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Chapter Text

"Some men […] choose to seek greatness, while others are forced to it. It is always better to choose than to be forced.

A man who is forced is never completely his own master. He must dance on the strings of those who forced him." 

― Robert Jordan, The Great Hunt

Siaun Sanche has no one else to call. 

The fact isn't strictly true as the dean of one of the top law schools in The Westlands; her contacts list is full, few that she would close. Nevertheless, at 40 years old, she can boast a legal career, fighting for equal and human rights for decades. She could wake up several politicians and judges and see their council if she wanted to; a whole team would pick up the phone, introspective of timezones. As one of the most prominent former students of the school and graduate programme, her roots run deep. 

However, that was part of the problem, somehow the roots that hold her so securely rotted away when she was too blind even to notice the murmurings. Somehow along the way, childish resentments of former classmates and dissatisfied juniors became something of a campaign of misinformation and bitterness. The efforts to undermine Siuan's authority are breathtakingly brutal, a hostile takeover in all but name. It's stunning how quickly former friends melt away. 

"Is it time for a change of leadership at the famous and prestigious White Tower Law School?" screams one of the biggest papers. 

"Is this the woman we want influencing and shaping young legal minds and policies, especially in such an obvious way?" the accompanying photo is far from flattering. 

"There has been criticism for decades about this particular style of teaching and scholarship, despite the bestselling books and talks, is it justified?"  her entire career is helpfully summarised in brief. 

"The White Tower Trembles: Is there is massive schism amongst the ideologies, what will the future of the law and justice landscape look resemble, progressive rigidly authoritarian?" the words are overly dramatic but hold some truth." 

Being publicly shamed as an academic rarely becomes more than an internal office politics unless private dissension exists. Nevertheless, the board has long grumbled about the size of Siuan's budget, range of scholarship and hiring practices. The review of her contract would be contentious, even before the many reports of her private surface. The White Tower has too many influential people, backers and royal graduates to ignore direct and indirect implications. Paid sabbatical with generous benefits is a polite way to outsource the problem. 

"Let us do some discreet investigation, see where all this speculation and innuendo originates, then we can start with a clean slate in the new year, you can focus on the book you have been itching to write." the board chairman tries to offer a sincere smile. 

"Will Elaida or I will be letting the school with this clean slate you seem to covet so much?" Siuan is too exhausted to be diplomatic. 

"I always liked you far more than our debates would have you believe, Siuan, nobody deserves such reckless treatment. Our investigation will be thorough and respectful. We will get to the bottom of how somebody has easy access to private and confidential information. If there is inside influence, the appropriate measures will happen, regardless of the investigation findings; there will not be a coup, bloodless or otherwise, on my watch." It feels strange to hear the man quote one of the headlines. 

"That may not be within your power, but thank you for making an effort to keep up apparencies." Siuan holds out her hand in an awkward gesture of parting. 

His loyalties were as fickle as a Tar Valon spring, but her allies were few at this point. 

***

Thousands of Miles  and Three Time zones 

The Honourable Moiraine Damodred is presiding over a massive case. 

Of course, this isn't an unusual circumstance. The former classmates may no longer be strictly on speaking terms, but Moiraine's career is easy to follow in their circles. The minor noblewoman enacts her teenage dream to protect the most vulnerable through courts and guarantee a pathway to justice for some of the worst offenders, who believe power, influence, or distance makes them about laws. Siuan sometimes watches her trials and can see the girl who won many debate cases. 

"She will come storming here regardless of if you reach out directly, Siuan", Leane points out, her tone gentle but firm. 

Siuan can't get the images of her life suddenly being public out of her head, the headlines of social media, the snide comments from former rivals in law school. Now that her most sensitive and private information is displayed, she doesn't know who to trust. Every time she glances at a computer screen, she sees another headline about what the media is unhelpfully but possibly truthfully calling the legal scandal of the decade. Siuan fears that this action would also meet the threshold for a bloodless coup. 

"Moiraine may see herself as all-powerful now, but there is nothing she can do to support me, much less change the outcome," Siuan argues hoarsely.

"Then why do you keep dialling Lan's number or wiping the message before sending. Please, don't waste what little energy you have ignoring Moiraine, who is your strongest ally, regardless of your current tensions." Leane points out reasonably. 

At this point, she can't even bear to put anything on paper or send a text for fear of it getting into the wrong hands. Still, she would trust a few steadfast allies with her life, and the school's chief administrator is near the top of the list. Leane's mission becomes making Siuan as safe as possible, away from areas where she may be vulnerable such as public engagements and restaurants. In the span of her a few days, Siuan becomes subject to the whims of whatever the taller woman believes to be safe. 

"Tensions. You always were a successful diplomat when we were younger; that's one way to construct things, I suppose, you were there to witness some of the worst." Siuan gives her friend a fleetingly sheepish look. 

"Two things can exist at once, Siuan. Moiraine Damodred can be both the last person you want to enter Tar Valon and the person you need the most." 

"Get out of here while I still have the power to assign your leave and a pay check. They wouldn't succeed in destroying me in the next 8 hours while you get something resembling sleep, Leane." Siuan gentles her voice with genuine affection. 

Siuan waits until the footsteps echo before she lets the tears fall. 

***

The Internal Border 

"What the hell is going on Siuan, every graduate you have had in the last 15 years is blowing up my phone. The number isn't that easy to track down, which makes the feat even more impressive." 

"What we should have predicted decades ago but we too arrogant to see the depth of resentment from the Red Queen," Siuan says, using the old nickname. 

Siuan Sanche isn't particularly close to al'Lan Mandragoran; he was Moiraine's most loyal friend. Therefore, it was only natural that his loyalties would remain steadfast in one direction when the two women become estranged. Nevertheless, things remain civil; the legal circles fighting for human rights are only so large. They would cross paths, especially as Moiraine tries to keep contact with a minimum. Lan is far too qualified to be an intermediary and errand boy, but he has yet to complain.  

"Are you in danger? I mean, physically, do you need me to send a security force in the next few minutes?" Lan asks quickly, sounding like he's starting to pace. 

"It won't take long for these words to turn sinister. I'll be taking a sabbatical to 'focus on my book', which will be the polite headlines in the morning. I'll be making my way home with some of Garath's garrison, it should help." Siuan keeps the terms general. 

"Moiraine is finishing and meeting with Rand, Neynaeve and others. The preliminaries for their final exams are in a fortnight. After that, we will be on the next route to your retreat. She will ring from the plane; I suggest taking the call. " Lan says, leaving no room for argument. 

"How is your future wife, as competitive and stubborn as ever?" Siuan changes the topic. 

"Naynaeve a'Mara is one of Moiraine's favourite protegee, nothing more. There is hope if you can tease me and find the energy to comment on such hypotheticals." Lan says gently, his voice gruff. 

"Dark humour is in the marrow of my bones, Lan. You know this well enough." Siuan says before hanging up. 

Siuan cannot say she feels relief, knowing that Moiraine is on her way, but the vice-like pressure on her heart doesn't feel so powerful. They make an unlikely pair, the graceful prodigy, directly in line to the Sun Throne and the precocious kid with no family to speak of and big dreams. Yet Moiraine was at the centre of every formative experience of her life, in both good and bad ways. It remains unknown and unknowable what pattern this twist of fate will bring than again, Moiraine did love her mysteries. 

***

Two Flights and Security 

"Tell me everything, now." 

Siuan has decades of practice at concealing her true emotions; it's a necessity in the role but goes far back to life as a scholarship kid. However reluctantly, she also develops an ability to interact neutrally with a woman that was once her best friend and close to the centre of her universe. Moiraine, at 43, looks every inch at the regal noblewoman with a burning desire for justice. 

"I'm not one of your clerks, Damodred. Besides, you will see things in graphic, excoriating detail soon enough. You better believe Elaida will take delight in that little piece of theatre and dramatics." Siuan lets out a weary sigh. 

"You think she is in charge of this, even directing the wiretapping? Elaida has ostensibly the same training as we did, more in some cases. Why would she should throw all that away for vengeance?" Moiraine asks incredulously. 

"Making the thought of making me suffer and stopping our plans is enough of an incentive. But, unfortunately, there is a gulf between knowing Elaida's motives and directly building the evidence chain. She has enough support to gather people willing to do her dirty work and take the fall. Elaida can guarantee backing from the Antor throne and government. The board won't want to alienate them." Siuan relays the facts grimly. 

"The way the parade photos of you going to clubs, on dates, who cares who you choose to spend time with, a single woman who works more hours than should be possible?" Moiraine hisses out angrily. 

"Many people, it would seem, Tar Valon is still a relatively conservative place, at least when it comes to law and education. Some of the biggest donors still hold traditional views about women's rights. Especially when it comes to power, especially for a scrappy kid who didn't try and cultivate the connections she wasn't born with, my social calendar is becoming bare a disheartening rate." Siuan reports her tone wintery. 

"When I get my hands on these people..." Moiraine's voice trembles in a barely suppressed rage.

" You will do nothing drastic or public. We aren't in ancient times; you cannot lay claim to defending my honour. There are already too many people you remember the previous closeness between us former influential classmates." Siuan tries to fill her voice with authority she no longer feels. 

"It is precisely because I have such a position of influence that there is no way to let such an injustice, not only for your sake but future generations of the law and gesture. Our association was never the fatal blow to my campaign that you believed it to be, even at the worst of times. What good is gaining so much social capital and power if I am unwilling to test its limits? Siuan Sanche represents more to me than a former lover." Moiraine insists. 

***

Two Cities and Three Hours 

Moiraine is seeing her have a panic attack over zoom, the indignity. 

As these things tend to, they escalate quickly. As a result, all Siuan social media and online accounts are deactivated and left in the hands of IT experts. Furthermore, her hypothetical sabbatical is no longer voluntary, and her second in command is taking over immediate administration duties. As a result, Siuan couldn't access her files, despite having half-done work. Siuan Sanche isn't unfamiliar with feeling powerless, that work could define many aspects of her childhood, but it has been decades since she was that terrified child. 

"Breathe for me, Siaun; we will be there soon. Trust that this is Lan's area of expertise. It's coming from inside our walls, but the principles are similar." Moiraine sounds like she is using her official court voice. 

"You shouldn't even be talking to me; the line may not even be secure; they could argue about interference in your case..." Siuan shivers; her body can't get warm anymore. 

"Lan's team makes the connection more secure than most government devices. There is nothing to influence; the verdict is with the processing officer. Elaida isn't foolish enough to attack me directly, at least not yet. If it comes to it, I will recuse myself from anything further." Moiraine explains seriously. 

"I am your weakest link then, just like always. Isn't that one of the reasons you left along with my many sins." Siuan asks, her voice tightening around the words. 

Siuan Sanche tries not to poke the old wound, knowing no good comes from such actions. She is an expert at compartmentalising pain, but there is something surreal about having Moiraine take charge after so many years between them and barely managing civility during those other times. But, of course, a lack of conversations never stops them from having the occasional passionate night in featureless luxury hotels worldwide. Sexual compatibility is not something that dims for them over time. 

"We have enough problems now without relegating the past. I wouldn't be able to claim my titles or prestige if I let such an injustice stand. Even if there weren't broader implications, caring about you is as much part of my make-up as the Damodred brow ridge and impossible hair. Our disagreements and ideological grounds will never change that, Siuan." Moiraine looks like she blinks back tears.

 "I couldn't think of anyone to call, especially now that Gareth is off serving is the duty and potentially has a new wife; I didn't want to bring anyone else in the chaos. So my every reference for coping revolves around you and getting through things together." Siuan confesses tonelessly, working to keep her face blank. 

"Thank you for trusting in those bonds, even though we have put them under unimaginable stress." Moiraine smiles sadly. 

"Like my uncles strongest fishing ropes, able to withstand many strains and storms." Siuan points out with genuine affection.

"Lan and I will be there soon. So turn off all your tablets and phones, don't even play online chess. Dust off those Cairhien romances that you pretend not to enjoy; Dragon will enjoy curling up and having your undivided attention." Moiraine instructs a smile when thinking of the demanding rescue cat. 

" Or resent having me in her domain for such extended periods. She still lounges on that massive cat tree you send from the peace accords." Siuan doesn't mention that that was one of their rare periods of civility. 

"Send me photos." Moiraine instructs before signing off. 

Siaun Sanche takes a shuddering brief and does as instructed. All her work devices are still in the office, she doesn't have that much technology in her home, but there is still enough for concern. Her small nondescript house in this region is smaller than most of the living spaces in the city, the land surrounding it is remote. Nevertheless, there is vaguely comforting to smell the salt and brine on the air, hearing the kingfisher delighting in their catches. This place will never provide a sense of home, but perhaps there can be safety. 

***

Winding Country Roads and Pride

Moiraine resembles some avenging warrior out of legend. 

A small part of Siuan Sanche wants to protest her and Lan coming to the remotest part of Tear; it takes considerable effort and time. For the most, her home region and city is a distant memory. Education was her ticket out as soon as her uncles realised how easily she could pace the children at the local school. Of course, Siuan misses the place, but in a more abstract sense after so many decades away. The one good thing is that people associate as a Westland and White Tower School. People aren't following her out here so far. 

"I have contracted the security firm that Lan works for, they will be sending the people we have one retainer," Moiraine says, briefly sweeping into the room. 

"You are staying here until your legal teams and get some injunctions in place. The threats of violence and direct attacks are escalating, even in the hours, it took us to get here." Lan agrees, trailing in Moiraine's footsteps and carefully closing the door behind him. 

Siuan isn't entirely sure what possessed her, but one minute she is sitting calmly waiting for her visits, the next she is up and throwing her arms around, hugging Lan's lean from tightly. To his credit, it only takes him a second to adjust before he pulls her in closer, whispering words of kindness and compassion. Something is reassuring about his calmness and steadiness. Somehow she is a student again, facing the challenges of time away from her small, isolated home region. 

"They are threatening to destroy me, and I believe them, having both the power and the desire. Everything we worked for could be ashes before the year was out." Siuan whispers against his broad chest. 

"The next few weeks are going to be horrific, but the people responsible for this campaign will not get away with such attacks. We will defend the principles you fought for since you and Moiraine raised hell as students." Lan whispers into her hair. 

"Don't be naive; it doesn't suit you; people have been discussing cheaper ways to run the school for years. That was before being handed an encyclopaedia of information about my life, desires and mundane details that should remain private." Siaun moves closer against him. 

"What's your alternative, Sanche. Hideaway in your remote home village, letting the rumour dismantle the institution like insects. Your eyes and knees wouldn't handle such a life anymore." Moiraine draws her attention from the other side of the room. 

"They are making horrible insinuations about my honour and integrity; not all of us have trust funds the size of developing nations GNP' to hide behind, Moiraine. The White Tower is the centre of who I am and its unlikely I will never return in the same capacity again." Siuan fumes at her, advancing further. 

"Perhaps, that does not mean that we won't mount a vigorous defence and bet The Red Queen at her favourite game, weaving a narrative. You haven't slept in at least three days, crash for a few hours while we set everything up. Even if you just lie there thinking up new and innovative ways to insult me." Moiraine says briskly while a sad glimmer in her eyes. 

"Moiraine...." Siuan begins helplessly 

"Sleep Siuan, we will talk in a while." 

Siuan Sanche hasn't taken such orders in years, but there is a relief in watching the two people move around the room confidently. For a moment, it feels like the old times, before all the arguments and hateful words. Siuan can almost see the ghosts of their student days in the corners of the room. Moiraine's authoritative and commanding voice still can provoke a reaction, even when it drifts from the other room. Finally, her shoulders start to ease, and sleep is a welcome respite.   

***

Siuan didn't sleep much, but it was enough to clarify a particular point. 

"You may be a genuine princess and fancy yourself a knight of just causes, but you a not riding to my rescue, Moiraine Damodred." is not the most diplomatic start. 

"You are prideful enough to let old grievances stand in the way, mounting a defence to this slander?" Moiraine scratches in a way that her juniors learn to fear. 

The two people in this room were unaffected by such a countenance. 

There was the rub though, the problems between them weren't old; they ran deep, like a living thing, taking root, the rate at the core of who they were. So the noblewoman from a minor principality and the scholarship kid become friends rather than foes. Both of them were paid to speak and argue points of law and language for a living, but neither could find the words to solve the argument ended whatever was developing between them. 

"Speak some sense into her, Lan. There is no way for a judge of your standing to intervene without catching the political fallout. Heck, we helped to write some of the ethical guidelines." Siuan glowers between the two. 

"I would have better luck convincing the tides not to turn and the sun to cease rising. Besides, you are focusing on us being here for you as an individual, Siuan, which isn't strictly true. The 'Princess' is riding to save the realm, not just one individual." Lan points out with a smile before moving to the other room. 

"For the 8000th time, I am not a princess, barely in the line of succession, and not making the list of influential royals anymore. Of course, the grey hair and fluctuating weight may have something to do with that." Moiraine jokes, moving carefully but sitting down on the couch.

"You have another case starting in two weeks and still have the final arguments for this one, Moiraine. Beyond making our alumni pages look good, you are no longer obligated to the school or me." Siuan says, ignoring the fact she knows the schedule. 

"The doxing and coordinated attack against you, the investigation of the school and scrutiny on the board is only the beginning; they want to destroy you in every conceivable way, which I wouldn't stand for, but undermining the vision for justice is almost more crucial. You are the queen in a chess game from hell." Moiraine says grimly. 

"You vowed never to be in the same room as me till the Wheels Next Turning, I believe was your exact phrase. Are we papering over that for now, Judge Damodred? Don't we teach that words matter?" Siuan asks, her voice caught between bitterness and hurt. 

"I don't remember those words equating to standing by and letting a fearsome bully harass you into a foxhole. The situations were entirely different, I'm not ignoring the divisions." Moiraine insists, her eyes flashing. 

"Always the tireless crusader even for the lost causes that make no sense or reason didn't they do a magazine profile like that once?" Siaun asks sharply. 

"Hush. Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan never forgave us for the justice reforms' direction, especially when it comes to methods of interrogation and authority. She despised us idealistic students and has been looking for weakness every since. But, if her allies succeed, it could back the courts' and future lawyers and legal scholarship generations. The White Tower belongs to all those who came through the doors." Moiraine is quiet but absolute in her convictions. 

"The sad thing is Elaida believes herself in the right, just like you did when you undermined my authority in pursuit of redemption for those royalists." Sian points out, bringing up the topic they were avoiding. 

"I stand by the decision but was wrong to force your hand publicly. Elaida's methods and ideology are rotten to the core." Moiraine concedes sadly. 

"Are you proposing a truce for the greater good, Damodred?" 

"No. I'm saying that we are like your uncle's favourite rope, stronger than outward appearances and able to withstand obstacles for a common purpose. That is the extent of the poetry that runs through this noble woman's bones." Moiraine holds out her hands invitingly. 

"You aren't going to save me, Moiraine." Siuan accepts the gesture. 

"You are not going to be the next victim of a public vilification campaign, Siuan. There is too much good work still to be done." Moiraine tugs gently a pulls her into a hug. 

Siuan resisted and at first, but Moiraine Damodred always was something of an irresistible force. So the first thing that strikes her is that the fundamentals of her former friend and lover are the same. She still fits against Siaun shoulder's and her long hair still has the soft while from when they shared a bed more nights than not. Even the way she shifts to reposition their weight before murmuring words of comfort bring back a cascade of memories, most of them wonderful, a few of them terrible, a statement that encompasses the whole of their long association. 

Chapter Text

 "You have made a place in my heart where I thought there was no room for anything else. You have made flowers grow where I cultivated dust and stones. Remember this, on this journey, you insist on making. If you die, I will not survive you long." al'Lan Mandragoran.

Estrangement is a strange thing with a unique power. 

From a certain point of view, Moiraine Damodred understands the concept better than most; after all, much of the law represents the ultimate end to a fracturing relationship. Families break down; business details and deals go sour; people without a connection to society or home commit desperate acts to survive. However, she is fortunate to have a few close friends and family members, so her roots remain relatively whole if distant. But, of course, Siuan Sanche is the exception to that rule, as is the case in most things. 

Moiraine has relitigated that series of events so often in her mind, but with all her knowledge and experience, she cannot see another way forward. Their ideals fractured along opposite sides of a tragic case. Moiraine believed that a young princeling from her home country deserved a defence for an accidental crime that took a life; Siuan favour was with the victim, an impoverished family who depended on one of the deceased man's earnings. Those simple lines resolve into the most terrible arguments. 

"You didn't need to come here in person, Damodred; your underlings are semi-functional legal professionals, are they not? " Siuan says not for the first time. 

"This scandal and hostile manoeuvring is going to hurt me if I am here or in back in the High Court. So it's logical to assume Red Queen is likely seeing where the chips fall before she plans to make me more than collateral damage. It would be the crowning achievement to take down an heir to the Sun Throne, who didn't want the title in the first place. I'm sorry if you find my proximity difficult..." Moiraine explains, struggling to keep her tone even. 

"You are as comforting to me now as you were 20 years, the gods be dammed. The gallantry and support of Moiraine Damodred and al'Lan Mandragoran reinforce how alone I was when I needed you most." Siuan explains, her voice taking on an extra bleakness. 

"I can't apologise for a situation where my convictions gave me no other choice." Moiraine hates how hollow everything sounds. 

"Was it your convictions that led you to go my bed in the twilight and be my opposing counsel in the morning? Where is that in the great Damodred code of ethics?" Siuan asks, not bothering to hide the bitterness. 

"We were arguing so much; it seems hopeless.." Moiraine tries pleadingly. 

"So you thought we may as well be paid to be on opposing sides? I thought your big brother was a financial shark of the family; wouldn't he be proud." Siuan whirls to face her. 

***

Siuan Sanche is subject to a uniquely modern scandal. 

Lan may have ordered the professor not to read her messages, but Moiraine feels no such restrictions. She brings both electronic and physical copies that her staff put together. Most are graduates of Siuan's classes, so they are glad to help and willingly put in extra hours. Moiraine cannot honestly say that she is surprised by the brutality.

 There were many tensions underneath the surface, and it only took a few moments for everything to go up in flames. What is frightening is how little consideration Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan gives to the idea that they will fight back. Instead, the minor noblewoman feels certain in her ability to force Siuan out through a campaign (through third and fourth parties) of social and professional scandal. The woman is arrogant, but she isn't stupid; there must be reasoning behind such beliefs. 

"You should not read all this in one go, Moraine sadly, the content gets progressively more...unpleasant." Lan says gravely as he brings in another cup of tea. 

"Yet you have spent the first 14 hours since she rang doing nothing else, including achieving everything into these handy little folders. What gives you a pass to great emotional strength?" Moiraine asks, reaching for the drink gratefully. 

"Two things mainly. I am a security and intelligence officer who does this for a living who has deep ties to the White Tower. Second, my heart doesn't belong to the subject of such insults." Lan gives her a serious look. 

"Come and show me your colour coding system and we'll start making progress." Moiraine exists resolutely. 

The first attack is working to undermine Siuan's professional standing and plans for White Tower. Primarily, her integrity and judgment call on several trials before moving into her decisions regarding students and statements. It becomes distressingly easy for someone to stitch together a narrative that seeds doubt and distrust. Old grievances turn into current problems; Moiraine remembers some of these people and fights back against the urge to retaliate. 

The most distressing is the delicate and 'diplomatic' insinuations about her personal life, specifically her desires that particular clubs service. A team does a deep dive on social media and makes more insinuation linkages than reality. If Siuan Sanche directly faces criminal charges, defending her from 'inappropriateness' whispers will be a simple matter. Moiraine suspects that this is where Elaida's working her art as a merchant of scandal. As a minor noble, she is an expert at using the information to wreck a reputation. 

"Whoever did this has been creative where they spread this information around the networks of Tar Valon, catching the 'right' attention. It's no wonder the board wants her on leave and far away." Lan gestures to a particular line. 

"Now would be a perfect time for a royal scandal or two. Even in the Sun Court, there must be a marriage or new addition to the line of succession." Moiraine points out sardonically. 

"Unfortunately, such a flash in the pan wouldn't be nearly enough. You could try going viral with another one of your speeches about women in the legal profession, but I don't know if I could stomach guarding you both at once." Lan gives her shoulder a supportive squeeze. 

***

"You are aware that your knees and hips can't handle trying to outrun your problems anymore, right?"

Lan is an obnoxiously fit individual and proves the point by jogging on the spot while he scolds her. Moiraine, being a mere mortal, has difficultly faking such indifference. Going for a long run along the outskirts of Siaun's family lands seems like a good way to clear her head. The reinforcements are arriving later in the day. Moiraine can only look at the images and messaging for so long. Lan seems willing to be her shadow as always. 

"The Sanche Brothers land is beautiful. Siuan has done a great job of maintaining and expanding the original property. We need the fresh air." Moiraine argues, keeping her gaze on the coastline. 

"So this sudden enthusiasm for exercise has nothing to do with the fact you are trying to find a way to mount a defence/attack strategy for Siaun Sanche without actively acknowledging her existence? Which sounds like a version of a dystopian legal nightmare. You were always a decent chess player, Lady Moiraine but that's extreme, even for you." Lan points out roughly. 

"You know better than most why the tensions exist, Lan. Heck, I'm sure overhead our arguments from this morning." Moiraine glances at her friend. 

"I reminder such debates echoing down the halls of the White Tower. There is a still, a faint scar on my forehead from the time I intercepted a teapot you intended to throw at her." Lan gestures vaguely to his head. 

"Then let me have this outlet, My Friend." Moiraine says with a weary smile. 

"Even if you get me up at 6 am to meet with the sheep and horses." Lan promises. 

Moiraine fights back the first genuine laugh in a while. Her legs are starting to burn from the movements. Still, Lan steady presence is a constant comfort. The kaleidoscope of memories connected to Siuan is some of the best and worst in her life. Being back in her former lover's home regions bring things up at the most inopportune time. Her feet pound a regular rhythm. They will make a second loop, which will give Siaun the chance to move around the house without bumping into her.

"There is a reason Nynaeve and the others are coming. Don't work yourself into the ground, either defending Siaun or avoiding her. You can't answer for your sins by collapsing." Lan points out a stern note in his voice. 

***

The house isn't big enough to fit all the tensions, but the wild and rural landscape helps. But, of course, it's been at least several decades since a common purpose unites them all. Nyneave and others are polite houseguests and do their best not intrusive. Instead, they convert the remaining spare room into a planning room. Moiraine and Lan will be staying here while the others will rent a place locally. 

"Do you think any of your inner circle could have leaked the information? Is Alric trustworthy still?" Lan asks, referring to Siaun longest-serving aide. 

"Don't be absurd; he is the very definition of honour, even if he isn't noble-born." Siuan snaps, glaring up from her position beside the window.

