Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

‘When April and I first met, I was absolutely enamored by her.. it wasn’t even that she was just the first girl I ever met, she was the epitome of beauty to me.

‘Over the next few years of my life, I did anything and everything to get her attention. She knew that I liked her but never turned me away and told me she wasn’t interested. I continued to do her favors and treat her very special with the hope she’d maybe think I was special too… but she never did.

‘I even confronted her about it, telling her that I finally understood that I was bothering her, and she had the audacity to say that I was “her mutant”.

‘After that day, I assumed that meant she did have feelings for me. but I’d make her coffee or update her tPhone and she still gave me the same treatment as before. Just playing with my heart as if I didn’t have feelings at all…

‘Did she not understand me? Did I misunderstand her? Why else would’ve she called me “her mutant”?!’

Donnie slammed his notebook shut pushing it forward on his desk a bit before leaning back in his swivel chair. He pressed his hands to his face feeling defeated. He wanted to scream. He wanted to smash something. There had to be something he could do to make himself feel at least a little better.

Soft footsteps could be heard coming towards him. Donnie pulled his hands away from his face trying to pretend he wasn’t just holding back tears. He glanced towards the door seeing his brother’s blue mask as he pretended to be working on something. “I’m kinda busy.. if this could wait till tomorrow that would be great..” Don lied.

Leo walked around Donatello’s desk leaning against it as he looked at him. “Actually, I don’t think this can wait any longer.. I’m worried about you.. we’re worried about you,” he corrected.

“I’m fine. Truly, Leo. You know I enjoy trying to fix the team’s problems-“

“Not that. This is about April.” Donnie looked down at his desk. “I hate seeing you like this, Donnie. She doesn’t like you.. and I know you know that. Every time you are about to actually start listening to that little voice in your head, she does something that makes you start thinking with your heart again. This cycle isn’t good for your mental health.. and I know you know it. She’s messing with you. You have to let her go.”

Donatello sighed before pushing out one of those lies he kept telling himself without even thinking, “She just needs time..”

“If she needs time, then you need to give her space. You need to stop this before you hurt yourself. I’ve never seen you this depressed before.”

“I’m not depressed-“

“Don.” Leo looked at him until Donnie made eye contact with him. Leonardo could tell Donnie knew he was right. He could see the pain in his eyes and he could especially see the tears that started filling them up. “She’s toying with you.. we can’t let you go through this anymore..” Donnie could hear the pain in his voice.

Leo held out his arms fully standing up so he could hug his brother. Donnie instantly stood up and wrapped his arms around Leo’s shell. He buried his face into Leo’s shoulder and just broke down. Leo held him as tight as he could letting Donnie cry into his shoulder.

He rubbed his carapace gently. “We’re all here for you no matter what.. all of us are going to help you through this.. I know it hurts but this will be good for you..”

“I know..” Donnie said between sobs. “I really needed you to do this..”

“I figured… I wasn’t sure when you were going to come to this conclusion yourself.”

Donnie pulled away from the hug slightly, wiping his eyes with his arm. “I think I was close..”

“Like I said.. we are here for you. I think you should come to bed now..”

Donnie nodded as he finished wiping the tears out of his eyes.

“Come sleep with me tonight.. I don’t want you being alone right now..”

“Ok..”

Leo put his arm around him and led him out of the lab. Mikey and Raph were sitting by the tv. They knew why Leo went into the lab. They knew Leo was going to make it clear that they were all there for him. Donnie glanced at them both for a moment. Mikey seemed heartbroken and even Raph was sorrowful.

“Don?” Raphael spoke up. Leo stopped a moment letting Raph talk to their brother. Donnie looked at him. “If there is anything any of us can do to help, let us know.”

Donnie nodded once. “Thanks..” he said in a small voice before continuing to Leo’s room.

•••••••••••••••

‘Last night was a long night. I spent most of it crying while Leo held me. It was nice to have him there but I know he really only wanted to keep an eye on me so I didn’t do anything to hurt myself physically. I really don’t blame him. If any of us were going to commit suicide, I’d know how to do it quickly and painlessly.. and honestly, that is concerning.

‘Regardless of why he wanted me with him, I’m glad I was. He really was a huge help. He said the first night would be the worst and he was right. When I woke up this morning, I felt a lot better. It still hurts like hell but I can function without crying.

‘Everything reminds me of her.. the coffee I’m currently neglecting, this notebook I’m writing in, the color yellow..

‘I’m not even mad at her. I want to believe she is a good person. I want to believe she didn’t mean to hurt me, but I don’t know if that’s true.. right now, I can’t see her.

‘Leo said we are all going to take a few days off.. I guess he is just hoping Karai and her Foot Clan can take care of any threats on the surface. I feel bad that he’s benching us all because of me but none of my brothers complained and I appreciate that. He is giving me some time to get some breakfast then he wants me to meditate with him and Sensei, but I’m not hungry.

‘I feel like shit. I couldn’t eat even if I wanted to….’

Donnie looked up from his notebook when he heard someone coming towards him. He recognized the sleepy footsteps and soft yawns as Mikey’s. He closed the notebook putting his pencil in the spiral spine.

