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Kai.
This is the absolute worst idea in the history of Jesse Boone’s Bad Idea’s.
Which is really saying something, considering the number of idiotic things Jesse has done in the relatively short time they’ve know each other. There’s a zero percent change this works without Jesse getting hurt or worse , but Kai knows what this means to him.
He’s said all the right things. He’s explained why he’s pissed at the kids who stole the fent, he even managed to sound angry with them. He probably is, to a degree. But under all that anger is worry.
They’re 24 and 25, they’re so young , and Kai knows that Jesse is seeing those college kids, dead in the dorm. He’s thinking about the two young cops on night shift that he was responsible for, that he still feels responsible for.
Kai doesn’t push it. Jane gives them the go and Kai is forced to watch with his heart in his throat as Jesse slips through the forest.
It goes well at first. Kai half expected to watch Jesse get shot before he even got close to the container, but he makes it through, likely due to the fact that he doesn’t look out of place with his respirator and long gun.
It’s going great, and then it’s not, and that basically sums up Kai’s life. He calls out a warning as a gunman enters, and all hell breaks lose. Shots are fired by REACT and Kai, and he can’t hear anything over his own yelling.
The first shots were not theirs. The man in the container got off a few rounds.
Lucy asks about Jesse as if Kai isn’t already rushing to the doors.
He’s expecting something worse. The kid to be dead, Jesse on the ground bleeding out, maybe even the cartel member to start shooting at Kai. None of those happen. Instead Jesse is pushing open the container doors, coughing into his hand and pushing the kid out in front of him.
The kid has Jesse’s respirator.
Kai’s stomach turns to ice but he manages to keep a straight face, asking Jesse if he’s okay and taking him by the arm to lead him away from the container where the fent must’ve aerated.
They don’t make it three steps.
Jesse makes a choked off noise of pain and goes rigid smacking into the hard ground. His back arches, muscles tensing uncontrollably.
“Get to that Narcan, Kai.” Tenant is controlled in his ear, better than Kai. Her voice is steady when she talks in his ear, nothing like Kai’s voice as he begs for Jesse to hang in there, stay with me, hey, Jesse talk to me.
The horrible wheezing breathes stop after the Narcan, and Jesse goes limp. Kai’s brain is begging to him to panic, but he can’t. He has to ignore everything if he wants to save Jesse’s life.
And he needs Jesse alive.
Kai pats his cheek, laying his fingers against the side of his neck. “His pulse is thready.” He reports, and that’s when his panic starts to win. Jesse is choking on his own spit, all the muscles in his neck tight as he tries to get air.
Kai’s hands are shaking as he pulls at the straps on Jesse’s vest, and he’s losing the battle on staying objective. He’s not even aware of the words coming out of his mouth, only sure that his voice wavers as he says them.
With the vest off, it’s more clear to Kai the lack of movement to his chest. He glances at Jesse’s lax face and feels his heart stop. He can’t keep his hands to himself, once again cupping Jesse’s face in his hands, tilting his head back. “I got you, hey- hey, Jess-”
Kai leans over Jesse’s face, turning his head and wishing beyond anything that he’s wrong.
He’s not.
“No breath sounds.” he says. His fingers found a pulse again, but it was so weak he’s afraid he imagined it.
Hands together, position over the chest, arms locked, push through the shoulders. “C’mon Jess.” Kai breathes. “ Come on Jesse .”
He says it again and again and he knows that Tara and Tennant are hearing this, he knows that it’s likely that Jane will pick up on his tone, his desperation. She’ll figure it out for sure now.
He’s fine with that. He’s fine with their boss knowing if it means that Jesse is alive . He’s panting, begging in his mind as he performs CPR, hoping Jesse can hear him.
Don’t do this. Don’t do this to me, don’t make me tell your daughter you’re not coming home because of me.
Don’t leave me.
Jesse pulls a strangled breath, and Kai feels the dam break inside him. “Hey!” He can’t help it, he has to have his hands on Jesse, he has to feel him move, breathe, be alive under his touch. Jesse’s eyes are partially rolled back, and he’s not aware but he’s breathing.
