Archive of Our Own ^beta

bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz

DAVE: fuck

bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz

You can’t face this now. You’re not sure if you can ever face this, goddammit.

bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz

But if you hang up, he’ll know you’re ignoring him on purpose. You just gotta wait it out.

bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz

Deep breath in...

bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz

let it out in a whoosh.

...

The call has finally gone to voicemail. You celebrate your show of restraint by lazily turning onto your back, so you can stare blankly at your ceiling instead of blankly staring at your wall. The movement causes you to topple right off the side of your bed with a squawk.

DAVE: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggh

Slowly, you push yourself into a sitting position. A bleary glance at your alarm tells you that you spent all night doing... well, doing a whole lot of bullshit. Panicking. Having a crisis about your sexuality. Deciding to call Rose and then deciding against it. Crying. You’re pretty sure you fell asleep at some point because you vaguely remember dreaming about Ka–

and there’s the panicking again.

DAVE: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHH

Unfortunately, your groaning can’t distract from your aching stomach. Now that you’ve moved around and woken up for real, you realize that you’re starving. You crawl over to your closet, not wanting to actually stand up just yet. Tossing aside a few boxes reveals several bags of your favorite junk food piled against the closet wall.

DAVE: haha yes
DAVE: another victory for the stash
DAVE: i probably wouldnt have eaten at all if there wasnt food five feet from my bed
DAVE: which means this is clearly the best way to store food and isnt weird at all
DAVE: suck it rose

You decide that you are definitely not going to think about why you started hiding food in your closet all those years ago. You rip open a bag and cram Cheez-Its into your mouth, crunching loudly in an attempt to drown out your thoughts.

It isn’t a very successful attempt.

bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz

This time, you can’t help it. You grab your phone from the bed and jab the decline button, hanging up once and for all on... Kanaya?

DAVE: oh fuck i thought that was
DAVE: oh jeez

Hurriedly, you call her back.

DAVE: strider central reporting for duty
KANAYA: Finally
KANAYA: I Was Beginning To Think Youd Flung Your Phone Right Off The Face Of This Dreary Rock
DAVE: no need to worry maam
DAVE: communication systems are up and running
KANAYA: Are They Now
KANAYA: Because I Have Been Trying To Contact You For Several Hours
DAVE: haha well thats a funny story actu–
KANAYA: I Am Going To Stop You Right There
KANAYA: I Actually Have Something Important To Say And I Am Not In The Mood To Humor Your Antics Today

Your grip on the phone tightens. Karkat must have gone to her immediately after yesterday’s disaster.

DAVE: uh what
DAVE: getting to the point this early in a conversation
DAVE: thats a first for you lol
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: shit
DAVE: not to imply you never talk about important things or whatever
DAVE: you always have super interesting things to talk about that i pay attention to like
DAVE: um
KANAYA: Moving On
KANAYA: I Will Only Say This Once So Listen Closely
KANAYA: If You Hurt Karkat In Any Way I Will Not Hesitate To Tear Out Your Spleen And Wring Your Neck With It
KANAYA: Thats A Promise
DAVE: kanaya what the f
DAVE: aaaaand you hung up on me

Your mouth hangs open for a few seconds. When you notice, you clamp it shut, teeth clacking together in the suddenly deafening silence. Oh man, you’re in such deep shit.

DAVE: yeah
DAVE: ok
DAVE: ok ok ok ok ok
DAVE: maybe i should

You sneak a glance at the door. It looms in your vision, nebulous and foreboding in the darkness.

DAVE: or i can just

Slowly, you retreat into your closet and inch the door shut.

DAVE: yeah
DAVE: yeah this is fine

You toss another Cheez-It into your mouth and decisively click your jaw shut. You bite your tongue.

After several minutes of questioning every decision you’d made that led to holing up in a closet both literally and figuratively after being threatened by a lesbian and a door, three brisk knocks echo through the room.

KANAYA: Open Up Strider

You swallow, heart thumping in your throat.

