Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Castiel made breakfast as he waited for Balthazar to wake up and come down. Jack had already left for school, and it was the nurse’s day off, so Castiel didn’t expect him down early.

When he did come out of the bedroom, stretching his back and yawning, Cas set out the breakfast spread.

Baltahzar ran a hand through his hair as he sat down. “It looks delicious, darling.”

he sat down and picked up his cup of coffee. “yeah, thanks. Figured…”

he glanced sideways as he added several teaspoons of sugar to his tea. “Well, I appreciate it.” he said simply, not pushing at the intentions.

“any plans for the day?”

He stirred his tea. “I doubt it. Perhaps go back to bed.” he smirked. “Perhaps some snogging.”

Cas nodded, frowning in thought.

Balthazar took a long swig of tea and then set the cup down to pick up his buttered toast. “Has something come up with Jack?”

“What? no.”

“Mm...is it Aisa then?”

“No? Why would it be her?”

“You have something on your mind, and unless you want me to call Meg and have her get it out of you…”

“I want to have sex with you.”

Balthazar inhaled sharply and promptly choked on his bite of toast. He set the rest of the slice down as he started coughing.

Castiel winced and reached over to pound his boyfriend on his back.

He waved him off and finally managed to clear his lungs. He sat back, wiping the tears from his eyes. “...alright. Not that I’m not flattered by the proposition, darling – but you told me you were asexual.” it was half a question and half a statement.

“I am. I think. Maybe grey ace? I don’t know – I’ve been doing some reading…” he admitted, a little pink.

“Reading is good.” Balthazar said sincerely, reaching over and taking Cas’ hand.

“But you aren’t ace.”

“No. I’m not. But I can also take care of myself.” he said firmly. “Sex does not necessarily make or break a relationship.”

Cas frowned. “I know that. But…”

“I’m not your wife. We can never have sex and I will still love you.” he promised.

“I know. And….and im not sure I want you to touch me but...I’d really like to touch you.” he sighed and scrubbed his free hand over his face. “I want….I want to please you – I like doing that. And….you don’t touch me. I just-” he glanced over at Balthazar and realised his boyfriend was very, very interested in the proposition.

Balthazar chuckled. “So you just want me to lie back and think of England?” he kissed Cas’ hand. “I think I can manage that. In fact…” he got up and left the kitchen for a moment.

Castiel blinked when he came back with a pair of padded handcuffs. “What are those-”

“Call it a hunch but….I think you would like me tied down and at your mercy.” he set the cuffs on the table and sat down to eat again.

“I do not want you at my mercy – I want to please you.”

“Oh trust me. This would please me very much.” he looked at Cas with eyes darkened with arousal.

He nodded slowly and picked up the cuffs to look them over curiously. “So...we need a safeword then?”

“It would be a good idea. For both of us. I have always used the colour system – if something isn’t broken don’t fix it.”

“Colour system – red for stop, yellow for slow, green for enthusiastic consent.” he recited.

“Someone has been reading.” he smirked.

He blushed again.

“Did you have anything in mind?”

“I just want to touch you. I….read up on anal play and wanted to try fingering.”

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.” Balthazar leaned over and kissed him. “I am at your disposal whenever you are ready.”

“….after breakfast?”

He breathed in with anticipation. “if I eat faster….”

“Don’t choke.” he said, sipping his coffee.

He chuckled again, and settled back in his chair to eat.

When breakfast was done and the table cleared, Castiel opened the dishwasher. “Go get on the bed.” he told Balthazar. “keep your clothes on.”

he nodded and tried not to look too eager as he left the kitchen.

Castiel took his time rinsing the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher. He was nervous. This was his first time with a man, and also the first time in charge. He belatedly wondered if he should have Balthazar uncuffed so when he was aroused enough he could take charge like Eve did. That was the way it had always gone...what if Balthazar didn’t like what Cas did?

He breathed in and closed the dishwasher. It was the same type of body as his own – if anything, it should be easier to please him than it had been to please Eve.

And Balthazar certainly looked excited.

He left the kitchen, wandering down the hall to the bedroom.

Balthazar had already cuffed himself to the headboard and was lying on the bed. He was still fully dressed, and he lifted his head to look at Cas when he entered the room. He didn’t say anything, just arched an eyebrow.

Cas stepped out of his slippers and came to sit on the bed beside his boyfriend. His slid his hand over the soft t shirt Balthazar wore, and felt his stomach rise and fall with quickened breaths. He slid his hand up his chest until he felt nipples under the fabric.

Balthazar was breathing quickly, and he kept his eyes on Castiel.

Castiel glanced up quickly, and went back to following his hands as they traced lightly over the soft fabric. He rolled a hard nipple in between his fingers and Balthazar’s breathing stuttered. Cas glanced up at the sound of the cuffs rattling against the headboard, but his boyfriend had only twisted his hands around to clutch at the bars. “Yellow?” he guessed.

“Green. Green.” he said in a rough voice.

“Oh.” he nodded and reached down. He pulled the hem of the t-shirt up, rolling it until it sat under Balthazar’s chin. He looked over the expanse of white skin, and ran light fingers down over the hair leading down into his sweats.

Balthazar shivered and tensed.

“Good?”

“Still green.” he got out.

Castiel studied Balthazar’s chest. He traced over the few scars on the skin, and probed the lines of defined muscles. He traced the lines of the navel until they reached the waistband of the sweats, and noted with some satisfaction that there was a growing bulge under the cover of the trousers.

Trailing his hands back up his torso, he traced little circles around Balthazar’s hard nipples. He rolled one in between his fingers, and leaned down to suck the other into his mouth.

Balthazar gasped and arched up involuntarily.

Cas frowned. “Stay still.” he said without thinking.

He whined, falling flat back on the bed.

He’d already fucked up. “Oh, oh I’m sorry – I didn’t mean-” He reached for the cuffs, to undo them – to maybe try another day.

“Green - green.” Balthazar promised in an almost shaking voice.

Castiel looked up in surprise, and met his boyfriend’s almost black eyes. “Aisa wouldn’t…”

“I’m not Aisa. And she’s an idiot anyway.” he huffed, getting himself slightly under control.

“Oh.”

“And I’d rather we not talk about your cheating ex-wife when you’re doing your best to render me satisfied...so if we can get back to the foreplay?” he asked hopefully, wriggling a little.

Castiel half smiled before bending over and licking a circle around the closer nipple. He let his teeth gently scrape across the pebbled surface, and listened to Balthazar pant above him. He flicked the other nipple with his nail and Balthazar whined again.

He didn’t move though, and Castiel could feel him almost trembling with the effort to not arch up into his mouth.

“Such a good boy.” he said, feeling a little awkward, and expecting Balthazar to laugh at his attempt. Instead, his boyfriend just moaned and twisted his hands in their cuffs.

“Thank you sir.” Balthazar murmured, looking more than a little dazed.

The look in his boyfriend’s face, and that little honorific left a growing pool of heat in Castiel’s own stomach. This was….Balthazar was right as usual: he definitely liked this. He got up, ignoring Balthazar’s whimper of disappointment as he stopped touching him; and he swung his leg over his boyfriends, straddling his hips.

Balthazar was nearly shaking with the effort it to to not buck his hips up into Cas’ and chase an orgasm.

Cas slid a hand up his chest and leaned down. Shifting his weight, he could feel Balthazar’s hard cock beneath him, and his boyfriend moaned long. Cas kissed him, swallowing the sound.

Balthazar’s kiss was more hesitant than usual. In normal circumstances, he was more than willing to take the lead in snogging – but here? Now the circumstances were different and he was very very obviously willing to let Castiel lead.

Cas bit at his lip and kissed him hard enough to bruise. Reaching down, he started twisting and pulling at a nipple again as he started sucking a hickey into Balthazar’s throat.

“Oh god….” he moaned. “Please….”

“Please?”

Balthazar couldn’t seem to think. His pupils were blown almost all of the way out with lust, and he couldn’t seem to figure out what he wanted. He whined again, pulling on the cuffs.

Cas hesitated, and then shifted his weight again, purposefully grinding against Balt’s cock. “This?”

His breathing stuttered. “What-whatever you want. Sir.”

Oh. Oh that was going to be addicting. “I might never let you out of bed after this.” He murmured, sliding down to bite at the nipple he had been playing with. “Might just keep you tied up so I can play with you whenever I want.”

He whimpered. “Please.”

“You make such pretty noises.” No wonder Eve had always topped: this was the best kind of drug. He nipped at the skin around the nipple, and Balthazar made a strangled sound.

“….still good?”

It took a moment, but Balthazar was able to answer: “Still green. Please…”

Castiel was surprised at how into this his boyfriend was. He had always assumed he’d be a top – had assumed that he would be the same in bed as he was during making out. Hed be all ‘darling’ and flirting and promises of more, but this… Castiel wasn’t even undressed for this. He didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to – had the suspicion this would only work as long as he didn’t do anything he didn’t want to. He knew he needed to read more. He knew he wanted to do this again. Watching Balthazar be so undone and yet so trusting….

Balthazar was panting in between moan s , and he tossed his head back and forth as Castiel took turns playing with and worrying his nipples.

“So hot, Balthazar...so perfect.”

“Please, please-”

“Please what?”

“I don’t...I don’t know. I don’t…”

Cas would have to ask him later when he was coherent if there was something he could do better, but for now… He ground his hips down on Balthazar’s erection again and was rewarded with the sound of his name being sobbed out.

H e dug his blunt nails into Balt’s shoulder and dragged it down his chest, leaving four red lines in the white skin. He gently traced the red lines and then made a matching set down the other side of his chest. “You’re so good.” Cas praised, and watched him nearly melt into a puddle. He laughed a little, relaxing himself and kneading Balthazar’s pecs. He shifted his weight to stretch out a cramp in his calf, and Balthazar tensed with the effort not to move.

“Oh god. Gods please….whatever – whatever you want, please.” he begged with a whimper.

Cas leaned down to bite at his lip and kiss him deeply, shifting his weight on purpose.

He got off Balthazar, who keened in need and disappointment. “Hush. Im just trying something else.” He grabbed the waistband of Balthazar’s sweats and boxers, and pulled them down. His boyfriend tried to help by moving his legs to pull them out of the clothes, but he was disoriented and more of a hindrance than a help.

Balthazars erection sprang free of the waistband as it was pulled down, and it bobbed in the air, red and throbbing.

When Castiel got the trousers off, he came back to the bed and nudged his boyfriends legs open. He knelt between them, reaching out to trace the thick vein that ran on the underside of his shaft.

His hips bucked before he could control himself. “Sorry – I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Castiel promised. “You’re perfect.” he said, on a hunch.

As expected, Balthazar’s cock jumped at the praise, and he melted into the bed again.

He smiled and traced the veins on the shaft experimentally. Balthazar whimpered at each touch, and kept twisting his hands in the cuffs that held him to the bed. Castiel slid one hand down to lift and stroke Balthazar’s balls, while the other kneaded the closest thigh.

Precum leaked out of the cock, and Castiel dipped a finger in it.

Balthazar shuddered. “Anything, please – just...please-”

Cas dipped his head and sucked the liquid off the head of Balt’s cock.

He keened and arched a little up to follow Cas’ mouth as he pulled back in distaste.

“That was gross…” he muttered.

“Please. I can’t. Please.” he stuttered.

He reached out and wrapped a hand around the cock, stroking it experimentally.

Balthazar’s eyes rolled back in his head and he groaned with pleasure. “Oh gods yes...yes please….thank you...god sir!”

Castiel suddenly pulled his hand back. “Oh fuck, I almost forgot…”

He whimpered and opened his eyes to look for Cas. “What-?”

he shifted and leaned down to look at the angle for Balt’s hole. He shifted a leg, and then the other; and his boyfriend whined as he ignored the weeping cock.

After a moment of looking and muttering, Balthazar got a hold of himself to ask a properly worded question. “hey. What do you need, darling?” his voice was rough as if he had been screaming in pleasure.

“Uh…” he was pink and he scratched his head. “I wanted to finger you but...the logistics…”

Balthazar blinked as it took a moment to understand what the problem was. He chuckled fondly . “ You could have just asked - I put the lube on the bedside table.” He winced as he closed his legs and rolled over onto his stomach. He crossed his hands at the wrists so the cuffs didn’t have to be undone, and he got his knees under him. He presented his ass to Castiel and wiggled with anticipation and invitation. “Well. Get on with it, darling.” he rested his head on his forearms and tried to ignore his still heavy erection swinging under his stomach.

Castiel frowned at his wording and rested a hand on his lower back. “hey. We can stop if you need to, if this isn’t good – I mean, I barely know what I’m doing anyway-”

“What?!” he twisted his head to look back at Cas, his eyes still glazed with lust. “No. No please – unless you-? What’s your colour? We can stop if you need to.” He started to roll back onto his back.

“No, I’m fine – I’m green.” he amended. “You’re...really enjoying this?”

Balthazar frowned slightly. “Castiel Novak. I admit I don’t know how you are in the bedroom outside of this experience but I am not a masochist. If I don’t like something, I will not push myself through it. Please. Believe me when I say that I am enthusiastically enjoying this. Now. You mentioned fingering. If you aren’t tired of getting nothing back, I am very much looking forward to it.”

Castiel relaxed again. “I’m getting plenty out of this.” he promised, reaching between Balthazar’s legs to give his cock a few quick tugs.