Siuan Sanche is participating in the discussions reluctantly. After nearly twenty years in many leadership positions, it is a foreign concept to withdraw from things entirely. Moiraine has to swallow hard against the tears when she how completely defeated the tall woman looks; her light makeup does little to hide the bags under her eyes. She absently notices the new tattoos on Siuan shoulders and wishes she was brave enough to ask about them. 

"It's obvious that somebody is feeding them intel. However, there is no way that all things insights are from a classic phone hack or private investigation racket. You all believe Elaida is to blame, but she has been avoiding you for the last decade; most of the most hurtful information is too current. We need to start looking for suspects. How do you feeling about the intern from Antor?" Nynaeve insists while refusing to back down. 

Siuan straightens, and there is a familiar fire to fight in her dark eyes, but only for a moment before she sinks back into this listlessness that is so foreign. Moiraine actively fights the urge to offer comfort, knowing that the gesture will not be welcome. Siaun Sanch despises weakness in herself even more than others. In the intervening years, Moiraine Damodred comes under the category of 'everybody else.' The hurt needs exist with her many regrets and sore points. 

"The truth is that I don't know; everything I thought was certain is now in shambles, including my every move made in the last fifteen years. Months ago I would have count these board members and staff as friends and allies. So I find myself wishing for a simple firing from the institution that was my life for over two decades, make of that what you will, Miss a'Mara." Siuan fixes her eyes above the other woman's shoulder.

"We...." Nynaeve begins, but Lan gives her a warning look.  

"I think the cross-examinations will happen in stages, lest I lose what little remains of my stamina." Siuan gets up, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. 

The people in the room can do little but watch as she sweeps from the room. There is no sense in arguing the point or offering reassurances. Siuan's assessment of the situation is sad, but there is no denying the reality. Thankfully Moiraine's students and clerks have a less emotional investment, so they get back to work quickly. They can move to different positions in legal practices far from the White Tower if it comes to it. Elaida leaves her most resentment for her contemporaries.

***

"You need to snap her out of this funk unless Professor Sanche participates in her defense we may as well go home." 

"Can you blame her for struggling a little, Nyaeve?" Moiraine scolds gently. 

Nynaeve a'Mara is a woman that Moiraine admires greatly. She retrains her sense of justice and healing from roots in the Two Rivers, at the same time, working hard to protect the friends who came with her from that place. However, the respect doesn't seem mutual; Nynaeve views Moiraine as the embodiment of some elite schools, which is true enough in fairness. However, they find a common purpose in many of Moiraine's high profile pursuits of justice. 

"We are on a clock and none of the numbers are in our favour." the younger woman replies sharply. 

"I think you will be overestimating the extent to which my opinion one or another will influence Siuan Sanche's decision making. You are astute enough to recognise where our friendship lands, Miss a'Mara." Moiraine tries to keep things vague. 

"Well, she doesn't have many confidantes in the present either; it's you or Lan. He struggles to put together words about his reality, much less somebody else." there is deep pain underneath the natural tone. 

"Can we try every other option first, Nynaeve? We have plenty of resources." Moiraine hates the level of vulnerability in her voice. 

That seems to be the easiest way of sidestepping that increasing her time with Siuan would do little more than escalate the situation. But, unfortunately, the woman in question is likely to be more resistant than now. So, sadly, there is a cowardly reassurance in not breaking the tentative truce that exists for the sake of the guests in the house. The plain truth is that if Moiraine invites Siaun Sanche to start talking, they likely enter emotional territory that neither of them is ready to withstand. 

'You are the bravest woman I know, don't disappoint me now; I was just standing to enjoy the clerkship with you." Nynaeve glowers like she is an errant child. 

"Ah, it is easy to find courage when you aren't dealing with topics that cut close to the bone. There is a reason I'm known more for my legal skills than interpersonal dynamics. A fact you were keen to point out at some length in my guest lecturing evaluations, if memories." Moiraine manages a genuine smile. 

"Unfortunately, now the two things are different sides of the same coin. Siuan Sanche deserves allies with these people trying to destroy her lifework." Nynaeve is both sad and resolute. 

***

"Why doesn't Lan propose to the young woman and be done with the matter? 

Moiraine blinks at the surprisingly casual observation as she and Siuan pass each other in the kitchen. They were both chronic insomniacs in school, and it doesn't seem this habit carries through under these stressors. For a moment, Moiraine feels like they are back in school, awaiting the future. At the moment, Siuan is sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea. 

"You know that duty and honour come before everything else. In some ways, the unrequited nature         of it all all appeals to his poetic soul. Nynaeve is too young, idealistic and generally wonderful." Moiraine explains with a sad flickering smile.

"Do you still favour than blend from the Sun Palace? I still have some around here somewhere." Siuan gets up from the chair. 

Moiraine can do nothing but nod; she tries not to read anything into the gesture. Siuan is practical and fugal above any other defining characteristic. She wouldn't want to through away perfectly good tea for the sake of spite. Moiraine watches as Siuan makes the drink to her perfect specifications. There is something so sweet about the moment that she can't find words in the multiple languages she speaks. 

"Thank you so much that would be lovely, though I feel like my diet consists of different blends and Nynaeve's protein cookies." Moiraine offers roughly. 

"That young woman has many talents; Lan is a fool to be so stubborn." Siuan muses.

"Enough is crumbling in my life to discount the possibility of playing matchmaker. However, Nyaeve isn't one to give up easily or wait around passively for others to make a decision. They will navigate through the stormy waters or whatever is the appropriate Tear metaphor." Moiraine is confidant in that assesment. 

They fall into a silence that isn't quite comfortable. But, on the other hand, the number of topics that don't lead back to their past and present difficulties is vanishingly small. Moiraine traces the lines of Siuan's new tattoos, trying to remember the symbolism behind such ink and what they mean. There was a point in her life when she could recount work as well as the Damodred linage, not anymore. The woman before her somehow feels close and so far away. 

***

"Aren't you a handsome boy, do you feel like stretching those long legs with me?" 

Moiraine hasn't ridden in a while, but horses were a feature of her youth. Siuan's uncles and their families keep horses and ponies. So there is a decent amount of grazing land for the hearty bread suited for the coastline. The tall beauty stallion nickers and stomps his foot to appreciate the attention. He accepts the apples and carrots from her pockets. 

"He is not as well-mannered as your beloved and gentle mare, but you won't find better for stamina." there is a note of softness in the familiar voice. 

By the standards of this recent trip, Siuan Sanche is looking better. She is leaning against the stable door, giving Moiraine an unreadable look. Her outfit fits in perfectly with the surroundings but still seem strange on somebody who lives in designer wear and power suits most of the time. Moiraine has a sudden pang for the days when they were up here as students without so many problems and ideologies dividing them. 

"Do you mind if I take him out for a ride by the back trails?" Moiraine asks softly

"Justice would love the excuse to run. Let me tack up Cloud Dancer, and I'll join you. They are paddock mates and walk well together." Siuan says, moving further into the stables. 

"Suitable name for a handsome boy." Moiraine smiles before opening the stall gate. 

"He is yours to ride as long as we are stuck here at the ends of the earth. So save Lan from going on your endlessly long runs; give him time to muster the courage to talk to Miss A'mara." Siaun attempts a weak smile as she reaches the final stall. 

There is a comfortable silence as they groom their mounts and prepare the tact. A faint tremble affects Siaun's unusually confidant gestures; other than that; there are no overt signs of the dilemma. In the past, these moments would be full of conversation and laughter. They share many similar interests and opinions. Now it's not only the estrangement that divides them; it's the years without knowing the everyday details and quirks that makeup knowing each other. 

"I don't get back here often enough to see these guys. So maybe my involuntary retirement will have a few fringe benefits." Siuan says darkly, running an affection hand over the horse's shoulder. 

"Let's not talk in such absolute terms just yet, it didn't work for us during that last case, and it won't be useful now. So maybe we can look into that elusive concept of a work-life balance, spend some more time with Cloud Dancer?" Moiraine suggests quietly. 

"Such an idealist after all these years, no wonder the clerks love you so much. Less talking and more riding, Damodred." Siuan instructs, but there is a lightness in her tone. 

"I have missed spending time out here and the supplies of fresh fish. Maybe I'll finally learn how to make the dishes that you did so well in grad school." Moiraine muses, hopefully. 

"You don't have any talent for cooking, Moiraine. I wouldn't trust you with the fundamentals of such a delicate dish; how about getting a list of the good restaurants that combine Teer fusion. Heck, several of my hundreds of cousins are in the business. If you stay here long, enough one or six will be stopping by; they will wax lyrical about perfect dishes." Siuan wraps her hands around the reins. 

"I may have picked up a few since I had the chance to prepare a meal for you, citrus isn't so difficult to master after all." Moiraine tries to offer a smile. 

"I imagine so; those profiles in the law review are flattering enough but don't mention hobbies. Anyway, let's get out of here while it's not too hot." Siuan turns away swiftly. 

Moiraine has little choice but to follow.  

***

"You haven't lost your touch when horses, excellent form, Moiraine." 

Moiraine Domadred is prideful enough not to let her weariness show after a few hours on the longest trials and a few canters. Siuan seems better for the exercise. They walk together in companionable silence, leading the animals to let them cool down. Siuan pretends not to notice when Moiraine spoils each with an extra apple slice or two. Moiraine almost wishes they could stay in this moment, away from reliable internet service. 

"You know that even if you, Lan and others work a secular miracle, I won't be able to slip back into the role as if nothing happened. There is too much baggage associated with my name and work. The major selling point is that my parents and elder uncles aren't here to their favoured child fall. See the fishmongers have dynastic ambitions too, Princess." Siuan offers a weak but genuine smile. 

"That doesn't mean you can't hide here and pretend that nothing is going on, Siuan. Things may not resolve favourably, but there are many ways it can get worse. The key to controlling your panic attacks is addressing the situation directly." Moiraine warns, stopping to give Siuan her full attention. 

"I am going to do this my own way, Moiraine Damodred. There is a reason you were the one who went after the judgeship, and I did everything to avoid such attention. So don't expect me to start filing an onslaught of lawsuits or other public spectacle." Siuan is equally adamant. 

"All I'm asking is that you participate fully with Nynaeve and the others; specifics will come later. Trust in the teachings of a school you build." Moiraine smiles, clicking her tongue to get Justice to start moving.

"Can you answer me one thing about the time we aren't talking about, the metaphorical herd of angry elephants in the room?" Siuan asks with a catch in her voice. 

"I can try..." Moiraine promises

"Why the hell did you work to undermine me so publicly without a word of warning?. If I squint and can almost understand your desire to defend the princelings, distant relatives and all. You were always firm in the right to representation. But no matter how many times I go over it, the image of you, using my knowledge of Teer and that drivers family against me, is impossible to reconcile." Siuan lets go of the lead rope and start walking away. 

"Those boys needed a defence...the information I gained wasn't specific.." 

"Siaun, I'm going to work for the opposing side. We better stop this complicated thing that we never bothered to define. Were those words so difficult to articulate or any other? With all those languages you are so proud of speaking." Siuan bites out each of the words. 

"For me, they were two realities; there was nobody available to step in when their lawyer was ill. I tried explaining this countless times. For me, our 'thing' was never 'complicated'; it was merely a matter of the duty coming first." Moiraine tries to explain once again. 

"I took me years to rebuild the trust you managed to destroy in 22 minutes." Siuan hisses, lowering her voice when Cloud Dancer startles. 

"Siaun..."

"Don't give him any more apples, he already thinks the universe revolves around him," Siuan warns, walking away briskly. 

Chapter Text

Small things were important. Seconds were small things, and if you heaped enough of those on top of one another, they became a man's life." Wheel of  Time 

"Won't things be pretty dire if they get to this point? More dire than an unfit person in her 40s could manage?"

Siuan Sanche knows she has said the wrong thing to the worst person in her immediate circle. al'Lan Mandragoran doesn't have many absolutes in life, not after so much death and tragedy, difficulties in his homeland. However, the security expert believes in hope and the strength to carry on, down to his bones. Siuan knows that her old friend finds her descent into full-blown despair upsetting and irritating. However, he is nice enough to wait until they are alone to confront her directly. It's a small mercy that she will likely live to regret. 

"Perhaps. But dire is far from without hope Siuan, or so you teach all those students whose hearts break when faced with the reality of human rights law." Lan chastises her gently. 

"Forgive me for not feeling overly idealistic, Merchant of Hope. Why are we doing this on the grass?" Siuan asks hesitantly. 

"Because if people are going to attack you, they aren't going to be fussy about where they do it. You could be anywhere." Lan points out, glancing at his watch. 

"That's a valid point, though I don't see how successful your crash course will be," Siuan grumbles softly, watching him wearily. 

Siuan begins to feel self-conscious as she stretches and follows Lan through his warmup routines. There is no comparison between the tall man and the average person, much less an academic who sits behind a desk all day. It still feels strange to have her hair in a long braid for purely practical reasons. Lan doesn't have the makings of a natural teacher, but he is adamant that she will learn the principles of self-defence. Siuan can feel the humiliation in advance. 

"Forget everything you see in the movies. There is no need to throw anyone out windows. The purpose is to gain however many seconds you need to get away using whatever is available." Lan instructs before bringing his hands up. 

Siuan takes a deep breath and forces her muscles to relax, mimicking the movement and positions. Although she has known and respected this man for years, that doesn't make the prospect of learning self-defence from him any less intimidating. Siuan exercises to keep fit but without any specific goal in mind. Lan would have mastery in several disciplines, even if he was never likely to brag or state such things publicly. The scenarios that they are imagining are terrifying. 

"When people move to attack you, they are automatically leaving areas open for attack, even with professional training. What you need to assess is what can you reach and how hard to hit." Lan wraps his arms around her in a mock hold. 

"How am supposed to do that while fearing for my life and the lives of everyone in the house?" Siuan asks while trying not to tense up. 

"What we are talking about exceds instincts, I have seen your memory in action Professor Sanche." Lan says before gently moving her arms into position. 

"That title could be in a dispute soon enough. Minions will be going through my thesis with a magnifying glass, looking for the many flaws." Siuan quips drily.

"You may be a fish in a net, but that is not the same as being powerless. If it helps, think of all those big catches your father struggled for hours to wrangle. Now, please do your best to shift my weight." Lan sounds bizarrely courtly for such a moment.  

***

Lan heeds her pleas for mercy at the two-hour mark. 

Truthfully Siuan cannot complain about the instruction. It feels good to physically do something other than trying to go over her entire career in painstaking detail. Lan may have some deep connections to the White Tower and Tar Valon, but he is not a legal scholar and has little interest in the cases before Moiraine and any of her students. Siuan realises how much she misses his advice and that wonderful ability to joke about the past and hope for the future. 

"It's vaguely impressive that you haven't once scolded me for this mess with Moiraine, even though you are happy to critique my footwork in such detail. Especially considering you are the one who bears the brunt of her temper and melancholy." Siuan brings up a topic that has been on her mind for days.  

 Lan is an absolutist in the best and purest sense of the term, doing anything to impart guiding principles of defence. He sees the actions of Elaida simply in terms of a threat to neutralise. There are no wider strategies to his advice. Siuan has a faint hope that physical exhaustion will make her sleep easier. However, the takeaways he rewards her with make everything almost worth it. 

"It's not a friend's place to comment against another, especially it comes to relationships. Anybody can see whatever action you took hurt you both deeply, if not in equal ways." Lan points out before reaching for the salt shaker. 

"I see the long association with the law, and Judge Moiraine Damodred, has made your diplomacy game as sharp as the rest of us." Siuan quips. 

"Moiraine was always better at ignoring the differences between you two. We may claim an egalitarian society, but roots still count for something. The position that case put you both in was impossible. I think the mistake is pretending that the wound doesn't exist and you don't have the power or inclination to hurt each other, no matter how far apart." Lan offers his opinion delicately. 

"Maybe it would have been easier if she agreed to marry that high born diplomat like her uncle spent years scheming about. Heart breaking, but more straight forward." Siuan sighs. 

"It should tell you something that she ditched his high profile birthday weekend to listen to your keynote address, even though you weren't on speaking terms." Lan points out. 

"I thought that distinctive blue coat in the back looked familiar; thanks for confirming my suspicions. Moiraine deserves at least some of the credit for that report. " Siuan says with a genuine smile. 

"It's not betraying any great secret or confidence. There are reasons that the team is so ready to mount legal arguments. Moiraine follows your career and interests, even when you are no longer working on the same thing or similar case law. Maybe it's worth seeing the whole rope, rather than the one strand that frayed under pressure." Lan seems to enjoy playing with metaphors.

***

Siuan feels better for doing something, even if it's a small step. 

The legal scholar will no doubt regret that assertion when she wakes up at 5 am to complete Lan's new and personalised workout regime, designed to get her back in shape from her lack of sleep and overreliance on both coffee and carbohydrates. Siuan wishes that this could be a montage sequence in a movie, where she can suddenly feel better and full of energy. Unfortunately, she is likely to have more bad days than good as things stand. There is no magical cure for what ails her either in the past or the present. 

"I'll be at your door at 5 am sharp with a litre of water and a new playlist. Feel free to make your suggestions." Lan informs her while they do a second round of stretching. 

"Lan, don't be ridiculous. Since I was old enough to untangle fishing lines, I've been up with the dawn. The intervening years haven't made me that soft. Your home programme looks easy enough to follow." Siuan argues quickly. 

Siuan isn't good company at the best of times, but first thing in the morning is worse. Having so many 'guests' in what she considers a retreat is also stressful. Rotating the level of interaction makes her less likely to snap at Rand or Mat when they ask a question the wrong way or want her opinion on the latest piece of information. Lan is strong enough to take it, but that doesn't mean he deserves such irritation and temper. 

"You can't scare me away, Siuan...If it were a simple instruction, you wouldn't have three unused virtual studio passes. So there is no shame in needing a friend to increase motivation. Besides, the people of Tear aren't the only natural early risers." Lan disagrees before giving her a firm look. 

"Don't you need that time to write bad to middling poetry about a certain scholar who wants to heal the great divisions in the world and has a temper to match the founders of Tar Valon legal though?" Siuan can't resist the urge to bring up the point. 

"I'll take it as a positive sign that you have the wit and energy to rile me, but my answer on both fronts remains the same. I have no talent for poetry or anything else such a person needs. I'll see you at 5 am." Lan smiles sadly before turning away. 

"Thank you, Lan. I won't be the easiest of unofficial clients in the coming days." Siuan warns.

"How is that different from every other day?" he calls over his shoulder. 

Siuan sighs. At least such a gentle scolding is better than the man pointing out her hypocrisy when commenting on somebody else's relationship. However, she suddenly has a fierce desire to return to the beginning when the three of them were nothing more than students doing their best to survive without so many scars and hurt. She leans against the doorframe, wiping away a few tears that are not entirely from sadness. Maybe things will feel better in the morning, no matter how early. 

***

The social media attacks are dormant; that's never a good thing in the current reality.  

Her strange support crew refuses to comment one way or the other. However, Siuan knows enough to recognise that nobody goes through this much trouble to get someone out of their job. Elaida and the others were nursing a grudge as students and found further justification for such feelings in adulthood. Public doxing and social media campaigns are now the way to grab attention and force action. While Siuan can't influence decisions, the work behind the scenes is almost more frightening. 

"You were ruthlessly ambitious and arrogant enough to assume that yours was the only path, to the determent of other schools of thought. The leadership of Siuan Sanche couldn't have bred more resentment if you tried. Unfortunately, you were naive enough to believe that such things didn't matter because you were fighting for the greater good." 

"While I appreciate the pep talk, you might want to consider a different profession than motivational speaking." Siuan quips drily. 

Siuan uses all her training to not react to Nynaeve's assessment. The unwanted label of prodigy and a twenty-year career gives her detractors plenty of ammunition. Siuan can barely remember some of these cases, to the scholar's shame. It wasn't that long ago when she could remember those arguments word for word. It's easy enough to let the doubt seep in, especially with many witnesses. The Red Queen isn't entirely wrong when she claims Siuan is out of touch with the needs on the ground. 

"I have read everything you have committed to paper since your days as a precocious school student with definite opinions on the governing structure of the town your family called home. Siuan Sanche is who she presents to be in her public resumes; nothing provides justifiable grounds for dismissal unless our most scared institutions fail. That's why they are raking up all this muck about 'personal values'." Nynaeve explains impatiently. 

"My young nieces and nephews have now seen my dating profile preferences, specific ones at that. But, unfortunately, I can't regain that ground with them and all the others, even if I wade through the muck with most of my dignity intact." Siuan flushes at the memory. 

"All eight hundred of them were well aware of all your achievements before this incident and will handle this new knowledge easily enough. Your backwater village is progressive, especially when it comes to the star daughter who got out. I say this as the 'pride' of the Two Rivers." Nynaeve puts sarcasm into the title. 

"It's hard to remember that fact when none of this knowledge was revealed on my own terms, but your point is valid. I will try and dedicate at least an hour to sleep away my past either way. " Siuan stands up, trying to suppress a groan. 

**

"Is there room for anyone else in his life aside from Moiraine?" 

Siuan Sanche knows that a question like this is coming but wishes that Nynaeve al'Meara asked when she felt more certain, not that such feelings exist anymore. There is certain ridiculousness in coming to someone who is still nursing decades-long heartbreak for advice. Still, the woman who hopes to combine medicine with healing is prideful and has standards. Therefore, passively waiting for Lan to come to his senses isn't her style. Many people call Lan a friend, but few can claim to know the fearsome man well. 

Perhaps they could all learn from such directness. Thankfully, the younger woman doesn't seem to want an immediate answer and continues making tea. She makes a cup to Siuan’s specifications without direction. The giant mug feels comforting in hands that are still aching from the efforts at survival training. Nynaeve sits opposite her, waiting for an answer. The silence stretches for several long moments as they wait for the liquid to cool. 

"He doesn't think so, no. You are not in competition with Moiraine Damodred in the traditional sense. To my knowledge, not a single romantic thought has ever passed between them. Instead, Lan feels an obligation to the Sun Throne and their protection after the political upheaval in his homeland. The commitment to human and equal rights in politically unstable and hostile regions became her mission then his soon after." Siuan explains, smiling briefly at the memory. 

"So this is your version of letting me down gently, that there is no hope in fighting a wider idea." Nynaeve says, her tone fatalistic. 

"I said he believes this, not that his noble, self-sacrificing mindset has any merit. Duty and love are not mutually exclusive, especially with Moiraine hearing cases from one location. I believe you could make that man profoundly happy for what it's worth, more so than your current online strategy games and late night DMs." Siuan insists, reaching out to touch a clenched fist gently. 

"I have no idea why I'm even asking you that in the middle of the night before we start plotting your re-entry into the world. I'm going to blame sea breeze and strange wildlife" Nynaeve glowers at the window as if they are evidence of the cause. 

"Plenty of people feel similar sentiments, and it's overstepping my mark to say this so feel free to disregard the words with the dregs of your tea. You aren't imagining what's going on between you; Lan Mandragoran hasn't had many experiences in life that nurture his human side. That doesn't mean he is incapable of feelings and building a more conventional life."

"Unlikely while Moiraine Damodred sits in the highest international court."

"Our gathering is the definition of unlikely; there are stranger things than the meeting of two great minds over strategy and word games." 

"We should sleep. Doesn't Lan have you running in about 90 minutes?" Nynaeve glances at the clock uncertainly. 

"Yes, and he won't give me a free pass, even if I was counselling you or the world was ending. Whichever came first, he would still follow protocol." 

***

Moiraine and Lan are mounting a defence with ruthless efficiency. It's a shame the simple architecture doesn't live up to the idea of a war room. 

Siuan Sanche may resent their intrusion and the emotions that seeing Moiraine brings, but she cannot fault such work ethic. Her primary goal in the last weeks has been to avoid Moiraine and the possibility of connecting with her emotions. At least she is progressing to the point where she can get up every morning and wear suitable clothing beyond nightwear. Besides Lan's new role as her trainer everyone else seems content to leave her alone. 

"The leadership are going to regret the day they decided to take the easy way out and took Elaida’s council on removing you," Moiraine announces fiercely. 

"Not that I have any great desire to defend my accusers, but the decision was swift, but it wasn't easy. Alanna and the others did their best.”

"Alanna will be plotting revenge until we are in our dotage. However, that's not the point, darling." Moiraine says the term of endearment without thinking. 

Everyone has specific tasks. Each of the juniors takes responsibility for a particular element of the attack. Rand is looking at social media, Nynaeve the questions of legal scholarship and Mat the money trail. Yet, for the first time in a long time, Siuan sits through one of these meetings without despair. It no longer feels as if strangers sit and watch Moiraine weave her magic and authority. There is no mystery in why she inspires such devotion from the clerks. Moiraine commands attention like she did when they were students in debate. 

"Whatever metrics they were using to the make the decision, drawing heavily on such corrupt sources is a mistake. There is a direct link between the online trolls and your budget and teaching preferences. Employment court has many principles to draw from, my guess is that they expect the former to prevent us from examining the latter." Moiraine gives her aid and searches. 

"Are we going public?" Siuan asks with dread in her voice. 

Siuan instinctively tenses at the whole idea but keeps her features natural. Several auditing trails map out how fake accounts link to legitimate legal firms. Siuan can't believe how easy it is for someone to try and destroy another person's life. She has all the advantages of support, power and finances. Still, it wasn't enough to prevent these attacks from escalating. What would happen if she was an average person facing such anger? 

"Yes, there is no way around it, at least not when addressing the public rumours and speculation. However, that doesn't mean the narrative won't be under our strict control. The motions that we file will be well ahead of any public appearance." Moiraine says briskly. 

***

"I loved you and what happened broke my heart." 

Siuan sincerely doubts that Lan would approve of approaching Moiraine after such a long day, but she needs to grab moments of courage when they present themselves. Judge Moiraine Damodred looks something close to peaceful as she grooms the horses, muttering softly to them, with an accent that rarely slips into her speech anymore. Siuan almost wants to stay in the doorway and watch the interaction. Lan isn't wrong that she will need to be at full strength in the coming months. Living at odds with Moiraine Damodred is one of her biggest weaknesses. 

"Whatever you may think of me, I am not unaware of that reality Siuan. That night was one of the hardest of my life because I knew that you would see me forever as another elite compromising principles for the sake of class." Moiraine keeps her attention on Justice, reworking his mane. 

"I love you most inconveniently. It would be so much easier to keep things light and easy if we were amongst the countless others experimenting before settling on a permanent arrangement. That we were friends holding each other in the long nights, for the lack of better options. 

"You think that my feelings weren't similar, that I didn't want to plan a life with you?" Moiraine asks wearily. 

