Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If someone sees a boy who’s running around everywhere like a baby deer still learning how to balance himself on his own gangling limbs and with a boxy smile plastered permanently on his face, then it is perfectly safe to assume that there is definitely another boy with a black bowl cut of hair, large doe eyes, scrunched nose and bunny teeth following right behind. No matter how much trouble they’d cause on the daily around the neighbourhood somewhere in Seoul, there’s nothing else but fond eyes and endeared smiles that direct at them from the different parents and grandparents around that they pass by.

Probably as soon as the both of them were able to walk around on their own two feet and speak full coherent sentences, everyone just knew.

They knew that what these two young boys have and will continue to have in the future is no doubt special. The bond between these two boys is special and no one could take it away from them.

That is why it doesn’t come to anyone’s shock—especially their parents—when they overhear a joyful nine year old Jeon Jeongguk one day proudly say “I love Taetae the most and I want to spend the rest of my days with him!”

It has always been obvious to everyone that there was always that special kind of love continuously blossoming into something pure and beautiful between the two whenever the grownups would catch them running around everywhere or laying down side by side on the grass as they watch the sky bleed into vibrant shades of oranges, yellows, pinks, and the beginnings of dark blues, their chubby hands interlocked between their bodies, like a promise.

Right now the two of them are at the Jeons’ house, at the back where a wooden bench is placed at, which in Taehyung’s personal opinion is definitely the best place to be when watching the sunset. Yes, the grass somewhere in the neighbourhood parks are also nice areas to lay down in because of the cooling blades pressing right against his nape when he needs to cool off from the heat of the afternoon sun, but here? In a place that is personal to them, that makes them feel closed off from the world in their own area as compared to such a public and open space like the park?

It may seem foolish to the adults who have watched the two of them grow up since they were born, or even the older teenagers that would sometimes scoff at them for their childish love, and maybe it is foolish or childish because they are both only fifteen years old. What do fifteen year olds know about life and love anyway?

Maybe they both still only know about the purity of life and love, are both naive in their own special way, both still with bright dreams in their hearts and wishful thinking in their heads for the future that they know would always consist of the other being right by their side, where they both rightfully belong.

Maybe that is the beauty of having the love of childhood sweethearts that blooms in time with them growing older together—one just never knows when that love has started, they just know that it is there blossoming in their hearts, and it has always been there.

It’s the type of love that doesn’t require trial and error, angsty pining, or too much second guessing, because the state of the heart and mind of that of a child is pure, thus making it beautiful and one of a kind, a bond that becomes harder and harder to achieve as more years are added to one’s life. There’s almost nothing holding them back from loving one another when there are no responsibilities that grownups are obliged to carry.

So, maybe Jeongguk had secretly told Taehyung one time as a man in his mid twenties had rolled his eyes at them—at their childish love—that he was just simply jealous of what the two of them have. And, maybe in turn, Taehyung had agreed with a jerk of his head. The grins that they give each other as they sit beside on the wooden bench placed at the back of the Jeons’ house rival the brightest stars that are twinkling tonight.

This is why Taehyung loves staying here the most. It is their own space where a bench is that Jeongguk’s mother had placed there specifically for them after catching the two young boys freezing their asses off at the cold and dusty foundation of the house, their butts and backs stiff after staying there for hours one night. But they didn’t feel embarrassed when they were caught, because all that could be seen on Jeongguk’s mom’s face was fondness as she looked at them.

Taehyung thinks it’s beautiful that this is how fate had intertwined his and Jeongguk’s lives together—by first intertwining the lives of their parents together, or more specifically, their dads. Mr Jeon and Mr Kim have been best friends since college, having met when they were classmates in one class. And when they met their own girlfriends who then turned into their own wives, that was when the lives of Jeongguk and Taehyung had solidified, when both their moms were pregnant at almost the same time—since Jeongguk was born in September and Taehyung later in December of the same year. Both their parents, especially their dads, were so happy to see how well their sons got along, because they wanted to make sure their families would stay close for a long time, thus making it inevitable for Jeongguk and Taehyung to become close and stick to each other.

But Taehyung likes to believe fate has tied both of their threads together since the beginning of time.

Maybe it is all just foolish and childish thinking on his part regarding fate and all that, but Taehyung finds that he actually doesn’t care. Not in the slightest, when Jeongguk is sitting right beside him on this wooden bench, the beauty of the stars in the dark sky reflecting on his big doe eyes, his two front teeth peeking out of his lips like a bunny’s as he smiles, and that smile is directed towards Taehyung.

It’s so quiet all around them, it’s slightly chilly but the two boys don’t care because they’re sharing a wide fluffy blanket, huddled so closely together, their thighs and arms touching as they share shy yet fond expressions of endearment.

This is what Taehyung prefers, prefers over the open areas and all the prying eyes that are either endeared or judging at how young they are to be considered ‘in love.’ He prefers their own space right here on this bench, as they watch the colourful sky turn into the dark night full of stars that they love trying to find all the constellations they can recognise from all those picture books.

Yes, he knows that no matter where he is, he’d be happy for as long as Jeongguk is right there beside him, but it’s still nice to know that there’s a place exclusively their own, known by both their families and extended relatives that this wooden bench right here? It’s known as Jeongguk and Taehyung’s spot. Especially since it’s the exact same spot where Jeongguk had expressed his ‘childish’ love towards his family friend and best friend Taehyung.

And it is also the same spot where the two fifteen year olds promise to each other that no matter how old they get, no matter how many years are added to their lives, they’d still stay the same. That nothing would come between them.

That when they become adults, when they leave the realms of childhood—their bond won’t break. Their love won’t disappear. It would only grow from here on out. That them becoming older, more responsibilities being added onto their shoulders as the years add on, they’d push through everything.

Together.

No matter what.

That’s why the giddiness and sparks that Taehyung feels in his chest only multiplies tenfold when Jeongguk looks into his eyes and says, “Let’s apply for the same universities, okay? But hopefully we both get into the one here in Seoul. It would be too much of a hassle if we fail the one here but get accepted in another city… like Busan, or Ilsan. Imagine how much packing and adjusting we’d have to do!”

They both laugh at that.

“But what if the majors that we’ll want once we reach the last year of high school differ?”

The smile that Jeongguk gives him is patient and so fond that Taehyung is sure it rivals the looks of what grownups give their partners, of what married couples give each other.

“That’s alright. I’m not gonna force you to take up a major that you don’t like, and I’m sure you wouldn’t force me either. As long as we get into the same university, so that we can dorm together.”

Taehyung’s smile grows wide at the last statement. “Yes! I can’t wait to dorm with you! To finally have a space that we can definitely call our own, a space where neither of our families can eavesdrop or bother us.”

And it was settled. The future that consisted of the first official step into adulthood—university. High school could be considered as the first step, but the two of them saw it as more of a transitional step. That’s where the two of them are at right now, at the transitional step from childhood to adulthood.

Although definitely scared, Taehyung is excited as well. He just has to wait a few more years until he and Jeongguk can finally have a space of their own. Their own privacy away from all the prying eyes.

A space where they can just be together.

=T=

“Tae! Over here!”

A boxy smile immediately appears on Taehyung’s face upon hearing his boyfriend’s voice.

(Pretty sure you could guess where Jeongguk had decided to officially ask Taehyung to be his boyfriend—with permission from both his and Taehyung’s parents, of course.

Answer: the wooden bench at the back of the Jeons’ house about a year ago. As lame as it may have seemed to others, the smile on Taehyung’s face was more than worth it, in Jeongguk’s honest opinion.)

Taehyung runs to him, dodging the many students swarmed around the school grounds, as the last bell of the day had rung only five minutes ago, everyone either leaving classrooms or huddling in groups to catch up, or leaving the school, all at the same time. Gosh, he can’t wait to finally leave this school for good, counting down the days until their high school graduation comes in just less than two weeks from now.

He pushes himself into Jeongguk’s awaiting arms as he wraps his own around Jeongguk’s neck, both their faces leaning into each other almost immediately, their lips touching for a few seconds before breaking away with matching fond smiles.

Sadly for them, they aren’t classmates this year, so it’s been hell not being able to see each other for several hours until they reunite at the end of the day to go home together in Jeongguk’s car, but it doesn’t matter. They make it work. Like they always do.

Once they lean back from each other enough for them to look at each other’s faces without getting cross-eyed, but still close enough where Jeongguk’s arms are still securely wrapped around Taehyung’s waist, Jeongguk says, “So, my mom texted me earlier…”

“Oh? Is it… what I think it is?”

“Yeah, they came in the mail around two hours ago. I can’t wait to open the letters later, Tae! Mom told me neither she nor dad opened them, or neither did your parents, so I guess we’ll just have to be surprised, hm?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung parrots back, but his voice sounds slightly strained, softer than he had intended, too soft for it to match the excitement of Jeongguk’s tone.

Jeongguk’s eyes on him turn worried. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Shaking his head, the sigh still manages to escape Taehyung’s mouth. “Nothing’s wrong exactly, it’s just that...just that I—I’m…”

He trails off, but the encouraging expression on Jeongguk’s face as he rubs Taehyung’s back in such a comforting way pushes him to just spit out whatever has been plaguing his mind for some weeks now.

“I’m just… nervous, Gguk, nervous that maybe we’re not accepted into our dream university here in Seoul?” he gulps, breaking eye contact, “...Or worse… I don’t—”

Taehyung doesn’t get to finish his sentence because his boyfriend suddenly pecks him on the lips, effectively shutting his nerves up, at least for now.

“Oh Tae bear, oh my sweet honey,” Jeongguk coos, pressing chaste kisses all over Taehyung’s flushed face at the use of the silly childhood nickname. “Don’t say that, okay? I know you, and I know that you’re smart. And that we’re definitely accepted into the university. So don’t you worry your pretty head over it, alright? Let’s just get in the car, get home, open the letters, and you’ll see that there’s nothing to be nervous about, other than the impending doom of adulthood about a second away from knocking on our doors, since we’re finally graduating from here, hm?”

Taehyung giggles as Jeongguk gives him another kiss on the cheek. His boyfriend has such a way with words and actions, he can’t help but swoon every time.

“Okay,” he nods, even if the nerves don’t completely disappear. “Let’s go.”

… 

The Kims may be living almost twenty minutes away from the Jeons, but it doesn’t stop the two tight-knit families from visiting each other as much as possible, inviting and hosting meals with each other in their houses several times each month so they could bond. That’s why it’s absolutely no surprise when Jeongguk parks his car in the garage of his house, and right away Taehyung sees his parents’ car already situated there in its usual spot.

They both get out at the same time, Jeongguk locking the car up before they walk side by side onto the front porch of the house of the Jeons, Jeongguk’s hand loosely holding onto Taehyung’s hips.

