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Jiang Cheng’s hand paused on the dental clinic door. This had to be his least favourite place on earth—just being here filled him with dread, even though he wasn’t even a patient today. He had promised Wei Wuxian he would pick him up after his appointment. He had gone under general anesthesia for an implant and needed a ride home.
Jiang Cheng took a deep breath and headed in. His anxiety level immediately ramped up at the shudder-inducing smell that every dental clinic seemed to have, like a mixture of toothpaste and industrial cleaning products, with the ominous buzz of dental drills drifting through the air.
What he wasn’t expecting was to come face to face with Lan Wangji, who was seated in the waiting area absorbed in reading a magazine entitled Vegetable Gardening Quarterly. Jiang Cheng internally eye-rolled at the thought that Lan Wangji looked right at home in this horrid place.
Lan Wangji glanced up, eyebrows automatically furrowing at the sight of Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng gave an indignant huff, though actually he was used to this kind of reception by now. Every time Lan Wangji laid eyes on him he made an expression like he smelled something foul.
Jiang Cheng walked over and sat down right next to Lan Wangji, causing him to lean away instinctively. Jiang Cheng leaned in toward him slightly, just to fuck with him. Lan Wangji stiffened and closed his magazine. The article on how to grow massive cucumbers would have to wait until later.
Jiang Cheng figured he should start with the obvious. “Lan Wangji. You’re here.”
Lan Wangji cleared his throat. “I am. Why wouldn’t I be? But what are you doing here?”
Jiang Cheng sighed. “Wei Wuxian asked me to pick him up. I assume he asked the same of you. I should have known…”
“Of course I would pick up Wei Ying. Why would he ask you to come?”
Jiang Cheng leaned back in the chair with a shrug. “Hell if I know. When he asked I just assumed you were busy and couldn’t do it. Or maybe he just forgot that he asked both of us. His brain is like a sieve, after all.”
Lan Wangji looked unimpressed. “Well, I am here, so you can go now.”
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. “Okay, whatever. Nice to see you too, Lan Wangji. Anyway, ask him to call me when he’s—”
At that moment the door between the clinic and waiting room swung open abruptly and with force, causing everyone in the waiting room to jolt, and a dental assistant staggered in supporting Wei Wuxian, one arm around his waist and the other supporting his elbow. He looked absolutely wrecked, eyes unfocused, movements clumsy, and a thin line of drool dripping down his chin. He swayed on his feet, the assistant struggling to support him as he leaned against her.
Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji stood up simultaneously. Lan Wangji’s pinched expression melted into a fond smile at the sight of his husband as Jiang Cheng huffed. “Wow, Wei Wuxian, you look completely out of it.” Wei Wuxian blinked and didn’t respond.
The assistant looked relieved that someone was on hand to take him home.
“Ah, you’re here to collect him. The procedure went well, but he’s still under the influence of the general anesthetic. He will feel the effects for a few more hours. Best to put him straight to bed and let him sleep it off.” After a pause, and with a blush creeping over her cheeks, she added “He sure does…talk a lot, this one. You wouldn’t believe what he said to me when he first woke up…”
Jiang Cheng snorted. Whatever shameless thing it was, he could believe it.
Wei Wuxian’s head lolled backward and he jerked it back upright. He looked at the two of them and blinked blearily, then broke out into a bright, adoring smile. Shaking free of the assistant’s grasp, he lunged forward and threw his arms around Jiang Cheng’s neck without a second glance at Lan Wangji.
For an extended moment Lan Wangji stood frozen to the spot, gaping in shock and disbelief as he watched his husband’s arms sliding around Jiang Cheng’s neck, pulling Jiang Cheng close against him, Jiang Cheng’s arms instinctively reaching up around Wei Wuxian’s back. Wei Wuxian nuzzled his face into Jiang Cheng’s neck and slurred “Mmmmm…you’re here…and you’re warm. So warm…”
“Awww,” the assistant murmured at this tender scene. She patted Wei Wuxian on the shoulder. “I’ll leave you in your partner’s hands now. Be sure to get some rest,” she said, turning to return to the clinic area.
Lan Wangji, who was still frozen at the unbelievable and offensive sight before his eyes, startled visibly upon hearing that Jiang Cheng was mistaken as Wei Wuxian’s partner. “Jiang Wanyin,” he said in a dark voice, “Hand him over.”
The other patients in the waiting room glanced over the top of their magazines, sensing that something interesting was about to go down—and any distraction from the anxiety about their imminent dental torture was more than welcome.
Stunned at the unexpected turn of events and feeling an electric zing shoot up his spine at the feeling of Wei Wuxian’s lips moving against his neck, Jiang Cheng laughed nervously, side-eyeing Lan Wangji, who was glaring daggers at both of them. “Umm, Wei Wuxian, you’ve got the wrong person. Lan Wangji is here to take you home.”
Wei Wuxian stopped squirming and went stock still. “You’re A-Cheng, right?”
“Uh, yes…?”
“Then I have the right person,” Wei Wuxian murmured, nuzzling closer against Jiang Cheng, his hand sliding down to the small of his back.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said loudly, reaching out to try to pry Wei Wuxian’s arms off Jiang Cheng.