"I never had cause to doubt it before that day, you shook my belief in everything. Lan believes I am letting a wound fester, that it was foolish to think there was anything close to a clean break. " Siuan whispers, returning the sad smile. 

"So he doesn't approve our occasional dalliances and long weekends? Almost no words were spoken and less was communicated, but he hid those feelings so well." Moraine says sardonically before raising a questioning eyebrow. 

"I believe our little chess game of conflicting emotions challenges him almost as much as it does us. Not that I will ever truly regret our time in Andor and Five Fingers before that, the morning after certainly, but never that time." Siuan lets the tenderness of those feelings seep into her voice.

"If we extend the wound metaphor, then eventually the pain becomes something I could tolerate, especially if it means staying in your orbit, no matter how distant. Confronting things directly was too intimidating, which is strange for somebody who makes a career out of seeking the truth in all things." Moiraine looks flushed at the memories.

"Even at my angriest, I could never regret loving you, whatever form it takes over the years. " Siuan replies, reaching to clasp their hands together. 

"You don't know that. I, however, know that as we shape your defence you will need to 'come out’ and talk about your relationships and what they mean, whatever the specific details." Moiraine is a mixture of anger and sadness.

"I was never 'in the closet' to begin with; it just never felt like a priority to me. So what would this statement look like, Moiraine? I've had four relationships worth the name and we can't forget the pretty princess who smiled at me and was leading our class by the second week, not particularly grand or noteworthy.

"It depends on who is fortunate enough to be paying attention. My story would be much the same, except you had me when explaining the meanings of your tattoos and connection to your homeland." Moiraine confesses sheepishly. 

****

"If the odds work in my favour and I'm not in a legal mess, come back here with me." Siuan offers while keeping her attention on the kettle. 

"We may be making progress, but I doubt running away together is the answer to decades worth of miscommunication, as tempting as it may be. Besides, I may be listening to cases for the next year to make up for this break." Moiraine disagrees gently.  

Siuan feels that if these planning sessions go on for much longer, they will need to set up an insomniacs club. The exercise helps, but it is far from a miraculous cure. Somehow it's not surprising to see Moiraine in the kitchen looking for solace after their emotional conversation. Siuan feels her heart clench when she remembers how many late nights they spent, just like this, studying for exams or dreaming about the future. The urge to kiss away those frown lines is almost overwhelming. Maybe that's why the words slip out. 

“I'm not talking about forever, merely a weekend. I don't think I could live in the abstract anymore, knowing if we could make a real effort at being together without ideologies between us. The truth is that you were my hope, love and future all in one. The definition of naive perhaps, but it's no less truthful." Siuan whispers, keeping her gaze forward. 

When she reflects on it later, Siuan wouldn't be able to say what motivates her to make the impulsive offer, aside from the fact Moiraine Damodred is throwing everything at her defence, despite knowing that Siuan still bears tremendous resentment towards her. It's hard to say what she would do if the positions were reversed, but it's hard not to resist the pull of Moiraine's nobility, which has nothing to do with her rank or birth right. Nevertheless, the woman serves justice so faithfully; it's one of the many things to love about her. 

"Look at that. You managed to talk about the future without making a single gloomy prediction about ending up being the most qualified bait shop owner in this hemisphere." Moiraine sounds positively thrilled at the concept. 

"Well, once you, Lan and the protegees set your mind to it, maybe some sort of future is possible. Mat is having the time of his life putting together the accounting and Nynaeve can quote my position papers better than I could when I wrote them." Siuan spares her a fleeting smile. 

"It breaks my heart to know that you genuinely thought this fight was yours alone. Things were bad between us, but I thought some truths were indisputable." Moiraine sounds as if she is struggling to fight against tears. 

"We have precisely the same problem, several decades apart. I mourn our lost time together much like I'll grieve the White Tower and the teaching legacy that will never be mine again." Siuan moves closer. 

"Siuan..." the words die when the other woman places fingers against her lips. 

"There is no sense in telling me otherwise. You may be a princess, but this is no fairy tale; even in the best-case scenario, our enemies gained plenty of ground. I'll never have complete respect again and I'm too arrogant to settle for anything less. 

The princess didn't get a kiss that night or any promises, but there was the faint sparking of hope. 

Chapter Text

"Life was a tempest, whether you were a milkmaid or a queen. The queens were simply better at projecting control in the middle of that storm."

- The Narrator, Ch. 43, 'The Gathering Storm', 2009.

Moiraine Damodred defines the term hypocrite. 

She isn't in a position to lecture Siuan or anyone else on living authentically or whatever the latest pop psychology term is these days. For the last fifteen years Moiraine has done everything possible to toe the line between being a member of the nobility and a champion for human rights and equality. Her uncle and elder brother may consider her the family rebel, but Moiraine is willing to wield the family influence. Unfortunately, such responsibilities leave little time or inclination to formulate her identity. 

"There was a time when I hated horses, even the stocky ones that my uncles and countrymen are so proud of breeding. It feels silly now, but it mirrors my feelings for you, in a way." A voice calls softly. 

They take a private plane back to Tar Valon only because it is traveling empty after a conference, and Lan feels the need to be extra conscious about security. Moiraine enjoys the room to pace, spread out her work and keep a respectful distance between them. They have made progress over the last week, but that doesn't mean they are entirely comfortable in close quarters. Moiraine tries not to react too strongly when Siuan offers a person insight without prompting.

"You hated me with a passion but finally came around to the idea of my usefulness?” Moiraine clarifies drily. 

Siuan sinks into the seat without any hesitation, smiling at the softness of the plush furniture. They are at the back of the plane while everyone else is having lunch in the front and discussing an upcoming election. Moiraine smiles and offers a packet of nuts. They sit in silence together for a few moments. Siuan eventually explains her point in a quiet tone that does not carry. 

"Horses are largely redundant creatures in the modern age, as they are high strung and demand expensive and specialised resources. They are flighty and temperamental unless you handle them right." Siuan begins carefully.  

"This metaphor is becoming more intriguing by the second. The monarchy is redundant, much like using equines as beasts of burden. " Moiraine teases gently. 

"It took me a while to realise that they are worth the effort and give as much as they take in resources, comfort and companionship. My uncles were right when speaking of them as wonderful and noble creatures. That nobility isn't a crime, it is just different from the life that a daughter of river understands." Siuan points out, flicking her screen to show the screensaver of her favourite horse. 

"Did you go through that same metamorphosis with me? or the nobility in general?" Moiraine keeps her tone light, but with an element of seriousness. 

"I thought I had, especially in that last year of school, when we were living together in all but name. You have earned every one of your achievements and still balance that out with your rich relatives and strange family tree. It wasn't enough to give you the benefit of the doubt or even the chance to explain when it mattered the most." Siuan leans against the seat wearily. 

"There are enough mistakes between the two of us to keep several therapists in black for a few years. Thank you for calling me for help; in the end, it means everything." Moiraine clears her throat.

"The list of people who I can trust is in the single digits, fewer who understand the nature of the personal implications. The next time we met, I would have done anything to appear strong and unaffected, with not a hair out of place… maybe at the Andor Ball. That fantasy was as foolish as believing the Red Queen's inclination toward letting old grudges die." Siuan groans softly. 

"You have plenty of time left to impress me and look wonderful at a charity ball, not that I don't have an attachment to your track pants and dressing gown collection." Moiraine mimics her posture. 

"Don't pretend you weren't playing the same games with me, tailoring all those long blue coats and beautiful jewellery to match your hair perfectly.”

There is nothing left to say and far too much history to cover in one brief flight, especially after managing to cohabit successfully for only a few weeks at best. Moiraine isn't naive enough to think that their respective pride won't get in the way of effective communication. The stay at the Sanche family lands was almost a brief respite from the real world, complete with reminders of the past and all their complexities. 

***

"I don't care about the cost."

"But the recipient in question will." Lan cautions. 

"Siuan Sanche's opinion of me remains as fickle as a Tar Valon spring. Bankrolling a few extra resources will be the least of my sins. If you need to, I give you permission to access the family trust, but try and avoid my sister's wrath if you will as they are still cross with me." Moiraine warns with a weary smile. 

Siuan is right; she will lose regardless, but there are still degrees. Moiraine knows that no matter if they do manage to salvage even a portion of her reputation, Siuan will still need something to base her professional life on; retirement just isn't in the cards. While Siuan is young enough to start over in a new career or type of law, the learning curve will be steep when her entire career is tied to a single institution. Moiraine hates the idea of her friend having to start again in such a competitive environment. 

"As you wish, Judge Damodred." Lan bows more formally. 

 Moiraine will fight for Siuan to get her wages and other financial entitlements, even if she has to take the matter to the highest employment court. Siuan Sanche values security and structure above almost everything else. Therefore, the fisherman's daughter is highly unlikely to protest that particular aspect of her advocacy. Lan is a great sounding board for these frustrations and agonies. He doesn't look any the worse for wear and the expression his face always resembles a mask. 

"I bet you wish that Siuan Sanche was a distant memory on our horizon, don’t you?" Moiraine asks drily. 

“No Never, Siuan Sanche is a friend to all who are willing to get to know her, including me. I would never begrudge you happiness in whatever form that takes.” Lan disagrees

“You only deny such joy to yourself when it comes to my most fearsome assistant?” Moiraine asks with a sad smile.

“I keep tell you those situations are entirely different.” Lan shakes his head and there is real pain underneath the light rebuke.

“I don’t see it, my dearest friend.” Moiraine points out yet again.

“That’s why you are still making your father proud, carrying on his legacy.”

***

"Judge Damodred, do you have an opinion on the recent speculation about your former classmate?" 

"My opinion on talking to the press spontaneously is that there's a more relevant point here. It feels good to be back in Tar Valon." Moiraine spares him an idle smile.

The situation at the White Tower isn't scandalous enough to draw national attention. Lan, Nynaeve and Rand carefully monitor the media and social networking sites, but things are calm after the first few rounds of insinuations and headlines. There is a general feeling that Elaida is biding her time. They seem to be awaiting the actions of Siuan and those loyal to her. 

The schism in the White Tower is real, but lessons continue. In addition, local press members are following the story closely, looking for any possible soundbite. Moiraine has enough experience to know that the press has its role, even when things get rough and the headlines unappealing. 

"Please give me something, Judge Damodred. Your story with Siuan is going to be told either way, at least find a friendly and respectable outlet." The argument isn't an unreasonable one. 

"It's not my story to tell. I'll be reading your articles with interest, Mr. Gladstone." Moiraine walks away quickly before he can comment. 

Moiraine straightens her shoulders and keeps her face blank as she moves through the campus gates. There isn't a crowd of reporters waiting for her, but that doesn't mean she won't stumble across three or four hiding around the campus. Many spaces remain open to the public and thus the press. Moiraine Damodred coming back to Tar Valon is of interest to some people, even if she has nothing overly interesting or useful to share. 

"You are the smartest individual in several generations of our family, but you cannot deal with what it means to be in a position of power. It doesn’t matter how many people you try and save." Her older sister repeats the point regularly. 

Moiraine pauses when she spots the imposing structure that never seems to lose its grandeur even when modern buildings spring up around it at an alarming rate. The architecture of the White Tower inspires buildings worldwide, including many in her homeland. The students racing around seem to be getting younger, but Moiraine knows that in reality it's her vanity talking and she’s getting older. 

"Judge Damodred, would you sign my copy of your book?" a voice asks shyly.

"Sure. I'm glad you are finding that collection of arguments useful." Moiraine agrees absently. 

"Are you kidding? You're the reason I want to enter the legal profession." The young girl gushes. 

***

Moiraine is not a welcome presence here. 

Senior management at the White Tower cannot deny her entry, no matter how much they would love to do so. Elaida's plans are not the only reason people are wary of Moiraine, Siuan and many of the others in their graduating class. Moiraine doesn't want to be in this place without Siuan Sanche waiting for her in that large but surprisingly simple office. Even when things were fractured with their relationship, Siuan was always a comforting presence. 

Moiraine's anger continues to simmer with every step. Perhaps it was a mistake not to let Lan or Nynaeve come with her. 

The 'Interim Dean’s' executive assistant does their best to put Moiraine off when she asks for the next available appointment. There is plenty of talk about scheduling and this being an exceptionally busy time. Still, even the most obstinate members of the board cannot ignore such an esteemed graduate entirely.

"I apologise for keeping you waiting, Judge Damodred." The secretary bows respectfully. 

Siuan and the rest were naive enough to believe that some trusted people might be open to persuasion. Unfortunately, Moiraine doesn't recognise this person. Their expression is blank and neutral as they lead her through the halls. Moiraine is tempted to say that she knows the way and a faster route but doesn't want to push her luck. Instead, Moiraine counts her steps as a matter of comfort. 

The conversation is not going well, but that's not entirely surprising. 

"The defence of your friend is admirable, Judge Damodred, but what you are saying borders on a serious accusation. You, of all people, should know the danger of such things." 

Moiraine Damodred is an expert at remaining expressionless in long meetings. It's a skill that she has perfected since childhood, not giving anybody insight into her feelings. The media back home has a field day with the strangeness of the Damodred Sisters who belong to the royal family, but are not in the direct line of succession. However, she cannot help the frown that briefly crosses her features. 

"I am defending the principles that this school has prided itself on for close to two centuries now, my connection to Siuan is secondary." Moiraine disagrees calmly. 

The small group of Siuan's allies decided ahead of this meeting not to reveal everything they know, nor actively investigate the key players. However, they also know that enough information in the public domain would draw Moiraine's attention. The new leadership may not want to take such meetings, but that is not the same as being surprised by her interference. Therefore, this first interaction is only to judge the lay of the land. Moiraine is not happy with anything she sees. 

"It seems to me, Judge Damodred, that you have benefited greatly from your time at this school and your continued association. However, this is the first time you have shown such an active interest in the budgets and elections," the Deputy Dean points out sharply. 

"Putting aside the seriousness of this situation, I pay all my dues as an alumna and attend all major events, not that these things should matter." Moiraine fires back with equal coldness. 

"We are willing to follow due process when it comes to your accusations and any permanent changes in the White Tower leadership." The same lie gets tiresome on repeat. 

Strangely Moiraine sees a flash of sympathy in the eyes of the eerily calm executive assistant, who is standing in the corner. She mentally resolves to see what she can find on the new supporting staff and see where they stand and how strong their ties to Elaida are when things are under pressure. Nobody is providing anything interesting or useful during this conversation. Moiraine decides to wrap things up before she loses her patience. 

"Thank you for agreeing to see me. Of course we have differing opinions, but I remain hopeful that we can continue this dialogue and reach a compromise." Moiraine says, standing up sharply.

***

A pawn is on the chessboard.  

"By the Pattern and all that is holy, what the hell are you lot doing?" Moiraine struggles to stay calm. 

Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan is not foolish enough to be anywhere near the grounds herself, but that doesn't mean her sympathisers are that wise. Moiraine knows this woman only vaguely as someone a few years behind her in school. Moiraine considers backing out and avoiding this confrontation entirely to make a quick exit. There is plenty of work to do after that horribly unproductive meeting.

"I do not think we should talk about such things, Judge Damodred. After all, everything is still under active investigation. Your position in this matter is clear to anyone with a smartphone or within 600 leagues after that argument." The woman says stiffly.

"Whatever Elaida promised you, this will not end well."  

It was a mistake to be sentimental enough to start walking down the halls, stopping at the library and a few gardens and green spaces. Moiraine comes across one of Elaida's oldest friends near her favourite water feature, she now works as a teacher. If there was any doubt about her identity, the fierce look of hatred is answer enough. It's odd because Moiraine can't even accurately remember this enemy's name. 

"How can you be this unbelievably arrogant? The White Tower deserves a chance to defend itself, you aren't the only one on the planet who can argue a point, Damodred. I'm surprised you didn't get lost here, you visit so infrequently. People can have a difference of opinion and not be the incarnation of evil. The White Tower still needs to stand for another two hundred years!" There is a fanatical glint in her eyes. 

"There is a gap between having philosophical differences and destroying someone's personal and professional life. There is no moral high ground with doxing and social media attacks." Moiraine insists, glowering, struggling not to yell. 

"I know nothing about that. The internet can be a harsh place for anyone, much less somebody as divisive as your beloved Siuan. However, it would help if you looked beyond  the many people you have aggravated in the past. If you would excuse me, some of us have an actual school to run. So feel free to run back to your courtroom and the mere seven cases you hear each year, Judge Damodred." The woman hisses angrily. 

After the confrontation Moiraine collapses onto the nearest bench, feeling all her anger and energy drain. The beautiful scenery fails to provide a soothing backdrop, but at least the tall trees and lovely flowers can be silent witnesses to her rage. Moiraine struggles to draw a calming breath before heading out. She’s not surprised when Lan materialises at her side. Her closest friend has an innate ability to sense of Moiraine's pain and difficulties. 

"That was foolish but do you at least feel a little better?" he asks in a neutral tone.

"No. But at least now I know for sure that Elaida is drawing her supporters from some mild quarters, and they genuinely believe in the rigorousness of the path. We suspected this already, but confirmation is never a bad thing. The highest officials would see the place burn before conceding that an overly ambitious noble may be in the wrong." Moiraine sighs while getting to her feet. 

"We should head out. There is little to gain from staying and sparking further speculation." Lan begins ushering her away. 

"We can't leave Nynaeve waiting. Do you have a date tonight?" Moiraine asks hopefully. 

"If that's what you call going through ten years’ worth of legal activity and clever shell companies established by your least favourite former classmate. Try to get some rest tonight, we have some long weeks ahead." Lan instructs gently. 

***

"Moiraine Damodred, I don't think I've ever seen you look worse and I have plenty of material to draw from on that subject." 

Alanna Mosvani doesn't seem surprised to see her old friend on the doorstop, nor does she attempt to shield the view of two gorgeous, partially naked men in the lounge. Moiraine opens her mouth to apologise and offer to come back later, but nothing happens for several long moments. Finally, Alanna's lovers are the ones to move, putting their clothes back on and rearranging the room. 

"I..." Moiraine begins around an impossibly tight throat. 

Its vaguely horrifying when she does nothing but start to cry, complete with the runny nose and heaving, convulsing sobs. Throwing herself into Alanna's waiting arms Moiraine sinks into the comfort. The other woman treats the gym like a holy place, and her arms are unbelievably strong. They stay that way in the doorway for several long moments. Alanna may live in an expensive apartment complex, but their neighbours are immune to the spectacle. 

"Love, can you start brewing some of that Carhenian tea we got for Moiraine last month?" Alanna calls out to the two men interchangeably. 

Moiraine lets herself stumble into the wide room, leaning heavily on her friend. Her cheeks are flushed in both despair and embarrassment. Alanna guides her to the plush couch and gently pushes the smaller woman down before moving into the kitchen, murmuring instructions to Maksim and Ihvon. Moiraine glances around the room, smiling when she recognises a few keepsakes from their time together in school. The photos and paintings are all bright and colorful.

Before Moiraine could get further embarrassed, Alanna returns with tissues and water. Moiraine struggles to say something, but the other woman shakes her head and opens her arms, pulling her in for a tight embrace and stroking her hair. Moiraine Damodred can't honestly remember the last time she let her emotions out in such an intense way. All her fears and insecurities come into play. Alanna provides a solid, grounding presence and rocks them back and forth gently. 

"Let me guess… things at the White Tower were horrible, and they are working on ways to give Elaida a face-saving excuse for her actions. You and Siuan are probably also circling each other while poking at old wounds. Is it all too much?" Alanna whispers against her hair. 

All Moiraine can do is nod. Her emotions are all over the place. Yet, something is comforting about the smell of Alanna's subtle perfume and her strong fingers as they make patterns against her back. After decades of confronting some of the worst injustices and people, the idea of finding such hostility from her beloved school is heart breaking. However, she still has a deep attachment to what the place represents. 

"There is no winning this case, only degrees of losing." Moiraine manages to say. 

***

"I wanted to marry her one day after we were well established in our careers. Do you want to know the pathetic reason I never told her that?”

"I am sure you aren't as much of a villain in my head, but yes, tell me anything you want, dearest Moiraine. You know I am here for you. Stay here with us for as long as you need, no questions." Alanna pulls her closer into the hug. 

"It’s clear that I interruped one of your scenes. You don't need to pretend that this is convenient." Moiraine disagrees while reaching for another tissue. 

Moiraine feels better after several cups of tea. Alanna listens thoughtfully as she haltingly conveys the last few weeks and their emotional toll. Finally, they sit together on the couch alone for the evening. The boys decided to have a night together instead. Moiraine makes a mental note to apologise for crashing the party to send them each a present.

"Oh, hush, I can play any time; we haven't spent any time together in at least a year. Now tell me the reason you and Siuan have danced around each other for years. Nobody could ever get the full story." Alanna waves her hand dismissively. 

"There honestly isn't much to tell besides what you have had a ringside seat for and me being a coward." Moiraine says quietly. 

"So tell me, why aren't you celebrating your 15th wedding anniversary instead of barely speaking between your passionate weekend getaways?” Alanna prods gently. 

"I wasn’t daring enough to find out if I could serve two life goals simultaneously. Everything I had went into getting good enough grades to attend the White Tower and shine there, complete with the demands on all my free time. Becoming a successful lawyer who fights against corruption defined my every moment. It’s comforting to say that Siuan is the same but the truth is..." Moiraine trails off. 

"You didn't give her a chance to find out either way." Alanna finishes, her tone full of sympathy. 

"Siuan gave her life to that school; she has even less life balance and social circles than I do, which is saying a lot. Even in the most hostile environment, a corporate restructuring shouldn't work to destroy somebody in every direction. Still, the leadership insists on hiding beyond the fiction that they are addressing 'legitimate grievances' while investigating potential criminal actions ‘unearthed’ during this smear campaign." Moiraine runs a tired hand through her hair. 

"Elaida doesn't have many true friends or allies. However, she does have an advantage when people in power are willing to allow her fiction. Is Siuan being cooperative with putting together a public statement?" Alanna asks cautiously. 

"She swings between deep despair and waxing lyrical about the seasons and her homeland. Siuan insists on taking me on a tour of her favourite sites, complete with waterfalls and picnics. We'll see what happens in the next few months." Moiraine smiles briefly at the prospect. 

"That's something to look forward to my friend. Can you even remember the last time you took a holiday that lasted more than 36 hours? Was your uncle still on the throne and your brother a half way decent human being?" Alanna asks sharply.

"Even as a woman in my 40s, my courage deserts me. All of my previous lovers, men and women, were of a similar ilk. They were nomadic by nature and devoted to their career or life's passion. So there is a real possibility that any life Siuan and I could possibly build together would crumble to dust, regardless of if we make our home in either Tear or a Cairhien province. Nights and weekends of sex with expiration dates were so much easier to handle." Moiraine sighs, looking at her friend for guidance. 

"Perhaps. But is the risk of destroying your relationship any worse than the strange orbit in which you exist right now? Where you move fluidly between passion and twenty years of grievances?" Alanna asks quietly. 

"It is if that means that Siuan Sanche is no longer a touchstone in my world, complete with a fierce temper and a stubbornness that rivals any mule." Moiraine confesses in a voice barely above a whisper. 

"I would lay money on the fact that the two of you will live happy and full lives fighting for justice together, no matter how unconventional your route is to get there. That may be the aspect that scares you the most, the idea of finding contentment that doesn't revolve around saving the world from dragons, Member of The Consitutional Monarchy Moiraine." Alanna likes to tease her with the correct 'title' sometimes. 

"I don't know why I'm processing all of this now. We haven't even started legal negotiations yet and Siuan is still in danger from additional cyberattacks. There is no point in worrying about future dreams or disasters." Moiraine tries to pull away. 

"Oh, stop sounding like a law professor and remember that two things can exist simultaneously. You came to me because the home I have with Maksim and Ihvon is a judgement-free zone, and I'm one of the few people who don't find your meteoric rise in the courts intimidating. So we will now have some chocolate and pancakes for dessert before heading to bed for ten hours." Alanna declares forcefully before standing up. 

"As the lady of the house wishes. Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" Moiraine asks, suddenly feeling vulnerable. 

"My bed is designed for two giant men with ridiculous genetics. However, the framing can handle your fairy-like proportions, Moiraine Damodred." Alanna agrees laughingly before slinging her arm over the other woman's shoulder. 

"If that hypothetical wedding had taken place all those years ago, you would definitely have been my witness." Moiraine says with a sad smile. 

"There is still time for me to look fabulous in a dress and the boys in matching suits. Now we are firmly at my threshold for sentimentality. Let’s have some fun for the night." Alanna states dragging her towards the kitchen. 

Chapter Text

 The Wheel is not hope, and the Wheel does not care, the Wheel simply is. But so long as it turns, folk may hope, folk may care. For with light that fades, another will eventually grow, 

"You were a hypocrite then and you are still one now. What eats at you most is that neither of you were wrong, you were merely standing up for different principles."

Siuan Sanche would accept such comments from very few people, but Lan Mandragoran takes the liberty as they train together. He intends to provide security at all levels, especially now that they are back in Tar Valon. Siuan still believes that this training process is completely useless. However, she still enjoys the physical workout and the ability to exhaust her overactive mind. The hours between 5 and 6am are theirs to watch the dawn. 

"Keep this up and you will be rivalling Alanna in the advice giving game." Siuan pants, while taking a quick break. 

"Moiraine was wrong to defend those princelings and use that particular information, but there is no guarantee that it was information that made the case.  You probably would have done the same if the princes let something slip to Moiraine." Lan explains calmly. 

"We’ve had this conversation before, Lan." Siuan reminds him wearily.

"Your anger wasn't misplaced then, or the months and years after. Now, that anger is singularly focused on Moiraine Damodred, when it is simply your profound distrust of the elite power structure that put you two on opposite sides." Lan continues.

"Do I need to pretend that everything is rainbows and sunshine? Fish guts Lan! You and Alanna should go into business together." Siuan snorts. 

"That is not what either of your apparent life coaches is implying. However, you need to figure out how long you want to pick at this scab. Do you see Moiraine as the same foolish young woman who did a terrible job communicating her needs?" Lan asks softly. 

"Are you saying that I am a young sandpiper too foolish not to see the same net, Lan?" 

"I am saying that people change in two decades; maybe let you should let your rage change with it, find a more worthy target. " Lan replies, gesturing to get back to the mats. 

"You of all people should know that the flipside to perseverance is the ability to hold on to things with a fierce grip. For the most part, it helps village kids make it in this world. One of the reasons Nynaeve al'Meara isn't falling for your noble sacrifices routine." Siuan warns before moving into a defensive stance. 

"Focus Siuan, we don't have time for diversions." Lan voice noticeably stiffens

“Says the man trying valiantly to patchwork a old tear in my emotional fabric.” Siuan tases with no real rancour.  

