Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Look, Lan Zhan, I get it OK? I get it. I get that you hate me. I get that everything about me apparently irritates the hell out of you. But we still have to work together on this project. I'll leave you alone away from that, I promise."
The anger that had flared in Wei Ying's eyes disappeared as quickly as it had sprung up. Now he just sounds exhausted.
"Wei Ying" Lan Zhan tried. "I... I don't... Want that..." He wasn't making himself clear, he knew.
A look of shock passed over Wei Ying's expressive features before clouding over into something Lan Zhan couldn't read.
"You don't want that" Wei Ying shook his head sadly.
"Fine. You can't even work with me."
"Wei Ying..."
"I hear there's an opening on another design team. I'll put in for a transfer first thing Monday morning." Wei Ying's voice was flat, devoid of emotion, toneless.
Lan Zhan couldn't take it. "Wei Ying, no! That's not..."
But Wei Ying was interrupting him again. "It's fine, Lan Zhan. Really. You've made yourself perfectly clear. I'll be out of your hair soon enough and you can pretend I never existed."

Six months previously Lan Zhan's world had been turned upside down by the arrival of the most beautiful man he had ever seen. Brought in to assist Lan Zhan's team with a particularly fussy client. Wei Ying was known for his more unorthodox approach to design, his creativity leaping in directions others never thought of. He was vibrant, loud, overly confident in his abilities and quite simply stunning. He was unlike anyone Lan Zhan had ever met before. The moment their eyes locked onto each other, Lan Zhan knew he was in trouble. The breath knocked out of him not just that first time but every time since as well.
Wei Ying was an extremely tactile person, much to Lan Zhan's horror. He knew it was only a matter of time before those beautiful hands with those long elegant fingers would be casually placed somewhere upon him. Lan Zhan was terrified his body would betray him and reveal his feelings towards the man. Subsequently, when the moment came, Wei Ying placing a hand on Lan Zhan's shoulder as he leaned across to look over the design, Lan Zhan flinched away from the touch. Wei Ying immediately moved his hand away as though burned. He apologised profusely for invading Lan Zhan's personal space and promised it wouldn't happen again. Lan Zhan didn't know how to react, how to reassure Wei Ying that he really didn't mind. So he kept quiet and didn't say anything.
True to his word, Wei Ying was careful to keep some distance between himself and Lan Zhan. His smile was still warm, his eyes still sparkled. But he respected Lan Zhan's space.
Lan Zhan mourned the loss more than he would care to admit. Scowling whenever he witnessed Wei Ying casually place a hand on another team member. He was so free with his touch, it made Lan Zhan ache with want. It made Lan Zhan wish that touch was for him and him alone. He wasn't familiar at all with this version of himself. He had never felt jealousy before now. Before We Ying. What was happening to him?

It was inevitable, really, when several weeks later Wei Ying's hand found its way onto Lan Zhan's arm as they checked over the latest developments in their design. This time, Lan Zhan was prepared. He didn't flinch away from the contact. Instead he allowed himself to feel and enjoy the sensation of Wei Ying's warmth emanating from him. When Wei Ying realised what he was doing, he removed his hand immediately accompanied by a heartfelt "I'm so sorry Lan Zhan! I forgot! Forgive me?" and a radiant smile that had Lan Zhan's heart fluttering. He didn't mean to glare back in response. But the loss of that warmth on his arm was devastating. It was only later, when he recalled how Wei Ying's smile fell so rapidly, that he understood how his reaction might have been interpreted. He was sad at the thought of hurting Wei Ying's feelings, but honestly, wasn't it better this way. Better that his own feelings remained undisclosed. Because Lan Zhan was 100% certain there was no way they were returned in kind. No matter his brother's opinion on the subject. Wei Ying couldn't possibly return his feelings. Wei Ying would be OK. Nothing kept him down for long. It was part of what Lan Zhan loved about him.

Sure enough, the following day Wei Ying treated Lan Zhan the same as always. Clearly unaffected by their exchange. Lan Zhan inwardly sighed in relief. He liked working with Wei Ying. They bounced ideas around easily between them. Lan Zhan couldn't deny that Wei Ying had brought a fresh take to the project that wouldn't have come about without him. And their client positively loved Wei Ying. His enthusiasm was infectious. Lan Zhan secretly thought their client would agree to anything so long as Wei Ying were the one to suggest it.
Lan Zhan didn't want to do anything to jeopardise this. He would patiently wait until the project was completed, and then maybe he would consider asking Wei Ying if he would like to go for a coffee. Lan Zhan's brother was confident in his view that Wei Ying was interested in Lan Zhan. But Xichen didn't see the way Wei Ying was around everyone. There was nothing special about the way he was treated, he was sure.