The reaction was almost immediate as he moaned loud with pleasure and bucked helplessly into Cas’ hand.

He reached for the lube bottle and poured some over his other hand. He poured some down over Balthazar’s crack and reached out to swirl some of the liquid over the rim of his ass.

Balthazar shivered, torn between pulling away and pushing back into the touch.

He carefully pressed one finger into his ass, surprised at how easily it slid in.

he moaned. “Gods please...more, please. Anything. Please.” he kept a steady litany of disjointed pleas.

Castiel twisted his finger inside Balthazar, being extra careful to slowly stretch out his ass. As he moved his finger around, he felt inside for something – not sure what it would feel like. He had tried to find it in himself, but the angle had been too difficult and he had gotten grossed out. He had to admit it was a completely different situation with someone so vocally enjoying his touch.

He knew he found the prostate when Balthazar’s whole body seized up and he whined in that high sound Castiel realised was just pure pleasure that was almost too much for him to handle. He kept stretching out his ass, making sure to make regular passes over that bundle of nerves that was making Balthazar moan loud enough to generate noise complaints for the landlord.

He lubed up a second finger, to make sure it would slide in easily, and pressed it in beside the first.

Balthazar sobbed and clutched his pillow, and castiel stilled. “Still good?”

he nodded when he processed the words. “y-yeah. Green. Please. More.”

He rubbed balthazar’s thigh as he pressed the two fingers in up to the knuckle. “You’re so good for me. So perfect.”

His cock jumped again, and Castiel grimaced as he realised there was quickly becoming a puddle underneath Balthazar. Curious, he ran a hand down the back of the shaft as he pressed against the prostate from the inside.

Balthazar gave a strangled scream.

“Can you cum without your dick being touched?” he asked, curious as he scissored his fingers in his ass.

“I don’t...i haven’t before sir. Please. Its so good. I don’t.”

“Okay. Just feel, let me handle it.” he said gently. He didn’t touch Balthazar’s cock again, just pressed against his prostate and massaged it.

“good...oh god.” he moaned. “so good. Please. Please sir I need...i need…”

“You’re so good for me.” Castiel watched as his cock throbbed. “You’re so good. You beg so prettily.” he praised, pressing down on Balthazar’s back to hold him still as he tried to pull away from the persistent pressure against his prostate.

Balthazar was sobbing in a high wail from the pleasure rushing through him. He submitted to Castiel’s touch, letting himself be pushed further.

“You’re so pretty like this, so debauched.” he said softly, still pressing against his prostate. “I should just keep you like this, on edge forever. I should just keep you like this – maybe get a vibe and press it against this little bundle of nerves.”

Balthazar’s cock was jumping with each sentence, and he grasped for anything to clutch onto with his hands. His body was tightening as his orgasm got closer. “Please, I can’t I-”

“Just feel. You will cum. You will do as you are told and be a good boy-” he broke off as Balthazar came with a strangled scream, convulsing beneath his hands. Castiel kept massaging his prostate until his cock softened and he started pulling away and whimpering in pain rather than pleasure.

He pulled his fingers out of his ass and gently let him fall over onto his side. Balthazar was red with fading arousal, and tears leaked out of his eyes. Small spasms still ran through his body, but he was limp on the bed.

Cas got up and went to the bathroom to get a washcloth and a glass of water. He came back and set the water on the bedside table. “Hey. Still good?” he asked gently, starting to undo the cuffs.

Balthazar just whined and reached for him.

“give me a moment – I’ve got to clean you up.” he rolled Balthazar onto his back and started wiping his skin down, wiping away the cum and lube.

Balthazar winced in over-stimulation. “ow….” he mumbled, sounding dazed still. He pried open an eye and tried to sit up.

“Here.” he lifted the water. “Drink some, then I’ll get you under the blankets.”

“Stay?” he asked, almost as if he expected to be turned down.

“Of course. You were better than I could have ever expected.” He said again, brushing Balthazar’s hair back from his face.

He smiled softly. “you too?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” he tugged the dirty coverlet out from beneath Balthazar and threw it on the ground. He got another blanket from the closet and threw it over Balthazar before climbing into the bed beside him and pulling him close.

“I can suck you off.” Balthazar offered sleepily.

“No.” he said firmly. “I’m good, thanks.”

Chapter Text

Balthazar was apparently cuddly after sex. He didn’t seem to care that he was still naked and Castiel was completely clothed, he just wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist and hummed as his hair was stroked. After a few hours, when Castiel made noises about lunch, he finally sat up. He kissed Cas and went to take a shower and that was it. There had been no discussion, no explanation – besides the handcuffs on the bedside table and the stained coverlet, it was as if it had never happened.

The week continued as usual. Balthazar went to work, Cas brushed up on his coding skills, they made out after supper…

Castiel spent more time reading too. He didn’t want to get off to Balthazar now, but he definitely wanted to reduce him to a moaning mess again. He wanted that feeling of...power. That delightful heat that settled in his stomach and made him feel all fuzzy. The high he got from playing with Balthazar was like an orgasm, but so so much better – Cas couldn’t explain it. All he knew was that he wanted to do it again.

So when Balthazar had a day off again and came downstairs in his soft t-shirt and sweats, Cas swallowed in anticipation. There was, of course, the chance that Balthazar would say no but...he didn’t think that would really happen.

Balthazar had poured himself a bowl of cereal and was sipping his tea when Cas worked up the courage to speak.

“I want to do it again.”

“Do what again, darling?” he asked carelessly, glancing over at Cas.

“I want to try giving you multiple orgasms.”

he promptly choked on his tea.

He winced. “Sorry…”

Balthazar’s face was red as he coughed hard. “You...you have got to get better timing, Cassie!” He rubbed his chest and he coughed a few more times. “You’ll kill me before we get anywhere fun.”

He opened his mouth to apologise again – to dismiss the idea – but then he noticed Balthazar was watching him with eyes darkened with lust. “You...like the idea?”

He breathed in a steadying breath and adjusted himself. “yes, Darling. I do. Did you have any other...goals? In mind?”

Cas came to sit beside him at the table. “Uh…i still don’t want you to touch me so...I wanted to tie you up again? If that is alright with you.”

He was focused completely on Castiel, his face flushing with arousal. “That is alright, angel.”

“And I just…wanted to see how many orgasms I could make you have.”

Balthazar swallowed and reached blindly for his cup of tea to wet his suddenly dry mouth. “I...think that sounds like heaven.”

He frowned slightly. “I read it can be painful, and that it can be a punishment…”

“But it’s not. A punishment, I mean. And I don’t...think I can explain to you just how hot the situation sounds to me.”

he relaxed a little. “Really?”

He nodded, setting his tea down and leaning over to Cas. He wrapped a hand behind his neck and pulled him forward to kiss him. “Of course, darling.”

Cas leaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Balthazar. “I love you.”

“I know.” he sat back with a smirk, looking calm even though he was obviously aroused.

“Smug asshole.”

he chuckled and lifted up his bowl of cereal. “it is my best personality.”

he rolled his eyes. “It’s your only personality.”

“Exactly!”

When Balthazar was finished eating – after somehow not choking on his cereal even though he practically inhaled it – he sat at the table, looking at Cas expectantly.

Feeling a little awkward, Cas had gotten up. “Um...bedroom? I guess. Uh, you can take off your clothes this time.”

he nodded, pulling his shirt off as he led the way to the bedroom.

Cas admired his muscles moving in his back as they walked, and by the time they reached the bed, Balthazar had kicked off his sweats and was pulling off his boxers.

“I could get used to this. A wonderful way to spend my days off.” he sounded amused as his eyes stayed locked on Cas.

He avoided looking at his naked boyfriend as he went to grab the handcuffs from the side table. “Turn around. Uh...please?” he tacked on with a wince.

“Of course, darling.” Balthazar turned around and knelt on the bed with his back to Cas, holding his hands out behind him.

He buckled the padded cuffs around Balthazar’s wrists and tightened them. “Comfortable?”

He nodded, letting his arms relax. “yes.”

“Okay. Uh...same rules as last time. Yellow if you need a moment, red if you need to stop. And…” he scratched his head. “I’ll try not to ask for updates when you can’t make sense.” he smiled a little. “Turn back to me?” he asked. “Just, sit on the edge of the bed.”

Balthazar obediently turned, a little awkward without the use of his hands. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and let them rest on the floor. He looked up at Cas expectantly.

Cas looked him over, still avoiding looking at his erection. He leaned down to kiss Balthazar, tilting his chin up to meet him.

They kissed for a long time, just exploring each others’ mouths and nibbling on their swollen lips. When Balthazar started making little noises of helpless pleasure, Cas pulled back to study him. His eyes were dazed with pleasure, and he leaned after Cas with some disappointment.

This was better. Less conversation, more just reactions. Cas could handle this.

He leaned in again, kissing down Balthazar’s jawline and nibbling at the healing hickey from the last time they had tried anything. His boyfriend arched his chest into him, and Cas reached up to tweak an already hard nipple.

Balthazar whined, letting his eyes fall closed. “Cassie…”

He straightened up to kiss him again, biting down on a swollen lip.

He whimpered into the kiss, shifting his hips.

Cas didn’t tell him to be still yet, just alternating between kissing him and pulling on his nipple.

“Can – can you touch the...the other one?” Balthazar asked in a husky voice.

Part of Cas wanted to say no, to hear that disappointed noise his boyfriend made. Instead, he bent down and bit gently on the untouched nipple.

He arched back, bracing himself on his cuffed hands. “Gods, Cassie...you…”

he licked the nipple and blew focused air on it.

He moaned and closed his eyes again.

He lifted his other hand to pull at the wet nipple, and moved his mouth to the other swollen nipple. He sucked on the engorged skin, letting his teeth scrape against it. Above him, Balthazar was moaning his name like it was a prayer.

“What, no sir this time?” he asked, half joking as he straightened up to kiss his boyfriend again.

“sorry sir.” he whispered against his lips, looking drugged with pleasure.

“Such a good boy.” he stroked his hair back and smiled when Balthazar whined. “Come on. Let’s get more comfortable – scoot back.”

Breathing heavily, he tried to wriggle back on the bed, and after a moment, Cas helped him. “Lie down.”

He obeyed, looking at him through dark eyes.

Cas smiled and straddled him again – just above his straining cock. “I won’t rush this – we have all day.”

He couldn’t seem to decide if he was incredibly turned on, or disappointed, and his confused whimper turned into a whine of pleasure as Castiel leaned down and focused on his nipples again.

When Cas pulled back, both of Balthazar’s nipples were red and swollen. He flicked one and Balthazar yelped in surprise. “You’re so easy…” he rolled a nipple between his fingers and tugged on it.

Balthazar arched off the bed, and Castiel pushed him back down again.

“No no. just lie there.”

“Oh gods…” he settled back onto the bed with a moan.

“I could do this all day.” he traced a circle around a nipple. “Just sit here and listen to you whine – do you think I could get you to cum if I did this long enough?”

He shuddered and groaned. “Please...oh gods, please...Cassie. Sir.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drag this out further?” he asked in some amusement.

“I’m...please. God – whatever you want just…” his eyes rolled back as Castiel finally shifted back and settled on top of his erection. He keened and arched off the bed again.

“so pretty when you do that…” Castiel pulled him off the bed to kiss him again, stopping only when he had to pull back to breathe. Balthazar followed after his lips as though breathing was optional. He rolled his hips and listened to Balthazar’s breathing stutter. “so perfect.” he breathed, scratching his nails down his chest again – making sure to catch his nipples and make him moan.

He let Balthazar fall back onto the bed, sliding his hands over his chest. He traced the muscle lines until they disappeared beneath him, and he shifted to sit upright.

“Oh my gods...please, I’m begging you...Cassie – sir. Just….” he whimpered as Cas rolled his hips again.

Castiel breathed in, letting the heat pool in his stomach again. “Alright, alright…” He rolled off Balthazar’s hips. “Come on – up on the bed.” he helped Balthazar get his legs up on the bed again.

He blinked at him, his erection leaking liberally and drenching his balls and thighs.

“Now the main event – are you still okay, Balthazar?” he asked seriously, rubbing Balthazar’s thigh.

He blinked and nodded jerkily. “Green.” he said in a rough voice.

Cas nodded and wrapped a hand around his erection, slowly sliding his hand over the velvety skin.

Balthazar was trembling and making little noises of pleasure. His hips kept making aborted movements to buck into Cas’ hand, but he managed to lie there and let Cas set the pace.

Cas squeezed his thigh again before reaching down to squeeze his balls. His hand around the shaft moved a little faster and Balthazar cried out as he seized up in an orgasm. Cas stroked him through it until he collapsed back onto the bed with a dazed look again.

He let go of his cock, letting it soften against Balthazar’s cum covered stomach. He shifted up on the bed, coming to sit beside his boyfriend’s head. He leaned down to kiss him softly, peppering his face with kisses until he started responding. “...still up for more?” he asked quietly.

Balthazar blinked, and then nodded. “Please sir?”

The heat in his stomach unfurled at the honorific. “You’re so good.” he praised, leaning down to kiss him as he tweaked a nipple. “roll over.” he said, helping Balthazar up.

He got him situated on his shoulders and his knees, propping his ass in the air again. Balthazar was still soft, but he breathed heavily in anticipation as Cas got the bottle of lube out and poured some down his crack and over his fingers. He slowly traced his finger around the rim of his anus, occassionally applying some pressure before returning to lightly traceing.