“We’re home!” Jeongguk announces, as they enter through the hallway of the large house, removing their shoes and placing them on the rack.

It’s no secret to almost everyone in the whole of Seoul who the Jeons are. Jeongguk’s grandfather had single handedly made a very successful business company when he was in his thirties that has been handed on to Jeongguk’s father, who is the first born among his siblings, and who has been running the company for many years now. So it’s obvious that the company will soon be passed down to Jeongguk himself once his dad retires, since he is an only child. Taehyung remembers all the times when Jeongguk would rant or complain to him about the life that has been predestined for him even before his dad had met his mom, or maybe even before his grandfather had met his grandmother. That’s one of the biggest obvious downsides of being born into a rich family—there’s just really little to no choice for what Jeongguk wants to do. Taehyung does know, fortunately, that Jeongguk’s parents—especially his mom—let him dabble in some extracurricular activities that had piqued his interest throughout the years, such as volleyball, basketball, track, archery, taekwondo, mixed martial arts, dancing, singing, and art. There’s definitely no doubt that the young Jeon prodigy is gifted because he excels in everything that he does, it’s crazy. Not to mention that he tops his classes all the time.

Taehyung is broken away from his thoughts when Mrs Jeon appears from the hallway that leads to the dining area.

“Hello dears, how was school today?” She greets them with a smile. Taehyung has always loved Mrs Jeon like his own mother, she was always sweet, understanding, supportive, and would always take his side when he and Jeongguk would have a lover’s quarrel. Jeongguk would sometimes mutter out that maybe his own mom loves Taehyung more than her own son, and Taehyung would only giggle out a “that’s true!” before pecking his nose.

Taehyung smiles back at her as he bows in greeting.

“We’re just preparing for graduation, doing several runs of our programs, finishing our clearances, and all the other boring stuff.” answers Jeongguk as he leads Taehyung towards the wide living area, arm still around his waist as if he couldn’t get enough of holding him. And Taehyung knows it’s true because he can’t get enough of the touch either.

As they enter the living area with the flat screen tv hung on the wall switched on on low volume showing some news channel reporting current events around the world, Taehyung’s eyes immediately dropped down onto the glass coffee table in the middle of the area, because on top of it are the various letters from all the universities he and Jeongguk had applied to together.

“Taehyung-ah, Jeongguk-ah! We kept the letters unopened and sealed as promised!” comes the ever cheerful voice of Taehyung’s mom as she and her husband stand up from the couch to smile warmly at them. Both he and Jeongguk greet back by bowing respectfully as always, before Mr Jeon walks in as well, followed by his wife, coming from the entryway that leads to the staircase somewhere deeper in the house.

Jeongguk’s dad. Mr Jeon is… a man that is definitely hard to read, in Taehyung’s opinion. He knows the man is kind, is smart, and excels in everything—all these traits having successfully passed down to his one and only son, no doubt in that. Taehyung does feel welcomed and loved by him like he is another son of his (or hopefully son-in-law in the future? Perhaps?) but he just can’t shake off the feeling that he has so many expectations to meet when it comes to Mr Jeon, just like how Jeongguk feels all the time. But Taehyung doesn’t understand why he himself would need to meet certain expectations that his boyfriend’s father undoubtedly and unspokenly placed on him.

He also doesn’t understand why he is lying to himself on that part.

Giving Mr Jeon a deep bow in greeting immediately, Taehyung suddenly feels all the nerves he had felt earlier before he and Jeongguk had left their school coming back tenfold, making his heart beat in complete dread. He tries to will his hands from shaking because if he doesn’t, his ever attentive boyfriend will notice, and then he will worry, and then everyone will worry—and fuck Taehyung hates feeling like a burden.

“Now that you two are here, we can finally start the preparations for the dorms on campus once we confirm both of your acceptance in the university,”

“Yes!” Mrs Jeon adds, “It was so hard for me to contain my excitement while just leaving those envelopes on the table!”

Jeongguk laughs, nodding. “Okay, we will right now. Tae—?”

Taehyung must’ve not been masking his anxiousness and nerves well because Jeongguk is looking at him in the way that he always does when he’s trying to discern whatever Taehyung is feeling at the moment, and ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, he ends up being right, he should be called a Professional Kim Taehyung Reader.

The two young lovers look into each other’s eyes for ten very silent seconds, and Taehyung hopes the shaking of his pupils in his eyes isn't obvious, but he knows that his hope is useless because Jeon Jeongguk is a certified Professional Kim Taehyung Reader.

“Actually, I think I kinda wanna open them together with Taehyung-ah.” Jeongguk says, breaking eye contact to look at their parents in the room that have seemingly vanished from the tense bubble he and Jeongguk were in within those ten seconds.

“Alone,” adds Jeongguk, voice firm, as grabs the letters off the glass table, then comes back to his boyfriend, Taehyung feeling Jeongguk’s arm around his body tug him closer into his side more—as if in silent comfort—as they walk towards the back door of the house.

Ever the gentleman that he is, Jeongguk opens the door for them both, letting Taehyung walk out first, then following, leaving the door to swing shut behind them.

They sit down beside each other on the wooden bench that always gives them the perfect view of the beautiful sunset, and today is no different, as they silently watch all the clouds in the sky hurl slowly by, as the colours change and bleed together, as the birds overhead fly from pole to pole.

Taehyung wants to prolong this blissful silence for as long as he can before disappointment washes over him, but of course that can’t happen because the boy beside him speaks up.

“Tae.” Jeongguk whispers, slowly reaching for Taehyung’s hand that’s in between them, and brings their interlocked hands onto his lap. “It’s gonna be alright, okay? And if it doesn’t...we’ll cross the bridge when we get there, because you know I’d follow you ‘til the end of the world no matter what, right?”

Nodding even if Jeongguk isn’t looking at him, Taehyung exhales. “I know, Gguk. Okay… let’s open the envelopes now.”

Once Taehyung is handed his set of envelopes, they open each one on their own, promising to each other that they wouldn’t peek at the other’s letters.

From beside him, he can feel Jeongguk’s body hitch… and Taehyung already knows that his boyfriend is accepted into the university of their dreams that is located here in Seoul, while he just sits there beside him, in stunned silence as he stares down at his own letter.

“I didn’t get into our dream university.” He blurts the words out without any warning, without inhaling first, just like ripping a bandaid off. Jeongguk’s body tenses right beside his, but he’s quickly adding, “...But I did pass into the other ones.”

Jeongguk is suddenly dropping all his letters and moving his arms to pull Taehyung’s body towards himself, arm securely wrapping around Taehyung’s waist, as his other hand gently grips Taehyung’s thigh, as if encouraging him to straddle his lap. And Taehyung does just that.

The moment he buries his face into the crook of Jeongguk’s neck, the tears come out almost immediately as he pathetically clutches onto the front of his boyfriend’s uniform top, feels Jeongguk’s hands rubbing his back up and down in soothing motions, as if to say it’s alright. It’s okay. I’m here, don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.

But no it’s not alright.

It’s not okay.

Taehyung won’t be here with Jeongguk for long until the first semester starts of their first year in university, so he’s definitely worrying.

And there is only one solution to this, there is no figuring it out.

…

It’s chaotic in the Jeon household. Or at least in Taehyung’s spiralling mind, it is. Well, to start, Taehyung’s parents had taken the news without letting frowns decorate their faces. Taehyung thinks that maybe his acting skills is a trait that was passed down within the family, after all.

Mrs Jeon’s face holds pity and Taehyung hates seeing it more than the masked neutrality of understanding and acceptance on his own parents’ faces. He looks at Mr Jeon’s reaction, and realises he hates the obvious disappointment the most.

What makes it worse is that that look of disappointment betrays the fact that he isn’t even surprised, but rather, as if having expected it from Taehyung.

He tries to will back the tears, mentally patting himself on the back for succeeding this time.

“...I,” Taehyung starts, trying to disperse this cloud of pity and disappointment and worthlessness he had intentionally put all around them. This was supposed to be a nice night of celebration and had instead turned out to be one of the worst days of his life. “I th-think that the university in Busan is the best choice for me—”

“—And I think it’s the best choice for me too.” interrupts Jeongguk out of nowhere, literally shocking everyone present in the house, and Taehyung’s heart stops upon hearing it.

The expression on Mr Jeon’s face morphs so quickly from disappointment on Taehyung to utter shock and disbelief at hearing what his only son had said just now. “What did you say?”

His face scrunches, angry, intimidating, as if daring Jeongguk to repeat it, daring Jeongguk to say something so forbidden.

Jeongguk takes the bait, facing his father, and Taehyung can’t help but think of how brave his boyfriend actually is at the moment, even if he personally thinks it is wholly unnecessary.

“I said, I’m moving to Busan with Taehyung.”

This time, Taehyung reinserts himself into the heated conversation between father and son, not willing to let Jeongguk ruin and throw away his entire future just for the sake of staying together. It hurts him so much when that thought pops up in his head.

“No Jeongguk, I won’t let you. You’re meant for the best education this country can offer, and that isn’t found in Busan, but here in Seoul.”

He hears a chuckle. “Hah, and here I thought Taehyung here would be bold enough to hold you back, but I guess I was wrong.” It’s Jeongguk’s dad. Taehyung tastes acid in his mouth.

“Junho,” says his dad, disbelief evident in his tone.

“What? I am not letting my son settle for any less than what I know he deserves, and he deserves the best. All this time, I’ve tolerated his puppy love with Taehyung with a feeling of doubt that I have never wanted to entertain, seeing as it made him happy but—I should have known that my instincts would never fail me. I should have known that Taehyung has been holding him back all this time when Jeongguk could have something greater—”

Taehyung feels dizzy, as if he is getting attacked with sudden vertigo, but something more intense, doesn’t understand why when Jeongguk notices his distress and holds his elbow to keep him upright, for some reason Taehyung still finches away from the touch as if burnt, especially when Jeongguk’s dad spits out the last two words as he turns to face him—

“Someone better.”

Before he knows it, as if on instinct, Taehyung’s legs are carrying him right out of there of their own accord in a flight response as everything in the house becomes even more chaotic after that last statement had been spat out. Everyone is shouting, interrupting over each other, but he doesn’t care to hear more because he’s running across the living area away from everything, from everyone, running through the hallway leading to the door, running out in the front porch, past the garden, running all over the grass barefoot—having not put on his socks and shoes in his haste to just… just escape— 

And then he’s out of the house and standing in the middle of the empty street in the late spring night. Winds rush past him and through the thin material of his high school uniform, and he’s shivering, but he isn’t sure if it’s from the chilliness of the winds, or if it’s from the sobs and wails that are racking through his entire body, forcing him to shake and crumble down onto the ground, kneeling down as he buries his face in his palms.

There have been so many things that he’s been feeling ever since he and Jeongguk had arrived earlier, but one thing stands out from the rest—disappointment.

