Archive of Our Own ^beta

Ed wrung his hands as he listened to Oswald shift in bed beside him. He needed to get to the bottom of what this annual depression was about. “Oswald?”

“Yes, dear?” Oswald asked sleepily.

“Why are you so sad?”

Oswald rolled over “What are you talking about?”

“You always get sad this time of year.”

Oswald sighed heavily and rubbed his face “Do you really want to know?”

“Why would I be asking if I didn’t?”

“If you get snarky, I’m not talking about it.” 

Ed stayed silent to show he got the message. 

“This month, pride month, makes me feel.. how I feel.” Oswald folded his arms. 

Ed’s brow furrowed “It makes you depressed? Why?”

Oswald bit his lip, already looking like he was regretting saying anything “Ever since I realized I’m asexual, I’ve been made to feel out of place, mostly by our own community.. hell, the first time I told someone their response was ‘That’s an issue’..”

Ed reached to hold Oswald’s hand “Oh, Ozzie..”

“And then when I worked up the nerve to tell someone else, they told me I was too young to put myself in a box and to just be me.” Oswald said mockingly, venom in his voice.

Ed squeezed Oswald’s hand.

“Now I feel- It’s hard watching people, even other ace people, celebrate their sexuality when I can’t think of one good thing about mine.. somedays feels like I shouldn’t be allowed to call myself queer.”

Ed tilted his head “But you’re also trans?”

“With the way I think it’s as if, being asexual is so unforgivable it cancels that out. It sounds like nonsense when I say it out loud..” Oswald withdrew his hand from Ed’s. 

“Thank you for sharing that with me.” respecting Oswald’s cue for space Ed withdrew his arm back to his own side of the bed. “If I may posit an idea about this issue?”

Oswald huffed, drumming his fingers on the sheets “It can’t be worse than anything old ‘friends’ have said.”

“Maybe you need to start slower. Why does you being ace have to be good necessarily? Try to get to a place of seeing it as neutral.”

Oswald paused “I never thought about that before..” he pouted “It probably won’t help..”

“If it doesn’t, I’m fine with you being sad all month. Feel what you need to feel as long as you need to feel it.” Ed blew a kiss to Oswald which made the man smile and hide his face in the covers. 

Oswald couldn’t tell if he regretted opening up yet but for now he was glad he did.