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His lungs burned. Whether it was from the smoke and ash hanging in the air or how hard he was pushing his body, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that in this moment, he couldn’t lose sight of the fiery red blur of her running ahead of him. He had to reach her before she made it to the beam. There was no way in the name of the Spirits he was going to let her run through that damned thing without him. He always had her six; was always there to protect her, and nothing was going to stop him now. Not after everything they’d been through.
Garrus pumped his legs as fast as they would take him, ignoring the carnage being ravaged around them. The gleaming blue glow from the beam was nearly enough to blind him.
The loud mechanical bellow echoed through the sky as the Reaper’s beam shook the ground beneath their feet, causing her to stumble. His heart nearly tumbled out of his carapace after her. He was so close… just a few more strides and he could-
Suddenly, a Mako that had been driving alongside them exploded in a hot flash of red and white. He couldn’t help the yelp of her name that escaped his lips, watching as she slid onto the ground before the heavy vehicle rolled. His mind flushed with panic as a cloud of smoke and dirt exploded around her, causing him to lose sight.
Garrus's subvocals rang out in panic, thrumming in his chest violently as he briefly lost focus.
“Shepard!”
Where was she?
“Addi!”
Another explosion rang out in front of them, and before he could realize what was happening, the large shadow of another tank lurching toward his position made him slide to a stop. Fuck.
He only had a moment to throw his lumbering body in a dive to the ground at his left. The sickening crack of metal and bone reached his ears before the pain reached his mind, the Mako bouncing onto the ground on top of his leg. It seemed as if time slowed, the tank tipping back and away from him, allowing just enough room for him to slide his maimed leg out from under it.
No. No. This was not happening. His loss of focus had cost him. Garrus’s mind raced as he grit his teeth together, pulling his mandibles in tight to his face. He had to be able to make it to the beam. He had to follow her.
James was only mere feet from him, but where was she? There was too much to do--too much relying on them. His breathing hitched in his throat as he attempted to crawl towards the closest cover he could find, chest rumbling in frustration and anxiety. His eyes flitted around the area wildly before landing on the last place he had seen her.
Where was she?
A small figure was suddenly illuminated by the chaos of fire and red particle beams behind her as she bound over the toppled Mako, looking like an avenging angel ready to claim him. A breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding escaped him in a hiss.
“Shepard!”
Determination and panic lit up her eyes was as she moved towards her them, briefly checking on the human krogan who had started collecting himself near them. Spirits, he really was as tough as one, wasn’t he?
Disoriented as he was, Garrus attempted to stand as she reached him, but she was having none of that. Their backs smacked against the dented door of the flipped Mako a moment later as she helped him to cover and his icy blue eyes quickly met the oceans of green within hers. He watched as her eyes glazed with an emotion he couldn’t quite place. It made his chest ache.
“Normandy, do you copy?” Any other time, he would have reveled in the lilt of her melodic voice, but this time it broke as it came out gruff and raw.
“Joker, we need an emergency evac now!” Her eyes never left his and he felt his guts clench. The adrenaline was blocking the pain from the broken bone in his leg well enough, but this…
“Shepard.”
Shepard’s eyes finally left his as she ignored his quiet protest. Joker's voice broke over their comms, announcing the arrival of the Normandy. His thoughts drifted away with the gust of wind announcing the arrival of the ship. She pulled him quickly to his feet as James took his other arm, helping to take the tension off the leg. Spirits, that was going to hurt later.
“Come on, Garrus!” He pushed forward at her command, silently cursing the innate Turian instinct he held for obeying his superior officer’s orders. He looked up into the open Cargo Bay, seeing Kaidan reaching out to them. Garrus couldn’t help but remove his arm from the trembling Vega’s shoulders and reach to the greeting hand above. A thought resolved itself as he gripped onto Kaidan. If he was going to be ordered to retreat, then she was by all means coming with him.
“Addi.” His voice came out through clenched jaw and grinding teeth.
The sound of Shepard’s voice came softer and pained now, making his heart stumble in his chest.
No.
“Here, take him…”
Addi was quick to hand him off, but he forcibly stopped in his tracks, whipping around to look at her again. Garrus was just quick enough to grab her wrist and stop her retreating form. His growling subvocals nearly drowned out his flanging, hoarse voice.
“Shepard.”
There was a commanding shake in her voice as she took a step towards him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Nothing reached her eyes but resolution, and it scared him more than anything. “You’ve got to get out of here.”
“And you’ve got to be kidding me, Addi. I’m not going an--”
“Don’t argue with me, Garrus,” she cut him off sharply and he felt the feeling start to drain from his legs and lower half.
Her red brows furrowed deeply and he desperately wanted to reach up and use his finger to erase the consternation held in the crease between them, but he knew he couldn’t let go of her wrist. His grip instinctively tightened as his eyes flitted between hers.
No.
