Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Barely surviving a vampire attack on his own hadn’t been considered to ever count to his achievements – lying tied up in the back of a wooden horse-drawn carriage even less.

The creatures hadn’t left many humans alive. The silent, blood splattered alleys he had been lead through had revealed such to him. He and the few others they had chosen were the only ones still breathing among them, but as fear and adrenaline are known for changing people’s mechanisms and minds, they were reducing as their journey continued.

By focusing on his breathing, he shielded his ears from the agonizing cries of the others. Just that the longer he counted his inhales, the quieter the inside of the carriage became. As a dark fabric had been wrapped over his eyes, he couldn’t see, but he figured the silenced would plead and cry no more in this life.

He gulped as a picture flashed before his eyes.

Vampires didn’t like squirming, uncontrollable beings. He had noticed their anger toward those back at his village. Some had been crying or begging for their lives, but their screams had been silenced. An even crueller fate had awaited those who had put up a fight and pointed their weapons at the enemy. What the vampires had left behind could only be described as the vague remains of human flesh.

All those who hadn’t reacted in any irritating way had been spared from their barbarous slaughtering. He, himself, had simply waited for his turn in the corner of the room, observing as they sliced through anyone who resisted. Just as the room had quieted completely, a feeling of hope had struck him, but those piercing, hungry eyes had turned toward him.

One of them had approached him. She had pulled him to his feet by his throat, a burn on his jaw as he felt her claws just so missing his bones. Trashing at her wrists, a weak and futile act of helplessness, he had remained quiet. After a swift glance across his face, she had dropped him and commanded the others to bring him to a carriage.

The wheels were creaking under him, and his back ached from the rattling it needed to endure. The turn they had taken earlier had led them onto unused stony roads. Judging from the noise of the horses’ feet, gravel was at fault for making him bump against the hard floor over and over.

As the noise stopped and the motion halted, he sighed a breath of relief, but yelped quietly when someone picked him up. The vampire threw him over what he supposed to be a shoulder and carried him away. He figured they’d entered a building as warmer, softer air came to surround him, and refrained from shifting in the unknown person’s arms. His own were tied behind his back, his legs were bound, and without his eyesight any imprudent movement was useless.

When the person placed him on the floor, he jumped lightly, the chilliness of some tiles like a rival against the softness he had encountered just seconds before. Some time passed before someone untied him. He rushed into a sitting position, his nails scratching against the tiles, and flinched when the blindfold fell to the floor at his side.

The lighting inside the building was dim and demanded little time to adjusted why he quickly spotted two men talking a few metres away. However, the content of the conversation remained unattainable. His head just wouldn’t do what it was supposed to. Reason and cooperativity only met his mind when one of them gestured to the other villagers sitting to his sides.

’The boss offered us one of today’s prey, you’re trying to say?’

’Yes, sir. The boss was highly pleased with your work the other day. It’s offered as a gift’, the other man explained and bowed down slightly.

The supposed ‘sir’ walked toward the line of humans, a smile on his lips as he starting strolling back and forth. ’The rest will be held among the others?’

He was as pale as most folklore and veteran adventurers described vampires in their detailed stories and manuscripts. Yet they seemed irrelevant upon personal encounter with the creature. No words could’ve possessed enough meaning to convey the unnaturalness of his skin tone, shining even more brightly against his dark-brown hair. What they captured even less was the piercing red of his gaze.

His clothing firmly wrapped around his body. Each sling of them defined his muscles just as he desired. Seemingly, it seemed impossible for the fabric to do anything but stretch across his bones and curves. Much in contrast, a loose blouse and a leather belt were swinging with his steps. The blouse was fluttering gracefully and created a swaying rush of air as if wind blew through these quiet halls.

’Correct, sir. I’ll bring them downstairs as soon as you’ve made your decision’, the other man answered from his position far at the end.

The vampire continued to stroll in a line in front of his offerings as the man on the floor was following the swing of his amulet. Fascinated by its repetitiveness, looking like an old and heavy pendulum clock, he couldn’t take a hold of his thoughts, his mind blank.

’My eyes,’ the vampire whispered dangerously close to him, ’are what you should be searching for if you want to convince me.’

He was crouching barely an armlength away from him, but the man only noticed when his eyes jerked at his words.

’What struck your interest down there I wonder?’ he added and harshly grabbed him by the chin after he had tried to avert his glance.

’This one hasn’t spoken a single word since we found him, sir,’ the other vampire piped up and took a step toward them.

’Some of us wouldn’t mind that.’ He smirked and slowly stroked his finger over the pulsing artery on his throat. ’And the others will get him to talk. I’ll take this one, Sengen.’

The vampire blindfolded him and tied his hands at his chest before he took him into his arms. As they ascended a staircase, the man only caught the footsteps of his lost companions from below. With every step, they quieted in his ears.

He winced as a door viciously creaked at him, his fingers cramping around the vampire’s collar. Once they stepped over the threshold, he was immediately dropped to the floor, his skin meeting something soft. He jerked back up, his head unnecessarily turning to catch a glance at it. As he supposed it to be a mattress, he calmed, knowing that nothing harmful was brushing over his skin. Carefully, he let his body sink into it.

’I’ve never heard of food that’s directly delivered to our chamber,’ a voice spoke from far away in the room.

Someone plumped down right in front of him, and a strong hand pushed his head down on the mattress. ’It doesn’t really matter as long as we can drink, does it?’

’It’s a gift,’ the man who brought him up here explained.

The push against his head loosened, and a hot breath sailed over his throat. It felt hesitate.

’Supposedly from the boss,’ he continued, filling the room with confusion. His voice was dripping with doubt as the other two silently awaited instructions.

’But a gift means we get to keep it, right? It’s like ours, right?’ another voice piped up.

His stomach churned suddenly. His arms were throbbing behind his back, and anxiety gripped his mind as he figured that there was another of them inside the room with him. He forgot to breathe, and choked quietly, a tremble around his arms, a chatter placed on his teeth.

’You think it’s a test?’ someone else asked, ignoring the other question that had arisen.

’No, but…it just doesn’t quite add up. We are low on livestock and just last week the errors within the suppliance chain..,’ the known vampire responded.

The pressure on his head strengthened again, before the vampire snapped at them, ’Can’t we just accept it? Normally, twenty soldiers feed off one human before it dies…just imagine how much blood we’d get with one of our own.’

’I fear if none of us does anything about him right now, he’ll pass out,’ another voice pointed out.

His tremble had increased with every further voice popping up, but he hadn’t noticed. Knowledge now involved, his muscles seemed to tense abnormally harsh.

’Let me untie it, let me, let me!’ The excited vampire was next to him still before the statement had ended and pushed the hand off his scalp.

The restraints on his arms loosened, followed by his legs, and he pulled away still before the blindfold snapped in half. He glanced after it as it sailed and died at the mattress. When he looked up, several pairs of eyes were staring at him, and he hastened for the known ones among them.

’Why is it shaking? Is it sick?’ the one who had untied him wanted to know and tried to hold him down by his arms.

’That’s because he’s scared, get away from him!’ someone blurted out and rushed to his side.

’Why are you all making such a fuss about it? Let’s just take the offering if you insist and suck it dry.’

The vampire leapt forward, his hand entangling with his messy hair again. He yanked his head to the side, and opened his mouth, something sharp glistening from within.

A simple, harsh ’don’t’ was all it took, and he paused, looking over his shoulder. When their eyes locked, he removed his hand.

’We will keep it alive for the time being,’ the known vampire continued.

’That means we can’t fucking suck its blood?’

He walked and crouched down next to the others. ’I never said that, but since it’s a present…why not keep it?’

’I don’t like that idea,’ the other complained again, earning himself approval from the vampire across the room, his nose just barely rising above the book in his hands.

’But you can’t just kill it!’ the one clinging to his arm protested and hugged him even tighter.

Trying to pull away from their harsh grasp, his gaze flickered at the red-coloured glance to his front. Already resting on him, the gaze was dripping with a weirdly saturated shade, colours seeming to move, a stare.

He gulped as the vampire played with a smile. His mien tightened, a furrow devouring the sparkle in his eyes. ’If he had to act like we want him to, everyone could benefit of him a bit longer.’

He flinched as the one who’d held him down earlier rose from his spot, leaping across the room with furrowed lines across his forehead. An ache in his temple, quiet, but persistent as he glanced after him, and dryness on his lips. He’d die right here wouldn’t he bring his tongue to stop trembling, his thoughts nowhere near helpful.

‘Are you sure? He doesn’t look too well,’ the one to his side mumbled, carefully pulling the tight grip on his arms off him. He earned a pout from the other vampire, but they kept their hands away. ‘Or would you want to try another –‘

’Fine – ‘ a book closed with a bang as the other vampire interrupted him, standing up from his divan and trotting off into a hallway – ‘do whatever you think is best.’

The red ring’s shade changed, faltered at the tiny sigh protruding over the vampire’s lips. ‘Laxseau, don’t just – ‘

He was cut off by the bang of a door falling shut.

Fingers clasped around his arm again, less excited eyes blinking at him. ‘Lax doesn’t like humans, but that’s okay…you’ll just need to leave him alone.’

‘Can’t say that I’m much thrilled about them either,’ the one who’d distanced himself commented, waving his hand in the air as he leaned over the backrest of a chair.

A sigh dropped from the vampire to his side, a reach in his hand as he got up. ‘Deengar, let’s leave.’

‘What are you –…hey, Taeslir, I’ll –‘ he tried to protest, but fell silent as the other pulled him along.

‘Liu, let go of him,’ the one who’d seemed worried for him, the only one so, said and pulled on the other vampire’s arm again. Unable to pull them off, their stare too deep and lost in the human’s face, he raised his voice and hand to their shoulder. ‘Tarliu, I said you should –‘

‘Don’t use that name…that’s disgusting.’ They turned to him, fingers slipping off skin that’d been clawed sore. ‘Name’s Liu, nothing more.’

‘Yes…yes, I know, just – ‘ he fell silent as Liu jumped up and headed into the same direction as the others, the quick wave of their hand accompanied by the request to keep the human. With a sigh, he turned to the other.

He didn’t remove his glance from the human. ‘I’ll handle it, Yppha.’

Yppha didn’t budge, a silent zest sparking in his hand, fright. He didn’t reach for him, earning himself a weak smile as his head turned.

‘Didn’t you want to look at the book I’d retrieved from the raid?’ His eyes lit up, sparkling colour circling his iris, his smile twitching.

As Yppha eyed the human, he dropped the gesture, studying his stare instead, Yppha’s light features distorted by a frown, hazed. He stood up with another glance at the other, his breathing deepened. ‘I’d like to keep him as well.’

He smiled again. ‘That’s what I’d wanted to do.’

Yppha nodded before he turned around, the uncertain bobbing still present in his silent walk into another room.

The man was glancing after him, the air feeling loose now that he’d left, too loose. He jumped at a chill touch on his jaw, a set of fingers pulling his glance away. As their eyes locked, he pulled his wrist from his lap, pinning it against the mattress, a lean balanced on his knee. ‘What’s it with the staring again? Do you even capture anything you’re glancing at?’

His breath rose to his throat as the other leaned even closer, stemming his weight against his wrist. At a tiny jerk of his head, the mien in front of him dulled, the tilted head returning to a more composed position.

‘Relax, tell me your name.’

He didn’t answer as the vampire traced his nails over his neck again, his stare closing in on the pulsing string on his throat. As his breath hit his skin, he bit his lip, his eyes fluttering now that his jaw couldn’t.

A squeeze made his wrist ache. ‘I won’t repeat myself.’

’Just…– just Lou,’ he choked, air bursting in a breath he didn’t want to take..

The vampire pulled back, a raised eyebrow lessening his threatening stare. ‘Just?’

Lou gulped, dryness sliding down his throat. ‘It’s Lobod, but … Lou is – it’s Lou.’

The vampire’s lip twitched with a smile, but it didn’t form as his glance fell on Lou’s neck again. A pierce too dangerous to be directed at his artery. ‘Tell me then, Lou. You get to decided. Do you think you could – no, no…quiet –‘

He placed his hand around Lou’s throat, pressing his thumb against his jaw to pull his glance back to him. As Lou remained in place, he let go, only fluttering breaths filling the space in front of him, a needle in his throat with each that forced itself out of him.

‘I’d find it quite saddening to waste such an interesting opportunity as…- ‘ he traced his fingers over Lou’s throat again, not finishing his sentence, his hand trailing off into his hair. He pulled and made him expose his neck – ‘but it’s your choice. If you accept, I want you to answer ‘Yes, Radeel’. It’s that easy.’

Lou gasped as Radeel leaned closer, his breath on his throat, sailing right to the spot where his heartbeat had slipped to, his thoughts thumping with the vessel. Instead of answering, he whimpered quietly at the claw tracing over his lower arm, Radeel adjusting his grip, goosebumps crawling like spiders.

He was too close.

His breath made him lose the determination to keep up his pride and die like he had expected to since his capture, running over him like a needle scratching over the first layers off his skin. He’d seen fangs flashing through their speech earlier, and his eyes watered, not daring to try them, burning.

Radeel had said something, he’d admitted being curious, he mused, of being interested in him. A tiny spark – too bright in his own heart with his blood rushing like this. One little thought. Affecting him all too easily.

’Yes…Radeel –‘ he barely breathed the last syllable of his name when he acted, fangs flashing just above his skin, not hovering long.

Deadly and deeply. Sinking into soft flesh.

Lou jerked under Radeel, kicking his legs, but only hit an unyielding knee, a stronger lean into him. He only noticed he’d cried out as Radeel cupped his mouth with his palm, his eyes widening, losing breath. A tear stung his eyes, and he tried to blink, drown the throbbing inside his ears, a wet noise whirring beneath it.

No breath.

A dizziness enclouded his senses. Darkness. Like a dusty haze.

Chapter Text

Within less than a week, Lou had changed his mind about the situation. Aimlessly reminiscing, he tried to recall what he had felt flowing through his veins that day on the mattress. He couldn’t distinguish between what had been his thoughts and what only existed in that treacherous throb of his heart.

What he knew was that his feelings of curiosity and willingness had vanished, unlike the others’. Theirs had only grown. Had continuously relit with the warm liquid throwing through his body. Like a reminder, their fangs pierced him over and over, barely ever sucking, only tasting – toying with him. They sent his mind right back to the day he had woken up on the mattress, a headache tormenting his temple.

Yppha had talked to him, handing him some clothes. Yet that exchange had been their only encounter as Yppha had disappeared behind a corner at the far end of the room. A different one hadn’t followed. No, Lou hadn’t seen Yppha or Radeel until two days later when he was lying on the mattress, neither alive nor completely dead at that time.

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He was covered in bruises and bite marks, hardly any strength left in his muscles, and staring at the ceiling. As he eyed the horizontal plain, he feared his chest would give up on rising and simply succumb to the pain. That ache within him mostly bloomed from his bites, the bruises didn’t bother him anymore, though he suspected had he touched one of them, he’d arouse their paining spirit once more. Yet he couldn’t have moved a finger to do that.

He heard some frenzied shouting somewhere in the room, but his head wouldn’t tilt no matter how hard he tried. He couldn’t even yelp anymore when someone picked him up from the mattress. He’d have sighed in relief, his vision finally parting from the old ceiling, but as he was forced to glance at a pale neck the noise died within his throat. After all, the collarbones his head rested on were just as lifeless.

What plagued him most about this situation was that he couldn’t ascertain the time that had passed. He’d only spotted two windows at the far end of the room, but they were hidden by curtains and additionally secured with shutters. Unable to tell day from night, his concept of time consisted of him counting the times he had fallen asleep and awoken. But under current circumstances he wouldn’t have been surprised if he had miscounted.

He wasn’t less unsurprised when Radeel carried him into a room with no windows. The vampire sat him down on something hard and low, like a wooden stool, and Lou jumped at the new position. The new environment also triggered his system, and he jolted upward, his breaths fleeing him. He tumbled over his reawakened thoughts.

Radeel turned around and grabbed him by the shoulders, gluing him to the spot. ‘I’ll clean up your wounds. Sit back down.’

He shoved him into the chair once more, but swiftly turned around and filled a small bathtub with water. He watched attentively as he kept the water level just slightly above the bottom of the tub.

‘No! No, I can do that myself!’ Lou jumped from the stool, but immediately needed to sit back down as he rubbed his hand over his head.

He winced when Radeel pushed against his shoulders again, holding him in place. He locked their eyes, looking at him for the first time since that night when he had uttered his name. ‘You can’t even get yourself to sit properly. Sit down and shut up.’

He stood up and sighed, but continued as he poured something over the thin film of water, ‘I won’t leave you in such a state where you’ll pass out sooner or later.’

Radeel looked over his shoulder, and Lou nodded – the red dropping so warningly. They didn’t share another word after Lou had entered the tub. Radeel tried to scrub off the dried blood around his cuts and bite marks, but stopped whenever Lou flinched from the pressure or the sting of the soap. Not a breath later, he was onto the next spot.

After they were finished, Lou stumbled back to the main room, the others waiting. Yppha told him, or Radeel, his glance didn’t specifically rest on him, that he had explained how a human body functioned. Everyone agreed to not leave him without food anymore.

The remaining three days didn’t look all too different. He got supplies and sufficient sleep, but their behaviour was slowly making him lose his mind. They only noticed his presence whenever they wanted to take a drink or let out their anger on him. Mostly in combination with each other. When he tried to talk through to them, they told him off or he got a punch.

His sanity was the reason he grasped a plan. He wanted to keep it.

His only chance lay in an escape. And he waited, waited all week long to finally catch some useful information from their conversations.

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’We can’t dismiss his arrival – none of us,’ Radeel said to the others who had gathered around the table.

They usually didn’t pay attention to Lou during their discussions, but he studied each of them whenever he got the chance to. As they didn’t handle sensitive information or any important topics in front of him anyway, he didn’t have a clear notion of what was going on, but he had figured that someone was supposed to visit them. A name had popped up several times in the past few days.

’We’re only obligated to attend an appearance of the boss…should that ever happen,’ Lax mentioned from his spot on the small couch next to them. He rarely sat with them and if he raised his voice, he would for a disagreement.

’If it’s the boss’ direct subordinate who wants to check on the storage and the henchmen’s correct proceedings, I believe he’s considered a representative,’ Radeel responded and earned silence of the other man. The topic was dropped, Lax didn’t agree – never – he just didn’t disagree any longer.

’So, Treces is really going to be the one coming?’ Liu piped up and jumped from the chair. ’Will he provide us with supplies again? Like the ones last time?’

’The letter stated that, yes,’ Radeel explained and leaned forward, ’and if your second question is the case, then he’ll not do so unintentionally. Instructions are always given to us if he delivers.’

’And we’ll be able to get closer to the boss if he’s delivering another job on the documents we discussed?’ Taeslir half concluded, half questioned.

’I doubt it will get us closer to the boss, but if our work was to their liking, we’ll be granted an audience eventually.’

Lax’ glance briefly rose from his book, but he swiftly looked down on it again as he questioned, ’That’s still the goal?’

’It’s been and will be,’ Radeel said and looked at him before he got up.

’What are we gonna do about the human?’ Deengar asked and glanced at Lou over the rest of his chair.

Everyone froze in place and turned to face him. He was sitting on his mattress, seemingly unsuspicious, with a book in his hand. (Yppha had given it to him, saying it would ease his mind. He did appreciate it, but he knew Yppha only wanted to shake him off his tail. After all, he was the only one who didn’t threaten him when asking something of him.)

Yppha sighed and sat back down, ’He can’t really get anywhere, can he?’

He brushed some blond strands out of his face, their ends close to his eyes, and leaned against his fist.

’Can I break its leg to make sure, Radeel?’ Liu asked and clasped their hands into a fist in front of their chest. Radeel didn’t answer, but something else must’ve happened that Lou didn’t notice because Liu sighed and plumped to the floor.

Taeslir stood from his place and walked to Radeel’s side. His arms crossed before he suggested, ’How about chaining him down?’

He turned to glance at Radeel and fumbled with a black strand of his hair. It curled down his temple while the rest was neatly bound to a thin tail at the side of his neck. As he met Radeel’s glance, he dropped the gesture, and placed his hands on the edge of the table, leaning against it.

Lou eyed him just a second too long to notice that Radeel’s glance fell on him once more. Captivated by the golden light shimmering off Taeslir’s brown skin, Lou blinked several times, trying to ascertain if the phenomenon truly sparked from the light or if some film lay over his skin. He was distracted all to easily; stories hadn’t told of darker-skinned vampires, and he appreciated the change of sight. He looked more human than the rest of them.

’No’, Radeel answered and pushed away from the table before walking over to Lou and crouching down. ’We’ll simply tell him.’

Lou turned to face him, but the look in Radeel’s eyes immediately threw him off and he looked away again.

Radeel tipped against his chin, a smirk on his lips, but a lock on his eyes. The expression was cold despite the joyful gesture. ’If he thinks it’s for his own good to try and run off we won’t stop him.’

Lou gulped as he eyed him, a somewhat expecting twirl at the corner of Radeel’s upper lip.

’He won’t do that!’ Liu popped up from behind the table and rushed forward. ’It promised to behave. So, if I say he must stay, that’s what he’ll do.’

’Well, we told him to not run away. Let’s see’, Radeel said, got up and walked off to his room. He flung his hand into the air before disappearing. ’Meeting’s at eleven.’

They left one after the other, leaving Lou on his own. He stuck his nose into the book in his hand as soon as they were out of sight and lay down to hide the shaking muscles he couldn’t cover with the object. Still, he’d see through with it. Death was unwanted, but he couldn’t live this close to it for the rest of his life either.

At least, he couldn’t regret not having tried.

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They had left. Lou had waited.

He hesitated to open the door to the hallway. Eyeing the golden knob, he took a breath, but immediately shook his head and started pacing back and forth again. He’d been at this procedure for some minutes now, starting anew whenever doubt decided to creep into his head, his plan immediately crumbling. What if they made all of it up and waited on the other side? Or could there be another room behind the door? Would it lead him right to his doom?

He'd already lost so much time.

His hand was shaking. He couldn’t remember what his fingers felt like without the tremble. He gritted his teeth and shook his head again. He’d need to, no matter what. After all, he had counted the hours, or tried to count them, until they all left. Yet with the awaited moment right at hand his body refused him. A single touch on the knob would’ve sufficed, he was certain, but it was shining so dangerously under his glance. Like an invitation.

Lou shook his head; he’d manage.

He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, throwing his hand on the knob. As if it was on fire, a spark twizzled through his fingers. Struck with a zest for action, he yanked it open and revealed a broad hallway.

He exhaled. His entire lung. Then, he rushed out of the room.

The heaviness in his chest had vanished, his heart pounding with sweet particles of hope. Yet as every turn he took revealed another hallway, the sparks slowed down and the excitement in his steps lessened. He didn’t find the straight, simple way he had thought to recall Radeel taking when he brought him up to their room. It lost itself in endless twists and turns. 

When he turned right at another corner, his eyes flared into an exhale. A large window adorned the thick wall right at the end of the hallway. Lou jumped into his next step even though he couldn’t make out anything in the darkness outside, and felt his lips twitch higher.

Just then heard footsteps. Right around the corner to his front someone was walking and chatting. He instantly froze and blamed something far-fetched like fate for the sudden change of the situation. As he realised that the voices turned louder, he panicked, his fingers freezing cold as he jumped for the next door to his right.

He closed it as soundlessly as possible, and a sigh dropped from his lips. His eyes widened and he twirled around, clasping his fingers over his mouth. A low light burned in the room, which was filled with papers and books up to the ceiling. He immediately turned around again and tumbled backwards until he pressed against the wall. A tremble tore through his muscles as he lowered his hands and placed them on the wall. His nails scratched at it, but he immediately stopped himself and instead prayed silently. He dedicated a thought to nothing specific but didn’t let go of it lest it could attract anyone’s attention.

The footsteps turned louder, then they quieted again. His eyes flamed.

In his panic, he loosened the strap on his prayer, and the door flew open. It crashed into the wall, the shelves and books shaking from the impact. Lou gulped at Liu’s figure in the doorway and blamed his breathing, his heartbeat, yes even the shaking of his hands for exposing him. But in the end it was his naivety which was at fault.

Liu raised their head, their fists tightening at their hips. Surprisingly, their voice was perfectly calm. ‘First, I get told that my whole thesis – the one I put this much effort into – isn’t needed or wanted at all – ’ they stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind their back, throwing the room into darkness –  ‘and then, just after Treces left, a familiar smell struck my noise.’

A snap of their fingers rang through the room and painted the walls in flickering, bright, blue flames. Lou eyed them in awe, but flinched when Liu stepped closer. They were staring up at him, their blue eyes shining even stronger than usual under the flames’ gaze.

’Why?’ they breathed and placed their hand on Lou’s cheek. ’Why would it break the vow? I thought you understood.’

Although Lou was glancing down on them, he lost control over his breathing. They were the smallest among all of them, Lou had figured some time ago, but their eyes were also the most daring and powerful. With the faint touch on his cheek, they had complete control over him – without actively trying. 

Lou found his tongue tied, but his fingers desperately twitched at his hip, and he fled their gaze. Once he spotted something on the shelves, he braced himself and raised his hand. In one swift motion, he grabbed a hard-cover book from the shelf and threw it over Liu’s head. They fell to the side, and he jumped for the door, but his face meet the floor.

Liu had grabbed his wrist and stretched his arm over his head behind his back. Stemming their knee into Lou’s lower back, they screamed at him, ’Should I break or tear it off for mistaking me for weak?’

Lou whimpered, but they only pressed down harder and pulled on his wrist again. The stretch tore a cry from Lou’s throat, small pearls rolling down his cheeks. He begged them to stop, his voice in an indecipherable turmoil of pleads and cries.

’No, no, don’t cry.’ Liu rashly let go of his arm and flipped Lou around. Their fingers were tracing the air just slightly above his skin as they scanned over his body for any injuries. ’I didn’t mean to hurt it, is it fine?’

Lou was lying sideway, but managed to look up into the blurred image of a worried face. The sound he forced off his throat was far from a word, but he intended to cover the situation in an aiding coat of excuse and pressed out a sentence.

Liu’s eyes darkened and they leapt forward once more, their hands immediately back on Lou’s throat.

’Why? Suffer, suffer!’ They lost their breath as they yelled and stemmed against Lou’s windpipe. ’You said you wouldn’t. Then, tell me what this is! Tell me!’

Lou shakily grabbed their wrist and choked out their name, his lungs just so doing the job for him. He coughed when Liu removed their hands, placing them on either side of his head.

’Why escape?’ Liu laughed sadly, and eyed Lou who was still coughing. He tried to reply, he wasn’t escaping, but didn’t manage more than two words.  

Liu slapped at him before they leaned forward, pressing their hands to his mouth. ’Don’t lie! Don’t lie…not to my face again!’

Lou scratched at their fingers and knuckles. A salty liquid stained his temples with a thin film and stung in his eyes. His chest ached. His lungs faltered. With the last strength he found in his arm, he raised his hand and brushed Liu’s cheek. It fell again without even noticing their cold temperature.

At the gentle gesture, Liu removed their hands and sat back. Lou turned away, a sting in his lung he couldn’t cough away any longer.

Liu brushed some hair away from their face and clutched their fingers to their scalp. ’I can’t kill it…told Radeel we won’t, but we told it…run away…kill him.’

’I’m sorry. Please…’, Lou choked and shielded his face with his arms, the tremble of Liu’s fingers hardly something he appreciated when they were still only breaths away from his throat. ’Please don’t.’

He peeked at them from behind his shielding. Their black hair, cut short, but in their outburst fallen over their forehead in messy strands, was glistening under the flame, painting streaks of silver into the darkness. Liu sighed and leaned backward, clawless finger brushing Lou’s knees. The pushed themselves off the floor and ordered Lou to follow. A deadness stuck to their voice, but Lou didn’t dare thinking about it. The door opened soundlessly.

Liu closed it once Lou had stepped outside and rushed off without another word. Not once did their glance fall over their shoulder; Lou knew better than trying to escape from their heel. They’d easily, speaking of by far the mildest scenario, tear him to shreds should his step follow anything but their lead. Hesitant, Lou opened his mouth.

‘No.’

He jumped and swallowed the word on his tongue. His fingers tensed at their hiss, and he lowered his head, eyeing the entangled bundle at his stomach.

They reached the disgusting door in no time with Liu leading the way, and Lou yelped when he hadn’t even grasped a thought of how to properly approach this yet, but Liu pushed him back into the room. He rushed to straighten himself, but was pushed against the wall.

Deengar stared at him, his hand pushing him up the wall. He glanced back at Radeel from the corner of his eye. ’I want to kick it till it dies.’

Radeel shrugged, seemingly unbothered, and leaned back against the table. In response, Deengar threw Lou off his feet. He hissed as his knees crashed to the floor. Deengar’s kick sent him to his back, and he raised his arms.

’In the room with all the dead trees.’

He tilted his head at Liu’s voice, catching Radeel’s expression angering.

’The archive…that’s almost as far as the stairs,’ he mumbled and placed his index finger on his lips.

’It said it didn’t try to leave.’

Deengar stepped back and tightened his fists before he yelled at them, ’What else was it fucking trying to do? Use your brain, idiot.’

’I know! –‘ Liu jumped into his direction – ‘don’t call me dumb when you only think about brawling!’

Liu forced their claws to appear and caught Deengar’s eyes on them.

’Is the little brat threatening me?’

’Let them be, Deengar’, Radeel ordered, sighed as he got up and walked over to Lou’s side by stepping between them both. ’How about you slice our failed attempt of a liar open instead?’

While words had distracted them, Lou had pushed himself back up to his knees and hands. He couldn’t push farther and eyed a couple of small, red stain below his face. A dark red picture if he put enough imagination into it. As he coughed, the cracks in his lip hurting, his cheek on fire.

Another kick against his shoulder sent him to his back, his gaze swaying from the dark green tapestry to the dead ceiling above him. He gulped and shivered at the taste. It was grinning at him, from above. Celebrating his mix of emotions.

Lou covered his eyes with his arm and sobbed quietly. Still, he managed to whisper, ’Wait, please. I’m– ‘

’You don’t seem to understand’, Radeel cut him off and pulled his meant shielding away from his eyes. He looked up on him as he couldn’t avoid his glance. ’We couldn’t care less.’

He displayed his fangs and leaned in.

‘No! Don’t!’ Lou yelled at the pain in his chest and threw his fist at Radeel. It halted sooner than he expected, and he blinked up through wettened eyelashes.

He didn’t land a hit on a spot where he would’ve aroused pain – he as a human all the less so – but he still touched Radeel. He had caught his fist mid-air, his fingers wrapped over his knuckles, and blocked the meek relative of a punch.

Lou exhaled in a quiver when Radeel lowered his hand to the floor, nailing him to the floor with his hand. Red searched for his eyes, and Lou almost choked on the chance he was given.

‘It’s not my fault! I–‘ he yelped when Deengar stomped his foot into his stomach again.

’Know your damn place.’

Lou tried to keep his volume diminished, wanting to get his point across. Instead, a cry tore from his lips. ‘I couldn’t have done anything else, please! Give me a second chance, let me try! Please, I’ll – ‘

Lax straightened across the room and dropped the book in his hands to the table. ’Trying was over the second you agreed to this.’

Lou hadn’t even noticed his presence, but his racing thoughts answered for him. ’You can’t expect me to just accept – ‘

’I didn’t expect you to do anything’ Radeel said and strengthened his grip on the trapped hand.

Lou couldn’t speak any longer when his eyes darted back at him. His eyes were flickering between Radeel’s and Deengar’s, his mind deprived of the chance to notice Yppha and Taeslir entering, everyone’s eyes on him. He couldn’t capture them, he couldn’t capture all that.

’I don’t want to die…’, he cried as Radeel pulled away, eyes craving closure. He pushed his fingers against the side of his neck, fingertips just resting in place as protection. ’Please…but I can’t live like that either.’

’We’re not the ones at fault, can’t that bitch of a bug get that?’ Deengar groaned.

’We gave him our rules and kept him busy; I don’t see how he can blame our techniques for this outcome’, Yppha responded and crossed his arms. His eyes dropped to some uneven marks on the floor like he was trying to figure out what the mistake was.

’I tried to tell you’, Lou said and tried to sit up. The ceiling depressed him when it was providing a reminder to what he hadn’t achieved. Shame clung to the tears in his eyes. As he escaped the scolding opponent from above, Deengar stepped closer again.

’This is the first time you listen.’ Lou searched for Liu and spotted them to his left, leaning against the door, staring down on him. He hadn’t had a choice, he explained. The feeling of no recognition at all had been unbearable.

’What a drag…’, Radeel sighed and fell back, his arms stretching to his sides, the back of his hands colliding with the floor. ’Why is this much more difficult than anticipated? All those feelings, just drown them out if you want to survive.’

He flung his hand into the air.

’I doubt he could function like that,’ Taeslir piped up and Radeel turned toward him without changing his position.

’We need to interact with him or something?’

’He needs some sort of reward if he behaves, you can’t train a living being any other way.’

’He doesn’t deserve a reward, what the fuck? I want a punishment’, Deengar exclaimed and threw his hand into the air in rage. He moved away and stood up to catch Radeel’s eyes. Liu added their approval, and Lou fled their gaze.

’So, we are still going to keep him after that?’ Lax questioned and walked over to join their gathering.

’Everyone of us will present one rule.’ Radeel sat up in a vigorous jolt. ( – Lou blamed the ceiling for his revitalisation; it must have invited him, sending support, and sharing rivalry toward Lou, likely through his palms. He blinked bewilderedly when he grasped the thought completely, unsure whether he had missed something Radeel had said.) ’He will listen to them, ask for minor changes or additions and then he’ll accept them – unconditionally. In return, he can name one request as well.’

He crawled toward Lou and closed the gap between them before he grabbed his shoulders from behind his back. The harsh pull on them sent Lou’s fingers to his ribcage where they strongly crawled into his thin shirt. When he noticed Radeel leaning toward his ear, he tensed, and pressed his fingers against his stomach. He swallowed a hiss as he met one of Deengar’s bruises.  

’Should he, however, disobey any of them in the slightest’, Radeel whispered into his ear, and although Lou couldn’t see his face, the amused grin plastered on his lips dripped off his voice and quiet chuckle all alone, ’we won’t kill him – no – I’ll personally cut your legs and arms off, chain you up so you can’t talk anymore and use you as a helpless blood bank for the rest of your life.’

Lou’s body answered for him, his lips rendered not just unable, but unnecessary as well when his tremble and his sob outdated any speech to ever come from them. The pull on his shoulders left and, as his fingertips dropped to his lap, Lou’s head sank.  

Lax was the first to condition his rule, ’I don’t want him to talk without permission.’

Lou looked at him, lips pressed into a thin line to keep the clattering noise at bay, and pushed out his question, ‘Can I ask for permission to talk?’

’If I tell you to shut up, I want you to be quiet.’

He nodded weakly and mumbled a quiet agreement before Deengar explained he wanted to drink his blood whenever he’d like. After some discussion they agreed, Lou could tell them if he was exhausted or felt sick, but they didn’t have to accept his refusal.

’I want to give him a collar!’ Liu exclaimed, fingers rushing to Lou’s lower arm. He eyed them, reminding his breath of steadiness when he recognised gentleness, and turned toward Radeel when their eyes remained on him without giving detail about their intention.

’It’s got to be a removable, Liu. We can’t drink his blood otherwise’, Radeel explained, returning Lou’s glance with more threatening means, allowing it to contain its usual pierce, and faced the addressed person.

’But I can’t put a spell on one of those! I want to make him mine.’

’Why don’t you use one of your vials?’

’They are gonna do what?’ Lou finally asked, eyes unsure of whom to focus on.

’It’s our life energy inside a bottle, I call it Vita. We creatures have more of it than you. If I perform a ritual on you, it will wrap around your heart and make you ours’, Liu explained and squeezed Lou’s leg, their smile growing. It was neither painful nor would it kill him if he disobeyed the rules. Its purpose was to prevent excessive blood loss by – as Liu put it – “buffing up his biology” and to make him unenjoyable to other vampires.

Lou agreed.

’He’s going to make his food himself from now on. I don’t care about the no-knives-for-him rule’, Taeslir demanded and got an agreement right away. Yppha, too, got an approval after he had explained he wanted Lou to treat all of them equally without picking favourites. As it was Radeel’s and therefore the last person’s turn, Lou turned toward him with hesitance in his muscles. His eyes widened as he spotted a softer smile instead of the evil curls he had expected those corners to possess.

’I just want you to obey whatever we say and mention the rule of not running away once more’, he said, and his smile dropped. He waited for Lou’s nod – following suit.

Radeel smiled in response, but no joy touched the gesture. Lou gulped as he watched him get up, his legs carrying him to some documents at the table. He handed some of them to Taeslir, his words too quiet to understand what he’d want him to do with them. Yppha followed him as he walked off, carrying a box with him.

As he turned around again, Lou slowly crept up, limping to the table, his knee still hurting. He could feel Deengar’s eyes on him, Liu’s too, but didn’t raise his glance. Avoidant, he missed the glance Deengar and Radeel shared.

‘I’ll come up with something,’ he said, crossing his arms.

Deengar only huffed, his glance flickering at Lax running off into his room. He clearly didn’t intend to do the same.

‘Come on, Deengar,’ Liu mumbled instead and grabbed his wrist. He only looked after them, unyielding as they tried to drag him along. Their gaze darkened. ‘We’ll have our chance another time, let him patch himself up now – that’s what Yppha explained last time.’

Deengar rolled his eyes and pulled out of their grip, but followed them, their footsteps soon dying out.

With his hand clasped over his stomach, Lou turned around, trying to even his breathing despite the ache below his hand, a red stare, dripping blood. He swallowed as Radeel shifted his weight, his glance swaying to his stomach.

‘I didn’t hear anything crack…you’ll be fine until Liu’s – ‘ he glanced into the direction they’d walked off to – ‘in a better mood again to take care of the bruises.’

Lou nodded silently, similarly shifting his weight, just onto his uninjured leg. His voice sounded hoarse when Radeel had turned away from him. He didn’t notice the quiet call for him as his eyes drew to the mattress. He’d asked Yppha once why they’d placed one in their supposed living room. He should’ve been less surprised after he told him that Liu sometimes liked to sleep outside of their room.

‘Come on,’ Radeel’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, his legs tiredly obeying and following his lead toward his room.

He’d seen him enter it before, but never set foot inside, his heart pounding as he set into a quicker pace. He blinked at the darkness inside, his fingers unconsciously pressing into his bruise. He barely hissed in response and the room was lit by some candles, scattered over cupboards and two desk on each side of the room. He hadn’t seen Radeel lighting them, his figure already leaning over a drawer, hands searching for something.

Lou decided to try his luck, his body taking a step forward. ‘Radeel, I –‘

‘For your lips,’ he said, holding out a small bottle and a cloth. ‘It’s Liu’s…I know it’ll help.’

His hand was shaking as he reached for it, and he, thankful Radeel was still looking through the items in the drawer, sucked in his breath when he almost dropped the tiny vial, the weight to stable against his jerky fingers.

At least the grip on an object made his voice return to his throat. ‘You planned this, right?’

Radeel hummed, looking up as Lou didn’t continue.

‘You knew I’d try to escape,’ Lou explained, turning the opened bottle onto the cloth.

’I assumed it, correct. I was the one who sent Liu and Treces up to your location, after all,’ Radeel laughed and shut the drawer, ’but I had hoped you were smart enough to listen to me.’

Lou tried to protest, but Radeel flicked him off with his hand. ‘I understand your point…but you violated the rules nevertheless…’

His voice almost sounded gentle, as if he meant what he’d said, and his glance travelled to a flickering candle on the cupboard. He tilted his head a little, his snarly tone returning to his voice. ‘You know, why don’t you make up for it by thinking about what you could have done differently.’

Lou lowered the cloth from his lip, the taste still lingering sweetly and sourly at the same time, his heart skipping a beat at Radeel’s grin growing. He yelped as he pulled on his arisen hand, taking them out of his room and into one opposite of his. The door barely opened when he already found himself inside it.

‘What are you – ‘

‘I’m giving you space to think,’ Radeel said, his grin reaching from ear to ear, red dots like a predator in the darkness around Lou. ‘You should have plenty of that here.’

Lou’s heart jumped into his throat as he saw him closing the door, his body leaping forward. He dropped the cloth in his hand as he rushed forward, but his hands only met wood. His fingers jumped to the handle.

‘Radeel, wait! Please don’t –…I don’t like – ‘ his glance fell to where he suspected his hands to be, the handle unyielding to his hand white-knuckling that piece of metal – ‘darkness…’

He exhaled, a soft brush of air on his lips. They still hurt. They still pained. He couldn’t see his hand moving to it. Could only feel it trembling.

‘Radeel!’ He yelled and flung his fists against the door, his stomach curling from the impact, sucking his breath out of him. ‘Please, come back! I’ll make up for it! I’ll – I know you can hear me! Just – ‘

His hands slid off, his side aching as he tumbled a step. He raised his hand to his stomach. A trembling shield. ‘Please, come back…’

Tears sprung to his eyes as he raised his hand but didn’t reach the door anymore, his feet tumbling to the side rather than forward. Where it should have been. Where he should’ve landed. Not in a cupboard. With his shoulder.

He cried out as he clashed against it, missing to hold onto it and weakly sliding to the floor. Forcing his body to spin around its own axis, he winced at the sting at his side, making him flop to the floor. His hand still held onto the cupboard for support, but exhaustion made it sink to his side.

Touching the wettened side of the cloth he had dropped, he yelped and scooted away, his hand rushing to his shirt, a heartbeat closer to a racing horse than a recovery from a wound. He swallowed a sob as the pain in his shoulder finally settled in.

‘Please, come back…’

He wiped his hands over wet cheeks as his own voice startled him, the dryness in his throat catching up to him. Breathing hurt. Not seeing the wet stains on his hands, he stared into nothing, his mind trying to tell him he could imagine something. Yet it only spun around a headache for him.

He heard himself repeat his plea another time, though his lips weren’t moving. His shoulder hurt if he moved it back. Like this he pressed against his bruise, though his hand still rested on it, giving him something to hold onto in the darkness, another one. He’d stopped crying, he couldn’t be crying if he didn’t see any tears, though his palm clung to his eyes. Fingers cramped into hair, pulling at an ache on his skull, another one.

He didn’t hear his voice, the hoarseness in his throat making him cough, another –

He flinched as the door crept open, wiping both his hands over his eyes before he clasped them around himself. Silently, he saw Radeel stepping over the threshold, in his hand another vial, his glance too high to see him.

He turned his head at his breathing, only a low glow in his irises, blinded by the furrow in his brows. To illuminate more of him, he pushed the door open with his hand, holding the vial out with his other. ‘Liu said what I gave you wouldn’t help after all. It’s just a painkiller.’

Lou stared at him, his glance too soft for his liking, the gesture of the vial a fiend even worse than the bruise at his side. As he felt his nose wanting to turn up, he hastened to grab the vial, averting his face, and avoided the red glow from above.

Radeel looked at him picking up the cloth, his hand only lowering once Lou pressed it against his lips again. He exhaled, not quite a sigh, and turned around, his foot over the threshold.

‘Radeel, wait please!’ Lou jumped into muscles that only now remembered why they’d trembled themselves to exhaustion. Exhaustion which made him land on his hands, his body unwilling to get up. His fingers cramped around the cloth as he pushed back to sit down on his knees. ‘Please, don’t lock me up again, I’ll…I’ll tell you what I could’ve done instead. I’ll try and…’

He stopped himself as his breaths turned too heavy for the bruise on his ribs. ‘Please don’t leave again…’

‘Are you all afraid of darkness?’

‘What?’ Lou yelped, looking back up.

Radeel muscles twitched with something akin to confusion, though his tone had possessed too much attitude for Lou to fully accept his reason being curiosity. With shaky hands pressing the cloth back to his lips, he grasped his opportunity, nevertheless. ‘No…no, not everyone.’

Radeel’s head tilted. ‘Just you.’

His soft tone wasn’t a question anymore.

‘Fine,’ he continued and leaned against the doorpost. ‘Tell me what you came up with.’

Lou didn’t believe his ears, his hand halting on his bottom lip, fingers crawling into his shirt.

He hadn’t thought this far.

‘I…should have…’

He hadn’t thought at all.

‘I could’ve told you,’ he whispered, lowering his hand as his glance crept up to Radeel.

His mien had dulled, a sound brushing his throat that made Lou’s skin curl and his muscles jump into motion again as he pushed himself away from the doorpost.

‘And I’d actually believe I’d get a thoughtful response,’ he mumbled, disappointment in his voice as he watched Lou heave himself to his feet. He tipped his head into the hallway behind him. ‘Come on, Yppha made some food.’

His figure disappeared, leaving Lou to stare at the empty doorframe, his injured knee too heavy to lift. He dragged himself after him, following him from the living area to the kitchen where he, indeed, found a small sandwich on a plate. He sat down, ignoring Radeel watching him as he leaned against the counter, his arms crossed. His jaw felt like it might burst with every bite he took, chewing something he only did in favour of his throat.

Why was he staring at him?

He raised his glance to footsteps nearing them, Lax peeking around the corner with a book in his hand. He held a pencil in his other.

‘You already done?’ he asked him, closing the book around his index finger.

Radeel didn’t look up at him. ‘I figured it’d be smarter if we thought of something some other time. He’ll seriously hurt himself – ‘ he glanced at Lax – ‘considering how weak he is.’

Lax only huffed a laugh and turned around, waving the book behind his back as a goodbye.

Lou sniffed to rid his face of his expression and eyed his food, his appetite gone before he had even started in the first place. He raised his glance once he believed it to be under his control.

‘How often do you actually have to drink from a human?’ he asked, trying to push the silence out of the room. Out of his head. He didn’t like his thoughts being unsupervised. He didn’t like Radeel’s stare on him.

‘When we actually feel a thirst for blood?’ he re-interpreted Lou’s question and turned around, not letting him answer. He picked up some bowls in the sink. ‘About twice a week.’

Lou nodded quietly to himself, watching his sandwich. He looked up as Radeel huffed.

‘But don’t think that’ll give you a free card now,’ he said while placing the bowls in a cupboard. ‘Just biting is…exciting, and we’re hardly getting any nowadays.’

Lou placed his sandwich on his plate. ‘Was that what you mentioned the day I came up here?’

Radeel turned around, a spoon and a fork in his hand, his eyebrows in a furrow.

‘I just…,’ Lou mumbled, the red glare making him drop his own glance. ‘I just overheard it.’

Radeel’s lips twitched with that faint idea of a smile again. He reached for a towel without averting his glance. ‘We’re facing some difficulties, but that’s nothing the regime can’t handle.’

Right. The regime.

Lou supressed to roll his eyes, instead shoving another bite into his mouth, dry, his battered lips aching at the tiny stretch.

It had developed to the state it was in now roughly 50 years ago – elders at his village had told him, some even so adventurous to have their own story, their own little adventure in stock. He had liked monster stories, had taken them for granted, but his thoughts had overwhelmingly often of his time not resided with them. Not until his village had been attacked at least. Pretending to be more civilised than others, vampires strived, exceeding any numbers seen in centuries before.

However, the small stories he’d heard of could hardly help him in his current situation. His books, mostly descriptions and illustrations of sorts, even less so. How come people barely documented on vampires’ supposed ‘civilisation’?

He raised his head to Radeel’s figure stilling, his glance resting on him once more as he’d finished cleaning the little mess he’d left the past couple of days. His eyes glimmered with a shade akin to blood, bright, almost madly golden.

Maybe that was why.

‘You know where to find me,’ Radeel exclaimed suddenly, throwing the towel onto the counter behind him. He swiftly made his leave, but at the corner his fingers grabbed the wall, turning around again. ‘Try not to run away again, yeah?’

Lou could’ve laughed. Perhaps he should’ve. His side was still aching, his throat burnt from the food he had eaten, his temple throbbed with the doze of sleep he should have injected his body with. He should’ve laughed.

Instead, he got up, putting Yppha’s well-meant gesture on the counter, thankful his knee had slightly started liking him again. Without limping, he could walk back to his little soft spot on the floor. His head in a light spin, he tried to pick up the book he’d left next to it, but his thoughts didn’t let him feel the peace of taking in fictional tranquillity.

He leaned against the wall as his eyes couldn’t focus on the words, his mind avoidant of the story, and pulled his knees to his chest. His stomach hurt, but once he was set he could feel his muscles stilling, perhaps finally compliant at being back in the spot they’d frantically tried to escape from.

Had Radeel only known the best way to get him to think was by leaving him alone for an hour. He didn’t need any external help.

Just as he decided to at least lie down and close his eyes, pretence his usual method to tell himself that everything would work-out somehow, he heard a couple of footsteps entering the hall. Along a series of slurs.

He raised his head, ascertaining that Taeslir was the person accompanying Deengar. His muscles instinctively tensed again, his back straightening, his legs itching with a hunch of getting up and away from his position on the mattress.

He only managed to weakly stem his hand against the wall before Deengar spotted him.

‘Let you off already?’ He laughed walking closer to lean against the chair he had leaned on earlier too. His gaze studied him, frenzied purple above a teethed grin. Once he met his face, his expression chilled. ‘Fairly unscathed, huh?’

Lou could feel his presence shifting from the spot next to the table, like a freezing breeze moving from the spot and crashing into him, but his blurry vision didn’t realise that he’d neared him. His back told him that, pressed against the tapestry, his choke reacted for him, trapped inside his throat enclosed by a hand. Blinking at Taeslir’s silhouette placing the documents he was holding on the table, he raised his hand to Deengar’s wrist, though his fingers had no more will to brush them off him.

He'd been dizzied before. His loss of breath only stemmed from being pushed against the wall. His lungs out of his mouth, blood away from his head. But his temple had already been hurting too.

‘Deengar…’

It wasn’t his voice.

He slid down the wall as he was released, his temple burning with the blood rushing back into its vessels.

‘Pathetic.’

It was his tears he meant.

He only blinked after him, thinking he saw him waving his hand, his words about ‘not mistaking him for possessing the same kindness’ echoing off the walls, fire on his mind.

A cough brought him back to his feet, his legs weak despite his knee not bothering anymore. He limped along the path he had trotted after earlier, fear, and tried to focus on the walls, anything but them closing in on him.

Knocking, he plumped against the doorpost, a disgusting pressure rising to his chin. He wasn’t afraid anymore. Almost tipping into the room as Radeel opened the door for him, he felt his stomach rising to his throat, his eyes fluttering at the blinding candles within, tired.

He didn’t notice Radeel swift reaction, only the tears finally wetting his cheeks as his head hung over a bucket, the solid remains of his sandwich leaving him.

Radeel plumped down next to him and turned up his nose.

’Something I’ve surely never envied,’ he admitted and observed Lou’s weak push off the carpet.

He forcibly dropped over the bucket another time, and coughed as Radeel averted his gaze, leaning back on his arms to look at the ceiling. Lou was too busy to understand or form an answer, but he didn’t like sitting next to him in silence, so he looked at him when he found time to breathe.

’You’re wondering if there is something I envy about your kind?’ Radeel guessed and peeked at him from the corner of his eye. ’More than I’d like to admit actually…sunlight’s highest up.’

’An unexpected answer for a creature of the night,’ Lou answered, spitting into the bucket, and noticed a tremble around his elbows.

’Just because I’m not allowed to experience it, doesn’t mean I have no desire to.’ Radeel squinted at him. ’Are you done?’

Lou nodded weakly and plumped back onto his ass, the muscles around his knees aching, his side burning, but less tensed without the food in his stomach he hadn’t wanted in the first place.

‘Follow me then,’ Radeel continued and walked off into the adjacent room, water soon spilling over the smooth surface of a sink. He mumbled something about getting rid of his mess after Lou had caught up to him.

Lou looked down on the sink as he walked away. Some strangely coloured liquids stood next to the drain, but a hesitant sniff revealed a sweet odour. His fingers were shaking as he tried to pick them up, so he cupped up some water with his hands instead.

It was cool, but didn’t diminish the heat on his forehead, much less the tension in his muscles stretching from arms to shoulders. He wiped his wet fingers off into his hair and almost looked at the mirror above the sink out of habit. Restraining himself at the last second, a scolding thought lingering in his mind, he grabbed one tiny bottle. Once satisfied with the taste in his mouth, he turned to Radeel.

’Don’t stare, get into motion’, he mumbled even though he couldn’t have possibly noticed Lou’s eyes on him. He was facing the tub and had crouched down.

More stumbling than walking, Lou made his way to Radeel’s side and slid down the wall after he had tried to hold onto it for support. Radeel’s hand was running through the tub, halfway filled with water. Watching the repetitive swings drew Lou’s eyelids closer together, and he quickly averted himself. After a second, he rethought the term he had used; a tub wasn’t exactly the right word. It was an angular, huge, marble clad hole which only seemingly proved a bathing tub since it differed from the stone masonry of the rest of the room.

A weak smile played around Radeel’s lips as he turned around and stared down on Lou, but he averted his gaze and asked him if the temperature was pleasant since he didn’t have any perception of heat and coldness himself. Lou’s hand fell into the water with a quiet splash, and his weak nod induced an order to get inside. He obeyed quietly.

‘It should help with your muscles’ shaking,’ Radeel mumbled and leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, watching Lou remove his pants and slide into the tub.

Lou hadn’t even noticed the shaking around his fingers and arms, goosebumps cowering him like webs despite the warm water slowly defusing them. Deciding on not staying in that position and letting his muscles claim him, he glanced up at Radeel who didn’t seem to make a move.

’What? You thought I’d get in with you?’ he laughed and threw his hand around in a wild manner, pointing at him in the end. ‘That scared you’ll drown?’

Lou’s eyes widened, bubbles rising at the mistake he had made. He didn’t know whether Radeel’s following chuckle sounded comforting or like another threat.

’Were we that eager? How sad…’, Radeel whined dramatically and let his hand drop into the water to snip some of it onto Lou’s face. ’Should’ve known since you’re this obsessed with me.’

He laughed and dunked his hand into the water, watching it flow around his fingers as he broke the smooth surface.

’It was your amulet actually’, Lou said and pulled his legs to his chest. His arms found their way around his thighs as he reminded himself to stay rested, glad his back was resting against the wall, keeping him from swaying back and forth. He watched Radeel’s sight dropping to the mentioned object, dragging along his hand.

’Ouch’, he feigned and weighed the golden disc between his fingers. ’Not me? That’s saddening.’

’But I also liked how it was swinging with your steps…’

Really, he merely tried to make Radeel’s stare appear less awkward, less humiliating. And his thoughts knew just the way to achieve that; as someone who had never appreciated silence – or never experienced the calmness one such shared noiselessness could possess – he resorted to words. As bland as those may be. (Truly, he loathed the habit.)

’Trying to flatter me, yeah?’ Radeel answered, his smirk turning into another laugh as Lou turned his head away – figuring his denying words would’ve been useless anyway –, ‘but if you insist.’

He began undressing himself, pulling his blouse off easier and faster than the knotted laces above his cleavage and the tightened buttons on his wrist had led to suspect. Lou couldn’t help but be drawn to the sailing whiteness when he threw it to the side. Out of awkwardness, Lou’s glance flickered at Radeel’s torso, and he discovered the cause for Radeel’s clothing wrapping perfectly around him. Apart from Radeel clearly wanting to have Lou’s eyes on him, Lou’d had called his reaction a habit – had it been, literally, any other situation.

Radeel laughed something incomprehensible about his amulet and slid into the water. Lou gave way to him, the water sloshing around under his glance.

’I’m tired’, he whispered and jumped at the cold finger on his temple. His head jerked toward Radeel, letting a painful sting shoot through the back of his neck.

’How about we just play a little then?’

Radeel brought his lips to Lou’s exposed collarbone with an amused hum and wrapped his fingers around the free side of his neck.

’Stay still’, he ordered and pushed his fangs into the skin. As Lou tried to pull away and out of his touch, he pressed his fingers to his wet hair, just where his neck started. A tenderness pulled his head to the side, but Radeel’s fangs sank into him with a freeze.

He couldn’t bear it. His teeth grazed a nerve, as if they were stroking over it repeatedly and every time they touched, he felt his arm numbing even more. From his shoulder to his wrist, he lost all sense of touch, and his eyes squeezed shut at the pain crawling into his neck like a needle.

He acted on instincts as he pulled away. Instincts that didn’t consider the consequences.

Radeel eyed him, both his hands placed on the floor of the tub, the surface of the water enclosing his biceps. Only his head tilted to the side, no words needed for the pierce in his glance. ‘Trying to act bitchy after all?’

Lou gulped and sniffed as he scooted farther away, a mix making his fingers regain their shaking, his stomach churning another time.

As Radeel neared him again, he pulled away, pressing against the masonry. Futile, utterly useless, he thought as he used his hand to shield himself, forcing Radeel’s hand away from his shoulder. Foolish, he cried as he trapped his wrist beneath the water, his aching head sending him over the edge.

‘Who’s the eager one now?’

Radeel froze.

Lou could hear his heart shatter at the mien twisting in front of him, the tiny pieces throbbing throughout his body, sending him into a state of shock, warm liquid cooling in his veins.

’Is it mocking me?’ Radeel spat and pushed Lou away from him.

Lou tried to respond, but Radeel shoved his hand against his temple, sending his body beneath the surface. His answer, a yell of apologies, turned into bubbles of air. He cried, fear crippling him at Radeel possibly keeping his head underwater, but he yanked him out before he could’ve fully formed the thought, hair roots burning.

‘Do you think you’re funny?’ His nails kept Lou in place, his struggle futile.

His scalp burnt, the voice in his throat raw. ’Please, Radeel…I –’

Radeel removed his hand, watching Lou’s fingers aimlessly press against the spot he’d just tormented. ‘Get out.’

Lou’s mien twisted as he stared back through his shielding arms, Radeel’s patience as limited as the tiny dot of his pupils. He yanked at Lou’s arm as he didn’t move, pulling him to his feet and pushing him out of the tub.

Hastening for the towel next to the sink, Lou covered himself and limped for the door, a gasp in his throat as he was pulled back, Radeel pressing against his shoulder.

’You think I decided to keep you because your attitude was interesting or entertaining?’ he beamed at him, his fingers tightening around Lou’s collarbone. ’Thinking I’ll hesitate to kill you because you might amuse me once more?’

‘Please, please, Radeel, my shoulder, I – ‘ he gasped as Radeel pressed his fist against his chest instead, his eyes too watery to realise he’d granted him his request. His lips trembling too harshly as he cried, ’I’m sorry…I’m sorry, please stop, I’ll do – won’t – you, not mock.’

Radeel ordered him to look at him. His voice deep and calmer. ’Convince me to not slice you in half right here and now.’

Lou’s body responded for him, but he forced his voice into his throat, ’I’ll…I’ll behave – I’m…’

’I don’t care about that.’ Radeel pushed further into him, his shoulder blade grazing the wall.

’I wasn’t entitled to say such a thing’, Lou started again, but was interrupted by a cry at the pressure on in shoulder. ’I didn’t – I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have – I can’t keep my stupid mouth shut, it’s my fault, it’s… – I won’t…not again.‘

His last words slithered through a breathless cry, his lungs in a hurry to leave him as Radeel finally let go of him. A huff told his glance to remain low, only his ears telling him Radeel stepped away from him.

He shut a cupboard too loudly for his muscles not to flinch, his step carrying him back to place another cloth and vial on the sink counter.

‘Use that,’ he grumbled, his steps swift in leading him out the door, ‘then go to sleep. If I see you anywhere outside my room, I’ll…’

He finished his sentence by throwing the door shut.

Lou stared after him. Two tiny candles illuminating half of his face.

Chapter Text

Although Lou’s eyes fluttered open, he couldn’t tell if he was awake for the room was pitch black and indistinguishable from what he saw with his eyes closed. However, the pain arising in his spine and shoulder when he tried to shift to the side told him his current state of mind.

His soft groan must’ve been louder – or simply the only audible noise in the room – than he had appreciated, because a creaking noise of feet dragging across the floor swiftly run through the room. A silhouette gracefully moved to the side of the bed, but Lou’s senses were neither fully in shape nor had they any time to possibly adjust before the weight dropped to the bed. In fear, he jumped backward, pulling the blanket around his body with him.

