Chapter Text
That Which Is Only In Dreams
"UOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"
To say I was startled by Shimamura's sudden outburst would be a massive understatement. Frozen in place beside her like a deer caught in the headlights of two motorcycles, I watched as she lowered her arms which had been stretched out high above her head. She must have been amused by the look she saw on my face when she turned towards me because after studying me for a moment she chuckled softly before giving me a gentle smile.
"Sorry about that, but I do feel a lot better now."
"That's good… I think."
We were standing at the spot where I had parked my bike when I came to the mall, and since the air had gotten even cooler while we were inside I insisted that Shimamura wear my coat. Despite her protests, I could tell she was grateful for it. I knew how much she hated being cold and even if it was her own fault for not dressing appropriately I simply couldn't bear to see her shivering. If only one of us could be warm I would rather it be her. I was fine, really.
After Tarumi left and the two of us had finished our donuts, we decided there wasn't anything else we particularly wanted to do here. Rather than immediately go our separate ways, Shimamura had offered to walk with me back to the parking lot. Needless to say I had no objections, plus there was still one more thing we needed to talk about. Evidently, Shimamura hadn't forgotten about it either. Still smiling, she placed her hands on her hips and leaned forward slightly.
"So, did you think about what you want?"
I nodded once in affirmation. "I did."
"And?"
"I…" I swallowed in an attempt to calm the butterflies that were starting to flutter inside my stomach. "I want to sleep with you… tonight."
Shimamura cocked her head to the side, clearly puzzled. I could feel my body temperature rising uncontrollably under her questioning gaze.
"Didn't we just sleep together the other day?"
"W-we did… but…"
"And you want to sleep with me again tonight?"
"If you really don't want to…"
Straightening up she gave me a pat on the shoulder.
"Oh no, it's fine. I promised I would do anything you wanted and I meant it." She gave me another smile which soon turned back into her quizzical stare. "Although, I was kind of expecting…"
"What?"
"Oh! N-nothing!" Ahahaha!
As Shimamura laughed awkwardly I could see a splash of red spreading across her face. Judging from the warmth I still felt in my own cheeks, they probably looked a lot like hers right now.
"A-anyway, we do have school tomorrow so you should probably at least go home to get your uniform and whatever else you need." Shimamura lifted one hand slightly to wave goodbye as she turned to walk away. "I'll see you at my place in a bit, okay?"
Before Shimamura could take a step I reached forward and caught her by the coat's sleeve, tugging on it gently to stop her.
"That's… not what I meant…"
"…Huh?"
"I don't want to go to your house…"
Shimamura blinked at me in surprise. Clearly she hadn't expected this.
"Then…?"
"I want you to come to mine."
"…"
"…"
"Huh!?"
"And so, I arrived at Adachi's house."
"You're mean, Shimamura."
"Hehehe, sorry… I couldn't help it.”
Since I didn't want Shimamura to have to walk all the way to her house to pack and then carry everything over to mine I had given her a ride on the back of my bike. Her mother had definitely been surprised when Shimamura said she was sleeping over at my house tonight but she didn't object. If anything, it almost seemed like she was sort of happy about it. I'm not entirely sure how to describe her mother's expression as she looked me over from head to toe, but apparently she didn’t disapprove of me. Whatever that meant.
Her sister on the other hand was less than enthusiastic, but Shimamura just gave her a pat on the head and told her to be nice. The small girl responded by silently glaring at me as I waited for Shimamura to fill a duffel bag with the clothing and toiletries she would need. I'm sorry, but I'm stealing your sister for the night.
When Shimamura had finished getting ready, including putting on her own coat and scarf this time, she met me by the front door where she turned and shouted goodbye to everyone before we headed out.
"Besides, this isn't the first time you've been to my house."
"I know, but I didn't come inside before." Shimamura bowed to no one in particular before crossing the threshold. "Pardon the intrusion."
"You don't need to be so formal, it's just us here."
Shimamura looked up at me in astonishment while we took off our shoes in the foyer. "What about your mom?"
