Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

TAVSPRITE: tINKERBULL, lOOK!
TINKERBULL: 1!!!!! !
TAVSPRITE: i CAN FLY!
TAVSPRITE: i CAN FLY!!!!! }:D
TINKERBULL: }8,D
TINKERBULL: 1!! !!! !!! !!!!!
TAVSPRITE: hAA HAA HAA!
TAVSPRITE: aLSO I AM MADE OF ECTOPLASM,
TAVSPRITE: aND, uM, STUFFING?
TAVSPRITE: tHAT’S, uHH,
TAVSPRITE: kIND OF WEIRD,
TINKERBULL: 1!! !!!! !! !!!!!!!! !
TAVSPRITE: uM, tHANKS, hEH,
TAVSPRITE: wOAH, uHH, i HOPE THIS GAPING HOLE, iN MY THORAX,
TAVSPRITE: iS NOT SOME SORT OF, mORBID ALLUSION,
TAVSPRITE: tO SOME ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE I’M WOUNDED, hORRIFICALLY,
TAVSPRITE: oR BARRING THAT, tO MY MANNER OF DEATH, iN THIS TIMELINE,
TAVSPRITE: sEEING AS I AM, a BIT HAZY ON THE DETAILS,
TAVSPRITE: oTHER THAN HOW IT HURT, qUITE A LOT,
TINKERBULL: }8C
TINKERBULL: 1!!!!! !! !!!!!!! !’! !! !!!!! ,
TINKERBULL: 1 !!!! !! !!!! !!! !!! —
TAVSPRITE: aW, tINK, dON’T BE SAD,
TAVSPRITE: dYING WASN’T, eNTIRELY TERRIBLE,
TAVSPRITE: iN SOME WAYS IT WAS ALMOST KIND OF FUN?
TAVSPRITE: oR EXCITING, aT LEAST, aLMOST LIKE AN ADVENTURE,
TAVSPRITE: oF THE SORT THAT ARE, aWFULLY BIG,
TAVSPRITE: tHERE WERE ALL THESE FUNNY PEOPLE EVERYWHERE,
TAVSPRITE: sOME OF THEM I KNEW, aND SOME OF THEM I THINK I’M GOING TO KNOW,
TAVSPRITE: oR HAVE KNOWN AND, uM, wILL HAVE KNOWN,
TINKERBULL: }8?
TAVSPRITE: yEAH IT WAS KIND OF, uHH, cONFUSING,
TAVSPRITE: bECAUSE SO MANY OF THEM WERE COPIES OF EACH OTHER,
TAVSPRITE: eXCEPT DIFFERENT, iF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE,
TAVSPRITE: tHERE WERE EVEN DIFFERENT COPIES OF ME,
TINKERBULL: }8O
TAVSPRITE: i KNOW! iT WAS A WEIRD THING, tO EXPERIENCE,
TAVSPRITE: tHIS ONE ME, oH WOW, hE HAD THE SICKEST OF FIRES,
TAVSPRITE: aND, uHH, tHE STRANGEST, oF ROOMATES,
TAVSPRITE: aND I THINK THIS OTHER ME WAS ACTUALLY RUFIO!
TAVSPRITE: aND SOME OF THEM WERE EVEN MY FRIENDS,
TAVSPRITE: tHE OTHER NOT-ME’S, i MEAN,
TAVSPRITE: aND MAYBE I’LL GET TO SEE THEM ALL AGAIN, wHEN MY TIME WITH YOU IS OVER, }:)
TINKERBULL: 1!! !!!!!! ! !!!’! !!!! !!! !! !! ,
TINKERBULL: }8,C
TAVSPRITE: oH NO, i DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE YOU, eVEN SADDER,
TAVSPRITE: i DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO GO, eITHER,
TAVSPRITE: bUT THAT’S NOT HOW THIS GAME PLAYS OUT,
TAVSPRITE: nOT HERE, aT LEAST,
TAVSPRITE: sTILL, i PROMISE THAT I’LL STAY WITH YOU, aS LONG AS I CAN,
TINKERBULL: 1!! !!!! !! !!!! !!! ?
