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You thought Sebastian would change once he became your husband.
Everything seemed to be headed that way. When you arrived in Stardew Valley on the first day of spring, leaving behind your corporate job at Joja and your tiny apartment to work on the land you inherited from your late grandfather, finding time to socialize with the townsfolk proved impossible. At least until you got your farm set up and all you had to do was wait for crops to grow, allowing you to take more trips into quaint little Pelican Town. The two of you met in Sam’s house when you accidentally interrupted a jam session.
Sebastian, the keyboardist to his friend’s guitar, played in a dark hoodie and a darker, edgier haircut, reasonably short except for the longer bangs on one side, asymmetrically framing his face in a way he probably thought was cool. Sam, bright as the sun in comparison, eagerly introduced you to each other, but Sebastian only grunted out a bare-minimum greeting before bringing his focus back to his instrument, and you figured he didn’t like you. That was that.
Until you started seeing him everywhere.
During your trips to Pierre’s for seeds you could barely afford, he was there, browsing the shelves bored out of his mind. At the pond in Cindersap Forest as you’d struggle to catch a single fish he’d stomp past, muttering about the mud on his Converses. Whenever you exited the decrepit building that once was the town’s community center you’d find him leaning by one of the front windows, cigarette in one hand while he brushed cobwebs off his skinny jeans with the other, and you’d hope he didn’t hear you baby-talking the Junimos. If it was anyone else you’d think, if you were optimistic, that they had a crush on you. And if you weren’t optimistic, stalking you.
However, anytime you started up some small talk in an attempt to ease the awkwardness Sebastian seemed indifferent at best, as if even more suspicious of the coincidence than you, but who had time to follow some emo kid around with a farm to manage and a town to save? Even here you couldn’t escape Joja’s reign, and if you didn’t work with the Junimos to restore the community center the company would replace it with a warehouse. Sebastian wasn’t interested in understanding the intricacies of your life, though.
“Um... need something?” he’d ask.
Or sometimes, “I don't really know you...”
“Out of all the places you could live, you chose Pelican Town?”
Maybe you wanted to figure out what the guy’s deal was, why he was so much gloomier than the other residents. Maybe the coincidences were fate and he was meant to help you bring the town together again, somehow. Maybe you just wanted to see him smile for once. No matter the reason, you started seeking Sebastian out instead of waiting for him, sitting in the grass with him as he smoked by the mountain lake and tolerated your presence, knocking on the door to his parent’s basement until he started leaving it unlocked so he wouldn’t have to get up and open it, and meeting him on the beach pier during rainy days when he said he wanted to be alone but you were just making sure he hadn’t fainted from pneumonia.
During the Flower Dance he refused to partner with you, and it appeared you hadn’t made any progress, but your persistence paid off in a different way. As Sebastian moved in sync across from Abigail he kept sneaking glances in your direction while you watched from the sidelines. You weren’t sure why he was doing so, but since you knew how much he detested this tradition because of how “stupid” he looked, you gave him an encouraging wave and smile, wondering if he was just nervous. Judging by his blush it only embarrassed him further, but the sight of him like that made all the trouble worth it.
“My room might be a little less depressing if I had a window...”
“You know, I should be doing something productive right now. I just lose focus too fast.”
“Having a good weekend? ...Nice.”
Little by little, as spring matured into summer, his stony expression softened up.
Marriage was still far from your mind. You were just happy to see Sebastian open up a little, and soon he gave you enough pieces of himself to make a better picture. He was a freelance programmer with a limited social battery. He loved frogs, comics, cold weather, and a tabletop game you could never remember the name of, though you did get to play it with him and Sam once. He was also weirdly good at pool, or maybe you were just bad. The motorcycle surprised you, though. Sebastian’s vehicle of choice for temporary escapes from home, from his mom, stepdad, and more outgoing half-sister Maru. She combined her mother’s passion for carpentry and her father’s fixation with science into a robotics hobby that made her the apple of their eyes while Sebastian barely had the motivation to keep going.
You, however, weren’t included on the list of his problems. He assured you that much.
In fact, you thought he used you as an escape sometimes, walking by your side if he caught you running errands (which was almost every time), inviting himself over to your place so he could get out of his room (you must’ve given him a key at some point because you’d often find him already inside), and occasionally bringing over some of his mom Robin’s cooking just in case you had a hard day on the farm, something he was eerily good at guessing (he added a secret ingredient, he’d say, a little piece of himself, but would never tell you what it actually was).
Sebastian even admitted once, on that same pier under a particularly harsh downpour, that he felt different around you than the other townsfolk. Less anxious. Though he did seem pretty anxious in that moment. In his opinion no one sane could bear the summer heat except at night or in the rain, but despite the weather his breathing was heavy. Pulling out his umbrella, he urged you to sit closer for shelter until you were touching, and he opened his mouth again as if to speak, fiddling with some trinket in his pocket, but when you tried to coax the words out he brushed it off. Perhaps pushing for answers would’ve broken the peace you created with him, so you left it alone.
Was it something about his sister? Despite his grudge against her you held no ill will toward Maru - the girl was dealing with her own issues - but you did understand where he was coming from. Being overlooked because of a quieter personality. The neglect, and the anger that comes with it. The longing to finally be seen and accepted, to be loved even while being less-than. What if, underneath those sullen eyes and layers of fabric, Sebastian had a big heart waiting to embrace you?