“G’mornin’,” Mike greeted. “I’m making pancakes. You want any?” he asked with a smile.

Michelangelo’s smile had always been contagious. Donnie smiled back. “No, thanks. I’m not hungry.”

“Ok.. but if I have leftover batter you’ll get some mini pancakes ok?”

Donnie chuckled. “Ok.” He drank the last few sips of his coffee as Leo came into the kitchen.

“Good morning, guys,” Leo smiled.

“Morning, Leo!” Mikey smiled back brightly.

“Donnie, you ready?” he asked looking at his taller brother.

“I guess so..” he stood up. Mikey took Donnie’s mug and started washing it for him.

“Then let’s go. Sensei is waiting for us.” Leo started leading the way. Donnie followed him, leaving his notebook on the kitchen island.

Master Splinter sat in the dojo. His eyes were closed. Leonardo sat on the floor across from their Sensei and Donnie sat next to him.

Their Sensei opened his eyes after he heard them. He looked across at his sons. Of course, Leo had talked to Splinter about the whole Donnie and April situation. He thinks Leo did the right thing in telling Donnie, but he was confident Donnie would come to that conclusion on his own in time.

Leonardo was the son that would meditate with him the most often. When he looked across at him, he looked calm and well rested regardless of him staying up most of the previous night with Donnie. Donatello almost never meditated with him. Raphael was more likely to meditate than him. He looked at him and his expression was very different from Leo’s. He looked calm but his eyes were red. He didn’t look well rested at all and the only reason he was awake was the caffeine from the coffee he just drank. His mouth was turned down slightly.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Sensei asked simply. Donnie looked up at him for a moment before shaking his head and looking back down. “Later then..”

“I was thinking maybe we could learn some of the techniques you used 18 years ago..” Leo started, “How you got over having to leave the whole world behind when we mutated.”

“Ah, yes..” Master Splinter brought a hand up to his chin to stroke his beard gently. “Meditation was crucial in that time of our lives… any time you four were asleep, I would meditate. In many ways, that was the hardest point in my life. Losing all that I knew and thinking I would never be anything again… but what kept me going was the four of you. If you would not have been there, been my responsibility, I cannot imagine that I would still be here today..”

“Are you saying you would’ve… taken your own life.. if it wasn’t for us?” Donnie asked looking up at him.

“Yes. I believe if I was not responsible for you I would have thought I lost my purpose that day we were created. I tried to start anew here in New York. I tried to find a new reason to be. If I had been mutated alone, I would not be here.”

“Are you saying I should get a turtle?” Donnie asked.

Their Sensei chuckled. “No. What I am saying is that you should focus on your place in this world… your place in this family. I know it may seem like you have lost everything, but you have not. Merely, the girl you loved.. but if she truly did not love you in return, this will be good for you.”

“Hai, Sensei.. I just feel so hurt…” Donnie confessed.

“I know, my son. It was wrong of her to treat your feelings like that.. whether or not she meant to hurt you. I will talk with her and make sure this cycle does not start again.”

“No! You don’t have to do that…”

“I am going to talk to her not for you, but because if she wants to become a kunoichi, she needs to learn to respect her fellow ninjas,” Splinter spoke.

“Hai, Sensei..” Don would be lying if he said he wasn’t going to be embarrassed that his father was still fighting his battles.. but he couldn’t confront April again. At least not yet..

“Now. For the meditation techniques I used…” their Sensei pushed his finger tips together as it was the way he always meditated. Donatello mirrored his movements while Leo pressed his whole hands to each other. Donatello guessed they each had a different way of doing things. “Exact position does not matter, Donatello.” Splinter noted as he saw his son look at what his brother and Sensei were doing. “Do what feels most natural and comfortable..”

Donatello pressed his palms to his legs but then shifted to have his hands together like Leo’s settling them between his knees.

“I am going to teach you both a mantra that I used 18 years ago…” Their Sensei closed his eyes then quoted softly: “Tsuyo-sa… chie… nintai… nintai-ryoku… kazoku….” It sort of seemed like he added that last word on the spot.

Both Leo and Donnie repeated the Japanese words out loud together also closing their eyes. Leo, who was almost fluent in Japanese, knew what they meant already. Donnie was about to ask what they meant but Splinter must’ve read his mind.

“It means strength, wisdom, patience, perseverance, and family.. the things I wished to have when I felt the most alone, the things I focused on when I felt the most alone.”

Chapter Text

‘The past few days have been… interesting to say the least… I never thought this day would come, but I haven’t been in my lab for longer that 10 minutes at a time since the whole me and April talk. I’ve been meditating every day and it’s really weird… it’s actually helping?? I never imagined it to be so calming to just sit there and focus..

‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I truly believe that April didn’t mean to hurt me.. She’s a sweet girl. Why would she enjoy making me feel that way? Especially when my most protective brother is Raph. Yeaah… Raphael could take her out easily with his eyes closed AND both arms tied behind his back.. She just didn’t know how it made me feel… but even when I gave her the opportunity to turn me down, she said I was hers… it’s still a bit confusing.. but I’m doing better..

