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At six years old, Emma Sano wasn’t sure if she remembered her mother’s voice. At ten years old, she knew she’d forgotten the woman’s face. She wondered if she should be sad about it. She wasn’t, though, it wasn’t exactly sadness. It was something else, something displaced she couldn’t quite understand. But she didn’t miss her mother.
Shinichiro Sano was eighteen the first time he saw his little sister. He remembers she stuck out by how frail and tiny she was, he was sure if he got too close she’d snap in half.
The little girl was blonde and ratty, with big striking eyes and a frown that looked just like his brother’s. She hid behind her mother’s skirt, clinging tightly to the fabric in hopes that way she wouldn’t have to let go.
Shinichiro felt sorry for her.
The girl started to shake, as her mother pulled on her shoulders, gently separating her little fingers from their death grip. The girl’s nails were long and uneven, and Shinichiro wondered if they broke often. The thought made him uncomfortable with the dawning truth that the little girl in front of him was not taken care of.
The tall, blonde woman he presumed was her mother leaned in front of her, brushing her thin hair out of her face, and tilting her head when she talked.
He wasn’t sure what was said but the woman got up and shoved the little girl forward, pushing the palm of her hand between her shoulders. She walked slowly, looking like she was about to pass out and Shinichiro disliked the woman immediately.
She was gone quick as she came. It was almost jarring.
But Shinichiro had bigger problems than the unpleasant woman and her sudden disappearance. The little girl, clearly holding back tears, was staring up at him and Shinichiro didn’t know what exactly he was supposed to do.
Fortunately or unfortunately depending on who one asked, Manjiro ran up to them with their grandfather following closely behind. “Who’s this?”
“This is your new sister.” Answered his grandfather gruffly. Shinichiro knew by his tone what he meant: your new responsibility . He wondered if his resignation was positive.
“Yeah, so don’t fall in love with me. I’m your big brother now.” Shinichiro joked, nervously. The girl blinked up at him, owlishly and Shinichiro wondered if he should’ve just let Manjiro talk instead.
“Your hair’s dumb.” She frowned, and he heard Manjiro chortle happily like that was the best thing he’d ever heard.
“What’s your name?”
“Emma.”
He frowned. “That’s foreign. You’re a foreigner.”
And suddenly, like a switch had been flipped, the girl started crying; her little eyes overflowing with everything she’d been holding back.
“Be nice, Manjiro.” Snapped his grandfather, slapping him atop the head.
“Dammit, Manjiro. You really don’t understand girls at all.” Sighed Shinichiro. He wondered if hugging her would help anything at all.
“Hey!” He protested. “You don’t either, you loser!” And with that, he huffed away, taking his leave, abandoning his poor brother with the little crying girl.
He crouched down, making sure to keep a safe distance from the girl, so as to not make her too uncomfortable. “Hey, don’t cry.”
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because Emma just started crying harder, and Shinichiro wondered why exactly anyone thought they could leave him alone with a small child and expect any kind of competency. Distantly, he knew they didn’t expect competency, they didn’t expect anything at all. They hadn’t thought that far.
Little Emma with no last name had been abandoned and left to fend for herself. Nobody had cared if Shinichiro was a friend or a foe because the little girl didn’t matter at all, and maybe that was the real tragedy.
This little girl, staring up at him, completely at his mercy, with the eyes of someone that knew their fate before it was decided, was the tragedy of his life.
But then, she approached him shyly, refusing to get too close, but close enough that Shinichiro could tell she was searching for comfort and warmth. It was a small consolation, he knew; for him, not for her.
That’s when he decided, eighteen and brash, that little Emma with no last name would become little Emma Sano with the big brother that would give up the world for her.
The next few weeks were hard. Little Emma with no last name remained just that. Shinichiro didn’t have the bravery to say anything different.
She talked quietly, if at all, and not a single of those words had been directed towards Shinichiro. She barely ate and slept even less so, and Shinichiro wondered if she’d die before he could properly hear her voice.
However, small blessings came when he least expected them, and two weeks after Emma’s arrival they came in the form of little Keisuke Baji. Rowdy and abrasive and everything Emma probably hated, Keisuke barged into the dojo and loudly - just like he did everything - asked about Emma’s presence in the gym.
“She’s my little sister.” Manjiro declared proudly. “So back off.”
Emma looked a bit shocked. At the pride or the declaration himself, he couldn’t be sure.
Baji, however, had never been scared of the boy and bulldozed right over the warning. “What’s her name?”