Looking at that shy, rain-soaked boy avoiding your eyes as he sat pressed up against your side, that was the first time you thought about giving him a place to belong.
“You and Sam are probably my only friends in this town.”
“You came here to see me? I was just thinking about you… Do you want to hang out for a while?”
“Could you picture me living on a farm? It seems ridiculous, but I have been thinking about it.”
Earlier in the year he half-seriously brought up the idea of taking you for a motorcycle ride, an offer that slipped your mind until he went and did it. Picked you up one chilly autumn night, drove out to the middle of nowhere while you clung to him for dear life as the cold wind whipped around you both, and brought you to a lookout where a distant Zuzu City shone, its lights glittering like a gathering of stars. But what amazed you more was when he, without a single word, slipped a necklace over your head, a string with a skinny, blue spiraled shell dangling over your heart - the Mermaid’s Pendant. The Stardew Valley equivalent of an engagement ring.
You thought of the bouquet sitting back at home, the one you hurriedly bought from Pierre’s hoping no one would see. According to Mayor Lewis it was customary to offer one at the start of a courtship, and to offer the pendant much, much later. You were about to ask Sebastian what in the world he was thinking when you saw it.
He was absolutely beaming.
This was what you wanted, wasn’t it?
Before holding the ceremony you waited for the harsh winter to pass, and that spring day a year after you arrived was another fresh start, both for your farm and your new life with your husband. This was it, you thought. Sebastian could finally relax and let out everything he had been holding back, love and be loved at the full strength his circumstances suppressed, if that fast proposal was anything to go by. You thought Sebastian would change once he became your husband.
And he did. Somewhat.
He didn’t fully let go of that hair or those clothes, but getting out of that basement did his complexion some good. He quit smoking. Working with you on the farm gave him a little more muscle, a little more strength to impress you with. He kissed you good morning, made you coffee, learned to cook some simple dishes, helped out with chores, and always asked about your plans for the day, wanting to know exactly what you did or were going to do. He seemed more energetic, more comfortable. Happier.
“This is so different from my old life, but I'm really starting to like it. I often felt unappreciated at home, but here I feel like I really belong.”
“I don't really need friends. You're the only person I need in my life. Is that weird? I guess I'm not like most people.”
“I'll just watch you from here. I enjoy watching you.”
“I don't often show it, but I'm really happy that I'm your husband. Marrying you was the best decision I ever made.”
Nevertheless, you couldn’t help but sense a distance between you two.
Sebastian had never been the most outwardly affectionate person, but you expected more than this. He still spent so much time alone. By day he took long walks on his own, and at night when he couldn’t sleep he went on motorcycle rides or wandered through the caves, only letting you know about his outings in the morning. Since you were out of the house most days you supposed it was fair enough, but at the very least you hoped that when you reunited he’d be all over you, whining about how much he missed you, about how much he had craved to see and hold you all day. He was always fine though, stuck at that same, low-level fondness.
“You don’t ever have to worry about me. I like to spend a lot of time alone.”
“I just have trouble sleeping sometimes, it has nothing to do with you.”
“I need to stay independent even though we're married. That's just how I am. I still love you, though.”
Maybe those idealistic fantasies were your fault, but why did he marry you so quickly if this was all he was going to do? Was he just using you for a better place to live? For your farm money? Were you just something new to do in a boring town? Whenever you brought up his behavior he always said the same thing - he was a natural loner and needed to stay independent. He did love you, genuinely, but this was just how he was. That quiet personality.
Staying felt wrong but so did leaving. You didn’t want it to come to that, to admit you led someone on due to your immature delusions and couldn’t work things out. If he really did love you, fixing your mistake meant breaking his heart. But if he loved you wouldn’t he put in more effort to change?
You threw yourself into work. Sowing, reaping, watering bigger fields, feeding more animals. When Sebastian was home you let him help, thinking the time spent together would bring you closer, though the fact that you had to try so hard only made you feel lonelier. And when he wasn’t around you ventured deep into Skull Cavern, collecting treasures beyond imagination and recklessly battling monster after monster, almost not caring what happened to you as long as you could feel something other than your inner pain. Almost hoping you’d get injured if it meant Sebastian could feel something at all. Sometimes he did bring up your sudden obsession with the mines and how worn out you looked, suggesting a break, but sitting down long enough to think wouldn’t lead to anything good.
One day it caught up to you.
A little over a year since the wedding, hundreds of feet below any living soul, you wobbled and wheezed as you swung a pickaxe at endless stones, searching through your failing vision for a ladder down to the next floor. Still, even as you teetered on the edge of consciousness you couldn’t bring yourself to go back to that house. After all, nothing but him awaited you there. So you kept going. Kept moving. Dragged yourself to the next stone, and the next, and the next, until you swung one last time and, completely spent, passed out on the rock floor, succumbing to every darkness. For a moment you were at peace.
Then you heard him.
“Please… Please wake up…”
At first, instinctively, you thought it might’ve been your husband, but when you opened your eyes to clinical, white walls, a man both mustachioed and bespectacled fretted over you.