It didn’t take long for Balthazar to start pressing back against his finger, his soft moans swallowed by the bedding.

Cas pushed one finger in slowly before pulling it out again.

“Please….I need…”

“What do you need?” he asked, slowly pushing his finger back in and watching in fascination as it was swallowed up almost eagerly. He moved his finger in a circle, working on loosening Balthazar up again.

Balthazar jumped and his cock twitched when Castiel found the bundle of nerves inside of him again. “Sir-! Please – I need….please.” he whimpered, pressing back.

“You’ll get it. Just have some patience.” he said, lubing up a second finger.

He whined and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He gasped as Cas pushed a second finger in beside the first, and then moaned. “So good...it’s so good. Please, sir-”

Cas pumped his fingers in and out of Balthazar, making sure to press against his prostate with each stroke. “You’re so good...you sound so hot.” he breathed, closing his eyes and reveling at the heat pooled in his own stomach. He didn’t want to do anything about it – but it was a nice feeling.

He opened his eyes again and reached out with his free hand to stroke Balthazar’s cock.

He bucked his hips into Cas’ hand, begging for something unspoken as he moaned.

“How many times do you think I can make you cum?”

His cock twitched, and he whined into the pillow.

“Four?”

“Oh god, I can’t…”

“Maybe six even?” He was focusing on his prostate, massaging the bundle of nerves as he stroked Balthazar’s cock in a firm grip.

He didn’t know whether to push forward or backwards, and he was stuck shivering in between Cas’ hands. “Oh god….” he repeated in a broken voice, as his hands grasped at air.

Precum was leaking all over his hands, and Castiel tried to ignore it. “Balthazar. Talk to me. Tell me something.” anything to get his mind off the sticky liquid coating his hands.

He choked on air, tried to swallow his loud moans. “Oh god. Oh god. I don’t...please...feels so good. Feels so full. I want more. I want everything. Whatever you want.” he babbled. “However you want. I’ll do anything. Please sir – oh god. Cassie. Cas-” he broke off in a cry as he spasmed with another orgasm.

“You’re so good for me.” he let go of Balthazar’s softening cock and wiped his hand on the bedspread. He grabbed the bottle of lube and poured it liberally over the two fingers already in Balthazar’s ass, and the third he was getting ready to add. “That was two – we’re just getting started.”

Balthazar was shaking with the aftershocks and whimpering with overstimulation. “Yes sir.” he said breathlessly.

Cas carefully slid a third finger in between the first two, and scissored them against the still tight muscle. When Balthazar involuntarily tried to pull away, he shifted and braced an arm against his lower back. “Not yet. Be good for me.”

He whined and bucked his hips a little.

He squeezed one of his cuffed hands, and Balthazar wrapped his hands loosely around Cas’ wrists, looking for something to ground himself with.

He fucked his three fingers in and out for a minute, letting Balthazar come down a bit from his over-stimulation and start hardening again. Once his whimpers of pain had turned into moans of pleasure, he focused all of his attentions on his prostate again.

He cried out, trying to pull away. “Oh god – please, I can’t…”

“That’s not a colour.” he said carefully.

“No, no it’s not….” he agreed weakly, clenching around Cas’ hand. “Oh god please….please-!” his voice raised in a breathless whine, and he humped the empty air in front of his cock. “I can’t cum – I can’t!” he begged.

“You can.” he said patiently, still massaging that spot inside of him.

“It hurts-!”

Cas pulled his hand free of Balthazar’s, and reached below to stroke his cock again. “Is this better?”

“yes? No – oh god….” his words trailed off into unintelligible sounds of pleasure.

“Come on, Balthazar. You are doing so well. When you cum, I’ll add a fourth finger before we do it again.” he said gently.

He whimpered. “Please – please sir.” he stuttered, his hips jerking spastically. “oh god-”

“Pretty sure god isn’t watching us now.” He pressed into Balthazar’s prostate, and circled the head of his cock with his thumb.

Balthazar arched his back with a noiseless scream as he spurted cum all over the bed again.

“So good!” he praised, wiping his hand off on a clean part of the blanket. “So good.”

he was breathing heavily, listing to one side as spasms ran through his body. His eyes were half closed, and he stared blankly at the wall.

Cas eyed him as he reached for the bottle of lube again. “Three on three fingers – let’s try for four.” he said encouragingly. “You haven’t started cumming dry so….maybe we will make it to six.”

Balthazar was shaking and he moaned.

“You’re loving this.” he said thoughtfully as he carefully slid his pinky finger in beside the others.

Balthazar winced at the stretch and nodded vaguely. He groaned as Cas pumped his hand in and out of his ass, and he tried to match his moves to the tempo.

Cass laughed as Balthazar nearly fell over, his legs barely holding him up after three orgasms. “Stay still, Balthazar. Just let me take care of you.”

He closed his eyes and breathed out with the feeling, his soft cock twitching against his thigh.

“So good – so perfect.” he squeezed Balthazar’s limp hands as he continued fucking him with his fingers.

When he saw that Balthazar wasn’t shaking as badly, he returned his attention to the swollen prostate.

Balthazar gasped and whined.

“Fourth time’s the charm, right? Should we try for an untouched orgasm this time?”

He groaned in pleasure and protest.

“Maybe for your last one.” he conceded, reaching down to his cock again.

Balthazar tried to push back away from the hand on his cock, and only succeeded in pressing Cas’ fingers harder against his prostate. Unable to help himself, he ground himself backwards, chasing the feeling of orgasm that built within him even as he cried at the overstimulation that was starting to get noticeable. He whimpered and stretched his fingers out for something, anything to hold onto. His whimpers turned into broken moans as his cock finally started hardening again – slower than before.

Cas focused on pumping into the prostate with his fingers, and thumbing his hand over the head of his cock with his other hand. The noises Balthazar made were a mix of pained protests, and pleasure so strong he would never come back from it. It was like a drug to Cas. He stroked his cock a little faster. “You’re doing so good for me, you sound so perfect. I could never get tired of you – of how your cock jumps in my hand whenever I praise you. I bet I could get you to cum just from praise – you could do that couldn’t you. Because you do whatever I want. Because you’re perfect.” he kissed Balthazar’s hip and smiled as he felt him shake in a fourth orgasm.

There was hardly any cum to wipe off on the blankets now, and Cas left his twitching cock alone. He kept pressing against his prostate though, bracing a hand over his back again when Balthazar tried to squirm away. “No no. we aren’t done yet.”

“god no – no please. I can’t!” his voice was broken and wet sounding. “cas – sir. Please, I can’t! I can’t, stop – please! I’ll do anything!” he begged.

It wasn’t a colour, so Cas focused on his massage until Balthazar seized up with a weak scream, bucking against his hand. Nothing came out of his cock, so Castiel squeezed his hands.

“Just one more. Okay? Be good and give me just one more.” he said, not stopping his movements against his prostate.

Balthazar was sobbing, writhing under Cas’ hands. He spread his legs more as if that would help – fucking back against Cas’ hand. Even overstimulated, he still cried out in pleasure as ecstasy rushed through his body. His cock hadn’t hardened again, but it didn’t seem to make a difference.

“Please, please, please….” he begged.

“Just one more. You’re doing perfectly.” he promised, massaging a little harder.

Balthazar seized up, and his eyes rolled back in his head. His mouth opened in a silent, breathless scream, and his ass pulsed around Cas’ hand. He shook in place for a moment, and his cock jumped as it tried to spurt cum. Finally, he went limp and collapsed onto his side, unconscious.

Cas looked panicked for a moment, pulling his hand out of Balthazar’s ass and going to check his breathing or his pulse.

Both were strong and Cas relaxed. He leaned down to kiss his unconscious boyfriend, stroking a hand over his still spasming muscles before getting up and wiping his lubed hand on the dirty coverlet. He swung his legs off the bed and stretched before heading to the bathroom.

He scrubbed his hands down with hot water and soap, breathing slowly to calm down the heat in his stomach before he grabbed a warm towel and going back to clean up Balthazar.

His boyfriend was blinking groggily at him, still twitching occassionally with aftershocks. He looked half asleep, and thoroughly fucked, and Castiel smiled at him. “hey handsome.” He lifted his leg and carefully cleaned cum and lube off of his skin.

Balthazar whimpered, trying to pull away.

“I know – I know. You did so good and now we’re done. Just let me clean you up.” he said soothingly. He rolled his boyfriend onto his back and started pulling the dirty coverlet out from under him again. “I love you.”

He smiled blissfully.

Castiel winced as he realised he hadn’t uncuffed Balthazar, and he hurried to lean over him and unbuckle the straps. “There you go.”

Balthazar barely moved, just curling up a little on the bed.

Castiel left again to get a glass of cool water and a straw before coming back to bed and climbing in beside Balthazar. He pulled the spare blanket up over both of them, and pulled Balthazar into his arms. “Drink some.”

He obeyed without question, mouthing at the straw. He weakly wrapped an arm around Cas. “You….you want me to help you cum?” he asked in a still half broken voice.

“No, I’m good thanks.”

“You ever cum?” he whispered.

Cas stroked his hair. “Not six times in a row certainly.”

he shivered.

“I don’t need to really – getting you off is….is more than I could want.”

he smiled. “Knew you’d like me helpless.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. Just rest.”

Balthazar nuzzled against his clothed thigh before yawning and drifting quickly into sleep.

Chapter Text

Balthazar looked drugged out for the rest of the day, and whenever Castiel was still, he cuddled up next to him. Not that Cas was complaining – there was something addicting about it. After Balthazar woke up from his initial nap, he had gotten dressed, and immediately gravitated back to his side where he curled up and let Cas play with his hair again.

They still didn’t talk about it. Cas was afraid that if they tried to put it into words, that the other shoe would fall and he was content with whatever they had going on now. He didn’t want it to turn into the chore it had with his wife – wanted to keep this anticipation and excitement going. So he didn’t mention it, and Balthazar seemed willing to follow his lead.

The nurse did watch him more over the next few days, seeming to want to say something before he inevitably rushed off to work and came back at the end of the day as if nothing was different.

Castiel half expected him to push the topic of actual intercourse of some kind, and he waited with dread for his boyfriend to get his courage up – or whatever was holding him back.

Castiel felt Balthazar get out of bed and he cracked open an eye to check the clock. The red numbers said it was sometime after two in the morning, so he groaned and pulled his blanket closer to go back to sleep.

After several minutes passed and Balthazar hadn’t returned, he opened his eyes and sat up. “Balthazar? Are you okay?” he called.

There wasn’t an answer for a moment. “...I’m fine. Go back to sleep, darling.”

he tilted his head, trying to figure out what was different about his voice.

That familiar low pleasure settled in his gut as he realised Balthazar was aroused. He started at the light under the bathroom door for a minute until he heard a muffled moan. That decided it for him, and he got out of bed. “I’m coming in.”

“No-”

Castiel opened the door and looked in.

Balthazar didn’t sleep in a shirt, and he had pulled his pyjama trousers down. He stood in the shower with his hand around his hard cock, and he flushed with a mix of embarrassment and arousal as he met Cas’ eyes.

“Want help?” Cas asked in a low voice.

Balthazar shivered and dropped his hand to his side. “Yes sir.” he answered automatically.

He considered stepping into the shower with Balthazar – it would be easier to clean up afterward – but after a moment of hesitation, he reached out and pulled his boyfriend out of the cubicle. He circled around behind him, applying steady pressure to his shoulder.

Balthazar gracefully fell to his knees on the tile, folding his hands absently behind his back. He twisted to watch Castiel, his eyes dark with lust and anticipation.

Cas crouched behind him, sliding his hands down over his chest from behind. He twirled some of the fine chest hair in a circle, and Balthazar shivered. He smiled and kissed the side of his neck. “Couldn’t wait until your day off?”

He arched his head back, resting it on Cas’ shoulder. He bit his lip when Cas’ fingers pulled on his nipples.

Cas twisted around to kiss the side of his mouth. “You know, you could have just asked.”

He looked slightly guilty.

“Unless you aren’t liking this as much?” he asked quietly, smoothing his hands over Balthazar’s pecs.

“No! No – it’s not that, darling, I promise.”

He breathed out and nipped his jawline. “Then what is it?”

Balthazar didn’t answer, and Cas twisted his nipples, startling a gasp out of him. “I didn’t...didn’t want to bother you.”

“Oh?” he kept nibbling at Balthazar’s throat, flicking a nipple.

He was panting, leaning heavily back against Castiel. “You – you’re ace. And I didn’t want to pressure – pressure you…” he trailed off with a moan as Cas started sucking a hickey into the point where his shoulder met his neck.

Castiel thought about that for a moment – thought about himself. He kept playing with Balthazar’s nipples, listening to his little sounds of pleasure get louder as Cas worked him up.

“What were you thinking about?” he asked curiously

“Wha-what?”

“When you were touching yourself.” he slid one hand around Balthazar’s waist and wrapped his hand around his cock. His hips jerked as Castiel gripped it firmly and slowly stroked it. “What were you thinking about?”

“That’s...that’s not fair.” he whimpered, his hips rolling slowly against Castiel’s hand.

“I think it’s fair. Were you thinking about me?”

His breathing stuttered.

“Ah. Were you thinking about this? You letting yourself be entirely at my mercy? Letting me do anything?” he stroked his thumb in circles over the head of his cock and Balthazar’s moan was high and loud.

“Please. Sir-”

“Don’t cum.” he said with a smile.

