Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Manuel Neuer was awfully bored.

He couldn’t believe it, but since the COVID-19 pandemic had been officially declared a pandemic about three weeks ago, the crime rate in Manchester had dropped dramatically. 

“It seems even the criminals are afraid of this virus,” A voice behind him said, as if sensing his thoughts. Manuel jumped a little, but he didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. His husband’s german accent gave it away, as his face came into view. Even under the mask, it was obvious that Thomas was smiling at him. 

“Hello to you too,” he said, amused. “Don’t you have work to do?” 

“No, I don’t! I didn’t think this would be something I’d ever complain about, yet here I am,” Thomas groaned. 

“Do you decided to come and bother me?” Manuel asked, not that he really minded. 

“Yeah, but I want to do something,” he complained. 

The taller one handed him a box of pencils and a sharpener. “Here’s something you can do. Help me clean out supplies.” 

Thomas made a face. “I want to do something fun.” He put a lot of emphasis on the last word. 

“Go do something fun with Robert, then.” 

Thomas sighed. “Fine. See you later?” 

“Absolutely.” 

•••

“Just go text someone or something,” Robert Lewandowski said, before Thomas had even opened his mouth - and getting a word in before Thomas was an impressive feat. 

Thomas huffed. “Everyone here’s so boring.” 

It was as if a lightbulb went off in his head. “Thanks for the idea!” 

“You’re welcome- what?” Robert realized too late as Thomas sped off to his own desk. 

April 1st, 2020. 17:15

1225 added 1201 and 9 others to a new chat

1225 changed their name to Thomas

Thomas: welcome, everyone!!! 

Thomas: you’re all here a a result of my boredom and idk who half of you are, some of you I know but most of you are just unlucky enough to have one of the numbers i randomly typed into my phone. 

Thomas: anyways, you can all think of this as an anti-boredom groupchat during covid 

1210 changed their name to Leo

Leo: can i leave 

Thomas: no 

Thomas: you can add more people tho 

1201: i swear to god thomas i leave you unsupervised for no less than 5 mins 

Thomas: this is your fault for not paying attention to me, manu

1201 changed their name to Manu

Thomas: anyways this is gonna be fun 

Thomas: ok, change your names to your first name. Then tell us what you feel comfortable sharing with people who might be complete strangers 

Thomas: eg: age, work, relationship status, pronouns, country you’re from, photos only if you want, exc 

Thomas: but if you’re under 18 then leave please, I don’t want kids in this chat, or if you really don’t feel comfortable 

Thomas: so i’ll go first 

Thomas: i’m thomas, ofc. 29 years old and i’m a detective/investigator thing for the police. i’m from germany and married to manu. he/him

Manu: *sighs* i’m manuel, 32, married to this idiot here and not proud of it. from germany and proud of it. 

Thomas: ouch

Leo: i’m lionel, but i prefer leo, and i’m from Argentina. 27 years old 

1211 changed their name to Neymar

1204 changed their name to Sergio

Neymar: hey, i’m Neymar 

Neymar: i’m leo’s 26 year old best friend from Brazil. 

Sergio: i’m 28, originally from Spain. i work as a tattoo artist 

Neymar: do you have tattoos? 

Sergio: yeah, did you say we could send pictures, weird guy who started this that i don’t know? 

Thomas: yeah if you want 

Sergio: [Me.jpeg] 

Thomas: Robert you’re married why did you just look at your phone appreciatively

Thomas: i can also see you scrolling on your phone, reading the messages and ignoring them 

1209 changed their name to Robert

Robert: sorry everyone i unintentionally gave this idiot a stupid idea 

Robert: my names Robert, i work with thomas and manu and i’m polish and 31 years old

1252 changed their name to Erling

Erling: I’m 24, and i’m a junior doctor in training at the hospital (as in i’ve completed med school and am now actually getting paid but still learning) 

Manu: is it really as short staffed and hectic there as the news says it is? because the police station is so quiet i’m sitting here sharpening pencils 

Erling: fucking hell yes 

Erling: i’m learning from this guy and he looks like he hasn’t slept more than three hours straight for two weeks 

Sergio: is it usually that chaotic? 

Erling: apparently not, but there’s so many problems with the healthcare system nowadays 

1219 changed their name to Julian

Julian: [Replying to: : i’m learning from this guy…] That’s because they always stick him on the night shift. 

Julian: so of course we have to do the night shift as well 

Julian: [Replying to: is it really as short staffed and hectic…] It’s awful the hospitals aren’t big enough, but we don’t have enough nurses and doctors to have bigger hospitals. we’re hardly managing this one 

Leo: you two know each other? 

Erling: he’s the other guy i’m learning with 

Geri: if the hospitals are crazy shouldn't you guys go back to work?  

Julian: night shift tonight, don’t start until seven 

Julian: can i add someone

Julian added 1205

1205 changed their name to Enzo

Enzo: Julian, who is my boyfriend and forgot his introduction so i’ll do it for him explained to me what this is and what to do, so i’m Enzo, he’s Julian and we’re both from Argentina and 24 years old 

Julian: oops 

Thomas: it’s six which means i can leave work finallyyyyyy!!!!! 

Julian: shit that means i’d better start getting ready 

Erling: oh yeah me too

Erling: bye everyone, it was nice meeting you! 

Thomas: guys Manu isn’t paying attention to me 

Robert: hahaha serves you right 

Manu: sorry guys i’ll take him off your hands 

Leo: nah it’s fine this chat is my primary source of entertainment now 

Leo: i’m a primary school teacher and there’s not much you can do with eight year olds online and our school doesn’t have guidelines for what the fuck to actually do 

Neymar: I just read them stories 

Leo: yeah but you teach six year olds who can actually be entertained by a book 

Neymar: good point 

Neymar: i’ve also tried some online classes but you really can’t keep them engaged on a teams call 

Neymar: i discovered the whiteboard feature, so we had fun with that 

Leo: that’s good to know 

Thomas: well we still appear to be missing some members 

1222 changed their name to Sonny

1222 added 1230 to the chat 

1230 changed their name to Harry

Sonny: i’m Heung-min, but just call me Sonny. I’m 28 from south Korea and the guy i just added is my boyfriend harry

Harry: i’m harry, 27 years old from england, and i’m an engineer 

Sonny: btw i’m develop computer scanning apps for a landslide company to analyze land 

Sonny: overcomplicated explanation but idk if it’s got a name people understand 

Thomas: now we’re just missing two people! 1212 and 1217 where tf are you guys 

1212 changed their name to Kylian

Kylian: I was just watching all the drama unfold 

Kylian: i’m kylian, or kyky and i’m a 24 year old originally from france. I’m at uni to become an engineer rn 

Thomas: yay you’re here 

Neymar: manu i thought you were taking him off our hands

Thomas: first of all, ouch

Thomas: second of all, he wants me to tell you that’s “that’s a bit difficult when he’s driving” 

2127: i’m kevin and i’m kind of busy right now but i’ll respond and read all the messages later 

Leo: ok then 

Leo: bye everyone i’m emotionally exhausted from teaching kids 

Neymar: but you barely did anything!?

Leo: exactly, idk what to do 

April 2nd, 2020. 07:12

1217 changed their name to Kevin

Kevin: so yeah. i’m kevin, 28 years old and i’m originally from belgium. I’m actually the one erling and julian were talking about earlier 

Erling: he’s the driest texter in the world, so don’t get offended if it seems like he doesn’t want to be anywhere 

Manu: that’s ok i pretty much am too

Kevin: right now i don’t want to be anywhere except my fucking house, yet i’m still at the hospital because nobody can show up on time for a 7am shift, apparently

Sergio: that’s a massive fucking coincidence that you three all work in the same place

Leo: Neymar and i work at the same place too

Leo: and live in the same house

Kylian: isn’t this whole chat kind of a massive fucking coincidence? 

Sergio: yeah, i suppose it is 

Sergio named the chat “Coincidence Chat”

Chapter Text

Coincidence Chat

April 2nd, 2020. 08:32

Leo: how do you get orange juice out of your hair

Kevin: Shower?

Leo: Nope. already tried.

Robert: How did you get orange juice in your hair?!

Neymar: [Leotheidiot.jpeg]

Sergio: Ahahahahahahaha

Sergio: That is amazing

Sergio: Someone hasn't had their morning coffee yet, eh?

Leo: why the hell did you add eh to the end of that

Leo: are you fucking canadian

Sergio: It's bloody freezing up there. I wouldn't be able to survive two weeks.

Erling: Haha wimps

Kevin: shut up aren’t you from some random-ass Scandinavian country

Erling: this is such a massive fucking coincidence 

Kevin: ??? 

Julian: i think he means you being here 

Julian: we went over that already, erling. 

Neymar: anyways, Leo is a fucking idiot.

Neymar: he was trying to make toast, but it was "too early" (aka 8:15) and poured the orange juice on his toast instead of putting jam on it

Neymar: Leo, how??? 

Leo: we’re in the same room why are you texting me 

Julian: our entertainment, idk

Neymar: one time we had a staff meeting at like, 5 am. he walked in the room and promptly fell over three chairs the moment he entered the room

Sergio: ahahahaha 

Leo: Ney don’t you have a teams call to be on with your class 

Neymar: i’m good, it’s not for 7ish mins 

Julian: does anyone here have any pets and if so can you send photos because i’m bored 

Sergio: [SergioCat.jpeg] here’s my cat her names ali! 

Thomas: tbh i didn’t put you down as a cat person 

Geri: i love your cat tho she’s so cute. 

Kevin: nope, i don’t 

Kevin: julian shouldn’t you be trying to sleep tho? 

Enzo: he’s gotta eat food first 

Kevin: ah yeah actually thanks for reminding me

Manu: thomas and i have two dogs! 

Manu: [OurDogs.jpeg] 

Erling: omg manu i love them

Erling: i want a dog so bad :( 

Julian: just come and visit mine

Julian: wait shit we can’t 

Julian here’s a photo then [JulianDog.jpeg]

Erling: can’t visit but thank you for photos 

Julian: you’re very welcome

Erling: why does everyone have a dog except me? :( 

Kylian: i don’t have a dog either :( 

Erling: well we can be sad together then 

Kylian: yes :(

Chapter Text

KEVIN DE BRUYNE 

• House burned down when he was six 
• Lived in foster care for two years
• Got adopted at eight but hated and hated his new parents 
• Adoptive parents don’t approve of him being gay 
• Brought up in Belgium and moved to Manchester for uni and to get out of house 
• Works in the ER and has a variety of skills 
• Engaged to Eden Hazard, who is a therapist 
• Supports Manchester City ever since moving there
• Dutch is his first language, and he’s also fluent in English and French. Can fully listen to German, and could speak it but he gets shy. Also knows a bit of Portuguese, but not fluent. 

ERLING HAALAND  

• Son of Alfie Haaland, who played for Manchester City. That’s why he supports them
• Being mentored by Kevin in the hospital 
• Really likes working with the x-ray. He likes to look at the photos of the bones after too, finds it fascinating. 
• Speaks English, Norwegian and a little German 
• His best friends are Jude Bellingham and Jack Grealish

JULIÁN ÁLVAREZ

• His boyfriend is Enzo
• Taught by Kevin at the hospital 
• Supports City, which causes lots of disputes with Enzo
• Enzo calls him Juli 
• Speaks English and Spanish
• Loves coming up with nicknames for people. 

ENZO FERNÁNDEZ

• he’s the type of person everyone asks to hold their drinks while they’re in the bathroom at a party 
• Corrupted Christian into supporting Chelsea
• Uni student 
• Always forgets to write accents when writing in a language that has them. (Me too, sorry guys. I did put accents on all the names for this chapter tho.) 

CHRISTIAN PULISIC  

• Dad is from Croatia, and he’s never been but really wants to go
• Grew up in Pennsylvania, Moved to Germany and then ended up in Manchester 
• Speaks English and German
• This guy can rant about practically anything that annoys him even the tiniest bit. Donald Trump? Yes. Elon Musk? Absolutely. Boris Johnson? Music that’s too loud? Music that’s too quiet? People who put the milk first when making cereal? If you can name it, he can rant about it. 
• Christmas is his favourite holiday, so much that Enzo has started calling it Christianmas just for him. 