“Emma.” She answered. She looked curious - Shinichiro thought it was good.
“It’s foreign.”
Shinichiro tensed right up again, unsure how to react. Manjiro stepped in instead. “Yeah, and I’m Mikey now.” He declared, proudly pointing at himself.
“What?”
“Yeah, that way Emma won’t be the only one with a foreign name, right Emma?” He turned to her, eyes shining eagerly and happily, like a puppy searching for praise.
Shinichiro was almost relieved his brother had taken a liking to her. Manjiro was fierce about those he loved. She deserved a love like that.
Baji blinked, nodded, and straightened his back. “I’m Edward from now on, then.”
Emma, who was already looking confused an overwhelmed turned to Baji, mouth hanging open. “Huh?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, “because I’m your brother now too, right?” And Baji looked so eager and pleased, Shinichiro wasn’t even surprised when Emma nodded, albeit a bit uncertainly.
Regardless, he was happy Emma seemed to fit in. If he couldn’t get through to her maybe the two, mischievous little boys could. They had the best intentions, he knew, and a good heart. Maybe they’d get the girl out of her shell, he mused, as he watched Keisuke and Manjiro chase each other gleefully, running circles around Emma.
His hopes were true and wildly inaccurate at once. Over the course of the next few weeks, Keisuke and Emma became inseparable. Wherever Emma was, Keisuke was near. Whenever he needed to speak to one of them he’d just ask the other where they were.
It was with Keisuke that Emma flourished. They forced everyone to call them siblings to the point where Mikey - he never responded to anything but - was convinced Keisuke was his own brother. Emma and Kei learned to fight together, they learned to read together, and they learned how to best get on Shinichiro’s last nerve together. Always together.
But Mikey had always been a jealous kid, and not far behind, had become Emma’s biggest confidant. Shinichiro could hear them whispering and giggling after hours when they thought they didn’t hear. He could tell Emma knew Mikey like the back of her hand, and Mikey knew Emma like she’d been there his whole life.
They were menaces, the three of them, and Shinichiro was sure he would go bald by the time he was twenty-five. Wakasa had found that last part hilarious, and Shinichiro had huffed and pouted about how he was completely serious, actually.
The three little kids were inseparable, and quickly, they became inseparable with him too. It was nice as it was stressful, but Shinichiro didn’t have the time to be bitter and if he wasted all his energies hating someone else, he’d never find the time to love his siblings at all. And Shinichiro loved his siblings. He truly did, he loved them so much it hurt.
And it did hurt. Literally. Shinichiro was pretty sure that if he missed a single night of sleep more his migraines would turn into a stroke. He would do anything for his siblings, he knew. But at some point, ‘anything’ had turned into not sleeping for days on end and he wondered how exactly he was supposed to survive.
Emma hadn’t slept since she’d gotten there, four months ago. The rare times she did sleep were fitful and uneasy, always at odd hours. It showed when you looked at her. All big purple eye bags and slumped shoulders that gave her a ratty look, like she’d be blown over by the first gust of wind in her direction.
Mikey wasn’t faring much better, he noticed. He’d always been a bit of a strange child and refused to sleep unless his sister did. Meaning he’d pass out in the early dawn hours, and all throughout the day. Mikey passed out constantly, barely being able to keep himself awake, constantly grumpy and fitful, no matter the time.
They barely got a few hours a night combined and Shinichiro was sure the next thing he’d have to try is a medically induced coma. And he’d tried everything , from melatonin to sleeping with them, to waking them up early to letting them sleep ‘til whenever they wanted. He’d bought about ten different nightlights and gotten twenty different brands, one was even a prescription pill! But nothing worked, and he was getting desperate.
He wondered what exactly he was meant to do if nothing worked and Mikey was one night away from breaking Keisuke’s nose.
Inspiration came to him in the form of an old memory he’d wanted to forget. Maybe he was fortunate that the past seemed to haunt him like a ghost he couldn't quite let go of.
His mother, he remembered, used to sing a lullaby when she tucked him in. The sweetest lullaby she could find in her even sweeter voice. He would always melt when he heard it, relaxing like he had no bones at all, and no worries to go with them.
There were a thousand futures in which his little siblings didn't experience the same gentle care of being sung to sleep and he couldn't imagine little Mikey and Emma living in one of them.
Unfortunately, Shinichiro didn't have a sweet voice or docile siblings to go with it. The most he had were his own wits and a comfy bed for them, and even the first was running short.