Disappointment from his parents, disappointment from Mr and Mrs Jeon, disappointment from Jeongguk, and most importantly… disappointment in himself.

Taehyung had never felt the need to question himself and his and Jeongguk’s relationship. He never needed to because they were kids—childhood sweethearts—who never really seeked for the approval of everyone else around them, and even if they did need to, all that would greet them would be acceptance, especially from their families. All they ever got were fond smiles and warmth from the people who mattered to them.

But as time went on, as the years went by, they weren’t really just kids anymore because more responsibilities and expectations started piling up, especially on Jeongguk who had the future weight of an entire company to look forward to. The dreams and wishful thinking of their childhood had blurred and started to slowly disappear as reality came knocking on their door, telling them that growing up is inevitable and it comes with the pain that childhood had so kindly hid from them with the lens of naivety.

Now he is here, his face heating up from utter shame and embarrassment as he feels the neverending hot tears stream down his face, and he feels slapped in the face for not realising sooner—or having ignored it for so long—that maybe the future doesn’t seem as perfect or as ideal to him now than how it did when the younger versions of him and Jeongguk were naively coming up with dreams that held the both of them until the end.

And it fucking hurts.

He hugs his own body, as if trying to make himself smaller, as if trying to disappear right now. And maybe he does want to, as he tries to push himself further against the rough asphalt of the road, uncaring if his skin gets scratches, just hoping the ground would pity him to give in and swallow him whole, to let him escape and disappear from all the disappointment of tonight, of his entire life.

Suddenly, there are sturdy arms wrapping around his trembling body, trying to unfold his rigid form that is still crouched over against the ground. The touch on his nape and around his waist is warm, and Taehyung can feel it physically melting the chill that has taken residence in his body, and he finally lets himself relax his limbs after being tense for such a long time.

“Shh, you’re okay honeybear. I’m here, I’m here for you Tae…” he hears Jeongguk whisper soothingly into his ear as he is being gently tugged from the ground, his torso being laid against the other’s chest, being settled on top of Jeongguk’s lap, Taehyung’s head resting on the warmth of Jeongguk’s neck.

“I’m here… you’re safe with me… don’t worry…”

=T=

High school graduation was supposed to be a fun and memorable occasion because it’s supposed to mark a very important stage in life—the official end of childhood, and the start of embarking into adulthood.

But all Taehyung could remember from it was the never ending dread. Dread and fear was all he felt as the graduation day came closer and closer. Every second that passed by leading up to the dreadful day he wished and wished for time to pity his crying soul and to stop the world from turning, or to just tick by a little bit slower—just so he could have more time to spend with Jeongguk, to have more time to be here right by his side for as long as he can. But he knows better now than to wish and dream like a kid because this is reality and it won’t wait for him.

Nor would it be kinder to him.

To say the Kim family and the Jeon family’s relationship had become strained would… be an understatement. The tight friendship that had started from Mr Kim and Mr Jeon had quickly dwindled because Taehyung’s dad couldn’t tolerate his own best friend saying and thinking such things about his precious son, and Mr Jeon couldn’t really accept the fact that Jeongguk had absolutely no plans of breaking up with Taehyung, so the two best friends stopped communicating, thus stopping the two families from meeting and bonding with each other as well.

At least Taehyung had eventually managed to convince his boyfriend that following him to Busan would be a stupid decision, one that would lead the both of them into more pain and cause the rift between their two families to become even greater. It took a while, especially since Jeongguk is so naturally stubborn, but the other had relented and finally decided to finish his application in the one here in Seoul—their dream university.

Of course, Taehyung had stayed home instead of accompanying Jeongguk like the other had wanted him to.

As for his own application in the university in Busan, thankfully he didn’t need to physically travel all the way there just to submit the needed documents since he isn’t originally from there, so the admin just asked him to send them through the mail instead.

That was weeks ago.

Now he only has one day to go before he has to leave for Busan since he’ll be dorming there.

The past weeks since receiving his university results have been literal hell for Taehyung… and in extension, Jeongguk. It isn’t enough that Taehyung has been self-deprecating, has been feeling so insecure and unsure of himself to the point that he couldn’t fall asleep from all the paranoid thoughts haunting him and would need to call his boyfriend almost every night at ass o’clock just to sing him to sleep through the phone. He feels ashamed and guilty every time come morning but Jeongguk, ever the sweet and loving person that he is, always tells him that it’s alright and that it’s his pleasure as his boyfriend to help him and make him feel comfortable.

No, the highlight of the past weeks—the fucking cherry on top—is how every time Taehyung steps inside the Jeon household to meet up with Jeongguk or spend time with Mrs Jeon because she would miss him, every time there is Mr Jeon who comes out of nowhere to torment him by randomly giving out backhanded remarks that are all obviously directed at him even if he isn’t the one being addressed.

“I read an article earlier that the Busan university went down a few spots in the national ranking. Isn’t that unfortunate?”

“Jeongguk, son, I can only imagine how excited you are to study in the best university this country has to offer. I don’t even want to think about how the ones who didn’t pass must feel.”

“Seoul university has the best professors in the entire country so you’ll be getting the best quality education that is definitely worth your time, Jeongguk-ah. Unlike some.”

And every time Taehyung has to suck it up because he doesn’t want to give Mr Jeon any more reasons to look down on him, even if he wants to crawl into a ball and hide away from the rest of the world. But he isn’t a kid anymore, he isn’t a child. He’s an adult. Kim Taehyung is already turning nineteen years old this December, so he should face everything like how an adult would.

It’s also quite hard to stop Jeongguk from retorting back to his own father, tugging him away and out the door just in time before his boyfriend could have the chance to do or say something he’d regret. But of course Taehyung still treats Mr Jeon with the utmost respect just like how he’s always done… this time, however, he tries not to entertain the negative thought that enters his mind each time of how Mr Jeon no longer deserves his respect. He chastises and reminds himself that even if the older man has been treating him in such a condescending way for several weeks now, he is still the father of his boyfriend. The last thing Taehyung would want is to cause a rift between the father and son. He’s already the main cause of why his family and the Jeons aren’t on speaking terms anymore, why the close relationship has basically been cut off—he doesn’t want to be the cause of another one.

But starting tomorrow, he doesn’t need to worry and think about all that has happened these past terrible weeks because tomorrow is the start of a new stage in his life. Tomorrow marks the day where he can start anew, start fresh—

Start alone for the first time in his life.

Fuck. That is the one thought he’s been trying to avoid for as much as he can, but it’s inevitable because it’s about a new reality he’s never experienced and has never had to face but will have to starting tomorrow.

All his life, Taehyung has always had someone by his side—someone who was a constant, who never had to leave him, who he never had to say goodbye to, who was always just… there. That someone is and has always been Jeongguk, and Taehyung can’t imagine how dark and ugly life would suddenly be without the other. Taehyung has never had to fear if he’d be alone or wonder if there would be someone who would fight in his corner and would defend and protect him with all the life and will power he’s got because there was always Jeongguk.

And now he has to face the start of adulthood, of university life alone. And it’s all his fault. In a way he is all to blame because if only he had tried hard enough to get accepted into the Seoul university when he had the chance, if only he had been considerate enough to think about how the relationship of the Kim and Jeon families would be affected, if only he had tried hard enough to keep on being by Jeongguk’s side, now he is to blame for forcing himself into a situation where he’d be alone for the first time, he is to blame for forcing Jeongguk to be alone, doesn’t want his boyfriend to be left alone to think and realise that it’s all Taehyung’s fault, that Jeongguk might soon end up regretting ever having ended up with him in the first place because he’s such a fuck up, he’s not worthy, he doesn’t deserve him, he—

“Oh, Taehyung-ah? Yes, he’s in his room, hasn’t been out since lunch time.” Taehyung suddenly hears Namjoon’s voice, muffled from outside his door, his older brother’s voice effectively cutting off his spiralling mind.

Then there’s another voice speaking, despite being too muffled for him to discern what is being said, Taehyung can recognise that voice anywhere, can recognise that voice better than his own.

“I see… well have you asked eomma about that?”

“Yes I already have when she opened the door for me.”

“Okay, I trust you, you know? You’ve been nothing but kind to him.”

“O-oh, thank you so much, hyung,”

“No need to thank me. Just be quiet when you enter his room, he might be asleep since he’s been in there for quite a few hours now.”

“I will, hyung.”

And then the door of Taehyung’s room is being slowly opened, as if trying not to disturb the quiet, revealing his boyfriend Jeongguk staring back at him with wide eyes.

“Oh, I thought you were sleeping, or at least that’s what Joon-hyung had assumed so.”

The spiralling thoughts from just a minute ago still plague his mind, but Taehyung tries to mask it in his face for the sake of not wanting to worry the other who’s done nothing else but worry for him throughout the entire summer. He settles for a faint smile that feels genuine enough for Jeongguk to relax.

“Nope. It’s too early for me to sleep yet.”

Jeongguk looks like he’s contemplating the words that Taehyung had just said, making him anticipate whatever idea is formulating in the other’s head. He knows that look, and that look means he has a plan, or wants to do something that involves them both.

“Hm, hyung told me you haven’t had dinner yet… why is that?”

I didn’t feel like it because if I did, then I’m sure I’d throw it up the next second just from thinking about how I won’t be seeing you and being here with you starting tomorrow, is the first thing that comes to Taehyung’s mind and almost makes its way out of his mouth, but he stops himself. “...I guess I just didn’t notice the time since I was quite busy making sure I had everything packed for tomorrow,”

“But didn’t I help you out yesterday? I’m pretty sure I double checked as well while you were in the shower,” teases the other, grinning.

Taehyung can’t stop the pout that forms on his mouth, “Eomma told me earlier to make sure again since she knows I always forget something, so I had to…”

“I know, baby bear. That’s why I helped out, right? I just wanted to ease the stress on you so you won’t have to move any more than you need to.”

He wants to retort back with something self-deprecating like ‘I don’t want to add more stress to you as well… especially that it’s my fault I’m moving away in the first place,’ but doesn’t get the chance to because Jeongguk is speaking up again.

“Anyway, I came here to ask if you wanted to have dinner with me? I could take you out. Just you and me for the rest of the night.”

Ever since he had been born in the hospital—because of course the Jeons had been there to support the Kims welcoming their second son into the world, with baby Jeongguk accompanying them—Jeongguk and Taehyung have been spending time together everyday. There was not a single day in the last nineteen years where they didn’t see each other in front of their eyes or touch each other. When they were old enough, they started initiating plans on their own to meet up. But today, they didn’t make any plans of hanging out somewhere private or going out on a date because… actually Taehyung doesn’t really know why, having just assumed that maybe Jeongguk wanted some time for himself to prepare for the separation.