“Oh thank Yoba you’re alright!” A weary sigh of relief left him visibly deflating. “What in the world were you doing so deep in the mines? You’re lucky that homeless man found you, who knows what could’ve happened if…”
As he kept rambling he sent you into a silent shock. That frantic, almost panicked concern, terrifying in its unfamiliar compassion… Eventually you collected yourself enough to remember his name: Dr. Harvey. The only doctor in the valley. It’d been a while since you caught up with the townsfolk, but how could you face them when your marriage was such a struggle? Talking to anyone long enough would give them time to figure it out, and they’d either pity or blame you. You weren’t sure which would’ve been worse.
Finally, after getting it all out of his system, Harvey calmed down. “Your condition seems stable, no injuries thankfully, but I’m going to keep you a bit longer just to make sure you’re alright to send home.”
A bit longer? No, you needed to get back to… Anything but this. “I’m fine-”
“Doctor’s orders,” he asserted, but then he softened again. “Ah, well, I can’t exactly force you to stay, but… I have been worried about you lately. I don’t like giving these lectures but you missed your yearly checkup, and now this… You need to start looking out for your health more.” It was almost unbearable, the way his stumbling sincerity tugged at something deep and starved within you, something you hesitated to fully recognize. But without meaning to, he soured it. “Especially since you’re married now. When you’re single it’s easy to be careless, but you’re not just living for yourself anymore.”
That’s the problem, you thought, but now that he mentioned it… “Does Sebastian know I’m here?”
Some sort of surprised sound came out of him. “I forgot to call him! I’m so sorry… Oh, maybe you’d rather do it yourself? I wouldn’t want to keep you from speaking to your own husband.”
The possibility of a reaction tempted you. Would the news stir something underneath Sebastian’s cold exterior? Unlikely. He’d probably respond with that same, unfazed monotone, grating your ears and crushing your dreams. Besides, whatever was going on with your emotions toward Harvey… It wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t right either. Better to keep all of this away from Seb, at least for now. “Actually, can this stay between us? I don’t want to worry him.”
Harvey paused, and you feared he’d start another spiel in an attempt to change your mind, but soon enough he nodded. “Of course. Doctor-patient confidentiality. But I am serious about what I said. Stop by anytime you need me, okay? I care deeply about my patients, every one of them.” With a warmth you forgot anyone was capable of, he looked into your eyes, and the memory of Sebastian’s firm, icy stare melted away under Harvey’s gentle gaze. “Even ones I haven’t seen in a while.”
You almost lost control of every awful thing you ever bottled up.
“I’ll think about it,” you said.
Soon you started visiting him all the time.
You weren’t sure what got into you, or what you were hoping for. You were married. But making that appointment for your missed checkup gave you something to look forward to, and when the day arrived and it was over you found yourself still smiling hours later, so after a couple more visits you started dropping by without an excuse. If Harvey thought it was strange he didn’t point it out, simply content to chat with you about whatever. Your health, your farm, his clinic, any odd medical facts he found interesting, the weather…
The weather had never been more fascinating.
Not just because Harvey was talking about it. When summer snuck in and you needed to plant new crops all Sebastian did while he worked was complain about the temperature, sweat gliding down his skin as he helped hoe the soil and haul giant bags of fertilizer out to the fields. Last year you would’ve stared, but now your eyes drifted elsewhere - the sun bathed the freshly tilled dirt in a light more golden than it used to. The sky hung bluer overhead. Flowers bloomed in the most vibrant colors, as if all the rainbows decided to live in the grass instead of the sky. And the trees, the trees stood taller than ever, as if the gentle giants straightened their backs to shield you from the harshest rays. Even the rain seemed less oppressive, its rhythm and darkness taking on a more soothing quality. The world felt like it did when you first arrived in Stardew Valley. When anything was possible. Why hide underground if the surface held this much beauty, if it had Harvey living on it?
Sometimes it was awkward, though, when you had to pass by Maru at the counter before you could get to him.
Ever the achiever, she worked part-time at the clinic Tuesdays and Thursdays. You knew Sebastian visited his old house to see Robin sometimes but Maru was still a sore spot. After first getting close to him he asked you to keep your distance from her, because in his version of events she caused much of his misery, so despite being in-laws you two barely knew each other. However, she was always open to a bit of small talk before you went deeper into the building. It stung when she asked about her brother or how the marriage was going, but you always slapped together an answer vague enough to let you steer the conversation to another topic.
As for Sebastian, well… At first you thought he stayed too absent from your life for your new routine to affect him, but one morning while the two of you picked blueberries, him popping some into his mouth despite your earlier reprimands, you got too lost in your head to scold him while wondering how Harvey would react when you gave him that bottle of truffle oil you made to surprise him, not realizing you had stopped moving until Seb’s voice startled you out of it.
“Hey.” He always sounded more serious than he really was, but you thought you had gotten used to it by now. “You alright?”
You turned to him with wide eyes. “Huh? Oh, yeah. Just thinking.”
“About what?”
Navigating Maru was one thing, but the stakes rose higher here. Technically you hadn’t done anything wrong. None of your actions toward Harvey exceeded what a good neighbor would do, or a friend. The only problem was what it meant to you. “Um… Farm stuff. Nothing important.”