A clanking sound of two metals falling onto each other chimed through the room before it enlightened in the dim, unsteady light of some candles. They were all lit at the same time although each of them was placed on a different piece of furniture. Their flames flickered heavily under Lou’s stare, his balance crumbling and sending him to the mattress. He noticed how his eyelids were sinking, but the presence of something still unknown grabbed his attention and they shot back up.

’You’ve merely been asleep for three hours. You shouldn’t force them to stay open’, Radeel mumbled and placed the small, silvern lantern on the nightstand. He had held it out to Lou, but had pulled it away from him as he gained the opposite reaction than the one he’d have liked. The shrill clank at the nightstand had made Lou flinch, and he whimpered quietly as his muscles ached in response.

Radeel stood from the bed, a sigh adorning his lips, and walked to his desk. A cup found its place in his hand, and he returned, holding it out to Lou.

’For your throat’, he mumbled as the only reaction he gained was timid staring and another miserable attempt at pushing himself away, ’and Yppha threw something in there. He said it would help with your pain.’

He grabbed Lou by the wrist, yielding speed and accuracy as he pushed the cup into his hand and grabbed him by the waist. After he had pulled him to a sitting position, Lou flinched softly. He was looking down at the cup in his hand before he brought the smooth pottery to his lips, and swallowed. As he placed it in his lap, a simple word of gratitude left him, his voice a whisper.

’Do you want something else?’ Radeel asked and sat down to face Lou.

He shook his head and sipped at the cup again. His gaze had fallen onto one of the candles far away, their bright flickering mainly absorbed by his widened pupils. But their spark wasn’t present in Lou’s eyes. Radeel glanced at a void. It possessed the same spirit as the dark bags under his eyes.

He mumbled, he should get some more sleep then, and turned away. While he was reaching for the lantern, Lou teared his trembling hand away from its former place and held onto his arm. A pair of eyes answered his touch.

’Don’t blow out the candles, please,’ he asked and lowered his eyes to the arm in his grip.  The shrill clink sounded from the cupboard and Radeel returned, pulling his legs onto the bed. He pushed himself up against it.

’You’ll lie down and sleep some more though.’ He placed one leg over the other, watching Lou do what he had told him, and grabbed the cup from him. Lou plumped down completely while Radeel placed the pottery next to the lantern, burying his face in the soft pillows. They were neatly placed next to each other, and hid his face. He didn’t see Radeel anymore, so he closed his eyes.

The shaking up his spine, however, kept him from relaxing; everything felt chillingly cold, and his legs were trembling. He tried to focus on his breathing, but couldn’t steady it.

’I didn’t mean what I said back in the bathroom, you know,’ Radeel whispered and ran two of his fingers over Lou’s hairline. The gesture froze his muscles, even his legs suddenly under control. He wasn’t permitted to move, Lou told himself, and obeyed the idea in fear of what might happen if he didn’t.

Radeel entangled his fingers with some strands before curling them up. They slowly slid down his finger after he had come to the point where their length reached its limit. Nails tenderly scratched over his scalp and Lou’s eyelids gained heaviness. The muscles in his legs and back relaxed, soothed by the assurance of at least temporary kindness.

’Probably shouldn’t have gone that harsh on you…’, Radeel breathed while he was drawing small circles behind Lou’s ear.

Relaxation washed over Lou’s fingers and allowed them to unclench. He fell into the mattress, the blackness of his sight spinning only briefly before his breathing steadied, and drifted off – calmly, this time.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

His head felt better when he rose from the bed. On shaking legs and with a persistent ache throbbing in expected positions, he stumbled to the door. He had to grab onto every piece of furniture he passed and sighed happily as his hand finally connected with the doorknob.

The candles hadn’t been lit anymore when he had awoken, leaving the room rather bleak and sinister, the corridor, on the other hand, welcomed him with shiningly bright and new ones. After he had taken several steps toward the main room, his hand glided off the wall, and he limped forward.

The huge room he arrived in felt empty; Lax was the only one present, reading on his usual spot, in his usual position (the book was different, Lou reckoned). Lou plodded to the small kitchen – surely anything but quiet in his steps. They had shown him where to prepare his food on the third or fourth day after his arrival even though he hadn’t needed to cook for himself. Yppha and Taeslir had admirably great cooking skills. However, since one of them was the one to issue the new rule, he’d figured to better not ask for it again.

Lou admittingly didn’t feel like eating a lot, or anything at all, but he knew he’d feel better if he did. He settled for some bread and searched for some other ingredients (he found some ham and herbs which he didn’t know and therefore didn’t touch), and headed for the table in the living room once he had prepared everything. He sat down and took a couple of bites before he glanced at Lax.

’Can I ask you something?’ he piped up and clenched his hand around his plate once Lax had cocked his head. If he made it quick he’d let him, Lax answered and looked back at his book. He pressed his thumb on a certain spot and put it down in his lap.

’Why didn’t you…uhm, say anything about –’

’Your punishment?’ Lax guessed and raised an eyebrow. He sighed when Lou nodded and raised the book again. ’Radeel will know what to do.’

The words for his next question were already at the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed them when Lax violently shut his book.

’I’d like to read,’ he claimed and reopened it, not saying another word.

In silence, Lou ate up, put away his plate and found the mattress missing from the floor. He didn’t dare asking Lax where it had gone, but with the piece missing, habitude having rendered it his territory, he couldn’t decide on any other place to rest. The chair just previously used was an option of course, his back, however, had already suffered enough by walking there – he didn’t want to strain it anymore. And being to his disliking, the floor wasn’t an option either.

Another small couch was placed at a right angle to the one Lax was lying on.

Lou gulped quietly as he limped toward it. He waited next to the table, placed to be accessible from both identical couches, and turned to Lax. He perceived his reaction – a glance to the free couch, and then back to Lou before returning to his book – as an approvement and let himself fall on the plush upholstery.

Some time passed and that unpleasant bang of a noise appeared again. How long his glance must have rested on the other was perceivable in the expression Lax wore, a vein popping on his forehead.

He suddenly smiled, but it seemed acted and faked. ’Can you read through these?’

He leaned down to reach for something under the small wooden table, and his hand reappeared with some tiny pieces of paper, holding them toward Lou. ’And tell me what you think of them.’

He placed his book on the table when Lou took the sheets from him, carefully placing them in his lap. They seemed to be well-ordered and were held together by some plain cotton string. Lax told him, he’d need his honest opinion before letting him in on their secret, and didn’t answer his question as to why he thought Lou’d be a qualified inspector, convinced, it would impair his understanding of them.

He untied them, letting his eyes hover over the handwritten letters with eagerness: 

There  once  was  a boy with  a mission.

He   was   the   chosen    one    for    exploration.

Eager and brave, his time had come.

His only, true goal had been to look for some fruit.

Being the same magical fruit as in the forgotten tale.

It has brought life to the dead, as its rightful role:

Leader, of the seventh abyss and ruler of its kingdom.

Harm had been brought upon its enemies.

But no worries plagued the boy, for his

Young and incomplete self would never count.

An enemy; in thesis at least.

But he was prepared, would gladly die even,

His faith was destined as a small human, but:

Strong and brave as he was, he was accepted.

(The last sheet of paper merely had a huge V written on it)

With his book out of hand, Lax’ fingers were fumbling around his knee as he waited for Lou’s answer. When their glances connected, he squeezed them around the joint. His eyes were shaking in unison with his breathing, merely calming once Lou admitted his thoughts.

’I – …it sounds quite interesting.’

When Lax fell back against the rest of the couch a bit too vigorously for his usual behaviour, he glanced at him, refraining from raising an eyebrow. A heavy sigh dropped from his lips, almost reassembling a relieved laugh as he ran a hand through his hair.

’If you like it, they’ll suffice,’ Lax said and reached for his book, fingers deprived off their prior shake as if it had never existed. Lou stumbled a question and watched Lax propping himself up against the arm rest. He raised the book above his head again.

’Their purpose?’ he repeated and glanced at them from the corner of his eye. ’There’s a wealthy town in the Far East. An old man provides us with supplies – humans mostly – every now and then. In return, I must send these to a little girl he’s taking care of. She loves reading tales and mysteries, but lately my updates have displeased her. It’s an easy contract we have managed to maintain.’

’Why don’t you just take over the town?’ Lou wanted to know, pulled his leg onto the couch, and sat down on it.

’Less slaughter means less fallen vampires and especially large towns are developing increasingly fast’, he answered, flipped a page, and threw his leg over the other. ’If you don’t know what to do, grab a book from under the table or sleep, but don’t bother or stare at me any longer.’

Lou put the packed sheets on the table before he reached under it and pulled out a tiny book. Its edges were torn, and it seemed neglected, light weighted and lost as it was in the palm of his hand. He pushed himself up, sat down and started reading.

The content wasn’t much to his liking, he realised hardly a dozen pages in. Sounding incomplete, in plot and language, he couldn’t pinpoint what it was supposed to say. Still, he read on for a while and couldn’t get his eyes to stop gliding over the letters after his read pages had tripled. Although the book’s characters were plain and acted unreasonably and the storytelling didn’t get any more comprehensive, he just couldn’t put down the peculiar piece of fiction, neither blessed with a title nor any other affiliation to a series or author. Somehow the way those words echoed in his mind sparked his interest. They flowed together, forming waves of sentences just to turn into nothing but a chaotic, unresolved flow. Hours faded away, spent in engulfing himself in the book, and time rushed past Lou quicker than he could have formed his conclusion on the piece’s ending – or rather – its lack of such.

The well-known creak of a certain door drew his attention away from the pages he was aimlessly flicking back and forth, hoping to find a clue to the unresolved conflicts somewhere in between the lines. Peeking over the rest, he saw Liu, following Radeel inside. Right after they had shut the door behind themselves, they spotted him as well. Their eyes and expression brightened as a yell of his name dropped from their lips, and they threw themselves over the rest next to him.

’Can you catch some sunlight for me?’ The question possessed relatively loud manner for their stance, torso and arms hanging of the backrest of the couch. Lou had originally thought they were exhausted.

They bent their upper body and head when he didn’t respond, the position appearing unhealthy and painful. Their smile faded from expectant lips at the notice of Lou’s disturbed expression, and they sighed in defeat, getting off the rest. 

’How did you even come up with such an idea?’ Lax asked, marking a certain spot on his page again as he looked at them.

’They’ve been forcing that topic on me since the sun began to rise outside.’ Radeel fell onto the couch next to Lax, placing his temple on his fist.

Liu’s fingers clenched and unclenched excitedly, and their voice hollered, ’but if I could just store it in some type of glass, I’d be able to examine it!’

Radeel responded with a sigh. His gaze swayed to Lax.

‘That’ll absolutely leave you dead.’

‘I already told them that multiple times.’

Liu pouted and crossed their arms. ’I’ll use it and find new spells and rituals; you both just watch.’

Lou’s glance flickered to them. They were squinting at the floor.

’Speaking of rituals,’ Lax repeated his usual combination of movements while piping up again, and buried his nose in his book, ’don’t you got one to do?’

Liu jolted out of their state, and grabbed Lou’s arm. Gently, they squeezed it, bringing their rule back to his mind.

’Are you feeling better?’ Radeel hindered Liu from pulling Lou to his feet and off to their room.

Lou nodded silently, but flinched as Liu stomped their foot on the floor. They’d not hurt him, they yelled and dragged Lou off by his arm. They didn’t hear Radeel’s soft warning anymore.

They walked around the corner, and Liu very much pushed him into the second room to the left. A staircase was leading up in the right corner of the short, broad hallway and another two doors were situated at the right wall.

Lou gulped once he stood inside. Their room was much smaller than Radeel’s. Or the stuffed shelves, overfilled cupboards, and the large bed made it appear smaller. He spotted a narrow door next to the foot of their bed, but didn’t question them about it.

He couldn’t have formed words even if he had wanted to, he believed. Only one word was racing through his mind.

Messy.

Although on a shelf, the books, varying in age, size, and condition, were nothing even nearly organised. Some lay on top of another, others were placed in decent places, but either flipped upside down or standing with their spine to the wall. On the cupboards, Liu stored diverse items, most of which Lou had never seen before, though he did make out some pencils, papers, lamps, and a reddish, thick liquid that shudderingly reminded him of something he knew.

’I’ll get what I need,’ Liu exclaimed, ready to hop toward one of the shelves, but stopped just before they had turned on their heel. They placed their hands on Lou’s shoulders and pushed him all the way down until he was sitting on the floor. ’You wait here.’

Hands didn’t waste a single second on rummaging through the untidiness as they gathered the desired items in the blink of an eye. When they sat down in front of him, they carried a tiny blade with a wooden handle, an even smaller bottle with some clear liquid inside, and the rather big vial that they had mentioned.

’Can…can you tell me what you’re going to do exactly?’ Lou asked as he watched Liu placing the items around them and outside of a faded circle Lou was sitting in. He hadn’t noticed the carved and painted symbol at first, but a small circle surrounded them, barely fitting the two of them inside. A star adorned its middle, several tiny letters and swirls of symbols the rest of it.

’Okay, well…I’ll smear this oil on the spot directly over your heart because I have to pierce through your skin once, and like this, it will hurt and infect less likely.’

They showed him the tiny bottle and wiggled it around to make the oil inside visible.

’Then, you’ll have to be in a trance, so half asleep, basically. I’ll draw blood from your arms because the circle underneath you needs to be filled with it, and then I’ll insert our Vita stored in this vial.’

Again, they held up every object they were referring to at the specific time before they placed everything back into place. Lou’s head spun a little at the speed they had talked with and expressed his unease.

Liu quickly grabbed his hands and squeezed them with their typical strength. ‘You don’t have to be afraid. I take my rituals more serious than anything, you’ll be safe.’

They let go of him and lubricated the blade with a bit of the oil. Lou was ordered to take off his shirt, and his trembling hands obeyed although he himself hadn’t quite agreed just yet. He hissed briefly as the oil touched his skin. It felt chillier than he had expected.

’You’ve got to trust me, Lou,’ Liu mumbled and pressed their thumb against his chin. Carefully, they tilted his head to each side once and inspected the purple to green marks on his neck. Lou didn’t notice their flicker across his chest, thoughtfully creeping over every of his wounds before they connected with his eyes.

His name had dropped from their lips for the first time, and his muscles froze.

’I won’t hurt you. I promise, okay?’ Liu assured him once more and smiled heartily when they got a small nod as a response. They pulled him closer and started to draw small circles around his shoulder blade.

‘Just relax and focus on me.’

They increased the pressure on their imaginary symbols before a second finger joined. It kept the same pace as the other, but drew a different circle. The circles intersected at some point, those spots forming a circle of themselves. Lou wondered how they’d manage something like that with just two fingers, but his thoughts faded as Liu pushed him down on their shoulder.

They smiled as they lifted them off his skin, a new command at their lips. ’I’ll count to three. On three, you’ll close your eyes for me, okay?’,

They puffed against the shell of his ear and chuckled lightly, placing one finger on his waist, and mumbling the first number. With the other two numbers they added one finger each. On the count of three and the feeling of a third finger on his skin, Lou’s eyelids dropped, and his muscles relaxed against Liu’s body.

He couldn’t see their grin. ’Good.‘

They repeated what they had done, and Lou sank deeper into their touch, closer into their arms. His eyes opened and closed at their will as fingertips went up and down his spine. They whispered about their fingertips sending waves of heat through his body, which should have been difficult, considering their actual temperature, but Lou felt every word they uttered.

Liu’s taps eventually turned faster until they stopped completely. Their voice flew over Lou’s shallow breathing and slithered into him like a warm caress.

’When I do this –’ they tapped three fingers onto his back at the same time – ‘I want you to say my name. You can remember it, right? I want it to be the only thing you’re thinking about.’

They pressed their fingers down on him, and the command rooted into Lou’s mind. Once they lifted them, and tested him, their name flowed from his parted lips, over and over as they developed a new rhythm.

’Good, good…’, they praised and removed their hand from Lou’s skin.

They picked up the blade with one hand, their other steading Lou’s body. He had gone limp and would’ve fallen to the side without their aid.  

’My name’s still in your head, isn’t it?’ They pressed their triggering fingers to Lou’s skin, the blade secured to their palm, and smiled as they heard their name on his lips. ’Hold onto it for me.’

They positioned the sharp, metallic tip on Lou’s forearm. Pressing down, they drew blood and repeated the careful cut on the other one. They leaned closer, pulling Lou into the circle, and whispered, ‘And also hold onto that hotness you’re feeling right now.’

Their fingers traced over Lou’s skin as they attentively observed the pale, grey lines filling up with a deep red. They let him say their name every now and then, fingertips possessing a lighter manner than before, but stopped once his blood painted the symbols and the outer line of the circle. They poured the oil that was left over Lou’s arms and pushed him slightly away from them.

’Will you give your blood to us, Lou?’

They were staring into Lou’s eyes, but he couldn’t focus on them. His pupils grew and shrank involuntarily rapidly, leaving him unable to make out anything. However, he noticed the gentle touch of Liu’s fingers cupping his cheek. Three of them.

Liu repeated their question and ordered to answer them.

Lou obeyed, his mind without any sensible thought, and answered every of Liu’s questions in approval. He agreed on making his blood theirs – free to use, free to drink, free to spill.

’This will sting a little…’ Liu said before they placed the sharp, needle-like tip of the vial over Lou’s heart. A short freeze befell Lou’s chest, and he gasped. However, the familiar, calming touch soothed him back into eased muscles in an instant. Their different energies flowed into the small wound Liu had created. Twirling like a stormy breeze, and different in various colours and complete blackness and whiteness.

The actual aim of their ritual took the shortest. They quickly pushed against Lou’s chest, and sing-sang into his ear, ’Awaken. ‘

They pushed both of them out of the circle, Lou’s blood in no more liquid state as they collided with the floor. Liu smiled at him and slowly pulled back, but Lou’s eyes widened, and his lips soon quivered with questions. He pushed into a sitting position. 

Liu pressed their fingers against his lips before slinging their arms over his shoulders. ’You’ll only be plagued with a headache.’ They raised their hand and pointed at his head. ’Leave the cloudiness up there alone for a bit. It won’t hurt you.’

’Why can’t I remember any pain?’ He shakily pushed his own fingers against his lips.

’It didn’t trust me after all,’ Liu whined, leaning back, and clutched their fingers together in their lap, their glance dropping.

’Can you stop calling me that?’

’But…but you aren’t – ‘

’Please, it hurts,’ Lou said and put his hand on top of Liu’s. Their eyes returned with a flicker, uncertainty in their expression, but soon, they squeezed Lou’s hand and returned his uneasy smile.

They stood up, but added Lou should wait for a second. They watched how he climbed to his feet before continuing, ’I’ll take care of your bruises. I should have some stuff right here.’

They turned their back to Lou, their hands already rummaging and searching. They added, he could sit down on the bed when they didn’t hear him move, and Lou did as he was told. He watched Liu crushing, mixing, and stirring several herbs, liquids, and powders. He received their names after he asked for them, but only remembered the crushing sound of Liu’s stirring.

When the product was finished, Liu carried the bowl with them and sat down next to Lou, telling him of the effects. It would sting, but only for a second. Once it was soaked up, which was supposed to happen in the blink of an eye, he’d instantly feel better.

They reached forward to reach his neck, drawing a chunk of the smeary paste from the bowl.

‘You can talk about something if you want.’

Lou jerked away when their fingers connected with his skin, but Liu only drew another chunk of paste from the bowl. He asked for the reason.

Liu shrugged and dabbed against his neck. ’I talk when I take care of my wounds.’

Lou hesitantly stumbled, he didn’t know any topics, but Liu’s answer remained the same; he should think of something he liked.

’I…was working at a tavern, back at my village. I mean – ‘, Lou mumbled quietly and gasped at another of Liu’s touches. ’I had to take care of the owner’s dog the whole day, he did whatever he liked though.’

’I don’t like dogs’, Liu said and made Lou tilt his chin. ’They smell awful, and I can’t perform any rituals with them.’

They let go of his head and bend down to stroke over the healed gash on his ribcage. They applied a thin layer of paste over the scar, and Lou continued through a hiss, ’I don’t mind them usually, but that dog was a beast. Tormenting customers and never staying at his assigned spot.’

’That wasn’t much something you like, hm?’ Liu asked and added some more paste to certain spots, offering it to Lou as well so he could apply it to his hips, their hands staying off them for a reason he wasn’t given.

’I still liked working there…I think.’

Silence grew between them as Liu worked on another bruise they had found, their excitement not pressing Lou into talking anymore.

Lou tried his luck instead, ’Do you have anything else on your mind except rituals and blood?’

He immediately regretted the way he had phrased his question, and warily watched how Liu placed the empty bowl on a small table at the side of the bed.

They looked at him before they answered, ’Mice.’

A second later, their eyes lit up and their lips rose to a smile, ’and you of course, pets are always on my mind.’

They got up, but were stopped by Lou’s fingers, insecurely brushing over their arm. They looked back at him, watching how Lou’s fingers slid around their elbow. As they travelled farther, Lou noticed what they were aiming at.

He was suddenly breathing more heavily, his chest frantic to pump some air into him. His grip tightened. Desperate and pathetic, his whole body screamed for Liu to stay close to him.

’Aww, don’t look like that’, Liu said and sat down in Lou’s lap. His mien swiftly cleared up, replaced by a puzzled look. ’Your reaction is normal.’

Lou wasn’t reassured by that statement; his hands still moved around Liu’s waist on their own. He forced them off them with a shake of his head.

‘It’s your blood,’ Liu explained and forced Lou to look them in the eyes. He had sworn himself to them all; his senses and unconsciousness were merely offering him up.

’That wasn’t included in your explanation’, Lou said and reminded his muscles to let go of Liu’s arms.

’Why do you think your blood is willing keep you alive longer? The Vita I inserted is now wrapped around your heart, making your blood circulate and regenerate faster. Then, you subconsciously react to it. It’s really not that complicated, don’t act stupid now.’

They pulled him closer and whispered in his ear, ’but don’t worry, you’ll only lose control over your body this strongly one time. Right after the ritual. These feelings will fade away with time.’

The touch on his shoulder blades and the quiet breath made him gasp again, his head shaking vigorously to rid himself of the disgusting thought trying to creep into his head. He pushed Liu off, jumping for the door. Running for the kitchen, he prayed no one would follow him, ignoring Liu’s quiet chuckle echoing in his ears.

Chapter Text

Lou’s situation began to feel like normality. To let them drink from him was turning into a habit, and he praised himself for having accustomed to his role as their blood bank. (He called it role because every other term would have blown out the little flame of pride still burning in his heart.)

And as if he was studying his role by the location of that heat, the days went by more easily. The mood of the room was decreasingly less tense since Liu’s ritual, and their words had held true. He didn’t lose control over his body another time. However, the vampires seemed to react to it.

The first few days, his blood had possessed little satisfactory quality. But as the energy around his heart lured them to him, his body had compensated for it, enduring stronger bruises whenever he tried to squirm from their toying bites. He subconsciously supressed most of what happened during the night, whenever the sought him out and demanded a drink or more.

However, often at daytime, when they usually went to sleep, Lou tried to close his eyes as well, and the lock on his thoughts snapped open. Invisible handprints stuck to his skin, and his mind sparked with most vivid pictures of fangs piercing his skin. If he finally found some sleep and woke up the next day, he’d crawl to the couch or sit in some corner, his face lowered into a book. And as that routine continued for a few days, he was developing a feeling of loneliness.

About two days ago, Yppha had sought him out after he hadn’t shown his face at all. A wish had washed over Lou, but Yppha informed him about his scheduled departure. He’d merely asked for some blood before he and Lax, who he hadn’t seen in some time either, had disappeared. With the last chance at easing his boredom gone like that, Lou couldn’t do anything but watch how his sanity slipped a little whenever any of the others looked for him. He fell into a state of mania when Radeel and Deengar barely talked to him anymore, only drank, spat, or hit at him.

Stating as much, he feared for the sticky air to overwhelm his ability to breathe this morning and decided to try his luck. He knocked on Liu’s door. They had locked themselves up for multiple hours, and he felt curious, even though good sense told him to better stay off their radar. Neither sentiment mattered, as only silence returned from the other side of the door. He walked back to the main room.

Radeel had told him not to disturb him when he had disappeared to his room in the early hours of the day. He wouldn’t disobey him. And Taeslir was leaning over some papers on the table. Busy and occupied as he seemed, Lou didn’t dare disturbing him. Although, he believed, he wasn’t the type to violently tell him off.  

And Deengar…well. No.

He settled for cleaning and rearranging the kitchen. Last night, he had left it a mess, and he often searched for everything longer than necessary. As he placed what he needed most somewhere easily accessible, he wondered for what reasons they even possessed one. It was small, still outdating his past one in every aspect, but even then it should’ve been dispensable given their inhuman nature.

When he was done, the companion he had tried to rid himself of stuck to his tail once more. He had miscalculated the time he’d need, and was left with a zest for action without the ability to use it. To add an additional variable to his calculation, preferably increasing the number this time, he looked around the room in search for something else he could do. He had thought about cleaning the hall once, but except for the kitchen, they kept the rooms clean themselves. Books came to his mind, but the few he had found under the table didn’t spark his interest, and reading in general was something he didn’t want to spoil for himself by forcing himself to do it.

Just as he walked back to the kitchen in defeat, a cry shot through the room, ’Will you stop running up and down like a wild chicken?!’

Lou jumped and turned at the noise, his hands fleeing into his shirt as he looked at Taeslir clawing at the backrest of his chair. He had spun around his own axis, glaring at Lou, who quickly stumbled an apology.

Just as he heard Taeslir sighing, preparing to turn around again, he stepped forward. ‘Do you need any help?’

He tensed when Taeslir’s eyes flared a little at another interruption, and tightened the grip on his shirt. When he didn’t react, he added a quiet plea.

He sighed in response, ‘That falls under your request doesn’t it?’

Lou nodded, and smiled when Taeslir said he’d search for something.

After Liu had sent him out of their room the other day, Lou had remembered his request in return for obeying their rules, and had walked to Radeel.

He had asked to treat him humanely. Radeel had raised an eyebrow to that.

Lou had explained, he didn’t want them to neglect him. He couldn’t be left on his own and locked up the whole day without slowly slipping into insanity, and asked to give him the chance to interact with them without fearing to be pushed away.

After he had obtained everyone’s approval, Radeel had agreed, but reminded him, it didn’t have the same value as a rule. They didn’t necessarily need to follow it. Some, like Taeslir and Yppha, took his request to heart and hadn’t refused him so far. Naturally, the exact opposite happened just as well.

’Here,’ Taeslir said and shoved a few papers to Lou across the table. ’Compare this main list –’ he pointed to the largest paper with tiny words on it – ’with these smaller ones.’ His finger landed on a stack of square papers. ’If there’s something wrong, write it down on a different sheet.’

Lou watched how he returned to what he was doing before he picked up a pencil. The large sheet was categorized into several troupes and stations. Names were written under each of them in neat, but tiny handwriting with a letter and number. Taeslir had written something on the smaller sheets. The letter stood at the top, while the numbers dropped down the list in descending order with the corresponding name to them. After some further inspection Lou grasped a system, and got his hands to work.

He tried to be careful, not to smudge any of the letters, as he worked the lists off. Once done, a couple of hours had passed, and Lou leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms over his head. He verbalised his finish and stood up.

Taeslir looked at him walking to the kitchen, and picked his scribbled notes off the table.

’You actually found some?’ He questioned, frowning at the paper in his hand. The moment Lou returned with a glass of water in his hand, he had already begun checking them.

’I couldn’t find these two anywhere,’ Lou answered and pointed to the mentioned names, ’and with these other two I think the order is wrong.’

Taeslir checked on each of the names Lou had written down, and rubbed over his temples as he couldn’t find them either. He hadn’t thought he had messed them up this bad, he admitted, and pulled the needed sheets toward him.

’There were surely about a hundred names on that list. Why would you feel bad for three small mistakes?’

Taeslir glanced at him in response. If Lou’s eyes didn’t betray him, a small smile played around his lips.

’One hundred and thirty-seven, actually’, he corrected him, ‘and even the smallest mistake is still a mistake.’

’Well, nothing happened, right? Nobody noticed.’

’Because pets don’t count?’

Lou smiled, but hid his bottom lip behind the glass in his hand. ’No, because the pet won’t tell anyone.’

Taeslir clearly smiled at him this time, and looked as if he wanted to say something else, but a growl from upstairs pulled their glances away. Heavy footsteps stomped down the stairs, and Deengar rushed around the corner, yelling something about a dagger.

’Which one?’ Taeslir asked and told him to calm down at the same time.

Deengar almost jumped at him. ’As if I could, when I can’t find it anywhere!’

As Taeslir raised his eyebrows at him, he backed down and said it was his black one, with the black blade. He had used it yesterday. Taeslir shrugged and explained, he hadn’t seen it; it hadn’t been on the table when he had come down. Deengar slammed his hands on the table and caused Lou to jump in his seat.

Somehow, he still found his voice in his throat, after that. He looked at Taeslir as he mumbled, ‘I saw Liu running off with a black blade into their room earlier.’

Deengar’s eyes widened before he rushed off again, an insult tearing from his throat. As another slithered over his lips, he ordered them to open the door, but no one answered his call. He slammed his hands against the door instead.

’What happened?’

Taeslir explained it to Radeel, who had appeared in the hallway leading to his room, and a sigh dropped from his lips. He walked toward the cause of his disturbance and told Deengar to return to the main hall without another word. With a huff, Deengar reappeared in the room and slumped down on one of the chairs.

Lou stared at him for a second. Unlike Taeslir who had returned to his papers without a worry in his glance. Something besides anger glistened in his eyes, maybe a tint of shame, now that Radeel had sent him back. Lou smiled a little at the thought.

‘What the fuck are you staring at?’

The gesture immediately dropped, and his glance scuttled away. He stumbled an apology, but Deengar didn’t hear him anymore as he jumped from his seat and rushed away once he spotted Radeel and Liu walking in. He eyed his dagger in Liu’s hands, yelling for an explanation.

’I…It was – ,‘ Liu mumbled, but swallowed their words and held out the dagger. Their glance gave way under Deengar’s glare on them. ‘I fixed it.’

Deengar yanked the weapon from their grip and eyed it. Once he had tilted it around, his glance flickered to Liu in confusion.

’The tape around the handle came loose…I noticed, so I reattached it.’ They carefully looked up again. ’I’ll tell you next time.’

Deengar was still inspecting the blade. As he remained silent, Radeel cleared his throat and tipped his head to the side, whispering Deengar’s name.

’Sorry’, he whispered, but Radeel tilted his head even further, the colour in his eyes strengthening, ‘…thanks.’

’Good’, Radeel ended their argument and clapped his hands together. ’Try to avoid yelling next time, would you?’

He left without another word, heading to his room. Liu also fled, locking the door behind them.

Taeslir smiled suddenly, and leaned back in his chair. He hung his head over the backrest and looked at Deengar before he mocked, ’Is someone dealing with severe anger issues again?’

Lou had hardly processed the sentence when Deengar already stood behind Taeslir. His claws pressed against his throat, just tracing the sensitive skin, as he held him in place. A shaky breath tore from Taeslir’s lips as he stared into Deengar’s eyes above him.

Deengar leaned down and brushed Taeslir temple with his lips, ‘What’s up with the bratty attitude?’, he scratched over Taeslir throat, but didn’t draw blood. ’Do I need to drill some manners into you, Tae?’

Taeslir whimpered softly, and pulled his legs up to his chest. He closed his eyes, and pressed against the hot breath on his temple. When Deengar pulled away a little to directly lean over his face, he weakly slung his fingers around his wrist. ’I need to finish this…and correct something.’

’Till when?’, Deengar wanted to know and readjusted his fingers.

’In the evening. Radeel wants to look through them.’

Deengar sighed and moved back, smiling at Taeslir catching a much louder noise in his throat. He placed his legs on the floor again and reached for the pen, his hand trembling.

’You come with me, then.’ Deengar threw his glance at Lou and folded his arms over another on the rest of Taeslir’s chair. As Lou’s eyes widened, he huffed and moved to Taeslir side. ’What? You aren’t needed here, and I’m sure I can have some fun with you ‘till I can do Taeslir.’

He looked down on the other, waiting for an approving response, but Taeslir writhed and curled his fingers over his face, hiding a blush. Deengar grinned at him before he ordered Lou to follow him, and was off without waiting for his reply.

Lou remained seated, unable to move after him. He’d wanted to avoid him the most out of them all. He was too naïve when thinking approaching them and asking for help wouldn’t backfire.

He flinched at Taeslir’s hiss of his name, and looked up at him tipping his head into the direction Deengar had gone. As he stood up, his knees shook a little, and he pressed his hands against the table to push away. He rushed around the corner and climbed upstairs on weak legs. Once upstairs, he spotted an open door at the right wall down the hallway. He stepped closer with a thump in his chest, peeking inside like the afraid animal he was supposed to be.

Though he hadn’t really thought about what Deengar’s room looked like, he had expected it to be less spacious, more chaotic, and less…red. A carpet, the bedsheets, and the wall opposite the door shared the same dark tone of it.

As Deengar angrily called for him from inside, Lou jumped into the room and closed the door behind him. The rest of the room was closer to his expectations. Several weapons, varying from small daggers to a broad, heavy claymore, were scattered around the floor and on some cupboards. However, despite their arrangement seeming chaotic, Lou believed to make out some order after he took a closer look.

At the command to free his neck, Lou looked up. His glance met Deengar’s back for a second, but he averted them and began unbuttoning his blouse. Since the weapons seemed to be something Deengar valued, he decided to raise his voice, ’Can you fight with all of them?’

Deengar threw his glance at him. ’You think I can’t?’

’No, no, I never said! I didn’t mean it like that! They just – they seem very different from another. I think you’re talented if you’ve mastered them all.’ Lou hectically pulled on his buttons to make sure Deengar didn’t think he had disobeyed him. He didn’t notice that Deengar’s glance returned to the closet in front of him.

’I can fight with all of them,’ he answered, and pulled something out from the bottom, ’and they all have blades – if someone can’t master them all, they’re not worthy of wielding a sword.’

Lou halted and frowned. As he noticed the look on his face, he threw his glance to the floor. Upon Deengar’s order, he turned around upon and hissed when he tied his arms together behind his back. They scratched over his upper arm, as he had exposed his entire shoulder. Some knots pressed against his spine as Deengar slung the rope around his torso, pulling them tighter at specific places.

Lou’s heart skipped a beat when Deengar bent down again and picked at a few other items within his closet. He called for him, telling him to halt, but Deengar ignored him. He blindfolded him before he forced a thick cloth in between his teeth, tightening it to a knot behind his head. Lou yelled for him again, but the sound turned incomprehensible with the cloth in his mouth, and Deengar threw him to the floor.

Lou flinched when Deengar wrapped his hand around his throat. ’Will you shut up?’

He sobbed loudly in response, but the noise was obstructed again, and Deengar threw him off his knees. His cheek brushed the carpet as a scream teared from his lips. Rolling to his side, his muscles ached, and his skin burned underneath the tight rope. He tried to sit up, but whenever he only needed one last push, a knot painfully pressed against his spine, and he flopped back down.

At Deengar’s cold touch on his shoulder, he winced and jerked, trying to fight him as he flipped him to his stomach. He yelled another plea and his name, but Deengar stemmed his arms against his shoulder blade and sucked his breath out of his lungs. Followingly, Lou couldn’t even yelp as he bit his neck.

He was trembling, and violently pulled on the restraints, trashing under Deengar’s weight. With tears in his eyes, he felt his lungs faltering, a sting suddenly shooting through his chest. He choked on another plea, but Deengar deepened the bite and sent a freezing sting through him. In a line, it was twizzling across his body. As it touched a nerve on his hip, Lou yelled for Deengar to stop until he didn’t have a breath left in his lung.

He choked on nothing. Another cry teared from his throat. Sharp as razor blades, they scratched through his windpipe and over his lips. He hyperventilated when the pain forced a cry from his lips. The blindfold had wettened, and stung in his eyes. He could only wordlessly sob.  

However, Deengar finally noticed those noises, or, maybe, just the tremble that covered Lou’s entire body. He pulled away and dropped Lou to the floor, sighing before he cut the cloth from his cheek.

Lou gasped for air, his neck burning, his lung like a knife in his chest. He couldn’t get his breaths under control. They turned into sobs as Deengar pulled him to his knees, and he flinched when he removed the blindfold, tears immediately rolling down his cheeks.

As Deengar forced him to look at him, he shook his head and found his voice again, ’I’m sorry! – Deengar – sorry! Please, please!’

Deengar sighed and pulled his cheek onto his shoulder, wrapping his arms around him to loosen the rope. Figuring he’d need to untie him, he couldn’t turn Lou around and remove the rope as easily as he had tied them around him. He’d have fallen over, his knees too weak to support him even now as Deengar had to hold him by his shoulders to remove the slings around his torso.

Something was ringing in Lou’s ear. He was convinced it was just his imagination, but couldn’t make it stop. His throat burned as he gulped at the saltiness on his lips. He was still trembling. It only strengthened with every sling that Deengar loosened, and his chest heaved heavily with the new space. Everything burned, from his lung to his head and eyes. Yet he couldn’t stop crying, or breathing, or fearing.

Once the rope came loose entirely, he slung his arms around Deengar, and clawed at his shirt. ’Sorry! Please, don’t – don’t be mad. Deengar…sorry – ‘

’Calm down before you speak.’

Lou buried his nose into Deengar’s blouse, trying to shake his head. ‘Please, don’t get mad. Please, don’t!’

’I’m not mad,’ Deengar sighed and pulled on Lou’s arms again. ‘You better let go of me, if you want to keep it like that.’

He pushed him off and rose to his feet, throwing the rope to the carpet at Lou’s side. Lou turned his head, watching how he left the room, and scuttled to the bed, leaning his back against the frame. He pulled his legs to his chest and slung his arms around his thighs. Wiping the tears from his swollen eyes, he took a few steadying breaths. He wanted to have calmed down before Deengar returned.

However, since the vampire returned faster than what his human thinking had made him suspect, Lou flinched when the door closed. His glance rose to a glass of water in Deengar’s hand, and he slowly pulled his hand out from under his knee to take it from him. By thanking him quietly, he earned a huff, ’Radeel told me, I’d need to take care of you if I broke you. Don’t think this is about you.’

Deengar walked around him and sat down on the edge of the bed. He looked down on him before he asked what his problem was.

‘I panicked.’

’No shit. I asked why, idiot.’

Lou glanced up at him. He had placed one foot on the bed, his arm resting on his knee while the other stemmed against the mattress. His eyes were the reason Lou averted himself again. He watched the water swapping around in his shaking hands as he answered, ’You didn’t give me any option to stop you from – ‘

’Do I need to?’ Deengar cut him off, and Lou looked up again.

He shivered as he slid his teeth across his fangs, seemingly grinning at him. He had a feeling he didn’t expect an actual answer, but he still pushed away from the bedframe to face him and raised his voice, ’Listen…please –’ he forced himself to look at him – ’I agreed to this, Deengar. I said I’d obey you, but I can’t behave like you want me to if you force yourself on me without the slightest chance of objecting.’

They stared at each other. Deengar’s expression was unreadable. Lou mused, it didn’t matter what he had said, and dropped his eyes to the glass in his hands. He was convinced Deengar would just hit him and proceed with him as he liked.

’So, you want me to let you object?’

Lou’s eyes widened, but he quickly shook his head and explained it to him again, ’I won’t refuse whatever you want to do. I just – I need to be able to ask you to do it slower or even stop for some time.’

His fingers pressed around the glass and tears started to well at the corners of his eyes. He didn’t need to look at Deengar for scenarios to start playing out in his head, making him regret his request.

Hence, the simple approval of the other made his thoughts halt; his glance rushing upward.

’Wipe that look off your face and get up before I change my mind’, Deengar growled and pushed himself off the bed, picking up the blindfold from the floor. ’I’ll continue with what I wanted earlier. If you can’t bear it, tell me, but don’t you dare and test my kindness.’

His bites didn’t decrease in strength and pain, let alone menace. Lou’s back was pressed against the wall, his knee bending as little as Deengar’s body allowed. He had pressed himself against him.

His shirt stuck to his back because of a disgusting film of sweat, probably glistening on his skin. Deengar had pushed his head to the side, exposing a cruelly broad opening on his neck. His muscles tensed all by themselves in this position, and the slightest move hurt like needles piercing his artery.

Deengar needed to hold him down as he suddenly flinched, a hand wrapping around the back of his neck, the other pinning him even stronger against the wall by his wrist. He whimpered at the pressure, and Deengar deepened the bite, his hip pushing against Lou’s stomach. The blindfold was wrapped around his eyes, and the blackness increased the dread pounding in his chest as he couldn’t see where Deengar would touch or push into him.

After some gulps, Deengar removed his hand from his wrist, but Lou’s hand remained glued to the wall. While tracing his claws over his skin, a cold tease that didn’t even try to scratch him, he pulled out his teeth and placed his other hand on Lou’s hip. As he leaned closer, he pressed down on him, sure to leave bruises on his skin. He leaned in and whispered next to his ear, ’If you’re thinking this couldn’t get worse, I must disappoint you.’

Lou heard the grin through his voice and gulped, the spot on his neck feeling numb as his muscles tensed. A shiver ran down his spine when Deengar continued, telling him about their usual hunting techniques in gruesome detail. ‘Some call it a trap. One that only allows your release in death –‘ he pressed his hand against Lou’s throat, tracing his claws over his windpipe – ‘as you go limp. Life slowly dripping out of you…’

Lou couldn’t contain his cry when Deengar’s hand slipped to his scalp, pulling on his hair. He held him in place for a bit, his eyes flickering over him. When he seemed satisfied, he didn’t fully remove his hand. He loosened the grip, his fingers remaining at the back of Lou’s head, and cut the blindfold in half.

Lou flinched as he felt a tiny scratch on his temple, but opened his eyes as soon as it had fallen to the floor. Trying to turn away, he whimpered when Deengar tilted his chin toward him.

His gaze flickered to Lou’s lips. ‘You don’t taste blood as we do, right?’

A grin run over his lips before he pressed his thumb against them. While keeping eye contact with Lou, he raised his bloodied fingertip to his lips, pulling on his bottom lip. The taste was metallic and gross, but Lou didn’t dare to pull away.

It disappeared as Deengar pushed him against the wall. ‘A shame.’

He let go off Lou and stood up, returning to his weapons. Lou glanced after him as no command followed his actions. On wobbly legs, he crept to his feet and out of the room, not daring to glance back another time. He stemmed his hand against the wall, limping toward the stairs as he wanted to lie down on one of the sofas in the main hall.

But his sight suddenly swam away to his front, and he closed his eyes, shutting the turmoil of colours and lights. He considered turning back. Briefly. But his step faltered, and his hand slipped of the wall, his pain suddenly easing.

When he regained consciousness, he was in someone’s bed – convinced he wasn’t the one who had brought him here.

Chapter Text

It was dull; Lou’s mind, the numbing shiver running over his body, and (once again) the ceiling. Aimlessly staring at it once again, his eyes didn’t want to close, and he couldn’t find sleep for another night in a row. He blinked and turned his head, the muscles in his neck aching from constantly lying on them. Despite the soothing cup of tea he had drunk, his throat ached, a scratch plaguing him whenever he gulped at the dryness.

He jumped at a chilling touch on his cheek, and his eyes shot open. He had hardly been anywhere near falling asleep, but now he was wide awake. Wanting to shy away from the cool temperature, he stretched his muscles, but moved into the opposite direction. His burning skin appreciated the equalizer.

Yppha sighed and placed his hand on Lou’s forehead. ‘I told you to sleep.’

Lou weakly pushed against his palm, and Yppha shook his head. Brushing away some sticky hair strands from Lou’s eyes, he tried again, ‘How are you supposed to get better if you’re unwilling to sleep?’

Lou’s sickness had started shortly before Yppha and Lax had returned. To his favour, since everyone else had been at loss of words at the sight of him fainting in front of them. He had tried to hide his emerging cold, but as they insatiably sucked his blood, he had simply shut off at some point. Yppha had comprehend the situation and brought him to his room. As he had decided to stay by his side, he had entrusted Taeslir with the task he and Lax had originally been assigned. Since then, two days had passed, and Lou had developed a fever.

He tried to shift closer to Yppha’s hand, whispering, ‘I’m cold’, but Yppha retreated. Lou whined as his muscles refused to chase after him.

‘You’re burning up,’ Yppha said and pulled the blankets off Lou’s upper body. ‘You need to cool down, even if you’re feeling cold.’

‘Don’t – ‘ Lou shook his head, and gritted his teeth as the movement seemed to violently pull him side to side – ‘please, leave it there.’

He tried to pull on the sheets, but Yppha held it in place, explaining he couldn’t, otherwise he’d heat up to a point where he couldn’t help him.

Lou sighed and slung his arms around Yppha’s above his chest. ‘You could just move closer.’ He squeezed him. ‘That’ll have the same effect.’

Lou blinked expectantly as he thought to hear Yppha sigh, and opened his eyes again. Ever since a few hours ago, he didn’t clearly hear sounds that were below normal speaking volume, and he had thought that he had imagined Yppha’s reaction. However, as he watched him lying down, his hand sliding under the covers, he smiled and pushed closer.

Yppha waited until he seemed to be comfortable before hugging him to his chest. ‘Close your eyes now. I want you to sleep.’

In their tight embrace, the tension crawled out of Lou’s body. Regular sniffs and coughs still escaped him, and he snuggled closer, trying to hide an emerging tremble. As Yppha soothingly stroked over the back of his hand, he figured he’d noticed and sighed quietly. His mind and dread eased by the gesture, but his cold wasn’t as merciful, and he coughed violently once more.

‘Sorry, Yppha.’

‘It’s not your fault, don’t worry.’ He pulled on Lou’s waist lightly as he wondered out loud why he had suddenly fallen sick. ‘I’m sorry myself, I don’t remember what made me feel better when I was sick.’

Lou pressed closer before he whispered, ‘Can you even catch a cold?’

Yppha chuckled lightly in response, and blamed Lou’s sickness for the question. ‘I’m talking about when I was human.’ He chuckled again when Lou seemed honestly confused, but continued, ‘We all were, except for Radeel and Laxseau. Aren’t there any stories about that?’ But like I said, I don’t remember that time very clearly.’

‘Oh…okay then,’ Lou mechanically responded, his voice barely above a whisper, and pressed into the crook of Yppha’s neck. He was trembling, but as he cooled his forehead a little on the other’s skin, he finally calmed down.

Yppha pulled him closer after he coughed once more, gently rubbing his back. When he noticed that Lou’s breathing had steadied, and his eyelids weren’t fluttering that heavily anymore, he pulled back. A quiet call for him affirmed his assumption; he was finally asleep.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

The well-needed rest was hardly enough. The room spun when he opened his eyes, but their closed state wasn’t much likeable either. He felt like his whole body was violently pulled back and forth whenever he closed them.

The room itself wasn’t as dark anymore, he noticed after some time. The walls shimmered in a greyish, white tone, and the air seemed fresher. Livelier. He rolled over to his other side, noticed that Yppha wasn’t in the bed with him anymore, and spotted some drawn back curtains. The pale moonlight was shining through the window, and threw shadows behind the small table in the corner. It was standing before a small sofa, their arrangement homely and comforting, its colour a light beige. They seemed just fitting for Yppha’s small room, unlike the rather huge desk opposite of them. Fully enlightened by the light, it stood to the wall where the shadows lost their lives.  

Lou was staring mindlessly. Energized by the forgotten phenomenon, he pushed his feet out of the bed and placed them on the floor. It didn’t freeze his bare soles. Everything felt warm and safe as a soft breeze made the curtains flutter, and a tender breeze sailed over his arms.

He tumbled to the opened shutters, his strength barely sufficing. As soon as he could reach it, he grabbed onto the windowsill for support and stemmed himself upright. He leaned his whole weight against it, just to keep his head upright. Just to catch a brief view of something he hardly remembered.

Mountains glistened with snow in the distance, humongous and sharp. Even from here, the comparingly tiny window, he felt their intimidating aura. Anyone was told to avoid these monstrous places, but stories always slithered into villages, and Lou had found himself fascinated by them. However, the feeling wasn’t strong enough to let himself be drawn to them like many self-proclaimed adventurers did. If they followed their call, never again were they heard of.

A forest surrounded the entire building, huge and thick. Surely, most of the trees were older than the house’s residents. They scattered along the flat field and some small hills farther away. Lou had never been this far out of town, he mused. He had never seen anything other than civilisation.

The clicking of the lock made him jump. Yet as he turned his head, he realised he had too little time on his hands and froze. Only after Yppha had opened the door, he timidly whispered his name.

He rushed toward him without having properly seen his silhouette in the window frame. Steadying his suddenly weak knees, he pulled him onto the windowsill.

Lou panicked and tightened his grip on Yppha’s shoulders. ‘I didn’t try to escape! You’ve got to –‘

‘I didn’t assume that.’ Yppha smiled and let go of him. ‘You’d be plain stupid to try jumping from here.’

Lou turned his head at his words and shuddered, immediately clinging back to Yppha’s shoulders.

‘Don’t worry, I won’t drop you,’ Yppha chuckled and slung his arm around his waist, placing his chin on his hand, his gaze travelling into the distance. ‘It was quite warm outside. I thought some fresh air might help you. To think you’d stand up and walk to the window…’

Lou gulped and held onto Yppha’s arm. ‘I can’t recall the last time I was outside. It tempted me…I’m sorry if I did it without permission.’

’Don’t worry about that,’ Yppha said and turned to face him. ’As long as you do as I say when I tell you to, I don’t mind.’

’But you told me to stay in bed.’

He cocked his head slightly. ’Almost sounds like you want me to punish you.’

Lou quickly averted his eyes. ‘I don’t want that…’

Yppha smiled again and let his gaze sway. After some time, he mumbled they’d still need to get him back into bed and picked Lou up.

The sheets still felt warm when he put him down, but a sticky wetness had soaked through them. However, Lou barely pulled them over himself. He watched how Yppha sat down next to him.

’If you sleep some more, I’ll let you leave the bed in the morning. And I’ll ask Radeel if we can arrange some, well, outdoor time.’

Lou had already closed his eyes, but mumbled a quiet word of gratitude, and slung his arms around Yppha’s arm. He had felt awake earlier, but after some time his exhaustion returned, and his mind came to rest once more; faster and less forced than before.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

’Of course, it’s organised. What are you talking about?’ Liu said and jolted from the chair.

Lax sighed and clasped a handful of his hair in his fist. He leaned his temple on his hand and turned to the others.

’Can I hit them?’ Deengar questioned, but fell silent and looked away when Taeslir denied him.

Before Lax had the chance to seek out his helping hand, Taeslir apologised and dedicated his attention to some papers on the table. He was always surrounded by at least five of them or a book. Even though he seemed to have finished what he had been working on recently when he returned with Lax, Lou immediately found him with a different stack of papers.

Liu held their chin up high as they triumphed, ’See? Even Taeslir doesn’t agree with you.’

’Oh, I do agree with Laxseau in every possible way,’ Taeslir responded as he searched for something among the papers. ’I just don’t see the point in this argument if you could simply go and do what he asked you to.’

Liu whined, ’but cleaning is boring, and I hate it. I can’t just ‘simply’ do it.’

’But it’s necessary for order! Liu just – ugh…’, Lax complained and stemmed his head against his hands. ’Don’t your rituals only work in a well-organized area, too?’

’I do understand what you decided to call chaos, so they work perfectly fine.’

Lax sighed in defeat. He was disappointed, he added, but didn’t seem to care for the outcome of their argument any longer. He still asked if Liu would change their mind if he got Radeel’s opinion. They said he wouldn’t care – the room was theirs. With a final sigh, Lax gave in and dropped the topic.

’Would you clean if I helped you?’ Lou asked, confidence shining through his statement. Hollowly – too hollowly to remain when he met their eyes.

Liu shook their head. ’I can’t put such a strain on you, when you’ve only been feeling better for two days.’

’But I’m feeling better, and I can’t just sit – ‘

’That was a no, wasn’t it?’ Lax cut him off, leaning back in his seat.

’I actually think some movement would help him recover faster,’ Yppha piped up from across the room. He had walked in a moment ago and was buttoning up his blouse. He looked messy and exhausted, and Lou believed to spot some red marks on his neck.

He approached them and added, ’and Radeel just told me, you should listen to the others.’

Liu sighed and wanted to know how he had found out about it. (To which Lax reminded them, they’d not been able to reach them for the past couple of days because they couldn’t even open the door to their room. Liu ignored his explanation, again complaining about how tiring cleaning was.)

Yppha smiled at their dispute and walked to Lou’s side. ’Are you feeling well enough to spare me some blood?’

He mumbled a soft agreement, and Yppha moved closer to pull his shirt away from his neck.

At this point, he had accustomed to their bites. He didn’t flinch anymore when their teeth pierced him and although their sucking still felt anything but pleasant, he’d managed to understand how and when each of their bites hurt him the most.

Radeel’s often remained entirely harmless if he managed to appear unafraid. He’d simply still his thirst without spending much thought on Lou. If he didn’t…well, he had got away with petty wounds and tears in his eyes. Like always when it was Deengar who bit him.

Yppha was the most careful. He refrained from holding Lou in place like the others, only placing his hands on him to prevent any jerky movement. His bites still hurt a little every time.

Taeslir and Lax were neutral. They both had some special habits; Taeslir sucked fast and emotionless (which simply meant no talking and no repeated biting in between) while Lax was never satisfied with any spot and always settled for Lou’s arm in the end. But neither of them specifically hurt him.

The one who concerned him most was Liu. They’d either be the friendliest, even exceeding Yppha at certain times, or the worst of them all. When their temper teetered on dangerous ground, their biting tended to be messy and agonizingly cruel. Lou had got away with ugly wounds. But as he’d always be comforted by them at the end, Liu wasn’t the last place on his list. (Yppha would’ve scolded him if he found out he picked favourites in terms of biting, but Lou had decided on not telling anyone.)

Yppha retreated at some point, the coldness leaving with him. The dispute around the table had settled as well, and Liu ordered to follow him. The door hardly opened, as Lax had mentioned, and once they stood inside Lou’s eyes widened, his breath hitching. None of the ideas he had come up with corresponded to what he was looking at.

Irresponsible and harmful. He couldn’t say anything else about it.

Liu told him to pick up the books that were scattered all around the floor and bed. They didn’t want him to touch any ingredients or ritualistic utensils.

Lou climbed over to their bed, a few books already in his hands. ‘Do you want me to order them in a specific way?’

Liu shrugged, their back turned toward him, and tried to open a cupboard. They only repeatedly hit it against some metallic object on the floor.

In silence, they started working. When Lou encountered difficulties defining the subject of a book, he hesitantly raised his voice. Liu didn’t seem to mind as they told him what the unidentifiable books were used for, and Lou found his questions easier.

’That one?’

’Some plants and potions, I think.’

’And that?’

’Oh, that’s on accelerating the speed of our self-healing.’

’You can speed that up?’ Lou’s eyes widened, and he placed the book next to some others he had categorized as ‘healing and health’.

’Of course. It’s fairly easy actually. Just ram a sharp stick of glass which contains some of the person’s Vita right into the heart. That’s it, I always do that, but it’s quite dangerous if you do it wrong.’

They rambled on about what else they stored in their vials, and what said vials could be used for. Overflooded with words, Lou mused he didn’t like the way most of Liu’s spells and sorceries worked, but he had witnessed their ability in them once, and somehow he easily trusted their words and promises.

 At another book, he frowned and turned to Liu. ’I… – I can’t read that one.’

Liu climbed over and grabbed it from him. They barely even looked at it before they handed it back. ’Oh, yeah, I can’t either.’

The embarrassed blush on Lou’s cheeks faded. He expressed his confusion instead.

’I don’t even know why I have that book,’ Liu replied and crouched down in front of a cupboard. Multiple empty bowls fell out, and they sighed. ‘It’s somewhere from the Far East. They speak a different language there. It’s really widespread over there and the only language spoken. I believe no ordinary person would understand our language, but I wish I understood theirs.’

They told him to just place it somewhere at the end or bottom of the shelf; they had no use for it.

As the hours passed, the cupboards and shelves filled with materials, and both sighed contently. Once done completely, Liu swirled around the new space and smiled. ‘I dislike cleaning, but this isn’t all too bad.’

They had managed to make the room appear habitable again. It looked quite pleasant. Somehow, Liu’s room seemed built for all those strange objects and disturbing substances. Against the peculiarity of the scribbled notes that stuck to the walls and the strange symbol on the floor, they appeared as ordinary as ever. Even the gloomy violet of the bedsheets looked fitting when looking at the room in this light.

Idyllic might have been the word Lou’d have used for a description. As strange as that sounded in his own ears.

He sat down on the bed and smiled. ’I’m glad you like it.’

He had done most of the work for the latter half of the time as Liu had simply refused to touch anything else. They had ordered him around instead.

’I can go now, right?’ Lou asked.

They nodded absentmindedly, pulled out a few drawers, and scrabbled some words into a small book. Lou knew what happened if he interrupted them during something concerning their interests (Yppha had casually told him about it when he had asked. In gruesome detail.), so he quickly left and carried the silence with him.  

As they didn’t openly display a clock, he never knew what time it was, but his exhaustion and growling stomach let him assume just how long they had been at their activity. On tired feet, he walked to the kitchen.

He hardly ever chose any time-consuming dish to prepare. Not that he knew many of that sort anyway. In most cases, his lack of energy was the reason, but lately he had found himself unmotivated to eat anything at all. But with his stomach empty, and a faint feeling of sickness still clinging to him, he forced himself to at least prepare something warm. His hands quickly hovered over some pots and pans, the ingredients turning to an enjoyable dish as time went on.

’Are Liu and you done yet?’

Startled, Lou jumped and dropped the wooden spoon in his hand. Radeel raised an eyebrow at him as he picked it up. It rose even higher when Lou approved his question.

The expression dropped when he grinned at him and said, ’Then, come to my room after you’re finished.’

He set out to walk to his room, but stopped himself and turned around once more. His eyes roamed over Lou once before he looked back up. A slight squint stuck to them when he added, ’and clean yourself first, would you?’

He was off without waiting for an answer.

Lou could hear his door fly shut a moment later, and harshly squeezed the spoon in his hands.  Multiple scenarios raced through his head, leading to him aimlessly poking at his dish. It went cold before he could finish it.

As he’d agree to obeying him, he did exactly that. After he washed and put away the plate, he took a shower. He had hoped his thoughts would disappear once he stepped into the tub, but they did quite the opposite. To escape them, he showered quicker, and once he stepped outside and grabbed a towel, he froze, realising just what that had resulted in.

With his head hung low, he trotted to Radeel’s room, the door opening all by itself when he stood in front of it. Peeking inside, he didn’t spot Radeel anywhere, and his hands fled into his shirt.

’Visiting me in such a frightened state, why’s that?’

The voice came from within the room, and Lou hastened inside. He closed the door behind him without being asked to; he had picked up some of their habits, and one of them was to never let doors opened. A while ago, he had noticed their obvious dislike of anything closable not being in such a state. Each of them would shut it with no hesitation, even if it was merely a small chest.

Radeel was leaning over a small cupboard to his left, rummaging through a small drawer. As he didn’t raise his voice another time, Lou remained perfectly still. Indeed, too scared to raise his voice.

Radeel threw his head into his neck, glancing at Lou over his shoulder. ’Your heart might actually jump out of your chest if you don’t calm down.’

He squinted at him, and threw the drawer shut when Lou still didn’t respond. His lips twitched at Lou’s flinch, a whispered apology following suit. As he walked toward him, Lou stumbled back a couple of steps, hitting the wall behind him.

Radeel leaned over him, his hand resting next to his head on the wall. ’You’re really scared of me, aren’t you?’

Lou shivered, but averted his gaze. The words flowing from his mouth were incomprehensible.

Radeel sighed. ’I’m not planning on hurting you.’ He removed his hand and walked to the bed. ’ You can relax, Lou.’

Collecting what was left of his scattered courage, Lou approached him and sat down next to him. With another apology, he presented his reasoning.

’It’s been quite some time, I agree,’ Radeel replied and bent backward to look at the ceiling, ’but that’s also the reason why I wanted to see you.’

Their eyes connected, and Lou quickly nodded. He asked if he could keep sitting upright when Radeel started climbing on top of him. He stared at him for a moment before he sat back down.

Smilingly, he leaned back. ’Come here, then.’

