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Poe Dameron sets the bottle down on the grass with a clunk.
“You and I. We’re getting drunk tonight.”
“Let me guess. I don’t get a choice in the matter? Like I didn’t get a choice to stay on my ship or get on a trip with you and your merry men?”
Armitage Hux glares at Poe from narrowed eyes. Poe takes that as an invitation to sit down on the bench next to Hux. It is well hidden behind their base, just inside the perimeter before Hux’s ankle monitor would give him a nasty shock. Poe wonders if he tested that out, before deciding, yes, Hux is the type to test his limits even if it means personal discomfort. Or maybe he’s just a masochist, who knows?
“Yes, that’s right. I’m hiding a funnel in my pants, and any moment now I’ll take it out and force it into your mouth.”
“I’m not interested in what’s in your pants,” Hux sniffs. Interesting that he would concentrate on that.
“No? And here I’m volunteering to show you.” That earns him another nasty look. Hux’s face looks a little red – he’s still not used to being outdoors.
Hux grabs the bottle from the ground.
“What even is this? Jedi Mind Drink?”
“I don't know, I borrowed it from the storeroom where they keep the good stuff,” Poe shrugs. “It’s just some fancy made-up name, like Nectar of the Gods or Sonic Screwdriver.”
“Borrowed. Right.”
“Come on, it’ll give both you and me a break. I know you’re bored out of your mind, and I could do with a drink as well.”
“Will you stop harassing me if I have one?”
“Sure. Look, I got something else in my pants!” Poe pulls two tumblers out of his pockets and passes one to Hux. When he opens the bottle, a little cloud of blue mist puffs out.
“Oh! See, I told you, it’s just a posh drink.”
He pours each of them a generous helping. Hux eyes the glass with a frown.
“Shouldn’t this be served cold?” He eyes Poe up and done. “You don’t happen to have some ice cubes on your person?”
“Was that a joke Hugs?” Poe is delighted. “And we haven’t even started yet!”
“Just let’s get this over with Dameron.”
Hux lifts his glass and empties it in one go. He must be in a real hurry to get rid of Poe, who doesn't miss a beat and follows suit.
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Meanwhile in the Resistance base:
“Two bottles of Rancor Brew,” Clessas Zawesse tells her trusty droid CP-7B, who makes a note on the inventory list. “And that’s all but the bottle of Jedi Mind Drink. Which we really should find and lock away, it’s bad enough it was put in here in the first place.”
“Drruur RRP tana NDuh.”
“Are you sure?”
“Bee yoop.”
“Well, guess we should go find him. I hope Dameron is prepared to make a fool out of himself.”
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Hux feels the alcohol slip down his throat, and it takes effect almost immediately. Sweet stars. The world around him looks a lot fuzzier than it did seconds ago. High tree. Another one. Grass. So much grass. And it’s all very green. Only Dameron isn’t green. He’s white and khaki and black. The black part is his hair. It’s so curly.
“Your hair is so pretty. Danerom. Dameron.”
One of Dameron’s hands goes to his head, and he pushes a hand through his hair. Hux is envious. He wants to do that, too!
Dameron points a finger at Hux.
“Your hair is red. I like that! It’s pretty, too.”
Nah, it’s not. Hux hates his hair.
“I hate my hair.”
“Don’t say that! Here, let me help.”
Dameron slides closer to Hux and ruffles his hair with both of his big hands. Hux can feel it being freed of its gely prison.
“There.” Dameron scoots away from him and looks at him with a wonky smile. “You look like a porg.”
Hux isn’t sure if that’s good or an insult.
“Is that an insult?”
“Nooo, porgs are awesome!”
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Meanwhile in the Resistance base:
General Finn strokes his chin.
"And this-"
“Jedi Mind Trick!” Clessas answers. Behind her, CP-7B drives around in circles, beeping anxiously.
“Yes, that. It’s an alcoholic drink but also a – truth serum?”
“A very mild one, yes. It matures in barrels made out of wood that has a connection to the Force. It makes the drinker speak the truth, but only good ones. Please don’t ask me how that works, I’m no Jedi.”