Still, Shinichiro walked the line between determination and desperation with the grace of those with no choices left in their life. (He had always been a bit dramatic, — he was allowed to).
That night, he gathered way too much courage for someone who was just meant to face two seven-year-olds and declared it was bedtime. He was met with Mikey's tired whining and Emma's resigned sigh.
He hoped this night would be different.
Gently and patiently, Shinichiro coaxed Emma to bed, knowing Mikey would follow closely behind. He was surprisingly compliant when tired, he noted.
They both slept in the same room. About three weeks in, Mikey had declared 'he just couldn't be away from his new best friend that long' and though she never said it, Shinichiro knew Emma was scared of being left alone. So it worked, and they both crawled in their little beds on opposite sides of the narrow room.
Shinichiro perched himself on the side of Emma's bed, letting the girl curl into him like a scared kitten. She'd always been skittish when doing that, even now, a few months into their little family. But she did it every night regardless and Shinichiro always sat in the same spot.
"So, how was your day?"
"Good." Emma was speaking up a lot more lately and Shinichiro was starting to think she'd finally taken a liking to him. "Baji and I learned how to punch!"
On the other side, Mikey yawned, already sprawled on his covers. "Emma totally kicked his butt."
" Language ." Shinichiro chided, though it was gentle and resigned. He tried to his sister, ruffling her hair. "I'm proud of you, Em."
The girl's eyes sparkled, and Shinichiro wondered if it was the first time she'd heard it. Then, she yawned, and the hazy spell was broken, as Shinichiro remembered why they were there in the first place.
"Okay, come on, it's time for bed. Get comfortable or whatever."
Mikey just stretched, going completely limp, spread out on the bed like a particularly confident housecat. Emma however, curled further into Shinichiro, laying her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. He pretended it didn't make him want to cry, and then wondered how the fuck this had become his life. He used to be cool, for fuck's sake.
(His friends would argue he never had been, laughing and slapping him good-naturedly, like they didn't adore the damn kids too.)
All quiet and settled, it was clear the kids were exhausted. Shinichiro cleared his throat nervously, wondering if he even remembered the lyrics at all. His childhood seemed hazy and distant, heavy with the opaqueness that coated everything distant and unreal.
He wondered if his voice was any good at all. But Emma's brow had started to furrow and he could tell Mikey was more attuned with his sister than he thought, so he just prayed for the best.
" Remember me …"
The song was sweet and nostalgic, and it made Shinichiro's heart ache, feeling like it would burst. But it was soft and loving and if these kids had any memory of him at all he wanted it to be this one.
He looked down at them as he sang, the beds being close enough for him to be able to reach Mikey easily. He ran his hands through his siblings' hair, trying to memorize the moment. He wanted to remember this forever.
Then, Emma started crying. They were low, quiet sniffles and Shinichiro could tell he didn't want them to notice. Mikey, however, had always been an emotional child and started crying as well as soon as he heard.
Shinichiro was struck with the fact that maybe this hadn't been his best idea, after all. Yet, when he stopped, desperately trying to shush and comfort his baby siblings, he found Emma looking up at him with big, sad eyes.
"Why'd you stop?"
"What?"
"Keep going," she sniffled, "it was pretty."
And really, it was the first time Emma had asked anything of him at all, so he complied easily. Mikey seemed to calm down, seeing his sister appeased, and Shinichiro wondered if the kid's life mission was to personally inconvenience him.
He started singing again. " Remember me… though I have to say goodbye. "
He found himself singing it a few times, like a broken record, playing on repeat over and over. But he didn't stop, because Emma had never asked anything of him at all and Mikey looked like if he lost any more sleep he'd never sleep again. And so, he played like a broken record until he heard snoring; he'd always been a bit of a one trick pony, anyway.
It took about half an hour to lull the kids to sleep, and by the time he stopped Shinichiro was sure he'd just been babbling nonsense. But his siblings were asleep and that's all that mattered. His baby siblings were sleeping for the first time in months.
He almost felt like he was going crazy, delirious with joy, and unsure if it had all been an insane dream, fueled by his sleepless nights. But Emma and Mikey snored softly, and for a few minutes, they looked so peaceful, Shinichiro was sure it was real. That kind of peace could not be made up, just as the kind of love filling his chest could not be predicted.
He'd always known he'd love his siblings to death, but as he tucked him in, he thought, he never knew a love like this.
God, he was so lame.