LEO MESSI 

• Teaches at a primary school 
• Has taught years 2 and 3, currently teaching 3 (7-8 years old) 
• Secretly in love with Neymar
• Has social Anxiety and hates talking to parents 
• really doesn’t like mornings 
• He speaks Spanish and English, but he’s trying to get another teacher at his school to teach him a little portuguese so he can try and talk to Neymar in his native language 

NEYMAR

• he had pink hair once, and Leo uses those photos as blackmail 
• Plays the loudest music in the car, or no music at all. No in between. 
• Secretly in love with Leo, and dislikes it when they aren’t together 
• Gets jealous SO easily. It’s ok because Leo finds it endearing. 
• Really doesn’t like golf. He thinks it’s a stupid “sport” 

THOMAS MÜLLER 

• Hates being called Thommy, only Manu can call him that (and only sometimes) 
• Constantly insists he’s taller than robert 
• The first time Joshua calls him Dad to his face, he manages to hold it together and give him a big hug. He breaks down crying of happiness later that night
• When he wants to relax, he puts on headphones and cooks. 
• He never bakes. He feels he doesn’t have enough freedom with the recipe to enjoy it 
• Speaks German and English fluently 
• Supported Bayern ever since he watched them play 
• Has a unique sense of humour where some things he says could be taken as mean when in reality he just didn’t think before he opened his mouth 

MANUEL NEUER  

• Joshua (also Jo or Josh) Kimmich-Neuer is his biological kid. He and his former girlfriend had him when they were pretty young, (21ish, Josh is 11) but she didn’t want the responsibility of a child in her life, so she signed over all parental rights to him. 
• Worries he’s not a good enough dad because he works so much. 
• The only person who can call Thomas “Thommy” without a threat of harm. 
• Speaks English and German, same as Thomas. They make sure to speak both around Joshua so that he’s good at the two languages 
• He’s a perfectionist. 

ROBERT LEWANDOWSKI 

• Constantly insists he’s taller than Thomas
• Polish, English, Spanish and German as languages 
• Married to Marco Reus, the have a seven year old named Frenkie that they adopted together. He goes to the school Leo, Ney and Cris all teach at  

SERGIO RAMOS  

• He’s 100% a cat person. He has a cat names Ali, and she’s an absolute menace 
• Read “It” by Stephen King when he was fifteen and it traumatized him. He didn’t pick up another book for two months. 
• Grew up in Sevilla, moved to Madrid to go to design school 
• Avoids his birthday like the plague.
• Boyfriend is Luka modric, who is still a professional footballers for Real Madrid 

KYLIAN MBAPPÉ

• Hates biology, gets squeamish at the smallest things 
• can’t watch horror movies. He gets so scared and just closes his eyes. 
• If he’s had an exhausting day, he’ll go and kick a football at a wall behind his apartment as hard as he can to channel out all his anger 
• Really likes skiing, and is good at it too
• Has always wanted to visit Madrid 

SON HEUNG-MIN 

• He can’t drive, something Harry finds hilarious 
• If he’s reading a book and gets into it, it’s impossible to tear him away from it 
• The first football match he saw live was when he and Harry were in London and Harry took him to see Spurs vs City. Spurs won, and he absolutely loved it. But he also loved the look of boyish excitement on Harry’s face the whole match 
• This man is on a mission to find the perfect ring to propose to Harry with. He knows Harry wants to get married, but he also knows that Harry will never propose. 

HARRY KANE

• Was always the designated driver when they went out pre covid. He has a license, a car, and doesn’t drink 
• Supported Spurs ever since he was three. They’re breaking his heart now, but he’s too emotionally invested to back out
• Really doesn’t like talking because he’s pretty insecure about how he sounds 
• raised in london

TRENT ALEXANDER-ARNOLD  

• he and andy are inseparable. They’ve been best friends ever since primary school 
• Lives in a flat with andy 
• He knows Harry because he’s interning at the same company he works at. 
• Can drive but no one’s quite sure how he passed 
• His middle name is john

ANDY ROBERTSON 

• Kinda had a crush on Trent when they were in secondary school for a year but got over it. Trent never found out
• Works at a coffee shop, and makes amazing coffee but terrible hot chocolate 
• Drops almost everything he holds
• Secretly loves it when people struggle to understand his scottish accent, he finds it amusing. 

Chapter Text

Coincidence Chat

April 3rd, 2020. 13:46

Sonny: hate it when you’re on a zoom call and so is your boyfriend and you’re just pretending to pay attention to the call but actually you’re talking 

Harry: you hate talking to me??? :( 

Sonny: but then you find out you forgot to turn off your mic 

Sonny: i wasn’t done harry i just pressed send too early

Harry: :) 

Harry: wait your mic wasn’t muted?! 

Harry: so all your coworkers heard you ranting about how boing your meeting was and me call some of my coworkers a bunch of fucking twats? 

Sonny: oops :l 

Manu: stories like this are why i’m actually glad i can’t work from home sometimes 

Robert: thomas is laughing uncontrollably at your guys pain 

Manu: thommy we all know that that’s something you’d do if you had zoom calls to take so stop laughing 

Erling: oh my god. thommy. that’s adorable! 

Thomas: don’t call me thommy 

Manu: sorry darling ;) 

Kylian: eww take the pda to a private chat, guys 

Kylian: i’m gonna have to wash my eyes out with bleach now 

Manu: it was literally ONE pet name, kylian

Kylian: and that’s one too many for me 

Thomas: shut tf up 

Thomas: respectfully

Kylian: :( 

Thomas: sorry sometimes i say mean things jokingly and don’t realize they could be taken the wrong way until later 

Kylian: it’s all good i wasn’t really sad 

Thomas: oh

Kylian: anyways i’m gonna fucking kill myself 

Sergio: what did you do? 

Kylian: hey! why do you automatically assume it’s something I did! 

Sergio: you seem like someone who gets into trouble a lot 

Kylian: i got covid :( 

Kylian: i haven’t even left the house except to get groceries 

Kevin: you got a test? 

Kylian: yup 

Kevin: pls don’t come to the hospital unless you’re gonna die or need a respirator or have asthma or something

Kevin: wow i feel like an asshole for telling you not to get medical treatment 

Erling: kinda true tho we don’t have any space 

Julian: or time 

Kylian: it’s ok i’m not freaking out or anything 

Kylian: just a little disappointed that i got it so early on 

Manu: incase anyone here has kids, Joshua’s teacher just sent out an email that the two weeks off of school is gonna be a lot longer than two weeks 

Robert: thanks 

Neymar: lmao leo and i just found that out 

Thomas & Manu

April 3rd, 2020. 13:57

Manu: if Jo’s off school for a while now, we probably need a better plan for him 

Manu: with us at work and everything, he’s pretty much left on his own and i feel really bad 

Thomas: yeah 

Thomas: we probably need to request different hours because leaving an 11 year old alone for a long time can’t be good 

Manu: oh my god 

Manu: i feel like a shit dad 

Thomas: no don’t 

Thomas: the good thing about the longer hours is that they’re giving us more days off to make up for it

Manu: i still wish i could be there more for him more tho

Thomas: i know, it’s ok. you’re trying your best 

Manu: well sometimes my best isn’t good enough 

Thomas: i’m coming over to your desk to give you a massive hug, we’ll figure something out tomorrow 

Thomas: don’t worry 

•••

Manuel thought he drove home in record time. Maybe even broke the speed limit a few times. (He just wants to see his son.) 

“We’re home!” Thomas called as he unlocked and opened the door. Joshua came bounding down the stairs. 

“Papa, what’s for dinner?” he asked Manu. 

Manuel smiled. “Let’s take a look at what we have. What do you want?” 

Thomas opened the fridge. “Looks like we’ve got all the stuff for tacos. How does that sound to you two?” 

Josh smiled. “That sounds perfect.” 

“Ok!” Thomas clapped his hands together. “I’m going to get started on these, and you two,” he threw a meaningful look at Manu that said yes, you are doing this now. “are going to go upstairs and talk.”

Manu gave Josh a soft smile. “Could we go up to your room? I just want to talk, it’s nothing bad, I promise,” he added when he saw his son’s nervous look.

“Sure. Let’s go.” 

The two of them left the room, leaving Thomas alone in the kitchen. He stuck his headphones on, ready to cook, listen to music, and let his stress wear out after a long day. 

“Dinners ready!” he called, hoping he wasn’t interrupting anything important anymore, however he jumped in shock when he saw the two already in for kitchen. “Oh,” Thomas said, taking off his headphones. 

“You’re remarkably peaceful when you cook, you know that?” Manu observed, letting his arm fall off of Joshua’s shoulder so he could move closer to Thomas and whisper in his ear. “And remarkably hot. Competence looks good on you.” 

Thomas blushed. 

“Eww,” Joshua ruined the moment. Manu rolled his eyes. 

“Come on, let’s eat!” 

•••

“So, how was your chat with Jo?” Thomas asked when they were settling into bed later that night. 

“It went really well. He’s really smart for an eleven year old. Not just book smart, but he understands the world and what’s going on better than I’d thought he would.” 

“Yeah, he’s smart,” Thomas let out a little chuckle. 

“He said he was fine on his own, but I’m still gonna ask our boss is there’s any way to change my schedule so I can spend a little more time at home.” 

“Would you like me to do the same?” Thomas looked a little unsure. “I know I’m not his dad, but…” he trailed off when he saw Manu’s look. 

“He was calling you dad today, you know that? When we were talking, he called you dad, not Thomas.” 

That stunned Thomas into silence, for possibly the second time ever in his life. 

“Oh,” he whispered, turning over to hide his face in his pillow. 

Manu gave him a gentle look, even if his husband couldn’t see him. “That means a hell of a lot to you doesn’t it?” 

“Yes,” his voice cracked as much as one’s could when saying a single syllable word. 

Mani ran a comforting hand down his spine. “I think Jo would love it if you spent some time with him.” 

“Oh no,” Manu said when Thomas sniffled. “I’m gonna go make you some tea, ok? Give you some time to process things.” He stood up and left, pulling the door shut behind himself. On his way to the kitchen, he stopped to peak his head into Joshua’s room. 

“Hey papa, what’s up?” Jo looked up from the book he was reading. 

“Just gonna say, if you wanted to call Thomas dad, then I don’t think he’d mind. Just something to think over.” He left when Joshua smiled, promising to think about it.

Chapter Text

Coincidence Chat

April 6th, 2020. 21:43

Harry: hey guys can i add my friends trent and andy to the chat because they keep pestering me like annoying shits 

Harry: although truth be told when are they not 

Thomas: yes 

Harry added 1228 to the chat 

Harry added 1266 to the chat

1228 changed their name to Andy 

1266 changed their name to Trent 

Trent: hi guys i’m trent, i’m 24 and from england

Andy: i’m andrew but call me andy, and i’m 25 from scotland 

Erling: do you have an accent 

Andy: duh, of course 

Erling: if we ever meet in real life don’t expect me to understand a word your saying 

Andy: ok, noted 

Manu: welcome to hell guys 

Thomas: it’s really not that bad, manu

Thomas: besides, you can thank robert for the idea! 

Trent: your name is manu? 

Trent: that’s like Man U which is manchester united aka demon spawn to us liverpoolies 

Andy: trent you’re one to talk your full name is pretty much just four first names smashed together in a random order 

Trent: fuck you, andrew 

Trent: moving back to manu’s name… 

Manu: it’s short for manuel 

Robert: I'm sorry, mr four first names, 

Robert: but did you just say you’re a liverpool fan?

Trent: yeah, you gotta problem with that?

Robert: yeah, i do actually

Robert: liverpool suck 

Trent: actually we’re the reigning ucl champions 

Harry: :( 

Trent: don’t give me that face harry. it’s not my fault your club can’t win a trophy 

Sonny: :( 

Trent: sorry bro 

Harry: why do you apologize to sonny and not to me :( 

Trent: because you’re like my annoying, overprotective older brother so i’m obligated to disagree with you 

Erling: that’s fair enough logic 

Andy: what do i do if i drop a massive box of books on my foot 

Andy: and then it looks weird and i’m screaming in pain 

Trent: as his flatmate, it looks pretty bad :l 

Trent: harry can you drive us to the hospital neither of us own a car and andy can’t walk 

Harry: *sighs* 

Harry: i’ll be there in 10 

Thomas: Erling i guess you might need to meet with andy after all 

Erling: jeez 

•••

“What the fuck is going on?” Harry asked, coming through the door of Trent and Andy’s apartment. 