"She has a business meeting out of town in the morning so she left earlier today."
While I had been to Shimamura's house often enough that I was beginning to feel somewhat comfortable there, the idea of her coming here made me equally excited and anxious. In addition to the general nervousness that always comes with letting someone into your personal space, I was keenly aware of the difference in our family lives. Shimamura had a level of closeness with her relatives that I doubted I would ever be able to have with mine. In fact, on more than one occasion I had found myself actively resenting them for being so close to her even as I did my best to get along with them.
And it wasn't that I was embarrassed for Shimamura to see my room or anything like that. Sure, I was nervous but I had daydreamed about bringing her here ever since the first time I went to hers. After all, I didn't think it was fair that I got to see what her home was like but she hadn't seen mine. No, the problem was that my house usually wasn't a very comfortable place to be and I didn't want Shimamura to feel stuck in the middle of an awkward situation. I had been considering using some of the money I earned from my part-time job to pay for a hotel room so that we could spend a night alone when my mother suddenly told me that she wouldn't be here tonight. The timing couldn't have been more perfect, and I doubted that I would ever get this lucky again.
I led Shimamura into the living room where, instead of flipping the switch for the overhead light, I made my way through the darkness to the lamp that sat on a side table next to the sofa. Reaching under the lampshade I turned the knob until a gentle light filled the room, giving it a warm and cozy feeling.
"Make yourself at home." I motioned towards the sofa, prompting her to put her bags on the floor and sit down. "I'll go fix us some dinner. Feel free to watch TV if you want."
"Hmmmmmm. What if I'd rather watch you instead?"
"Please don't… I wouldn't be able to focus and would probably ruin it."
"Fine, fine. I'll wait here." Shimamura found the remote on the arm of the sofa and switched on the TV. "But you'd better make me something yummy!"
"I-I'll do my best!"
I knew how to make okonomiyaki, having made quite a bit of it as practice when Shimamura and I had agreed to make lunch for each other, but not much else. She seemed to enjoy it, though, and I could only hope that she hadn't gotten tired of it. At least this time I would be able to serve it to her fresh off the griddle. As an added bonus, her comments from the previous time had given me a better idea of what ingredients she did and didn't like so after a quick trip to the grocery store this morning I was more prepared to cater to her tastes.
While I would have liked to make one large enough to share, I was afraid that if I made it too big I would end up breaking it when I flipped it over so instead I just made two smaller ones for each of us. Once they were done I quickly set the table and called out to Shimamura. While she came to the kitchen and sat down I grabbed a small plastic food storage container off of the counter before sitting next to her.
"Mmmm, smells good!" Shimamura smiled as she clapped her hands together. "Thanks for the meal!"
I followed suit and then we picked up our chopsticks and each took a bite.
"Tastes good too!"
"I'm glad you like it."
"So… what's that?" Shimamura looked over at the plastic container.
"It's chocolate… I thought we could have some for dessert."
"Hmm, doesn't look store-bought. Is it homemade?"
"I… one of my mother's coworkers made them."
"Is it okay for us to eat them?"
"I-it's fine…"
We chatted idly as we ate our okonomiyaki. I honestly couldn't couldn't even tell you what we talked about. All I could pay any attention to was the fact that Shimamura was in my house and enjoying a meal I had cooked for her. If only we lived together, every night would be as wonderful as this.
When we had finished I opened the container of chocolates and held it out to her.
"So… want to try one?"
"Sure." Instead of reaching into the container like I expected her to, Shimamura leaned toward me and opened her mouth. "Aaaaaah…"
My hand shaking, I picked up a piece of chocolate and placed it on her tongue. Fortunately her eyes were closed so she couldn't see how nervous I was as her soft lips closed around my fingers, sending shivers up my arm.
"H-how is it…?"
"Hmmm…" Shimamura chewed the chocolate slowly before swallowing and opening her eyes. "It's okay."
"Just okay?"
"Well… the texture is nice but it's a little too bitter."
“I see.”