‘My brothers have been amazing about this whole thing. Mikey offers to make me food all the time and he lets me be player one when we play video games (it doesn’t mean a lot to me but I know how much player one means to him so it’s really nice of him). Raph actually hugged me the other day and I know that was a big deal so that meant a lot to me too. I kind of expected him to say “told you so” about this whole situation but he didn’t. Leo has always been there. He still comes with me to meditate. He’s even suggested we do yoga together.

‘I haven’t seen April in about a week.. she probably doesn’t even know that anything is different in me yet. Maybe she does.. I haven’t bothered her in a while.. luckily she hasn’t made any surprise visits to the lair. I think I could see her.. but I’d need to mentally prepare first. I don’t hate her. I just hate how she makes me feel. I hate that I can’t be with her… Why can’t we be like Raph and Mona Lisa…

‘Leo thinks we can go back on patrol again tonight. I think we can too. It’ll be nice to get some fresh air again. Get a change of scenery. Have a new distraction…

‘Tsuyo-sa… chie… nintai… nintai-ryoku… kazoku… strength, wisdom, patience, perseverance, and family… the things I should be focusing on right now…’

Donatello looked up from his notebook as Leo walked into their main living space from the dojo. Leo had his twin katana on his carapace.

“We have a small change in plans..” Leo started, “Karai texted me. She intercepted one of Shredder’s supply routes. She needs you to look over some tech she stole.. so we’ll be heading out early. Is that ok?”

Donatello nodded. “Yeah, of course. I’ll grab my bo.”

“I’ll get the other guys,” Leo nodded once at him before heading towards their rooms.

Donatello stood up and headed towards the dojo where the others soon met him to get their weapons as well. They headed topside.

•••••••••••••••

Leo led them all back to Shredder’s old lair, where Karai was currently hiding out. They snuck in through the roof like they normally would to keep a low profile. Karai was sitting in Shredder’s throne with Shinigami on her right.

“You four got here fast,” Karai smiled as she stood up. “I really only needed Donatello though.. figured you’d come to see me too, Leo?” she teased.

Leo chuckled softly. “I figured I’d bring everyone just in case there was an emergency..” he rubbed the back of his neck.

“You always have to be so prepared like that… it makes you such a good leader..” she smirked.

“uhm- can you two not do that now?” Donnie spoke up. “Where is this tech I’m supposed to be looking at?..”

Karai turned from Leo to look at Shini. She went and got a box and brought it to Donnie. He started looking through the box.

“If you seriously brought us all here so you could flirt with Karai-” Raph started to whine.

“That was not flirting,” Mikey cut him off. “This is.” He ran his fingers over his head before walking towards Shinigami accidentally kicking one of the pieces of tech Donnie had removed from the box. It hit the wall, bounced back about a yard and exploded leaving a black mark on the floor.

Karai’s eyes widened. “Ok, so they are explosives. If I would’ve known it would’ve been that easy to figure out, you guys wouldn’t have had to come.”

“I’m afraid it’s not quite that simple… they are all different kinds of explosives..” Donnie continued to look through the box now being extra careful.

“Shini, your beauty struck me like a blow dart straight through my heart,” Mikey paired the horrible line with a dramatic pose where he put his hands over his heart.

Shinigami giggled softly which only made Mikey try again. Raph rolled his eyes while Leo face palmed. This wasn’t flirting either…

“Ninjas do it best at night. Let me show you!” Mikey wiggled his eyebrows (or at least where his eyebrows would be if he had them). “Sword? Yeah! I have a sword. Let me unsheathe it for you-”

“Ok- can someone please get Mikey out of my space??” Donnie asked annoyed with his brother’s antics.

Mikey ducked away while Shini laughed slightly at the turtle’s trashy pick up lines. “Where does he come up with these?”

“What’s it looking like, Donnie?” Leo asked taking a few steps toward his brother, Karai following close behind him.

“These are all designed for a different purpose…” he looked up at Karai. “Luckily, the one Mikey kicked wasn’t anything serious in this setting… until I figure out which bomb reacts to which circumstance I don’t think you’ll have much use for them…” Donnie looked over them again. “Like this one.” He pointed to a black disc with a yellow center. “This one is filled with electricity. It probably would react most violently with water or it could possibly short out other electricity.. but there are some that wouldn’t be as easy to figure out…”

“So what do you suggest we do with them?” Karai asked.

“I’d take them with me.. but if there is too much change in environment one might go off and I don’t want to see what happens when one goes off in it’s intended atmosphere…” Donnie put his hand on his chin. “Put them somewhere safe till I have a chance to look at them more closely?” he shrugged.

“What would Karai even need them for? Can’t we just dispose of them?” Leo asked.

“If Shredder wanted them, they aren’t good news,” Karai spoke. “As far as we know, there could be a bomb in there that is specifically designed to kill you four..”

“Karai’s right. I should look them over.. there might be one that can stop mutants that we could potentially use against threats..” Don looked up at Leo.

“If your going to look at them, you need to be extremely careful..” Leo started helping Donnie put them back into the box.

‘click’

Donatello and Leo instantly looked at each other. “What was that…” Leo asked.

“What was what?!” Raph asked walking to his brothers.

‘beep-beep-beep’

“Beeping should never be coming from bombs..” Mikey said as he hid behind Leo.

“Donnie..”