Lan is an expert at appearing emotionless, but that increases to an entirely different level when you needle him about the brilliant young lawyer who challenges his every advance. Siuan feels flashes of guilt for needling him, but figures that it is fair play based on  all of the discussions about her own romantic past. They are far from well-matched physically, but Siuan still manages to hold her own, moving her arms to protect her vital organs and keeping the stronger fighter off balance. 

***

Siuan should have considered these elements long ago. 

She honestly doesn't know what coming out means. A lifetime of devotion to her career meant that relationships were never a priority, nor was giving herself labels. She left that to the individuals running the advocacy and equality services. The people she met on the websites were equally invested in being discrete, so they never felt the need to ask questions or expect answers. As a result, there is an overwhelming amount of information available but no desire to sift through it. 

"Is ‘I don't know’ an acceptable answer?" Siuan wonders out loud. 

"You weren't very tolerant of that response with the young ones, but you'll need to give me some specifics before I can make a judgement call on your musing." A voice calls cheerfully. 

Alanna Mosvani is not somebody Siuan considers her close friend; but they are solid friendly classmates. However, she was never sure where she fell during the estrangement portion of their relationship. Still, when the other woman holds out her arms for a hug Siuan falls into the embrace. Alanna holds her up with strong arms and comforting words. Siuan feels the fresh sting of tears before pulling back to address the other woman. 

"I don't know what to say when people ask me about my orientation. I have always been privileged enough not to have to define it, now that people are trying to offer their opinions on the matter." Siuan explains with a helpless shrug. 

"Just because the internet is trying to say what they want doesn't mean you don't have the ultimate control over the narrative." Alanna says, leading them towards a park bench. 

"Says the woman who was brave enough to live your life even when people were running the gauntlet from invasive curiosity to degrading insults. At the time the rest of us were too scared to do anything but keep our heads down and study." Siuan points out before leaning back against the chair. 

"Hush now. I had plenty of support in being reckless, but burdens are different my friend. We will be with you during every step of this hell, no matter how hard Elaida tries to damage your reputation amongst current students and alumni. Your broken heart mended all those years ago and the same will happen after this. I speak from experience, you need to warn anyone who may feel the reach of Elaida's next attack." Alanna comments seriously. 

"Yes, anyone who could possibly be affected by these intrusions into their personal life has been warned or has unfortunately already seen it first hand and been in touch. Fortunately, no one has seen this as a golden opportunity to exploit me further, at least not yet..." Siuan agrees with a grim smile. 

"Well, since your relationship 'type' began and ended only with people who could live up to Moiraine Damodred's standards, no one would be foolish enough to get into this mess if they could possibly avoid it." Alanna gives her friend a look, daring her to disagree. 

"I wasn't that bad, Mosvani. I broadened my horizons in many areas; you can't accuse me of pining away." Siuan lets out an annoyed huff.

"No, what I'm saying is that sapiosexuality is an admirable trait and shouldn't be denied." Alanna demurs with an encouraging grin. 

"If only you were one of my resources on the topic, I wouldn't be such a bumbling idiot afraid of my own shadow," Siuan grumbles. 

***

The previous lovers she contacts are surprisingly merciful. 

If she can be said to have a 'type', it's ambitious and sharp; no matter if it’s women, men, or nonbinary individuals. A few contemporaries from her days as a clerk are nice enough to reach out and reassure her that they will not say anything or try to 'sell' their stories. Siuan feels sick that Elaida's revenge has such potential for collateral damage. Everybody seems willing to fade into the background and let the storm pass. 

"You are an excellent teacher and could do a keynote in your sleep, but this will be entirely different, not only because it’s a personal topic," Nynaeve begins while she shuffles papers.

Siuan spent most of her adult life supervising thousands of students, but she rarely sees many up close. Her impressions of Rand, Nynaeve and the others are positive for the most part. Questions like this are humiliating and degrading, but after several weeks of a similar pattern these approaches are easier to understand. This is going to hurt either way; at least there is some comfort in the preparation. 

"I think that message was clear when they sent over the questions that involve reference to my sexual preferences and other life choices." Siuan points out drily. 

"I doubt that they will stick to that script, particularly if we keep the focus on why these attacks are two entirely different elements and not relevant in the matter. We need you to control the narrative, regardless of what she tries to start." Nynaeve starts to pace. 

"Come on now. We may be in the glorious city of Tar Valon with its centuries of knowledge and learning, but that doesn't mean that the idea of a scandal, especially with somebody in power, won't sell. Ask me the questions now so I can prepare and then it might be a pleasant surprise if they don't. From one scrappy village girl to another, give me your worst." Siuan encourages, waving her hands vaguely. 

"Are you currently trying to impose a radical liberal agenda to attempt to destroy centuries of traditional legal scholarship?" Nynaeve obliges suddenly. 

"No. If you spend any time with liberal scholars, they will say that I am far from even meeting their minimal standards." Siuan replies flatly. 

"Irrelevant. What do you say to claims that you gave professors and teachers little choice by refusing to listen to their concerns?" Nynaeve presses further. 

"That they are all fish riot cowards." Siuan hisses.

“Siuan…" Nynaeve warns with a fierce scowl. 

"Fine. That I am not the ultimate say in the White Tower and this has never been the case. So there were plenty of opportunities to raise their issues with the Board of Governors." Siuan switches her tone obediently. 

***

"Do you want to hear something foolish and probably fifteen years or so overdue?"

Siuan isn't sure she likes this midnight confessional they fall into, but she tries to keep Lan's words in mind. Siuan misses seeing the casual Moiraine in pajamas rather than her formal judicial uniform or work clothing. Her fingers itch with the urge to run a hand through her tangled mess of hair. Instead, they raid the fridge and prepare large tea mugs. Moiraine is still graceful in putting the bags in her cup precisely the right way. Siuan has so many memories of similar moments before everything became too hard. 

"I can't say for certain that I wouldn't have done the same. Lan has bluntly instructed me to stop nursing grudges from my high horse like a fisherman hiding her magical fishing spot." Siuan manages a self-conscious smile. 

Moiraine has too much training to show her emotions, but Siuan recognises her micro expressions. They only appear when the other woman is under pressure, specifically when direct conversations about their past are unavoidable. Siuan can't avoid watching Moiraine's high profile cases when they are on TV. The serene mask she always wears is almost haunting. Siuan wonders how those people would view the famous judge right now. 

"Yes, but you would summon the courage to utter that handful of words you spoke about while we were riding, giving me some notice on the matter. Those were the gravest of my many mistakes in those last days." Moiraine looks at her hands grimly. 

"Perhaps that is true, but it wasn’t for an unjust reason. A newly graduated scholarship kid is terrified of judicial conduct reviews." Siuan quips.

"You  know that nobility is more about degrees of selfishness, right? I keep trying to tell you that our worlds aren't that different when it really comes down to it, including the mistakes we make." Moiraine says before briefly cradling her cheek. 

"You say that now. We are currently at an equal place in the law from the insular world of the White Tower. It would be a different story if you brought me home to the judgement of your Uncle Lamon and the court. It would be foolish to deny otherwise." Siuan leans into the touch. 

"Neither of us can claim bravery on behalf of our younger selves, but I sure would have liked the chance to prove your cynicism wrong countless times," Moiraine admits with profound pain in her tone. 

***

The chosen interviewer is as neutral as they come. 

Nynaeve and Lan spend hours debating the merits of each candidate, which is surprising. Finally, they select a fellow White Tower graduate who becomes a respected reporter. Fearne Neheran has an abiding love of logic and truth. She doesn't have any particular allegiances in the current situation. As far as Siuan can recall, their handful of interactions were friendly, not that it matters now. 

"Not that I am questioning your choice, but why Fearane? We know literally nothing about her or her politics. Wasn't she famous for leading one of the most controversial debates in Tower history?" Moiraine frowns in confusion. 

"Which is why we wanted her. We want someone who will push you but do it logically and with no hidden agenda. Part of the reason that we are in this mess is that many people believe the White Tower is beyond repair. Worse, that this schism should have happened years ago. The last thing we need is for people to believe the interviewer is your ally." Rand points out stoically. 

"People from the schools of Logic and Philosophy certainly have their biases. Chances are high that Elaida has more than few allies in that group. It’s a gamble to think differently, Rand." Siuan warns with a grim smile. 

"Put another way, this will be awful one way or another. At least we are trying to control some elements. Let's run through some of the key questions again. Pretend you are preparing for a keynote or something familiar if that makes you feel better." Nynaeve takes up the thread. 

"You can do this, Siuan. It’s just a few more times. We will have our answers soon enough." Moiraine keeps her voice soft and encouraging. 

***

"We need to do something with your hair." 

"So you keep saying. I will leave everything in your hands." Siuan says with a tentative smile. 

Moiraine insists on taking her to the intensive bathing pools. Siuan agrees that she hasn't prioritised looking after her skin or beauty routines for some time. As a result, her long hair is dangerously close to bird’s nest territory, even when she keeps it in a bun or ponytail. She wants to protest, but they enter the vast rooms together. Moiraine holds her wrist in an almost casual gesture that Siuan doesn't comment about at the moment. 

"I have made an appointment with the hairstylist this evening. We need to help you relax first. It may bring back fond memories from school." Moiraine seems equally nervous. 

Maybe they shouldn't spend personal time together, not when things are so tense between them. Still, Siuan is sick with nervousness about the interview and Moiraine is many things, but she is first and foremost one of her closest friends. So it is comforting to go through with the routine mechanics of signing into the venue and moving to a private pool. The expense is excessive, but Siuan is too tired to protest. Instead, she stops when she smells a familiar scent.   

"Where did you find that mixture from Tear? The shop discontinued it years ago, I have been in mourning," Siuan asks, drawing a deep breath. 

"My connections have some usefulness in the end. People back home specialise in restoring rare perfumes and scents." Moiraine smiles sheepishly. 

"Thank you so much. You didn't need to do that, especially as we are currently snapping at each other like dueling swordfish " Siuan steps into the water, walking down the steps slowly. 

"No matter where we are in our dance of denial, that doesn't mean I don't remember the little things. The Cairhienin do love their moments of vanity." Moiraine shrugs out of her robe before neatly folding it and placing it on a stool.

The bathing pools are a platonic tradition in Tar Valon; there is nothing romantic about this time together, nor do they look at each other through that lens. Siuan still feels self-conscious as her body bears the brunt of poor food and sleep choices. Moiraine will see a few more tattoos and markings that have been done over the years. She wishes they were in a place where she could make a joke about the experience. Instead, they settle into the pool. 

"May I do your hair?" Moiraine asks softly, her voice cracking with uncertainty. 

Siuan freezes for a second but turns her shoulders away from the other woman, letting her hair trail behind her. These movements were achingly familiar but hadn't happened in many years. Siuan feels her heart begin to race. There is a faint tremble in the hands that start to divide her hair into sections. Moiraine hesitates only slightly before beginning the process of working on the knots. Moiraine always did take the matter more seriously than Siuan herself. 

"Nobody will be analysing my hairstyle that closely, Judge Damodred. I am fairly generic when it comes to my Tairen features. Even the Sanche cousins can do little to tame it." Siuan cautions in a voice barely above a whisper. 

"I can't control or change any large things, including the potential outcome tomorrow, which is a novel and unpleasant feeling. By The Light, I'm even redundant amongst my own clerks, who are working like honey bees. Please let me have control over this one thing." Moiraine sounds like she is almost pleading. 

"I heard you were dating a rockstar for a while, did he make you happy?" Siuan asks out of the blue. 

"You need to get better sources, Dean Sanche. I was dating a moderately successful folk singer with ties to Andoran nobility. Thom was a lovely man, but our time was fleeting. We collaborated on research on historical justice cases, far from exciting." Moiraine chuckles. 

"Did you give him much of a chance? The option to stay?" Siuan asks, keeping her gaze on the bath house's ceiling. 

The question lies heavily in the air between them. Moiraine's hands are still for a second before she laughs softly, working on a particularly stubborn tangle. So it shouldn't surprise Siuan when her shoulders start to relax under the careful attention. All of the tension will return when they leave, but it's at least a brief respite. Siuan can't get around the tightness in her throat. 

"Don't believe the voices in your head, the ones with all the doubts and insecurities. Elaida has underestimated you before, and she will do so again. They aren't going to ask you anything that deviates from the fundamental truth. Social media is no place to settle a workplace dispute. I'll be right here beside you." Moiraine instructs seriously.  

"I would have been completely lost if you hadn’t picked up the phone, which wounds my pride almost as much as giving the Red Queen so much attention.” Siuan confesses. 

"Don't waste your energy on such a notion; I would always have come, as Eliada knew. So we share equal billing in terms of her hatred." Moraine jokes quietly. 

They stay in the bath for the next twenty minutes, longer than is advisable. Moiraine insists on weaving Siuan’s hair into her favourite braiding style. Siuan frowns when she sees the formal robes and outfits she will be expected to wear. They aren't her favourite, but the colour scheme and tones will fit best with the backdrop, or so says the team. 

***

"Thank you for joining me, Professor Sanche." 

"Good to see you again. I only wish it was under better circumstances," Siuan replies, doing her best to keep her face neutral. 

Everyone involved agrees that there is little sense in broadcasting this interview live. The citizens of Tar Valon may have an interest in the White Tower, but it is limited. The highlights and a couple of soundbites will be more than enough. The interview room is in a news studio, which feels both comforting and intimidating. Siuan suddenly regrets all of her clothing and accessory choices. 

"I was honestly surprised to hear about the White Tower turmoil. Your tenure was almost certain, at least for the next few years." Ferane raises an eyebrow and shuffles her notes on the matter.

"That makes two of us." Siuan says sardonically. 

Her supporters are lingering in the back of the room, holding their collective breath. Siuan focuses on the woman sitting across from her; willing her back to stay straight, even if her shoulders start to ache. Moiraine would be proud of her posture efforts, and Siuan is glad she went for that haircut. Nevertheless, she does her best not to touch her makeup or her simple necklace. 

"We are going to get into specific topics, but first off can you tell me what brought you here, Professor?" Farene begins, her voice turning into a professional one. 

"We are here because something that should have remained an internal employment matter has been made public. Simultaneously this individual weaponized several aspects of my personal life that should have no bearing on the matter." Siuan says bluntly. 

"You are referring to the attempt at a complete restructure of the White Tower leadership as well as the insinuations online about your personal life?" Farene asks directly. 

"It's a tradition in situations like this to say that my private life does not affect my ability to perform my role. While I steadfastly believe that, perhaps Tairen reserve fuelled the idea that shame would lead me to bend and break, that what I do in the evening hours would guarantee my voluntary resignation from a relatively conservative institution. They were wrong but the tactics were effective." Siuan delivers the words dispassionately. 

"Some of the descriptions and hashtags were quite graphic and intrusive." The reporter agrees slowly. 

"All while being grammatically incorrect and anatomically impossible. This might be offensive to someone of your sensibilities, Farene." Siuan agrees drily. 

"Are you levelling these charges against Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan and those who believe in her reformist movements?" The question is closer to a statement.

"First, I disagree strongly with your characterisation of her actions, but you will not get that as a sound bite. It has been a while since I practised law in the field, but I know enough not to encourage such open confrontation with a noble house that is famously litigious. 

***

The next move belongs to Elaida.

Siuan resents the fact that the other woman has such power. However, acknowledging that fact is unavoidable as she gathers outside the news studio with her supporters. They go out the back way to avoid attracting the attention of the waiting media, but they aren’t entirely successful. Several photographers happen to be loitering around the back, but Moiraine handles them with grace and they leave mostly happy. 

"Elaida will watch this and likely fume and overwater her beloved flowers. The trick is to see if it will be enough to get her to back down." Lan says thoughtfully. 

"At least she may have recalibrate now that she knows my private life isn't something she can dangle like a bait fish to a hungry eel. She is now more likely to up the ante and demonstrate that she has aces to play or whatever the appropriate metaphor is." Siuan agrees, stretching out her neck and shoulders tiredly. 

"At least now we have given something for the cowards that think they run the White Tower board to consider. I will monitor the feeds tonight and see if anything shifts dramatically." Rand says quietly, holding up his laptop. 

"Lan and I will start preparing the negotiation briefs for your next meeting with the interim Dean. Let's get everybody to remember that there are fundamentals of employment law at play now. We'll reconvene at 9 am sharp?" Nynaeve looks to the group for confirmation. 

"Nynaeve and Rand, you both realize that none of this is likely to go on your CVs or further your career prospects in a hyper-competitive field, right?" Siuan asks, looking at the group in wonder. 

"It's still the right thing to do, though. Isn't that what you always taught us?" Matt says with a lopsided grin.  

Moiraine and Siuan watch silently as the small group moves away into the night. Lan pauses to give them a questioning look before hurrying to catch up with Nynaeve. It feels strange to Siuan that she inspires such loyalty and commitment from these people without being in a position of power. 

"Come back with me to my apartment here in the city. Unfortunately, it gets used far too infrequently, and the cleaning staff despair of my ability to keep a house plant alive. Still, the guest room is passable, and it's next to the brush with something resembling a river to lull you to sleep." Moiraine offers while holding out a hand encouragingly. 

"Confirming rumours of our association might not be the best idea right now. If the next few days go poorly, you could sustain professional consequences." Siuan shakes her head and moves away. 

"I hate to break it to you, but the two of us are the only ones who think we are estranged, at least in the traditional sense of the term. My impartiality when it comes to you was gone the second you accused me of a having a flock of doves as attendants." Moiraine offers the words in a stage whisper. 

Siuan wonders if her burst of laughter will be a headline somewhere tomorrow. 

"Okay, Judge Damodred, let's be foolish together for old times’ sake." 

"I will classify this as good trouble," Moiraine says firmly. 

Chapter Text

The Wheel... does not care if you are young or afraid, petty or weak. It certainly doesn't care what you want. The Wheel calls you to this. Whether you can bear it or not. The Last Battle is coming. What any of us wants now is... meaningless. The only thing that matters... is what you do.

— Siuan to Nynaeve and Egwene, 1.06 The Flame of Tar Valon

Good trouble is surprisingly familiar and sweet. 

Siuan Sanche must admit that Moiraine has good taste even in the spaces she doesn't frequent often. As a judge, Moiraine Damodred was fashionable but rarely portrayed an over the top style that would befit her luxurious life as a princess. In all fairness, her oldest friend was never like that when they were students either, though many of her duties were not optional. 

This home wouldn't be out of place for many top-tier lawyers. Yet, Siuan has to smile at all of the photos of both the Damodred family and Moiraine's clerks and mentees throughout the years. She pauses to look at one of them on their graduation day; oddly, this is one where there is tension and distance rather than joy. Siuan frowns at the reflection of her younger self, she looks angerier than a pipefish on the docks. Moiraine looks a ghost version of pale. The graduation gowns don't do either of them any favours. 

"My interior designer thought that some personal touches might liven up the space. Alanna wouldn't let me get away with generic queer art. I figured it was best to reflect the reality of our situation at the time and then now." Moiraine explains, coming to stand beside her. 

"That makes sense given all of the times you debated against curated images of royalty and politicians. Still, we resemble the before picture on the student health warning video about not letting the university life overwhelm you." Siuan quips as she continues to gaze at the photo. 

"It's what we did, isn't it? Let all the hype and intensity of the White Tower inspire us to the detriment of all else? I have always thought that we were a cautionary tale illustrating that academic or career success does not mean everything." Moiraine points out musingly. 

"Perhaps, but you and I would bring the same qualities, good and bad, to a less contentious life. If we were like me, we would sit all day watching the tides for signs of schools of the fish that was in favour that season. We cannot blame the institution entirely, or even at all." Siuan disagrees, her attention still firmly on the image. 

"I would argue that we are a little young for such an existential crisis, but sometimes my bones feel like they belong to someone much older. Let me show you to the guest room. Stay here for as long as you need." It's hard not to hear the hopeful lilt. 

Siuan dutifully follows, sparing the rest of the place a quick glance. There are no more painful memories or keepsakes from their time together on display. Some of the art choices make her pause, with all their finery and bright colour. The Damodred name grants access to some of the best artists in the world; why wouldn't Moiraine take advantage of that? At least there is no glorified self-portrait to consider; Siuan wonders if they could fight on neutral ground if talking about such things. 

Their list of neutral topics has limits. 

***

Breakfast: Bananas and Balance 

The days pass surprisingly harmoniously, much to Lan's relief. 

Cohabitating with Moiraine in her 40s feels different and delicate. 

Siuan feels her heart skip when she walks into the open-concept lounge. Moiraine is sitting there, reading a newspaper with her open tablet. She is sporting the thick glasses that Damodred’s would never dare wear in public. This version of Moiraine is the noblewoman that documentary from so many years ago failed to capture; with all her grace, and in the most ordinary places. All of those expensive oil paintings wasted the opportunity, trying to make her seem like a perfect member of the Sun Throne. 

 It amuses Siuan that Moiraine is doing the same crossword they exchanged and argued over as students. Siuan can't remember the last time she did something so casual. Moiraine brings  a strange intensity to everything, including silly distractions. Siuan resolves to get a her a stack of crossword books for her next birthday. Whatever happens between them, there isn't much to read into that type of gift. 

"You should reconsider six down." Siuan says as she glances over Moiraine's shoulder. 

"Good morning. Did you sleep alright, now that you allow yourself to sleep more than two or three hours a night? Were you near enough to the tributary, Daughter of the River?” Moiraine asks while erasing the word in question. 

"Your pillows are suitably cloud like. I can't remember the last time I had such peaceful background noise, the river was just a bonus." Siuan agrees while taking the seat opposite. 

Siuan has to bite down the urge to say something that would be unforgivably sentimental in their current dynamic. Moiraine may claim that she hardly spends any time here, but there is a hint of her perfume in the sheets and the occasional item that brings back many memories. Siuan sleeps better after being around all those things again. Moiraine was always something like a touchstone, and the magic still holds in her surroundings. 

"Well that's lovely. if I ever get round to renting the place, you can write the first review. I understand that Lan has you on a fitness and self-defence lark. Do you want to go for a jog after breakfast?" Moiraine asks before gesturing vaguely to the path outside. 

"No, but being lazy now will only increase the pain when he changes the workout next week. So let's at least go around the block a few times. I will only go if you agree not to talk about work, the White Tower or the past." Siuan holds up a warning hand as she fights off a yawn. 

"Great. You can help me convince Lan to give Nynaeve and a relationship a chance." Moiraine stands up excitedly. 

"Are we really in a position to be offering such advice, with our collective experience?" Siuan asks warily. 

"Who else is that stubborn man going to listen to other than two of his oldest friends?" Moiraine reasons before moving over to the sink. 

"I think you may be overestimating our influence, but somebody should find happiness in this weird situation. Lan may figure all of this out without interference." Siuan predicts while reaching to gather the plates. 

"Perhaps, but that doesn't mean we still can't nudge him in the right direction; hard if we need to.” 

Siuan hides a smile when they spend more time talking than challenging themselves physically. It almost feels like the times they lagged behind Alanna while she was leading the fitness boot camps at school. There are also (predictably) no great revelations regarding helping with the Nynaeve and Lan situation. Lan has such a deep sense of duty right now, and so many ghosts haunting his sense of honour. 

"Come and watch the kites with me? At least while the arrogant teenagers finishing racing?" Moiraine gestures to the park across the road. 

Siuan wants to protest that it’s waste of time, but the kites do look beautiful against the sky, with a bright mix of colours and decorations. It seems like this is game is marking a festival, in her isolation she hasn't paid attention to the social calendars in several months. Moiraine seems so excited by the prospect that it isn't so hard to follow her outside and sit on the bench. The dances in the sky are comforting. 

***

The Work Routine: Comfortable Silence 

Strangely, Siuan doesn't feel the urge to follow social media. 

Moiraine has an office with an extensive collection of fiction and law textbooks. Siuan feels strange sitting in the window seat watching the other woman sign paperwork. However, it makes her smile when she sees the familiar neat script with the loopy 'e'. Moiraine has both professional and personal stationery. In addition, there is a collection of pens and stamps. 

"Do you have any desire to write a book? Maybe a legal one, or a thriller?" Moiraine asks with a teasing note in her voice. 

"You are the bibliophile amongst us, Moiraine, not me. I have no desire to read thrillers, much less write any. Besides, I am a professional administrator; somehow, I don't see anything that I write becoming a best seller." Siuan laughs, gesturing to the bookshelves.  

"The White Tower has more than enough secrets and scandals to launch the career of several authors. It would be worth considering if you want a life on the sea. Not that I don't expect you to have the opportunity to return to the tower in a blaze of glory." Moiraine is quick to add that last part. 

"You had better not be getting Rand to put together promo music with a background orchestra. You don't need to say that at every meal and opportunity. I get the point that you have faith in the system." 

"I have faith that for all of the differences in our lives now, your fundamental character is not so different that these allegations have an ounce of truth. You would bring that ferocity to any second career as well." 

"Even you can’t deny that I was and remain a legal scholar who did not remain apolitical, even when the best course of action was remaining neutral for the sake of the school. The scholarship expansion in particular comes to mind. Elaida gained several of her allies with surprising honesty." Siuan gives her friend a wry look. 

"True, but ideological disputes have been used as weapons in places of knowledge before, usually with disastrous consequences. You are not the cause of this nightmare." Moiraine argues again. 

"Tell me about my third and fourth career options, Lady Moiraine, if I don't have an aptitude   for turning my world into fiction. Will I become a competitive deep sea angler or a commentator on an obscure legal streaming service?" Siuan asks, wanting to change the topic.

"Nothing you have ever done could cause you to fall into obscurity, my friend. No matter how much I respect your roots, I don’t see you living life as a fish monger." Moiraine cannot help laughing. 

"I am still interested in hearing what you envision, my friend” 

***

Lunch: Lyrics and laughter 

"You don't need to stay here and babysit me, Moiraine. I'm not going to be scrolling the feeds to my detriment. There are years-worth of books for me to read in this room alone."

Siuan makes the observation for altruistic reasons, which perfectly fits the circumstances. But, of course, few people have ordered Lady Moiraine Damodred to do something since she left the Sun Court. It boggles the mind to think how much work is piling up for the legal official, especially with so many of her team working so diligently on Siuan's defence. On a personal note though, it’s difficult to fight the tension of unresolved feelings. 

“I don’t have any cases on the books right now, remember? So I have the time." 

"Did I miss the part in law school where we only work during trials?” Siuan asks sardonically. 

“No, but Elaida was unintentionally considerate with her timing. One case was ending, and an opinion piece I am writing isn’t due for a while yet. My seat on the human rights court isn't so high that it can't stand a little disruption." Moiraine reflects with a soft smile.