Balthazar froze, his chest heaving. “Sir?”

“You heard me, Balthazar.” he flicked the nipple his other hand rested on and got a gasp out of Balthazar again.

“yes, yes sir.” He said breathlessly.

“Good boy.” he said, nipping at Balthazar’s ear.

He whimpered, his cock jumping at the praise as usual.

“I want to know what you were thinking of.”

Balthazar looked confused for a moment before Castiel increased the speed of his strokes. “Oh, oh – oh god…”

“You were thinking about god?”

“No. yes. No – was thinking about you.” he stammered.

That pleased heat in his stomach got stronger. “And?” he slowed his strokes again.

“and it’s wrong. I shouldn’t….you’re asexual. And – and you’re….” he bucked into Castiel’s hand.

“I’m what?” he stroked faster again.

“So hot. So so hot…i’d do anything. Want to do anything. Please-” he whined.

“And what do you want to do?”

“Want...want-” he broke off, bright red with embarrassment that still bled through the arousal.

“You can cum when you’ve told me everything.” Castiel encouraged.

Balthazar’s breathing stuttered again and he moaned. “I want….I wanted – pictured you just….just tying me down. Oh god – it feels so good!” he cried, tossing his head on Cas’ shoulder. “I can’t – can’t-”

“you can.” he said, slowing his strokes again to help Balthazar out.

He was tense as a wire leaning against Castiel, and his hands were still clenched behind him.

Balthazar moaned with his eyes squeezed shut until he got himself back off the edge again.

Cas squeezed his shoulder. “Perfect.” he breathed.

He relaxed and tried to gather his thoughts. “I...I wanted you to-to tie me down. To pin...to pin me to the bed.” He whimpered as Cas pressed his thumb over the head of his cock again. “Make – make it so I can’t even….move.” he breathed, jumping when Cas flicked his nipple again. “Then…” he trailed off, hesitating again.

Castiel waited patiently, twisting his hand a little as he stroked his cock. “I could just leave you like this.” he said casually. “I bet you wouldn’t even get yourself off after I left.”

He whimpered. “don’t – don’t...I’ll be good.”

“I know you will.” he turned his head and kissed him properly.

Balthazar moaned into the kiss, his mouth open and pliant. His hips bucked when Castiel nipped at his lips.

“Then what?” he prompted.

“Then…” Balthazar closed his eyes and let himself get lost in sensations for a minute – psyching himself up by getting lost in the arousal. “Then you pin a remote vibrator – vibe to….pin it to my prostate.” he was bright red, and he turned his head to hide his face in Cas’ shoulder, his hips rocking to try to get more friction on his cock. “Gag me and….and leave – leave me.”

Cas frowned. “Leave you?”

he nodded, whining again as he got close to an edge. “Just leave me to cum or edge or...or- until you...you come back. Not even...not even important...important enough to – to oversee.”

He thought it over, jerking Balthazar off faster until he started to seize up in an orgasm, then he let go of his cock.

Balthazar whined in confusion, blinking at the ceiling. “I – I promise...that’s all – please.”

“I believe you.”

“then…”

Cas smiled. “Can you really say you aren’t enjoying it?” He stroked a finger over Balthazar’s leaking cock and watched it jerk.

He groaned. “Please, sir. Cassie…”

“Do you have a vibe?”

he blushed again and nodded. “Yes – yes sir.”

so it was possible. And….it sounded hot. The idea of Balthazar just being his own personal entertainment was...attractive.

He reached down and started stroking his cock again. “Okay. You can cum now.”

Balthazar moaned a little louder and arched back against Castiel as he finally came.

Castiel held him as he relaxed back against him, stretching for a towel to wipe Balthazar off. “….good?”

He hummed and nodded, boneless.

“Come back to bed.” he said, getting up and helping a loopy looking Balthazar off the floor. “You have work in the morning.”

Balthazar fell asleep quickly, curled around Cas as usual. Castiel on the other hand spent a few hours staring at the ceiling.

He wasn’t a sex repulsed asexual, he knew that long ago. He didn’t mind having sex if they other person enjoyed it. But being the...dominant? In the bedroom? That was new, and he was worried that he wasn’t doing it right. Balthazar obviously had experience submitting – and he was so, so good at it… - but Castiel couldn’t help but feel like he was doing it wrong. Aisa had never liked sex with him – she had gone and cheated on him with someone better! So how long until Balthazar also got tired of his attempts at sex and left him for someone that was better or more adventurous?

….someone who would fuck him, or let him fuck them.

Castiel turned and smoothed Balthazar’s hair back from his sleeping face. And that was the lynch pin. Because Castiel didn’t want to fuck him. He didn’t want to have sex and deal with all of the sweat and stickiness…. Maybe a blowjob ocassionally – but definitely not every week. Maybe not even every month. And that was normal, he told himself. That was okay. He didn’t have a high libido and that was normal.

For him at least.

He couldn’t deny that Balthazar’s little fantasy….they would definitely be trying it the next day he had off.

He kissed Balthazar’s forehead and finally closed his eyes to sleep.

Balthazar was all work and seriousness when he came down in the morning to leave for work. He kissed Castiel as he clipped on his badge, and he was out the door before Castiel could even ask about the night before. He took the lunch box Cas pressed into his hands and was gone.

When he got home at night, it was a different story. He hesitated outside of the door for so long, Cas went to open it. “...it’s unlocked.”

he blinked at Cas. “I...know.” he said quietly. “Is...Jack upstairs?” he moved to step past Cas into the house.

He slid his arms around Balthazar’s waist and pulled him close for a kiss. “Hey…”

he sighed. “Look I...I am really sorry-”

He kissed him quickly to shut him up. “It is fine. And doable. I meant to ask you this morning if you had the things to do it.”

He took a deep breath and nodded, looking more relaxed. He smiled and pulled Cas with him into the house. “I do, darling. There’s a box in my side of the closet. I’ll get it for you after dinner?” He slid a hand around Castiel’s neck and leaned over to kiss him deeply. “I love you so much…” he murmured.

“Just for the sex?” he asked, only half joking.

Balthazar chuckled and set his lunchbox on the table, pulling Cas closer. “No. There are many, many qualities you have that just...delight me. Every day.” he peppered kisses in between each word.

“...and I enjoy it too. Not the same as you, but it...makes me happy.” he said seriously, pulling back a little.

He blinked for a second before he caught up. “Ah. So still green?” his eyes twinkled.

“Very green.” he promised, twisting them and pinning Balthazar against the counter as he kissed him again.

As promised, Balthazar pulled an old, battered bin out of the closet when they went up for bed. He unlocked it, and handed it over to Cas to look through with an odd look of anticipation and longing. He had rested his arms behind his back and made hardly any snarky comments as Cas went through the items, answering questions as needed.

When they had finished, Cas had told him he did a good job, on a whim, and Balthazar had moaned in delight before leaning over to kiss him breathless.

Then anticipation had settled in on both of them as they counted down the days until they could play. Balthazar always seemed to come closer to Castiel, and Cas found himself smiling as he pictured how the scene would play out at the end of the week.

So when the day finally came, Cas was awake hours before Balthazar.

He fed Jack. He fed himself. He made sure his phone and the vibe were charged. He made food for Balthazar. He checked the supplies he would be using. He read on proper bondage again to make sure he wouldn’t hurt his boyfriend. He made sure Balthazar’s food was still warm. He set up several water bottles in the fridge to give Balthazar through the day. He fidgeted and waited and moved towards the stairs, and he jumped up when Balthazar came down the stairs.

Balthazar raised an eyebrow at him, looking amused. “Eager, darling?” he purred.

“Sit. Eat.”

he blinked, but took a seat.

Castiel brought back the premade food and sat down. “….do you still want to do this?”

Balthazar took a bite and glanced at Castiel. “If you are interested, then yes. Immeasurably.”

Cas nodded. “Alright. I think I have everything prepared.”

His eyes darkened and he shifted.

“Eat first.”

“have you eaten?” he asked as he took another bite.

He nodded. “ I ate before I sent Jack to school.” he folded his hands in his lap to keep them from fidgeting or – worse – grabbing Balthazar before he was ready. “I read that you should eat a good meal, and drink lots of water.”

“You did, did you.” he said in a low voice, not taking his eyes away from Cas’ as he ate another bite.

H e nodded. “You really like this? He asked in a quieter voice.

“...I do. I don’t know why.” he shrugged. “But I can assure you that I am still very interested in this.”

he watched as Balthazar polished off the rest of the simple breakfast. “That is good.” he surged forward to kiss Balthazar.

Balthazar yelped, pinned back against his chair as Cas straddled him and kissed him. He slid his own hands up Castiel’s chest, resting them passively there.

“There’s….there’s an app that I’ll put on your phone.” he broke off to bite Balthazar’s lip. “so you can safeword out if you need to.”

Baltahzar arched his neck back as Cas started peppering kisses down his throat.

“it will be a long day. And…” he bit gently down on his collarbone. “And I don’t want you to hold back. But I want you to enjoy it.”

Balthazar’s pupils were wide with arousal again, and he shivered with Castiel’s breath against his skin. “ Yes. Alright. Very – very thought through!” his voice went up in pitch as Castiel ground their hips together. He let his head fall forward to rest on Cas’ shoulder as he breathed heavily. “god...Just…”

Cas slid off his lap as quickly as he had gotten into it, and Balthazar blinked a second in confusion.

“Bedroom?”

he nodded, getting gracefully to his feet. He took Cas’ hand, following him up the stairs to the bedroom.

Cas pulled him around, gently pushing him to sit on the edge of the bed. He slid his hands under the hem of Balthazar’s shirt and pulled it off of him. He leaned down to kiss him again, stroking a hand through his hair. “Undress and get on the bed.” he told him, stepping away.

Balthazar tried not to look disappointed at the lack of contact, and he stood to finish stripping. He picked up his sweats and folded them into a pile beside the bed before getting back on the bed, moving to the middle of it. He watched as Cas took a bundle of rope, a gag, and an anal vibe out of the box and carry them back with him to the bed.

He set the gag and the vibrator at the foot of the bed and gently pushed Balthazar back to lie down on the bed. He knelt beside his head and started unwinding a length of rope. It was bright red, and he ran it between his hands. “You are going to look so stunning in this.” He took one of his hands and tied the rope around his wrist – making sure he could slide a couple of fingers under it.

Balthazar was relaxed, watching him with anticipation, and nothing but trust.

C as stretched Balthazar’s arm out as far as it would go, and then tightened the rope around the end of the headboard. He looped the rope around the headboard, and climbed over Balthazar to reach the other side.

He secured the rope on the opposite post, and then took Balthazar’s other hand and stretched it out. He tightened the rope just enough so there wasn’t much give, while making sure there also wasn’t too much pressure put on his wrists from the rope. After tying the ropes, he leaned back over to kiss Balthazar. “Comfortable?”

he twisted his hands in the rope and nodded. “Yeah. It’s just right.”

he stroked his cheek before sliding down the bed to repeat the process with Balthazar’s feet.

When he had all of the ropes tied, and Balthazar was gently stretched spread eagle on the bed, he carefully straddled Balthazar, leaning down to kiss him.

“I swear this is your favourite part.” Balthazar mumbled in between kisses.

He smiled. “it might be – but only because I like how much you like it.” He ground down on his boyfriend’s hips, feeling him strain against the ropes.

“oh god…”

“Are you regretting this already?” he twisted a nipple.

“No. Never.” he breathed. He arched slightly off the bed as Castiel kissed him.

“Good.” he shifted and got down off him, sitting in between his legs. He grabbed the bottle of lube and poured a liberal amount over his fingers.

B althazar lifted his head to look at him for a moment, and then let his head fall back as he closed his eyes. He lifted his hips in anticipation and eagerness. “Cas.” he moaned.

Cas felt around for a moment, before being ab le to sink his finger into his hole and pump it in and out. He reached up with his other hand to slowly stroke Balthazar’s cock in time with his pumps.

Balthazar’s hips stuttered between his hands, and he moaned. He pulled on the ropes, twisting his hands around them. He didn’t seem to want to get free – just to ground himself.

He worked in a second finger and rubbed his thumb over the rim of his anus.

He whimpered. “Oh god….”

The vibrator wasn’t very big, so Cas let go of his cock and picked up the silicone plug. He pulled his fingers out of Balthazar’s ass and smiled as he whined in need. “Patience.”

he rubbed a generous amount of lube all over the plug and gently started pressing it into Balthazar’s ass. It was a little larger than two fingers, but Balthazar rocked his hips down on it – desperate to be filled.

“You’re so needy – it’s perfect.” he aimed the plug for Balthazar’s prostate as he slid it in up to the base.

Balthazar arched away and then ground his hips down into Cas’ hand. “Oh god….please.” he whimpered.

Cas wiped his hands off on the coverlet and pulled his phone out. “Are you ready for this?”

He nodded. “yes. Yes please.” he begged.

He opened the app and connected it to the vibe. Watching Balthazar’s face, he turned the vibrator on, sliding it almost all of the way up.

Balthazar arched off the bed with a cry, digging h is heels into the bed. He tossed his head from side to side, trying to find friction to rut his cock against. “Cas – sir...oh god-!” he wailed.

Castiel watched him writhe for several seconds, before he turned the vibe back down to medium.

He fell back onto the bed, his hips still bucking against air. He gasped for air like he was drowning.

