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What do you want me to say (when I can't tell you the truth?)

Summary:

Lilith was seventeen years old when she cursed her sister.

They were meant to compete for the final place in the Emperor’s Coven. It had broken her heart. She wanted to be in the coven together.

OR how Lilith went from cursing her sister, to starting a rebellion against Emperor Belos with her

Notes:

the title is from the song 'death cup' by mom jeans

hello and welcome back my lovelies!!!

i told you there would be backstory, so here is backstory

i wrote this very quickly, and am too tired to edit it properly. it's late. forgive me

anyway! thank you for all the love, and i hope you enjoy

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Lilith was seventeen years old when she cursed her sister.

 

They were meant to compete for the final place in the Emperor’s Coven. It had broken her heart. She wanted to be in the coven together . Edalyn was so talented, and she deserved the place more than ever. But she had to get in. It had been her dream since she was old enough to dream. She wanted to be someone, do something. She didn’t want to be the weird kid anymore, the kid who’s little sister stuck up for her.

 

The Emperor had said to be great you had to make sacrifices. So she went to the night market and picked up a spell that would take away her magic. It had said it would only work for a day. She didn’t realise how wrong that would be.

 

Lilith felt the guilt rising as she walked to school with Eda that day. Eda was jumping around, chattering about something or other.

 

“Cheer up, sis! I can hear you thinking!”

 

Lilith rolled her eyes. “I’m surprised you know what that sounds like, given how much you’ve skipped.”

 

Eda stuck her tongue out at her. “Rude! Anyway, it doesn’t really matter. The one-track system is bad, and I learn far more on the job.”

 

Lilith ignored her. Eda went and walked next to her, elbowing her. “Why are you so stressed? Is this about the Emperor’s Coven? You’ll definitely get in!”

 

Lilith raised her eyebrows. “Edalyn, how are you so sure about this? I’m the one fighting you.”

 

Eda skipped ahead. “I just know.”

 

Eda walked away from the fight. And Lilith had cursed her.

 

She’d cursed her.

 

And now she had to watch her become an demon, and owl demon, because of her stupid, selfish, uncaring choices.

 

Emperor Belos said you had to make sacrifices to be great. But as she stood there, cheers filling the air, she wondered if he possibly knew the sacrifice she made. How anything could be worth this sacrifice?

 




Lilith had been in the Emperor’s Coven one day before she snuck out to visit her sister. She couldn’t stay away from Eda. The guilt was choking her, and she missed her.

 

The coven was different from what she expected. They couldn’t leave without permission unless you were high up in the coven. They had limited contact outside. Everything was structured. Lilith desperately missed her family. She tried to suppress it - after all, she wasn’t a child anymore, and should be over homesickness. But, as she rationalised to herself, Edalyn was fifteen, still a child, and so she had to visit her. It was what a good older sister would do.

 

She hid in a group of guards to get across the bridge, and made her way to the house. She scaled up the wall to Eda’s room - they’d done it so much as kids, escaping punishment and going on adventures - and jumped through her window.

 

Eda jumped a foot in the air, almost tumbling off the bed where she was sitting. “Titan, Lily! I thought I was going to be murdered!”

 

Lilith came and sat down on the bed. “Sorry, Edalyn. I would have called ahead, but- don’t worry. How are you? I’m sorry I didn’t run after you yesterday.”

 

Eda waved her hand dismissively. “It’s fine. I’m just angry about that idiot who cursed me. Like hello? What were they thinking?”

 

Lilith shifted uncomfortably. She should tell her. “Yeah, that person is awful. What are you going to do about it?”

 

“I don’t know. Hey! You’re in the EC! Why don’t you use your access to everything to find them?”

 

“Sure, Edalyn,” Lilith pushed down her anxiety. “I would do anything for you.”

 

“Awww, cute! Now, you’ll never guess what Raine did at school today…”

 




Lilith was twenty when she told Eda the truth about cursing her.

 

They’d fallen into a nice routine. Lilith would come to visit about once a week, Eda would try to convert her to her anarchy-forever-fight-the-coven-system malarkey, and then she’d leave and go back ‘home’. It wasn’t her home. It was her prison.

