Chapter Text
The druid camp Arthur decided, was unlike any place he had seen before. Carl had informed them on the way there that it had been located here even during his father's reign. How they had managed to hide an entire camp from his father, Arthur would never know. He had seen a few druid camps during patrols or raids, but never had he been with the druids as their guest. As soon as they had entered the area of tents hidden behind trees and bushes, the quiet murmuring of conversation he’d heard moments before had died down. All eyes swayed from him to his knights behind him, and back to him, widening as the realisation sank in who had entered their camp. Merlin, who had walked a bit behind him, pushed himself to the front and flushed red as he took in the stares now focused on him.
“Alright show is over.” Carl declared loudly for all druids to hear. “Who knows where I can find Mathias?”
Mathias turned out to be a man of middle age and Arthur begrudgingly had to admit, a born leader if his encounter with Arthur and his knight was anything to go by. He had shown no surprise at having the King of Camelot and his knights appear at his camp and merely invited them to his personal tent so they could talk in private. Merlin was ushered away to the healing tent by a woman who introduced herself as Margret.
A woman who didn’t tolerate any contradiction Arthur quickly learned, as she got the ever-so-stubborn Merlin to follow along after only raising a very stern eyebrow. After Merlin reluctantly detached himself from Arthur’s side and bit them all goodnight, Gwaine was of course the first to open his mouth.
“Will he be alright?”
Arthur shot him a stern look for breaking proper protocol by addressing Mathias before Arthur had the chance but Gwaine merely shrugged in response.
“Merlin will be perfectly fine. He has already improved greatly in the time he’s spent here. I suspect he will be well enough to make the journey back to Camelot in a few days.”
Even though Arthur had already seen Merlin was fine, he still lightened at the words.
Mathias turned to Arthur and slightly bent his head as he continued. Not a full bow Arthur noted, enough to acknowledge his title as king but not his king. It was clear Mathias did not consider Arthur his sovereign and even though the druid camp lay within Camelot’s territory, Arthur did not fault him for it. His father had done nothing for these people except make their lives more difficult. In time Arthur had been king he could not say he’d gone out of his way to improve the difficult relation the crown had with the druids. Arthur hadn’t raided any of their camps in his time as king nor had he executed anyone for the use of magic truly. But he never expected a pad on the back for simply ignoring this difficult problem he had never known what to do with.
“Your Highness, you and your men are of course welcome to stay for as long as you need. Me and my people would be most happy to have you in our midst.”
“I am thankful for your hospitality” Arthur began. “We won’t disrupt you for long I assure you.”
“It is no disruption at all,” Mathias assured him. “I do however have a request to make.”
Arthur nodded for him to continue.
“As we are a peaceful people we do not carry weapons in this camp. And although I trust you and your men not to use them, my people will be nervous in the presence of armed knights. Therefore I would ask you to leave your weapons with me in this tent.”
Arthur instinctively touched the hilt of Excalibur on his hip, not liking the sound of parting with his trusted weapon at all. A peaceful people maybe but as he surveyed Mathias, his muscle toned arms and broad shoulders, Arthur didn’t doubt for a second that the man knew how to fight if it ever came to it. His father would have called him an absolute fool for entering enemy territory unarmed but as Arthur met Mathias’s kind eyes he trusted that he had nothing to fear from these people. Maybe this could be the opening he had been waiting for to begin fixing the relations between the crown and the druids. So hence a bit reluctant Arthur removed his sword and handed it to the druid chief. His knights followed Arthur’s queue and carefully gathered their weapons in the corner of the tent.
“Thank you.” Mathias nodded his head. “If you’ll allow me I would like to show you to your tents for the night.”
The following morning Arthur sent all his knights home to Camelot to inform the council and the rest of his people that they were all still alive. Arthur had been gone too long as it was, his council must be debating sending out search parties for him by now. His men were not easily convinced to leave him behind but Arthur simply refused to leave without Merlin and, although the druids had been welcoming, it wasn’t hard to see these people were weary of the knights. Leon caused the biggest fuss and called Arthur an idiot for thinking he would leave his king alone to journey back through bandit-invested lands. The compromise had been that Gwaine would stay with Arthur and Leon would lead Elyan and Percival back to Camelot.