“All day, Balthazar.” he climbed back up the bed to lie beside his boyfriend. “and whenever I remember, I’ll turn it up. Maybe I’ll let you cum.” he kissed him, swallowing his moan. “or maybe I’ll just leave it on high. You came six times before – how many do you think you will cum if I did that?”

he slid his hand over Balthazar’s chest and squeezed a nipple. “How broken do you think you will be whenever I decide I need the bed again?”

He groaned, his eyes rolling back in his head.

“No words this time?”

He whined, locking eyes with Cas.

“I can’t even imagine it. Will you even be able to walk?” he said thoughtfully.

Balthazar looked like he wouldn’t be able to walk anywhere at the moment – let alone after several hours of this.

Cas sat up and picked up the gag. “Open your mouth.”

He opened obediently.

He slid the gag into his mouth, reaching around to buckle it behind his head. When he finished, he bent down to kiss his cheek. “Have fun.” he said, And then straightened suddenly. “Oh – I almost forgot!” he got up and went to get Balthazar’s phone from the dresser. He unlocked it and searched for the app store. He downloaded the app he had decided on and came back to the bed. “Okay. So tap twice for yellow, and four times for red.” he put the phone under one of Balthazar’s hands.

Balthazar nodded dazedly.

“Good boy.”

he whined through the gag, watching as Cas left the bedroom.

Cas leaned against the wall outside of the bedroom for nearly a minute before pulling out his own phone and opening the remote app again. He raised the speed on the vibe and listened as the bed creaked under Balthazar. He slid the control all of the way down and listened to the disappointed sounds that escaped the gag. He slid it back up and listened to the loud groan of pleasure.

He left the vibe on high, listening to Balthazar’s sounds of unrestrained pleasure until he judged he was close to orgasm; then he turned the vibe back down to a lower level. He heard Balthazar sob through the gag as he finally straightened up from the wall and went back downstairs.

Chapter Text

Castiel stood at the bottom of the stairs for nearly a minute as he looked around the house and tried to figure out what to do now. He hadn’t put much thought into his own occupation – had only spent his time making sure he was prepared to ensure Balthazar had a great experience. He felt nerves start to rise as he stood there thinking about his boyfriend upstairs in the bedroom, and he dragged in a breath and set off for the closet.

He turned his phone on and turned the vibe up higher as he pulled the vacuum out of the closet. He rolled it to the living room and started unwinding the cord. As he plugged it in the outlet, he turned the vibe back down to levels that wouldn’t get Balthazar off. He smiled slightly as he imagined his boyfriend’s disappointed groan and pleading eyes.

He lost himself in vacuuming for a while – getting settled in the routine of cleaning the house. He started in the living room and then moved to the dining room. As he moved the cord to a different outlet, he got the hallway next. When he vacuumed all of the carpeted rooms on the ground floor, he got his phone out as he went to return the vacuum. He turned the vibe all of the way up, and he definitely wasn’t only imagining the wordless cry that came from the bedroom.

He left the vibe on high as he carried the mop and its bucket to the bathroom, and then turned it back down again. As he filled the bucket, he imagined how Balthazar must look now. He would be trying to get friction, twisting his hands against the soft ropes that held him. His chest would be flushed, and his nipples would probably be hard with arousal.

And the sounds – the sounds were Castiel’s favourite part. They were a mixture of desperate for everything, and pleased with anything he got. It was so easy to wring those noises out of him, to make him whine and whimper.

Again, he got nervous that he would fuck this up. Balthazar hadn’t asked for anything other than this scenario – he had taken whatever Castiel had wanted to give him and that had seemed to be fine. So that he had asked for this – had wanted this… Cas was so scared that he was going to mess it up somehow. He wasn’t experienced at being in charge. He didn’t know how to top well – he didn’t want Balthazar had felt like he had with Aisa.

He jumped as he felt water run over his hand and he sighed as he realised he had let the bucket overflow. He turned the water off and dumped out the extra water. He added some soap to the bucket and carried it back to the kitchen. Before he started mopping the floor, he pulled the app up again and turned the vibe up just a little bit. Just enough to keep Balthazar on edge – but nothing near close enough to make him cum.

He wrang the mop out and started scrubbing the floor.

Castiel got caught up cleaning the kitchen. He had stopped for a snack in the fridge, and realised he hadn’t done a deep clean on it for a while. So he took all of the food out, and the drawers and scrubbed everything down. When he finished with the fridge, he did the freezer. When he did the freezer, he cleaned the microwave, and then the toaster, and then the coffee pot, and then the oven, and then he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and froze.

“Fuck. Fuck fuck -” he dropped his sponge onto the counter and pulled the phone out as he ran for the stairs.

He’d forgotten. He’d fucking forgotten! Balthazar had been up there…. He checked the time and realised it had been nearly three hours since he had last changed the speed of the vibrator. And as he went to the app to turn it off, he finally realised he had gotten a text from Aisa; and Balthazar hadn’t used a safeword.

Balthazar hadn’t safeworded out. He was still...up there?

Castiel climbed the stairs at a slower rate than he had first started them, and paused outside the bedroom door. He leaned against the frame, his phone in his hand and the vibe still going; and watched with mostly curiosity.

Balthazar’s chest was hitching as if he couldn’t catch his breath. His eyes were squeezed shut, and he tossed his head from side to side. He pressed his cheek into the pillow beneath his head, as if that would help, and then arched off the bed. His cock was dark red, and the veins stood out prominent against it. Precum wasn’t just dripping out of his cock, it was nearly a steady stream of liquid pouring down and soaking the bed underneath his thighs. The light glistened off the liquid as he writhed on the bed, trying to find that final touch to push him over the edge. He humped the air desperately, and ground his ass down against the mattress before going limp - panting heavily around the gag.

He laid on the bed, his hips weakly twitching, before he gathered his energy – or desperation – and started the movements all over again.

Castiel left him there for a moment, taking his guilt and shoving it deep down inside of him to deal with later. Balthazar hadn’t used his safeword, so the scene was still continuing. He went down to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and a straw. He put the straw in the bottle as he went back up the stairs and entered the bedroom properly.

“Hey. Balthazar.” he said softly, finally turning the vibe down.

Balthazar wailed against the gag, tossing his head as the vibrations turned off. As Castiel got closer and sat down on the bed beside him, he realised he was crying. He stroked his chest, feeling it heave with sobs.

“Balthazar, breathe. It’s okay, you’re okay.” he said calmly. “Balthazar, I need you to calm down a little – can you do that? For me?”

He didn’t seem like he could. His gaze was unfocused and Cas didn’t recognise the look in them. But he dragged in a breath and nodded, much to Castiel’s surprise.

“Okay. Okay, good. Good job.” He kissed his cheek. “I need to take the gag off so you can drink some water, alright? Is that good?”

He nodded again, whining.

He sat up and reached under Balthazar’s head, undoing the buckle and gently lifting the gag out of Balthazar’s mouth. He carefully massaged his jaw, helping him close it properly.

“There. There you go. Breathe. It’s okay.” he said, keeping his voice calm.

Balthazar visibly calmed down listening to him, and his breathing evened out. Tears leaked from his eyes, and spasms of arousal still ran through him – but he looked a little less desperate as he focused on Cas.

He picked up the bottle of water and angled the straw down so Balthazar could drink. “Slowly.” he told him.

He licked his lips and obediently sipped the water, letting it wet his mouth and throat.

“You’re so good. So so good. I love you. I love you so much.” he promised. “You are perfect. Do you want to stop? We can stop.” he promised again.

Balthazar shook his head.

“You don’t? Are you sure? I can make you cum, clean you up, and then we can cuddle-”

Balthazar was quickly shaking his head again.

Cas sighed and stroked his sweat soaked hair. “...gross.”

His lips twitched with amusement before he started sipping water again.

“Not that you are gross. You are perfect. Always.” he leaned down to kiss him around the straw. “I love you. You are so good.” He stroked his chest as Balthazar finished the water. “...I want to turn the vibe up high.” he said carefully, watching for his boyfriend’s reaction. “And leave it on.”

Balthazar’s hips jerked at the thought of finally getting to cum, and he nodded his head jerkily. He whined pleadingly.

“I’m going to leave it on for a while, Balthazar, do you understand? Are you sure you want to keep going?”

he locked eyes with Castiel and nodded again.

Cas leaned down and kissed him for a long minute. “You are so perfect for me…” he said, picking up the gag again.

Balthazar opened his mouth and lifted his head for the buckle of the gag to be done up. When Cas was done, he let his head fall back onto the bed and took several deep calming breaths.

Cas sighed and got off the bed, moving to the side of the room. When he was out of the way of any ejaculation, he opened the app and moved the vibe up nearly as high as it would go.

The effect was immediate. Balthazar arched off the bed with a wail, tensing nearly every muscle as he came almost instantly. He collapsed back to the mattress, and then seized up as he came again almost in between breaths. His cock looked less red as it started to soften, but Balthazar was already humping the air again as a third orgasm followed after the first two instantaneous ones. His cries were still full of relief and pleasure, but he started to look pained.

As he twisted futilely in the ropes that held him down, Castiel turned and left the room.

He hesitated outside of the room, and then turned and walked back in. he came and laid on the bed beside Balthazar, resting a hand on his chest and running his fingers through the light hair on his torso. It didn’t feel right to leave him like this. Balthazar had fantasised about it – but it didn’t feel right nonetheless. And after he had forgotten him before, he didn’t want to risk ruining the experience completely.

Balthazar was crying again, shaking and twisting in place. He thrashed against the ropes as his soft cock twitched and another forced orgasm rushed through him.

Castiel grit his teeth, and sat up suddenly to straddle Balthazar. He used his hands to pin down Balthazar’s further, leaning down to kiss his throat. “You will hurt yourself.” he whispered.

Balthazar bucked underneath him, almost lifting Cas off the bed with him as he tried to get away from the vibe still pressed against his prostate. The gag didn’t muffle the constant stream of desperate sounds that were squeezed out of his throat, but he didn’t even try to reach for the phone to use his safeword.

“You’re so good. You are so beautiful. You are doing so good.” he stroked a hand down Balthazar’s arm to his chest, rubbing a thumb over a still hard nipple. “that’s...four? When we get to six, I will go run you a bath and I will turn it off when the bath is ready.” he promised. “Just be good a little while longer – I know you can do it.”

Balthazar locked eyes with him, nodding jerkily.

“So so good. I want to kiss you now.” he said – or asked.

Balthazar nodded again.

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” he promised, undoing the gag again. He let it fall to the side of the bed and kissed Balthazar. He explored his mouth, feeling as Balthazar twisted under him with a sob through another orgasm. “so good.” he murmured.

B althazar kissed back as if it was the only thing keeping him tethered to his body. His hands twitched against Cas as he tried to touch him back in return.

Cas kissed down his throat, catching the skin between his teeth.

Balthazar whimpered and tilted his head so Cas had even better access.

He pulled back, stroking Balthazar’s cheek. His boyfriend’s eyes were nearly completely black with pupil, and his face looked almost relaxed. Almost. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and tears streamed from his eyes still. Underneath Cas, his body was shaking as if caught in one eternal orgasm.

Balthazar lifted his head off the bed, wordlessly asking for another kiss.

Castiel obliged, leaning down and kissing him. “I love you so much.” He whispered. He pecked him on the lips again before getting up. “Almost done. I am going to go in the bathroom and run you a hot bath.

Balthazar didn’t say anything, panting as he watched Cas.

He patted his boyfriend’s thigh and then left to the bathroom as he had stated. He plugged the tub and turned the faucet on. He tested the water on his elbow, adjusting the handles until it was just hot enough to soothe aching muscles and not overheat Balthazar. He opened the cabinets under the sink and looked around until he found the epsom bath salts and bubbles he had gotten in preparation. He poured a decent amount into the tub and made sure it all dissolved in the water.

He sat back on the edge of the tub as it slowly – so slowly – filled with hot scented water. He could barely hear Balthazar moaning in the bedroom, and he kept checking the phone in case he used his safeword.

Finally, the tub was filled and gently steaming, and Cas shut the water off. He turned the vibe off too as he left the bathroom.

Balthazar looked unconscious at first glance. He twitched occassionally, but he just stared at the ceiling as he breathed in little jerks.

Cas frowned in concern, coming over. “Balthazar?”

He slowly dragged his eyes over to look at him, and if Cas hadn’t known better he would have thought he was high. He gently touched his stomach and Balthazar shivered under his hand as if shocked.

“We are all done. You did so good.” he praised.

Balthazar barely twitched, but he somehow managed to look more drugged out with ecstasy.

Cas started untying the ropes at his feet , glad to see they had barely bruised him. His wrists and ankles would be red for a little while – but it wouldn’t be too bad. Balthazar lay where he was, even after he was untied. When he finished with the ropes at his feet, he bent Balthazar’s knees so he could gently pull the vibe out and toss it beside the discarded gag. Balthazar winced at the sensation, but didn’t say anything.

“Can you walk?”

he just blinked at him.

“Alright.” he leaned down to kiss him as he undid the last knot. He took Balthazar’s hands and crossed them over his chest, and then slid one arm under his knees and one under his back, lifting Balthazar in a bridal carry with only a little bit of strain.

Balthazar nuzzled against his chest, still quiet.

“So good.” he kissed the top of his head as they got in the bathroom. He put Balthazar in the tub feet first, resting him against the back and keeping an arm around his shoulders so he wouldn’t slip under and drown. Normally he wouldn’t be worried about that, but this Balthazar looked like he wasn’t quite inside his body at the moment.