 

Well, it was a strange sort of prison. She got the best she could have, and was rising nicely through the ranks. People even whispered that she’d become the youngest coven leader. But she couldn’t make her own choices. She was constantly under observation. Hell, even her Mother wasn't as bad as them about getting on at her about flapping her hands. Didn’t they realise how much it made her feel better?

 

She loved the time she spent with Eda. They were as close as ever, and she even felt at home in Eda’s weird house, affectionately named the ‘Owl House’. That bird tube was strange, but she could deal with that. It was her only home, given that their Mother never visited her.

 

It was one of her days when she visited. Eda was bugging her about the coven leader rumours, and they sat comfortably together, enjoying the sound of boiling rain drumming on the protective shield.

 

“So, you’re gonna be the coven leader, huh? Don’t forget me when you’re a big shot.”

 

“As if I could forget your annoying voice. It haunts my nightmares.”

 

“Oh haha, very funny,” Eda poked her. They fell into a comfortable silence, and Lilith almost forgot the churning guilt in her stomach. Almost.

 

“What happens when you lead a coven, anyway?”

 

Lilith thought about this. “Well, you run the coven, obviously. You distribute the funding, get access to every source of material on the Isles - bar the ones only Belos has. It’s the highest position under Belos.”

 

Eda whistled. “Woah. Hey, maybe we can find out more about my curse! I know you hit a dead end, but maybe there’ll be something.”

 

Lilith sighed. “I hope so, too. I want you to get better.”

 

Eda shrugged. “Ah well. At the end of the day, I have my elixir system. That does the job.”

 

“I know, I know. I just feel so guilty.”

 

Eda frowned. “Why do you feel guilty?”

 

Oh Titan. That was stupid. Should she just say the truth?

 

“Just because I can’t do anything.”

 

Eda grabbed her ace in her hands. “Lily. It wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t feel bad. You’ve been the most supportive person since this mess happened.”

 

Lilith turned her head away. Her baby sister was eighteen. Far too young to have this weight on her shoulders. She was the worst sister.

 

She had to tell her.

 

“Hey, Edalyn, can I tell you something?”

 

Eda looked at her in concern. “Yeah. What’s wrong? Oh, it better not be you’re pregnant. I’m not babysitting. I am so bad with kids.”

 

“What? No, Edalyn, I’m not pregnant!”

 

“Oh, good. I really don’t want kids. And I’ve never seen EC members with kids. Do they have kids?”

 

“Eda, focus!” Lilith burst out. Eda looked upset. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“Look, it’s just - I’m sorry I never told you this. It’s just- I was the one who cursed you. I just wanted to get into the Emperor’s Coven so badly, and you are so talented, Eda. I’m sorry. I was selfish.”

 

Eda looked as if she was going to cry. She clenched her hands into fists. “Lily? This is a joke, right?”

 

Lilith could feel herself crying. “No. It’s not. I’m so sorry, Eda.” She reached out towards her, to comfort her, but Eda smacked her hands away.

 

“Don’t touch me! You- you lied to me?”

 

“Yes,” Lilith said, voice thick with tears. “I’m so sorry-”

 

Eda stood up, slamming her hand into the sofa. “Stop saying you’re sorry! That doesn’t change anything! You lied to me! You cursed me and then lied for years! I thought you were the only family I really had left!”

 

“I have been trying to reverse it, Edalyn. I promise I will-”

 

“Don’t promise me anything!” Eda was yelling now, and Lilith fought the urge to cover her ears. “I hate you! I hate you! Get out of my house! I never want to see you again!”

 

Lilith walked to the door. She deserved this. At least Eda hadn’t killed her.

 

She turned before she left. “I truly am sorry, Edalyn.”

 

Eda’s voice was muffled, marred with tears. “I thought there was someone who still loved me. I guess there isn’t.”

 

When Lilith got back to the coven, she didn’t heal her burns from running through the rain. She deserved this.

 




Lilith was thirty years old when she next saw Eda.

 

True to the rumours, she’d easily become the youngest coven leader. It was soon after she last saw Eda. She didn’t care when they announced it. She was burning with pain. What was the point of power, when you didn’t have the power to change the past?

 

The one good thing about being coven leader is she could control what she did. So, she rarely went outside. She avoided spots where she knew Eda would be. Eda had said she never wanted to see her again. She would honour that.

