Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

''The view is so nice~ I don't think I've ever been this high up before!'' Oikawa cheered as he stood in front of the glass door leading out onto his balcony. He smudged the newly cleaned glass by pressing his hands against it in awe.

''You're not new to this. You've seen it when you visited with the real estate age, right?'' Kuuro asked, placing the moving box onto the ground with a big thud. ''With all the cartons it looks a lot smaller than before and you'll probably need to re-paint the walls.'' he noted.

''Was this the last box? Sorry for being a burden.'' Oikawa looked at Kuuro apologetically.

''It's fine. If you need any more help, give me a call. You know Kenma and I live near.'' Oikawa looked at the dark-haired one. He had his usual grin on, his hands placed on his hips. ''I'll need to move the car now. Don't push yourself too hard, yeah?''

''I won't!'' Oikawa reassured him and put up a thumb up demonstratively. What was left was just taking out the smaller stuff anyway so he should be fine. ''See you soon.''

Oikawa plopped down onto the floor. The room looked so empty and hollow with all the moving boxes waiting to be opened. His coach should arrive soon as well and instead of a lamp there were cables hanging out the ceiling. He sighed.

''Moving is such a pain.''

He had to leave most of his stuff in Argentina. Some of it was still on his way to Japan. He huffed – who would've thought it was so expensive to ship some boxes from Argentina to Japan? Some clothes, some photo books, some trophies still hadn't arrived while the boxes with his shoes already did. And he was still fighting with the moving service about the two boxes that were lost in traffic, apparently. But who would want to steal his silverware? It wasn't even real silver!

And somehow it smelt like smoke.. wait did his neighbors smoke? He supposed it was okay, they were on the eight floor but still! His futon was still drying out outside. He would need to get it up before the smell stuck. Hopefully his neighbor wasn't some sort of chain-smoker. Oikawa hated the smell of cigarettes or any strong smells really, they made him nauseous. Probably just another side effect..

He lazily got up. His legs felt like noodles after carrying up boxes after boxes. And he wasn't even the one that had to carry all the heavy ones. He would need to thank Kuuro later by buying them drinks, he guessed. As he got up he felt his head spinning. Maybe he should take it slow, he felt sluggish.

He craved sleep, he really did. Was it okay to go to sleep before 8pm? He could make an exception today. The doctors told him to get a lot of rest as well. He needed to eat something as well. Kuuro had left him some onigiri and ramen. Oikawas lips curled into a slight smile as his eyes landed upon the take out bag which was sitting on his window sill. He shouldn't skip dinner a voice in his head scolded him and it disturbingly sounded a lot like Kenma. Another voice reassured him, it's no problem. He was too tired to eat anyway.

He shook his head. He was back in Japan to recover not to end up in hospital again.

''Futon~ Futon~ Futon~'' he chirped as he opened the balcony door. The cold air met his face and he felt good. The air quality was good up here and thanks to the season, it wasn't even cold yet. Maybe he could get some plants up here to decorate the balcony?

Immediately upon setting foot on the balcony Oikawas eyes met familiar ones. Or not so familiar ones.

''Huh?''

A few meters in front of him stood Iwa-chan. Iwaizumi Hajime, his childhood best friend, his ex-boyfriend, his.. neighbor?

With a face of absolute bewilderment they stared at each other. Both couldn't get a word out their mouths. Oikawa didn't know Iwaizumi lived in Tokyo. He also didn't know he smoked. So unexpected! He looked more mature, the roundness in his face gone but his hair stayed the same.

This felt so awkward! If he could just be swallowed up by the ground he would. He considered playing dead or just jumping off the balcony all together! His train of thought suddenly stopped when a strangers hand appeared behind Iwaizumi telling him to come in. Without another word or look Iwaizumi turned around and vanished into his apartment.

There's no way that just happened! What are the odds? Who was that man? His boyfriend? His father? No as much as he knew, his parents still lived in Honshu. Why didn't he say anything? But what could he have said? God, Oikawa just wanted to melt into a puddle and cease existing. Was this kind of situation even possible?

–

During the last year of High School they had a passionate but absolute worst romance. Oikawa loved Iwaizumi so blindly from the time he was born. Iwaizumi was always so sophisticated, so observant, caring and he just exceeded in everything. He was Oikawas light. Some part of their bodies always had to touch somewhere. They were best friends, partners, family.

But as boyfriends issues kept piling up. Oikawa was just too jealous, too demanding, too emotional while Iwaizumi was the opposite. They fought a lot, only made up half the time. None of them ever apologized. Fights would usually end up in heated kisses, rushed intimacy, rough affection. A few days before graduation their fights reached a climax and Iwaizumi quit.

A few days later Oikawa begged him to give them another chance but Iwaizumi rejected him. They grew toxic. After that, they didn't talk. Oikawa left for Argentina and Iwaizumi went his own way.

–

''Huh, so your neighbor is your ex-girlfriend?'' Kuuro asked whilst he munched on the egg in his ramen bowl.

Ex-boyfriend, Oikawa thought. And it was Iwaizumi, who they knew as Aoba Johsais former ace. But it would be too much to explain, too complicated, too hurtful to elaborate on. ''Yeah. Seems like there was another guy in the house as well.''

''Neighbors don't interact barely much anyway. It's better to not get involved.'' Kenma said blankly. Kuuro nodded.

