Chapter Text
Snow, snow, snow. The snow is engulfing you.
It's so cold. So very cold. Your body aches so badly you can no longer move. The wind of the storm feels like blades that lacerates your body, and the sound of it renders you deaf to any other noise. Your limbs are slowly going numb, unable to withstand the aching cold. You can't do anything, aside from suffering and rehash the past.
It is a proper punishment for your sin, you guess. A punishment for your stupidity and your cowardice that led to her death. It is your weakness, your failure that ultimately led to her demise.
You failed them all.
You failed her.
You should've been the one to die instead, the one who should've sacrificed herself for her to live. Now you must pay with your life, for your sins to be forgiven. You must remain in this cold storm, let it slowly kill you. Maybe then, you'll be able to forgive yourself.
"No. You cannot die."
"..."
"You must live. You must keep moving forward."
"... Do me a favor. Shut it. You only talk to me when it's already too late."
It turns silent for a moment, as if taken apart and hurt by your words. You almost feel guilty, but truth to be told, you no longer care. Not anymore. And yet, it keeps going, like you said nothing. Perhaps does it recognize the truth of your words, or perhaps it cares not how harsh you can be toward it.
"You cannot die. You must live. Not only for your sake or mine. For their sake . For the sake of this world."
"I let her die. I'm useless... Had I realised sooner and tried harder, maybe then she wouldn't have died. I can't tell anyone the truth, and I can't save anyone..."
"You can... You've saved me. Your mere presence, your mere existence "
Beyond the cold darkness, you start seeing something. A light you don't recognize, but that is calling for you. A light that may just be an illusion, just a vain hope, but is bringing your cold body warmth. The storm weakens for a moment, and the light becomes so dazzling you close your eyes.
The light of a single white star, at the end of the cruel winter storm.
"You are the only one that saved me from despair. You have to live."
"... ive..."
"..."
"Live..."
"..."
"You must live. I beg you, you must open your eyes."
Your vision is blurry. Above you, you see a figure with long hair. You cannot see their face, only hear their voice, begging you to open your eyes. You don't want to, yet you can't help but listen and obey.
The figure's face slowly becomes more visible to you. Their features are somewhat androgynous, but you are still able to tell the person is a man of pale complexion. He's as beautiful as an angel, watching you with gentle and worried green bluish eyes. His hair are long, silky and black with a greenish tint to it, and the end of it are tied by a red ribbon. His attire consists of a white robe with golden, purple and red parts to it.
You recognize him, you know well who he is. A man with great importance who, despite having first been introduced as a simple monk in the game, turned out to be one of the most powerful and influencial man of Tellius.
The Prime Minister of Begnion and Duke of Persis, Sephiran.
His eyes widen upon meeting yours, and you see the brightest smile you've ever seen form on his face. You almost feel bad for not even being able to move a single inch of your face to smile back.
"Aaaah... Finally. After all this time... The Goddess finally answered my prayers..."
He's not alone. Behind him you see an imposing man, perhaps the size of Tibarn with short, well brushed dark blue hair and piercing green eyes. He's clad in the crimson armor of Begnion soldiers and his sword is still attached to his waist. You don't think he appeared much in Path of Radiance, but if you remember correctly his name is... Zelgius. Begnion's greatest general, Zelgius.
He doesn't seem to mind you much attention, keeping his head low until he hears Sephiran's voice. He doesn't seem to share the same joy as the former seeing you awake, but does look extremely shocked. He must have believed you would never wake up from your coma.
"She woke up ?"
You are as confused as he seems to be, but for different reasons. You don't understand what is happening, what you are doing here- Why are you in Begnion ?
Where is Greil, where are Ike and Mist ? Where are Tibarn and Reyson ? Janaff and Ulki and Lotz ? King Caineghis and Giffca and Ranulf and Soren ? And Mordecai and Lethe ?
Where is-
"ELE-"
"Child no !!!"
"BLEERGH !!!"
Your body makes you pay for your reckless moves. The pain is worse than when you first used your power. Worse than all the times you've woken up. The same excrutiating pain that took over your body that day.
The amount of blood you just threw up must be important because Sephiran looks absolutely panicked. Even Zelgius seems to be ready to get a healer before even hearing his master's order.
"Zelgius, fetch a physician now !!"
"Yes !"
"W-Wait..."
They both stop and turn toward you when you grab Sephiran's robe with your bloodied hand. You breath heavily, the words refusing to come out in fear of the answer. But you have to know.
You must.
"Ele... Elena... What happened... to Elena ?"
They both go silent.