That rare, soft smile graced his face. “Come on, you can tell me. I’m glad you stopped going to the mines so much but you’ve been… Distracted, lately. Not just right now. What’s up?”
Why did he pick today to be so talkative? Actually, maybe this was a good thing. Whatever he had detected, you needed to figure out how to hide it. If you truly didn’t care about Sebastian anymore it wouldn’t have mattered what he knew, but despite everything you still didn’t want to hurt him. He was so much happier now. In time you’d get over Harvey anyway, stop indulging in emotions you weren’t supposed to. “Distracted? What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I just feel like whenever we’re together your head is in the clouds. You don’t talk to me as much anymore, or tell me what you're up to.” Unsure how to respond, you waited for him to continue, but that was a mistake. “You don’t initiate as much as you used to, either.”
Damn it, you didn’t even think about that. Assuming he wouldn’t notice, or care, you sought him out less for affection now. It just felt wrong when your mind was on someone else, when you weren’t present in the moment with Seb. And since it was usually you who wanted it, things didn’t… Happen, anymore.
The silence left a space for him to fill. “Finally got bored of me?”
“No!” You rushed to answer. “No, I’m not-”
He chuckled, an abrupt sound that left you floundering. “Relax, I’m just teasing. It’s okay if you need some space, I’m not a hypocrite, but…”
When he leaned closer and placed a hand on the back of your head you forced yourself to stay still. “Sebastian-”
Your lips met. It was familiar enough, the shape of his mouth, the press of it against yours, although slightly more forceful than usual, lingering like he could stay there for the rest of the day. The taste of him and blueberry juice. But these differences couldn’t distract you from it: physically you were kissing your husband, but mentally you were kissing a stranger. If he kept going, though, if this was him putting in effort…
Slowly he pulled away, and it seemed like he was about to go in for another, but he must’ve changed his mind. “I’ve been missing you,” he said. “Don’t get too lost in those clouds, alright? I’ll pull you back down if I have to.” Reaching for another berry, he got back to work.
You blinked.
That was it?
This was almost worse than him not caring at all. Turned out even Sebastian had a limit for how far apart you two could drift before it mattered, and if you became as close as before he’d go back to his usual behavior. It’d be enough for him.
But not for you.
He did have more to say, though. “I have some errands after this, but maybe we can do something together tonight.” His voice carried an undercurrent you’d heard before, but only now did it make you reluctant. “If you’re up for it.”
You couldn’t stomach the thought. You knew now it wouldn’t fix anything, not in the long run. “Actually, I’m going to the saloon tonight.”
Subtle enough that only you’d recognize, his face fell a little. “Got plans with someone?”
“Yeah, a few friends. Leah, Elliot, the others… Just to hang out and catch up.”
“I’ll come with you.”
You tried not to cringe as you thought of an excuse. “That’s… Not really your scene. I’m not trying to exclude you or anything, I just think you’d be uncomfortable. Maybe we could do something another time, just the two of us.”
Expression blank, he turned away, picking berries again at full force. “Yeah. Another time.”
Your plans weren’t completely a lie. On certain nights, in moderation, Harvey dropped into the saloon for a drink. The first time you followed it was only for him, but the other regulars greeted you as well, joking about how you and Seb’s honeymoon phase kept you from seeing them for so long. After a couple of drinks though your anxiety and bitterness faded, letting you be a part of the community again.
But you had never been a big drinker, and a few nights after your conversation with Sebastian you downed more than you could handle, slumped over the bar top next to Harvey when, without the filter of sobriety, you finally broke.
“I can’t…” You groaned. “I can’t take it anymore…”
Suddenly noticing your state, Harvey looked you over, taking hold of your drink and slowly sliding it out of your grasp. “I think you’ve had enough. Here, I’ll walk you home-”
“No, it’s not that, it’s…” The world twisted and fuzzed around you. “It’s Seb. I can’t… I can’t do it anymore.”
“Sebastian?” After a glance around the room he leaned in to whisper. “Come on, let’s take this outside.”
“What? Why-“
Harvey cut your slurred words short by standing you up, encouraging you to lean on him as he half-dragged you out the door, Gus calling out a cheery goodbye and telling both of you to take care. In the cover of summer darkness Harvey sat you down on one of the benches out front. “Sorry, it’s just, you can’t start spouting things all willy-nilly. It’s a small town, there'll be rumors. Now…” He filled the spot beside you. “What’s this about Sebastian?”
“I…”
All this time you kept everything to yourself, stayed strong on the surface despite the ever-present, gnawing knowledge inside, but now that you were about to say it out loud the tears started falling, voice coming out in a broken sob.
“I think I married the wrong person.”
He looked away, processing your words. “Ah.”
As you continued crying he wrapped an arm around you, just heavy and strong enough to fit you into his side without smothering, allowing you to get his shirt wet and use him for support again. The stiff fabric still smelled like the clinic but a little of his own scent made it through, something sanitized mingling with something human, and it might’ve been the season’s heat but that dip, the nook between his shoulder and neck, provided such a warm, comfortable spot to rest your dizzy head. Everything slowed down. Everything steadied.