Kai pats his cheek, c’mon, look at me, see me Jess. Another few gasping breaths later and the clouds clear from Jesse’s eyes. The brown iris’ focus on Kai, confusion and fear dancing in them.
“I got you, I got you,” Kai murmurs, trying to keep Jesse calm. I’m right here. You’re safe. “We got him. He’s back.” He adds, remembering that half the team is watching right now. “We got him back.”
Jesse groans, still wheezing a bit. “I feel like crap .”
“Yeah, well, inhaling a bunch of ninety nine percent pure fentanyl will do that to you.” Kai grumbles, sitting back on his heels but keeping Jesse in his arms. “Also, you OD’d. Also, I had to give you CPR.”
Jesse’s eyes widen in alarm. He brings a hand up to grip Kai’s arm. “You- did you-”
“Hey, hey no,” Kai shakes his head, glancing around the area quickly to make sure no one is watching. He covers the camera on his vest with one hand. “I didn’t give you mouth to mouth.”
Jess deflates, slumping back to the ground. Kai takes his hand away from his camera and uses it to cushion Jesse’s head. “Keep looking at me- Jess. Jesse come on. Eyes.”
Jesse groans, peeling open his eyes that had shut. “Boss-”
“ We can’t get an ambulance to you, it’s going to be a helo ride.”
“Can I go with?” Kai’s voice wavers just slightly. He grits his teeth against it. He needs to be- he needs to focus. He needs to remain objective, he needs to be a member of the team and not Jesse’s kind of-sort of-maybe boyfriend.
“ I was about to ask that you would.” Jane says, gentle. His camera is still on, probably showing the way Jesse is clinging to Kai and vice-versa.
Kai breathes out slow. “Thanks boss.”
“Get him back safe Kai.” She replies, a soft lilt of mirth in her voice. “ Keep me updated.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
…
Jesse.
He can now say that a helicopter ride right after ODing is not an enjoyable experience.
Kai is there the whole time, nearly breaking Jesse’s hand. Lucky for him he moves fast enough to avoid Jesse throwing up halfway through.
“You’re okay,” Kai tells him as they move into the ED. “You’re okay, right?”
And like- realistically, he feels fine. His chest hurts (CPR will do that) and he feels like he’s got the worst hangover of his life, but he can breathe again. He’s exhausted and he really wants to sleep, but he knows how much that would freak out Kai.
Kai who had to give him Narcan, Kai who had to watch him have a seizure, Kai who’s been a rock through this whole thing but who Jesse can see is absolutely terrified.
“I’m okay,” Jesse rasps, wincing at the roughness of his voice. “I’m good, can you- w-would you call…or have- Jane can call-”
“I’ll make sure Grace knows,” Kai nods, and that’s great, but Jesse doesn’t want Kai to have to do it.
The gurney is turned and he loses sight of Kai for a minute, the ceiling blurring above him. “Just- wait, Kai-”
“Hey, I’m here,” Kai appears next to him, voice soft. “I’m here. I got it.”
“No, just- just don’t- tell her I’m okay, right? Don’t-”
“I won’t tell her that you stopped breathing.” Kai says flatly. A nurse pulls him away, removing the oxygen mask from the paramedics and replacing it with one from the hospital. “I’ll go talk to Tennant okay? Just-” Kai swallows hard, nodding to himself. “Just be okay.”
Jesse gives him a thumbs up and a small smile. Kai rolls his eyes, but smiles back before getting ushered from the room.
The doctors talk over him for a while, only pausing to ask him the same questions over and over. Honestly, Jesse is happy to zone out for a bit, and even happier when they tell him he can rest his eyes while they wait for some blood results.
He startles awake an hour later, watching a nurse take the I.V. out of his arm. She tells him he’s free to go, and he signs his discharge paperwork with a shaking hand, not paying attention at all to the paperwork.
He’s pretty sure he’s not supposed to be getting an Uber right out of the hospital, but he does anyway because his car is still on base and he’s got to get his stuff anyway. Kai is probably buried under a mountain of paperwork and Tennant and Luce are dealing with all the fun debriefing that accompanies using REACT.