I ate a piece as well and made a mental note to add more sugar. I didn’t like lying to Shimamura, but I was pretty sure that if I told her the truth she wouldn’t have given me her honest opinion. Valentines Day was still four months away but unlike last year where I ended up running out of time and having to go with her to buy chocolates at the last minute, this time I was determined to give her something truly special. It was going to be our first Valentines Day as a couple and I wanted to make sure that she knew just how important she was to me. I had already made some improvements. Instead of simply melting and refreezing premade chocolate, I had found a recipe to make my own from cacao butter and powder. I even learned how to improve the texture by tempering it. Now I just needed to get the balance of cacao, sugar, and milk right for Shimamura’s tastes.
To my surprise, she picked up another piece and ate it. And then another.
“I thought you didn’t like it?”
“I said it’s okay. Besides, you went through a lot of trouble to make them, didn’t you?”
Once again I froze in place. Shimamura had seen right through me.
“I’m sorry…”
"You're so funny, Adachi!" Shimamura laughed. "That's so you, though."
"I-I'm sorry…" At a loss for words, I apologized again as I hung my head in shame.
"It's not necessarily a bad thing, you know."
Saying this, Shimamura leaned towards me just enough to press her lips against my forehead, and I could practically feel my head starting to spin. As happy as I was, I knew I had to calm down before I made an even bigger mistake and ruined everything. In order to do that I needed to put some distance between us for a little while. As much as it pained me, it was imperative that I regain my focus.
"If you're ready, you can go ahead and take your bath first."
"Are you sure? I figured you'd want to join me."
I did want to join her. Desperately so. Nevertheless, the last time I shared such a small bathtub with her I ended up passing out and I couldn't afford to let that happen again. Not tonight.
"I-it's okay…" I stammered, searching for an excuse to turn down her invitation. "I… I need to clean up out here anyway. I'll take mine when you're done."
"Hmmm… well if you say so."
"Yeah…" I nodded in a way that I hoped was convincing. Shimamura grabbed her duffel bag from the living room and followed me as I showed her to the bathroom. She paused as she opened the door and turned to give me a long contemplative look.
"Is… something wrong?"
After a moment Shimamura shook her head and smiled as she answered. "Nope, nothing at all!"
Once she had stepped inside and closed the door I let out a sigh of relief. Was this really happening? Were Shimamura and I really spending the night together in my house alone? Things had been happening so fast since Friday that my heart felt like it was on a high-speed roller coaster and I never knew if the next moment would send me soaring happily into the sky or plummeting into the depths of despair. Right this moment, however, things were going pretty smoothly and would probably stay that way for the rest of the night as long as I didn't do anything stupid. At least between cleaning up our dishes and taking my own bath after Shimamura finished hers I would have plenty of time to collect my thoughts.
That's right, I thought to myself. Everything's going to be fine.
I have to say, I wasn't expecting them to be quite this soft. They were so comfortable I could probably lay on them all night without moving a muscle. Adachi was pretty lucky, if I dare say so myself, and I was more than a little bit jealous of her. Honestly mine didn't even compare. I took a deep breath as I buried my face, and momentarily lost myself in her pleasant aroma.
And to think, she sleeps here every night.
Lifting my face from Adachi's pillow, I sat up on her bed and carefully smoothed out the covers where I had been laying. There wasn't much for me to do while waiting for her to finish her bath so I took some time to look around her room. It was smaller than the one my sister and I shared but it was so clean and well organized that it didn’t feel cramped. Great care had been taken to make sure that everything was in its proper place. I chuckled, it was so like her.
I continued to scan the room, taking note of each of her possessions. I didn’t want to be nosy but there wasn’t anything else for me to do right then. Besides, Adachi was my girlfriend and she had invited me into her room so it’s not like I was invading her privacy or anything.
This is perfectly normal when you’re in your girlfriend's room, I nodded to myself. Perfectly normal, except that there was no one else in the house. I had stayed the night with her before, shared the same bed even, but only when there were others nearby such as my family when she came over or the rest of our class during the school trip. This time was different. This time we were alone.