Separation. He swears he isn’t trying to be dramatic, because it isn’t like they’re a married couple who have fallen out of love with each other and would need their own space for an indefinite time away before they’re ready to salvage their failed relationship—no, they’re just two boys who are experiencing the ‘young love’ that every adult around them would so fondly call it as they reminisce their past selves of a nicer and happier time. They’re just two boys about to not being able to see and meet each other everyday anymore because one of them is a dumb fuck up who’s apparently not in level with the other for them to stay together—

“Sure, I’d love to, Gguk,” He answers, still with a smile, as if he hadn’t just let his spiralling mind slip a little bit.

The bright smile on Jeongguk’s face is so gorgeous. “Great! Now let’s get you changed, sweetheart, hm?”

“Okay, how should I dress though? Just by looking at your super casual outfit, I’m assuming we aren’t going out to some fancy restaurant?” Taehyung asks, checking his boyfriend out, wondering how the other could still look so impossibly attractive in just some plain grey sweatpants and a large white sweater, walking barefoot in his room as he comes closer to him.

Jeongguk shakes his head no, and the smile on his face is so fond it makes Taehyung’s heart melt into a pile of sugary goo. “We’re not eating at any fancy place, so you can dress casually as well—actually, dress as comfortable as you want.”

Tilting his head in question, Taehyung asks, “Something comfortable? Hmm… aren’t you telling me where you’re taking me first though?”

Reaching out to wrap his arms around Taehyung’s waist, Jeongguk presses a kiss on each of his cheeks, causing him to blink in surprise after each contact of the other’s pink lips on his soft skin. “Nope. Want it to be a surprise.”

Giggling, Taehyung leans in to press a kiss back, but on the corner of Jeongguk’s mouth instead of smack in the middle. “Alright.”

After fifteen minutes of changing his clothes—since Jeongguk wouldn’t stop tickling him on his bare stomach or attacking him with chaste kisses all over his face and bare shoulders—Taehyung finally settles for a beige oversized hoodie and a pair of black shorts that reach until his mid thighs. Casual and comfortable.

“You are one very cute person, Kim Taebear.” Jeongguk says once Taehyung had grabbed a pair of fluffy white socks out of the drawer.

Giggling again in response, Taehyung replies with, “You aren’t so bad yourself, Jeon Jeongbunny.”

“Alright come here!” And then Taehyung is being pulled roughly towards his boyfriend with his arms that are immediately wrapping themselves around Taehyung’s waist, smushing Taehyung’s face against the other’s chest.

“Jeongguuuuuk, didn’t you say we’re getting dinner? It’s already past nine PM, most restaurants are already starting to close by now.” Whines Taehyung halfheartedly, his words muffled into the fabric of the other’s soft sweater, but really he isn’t complaining because Jeongguk is warm and he feels that warmth seep through their clothes and into his skin, relaxing his limbs and joints from being tense the whole day.

“But how can I not want to cuddle you right now when you’re being so adorable, hm? My beautiful, absolutely endearing baby bear,” Jeongguk says, pulling back a little just so they could look at each other properly again. The smile on the other’s face is so impossibly fond, and the love displayed there is so obvious it makes Taehyung’s face heat up a bit at all the compliments.

“...Okay you big sap. Let’s just go.”

When they head downstairs, they are greeted with Taehyung’s mom who’s sweeping the floor who looks at them upon hearing their footsteps and hushed giggles.

Jeongguk bows at her, saying, “Thank you once again for letting me take Taehyung out, eomeonim. I will take care of him well.”

Shaking her hand left and right, she tells Jeongguk in quite a halfhearted scolding way, “Ah I already told you earlier that it’s alright and you don’t need to thank me, Jeongguk-ah.”

“I just wanted to thank you again.”

“Aish—just have fun boys, okay? But not too much fun, hm?” replies his mom, but Taehyung notes the last statement is said in a stern way, as if in warning.

“Hm?” he asks, “What do you mean?”

Laughing, Jeongguk just tugs Taehyung to the direction of the door. “It’s part of the surprise, my sweet honey.” He winks at him mysteriously. Taehyung blinks in response.

The ride is smooth in the streets of Seoul, with Jeongguk behind the wheel as he calmly drives his car as if it’s second nature to him, and Taehyung sitting right beside him in the shotgun seat. Taehyung still has no clue where his boyfriend is planning to take them because they haven’t been driving along the roads where they’d usually pass through when planning to eat out at some restaurant or when going to a mall. But it isn’t that he doesn’t recognise any of the streets, because he does, he really does and he has an assumption but doesn’t think it could be because… why would Jeongguk be taking them there?

It doesn’t mean, however, that he won’t voice out his confusion. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re taking us to Seoul University,”

He sees the other smile a bit. “Well, you’re right.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Taehyung asks, “Really? Why? I thought we were having dinner?”

“We are, but didn’t I tell you that it’s a surprise?” One end of Jeongguk’s mouth quirks upward, giving him a crooked smile, as if he’s smirking.

Taehyung rolls his eyes playfully, but still huffs and crosses his arms over his chest just to act petty. “Okay, Mysterio.” He just receives a chuckle from the other.

When they’re past the gate entrance, Taehyung almost immediately knows where they’re headed—the apartment building where Jeongguk’s dorm is located. He knows they’re going there because he’s already been there with Jeongguk when he was helping him move his things and set everything up last week. So many thoughts spring up in his mind at just the thought of the place, but he quickly shuts them out in favour of staying silent as Jeongguk drives them there, instead of voicing anything out. This is supposed to be a nice night. There’s no use in me having a mental breakdown right now when this is the last normal night I’m gonna spend with my boyfriend.

Once parked in the designated area for residents living in the building, they step out of the car, hand in hand, as they walk inside. The building is five floors high, is modern and very well maintained—but those aren’t the reasons why Jeongguk (or more specifically Jeongguk’s dad ) had chosen this specific building, nope. It’s because this building holds rooms specifically for solo residents. Rooms that aren’t built for more than one person.

Again, Taehyung tries not to think about the fact that they were supposed to be roommates and would have been rooming together in another building that isn’t the one where they’re in right now.

He feels Jeongguk face him, and already knows the other has something to say about whatever facial expression he’s pulling right now.

“Hey, don’t look like that,”

“Like what?” He arches his eyebrow.”

“Like I’m forcing you to eat a bowl full of that tteokbokki we found when we were walking along Hongdae last year.”

Taehyung scrunches his face for real at the mention of the memory, especially when he suddenly remembers how he had to vomit it out in one of the nearby bushes after gulping down two whole bottles of water right after just to wash away the unending pricks on his tongue, with Jeongguk rubbing his back throughout it. Yep. It wasn’t pretty.

“Oh c’mon, you’re exaggerating.” And then he quickly adds, “Just quite hungry, that’s all, since I still don’t know where we’re eating,” just to appease his boyfriend a bit.

“Why are you so impatient today, hmm?” Jeongguk asks teasingly, as he swipes his forefinger over the tip of Taehyung’s nose just to catch him off guard.

“Because you promised food and I’m hungry…? I thought I just said it, Gguk,”

The other laughs, clearly amused by his actions and tone. Jeongguk doesn’t say anything in response, just puts his arm around Taehyung’s waist to walk over to the elevators and up to the fourth floor, in which Taehyung of course happily lets himself be tugged to his boyfriend’s side.

Once Jeongguk pushes the door open and they step inside the small hallway to remove their shoes and socks, Taehyung smells it right away. Food. More specifically, his favourite food.

He walks to the kitchen and dining area, and there he sees it—on the table there are two bowls filled with japchae, there’s also another bowl that’s smaller that’s filled with kimchi, a glass pitcher filled with what appears to be iced tea and some slices of lemon, and a candle right in the middle of everything.

“J-Jeongguk…” He starts, beyond shocked, “What's…? What’s all this?”

When he turns to look at him, Jeongguk looks quite embarrassed, as if he himself couldn’t believe he did all this for them, as he rubs his nape with his hand. “Um… surprise…?”

And well… Taehyung is indeed surprised. “Did you cook all this?” he asks as he walks over to the other, putting his arms around Jeongguk’s neck, burying his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair. He’s in total disbelief, having not expected that Jeongguk would cook for them tonight, and in his dorm of all places.

Jeongguk gives him a warm smile, as he too wraps his arms around his waist. “Yeah I did, right before I came over to your house. I was actually quite worried that you’ve already eaten and would be too full for another serving of food, so really, I guess I’m quite lucky tonight that you’d get to enjoy this with me.”

Smiling back, Taehyung replies, “Well you are quite lucky, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, yes I am. How could I not be?” ‘—When I have you’ goes unspoken between them but Taehyung still hears it loud and clear.

And the way Jeongguk says that, accompanied by the look he gives Taehyung, sends shivers down his spine, but it isn’t because he’s uncomfortable, no, quite the opposite actually. He feels his whole body tingle from an overwhelming feeling of love and giddiness mashed and mixed together to form a sculpture of sugar crystals that makes a home in his ribcage.

When Jeongguk finally leans in to press their lips together, the sugar crystal sculpture finally cracks and smashes and it creates an explosion big enough in his heart that it takes everything in him not to whine into Jeongguk’s mouth as they kiss, but he still lets himself fall apart into pieces, as he leans most of his weight against the other.

It’s nice, this feeling of being so loved by the one person he loves back. Their lips move against each other like a dance—it could be described as a routine or choreography with the way they’re molding their lips together that looks so familiar and so in tune, but at the same time Taehyung thinks he’d describe it as more of a freestyle with just how freely and natural they move against and with each other.

The tip of Jeongguk’s tongue swipes against his bottom lip, and Taehyung is about to open his mouth to let the other deepen the kiss when—

Jeongguk’s stomach makes a rumbling noise.

“Fuck. What the fuck.” is what Jeongguk groans out in utter frustration as he (dissapointingly) pulls away. “This timing—maybe I’m not so lucky after all, huh? I didn’t even realise how hungry I was ‘til now.”

They stare into each other’s eyes after the light makeout session, and Taehyung notes how the other’s pupils are blown wide, his lips are tinted red, and Taehyung is sure he doesn’t look any different. But there is also something else behind the eternal darkness of the universe hidden in Jeongguk’s eyes… something that looks a little bit primal, like he could devour him right this instant. Something that goes hand in hand with what he had just said.

Taehyung feels his cheeks warm up a bit at the implication because they haven’t done anything intimate together aside from kissing and cuddling considering Jeongguk had just turned nineteen a few days ago and Taehyung still only eighteen, so this new heat he feels inside himself and can definitely see reflected in Jeongguk’s eyes is entirely different, so he diverts them back to the real reason why they came here for.

“Let’s eat then. I’m worried the food you took time to prepare has gotten cold.”

Jeongguk pecks him one more time on the lips before grumbling out a “Fine.”