KANAYA: I Have Decided That Direct Action Is Far More Effective When It Comes To You And Karkat
KANAYA: I Mean You Two Will Avoid This For Sweeps If Nobody Stops You
KANAYA: It Is Incredible Really
KANAYA: How Quickly And Shamelessly Both Of You Will Make Trivial Excuses To Avoid Dealing With The Consequences Of Your Actions
KANAYA: For Instance I Just Told Karkat To
KANAYA: Im Rambling Again Arent I
KANAYA: Im Just Going To Come In Now

She flicks the ceiling lamp on, casting dim light through the crack under the closet door. The twin shadows of her high heels cut through the light, coming to a stop on your shaking knees.

KANAYA: Hello
KANAYA: I Know Youre In Here Somewhere

She pauses.

KANAYA: Wait
KANAYA: Are You Really In Here At All
KANAYA: Or Have I Just Carried Out An Inglorious Invasion Of Your Privacy By Barging Into Your Room On A Whim
KANAYA: Oh Dear I Knew This Was A Mistake

She isn’t going to check in the closet! You pump your fist in silent celebration.

KANAYA: Why Havent I Learned My Lesson Yet
KANAYA: Each And Every Time I Try Something Along The Lines Of Auspisticism It Goes Awry
KANAYA: Why Did I Think It Could Work Out This Time

Her sigh is quiet and dejected. A still moment passes. Then, the shadows on your knees flicker in and out of view as she begins to pace the room.

KANAYA: What Will Happen To Them Without An Auspistice
KANAYA: The Idiots Surely Wont Sort Anything Out By Themselves
KANAYA: Terezi And Vriska Would Not Waste Their Time With Such A Frustrating Endeavor In A Million Sweeps
KANAYA: Rose Doesnt Seem To Take Much Of An Interest In Their Relationship Either
KANAYA: And Gamzee Can Go Choke On That Blasted Puppet For All I Care About Him
KANAYA: Perhaps
KANAYA: The Mayor
KANAYA: Urgh No Thats Ridiculous

The shadows stop moving.

KANAYA: You Know What It Simply
KANAYA: Isnt My Business
KANAYA: Even If I Told Those Two That Each Of Them Is Utterly Infatuated With The Other And Then Proceeded To Lock Them In A Small Room With Only Each Other For Company
KANAYA: They Would Sidestep Having An Actual Goddamn Conversation About It For Jegus Knows How Long
KANAYA: Maybe Theres Just
KANAYA: Nothing I Can Do

With that declaration, you hear the door slam shut. You carefully peek your head out of the closet. She’s nowhere in sight.

DAVE: woo hell yeah i made it out alive
DAVE: escaped the vampires righteous fury
DAVE: wait if it was righteous that means i was in the wrong
DAVE: ok lemme workshop this for a sec

You take a moment to think deeply about your metaphor, which is definitely the most important thing you should be considering right now.

DAVE: righteous what do i replace righteous with
DAVE: righteous
DAVE: righteous
DAVE: rrrr eye dee iss
DAVE: hm maybe i can text rose and bounce ideas off her shes basically a meatspace thesaurus anyway
DAVE: hey rose what words mean righteous but also mean the opposite of righteous
DAVE: david dearest why are you bothering me with such a petty inquiry
DAVE: well its simple see im trying to call your girlfriend evil but i accidentally called myself evil and that cant fly lmao
DAVE: maybe this is a bad plan
DAVE: wait i can
DAVE: just use the thesaurus on my phone
DAVE:
DAVE: ok even i have to admit that was pretty stupid
DAVE: karkat would be all over me for thhhhh

Karkat.

Kanaya said that he’s infatuated with you. Infatuated?

DAVE: haha ok anyway lets get that online thesaurus up and r
DAVE: irrational THERE it is
DAVE: brain finally decided to give me that one huh
DAVE: escaped the vampires irrational fury hell yeah
DAVE: kanayas totally irrational ideas
DAVE: about me
DAVE: talking to

Karkat.

The thought of Karkat being genuinely infatuated with you freaks you out, but the more you think about it, the more it somehow seems to grow on you. A parasite rooting itself in your brain.

You open your mouth again, prepared to talk and talk and talk until that parasite decides to leave you the fuck alone.

bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz

Your head snaps over to your phone, which is lying upside down on your pillow. You leap across the room and snatch it up, holding it close to your face.

On the screen is a picture of an alien with a scowl taking over his face and two beady eyes burying themselves in deep eyebags. An asshole who never stops yelling or complaining or ranting about troll romcoms.