Zelgius turns his gaze away from yours, not wishing to see your reaction. Sephiran watches you with a heartbroken expression. You wish you had enough strength to hide your ears. Because you already know what he will tell you.
"Child... If Elena... Is a woman with blue hair... Then... I am so sorry. She's dead."
You nearly want to laugh.
You don't even know why you've asked to begin with. You knew the truth from the beginning. Yet you desperately kept trying to hold unto the vain, cruel and fake hope that maybe, just maybe, you had changed something. That your efforts amounted to something. That it had saved Elena.
Even though you saw it all. You saw Greil's sword pierce her body. You saw her bleeding out. You saw her fall on the ground, holding the bloodied medallion. And you saw it.
You saw the light in her eyes die, and the last smile she gave you. The kind and beautiful smile she always gave to everyone, meant to pass down one last message to you.
'It's ok, you've tried. It is not your fault.'
It is. It is your fault. You let Elena die. You've failed her.
You don't have the strength to scream.
You don't have the strength to cry.
You merely wish to be dead. But this world doesn't allow you to.
"... Why am I not dead yet ?"
None of the men in the room answers or tries to soothe your pain, and for that you're grateful. You know you wouldn't have been able to hold back from lashing out at them. Sephiran merely gets up from his chair, giving you one last glance before leaving along with Zelgius.
"... A physician will come soon to treat you. Take all your time to have some rest and change your clothes... Then we will discuss a bit if you don't mind."
You don't answer anything nor do you even spare them a glance. You don't have the strength nor the will to say something or even move anyway . You merely let your head fall, your gaze lost in the void, empty as your very being.
Once again, you come to wish for your death, for a way to atone for your sins, for anything that might make up for your mistake. But no, there is none. In the end, your fears came to become true.
You're now broken beyond repair.
"... Wouldn't it be better to have her memories erased ?"
The words comes out in an attempt to break the deafening silence that has settled in the corridors of the Mainal Cathedral. Sephiran stops in his steps and shoots Zelgius a glance. The man is staring at the room you're resting in with faint worry in his gaze.
"I fear she might make an attempt on her own life... The trauma of failing to save her friend and watching her die is much too great of a burden for a child like her, I believe. After all those efforts you've made to save her, erasing her memories would be the surest way to ensure they won't have been made in vain."
"... No. Erasing her memories... wouldn't work. Her mind is too different from a child's, it would notice the inconsistencies in her memories. And more importantly... It would bring her but a momentary solace. And the instant she remembers... The same despair will take her."
He takes a deep breath, his gaze moving from the room to his friend.
"She must mourn her friend. Only then will her wounds heal with time. If possible... I wish for the both of you to become friends. I believe it will help her. And you as well."
"Friends...? Help us both...?"
"Yes."
"... Sephiran. Who is she ?"
The man doesn't react to his friend's question, neither showing shock or anger. So Zelgius continues, trying to remain polite to his master.
"You wouldn't have went so far as to lie to the Apostle herself and the senators if she wasn't important to you in some way. And you seem to know her. So who is she ? And why are you protecting her ?"
"... For a very simple reason."
"Huh ?"
Sephiran merely smiles, turning his gaze and watching the horizon with something in his eyes Zelgius can't truly describe. Something akin to... nostalgia, sadness and regret.
"... I happen to have made a promise."
"Prime Minister Sephiran, General Zelgius, please enter."
"..."
You don't say anything at Sephiran and Zelgius coming in the room. You don't even look at them. You feel the gaze of the healer that has just treated you on your silent, still form, and you hear him whisper something to the two men before leaving. You only grasp the words 'worrying' and 'rest'.
You don't want rest.
You want to go back to Gallia. You have to let Reyson and everyone know you're alive- even if you wish you weren't- and safe. You have to know if Greil and Ike and Mist are safe- Ike saw it all, he saw it all because of you- and you have to apologize because it's your fault, it's all your fault that Elena-
"Child. Can you hear me ?"
You don't say a word. You simply move your gaze toward Sephiran, sitting right in front of you. He's smiling kindly, despite the complete lack of reaction, of emotion or even of gratitude in your eyes.
Because deep down you wish he had come too late and failed to save you.
"I... Am Sephiran. I am the Prime Minister of Begnion, and Duke of Persis. And here is a trusted friend of mine, Zelgius. I... Wish we could've met under different circumstances. However... I hope we will be able to understand and sympathize with each others."
You don't know why he wants to have this conversation. You don't want to become friends with those two or have some nice chat- You just want to leave. But your limbs are refusing to listen to your will (they're thin, way too thin, why ?), and you're stuck in this bed like a lifeless doll with nothing left but the guilt devouring you from the inside to make you feel alive.