“I dropped books on my foot,” Andy showed him. 

Harry sighed. “Ok. In the car, now. We’re going to the hospital. Kevin’s gonna hate your guts for the rest of your life.” 

“Who’s Kevin?” asked Trent. 

“He’s on the group chat. Usually works night shifts and the hospital ER, but from what I’ve heard he can do pretty much anything if really needed. Also they’re may be a long wait. Depending on how hectic it is and how understaffed they are.” 

By that time they had walked out to the car. And in the case of Andrew, Trent insisted on carrying him. 

“I really don’t need carried,” Andy said when Trent went to pick him up once they were at the hospital, hobbling out the car and jumping all the way across the parking lot on one leg. 

“Well he’s determined,” Harry observed. 

“You could certainly say that.” 

Andy somehow managed to beat them both to the front desk, despite hopping all the way there. 

“I’m so sorry for this, we know you’re super busy,” Harry apologized. 

The woman at the desk smiled at him. “Could we just get you to wait over there with him please? I’ll get you the necessary paperwork in just a moment, and we’ll send someone over as fast as possible.” 

“Yeah, thanks!” Andy thanked her, walking to sit in a chair. Trent and Harry managed to find seats next to him. 

“You can go, you know,” Trent told Harry. 

“And trust you to drive my car back?” He asked, scandalized. “Absolutely not. I don’t care if you have your license. Stay the fuck away from my car, Trent John Alexander-Arnold.” 

Trent held up his hands in surrender. 

“What’s my surname?” Andy asked, looking up from his forms. “Is that like my pronouns?” 

Trent nearly fell off his chair laughing, which earned him a look from the woman at the front desk. Harry merely acquainted his hand with his forehead and closed his eyes in exasperation. “Your surname is your last name, Robertson.” 

“Ohh, thank you,” Andy said. 

Trent looked at his forms. “You don’t know what a surname is, but you know your NHS number off the top of your head?!” 

“Yeah.” 

They sat in silence for a bit, trying to be respectful of the couple near them with worried expressions on their faces. They had probably sat there for twenty minutes when a doctor approached the two with a doctor who was obviously still a student behind him. He had a slight smile on his face, which Andy was glad of. He wanted everyone to be ok. 

“Good news,” the overheard him say. “Your son’s going to be fine. He had to perform some operations and tests on him, but he’s woken up. You can go visit now if you’d like two. Just head down the hall to room 143. Doctor Alverez will be in the room, just making sure he’s alright, but he’ll be out probably by the time you get there. Anything happens, hit the red emergency button by the bed.” 

“Thank you, thank you,” the guys mother said, scurrying off, her husband right behind. 

As soon as they were gone, the doctor let his smile drop. “Who’s next?” 

The receptionist pointed at Andy. “Suspected broken for fractured foot. He’s been here maybe 25 minutes, hopped in on one foot himself.” 

“I’m Andy,” he said, taking great satisfaction in seeing the face of the junior doctor fall, probably at his accent. 

“Hi Andy, I’m Dr De Bruyne. Could you stand up and just lean on me as we walk to the X-ray? I’m afraid your friends have to stay here. Thank you,” He said when Andy did as asked. “Would you mind telling me the story of how this happened?” 

Andy took a deep breath. “Well I was in my apartment with Trent, he’s my flatmate, and I was carrying a cardboard box of books across the room. I just dropped the box onto my food. It was pretty heavy, and now I’m in a lot of pain.”

“Ok, we’re going to do an X-ray. My names Kevin, by the way, Dr De Bruyne sounds very formal. I also know people have trouble saying De Bruyne. And this here is Erling, or Dr Haaland. I’m kind of helping train him, he’s just kind of gonna sit here and watch, would you be alright with that?” 

Andy nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine.” 

“Erling, could you help him sit on the table while I get the weighted blanked thingy?” he paused. “Sorry I’m too tired for words.” 

“No problem, I get that feeling sometimes,” said Andy. 

A brunet boy bursted through the door. “Kevin!” He exclaimed. “You’re needed in operating theatre 3, there’s been a car crash with six people involved, four seriously injured. Ilkay and Bernardo are on it too, but they definitely need more people.” 

“Shit. Fuck. Can you two handle this? It’s just and X-ray and a follow up, you know how to do that. Thank you so much!” He threw the blanket at Julian as he ran out of the room. 

“Ok, so!” Erling started. 

•••

Andy came out with his foot in a walking boot and one crutch. 

“The good news is it’s not broken!” he told Harry and Trent. 

“It’s fractured,” Erling said seriously. “Keep your weight off of it for a bit, come back if it gets worse.” 

“Thank you!” Andy said. 

“Let’s go, I’ve taken care of everything else,” Harry told them.

Chapter Text

April 7th, 2020. 07:45

Coincidence Chat 

Erling: kevin why did you jump three feet in the air when you turned your car on 

Kevin: i forgot i had my loud music on from yesterday and it scared me 

Kevin: also why do i have like, 200 new messages on this chat tf happened

Andy: well… this is awkward now 

Andy: yeah, just don’t read those 

Erling: nah, read them it’s hilarious 

Kevin: ok hang on 

Harry: as i said yesterday, i apologize for my friends 

Kevin: hold up

Kevin: you’re the idiot who fractured his foot dropping books on it? 

Andy: you’re a doctor. you’re supposed to be non judgemental! 

Kevin: well i’m judging you now 

Andy: :( ouch 

Kevin: i’m gonna assume it was trent and harry who were with you then? 

Trent: yup 

Trent: wait you were the doctor 

Harry: trent. we've been over this already. 

Trent: oh yeah 

Julian: hi andy 

Andy: oh jeez just my luck 

Andy: thanks for playing translator yesterday by the way, poor erling really needed it 

Erling: fuck you 

Julian: enzo wants to know if he can add his friend to the chat but he’s too scared to ask after the chaos andy and trent have caused 

Thomas: yup enzo seems sensible 

Thomas: although i suppose harry did too and these are his friends… 

Andy: OI! 

Sonny: harry regularly angers his boss deliberately because he hates him

Sonny: is that sensible? 

Manu: i mean if his boss is a dick to him then at least he’s standing up for himself, you know? 

Sonny: good point 

Thomas: enzo ofc you can add your friend 

Enzo: thank you! 

Thomas: everyone stop asking to add people and just add people at this point. 

Leo: as i said, this chat is my primary source of entertainment 

Enzo added 1270 

1270 changed their name to Christian

Christian: hey y’all, i’m enzo’s friend christian, i’m 24 years old and from the US originally 

Christian: don’t worry i will call soccer football for you guys 

Manu: thank you 

Manu: now, which team do you support? 

Christian: why do i feel like there’s no way i make it out of this question alive 

Trent: your ok as long as you don’t say Man U 

Erling: man city >>> man u 

Trent: plastic fan 

Erling: yk that my dad played for city? 

Erling: Alfie Haaland, google him 

Kevin: if you want baby photos of erling you can just google alfie haaland son erling. 

Trent: shit it’s true, sorry man. 

Neymar: you must be the only person in the world with parents disappointed that their child became a doctor 

Manu: :( don’t like the club but it’s named after me 

Robert: manu are you secretly over 150 years old? 

Christian: before you kill me blame Enzo for who i support it’s his fault 

Christian: it’s Chelsea 

Harry: could be worse, it could be arsenal or smth

Trent: you support tottenham :l you’re one to talk  

Harry: shut tf up they’re breaking me inside but it’s too late to back out now 

Harry: i’m emotionally invested 

Sonny: harry you’ve been emotionally invested since you were three or something 

Kevin: chelsea > any other london club 

Erling: ????? don’t you hate chelsea????

Erling: wait Eden give kevin his phone back 

Julian: enzo have we found another couple who support chelsea and city? 

Enzo: i do believe we have, juli 

Kylian: eww, couples 

Julian: killjoy 

Julian: just you wait, kyky, one day you’re gonna find a partner, add them to this chat, and be just as disgusting 

Kevin: [Replying to: wait eden give kevin…] no hehehe 

Kevin: he’s asleep anyways 

Erling: thank god 

Sergio: and who are you 

Kevin: i’m eden, kevin’s fiancé 

Geri: congratulations! 

Kevin: anyway, bye everyone it was nice meeting you 

Thomas: bye 

Sergio: i would like to make you all aware of the funniest tweet in existence 

Sergio: even if it’s three years old 

Sergio: [ImageIWillTryToInsert(butFailedA ndWillLinkAtBottom).jpeg]

Christian: can confirm

Christian: we do, in fact, have a weird citrus golem as a president 

Christian: and he’s a fucking asshole 

Enzo: *sighs* ok guys be prepared for another rant 

Christian: fine

Christian: just for you, enzo, i won’t rant about trump 

Christian: i also refuse to capitalize his name because according to my english teachers it’s supposed to show respect or smth 

Christian: and he doesn’t deserve respect 

Enzo: you didn’t capitalize my name either 

Julian: that’s fair 

Enzo: Juli how could you 

Kylian: who even uses capitalization anyways 

Robert: auto caps are for old people 

Manu: thommy, robert is trying to prove he’s “young and hip and woke” again :l 

Robert: excuse you i’m very woke 

Robert: i’m so woke i even have a husband 

Manu: i also have a husband, robert. you’re not special :) 

Robert: :( 

Manu: jk lewy yk we love you 

Robert: :) 

Chapter Text

Coincidence Chat 

April 9th, 2020. 13:04

Trent: “ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS, IS…” 

Kylian: to leave my motherfucking house 

Kevin: for my “parents” to stop interfering my my wedding that is now on hiatus due to covid 

Christian: a better president of my home country 

Sonny: some competent coworkers 

Harry: for spurs to win one bloody game 

Sergio: to be able to visit my boyfriend in Madrid 

Manu: it’s not fucking christmas 

Andy: YOUUU, YOU, BABY 

Erling: I will say, most of those responses were exactly what i’d expected based on conversations 

Leo: oh, kylian how’s your covid 

Kylian: well, i’m feeling fine, but i’m still in the quarantining stage since it’s only been five days or something 

Kevin: oh thank god i haven’t accidentally killed you by telling you not to come to the hospital 

Erling: oh andy how’s your foot? 

Andy: sore and difficult to walk on 

Andy: not that there are many places i could be going even if i could walk 

Andy: stupid covid 

Manu: leo, neymar, i’ve a question 

Neymar: ask away 

Manu: how’s the school system 

Leo: idk they don’t tell us anything about anything 

Neymar: well i’m still relying on that zoom whiteboard i told you about 

Manu: i was just wondering because josh’s teacher isn’t the best 

Neymar: who’s his teacher? i might know them 

Manu: mrs smith

Leo: god fucking lord 

Leo: i am so sorry

Neymar: oof that’s rough 

Christian: what’s so bad about her 

Leo: she’s so old we all wonder why she isn’t retired, awful at technology, terrible memory 

Neymar: don’t forget when she screamed at me while we were in a district meeting 

Thomas: been there, done that 

Thomas: parent teacher conferences were a right joy with her 

Sergio: kinda reminds me of my boss 

Sergio: he screamed at me because i mentioned taking a few days off to go watch my boyfriend win another ucl

Thomas: manu why haven’t you won a ucl 

Manu: because i’m not a football player, i’m a police officer 

Thomas: fair point 

Julian: HOLD UP 

Julian: WIN a ucl??!!! 

Enzo: ANOTHER?? 

Enzo: he’s won 2?? 

Cris: not exactly… 

Kevin: he’s won four hasn’t he 

Cris: yeah 

Cris: how’d you know? 