 

She continued to research the curse. But, weirdly, Lilith could find no information on it. There had to be something - the curse definitely existed - yet she found nothing. It was almost suspicious.

 

Still, the longer she spent in the coven, the more disillusioned she got. Belos seemed to only long for control. She didn’t know why. Why was he the only one who could hear from the Titan? Why were his punishments so harsh, and so painful? Eda didn’t do much harm, and yet was pursued. None of it made sense, in all honesty.

 

It was a rainy night when something snapped. She’d been up late, desperately trying to complete all the work she hadn’t been able to finish that day. She wasn’t making that mistake again.

 

She was missing Eda. That wasn’t unusual, but today it seemed to sting even more. She was alone. She hadn’t had friends in years - everyone feared her. She just wanted her sister.

 

What was stopping her?

 

There was only one person with more power than her. And what would he be doing at three in the morning.

 

To hell with it.

 

Lilith crept out of the castle, taking the achingly familiar route to the Owl House. She took a deep breath, before pressing through the shield, protecting the house from the boiling rain. At least she’d bothered to shield herself from the rain this time. Those scars never faded.

 

She knocked on the door as loudly as she could. Hooty jerked awake.

 

“Heyyyyyy Lulu! What are you doing here? I haven’t seen you in aaaages!”

 

Lilith shushed him. There were footsteps coming towards the door.

 

Eda swung open the door, and stared in shock.

 

“Eda, I’m so sorry, I-”

 

Eda shoved her backwards, into the boiling rain. Lilith fell over, the hot rain burning her skin. She let it.

 

“Lilith! Why are you back here? I told you to never come here again!”

 

“I know I messed up. I’m sorry - just let me make it up to you.”

 

Eda scoffed. “I should just fight you right here!” She drew a circle in the air.

 

Lilith closed her eyes. She didn’t even raise her hands in protection. She didn’t care anymore.

 

Nothing hit her. She opened her eyes.

 

“Lily… I just don’t get it. You lie to me, then vanish for ten years, and now you’re back? And you don’t fight back?”

 

Lilith sighed. “Edalyn, when I cursed you… it was the worst mistake of my life. It was only meant to last a few hours. I have spent years searching, and I can’t even find anything on the curse's existence, let alone any information on it. You told me to never see you again. I honoured that. I miss you. I love you. You are the best person I know. I want to have that again. If you decide you rather I was dead, I’m fine with that. I am so sorry.”

 

Lilith heard Eda sit down on the floor. She looked up at her.

 

“You don’t need to forgive me. I’m not asking that. I’m just saying I am sorry, and that I will never stop caring about you. You’re my sister.”

 

Eda was silent. Lilith listened to the sound of the rain drumming on the shield, of the feeling of boiling water pouring down her.

 

“Lily, I-” Eda’s voice was the softest she’d ever heard it. “I don’t think I can forgive you just yet. But… I want you to be in my life. Is that okay?”

 

Happy tears poured down her face. “It’s the best.”

 

Eda stood up, pulling Lilith up after her. “Let’s get inside. Oh Titan, Lily, you’re so burned. What are you doing up at this hour, anyway?”

 

“Work.”

 

Eda laughed, her snorty, familiar laugh. “Of course.”

 

Later, Eda poked her, as they sat next to each other on her sofa. “Where did you get all those scars from?”

 

Lilith looked down at her exposed arms. She’d borrowed some of Eda’s spare clothes, as hers were spectacularly burned. “Oh. Well, those are from when I told you I cursed you. See, boiling rain.”

 

“You didn’t shield yourself?!” Eda asked incredulously. “Or heal them, by the looks of it! Lily!”

 

“I wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind. Anyway!” she diverted. “Those are from being in the EC. You don’t mess up there, that’s for sure.”

 

Eda poked at the slash marks. “Lily, you do realise that’s abuse. What did he do to you?”

 

She looked away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

Eda pressed on. “You need to get out! You can’t stay there!”

 

“I want to get out, Edalyn. Trust me. It’s all levels of messed up.”

 

“Then leave!”

 

“It’s not as easy as that. But I have a better plan.”

 

“Which is what?”

 

Lilith took a deep breath. “Let’s start a rebellion.”

 

“What!”

 

Lilith explained. “You hate the coven system. I hate the coven system. It messes up everything in this world. Therefore, I should stay in the coven, and work from the inside, gathering intel. You can gather people to join. We could take them down!”