The guilt and anxiety he had been pushing down all day grew into fear that he had gone too far, or done something wrong.

He picked up the cup he had gotten from the kitchen and used it to pour water carefully over Balthazar’s hair, rinsing the sweat from it.

They sat like that for nearly an hour, until the water started cooling down. Then Cas lifted a still boneless Balthazar out of the tub and toweled him gently off. He carried him back to bed, dragging the dirty blankets off and kicking them to a corner before laying Balthazar down in the center of the bed. He went to the closet to get fresh blankets and tucked one in around his boyfriend. He leaned down to kiss his cheek. “I am going to get you water – I’ll be right back.” he promised.

He hurried down the stairs and to the kitchen. He got two bottles of water from the fridge and looked around for some kind of easy food. After a moment, he decided food could wait and ran back up the stairs.

Balthazar hadn’t moved, but opened his eyes when he heard Cas come in again.

Cas came to sit on the bed, pulling and lifting Balthazar until he was cuddled close and wrapped in Cas’ arms. He lifted him up and put the straw to his lips. “You need to drink. Slowly.”

He opened his mouth and sipped obediently.

“Good job.” he said, stroking his boyfriend’s now not gross hair.

They sat in silence for a while until Balthazar had finished most of the two bottles of water. Castiel massaged away muscle cramps that developed, and stroked his boyfriend’s hair. He told him how much he loved him, and how good he had been, and eventually Balthazar started moving again. He started with wrapping his arms tighter around Cas’ waist, and then he started shifting up for kisses. After a few hours, he looked centered in his body again, and Cas was relieved.

“...was that good?” he asked quietly.

“Perfect.” Balthazar murmured, his voice rough. “You are so good to me.”

He shook his head and t ugged him a little closer.

To no one’s surprise, Balthazar didn’t leave the bed for the rest of the day. He didn’t even follow Castiel downstairs when he went to make soup for supper. He stayed in bed, dropping in and out of sleep. By evening, he was talking regularly again, and Cas hoped that meant he was okay. He said he loved the experience but Castiel couldn’t shake the guilt and the fear.

He couldn’t shake it so much, that when Balthazar came home from work the next day, he found him sitting on the floor of the bathroom sobbing.

“What happened?” Balthazar dropped down beside him, pulling Cas into a hug.

Cas pushed him away. “No, I can’t-”

he let him go. “Alright. Why can’t you?”

“I-I hurt you. I forgot about you!”

You...havent’ hurt me? Darling. It’s okay.” he promised, which only made Cas turn to vomit into the toilet.

Balthazar rubbed his back. “let’s start from the beginning, hm?”

he shook his head. “Stupid.”

He wiped his tears away. “Cassie. Nothing that is upsetting you this much is stupid. What is wrong? Let me help.”

Balthazar was so much better at this – so much better at being in charge. He could be calm and collected and say all of the right things. He would never forget his partner and break him – he would have made the experience perfect.

“Why do you like giving up control?” he mumbled.

He blinked, but if he was surprised by the question he didn’t show it further. “I don’t really know. I’ve always had to make decisions and be in charge and be the responsible one….I suppose it is one area where I don’t have to make any choices and that is a relief. I like pleasing my partners too – I just do it in a different way.”

“You’re always in charge.” he felt like he was whining. Balthazar should laugh at him and leave him to put himself back together.

“I am. Castiel. Is this about what we’ve been doing?”

Cas slumped.

Balthazar nodded as if he had something confirmed. “Look at me.” he firmly turned Cas to face him. “You are an amazing top. You give me exactly what I want, and what I look for – even when I don’t know exactly what that is. You take care of me so well, and you always leave me excited for the next time we get to play. You haven’t done anything wrong – the opposite in fact.”

“I forgot about you!”

he didn’t make a joke about that, just asked calmly: “when?”

Cas looked like he might be sick again. “When I accidentally left you on edge for three hours.”

“Ah. I see.”

This was it. This was when Balthazar realised how useless he was at this – how bad he was at it. He cringed.

“No. None of that. I liked it – it was amazing.”

he jerked his head up in surprise, and Balthazar smiled dryly.

“Perks of being a devoted submissive.”

“Devoted?”

Balthazar wiped his cheeks again and took his hands. “There’s not a...specific name for it. Some call it being boring, some call it a pillow princess – I like pleasing whomever is in charge. it...it makes me feel safe.” he tried to explain. “it’s a difficult thing to explain if one doesn’t share the – you know how you like getting me off, even though you aren’t really aroused by it?”

he nodded.

“It’s like that but I get aroused by it.”

“Oh.”

“But I should have checked in with you – made sure you were alright.”

“What? Why? I’m supposed to be-”

“No.” he said firmly. “Aftercare goes both ways, darling. Just as much as I need to be held and told I did well, you do too – I am sorry I forgot about that. You did amazing. I loved everything we did.”

“But you...you got so...it was like I broke you!”

“it’s...it’s thing called subspace – have you read about that?”

he nodded but still looked confused. “but I didn’t understand.”

“It’s...well, it is a bit like being pulled from one’s body. It’s as if nothing matters and nothing hurts and everything is perfect and pleasurable and...it’s delightful. It calms me down too. Nothing wrong with it – you didn’t break me.” he promised.

Cas studied him, and then moved to hug him.

Balthazar wrapped him in his arms. “Come darling. Let me take care of you for a bit, yeah?”

“You shouldn’t have to.” he mumbled. “I haven’t been doing anything strenuous.”

“Not physically – but you certainly have been mentally. I am sorry I didn’t return the care.”

“Not your-”

“Yes it is. I should have known better. I’ve been doing this longer and I know how it goes. Just..” he sighed. “I love you. Let’s go put on a disney film and I’ll make some cookie dough.”

“...sounds good.” he admitted.

“of course it does! It was my idea, darling.”

Chapter Text

Balthazar was so attentive that it made Castiel feel even worse. Cas hadn’t done anything. He hadn’t even orgasmed! So Balthazar shouldn’t have to take care of him, and cook him his favourite food, and pepper his face with kisses, and make him his favourite drink, and tell him how much he had enjoyed himself and…

Cas didn’t have a chance to wallow in self pity. Any time he started blaming himself, Balthazar was there to firmly and somehow rationally explain how his guilt was entirely misplaced. It wasn’t really fair. But a day of cuddling with his boyfriend and being waited on hand and foot, and Cas had to admit he felt better.

Saying so made Balthazar fairly glow with pride, and Cas had to laugh fondly at him.

They took a break from anything heavier than making out for a few weeks. Cas was afraid to mess up, and Balthazar didn’t push for anything. If Cas didn’t know better, he would have thought Balthazar was completely content to be practically celibate. But he couldn’t be because no one normal was. Everyone normal wanted sex from a relationship.

So after a few weeks, Cas started turning an idea over in his head again. As much as he tended to think of this as just being for Balthazar, he had to admit that he got excited for the idea too. So he pulled out Balthazar’s box of supplies and went through them – sorting them. He looked up ideas and procedures online again, and started counting down the days until Balthazar was off again.

Jack had spent the night at Aisa’s, so Cas stayed in bed with Balthazar. When he felt his boyfriend stir, he sat up and rolled over to straddle him

Balthazar put his hands on Cas’ hips and raised an eyebrow as he smiled softly. “hello, darling.”

He hummed and leaned down to kiss him. “Balthazar.”

he wrapped a hand behind his neck and kissed him back. “yes?”

“I want you to clean the house.”

He pulled back to look in Cas’ eyes, and then chuckled. “You could have just asked, you didn’t need to butter me up.”

Cas gathered his courage. “I want you to clean the house. While wearing the vibrator. And not cumming.”

His breath caught in his throat, and Cas could feel his cock twitch under him. “...are you sure, Cassie?” he asked in a rough voice.

He breathed in and nodded. “Yes. Yes I am. I won’t get distracted, so I won’t forget you this time.”

Balthazar softened. “That’s not your fault, darling.”

he shrugged. It was, but he wasn’t going to argue with Balthazar about that again or they wouldn’t get to any sex at all.

For a moment he considered doing that, but then he imagined how Balthazar would look like at the end of the day and he smiled. “yeah. I want to do this.” he promised, kissing Balthazar again.

He relaxed under him. “Did you want to start now, or wait until after breakfast.”

His smile turned distinctly evil. “I want to start now, and then you can make me breakfast.”

His eyes darkened. “Well, darling. Where do you want me?”

“Just there.” he rolled off him and pulled open the drawer of his side table where he had stowed the vibrating plug and the lube the night before. He turned back to Balthazar, tugging his pyjama trousers off. “Love how easy it is to get you naked during the night.”

Balthazar made a noise between gratefulness and pleasure. He reached above him for the headboard, wrapping his hands around the posts.

“Good boy.” he said, smiling when Balthazar whined. He shifted Balthazar’s legs opened and knelt between them. He coated his finger with lube and slid his finger down his crack until he found Balthazar’s hole. He watched Balthazar’s face as he slowly pressed his finger in past the ring of muscle.

Balthazar shivered, sinking back into the bed. His eyelids fluttered closed as he moaned.

Cas squeezed his thigh. “I want you to look at me.” he asked.

He immediately opened his eyes again, focusing on Cas.

“Good. That’s perfect.” he said, pumping his finger in and out.

“Cas…” he breathed, pressing down on his hand without thinking of it.

He lubed up a second finger and slowly eased it in.

Balthazar winced a little at the burn, but he threw his head back and panted with pleasure. “Oh...so good - thank you...thank you-”

He spread his fingers in Balthazar’s ass, working on loosening up the muscles. “Would you like me to find your prostate again?”

His cock twitched as he met Cas’ eyes. “I...can – please? Sir?” he sounded as if he wouldn’t get what he wanted.

He smiled a little and pressed a little deeper into his ass, searching for the bundle of nerves that got such amazing reactions out of his boyfriend. He knew when he found it, because Balthazar jumped as if he had gotten shocked. He reached out and slowly stroked his cock, and Balthazar went boneless on the bed.

“Cas, sir, I-” he moaned, shivering in between Cas’ hands.

“You like this. Like getting played like an instrument. If I had the time, I could make you dance on the edge all day with just my hands.”

He whined, looking desperate. His hands tightened on the headboard, but he didn’t let go.

He added a third finger, slick with lube already from the other two fingers. “You’re so easy. You’ll do anything as long as you get told how good you are. So perfectly predictable. So good for me.”

he whimpered, bucking his hips into Cas’ hands. “yes – yes anything.”

“Anything for me. Because you’re perfect. Always so good for me.”

he nodded jerkily.

He let go of his cock and pulled his fingers out of his ass, and smiled at Balthazar’s disappointed mewl. “Give me a moment.” he picked up the vibe and poured a generous amount of lube onto it. Positioning it at Balthazar’s hole, he slowly started pressing it in.

Balthazar groaned, trying to fuck it in faster than Cas was pressing it in. “Please!”

“Careful. I don’t want you hurt.” he said seriously, letting the plug sink in up to its base. “Is that good?”

He nodded jerkily again.

“Good.” he wiped his hand off on Balthazar’s trousers and pulled out his phone. He met Balthazar’s eyes and then turned the vibe all of the way up.

Balthazar arched up off the bed with a keening cry as he seemed to forget how to breathe for a moment. When he fell back onto the bed, his cock was as hard as a rock and his hips twitched in abortive attempts to rut against something.

Cas stroked a finger up the underside of his cock and savoured his helpless whine before he slid out from between Balthazar’s legs and got off the bed. He turned the vibe down to a low speed before he got a clean pair of sweat pants and carried them back to the bed. “Come. I want pancakes.”

Balthazar stared at him dumbly for a moment before he unclenched his hands from the headboard and sat up. “yes – yes sir.” he stammered. He took the trousers and stood up, managing to only shake a little as he pulled the sweats on. He looked at Cas when he was finished, and then left the room.

Cas followed him down the stairs to the kitchen. The sweats served no purpose but to contain the mess of precum that would otherwise cover the house. Well, it wouldn’t – Balthazar would of course clean it up – but Cas didn’t want him to have to actually worry about making sure something was actually clean. The trousers also did absolutely nothing to hide how aroused Balthazar was. Somehow, in spite of his constant erection, he managed to start making pancakes as if this was a normal situation.

Cas sat down on a stool by the counter and set his phone down in front of him. He caught Balthazar eyeing the phone as he started measuring the ingredients into the bowl, and he tried not to smile too widely. When Balthazar started mixing the batter, he put his finger on the remote and slowly – ever so slowly – started inching it upward.

Balthazar’s breath hitched, and his stirring got jerky. He leaned against the counter, staring at Cas as the vibe neared its highest level. “Sir-”

“Don’t cum.”

he whined and squeezed his eyes closed. His grip was white knuckled on the spoon, and Cas wasn’t sure how he was still standing.

After nearly a minute, he slid the control back down to low levels, and Balthazar breathed out in relief and slumped over the bowl.

“...you good?”

He nodded after a moment, straightening up. “yeah. Yes, sir.” he said, his eyes completely dark.

Cas relaxed, and watched the muscles in his back ripple as he ladled the pancake batter into the preheated pans. “Are you going to burn them?” he asked curiously.

Balthazar chuckled, surprised out of his trip into subspace. “I am more likely to cum without permission than I am to ever burn something I am cooking.”