Kevin: you said you wanted to visit your boyfriend in MADRID 

Kevin: real has four ucl’s recently :( 

Sergio: i really shouldn’t have said anything 

Andy: i wanna know now tho 

Andy: i need to know which real player to not fucking despise

Sergio: he won the ballon d’or that’s all i’m saying 

Sergio: if you figure it out, don’t say a 

Sergio: SINGLE 

Sergio: FUCKING 

Sergio: WORD 

Sergio: to anyone 

Erling: ballon d’or comment made it really obvious and ofc we won’t 

Harry: oh he used to play for tottenham didn’t he

Sergio: yeah, he did 

Leo: oh, that’s really cool! 

Leo: he ucl part, not playing for tottenham

Leo: but back on the subject of joshua’s teacher… what did she do now 

Manu: she’s the most incompetent person ever 

Manu: she’s barely done anything to even attempt to educate the kids, i think they’ve had one call the entire time, and that was mostly her trying to work zoom 

Manu: he hasn’t learned anything, and thomas and i have started giving his stuff to do because he’s being driven out of his mind with boredom 

Manu: side note i’ve a day off today and i’m loving it 

Thomas: jo just beat the crap out of you in fifa, didn’t he 

Manu: yes :( 

Leo: what teams and scoreline 

Manu: i was bayern and he was rb leipzig 

Thomas: probably like 8-0 of something 

Manu: actually, Thommy 

Manu: it was 6-2 so at least i scored. twice

Thomas: everyday i wake up and thank god that i’m not as bad as you at fifa 

Manu: actually everyday you wake up and bitch about waking up 

Neymar: hahaha leo’s the same way 

Thomas: hey! 

Leo: hey! 

Robert: but thomas is always up before me if we’re on a stakeout??? 

Manu: *sighs* thommy. 

Chapter Text

Coincidence Chat

April 10th, 2020. 22:00

Leo: if any of you have small kids that don’t know their left and right, one of my students said the cutest thing today 

Leo: she’s like, “I learned how to put the right shoes on today!” 

Leo: it was because her parents cut stickers in half and put them in the shoe so when you put them the right way round they make a full sticker 

Robert: that’s absolutely adorable 

Andy: forget the kids 

Andy: i’m doing that for ME 

Trent: :l i swear your actually four years old or something 

Andy: shut up trentski 

Sonny: no i’m doing that too 

Sonny: harry do we have any stickers 

Harry: why are you texting me 

Harry: we’re lying right beside each other 

Kylian: EWW PDA 

Sonny: YOU CANT EVEN SEE US 

Harry: and maybe andy left some at ours pre covid 

Trent: what did i say. he’s like a four year old 

Andy: THEY WERE DINOSAUR STICKERS 

Trent: andy i’m gonna make a sticker of your face and put it in my shoes so it’s like i’m always standing on you 

Trent: i will have great satisfaction at the cutting it in half part 

Sergio: what. the. actual. fuck. trent. 

Trent: too violent? 

Kylian: nah

Kylian: at least it’s not harry and sonny’s pda 

Harry: why do you hate love so much :( 

Kylian: i don’t hate love :( 

Harry: ok :( 

Manu: damn why are you both so sad 

Kylian: idk :( 

Thomas: well i’m sad because i keep getting sent tiktok videos :( 

Thomas: Robert lewandowski if you send me one more tiktok video i swear to god you’ll never see marco again 

Robert: but they’re funny

Thomas: i don’t even have tiktok 

Neymar: how does he send them to you then 

Thomas: he just copies the link and sends it in a text :l

Thomas: btw i found you all on instagram 

Thomas: sergio why is your instagram just a bunch of thirst traps

Sergio: NO IT IS NOT

Manu: hahahahahaha i can totally believe that 

Manu: what’s everyone else’s like 

Thomas: christian’s is a bunch of political things 

Christian: it happens when a weird citrus golem is running your country into the ground 

Thomas: sergio’s @sergioramos on insta and christian is @cmpulisic 

Thomas: didn’t bother to find anyone on any other social media platforms 

Thomas: if what if you’re looking for people then just go to mine (@esmullert) and all your accounts are just my most recently followed ones 

Enzo: because that’s not creepy at all

Julian: enzo i can see you finding everyone right now you have no right to talk 

Enzo: ok but don’t act like you’re not doing the exact same thing, julian 

Trent: so while i was stalking everyone’s insta profiles… 

Harry: i love how that’s a normal sentence in this chat 

Trent: lots of your captions are in different languages sometimes 

Trent: how many people here AREN’T speaking their first language 

Kevin: i’m not even speaking my second language 

Julian: you don’t count you’re dutch all the languages are your first language

Kevin: EXCUSE ME 

Kevin: i’m from BELGUM 

Erling: you know julian just does that to annoy you, right? 

Kevin: well it works :( 

Andy: wait so what can you speak 

Kevin: i’d say dutch is my first language, then french and then english and i speak a little german too, but i’m not very good at it 

Christian: i guarantee  you, your german is better than mine and i tell people i can speak it 

Kevin: i rarely speak dutch tho nowadays, as i speak english at work and french with eden 

Kevin: but i pretty much learned french and english at the same time 

Erling: if kevin ever tells you he’s not good at something, DO NOT believe him 

Erling: the biggest lie this man ever told me was “sorry my english isn’t that good” 

Erling: because it’s flawless except for the occasional “oh shit what’s the word i know it in [insert another language he knows here] but not english” 

Kevin: most people in belgium speak at least two languages 

Kevin: i know someone who speaks something like 8 

Kevin: don’t really like him tho 

Erling: i swear you never met another belgian you actually like and don’t just pretend to put up with 

Kevin: not true my fiancé’s from there 

Leo: he’s got a point 

Leo: i speak spanish as my first language, and i speak a little french as well

Leo: enough to get by at least

Neymar: i speak portuguese and spanish 

Neymar: i feel like the english goes without saying but yeah, like kevin, it’s my third 

Julian: [Replying to: i speak spanish…] Spanish speakers unite!! 

Enzo: Yesss

Enzo: tbh my english speaking isn’t that great, i can write and read and listen, but when it comes to speaking… :l 

Thomas: my first language is german, and so is manu’s 

Sonny: and i speak Korean as my first language but also a little german 

Sergio: i’m in the spanish gang 

Geri: spanish gang fuck yeahhh! 

Trent: wow 

Trent: why are there so many people who speak spanish as their first language in this 

 Erling: and i speak norwegian as my first, english as my second, and (some, enough to get by) german as my third! 

Harry: guys i feel boring 

Andy: it’s ok me too 

Trent: all we’ve got going for us is our interesting accents 

Harry: mines not even that interesting it’s just difficult to understand :( 

Andy: same :( 

Trent: tbh kinda true 

Christian: i don’t even get an interesting accent 

Enzo: yeah you do you just forget you have one

Christian: oop yeah forgot about that 

Robert: I speak polish, german, and english 

Kylian: no one else here speaks french :( 

Kylian: i have to be sad and alone 

Leo: i speak some 

Leo: hate it tho

Leo: i’ll listen to you talk in french but i won’t be able to make any interesting conversation 

Kylian: ok if i ever need to talk in french to someone who understands i’ll just ask you 

Leo: of course! 

Kevin: you ever get that feeling where you realize that you actually haven’t spoken your first language in so long to someone able to have a conversation in it that you feel like your forgetting it 

Kevin: or you realize that you miss the comfort of speaking it 

Kylian: yesss all the time 

Kylian: i thought it was just me 

Kevin: btw kylian if you ever want to have a real conversation with someone in french i’ll always talk 

Kevin: unless i’m busy 

Kylian: oops i forgot you speak french

Kylian: might take you up on that some time 

Sergio: i think majority rules 

Sergio: the chat language has been changed to spanish 

Andy: nooooooo 

Kevin: i know four languages and you pick one i don’t know -_- 

Julian: you should learn 

Enzo: if you speak four already, it shouldn’t be that difficult to learn another 

Kevin: great if i ever find time in my life i’ll learn another fucking language i’ll never use instead of doing something i actually want to 

Erling: this is cranky kevin 

Erling: it means he hasn’t gotten enough sleep, or eden isn’t paying enough attention to him 

Julian: or both

Thomas: wait wait wait wait wait wait 

Thomas: kevin what’s your fiancés last name 

Kevin: ??? it’s hazard 

Thomas: YES 

Thmas: that man is the worlds #1 therapist 

Thomas: I was on a call with him a few days back when you walked into a table 

Thomas: and swore a lot in some language i don’t know

Thomas: if any of you ever need a therapist, go to this guy 

Thomas: i swear to god, he’s amazing 

Thomas: btw kevin he tells people stories about you if they don’t feel live talking about feelings that day but want some company and it’s the sweetest thing ever. he’ll get this stupid smile on his face and he will honestly talk about you for hours 

Kevin: guys he’s asleep again 

Kevin: it’s me your favourite imposter 

Kevin: Thomas don’t tell him that 

Sergio: oh shit 

Trent: hi kevin’s fiancé 

Kevin: ok i was only here to silence his notifications because you were getting annoying 

Andy: bye kevin’s fiancé 

Kevin: bye guys 

Kylian: ok imma head out too 

Harry: same i have a 7am call in the morning :( 

Leo: bye 

Leo: please try to sleep a decent amount tonight everyone 

Chapter Text

New chat

April 13th, 2020. 06:12

1222 added 1201 and 1225 to the chat 

1222 changed their name to Sonny 

1222 changes 1201’s name to Manu 

1222 changed 1225’s name to Thomas  

Sonny: i need some help 

Sonny: sorry it’s early 

Manu: no it’s fine thomas has to be up for work and so naturally i have to wake up to drag him out of bed 

Manu: what’s up 

Sonny: so 

Sonny: how tf do i porpoise to someone 

Thomas: porpoise? 

Sonny: shit i meant porpoise 

Sonny: porpoise 

Sonny: FUCKING AUTOCORECT

Manu: take your time 

Sonny: porpoise

Sonny: want marry harry 

Sonny: property 

Sonny: SHIT HOW 

Sonny: it’s a sign isn’t it 

Thomas: DON’T SAY THAT 

Thomas: we both knew what you meant from the start btw 

Sonny: so why didn’t you tell me that :l 

Manu: it was funnier this way 

Manu: sorry :) 

Thomas: so you want to porpoise to harry?! 

Sonny: shut tf up 

Sonny: and yes 

Sonny: that’s what i need help with 

Sonny: i didn’t know which one of you proposed so i put you both in the chat 

Sonny: FUCKING FINALLY GOT THE WORD RIGHT 

Thomas: that would be me :) 

Thomas: step #1: do you have a ring? that FITS 

Manu: -_- you would know all about that, wouldn’t you thommy 

Thomas: fuck you 

Sonny: thomas did you get a ring that didn’t fit 

Thomas: no comment :l 

Sonny: yes i do have one 

Thomas: kk great! moving on… 

Thomas: when? 

Sonny: soon? idk 

Sonny: i sorta have a plan 

Sonny i need a clear night tho 

Manu: tell us your plan 

Manu: also don’t stress over it 

Manu: he’ll still say yes even if it all goes drastically wrong 

Sonny: yours went drastically wrong, didn’t it. 

Thomas: :l maybe 

Sonny: oh shit what if this goes awfully wrong like yours 

Thomas: well first of all, ouch 

Thomas: and second of all, Manu still married me, didn’t he?

Manu: that’s true i did 

Manu: and third, it won’t go wrong. 

Manu: now tell us the plan

Sonny: ok, so harry has this spot a little ways out of the city that he goes to whenever he needs to think but recently he took me there and we’ve been there together a few times just to look at the sky and city

Sonny: it’s a flat, rocky cliff (i say cliff but it’s actually only about 3 meters tall) on the edge of a forest and it’s got a slight view of the city 

Sonny: anyways enough descriptions 

Sonny: my plan is to take harry there (actually he’s going to take me there since i can’t drive but detailed schmetails, whatever) and then i’m gonna propose but one problem is we usually go at night but i need light for him to be able to see me and it’s pretty dark at night 

Thomas: no shit scerlock 

Thomas: take him there just on the brink of sunset 

Thomas: lighting problem solved 

Manu: then propose just as the sun goes down and stay for a bit to wait for the stars to come out 

Sonny: wait that’s really fucking obvious why didn’t i think of that 

Thomas: otherwise a good plan 

Manu: sentimental location, good view, good lighting 

Thomas: private setting so if he dumps your ass no one sees your emotional breakdown 

Manu: THOMAS MÜLLER 

Thomas: what? it was one of the factors in where i proposed to you 

Manu: WHAT 

Sonny: actually him saying no isn’t something i’m worried about here 

Sonny: we’ve discussed marriage, of course 

Sonny: but i want it to be perfect for him

Sonny: because he deserves it 

Sonny: and i’m so fucking in love with him holy shit  

Thomas: you’re only just realizing this now??? 

