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Chapter Text

The first thing Clarke feels when she wakes up is fear. She had fallen asleep on Bellamy's chest, listening to his beating heart. Now, the only thing she feels against her cheek is grass. She sits up with a start, ignoring the rush to her head, and it isn't until she hears a voice saying, "Hey, hey, hey, relax!" before she tries to take in her surroundings.

It's Murphy who sits next to her, back against a tree. She's not in the same place she was when they fell, but she doesn't seem to be far either. "Where's Bellamy?" she says, heart pounding.

"He's fine," he says, rolling his eyes. "You just took longer to defrost than he did."

"Where is he now?" Clarke says, relaxing a little.

"He's down by the river, washing up. He wanted to wait until you woke up, but Jackson said you were fine and he stunk. So do you, for the record."

"Wow," Clarke says, "I never thought I'd miss that charm of yours."

"You should be thanking me," Murphy says. "Raven almost killed me when she found out what I did."

Clarke's silent for a moment. Then, with meaning, she says, "Thank you." For a moment, she's content just to breathe in the Earth air, eyes closed, serene. Then, she asks, "How long were we gone?"

"About a week."

"Only a week?"

"Why, how long did you think you were gone?"

"At least a month."

Murphy blinks, surprised. "You were right about time moving faster there… So, you and Bellamy were alone on a deserted planet for a whole month?"

She pretends not to understand what he's implying. "No. We had an ally."

"Who?"

"A friend."

Murphy sighs, realizing he's not getting anymore than that. After a long moment, he says, "Well, I guess you and Bellamy are even now." Clarke looks at him, confused. "He saved you on Sanctum, you saved him on whatever death planet he was trapped on. You're even."

She looks towards the river where she can just make out Bellamy's silhouette. "We'll never be even."

"Suit yourself," Murphy says, shrugging. Then, "He's waiting for you. You should go to him."

Clarke can't hide the soft smile that fact brings to her face. But an idea occurs to her first. "Murphy? Where is your pack?"

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

For a moment, before she approaches Bellamy, her best friend in the world, the love of her life, the man she'd been through hell and back with and for, she just looks at him. She looks at his back beneath the sun, his face pointed down at the water, watching himself, his big broad shoulders, his strong, healing hands. She came so close to losing him. If the Pillowman hadn't changed his mind and granted her request… But it wouldn't do any good to think like that. They are here now, and this is all that matters.

"Hey," she says softly. Bellamy turns to look at her, but he freezes when he matches her gaze. "What? What is it?"

"Nothing," he says, clearing his throat, shaking his head. "You just… you look like you did when I first met you."

Clarke touches her hair. It had grown out during their time on Etherea. She found a rubber band in Murphy's pack so she could tie it back. She hadn't even thought of what it would look like. It feels like years since she's looked in the mirror. "I can't say the same about you," she says softly, sitting next to Bellamy and looking out at the river. His beard has grown long. He looks so different, and yet, he'll always look the same to her.

But Bellamy, staring back at his reflection in the water, doesn't seem to feel the same way. "On the Ring, my beard used to feel like proof that things had changed. That I wasn't the same person I had been on Earth." He looks at her. "Now it just feels heavy." Clarke reaches out to touch it, surprised when he doesn't pull back. Bellamy laughs, leaning into her touch before turning away. "It's silly, I know. We're alive, so that's all that counts."

Clarke nods, waiting only a moment before revealing what else she'd stolen from Murphy's pack.

"Where'd you get a razor?" Bellamy says, stunned.

"Stashed it in one of the packs. I didn't know how long we'd be here. Can I?" she asks tentatively.

Bellamy doesn't say anything. He just nods. For a few long minutes, they sit in silence as he watches his hair fall away, as he revels in Clarke's gentle touch. Bellamy and Clarke, by the river in spring, with all the time in the world. When he knew her on Earth the first time, he wondered if he'd ever get time with her, time in which they didn't have to worry about keeping their people alive or solving the next crisis, but being with each other, learning things they never got the chance to know.

Then, after Praimfaya, he knew he never would. But even after learning she was still alive on the best day of his life, the image of them together, as she uses her knife to shorn his hair short, had always seemed so far away. So if Bellamy isn't saying anything, it's because he cannot possibly find the words to express how he feels.

When she finishes with his hair, she moves to his beard. She traces her fingers along his jaw, running the razor carefully over his chin. Her eyes flicker to his eyes, then his lips, then back to her hands so she can concentrate on what she's doing. "I love you, Bellamy," she says, "but I really hated this beard." She says this without thinking about it, but as soon as the words are out of her mouth, Clarke realizes what she has done. She can pretend it was a joke, or… or she can keep going. Bellamy tenses, moving his head to look better at her.

The razor slips, grazing his cheek, leaving a long thin red cut.

"That was your fault," Clarke says. "Stop moving." She takes his face into her hands, looking at him closely. There's fear in his eyes, but longing too. She wonders what her face looks like. "Just… don't move, okay?" she whispers. Ever so slightly, Bellamy nods.

"You know why I came for you on Etherea, don't you?" she asks him, but it's not really a question. "I said I would have come for any of our friends, and that's true. But when it was you… I had to come. Because I don't see the point of peace if I can't share it with you."

Again, he tenses, but Clarke doesn't meet his gaze. She keeps her eyes trained on her hands, still working the razor over his cheek.

"There were so many times I thought maybe I'd never see you again. And still, I never told you. And I regretted it every time, because I kept thinking… what if you never knew?" She takes a deep breath, her fingers tracing his lips just barely. Out of the corner of her vision, she can see Bellamy closing his eyes. "But you do know, don't you? I don't have to worry about that anymore."

She's almost done shaving him, but she slows down. Because once she finishes, she's going to have to let him respond and she's lying if she says that doesn't scare the hell out of her. "I can't lose you, Bellamy," she whispers. "I'd die first." And distantly, she realizes just how true that is. If the Pillowman hadn't changed his mind, Clarke would be dead right now. She doesn't know where Bellamy would be. "I'm telling you now because I'm not going to make the same mistakes as last time. Not any of them."

Had the Clarke who pulled the trigger told Bellamy that she loved him, maybe she never would have done it in the first place. But maybe she really did have no choice. Clarke will never know what it feels like to be her. She has the Pillowman to thank for that.

"Okay," she says softly, placing the razor down on the ground beside her and taking his face in both her hands. He looks just like he did when she first met him. Except for the eyes. These eyes have seen more. Sitting here, with half her hair pulled back and his face clean-shaven, just like they looked when they were younger, it almost feels like a second chance. So Clarke does something she doesn't usually do: whatever the hell she wants.

She kisses him. It's gentle, and soft, and achingly slow. She knows that he has Echo, and she knows that they're not the same people they were six years ago. But she also knows she loves him, and that even when he's given her reason to doubt it, he has always loved her. So maybe - just maybe - it's okay for her to have this. Just this moment. Even if that's all they get.

Letting her hands drop, she pulls away. For a long moment, they just look at each other. "Clarke," Bellamy says, voice hoarse and full of meaning, but they're interrupted.

"Hey," Raven says behind them, breathless. "Whatever this is, wrap it up. The others. They're back."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke can't describe how good it is to see Raven's grinning face again, but she's still ever-so-slightly thrown by her conversation with Bellamy. He looks at her, eyebrows furrowed, clearly wanting to respond, but she silences him with a look. "Go. We can talk later."

"Clarke -"

"It's Echo and Octavia. It's okay. Go."

