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Chapter Text

“Ms Myoui will be seeing you shortly.”

“Thanks.”

English still felt foreign on Nayeon’s tongue, even after weeks of practice, which was annoying. She hadn’t sat through hours of the finest English tuition her company could pay for just to be so unsure of herself. As she gathered up her documents and retired to one of the nearby chairs, she visualized herself consigning all her doubts and concerns over the language to a box. That sort of thing always helped.

After staring at her papers for a few more minutes, Nayeon gave up and headed for the nearest bathroom to relieve herself. There was no point in rehashing points that she’d already drummed into her skull on the way here; she’d just have to have faith… but the last hurdle was always the worst. That was how it always was. One last interview, one last meeting, one last report… and then, success -

Wait.

Hold on.

Nayeon squinted, slowly shut the door behind her, and concentrated until she was absolutely certain that her ears weren’t deceiving her.

There was someone crying in here, and Nayeon was pretty sure that it was the lady occupying the cubicle on the right. It was, after all, the only occupied cubicle in the whole bathroom.

I’m going to regret this, Nayeon thought, and knocked confidently on the door. “Hi, is everything okay?”

Nayeon winced at how she’d mangled the pronunciation, but the woman in the cubicle didn’t seem to notice. Instead, she took three deep breaths, coughed wetly, and managed to force out a few words.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

She was so soft that Nayeon had to press her ear to the cubicle door to hear her.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes,” came the reply, in between a few soft, heaving breaths. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

Great, Nayeon thought, suddenly feeling a lot more awkward, and fled to the cubicle at the other end of the bathroom to relieve herself. When she was done - once she’d washed her hands and checked that there was no dirt in her ear from the cubicle door - she prepared to leave… which was when she noticed that the crying had started up again.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked. “Do you want me to get someone?” Distantly, she noted with satisfaction how easily the language was rolling off her tongue.

“It’s fine,” replied Cubicle Lady, voice rising by a few decibels, “really. It’s fine.”

Nayeon checked her watch and made a snap decision. “Do you want to talk about it?”

A few beats passed as Cubicle Lady gave it some thought. “Not really,” came the barely-audible answer. “I’m… it’s fine. I’m just a bit… a bit homesick. Really.”

“Oh, same here. I just came here from Korea, and everything’s different.” Nayeon closed her mouth, checked her grammar in her head, and started to compose her next sentence.

“Korea?”

“Yes,” Nayeon answered, “Korea.”

There followed a whispered string of words that may or may not have been expletives, followed by a few loud sniffs. “One minute.”

Perplexed, Nayeon backed away from the door and went to the sink to wash her hands one more time. The door opened while she was drying her hands, and she turned around to see -

Well, she wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but it certainly hadn’t been the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen in her life. Holy crap. Even her tears were - okay, that was weird. But even with tear tracks still visible on her face - tracks that she was currently scrubbing away with an expensive-looking handkerchief - she was still… wow. Wow. And -

Nayeon’s eyes tracked down past Cubicle Lady’s breasts and skidded to a stop at her belly, which swelled grandly outwards from her slim frame.

“Ms Im?” Cubicle Lady was doing an incredible job of pretending that she hadn’t been having a mini-breakdown just a few minutes ago. “I’m, uh.” She paused, dried her hands with a paper towel, and crumpled the towel into a ball. “Well. This is a bad first impression.”

While Nayeon was parsing her words, her eyes tore themselves away from Cubicle Lady’s stomach and scanned her hands. No ring. She doesn’t have a ring. She’s not -

“Myoui Mina,” said Cubicle Lady. She schooled her lips into an uneasy smile and extended her right hand; reflexively, Nayeon took it. Her hand was cool and soft to the touch. “And you’re Ms Im, right?”

“Right,” Nayeon croaked. “Yes. 네.”

Ms Myoui’s smile seemed to solidify slightly. That was good.

Abruptly, Nayeon realized that she was still holding onto Ms Myoui’s hand. Ms Myoui seemed to realize it too, because both of them let go simultaneously.

She held the door for Ms Myoui.

-----

“Sorry,” Ms Myoui said, “can you repeat that for me?”

Nayeon wasn’t annoyed. She really, really wasn’t annoyed. There were many, many mitigating factors working in Ms Myoui’s favour, after all, and Nayeon really had no right whatsoever to be annoyed. In fact, the very fact that these thoughts were currently running through her mind just made her feel even worse about her own (mild) irritation with this woman -

“I’m sorry,” Ms Myoui murmured, rubbing one hand across her forehead, eyes closed, one hand resting on the curve of her belly as it rose ever-so-slightly above the surface of her desk, “I’m just - this is - there’s no excuse, honestly.” Her shoulders had slumped, and there was a defeated quality to the way she spoke that… well, Nayeon just didn’t like it.

“No, it’s fine,” she replied, as earnestly as she could. “Ms Myoui - ”

Ms Myoui made a gesture that Nayeon chose to interpret as a nod.

“I’m really not in a rush. It’s okay.”

“Just let me - just let me refer you to -”

“Mina!”

Just as Nayeon realized that Ms Myoui was crying again, the door opened and a woman with a sharp nose and an even sharper chin darted in, straight to the other woman’s side. “Oh my god, are you okay? What did she say to you?” No sooner had she wrapped her arms around Ms Myoui’s shaking shoulders than she rounded on Nayeon, eyes blazing. “What did you say to her?” She would probably have added “you bitch” if another woman hadn’t entered the room after her, arms outstretched in a gesture that Nayeon recognized as “calm down”.

“Sana, let her speak,” said the other woman. Oh, good, Nayeon thought to herself, at which point the other woman turned to her and continued, in a very measured tone, “You have thirty seconds to explain yourself before we call security.”

In the end, she’d barely finished sputtering out an apology in mangled English before Ms Myoui interceded for her. The three women huddled together, sneaking a few glances at Nayeon as they did - Nayeon couldn’t catch anything they were saying, and it sounded an awful lot like Japanese besides - before the sharp-nosed woman - Sana, apparently - slapped a mildly embarrassed smile on her face and apologized profusely. Her apology contained a lot of complicated-sounding words, which was how Nayeon knew it was probably less genuine than it sounded.

The other other woman - who introduced herself as Hirai Momo - brought Nayeon to her office, sat her down, and resolved her issue in five minutes. “I just need you to do something for me,” she said, once she was done. “If anyone asks who your attorney was, just say Myoui Mina. Understood?”

Nayeon nodded.

“Good,” Ms Hirai said, with some satisfaction, the corner of her mouth twisting upwards in what had to be some sort of facial tic. “Good day, Ms Im.”

-----

Jeongyeon cackled, dodged the stress ball that Nayeon had sent flying at her, and cackled some more. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she wheezed, gasping for breath, “Im Nayeon, the world’s most useless lesbian.”

“Don’t be mean, Jeong,” Jihyo chided, but she was grinning too.

“I didn’t mean to,” Nayeon whined. Her face had been simmering for the better part of an hour; it had gotten so bad that she’d just buried herself under her favourite scarf and slumped at her desk to let it cool down. “How was I - I mean, it’s entirely possible -”

“She’s never going to see you again,” Jeongyeon chuckled, momentarily getting her chuckles under control, and held up three fingers. “That’s one. Two, she’s a het - self-explanatory. Three, those two colleagues of hers will never let you near her ever again.” She paused, gave the matter some thought, and held up another finger. “Four, your English is terrible.”

“Shut up, I’m not that bad.”

“Oh, yeah? Then why are we speaking Korean right now?”

Nayeon gave up.

The burn in her cheeks lasted until the early afternoon, after which Nayeon sat at her computer and worked for a solid three hours. It was the only way she knew to take her mind off a crush. (It wasn’t like she hadn’t had crushes before… but Ms Myoui [just call her Mina, it’s in the privacy of your own mind, after all] was different. Or was that just because she looked different?)

Nayeon knew that it wouldn’t work in the long-term, though. It wasn’t the first time this had happened to her. She’d think about Ms Myoui for the next few days, mope for a month, and swear off dating for half a year (at least, that was her previous record). Eventually - hopefully - the ache would fade, and Ms Myoui would take her place beside Nayeon’s other, hopelessly unattainable crushes, mounted on a pedestal, untouched by age, frozen in the state that she had been in when Nayeon had first met her.

Heh. Would that mean that she’d be pregnant forever?

“Nayeon? Hey, Nayeon!”

“Whuh?”

“Go home,” Jihyo said. She looked as tired as Nayeon felt. “Come on. You’ve only got an hour left to clock in, and it looks like you’ve been very productive today.” That was sarcasm; Nayeon had barely made a dent in the orders they’d received. When no answer was forthcoming, her eyes softened. “Come on. Go home. Take care of yourself. This too shall pass. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Life went on. It wasn’t the end of the world. And, just to prove that it wasn’t, Nayeon went shopping for groceries immediately after knocking off from work. She was running low on a ton of food - pig’s trotters, ramen, kimchi, that sort of thing - and besides there wasn’t anything else that she had to do that was particularly important. She’d go home, put on a good movie, maybe one of IU’s newest dramas (Nayeon loved IU), and enjoy herself a nice glass of wine. She deserved it, honestly - this whole corporate issue had been bugging them for a while now, and it was good that Ms Hirai had sorted it out -

Wait. Not Ms Hirai. Nayeon slapped her forehead. Ms Myoui. Ms Myoui. Ms Myoui -

“Oh!”

There was another woman who’d been reaching for the same pile of pig trotters; she’d overbalanced and bumped into Nayeon. Blinking furiously, Nayeon pressed forward, pushing the other woman back upright (god, she was heavy), and stepped backwards. The woman in front turned, as if to apologize -

“Oh. Ms Im?”

What the fuck? Nayeon’s brain supplied, eloquently.

“Er,” Nayeon stuttered, “hi. Ms Myoui.”

“You can call me Mina,” the other woman said, smiling unsteadily. “It’s fine.” She took a few tottering steps backwards. “Out of the office, I’m Mina.”

“Then you must call me Nayeon,” Nayeon said, sounding like the incredibly suave lesbian that she, as a matter of fact, was not. She glanced at the pig’s trotters, forcing herself not to look the other woman in the eye, and remarked, “Do you, uh, do you need that?” It wasn’t the only tray of pig’s trotters that the supermarket had. Leaning over, she grabbed the tray and passed it to Ms My - Mina , who took it with a murmur of thanks and placed it in her basket.

“Yes, and thank you.” Nayeon stuffed her own tray of pig’s trotters into her basket, still studiously avoiding Mina’s gaze, and followed her as she made a beeline for the cashier. There were a few things that Nayeon still needed to buy, but - eh - they could wait. There was always tomorrow.

Was it just her, or was there suddenly a spring in her step?

“Momo - I mean Ms Hirai -” and here Mina glanced over at Nayeon, as if waiting for a reaction - “she loves jokbal.”

“Then she can’t be all bad.”

There followed the purest giggle Nayeon had ever heard. (God, you’re starting to sound like a broken record.) “Your English is very good,” Mina noted. “Have you been here long?”

“A few months,” Nayeon allowed. “We - me and my colleagues - we’re setting up the American branch of the company that we work for.”

There was a brief lull as they each paid for their groceries, and then they were outside the supermarket. Nayeon bit her lip.

“You must let me buy you dinner,” she said, all in one gush, eyes snapping up to meet Mina’s. “I’m so sorry to have flustered you so much today.”

Mina shook her head. “If anything, I should be the one buying you dinner,” she replied, softly but insistently. “My brain just wasn’t working properly today. I wasted your time.”

“Yes, but I put pressure on you to do your job… I shouldn’t have done that -”

“How about we treat each other to dinner? You first, then me?” Mina pressed her lips together, and Nayeon realized that they had been standing outside the supermarket for the past… for a while, just negotiating back and forth over a matter of basic politeness. “I have a car, you know.”

“Sure, sure.”

Dinner was had at a small diner not too far from either of their apartments. Nayeon paid.

“So, do you normally shop at that supermarket?”

“No, not really. I knocked off work early.”

“Me too,” agreed Mina, squeezing an eye-watering amount of ketchup onto her meal. “We usually knock off at seven.”

Seven? What sort of slave-driver is your boss? “Wow,” Nayeon remarked, translating her thoughts into something more palatable, “that’s… really long hours.”

“That’s how it is for lawyers,” Mina said, pausing to chew. After she swallowed, she continued. “I’m sorry if Momo and Sana were a bit rude to you, by the way. They’re really protective of me.”

Who wouldn’t be? “Oh, it’s fine. I understand.”

“That’s good. I’d hate for my friends to not get along.”

“We’re friends?”

“Well, we’re having dinner together, aren’t we?” Mina’s lips turned upwards. This smile, unlike her previous ones, was steady and genuine. Nayeon felt a sudden warmth in the vicinity of her sternum that could have either been heartburn or a surge of affection (or attraction) so intense that it physically hurt to experience. She coughed, looked down at her food, and took a sip of her drink to cool herself down.

They exchanged phone numbers - “the better to arrange our next dinner” - and emerged out into the night. By this time, it was already rather late; Nayeon walked Mina to her apartment, carrying her groceries, and ascertained that she lived just a stone’s throw away from her.

“Thank you for dinner, Nayeon,” Mina said, standing on the doorstep of her apartment, groceries cradled in her arms. “It’s… it’s been a while since I ate with someone new.”

“No worries.” Nayeon glanced at her feet, awkwardly, and then at Mina’s face, suddenly desperate to absorb as much of her features as possible, in the event that they never spoke again. There was suddenly an acute silence between them, heavy with possibility.

Then Mina retreated into her apartment, squeaked out a “Good night” and shut the door.

Nayeon stared at the door for a few moments, turned around, and made her way home.

Chapter Text

“Mina? Mina, are you okay?”

Blindly, Mina groped for her Kleenex. “I’m fine,” she called, clearing her throat loudly, and hastily mopped up the mess she’d made of her mascara. “Just give me a minute.” Once her face was somewhat dry, she made a grab for the handrail to the side, hung on for dear life, and slowly manoeuvred herself into a standing position before shuffling out of the cubicle and making a beeline for the sink.

Sana sighed. “Are you sure you don’t want to take a few more weeks off?” she asked. “I don’t think the partners would mind. Everyone knows you’ve been doing good work - what’s a few extra weeks off? I’d kill for a few extra weeks of leave, myself -”

“There’s no need,” Mina interrupted, wiping her hands hurriedly. “I like my job, Sana, really, I do. Why would I give all that up just to mope around at home? I’d get rusty in no time.” She wobbled on her feet, unsteady, and made her slow, ponderous way out of the bathroom, Sana trailing in her wake like a concerned puppy. It was humiliating, really, the way the sheer weight of her stomach forced her feet to travel diagonally outwards. It made her waddle. Like a penguin. (Not that there was anything wrong with penguins.)

No. Stop that. Self-pity is unwarranted and unwanted.

Mina took a deep breath, tilted her chin upwards, and resolutely ignored the many eyes on her as she made her way back to her office.

“Is there any reason why you were looking for me?” she asked, once she was safely ensconced behind her desk.

“No reason.” Sana plopped into a nearby chair and spun around, a few strands of bottle-blonde hair escaping her ponytail. “Well, not really. I was looking for you about the Kang case, but -”

“Oh, the Kang case?” Mina held up a finger and rummaged through her drawers, fingers dancing over the multicoloured tabs poking out of the thick stacks of paper therein. “Yeah, I have the documents you asked for. Sorry, I know we’re almost at the deadline Momo set for us -” and here Mina emitted a small cry of triumph as she pulled out a somewhat smaller stack of paper - “but I’d like to think that we can use this clause of the agreement to -”

“Mina.”

“What?”

Sana adjusted her sleeve and fixed her with a stare. “Are you okay?”

Mina blinked. “Yes, of course. But the Kang case -”

“Look, we can talk about the Kang case after lunch.” Sana shifted in her seat, leaning forward to prop her elbows up on Mina’s desk. “But - Mina, we’re worried about you. I mean, you deserve your privacy and all, and we know you value your privacy, but… I mean, I don’t know about the rest, but whenever me and Momo hear that you’ve been crying in the bathroom, it’s just -”

They wouldn’t understand.

It wasn’t that Mina didn’t want to tell them (though she really, really didn’t), it was just that… there were some things that one just didn’t share with one’s colleagues… or with anyone, really. How could she even begin to tell them about the things that kept her up at night? They were just too weird, too intimate, too emotional. No. She’d keep them to herself. It was for the best.

And then there was the issue of how a significant proportion of the firm was either indifferent or antagonistic towards her. Honestly, Mina had no idea how things had gotten to this point, but a small voice in the back of her head was convinced that it was because the only two people whom she spoke to on a regular basis were Sana and Momo. And, well… what could she do about that?

No. Her problems were her own. Her colleagues… they’d use them against her, she knew it. Not Sana or Momo, of course - Mina had to believe that they, at least, had her best interests in mind - but the other attorneys and managers and executives whom they spoke to on the daily. Sana couldn’t keep a secret if her life depended on it, and Momo would let something slip at some point.

“I’ve always been able to cope with the stress, really,” she began, having realized that Sana was looking at her expectantly. “It’s just everything else, you know? That’s it. Really, that’s it.” She twisted her lips into a sheepish smile, hoping that it’d convince the other woman. “I’ll be okay once all this is over.”

“Sure, sure.” Sana rose to her feet, nodding, and made for the door. She didn’t look convinced, but at least she hadn’t pressed the matter, which Mina appreciated. “We’ll talk about the Kang case after lunch, alright?”

Mina nodded.

“Wanna come with?”

Mina shook her head and gestured at her lunchbox.

Sana sighed. “You never join us for lunch,” she complained.

As the door swung shut behind her, Mina shook her head, jerking her bangs out of the way, and blinked as she glanced down at her lap and caught her hand gently rubbing against the swell of her stomach. Ugh, not again.

This was when her phone dinged.

Im Nayeon: tgif!! shall we have dinner tonight at the same place?

Myoui Mina: sure. 8pm?

Im Nayeon: okay. will probably reach before you do

Nayeon was nice, Mina decided. None of the other female clients who’d stumbled on her, uh, venting in the bathroom had actually made any effort to reach out, so it was only fair that she reach out to the one woman who’d been decent enough to ask if she was fine (Sana and Momo didn’t count). It didn’t hurt that she was pretty, either.