Sonny: no this whole talk just got me thinking 

Manu: wait what even was your question 

Sonny: idk i just wanted to tell someone 

Sonny: anyways tank you for letting me say this 

Sonny: FUCK NO 

Sonny: you know what mean 

Thomas: yes we do :) 

Thomas: it was great to listen too 

Thomas: even tho i didn’t help that much with anything 

Thomas: anyways don’t take my advice on proposals 

Manu: bye! you’ll do fine! 

Sonny: bye! 

Chapter Text

“SHIT!” was the first thing Sonny heard when he woke up. He bolted upright, scared that something was seriously wrong, something like their house being on  fire, or his boyfriend getting injured. 

It was probably neither of these things. Sonny just liked to worry. Well, he didn’t like it, but it was pretty much part of his daily routine now anyways. 

“Harry?” he called out tentatively, getting out of bed and walking into the main room of their shared flat. 

“Sorry, did I wake you? Wait of course I did, I just yelled shit loud enough for the whole building to hear. Sorry about that. I was letting you sleep a bit longer, because you seem stressed. But now your awake.” 

Sonny chuckled softly. “Yeah, I am. Don’t mind tho,” he said, coming around to stand behind Harry’s chair and wrap his arms around him, leaning down to rest his chin on top of the blond’s head. “It means I get to be with you.” He added a wink on the end, even though he knew Harry couldn’t see his eyes. 

Harry tildes his head up, dislodging Sonny’s head so he could give him a soft kiss. He smiled and couldn’t resist teasing him a little. “Go eat some breakfast and then brush your teeth, you taste like morning breath.” 

••• 

Sonny shook his head when he saw Harry start to prepare dinner for the two of them. “Go sit,” he said, gesturing to one of the barstools on the opposite side of the island. “I’ll do dinner tonight.” 

“Any special occasion?” his boyfriend asked. “I’m pretty sure my cooking isn’t that bad.” 

Sonny smiled softly. “Just saying thank you for the fact that you sent my boss a message, pretending to be me, saying ‘I was sick and wouldn’t be available to work today’ because I was stressed, and then let me sleep in for a bit longer.” 

Harry shrugged. “It was good though, wasn’t it? Not having to interact with your brain dead coworkers for a whole day.” 

“Yes it was. And now it’s even better, because I’m with you.” 

Harry blushed. “You’ve spent all day with me, Minnie,” he used the nickname that only he could use. “It’s quite literally impossible for us not to see each other. 

“Well, yes, but not properly. And stop ruining the moment.” He let out a fond laugh. He loved Harry, his logic included, but sometimes he just needed to take the complement. 

“Sorry,” he looked at the countertop. 

Sonny laughed again. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

Sonny was glad. 

••• 

“Can we go for a drive?” Sonny asked at around eight. “Up to your rock place?” 

“Sure, Sonny. We can go to our rock place. You wanna go now?” Harry put extra emphasis on the word our. This made Sonny a tad more confidant about his plan. 

“Let me just put a sweater on to be warmer,” he said, instead of answering the question. Harry understood that this meant ‘yes, now.’

“I’m gonna go make us some hot chocolate to bring and grab a blanket, but other than that, I’m ready to go.” 

Sonny ran up to their room. He did need to put on a sweater for warmth, but that wasn’t the sole purpose for going into the bedroom. He also had to grab the ring and send a quick text to Thomas and Manu. He’d said he’d message when he was gonna propose, after all. 

Thomas, Manu, and Sonny

April 15, 2020. 20:07

Sonny: guys 

Sonny: i’m proposing tonight 

Thomas: GOOD LUCK!! 

Manu: Good luck, sonny! 

Manu: it’s gonna go just fine. 

Sonny: thank you guys! 

Sonny: gtg now! 

•••

“Ready?” Harry asked as he put his shoes on. 

Sonny nodded, mimicking his movements to do the same thing. 

“Ok, let’s go!” he grabbed Harry’s hand after he locked the door, and practically pulled him down the stairs. 

“Eager, are we?” Harry asked, teasing. Sonny knew full well that he was blushing. 

“Shut up.” 

The drive there was mostly silent, but it was a comfortable silence. There was the occasional chatter, but mostly Sonny just stared at Harry, while the other pretended that he didn’t notice. They had to walk fifteen minutes after parking through a lightly treed forrest to get to the rock, but neither of them minded. 

“I love it here,” Harry said. “It’s peaceful. And it’s ours.” 

“I love it too, but not as much as I love you.” 

“And I love you too, but you’re being extra sappy today, making dinner when it’s not your day and everything.” 

“Actually…” Sonny started to say, before deciding against the next part of his sentence. Instead, he got onto one knee and pulled out a small, black box, opening it and tilting it towards Harry. He’d had a whole speech prepared. He promptly forgot the whole thing. 

“Will you marry me?” 

Harry surged in to kiss him. “Yes. A million times yes.” 

Sonny have a breathy laugh of relief. “I had a whole speech prepared, but I forgot it.” 

Harry was beaming. “That’s ok, I don’t need a whole speech to know that you love me.” 

They lay together, holding each other as the sky grew darker. They couldn’t wait to spend the rest of their lives with the other. 

It was perfect. 

Chapter Text

Coincidence Chat

April 16, 2020. 19:35. 

Robert: listen up, gays! 

Julian: do you mean guys, or… 

Robert: GAYS, julian. i mean gays 

Julian: ok… i’m listening 

Julian: just generally assuming we’re using gay as an umbrella term here because i’m bi 

Robert: idc how you use it 

Robert: that’s not my point here 

Robert: using the “gays can only do one or two of these three things” model, which can you guys do?

Robert: cook, do math, and drive 

Julian: math. i can do math. 

Julian: and cook… 

Julian: toast 

Julian: never really bothered learning to drive 

Julian: kinda useless when you can just bus or take the underground

Thomas: well guys what, robert 

Thomas: i can do all three 

Kylian: you can cook?? 

Thomas: should i be offended that you’re so shocked? 

Kylian: no not like that 

Kylian: just never had you pegged as someone who enjoys it 

Thomas: it’s relaxing 

Enzo: i can’t do math 

Enzo: at all 

Enzo: can drive tho and cook tho 

Manu: i can also do all three (hate maths tho) 

Manu: but i also never cook because thommy does that usually 

Thomas: :l

Manu: he enjoys it guys don’t worry he’s mad a the nickname 

Manu: even tho i know he’s smiling

Thomas: shut up no i’m not 

Thomas: you can’t even see me you’re at work

Harry: my whole job is kind of just doing maths 

Sonny: me too :) 

Manu: sounds awful 

Harry: and i can drive but sonny can’t. 

Harry: and we can both cook 

Thomas: tbh i don’t understand people who can’t cook 

Thomas: like, how??? 

Andy: i can make coffee 

Andy: that suppresses my appetite enough :) 

Trent: :l we had this conversation didn’t we 

Andy: and i can’t cook because i never really needed too therefore i never learned since my mum loved it (but had absolutely no patience to teach me) when i was a kid, and since i’ve moved in with trent, all he’s done is cook so i just est whatever he makes 

Trent: that’s it. 

Trent: i’m giving you cooking lessons sometime 

Robert: well we’ve got an awful lot of gays in this chat 

Christian: and is that a bad thing, robert?? 

Robert: I AM MARRIED. TO A MAN. 

Kylian: not for long 

Robert: wtf 

Robert: what does that even mean 

Robert: KYLIAN 

Robert: KYKY 

Harry: are you hating love again :( 

Kylian: no i’m sorry i’m just vaguely jealous because my bf and i just broke up recently and i also haven’t talked to anyone except you guys in two weeks :( 

Harry: noooo i’m so sorry 

Robert: yeah me too :( 

Kylian: we’re all good i’m sorry too 

Kylian: and i can do maths and cook enough to get by! 

Kylian: like julian, i never bothered to learn how to drive 

Erling: i also never bothered learning how to drive! 

Kylian: my whole uni major is maths pretty much 

Sergio: what’re you studying 

Kylian: engineering 

Kylian: final year, only two months left, but i already have a job lined up at a company when i graduate 

Harry: YESSSS 

Harry: that’s what i work as! 

Harry: cancel your plans and come work with me please all my coworkers are incompetent morons!!!!

Kylian: i’m sorry about your coworkers :(

Harry: it’s all good 

Thomas: Papa, dad is burning down your kitchen trying to make pancakes 

Manu: ???? 

Manu: Jo???? what are you doing on thomas’s phone 

Thomas: he’s distracted by the heavy burning smell and left it open 

Manu: i take ONE night shift and leave you two alone and you burn down my kitchen?! 

Thomas changed their name to Jo

Jo: dad says “Actually it’s my kitchen, since i do all the fucking work in it” 

Jo: direct quote 

Jo: well not exactly since he said it in german but close enough

Jo: i’m 11 guys its ok i can swear 

Christian: 11??? and swearing??? 

Andy: i forgot Americans were so much more sensitive to swearing at a young age than people living in the uk 

Sonny: why are you making pancakes at 7 o’clock at NIGHT?? 

Jo: because we can? 

Sonny: ok fair enough 

Manu: did you eat real food first? 

Jo: yes of course 

Jo: dad loves cooking way too much for us not to 

Manu: and then you chose to make one of the only things he CAN’T make? 

Jo: well i made the batter, he’s just doing the cooking 

Manu: and why are they burning????? 

Jo: we were playing fifa at the same time 

Manu: Joshua Kimmich-Neuer. 

Manu: what did i tell you about always watching food when it’s cooking 

Jo: damn, pulling the full name card 

Jo: i really am in trouble 

Jo: “your” kitchen is practically fine now anyways 

Jo: dad put out the SMALL fire 

Manu: good 

Manu: now give thomas his phone back, please

Jo: bye! love you! 

Manu: bye jo 

Enzo: BYEEEEE!!!!! 

Jo: wow he changed my name and everything 

Jo changed their name to Thomas 

Thomas: sorry guys didn’t think he’d text the group 

Manu: THATS WHAT YOU'RE SORRY FOR? 

Manu: NOT MY POOR KITCHEN? :( 

Thomas: ITS MY KITCHEN! :( 

Sonny: literally just yesterday these guys were giving me tips on proposing and now they’re getting divorced themselves 

Sonny: btw he did not dump me  

Andy: YOU'RE CHEATING ON HARRY 

Harry: ANDY YOU DUMBASS HES ENGAGED TO ME 

Trent: CONGRATULATIONS 

Harry: THANK YOU 

Thomas: did sonny fuck it up 

Manu: THOMAS MÜLLER 

Sonny: only a little :) 

Sonny: I kind of forgot about the ring 

Sonny: lmao i proposed with it but then we were cuddling on the blanket and it was kind of forgotten 

Harry: we remembered about it when we left tho 

Harry: if we hadn’t that would’ve been bad. 

Harry: anyways tell us about your kitchen 

Manu: dw you guys it’s just some minor burn marks in a kitchen i’m not really mad 

Enzo: Wait 

Enzo: Kimmich-Neuer?? 

Enzo: isn’t thomas’s last name müller 

Thomas: well he’s not technically my kid 

Thomas: well he’s my kid in my heart (and in the papers i signed) but not by blood 

Manu: i’d already had jo when thomas and i met 

Manu: his mother’s not really around, i have full custody, and we were quite young when we had him 

Manu: the one thing she wanted was our names hyphenated on his birth certificate 

Thomas: manu never says the kimmich part unless he’s frustrated 

Manu: tbf none of us do 

Robert: by quite young he means he was 21 

Manu: yeah we were 21 and 23

Manu: good math, robert :) 

Leo: who else has kids? 