“You’re…” You sniffled. “You’re not surprised?”
“I had an inkling things weren’t going well at home. You have been spending a lot of time at the clinic. Er, not that I mind, I don’t have many patients to busy myself with, but-“ He stopped himself with a sigh. “Well this isn’t about me now, is it?”
“What do you think I should do?” you asked.
A nervous chuckle. “Unfortunately my specialty is bodies, not emotions, but if it were me… I’d think things over before doing anything hasty. Go over my options. The culture’s different in the city but here marriage is a commitment. You’re supposed to work through rough patches, temper expectations… Or else it’ll affect your reputation.”
“So I'm just supposed to be miserable for the rest of my life?”
“I didn’t say that,” he corrected. “I’m just giving you a fair warning, that’s all. Do whatever you must. I can’t speak for everyone else but you’ll always be able to count on me as a friend, at least.”
The word friend disappointed the more selfish part of you, but Harvey was already far more accommodating than he had to be, and your inappropriate feelings weren’t his responsibility. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. Really.”
His reply came out heartfelt. “Always happy to help.”
After a while you were ready to let him walk you home, but once you got to the border of your property you sent him away. Harvey coming to the doorstep with you might’ve given Sebastian the wrong idea. Before going inside though you took a moment to think about Harvey’s advice. Go over my options, huh? Right now you had no brain power left for the night, but tomorrow you’d come up with a plan. You needed to. You couldn’t go on like this, falling apart behind your husband’s back and making another man pick up the pieces. It wasn’t fair to either of them. When you gathered your last bit of strength to open the door Sebastian was already settling into bed, and after quickly getting ready yourself you joined him, lying side by side, sticking to your half of the mattress like always and waiting for him to turn off the lamp on the nightstand.
What you didn’t expect was for him to strike up a conversation.
“Fun night at the saloon?” he asked.
The alcohol’s effects hadn’t completely worn off but his tone still cut through the haze, something sharp enough in it for you to notice but not enough to worry about. “Yeah, it’s always fun.”
“Because Harvey’s there?”
That sobered you up a little.
You never mentioned him around Sebastian, but maybe Harvey was right about small-town rumors. No reason to panic yet, though. It’d only implicate you further. “Of course, we’re pretty good friends.” Not a lie since Harvey didn’t know about your feelings.
“And when did that happen?”
“I passed out in the mines one day and had to go to the clinic, then we started talking. Nothing serious. He’s just a surprisingly good drinking buddy.”
“Hm.”
He didn’t say anything for a while and you almost fell asleep thinking you were in the clear, but his voice yanked you back to bleak reality.
“You never told me you passed out in the mines.”
Shit. You never did. Now the fact that you didn’t talk about Harvey was even more suspicious, but… Did Sebastian even have a right to care, considering how distant he kept himself from you? Maybe this wasn’t about you but his reputation. He had never been enough of a socialite to preoccupy himself with that, but still, no one wanted to be married to a rumored cheater. “I was fine,” you stated, a little irritated that you were still awake. “No injuries or anything. Wasn’t going to worry you for nothing.”
“For nothing?” At this he propped himself up, and you knew you weren’t sleeping anytime soon. “I’m your husband. This isn’t nothing.”
He was seriously pulling that card? “Oh please, if I said anything you probably would’ve been mad at me for interrupting your independent lifestyle.” In the back of your mind you knew this was petty, but you were still raw and bitter from your realization at the saloon and whatever liquor remained in your system. “I did you a favor.”
Sebastian paused for a bit and it gave you a sick satisfaction. “Is that what this whole Harvey thing is about? Look, there’s a reason I’m always…”
“What?” you asked. “What reason? Believe me, I’d love to know.”
Before he could explain he shook his head, dismissing himself. “Just trust me, nothing good will come from you getting close to him.” You scoffed but he didn’t miss a beat. “Either you stop talking to him or I get him to stop talking to you. Your choice.”
An ultimatum? He was hilarious. “Okay, and what happens if neither of us listen to you?”
“I never said how I’d get him to stop talking.”
It was almost phrased like a joke, but something about the way he said it made you stop. Searching his face for any sign of humor, you only found that same seriousness he always wore. “What do you mean?”
He started to move again and you tensed, unsure what to expect, but all he did was turn off the bedside lamp and lie down.
“Night, dear.”
A few seconds had to pass first, a surreal, stunned moment in the dark, but eventually you relaxed. Sebastian was just upset, saying things he didn’t mean because you were being difficult. That was all. This would blow over by morning and both of your lives would continue as normal, separately.
“...Night.”
Still, it took you a long time to fall asleep.
The next morning after Sebastian gave you a quick kiss and left for one of his walks you sat at the table to think, for the first time, about the relationship as a whole. The real one, not the one you used to think it would be. Maybe he really did love you deep down. Maybe he didn’t, maybe he was just keeping up appearances. Maybe you’d never know. But you weren’t ever going to be happy with that, with living like this, so you let go of the things you layered over reality to smooth him over. Did you even love him anymore, the real him? Did you ever? Either way, you were better than sneaking around behind his back forever.
However, you did need to sneak around one last time.
After scribbling something down on a piece of paper you hurried up the trail connecting your farm to the base of the mountains, soon knocking on the door of Sebastian’s old home.