Still, it begged the question: why now? Mina wasn’t a social person. Maybe it was because they’d met at the supermarket, and the surprise of seeing her had spurred Mina to shoot her mouth off and be less taciturn than she usually was. Maybe the loneliness of living alone in an unfamiliar city had finally gotten to her. Maybe -

Maybe it was just hormones.

Yes, Mina decided, it was probably hormones.

-----

“So, how was work?”

Nayeon blinked, closed her mouth, and chewed on the question for a bit. As she began to ramble, Mina leaned back into the cushions, tried to make herself comfortable, and let Nayeon’s words wash over her. She hadn’t had the time to change out of her blouse-and-jacket ensemble, and her stomach was feeling really itchy. Carefully, she reached for the itchiest patch of skin and started to scratch it through the fabric.

“You know, I was going to ask you that question myself.”

“Work was fine.” Mina wiped her mouth, folded up the napkin into little squares, and set it down beside her drink. “Same as usual, I mean. We’re working on a big case - the sort that takes months to settle in favour of one party or another - and I’d like to think that we made some headway in that regard today.”

“Oh, so you’re saying that my company’s case was a small one?”

“That’s not what I said,” Mina squeaked, going red, and Nayeon laughed. Funnily enough, it was the first time that Mina had ever heard her laugh. It was a deep, loud, rich laugh, the sort of laugh that made other people sit up and take notice. “No, no, no, your company’s case wasn’t a small one - I’d say it was about medium-sized. Fortunately, though, you shouldn’t have needed much more than a few minutes of expert help from our end -”

“My professional pride demands that you refer to my company’s case as a large one,” Nayeon interjected, gesturing with her fork, and Mina suppressed another smile. “Come on, would that be so hard?”

“I’m a lawyer. We traffic in the truth, and the truth is, Nayeon, that your company’s case is medium-sized - at most. It’s hardly a complex matter for a trained attorney, but since you don’t seem to have one on your payroll -”

Mina wasn’t sure how she’d managed to last so long without regular human interaction outside the workplace. She’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to just talk without second-guessing herself and passing every sentence she spoke through a filter, painstakingly weighing up the pros and cons of her every move.

She paid, this time, and Nayeon walked her home again.

“I think the cashier was checking you out,” Nayeon teased, and Mina shot a surprised glance at her as they stepped into the lift. “You know, the short one? The one with the tattoos?”

“Really?” Mina looked down at herself, struggling to find anything attractive about her current state. “I didn’t think -”

“Don’t say that,” Nayeon interrupted, and - abruptly, impulsively - wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Come on. I can see it! I can really see it. You’re good-looking! Don’t short-change yourself."

“Right,” Mina replied, suddenly a bit short of breath. “Right. Sure.” As they stepped out into the lift lobby, she stared out into the darkness, turning her face a few degrees away from Nayeon’s, and furtively fanned at her face. Was she having a hot flash? God, why now?

“Do you want to meet up again? For, uh, dinner?”

“Yes,” Mina blurted, jerking with surprise, and made a small noise of dismay as her key fell to the ground. Knees creaking, she began to squat, but Nayeon beat her to the punch and pressed her keys into her hand. “I mean - yes, sure. Of course.”

Her key turned in the lock on the first try, and Mina squeezed inside just as Nayeon thanked her for dinner. 

“No worries.” Mina turned around to face Nayeon. “So, uh, next time?”

“Sure.”

There it was again - that palpable silence. (Mina would have described it as pregnant with promise, but that would have been a bit too on-the-nose. Even for her.) Mina searched for something witty to say - something smart and intelligent that didn’t sound like an infodump - but her mind was blank. Instead, only irrelevant questions popped into her head as she stared at Nayeon, questions like Can I hug you? and What brand of lipstick do you use? and Do you use perfume? and Can you put your arm around my shoulders again?

In the end, Mina’s mouth took the first step to end the encounter before any of those weird questions could escape and pollute their relationship.

“Goodnight, Nayeon.”

“Goodnight, Mina.”

The door shut. Mina slumped against the wood and groaned, long and low, as the sound of Nayeon’s footsteps tramping back to the elevator reached her ears.

Chapter Text

Whistling, Nayeon sidled up to the counter.

Chaeyoung glanced up, face fixed in an expression of perfect innocence. “Hi,” she chirped. “What will you have today, ma’am?”

“One cappuccino,” Nayeon recited - it was her usual order - and surreptitiously slid five dollars over the counter.

Chaeyoung pocketed half of it and dumped the remainder in the till. “Thanks, ma’am!”

Nayeon lowered her voice. “You did well yesterday.”

“You didn’t need to pay me, you know.” Chaeyoung adjusted her spectacles, plucked a cup from the pile beside her, and gave the coffee machine a violent wallop. “I’d have checked her out regardless.”

“Is that so.”

Chaeyoung caught the look on Nayeon’s face, paled, and turned around quickly. “I mean, I’m just looking,” she threw over her shoulder, “doesn’t mean I’ve got any designs or anything. You know me, Ms Im. I’ve already got a girlfriend; why would I be looking at other girls?”

Nayeon squinted. “I’ve got my eye on you, Son Chaeyoung.”

“Yeah, ha-ha-ha, very funny. But seriously,” and here Chaeyoung performed a fancy flourish with the foam, “what’s up with your date?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, she’s obviously really shy. How’d you snag her?”

“Long story. We ran into each other at the supermarket.”

“Oh, so you two live close to each other?” Chaeyoung winked. “Invite yourself over to her apartment, come on. Take the first step!”

Nayeon turned up her nose. “I’m not going to take relationship advice from a girl four years my junior.”

“And I have a girlfriend. Your point?”

Nayeon shot her a dirty look, grabbed her cappuccino and marched off. On her way back to her table, she snagged a few sugars - just how she liked it - and three napkins.

“What?” she snapped, once she reached her table.

Jeongyeon shook her head. “Nothing.”

“You’re shaking your head, Yoo Jeongyeon. I know what that means.” Nayeon plopped down into her seat, folded her arms, and turned away to stare at the sun-drenched world outside. “Come on, out with it. What did I do wrong?”

“Many things.” Jihyo counted them off her fingers. “For one thing, paying Chaeyoung to ogle a pretty girl is superfluous - but I think you’ve already heard that from her. For another thing - don’t you think you’re moving a bit quickly?”

“You’ve known Jeongyeon since we were all teenagers,” Nayeon retorted. “We are not the same.”

“Okay, fair.” Jihyo sucked noisily on her milkshake. “Also, are you sure she’s, like, attracted to you?”

“I trust my gaydar.”

“Oh, and it’s never wrong, is it?” Jeongyeon took the milkshake from Jihyo and took a swig of it as Nayeon rolled her eyes. Honestly, sometimes she really hated third-wheeling. “Still, I mean, she’s been asking you out on a lot of dates lately. I mean, wow, twice a week?”

“And a third one lined up for this weekend. At this same diner.” Nayeon couldn’t help but push her chest out a little bit. She had to count her victories, after all.

“Home-ground advantage.” Jihyo nodded philosophically. “If and when you finally decide to declare your love, Chaeyoung will at least be in a position to arrange something.”

“Hey!”

“Don’t give us that look.” Jihyo shifted in her seat and glanced around; they had occupied a booth at the far end of the diner, their usual spot. “We know how over-the-top you can be. Remember that Christmas party two years back?”

“Oh, that one was a classic, ” Jeongyeon chortled. “Remember? You spent your entire monthly salary on that party - a marching band, rivers of alcohol, bursting out of a cake - man, I’d kill to see that happen here.”

-----

“Hey, are you okay?”

Mina glanced up, met Nayeon’s eyes, and glanced back down again quickly. “I’m fine,” she stuttered, her heart throbbing in her chest, and started spooling up a long strand of her spaghetti to stuff in her mouth. “I just… don’t get out often on the weekends.”

That was an understatement. Mina never left her apartment on weekends, except for a quick grocery run on Saturday. Typically - which is to say every week, without fail - she headed to the same supermarket for supplies on Saturday, Monday and Wednesday. The rest of the weekend was spent watching movies, TV shows and animes, playing video games, sleeping, or - and this was not something that she ever wanted to admit to anyone - just moping on the couch, bawling her eyes out. In recent weeks, she’d been moping around a lot, and Mina knew that she tended to get snappish when in a mopish mood. This was why she’d gone silent; she didn’t want to say the wrong thing, or say the right thing in the wrong tone, or anything like that. So it was best not to talk at all.

“Oh.” Nayeon blinked, nodded slowly, and took another sip of her water. Mina could tell that she’d wanted to order a beer - her eyes had lingered on that part of the menu the longest - but she’d probably decided to order a cup of water out of solidarity for Mina. She’s so considerate. “No, it’s fine. I mean, if you’re not comfortable with meeting up on the weekends, I can do weekdays too - it’s just - oh, mind holding on a minute?”

Mina turned around in her chair and watched as Nayeon rose to her feet, striding across the floor to shout something in Korean at the elderly couple who’d just entered. The old man shouted something back and hugged Nayeon like an old friend; at the same time, his frail-looking wife started to pat her on the shoulder, muttering something into her ear. Mina wasn’t a student of Korean - she just watched a ton of (i.e. too many) Korean dramas - but from what little she could hear, they were talking about… something? Never mind.

She turned back to her carbonara and sighed. How was she going to finish this? Her appetite had see-sawed again, and now it was all she could do not to stop eating altogether. Carefully, she spooled up another strand of spaghetti and stuffed it in her mouth, tamping down the sour feeling of being left out. Pathetic, she thought. You’re pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic -

“Do you want me to take this dish away, ma’am?”

Mina glanced up and saw the cashier from Friday. To be fair, it was hard to miss her - everything about her, from her sleeve tattoos to her fashionably unfashionable boy-cut, contrasted dramatically with the warm lighting and soft upholstery of the diner. Her mind went blank - as it always did when she hadn’t been mentally prepared to meet or interact with someone whom she wasn’t familiar with - and, for a few moments, she had this mental image of her mouth just opening and closing, like a fish’s.

“Uh,” she said faintly, “um. That’d be, uh -”

That was when Nayeon’s hand appeared on the cashier’s ear and pulled.

The cashier squealed as Nayeon came into view, a murderous look on her face. “What were you telling her?”

“Oh, it’s okay, it’s okay!” Mina knotted her hands together and glanced between the two of them. “She was just asking me -”

“- if I could take away her dish,” the cashier finished. “See, ma’am? I’m not infringing on your date, am I? Just doing, uh, waitress-y things. I’ll be on my way now.” She bowed shallowly, took a few steps backwards, then turned around and beat a hasty retreat.

There was a rustle as Nayeon settled back into her seat. “Yeah, sorry about that,” she was saying. “I, uh, Mr and Mrs Kim. They’re my neighbours from one floor down. Mrs Kim recently fell down, so she’s been in a tight spot over the past few months. Haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Oh, no worries.” I’ve never spoken to any of my neighbours. “Er, how is she?”

“Oh, she’s doing great! Barely even needs to use a walking stick anymore. Leg injuries are hell to heal from, and I should know. You know, I got into a car accident when I was five.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mhm.” Nayeon’s gaze flickered away for a beat. “It was terrible. My legs were just - totally shattered. I literally couldn’t walk for half a year, and after that there were a few close shaves when I pushed myself too hard and limped for weeks.” Now there was a bitter edge to her smile. “So. No more dancing.”

“You liked to dance?”

“I loved to dance.”

Now Nayeon’s eyes had narrowed into slits. Mina had sat and watched herself weep in the mirror often enough to know that this was a prelude to a full-on bawl, and that would have been way too awkward. Alarms going off in her head, she cast around frantically for something to say. Something - anything -

“Shall we go?”

“Go? Oh. Sure.”

It wasn’t until they were out on the road that Nayeon finally took a deep breath, swiped at her eyes, and coughed. Mina looked away. To be frank, she was a bit envious; when she cried, it was never just a few tears, but a full-on torrent, always, every time, without fail. “Sorry about that. Just trying to, y’know, share a bit about myself. Didn’t think I’d still be so affected by it.” Her voice had gone lower in pitch - gone husky - and Mina bit down hard on her lip to force the violent flare of arousal back into its box. No. Stop. Inappropriate. “So. Um. If you, uh -”

“No!” Mina blurted. “No. It’s fine. Really. I’m, uh, I get like that sometimes. Um.” She stared up into the night sky, glad that it was dark enough that no one could see how red she was getting.

“Anyway,” Nayeon said, eventually, “sorry for that. Kinda ruined our date - dinner, I mean. Dinner.” She coughed, looked away. “So. Can I make it up to you? Do you want to, uh, watch a movie? Or something? There’s a theatre nearby.”

There is? Mina folded her arms, huddled into herself against the cold wind, and waited for Nayeon to start walking before falling into step beside her. “A movie would be nice. I think John Wick 3 is in cinemas.”

“ John Wick 3?”

“What?”

“No, nothing.” Nayeon brushed at her hair, pulled it into a ponytail. “Just… wouldn’t have pegged you for a John Wick person.”

“Oh, really?”

“Honestly, I still don’t really know much about you apart from that you work as a lawyer and that Ms Minatozaki and Ms Hi - uh, Sana and Momo are ridiculously mushy.”

Mina nodded mutely. “Well, uh,” she croaked. “Um.” She cleared her throat, started again. “I like action movies. Not romance. So, uh, there’s always stuff from Marvel. DC. You know? There’s always something from those two studios that’s on.”

“Not this month, though.”

“No.” Mina watched as Nayeon unfolded a few bills from her wallet and delivered them to the boy on the other side of the glass. “So, um, thank goodness for John Wick 3.”

-----

“Mina!”

“Mum! Dad! Kai!” Mina smiled into the camera and waved.

“How are you?”

“Good! I’m good.” She adjusted her laptop, taking care to keep anything below her chest out of frame, and waved again. “Still working on the Kang case. How about you, Kai?”

“Oh, same old, same old.” Kai waggled his hand. “Arguing with coaches and principals."

“Is that all you’re going to be doing for the next few years?” her father sniped. “Don’t you have a girlfriend? You’re old enough, Kai; it’s time to settle down.”

“I’m getting to that, I’m getting to that!” Kai disappeared for a few seconds; there was the sound of rummaging, and soon he reappeared with a little jewellery box cradled in his large hands.

Mina covered her mouth. “Oh my god!” her mother shrieked.

“Cost me a pretty penny, but I think it’ll be worth it.” Kai smiled. Even though his face was the size of a postage stamp, Mina reckoned that she could still see the faraway look in his eyes. “I’m just… waiting for the right time.”

Her mother had started to go on about Japanese marital customs - Kai was, after all, marrying a good nihonjin girl - and Mina decided that this was an opportune time to tune out. God… when would it be the “right time” for Kai? Could she ask him to wait for a few months? Would there be enough time? Her mother would probably ask her to drop everything and come to San Antonio to help her plan the wedding. No, but then she’d have to tell him everything… and then he’d tell their parents, and then she’d be back where she’d started -

“- you too, Mina,” her father was saying, gravelly voice tinged with a hint of affection, and Mina glanced up with a jerk. “Your biological clock is ticking, too. You’re not getting any younger. When are you going to settle down? At least Kai has a girlfriend… what about you?”

“I’m working on it, Dad.” Yes. Working on it.

“Don’t work too long or too hard,” her mother cut in. “Law is a tiresome business. Don’t forget to maintain a proper work-life balance. Have you quite recovered from that bout of vomiting?”

That had been three months ago. Why were they still bringing it up? “I’m fine. It’s handled.”

“Your face looks fuller. Have you been eating better?”

“She finally gained the freshman fifteen… five years too late.” Kai laughed uproariously, slapped his knee, and Mina shot him a glare to shut him up.

“Yes, well… stress at work and all that.”

“Don’t snack too much. Regular meals are important, okay?”

“Yes, Dad.”

It was a full fifteen minutes before her family finally had their fill of conversation. Finally, though, the camera feeds blinked off, one by one, and Mina waited until her laptop had finally shut off before she set it down on her coffee table and sprinted for the bathroom to pee.

Fuck.

“Fuck,” she moaned, head in her hands as she waited for her bladder to empty, and cried for a long while.

You have work tomorrow.

“Right,” Mina murmured, levering herself upright and tottering to the sink. “Right. Work.” Bending over, she propped her elbows up on the sink and sank her fingers into her sallow cheeks. You look foul, she thought, tracing the dark circles under her eyes. Thank goodness for makeup. She moved a bit closer, struggling to make out the dot on her nose - was it a pimple or another mole? - but ran into a slight obstacle.

Fuck, Mina thought, glancing down to glare at her belly, which was now pressing into the cold ceramic of the sink. Forget it. Carefully, she pushed herself back upright and wandered out into the living room, and then into her kitchen.

From dinner to a movie in one week, she thought, rooting through her fridge and retrieving a tub of her favourite ice cream with a triumphant squeal. I’d say that’s not too bad. But… does she like me? As a friend, of course. She grimaced, dug into her ice cream, and shoved the calorie-laden spoon into her mouth with a groan.

“I’ll have to ask one of her friends for that,” Mina muttered, and blanched at the thought. Making friends… making friends… how does Nayeon do it? She’d have to ask her. At some point. Did they have any mutual friends? The way Nayeon had handled the cashier implied some basic level of familiarity, but Mina wasn’t sure how she’d even broach the subject. It wasn’t like she could just dive into it.

Forget it.

Chapter Text

“So, Nayeon, do you have a photo of Mina?”

“What?” Nayeon spat out her mouthful of soup and stared. All around them, the restaurant buzzed with the din of a hundred individual conversations, lit by rows and rows of light fixtures done up to look like Korean gats. She didn’t really like the decor, personally, but it was only a five-minute walk from their office, and the food wasn’t bad either. “Why? I’m telling Jihyo.”

“Calm down,” Jeongyeon chided. “I’m just wondering. Is she that private?”

“What, are you into the habit of taking pictures of all your friends?” Nayeon took a sip of her soup and hunched her shoulders. “And yes, she is that private. She hasn’t even invited me into her apartment yet.”

“You’ve only known her for a few days.”

“Yeah, but, like, I know where she lives. She trusts me with her address. Also,” and here Nayeon sat up straighter, a conceited look on her face, “it’s been one whole week.”

Jeongyeon shook her head, expression completely unchanged. “You text?”

“A bit. Like, before meeting up. As in, I’m here, or I’m on my way. That sort of thing.”

“Dude, late-night texts are the foundations on which relationships are built!” Jeongyeon swallowed her kimbap, leaned forward, and made as if to brandish her phone, but Nayeon shook her head.