The plan he concocted made enough of a mess for his team today, he doesn’t need to bother them.
His attempt at slipping in and out is tossed out the window before he even gets to his office. Tennant catches him, then Kai shows up, and Jesse is very careful to play up the semi-begrudging but mostly grateful work partner.
He doesn’t remember much past sneaking into the container. Even his memories of the trip to the hospital are fuzzy. Kai told him what happened, but from the look on his face…he didn’t tell Jesse all of it.
Fuck he hopes he didn’t out himself. Or Kai. Not that he thinks Tennant would have a problem with it, it’s just…he’s really not sure what, exactly, he and Kai are.
Before this, ‘fuck buddies’ would’ve been an appropriate title. At least on Jesse’s side of things.
(Kai punched Jesse in the face, and then gave him that fucking smirk later in the day. Jesse wasn’t about to let that opportunity pass him by.)
He didn’t expect they’d fall into bed past that one case, but then Kai showed up after drinks one time, and then Jesse went to his apartment with beer, and then they were waking up next to each other and knew each others coffee order.
Which- alright, now that he’s thinking about it, that’s…not very fuck-buddy of him.
Still, he does his best to assure Jane and Kai and Lucy that he’s fine, the hospital sent him home, he’s fine . Kai still watches him for longer than necessary, the worry blatant in his actions if not his expression.
Even if they were just sleeping with each other on occasion, what happened today changed that.
Jesse is too exhausted to worry about it right now though. He manages to slip out to his car without protest from the team, he assumes due to the fact that Kai is talking to Tennant. Still, the other man is so sneaky Jesse actually expects him to materialize by his truck.
Lucky for him, Jane is probably talking his ear off.
Jesse deflates once he’s off base, pinching the bridge of his nose at a stop light and taking stock of his body. His head hurts bad; the oncoming migraine threatening to be a sick day tomorrow. His chest aches, and it’s tight now too, making it an effort to take deep breaths. Overall he feels like he’s got a low grade fever. He’s a bit cold, which is insane since it’s eighty degrees outside, and his muscles are sore and hurting.
A shower would be greatly appreciated, and he plans on doing just that when he gets home, except once he parks the truck he has to dive out of the drivers seat to get sick in the side garden. He gags, dry heaving so hard he ends up on his hands and knees, choking on bile.
Jesse spits several times. “Disgusting.” he mumbles, climbing to his feet on shaky legs. He grabs his keys and his bag, barely remembering to lock the truck before wobbling his way to his door.
He’s so fucking tired all of a sudden. His head feels fuzzy again, like it was in the hospital, and he decides it would be a better idea to bypass the shower and go straight to bed.
Dropping his bag by the door, it takes Jesse four tries to toe off his shoes, and another four tries to find the right light switch for the kitchen. He vaguely remembers the nurse saying something about drinking water and staying hydrated helping his body recover.
It seems as though he blinks, and suddenly he’s half slumped against the kitchen counter, an empty glass of water in his hand that he doesn’t remember drinking. He’s so fucking tired. He’s never been so tired. He’s so tired he can’t even think.
That’s wrong. Something is- something is wrong. He needs help, he needs to call for help. He needs Kai. Kai will help.
Jesse fumbles at his pockets and comes up empty.
His phone is in the truck.
He pushes off the counter. The kitchen spins violently around him. His head feels like a bowling ball attached to his neck, and it pulls him off balance.
He’s not awake to feels himself hit the floor.
…
Kai .
“...you don’t have to tell me, I’m just letting you know that it’s okay. You’ve proven you’re ability to remain objective, probably more than I can.” Jane smiles wryly, both of them remembering when the building exploded a few months ago and Jane checked on Tom before her team.
Kai didn’t say anything then because he understood it. It was the same reason he didn’t leave the room when Jesse stepped on that pressure plate. They can all do their best to stay focused on the job, but they’re not robots. It’s always going to be more difficult when it’s someone they love.
He smiles back, dragging a hand down his face. “Was it that obvious?”