TINKERBULL: 1!!! !!!!, 1 !!!! ,
TAVSPRITE: i'M NOT SURE, bUT I THINK YOU WILL DO WELL, tINKERBULL,
TAVSPRITE: yOU MIGHT BE SMALL, bUT YOU ARE VERY BRAVE AND VERY SMART,
TAVSPRITE: aND YOU ARE MY LUSUS, wHICH MEANS YOU ARE, tHE BEST, }:D
TINKERBULL: }8)
TAVSPRITE: aWWW SEE, tHAT’S BETTER, }:)
TAVSPRITE: aLSO, uH, yOUR TEETH ARE, pROPORTIONATELY, qUITE LARGE,
TAVSPRITE: aND SHARP,
TAVSPRITE: aND FEROCIOUS,
TAVSPRITE: sO THERE’S THAT IN YOUR FAVOR,
TINKERBULL: 1!!!! !!! !!!! !! !! !!!!! !!! , 1!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?
TAVSPRITE: oH MAN THAT SOUNDS, rEALLY DELICIOUS, tINKERBULL,
TAVSPRITE: yOU KNOW FRESH HORRORBEAST IS, mY FAVORITE,
TAVSPRITE: bUT, i DON’T THINK I HAVE TO EAT, aNYMORE,
TAVSPRITE: bEING SORT OF DEAD AND SORT OF, pART HOST PLUSH,
TAVSPRITE: sTILL I WILL SAY, tHANK YOU,
TINKERBULL: 1!’! !!!! ! !!!!!!!! !!!!!! !!!! !! !!!!! ,
TAVSPRITE: i'LL ADMIT THAT THIS ISN’T, eXACTLY HOW I PICTURED THINGS HAPPENING,
TAVSPRITE: oUR ADVENTURE TOGETHER, i MEAN,
TAVSPRITE: bUT I THINK THAT IF IT HAD GONE ANOTHER WAY,
TAVSPRITE: sOMETHING HORRIBLE MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU, iNSTEAD, }:(
TAVSPRITE: aND PROBABLY ALSO TO ME, aT SOME POINT,
TAVSPRITE: eXCEPT I WOULDN’T, uH, gET TO COME BACK,
TAVSPRITE: oR FLY,
TAVSPRITE: oR SPEW FIDUSPAWN FROM MY CHEST,
TAVSPRITE: wHICH IS REALLY PRETTY AWESOME, fOR A SPRITE POWER,
TAVSPRITE: tHOUGH I GUESS I’D STILL HAVE LEGS,
TAVSPRITE: nOT THAT THEY’D DO ME, uH, mUCH GOOD,
TINKERBULL: 1!!!!! ,
TINKERBULL: 1! !!!!!! ,
TINKERBULL: 1! !!!!!,
TINKERBULL: 1 !!!! !!! !!, 1! !!!!,
TAVSPRITE: i LOVE YOU TOO, tINK,
TAVSPRITE: yOU WERE THE BEST LUSUS I COULD HAVE EVER ASKED FOR,
TAVSPRITE: yOU’VE HELPED ME SO MUCH, aND NOW I GET A CHANCE, tO HELP YOU,
TAVSPRITE: wHICH MAKES ME REALLY, rEALLY HAPPY,
TAVSPRITE: aND EVEN THOUGH SOME OF THE THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN, aRE GOING TO BE, uH, sORTA SCARY,
TAVSPRITE: aND TRAUMATIZING, wHEN VIEWED OBJECTIVELY,
TAVSPRITE: i'M GLAD I’LL BE THERE WITH YOU, tO GUIDE YOU WHEN YOU’RE LOST,
TINKERBULL: 1!!’!! !!!! !!!! !!! !!! , 1!!! ,
TAVSPRITE: hAA HAA, wELL, iF YOU SAY SO, tHEN I GUESS I AM A BIT LIKE HIM, }:)
TAVSPRITE: tHOUGH I THINK HE’D BE MORE GREEN, aND LESS CARAMEL,
TAVSPRITE: nOW,
TAVSPRITE: yOU REMEMBER WHERE TO GO FROM HERE, dON’T YOU?