Thomas: robert has little frenkie 

Robert: MEEEEEEEEE 

Robert: frenkie’s not so little anymore. he’s 7 now 

Robert: yeah i have a seven year old called frenkie 

Leo: WAIT 

Leo: frenkie isn’t a common name, is it 

Leo: what’s his last name 

Robert: he, marco and I didn’t change it when we adopted him (he was four) so it’s still De Jong 

Leo: does this kid have blonde hair 

Robert: yeah… 

Leo: LMAOOO 

Leo: 99% sure this kids in my class 

Leo: does this mean we met at parent teacher conferences before?

Robert: not this year, no

Robert: marco had to go by himself

Robert: i got shot through the calf two nights before 

Enzo: i don’t understand how people can stand injuries and not throw up

Enzo: i can’t even listen to julian talk about his day at work in any great detail

Trent: Andy cried renewing his first aid course online a week ago

Andy: shut up that was overwhelming 

Andy: the thought of someone’s bone sticking out of their skin makes me want to die 

Harry: note to self no dumbassery if andy is the only person around 

Sergio: that’s a good word 

Sergio: dumbassery 

Sergio: gonna start using that 

Kylian: does anyone wanna face time because i have no friends :) 

Kylian: not now but like, just at a time 

Erling: YES 

Erling: i’m going insane 

Erling: you guys an work are the only contact i’ve had with people for three weeks 

Harry: yeah that’s pretty much me too 

Harry: the only person i’ve interacted with in real life is sonny 

Harry: and that time i drove andy and trent to the hospital 

Andy: we don’t talk about that 

Andy: it was very embarrassing 

Julian: tbh i think it was more embarrassing for erling than you 

Erling: fuck you 

Erling: kylian just text me about a face time and we’ll set one up when we’re both free! 

Kylian: :) :) 

Erling: I feel special because i got two smilies!!! :) :) 

Erling: anyways bye everyone 

Christian: bye!

Chapter Text

Coincidence Chat

April 20, 2020. 06:45.

Leo: ney woke me up :( 

Leo: out of curiosity, have any of you guys ever had a rule made because of you? 

Kevin: the “employees are now limited to three cups of coffee per day” sign on the coffee machine at the hospital may or may not be my fault. 

Erling: kevin have you ever paid attention to that sign tho 

Kevin: it’s not like anyone checks anyways! 

Neymar: so no 

Kevin: yeah, how else am i supposed to make it through the day? 

Erling: sleep a normal amount of hours?! 

Kevin: to be fair, is there even a single person in this chat who could lecture me about a sensible sleep schedule without being a hypocrite? 

Erling: not the point, does eden know 

Kevin: erling you can’t just bring eden up in every convo 

Erling: watch me 

Neymar: okkkkk, 

Neymar: so my boss is very strict on dress codes at the office, and we have a no shorts rule unless the weather is above x or y degrees (can’t quite remember) 

Neymar: anyways it was hot but not quite enough for him to allow shorts 

Neymar: and the rule specifically said shorts 

Neymar: i have a Scottish friend who lives nearby my job and i was about to die so i just went and borrowed a kilt 

Neymar: needless to say, the rule is now shorts AND skirts 

Leo: would’ve loved to see the look on your boss’s face 

Neymar: it was priceless 

Julian: mines not specifically me, but i may have been a part of it :)

Julian: my high school football team is no longer allowed to stay in rooms with bunk beds on trips 

Julian: after a win we all got piss drunk and tried to drag a few outside and stack them all on top of each other 

Leo: how many injuries were there when they inevitably collapsed 

Julian: well… 

Julian: let’s just say at least the tournament was over 

Sergio: i got glow sticks banned from summer camp because i broke them and got that neon liquid open 

Andy: do not intentionally set your project on fire in a fit of rage when you mess it up - a sign on high school woodworking’s door, written by trent after i messed up a box 

Trent: we had to evacuate the school 

Harry: how about just don’t set things on fire in general? 

Trent: would’ve worked as well

Kylian: damn, you’ve all gotta stop doing dumb shit 

Neymar: well maybe places need to stop having dumb rules 

The Doctors

April 20, 2020. 09:55. 

Erling: who here is working right now 

Erling: please tell me no one is 

Erling: kevin

Erling: JACK ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE 

Julian: erling what’s going on 

Erling: ILKAY

Julian: ERLING please calm down and tell me what’s happening 

Erling: do you have BBC 

Julian: the british broadcasting crap? yeah, unfortunately 

Erling: just found out from it that three ER doctors have been stabbed by a guy 

Erling: they have NOTHING on who, why, or how critical the stabbings are 

Jack: NOBODY’S DEAD 

Jack: i’m working 

Jack: bbc works fast

Jack: that only happened an hour ago 

Bernardo: i’m working too 

Bernardo: and your not going to like this news 

Bernardo: so this guy came in and we’re pretty sure he’s not in his right mind, but we legally can’t refuse service except in really specific circumstances 

Bernardo: it’s fairly quiet so we put him with kevin and ilkay together just in case 

Julian: NO 

Jack: yeah… 

Ruben: and john when he came running in to help 

Ruben: bbc is exaggerating as always no one was truly stabbed 

Ruben: only slashed with a knife 

Julian: so stabbed :l 

Rodri: Technically only John got impaled with the knife. 

Rodri: Kevin was some slashes on the ribs and Ilkay on the outer arm. 

Julian: nobody is dead tho, right? 

Jack: Nobody’s dead and nobody’s got life threatening injuries 

Bernardo: And absolutely no one freaked out over having to pull a knife out of his husbands thigh and the fact that maybe, puncture wounds do actually bleed, even when it’s someone you love 

Bernardo: *cough* ruben *cough*

Ruben: long story short john is ok now thanks to my expert calmness

Jack: sure, buddy. whatever helps you sleep at night. 

Julian: anyone told eden? 

Jack: not yet :l erling you do it he likes you 

Erling: how about kevin just does it later 

Erling: wait shouldn’t you be working 

Jack: anyone who heard about the incident and could get to another hospital went there instead 

Jack: so for the first time in ages we actually have nothing to do 

Bernardo: unless you’re ruben, in which case you’re gonna just sit next to john’s bed and stare into space 

Ruben: it just made me realize how fragile life is 

Ruben: What if he’d DIED 

Ruben: i don’t know what i would’ve done 

Ruben: the world is a cruel and dark place 

Ruben: never mind guys John’s awake 

Erling: send him my best wishes and a get well soon! 

Erling: and Kevin and Ilkay as well 

Julian: yeah, me too! 

Jack: will do! 

Jack will also message with updates on conditions 

Erling: thank you Jack. 

Coincidence Chat

April 20, 2020. 13:23. 

Thomas: just had a call to a hospital of all places

Thomas: that’s a new one for me 

Erling: are you still there??? 

Thomas: yeah just as a precaution 

Thomas: i’m chatting with some of the employees 

Thomas: they keep ribbing one of them about panicking at the sight of blood 

Julian: can you tell kevin to text us please it would be greatly appreciated 

Julian: because erling is worried sick 

Thomas: ???? 

Thomas: HOLY SHIT WAS KEVIN ONE OF THE THREE WHO GOT STABBED 

Thomas: which ones he 

Andy: he’s the ginger one 

Erling: i am NOT worried sick 

Julian: sure you aren’t 

Julian: that’s why you didn’t text immediately after you’d heard 

Erling: shut up 

Thomas: i just found out one of the stabees was the guy they’re all teasing for freaking out’s husband 

Manu: and that’s why i don’t do cases with you 

Manu: also stabees isn’t a word 

Thomas: it is now 

Thomas: someone’s who’s been stabbed 

Julian: i’ll give you 10 pounds to tell ilkay he’s a “stabee” now

Julian: and film it and send it to the chat 

Thomas: give me three minutes 

Julian: shit i was joking 

Julian: thomas 

Kevin: guys he did it i got it on video 

Kevin: [stabee.mov] 

Julian: i will say that “hehehehe stabeeeeee” is not what i expected him to say 

Thomas: guess you owe me ten pounds now 

Erling: NEVER MIND THAT KEVIN YOURE ALIVE!!! 

Kevin: that was never in doubt 

Kevin: they’re making me stay overnight :( 

Kevin: anyways i have to go phone my fiancé now so bye! 

Coincidence Chat 

April 20, 2020. 16:48

Kylian: i leave this chat alone for three hours, and i come back to find out someone’s been STABBED???

Chapter Text

New Chat

April 25th, 2020. 10:42

1212 added 1252 to the chat 

1212 changed their name to Kyky 

1212 changed 1252’s name to Erling

Kyky: Sooooooo 

Kyky: about that face time call…

Kyky: no rush or anything if you don’t want to 

Kyky: I was just wondering if now could maybe be a good time 

Erling: Of course!!!!! :) 

Erling: You worry too much :) 

Kyky: i have been told that before 

Erling: Now’s an excellent time. I was actually just thinking about texting you :) 

Incoming FaceTime: From Erling

FaceTime accepted. Call started at 10:44. 

Kylian answered Erling call beaming. “I think this is my first proper contact with anyone in three weeks. Excluding my family, of course.” 

Erling smiled back at him. “That’s why I’m glad for the hospital. It may be hard work, but at least I can talk to Kevin and Julian and Jack and Rico and Bernardo and Ilkay and Rodri and Kyle and Phil and Stephan and Scott and Eddy and John and Ruben-”

Kylian cut him off, laughing. “You don’t need to list every single one of your coworkers.” 

“Sorry.” Erling blushed. 

“Don’t be sorry, I think it’s sweet that you like them that much. I with I had a little community like that all of my classmates are dickheads.” 

“But you do have a little community, with us!” Erling protested. “Just because half of us have never met before doesn’t make us not friends. There’s me and Kevin and Julian and Thomas and Sergio and Manu and Leo and-” this time he had to interrupt himself, he was laughing to hard. “You get it. Sorry, I have a tendency to ramble.” 

“I don’t mind,” said Kylian, moving into his kitchen to put the kettle on for tea. “Sorry for interrupting one of your few free days.” 

The blond shrugged. “It’s not interrupting if I want to talk to you.” 

“Speaking of the hospital…” Kylian pretended to be unaffected by Erling saying he wanted to spend time talking to him. “How are your coworkers? The ones who were stabbed.” 

“Oh!” Erling brightened up. “They’re doing much better. Kevin and Ilkay have been given ten days off work each, and John fourteen. Benefits of being impaled by a knife, I suppose.” 

“I wouldn’t say there were benefits of being impaled by a knife.” 

“Are you kidding me? Two weeks off? That’s literally the only thing I want right now.” 

“Hospital life not treating you well?” 

“Tell me about it,” Erling complained. “Trying to work and take notes and study is hell.” 

“Glad I’ve only got until May left,” Kylian said, relieved. “I only need to survive another month.” 

“What are you doing again? Sorry, I forgot. I know we discussed it in the chat before.” 

“Computer engineering. It’s not actually that difficult, but it’s a fuck ton of time consuming work.” 

“I can imagine,” Erling laughed. “If you don’t mind, I actually have some revising to do, but maybe we could stay on the phone while I do it?” he asked, hopefully. 

“Oh, yeah! Are you sure you want to stay on the phone though? It’s totally ok if you need to concentrate.” 

“Oh no, it’s perfectly fine! In fact, I would love some company. I can’t stand the silence of my apartment anymore. The hospital is so busy, and I actually like that part. It’s rarely silent.” 

“The silence of the apartment feels suffocating,” Kylian finished for him. “I know the feeling. I’ve been feeling it ever since Ar- my boyfriend left.” 

“Oh.” Erling had no idea what to say next. He settled for a simple, “I’m sorry.” 

“Not your fault,” the Frenchman shrugged. “Was probably for the better anyways. Here, how about I design this thing while you work. That way we can both work, but aren’t alone. Just don’t tell me about your gross, doctor-y stuff.” He laughed. “Makes my insides squirm.” 

“Noted. I don’t know shit about technology, so this probably goes both ways.” 