The more closely Lan Zhan worked with Wei Ying, the more he became aware of his brilliance. Described as frivolous by some in the industry due to his carefree attitude, Lan Zhan saw the truth. Wei Ying worked harder than most, he cared about his work in a way not all designers Lan Zhan had come across did, his skills matching Lan Zhan's own. He hadn't had an easy journey to this point, Lan Zhan knew. Losing his parents in a horrible accident when Wei Ying was just a small child. Taken in by close family friends, only to be thrown out without ceremony at 16 years of age. Wei Ying had fought hard for everything he had, to be where he was now. From what Lan Zhan could tell, Wei Ying still had a strong bond with his adoptive siblings but had little to do with the rest of the Jiang family. Lan Zhan didn't know the details of what had caused the rift. Wei Ying always glossed over this part of his life with a self depreciating laugh and a wave of his hand "Ah, I'm a handful, Lan Zhan. Always causing some mischief or other" said with a wink, and proceed to change the conversation. Whatever had gone on, it was obvious Wei Ying had been hurt by it. Lan Zhan felt anger at the idea of Wei Ying being hurt by anyone, being made to feel unwanted. It occurred to him that his own actions may have also have come across that way to Wei Ying. But Lan Zhan would rectify that. He would. Just as soon as it wouldn't be putting the project at risk if Wei Ying wasn't receptive. At least, that's what he told himself. Xichen said he was using the project as an excuse to avoid confronting his feelings for Wei Ying. Lan Zhan didn't want to think about his brother's words. He was scared he might be right.

Lan Zhan often caught Wei Ying looking in his direction, a soft smile on his beautiful face. Embarrassed, Lan Zhan would turn away. His brother said he should smile back. "What's the worst that could happen, Wangji?" But Lan Zhan's courage always failed him. What if he was reading too much into those glanced his way? No. Not yet. Lan Zhan had never experienced such collaborative satisfaction in his work before. He would hold out until the project was signed off on before approaching Wei Ying for that coffee date.

Things didn't quite work out the way Lan Zhan planned.
One Friday afternoon when Lan Zhan was sure everyone else had already left for the weekend, he called his brother from his desk. Xichen was the only one who Lan Zhan had confided his feelings for Wei Ying to, and therefore the only one he could discuss it with.
It had been a particularly trying day. Wei Ying had been everywhere Lan Zhan was. Smiling his sunshine smile, eyes sparkling brighter than usual, laughing often "Lan Zhan! You're so funny!" Almost brushing up against him at every opportunity. That one in particular was driving Lan Zhan insane. He wanted nothing more than to press himself up against Wei Ying, grab his perfect tiny waist and kiss him senseless. The call to his brother was one of desperation.
"I can not do this anymore. I can not stand being around him all day."
"Wangji, calm down."
"Brother, he gets so close. It's driving me crazy. I need to get Wei Ying away from me. It is too much. He is too much. I hate this..."
A sharp intake of breath made Lan Zhan look up, into the eyes of Wei Ying as he stood there. A look so full of hurt on his face, before his expression clouded over and the shutters came down. Before Lan Zhan could say anything, Wei Ying whirled around and was gone.

Wei Ying would not let the tears fall. He wouldn't. He couldn't. Not here. Not while he was still at his place of work. He could feel his eyes brimming full, threatening to spill over at any moment. "Please God, no. Just let me get home first" he thought desperately. He didn't know what exactly he'd done to make Lan Zhan dislike him so strongly. Sure, he knew he could be a bit much at times, and Lan Zhan was such a quiet soul. But he thought they had been getting along just fine. He thought Lan Zhan might have even started to think of him as a friend. Yes Lan Zhan could be a bit cold towards him on occasion, give him the odd sharp look. The rest of the team had assured him that was normal behaviour for Lan Zhan though, to not take it personally. One had even joked if Lan Zhan didn't like somebody, he didn't react to them at all. So the glares meant Wei Ying had been accepted as one of them. Apparently they were wrong.
Why his traitorous heart desired the one person who had nothing but disdain for him was a mystery. A painful one. He had tried to stay away from Lan Zhan. He really had. He was just so impossibly drawn to him. He didn't seem to have any control over it, he just gravitated towards wherever Lan Zhan was without even realising he was doing it. Well. At least now he'd heard it spoken plainly. There wasn't any confusion anymore. Wei Ying was no longer under any illusions of something happening between them. Lan Zhan didn't feel the same. Didn't even like him.
Wei Ying resolved to see this project through, and then they could part ways.