For a moment, Clarke thinks he's going to protest. But with a deep breath, he turns and bounds off in the direction Raven came from, leaving Clarke and Raven alone. "You know, if I weren't so happy to see you alive," Raven starts, "I'd be punching you right now."

"It's good to see you too, Raven," Clarke says, smiling. Bellamy has forged ahead, but she and Raven linger back, taking their time.

"Seriously, trusting Murphy over me? That's a low blow."

"You'd never have let me go alone."

Raven shrugs, as if this is beside the point. "And you probably would have made it back a hell of a lot faster."

"Probably," Clarke concedes, because she knows better than anyone what Raven Reyes is capable of when she sets her mind to it. "They're all back?" she says quietly, after a moment. "All of them?"

Raven grins again. "Yeah. Echo, Octavia, Gabriel, Diyoza, and some blonde chick they say is Diyoza's kid somehow… And your friend."

Clarke breathes a sigh of relief. Doucette is safe. He didn't betray them. She wasn't asking too much. "Are they all okay?"

"Yeah. Your friend said it had been a few days. Murphy said that time moved faster wherever you were going, and I guess you were right. Then he said he wasn't going to say anything else until he saw either you or Bellamy."

"Sounds like Doucette." Clarke takes a deep breath, stopping. She knows they're coming up on everyone, and she doesn't want to lose her nerve. She knows if she waits, she will. "You go ahead, okay? I'm gonna scope out the bunker, see if there's anything useful."

"Clarke, we've been here for a week. You think we haven't already done that? Twice?"

She forces a smile. "You know me. I like to see for myself. If anyone needs me, tell them I'll meet them outside the bunker doors when I'm done."

Raven narrows her eyes, but just for a moment. "Yeah, fine. But I'm only agreeing because I know you'd ignore me if I said no."

"Thanks, Raven," Clarke whispers. Then, without allowing her time to second-guess herself, she hugs her, pulling her close, feeling her friend's hair brush against her cheeks. Raven. The most complicated relationship in her life. One of the people closest to her heart. There's no one she respects more or thinks better of. She's always wanted her forgiveness as much as her love. They've come a long way, but every battle Clarke has won, she's won with Raven Reyes by her side. After Mount Weather, she was the only one to thank Clarke, to tell her she had done the right thing, that she had saved them all. And she was the only one to blame her after Finn's death. Like she said, complicated.

Clarke pulls away before Raven has time to say anything else, but she catches Clarke by the wrist anyway. "Hey. When you're done, we come up with a game plan, yeah? Figure out what we're gonna do about Bardo."

Strategy session. It would be like old times. "Yeah," Clarke lies, smiling. Because when she climbs into the bunker, she has no intention of searching through empty rooms for ghosts. Instead, she slides the helmet from Bardo onto her head and presses the buttons of the Anomaly stone. She's gone before anyone even knows to look for her.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

When Clarke gets to Bardo, she thinks, for a few frantic moments, that luck is on her side. The stone room is empty. She has just enough time to turn herself invisible before someone comes in, the last green traces of the Anomaly fading into nothing. She hasn't had much time to think, or to make a plan. There's only one thing on her mind.

She has to stop transcendence. Whatever it is, whoever runs it, whatever those evil aliens the Pillowman had told her about want, they're not going to win. She can't risk the extinction of humanity. And she couldn't risk taking anyone with her. She has no idea how to stop them, but as is often the case with Clarke Griffin and her plans, she knows there's a chance she won't make it out alive. It doesn't matter how many times Bellamy makes it clear he'd rather go down with her than fight the battle alone. She's never going to risk his life.

In her defense, he would never risk hers. He'd martyr himself over and over again before he lets anything happen to her. She's just lucky she thought of doing this before he did. With a pang she remembers their promises, their dreams of building a new home together. She hopes beyond hope that they can still have that. But they can't have it with the threat of Bardo hanging over their head, she knows that much.

But as she finds herself stranded on Bardo, she realizes quickly that she's out of her depth. She has no idea how to stop them, she doesn't even know where to find them. So, strengthening her resolve, she settles for the next best thing. Cadogan. She has to kill Cadogan.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke lets instinct drive her. She knows he's still in cryo, and that he's waiting for her, but that's about all she knows. But she's only halfway around the hall when arms wrap tightly around her waist, pulling her back. "Going invisible in the hallway. Suspicious," the voice hisses in her ear. Clarke jerks away but not before the man in the suit presses some button that renders her fully visible. "Who are you?" he says, gripping his wrist tightly.

She wrenches away from his grip, trying to run, but he grabs her, pinning her to the ground. With steady hands, he grabs her helmet, pulling it away from her face. Clarke keeps her eyes closed. She doesn't want to confront the magnitude of her immediate failure. "It's her!" the man yells. "It's the key."

Suddenly, there are more voices in the hallway. "Wake the Shepherd!" the man says.

And that's how Clarke knows it's over.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

When she comes face to face with Cadogan, for the first time in her life, but not in memory, she's almost surprised. This man - this small, seemingly harmless man - has caused so much trouble in all of their lives. At least her previous foes had seemed formidable. It took bravery not to shy away from Anya, or Dante Wallace. Even Russell Lightbourne held more menace behind his kind veneer. But Cadogan? Clarke sees immediately that he's powerful because people follow him. But that is not a power to be underestimated.

And she knows from the beginning what she has to do. There is no deal to be struck, no bluff to get her halfway. The moment Cadogan finds out she doesn't have the flame in her head is the moment Madi will be at risk. Madi's safe, on Sanctum. It has to stay that way. She won't help Cadogan. Won't even let him think that she will.

And she knows where she'll end up. In M-Cap. Being tortured. But she will die before she reveals the truth.

So, Clarke Griffin thinks, looking upon Cadogan for the first time, she will die.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

She sleeps in one of Bardo's prison cells, all alone, cold, without a blanket. Cadogan only tortured her for an hour before deciding to stop until morning. Allow Clarke to rest - and allow her to change her mind. The pain was worse than she thought it would be, but she will not change her mind. The only difference is now she knows what lies in store for her.

Her head is pounding and her heart is hurting. She wonders where Bellamy is, what her friends are doing, how much time has passed, whether they've even realized she's gone yet. She hopes not. She doesn't wish this fate on them, not for her sake, not when it's her fault. It's funny. In another life, Bellamy would have been in the room as Cadogan tortured her. It would have been his idea. It's unfathomable to this Clarke, that he could ever watch her in pain, that he could ever hurt her.

In some distant, yet palpable way, she feels sorry for her, that woman who never existed, that twisted, ruined version of herself. Because when Cadogan tried over and over again to rifle through her memories, and Clarke screamed with pain trying to keep him out, she had something to hold onto in the brief reprieves he gave her: Bellamy's lips on hers, her hands on his skin, his eyes on her lips. His face when she whispered that she loved him. After so long of wondering if she would ever get that, it was hers. That memory belongs to her. It can't be tainted and it can't be torn away. If they kill her - and they will kill her - she'll still have that to hold on to.

But what solace was there for that other Clarke? The one who knew that Bellamy's ears heard her screams, yet his hands stayed carefully folded? That pain must have been doubled, that sorrow must have broken her. It's the only reason she can think of for why she did what she did, why she wrapped her hands around the trigger and killed her own heart with one fell blow. But she doesn't think about this too long.

Instead, her mind returns to the lake, to his lips, to the feel of him. In her restless sleep, this is what she dreams about.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

And there she is again, her mind strapped to a machine, screams ripping from her throat. She knew, as she woke this morning, that this day would see the end of her. She can't withstand another full day on this machine, and everyone in the room seems to know this. A Bardoan with dark hair, Clarke can't be sure which one, calls for them to stop. "We're running the risk of hemorrhage, sir."