Troll romcoms he diligently explains to you, spending hours upon hours talking about the weirder aspects of Alternian culture just so you can see what he sees in the movies he loves so much. A treasured confidant who listens to all of your bullshit, really listens and engages with you even if you’re babbling nonsense at a mile a minute. A companion who teases you all the time, yet still knows exactly when you want to be taken seriously.

A friend you would trust with anything, and who trusts you in return.

DAVE: karkat

And then he hangs up. His profile picture disappears, and you’re left staring blankly at your lock screen.

You take a shaky breath.

DAVE: hooooo theres
DAVE: really no avoiding this one huh
DAVE: dammit

You wring your free hand in your hair, sinking to the floor. You finally relent, allowing the parasite plaguing you to take full control over your thoughts.

DAVE: infatuation
DAVE: the more i say it the less scary it gets
DAVE: it almost feels
DAVE: good?

Your face is burning, mouth opening and closing as you struggle to voice the thoughts bouncing around your skull.

DAVE: wait kanaya said i was infatuated too
DAVE: is it that obvious that i l
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: shit

You leap up from the floor, nervous energy propelling you to pace around your room.

DAVE: not to imply im in love with karkat hahaha
DAVE: or maybe to imply something like that
DAVE: but not uh THAT its probably just a small gay thing yknow
DAVE: what would being in love even
DAVE: oh jeez

Your instinct to expel your thoughts in incomprehensible word vomit is colliding head on with the mortifying and unspeakable enormity of your feelings, and you can barely handle the tension. Your room isn’t big enough for your frantic pacing anymore, so you fling open the door and take to the winding hallways and corridors outside.

DAVE: theres no way i fell in love with a dude im not gay
DAVE: i liked jade and terezi duh
DAVE: unless im like
DAVE: bisexual or whatever rose called it
DAVE: liking girls and guys doesnt really
DAVE: i mean not that i doubt rose of all people it just doesnt sound
DAVE: right
DAVE: i guess
DAVE: wait but karkat liked terezi and sollux i think
DAVE: are we both bi
DAVE: no but its different for aliens thats normal for him
DAVE: besides wasnt he like spades for sollux that probably works differrrrrr

Your voice trails off, and your spine goes stiff. You had been too distracted to realize that your feet were carrying you straight to Can Town. You’ve emerged in the apartment sector, towering stacks of cans boxing you in on all sides.

And in a side alley right in front of you, curled up so tightly he might disappear into the shadows completely, is Karkat.

The lower half of his face is buried deep into his sweater. Only his bloodshot eyes are visible, and they’re pointed firmly away from you.

A long, tense silence drags on. Your breathing gets quicker and quicker as the walls close in on you.

The two of you start talking at the same time.

DAVE: sorry i didnt mean to
KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU
DAVE: oh shit i didnt mean the thing about sollux i know you dont like talking about him
KARKAT: SHIT SHIT SHIT! IGNORE MY SORRY ASS, YOU PROBABLY AREN’T HERE FOR ME. YOU CAN JUST GO

Seeing Karkat opens the floodgates wide, and words start pouring endlessly out of your mouth. You’re staring at the floor and fidgeting, completely unable to hear what Karkat’s saying over the deafening racket of your anxieties screaming in your head.

DAVE: unless you didnt hear me at all then maybe we can pretend that never happened
KARKAT: OH GOG IS IT BECAUSE I CALLED YOU? THAT WASN’T IMPORTANT, DON’T WORRY, YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO COME HERE TO
DAVE: wait is that insensitive like should i tell you what i was saying i dont wanna hide anything from you
KARKAT: WAIT, ARE YOU HERE TO WORK ON THE APARTMENTS? FUCK ME, MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF AND MY STUPID USELESS ISSUES! ME AND MY VACUOUS, SELF-AGGRANDIZING
DAVE: well im sure you dont wanna hear about it at this point
DAVE: ok ill just shut up about it
DAVE: you and sollux were never in love or hatelove or whatever the f
DAVE: QUADRANTS i forgot about quadrants fuck me
DAVE: those are wack af theres def no way i could work around that
KARKAT: HONESTLY IT’S A WONDER YOU HAVEN’T STOPPED TALKING TO ME YET! I GUESS ONLY AN IDIOT WHOSE BRAIN HAS COMPLETELY ROTTED AWAY COULD STILL BE DISRESPECTING HIMSELF ENOUGH TO INTERACT WITH ME IN ANY CAPACITY.
KARKAT: WOW, I ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, YOU PIECE OF SLIMY SHIT!
DAVE: guess thats not the only issue though
DAVE: theres the super obvious reason that i cant like you because im not gay
DAVE: but
DAVE: even if im not gay
DAVE: maybe i could still be
KARKAT: WAIT, YOU DON’T
KARKAT: LIKE ME?