The dinner date is pleasant, as expected. Jeongguk is actually an exceptional cook—infinite miles better than Taehyung, anyway—so Taehyung finds himself enjoying the food as always, whenever his boyfriend cooks for him. There’s a reason why Jeongguk is such a good cook, and it’s because of his cousin Seokjin.

Seokjin is the son of Jeongguk’s dad’s younger sister, but he’s actually four years older than Jeongguk himself, having already graduated from university the same time they graduated from high school. He is… every word of perfect—or at least that’s what Jeongguk bitterly describes him as anyway, since Seokjin has already been interning at the Jeons’ business for a few months now. Taehyung knows that Seokjin is the type of person that Mr Jeon wants his own son to be, but all Jeongguk feels about it is pressure. Seokjin isn’t really supposed to be the next CEO in line anyway since it’s been a rule in the Jeon family ever since that the position would always fall on the oldest child, and then the oldest child of the previous, and so on. Much like how a royal family line goes.

Really, the only reason why Seokjin is taking up extra work for training to be the next CEO is just because he’s older than Jeongguk, and he’s already a graduate, which gives him all the points to work. That’s why Jeongguk’s dad is so pressed on making sure his son would be the top of every class, would always do the best, be the best, so he could be enough to take the place of CEO. But Taehyung thinks he really shouldn’t worry about him because Jeongguk has always excelled in everything he did. Taehyung also knows Seokjin has always wanted to open up his own restaurant when he was younger, but that is the sad reality of being born into a family of generational wealth stemming from businesses—they have no choice but to take up what the older generation leaves them.

“Did you enjoy it?” Jeongguk asks, cutting off Taehyung’s thoughts, once they are seated side by side on Jeongguk's couch. They’ve already washed the dishes and kept them in the racks to dry.

He smiles. “Of course I did. Thank you, Gguk. I also love the atmosphere that you put up for tonight.”

“I’m glad. I just wanted to make tonight special, y’know? Especially that tomorrow you’ll…” His tone fades away.

Taehyung’s smile turns bitter as he redirects his gaze somewhere that isn’t his boyfriend’s eyes. “Yeah.”

And after some silence, he adds, “I’m sorry.”

He feels Jeongguk hold his hand, stroking the sharp knuckles with his thumb.

“Don’t apologise, Tae. I’m not even mad at you, see? Haven’t I always told you that I’d support you no matter where we are? Well, that applies also for when we’re apart.”

His eyes prick as tears threaten to spill out of them, but he tries his hardest to not let them flow. It isn’t enough for Jeongguk to not notice, though.

“Hey, baby bear—look at me.”

Bringing his other hand up to furiously wipe at his eyes, Taehyung angles his head further away in refusal.

The grip on the hand that Jeongguk’s holding tightens a bit. “Look at me, Tae. C’mon.”

At the firm tone, Taehyung finally makes eye contact with his boyfriend.

Jeongguk’s facial expression softens in an instant upon seeing his state and Taehyung hates it. He hates how he cried again for the nth time in front of the other this entire summer break, and because of the same topic they’ve stressed over together for one too many times.

“Don’t you trust me?”

Taehyung feels himself pouting at the question because how could he ask that? “Of course I do.”

Holding eye contact, Jeongguk says, “Then continue to trust me when I say that I promise you that I’m gonna use all my willpower to make sure that nothing changes between us, okay? And that includes for when you leave tomorrow and we’re gonna start a long distance relationship. I know it won’t be easy since distance is something we’ve never experienced before, but we’ll work on it together like we’ve always done, and everything will turn out alright.”

The words swirl in Taehyung’s mind for a few seconds, and then he nods. It really won’t be easy—LDR. That’s why it takes Taehyung a few more seconds to voice his agreement when Jeongguk encourages, “Say it back to me, Tae.”

“Everything will turn out alright.” He parrots back, and finds that he actually believes in it as he sees that strong conviction in the other’s eyes. Jeongguk assuring him is enough to sate his never ending worries for now where they’ve built a warm and safe atmosphere around each other.

Jeongguk’s face softens even more upon hearing that, turning so, so fond, so he tugs Taehyung forward to hug him. Taehyung ends up straddling his lap on the couch, and then like magnets, without prompting, their lips are back on each other.

It’s so easy, the way their lips mold so perfectly against each other in such a soft and tender way that Taehyung is sure he could do this forever. And with the way Jeongguk is kissing him back just as soft and tender makes it obvious that he could do this forever, too.

And then suddenly—it isn’t so soft and tender anymore when their kisses become a bit more open mouthed, as they transition from innocent presses of lips to making out. When Taehyung feels Jeongguk’s tongue touch his bottom lip for the second time that night, he instantly opens his mouth for their tongues to meet and caress each other.

He feels so dizzy, with the way Jeongguk’s wet tongue is licking into his mouth, with the way Jeongguk is sucking his tongue or bottom lip into his own mouth, with the way their teeth are repeatedly clacking, with the way the sounds of slick slides from their saliva and harsh breaths as they pant against each other all reach his ears, with the way Jeongguk’s large hands are wandering and touching everywhere— from Taehyung’s shoulders, to his back tracing down his spine where they leave electricity in their path from the fleeting touch, to his waist where Jeongguk takes his time gripping firmly, squeezing and massaging the flesh of his soft back and thumbing at his even softer tummy through the fabric of his hoodie—

And then Jeongguk’s hands travel ever so slowly lower, where they settle on his clothed ass and stay there while the two of them continue to lick and nip.

Despite the haziness that is clouding his mind, Taehyung manages to realise that this is the first time that Jeongguk has ever held his ass. And it’s making him go absolutely crazy with the new feeling of those large hands on that specific area that it makes him uncontrollably let out a moan upon the unexpected contact.

“J—Jeongguk,” he whines into the other’s mouth, already wanting more of that new feeling as he feels heat pool between his legs, feels heat everywhere around him with every inch of contact on each other that he and Jeongguk are touching.

“Yes?” Jeongguk asks, and Taehyung almost moans again upon hearing how fucking sexy Jeongguk’s voice sounds, having dropped some octaves lower, making it raspy. He feels more heat between them erupt.

“I—” and he doesn’t know what he’s trying to say with the way Jeongguk’s grip on his ass turns more firm, which causes his mind to go completely blank.

“P-please…” Is what he settles for instead. Please what, he still doesn’t know the answer to, just hopes that Jeongguk will fit the missing puzzle pieces on his own, get the message and help him out because Taehyung feels his entire being turn to putty and melt in the hands of his boyfriend.

“Okay baby, don’t you worry,” the other says as his gaze turns impossibly dark with want by the second, “I’m gonna take care of you.”

One moment they were searing themselves into the couch, and the next Jeongguk is lifting Taehyung up off the ground, with both his hands still holding his ass secure enough for him not to fall. Taehyung locks his arms around the other’s broad shoulders with a tiny gasp from the sudden movement as Jeongguk carries him to where the bed is located.

Taehyung literally feels like he’s floating, like he’s on cloud nine with the way Jeongguk is holding him in his arms so securely yet it still manages to be so impossibly tender, as he’s being laid down on the soft mattress with Jeongguk hovering above him between his spread legs to give the other space.

Jeongguk places his forearms on either side of Taehyung’s head as they continue to kiss, and Taehyung feels the other’s fingers pet his hair, stroke his cheekbone, or probe at his chin for Taehyung to open his mouth even more as their tongues messily tangle.

And then he feels Jeongguk’s right hand moving away and slowly travelling along the side of his body, where the hold is light yet firm enough to leave a trail of fire in its wake. Along Taehyung’s arm where it’s still locked around the other’s neck. Along his tummy and waist where he tickles him lightly, causing him to squirm against the touch. Along his hip where Jeongguk squeezes a bit. Then it is travelling further down where Taehyung could feel Jeongguk’s hand on his bare left thigh where his shorts have ridden up.

Then Jeongguk is gripping Taehyung’s leg to move upward to rest his ankle over Jeongguk’s waist. Automatically, he moves his other leg to do the same, locking his ankles to cross over each other.

And then all of a sudden without warning there is friction against his clothed cock from where Jeongguk had just grinded against that immediately sets off an explosion of pleasure all over him. His eyes open wide as he stares into Jeongguk’s dark and narrowed ones, gasping for air at the entirely new feeling of euphoria.

Jeongguk lowers his hips and does it again, then again, then again—and then they are dry humping and rutting against each other. Taehyung can’t hear or even think about anything else but the pleasure from the other rolling his hips into his at such a quick pace through four layers of fabric. He’s burying his head back further into the pillow as he moans out so loud and prolonged along with Jeongguk’s own groans and grunts that he’s sure the residents that have already settled in this floor could hear them but he couldn’t care any less because it just feels so fucking good.

“Please don’t stop,” he begs, “ Please! Pleasepleaseplease don’t—”

“Don’t worry,” Jeongguk rasps out against his ear, “I’m not planning to.”

It’s too much and not enough all at once. Taehyung wants more, wants all of it— whatever it entails he doesn’t even care to try to figure it out, just knows that only Jeongguk can give it to him.

The roughness of Jeongguk’s hands are wandering all over his clothed body everywhere they can reach but he needs more of it—more of the touch, more of the warmth, more of the contact.

He just needs it all.

Jeongguk must have read his mind (or more of been thinking the same thing) because there are fingers lifting the hem of Taehyung’s hoodie, upward across his stomach then over his chest then it is below his chin as he slowly sits upright.

“Lift your arms for me, baby.” commands Jeongguk, yet his tone is so tender that it makes him want to listen to his every command from now on. He does as told right away, lifting his arms so that Jeongguk could remove his hoodie over his head, then it is being tossed away to the side.

Then Jeongguk’s lips are everywhere. He attacks Taehyung’s jaw, working his way down his neck, takes his sweet time over Taehyung’s sharp collarbones, kissing and slightly sucking the skin, sometimes biting, and all these new sensations just add to the sparking electricity that Taehyung feels that courses through his veins.

Taehyung sees Jeongguk moving on further down his body, where the other’s tongue traces the middle of his chest where his heart is rapidly beating, and over the smooth expanse of his stomach. 

There’s saliva everywhere all over Taehyung’s upper body, and maybe at any other time he’d feel disgusted but right now he feels the opposite with how warm and hot everything is, how summer is on the verge of ending and soon the cold of autumn will come upon them, but at this moment it feels like the heat of summer had cranked up in this very room and it surrounds them. He’s panting, his breaths come out in staccato, he’s thirsty but not for water. Not when he has Jeongguk looming on top of him with fire blazing in those eyes that scream want.

The tips of Jeongguk’s fingers dip a little in Taehyung’s shorts, but then the movement stops. Taehyung automatically lets out a whine at the abrupt lack of movement from the other—just wants everything, wants everything to keep on going, keep on moving, because that overwhelming heat he feels between his legs just keeps on building up that needs to explode and let go. He feels like crying, so he cries, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes down his cheeks and onto the pillow.