And so, not to add more guilt to yourself, you finally open your mouth and give your savior your name.
"... I'm [Name]. [Name] Makirié [Last Name]. Please... I wish to leave... I must."
"... I fear I cannot let you. I'm sorry."
This time you do actually lash out at Sephiran. To hell the fact he saved your life, you didn't want it to be saved, you didn't want him to save yours. You succeed moving your aching and squeletic body enough to fully face him, glaring murderously as if he isn't able to have you executed for just looking at him wrong.
"I don't care about what you say, I'm leaving and don't even try stopping me !!"
"Please stop !!"
You don't listen as you try getting up, and you soon come to regret it.
Your body has not only completely given up on you, it has turned against you. You feel your limbs giving up on you and once again refusing to move as you fall miserably, held up only by Sephiran's arms. Your innards rise in your throat until you can't hold them back and spit them out, staining his robes.
It's gruesome, to see how much blood is falling from your mouth. It's painful, agonizing even to feel like your insides are being torn apart, crushed and burnt to a crisp.
And yet, even so, you're still not dying. This world still refuses to let you be at peace, as if punishing you for your mere presence, your mere existence that interferes with its fate. Even though you've never asked for any of this. Even though you've only wished to save her and then return home.
"T-The healer... just treated me... So why..."
Sephiran is more occupied trying to get you back in the bed and having Zelgius call for more healers to answer you. So you repeat yourself, this time more insistently.
"What... Is happening to me...?"
You don't like the look on Begnion Prime Minister's face, you definitely don't. For a second he looks away, focusing on having you lay on the bed, perhaps to avoid you falling again from the shock of whatever news he has to announce you, before taking a deep breath and asking one question.
"... Do you know what month it is ?"
"... What ?"
Why is he asking ? You've probably been lying in this bed for weeks.
That day, when Elena was- you're going to be sick- when this happened, it was the beginning of summer. That's right, it was in Jun, mid-Jun. A few months after Ike's 10th birthday- what have you done, he saw it all because of you-
"... Mid-Jun... Or early July...?"
It's supposed to be summer... Then why are you so cold ?
"... March."
"... Huh ?"
"It is March. March 641. You've been in a coma for more than half a year."
... What ?
"L-Lies... Th-There's no way..."
"When we found you, you were on the verge of dying. All the people around you, aside from the man we supposed was responsible for this tragedy... were already dead. You had already lost a great amount of blood, and so I had the best healers of Begnion treat you to save your life... But even they couldn't fully heal you. They barely succeeded keeping you alive this whole time. It will take a long time, perhaps years for you to fully recover. At the moment, your body is too weak. If you leave Sienne- No, if you leave this Cathedral, you might die. I cannot let you leave... For it could kill you. I am terribly sorry."
For a moment, the pain becomes almost insignificant in comparison to the internal turmoil you face upon learning the truth. You cannot leave. You have to remain here, like a bird put in a cage to protect it from a harsh winter. You have to stay here, your friends unaware of where you could've gone, or if you're alive.
Unaware if you just did not betray them.
Because they might think this. They might think you had something to do with Daein assassins' sudden attack on the village. Everyone aside from Greil, his children and you died, but the former might not remember you coming there to stop him, and Mist was asleep. The only witness is Ike, but you wish for him to forget it all.
He witnessed it all because of you. Because you screamed too loud, loud enough for him to wake up. He then went out of his house... And he saw it all. He saw his own mother being slain by his own father.
Had you not been there, he would've stayed inside. Had you not been there, he would've kept sleeping soundlessly, unaware of the atrocious truth.
Ike. He was there too. Because of you.
"Was there... Was there a dead child with blue hair next to me...?"
"A child with blue hair...?"
Ike, as the protagonist of Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn, is normally protected by his plot armor. This world needs him, it is his fate to save Tellius and so, he cannot die.
But you, an otherworldly being foreign to the laws of this world, might've changed his fate for the worst. You know you and Elena stopped Greil just before he could attack him, you know he was still standing unhurt, watching his mother and you bleeding out powerlessly, but there might've been something else happening after you passed out.
You've already made him watch it all, you've made this lovely child go through this. And for that, you will never forgive yourself.
But you will not even allow yourself to live if he somehow died because of you.
"Was there a child with blue hair among the victims...?!!"
"I... do not believe there was a child with the same blue hair as your friend. No, there was no child fitting that description."
For the first time, the very first time in weeks or rather months, you are relieved. Relieved that your mistakes, your powerlessness did not kill Ike like it killed his mother. The painful weight that has been on your shoulders for so long lightens only slightly.