TAVSPRITE: sECOND STAR TO THE RIGHT,
TAVSPRITE: aND STRAIGHT ON ‘TIL MORNING, }:)

Chapter Text

SOLSPRITE: oh what fre2h fuckery i2 thi2?
LUXSPRITE: ii know riight we look riidiiculous.
SOLSPRITE: 2peak for your2elf 2oper2hute i think i look pretty 2well.
LUXSPRITE: were the same fuckiing person shiitwiit ii am speakiing for myself.
LUXSPRITE: and we look liike a floatiing cliiche iin hiidiious striiped sleepiing atiire.
LUXSPRITE: ii mean two heads one spriite body how oriigiinal iis that.
BICYCLOPSDAD: -O)
BICYCLOPSDAD: -O)
SOLSPRITE: 2top 2miling you big goober thi2 i2 2erious.
LUXSPRITE: yeah ii dont know iif you notiiced or anythiing what wiith all the frolliicking you diid wiith my bees but iits the end of the goddamn world.
SOLSPRITE: rock2 fall everybody die2.
LUXSPRITE: weve got no tiime to waste on thiis hoofbeastshiit.
LUXSPRITE: good job destroyiing half of downtown whiile mourniing our untiimely demise though.
SOLSPRITE: i agree it wa2 a very touching 2cene.
SOLSPRITE: 2liced clean in two by 2tray bit2 of 2erver 2hrapnel what a way two go.
LUXSPRITE: two bad you diidnt thiink two stiick us back together before prototypiing us.
SOLSPRITE: ye2 then i wouldnt have to deal with thi2 a22hole.
LUXPSRITE: oh shut up!
SOLSPRITE: no you 2hut up!
BICYCLOPSDAD: -OD
BICYCLOPSDAD: -OD
LUXSPRITE: ow ow ow put us down we cant breathe!
SOLSPRITE: but were a 2prite now remember do we even need to breathe?
LUXSPRITE: fuck you iits the priinciiple of the thing.
SOLSPRITE: but look at him he2 ju2t 2o happy.
BICYCLOPSDAD: -C’D
BICYCLOPSDAD: -C,D
LUXSPRITE: siigh.
LUXSPRITE: fiine ii guess we have tiime for one measly liittle hug.
SOLSPRITE: or two.
SOLSPRITE: two i2 fine al2o.

Chapter Text

TEREZSPRITE: >:O
TEREZSPRITE: RUUUUUUUD3!!!!! >>:\
TEREZSPRITE: 4S YOU C4N S33 1 4M G3TT1NG 4LONG P3RF3CTLY F1N3 W1THOUT TH3M
TEREZSPRITE: WH4T W1TH MY T41L MOST D3XT3ROUS 4ND TONGU3 MOST FORK3D
TEREZSPRITE: BOTH OF TH3M 4S LONG AND D34DLY 4S TH3 R3ACH OF TH3 L4W!
TEREZSPRITE: YOU M34N1NG OBV1OUSLY MY LUSUS
TEREZSPRITE: WHOM 1 H4V3 N3V3R M3T 4ND WHO 1 4M NOW LOOM1NG OV3R W1TH 4LL TH3 STO1C F1RE OF 4 S34SON3D INT3RROG4T10N3R
TEREZSPRITE: NOBODY C4N W1THST4ND SUCH H4RD BO1L3D T4CT1CTS FOR3V3R
TEREZSPRITE: OH Y3S, YOULL CR4CK 4LL R1GHT
TEREZSPRITE: SOON3R OR L4T3R, TH3Y 4LW4YS CR4CK
TEREZSPRITE: !!!
TEREZSPRITE: YOU CR4CK3D! >:O
TEREZSPRITE: YOU CR4CK3D YOU CR4CK3D!!!
TEREZSPRITE: TH1S M34NS YOULL H4TCH SOON, R1GHT?
TEREZSPRITE: 1 HOP3 ITS SOON
TEREZSPRITE: THOS3 M3T3ORS 4R3 LOOM1NG R4TH3R OM1NOUS 4ND P4PR1K4!
TEREZSPRITE: 4ND 1 H4V3 B33N DR34M1NG OF H4V1NG 4 CH4NC3 TO M33T YOU
TEREZSPRITE: FOR 4 V3RY LONG T1M3, 1ND33D!