“Tae,” calls Jeongguk, and his voice is so comforting but he doesn’t answer, just cries and cries because his building orgasm has started to slowly simmer down and he doesn’t like that.

“Baby, why are you crying, hm?” comes Jeongguk’s soothing voice again, but Taehyung’s eyes are scrunched up from crying that he doesn’t see the other come closer to his face. Then he feels those soft lips press against his cheeks, a warm tongue tracing the streaks of his tears. The slide of the wet muscle on his face causes him to open eyes to stare into Jeongguk’s own.

His boyfriend smiles down at him. “There you are, my baby bear. Are you still with me?”

Taehyung nods in response a few seconds later, but Jeongguk is speaking again.

“Words, my sweet honey.”

“Y-yes,” he replies, but his voice cracks midway. He’d have felt embarrassed any other time but he’s too caught up in the sparkles that dance in Jeongguk’s deep eyes.

“I’m gonna ask you something very important right now, and I need you to be completely honest with me, okay? And if you say no to my question, I promise you I won’t be mad or disappointed at all because your comfort, safety and happiness come first and foremost in what I want.”

Confused, Taehyung asks, “What is it?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking…” the other starts, “How with you leaving tomorrow… and we’re boyfriends—and we’ve been together for basically nineteen years now. We’ve been each other’s firsts in literally everything there is to experience and—and I was just thinking that there is no better time than… than tonight, that’s why I invited you over and—”

Taehyung puts his hands over either side of Jeongguk’s cheeks, holding his face, and it immediately shuts him up. He smiles up at him. “What are you trying to say?”

“Can we be each other’s first times?” is what his boyfriend blurts out a split second later.

And Jeongguk suddenly looks nervous for the first time this entire evening, his confidence and domineering attitude cracking a bit once the words come tumbling right after the other out of his mouth. His smile is crooked but in that embarrassed way, and Taehyung realises that Jeongguk actually looks scared that Taehyung will say no. But who is Taehyung if he were to ever deny his boyfriend anything? It still doesn’t stop him from being absolutely caught off guard, his eyes widening upon hearing the question, though.

But it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it, because his smile is widening, feels his heart bloom with love. “Yes, let’s do it.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen as well, as if in disbelief. “R-really?!”

“Yes! I agree with what you said with us being each other’s firsts in everything else so it makes so much sense. And… you too are right in what you said about tonight being the best opportunity.”

But then the other’s eyes turn worried again, asking, “I… I’m not forcing myself on you right..?”

Taehyung threads his fingers through his boyfriend's hair, furrowing his brows a bit because how could he even think that? “Of course not, Gguk. I trust you so much with my entire heart and my entire being. There’s no other person in this world whom I’d want to experience this with. And I love you.”

Jeongguk leans down to kiss his lips repeatedly, saying “I love you too so much,” again and again between kisses. Taehyung giggles because he’s so happy and he’s so in love, and has the best partner anyone could ever ask for.

After the attack of kisses, Jeongguk looks him again in the eyes and says, “Okay, so I’ll need to take your clothes off first.”

The entirety of Taehyung’s face suddenly flushes ten times more than it already was at the very bold and direct statement. He nods timidly, then Jeongguk is leaning away again from his hovering position to sit up on his knees between Taehyung’s legs, as his hands thumb again at the hem of his shorts. The clothing, along with his underwear, are gently tugged down the length of his legs until it is tossed as well to join his hoodie on the floor—leaving his crotch area out in the open air where the subtle wind of the incoming autumn season breezes against the entire bare skin of his body but it isn’t enough to cool down the heat that he feels.

Taehyung is lying there on the bed completely naked, under Jeongguk who is still fully clothed. Being aware of this stark difference between them makes Taehyung let out an uncontrollable whine.

Jeongguk looks up at him from where the other has been staring at his crotch area with that underlying darkness in his eyes while massaging the flesh of his calves and thighs. “What is it?”

“Y-you—aren’t you going to remove your clothes too…?” And he must have said it with a pout because the other is leaning towards him again to kiss it away.

“Okay, I will, since you asked me so cutely,” says Jeongguk, grinning at him.

The other is lifting his white sweater off, revealing his milky white lean upper body tight with muscles from going to the gym every other day. And then he gets off of the bed, standing upright to remove both his sweatpants and underwear in one go, dropping them all on the floor right beside Taehyung’s own. And Taehyung just… stares at his boyfriend’s naked glory.

Because the two of them have known each other ever since they were literally only days old and have been stuck at the hip ever since to now, changing in front of each other and seeing each other’s nude bodies are a given, having showed everything to each other too many times to count that at this point neither of them feel ashamed to strip when they’re alone in the room, or when they decide to shower together for the sake of saving time. A highly important thing to note about those instances, however, is that they were never sexual, not even a tiny bit. Even when they started dating officially at sixteen years old, they have never mutually masturbated, had phone call sex, or sexted. They just did their explorations on their own, in their own time, and have sometimes talked about their preferences—because at the end of the day the two of them still are young, horny teens so they’d still want to share what they like. Probably the most ‘sexual’ thing they’ve done together is kissing with tongue, but that had only started the year prior, a day after Taehyung had turned eighteen.

But this? This time is an entirely new experience for the both of them because this is the first time they’re seeing each other naked and turned on, about to give each other the utmost of what pleasure can offer.

Jeongguk slowly crawls back to the bed after taking in the sight of each other’s naked bodies, looming over Taehyung once again, and Taehyung hugs the other’s shoulders so they could come closer to each other to connect into another sweet kiss. Then Jeongguk breaks it, reaching over to the bedside drawer to grab what Taehyung recognises are a bottle of lube and a condom.

“I’m gonna finger you now, okay?” asks Jeongguk, and Taehyung hums, nodding.

The bottle of lube is opened, and then Jeongguk is pouring it out onto his fingers. Once he brings his hand closer to Taehyung’s ass, Taehyung immediately blurts out, “You have to warm it up a bit… it can be cold.”

“Okay”, the other answers, rubbing his fingers together. After a while, he brings his fingers down again, and Taehyung moans out loud at the sudden feeling of those lubed fingers rubbing against the base of his dick down to his balls, down his perineum where Jeongguk massages over it, and then finally he feels a finger prod a bit at his entrance.

It pushes in but is met with slight resistance, Taehyung huffing out a moan as he closes his eyes, can’t help but clench around the pressure which Jeongguk definitely notices. “Relax for me, Tae.” he says, as his other hand rubs his thigh.

Taehyung forces himself to relax, focusing on the kneading of the flesh of his thigh, as he sighs loudly when Jeongguk’s finger goes in deeper. He feels Jeongguk rub the entire length of his finger against his walls to further loosen it, sparking so much pleasure from just that simple act, causing his dick to leak out a steady stream of precum. At a particular crook of Jeongguk’s finger, Taehyung throws his head back as he lets out the loudest moan he’s let out so far this entire evening.

“Guess I found it, hm?” rasps Jeongguk, as the sounds coming out from Taehyung’s mouth turn louder by the second… but it still isn’t enough.

“More,” he says after a while, “Please.”

The other doesn’t give a verbal response, but Taehyung gets his answer anyway when Jeongguk pulls his finger out only to push in two at once, scissoring them inside him. Then two fingers quickly become three, with Jeongguk soon alternating between fucking them into him at a fast pace and massaging his fingers against his walls, all actions causing his thighs to shake.

After some time, Jeongguk decides to focus on crooking his fingers towards where he knows Taehyung’s prostate is located because Taehyung feels the other’s fingers stop thrusting in and out to start continuously massaging at that particular spot. Taehyung feels more and more heat rush towards his cock, his stomach tightening, and he shouts, “Stop or I’m gonna cum! Please, Jeongguk, I’m ready! Please!”

The fingers suddenly disappear from inside him, and Taehyung tries to stop himself from whining at the loss because he knows something better is going to happen next.

He sees Jeongguk ripping the condom wrapper open, and he can’t help but ask, “...Why do we need a condom? It’s not like we’ve slept with other people anyway…”

Jeongguk pauses, then looks up at him, smiling. “I know, baby. But we still need to do it as safely as possible since we’re both new to this, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees, nodding.

After Jeongguk pulls on the condom, he lubes himself up by giving himself a few long strokes of his hand around his cock to spread the lube, and hisses at the sudden contact after not having any sort of relief because he prioritised Taehyung’s pleasure by fingering him over his own.

Taehyung sees the other line himself up, his breath hitching as they make eye contact.

“Ready?” Jeongguk asks him, and the look in his eyes shows so much—so much want, so much need, so much lust… but above all, love remains as the biggest emotion Taehyung can see that encompasses the warmth that his boyfriend has for him.

“Ready.”

When Taehyung feels the blunt head of Jeongguk’s cock rub against his rim, slightly pushing in as if hesitant, he sighs out a moan, closes his eyes, and his reaction must have been enough for Jeongguk to finally push in further, inch by inch, oh so slowly.

And he had never thought the experience of getting fucked by a real cock— Jeongguk’s cock—could feel this pleasurable with how big the other is, the way the girth of his cock just completely stretches Taehyung’s hole like none of his own fingers could ever do, the way the length of it just reaches every nerve ending that sends tiny jolts of electricity throughout his body. How his cock is hot and heavy, a solid weight that just goes deeper and deeper inside of him.

They both gasp and moan against each other’s mouths, half lidded eyes staring into the depths of each other’s irises. Taehyung feels like he’s out of breath, short exhales hitting Jeongguk’s parted glossy lips.

“Does it feel good?”

“Yes,” comes his answer, voice thin and breathy. “Fuck, you’re so—so big it hurts but at the same time I can’t get enough of it because it feels so good…”

He sees the other smirk a bit, and Jeongguk looks so fucking cocky above him yet so hot and Taehyung just feels so much right now.

“Really? Well, you wanna know how I feel?” the other asks him, but it’s rhetorical. “It feels like your tight hole is trying to suck my cock in, and it’s so warm and wet and—and fuck, Tae, you feel so perfect around me,”

Taehyung feels himself flush so much at the absolutely dirty words being spoken against his lips, but then all of a sudden Jeongguk is moving against him. Slowly pulling out far enough for only the head of his cock to still be inside, and then pushing back inside fast that it leaves Taehyung completely breathless at the whiplash that he moans out, “Oh—oh m-my god—ahh—”

And Jeongguk is repeating the action again, slow at first when pulling back, to a sudden rush of rocking back into his hole that Taehyung unconsciously clenches at the action, pulling out a groan from Jeongguk as they messily kiss.