“We are in this ‘til the end, Shepard. You and me. Together.” His voice was becoming more ragged by the second as he tried to ignore the lump rising in his throat. “I’m always right behind you.”
The glass in her eyes began to spill over and he watched as silver tears cut rivers down her dirt stained cheeks, her voice coming out choked. It was at this moment, he knew he had won the battle, but lost the war. “Garrus…”
“Shepard, you promised…” He was completely numb, but for the heat of her wrist still wrapped in his talons. “You can’t leave me. Not again.”
“Commander, we’ve got to go!” Blast that damn pilot.
His voice came out in a whisper he knew only she would hear, and he watched his mate take a step towards him, closing the distance. The metals of their armor made a soft clanking sound as they met, sounding much louder than it should have.
“You promised.”
“Garrus, no matter what happens here…” No. The flashing colors in the carnage around them began to fade to grey, the only colors in sight being those pained green eyes of hers and that fiery red hair, wisping across her face. The tears cutting through the grime on her face did not slow. “You know I will always love you. Always.”
This was it.
The arm grasping hers went slack, his talons barely holding onto her tiny wrist. The sounds of the war around them went silent as his senses honed in on her quaking voice, committing it into memory; searing it into his heart. “Shepard, I…”
His own voice seemed distant and foreign. Spirits be damned, there was no convincing her of anything she had set her mind to, was there? He swallowed down the lump, but the keening of sorrow and desperation was not something he could quash--he knew in that moment he would never be able to silence it. Garrus lost himself in the endless fields of her eyes as his brain cruelly flashed memories to the forefront of his thoughts.
The first time he had ever seen her, she had looked so fierce to him--so much anger contained in such a small body. She had bright red hair like a flame, and her green eyes swam like nebulas with confidence and space dust, the darker spots on her face reflecting the constellations within them. Freckles, she had told him they were called.
The night of sparring that had occurred after a few too many shared drinks, before their final push to Ilos. His face had been drawn so close to hers in their battle of wills and bodies, irises rippling like the green oceans of Palaven. He’d almost kissed her then. He wished he would have.
The light that had shown in recognition and joy he had seen after dropping his helmet to the floor in the apartment on Omega, convinced he was seeing nothing but a ghost or hallucination in his final exhausted moments. Thank the Spirits his doubts had only lasted for a few moments before she had moved to him in a flash, nearly knocking his drained body over as she yelped his name and wrapped her arms around him in a desperate embrace. It had taken him a few moments, but as soon as the earthy, soft fragrance that was purely her had reached his senses, he pushed his face into those fiery locks.
The brief flashes of sparkling green he remembered in the moments he grasped for life after being hit by the rocket, her wailing cries of his name keeping him fighting.
The first night he had ever kissed her, in his own way, at least. He’d seen an emotion glimmer in her eyes that he’d never seen before, though he knew what it was. He hadn’t been able to help himself as instincts kicked in and he bumped his forehead to her own affectionately.
The first time they made love and the way her eyes gleamed with a need for him he’d never experienced, never leaving his as she let his calloused fingers wander the soft curves of her waist and hips.
The first time she had declared her love for him, the uncertainty that had filled those beautiful eyes erased by the simplest flicker of his mandibles when he couldn’t help but smile at her words. He knew he loved her then, but his throat hadn’t let the words escape.
Shepard broke through the haze of memories as he felt her hand caress the scarred side of his face, searing his skin wherever she touched.
“Addi, I love you, too.” He hadn’t even realized that she had moved--hadn’t felt her raise the arm he was still loosely grasping at. The soft touch of her pillowy lips against his own harsher plates broke what was left of him before she slipped backwards down the ramp and finally out of his grasp.
It was time. He needed to let her go. His hand remained outstretched, grasping at the now empty air in front of him.
Garrus, the shell of a broken man that she had spent years putting together, watched helplessly as she turned, gazing at the ominously looming Reaper that had been guarding the only access they had to the Citadel. When she turned back to him, he noted that her tears still hadn’t stopped. Her voice cracked as she violently motioned for them to leave. A look of pure determination had molded her face into Palavenian steel. “GO!”
He knew it was useless. He knew he shouldn’t. But in a last ditch attempt, he let go, letting his instincts kick in as he screamed after his mate, a monstrous growl ripping through his chest.
“Shepard!”
He still couldn’t hear anything but her voice, still couldn’t see anything but her in front of him. Garrus’s body, weakened from exhaustion, was unable to pull from the grasp of the human krogan and the glowing biotic as he attempted his fight forward.
His subvocals called out to her as he watched Shepard--his Shepard--turn on her heel and launch herself in a dead sprint towards the beam.
Please.
Please…
He knew words weren’t coming from him at his point, merely roars of pain and deafening keens as he watched the last trace of color he could see of her fiery hair disappear behind the closing cargo doors of the Normandy.