“I’m not interested in hearing about what sort of stuff you and Jihyo talk about at night. Anyway, don’t you live together?”

“No, no, no. These texts are from a few years back.”

“I still don’t want to see them.”

Jeongyeon sighed, ran her fingers through her hair, and stuffed another kimbap into her mouth. The two of them ate in silence until Jihyo arrived, at which point Jeongyeon piped up with, “Why don’t you show her your apartment instead? Then she’ll be more willing to show you hers.”

“That’s a funny way of saying I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, but the basic principle is the same.” Jihyo dodged Jeongyeon’s swat and pecked her girlfriend on the cheek; Nayeon made a face and took a long sip from her iced tea. “Still - why don’t you consider it?”

“… I’ll consider it.”

-----

“It looks like this is starting to turn into a routine,” Nayeon began.

Mina nodded mutely and added a belated “Yes.”

God, but today had been exhausting. Still, at least she wasn’t feeling as worn out as she usually felt; interacting with Nayeon was always a good pick-me-up. It was therapeutic, really; Mina fancied that it had something to do with the brain. Brain chemistry. Endorphins arising from human interaction. (Apparently, something had sunk in from her father’s impromptu lectures.) Perhaps it’d do her a world of good to start eating lunch with Sana and Momo.

Yeah, right.

“So, uh, instead of going to your place, how about we go over to mine?”

“Over to yours? I, uh - really? Over to yours?”

“Yeah, sure.” Nayeon nodded nonchalantly. “Just to, uh, switch things up a bit.”

“Isn’t it a bit…” Mina cleared her throat. “I mean, I could be a serial killer or something.”

“Serial killer? Of course not!” Nayeon shook her head, sending a few strands of her hair flying into Mina’s face. “I trust you.”

I trust you. Mina looked down quickly to mask the sudden upwelling of tears and rubbed at her eyes. “Hair got into my face,” she mumbled.

Even the very act of thinking it embarrassed her, but Mina couldn’t help but notice that Nayeon’s apartment building was somewhat shabbier than hers. She supposed it came with the territory - she hadn’t been in America for very long, after all. She found herself panting as they climbed the stairs; Nayeon placed one hand on her elbow and helped her up the last flight. Before long, they were standing at the top, crowded against one another on the landing, spurts of breath erupting from Mina in short, sharp bursts, Nayeon’s soft exhalations warm on her shirt collar. The lights weren’t quite working; Mina could only catch snatches of the other woman’s face, her clear skin, her sharp cheekbones -

Nayeon cleared her throat and stepped back. Mina caught her breath.

“So,” she began, trying to ignore the dokidoki of her heart, “how’s your landlord? Not too nasty, I hope…”

“Oh, he’s not nasty at all.” Nayeon fumbled in her purse and inserted one of her keys into the lock. Distantly, from behind the wood, Mina could hear the sound of yapping. “And - I’m not sure if you dislike animals, and I think I forgot to warn you, but I have a pet -”

The door opened while Nayeon was still talking. Abruptly, she bent down, and Mina watched as a small ball of white fur barrelled into her arms. Oh, it’s a dog. Mina had wanted a dog when she was young, back when she’d lived in Japan, but her mother had objected. After that, she’d been sent to America, and then there had been no time for dogs, let alone any pet of any sort. “I can see that,” she observed, distantly, and some part of her trilled with joy as Nayeon looked up at her, still cradling the dog, and rose to her feet, raising its hand in a mock wave.

“Yeah? This is Kookeu. Say hi, Kookeu!”

Cute name, Mina thought, and waved back. If she’d had a dog… well. “How old is he?”

“Two years old.” Nayeon glanced into the darkness of her apartment, nodded to herself, and led the way in. Mina followed - though not without a vaguely envious glance at Nayeon’s heels, which lay discarded in a corner amidst a messy sprawl of shoes and sandals - and blinked rapidly as the lights came on. “I, uh, only just decided on her name, actually. Chaeyoung named her. You know, the cashier?”

“You know her too?” She’s only been here for four months and she knows the neighbourhood better than I do.

“Yeah, sure.” Nayeon set Kookeu down on the floor and placed Mina’s groceries on the coffee table. “Come on, pass me your stuff…”

Mina handed over her groceries mutely and winced as the ache in her arms, back, neck and calves suddenly flared.

“Are you okay?” Suddenly Nayeon was back at her side, one hand pressed against her back. Slowly, she manoeuvred Mina into a sitting position and disappeared out of her field of vision. “Hang tight, I’ll get a cup of warm milk.”

“There’s no need,” Mina protested. Nayeon’s television was a lot smaller than hers, and lacked the many accoutrements (mostly video game consoles) that Mina had accumulated over the years. The lighting was nice, though, and very welcoming. “Really,” she repeated, her protests growing weaker by the second, “there’s no need. There’s no need…”

“Please tell me this doesn’t happen every time you go to the supermarket,” Nayeon said, pushing a steaming cup into her hands.

Mina took a careful sip and stared into the milk. “It’s only gotten harder recently,” she explained, not making eye contact with Nayeon. “For the past two weeks, mostly. I’ve been planning to switch up my schedule - go to the supermarket more often.” Well, she’d been planning to do it… she just hadn’t quite gotten around to actually doing it yet.

“So last week - last week, after you closed the door and brought your groceries indoors, you -” Nayeon gestured incoherently at Mina’s sprawled-out figure - “this happened?”

“It’s not that bad,” Mina grumbled.

Nayeon planted her hands on her hips and stumped out of her field of vision. Mina tried to follow, but the ache in her neck prevented her from turning her head. Instead, she looked back down and nursed her cup of milk.

When Nayeon’s hands came down on her shoulders and started to knead, Mina almost dropped her cup. Her voice came from over her shoulder. “Well, the least I can do is try to, um, make it better.”

Nayeon’s hands were very strong. Mina finished her milk, shivering as the warm liquid travelled down into her stomach, and leaned forward, back and arms screaming, to set the cup on the coffee table before melting bonelessly back into Nayeon’s extremely skilled and articulate hands. “God.”

Nayeon’s hands stopped. “What?” Her voice had gone husky, too; Mina squeezed her eyes shut and bit down hard on her lip.

“Nothing,” Mina squeaked. “Just… please. Keep going.”

Nayeon resumed. The ache - how to describe it? - hadn’t gone away, not just yet, but Nayeon’s massaging had had the same effect on Mina’s back and neck as the warm milk she’d just drank had had on her digestive system. The pillows swallowed Mina up; her eyelids fluttered. She’d not felt this relaxed in a long while… or was that just her exhaustion-addled mind talking?

Eventually, she felt the dog - Kookeu - start to nose about her swollen ankles. Nayeon paused for a while, came around to Mina’s side, and lifted Kookeu onto the couch, before returning to her spot and resuming her kneading. Mina watched through her lashes as Nayeon’s dog pawed at her sleeve, then hopped lightly over her arm and snuggled up next to her belly. “Does Kookeu drool?”

“No,” Nayeon replied immediately, sounding a little affronted. “But I think he likes you.”

Mina squinted at Kookeu, who squinted back and pawed at her belly with a forlorn yap for good measure. You’re lucky you’re cute, she thought. What would I have named my dog? God, it’s been so long…

-----

I should probably wake her up.

Nayeon folded her arms and tapped her foot, eyes fixed on the gentle rise and fall of Mina’s chest. Yeah, I should really wake her up. But - she looks so tired! Maybe I should just leave her here. Or maybe I should move her into my bedroom and sleep on the couch myself.

Nayeon unfolded her arms, sat down for the third time in the past thirty minutes, and planted her chin in her palm. What to do, what to do… at this rate I’ll be puzzling over this all night. She gave the matter some more thought, found herself no closer to a solution, and rose to her feet again, tapping her foot, pondering Mina’s serene face.

Not that I’d mind watching over her all night, obviously.

Nayeon squeezed her eyes shut and screamed silently into her balled fist. When she opened her eyes, though, Mina was stirring. Blearily, she blinked slowly, one hand moving to her back, and slowly hauled herself into a sitting position. “It’s late,” Nayeon said, softly, and quietly removed Kookeu from Mina’s side. “Uh, do you want to stay the night?”

“No, no, no,” Mina babbled, struggling to her feet and patting herself down, “it’s fine! It’s fine! I’ll just - need the bathroom -”

Nayeon brought her to the bathroom and watched as the door shut behind her. While Mina was occupied, she keyed a number into her phone with one hand and moved Mina’s groceries from her coffee table to her door with the other.

He answered on the first ring.

“Yo.”

“Need you upstairs. I’m bringing groceries over to the neighbouring apartment block.”

“Okay.”

When Mina emerged from the bathroom, most of her groceries had already disappeared. Nayeon waved from the door. “Called someone to help carry your groceries,” she called. “He’s downstairs, waiting for us.”

“Oh,” Mina said, softly, and made her slow way out of the apartment, eyes still half-closed. “Who’s he?”

“Uh, his name’s Yu Gyeom. He lives a few doors down.” Nayeon gave Kookeu one last hug, set him carefully on the ground, and locked her door. “Yeah, I know, it’s pretty hard to pronounce…”

“How do you know so many people, anyway?”

Nayeon glanced up sharply at Mina. “I just… I just talk to them.”

“Must be that you get a lot of practice with your English because of that.” Mina’s voice cracked on the last word; she wasn’t meeting Nayeon’s eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Mina scrubbed one hand across her eyes. “Just… tearing up a bit. Since I just woke up. I’m still… a bit confused. I’m like this when I take naps. God, I’m a mess.”

“Don’t say that.” Nayeon paused, hesitated. Fuck it. Carefully, she wound her arm around Mina’s shoulders and hugged her to herself.

Mina was still unresponsive when they reached the first floor. As they emerged from the stairwell, Yu Gyeom stubbed out his cigarette and hefted her groceries in his arms, falling into step behind them as they made their way to Mina’s block. As they reached the lift lobby, Nayeon glanced over her shoulder, caught him staring at Mina’s back, and glared.

It wasn’t until they were in the lift that Mina finally asked, voice trembling, “How do you ‘just talk’ to people, Nayeon?”

“Me?” Nayeon bit her lip. “I ask them how their day is going. I, uh, ask them where they’re going, what time it is, how’s the weather - but usually there are opportunities. If they need help, I help them, and if they’re in the mood to talk, I talk to them. If they invite me for stuff, I go, and usually these functions have a ton of people whom you can talk to and make contact with in turn. When I first arrived in this city, I had no idea where anything was, so I had to ask for directions a lot of the time. And I kept running out of essential stuff, like detergent and cooking oil, so I had to borrow from my neighbours. One thing led to another, and eventually I got to know my entire apartment block.” The lift dinged; Yu Gyeom held the door and watched, wide-eyed, as Mina and Nayeon shuffled out.

“Couldn’t you just buy from the supermarket?”

“Yeah, but -” Nayeon paused, momentarily derailed her train of thought by staring into Mina’s eyes, and pulled herself back to the task at hand. “It didn’t occur to me at the time.” She took in another breath. “All I’m saying is, say hi to people more often. Thank people if they do something nice for you, and they’ll usually be in the mood to share some details about themselves with you. The problem is that they’ll invariably end up expecting you to share some details about yourself in return, and if you aren’t willing -”

“Then it all comes crashing down,” Mina murmured. It was as though she was mouthing the words - Nayeon could barely hear them. For a few moments, all was silent as she fumbled for her keys and unlocked her door.

Nayeon briefly considered saying something like Aren’t you going to invite me in? but decided that it might have been too much. Maybe Jihyo was right; maybe she was going too fast.

“I can take it from here.”

Once Yu Gyeom had unloaded his cargo at Mina’s feet, he turned tail and fled straight for the lift lobby. Nayeon watched him go. God, I hope he doesn’t ask any awkward questions.

“You… you didn’t need to do that,” Mina said, so softly she could barely hear her. “I… thank you.”

“Anytime,” Nayeon replied, instinctively, and flashed a tight grin as the door swung shut.

Back at the lift lobby, Yu Gyeom looked at her and opened his mouth. Nayeon held up her hand. “Not. One. Word.”

“Yes, noona.”

Chapter Text

“So, Mina, do you want to grab lunch with us?”

“Yes. Yes, I think I do.”

Sana paused, pivoted on her heel, and rapped on her forehead with a wince. “Really?”

Mina blinked. “Yes, really. Why?”

“Oh, that means I owe Momo… um. Never mind.” Sana glanced away - as she always did when she was on the verge of divulging something about the crazy stuff she and Momo got up to in their bedroom - and twiddled her thumbs. A few moments later, she refocused, just in time for Mina to heave herself to her feet. “That’s great, though! I’m really happy that you’re eating with us, and I bet Momo is too!”

“Great.” Mina tottered to the door, opened it, and glanced out with the barest hint of apprehension. “Lead the way, then.”

As they made their way down to the restaurant (which Sana had praised to the skies multiple times in a bid to get her to come to lunch), Mina couldn’t help but feel eyes on her. She almost stopped walking and turned back - without her bag, she felt terribly naked - but Sana’s presence steadied her. (Besides, she hadn’t packed her lunchbox.) Thankfully, the last few steps - no more than a hundred - passed without incident.

Momo jumped to her feet as Sana guided them to their booth, an expression of delighted surprise on her face. “Oh my god,” she whisper-shrieked, taking both of Mina’s hands in hers, “you finally came out of your office!”

Sana sat beside Mina, while Momo took the opposite bench. The booth was cozy and private; according to Momo, they usually sat at one of the two-person tables, but since Mina was eating with them, they’d decided to move to one of the booths. “This booth isn’t bad, though,” she added, thoughtfully, after swallowing her mouthful of rice. “We should eat in booths more often, come to think of it.”

Sana nodded vigorously, her cheeks too stuffed with food to talk.

Generally, though, she was more talkative than Mina, whose function seemed to be merely to listen. It wasn’t that she disliked listening to people talk - on the contrary, Mina enjoyed listening to Sana and Momo argue, chat and flirt. It was like watching a sitcom; they were very entertaining. Between them, they had a lock on most of the water-cooler gossip at the firm. It had only been about half an hour, but Mina felt as though she’d already learnt a lot about her other coworkers (as well as, of course, Sana and Momo).

It was… it was nice.

And the food wasn’t bad, either.

-----

“So, I ate with Sana and Momo today.”

Nayeon glanced up. “Really? That’s great!”

Mina fiddled with her hair and smiled down at her food. Was there a flush spreading up from her collar? “Yes, well, I was going to thank you for suggesting that I try responding to any invitations from my colleagues.”

“I think you deserve at least some of the credit,” Nayeon replied, spearing a chunk of her steak with her fork. “I mean, I just suggested it. You went through with it.”

Mina had no reply to that save a slight but obvious (and meaningful) blush.

“Anyway,” Nayeon forged on, “was there something else that you wanted to eat? At our last dinner, you were picking at your food as well. Is there something that you’ve been wanting to eat that this diner doesn’t serve?”

“Oh, no.” Mina shook her head vigorously. “I don’t… I don’t want to impose -”

“If you want more food, you only have to ask.” Nayeon cast her mind back to the hundreds of websites that she’d been browsing on the daily commute. “Is it, uh, something sweet? Potato chips? Pickles?”

When Mina’s eyes lit up at ‘potato chips’, she knew she had her.

Later, while the two of them were walking back to her apartment, two family-sized packs of Lay’s chips under Nayeon’s arm, Mina asked, out of the blue, “How did you know?”

“Mm?”

“How did you know that I wanted potato chips?”

“I didn’t,” Nayeon shrugged. “Lucky guess. I’ve been, uh, looking up that sort of thing.“

“And that’s how you knew that milk would soothe my, um -” Mina gestured down at her protruding belly, “- that?”

“Yeah.” Nayeon pressed the button on the lift and kept her eyes fixed on the gleaming red numbers on the panel. “Um.” Neither of them had even so much as mentioned Mina’s condition - they’d exchanged words on a wide variety of topics, but never on that - and so there was a very real concern, from her own point of view, that Mina might ask her never to mention it again. That would be… that would be quite a change, and one not necessarily for the better.

“Thanks.”

Nayeon glanced up, at Mina, and met her gaze. “That was, um, very considerate. You’re very considerate.” Mina folded her arms, put one hand over her face, and continued. “I’m… um… sorry for being so emotional. I mean, the last time, that was bad enough, but now -”

“Please, it’s fine. Really.” Nayeon paused, decided to throw caution to the wind, and added, as the lift doors opened,  “Besides, um, I think it’s good to be a bit emotional from time to time..”

Instead of replying, Mina waddled out first, fumbling with her keys, and fled into the darkness of her apartment. Nayeon was left standing at the door, the family-sized packs cradled in her arms, wondering if she’d said something wrong… and then the lights came on.

“Would you, um, like to come in?”

I guess we’re not unpacking that now. “Sure! Sure.”

After babbling for a bit as her mind struggled to process that Mina had invited her into her house, Nayeon stumbled inside, the door closing behind her with a thud. (Mina winced.) While she was ambling around, shivering as her bare feet made contact with the cozy, cozy carpets that covered Mina’s living room floor, Mina grabbed ahold of one of the family-sized packs that she’d left on the pristine marble countertop and made for the sofa. Plopping down amidst the cushions, she began munching loudly on the chips. 

“You’ve got games here?”

Mina made a noise that sounded like a “Yes” and gestured at the television. A number of handheld consoles had been arranged carefully in front of it; beside them, there was what looked to be a tiny wooden shelf stuffed full of poly-boxes. Nayeon turned back to Mina, saw no sign that she minded, and bent down to look through them. None of them particularly tickled her fancy, but, well… Mina liked playing video games, didn’t she? The least she could do was show some interest.

A few minutes passed. Nayeon leaned back, taking care not to lose her balance, and took another look around at Mina’s living room. It was a lot brighter-lit than hers; little light fixtures had been put up, here and there, and - now that she took a better look at them - there were actually a few speakers mounted all around. Surround sound?

“Um, Nayeon?”

Nayeon’s head snapped all the way around so quickly she almost gave herself whiplash. “Yes?”

Mina glanced down at the crumbs on her belly with a slightly abashed look, brushing them off onto her palm. Had she finished the whole pack of chips already? “Do you want to, uh, stay over for a few hours? It’s the weekend, so… I’ve got a ton of video games. And I normally play alone, but it would be nice to -”

“Sure!” Nayeon jumped to her feet, struggling to keep the excitement off her face.