After bidding his men goodbye he went searching for the healer's tent where Arthur hoped he’d find Merlin. He had not spoken to Merlin since they’d arrived at the camp yesterday when Merlin had been whisked away by the healer and hadn’t emerged since.
After locating the right tent, Arthur was about to step inside as he almost collided with a tall, dark-haired figure hurrying out the opening.
Merlin froze as he raised his head to meet Arthur’s surprised stare.
Arthur recovered first, “can we talk?”
Merlin nodded, his eyes downcast like he had been dreading this conversation for some time now.
“I know a place, come on” Merlin said and Arthur followed him out of the camp.
Merlin came to a halt at a small clearing just beyond the treeline separating the camp and the rest of the forest.
Merlin turned to him. “I don’t know where to start” he admitted.
“You have magic” Arthur started. It was the first time Arthur had said it out loud he realised. The words tasted strange on his tongue as he said them.
Merlin only nodded.
“Why Merlin? Why would you ever want to learn magic? It’s an evil force that corrupts you until you’re nothing but rot inside, look what happened to Morgana.”
A panicked feeling settled in his gut as he thought of his sister, what she had become, what Merlin could become if he didn’t stop this.
“You know all this so why would you ever turn to that?”
“It’s not like that Arthur” Merlin defended.
“It’s not too late Merlin. You can stop. I won’t say anything. You can stop using it and perhaps it will go away. Like it did with Gaius.” Arthur ranted on.
“Arthur stop!”
Arthur stopped and looked at Merlin. He hadn’t even realised he had started pacing. Merlin’s face was gaunt, a bit paler than normal, and his eyes reflected his inner misery.
“It’s not like that Arthur” Merlin said again.
“It doesn’t work that way.”
“Then what is it like Merlin? Because I’m losing my mind here thinking that the one person I trusted above all others has betrayed me. You have magic and you probably used it to do all sorts of things behind my back for lord knows how long. You were there for everything, you saw all the terrible things magic has ever done to me and still you turned to it. I can’t lose another person to magic like I did Morgana, I can’t. So do tell me Merlin, how it’s not like that.”
Merlin blanched at the words like Arthur had physically struck him.
“I was born with it” Merlin admitted. A wet mist sparked in his eyes as Merlin told him. “I never learned magic, never chose it. Magic chose me.”
Arthur’s stomach dropped.
“That’s not possible. People can’t be born with magic.”
Because that meant Merlin had been lying to him all this time. Ever since they’d met all those years ago, Merlin had had magic.
“Yeah well, guess I am the exception.”
“You’ve had magic all this time” Arthur said softly as the realisation slowly sank in. “I trusted you. All this time I thought you were my friend. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
“You do know me Arthur.” Merlin’s voice broke as he said it. “I’m still me. Having magic doesn’t change who I am. I am still your friend Arthur, you can trust me, always.”
Arthur scoffed. “So I can trust you but you don’t trust me. Is that it?”
“I do trust you Arthur.”
“Just not enough to tell me the truth. Would you ever have told me had I not caught you?”
At Merlin’s silence Arthur scoffed again, it was answer enough. As he buried his face in his hands Arthur couldn’t help but feel that his whole life was falling apart.
“I wanted to tell you.” Merlin admitted softly. “But what choice did I have? Your father would have burned me to death.”
Merlin’s fists were balled as he turned away from Arthur. His shoulders were tense, his skin too pale. Probably from too little sleep and the fact that Merlin was still not fully healed. His breathing calmed as Arthur watched Merlin compose himself. Watched as the man he could still read like a book tried so hard to not fall apart in front of Arthur.
But Arthur still saw everything. He saw the broken soul that lay beneath the now squared shoulders. He saw the burden and the weight of this massive secret Merlin had carried for way too long. He saw it all as Merlin turned to him and he looked directly into Merlin’s eyes. Those brilliantly blue eyes that Arthur had studied far too many times. He knew every shade of blue those eyes could take, knew how they sparkled when Merlin was laughing or up to mischief, knew the slightly narrowed shape they took when Merlin thought Arthur acted like an idiot, and he knew how they glazed over to an almost greyish tint when he was scared.
That’s what Merlin was right now Arthur realised. Scared, of him. Arthur couldn’t bear the thought of him being the cause of Merlin’s fear.
“I didn’t tell you when we first met because I was scared you would tell your father and have me executed.” Merlin continued.