Lou shifted closer, and gasped when Radeel pulled him into his lap. His hands moved over his shoulders, grasping at something he could bury his nails into, but Radeel pushed one of them away and placed it on his waist. He moved his own around Lou’s back and the back of his neck.

Living up to his word, his bite barely hurt, and his sucking remained slow and unbothersome. Lou’s chin rested on his shoulder, his fingers ghostly tracing some lines over Radeel’s back, and he held him in place. He didn’t notice when Radeel’s fangs left his skin, so he remained in that position. He smiled as some words of gratitude echoed in his mind for Radeel keeping his promise.

’Thanking me for sucking on you?’ Radeel raised an eyebrow. ‘What a peculiar reaction…’

He chuckled when Lou jolted away from him, his eyes wide open. With a grin, he stemmed his arms against the mattress behind his back and observed him. As he only panicked more with every breath that fled him, Radeel raised his voice again. ’I’ve been thinking about what Yppha requested, you know…’

Lou’s eyes flickered to him, and he froze. A horrified expression slithered over his face. ‘It’s unnecessary! Please, don’t mind what he –‘

Radeel squeezed his hand, and Lou fell silent. He tipped his head to the side a little. When Lou averted himself at the gesture, he bend forward, trying to catch a glimpse of his eyes. ’I’d never turn down a wish if I were you.’

’A wish doesn’t require a compensation,’ Lou whispered, pulling his hand out of Radeel’s grip.

Radeel sighed and leaned back once more. ’You’re making it difficult for yourself sometimes.’

He had already decided on an answer anyway, he added, and Lou’s gaze snapped back at him.

A familiar expression danced around Radeel’s lips before he sat up in one quick go. He leaned over Lou’s neck, running his finger over the small, red dots he had left, his free hand wrapping around Lou’s lower back. ’Too bad, my decision is unnecessary…right?’

’I don’t want – I’m scared, my answer doesn’t please you…’

’We’ve reached honesty at last. Why don’t you go on?’

Lou shivered at Radeel’s breath hitting his skin. The words fled him as if in a rush.

He didn’t want to ruin what he had achieved with a wrong request or statement. Radeel acting as the head of them only made him more anxious to behave the wrong way. He’d love to get outside, he admitted, but if the price for his request was a change in their actions, he’d not want it.

’I like the way it is now.’

Lou took a deep breath and cleared his mind. To his regret though, because he blushed as he realised what he had said and fled into Radeel’s shoulder with a soft sob. Radeel chuckled as his fingers scratched away on his back.

’I’ll let you outside,’ he answered and pushed Lou off him, holding him by his arms, ’and nothing will change.’

Their eyes stayed locked for a few, calming breaths before Lou nodded. He shakily climbed out of Radeel’s lap and pulled his crossed legs toward him. He asked for the condition for Radeel’s offer.

’Information.’ Radeel smiled, and his eyes flared. ’I want to experience what coldness feels like.’ He crawled over, grabbed Lou by the shoulders and pushed them both to the mattress. ’You’ll describe it to me.’

He got up, leaving Lou on the bed. He didn’t dare go after him, so he only turned his head, and watched how Radeel carried a small bucket from his bathroom inside. After he plumped down next to him, he removed the lid, revealing a few ice cubes. ’A phenomenon right at hand can be described more vividly and accurately, don’t you think?’

He pulled out one of the cubes and twirled it on his fingers.

Lou moved up slowly to take a glance into the wooden container, a question burning on is tongue. He looked at Radeel with big eyes. ’Will you stop when I tell you to?’

He nodded, but added he’d only want the ice to touch his arm and neck. For entertainment reasons. Lou nodded as well, and followed the expected, following command. As he loosened his shirt, Radeel picked up a different cube.

With his blouse removed from one half of his body, Lou felt his body heating up. He placed his hand on his thigh, his palm facing up. ‘I don’t even know how to describe coldness other than…being cold.’

He jumped when Radeel pressed the cube to his wrist, and Radeel smiled before he assured him he’d be fine with whatever came to his mind. As he told him to keep his hand still, Lou suspected him of solely wanting to enjoy himself. His attention was entirely drawn to the ice cube on his skin. When it reached his elbow, Lou jerked again, and apologised, embarrassed about his incapability to control himself. Radeel said he needn’t worry and should describe the feeling instead.

’It’s cold…’

’That’s the point of this, yes.’

’It stings a bit, I think.’

Radeel traced the cube over his upper arm.

‘And it feels numb if you leave it at one spot too long.’

‘Some people once told me it can feel quite nice. Does it not?’

Lou tensed when Radeel placed the cube in the crook of his elbow. Watching how long he’d be able to remain still, he smiled widely.

His answer was absolutely only second place here, Lou figured. He opened his mouth nevertheless, ’Too much is quite painful. You can’t move your fingers and toes anymore after some time, and if you force them to, they start to ache –’ he clawed at the sheet with his other hand – ‘and I dislike shivering…it’s just unpleasant.’

’Why?’ Radeel asked, and placed the cube on Lou’s collarbone. Keeping hold of it, he carefully traced it along the outlines of his bone.

’You really don’t feel anything although you’re touching the ice cube?’ Lou averted the question and tried to shift away by throwing his glance toward Radeel. The cube followed his lead.

’It’s just wet and a bit slippery,’ Radeel answered and removed the cube to place a new, bigger one on his collarbone again.

Lou bit his lips to repress a sigh, and answered Radeel’s previous question, ’Trembling makes me feel lost…and helpless.’ (He figured he’d get Radeel to stop the quickest if he made him understand what it felt like. On the downside, he’d need to reveal his own experiences – unpleasant ones at the most.) ’And it hurts when your muscles don’t get to rest. You’re exhausted, basically.’

As the cube fell and slithered over his chest, he couldn’t contain a weak puff of air any longer.

’It seems like you’re enjoying it.’ Radeel smiled to himself, and moved to grab his little toy from within Lou’s shirt. However, a different hand rushed after it.

The cube in his hand, Lou looked at him, waiting until their eyes locked. ‘Could you not do that, please?’

Radeel didn’t answered, but took back the cube. Lou answered him with a sigh. ’In the right amount, it can feel…nice, I guess. I just don’t like it.’

Radeel dropped the cube into the bucket with a clink. When he looked back at Lou, his hand crept to his bottom lip. Lou kept still as he eyed the spot, his red worryingly warm all of a sudden. ‘You bit yourself.’

Lou’s eyes uselessly flickered down, the metallic taste rushing to his senses now that Radeel had mentioned it. He scuttled away as Radeel’s glance rested on them, his fingers moving to wipe it from his skin.

Radeel smiled at the red colour, the one on Lou’s cheeks, not his fingertips, and leaned back. ‘There’s a stage play tomorrow night about two hours from here. Laxseau and Taeslir wanted to go. We can take you with us if you behave. Do you like plays?’

’I’ve never been to one,’ Lou admitted and smiled sadly. A happy one rushed to his lips as he added he’d love to accompany them. ’And I’ll behave!’

Radeel chuckled and stood from the bed. ’You want a bath? Some warmth…Yppha will scold me if you get sick again.’

Lou nodded and walked after him.

Chapter Text

Their agreement had been a one-sided decision, and what Radeel had set going by deciding on Lou coming alone was long past a mere dispute. Lax and Deengar had immediately objected, and Yppha decided to side with them after some time.

He was looking at Radeel when he explained, ’I meant something a little bit closer to here when I mentioned he should get outside,’ and immediately gained approval of the other two. They added they hadn’t agreed to anything in the first place.

Taeslir was sitting at the table, having plumped down once he had seen Deengar ready himself for an argument. Calling out to Radeel, he expressed his own doubt. ’How will you assure he won’t try anything stupid while we’re there? It’s an ordinary festival, after all. If he gets his hands on some skilled – ‘

’He knows the rules,’ Radeel cut him off, ‘I’m certain he’ll refrain from trying his luck again.’

He smiled at Lou for a second, clearly a threat, but looked away when Deengar confidently stepped forward, a suggestion on his lips. Radeel stopped him before he could even say a single word, ‘No, Deengar, we won’t chain him up, either. Like Taeslir said, it’s a public space. Someone will notice.’

He sighed and pushed away from the wall. ’He behaved quite well lately. We all agreed on rewarding him if he did as we liked.’

’Fine, let’s vote,’ Lax sighed and pulled on his hair lightly. ’We need to leave after all.’

Lax, Deengar and Yppha were against it. Although Radeel’s answer was obvious, he still verbalised it, and Taeslir said he’d want him to prove his liability, and agreed. At last, six expectant pairs of eyes looked at Liu, who was mindlessly toying around with some thin paper. They had scrunched it up earlier and were now trying to flatten it to its original state again. Lou didn’t get their reasoning, but the activity seemed to amuse them. At the mention of their name, their head shot up and they hummed, their eyes wandering through their glances.

Radeel swiftly explained the issue to them, and they shrugged, ‘Oh, I don’t care.’

They turned back to the paper, and Lax sighed heavily across the room. ‘That’s not how voting works. You need to give an answer.’

He had begun tapping his foot on the floor, and was frantically looking around the room.

Liu raised their head again and looked at Lou. Jumping toward him with a smile, they squeezed his arm and asked, ’Can I sit next to him?’

 ’Yeah?’ Radeel shrugged, and Liu agreed on taking him along.

Lax huffed, but said they’d better get going, and stormed out of the room. Everyone else hastened after him, Lou eventually standing alone and at a loss of muscles wanting to move. His head jerked around when Radeel slung a coat over his shoulder.

He walked around to his front with a grin on his lips. ’If there’s no clear answer, the side I’m on wins,’

He blindfolded him, explaining he’d lead him to the carriage, then he could take it off again. ’Just take one step after the other, I won’t let you trip.’

He faintly heard Radeel’s voice, but gasped when they started descending a staircase after only a handful of turns. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Radeel’s word to keep hold of him, more so his confidence crumbled a little whenever he tripped over nothing at all. He was nearly swept off entirely when slippery gravel appeared under his feet, the soft breeze of the night like a whip against his unprepared muscles.

Radeel caught him and frowned as he pulled him back up. ’Carrying you would’ve been easier, I just figured…’

He pulled him over his back and carried him to a place somewhere at the side of the building. Letting him climb the two steps into the carriage himself, he told him to take the blindfold off.

Lou twirled it around his fingers after he had pulled it off his eyes, flinching when Lax’ voice suddenly rang from outside the carriage. ‘I’m not fucking sharing a carriage with these two!’

They’d need to drive with two of them, Lou figured after he looked around. A maximum of four people could drive with one, and Lax’ yell led to Deengar squeezing in with him, Liu, and Radeel. He plumped down on the space opposite of Lou with a huff.

They set off and into a steady pace, silence spreading its wing over them for some time. Just as the cover felt too heavy on Lou’s shoulders, a specific someone piped up and stated their dissatisfaction.

They fell on Lou’s lap with a sigh. ‘Why’s this always boring to no ends?’

Lou jerked a little, but remained still and cocked his head at Radeel humming quietly in agreement. He didn’t seem like he’d bother keeping Liu entertained as he eyed some spot on the wooden panelling.

’We could make out,’ Deengar suggested, but Liu threw their glance at him and crossed their arms over their chest, their head turning three times heavier at their pouting push into the cushions and Lou’s lap.

’That’s why Lax threw you out of the other carriage,’ they scolded him, and closed their eyes, turning away in a mocking act of superiority, ‘but I’m sure he didn’t do so, just so you could do that here.’

They glared at each other for a couple of breaths, glances weirdly conjoined with each other.

Deengar eventually flipped his hand into the air. ‘We could keep it a secret.’

‘Liu can’t keep those,’ Radeel mumbled, a curl around his lips.

’That’s not true!’ They protested and shot up, slamming their hands on the bench.

Deengar frowned and agreed, ’It is. You can never keep anything to yourself.’

’No, I can! Just last time I kept silent when Yppha told me about that – ‘

’You’re doing it right now,’ Lou mumbled, and caught his lips twitching slightly. When Liu’s glare darted at him, the gesture dropped. He looked away, startled when they lied down in his lap again, their eyes closed, and their arms crossed.

’It’s okay, Liu,’ Radeel reassured them, but they only hummed quietly.

They were scratching at their elbow, the move soft and repetitive, and didn’t raise their voice another time. Lou talked his conscience into believing he’d be responsible for making their excitement return, and hesitantly picked at some strands of their hair. He ran his fingers through them softly, a cramp in them when Liu’s facial features twitched lightly in response.

He relaxed when they smiled, but they kept silent after all. No one raised his voice again, except Radeel whenever he needed to flip off another of Deengar’s proposal, and Lou found himself growing tired a little.

When they halted, he stepped outside into a picturesque meadow, only the soft wind hitting his ears with noise. He had imagined the place he was going to see entirely different, since, when Radeel had said they’d go to a theatre, he had pictured on of those huge buildings in even huger towns. Towns he had never set foot in. However, what he was looking down on from this place on the small hill, exceeded the beauty of any urban theatre house. 

He looked at the flat field at the foot of the hill. Stalls and tables were making it look like some tiny market that lead to the stage to the far left. As his sight lost its capabilities, he only spotted some stones that acted as platforms and seats.

He turned his head when someone angrily jumped out of the other carriage to his right. Sooner than his feet met the meadow beneath them, Lax already yelled, ’We’re almost late! Will you get moving?’

He stormed down the hill without waiting for an answer, and Yppha sighed quietly as he walked up to them. ’Why’s he always so stubborn when it comes to this?’

Deengar and Liu shrugged, but Radeel mumbled that Yppha very well knew how he tended to get overwhelmed if he was passionate about something. Each of them started their way down to the theatre, but Lou couldn’t move at the awe twizzling through his muscles.

He jumped as an arm slung around his, Yppha pulling him down the mountain. They were already at the foot of it, when he raised his voice, ‘I think Radeel is wrong in putting this much trust in you. We’ll be in serious trouble if anything happens here.’

He didn’t look at Lou, but let go of his arm as he realised he was following him on his own.  

’But don’t take that the wrong way,’ he added while they were walking through the stalls, ’I won’t be your personal watchman just to make sure you don’t try anything out of your mind. I won’t cover for you either if that idea popped up in your head. If you decide to break Radeel’s trust, I can assure you he’ll – ‘

’Yppha?’ Lou interrupted him and halted, pulling on Yppha’s sleeve. His glance shun away when he looked back at him. ’I’m not thinking anything of that sort. I won’t betray Radeel’s or your trust, even if you don’t believe me. And that’s because I…I’m just too afraid to even think about coming up with anything.’

He fumbled with his fingers on his stomach, and added, ’I’m more anxious about your attitude…I don’t want you to hate me. I could’ve stayed back home if my presence was such a nuisance, but now that I’m here, I don’t want to do anything wrong, and I thought you’d…– usually I could rely on you helping me out, but I think I’m asking too much of you.’

He fell silent, his head low at Yppha’s small sigh.

‘I’m not mad –’ Yppha grabbed his arm and pulled him forward again –‘ and if you had told that anyone other than me, your throat would probably be slid in half. Don’t throw your words at someone that aimlessly.’

A quiet sigh escaped him, and his grip tightened.

’Don’t mistake me for generous, Lou.’ He glanced back at him at the pronunciation of his name. ’I’m trying to avoid harm as best as possible, but if it can’t be like that, I won’t offer myself as a shield in between two swords. I appreciate your trust, but if you intend to use it to do something reckless, I don’t want you to rely on it. I won’t help you out, like I said.’

They arrived at the staircase leading up to several rows of stone. The seats, Lou figured. He followed Yppha upstairs, wearing his frown low as he didn’t find his voice in his throat anymore to tell Yppha he had misunderstood him. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as he had hope for a better outcome of his request.

At second thought, if someone was at fault, it must be himself once again. Otherwise, the hollow wish for a safe anchor in all this turmoil wouldn’t have blown up into pieces just like this.

Lou only noticed that he had slowed down when Yppha squeezed his hand. He figured he’d at least received a smaller type of anchor with the gesture. Less embattled into the ground than he wanted, but he still calmed a little, and followed him up the remaining stairs.

They slid in next to the others at the end of the staircase, and Liu waved Lou over to the spot next to them. He sat down between them and Radeel, and the lanterns around them went out.

The stars shining brightly from above were the only source of light. It was a cloudless, but also moonless night. On the stage, colourful lanterns appeared and swung around in grand manners. They connected to long, majestic creatures, and Lou’s eyes widened.

He glanced at quiet puff to his right and caught Radeel playing with the faint idea of a smile. But the gesture disappeared as he turned to watch the play himself.

A story was being told although none of the actors pronounced any words. Music was playing, of course, just like Lou had read about before, but the lyrics flying over the melody were undecipherable. He tried making out some words from the clear voices, but his mind soon grew bored.

Bright lanterns and other burning strings formed some creature he perceived as a dragon. A second one appeared too, but it seemed out of reach and was only flying around in the background once before completely disappearing. Then, the lights formed landscapes, beautiful, detailed pictures of places varying from mountains to the sea, and the dragon was flying high above them, meeting different creatures. Lou believed he had to perform some tasks at every station, but he never figured what exactly it was before the dragon flew off.

At some point, the dragon reached a cave, and another bigger, monstrous animal of the same species slithered onto the stage. In the back, Lou spotted the dragon from the beginning before the stage went black. The lanterns around their seats ignited again, and the rows emptied one by one.

He turned as Deengar fell back against the row of stones behind them with a huff. ’I hate breaks.’

Taeslir explained that actors needed breaks – or reminded him, considering his tone. All he got was an apathetic, ‘useless.’

’Do we need to stand up like the others?’ Liu asked and clung to Lou’s arm once more.

Taeslir wanted to get some souvenirs, and Lax said he’d go downstairs to take a closer look at the well-lit stage, but everyone else could stay behind. As if he’d been cursed, Lou’s stomach growled in that exact moment. His eyes widened, and he stared at Radeel with a look of horror. Moving his gaze from theirs, he admitted he hadn’t eaten anything before they drove off, and apologised.

Radeel puffed a short laugh and turned to Taeslir. ’Do you have some money to spare?’

He took a few notes from his hands, and watched how they walked away. He wanted to know who’d come with him to the stalls, and Deengar volunteered. He’d want to make sure he didn’t run away, was what he said. (And he thereby raised an argument with Radeel, who took it as an insult to his own abilities.)

Yppha sighed, ’I don’t think either of you knows what’s eatable, so I should be coming too. It’s not like we can just let him walk up to one of the stalls himself.’

’We’ll just take the one with names of food on it,’ Deengar said and glanced at Radeel who nodded proudly in agreement.

’And that would be?’

Yppha crossed his arms, a smile twirling around his lips when Deengar’s proud expression faded. He turned to Radeel like previously, but his mien had dropped just as well.

They told Liu to stay behind and walked down the stairs to one of the stalls. Lou was always placed in the middle of them, and the obviousness of it all made him shudder. He wondered if their behaviour seemed like guarding to the people around them and scanned through the mass around him. He figured they didn’t have a clue when no one spared them the least of glances.

Lou admitted he’d not be much different in their position. Suspicion didn’t lie in a person’s top priorities in such a location. Nobody’d think about anything strange occurring in a place like this, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary to any of them. After all, they could somehow change the colour of their eyes, dulling it so that the shade still appeared peculiar, but human enough to not attract attention. How they managed to keep their fangs from flashing, Lou couldn’t tell.

Most of the seats had already been taken and the only places left were some high tables at the side. Their placement didn’t seem too unwelcomed though. Radeel headed for the one farthest away from the crowd as Yppha left their side to browse through some stalls. They didn’t say a word when they reached the table, and Lou started to overthink. Guilt crept into his mind.

’I’m sorry for the bother,’ he mumbled and stared at his hands. Their eyes were rarely a place where he felt comfortable, holding more emotion than he had seen with his kind.

Radeel leaned on the table and assured him he needn’t worry. ‘But raise your glance next time you speak.’

Immediately, Lou raised his head, a horrified sparkle in his eyes when he saw Radeel’s twinkling with a playful threat. The promise he had given him earlier that day sprung to his mind, and clutched his fingers together in a tight grip.

Anger had arisen many times that morning as Lou’s head simply didn’t want to stay up high. Whenever he had asked something of the other, too much fear gnawed at his mind, telling him he’d be punished and excluded from their trip if he acted even the tiniest bit out of place. Radeel had grown tired of his behaviour and ordered him to stop.

With his chin held in place, Lou tried again, wanting to keep his thoughts occupied with conversation. ’How do you even get to money?’

Radeel raised in eyebrow. ’Do you honestly think we’d just let the small houses you store your source of surviving in rot after we raid a city?’

Lou’s glance dropped to the table in embarrassment, but he hauled it up in the same breath, answering he had thought there was an easier way of obtaining it.

’Like earning?’ Deengar piped up and attracted their attention. ‘How’s that easier than stealing in any way?...not that we’d care for those meaningless papers you created out of nowhere.’

Lou frowned, remembering what Yppha had said about them being human once. Something in Deengar’s choice of words made him ponder, but his head turned, and his thoughts cleared when Radeel raised his voice again. ’Sometimes money can prove itself handy though. Blending in with the crowd, rather than causing an uproar, if you understand.’

’How do you usually handle such things, then?’

He froze when the same answer came from either of them.

‘Power.’

Yppha sighed as he placed a plate in front of Lou. It seemed to have some potatoes and meat on it, and a small greenish blob that Lou suspected to be salad. Having overheard the last bits of their conversation, Yppha commented, ‘which does, as we know, cause uncivilised and destructive behaviour.’

They argued over what Yppha had said, and Lou poked at his food. When they dropped the topic, they turned to him once more. Right as he decided on speaking up, to at least form a situation where their eyes didn’t feel unpleasant, he spotted a couple of booths to his front, a line of three people standing with their faces to the door.

His glance fell on his dish, something turning in his stomach. Maybe, he should’ve refrained from eating, the thought had briefly struck him while they were still sitting in their seats, adrenaline in his veins, hot. He cleared his throat and threw the almost empty paper plate into the waste next to their table.

‘Can…could you excuse me for a second?’ he barely choked out, tumbling past Radeel with his finger raised at the booths.

He didn’t notice how Radeel reached for him, a furrow in his glance, only held back by Yppha’s hand around his arm. He gently shook his head at him before his glance darted back to Lou, his figure already lined up with the people, who disappeared behind the booths to enter once their turn arrived.

He was holding his stomach, though no sickness clung to the place beneath his fingers, sweaty palms and a knot in his throat. As he stepped inside, a tiny sink filling the room that led to a triplet of toilets along the wall, he raised his head to look in the mirror. The sweaty pearls sticking to his forehead made him jump to the sink, the water less cool than he’d have liked.

Why’d he come here?

His cheeks had reddened when he looked up again, although no heat resided anywhere in his body, his fingers freezing, aching tissue dragging through his palms. Everything hurt with anticipation of some consequences he couldn’t put a label to, he’d behaved according to their rules. He’d received a trip in return. The cost ached inside his chest.

He jumped at a touch on his arm.

‘You don’t look well, everything alright?’

His glance jumped at a man a bit taller than him, his lips choking on the lying words he tried to press out. As he shook his head, his eyes fluttered closed.

He didn’t eat the tiny cover Lou attempted to uphold. ‘Let’s step outside, come on.’

Glancing over his shoulder to exchange a glance with another person he knew, he nodded quickly and dragged Lou outside, his hand warm on his shoulder. He pulled him behind an empty food stall, not far from the booths, ignoring Lou’s second attempt at trying to cover the situation with shaky lies.

His heart jumped a beat when he didn’t see the opening he’d come from anymore, sirens in his head, his lungs in his throat.

He spun around, raising his waving hands to his chest. ‘It’s alright, thank you…I’ll just go back and – ‘

‘You seemed lost to me.’

His hands froze mid-gesture. ‘What? No…it’s okay, I –‘

‘Want me to show you the way back to the exit?’

Lou’s breath became stuck in his throat as he pushed closer. ‘I don’t, it’s –…you’re leaving?’

‘The carriage is just around the corner,’ he mumbled and tipped his head into a direction to Lou’s left, using his distracted glance to take another step toward Lou. ‘Care to come along?’

‘I… – I need to be quick, I don’t have – ‘ he glanced at the man too close in his personal space, his back trapped against the stall. As he raised his hands in defence again, the man grabbed his arm and turned him around.

‘Sure thing,’ he said as he pressed Lou’s hand against his lower back, ‘but ‘quick’ won’t do.’

Lou yelped as he increased the pressure on his back, his other hand scratching over the wooden wall. A cry on his lips, he pushed his weight off the wall, his shoulder aching as he spun around and yanked his arm from the man’s grip. He jumped for a direction where light hit the grass, but instead bumped into another harsh grip, the person the man had nodded to throwing him back.

He yelled as he felt a grip on his hair, but his breath was quickly soaked up by a palm. As he met the wall again, his cheek collided with some piece of metal, and he cried in pain, his arms wiggling uselessly in the strong grasp.

‘I thought you wanted to leave?’

Lou screamed, but only a muffled sound reached outside the barrier over his mouth. His temple burnt as he tried to jerk out of a touch on his hipbone, a cry on his lips as they slammed his body against the stall.

He gasped for air as his next cry didn’t push against disgusting skin anymore, vapour in his lungs as he tumbled along the wall. His head shot up at a painful yelp of the voice that had just been too close to his ear, the air inside of him freezing as he saw the flutter of a white blouse.

‘What’s your problem, man?’ The man yelled with his hand on his head, trying to heave himself off the ground again.

Radeel didn’t move stance nor mien. ‘I think you should leave him alone.’

‘He asked for it! Said he’d want to leave with us, just natural that I’d want – ‘he stopped as Radeel turned away his glance, sending a glare of red down to Lou instead.

Too busy to focus on the other man’s behaviour, Lou felt his heart sinking into his stomach, his fingers shaking on the wall in anticipation of a punch. Yet it didn’t connect with his temple.

Side-stepping him without even looking back up, Radeel twirled the man around in his grasp and sent him flying for the floor with his fist. Unconscious. Sent him to unconsciousness.

Lou gulped as he dared to throw a glance at the other person, only risking to straighten his back as he saw them pulling the man to his feet, fleeing the red stare warning them to try their luck another time.

Still trying to catch his breath once Radeel looked back to him, his hand on his waist and shoulder, he tumbled to the wall for support.

‘I wasn’t…I – ‘ his hand trembled off his shoulder, failing to provide any security as the picture of it made him sob – ‘I thought they’d…I’m sorry.’

He averted himself, hiding his tears behind a wipe of his fingers. A yelp brushed his throat as they turned a salty red. Gentle tips brushing the sting on his cheek.

He flinched as Radeel pulled his hand away from his face, his fingers too frightened to tighten around the cloth he placed in his palm. He wanted to respond something, but with the words of thanking him too far back in his head, his breath too sticky in his throat, his shame on his cheeks, he only pressed the cloth to his skin.

His lips were trembling as a chime rang through the air, Radeel quietly commanding him to follow him back to their seats. He needed a moment to process the order, his feet too heavy, his steps to painful. Just when they neared the patch of enlightened grass he’d wanted to reach, his hip ached into a step and he whimpered, the sun littered across his skin.

‘Lou…’

‘I’m trying! I’m trying, okay!’ he responded automatically, his foggy head and blurred glance mistaking the worried tone for another warning.

He winced as Radeel pulled his hand from his shirt, encapsulating his fist in his fingers. Pushing their hands against Lou’s chest, he took an audibly strong inhale, gently lowering the pressure. He glanced at Lou’s chest, muscles fluttering beneath his touch, and increased the pressure before slowly exhaling himself. He kept going despite Lou’s breath starting to falter again. A second time. A third one.

‘One last one?’ he mumbled, his voice a mix of a question and a request.

Lou inhaled on his own, following the direction of Radeel’s grasp around his hand. He loosened the hold onto Radeel after his exhale, his hand falling to his stomach as Radeel similarly retreated.

‘Okay, let’s go,’ Radeel said, setting his step onto the patch of grass.

‘Radeel?’ Lou wrapped his hand around his arm and looked up at him, carefully massaging the ache in his muscles when Radeel turned back around. ‘He dragged me out of the booth…I didn’t try to…– I didn’t mean to ask him to – ‘

‘Let’s talk once we’re back home.’

Lou caught a shaky breath in his nose. He nodded weakly, his luck drained as he stepped into the illuminated area himself and dragged himself back to the seats in Radeel’s shadow.

He didn’t even notice that Lax wasn’t sitting with them anymore, his glance only catching sight of him after the play had started again, his figure swiftly jumping up the stairs. Staring at the spot he’d come from for far too long, he missed the continuation of the story.

The dragon was fighting. He lost, he won. He flew back.

Lou didn’t care. Not with Yppha’s and Taeslir’s occasional glances to the wound on his cheek. Liu not letting go off his arm even after he’d pulled away.

He felt his little snack might actually revisit him this time.

After the play ended, people applauded and rose from their seats. He let them drag him back to the carriage, his feet missing a step a couple of times. Their voices flew over his head, a chill in his knuckles whitening around his shirt.

‘I can sit with him.’

It was Yppha.

‘No, I want to talk with you about something,’ Radeel denied him. He turned around once they reached the carriages. ‘You too, Taeslir.’

‘Taeslir said I could travel home with him!’ Liu piped up, jumping seemingly out of nowhere from behind Radeel.

He didn’t even look at them. ‘Whatever, that’s fine.’

Lou raised his glance to the other carriage, catching Lax’ glance falling on them as he’d already ascended to the entrance. His face carried a similar aura as the pounding inside Lou’s head, a string around his heart at Radeel denying Yppha to comfort him.

On second thought, he didn’t mind. With a jump into the carriage, Deengar sprawled onto an entire bench, his body finding its place next to Lax, he didn’t mind. They wouldn’t question him at least. He didn’t want to talk.

In silence, they drove, leaving most of their route behind. Until Deengar’s occasional glances turned too fiery, the colour in his glance too thick, purple even worse than red. He didn’t wear boredom well, and with Lax on the ride he couldn’t even busy himself with suggesting his earlier ideas.

Lou turned to Lax as he couldn’t bear the silent sting anymore. ‘Can I ask you something?’

His fingers froze as he glanced at him, but his dull mien carried an approval.

’What did you like about the play?’ he asked, rubbing over his knuckles. ‘I mean, there must’ve been a reason why you wanted to go this desperately.’

Deengar’s gaze flickered to him as well. Something about the question seemed to spark his curiosity.

Lax answered in a casual and low tone. ’It’s the charm it holds. I’ve been to many plays in the past and seeing what inventive methods humans come up with grew on me with time.’

Deengar snorted, and Lax’ gaze darkened as he turned to look at him. ’That almost sounds like you hold any dear feelings for them. Never thought I’d hear something like that out of your mouth.’

He pressed his hand to his lips as he couldn’t contain his laughter.

’Not every human creation is bad…not even in my eyes,’ Lax answered, but Deengar flipped him off by waving his hand. Despite the gesture, he continued with what he had wanted to say, ’My hatred for them doesn’t change just because I enjoy a few of their inventions.’

’If you say that, sure thing.’

Lax sighed in defeat; his nerves really didn’t have the strength to deal with Deengar’s defensiveness. They dropped the topic, but Lax spoke up again and asked Lou why he’d wanted to know, and if he didn’t like it.

’No, no, I did, I’ve never seen anything of the sort. It was breath-taking,’ he admitted and looked away for a moment, then back at Lax. ’It’s just…I couldn’t figure out why you’d show interest in something created by mankind. That’s why I asked.’

’See, even he thinks you and Taeslir are crazy for enjoying that,’ Deengar laughed again.

Lou’s eyes widened. ‘I never said that!’

He silenced when Lax lazily flung his hand into the air. His eyes darkened again as he looked at Deengar. ’I think, unlike you, he possesses a sense of art. Just like Taeslir.’

He sighed when Deengar, who had closed his eyes, didn’t react to him anymore, and turned to Lou. Just because something was created by another species didn’t mean he couldn’t be intrigued, he explained. After all, humans engaged with stories about his kind, too.

Lou nodded in understanding, and they went back to silence – for the rest of their ride.

They wrapped the blindfold around his head when they arrived, and he tumbled out of the carriage. Radeel told him to hold onto his neck after he had picked him up, and they walked inside.

Once they stepped into their chamber, Lou pulled off the blindfold, just so catching a glimpse of Liu before they jumped onto him and clung to his waist. They smiled against his chest. ’He behaved like we told him to!’

Lou put his arms around them, unsure about what else he should have done. He chuckled lightly when a sharp pain run through his side, Liu continuing to cling to him and crush his ribs. 

Taeslir sighed, and stepped closer, removing Liu’s arms from Lou’s body. ‘Yes, Liu, now let go of him.’

‘Right, his injuries!’ They jumped back, moving out of Taeslir grasp.

Lou frowned at them, his mien long past his control with exhaustion and adrenaline running through his system. The mix of them made his head spin.

He turned around at Radeel’s soft touch on his arm, his voice telling him to get to his room. Shoving Lou to his front, he turned to Yppha. ‘I’ll come get it later.’

Lou followed Radeel’s words, his steps so slow that Radeel quickly caught up to him and held the door open to let him enter. At a small gesture of Radeel’s hand, Lou sat down on the bed, his upper arm in his hand, watching Radeel turn to his cupboard.

‘Get your clothes off.’

Lou’s heartbeat froze. ‘…what?’

Radeel turned around, closing a drawer. ‘I said take your shirt and pants off.’

He hastened into the bathroom without awaiting the change in Lou’s mien.

Tears travelling along the string so close to snapping in his visage, already shaking because of the tremble in his bottom lip, Lou went to pull off exactly what he’d been told to pull off. He wrapped his arms around himself after he placed the clothes at his side, fingernails digging bruises into the parts of his skin that didn’t yet have any.

He swallowed his throat as he saw Radeel re-enter, clawing at his muscles now that his fingers couldn’t curl into his shirt. His body reacted with a flinch as the mattress next to him dipped in, his mind too loud to tell him that the weight didn’t match Radeel’s. He was shivering.

‘These are Liu’s. You know how to use them,’ Radeel said and opened the bowl Liu’d stored their paste in.

Lou’s head jerked at the item in his hands, some tissues still on the bed. Goosebumps crawled up his skin as he noticed Radeel’s glance on the bruise at his waist and lower arm, his fingers rushing to grab the paste from him.

‘I’ll get something else,’ Radeel continued once his hand was free, soon re-filling his palm with the handle of the door. ‘You can shower once you’re done. Just don’t pass out, I can help.’

As the door opened and closed, Lou rose his head, his muscles perfectly still as he stared at the barrier. The bowl in his lap warm, his knees too bony against each other. He sniffed as he dunked his fingers into the paste, applying them just as Liu’d done. Shivering at the itch his touches left. Cream soaking into his skin.

He walked into the bathroom despite his head swimming and, although he could feel the warmth of the water, he didn’t fully step beneath the shower. Some stream washed over his back, his fingers still on his stomach, his hair just so wettened that he could use some soap, exhaustion falling in tiny droplets.

His spine still carried goosebumps, fused with watery tears, as he reached for the towel, his heart sinking as he realised he didn’t bring clothes with him. His shirt had held too much sweat, too many scents. Too many touches. He turned up his nose only visualising it on the bed, his fingers shaking toward the handle.

He froze as he spotted Radeel placing some clothes on the bed, the towel around his body instantly too loose, too little. He pulled it up to his armpits.

Radeel turned away at the reaction. ‘It’s some of Yppha’s clothes…I thought your shirt might be a little thin. If you want to wear something else, tell me.’

His hand rose to point at the small pile of clothes, though no gesture fell to his fingers, his arm sinking as he walked toward his desk. Lou blinked as he sat down in his chair, soles scratching over the carpet as he neared him, his chest hurting with the beat that carried him right back to the bathroom once he’d snatched the pieces off the bed.

A sweater, soft in his hands, covering his arms once he slung it around himself. His skin left unexposed once he was dressed. He hadn’t even looked at the pieces properly, his reflection in the mirror strange, clothes that weren’t his, a face that –

He exhaled and lowered his glance. Peeking at the door.

His fingers buried in the new fabric, he walked back, approaching the bed with cold hands and feet. He didn’t want to talk.

‘Are you okay?’

He nodded. Exhaling his lungs as the bed dipped in at his side. Wrapping his arms around himself seemed protection enough for his voice to rise into his throat, his heart into his head.

‘I’m sorry, okay…I thought he could –…I didn’t think they’d –‘ Lou’s jaw unclenched; his exhale heavy.

‘Always the same old story, will there ever by another response?’ Radeel exhaled heavily. ‘But it’s fine, it wasn’t your fault.’

‘Of course it wasn’t!’ His arms hurt from the pressure of his fingers; his glance hauled at Radeel. ‘What are you saying?!’

He was breathing, through his nose, rhythm uneven. His side hurt.

Radeel moved away. ‘I was just trying to comfort you.’

Lou huffed and turned away.

‘Comfort, you?’ His eyes sent a flame at Radeel, weak, tired, worn out. Dignified. ‘Just so you can punch me again tomorrow? What do you know of comfort?’

The change in Radeel’s glance made him sob. His thoughts didn’t burn any less.

‘You think I’ve never been in such a situation before? You don’t know anything about the villages you attack, do you?’ He raised his glance at him, the flame now burning in the shape of tears. Right there, at his eyelashes. ‘You don’t know me, Radeel.’

Radeel blew some air through parted lips, rising, the sheets in a mess behind him. He glanced at him with his hand on his amulet. ‘I’d just wanted to not make you feel ashamed! If you don’t want my –‘

‘What would you know about that?!’ His voice far from steady. Perhaps new bruises on his arms. ‘Or perhaps you do…how’re you not ashamed? The stupid thing with the ice cubes yesterday? What is it you’re getting from toying with someone’s – ‘

He shunned away as Radeel stepped closer, his hands clenching around the bed, pulling some covers with him. They barely touched his knees, his throat hurting from the cry he yelped.

At least, Radeel had stopped. Or he thought so. He couldn’t see because of the fear in his eyes.

‘What is it you want, now?’ He said calmer, just above a whisper. ‘Mechanical is wrong, saying what I want is wrong.’

Radeel’s mien softened, the colour in his glance fading.

‘I didn’t mean to make you cry,’ he said and moved closer.

‘Don’t touch me!’ Lou jumped away, the covers over his feet now. Panicked breaths sailed to them. They were cold. ‘…please.’

Radeel eyed him, his lips apart, thoughts racing over his face. When Lou turned away, his hand trying to reach for him dropped, an unusual rhythm placed on his chest.

‘Go and sleep,’ he mumbled, walking to a couple of candles to distinguish their light. He left a few of them burning.

Although Lou was facing the covers, he saw him halt at the door. He waited, waited for that awful feeling to go away.

It didn’t. Not after Radeel had left. Not after he’d lied down to sleep.

As if he could.

Chapter Text

Lou’s days had become his nights.

Daylight didn’t touch his skin anymore. The last memory of the warm beams hitting him lay far back in the past. Too far to recall the feeling. In theory, Lou reckoned, his body would adapt to the new hours of consciousness, but instead he felt such a strong apathy toward the concept of time he lived with, that time itself was but an arrangement of four letters.

They hadn’t disturbed him last night, day, whatever. Apart from Radeel moving out of bed once, no one had wandered into that room. Nothing had stirred inside that hollowness.

Lou knew Radeel hadn’t intended to wake him, neither as he slipped out nor back into bed. But he hadn’t asked what his reason had been as he had placed his hand on his shoulder. He had only frozen on the spot.

He didn’t raise his voice for a question now either. Sitting at the table, he watched them leaning over some papers to their fronts. He had feared for the worst when Radeel had called him outside after he had stirred awake, but he wasn’t what their attention was drawn to.

He brought the cup of tea to his lips once more, clasped between his palms and soothingly warm against his throat. His thoughts drifted from structured questions to chaotic glimpses of the previous night. But he wouldn’t have acted on either of them.

Taeslir called for him, a quiet whisper that left his lips. He asked if he didn’t want to go back to bed after Lou had turned to face him. He didn’t like how he looked deader than them.

Lou shook his head and hid his frown by lowering his glance. He didn’t raise it again when Yppha piped up to shove his worried voice down his ears. He explained that he’d need to manage on his own for a few days, and started rambling about what he had prepared and left behind for him. Lou only nodded silently and sipped at his tea once more, watching Deengar and Lax tapping on various parts of a map. He’d find Yppha’s kind preparations on his own after they had left.

They were discussing why they’d need to take the longer route to their destination instead of the faster and easier one. Deengar was the one who asked. Lax explained it was smart to stay off the main roads. They’d leave earlier anyway, so they shouldn’t run into any setbacks because of their changed route. Deengar huffed and picked up some bags at the side of the table.

Although Lou had figured they’d leave for some kind of attack, he didn’t spot any weapons among their baggage. He also figured they’d stop by a small camp to meet up with some allies before heading for their actual destination.

At the time their checks on the bags ended, their disappearance was right at hand, and Lou wished to know when they’d return; Radeel’s answer being a week, maybe longer.

He shouldn’t try anything while they were gone and not go searching the place, he added and slung a bag over his shoulder. His body leaned to the side a little at its weight. He had allowed him to sleep in his room earlier, but other than that Lou had figured himself that he shouldn’t start nosing around.

Yppha and Taeslir bid him goodbye, and Liu squeezed his arm tightly before running after Deengar and Lax, who had left the room earlier. Radeel’s smile welcomed him into the explanation that they’d lock the front door, but Yppha had left the window in his room open.

’Lou?’ Radeel piped up again, one foot already placed behind the threshold. Their eyes met with Lou’s low hum. ’Take care of yourself.’

He nodded, and the door closed in front of his eyes. The moment the click of its lock met his ears, he closed them and fell on the table. His cheek landed on the cool surface; his arms crossed above his head. It wasn’t a reaction to tiredness.

He had called the sensation tiredness when he had arisen from bed, barely having closed his eyes at night, but the term didn’t sit right with him anymore.

He forced an arm under his head, the table was a dislikeable place to rest on, and glanced over to the pile of books. They had – Yppha and Lax had, he didn’t know if the others were interested in reading at all – given them to him. Although he had hardly got his hands on many back home, he had always held books and stories close to his heart. Hardly owning any might had contributed to his liking for them. They fascinated him. Still, there needed to be other activities to go after, he mused. He’d learn to detest books was there nothing else he could spend his time on. 

He caught a breath in his throat and held it for a second. When he released it, his eyes flew shut, his mind empty. Empty of any other likings he had had before this.

He hadn’t realised that he lacked an answer to such a question. They had never questioned him about anything related to his life. Not that it was beneficial to them. Which was probably the reason they hadn’t asked. What interested them had flopped down on the table, small like the books in his gaze, and their property just like any other object in this room.

A thought had slithered into his head earlier when he had woken up. It wasn’t complex, nothing earthshattering either, nothing but a question standing alone in the room of his empty mind.

Why?

They were too numerous to even answer them all, and he surely couldn’t do so on his own. Answers were the key, he had told himself, and if the key was found to all his little questions he sure could answer his biggest one. The one only himself could answer.

He had asked himself many times.

Was it his fear of them? Of consequences? Of death?

Or was it a much different term?

Hope?

Since the first day, Lou had hoped for a life. Then, for forgiveness, for praise, and for validation. Yesterday he had longed for rest, a long rest, maybe too long. He had been sure of his thoughts and aims as soon as they were gone – but now? Here, all alone, he asked himself what he had hoped for. What he had wanted to happen. Was he to follow the idea he had come up with not long ago, they wouldn’t torment him any longer – would it end all his suffering?

And still, among all his apathy and his feelings, there was a tiny – oh, it was so tiny, he didn’t even believe it was still in him – flame burning lowly. He dared to call it his will, his spite, his wrath; nothing had killed him before this, so why would he give up on himself now?

Lou straightened, leaned back on his chair, and rubbed his eyes harshly. Blinking the dark dots and his doubt away, he stemmed his arms against the table and heaved himself from the chair. The cup wouldn’t bring itself to the kitchen, the books weren’t going to read themselves, and his will wouldn’t return on its own.

He wouldn’t give up on himself.

He followed no aim when he plumped down on one of the sofas and picked up the first book on top. Reading of course was what one could’ve called his intention, but to himself finishing the book wasn’t his plan. It was a road, leading to a plan. Leading to something his mind and heart couldn’t touch yet.

The story in his hands had almost come to its end when a tremble rushed over his body. The chillness ran down his spine and up to the tip of his fingers.

He sighed when he realised he wasn’t able to finish the story without taking care of the feeling and got up. The idea of wrapping himself in a blanket reminded him too much of a bed why he headed for the tub in Radeel’s bathroom. Attaining warmness from external sources was faster anyway.

As the water level rose, he ran his hand through the water. He could surround more of himself with water than just his upper body. Would they care? – A dead body proved no use for them. Unlike a mind in that state.

He slid into the tub and leaned against the wall. The freeze vanished after some minutes, and he figured a little bit of sleep was for the better after all. Hunger was something he’d take care of still before that.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

The following days didn’t look any different. The only crucial event in them was Lou reaching the destination he had longed for. Or maybe just a temporary station, which resembled a goal in his eyes.

Lou’s arrival to a lighter heart included the open window in Yppha’s room. It hadn’t interested him until some lines in one of the books described landscapes of hills full of trees and mountains darkening the valley from afar. The picture forming in his head looked awfully familiar to one of his memories, and he had waddled to Yppha’s room.

The glance outside almost resembled a gateway to a different world. The arrangement hadn’t altered, but under the warm, golden beams the meadows looked greener, the trees older, and the mountains more like landscapes than monsters. Lou didn’t dare comparing the beautiful view to the memory in his head.  

A smile formed on his lips and unlike the few he had shared with the vampires, this one was standing alone, needing no one’s artificial aid in shining as bright as the white dot he was looking at.

He had achieved something on his own again.

Apart from reaching a contentment of his heart, he had finally managed to clean the main hall with the usual doers missing. The candles he had lit to make the words on the pages visible had left their traces around the place. Mostly on the small table next to the sofa and the kitchen, but Lou put his hands to everything in the room he was allowed to reach.

He had woken up three times.

The most recent rising of his eyelids occurred when the sun was about to set. He watched the pleasant change of colours on the sky until it disappeared from his sight, and closed the window before he walked off to the kitchen. He did what he felt like doing and when he felt like doing it; no order meant no duties he had to follow. And no duties meant he could relax.

After he had eaten something, he lied down on the sofa again, another book in his hands. He hadn’t worried the least bit over the past few days, but as the door flung open with a bang, his heart jumped into a frenzy.

He hadn’t heard such a noise when the guards had come to check up on him yesterday. The reason was that, for one, it weren’t the guards who had entered the room, and the ones who did had all the reason to yank the door off its hinges.

He couldn’t see them clearly at first. They sprinted past him with too much speed on their feet. Lou slowly rose to his own after they halted at the table. Someone was lying on the it. He saw some red colours as he crept closer.

He froze when he caught a glimpse of who they had carried in their arms. Covering his lips with trembling fingers, he shunned away. Convinced he had never seen anything as frightening as this.

His glance flickered to Taeslir, and he lost his breath. The little skin which was still identifiable as such was covered in soot and blood. Any mortal being would’ve been a lifeless corpse. Hadn’t it been for the slight rise of his chest ever now and then, Lou’d have even used that term.

He jumped as Deengar clenched his fingers around the remains of his clothing, desperately trying to wake him. ‘Radeel, we’ve got to do something!’

Radeel was leaning over Liu. A black, rootlike disease spread from their stomach up to their chest. The lines steadily growing. Although they seemed to be in pain – jerking in Lax’ and Radeel’s grip violently – their condition appeared more stable than Taeslir’s.

Deengar was mumbling about how they’d get blood, or some bandages, or other supplies, and visibly ran out of breath as he leaned farther over Taeslir – preparing to take him with him.

’Deengar! Deengar, hey, look at me!’ Radeel yelled and teared his arms away from Taeslir’s torso. ’Deengar, you need to calm down!’

’We need to do something!’ he hissed and jerked out of Radeel’s grip. He only caught him in an even tighter one. ’Let go! I…we need to help him –‘

’We’re working on that.’

’You’re not working fast enough!’ Deengar cried out and turned away the second he noticed the tremble in his voice. ’He’s – he’s going to…he’ll die, Radeel!’

’We won’t – ‘

’He’s not healing fast enough! You need to…I need to – I’ll save him…’

His hands clenched into fists, but his pulls against Radeel’s restraint turned shaky and strengthless.  

Lou stirred at Deengar’s words and tumbled forward a step, his hands clenched around his stomach. ‘I..I know how he can heal faster. Liu…they told me about –‘

He didn’t get to finish his sentence as Yppha picked him up. Fog spread in his head when he found himself in Liu’s room in an instant. At Yppha’s command, he blurted out what he remembered from the conversation they had had. When he blinked another time, he was standing back at the side of the table, and his head spun.

He jumped as Yppha pushed what he had collected into his hands, saying he should do what Liu had shown him.

His hands shook as he turned to the one he was supposed to heal.

’Lou?’ Radeel’s voice was meek. ‘Do you know what you have to do?’

Pain twizzled through Lou’s face before he lowered his head. ‘They only told me how it’d work.’

He repeated their explanation to them, and Radeel turned to Lax. Before he had the chance to finish asking if he had ever come across such a technique, Lax already shook his head. Yppha replied in the same way as Radeel asked if Liu had woken up yet.

He turned to Lou with a sigh.

’Do you have a better idea?’ Yppha asked, stemming his hands against Liu’s jerking arms once more. Judging from what Liu had already proved to them about their Vita, a chance of it boosting their own abilities might not even be that small.

Radeel breathed shakily and looked down on Deengar, who was crouching next to the table, holding Taeslir’s hand. As he glanced at Lou again, he scolded their own inability under his breath. ‘Get to each side of him. We don’t know if we’ll have to hold him down.’

Lou was shaking as they stuck the sharp pole to the opening at the vial. He mumbled how he remembered the feeling when Liu had pierced him with the vial. He could manage from that memory. (But he didn’t know if it were the others or himself who he wanted to convince with those words.)

He closed his eyes when they pressed the construction into his hands, taking a sharp breath. The grip on it tightened as he positioned it over Taeslir’s heart.

But a question kept his hand from moving.

He gritted his teeth as he didn’t have the time to search for an answer. He was doing this right now; the reason didn’t matter. As his shallow breath sailed over his lips, he recalled Liu’s words and, unlike intended, rammed the tip into Taeslir’s chest.

When he opened his eyes again, everyone had stilled.

Everyone stared down on the pole inside Taeslir’s motionless chest.

Deengar squeezed Taeslir hand gently. His voice wasn’t above a whisper, ’Radeel, he stopped breathing…’

His eyes flickered at Lou. He’d have jumped right at his neck hadn’t Lax caught him by his shoulders. A blaming phrase was dropping from his lips. Over and over. It sounded more like an unaccepting cry of what Lou had done than threats of vengeance.

(‘You killed him. You killed him. You –‘)

Lou looked down on the pole sticking out of Taeslir’s dead body.

’… but it’s quite dangerous if you do it wrong…’

Liu’s words echoed in his head, and his bubble of hope burst. It branded a mark into his conscience.

He’d longed for that kind of achievement, to be of help to them, but with what he had achieved, he wouldn’t receive any gratitude.

He didn’t know what he felt as he pulled on the pole. He just didn’t want to have it stay in that position. Where it showed everyone his failure.

He couldn’t have known better, he mused, tried to convince himself, and silently accepted whatever was to come next.

Which was a choked gasp for air from Taeslir.

The pole in Lou’s hand clattered to the table as Taeslir shot up, but his strength ceased, and only his shoulder blades lifted off the table.

Lou hurried to grab the pole, keeping it from rolling off the table, but everyone else froze.

Deengar managed to slip from Lax’ grasp in their panic, and rushed for Taeslir’s hands. He jerked away as soon as he touched him, the burned flesh stinging under Deengar’s already strong grip.

They all cocked their heads when Liu suddenly whispered from the other end of the table. ‘Keep him awake as long…as possible.’

Deengar obeyed that request without second thought, trying to catch Taeslir’s attention.

Radeel acted as well and stood by Liu’s side the next instant. They told him something, but Lou could only see their lips moving, before he ran off into their room.

He returned with something that reminded Lou of a glass bulb. It had a wooden handle and consisted of a big, round opening on the one side, and another smaller one on the other. Liu dribbled a few drops of their blood into a third opening, and Yppha set fire to a thin string, which slung around the inside of the bulb.

Liu pressed it down on the wound on their stomach and asked Yppha to hold the handle for them. ’I’m going to pass out again. Just make sure that thing stays where it is until I’m not covered in these lines anymore.’

They flinched slightly before they flopped back down.

All three of them had to hold them down after some time. They gave Lou into charge of pressing the bulb down on their skin. Black smoke rose from the small opening on top, and the traces on Liu’s body slowly reduced.

Taeslir had fallen unconscious again, but his state resembled sleep again.

Deengar carried him off to lie him down in one of their beds, and Yppha picked Liu off the table when the last line finally disappeared. They were sleeping in his arms. Lax excused himself and left, and Radeel began cleaning up the materials they had used.

He was shaking as he wiped over the table with some cloth, but Lou stepped forward. He crushed his own fingers in a tight grip. ’Do you…want to talk about it?’

He flinched when Radeel’s glance darted at him. He sighed and dropped the cloth into a bucket on the floor. ‘We were attacked.’

He picked up the pole, vial, and bulb, and walked off to his room, his voice distant when he raised it once more, ’You can go to Laxseau or Deengar if you need something. They’re the ones who are least injured.’

Lou heard the door flying shut and sank down on the chair farthest away from the blood stains on the table. He had been pondering about their return every night before falling asleep. All his ideas included some future situation he’d need to force himself out of.

He had quite the opposite at hand, he mused. Forcing himself into their heads was what he’d need to do for the next few days.

Chapter Text

Taeslir and Liu remained unconscious for some days, and the vampire’s absence found their way into these halls.

He couldn’t blame Deengar, or Radeel. Both were busy keeping their heads afloat the painful reminder of a troubled mind. Lax, too, was trying to find a solution to their recovery, and Yppha placed all available thoughts on keeping an eye on Liu. Despite that, he saw his swift figure running from door to door every night in vain.

When he woke up this night, his patience finally came to the point of bursting. He wanted to know what had caused their sudden return, and if Taeslir and Liu were recovering.

He silently scolded himself as climbed up the stairs. Deengar’s face after he had rammed the glass pole into Taeslir’s chest would forever be burned into his mind, and he still chose to seek him out and ask for assistance. He’d tried to reach out to Radeel, but as closed doors weren’t something he wanted to bash through, he figured it smarter to ask for help.

He turned up his nose as he knocked on the door to Deengar’s room. Very much a noise to his discontent. He hadn’t thought about what to tell him yet.

Lou’d never been too full of himself. Pieces of him had always been largely in someone else’s hands rather than his own; he’d learned to live with it.

As the door opened, Deengar squinted at him. The purple dots pierced down on him in disgust before he stepped outside. In the same move of taking a step back, Lou glanced past him, trying to verify Taeslir’s well-being. It was in vain as Deengar closed the door.

’Is he alright?’

Deengar frowned, clearing his throat before answering. ‘He’ll be.’

His voice was dry, and his glance hollow as it wandered over Lou’s neck to his lips and eyebrows. He turned away and leaned against the door, a sigh fleeing his lips as he crossed his arms. ‘What do you want?’

He raised an eyebrow as Lou explained how he had tried to reach Radeel without success. Taking a tired breath, his mien so close to a sigh, he pushed himself away from the door.  ’I’ll try talking to him.’

’You don’t have to!’ Lou yelped, his hand instinctively reaching for Deengar. He stopped himself as Deengar eyed the gesture. ‘I understand if you want to stay with Taeslir…it’s just –…I don’t know what to do anymore.’

’He hasn’t touched one drop of blood since we headed out.’ Deengar’s hand moved up to the side of Lou’s neck. ’There’s all the reason for you to be worried. He’ll delay his need just for the sake of – ‘

His eyes landed on his two fingers. He had pressed them down on Lou’s neck, eyeing the pulsing flow with glistening eyes.

Lou clenched his hands, but his voice was perfectly calm when he responded, ’You haven’t either. You’re all neglecting your needs.’

Their eyes met, and Deengar pulled back. He curled his deadly fingertips into his palm, and crossed his arms again. Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes.

Lou watched his chest slowly filling with air. When it sank, he opened his eyes again, and the flame in them had subsided. ’I’ll talk to him right now.’

Lou should wait here. Or anywhere else. His apathetic remark didn’t specify his whereabouts as he was already walking toward the stairs.

‘Just don’t go inside my room. If something happens with Taeslir, scream for me. I’ll hear you.’

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

He didn’t bother with some useless gesture of a knock; he kicked the handle off and stepped inside. The habit to close it behind his back, however, unconquered by the wrecked lock. As he spotted Radeel’s figure on the bed, his arms sprawled out at his sides, feet dangling off the mattress, he huffed.

His eyes rolled all by themselves. ’Talking or fucking to get your head clear?’

Radeel turned to face him. ’Lou sent you?’

’So, you just ignored him?’

’Well, you didn’t, so it’s fine.’

’My question.’

He quieted briefly. Deengar eyed him.

His response was directed to the ceiling. ’The latter.’

Deengar lunged at him with his words, placing his lips at his collarbone. Radeel sighed softly, but the noise turned into a creak when Deengar pulled on his hair. He spread his legs apart with his knee, and trailed his lips to the spot behind his ear. They didn’t leave any marks as he didn’t intend to push Radeel into liking this. He only wanted to get it down. His body was stiff, a tension that didn’t let him move properly.

Radeel noticed when he easily slipped from Deengar’s grasp around his wrists. Hurrying too much, a frenzied fizzle in his hands, Radeel grabbed his hand from above him, stopping a claw from cutting down the buttons on his blouse.

His voice shook as he squeezed Deengar’s hand, ‘We…we shouldn’t.’

Deengar stopped and eyed Radeel slowly pushing himself up by his elbows. After he repeated his words, Deengar pulled away.

He sighed as he sat down in between Radeel’s legs. ’Nobody’s blaming you, Radeel. You need to –‘

’Stop pitying me.’

’I’m not pitying you,’ Deengar snapped at him, and rolled his sleeve up to the crook of his elbow. Their eyes met again. ’So, stop doing it yourself…this is pathetic.’

He climbed out of bed. ‘No one said this was your fault.’

As he turned around, Radeel had already averted himself. He rolled his eyes as he stepped toward the door. ‘Go and talk with Lou. Or fuck. I don’t care, but don’t lose yourself during something like this.’

He squinted at Radeel. ’We need you.’

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

After rubbing his hands over his eyes and forehead, he forced himself out of the bed. He shook his head as he realised what he had requested of Deengar. He couldn’t justify loading his problems onto him. He had his own worries.

He sighed. Had he not someone who’d voluntarily aid him in getting better?

He hadn’t thought about the earlier knocks this way. Walking to the door, he frowned at the broken handle and pushed it open with his palm.

His search for Lou turned into a single turn of his head, his question, wanting to inquire what he’d wanted earlier, rolling to the back of his throat. Instead, he asked him how long he’d been sitting on the floor, his knees against his chest, a startled glance on his face when he’d opened the door.

’When Deengar returned, he said you might come and get me,’ Lou answered him, turning his head with Radeel’s walk back inside his room. He jumped after him, his voice quieting. ‘So…not too long.’

Radeel fell back on the mattress. He eyed Lou when he explained that Taeslir hadn’t woken up yet, but Liu was slowly improving. Yppha hadn’t allowed him to see them, nevertheless..

Radeel raised an eyebrow. ’You worried about them?’

Lou’s eyes widened. ’I almost…killed Taeslir, and Liu is…they are – well, yes, I worried.’

He sat down beside Radeel and crossed his legs. ‘I also came to check up on you. I’m glad you’re okay.’

Radeel laughed. ‘We both know that’s not the reason.’

’It was. It is,’ Lou said and stemmed his hands against his ankles, his back straightening, ’and to ask you what happened.’

Radeel sighed, his breath heavy in this position

They’d arrived just as planned; a camp to meet up with some allies. As they went over everything that they’d planned to do, the sun was slowly starting to sink outside, yet at its final departure their careful preparations faded into thin dust. Dust swept up by armed humans jumping from some hiding spots, setting fire to their tents. Once they’d realised that Taeslir was still stuck inside one, swifter and faster movement kept them from helping him. Some attackers clearly of his own kind.