He closed the door and hoped it worked the next day, too.
And it did. It worked the next day, and the next, and every day up to the little girl's birthday. It worked every day until Shinichiro went from Shinichiro to big brother . His heart swelled with pride.
Little Emma with no last name had become Emma Sano on her seventh birthday.
She'd been fidgety all day, unsure if her family — they insisted — remembered and unsure if it was her birthday at all. Her brothers had always been kind, and Emma loved them to death but she wasn't sure where the line was drawn. She couldn't quite tell how far their kindness extended.
She'd never had a proper birthday, and didn't expect this to be her first. Yet for some strange reason she was nervous, as if she didn't know exactly how the day would go: just like any other. Emma's birthday had never been a celebration and it never would be; there was nothing to be anxious about, just as there was nothing to celebrate.
It all seemed kind of grim to know at the ripe age of seven.
The night before Emma's birthday had been like any other. Shinichiro had sung softly, while tucking them to bed, switched on the little pink nightlight she'd picked out and wished them good night.
The morning of Emma's birthday was unlike any other morning in her life. It was a Saturday, which meant no school. Emma didn't really mind that, though, she'd wake up early anyway.
Shinichiro had been jumpy all evening, trying to set everything up perfectly, starting with making sure his sister wasn't awake at some ungodly hour. He was fortunate, and she woke up at ten.
The little girl made her way down the deteriorating stairs and info into the tiny kitchen, rubbing her eyes sleepily. Shinichiro could tell she was confused as to why both him and Mikey were up before her.
"Good morning." She frowned.
"Morning, angel."
Mikey just grunted in acknowledgement.
"Hey, Emma."
" Kei ?"
"Why do you have to sound so unhappy about it?" He whined, leaning in to hug her. Emma hugged him right back, seemingly even more confused.
"Of course I'm happy to see you, buttface."
" Please, language ." Shinichiro called back desperately.
Which was, of course, exactly when Mikey decided he was ready to talk again. Joy. "Stop being lame."
" Anyway . Happy birthday, angel!"
Shinichiro wondered if he'd fucked up somewhere, as he set the cake on the little, round table in the center of the kitchen. Emma's eyes widened and filled with tears, making even the two little boys panic.
"Hey, no, what's wrong?"
"Is it chocolate?" She sniffled.
"Yeah."
"You remembered."
"Well, of course I remembered, Em. Happy birthday."
"Happy birthday, Emma!" Called Baji and Mikey, throwing their arms around her in some sort of storage tug of war, as she giggled between them.
"Thank you." She beamed, taking a bite of her cake.
It was nothing special or even near to what Shinichiro had wanted. But they weren't rich and he had a budget that so happened to extend to supermarket chocolate.
"'Course." Answered Mikey, through the mouthful of cake he was munching on, like he'd done anything to help at all.
Shinichiro rolled his eyes, offering a glass of water, that he took gratefully. The damn kid was gonna be the death of him, he thought fondly.
"We can do the presents later when everyone comes over for lunch."
Everyone being his three friends, Baji's mom and Takeomi's little sister Senju. The presents being the new markers Emma had been obsessed with and whatever the rest of them could come up with it.
Emma's eyes widened, looking shocked, and Shinichiro wondered when she'd understand what it meant to be a part of their little family. Maybe this would finally seal it.
"But first, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about."
Lemme frowned at that, growing tense and wary, and not for the first time his heart ached for his little sister. No scene year old should be able to look so exhausted.
"It's nothing bad. I promise."
She clenched her tiny fists, looking down at her lap. "You're not giving me back?"
" What? No! Emma there is no giving you back. You're our sister. I actually wanted to ask if you wanted to be Emma Sano. Like officially."
The little girl's eyes widened even more, and Shinichiro was scared she'd start crying. "What?"
"Well, grandpa technically adopted you. Meaning you're part of the family. But I thought you might want to be called Emma Sano."
Emma blinked, clearly fighting back tears. "I can do that?"
He nodded, opening his arms slightly. "Only if you want to."
And sweet little Emma Sano squealed, throwing herself into his arms gleefully. "I get to be Emma Sano ?!"
"You always have been." He huffed fondly.
That night, tucked in with a full belly, and her brother singing her the saddest lullaby in the world, Emma knew she was there to stay. It felt like the world had been titled on its axis. Except she was pretty sure it had just been put right.
That night, just like every night, the sweet sound of her brother's lullaby lulled her to sleep. Except she was his sister now; this time for real.