Maru opened it.
She offered an awkward smile. “Oh, um, need something fixed? Mom’s at Caroline’s, they have that exercise class every week. Sorry.”
“Tuesday, I know. That’s why I’m here.” You handed her an envelope. “You’re going to the clinic today, right? Can you do me a favor? I won’t be able to stop by but it’s really important Harvey gets this.”
As she accepted it her smile became more of a smirk. “The first time you actually want to see your sister-in-law and it’s still about Harvey.”
“Uh…” Great, another thing to feel bad about. “Sorry, it’s, you know…”
“Yeah, I know. Speaking of, how’s my brother doing?”
Maybe one day you’d get to properly apologize for letting Sebastian keep you two from being friends, but right now you had other things to sort out. “He’s alright. Busy with the farm and everything.”
“While you’re cozying up to my boss?”
You stammered for a response, but she kept going before you could pull yourself together. “I don’t really care, just don’t hurt Seb too much, because if you do… You know how he is. He won’t get any help, he’ll just try to deal with it by himself.”
“I don’t want to hurt him, that’s not what I’m-“
“I know. Just let him down easy.” She moved to close the door but you spoke again, making her stop before she could cut you off.
“So, uh, what does he do? When he deals with things by himself?”
It might’ve been paranoid, but although you tried to shrug off what Sebastian said last night as nothing more than the heat of the moment it still plagued your thoughts. There was no way he’d do anything to Harvey. But if there was, no one would know better than family, right? “I don’t know,” she said. “Just… When he still lived here and had an argument with Dad he’d lock himself away in his room. I wouldn’t see him for days sometimes, I’d just hear things crashing, like he was throwing stuff around. But when you showed up in town he kind of calmed down and I didn’t worry about it anymore.”
Something about that sounded familiar. “Locks himself away…”
“Look, I have to get ready for work, but if you want to talk some other time don’t be a stranger, okay? No matter what happens.”
The door clicked shut.
Alone, you took a deep breath.
Not only did Maru still care about her estranged brother, but she also cared about you as well. With her and Harvey on your side maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. But Sebastian… Had he secretly been upset with you the entire marriage? Upset with something else? Dealing with things he didn’t think he could talk to you about? Perhaps that day he strung the pendant around your neck he wasn’t actually ready for marriage, just rushing to tie something down that made him feel better. And perhaps you weren’t ready either. There was still time to make things right though.
For now all you had to do was wait.
That night you snuck out while Sebastian slept, strolling through the darkness as a cool breeze stirred the grass and crickets chirped along your path. He was right. Summer nights felt good. You, however, didn’t. The community center had long been restored thanks to your hard work and a bit of Junimo magic, but tonight you left the lights off for secrecy, waiting in the lobby with only the moon outside providing a way to see. Despite your efforts the townsfolk didn’t use the building much, but that made it the perfect place for Harvey to show up like your note told him to, him slowly opening the door with a creak before taking a cautious step inside, relaxing a bit when he saw you.
“Thought you were a ghost for a second there,” he said. “What’s going on? Is it bad?”
“Don’t worry,” you assured him, “I just wanted to talk about last night.”
“Oh.” Hands clasped, he fidgeted with his thumbs. “I apologize, I shouldn’t have stuck my nose into your personal business. I was just worried about you. Forget what I said-”
“No, no, I'm glad you did.” You stepped closer to see him better in the dim light. “In fact, I took your advice. I thought everything over, and… I’m going to divorce Sebastian.”
His eyes opened wide, jaw going slack. “O-oh! Um… Are you sure? It’s only been a day.”
“It’s not just yesterday, everything just came out all at once at the bar. You have no idea how long I’ve been feeling like this. I haven’t filed anything yet because it’s only fair I talk to him first, but I’m not holding my breath on him changing. You probably want to know why I made you come here just to tell you that, though.” Eyes roaming across the new wallpaper and clean furniture, you stalled to gather the courage. “I have a confession to make.” It was stupid. You were about to have an ex-husband, but right now you felt like a shy teenager. “I’m in love with you.”
Harvey opened his mouth to respond but didn’t find the words before you continued. “I completely understand if you don’t feel the same, I just needed to get it off my chest. We can pretend this never happened. But I also wanted to warn you…”
“Warn me?”
“Sebastian said something weird last night. I think he’s… Jealous, or something. That’s why I wanted to meet here, he made it sound like he was going to do something to you if we kept talking to each other. Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure he’s all bark and no bite, but if you notice him acting strange around you that’s probably why. So… Yeah. That’s it. That’s everything.”
“Oh Yoba…”
He went to sit on one of the couches, elbows on his knees and head in his hands, and you weren’t sure what to do. You thought you owed him honesty but it might’ve made things worse. Did you really have to drag him into this? You should’ve kept it to yourself, like you always did-
“Why me?” he asked.
Your train of thought stopped. “What?”
“Why me?” He raised his head. “I’m old. Boring. A coward. Why me, instead of all the younger, better bachelors?”