"What do you suggest, then? That we give up?"

"Of course not. Two minutes of rest should be enough time to allow the brain to recover."

Cadogan frowns. He has grown more impatient and less philosophical as the time dragged on. And while it is a bad look for the Shepherd to lose his temper in front of his sheep, his patience is running out. "You have sixty seconds."

Tears and blood running down the sides of her face, Clarke sighs in relief. The dark-haired man who spoke up for her leans over her body, his face hovering above hers. "You have to let me in, Clarke."

"Says who?" she says feebly.

"You don't have to reveal anything. Use your memories to lead him in the wrong direction. But if you don't let me in, you will die."

Clarke's face tells him all he needs to know: do you think I don't know that? But just in case he needs more proof of her unwillingness to compromise, she lets out in a hiss of pain, "Go float yourself."

The man looks grim as Cadogan prepares to go again. "Alright, Levitt," he says. "Begin."

"You're in an endless desert with a vast purple sky."

A scream rips through her throat.

"A hand reaches out for your own."

Her voice is hoarse and ragged, and she uses it because she can't stop herself.

"Whose hand is it?"

Her lips part, ready for another wave of pain - but before it comes there is a crash at the far end of the room as the door comes tumbling down.

Clarke barely has time to turn her head before she hears a gunshot - then another - then another. Her vision is blurry and strained and all she can make out is a tall figure - no, a group of figures, too many to count - with guns in their hands.

She hears a familiar voice shouting, "No, Bellamy, don't! He's on our side!" before her mind finally loses its battle for consciousness. They will never tell her why they found her within mere minutes of touching down on Bardo. She will never ask. But the simple truth is, they were following the sound of her screams.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

For a moment, the room is filled with an unshakeable silence. Levitt and Doucette stand, pale in the corners of the room, the only ones in white left standing. Bellamy's gun, which has remained trained on Levitt, is only lowered when Octavia's fingers dig into his arm. Only when he looks over at Clarke and sees that she's not moving.

With her long hair, she looks just like she did the day Finn died, the day Finn walked into the dropship with her limp in his arms and Bellamy realized just how fast he'd fallen. If it weren't for the black blood instead of red, wet on her temples, he could almost believe no time had passed at all. There is just one important difference. Though he had many times believed he couldn't love Clarke more than he already did, today his heart is pounding harder than ever. Because the necessity of her, the pure, unadulterated need has been pressing down on him the moment they realized she had found the Anomaly Stone in the bunker and left them all. She told him she loved him. Everything has changed.

Everyone seems to be waiting for him to say something, to make a move. But all he can manage, in a strained voice is, "Get her the hell out of that thing." Gabriel starts to move, but Levitt holds up a hand, stopping him.

"Not yet." He moves closer to Clarke, pressing some button, and sending alarm bells ringing in Bellamy's head.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he says, and it is again, only Octavia's hand on his chest stopping him. His anger is so close to the surface, his skin feels hot to the touch.

"Bellamy, you can trust him."

Levitt has been quietly ignoring Bellamy, doing whatever it is he's doing on that machine. After a long minute and a seeming sigh of relief, he nods, looking to the rest of the group. "No sign of visible brain damage. It seems she collapsed from exhaustion."

"How will you know for sure?" Raven asks.

"We'll know when she wakes up."

Bellamy wastes no more time. He goes to where Clarke is lying, and for a moment, he thinks her screams were better than this silence. Not too long ago, he was in Gabriel's tent, in all too similar a situation. No, he tells himself. This time she's breathing. This time she'll be okay. As he lifts her, gently, from the machine, he repeats this to himself like a mantra.

He carries her to the corner, away from the machine and the red blood already pooling on the ground from the shots his hand fired. He lays her down in the position she liked to sleep in when they were on Etherea. On Earth, any moment in which he could watch her sleep was a rarity and a pleasure, but all too often, the circumstances were like this, in which he had to wait for her to wake up, and wonder whether or not she would.

He had spent more years mourning Clarke than being with her. And he didn't think he could take it if they never got the chance to even out the scale.

Slowly, the group makes their way across the large room to him. The door is shut, so presumably they're safe - for now. But Murphy, of course, is the first to voice his concern. "Are we not gonna discuss the fact that you just shot Cadogan?" Bellamy doesn't even look up, and no one says anything so he continues. "I mean, come on, the man had to have had a contingency plan. Right?" He turns to Doucette.

Doucette looks as if he doesn't want anything to be asked of him now, but instead he just nods. "Of course."

"So if we don't figure something out soon, we're screwed."

"I'm with Murphy," Diyoza says. Echo and Hope nod, clutching their weapons tighter.

"We'll figure something out when Clarke wakes up," Bellamy says.

"What if we don't have time?" Murphy says quietly. "We're all thinking it."
"Read the room, Murphy," Raven says impatiently.

"Are you kidding?"

"I mean it."

"She's right, John," Emori says, reading something in Raven's eyes and taking Murphy's hand. "Is there anyone in this room who isn't ready to fight the moment those doors open if we have to?" No one says a word. "Exactly."

"We all made it here," Raven says. And everyone looks around at their strange mismatched circle. Miller, Niylah, Jordan, Emori, Raven, Murphy, Bellamy, Clarke, Diyoza, Levitt, Doucette, Hope, Octavia, and Echo. More united than they have ever been, their numbers stronger than they could have hoped. "For the first time ever, we made it in time and we made it together. So here's what we'll do. Bellamy, stay with Clarke," she says, as if he has any intention of doing anything different. "Levitt. Show me how this thing works. Anyone who wants to talk strategy, follow me."

She is doing this to give Bellamy a moment alone with Clarke, even if a moment alone means a private corner in this crowded room as they all huddle around this irrelevant machine. If knowledge of it is of any use to her, it is only how to destroy it. Octavia is the only one to linger. She kneels by her brother's side. They had only a few moments of happy reunion before Raven told them she had a bad feeling and they discovered what they had all silently feared. "What happened between you and Clarke on Etherea?" she says.

"Nothing," he says automatically. Nothing on Etherea, he thinks, but he doesn't say that.

"She'll be okay."

"How do you know that?" he says.

"It's Clarke," she replies simply, before going to join the others.

So Bellamy sits and waits by Clarke's side, his hand gently caressing her hair without really thinking about it. It is only minutes until her eyes blink open, wearily, and he only just has time for his relief to give way to anger before she turns her gaze to him. Then, her gaze turns past him, to the body lying on the floor, its unseeing eyes trained on the ceiling.

"Cadogan," she says. "You killed him."

She looks to Bellamy in bitter triumph, but it's clear he's not in a mood for celebration. He wants to ask her if she's alright, if anything hurts, but he knows she'd just lie, and besides, he's too angry and too relieved to say anything other than, "I thought the plan was we fix things together. Not you run off and nearly get yourself killed."

"Bellamy…" Clarke says, and she does feel guilty, but not as much as she knows she should.

"We're supposed to be a team."

"We are a team."

"Oh yeah?" Bellamy says, laughing humorlessly.

Clarke sighs, sitting up. When she winces, Bellamy instantly places his arm around her back, helping her. She knows what he wants from her, but a stubborn streak flares up inside of her. "I had to stop them. And I couldn't let anything happen to you. You're just mad you didn't have the idea first," she says, challenging him.

"That's not the point," he says immediately, but she's not going to back down.