Alone. I could feel my face growing hot as my heart beat faster and faster when I thought about that. My girlfriend and I were alone in her house. There would be no one to bother us tonight.
I knew it was no small feat for Adachi to do what I had asked of her. As hard as it was, I truly believed that it was important for all of us to do what we had done today. If things had continued the way they were going there would surely be another disaster before much longer. No, I had to set things straight with everyone no matter how much it hurt to do so. I loved Adachi, I really did, and that’s why I was so proud of her for trying so hard.
My eyes fell upon a boomerang sitting on her bookshelf, prominently displayed as if it were some kind of trophy. It was the same one I had given her for Christmas. I chuckled again as I remembered the look on her face when I gave it to her. I wouldn't make that mistake again. Gift advice from Nagafuji. Bad idea.
What was next to it, however, puzzled me. An empty can of Pocari accompanied the boomerang. There was nothing else on that entire shelf, just the boomerang and the empty can. Given how clean the rest of her room was, it seemed unlikely that Adachi had simply forgotten to throw it away. Also if she had just left it somewhere when she finished drinking it, why would it be on the bookshelf of all places? I could understand her treasuring any gift I gave her enough to display it even if she didn't actually care for the item itself, but if she cared so much about the boomerang why would she leave a piece of trash next to it while the rest of her room was spotless? To top it all off, she only drank mineral water. I couldn't recall her ever drinking a sports drink or even fruit juice. Mysterious indeed.
My pondering of Adachi’s choice in decor was interrupted by the sound of the bedroom door opening.
“Welcome home, dear!” I grinned, imitating the way Mom greeted Dad when he came home after a long day at work.
“Thanks.” Adachi said softly. Then, after pausing for a moment, “I’m home…”
I laughed as she stepped into the room. It was so much fun to tease her that I started to wonder if Mom was rubbing off on me. Actually, let’s not think about that right now.
I leaned back on my hands as she sat down next to me. We stayed that way for a bit: the two of us just sitting on her bed in our pajamas sharing a moment together in silence; Adachi looking at me, and I at her.
“So… was there anything else you wanted to do tonight? Or are we just going to bed?” I asked, breaking the silence.
Adachi shook her head. It seemed like spending another night with me really was all she wanted. In a way it was a bit of a letdown. When I had offered to do something for her if she would meet with Tarumi I had thought she would ask for something special. I suppose coming to her house was sort of special in itself but aside from that we hadn't really done anything out of the ordinary. Still, if this was enough for her then I guess I couldn't complain too much. Just being able to spend some time together without having to worry about anyone else was pretty nice. Besides, even if it was still a bit early, I doubted I would have much trouble falling asleep.
“Well, in that case…” I started to say as I lifted the covers to crawl underneath them. I stopped when I looked over at Adachi and saw that she had started unbuttoning her pajama top.
“Hey, what are you doing?” I asked in shock as she stood up, having removed her top and set it on the floor. Next she slid off her pajama bottom and turned to face me. Adachi, my girlfriend, stood before me wearing nothing but her panties. I doubted by now that I even needed to mention what color they were. I kind of regret never asking what her favorite color was before telling her mine. Whatever it used to be, I'm sure the answer now would be blue.
I wasn't sure which was more stunning, her slender body's natural beauty or the fact that she had suddenly started stripping right in front of me. I couldn't have looked away even if I had wanted to, and my heart began pounding in my chest as I stared up at her.
You too, Shimamura, her eyes said to mine. Captivated by her gaze I didn’t even notice that she was trembling.
“You promised.”
I… I had, hadn’t I? I mean technically I never promised that I would do this specifically. True, I had made a one-time promise that I would do anything with her that she wanted me to and theoretically this was something she might have thought about, but I never imagined she would want to do it so soon. I mean, yes we were girlfriends now so I guess it’s not unnatural that we would do this eventually but we’ve only been officially going out for a few weeks and I didn’t think either of us were ready for it. We haven’t even had our first real kiss yet. Speaking of kisses I was almost certain that that’s what she was going to ask for.