“Give me a second-” he started looking through the box again finding the one that was set to blow.

“Please tell me that’s another dud..” Karai said looking at it.

“There’s no way to know yet..” Donnie bit his lip.

“Can you disarm it?!” Shinigami asked.

“I hope so…” Donnie looked over the bomb. It was a black disc with what appeared to be a mutagen core. “Oh no… ok- we have a few options…” Donnie was cut off by his tPhone that started to ring. He put it to his ear without even looking who it was. “Now is really not the time- I’m currently holding a bomb-” he quickly pulled the phone away from his ear holding it to Leo. “It’s April-”

“Hey.. April- sorry, Donnie is sorta preoccupied-” Leo started before he was cut off by screaming on the other line. “Don, we need to go. April needs us.”

“We need Donnie here right now,” Karai spoke up. “There is a bomb-“

“April is specifically asking for Donnie-” Leo said holding the phone away from his ear while there was another scream.

“Take Raph. I have to deal with this,” Donatello said as he gently pried open a panel on the bomb.

Leo looked at Donnie then at Raph. “April, we will be there as soon as we can,” he spoke into the phone before hanging up and giving the phone to Mikey. Leo and Raph left Karai’s lair without any more hesitation.

“What do you need us to do, Donnie?” Karai asked.

“This bomb could either just disperse mutagen everywhere or it could possibly already have dna inside it which would mean when it detonates, we’d have a mutant on our hands. Either way, I need all of you to get out of this room.”

“Can’t we just like put it in a baggie so the explosion will be contained?” Mikey asked hopefully.

“Donnie, just let it go- we can take a monster if that’s what it makes, let’s just all get out of here and wait for it to blow,” Karai said urgently.

“There is no way to know how big the explosion could be. Its not a lot of mutagen, but it doesn’t take much to mutate someone..” Donnie started. “If it blows, it could at least blow up part of your lair and it could mutate anything outside the building.”

“What if the bomb didn’t have mutagen in it?” Mikey asked.

“Only half of the problem would be solved,” Karai answered for Donnie as he tried to work.

Mikey grabbed the bomb from Donnie setting it down on the floor before hitting the center of the bomb with his nunchuck.

“Mikey, why would you do that?!” Donnie was freaking out.

The bomb continued to beep but the mutagen slowly poured out of the center. He slid it back to Donnie.

“We’ll that takes care of one problem…” Donnie looked over the wiring in the bomb.

“Just no body step there…” Mikey said pointing at the small green puddle on the floor.

Donnie started debating which wire to cut when the beeping slowed to a stop.

“We’ll that was anti-clipmactic,” Mikey whined.

“Anticlimactic, Mikey..” Donnie corrected.

“What happened?” Shinigami asked.

“I have no idea.. maybe the mutagen wasn’t the threat, but the power source..” Donnie thought as he looked it over. “Either way, I’d rather not look at the rest of them now- that was too much excitement for one night..” he was very gentle as he set it back in the box.

“I’ll get some Foot Soldiers in here to take these down to the dungeon. We’ll make sure none of the rest of them go off.” Karai spoke taking a step back from the box. “And, of course, have someone clean up that mutagen…”

“What could Shredder possibly need all of these bombs for?” Donatello thought out loud.

“You can think about that later,” Karai said. “You two need to go help your brothers and April.”

“Oh, yeah. Right..” Donnie’s phone rang again. Mikey about dropped it as he forgot he was even holding it. Donnie took it and answered. “Donatello- Do you guys have everything under control?” he asked.

“Yeah. It was Snakeweed again..” Leo started on the other line. “April saw him in the street and thought she could handle him alone. How about you guys? Everything ok down there?”

“Yeah. Everything is good over here. We can talk about it later.”

“We’ll meet you guys back down at the lair. Leo out.”

“Let’s go, Mikey.”

“Thank you both for handling that,” Karai thanked.

Donnie nodded once before he and Mikey disappeared into the shadows.

Chapter Text

‘Last night was a bit… chaotic? hectic?… it was insane… I don’t want to write a whole lot about it, but I’m really surprised with myself. If that would’ve happened a week ago, I would’ve abandoned my team to help April with her problem.. of course, Mikey sort of fixed the whole bomb issue so it wouldn’t have been the end of the world, but still.

‘When we got back to the lair, Leo told me he was proud of me for staying and taking care of the issue at hand and letting them take care of April. I’m just glad Leo and Raph could take care of it.. if there ever was a time that April really needed my help, I’d want to be there.. regardless of the way she’s been treating me, I still love her.

‘I know that we could never be together. I have accepted that. I know she doesn’t love me. But she is still special to me, and I don’t think anything or anyone can change that.

‘I want to try harder. I want to treat her like my brothers do. If I can’t be with her, I just want to be her friend. It’s frustrating, it’s infuriating but I’m close to accepting it.’

Donnie looked up from his notebook when he heard one of his brothers say her name. He turned around and she was there. April was in their lair. He quickly turned back around. He did not have enough time to prepare for this- He took a deep breath thinking of the mantra Master Splinter had taught him.