"Isn't it?" He looks away, angry, but she can't stop herself. It feels like they've already come so far since their moment by the lake. It almost seems like another lifetime ago. "I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going and I'm sorry I wouldn't let you come with me. But I'd be awful over and over again if it meant keeping you safe."

"Keeping me safe doesn't just mean keeping you alive. I lived in a world where you were dead for years, Clarke. You don't -" His voice breaks off. "You don't know what that's like. You never had to go through that."

He hits his mark. She looks down, feeling sorry, truly sorry. "No. I didn't."

"I can't go back there again. Do you understand?" She nods, but he's not done. "You want to keep me safe? Try not doing things that would utterly destroy me."

Clarke opens her mouth to respond, but a shadow falls across them both. It's not just Raven, but it's all her friends, and for a moment, Clarke is overwhelmed by the sight of them. Of course, Raven is the one to speak first. "Remember how last time we spoke I told you I wanted to punch you?"

Clarke nods, already knowing what's coming.

"Now I think I wanna kill you."

Raven reaches out her arm, helping Clarke to her feet. Her head is pounding and every muscle is sore and aching, but all in all, she thinks she's okay. "I'm sorry, alright? Obviously things didn't go to plan."

Raven rolls her eyes. "And what exactly was your plan, Clarke?"

She didn't have one, not a real one, and Raven knows that. Instead, she gets defensive. "I had to stop them! Transcendence is extinction. I couldn't risk Bardo or whoever controls transcendence ever finding us. And I couldn't risk any of your lives in the process."

"Did you ever think of asking us to make that choice ourselves?" Miller says.

"No. Not if I could manage it by myself."

"Well, clearly you couldn't," Murphy says.

"Clarke," Raven says, seizing the conversation again, "I watched you single handedly walk into Mount Weather and take it down. I know what you're capable of. But you can't do this on your own. You need us, Clarke. The moment you accept that, the moment we can get going."

"Get going?" She looks to Bellamy, but his face shows that he's just as lost as she is. "Get going where?"

"When constructing your stupid Hail Mary plan, you overlooked one very important element. You left me alone on a planet for an entire week with nothing to do but study the Anomaly Stone. What did you think I'd do, twiddle my thumbs and wait for you to come back?"

"She's not lying, she practically stole my girlfriend again."

"John," Emori said, silencing him with a look.

"If you'd stuck around long enough, I would have been able to tell you my plan and no one would have tried to fry your brain."

"You have a plan?" Clarke says, not daring to hope. But for the first time, Raven smiles. And Clarke has seen that smile before - the smile of someone who knows what they're doing. The smile of someone who can make it go boom.

"Yeah," she says. "And for the first time ever, I think you're really gonna like it."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

When they open the doors to the hallway, they are expecting Bardoans to come in guns ablazing. But the hall is completely empty. A stroke of luck or something more sinister? Clarke doesn't want to dwell on that. There's fourteen of them - too many of them not to draw attention. But they came armed and ready for battle if need be, so Clarke decides to find strength in their numbers.

When she tells Bellamy she'll cover the back with Gabriel, he seems like he's going to argue. But after a brief moment, he nods and he and Miller take the front. She wants to be by Bellamy's side, but he's too much for her right now, all the anger and passion and worry radiating from him. She needs some time to think, to process everything that has happened. And Gabriel's eternal tranquility is exactly what she's looking for.

Clarke and Gabriel walk backwards, guns raised and ready. After a moment, she looks at him. "You've been here for months now, haven't you?"

"I have."

"What do you think of our chances?"

He mulls this over for a moment. "I think Cadogan was right to call himself their Shepherd. And I think he was right to call them sheep."

"Meaning what?"

"They seem like they believe in transcendence, and they're good at following orders. But without Cadogan… I think once they learn of the destruction of the flame, they may be ready to hear us out. Call me an optimist."

Clarke let out a short, distracted laugh. "I really hope you're right."

Gabriel, looking sideways at her, stops, lowering his gun. "Your nose is bleeding."

She stops too, shooting a nervous glance towards the others. When she presses her fingers to her face, they come back black and wet. Gabriel tears off a small piece of his robe for her to use and she takes it, gratefully.

"Don't tell Bellamy about this, okay?" she says, raising her gun again. "I'm sure it's nothing, but…" She looks at Bellamy at the front. Completely in his element, totally self-assured. It's like old times, this mission. "We can't have him distracted."

"Don't worry, Clarke. You don't have to explain yourself to me," he says, as if nothing happened at all. Clarke realizes with a start that he has seen Bellamy driven by worry for her. He has seen Bellamy abandon every other consideration until he knew she was safe. Of course he understands.

What she doesn't know, and what he doesn't tell her, is that he has heard enough stories to make up his own mind. Some from Octavia, plenty from Echo, but mostly from Hope. Hope's stories of stories, childhood memories of Auntie O's bedtime fairy tales that would have been nightmares coming from anyone else. Without ever trying, and perhaps against her will, Clarke Griffin has yet again become the stuff of legend.

But as Gabriel looks at her, gun pointed, hair pulled back, blood drying on the sides of her face, he thinks that he wouldn't have been able to believe it, all those far-fetched stories of war and sacrifice and mercy and honor, of anyone else.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

By the time they're safely inside the stone room, Clarke, after swiping her nose with the back of her sleeve to check for any blood, finds her place beside Bellamy again. As overwhelming as he can be, she misses him when he's far from her.

Levitt closes the door with a heavy thud, securing them here alone for now. "Okay, what buttons do we press?" Murphy asks, looking at Raven impatiently.

"It's not that simple," Raven says.

"Why do I feel like I'm not gonna like this?"

"Each individual Anomaly stone has to be shut down, which means -"

Clarke could fill in the blanks. "You'll be stranded on whatever planet you're on at the time of the stone's destruction." That throws a hush over the room.

Bellamy looks to Raven. "You're sure the stone can be destroyed?"

"As sure as I can be without actually trying it."

"There are six stones, right?" Clarke says. "Earth, Sanctum, and Sky Ring, which we know are all survivable. Then there's Etherea, Bardo, and…"

"Nakara." It's Doucette's voice that answers her. "It's where we bury our dead."

"Is it survivable?"

Doucette and Levitt exchange a glance. "Yes, but its ways are… harsh. Unforgiving." If that could come out of Doucette's mouth after spending months on Etherea, she shudders to wonder what Nakara might be like. She opens her mouth to respond, but Bellamy gets there first.

"I'll go. I'll take Nakara."

"Absolutely not," she says immediately.

"You're really going to try that on me right now?" he says, lingering anger still flashing in his eyes. "And tell me you weren't opening your mouth to say the exact same thing."
Clarke opens her mouth to argue, but Raven cuts them both off. "Shut up, both of you! God, you're insufferable sometimes. Neither of you are stranding yourself on Nakara."

"Raven," Clarke says, "we can't condemn people to live the rest of their lives on hostile planets that aren't their homes."

"We won't," she says gently. "Earth, Sanctum and Sky Ring are places where humanity can thrive. That leaves Bardo, Nakara, and Etherea. Are there three of us who are willing to make that sacrifice, if it comes to it?" She looks around the room, and she's greeted by faces set in hard determination. There's not one that shies away from the challenge. "Okay. Then we'll handle it when we get to it. But I've got an idea about Nakara. If I'm wrong, you and Bellamy can go live icily ever after there together."

"That leaves Bardo and Etherea," Miller says, warily.

Again, the room plunges into silence. But somewhere inside it, someone is steeling their resolve. "Clarke, my friend," Doucette says, taking her hand in his. "Do you trust me?"