“To everyone else, probably not.” Tennant grabs her keys and hefts her bag on her shoulder. “But I know Jesse a lot better than he’d like to admit.”
Kai holds open the door, furrowing his brow in concern. “Um…what does that. Mean, exactly?”
Jane laughs. “It means you're his type , Kai Holman.” She glances around the office, face turning to a frown. “I thought you were going to drive him home.”
“Yeah, I-” Kai lets out a sigh at the sight of Jesse’s empty office. “...I was.”
Jane lays a hand on his arm, squeezing gently. “Can you let me know he’s doing okay? He said the hospital gave him a clean bill of health, but he still seemed pretty pale.”
“You got it boss.”
It takes Kai until he’s off base to realize that Jane didn’t even question that Kai was going to Jesse’s place.
He decides not to tell Jesse about that.
Kai shoots Jesse a text at a red light, letting him know he’s coming over. It takes him a good half hour to get to Jesse’s place. Despite the late hour, there’s still enough traffic to frustrate Kai. He needs to talk to Jesse about whatever it is they are.
He’s fine with- he’ll be fine with it if Jesse doesn’t want anything more. That’s fine. But if Jesse wants what Kai wants, then they need to talk about it. They have to talk about it because their boss has noticed, and because Kai doesn’t want to be hung up on this. He wants to know if he has to move on from this, or if he's going to invest in it.
Jesse’s truck is parked out front when Kai pulls up. He checks his phone. Jesse hasn’t texted him back, but he’s clearly here. Kai takes a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts before going in. It’s probably not the best time to have this talk, but Jesse scared Kai in a way he really, really didn’t like today.
Kai didn’t like doing CPR on Jesse while feeling like he was losing someone he loved. He didn’t like what happened today at all. There was so much he felt and he didn’t understand any of it.
He shakes his head, getting out of his car and walking slowly to the front door. He won’t say any of that. He’ll just- he’ll make sure Jesse is okay. They can talk tomorrow.
Kai knocks on the door, then out of habit he puts his hand on the handle and presses his weight forward.
It’s unlocked.
Not the strangest thing ever, but he’s certainly surprised to have the door swing open. He glances behind him, noting that Jesse’s truck is still parked. No dents or paint transfer. Nothing that would indicate something went wrong on the way home.
Maybe he saw Kai’s text and left the door open. Grace is at a friends house tonight, as she told him over the phone. She was freaked out when Kai told her that her dad was in the hospital, but after ten minutes of reassurance she seemed to be okay.
Still. He’s seen Jesse lock the door before Kai’s even got his shoes off. He’s a little paranoid about it for some reason.
“Jesse?” Kai calls, pushing the door open all the way. “Hey, b- hey Jess? You awake?”
He winces at the slip up. They haven't talked yet and they need to before Kai starts dropping pet names.
The dark house greets him with silence, the only light coming from the kitchen. Jesse’s bag is right by the door, his shoes are there, and his keys are…on the floor.
Alarm shoots through Kai. he taps the door with his foot, sending it closed again. “Hey, Jesse, where you at man?” He slowly steps into the house, wishing now he had his weapon on him. Something feels very off about this. The house is too quiet.
“Hey Jesse, Tennant wanted me to check up on you, you in here?” He calls again, wandering into the living room. Nothing looks out of place or disturbed. There’s no reason for Kai to feel this on edge, but his gut is telling him that something is wrong and he needs to find it.
He shakes his head, jingling the keys in his hands. Jesse probably went to bed. He must be exhausted, he probably just forgot to text Kai back. It’s fine. He does not need to go upstairs and check the bedroom to see for himself that Jesse is there.
Turning on a heel, Kai makes it two steps closer to the doorway before he stops. He should check, just- just real quick, make sure Jesse is here and he’s sleeping (but why would the door be unlocked, why would he leave the door unlocked if he sleeping-)
It saves Jesse’s life, that moment of indecision. He’s looking at the door, biting his lip, and when his eyes stray, they find the kitchen floor.
He never would have seen Jesse if he’d left.