“Great.” Mina leaned all the way back into the cushions, catapulted forward so fast that Nayeon had no time to react, and wobbled slightly as she rose to her feet. Nayeon watched as she made her way into the kitchen, eyes drawn to the exaggerated swing of her hips, and flailed around giddily while her back was turned. Oh, wow, she thought, things are moving quickly!

After the remaining pack of chips had disappeared into one of the many cupboards lining her kitchen, Mina wiped her hands dry, shrugged off her jacket, and fiddled with her skirt, disappearing down the corridor. Her voice drifted back, amplified by the echo yet still barely audible. “I’ll, um, just get changed into, um, something more. Comfortable.”

As Mina’s bedroom door swung shut, Nayeon fist-pumped and fell backwards onto the sofa, sending plushies soaring in every direction.

----

As the door shut behind her, Mina leaned against the wood and breathed out, long and slow. Then she slapped her cheeks gently. Am I dreaming? Is this real? She took another breath, counted to ten, and threw open her cupboard. Is she - am I seeing things? Am I really doing this? Quickly, before the self-doubt could overwhelm her, she unbuttoned her skirt and shoved it down past her ankles, flinging it onto her bed with a practiced kick (she’d not done ballet for years, but she was still flexible enough to do something like that, and thank goodness that she still could). Her shirt was next, flapping limply to settle over the head of one of her body pillows. What should I wear?

Mina tapped her chin, puffed out her cheeks, ran her hands through her hair. Oh! I should look more relaxed, so… Off her hair tie went.

Nayeon must be wondering why I’m taking so long.

That settled it. Frantically, Mina shrugged on a T-shirt and a pair of shorts, sprayed on some perfume, and emerged back into the corridor and then into the living room. Nayeon had switched on the TV; she was still in her jeans and that yellow turtleneck, and the look of her sprawled out on Mina’s couch, surrounded by her favourite plushies… it made Mina skid to a stop. And then Nayeon turned to look at her, and the look on her face -

“What?” Mina squeaked.

“Nothing,” Nayeon choked. Her voice had gone husky again.

The two of them stared at one another. For what felt like minutes, there was no sound but the quiet whir of the thermostat. Then Nayeon smiled - and it was what Mina had come to call her trademark smile, the one that exposed her two front teeth and made Mina’s heart ache for no good reason whatsoever - and for a moment she could have sworn that she felt a kick land on her kidney. “Well,” she bulldozed forward, a little too brightly, “let’s, um, is there anything that caught your eye?”

Nayeon nodded, those bright-red lips of hers coming together, and held up Super Smash Bros.

( Super Smash Bros? How the hell did she find that? I thought I’d stuffed that in the back of the shelf… god. Fucking Super Smash Bros. )

“Sure,” Mina said. “ Super Smash Bros. Do you like that?”

Nayeon’s shoulders sank slightly; had she been that obvious? “I dunno, it looked interesting.”

Mina tilted her head and planted her hands on her hips. “I just got this other game, um. I think it’s pretty interesting too -”

Nayeon dropped Super Smash Bros like it was a hot potato. “Oh, sure! I mean, whichever -”

Before her good sense could stop her, Mina blurted, “And, uh, most of the games there, they’re from before the PlayStation Store really got going, so most of them are obsolete.” Spreading her legs, she bent down to retrieve Super Smash Bros from the coffee table, toddled over to the TV and slotted it back into the shelf. As her PS5 booted up, she handed one console to Nayeon and settled amid the cushions.

“I, um, I see.” Out of the corner of her eye, Mina saw Nayeon glance at her own console. Carefully, she manoeuvred through the cloud of options, selected Cyberpunk 2077 , and cracked her knuckles.

Why am I so excited? We’re just playing video games together.

-----

Mina talked a lot when she was on her PS5.

Not that Nayeon was complaining.

“No, um, over there, over there, on your left - yes! Yes, and there’s one more coming behind you - right, yeah -”

Had she dressed like that on purpose? Nayeon hazarded another glance at Mina, saw that her attention was completely fixed on the screen, and kept moving the joysticks around, moving her character forward in a clumsy, loping motion.

“Fuck, they’ve got me - wait, they don’t. I’ve got one more - can you loop back around?”

Mina cursed a lot more when she was playing video games, too, which was interesting. (Nayeon hadn’t even known that Mina could curse.) Absently, she turned her character back around, fired off one of the many gadgets on her person, and waited for Mina to shake herself free. When her eyes darted back to the real Mina, she picked up where she’d left off, tracing the curve of her knee, the soft, pale flesh of her thigh -

“Ugh. That does it.” Abruptly, Mina set her console down harder than was necessary and rose to her feet as the scene on the television screen froze to a halt. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Nayeon watched her go, her heart pounding. It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of cold water down the back of her shirt. Had Mina caught her ogling her? Had she misjudged the entire situation? She looked around frantically and slumped forward, cupping her face in her hands. “Shit,” she whispered. “Shit, shit, shit.” There followed a few minutes of utter panic.

It wasn’t until she realized that Mina’s character had been killed that her heartbeat finally started to slow down. Sighing, Nayeon settled back amidst the cushions and took a few deep breaths. Thank goodness it was just a false alarm.

A few minutes later, Mina emerged from the bathroom and settled down beside Nayeon.

“So,” she said, quietly, “that was fun.”

“Yep.”

“Do you want to -”

“Sure!”

“Um, actually, I was thinking -” and here Mina’s lips had curved upwards, slightly, “- about something else. Do you - would you like to go for another movie? I was thinking we could do that more often. You can pick the movie if you’d like -”

“Sure! Sure. And if you want to pick, I don’t - it’s fine! It’s great!”

“Great! Great.” Mina rose to her feet, unclasped her hands, held them behind her back, and finally decided to let them hang at her sides. “I’ll… don’t worry about it. I’ll switch off the PS5.” Her eyes snapped up to meet Nayeon’s, then flicked to the side. “You’re not too bad at this.”

“I’m a fast learner,” Nayeon retorted, with a pinch of her usual bravado, and felt that familiar warmth bubble up in her chest as Mina responded with a soft giggle.

Chapter Text

Nayeon removed her spectacles, rubbed her eyes, and went over her presentation one more time in her head as the gentle whir of the air-conditioning and the soft tap-tap-tap of typing filled her ears. She had a meeting in one hour - an important one - but it couldn’t hurt to try loosening up a bit before entering the arena to fight for her company.

Lacing her fingers behind her head, Nayeon propped her feet up on her desk and spoke, conversationally, but loud enough that Jeongyeon - who was next door - could hear her.

“So, we started texting.”

Jeongyeon’s head shot up, popping up over the cubicle divider; Nayeon shrieked and lobbed her stress ball at her head.

“What, seriously?” Jeongyeon whipped out her phone to start texting Jihyo, appearing in the doorway and sauntering over to Nayeon’s desk. “This calls for a celebration. And I assume it’s not just to, y’know, set engagements and whatnot, right?”

“No, yeah, I sent her a meme about Cyberpunk 2077.”

“Cyberpunk 2077 ?” Jeongyeon’s face contorted as she fell backwards into Nayeon’s chair with a creak. “She plays Cyberpunk 2077 ?”

“She also plays Call of Duty.” Nayeon drummed her fingers on her desk. “Half-Life , Doom , Final Fantasy , HALO…”

Jeongyeon put a hand to her chest. “A girl after my own heart.”

This time, Nayeon’s aim was true.

Ignoring Jeongyeon’s pained groans, Nayeon continued where she’d left off. “Anyway, she went on about Cyberpunk 2077 to me, and then we got to discussing recent films that relate to that genre. Then we talked about the Wachowskis, and then we got to Snowpiercer.”

“Ooh, Snowpiercer.” Jihyo emerged from behind the door and reached down to bop Jeongyeon on the head. “You love Snowpiercer, don’t you?”

“Shut up.” Nayeon grabbed her stress ball and mimed pitching it at Jihyo’s head. “She was just asking me for a Korean translation of what Song Kang-ho and Go Ah-sung were saying.”

“What were you saying about that film when we first watched it, eh?” Jeongyeon looked to the heavens. “Oh, it’s coming to me… ‘It’s too gory, I hate it’ - ouch!”

“Oh. Oh, no.” Jihyo froze in mock-horror. “Is she a -”

“No, I’m pretty sure she isn’t,” Nayeon snapped. “And even if she was, well, she’s a perfectly nice girl.” She left unsaid the fact that Mina’s TV had been playing a Korean drama before her PS5 had booted up, and that Mina’s skimpy T-shirt from their last d - uh… meeting … had had the EXO logo proudly emblazoned over its chest.

Jeongyeon and Jihyo exchanged glances. “Wow,” Jihyo said, “she’s really got it bad.”

Nayeon resolved to get another stress ball.

-----

“It’s good to see that you’re feeling better,” Momo observed.

Mina glanced up. “Mm?”

Sana looked at Momo, then turned back to Mina. “What Momo means is that, um, we’re happy that you’re not so… so sad, these days.” She set her chopsticks down, twiddled her thumbs for a while, and then picked them back up. “I mean, you’re not… well…”

Not crying in the bathroom anymore.

Well, fair enough.

“Yes, well, I told you that it’d get better eventually.” Mina took a sip of her water, arranged her hands on her lap, and sank lower in her seat.

The silence dragged on for a few seconds before Sana launched back into conversation, changing the subject smoothly to the Kang case. Now this was a topic that Mina could talk about - it was technical, interesting and complex. Best of all, it didn’t involve her as a person, but as a lawyer. And Mina the lawyer was a vastly more functional entity than Mina the person. She knew where her colleagues stood on the Kang case; she knew their names, she knew which tasks they had been given, and she knew how they’d done on those tasks. That was all she needed to know.

Lunch ended shortly after. Sana and Momo walked Mina back to the office, flanking her on both sides. That was their routine, and Mina was glad for it. As the post-lunch crowd of office workers and smartly-dressed urban professionals flooded in and out of their office building, Mina glanced to the side momentarily and inadvertently caught the eye of one of her colleagues, who winked at her and smiled.

Mina’s face didn’t change, though, and after a beat Jackson simply nodded at her briskly and forged on ahead, tapping past the gantries and entering the lift ahead of the three of them.

He doesn’t really like me. He’s just being civil.

Mina looked down at her feet - or, more properly, her belly - and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. No, she thought, sternly, Sana and Momo like me. Isn’t that enough?

No. It’s just making me feel more isolated. Just the three of us, against the rest of the firm? Those aren’t good odds.

Mina didn’t go to the water cooler very often - her water bottle was large enough that it rarely needed to be refilled - and when she did she never gossiped with the other people who frequented the breakroom. Anyways, most of them tended to either glance at her briefly before looking away. It was either that, or they ignored her entirely. It made her feel miserable. And yet…

I did this to myself.

No , Mina thought, trying to put some iron into her inner voice. Stop spiralling.

The lift doors slid shut in front of her. As Mina shrunk into herself and folded her arms, mouth tightening into a thin line, Sana and Momo glanced at each other worriedly.

-----

“So, how did your big meeting go today?”

“Oh, it went great… as expected. After all, I handled the negotiations.” Nayeon grinned, took a sip of her drink, and made a face. “Ugh. Remind me not to get this again.”

Mina looked down at her food and smiled to herself. She’d never liked people who talked themselves up, but Nayeon was different. Was it just that she knew not to go overboard? Or was it that Mina had been favourably predisposed towards her since their first meeting in that bathroom two weeks ago? She looked up, realized that Nayeon was looking at her expectantly, and cleared her throat. “Yes,” she whispered, then raised her voice slightly. “Yes, um, but there’s different levels of success. Was it an unequivocal endorsement? Or did they try to negotiate on the finer points of the contract?”

“It’s a good thing I’m eating dinner with an expert on contract law,” Nayeon shot back, a cocky grin on her face, and Mina felt another surge of warmth bud in her chest and spread up her throat. She’d really just walked into that, hadn’t she? “Yes, well, they did ask for a few things from us…”

Mina wasn’t, strictly speaking, an expert on contract law, but she was moderately competent, and Nayeon had a way with words, teasing out pertinent points and asking intelligent questions as Mina slowly worked at her potato salad. After dinner, she led Mina to the counter and leaned against it as Mina fished her credit card out of her purse. “So, Chaeyoung,” she began, “this is Mina.”

The tattooed, bespectacled cashier nodded. “Hi,” she chirped, waving a small hand. Uncertainly, Mina waved back.

“Why’d you do that?” she asked Nayeon, later, once they’d walked out through the doors and began making their way towards the cinema.

“Do what?”

“Introduce me to, um, Chaeyoung.”

Are you trying to get rid of me?

“Oh, I was thinking that you - well - you asked me how to make new friends, and I was just trying to, um, speed that up a bit.” Nayeon’s eyes had gone big, and Mina thought that, for a moment, she could see her own reflection in them. “Did I - did I go too far? I’m sorry.”

I’m screwing this all up.

“No, of course not,” Mina said, pressing her lips together and breathing deeply through her nose. The cold air flowed into her lungs, clearing her sinuses and forcing her tears to remain in place. Surreptitiously, as she searched for enough notes to pay the box office, she swiped at her eyes and wiped her hand down on her skirt.

The movie was nice; it was just that Mina wasn’t having a very good day. That was just how it was. Some days, she was doing fine. Other days… not so much.

God, I’m such an idiot.

She’d been thinking that spending time with Nayeon would make her feel better, but… well, look at her now. Even though she was right beside Nayeon, nothing had changed. She was still the wreck that she’d been two weeks ago.

Her bad mood endured after the movie, bearing down on her as they walked through the twenty-four-hour supermarket and started picking up her groceries for the weekend. Nayeon carried as much as she could, but even she wasn’t that strong, and it fell to Mina to handle one basket’s worth of fruits and veggies. Her arms were screaming as she dumped everything at the counter, screaming so loudly that she barely heard Nayeon speaking into her phone until all of her purchases had been placed in her eco-friendly grocery bags.

“Hey, I called a friend,” she said, once she caught up to Mina. “He’ll help you carry your stuff to your apartment. I think you might recognize him - he helped us the last time. Yu Gyeom?”

“Yeah,” Mina grumbled. “Sure.” As the automatic doors at the exit slid open, she managed to make out a tall young man in a tracksuit sprinting over, a cigarette clenched between his lips. Wordlessly, Nayeon indicated Mina’s groceries with her chin, and the young man - Yu Gyeom - lifted them up with ease, leaving her to carry only a small bag of meat. A few words were exchanged between them. What could they be saying to each other? "How was your day, darling?” “It was fine, dear.”

The walk back to her apartment passed in silence.

Once Mina’s things had been dumped on the countertop, Yu Gyeom retreated out the door with a soft sound that could either have been “No problem,” or “You’re welcome.” Nayeon waved at him; it must have been a gesture of gratitude or something. As the door shut, Mina stumped over to her sofa and sat down, folding her arms, wrestling with the bile that had risen up in her throat, a tangled bitter mass of emotion. She’d thought she’d left that sort of thing behind after university; why was she falling back into her old habits?

-----

Nayeon was worried.

For the whole night, Mina had been distant. At the cinema, she’d started to go quiet, and at the market her face had been stony. Yu Gyeom must have sensed some hostile vibes coming from her, too, if the speed at which he’d left was any indication.

“Hey,” Nayeon murmured. “Are you okay?”

“It’s just been… a long day.” Mina glanced away, didn’t meet her eyes, and switched on the TV. IU’s latest K-drama flashed across the screen. Ooh, IU.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.” That was standard Mina (look at you, talking about her as though you’ve known her for more than a fortnight). It still hurt, though; most of Nayeon’s friends were considerably more open about their emotions, thoughts and feelings, and Mina’s silence had always made her nervous. Stilling, she settled onto the couch beside Mina and relaxed into the cushions as the drama played on. Anyways, the weekend had just begun; Mina hadn’t set a deadline for when she had to leave. As far as she was concerned, she’d stay for as long as she was needed.

It had been almost thirty minutes before Mina finally spoke. “Is he - um, Yu -”

“Yu Gyeom?”

“- yeah. Is he your… boyfriend?”

Boyfriend? Nayeon laughed, so loudly that Mina shrank back by a few inches, and kept laughing for almost a minute before it dwindled down into a series of wheezes. “No, we’re not dating,” she managed, at last, catching her breath. “He lives a few floors down from me. We ran into one another in the lift, and it turns out he works somewhere around my office at a fast food joint, so my company patronizes his shop whenever we order lunch in.”

Should I do it? Should I?

Nayeon’s mouth decided for her. “And anyways, I don’t swing that way.”

Mina regarded her, briefly, and turned away to focus on the television. Nayeon’s mind churned. Shit, I’ve fucked up. I’ve fucked up. I’ve fucked up -

“That’s fine,” Mina said, softly, and shifted a little to let Nayeon make herself more comfortable. “I - that wasn’t why I was… um. Can I talk a little more about -”

“Of course you can.”

“You have so many friends,” Mina whispered. “I’m… jealous.”

“Oh.”

“I - no one at my workplace likes me.” Mina’s face was turned towards the glare of the television screen, and tears had started to bud in her eyes. Nayeon felt something akin to a sharp pain in the vicinity of her heart. “I’m alone. God, I’m so alone. I miss my family. And now I’m - there’s an intruder in my own body, and I don’t know what to do with it, and every day it comes closer to emerging into the world, and I -”

Suddenly she was hyperventilating, and Nayeon threw her arms around her as loud, ugly sobs tore out into the quiet cold of the living room.

“It’s okay.” Nayeon thought back to the many times she’d had to comfort her younger sister, Seo-yoon, and forced herself back into that role. Mina’s modest black work jacket was crumpled; her hair had gained a few kinks, and up close it was obvious that the nails on her index fingers had been bitten to the quick, but she’d never been more beautiful. “You’ll get through this. Really. I - I’ll be here. For you.”

One eye, shining with tears, blinked up at her. “Really?”

“Of course.” Nayeon’s chest twisted uncomfortably. “What are friends for?”

Eventually the ache in her chest faded, and Mina’s sobs faded as well, dwindling to a few wet sniffles. Out came her expensive handkerchief again, wiping away any traces of her tears. Her head had come to rest on Nayeon’s clavicle, and there it stayed, until the credits rolled and the second episode came to a stop.

There were other shows that came thereafter, but neither of them were paying much attention to those.

“Thank you,” Mina said eventually. “It was… I’ve never had… no one’s ever been this close to me - physically, I mean - while I was… ”

Nayeon nodded.

Eventually, it was time for her to leave. Mina walked her to the door.