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

By the time Clarke will set foot on Sanctum again, her heart will be breaking and breaking and breaking. But now, in this moment, all there is to do is squeeze Doucette's hand and say, "Of course."

She's worried when he calls all Bardoans into the throne room, and warier still when he says that they will need Cadogan's body. "Showing them their leader's dead body? It's not just morbid, it's an act of aggression. This could incite the violence that we're trying to avoid," she argues, but Doucette is firm.

"They need to know it's over."

"I don't understand," Bellamy says. Doucette looks at him kindly. Clarke knows that as much as Doucette is her friend too, it was Bellamy who changed his heart.

"I have learned so much from both of you. But our ways have value too. Without the dream of transcendence, or a war to prepare towards, I believe that we can form a better society. I believe that we can build a better Bardo."

Bellamy shakes his head, and his eyes are big and sad. "You're staying here?"

Doucette shrugs, offering a small, sad smile. "It's my home." Bellamy looks at Clarke, and she knows her face is matching his. It's right, and she knows it, but what a loss, what a loss for both of them. "I'll carry you both with me forever, and I'll never forget what you taught me." He takes both their hands now, looking at them with an expression that can only be described as love. "My friends." He smiles, and there are tears glimmering in his eyes. Then he looks at Clarke."How much stronger I am for knowing you."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

In the end, it takes someone on the inside to know exactly how to solve their problem. Doucette has spent his entire life on Bardo. He knows it inside out. And he knows that not everyone on the planet is one of Cadogan's sheep. First, he tells the people of the destruction of the flame. Then, of the death of Cadogan. With the help of Jordan, he was able to disable all Bardoan weapons upon entering the stone room. So the outcry upon the death of their leader is a neutralized threat. Clarke is surprised when there is rather more confusion than horror.

Doucette lays out three options. First, for those who want to stay, and rebuild a better Bardoan society, Bardo will be their home. Next, he addresses those who were always unhappy here. There are more than Clarke realized, but she is not surprised by the number. All it takes is loving one person to want to break free of Bardo's mold. She's learned that much. He tells them that they can find a home on Beta, otherwise known as Sky Ring.

There are many dismayed faces, but as Doucette speaks, Clarke sees the first signs of hope. Many of them had spent time on Sky Ring. It's their penal planet, after all. But it's far more survivable than Bardo. And if they all go together, if they don't go alone, the planet doesn't have to mean loneliness. They can go there, and they can start again. Clarke looks to Octavia as Doucette speaks, and there are tears streaming down her face. Her hand is wrapped around Diyoza's.

Finally, he addresses those in the crowd who will not relinquish the idea of transcendence. He tells them that the stones will be destroyed. He does not lie. But Etherea is the closest thing they have to holy ground. That was where Cadogan first discovered transcendence, after all. "Its ways are harsh," Doucette says, "and there is no guarantee of ever finding transcendence. But it's the best I can offer you. You can stay here with me, and we can build a better Bardo, or you can go to Etherea, and chase after what our Shepherd was looking for."

"That's genius," Clarke whispers to Bellamy. On his face, he wears a smile. It doesn't take long for people to divide themselves up. Raven teaches them what to do - it's deceptively simple. A series of buttons, and a person designated for it. They should wait twenty-four hours, and then they should take down the stone. She's stern with the people headed for Etherea.

"I'll know if you don't do it. I'm taking mine down last. I give you two days, and if it's not down, I'm going to Etherea and taking it down myself."

The man at the forefront of the group seems to understand, even if his face shows clear resentment. But they're used to following orders. Clarke hopes that they follow through on this one. Doucette seems to think they will. And she trusts him. More than that, she has hope. How long has it been since she's had that?

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Bellamy and Clarke stand side by side in silence, watching Doucette and Levitt direct their people. They've already said their goodbyes to Doucette, and they know they'll miss him. But he'll be happy here. "So what now?" Murphy says, looking to Clarke. The group, following his words, moves towards her.

Even though Raven came up with the plan, they're still thinking of Clarke as their leader. There was a time, a long time, when she wanted to rid herself of this responsibility, this burden, but now… it almost feels like it did when she was just beginning, when all she had to take care of was a band of delinquents. The hundred. She felt the burden then, too, but she also felt the trust, the love. The hope.

"Now, we go back to Sanctum and tell the rest of our people that we can finally bring them home."

Raven grins at her. "I'll pack up our gear."

Bellamy moves to go with her, but a hand on his arm stops him. It's his sister. And there are tears in her eyes. With one look, Clarke realizes what's about to happen. So she moves away, giving him space - just enough so he can have a moment alone with Octavia, but she doesn't go too far either. Because she knows that he might need someone when this is over. And she hopes that someone is her.

"I'm not going with you," Octavia says, her hand still wrapped around his wrist.

Bellamy shakes his head, disbelieving. "What do you mean?"

"I'm going to Sky Ring with Diyoza and Levitt and Hope."

"But… Octavia, if you go to Sky Ring and I go to Earth, that means…" He trails off, his voice breaking. Because he realizes that she knows exactly what that means.

"It would have been the easiest decision I've ever made if it weren't for… Bellamy, I…" A tear slips down her cheek and she doesn't bother wiping it away. So Bellamy lifts his hand and wipes it away for her. "You're my big brother."

She can't say anything else, so she does what she's wanted to do all those years on Sky Ring while she waited for a chance to get back to him. She hugs him. She buries her face in his shoulder, knowing it's going to be the last time. She's barely able to bear that fact, that she'll live the rest of her life without him, without his warm voice telling her she loves her, or his arms to hold her when she needs him. "Part of my heart will always belong to you," she whispers into his shirt. "The biggest part." Finally, she pulls away. "But I need to go home with my people. And you need to go home with yours."

And Bellamy, who has also spent years planning what he wants to say to his sister the moment he sees her again, forgets all the betrayals, all the horrors she put him through, those weeks he spent wishing she were dead. Instead, he just sees O, his little sister, his responsibility, his best friend, the reason he came to Earth, the girl who saved him and let him save her too. He tells her everything he's ever wanted to say, and it could be repeated, but what else does it boil down to except the essential words, I love you?

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke watches from across the room as the Anomaly stone comes to life, green mist swirling around the room. They stand in front of it, everyone who's going back to Sanctum, everyone who's continuing the mission. Clarke watches Doucette and Levitt fade into the background. She watches Echo and Hope part ways with a tearful kiss. She checks to see if Bellamy saw, but his eyes belong only to his sister. As he walks backward into the Anomaly, he keeps Octavia's hand in his until the last possible moment, their fingertips touching until all that's left is the cold air. And then, he is through and onto the other side.

With the briefest look of gratitude and love and friendship for Octavia, all the words Clarke never got to say in her eyes, she jumps into the Anomaly after him.

Her heart is breaking and breaking and breaking. Doucette is gone, and that's hard enough. But Octavia is gone too. And the loss is on Bellamy's side, but she still remembers that girl. Her friend. Her enemy. The girl who chased butterflies and only followed the orders she agreed with. Clarke loves the Blakes with all her breaking heart. And now, all there's left is Bellamy, and he is valiantly holding back tears.

"Are you okay?" she asks uselessly. She doesn't have anything else to give him but her love, and she's prepared to give it all if he needs it.

"I can't believe I'm never gonna see her again. I thought that was true so many times, but this time, I… I'm going to spend the rest of my life without her." Clarke doesn't wait for the first tear to slide down his face. She wraps her arms around him, pulling him in tighter, tighter, tighter still. He buries his face in her hair and though she knows he's probably still mad at her, she's so happy that they made it here together.