Cas got up and came around the counter. He rested his chin on Balthazar's shoulder and slid his hands up his chest.

Balthazar leaned a little back against him, reaching blindly for the drawer to get a spatula.

“What if I wanted you to fail? To cum without permission? What if I wanted to punish you?” he asked, curious. He let his fingers trace little circles around Balthazar’s nipples.

Balthazar didn’t answer until the bubbles on the top of the pancakes signalled it was time to flip them. “...I will do whatever you want.” he said finally. Diplomatically.

Cas considered that. “But you would not enjoy it.”

“Oh, I probably would enjoy it.” he said, his voice sounding calmer than it had before. “Perks of getting off to getting others off.” he said dryly. “But no. I don’t especially enjoy disobeying.”

Cas nodded, resolving to remember that information. He would have to be sure to not overtax Balthazar then – not give him an order he couldn’t follow. He pulled on a nipple, and Balthazar sighed in pleasure. “I do not want you to disobey.” he said, and he knew it was the right thing to say when his boyfriend relaxed against him. “I will not ask you impossible things.”

Balthazar turned his head to kiss him. “I love you.” he whispered.

Cas kissed him back. “yes.”

He chuckled, lifting his head to take the pancake off the heat and put it on a plate.

Cas let go of him and snagged the pancake on his way back to his seat. He propped his elbows up on the counter and took a bite of pancake as he went back to watching Balthazar.

When Balthazar looked over his shoulder and caught his eye, he turned the remote up to just enough to put him on edge.

He dragged in a breath, and the pancake he was pouring was definitely not neat and round before he dropped the ladle back into the batter and clenched his hand.

Cas took another bite of his pancake and watched him with the growing heat of pleasure unfurling in his stomach.

He left the vibe where it was for the rest of the time Balthazar made pancakes. The pancakes that were brought back to him got more and more misshapen as the cook got more and more distracted with his arousal – but, to Cas’ surprise, they were all nearly perfectly cooked.

“Come sit down and eat something.” he said once the burner was turned off.

Balthazar threw him a look that was supposed to be annoyed, but didn’t quite pull it off. He sat down on a stool, and whimpered as the vibe pressed further against his prostate.

“Still good?”

He dragged in a breath and nodded, reaching for a pancake with a shaking hand. “yes. Yeah – still...still green.” He rocked on his stool unconsciously, his pancake forgotten.

Cas turned the vibe down. “Eat. Please.” he reminded him.

He blinked at Cas for a moment, before taking a bite. “What...what do you want cleaned?”

“Just basic cleaning. Vacuum the carpet, mop the tile, clean the shower...nothing special. And it doesn’t have to be done perfect.” he added, remembering what Balthazar admitted. “This is just for a scene.” he emphasised. “The house doesn’t need to be cleaned.”

he met his eyes, and then nodded. “Alright, Cassie.”

He relaxed and reached out for Balthazar’s hand, squeezing it gently.

He smiled back. “thank you. For all of this. I...thank you.” he said seriously.

Cas shifted, feeling a flush creep up his neck. “Uh..yes…” he said, suddenly awkward.

Balthazar chuckled and continued eating his pancake.

He rolled his eyes and considered turning the vibe up just to make his boyfriend speechless, but he really did want him to eat something, so he let it go.

Balthazar fell silent, finishing his one pancake and eating a second before he got up. “Hungry for anything else, sir?” His voice was more teasing than deferential, and Cas huffed.

“No.”

“wonderful.” He gathered up the plates and the batter bowl and carried them to the sink. He swayed his hips as he walked, glancing back over his shoulder with a smirk. “Maybe we should get me a maid costume. With a skirt barely covering my ass, and a little-” he broke off with a choke as Cas slid the remote all of the way up as high as it would go. He barely slid the dishes into the sink before he sank to his knees and clutched the cabinet door. His eyes unfocused and he moaned loudly, desperately.

Cas slid off his stool with a smirk and turned to leave the kitchen.

Balthazar whimpered behind him, each breath that left his body left in the form of some moan or groan of pleasure.

“You’re doing perfectly.” he promised as he left.

He went down the hall and grabbed a book from a shelf before entering the living room and setting it down by the couch. Clutching his phone, he tip toed back to the edge of the kitchen to spy on his boyfriend.

Balthazar was hunched over, his forehead nearly pressed to the kitchen floor as he whined. He was shaking, and the hand that Cas could see pressed against the floor was white with strain.

Cas indulged himself in listening to the sinful noises for a few seconds, before he turned the vibe back down to levels that wouldn’t get Balthazar off.

The sound he let out was almost a sob, but as Cas slipped back to the living room, he heard his boyfriend drag himself back to his feet and start running dishwater.

Castiel took up a position on the couch in the living room, settled his phone with the open remote app on his chest, and tried to read his book. He spend more time playing with the vibe and listening to Balthazar struggle just to stay upright than reading – but whenever Balthazar came in sight, Cas made sure to look like he was reading.

When Balthazar finished cleaning the kitchen after more than an hour and came in with the vacuum to start cleaning the living room, cas put away his book and sat up. “come here.”

Balthazar was high on the feelings that he was experiencing, and he looked as if he had been drugged instead of just edged into subspace. He left the vacuum in the doorway and stumbled to Cas. He collapsed to his knees with little of his usual grace, and folded his hands behind his back. The line of his cock was clearly visible through his soaked trousers, and when Cas reached down and palmed his erection, Balthazar whimpered in relief.

“Do you like that?”

“Yes. Yes sir.” he whispered.

“Take off your pants.” he said, sitting crosslegged on the sofa and leaning back.

Balthazar scrambled to get to his feet and kick off his pants. When Cas gestured him down, he knelt on the floor again, looking up at Cas with hazy eyes.

Cas smiled at him. “You’re so good.” he praised, sliding the vibe control up.

He shivered, making a noise of pleasure. His hands stayed behind his back, and he didn’t move from his knees. As the seconds ticked on, he started rolling his hips involuntarily. “Sir – sir?” he gasped as he moved and pressed the vibe deeper inside of him.

Cas turned the vibe completely off.

He whimpered in disappointment.

“You’re so beautiful. I love every little noise you make.” he watched as Balthazar’s cock twitched with each sentence. “You’re so out of it right now, it’s crazy. I could do whatever I wanted, and you’d just obey. You’d make me so happy. I love that.”

Balthazar was leaning towards him, straining for something.

“I wonder if we could do sensory deprivation. If you would trust me enough to actually do whatever I wanted. I know you would.” he promised. “Because you are absolutely perfect. You’re so good.” He turned the vibe up again, and Balthazar stiffened with a whine. “What do you think of that?”

“I...I like it.” he stuttered. “Be good. Always be-be good. Cassie, please I-”

“It’s only been a couple of hours since we started.”

He moaned.

“Are you done already?” he asked, half serious.

Balthazar did make an effort to think about it. “I...I like this.” he got out, somewhat intelligibly as he started to get close to orgasm.

“How close can I get you? Get you so so close and then just...never let you tip over.” he slowly turned the speed of the vibe down.

Balthazar keened, leaning towards him again.

“You’re so quiet when youre like this. No sarcasm. I’d miss the sarcasm.” he admitted, fiddling with the speed of the vibe and watching as Balthazar’s chest rose and fell with his struggle to breathe right. “but the noises you make…” he found the speed that was just enough to keep Balthazar on edge and he set the vibe aside. “Balthazar.” he leaned forward and took hold of his chin, pulling him off his knees to kiss him.

Balthazar didn’t unclasp his hands, letting Castiel guide him until he was settled between Cas’ knees.

He reached down and slowly rolled a nipple between his fingers. “Balthazar. Do...would you like to give me a blowjob?” he asked, hesitantly.

Balthazar’s eyes dragged to meet his, and somehow he looked more aroused. It wasn’t possible of course – he was nearly shivering apart with arousal already – but he very visibly was into the idea. “Please? Please let me, sir. I’ll be good – it’ll be so good.”

Cas stroked his cheek and considered. “We will try. But keep your hands back and if I tell you to stop, you stop.” he said firmly.

Balthazar clenched his hands tighter together and nodded fervantly.

He kissed him again and then unzipped his trousers. Even with the heat that made his stomach turn pleasantly when they did these scenes, he still wasn’t hard; but a few strokes in just the right way and he had hardened enough for the purpose.

Balthazar knelt between his legs, looking up at him for permission. As soon as Cas nodded, he leaned forward and wrapped his mouth around Cas’ cock.

It was warm and wet and…

Well. It was pleasureable – human genetalia had evolved to experience pleasure during intercourse. It was just a matter of fact. But Cas didn’t see the point of it anymore than taking care of himself in the shower every few months if needed.

So after a minute, he gently threaded his hand through Balthazar’s hair and pushed him back. “Enough. That won’t work – but thank you.” he said.

Balthazar looked disappointed, but he sat back on his heels and waited.

Without continuing stimulation, Cas got soft again almost immediately, and he tucked himself away and zipped his pants back up. He sat up and kissed Balthazar’s cheek. “You did everything right.” he promised. “I’m just not into it.” he explained.

He nodded again.

“Go rinse out your mouth and drink a glass of water and then come back.” he said.

Balthazar let his hands fall to his side and he got to his feet. He dragged in a shaky breath, the vibe still going strong inside of him and shifting as he moved; and he left for the kitchen.

When he was out of sight, Cas reached for the phone and turned the control all of the way up again.

There was a cry, and then the shatter of glass.

Cas immediately jumped to his feet and was running towards the kitchen. “Balthazar!” he yelled.

He slid around the corner of the door way and saw Balthazar standing completely naked still surrounded by shards of broken glass. “Dont move!” he said sharply when he saw Balthazar bending to pick up the glass. “Just...don’t move.” he ordered. “I’ll get something to clean it up – you. Stay.”

Balthazar froze, and Cas hurried to go get the vacuum from the living room. When he came back he saw Balthazar was shaking, and he frowned and took his phone out to turn the vibe down until the mess was cleaned. He turned away from Balthazar to plug in the vacuum, and he turned the machine on.

Balthazar hadn’t moved an inch, and hadn’t stopped shaking.

When Cas had finished vacuuming, and had gone over every square inch of floor several times, he turned the vacuum off and turned to Balthazar. He reached up to stroke his boyfriend’s cheek and froze when he flinched away and threw a hand up in fear.

“Red!” Balthazar cried out in a gut-wrenchingly frightened voice.

Chapter Text

Castiel stared at his boyfriend, more confused than anything. Balthazar was shaking, and while he had slowly lowered his hand again, he still looked like he expected to be hit. “Red?” Castiel repeated.

Balthazar swallowed, his eyes squeezed shut, and he nodded jerkily.

“Red. Yeah. Yes, of course…” he trailed off, realising he didn’t know what to do now. He had never really expected that he would ever trigger a safeword, at least not without knowing how he did it…

Balthazar opened one eye slowly when nothing further happened, and Cas felt sick at the guilt he saw.

“Hey. Uh...why don’t you get dressed.” he kept his voice as comforting and calm as he could. “Take a shower if you need to – I’ll get water and food and be up after I clean up the glass.”

Balthazar seemed to hunch in on himself, but he nodded. He skirted around Cas silently and made for the stairs.

He watched him go, concerned, and then rubbed his hands over his face. All he could hear was that terrified safeword and he didn’t even know what had triggered it. He didn’t understand why Balthazar, who usually had a handle on everything personal and professional, would cower instead of speaking up for himself.

He didn’t like the picture it painted.

He grabbed a broom and the dustpan, starting to sweep up the explosion of glass on the floor. He tried to formulate a plan, but he didn’t know how to proceed. Did he do normal aftercare, or should they talk about it? Was this the end of any intimate relationship? What actually happened when a safeword was triggered?

He wanted to research it, wanted to stall for time and learn what the right answer was – but he knew he couldn’t do that. Knew that reading about it wouldn’t help him in this situation.

He went and got the vacuum, running it over the floor to grab any last shards of glass before he poured a glass of water and made a quick sandwhich to eat. Holding them both carefully, he carried them upstairs. He wasn’t sure what to expect when he reached the bedroom, and tried to prepare himself for anything.

He wasn’t expecting to see Balthazar sitting on the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands, and his shoulders shaking with sobs.

Castiel hurried in, setting his dishes on top of the dresser and rushing to his boyfriend’s side.

Balthazar flinched back at the movement and looked up, quickly trying to wipe his face. He hadn’t bothered to get dressed yet, and he shifted to slide off the bed to the floor. “I’m – I am sorry-”

Cas caught him, carefully sitting beside him on the bed. “Sorry – it was a glass. I do not care about it. Are you okay?”

He was shaking under his hands, but didn’t pull free. “I didn’t – I’m sorry. I should...should have let you punish me. You...you still can?”

he blinked, tilting his head slightly. “Punish you? For what?”

“For whatever you were going to hit me for.” he said quietly.

“I…” he gently but firmly turned Balthazar’s face to him, and frowned when he saw nothing but shame and guilt. “I would never hurt you. I do not...I could not punish you. You...you – it was an accident. Nothing worth getting upset about. And...I will not hit you. I do not want to hit you.”

Balthazar was hanging on his words.

“I was scared you would cut yourself. You were – are naked. I didn’t want you to be hurt and I was scared for you. I...I am sorry. May...may I hug you?”

Balthazar shuddered and his face crumpled. “Please…”

Castiel immediately gathered him into his arms, shifting back on the bed to pull Balthazar practically into his lap. He held him, tucking his chin over his head and wrapping his arms around him.