Moiraine looks up and gives her friend an engaging smile, taking off her glasses and folding them neatly. For the first time, Siuan notices the greying hair at her temples and the lines she doesn't even bother to hide with some sort of expensive makeup. The lighting in this place is as soft and beneficial as always. There is something peculiar about seeing her in such a casual environment. It's getting harder for Siuan to remember that these are and should remain fleeting moments. That true 'do overs' are only a plot device used in bad movies and novels. 

"Disruption should be your middle name, not whatever fancy titles being part of the Sun Court gives you in the event of various relatives' deaths. You certainly succeeded in doing that to my life." Siuan cannot help but joke. 

"That chances of such inheritance is exceedingly small considering how deep my uncle's grudge runs. All of the glory was reserved for his son. We are a double insult to him, being girls without true rights to the throne or at least a crown in how he claims it. Besides, my father was firm that he would forge a different path for his second family." Moiraine says with a reflective smile. 

"The legal profession is better off for it that decision, my friend. Alanna never had any trouble assigning us nicknames and pointing out other identifying characteristics." Siuan replies. 

"I was rather partial to your fish metaphors and analogies; there was always an endless supply. Am a good disruption in your life, Siuan, or the opposite?" Moiraine asks earnestly. 

"Even with the wages of sin and firmly out of balance status, you were always be a good, even great disruptor in my life, Moiraine of House Damodred. Your uncle was the biggest fool in a family that would have many competitors for that title." Siuan reaches out and brushes away a stray strand of hair. 

"Then if that remains the case the rest can be conquered with relative ease, even with Elaida working to weaponize our past." Moiraine wraps her hands around her tea mug. 

"I see your mother's efforts at teaching you the value of a poetic line and a touch of flattery aren't entirely lost through your years of legal practice. Though, it’s possible that she would disagree with you on that count. Your years of nomadic rebellion was the stuff of legends. I'm sure some blame was directed my way."

"Perhaps, but mainly I thought it was about time I lived up the title of 'rebel princess' before settling down to an academic life where my sole defiance belongs to the written word. Not nearly as fun when baiting my uncle, I’m afraid." Moiraine confesses with a wicked grin. 

"Don't you worry that having such enemies is unwise, whatever the satisfaction? Your brother and his family have plenty of influence, especially when it comes to Andor and the surrounding regions." Siuan frowns. 

"Those old grudges do not carry the same sharpness as the current one with Elaida. So let's deal with one issue at a time. The complexity of the Sun Throne is a familiar shadow that can wait a few more years, especially now my nieces and nephew are of age." Moiraine dismisses the conversation with a wave of her hand.  

***

Afternoon Tea: Communication Lines 

"Do you think I should speak to Elaida directly? give her the opportunity to air her grievances?" Moiraine asks softly. 

Siuan will always be the scrappy scholarship kid who wants to see vengeance done. She loves the idea of Moiraine striding into the room and taking down all of the members of this rebel faction. However, a few are fiercer than her former lover when offered a righteous cause. Aside from the practicalities, it's a high risk situation for a high-profile judge with many cases to oversee. 

"What would that do, except widen her targets and heighten her efforts against you directly?" Siuan asks with a sad smile. 

"Her hatred of you is largely the result of your association with me. Perhaps it would at least stop the personal side of her attacks?" Moiraine asks quietly. 

Siuan snorts at the older woman's naivety in thinking that such an action would make any difference at this stage. They have both seen the slogans and slander. Elaida seems to have a laser focus with no ability to see reason in her single minded quest for revenge. The old adage about digging two graves appears to apply in this situation, A tiny part of Siuan feels sympathy for the woman who is so desperate for power, even in an age where an 'average' legal career can net one profound riches. In the end though, she is simply a foolish magpie distracted by shiny things. 

"Elaida's hatred started with many roots that grew more thorns and prickles with every year that passed. No person puts such attacks in motion if all they want to do is to humiliate their rival. We could become sellers of Cairhienin Tea and Tear fish, respectively, and she would still want us to burn." Siuan predicts with absolute certainty. 

"But you shouldn't face this alone..." Moiraine tries again.

"Thanks to you, Lan and the rallying of the troops, I have never been less alone. A strong rope is holding me steady in stormy weather. This isn't my best metaphor, but it should be worth at least a half-smile." Siuan smiles encouragingly. 

"I reserve the right to re-evaluate our strategy if Elaida says or does something where direct intervention is the better plan." Moiraine cannot help but return the smile, but there is still worry there. 

"People in your immediate orbit learned quite some time ago that going up directly against your stubbornness is futile, especially when it comes to matters of honour and truth. It’s what makes you so excellent in your position." Siuan agrees with a quick nod. 

"Also how I manage to trample most of the significant relationships in my life, as they crumble under the pressure of my principles. My eldest sister came up with that one while scolding me for missing her son's birth." Moiraine gives her a strange and searching look. 

Siuan doesn't yet know how to meet that gaze that is holding implication of past regrets. They circled year other for years, having wildly passionate meetings because it was far easier than dealing with emotional engagements and ensuing pain. Moiraine, like her version of a fisherman's favourite tale, is the one that got away.  However, she has remained in her heart, coming out at sad and reflective moments or over a bottle of wine.

"That more likely has something to do with you giving frequent lectures on the controlling birth rates and advising nobles to have fewer children to try to avoid dynastic clashes.”  

***

Dinner: Caretaking Moments

Siuan enjoys going to the market to buy the freshest fish. 

Moiraine shyly requests the meals they shared while studying for exams. The particular fish are a little out of season, but Siuan doesn't mind the haggling. It feels almost normal to be in this position. Heck, she loves the idea of coming home to this woman. Despite her  conscious efforts to forget Moiraine and find other lovers, slipping back into the routine is so easy. 

Somehow, she never manages to lose the muscle memory for preparing the correct tea or toast. Whoever said university relationships were forgettable never went to the White Tower or met the Damodred in question. This house is nothing like that great, intimidating place, but it's still easy to fall into an intimate routine. 

"I hated you for taking away my favourite teddy bear, in the guise of a thought exercise." Siuan confesses while filleting the fish. 

"Do you care to expand on that metaphor, Professor Sanche?" Moiraine asks while slicing and dicing carrots. 

"Somehow, I believed that our differences would never become an obstacle to our happiness. You would campaign for justice, wanting to leave the playing field for everyone else. No matter how idealistic or ridiculous your ideas were I started to believe." Siuan laughs bitterly at her naivety. 

"Why is that such a strange and fanciful dream? It sounds reasonable enough to me." Moiraine asks in a gentle tone, turning from the vegetables. 

"Because I wanted a fairy tale when I'd already seen behind the glitter and the glamour. You never hid who you were, right from our first day together as students. You will defend anyone that needs it and your principles mean everything to you, regardless of what happens in your personal life. There is a literal documentary explaining all of this to me, in technicolour," Siuan waves her hands in frustration. 

"What are you saying...." Moiraine sounds truly lost. 

Siuan rarely misses the hard work of her upbringing but something is comforting about having a mindless task to focus on while she gathers her thoughts. If she looks directly at Moiraine her feelings will surely spill over, and she won't be able to blame any onions for the resulting emotions. Instead, she makes several deliberate cuts waiting for her hands to stop trembling before continuing the emotional conversation. 

"I am saying that our estrangement was a result of both foolishness and pride that got us nothing in the end, because I was stupid enough to believe in a fairy tale," Siuan says while staring at the chopping board. 

Siuan feels her shoulders tense when Moiraine stands behind her; the steadying hand on her back is familiar but isn't comforting in this moment. They stay this way for a while; Moiraine knows well enough not to try to get Siuan to talk before the other woman is ready. Some part of Siuan knows that she hasn't felt in control for the last four months, but that is beside the point. 

"What was the alternative?" Moiraine challenges tenderly. 

"Fish guts. I don't know, Moiraine. At some point during the last 20 years, I recognized through my logic skills and determined that your actions were the predictable result of circumstance, rather than a personal attack against me. Lan was right about that, along with everything else." Siuan leans back into the touch. 

"Even if that were true, I hardly made the most compelling case for redemption with my remarks and barbs on the matter. Besides, you are speaking like it was entirely a waste. We still managed to maintain a link and have opportunities in the future." Moiraine rests her head on Siuan's shoulder. 

"Let's have dinner. My father will haunt me if I let this fish go to waste." Siuan bites her lip to stop the tears. 

"We will have our time, Siuan. I believe that we were both foolish and idealistic students, and nothing about this situation has changed that conviction." Moiraine whispers, but she turns her attention back to the salad. 

The conversation is sad and reflective, but really, there is too much-shared history that is pleasant. There is something to be said about friends who are reaching milestones, while not changing direction. It makes Siuan realise how out of the loop she is with many of the people she confided in; maybe her calendar should look a little different after this is all over. 

****

Alanna interrupts their debate during dessert. 

"I am filing a petition to bring back the idea of duelling for the sake of honour and dignity. That woman is completely high on her favourite floral perfumes." Alanna growls as she stalks into the room. 

"Hello, Alanna. Lovely to see you." Moiraine quips drily. 

Alanna pauses long enough to survey the two women and the room. She looks like she has run the 10 or so miles to the apartment. The tall woman is in workout clothing at a light rain jacket. Of course, that is no indication of any urgency. Their former classmates and her lovers like to challenge themselves physically with a strange reward system that doesn't bear scrutiny. Siuan feels her muscles ache at sight, tensing for the next blow.

"Oh fish guts! I hate her a thousand times more for interrupting your great seduction efforts, Judge. Alanna hisses, waving the remains of their dinner. 

"Alanna!" Moiraine exclaims in a sharp tone. 

"How in the heck do you precede over some of the highest courts in the land when you blush so easily on that doll-like skin, Moiraine Damodred?" Alanna marvels giving an affectionate shrug. 

"Can we get to the point of why you ran here? I assume it isn't to make jokes about my dining companions or complexation. Elaida using more unsavoury tactics is far from newsworthy." Moiraine says archly. 

"No, but she’s lining up several influential students to testify about Siuan's favouritism and agenda-driven teaching. This lineup includes several of your distant cousins, Moiraine. They are claiming to have both photographic and video proof of said actions. The demands are ridiculous, but Maksim has a friend in one of the conservative legal societies, and they could make a case to have them dismissed." Alanna explains with a fierce scowl. 

"How did Maksim get this information, Alanna?" Siuan asks sharply. 

"We have contacts in the right places. We need to get ready; I've bought us a few days or maybe even a week if we are lucky. Let’s talk strategy over whatever dessert you have in the oven, Moiraine." Alanna declares while leading the way into the room. 

There is no point in arguing with their long-time friend. Moiraine reaches out and takes Siuan's shaking hands. 

Chapter Text

"Stories have power. Gleemen's tales, and bards' epics, and rumors in the street alike. They stir passions, and change the way men see the world." 

• A Winter's Heart 

Siuan Sanche decides to get blind drunk to mark the occasion. 

Generally speaking, the former dean cannot claim any wild or reckless moments, at least none that resulted in abdicating her responsibilities. So mischief with Moiraine was set about in the evening and weekend hours. The exceptions happened when they were standing up for justice or getting into the good kind of trouble. Part of her overall duty to responsibility first and foremost comes from her childhood supporting her single father in the fishing industry. This weekend and tonight are exceptions to the rule. 

"We can find better drinking establishments than this one, my friend. Something better suited to your...tastes." Alanna says the last part dubiously. 

Everybody in this little gathering knows that her preferences are the last thing on Siuan’s mind at this time. Alanna Mosvani accepts many things and often praises people for pushing their limits. However, it seems she draws the line at letting friends drink themselves into a stupor. There was no point in trying to avoid her, so it became a party of four. Maksim and Ihvon were hulking protective presences, like the brothers she had never had. 

"My entire life has been built on being a wordsmith and dismantling arguments including some of my talks, even when viral. Whatever Rand tries to explain in his lectures on marketing appeal fly over my head. Do you know what I am reduced to now?" Siuan asks before taking an even longer drink. 

"Tell us." Alanna urges before signalling for more food. 

"Yes, we can argue about your self-assessment after we force you to drink several litres of water and clean out that supply of painkillers." Ihvon says, amiably enough. 

"I am now that daughter at her first fish market, trying to sell her father's wares. Doubt is my constant companion; every interaction seems like it could have multiple meanings. I barely remember talking to even half of the people on this list, much less leaving a lasting impression on them. This debate champion now has a stammer." Siuan throws up her hands in disgust.

"Siuan..." Alanna breaks in gently.

"What kind of defendant will I be if I can't recount the last twenty years in succinct one-liners? Elaida will be revelling in the idea of bullying me as an adult." Siuan predicts with a heavy sigh. 

"Elaida gloats at any opportunity, real or imagined. What you are describing is being human with some failings." Ihvon rambles softly.

"There are a couple of things to remind you of this point, if we can fit them in between drinks and self-pity. First, you are not the lawyer in this situation; other people will be arguing with the one-liners. You will have time to recover before staging a comeback." Alanna wraps her arm around Siuan’s tense shoulders. 

"Can we stop agonising and keep drinking?" Siuan pleads softly. 

Siuan is positive that her friends will start watering down the drinks or switch to alcohol-free. She can't muster up the energy to be angry with the betrayal or even to comment on the matter. Alanna keeps light chatter going before they make a group decision to escort her home, carefully listening as Siuan rambles. Thankfully, nobody argues with her anymore. 

She has vague memories of Moiraine tucking her in and pressing a tender kiss against her forehead. 

***

Twisted Idealism 

After several decades of teaching, there is plenty to review. 

Alanna’s  networks of spies aren't perfect. Rand isn't picking up anything major on social media, but the scraps of information are enough to have everyone bracing for impact. Siuan can feel the creeping numbness that her therapist assures her will be temporary. Still, not feeling is preferable to trying to contain the urge to cry and rage. 

"We have a good shoot at convincing the Judge to hear an expedited case at the employment tribunal. The White Tower provides too much income for them to seek a messy and prolonged resolution. Elaida is wearing on the patience of those outside her inner circle." Moiraine declares from the front of the room.

"I thought the whole point was the danger posed by how many people are in that mystical place of her unhinged philosophy?" Siuan asks with more than a little bitterness. 

Everybody knows she is nursing a hangover, but no one would be foolish enough to comment. 

"Yes, but her personal attacks are getting boring and losing their appeal." Rand explains without looking up from his computer. 

"At least it’s good to know that the destruction of my life has started to feel stale for the adoring public. Maybe they will stop staring at me in the street as an added bonus." Siuan glowers fiercely. 

"What Rand means is that there is a hunger for resolution from the official corners. There are avenues for us to strike back now that she is demanding a hearing. The pressure falls on them, not us." Nynaeve steps in to play the role of peacemaker. 

"Does that mean going through every aspect of my professional life with a microscope again for a brand new set of legal officials?" Siuan asks with dread. 

"We have enough information from the first round, but we will need to have several interviews to explain some key principles." Alanna says gently. 

"Because talking is going so well for me at the moment." 

***

Academic Agendas 

Siuan is failing at her mock interviews and depositions. 

"What are they trying to prove with this move? What are you..." Siuan begins again. 

Siuan has had an ‘academic agenda’ ever since graduating high school. The White Tower didn’t do anything beyond cementing those beliefs. The people that hired her knew these principles when they gave her a generous package and contract. Only somebody as manipulative as Elaida could make people feel like they were tripping over a 'new' discovery.

"There is no pressure here Siuan. We can be here as you need. Would you like to take a break?" Matt asks with uncharacteristic seriousness. 

The truth is that Siuan doubts any amount of rest will stop the pressure in her chest and the difficulty in explaining different points of both the law and her decisions from so many years ago. It's seemingly impossible not to see the spectre of Elaida and her narrative of Siuan being unworthy of her position. Confidence was never something that Siuan lacked until this moment. Her sense of self-worth drifts away like mist on the breeze. 

"No, I want to keep going." Siuan says with determination. 

The next few attempts don't go much better. Siuan knows what she wants and needs to say, but all her words disappear when it comes to execution. It doesn't matter how friendly, gentle or understanding the questioner is in this moment. Somehow, these rounds of accusations feel different from the original difficulties and troubles; now that there are witnesses and fragments of memory from other points of view. 

"Can everyone leave us for a while?" Moraine asks, glancing around the room. 

Siuan regards the other woman curiously as she takes the seat opposite, carefully rolling up her sleeves. For a second, it reminds Siuan of their time in school preparing for debate club. The exception is when Moiraine reaches out a hand and stops Siuan from clenching hers. It's only then that she realises that they ache from the tension. Together they take a few moments to regain a sense of peace and control. 

"You will do these things in front of me, just like we did back in the dorm. I'll even owe you a cupcake." Moiraine whispers eventually. 

Siuan cannot help but smile. 

***

Stumbling Students 

"We have some of the best people in the world in your corner, Siuan." 

Things are getting better; Moiraine's confidence trick seems to be working. Siuan almost wishes that people she doesn't know would stop trying to comfort her. Chances are high that she taught some of them or their older siblings. Chances are even higher that Elaida finds witnesses with enough incentives. Unfortunately, the best-case scenario still involves dragging everything into the line. There are a small group of people who still support her both in the background and in the courts. 

" Ever since we were students, Elaida could say the same lies, and get away with them either through genuine friendship or, more likely, paid retainers. There will be people willing to gain influence for their family name." Siuan warns. 

"Not to mention she has a fair amount of support from people who simply want change. Still, we have the stronger case on purely legal grounds, stripping away all the emotion and scandal." One of Nynaeve's friends insists. 

"You mean the occasional gay club scene, which has somehow turned into a nightly occurrence and a source of great temptation?" Siuan asks with a humourless smile. 

"It's been a good 50 years since that was a factor to consider in a legal context in any land, much less in Tar Valon. We can use such vitriol to prove the ulterior motives that undermine her 'legitimate' concerns about the future of the White Tower." Leane says in her typically calm and lyrical voice. 

Some of her oldest friends insisted on being here for witness statements and moral support. Siuan lets the other woman grasp her hand tightly. The lawyers allow certain leniency to people that are in their profession. Leane is a calming presence for everyone in the room, complete with baked goods she provides. 

"Your friend is right, we aren't going to let her team go down too many rabbit holes. Nothing in your private life should interest this judicial panel. I know it may seem different when you are dealing with pressure from the media." Her head lawyer is compassionate and gentle. 

"I can't face a courtroom or live deposition." Siuan confesses, squeezing the hand in a vice grip. 

"That's okay, Siuan; we have recordings. We can make a case for keeping the status quo." Somebody agrees easily enough.

Siuan hates the fact that people are working so hard to protect her like she is a fragile willow sapling.  

Siuan keeps her attention on Moiraine, sitting opposite her, acting like a touchstone and compass. During their different career paths, the former roommates became experts at hiding their emotions and difficulties. Now Siuan feels raw and exposed, and she suspects she is showing everything on her face. Moiraine does nothing but briefly glance at her before turning her full attention back to the centre of the room.  

***

Favouritism 

Siuan dreads the next development but feels a strange curiosity. 

All teachers have favourites, whether they admit such weakness or not. Siuan has more talent for administration the true teaching, but Elaida would find that weak point to push. From Siuan's point of view, she was responsible for protecting all of the young minds that come through the school and the budget that allows such excellent resources and teaching material. Individual faces tended to blur once she was on the fast track for administration. 

"How often have you fallen out of a fishing boat or gotten tangled in a line?" Nynaeve queries while reviewing documents. 

"More times than needed to warn the village children not to get complacent with the river in high season. Is there a point to this metaphor or are you trying to comfort me with our shared childhood guided mainly by the elements? Things must be dire in your nightly conferences,” Siuan asks with sudden weariness. 

Nynaeve al'Meara would be a favourite, or at least she would have been if the former village counselor didn't view her with such overt suspicion and hostility. Nynaeve did most of her training outside of the main White Tower campus; so it would be curious to know the beginnings of her story. What makes her brittle with everyone but her young charges and Lan in those rare moments when they aren't at odds?

“Gloomy indeed, but that's not why I am asking the question. I am trying to figure out why you act like the title before your name or your mystique as a remote queer icon is your last hurrah before your arthritic bones give out." Nynaeve sounds as if the notion vexes her. 

"Elaida has a witness list a mile long and is one bad day away from accusing me of having a lover on every continent and using them to trading influence." Siuan waves her hands angrily. 

"Of course she is, and it will only get worse from here. You are missing the point. There is no such thing as a rock bottom. There wasn't in our small village when people died from treatable illnesses or when pollution wrecked Tear’s fishing points for most of your childhood." Nynaeve states angrily. 

“What the hell are you trying to..” Siuan begins. 

"When that happened and people said that people like us would never make it or amount to anything beyond the bounds, we did. Why does Elaida have the right to take away such hard-won dignity?" Nynaeve asks while running her hand through a still neat braid. 

"You have some nerve..."

"Everybody else you let close to you is either afraid of you or too sad at the current circumstances you find yourself in. Somebody needs to remind you that life doesn't begin or end on the opinions of others." Nynaeve keeps her voice quiet and even. 

"That's easy to say when it is not your name out there with so much conjecture and lies." Siuan insists while feeling her back stiffen. 

"I was that person once, complete with accusations and rumours. The foundling child of disaster, who was too difficult for state services and most fosters." Nynaeve says, her voice just above a whisper. 

Siuan knows enough about this proud young woman to see that she doesn't want platitudes or comfort. 

"My parents' only goal was for me to survive, leaving me with those words of myth and fable. " We shall go into the land so our children can always hold us and will never be alone." I faced loneliness and survived until finding community in the Two Rivers. You will do the same." Nynaeve explains with a strange edge of prophecy. 

"Is that pretty way of saying I shouldn't act like a young one trying to sail their first raft and face the storm with the conviction of a captain?" Siuan asks with a teasing smile. 

"Make your metaphor; there is work to be done. Judge Damodred will be assigned new cases soon and I want to be ready for her court to run smoothly." Nynaeve dismisses this conversation with an authority beyond her years. 

"You are a credit to survivors anywhere, Nynaeve al'Meara. It's no wonder that Moiraine champions your future and Lan has hope for the first time in many years." Siuan chooses the last point carefully. 

Nynaeve doesn't bother to respond to such sentimentality. 

***

Fact and Fiction 

The narrative turns out to be creative and convincing. 

If Siuan didn't live these events, she might fall for it, at least a little. But instead, this idea of her as a reckless ideologue treats the hallowed institution like a kingdom. She is painted as a person who refuses to listen to dissenting voices and gives staff members little choice to rebel. If Elaida has her way, this will become a movie complete with a villain hiding in the White Tower.  

"You don't need to watch these lies. The representatives we hired at best in their respective fields, you will get your chance to speak.” Lan offers from the doorway. 

Siuan can't say for sure why she is watching the deposition of a student she barely remembers. The young woman is now the legal representative of the biggest advertising company in Elaida's home town, which explains her presence. Siuan hides in a distant part of the courtroom listening to the closed feed. 

"Do you know I've been watching Moiraine in court for years, any time there was a feed available? It's interesting to see some of her protegees at work." Siuan says idly while keeping her eyes on the screen. 

"There is a certain Damodred flare and signature, that's for sure. But, if you trust nothing else, believe Moiraine wouldn't trust any subpar litigators with this task. If it were in her power, she would argue every moment." Lan comes further into the room. 

"She always was a fan of grand gestures. I am pleased that hovering over and offering conjecture about my life is a bonding exercise for you and Nynaeve. You could try dating her or, heck taking her home to your ancestral lands with that ring from the monarch of Malkier." Siuan suggests giving him an arch look. 

"What exactly do you mean?" The voice carefully lacks inflexion. 

"She had some interesting metaphor that boils down to me forgetting the fundamental rule of subsistence living, that anything can destroy your life instantly and that survival is key to all else. I forgot to appreciate the safety net of strong ropes." Siuan explains with a weary half chuckle. 

"That explanation seems apt as any, but she doesn't know that length to which you went to serve and nurture this one dream. It was your proverbial mythical creature." Lan muses thoughtfully. 

"She was being her typically overconfident and disappointingly reductionist self in drawing such conclusions. Still, there is merit in remembering that my roots are stronger than a single limb or my youngest cousins who did not have the aptitude for trade or further scholarship." Siuan waves her hands dismissively. 

"That must have been a revealing conversation you had between legal briefs and expensive tea." Lan reflects, crossing his arms in a simple gesture. 

"In different ways. We are both oddities in this world and find solace in the presence of the water and nature. Now, are you here to drag me on a run?”

***

Fallacies and Certainties 

Siuan is going to take early retirement. 

There is nothing to say about how things went in court today; there wasn't a weak moment amongst the litigation team on either side. Moiraine and Nynaeve seem united in their satisfaction and are already planning for the next week. Lan is confident that their current security measures are adequate. Siuan feels no need to leave Moiraine's spare room and doesn't feel brave enough to mention that fact out loud. 

She also doesn't mention that she will take whatever severance package the administration offers, complete with any harsh stipulations. 

Siuan has no intention of backing down, nor letting Elaida think she has won a return back to regressive teachings. On the contrary, there will be a public reckoning with as much harshness as the team can draw. Still, she can't help musing over Nynaeve's ridiculous metaphor about falling overboard and safety nets. Does she need the White Tower to have a life of public service? Does she even need a law licence?" The thought is strangely liberating. 

"Would you like to come to dinner with us, Siuan? It is worth celebrating getting through the first day." Lan asks, gesturing to the group at large.

The question is symbolic; he knows her well enough to predict that Siuan will want solitude, even after sitting alone watching those tapes for most of the week. She craves time to work out this vague notion of no longer trying to claim the White Tower and the law school as hers. It will take work to find a suitable successor and fight for the legacy to remain. Alanna and Moiraine will have opinions, but that's for later conversations. 

"No, I will walk along the shoreline and get some decent take out." Siuan spares the group a glance. 

Siuan is proud that she manages not to stutter, even though there is still pain and tightness in her throat. The signs of her physical stress are episodic at best, but her voice is still unreliable. She can't make those grand speeches and debates are still a daunting task—even with intimate time with Moiraine or any of her friends. Alanna and her lovers remain constant protectors. 

"Do you want me to..." Moiraine asks with an undercurrent of pain and tenderness. 

"Have fun, Judge. You and your loyal subjects have the right to rest." Siuan manages a genuine smile. 

Siuan feels a pang of loneliness as she leaves the group and warm conversation. The courthouse rooms become both a comfort and haunting reminder of how much she is set to lose or gain. Her life is to be determined by the whim of jurists. Then again, that is somewhat fitting for somebody who has dedicated their life to practising and teaching law. 

***

"I knew that you would find a way to drink alone and reminisce about your father and old sea shanties." A voice says in confidence. 