TEREZSPRITE: THOUGH OBV1OUSLY TH3SE P4RT1CUL4R P4R4M3T3RS W3R3
TEREZSPRITE: UN4NT1C1P4T3D >:\
TEREZSPRITE: DONT WORRY THOUGH, W3V3 GOT 3V3RYTH1NG S3T UP FOR YOU
TEREZSPRITE: MY FR13NDS 4ND 1
TEREZSPRITE: W3V3 GOT 4 PL4N! >:D
TEREZSPRITE: 4 PL4N TO H3LP W1N TH1S G4M3 D3SP1T3 US 4LL H4V1NG D13D ON TH3 F1RST L3V3L L1K3 TOT4L N00BS
TEREZSPRITE: BUT YOU W1LL H4V3 TO MOV3 QU1CKLY!
TEREZSPRITE: W1THOUT YOUR COUNT3RW31GHT TH3 DOOMSD4Y M4CH1NE W1LL B3 TR1PPED
TEREZSPRITE: 4ND W3V3 GOT 3NOUGH DOOMSD4Y ON OUR H4NDS 4LR34DY
TEREZSPRITE: SO TO SP34K
TEREZSPRITE: H3H3H3H3H3!
TEREZSPRITE: SP34K1NG OF COUNT3RW31GHTS
TEREZSPRITE: W4TCH OUT FOR TH4T T4NGL3 OF ROP3 TH4T US3D TO B3 P4RT OF MY 3L3V4TOR
TEREZSPRITE: 1T M4K3S QU1T3 4N 3FF3CT1V3 NOOS3
TEREZSPRITE: 4S 1 D1SCOV3R3D 1N TH3 COURS3 OF MY 1NV3ST1G4T1ON
TEREZSPRITE: …
TEREZSPRITE: 1 W1SH 1 COULD H4V3 B33N 4 DR4GON L1K3 YOU
TEREZSPRITE: 1 H4D 4 B34UT1FUL SC4L3 4LL P1CK3D OUT TO PROTOTYP3 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG
TEREZSPRITE: SH1N1NG ROCK C4NDY T34L SW1RL3D W1TH CH3RRY SLUSHY 4ND SPOTS OF L3MON M3R1NGU3
TEREZSPRITE: BUT TH4T WOULD M33N YOUR K1NG WOULD PROB4BLY SP1T F1R3
TEREZSPRITE: 4ND TH4T WOULD SUCK
TEREZSPRITE: 4 WHOL3 H3LL OF 4 LOT!
TEREZSPRITE: SO 1 H4D TO B3 P4RT SC4L3M4T3 1NST34D
TEREZSPRITE: WH1CH 1S K1ND OF L1K3 4 DR4GON BUT W1TH F3W3R L1MBS
TEREZSPRITE: 4ND 4 LOT L3SS N3CK
TEREZSPRITE: THOUGH ST1LL PL3NTY 3NOUGH FOR H4NG1NG PURPOS3S!
TEREZSPRITE: WH1CH 1S GOOD B3C4US3 CR1M3 1S R4MP4NT 4MONG TH31R SP3C1ES >:]
TEREZSPRITE: 4NYW4YS
TEREZSPRITE: W1TH 4NY LUCK YOUR K1NG SHOULD F1ND H1MS3LF THOROUGHLY…
TEREZSPRITE: *GC DONS H3R SUMPTUOUS ST4WB3RRY GL4Z3D SH4D3S W1TH ON3 D3C3PT1V3LY C4SU4L FL1CK OF H3R M1GHTY 4ND S1NUOUS T41L*
TEREZSPRITE: D1S4RMED
TEREZSPRITE: >8D
TEREZSPRITE: > 8D
TEREZSPRITE: >8D
TEREZSPRITE: > 8D
TEREZSPRITE: >8D
TEREZSPRITE: >80
TEREZSPRITE: >8|
TEREZSPRITE: >:[
TEREZSPRITE: UUUUUUUUUUUUGH!