 

Eda looked at her sceptically. “You want to start a rebellion? Am I dreaming? It’s like four in the morning Lily.”

 

Lily clutched her hands tightly. “I may be filled with hubris and sleep deprivation right now. But I’m completely serious. Think about it! We could take down the government! Remember when we were little, and Mum would tell us stories of growing up, of practicing whatever she wanted? You do that! But if we decriminalised it… he’s manipulating us by saying he can talk to the Titan. But why would a Titan who gave us magic, take it away? Control it? It doesn’t make sense!”

 

Lilith had started pacing, explaining frantically. She was so confused, but she was sure of one thing - that the Emperor’s Coven was wrong.

 

Eda’s face broke into a smile. “Sure. Let’s do it.”

 

Lilith looked up. “Seriously?”

 

“Sure. I’m always for sticking it to the Emperor. I have a few contacts who might be useful.”

 

Lilith ran over to Eda, squeezing her. “Yes yes yes!”

 

Eda moaned at her, but hugged back. “Ugh, you are so embarrassing.”

 

“Wait!” Lilith pulled back. “At least let me do this. I should have done it a long time ago.”

 

She pressed their foreheads together. “With this spell declared, let the pain be shared.”

 

A beam of light shot into the air, and they were raised up. Lilith felt tingly all over, almost painfully, as the curse was split between the two.

 

They were set down on the floor, looking at each other. They looked… exactly the same.

 

“Lily, as much as I appreciate you doing this, do you know how this will affect you? Is this a good idea?”

 

“I don’t know,” Lilith said. “But we can work it out. Together.”

 




Lilith was forty years old when she finally left the Emperor’s Coven.

 

She’d spent ten years splitting her time between running a coven and co-running a rebellion. It had been scary, and amazing. There’d been some close calls - Kikimora had been out to get her for years. But it went very successfully. They’d thwarted many plans, and never got caught.

 

That is, until yesterday.

 

Lilith had mentoring with Amity that afternoon. So she had a slow morning, getting on with paperwork. That is, until she’d heard of a meeting going on. It was with Belos, with the heads of covens - bar her. That was weird. What didn’t he want her to know? Had he caught onto her? She didn’t think she’d been caught. She’d acted the same - the only difference was one of her eyes had faded to grey, and she had a grey streak running through her hair. If they looked closely, her magic was slowly fading. But that wasn’t suspicious - was it?

 

There was a chance he knew about the curse. But there were no texts, no evidence of it. Unless he had taken all the information. Whatever the case, it was starting to look bad for her.

 

But whatever, she had to go to this meeting. She needed to for the rebellion.

 

So she hid Ravenna in her pocket, and headed across the castle.

 

The one pro of being coven leader , Lilith thought, is that no one questioned you .

 

She snuck into the throne room, and watched over the meeting.

 

It was nothing super important, in the end. Belos wanted all wild witches hunted, and for the coven leaders to tighten their grip. More people were messing with more than one branch of magic, and he wanted it stopped. Lilith made a mental note to warn Eda about that - most of their fellow rebels were in covens.

 

The others left, and Lilith made her way to sneak back out.

 

“Lilith, I know you’re there.”

 

The familiar, charismatic voice of Emperor Belos echoed through the room. Lilith froze.

 

“I’m sorry, I thought it was empty, I needed to-”

 

“Enough excuses Lilith. I don’t have time to deal with you. Be here tomorrow.”

 

Lilith felt the blood in her veins freeze. Well. Time to get her things in order.

 

She went to visit Eda after finishing Amity’s lesson, partially to warn her, partially because she was scared for tomorrow.

 

“Edalyn! I have news!”

 

Eda jumped from where she was standing on the roof. “What? Is it important? I’m kinda busy trying to expand the house again!”

 

Lilith sighed. “Partially. They’re cracking down on covens, so you need to warn people in covens.”

 

“Is that it? I am busy.”

 

Lilith sighed. “Yes, I guess so. In other news, I’m probably going to be killed tomorrow.”

 

Eda spun around. “Hold the phone. Seriously?”

 

“Belos caught me. I think he’s been onto me for a while. I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Fight him, obviously.”