That's right. It's better to not get involved for the sake of both of them. They never really worked. Their connection turned lethal and in the end it burned both of them. They should just ignore each other.

''You could stay friends, maybe?'' Kuuro offered. Oikawa blankly starred down at his hands, the bowl of steaming noodles turning cold in front of him. He felt like throwing up.

No way. His mother has told him that you can't go back to becoming friends with someone you loved. No matter how you look at it, if you saw him this way once you can't just not see him in that light anymore. It's like you can't return a cooked egg into it's raw state anymore.

''You should eat now.'' Kenma reminded him.

''Ah, right. I was planning on it anyways.'' Oikawa replied digging into the food vacantly. He really didn't feel like eating right now. His stomach felt odd. After five years of not seeing Iwa-chan this was way too sudden. It felt like a small part of his scar was ripped open, like it never healed in the first place.

Kuuro got up to put away his and Kenmas dirty dishes. The room was filled with the clashing of the bowls and cutlery Kuuro was washing. Next to him were fighting and grunting sounds playing out of Kenmas Nintendo switch.

Oikawa briefly wondered if he should get one too. He was forced to take a break from modeling anyway, maybe he could distract himself like that when he was at home. He frowned, unfortunately his landlords didn't allow any pets! He really wished for a cat or a small dog but with his move being so sudden he really didn't have much of a choice where to live.

''I'll drive you home now. Do you want to take some of the rest-overs with you?'' Kuuro asked, opening the fridge demonstratively. They still had some pork buns and ramen left but Oikawa shook his head.

''I still have some at home. I'll just get overwhelmed if there's more food than I can eat.''

–

The drive home was silent. Kenma didn't come with them, he despised car rides. Kuuro always played his trashy tech music too loud but Oikawa didn't mind. He was just thankful for the both of them.

After two years of living in Argentina Oikawa injured his ankle and was forced to quit volleyball. But Argentina loved him regardless. After his recovery he was swiftly offered a job as a model. He started modeling smaller jobs until he worked his way up and eventually landed in Argentinas Vogue. When he send his mother the magazine she called him crying. The next time he visited the article was displayed on their living room wall.

Due to the long term effects of his injury he wasn't able to play volleyball professionally anymore. On his second visit to Japan he met up with Hanamaki and Matsukawa who were playing for Japan. They also introduced him to Kuuro and they instantly clicked. Kuuro was something like a best friend to him now. Unfortunately Hanamaki and Matsukawa stayed living in Honshu so they weren't able to help with Oikawas move.

They would've probably been able to warn Oikawa about his new neighbor. He wondered if they were still in contact with Iwaizumi. Probably not, right? Iwaizumi was never great in things like that back then, that possibly hadn't changed.

The ding of the navigator signalized they were there. He thanked Kuuro for driving him home and quickly withdrew into the building. He felt worn out. Moving really was a lot. Thankfully most of his furniture had arrived by now and helpers would help him set them up in a few days. He didn't look forward to it. Frankly, his flat didn't look good right now.

His belongings were everywhere. His futon was messily sprawled out on the floor and there were take out boxes everywhere. Also, so many clothes. Oikawa never realized how many clothes would pile up in a few days. He avoided cleaning up yet, he would do that last second like he always did. God, his mother would die of shock if she could see how Oikawa was living. And he was supposed to get better here. He would start with that once his flat was set up properly.

As he went to press the elevator button for the ninth floor he noticed the presence of another person and of course, who else of his possibly two hundred neighbors could it have been? Iwa-chan. His hair was styled up but it didn't lack the usual spikiness. He just looked more put together. He even wore a suit.

Oikawa got into the elevator before Iwaizumi did and there they stood, awkwardly co-existing in this tiny elevator room. Why did they have to live on the same floor? Also the ninth floor, it was way too far from the first floor. Oikawa was staring down onto the ground nervously.

He flinched as Iwaizumi suddenly broke the cold silence.

''Hey.'' Oikawa looked at him. Iwaizumis eyes were also trained on the slide doors of the elevator. ''How have you been?''

'I miss this.', 'I miss this.' was repeating in Oikawas head like a sick mantra. He felt like dying, why did he still feel this way after five years? He glanced over at Iwaizumi. The habit of pouting his lips when he gets embarrassed hasn't changed since then. God, why did he feel like crying? This was so pathetic.

''You smoke?'' Oikawa blurted out to which Iwaizumi jumped a little. Why did he say that? So embarrassing, so loud! Iwaizumi forced a smile.

''I started in Uni, I wanna quit though.'' he replied. The elevator doors opened. Oikawas eyes opened painfully. ''I probably shouldn't talk to you anymore, huh?'' Iwaizumi added as he exited the elevator.

At the view of Iwaizumis broad shoulders becoming smaller and fading away into the distance, Oikawa couldn't move, couldn't speak. He needed to say something! But his voice didn't come out. Iwa-chan. Before Oikawa could react Iwaizumi was gone and the elevator door closed in front of him again.

–

Iwaizumi avoided him. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were excitedly chatting about their wives as Kindaichi and Kunimi were singing Karaoke whole-heartedly. Only Oikawa was sitting next to them stirring his iced soda more times than necessary. He didn't even like soda, way too much calories. He glanced over at Iwaizumi who was chatting with Watari who just recently got married.

One year ago they had graduated. Oikawa wondered what Iwaizumi has been up to. Probably everyone knew that Oikawa was playing for Argentina. He even flew here for their club reunion. Unfortunately the volleyball court was closed due to the cold seasons so they were stuck in this sticky karaoke room.