You sat down with him. “I’ll be honest, you are a little old.” He laughed. “Only a little! But those other things aren’t true. At first I just liked that you cared about me, but then I got to know you, and you weren't boring at all. More like… Stable. And then, then, you saw me at my ugliest and still cared. I never met a coward who could do that.” Harvey was still hunched over but something lit up in his eyes. “Maybe it wasn’t me specifically, maybe that’s how you are with everybody, but it might actually be better that way. With Sebastian I felt special, at least in the beginning, like I could get him to be this different person around me and no one else, but I know now that’s not how it works. People are who they are.”
“And what happens if I don’t return your feelings?”
“No matter what, me and Sebastian are done. Other than that… I don’t know. Maybe I’ll move back to the city. Sell the farm. Start over again.”
He was quiet for a minute.
“Joja Corp would probably buy your farm.”
“Yeah. Probably.”
Another silence.
He turned to look at you. “Care for some more life advice from ol’ Harvey?”
Curious, you raised a brow. “Hit me.”
When he leaned in you thought he was going to whisper, but with one hand Harvey cupped your face and pressed his lips to yours. Gentle at first, testing you, then going in with more confidence. Once you got over your shock you embraced him back, both of you deepening the kiss, and for a moment you forgot about your dying marriage and your uncertain future and the ways you and Sebastian failed each other. It was just you and Harvey, the sensation of intertwining with the man in front of you, his mouth and his hands and even his mustache all combining into everything you’d been yearning for. And now you had it. Everything.
Too soon for your liking, he pulled away to catch his breath. “I think you should stay in Stardew Valley.”
“What happened to being a coward?”
Once you questioned him he got all sheepish again. “Well, I figured as long as we’re confessing things…”
You laughed, pulling him back in.
Sneaking back at an ungodly hour, you made sure not to stir Sebastian while climbing into bed, mentally preparing yourself for the discussion you two would have tomorrow, but when you woke up the next day he was gone. Strange. Even yesterday he gave you a good morning kiss before leaving, but maybe this was a sign. Since Sebastian wasn’t present to stop you or at least hear your reasoning you went ahead to Lewis’ house and initiated the divorce. He didn’t seem surprised, and you wondered what kind of rumors had been spreading about you and Harvey before the two of you even kissed, but to your relief Lewis said the divorce would only take a day to process, so you went back home and got to work. Not-so-secret affairs aside, you still had a farm.
Late in the evening when you were about to go to sleep Sebastian returned, and as soon as he shut the door behind him you approached. “Sebastian, we need to talk.”
Exhaustion evident in his eyes and posture, he looked like he used to when you two first started getting to know each other: sleep-deprived. “Can it wait until morning? I’ve had a long day. I’m probably going to pass out as soon as I hit the bed.”
“Couch,” you corrected. “As soon as you hit the couch.”
He only responded with a vacant stare.
You continued. “I was going to talk to you about this first but you weren’t home, so… I filed for divorce. You can have the couch while you look for a place to stay but you should start packing up your stuff as soon as possible.”
“About that,” he said, pulling his shirt off as he made his way to the bedroom. “I cleared things up with Lewis. Those papers are in the trash right now, so don’t worry about it.”
Dumfounded, you stood rooted in place, soon snapping out of it to follow him into the room as he changed clothes for the night. “...What?”
“And I took care of Harvey too. You won’t have to waste your time on him anymore.”
“Took care of him?”
Fully dressed now, he settled into bed. “Let’s save it for tomorrow, alright? I’m tired. But everything’s going back to normal soon, I promise. Tell me when I can turn off the light.”
“Sebastian, what the hell are you talking about?”
“The light. I’ll turn it off when you’re ready.”
All you could do was watch him in your bed, the bed you’d come to hate over the course of your short marriage, and start to hate Sebastian too. Snatching your rucksack from the closet, you rummaged through the dresser and stuffed clothes inside at random, anything you could grab just to fill it.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Fuck it, I’ll stay with Maru if I have to, because this…” You gestured at him and the empty space by his side. “I’m not doing this anymore.”
“Maru?” He started to sit up as you resumed packing. “What’s Maru have to do with this? Have you been talking to her?”
“Maybe I’ll set up a tent like Linus. Connect with the spirit of the valley or whatever. I’d probably be happier doing that than spending one more second-”
You didn’t know how you couldn’t hear him coming. It could’ve been your own anger distracting you, because as you grabbed the next shirt his hand seized your wrist in a tight, almost painful grip, and before you could say anything the barely-contained rage in his voice made you change your mind. “Drop it.”
Everything inside of you froze. Your blood, your limbs, your thoughts. This…
This wasn’t Sebastian.
Perhaps sensing your fear, his grip softened a bit, though stayed firm as his other hand guided your face to make you meet his eyes. His expression reflected his body language, a manufactured softness.
“You said you wanted to talk, so…” He nodded toward the bed. “Let’s talk.”
You couldn’t relax enough to let go of the shirt or bag, but you let him lead you to the edge so he could sit right next to you, too close to be anything but suffocating, like you were running out of both air and time. With one arm he hugged you even closer, his other hand resting on top of one of yours, and you knew it was a mockery of a loving hold when you tried to adjust yourself and his arm braced to keep you there.