‘Tsuyo-sa… chie… nintai… nintai-ryoku… kazoku…’

Then she sat next to him. “Hey, D. Missed you last night. I’m actually surprised you didn’t come.. you always come when I ask….” She paused a moment. “The guys told me what you were working on though so it’s a good thing you stayed.”

“Yeah.. could’ve been bad..” he said simply. He didn’t even look at her. he flipped to a new page in his notebook so she wouldn’t see what he had written. He started sketching out the layout of the bomb from what he could remember. He should’ve brought it with him so he could have a segue out of the room so he wouldn’t have to sit next to her. They would never be anything more than friends and that hurt him.

“I’m ordering pizza!” Mikey announced as he entered the room. “Don, any special requests?” he dramatically pointed at his brother.

“Hawaiian?” he suggested.

“I gotchu, Bro,” Mikey smiled softly. He dialed his phone then headed for the kitchen.

April leaned closer to Donnie and he flinched back slightly. “He’s actually letting you get pineapple on your pizza- I requested Hawaiian once and he gagged..”

“Yeah.. I guess it’s because I saved the day yesterday…” Donnie lied. He knew his brothers were still trying to distract him from the whole April thing, but she was sitting right next to him. It would take a little more than respecting his pizza topping choices to distract him now.

“Really? They told me Mikey technically disarmed it..” April backed up.

Donnie didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say. “I’ll be in my lab if anyone is looking for me..” he stood up.

“Do you need help with anything?” April asked.

“No,” he said maybe a little too harshly. “Not your help anyway..” he muttered under his breath as he walked to his lab.

Donnie sat at his desk leaning on it as he looked over his sketch. He started looking through some of the blue prints he had. It didn’t look like Kraang tech.. maybe it would have similar wiring to Baxter’s mousers..

•••••••••••••

April glanced in the direction of Donnie’s lab before looking towards Leo. “Is Donnie ok?” Leo came towards her. “Does he hate me?”

“That’d be something to ask him..” she stood up. “After we eat. He could just be hangry..” Leo tried to brush it off. “Could just be upset Mikey got the win yesterday..”

“You’re probably right..” April thought she was just overreacting..

“Pizza’s here!” Mikey announced as he reentered the lair. He brought the pizzas to their main area before he sat down by the TV. Leo went to go get Donnie.

Mike watched TV as they ate so April didn’t get a chance to talk to Donnie, and he was grateful for that. He didn’t want a repeat of the last time he told her he wasn’t going to bother her anymore. When April finished her pizza, she turned to Donatello about to ask him something when their Sensei came into the room.

“April. I would like to talk to you if you have a moment,” he spoke. She looked at Donnie who got up and went back to his lab.

“Yeah. Of course, Sensei,” she answered as she stood up and went with him to the dojo.

Donnie knew what this was about. Master Splinter was going to talk to April about the way Donnie was feeling.. he said it was so April could be a better kunoichi, but it still made him feel weird that she was going to know exactly why he was acting weird. Deep down he knew it was for the best, but he really didn’t want their friendship to be ruined… but he might’ve already ruined it..

April sat on the floor in the dojo, their Sensei sat across from her.

“Do you know what this is about?” he asked.

“Not really… but I kinda hope it’s about Donnie..” she replied.

“It is.” He closed his eyes taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “I know he would prefer I did not mention it at all, but you both must know that I am only bringing it up as your sensei and not his father…”

Master Splinter looked at her. He could see the curiosity but also the concern in her eyes. It was real emotion, which lead him to believe she truly didn’t mean to treat Donatello the way she had been.

“The way you have been treating Donatello.. I believe you have been misleading him into thinking you are interested in him. I would not believe you if you said you did not know he liked you.. it is quite obvious..”

“Yeah, I knew he liked me.. I just sorta assumed it would go away?” she started to explain, “like it was just a small thing… but obviously I know it isn’t now…” April looked down.

“How does that make you feel?” he asked.

“Well, I’m kinda flattered that he’s liked me for so long.. it makes me feel good that someone is that interested in me. Every time he’d do something for me, I felt loved. I guess that’s one reason I never told him how I felt…” April began. “I feel bad that I’ve upset him.. I thought the crush would go away so I didn’t take the time to tell him I wasn’t ready to date.. I figured once it did go away he would be embarrassed that I knew, so I kept it to myself…

“When he came to me at the farm house and told me he wasn’t going to bother me anymore, it hurt me. Probably for selfish reasons.. I figured I would miss hearing him geek out or he wouldn’t even want to be friends any more and I’d lose him. The truth is that I care about him a lot. I wasn’t meaning to lead him on, but it just sorta happened… I didn’t want to tell him I didn’t like him because… I don’t know if I don’t like him…”

Her Sensei brought his hand to his chin. He stroked his beard while in thought.

“But I hear you… I’ll apologize to him and I’ll stop playing favorites. I know it was wrong of me…”

“Good,” her Sensei nodded once. “You may go now.”

April was about to stand up. “Wait. Can I talk to you as Donnie’s Father?” He nodded again. “What if I did like him… but I couldn’t tell him because another friend likes me… I don’t want to disappoint anyone…”

“You need to be true to yourself, otherwise, you are disappointing yourself..” Master Splinter said wisely. “Casey will understand. He cares about you. Donatello would understand if it were Casey you liked.”