The next four club reunions Oikawa couldn't attend to. The second one Oikawa had just torn his ligament and was recovering in hospital. The third year he was too busy building his modeling career, the fourth year he didn't bother and the fifth year he was in hospital after breaking down, again.

Some of them even wrote him cards, wishing him to get well soon and Oikawa appreciated it. It would've been so easy to forget him. They didn't see him in years, well except for Matsukawa and Hanamaki, but still. Everyone was living their own lives, building their careers, getting married, having kids. But they still thought of him. He managed to keep in touch with everyone. Everyone except for Iwaizumi, of course.

But it was better that way. He felt like vomiting.

Chapter Text

''Oikawas room is lit up.'' Iwaizumi noted as he put down the grocery bags on the counter. His tie was getting uncomfortable around his neck and his stomach was longing for the tofu he had bought. He hung his
Suit jacket onto the hanger and sighed. Another day done working.

He wondered why Oikawa was in Tokyo suddenly. He knew that 'Supermodel Oikawa Tooru' was taking a break but he wondered why. Was he injured again? Maybe that's why he moved here since the hospital was a minute walk away from their apartment complex. But he didn't look too bad. Just a lot more skinny, but that came with being a model. He also looked tired but Iwaizumi didn't think more of it. All of them were tired - working was hard.

Peeking out of the balcony door he saw Oikawa hunched over the balcony fence. He was leaning dangerously close, if he slipped he would probably slip and fall of! Panicked Iwaizumi opened the door and yelled at him ''Hey!''

Oikawa looked up startled, one of the earphones slipping out of his ears with the sudden movement upward. Suddenly Iwaizumi felt stupid for his sudden reaction. Oikawa looked at him with wide eyes.

''That's.. dangerous.''

''Uh- y-yeah..'' Oikawa replied bewildered after a few beats of astonished silence.

Oikawa hadn't changed a bit. He was still his reckless, stupid self. Always making Iwaizumi worry for him. Even that hadn't changed. Iwaizumi clicked his tongue and turned around to go back inside when suddenly Oikawas voice called out behind him.

''Uh- wai- Ouch!'' a loud thud and Iwaizumi turned around to Oikawa rubbing his head which had just collided with the partition that separated their balconies. ''Iwa-chan.''

Oikawa looked up at him flushed, puppy eyes and all. Iwaizumis heart skipped a bit at the sound of his old nickname. He sighed. He really was the same. So clumsy and naive. He looked at him so helplessly, so expectantly. Iwaizumi didn't miss him but in this moment, he somehow did. It was probably just out of pity.

''W-What have you been up to?'' Oikawa asked nervously.

''I work at a publishing firm in Tokyo. Why are you here?'' Iwaizumi replied to which Oikawa lit up like some stupid child. It did things to Iwaizumis heart he wished it didn't.

''Oh, I see.. Uh, rehabilitation.'' he said avoiding his eyes awkwardly.

There it was again. Just a few days ago in the elevator Oikawa avoided him as well. They really should keep their distance but somehow it felt impossible. They were just like two magnets constantly attracting each other and then when they get too close, they push each other away. That's not how magnets worked but Iwaizumi felt it was fitting.

He turned around to leave finally when Oikawa shouted after him again.

''What do you want? Just last morning you were outright avoiding me!'' Iwaizumi screamed.

''I wasn't! You just surprised me!!'' Oikawa countered desperately. ''I didn't apologize for what happened before and you were avoiding me at the club reunion so I was scared to see you again.'' he added, this time quieter.

Well, Iwaizumi originally came out to smoke so he took out a cigarette. ''Can I?'' he asked as he got out his lighter.

''Go ahead.''

When half of Iwaizumis cigarette was smoked Oikawa sheepishly asked ''Was the guy from last time your boyfriend?''

''No, not really.'' Iwaizumi replied while he took another hit. The smell felt good on his tongue, made him calm down and forget the awkwardness of the situation. Who would've thought that of all people Oikawa would be the one to move in next to him?

''Oh. Sorry if that was, like, a weird thing to ask.''

''Why are you in rehabilitation?''

''Just things…''

The way Oikawa was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt Iwaizumi knew it was way more than just things but he didn't bother to ask. If Oikawa didn't want to elaborate, he wouldn't push him to. It was none of his business.

''Alright, I'll talk to you sometimes when I feel like it.'' Iwaizumi said as he stubbed his cigarette. His stomach was practically begging him for food. Before Oikawa could answer he closed the balcony door behind him.

Hell, what was he doing? Did he forget what happened before? He should've put a stop to this while he still could.

'All parts of Kantou are clear tomorrow. The highest temperatures are expected to be within..' the sizzle of his tofu made the voice of the news anchor fade away. His flat smelled like fresh food and the TV was showing the map of Tokyo. He would appreciate some lower temperatures, the car rides to work felt like sweltering in hell.

–

The next time they met in front of the elevator Oikawa was the one striking conversation.

''You go out a lot wearing fitness clothes. Do you still play volleyball?'' Oikawa asked curiously as they got into the elevator. They both had grocery bags in both hands and Oikawa wondered what grocery store Iwaizumi shops at.

''I don't play volleyball but I work out in the gym.''

''Ah~ which gym?''

''I won't tell you. If you show up there, I'll kill you.''