The walk back to her apartment was uneventful, but once she returned into her own flat and gave Kookeu a nice long hug, she went straight for the fridge and poured herself a nice glass of wine.

I suppose her asking me to stay overnight was too much to hope for.

Why had she done that? Nayeon smacked herself in the forehead and groaned, loud and long. “I like you.” She should’ve just said that. Instead, she’d backpedaled so far in the opposite direction that it wasn’t even funny.

But if she had… what if?

“Sorry, Nayeon, but I only like you as a friend.”

“Oh, wow, I knew you were a lesbian, but I didn’t think - yeah, no.”

“Get out of my house!”

Nayeon squeezed her eyes shut and drained her glass of wine. Then she went back and poured herself another one.

“Jihyo? Are you and Jeongyeon there?”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna go out drinking?”

“Um…” Nayeon’s heart sank. “Sorry, but maybe you should’ve asked us that before leaving the office. We’re actually in bed right now.”

As Jihyo hung up, Nayeon set her phone facedown on the coffee table and drained her second glass of wine.

-----

As always, Mina was the first to boot up Skype. Before her parents and brother came online, it was typical for her to adjust the cushions surrounding her and ensure that only those parts of her that she wanted them to see remained in the frame. It was a long and tedious process, but it was absolutely - absolutely - necessary. If all went well, they’d never knew she’d been pregnant at all.

As the familiar chimes sounded, Mina jerked herself back to the present and smiled into the webcam. “Mom! Dad! Kai!”

“Mina! How’s work?”

“Oh, you know. As usual.”

“Are you eating well?”

“Yeah. Um, I’ve started going out for lunch with some of my colleagues.”

“Oh, that’s good. Are they the Japanese girls whom you told us about?”

“What?”

“Your father has a very good memory.”

“Oh, yes. Sana and Momo.”

As her parents transferred their attention to Kai, Mina tuned out as she always did. Their weekly chats were all the same - all routine. Just like the rest of her life. And this thing - Mina glanced down, briefly - had turned it all upside down. Why hadn’t she gotten rid of it when she could? Why hadn’t she just had it taken care of? All this pain, all this heartbreak, all those unproductive hours spent crying her eyes out in the office bathroom - she should’ve just -

“Mina? We asked you a question.”

“Oh! Sorry, sorry. Was just thinking about work.”

“Don’t work too hard, dear. Your colleagues - I’m sure they’re doing their part. You’re not carrying too significant a burden, are you?”

If only you knew. “No.”

“Oh, well. ” Her mother sighed. “ Anyway, we were thinking of visiting you and Kai this year.”

Mina’s stomach dropped. “Oh. Um, now’s not really a good time.”

“It’s okay. Nothing’s set in stone yet.”

And, on that ominous note, Mina’s weekly powwow with her family ended. She was left staring blankly at the screen, nightmare scenarios filling her head, chasing after each other in an unending loop.

I should call Nayeon.

No. Mina placed her laptop gently on the coffee table, feeling more alone than she’d ever felt, and curled in on herself. No, she must never know this. She must already think that I’m a wreck; if I were to tell her everything, she’d run away and never look back.

When had it started?

She’d only realized that she was pregnant after returning from Japan. The Skype sessions had resumed shortly after. She could remember the first time she’d decided to “leave it to another day”: I’ll tell them next week. The time’s not right yet.

The time had never been right, but she’d refused to accept that until almost two months back, when she’d given in to the inevitable and blown one month of her salary on maternity workwear. That had been the first time she’d cried in the toilet.

Enough.

Eventually, the shaking stopped. Mina reached for the coffee table, grabbed a few pieces of tissue paper, and wiped her face in a few short, sharp sweeps. Then she grabbed her phone, buried herself in plushies, and steeled herself for a long night.

Chapter Text

“Nayeon?”

Nayeon looked up at Mina. Around them, the diner buzzed with conversation; it was Saturday night, and quite a few people from in and around the neighbourhood had descended upon the small restaurant. They’d opted for a small, out-of-the-way booth; Chaeyoung had shown them there. After dinner, they’d be hopping over to the supermarket for groceries.

“Mm?”

Mina picked at her food. “I was wondering,” she said, softly. “About whether I should ask Sana and Momo about it.” About being universally disliked at work.

Things hadn’t quite returned to normal between them, not after that night in Mina’s apartment. They were a lot more tentative, now, but in other respects, Nayeon felt like she could say that they’d grown a little closer. They’d been texting a lot more. (Mina had, after some prompting, explained why she felt that she was being ostracized at work, and Nayeon didn’t think it was anything major, but she wasn’t exactly in a position to comment, since she didn't work at her firm.) Physical contact, for another, was less easily noticed… by either of them. If she ended up brushing her elbow against Mina’s side, neither of them would glance at one another, blush, and look away. Progress!

“Oh,” Nayeon managed, pausing to swallow her mouthful of spaghetti, and took a sip of water. “Yeah. Yeah, you should tell them. You can trust them, can’t you?”

“I can,” Mina answered, though there was a tinge of doubt to her tone. “It’s just… acknowledging that there’s a problem… both of them are talkative, you know, and…”

“No, yeah, I get it.” Nayeon shifted in her seat, interlaced her fingers. “I’m sure they’ll be able to keep things quiet. They’re lawyers, aren’t they? You lot are great at withholding information until it’s time to dump it all.”

“A coup de grâce, you mean.”

“A what?” Nayeon blinked rapidly and shook her head. “Um, no. Nuh-uh. I’ve already spent way too much time learning English. I’m not going to devote any more time to German, or Spanish, or whatever that is.”

“It’s French.”

“Oh.”

Mina chuckled, the tension in her shoulders falling away, and Nayeon felt almost as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders as well. “Well,” she continued, “I’ve actually been meaning to ask you a question… I mean, since you’ve been so helpful with my work and all -” and here Mina made a soft noise and shook her head, reddening slightly - “I was wondering if you could give me some input on the designs that we’re planning to roll out.”

Mina dipped her head and looked up at Nayeon, spooling a forkful of spaghetti up into her mouth. “Is this a mechanical thing?” she asked. “Because I’m not - I have no head for such things, honestly -”

“Ah, no.” Nayeon ran her hands through her hair. “That’s Jeongyeon’s thing. I’m, uh, more of a salesperson. Just… you know. We’ve sampled the general population, but - it’d mean a lot to me if we - I - had your seal of approval.”

“I don’t wear casual clothing that often.”

“Oh, no. This is workwear.”

Mina brightened and straightened in her seat. “Then I don’t mind!”

-----

They were almost back at the apartment - Mina, Nayeon and Yu Gyeom (who was, Mina admitted grudgingly, a decent sort) - when Nayeon skidded to a halt and lunged forward as Mina stared in confusion. It wasn’t until she was able to make out the outline of a stroller and detect the soft gurgling of an infant that something like a stone settled at the bottom of her stomach, curling around the base of her throat.

“Just so you know,” Yu Gyeom muttered to her, bending slightly to align his mouth with her ear, “Over these past few grocery runs, I haven’t smoked a single cigarette. Not one. You can thank Nayeon noona for that.”

Mina jerked and looked up at him; it was the first time he’d spoken directly to her, and not to her and Nayeon. A few moments passed as she processed the information. “She made you stop smoking?”

A short, sharp nod. “I mean, it’s not like I don’t know that smoking is bad for my health, but… this is the first time she’s put her foot down on something like this.” A pause. “So. Don’t play with her, please.”

Am I playing with her? Mina was about to launch a vigorous riposte and press the offensive when Nayeon came skipping back to her, alight with wonder. All thoughts of cigarettes went out the window. “Oh, she was so cute,” she cooed, and something in Mina’s chest loosened.

“You like babies?” she asked, dumbly.

“I love babies,” came the instant reply, and there followed a torrent of intensely affectionate rhetoric that tied Mina’s stomach up in knots and left her feeling slightly winded by the time they’d reached her apartment.

(She loves babies. She loves babies.)

Mina, at least, retained enough presence of mind to send a quick gesture of thanks at Yu Gyeom, for everything he’d done thus far. On his way out, he nodded at her, briskly, and then shut the door behind him with a click . Mina tottered back to her couch, settled with a sigh amidst the plushies, and stared up at Nayeon, who’d almost - but not quite - run out of words to say. Their eyes met, and for a moment Mina didn’t realize that Nayeon had stopped talking entirely.

“No,” she said, dryly. “Do go on.”

Nayeon laughed shakily. “I’m - uh - did I go on for too long?”

“No, it’s fine.” Mina shifted around, to make herself more comfortable. She closed her eyes, took a short breath. You told yourself you were going to do this, weren’t you? Make the first move. Come on! Come on -

“Actually,” Mina managed, noting with satisfaction how her voice sounded much steadier than she felt, “I was wondering if you could…” 

-----

“- if you could…”

Mina had sprawled out bonelessly across the couch again; her toes wiggled at Nayeon from where they’d been propped up on the coffee table. Nayeon blinked, tilted her head, and waited for her to continue.

“Well. Would you mind, um, doing what you did last time? At your flat?”

A massage? She’s asking me to massage her. SHE’S ASKING ME TO MASSAGE HER.

“O-oh,” Nayeon heard herself say, and then clamped her mouth shut before she could say anything incriminating. All thoughts of babies (and their cheeks, and their smiles, and their stubby little baby legs) fled her mind, only to be replaced by a batch of considerably less PG thoughts. With unseemly haste, she made her way to the back of Mina’s couch and rested her hands on her shoulders. This should go fine, she thought, unsteadily, as she began to knead. As long as Mina doesn’t -

This, of course, was when Mina moaned.

Nayeon’s hands continued to move - she wasn’t the type to not learn from her past mistakes - but her mind had gone completely blank. “Y-you,” she croaked, and then wet her lips and swallowed, “you alright there?”

“More than alright,” came the answering sigh, and one slim-fingered hand rose up into Nayeon’s shaky field of vision to gesture languidly at her to continue. “Please,” and here Mina’s voice dipped uncomfortably close to another moan, “please , continue.”

Nayeon continued.

Her mind remained blank, and continued to remain as such until she was done with Mina’s shoulders, at which point she migrated down to the couch and - very carefully - seated herself beside Mina. A trickle of cold sweat migrated from her temple to her jaw. She stared straight ahead. She didn’t trust herself to speak.

“Thanks, Nayeon.”

“Anytime,” Nayeon croaked.

Eventually, she risked turning her head a fraction to glance at Mina, and noticed that she looked a lot more relaxed than she’d ever seen her. The throbbing in her ears died down, and then there was silence… silence, and the sound of Mina’s soft breathing, as she turned, neck still supported by the cushions, and looked at Nayeon. “I’ve been thinking,” she hummed.

“Um… yeah?”

“So, we’ve watched two movies already.”

“R-right.” Get a handle on yourself, Im Nayeon.

“That’s… I mean, the American media landscape is pretty sparse at the best of times, so I was wondering if you wanted to…” Mina’s eyes dropped down. “Go to the aquarium? On Tuesday? I won’t have to buy groceries on that day, so -”

Nayeon’s brain short-circuited. She wasn’t even sure if she’d caught what Mina had said in its entirety, but her answer would have been the same regardless. “Sure!”

“Oh, good.”

There was a pause.

“Wanna pick up where we left off? I haven’t touched the save file since last week.”

“Sure!”

-----

A few hours later, Mina found herself sprawled out on her bed, watching John Wick 2.

Mina liked John Wick 2 . It was a weird thing to say, but Mina found the John Wick series relaxing, somehow, mostly because it gave her something to focus on as opposed to obsessing over the events of the day. It was like a mental detox, in a way. Tonight, though, it just wasn’t doing it for her. She didn’t feel sleepy. On the contrary, she was still very much awake, her mind buzzing with thoughts and images and feelings and all sorts of ridiculous fantasies.

Fantasies like Nayeon’s lips, Nayeon’s teeth, Nayeon’s eyes, Nayeon’s hands, Nayeon’s clothes puddled on the floor of her bedroom -

Stop that.

With a grimace, she dug into the tub of ice cream that she’d balanced on top of her bump, and shoved the calorie-laden spoon into her mouth with a groan. With a grunt, she levered herself upright, wandered into the kitchen, and shoved the tub back into the fridge. She’d had enough ice cream to last her a week. God, she could even feel her arteries clogging up.

But she still couldn’t sleep.

Slowly, unwillingly, she traced one finger over the stretched-thin skin of her stomach. On most days, it felt like nothing so much as a vast, tumorous growth impeding her movement, a magnet for stares, one massive, tremendously unfair inconvenience.

(And yet… she hadn’t been able to bring herself to get rid of it, all those months ago.)

Nayeon hadn’t really addressed that - the elephant in the room. It was something of a taboo subject, really, between the two of them. Mina didn’t want to talk about it, but at some point - within the next six (not six , a quiet corner of her mind insisted, three) months, almost definitely - she’d have to. Because she’d have to make a decision, and her time was running out. She needed to start making inquiries with adoption agencies. She needed to start buying things, buying baby clothes and pacifiers and diapers… or did she? Her mind - always so quick to action and decision with respect to legal terms and legal precedent - ground to a halt on this.

To give up for adoption, or not to give up for adoption? That is the question.

Intellectually, Mina knew that the former option was the best, but there was still that feeling of uncertainty that came over her when she seriously considered it. (And then there was Nayeon to think about - or not to think about. She loves babies, doesn’t she? But there was nothing between them. We’re just friends. This is my decision to make, my burden to bear. ) It must have been something subconscious; perhaps she ought to see a therapist.

Hah!

As Mina adjusted her posture, sorting and rearranging the many pillows and plushies that she’d somehow managed to stuff onto her bed, she felt the faintest sensation in her stomach - something like the fluttering of butterflies or a light tapping. Carefully, she leaned backwards and wrinkled her nose… but no. It wasn’t gas.

Could it be?

“Hello,” Mina whispered, not quite sure who she was speaking to, and scrubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand.

She fell asleep like that, head lolling to the side, and dreamt of Nayeon.

Chapter Text

“So,” Jihyo continued, “we’ll be moving on to cost projections for the next quarter…”

As she crossed her legs under the table, Nayeon felt her eyelids growing heavy. Glancing around the drab, frigid boardroom, she pursed her lips and arched her back. It was almost one in the afternoon… and this meeting had dragged on for so long that she’d gotten hungry. Idly, she aimed a kick at Jeongyeon’s knees, but only managed a glancing blow. Jeongyeon responded with a devastating parry that hit her square in the thigh. Oh, Nayeon thought, it is on.

Then her WhatsApp Web lit up.

Myoui Mina: nayeon?

Not for the first time, Nayeon patted herself on the back for having figured out how to transfer her conversations to her laptop. If she’d been tapping away on her phone in the midst of a teleconference (and Nayeon was clear-eyed enough to know that - regardless of the circumstances - she’d always prioritize Mina over work), it would’ve been… bad.

Im Nayeon: wassup

“wassup”? Was that the best you could come up with?

Myoui Mina: i'm scared

Myoui Mina: what if they laugh at me

Oh, Mina.

“Is there something wrong, Miss Im? ”

“Ah, no. I think I ate something at breakfast… didn’t agree with me.”

Jihyo arched her eyebrow.

Im Nayeon: oh no don’t be scared!!

Im Nayeon: we talked about this last night remember?

Im Nayeon: i believe in u

Im Nayeon: im sure that wont happen

Im Nayeon: from what u told me abt them, theyre not the sort of people to do that

Im Nayeon: and if they do… 

Laboriously, Nayeon searched her entire emoji library for a knife icon and proceeded to post seven of them.

Myoui Mina: lol

A few minutes passed.

Myoui Mina: i’m still scared

Myoui Mina: i’m in the toilet and sana and momo are waiting for me to join them for lunch

Myoui Mina: nayeon i can’t do this

Nayeon bit her lip and thought back to the many times she’d had to counsel family members, friends, employees…

Im Nayeon: take deep breaths with me ok?

Im Nayeon: breath in

One thousand, two thousand, three thousand… 

Im Nayeon: breath out

Im Nayeon: breath in

Im Nayeon: breath out

Im Nayeon: breath in

Im Nayeon: breath out

After Nayeon had walked her through a few minutes’ worth of breathing exercises, Mina finally finished typing out her response.

Myoui Mina: thanks nayeon

Im Nayeon: anytime

Myoui Mina: oh and also

Myoui Mina: it’s spelt “breathe” with an e

Myoui Mina: i’m going off now

Myoui Mina: see you tonight

Myoui Mina: :)

“ Is there something funny, Miss Im? ”

“Ah, no. I was just… uh…”

Im Nayeon: shut the thing down and tell them the signal cut off

Im Nayeon: PLS

Yoo Jeongyeon: lol no

Park Jihyo: lol no

-----

The restaurant was still buzzing around her when Mina emerged from the bathroom and made her way to the corner booth, where Sana and Momo were waiting for her to arrive. The looks on their faces as they stared at the food were positively covetous, and Mina felt a momentary prick of guilt for keeping them waiting. They must have been starving. And yet…

“Sana? Momo?”

Sana and Momo exchanged glances. “Yes?” they chorused.

Mina bit her lip.

Im Nayeon: i believe in u

“Am I disliked?”

Momo and Sana stared. “Eh?”

Mina puffed out her cheeks, looked down at her plate. “It’s just,” she began, haltingly, “that I think - I feel like - no one really likes me at the office? Because, um, no one really talks to me. And - I think they’re talking about me. Behind my back. Because I… because I cry in the toilet, and because I’m pregnant.” She was speaking faster, now, and her voice had gone higher, breathier. “And… I mean, it’s not like this has only been going on since I got pregnant, because since I joined the firm - literally from the very beginning -” She pressed her lips together, looked away, blinked rapidly.

“Oh, Mina.” Sana put her hand over Mina’s left hand, and Momo did the same for her right. Carefully, Momo came around to Mina’s end of the booth, and sandwiched Mina between herself and Sana into a warm hug.

For a few minutes, all was silent. The background noise of conversation faded away, replaced by Mina’s own soft breathing and Sana’s and Momo’s gentle soothing. It was a while before Mina wiped at her eyes, cleared her throat, and shifted in her seat, prompting the other two women to relax and pull away. “Sorry for dropping all that on you all of a sudden,” she muttered, trying to smile.

“Oh, no! It’s fine -” “Really, Mina, we don’t mind!” “It’s good that you told us about it.”

Mina managed a smile.

“Well,” Momo began, carefully, “Mina, I’m going to be honest.”

Mina squeezed her eyes shut, promptly decided that closing her eyes was immature of her, and opened them again.