When he spoke again it sounded like he was calming down some frightened animal. “Listen, I love you. I love you so, so much. You’re the most precious thing to me, you’re everything I ever wanted. A breath of fresh air, for me and this shitty town. That’s why I started following you around in the first place, but I didn’t really fall for you until I realized you cared about me. Actually cared. And I wanted to return the favor.”
Still stuck on his earlier statement, you weren’t flattered. “Following me around?”
He chuckled. “I didn’t really know how to deal with my feelings. Still don’t, I guess. The best I can do is keep the worst of it away from you. I wasn’t lying that day on the pier when I said I felt better around you, but better than bad is still kind of bad. You’re so perfect, and I’m always worried about what you think of me.”
A part of you wanted to hear what Sebastian had to say now that he was finally opening up. He never just talked like this. But another part, wary of where this was going, still planned on bolting into the night as soon as he let go.
“I don’t want to scare you,” he said. “I love you. I don’t want you to be afraid of me. But I’m not just going to let you do whatever you want, either.”
Did he think he could control you? “Sebastian-“
“That was a gamble you took last night. You know I still have trouble sleeping, right?”
Everything turned to ice again. “Did you…?”
“Yeah. I saw everything. And don’t get me wrong, I’m furious, but I’ll forgive you. If…” He dragged out the pause. “You drop this whole divorce thing. We can move past this, everything can go back to normal. He’s out of the picture. For good.”
You grit your teeth, hands clenching around your belongings even tighter. “Normal?”
“Mhmm.”
The ice inside you melted from red hot fury, and even though you were still uneasy you couldn’t stay silent. “Haven’t you been listening to me? That’s exactly what I don’t want to happen. I never did, even before Harvey. Normal was me fainting in the mines just to distract myself from how unloved you made me feel. I don’t want normal.”
He inhaled sharply through his nose.
By not saying a single word Sebastian suspended you in a tense, terrifying moment, the air on edge with his presence, caging you at every point the two of you touched. However, you tried not to show any more fear. This probably would’ve been easier if you kept your mouth shut and pretended to agree, but maybe he needed to hear it. And you needed to say it. Now though, all you needed was him to let go.
His hold tightened.
“I have been listening to you,” he said, voice straining not to rise. “You say you want me to be different, more affectionate, more involved, but you don’t understand what that would mean for us. Normal is a fucking gift I’m giving you. Every. Single. Day.”
Hoping he’d loosen up, you started to squirm, but his grip remained resolute. “Seb-“
“I thought marrying you would help but I still have to hold back, I’m still so-” He shut his mouth, forcing himself to calm down, his words now slower and more thought-out. “If I let go for even a second I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself again. That’s why I’ve kept my distance. I didn’t want to scare you off. At first I thought it’d be easy to push you away, it’s easy with everyone else, but with you it hurts. It hurts so much. But I can’t spend too much time around you without feeling like I’m losing my mind.” When he smiled, when he started laughing, a weight sank inside of you. “But if I don’t spend enough time with you I still lose my mind!”
Truly trying to get out now, you wrestled against him. You didn’t understand what Sebastian was getting at but you didn’t want to stick around until you did. “Sebastian-“
He fought to keep you trapped. “Stop moving!”
“Let go!”
For a second you thought he did, but he only unwrapped his arms to shove you down onto your back, and before you could scramble away he pinned both of your wrists to the mattress, suspending himself over your body as you struggled, his legs between yours so you couldn’t kick him easily. Eventually you gave up, only able to stare at him. Your husband. Or maybe he was someone else now, because the man you had been married to for a year didn’t act like this. When he leaned in close you went completely still, dead stiff as he talked low into your ear.
“Am I going to have to tie you down just to have a conversation with you?” He moved to your cheek, leaving a kiss. “Lock you up just to keep you from tonguing every guy who gives you attention?” A kiss to your jaw. “To keep you from running back to the city?” Your neck. “From signing some stupid paper?”
Even if you knew how to get through to him in his state you weren’t sure if you could bring yourself to speak, and you definitely couldn’t when he brought his face back up, parallel to yours and too, too close. “You know what, now that I think about it… That kiss, all of this, it’s a cry for help, isn’t it?”
Your surprise let a word slip out. “What?”
“I wouldn’t listen to you when you said you wanted more, I was too afraid of what I’d do, so since talking didn’t work… You took action. You knew I’d see.” That laugh again. “And here I am, a fucking mess for you. I’m actually impressed.”
Earlier you figured it was better for him to know the truth, but if thinking about it that way kept him from doing something drastic right now you’d happily agree. “I, uh, didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” His lips brushed against yours but it wasn’t quite a kiss, just a touch, feather-light as he spoke into your mouth. “If you really want things to change, I’m listening now. You’ve got my attention. I’ll spoil you, I’ll drown you in everything I’ve been holding in.” Slightly lifting himself up, he gave you a bit of space so he could look down at you. “But I’m warning you, once we start there’s no going back. What do you say?”
Turning your head to the side, the movement wasn’t enough to spurn him, but enough so you could think. Run through everything in your mind. And when you finally processed all the things he said, piecing together the present with the past and back again, you only had one question.
“What did you do to Harvey?” you asked.
He frowned. “Do you really want to know?”
It was already too late. He lost control, and nothing would ever be the same again.
But this was what you wanted, wasn’t it?