Wei Wuxian swatted his hands away, visibly annoyed, and turned back to Jiang Cheng, gently cupping his face in both of his hands.
Jiang Cheng shivered as Wei Wuxian looked him directly in the eyes, swaying slightly but holding his gaze. Wei Wuxian leaned in closer, his eyes tracing over Jiang Cheng’s face. “Oh, Jiang Cheng, you’re beautiful. So, so beautiful.”
Lan Wangji’s eyes blew wide. “Wei Ying!” he sputtered helplessly. Wei Wuxian ignored him.
Jiang Cheng felt his face grow hot as Wei Wuxian continued to gaze at him adoringly, murmuring “You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen. How is it even possible for someone to be this pretty?”
All the people in the waiting room looked up from their phones and magazines. This was getting good now.
Wei Wuxian’s thumbs slowly stroked the length of Jiang Cheng’s cheekbones. Jiang Cheng shuddered involuntarily, simultaneously desperately turned on and terrified at the murderous energy emanating from Lan Wangji’s direction. He looked like he was about to spontaneously combust.
Wei Wuxian licked his lips. “Ohhhh, Jiang Cheng, your cheekbones should be illegal. Can I lick them?”
Jiang Cheng’s eyes flicked down to Wei Wuxian’s lips. Fuck, he was so tempted to say yes. “I…don’t think that would be a very good idea…” he managed feebly.
Jiang Cheng gulped, glancing briefly at Lan Wangji and trying not to get hard.
He hadn’t seen Wei Wuxian act like this since that time he drank an entire bottle of cheap chardonnay in less than an hour and launched himself into his lap.
It was early in Wei Wuxian’s relationship with Lan Wangji, and when Lan Wangji witnessed that spectacle he choked on his sparkling water, watching in horror as Wei Wuxian wriggled vigorously on Jiang Cheng’s lap and sucked his earlobe with considerable gusto. Lan Wangji had jerked him forcibly off Jiang Cheng’s lap, leaving Jiang Cheng sprinting to the bathroom to furiously beat one out.
Ever since that incident Lan Wangji had kept a wary eye pinned on Jiang Cheng every time he was around Wei Wuxian, especially when alcohol was involved. But this—this was a big step above mere wine. He was on hospital-grade drugs now. Who could predict what he might do in a situation like this?
Lan Wangji had heard more than enough. “Wei Ying. You are on drugs. You do not mean these things. Let’s go home now,” he said, trying again to pull him off Jiang Cheng.
“But I do mean them!” Wei Wuxian protested, locking his grip on Jiang Cheng and refusing to yield. “Lan Zhan, come on, you have to admit that Jiang Cheng has it going. I mean look at him!”
By this point the audience in the waiting room wasn’t even pretending not to notice what was going on. They stared with rapt attention, fascinated to see what would happen next. After all, it wasn’t every day that a gay three-way love drama played out in the middle of a dental clinic waiting room.
Seemingly against his will, Lan Wangji’s gaze drifted to Jiang Cheng, as did that of all the other patients in the room. His eyes dragged over him slowly from top to bottom and back up again.
Jiang Cheng gaped in disbelief as he watched the tips of Lan Wangji’s ears turn bright pink. A few of the other patients nodded silently to themselves. One man picked up a pamphlet on correct flossing technique and fanned himself with it vigorously.
“See, Lan Zhan? I told you so,” Wei Wuxian slurred, attempting to nod but just lolling his head about to an uncomfortable-looking degree.
“I—I don’t see it,” Lan Wangji said unconvincingly, avoiding Wei Wuxian’s gaze.
“Liar!” Wei Wuxian cackled, turning back to Jiang Cheng.
Wei Wuxian smiled fondly at Jiang Cheng in a way that made his heart skip several beats. Leaning in closer, he murmured “Oh, Jiang Cheng, what can I do to get you to marry me?”
Jiang Cheng had a full-body hot flash. “Marry you?! But you’re already married! And your husband is standing right there.” Jiang Cheng pointed at Lan Wangji, who stood there looking at Jiang Cheng like he wanted to tie him to a concrete block and dump him in the ocean.
Wei Wuxian cast a baleful glance at Lan Wangji. “Ah. My husband.” But then an idea seemed to occur to him and his expression brightened. “Wait, is bigamy actually illegal or just frowned upon? Because if so—”
“It’s illegal,” Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji said at the same time. “Unfortunately,” Jiang Cheng added under his breath.
That was the last straw for Lan Wangji. “Wei Ying,” he growled, “We are going home now.”
But Wei Wuxian wasn’t done wreaking havoc just yet. “Lan Zhan, I want to go home with Jiang Cheng. Wanna sleep in his bed—”
“That is not going to happen,” Lan Wangji interrupted, sounding the most certain he had ever sounded in his entire life.
Wei Wuxian shot Lan Wangji a withering look, then turned back to Jiang Cheng. Before Lan Wangji could react, Wei Wuxian kissed the side of Jiang Cheng’s neck then whispered in his ear “Shidi, I want to sleep with your arms around me. Let me sleep with you today.”