"Do you want a medal or prize for such a feat of deduction?" Siuan asks sharply. 

"I want you to stop looking for answers to mistakes that were never yours in the first place. Please come home with me so that I can take care of you in a way that was easier than breathing once upon a time." There is aching sadness. 

Siuan doesn't learn the first time. She picks higher quality wine. 

"So it turns out you may be right in all your romantic essays on hearing every voice. Maybe the legions of Elaida's sycophants amongst your princelings wouldn't hate me nearly ten years later." Siuan comments without turning around. 

Siuan idly wonders if her friends and remaining loyal staff have set up a roster to keep track of her. It's not like she is hitting the drink or another illicit substance, or driving recklessly. The bigger problem is what she is not doing, mainly sleeping and eating. Lan is surprisingly okay with her ditching their exercise routines. Moiraine draws the short straw coming to find her on the beach, which isn't providing solace tonight.

"Did you draw the short straw in babysitting duty after this week of hell?" Siuan asks cynically, keeping her gaze on the ocean. 

"There is no great hardship. However, I lay no claim to such students or graduates, and there was little hope for keeping them on the side." Moiraine insists, her tone firm but gentle. 

"Didn’t you always say that I needed to take a wider view, that there was more than one type worth defending? That the time would come again or some such poetry?" Siuan asks resentfully.

"I said many things back then, and you are asking for a fight." Moraine declares with characteristic calmness.

Siuan doesn't deny this and is content to stand there in silence and listen to the waves. She doesn't have many memories that combine Moiraine and the ocean. Instead, her former lover carries the scent of horses and scholarship. Joint holidays in Tear were a rare treat, with the other woman absorbing as much practical knowledge as possible and developing a temporary roughness on her thumb pads. 

"Can you blame me? Lan and Nyneave are fighting my battles for me, which hasn't happened in 30 years. The last time was when the local bully had some opinions and father intervened." Siuan smiles at the unexpected memory. 

"According to many, our great mistake was not having it out and airing all the grief and disturbances at the time. Alanna has graphic metaphors about festering sores to supplement the narrative. I'm here for a debate any time. Can I suggest another option?" Moiraine asks with an edge of uncertainty. 

"The wind isn't high enough for kite flying, and I don’t have a supply of your lighters and smokes." Siuan teases without looking away from the horizon. 

"Your new housemate still has a few contacts, but that's a discussion for another day."

Siuan freezes for a second when Moiraine wraps her arms around her waist, resting her head on her shoulder, bringing them closer together. Casual, intimate touches were a rarity for all their reconnection and tentative friendship. Circling each other in an orbit of attraction and unresolved pain leaves its marks on their physical connection. Siuan feels the sharp sting of tears.  

"The White Tower is a place with strong roots and foundations. These internal politics won't destroy your legacy and impact. Regardless of how successful I was at communicating the fact, you had me on your side from day one." Moiraine whispers against her ear. 

"Surely you wouldn't be naive enough to seek a happy ending after all this time, Princess Moiraine? Complete with a pretty soundtrack and neat cinematic resolutions?" Siuan scolds, but there is tenderness in it. 

"I got something of a happy ending when you reached out and asked for my help without using Lan as an emissary. Supporting you is everything, the rest can wait until later." Moiraine presses an awkward kiss to her jaw. 

"You do your sentimental father and his great love story proud. The Damodred line would shake at such emotion on display. Laman would be turning in his grave." Siuan lets out a genuine laugh for the first time in a while. 

"You say that like such an occurrence can be bad, dearest. Now come home with me and let us find better uses for that brooding temperament." 

For once, it doesn't bother Siuan not finding the words to object. 

Chapter Text

Hope is like a piece of string when you're drowning. It just isn't enough to get you out by itself."—The Eye of the World.

Moiraine is familiar, new, and wholly wonderful. 

Siuan isn't naive or drunk enough to think that being with Moiraine Damodred again, at least without talking things through, is a good idea. Instead, they are nursing both old and new pain while navigating a tense situation where more than one reputation is on the line. Living as roommates in the judge's apartment is risky enough, even without this dynamic. Still, at least now they know that the risk and the heartbreak will be evenly split. 

"Somehow, we wound up right where we began, despite all of our efforts to run away. Maybe we could have saved ourselves the torment in the years between now and then, Dearest Daughter of the River." Moiraine says as they move to the bedroom. 

"I am the one who was planning to overindulge with expensive wine, Judge Damodred. We needed to escape to put all the pieces back together." Siuan leans up to cradle Moiraine’s cheek. 

"Then let the older and wiser version of me give you a few moments of peace. You should have at least one restful night's sleep before getting ready for the next rounds of hearings." Moiraine gestures towards the bed. 

Siuan knew it would take a small step to cross that line again, as the longstanding attraction hasn’t disappeared, no matter how much anger she holds. Moiraine looks at her with such tenderness that sex would be a comforting experience. Still, so would just sleeping and tangling their limbs together for the night. Although Siuan tries to articulate her inner conflict, thankfully, Moiraine takes the initiative. 

"We have spent far too many mornings being each other's regrets. Let's not add to the tally just for the sake of excellent sex with complicated feelings in the mix." Moiraine softens the blow with a gentle kiss. 

"Ah, so it is true what they say about your wisdom and level headedness, Judge Damodred." Siuan concedes with a fleeting smile. 

"At least such a reputation stands upon the vetting processes from the judicial review boards after the follies of our youth. I would still like to spend the night with you, though in the less specific sense?" Moiraine offers tentatively. 

"That would be lovely." Siuan agrees softly. 

It's easy to fall back into the evening routine, changing into evening wear and unwinding their hair. Siuan catches the familiar scent of Moiraine's favourite perfume that hasn't changed in decades; she has a strong flashback to when they were frantic to tumble into bed, both as Novices and Accepted. The ghost of Moiraine's touch still can raise goosebumps and make her heart flutter. They manage to share a nervous smile before climbing into the large bed. 

There were a few moments of awkwardness as they arranged themselves to sleep, trying to respect unspoken boundaries while acknowledging the attraction. In the end, they face each other like girls on a sleepover gossiping. Moiraine reaches out a hand and gently traces the tattoos that run down Siuan's shoulders and across her chest. 

"Will you tell me what these mean to you? They are new." The words are gently spoken. 

"Only if you will offer a similarly intimate tale about what has shaped your life outside the court. Tell me about your stint running away with a rockstar?" Siuan whispers back, leaning into the touch. 

"Thom Merrien is a rockstar on the folk music circuit, an entirely different landscape. A shame considering he is pivotal in the Andorian Court reforms, but few would know it. I hope he finds peace in whatever life path he chooses." Moiraine explains affectionately. 

"Will you still tell me the story?" 

"With pleasure, Dearest Siuan." 

Somehow the night of storytelling and intimacy is a worthy substitute for physical passion. 

***

"I thought we weren't supposed to do anything without letting Lan and Nynaeve know? Isn't that the one thing that as a non-couple we agreed upon at this point?" 

"We are not doing anything that violates their careful planning or would cause direct issues for the tribunal witnesses. I will not risk doing anything foolish just to impress a girl." Moiraine promises solemnly. 

Siuan asks the question before biting into a breakfast wrap with a perfect mixture of spice, freshness and slow cooking. She has a flashback to cooking with her uncles and cousins, learning all of the different ways to cook fish. Moiraine seems to have a map of all the Tear inspired restaurants in the place Siuan once called home. Those small signs of caring and tenderness mean so much. 

"I don't remember having a high tolerance for your cryptic statements when we were younger; that hasn't changed in the years that separated us." Siuan gives her an arch look. 

"Elaida was hoping for the bloodiest of takeovers, but she wanted it to happen fast; she is holding too many balls in the air and isn't a talented gleeman. So we will follow the money and the people that aren't happy with the dispute, especially when the documents are entered into evidence through official channels." Moiraine patiently explains again. 

"I don't think the knowledge that Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan is ambitious and wants to break every tradition to survive is enough to disqualify her from either direct or indirect power." Siuan points out grimly.

"Power is forgivable, lauded even for the youngest daughter of a minor nobility as she ascends the ranks. Cracking the foundations of the White Tower is the worse sin that will leave scars beyond the pain that she longs to inflict on us as her mortal enemies." Moiraine counters. 

"So are we going to find a fleet of healers to nurse our venerated institution whole, piece by piece and thread by thread? There won't be many rising to help me as things continue unraveling in the headlines." 

'Well, right now our appointment has shifted an hour, so I'm taking you for a walk; along one of your favourite rivers that, from memory, lives up to Tear standards. The vendor along the way, makes excellent shakes and hot chocolate." Moiraine tugs their joined hands in another direction. 

"What..."

"Siuan, trust me. I wouldn't be dragging you from the apartment if it wasn't worthwhile. We can continue sharing favourite moments through tattoos or my brief stint as a folk music groupie with photographic evidence." Moiraine promises with an imploring look. 

"Moiraine Damodred, we can't hide away in a bubble together while the world is crashing in, despite the way the tribunal rules. I need to offer the notes from last week.” Siuan plants her feet and pulls back. 

"Come with me for this meeting and I will let you study your notes and obsess for the rest of the day. Have a shake with me in the sunlight." Moraine brushes her knuckles softly. 

***

"Elaida is losing the ratings game and running out of time."

"Wonderful to know that the distraction of my legacy is a media war, but what do you mean?" Siuan asks curiously. 

Shockingly it’s a term that may be useful in beating Elaida and her underlings at their own game. 

They will complete Moiraine's secret mission, and the judge is once again suddenly the young woman making mischief as a student. Now there is serious purpose to the movements. Somewhere between breakfast and the walk to the main street, Siuan takes her small hand and doesn't let go; it feels comforting. Their hands feel different, older with some calluses and scars, but they still have that familiarity. 

"Who are we meeting in a back alley with a secret code word?" Siuan asks drily.

"Somebody who is extremely reluctant to face this mess but is equally unwilling to let the White Tower tumble. We are going to take full advantage of those feelings. Rand and Egwene have some key points in a neat list. We won't be at the restaurant for more than an hour, 90 minutes maximum." Moiraine says confidently. 

Siuan has to admit that their walk along the river with a milkshake was the perfect combination afterward. Silence with Moiraine was comforting, even when they were angry at each other and didn't have the words to improve things. Siuan needs to remind herself that this woman is naturally nomadic and will soon leave the bounds of Tar Valon.

"You are going to call on the steely grit and resolve of Cadsuane Melaidhrin, as the one who bankrolls the White Tower in both the new and old ways?"

Her deduction takes no great effort. The White Tower may be an established institution, but that does not mean its funds are limitless, especially not as yearly expenses grow. Moiraine is one of the few people to hold influence inside and outside the walls of Tar Valon, among the highest ranks of the wealthiest people. Cadsuane Melaidhrin just happens to be at the top of that particular mountain. 

"Just how many favours have you called for the sake of my nebulous future?" Siuan asks, frowning deeply. 

"I have dedicated my life to serving the law in international courts; any power from my work is equally mine to give away. Besides, our reconciliation is valuable enough don’t you think?” Moiraine gives her a challenging look.

“Foolish sentimental noble, please take me to the great meeting with the all powerful one?" Siuan takes her hand for a brief moment. 

Once they reach the door, Moiraine leans over and kisses her cheek, lingering there momentarily before leading the way. 

***

"Fish Guts, Moiraine, why can't I go back to bed?" 

"She is our best option for a speedy resolution. Trust me, Siuan." Moiraine whispers back. 

Cadsuane represents everything that frightens Siuan Sanche. The other woman is among the most influential people in Tar Valon and the surrounding regions. She drives the financial markets and journalists equally wild, with her reluctance to go public in any way. The familial wealth is a mystery, but she has influence in many industries. Perhaps more relevant, she is among the first graduates and biggest donors to the White Tower. 

"Siuan Sanche, I didn't expect you the notable scholarship child to be in trouble. It isn't very reassuring, but not surprising, to see you in action Judge Moiraine Damodred." Cadsuane stands up, carefully watching both women. 

"We have common ground in this particular problem, Ma'am. Historical disagreements don't have a role in the current conversation." Moiraine points out diplomatically.

Siuan tries not to let her intimidation show at this woman who is wealthier than several kingdoms. Unfortunately there is a power imbalance here that will never lessen, no matter how many fancy letters are by her name. The jewellery on display makes her want to look for bodyguards. Her fingers itch with the weight of all those stones and necklaces. The traditions of her people are far easier to understand. It takes her a moment to focus back on the conversation. 

"I say this without the ego common to people with my level of influence, but I will not wade into the affairs of the White Tower directly. Our former school may be in my heart and investment portfolio, but it is not the only piece." The words are stated in equal measure. 

"If we are going to talk of strategy games and Daes Dae'mar, then I am asking you to protect your investment rather than risk anything further. The damage is permanent, but you can ease the bleeding." 

"Let us eat first and then you can weave your tales, Judge Damodred."

***

Moiraine takes control of the conversation easily. 

"Elaida isn't the one to strengthen your legacy with the White Tower. You may not agree with Siuan's previous work, but you can see the damage in the papers. Her efforts to defame Siuan as a leader are only the beginning. Three trusts are already nervous, more will follow." 

It takes a second for Siuan to notice that her friend brings out a folder. 

"Moiraine, I have spent more decades than you have been alive in the background of such power mechanicians. I acknowledge that this episode is particularly unpleasant and invasive for you, Miss Sanche. However, the White Tower is a willow tree, not an oak, and will not break." Cadsuane waves a jewelled hand dismissively.  

The subtext is clear; you must convince me to care about this matter, and my time is extremely valuable. 

Moiraine is a fantastic debater and skilled orator. Unsurprisingly, several of her clips have gone viral in legal and social media realms. Siuan watches in awe as Moiraine lays out the current situation and explains why she has brought her into this mess and away from an important merger and acquisition. Siuan feels her heart swell with pride and tenderness. Still, the older woman doesn't show emotion after years and decades of practice. 

“Elaida is working from a faulty and vengeful foundation and bringing the students and teaching facility into what remains an ancient grievance.” 

"What exactly is it that you want me to do? Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan is not an individual I remember well, but she does not have a reputation for changing her mind easily. Let us not talk in the arc of games and strategy." 

"She would find it disappointing to know she hasn't left a lasting impression." Siuan cannot help but quip. 

“All you need to do is offer the truth that you're losing patience with the circus and want a resolution, especially with high-profile students joining next year and rumours of a rival institution being built. An employment dispute is one thing, but constant infighting is another," Moiraine presses calmly.

"Do you think so little of my patience and tact? I have seen four leaders come and go from the White Tower." The older woman points out evenly. 

It is becoming evident that there is no easy or quick solution. 

Siuan is exhausted and carries the weight of this latest drama and the burdens of leadership. So naturally, bantering with this wealthy patron seems to take hours, and she feels herself start to zone out of the conversation. Her long evenings of drowning her sorrows are beginning to catch up with her. Moiraine is leaning into her side as if to offer comfort and connection. 

"Yes, you have seen all of that, but I still maintain that you are facing a greater challenge with this threat, not only to Siuan but the wider foundations of the White Tower." Moiraine leans forward to make her point.

***

"I will consider your words. Thank you for these insights, Judge Damodred.

"That is all we ask. Thank you for your time." 

Siuan doubts that the words are true. Their dinner companion does not want to deal with such a complicated matter, especially regarding the White Tower, which means more to the stately figure than any business venture or inheritance. Still, she takes the folder and memory stick with her to review. Siuan holds her breath as the woman appears to reconsider and sits back down. 

"You and I disagree over many things, more than you will ever know, but nobody deserves this level of public shaming. Those two things have little in common, but people as ambitious as Elaida will use any means necessary. Even if she is victorious, it will not be clean victory, or even close to the one she wants. There will be consequences." Cadsuane says solemnly. 

"Respectfully, ma'am, do not waste your time stating the obvious. If Elaida was to see the error of her ways and renounce everything before joining a monastic order, any backlash that she may face is hollow at this point." Siuan tries to keep the words neutral. 

"That may be true, but do not underestimate what such efforts may do in favour of, if not you, the movement that you love so dearly, whatever form that takes, inside or outside the White Tower.”

Siuan barely resists the urge to push the point further. 

The woman is careful not to say anything, and everything returns back to normal.

***

Siuan is still angry at Moiraine several blocks later. 

"There is no such thing as a White Knight, Moiraine, even if your beloved mare looks like she is a saviour. I thought you were wise enough not to believe in the miraculous montages?" Siuan asks curiously. 

Siuan is feeling all sorts of things about this little interaction. Logically she knows Moiraine is right in that convincing to the endowment charities that there is a cover-up could be the quickest way to get a resolution. There is plenty of evidence to support this claim. Still, the part of Siuan that will always be a scholarship kid cannot help but bristle at the idea of intervention from the wealthy and powerful. 

"I don't expect Cadsuane to play such a role, but she is uniquely positioned to apply pressure. We are doing everything to the letter of the law, insisting on tribunals and hearings. Elaida may have the stamina for a long game, but not everyone can match the intensity of fanaticism." Moiraine explains, jogging to catch up. 

"This woman is not part of our fan club and could just as easily agree with Elaida's side of the equation once all the multimedia and hashtags are a distant memory." Siuan turns to scowl further. 

"Cadsuane values steadiness and fulfilling educational promises above all else. At this point, she would elect your most promising graduate student over any hint of this scandal, new or old. Such a desire will work in our favour." 

"Moiraine, the world doesn't always bend to your will and desires, even if you can summon the most powerful woman in the country. The world doesn't trail in your stardust.." Siuan breaks off suddenly. 

It's not like she even means the words, those pieced together from old arguments. 

***

"What is that princeling up to now? Did he seize the opportunity for a second chance?" 

"Mmmm, what are you saying?" Moiraine doesn't look up from the television.

Siuan isn't sure what makes her so eager to bring up the past, especially those painful memories. Maybe it has something to do with the comfortable blankets and rich hot chocolate. Moiraine is flicking through the channels to find something to satisfy their tastes. Siuan knows that she is getting too attached to the idea of these routines, having traces of their student days, but different in that it reflects the decades. Moiraine feels the same way; it shows in every movement and gesture. 

"Since we have no choice but to dig through the past, I realize that I didn't look past the trial and our breakup. Very little seemed important at the time," Siuan muses out loud, with edges of pain. 

"That's understandable; my priorities shifted as well. But, to your original point, I don't keep an encyclopaedia of all contemporary royal children. But to my knowledge, they are inoffensive grifters passionate about climate change." Moiraine comes to sit beside her. 

"My former client is doing well too. I still get regular Christmas cards, even though it has been so many years. Her gratitude is disproportionate to my attitude as a junior lawyer." Siuan smiles at the memory. 

"You deserve every moment of gratitude from the people you fought for, even in our earliest days. I think that's part of why it was so scary to confess to you that I was choosing to defend the young prince; it would be too hard to have our ideologies clash directly. Cowardly, but truthful." Moiraine stares blankly. 

"It's a good thing you overcame that fear and faced people and argued professionally. At least it’s easier when the heart isn't on the line." 

"Neither of us can say that we have not met or exceeded the expectations of our professional paths. I am pleased to hear that both the princelings are doing well. Those are not my oldest resentments anymore." Siuan muses reflectively.

They settle down to watch the movie, Moiraine resting her head in Siuan's lap. 

***

"Would it be a problem if I kissed you?"

Siuan blinks in surprise at the question as they finish stretching and working through some gentle martial arts. Nothing gives the request context; Moiraine is moving with predictable grace and confidence, and it is a good way to ease the tension for the current hearings. Siuan feels refreshed after another long night's sleep with Moiraine at her side, running tender hands through her hair. 

Siuan pauses mid-action as she winds her hair into a loose ponytail. 

"I guess it would depend on how you define a problem in this landscape, Lady Moiraine Damodred." Siuan says as she slowly brings her hands down. 

They are working out in the small garden, a green space for several local apartment complexes. Siuan can see why this place appeals to her companion; it offers a refuge from the long hours in the international courts. She hopes Moiraine will continue to visit and connect with Alanna and their old friends. She looks lovely in the early morning sunlight. Siuan cannot help but smile. 

"Is the fact that I want to, and have for the last several decades, reason enough?" Moiraine asks while moving closer slowly. 

"We have a strict deadline to keep, and disrupting it means Lan loses the chance to ask out the woman I'm 100% sure he wants to marry." Siuan points out, but she belays the words by moving closer. 

Moraine brings a singular focus to everything she does as a person of the justice system and one who is offering themselves in a moment of emotional vulnerability. Siuan feels like they are moving like fledgling Kingfisher chicks trying to navigate the risk of taking flight. Her heart starts to thud in excitement, joy and dread. Moiraine is the person she will trust when she freefalls into this risk. 

"I ask for a single kiss, Siaun Sanche, not anything that will disrupt Nynaeve's precious war plan." Moiraine points out teasingly. 

For a second, Siuan would like to be reckless again, like they used to be when celebrating exams, relieving stress or hiding away. Moiraine looks even more beautiful than she did as a young student; her age and changes have enhanced those foundational features. Her rich hair is coloured with streaks of grey, those hands still move so gracefully, even with a few signs of wear. Siuan reaches up and traces those high cheekbones that have marked the Damodred line through the centuries. Moiraine is a noblewoman who will only get more beautiful in the future. 

Siuan hopes to be part of those moments in whatever capacity. 

"It took us many months to cross the line between friends and lovers, though we made up in the months after. We need to be similarly careful with each other now. Never mind the pressures of trials, power plays, the end of my career and the beginning of your highest profile case." Siuan insists earnestly. 

"I promise to tread carefully and treat you with the reverence I should have when we were students; let me make amends for that past regret, Daughter of the River." Moiraine begins, with tears in her eyes. 

"I'm not looking for an epic speech, Moiraine, no matter how good you are at spinning castles out of air." 

Siuan rarely notices their height differences beyond striking pictures from when they were are parties with themes or dancing at charity balls. But, at this moment, such things are advantageous; she cradles the shorter woman reverently before leaning to bring their lips together. There is a moment of hesitancy before Moraine sighs into the touch and relaxes, reaching up to deepen the kiss, tangling her hands in Siuan's long dark hair. 

"You are everything that I remember." Siuan feels her throat hitch with emotion. 

"The favourite chapter in my story." Moiraine agrees delightedly. 

Chapter Text

"Moiraine shivered at the thought, ridiculous as it was. If the new Amyrlin learned what she was up to... Inserting herself into secret plans, unbidden and unannounced, would not go unpunished."

― Robert Jordan, New Spring

"I promise to tread carefully and treat you with the reverence I should have when we were students; let me make amends for that past regret, Daughter of the River." Moiraine begins, with tears in her eyes. 

"I'm not looking for an epic speech, Moiraine, no matter how good you are at spinning castles out of air." 

"You are everything that I remember." 

"The favourite chapter in my story." 

The feelings are there, but not the courage to act. 

Siuan Sanche sometimes finds it surprising that she and Moiraine receive not inconsiderable salaries largely because of their way of saying and arguing points of the law. Lan and others in their inner circle watched them dance around each other for years, respecting the work but unable to branch out personal topics and feelings. After that night of confession visiting Cadsuane, their free time stays largely the same, except there is more handholding. 

"Nynaeve has asked to see us; she did hesitate to stress that it wasn't anything to with the case or the latest employment court filings." 

"Ah, is she finally sick of the Mandragoran stoicism? Siuan asks, raising her eyebrow. 

"I don't think things are that simple. Neither was looking to develop feelings, much less be on the cusp of a committed relationship. Our friend is reeling from the creator's impact on his normally stable routine," Siuan muses, gazing out at the sky thoughtfully. 

"Did you say something similar about finding a second-rate princess as a passable roommate, much less a companion?" Moiraine teases with an affectionate smile. 

"Hah, even when you were at your worst and most unbearable, I could never consider you second-rate, Pufferfish." Siuan huffs in amusement. 

Moiraine looks like she is summoning the courage to say something more when there is a brisk knock at the door. Nynaeve al’Meara sweeps into the room with all the fierce determination that characterises their first interactions. Siuan can see why the young law student and then a lawyer would catch Moiraine's professional eye—a woman with no connections but fierce intelligence. 

"Hello Nynaeve, We put together your favourites from that Two Rivers baker who is making a name for himself with those breeds and toppings on social media." Siuan moves to the cabinet and brings over the box. 

"The young man who likes to play with different forms of sourdough with rock salt? Of course, people tend to romanticise people from rural and remote towns overly. We do have internet access for several centuries now." Nynaeve grumbles, but she breaks off a piece of bread with an affectionate smile. 

"Can I grab you a drink?" Moiraine stands up as Nynaeve settles down. 

"Is this conversation going to be that difficult, knower of all things al ‘Lan Mandragoran?" Nynaeve asks, sighing wearily 

"No, I have been convincing Siaun to have a few fresh juices from the seasonal markets. Rand mentioned that they were some of your favourites." Moiraine holds hold her hands beseechingly. 

"Between the social media and legal manoeuvring within the White Tower, we seem to be talking one step forward and twenty-seven steps back." Nynaeve begins taking a deep, shaky breath, her back impossibly straight. 

Siuan and Moiraine exchange a sympathetic look, having heard this from friends and family about Lan before and his inability to communicate about feelings, social elements, and the past. Lan is naturally introverted, but the difficulty in his homeland brings a whole new element of pressure and reclusiveness. Moraine often intercedes in these moments, but Siuan knows she will tread carefully. 

"Navigating a new relationship can be difficult under any circumstances, but these circumstances are unique. Eladia's power grabs, and the schism within the White Tower has media bait elements. Still, they could only estimate the time vortex that this would become when it was simply about defending Siuan's honour.

"As you know better than most, Judge Damodred of the International Court, it is often the past that presents more of a challenge, both of us spending decades keeping private council: common values, but a distinctive lack of communication styles." Nynaeve chuckles bitterly. 

"Hopefully, this time of trial by media and employment navigations will find resolution, at least to the point where you will have more time to consider these elements without three or four other people demanding your immediate attention," Siuan interjects slowly, reaching for her hand.

"I'm honest; I'm afraid we will run out of neutral combat ground without a common mission.  

**

Lan seems willing to talk, which is a good start. 

Of course, he insists they continue to work on her self-defence, but Siuan is willing to do such exercises while Lan shares his thoughts and fears. The fisherman's daughter has no illusions about becoming a champion, but at least she is no longer breathless. They get into a rhythm as they are sparing partners and colleagues. Siuan realises how isolated she has been since the conflict; it wasn't just Moiraine who she lost.

"Do you realise you can live outside Moiraine and her grand quest for justice? Aren't there lessons you can take from the poets you admire most?" Siuan asks gently as she stretches out her hips. 

"This is about Nynaeve? She told you what happened?" Lan grumbles, a twinge hurt in his voice.  