"Wangji? Wangji, are you still there? Is everything OK?"
Xichen's voice pulled Lan Zhan out of his shock. He could have sworn he was alone in the office. Why was Wei Ying still here? How much had Wei Ying heard? It sounded bad out of context like that. What must Wei Ying have thought? Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Wei Ying had heard him. Wei Ying was gone.
"Brother. I have to go."
Lan Zhan dropped his phone. He had to move. Now. Wei Ying had heard him. He couldn't let Wei Ying walk away believing Lan Zhan hated him. He needed to MOVE. He willed his legs to work, breaking into a run through the office, he had to catch up to Wei Ying. He had to explain. Desperately calling out Wei Ying's name, Lan Zhan reached out and grabbed the other man by the arm and spun him around.
He was shocked by the sight that greeted him. Wei Ying was clearly in distress. Without thinking, Lan Zhan reached out with his other hand, his thumb swiping away the tears escaping those soulful eyes. Wei Ying wrenched back, pulling his arm free as he did so, his eyes changing from hurt to furious. Wei Ying let loose, "Look, Lan Zhan. I get it OK? I get it. I get that you hate me. I get that everything about me apparently irritates the hell out of you."
Lan Zhan's panic at Wei Ying's words escalated as he continued. Wei thought he hated him. Wei Ying thought he hated him. Wei Ying thought... He wasn't saying it right, if anything Lan Zhan's attempt to explain were making things worse.
"I'll be out of your hair soon enough and you can pretend I never existed" Wei Ying said, before turning to walk away once more.
"Wei Ying! Wait! Please!"
Lan Zhan felt on the verge of tears himself. How had things gone so horribly wrong?
"Lan Zhan. Stop. Just stop. Please" almost a whisper, a plea. Wei Ying sounded utterly broken. Lan Zhan had to keep trying. He had to make this right.
"Wei Ying. I don't want you out of my hair. I don't want you to switch teams."
"Then what exactly do you want, Lan Zhan? Because honestly I have no fucking clue at this point."
"You" it was out before Lan Zhan could stop it "I want you."
"What??"
"I want you" Lan Zhan repeated.
Wei Ying sighed, shaking his head, eyes cast downward. " Lan Zhan, you hate me. I just heard you."
"I don't hate you, Wei Ying! I could never hate you! I hate the situation."
"The situation?" Wei Ying, clearly confused, finally met Lan Zhan's eyes once more.
"I love you, Wei Ying. I am *in* love with you." It was almost a relief to finally let the words out. Lan Zhan felt a weight lift, but Wei Ying was shaking his head sadly again.
"Lan Zhan, I have been flirting with you for six months. And you've been rejecting me for six months. You are not in love with me." Wei Ying's voice was once again devoid of all emotion, like he was stating facts.
"Yes" Lan Zhan said "I am."
"And you hate that? Is that supposed to make it better? I don't understand what you're saying, Lan Zhan."
Lan Zhan took a deep breath. He hasn't ever been good with words, but Wei Ying is still here, listening. He has to get the words out. "It. Took me a while. To understand. My feelings. What you..... make me feel...I...I was scared. By how strong they are. My feelings. For you. I... I didn't want to ruin our working relationship. Our... friendship."
"You have feelings for me?" For the first time since this nightmare began, Lan Zhan thought he could detect a hopeful note in Wei Ying's voice.
"I do." Lan Zhan maintained eye contact. He needed Wei Ying to believe him.
"You know this isn't the conventional way to convey that, right?"
"I do. I am truly sorry for hurting you, Wei Ying."
They stood there, looking into each others eyes, for what felt like both an eternity and equally no time at all.
Wei Ying broke the silence first "I'm going to need you to prove that" giving Lan Zhan a tentative smile, a hint of his flirtatious tone creeping back into his voice.
Lan Zhan grabbed Wei Ying by the waist, pulling him towards him, and crashed their lips together like he had been dreaming of doing all day. After a brief moment of surprise, Wei Ying started to respond, kissing Lan Zhan back. Lan Zhan was determined to put all his feelings into their kiss, so there could be no room for doubt left in Wei Ying's mind. The way Wei Ying melted into him told him it was working. The small, soft moans Wei Ying began making a confirmation he was getting it right. Lan Zhan had not been prepared for just how good this was. He wanted more. So much more.
The whine that escaped Wei Ying's lips as Lan Zhan finally broke the kiss and pulled away was beyond anything he had imagined. It drove him wild with want. Wei Ying looked wrecked. Just from this, just from a kiss. Imagine what he'd look like if they...
"Come home with me" Lan Zhan couldn't stop himself from asking.
Wei Ying's beautiful eyes fluttered open at his words. "Yes please" his voice soft and breathy.
Lan Zhan was the cause of this. He was the one to have this effect on Wei Ying. He couldn't quite believe his luck. He'd been so stupid. But he would put it right. He would spend every day making it up to Wei Ying. Showing Wei Ying how very loved he was. Because Wei Ying deserved to be adored. Because Wei Ying was his. Because he could have this.
Lan Zhan desperately wanted to kiss Wei Ying again. Now that he knew he was allowed to, he saw no reason to stop himself.