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Renowned philosophical sociologist Deeply Turgid has released his hardest hitting white paper yet: a treatise on social interactions entitled “Are You A Mahoosive Bellend?”
The scientific tome was started after Turgid was forced into attending a supposedly important international conference on the interactions between people of different nations, but which actually turned out to be a series of meetings held by an array of useless middle managment pillocks with all the wisdom and nous of a bucketful of damaged table legs.
Deeply’s initial suspicions of the organisers of the ‘conference’ triggered his desire to find out if they were truly a bunch of complete prawns in manky mayonnaise or if they were just a misguided congregation of clapped out crab-brains.
His research took him on a journey from Sudan to Japan via Milan and Yucatan, from Tiger bay to Mandalay as well as Bombay and Santa-Fe. During his globe-trotting adventure of understanding he talked to many of the worlds greatest wannabe Freuds as well as many of the other poor scientific saps who had been dragged into the idiotic event. He shot the breeze with politicians around the globe and businessmen here, there and everywhere. In an effort to acheive balance, he also (at a distance) delved into the thoughts of some of the lower classes and the monetarily challenged.
in an interview with CBD News, he stated that an important part of his research was to see if there was a link between becoming corporate management and becoming a bellend. It would seem there was indeed a direct connection between the two states of being and that they were so closely intertwined that it was difficult to tell which was which. He did stress however that it was entirely possible to be a mahoosive bellend without being in a managerial position, and becoming a twat could happen to pretty much anyone.
In a seperate interview with Almost OK magazine, he claimed that the conclusions that he reached after this enormous field trip were startling: nobody likes middle management. At all. All the upper level bods thinks they’re needless little bottom feeders, and the shop floor types think that people who call meetings are a load of slimy, pointless, pretentious pillocks who are no good for anything practical at all. He also concluded that the only people who actually liked meetings needed their loathsome little heads examined, and that anyone who actually enjoyed attending Annual General Meetings were truly awful people who belong in padded rooms.
As of the time of the writing of this appalling article, Deeply Turgid has sworn never to attend another conference or AGM again or indeed be interviewed by a bunch of, in his own words, ‘feckless, idiot reporters’. Ever.