“No one dislikes you.”

Mina blinked.

Momo paused, stuffed a California roll into her mouth, and chewed it, thinking. (Momo always said that she did her best thinking on a full stomach.) “Um, it’s just that… well… how do I put this?”

Sana finished her thought for her. “You haven’t been… um… you haven’t been very, uh, sociable. Not since you joined the firm. You’ve always been pretty distant, actually, and - come to think of it - you only just started to warm up to the two of us last week.”

Mina’s voice, when it re-emerged, was - if that was possible - even softer than usual. “So… no one dislikes me?”

“Well,” Momo answered, dragging out her vowels, “we talk to everyone at the firm, and the consensus is that no one dislikes you. They just think that… well, in your first month, you didn’t join anyone for lunch, even when they asked, so they thought that you just wanted to be left alone. So they left you alone. And, when you didn’t, um, try to reach out - not that I’m blaming you or anything - they assumed that you didn’t want to make friends with them, and started forming into cliques and all that.”

“Oh.”

Sana must have sensed that Mina was less tightly-wound, because she nestled her sharp chin into Mina’s shoulder and patted her gently on the back. Momo pulled back, returned to her side of the booth, and dug into her donburi with relish. Nevertheless, as Mina slowly worked her way through her tray of sushi, neither of them glanced away from her for even a second, waiting for her to finish thinking.

“I suppose it was my fault, then.”

“Don’t say that,” Sana murmured, wrapping her arms around Mina’s shoulders and pulling her close. “How could you have known? It’s not! Really, it’s not! Just because you’ve been under that impression for a while, that doesn’t mean that everything’s ruined. We can introduce you to people!”

“… I suppose that would be nice.”

-----

Mina slumped against her car seat, exhaled gustily, and whipped out her makeup compact to touch up her lipstick. Wow, she thought, with something akin to wonder. I don’t think I’ve knocked off from work this early in a while. And all it had taken was a few quiet words with her boss, who had professed himself to be more than happy to give her a few hours off.

With a small noise of annoyance, she reached down to adjust her seat, pushing it back a few more inches. (Her stomach was pushing against the steering wheel.) Where should I go? She’d made a list. Where is it, where is it, where is it… oh.

Mina had given the matter some thought, and had eventually decided that she wasn’t going to risk going home first before leaving from there for the aquarium with Nayeon, because the temptation to just vegetate on the couch and pig out on potato chips, pickles and ketchup would be too great. Instead, she’d be picking up some clothes first before meeting Nayeon at their (their?) usual dinner spot.

“Oh, it’s you again.”

“Hi.” Mina stumped in through the door, blew a strand of hair out of her face, and sat down on one of the many couches lining the boutique. “Can I get, um, a dress?”

Dahyun glanced at her over her spectacles. “Are you going on a date?”

Mina reddened.

“Though so.” Dahyun ducked down, rummaging through her things, and emerged with a tape measure in hand. “Come on! Let’s see how much you’ve grown.”

Mina had always been fairly short with people, come to think of it; terse rather than welcoming, and grumpy rather than friendly. That hadn’t seemed to dampen Dahyun’s enthusiasm, though… and, come to think of it, perhaps she did need some practice vis-à-vis interacting with people in a normal context. Sana and Momo had made that abundantly clear to her, at least.

And, well, if it didn’t work out, she could always find another maternity store to buy clothes from for the final stretch.

“Wow,” Dahyun remarked, as she squinted at her tape measure and scribbled down some notes on her notepad. “You’ve really got it bad. You haven’t grumbled at all, these past few minutes.”

“I was in a bad mood last time.”

“Hormones? It happens.” Dahyun disappeared into the back of the store. Her voice, however, was loud enough to carry back to Mina’s ears. “Still, you’ve been here - what - five times? I’d say that’s a lot of bad moods.”

Mina gritted her teeth. “Sorry.”

“Eh, no worries.” Dahyun shouted in triumph. “Oh! Found one. What do you think of red?”

Too much? “Um… just get me a few and I’ll try them all on.”

“So, who’s the lucky girl?”

Mina’s head snapped up. “Never said it was a girl.”

“Just guessing. I mean, it’s an automatic assumption for me, since -” Dahyun made a muffled noise. “Oh, that’ll be the last one -” A loud bang sounded, followed by a string of curses. As Dahyun limped out, still muttering under her breath, Mina glanced around and noticed that the shop was empty. At this time of day, there weren’t a lot of people around.

Oh, what’s the harm? It’s not like she knows Nayeon or anything.

Mina grabbed one of the dresses Dahyun had retrieved and disappeared into the changing room. Her voice drifted over the partition. “She’s one of my clients. Ex-clients.”

“Oh, nice.”

Encouraged, Mina continued. “She’s, um, really sweet. And her hands are very talented.”

“Talented, you say?”

“N-not in that way!” The door opened; one hand shot out. “May I have another?”

Dahyun complied, thoroughly entertained. “Anything, I dunno, that reflects on her character?”

“She likes to talk about her work, and she likes to ask after my day.” Mina turned herself this way and that, slightly embarrassed at her own vanity, and adjusted the straps of her dress. Black? Did black suit her? She tilted her head at herself, cradled her belly with both hands, gave the matter some thought.

“And?”

“Um, she gives some really good advice.”

“Have you two kissed?”

“Kissed?” Mina gasped. Kissed? “I mean, I’ve thought of -” No. I was not supposed to say that.

Dahyun shrieked. “You haven’t even kissed?”

“Look,” Mina managed, weakly. “We’re just friends. We’re just going to the aquarium. I’m getting a dress because we’ve only ever watched movies or played video games together.”

“In her apartment?”

“Mine, actually -” Oh, no. Mina reddened, covered her face with her hands.

“You’ve been to each other’s apartments?! ”

“Look, I know it sounds -”

“That’s so cute, oh my god.” Dahyun made a gagging noise. “Do you need any more dresses?”

“Mm… no. I think I’ll take this one.” Mina opened the door and didn’t meet Dahyun’s eyes. God, that was embarrassing. “And I can wear this after… well, after I -” She pressed her lips together, tried again. “After I -”

“After you give birth?”

Mina nodded, feeling her throat closing up. Dahyun’s warm hand was on her shoulder, pressing her gently to the couch, and then she felt the other woman settle down beside her. “Look, it’s not that bad,” Dahyun pointed out, quite reasonably, her voice calm and soothing. “I’ve had plenty of women come in through these doors having given birth just the week before, or even the day before. Modern medical technology is amazing, y’know? They’ve got all sorts of wacky stuff to keep you from feeling any pain…” She chattered along in this vein for a while - sort of how Nayeon did, to be honest - and Mina waited until the throbbing in her ears had subsided.

“Dahyun?” she asked, midway through going through her wallet for her credit card. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.” A pause. “Hey, I didn’t even get your name.”

“It’s Mina,” Mina said, feeling something warm bloom in her chest. “Just Mina. Nice to meet you.”

-----

“Nayeon? Nayeon.”

“… mmm?”

“What were you thinking about?”

Oh, god, her pout. “… nothing much. Work stuff. We had, um, a teleconference today. With Seoul. Corporate HQ.”

Mina had never been this talkative before. Throughout lunch, she’d kept up the pace, eating and talking with an unexpected vigour. Nayeon was impressed, and more than a little proud, although - rationally - all this was Mina’s own work. Lots of stuff had been cleared up, and she’d even made a new friend! That was good. Nayeon liked watching other people get their shit together.

“Oh! I forgot to ask you about your day.”

“Yeah, well… um. There was a teleconference.” And after that, I went out with Jeongyeon and Jihyo for lunch and talked their ears off about you. It was inevitable, anyway; she’d needed to vent to someone, and who better than her oldest and closest friends? “Really, that was about it.”

Mina hummed, and adjusted her seatbelt from where it was nestled snugly under the swell of her belly. “Hope it went well.”

“Yeah, it was okay. You actually, um, messaged me halfway through it. But don’t worry! It was really boring, and my presentation came first, so I was dozing off anyway.” Got in trouble with my boss for making light of profit margins, but eh. Small price to pay. Nayeon glanced over at Mina, drinking in her luminescent skin and her barely-there-but-nevertheless-perceptible aura of pure, quiet happiness. “So,” she continued, voice unsteady to her own ears, “driving sounds… pretty complicated.”

“Oh, it’s just a matter of following traffic rules,” Mina replied, turning the wheel with both hands and pulling into the lot quickly. “Checking your mirrors, and making sure not to go above the speed limit. I think they drive on the right side in Korea, don’t they?”

“Maybe I should convert my license to an American one, then.”

“Go for it!” Mina turned in her seat and shot Nayeon a soft, shy smile. Nayeon smiled back, a warm surge of emotion rippling out from her chest, travelling all the way to the tips of her fingers and toes. “Why haven’t you done it yet? It seems like a logical next step to take.”

We hadn’t been planning on staying in America for very long, Nayeon almost said, but as soon as the thought rose to the surface, her smile turned brittle. Ducking down to unbuckle her seatbelt, she turned to her right and got out of Mina’s car, fingers clutching the door handle to steady herself. “O-oh,” she managed. “Yeah, I haven’t converted it yet… guess I prefer using public transport.”

“Oh, it’ll grow old eventually, trust me on that,” Mina quipped, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she rose out of the car and wobbled for the entrance to the aquarium. “Well? Come on!”

Forget about it, Nayeon thought. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it. Think about the present. You’re in the present. What’s that Italian phrase? Chest la bee? Zest la pee? “Hey, Mina?”

“Mmm?”

“What’s that phrase that goes chest la bee?”

Mina giggled. “C’est la vie?”

“Right, that one.”

“That’s a French phrase. It means ‘that’s life’.”

“Oh. Is there another phrase that means, um, something like - focus on the present! Or… don’t think about the past!”

“Carpe diem? That’s Latin.”

“Oh, is that Italian?”

“No!” Mina swatted at Nayeon’s sleeve. “No, see, let me explain…”

-----

“Oh,” Mina breathed. “This is my favourite part of the aquarium.”

Nayeon looked up. “Sharks?” She shuddered.

“Hey, sharks are cute!” Mina watched as one cruised past the glass. “Don’t you think they’re cute?”

“Um…”

Mina huffed. “Look at their lips! They’re so thin… it’s cute.”

“Well, I suppose they are,” Nayeon allowed, unusually quiet in the darkness of the aquarium, the gently sloping walls capturing her voice and magnifying its volume. Here, surrounded by glass and water, the only illumination came from the vast tank before them, and it was this tank that Mina was transfixed by, staring wide-eyed as sharks drifted past, one after another, still going on about sharks.

And Nayeon?

Well, Nayeon was transfixed by Mina.

“Mina?”

“Mmmm?”

“Is that a new dress?”

Mina looked down, surprised. “Yes, it is. You noticed?”

“Yes.”

“Well, thank you.” Mina paused, hesitated, and spun around, the dappled light from the aquarium dancing off her frame, her dress fanning out. “Do you like it?”

I wish I could remember this moment forever, Nayeon thought, desperately, unsteadily, aware that she was in an unexpectedly sentimental mood tonight but unwilling to do anything to dig herself out of it. Right now, it was just the two of them, alone in the aquarium. It was like… it was like something out of a fairy-tale, or a movie.

“Nayeon?”

“I like it,” Nayeon whispered, and then repeated herself, a little louder. “It’s… um, it’s really nice.”

“Thank you.” Another giggle.

“You’re very happy tonight.”

“Yep.” Mina laughed, a brief bubbly gasp of mirth, and closed the distance between them. “Thank you, Nayeon. I’m… I’m feeling a lot better, thanks to you.”

Damn, I’ve got it bad. “No… no problem.”

Chapter Text

“Morning!”

Mina jerked, flailed around for a response, and stammered out a garbled reply.

“Hey, there’s no need to turn around on my account,” Jennie chuckled, holding the door open for her. “Mina, right?”

“Y-yes.”

“Listen, if you need any help, don’t hesitate to ask, alright?” Jennie waited for Mina to exit the toilet before shutting the door behind the two of them and shooting her a polite smile. “Helping each other is what we do.”

Mina nodded vigorously and watched as Jennie crossed the floor to the row of offices reserved for senior associates before making her way to her own, somewhat smaller, office, feeling for all the world as though she’d been transported back in time to her first day at the firm.

These past few days had been… weird. Weird, yes, but the good kind of weird. Other lawyers had been coming forward to introduce themselves to her, help her with things, accompany her between meetings. Mina wasn’t stupid enough to think that they were doing this entirely spontaneously - in fact, she was almost certain that Sana and Momo had worked their own particular blend of charm and persuasion behind the scenes - but it was…

Well, it was nice.

As Mina settled down behind her desk and popped a TUMS into her mouth, she booted up her desktop and started to riffle through her schedule for the second half of the day. It wasn’t very packed, and Mina frowned as she went over it. When Sana and Momo had made Senior Associate, they’d probably been processing twice as many cases as she was. What if… well, what if she wasn’t working hard enough to justify a promotion? Honestly, this pregnancy had come at the worst possible time -

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in!”

“Hi, Ms Myoui!”

“Hello!” Mina waved as Sana and Momo’s protégé entered the room. “Sally, right?”

“Ah, well, most of the people here call me Tzuyu.”

“Tzuyu it is.” Mina pushed back from her desk and interlaced her fingers over her belly. “Um, is everything going fine?”

“Oh!” Tzuyu fidgeted, momentarily, and looked down at her feet sheepishly. “Well, uh, Ms Minatozaki wanted me to drop by to inform you that she and Ms Hirai are going out for lunch in a bit, and would you like to come along?”

“Oh, was that all?” Mina heaved herself to her feet and braced herself against her desk, searching through her pockets and making sure that her wallet was on her. “You know they’re abusing you, right? You’re a lawyer, not a secretary.”

“I was given to understand that this is par for the course for most new lawyers at any firm.”

Oh, wow. That’s the fourth time someone’s held the door for me today. Mina made a small noise of gratitude as she trundled out into the lobby and turned back to glance at Tzuyu. “Well, yeah, but still. Are you joining us for lunch?”

“Ah, no, I don’t think so. I’ll be eating with Ms Chong.”

“That’ll be…” Mina scrunched up her face and thought hard. “Mr Wang’s intern?” She’d run into Jackson in the morning, and he’d gushed about how capable his new intern was for… quite some time. That was just how he was, she supposed. On some days, Mina wondered how she seemed to be the only introvert at the firm.

“Ah, yes.” They’d come to the exit; Mina looked around and caught sight of Sana and Momo making their way towards the two of them. “Um, I suppose I’ll be going off now.”

“Oh, of course.”

As Tzuyu walked off to parts unknown, Sana and Momo arrived and linked arms with Mina, sandwiching her in between them. “So, did you and Tzuyu have a good talk?”

Mina squinted. “Was that all just to get me to interact with her?”

Sana and Momo looked at each other, sniggered, and looked away. “No comment.”

Mina sighed. “She’s nice, but a bit… um… how do I put this… aloof?”

“Oh, she’s like that with everyone. Give it a few weeks, and she’ll warm up to you in no time!” Momo picked up the pace, and Mina found herself practically carried along by the two of them as they swooped down the pavement to what had become their regular lunch destination. “That was how she was with us, but you should see her now.”

“Oh, really.”

“Yeah, we just goof around and she sits there and sighs at us. We use her as a look-out.”

“During… ?”

“Oh, we’re not having sex at work,” Sana blurted, prompting one of their fellow pedestrians to stare at them, scandalized, and swerve to avoid a collision. “Just, y’know, intense makeout sessions.”

Been a while since I made out with someone. Mina pinched the bridge of her nose, sighed in bemused exasperation. “You’re abusing her.”

“Oh, she loves it.”

“Anyway,” Sana added, “once she graduates, we’ll be pushing hard for her to be offered permanent employment.” As they sat down in their usual booth, she added, “She’ll make a good lawyer, I can tell.”

Once they’d made their orders, Momo drained her cup, examined her nails, and traded a glance with Sana. “So,” she began, nonchalantly, “why the sudden change in behaviour?”

“Mmm?”

“Well, me and Sana have been discussing it, and, um, we’ve been wondering. Because, uh, this is a huge deviation from your previous, uh, way of dealing with people.”

“I’m not pushing people away anymore,” Mina replied, dryly. “Is that what you mean?”

Momo cleared her throat, slapped an innocent expression on her face. “I didn’t say that.”

“Well…” Mina looked down, twiddled her thumbs, smiled. “I met someone.”

Sana choked on her tea. Momo’s mouth, on the other hand, was completely empty, and so it was Momo who all but lunged across the table, eyes wide. “Oh my god! Who?”

“Momo, calm down, will you? Don’t make a scene.” Mina glanced out at the restaurant, cheeks prickling with heat. “It’s just… we’re just friends. She’s very nice.” She looked down at the table and picked up a sushi with her chopsticks as Sana cleaned up the mess she’d made and rinsed out her mouth. “She convinced me, really. Taught me how to go about it.”

“You didn’t ask us, anyway,” Momo replied, slightly reproachfully.

“I wasn’t… well, I thought you’d tell someone, or let it slip to one of the others. At the time, I thought they’d use it against me.”

“Wow, you really don’t think very well of any of us, do you?” Sana arched an eyebrow and folded her arms, momentarily playing the role of a disgruntled ex-friend before dissolving into giggles and socking an aghast Mina lightly in the arm. “I’m joking, I’m joking. Seriously, though, do we know her?”

“Probably not. We met a couple weeks back. One of my, uh, many clients.” Speaking of which - oh, never mind. “I don’t know if you remember her - she’s a Ms Im - ?”

“Oh, the one who made you cry?”

“Sana!”

“What? You did cry.”

“I just… well, I wasn’t in a good headspace that day. It had nothing to do with her.”

“Still…” Sana looked slightly suspicious, and Momo barely better. “I don’t know, Mina… did she really - ?”

Mina hugged herself, pouted, and watched in satisfaction as Sana and Momo went soft. “Well, I’d be very cross if either of you tried to intimidate her or… or… something like that,” she finished, lamely, and took a sip of her tea. “So, please, don’t. Please? I can take care of myself.”

“We wouldn’t know,” Momo pointed out. “You’ve never talked to us about your other relationships before.”

“Still.”

“This Ms Im must be an angel.”

“Oh, she is.”

Momo and Sana exchanged glances.

-----

“Nayeon?”

“… mmm?”