 

“Eda, we’re both losing our magic!” Lilith said exasperatedly. “I couldn’t fight the most powerful witch on the Isles and get out alive!”

 

Eda snorted. “That poor excuse for a man doesn’t hold a candle to you. Look, get your stuff and get it to me tonight. Send it with Ravenna or something. If you can fight him on the bridge, you can escape.”

 

Lilith nodded. “That’s a good idea. You’ll be okay with me staying here? We won’t get any information as easily.”

 

“That can be worked around to get information. I’m more worried that you’ll get hurt, idiot! Anyway, I need a second pair of hands looking after King.”

 

“Remind me how you found him again?”

 

The next day, Lilith made her way to the throne room, Ravenna hidden under her hair. Belos didn’t like palismans, but Ravenna stored power. And Lilith needed all the help she could get.

 

She bowed before Belos. “You wanted to see me?”

 

“Stand up Lilith, we have no time for false formalities.” She rose, trying to steel herself. “I know you lead the rebellion with your sister. You’re going to give me that information.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

Belos sighed, using his strange teleportation to come closer. “Come on, Lily,” he spoke, cold humour resonating through his voice. Lilith wanted to scream. How dare he use that nickname! “Just tell me. Then, only you will get hurt.”

 

“Oh, yay, what a great thing for me,” Lilith retorted, sarcasm oozing through her voice. She slowly walked towards the end of the room, trying to lead him outside.

 

“Clearly you’ve been spending too much time with Eda the Owl Lady, you’re being sarcastic.” He hit out of her, slashing open her cheek. She hissed in pain, back pressing against the doors. Good.

 

“At least I don’t have a random kid running around.” She could sense his surprise. “Yes, I know there’s a kid here. What are you doing to him?” She walked out the doors, him following. He’d taken her bait. She just needed to get out.

 

“And what of him? He’s twelve, that’s old enough-”

 

“He’s a child! I’ve seen him for four years now! Surely you can’t be that immoral!”

 

Belos slashed her again. She gritted her teeth. “You talk to me of morality, as if I don’t hear from the Titan. Surely I know the ultimate morality? Why would you not trust I, the only one of you who can hear from the Titan. I do his will.”

 

They were almost at the gate. “Why would the Titan control the magic he gifted? Why has he talked to no one else in the past? Magic is a gift. It can’t be controlled!”

 

“Spoken like a true rebel.”

 

Lilith pushed the doors open, and Belos snarled. “Leading me outside. How clever of you.”

 

Lilith summoned Ravenna, holding her staff. “Thank you. And let me tell you, I am a rebel. And I will not stop until this is all gone. That, I promise you.”

 

“Then you’re all the more the fool.”

 

Lilith summoned a shield just in time. Belos sent a blast swirling towards her, red and angry. She summoned fire, throwing at him. She had been right, this was a losing battle. Already, she could feel her power fading.

 

“Growing tired already? Why not give up? That’s a much easier course of action.”

 

Lilith gritted her teeth. “I would rather die!”

 

“That can be arranged.”

 

On and on they fought, Lilith barely staying afloat. He was good , and Lilith was progressively losing power.

 

“The curse getting to you, Lily?” She gaped at him, and he laughed, cold from under his mask. “Yes, I know all about your little curse. You know, I may have healed your sister if you’d just come to me. Still, your loss.”

 

Lilith felt her power wane. Now or never.

 

She compiled all her power, amassing it for a huge strike. She dodged a blast from him, smiling. “Tell the Titan I said hi.”

 

She struck him with fire that burned and ravaged him, unyielding and bright. He was blasted backwards, a horn breaking off his mask. Lilith sat on Ravenna, and flew off as fast as she could, desperately trying to stay conscious. The fire raged on, engulfing him, never going out like greek fire.

 

She collapsed on Eda’s doorstep, blackness filling her vision.

 

When Eda moaned at her the next day, because she had a higher price on her head than her, she could barely stop laughing.

 

She was home.

Notes:

i sobbed writing the section when lilith was 20

anyway, i hope you enjoyed this! of course i had to mention hunter, cause i would kill for that kid

hopefully the next part of this au will be up soon. it's probably going to be something soft, to do with the blight kids settling in. it was going to be the season 1 finale sequence, but after planning it out it's going to be VERY long. so that'll take time

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thank you for reading! sending love <33

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