But Bellamy is the first one to pull away. "Okay," he says, clearing his throat. "Let's get our people and go." Clarke raises her eyebrows in surprise. Bellamy smiles at her. "Is it bad I can't wait to get the hell off this planet?"

She shakes her head, smiling tentatively back.

"You could say I've got some bad memories here."

"Some good ones too," she whispers back to him.

"Yeah," he says, his hand in hers, "some good ones too."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Only a week and a half has passed since Clarke left Madi behind in Sanctum - just as much time as passed on Earth. For Clarke, it feels like years. And when she sees her daughter again, she doesn't even try to fight the tears. "Madi!" she yells out, pushing open the door to the house that she once hoped would be theirs. Gaia stands in the kitchen. The faint aroma of some sort of broth wafts its way to where Clarke is. Her friend's eyes are wide and surprised.

"Clarke. You're back."

"Where's Madi?" Clarke says, and she knows she must sound frantic, but she hasn't spent this much time away from Madi since meeting her. And after everything she's been through, she just needs to see her daughter, alive, in one piece, and dare she hope for happiness too?

Before Gaia can say anything, Madi comes rushing down the stairs. "Clarke!" she says, rushing into her mother's arms. Clarke doesn't know how long she holds her for, doesn't know how much time passes, only that she could live in this moment forever and never want it to end. Madi pulls away, her face bright with joy and curiosity. "Did you find Bellamy?"

Clarke opens her mouth to deliver the good news when she hears footsteps round the corner and enter the room. She'd know the sound of those steps anywhere. She feels a silent, private pleasure at knowing he had stood there, waiting for her, allowing her this moment with Madi, untouched by anyone else.

She wonders, as she watches Madi rush into Bellamy's arms, if he knows that all she's ever wanted, since the moment she and Madi found each other, was for him to join their family. For Madi to love him as much as she did, if that was even possible.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It doesn't take long to find out how Sanctum had been faring. The situation was precarious, getting more and more so by the day, but Indra had done a good job at maintaining order. Everyone feels safe, if unhappy. It also doesn't take long to tell Madi and Gaia that they were going home. Back to Earth. They immediately begin packing.

Clarke had wanted to go with Raven to the town square, but Raven knew that she would rather go see Madi. She told Clarke that she would take care of telling the public. "And what about Nakara?"

"I'll follow up on my idea. Trust me, okay?"

And it turns out, as usual, that Clarke was right to trust Raven Reyes. Because Raven, at the back of her mind, knew that in general, the people of Eligius would never be happy under someone's thumb. They have the equipment and the experience to make Nakara bearable for themselves. And it's a planet in which they call the shots, they make the rules, and no one can ever step in and change that for them. After all, if anyone is going to thrive on an ice planet, it would be a mining colony.

About two-thirds of Eligius decide to go to Nakara. One-third decide to join the remnants of Wonkru and the grounders on earth. Clarke is struck by the brilliance of the idea. She never would have thought of that, of offering something no one in their right mind would take. But Raven's faith was strong enough. Which meant that all there is left to do… is go home.

They spend the day packing, and Eligius certainly has more preparation to do than is possible, but as the suns start to set in Sanctum, those returning to Earth are ready. Clarke braces herself for yet another goodbye. This goodbye is easier, yet Clarke feels the familiar pangs in her heart anyway as she faces Gabriel, the man who had saved her life.

"Sanctum is in good hands," she says, taking his and holding them tightly.

"I hope so." He has a daunting task ahead of him - the Children of Gabriel, and the people of Sanctum. They seem irreparably fractured, but Clarke has witnessed firsthand how resilient the human race can be. She knows that, with time, things will get easier. "If I have my way, the names of the Primes will quickly be forgotten," Gabriel says. "But my people will remember the name of Clarke Griffin. I'll make sure of that."

Clarke opens her mouth to respond - to say thank you, to say he's giving her too much credit, but when she feels her voice catch, she abandons the idea of any words that could express her gratitude and hugs him instead. It's strange. She's known him for so brief a time, and yet, he has made his way into her heart. Still, when she pulls away, she takes a step back, knowing there's someone who needs a goodbye with him more than she could ever understand.

Echo, with tears streaming down her face, steps close to him. Clarke wants to move away, to give them a moment of privacy, but she stays with Bellamy, Raven, Murphy, Emori, everyone headed to Earth with her. They stay close to her, close enough that she knows she is not alone in this. "I can't believe I'm losing both of you in one day," she says to him.

"We're not losing each other," Gabriel replies simply, with that effortless wisdom that must only come from a life so long. "We're returning home. I'm just grateful that, for a time, our home was with each other."

Echo nods, swallowing the lump in her throat, but the tears tempt her anyway. "It's just… Hope…" She doesn't have to elaborate. Gabriel knows exactly what she means and the rest of the group can guess.

"You love her. And she loves you. That will never fade. But Earth is where you belong."

"And Sanctum is your home."

There's a moment of silence, thick and heavy with pain. Then, Gabriel smiles. "All your stories about the solitary Azgeda spy. Look at you now, Echo. You have the biggest family I've ever seen."

Echo turns, seeing the small crowd behind her, meeting each of their eyes in turn. Clarke is surprised to find respect in her gaze. Finally, she turns back to Gabriel for the last time. "You will always be part of it."

"Goodbye, my friend," Gabriel says, pressing her hand to his heart.

In ten minutes, they are back at the Anomaly stone. First, Raven presses the symbol for Nakara, watching Eligius step through. Then, she presses the symbols for Earth. "Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to go home."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

They sleep under the stars together. Tomorrow, once the Anomaly stone is shut down, it will be time to start rebuilding. They'll have no ship to seek shelter in, and Clarke is certain that no one will want to touch the bunker. But they landed on Earth in spring. It will be hard, but she thinks that, come winter, they'll be ready.

In the morning, Raven sits with her helmet on. It's time. Everyone has dispersed, but they're still all on edge. The only people who remain with Raven are Clarke, Bellamy, Miller, Madi, Murphy, Emori, Echo, Jackson, Niylah, Indra, Gaia, and Jordan. The people who started this journey together will see it to its end. "Sky Ring just went dark," Raven says. Bellamy looks down, but Clarke doesn't have time to worry about him. "So did Bardo. And Sanctum." Clarke breathes the smallest sigh of relief, but she was never worried about those planets. Between Gabriel, Doucette, and Octavia, she trusted them to get the job done. It's the remaining two she worries about.

"There goes Nakara," Raven says, only two minutes later. That leaves Etherea. Clarke had some good moments on Etherea, but she knows that she sure as hell doesn't want to go back there. Bellamy reaches for her hand. Whatever happens, they're in it together. Raven slowly pulls off her helmet. The expression on her face shows a mixture of triumph and awe. "Etherea just went dark. They're all offline…" Raven looks at the stone, hovering in front of them. When it's destroyed, the bunker will be abandoned forever. It's better that way. "Clarke. You wanna do the honors?"

Clarke smiles, but she looks to Bellamy. He knows what she's thinking without her ever having to say it. "Together?" he whispers.

And she nods. "Together."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

There was one thing Raven didn't count for during all her countless simulations. The Anomaly stone might be easily destroyed, but a device that transported you across the universe, that was centuries old, that had weathered two nuclear apocalypses, wouldn't go quietly. The destruction blast from the stone throws Bellamy and Clarke across the room, sending them ricocheting off opposite walls, ripping their hands from each other.

