Chapter Text
"We must be willing to let go of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us"- Joseph Campbell
The Wizarding community of Paris, Canada had been a nice change from England; the town was small, close together and welcoming.
Shortly after moving into his new 3 bedroom home a knock had sounded on his door, that was how he met Nina Chadwell, his saving grace, she took one look at his face, saw his bloodshot eyes with bags underneath and set herself as his protector.
Ms.Chadwell never pushed him to talk, never asked him why he moved here, why he was alone, and Harry fathomed that was the reason he told her everything.
All the pain, loneliness, fear, anger, and grief came spilling out from his lips. The response that he got through her tears, struck something deep inside him " Well my dear, what can I do to help", no curiosity, no expectations, just a simple offer of help.
That help gave him the push he needed to reach out and join a support group, granted he pulled into himself again, but as his stomach grew with new life, so did his want to face his loss.
Harry glanced around and observed the people that shared his feelings, and for once when Daniel, the bereavement counsellor asked if he would like to share his story, for the first time in months, he nodded.
"Back home there was a war going on, and Severus and I were forced to marry when I was 15, as a way to protect me from some kind of plan," a grimace pulled at Harrys face "the first 6 months were absolute hell for both of us, Severus came back from a Death Eater meeting a mess, he became a spy when I was still a baby and something changed, we began to talk and actually got to know each other, took care of each other" he rested a trembling hand on his swollen abdomen while he paused to gather his thoughts.
Swallowing around the lump in his throat he continued " We didn't want our marriage to end so we Soul Bonded, a few people I had thought of as family didn't understand, or didn't want to," he tried to blink away the blurriness from his vision when a kleenex was pressed into his hand he wiped the tears " those were the best 6 years of my life, he was gentle and warm, he was always there when I needed him, and I lost him to a fucked up war that could have been prevented,"
Harry felt a hand rubbing his back as he forced himself to continue "I had to watch as he died…he…died…and I couldn't do anything to stop it!," the group sat in silence giving Harry the time he needed to collect himself.
The silence was broken by his quiet voice "Most days I feel like I'm drowning, I reach through the bond and it just ends, there's no one on the other end, I wake up and reach out for him and the bed is cold," he blew his nose before running his hand over his belly "and when I felt our baby kick, I got so excited that I forgot…I forgot he wasn't here anymore. I realized that our child will never…never get to know their other father."
Harrys bloodshot eyes bounced from member to member, all who bore understanding looks on their faces before finally landing on Daniel who always exuded an easy, reassuring air about him.
"You've most likely heard me say this a million times, but there is no time limit on grief, just as there is no right way to grieve, it takes many shapes and forms. Some people cry, get angry, and some people have an easier time accepting it, but you have to do what is right for you ."
"The one thing that I have learned is that grief is just another type of love. Love leaves a mark on all of us."
A pained smile pulled at Harry lips, his words wobbly and unsure " How though? I try to do things how I used to, but it doesn't feel right anymore, I don't feel right," he observed the man in the brief silence that followed, watching for any kind of hesitation, or worse, pity.
"Loving and being loved changes us. You were a different person before you fell in love, just as you were a different person before you lost Severus, and now, now you are trying to find yourself after Severus' passing."
"You can't go back to your old routine because a piece of it and you is missing, just like all of us, you are looking for the new Harry Prince, the Harry Prince without Severus,"
Daniels words hurt but they were true, he was trying to cling to the life he had with Severus, trying to force pieces of a puzzle together with all the wrong parts.
Every time he went through their old routine he expected Severus to walk through the door, maybe it was time to reach out to more people than the Malfoys, he definitely needed to reach out to Minerva, and possibly Molly.
"How do I find him, the Harry without Severus?"
"It's not easy, but you put one foot in front of the other and you endure "