Jiang Cheng trembled where he stood with pent-up lust, fingers curling against Wei Wuxian’s back. He would never take advantage of a drugged person, of course, but he would definitely cuddle the shit out of him if given half a chance. Jiang Cheng internally cursed Lan Wangji for being so attentive to his husband. If only he weren’t here…
Well, he could get at least one barb in. Jiang Cheng smirked at Lan Wangji over Wei Wuxian’s shoulder and whispered “Gege…I would love that, but I don’t think your husband will let you come with me.”
“I most definitely will not,” Lan Wangji agreed. “Wei Ying, we are leaving. NOW.”
Wei Wuxian huffed and continued to protest as Jiang Cheng heaved out a sigh. As thrilling as this was, they were causing a bit of a scene, and if this went any further Lan Wangji might actually kill him.
Lan Wangji managed to pry one of Wei Wuxian’s arms off Jiang Cheng’s neck, steadfastly ignoring Wei Wuxian’s efforts to swat him away. With Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji each supporting one arm, together they hauled Wei Wuxian out the front door. As soon as they left all the patients in the waiting room flew to the window and stared after them, not wanting to miss a second of this juicy spectacle.
As they approached Lan Wangji’s car Wei Wuxian stumbled, pitching into Jiang Cheng and pinning him against the passenger door. As Wei Wuxian groaned, vibrating against his chest, Jiang Cheng whimpered and tried not to notice that Wei Wuxian was plastered against him everywhere. Fuck, had he done that on purpose? Jiang Cheng was barely holding it together at this point.
Lan Wangji was on a mission now, desperate to prevent any more damage being done. He unceremoniously yanked Wei Wuxian off Jiang Cheng, pushed Jiang Cheng aside and opened the door.
But Wei Wuxian wouldn’t give up that easily. He glomped onto Jiang Cheng again and held him in a tight embrace.
After a brief but grossly undignified scuffle in which Wei Wuxian played the part of a virginal maiden fending off the unwanted advances of a ruffian, Lan Wangji finally stood back with a frustrated huff. Jiang Cheng had never seen him this rattled before.
Jiang Cheng glanced at the window of the clinic. As expected, everyone was staring.
Lan Wangji levelled Jiang Cheng with a death glare. “Just get him into the car. Help me out here.” “Please,” he added as an afterthought.
Well, “please” was a word Jiang Cheng had never heard from Lan Wangji before, so he sighed and nodded. “Fine, fine, okay, I’ll get him in…somehow. You should start the car.”
It took a bit of wrangling, but Jiang Cheng finally managed to shove Wei Wuxian into the passenger seat, ignoring his loud, heart-wrenching whines and protests. Anyone hearing it might think that his basic human rights were being violated. Lan Wangji looked on in obvious annoyance, appearing to be seconds away from completely snapping.
“Sit still,” Jiang Cheng muttered as he grabbed the seatbelt with one hand, the other pressing on Wei Wuxian’s chest. But when he leaned across him to fasten the buckle, Wei Wuxian abruptly grabbed his head with both hands and pulled him into a sloppy, full-on kiss.
Lan Wangji’s eyes blew wide as he got an uninterrupted, close-up view of his husband licking into Jiang Cheng’s mouth, just inches away from his face.
Jiang Cheng moaned softly against Wei Wuxian’s lips, helpless against the kiss but acutely aware of Lan Wangji’s looming presence.
Lan Wangji had finally reached his limit. “Wei Ying!” he shouted, pushing on Jiang Cheng’s forehead to try to detach him. Jiang Cheng was caught between Wei Wuxian pulling him close and Lan Wangji pushing him away, feeling as if his neck might actually snap.
Finally Wei Wuxian pulled away for a breath and Lan Wangji shoved Jiang Cheng away. Jiang Cheng staggered backward into the parking lot on shaking legs.
“Lan Zhannnnn,” Wei Wuxian whined, “Bahhhh, that doesn’t even count! I can’t even feel my lips properly! I’ll have to try it again—”
“No you won’t!” Lan Wangji declared in a tone that would brook no argument, reaching across Wei Wuxian to pull the door shut and shooting one last petty, spiteful glare at Jiang Cheng.
Stunned, Jiang Cheng stood motionless until Lan Wangji’s car peeled out of the parking lot and turned a corner, disappearing from view.
Glancing back at the clinic window, several people were clapping. An elderly woman gave him a thumbs-up, nodding wisely.
Furiously horny, Jiang Cheng hustled to his car, slammed the door shut and horny-gripped the steering wheel, taking deep breaths to try to calm down—but try as he might, he couldn’t forget the feeling of Wei Wuxian’s warm lips moving against his, his minty-tasting tongue sliding against his own.
Deciding it was probably unwise to take care of his needs right there in the dental clinic parking lot, he started the car and headed for home at top speed.
On the way back his thoughts turned to his wine rack. It was looking a little sparse these days… Yes, Jiang Cheng decided, it was high time he ordered a few cases and invited Wei Wuxian over for a tasting.
Without Lan Wangji.