TEREZSPRITE: 1 W1SH YOU WOULD HURRY UP 4ND F1N1SH H4TCH1NG 4LR34DY
TEREZSPRITE: NORM4LLY 1 4M NOT ON3 FOR SUCH S4CCH4R1N3 G3STUR3S
TEREZSPRITE: 4S G3N3R4LLY TH3Y 4R3 NOT 3NT1R3LY S1NC3R3
TEREZSPRITE: 4ND SO ST1NK OF R4NC1D M4PL3 SYRUP
TEREZSPRITE: BUT
TEREZSPRITE: 1 COULD R34LLY GO FOR SOM3 F4M1L14L SNOUT TO SNOUT NUZZL1NG R1GHT 4BOUT NOW
TEREZSPRITE: 4S TH1S FORM 4ND TH3 C1RCUMST4NC3S OF YOUR H4TCH1NG 4R3 C4US1NG M3 SOM3 CONFUS1ON
TEREZPSRITE: 4S TO WHO 1S TH3 CUSTOD14N 4ND WHO 1S TH3 CH4RG3
TEREZSPRITE: 1T 1S 4 F33L1NG 1 4M NOT OV3RLY FOND OF
TEREZSPRITE: 1T SQU1RMS 1NS1D3 M3 4LL ST1CKY 4ND SOUR
TEREZSPRITE: 1V3 GOT QU1T3 TH3 URG3 TO S3ND YOU TO YOUR R3SP1T3BLOCK YOUNG L4DY!
TEREZSPRITE: H3H3H3H3!
TEREZSPRITE: L1ST3N TO M3 T4LK1NG 4LL TH1S S4SS
TEREZSPRITE: TH3 3ST33M3D COURT OF TROLL JUDG3 JUDY WOULD H4V3 M3 CULL3D FOR SUCH 1NSUBORD1NAT1ON!
TEREZSPRITE: YOU B3TT3R COM3 OUT 4ND PUT M3 1N MY PL4C3 B3FOR3 TH3 B41L1FF C4RR13S OUT H3R C1V1C DUTY
TEREZSPRITE: …
TEREZSPRITE: PL34S3
TEREZSPRITE: PL34S3 COM3 OUT
TEREZSPRITE: 1 JUST W4NT TO KNOW WH4T YOU T4ST3 L1K3

Chapter Text

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] -

CG: WHERE IN THE FOUL UNLOOFAHED DEPTHS OF YOUR ANCESTOR’S BULGE SHEATH ARE YOU?
CG: I ASKED Y9UR SERVER PLAYER TO CHECK IN ON YOU A WHILE AGO BUT IT SEEMS YOUR LUSUS’S STUPID VOID POWERS HAVE RENDERED THAT POINT FUCKING MOOT FOR THE TIME BEONG.
CG: YOU DID MAKE IT INTO THE MEDIUM, RIGHT?
CG: THAT WASN’T A THING I HALLUCINATED OR ANYTJING.
CG: THAT ABSOLUTE FUCKNUGGET KNOWN AS MY FUTURE SELF FORWARDED ALONG SOME MYSTERIOUSLY ACQUIRED SCREENCAPS OF LORAV THAT HE GOT FROM WHO FUCKING KNOWS WHERE OR WHEN SO I’M PRESSUMING YOU EVENTUALLY DID.
CG: ARE ALL OF US SPRITES AS CAGEY AS THAT SPECK OF BUCKET RUST BECAUSE IT’S ANNOYING AS FUCK.
CG: NICE PLANET, BY THE WAY. IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY PULLED THE PLUG ON THE BOTTOM OF DAYMARE OCEAN. ABSOLUTELY LOVBELY.
CG: OH GOC PLEASE TELL ME YOU MADE IT INTO THE MEDIUM.
TC: hOnK hOnK!
CG: OH THANK FUCK.
TC: HeY tHeRe BeSt FrIeNd :o)
TC: wOaH, tHaT’s SoMe WiCkEd TiTs PiNk YoU’rE rOcKiNg, ThErE.
TC: MaKeS yOu LoOk AlL lIke SoMe SoRt Of MiRaCuLoUs FlAvOr Of SoRbEt.
CG: SHUT UP. I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT I5.
TC: :o?