“Jesse! ” Kai yells, dropping to his knees next to his fallen partner for the second time that day. “Jesse, Jess- hey! Hey, look at me!” It’s useless, the same way he knew it was useless to talk to Jesse this afternoon.
He rolls Jesse onto his back, and finds himself repeating the same motions anyway. He taps Jesse’s cheek, he checks his pulse (weak and thready), he shakes him, he begs him to stay with me, hang on Jesse, come on . It's all the same.
Jesse is pale as the white tile he lays on. His lips are blueish grey, his breathing is slow and shallow, so much so that Kai thinks he’s not breathing. His skin is cold and clammy under Kai’s touch. “C’mon, hey- Jesse, look at me. Please- Jess?”
Not even a twitch. “Fuck.” Kai whispers. He pulls at Jesse’s eyelids, as gentle as he can. Both pupils are pinpoints, constricted and unresponsive. “ Fuck !”
He’s overdosing. Again. And this time, Kai doesn’t have narcan. “Fuckin- fuck , fuck Jesse, come on! Don’t do this, come on!” His phone is out and in his hand, 9-1-1 dialed. The moment the dispatcher picks up, Kai is rattling off the address, his badge number, and his need for an ambulance right the fuck now .
“If there’s any units carrying Narcan close by, send them.” Kai keeps his fingers on Jesse’s pulse point. “It’s a secondary overdose. He inhaled fentanyl earlier today, was administered Narcan, and left the hospital no more than two hours ago.”
“Alright Agent Holman, do you know how much Fentanyl he inhaled?”
“No idea, I wasn’t in the area with him.”
“Was the fentanyl mixed with anything?”
Kai swallows. He’s losing Jesse’s pulse. “It was nearly a hundred percent pure.” Gritting his teeth, he folds his hands together and starts CPR. “I’ve lost his pulse and I can’t feel any breath sounds. Starting compressions.”
“ An ambulance is three minutes out, two patrol units coming behind them. Was he responsive at all?”
“No,” Kai pants, counting in his head. “No, I found him unconscious on the floor. Tell the EMTs the door is unlocked.”
Everything is a blur from there. It’s like Kai blinks and the paramedics are gently pushing him back, switching out to do chest compressions. They administer Narcan, slide a backboard under him, and get him on a gurney and into the back of an ambulance in a minute flat.
The two police units help clear the way once they get on the main road. Kai goes in the back, squeezing a bag attached to a mask over Jesse’s face while the medic in the back starts an IV and gets the EKG set up.
It’s not like last time. It’s not like before, when Tennant and Lucy were there at his back, helping him through it even though they were miles away. Jesse doesn’t start breathing on his own after two rounds of compressions. He hasn’t started breathing at all. The medic assures him that the Narcan is doing it’s job, but it really, really doesn’t seem like it.
Jesse was up and aware and looking at Kai within five minutes of him leaving Kai’s sight. Now Kai’s been with him for almost a half hour, and he’s not back. He’s not up. He’s not joking with Kai, he’s-
He’s two degrees away from being dead .
The ED department is ready for them. The medics rattle off his vitals and the time Narcan was administered, then Kai is making himself talk .
No, he doesn’t have any allergies that Kai knows of. Yes, Kai performed CPR. No, he didn’t do mouth to mouth, yes he was afraid that the contact might cause himself to be affected.
He lost breath sounds five minutes after finding Jesse. Jesse was never awake or responsive. The last time Kai saw him up and talking was over an hour ago, when he was on base.
And then that’s it. They escort him to the waiting room, tell him someone will talk to him soon, and thats- that’s it.
That’s all he gets. That’s all the support Kai gets. His partner isn’t breathing on his own, Kai doesn’t even know what they are to each other, and he just OD’d for the second time today.
Go wait. We’ll be with you when we know something.
He thinks he can be forgiven for the way his hands shake when he calls Tennant.
...
Jesse .
Waking up this time is considerably more difficult. He knows as soon as he finds an inkling of awareness. This time is worse. This time was worse .
For one, there’s an oxygen mask on his face, and despite that he’s still struggling with feeling that he’s getting enough air. Two, his chest hurts a lot worse than before, and three, Kai is sleeping on Jesse’s arm.