You’re on the edge of something huge, eyes widening behind your shades, when you hear Karkat’s voice shrink into a shadow of its former size as he hunches even further into himself. It takes you a few seconds to realize what Karkat had just said, and when you do, dread pools in your stomach.

DAVE: no i
DAVE: yes
DAVE: fuck i mean no
DAVE: i just
KARKAT: NO. I GET IT.
KARKAT: DON’T WORRY, YOU DON’T HAVE TO

Karkat’s voice grows more and more strained, and his throat seems to close around his words, holding them in a vice grip. Shuddering, he staggers out of the alley and starts running away, movements jerky and panicked. Like he hasn’t used his legs in several hours, and they’ve fallen asleep underneath him.

DAVE: wait dude i
DAVE: goddammit you cant just hit me with a question like that and expect me to come up with a response on the fly

You start running after Karkat, but turning the first corner reveals six branching paths. You groan.

DAVE: really karkat
DAVE: you just had to hole up in the heart of can metropolis didnt you
DAVE: there are like sixty different ways out of this hellhole
DAVE: i cant even fly here cause all the can stacks reach the low as fuck ceiling
DAVE: fuck me

Sighing, you start blindly chasing after him, darting your way around corners as quickly as you can without knocking down half the city. As your feet race, your mind races even faster, returning to the realization slowly taking root in your brain.

DAVE: bisexual
DAVE: i can just
DAVE: like girls and boys
DAVE: no need for bros before hoes anymore i got both of them mackin on me haha
DAVE: damn if thats really allowed ill bite
DAVE: ok im bi now

The words spark something in your chest, something fresh and wild. It takes you back to a moment you had during the last few hours you spent in your old apartment.

Bro had already finished with you, flying off on his hoverboard and leaving your bruised and battered body to lie on the roof. As you lay there, baking in the midday heat, you noticed a little blue flower growing out of a crack in the concrete. You had never seen signs of life on that roof before, and you had assumed it was impossible for life to exist in such an awful place until that very moment. You aren’t sure why, but it gave you the strength to push past your exhaustion and lift your phone above your head to text John.

The feeling growing in your heart right now feels just like that flower from so long ago.

DAVE: wow that feels really
DAVE: nice

Your face, normally as hard and lifeless as that old concrete roof, finally cracks into the tiniest smile. It’s so little, you’re fairly certain that only one person knows your face well enough to notice it at all.

Karkat!

For the first time, you allow the feelings lurking deep inside your chest to blossom, to tear through their confines and fill your whole body with life. It’s your first breath of fresh air after years of living on the stagnant meteor, and your smile grows bigger.

You think about his hair, thick and scruffy and oh so soft, and your heart flutters. Your fingers twitch as let yourself imagine running them through his curls. You remember each and every time he’s smiled in front of you, the way his tiny fangs peek past his lips, and your face turns beet red.

You picture his eyes – his expressive eyes with just a hint of red shining through the black irises – and you’re on top of the world. Your feet drift off the floor and you’re flying through the can streets, riding your electric surge of emotion like a wave.

Soon enough, the walls restricting your movement fall away, and you burst out of Can Metropolis. You take a moment to coast over the little can houses that make up Can Suburbia, letting your momentum dissipate as you relax.

It isn’t long before you spot Karkat. He’s still running, headed for the Can Town exit closest to his room. You only hesitate for a split second before zooming after him, catching him on the shoulder right before he leaves.

DAVE: dude

He wrenches his shoulder out of your grip, and backs up several steps. He looks completely heartbroken, and doesn’t look up at you. His eyes shimmer with what look like tears. Your heart feels like it might split right down the middle at the sight.