"Oh, don't look at me like a Kingfisher chick with those wounded eyes; Nynaeve holds as many confidants and secrets as you, more in some ways. If you want to continue the broody king without a kingdom routine, you shouldn't have been such a good and loyal friend to a brilliant woman; we learn to read you better than most." Siuan waves his hand dismissively. 

"Then it is with that knowledge that you should caution Nynaeve away from somebody stuck in the past with little to no grasp of interpersonal relationships." Lan does a sweeping kick, which Siuan parries. 

"Oh, don't you dare be such a noble, self-sacrificing idiot, not when we have such important work to do saving some semblance of my career and the fate of the scholarship kids? I thought we trained that out of you decades ago." Siuan stops their training in favour of giving her friend a disgusted glance. 

"Nynaeve..."

"Is one of the most competent legal researchers in the region and, more to the point, has access to the internet. You don't have nearly as many unknowable, dark recesses as you like to think, al’Lan Mandragoran. Make whatever decision you make, Lan, give her the respect of a direction conversation. Have that courage, my dearest friend." Siaun says seriously. 

"Why is this the hardest conversation to have, even after all our efforts to protect your position at the White Tower." Lan rolls her shoulders and neck to ease her tension." Lan gives her friend a pleading look. 

"I know that our childhoods and schooling were unconventional, Lan, but you have a great love for poetry; surely the masters can answer that; putting your heart on the line is difficult for everyone and anyone, even a great and dutiful warrior king. Nynaeve is a steadfast companion, but the tides remain unpredictable and forceful." Siuan explains, inviting her friend to stretch out on the grass. 

***

Nynaeve is characteristically blunt. 

"You are the definition of Lan's work wife. I cannot be the first to question the logistics of such things."

"While I'm not wild about such a term, our friendship is unusually close and meets the definition. It's worth remembering that royal exiles around the Sun Court form bonds, and the idea of romance never crossed our minds." Moiraine says, her voice measured and careful. 

"I couldn't understand as a foundling from the Two Rivers? Lady Moraine of House Damodred?" Nynaeve snaps with a sharp edge to her voice. 

"Oh, retract your spikes, Al’Meara. All Moiraine is saying is that she and Lan were raised like siblings because Moiraine's parents had a soft spot for another exile. Lan doesn't have casual friends or connections, but there is nothing to fear in their intimacy." Siuan holds up her hand in a placating gesture.

"He says more words to Moiraine than the rest of us put together for the month; if Rand wasn't so busy motoring the threads and stack, then I'm sure there could be a spreadsheet proving the point." Nynaeve waves her hands in frustration. 

Siuan feels her heart clench in sympathy. Nynaeve A’lmeera is a proud woman who has nothing come easily; she doesn't show her vulnerability easily. Her mind immediately flashes back to the time when Moiriane misunderstood the nature of Alric place in her life and made a misguided attempt to defend her honour. The dynamics of 'intense friendships' can be confronting for those on the outside, especially in cultures where friendships between opposite sexes are uncommon.

"The foundations between Lady Moiraine and I crumbled for different and diverse reasons, but I remember confronting the same feelings early in our time. if you truly observe them, the relationship is like whale calves born in the same pod, a shared language, cultural and maternal figures." Siuan interjects softly. 

"I wish nothing but happiness for Lan, which will be beyond our relationship; this stands for my multiple relationships and his few-and-far-between dating histories. I agree with Siuan's fish-themed analogies for the most part. I am his confidante now, but default, not because he cannot connect with another person." Moiraine insists, leaning forward in her earnestness. 

***

These conversations are hard but necessary.

"You need to put down roots, my friend, not function as my shadow indefinitely. What better reason to look at your ridiculous schedule than falling in love?" Moiraine asks gently. 

The three friends sit in one of their favourite cafes, which serves many of Malkari's specialities. A handful of cooks and chefs work hard to cultivate the crops and recipes. Their friend relaxes in a particular way when introducing people to elements from his homeland. Siuan works hard to identify the different flavours and elements. Lan carefully reaches for a soup spoon. 

"It's strange to hear you speak of 'roots', Judge Damodred, when you travel so extensively," Lan replies evenly. 

"I won't be a judicial official forever, my friend. According to my sisters and the Damodred scholarships, there are books to right and think tanks to found." 

In some ways, Siuan doesn't want to be here witnessing this conversation, but  everyone  is here to clean up the mess of her work life, and the people before her are her oldest friends. In some ways, it is easier to confront these situations directly rather than rely on memories and longing glances. Moiraine has the same idea, so at least they are in sync on this matter. 

"How many lines of attack will you two offer on this matter? Moiraine, you and Nynaeve weren't on speaking terms for most of the last judicial season." Lan pointed out, giving his old friend a weary look. 

Siuan can see why the older and younger lawyers clash. They share the same ideologies but approach the principles based on different life experiences and guiding voices. Moiraine plays on the elements of mystery and the solidary quest for justice. Nynaeve works on the ground in a more direct pursuit. 

"My ideological disagreements didn't make me blind to the feelings you were developing; Nynaeve is a brilliant lawyer who dedicates her life to justice wherever she is; if she is the person you love, our quibbles will fall into the background. Besides, working to save Siuan's career, earnest her at least civil conversation and peaceful conferences." Moiraine glances at Siuan and smiles. 

"To answer your questions more directly, we will not let this go until you stop pinning for this woman like you, a hero in a tragic epic. Nynaeve deserves the benefit of a conversation that isn't between analysing my social feeds and employee tribunal" Siuan gives her friend a firm look. 

"Nynaeve has spoken to you about the nature of our relationship?" Lan asks quietly, the same pain in his voice.

"Only in the general sense of  her  feelings, Nynaeve, as ever, respects boundaries and principles," Moiraine interjects firmly. 

Lan nods firmly, giving them a great look but reaching for another piece of bread.

Moiraine and Siuan exchange glances, sensing they are making progress in helping Lan understand that there is a pathway forward with Nynaeve, who has an equal sense of duty and dedication. They won't need to push any further, at least not today; Lan is solitary by nature and training, so comforting him will come along the way. 

"Will you both attend the Makari Fundraiser and opening of the new exhibit?" Lan asks eventually, his voice swelling with pride. 

"Of course, I do regularly, but this will be the first time that the schedules align for me to be there in person; I brought a dress and new shoes for the occasion." Siuan reaches over to squeeze her hand. 

"I know the media circus hasn't done anything for your tremendous roommate suggestion, treading over such old and painful ground. Will there be a problem attending the event together, even if you both have a reputation as long-standing supporters?" Lan's expression is genuinely concerned. 

"There are so many more reasons for trolls and media outlets to question our connection; the Damodred and Sanche philanthropy doesn't even rank a flitter on the Geiger counter, even if there was a risk we would be there with all the attendant publicity. Alanna and the boys will act as bodyguards." Siuan declares firmly. 

Siuan wills herself not to jerk in surprise when Moiraine links their hands under the table. Over the last several weeks and months, touch has become part of their new dynamic and relationship. Still, there is something different about sitting with their friend and bringing comfort as a united front; the ghosts of their past are peaceful, if not entirely forgotten. 

"Thank you for your words of encouragement and support; I'll consider them carefully and give Nynaeve the time and respect she deserves, starting with a date at the Malkari Museum." Lan signals to the waiter for the dessert money. 

***

"Moiraine is different from you."

Nynaeve observes while taking Siuan through some of the latest legal strategies and the fragile allyship with Cadsuane. The grand matriarch of the White Tower seems on their side, at least for now, when seeking clarity from the governance board. Whatever happens in her personal life, Nynaeve al’Meara is diligent and works long hours. Siuan tries to hide her surprise at the personal turn in the conversation.

"Well, you won't be the first person to make such an observation; we have had a long and complicated relationship since we were the age of some of your students. Strangely, Moiraine and I are mimicking your efforts to learn how to communicate with Lan; we are at different but no less complicated story." 

"While you may think Lan is impossibly difficult to communicate with, he is not the only one suffering from this affliction. My years as her roommate only gave me a slight advantage in understanding the games and words of strategy that she weaves." Siuan informs her wearily. 

"Is it too much to ask for us to talk about  his  life after you win a clean sweep against Elaida and Moiraine, another guard/loyal defender, during the next sittings of the international court? I am not asking for a sea change to the next continent, only for consideration." 

"We have a few law professors in common, and I'm sure they were equally quick to caution you against proclaiming anything close to a 'clean sweep'. Lan remains steadfast in his sense of duty because the people in his life, myself included, haven't demonstrated that we can cope and thrive without his calm presence." Siuan with a mocking head shake. 

"From infancy, he was the one who would carry the hope of a war-torn nation and the work towards human rights law, but the guidelines keep shifting, the next trial, the next grand adventure with the crusading judge."

"It is not so dissimilar to you building a legal and social fortress around the Two Rivers land and the younger orphans when you are barely in the first year of law school. Use that same conviction to win Lan over in a language he can understand; nothing stops you from sharing the role of crime-fighting crusaders." Siuan suggests, choosing her words carefully. 

"Moiraine and I may shake the foundations of the court buildings with our disagreements." 

"The internal courts are a big place; you will be able to avoid crossing each other in court and have common ground in your love and respect for Lan," Siuan insists confidently. 

"I thought you were the one to be reliable and cynical, Siuan Sanche." Nynaeve raises a curious eyebrow. 

"We all hope for calm tides and sunning on the boat. Two things can be true at once. Now tell me what spreadsheets you are developing." Siuan turns her attention back to the computer. 

Nynaeve gives her a long and searching look before obediently bringing her latest modelling round. Siuan feels a spontaneous flood of relief when she sees the sympathetic profiles. Pushing back against Elaida's narrative, Nynaeve narrates everything softly and firmly. 

***

"You are the only ghost I want from the White Tower."

Siuan whispers the words as she lies with Moiraine in the apartment. The week of support for Lan and Nynaeve has been tiring. Still, their oldest friend is learning different ways to communicate without the burden of his duty and long, complicated history as a royal exile. Siuan's hesitation in spending time with Moiraine Dadmodred allows them to unite in their love for Lan and hope for his future happiness. 

"Is that your poetic way of saying that my past mistakes have a way of haunting you in a way you don't want for however this conflict with Elaidia ends?" Moiraine translates, turning on her side so they face each other. 

"The last few weeks after the trial, when everything started to disintegrate beneath our feet, were some of the worst moments of my life. Somewhere along the way, my sense of safety and security in the White Tower tangles with your presence—the worst mistake for a poor scholarship kid to make. I need to understand the practicalities of leaving for good and having an average life, even without the lofty highs of academic glory." Siuan confesses in a whisper. 

"You better believe that Rand, Nynaeve and the others are working on your redemption at some of the best law offices in Tar Valon and beyond. We won't all disappear after the dispute resolutions." Moiriane promises earnestly. 

"Unsurprisingly, I kept up my practising certificate and professional networks, at least the ones that don't turn dust.  

In truth, sometimes Siuan found strange comfort in the simpler practice of relearning the statutes and case studies and building different arguments. Remaining qualified was challenging but provided a break from the endless budget disagreements and administrative meetings. While it would be difficult not to see any other position as a fall from grace,' Siuan can see the challenge and delight in it.

"After working against the odds the first time around, I thought it highly unlikely you would let the qualification lapse. Regardless of my jealousy and instinctive possessiveness, I hope you found some comfort, even if it wasn't with our epic saga on the books." Moiraine reaches out and brushes her cheek. 

"I wasn't alone, but it turns out that your grand romance is falling apart; there are consequences for all relationships. There wasn't anybody that could reach the levels of intimacy that come from my princess roommate." Siuan stares at the ceiling. 

"I know that feeling well, and it wasn't because of my sisters' lack of trying or matchmaking efforts." Moiraine agrees, sighing wearily. 

"My mind doesn't have the space for Elaida to take up free reslate in my head. Even if the money is less, my primary goal is a peaceful exit and enough funds to pay the team what they are worth," Siuan states firmly. 

"Don't worry, I...." 

"Are not going to sweep in here like a white knight; you can afford to take a sabbatical, but the children can not, especially if Rand wants to change his major." Siuan holds up a fallstalling hand. 

"Explain to me again why we are playing chaperones?" 

Siuan asks the question while she watches Moiraine dress carefully in an outfit that reflects the traces of her past in the Sun Court and her status as a senior judge. There is an intricate combination of hairpins, necklaces, and jewellery, and she doesn't bother to conceal the streaks of grey hair at her temple. Siuan needs to understand the noblewomen's process and rituals, but she finds it a face throw due to their time in school. 

"Lan may be a thoroughly modern security personal, but he does have the heart of a noble poet with courtly manners. Nynaeve has gone through a dark time of much grief; taking things slowly will be good for them, including double dates." Moiraine explains, smiling at her in the mirror. 

They will spend the afternoon at the museum's display of Malkari artefacts, which is put on by a foundation that supports the civil war survivors. Lan struggles with such events but does his best to help other people who are not so fortunate to have royal connections and a social support system. 

"We'll make sense if I squint. Of course, I'm more than happy to support Malkari charity initiatives. Hopefully, the star-crossed lovers in question won't slip into duty mode and spend all their time connecting survivals to the outreach programmes and leading revivals of the Malkari languages." Siuan smiles at her companion. 

"Well, you and I managed to find every distraction under the sun rather than talk and figure out the root of our communication impasses. Sometimes, we would squeeze a minute together in the stacks but avoid each other for hours five years later." Moiraine reflects sadly. 

"Maybe we can make better choices this time around. Maybe the wheel will weave as it will, which is our favour this time. At least if we lead by example." Siuan leans over and kisses her cheek. 

Despite the tension and difficulties, falling asleep is familiar and comforting; Siuan can inhale the deep breath of Moiraine’s favourite perfume and the jingle of her favourite jewellery.

***

Nynaeve al’Meara prepares for a different type of warfare. 

Siuan Sanche wonders if this is the right metaphor, but none other springs to mind as she watches the younger legal scholar enter the room with carefully measured steps. Nynaeve wears dresses and robes with nods to the fabrics and styles, Emond's Field., and the Two Rivers. The light captures the silver and gold jewellery on her wrists and necklace. Thin threads and material weave into her long hair. Naturally, her study shoes are practical and comfortable. 

Siuan takes Moiraine's arm as they stand at the edge of the large museum space. While it remains unlikely that her scandal will detract from the work of the Malkari Foundation, it's not worth taking the risk, especially if they are here to support Lan and Nynaeve, without The Honourable Judge Moiraine Damodred as a keynote speaker. 

"If he leaves Nynaeve hanging tonight, I will hang Lan up by his bootstraps; I am not so far away from the jetty and dwarfs with sharp ones available," Siuan mutters sharply under her breath, forcing a smile to stay on her face. 

"Settle down, Darling. Lan always comes in late, wanting to spend more time with the scholarship kids and those who were friends with her parents and the court members. He comes to this event come hell or high water; Lan once had a dangerous fever and still made an appearance virtually." Moiraine places a reassuring hand on her arm. 

"That poor woman has her heart on her sleeve; I will give him at least half an hour before blowing up his phone with a broad range of emojis and Tear threats," Siuan promises, leaning closer and whispering in her ear. 

There is something comforting about being in the background of moments like this, supporting the excellent philanthropic work. Siuan draws a deep and calming breath, toning into the live band's music. This band represents a collection of refugees with an abiding love of music, with hand-crafted wooden instruments showing excellent artistry.

"I love this soundtrack." Siuan sighs dreamily. 

"I am not going to lie; there is a firm temptation to start planning their wedding playlist for March. The Two Rivers and Malkari have contrasting but complementary tasks. It would be worth grabbing their contact details." Moiraine leans further against the wall. 

"While we need to figure out a wager on that matter, all funds towards the Malkari charity efforts." Siuan holds out her hand with an encouraging smile. 

The other woman is about to reply, but attention diverts to Lan when he enters the room—the lost king dressed in full traditional uniform, with the delicate crown sparkling in the light. Nynaeve stands outside the room, waiting for him to approach. Siuan watches in fascination as their friend approaches. Their composure is perfect, but if you look closer, Lan's big and broad hands shake with the tension and nerves. 

"Breathe, Lan. There is no point in you passing out before the big moment." Moiraine sounds overwrought with the investment. 

"They will figure everything else out. This could be the first step, but not the last," Siuan whispers back, keeping her eyes on the other couple. 

Chapter Text

"Moiraine shivered at the thought, ridiculous as it was. If the new Amyrlin learned what she was up to... Inserting herself into secret plans, unbidden and unannounced, would not go unpunished."

― Robert Jordan, New Spring

"It saddens me that the law broke us apart.

Moiraine Damodred's voice quivers with a potent mix of sorrow and resolve as they stroll along the fringes of the main exhibits in the Malkari Museum. In stark contrast, Lan is deeply engaged in a spirited discourse with the donners, experts in conversation and activism. The night unfolds with a delicate equilibrium, a dual mission of raising funds for a noble cause and guiding their obstinate and proud companion to comprehend that duty often necessitates personal sacrifices.

"We were already experiencing fault lines, Darling. The case of the printing and the hard-working Tear family may have personified our respective insecurities well. More to the point, what is that adage about roots and wings? You were seeking injustice at every corner of the world, and I have the strongest roots in Tar Valon." Siuan shrugs and links their arms together.

They stand before displays showcasing the Malkari Constitution and the initial legal documents that bear witness to the years of civil war and the plight of the desperate refugees. Both have been crucial in advocating and promoting this work through various legal cases and scholarship. With unwavering determination, Lan ensures that the errors, foolishness, and power struggles that inflict harm on people are not confined to the pages of history books.

"Well, it fits with our relationship that it would take the extremes of a university power struggle to bring us back to common ground. Let's hope it doesn't take Lan and Nynaeve so long" Moiraine strides to the next wall with the creative lighting and display.

"I don't think so; it takes Lan a while to change his mind, but he is steadfast once he commits to a new dynamic. It was the same when it came to translating friendship and knowledge for the Malkari. Now, will you show me around, Lady Damodred?" Siuan declares firmly.

When they were students at the White Tower, tickets and passes to art galleries and museums were easy to come by, and it was even easier when one of the pair often knew the artist personally. Moiraine cannot help but fall into the role of tour guide, talking about the newest acquisitions and the work the curators go through in the fashions of the time. Moiraine takes Siuan's hand, leading her through the rooms and weaving with familiar steps.

"If you didn't have one of our generation's brightest and most influential legal minds, I would suggest that you missed your calling or at least a second career path when the High Court holds no more appeal." Siuan teases as they stop before a photo essay.

"While the Mistress of Novices likes to pretend that our lives begin and end with being students of the White Tower, I did have a life as the daughter of dedicated scholars. Libraries and museums were my life for several summers." Moiraine laughs at the fond memory.

"What were some of your favourites? I can see Moiraine Damodred in some of these elements, supporting free resources and children's elements." Siuan squeezes Moiraine's hand, giving an affectionate smile.

"I am not the only person who emphasises these elements, thankfully. We could work in a small team; when the court is in recess, Lan and I volunteer at least once a month. My father always said that a scholarship is only half done if there isn't anything out in the community." Moraine explains as they weave through the crowds.

***

They watch the scene play out.

"Nynaeve gathers all her courage for this one night."

It's easy for Moiraine and Siuan to disappear into the crowds, moving between the different rooms and galleries and talking with former friends and colleagues. Still, they work as a team to keep an eye on Land and Nynaeve, who spend the evening in each other's orbit. Nynaeve is a constant presence, even when she fades into the background when Lan makes a speech.

"Nynaeve does not talk about her past, but from what I gather, vulnerability was not an option in an uncertain childhood without the support of family structures." Moiraine agrees, smiling sadly.

"We didn't have the same obstacles, and they were at different times, but there are enough similarities that I can empathise with a similar framework. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world to summon the courage to 'go steady'." Siuan puts teasing emphasis on the last words.

"I think punching poor Alric and using Alanna as a personal agony aunt was evidence that your romantic feelings were in safe hands, but still a game when so much of our student life was bound together, like the tightest fishing rope." Moiraine agrees, wincing guiltly at the memory.

"To be fair, seeing how much pressure you put on yourself, the lack of an emotional backup plan, our investment and risk were equal, even if I didn't feel like it at the time." Siuan sighs, shaking her head at their foolishness.

"Thank you for letting me support you against Elaida's crusade. It may be a useful literature devoice to have protagonists reunite nearby, but stories tend to gloss over or truncate the emotional and psychological labour that such steps take in practice, over weeks, months and many difficult conversations." Moraine swirls the last of her wine glass.

"It would be a lie to say that it's been easy, but I cannot claim that other forces were eager to marshal at my side. Elaida wasn't wrong that only some believe in my reforms or the school of thought that informs them. She miscalculated the extent to which the old ties hold." Siuan casts a look over a massive sculpture depicting Malkari warriors.

"The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived," Siuan repeats one of Lan's favourite expressions, picked up on the road.

"Yes, our feelings were never questioned for all our difficulties and estrangement, then and now. Lan and I would seek a way to support you, even if you were a fisherwoman going against the trade unions. Of course, my encyclopedic legal trivia knowledge wouldn't be so useful."

"Running away was never going to be a realistic option, not with how proud my father and uncles were, but it's amusing to think of bringing you home and teaching you how to cast a net." Siuan chuckles at the thought.

"No matter the turning of the wheel or the breaking of the world, we would find a way to connect, or at least that is what the popular gleeman in the Sun Court like to preach. Perhaps the same can be said for Lan and Nynaeve." Moiraine gestures to the other couple.

Across the room, Lan holds out his arm to Nynaeve, an old-fashioned gesture that fits with the evening's aesthetic, evening, and she accepts gracefully. Moiraine had some vague (likely arrogant) assumption that they would be supporting Nynaeve, given her previous nerves and struggles with Lan. However, if knowledge of the young woman teaches her anything, she is resilient and adaptable.

***

"Will you dance with me, Lady Damodred?"

The event organisers have tried to convert the large open atrium into a dance floor, moving between an indoor and outdoor space with fairy lights in the massive trees. Moiraine loves this particular band, which mixes modern classical and gentle melodies. It was always a struggle to get Siuan to dance when they were younger, even though her years on the rigging and hefting sails gave her a natural sense of rhythm.

"Well, Professor Sanche, I wouldn't miss it for the world. I believe the last time we danced to a tune like this; we were a few decades younger and without the first creeping body aches. Forgive me if there is a mistake or ten. When they design Judge's chambers, they don't consider the ability to practice and stretch into consideration." Moiraine warns, and as she accepts, they extend their hand.

"I should warn you that there are several photographers that Lan hires and their main purpose is to capture the glitter of the fundraiser, but the disgraced dean and one of the most high-profile judges may attract attention." Siuan leads her into the centre of the room.

"Let that happen; honestly, there should be more photos of us; maybe things wouldn't be so fraught if we stood openly as a couple a little more, complete moments of dancing at our friend's fundraiser. There is nowhere else I would rather be, Daughter of the River." Moiraine promises, repeating the same familiar words.

"You were my favourite dance partner." Siuan swings them around gracefully.

Moiraine rests her head on Siuan's shoulder, inhaling the familiar scent deeply, her feet moving in a familiar rhythm. Her partner is a confident leader, and there is something comforting about having this moment as a couple. Even if the next few days and weeks represent uncertainty, there are moments when they are on solid ground as a couple. The old feelings, always simmering, are now catching fire and racing through their veins in the best way of being out of control.

"I treated those conversations of our future in much the same way, bringing them out and rubbing them out like the luckiest of lucky charms. More valuable than all the jewels my sisters would try and force on me." Moiraine confesses with a touch of wistfulness in her voice.

"I saw that distant Damodred cousins were often your dates to these events in the past, or Lan, of course. You didn't see any point in forging alliances or at least companionship?" Siuan asks, but there is no judgment in her voice.

"Uncle Lamon and the Damodred name still carries enough weight for people to be curious, especially when my sisters and half-brother start having children, cementing the next generation. Even if I have the energy to seek such things, a decade of seeking appointments to different judicial benches make that tactic unwise, even for the Damodred rebel." Moiraine chuckles softly at the words.

"One could argue that wisdom wasn't high on your list of priorities when Lady Moiraine of House Damodred decided to find companionship in an overly opinioned fishermen's daughter," Siuan argues, shaking her head ruefully.

"If anybody was foolish enough to raise such objections with me, including members on the selection panel, that our association is one of the best discussions in my life." Moiraine pulls back to ensure that their gazes will meet.

"Well, that is reassuring to know, My Pufferfish." Siuan leans and kisses her cheek.

While Moraine may not always relish Siuan's love of fishing metaphors, the use of that nickname makes her feel that their estrangement and difficulty communicating isn't going to be the end of their story when Siuan isn't facing the pressures of the employment courts and the White Tower influence. In some way, she feels like a pufferfish, rapidly coming to the other woman's defence.

"After we left the White Tower and that final breakout, I would spend hours litigating and relitigating our conversations, trying to figure out a way to say things differently or bridge a gap between our two ideological positions." Moiraine confesses with a sad smile.

"Lan's people have a long history of orators, and in some ways, I wish that the White Tower places some focus on skills outside the strict academic requirements and after-school activities. Let what to do when there is a schism amongst the White Tower." Siuan asks with a weary smile.

"When we were students, there was never enough time for us to focus on and nurture our relationship outside the common ground of reaching academic security. These circumstances are less than ideal, but perhaps we can infuriate Elaidia all the more by being objectively happy rather than scrabbling in the ruin." Moiraine suggests with a hopeful look.

"Oh, that woman would find a happy Siuan Sanche galling; I think she genuinely wants me in the rags of the poorest villager. Remember that the Sanche were only impoverished when measured against the White Tower orbit." Siuae declares firmly.

"Yes, I was always uncomfortable comparing the princess and the commoner, especially when I lived outside the Sun Court. If our positions were ever equal, they are now as people who gave our formative years to public service in different ways. There is hope for a new narrative as the Judge and the Legal Scholar." Moiraine teases with an encouraging smile.

"Ah, but that wouldn't sell tickets to the gleeman's shows and fund the literature industry. I think we can try out those titles and the idea of reuniting when we are in the confines of philanthropic work. The glare of the attention will fade." Siuan takes a fortifying breath as if to reassure herself.

"Well, we did fairly well, and we're turning our hand to matchmaking. Perhaps we can source some companionship for Egwene,  Rand, and Matt if we find our free time going idle," Moiraine encourages teasingly.

"Insomuch as we stayed in their orbit and forced proximity in service of my future. There is no need to consider the lives of the children; they will figure out their lives faster than we will at any event." Siuan runs a tender hand down Moiraine's back.