He sighed again. ’We didn’t think it would come to the point where we’d need to return, but when Liu was shot by that arrow while shielding – …and with Taeslir in the condition he was in, we hadn’t much of a choice.’

’So, vampires attacked you? Did you intend to take out some nest?’ Lou concluded, but Radeel shook his head.

They had been planning on taking down a larger region of humans. They’d agreed to kill as little as possible due to the number of dying soldiers. The papers he had seen Taeslir working on had been distributed among other vampire estates and smaller groups aspiring to enter their ranks.

’We probably encountered some of those feral nests by accident and they didn’t want to give up their territory without a fight.’

Lou hummed and looked at his ankles. After some silence, Radeel slid his fingers over them. He traced them toward his wrist, where he strengthened the pressure. He smiled when he seemed to have found something and pushed himself up. ’Yours is so much stronger than ours…I almost envy it.’

Lou chuckled uneasily as he moved his fingers up his arm. ‘Why only ‘almost’?’

Radeel didn’t respond as he pushed them to the mattress. Climbing over Lou, he pressed himself to his neck, his face out of Lou’s sight, a breath on his skin. Lou grabbed at his waist out of habitual response, clawing his heightened heartbeat into Radeel’s shirt.

He didn’t properly understand the whisper next to his ear, his response only a weak nod, his voice too dry inside of him. His hand trembling too harshly.

Radeel pushed away at his answer, locking eyes with him. As he slipped his hand away from Lou’s arm, he gained his eyes on him. ’Your consent. For drinking blood.’

Lou’s eyes widened, his breathing still too strong for his throat, his answer a squeak. ‘No…I’d prefer not to. Not like – ’

Radeel pushed himself away, sitting down on his previous spot. He pulled on leg under the other, eyeing the pile of papers on his desk.

Lou stemmed himself up by his elbows, only shakily straightening and sitting down on his knees. They sat like that in silence for a bit before he crawled closer. He wanted to catch Radeel’s eyes on him again. Something had sparkled differently in them when he had asked his question.

He whispered as he bent to move under Radeel’s gaze, ’I can stay if you want me to. And I…you – you could drink if I can keep sitting.’

His lips twitched with a faint smile when Radeel turned and closed the gap between them.

He softly grabbed his jaw to pull him into place, but removed his fingers. One hand moved to his lower back, pulling him into place, the other wrapped around his wrist. He brought it up to Lou’s head, holding it, and tightened the grip.

Lou flinched softly, but Radeel leaned closer. ’Hold still…’

His breath hit his neck, and Lou obeyed. He pushed his index and middle finger into Lou’s palm, carefully moving in between his fingers. A soft squeeze of his hand formed a final warning, the hand on his lower back keeping him in place as he pierced his skin. He squeezed his hand warningly once and pulled on his lower back before blowing a final hot puff of air on his skin.

Lou gasped, his eyes falling shut, but soon noticed that Radeel wasn’t restraining him. No fingers were entangled with his hair, and the hand on his lower back only ghostly held him in place. If he managed to turn his head a little, he could discover the way Radeel pressed into him this longingly.

While they had been away, his mind had wandered over the bites he’d received, his interest particularly drawn to those he had been allowed to look at. Seeing them pierce him made him feel less small. More like he could intervene in their doing.

However, as only Lax and Taeslir had bitten him at his arm, and since their behaviour was more than mountains apart, he hadn’t really found a satisfying answer to his curiosity yet.

With Radeel holding him this unusually softly, he couldn’t help being drawn back to the question of what he might look like. Were his eyes fluttering shut like Taeslir’s tended to do? Or did he grow as easily annoyed as Lax did when he spotted his observing gaze on him?

Were his lips painted in bloody red at the edges that touched his skin? Would his eyes flutter shut similarly to what he had seen Taeslir’s do?

He stopped himself at another question, telling himself he wanted to remember this careful bite… in case of –  

When it ended, Radeel removed his hand from his lower back, giving Lou the chance to move away and sit down again. His legs crossed, and his hands drifted back to his ankles. ’What do you usually do when you’re…stressed?’

’Sex.’

’Apart from that,’ Lou laughed and just so caught his eyes from rolling into his head.

Radeel quieted as he seemed to resume on the question, but after some time a shrug fell from his shoulders.

’You can’t sleep, right?’  

He couldn’t, Radeel confirmed. ’I was born like this, neither heat nor cold…remember?’

He paused, and Lou nodded.

‘Yeah, well, sleeping’s also not really something I can do because of that.’

‘What about hypnosis? I mean, once Liu’s better again of course.’

Radeel snorted and flung his hand into the air. He absolutely wouldn’t fumble with something like that. As he leaned back, a frown ran over his face. ’Why did you really come to check on me, Lou?’

Lou sighed. ‘Why can’t you believe me when I say I was worried?’

‘Just doesn’t make sense.’

‘But I’m completely honest.’

Radeel plumped back against the mattress again, a sigh on his lips. ’You should apply that honesty to yourself more often.’

Lou raised an eyebrow at him. Radeel explained he had the feeling that Lou didn’t behave like he wanted to.

’Your training sort of drilled that out of me,’ Lou laughed quietly, but looked away. ’I’m just afraid.’

’Of?’

’Pain, mostly, and…’

He fell silent and scratched at his ankles.

‘And?’

’And nothing else. The rest is related to pain.’

Another sigh. Radeel’s noises hardly differed in volume or tone.

He pinched Lou’s knees, causing him to glance at him again, a faint smile on his lips. ’How about I allow you to be yourself if you express your thoughts respectfully. I’ll promise not to hurt you.’

’Why would you do that?’

’Just boredom. Curiosity, maybe.’

’You wouldn’t like me…nobody ever did.’

’Aww, this bad?’ Radeel whined and sat up, tilting his head. His glance changed as he saw Lou’s eyes, a glassiness veiling the spark they’d carried from finally being able to help Radeel. A gulp made raising his words harder than before.  ‘You can tell me anything you want. I’ll listen.’

’There’s nothing that’d interest you,’ Lou mumbled and pulled his hand away.

As Radeel remained persistent, he sighed.

He had lived in a tiny, rented flat, half the size of Radeel’s room. He hadn’t even been there when they had attacked the village because he hardly ever spent time at home due to his job. If he hadn’t worked until late at night, than he’d have needed to run some errands or stay longer to still get something to eat, so he had always returned very late into night. As much as he’d liked to sometimes, he couldn’t have changed it. Not being well educated or wealthy enough to leave for a fairly paid work had tied his hands.

He fell silent with his glance in his lap.

’I meant something more…delightful. What do you like talking about?’ Radeel tried his luck again.

’I…never said I didn’t like it, I just – ‘

‘I said I’d listen to your honesty.’

’But I am being honest!’ His gaze snapped at Radeel, his fingers on his ankles. ‘If it weren’t for that tavern, I’d have never met him!’

Radeel’s eyes widened as Lou fell silent in shock. He quickly tried to flip him off, but as he kept pushing excitedly, and he ended up telling the story. Or, less of a story and more of a brief explanation.

He had met an independent adventurer at the tavern once. He had given him some books as Lou mentioned his interest in creatures, and they had talked about them over some detestable wine.

Radeel’s eyes glowed with feigned excitement. ’Wouldn’t that make me interesting?’

‘If you were a bit more restrained and didn’t pose a threat to anyone, probably.’

The sparkle faded, but he told him to keep going. After all, someone had liked him unlike he had said earlier. He must’ve liked him as well.

’He left after some days. That’s it. I never had the courage to be like him and didn’t ask him to take me along.’

He fell silent at Radeel’s mien darkening. His fingers clawed at his ankles again. ’You’re just trying to be nice…I’m sorry. I simply don’t know anything striking I could tell you.’

His voice dropped as Radeel seemed to lose interest. He lied back down, turning away from him before he raised his voice again, ‘And I thought you had a crush. Have you ever had a crush?’

’No, I…I mean, there were some people at the tavern who – well, a lot of alcohol and late-night shifts led to one and another thing. But I didn’t have the time or need to search for something like a crush.’

(They spoke about it with an air of casualty Lou almost appreciated. Just talking felt nice, but when his thoughts clustered, unable to find a reason for Radeel’s questions, his head started to ache. He still couldn’t get their conversation out of his head from before he had left. He gulped hesitantly, unprepared for such a reaction, instead of…the opposite Radeel had just promised him.)

’Can I ask you something as well?’ Lou continued and raised his head, confidence burning lowly in his gut, keeping his glance on Radeel’s. He nodded. ’Why did you insist on my consent?’

He froze for a second, and leaned up against his elbows. ’I don’t want to…hurt you again.’

Lou’s brows furrowed. He wanted to deepen Radeel’s answer with another question, but just as his mouth opened so did the door.

‘Radeel! Radeel…,’ Yppha’s voice trailed off as his eyes jumped between the two. He quickly braced himself again. ‘Liu’s awake!’

Both of them jumped to their feet, but Radeel held Lou back by his shoulder. He’d need to stay behind. They didn’t know how their recovery had progressed, and if they were in a state to handle a human confrontation. He reassured him, he’d come and get him if they situation allowed it.

Lou didn’t get to respond as he rushed out the door.

They reached Yppha’s room in no time, both neither conserving their speed nor breath. Liu’s eyes lit at them after they’d opened the door, and they jumped forward with Radeel’s name on their lips. After barely a breath, they plumped down on the edge of the bed, their strength giving out.

Radeel frowned and rushed over. ‘You’re staying right where you are.’

He pulled on their arms and sat them against the wall, but they teared away and slung their arms around his waist. ‘I’m so glad you’re okay!’

Radeel smiled warmly as they pressed their face into his chest. As they slid down for good, he pushed them against the wall and grabbed their hand. They tried calming their breaths, their eyelids fluttering as their vision seemed to blur, and Radeel squeezed their hand, silently urging his question to their senses. They started talking all on their own.

They could only evaluate what substance had been on the arrow that had struck them, but they probably wouldn’t guess too far off if they assumed it was poison. It must’ve reached their muscles as they couldn’t move their legs at all. Their upper body, too, seemed affected as they didn’t feel any touch on their skin.

Yppha frowned and kneeled next to the bed. ’Those symptoms will fade with time, right?’

’Probably,’ Liu casually said and turned to Yppha. They smiled at him as he did the same.

Their mien dropped once more though, ‘What worries me more is this here.’

They pulled up their loose shirt to reveal a thin line of the black pest that had plagued them. It was right on top of their heart. ’I spotted it earlier when you were out to get Radeel. I don’t think it’s spreading, but if it indicates what I think it does, then that poisonous shit reached my heart.’

Yppha jumped to his next question of possible consequences, but Liu shook their head. They didn’t know if it meant something or how this would turn out, but they absolutely didn’t want to get their hands into it by trying out some countermeasure.

’Does it hurt?’ Radeel asked and pushed his fingers on the black mark.

Liu shook their head. ‘Nothing else really hurts either.’ They smiled sadly. ’It just feels dead. Like my limbs don’t want to do what I want them to do.’

Their hand fell into their lap, and Radeel rushed after it. He immediately arched his brows when he held them, his fingers on their wrist. Their pulse was extremely low, even lower than the usual low beat, he noticed and handed Liu’s wrist to Yppha .

’Then it’s used for slowing down, maybe shutting down, my system…that’s probably why I’m feeling this exhausted,’ Liu concluded.

Radeel hummed as he forced them to lie down, but they jumped into tired muscles, wanting to check up on Taeslir. Radeel told them what Lou had told him and added he’d go check on him himself if they wanted him to.

At the mention of Lou, their eyes lit up, and they asked how he was doing.

’He’s fine…a bit shocked, and he’s worried about both you and Taeslir.’

’You should go back to sleep, okay? I’ll stay here,’ Yppha said and stroked over the back of their hand with his thumb.

Their eyelids fluttered when he pushed some strands of hair behind their ear. ’But I can see Taeslir when I wake up…right?’

’We’ll wait for your condition when you wake up, but if you recover fast, I’ll get you to him, yeah?’

They hummed briefly, and the next second, they were gone.

Radeel sighed again and rose from the bed. He turned to Yppha. ’Are you fine as well?’

He was tired, he said smilingly. Not that Radeel had expected him not to be. To not close his eyes lay in his capabilities, not Yppha’s, whose overeager worry would eventually be his doom.

Yppha too stood up after he pulled the blankets over Liu. ’Why was Lou with you?’

He eyed Radeel, holding him in his grasp with the purest intention – and Radeel took the outstretched hand in form of an open ear. He listened to what he had been pondering over when lying on the bed, when driving to their destination, when bringing him to bed all those nights ago.

’…I just don’t know how to make him feel less afraid.’

Yppha chuckled lightly. ’I don’t think you’re doing an all too bad job, but he can’t just change from one second to another – and neither can you. Just show him where the limit is and make him feel safe as long as he sticks to it – but you’ll also need to respect his boundaries.’

’I told him I don’t want to force myself on him anymore.’

’Well, that’s…one way to start. I thought of something smaller.’

’I just don’t want to hurt him again. Why don’t I want that, Yppha? I don’t know…I don’t, I already couldn’t put it into words when we drove home from the theatre, and then when I talked with him before we left, I – I saw something in his words, something so completely different than what everyone had...’

‘Radeel?’ Yppha smiled as he looked at him once more and stepped closer. He placed his hands on his shoulders and pushed him down against the floor, physically rooting him. ’Some scars can’t be healed, no matter how hard you try…Lou won’t be any different, you know that. What you…what we did can’t be undone…but if you really put your head to it, you’ll at least manage to live with it. Both of you.’

Radeel laughed softly, ‘I’ll start seeing you as a parental figure if you don’t stop that.’

Yppha weakly slapped at him, his lips in a smile. ‘I’m younger than you! Get your numbers straight!’ He laughed, but the sound faded as his mien dropped. ‘I also decided to not stay quiet any longer if Lou’s forced to do something.’

Radeel nodded, but said he shouldn’t blame himself. Yppha immediately shook his head, and Radeel sighed, ‘You know, sometimes I thought you hated him.’

’That’s not it,’ Yppha answered and crossed his arms. ‘He gets clingy, not that I blame him. I just feel like he thinks I’m soft.’

Radeel laughed again. ‘No one thinks that, believe me. And should Lou think so, then he’ll find out soon enough; the entire building notices when you’re mad.’

He opened the door, mumbling that he’d still check up on Taeslir and report Liu’s current state to Lou. They couldn’t have them meet under these circumstances. On top, he’d talk to Lax in the morning; something had to be done about the whole situation.

Before he stepped over the threshold, he turned around once more. A sad smile on his lips. ‘When was the last time we talked like this?’

Yppha’s gaze also chilled. ‘I don’t remember.’

He braced himself with a brief twitch at his lips. ‘But I’m glad you’re back in shape.’

Radeel smiled, his glance lowering, and stepped outside.

Chapter Text

Taeslir was recovering slower although he had first regained a somewhat normal conscious state. Exactly that level of recuperating had, however, brought Yppha’s role of guarding someone upon Deengar, because while the other could finally relax with Liu regaining their strength, if so slowly and in dragging manner, Taeslir kept Deengar awake with him. He cried out his name whenever his eyes opened, and as he was giving his all in restraining himself from clawing at him, he exhausted himself until his screams died in his throat.

Deengar endured it. Holding him locked between his arms, hardly hissing when Taeslir’s claws sank into him, he waited until his painful screams reduced to a tremble.

It appeared a circle; while everyone thought he was recovering, some words had even flowed between them, his chances reduced with every new scratch that appeared on Deengar’s arm.

They decided to search for a different solution; Radeel wanted to examine the root of his sickness. He concluded from his own experience of past dying, decaying, comrades that their means of providing a certain, necessary liquid was at fault.

His memory and some documents he had looked through described two opposing scenarios; either a vampire drank more than enough blood, stilling an imaginative thirst that appeared unsatiable, or their throat didn’t touch a single drop of fresh blood. Both scenarios usually let the vampire turn feral. Their sanity would crumble with the irresistible hunger for blood, and they couldn’t still it in any way.

To say they were usually living along a balanced path somewhere in the middle of those phenomena would’ve been a lie. Blandly put, no middle passage existed anywhere around the higher ranks of the regime. Their rank allowed them to swagger around excess, while everyone else was urged toward the other end. That’s why their numbers had been threatened at larger scale for years now. Even after they’d decided to reduce their own consumption, the decline was long past saving.

Now, regarding Taeslir’s condition, they had provided him with stored, cold blood alone. Taeslir’s usual blood-intake had reduced in minimal time, while he was injured on top, and he had slipped. Slipped so dangerously quickly and to an extent that Radeel had needed to express his conclusion to Deengar.

He'd die if he didn’t get his lips on some fresh blood.

Deengar almost jumped out the door with that.

Radeel held him back and pushed reason to his senses. To let Taeslir suck on a living human would decrease their already low and falling numbers of resources. Deengar complained and needed to restrain himself from pointing his claws at Radeel. Still, despite his words of how such a sacrifice wasn’t justified when they were talking about Taeslir, Radeel denied him. He’d need to get Taeslir in better shape, he said. If he wasn’t to pose a threat to the person he’d drink from, Radeel might think about it again.

It had been another two days since that conversation.

Liu had advised them to use some untrustworthy potions from their cabinet, and after Yppha had forcibly persuaded them to leave the topic to Deengar, they lay their own mind to rest again.

Lou had observed their proceedings from the back row – a back row so far from them that guilt bubbled up in his mix of emotions. He had stored them away at his inability of helping them, trying to reduce the agonizing hunch of uselessness that burned in his chest.

He had tried offering his blood, but Radeel had denied him. They’d find another way, he had said. He also said, later to Yppha that day, that Taeslir’s chances of not killing the human were higher if the victim was somewhat trusting and calm. – Still, Lou wasn’t granted a single thought.

At least he hadn’t been ignored as Radeel went to Lax, who had returned from some errand, and asked for his opinion.

Lou waited outside while they were talking in Lax’ room. He had decided on an answer anyway; no matter Radeel’s response and the punishment he’d receive should their views not correspond; he’d walk upstairs to Taeslir tonight.

Yppha joined him shortly before the door of Lax’ room opened. He was faster in rushing toward Radeel and quickly asked for the outcome of their discussion.

Radeel didn’t respond as his gaze and head stayed lowered to the floor. Just Yppha’s touch on his arm made him raise his head.

’Lax said – he said there’s…,’ Radeel mumbled, but his voice faded as he wiped Yppha’s hand off his arm.

His eyes flew shut for a deep breath. When he opened them again, he stared down at Yppha, his gaze distant. ’He’ll need some blood. Since he can’t kill the provider, there won’t be enough to completely heal his condition.’

They’d still need to do it, Yppha exclaimed and flinched as Radeel slapped away his hand.

Lou quickly rushed to Yppha’s side. ’If I do it, he’ll be able to drink a tiny bit more than with someone else.’

Yppha raised an eyebrow as he turned to him. ‘When did Liu tell you that?’

Lou looked at him, but quickly fled the bright yellow dots. He fumbled with his fingers when he raised his voice again, ‘I just recall them rambling about my body reacting differently if I offer myself…’

’I can’t remember them rambling about something of that sort when they explained their success of your ritual,’ Yppha responded, oblivious of the tremble Lou was hiding by crossing his arms.

’Then, maybe, they just phrased it differently, but I’m sure I’ll be of help.’

His breathing had strengthened when he looked at Yppha again, but he relaxed as the colour in his eyes was warmer.

He sighed despite the warmness in his glance. ’It’s either got to be you or someone else anyway. Radeel, what do – ’

’I don’t care!’ he yelled, his hand flinching away from Yppha as if he had anticipated a touch. When his glance fell on Yppha’s hands, unchanged in their position far away from him, he calmed himself with an exhale. ‘Just don’t let him die.’

He rushed to his room, Lou and Yppha glancing after him. Even after he had disappeared, their glances lingered in the hallway leading to his room.

Yppha disrupted their stare eventually, telling Lou to decide. He didn’t know what else to do.

Lou glanced after him until he left into his room, not pondering on the thoughts trying to torment him anew.

As his legs carried him upstairs, his thoughts started racing after all. He couldn’t give Yppha what he wanted. No matter how much the throb in his chest hurt with every step and how afraid he was at their descriptions of what Taeslir might do to him, he just couldn’t. He wanted to help them and, even more, he needed to remedy what he had done to Taeslir.

He had tried to tell himself he couldn’t have known better and that the technique he had used wasn’t at fault for Taeslir’s condition. If he had done something, he’d saved him. – But the thought was too praising to fit into his head. 

When he stood in front of Deengar’s room, his hands were trembling, and his throat felt itchy. The wait after his knock felt too long, while his heart would’ve appreciated another couple of throbs. His voice was weak as he explained the situation to Deengar.

’Don’t be stupid, he’ll instantly kill you,’ he mumbled, his lips curling in anger. Yet his temper was crushingly crushingly exceeded by the exhaustion dripping off his words.

Stubbornly as Lou had planned to behave, his denial didn’t align with Deengar’s expected answer. His eyes widened before he looked back at Taeslir. With his glance returning, he stepped out of the room, leaving a crack between door and frame.  

His expression darkened as he looked down on Lou. ’You count to the livestock down in the basement just as well, and Radeel told me not to use them. So, don’t think you’re something special just because we know your name.’

Lou repeated what Radeel had said down in the hall, and Deengar’s angered expression dropped a little. Since his anger was stronger than his confusion, his denying glance didn’t take long to re-manifest. As he took a breath, he dug his claws into the wooden doorframe, directly next to Lou’s chest. His confusion wasn’t strong enough to conquer it and he quickly strengthened his glance another time.

For a second, he wanted to falter. But a screeched hiss slithered through the door, and his head turned.

Deengar’s deadly gesture instantly fell.

Lou feared his ears were bleeding and brought a hand up to lightly push against them. He had heard pained screams before, during their attack on his village too, but nothing was like the noise that had pierced his mind just now. It stung in his forehead, and his stomach churned when he thought to go nauseous all of a sudden.

The hiss was quieter than a scream, but the fear inside the trembling push of air had sounded so near that Lou thought he himself had produced the noise. His heart ached when he noticed his pulse quickening.

 – Taeslir had howled in agony.

Mortal agony.

Lou threw a helpless glance at Deengar, hoping he’d find rescue. He didn’t meet his eyes as Deengar had pressed his fingers against the bridge of his noise. He pushed them against his forehead, trying to be secretive about the sting in his own forehead, and lowered the hand with a sigh.

He moved quickly, through the door and back inside, but Lou caught the expression on his face. His anger had flown away. The expression looked like something he hadn’t seen him wear before. And though it appeared mostly tired and a little pained, an urgency clearly glinted in his eyes.

Lou stepped inside to prove his assumption; Deengar was sitting on his bed, his body bent over Taeslir as one arm stemmed against the mattress, another against Taeslir’s shoulder. He was whispering some words of comfort, but raised his volume when Taeslir didn’t react.

Lou felt his brows shift closer as he caught Deengar’s voice. With the pitch higher than usual, his words possessed an unusual gentleness.

Deengar flinched as Taeslir threw his claws into his arm, but made no sound. They were both breathing heavily. Taeslir couldn’t catch a hold on any of his breaths, his chest turning into a quailing surface, and Deengar’s breathing heightened the longer he failed to calm him.  

When he finally did, he allowed his eyes to close, and he quieted. Taeslir was still trembling when Lou decided to close the door.

Sweat glistened on his forehead and his arms as both places were again covered in skin. But it was paler than his usually darker skin tone.  

Taeslir was eyeing the wound on Deengar’s arm, blood slowly drooling out and falling to the top sheets that were bloodied and soaked with sweat. He had sat up, and eyed the bloody marks around him like he had forgotten where he was. And why he needed to be here.

When Lou stepped closer, perhaps out of curiosity or the lack of a reaction, Taeslir hissed and turned away. Halting, Lou’s body snapped backward, and he brought up his hands.

Deengar threw a repulsed look at him before he placed his hands on Taeslir again, keeping him from jumping off the bed.

’What’s he doing here?’

Taeslir’s voice sounded awfully different. Lou almost caught himself requesting him to repeat himself since the sound appeared so strange to him.

He wondered if he had ever been that slim. His muscles had certainly been at least somewhat defined. As Taeslir turned another time, his arms moved out from under Deengar’s. He placed them on the mattress on the other side, his back facing Lou. By trying to push himself up, his spine pressed against his back, the thin blouse hardly covering the bones unnaturally pressing against his skin.

He threw another glance at Lou when he gave up and decided to rest in this slumped position. His eyes were veiled behind a dull, grey film that absorbed and prevented any colour from sparkling. His lips were missing their youthful, healthy pink shade.

Lou hadn’t quite understood Radeel when he had said Taeslir would rot away in front of their eyes didn’t they act. Now, the term seemed an understatement. The burns had healed and left no marks, neither so on Taeslir’s hair that fell over his shoulder, unbound and messy. But what had vanished with them was his essence.

’He wants you to drink from him,’ Deengar answered and decided to move his hands under Taeslir’s arm and over his back. He was trembling against the mattress, and Deengar was sure not to let him fall.

He’d kill him, Taeslir responded, and Deengar clarified, he had said the same. Lou piped in as well when a decision on Taeslir’s part seemed to form and claimed his complete consent with the idea and assured him, he had been the one who had come up with it.

’That makes it even more stupid – even stupider,’ Taeslir said, confusedly correcting himself, and requested Deengar to get him out.

Lou panicked and stepped forward. ’I won’t! You need it. Radeel said you’d die if you don’t drink and here I am, full bag of blood. Just..’

He fell silent as Deengar raised his hand.

Taeslir’s strength vanished against his shaking muscles, and Deengar caught him. Leaning him against the pillow, he grabbed him by both his arms, but Taeslir jerked his head away from Lou. His claws dug into the mattress, and one hand lifted to cling to Deengar’s arm.

’I don’t want your blood,’ he forced out between gasped breaths and winced when Lou decreased their distance by another step.

‘I don’t believe you.’

Another step forced a sob from Taeslir’s lips, and his grasp on Deengar’s arm tightened.

Deengar’s free hand pressed against Lou’s chest, and Lou caught his glare, the colour piercing his muscles like a needle. He couldn’t take another step.

Deengar sighed when he glanced back at Taeslir, who was giving his all in not tearing Lou apart. Maybe, he’d have shredded him, hadn’t Deengar’s hand pressed down on his arm.

’I’ll hate myself for this’, he mumbled, let go of Lou, and placed his fingers on the side of Taeslir’s jaw. ’I agree with him, Tae.’

Even little pressure sufficed to make Taeslir’s head turn.

’Don’t lie’, he snapped in response. ’Be realistic, I could possibly –’

’I am. You won’t hurt him.’ He smiled weakly. ’If someone has enough strength to pull something like this during a time like this, then it’s you.’

Their eyes stayed bound to each other even after Deengar’s hand had slipped off and moved to Taeslir’s hand.

Taeslir’s glance flickered down at some point, striking their connected fingers. He seemed calmer when he glanced back up. His voice wasn’t shaking anymore as he doubtingly asked if Lou trusted him with his life. He eyed him for a good minute after his nod, eyes travelling to the spot of his hunger. His teeth started chattering, and he firmly bit down on his bottom lip.

’Fine, but if I can’t stop, you’ll force me off him,’ Taeslir agreed and glanced at Deengar.

’When your fangs got a grip, I couldn’t get you off him in any –’

’There’s one way.’

’No,’ Deengar refused with a disbelieving laugh. He was serious; that technique would harm him more than this proceeding could possibly heal him. However, Taeslir likewise didn’t joke in this matter.

’Either you agree, or I won’t do it.’

He stared at Deengar for a moment longer and won with a sigh. It was a dissatisfied, but honest approval.

Taeslir held his hand out to Lou. He wasn’t looking at him, his fingers cold, sweaty, and trembling when they wrapped around him.

Lou held his breath as he sat down next to him, his fist in his lap. Watching as Taeslir brought his wrist to his lips, hearing him gulp one tiny drop of blood from his veins. The grip tightening around his arm.

He yelped at him throwing his hand away, a hiss carrying Taeslir’s body over his, teeth persistently clinging to his neck. His glance on the ceiling, he couldn’t fight against the harsh push against his arm, a sting in his muscles at the side Taeslir was sucking from him.

Something was thumping inside his ears as he tried to pull his other hand free, awkwardly wiggling it out from beneath him, Deengar’s silhouette swimming away in the corner of his eye. His hand felt heavy. He couldn’t grasp him. Too much warmth radiated from his neck.

His fingers only brushed Taeslir’s ponytail, tracing past his neck, before his hand fell to the floor.

His vision blurred when he could finally breath again, Taeslir’s body off his, though no breath felt strong enough. His head dipped to the side as his hand couldn’t raise his hand to his neck.

‘I told you to stop me!’

The noise ached, but Lou’s muscles chased after it. His eyes meeting a blurry picture of Taeslir sitting against the bedframe.

‘He told me not to!’ Deengar yelled back at him, quickly leaning over Lou to gently pull him up by the neck and shoulder. ‘…was begging me not to.’

He didn’t remember opening his lips.

‘Well, he certainly didn’t have a say in this!’ Taeslir hissed as he leaned forward, his hand trying to reach for Lou.

He halted when Lou’s glance shot at him. He smiled weakly. ‘You sound like yourself again.’

Taeslir sank back to his knees, a weak breath escaping him. His glance rose as Deengar picked Lou up, but the bright, green dots, just above smeared lips that had regained their colour, quickly disappeared from Lou’s sight as he carried him out of the room. His temple was burning as he leaned against his collarbone.

’Don’t die on me now,’ Deengar said, hurrying downstairs. ‘I’ll search for something helpful.’

Lou aimlessly mumbled his name, wincing when Deengar threw two doors open, the noise like a dagger in his ear. He sighed when he placed him on the bed inside Liu’s backroom, his vision blurring from the purple light of some candles. Clinging to the commotion outside, he watched Deengar enter the room with some bandages, vials, and some scissors. Half his body illuminated by the light falling through the open door.

Swift fingers wiped at his neck, smearing the blood flowing from the slits on his throat to his collarbone. The cool liquid on the cloth stung. Lou shunned away.

He flinched as Deengar went to his arm instead, pressing a dark piece of fabric against it before slinging some bandages over the wound. Smoothly hiding what would certainly be purple by tomorrow.  

They didn’t share any words.

Lou was dizzy and his neck ached. He couldn’t as much as breathe, how should he have pronounced words? (The thought dwelled in his mind a little too long to not worry him when he realised he was drifting off.)

He didn’t notice how Deengar fixed up the bandages with a small pin, he could only listen. Hearken to the noise flowing up to him, a stare piercing the wound on his neck. A glance revealed the hesitance in Deengar’s muscles, eyes glowing with focus as purple irises shrank against blackening pupils.

When Deengar stepped into motion again, the image blurred, Lou’s head too heavy to hold in place. He whined as it fell on his shoulder, the muscles beneath his wound stretching. The room felt too chilly as Deengar teared off the shirt on his left shoulder, wiping some blood off his collarbones. Dripping stains disturbed its whiteness.

He whined when Deengar pushed his cheek aside, holding him by his freezing muscles to wipe the wound clean. Heat stirred up in his gut, his lips silently forming Deengar’s name, his cheek burning with the want to push into his touch.

’Hold still,’ Deengar hissed and pushed Lou’s attempt away.

Grasping determination, Lou’s hand rose from the mattress and clawed at Deengar’s fingers. He swiftly sent them flying with a flick of his hand. He couldn’t work with him shaking like this.

’You’re shaking as well,’ Lou whispered without a thought behind his words.

Deengar pulled his hands away, his face probably twisting in anger, but Lou couldn’t see it. His sight failed him despite the light from Liu’s room sweeping in. Deengar stemmed his hands against the mattress, pushing back to pick up some paste.

As he brushed past Lou’s waist, he whimpered.  still haven’t –’

’Don’t even think about suggesting some bullshit offer. Your pulse is barely here any – ’

’That’s not true.’ Lou pushed up, and Deengar’s glance shot to him. He would’ve pulled away, hadn’t Lou’s weak pull on his hand caught him by surprise. He let him guide his hand to his chest, acknowledging the erected heartbeat. It was pumping too fast for Lou’s current appearance. His skin radiated with heat. Deengar’s hand felt like ice.

Lou moved it. Away from his heart and to a more sensitive spot.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’ Deengar snapped at him and fetched him by the wrist. His hand shaking with the loss of touch on him.

‘I don’t know,’ Lou cried and tried to pull back his hand. Instead, it went to Deengar’s blouse and clutched to it. ­‘I – My body…wants – ‘

He was leaning forward and clutched his other hand to his throat. Deengar’s glance fell on the strengthless choke around his own larynx. His nails faintly scratched over his skin. He wanted the damned words out of his throat, the painful want out of his mind.

When he looked up at Deengar, he silently screamed at Liu’s sorcery around his heart. He hated it for making Deengar’s glance appear safe and inviting. He damned it when his heart jumped another beat and his fingers crawled off his throat and to Deengar’s shoulder.

‘I need to give it to you,’ he breathed and caught a sob in his throat.

The next instant, he moved up to Deengar’s face. At last second, Deengar pushed him away, throwing his leg over him to keep him at the mattress. Restraining him.

He whimpered when he couldn’t lift his arms.

‘Stop whatever the shit this –‘

‘Please. Please, just drink it,’ Lou cried as his mind regained some sensible thought at being trapped.

He couldn’t pursue what the energy inside of him wanted, his heart only aching stronger as a glance into Deengar’s face revealed saturated purple and a flash of fangs.

He was panting, heavily, his stare a mindless focus, a bright flow surrounding widened pupils. He sucked in a breath as he spotted the marks on Lou’s neck, turning away and shutting his eyes. ‘Lou…’

’I’ll be fine,’ Lou muttered and wanted to add, he couldn’t calm himself any other way, but bit his tongue when Deengar glanced back at him. He didn’t want his breath to falter at the sight.

Deengar’s eyes had never been that shiny, that deadly, that dangerously sparkling. They belonged to a beast, longing for its prey to finally relent and stop fighting for its life.

Just that Deengar wasn’t. Not right now.

He gently squeezed his hand.

Wrapping his other around the back of his neck, nails softly scratching past his scalp, he pulled Lou into place, his lips filled with a command to tell him when to stop.

Lou nodded carefully, his hair ruffling against Deengar’s loose grip. His heart thumping, as if he had jumped laps around the estate, he closed his eyes once Deengar’s fangs pierced him. They froze, so awfully against his heated skin, yet he didn’t feel the need to pull away. His fingers ghostly traced over Deengar’s waist, clawing at his shirt.

He opened his eyes when he heard the sound next to his ear, wet, soft puffs, a careful wait for his blood to ooze out of him, instead of directly sucking it out. Deengar gently traced his thump over Lou’s palm. His breathing had slowed. His body wasn’t shaking anymore.

Lou lowered his hand before speaking up. ‘It’s starting to hurt.’

As Deengar pulled away, he smiled weakly. With strengthened muscles, he pushed himself against the wall, giving Deengar some space to retrieve the remaining supplies. When he glance returned, he froze a little, both eyeing each other. A confused purple meeting Lou’s glassy eyes.

As he wrapped the bandages around the cream he had applied to Lou’s throat, he checked on him with every sling, only continuing once Lou told him they weren’t too tight for him. With a final clip, Deengar got up, throwing the scissors and Lou’s torn shirt on Liu’s bed outside.

His lips carried a question when he peeked back inside.

’I’m just tired, but I’m actually feeling better than before,’ Lou answered and sat up straighter.

’Do you need anything else?’ he asked as he leaned against the doorpost.

’No, just…could you not leave me here, please? I don’t like it if I’m being honest.’

Deengar scanned through the room once before laughing quietly.

’Can’t really blame you’, he admitted and walked toward him. While he picked him up, they agreed on bringing him to Taeslir’s room since Lou had frowned at Deengar suggesting to bring him to Radeel. He explained he had seemed rather upset earlier when he had returned from Lax.

Deengar sighed as they stepped out of Liu’s backroom. ’You know…normally, I wouldn’t even have opened the door to that chamber, but that little rat needed to leave everything in here in their typical mess before we left.’

Lou tried to keep his temple off Deengar’s shoulder. ’Sounds like you don’t like them that much.’

’I wouldn’t say that. They’re just…tiring.’

’I think they’d say something similar about you,’ Lou laughed, but clenched his fingers around Deengar’s shirt when he caught his glance on him.

Deengar turned away with a smile. ’Probably.’

He walked past the door to his room, heading for one at the far-left end.

Taeslir’s room looked like Deengar’s in its structure, but cleaner and with a huge desk and cupboards instead of weapons. After he had put him down and lit a candle, Lou glanced around the light shade of green and beige that painted the walls. His head cocked up when Deengar mumbled, he’d get back to Taeslir.

He didn’t blow out the candle upon Lou’s request, and placed it on a smaller desk to the bed’s side.

‘I’ll leave the door open,’ he added and stepped over the threshold.

Lou had already turned over when Deengar glanced over his shoulder again. ’Lou?’

He hummed in response.

Thank you.

Lou had clearly heard it, even smiled to himself, but with the sleepiest of voices he asked Deengar what he had said, he hadn’t caught it.

’Never mind,’ Deengar laughed. The noise was of such delight Lou had doubted the other could produce it. ’Just go to sleep.’

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

The walk down the hallway carried itself lighter on Deengar’s shoulders. A silent worry had still clung to him as he couldn’t check on Taeslir, but when he opened the door to his room, it subsided. He smiled faintly and closed it.

Taeslir, in contrast, expressed his disbelief the second he saw him and his recovered state, aghast at how he could’ve taken something from Lou in his state.

Deengar rolled his eyes and pulled his shirt over his head. ’You could really start being nicer, I’m not up for playing your supervisor any longer.’

Throwing his shirt onto a pile of bloodied sheets, he looked on the blood stains he’d carried upstairs with him.

‘Dee?’

He cocked his head at Taeslir’s call, a feigned sigh on his lips as he approached him.

’I’m sorry,’ Taeslir said and pulled Deengar closer to him, pressing his nose into his collarbone. ’He’s so fragile compared to us, and I just…I didn’t mean to –’

Deengar assured him of Lou’s well-being, told him how he had acted, and, yes, he even offered to tell the others to check up on him.

Taeslir hummed and nodded his head, but quickly lost himself in his thoughts as he traced his fingers over Deengar’s arm. They breathed in unison until Taeslir’s fingertips slid over four, line-shaped scratches on Deengar’s shoulder.

Instantly, his glance filled with worry, his lips soon brushed by a gasp as Deengar grabbed him by the jaw.

’Stop acting like some scratches are lethally threatening me.’

He chuckled, but Taeslir’s frown persisted, and he rolled his eyes. ‘I’ll just clean them and they’ll be gone by tomorrow.’

He turned around, walking toward the bathroom at the other side of his room. He could feel Taeslir’s eyes on his before he even raised his voice.

‘I still hurt you.’

Deengar turned around and reached for him again, clenched his fingers around his throat gently, pulled him up to his face. ’It’s not like I’ve never left some marks on you…don’t blame yourself.’

His assurance sounded like an order, and Taeslir fell back against the mattress. He shifted toward the end of the bed and threw the top layer of the sheets to the pile on the floor. Only now, Deengar fully registered that he had cleaned himself and not just wiped the blood from his lips and chin as he had thought.

He scolded himself for the time he had gifted Lou instead of Taeslir, but exhaled and closed his eyes contently at this whole thing working out. He headed for the room attached opposite of the bed, needing to step over the piles of weapons, but froze as the door moved behind him.

Taeslir had opened his lips, without an idea of what they’d pronounce, but they closed upon the intruder, and he turned his head.

Their glances flew to the figure entering, and they too opened their mouth like Taeslir had done. Before a word could drop though, they collapsed and landed in Deengar’s arm. He had rushed back, senses rewarding him with rapidity, and prepared a scold.

Yet, the first verbal interaction began at the other person’s lips.

’Yppha wouldn’t let me up here,’ Liu explained, clinging to Deengar. They hung over his arm, unable to catch their breath.

’Yeah, I get why,’ Deengar answered, pulled them up, and added, he’d bring them back down.

’But I want to check on Taeslir.’

’You’d better check on yourself first. How could you help him if – ’

’Deengar,’ Taeslir interrupted him, his eyes glistening. ‘Please.’

Deengar huffed, but pulled Liu into his arms. He sighed once more and carried them over to the bed.

They clearly couldn’t have walked on their own, but as Deengar dropped them to the bed, they jumped at Taeslir, curled into his chest, and slung their arms around his waist. It looked painful, but Taeslir smiled.

Deengar could’ve screamed at them for their strangeness, but stepped back instead when Taeslir’s glance fell so softly to Liu’s messy hair.

Taeslir slung his arms around them as well and buried his face in their hair under his chin. ’You shouldn’t go against Yppha if he’s requesting you to stay by his side.’

He wanted to ask them to go back down, but Liu’s whine cut him off. They tightened their arms around him. ‘I can’t! Yppha didn’t ask me to stay by his side…he forced me. Even though I recovered, he didn’t keep his promise.’

’I’m sure Yppha didn’t mean it like that,’ Taeslir lowered his voice and brushed his hand through Liu’s hair.

They sobbed tearlessly. ‘I know that…but it didn’t hurt any less.’

’You don’t look like you recovered’ Deengar raised his voice.

’I did! The stairs just kind of got to me…,’ Liu admitted with a sad smile.

Instead of commenting on the low amount of stairs up to his room, Deengar left to where he originally wanted to go. He said, they should do whatever they wanted, Yppha sure knew where to find them if he found Liu missing.

Once he had disappeared, Taeslir asked how they’d escaped.

Liu grinned. ’He’s sleeping and I snuck out.’

They leaned back a little and eyed Taeslir for a second. He looked fine, they said after some time, and finally slumped down to mattress.

Taeslir lied down as well. His explanation of his recovery was brief, but Liu nodded happily. When their glance darkened, he added Lou’s well-being to his words.

’Why would he offer himself to you like that?’ Liu mumbled quietly, snuggling up to Taeslir’s side as his words lulled them into sleepiness.

Taeslir explained his idea of how Lou felt responsible for his condition. When he turned over and slung his arm around them, Liu’s glance altered. They appeared wideawake, and Taeslir’s soothing pulls couldn’t hold them down. They sat up and stemmed their hands against the mattress.

‘Why does he feel responsible? Did he do something?’ they asked hollowly, and Taeslir wrapped his hand around their arm before he provided an explanation. Their gaze softened, but they still didn’t see how Lou performing the healing could make him feel responsible.

Taeslir sighed. ’Deengar said I was dead for a second.’

Lightning would’ve struck Liu gentler than Taeslir’s remark, and they jolted against his grip. Taeslir asked them to look at him when they panicked, anger brooding as they appeared dangerously like they were scanning the area for Lou. He convinced them Lou hadn’t done it willingly and no one else had known what to do, but Liu snapped at him that they weren’t stupid.

‘I know that, but he can’t just kill you! Even if it’s temporary.’

They pushed away from the mattress, and Taeslir ached into a bent of his spine, clinging to Liu’s torso and pulling them back down.

’I think Deengar mentioned, Lou had that knowledge from you,’ he whispered and ran his hand through their hair behind their ear. ‘So, you taught him?’

‘Well, no, but I told him –‘

‘So, the credit is yours. You indirectly saved me.’

‘Yeah, I mean – I don’t know.’

Taeslir cupped their cheek, tracing his thumb over their lips. Lou didn’t do anything, he repeated and searched for Liu’s eyes. They nodded silently. With a smile Taeslir pulled them toward his chest, and they calmed down. Another, quieter approval slid from their lips as they drifted off.

Deengar huffed from across the room, and Taeslir looked up at him. ’It’s scary every time, knowing you can just do that.’

Taeslir shifted and looked at him. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Manipulating them into calming down.’

Taeslir turned up his nose. ‘That’s not what I was doing. It’s trust and wanting to keep them safe.’

He earned himself a shrug as Deengar sat down on the free side of the bed, his glance swaying to Liu.

He eventually asked what they’d do now.

’Would you mind if they stayed? Like you said, Yppha will know where to find them.’

’If I mind?’ Deengar snapped at him, but immediately lowered his voice again. ‘I’ll be the one Yppha will scold for not having returned them, but of course, you two just do your lovely thing.’

He slipped under the covers, too tired to keep up his act, and moved his arm over Liu’s head to brush his fingers through Taeslir’s hair.

Taeslir smiled. ‘Someone like you shouldn’t have a problem with that.’

Deengar’s expression changed, and his hand fell to Taeslir’s neck. Needing to bite down on his lip to silence his laugh, Taeslir watched him.

’He scares me when he’s mad,’ Deengar murmured quietly and turned over to face the ceiling.

Taeslir’s teeth lost their purpose, and a snort rang through the room.

Deengar’s glare flickered at him, and Taeslir quickly agreed.

He warned him; should he even think about telling him, he’d sense it, and he would regret his decision – not in the pleasurable way. His eyes flickered brightly until they caught a glimpse of Taeslir’s warm smile. He let the warning stare drop and turned back to the ceiling.

’You should trust me some more as well, you know,’ Taeslir said and closed his eyes. He noticed how Deengar’s weight shifted and soon found a hand on his upper arm.

‘If that means, you’ll treat me like Liu just now, I don’t want it’, Deengar pressed a tired laugh through his answer, but his smile thinned in a hint of seriousness.

Taeslir removed his hand from Liu’s back and pulled on Deengar’s waist – a silent response as they didn’t raise their voices again.

Chapter Text

When he woke up, the bandage around his throat felt itchy, and the marks pulsed with warmth. He had thought he was stuck in a dream, but had quickly thrown the thought aside. Although his eyelids had risen in too many bad dreams that night, he knew he had fully stirred awake this time.

(Nightmares had been plaguing him for some weeks now. The longer they lay in the past, the shorter and less vivid they were, but the chunks he could remember haunted him all the same. The recent one, too, had forced him to opened eyes rather than being the gentle end of a night’s rest.)

As his back left the cushioned place he was lying on, he found himself outside of Taeslir’s room. He pushed his hand to his side, muscles aching, and swayed to a sitting position. His head jerked as his arm met a palm, carefully pushing against him.

Lou straightened as he was told to take it easy, and while he quietly mumbled some words about being fine, he took a hot mug into his hands. Perhaps a bit rushed, he swallowed its content, hoping to diminish the dryness in his throat. When he looked up again, he frowned.

Lax also raised an eyebrow. ‘What’s wrong?’

’I thought Yppha would be Deengar’s choice of…watchkeeper,’ Lou explained and held the mug to his stomach, trying to warm his body where the liquid hadn’t reached yet.

’He’s upstairs, scolding…all three of them, I believe,’ Lax said and denied his role as a watchkeeper. He hadn’t looked after him, only made sure he didn’t die, like Deengar had asked him to.

Lou smiled briefly and sipped at his tea, watching Lax leave his spot on the opposite sofa. He walked in between a row of bookshelves.

Whenever he was in here, the amount of shelves fascinated him; considering his possible age, Lax had probably read and not just collected all those hardcovers neatly placed inside bookshelves to his front. The lack of a bed had escaped him until now – he had scanned the room after he had thought back to what Radeel had said about the dispensability of one.

As he put down his emptied mug, Lax told him to leave, should his condition allow it, but didn’t avert his glance from the bookshelf. Lou could’ve obeyed. His slightly throbbing arms and the bruise on his neck wouldn’t have interfered with his steps. Still, he hesitated and raised his voice.

Lax turned around with a book in his hand, squinting a little. ’Radeel told me you’ve put on some hypocritical worry, but there’s no need to ask me. I do not value your concern, no matter if it’s honest or what I claim it to be.’

He glanced back to his book, and Lou lowered his head. After he’d crept off the couch, he stood in the room for a second, eyeing the bookshelves to Lax’ back. As he glanced at him again, he jumped back a step, the confidence he had found on his tongue drowned in his throat. Probably dying where everything was digested.

Still, he wanted to try a different way. He had spotted another small paper on the table between the two couches, and tried his luck. ‘You wrote something again?’

Lax huffed softly, but didn’t look away from the books. ‘Just read through it if you want to.’

Lou smiled briefly and tumbled back to the sofa, acting as a proof-reader. (Objectively speaking, he was nothing more than a reader. He’d have been robbed of his breath had his opinion counted even a bit.):

Coming for his mission the boy got his  instructions:

Storm’s the “I” mark on his map. If  he won, my, my

A  new  trial  will  – can appear which he’ll fight for.

Alive    and   happy,  he   definitely  could  not  wait:

Everyone’s glad, but sad?; surely tears will not leave.

(There was a Z written at the back of the page)

Lax was eyeing him as he read over the lines once more, his glance stabbing like daggers.

Lou quickly glanced away when he spotted his eyes on him. ‘It’s…it’s short.’

Lax puffed obnoxiously and turned back to his books. ‘Admit your disliking properly.’

’I don’t dislike it,’ Lou answered and put the paper back down. ‘It’s just different from the other part.’

Lax sighed, but admitted being busy and a deadline were a feared combination for a writer. He finally pushed the book in his hand in between two other ones.

’Who’s Storm?’ Lou wanted to know next. As Lax’ hum travelled toward him in confusion, he described the mentioned passage to him. Even after his description, Lax frowned and walked over, taking the sheet from him.

’An event, I think. I don’t know what’s going to happen there just yet,’ he answered and let go of the paper, sending it sailing to the table.

Lou crawled to his feet again, but added he was quite interested in the story. Maybe, Lax would let him see its process again.

Lax didn’t look at him already halfway out the door, but replied, ’I’ll think about it, but don’t get your hopes up for something you’ll never fully understand.’

Lou nodded to himself and closed the door behind his back.

He had asked his question in hope of finding someone similarly passionate about stories as him. But although Lax had let him read through his own writing, he seemed to devalue his opinion. Lou figured his immature delight for them was the reason Lax held so little of his thoughts.

On his way to the kitchen – his tummy was growling despite his burning throat – he pondered a little on that thought; Lax had studied, analysed, written, he believed, more books than he had merely touched in his little more than twenty years of living. An immortal would, by no chance, even play with the thought of acknowledging his opinion on a field of their expertise. His interest could be the strongest in the world and still fail to provide what he sought for in a like-minded person.

He filled up a glass with water when he reached the kitchen, fumbling with some easy and fast recipes in his head. He didn’t trust his legs for a long meal, and his throat was still sore and his dizziness beat more difficult ones out of his head as well. And his motivation still hadn’t returned quite yet. (Taking care of someone else was easier than doing it for himself.)

He settled for some fried eggs and readied the pan and ingredients, waiting for the fire under the stove to crackle. Once he placed everything in the pan, he glanced from the closed shutters above his head to the soon sizzling eggs at his front. His head turned completely when footsteps fell behind him.

Their sonorous voice reached him still before Liu appeared behind the corner. ’I don’t want to stay in bed any longer! I managed my way up there and down again. I’m as healthy as ever!’

Their face lit up as they spotted Lou, and with his name on their lips, they approached him.

Yppha jumped between them. ‘Liu, I told you to be careful if we run into Lou so that you don’t –‘

’I told you I’m fine! If I collapse again, I’ll not fight back. That was the deal up there.’

’That was your deal up there, I never agreed. You just wanted me to stop scolding you.’

Liu grinned and stepped past him. ’You’re just jealous because I slept well and the whole day with Taeslir, but not with you.’

They jumped onto some free space of the kitchen counter next to Lou. He eyed them before another sizzle drew his attention back to the pan.

Liu smiled down on him. ‘Thanks for helping Taeslir out.’

Lou couldn’t get his head to rise as he shoved the halfway done eggs to the upper side of the pan. ’But I used your technique incorrectly.’

‘I praised what you did to compensate for that,’ they answered and leaned forward a little.

Yppha quickly pushed away from the wall and crept closer, but Liu crossed their arms in front of their chest and straightened. ‘What’s your deal, honestly? I won’t jump to his throat just because he’s closer now.’

As Yppha tried to explain what he thought of their reckless behaviour, they flipped him off and said he was no fun.

As Liu’s gaze darkened, Lou piped up, fearing for where this was going, ’Could you hand me the plate from up there? Right over your head.’

At his request, they glanced to him, their expression sceptical, but lighter. Their eyes rose to the closed hanging cupboard, and they pulled out a bowl and handed it to Lou, who, unsure of what to do instead, thanked them quietly.

Just as he went to take it from them, Liu yanked their arm back and pulled him closer. ’I’ll teach you some important things. Should you fuck up again, I’m sure to find use of some organs.’

Lou’s eyes widened and he froze, not looking at Liu as they jumped down and left to their room. ‘Come check up on me, Yppha, if you can’t handle the burning worry in your chest!’

Yppha sighed and stepped to his side. He picked up the bowl, put it back, and replaced it with what Lou had originally wanted. As he leaned back against the counter, he thanked him.

Lou caught his glance flickering and tilted his head down to compensate for their tiny height difference. Yppha was squinting lightly, and his brows furrowed above tired eyes. As his fingers curled around his elbows, digging into the soft fabric of his cardigan, Lou’s eyes widened in alarm.

He was running low – on several needs.

’You’ll burn your eggs.’

Lou jumped a little and turned back to the pan. As he went to fish them out, a pleasant smell travelling up his nose, he raised his voice, ’Do you get cold?’

Yppha watched him pick up the plate with one hand, his other holding the fork. His hand shook a little at the weight of it. He had known why not to prepare anything time-consuming.

‘I do,’ Yppha replied and looked to the floor. ‘Not often, and I couldn’t freeze to death or anything, but I recognize an unwell feeling.’

He looked at Lou as he asked for the reason for his question. Lou pointed to his clothes.

’Oh,’ Yppha chuckled and rubbed his hand over his upper arm, ‘I just like the fabric, it’s not because I’m cold.’

He quickly curled his fingers around the baggy sleeves at his elbows. Silently, he smiled to himself for a while, but when he raised his head, a request glistened on pale lips. ’Could you come to my room later, I’d – ‘

He cut himself off as a voice called for him from around the corner. Both looked at Radeel storming into the room. He asked how Liu was doing.

’Radeel, you –…Liu’s back in their room. They wouldn’t listen to my advice, but they’re fine, I guess.’ Yppha stepped forward, leaving the low counter.

‘I’m glad, but get them out here again.’

’Of course, why? You’ve been rather – ‘

’I want a meeting. At sunrise. I’ll make sure Taeslir is able to attend.’

He hastened his words and turned on his heel, not waiting for Yppha’s approval. Just as Lou thought he’d sprint off again, his hands placing the empty plate in the sink, he turned around once more. His eyes darted to him. ’You come there too.’

Lou had hardly grasped his words before he already lost sight of Radeel. An empty spot welcomed him where he recalled him standing just a second ago.

Yppha scratched at his temple and brushed his hair behind his ear. ‘Something wrong.’

’He found something, didn’t he?’

Yppha nodded and turned to face him. ’Forget about what I wanted to ask you. It can wait until after whatever he has planned to announce.’

He was already on his feet, but Lou stopped him.

’Yppha?’ He glanced back at the call for him. ’How do I know when sunrise is?’

Yppha laughed heartily for a second, his lips staying in a smile after he’d quieted. ’I’ll come and get you; we can…sense, I’d call it, when sun’s about to set or rise. It’s a bit difficult to explain.’

Lou smiled approvingly and went back to the plate needing his attention. All he needed to do was wait. Something he’d grown used to.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Lou had come to realise the stupidity behind his request only after Yppha had returned some hours later. To get him; as they had agreed on.

His cheeks heated up when he had seen him enter the room and heard his command to sit down at the table. His request had been more than unnecessary since where he always spent his time at was right next to the place of event anyway. Yppha welcomed him with a smile nonchalant of that awkward request.

He denied Lou’s question whether Radeel had said anything else about the situation, and Lou lowered his head. The only time he saw him was when he entered to bring in another chair. Other than a sharp glance, silence had surrounded him like a transparent cloud.

The empty seats filled after some time. Radeel arrived last, but spared no time in starting.

’It’s to my content to see all of us back from or still on their way to recovery. The blow we received turned out more threatening than we had initially assumed. I’m glad Liu’s weird spells saved us.’

He smiled briefly, but the gesture dropped before it had rooted. He was standing behind his chair, his hands tightly gripping down on the back rest. His heavy breathing dragged through his face; he looked paler, drained, and his forehead was thrown into lines.

He inhaled before he continued, his voice faltering a little. ’The reason I called you out here…is that I decided to gain an overall view on what has happened why I went to Laxseau.’

His glance flickered at him for a second. ‘We went over the geographic locations of the town, our hide-out, and the time the attack occurred.’

He ran his tongue over his upper teeth under his closed lips.

’There’s not the slightest chance that the attackers found out about us through their own observation, reported it back to the village to get those humans on board, and then returned to attack us the same night.’

The table quieted.

Only Liu remained jerky on their chair, their recovery somehow gifting them more energy than usual. They leaned forward, placing their chin on their hands. ‘I have no idea what you just said, Radeel.’

Lax sighed and crossed his arm. ‘It’s impossible that those humans attacked us if we consider the time frame since our arrival and the remaining way to town.’

As Liu’s expression slipped farther into cluelessness, he rolled his eyes and tapped his finger on the table as if to demonstrate something.

The time they’d have needed to reach the town was about a minimum of two and a half days. Since humans could travel under daylight as well, they would approximately take a day, maybe a little more. However, the earliest troupes had arrived at their camp a couple of hours before sunrise.

Lax clasped his hands together and placed them in his lap as he leaned back. ‘It’s simply not possible that they attacked us by nightfall the same day, even if their horsepower exceeds all our records.’

Yppha’s mien stiffened. ‘And we’re certain that people from that town attacked us?’

‘Laxseau sent someone to investigate our hideout. They found banners among human soldiers that belonged to the town’s defence fraction,’ Radeel mumbled.

’That means,’ Taeslir quietly mumbled to himself, ’since they still attacked at said time…’

’They must have received intel still before anyone arrived.’

Lou finally grasped the situation they were facing, but still didn’t understand why Radeel was this tensed. The attack wasn’t harmless of course, but a simple mole shouldn’t count such importance to him.

He turned his head as Deengar put his thoughts into words, ‘So what about it? We’ll just find that bitch by looking through some documents and hand the information over to the boss. If you threaten people a little, they’ll spill it all by themselves.’

Radeel sighed and walked around his chair. ’The details were given to us alone. Laxseau, Yppha, and Taeslir personally handed the lists to some participants and the boss’ subordinates. Everyone else learned about the mission at the shortest possible notice.’

He quietly sat down. ’The list of possible informants is rather…short.’

Words failed them. Glances and thoughts too.

Radeel silently glanced through their faces, his lips not wanting to move another time.

Lax nodded once when their glances struck, saying they had a total of nine options, ’One of the boss’ three direct subordinates, and the remaining six – ‘

Deengar rose from his seat and yelled, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me! You’re suspecting one of us?!’

Lax sighed, and Deengar’s glance snapped at him. Taeslir tried to reach for him, but at the touch, Deengar teared away and slammed his hands on the table. ‘What about some careless leak? Someone saw it as an easy opportunity, and there – we have it. How has that thought not crossed your – ‘

’Yppha and I have taken highest care in delivering the first stack of papers, and Taeslir and I carried the others right into the hands of one of said subordinates.’

Deengar clenched his hands and looked down at Lax just one seat away from him. ’Then it must have been one of them.’

’The boss’ subordinates are the most loyal ones among the regime.’

’And that makes us the traitors?! What in the name of nothing I’ve ever prayed to has come over you two to throw such disloyal – ’

‘Deengar!’ Taeslir hissed and pulled on his arm. Individually emphasising every word, he told him to sit back down.

Deengar fell, more than sat, and placed his hand on his temple. He stared off to something behind Radeel’s shoulder, ignoring Taeslir’s glance on him.

’There’s no other explanation?’ Yppha asked.

Radeel denied him. ’We went over everything multiple times…evaluated…calculated.’

’But why would any of us do that if two of us almost died?’ Liu mumbled, eyes swaying to Taeslir once before connecting with the ones they demanded an answer from.

Radeel tumbled over the words in his head. When he grabbed a sensible string of thought, Deengar had already thrown his glance at him. ‘I don’t remember that we’ve ever resorted to distrusting our comrades.’

His eyes rested on Radeel. Asking, daring…hateful. His glare undoubtingly cut through stones as if they were paper.