But this weight, the weight of your sins, will never disappear.
"I... see... I'm glad... I didn't get him killed as well..."
"May... May I know what has happened ?"
The question was bound to arise. You can only understand why he'd ask : Sephiran has no way of knowing what has happened, and from the way you speak, he might get the idea you're the cause of it all.
And deep down, you know he is not so far from the truth. You are guilty. You may not be the cause, but you knew it would happen. You knew it all. But you remained silent, shut your eyes in front of the imminent tragedy. You lied to yourself thinking you could change fate, when deep down you knew that your worthless, meaningless efforts would change nothing. You realized only too late what was happening.
And this is what led to countless lives being lost. This is what led to Elena's life being lost. And they will haunt you, forever remind you of your failure, of your sins.
"... There... was an attack. Assassins... Clad in black. Then... He lost control of himself. He did not wish for any of this... And he... He had to watch her die by his hand... And I knew it all. I knew it would happen."
"... Were they after you ?"
"... No. After them. I... I felt they were in danger. I just- I just felt they were running from something. From someone. And- And I- I didn't- I..."
You take a deep breath. The words refuse to come out, as if the moment you did, it would become proof of your lies and failure. Because you lied. Because you arrived too late. And that's what got them killed. Because had you been honest, had you arrived sooner, then maybe, just maybe...
"I didn't do a single thing to help."
Maybe the woman you loved like a mother would've survived.
"Child. None of this is your fault. You couldn't... You couldn't have saved her."
"N-No, I could've, I should've tried more, I should've had done more-"
"Enough. Blaming and letting yourself die will not bring back your friend."
This time Sephiran's voice is firm. It is an order for you to stop. Honestly if you had the strength to, you would've been slapping him. But you have to admit that yes, yes he is right. No matter how much you blame yourself and try to repent, it is already too late.
Elena is gone. Forever gone.
Even so, you still don't cry. You're broken deep inside. You want to scream, to let all your pain out of your body, but there is nothing that escapes your mouth. Only words of a broken being.
"... I wish I was dead."
"... I know."
Rather than empty words of sympathy, he simply understands. As if he too knew those feelings of despair and self-loathing. How ironic, knowing he is the one who saved your life.
That's right.
He saved your life.
"... Why ?"
"Hmm ?"
"Why did you save me...? I... don't understand... Why would you go that far...?"
Actually, the question is stupid. You already know that Sephiran, despite how much of a saint he appears to be, wouldn't do such things without a good reason. He's planning something.
"... What... do you need me for ?"
"... I wish for you to live. That is enough for me."
It's sound so unreal you feel like laughing. But you can't, because those words are the truth. Sephiran is telling you the truth, he wants you to live. Even though you've never met each other.
Even though you don't feel like you deserve to live.
"... I don't know if... I'll be able to..."
"Mourning a loved one is always a long, painful journey. I will help you heal, I will let you as much time as you need to heal, and I will protect you from any harm. I promise."
"... What... kind of harm...?"
"I... had to tell a lie. It was the only way to save you. I lied to the Apostle and the senators to convince them to have you treated here."
Oh, you got a real bad feeling about this. You have no idea what kind of lie he told. But if Sephiran himself considers it puts your life in danger you are in huge troubles, even though this lie was supposed to save you. But you guess the world only wishes for you to keep suffering.
"What... kind of lie...?"
"I told them you were my only living relative... My long lost niece."
...
Did you just become a noble by accident ?
You can't question him further because right after learning this, you pass out once again, either out of shock or fatigue.
"[Name], it's cold. You shouldn't keep laying there..."
The human psyche is truly one of the most wonderful yet awful thing that exists.
It can make you rehash the greatest and happiest moments of your life, make your dreams a reality in your slumber, bring you a happiness reality could never.
Just like it can torture you. Forbide you to ever forget. It can make you watch all over again the worst moments, remember you the many things you've done wrong, the things that have gone wrong because of you. It always reminds why you are guilty, why you should feel guilty.
And it can even bring back the dead.
"... I'm sorry."
"[Name], I am real. I am no product of your mind. Although it is difficult to believe, my soul is still here."
"No, it's a lie. You're not real... You're gone. It's all my fault..."
"They told me you wouldn't listen to them, so they thought you would listen to me of all people. I agreed to stay so I could help you."
"... No. You are not real."
She sighs sadly, and as you hide your ears and try burying yourself in the snow. Everything about her is the same. Her voice, her appearance, her manners... But you know she is gone. She is. She's just a result of your mind remembering you she is forever gone because you couldn't make it in time.