Moiraine wishes they could stay here dancing forever; in a way, afternoons and evenings like this are a safe and secure bubble. Soon, the demotes of Siuan found a new position, the settlement negotiations. While they are confident that Siuan will gain and gather compensation and an apology, the moments will be a brutal fight to the finish line. The sunken costs were too far gone for the White Tower to back down without a whimper.

"Ah yes, I don't think they will leave my orbit even after their clerkship ends; Egwene seeks to attain the bench one day."

***

"Don't crow in victory yet, but thank you for the encouragement."

Moiraine and Siuan learn Nynaeve's habits, mannerisms and defences over the last few weeks and months defending Siun, and it is strange to see her making the opening gambet when the three women meet at the drinks table. Traditional Makari drinks are a personal favourite. Nynaeve's hair flickers in the light.

"Honestly, I think our help was marginal at best. You can talk to Lan in a way that few people, if anyone, can, and this is coming from somebody who has known Lan most of his life. The way you approach trauma and the need to address pain is similar and complementary." Moiraine says as they sit down on one of the long benches.

"Even so, I am grateful that Siuantold didn't tell into her second career before we could talk clearly about what we were doing and the shape of a possible future outside working on legal cases and employment defences." Nynaeve keeps her eyes on Lan, who is on the opposite side of the room.

The three women watch as the king in exile holds court, talking passionately about the needs of his people in their present, even though many people consign civil work to the unfortunate side of the history books. Lan may not enjoy this type of thing, but he is an expert orator and brings all the right elements of souring grandeur and pain into the mix.

"Well, in that case, you are welcome. We wouldn't let our dear friend throw the chance away, even if he had all the noble reasoning in the world." Moiraine feels confident speaking for them both.

"Oh, Lan would eventually untangle his thoughts on that matter, but the odds were even on whether or not that would have been in this decade or the next." Nynaeve manages a tone that is somewhere between fond and exasperated.

"Well, if my timings are correct and Cadsuane’s negotiation skills hold, then I won't be the centre of everyone's universe anymore. It will be delightful to have conversations that don't revolve around strategy and the best ways to handle legal outcomes." Siuan agrees with a weary sigh.

"Lest we can face the challenge of needing a shared purpose and justice. Although listening to the talks and making connections through the museums means we will broaden the quest." Nynaeve waves her hand in a vague, encompassing gesture.

"Oh, that is for sure. We will be here for the yearly fundraisers." Moraine reaches out and squeezes Nynaeve's forearm.

Siuan and Moiraine guide Nynaeve to the biggest group of supporters and fundraisers: patrons, former refugees who find success in other realms, and the leaders of not-for-profit groups.

***

"Thank you for accompanying me, Siuan Sanche."

"It was either being here with you, Moiraine, or thinking about you dressed up for the noble fundraising night." Siuan leans over and kisses her cheek.

Moiraine enjoys seeking resolution. Her opinions and legal briefs on the court are renowned for being concise but detail-heavy. However, there is a certain point when they must acknowledge that their relationship will always be a sore and tender stop, rubbing raw nerves and desperation.

"Well, I hope the White Tower will see the value in settling quietly with our negotiated terms. Then we can make the decision to have a coffee date and get to know each other again." Moiraine manages a hopeful smile.

"Can we make a pack not to talk about anything serious and do all those dating things that people who weren't students in a competitive law programme, like going to the movies, spending days at the beach or hiking?" Siuan picks up the thread of the conversation.

Moraine pauses as she is awash with memories. There was so much fun, lightness, and laughter in their early relationship, but those moments always wove between the demands of the White Tower. The legal institution has been considered one of the best in the world for decades. The metrics of elitism aside, Moiraine and Siuan find equal motivation to succeed. Their romance was central and grounding but also secondary if they needed to compete for a clerkship or placement.

"Remember when we would joke about returning to a small Tearian fishing village and starting a not-for-profit legal service for the downtrodden?" Moiraine smiles always dreamily.

During those impossibly hard exam seasons when people were vindictive against scholarship kids and nobility alike for different reasons, they would dream about the future. The nebulous and shapeless thing would have a definition in the form of their life as a couple, free from careers that demand all of their time. One or both would bring more details each night to make things real.

"Where would you help me restore a traditional boat with wood staining and original fittings, a secondary occupation for somebody who does not have the making of a true fishwife?" Siuan pauses near a picture of the Makari castle.

"I would learn how to cast a net for you or, more effectively, learn how to haggle for fairer prices and working conditions for the people on the boats, especially the younger ones." Moiraine agrees, pausing to read the plaque beside the image.

"You ask me earnestly if I remember those discussions about building a boat that I would name after you, the Lady Blue or something equally sentimental. I would bring out these memories like a warm blanket, a favourite sweater or trinket, something to comfort me in the worst days."

***

Moiraine finds Lan leaning on the balcony.

"I am without sisters or siblings, but that may be a technicality at this point."

Allan Mandragoran is different from a person who seeks the spotlight. Naturally, his temperament leans toward being in the background and influencing change through quieter means. However, you wouldn't know that fact when he commands crowds, talking about love for his people and the hope for peace they represent. Moiraine hears variations of these words countless times but still finds them affecting them each time.

"Well, as nominated sibling, I am so proud of you, my friend."

Moiraine leans against the railing and gazes at the museum's beautiful grounds, including various trees, plants, and flower beds. The noblewoman remembers chasing Lan around the grounds when they were young adults fundraising for the first interaction of the museum; each of the changes is beautiful and satisfying. The strains of music are soothing and upbeat.

"For making small talk with the fundraisers in full traditional dress or treating Nynaeve as the date and companion that she always was, every implied but never declared?" Lan turns and gives Moiraine an arch look, quoting a favourite book.

"Well, each was a challenge in different ways and takes energy." Moiraine points out, nudging his shoulder affectionately.

"In some ways, you were fortunate to fall in love as a young, idealistic law student full of energy and are returning to the same familiarity. I feel decidedly out of practice as a man in his 40s." Lan huffs out a laugh.

"That's rather like comparing fish and the kingfishers that hunt them, providing different challenges, concerns and moments of vulnerability. We do our best not to tread over old scar tissue and pain points." Moiraine huffs out a weary sigh.

"Nynaeve has so many defences but will do everything for people who need her. She sits with saviours, listening to their stories and offering a shoulder to lean on. Few people can sit with trauma in a ball gown and convince philanthropists to part with even more money."

"It's important to remember that she didn't just stumble onto the cause. Nynaeve took up the cause of supporting Siuan and the Makari lands, not only because it guarantees a paycheck but because it means everything to you. The difference between her hours and what's bankable is invaluable." Moiraine squeezes his hand affectionately.

"I think it was so easy to develop feelings because she wouldn't let the tiniest thread go, no matter how many logs she needed to chase down or work through Elaida's many allies and support crew." Lan smiles, a dreamy look on her face.

"We have supported many young legal professionals over the years, but I was lucky with Rand, Nynaeve, and Eylane, each of whom brings many different elements. The situation with Siuan brings together the need for support from all levels of the legal community and employment rights." Moiraine smiles at the memory.

"I am so glad we have enough connections to warn you and give you marshell support in the earliest days of the attacks. The chances are high that Siuan would disappear into the shadows and lick her wounds." Moiraine shutters at the thought.

"We weren't going to let that happen, even if we need to camp in the great hall and refuse to let her get away without a hug and her favourite tea brews. Shall we wander back to the remarkable women in question?" Lan declares with a quick smile.

"Absolutely." Moiraine links their arms together.

Moiraine and Lan take measured steps, pausing to greet the guests who try to catch either one of them or both; Moiraine holds back, knowing that Lan is the celebrity of the night and any other noble people play a secondary role when it comes to the history and future of the Malkari. Lan's passion for the topic makes his natural resilience easy to overcome.

"I hope you weren't scheming a way to hide in the gardens for the rest of the night, even if they were extra appealing tonight. Lan, Nynaeve may negotiate socialised medicine and free legal services through the lands." Siuan warns as she moves up to meet the pair.

"Well, I better interject some caution into the equation." Lan smiles at both his friends before weaving back into the crowds.

"Somehow, I don't think our friend will put up much of a resistance when it comes to your junior lawyer's grand ideals."

Moiraine and Siuan watch as the Lan moves to Nynaeve's side. They do their best not to be small too broadly and fade into the background.

"Dance with me again, Siuan. Now that our efforts to support Nynaeve are no longer needed." Moiraine holds out her hand in an invitation."

Chapter Text

"You won't want to be standing when you hear what I have to say. For that matter, I bloody well don't want to be standing myself."

― Robert Jordan, New Spring

Moraine Damodred adores her friends, but sometimes their insights cut.

"These existential crises of yours usually go faster if you let Lan and I help, rather than getting lost in your head, case law and regrets about the woman who is your wife in all measures but the ones that may bring your joy."

Moraine feels the same cut and jolts whenever Alanna Mosvani casually mentions the enduring connection between Siuan and herself. Her old friend takes so much joy in her polyamorous love that she struggles to conceptualise the backward and forward, clear pain that both women are in. Moraine struggles to explain the notion herself most days.

"I want your opinions on new lands to grass the mares once they are in foal. There are two competing properties; each has its virtues." Moraine attempts to redirect the situation.

The three friends are working along the outskirts of a property. The land agent left minutes ago, having made a convincing case for the mares' health and happiness. There are times when Moraine wishes that she didn't burn with such a fierce ambition and career path, moments like this when she spends the day with friends amongst her horses and other animals.

"I wouldn't phrase my approach in the same way, but you haven't needed advice on your beloved horses since we were twelve, and you fell in love with a stallion with an unreliable temperament. Returning the favour or turnabout is fair play, whichever metaphor works for you."

"Siuan Sanche was a few bad decisions away from letting the scandal swallow her and wasn't even close to reaching out for help or communicating her feelings. It was only because Lan knows so many of Siuan's former students that we were able to intervene." Moiraine begins to explain.

"Yes, that is true enough. Although you make pinning, look like a professional sport, as if you would be able to miss taking Elaida's bait when she makes the connection. Why is the notion tormenting that brilliant brain of yours? " Alanna asks gently, not for the first time.

Moraine hocks her arms through Lan and Alanna's elbow, whimsically moving through the paddocks, watching the horses graze and prance in the sun. She can imagine her favourite horses doing the same things, with Siuan and other people coming for a visit or six. If she always has a difficult relationship with the Damodred fortune, at least there are ways to use it for things like historical horse bloodlines.

"I am worried that Siuan's stubborn pride will make her do the same thing when leaving the White Tower for the last time, retreating into melancholy thoughts as she looks at the difference between the past hopes and future uncertainties, along with the occasion fish metaphors. I'm trying to figure out a way to prevent this from happening, but I’m not coming up with a solution." Moraine confesses, feeling embarrassment flush on her cheeks.

"Well, lay out your strategies so far, and the two of us can help look for the main contenders and plan the flash mob," Lan promises, squeezing his friend's arm affectionately.

"We spent most of our time as students writing notes back to each other. My parents love handwriting, which was before the days of personal computer usage was widespread. I was thinking about leaving a few keepsakes in the shape of folded cranes, citing all the reasons that I love her. including framing the first article she published." Moraine sounds somewhere between hopeless and happy.

"Well, that does some adorable and something that I will revisit in the future; what would your core message be, Judge Damodred?" Alanna asks, switching into the mode of an interrogator

"That she has retained the fundamentals of her personal and professional integrity.

***

Siuan Sanche is remarkable and ordinary at the end.

For a woman who led the White Tower with such diligence and brilliance for over a decade and who faced the worst of a hostile takeover, the ending is almost gentle in comparison. The people that work so hard to effect change rally around her. There are many different points of contrast as Moraine watches and works to support the woman who is the centre of her world.

"Do you think they are going to throw me a generic White Tower farewell party?" Siuan asks, her words grim with an element of certainty.

"Don't be absurd; the pride within that leadership team is enough to power a small to medium-sized city. They won't want to risk having you or our dream team on centre stage. The changes are too high that Alanna would play your greatest hits and remind them of their foolishness in even entertaining Elaida's notions." Moraine doesn't bother to hide her rage.

"Alanna and the boys are thinking of doing anything foolish sentimental like a surprise walk down graduate lane, are they?" Siuan's eyes widened in horror at the new thought.

"There was talk, but I am quick to remind them that while you remain brilliant at politics and diplomacy, you have endured a lifetime of small talk and partying. Instead, there will be a small party at your favourite fish restaurant with the handful of people you love." Moraine wraps her arms around Siuan's waist.

"I am grateful for you being my knight in shining and fancy travel robes." Siuan leans back into her touch.

"There may be a time when your relationship with the White Tower may be different, but the mess is too much for anyone to deal with on such a broad scale. Therefore, you will not argue with me when I set up a portfolio of investments and savings accounts from personal assets. Before you protest, everything is above and within legal protections." The older woman slides over a folder.

"I...."

"Don't need charity or anything of the kind, and that is the last thing on my mind as a person with enough money to fund several small nations." Cusuwine starts sown her former student.

"I left my pride something near the shore of Tear when I was an uncertain scholarship student, right through to a terrified former dean." Siuan reaches out and takes the folder.

***

There is a loss of something indefinable, and it hurts the most.

"The stain will always remain no matter how many tribunals rule in my favour."

Siuan and the rest of the team are reviewing the summary judgements and offers from the White Tower. The withdrawal and reshaping of Elaida's position and influence prevent a surprising victory if a small one. Moraine trains her young lawyers well, and Nynaeve and Rand go through documents with speed and efficiency. Siuan wants to read things only a little.

"It may feel like that right now, but the new cycles are already easing and losing interest in the everyday details." Moraine reaches and grasps her hand without conscious thought.

"Until they dig up the next student or a random woman in Tear." Siuan points out grimly

Moraine feels heartbroken at the idea of people dredging through Siuan's past and looking for evidence. Everyone has the right to a sense of privacy and respect. That is true for every human being, especially for a woman who beats all odds. Suppose she could get away with such a grand gesture. She would take Siuan away for a month-long holiday to give the other woman the space to breathe.

"I know it's a grim feeling that Elaida and the rest of her cronies appear to get off without punishment, but appearances are frequently deceiving. She put all the resources available into vengeance without considering a different reality when people did fall at her feet." Nynaeve points out this in her usual and measured tone.

Moraine Damodred has a singular focus when returning to Tar Valon in Siuan's defence. Still, she doesn't experience forging close bonds with the junior lawyers, even if there was a rough beginning with Nynaeve, who firmly believes in wealthy legal institutions like the White Tower. However, the sense of justice keeps everything steadfast.

"Nynaeve and the others have been keeping track of the latest developments, and the foolish woman is doing everything she can to retreat to her family's ancestral lands, to the best of our knowledge, did not receive a warm reception." Lan smiles at her girlfriend.

"I haven't thought about that woman for decades, and now she will be sitting on more shoulders for the next few years, which may be a level of victory. My therapist is going to have a field day with my efforts to deconstruct these last few months." Siuan declares while reaching for another bread roll.

"There will be moments when objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, or whatever that musical fable goes, you won't face the haunting alone." Moraine continues to weave their hands tighter, rubbing the rough palms where the scars and calluses are familiar and beloved.

"Well, that did start to get through to me the second or third time you wouldn't let me fall into a funk of despair and desperation." Siuan leans over and kisses Moraine's cheek.

***

"If my Papa could see me now, his heart would break all over all for the girl he sent away for that illustrious education."

Moraine paid for the most expensive professional movers long ago; they weren't going down that cliched route for the end of a career. It's different from the neat packing containers, and items present a wonderful alternative, but at least Moraine and Alanna can privately assist. Their friend insists on being here for at least a week to knock some sense into her friends in whatever form becomes available to her innovative and ingenious mind.

"Nonsense. The Sanchez family lives by overcoming and surviving in all contexts. You have done that and more beyond anyone's expectations." Alanna counters while carefully arranging a tall stack of files.

"Of all the ways that I expected it to end, it seems unfair that it wasn't even a narrative about our torrid affair throughout the decades; at least that would have been worthwhile." Siuan chuckles cynically.

Moraine cannot help but agree; she craves those years back when they could have gone through the earliest days of their careers as a team without nursing the pain and heartbreak. She would have done anything and everything except take the courageous step to communicate meaningfully.

"We wouldn't be good at the idea of secrecy and meetings in dark corners; it would have made my assentation to the bench more challenging. I would have liked the chance to try.." Moraine smiles wistfully.

Regret about her relationship with Siuan and grief over the Damodred family tree are familiar feelings that have lingered in her bones for decades. There are fringes of these feelings that are close to the surface, even when they have joint 'missions' like supporting Nynaeve and Lan or mentoring young legal scholars. At least now, they can confront things directly: acute pain versus the long-term challenge.

"Sometimes I reach for my phone, dialling Papa's number, even though he has been dead for years. He is one of the few people to see both the relationship and the aftermath." Siuan smiles sadly at the idea.

"I would have loved the opportunity to prove his instincts about me correct, not that we could get away from the White Tower that often." Moraine murmurs wistfully.

"I don't want to make those moments seem any less meaningful, but Papa knew you were an important feature of my life the second I brought you to the fish market, without the reservation of being a scholarship kid trying to impress her peers.

For a second, Moraine remembers going home to Tear with Siuan and meeting her father, uncles, and numerous relatives. For somebody whose formative memory was around the Sun Throne and Court, warmth and connection come from a more genuine family dynamic. Those times even inspire Moraine to reach out to her sisters. The siblings will never have the closest bond with such different life paths, but at least the obligatory talks are friendly. Moraine knows the details about her growing nieces and nephews.

"My most enduring memory is his pride in you and all those reports and keepsakes you would send home. You were the light of his life. A feeling that I'm familiar with, in more ways than one."

It seems like the easiest thing in the world to talk to Siuan about those memories, trying to bring the other woman out to her dark thoughts. She feels a surge of triumph when Siuan's shoulders start to relax with each reflection. Her hands move idly, moving the files and keepsakes from her office. Moraine continues talking, moving seamlessly between holidays in Tear and long weekends around Tar Valon.

***

"Should you want to come back? There will be a place for you here."

"Don't be condescending and absurd; it doesn't suit you, Cadsuane; we both know the parameters and limits of a metaphorical career mercy killing. There is no need to pretend otherwise or build castles in the air that anything could be different." Siuan scuffs, not bothering to hide her disbelief.

"On the contrary, I acknowledge both sides of the coin and the legacy you left as a student, even before returning to a leadership position. It was not without our power to make everything bloodless, but we did everything possible."Cadsuane leans back in her chair, carefully looking at the younger woman.

"What do you want from me? a secular version of absolution?" Siuan throws up her hands.

"Siuan, I refuse to let all your years of work go to waste. You do not necessarily have the luxury of starting from scratch when the competition in the legal profession gets worse with every graduating class. The reputation that legal scholars and academics have is unfair and unfounded, but it persists. Do not let your pride limit your achievements." the older woman steeples her fingers.

"Fine, what would this benevolence look like when you return to the White Tower leadership and wrangle budget and influence in the face of such a media firestorm?" Siuan challenges again

Moraine sits in the back of the room, carefully watching these interactions; she doesn't strictly need to be there any more than she needs to oversee the removal of Sian's final things from the White Tower. So far, Cadsuane has proven herself to be a distant but firm ally who helps minimise the damage. Still, Moraine wants to be able to protect Siuan if the money talks get out of hand.

"We have enough connections with the legal services outside the influence of the White Tower and Tar Valon to give you a starting point. You have core legal passions that you were fully able to explore as dean of the law school." is the crisp and exacting reply.

"A mutually beneficial exchange of hush money, resources and engagement, should any of the legal trials and trials come undone?" Siuan asks, but there is less heat in her words.

"The White Tower is fighting on many fronts as a legacy institution in a changing world. The least we can do is ensure that there is less collateral damage while cleaning up the mess that was regrettably inflicted on more than you, the dean at the time."

"I find it intriguing that you are losing your status as a mysterious woman who does not interfere in White Power politics. The legendary woman who lays the foundations and then walks away at the height of your powers? What changes things now?" Moraine asks, leaning forward, glowering speciously.

"There is no need to look so protective and forceful, Judge Damodred. It was you who introduced me to the dance in the first place. My intentions are honourable or at least as possible." Cadsuane gives her former student an indulgent look.

***

"There are ten subspecies of willow and associated trees in the Catherien border, and several of those have been introduced to Tar Valan and the White Tower environment."

One way Siuan adjusts to her new life and the 'drop' that comes after the weeks and months of fighting is by going for long walks with whoever is obliging around the expansive grounds of the place that has been her home for decades. There is a spell of good weather that she wants to enjoy.

"I would be the last person alive to doubt the wonderous and expansive recall of a Damodred scholar, Darling, but I'm going to need some context clues."

"When we broke up, some of my many varied techniques were more successful than others. I used to get through those joint facility meetings and clerkships with the judges by recounting the facts to myself, drawing on endless trivia. There was a whole phase where I could reconnect the history of the tree and plant classification system for several continents, a nervous habit." Moraine confesses on a shaky breath.

"That does sound like a unique Moraine way of coping."

"I recall those days with far less rank and heartache than when we were decades younger, but my old trick doesn't seem to work well this time." Moraine confesses wearily

"Would it be comforting to start classifying my favourite fish species and subspecies by region and taxonomic features?" Siuan asks as she slips her hand through the crock of her companion's elbow.

Moraine stops their work and turns so they are facing each other. The space is one of the many expansive parks and green spaces, a quieter corner away from the families and enthusiastic kite flyers. There has never been a perfect time or place for their long and meandering relationship.

"I have been wracking my brains for a grand gesture that would come close to being compensated with the sense of loss that you are experiencing, even when we can claim that this is an ideal outcome. It turns out threading that needle was tricker than inviting a five-year-old to cast their first line." Moraine sighs mournfully, reaching out and tucking a strain of hair behind Siuan's ear.

"So that is Alanna hanging around like a shipyard cat looking for points of weakness. Her neverending quest to be our champions." Siuan muses, her eyes lighting up at solving the mystery.

"In fairness to our friend, she has been diligent in helping me cycle through ideas, each more elaborate and sentimental than the last. That woman has a frightening level of recall when it comes to our misspent youth and adventures. It was a fair bit that you wouldn't see the point in a scavenger hunt from one end of Tar Valon to another or skywriter?" Moraine asks, tilting her head with a knowing smile.

"Please, I wouldn't have the patience for the first and would shy away from the latter. Our youth was well spent, at least until everything went wrong."

They continue walking, each reflecting on the memories and what they mean to each other. Moraine feels some pressure ease in her chest and can take a full (if still shaky) breath. It's important to remember that they are no longer in the communication impasse of being ex-lovers who are still distraught by the sense of betrayal and fear. While she is still taking one step back, she is still keeping from losing ground.

'You don't think opening up your apartment and listening to my never-ending agonies on matter counts as valuable? Siuan asks quietly.

"Only partially, when I know that pain is to come without an enemy to face, a case to build, and the steps for survival. It's the height of unfairness that you must chart a new path, even with the shiny protection of being technically exonerated from wrongdoing." Moiriane explains, a sense of true agony in her voice.

"Are you planning to let more than a decade pass before we connect when on the other side of the planet?" Siuan asks with a challenging look.

"Yes, of course, I couldn't stand anything else." Moraine agrees quickly, a firm commitment in her voice.

Siuan guides them to their favourite park bench, hiding under large trees; more than a few are willows representing Moraine's favourite batonic facts. Judge Damodred cannot help but sit with perfect posture and neatly folded hands. Moiraine can feel those hours of etiquette cases when preparing for this influential and potentially troubling conversation.

"Are you going to race to defend a princeling no matter the crime or the potential counternarratives?" Siuan asks, reaching out to line their hands in a familiar, comforting touch.

"Not that I haven't touched Sun Throne's legal theatrics and tiered justice, but your words from that final night still ring in my head whenever I am close to my homeland.

"Are you going to run off and finally marry your uncle's favourite noble choice and invite me to the wedding on expensive stationery with gold leaf?" Siuan asks, a light teasing note in her voice.

"No, I am more likely to devote my life to a 700-page treaty on the corruption of the Sun Throne and the way the nobility should have died out years ago," Moraine says as if she truly plans the notion.

"Are you going to spend hours instructing me on the best way to be a judge's girlfriend on the legal charity circuit?" Siuan asks while bringing their hands closer.

"No, if anything, I need to spend that time figuring out a partner worthy of you, whatever the title that happens to be on my door." Moraine sounds fiercely sad and remorseful.

Moraine will stay quiet after this strange version of law school debate class. Siuan leans back but keeps their hands linked. The other woman has long hair tumbling down her back with a few clips. The edges of new ink and artwork are underneath the casual t-shirt and shawl to keep off the chill.

"Well, in my head, I somehow manage to thread the needle between confessing my feelings and saying that I have faith in Siuan's future path, whatever it may take, in legal and personal circles. Only enough there isn't a script for that, any more than there was for learning to love her as a naive student." Moraine sighs, an uncertain note in her voice.

"Siuan has never expected you to woo her with perfect words or fine orchestra refrains. We will figure out how to put the pieces together like we did when everything fell apart with Elaida." Alanna tugs her friend towards the river at the back of the property.

Moraine cannot help but smile as she listens to her friends debate the topic as they pick their way through the footpaths and trails. Alanna and Lan aren't mocking her or bringing up the mistakes from the past; they only recognise that they have two friends who need guidance and support for different levels of pain and difficulties.

"Well, Pufferfish, there aren't many mistakes to make when placing your next step on the type rope of our new relationship, but that doesn't mean it is within your power to improve things for me as this chapter of my life closes with such finality." Siuan's words are gentle, but they strike home hard.

"Only minimise the damage like when you would spend hours obsessing over an obscure part of Tearian law?" Moraine chuckes humourless.

"The death of a dream is a private matter, Dearest Moraine. No matter how much you and the others may want to help with this final step, the grief is something that I must reconcile, the loss and mourning of my faith in the White Tower." Siuan continues to trace her hand gently.

"I worry that you will slip through my fingers like the petals of a flower in autumn. The pain seems to sit in your bones, my friend." Moiraine confesses, looking down at their joint hands.

"My heart will break next week, in two months and during countless moments when I look in the mirror, that doesn't mean I'm going to restore Papa's boat and disappear into the sunset with a gleeman's tale at my back." Siuan swears, a level of promise and solemnity in her voice.

"Well, I would be against that as long the tides remain favourable and safe if you find happiness looking out at the horizon and watching Kingfishers dive, not maybe there is a middle ground between the heights of Tar Valon and western Tear." Moraine offers, hopefully.

"If there is, I will find it without disappearing like a whisp of smoke in the night. Whatever happens, we will make decisions as a team, even if my thoughts will occasionally turn bleak." Siuan premises, wiping away a quick tear.