I want you to give me my first kiss, Shimamura, is what I had expected her to say. Then I would smile and act all cool and stuff while she stood there getting more and more flustered until I took her hand, pulled her to me, and pressed my lips to hers. Something like that. Yeah. Maybe I would even give her several kisses.
Instead she had brought me to her room while her mother was away and was now standing in front of me nearly naked. Weren't we skipping a few steps here? Was this the result of her lack of experience in relationships with other people? Now that I thought about it that could be the case. Most teenagers talk about this sort of thing all the time but I’m pretty sure she never has. Given her family situation it wouldn’t surprise me if her parents never talked about it with her either. But what about TV or manga? Surely she’s seen or read something by now that would show her that there was a natural order to these things. Wait a minute, what kind of shows does she even watch? What kind of books does she read? Does she read anything other than what she has to for school? For all the time we’ve spent together we’ve hardly ever talked about what kinds of things we were interested in. Small talk like that just wasn’t something we did.
Besides, even if she was okay with this, what about me? I wasn't ready yet, was I? Probably not. At least, I didn't think I was. Actually… how did I really feel about it? I definitely felt something , that's for sure. I did love her, so perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea after all. Also, what would happen if I said no? Was that even an option at this point? After the things I had asked and the promise I'd made, after everything she'd done no matter how painful it had been, could I really deny her if she wanted this from me in return?
When they said “you’ve made your own bed and now you have to sleep in it” I didn’t think they meant it this literally.
Nervously I stood up and began removing my pajamas while Adachi's eyes followed my every movement. Soon, just like her, I too wore nothing but a pair of plain white underwear. If I had known I would be modeling for her I would have made sure to wear something more interesting. Fidgeting awkwardly as I tried to find somewhere to put my hands, I struggled with the urge to cover myself while simultaneously opening up to her gaze. Somehow this was even more embarrassing than when she was looking at me in the bath during the school trip, and we had been fully nude then. Maybe it's because back then I knew she was only looking but tonight I got the feeling she wanted more.
"You're so pretty, Shimamura."
If my entire face wasn't already bright red by now it definitely was after hearing those words.
"Thanks…" I mumbled. "But you're way prettier than I am."
She simply shook her head, her eyes remaining locked on me as the rest of her face slowly moved back and forth. Just how long was she going to keep staring at me? Adachi didn't show any signs of moving forward from here and as the moment stretched on I could practically hear the steam coming out of my ears.
"Ummm… so now what?" I asked when I could no longer take the suspense. Suddenly she nodded as though my question had been the signal she was waiting for.
"Right…" she said as she turned slightly and stepped past me towards the bed. What part of this is "right"!? Of course it's not right! Although, is it really that wrong? Maybe? I don't know. She loves me and I love her, which means this is perfectly natural… doesn't it? The thoughts spun around in my head so fast that I could feel myself getting dizzy. It was sudden to be sure, and I had clearly underestimated the intensity of Adachi's desires, but I couldn't exactly say that I didn't share them.
Oblivious to the maelstrom raging inside me, Adachi reached for the bed covers to pull them back. And then down she went.
WHAM!!!
"Adachi!!!" I cried out as she suddenly fell to the floor. Looking down at her I quickly realized what had happened. She had been so focused on me that she hadn't realized that the pajamas she left on the floor were still right in front of her. When she moved toward the bed they got tangled around her feet causing her to fall. On the way down her face hit the edge of the bedframe and she now lay on the floor curled up into a ball with her eyes shut tight and a hand held over her mouth.
I knelt down beside her and asked if she was okay. Sitting up she responded by waving her free hand towards her desk where a box of tissues was sitting. I grabbed the box as quickly as I could and held it out to her. She took a few and pressed them against her mouth. I was afraid she might have knocked a tooth loose but it turned out she merely bit her lower lip, causing it to bleed on the inside.