''You're still so mean, Iwa-chan!''

''Stop calling me that!''

But calling him Iwaizumi-san would feel weird, Oikawa thought to himself.

When he entered his apartment it gradually felt like home. Most of his furniture was set up now and Kuuro and Kenma even bought him a plant as house warming gift. His cutlery was still stuck in traffic and by now he had given up. He was living off of plastic cutlery right now.

He put down the grocery bags on the table. Lots of Lean Proteins and Healthy Fats his doctors had ordered. He looked at his meal plan. Katsudon today? He could live with that. Or he could just go over to Kuuro and Kenmas for pizza. No, he needed to stay persistent.. but Pizza.

He sat down on his coach and turned on the TV. Should he watch the volleyball match between Japan and Germany or just watch some stupid comedy romance? He fell back onto the couch exaggeratedly. Ahh, he was so bored. He really wanted to work again.

–

He opened his eyes sleepily. He must have fallen asleep on his couch again. He had been skipping dinner for two days in a row now, always dozing off before he could get to cooking or ordering food. If he would eat now he would probably just throw up later.

Ah, the smell of smoke. Was Iwaizumi smoking again? But he was too tired to get up to close the window now. The sports channel was playing showing a match between some local teams. Nothing special, he never heard of any of them. Their Libero was cute though… Oikawa was too sleepy to form another thought before he fell back into dreamless slumber.

–--

''Oi. Ka. Wa. Open up!'' Kuroos voice rang through the door accompanied by constant knocking. Geez, he hadn't even given Oikawa the opportunity to get up. He had just gotten done showering.

''You didn't tell me you were coming over today.'' Oikawa complained but he let Kuroo in regardless.

''Yeah, because you've been hiding in your apartment for days now. If I had asked you, you would've found another excuse.'' he sighed as he put down some bags. ''It smells.''

''So rude!'' Oikawa whined. ''I didn't get the chance to clean for your visit. Stop complaining.'' he pouted.

Kuuro was rustling through the bags. He got some vegetables, some cans of sparkling water, bread, milk, eggs, did he come here on his way from the grocery store?

''How am I supposed to eat all of this before it goes moldy?''

He really appreciated him but Kuroo went overboard sometimes. He felt like he was being babied by him. Sure, Kuroo was just worried about him but still! This was a tad too much. Oikawa sighed.

Chapter Text

''Tooru!'' a female voice called out to him. Ah, Sarah, his manager. He felt his head collide with the ground painfully. ''Tooru, can you hear me?'' was the last think he heard before his world turned black.

In the end the loss of his autonomic regulation of heart and blood vessels caused huge drops in his blood pressure, causing him to faint. It started with random nausea, random loss of his balances during shoots or his increasing tiredness. After fainting he was ordered by management to conduct a physical examination including blood tests.

Oikawa can still remember the days he lay in hospital, the many doctors and nurses that tended to him. The many psychological evaluations he had to undergo. His doctors were always nice to him, handling him with the upmost care. He met some people at the hospital, they were all kind to him.

After hearing about Oikawas mental and physical state his mother called him crying. The last time she cried it was out of joy and pride. Now she was begging him to come home in a time like this. She needed him to be close to her and she probably knew that he needed to be back in Japan too during his recovery.

Sarah was his Argentinian manager. She had to manage everything in Argentina, but still she was nice enough to go out of her way to find a flat and another doctor in Tokyo for him. The final day in Argentina he thanked her for everything and they hugged. Sarah was more than his manager, she was his friend too.

–

They sat on Oikawas balcony till the sun set. Kuroo was profusely typing away at Oikawas laptop. Oikawa was staring down at the busy road.

''How about this? Do you think he would like this?'' Kuroo asked as he turned around the laptop in his lap. Oh, is that why it's called a laptop? Because it sits in your lap? Oikawa looked at the mug. An ugly orange cat printed on it. Under it a 'Kuroo' in red.

''Isn't this supposed to be your anniversary gift? Why is your name on it?'' Oikawa asked confused. He glanced at Iwaizumis balcony. Still no light, he really worked late, huh?

''But it would be weird to print his name, right? Ugh, this is so hard!'' he turned the laptop back around and groaned. ''In the end Kenma will forget our anniversary anyway. He always does.''

''Just get him a new video game.'' Oikawa shrugged. ''Or a cat.''

''No way! In the end I would be the one stuck caring care of it.'' Kuroo wailed.

Eventually Kuroo decided to delay the gift search on another day. Oikawa walked him to the door. As they said their goodbyes, Iwaizumi walked by them. Thankfully Kuroo didn't seem to recognize him or even really notice him. Oikawa sighed and chased him away. ''Kenma is probably already waiting for you!''

–

The smell of smoke.

''You smoke too much.''

''Are you going out with Kuroo-san?''

''Huhhh!?'' Oikawa yelped to which Iwaizumi angrily shushed him.

''Shut up.'' he whisper-yelled. ''You're being a nuisance to the neighbors.''

Ah, right. It was already dark outside. Most of the lights were off already as well.

''No, we're just friends.'' Oikawa mumbled.

Iwaizumi was leaning onto the wall smoking his cigarettes. Something about it just made Oikawas knees feel weak. ''He isn't even my type to begin with.'' Oikawa added.

''I know.'' was Iwaizumis cocky answer. This confident attitude ticked Oikawa off. It was so obvious what he implication was but it annoyed him hearing it out of Iwaizumis mouth.