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU DOING??
KARKAT: DUMBASS. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO GET AWAY!
DAVE: what
DAVE: why tf would i do that
KARKAT: DON’T.
DAVE: dont what
KARKAT: DON’T ACT LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!
KARKAT: DO YOU JUST WANT TO MAKE THIS WORSE FOR ME????

His voice is cracked around the edges, throat hoarse. You feel yourself sink, your feet meeting solid ground, as you realize how badly yesterday affected him.

KARKAT: I ALREADY KNOW HOW UNBEARABLE I AM TO BE AROUND. YOU MADE THAT VERY CLEAR YESTERDAY, SO PLEASE DON’T RUB IT IN.
DAVE: karkles that wasnt
KARKAT: DON’T CALL ME THAT!!!!!
DAVE: fuck yeah sorry
DAVE: not the time for pet names
KARKAT: JUST LET ME GET THIS OVER WITH.

He takes a deep breath, tensing his whole body up and grimacing.

KARKAT: I KNOW I THREW A BIG FUCKING FIT YESTERDAY, SO MAYBE YOU THINK I DIDN’T QUITE HEAR WHAT YOU TOLD ME OVER MY YELLING.
KARKAT: BUT I HEARD YOU. LOUD AND CLEAR.
KARKAT: YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED! I GET IT, I REALLY DO!
KARKAT: TRUST ME, OUT OF ANYONE YOU COULD POSSIBLY ASK IN THE ENTIRETY OF PARADOX SPACE, I’M THE ONE WHO BEST UNDERSTANDS THE VAST MULTITUDE OF REASONS YOU WOULD NEVER WANT ME.
KARKAT: I MEAN, IT’S A LAUGHABLE IDEA! WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE EVER DATE SOMEBODY LIKE *ME*????

He chokes back a sob. You can’t listen to this anymore.

DAVE: karkat please just stop
KARKAT: I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE TRIED BRINGING IT UP!
KARKAT: GOD, WHAT A DESPICABLE MOVE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!
KARKAT: YOU CLEARLY DON’T EVER WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN, WHY COULDN’T I SEE THAT???
DAVE: no thats not what i mean
KARKAT: OH, OF COURSE! WOW, THIS IS PRETTY DENSE, EVEN FOR ME!!
KARKAT: YOU DON’T LIKE BOYS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! WHAT THE HELL IS *WRONG* WITH ME?!?!
KARKAT: I SHOULD NEVER HAVE CONFESSED AT ALL!!!!!!!

He collapses to the floor, shaking as he shoves his face into his hands, gasping for breath.

DAVE: no no no no no no no
DAVE: youve got this all wrong karkat please listen to me
DAVE: youre not annoying i love spending time with you
DAVE: being around you is actually one of my favorite pastimes
DAVE: and uh
DAVE: i like you a lot

You thought Karkat would be moved, but he barely reacts, only sighing like he’s carrying the weight of universes on his hunched shoulders.

KARKAT: DAVE, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS.
KARKAT: YOU DON’T WANT TO TRAP YOURSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME OUT OF SOME TWISTED SENSE OF PITY. TRUST ME.
DAVE: i swear thats not why im saying it
KARKAT: SURE.
DAVE: if you dont wanna believe it ill fuckin prove it to you
KARKAT: HA. OKAY.

His voice is resigned and brittle, and you can tell he’s completely given up. He’s denying your feelings outright because he can’t fathom a world where he deserves to be loved.

You’re determined to prove him wrong.

DAVE: ok lets start from the top
DAVE: the thing you said about me not liking boys
KARKAT: BECAUSE OF YOUR HUMAN SEXUALITY OR SOMETHING.
KARKAT: AND ALSO BECAUSE I’M A CLINGY USELESS DICKWAD WHO HAS NO REAL PURPOSE OTHER THAN TO SPOUT A WRETCHED STREAM OF CONTINUOUS
DAVE: bullshit
KARKAT: EXACTLY.
DAVE: no not you
DAVE: the only bullshit here is that whole human sexuality thing

Slowly, carefully, you walk closer to him and sit down. You make sure to leave a couple feet of room, but you’re close enough to touch him now.