After a long silence, and a ringing in his ears, Bellamy sits up with a groan. In the dim light of the bunker, the Anomaly stone lies in gray, lifeless pieces, nothing but mere shambles. He looks across the room at Clarke, with something halfway between a grin and a grimace on his face, and sees her lying on the ground. Completely still.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke should be surprised when she finds herself in the Ark. But somehow, somewhere deep inside her, she knows she's safe. Until she sees Wells at the end of the hallway. Only it's not Wells. It's someone she never thought she'd see again.

"What did I do wrong?" she says as he comes closer. Her heart is sunk in defeat. "What's my story now?"

But he surprises her. "I have no more stories to tell. Not to you, anyway."

Clarke shakes her head, not allowing herself to believe it, not yet. "Does that mean I did it?" she whispers.

"I don't know yet. Your guess is as good as mine."

"What is your guess?"

He smiles, a rare sight. "I think so."

For a moment, Clarke allows herself to feel the triumph of that victory. She saved Bellamy and Madi. She saved the human race. She can only hope it's the last time such a burden falls on her shoulders. Then she looks up, realizing the Pillowman has been staring steadily at her. "I'm not going to see you again, am I?" She should be relieved, but there's a slight sadness accompanying these words.

"No. No matter what happens. No more way out. There had to be some price for what I gave you."

She narrows her eyes, deep in thought. All those weeks since they stood there together on Sanctum had provided no answer to her question. "Why did you help me?"

The Pillowman hesitates for a moment. He could tell her. He could tell her everything he saw, the death of all her friends, the destruction of humanity, and the awful, awful misery of it all. Instead, he says, "Just be grateful that I did."

Clarke nods, looking around at the walls of the Ark. "I never thought I'd be here again." Then, she remembers the day of Praimfaya, and the rocket that had always seemed too good to be true. "Well, once. But this part was destroyed on re-entry, wasn't it? So where did you bring me?"

"Perhaps it's best I don't share the true limits of my abilities, just in case you try to test them again." It's the closest he's ever come to making a joke.

"What can I say?" Clarke tosses back. "I always try to make good use of an ally." For a moment, they smile at each other. "Fine. if you won't tell me where, then why did you bring me here?"

"This is where we first met. I thought it was only fitting this is where we should say goodbye."

Clarke takes a deep breath. "Am I going to forget you after this?" Like all the other times, she thinks.

"No. But you can never tell anyone about me."

One secret from those she loves in exchange for a lifetime spent with them. "I think that's fair. But that means… That means I'm the only person in the universe who will remember you. Is that right?"

This had never occurred to the Pillowman before. "I suppose so."

"Then I promise I won't forget what you did for me. For all of us. I could spend the rest of my life thanking you and it still wouldn't be enough."

"Just live well. That will be plenty."

For a long while, they just look at each other. The Pillowman will get to look over her, watch her live, and watch her love. But this is all Clarke has. She's not just thinking of the Pillowman. She's thinking of Wells, the boy she loved all her life. The fact that she'll really never see his face again. But the Pillowman breaks their silence.

"You should go back. Time hasn't frozen this time. Your friends are worried about you." He gives it one more moment. "It's time you went home."

Clarke says nothing more. He already knows everything she could possibly tell him. Instead, she turns and walks back down the hallway, filled with complete confidence that it will take her where she needs to go.

She will never forgive that other Clarke for what she would have done to Bellamy. She will never understand. But the Pillowman forgave her instantly - Or, rather, he never felt the need to forgive her in the first place. Because he knew what that Clarke, who still existed somewhere, in some other universe, somewhere fate had not been so kind, would never tell a soul, not for the rest of her life.

That moments before pulling the trigger, when she was so sure that she would never be able to do it, Clarke had heard Bellamy's voice in her ear, as loudly as if he was standing right next to her. Her Bellamy. The one who would never have let her get tortured. Who would never have put Madi in danger. Who was always on her side, even when he was the only one. "It's okay, Clarke. Do what you have to do. It's okay. Take the shot, kill the enemy, and bring our people home."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Bellamy sits by Clarke's side as he waits for her to wake, riddled with worry, and pain, and regret. He doesn't know this yet, but it is the last time for a long time he will have to worry about losing her.

When Clarke wakes up, she smells greenery all around her. Someone has carried her outside, placing her carefully in the pocket of sunshine, just where the trees parted to let it through. She doesn't have to wonder at who. She's pretty sure it's the same person who's holding her hand. When she opens her eyes, meeting Bellamy's worried ones, she knows that they have finally, finally found their way out of the dark.

He doesn't say anything, and neither does she. All she does is throw her arms around him, embracing more than just the man she loves - She is embracing the beginning of everything.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

(Still, there is something she will always suspect, but will never know for sure. Hours after waking up in Bellamy's arms, she will find dried black blood at the back of her head - too much. And she will wonder, forever, what the Pillowman knows to be true. That the universe required a greater price for the gift he gave her than what he ever made her pay. That between Josephine, M-Cap, and that one final blow to the head, her mind had endured too much. That Clarke Griffin would have died had the Pillowman not saved her, one last time.)

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

As the days start to pass without incident, Clarke keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, the fatal sign to show her that once again, this peace is fragile and can be shattered in an instant. But as the weeks draw on, the peace among those left only becomes sturdier. There's only about eight hundred of them on this planet. And while there are still challenges, eight hundred peace-hungry people are a lot easier to control than twelve clans.

Still, there are other considerations. They have no clue what month it is, but winter has to come eventually. Raven draws up schematics to make sure they have proper shelter and a working food system. Emori helps. But Clarke is still undoubtedly the leader. It's a burden she never seems to be able to shake, but as time passes, it starts to feel less like a burden and more like a duty. For a long time, Clarke thought those two things were the same, but she doesn't anymore.

Maybe that's because this time she's not alone. She has Bellamy to lean on. Every time she second-guesses herself, she asks him what he thinks, and she listens to him more than she ever did their first time on Earth. It almost starts to feel like it did when it was just the hundred, when it was she and Bellamy against the world. In more ways than one.

Because they still haven't talked about that day by the lake. She keeps waiting for him to say something. At first, she thinks maybe it was Echo keeping him quiet. But after Hope and the five years on Sky Ring, not to mention Bellamy's long months on Etherea, they seem to have come to some sort of understanding. So Clarke realizes the only thing that's keeping Bellamy quiet is… Bellamy.

She's not sure if she regrets what she said, but she knows she meant it. All of it. She also knows that if she had been sure they'd make it out of that scrape alive, those words would never have left her lips. But she tries not to dwell on it too much. Because he's alive. He's alive and by her side, and how many times has she prayed to a god she doesn't believe in that if he just gave her that, she'd never ask for anything more?

It doesn't stop that tiny, traitorous voice in her mind whispering, maybe you were wrong. Maybe, all these years, you had never understood what was in his heart.

It takes six months for that voice to go away. Six months busily spent preparing for the winter, months that paid off and kept their people safe. They built rudimentary cabins, not much more than four walls and a bed, maybe a table if you got lucky. But they did the trick. And somehow, without so much as a conversation, it's known to everyone that she and Bellamy will live together. There's a room for Madi, and a room for them. Only one room. With only one bed. And since Bellamy was in charge of their floor plan, Clarke can't help but wonder if that means something.

For the first time in her life, she realizes that she and Bellamy have nothing but time. She's in no rush. She'll take his cues. She spent six years longing for him, for the smallest, smallest piece of him she could have, for one word, for one look, for the feel of his hand on hers, the ghost of a touch. She lived on dreams and memories. Now, if she gets to wake up next to him every day, she doesn't care if that's all she gets.