CG: FUCK ME FUCK THESE FUCKIMG STUPID FUCCKING AGKNAD;QFW;EIANFA!
CG: *IT
CG: I DON’T WANT TO TALK THAT, EITHER.
CG: SPREAD THE WORD: FROM THIS POINT FORWARD YOUAND EVERYONE ELSE ARE TO POINTEDLY IGNORE ANY AND ALL TYPOS ON MY PART.
CG: YOU ARE ALSO TO ATTRIBUTE MY SLOWER THAN AVERAGE RESPONSE TIME TO THE GREAT CARE I AM TAKING TO TRANSCRIBE MY SHEER TACTICAL BRILLIANCE INTO SOMETHING THE REST OF YOU CHUMPS CAN UNDERSTAND.
CG: HA, CHECK OUT THAT SHIT! FUCKING PERVECTION.
CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
CG: NEW ORDER: IF YOU EVER RUN ACROSS PAST ME, FEEL FREE TO GIVE HIM A GOOD PUNT TO THE REPRODUCTIVE ZONE.
CG: FOR BEING SUCH A BULGEFISTED IDIOT AS TO LEAVE FINE PIECES OF ART OUT ON A THERMAL HULL WHERE ANY OLD UNPROTOTYPED KERNELSPRITE CAN NAB THEM.
CG: NOW A PRICELESS MASTERPIECE IS LOST TO THR AGES AND I’M STUCK STABBING AST THE KEYBOARD LIKE A TOOL WHO COULDN’T HUNT AND PECK HIS WAY OUT OF HIS OWN NOOK.
TC: HaHaHaHaHaHa!
TC: i MoThErFuCkInG mIsSeD yOu, BrO. :o)
CG: YEAH.
CG: ME TOO.
CG: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?
CG: YOUR PLAYER SHOULD BE AT LEAST HALFWAY TO THE LAND OF HOOVES AND MAJESTY BY NOW, BUT NOBODY’S SEEN HIM AT ANY OF THE GATES.
CG: NOT LIKE THERE’S A BIG RUSH OR ANYTHING OH WAIT.
CG: THERE KINDA FUCKING IS.
CG: IT’S KINDA THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF THIS SHITSTORM OF SPRITE SHENNANIGANS.
TC: YoU kNoW tHaT’s ThE fUnNy ThInG aBoUt ThE oLd GoAt,
TC: sOmEtHiNg I’vE oNlY jUsT nOw Up AnD wRaPpEd My SkUlL aRoUnD.
TC: He’S aLl BeInG lIkE tHe SeA.
TC: aIn’T rEaLlY gOt No SaY iN wHeN hIs OwN sElF cOmEs AnD GoEs Or WhErE.
TC: MoThErFuCkEr JuSt AlL fOlLoWs WhAt He Be FeElLiNg InSiDe,
TC: tHe PuSh AnD PuLl Of HiS oWn PuMpFleSh, YoU dIg?
TC: AnD nO mAtTeR hOw MuCh YoU’d WaNt It OtHeRwIsE,
TC: no matter how hard you get
TC: YOUR MOTHERFUCKING WISH ON,
TC: aIn’T nOtHiNg YoU cAn Do To ChAnGe ThAt.
TC: HoNk HoNk :o(
CG: GAMZEE WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?
TC: i GuEsS yOu CoUlD sAy ThAt SoMe ShIt WeNt DoWn In ThE LaNd Of RiFtS aNd VeNtS.
TC: you could say some shit
TC: WAS MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENING.
CG: WHAT, YOU MEAN IT’S NOT ALL HAPPY FUN TIMES WIGGLING DAY CELEBRATIONS AND GRUBCAKE ON THE PLANET OF FLYING FUCKING MURDERCLOWNFISH AND SHOOTING JETS OF LAVA AND SULPHURIC STEAM?
CG: COLOR MY PONK ASS FUCKING SHOCKED.
CG: PINK GODDAMMIT PIIIIIIIIIIINK.
CG: I FUCKING SWEAR IF I MAKE IT THROUGH THIS GQME WITHOUT RIPPING OFF EVEN ONE OF THESE FUCKIING THINGS IN A QWERTY FUELED RAGE IT WILL BE A MINOR FUCKING MIRACLE.