If not, why is she in the middle of that storm, watching you lay in the cold snow ?
"What do you need me to tell you to realize it is me ? The day I gave birth to Ike ? Or Mist ? Oh, I know ! How I met Greil !"
She helps, or rather forces you to get up as she wips the snow on your hair, shoulders and clothes. Even the warmth of her hands and her smile feel real. You're barely able to hold back the tears.
"I was still a priestess at the temple of Palmeni in Daein. At the time, I was still young and under the Father's supervision, and he tasked me with healing a group of soldiers who got wounded during a battle against bandits. I was so frightened at first, I couldn't even look at them in the eyes..."
This is just your imagination. Just a product of your mind. It can't be real. Then why does it feel like it is real ?
"I still did what was asked of me. None of them gave me a word, and they left right after I healed them. It was so tiring, but I continued. And then, the soldier asked me if I was okay. I raised my eyes and saw him for the first time."
You want her to stop. You want her to stop talking, because you refuse to believe it is real, and not just your twisted mind torturing you in the cruelest way possible.
"He insisted he didn't need any healing, but I insisted more and he gave in. The day later, he came and personally thanked me. He kept coming, and most of the time only to see me. And one day, I realised my life wouldn't be the same without him. Needless to say I was in tears when he made his proposal-"
"STOP !!!"
And she does stop. She simply watches you as you lay on the snow curled up, hugging yourself and shaking your head. You just want her to stop. She's dead.
"You're not her... You're not Elena ! She's dead !! I couldn't save her !!!"
"[Name]-"
"Stop it, just stop !!!"
"[Name]. Listen to me."
She takes your face in her hands and forces you to look at her in the eyes. As if daring you to say that she's still not real, still a fake your mind created. You feel like you're slowly but surely falling into madness. You can no longer even tell the difference between dreams and reality. You want it to stop. You want everything to stop.
You just want to rest.
"[Name]. Everything is real. I am here, no longer alive, but I am still here as a spirit."
"Just stop... I just want to rest..."
"[Name], you're not losing your mind. None of this is a dream. Just as you were brought here for a reason, I was brought here to accomplish my duty."
"What am I supposed to do...? I just don't know, I'm lost... I'm so lost... I just want it all to stop..."
"I know... I know that. That day, they forcibly possessed your body to stop Greil. They no longer have enough power to help you themself, and your body is too weak to wisthand it for now. That's why they brought me here."
"Why...?"
"To guide you. My duty is to guide you in their stead. To help you accomplish yours."
You don't understand a thing. You don't understand what that duty is, how would've Elena gotten involved, how that voice brought you here and possessed you in the first place, and then left you in that place and then would've brought Elena's soul here, if she truly is Elena.
Why are you here ? How did you get here ? It's been three years by now, and yet you still have no answer, no clue to help you, and no one to answer you. Perhaps the answer is right here.
At the end of that storm.
"A thousand years... It has been a thousand years. This long wait has finally come to an end. The promise will be kept."
"The... promise..."
"Reach the star at the end of the storm. Keep the promise. Then, you'll have all the answers. Follow this light, and walk amidst the never ending storm. Only then, you will realize. What you are destined to become."
Walk. That is all you are told to do. Walk in that dreamscape that feels too real to be completely a dream. Amidst the snow, on your own. But you don't want to do this. You want to stop it all.
"You see it, don't you ? Truth to be told, I cannot see that star. Only you can. Even so, I will walk alongside you. Even if now, I am just a spirit, I have still as much energy as I did when I was alive !"
You don't know whether to laugh or cry. You don't know whether to believe or not. The light of the star is so weak, so very weak. You can't barely see it. Because you don't want to.
"... No. I want to rest. I am not ready. I've never been ready."
"... I see."
She isn't upset at all. Instead, it almost sounds she's reassured, and she sits next to you in the snow. It remembers the days you spent alongside her and Mist in that flower field. Beautiful days that will never come back.
"It is better this way. You need to rest. You've been fighting alone this whole time... You need to realize you don't have to. You have me to help you. You have friends to help you."
"... I am not sure if they see me as a friend anymore now."
"... [Name]. You must understand. You must forgive yourself. And even if it takes decades for you to understand that, so be it."
Forgiveness. Such a wonderful, unattainable thing.
That's not something you believe you deserve. Not now, and perhaps not ever.
Elena places her head on your shoulder, as if she knows what you are thinking, and you place your head atop hers and close your eyes, letting the snow engulf you in its cold embrace.
At the very least, now you can rest.