Mina’s eyes remained fixed on the television screen from where she was half-lying on the chaise lounge, fingers dancing over the console. “Do you -” She stopped, tried again. “Well, I know it may be a sensitive subject, but, um, what styles of dance are you into?”

“You mean, what sort of styles of dance do I enjoy watching?” Nayeon pursed her lips and inched closer towards Mina, drawn to her by her warmth. “Well, uh, I watch street dances, popping, that sort of thing… have you heard of 1MILLION -”

“Oh! Yes, yes!” Mina jerked up, brushing against Nayeon’s sleeve, and paused the game. “Let me pull up YouTube.” As she switched inputs and grabbed another remote, Nayeon leaned back, amidst the cushions, and watched, content simply to bask in the quiet simplicity of the moment. Perhaps it was that Mina’s apartment was better-furnished, or perhaps Mina had put more thought into producing a certain mood, but, either way, it was more calming than Nayeon’s own apartment.

“Recommended for you,” Nayeon read, “Red Velvet? Blackpink? BTS?”

“I like K-pop,” Mina whined, sounding aggrieved, and Nayeon laughed, long and loud, before slumping back amidst the cushions as Lia Kim showed up onscreen, dancing frenziedly to a cacophony of cheers. “It’s not like I’ve been hiding it.”

“Do you go to concerts?”

“Oh, um, not really.” Mina shifted against the cushions and brushed against Nayeon’s shoulder, slowly but surely propping herself up against her. Nayeon noticed, but kept her mouth shut and stared straight ahead, a vein throbbing in her temple as she physically restrained herself from flailing about in excitement. “I just… I buy stuff. Albums and whatnot.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“Nayeon?”

“Mmm?”

“Next time, can you bring your dog?” Mina turned to look at her, and their eyes met. “I’m… well, I’ve been thinking…” She paused, wet her lips, and tried again. “I like dogs,” she finished, relaxing against Nayeon’s shoulder, “and… well… I’ve always wanted one.”

“Sure! I think he likes you. Have I said that before?”

“Yup.”

A comfortable silence settled over the living room. Nayeon wondered if it was because of the lighting; in her own apartment, the lighting was brighter, and couldn’t be adjusted, while the lighting in Mina’s living room could best be described as warm . Maybe that was it. Maybe that was why she liked spending time in Mina’s living room. With Mina.

“Nayeon? What do you think about ballet?”

“Uh,” Nayeon wracked her brains, “I guess I know it exists. That’s about… that’s about it. Didn’t you take ballet?”

“I did,” Mina agreed softly, shifting her head to rest against Nayeon’s sternum. (Oh, god. Oh, god. Don’t panic, Nayeon. Don’t panic. ) “Quit when I went to high school in the US. I still practiced, though, and kept up with, y’know, what was happening. In the ballet scene.” She glanced up at Nayeon through half-lidded eyes, and Nayeon swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. “I guess, um, what I’m trying to ask is, um…” She closed her eyes, their faces inches from each other (come on, Mina, the suspense is killing me), and then opened them, glancing away. “Would you like to go to the ballet? With me? It’s a local theatre, and it’s pretty small… I used to drop by once in a while to watch their recitals. I like it a lot, and I was wondering if I could share it with -”

“Sure, sure!” Cuddling is normal, right? If you’re both girls who are friends. (Girlfriends?) (Im Nayeon, you’re a coward, you know that?) “Next time?”

“Definitely. We’ll go to dinner, and then I’ll bring you there! I don’t know if you’ve been to that part of town before.” Mina continued to talk, her voice low and soothing, and this time it was Nayeon’s turn to be lulled into sleep.

-----

Mina wondered why she’d never seen Nayeon sleep before.

Maybe because I don’t live with her?

That was probably it.

Besides, Mina thought, thinking as rationally and in as detached a manner as possible, she could be hell to live with. What if she hogs the bathroom every morning? What if her cooking is terrible? What if Kookeu urinates over all the furniture?

“Eh,” Mina whispered. “How bad could it be?”

Heaving herself upright, Mina lowered her legs to the carpet, feet sinking into its fluffy softness, and watched Nayeon as she slept. She’d been to Nayeon’s apartment before, and she’d fallen asleep there. She’d woken up on her own, though, that time, and something told her that Nayeon was a really, really deep sleeper.

Nayeon’s mouth had opened by a fraction, revealing her front teeth, and Mina was suddenly struck by a violent and nigh-irrepressible urge to tap on them. No. Don’t wake her up. She needs her sleep!

“사랑해,” Nayeon whispered, and Mina froze.

She’d watched enough K-dramas and sat through enough grueling online lessons on Hangul that she knew exactly what Nayeon was saying. I didn’t know she talked in her sleep.

Do I dare?

Carefully, Mina raised her legs back onto the couch and reclined against the cushions, eyes searching in the darkness for Nayeon’s limp hand, and reached for it. Their hands were about the same size, and Nayeon’s hand was warm. Mina intertwined her fingers with it, breathing shallowly, and sighed gently to herself.

I’d better go back to my bed. If I sleep here, I’ll have a killer backache when I wake up.

But Nayeon was here.

“Oh, it’ll just be for tonight,” Mina murmured to herself, eyes drifting drowsily over Nayeon’s lips, and snuggled into her side.

-----

Nayeon woke up to a warm, soft surface pressing into her side. Her neck had curved backwards, hair fanning out over the cushions, and Mina’s hand was in hers.

Night had fallen. It could have been midnight, or it could have been five in the morning. Either way, the sun hadn’t come up yet, and Mina was still sleeping, her breathing steady and regular, chest rising and falling into her side. The warm, soft surface that Nayeon had been woken up by was her stomach, and as Nayeon turned to her right, she saw Mina.

Ballet, huh?

Nayeon turned away from Mina, staring up at the ceiling, and smiled dreamily. She was awake, true, but Mina was still asleep, and god forbid that she wake her up. It was a small price to pay.

-----

There was the beginning of an ache building in the base of Mina’s spine as she woke up.

She was still holding Nayeon’s hand.

“Oh,” she heard Nayeon say, voice unclouded by the phlegm that tended to collect in Mina’s throat when she woke up, “you’re up. Good morning.”

Mina looked up, arched her back, groaned. “Good morning, Nayeon.” A few seconds later, her wits returned to her, and she let go of Nayeon’s hand. “Sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Nayeon murmured, covering her eyes with the back of her hand, and sat upright. “Oh, shit. I’ve got work today.”

“Me too -” Mina began, but cut off abruptly as the backache hit, hissing as she rose to her feet and planted one hand solidly against her back, bracing her spine. “ Fuck.”

Nayeon’s hands were on her shoulders, then, pulling her gently back into the cushions, kneading at her sore back, and Mina felt a surge of warmth flood outwards from her chest to the tips of her fingers and up into her cheeks. “Don’t you have work, Nayeon?” she asked plaintively.

“Eh, I’m my own boss,” Nayeon muttered, dismissively. “Jihyo and Jeongyeon will understand. You, on the other hand…”

“I can call in sick today,” Mina managed, weakly, and felt around for her phone. Serves me right, anyway, for sleeping on the couch instead of in my own room.

“You should have left me on the couch,” Nayeon said, reproachfully.

“I should,” Mina agreed. But I wasn’t thinking straight last night. “Don’t know what got into me. Oh, well… I suppose I’m already being punished for my ill-judgement.”

“I know I’m irresistible, but you really have to look after your own health,” Nayeon continued, working her way up from the base of Mina’s spine, and Mina bit her lip as her strong fingers worked out a kink in the small of her back.

“Vanity is a sin, you know.”

“Oh, and you would know.”

“I’m Catholic, actually.” Mina twisted her head to smile at Nayeon. “Technically Catholic, anyway.”

“Wouldn’t have known,” Nayeon replied, sinking her hands into Mina’s neck and letting go. “It’s not like you’ve got any crosses in this apartment of yours. Anyway,” and here her voice grew noticeably lighter, “I’m done! Feeling better?”

“Yes.” Mina threw her arms out to either side, pushing her chest out, and smiled at the strangled sound that Nayeon produced at the sight. “Thank you, Nayeon.”

“Anytime.”

An awkward silence fell.

“Well,” Nayeon continued, rising to her feet, “I guess I’ll see you for our next dinner together. Thanks for… well, thanks for last night.”

“My pleasure.” Mina rose to her feet, pleased that the stabbing pains in her back had (mostly) subsided, and led Nayeon to the door. “Bring Kookeu next time, okay?”

“You got it.”

As the door shut behind her, Mina sighed, hung her head, and went to shower. Should’ve showered last night, she thought, disgruntled, feeling dispirited now that Nayeon had gone back to her own apartment. Now my schedule is all fucked up.

Chapter Text

“Oh,” Mina remarked, halfway through lunch. “And, um, if anyone asks, I’m knocking off from work early today.”

“Really? For what?”

“I’m bringing Ms Im to the ballet.”

Momo didn’t quite choke on her tea the way Sana had a couple days back, but it was a close-run thing. As Sana delivered a few hearty thumps to her girlfriend’s back, she turned to Mina, leaned across the table and stage-whispered, “ Ms Im? ”

Mina nodded.

“Just tell her how you feel already,” Momo complained, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “It took us, like, two hours to start dating.”

“Didn’t you meet in a bar?” Mina pointed out, quite reasonably.

“You’re dodging the question,” Sana retorted, finger dancing out to boop her lightly on the nose, and Mina swatted at her hand, giggling. “Also, we met in a bar, had sex, and then got together after realizing that we were both in the same course.”

“I apologize for misremembering,” Mina replied, trying to get her giggles under control, and snagged another California roll for herself. “Anyways, I’m not sure if I’m, um, ready. Just yet. Still got a lot of other stuff to figure out.” Chief among them - but not limited to - the weight pressing on my bladder. God, I need to pee.

“Well, whatever happens, we’ll be more than happy to help in whatever way we can,” Sana finished, rubbing Mina’s hand comfortingly, and turned to look at Momo. “We love babies, don’t we?”

“Yeah,” Momo said, with such an obvious lack of enthusiasm that it set Mina off for the third time that day. “Sure.”

-----

“So,” Jihyo remarked, appearing in the doorway, “ballet, huh?”

“So,” Jeongyeon echoed, one hand draped over Jihyo’s shoulders, waggling her eyebrows dramatically (not that Nayeon could see her - it was just what Jeongyeon did), “ballet, huh?”

Nayeon buried her face in her hands. “Please stop,” she groaned, voice muffled.

“You’ve been reading up on ballet terms for the past two hours,” Jihyo pointed out, falling backwards into one of Nayeon’s chairs with a loud creak , and Jeongyeon took up position beside her, pausing to run a finger over Nayeon’s desk, wrinkling her nose. “Instead of working, I might add.”

“It’s like this whenever she gets a crush,” Jeongyeon observed loudly. “Dude, remember that food delivery lady from Busan? Her productivity dropped by, like, 50%.”

“That’s not how productivity works,” Nayeon moaned. “Please stop.”

“You should be lucky that we dragged you along with us,” Jihyo murmured, then, rubbing Nayeon’s elbow comfortingly. “I don’t think you would’ve survived another breakup back in Seoul.” A pause. “Then again, I think we’re putting the cart ahead of the horse a bit, here.”

“Look, there’s nothing between us.”

“She says, on her fifth date.” Jihyo tipped her head backwards and stretched luxuriously. “You can leave early if you want, Nayeon. It’s not like it’d make much of a difference. We know how much time you like to spend in front of the mirror.”

Nayeon peeked at them from between her fingers. “You serious?”

Jihyo nodded.

“Oh, good.”

-----

The sun was sinking below the rooftops, and soon it would be gone entirely. One by one, the small shops and outlets lining the street were flickering into life, LED and neon blending together to light up the night in their own distinctive way. You can’t see this in any other part of town, Nayeon thought, staring out the window, and tried to take her mind off the sensation of her heart thud-thud-thudding in her chest. This sight is unique to this street, and this street alone. Isn’t that funny?

“Wow, you’re early tonight,” Chaeyoung noted, swinging into the seat opposite her.

Nayeon raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you have work to do?” she asked, pointedly.

“Don’t you have a bottle of beer to finish?” Chaeyoung retorted. She’d dyed her hair blonde again, Nayeon noticed. “I’d be more than happy to supply you with one, and take a photo of you on top of it. It’d really match the whole mopey, fake-deep aesthetic you’ve got going on.”

Nayeon pouted, stung. “Go away.”

Chaeyoung shifted in her seat. “It’ll be fine, unnie.” She scratched her head, ran her hands over the table. “Dunno why you’re getting performance anxiety. Haven’t you been doing fine these past few weeks?”

“Hey, I never told you I was meeting Mina tonight.”

“Don’t have to,” Chaeyoung shrugged. “Your friends always come early, and Ms Myoui always comes late.”

“You’re more perceptive than someone of your age should be,” Nayeon sniped.

“Thanks.” Chaeyoung sniffed, rose to her feet again, and rapped her hand against the side of the table. “I’m off to switch on the lights. There should be a few customers coming in soon, so try not to scare them off, yeah?”

Nayeon didn’t answer. As Chaeyoung walked off, she leaned back against the leather seats, folded her arms, and resumed staring out the window. Why was she so worried about tonight? She’d done all this before, after all - knocking off work early, going home, spending about an hour in front of the mirror, trooping down to the diner to wait for Mina, and so on. It was almost a routine at this point. Heck, it was a routine.

Tonight will be different, she thought, setting her jaw. Tonight, I’m going to tell her how I really feel.

There hadn’t been anything to trigger or precipitate this decision; she hadn’t had a sudden brush with death or anything like that. No, the past few weeks had been building up to this, in the same way that a stone rolling down a hill tends to go faster and faster until it crushes anything in its way. When she’d spent the night at Mina’s apartment, the two of them slumped against each other, she’d woken up and thought:

Hm. I’m home.

She wasn’t - after all, it wasn’t her apartment, and Kookeu wasn’t there - but that thought had stuck with her. She could see herself living there, for some reason, waking up every day beside Mina. They hadn’t even had breakfast together, but she could imagine the two of them settling down on the couch together, side by side, a steaming cup of coffee in Nayeon’s hands and -

“Hi.”

Nayeon’s head snapped up. “Oh,” she gargled, throat dry, and had to stretch her jaw a bit before the words came out right. “Hi, Mina. Um.” She was wearing the same dress she’d worn to the aquarium; it looked good on her, and Nayeon wondered if she ought to say so. Oh, why not? “Your dress is very nice.”

“Thanks,” Mina replied, softly, and smoothed down the pleats of her skirt before sliding over into the booth and setting her handbag down beside her. “Um, I wore it to the aquarium. It’s the only - it’s the fanciest dress I own.”

“It’s a very nice dress,” Nayeon repeated, still in shock, a bit on edge, her knowledge of what she intended to do tonight making her palms clammy. “I’ve already, um, decided on what I want to get for dinner. We can leave if you want to eat something else -”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Mina interrupted her, quickly, looking down at the menu and brushing a stray lock of hair over her ear. “I’ll just have the, um, the carbonara. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah! Yeah, no problem.” Nayeon flagged Chaeyoung down slightly more vigorously than was necessary, and before long, silence had fallen over their table as they tried and failed not to look at one another.

“So,” Mina began, when the awkward quiet had dragged on for way too long, “how was your day?”

-----

It might have just been her, but Nayeon seemed a bit nervous today.

“- so I, um, I told them that -” Nayeon broke off for a moment, sucked noisily from her drink, and resumed. “I told them -”

No, it wasn’t her. Nayeon was definitely nervous. She’d been nervous all throughout dinner, as Mina had worked her way, slowly but steadily, through her carbonara, tripping over her words and mispronouncing terms whenever Mina met her eyes. That was… odd. She had no idea why Nayeon would be so nervous, but it was probably because of… ballet.

Yes. Ballet.

“Are you nervous about tonight, Nayeon?”

Nayeon’s mouth opened and closed. Something that sounded roughly like a death rattle escaped her lips.

“You don’t have to be,” Mina steamrolled on, the silence having teetered on the edge of awkwardness for a nanosecond too long, and arranged her utensils with exacting accuracy on her plate. “I’m, um… ballet isn’t… there’s no etiquette that you have to follow, I mean, when watching a ballet performance. And, I mean, if you need to use the bathroom, you can just go during the intermission. I know I will.” She laughed, softly, trying to poke a bit of fun at her condition, and hiccupped.

“Oh.” Nayeon blinked. “Oh… um. Okay. That’s good… that’s comforting to know.” She wiped her sweaty palms down on her lap, finished off her last mouthfuls of pan-fried fillet, and met Mina’s gaze again. It must be the third time that she’s met my gaze in the past half-hour. Wow, she’s really anxious. “Do you… do you want to go?”

Mina hiccupped again, pressed a hand to her chest, and nodded.

“So,” Chaeyoung (that was her name, right?) said, when they were at her counter, “which of you is paying this time?”

Nayeon stared at her. “You’re the cashier,” she observed, in a rather deadpan manner. “Haven’t you been keeping track?”

Chaeyoung grinned back, unrepentantly. “You’ve forgotten, haven’t you?”

Nayeon sputtered. “Of course I haven’t - of all the -” She broke off, turned to stare at Mina, a pleading look in her eyes. “Mina, I’m so, so sorry -”

“Let’s just pay for each of our meals,” Mina said, trying very, very hard not to laugh, and pulled out her phone to calculate her share of the bill.

The quick stroll down to the car-park and the equally quick drive down to the theatre were blessedly incident-free, and Mina found herself switching on the radio for the first time in a while. It was strange, she reflected, as she glanced over her shoulder and backed slowly into her parking lot. In the beginning - at the start - when they’d both been treating each other to dinner, Mina had kept scrupulous records of who paid for what, and when. Gradually - gradually at first, and then, suddenly, all at once - she’d started to stop paying so much attention to that. Nayeon had forgotten, and so had she.

It’s not about treating her to dinner. It was never about treating her to dinner.

Mina reddened, turned away from Nayeon to heave herself out of the car, and stared out into the darkness to calm herself.

The theatre was just across the street. Quite fortunately, Mina’s flush had died down by the time they entered the theatre and fumbled their way to their seats. It was good to have something to focus on, externally, something to look at. Nayeon wasn’t familiar with the layout of the place, and Mina saw, with her greater familiarity with the place, found herself leading Nayeon into the darker confines of the interior confidently, navigating to a vacant spot, somewhere off to the side.