Balthazar curled against him, crying again.

“I am not mad or upset with you, I am only worried. I love you. I will never hurt you like that.” he said quietly. “I love you. You have done nothing wrong.” he repeated.

He held him until the sobs died down, and Balthazar spoke.

“There...there was my first – well. She would...she would get me into subspace…” Balthazar dragged in a shaky breath and finally wrapped his arms around Cas. “And she would make me fail just to have an excuse to...to punish me. Every time. And...if I...I wasn’t allowed to safeword out of punishments.” he mumbled.

Cas forced himself to stay calm and not tense up in anger. “She sounds like…” he trailed off as he couldn’t find a word strong enough for how he felt about this woman at the moment.

Balthazar chuckled. “She’s gone – don’t go running off to save me.” he relaxed, finally calming down. “I don’t...Crowley, he helped. Taught me how to play properly – retrained me into using safewords...but…” he dragged in a shaky breath. “I should have told you or…”

“Don’t apologise.” he said quietly. “You did nothing wrong.”

“Cas-”

“No. It was a mistake, and a trigger. You did nothing wrong.” he emphasised. “And now I do know and...we can take a break. As long as you need.”

Balthazar was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke his voice was tight with tears again. “I can’t...I’m not a bloody priest. I don’t want to wait forever.”

His lip twitched in amusement. “But not today.”

He shook his head after a moment. “I am sorry, Cassie…”

“Do you need to cum?”

He shrugged. “I...not now. I just...I just want to stay here. Please.”

Castiel nodded quickly. “Yes. Alright. As long as you want.”

*****

Castiel held Balthazar until his boyfriend finally reluctantly pulled back, embarrassingly asking to take the plug out and take a shower. Castiel hurried to help him, to let him go, and then they were back in bed.

Balthazar fell asleep at some point, and Castiel had half dozed off himself when he woke back up. He wrapped an arm around Cas’ waist, shifting.

Cas reached over and turned on the side table lamp. “Hey. How are you?”

He closed his eyes against the light for a moment and sighed. “I am...I’m fine, Cassie. Just...embarrassed.” he let go of him, and sat up, running a hand through his hair.

“Why would you be embarrassed?” he frowned a little.

Balthazar looked at him, arching an eyebrow. “You do remember the part where I was so out of my mind that I thought you were going to hit me in anger, yes?”

He tilted his head, not understanding.

“...I know you will never hurt me, Cassie. I’m just...it was stupid, and I’m embarrassed.” he sighed.

Castiel took his hand. “It is not stupid.” he said firmly. “It is...PTSD?” he guessed. “It is not stupid.”

“It’s not PTSD, it’s just…” he closed his eyes. “Bad memories.”

Cas raised his eyebrows but didn’t argue. “it still is not stupid. I am sorry I didn’t know…”

“Don’t you apologise, darling – if it isn’t mine, it definitely isn’t your fault.”

Cas pulled him gently, wrapping an arm around him on a hunch, rewarded when Balthazar relaxed against him. “I love you. I will not hurt you. I will be here to help you feel better.” he promised.

He relaxed further. “...you’re entirely too noble, darling.” he whispered.

“You deserve it.”

He huffed, but the shame was gone finally, and Cas relaxed too.

Chapter Text

After the incident, their bedroom activities went back to chaste cuddling and occasional kisses. Nothing risque, nothing extreme, certainly nothing with Castiel in charge. They talked, about Naomi, about sex, about how they felt...but that was as far as it went; and Castiel wasn’t ashamed to admit he was terrified. He didn’t want to hurt Balthazar, and he had so little experience… he was bound to hurt him sooner or later.

So they did nothing.

As the weeks went by, Balthazar started perking up again, not-so-casual touches before he went for work, kisses stolen in the corners as they passed, invitations to join him in the shower…

Castiel ignored it. He ignored Balthazar walking around the house in tight leather trousers without a shirt, ignored him when he came out of the shower with not even a towel on, ignored him when he kissed Castiel at night and blatantly asked him to fuck him silly.

The last one was harder to ignore he had to admit, but he knew that if they kept doing this, that it would sour sooner or later – that was a given. That was always how it went. They wanted sex, then they wanted more sex, and it didn’t matter if he liked it now…

That was what he was thinking about when Balthazar came down the stairs with purpose. He carried a nondescript brown box with him and disappeared into the kitchen. Castiel watched him go with some confusion before turning the page of his book and continuing where he left off.

A few moments later, the book was pulled from his hands and a coffee cup replaced it. Balthazar carefully bookmarked the page and then set it aside.

“Don’t drink that yet, darling.” he said before Cas could take a sip.

“...what do you want?”

“I want you to fuck me.”

it felt like the air was sucked from the room, and he was glad he hadn’t taken a sip of his coffee because he would have spewed it all over Balthazar. “W-what?” he squeaked. He knew what. Knew this would come. Knew Balthazar would eventually push for it. And the way he said it – it felt like an ultimatum of some kind. And here – here he couldn’t ignore Balthazar, couldn’t brush it off. They were going to have this conversation whether he wanted to or not. “Is this because I won’t-”

Because he wouldn’t dominate Balthazar again. That must be it. He wasn’t getting anything out of this relationship anymore and when Cas said no he was going to break up with him or if Cas said yes eventually he would get sick of sex with him and go find someone who was better at pleasing him and why was Balthazar smiling?

Balthazar dumped the box in his lap. “don’t panic yet, love. This is for you.”

he frowned at the box, and then set the coffee mug aside. Viagra? To help him get aroused? Didn’t that come in a bottle? He ripped off the tape and opened the box. There was something oblong in a black satin bag, and he tipped it out into his hand.

He was not expecting the dildo to flop into his lap, and he frowned harder at it. It was a few inches longer than natural, and definitely a bit thicker. And it was also made in the design of the asexual pride flag.

Balthazar leaned close as Cas looked up in confusion. “I want you to fuck me.”

“...why did you give me a dildo?”

“I know you are asexual. And I know you feel like I will need to have traditional penetrative sex to be fulfilled – which I absolutely do not need.” he said firmly. “So whenever you think I need to be fucked traditionally, you can use this.”

he poked the dildo. “But that’s not…” it still wasn’t actual sex!

Balthazar took his hands. “Cassie. I promise. It is perfectly acceptable. I do not care. Sex is….there is more to sex than heterosexual missionary position.”

he looked into Balthazar’s eyes, trying to find any hint of hesitation or regret. “What about...what about last-”

“It happens. That is why safe words are there.” he shifted closer to him. “If you genuinely don’t want to get me off, or let me get you off, or...anything related to sex – then I will understand and I will be fine.” he promised. “But I want it to be because you actually aren’t interested, and not just because you feel guilty over something that isn’t your fault.”

He felt his face heat up, and looked down, only to have to look back up to avoid staring at the dildo.

“It wasn’t your fault, and I didn’t know it was coming. A safeword is not a sign of failure, it is a sign of good boundaries. If you safe word out for whatever reason, that won’t be my fault either.” he explained as gently as he could. “I know...Well, I won’t say I’m not attractive – I know you’ve been watching me.” he smirked, and Castiel rolled his eyes. “But I know that you don’t have the same relationship to sex as I do, and I respect that, darling. I just...if there’s a chance that you still…” he trailed off, looking down at the dildo suggestively.

Castiel looked down too, thinking.

He could imagine it, could imagine stretching Balthazar out and filling him with this toy. He could imagine pumping it in and out of him – hard or slow, depending on his mood. He could just imagine the noises Balthazar would make, and he could feel heat pool pleasantly in the pit of his stomach again.

“You’re…sure?”

“silicone, flesh, man, woman...I simply like to get played with.” he answered plainly, amused. “And if all you like is cuddling up at night, fully clothed, and kissing with closed mouths, then that is all I will want too.”

Castiel studied him, searching for anything there but sincerity. “Oh.” He looked down at the dildo, in the colours of his pride flag, and almost wanted to cry. “You got this…”

“For me. Well, for you – but hopefully you use it on me.” he purred.

Castiel smacked his hand lightly and picked up the dildo, turning it over in his hands. “This is…” he didn’t have much experience with male members of course, but this was at least four fingers worth of stretching, and he couldn’t imagine it was comfortable.

“I like being full.” He answered, his voice a little rougher.

He looked up, meeting his boyfriend’s eyes, and hugged him suddenly. “I love you. And...and I want you. For now. I can’t...I cannot promise I will want this forever but…”

“Then we will renegotiate when your needs change.” Balthazar promised, holding him tight.

He breathed out, finally deciding to trust him. “...Do you have plans today?”

“...today?” his voice was a little higher. “No. No plans.” he hurried to say.

“Would you like...to try this?”

Balthazar pulled back just enough to kiss him, melting into his arms as he moved his arms around Castiel’s neck.

Castiel smiled and stood, lifting Balthazar with a little bit of effort and carrying him slowly up the stairs while Balthazar did his damndest to make him forget how to walk. He ran his fingers through his hair, kissing him desperately, kissing everything he could reach.

Castiel threw him on the bed, and Balthazar bounced a little, breathing heavily. He looked up at him, his eyes already darkened.

He tilted his head, looking down at his boyfriend, who was waiting expectantly. Finally, he knelt on the bed, slowly straddling Balthazar.

Balthazar let out a breathy sigh, his hands hesitantly coming to rest on Cas’ hips. He looked up at him, waiting for direction. “Cassie?”

Cas rested his hands on Balthazar’s shoulder, slowly sliding his hands down his chest. He reached the hem of his t-shirt and slowly started sliding it back up his body.

He shivered, letting go of Cas and raising his hands so his shirt could slide off his body. “Just tell me what you-”

“I want you to feel. I just…” he leaned down and kissed him. “I just want you to feel. That’s all I want.”

“Do you want me to touch-”

He shook his head, kissing him again. “No. No – not this time, Balthazar. Just let me…”

He nodded jerkily, reaching up and wrapping his hands around the headboard.

Castiel smiled, content as he kissed Balthazar at his own speed. Balthazar was engaged, was more than happy to kiss back with as much fervour as he got; but it was up to Castiel where his hands wandered and what he touched. And he did touch. He trailed his hands over Balthazar’s skin, tracing the lines of his muscles and gently tugging on his nipples.

Balthazar whimpered, arching up against him. “Cassie-”

He hummed, kissing him again, swallowing the noises he made so easily.

Balthazar was rolling his hips lazily under him, his face blissed out in contentment, and it made Castiel content too. Knowing he made Balthazar this happy, that he didn’t even have to be touched… He kissed him again.

“You are so...beautiful. So perfect…” He promised, sliding down further on Balthazar’s body.

Balthazar watched him, his hands never leaving the headboard. He swallowed.

He slowly undid Balthazar’s fly, watching his face. He undid his belt, pulled down the zipper, and slowly started sliding his trousers down over his hips.

He was breathing shallowly, staring back at Cas with open and obvious need and trust, and Castiel wanted to give him the world for that.

“What do you want? What do you want me to do to you?”

He made an unintelligible noise.

Castiel smiled a little.

“I-” he broke off and swallowed, taking a deep breath. “I want…”

Castiel watched in fascination as he fully hardened, and his blush spread down his chest.

“Can...can you make me cum? A..a few times?”

He stroked him slowly, and Balthazar shuddered. “A few times?”

“And maybe...don’t…” he swallowed, embarrassed to say it, but obviously turned on. “Don’t let me cum?”

“You...want to not cum?” he asked, still slowly stroking his cock.

“Do...do I really need to-” he gasped, arching a little off the bed. “Do I really need to explain verbally how much I love it?” he whined. “Do – do you want me to beg? I’ll beg, I swear. Please – please. Touch me, edge me – string me out until you have to tie me down so I don’t get free just- I need you. Whatever you will give...”

Castiel smiled. “I believe I can...accommodate those requests.”

Balthazar shuddered, and Castiel abruptly let go of him, surprised. “You...that easily?”

Balthazar breathed heavily as he came back down from the edge of orgasm. He slumped back on the bed. “I. Regret this already.”

Castiel laughed a little. “You did ask for this.” he reminded him in a plain voice, stroking his cock again.

“I did, darling….” he arched his head back against the bed. “Oh, don’t stop….” he mumbled.

“I...cannot promise that.” he shifted off Balthazar’s legs, sliding his trousers the rest of the way off and settling in between his thighs.

Balthazar spread his legs gladly, shifting to try to give Castiel more room.

“You’re so...beautiful.” He slowly started stroking his cock again. “You’re so...perfect, amazing, beautiful.” He bent his head down and licked an experimental stripe up the underside of Balthazar’s cock.

Balthazar arched off the bed again. “Cas – Cas I – don’t do that!”

He resisted the urge to wipe his tongue off. “I won’t.” he promised, ruefully. “But you liked it.”

Balthazar was struggling to remember how to breathe, whimpering as he tried not to cum yet, and Castiel quickly let go of him again.

“Sorry.” he patted his thigh apologetically.

He slowly calmed down again, his grip loosening on the headboard again. “You are too good..too good-”

Castiel climbed back up the bed to kiss him. “I love you. You deserve everything. Everything.”

Balthazar stared at him as though he was something incomprehensible.

“Everything.” he promised emphatically.

He nodded slowly. “Can...can I have everything then?” he asked hopefully, and Castiel laughed.

“yes. Yes I will give you everything. I love you.” he promised him.