Jeongguk grinds into him just like that for a while and Taehyung loves it, how it gives a steady build of pleasure in his gut and how there’s a steady running of electricity filling his veins. And then without warning Jeongguk is changing the pace from long and slow drags of his cock inside of him, to a faster and faster one, and that once steady electricity that Taehyung feels suddenly sparks and jolts all over him, his toes curling as his feet tingle, thighs shaking a bit, fingertips feeling as if lit up from the inside as Jeongguk’s thrusts turn harsher and harsher.

The sounds of Jeongguk’s hips slapping repeatedly against Taehyung’s ass cheeks, the slick sounds of Jeongguk’s cock driving in and out of him caused by the excessive amount of lube they used, the sounds of the headboard of the bed hitting against the wall from the force of the thrusts, the sounds of their pants, moans, groans, huffs, sighs, lips sliding, tongues tangling, teeth clacking—they all add to the overwhelming pleasure that it makes Taehyung cry out loud, tears streaming down his face, mouth open as he drools because of Jeongguk’s hot pulsing cock massaging against his walls.

“You’re taking me so well baby… my baby bear…” Jeongguk whispers against his ear and that childhood nickname that he has always been called with and has always been said with endearment and softness—but now as Jeongguk rasps it out again before kissing him deeply as they fuck makes it sound so fucking dirty and filthy, accompanied by all the absolutely obscene and lewd sounds as Taehyung takes Jeongguk’s cock deep, again and again and again.

His thighs are shaking and trembling, mouth open wide with exhales coming out harshly with every hard thrust being delivered into him, eyes screwed shut tightly, brows furrowed from pleasure. And when Taehyung unconsciously digs his fingernails into the shoulderblades of his boyfriend, he cries out an, “I’m close, fuck! I’m so close…”

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything, but just captures Taehyung’s lips again with his own into another messy kiss, slick slides of their tongues and lips from the saliva, and the angle of the other’s thrusts inside him change a bit that it suddenly begins sliding deeper than ever, this new angle making his cock rub against his prostate in such a more pleasurable way Taehyung never imagined was possible that it make him see stars with every thrust.

He whines and moans so loud his throat sores at every shock of pleasure running through his body, his long eyelashes clamping up together from all the tears that won’t stop falling, and after a few more thrusts Taehyung is suddenly cumming untouched, white spurts of his release shooting between their chests.

Taking deep breaths from his mind blowing orgasm, eyes shut closed, his limbs feel so numb that he doesn’t realise he’s clenching so hard around Jeongguk’s cock until Jeongguk is moaning, pushing against him and stills, cock pulsing so hotly inside as he cums into the condom.

They do nothing but pant against each other’s mouths, as Jeongguk tries not to slump on top of him, and Taehyung tries to keep his brain working from being clouded with haze and pleasure and being filled with cotton for so long. Jeongguk pulls out eventually, causing Taehyung to hiss at the oversensitivity, the other tying the condom first before throwing it in the waste bin nearby.

Then Jeongguk is leaning back down again after that so that they could kiss after catching their breaths, and kissing Jeongguk always feels like the first time with how they always take their time in exploring each other’s mouths and savouring the taste and feel of each other.

Separating after a while of making out, Jeongguk says, “Let’s go shower?”

And Taehyung wants to, but, “Ah, my entire body feels like jelly right now and my mind is barely functioning,”

“Oh really? So did I fuck you so good you could barely feel your legs?” the other says rather cockily while one end of his mouth quirks up into a smirk, chuckling a bit, and Taehyung would love to wipe that smirk off of his boyfriend’s face if only he didn’t find it so hot.

His face flushes at such crude words, and even if it’s true he won’t admit it. “Shut up. Just carry me please…?” and Taehyung gives him a pout as well, widening his eyes to look like a puppy’s—just the way he knows Jeongguk would do anything for.

He’s right because Jeongguk tries to kiss the pout off his face. “Alright, you big baby,”

Then one of Jeongguk’s arms is reaching to hold behind Taehyung’s back while the other goes behind the back of his knees, and Jeongguk tugs him closer to rest Taehyung’s head against his chest to carry him bridal style, lifting them both up off the bed to head to the bathroom only a few steps away.

Once inside, the other says, “I’ll have to put you down now, Tae.”

Sighing because he knows he could literally fall asleep in his boyfriend’s arms if he was allowed, Taehyung reluctantly disentangles his arms around Jeongguk’s neck. “Okay,” he says, and Jeongguk slowly lowers his legs until his feet are touching the cold tiled floor.

They take their time in the shower.

Half of the time they actually shower—lathering soap on each other’s bodies simultaneously, and taking turns scrubbing each other’s scalps with shampoo.

And then there’s the other half of the time—giggling into each other’s mouths as their lips lock, Taehyung’s bottom lip catching between Jeongguk’s own before opening to let their tongues tangle and lick into each other. Their hands are slippery from the soap and water as they touch and hold every inch of each other’s naked bodies where they can reach, and Jeongguk’s hands sneakily wind around Taehyung’s lithe waist only to drag lower to grope and knead the flesh of his bare ass, sometimes parting his cheeks to let his fingertips dance along the cleft, sometimes grazing his puffy rim to which Taehyung visibly trembles, moaning softly.

Under the spray of the hot shower, they both lightly grind their slowly hardening cocks against each other as they kiss and kiss, and Taehyung almost begs for Jeongguk to fuck him again right here right now with the way the other is slightly pushing a wet finger inside his hole every few seconds, but he knows they are both too tired for another round since both are overwhelmed from finally having lost their virginities to each other.

“L-let’s wash up, hm?” he says, voice shaky from trying to tamper down his building arousal, and Jeongguk’s eyes are dark with want again as they look into each other’s eyes, but agrees nonetheless.

“Okay.”

They quickly wash away all the soapiness from their bodies before finally shutting it off, then stepping out to towel themselves.

When they step out of the bathroom, Taehyung glances at the digital clock sitting on top of the bedside table, and his eyes widen.

“Shit! It’s almost one AM?? Eomma’s gonna kill me!” he shrieks, reaching for his underwear thrown haphazardly onto the floor along with the pile of clothes they’ve discarded there earlier.

“Tae, wait,” Jeongguk chuckles, reaching out to hold onto Taehyung’s forearm to turn him around.

“What?”

“No need to worry, okay? I asked her earlier if I could have you for the entire night and she let us. I could just drive you back home early in the morning, just in time for you to… to leave.”

“Oh,” Taehyung says. He wants to say something about how the other had hesitantly said he has to leave tomorrow, but he ignores it, prefers to tease Jeongguk instead to keep this light and warm atmosphere, so he says, “You’ve definitely thought this night through, huh?”

Smiling, Jeongguk pulls onto the arm he’s holding to make their chests almost touch, the other’s arms holding Taehyung’s waist, as Taehyung’s own go around the other’s shoulders. “Of course I had to. Nothing but the best for my baby bear.”

Taehyung almost immediately feels himself blushing upon the nickname. “D-don’t call me that anymore! You called me that while we were having sex and now that name has been scarred. You’ve ruined such an innocent nickname, Gguk!”

The other smirks as he looks at him so intently, and the look in the other’s eyes seems devilish. “I did ruin something so innocent, didn’t I,”

Eyes widening at the implication, Taehyung flushes even more, hitting Jeongguk’s chest lightly. “Stop talking! Let’s go to sleep now.”

…

Someone is patting his back in a way that isn’t meant for soothing but more for waking up, and Taehyung whines in complaint from being roused from sleep, scrunching his eyes closed even more as he tries to bury his face, rubbing his cheeks against something harder than he expected a pillow should be.

“Honey bear, we gotta get up now.” a voice murmurs from beside him.

“I don’t wanna…” he whines some more.

The voice chuckles deeply. “If we don’t, you might not be able to board your train on time.”

That’s when Taehyung does open his eyes, lifting his head a bit as he narrows his eyes at him. “Exactly why I don’t want to.”

Jeongguk’s eyes soften at that, before tugging him closer to lay Taehyung’s head back down against his chest. He sighs. “I don’t want that either, baby. But you have to go.”

“I’d rather stay here,” whispers Taehyung, as he wraps his arm around his boyfriend’s middle.

“I too want that.” Jeongguk answers just as softly. “I want to wake up every morning in bed with you laying beside me, as I hold you tight and cozy just the way you like it, as I attempt to wake you up with an attack of kisses all over your face and neck. I want to cook you breakfast before we both rush out the door to our classes realising we are late because we just couldn’t get enough of each other’s mouths. I want to pick you up from your classes and walk you to the next one. I want to come back here at the end of a tiring day and greet you with a ‘honey I’m home’ as you hug me with a smile on your face before we kiss.”

The other pulls back enough for them to make eye contact again, but still close enough for them to still be wrapped in each other’s arms. “I want all that… but it’s not in our future anymore. So I should scold my stupid mind until I start having new things to want.”

“...Like what?”

Jeongguk presses a kiss on the tip of his nose before answering, “New things like… wanting to call you in the morning to make sure you’re awake to get ready for your first class of the day. Wanting to FaceTime each other as we both eat our breakfasts, and rush out the door realising we’re late because we just couldn’t get enough of seeing each other’s faces through the screen. Wanting to text you throughout the day to read about all the teachers you don’t like and all the friends you’ve made because you’re such a social butterfly. And lastly, wanting to come back here at the end of a tiring day to call you and tell you how much I miss you here with me because you mean the entire world to me and that I love you. Hoping that in the definite future we’d have a place where we can call our own.”

Tears well up at the corners of Taehyung’s eyes, so he rubs them away with his hand right away but it proves to be futile when more come out. “I’m still laying down here with you and yet I already miss you.”

Smiling sadly, Jeongguk rubs Taehyung’s back as he lets him sob into the crook of his neck.

“I’ll miss you too, Tae.”

=T=

They have been travelling for about two hours now.

Taehyung’s dad would have driven him by car to Busan but he had an appointment at the clinic that couldn’t be moved, so Namjoon had been tasked instead to accompany him. To be clear, Namjoon doesn’t have a driver’s license, having decided he’s too much of a hazard to be controlling a vehicle in the streets which could potentially harm so many others, so he and Taehyung are taking the train.

He doesn’t know how to feel at the moment. Rather, he feels quite numb after all the tearful goodbyes he had to endure the entire morning.

First was his dad who was rushing to leave, so Taehyung had no choice but to rush his farewell with him as well. Just like how every father is no matter which country they are in, Mr Kim seemed emotionless and uncaring to anyone else who didn’t know him but of course, Taehyung knew better. His dad’s eyes showed sadness and longing despite his mouth set into a thin line before Taehyung was pulled into a big bone crushing hug. Smiling despite the tears forming in his eyes, he hugged back just as tightly, until his mom separated them so that she could have her turn. Unlike her husband, Mrs Kim on the other hand was a sobbing mess, not willing to let him go after more than five minutes of hugging while making sure he had everything packed, that he would contact them every week, that he would always look after his health, and the most important—that he does well in his classes and graduates on time. Their train schedule was coming up soon, however, so Namjoon had to eventually tug their mother’s suffocating arms away from Taehyung’s body.