Radeel’s mien chilled, but he caught himself with a tight grip around his trembling fingers. ’I’m not distrusting anyone. None of us is – ’ he looked through their faces once – ‘I know that. I solely presented what Laxseau and I have discovered so that – ‘

’And what do those discoveries tell you?’

Lou had averted his gaze the second Deengar had stood up from his seat earlier. He hadn’t returned to the conversation whatsoever since, but now his eyes flickered to Yppha sitting to his front.

He didn’t meet his eyes as he was staring at the table. But he’d have wanted them, Lou believed. His mind had walked down a foggy path ever since the tension around the table had started growing, a question glowing toward him at the end.

Why had Radeel even wanted him here?

’Fine, I’ll leave then,’ Deengar said after Radeel had remained quiet.

His eyes loosened their hold, and the tight cage around Radeel’s lungs disappeared, but his hollow breath of Deengar’s name lost all its effect.

’I don’t think he’s finished,’ Liu mentioned, and Deengar stopped. ‘I think he called us here for something else as well.’

They smiled at him, but Radeel’s mien chilled. ‘No, it can wait. We need to focus on a different matter for now.’

Deengar snapped at him, ’No, go on. If you wanted to bring it up, it concerns all of us, and as I see this, you shouldn’t hold anything back from us right now.’

As he dropped into the chair again, Radeel didn’t dare enduring his glance another time. His gaze ran from one face to another and picked up expressions ranging from Deengar’s anger to Lax’ confusion. Liu invited him with a reassuring smile when their eyes meet, but Radeel quickly hurried to Lou’s eyes.

He eyed him just for one second. A second that hardly felt like only one.

Warm and so soft, those eyes, unrecognizable. Lou felt his breath hitch.

But nothing more could have happened in that one second, and Radeel’s words fled him sooner than Lou’s thoughts flooded his mind. ’There’s a topic of concern, completely unrelated to what has just been said why I didn’t classify it as a suitable continuation.’

Hesitation dripped through his words. He inhaled deeply.

’I’ve been thinking about our handling with humans. We lose more of our own every day due to low numbers, and there’s hardly any value of one individual human being if they’re treated barbarously and…heartlessly to the point of their demise. If we improved our treatment, we could improve the situation for our kind. By taking it even further than that, we could perhaps – ‘

’Radeel?’ Lax piped in. His voice shook. He almost sounded like he was crying. ’What are you saying?’

’If…if…maybe, maybe there’s a way to live with them instead of living off them.’

He fell silent. The others did too. Tensed and awfully heavy, the air thickened.

Lou tightened his fingers around the blouse over his stomach. He didn’t dare touch upon any of his thoughts, and as he looked through the faces around the table, he figured everyone felt the same way. Each expression was more horrified than the last. Deengar hardly even blinked anymore.

Leaving. He could only think about leaving. To escape what he knew, what everyone, most of all Radeel knew, that statement would awaken.

His chances of that dropped to zero as Deengar raised his voice, quieter than before. ’What did you just say?’

He managed to create a distance to Radeel by his voice alone, and a chill ran down Lou’s spine, but Radeel didn’t falter.

He had heard him, he said, unwilling to repeat himself.

’I did, but I’m sure I, or rather you, didn’t grasp the content of what you said just now.’

’He said we should live with humans peacefully instead of killing them,’ Liu caught Deengar’s discontent as a need for an explanation. Their brows furrowed at the angered glance they received.

Lax used Deengar’s distraction to present his view on Radeel’s words, ‘Apart from your idea being utterly naïve, trying to rebel goes against everything the boss placed in us. What are you even saying? The worst outcome is your assassination if this forms into a rumour.’

’I know what the boss thinks of humans and how we should treat them. I had no doubt in it until – ‘

’There’s no such thing as doubting it, Radeel. The slightest form of disagreeing will have consequences.’

Radeel started shaking a little, his breath faltering.

Lou was eyeing him, and caught a brief flicker of red above him, but when he chased after it, Radeel was already looking straight ahead. When he lowered his glance again, he saw that his knuckles had whitened on the chair’s armrests.

He only expressed his discontent with the idea they had followed. If living up to the boss’ beliefs meant to act without questioning their actions and turning a blind eye on the ones they were hurting, he’d want something to change. Meant it a classification as rebels, would he accept that.

’There’s no point in this,’ Deengar complained and stood up. ’Talking about change and overthrowing the boss when there’s a more important issue right at hand. I won’t give any opinion on this as long as there’s no –‘

’I wouldn’t tell you if I didn’t trust you,’ Radeel interrupted him and captured the flame Deengar had held earlier; his eyes and tone burning. ‘What I said only affects me and my own safety. You’re mistaken should you doubt my trust in all of you.’

He lowered his head, the red in his eyes dulling before he continued, ‘However, I won’t judge any of your distrust and the consequent abstention to my idea. I had only wrapped my head around a thought that I’ve had for some time now.’

’What thought?,’ Yppha asked.

He lowered his glance when Radeel started speaking again, ’I asked myself if we couldn’t provide everyone with enough blood more effectively. As soon as they don’t have a rank, they’re considered soldiers or servants, and die. Mostly because of lacking nutrition. The same decline his noticeable in the humans we use to reduce the problem. Both occurrences can be traced back to our actions. So, we’d have to begin there to improve the situation; for both sides I had in mind. If we started seeing humans as more than just food, we might be able to find a peaceful way of obtaining what we need to survive.’

Deengar had frozen in place, but listened just as well as the others. Relief washed over Lou as the sticky cloud around him weakened. However, he jumped when Radeel answered his earlier question for his role in all of this.

He asked for his opinion.

’I-I…,’ his voice shook, and he clutched his fingers to his own knuckles, ’I don’t know…I don’t think they’d trust you that easily, even… even if it meant a reduction of attacks.’

The tight grip on his hand held his voice down to its normal tone. As Radeel’s eyes disappeared, he noticed the throb in his hand and quickly loosened his grip.

Taeslir sighed. ’Although I can’t see the value of one single opinion on such a wide affair, I agree with what Lou said. A change means tons of obstacles and resistance.’

’No goal has ever been achieved without facing, but overcoming, challenges,’ Radeel argued, but Taeslir pressed on his view; goals had a possibility of achieving them, but fantasies were destined to stay fictional beliefs. And naivety combined with inexperience brought more harm than improvement.

’We should leave it at that,’ Deengar muttered, gaze flickering to Radeel once more.

His chest rose tiredly before he said he had presented what he had wanted to tell them and asked them to think about it; he’d like to hear their opinion.

’Our priority is figuring out who was behind the attack, of course. We’ll work on it together and report it to the boss.’

He sighed. ‘You’re dismissed.’

They hurried away until only Radeel remained, sitting lonely to Lou’s side.

As he turned and locked their eyes, he tipped his head toward his room. Lou followed him in silence and closed the door behind their backs.

Radeel’s wasn’t facing him, and Lou didn’t know what to say. They remained like this, a seal on his lips although he felt the silence nagging at him.

When he couldn’t restrain his thoughts any longer, he walked to the carpet. Sinking down on it, he gained Radeel’s glance on him and smiled. ’Your mind is closer to earth that way. It’ll help you calm down.’

A snort shot toward him, but Radeel lowered himself to the other end of the carpet. He was shaking his head as he leaned his back against the bed.

After some time, he raised his voice. ’I should’ve told you beforehand.’

Lou agreed quietly, and Radeel hummed. ‘Do you really think what you said out there?’

’I don’t know if it’s manageable,’ he restated his opinion and halted for a hesitant look for a reaction.

Radeel reminded him, he’d want his honesty in this matter and wouldn’t get mad should it not chime with his view on the topic. So, Lou continued.

‘Like Taeslir said, you’ll face more reluctance than excitement. We…humans have a certain picture of you in our heads. I didn’t think any differently until –‘ his voice ceased as he frowned. He looked away as the pondering in his eyes strengthened – ‘until…I don’t know.’

He cleared his throat as he turned back to Radeel. ‘You can’t just change that picture this easily. And I doubt that your kind wants to participate.’

He pulled his legs toward himself and grabbed his ankles. ‘And I didn’t know how risky it was to even express such an idea.’

Radeel smiled sadly. ’I was being too optimistic, then.’

He pulled his knee to his chest and placed his arm on it, staring at the door as he continued, ’but I never intended to ignore any of those points. Had we elaborated on them at a different occasion than the one I created today, they might’ve reacted differently – although I fear it didn’t strike anyone’s liking really.’

’I never denied liking it,’ Lou said, but his confidence was swept away when Radeel looked back at him.

To keep him from deepening his response, he asked why he had asked for his opinion.

‘You’re human.’

’That doesn’t make me able to speak for the entirety of humanity, like Taeslir – ’

’I just valued it then.’

Lou’s lips twitched briefly, but he averted his eyes.

A knock interrupted his thoughts, and Radeel turned his head at Yppha’s voice sounding dully through the wooden blockade. Radeel told him he could enter as he stood up, the door opening soundlessly.

Yppha’s glance fell to Lou, expressionless and hollow, before he leaned against the wall and glanced at Radeel.

’The small troupe in the West,’ he said, arms crossing over each other. ’We needed to deliver the instructions to them earlier than the other ones because of their distance, remember? Lax and I did that, like he said, and since Lou was sick when we returned he and Taeslir brought the other papers to the boss’ subordinate.’

’You’re saying they had the chance to report the attack as well?’ Radeel guessed, but denied him when he nodded. They had checked everyone; they didn’t have the time for that.

’While we were staying there, I picked up some rumours about them dealing with demons. They could’ve delivered it. I don’t know how much truth they hold, but it’s another trace.’

Radeel agreed hesitantly.

Yppha smiled for a second before Radeel raised his voice again, ’Just because we came to that conclusion doesn’t mean I lost my trust in you. There are still three – ’

’I know, and I’m not doubting anyone either. They believed you out there, but you know how Deengar is…I’d have expected even worse, to be honest.’

Radeel chuckled in agreement, and Yppha pushed himself off the wall, he’d still check on his assumption with Taeslir’s records.

’Lou, do you really think what you said out there?’ Yppha asked, head lowered to look at him. His nod made his glance disappear, and Lou asked him what he thought of it.

’I like the thought. As small as the chances are. There’d be less suffering. I didn’t mistake your determination for absolute, did I?’ Yppha turned back to Radeel, who assured him he’d thought over it and made a decision.

Yppha sighed. ’Why didn’t you talk to me first? We could’ve…handled it better.’

’I wanted to put my head to it on my own – and I’ve mentioned it to Laxseau once, but not to this extent. His rational and unexcited response had made me doubt myself. I wanted to make sure I’m completely certain.’

They’d have troubles convincing the others, Yppha said, but Radeel shook his head; he had told them to think about it. Were they not absolutely content with the idea as well, they’d not pull through with it.

’I won’t pull you into something just because I’m stubborn and insisting on it. If I’m being honest, some arguments made me rethink some of my own. Maybe some things are just put in stone and destined to be impossible.’

’Radeel.’ Yppha stepped forward and touched his arm. ’There are a lot of impossible things in the world; changing it isn’t one of them.’

They wore the same expression; content, trusting.

Lou noticed his heart racing at the sight and pulled on some loose threads of the carpet. Earlier, he had categorized Radeel’s words as an accusation. Even after he had denied that he distrusted them, he had seen his words as an excuse. But he had been mistaken.

Not the slightest form of doubt lay in Radeel’s words. The connection they possessed, although Lou hadn’t quite grasped how they had managed to obtain it, was a bond no blade in the shape of a challenge could tear. If their suspicion wasn’t proved, they would never resort to distrusting each other. And as much as he liked it, wanted to somehow grasp that feeling and enjoy it as well, carelessness has never rewarded its possessor.

Yppha left. A noiseless motion that Lou didn’t notice. He only realised when Radeel was sitting on the carpet again. He appeared neither immensely thrilled at the new approach nor would he have called him lost in thought.

After some time, he remembered a small gesture he had fumbled with after spotting Radeel’s unease outside. Missing in speech and explanation, he held out his arm, gaining Radeel’s eyes on him.

He rejected his offer with a kind flip of his hand.

’But it’s possible for your kind to calm down by drinking, right?’

’I am calm. I’m sitting on the floor after all.’

Lou laughed, and Radeel smiled. But he pushed closer again. ’I’m insisting on it.’

His hand tightened to a fist, and he met Radeel’s glance. Gentle, but with enough of a sting to test Lou’s determination. With a sigh Radeel admitted defeat, leaning his head on the mattress.

’Good lord, I’ve let the leash loose too much,’ he expressed in the same tone. ’Fine, come up here. I’m not eating off the floor like some animal.’

’Didn’t you do that the first time you drank from me?’ Lou whispered and stood up in the same move. They sat down on the edge of his bed.

’There was a mattress. That makes it a bed.’

’That’s the type of logic Liu would use.’

Radeel’s glance returned – in a way that caused his words to get stuck at the bottom of his throat. He mumbled a quiet apology and held out his arm once more. Radeel looked at it, but his hand grabbed Lou’s shoulder, and he neared another spot to pierce.

Lou flinched lightly as the touch made him freeze, but didn’t act against it. Radeel hesitated at the reaction and his eyes flickered to Lou’s. Before he could’ve noticed the streak of red, Radeel acted with indescribable speed.

His hand pulled on Lou’s arm. His teeth connected with his skin. He pierced his lower arm.

As red connected to his eyes, Lou felt the same colour touching his cheeks and hastened away. The tenderness in Radeel’s hold and glance was too much.

However, Radeel disapprovingly rushed after him and pulled on his jawline. (He almost chuckled at the easiness of it.)

When their eyes connected, he let his hand slide down his neck.

Captivated, Lou didn’t dare to turn away again.

A thumb pressed into his palm with all the carefulness it possessed, and Radeel wrapped his other hand around his elbow. Lou’s breath hitched as he realised Radeel allowed him to see what he had silently asked for all this time.

No red was visible in his face; his eyes were closed. Not the slightest of flutters sailed over them. The focus they usually possessed went into his touch. It was sweet and soundly, his lips slowly plunging into Lou without spreading an ache. Even as his fangs sank deeper, he hardly sensed them.

Radeel gulped slowly, savouring the taste more than the need, and Lou bit down on his lip.

When the sensation left, Radeel’s hand slipped off his arm, but the grip on his hand tightened.

Lou secretively smiled to himself as he watched Radeel falling to the mattress.

He hesitated for a second. He didn’t want them to remain silent, but…would he have called it uncomfortable? – For the first time, he pondered on that question.

‘Can I help with your plan somehow?’ He decided to speak up after all.

Radeel looked up at him, silently asking him to elaborate.

Lou shifted, sitting down on his legs. ‘I mean, I’m not much of a long speech person, but maybe they’ll tell someone affected by their decision something more easily.’

Radeel smiled. ‘I’d appreciate that.’

Lou’s lips formed the same upturned line, and he jumped off the bed; he’d still want to cook something.

’I’ll need you to talk to Deengar.’

He turned around. Radeel had sat up. He was requesting it; he cleared the unsure look flying around his face. ’He won’t kill you, but I can’t guarantee for anything else. I’ll set something up if you agree…just don’t provoke him.’

Lou’s lips raised warmly, and his stance straightened. He brought his open hand to his temple once and swung it off into the air, chuckling as he jumped out the door right after.

He still heard Radeel laughing quietly from within his room.

Chapter Text

Lou had agreed to Radeel’s request, but hadn’t really thought about what exactly he’d ‘come up with’. He hadn’t seen anyone beside Radeel and Yppha. They kept their distance, and he’d have waited in vain for anyone. The hall was mostly empty.

However, today Radeel had told him to do exactly that. So, he waited for Deengar, who Radeel had somehow convinced to take Lou outside for a walk around the estate.

What he thought of that wasn’t much a surprise to him.

He called him a dog when he arrived, storming up and down next to the table. ’What am I? A fucking watchkeeper?! Good lord, stop eyeing me like you’re only waiting for me for fuck’s sake!’

Radeel had told him their chances of talking to Deengar would increase if he put his mind to other things. The idea seemed to burst into thin air the longer Deengar rushed up and down.

Lou raised his voice after some time, his eyes on the hands in his lap. ‘We don’t need to go. I can ask someone else if the thought displeases you.’

’No, I agreed to this,’ Deengar snapped at him. ‘I just didn’t realise how fucking stupid that task was until now.’

He stopped at the corner of the table, his hand clenching around empty air. As he turned his head, he squinted at Lou. He always did when he tried to wrap his head around something, and Lou gulped. He froze when he smirked at him. ’If I need to do this, I’ll do it right. Wait here.’

He rushed upstairs, and Lou felt his heartbeat quickening. If his idea involved a return to his room, he’d much rather just escape to Radeel’s place and sandblast the entire thing.

Once he returned, he held a leash in his hand. Lou eyed it for some time, silent, but figured his promise to Radeel would hold stronger than his pride. It could be much more humiliating, entirely inappropriate for taking a walk, he told himself as Deengar wrapped it around him.

His lips twitched with the faintest idea of a smile once he had finished it up. Like that of a child who dressed up their favourite doll. Pride sparkling in his eyes.

Lou could’ve thrown up and returned to Radeel right there and then.

He jumped as he pulled on the leash, leading them outside, and quickly figured he’d need to hold up with his steps and swallow the uneasiness in his limbs. He really didn’t want him to pull on his throat another time.

He led the way through various narrow corridors, each turning shorter the longer and lower they went. As he felt his head starting to spin, trying to remember which turn they took when and where, he looked around instead. (He really couldn’t get his eyes to stay on the leash’s end in Deengar’s hand.)

The proportions of the building had tampered with his understanding of space, he realised. The place they lived in was so abnormally, unnecessarily huge that, sometimes, the unnecessary size made him forget about how he had lived until now.

After they had finally reached the tunnels’ end, a door appeared in front of their noses.

Lou froze as Deengar opened it, a feeling of awe suddenly gnawing at his senses. He had seen the back of their estate from Yppha’s window, had smelled the freshness of the night, and felt the blow of the wind.

But to actually stand in the middle of it all, and sense it on his skin again, felt too forbidden.

Deengar hissed his name and pulled on the rope, forcing him into a step. His glance flickered.

They stepped outside, and Deengar threw the door shut with the back of his foot. He walked off without another word.

He was leading him up a small hill when Lou decided to speak up. ’He really asked you to take me outside?’

’Take him for a walk. Or just outside, but look after him. What fucking type of task even is that?’

Deengar huffed as he sped up his gait. He had suggested to just chain him up. They could’ve got him back inside after some time and that would’ve done the job. Radeel had denied him.

‘Maybe he wanted me to have some company?’

Deengar responded with a whizzed grant, ‘Sure, dream on. We’ll go up the hill and come back down. On our way, you can sniff on some flowers or some other shitty plant.’

He laughed briefly at his own words, but the voice died inside his throat.

’Are you mad at me?’

Deengar looked back at him. ‘No.’

’Can I ask for your company, then?...Verbal one.’

’If this is about that whole future prospect shit, you can gladly shove it up – ‘

’No, about anything you’d like.’

Deengar halted and forced Lou to do the same. As he didn’t raise his voice right away, Lou glanced to the rope in his hand. He had slung it around his palm needlessly often. While his eyes were still resting on the wrap, Deengar replied he’d not want to talk about anything.

’I’ll talk then.’

’No, you won’t.’

’Then I’ll ask you something. About weapons.’

He had other interests than weapons, he said. Annoyed at Lou’s attempt of investing his energy. He fell silent again, but Lou didn’t give in that easily.

‘I don’t know about anything else you like…’

He restrained a sigh when Deengar remained silent.

‘You could tell me about your favourite one or something.’

’Daggers.’

Lou flinched lightly at his rasp voice, but smiled as Deengar elaborated on his own.

They were small and easy to hide. He could attack unexpectedly. However, if the fight was longer and more straining, he preferred longswords and claymores. He didn’t like that fancy throwing stuff with daggers though. They were meant to be in his hands, not out of them. And his throwing skills were rustier than a neglected sword, he mumbled under his breath. Quietly.

Lou smiled. ‘Do you dislike any?’

’I hate rapiers. Radeel adores them – and sabres. He thinks they fit nobility, but honestly, for me rapiers are nothing but sticks designed to look pleasing. They don’t offer what a blade should…that stick isn’t even a sword. Sabres are…slightly better.’

’Did you say Radeel was nobility?’ Lou’s eyes widened.

‘He wishes he was,’ Deengar replied and searched the area for something. ‘I don’t understand him, but he’s always been fascinated by their fighting moves and gracefulness.’

They neared the top of the hill, and Deengar spotted something behind a couple of trees. Heading straight for it, Lou followed, his head low.

He didn’t respond when he thought to hear Deengar deepening their conversation with a question of his own. For him to do such a thing, the chances were as low as the sun rising at this hour of the night. He claimed it his imagination.

However, Deengar glanced down on him after some time, his eyes squinting.

Lou immediately hurried his voice into his throat. ‘I’ve never held any weapons in my hands, no.’

They sat down on some flat stone with a shape that showed artificial manufacturing as if, although it had been here for some time, someone had tinkered with it.

’Kitchen knives are probably the most weapon-like thing I’ve ever touched.’

Deengar had sat down on the other side of the bench. He was staring ahead, and didn’t raise his voice another time. Something about his appearance put him off, and Lou decided to keep quiet. His eyes sparkled with something that he didn’t want to arouse negatively. The arms he’d placed on his thighs all the less so.

Instead, he glanced elsewhere and realised he had never thought about how wild nature was out here. Of course, his and other villages were surrounded by trees and plants of the green, but out here, those vegetations lost all meaning.

He liked it, he figured. It had captured him in stories and drawings ages ago, but the true beauty lay here, beyond paper, beyond imagination.

He turned his head as Deengar piped up. His voice deeper than usual. Somehow calmer, ’The only reason why I’m here is because Radeel wants an opinion on his idea, right?’

’I think he believes you hate the idea the most,’ Lou said, but Deengar disagreed.

‘Lax does. Radeel knows that. He just somehow convinced himself that he’d persuade him.’

Lou nodded quietly, his eyes sparkling at the implication in Deengar’s words.  

’That doesn’t mean I like it,’ he said as if he sensed his glance on him.

’Why don’t you?’ Lou asked, grabbing his hands to keep his head arisen.

Deengar turned to look at him, something dark lingering around his expression. ‘I thought you heard what I said back at the meeting. I won’t tell Radeel what I’m thinking.’

’I also heard how Radeel said he trusted you.’

’That doesn’t change what I said.’

’Then, tell me instead,’ Lou refused to drop the topic. Deengar was the one who had started, and Lou believed it must’ve happened because of at least partial willingness to cooperate.

’Just so you can report it back to the dog’s master? Wouldn’t have much reason now, would it?’ Deengar’s lips twitched with a faint smile, but Lou insisted; he’d not tell him if he didn’t want him to.

‘As if there’s any value behind such an offer.’

’I just want to understand why you’re all against it,’ Lou said. The topic concerned him and his kinds’ future. He couldn’t just stand by and leave the outcome to itself.

He eyed his fingers and turned quieter, ‘At least tell me why you loathe us this much.’

Deengar rolled his eyes, but huffed, ’Fine.’

He leaned back against his hand and eyed the cloudy sky for a second. Lou remained still.

His hand tightened around the leash, and his glance struck him.

Then, he pulled. Yanking Lou closer, his nose almost crashed into his collarbone.

Lou tried to push away, his hands next to Deengar’s thigh. He’d have cherished even the least bit of distance when Deengar started talking.

‘What would I use to ease my boredom if I had to live with things like you? Don’t think you’re less of a bug just because you’ve got some history now. I count you and every other filthy member of your pack to nothing more than objects with the only purpose to shut up and make yourself suitable.’

Lou choked on a sob.

‘Maybe I should cut out your tongue and make you remember your place.’

He clawed at the stone. The picture of Deengar taking care of him crumbled in front of his blurry eyes. He tried to keep their saltiness to himself.

He forgot the little good he had seen in him. And as desperately as he wanted to believe that Deengar was hiding something and projecting some past experiences on him, he just couldn’t maintain good sense.

He trembled into a cry, his voice only a whisper, ’You’re disgusting.’

He didn’t even realise what he had breathed. It sailed out into the night so peacefully, even with all the tears and fear clinging to the sound.

Deengar pushed him away, and he choked on the pain on his shoulder. Trashing at Deengar’s fingers around his throat.

’Who do you think you fucking are?‘

He stretched his arm a little and forced Lou to follow his lead. One hand clawed at his fingers, doing all to get him to yield, while the other pressed against the stone under his knee. Neither was allowed any grip.

Desperately, he choked out Deengar’s name.

‘Don’t think about begging now, you’re –‘

‘I thought you –‘ Lou cried and pressed his fingers into Deengar’s hand –  ‘changed…when – with Taeslir.’

‘This is where your rebellion comes from? You think you’re better than us because you helped someone who wouldn’t have deserved any less? (Lou shook his head and tried to flee. He stopped as he pressed against Deengar’s claws.) You’re nothing. And I’ll make sure to let you remember –‘

‘Do you know that my favourite colour is yellow?’

He managed to push his fingers in between Deengar thumb and index finger. And there, he pulled with all his might. ‘Or that I’m afraid of horses and never learned how to swim?’

Deengar’s grip didn’t weaken.

Lou prayed to the hidden stars above them as his breath faltered. ‘I’m a person, Deengar.’

His vision turned blurry, and he thanked about everything and everyone when Deengar let go of him. Sinking to the stone, his fingers shook as he palmed the cool surface.

Deengar was eyeing him, he could feel it, but he didn’t have the courage to raise his head. So, he only whispered, ‘Under all your insults, and labels, and torture, I’m a person.’

Deengar didn’t react.

’A living being with thoughts, feelings…pains. You know that. Why don’t you act on it?’

His throat felt thick from crying and panting, he couldn’t strain it anymore. Even if his head scolded him for leaving Deengar at the end of a question.

He whimpered as Deengar leaned over him, pushing them both down to the bench. He placed his hands next to Lou’s head. ’You think I care about your feelings? Your aches and pains? I don’t give a shit; all I care about is this here. You fear me, and that rewards me with power. All that power I gain, just from you knowing what I could do right now. Slice you open without the slightest chance of you stopping me. Your own screams would deafen you.’ 

His hands shook next to Lou’s head. ’I couldn’t care less about what anyone thinks of me.’

’You know that’s not true,’ Lou spat, but trembled as his voice sounded less like he had wanted it to. It sounded more like what Deengar wanted it to sound like. ’You’re deceiving yourself, and you know that! You’re just too much of a – ’

’Lou, I’m not warning you another time.’

’And you care damn well about others’ opinions! Especially from the ones you care about!’

His scream echoed in the forest to their side. ’If you didn’t care, you’d just tell Radeel what your problem with his plan was! Or maybe…maybe, you aren’t against it at all, but just can’t tell why. And instead of finding an answer, you blame me and hurt someone else!’

Deengar’s jaw had unclenched. His fangs were peeking through his parted lips.

He had taken it too far, Lou thought and closed his eyes. He should’ve heeded Radeel’s words.

He flinched and his eyes shot open when a noise slithered toward them from their side. It creaked from inside the forest, and both of them turned to look at it.

Neither of them saw anything.

When they returned, they eyed each other for a second.

Deengar pulled away first, a sigh on his lips. He walked off and threw the leash to a piece of grass behind the stone. As he walked up to the small slope, leading down to a lake, he rubbed over his face, once, twice, and halted at the edge.

Lou sat up and reached for the fallen string. When he glanced at it, he noticed the foggy cloud his breath formed in front of his face. He hadn’t realised earlier, but the temperature had drastically sunk, and he felt his fingers go numb around the fabric. His lungs were aching and despite the odds of achieving something pleasanter than coldness from the vampire, he looked at him.

He’d started this. Leaving it unsolved was irresponsible.

He stood up with a shake in his legs and walked over. Just behind him, he halted and whispered his name. ‘Can we go back…please?’

Deengar glanced back at him, his eyes lifeless and tired. As he turned around, he tapped against his own chin once, and Lou quickly obeyed.

He flinched as he pulled the leash off his throat, his fingers brushing over the scratches he had inflicted. Just as it slipped off, the same noise as earlier attracted their attention.

Lou jumped, but Deengar swiftly stepped forward and wrapped his arm over his chest. He pushed him behind himself a little. He felt his body going cold, a freeze making his teeth chatter the longer Deengar scanned through the area. When he turned around, he happily accepted to follow his lead.

He remained silent the whole way back, but as they walked inside, he felt something nagging at his thoughts. His morals – more than he assumed Deengar had – were the death of his common sense. He still needed an answer from Deengar, after all.

His breath hitched for a second, but he forced his question through his throat. ’What do you want me to tell Radeel?’

Deengar didn’t react, only kept on walking. After some time, he threw his glance over his shoulder. ‘Does he really still trust everyone?’

’He told Yppha he believed in all of you, but in my opinion, he’s…a bit insecure.’

’He’s starting a rebellion with his idea. You understand that, right?’

Lou nodded.

Deengar sighed. ’Tell him I decided to follow him, not the boss. He can do with that information whatever he wants, but I still need to form an opinion on all that happened.’

Lou urged to tell him another thing and clenched his fingers around Deengar’s blouse.

’I shouldn’t have called you that,’ he whispered and halted.

At first he didn’t dare to look up – he’d not find his courageous self from earlier should his gaze meet those eyes. As neither of them moved, he couldn’t do anything different though.

Deengar had his eyes fixed on him, and quietly repeated himself; he’d need to go over what had happened. Lou nodded in response, and his fingers sank.

As they returned, Deengar left to an expected place upstairs, and Lou stood in the room for a minute. He felt like cleaning up. Washing away all that had happened and distracting himself from the path he had built. Deengar would surely still seek him out. Give him a taste of his consequences.

He shuddered as he walked to the bathroom and figured Radeel wouldn’t be much help. He doubted he’d exert enough pressure on Deengar to stop him from punishing him. So, he decided on visiting someone else.

After he had dressed, he approached the room right next to the bathroom. If it was support or just comfort he sought, he didn’t really know himself, but it didn’t matter. He felt better the instant Yppha opened the door with a warm smile.

’Can I talk to you?’

Yppha’s expression lit up, and he stepped to the side.

Lou immediately spotted the open window, but the cold he had felt outside surprisingly didn’t reach the room. Instead, the air was soft. The wind more of a fresh breeze. As Lou’s glance swayed, he spotted some papers on Yppha’s cluttered desk.

‘I need to order them,’ Yppha said as he noticed his discovery. He pushed past him with a hand on his shoulder. ‘I’ll listen though, don’t worry.’

Lou wanted to question their purpose, but as he recognised Taeslir’s handwriting on the larger sheets, he found the answer himself. He sat down Yppha’s bed before he spoke up. ‘Theoretically speaking…if I pissed Deengar off, would you protect me?’

A hearty laugh reached his ears, and he smiled.

He knew Yppha would help him regardless of how he phrased his words, but the way his laugh sounded in his ears made his eyes spark. He wanted his own comfort, yes, but Yppha appeared as if he needed something to smile about rather than acting as a listener.

He hadn’t drunk from him for the past few days, and Lou hadn’t spotted his figure anywhere outside besides informing Radeel about one and the other thing. His appearance carried the consequences of his refusal; the glimpse he had caught of his face reminded him of what he had seen Taeslir going through. Of course, he appeared less drastically on death’s bed, but exhaustion had still managed to draw its lines on him. And although he had told Lou he liked what he had worn that day of their meeting, seeing his normally slim figure curled up in another similar-looking vest made Lou’s mind ring in alarm.

’What did you do?’ Yppha asked in amusement and shoved a pack of papers into a drawer of his desk.

’I told him the truth and…insulted him…maybe. Because he said some mean stuff.’

‘Deengar doesn’t like hearing the truth,’ Yppha laughed and turned around. He spotted Lou scratching at his throat and expressed his worry.

Lou assured him he was fine. He had taken care of the cuts. Only some bruises would paint his skin around the sore spots for some days. He sat up straighter as he explained what Radeel had asked him to do, and how Deengar had reacted, but kept his word and remained silent about the specifics.

’I’m sure he won’t come for you if he refrained from it now,’ Yppha concluded from the little information. ’Let him think about whatever you said.’

Lou nodded in response, only realising the other couldn’t see him as he had turned his back to him after Yppha had turned around again. He smiled softly when Lou repeated the gesture.

‘Can I ask you something?’ he asked still before Yppha had turned around. Smilingly, he stood up at Yppha’s nod and placed his hands on his shoulders. ’Can we try something?’

Yppha held onto the smile on his lips even as Lou pulled him to the bed. He only mumbled his confusion, but as Lou looked down on him, he interrupted him with a sterner tone. ’Lou, seriously, what are you doing?’

Lou didn’t answer and sat down in his lap. Yppha leaned back to widen the space between them.

’You need distraction,’ Lou finally said and placed his hands on Yppha’s shoulder.

’Probably…but that’s not your job. Get off – ‘

Lou refused. He had noticed how little Yppha had taken care of himself since the incident with the attack. If he continued his workaholic behaviour, it would be the death of him. Lou was willing to prevent that and help with replacing whatever troubled his head.

Expressing such made Yppha shake his head. ‘You don’t need to force yourself to do something you don’t want just to help me.’

’But I want to! I’m trying to tell you. I want to help because – ‘

’Lou,’ Yppha softly called for him and got him to stop. ‘I agree with what you said, okay? We can do something else to distract me though, how about that?’

’So, it doesn’t matter what I want?’

’Lou, I’m just saying – ‘

’Never in my life has it mattered if I wanted to do it or not. I’m only asking you to accept what I want! I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t want to –…perhaps, I’m just looking for my own comfort.’

He laughed sadly. ’Maybe I just want to be of help, what do I know?’

’Lou, listen.’ Yppha leaned closer again. ‘I won’t keep you from doing anything, and I don’t have anything against sleeping with you. It’ll get me on other thoughts for sure.’

He chuckled, but the sound died as his mien dropped. He looked sad suddenly. ’I just don’t want you to regret something. How you said that just now…it reminded me of someone who’d have regretted a decision.’

He gently placed his hand on Lou’s waist and tried to smile again. ‘You’ve got other helpful qualities. Not just your body.’

Lou’s eyes widened. His lips trembled a little before he averted himself, pink heat rushing to his face. He immediately moved out of Yppha’s lap. ’I’m – I’m sorry! I – ‘

He didn’t hear how Yppha assured him that he hadn’t done anything wrong. He was busy trying to blink at his tears. As his head felt like exploding, he pulled on the easiest thought he could grasp. ’Do you like books?’

’Some…not that many. I’m more interested in educational books.’

’Would you like to…talk about them?’ Lou’s voice was low.

He smiled as Yppha approved.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Lou discovered that Yppha liked crafting. His knowledge ranged from sewing to simple blacksmithing. As they had lied down after some time, Lou was looking at the ceiling as he rambled about some stories he had read back in his village. Mystical and spooky, one or the other had robbed him of his sleep as he either stayed awake all night to finish it or couldn’t sleep because of fear and paranoia.

Lou had allowed Yppha to drink as well. Sticking to the facts, it had been Yppha who had allowed it, and Lou who had pushed the matter on him. And Lou had closed the window at some point when dawn announced itself with rising beams of sunlight peeking through the curtains.

As they were lying there, Yppha’s eyes barely stayed open anymore. He’d lulled them quite low with his stories, but Yppha had smiled and commented on each of them. Until, well…maybe he hadn’t commented anymore on the last two.

His lips were tired as he called for Lou. As he hummed in response, he slung his arm over Lou’s stomach. ’You came to me because you like me the most…right?’

Lou felt his eyes widen and tried not to flinch under his touch. ‘No…no, I…I didn’t pick any favourites.’

’Oh…I said that, didn’t I? – That rule.’

’Yppha, I just – ‘

’Can I be…your favourite?’

Sleep was buried within the whisper.

’I don’t want them to be your first choice.’

Soft breaths replaced any words Yppha could’ve still carried on his tongue.

Lou, being too afraid to wake the other again now that he was finally sleeping, stayed still – in volume and motion. Yppha could’ve hardly been conscious as he had spoken, but that didn’t change the content of the words.

He pondered over his words for a second; he had decided to visit Yppha because the happenings with Deengar had begun to hunt him – guilt and his own stupidity being the predators. It hadn’t been his clear preference for the vampire. Or had it now? – Lou knew he possessed that liking to Yppha, he knew very well, but he had strictly tried to not let anyone know.

What if that had been the wrong thing to do?

He shook his head; his assumptions harmed him more than they eased his mind. He’d rather ignore the issue as of now and turn his attention to his stomach which announced itself quietly. He remembered he hadn’t eaten anything since nightfall, and slowly, so slowly, even snail would’ve envied him, snuck out of bed.

Luckily, he still had some leftovers of his previous dish.

The halls outside Yppha’s room were deprived of any noises – it was in the middle of the day after all. A detested hour for the ones he was living with. Still, he’d find Radeel awake. With that knowledge, he set off to his room after he had finished his plate.

The door opened after his knuckles had asked for entrance. As he stepped inside, Radeel placed his hand on his shoulder. He eyed the unnatural colours on Lou’s neck.

Lou quickly told him the same thing he had told Yppha; that he was fine.

Radeel arched his brows, but let go of him. ‘What happened?’

’It doesn’t matter. Deengar said something, I said something…’ He told him what Deengar had allowed him to say.

Radeel nodded, but he didn’t really look like he cared about his words right now as his fingers reached for his neck. He carefully placed them on the scratches. ’Do you want to take care of them?’

Lou shook his head, but Radeel stepped toward a cupboard and told him to sit down on the bed.

’I talked to Yppha earlier as well,’ Lou said while Radeel rummaged through a drawer. He hummed in response. ’I got him to sleep.’

’Good. I tried the same yesterday, but given that you visited him, you must’ve noticed how much my advice has helped,’ Radeel mumbled and pulled out a little glass bottle and a white cloth. He sat down next to him.

Lou quickly raised his voice when he pressed the cloth against his skin, keeping himself from flinching. ’You know, I’ve been thinking about your attack. It would’ve targeted and taken out many humans; and the one who…the person who…’

Radeel laughed and closed the bottle. ’It’s fine, you can say it. It’s a traitor, there isn’t much behind it.’

’The one who betrayed you. They must’ve disliked that idea, so they – ‘ he hissed as the cloth touched his neck –’ so, wouldn’t that mean they did that because they’re inconsistent with your boss’ beliefs as well? I mean, maybe they’d share your idea.’

Radeel halted for a second, his eyes falling to the cloth in his fingers. He reached for fresh bandages after his gaze had focused again (and after he had refused Lou who had expressed his discontent with bandages around his throat.).

‘I understand what you’re saying, but as I see it, you’re suggesting a possible team-up with said person.’ He stopped and looked at Lou. As he nodded, he continued.

They couldn’t do that. That person had almost killed Liu and Taeslir. He and someone he needn’t say the name of would be more than displeased with that idea.

He sighed as he fixed up the bandages. (He had made it less thick as a compromise.) ’Nevertheless, if your assumption is correct, we could possibly use that person as a tool.’

He stood up and packed away the materials.

Lou crossed his arms and watched Radeel sitting back down. When the mattress dipped in with his weight, he squeezed his own upper arms.

As Radeel raised his head, he called Lou’s name.

Lou did the same.

They smiled briefly, and Lou told him to start.

’I just wanted to thank you…for the thing with Deengar.’

Lou laughed. ’If it helped and made him less mean, this is nothing but a scratch.’

He posed his own concern right away, but Radeel raised an eyebrow. ’You want me to tell you something about myself?’

Lou nodded, and Radeel’s face was thrown into a puzzling look before he repeated it again. He concluded, Lou wanted to know how they had all got together and verbalised such.

Lou shook his hands over another in front of his chest. ’No, no, you can tell me whatever you want…I just want to get to know you better.’

He didn’t respond, and Lou tried again; he should tell him something he was proud of.

At that, Radeel’s eyes lit up, but his voice was hesitant. ’I uhm, well…I got a method, you could say. It will make you like me –…want me in a way.’

Lou frowned, but told him to continue.

’It’s…I can show you what I mean, but I’ll stop right after I’ve managed, so don’t worry…’

Lou reassuringly nodded.

Radeel copied the gesture. Hesitation swirled around his muscles, but he moved closer and placed his hands on Lou’s neck and chest. Without responding to the tension he felt under his touch, he told Lou to close his eyes and moved closer.

He talked about how glad he was Lou had come here, to him, and if he wouldn’t want to stay a bit longer. That phrase fell from his lips over and over. Each time, he phrased it a little bit differently and pressed his fingertips stronger against Lou’s skin. Somehow, his voice quieted the longer he continued although he could feel his lips right under his ear.

It faded completely as he sensed a pulsating, dull throb in his ears. He thought he imagined it, but as Radeel leaned closer, he realised where it was coming from. Wave after wave from deep within his chest.

Radeel continued about what they could do instead of just sitting here, and his lips traced over the skin on his neck, right under his jaw where no bandages covered him. With every further word, he gently scratched at Lou’s skin.

‘Pleasure.’

Lou could feel his heartbeat quickening.

‘Lust.’

He felt safe. Even as another push of Radeel’s hand appeared with the dangerous intention of piercing his heart, he knew those tips possessed no claws.

‘Love.’

‘Say,’ Radeel barely breathed, ‘do you like me? Do you like me like this?’

Lou’s breath hitched. It felt hot against his lips, but the warmth left him as he repeated Radeel’s question.

He chuckled softly, ’I…don’t know.’

He opened his eyes as his heartbeat returned to his chest and cocked his head. As he met Radeel’s eyes, he dropped his smile.

His voice sounded inhuman, cold, and dead, ’It…didn’t work.’

’Yeah, apparently it – ’

’Why didn’t it work?!’ Radeel yelled and grabbed Lou’s upper arm. ’It should work! Why didn’t it?! We’ve…we’ve got to try again! I need to manage. If I don’t, I’m just –…I’ll…nothing –… simply usele- ’

’Radeel! Hey, Radeel!’ Lou yelled as a Radeel’s fingers burned on his skin.

His eyes widened, and he pulled back. As he watched Lou cupping his arm with his hand, he apologised incessantly.

’It’s fine, it isn’t bleeding. I’m okay,’ Lou reassured him, but pulled away when his hand tremblingly reached after him. ‘I’m fine.’

He locked eyes with him, and Radeel nodded, his lips ridden of a sound, the air thick where his glance fell.

Lou turned away. He couldn’t look at Radeel’s eyes; a dusty film drowned their usually bright shade. He looked horrifying. ‘What happened?’

’I don’t know. It just didn’t work. I wanted to show you, can…can we try again? Maybe, I should –‘

’Perhaps, it didn’t work because I already like you.’

Their eyes meet.

Radeel’s breath hitched. ’What?’

Lou squeezed his arms and looked away. ’Well, I don’t hate you…I think at least, and your question if I liked you threw me off. That’s why I said I didn’t know.’

Radeel’s eyes shined through the dusky film.

Lou laughed weakly. ‘Maybe I’m losing my mind…’

He looked back at Radeel. ’I already did. What am I saying? I know I shouldn’t like you, and I don’t like you in a way where the term ‘liking’ fits, but maybe I can take a liking to you…in the future.’

’Lou – ‘

’I can’t forget…what you did or how it made me feel –’ he choked on his words and curled his fingers around his muscles, pressing his sadness into them as he usually did. Just that arms were usually a pillow. Sadness usually memories – ’but I liked what you said out there…at the meeting. I really liked it. Your plan. It would mean less people get hurt, less killed, and he would still be alive if there was peace between us.’

’You must’ve loved him…deeply,’ Radeel guessed, whispered, tried to make Lou notice his interest – guilt, maybe that was what he was feeling.  

’I just envied him. He was everything I wasn’t and couldn’t be.’

’Brave? Reckless? Strong? – Just because he was an adventurer? Lou, I can assure you, you definitely posse- ‘

Lou shook his head and smiled.

’Happy.’

Radeel fell silent.

He could’ve stared at him forever, that figure with averted, teary glance and fingers holding himself, and still, he’d have found no answer.

It didn’t matter as Lou raised his voice again, asking to sleep in his bed.

‘I don’t want to wake Yppha,’ he added and put a smile to his words. A tired, lifeless smile, ‘and excuse me, please. I don’t feel like talking anymore.’

’Do you want me to stay?’

Lou shrugged.

He would go and talk to Laxseau then, he said and stood up from the bed to let Lou slip under the covers.

After he had opened the door, Lou called out to him. ’I wouldn’t mind if we retried your method later. Maybe I did something wrong, and it seemed important to you.’

’Yeah…let’s see,’ Radeel replied.

As he closed the door, he locked the little comfort he found in those words inside the room.

Chapter Text

Footsteps were falling around their flat some days after the colours on Lou’s neck had started to fade. Most of them were hastened and coexisted with the building’s usual sounds as unknown figures entered the main hall. Lou had often spotted other people in the past, but today their appearance occurred more frequently. Their gazes ran over him, glistening in colourful streaks, and as they turned more numerous, he felt some shivers slithering down his spine.

To escape them, he fled to a more remote place. It wasn’t much quieter in the room he was sitting in, but as another of Liu’s sighs pulled his eyes away from the book in his hands, he smiled warmly.

Liu was running around their drawers and shelves, pieces of scribbled notes entering their hands. They frequently whined and crossed their arms, slouching their shoulders into a soft pout.

Lou turned back to the book’s lines as Liu jumped to their feet, fingers fumbling over their desk in the corner. Silently, he glanced at the door as he had thought to hear another set of footsteps outside.

Most of them were produced by Radeel, who ran to his room, whenever a new figure entered the hall, and returned with papers, some vials or information. He had decided against staying by his side as he had hustled to the front door. He thought it inappropriate to occupy a busy room.

Liu had given him the book he was holding right now. Their explanation had been short, their own busy self returning to their search after they had reminded him of what they had wanted to teach him.

As Lou’s eyes left the door, Liu jumped to another book on the floor. They opened it, and their fingers flew over the pages. They were flattering under their gaze in a pace that wouldn’t have allowed them to capture any words. Still, they put it down again and made a haste back to their desk.

Lou hadn’t inquired the reason for their doing, neither so the one behind Radeel’s, but after they had sat down on the chair next to the desk, fingers trembling around its wooden edges, Lou raised his voice.

Their head snapped at him. ’Something isn’t right…something’s out of place.’

’Would you be mad if I said that doesn’t surprise me?’ Lou smiled, but grabbed the back of his book when Liu’s eyes met his.

’No, no,’ they replied and shook their head. Their glance fell to the floor. ’I know where everything is. Stop assuming this is chaotic when it’s not.’

Lou’s eyes met theirs as they crossed their arms over their chest. ’I know how this should be, and apart from the bandages Deengar took, something different just seems…off.’

Lou straightened and suggested that Radeel or Lax could’ve entered while they had been recovering; they could’ve searched for something helpful in here.

’But they know I don’t want anyone to touch my stuff.’

’Maybe they wanted to help, like I said?’

Liu shook their head once more. They wouldn’t do such a thing, they claimed and stood up. If they found out who had touched their belongings, they’d let them experience what fear felt like – even if it had been Radeel or Lax.

’Is it that much of a trouble? I mean, nothing’s missing right?’ Lou asked when Liu bent down to pull a booklet out of some bottom drawer.

’It is,’ they said when they sat down beside him, ‘because it’s my stuff.’

They leaned against the wall where their head usually rested. Wasn’t the bed in such a mess.

They quieted, and Lou’s glance fell as they pulled out a pencil from somewhere under their pillow. They started drawing something, the scratches of their pencil the only sound in the room.

The book in Lou’s hands was filled with strange rituals and spells. It dealt with the basics, Liu had said and had pointed at the title. Just as that promised, it truly only consisted of knowledge. Complex and demanding as such sentences are, Lou soon found himself tired out. However, he didn’t even think about putting it aside, let alone telling Liu about his disinterest. As he raised his eyes in clandestine peeking, their threatening whisper from a few days ago struck him, and the thought faded into thin air.

He forced himself through the pages until Liu shifted. They moved out of bed, intention sparkling in their glance, and Lou spotted their booklet on the pillow. He couldn’t deny his interest and found his fingers slowly crept toward the tied papers.

Just as he spotted the shaded drawing of an abdomen, Liu returned and snatched the piece from under his glance. Expectantly, his eyes jolted toward them, their own sternly glaring at him.

’Sorry, I was curious.’

He quickly averted himself and opened the book again. While Liu sat back down, he asked if they couldn’t explain some topics to him instead of letting him laboriously soak them up himself.

‘It’s easier like that,’ he tried and hoped Liu didn’t grasp his boredom.

They leaned against the wall. ‘I’m busy.’

‘Can you tell me what you’re doing?’

’No, because you can’t tell anyone. They can’t know about this,’ Liu refused and placed the book down in their lap. Closed and its information sealed away.

Lou remained defiant and wanted to know if there wasn’t a silent, unissued vow of honesty between them that didn’t leave any space for secrets.

’But it’s not a secret,’ Liu protested. ’It’s…clandestine project work.’

Lou’s eyes widened. He blinked as he noticed the frown above his eyes. But he really, really wanted to get his eyes off the book and tried again, promising Liu he wouldn’t tell anyone.

They sighed and flipped open the book, turning it so Lou could glance at it. They whispered warningly, ‘Hell knows what happens if I catch you lying.’

Lou tried, but quickly gave up on deciphering the tiny and illegible scribbling. Liu explained what they had drawn and written anyway.

’I’ve been experimenting on strengthening my physical combat skills,’ Liu said, and the book found its place back in their lap. They had shown it to Treces that one time he was here in the past, they said. (and asked if Lou remembered what they had said in the archive, but doubted it themselves the next instant. If only they had let him reply, Lou might have found control over the pictures, burned into his memory, likely for the rest of his life. Like this, he lost his coherent string of thought for a second.)

Treces had been displeased – like they had told him that day. The spell had too many unwanted side effects and too little certainty in assuring someone’s safety.

’He hasn’t sent me any materials since then, but I decided that I’d try to improve it myself. And I don’t want the others to know, get that?’

Lou nodded, but wanted to know if anyone could help them, should something happen to them.

’Oh, nah,’ they said, ’but I’m taking precautions, don’t worry. It’ll just hurt a bit if I cancel it on time.’

‘I don’t like how that sounds.’

Liu quickly flipped him off with a change of topic; he should give them some blood. That would also make them stronger, and it would act as rent. For staying in their room.

They shifted and pierced his skin. It wasn’t upright harsh, neither was it one of their friendliest days and manners; it just so sufficed to differ from uncomfortableness.

When they pulled away, Lou glanced at them. ’Can I ask you something?’

He was interested in their opinion; the only opinion that mattered to him these days.

’Oh, I like Radeel’s idea. I’d be able to perform, or rather let something be performed, under the sun if we befriended you.’

They flopped back down, and Lou chuckled. ‘You really only think about science all day.’

’It’s vampiric magic. Science is what you do,’ Liu corrected him – twice, ‘and I’d also like if we’d be less mean. Maybe I should be nicer to people sometimes...’

Lou smiled, but Liu quickly piped up again. ‘I won’t agree though if Taeslir doesn’t agree.’  

’You’re close, aren’t you?’

’We’ve known each other even before we turned into what we are now,’ Liu explained and looked down to the book. ’Yes, I swore loyalty to Radeel, but I won’t leave Taeslir. Both know that.’

Lou nodded, and they both fell silent. He didn’t mind Liu not coming after his earlier request of explaining the basics to him. He hardly ever expected anything from them as they rarely ever granted their help to anyone. Or just a sensible thought…if he was completely honest. Sometimes he wondered if he even grasped what they were thinking. He wouldn’t have spoken of surprise had they just stabbed him the next moment – just because he didn’t see a reason to do so, hardly meant Liu would refrain from the action.

They parted after some time as Lou stepped outside into the main hall. He saw his unfinished book at the table, but it seemed rather dislikeable after what he had forced himself through. As he wasn’t hungry either, he sat down on a chair and run his thoughts over what else he could do.

Earlier this morning, he had fumbled with the idea of asking to get outside once more. The walk with Deengar had been anything but pleasant, but even if he had to redo it to be allowed outside, he’d agree. His freedom slowly changed the way he was thinking; the walls didn’t feel as thick and restrictive as they had done in the past. Only the ceiling still daringly laughed at him from above his head.

He decided to ask for Radeel’s permission and stood up, but halted when he heard footsteps from upstairs.

Taeslir rushed through the room, and Lou called for him.

As his head turned, he realised he hadn’t had a question for him and choked on his lack of words.

Taeslir smiled quickly, the brief twitch more one of politeness than genuineness. ’I need to get something. We can talk when I get back.’

He disappeared without waiting for Lou’s reply.

As the door closed, Lou turned around. His head hung low as he pondered over why he had uselessly called out to Taeslir, and he didn’t notice the voices from inside Radeel’s room until he was already standing right next to the door.

He halted and listened.

’Radeel, I still haven’t come to understand how we’ve got time for this.’

’I’m only asking for your attention. Just let me explain what – ‘

‘You already explained it to me,’ Lax interrupted him, ‘before we left for the attack, remember? I already said what I was thinking about this back then.’

’I made up my mind though. What I described to you and my current idea are completely different.’

Lax huffed. He had heard enough at the meeting. His opinion hadn’t changed.

They fell silent, and Lou almost decided to walk off. Away, before either of them could’ve notice the faint breaths through the crack. He stopped at Radeel asking why he hated the thought this much.

He couldn’t have pulled away at the sound of his voice, so weak, so saddened, so little.

’It’s not a question of why I hate it or if I do at all,’ Lax replied and Lou heard some movement. His step, likely toward Radeel. ’This troupe fought for this –…you, Radeel, achieved all this and now you want to throw it all away? Just for the sake of humanity?’

’If we get a chance at talking with the boss, perhaps we’ll manage to persuade – ‘

‘Radeel, why would the boss possibly listen to what you call ‘improvement’? The whole vampire regime has worked like this for centuries now – perfectly, it has worked perfectly like that. What could a change in favour of humanity offer to concern the one whose merit all of this is?’

’I don’t even know what side you’re on anymore,’ Radeel breathed – quietly, the grip of his voice slipping away.

Lax captured everything that he lost. ’So, we’ve got sides now? Is that to where your idea has climbed up?’

His voice was so calm that Lou shivered. It made him feel worse than if someone yelled at him.

Radeel denied all those questions, and Lou jumped as he heard Lax shifting once more.

’Laxseau?’ he called out to him, plead, longed for him to turn back to him. ‘I can’t pull this through without you.’

Lax sighed. ‘You need to accept criticism. Going up against the boss is inacceptable after all you were granted…actually, it’s inacceptable under any circumstances.’

His voice softened, but it missed out on sounding compassionate. ‘Take an advice when it’s offered to you, Radeel.’

Radeel whispered, ‘I’m not ungrateful or anything. Why would I be ungrateful for doubting something?’

’You’ve never questioned the boss’s beliefs. When I introduced you to them, you even – ‘

’I know that I’ve never questioned them. It’s just that…what has he done to deserve –…I can’t blame all of humanity.’

Lou had to stop himself from stepping closer. It felt too forbidden, but he wanted to glance at Radeel. Find the reason for his low tone and weak breath.

‘It just…it’s not fair,’ Radeel whispered, and Lou caught himself leaning closer, the thumps in his chest speeding up.

‘Life isn’t fair, Radeel.’

Lou’s breath almost hitched with Radeel’s as he heard Lax’ declaration of taking his leave.

He saw his hand on the knob and thought he’d pass out right on the spot. He knew what he needed to do as much as he knew what he lacked. As he turned around, wanting to hide the fact that he had been staring, it somehow still sufficed.

Taeslir pressed against him, his lips on his neck, and picked him up. He pressed him against the wall opposite of Radeel’s room.

As Lax stepped out of the room, he glanced at them and turned up his nose, but quickly disappeared down the hallway.

Lou yelped as Taeslir opened the door to the other room, dark inside except for some candles on the wall. As he looked up, a bright green flame burned down on him. ’Don’t sneak up on people.’

His voice was hollow and cold, and he pulled away. Lou’s fingers immediately rushed to his chest, crawling into his shirt, and his eyes widened at the erected beat underneath the thin layer.

’Laxseau likely noticed that too,’ Taeslir said as he noticed Lou’s discovery. ’Now that I’ve done that, he’ll conclude that something else caused it.’

Lou quietly thanked him and let his hands sink. Silently, he glanced up, his eyes shimmering with fear.

’I won’t tell on you,’ Taeslir answered and stepped to the door.

’And I won’t eavesdrop again.’

’You’d better not.’

He peeked out of the door in a way that would’ve raised more suspicion, had they been caught, than a simple walk outside with the lie, he’d forgotten something. However, Lou didn’t question it. Taeslir had his own little flaws. (He’d have laughed, wasn’t his heart still pounding against his chest.)

They went back to where they had originally met, and Taeslir handed Lou a couple of boxes before he picked up the rest. He doubted that he’d have needed to help him. Taeslir would have managed perfectly fine without his hands to it, but he didn’t interfere and trotted after him.

Once they were upstairs, Lou felt the urge to touch his neck. There, on the spot where Taeslir had touched him. His grip around the handle tightened, but by the time they stepped over the threshold the feeling had grown to an annoying itch.

Perhaps a little too fast for the Taeslir, who didn’t know of the sensation, his hands shot up when the boxes left them. Taeslir glanced at the gesture, but didn’t comment on Lou’s hectic scratch, and turned to his boxes again.  

He started unpacking them. ‘What did you want earlier?’

Lou suddenly didn’t find his voice in his throat anymore.

Taeslir glanced back at him, a low flame in his eyes. ’You’re afraid? I just saved you down there, but you’re even more hesitant than with Deengar?’

Lou’s eyes widened, and he caught the string that bound the uncoordinated letters into words. ’Deengar talked to you? About that walk?’

’He did…talk.’ Taeslir laughed briefly. A tired noise. 

‘Was he mad?’

Taeslir fell silent and eyed him. His lips pulled into a pained smile, and Lou nodded understandingly. He lowered his head as Taeslir turned away again. ‘He’ll still talk to you anyway.’

‘About what?’

’You’ll find out,’ he said and added a tint of reassuring after Lou’s breath had hitched. With a smile on his lips, he changed the topic, asking for the reason he had wanted to talk with him another time.

Lou murmured his response to the intertwined fingers at his stomach, ’I talked to Liu earlier.’

’And they told you, they wouldn’t agree to this whole plan if I didn’t do so too?’

 Lou nodded when Taeslir’s eyes rested on him for an answer. He smiled again and turned away.

Lou stepped closer. ’Could you tell me what – ‘

’I told Radeel,’ Taeslir cut him off, but turned around, and raised an eyebrow. ’What about you? Right after you two had talked, you seemed more than excited about everything.’

’I’m excited about what improvements it’d bring, not the likeliness of any of it happening. I’m on the same terms as you there.’

Lou watched him drop some papers to the table.

‘Right…it’s your own improvement after all,’ Taeslir mumbled and placed two of the boxes on the floor. ‘The question is if you want to be part of it and play a role, or disappear as soon as something like peace has settled.’

Lou’s lips parted to inquire depth on Taeslir’s words, but he commented on something else instead.

Taeslir placed another box on the floor and didn’t look at him as he answered, ’Radeel asked me to do the paperwork. I’m not forced to do it, if that’s what you meant.’

Deengar and Liu were far from being the type to do them, he continued. Lax oversaw communication matters, and Yppha had his mind busy with all sorts of things at any given moment why he hadn’t been an option. However, he didn’t doubt that he’d have agreed to it nevertheless.

Lou finally observed his presence as a nuisance and turned around, heading for the door. ’I’ll let you be then.’

Taeslir hummed briefly, but looked up when Lou called for him. ’Could you just tell me if you’re against Radeel’s idea?’

He smiled at him. ’I’m not.’

Chapter Text

Screams.

They shot to his ears, penetrating every fibre of his body. Chills down his spine, shivers down his arms. Thoughts thinning at the gory scene.

As his eyes opened, he couldn’t see. Only a blurred face and the outlines of some candles swam before his eyes, his breaths in too much of a rush to tell him he recognised them. He jumped at a freezing touch on his arm, the blanket quickly around his body.

’Don’t touch me!’

Radeel’s eyes widened, and he retreated his hand. ’Fine, yeah, okay…I just woke you. I think you had a – ‘

’Yeah, I know. Just – ’ he sank into the pillows when he noticed Radeel was shifting away – ‘let me be, please.’