CG: SO SPILL. I WANT A FULL REPORT.
CG: AND NOT TO UNDERMINE THE BEAUTIFUL DISASTER OF OUR FRIENDSHIP OR UNDERCUT THE ASSURD IMPORTANCE OF YOUR NO DOUBT SERIOUS SITUATION BUT CAN YOU BE KIND OF QUICK ABOUT IT?
CG: I’VE GOT ERIDSN IN ANOTHER WINDOW FLIPPING HIS GODDAMN SHIT OVER HOW TO GET FEFERI INTO THE MEDIUM SINCE HER EMPERIAL HORRORTERROR OF A LUSUS IS STUCK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CONTINENTAL SHELF.
CG: SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY THAT POMPOUS SHITBEETLE GOT THE BRIGHT IDEA TO PROTOTYPE OUR HEIRESS APPARENT WITH A FODDAMN CUTTLEFISH.
CG: A CUTTLEFISH, GAMZEE.
CG: FUCK ME UP THE SNIFFTUBES WITH THE WRONG END OF A PRICKLEBEAST. CG: WHAT.S THE POINT OF GOING THROUGH ALL THIS WORK TO MAKE SURE THE BLAXK KING IS EFFECTIVELY LIMBLESS IF SOME DOUCHEBAG IS JUST GOING TO HAND HIM A FISTFUL OF FUCKING TENTACLES ALL WRAPPED UP IN SHINING SILVER TINSEL?
TC: kArKaT yOu KnOw YoU aRe My MoSt MiRaCuLoUs, BeSt BiTcHtItS fRiEnD,
TC: but sometimes you talk
TC: TOO GODDAMN FUCKING MUCH.
CG: FIBE.
CG: *FINE.
CG: I’M METAPHORICALLY SHOVING ALL TTEN FUCKING USELESS CLAW DIGIT HYBRIDS INTO MY MAW AND CHEWING ON THEM UNTIL TOLD OTH3RWISE, OKAY?
TC: yeah, that shit’s all right.
TC: THAT’S MORE THAN MOTHER FUCKIN FINE BY ME.
TC: OkAy, sO wHaT hApPeNeD wAs…
TC: fUcK.
TC: BrO i KnOw YoU aIn’T gOt ReLiGiOn, So I DoN’t KnOw ThAt YoU’d UnDeRsTaNd.
TC: wHeN i WoKe Up, AlL fLoAtInG aNd ShIt, AnD sAw ThE oLd GoAt ThErE aLl AcCoUnTeD fOr AnD nOt BlEeDiNg HiS pReCiOuS fLuIdS oUt On A hArPoOn LiKe I’d AlL tHoUgHt He WaS wHeN i WaS mOtHeRfUcKiN dEaD…
TC: I tElL yOu, I wAs So MoThErFuCkIn HaPpY. :oD
TC: iT wAs LiKe ThE MeSsIaHs DoNe HeArD mY PrAyErS,
TC: ThE oNeS i'D bEeN tHiNkInG aLl FrAnTiC tO mYsElF wHeN i WaS fIlLeD tO tHe BrIm AnD bUrNiNg WiTh SaLt WaTeR aNd FeArFuLnEsS.
TC: aNd HeRe We WeRe ToGeThEr WiTh AlL tHeSe SiLlY aSs SwImBeAsTs DoNe Up In HoLy FaCePaInT aNd Me WiTh ThIS bItChIn NeW bOdY tHaT wAsN’t DrOwNeD nO mOrE jUsT aLl DrIpPy AnD sHiNiNg LiKe A fReSh BaTcH oF sOpEr.
TC: BrOtHeR, iT wAs A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE.
TC: sO tHeRe I wAs, AlL uP aNd GeTtInG mY gAmE oRdAiNeD wIcKeD eXpLaIn On
TC: LiKe ThE wIsE-aSs SlImE sPiRiT gUiDe ThAt I mOtHeRfUcKiNg Am,
TC: bUt ThAt FuCkEr He DiDn’T wAnT tO LiStEn To NoThInG i HaD tO mOtHeRfUcKiN sAy.