“Wow,” Nayeon sighed, melting into her seat and wriggling a bit, “this is… nice.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Mina exhaled, swallowed, closed her eyes. “It’s a bit smaller than a movie theatre, but I think that helps make it more intimate. It hosts performances once a fortnight, you know.”

“Oh, really?”

Mina made a small noise of affirmation, eyes turning back to the stage, and hushed Nayeon lightly. “It’s starting.”

-----

“So,” Mina began, a hint of teasing in her tone, “how was it?”

Nayeon turned to look at her and blinked. “I don’t really… um… I don’t really know what else you want me to tell you,” she replied, as honestly as she could. “It was… nice?”

“Yes, but I’ve already explained the whole story to you,” Mina answered, sounding a bit exasperated, and Nayeon held the lift as she made her way out and unlocked her apartment. “Anyway, the storytelling is besides the point. What do you think of, um, you know, the whole idea of ballet?”

“The whole idea of ballet?” Nayeon hesitated at the threshold, wondering if Mina was going to invite her in, and then decided that it didn’t matter. I mean, we’re familiar enough that unspoken invitations should be normal. Right? Right. “Um, that’s a bit… that’s a bit big.” She placed her shoes neatly beside one another on Mina’s shoe rack (which was a new habit that she’d picked up over the past few weeks, dropping by her apartment as often as she did) and shut the door behind her, following Mina to the couch. “I’m not - this is my first time watching something like this.”

“Yes, I know,” Mina murmured, sighing into the cushions and fumbling for the remote, “but, as someone completely new to ballet, how do you find it? How does it compare to -” she gestured at nothing in particular, “- to the sort of dance that you were familiar with before?”

“Oh.” Nayeon nodded vigourously. “Yeah, um, it’s a lot… slower? More theatrical. Yup.” How do I bring this around to Mina and I? she thought, a bit desperately. “And, um, speaking of -”

But Mina was already speaking. “Oh, you should look at the more experimental ones,” she continued, eagerly, eyes sparkling, and Nayeon didn’t have the heart to interrupt her. “I watch them, from time to time - on YouTube, of course, the local theatre doesn’t exactly air that sort of stuff, it’s much more traditional - and it’s… I mean, traditional ballet is quite - you can’t replace it, definitely.”

“Of course,” Nayeon agreed, vaguely. “Of course.”

Mina looked down at her hands, interlacing and untangling them, and fell silent.

“What’s wrong?”

“No, um…” Mina looked up. She seemed a little discouraged, and Nayeon felt her heart beating a little faster at the thought of her being distressed. “It’s just… well, I thought of how you didn’t really dance anymore after your accident -” and here she winced, as if she expected Nayeon to have a panic attack at the thought of her accident, “- and I thought, well, I didn’t really think it, but it may have been a factor.” She paused for breath. “I thought, well, maybe you could consider ballet. But that’s stupid. I mean, ballet is so different from the sort of dancing that you -” she stumbled over the word, “- did, the sort of -”

“I don’t mind.”

Mina skidded to a halt. “Eh?”

“I don’t,” Nayeon repeated, the dim lighting of Mina’s living room playing havoc on her nerves. “Mind, that is. I mean, ballet’s unfamiliar, but. Um. It seems…” She racked her brains. “It seems… slower. Less vigourous than the sort of dancing I used to do. It might be better.” She didn’t have the heart to tell Mina that she’d - to a certain extent - given up on dancing, and as Mina’s expression brightened, like the sun peeking out from behind a cloud, Nayeon’s resolve dissolved further.

“Oh, really? That’s good!” Mina nodded, resolutely, pressing her lips together, and heaved herself upright, still resplendent in her dress. “That’s good!”

Nayeon stood up, a bit unsure of herself. “What are you…”

And that was when Mina’s hand closed around hers.

“I was just thinking,” Mina continued, softer, much, much softer, as the hair on the back of Nayeon’s neck rose to attention, “I mean… ballroom dancing, ballet… they’re about the… about the same thing? Um.” She laughed, nervously, unevenly, and guided Nayeon’s limp, clammy hand to her back. “Let’s just move out to… behind the couch…”

Nayeon didn’t trust herself to speak as the two of them moved, crablike, over the carpet, Mina grabbing her remote in one hand and navigating to a video on YouTube. A slow, relaxing, lyric-less melody started to play softly over the speakers.

“So,” Mina babbled, her head dipping, staring at her feet and Nayeon’s, “um, ballet… duets. Duets. They’re, like, um, two people performing together. But, fundamentally, it’s just a dance. It’s just… two people… dancing together. Like -” her breath hitched - “like this.”

Nayeon looked down at her feet, too, and watched as Mina took a few steps back, a few steps forward.

“See,” Mina managed, looking up, meeting Nayeon’s gaze, flushing bright red. “N-now, it’s your turn.”

Wordlessly, her mind completely empty, her throat having gone as dry as the Sahara, Nayeon followed Mina’s lead.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Mina’s breath was warm on her neck.

Fuck it.

Nayeon took one step forward, unsteadily, not entirely sure of what she was doing…

And collided with Mina’s belly.

Mina made a noise - a bit like a high-pitched squeak - and pulled back, mouth opening and closing, and - like clockwork - Nayeon’s hand disengaged from her back, their fingers untangling, and the moment - such as it was - was over.

“Oh, sorry,” Nayeon babbled, cursing herself, cursing her parents, cursing everything, and ran her hands through her hair. “I’m - um - sorry -”

“It’s fine,” Mina repeated, the words pouring from her lips like a mantra, and failed to meet Nayeon’s eyes. Her voice had gone softer again. “Um. Yeah.” She looked up. “Sunday? As usual?”

“S-sure,” Nayeon whispered. “Sure.”

Her mind was no longer blank, but the condition it was in wasn’t much better. A whirlwind was tearing through her brain, taking any rational thought with it, and Nayeon walked to the door on autopilot, a detached part of herself noting how Mina seemed embarrassed, and attributing any number of wild hypotheses to that fact. She’s not meeting my eyes. She hasn’t been meeting my eyes for the past five minutes. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no -

The door shut, Mina disappeared, and Nayeon found herself - for the umpteenth time - staring at the blank wood, disappointed, irritated and absolutely out of patience with herself. Hadn’t she decided to confess tonight?

Apparently not.

Im Nayeon, you coward.

This is ridiculous, Nayeon thought to herself, slapping a hand to her forehead, but I can’t do this. I can’t do this. She bent double, took a few deep breaths, and patted her cheeks. She needed to take a leap of faith, but… oh, it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough. She couldn’t trust herself to do this on her own; she’d have to ask for help.

While she was in the lift, on her way down, she whipped her phone out and dialled a number.

“Hey, Jihyo? Can you and Jeongyeon drop by the diner?”

-----

Mina couldn’t stop smiling.

After Nayeon had left, she hadn’t been able to sit down. Instead, she’d started pacing around her living room, unable to rest, hopped up on a strange sort of nervous energy that simply would not subside. Even when she tried to sit down and play some video games or put on a drama, she inevitably found herself springing to her feet again, pacing, warmth prickling up and down her spine, a sort of phantom tingle lingering from where Nayeon had placed her hand on the small of her back.

She’d already damaged her sleep schedule, though, and Mina knew that when she woke up tomorrow, she’d be exhausted. Her eyebags would be more pronounced, she’d fall asleep at her desk, and she couldn’t even drink coffee -

Oh, screw it, she thought, a bit petulantly. It’s the weekend! She'd completely forgotten that it was Friday amidst all the excitement and terror of doing… whatever it was that she’d done with Nayeon. I can stay up late if I want. I’m not a toddler. I don’t have to supervise myself over every little thing.

Actually, since she was still awake, and since it was - Mina checked the clock - way, way past her bedtime, why not… why not do something random? Why not do something spontaneous? Mina puffed out her cheeks, drummed her fingers on her couch, and decided to go and make herself a cup of hot chocolate.

I deserve it, anyway, for having gone so far this time around. There’s always a next time.

That was what she was thinking as she rummaged through her fridge, before making a small noise of dismay when no candy turned up. Have I eaten up all my chocolate? She checked the corner of her fridge where she kept her snacks, all her Cadbury bars and M&M packs and Reese’s Pieces, and grimaced. Crap, I really don’t have any more chocolate.

The diner served hot chocolate, though.

Mina straightened up. Now, there was an idea. She could go down to the diner, couldn’t she? There was nothing stopping her from going down, though she didn’t leave the house at night. Still, though, the diner wasn’t very far from her house; she could just nip out, order a cup to take-away, and then trot back to her apartment complex. There was nothing wrong with that, was there? And the neighbourhood was safe. Nayeon had said as much.

Oh, why not? I’ll be quick. Mina patted herself down. Besides, I’m already dressed to go out. I’ll be fine.

Just in case, she grabbed a can of mace and kept her phone tightly wedged in her hand.

The walk to the diner was heart-stopping. It was awfully, awfully dark, and Mina didn’t want to say that she was afraid of the dark, but… well, maybe she was afraid of the dark, but she was more concerned about the potential risks that might be hiding in the dark. Her worries ebbed away as the diner came into view, a lone beacon of light in the darkness -

Mina glanced behind her, noticed that there was a 24-hour pharmacy that was still open, and decided that she might have been exaggerating a bit.

The diner was open, as expected. Mina vaguely recalled that its opening hours extended well past midnight, and was pleased to know that her memory had not failed her in this regard. The floors seemed cleaner, and the whole place seemed deserted. It seemed deserted, but it wasn’t actually deserted, because she could hear people speaking in one corner or another. The counter was empty, so they were probably just about to lock up. Mina decided to look for Chaeyoung - or whoever else was occupying the counter at this hour - before getting her hot chocolate.

It wasn’t until she’d taken a few more steps in that she was able to make out the words. They were speaking in English.

“- I mean, our English is much better than your Korean, so it’s only fair.” It was a woman speaking, an unfamiliar woman, and Mina’s curiosity was piqued. Eavesdropping was wrong, but she was curious, and besides she had a legitimate reason for being at the diner. She inched forward, feet tapping lightly over the floor, and paused when she saw Chaeyoung, standing in front of a booth which was housing three women.

“Okay, fine.” That was Chaeyoung. “Well, what do you want? I’m going to close up soon.”

“Nayeon wants to declare her love this Sunday.”

Behind her pillar, back pressed to the cool material, Mina raised one hand to her mouth and closed her eyes. This, she thought, would be the point where - if her life were a movie - the background music would reach a crescendo, soaring majestically. Love , she mouthed, dreamily, rolling the word around in her mouth. Love.

She’d play along. She’d pretend that she didn’t know anything, but -

“What, seriously?” Chaeyoung was cackling. “Good on you, Nayeon! What do you need?”

There were two women who were talking, both of whom Mina did not recognize. They must have been Nayeon’s friends, Jeongyeon and Jihyo. They seemed nice enough, and Mina listened, smiling dopily, as they went over their shopping list - a cake, a big cake, and streamers, and all the essentials for a party, and big, heart-shaped balloons. Her agitated mood seemed to have faded away entirely, and in its place was a comforting warmth located solidly in the very centre of her chest. She still hadn’t slept yet, and some rational part of her brain was aware that she was strung-out, high with excitement, and that she’d feel very different in the morning -

“- wait,” Chaeyoung said, suddenly, cutting through Mina’s sudden flight of fancy, “aren’t you - y’all said you’d only be here temporarily.”

What?

“She doesn’t know that,” Nayeon said, for the first time since she’d entered the diner, her voice cutting over the ringing in Mina’s ears. “I’m still wondering how I’ll break it to her. We’re working on it -”

“Uh,” one of the women - Jeongyeon, Jihyo, it didn’t matter - began, “um, Nayeon, I think, um. Does Mina. Uh. I think. Chaeyoung, I think there’s someone standing behind that pillar -”

-----

Oh, fuck.

“Oh, fuck,” Nayeon hissed, rising to her feet and almost clobbering Jihyo across the shoulder in her haste to clamber out of the booth, a terrible sinking feeling radiating out from the pit of her stomach. There was a woman standing behind that pillar, and she could clearly see her turn around and flee out the door, one hand to her face, the other balled into a small fist. She hadn’t caught any glimpse of her face, but she’d seen that dress twice, and she knew - knew , down to her bones, with a certainty that was instinctive - that the woman who’d just left was Mina.

Chaeyoung made a strangled sound as she elbowed past her, but Nayeon didn’t stop to apologize. She didn’t even stop to look. She could feel her legs tightening as she lunged out the door into the darkness, as it always did when she moved too quickly or otherwise overexerted herself, but now was not the time to worry about that. She’d have time enough for that in the future.

“Mina,” she shouted, squinting as her eyes struggled to adjust to the night. “Mina!”

Mina’s hair was black, and her dress was black, but Nayeon could make out her calves, just ahead of her, limping along as fast as she could with a belly the size of a bowling ball, and it briefly struck her just how absurd this whole situation was, a woman whose legs would start to ache after a minute of sprinting chasing after a pregnant woman. “Mina!” she howled, again, voice cracking on the second syllable, and stepped up her pace. She could speed up, but Mina couldn’t - she was already moving as fast as she could - and so she was able to catch up with her. Nayeon reached out, hand going for Mina’s elbow, and her fingers closed around her arm.

Mina turned around, face white in the darkness, nose running, her eyes rimmed with red, tears dripping like diamonds down her face, and Nayeon’s idiot, idiot brain supplied another image, one of Mina in the bathroom, fresh from crying, and Nayeon asking if she was alright -

“Fuck you,” Mina sobbed, tearing her arm free, and pivoted on her heel.

“Mina,” Nayeon repeated, slightly softer, keeping pace easily with her even as her legs started to protest, “Mina, look, I can explain. I can explain.”

“Don’t you think you should have put that in at the start?” Mina hissed, refusing to look at her, swiping at her face. “Oh, Mina, and by the way, I’m going to be leaving in six months, and I’ll be leaving you here forever -”

“That’s not what’s going to happen,” Nayeon snarled, going for Mina’s wrist again, fingers tightening desperately. “Look, we’ve agreed to speak to the company. We’re already talking to them.” Her voice wobbled. “Look, Mina, please, please believe me. I’m not going to leave you here. I was hoping that I’d be able to resolve the issue before -”

Mina shook her head, pulled her hand free with a vicious tug. “No,” she sniffed, staring down at the ground, putting one foot in front of the other, “ no. Never again.” She inhaled sharply, stared into the distance. “I trusted you, Nayeon, and you didn’t even - something as big as this, and you didn’t even say anything.” Her voice broke, and Nayeon’s chest twisted. “You said you’d be here for me. ”

“I’ll earn your trust back,” Nayeon rejoined, making another grab for Mina’s wrist and missing by a few inches. “Please, Mina. Let me just -”

“No.”

Time to try a different tack , her agitated, adrenalin-addled brain went, and Nayeon gritted her teeth. “You’re not being fair to me,” she continued, stumbling along the sidewalk as Mina’s apartment complex came into view, “you’re really, really not being fair to me, Mina. I mean, um, you didn’t - you left some stuff out, too -”

No response. Nayeon took that to mean that she still had a chance, and bulldozed on.

“I didn’t ask you how you got pregnant,” she continued, mouth moving faster than she could think, riffling through her memories of past relationships to find out the words that she needed to say to get Mina to say, “and I - can we do a give-and-take, here? No more secrets - I’ll tell you everything about me. Everything. I’ll tell you who my first kiss was with, I’ll tell you everything you need to know about my family, I’ll tell you all about my past relationships so you know that none of them -”

Mina put on a final burst of speed, momentum carrying her forward into the lift, and the doors closed just as Nayeon slammed into the lobby. She doubled over, then, panting, knees crying for help, and turned to the stairwell.

I shouldn’t have said that.

I shouldn’t have said that.

I shouldn’t have said that.

The excruciating climb up the stairs provided her with more than enough time to conduct a post-mortem of their conversation. Nayeon ground her teeth; there was another ache building up in her chest, perfectly complementing the searing pain in her kneecaps, the feeling that she’d fucked up again , ended a relationship before it had even been given a chance to breathe, turned Mina irrevocably against her -

“Mina,” she shouted, battering her fists against the door. “Mina!”

She stayed there until Jeongyeon and Jihyo arrived, and had to be physically hoisted to her feet before she could leave, her knees having finally given up on her.

-----

“Mina!”

She’d slammed her door shut just as Nayeon surged out of the stairwell. She could still see her out of the corner of her eye, a white face emerging from the stairwell, frizzy hair slick with sweat, one hand outstretched as though she’d be able to reach across the space between them and physically restrain her.

“Mina!”

She’d put on a spot of music, a random playlist from Mamamoo or Blackpink or Red Velvet, and curled up on the couch, because she was not going to let Nayeon hear her cry. She wouldn’t let Nayeon hear another word from here. She’d leave her with silence, because silence was all she deserved.

“Mina!”

She’d recover from this. It wasn’t like she'd never been in a relationship with anyone else before.

“Mina!”

“Shut up,” Mina whispered, knees drawn up at a forty-five-degree angle, unable to pull them up to her chest because of her swollen stomach, and shoved her fist into her mouth to muffle her sobs. She could feel her walls going up again, those walls that had served her so well. She’d been doing perfectly fine at the firm, from her first day, using those walls, and she’d managed to avoid any personal entanglements. All of a sudden, her original rationale for adopting such a posture - which had, over the past few months, started to seem threadbare and bankrupt - suddenly seemed eminently sensible once again, because that was what happened when you got too close to people: you got hurt. It made sense. It really did.

“Mina!”

She’ll be leaving anyway, Mina thought to herself. I’m just moving up the timetable a little bit.

“Mina!”

If there was one thing that she knew about Nayeon, it was that she loved her job. And Mina knew that when it came down to the wire, if Nayeon were to be forced to choose between Mina and her job… she’d choose her job. There wouldn’t be any contest. She’d reached too far, allowed herself to believe that she deserved something more than this, and look where it had got her.

“Mina!”

Mina reached for her remote and switched playlists to something more generic, something more Western. K-Pop hit too close to home, and classical music…

“Mina!”

Mina closed her eyes.

-----

She woke up, a few hours later, in darkness, the playlist on her TV having run its course. She could remember, very faintly, very fuzzily, the sound of people muttering outside her door, and then a series of distant noises. Carefully, with a sense of mounting dread and an acute feeling of unreality, she padded to the door and peeked through the peephole.

There was no one.

She was alone.

The thought struck her as strangely amusing.

“It’s just you and me now,” Mina murmured, running her tongue over her dry lips, unsure of who exactly she was talking to, and went back to the couch.