''Don't get too cocky!'' Oikawa protested. ''I mean your feet smell and you never listen to anyone. You're always irritated for no reason and you're rough during sex.'' Every word out of Oikawas mouth pissed Iwaizumi off. ''It was really hard being Iwa-chans boyfriend!''

''Well, you have a twisted personality yourself, narrow-minded and self-centered. Every time I said to go straight home you wandered off somewhere, you're always up to no good, constantly messing with people. It always irritated me.'' Iwaizumis words stung but he was probably right. They weren't even friends but they already fought. ''But come to think of it, I liked putting up with your antics.''

Oikawas heart skipped a few beats and he felt his blood pulsating through his veins all the way up to his ears. He chuckled lightly.

''Why would you say that now?'' Oikawa mumbled

Five years ago, they rushed their relationship when they decided on different post-High School plans. They couldn't forgive each other for planning to separate. Their desire was like a balloon that kept swelling up and they were constantly fighting over and over, scratching at it until it burst right before graduation.

Although they hurt and chased after each other like that, why? Why did they let go? The times they had with other felt war too invincible. Oikawa slid down onto the floor, hugging his knees to his chest.

''I really wanted us to stay together forever.''

Those words came out of his mouth before he could think. Iwaizumis head peaked around the partition after a few seconds of crushing silence.

''Even though my feet smell and I'm rough during sex?''

He pouted his lips again, like he always did when he was embarrassed. A slight blush was lining his cheeks as he looked down on Oikawa who was still cowering on the floor. He flushed as well at that.

So they were back to it again. Fighting and blowing up at each other and than.. being like this. If Oikawa had the courage he would lean forward to kiss Iwaizumi. Would he even be okay with that? If he just got up and moved a little closer, would Iwa-chan pull away? Would he hate him again? This thing between, was just so fragile.

''We're really idiots.'' Iwaizumi said as he vanished behind the partition and before Oikawa could react Iwaizumi was gone. God, this was so stupid. What were they thinking?

Oikawa didn't get up for another hour. The air was turning cold around him and he felt his legs start shivering. He really got cold easily these days. When he decided to go in he instantly went to bed. He didn't even pack the groceries Kuroo picked up for him away.

Chapter Text

God, Oikawa hadn't felt that anxious in a long time. Another photo shoot with this Salgado guy? He always felt so uncomfortable posing for their magazine. They always criticized his body, his posture, the way his eyes were 'too Japanese' and the way his hair was styled.

He could feel the sandwiches he had last night coming up again and rushed to the bathroom. He felt so terrible. He knelt down in front of the toilet bowl, emptying the contents of his stomach. He really couldn't let this become a habit.

–

Kuroo Tetsuro
' Come grab some drinks with Kenma and me tonight? '

!tooru ≧◡≦!
' i will b there if u pay lol ヾ( ~▽~)ﾂ ♪ '

Kuroo Tetsuro
' Okay :( I'll pick you up at 10 … '

!tooru ≧◡≦!
' yayy ! c u then tehehe!!!!!!! '

Oikawa plopped down onto his bed. He really needed to take this opportunity to get out of the house. Ever since his interaction with Iwaizumi they hadn't seen each other. When there was the smell of smoke Oikawa stayed inside of going out onto the balcony like usual. They didn't run into each other either.

He thought about it a lot. Their connection was still so apparent even after five years. And even after five years they didn't manage to go a week without fighting. Why did he miss him so much when they were like.. this? If Iwaizumi told him to come over, Oikawa would be there instantly. Like a needy dog, so stupid.

Maybe if he went out with Kuroo and Kenma he could meet someone and forget Iwaizumi for a bit. The beef bowl he just ate still felt heavy in his stomach but that was fine. He felt a lot better since Kuroo started visiting him regularly. He really needed to renew his license in Japan and buy a car as well. For now the money he had over from his career in Argentina would suffice until he could start picking modeling up again. It wasn't enough for randomly buying a car though, obviously!

If he had a car he could visit them more often, he felt bad about the amount of gas Kuroo was wasting to get to him or get Oikawa to them. Kenma started visiting a lot more as well and even when Kenma was a quiet person, Oikawa enjoyed his company.

–

''Your pulse and blood pressure have been normalizing again.'' the doctor told Oikawa as he scribbled down something onto his papers. ''I don't think there's the need for another urinalysis thyroid function tests.''

Oikawa just nodded, tapping his feet onto the ground nervously.

''Dr. Kamado will join you shortly and after that you're free to go.''

Ah, he liked her. She was always nice to him. Answering personal questions wasn't as hard with her. She always understood him and he didn't feel judged. He looked down onto the paper he had to fill out.

'Fear of gaining weight.'
(_) uncontrollable
(_) always
(X) sometimes
(_) not often
(_) never

'Feeling guilty after eating.'
…

–

''One margarita, one apple juice and one Sex on the beach.'' Kuroo yelled over the commotion in the club. The bartender smiled at him and got to preparing their drinks.

''Who of you drinks apple juice in a club?'' Oikawa asked perplexed.

''Uh, I actually got it for you. I don't know if you're allowed to drink during recovery.'' Kuroo laughed nervously.

''I'm not an alcohol addict!'' Oikawa yelled and flicked Kuroos forehead. Kenma just sat down next to the bar.