Their conversation tapered off, and they studied in relative silence. Erling focusing on memorizing more about IVs, and Kylian concentrated on his computer. It worked well.

••• 

“That was great,” Kylian said a few hours later when they’d both gotten some productive work done. They’d also had virtual lunch together, propping their phones up as they ate. “I’ll let you go now, but we should totally do that again one day!” 

“Absolutely!” Erling agreed. “See you soon?” 

“Soon,” Kylian confirmed. 

FaceTime ended. 13:53. 

Call duration: 3 hours 9 minutes. 

Chapter Text

Coincidence Chat

April 28th, 2020. 12:49.

Trent: guys 

Trent: i haven’t seen my café crush in ages 

Robert: whats a café crush? 

Trent: Just this guy i like 

Andy: he works at the same cafe as me and trentski’s got the massivest crush on him in the whole wide world even though they’ve never spoken

Trent: it’s not massive 

Manu: massivest isn’t a word 

Thomas: shut up yes it is 

Trent: doesn’t matter because it’s not massive 

Andy: first of all, that’s what she said 

Andy: second, you talk about him so much 

Andy: you go to the cafe specifically to see him 

Andy: and not me, your best friend 

Trent: he’s hot 

Robert: that’s cute 

Robert: but you really should talk to him 

Trent: well that’s the problem 

Trent: i haven’t seen him :( 

Trent: not since the start of covid 

Andy: i’ve seen him 

Trent: shut the hell up 

Andy: you really should speak to him, you know 

Leo: what coffee shop is this? i feel like i need to come and watch all the drama unfold in person 

Trent: it’s the happy highlands cafe 

Andy: wow trent, just casually expose me 

Thomas: WAIT A FUCKER 

Leo: that’s not an expression that gets used 

Robert: wait… 

Thomas: yeah 

Thomas: you’re the sassy barista who mocks me all the time???? 

Manu: is he the one you said makes shitty hot chocolate the day of our first date? 

Andy: how on earth do you still remember that 

Andy: you’re married, that would have been ages ago 

Robert: that’s the one that’s like, two minutes from out station, isn’t it? 

Thomas: yeah, it’s not one of they chain ones too, so there’s only one 

Andy: are you guys part of the police officers that come in regularly 

Manu: were detectives 

Trent: same difference 

Andy: which ones are you

Andy: wait thomas you’re the loud annoying brunet one aren’t you? that keeps insulting me 

Manu: and i’m the tall blond one, yeah 

Andy: you guys are cute together 

Andy: haven’t seen either of you in a while, though 

Trent: you know who’d be cute together? 

Andy: you and Dominik? 

Trent: me and Dominik 

Trent: yeah, what you said 

Andy: you have to speak to him first 

Trent: I CANT SPECK TI HIM IF I CANT SEE HIM 

Leo: good spelling 

Trent: shut up those were typos 

Trent: i was typing too fast

Leo: type slower then

Neymar: Leo 

Leo: sorry i’m snappy today 

Leo: i’m stressed because the kids are infuriating me 

Leo: I genuinely have no idea what to do and i feel bad leaving them with nothing because some parents are trying to work 

Robert: don’t stress about that, Leo 

Manu: for us, Thomas and i have started trying to get shifts that aren’t at the same time 

Manu: doesn’t always work but it’s better than leaving him home alone for 10 hours every day 

Thomas: of course, he’s 11 so it’s a bit easier 

Thomas: i can’t even imagine doing this with a seven year old 

Robert: and we’re trying to pull strings to get Pablo and Pedro 

Thomas: you going through with that?! 

Sergio: going through with what? 

Robert: well there’s these two kids, Pablo and Pedro, they’re brothers in the system 

Robert: we’re trying to adopt them so they don’t have to keep doing that and jumping from home to home, and can still stay together

Robert: except covid likes being a little fucker and so does the foster agency 

Robert: but we’re almost there!!! 

Leo: Now I feel more guilty 

Leo: your kid is in my class and i ain’t doing shit to help

Leo: frenkie’s great, by the way

Robert: ik :) 

Robert: seriously, it’s ok. Since crime rate has actually dropped since the beginning of covid, less of us have to actually be in the actual building, which means less in person shifts 

Robert: and we can write reports and stuff from home 

Robert: you’re already doing a great job on the teams calls, Frenks says he loves the whiteboard 

Robert: he takes after his Marco there, not me 

Leo: if you say so… 

Manu: seriously leo, don’t stress over it 

Manu: as long as you do something, there’s no way you can be worse than Jo’s teacher 

Sergio: still doing nothing? 

Thomas: Yeah 

Thomas: feels more like homeschooling at this point 

Manu: that’s because it kind of is 

Neymar: are you guys just going through things with him then? 

Manu: yeah, mostly math, he likes that, but we’ve been looking through the curriculum a bit for other stuff too 

Neymar: don’t know anything abt teaching 11 year olds, sorry! 

Neymar: I just do the little kids 

Sergio: fufuwichsusievxjao 

Christian: ????????? 

Sergio: dridbdaka 

Christian: i think he’s had a heart attack guys 

Christian: maybe some form of seizure 

Sergio changed their name to Luka

Luka: Who on earth are you people?

Christian: who on earth are you, weird sergio impersonator 

Enzo: please excuse him, he’s american 

Luka: guys i got my phone back 

Luka: No, he’s lying. I still have it. 

Luka: I’m Sergio’s boyfriend. 

Luka: sergio here again, let it be know that this is not usually the day round these introductions go 

Luka: These introductions usually don’t go, because I’m not out, and we live in different counties. 

Thomas: this is far too confusing, just add him to the chat at this point. then he can leave or stay, idc

Luka added 1203 to the chat

Luka changed their name to Sergio 

1203 changed their name to Luka  

Luka: Sergio has just informed me that I have to do an introduction. :) 

Thomas: well… not really, but apparently some of us are dumb Americans here 

Christian: Oi 

Christian: have you considered that enzo’s just not very good about teaching me things 

Luka: I’ll do one anyways. 

Luka: I’m Luka Modrić, Sergio’s boyfriend. I have multiple children, (against my will,) and they all piss me off. 

Sergio: he loves them all 

Luka: Not when they can’t string together two passes. 

Luka: I only love Fede. 

Manu: wow, harsh 

Luka: Shut up you’re literally named after Man United. :( 

Manu: NOT YOU TOO 

Trent: hell yeah the demon spawn club 

Trent: high five 

Luka: *High fives you back*

Manu: it’s short for Manuel :( 

Thomas: this is for you calling me Thommy

Luka: Thommy is an adorable nickname. 

Luka: I don’t know any Thomas’s to call Thommy. 

Luka: Continuing on, I’ve won the champions league for times, and the ballon d’or twice. 

Andy: I feel like i’m wasting my life in this fucking coffee shop now 

Thomas: DONT YOU DARE STOP WORKING THERE 

Thomas: or do, and then I could finally order hot chocolate

Luka: And you don’t tell anyone of my existence, ok?

Leo: understood

Christian: got it :) 

Luka: Anyways i managed to get a flight into manchester so I’m here for a little bit. 

Luka: Be prepared for Sergio to be much happier. 

Leo: thank god 

Sergio: watch it, Lionel

Leo: you watch it, sergioano 

Sergio: my name is t sergioano

Luka: Idk maybe I’ll start calling you that now. 

Manu: luka is tingle handedly holding up the grammar, capitalization and punctuation in this chat 

Luka: You know what else I’m single handedly holding up? 

Luka: Sergio’s mental stability. 

Sergio: that’s not even a lie i’m not gonna attempt to deny that 

Sergio: i hate you for it 

Luka: Love you too. <3 

Kylian: eww, pda 

Kylian: this is worse than harry and sonny

Harry: stfu 

Kylian: speak of the devil 

Andy: just call them KaneSon rather than typing out harry and sonny every single time 

Andy: wait who’s taking who’s last name when you get married? just call them that 

Sonny: we’re probably going to hyphenate them. 

Sonny: it’s a bit difficult when your mainly called by a version of your last name 

Andy: fair point 

Andy: bye children time to work 

Thomas: i’m literally older than you 

Thomas: bye children i’m going to get lunch at the Happy Highlands Cafe, and definitely not order hot chocolate

Thomas: how do you even get hired if you can’t make hot chocolate 

Erling: how on earth is is possible not to be able to make hot chocolate 

Manu: idk, but he really can’t 

Manu: i’m gonna go finish my report that’s enough procrastinating from me 

Sergio: luka and i haven’t seen each other in person for ages so bye 

Kylian: £10 they’re going to have sex 

Christian: that killed the mood enough for me to take this as my cue to instantly log off. 

Enzo: bye bye! 

Chapter Text

Coincidence Chat

April 29th, 2020. 15:12.

Kevin: i’m going insane 

Kevin: i don’t think i can stand another six days at home  

Kevin: doing fucking nothing 

Kylian: six days??? i thought is was just two to go 

Julian: he tore his stitches trying to move around too much 

Kevin: i’m fine 

Sergio: you were quite literally stabbed 

Kevin: 9 days ago!!!! that’s a long time 

Kevin: and i was not stabbed, i was lightly grazed 

Erling: jack told me he have you thirteen stitches across three cuts 

Erling: that’s not lightly 

Luka: Hold on… WHAT? You were stabbed??? 

Kevin: NO 

Thomas: is ruben over the traumatic ordeal that his husband getting stabbed was? 

Erling: Ruben’s fine now. John… is healing 

Erling: it’s so weird that you of all people were called in for this 

Erling: ilkay would also like me to inform you all that when he said “hehehehe stabeeee,” he was on pain meds and not thinking clearly 

Thomas: noted 

Luka: I feel like i’m missing things here. 

Sergio: i’ll help you 

Sergio: question for everyone don’t answer if you don’t want to 

Sergio: does anyone here fit a stereotype (like from your job/country/exc) 

Kevin: doctors make the worst parents is one thing 

Erling: yeah, we’re all just learning that about you 

Thomas: idk, Lewy and i do the good cop/bad cop thing all the time 

Robert: works surprising well 

Trent: lewy? 

Robert: nickname from thomas for me 

Thomas: Robert Lewangoalski 

Thomas: because he scores all the arrests 

Robert: Thomassist Muller 

Robert: because he assists all my arrests 

Trent: aww that’s cute 

Manu: i’m gonna start lengthening your name to thomassist when i’m mad at you 

Luka: I love lengthening peoples names when I’m mad at them. Or using their full name. 

Luka: Sergio Ramos García!!!! 

Sergio: yeah it’s scary when you add the garcia onto the end 

Leo: Neymar da Silva Santos Junior! :) 

Julian: Enzo Jeremías Fernández! 

Andy: Trent John Alexander-Arnold! 

Manu: Idiot!

Thomas: i’m idiot, aren’t i

Manu: yes 

Trent: just casually revealing everyone’s full names on this chat 

Manu: eh, thomas already found everyone’s instagrams, most of yours have them on there anyways 

Manu: barely knowing last names or what we look like, i genuinely have no idea how he pulled that off 

Thomas: i’m an amazing detective/genius

Kevin: seriously i need help

Kevin: how are you all staying sane? 

Kevin: i can’t even last nine days, let alone the six i have left 

Kevin: my job is my only social life now 

Kevin: and the only thing keeping me from losing it 

Kevin: that’s sad, usually it’s the thing driving me to the brink of insanity 

Erling: your job is driving me closer and closer to insanity at the moment 

Erling: we’re falling apart without you and john, and ilkay’s on non strenuous things, and Rodri’s gone and got himself covid so he’s out for another week and a half at least 

Erling: aren’t the patients supposed to be having emergencies, not us?! 

Erling: yeah idk anything anymore i think all my brains homeless out 

Kylian: kick a football at a wall as hard as you can for an hour

Kylian: great stress relief 

Kylian: and don’t worry about your social life, because at least it isn’t dependant on a bunch of internet strangers you’ve never met in real life 

Kylian: wow my life is depressing 

Kylian: moving on 

Erling: you talked to me!! 

Kylian: you’re in this chat, dumbass 

Kylian: i suppose i’ve talked to my family too 

Christian: god, living alone is depressing isn’t it? 