“I should talk to Donnie,” April said as she stood up.

“April.” She looked at him. “Do not hurt my son again.”

••••••••••••••

‘Right now, Sensei is talking to April. I’m scared to death what this is going to do to April and I… I care about her and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable around me. I want her to continue to be friends with my brothers. I want her to be able to train with Splinter. I want her to be able to count on us to help her.

‘I don’t want her to see me any different.. I don’t want her to see me as some turtle who can’t control his feelings. And since I don’t think she knows how she’s making me feel, I don’t want her to feel bad for me. I don’t want her pity..’

••••••••••••••

The walk from the dojo to the lab seemed much longer than normal. She felt Ralph’s eyes on her. She really couldn’t afford to hurt Donnie again. It could ruin their friendship for good. She walked into the lab seeing Donnie leaning over his notebook. She could hear the sound of his pencil gliding over the page as he wrote. She closed the heavy door behind her which is what alerted Donnie someone had entered his lab. He glanced at her taking a deep breath as he closed his notebook and put his pencil down.

“What do you want..” He asked as he wiped at his eyes slightly.

“I wanted to apologize.. Sensei told me why you were acting the way you were and I don’t blame you.” She leaned on his desk looking anywhere but at him. “I didn’t mean to hurt you…” He heard her voice falter. He looked up at her and saw tears filling her eyes. “I care about you, Donnie.. and I’m so sorry I made you feel this way… I’d hate me too if I was in your place…” She looked at him seeing that he also had tears in his eyes.

“I don’t hate you, April.. I don’t think I ever could..” Donnie spoke up. “I just hate the way I feel right now…”

“How do you feel?” she asked moving to sit on his mostly cleared desk.

He leaned back in his chair. He searched for the right word. “Devastated…” she looked down. “Not that you don’t like me. I feel like I always knew that deep down… I just had convinced my that you did like me.. and it hurts I can’t pretend anymore..”

“I’m so sorry…” she apologized again. “I should’ve been honest with you… it’s just.. with you and Casey.. I didn’t know what to do…”

“I get it. And I understand… I forgive you because I know you didn’t mean it… I’m sorry too. For putting you in that position where you felt like you couldn’t turn me away.. but why didn’t you turn me away at the farm house?” he asked.

“The truth is… I don’t know how I feel about you… I care about you.. more than your brothers, more than Casey, more than anyone else. but I don’t know if that means I love you…”

Donatello looked hopeful for a moment before that spark in his eye went out again. “I understand..”

“I don’t want to hurt you again so I don’t want you to think about it too much.. but I’m going to think about it..” April looked at him. “I want to talk with you again like this soon… I want to be as honest with you as I can so give me a few days to think things over ok?”

Donnie nodded.

She stood up. “Can I have a hug?” she asked.

Donatello stood up and hugged her. She hugged him tighter than she ever had before. He hugged her just as tight.

“I’ll talk to you as soon as I figure things out.” And with that she left his lab. She wiped her eyes as she said bye to the guys before she left.

Don emerged from the lab almost as soon as she left the lair. He leaned on the doorway while his brothers and Sensei looked up at him.

“What happened?” Leo was first to ask.

“She apologized, first of all.. for the way she treated me. Then she told me she cared about me..” Donnie smiled softly. “She said she didn’t know if she loved me or not.. which is fair.. feelings can be hard sometimes..” He could sense that one of them was going to say something so he cut them off. “I’m not getting my hopes up.. but just the fact that she cares is enough for me…. She wants to talk to me again in a few days when she has stuff figured out… if she doesn’t like me, I’m prepared to deal with that.”

••••••••••••••

Donatello laid down in his bed that night. He was lost in thought. He thought it was foolish of him to think he would fall asleep quicker that night. With all the shit that went on today, he figured he’d be out as soon as his head hit the pillow. But he had a lot to think about…

‘So there is a chance April might actually like me? A small chance… don’t get your hopes up Don.. just try to get some sleep.. some people can’t differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings…. what if my feelings for her are platonic?? no.. i’ve had these feelings for three years.. I know I want to be with her.. and it hurts that I-'

His thoughts were interrupts by his tPhone ringing. He opened his eyes before reaching for his phone. He lifted it up seeing it was a call from April. He tried to let it ring another time so he didn’t seem too desperate. He almost made it.

“Hey, April..” he answered sleepily.

“Donnie, I love you.”

Chapter Text

“W-What?” Donnie asked sitting up.

“How fast can you get here?” April asked as she bit her lip.

“A-a few minutes.. I’ll be there as soon as I can..” Donatello stuttered as he tried to talk quickly. He threw his blanket off his legs.

“I’ll see you soon,” and with that, April hung up.

Donnie looked down at his phone. “W-What just happened…”

He got out of bed quickly strapping his gear back on. That did really just happen right? He tied his mask on and grabbed his bo staff as he left his room. His brothers all appeared to be in bed so he shut his door quietly. Donnie sneaked out of the lair, quietly going topside.

He moved as quickly as he could, basically sprinting across roof tops to get to April’s apartment. For a moment, he thought maybe it was a trap- why would she need to have him come to her apartment to tell him she loved him… his face turned red. No.. he wasn’t letting that happen tonight- He slowed down once he got to her apartment not wanting to be too loud for April’s dad who was likely asleep.