When the bartender placed their drinks in front of them Oikawa switched his apple juice with Kuroos Margarita. The moment Oikawa took a sip of Kuroos cocktail, his face grimaced at the bitter, stinging taste. How did they even think to let the one who always orders white lattes with caramel drizzle and extra sugar drink the Margarita? In the end Oikawa took the apple juice and ordered a coconut kiss.

''Lets go dance!'' Kuroo suggested playfully. They had drank their third round now and Oikawa was starting to feel funny. Kenma was still his same old him while Kuroo was the lightweight of the both of them.

''You go alone.'' Kenma said, motioning with his hand for them to leave.

The dance floor was full of sticky, horny, smelly people but Oikawa loved the moment. They were all just so happy, so free of worries and problems. Kuroo and him danced to the music thoughtlessly. The flashing lights around them enveloped them, playing with angles, shining down onto them. The music was pounding in their eyes in a way they couldn't even think properly. They felt free.

After Kuroos fourth drink Kenma decided it was time to take them home. He was sober enough to drive but looking back on it, it probably still was a bad idea to drive around with two drunk Oikawas and Kuroos. Kuroo was whining in the front seat about how he doesn't want to go home yet and Oikawa was scream-singing alone to the radio.

–

This was a bad idea, it totally was. Such a cliché as well. Showing up at your ex-boyfriends doorstep drunk? Well technically it wasn't so unusual because they were neighbors. Well, if Oikawa wasn't the king in reckless and impulsive behavior, he was now. He could see the light shining under the door slot so Iwaizumi was probably still awake. Even if it was 1 am. Still, Oikawa panicked as he heard Iwaizumis steps approach the door. Shit, he hadn't even thought about what to say! Should he just run away and hide? No, it was too late for that, he would probably just look like an idiot.

''Oikawa, what the hell are you doing here? It's past midnight.'' Iwaizumi groaned. He was in sweats and was wearing a loose shirt and god, he looked so good Oikawa had to swallow.

''I just wanted to borrow some laundry detergent.'' Oikawa lied. And the way Iwaizumis eyebrow twitched irritatedly Oikawa knew that he knew he was lying.

''Are you drunk?''

''What?! No! Of course not, I, uh, just wanted to see you after our last.. conversation.''

''It's way too late for that now.'' Iwaizumi sighed. ''Go to sleep now.'' He went to close the door but instinctively Oikawa put his foot between it so Iwaizumi couldn't close the door.

And before he could think the words just spilled out of his mouth.

''Five years ago, I'm sorry, okay? I really am. I was an idiot, I probably still I am, I- I just miss you so much. Ever since I met you here, here in, uh, Tokyo, I just miss you so much.'' his hands balled up into fists and he felt hot tears run down his face. ''I never really stopped loving you Iwa-chan, I just, it's been so hard and I- I don't know if you hate me or not, but I just, it hurts so much to not be with you, my heart physically hurts, I just miss this. Us.''

They heard a door open up down the hallway and a groan from inside another one. Oh yeah, Oikawa tended to get loud when he got emotional.

''Shut up, you're probably under the influence. Where are your keys?'' Iwaizumi shushed him. Oikawa went to get out his key out of his jacket until he realized he wasn't wearing one. Shit, did he forget it at the club or in Kuroos car? ''C'mon, Oikawa, don't tell me..''

–

''You can sleep here.'' Iwaizumis bedroom was so tidy! It was a bit dull. The walls were painted in a boring gray-blue hue and the bed sheets were white. So boring.

''Where will you sleep, Iwa-chan?''

''On the coach.'' came the reply.

''No, I won't hog your bed! Either I sleep on the coach or we share!''

''We're not doing that. Go to sleep now before I change my mind and kick you out.''

''Alright..'' he pouted.

As he settled into Iwaizumis bed, he felt warm. Lying in his bed felt so good. He missed Iwaizumis scent. It always made him calm down. He remembered back then, after they lost to Karasuno, how Iwaizumi held him in the locker room. It was Iwaizumis warmness and scent that helped him relax. This felt.. almost the same but not quite.

Iwa-chan was so kind for taking him in.. Well, in the end no matter how much Iwa-chan hated him, even he wouldn't be cruel enough to leave Oikawa outside in the cold with no jacket.

Oikawas last thought as he fell asleep was a silent prayer to the gods to not vomit into Iwa-chans bed.

Chapter Text

Kenma
'you left your jacket in our car. tetsuro will bring it to you now.'

Ah, that message was an hour old. The jacket was probably lying in front of his door on hanging on the door knob. He could technically go now. But he didn't want to, he wanted to stay here. But he couldn't.

''Ah, sorry for being a burden, Iwa-chan. Do you want money?'' Oikawa awkwardly bowed.

''Don't mention it. You want breakfast or something?'' Oikawa looked up at this unsurely.

''Are you sure that's okay?''

''Forget I asked, get your sorry ass out of here.''

''Ah, no! I'll stay for breakfast. Thank you so much, Iwa-chan.''

''And quit using that stupid old nickname!''

When Iwaizumi set down the plates in front of them Oikawa didn't complain about the consistence of the egg yolk. He usually preferred it a bit soft-boiled but Iwaizumi would probably kick him out or hit him if he complained.

''So, what have you been up to?'' Iwaizumi asked awkwardly as he shoved the spoon with rice into his mouth.

