Archive of Our Own ^beta

The gold decoration twinkled outside in the starlight as the guests took their seats. The beach was silent tonight- the loudest noise ever emerging being the soft splash of a wave; the blue hue matching the warlock blue tones of Magnus’s suit.

Alec wrung his hands back and forth, his fingers picking at his cuticles. His breathing was ragged as he stood in front of the mirror. His tuxedo was black except for the shadowhunter gold blazer that adorned his shoulders. He had seen the decorations but he couldn't feel that everything here was so much more glamorous than him- the groom he was marrying included.

Sure- Alec had proposed first and he wanted to marry Magnus but this ceremony terrified him. His leg bounced restlessly and he seemed absolutely devoid of any sound around him.

“Alec!” Jace shouted. It was only when his parabatai had snapped him out of his heavy daze did he realise that Isabel was holding his stele for him to take.

“Are you okay Alec? Do you need some water?” Isabel asked, her hand gently resting her brother's shoulder in a comforting manner. He nodded his head gently, not allowing any words to come out in the fear that he may start crying.

The click clacking of Izzy’s heels fading away indicated to Alec that she had left. His face dropped in between his hands again, pushing his hands through his hair before stopping and remembering that it was styled.

“By the Angel,” he mumbled under his breath as he tried to fix his hair.

“How are you holding up?” Jace asked as he straightened out the lapels of Alec’s tux. Alec shook his head, refusing to answer; he was shaking so much that Jace feared that any second right now, Alec may just spontaneously combust.

“I..I, Can't do this Jace. Oh my god, what was I thinking? I can't marry Magnus. He’ll probably leave me at the altar, I’ll be a joke and he’ll be gone-”

“- Alec, I think you need to take a breather. As far as I’m concerned Magnus loves you. He agreed to marry you so surely that counts for something?”

“No, no- He’s immortal. A marriage to me will only last a couple of decades and to him that's only a few seconds- this could be nothing more than a fling for him and then he’d move on and forget about me completely! I’d be one of those rare artefacts that he collects and that builds dust in his study,” Alec poured out, clutching his chest as he hyperventilated. His breathing was heavy and his brow felt sweaty.

Jace, who realised he was no use to Alec in a situation like this, did the only thing he could do and asked for Magnus to be brought.

“Alexander? Darling are you in here?” Magnus’s warm voice flooded Alec’s senses, immediately calming him down. Magnus’s head slipped through the crack in the door as he saw a concerned Jace attempting - the key word being attempting- to comfort a very distressed Alec. They nodded to each other and Jace swiftly made his exit before mouthing to Magnus Make sure he’s okay.

“Magnus?” Alec’s voice sounded strained, as if he had been crying for hours on end.

“Alexander, are you having second thoughts about the wedding? We can always postpone it a couple of-”

“Of what? Days? Years? Decades?”

Magnus frowned. “Alexander, darling, what’s wrong?”

“What's wrong?” Momentarily, his voice seemed lighter only for him to scoff. “What’s wrong is this a terrible idea! How long will this last Magnus? Of course you can postpone the wedding- years. Those are like second to you, our relationship will only feel like a blur and by the time I’m gone, Our wedding rings will just be another momento that sits in your house. Maybe you’ll put it in a nice glass box so that visitors can see one of your conquests- Magnus Bane, the High Warlock Who managed to conquer the heart of a gullible shadowhunter!”

Magnus had no words as he tried to argue with Alec. How was he meant to tell Alec that none of this was true? That the second Alec died, Magnus would lose a piece of himself.

“Alexander… you tried to make yourself immortal and when you realised you couldn't do that…. You tried to make me mortal. How can you not realise that this is just as painful for me as it is for you? I don't care about every relationship I've had- they aren't you. I’ve never been married and you think that I can just throw that away with a scoff and a heartbeat? Do you really think I don't value you?”

“I can’t… I should have listened to them- A shadowhunter and a Warlock, what was I thinking?” Alec got up, pulling at his bowtie, just as Magnus's arm stopped him.

“What you were thinking was that you love me. Alec, this is your life and this is mine. You will die and someday, I will too. I don't want to regret anything and I don't want you to either. This is us, this is our story. I’m not ashamed of loving you and I hope you aren't either. Tell me Alexander, have you seen how much I care for the items I posses-”

“- You put them away! You hide them in boxes! They’re stashed away like secrets. They hide from your sight! You never see them. They are the painful memories you refuse to re-live! I don't want to become one of those!”

“It’s too late now anyway!” Magnus snapped back and perhaps, there was a look of horror and curiosity on Alec’s face. “Alexander, please understand- This, us- it’s not just some fantasy. It's not a love story. You are not a love story to me.”

Alec’s voice was trembling as he opened his mouth to ask. “ Then what am I?”

“You, my dear, are my life story.”

Alec shook his head. “ I’m afraid that considering your immortality….I am only a fraction of that…. And it’s not enough.”