DAVE: i liked jade back before the game
DAVE: and when i met terezi i liked her too
DAVE: thats always been my excuse for not being gay
DAVE: but tbh i was being a dumbass and conveniently ignoring that maybe i could like girls and also like boys
DAVE: rose has talked about it before and apparently humans used to call it being bi

At this, Karkat tilts his head to peek up at you. You can tell he’s starting to listen more closely.

DAVE: idk why exactly i ignored her before
DAVE: but ive been thinking about it today and
DAVE: it fits me really well
KARKAT: OH.

You let out a dry chuckle, surprising Karkat.

DAVE: looking back its actually pretty obvious
DAVE: even before i met you i had it so bad for john lmao
KARKAT: “HAD.”
DAVE: hey now

Karkat props his face on his hands. He still looks downcast, but at least he seems engaged in what you’re telling him.

DAVE: so do you believe me now
KARKAT: JUST BECAUSE YOU’VE HAD FEELINGS FOR ONE BOY DOESN’T MEAN YOU WOULD EVER HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME.
KARKAT: I MEAN, I’M TOO DIFFICULT TO HANDLE ANYWAY. MY EMOTIONS ARE WAY OUT OF CHECK.
KARKAT: DIDN’T I MENTION YESTERDAY THAT I JUST CAN’T DO QUADRANTS FOR SOME STUPID REASON?
DAVE: man fuck quadrants
DAVE: its not like i wanna do them either
KARKAT: SURE, BUT TROLLS ARE MEANT TO USE THE QUADRANT SYSTEM!
KARKAT: IF LEFT UNCHECKED, OUR FEELINGS RUN WILD AND THAT’S TOO MUCH WORK TO ASK ANYONE TO DEAL WITH.
DAVE: and thats just more bullshit

You lean forward to get his attention, to make sure he understands what you’re trying to get across.

DAVE: look at rose and kanaya
KARKAT: THEY’RE MATESPRITS.
DAVE: not exactly
DAVE: like yeah theyre a pair of gross lovebirds but thats not all
DAVE: sometimes im talking to them like normal and then they start making little jabs and offhand comments about each other that spiral into a full out sarcasm war
DAVE: i leave pretty quickly when that starts happening bc i think they start making out after a while
DAVE: i dont get troll romance that well but if that isnt textbook kismesissitude idk what is
KARKAT: THAT’S JUST VACILLATION, WHICH HAPPENS ALL THE TIME BETWEEN THE CONCUPISCENT QUADRANTS.
DAVE: but the rules of vacillation say that they gotta pick one or the other eventually
DAVE: does that really seem likely to happen
KARKAT: ...

You can practically hear the gears in his head turning as he racks his brain for another excuse.

DAVE: see they dont care about quadrants and theyre perfectly fine
DAVE: they’re like the picture of a healthy relationship
KARKAT: WHAT? NO THEY’RE NOT.
DAVE: uh yeah they are
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?
KARKAT: KANAYA HASN’T EVEN TALKED TO ROSE ABOUT HER DRINKING PROBLEM YET.
KARKAT: FUCK, ROSE ACTS LIKE IT ISN’T A PROBLEM AT ALL!!
DAVE: wait really
DAVE: but kanayas like a badass didnt she yell at rose about it like immediately
KARKAT: IF SHE HAD CONFRONTED ROSE, DON’T YOU THINK SHE WOULD HAVE STOPPED DRINKING BY NOW???
DAVE: oh
DAVE: so kanayas too nervous to confront rose
DAVE: you know that kinda explains why she was acting so weird earlier
KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT?

At that comment, Karkat sits up straight and squints at you, pinning you in place with the intensity of his gaze.

KARKAT: HAVE YOU TALKED TO KANAYA TODAY?
DAVE: yeah she came to my room
DAVE: she was about to beat me up for being so shitty to you yesterday
DAVE: sorry about that btw your confession kinda caught me off guard and i didnt mean anything i said
KARKAT: YEAH YEAH, BACK TO KANAYA!
DAVE: uh i think she said something about being a terrible auspistice and not being able to help us
DAVE: and then kinda just left
KARKAT: HOLY SHIT! IS SHE OKAY??
DAVE: yknow in retrospect probably not

Karkat smacks his forehead, groaning.