''Uh, still in recovery. But I'll probably start working with a modeling company soon, because, uh after I tore my ligament in Argentina I picked up modeling.'' Oikawa explained.

''I know. Hanamaki told me.''

''I see.'' Oikawa munched on his pork bun. ''And you, Iwa-chan?''

''I'm an editor at a news company. I edit articles before they get published.''

''Oh.''

''Yeah.''

''Did you sprain your ankle again?''

''Huh? Why would you think that?'' Oikawa exclaimed surprised, spitting a few pieces of rice on the table.

''Because you're her to 'recover' and you walk weirdly.''

''I don't walk weird!'' Oikawa whined dramatically. ''And no, it's nothing physical. Just some.. issues I've been dealing with.''

''Ah, alright.'' Iwaizumi replied, still looking down on his bowl. ''You seem to have a lot of issues.''

''Why would you say that!!'' Oikawa cried. ''After five years you're still so rude to me!''

Iwaizumi didn't reply to that. They sat there, eating in silence, for a while.

''What you said yesterday, uhm, did you mean that?'' Iwaizumi broke the silence sheepishly. He pouted his lip and avoided Oikawas eyes. Oikawas face got red.

''I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it.'' he responded and put a hand over his mouth in embarrassment. He acted like a High School girl confessing her love and technically it was true but he wasn't in High School anymore and he wasn't a girl! Shut up, head!

''I don't know if this is a good idea.'' Iwaizumi stated. ''In High School, we just hurt each other. I know that what we felt was real but while it was genuine love, we just didn't work.''

Oikawas heart beat loudly at the word 'love'. Did they still love each other even now? Even now after five years where they barely knew each other anymore?

''That was five years ago, we changed, didn't we? And I know you can still feel it too.''

''Yeah, doesn't mean we should take the risk. In the end it will blow up in our faces again like it did the day before graduation!''

''I like you enough to take that risk. We are old enough to work on our flaws now, we are mature enough to fix this instead of running away!''

''See? We are already fighting again.'' Iwaizumi sighed.

Oikawa felt frustrated. Iwaizumi was so stubborn. But Oikawa would fight and if, in the end, Iwaizumi still didn't want to be with him, Oikawa would leave him alone. Back then Iwaizumi was his light. Now Oikawa had to endure so much suffering and pain, why should he just give up on this?

''We're not fighting, Iwa-chan. I just, I miss the way you made me feel.''

''I'm not ready to get hurt again just because you want me to ease your wounds, Oikawa.''

''That's not what I meant. I just want to be with you. I want to show you that I changed. And even if you don't love me right now, I can love you enough for the both of us until I convinced you that I'm serious!'' Oikawa was looking at him with puppy eyes and he could feel Iwaizumi get weak.

He knew.

''I don't know, Oikawa.''

''We could start slow. Maybe start with, I don't know.. let me buy you a coffee and we can sit and just catch up?''

They could still feel their connection. Back then it was so strong but regardless, it snapped. Now it felt like clinging onto a tiny thread, if it snapped back then, why wouldn't it now? Iwaizumi sighed.

''Okay.''

–

''A date?!'' Hanamaki exclaimed surprised. ''So you and Hajime are giving it another try?''

Oikawa exhaled into the telephone.

''I practically had to beg him.'' he confessed. ''It was embarrassing but I felt like it was worth it.''

''Ah, the Grand King Oikawa Tooru putting away his pride to beg his childhood love for another chance.'' Matsukawa laughed on the other line.

''Shut up! Am I on speaker? Who is there as well?'' Oikawa demanded.

''Relax, it's just us two.'' Hanamaki answered, ''But if you really want this to work.. start listening to Hajime as well. I think he has a lot to say where there is little to say.''

''What does that even mean..'' Oikawa wailed as he flopped down on his bed again. ''Ah, I'll need to hang up now, though. I'll give you a call in the next few days but I've got to be somewhere now.''

He didn't bother to get out of his sweatpants, he was just meeting Dr. Kamado. He was due with physical examinations for now but he still needed to see her weekly to evaluate his psychological state. She was like a friend to him. He learned she has a child in his age as well and that she keeps a few cats. Oikawa wished he could have cats too but his lease didn't allow it and he couldn't move again.

Also, his mother came to visit soon and she was allergic to cats. Why does everything have to be so difficult?

--

''You're doing well, Tooru. Your relationship to your body image has bettered and so has your relationship and feelings toward food. You can be proud of yourself, you have accomplished a lot.'' Dr. Kamado smiled at him kindly.

Oikawa felt like crying, because she was right, he could be proud of himself. He felt it himself, he didn't need to avoid looking in mirrors anymore and he didn't cringe when he had to look down at his body in the shower. Scales weren't his enemy anymore and he could eat without feeling guilty, mostly. He knew but it felt so refreshing to hear it out of someone-elses mouth.

''Thank you so much.''

''I'll need you to fill out a few papers at home and we'll see each other next Monday.''

–

He really should've brought a backpack or something to carry the documents in. Well, as he stood in front of the elevator waiting for it to arrive at the second floor, he impatiently fumbled with the edges of the paper.

When the door slid open, he stared right into Iwaizumis eyes. The woman next to him squeezed herself through them and only then they realized they hadn't moved.

''Ah, Iwa-chan, you're up so early?''

''People work, Oikawa. Besides it's only 8am. Where were you?'' he asked. He held a briefcase in his right hand and his suit jacket in the other. Iwa-chan looked good in just a shirt.