After all, it's more than she has ever allowed herself to hope for.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

But, of course, Clarke and Bellamy don't even make it one night in their new home without Bellamy enacting a plan he'd had in the works for ages. As far as his plans usually go, this is one of the simpler ones. And Clarke realizes he had only been waiting. Waiting until they had a home together. Madi is asleep, the fire is burning and they're sitting on the makeshift rug he'd bartered with a grounder woman for.

It reminds Clarke of a fire they sat by years ago, when they were looking for Finn, when she awoke to see Bellamy look at her the way he's looking at her now. But when he very quietly, very earnestly says, "I have to tell you something," Clarke's mind goes to a dark place. Years of instinct working within her.

"What? What's wrong?" she asks, alarmed.

"Nothing," he says immediately. "I just…" He takes a deep breath. "I didn't want to say it because I thought I might never get the chance again. I wanted to tell you when I knew I could tell you over and over."

"Bellamy…" she whispers, realizing what's happening, and though she's waited for years, she still doesn't feel ready.

"I wanted us to be home before I told you what you already know."

As it turns out, she never had to worry about that voice in her head. Not seven years ago, and certainly not now.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

When they fall into bed that night, for the first time in her life, Clarke is not afraid of giving Bellamy too much, of revealing her hand, of laying it all on the table. He kisses her first this time, and it's as good as she thought it would be. His lips are soft, and his hands are firm, though she's pretty sure hers are shaking. He's pressed against her tightly, and yet she can't seem to bring him close enough. "This is all I've ever wanted," he whispers, pulling away for the briefest moment.

"I know," she says, sliding her hand down his face. "Me too."

Bellamy grins. "Yeah," he says, leaning in to kiss her again, "I'm starting to figure that out."

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

The Pillowman never regrets his choice to help Clarke, but he questions it all the time. Why there was, for the first time in his life, a voice in his head telling him to go back. But he stops questioning when the first child on Earth is born. The alien wearing Lexa's face had forbidden the birth of any new children. But Murphy and Emori are crying and laughing at the same time, caressing their daughter's face as Clarke cuts the umbilical cord, tears streaming down her own face.

Only a year later, Clarke will give birth to her own baby boy, Bellamy holding one hand and Madi holding the other. He wears her mother's ring now, around his pinky finger, and it will press into her palm as she cries in pain. She'll be scared when she finds out - though not as scared as Bellamy, who barely wants to let her do anything but rest during the entire pregnancy, will be. But it's a good kind of scared. She doesn't worry for the fate of this child, or what the cruel world might do to him. Her son will be born into the world she's been creating. And it has taken her all this time to realize it. She's been working so hard to build a better world. When she looks into her son's brown eyes for the first time, so similar to his father's, she knows exactly why.

And he sees further into the future. Ten years. When Earth is thriving and peacetime reigns. When a foreign ship touches down on Earth and all of Clarke's worst fears flash before her eyes.

She's out with Raven, half-heartedly scavenging fruit, but mostly just laughing together, when she sees it in the sky, descending quickly, the roar of the engines suddenly deafening. "Clarke…" Raven says, fear flashing in her eyes.

"Go get Bellamy. Tell him what's happening, but don't tell him where. I'll handle this."

"That doesn't seem like a good idea -"

"Raven, do what I say!" Clarke might have ten years of peace under her belt, but that doesn't mean she's forgotten the fragility of it. Madi is a young woman now. And she could still be ripped from Clarke at any moment. Raven disappears back towards their homes, running now, and Clarke steadily walks ahead, trying to look confident. Luckily, she still carries a gun, and she pulls it, though she hasn't had to fire it for years. She hears the not-so-distant hiss of the ship's doors opening, and it unleashes a myriad of memories, most of them unpleasant. Her hand starts shaking but she steadies it. She can't let them think she's afraid.

A figure emerges from between the trees with his hands held high in the air at the same moment Bellamy, gun drawn, appears sprinting through the trees. Clarke rolls her eyes. "That was fast."

"Yeah, well, Raven knew better than to obey your bullshit order."

"Clarke Griffin?" The man in front of them says. The pit in her stomach hardens. She's pretty sure there are more of them, hanging back in the trees, but more importantly, she knows that nothing good comes with strangers knowing her name, especially strangers from new planets. But then, he directs his gaze next to them. "Bellamy Blake?"

They exchange a look. "How the hell do you know my name?"

"Pictures," the man says hastily, his hands still hovering in the air. Clarke still doesn't want to lower her gun, not yet. "Drawings. She wrote that they weren't as good as yours, but it's as good a likeness as I've ever seen."

"Who the hell are you talking about? Where the hell are you from?"

"Sorry," the man says, smiling again. For the first time, Clarke wonders if maybe - just maybe - he's not so much of a threat as she thought. "We were warned about how to approach contact with you, and I'm doing a terrible job. I told them not to make me the envoy." He laughs as if he just made a joke they're all part of, but he's only met with blank stares.

"Who warned you and what do they want?"

The man sighs, lowering his hands. "I'm not a threat. I mean your people no harm. I'm from Aeaea. But you might know it as Sky Ring." With those words, Bellamy drops his gun. Clarke, too.

"Is -" Bellamy trips over his words, not sure how to reignite the long-dead hope of seeing his sister. "Is Octavia the one who sent you? Is she with you?"

The man looks down. "Two hundred years have passed since your sister first settled on Sky Ring."

Clarke blinks, surprised. That much time? It's only been a decade on Earth. But then again, she's almost surprised more time hasn't passed.

"But she is the one who sent me. All of us. It's taken centuries to create the resources to build this rocket. We only got here so quickly because we had Bardoan settlers to draw up the blueprints. Our mission is to reconnect with the settlers on Earth. But my mission is slightly different."

Bellamy shakes his head, unable to process anything he's learned. The man pulls a letter from his jacket's inside pocket. "This is an artifact from our world's only existing museum. It's a letter from Octavia Blake addressed to her brother, to be delivered upon our return to Earth."

Bellamy never tells Clarke what's in the letter and she never asks. But she holds him as he cries while reading it, and she watches as he helps get the Sky Ring settlers situated, doing his best to extract any information he can possibly get from his long-dead sister's well-lived life.

The Pillowman watches too. Watches how against all odds, these people have found peace. Because of his decision to trust Clarke Griffin. It's a decision that he never questions again.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke spent years wondering, if on the off chance humanity survived, how their history books would remember her. Would she be the villain of their story? Would she be even a footnote? A failure? A cautionary tale? But she doesn't think about that anymore.

It doesn't matter how she's remembered. It only matters how she lived.

She saved the people she was born to save. They surround her. They love her. She can't ask for more than that. Only now, she allows herself to look past tomorrow. And from the moment Bellamy told her he loved her too, and they fell into each other, his lips brushing softly against hers, then roughly, passionately, like he could have her forever and he knew it, she allowed herself to hope for it too.

For something better. For more than she had ever promised herself before. Anything could happen to ruin what they had. Clarke will never forget this. It's a lesson she learned the minute the airlock opened and she watched her father die. But she doesn't live her life in fear, and neither does Bellamy. She watches their children laughing - not just her kids, but her friends'. Her neighbors'. Her people's. She watches their kids play together in the Earth sunshine, living a life that has never known the bloody touch of war. They have only ever known peace.

And on her good days, the days without nightmares, or monsters, the days when Bellamy is there to hold her hand and remind her, Clarke finally lets herself admit that they have her to thank for that.