They fell silent as he pulled the blanket closer to his chest. He didn’t want to sling his arms around himself, but they acted all on their own, dissatisfied with how little of the blanket they could grasp. At least it warmed him.

Radeel hastened out of the bed, the mattress gently dipping in. ’I’ll get you a glass of water.’

’No, I can manage myself. I’ll get it my- ‘

’I’m insisting on it.’

Some more candles lit as he told Lou to stay seated. When he blinked, he was already missing from the threshold. With a sigh, he fell back against the headrest of the bed.

Images were still haunting him, his mind filled to the brim with Radeel’s disappearance. Like vicious waves of the ocean, the screams he had heard flooded his thoughts. They washed up a headache to the shore of a pained mind, and the one stranded within didn’t like the cold of the water.

He shivered again and pulled the blanket over his shoulders. Even as Radeel returned, he just so forced his hand out from under the sheets. He was trembling as he held the glass, the blanket loosening around his body again. In fear of spilling the water, he didn’t even raise it to his lips. Dampness surrounded his muscles since sweat had crept out from the pits of his fear, the cool air suddenly not that unwelcomed anymore.

Even if Radeel only meant well, Lou couldn’t bring himself to take more than a couple of gulps. Too heavy his arms against the weight of the glass and although his throat appreciated the cooling liquid, his breath its occupation, he didn’t raise it again.

As he glanced at Radeel, he saw him glancing at the glass, his figure at the edge of the bed. Respecting his wish.

He gulped at nothing and looked away as his glance shifted. ’I don’t want to talk about it.’

Radeel leaned against the headrest, throwing his glance to the door. ’I wouldn’t have forced you to, but…I’m not quite fond of my knowledge here if I’m being honest. Should I get Yppha or – ‘

’I’ll manage on my own!’

Radeel’s glance jumped back at Lou’s cry, but he only nodded quietly.

Lou quickly tightened his grip around the glass, water shaking so despicably obviously. He was almost glad Radeel voiced another question.

’Do they feel vivid? ...Dreams, I mean.’

Lou forced himself to nod his head. His mind filling with what he had wanted to rid himself off.

He gritted his teeth and bent to the side, the glass sliding from his hand to the floor.

Just then, Radeel pushed too much compassion into his tone than he’d have liked. ‘Are you alright?’

He snapped back at him. ’How am I supposed to be?!’

As he caught Radeel’s worried expression, his own muscles twitched.

It must’ve looked like regret. Like shame as he crushed his freezing fingers. He didn’t want to feel bad for having screamed at him.

Yet, his voice reacted for him. Words in a whisper. ’I don’t know what to do anymore…I just want to go home but I can’t.’

’Lou –  ‘

’My dream. I don’t even want to tell you, but…’

He stopped himself as his breath hitched. Stuck somewhere inside his throat, he had to swallow before he could raise his voice again.

There were two houses. He was waiting on the roof of one and observing whatever one would want to call the sick action taking place on the other one. Some men, hardly more than five, had been pulling on another man’s limbs. He had seemed younger, less experienced in life. The other men’s pulls intensified and at some point everything teared. They disassembled him. What was left of him, they dragged over to the chimney of the house, a long blood trail following behind them.

’…and they laughed. It appeared so funny to them. But what was the worst was the feeling of wanting to do that as well. Why the hell would I want to do that? – I don’t want that, that was awful…’

He fell silent as his breaths won over his words. His cheeks felt wet, and Radeel had undoubtedly noticed his tears by the sound of his words. He let him continue all the same.

’Then, I was in a basement. It was yours because you were there, but I don’t think your basement even looks like that. It was gross, and cold, and…dead, and you – ‘

His breaths finally conquered his voice, and he almost whimpered at Radeel’s stare softening even more. He forced his voice into his throat another time. ’Can I ask you something?’

Radeel silently nodded.

‘What you said back when I tried to run away, with the – the consequence should I…– would you still? If I ran away?’

Radeel’s eyes dimmed as his glance fell to the tremble of Lou’s hands. As he reached for it, Lou jerked away, his fingers curling around the blanket. He quickly curled his own back to his palm, his glance lowering.

’I wouldn’t of course, but… I mean – ’ he chuckled softly – ’Deengar might want some …– no, sorry.’

Lou had caught a sound in his throat, and Radeel needed to restrain himself from reaching for him a second time. He gulped at the feeling inside his throat and repeated words, adding another apology for his inappropriate remark.

‘If you ran away,’ he tried again and sat back against the headrest, ‘I’d get you back and ask what made you do it. But…you could very much just leave right now as well.’

Lou’s eyes widened, but he only reluctantly looked back at Radeel. ’What?’

’I said you could leave. You’d just need to ask me.’

’Where?’ he laughed sadly. ‘To some village?’

As Radeel’s expression didn’t change the slightest bit, remaining convinced of his offer, he sighed and shook his head. His eyes wandered to his lap again. ’Just to rot in some alleyway?’

’Lou, all I’m saying is nothing’s holding you back here any longer.’

It was an even weaker laugh now. ’Is that what Taeslir meant? About me getting to decide on my role in all this change? – Nothing’s holding me back? You haven’t been mean to me lately, don’t make me think you are now.’

A lazy glance revealed Radeel frowning at him, and he sighed as he straightened. ’Where could I possibly go with just the slightest chance of survival? I told you, you didn’t know the villages around here.’

His words finally seemed to convince him, but he had enough. He didn’t want to be here, he said, and didn’t want to talk with Radeel either.

He sighed.

’…on the other hand, who else do I have?’

He lied back down and rolled to the side, facing away – everything but Radeel was fine.

’Lou, I could assure your – ‘

’No, just let me sleep. I don’t want to.’

His pull on the blankets underlined his distaste of any further interaction, but Radeel didn’t seem to have lost all his resolve just yet; he spoke up again, ’You don’t trust me?’

’Not one bit.’

’Lou…I’ll let you sleep if you deny me…’ Radeel paused for a second. Merely a second. It was enough to interpret Lou’s silence as no objection. ’When you asked me to share something about myself a while ago, I couldn’t tell you anything. The feeling you have was mutual, but – ‘

’Don’t tell me if it upsets you this much.’

’No, I want to show you that I’m willing of change,’ Radeel spoke lowly, but it sufficed with the room’s emptiness. ‘You deserve to know.’

He received no replying word and exhaled softly. ’Lou, let me tell you something about myself.’

Chapter Text

Vampire families could hardly be called huge if Radeel needed to describe them. In the past, families had gathered more so than in present days. Often only for one reason.

Power.

With the establishment of the regime, the concept of power had changed, and it didn’t take long before large families were frowned upon due to someone’s possible loyalty to their bloodline rather than the regime. Since many skilled members of the regime followed the rules, few people mingled with ones who were part of such clans. The only exception to such disfavour were large families which had been driven apart because of disputes or a longing for independence. As they posed no direct danger, they were disregarded. Sometimes, those scattered members even wanted to join the regime’s ranks.

In case of Radeel, his family stood for power, but hardly any numbers. Including himself, they were three children. He reckoned, his father had mentioned some relatives once, but he had never met any of them.

Although his father offered a view on multiple more offspring, he valued quality over quantity; he wanted to focus on the training of his three existent children. Starting early for all three of them, Radeel first wielded a sword at the age of five. He had already watched his older brother’s training session for a couple of years, and he’d enjoyed play-sparring with his younger sister.

(Radeel halted for a second, his glance averting, ‘I think I should mention something important here…’

The significant difference between a vampire’s and human’s growth was how fast they aged. Vampires aged approximately two times faster than humans. To compensate for these fewer years of childhood, vampires tended to learn quicker and easier than humans.

‘To my father, those cognitive developments hadn’t mattered much though. He only appreciated our physical growth.’

He smiled weakly and looked down to his hands. ‘My brother was already far ahead physique-wise, but when I reached the age at which he had started fighting, I couldn’t live up to him.’)

Swords slid from his hands and hit the floor far more often than they hit his target. Bows and arrows usually missed to an extent, his father said, some coincidental watchers would have doubted the existence of a target.

Once though, he beat his sister.

Their fight had ended with her beneath him on the grass, his triumph quick to bring him to his feet and his hands into the air. Yet when his father noticed his supposed victory, he only praised his sister. Her stance had been better throughout the entire fight. Meanwhile, Radeel should’ve been able to take her out at least three times in the time span of their sparring.

His failure sparkled through his father’s words although he never directly used that word.

(Neither so did Radeel, but it soaked through his hitching breath. His father’s displease had been clear – so much clearer than the small droplets that had silently fallen to his pillow when morning had dawned.)

At the age of nine, maybe ten, his father brought him downstairs. To the lowest storey of the house.

’You'll stay down here from now on,’ he said when Radeel questioned him. ’You're holding your siblings back. Your lack of skills won’t benefit them.’

Radeel tried to protest and told him he had better results in terms of knowledge, but his father shut him up. Within the same breath, he denied the need for anything like that. They were a family of fighters, of warriors, and were appreciated among the community for exactly that. Men of wisdom with their elevated speech were out of place – he wouldn't tolerate it.

(Radeel sniffed to Lou’s side. No tears accompanied the sound. ‘My father never gave me the chance to explain that my combat improvements had come from books. I found most of them in my mother’s library, often in the middle of the day when I was supposed to be asleep.’

He quieted as he wiped the back of his hand over his cheek. As he seemed to notice Lou’s frown to his side, he dared to glance at him. His lips played with the faintest of smiles. ‘I’ll explain what that means later.’

Lou’s encouraging smile made him sigh. His earlier agitated state had almost completely vanished, and Radeel felt his fingers shaking at the kindness in Lou’s behaviour.

He visibly shook the thought out of his head before raising his voice again, ‘If you ask me…had my father found out I was trying to improve my fighting skills by reading, he’d have probably been angrier than he already was.’)

A few days later, a human visited him. His father’s explanation was scarce, but told him to treat his visitor gently; he wasn’t their enemy.

Radeel welcomed him rather awkwardly, unknown of any proper greetings or conduct. After a few minutes though, his etiquette was entirely forgotten; a corpse was lying on the floor instead. Blood was running down his hands.

He was staring at what he had done, his hands shaking and his mind telling him to not smear the blood on anything. Only when the door opened, his glance shifted, and he rushed forward. His head bumped against his father’s stomach, and his arms uncertainly slung around him.

His eyes wettened the front of his shirt, blood the back of it.

He forced apologies through his sobs, trying to explain he hadn’t wanted to kill him. He was his father’s guest after all.

He cried and pressed against the front of his father’s shirt, ‘He hadn’t stopped doing something I didn’t like… – I’m sorry, father, I didn’t – ‘

His father shut him up. Wordlessly.

The sound of a slap echoing off the walls. He pushed him away, watching him tremblingly lift his fingers to his face, his cheek burning up under his could touch. A reddened soreness painted his skin.

He raised his head at his father. As he looked down on him, his face coldly distorted in disappointment. ’Humans cry. Tiny, stupid humans... you'll stop that immediately.’

Radeel flinched as he raised his hand again, but he only pushed him off to the side. ‘How can you fail our family’s requirements a second time?’

Radeel tried to explain where his dislike had come from. The man hadn’t stopped pushing him around, and he had tried to take blood from him.

(Radeel sighed. ‘Only later I found out that my father had practised some kind of business. Exchanging blood for blood. A vampire child’s blood is said to slow aging processes. Even vampires sometimes like it…just for the taste of it, I guess.’)

His father cut him off by grabbing him by his collar. ’You'll find other ways to serve us. Do you understand? I won't let you ruin our reputation –‘ he looked around the bloodstained floor – ‘but apparently you failed at exactly that once again.’

He let go of him as he said he shouldn’t kill his next visitor. Otherwise, he’d be punished.

(‘You’ll come to like it…was what he said,’ Radeel retold his words, and a colourless laugh touched his lips.)

Radeel shook his head and lowered his glance, covering the forbidden liquid infesting his eyes. He flinched as his father stepped closer.

’Your mother.... she's worried about you, Radeel. She doesn't know if something good will come out of you. This here…it would be your achievement, and it would grant us more power since our bonds with humans would strengthen. She'd be proud of you, unbelievably proud. Wouldn't you want that?’

(Radeel’s breath hitched.)

’Yes, of course.’

His father spun on his heel the second he expressed his answer, and added, he should get the body out of the room himself. Somewhere into the other room at the end of the corridor.

’I'm scared though, father.’

His father’s glance shifted as he turned around, not in places, but emotion. Disgust leapt through the earlier disappointment, and Radeel hastened for the corpse without another word.

He used the next three years of his bodily growth for improvement. However, as only one and a half years had actually passed, he hadn’t found the time to improve both of his tasks.

The one his father had given him had priority, and he hadn’t disappointed him, had allowed them to take more than just his blood after some months. He still felt guilty as he couldn’t bring himself to like what they did, as his father had wanted him to. But he didn’t seem to mind. To supress his disgust and tears so that no one died anymore was enough for his father.

(Radeel fell silent for a second after he had exposed the innocent ideas the mind of a child had come up with. His eyes were far from Lou’s.)

One day, he thought his father had noticed his efforts. The small present in his hands, a book, must’ve happened out of being pleased with what he had done for him. He handed it to him sometime during those one and a half years, saying he needed Radeel’s help.

(Radeel chuckled lowly, but the noise was swallowed by the tears sticking to his lips. ‘I don’t need to tell you what the book was about…we tried it a few days ago, but I failed, remember?’

He didn’t wait for Lou’s answer as he told him the reason his father had given it to him. ‘Many of my father’s ‘customers’ hadn’t been interested in a deal with him, and neither so in me. But as he needed their agreement for his business, he’d needed different techniques to make them stay and regularly come back.’

His voice turned to a whisper as he scratched at his calf, ‘Normally, they reacted differently than you…’)

Yet, he failed. Many times. And his father's business lost customers.

’You need to manage,’ he said after another had run away without agreeing to a deal. ‘I even gave you a book to learn…the tender thought must've been in vain.’

His glare darted at Radeel, ‘but you’ll make them like you. Should you not, you’re simply pathetic. Completely useless.’

He improved his technique after those words. He didn’t reach perfection, but he reduced his failure to very little numbers and his father seemed satisfied.

In the evening, humans regularly arrived. Most were men, but some reminded him of his mother. Sometimes they woke him from his sleep; the sound of the door simply forced his eyes to flutter open.

During the day, he was training, and the absence of his siblings’ achievements and his father’s comments led to improvement. Down here, he mostly read books about fighting why he soon lost touch with fictional stories and worldly manuscripts. He only still found time to focus on combat techniques, blade properties, and fighting styles.

As a compensation for his father’s prohibition of owning a sword down here, he crafted a wooden one, a tiny stick, which he hid it under his divan during the day. Sometimes he was training until early into nightfall, completely neglecting his sleep. However, that didn’t keep his face from lighting up when the door opened one day to bear the face of a long-forgotten ally.

Under the observance of the moon, his brother led him outside, and they walked for a while. When he had still been allowed to see his family, they’d often strolled out during the night, finding spots to train the next day. Those secret walks hadn’t eased the impact of his father’s insults, but he had still appreciated them.

In those lost times, Radeel had been the one leading the conversation. That night, it was his brother.

He showered him with news and task he had fulfilled. Proudly, he swayed on his heel with his hands behind his back, and looked at Radeel as he said his father had made so much progress.

(Radeel caught a sob in his throat as he retold his words, ‘He won so many new human allies! All because he managed to convince them!’)

Radeel smiled at the excitement of his brother. Under the weak moonlight, he couldn’t have seen the sadness around his eyes.

When their senses informed them of their natural enemy rising soon, Radeel suggested that they’d better returned. They had run out so far, the trees and clearings something never seen before, that he suddenly feared for their punishment once they returned. The night had been so long after all.

As his brother refused, it became only longer.

He tried to pull Radeel with him, his steps carrying him backward into a clearing. A small disputed arose, but the slope behind his brother hadn’t cared about who owned the better arguments. It swallowed the one closer to its claws.

Radeel grabbed him, but his arm slipped from his grasp, and his brother yelled for him. Panic thrilled in his voice as he said he couldn’t free himself from what had grasped him, and as Radeel leaned down, he immediately saw the reason. With his eyes widening, he pulled away.

He had read about the vines that slung around his brother’s feet. The little knowledge he had of them sufficed to not respond to the cry for help. Should he have decided to attack them without proper preparation, they’d have wriggled around both of them. As oxygen wasn’t as unnecessary for vampires as many stories suggested, Radeel requested his brother to move as little as possible. Their strength would lessen if he remained calm.

His weight uncontrollably shifted from one foot to another. ‘I’ll go and get help! Don’t move too much, okay?’

He sprinted off, trying to ignore his brother begging to not leave him behind.

When he arrived back home, his explanation lacked grammar and sentences, but his father acted. One of their horses sounded from outside before it disappeared in the distance.

Their wait dragged itself, silent hope lingering in the room they were all sitting in. Usually though, when a whole day passes, vampires tend to give up hope.

They did too as morning dawned outside, and as practically no caves were located around the area.

An arrival still happened; the door swung open, revealing who their silent prayers had been about.

Just that the image lacked on person.

Blood was splattered over his father’s clothes, no horse had returned with him, and a golden amulet was lifelessly dangling from his grasp. The metal, usually slung around his brother’s hip, clinked as he threw it on the table.

Radeel neither saw the outside nor that room ever again. After days of starving and accusations of his father, a servant provided him with his blood, just enough so that he was off death’s bed.

(Radeel halted for a second. His fingers were shaking as his glance fell to them. After a sharp inhale, he explained what he had mentioned earlier.

When a vampire is born as such a creature, their growth differed from a human’s, like he had said, mainly in speed. Other than that, they were about the same; vampire children needed sleep and food. As every story told, it was blood that they craved, but as long as their own kind provided children with blood, the urge to drink from a human, let alone kill them, would never arise. They’d continued to age until the first taste of human blood. However, at a certain age, which varied from each vampire to the next, the process halted all on its own, and they wouldn’t be satisfied with vampire blood anymore.)

As the remaining weeks…perhaps months of those one and a half years passed, Radeel was nowhere near that mark that would make his hunger unsatiable by his people. He had remained quiet; not once did he stain his father’s wishes with failure. Not once did he dare to disappoint him again.

Hence, when his father visited him one evening, he felt a brief spark of hope. He smiled as he offered him to drink from him, but once they pulled apart, his father raised his voice, and he frowned.

’You’ll drink your next client’s blood. I should've done this earlier. You're almost too old now, and we’re losing customers. I won't tolerate – ’

‘But I want to grow up.’ Radeel reached for his father’s arm, but he pulled away. ’I want to be strong like you, father.... and like him.’

His father’s eyes flared as he rose to his feet. He balled his hands to fists before he yelled at him, ’That won't get us anywhere! Don’t you dare disobey me! This is your last chance to make us proud!’

(Radeel repeated those yelled words from so long ago in nothing but a whisper.)

When he still denied him, his father threw his fist at him. His claws soon joined.

Everything else, hitting and tearing at him, left Radeel’s arms and one shoulder in need of bandages. It took an entire day before the aching finally eased. Fingers eventually stopped trembling, and bruises started to form. At least they were coverable. Much unlike the stains on his pillow – not reddened, but colourless and salty. Dark bags under his eyes were the prize for those sleepless nights.

He didn’t even rise from his bed anymore. He only curled in on himself and scratched at his arms, wanting the despicable tremble out of his muscles.

In this state, he barely turned his head at the door opening one night. However, as he realised the visitor wasn’t human, he jumped to his feet and hastened to welcome them. He offered a smile as he explained the reason for his hesitation and told the other to sit down. As he climbed into his lap, a bit shaky in his knees, he started his usual little mantra.

However, not a single person had acted like that man that night.

He pushed him away, and Radeel’s eyes widened. Holding him by his shoulders, his grip was gentle and purposely missed the spots where his bruises covered him. As their eyes meet, his glance felt too intense for Radeel’s frightened, frail figure. His voice was even more peculiar when he said he wasn’t a customer.

Radeel’s eyes flamed, and he clumsily fled and flopped to the free side of the divan. Apologies flooded his lips, and he rubbed his hands over his thighs. ‘My father is upstairs…you should probably talk to him if you need anything business related.’

When the stranger didn’t react, he picked at some loose bandages on his arm. Only as he requested Radeel to tell him his name, did he turn his head. He answered and returned the question.

’Laxseau.’

Lax questioned the reason behind the wooden sword placed next to the small bed at the other side of the room, and Radeel jumped, startled at the spotting of his secret. He immediately raised his hands to appear innocent as he glanced at Lax. When he met a smile, he reluctantly told him about what he had been doing.

Lax smiled softly. ’From a blacksmith’s perspective it’s truly horrible, but maybe a carpenter would like it.’

Radeel explained the reason for the weapon’s material.

‘Does that mean you can fight?’

Radeel nodded.

’Show me, then.’

The sword strapped to Lax’ hip flew into Radeel’s hands. He only dumbfoundedly stared down to it, but Lax prompted him to stand up.

He rose from the divan himself and picked up Radeel’s stick, holding it out so that their blades could cross. Radeel frowned and laughed at the unfairness, but after their fight had ended, Lax’ blade had slipped from his hands, and his wooden stick had barely a scratch on it.

Still, something urged Lax’ lips to twitch, and he offered to take Radeel into training.

At first he denied him, his pledge to his task nagging at his conscience, but Lax convinced him that his father wouldn’t mind. They’d already talked before he had come downstairs.

With hesitance in his muscles, he agreed and followed Lax upstairs. His knees buckled as he arrived in the hallway, the front door only a couple of corners away. However, as they reached it, Radeel jumped into a thought and swirled around. Lax needed to hold him down as he practically begged in his arms. ‘I want to get something, please! I don’t think my father would mind.’

‘I don’t think so either, but tell me what it is. I’ll get it for you.’

Radeel’s eyes lit up, and he let himself be pushed outside. Somewhat relieved he didn’t need to approach his father and ask for permission, he eyed the dark grass beneath his feet. Just when he decided to sit down at the stairs, Lax appeared behind him.

With one last glance at the mansion, seemingly lifeless and hollow, he slid the golden amulet into the pocket on his shirt. Something made him shiver as he turned his back to his home, but he followed Lax into a carriage in swift jumps.

(‘It was one of many carriages we used,’ Radeel chuckled and flipped the amulet in between his fingers, ‘but that one has forever been the most promising.’)

Chapter Text

To call Lax' sessions easier in comparison to the ones Radeel had undergone in his early childhood, would've been a lie. They often trained for hours, sweat crawling out from the depths of his exhaustion.

He had to relearn countless steps and stances, but with Lax now by his side, he found to improve faster, to correct mistake more easily, and to handle defeat as something that would bring victory to him in their next match. For the first time, someone complimented him so that even the sterner remarks about ways to perfect his steps didn’t hurt him anymore.

Of course, there were times when even Lax became frustrated. His calm and usually relaxed state especially ceased if he gave Radeel a task to learn on his own, but when he came to check on his progress, he needed to face the boy’s inability.

He sighed, repeatedly so, and told him, repeatedly so, how he’d need to become more independent.

Radeel always nodded, but thought back to how he had taught himself. Alone in the basement, he had all night to spar with imaginary targets, but with a mentor now waiting for him every day, he struggled with providing on time. Lax often wanted him to learn a new skill within the course of a week, but he just couldn’t get his muscles to act out what he had learned after such a small time span.

Yet, whenever failure occurred, Lax never called it that. He only lightly pulled on his hair and sighed, telling Radeel to keep training.

Apart from fighting, Lax allowed him to pick up his old habit of holding a book.

(Radeel chuckled. ‘Wasn’t he the one who was constantly travelling with one by his side?’)

And they travelled a lot. Far over the land, on roads no mortal dared to touch.

A book found its way through Lax’ hands to Radeel one day. After that one, another followed, and another. Their factual presentation of topics differed from the long-forgotten tales he had devoured in his childhood; he came to dislike reading for the first time in his life. Still, as it was Lax who gave them to him, caringly handing them to him once they had left his own hands, he always ended up reading them.

Lax’ intention behind handing him books about hierarchies and basic leadership skills eluded him. Their theories had been composed by many different people; even human authors crossed his eyes once, their studies mostly about psychological discoveries. They must’ve had at least a tiny spark of truth to them for Lax to as much as grant them a glance. However, he still failed to understand what he had planned for him.

Only at a time when his childhood finally faded away, did he come to understand. His change rid him off unpleasant memories and his necessity to sleep; torturous images had forced him to climb into Lax’ bed during the day.

(Radeel smiled weakly as he said he didn’t remember their content or how sleeping and dreaming had made him feel. However, what he still recalled were memories of an arm slinging around his small figure so that he could finally sleep for some hours. Over his head, a hand was always holding a book, and by the time he woke up, it had already been finished.

That procedure continued for many nights even as their journey had already been of a couple of years.)

That day of change and understanding had taken place a few years after that habit had stopped. When Radeel returned from his first taste of human blood, and when Lax was waiting for him with curiosity and a proposal.

He placed the book he was holding at his side. ‘What made you do it? You still had some time, right?’

Radeel smiled at him, but crossed his arms as he leaned against the closed door. ‘I had none…maybe I was just curious.’

Deep inside of him, something told him he had done it out of spite. Out of craving to forget what haunted him during the day, out of a desire to taste, explore, and experience. He could finally leave behind what still bound him to his past.

Lax smiled to himself at Radeel’s reason. ‘And how was it?’

‘Was it not supposed to taste good?’

Lax laughed, but rolled his eyes. He placed his book at the table as Radeel sat down next to him. He exhaled softly before he revealed the purpose of all those books to Radeel. He had been planning it ever since the first one had entered his hands.

(Radeel didn’t frown or judge the other as he told of his secretive scheme. Lax always tended to plan ahead a good two destinations. He must’ve thought Radeel had been too young when he had first heard about everything why he hadn’t told him.)

There were rumours, Lax said. For years they had mingled with the common, irrelevant talk of vampires, but they’d actually been proven to be true recently; the boss was searching. Strength was written on the application sheet, and multiple people were needed.  

Radeel frowned at Lax’ endorsement of the plan. He knew how Lax didn’t like leadership roles himself, and Lax quickly came to know how Radeel didn’t fancy that the troupe wasn’t allowed to directly contact the boss. They were supposed to act outside of the subordinates’ range to strengthen remote regions and provide stability among smaller communities.

Lax didn’t stop talking despite Radeel’s obvious aversion. When he proposed him to apply as the leader, he finally realised what his plan had been.

(‘Laxseau spoke of prestige,’ Radeel mumbled and watched as he twisted his wrist around its own axis. ‘I had only ever read about that word back then, but it always surrounded powerful, noble people.’

He smiled and pressed down on his wrist to stop himself from turning it. The usage of that little word had sufficed to spark his interest; he didn’t even listen to Lax explaining all possible advantages should they be accepted anymore.)

He still asked why Lax couldn’t take on the role of the leader.

However, as swift as the words had left his mouth, Lax had already shaken his head. ‘I couldn’t handle the people who are to come. You know I’m not someone who’s keen on sorting out conflicts.’

(‘His words have held true,’ Radeel laughed and briefly glanced at Lou, ‘or have you ever seen him actively participating in any discussion?’)

‘You have the virtue of interest on your side, Radeel. You listen to people.’

Radeel nodded silently as he recalled glimpses of their travels. Thinking back to them, he was used to negotiating with vampires. He’d always done that during their journey.

Lax smiled as Radeel’s mien folded with some thoughtful wrinkles and grabbed his hand. ‘You wouldn’t be doing it alone – we’ll manage.’

(Radeel’s smile was even brighter here in the present than all those years ago.)

Chapter Text

The smile on Radeel’s lips faded as he fell silent..

Lou had sat up earlier. He was staring at his legs, crossed under the blanket, his back in a slump against the headrest. As their soft breaths turned too noisy for his ears, he carefully glance up at Radeel. Pressing his hands against his covered ankles, he raised his voice, ‘You’ve got a very lively way of telling a story…if it was a different one, I’d even call it beautiful.’

Radeel turned around, his lips twitching a little. He looked away still before he answered, ‘I didn’t tell you to seek pity, let alone forgiveness.’

As he looked back at him, his forehead was thrown into wrinkles. He tried to keep their eyes locked, but as a heavy exhaled pushed from his lungs, he laughed shakily and turned away. ‘I simply wanted you to know…perhaps to understand some of the stuff I said; I told myself not to be ashamed for…attracting people. I didn’t mean for my praise to devalue you.’

Lou leaned forward to catch his eyes. ‘Your own search for that feeling never ended, did it?’

He flinched lightly as he sent Radeel’s chest into another heave, but his lips still warmly curled at their edges.

When Radeel raised his voice again, Lou leaned back, his glance not daring to connect to his as he heard his timid whisper, ‘I wanted someone to notice…someone to acknowledge on what costs I’m trying to achieve my goals.’

‘Radeel?’

His breath was barely audible, but Radeel turned to face him.

‘Maybe, instead of searching for recognition among the ones who’ll provide nothing but criticism, look at the people you’ve already gained as yours. It needn’t be everyone.’

Striving for encouragement, Lou raised his lips into a smile.

Radeel’s eyes were twitching between the two of his, colour sparkling like sadness. He laughed and sat on his leg, trying to have it appear natural that he averted himself another time. ‘I said comfort wasn’t the aim of this. I…– are you feeling better?’

Lou nodded, but said he’d still need to sort his feelings now that he had obtained some more insights.

‘Lou, I told you, you shouldn’t – ‘

‘What made you change your view?’

Radeel’s expression softened. His eyes fixed to Lou’s, their colour brighter than ever.

He turned away still before Lou could figure out what he was trying to silently convey. ‘I liked the boss’ thinking…that the entirety of humanity was a disgusting pack that deserved to be slaughtered. Somehow it never clicked that many of our vampires were humans before too.’

His eyes slowly crept back up, and his voice turned quieter, ‘but now, I just…– I can’t hold everyone accountable for the deeds of a few. I just wish I had gained that view earlier than meeting you.’

This time it was Lou who laughed quietly. As the noise died, he caught his glance wanting to drop. He tried his best to keep it arisen, but to put a smile to his lips exceeded his limits. He only whispered, knowing the vampire would hear him. ‘I don’t want to leave, Radeel, so I can’t accept your offer…– my choice, the side I pick, whatever you want to call it; I want to be part of this…of something adventurous.’

An unspoken wish to experience the feeling that comes with that word sparkled in his eyes.

‘But I’d like some distance if you achieve everything you want…to think.’

His voice drifted off as his glance finally yielded. ‘I called this mansion ‘home’. Once in conversation, and way too often in my head.’

He looked back at Radeel, his eyes watering a little. ‘I can’t live with that if I’m not absolutely sure I like thinking and feeling that way.’

‘I could grant you some distance right now if you – ‘

‘No, don’t leave me now. I need someone to look back to…even if I hate that it’s you.’

Radeel’s lips twitched as his own glance fled Lou’s eyes. He mumbled a different offer more to himself than to Lou, ‘Do you want me to get someone from the basement instead? Do you know anyone?...or were they – ‘

‘No, no, there isn’t anyone. You don’t need to.’

Radeel frowned, and Lou supressed a sigh as he answered him, ‘Even if I knew anyone as a customer, they’d not remember me. I didn’t really call anyone a friend.’

Radeel raised his voice to ask about family members, but Lou already shook his head before he had finished his question. He dropped the thought together with his glance.

‘That doesn’t mean you should leave anyone down there, you know. You could get your plan going.’

‘We can’t,’ Radeel denied him and shook his head. ‘If your assumption is correct – and I think it is correct – then the boss expects an advocate for the humans to appear. Should I make any changes now, we’ll come under suspicion.’

He waited for Lou’s silent nod before he glanced to one of the candles on a cupboard next to the door. His irises flickered with the low flame as he grasped an idea. ‘But I could improve their conditions and call it preservation…’

His glance returned to find a smile – brighter than the light of the flame could’ve ever been.

He jumped off the bed, asking if he could leave Lou alone. Once he was standing over the threshold, he looked back at him and smiled weakly in response to Lou’s nod. He watched him lying down, pulling the blanket back over him.

‘Lou?’

He hummed in response.

‘I’m sorry.’

Chapter Text

With his chin lying in the palm of his hand, Lou’s eyelids sunk lower with every uttered word as he listened as closely as his exhaustion allowed him to.

Everyone had gathered around the table as Radeel had requested to discuss their findings. As Taeslir presented his thoughts on the possible traitor, enrichening the table with calculations and evaluations, Lou let his glance wander to something else; he didn’t grasp one bit of the little he got to hear and didn’t have the strength to try and understand the rest.

Yppha was seated next to him. He had told him he should let him know if something bothered him. But his glance travelled elsewhere.

Lou forced his lips to an awkward smile as he met Deengar’s glance. Deengar answered him with a grimace as if he had an aching tooth.

The awkwardness slipped from Lou’s face. Deengar’s reaction reminding him why his gaze was tinted a different shade of purple today.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Still before any meeting was as close as touching Radeel’s lips, he’d run into him. His eyelids were still fluttering with sleepiness of once another discomforting night as he bumped into him.

‘Deengar…I –‘

‘Let’s talk,’ he snapped at him, pulling at his wrist and dragging him toward the room opposite of Radeel’s.

Lou jumped into tensed muscles. He stemmed his strength against the grip. ‘Can…can we go into Radeel’s room instead?’

He held his breath as Deengar glanced back at him, relief washing over him as the grasp around his hand retreated. With his hands in his pocket, Deengar heeded his request, kicking the still broken door open with his foot.

Lou followed him, hands hurrying to close the door as best as he could before he jumped to sit on the bed. His glance lay with his hands in his lap. Perhaps he could remain silent until Deengar raised his voice. – A futile thought as no sound reached Deengar’s lips.

‘Please, Deengar, just tell me whatever you want to do–‘ he didn’t look at him – ‘or take.’

‘Lou?’

It must’ve sufficed.

Lou’s face still twisted uncomfortably as he looked at him.

I’m sorry.

He choked on the breath he was holding. It burst into a pained laugh. Deteriorated into a sob as tears sprung to his eyes.

His hand rushed to fetch it quicker than his head turned away again.

‘I’m sorry for what I did– ’ he gained Lou’s eyes on him as he continued. They were twitching between each of his, hardly embracing their unnatural colour, unsure if they wanted to leave or not – ‘and for what I said.’

He looked away, and Lou glanced at the uncombed strands of brown covering his head. ‘I should’ve done things differently…better.’

Lou shakily exhaled again. The noise not quite a laugh this time. ‘I thought you were going to slice me open.’

He wiped at his eyes again, stemming his fingernails against the bridge of his nose.

Deengar looked up, but his voice remained low, ‘I can’t blame you for that.’

‘I still appreciate your apology.’

‘Don’t thank me.’ He frowned and turned away.

Lou only shook his head.

Deengar’s eyes widened as he caught the gesture from the corner of his eye, but he hid his expression as he crossed his arms and glanced toward the door. ‘I don’t want your appreciation. I couldn’t even start this shit.’

‘But you still apologised…it doesn’t matter how.’ Lou leaned to the side a little, trying to catch Deengar’s eyes. They had felt differently a few seconds ago when kindness had glistened on his face.

It made the feeling inside his stomach ease.

‘Your reaction is merely human. If you regret something, it’s natural to – ‘

He halted and slowly looked up, his glance creeping toward Deengar.

Similarly perplexed at the term he had called him, Deengar furrowed his brows. As he turned away, his glance fell to Lou’s intertwined hands, and he mumbled something incomprehensible.

The undecipherable noise, although it sounded soft, frightened Lou and he quickly shifted his weight to get his thoughts running again. ‘I think, I don’t define the term “human” as something bodily related.’

He chuckled lightly as he turned away. ‘I’ve never defined someone’s humanity by common methods, I just realised.’

He smiled brighter as he found an explanation to his wording, his heart jumping the slightest of beats, but Deengar exclaimed, he still didn’t understand what he was trying to say.

‘Back in my hometown,’ Lou continued and looked at the other, ‘I’ve seen many people as monsters, but in the past couple of weeks, apart from that awful walk, the term didn’t come up. Even if I’m probably surrounded by the common definition of actual monsters.’

Lou smiled as Deengar appeared interested, something he hadn’t found in his expression very frequently. ‘I’d define it by how humanely someone acted. To possess morals and good will, and being affect by regret. That shows more of owning humanity than just counting as a human being. And you decided to make up your mind…I guess my definitions don’t match, then.’

His words ended with an exhale, a clear one. One that eased some of the tension in his fingers. Still, he looked away as he realised he’d spoken out of a feeling, the words echoing in his mind. Instantly, they sounded ridiculous.

Deengar’s quiet, approaching steps made him glance up again. After Lou confirmed his requesting glance on the bed, he sank down beside him. ‘Taeslir said, I’d have difficulties telling you when I told him what I wanted to do, but this…I don’t understand. You say I’m acting human because I show weakness?’

Lou shook his head and turned to the other, lips moving out of the peculiarity in Deengar’s voice. It appeared too harmless to be likeable. He tried to explain how apologies happened out of regret, which only emerged from someone who rethought and shifted their stance.

‘I can’t say what made you change,’ Lou continued and let his eyes flicker away, ‘but you found something that made you want to…and that isn’t weakness.’

When he looked back at him, he raised his lips to a smile, hoping to have his encouragement conveyed. Deengar averted his glance the second their eyes met though, and Lou’s expression fell.

He tried a different approach. ‘Does this mean you are supporting Radeel’s idea now?’

Deengar glanced back at him. ‘I can’t tell you just now…I need to be certain it was my own choice, not someone’s influence.’

‘You do know that there’s a difference between changing your opinion based on someone’s comments and blindly reading into someone’s persuasion?’ Lou asked, quietly, frightened. When Deengar’s eyes widened, he thought he shouldn’t have expressed what he had concluded from his hesitance.

But the emotion in Deengar voice was a different one. ‘Which of those are you doing?’

His eyes stayed wide-open even after he had finished his question. Just when Lou glanced at him, a furrow in his brows, closure on his lips, he blinked and looked away. He was fleeing him, not just his glance, as he stood up and excused himself.

Before he could’ve yanked the door open, Lou pressed out his thanks.

Deengar’s lips twitched with the faintest idea of a smile before the door opened and closed behind him.

He fell back onto the bed, his glance rising to the ceiling, which seemed completely emotionless for the first time since his arrival. Trying to form a conclusion on their conversation, and truly unmotivated to get up and strain another muscle at so much confusion running through his mind, he rubbed his hands over his face.

When the door flew open, a clash of wood against wall cupping his ears, he almost jumped. Almost, because the nimble figure climbing over him stopped him.

‘Lou? Lou, are you sleeping?’ Liu almost yelled and pushed down on his shoulders. ‘Wake up!’

‘My eyes are literally open?’

‘I need your help,’ they ignored him and moved back a bit. Lou stemmed his elbows against the mattress at the new-found space and glanced at them. ‘I lost my mouse.’

‘Since when do you have a mouse?’

‘I found it…in the hallway a few days ago, okay? But now it’s gone, and Lax and Taeslir are going to kill me if I don’t find it,’ they explained and pushed Lou back down to look him in the eyes after he had tried to get them off him, asking if they couldn’t ask Yppha for help.

‘He’s absolutely terrified of mice,’ they said, involuntarily sitting up when Lou pushed against their shoulders. They added a plea to their request, having slipped off into desperate promises of allowing Lou whatever he wanted as long as he helped them, and Lou needed to interfere.

Tightened grip on their shoulders, finally gaining their full attention, he assured Liu they would find their pet.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Lou was glad he had only assured and not promised Liu that the search for the mouse would end in success since the sole victors of the situation were sweat, developing from endless hours of crouching and bending under every furniture, and the mouse, maybe, which, Lou was certain, possessed some higher intelligence. They had heard squeaking and had run after it only to find nothing as if the mouse had deliberately made a noise, just to disappear and laugh somewhere else, watching them chasing after it like dumb puppets.

He shook the idea out of his mind. That rascal had caused enough headaches already, he wasn’t about to go insane over it now that they had agreed on staying silent and hoping for the mouse to return on its own.

Rather, he listened.

Deengar had kept his view on Radeel’s plan short while he was residing wherever his thoughts had put him, and had described it as a want to keep as many people as possible alive.

Lou didn’t judge his comment once he returned to the conversation. He even smiled a little to himself.

As his lips sank, Radeel’s breath to his side faltered. He fell silent as his glance dropped to Lax, whose turn it should’ve been next. As he decided to skip him, gaze rushing to Liu, he received refusal.

‘I thought this was going to act as a discussion on what to further pursue,’ Lax said, leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, and kept his eyes on Radeel. ‘Then, why has something changed?’

Lou knew what Lax was talking about. Radeel had eagerly returned from his improvements to their handling of the humans still the same day, his lips sprouting with their descriptions.

He had needed to refrain from telling Radeel he didn’t see the changes as optimal. The main idea had consisted of clean clothes and thicker blankets, but as Lou had raised the issue of food supplies, Radeel had shook his head. He’d be working on it, he had promised, but Lou hadn’t received information on whether he had kept his promise. All other points he had confronted Radeel with were even further from possibly happening.

He understood that more than ever as his glance swayed to Lax. Not one particle of wavering flickered in his glance, not one tiny drop of cooperation had flowed from his lips when he’d spoken to Radeel. And he was only one person, one part of a denying entity, and yet it still seemed so strong that Lou questioned how Radeel could raise his voice again.

He explained that he was permitted to decide such affairs himself as the mansion was his management. He didn’t need to inform anyone about it, had, however, wanted to tell them a bit later as he thought it was the better – for both parties.

With that, they dropped the topic, Lax everything but agreeing, and glance and words fell to Yppha.

Lou had thought Yppha’s support for the idea had solely consisted of wanting to keep harm to a minimum. He hadn’t received more of an opinion than to keep vampires safe and humans alive. Yet, as he talked about his advocacy for equality, their unissued rule of pouring heart and mind into every syllable, Lou found himself at awe. His expectancies bloomed with a desire of achieving everything they hoped for and overflowed with tremendously convincing passages. Yet, he didn’t leave out the difficulties.

As he finished talking, Radeel leaned back, the tiniest of smiles curling from the corner of his mouth. ‘Alright, then I’d like to know who’s against our idea.’

‘There is no such thing as our idea.’

Radeel glanced at Lax. ‘Could you state your reason for – ‘

‘No.’

Radeel closed his eyes as he inhaled. When he opened them, the muscles around his lips twitched slightly and his eyes jumped between Lax’.

‘I think it’s easier if we gather all – ‘

‘No.’

His eyes danced away in a flicker, and he bit the inside of his cheek.

Lou wanted to act on his unease and weighed his will against the muscles pulling at his head. Had there been an interaction, something as little as a glance, he’d have been readied. Yet when Radeel looked at Lax instead, the tender smile in his head faded, never to reach his lips.

‘Fine,’ Radeel breathed. ‘Then we will leave it at this. Like I said at our last meeting, I won’t – ‘

‘Laxseau, we can’t properly analyse this if you don’t offer your view,’ Yppha interrupted him and washed away any last resolve Radeel had over his facial muscles. A brief sniff fled him before he glanced at the new speech man.

He was the eldest, Yppha continued, and the one with the most experience. They valued his opinion, their understanding could only benefit

‘What understanding?’ Lax replied, voice low, and placed his hands on the armrests. ‘All this talk about views and opinions – nobody cares. There are rules and they are absolute.’

‘But why are you against it?’ Deengar piped up. ‘You’re only argument are those rules, but what are your own thoughts?’

As Lax’ glance wandered, his breathing turned frighteningly uneven, his chest rising with more strength. His claws scratched over the wooden rests, and the muscles around his nose twitched.

‘I can’t go against the boss,’ he said, slowly and put as much accentuation on each individual word as to not be misunderstood again. ‘You can’t go against the boss, it’s as simple as – ‘

‘We don’t want to go against anyone,’ Yppha cut him off. They preferred talking, as they had agreed on during their earlier elaboration, he said. If talking could get them results, there was no need for resorting to violence.

‘There is no such thing as talking!’ Lax yelled and his upper body sprung forward, solely being held back by his own hands tightening around the rests.

Yppha fell silent, his glance giving way, and Lax glanced through horrified faces, eyes indicating he’d stab anyone who dared to raise their voice at him once more.

The only one who didn’t move away was Liu, who rose from their seat and walked over to Lax’ side, placing their hands, although they possessed no less of a tremble, on his arm. His name chimed from their lips, and he glanced at them.

‘I don’t understand why that’s your answer or what could’ve possibly happened to you to react this –’ their breath hitched as they swallowed the next words on their tongue – ‘…this way. But that’s what we are trying to change; more communication, more talking to get better conditions for everyone.’

Lax’ chest rose normally again yet his eyes widened, and his claws scratched at some of the paint on his chair. His fingers twitched around the line they had carved into the wood.

Taeslir slowly pulled on Liu’s arm, getting them back to his side. He kept his hand around them, determinative of having them by his side if he had wanted to. ‘Laxseau…it’s our own people that are effected. We aren’t just doing this for the sake of humanity…no one wants to face the consequences should nothing change.’

Lax turned away, glaring back at Radeel, and crossed his arms. Neither of them said a word, their glances connected to each other in a way that spoke more than their tongues ever could.

Though, by now, he couldn’t win any longer.

Radeel’s face had lit whenever one of the other’s had piped up to support him. Not as treacherously as a smile, but Lou had caught the tiny change in the way his eyes brightened, his brows rose, his breathing eased.

This time, Lax couldn’t disagree without giving a reason.

‘I can’t say anything against trying,’ he gave in, but swiftly rushed off to his room.

Silent glances moving after him.

‘Deengar?’ Taeslir interrupted, the air now empty, but so awfully thin that it wasn’t comforting. He turned to his side, grabbing Deengar’s arm. ‘Can you help me with the…the uhm…papers?’

Deengar’s eyes fell to the tight grip on his arm. He turned up his nose as he looked up, a question whether Taeslir had seriously just said that on his face.

Taeslir’s cheeks flushed in a heat of embarrassment as Deengar roughly responded ‘sure…fine whatever’, and hid his face by rushing off and upstairs, a trail of unexcited footsteps following behind him.   

The remaining three dispersed in similar manner, Liu being the only one to lack a disturbed expression as they retreated to their room.

Radeel tried to tend to his steps but failed and appeared to be fleeing. Lou could hardly rush after him, and missed how Yppha stood up and left.

Unknown about what else to do, he remained seated; time sank into a filled mind.

Naturally, not one of his thoughts was of well-meant spirit.

His glance wandered around the room and fell on some useless item, a repeating process, a new item under his glance just as he tossed aside the previous one. As he pressed his hands against the table, he rose from the seat and realised he should’ve fought against his avoidant behaviour.

Had only reacted, only seriously put a thought to anything he was staring at, he could’ve dodged the bullet that came rushing toward him in the shape on an idea.

He hadn’t done anything during the meeting he told himself. Neither had he done anything afterward other than running his head and eyes over irrelevant pieces of decoration. And now, he was just as useless as he walked, without a plan, without sensible thought.

The one thought he formed after he had reached the door to Lax’ room was so utterly naïve that he couldn’t have gone against it any longer. Nothing, but his unchangeable desire to somehow be of help, to control at least a little bit of this situation, brought his fist up against the door, knuckles hurting as they connected.  

‘Lax?’

A quiet question if he could enter.

He didn’t receive an answer, but still pulled the door open just far enough to slip through.

By mistaking Lax’ silence for an approval, he found the door closed behind his back, aching muscles against wood, a hand on his throat. His hand rushed to help. It did little against Lax’ strength.

He choked out his name, kicking at anything. Hoping to hit something as useful as a knee.

He surely didn’t see, but he knew a stabbing pair of eyes was staring at him.

He was searching for something he couldn’t name, something that neither his claws nor eyes could grasp entirely. Not to his satisfaction.

‘No,’ Lax breathed, letting Lou slide down so that his feet touched the floor, ‘it wasn’t you.’

The hand vanished, rewarding Lax with coughs and choked sobs as Lou dropped to the floor. His nails scratched over the panels as he tried to push himself away.

He was trembling as his lungs screamed for air. ‘What?’

‘It wasn’t you who made me change my decision,’ Lax said, glancing back down on him.

An expression on his face which Lou had never seen before.

On anyone.

His eyes drew away all on their own, choosing the floor without the tiniest bit of regret. Even if that slimmed his chances at spotting Lax’ next move.

He couldn’t blame his body for reacting. Not when his thoughts were racing around the image of Lax’ face. Not as his arms gave in to the tremble.

He had allowed his mind to chance upon one thought of being able to deal with Lax’ hatred. The vague concept it had sprung from was his own naivety. He had believed he possessed safety in this development and as the flowery path of that thought crumbled in front of him, he realised how wrong he had been.

So heedlessly.

He had forgotten about something majorly impacting him.

It dawned on him with a sentiment of complete submission. The idea of looking up another time seemed so vile, he wouldn’t have dared another glance at the face above him.

A face belonging to a monster.

Because of a single person, Lou was reminded about what he had been dealing with all this time. It was too painful as the thread that separated his life from death appeared in front of him with a vividness, for a second he believed he could’ve touched it. He closed his eyes as he realised what the thread’s thinness meant. What his life meant in the hands of vampires.

As he heard Lax’ steps carrying him away, the thread faded, and his eyes acted on their own. They spotted him sinking to his chair, placed at the side of his desk instead of behind it. Staying away from his face, they wandered to some hectic scribbling and Lou gulped.

He would’ve liked a sudden miracle to appear; maybe, the floor opening under him, letting his bones splatter into pieces.

But he’d never been that lucky.

‘Can it be that you are writing when you’re stressed?’ he asked after his treacherous eyes had revealed the paper and pen in Lax’ hand. He laughed weakly as the pen in Lax hand stilled. As if it had turned to stone. ‘I mean–‘ a cough– ‘with reading –…I do the same.’

‘Don’t you fucking dare compare me to you!’ Lax rose from his seat and moved toward him, his hand wrapped around his clothes. He pulled him up and pushed him against the wall.

Lou whimpered as his shoulder blade crashed into the wall, truly himself this time. With reason. But without any idea of what to use it on. He stumbled over his words as he tried to apologise. 

‘You want to read it again, right? Forcing yourself into everyone’s privacy just to be liked and appreciated somehow,’ Lax yelled, throwing Lou against the wall before he walked off to his desk.

‘No, Lax…I’m sorry, I don’t want to read! I can…– I’ll leave.’ Lou clawed at his shoulder blade and tried to straighten, but Lax threw him off-balance as he returned with the piece of paper between his fingers.

Doubtlessly, he pressed against a spot with bruises on it. ‘You’ll read this now or I’ll…’

He slammed his hand against Lou’s shoulder, his lips twitching at Lou’s sob, and pushed the paper into his hands.

Lou lowered his eyes and, blurry if anything, the letters burned his eyes:

The boy had met many enemies; had slain them dead.

He’d done what his king would want him to complete.

 Rather what Elva I asked  of him to gain  more power.

He hadn’t  failed, he  was determinative,  brave,  there

has not been failure, as described, he truly succeeded.

Plan was to return to his family, them, and naturally to

the little farm they had all built at home.  He craved it.

It was a mansion; his last step to the holy treasure. His

last destination to the sought aim, to ease his longing.

He received an  envelope since to enter  seemed more

difficult than easy. What would those invitations send?

(There was a U written in the right bottom corner.)

When his eyes rose, his tears fell freely.

‘Lax, it’s…it’s a good story. I can’t –…I don’t know,’ he cried and closed his eyes to escape the type of glare none of them had directed at him in a long time. Or maybe ever.

It felt like hours before Lax finally snapped the paper from his grip and let go of him.

His feet carried him out the door. With a bit more power it would’ve been off its hinges and its lock broken, but his head didn’t follow. Stuck inside, thoughts glued to that image, heart racing.

He squeezed his shoulder with his hand, clutching onto as much as he was able to, trying to catch the faltering breaths falling from his lips. But no victory dawned on him, not when his sobs were sabotaging his attempts.

He didn’t flinch when he felt a hand on his other shoulder. He should have, he figured. It could’ve helped him had it been anyone other than the person the gentle, soft grip on his body belonged to.

As he turned around, the hand slowly slid off him and rose to his side instead.

His eyes fell shut as he dropped into Yppha’s arms. He wanted to forget his thoughts; screaming for him to run. Screaming for danger to be close.

But he wasn’t at threat. Not here. Not where that monster’s claws could not reach.

Chapter Text

Lou loved reading. He’d always found joy in sitting together with the little papers for hours, dreaming about something he thought he could never achieve, seeing things he had never even dreamt of.

After the encounter with Lax, he wasn’t sure if the term “love” still applied. Inside Yppha’s room, he’d been running his eyes over books, and over books, over stacks of books and over lines of words, which didn’t connect to any coherent line in his head anymore. He’d refused to leave his place for anything other than food or a walk to the bathroom for a week.

And when he hadn’t found his back willing to lie in Yppha’s bed any longer, he dragged his body outside and laid down on one of the sofas in the main hall. But whenever his eyes dared to fall shut, he didn’t waste his time and hastened back to the welcoming warmth, hoping Yppha might await him.

The books meeting and leaving his hands had played their part in making him forget about the details of what his sobs and cries had told Yppha in that night’s gruesomeness. Similarly, he had already forgotten what the first book he had picked up was about, and he wanted to stick to this behaviour until the last thing he could remember was the tragic love depicted in the one seated in his hands right now.

But this morning was different. As Radeel insisted on talking to him during breakfast, he had to put the book aside.

Lou had noticed that the others had noticed, had figured that the others had figured, but he hadn’t been troubled with their well-meant stain of worry. They, especially Radeel, had entrusted him to Yppha, respecting his freedom and his choice, and remained silent, but Lou understood why Radeel burned to talk. It didn’t make it any more desirable than it was.

While he was aimlessly biting and chewing at some bread, he told Radeel what he wanted to hear; empty words that didn’t satisfy either of them. Before their conversation could’ve deepened, Lax interrupted them, requesting Radeel’s attention. When he was about to decline, he pushed the urgency of it to his understanding.

They went over a letter, and Lou let his gaze fall to the book next to his plate, offering his mind something else to fumble with. With Lax by his side, he didn’t want to interact with Radeel, or gift him as little as a glance, but at Radeel’s lively manner of studying the content of the papers, he had to find his will yielding. He repeatedly jumped in his seat, pointing at different places on the sheet. Lou couldn’t tell whether the passages were to his liking, but the longer he flipped the pages and expressed his opinion, the easier it was to succumb to the curious flickers of his eyes.

He had missed this, he realised. Or, he had realised it when Radeel had joked about the choice of his book earlier. ( – maybe, he had already realised it back when Yppha’s voice had quietly sounded from outside his room through the tiny crack of the doorway, needing to send Radeel away, who had pleaded to somehow let him comfort him.)

He listened to Radeel’s scattered remarks on individual passages and soon his mind craved to know what was stated on the papers inside the envelope. The small comments Radeel made helped little as they were directed at Lax, who was reading through it over his shoulder. What he caught notice of was some needed attendance to which they had been invited.

‘I’m going to inform everyone, we’ll need to leave today if we are to arrive at the specified date,’ Radeel said while getting up and folded the letter to put it in his pocket. Lou’s gaze chased after him, watching him speed off until he disappeared behind the corner.

He noticed too late that Lax moved, only a silhouette dancing in the corner of his eye before he found a hand wrapped around his wrist. Fangs already pressing into him.

He’d wanted to refrain from reacting to him, any words useless anyway, but as Lax pressed into him, he felt a painful breath itching at the inside of his mouth. He bit down on his lips and closed his eyes, not wanting to catch a glimpse of the reason his arm was starting to tremble and freeze beneath Lax’ touch. It turned to a spark when Lax used his second hand to hold Lou in place.

Just when he thought he couldn’t take it any longer, Lax disappeared without a word. His arm numb and cold, the room hollow, the skin tone around tiny, pointy bite marks red and blue.

Lou jumped from his seat the second he caught a drop of red flowing down his arm, the shade of a forming bruise completely eluding him.

His feet led him to where he knew he would find needed supplies; he didn’t bother with closing the door and quickly rummaged through some Radeel’s cupboards, following the vague series of images in his head that were telling him where to look. As he found some bandages and a small bottle, both clumsily clattered down to the furniture. He rushed after and pressed them down, securing them in place, his eyes only staring at them.

A shaky cry finally crossed his lips as he exhaled against his trembling arms.

‘Lou?’

The items cluttered against the table as his lungs and body jerked into a yelp. His fingers only uncurled around the small bottle when he saw Radeel leaning over his shoulder, standing close enough to grab the items from him.

Lou jerked away as he saw his hand nearing his fingers and the bottle. ‘I can do it myself!’

‘Okay…of course,’ Radeel mumbled, but Lou didn’t hear him as he was staring at the still open wound on his arm.

Only the quiet clattering of the items, as Radeel carefully took them from his grasp, made his head turn. His glance swayed with Radeel’s figure, leading him to his bed. ‘Come here, sit down.’

After he followed the request, Radeel placed the sanitary supplies next to him and moved away, remaining silent. Lou’s eyes widened a little, but he quickly went to work, his hands accompanied by their previous tremble, and, too, kept his noises to a few sniffs, purposely staying far from starting a conversation.

‘I’ll tell him he can’t do that,’ Radeel said after Lou had cleaned the bruised spot, but Lou shook his head, vigorous denial dropping from his lips as he begged him to stay quiet.

‘Lou, he can’t just–‘

‘No, he can’t, but please don’t talk to him about this,’ he cut him off, and tried to hold onto his tears as he blinked and reached for his bandages.

Radeel didn’t approve while Lou was wrapping them around his arm. Lou noticed from the flicker in his eyes, but didn’t comment on his stern expression as he fixed the bandages with a small pin.

At the pronunciation of his name, he cocked his head.

‘We received an invitation to the estate in the East,’ Radeel said and elaborated on the meaning behind the mentioned place; it was where the decisions were made. Being host and residence to the highest of their regime, an invitation was as rare and valuable as blood to a rotting vampire – no one would think about denying it.

‘You don’t seem all too content though,’ Lou concluded, judging by Radeel’s motionless eyes under a big frown.

‘It’s what we’ve wanted. Actually, it couldn’t be better,’ Radeel answered, eyes flickering to Lou before he pushed himself off the bed and went to put away the supplies. A sigh dropped from his lips as he explained, there wasn’t the time for any of it now.

‘But why? You all agreed you would try to negotiate, and this provides the perfect opportunity before anything can get out of hand, right? And what type of gathering is it? If you are the only ones invited, it’s even better,’ Lou overflowed with questions as sparks of excitement dared to scratch at his thoughts. They might just achieve all this easier and earlier than expected.

‘The letter said it was some type of compensation for the loss of that many people…with the attack. Many different regions were involved, so many people will attend. I think they’re aiming at keeping them together, keeping everything in safe waters,’ Radeel drifted off, but cut himself short when his eyes locked with Lou’s.

‘The reason why I’m disapproving of leaving,’ he continued after clearing his throat, ‘is because I wanted to ask you to come along, and I fear you’ll deny.’

‘Now, why should I come along?,’ Lou asked, a half-hearted laugh on his lips.

‘I wouldn’t want to leave you behind in such a condition.’

Radeel’s lips remained parted, but they acted out no purpose anymore – air entered, that was it, but solely out of uncertainty.

‘I mean– ’

‘I know what you mean, Radeel,’ Lou said, but reassured him, he was fine with being left on his own for a few days. He could take care of their humans while they were gone, he suggested, a smile displayed on his face as he indirectly asked for permission to see them. ‘I’m sure talking to one of their own will lift their spirits.’

His voice was as bright as his grin now and Radeel couldn’t restrain the joy he took from the picture. He turned away without scolding the smile on his lips.

Lou noticed and, asking if Radeel had something else in mind, searched for his eyes.

‘I thought if we got to speak with the boss, you’d come in as an advantage. In convincing I mean,’ Radeel said, turning around. And he’d hoped to let him gain some insights on the other vampires attending. ‘You said you’d want to think about your place in all this; getting a picture of how my kind really is might help.’

‘You mean they’re crueller than you were?’

Unable to keep his eyes steady, Radeel looked to the door, a dry knot hindering him from answering.

‘I just think it would benefit you.’ He looked back while averting a direct answer, unknown of what the correct one would’ve been, his own, newly-applied morals useless against the question. He added, it wasn’t up to him or the others to decide whether he’d come along, after Lou hadn’t shown any signs of continuing. He wouldn’t force him to do anything, and he wouldn’t allow them to deny something Lou wanted.