''Uh, coming from the hospital.'' he chuckled nervously. Weirdly, whenever they bumped into this subject, Iwaizumi dropped it directly.

''Alright. Make sure to not forget.. about tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you outside the complex at-''

''5pm, I know.'' Oikawa finished his sentence for him. ''I won't hold you up any longer, have fun editing!'' he chirped and winked at him playfully.

''Sure. Good bye, Oikawa. And make sure to wear proper pants next time.''

Oikawa looked down on him horrified. How could he have known he would bump into Iwa-chan!? Nobody knew him here, he didn't have to care about anyone seeing him in greasy sweatpants. He hurried up to his apartment abashedly.

–

''Should I wear this,'' Oikawa held up a beige knit sweater. ''or should I wear this?'' he held up a gray hoodie.

''Nah, too casual. Take the first one.'' Kuroo answered.

''He's right.'' Kenma agreed.

''But what if Iwa-chan is dressed casually? I'll look stupid!''

''You'll look more stupid if he is the one dressing up and you're dressed casually!'' Kuroo argued. ''Also, wear those brown pants, they make your ass look good.'' he added.

''Huh!?'' Oikawa shrieked embarrassed.

''You're such a weirdo.'' Kenma mumbled as he tapped away on his phone disinterestedly.

''What Café are you going to by the way?''

''Uh, it's just around the corner. Matchi Café or something. They have good green tea and Iwa-chan loves green tea!''

''Aren't you going to drink a coffee? Why would he order tea.'' Kenma remarked.

''You don't know him!'' Oikawa sulked.

''Yeah, I do. He's the ace you were playing with at Aoba Johsai.''

''Wait what, he is!?'' Kuroo exclaimed surprised.

''You've only just realized now?''

''Show me a picture, maybe I'll remember him!''

–

4:30 pm Oikawa chased them out of his apartment to calm his nerves. Why has he so nervous about all of this anyway? It was just Iwa-chan.

At 4:45 he decided to wait in front of the complex because he would've gone insane pacing around in the small living room of his apartment.

When he exited the building he smelt familiar cigarette smoke. Iwaizumi was already standing there lightening up another cigarette. Usually Oikawa hated the smell of cigarettes, but now he was fine with it.

''Iwa-chan~~!'' he cheered as he walked over to him excitedly.

''Ah, Oikawa. Let me smoke this one up and then we can go, alright?''

''Hmm, sure!''

–

They sat down at the Café and skimmed over the menu.

''I'll probably just get a latte.''

''No extra caramel drizzle?'' Iwaizumi looked up from his menu teasingly.

''You still remember my coffee order from five years ago?''

''You don't?''

Oikawa frowned. ''.. green tea with no sugar.''

''There you go.'' Iwaizumi smiled at him, to which Oikawa smiled back timidly.

This really felt like a date. And it went well.

''How was your time in Argentina?'' Iwaizumi asked after the server set down their coffees in front of them.

''It was nice. The people are.. kind there. Their volleyball team.. is very, uh, competitive but not as demanding as the Japanese team. We worked well as a team, though and we won most matches.''

They looked at each other and Iwaizumi nodded his head time from time when Oikawa talked about his experience or told stories. It was like that back then as well. On their bus rides, at lunch or on their way home, Oikawa was always talking and Iwaizumi was listening. They just worked like that, it hadn't changed.

''And then I came back to Tokyo. My mom actually chose the apartment for me, I would have never guessed that you were my neighbor!'' Oikawa finished.

''I was surprised too. But I can see now that you have changed a lot.''

''You changed too. You're still rude and stubborn and you get angry at me fast but you've matured a lot.''

''You know what, maybe I will take that back.'' Iwaizumi threatened.

''Ahhh, no! I was joking, Iwa-chan!''

''Do you still work out?'' Iwaizumi changed the subject as he looked out of the window. The streets were full of people that went home from work, were walking their dog or just wandering around in groups.

''I'm actually not allowed to yet but after I'm done with all the hospital-related stuff, I'll probably pick it up again. I need to since I need to be fit for modeling, so yeah..''

''Why can't you work out? I thought it wasn't physical.'' Iwaizumi inquired. He looked at Oikawa who was still stirring around in his latte.

''It's not physical. They just don't want me to, yet. I'll explain another time.''

''Sure.''

''Do you still have contact to the people we went with to our High School?''

''Well,''

–

''Thank you for today, it was, uh nice.''

''Yeah, it was nice until you fought me about who pays for the coffee.'' Iwaizumi reminded him bitterly.

They stood in front of the apartment complex. The sun was going down slowly and the building was painted in orange and red hues, warm like the air around them.

Iwaizumi looked so beautiful. His eyes were so mesmerizing, his skin was flawless and he was flushed.

''Can I kiss you?'' Oikawa didn't even plan on saying that out loud but there it was.

''Just do it.'' Iwaizumi replied and not even half a second later their lips met. God, Oikawa had missed this so much. Iwaizumis lips were so soft and he could feel his beard stubble scratch his chin. He smelled so good. Oikawa couldn't even think properly when Iwaizumi took his waist and pulled him in closer. After what felt like an eternity they separated.

''I craved you so much all these years.'' Iwaizumi exclaimed as they pressed their foreheads together. Oikawa didn't even notice but there were warm tears flowing down his face.

''Me too, Iwa-chan. So much.''