“Okay.”
Finn paces. Where might Poe be? And how bad could it be, a happy drunken Poe, giving out compliments? That doesn’t sound so different from everyday-Poe if he’s honest.
Only, Poe’s been a bit down, lately. Finn would like to pretend he doesn’t know why, but he couldn’t help but pick up some clues about Poe having an unrequited crush on – oh no.
“Does anybody know where Hux is?”
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“I lied.” Hux is ashamed of himself. He just has to tell Dameron the truth. Dameron is always so nice to him even though Hux doesn’t deserve it.
“You’re a liar. I knew it.”
Dameron takes another small sip. He has refilled both glasses, but, drunken as they are, they both learned their lesson and don’t chuck it down this round.
“Yes, I’m a liar. A dirty liar.”
“Yeah Hugs you’re a bad boy.”
Hux shudders at those words. He’s heard similar ones before, but never in the tone Dameron uses – like it’s something good. Something he likes.
“You like it. You like that I’m a bad boy.” He pokes Dameron’s arm.
“I’ll tell you that when you tell me why you’re a liar. Deal?”
“Deal. I lied about your pants.”
Dameron wrinkles his nose.
“What about my pants?”
“I am interested in what’s in it.”
“But Hugs, I don’t really have a funnel in them. Or ice.”
“You said butt,” Hux snorts.
“I did. Butt.”
“Butt. In your pants.”
Dameron tries to look behind him and almost falls off the bench. Hux saves him by grabbing him by the waistband.
“Yes, my butt is in my pants. Hugs!” Now it’s Dameron’s turn to poke him in the arm, before leaning over. He whispers (only, it’s not really a whisper cause it’s really loud), “That’s what you like. It’s my butt.”
“Who told you that?” Hux is angry for a moment. He wanted to tell Dameron that!
Dameron shrugs, making himself almost fall off again.
“Didn’t you?”
“No Dameron, I did not.”
“But Hugs. It is only me and you here.” He leans over and sing-songs into Hux’s ear. “And you like my bu-hutt! You want to touch it!”
___________________________________
Meanwhile in the Resistance base:
Finn tries to concentrate on the life forces around him. His training hasn’t commenced far, but Rey and he have practiced this. His mind picks up some signatures he’s familiar with – Rose, working in the hangar. Chewbacca, sitting outside, surrounded by smaller lifeforms. Probably the porg colony now native to the Falcon – the wookie likes to take them on walks. And there is Poe. Brighter in the force than usual, very close to someone else. Hux.
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Hux is in awe. His hands are groping and fondling Dameron’s butt, and it’s as bouncy and firm as he imagined. There’s only one thing that would make this better. He looks up at Dameron, who is sitting astride his lap and moaning softly.
“Dameron.”
“Poe.”
“Poe?”
“You’re touching my butt. You have to call me Poe.”
“Poe.”
Hux likes how Dameron’s, no, Poe’s face lights up when he calls him by his name. So he does it again.
“Poe. Poe. Poe?”
With each “Poe”, he gives Dameron’s luscious butt another squeeze.
“Yes?”
“Do you know what would make this even better?”
“Yes!”
Dameron is the best.
“Okay, then, take off – oomph!”
Poe’s mouth is on his, and Hux forgets all about taking off any pants. Poe tastes like the Jedi Mind Trick, and that is a taste that Hux really, really likes, so he tries to get as much of it as he can.
This is how Finn finds them – drunk, making out, but still mostly dressed.
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The next day, inside the Resistance base:
Poe’s head hurts when he wakes up. He’s had worse, and from what he remembers of yesterday, it has been worth it.
Unfortunately, he’s in his own bed. Alone.
A shower later, he steps back into his room and checks his pad for messages. His heart beats a tiny bit faster when he sees he’s got one from Hux, and he hastens to open it:
Saved the rest of that drink. Will wait for you in my room tonight, 9 pm. Don’t dawdle.
Poe lets the pad sink, grinning.