KARKAT: YOU BUMBLING FOOL. I HAVE TO GO TALK TO HER!
DAVE: wait wait before you do that
DAVE: we were talking about like quadrants and shit right
KARKAT: YEAH. FUCK, SORRY.
KARKAT: YOU KNOW, THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY TIME I’LL EVER SAY THIS, BUT YOU MAY ACTUALLY HAVE A POINT ABOUT ALL THAT.
DAVE: fuck yeah
KARKAT: BUT...

Karkat deflates a little, gazing wistfully at the floor.

KARKAT: I JUST CAN’T WRAP MY HEAD AROUND YOU ACTUALLY LIKING ME.
KARKAT: IT’S LIKE, EVERY TIME I START TO THINK IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE, I REMEMBER ALL THE PEOPLE WHO’VE DIED BECAUSE OF ME.
KARKAT: WHICH TENDS TO CRUSH THAT DREAM PRETTY QUICKLY.
KARKAT: I MEAN, MY CONFESSION YESTERDAY WAS KIND OF A MIRACLE?
KARKAT: UGH, NOT A MIRACLE. SLAP ME IF I EVER USE THAT WORD AGAIN.
KARKAT: TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY, I REALLY SURPRISED MYSELF. I NEVER THOUGHT I’D WORK UP THE NERVE TO BE SO BRAVE.
KARKAT: BUT EVEN THAT BRAVERY FADED QUICKLY. LOOK AT ME NOW.
KARKAT: I’M TRYING TO BELIEVE YOU, BUT IT’S HARD. I’M SORRY.

You falter at the depth and enormity of Karkat’s self-hatred. What could you possibly say against that?

While you think, the two of you sit in silence. After chatting for a while, the space between you feels comfortable and relaxed again, and any awkwardness is long gone.

It reminds you of all the late nights you’ve spent watching romcoms and shitty Earth flicks with Karkat, snuggled under the same blanket and pretending not to notice when you brushed against each other while reaching for grubcorn.

One time, Karkat drifted off in the middle of Good Luck Chuck and leaned against your shoulder as he slept. You remember peeking at his face and being amazed to find a smile resting there. It made you so happy to see him peaceful for once.

Suddenly, it clicks.

DAVE: ok then
DAVE: lemme try something else

You look at him closely, and he meets your gaze. His eyes are so much more beautiful in person than they were in his profile picture, and you can’t help but smile.

He looks delighted to see you smile so earnestly, and you swear his eyes start to sparkle.

DAVE: i fuckin love spending time with you
DAVE: talking to you is like
DAVE: its like someone turning a light on in my chest
DAVE: even when im teasing you and youre insulting me it feels so nice just getting to spend time with you
DAVE: and i guess you make me feel safe
DAVE: like nothing bad can get to me when im with you

Your face is burning and it’s getting very difficult to be so tooth-achingly sincere, but the traces of hope surfacing in Karkat’s expression keep you going.

DAVE: and wow when i grab your hand to pull you up from the couch it feels like a goddamn firework under my skin
DAVE: i feel so much more for you than i ever felt about jade or terezi or even john
DAVE: youre so important to me i have no clue what id do without you around
DAVE: in fact the more i talk about it the more it sounds like i dont just like you
DAVE: karkat i think
DAVE: i think i might be in love with you

A beat.

DAVE: WHOA fuck
DAVE: i uh
DAVE: did not mean to say all that haha
DAVE: or more specifically the end of all that
DAVE: sorry i didnt mean to

You’re cut off by a loud sob. You jerk your head up to see tears running down Karkat’s face. He’s beaming at you. Your heart skips a beat at the sight, and you shut up immediately.

KARKAT: YOU REALLY MEAN IT, HUH.
DAVE: one hundred percent
KARKAT: (:B

And then he tackles you, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing you tight.

He’s warmer than you could have possibly imagined. You curl around him and tuck your head into his neck, and his warmth surrounds you, protecting you from the world outside. It makes you feel grounded and secure, yet at the same time, you feel like you’re soaring through the sky. You melt into his embrace, and faintly realize that you’ve started sobbing just as hard as Karkat.

You want nothing more than to stay in his arms forever.

DAVE: hey karkles
KARKAT: YEAH?
DAVE: can we just lie here for like
DAVE: a few hours

He thinks for a moment.

KARKAT: WELL, IT’S NOT LIKE WE HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO.
DAVE: amen to that :)