Flagging down a taxi or taking the bus to the train station would eat up more of the time that they were running out on, so Jeongguk—who was of course still there for Taehyung to say goodbye to last—had so kindly offered to drive him and Namjoon to the station.

Once they had arrived with twenty minutes to spare, Jeongguk had accompanied them to their lane and Taehyung had forced him to sit down on the waiting bench with him as he tackled his boyfriend into a koala hug while Namjoon had stood a distance of three feet away from them to give them privacy which Taehyung was silently thankful for. Normally Taehyung wouldn’t participate in such public displays of affection with Jeongguk where they could be seen by about a hundred other strangers, but at that time, he only had about ten minutes left before he had to leave Seoul… leave Jeongguk. And the other had only held him in his arms just as warmly, and maybe just as desperate.

When Taehyung’s train had been announced to arrive in a minute, he was already beyond such a pitiful mess of tears and wobbling mouth as Jeongguk had wrapped his arms around his waist to pull him up to stand so that they could kiss. It was salty due to the never ending tears, but he was still left breathless with the way Jeongguk had kissed him with so much passion that said ‘don’t worry my darling, for I’d spend eternity waiting for you to be back in my arms once again.’

But the last words Jeongguk had vocalised to him by whispering in his ear was “I love you so much, Taehyung.”

Namjoon had graciously picked up all of Taehyung’s bags for him as they walked to the train once it had arrived with open doors, and once he was seated, Taehyung had turned his head around to look at his boyfriend through the window, and the image of Jeongguk in tears while forcing out a smile as they stared at each other’s faces was completely heartbreaking, and the number one thought that had popped up in his mind right at that moment was this is all my fault.

“Taehyung-ah, we’re arriving in five minutes.” says his older brother all of a sudden that effectively brings him back to the present, after two hours of silence since Namjoon was focused on reading a law textbook for advanced studying.

“Okay, hyung.”

I’m now in Busan, away from Jeongguk for the first time in nineteen years, and it’s all my fault.

That thought just won’t fucking leave his brain since two hours ago, and he remembers what Jeongguk had said to him earlier in the morning—about how they couldn’t change what their new reality is, but what they could change is their mindset regarding it. So because this is his fault, he’ll try. He’ll try to stay positive from now on no matter how hard he knows it will be.

...

“Hyuuuung, you don’t have to help me,” Taehyung whines as Namjoon pretends not to hear him because his brother is already walking into the elevator while holding his two luggages, turning around and saying a  “Well, aren’t you coming in?”

He rolls his eyes but follows him anyway.

Once reaching the third floor, Namjoon is still not letting go of Taehyung’s luggages so he leaves him be instead as they walk to his dorm numbered 309.

Fetching the keys in his pocket that was given to him by the woman in the dorm building lobby after registering, Taehyung unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a decent two-resident apartment.

“Oh? Your roommate has already furnished his side.”

Taehyung looks around as well, and is honestly impressed. “Yeah… it seems like he’s a neat person with how everything looks organised so that’s great—”

“—So it only means one thing. I gotta help you out in organising your things as well.” interrupts Namjoon, as he leisurely walks inside as if he’s the one living here instead of Taehyung.

“But hyung,” he can’t help but whine again, “You have a class later in the afternoon! You’ve already skipped two so far just to accompany me but now you need to head back.” Taehyung’s semester officially starts a week from now, while Namjoon’s had already started the week prior. Jeongguk and Namjoon are studying in the same university—that’s why Jeongguk couldn’t be here with him, he has some orientations as a freshman that he is required to attend in the early afternoon.

His brother heaves out a sigh, and Taehyung notes it’s weaved with so many heavy emotions. And when Namjoon opens his mouth to speak, he soon understands why.

“Just… just let me do this, hm? You’re my little brother and… I just want to spend some more time with you before I have to go back to Seoul.”

Taehyung’s bottom lip wobbles—a tell-tale sign that he’s definitely gonna cry again, but he forces himself not to by nodding. “Okay.”

By four p.m, he and Namjoon are finally done setting up all his things in the dorm. As they dust off their jeans, Namjoon puts his hand on Taehyung’s shoulder and squeezes it.

“Call me anytime, and I mean anytime whenever you need me, alright? And I’ll come rushing to you, despite knowing Jeongguk is definitely gonna be there first.” his older brother jokes, and Taehyung lets out a laugh knowing it’s wholly true, but still holds onto the sentiment.

“I promise.”

Namjoon gives him a wobbly dimpled smile, his eyes reddening from fresh tears collecting, before pulling Taehyung into a big hug. Taehyung hugs back, not wanting to let go because he and the other have always been close siblings.

“Thank you so much for today. I’m grateful I was given a hyung like you.” Taehyung says, teary eyed, trying not to cringe at the cheesy words he’s spoken to the other because they rarely become sentimental like this with each other.

“And I’m glad I have a brat for a dongsaeng.” Namjoon jokes again, and Taehyung knows his brother is just trying to lighten up the mood, and he’s thankful for it, knows Namjoon appreciates him so much.

“It’s gonna be alright, Taehyung-ah,” continues Namjoon, this time in a more serious tone once they pull back from the hug. “I know you’re gonna do well. And I know that you and Jeongguk love each other too much, so… try not to be too sad. Chin up always, hm? It may be hard, and I know how much you’ve been blaming yourself since you read your letter from Seoul University months ago even if you never talk about it with me but… it isn’t your fault. Maybe you’re just meant to study here instead of there, but it doesn’t mean you and Jeongguk aren’t meant to be, understand?”

Taehyung looks away, endless tears run down his cheeks as he is once again pulled into another hug. “...I understand.”

=T=

Park Jimin, as Taehyung soon discovers that very same day merely an hour after Namjoon has left, is an absolute angel on earth.

Taehyung had been sprawled all over the couch—one of the essential pieces of furniture that had already been provided by the university—in the tiny living area when he heard the muffled sound of a bunch of keys clinking together from outside the door, the doorknob being shaken a bit. Then the lock is turned, and once the door had opened, in came one of the most elegant looking people Taehyung had ever seen in his life. He sat himself upright as they stared at each other for a whole ten seconds before the other boy shrieked, asking, “You must be my roommate, right? Kim Taehyung-ssi?” to which Taehyung silently nodded, revelled in the strong Busan accent, but was confused at what the other said.

“How…? How did you know…”

“How did I know your name?”

A nod again.

The other’s smile turned more friendly, his eyes forming crescents. “It’s on the list when they told me the dorm number and gave me the key! You didn’t… check?”

Feeling his cheeks heat up from embarrassment because no, he didn’t since he was trying to convince Namjoon to let him bring his stuff to the room himself, so he just swiped the key from the staff’s hand after reading the number and rushed to his brother’s side. “I’m sorry, no. What’s your name?”

“I’m Park Jimin. Pleased to meet you,”

“Oh, Park Jimin-ssi, hello.”

“Please,” Jimin said dismissively, “Let’s talk to each other casually since I’m assuming we’re the same age?”

“Eighteen?” asked Taehyung, feeling giddy that his roommate is so friendly and kind.

Nodding, the other said, “Turning nineteen next month, though. You?”

“Ah, this December,” he answered, dropping formalities as agreed.

Jimin moved away from his spot by the doorway toward him and held his hand out with a bright smile. “I’m sure we’re gonna be bestfriends, Taehyung.”

It’s been a couple of hours since then, and now Taehyung is just laying in bed after he and Jimin had ordered some takeout for dinner from a local restaurant. Once his roommate had asked him if he was born and raised in Seoul (just by judging from his accent, most probably), Jimin had made sure to let his first meal here in Busan consist of the food the city is widely known for. It was really delicious as he had expected, with them sharing little and basic things about each other, Taehyung finding out Jimin is a physical therapy major and him sharing he’s an advertising arts major. And after that, they said goodnight to each other so that they could prepare early for the next day.

Jimin is… Taehyung is just really grateful he was assigned a roommate as kind as Jimin, someone who he could really see turn as a close friend since Jeongguk isn’t here with him.

Jeongguk.

To say that Taehyung is missing his boyfriend would be such an understatement because now all he could think about after all the crying from bidding his family goodbye, and the adrenaline from travelling and setting up his side of the dorm has all subsided, he is left with a dull ache in his heart that beats for its other half that isn’t there.

They video called a few hours ago when Taehyung had said good night to Jimin, and it was completely heartbreaking to not be able to be held, kissed, and whispered in the ear of sweet nothings by Jeongguk. Taehyung had told him of how Namjoon had insisted on helping him, how kind Jimin is… and how he can’t just wait for the next time he can travel back to Seoul.

The Kim family (along with Jeongguk) had come to the decision that it was best if Taehyung at least came back home every two weeks, so that meant twice a month, and Taehyung had promised them he would make sure it would happen.

Now it’s past twelve AM after Taehyung has showered and gotten dressed and is laying in bed, and once again he is craving the voice of his boyfriend to lull him to sleep. It’s what Jeongguk had been doing for the past several days even in Seoul anyway, since Taehyung’s mind just wouldn’t stop racing at all the worrying thoughts. But the thing is, they have already called each other earlier but Taehyung’s mind couldn’t shut up, so he hopes his boyfriend isn’t already asleep.

So without even another second to think about it first, he’s grabbing his phone and dialling Jeongguk’s contact.

It only takes one ring before it is picked up.

“Hello again, honey bear. Why are you calling?”

He inhales. “I can’t sleep. And this room is so new.” And it’s so far away from you.

A chuckle is heard from the other side of the line. “You want me to sing you to sleep again?”

“...Please?” Taehyung says in a small voice. “If it isn’t a bother to you.”

“Of course it isn’t, Tae. Nothing about you is a bother to me, you know that. I’d sing for you every night if it makes you feel better. And it’s Saturday tomorrow anyway. I don’t have classes on Saturday.”

“But aren’t you… tired?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that after travelling and unpacking for many hours?” The other asks, and Taehyung can sense the smile on Jeongguk’s face right now with the way he’s speaking. He ends up smiling too.

“Okay, okay, whatever. Now will you sing for me or are you just gonna continue teasing me until you bore me to sleep?”

“Hey!”

They continue to bicker like that until Jeongguk finally sings a song for him. And it’s so sweet. Jeongguk has a voice of an angel, Taehyung is still questioning himself on how a human being like himself could be blessed with dating a boyfriend who sings like an angel and has a heart of one that only beats for him.

He doesn’t know when he had started dozing off, but he’s sure that it’s with a smile on his face, and with an even lighter heart.