Don hopped down onto the fire escape and tapped on her window. April opened the window barely letting him get inside before she hugged him. He hugged her back tightly. She pulled away after a moment. She closed the window then grabbed Donnie’s hand. April led him to her bed. He set his staff to the side sitting with her on her bed. Donatello was about to ask her a question when she opened her mouth.

“When I left the lair, I went over to Casey’s… he’s my only friend other than you guys and I needed to talk to someone..” April tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before she reached out to hold both of Donnie’s hands. She looked up at him. “I told him that I didn’t want to hurt either of you.. he told me that he wanted me to happy.. and if that meant being with you, he was ok with it…

“I thought about it all day… I realized I couldn’t imagine my life without you.. I was laying in bed, and realized how nice it would be to have you here.. and I thought the longer I had to make you wait before we talked again would lower your chances of actually wanting to be with me.” April took a deep breath as she looked into his eyes. “I love you, Donatello,” she said again.

Donnie let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. Hearing her say it a second time meant everything to him. She could say it and not just over the phone. She could say it while she looked at him lovingly. “I love you, April,” he said back. He meant it and it felt amazing to say. He blinked softly as she leaned in. He closed his eyes as her lips pressed against his. Don brought his large hand up to her cheek to cup it gently. She was still holding his other hand while her other hand reached out for the side of his shell.

April pulled away after a long moment. Donnie opened his eyes to look at her. She had the biggest smile on her face. Don had never seen her so happy before. He couldn’t help but smile back. This whole thing felt unreal.

“Could you spend the night?” She asked. Her hand rested at his elbow ready to start helping him out if his gear.

Donnie felt his cheeks heat up and he was thankful it was dark in April’s room. He swallowed. “Y-yeah.. just let me tell the guys where I’m at just in case..” he gave her time to stop him before he sent a text to Leo.

Donnie took off his gear setting it to the side with his bo staff as April got under the covers. He joined her and she snuggled up against his plastron. He held her close. He almost thought he was dreaming.

•••••••••••••••

As soon as the sun started to peak over the horizon, Donatello opened his eyes. He had only experienced waking up with the sun when they had stayed at April’s farmhouse a few years back. Back then, he didn’t like it. But now, it was slightly more enjoyable. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes wasn’t his grungy, dark brick ceiling he was used to seeing in the sewers. It was a bright plaster ceiling. All around him were white walls and light wooden flooring. It felt very different than normal.. his toes were slightly cold from not having a heater right next to him all night. When he looked down at his plastron, he couldn’t help but smile.

April was laying against his chest with her hair sprawled out beautifully behind her. She looked like an angel. He took a moment to admire how angelic she looked in the sunlight before he gently ran his fingers through her hair.

Her hair was softer than he had imagined. Of course, the only hair he’d touched before was Master Splinter’s fur. April’s hair was silky, smooth, and it smelled like flowers. Luckily, the soft touches hadn’t woken her. It was still pretty early to be awake..

His tPhone buzzed, it was a text from Leo.

Captain Leo: I’m happy for you and I hope everything goes well for you two. If you need to talk to anyone when you get back, I’m your turtle. When the guys wake up, should I tell them where you are?

Donato: thanks. not unless they ask.. and even then, just tell them i’m safe. the first thing out of Raph’s mouth is going to have something to do with sex and i don’t really need that sort of teasing now that i’m finally happy

Captain Leo: I got you. You two didn’t though.. right?

Donato: no, of course not… our proportions are too different anyway- it wouldn’t just be something any of us should rush into.. Raph is different i guess. i don’t know Salamandrian’s anatomy and that’s probably a good thing..

Donato: i don’t really want to know what Raph and Mona do with their alone time together…

Captain Leo: Fair enough. I’d ask you what you meant by ‘proportions are different’ but I’m not sure I want the whole scientific answer.

Donato: basically i’m saying we’re too big

Captain Leo: That’s a thing?

Donato: here is the simple version of the scientific answer you didn’t want to hear- turtles’ proportions when it comes to their penises aren’t that of humans’. when we mutated, we stayed mostly turtle. i assume all of us are the same… and because i don’t want to look at all of your dicks, just don’t act like you have the world’s biggest dick when you meet the one-

Captain Leo: Moving on- when do you think you’ll be back?

Donato: i’ll see if April wants to come with me when she wakes up. she should be up soon. at the most another hour.

Captain Leo: I’ll tell Sensei where you are so he isn’t worried. Text me when you leave.

Donato: later, Leo.

Captain Leo: 👋

Donnie set his tPhone back down on April’s nightstand before he went back to stroking her hair. Before he even realized, his mind had slipped off into a series of ‘what if’s’.

What if they told Kirby O’Neil that they were together, and what if he was ok with it. What if she came to stay with him in the sewers or what if they got their own apartment? What if they could have sex, and what if they did have sex? What if she wanted to, and she touched him in all the right places? What if he did the same for her, and what if she was ready and she would slowly sink onto his dick....