Kylian: I think we’re the only people living alone in this chat 

Christian: after Sergio left our little group, yeah. 

Christian: wait 

Christian: don’t most of you people have like, real jobs?

Christian: so how are you always messaging in the middle of the work day 

Leo: online school isn’t very time consuming

Trent: got laid off due to covid 

Enzo: same here 

Sergio: it’s kinda hard to do tattoos in the middle of covid so we’re closed temporarily 

Erling: i mostly work at night 

Harry: all i do is online meetings 

Harry: and cry after them

Harry: and occasionally i do actually do things because i’m so bored 

Harry: and i’ll get fired if i don’t 

Sonny: i can just pretend my code didn’t work or got deleted if i don’t do it 

Thomas: reports are boring 

Thomas: actually, you’d be surprised how boring being a detective actually is 

Thomas: it was a bit more exciting before covid, ficher crime rate meant more stakeouts, things to solve, and being in actual action 

Manu: don’t forget that three week mission you and robert did in october 

Robert: the one where i got shot? 

Manu: and thomas insisted on coming to parent teacher conferences the next day, yes 

Manu: and then got screamed at while he was there 

Leo: by Joshua’s shitty teacher? 

Thomas: yeah, not fun 

Manu: then he cried when we got home 

Thomas: shut up don’t expose my like that 

Thomas: i hadn’t slept, or seen you or Jo in weeks, and next thing i know i’m getting screamed at by this bitch who’s supposed to be teaching my son things (and is clearly not)

Thomas: excuse me for being a little emotional 

Neymar: ok… 

Neymar: no one has responded for three minutes and i’m pretty sure we’re all still processing that and don’t know how to respond to that 

Manu: let’s all just go about with our lives people 

Manu & Thomas

April 29th, 2020. 15:31. 

Manu: I’m sorry 

Manu: Did i say something 

Thomas: no it was just all a lot and i got overwhelmed 

Thomas: the precinct was too loud and the lights were too bright and my eyes hurt and my mask was too tight so i couldn’t breath and i can’t solve this case 

Thomas: i just lashed out 

Thomas: Sorry. 

Thomas: i was just being sensitive 

Manu: no, i’m sorry 

Manu: I know you don’t like talking about that case, i shouldn’t have brought it up 

manu: especially not in the chat 

Thomas: talk when i get home?

Manu: love you <3 

Thomas: love you too <3 

Chapter Text

Detektive

May 3rd, 2020. 20:30.

Robert: GUESS WHAT 

Robert: We finally did it! 

Manu: did what?

Robert: got Pablo and Pedro’s paperwork finalized. 

Robert: Properly meeting them for the first time tomorrow!  

Thomas: AHHH 

Thomas: I’m so happy for you two!!! 

Manu: Frenkie can finally have the little brother he’s wanted

Manu: and two of them! 

Marco: however, we did get fucked over by the adoption agency 

Marco: they hadn’t given us their medical records yet, and it turns out Pedro, the older one, is deaf 

Marco: and because they didn’t tell us he haven’t prepared for that at all 

Marco: we don’t even know if he uses BSL or LSE or something else or even if he doesn’t sign, because we would’ve made some effort to learn at least the basics before we met him

Robert: so we’re gonna wait until tomorrow when we meet them both 

Robert: but yes Frenkie’s elated 

Robert: i don’t think he’ll sleep tonight 

Manu: i think that’s a good plan

The Chaotic Covid Chat 

May 4th, 2020. 23:03. 

Robert: slightly weird question 

Robert: but does anyone here know of a good place to learn sign language? preferably BSL 

Robert: I think we have a place, but I want to know if anyone has any opinions first 

Christian: well, you could always learn online, but it’s probably easier in person 

Christian: there’s a language center somewhere that offers courses for all ages and levels

Christian: I have a friend who teaches there

Robert: thank you so much!

Robert: I think that’s where we were looking 

Robert: second question, if anyone here speaks it, how difficult was it for you to learn? 

Leo: I know basics 

Leo: had a deaf student (who wore hearing aids, but sometimes they got too much or started hurting,) so i know things like “yes, no, does it hurt, and do you need a break” 

Christian: i speak a little 

Christian: just make sure you know that BSL uses two hands to sign, not one like some other languages

Harry: If i may ask, what’s the reason you’re learning? 

Robert: marco and i just finalized the adoption of two brothers, but it turns out one of them’s deaf 

Robert: so we want him to have a language he can communicate with us in 

Manu: frenkie enjoying being the older brother 

Robert: my god he’s obsessed 

Robert: it’s adorable 

Harry: oh that’s wonderful! 

Harry: what’re their names?

Robert: well there’s Pablo (or Gavi, as Frenkie has taken to nicknaming him,) is three, and Pedro, (aka Pedri, by Frenkie,) is five. Pedri’s deaf. 

Robert: They both like football 

Robert: and apparently gavi likes being read stories 

Robert: frenkie likes reading him stories tho so that works out well! 

Harry: oh my god that’s adorable 

Leo: that’s wonderful? 

Leo: ! sorry 

Leo: i would love to have kids  

Trent: domi and i should adopt kids when we’re older 

Harry: YOU’VE NEVER HAD A PROPER CONVERSATION WITH HIM 

Andy: TRENT YOU’RE BEING DELUSIONAL AGAIN

Neymar: is that the cafe guy? 

Andy: yes 

Trent: Robbo don’t act like you’re not completely infatuated with Mo 

Andy: at least i’ve had a conversation with him!!!! 

Andy: we’re friends! 

Andy: lowkey kinda sucks but i’d rather that then not talking to him 

Andy: enough about my sad life 

Andy: what’s anyone else up to 

Kevin: i’m trying to sleep 

Kevin: because it’s fucking 11:25 and i have to work tomorrow 

Kevin: but some idiots keep messaging me 

Robert: oh sorry 

Kevin: it’s all good i liked hearing about your kids 

Thomas: that’s good because i don’t think he’ll shut up about them from now on 

Thomas: don’t worry lewangoalski we love you anyways 

Robert: thank you thomassist i love you too 

Manu: D: 

Thomas: not like that, idiot :l 

Manu: :D 

Kylian: well i was blasting Taylor Swift through my headphones at max volume 

Kylian: almost broke my eardrums but 100% worth it 

Erling: Kylian you’re a swiftie???

Kylian: fuck yeah 

Harry: i’m working 

Harry: because i didn’t do shit during the day and i have deadlines to meet 

Sonny: impossible challenge: try to get Harry to stop procrastinating 

Sonny: SLEEP 

Kylian: advice we should all take 

Robert: good night everyone 

Chapter Text

“So!” Trent clapped his hands together. “It has come to my attention that you can’t make anything except coffee in the kitchen.” 

Andy stared at him for a solid three seconds before bursting out laughing. “I’m sorry, I just can’t take you seriously in that bloody apron. It’s… a choice,” he got out between wheezes. 

The apron in question was a hideous monstrosity of purple and green stars, fancy cursive words reading ‘kiss the cook’ on the front. 

“This?” Trent asked, pointing to his apron. “This is a masterpiece.” He clapped his hands again. “Let’s get this show on the road!” 

Andy groaned. “Fine, if I must. What are we making?” 

“Mac n cheese,” declared the scouser. “From scratch.” 

“Ok ok,” Robbo muttered, nodding his head. “This should be fine.” 

Coincidence Chat

May 9th, 2020. 19:28

Trent: HOW CAN ANYONE NOT MAKE MAC N CHEESE 

Trent: HOW 

Thomas: skill issue 

Andy: HEY 

Andy: it was from scratch 

Andy: the stupid flower shit burnt

Harry: mmm love mac n cheese with flower in it

Harry: really adds a pop of colour 

Manu: you what 

Harry: obviously not :| 

Sonny: he’s taking the piss out of robbo for spelling flour as flower 

Christian: why do you need flour to make mac n cheese 

Christian: doesn’t it just come in a little box with powder 

Luka: Bless you and your little American heart. 

Luka: That is not how we make mac n cheese here. 

Andy: anyways so the FLOUR burnt at the start and then it didn’t dissolve into the milk and we just ended up with lumpy, warm, milk

Harry: that’s absolutely disgusting

Thomas: tbh i don’t understand how you work in a cafe and still can’t cook 

Andy: I make amazing coffee :) 

Andy: speaking of my job… 

Andy I got this amazing photo of trent and i’m considering sending it to Domi in order to kickstart their relationship 

Andy: [TrentInAnApron.jpeg] 

Thomas: SEND IT 

Trent: YOU’VE HAD HIS NUMBER THIS WHOLE TIME? AND YOU HAVEN’T GIVEN IT TO ME??? 

Andy: to be fair, you never asked for it 

Andy: and of course i have his number, we have to arrange shifts and shit like that 

Trent: please please please can i have it

Trent: andy i’ll do anything please 

Trent: andrew 

Trent: Anderson 

Trent: andymobilo

Andy: only one of those was my name 

Andy: and yes you can have it just wait a second 

Erling: patience, young Jedi 

Trent: not the star wars reference :| 

Erling: apologies 

Trent: ok i’m putting my phone down now so that i’m not desperately waiting for a text back and replying in 0.1 seconds 

Trent: because that would seem embarrassing and desperate 

Andy: you are extraordinary embarrassing and desperate 

Andy: you have never been chill a day in your life

Trent: i am chill as fuck 

Trent: cold as an ice cube 

Trent: HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS HE TEXTED ME BACK 

Harry: mmhmm 

Thomas: congrats? 

Trent: hush, children 

Trent: i have duties to attend to

Andy: by that do you mean the god awful screaming noises you’re making 

Andy: shut the hell up and message him back 

Trent: yes sir, on it right away sir

Harry: and what were we saying about being embarrassing and desperate? 

Manu: if he texted back just as fast it’s not embarrassing or desperate 

Manu: let’s leave him to that 

Thomas: always the voice or reason, Manuel :) 

Manu: someone has to be, among you idiots

May 10th, 2020. 9:47

Harry: so trent, how did it go with Domi yesterday? 

Trent: IT WAS AMAZING 

Trent: we talked for quite a while 

Trent: it turns out we have lots in common with each other  :) 

Thomas: That’s great! 

Trent: stupid covid preventing us from meeting up in person tho :( 

Sergio: ahh that sucks i’m sorry 

May 10th, 2020. 12:00

Kevin: someone freaking stab me again 

Kevin: I can’t deal with these dumbass patients anymore 

Kevin: i’m talking about the really stupid one who come in for a paper cut that isn’t even bleeding anymore 

Kevin: “Oh BuT aRe YoU sUrE iT’s NoT bRoKen WiLl I sUrViVe?” 

Kevin: YES!??! IT’S A PAPER CUT 

Kevin: “CaN wE gEt An X-rAy JuSt In CaSe?” NO YOU CAN’T CAN YOU NOT SEE WE ARE A BIT BUSY WITH OTHER THINGS HERE? 

Kevin: “CaN i SpEaK tO wHoEvEr’S iN cHaRgE?” BITCH I’M IN CHARGE 

Kevin: well pep’s in charge but details schmetails 

Sonny: oop 

Sergio: this story feels oddly specific… 

Kevin: that was meant for our doctors chat sorry 

Thomas: no need to be sorry 

Thomas: that story is the highlight of my day so far 

Erling: a week ago you were practically begging to be allowed to work again because you were ‘bored’ 

Kevin: that was before i met HER 

Kevin: bloody idiot 

Kevin: do people in this country have brains the size of the plain, boiled peas they eat? 

Kylian: yes sometimes I think so too

Trent: I ain’t even gonna deny that 

Erling: kevin go sleep your anger off 

Kevin: no 

Erling: do it or i’m calling Eden 

Kevin: what did i tell you about saying that every. single. time. 

Erling: all i know is that it works 

Kevin: no don’t bother him 

Kevin: he’s working 

Kevin: and I’ll sleep now I promise

Erling: good, you’d better. 

Erling: this is a threat :) 

Kylian: please don’t do the smiley face with those words 

Kylian: it’s terrifying 

Kylian: on an unrelated note, can you call me? 

Erling: ofc give me thirty seconds 

Kylian: thank you