As I kneeled there and watched my girlfriend sitting on the floor of her bedroom while holding a wad of bloody tissues to her lip, I couldn't help but think that something about trying so hard to reach her goal only to literally trip at the finish line struck me as being very Adachi-like. Speaking of which, her tongue had been bleeding when she first confessed her feelings and asked me to go out with her. I was starting to see a pattern emerge here. Would all of our intimate first moments be marked with Adachi's blood? I hoped not, it was kind of gross to be honest.
Turning her head in my direction, her eyes met mine and after staring at me for a moment she suddenly opened them as wide as they would go. She glanced at what I was wearing and then down at herself before rapidly looking all around the room as if she had just now realized where she was and what she had been doing. When she faced me again a wave of pink began spreading from the center of her chest to the tips of her ears making her pale skin closely resemble the blooming petals after which she had been named.
As Adachi's anxiety level rose, mine began to subside. Finally… we're back in familiar territory. This was the Adachi I knew.
Pretty soon the bleeding had stopped and Adachi lowered the tissue from her face. For a while she just sat there staring at it in her hand with her head hung low. I couldn't see her eyes through her bangs but from the way her shoulders had started shaking I got the feeling that she would soon be in tears. That is, assuming she wasn't already.
"Why…"
I could barely hear her whispers but it wasn't hard to guess what she was saying. I decided I should probably do something before she ran away again. Yeah, that would be really bad.
Still sitting on my knees I slid closer to her. Reaching up with my right hand I began to gently stroke her hair. As I did she leaned forward until her forehead rested on my shoulder.
"Hey, Adachi…" I said quietly into her ear. "What's going on? What's all this about?"
"I…" It seemed that she still struggled sometimes with getting the words she wanted to say to come out of her mouth.
"Yes?" I asked her to continue. As my hand caressed her head I felt a few warm drops of moisture falling against my skin.
"I… I wanted to be closer to you…"
"We're already dating each other. Is that not close enough?"
"But… you're close to other people too… I just…" Sniffling softly, she fell silent again.
So that's it, huh? I was beginning to suspect that maybe I had been overthinking the entire situation. I breathed a sigh of relief as I started to understand what Adachi was really asking for. While I would be lying if I said that I wasn't at least a little bit disappointed after having gotten myself so worked up, I knew it was probably for the best. In the end, neither of us were quite ready for that. Still, I should make sure, just in case.
"And you thought that sleeping together without our pajamas would make you closer to me than anyone else, right?"
Nod.
Technically she wasn't wrong. I definitely wasn't close enough to anyone else to even consider doing something like this. Not that I had really considered doing this with her either. I mean we were dating so I suppose there was a good chance that it, along with many other things, was going to happen eventually but I hadn't really given it much thought yet. Those were all things I had left for the future version of myself to deal with.
Adachi had taken me completely off-guard when she started undressing in front of me. Her face had looked so calm that it reminded me of how she had been when we first met on the second floor of the gym. Seeing her right now, though, made me think of a puppy whose ears were drooping low after being scolded by its owner. She is my girlfriend after all, maybe just this once I could throw her a bone.
I stood up and stretched. "Well, I'm glad we got that settled!" Returning to Adachi's bed I lifted the covers and slid underneath them. The soft sheets felt cool against my skin and the gentle weight of the blanket was very comforting. Even with my girlfriend still pouting on the floor I knew that if I closed my eyes for even a second I would immediately fall asleep. I probably shouldn't do that.
Laying on my side and facing Adachi I held the edge of the covers open as an invitation for her to join me.
Are you coming? My eyes asked.
You're sure it's okay? Hers responded.
Of course, I smiled.
With her tail still hanging between her legs she climbed into the bed with me. Alright, she didn't really have a tail but it was so adorable how much she resembled a sad little puppy dog right now. I just wanted to hold her and tell her I loved her and that everything was okay.
After all this, we were finally in her bed together just like she wanted. She always did things in the most roundabout ways and got flustered when her plans went wrong, but she kept moving forward anyway. I quite liked that about her. She always showed me exactly what she was feeling and being with her never felt awkward or boring.