Arthur thought about that time of his life, how young he had been, arrogant and, had wanted nothing more than his father’s approval. It pains him to admit he probably would have told his father had he found out then.
“And after we became friends? Why didn’t you tell me then?” Arthur asked.
“I wanted to,” Merlin said again. “What would you have done? If I’d told you then”
“I, I don’t know” Arthur admitted. “I don’t think I would have told him. He would have killed you. I would have been hurt Merlin, as I am now. But I would never have wished you dead.”
Merlin nodded like he had already come to that same conclusion years ago.
“You would have kept my secret even when your father’s laws obligated you not to. You would have committed treason every day you stayed silent. Every day you would have had to choose between staying loyal to the crown and me, between your father and me. I never wanted you to have to make that choice.”
“That’s why you didn’t tell me? Because you didn’t want me to have to lie to my father?”
Merlin nodded.
Stupid, self-sacrificing, idiot Merlin. It was so like his manservant Arthur wanted to scream. Always placing Arthur's needs above his, never looking out for himself.
“I understand,” Arthur admitted. “I understand why you didn’t tell me when I was still crown prince, I don’t like it, but I can understand it. But I’ve been king for some time now Merlin.”
Merlin dropped his hands to his side and shrugged.
“There was always something. First Morgana betrayed you and you were struggling enough without me adding to that. Then you’d just become king…” Merlin hesitated and those blue eyes studied him, eventually, Merlin sighed and continued. “You needed me. You hate magic Arthur, and I don’t blame you for it. You have suffered at the hand of magic, I know that. So I couldn’t risk you not trusting me anymore or casting me out when you desperately needed people you could trust.”
Arthur was quiet at that. There was some logic in what Merlin was telling him, he knows that. Yet he still felt… angry, sad, there were too many emotions going through his mind to make sense of them. He felt like a fool for not realising any of it much sooner, for not seeing what he so clearly saw now, the weight Merlin had been carrying everywhere. He felt weak because apparently, Merlin has felt the need to shield him from, well, everything.
Arthur sighed. He’d sort through his own thoughts and emotions later.
“Alright” Arthur said.
Merlin blinked.
“Alright? What do you mean alright?”
“It means, you have magic and you hid it from me when you shouldn’t have,” Arthur shot his manservant a look daring him to contradict him, “But I understand why you didn’t even if I can understand why you did.”
“So that’s it?” Merlin asked sceptical like he was still waiting for the final sentence that would doom him.
“I’m still angry,” Arthur admitted, “and I want to know everything you did that you never felt like you could tell me alright? But otherwise, yeah, that’s it.”
Merlin stared at him intently, searching his face for hidden clues Arthur was fooling him somehow. Apparently, Merlin didn’t find any as he began smiling. The small smile turned into a broad grin and eventually, Merlin was laughing, tears streaming down his face.
Arthur stared at him perplexed at the odd reaction and then joined in because of the sheer idiocy of the situation.
They stared at each other laughing for a while when Arthur closed the distance between them and hugged Merlin like he hadn’t seen the man in a year. Merlin startled between his arms but slowly Arthur felt a pair of arms sliding across his back and hugging him back.
They stood like that for a while, enjoying the feeling of having that final wall between them removed. When Merlin eventually broke the hug, Arthur stepped back and a bit awkwardly he asked, “So what now?”
Merlin laughed disbelieved. “Well that’s sort of up to you isn’t it? What do you want to do? I think it’s sort of safe to say you’re not sentencing me to the pyre. But do you want to come back to Camelot or…?” Merlin finished sheepishly.
Arthur blinked. “You’re an idiot you know that? Did you not hear a word of what I said?”
“You're still mad.”
“Yes I’m still mad, and this right now is not helping that just so you know. But just because I’m mad at you does not mean I want to banish you. Do you truly think so little of me”
“No!” Merlin interfered quickly. “I don’t, I just, can’t believe this is actually happening right now. You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about this scenario and somehow it never ended like this.”
Arthur softened at that. “Come on,” he said pulling Merlin back to the camp.” Let’s find out what druids eat for lunch shall we?”
Merlin scoffed amused. “They’re people Arthur they eat the same things we do.”
“Really? Well it’s nice to have that confirmed if I’m going to be negotiating with them.”
Merlin shot him a puzzling look that Arthur only returned with a grin.