‘Would they be against it though?’ Lou asked and explained, he couldn’t come along if he was seen as a bother. They agreed on asking before they left, as Radeel was convinced they couldn’t turn Lou down if he was the one posing the question.

‘I’ll go and look if Yppha can borrow you some clothes, they should about fit,’ Radeel said and inquired if Lou wanted to accompany him.

‘I think I wouldn’t know what’s suitable for the occasion anyway,’ he admitted, agreeing that they’d meet again when Radeel had everything prepared.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

As that moment arrived sooner than Lou had mentally prepared for, he found himself next to their luggage seated on the table and surrounded by hands hectically tucking the last necessities into place. When Radeel joined them with one too many bags on him, several glances shot up. He used their silence to explain their intention.

Right as he looked back to Lou for an affirming nod, Taeslir walked to his side, his fingers brushing through the loosened strands of his hair. He attempted to raise his voice, but Radeel stopped him before any words could’ve formed.

‘It’s up to him, Taeslir. Tell him.’

With widened eyes, a hint of hesitation surrounded him as he approached Lou, fingers loosening around his hair. ‘It’s dangerous to come along.’

‘I know, but Radeel said he’d keep me safe,’ Lou answered, averting his eyes to glance at the others, reluctantly gifting a brief glance to Lax at the corner of the table. He added, he’d want to come along, but would respect it if any of them weren’t fine with that.

Taeslir fell quiet as his glance dropped, but Radeel hardly gifted him a glance before his eyes hastened away. His lips were twitching into a smile, amused with Lou’s statement of something he had never put into words. No one noticed. Fortunately so, as a light blush caressed his cheeks which would’ve strayed far from his liked topic of explanation.

Yppha and Liu said they were fine while Taeslir merely nodded his head with an air to his glance that Lou wasn’t quiet convinced with himself. Deengar never replied as he was interrupted by Lax storming out of the room, a bag slung over his shoulder and a pace placed on his feet to which none of them could’ve caught up to.

On their way down to the carriages – sun had just about set, Radeel told him – Lou was handed a bag and a verbal guide on where to head. He slowly placed his steps as his mind kept on repeating the directions, but as he entered the entrance hall, a part of the building he hadn’t seen yet, his eyes rose to the ceiling. Admiring a sparkling lustre, defining the centre of several ornaments on the ceiling, his thoughts drifted off and his steps came to a halt.

He only returned to the present when Yppha laughed behind him, avoiding that Lou accidentally fell down the stairs. ‘Watch your step. I can show you around once we’re back if you’d like that.’

Lou nodded quickly, a smile on his lips, but hungrily returned to the sight above him, the golden shine reflecting in his eyes.

Once outside, the sight was replaced by the clouds of the night sky. He stepped into the arms of a windy night as he stopped to glance at the two carriages. He overheard Taeslir questioning Liu whether they were fine if Deengar shared a carriage with them. Their reply put a smile to Taeslir’s face, and Lou felt his heart drop. His glance wandered to the other available carriage.

Without thinking, he rushed to grab Liu’s arm, gripping them with a little too much strength than he’d planned. ‘Can I join yours as well?’

As Liu responded with a questioning glance to their arm, he let his hand fall.

‘So, it’s really my carriage now?’ they smiled, grabbing Lou’s fingers before he could retreat his hand. ‘Taeslir also asked if I was fine with sharing my place.’

‘I’m not sure, I’m the person to answer this– ’

‘Of course, you can join! Wait, you can even put your bag inside. There’s still some space left.’

They dragged him along, and, lacking further discussion, Lou found himself seated where he had requested to be. The horses soon trotted over uneven gravel roads, meeting plastered ones as the journey continued, their shoes joining the whistling of the wind.

Leaving said noise out of mind, silence dwelled inside the carriage and while Lou’s thoughts fixed on the term “unexpected”, Deengar made clear that he found the situation to be “outrageous”.

He leaned his head against the panelling with a sigh. ‘How is that stack of papers in your hands more interesting than the fact I’m sitting next to you?!’

Taeslir caught a snort in his throat, and Liu pulled the tiny flower they had picked earlier to their lips, covering as little as nothing of their shaky smile.

By clearing his throat, Taeslir continued, ‘I told you I’d like to finish this before we arrive.’

‘Why in hell’s name would you need to remember every stupid person attending this gathering?’

‘Preparation. They wouldn’t include a list of all the attendees for no reason, don’t you think?’

‘What do I know,’ Deengar mumbled, falling back into the cushions of his seat.

‘It’s going to be a long way to the big mansion anyway,’ Liu piped up, pulling their legs up to the bench, and meet Deengar’s eyes as his head rose. ‘Radeel said we’d need to stop somewhere. So don’t worry, you can rid yourself of your frustration later.’

Deengar’s eyes widened, and he was too slow to hide the colour rising to his cheeks. With a sigh, he pressed his fist against his forehead as he leaned back, his head falling on the fixed pillow behind him. Some incomprehensible mumbling fell off his breaths as if part of a mantra, but soon died as all of them turned to their own doing again. Taeslir to his papers, Liu to their flower, and Deengar to the panelling he was staring at. Not much different than what Lou had done so far.

He was looking at the fabric that slung around his arm as it possessed the lifeless feeling he desired to obtain at least a little. Some simple peaceful calm was what he craved as numerous thoughts, trying to tell him he had made the wrong choice by coming along, were plaguing his already crammed head. As he tried to ignore the blackening hole to which the thoughts tried luring him, he caught on some further conversation.

‘Look who’s invited as well.’ It was Taeslir’s voice reaching him, and he glanced at him. He held out the paper to Deengar, but he hardly glanced at them he asked for the name, seemingly unbothered to strain himself with getting the information himself.

‘Beltyir. You know, Radeel’s past comrade.’

‘Really, where?’ Deengar exclaimed livelier, leaning closer to Taeslir, who was already pointing to the paper. ‘He wasn’t part of the attack or anything though, was he?’

‘No, a good two dozen of people on here weren’t,’ Taeslir said, taking the paper back on him, and verified his statement with another few assuring looks at the people mentioned. ‘The failure must’ve reached more people than just those directly involved.’

‘Or they stupidly want to encourage everyone again,’ Deengar said, waiting for Taeslir’s eyes to meet his. ‘Yeah, we might have failed, but look at everyone gathered here and the power we still have. That sort of shit.’

Taeslir raised an eyebrow to Deengar’s mocking statement, but as his attention returned to the list in his hands, he frowned.  ‘You mean to keep rumours down and create stability again?’

‘Yeah, if calling it that makes you feel better about it.’

Either of them fell silent. Taeslir put his mind to the idea Deengar had set going, eyebrows furrowing and unfurrowing at multiple turns of one and the same paper in his hands. Meanwhile, Deengar went back to his earlier centre of focus.

Lou’d have stepped on his own train of thought again, had not a slight poke on his shoulder interrupted him. As he turned his head, he saw Liu gently pressing their index finger to his shoulder.

He chuckled weakly. ‘Liu?’

As if caught doing something unlawful, they blinked at him, their eyes quick in pulling away. They stuttered an apology and fumbled with the small ribbon on their notebook.

Lou assured them it didn’t matter and tenderly brushed his fingers over his wounded wrist, pressing down all too weightlessly to make his tremble ease.

‘Lou, are you alright?’ Deengar asked suddenly.

Lou looked at him in confusion for a second, but turned back to his wrist. ‘Yeah, yeah, it just hurts a bit.’

‘No, I meant you seemed a bit lost in thought.’

‘I’m just tired, that’s all,’ Lou forced a weak smile to his lips, adding, he was fine, when Deengar’s gaze didn’t leave.

In the wake of his breathlessly whispered claim Taeslir also glanced at him with worry in his eyes, and he hurriedly raised his arms to his chest. ‘It’s okay…I doesn’t matter. I was thinking about something, but I feel like I shouldn’t give my opinion on it…’

‘What?’ Facial muscles bent in a way, Deengar seemed more disgusted than confused. ‘I asked you. Just tell us.’

‘I, just…,’ Lou started, but with words unplanned and sentences ill-prepared he took a breath before starting over. ‘I was thinking about Radeel telling me he saw Lax as apathetic toward most things. But I don’t agree with that. It’s…something, but surely not apathy.’

Liu retreated their gaze to their notebook, scribbling away on some sketch, leaving Taeslir to answer him. He said, he probably had that feeling because Lax disagreed quite often, his contribution to discussions most often apathy, if anything at all.

Lou shook his head and stuck his fingers to the bandages.

‘It’s different,’ he claimed. ‘It’s not that he doesn’t care. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t disagree and therefore agree when he doesn’t disagree. It’s more as if, no matter whether he agrees or disagrees, his apathy is directed at everything that’s not his decision. I have the impression he doesn’t care what others say, even if it aligns with his opinion.’

‘Lax just doesn’t care about anyone,’ Liu piped up, head still hanging over the small book in their hands.

Lou cocked his head at them. ‘What?’

Unknowing eyes locked with his, innocently blinking up at him. ‘What?’

Lou blinked and their eyes were gone, replaced by their outstretched hands proudly showing off a sketch. They grinned like crazy. ‘Look, it’s a drawing of your bandaged arm!’

Lou briefly looked at the drawing of a detailed, quite pretty sketch of his arm. He sighed as he didn’t understand them and turned to Taeslir again. ‘It doesn’t matter. It was just a thought.’

They’d have dropped the topic, would’ve returned to their fixed spots to let their minds wander, but as Deengar complained about some item, unwilling to budge when confronted with his nudging, the idea pulverised into thin air. Jokingly, or Lou at least would’ve taken it as a joke, he accused them of choosing their seats so that he sat on the one with the tiniest cushioning. He pulled the painful object out from under him, his mumble ending as his gaze fell on a small, angular paper box in between his fingers.

Liu jumped up from their seat at his confused look, taking the little stack of cards from Deengar. ‘Oh, that’s mine. I must’ve put it here some time ago. Or I lost it, could be as well.’

While still in the process of leaning back, they asked if they wanted to play. Lou shrugged and thought they wouldn’t obtain approval anyway as Deengar looked at them in anger and Taeslir was, as by his own words, too busy. Just that, he was mistaken as Taeslir agreed in the most nonchalant manner.

Instantly, Deengar’s eyes flared. ‘Oh, of course! As soon as they suggest something it’s a direct approval.’

His hands flew up in the air, a gesture which would’ve made Lou fear for his neck had he been in Taeslir’s place. But Taeslir only chuckled. ‘Someone convinced me the papers weren’t as important as I thought, so I guess a little pause won’t hurt.’

Lou couldn’t restrain his laugh as Deengar’s mien dropped. Liu couldn’t either.

They clapped out a small platform, normally clasped to the door of the carriage, as a table. And right as Liu shook the cards out of the box, Lou shook a brief thought out of his head. Visibly so

It had snuck between the emerged worriless laugh and the screaming voice in his mind, advising him to keep his distance. Those feelings had plagued him for some time now, had filled night after night, in dreams as well as consciousness. Yppha had been unable to help, but Lou had said he wouldn’t let it be obvious, he wouldn’t let them know.

Now, he just wanted to stop thinking about it. He didn’t want to talk about it and as Deengar had been so dangerously close to exposing his helplessness and incapability of standing by his decisions, he needed the thought out and away.

He tried to distract himself by listening to Deengar’s refusal. His denial was just so overcome by Liu, who made him listen to the rules of what they decided on and eventually the rounds started adding up.

Somewhen into the fourth round, Taeslir turned up his nose and pointed at the table. ‘There’s one six in here, Deengar. You need to put three cards of the same number down.’

‘What do you mean one six?! That’s the same as that one!’ He pointed to one of the nines placed next to the improper card.

‘Stop trying to cheat! Not our fault you can’t win,’ Liu said.

‘I’m not… – never mind,’ Deengar gave in, taking the trio back onto his hand, and ended his move by throwing away one card.

He did indeed not win a single time and tried to conceal his distaste of such a defeat when they arrived.

Chapter Text

Once inside, just a small in which was supposed to provide them shelter for the day, they parted ways without many words. Lax returned from the counter with a key, Taeslir, Deengar, and Liu decided to share one, Lou quietly mumbled he wanted to stay with Yppha.

His steps felt heavy as he dragged himself upstairs, following Yppha’s lead, a cold, narrow hallway. Unease lingered somewhere in his stomach. The feeling had been growing ever since they had put down the cards for the final time. His pride had been trying to tell him he wasn’t allowed the joy he had felt. And when he had tried to justify his take at the situation, his thoughts tried to tell him, they were the ones who didn’t deserve to laugh with him.

As he staggered into the room, he fell to the bed and Yppha quietly glanced at him. ‘Don’t you still want to shower?’

Lou tiredly looked back, shifting into upright position. His arm in his lap. ‘Can I still do that before we leave?’

As Yppha affirmed his question, he lied down again. Muscles ached into comfort as he watched him thoroughly preparing their room for the dawning sun, his hands showing of habit as he tucked the thick curtain into place, making it stick to the wall by something Lou couldn’t identify. He felt his eyes close at some point, but fought against them, held back by the pestering images their closure usually brought.

As the door creaked, his head turned.

‘Can I stay here?’ Liu asked and Yppha nodded, but asked if Taeslir and Deengar were willing to switch as they were only two people now.

‘I doubt you’ll get them to stop,’ they responded and rolled their eyes. ‘And don’t get me wrong, they asked if I wanted to join, but…– I don’t know. I want to finish this.’

Once more approval echoed off the walls and was absorbed in the thick fabric of the curtain, but Lou kept silent and turned to face the wall. Shadows danced across the vertical plain, thrown on the walls by the candles on the desk. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t have closed his eyes any longer. Liu’s entering had grabbed his attention, and though their usual scribbles weren’t disturbing the room’s calm, he found his senses more acute at the constant noise. His skin burned up underneath his bandage, a freeze sprouting from two bruised holes.

He sniffed before he turned over and sat up. ‘Liu, could you take a look at my arm?’

They barely hummed in response, but jumped off the bed and dragged themselves over.

Lou fumbled with the pin on the bandages, but fingers achieved as little as nothing. Liu expressed their help as they held out a hand.

‘You only disinfected it, right?’ they asked after Lou had placed his arm in their palm. They pulled the wraps off him in one swift motion while Lou nodded, eyes straying from Liu’s expectantly looking up at him.

He watched as they laid his arm down in their lap and pulled at their vest. Their hand disappeared within the layer of clothing and fingers fumbled around some tiny ampules, each of them neatly placed inside customised place holders at the inside of their jacket.

‘You just carry them on you?’ Lou wanted to know as he leaned to the side, catching a glance at the inside. Even with their arm and head hanging low to inspect and search for the needed ones, Lou was certain he spotted a good thirty different potions and liquids stored away at the safety of their own body and an additional layer of lining, which they clasped over them after they had pulled out the ones the desired.

‘They’re emergency supplies,’ Liu answered, putting both ampules next to them, and inspected the wound once more. ‘And some are in there in case I need to show off to someone.’

Their eyes clung to Lou’s arm when they reached for one of the glass ampules. Lou too focused on his wound, notably not scared, but at the very best wary of Liu’s methods.

‘This will hurt a bit. Up here, Lou.’ They drew his eyes away from their fingers, gently tightened around his wrist and wrapped around the opened ampule. ‘My eyes.’

Lou carelessly loosened his glance and allowed one brief second in which his arm remained unsupervised. Liu, benefiting from the success of their distraction, flicked their wrist, slicing a round wound around the marks.

Lou yelped quietly and looked back, but Liu’s cut circle had already disappeared.

Liu closed the ampule after they had turned it around between their index and middle finger. It lacked about half its content.

As Lou wanted retreat his arm for examination, they wrapped their fingers around his wrist and pulled him back. They applied another liquid to his arm and pressed a soft cloth on his skin before they wrapped new bandages around it. They were as quick as when removing it, and Lou quickly found himself seated with his back against the wall, an already less pulsing arm lying in his lap for inspection.

He felt no need to tuck back into bed the same instant, whisperingly thanking Liu as they stood up and returned to their sketch book. There was a knock at the door after a few unsure glances had fallen on his arm. Yppha opened it and, as Radeel requested a word, Lou looked up. He stepped inside, a familiar paper dropping from his hand and falling on the small desk Yppha had sat down at.

‘The letter. Something’s wrong with it; look at the signature,’ he provided insights on his concern, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched Yppha taking the piece of paper on him.

‘Yeah, it’s Treces’,’ he answered, but Radeel furrowed his brows in response. He couldn’t explain his obvious denial as Liu quickly jumped from their spot and ran their eyes over it.

‘No, it’s not,’ they said, raising their hand to pinpoint their reasoning. ‘He always puts a sling over his ‘T’. This one’s off.’

‘But the handwriting is the same,’ Yppha stated, glancing back to Radeel before Liu took the letter on them.

‘Then it was him who wrote it, but he didn’t sign,’ Liu concluded.

Yppha slowly shook his head. ‘He wouldn’t let anyone get his hands on his writings to feign his signature.’

Turning to Liu again, he asked if the signature had truly been counterfeited.

‘It’s surely not his. Look, that ‘e’ isn’t right either,’ Liu answered and said someone else must’ve written the letter.

‘Then the handwriting would be different,’ Radeel replied, brought his hand up to softly press his fingers against his eye socket, a sigh leaving his lips, and explained he had been at this exact point with his own assumptions already. ‘There’s just…I’ve the impression something isn’t right.’

‘Taeslir also mentioned something in the carriage,’ Lou piped up, strength gifted to his voice being somewhat audible. His back was far from straightened, and he lazily pulled on the bandage around his arm. ‘About how people are invited who weren’t part of the attack; he said you knew someone, but I don’t remember his name.’

‘And someone’s missing,’ Liu added, placing the letter on the desk. ‘You remember the developing estate that was part of our station? I had wanted to meet them again at the festivity, but they aren’t on the list.’

They tried to remind Radeel, how they had told him about them before, adding, only a small number had survived. He didn’t seem to remember, eyes falling on Lou for a second.

‘What Lou said will likely just be for strengthening purposes; including more is never a mistake if you want to influence the crowd,’ he offered his view, immediately grasping what Deengar and Taeslir had concluded in the carriage. ‘But why would they exclude someone? Someone this heavily affected on top.’

‘Did you talk to Laxseau?’ Yppha wanted to know, hardly able to remain seated.

‘He doesn’t have a clue either and said we should listen around the attendees once we’re there.’

Lou didn't listen to their assumptions and expectancies for the awaiting gathering anymore. A freeze had crawled and snuggled into his muscles and quietly, shifting the blankets into place, he retreated to somewhere more intimate.

Liu went over to the other bed again, their pencil the sole producing device of sound. Whatever their hands were occupied with provided just sufficient scratches, meeting their doom whenever they sighed and reached for the eraser, for Lou to not lose his mind. The plain wall had tempted procrastinating to take root. Painted in lowly flickering shadows, Lou was mindlessly wandering along the dances of the dark spots. Peacefully, eyes clung to the abstract images, resisting sleep just a little longer. He gave up when the scratching noise to his back found its end.

He couldn’t tell if he had truly fallen asleep as a creak to his back startled him. In silence, tired eyes scanned the room. Yppha had left one candle enlightened to burn out during the day why his figure behind Lou was visible. He was lowering himself to the floor. The old panels squealed under his weight, and Lou turned around completely.

‘What are you doing, Yppha?’ he asked, glance falling to where he was sitting.

‘Did I wake you?’

Lou shook his head.

Yppha smiled weakly. ‘Liu’s sleeping in the other bed.’

‘Yes, but –’ Lou glanced to Liu. The outlines of their figure was visible, awkwardly bent on the mattress as if they had fallen asleep during their doings and plumped to the side– ‘but don't sleep on the floor. I'll feel like shit if you do.’

Yppha tried to assure him he was going to be fine, but Lou remained defiant. He gained a sigh, but a push to his feet, and Yppha sat down next to him.

‘Just don't touch me, please,’ Lou hesitated to push out the words as he shifted to the side, the bed suddenly feeling too cramped although Yppha was still only sitting.

Staying up to his request, Yppha kept his distance once Lou noticed the mattress cave in behind his back. Yet, despite the candle burning warmly, Lou couldn’t keep his thoughts from drifting.

He couldn’t have let Yppha sleep on the floor, no matter how strongly his head screamed, thoughts pounding against his skull, that he wasn’t acting reasonably. Usually, he was facing less difficulties with Yppha. The limits he had set for his own liking, his comfort, were usually higher for him than for the others, but as his breaths quietly reached him and when the flame turned lower and dimmer, he found himself doubting his decision.

It was weakness clawing at his conscience. The pathetic feeling of not being strong enough to hold his shaking breaths inside of him, of succumbing to the ache inside his chest. Inside the carriage, they hadn’t exposed him. They hadn’t felt the need to raise their voice, Lou mused, trying to haul his thoughts away from that muddle of a troubled mind. None of them had spent as much time with him to know how to get him to talk. Unlike Yppha, who, to his dreaded expectancies, raised his voice; tone soft, breath trembling.

It was his name.

Sailing from his lips, just enough shaky air was dwelling behind him that he couldn’t have pretended to be asleep. He couldn’t have forgiven himself. Even if he knew what words were to meet Yppha’s lips next.

‘Don't.’ Lou breathed shakily. ‘Don't apologise as if you expect me to know what to answer.’

He pulled the blankets closer, fingers curling, and pressed his mouth against them. One another time his name fell from Yppha’s lips, attempting the miserable start of an explanation.

‘I know you're sorry, at least most of you,’ Lou took the word before he could. ‘And it's nice hearing an apology, Yppha. I just, it doesn't make it less –…how am I supposed to react?’

His voice dared to give out and he had to halt lest he choked on a sob and revealed the pearly drops sticking to his eyes. A breath made him continue. ‘Tell me what you expected to hear, and I'll tell you... because I certainly can't do it on my own.’

He didn’t look back at Yppha, but knew what expression was resting on his face. How those little muscles loosened, the thin slit that parted his lips for the faintest of uneasy breaths to enter, and the zest for action sparkling in his eyes, but with no way to use it. Again, he knew what to expect, what offer was to meet Yppha’s lips, and (again) it didn’t hurt any less.

‘Can you tell me how or when you want my help? Just until this is over?’

‘Can you make it feel less real?’ Lou asked, voice dropping harder. ‘Less persistent?’

He noticed how Yppha’s breath shook, touching the idea of a pained cry, a sob stuck in his throat, never to meet completion. Maybe, it was the noise, or, more likely, the silence that followed it, that made Lou’ bench sink. It was lowered until he didn’t have control over his stubbornness any longer, until he scolded himself for having upset the other.

He sniffed once, the air around him feeling awfully thick, before he turned his head, glancing over his shoulder. ‘Don't rack your brain too much, Yppha.’

Knowing that his wasn’t the only conscience suffering, he couldn’t have spat another unanswerable question at him. As much as he’d have liked to, his beliefs, probably the sole instance that remained undefiant against anything, told him vengeful aspirations weren’t the key to his lost worth. ‘I wouldn't have reacted this way, if I hadn't trusted you – if I didn’t trust you. I don’t want to lie to you and…– talking freely, like this… it’s easier than with Deengar. I was glad he had concluded his behaviour was wrong; I didn't want to take the little security he had in assuming he did the right thing. And Radeel – I just don't want to –’

He lost his words in a deep inhale.

The urge to break down and let himself be comforted competed against what he had assured himself was his true desire, but in the low light of the candle, he found himself indifferent. He didn’t want to choose anymore. He couldn’t know what the right thing was.

‘Get some rest, Lou,’ Yppha took the word, hesitance in his motion to shift to his side, and Lou gladly closed his eyes after the mattress had found its new positions of valleys, a screaming mind welcoming him into the pitch.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

His turmoil of thoughts, touching and infesting sensitive places like a grain of salt in an open wound, weren't the only ones that resorted to waves of unease. Lou's were closer to pain, closer to the place his heart rested at and where memories were buried so much deeper than in his mind, but Radeel’s rested in his head. The salt in his wounds was a different one.

Guilt swept up, one wave carrying it to his head, another one draining the water so that nothing but the repulsive, painful feeling remained. He sat up as he noticed its persistence and parted his lips for a quiet name.

Lax hummed at him, the book in his hands raised over his head.

‘No, never mind. It doesn't matter,’ he said and fled Lax peeking glance. His face was resting behind the book, but a stinging colour glared at him from behind it, which made him regret raising his voice.

Lax rose to sit up, shoulders pushing back into the lightest of stretches. ‘No, I want to hear what you’ve to say.’

He looked down to the book and placed it next to him, fingers in between specific pages. ‘It might just help.’

Radeel turned around, lines drawn over his face in confusion. ‘What do you mean?’

He eyed Lax and spotted the tiniest twinkle. Or just the reduction of a lifeless film he hadn’t put down since their meeting.

He had learned to read Lax’ sincerity over their shared years, knowing when his expression held anticipation and honest curiosity. Just that, like that, he also knew when Lax was waiting for someone else to raise his voice, refusing to answer his question.

He straightened himself, restraining a sigh by clearing his throat. ‘Don't hurt Lou again.’

Eyebrows sank, the coat was placed over Lax’ eyes like a dust jacket, and the colour faded from his face and eyes.

‘I merely– ’ he tried to express the unnecessary.

‘I don't care what your intention was,’ Radeel cut him off and stood from the bed. Lax was glancing after him, his facial muscles twitching lightly as his figure neared the door. ‘Don't hurt him.’

Fingers curled around the spine of the book, tracing a soft line over it with their tips, before he grabbed it tightly. Lax flicked his gaze away and opened the book before cupping it between two stubborn palms.

‘Is that all?’ he added his own pinch of salt to Radeel's wound, maybe tearing it open a bit further, and refused to take his eyes of the lines of letters in front of him. He wasn’t reading them any longer, eyes hardly twitched, but Radeel wasn’t to win his glance another time.

‘I don't know why, but I wish you wouldn't,’ Radeel said, feet carrying him through the opened door.

‘Would what?’

‘Close up to me.’

Next doors, just moments after Radeel's steps had carried him out of the room and down the hallway, and as their rooms were practically attached and lined up in a row and the walls were thinner than what Lou’s ears were used to, his sleep was interrupted by a dull bang.

Heaviness clung to his eyelids as they opened, which put a dizzying blur to his vision. Once able to, he saw that Yppha was closer to him than before, additionally facing him but with still a good bit of distance. As the bang of something clashing against each other met his ears again, Lou flinched and felt his want for distance diminishing.

Lou dared to rise as Yppha merely shifted lightly at the noise. He leaned up on his elbow and blinked at the darkness surrounding him, but he couldn’t figure out where the noise was coming from. It was something, maybe thrown over or thrown against the wall, that was pounding against the house, coming right from the room Lax was in. The noises, indifferent how dull and lessened they turned with every occurrence, transferred such emotion to the walls that an idea of safety crumbled.

When it appeared another time, his wish for distance died.

He shifted closer to Yppha, ever so carefully to not risk discovery. And though Yppha wasn't warmer than the atmosphere forcing him to shiver, the low heartbeat, lively, yet so, so slowly beating next to him, was a welcome – one blooming with warmth despite the bodily features.

He placed his arm on Yppha’s waist, carefully pulling on his back. He wasn’t awake, he reckoned, and if he was, he wouldn’t know the reason for Lou’s change of wants. The noise had drowned out.

Festering silence littered the room instead.

Chapter Text

Lou’d never travelled this far or this long. And though spending two more days at an inn wasn’t a particular time-consuming journey, he could feel his muscles aching into the final carriage ride. About an hour and a half, Radeel had told him.

Yesterday, during daytime, inside a darkened room lit by some candles, sleep had denied him. No matter how many lights had been flickering, he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes closed and his head on the pillow. When he’d finally forced them to remain shut, he’d realised it wasn’t his dislike of the dark that made his sleep elude him.

He had swallowed the call for Yppha on his tongue, burning and sour; he’d called out to him one too many times during this travel to still like the touch of skin on skin, Yppha’s hand on his arm. He hated himself for allowing him to comfort him, for deeming Yppha’s presence for the better.

His decisions. He’d frowned upon each of them ever since they’d left. They seemed sensible, his mind merciful, during day when another nightmare teared him from his sleep or his thoughts treaded upon risky paths. Yet, after dusk, once he wasn’t at the proximity of his memories anymore, they showed their true colours. And he started scolding himself.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the panelling, telling himself they wouldn’t obtain such a chance at peaceful talking anytime soon again. And he was here to make use of that. They all were.

Opening his eyes again, he wrapped his arms around himself, his exhale vastly too cold on his lips as the thought slipped from his grasp. It didn’t matter. The feeling of possibly being of help was as discardable as the brief spark of happiness he had felt before they’d left. A servant had suspected something to be damaged at the carriage, but a denying tongue had met him before the feeling inside Lou’s chest could’ve bloomed. It didn’t matter.

Maybe, he’d find the excitement he had felt while Radeel and him had been sitting on his bed, lips still warm with the promising words of their invitation. It didn’t matter now. (– maybe it would have mattered if he’d found out what exactly that it was that he wanted to matter so desperately.)

When the carriage halted and they descended, his blouse and jacket felt too tight. Radeel’s choice of clothing wasn’t what he usually as much as laid his eyes on. The softness of the grey vest wrapped around his waist was smooth to his skin, everything but itchy or tight.

Radeel had told him to roll the sleeves of his blouse up to his elbows, but Lou’d only tucked one to the button at his upper arm. The other safely covered his bandaged arm. The bowtie around his neck, although he hadn’t liked it at first (,but Radeel had insisted on it and had smiled as he had tied it for him), sat on him as softly as the breeze of the night.

He turned around as it hit the back of his neck. His fingers almost curled around his vest, but he stopped himself with a glance to the material, a shake of his head telling him off. He had scolded himself when he had touched it everything but delicately as he was getting dressed, and now he wasn’t to ruin the fit Yppha had tucked and pulled into place for him. Radeel had wanted to do something with his hair, now tiredly hanging next to his temples as he’d refused him. The gesture, although he had smiled at Radeel calling them “an awful bundle” and the soft red in his eyes, had felt too much like the idea of wanting to present him.

Another breeze whirled up some leaves in front of him, their crackling making him glance up. A wide wheat field stretched across the plain and tiny houses, illuminated windows, flickered far in the distance. He had never seen such a far flat distance, and as he turned around, the carriage behind him driving off, he realised he had never seen such monstrous height.

Like a cut through the landscape, mountains were adorning the distance, forming the background for a mansion nothing like the one they were living in. A wicked breeze struck him from behind, and he tumbled, his fingers fleeing into the safety of his vest, reminding him why they liked that place. 

He noticed Radeel’s eyes on him and gulped. ‘It's like a castle…’

He could hear Radeel and Yppha chuckle, but his eyes remained on the building, no sound on earth capable of drawing them away. He knew his skin was turning white around his knuckles as his fingers tightened around his vest.

Radeel smiled down to him, his hands in his pockets as he placed his weight on one leg. ‘I thought you’d feel safe as long as we’re around.’

Lou didn’t answer him; his glance was flickering. From one tower to the other. To a tower, or rather a platform, like a damaged attic, at the back of the building. To the huge door, where people entered. Beneath windows, value and acuteness in their craftmanship, and lanterns, enlightened on each side of them.

Humongous would’ve been an understatement. He didn’t even know where to look next. Like in a trance, he couldn’t tear himself away from the house, granting him to see past the surface beauty of it.

The colourfully enlightened windows; some had iron lattices on them. The door; too thick and heavy. The destroyed attic. The towers.

It was massive. The building, the beauty, the emotions. A triplet mixing to something that made Lou’s heart drop and his fingers chill.

His eyelids fluttered as Radeel stepped to his front, blocking his view, his glance carrying tiny particles of worry. He grabbed Lou’s hand and pulled it to his waist, gently pressing their hands against his tailcoat. As he told the others to get going, his hand left Lou’s, and he set into a stride to the entrance.

Lou didn’t tighten his grip; he could’ve damaged the coat, he told himself. He only glued his eyes to his hand. Yet, he couldn’t tell whether his decision bettered or worsened the situation; he must’ve looked like a belonging. He couldn’t even shake his head as some glances were drawing in on them, the heaviness of the door they were nearing completely choking his thoughts.

Liu was walking next to him, the most gracile piece on them probably their vest beneath a black blazer. They had told him they liked black when he had, to their eyes at least, looked at it sceptically. Taeslir and Yppha wore a plain suit, differing in colour with Taeslir's preference for green and Yppha's for a slight beige.

They hadn't managed to dress Deengar in a suit. Too many sighs and tantrums had accompanied them when they had tried in the past, everyone, literally every single one of them, had told him, and they had given up on the thought before they had even started. He wasn't sure what to label Lax' attire. It was a blouse, without really appearing like one, but it also looked like a plain shirt. The vest he was wearing was the same colour of his pants, the jacket hanging of his shoulders contrasting the colour with a darker shade.

They passed through some sort of garden. It looked like a welcoming area as no plants adorned the rather tiny patches of grass, scattered between stone platforms reflecting the whiteness of the moon. The crowd was chatting with each other in some carvings of some stone walls or blocking the way for them.

As if every emptying of his lungs revealed the sweetness of his blood, everyone’s eyes flickered to him as they passed by. Glancing up at the peeking eyes, he instantly became indifferent to the price of Radeel’s fit and curled his fingers around his coat. His muscles were freezing, and he curled into himself to keep some of his warmth preserved. He stayed in that position even after they had entered.

Here, the crowed finally scattered and the stares diminished, allowing his breath some room and his glance the energy to rise again. Warmer air was silently sailing over his skin, possessing the kindness to let the hairs on neck and arms sink. Looking around again, he found himself at awe at some of their garments, though he wasn’t sure what to call or label the person underneath certain slings of fabric. Some even mixed parts of their armour into their look, gracefully bound in between expensive clothes and jewellery.

As their eyes darted to him, he fled their gazes and glanced to the bright source of light falling on him from above. The crystallin light of a lustre reflected in the pitch of his pupils. Ornaments were adorning the black tapestry, shimmering in silvern glitter depending on how he glanced at them. The simpleness of their repetitive slings and symbols mixed with the prestigious elegance of the room’s furniture. The cupboards matched the warmth of the lustre’s light.

On the ceiling, paintings were covering the entire plain, benefiting of artistic handiwork Lou had only ever read about in stories. In those, noble society had called them ‘peintures’. Their usage of French was something Lou had never understood, but for them, and for his own shallow mind, the term seemed fitting. The entire room radiated an energy those people in his stories had possessed. And easy as that, with just another few glances, his awe crumbled and shifted to what he’d always felt at those passages and characters.

Artifice.

Yppha laughed from Lou’s side, looking at the sparkle fading from his eyes. ‘It's only the first room.’

He stepped next to him, covering an amused smile with his hand.  

‘I know, I know. It’s just…,’ Lou muttered, his voice slipping as he spotted another good dozens of eyes on him. ‘Everything’s so unnecessary.’

He knew Yppha understood what he meant. They had talked about these topics as sleep hadn’t graced either of them and as Lou had brought up the lustre and colourful carpets back at Radeel’s estate.

As Yppha lowered his hand, his glance swayed, and Lou followed his gaze. Gossip lively jumped to everyone’s lips as he hadn't reminded himself of the difference between a whispered statement in his world and in theirs. He lowered his glance to his hands; he didn't want them to know – not how he thought, lived, or felt. It was his personal bubble of intimacy.

‘You'll need to calm down,’ Deengar’s hot whisper met his neck, his hairs standing up again. ‘Your heartbeat while attract even more attention than you already do on your own.’

Lou flinched and jumped toward Radeel. ‘Don’t do that.’

Deengar’s eyes widened, his hands raised. ‘Fine, fine okay.’

He used the gesture to flick him off, rather than to show sincerity, but Lou appreciated his step away from him. He felt how Radeel shifted, but didn’t bother to look up at him. Fearing another set of peeking dots, he threw his glance to the floor.

‘Look!’ Liu yelped, Lou’s head cocking out of habit. They emphasised their discovery with the tip of their finger, excitedly pointing to someone standing near a small crowd of people. ‘Treces is over there. Shouldn't he welcome us?’

Their finger fell as they looked through everyone’s faces, but instead of waiting for a reply, they rushed off.

Radeel walked after them, adjusting Lou’s hand on his coat, the angle making him follow more easily, no strain in his wrist.

Treces was standing with his back to them when they finally caught up to Liu. Busying himself with some conversation, he didn’t notice that they had approached. Liu reached for his arm, their lips enrichened with his name, and he turned around, meeting their expectant glances. He turned briefly, excusing the other gathered people, and Lou let his glance sink.

His thoughts were running over what he had thought the man looked like, and how mistaken he was. Hardly any taller than him, he just so needed to look down to meet Liu’s eyes as they pulled on him another time. Some blond curls covered his right eye and swayed a bit as he fully turned to them. The bundle never went out of place, softly curling back as it was shining weirdly as if some chemicals or magic held it in place. The strands reached no further than the bridge of his nose, the left side deprived of its shield as he had brushed similarly long curls behind his ear. A dull purple shade shone from his iris, flickering to each of them, though missing the spot Deengar was standing at.

‘I see you've arrived. Right on time I dare say,’ he started as he finished his round of glances. One swift and emotionless streak of colour reached Lou, but his glance flickered away as Taeslir’s spoke up.

‘Most roads were blocked.’ He was standing behind Lou, a defending tone placed on his words. ‘We didn't think such an issue would occur. The number of people still arriving his unexpectedly high.’

Treces put on a smile, smallest of wrinkles forming next to his eye as his rising cheeks forced them to squint.

‘How blissful that you’ve managed, then.’ He avoided Taeslir’s hidden question, his smile accompanying his words as he turned to Radeel. ‘I should welcome you as you’ve made your way through the crowd. Though, you already know where the opening will be held.’

His smile fell, symbolising a goodbye.

‘Treces, I had wanted to ask– ’ Liu pushed their words and hands toward him, but was interrupted as Lax stormed off and disappeared behind a corner at the end of the corridor. Their glances followed him until Treces' came back with a perplexed expression.

‘He's not in that good of a mood,’ Liu mumbled, their arms moving behind their back to form a fist. They glanced at a shiny gem Treces was wearing to hold his one-sided mantle in place.

‘Oh, and why's that?’ he asked.

Liu shrugged in response.

The corner of his mouth twitched for a second, but he decided to drop the matter and glanced at Lou instead. The smile turned unsure as he was eyeing him. ‘You've brought someone along.’

His gesture stopped as Radeel pushed Lou behind him, additionally taking a step forward to shield him.

Treces’ smile returned as he cocked his head, eyes flicking to Radeel. ‘It would be a waste to not get familiar.’

His hand stretched toward Lou, his glance soon joining. It was his left that he extended so that Lou could’ve taken the offer with his uninjured arm. Struck with surprise at the oddly kind gesture, he pulled out from behind Radeel and connected their hands. His name lied on his tongue, but he choked on it as Treces pulled on his arm, slinging his hand around his wrist before he placed two fingers on his veins. A throbbing, almost electrified pulse hammered against his fingers and a blink of surprise crossed his eye before he pulled away.

His glance fell to Liu as he curled and uncurled his fingers. ‘So, you truly managed. Well done.’

He didn’t react to Lou’s retreat and Radeel’s uneasy push on his shoulder.

‘His name's Lou,’ Yppha mentioned, his glance possessing an unusual sting.

‘And you took him along?’ Treces’ glance briefly flickered to him, but he looked at Radeel for an answer.

‘He accompanied us.’

Treces’ lips twitched into a smile before glancing at Lou again. ‘Then he shall be welcomed as well.’

Another time, the energetic pull on his arm dragged his glance away. Liu finally pushed forward their request of talking to him later, letting go of his arm as he threw a glare at it.

‘If you're spare…,’ they added quietly, hands pushing into a fist in front of their chest while they looked up at him.

‘I'll see what I can you. If you'd excuse me now.’

He was off after another swift flicker around their faces – he had missed Deengar a second time – and rushed to the corridor’s end. They took the opposite direction, briefly meeting the vampires in the foyer, and kept walking through opened doors that led to the main hall. Lou loosened his hand on Radeel’s coat and traced his fingers over his wrist that had undergone Treces‘ examination.

‘What did he do?’ he asked as they slithered along the wall, people already gathering at the front.

‘Sense our energy inside of you,’ Yppha replied, but Lou shook his head. He knew what he had found, he said, but wanted to know how he did.

Liu jumped to his front at a space less crowded, the air less sticky and crammed. ‘Treces is working and doing research on our bundled energy. He’s studied it for years, so a simple touch is all he needs to verify if there's some inside of you. I couldn't do that, even if I knew it was inside of you as Treces did. I told him some time – I don’t know when. He’s simply talented.’

(Their answer wasn't what Lou had asked for, but he had got used to that.)

‘If he's something, then completely nuts,’ Deengar commented and crossed his arms to scratch at his elbow. ‘Constantly eyeing us with his one stupid eye as if that'd make him frightening.’

‘That's not fair,’ Liu protested and turned on their heel. Next to Deengar’s stance, chin stubbornly pushed up, they seemed like a feral mouse, even if their fists clenched at their sides. The tide turned as their lips played with a grin. ‘You're just jealous because he has more power, in brains and experience, than you.’

‘Okay, end here,’ Taeslir jumped in, pulling on Deengar's hand before his attitude could've thrown it anywhere regrettable. ‘Deengar, come on, I want to watch from up close.’

He dragged him off, claws almost sticking themselves into his arm as his eyes were glued to Liu until vampires finally moved in between them. Yppha had to tap Liu on the shoulder as well to get them out of their stance before they headed toward a lounge-like sofa that had remained unoccupied.

Lou didn’t question if it had been reserved because of their status. The number of people surrounding it, without anyone reaching for it, answered his assumption on its own. After climbing two steps that led up to the platform, they sat down and now, blessed with the raise from the crowd, saw the stage.

Stage was a bit over the top, maybe. The floor wasn't wooden anymore. Marble shined up to them, smoothly transitioning to a darker shade as it reached a set of steps leading to a bigger platform. Two chairs, sticking out from the crowd by their size and style, were placed on it, but they seemed out of use. Providing the shape of half a circle, the platform connected with the wall, steps leading off it to its sides. The wall where it ended was the only one that didn’t have a gallery, all other first floors already occupied with sprouting chats and colours. Vampires were standing behind or leaning on the ornamental iron railings, but the additional corridors were still narrow, and the air appeared crammed even from down here.

Lou sat between them in silence, Liu seated next to him, tucking some of their ampules into place. Yppha sat to his other side and Radeel on a single chair, his upper arm on the backrest. His temple rested against his knuckles as he looked around the faces still shifting around the crowd. He was sitting on one of his legs to broaden his view, but his scanning didn’t happen because of boredom, unlike Yppha’s, whose glance was lost in something Lou couldn’t label. He was searching the area for something, for someone, but closed his eyes with an exhausted exhale.

Yppha shifted as Radeel sat down completely, throwing on leg over the other. Lou grasped the opportunity to ask what he’d need to expect.

Yppha looked at him in surprise, but smiled warmly. ‘One of the boss's subordinates, Trisse, will just direct a few words at everyone before we can scatter. It should explain the reason why we're here again.’

Radeel turned to them, but Lou didn’t notice as his glance had wandered to the crowd, the chattering around them suddenly too quiet for his taste. Everyone’s voices were indistinguishable, and their tones were lowered, almost distant so that they appeared but a whisper. And still the voices slithered into his head with a volume that made his stomach churn and a knot form in his throat. Back in his hometown, he was always bestowed with a headache at the turmoil of voices at the tavern. Here, the voices felt empty, and he sniffed briefly as his hands didn’t find the ideal spot to curl into.

‘Can you see Lax anywhere?’ Radeel asked, his voice too loud for what Lou had just experienced. He turned to Yppha, who denied him.

Liu huffed quietly as they finalised what they’d been doing with some small pulls and tucks. ‘I wouldn't be surprised if he's just watching us somewhere far away because he doesn't want to be seen with Lou.’

‘Liu!’

They flinched at Yppha’s hiss, but raised their hands to a defensive stance. ‘What? I don’t like what he does. Just saying it’s possible.’

‘You still can’t just…!’

‘It's fine, Yppha,’ Lou reassured him. ‘Seriously, I don't– ’

‘Gentlemen... gentlemen?’ A voice called out from over the room. The repetition of the word silenced the crowd, urgency pushed into the syllables, a warning in the tone.

Lou’s glance swayed to the girl standing on the stage, noticing an air of familiarity despite never having seen her before. She looked much younger than everyone, definitely underage.

She smiled when complete silence reached the room and took a step forward, the flowy cape of her dress sliding over the floor behind her.

‘Ladies,’ she continued, raising her hands in a welcoming gesture, ‘dear guests, I cannot begin to express my delight when seeing this many of us gathered here.’ She placed her elbow on her fingers, and played with a loose strand of her hair. ‘The human accommodation everyone relies on for their travels is, after all, not very exhilarating.’

The crowd laughed, but fell silent with a single flip of her hand. She turned on her heel to face the crowd standing opposite of Lou.

‘But the majority has managed.’ She once again set a smile to her statement, stopping near the edge of the platform. ‘I see multiple known faces. Many of you must recognise each other and if not, there'll be plenty of time to familiarise yourself.’

Something about the way she was strutting over the stage, her shoes clanking against marble whenever she took a step, made Lou's stomach churn. Her voice was soothing, too soothing to allow his listening without searching for possible ulterior motives.

She could've moved mountains. Could’ve got whatever she wanted, from whomever she wanted.

Lou's gaze fell when her pause seemed too theatrical and spotted the person Radeel had been searching for. Attentively leaned against the wall to their right, Lax was listening to Trisse's speech, hiding behind a bigger crowd of people more on purpose than accident.

‘Yes, we all gathered here,’ Trisse continued after she had taken another step leading her back to the front. ‘The reason is unfortunate.’

Her pauses were put with reason, but to Lou – maybe just because he couldn't stop his thoughts from racing, constantly trying to anticipate possible threats in his surroundings – they reached no further than his hearing.

‘Our loss is great, our pain even greater. But though the pain is great, our will is the greatest.’

He didn't lean into her words like some people in front of him did, repeating her words to each other with such quietness, they appeared but a breath. The words sounded hollow, nothing but strings of sounds placed next to each other to bond something that wasn’t there.

‘The proof is standing right in front of me. Dozens of faces, marked by what has happened or what could've happened, stronger than ever before.’

He thought they were leaving him unaffected because he was distanced from the described happenings. Yet even if he had been a welcomed member of their regime, the words wouldn’t have encouraged him. She was talking as she was strutting. Gesturing as she was putting on a show. A show, dramatical and invented, of solidarity, when really, it was a show of power.

‘We’ve gained knowledge, bonds have experienced strengthening, and our willpower has faced difficulties just to be reborn with fresh fruits, bearing companionship.’

Radeel on the contrary paid close attention to what she was saying, appearing to soak up the content. But Lou’s mind slowly fell into disinterest. No matter how much he wanted to pursue Radeel’s example, so that he could later give his opinion on Trisse’s words and dissect her speech with him, he couldn’t stand her prestigious means of communicating. They were supposed to be subtle; a clank of a heel, a raise of her voice. Instead, they crushed down on them by the atmosphere alone, infesting his personal space like someone splaying their legs.

Instincts and common sense told everyone of their inferiority. Trisse didn’t need to invent some majestic acts to put everyone in their place, disguised as strengthening some insincere bond.

Lou despised the idea of succumbing to what was asked of him. He had never been someone to challenge his own place or importance, but no one had ever pushed the blatant lie of it all being for the righteous order into his face either. No one had ever cared – and Trisse didn’t either. (He glanced at Radeel, urging to find what he was hoping for. His eyes were twitching in thought, his expression and stance giving the air of something he had never experienced before. He, too, picked up on her insincerity. Maybe, for the first time in his life.)

‘Of course, many disappointments remain,’ she continued. Her pause had stretched awfully long as she was almost looking at everyone to her front, ‘but I am positive they are to be overcome.’

She took a step into their direction.

‘I look at everyone gathered, everyone's faces looking up at me, everyone's eyes sparkling just as brightly as mine when I say; we will manage…and take revenge.’

Lou could've sworn her glance was directed at him for a second, only letting go of the idea when the vampire standing directly in front of them yelled his approval. Trisse turned again after another quick smile.

‘Revenge on those who caused our retreat; the humans we tried to attack. We have checked our information, and, as astonishing as it is, the culprits are none other than our prey.’

Her voice fell, and she sighed as she shook her head, looking at her fingers intertwined with each other at her stomach. Another sigh pulled her hands to her chest and, after her head had risen, she looked straight into the back of the crowd.

‘Yes, you must've heard that vampires had been among the attackers, but they were only feral vampire groups everyone had looked past at before.’

Radeel shifted in his seat, stemming his arms on his thighs as he was leaning forward.

‘We’ve found proof that they've scouted out the regions and spotted us. We all know how wicked these outsiders are, teaming up with humans just to get what they crave...’

She faced the dark wall behind her now, her expression altering as if she had come up with something. ‘Yes, they had worked together with humans to bring down our bond. Our regime. Our perfect system.’

While raising the volume with every word, she pulled one of the chairs from the wall so that it was facing the crowd. Sitting down, she threw her legs over another and leaned back against the rest, silently looking around faces enlightened by her words.

Lou noticed how Yppha reached out to Radeel while Trisse was looking through the crowd. He placed his hand on his shoulder and lifted his fingers. When they fell, they possessed coordination, forming a symbol. Radeel was staring at the smile painted on Trisse’s lips, but nodded his head.

‘Now, dear guests,’ Trisse introduced the end of her speech, ‘let's raise a toast. To ourselves... to everyone who's not here with us anymore.’

She rose.

‘Let's celebrate with talk and blood – some of you have received information already, some have come up to me wanting to know whether the rumours are true.’

A clatter accompanied her strut.

‘They are; we are providing. We must provide to celebrate what's necessary to be celebrated.’

Her hands formed a fist and, raising it to her chest, pulling her head along, she let her gaze sway toward everyone when at the same time at no one at all.

‘Please, feel free to still speak to me. And…’

She threw a coordinated glance directly over her shoulder. Lou’s head jerked after it, meeting the same crowd he had earlier looked past at, but discovered nothing but a myriad of people.

‘... let's make this night memorable.’

Chapter Text

Everyone dispersed almost instantly, voices joining their footsteps rushing up to Trisse or into the next available room. Trisse quickly sailed down the stairs and greeted eager faces, desiring intel on what she had mentioned.

Lou was pulled to his feet, Radeel’s hand around his wrist. Yppha excused himself after they had went downstairs, explaining he’d listen around some people. He disappeared as masses pushed between them.

Radeel led them to the attaching room, Liu’s careful pushes on Lou’s back keeping them connected. It appeared a living room or a lounge, though so much huger than anything Lou had ever read about. Twice as big as the main hall it was blooming with disposability, likely never getting into use except for these gatherings.

Some eyes peeked up at them, targeting Radeel though also jumping to Lou with colourful streaks. Like a magnetic force, as Deengar had said, his sole presence attracted their eyes that sliced through him like daggers. After one of them set into motion and approached them, a whole bunch followed on their tracks, a circle soon surrounding Radeel’s front.

Before he answered any of their greetings, Lou pulled away and took a step out of the mass. Instantly, Radeel’s glance shot back to him. Soaked in worry, his hand emptily twitched behind his back. Realising Lou was still in reach with him, standing near a little cupboard, he turned around again.

Lou was only half-heartedly listening to their words, his occasional glances revealing that Radeel sent Liu away by placing a small gesture on their arm. Their greetings showed of repetition, each following the same etiquette, as Radeel’s mannerism set into one he hardly remembered.

He fled the forgotten memory by sliding his fingers over the smooth cupboard. At a golden watch, his fingers stopped mid-air, and he slowly pulled back his hand. The idea of touching it possessed a thought of prohibition he didn’t want to test. Merely his eyes clung to the expensive item as his breath hitched at something so unnecessarily valuable. What made his breath falter though, was the intimate encounter of something he had almost forgotten existed.

Its hands shone up at him, with golden gloves thrown over them that had faded to their original, brownish colour the closer eyes wandered to the middle where all life found its place. They didn’t produce any sound, unlike the lively jerking of one of them suggested. Perhaps the muttering behind him was the reason, devouring the quiet ticking he’d have appreciated to hear, and which would’ve given his eyes a reason to pull away. Like this they were prone to stay, mind dwelling in the comfort of something he hadn’t seen at all in these past weeks. It reminded him too much of the clock on his old desk, tenderly ticking him to sleep every night. He was smiling.

Certain people excused themselves to his back, biding their goodbye, but Lou didn't gift them his attention as his glance moved elsewhere. He was eyeing some small wooden sculptures, many of which were identifiable as animals of all sorts, when some hastened breaths reached him from Radeel's spot.

‘I've eagerly been awaiting your–’ one of the breaths turned into words, fully stable despite the sprint the person had performed.

They were interrupted by a higher-pitched voice, making Lou’s head cock up. ‘Oh, sir! I've been hoping to run into you once again!’

Lou’s glance revealed two women, their clothes glowing with the luxurious quality each guest was providing.

‘You mustn't address me as such, dear. There's no need.’ Radeel lifted his hands, lightly swinging them in front of his body.

The one to interrupt the other vampire was wearing a shorter and looser dress than her. The way her lips moved, smeared with some dark shade of red, underneath two pale eyes, surrounded by carefully chosen colours and shadings, all too easily granted her the right air of how she wanted to present herself.

‘Oh, I must insist. It's such a pleasure meeting you, I can't even begin to express my gratitude,’ her voice added the final indicator for her ambitions. Accentuation hit the right notes at correct times, so listening appeared mandatory despite her rude interruption.

‘The name's Nyona, as you must remember from the last time we ran into each other…but please where are my manners!’ She threw her fingers over her lips, keeping her distance to not ruin the look and pointed out her misconduct by glancing at the other woman. ‘I've cut you off. Please go on.’

The other woman noticeably breathed, swallowing a sigh before she spoke up, telling Nyona her worries were unfounded, ‘I've come to think we'd meet again as we had coincidentally run into each other during the welcome.’

Her voice was softer and possessed a solid tone which didn’t shake the air as Nyona’s did. She soothed the frantic bits she had torn and stabilised them before she pointed out that she had just been greeting Radeel as well.

‘Oh, I'm relieved,’ Nyona answered in a hurry, looking at Radeel. ‘I wouldn't have wanted to occupy you and keep your attention to myself.’

Her lips curled to a smile as she placed her hand on Radeel’s arm. Lou tried his best to keep his face from twitching. As if she had smelled his thoughts, her glance brushed past Radeel’s shoulder, a burning tension telling him off. He fled her gaze.

‘I had wanted to request a minute of your time,’ the other woman mumbled, her eyes, as Radeel's, fallen on the thin fingers clawing at his arm.

Nyona retreated her hand with a sigh as the other woman asked if Radeel could answer some of her questions, her hands on her hips as she pouted. ‘Oh, but I must ask of the same, I fear. Aren’t you inclined to partake in the compensation we are to be gifted?’

Lou dared another glance to cross his shoulder.

‘The feast, my dearest,’ Nyona reminded them when neither answered her.

The other woman tried to conceal the hiss in her voice as she pulled on her bracelet. ‘You have gone to receive closer information on it?’

‘Of course, Trisse told me everything. Have you not?’

‘The idea hadn't seemed that striking when she had just briefly mentioned it,’ Radeel lied and glanced between the two parties.

‘Oh, but it is,’ Nyona ignored his disinterest, her hands rushing up to her chest to act as an intensifier. ‘It's a shame we mustn't leave corpses, but I'm still more than delighted to get my thirst stilled.’

Her smile grew bigger before she suddenly froze, her hands pressed together in anticipation. ‘Will you accompany me? You've got just the right requirements as well.’

Her glance shot to Lou.

Lou avoided her glance, Radeel's eyes already waiting for his over his shoulder when he searched for them. They locked briefly before Radeel turned around.  

‘I must decline,’ he replied, adding a goodbye and empty words of meeting again should the circumstances allow it.

Her expression sank, her hands soon joining, and she forced a nod to meet her chin, sticking to the formalities.

Radeel’s gaze chased after her when she rushed off, the curl around his lips irresistible. He bit down on his lip before he faced the other woman. ‘Please, let’s talk somewhere more private.’

Lou leapt forward still before Radeel's glance returned, distance and solitude the last thing he craved inside this humongous estate. They headed for an unoccupied arrangement of couches.

‘I did not intend to step between you and her eagerness,’ the woman said while sitting down, her hands coming together in her lap as she threw one leg over the other. ‘Should I have been of bad influence, I shall make my leave. Though you did seem quite content after she had turned around.’

‘With all due respect,’ Radeel said and leaned back, his glance striking hers, ‘you cannot imagine.’

They shared a brief laugh, sincerity in their glances.  

‘It was not the first time she had approached me,’ Radeel explained after he had thrown a quick glance at Lou, who had sat down next to him and lowered his glance to his lap, ‘but do not worry, let's not talk about something that could or could not have been. Pose your questions.’

‘With pleasure, but first I must ask you,’ she halted and leaned forward, her elbow resting on the arm rest, hips shifting as she placed her chin in her palm, ‘why did you decline?’

Radeel copied her motion, arms placed on his thighs as he pushed closer, the act providing intimacy among the crowded room.

‘How many of your people have you lost...your name, you must excuse me, was it Cein?’

‘Yes, my thanks.’ She smiled just before her expression fell as she was about to reply. ‘We've had some severe injuries, but nothing strayed from the ordinary.’

‘You mistook me.’ Radeel shook his head to underline his statement, his body once more shifting closer. ‘How many of yours lost their lives to thirst? Their bodies unable to move. Or rather, was it the insanity that took and led them into the sun? How many were lost, although they could've been saved, Cein?’

She furrowed her brows as she leaned back and crossed her arms. ‘What are you suggesting?’

‘I'm stating what I've experienced,’ Radeel answered and followed her distancing move, his arm placed on the backrest. ‘We've declined and we receive humans more frequently than you do, so I cannot but assume you've been hit by the same misfortune.’

‘I'm all ears.’

‘I've got nothing to offer but my good sense, which proves enough to tell me, risking the lives of needed humans isn't what I want to pursue.’

‘Because you're cared for?’ Cein let her eyes flicker to Lou, gifting a glance to his bandaged arm slightly visible underneath his shirt.

‘Because my people are dying,’ Radeel corrected her, and she looked back at him as he defended himself by lowering his stance, leaning closer again. ‘We’re all rare on blood. I cannot mindlessly walk around while my people are dying.’

They looked at each other, studying what the other one was revealing.

Lou took the chance to catch another glance at Cein, her appearance admittingly stunning. Her hair was falling over her shoulder in natural curls, her pastel, pink-shaded gown reaching down to her ankles. She dressed to keep up a reputation, as he assumed she was of higher position and responsible for a good number of people who looked up to her. A personal touch was still visible in the way she played around with her appearance. It added to her way of speech.

‘But I'm of the impression you've already figured as much yourself when you posed your question,’ Radeel took the word again, leaning back, and watched Cein's expression brighten. ‘Considering you're still sitting here, instead of clinging to the next available neck.’

Her lips gained some joy, pointy fangs shining at Radeel, her eyes squinting lightly at the tension of her muscles.

‘You amuse me, Radeel.’ She added not quite the chuckle to her exclamation, but her lips and volume rose. She placed her fingers on her temple as she placed her elbow on the backrest. ‘Tell me why you've made this ridiculous decision and brought a human along.’

‘I'm trying to figure something out,’ his answer rushed out of him as if he had prepared it at the realisation he’d face such a question at today's event. Lou looked up at the mention of him, his eyes darting between Radeel and Cein. ‘The idea was mine, but it was him who made the choice to come along.’

Cein's lips rested in their raised position as her glance fell on Lou. As he noticed that she silently requested him to look at her, he raised his head. ‘I feel honoured to get your attention, but please don't mind me.... Miss.’

His eyes fled, embarrassed at his attempt at formality he had found in the pits of his memory. He didn't see Cein's glance at Radeel. A look of suspicion swirled around her eyes, and her lips saddened with a smile as she silently accused Radeel of lying.

His stumbles must’ve made her misread the situation. As he realised, his glance moved to her again.

‘I like your necklace,’ he said, allowing one glance to brush hers, before he looked at the reddish gemstone on her cleavage. ‘It reminds me of something I've read about.’