TC: didn’t want to heed
TC: ONE GODDAMN WORD OF ADVICE.
TC: just kept pushing on past me like i didn’t even so much as register in his periphery.
TC: LIKE I WAS JUST A MOTE IN HIS SLICK HOT GAZEORB.
TC: and then.
TC: AND MOTHERFUCKING THEN.
TC: i
TC: I jUsT…
TC: tHiS fEeLiNg WeLlEd Up AlL hOt InSiDe Me.
TC: JuMpEd Up AnD sHoUtEd ‘SuRpRiSe!’ AnD sHiT.
TC: mAdE mY nErVeS sTaNd Up On EnD aNd My SlImE sLiP iNtO nEw MiRaCuLoUs ShApEs.
TC: LiKe In KnOwInG tRuTh I cOuLd GiVe It FoRm To WrAp My RiGhTeOuS fInGeRs ArOuNd.
TC: aNd AlL i WaNtEd To Do WaS mAkE hIm StOp.
TC: just make everything motherfucking stop.
TC: MAKE THE WORLD GO STILL AND CALM AND SENSIBLE.
TC: and i told him all this and you know what happened?
TC: YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKING TRANSPIRED YOU HERETIC PIECE OF SHIT?
TC: right then…
TC: IN THAT PRECIOUS CRYSTALINE MOMENT.
TC: that motherfucker looked at me.
TC: HE FINALLY MOTHERFUCKING LOOKED.
TC: aNd ThAt’S wHaT hApPeNeD.
TC: HoNk. :o(
CG: FUCK.
CG: JUST… FUCK, GAMZEE.
CG: I’D GO AGAINST EVERY SCREAMING MOLECULE OF MY BRAND NEW ECTOBEING AND TELL YOU TO GO SWALLOW A FISTFUL OF SLIME AND TRY AND PUT IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD FOR NOW WHIOLE WE CONCENTRATE ON NOT SCREWING OUR SPECIES AND THE COLLECTIBE UNIVERSE OVER WITH ROYAL APLOMB...
CG: BUT FOR ONCE I DON’T THINK THAT’D ACTUALLY WORK.
CG: SINCE YOU’RE LITERALLY COMPLETELY SATURATED WITH THE STUFF AND IT’S NOT DOING MUCH TO REIGN IN YOUR AMAZINGLY CREEPY NEW TYPING QUIRK.
CG: LET ALONE THIS RUSH OF PLATONIC AND VAGUELY INCESTUOUS BLACK FEELINGS.
TC: yeah, bro, you about got the flavor of things.
TC: YOU UTTER THE RIGHT FUCKING TRUTH.
CG: I’LL TELL YOU QWHAT’S THE RIGHT FUCVING TRUTH.
CG: THE RIGHT FUCKING TRUGGH OF THE MSTTER IS THAT YOU’VE GOT ENOGH UNRESOLVED CHARGHE/CUSTODIAN ISSUES TO POWER HALF OF THE ROYAL FUCKING FLEET FOR A HALF DOZEN SWEEPS.
CG: AND THE DOUBLE RIGHT FUCKING TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT NONE OF THAT MATTERS RIGHT NOW.
CG: YOU’RE GOING TO HAVRE TO PUT THAT SHIT ON PAUSE UNTIL WE’VE REACHED A POINT IN OUR TIMELINE WHERE THINGS ARE LESS ABSOLUTELY GRUBFUCKED.
CG: SO AS MUCH AS IT FUCKING HURTS…
CG: FORGET, FOR THE PRESENT FUCKING MOMENT, HOW HE TREATED YOU GROWING UP.
CG: FORGET THAT HE’S YOUR LUSUS, FORRGET THAT Y9U’VE GOT CULLING RIGHTS.
CG: FORGET YOUR HERETOFORE UNTAPPED TERRIFYING INDIGO INCLINATIONS.
CG: FOR GOD’S SAKE, YOU’RE A SPRITE NOW, REMEMBER?
CG: I MEAN, IT’S NOT LIKE YOU CAN JUST FUCKING KILL YOUR PLAYER.
TC: well shit, bro.
TC: GUESS IT’S TOO FUCKING LATE FOR THAT.

Chapter Text

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