Donnie pulled himself from his thoughts when he felt a warm heat in his lower abdomen. He couldn’t think about this now. Even if he was in the comfort of his own room, thinking about April to get him off felt wrong. From what he read, most teens felt ashamed of masturbation anyway. He felt like he needed to ask her before even thinking about her. But he probably didn’t need her consent for that..

Don got his mind off of the heat between his legs thinking of anything else. Like the fact that April’s dad could walk through that door any minute and accuse Donnie of sneaking in. As far as Donnie knew, dads didn’t really like it when their daughters didn’t tell them a boy was coming over. But maybe Kirby did know.. If he did and he trusted Donnie with his daughter, that would make Donatello feel pretty good.

After a few more moments of being lost in his thoughts, something snapped him from them. April had shifted and slowly opened her eyes. He smiled softly at her as she woke up. She rubbed her eyes before looking up at him. She smiled before pushing against his plastron to sit up.

“Morning, Donnie..” April said through a yawn.

“Good morning, April.” Donnie couldn’t stop smiling.

She leaned forward and pecked his cheek gently. She got to her feet and stretched her arms and back a bit. “I’ll go get started on coffee..” April knew him so well. “We have a spare toothbrush in the closet in the bathroom. I’ll keep it for you for when you spend the night again.”

Donatello sat up. “Ok,” he said softly as he sat up. ‘Holy shit, she said I’d spend the night again-’ he was freaking out. Luckily, he was able to contain it to just in his mind. She left the room leaving her door open. He got up quietly making his way to the door before entering the hallway. He and his brothers had been in her apartment before, so he sort of knew the layout. He headed towards the bathroom finding the toothbrush April spoke of. He brushed his teeth thoroughly taking his time to look at himself in the mirror. The mirror they had in the lair was broken and the picture he’d see in it was often distorted. He even debated taking his mask off to see what he looked like then but he decided against it. Mikey always said they looked naked without their masks.

Soon April was next to him brushing her own teeth. With a mouth full of toothpaste, she instructed him where he could leave his toothbrush when he was done with it. Once they were both done brushing their teeth, she got them both a cup of coffee. Knowing Donnie for the past three years meant she knew how he liked his coffee. While most of his brothers preferred tea, Donnie had always preferred the bitterness that only coffee could provide. There were mornings when he couldn’t even function properly until he’s had his morning cup of coffee. He was probably addicted at this point…

April sat back on her bed. Donnie sat with her. “When do you plan on heading home?” she asked.

“Probably as soon as possible..” Don started. “The guys will be awake soon and I don’t want them assuming what we were doing last night..”

April’s cheeks tinged pink. “You’re probably right.. I should come with you. I should do some more training with Splinter anyway and it’ll give me an excuse to see you.”

Donnie smiled. “Alright. Then we can head down as soon as you're ready.” She stood up taking a few more sips of her coffee before setting it down and starting to pick out some clothes. Donnie started putting his gear back on. It didn’t take him long to finish.

“Just don’t turn around, ok?” April said from behind him.

“Ok..” Donnie blushed as he sat back on the bed. He sipped at his coffee as he heard April’s clothes rustling behind him. He waited patiently for her to finish getting changed.

She walked around the bed to be in front of him. He caught a glimpse of her pulling her shirt over her chest. “Let’s head out,” April said with a smile as she grabbed her tessen.

•••••••••••••••

They headed back to the lair. April followed Donnie closely. “I could go in through the lab and you could go in through the main entrance a few minutes later-”

“Donnie, what do you think hiding the fact that we were together would help? They’re your brothers, their gonna find out eventually- and besides, they already know you like me,” April said with a slight chuckle.

Don rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re probably right..” She took his hand giving him that extra tug to actually come into the lair with her. Raph was the only one in their main space. He was leafing through a comic clearly not actually reading it.

“I’m going to go in with Splinter. Come get me if you need me to hit Raph for you,” April joked quietly before heading to the dojo.

Donnie chuckled softly at what she had said before walking further into the room. He looked down at Raph. “You don’t have to say anything,” Raph cut him off. He didn’t even look up from his comic. “If I was in your place, I probably would’ve done the exact same thing. April’s nice. She is not messing with you.”

Donatello smiled. “Thanks, Raph.” Raphael had always been the most protective brother. Donnie knew how he had reacted when Leo told their family about Karai and he wasn’t sure how he’d react with April, especially since Don had just given up on her.

••••••••••••••••

‘After we trained today, April went home, and I told everyone about what had happened at her apartment. They were all happy for me.

‘Leo, he’s always wanted that happy ending for himself, so I had expected him to be happy for me. And he was.

‘Mikey definitely always saw April and I together. He was the most shocked when I finally decided to give her up. I guess deep down he knew what I didn’t; she actually liked me.

‘Raph was actually excited when I let her go. I understand why. It was a distraction that the team didn’t need. Especially when it seemed like there wasn’t going to be a positive outcome to the whole thing.

‘Sensei gave me a lot of insight. He’s had the most luck with love out of all of us, of course. He knows what he could’ve done better and what he did right. He’s our father. I don’t think I’ll ever not need him.

‘In conclusion, I love my family and I’m glad April is joining it maybe a little more officially now.

‘It’s been a whacky ride but I’m glad I’ll always have my brothers by my side.’