Also his boss is here. Tennant raises an eyebrow at him. “Welcome back. For a second time.”
Jesse blinks sluggishly at her. “Boss?”
She feigns inspecting her nails. “You’re making me miss time with my kids, Boone. I do not appreciate it.”
He manages a small smile, closing his eyes and letting his head roll to the side. “Many apologies. How will I ever make this up to you?”
“Don’t OD again, that’d be nice.” Jane replies heavily, the mirth gone from her voice. “Because that was fucking terrifying.”
He blinks his eyes open in surprise. It’s quite rare that their team leader swears. “In my defense, I did go to the hospital, and they did check me out.”
“Yes I know,” She glances at Kai. “Trust me, I ripped the charge nurse a new one for that. Funny how they discharged you without completing your blood tests. Which, you know, would’ve told them that you still had a dangerous amount of fentanyl in your system. Might’ve saved Kai some time in therapy.”
Jesse makes a soft noise. “He found me?”
“Two rounds of CPR in one day.” Her eyes are still on Kai, a gentle worry clear on her face. “He’s not going to let you leave his sight for the next six months.”
It’s possible Jesse is still a little messed up, because the thought makes a warmth bloom in his chest. That registers before the first thing Jane said. “Why- is that why my chest hurts?”
A shadow passes over Tennant’s face. “He did fracture two of your ribs.” She pauses, fingers tapping rapidly on her phone. “Do you remember it?”
Jesse concentrates on breathing for a bit while he tries to get his thoughts in order. “I was tired. I think? I…I got home and just. I couldn’t breathe.”
Tennant takes a deep breath and blows it out slow. She stands, nudging Kai with her foot. “I’m going to go home now. You are not coming back to work for at least a week, and then it’ll be desk duty.”
“But-”
“But nothing , you will be on desk duty until your ribs heal.” Kai sits up, blinking blearily at her. She pokes Jesse’s foot. “Rest up.”
“Copy that.” Jesse blinks over at Kai. “Good morning.”
Tennant’s laugh echoes in the hall as she leaves. Kai snaps his eyes to Jesse, looking much more awake. “It is not a good morning.” Kai hisses at him. “What the fuck Jesse-”
“I didn’t OD on purpose.”
“You were- you- fuck, Jess, you weren’t breathing. Again .”
“I know, I- I didn’t know.”
Kai deflates, his hands running through his hair. The other is still gripping Jesse’s arm. “I know. I know it- it’s just- I, I can’t do that. I can’t do this .”
Something must show on his face, because Kai hurries to correct himself. “I mean the hospital, I mean- I’d like to not have to do CPR on you. Ever again. Not…not this .” He gestures between himself and Jesse. “I’m unfortunately invested in this .”
That makes Jesse smile. “Oh good. We can talk when I’m not the hospital, right?”
“It would be preferable, yeah.”
“Cool.” Jesse yawns, sleep tugging at his eyes. “You can go home if you want.”
“I’m- I, I can’t- I can’t do that Jesse.” Kai snaps, looking like he’s short circuiting.
Jesse tilts his head in confusion. “Pretty sure they have car services, even this late-”
“I’m not leaving you again!” Kai yells, jumping to his feet.
Jesse freezes, eyes wide.
Oh.
Kai makes a fist with one hand, closing his eyes and shaking his head with a noise of frustration. “Okay.” He says, looking at Jesse with much more volume control this time. “I am going to get something to drink, maybe call Lucy, and then I will be back. And I’m going to stay here until you are properly discharged.”
Jesse blinks. “Kay.”
“And then I’m going to drive you home.”
“Sounds good man.”
“And I’m staying at your place for the next week.”
“Oka- wh- huh?” Kai doesn’t acknowledge his stammered response, turning on a heel and walking out of the room. “Wait- Kai! I don’t have another bed!”
“We fit in yours just fine!” Kai yells back, earning a dirty look from the charge nurse. He disappears down the hall, leaving Jesse alone with his words.
He thumps his head back against the pillow and smiles.
...
end.