A few minutes passed while we stared into each other's eyes.
Scooch, scooch. Nervously, Adachi began moving closer to me. I welcomed her with a warm smile.
Scooch, scooch. The bed was small, so there hadn't been much space between us in the first place. Soon she had closed it completely, her body pressed directly against mine.
Scooch, scooch. This time she slid down slightly, nestling her face against me so that my chin rested directly on top of her head. I remembered again that she was taller than me so I wondered if her feet were poking out of the covers. I hoped not, I didn't want her to catch a cold. Not that either of us were going to get cold like this.
We wrapped our arms around each other as our legs intertwined. The gentle warmth of her smooth skin pressed against mine contrasted with the soft fabric of the sheets to create a wonderfully relaxing sensation. I could get used to this.
Lightly stroking the back of her head, I could feel the tension leaving her body as my fingers moved through her hair. Her breath, which tickled my sternum slightly, gradually became slow and steady.
"Just to be clear, we can't do this at my house." As nice as it was, if we started doing this with other people around we ran the risk of being discovered. I wasn't quite ready to explain to my family that not only was I dating someone my own gender but that the "friend" who had been coming over to our house a lot recently was actually much more than that. I was going to tell them eventually but for now, that too was something future me could deal with.
"Don't worry," I added, still petting her head. "You're the only one who gets to be this close to me."
Her face still pressed against me, Adachi nodded that she understood.
Good girl. Her tail was probably wagging gently with contentment now.
Several minutes passed as we held each other in silence. Adachi was now completely relaxed and her breathing had been steady for a while. She was probably asleep.
"I'll do it."
Or maybe she wasn't.
"Hmmm?" I asked, but she gave no further answer. Still, I think I knew what she meant. It seemed that Adachi had made her choice. But Tarumi…
She had been crying when she left, I was sure of it. Even if Adachi was able to accept her, Tarumi's heart had almost certainly been broken and would need time to heal. I really did want the three of us to be friends, but at this point that wasn't my decision to make. The only thing I could do now was wait.
I lay awake for a while longer, just listening to the faint sound of Adachi's breath. It's not that I had trouble falling asleep, I couldn't remember ever having had that problem, but for once I didn't want to. As I held my girlfriend closer than I had ever held anyone before I felt so peaceful and happy that my only desire was to keep enjoying this moment.
Suddenly, long after I thought she had fallen asleep, she squeezed me as though she had wanted to tell me one more time how much she loved me. I returned her feelings with a squeeze of my own.
I loved Adachi, and I was certain that as long as she knew that then everything else would be fine.
I thought surely this must be another dream. But no, it was real.
Shimamura was in my bed, and I was in her arms. I knew it was impossible but I wished that I could stay this way for the rest of eternity. She was my sun, and every fiber of my being was filled with the warmth of her light. I didn't need anything or anyone else. Shimamura's light alone was more than enough for me.
However, Shimamura herself was different. She had others who gave her warmth. Family who loved her. Friends who cared for her. I didn't know what it was like to have any of those and I had no desire to know. Even so, despite how much I resented them for being close to Shimamura, I had never truly intended to steal her away. Robbing her of the warmth she had known would surely have changed her, turning her into someone else and dimming the radiance of her light.
My only wish was to be as special to her as she was to me. To know that the smile she showed me was different from the ones she gave to everyone else. I knew I was just being selfish. In no way did I deserve such distinction. There was nothing special at all about me.
And yet, she embraced me. In spite of my inadequacies she took me into her heart and made a special place in it just for me. I knew that for as long as I stayed with her she would never allow anyone to come between us.
The sight of her body, the scent of her hair, the warmth of her skin, and the beating of her heart; as I lay there drifting off to sleep her presence filled my senses.
I love you, Shimamura. I squeezed her tighter.
I love you too, Adachi. She squeezed me back.
Wherever she went.
Whoever she was with.
I was hers.
She was mine.
And nothing else mattered.