He searched for Cein's eyes when she didn't answer.

‘One of my servants customised it to my wish, taking inspiration from one of my favourite pieces of literature,’ Cein approved Lou's discovered similarity to the alleged, fictional jewellery. ‘How funny you recognised it.’

Lou's lips rose weakly, but his glance swayed as Radeel raised his voice.

‘Were your losses still regarding the incident?’ His glance returned to Cein after he had convinced himself of Lou’s well-being. A smile struck his lips as he noticed tightened fingers around his coat.  ‘We've been in the same station if I'm not mistaken.’

‘They were – they are…I’ve been thinking about not attending,’ Cein replied, her arms crossing over her chest as she sank into her seat with a sigh. She lowered her glance to the tone of her voice and, glued to the tiny table to their middle, briefly closed her eyes. ‘But I believe we should leave the past in its destined place. It’s not only unchangeable, but concluded on top.’

‘Concluded? ‘Humans have acquired a stronger defence.’ You’re believing that?’ Radeel almost laughed.

‘You’re not?’ she asked, her tone accusing and harsh. ‘My observations don't deceive me. I know what I've seen. There was strategy.’

She looked at Lou for a second. ‘They’ve grown smarter, denying that would be naïve.’

‘I have no intention of denying you, but– ’

‘You must apologise that I’m shamelessly interrupting this – ’ an unfamiliar voice piped up to Lou’s side and, after its owner had stepped closer, the remaining free sofa occupied a new guest – ‘but I overheard your last bits of conversation.’

His head bobbed down once as a greeting, but to label the gesture anything other than courtesy would’ve been a lie. No mask of friendliness could’ve disguised the ill intentions that were swirling around him.

The man leaned back against the rest, his arms placed over it, taking up more space than he needed. His arrogance splayed over the sofa as he shoved his self-proclaimed status into Lou’s face. He had been shaken by Deengar’s hauls of anger and disgust, but this man was searching for something different. Something more precious.

His lips curled before he continued, ‘I feel compelled to reply with dissent.’

Lou forgot to blink for a second. A freeze, running down his spine, snapped him out of his plague and he turned to Radeel, fleeing the hatred to his front.

‘They're everything but smart. They've never been of that sort.’ The man looked at Radeel, a smile splattered on his face. ‘Only a blinded fool would disagree.’

Lou had to remind himself he wasn’t standing outside in the chilly breeze any longer. His fingers stiffened with the fall in temperature, his muscles suddenly weighed much heavier, and he felt his hairs at the back of his neck rising.

At second thought, he’d have preferred the windy wheat field to this. His eyes enrichened with the broad view, his soul sprouting with a sense of liberty, freed of the daggers shooting at him from around the room. Several flung at him, glances surely killing some tiny part of him. He raised his hands to his chest, clutching to the beating sting. He desperately held on to Deengar’s words of needing to calm down.

Radeel noticed, Lou noticed; he hadn't given an answer yet and something, warmly running through his veins, told him it wasn’t just Radeel’s glance that was resting on him. One, so certainly different in manner that it would've shattered his soul was he to look at it, was crushing down on him the longer Radeel didn’t continue.

‘How do you explain it then?’ Cein acted instead. Her warm voice made Lou’s head cock.

His breath hitched at the glance she gifted him. It was furrowed at her eyebrows, sympathy dangling of arisen lips as compassion pulled Lou's breaths to where his hands couldn't push them. The considerate act remained without explanation as Lou wasn’t given the chance to answer her smile.

The other vampire casually raised his hand of the backrest, flinging it in the air. ‘Oh, I don't have a clue and do not bother to take action upon me. There will be ones who come up with a convincing one and everyone will buy it.’

Radeel shifted and dragged Lou’s hand with him. The motion grabbed Lou’s attention, but Radeel wasn’t looking at him. His brows furrowed, and his eyes were flickering between the table and the man’s knee.

His head rose as the man continued, ‘It's not like I'm affected anyway.’

Radeel’s eyes widened, and he squeezed Lou’s hand. ‘Do you imply that none of you were hurt?’

‘I beg your pardon, but do you listen to anyone around you?’

Radeel didn’t answer, him and Cein only staring at the man in confusion.

He cocked an eyebrow in similar surprise. ‘Your station was the only one that was attacked.’

A swift blink covered Radeel’s brightened irises, but he quickly pressed his lips to a line and placed a mask on his face.

Cein leaned forward, the warmth in her voice replaced by a hectic breath as she looked at the man. ‘What station were you staying in?’

Lou didn’t grasp the name, or its location, but the details weren’t important as Cein’s answer told him what he needed to hear. ‘That’s almost directly next to ours! If someone had been scouting out the area, they’d surely have attacked you as well before the message of retreating could’ve reached you.’

She fumbled with a ring on her finger.

‘Like I said,’ he reminded her with a cruel smile. ‘I think I made myself clear. There's no possible chance any of the prey inside the village could've outsmarted us.’

Heels clattered against the floor as Cein placed her feet on the ground and pushed away from the chair. She extended a hand toward Radeel and gifted him a tight, brief squeeze before she excused herself and headed off. Her dress flattered up behind her and swung to her steps, the slimness of her fit Lou had thought to have spotted gone in the haste.

‘They simply lack everything that's needed to provide smartness,’ the man finalised his critique, a grin painted beneath his eyes when Radeel went to meet them.

He faked a smile. ‘Excuse me, but I think I haven't met you yet.’

‘The name's Elohsas, but you must call me Sas.’

The smile grew brighter, and Lou mused his muscles were surely aching under the tension counterfeiting what was called politeness. ‘But please, I haven't come over to talk about this stupid incident. It's over and done after all and of no further importance.’

His grimace didn’t falter as he contradicted himself. He smiled and turned to Lou. ‘I shouldn't judge those humans in such extent, I believe. As I was this interested in yours.’

Hate was a strong word. But even Lou was drawn to use it this instance, even though he usually stuck to a piece of advice, telling him to carry his words with reason, he had once been given. The date specifiable because he associated a couple of other feelings with the bygone evening.

Sas grinned as Radeel was staring at him, his silence misinterpreted as a permission to continue. ‘You know, the meeting down in the basement facilities has started already and I truly, for all I'm worth, wouldn't want to mingle among the crowd.’

Lou could watch how Radeel's façade slowly crumbled with every further word. The surface must've been thoroughly prepared since Radeel, although Lou knew how close he was to storming off, listened to Sas inquiry if he was willing to spare a tiny bit of Lou's self. ‘I just can’t see how something has struck your liking this greatly that you took him along.’

Radeel suddenly smiled. ‘I can't tell you.’

Sas’ grin froze on his face, the fakeness shining through, but Radeel continued, ‘You'll need to get his approval.’

Sas’ face dropped as if it had been nothing but a card house since the beginning. Eyes reflected the shining candles behind them as his pupils loosened, his lacking focus apparent in the bawling of his fist. When his glance returned, his mouth remained shut, breaths flying through enraged nostrils, twitching with disgust as he turned to Lou.

He didn’t pose his question a second time, and Lou didn’t answer him.  However, when he, once more, mistook their silence for approval, Lou shifted away from him. ‘I’d rather you wouldn’t.’

He fled Sas’ gaze, instead catching a glimpse of Radeel. A treacherous smile on his lips. One that would undoubtedly raise rumours around the estate.

Sas huffed and mumbled an insult under his breath before storming off, his hands buried inside the pockets on his pants.

Radeel glanced after him, but Lou didn’t let go off the smile on Radeel’s face, his own lips twitching briefly.

Just when a figure stepped toward the sofa behind Radeel’s back, his gaze snapped away. The man leaned forward onto the backrest, placed his hands atop another and threw one leg behind the other, lowering his head to Radeel’s level. ‘As playful as I remember. You haven't lost any spark over the decade.’

Fangs flashed as his lips rose to a laugh, and Radeel’s eyes sparked up.

‘Beltyir!’ Radeel jumped to his feet, and bodies crashed into each other once Beltyir had straightened. Lou was certain he heard bones shatter from the impact (– leaving out the bit where his imagination was simply a bit too lively.)

‘Let's be fair,’ Beltyir said while he was sitting down on the place Cein had left unoccupied, ‘someone, who storms off after needing to acknowledge that humans can, indeed, perform brainy actions, is a too easy target.’

Lou’s fingers rushed to Radeel’s coat the second he sat down next to him again. His lips possessed a metallic taste he could’ve done without. ‘Did.... did Liu not say my blood wouldn't taste good to other vampires? Why let me answer?’

His breathing calmed at Radeel’s glance, a colour of safety in his eyes.

‘Oh, yeah sure, it wouldn't have,’ Radeel laughed, lifting his knuckles to his lips to diminish his volume. ‘But it would've been funny to see his face.’

Beltyir laughed and attracted both their gazes. ‘When did I miss the part where you became this wicked?’

He fell silent, but his lips twitched in excitement and anticipation. ‘At least your attire is fitting for your behaviour. A beautiful monkey suit for the foul tricks.’

A cunning sound left Lou's lips, evaporating from somewhere he had no control over. He teared his hand away from Radeel's waist to cover his mouth, his other one too tightly curled around the sofa. He looked up at Radeel carefully, but the expression on his face sent him into another chuckle and he needed to avert himself.

Beltyir, everything but frightened of the alleged death threat in Radeel’s eyes, ready to slice pieces out of him, just smiled at him.

Yet, his glance travelled elsewhere. ‘And you are?’

Lou’s eyes widened a little as he turned to Beltyir, but he introduced himself with a smile.

It dropped when Beltyir squinted at him in thought. ‘And you're here because?’

‘Radeel asked me if I wanted to come along.’

Beltyir moved to glance at Radeel, some longer strands of hair forming a slight bulge above the hand on his temple.

‘I've heard the news running around the estate.’ His smile turned crooked for a second. ‘Always a pleasure listening to people making up stories when the truth is this simple.’

Radeel's smiled at Beltyir's remark, and Lou dared to look around the room again, his ears mingling with some quiet chatter of the people around them. Their voices kept their words hidden as if in possession of a precious stone, but, just as a gemstone's value was blandly obvious, their whispers of hate and disgust were clearer than Radeel’s amused answer to his side.

‘Please don't tell me about them. I've come across enough chit-chat for a while.’

A laugh accentuated his joke, and Beltyir leaned back against the rest.

Lou’s fingers rushed to his chest as their glances struck him, noticing what pumping strength reduced his ability to breathe. Only he had noticed, a glance revealing that Radeel and Beltyir were completely untouched by everyone’s stares.

They were used to it, he concluded – attempted to ease his own inability. Still, even if he had possessed the same experience, bestowing him with confidence and ignorance of certain words of gossip around them, he couldn't have changed his vulnerability. Their eyes, harbinger of what their claws would carry out had Radeel's guidance crumbled for a mere breath of his, made him sense an imaginative form of pain. His breaths heightened another time.

He flinched as Radeel placed their hands on his coat again, unable to return the gesture. Even as Radeel squeezed his hand, he couldn’t contract his muscles.

‘So, you've changed your mind?’ Beltyir interrupted his thoughts. ‘You must have, otherwise he wouldn't be here.’

His head tipped toward Lou, but Radeel forced his eyes to remain on Beltyir. ‘I...my understanding found alteration once I've realised some misleading of myself.’ His glance dropped to the volume of his voice, and the hand around Lou's fingers loosened. ‘Just a bit too late to... meet everyone's favour.’

Lou's glance wandered to Beltyir's face, but he stopped midway at a chain holding a lose coat. He responded with one another hearty eruption. ‘Oh please, hiding behind your words. You can do better, Radeel.’

Despite the laugh, his voice was soaked with seriousness.

Lou still studied the chain when Beltyir turned to him, and followed its lead up to his shoulder which was additionally covered by the fur of an animal. It seemed thin and old, likely made from a slain wolf, amateur craftsmanship at the very best, and yet, it added just the right breeze of youth to Beltyir, who looked much older than Radeel. The coat, appearing to have been self-made, played into Beltyir's ability of liberating whatever he set his eyes on. Lou was fascinated at the simplicity behind the ability; it didn't chime with his own experiences.

‘Lou?’ The origin of the call lay just above where his eyes rested. He answered with a flicker of his glance. ‘What's on your mind? You're eyeing me like some cat lurking in high grass.’

‘I'm sorry, you– ’ his breath hitched, but he calmed down as he reminded himself of the feeling he had observed just a few seconds ago. ‘You talk…differently, I didn’t expect you’d talk to me like this.’

Honest surprise was visible in Beltyir’s widening eyes.

‘Is there any reason for me not to?’ he asked and sent Lou’s unsure glance off to Radeel's.

Beltyir chuckled at their reaction. ‘Okay, fine. Whatever happened, you’ve found some reliance on each other.’

He leaned his temple against his hand again, his fur slightly budging. ‘Did you tell him about me?’

As Radeel denied him, his feet almost carried him up to the ceiling.

‘You don't dare!’ he hissed a whisper, eyes widening. His frown strengthened when Radeel didn't respond, conveying a playful sentiment of hurt, missing perfection just slightly at the twitch of his lips, unable to stay lowered to a line.

‘Taeslir said you were comrades,’ Lou pushed in between them, both determined to not break character.

‘Who was Taeslir again?’ Beltyir integrated Lou’s words into his act without second thought. ‘The one who never seems to get any of my sarcastic remarks, right?’

A quick glance approved his assumption as Radeel's lips had finally yielded and risen. He continued, ‘Well, at least he seemed responsible. So, he managed to tell you more about me than you did... honestly I'm hurt.’

‘Will you stop now, damn it,’ Radeel sighed and dropped his fingers to the bridge of his nose, some amused breaths escaping from under his palm despite the expression of annoyance.

‘I've hoped to see you actually because –‘ he extended his hand and bent down, his hand flipping dramatically– ‘if noble thee allows…’

He smiled up at Beltyir from this position, but his voice was serious. ‘Would you tell me why you were invited?’

Beltyir's smile grew bigger as Radeel adjusted back into place. He threw one leg over the other as he watched Radeel’s hand rushing back to Lou’s, placing both of them on his waist.

‘They say it’s to meet up again and get to know each other as it’s been quite the time since the last grand event,’ Beltyir explained and reached into his coat to flick out his invitation letter, demolished at its edges and smeared with all sorts of dried mud. ‘And the blood orgy of course.’

He snapped against it once with his index finger and let it slide back into his pocket.

‘We've just found out about offer now. Everyone's going nuts over it.’

Beltyir froze at Radeel’s comment, his hand still inside his coat.

‘Now, I'm seriously intrigued about what happened. You'll need to tell me the reason.’ He leaned back, the letter safely stored away. ‘Or should I ask Lou instead?’

He raised an eyebrow, the gaze chilling Lou in a different way. As he tried to look at Radeel for help, he had to find his expression similarly cold.

‘We shouldn't bring it up,’ Radeel said and pushed forward, his warning tone lost in his quietness, ‘at such an occasion. Don't you think, dearest friend?’

Radeel ignored the push against his side (or Lou thought he did, as the pressure couldn’t have escaped his notice). His whisper triggered what Lou had feared for, the voices and glances around him rising in volume and sharpness.

‘Why don't you tell us what you've been up to instead?’ Radeel requested, but Lou didn’t chase after his voice as he spotted Sas joining in on one of the ongoing conversations. His glares were directed at him whenever the crowed seemed to agree on something, and although Deengar's earlier reminder echoed from the back of his head, his other hand rushed up to cover his heart. Trying to shield off the pumping muscle, the rise in beating created a rise in breathing, creating a rise in beating, creating a rise in breathing, creating a rise in –

‘Oh, the usual, some errands here, some old encounter there and some ladies on the way. Oh, I'm telling you, just travel a bit more south than we already are and the ladies will take your breath.’

Lou tried to focus on Beltyir's answer. He failed.

‘Always out for the same plain things, what was I expecting,’ Radeel sighed, a smile visible in his voice, continuing with a question whether Beltyir had heard anything about his usual regards.

‘So, my assumption wasn't wrong. You're still up to the same. But the human…he's putting me off.’

Lou’s stomach churned. They couldn’t – why could they continue talking. He tried gulping at the blur in his eyes. The idea useless.

‘You can't have changed your mind to such extent,’ Beltyir whispered when Radeel finally glanced at Lou. ‘You're out of your mind on top, should you propose it at such a –’

‘Beltyir!’ Radeel interrupted him, lips shaking with soft puffs, eyes clinging to the other’s. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

Radeel's trembling laugh faded into Beltyir's plain expression. He shut his mouth with the knowledge of what Radeel couldn't tell him, and Lou’s eyes started flickering once more.

‘Well, you know how people get satisfied at simple rumours,’ Beltyir picked up the conversation at the question Radeel had posed. ‘Some claim to know the boss personally, some even suggest there isn't one to begin with.’

His eyes connected with Lou's for a second, but he faced avoidance on Lou's part. ‘Nothing that could satisfy my own thoughts and yours, therefore, all the less so.’

Knuckles lost the colour in his lap.

‘Well, you know how people – ‘Radeel tried to respond, but Lou cut him off.

‘Radeel?’ His hand pulled on his tailcoat. ‘Can…can we leave? Just for a second, please.’

He curled his freezing fingers around his coat, his head unwilling to look up.

Radeel turned back to Beltyir. ‘Would you excuse us?’

He rose and pulled on Lou’s arm without waiting for a reply.

‘Do take care, Radeel,’ Beltyir said and reached for him, catching Radeel’s wrist in his grip. ‘I must insist that we talk somewhere more quietly if your time allows it. Do not refuse an old buddy, yeah?’

Although the term Beltyir had used shared mutual understanding the approving smile Radeel forced to his lips wasn’t of friendly nature. His thoughts tumbled over each other, and he stormed off as soon as Beltyir let go of him.

Chapter Text

Pounding beats. Fleeing breaths. Stronger the longer they walked. Each way they went seemed of malicious spirit. People scattered even in these remote places. Radeel dragged him along, his heartbeat reaching a new high whenever another door opened another occupied room.

Lou tried to hold his breath, but failed as they finally reached a room that appeared empty and out of anyone’s hearing range. Perhaps a storage room, a wardrobe, he could spot scattered clothes. But a blur hurt his vision, apologies on his lips. ‘There isn’t even a reason. I’m sorry. ’

Stepping to his front, Radeel placed his hand on his arm and scanned the room. ‘You don’t need one. Try and calm down.’

Lou sobbed as Radeel pulled away. ‘I can’t make it stop.’

He yelped at the shake in his voice and pressed his fingers against his lips, his cheeks wettened.

‘What do you want me to do?’

Lou didn’t answer him. His lungs ached; his mind craved to empty itself. He knew he wouldn’t have known what to say. He sobbed as Radeel didn’t continue. His voice had felt distant as no more physical touch connected them. His vision blurred just from knowing he’d need to initiate another active thought – another wicked choice.

‘I don’t know. I don’t care,’ he breathed, but lost the tiny sound in the salty taste of his lips. He covered them with his hands, trying to stifle the awful sound of his voice. He failed in another choke. ‘Just bite me or something.’

‘What?’

‘Can’t breathe. Just –…just do something you would’ve done in the past to make me shut up.’ Lungs shattered at the end of his sentence. His tongue tumbled over itself when Radeel worriedly called his name. ‘Please, just – I don’t want to…– I can’t choose – just do something.’

His throat was burning – or was it his head? His sobs deafened another call of his name. He didn’t know what he –

He gasped as Radeel pushed him against the wall. Coughing against the dryness in his throat, he eyed Radeel’s shoulder. Blurred, despite widened eyes, his vision didn’t grant him what he’d sought. He sobbed at the stupidity of his own request, his neck aching with an imagined bite.

‘I won’t bite you,’ Radeel clarified, his face turned away so not even his breath hit his skin. ‘Not if you don’t tell me it’s alright…and surely not here.’

A knot formed in his chest, and Lou was certain, as contradicting as that sounded to himself, it was one of relief. It held together what his sobs had loosened.

Radeel budged a little, but Lou didn’t care. His arms were still trapping him to the wall. His hands next to his shoulders. It was enough.

‘And I won’t force you to calm down like this,’ Radeel continued. ‘So, if you don’t indicate me that this is fine, I won’t–’

Lou didn’t let him finish, pulling himself closer. Fingers curled around Radeel’s coat. The idea of his presence vanishing colder than the fabric underneath his fingertips. He closed his eyes as he leaned closer, his forehead nuzzled into Radeel’s collarbone. He sobbed again. A pain coming from his pride, crumbling at the easy comfort he found in this.

Radeel carefully lifted one hand off the wall, his fingertips only ghostly tracing comfortableness over Lou’s skull. His palm was hovering over his temple.

‘I’m sorry,’ Lou whispered.

‘Don’t be. Some were really…mean out there.’

‘It’s not that. I just…– I don’t know what I want.’

‘I don’t quite follow.’

Lou’s fingers tightened around Radeel’s shirt. Hesitating with an answer, he remembered how he had told Yppha he didn’t know how to react to Radeel’s attempts at understanding. He hadn’t even told Yppha everything, the truth sharp like broken glass, cutting him whenever he dared to touch it. How was he supposed to tell Radeel? Yet, he knew that Radeel would mistake his silence for anxiety shouldn’t he answer and pull away.

He took another sharp inhale, ‘I know what I want…, but the next moment I’ll –… I’ll hate myself because of it.’

Radeel pulled away. His fingers off his scalp. Lou flinched but didn’t chase after him. He only looked up at him, a burn straining his eyes, no mirror of need to ascertain the reddened colour tracing through his eyes.

A smile briefly flickered around Radeel’s lips before he turned away, Lou’s gaze chasing after him. He lowered himself to the floor while Lou wiped his knuckles over his eyes.

‘Come on,’ Radeel said as he was fully seated, tipping his head to the side. ‘It’s calmer down here.’

A chuckle bubbled to Lou’s throat. He slid down the wall. His heart still in his chest; the smile on his lips calmed and frightened him equally, unsure how to feel about the gesture he hadn’t believed Radeel would ever aim for.

As his lips sank, he looked away and reminded himself of the conversations he had had with Yppha. A single kind gesture wasn’t to redeem what they’d done. He knew just as Radeel knew. And still, the gesture weighed softer on his heart than he had believed it would. Realising that it was upon him to keep the little flame enlightened, he let his glance sway.

‘I just don’t know if I like what I’m doing,’ he started, fingers placed over another, their lightness heavy in his lap. ‘Or if I even want to tell you this right now…although, right now, it seems like the right thing to do.’

‘You don’t solely try to stay alive any longer,’ Radeel said, glancing at the door when Lou’s eyes followed his voice. ‘Your decisions were based in the moment for well over two months. Now, they’re drawing arguments from a future perspective.’

His eyes gained a twitch as if on the search for the right spot to calm down at. ‘And inevitably you’ll face regret although the decision was to your liking.’

Lou traced his fingers over another, listening more to the sound than the content of Radeel’s words. His fingertips felt numb, an ache in his bone. Was he really trying to understand his situation?

As Radeel glanced at him again, he raised his knuckles to his lips and hastened to sit down beside Lou. His back against the wall, one leg angled at the knee, he put his elbow on his thigh. His glance far off in the room.

‘Don’t listen to my advice.’ He was calmer. Although his fingers were trembling. ‘I don’t deserve that you possibly listen to any of it.’

His glance was flickering between two pieces of clothing to their front.

Lou smiled sadly. ‘You’re pitying yourself quite often.’

He had had the thought before, but it had never bothered him.

He knew why Radeel had said those words. He knew he was supposed to feel the regret he was feeling. Yet he didn’t want to leave him alone with those thoughts. Maybe, he just wanted Radeel to admit his hurt to him. (Maybe, he just wanted to let Radeel know that he knew.)

‘No, that’s not,’ Radeel said, turning to Lou. ‘I just don’t know what else to say to…make you understand my regret.’

Lou smiled as he heard what he’d wanted to hear. ‘I notice. Don’t think I wouldn’t.’

Radeel answered him with a twitch of his lips, his eyes falling to his lap, deprived of their flicker. In silence, thoughts slowly put themselves back together. Once he had fetched one, Lou smiled weakly and looked at Radeel. ‘You’re quite popular among everyone.’

Radeel replied with a laugh.

‘Most people are just interested in chitchat,’ he said and placed his elbow on his knee, his temple quickly on his palm. He almost possessed an impossible air of fatigue. ‘That they can call you a comrade and everything, should something happen.’

Lou’s smile grew, and he hummed in response, feeling compelled to gift Radeel’s tired stance some encouragement.

‘Cein reached out to me with a letter about a week after the attack. We had spoken before that as well some time, but I fear she didn’t get to pose her questions today…’ His smile weakened as his eyes followed Lou’s weak push from the wall. He placed himself so that they were facing each other, his legs crossed over another.

‘The way you talked to her seemed,’ Lou said, but hesitated, ‘no, not manipulative, you just know how to get what you want.’

He thought back to Radeel answering Cein’s first question and tried to straightened himself. As lungs ached in response, he only budged his shoulders back a little.

‘Cein’s responsibility for her people could benefit us,’ Radeel explained. ‘It’s also something I can work with when trying to convince her.’

Lou looked up at him, taken by surprise at how their search for possible allies had already begun when their goal seemed this far away. After all, everyone had stated their thoughts outside, directly or the opposite, and he didn’t think Radeel had time for such a search.

‘I just don’t know how much I can trust her,’ he continued, leaning his head against the wall. The fatigue slipping to distress as he placed his outstretched arm on his knee. ‘She’s still dependent on the system. Spilling our entire idea could backfire.’

‘You were different out there.’

Radeel glared at him at his comment.

‘I have my own reputation to live up to,’ he said. His words were shining with the light accusation of not grasping the caution they needed to maintain. ‘I can’t just act all differently around Cein than how I’ve presented myself before – ‘he stopped for a second – ‘meeting you.’

As he turned away, Lou smiled. ‘I was talking about your interaction with the other lady.’

Careful, oh careful, playfulness danced around his lips. His smile turned into an amused huff of air when Radeel grunted in response.

‘Oh, please don’t. It’s a drag.’

He still laughed and pressed fingers against his temple.

‘It’s not even her alone,’ he grunted, his back loosening as much as his coat allowed, and leaned forward. He bent into a small hump, pushed his elbows down on his crossed legs, and threw one hand vigorously into the air in front of him. ‘Some foot soldiers have thrown themselves at me as well…with much less decency than her.’

He stemmed his hand against his head, fingers pressed against either of his temples. Mumbling on about their behaviour, descriptions slowly slipped to curses, and Lou’s smile turned audible, attracting Radeel’s gaze. One of his hands needed to pull toward his forehead for Lou’s face to be visible, his back bending even further at the unusual position.

‘What?’

‘You seem more like yourself now.’

A sigh fell from Radeel’s lips, deprived of any acting spirit. ‘It’s not like I can just tell her how much of an annoying hag she is.’

Lou laughed harder and stemmed his hands to his ankles, his lungs aching in reply.

Radeel straightened too. ‘She’s the perfect example of how they got this many people to attend though. We’re all longing for blood – I can in no way blame anyone – and like Beltyir told us, the offer in some of the letters gave them a reason to come here. Though it’s weird that Beltyir received one that mentioned it. He won’t participate, I know, and they do too.’

‘You changed when Beltyir showed up,’ Lou said. ‘It seemed like you were more comfortable around him.’

‘No, Beltyir’s just…I don’t know,’ Radeel tried to underline his denial with a shake of his head. His eyes picked up on a careful flicker. ‘He’s always been different. Never participates in any fight that involves injustice and constantly swarms around every type of group.’

Radeel searched for Lou’s eyes, only continuing when he gained his glance on him. ‘He’s simply not devoted to any task like we are. If he thinks he should be of help, he’ll be there. If not, you can refrain from trying to convince him. That’s how I’ve met him. During a mission he found justified. Those battles usually targeted vampires who were going against the boss’s wishes by eradicating too many humans. We talked over some –’ His voice faded, and he fled Lou’s glance – ‘I don’t want to call it ‘meal’, but I think that’s what you could mostly picture.’

His gaze returned with a pained film. ‘Whenever we had, he insisted on letting the human go, on keeping them alive. I had learned to call him my friend and had therefore always accepted his request.’

He looked away again, Lou’s glance filled with emotions he didn’t want to face. ‘I’ve never really understood his wish and only showed interest in his advice an awful long time too late.’

Lou admitted he had lost control over his glance a little while Radeel was speaking. The small insight in, fortunately past, ideas of how he had been thinking and living was too much for his face to stay rested. The pause Radeel needed to take was, hence, rooted on his seeds, but he didn’t blame himself as he knew Radeel had known and accepted what his explanation would cause when he had let his eyes flicker around the room.

‘And he’s pushy – I had dreaded for a second out there,’ Radeel picked up the conversation, his lips rising to an uneasy smile. ‘His mind’s wicked if he’s curious…not innately in a bad way. He’s just persistent.’

Radeel’s eyes suddenly chased to Lou’s. He merely smiled as he noticed his silent question. The gesture, as it denied his inquiry whether he was drifting off, sufficed to let a smile spring to Radeel’s lips.

‘And even if he’d love our idea, I couldn’t have possibly told him about it here.’ Hurt was visible in his words of longing. To let Beltyir know he had changed to an image that reached his liking. ‘He noticed…maybe he even already grasped everything as he talked with you.’ A smile reached his lips. ‘That must be why he requested another talk someday.’

‘And the other vampire?’ Lou felt the need to push Radeel’s thoughts away.

‘Don’t ask me who that was,’ Radeel answered him. ‘I’ve never heard of him and never need to again.’

Lou chuckled, and Radeel quietly joined in on the noise, its echo running along the walls. When lungs craved a breath, he fell silent.

‘It was smart that you reacted that way. He’ll surely not approach me for some time,’ Radeel added, his lips reluctantly letting go of their smile.

Lou used their silence to adjusted the bandages around his arm. They likely weren’t needed any longer, but he had still requested a new set of slings around his arm before they had left. Marks were still visible, undoubtedly to remain on his skin for another week, if not a lifetime, should Liu’s ‘scar-proof’, as they had called it, magic not work. The other reason was his learned liking to the fabric; it reminded him of what he had managed.

‘Radeel?’ He waited until their glances met. ‘What Sas said?’

‘Why are all these people invited if only one station was taken out?’ Radeel guessed what his question could’ve been. He leaned back and sighed a little. ‘Keep the ‘strengthening our bond’ in mind. They want to maintain the perfect system.’

(Lou smiled at Radeel’s change of tone at the word ‘perfect’.)

Radeel stared at the ceiling as he continued, ‘They could’ve done that from afar though. They’ve done so before. And on top, why weren’t the other stations betrayed as well? The attack could’ve still been issued even after we were taken out.’

‘You didn’t know about them, right?’

‘No…I have a feeling Cein didn’t either,’ Radeel answered, eyes returning as he pushed his back against the wall. ‘We were just assuming the other attacks were similarly fatal, as we hadn’t received any messages from the other stations…or at least a report from Treces.’

Lou fumbled with the idea of positioning himself against the wall. Radeel interrupted him by asking if he was feeling better.

‘Yeah, yeah. I…– when Deengar leaned in earlier and told me about my heart beating too fast, I panicked even further. He did it on purpose…but you already know that.’ He chuckled lightly, fingers intertwining with each other in his lap. ‘Everyone was looking at me. It’s just…even when you were talking with Cein and Beltyir. Every now and then, but still….I’ve forgotten what it felt like. Or I simply tried to ignore the parts of me that still remembered.’

He looked up, catching a glance at Radeel’s eyebrows bending above his glance. It sufficed to let him push against the wall in a hurry, fleeing his gaze.

‘You mentioned Treces,’ Lou robbed Radeel his chance to comment on his words. ‘Deengar doesn’t seem to like him.’

‘Oh, Treces isn’t all too fond of Deengar either,’ Radeel said and pulled his knee closer to his chest, his back sliding down a bit. ‘We’ve never got a reason for their mutual hatred. It just emerged. Almost on sight.’

‘He’s…a bit odd.’ Lou chuckled uneasily.

‘Why do you think Liu and him get along?’ Radeel said and managed to replace Lou’s chuckle with a genuine laugh. ‘He’s also much older than all of us. I don’t know the exact number though.’

‘What did you tell Liu earlier?’ Lou wanted to know after he had caught his voice. ‘You only brushed past their arm, and they immediately rushed off to somewhere. Yppha did something similar.’

‘We’ve developed non-verbal codes over the years,’ Radeel explained, his head turning. ‘Either we all know about them, or we have ones with each other, but what’s crucial is that no third party knows about them. We mainly use it during occasions like these…letting each other know of what we think or want without letting anyone else do.

‘I told Liu to go and hear around some people in the backroom we were facing. Yppha had told  me that he thought Trisse was lying. I agree; there’s absolutely no way they found proof of those wild vampire nests. It’s just to keep the attention elsewhere.’

‘So, Liu should be running around the crowd now, coming after your request?’ Lou asked after he had expressed his liking of their concept since, to his own narrow horizon of people to look back to, it appeared a delightful intimacy between them, certain to grant them a stronger bond than they already possessed.

‘Knowing them, they long forgot about that,’ Radeel laughed in reply, hoping Liu had at least come to speak with two or three people before his assignment had flown away with their thoughts. ‘As they’d asked him earlier, I believe they should be pushing through the crowd right now in search of Treces.’

Radeel smiled, exhaustion pulling on his lips, and added the night was buzzing after all, and Liu’s usual excitement was sure to have dragged them away – both on Radeel’s and their own plan for the event.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Contrary to his belief, Liu had gone after his request. But just as everyone else, their findings were of no satisfying quality. The bits of information they had squeezed out of the guests were scarce, as everyone was mainly drawn in by their detailed descriptions of experiments and rituals. To Liu’s trained hands and eyes, they were of cheap and conventional method, but to everyone else they sounded like the most ghastly ideas they’d ever heard of. In the end though, their dislike of the crowd, even when this many people listened to them and asked for their knowledge, was what led them away from Radeel’s task.

They were pushing their way through some people now as they had heard some whispers about how Treces hadn’t been spotted anywhere the entire night. Shaking excited faces off their tail, they walked upstairs.  

They knew just well enough how the intrusion of the upper stories already smelled of consequences. Treces had told them off once, but they had never approved his warning. Just as their own safety mattered little to them, they didn’t care about the scolding they were to receive as they spotted Treces around the corner they’d just taken. They called out to him, and he turned around, some piled-up boxes swaying with his move. Arms were securely strapped around them, and Liu froze as they noticed the vials and substances sticking out from the one on top.

‘Oh…I – are you busy?’ they asked. Before Treces could’ve answered, their glance on the materials disappeared and their smile brightened. ‘You changed your fit!’

They eyed the light-grey, novel suit. His shoulders freed of his earlier mantle.

‘Oh, yeah it’s – ’ Treces started but hesitated. Only when Liu’s eyes met his, he picked up some volume. ‘You know…different fits for different occasions. The welcoming part is over.’

Liu grinned in response, a warmth radiating from the expression. Treces responded with an uneasy smile, and they fled his glance, hands indecisively fumbling with a loose thread of their coat.

‘Are you busy?’ they mumbled,

‘No, it’s fine, come on in,’ Treces answered and headed to the door to his room.

Liu knew where to place their steps, the bond they tried strengthening with every visit leading the way. Treces’ heel tipped against the door, and Liu caught it before they stepped after him, eyes running over the room after they had pushed the door shut.

Some new items and devices caught their eyes, and they rushed forward for inspection. The closer they investigated, the sooner the room appeared to be pushed to its limit. It was more spacious than their own and much higher, as cupboards loomed at the walls, the glass bowls and gadgets on top only reachable with a ladder. They had called it a library once, just without books, as it reminded them of Taeslir’s huge bookshelves in his room. Taeslir’s backroom held even more of those shelves, but they were never allowed in there, as that room stored the ‘important documents’.

They turned back to Treces picking items from the box he’d carried. Varying from ampules and bottles to crystallin objects, they clattered against his metallic worktable. Liu frowned at the noise, but let their fingers run over a long desk in the middle of the room. The cleanness of the surface and the tiny bottles placed in specifically designed holders made their nose turn up. They’d need to disrupt this stern lining if they were to get Treces’ approval on their question.

As if he had smelled it, Treces asked for their concern, his back facing them when they turned around. Steps carried them forward as he picked another few potions from the boxes.

‘I didn’t find the time to seek – ‘ Treces started, but froze when Liu jumped onto the desk to his right. Their weight thumped against his eardrums, and some scattered bottles clattered against metal. His fingers shook around the handles of one box, and he turned to Liu expressing a satisfied sigh.

He glared at them. ‘I told you not to sit on my experimenting desk.’

‘I’m careful,’ Liu pouted and rolled their eyes, their glance striking his. ‘And I’m not as heavy as you make me out to be’

Arms crossed over each other with a huff, but as Treces didn’t answer, their lips pulled into a smile. They stemmed their arms against the table behind them, eyes running over the hanging shelves at the opposite side of the room.

‘Don’t worry.’ They smiled, eyes flickering back to the other. ‘I won’t destroy it.’

He still didn’t react.

They rolled their eyes and leaned forward in one swift motion, fingers bending a little as they extended their hand to Treces’ face. Tenderly, they brushed the blond bundle of hair away from his eye, a smile pushing them behind his ear.

‘I like your eyes, don’t know why you hide them,’ they repeated the words they had given him every single time they had been alone in the past and sat back down. ‘Don’t know why you keep them a secret.’

Their fangs flashed through a grin.

Treces was blinking at them, the silvern colour of his other eye hidden behind fluttering eyelids, his eyelashes almost black at this eye. He turned away and closed his eyes completely once, an inhale trembling over his lips.

Liu carefully reached for him as his breaths barely stilled the frenzy of his glance. His knuckles whitening around his grip on the box. When he looked up at them again, a glassiness shimmered in his eyes.

Liu retreated their hand as he didn’t usually react like this. Words of worry dancing on their tongue.

‘Well,’ he laughed weakly, hair falling back into his face, cutting Liu off before they had even started, ‘get off my desk.’

He brushed his hair out of his face and pushed them to the side.

Getting off on their own, their lips were still toying with the idea of questioning his behaviour, but Treces asked what they wanted once more, his fingers moving into the box. Liu beamed with excitement, their worry as good as forgotten, ‘I’ve picked up the physical strengthening ritual again, even though you said it wasn’t needed!’

They received a sharp glance, but casually leaned against the table. ‘I experienced on myself, and that’s not prohibited.’

Treces’ glance changed, a spark in his purple eye. ‘And?’

‘What ‘and’? I’m still trying to perfect it, but I’ve improved, of course. I had to deal with some aftermath, but nothing I can’t handle.’

Treces’ excitement turned into a frown, then to something even more depressing. The two differing dots weren’t sparking anymore. With this lifeless change, Liu didn’t need to wait for Treces’ words to know what he was thinking.

‘Whatever the result, if I don’t receive permission to use it, your work will end in vain.’ He dropped one of the ampules on the table, and his breath hitched at the clattering sound. His fingers rushed after it, checking on cracks. ‘You should leave the research be.’

‘That’s why I haven’t told anyone, though,’ Liu mumbled. ‘I don’t want to use it as a wide-range weapon anymore. Just for myself.’

From the corner of their eye, Liu saw how Treces’ glance jerked back to them. They met it, smiling. ‘But I need help with something.’

‘No one knows about it?’ Treces ignored them. An ampule was resting in his hand, fingers delicately wrapped around it though his grip seemed far from tender. He was stroking his finger over the smooth surface, his eyes widening.

‘No, no, I was careful,’ Liu answered, fingers lightly scratching over a spot on their arm. ‘Well, you know now, and Lou does, but he didn’t tell anyone. I’m sure.’

Treces still stared at them, but raised his eyebrows and moved the ampule from one hand to the other.

‘The human?’ Liu whispered, their eyes darkening.

Treces fled their glance and placed the ampule inside a prepared holder. ‘Oh yes, right… – what do you need help with?’

‘Tell me what you are working on. That’s a lot of liquids over there…and some hardened stuff as well,’ Liu, in return, ignored him as they moved to his other side, snatching a glance and hand at the mentioned items.

‘I just want to perfect some curing methods,’ Treces answered, unable to keep himself from side-eyeing Liu. Before he continued, his glance returned to the almost empty box, hands crawling into the handles as his voice became distant. ‘And some desirable biproduct would be a cure to pigment errors.’

Liu sighed, eyes toying around with an ampule they had picked up. ‘I really don’t get it, Treces. People don’t care half as much about your eye colours than you think they do.’

They turned their head to catch Treces’ glance and smiled. ‘Well, I do, but just because I think they’re pretty.’

Their gaze flickered between his eyes, gifting the same amount of time to each of them. They couldn’t have chosen one over the other, even if they had been forced to. Most of their rituals required the usage of sight, visual sensory often what their techniques were based on, and as they would’ve failed, had Treces hidden one of his eyes, they liked them most in combination with each other. And by that, they didn’t understand why he decided to hide them.

Treces’ glance lunged away once more although they were merely eyeing him. Liu blinked, catching Treces breathing a bit stronger, his fingers rushing up to rub over his neck, which was covered by a cravat he had pulled up to his chin.

‘Okay, okay,’ Liu continued, excitement splattering from the clap of their hands. ‘Do you still have that liquid stocked? You know, the one I asked you about last time?’

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

‘You’re just too good at this,’ Deengar sighed as feet carried them away from the masses of people.

‘At what?’ Taeslir asked, his tone playful.

‘Getting everyone to tell you something,’ Deengar mumbled, bodies moving behind a corner after a few glances had checked it for any vampires. ‘Having a way with words.’

They had been running around several crowds of people, each different, either considering the region, style of etiquette, or ranking, and had followed Yppha’s and Liu’s proceedings of asking around the guests. Well, those two and Taeslir handled the situation with negotiating, compliments, and stories of nostalgic times, which neither of them really longed for anymore. Deengar turned to the more blatant means of interrogating, his questions never to receive an answer. Most people had left the conversation when he had joined, idle chitchat interrupted by stubborn remarks, lacking every nuance of gracefulness that would’ve fed into their faked contentment.

Deengar’s vocabulary wasn’t to blame. Many regular guests recognised him from his usage of slurs alone, while newer ones embraced his vulgarity whenever it was directed at the common fiend. What put everyone off, and left eyes struck with blizzards of horror, was Deengar’s incapability of reading the situation. Taeslir smoothly slithered around every joke and implication the others gifted them, even if he failed at sarcasm, and though Deengar had watched him, eyes always quickly averting in fear of getting caught whenever the other had noticed his stare, he couldn’t compare to his ability.

The reason was simple. Either he didn’t grasp the jokes, their feinted laughter dawning before the joke had been anywhere near its peak, or they simply took too long. Patience wasn’t something Deengar held dear, and he more than once found himself growing bored of the conversation as it went on and on with no goal in sight.

Taeslir managed. Perfectly. His façade never broke just as the lock of the others’ eyes on him hardly ever did. His words only turned richer the longer everyone’s turn lasted, and when their sentence turned to something no normal ears could’ve comprehended, Deengar blurted out his own views, sparing beautifications and mindless drivelling.

‘You’re simply too direct for interactions like this. You need to juggle with everyone’s opinions a little,’ Taeslir commented, sparing Deengar the visible reaction of a grin he had already needed to refrain from when his earlier exclamation had almost made the entire crowd around them scatter.

Deengar hummed absentmindedly, his glance nowhere near Taeslir, and his mind even less so as he tried to pick up as little as possible from his advice. The thought of possessing means of speech like Taeslir’s mutuals had done made his fists tighten at his hips, his nose turning up. He preferred what Taeslir had once called ‘a repulsively brawling usage of words’, and was fine with talking to people off at the sides.

Soldiers frequently lined up there, while more rarely, just like earlier, some higher ranked commanders joined them with whom Deengar had his own chitchat. Yet, those people hardly ever knew anything, mostly relying on rumours Deengar was at risk of reading into if Taeslir didn’t clear them right after he had told him.

‘You know,’ Taeslir piped up and traced his fingers over some loose strand of his hair. It stuck out from the bundled hair on the back of his head and was curling down his temple like a wave in the far distance of a darkened ocean, ‘maybe you should read some books. It would surely help that small brain of yours.’

Taeslir could’ve refrained from the light gesture on his hair as Deengar pushed him against the chilling tapestry without even properly looking at the gesture. Trapping him by the wrist, he placed his fingers on his throat.

On instinct, Taeslir curled his hand into Deengar’s shirt when the coldness tightened around his throat. He glared at him as he denied him his breath, the daring flame lost in Deengar’s stare at him. His glance flickered to Taeslir’s smile.

With a sigh, he closed his eyes and loosened his grip. ‘You’d be long dead, Tae, hadn’t I got this thing for you.’

He kept his fingers slung around him, denying the idea of being released just yet.

Taeslir grinned up at him as he had slid down a bit. ‘What thing?’

His teeth shone through panting breaths. Frowning as Deengar pulled away, he listened to the sigh that fell from his lips. His hand slipped off Taeslir’s arm, and he stepped back.

‘If you’re this eager, just tell me and I’ll throw you right on the fucking floor,’ he muttered, locked eyes with Taeslir, noticing how pupils widened and a breath hitched at his throat, but turned around to follow the corridor. ‘But we need to get going.’

Taeslir ran after him.

Deengar’s hands were buried in his pockets as he continued, frustration holding them deep inside of them. ‘None of them told us anything useful after all.’

‘I think none of the attendees have a clue.’

Deengar hardly hummed in response. His head hung low, eyes watching the carpet, which gained in colour the further they went, halls becoming less and less frequented. As they continued down the hallway, the chattering of the crowd in the main hall finally faded away. Their feet carried them further, aiming to fully retreat from their enlarged field of hearing.  

‘You heard them,’ Taeslir continued. ‘Most of the letters were ill-written, especially the ones sent to whomever wasn’t part of the attack.’

His voice rose higher now, but Deengar replied exactly like before, his glance thrown straight ahead, immovable by Taeslir’s words.

Taeslir fell silent for a second, and Deengar’s head cocked at him visibly cherishing the gift they didn’t receive that often. Apart from their heartbeats, no disturbing noise reached to their ears, and as neither of them saw the low steady beats as such a sound, they dwelled in this little comfort.

‘You know,’ Taeslir piped up again, and placed a lightness on his voice, ‘the offer was quite tempting.’

Deengar froze, and Taeslir tumbled over his own steps, the abruptness creating about half a meter of  distance between them. But the space didn’t matter. Deengar could’ve reached him even if he was standing at the far end of the corridor.

He grabbed his arm and pushed him into the next available room and against the wall. Leaning over him, one hand pushed down on his shoulder so that his legs bent on their own. Lips connected, hardly a breath between them, and Taeslir pressed into him. He gasped when he pushed him up the wall.

A hand slithered over his hip and squeezed his thigh. Deciding to sling a leg around Deengar’s hip, Taeslir could feel him smile against their kiss, deliberately drawing a whine from his throat.

Deengar was holding him down at his shoulder when, at the same time, he had pushed him against the wall so that his shoe was merely brushing over the floor. The grip on his thigh was the only reason he stayed upright. As Deengar’s grasp tightened right where he wanted it to, he yelped. He threw his head against the wall, some strands of his updo loosening over his temple.

Deengar used the opportunity to run his lips over his neck, wetting the places of heated skin. Taeslir threw his hands over his shoulders, clawing at as much fabric as he could reach.

As Deengar pulled on him by his ass, he jumped, feeling Deengar’s fingers at the back of his neck holding him down. Warningly, he squeezed his muscles as he tried to dodge the pressure on his throat. Forced to lean back, he closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath.

Just that, Deengar pulled away at his reaction. Tracing his fingers over Taeslir’s throat, soft and careful, vastly too different from what his touches usually left on his skin, he made him lower his glance again. A furrow over his forehead.

As he met Deengar’s satisfied grin, he realised he’d made a mistake. He choked on a quiet gasp as Deengar cupped his throat with his hands, his lips pressing against his again.

Taeslir quietly moaned against their kiss, the pressure increasing on his windpipe. Huffing lightly, Deengar pulled away and pressed his kisses along Taeslir’s jawline instead. With his other hand, he pulled on his waist, drawing another moan from Taeslir as he thrust his hips against him.

With the kisses around his neck, Taeslir didn’t hesitate to add whispered pleas to his panting, but no sentence ever reached completion. Deengar rolled his hips in a way he knew would shut him up. Or, well, the opposite.

He felt Deengar smiled against the muscles burning at his neck as he called out his name. Sucking at his neck, he earned himself another moan, the skin beneath his lips bruising like Taeslir breathlessly asked for. At another moan, Deengar pressed into him, his fang scratching over his neck, tracing his lips to the spot behind his ear.

‘Deengar, fuck…please, just – .’

It sufficed to make Deengar give in.

He pulled away, watching how Taeslir plopped down and pressed his hand against the wall to steady the impossible. Before he could’ve fallen, he put his hands underneath him, pushing him against the wall with both hands on his ass.

Taeslir gasped, but wrapped his legs around him, trying to budge forward and into him. When Deengar held him in place, he whined, but slung his arms over his shoulders. He wouldn’t show kindness now after he’d begged for him, Taeslir knew; he knew what the colour was to lie on his thighs at Deengar’s strength. He grasped right at his bones. Leaning over Deengar, he clawed at the back of his head to feint the feeling of being held up by his own power. Deengar chuckled in response.

The noise made his breath falter, and he turned away to catch his breath. It allowed him to catch a faint noise at the door, but he didn’t bother to check on it. His own heart was beating stronger than the one outside, the scratch of a shoe over the carpet meant nothing.

He gasped as Deengar ran his lips over some spot behind his ear. ‘Make some more noise, Tae.’

‘What?’

He grunted when Deengar pushed into him, his eyes shooting open as he picked him up. Deengar stemmed his weight against his, and placed him at the ninety-degree attaching wall.  

‘I said–’ his breath sailed over his neck –‘make yourself noticeable.’

Glassy eyes met his glare, confusion written over Taeslir’s face. That didn’t stop him from pressing his lips together and pushing his voice into his throat.

He smiled as Deengar’s eyes widened in surprise, but pushed his head back against the wall and close his eyes as he faked another moan. He heard Deengar grunt and swallowed a chuckle, a shiver in his spine when he suddenly rolled his hips against him. He genuinely gasped for air as he pumped into sensitive area. As he started grinding against him, his eyelids fluttered open, and his stare hit an awed expression of their earlier ‘interrupting noise’.

Two eyes were peeking through a crack of the door.

The figure ran off before Taeslir could’ve recognised or remembered the face, and the door creaked open. Deengar cocked his head at the sound, no warning escaping him as he dropped Taeslir and rushed off.  

Tumbling, he stemmed his hand against the wall and tried to catch his breath. His head cocked up at Deengar’s voice ringing from outside.

‘Where do you think you’re going?’ he asked after he had finally got a hold of the other.

‘I didn’t see anything!’ the man yelped, hands swinging up in defence as Deengar stepped closer.

His heartbeat and fangs revealed him to be a vampire, his garments representing the colour of the estate made him a local one. Deengar’s eyes lit up. He matched what they were searching for. (Or had been searching for.)

‘Please excuse my imprudence and don’t let yourself be bothered by me,’ the guard added, his lips rising into a shaky smile as his fingers cramped to conceal their tremble.

‘You didn’t see anything?’ Deengar grinned, his head leaning to the side, lips rising even higher. ‘That’s too bad. You wouldn’t know what my offer of joining us would be about then?’

Feet carried the soldier backward. ‘I possibly couldn’t – ‘

‘You could not?’ Taeslir interrupted him, the room enrichened with his presence after the mere blink of an eye.

He brushed his fingers through the loose bundle of hair that had fallen over his shoulder. His other hand reached out to him, fingertips feinting hesitance. His eyebrows rose when he touched his arm. A pout.

Deengar huffed in amusement before he approached the guard again. He pulled up behind him, his hands placed on his shoulders, and pushed him into the room they had left. After they had closed the door this time, Taeslir traced his fingers over the guard’s shoulder blade and strutted past him, eyes encouraging him to calm down as their glances met.

Suddenly, he found the confidence to push against Taeslir, pinning him to the wall. Lips clung to his neck, and hands started rummaging over his body.

Deengar, still standing in the middle of the room, only looked at them in confusion. Watching Taeslir’s mien drop, he raised an eyebrow. Still, he answered Taeslir’s quiet call for help with a smile. Taeslir noticed his amusement, his expression changed, the glare now telling of consequences should Deengar decide to ignore him.

Rolling his eyes, Deengar placed his hand on the guard’s shoulder, his fingers tracing over his neck to his jaw. A flick of his wrist sufficed to make him face him, his lips pulled off in the same move. He pulled on his waist, his lightness easily compensating for his stiffness as he pulled him to the wall next to Taeslir. He didn’t hesitate in placing his lips on his jaw, the chance to object to this position fading into thin dust.

Taeslir exhaled in relief and turned to the guard, his voice lighter as his hands worked their way to his stomach. ‘You know who we are, don’t you?’

Deengar smiled softly, watching Taeslir reach for the guard’s shirt, fingers curling to loosen it.

‘How – how could I not?’ he responded, breath hitching when Taeslir tore his neat fit apart and flung his hand underneath his clothes.

Deengar raised an eyebrow. ‘So, you know everyone? That’s what you mean?’

‘Deengar, please,’ Taeslir threw his head into his neck, their eyes locking with another for an understanding smile. ‘How should he know everyone? There’re simply too many.’

‘Yeah, it was just a thought,’ Deengar shrugged before he placed his hands anew, the guard’s shoulder and jaw stabilised by his grip, and closed the gap between them, his lips pressing against pieces of skin. He stayed down at his neck. The images of how he had managed to drain Taeslir’s pleasure within a second were enough for his tongue to detest to ever as much as brush past his lips.

‘But a good guard would know such things…at least from what I’ve heard,’ Deengar continued, taking a pause, and shifted as Taeslir sank lower for his lips to touch the guard’s abdomen.

‘I’m…I am a good guard, though.’

‘Nobody is denying that, poor thing,’ Deengar whispered, lips pressing against the spot under his ear, as he brushed his thumb over his jawline. ‘But as a good guard you could at least tell us why everyone’s really here today, right?’

‘I…I can’t –,’ he tried to deny Deengar’s request on insights, but his breath hitched at the sharpness tracing past his stomach. With Taeslir on his knees, he needed to use both hands to steady himself.

He tried to look away, but Deengar held him by his chin and locked eyes with him.  

‘I’m sure you can.’

A shaky breath tore from the man’s lips as Taeslir snuck his hand into his pants. Claws harmlessly traced down his thigh, and he whimpered lightly. When Deengar pressed his palm into him, he gave up completely.

‘They’re here for a reason…that’s all I know’, he cried out as Deengar contracted his fingers, pushing against him with a bit more determination. ‘In case of something happening, that’s why they’re within reach…– I couldn’t – we weren’t told more.’

‘Too sad, we’d have loved to reward you,’ Taeslir whined a little as he spoke, tone and voice still clinging to playfulness as he rose and aimed for the guard’s neck. His fangs flashed through his smile, but he froze before he could’ve bitten him, turning his head at a door violently flying shut from some corridors away.

The yell of a name made the guard’s pupils shrink.

He excused himself and pushed away, hands clumsily tucking and pulling at his shirt, satisfying themselves with a cheap copy of his earlier fit. The door violently fell into its lock behind him.

‘And there he goes,’ Taeslir commented, making Deengar turn around, and leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

Deengar couldn’t help but smile.

‘This is simply too much fun with you,’ he said, catching Taeslir’s eyes. ‘You immediately grasped what I wanted to do.’

‘You also proved that you got your own weapons. Just different fighting style,’ Taeslir answered, his lips rising to a smile. ‘And we finally got some bits of information. Whatever that is supposed to mean.’

Deengar closed the gap between them and placed his hands next to his head. Letting his head fall to the side a little, Taeslir eyed him as he was getting closer.

‘Just sad that the guard left,’ Deengar whispered a lie, already smiling as Taeslir’s expression tightened.

‘Please, have you seen him?’ His nose itched at the repulsive idea. ‘Clumsy like a new-born cattle. I thought he’d squeeze me into the wall.’

‘You’re simply spoilt.’

‘I can’t deny that.’ Taeslir grinned at him and connected his temple to his arm. He lifted his hand so his fingers could brush up to his shoulder. ‘Considering that you’ll be as kind as to not leave me in such conditions.’

Deengar sighed as Taeslir rubbed his knee against his hip, but slid down to his knees.

‘Do you have something to fix your hair?’ he wanted to know, eyes flickering up at Taeslir smiling down on him.

‘I’ll come up with something.’

As Deengar was working on getting Taeslir’s belt undone, a thought sprung to his mind and he halted, staring at the bulge in front of him. When fingertips brushed over his forehead to get his hair out of his face, he looked up.

‘Tae?’ he breathed, fingers clinging to the fabric around Taeslir’s hips. ‘What does ‘imprudence’ mean?’

Taeslir supressed a laugh. He looked down on him, fingers tenderly resting among the strands he had pushed away before he answered him.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Once they returned to the main hall, their night’s end dawning, the corridors were deprived of any guest. Lax was already sitting in the main hall, his back on a slump on the stairs leading up to the platform. Yppha soon joined them, matching everyone’s expression of something dragging their thoughts away. They weren’t fully aware of each other’s presence.

Lou had even flinched as Taeslir’s hollow gaze had briefly struck him. He tried to blame it on the bruised spots covering his neck. Looking at Yppha, he tried to smile weakly. His eyelids seemed just as heavy as his own.

They waited awfully long; Deengar was talking about something to Taeslir in a volume Lou wasn’t supposed to catch, and Lax was eyeing him. His glance flickered to Radeel ever so briefly while his fingers were repetitiously tapping against his thigh. He seemed concentrated, but his eyes shot up as Trisse entered the room, heels clattering through opened doors in a hurry.

‘Oh, you’re still here?’ she asked and sat down at a sofa. ‘The sun’s about to rise in a few hours.’

Taeslir explained the situation to her with a quiet chuckle, and Trisse replied with a quiet hum, but didn’t pick up the conversation.

‘If they ain’t finished before sun’s up, I swear…we need to get going,’ Deengar huffed, and leaned against the wall.

‘We’d have plenty of space available,’ Treces answered him as he walked in, Liu excitedly pushing through the door and halting briefly at his side.

Deengar burst into laughter, his glare darting to Liu, before he turned back to Treces. ‘No.’

Liu jumped forward, moving in between them and drawing their gazes away from each other. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Treces was just too kind, and I got a bit too interested in his work.’

They clung to Deengar’s arm after they had run up to him, the insides of their jacket clattering against each other.

‘Fine, let’s go,’ Radeel stood up and turned around to face Trisse and Treces. ‘But first we must thank you for such a grandiose festivity.’

Lou walked up to Yppha’s side while Radeel was taking care of their proper parting, helping him to his feet before preparing to set off. They all appeared to be fleeing the scene, little strength in their muscles and faces.

Radeel bid his final farewell, his hast visible in the turn of his heel on the marble floor. It was clacking against the noiselessness inside the vapid room.

The clank was vicious and, foremostly, –

– ‘I had thought you still wanted something from us?’ –

– dreadful.

Trisse’s dress swayed up behind her when she rose, taking the few, those hideous two steps of sheer disdainfulness, up to the platform.

‘You asked just about every guest about it,’ she put reason to her blatantly obvious matter. ‘Why don’t you ask me as well?’

Lou decided on turning around after her heels had hissed against the floor another time, his eyes twitching to Radeel, who was standing behind them. His eyes lay abnormally stiff inside his head, glance directed to the floor, and Lou felt awfully threatened by the colour in his sight. Too big was the emotion it held.

‘We were merely mingling with common chitchat,’ Yppha tried to find an excuse and grabbed Lou’s elbow. The touch felt even colder than usual why Lou chased away from Yppha’s fingers and stepped behind him on his own.

‘We will attend an audience with the boss once we are entitled to do so,’ Radeel did his attempt and turned around. ‘Like we have stated in the past.’

Trisse said she knew of their patience in the matter, her heels clattering as she leaned against the armchair still crowning the middle of the platform. They snarled even stronger now that the room wasn’t filled, her superiority, like a flood, rushing down from above.

They jumped into motion as the wave hit them.

Deengar and Taeslir were standing at his side – Radeel still to his front, as he had fully turned around, and Yppha directly in front of him. Lax had been the one to run out of the room the quickest when they had still been allowed departure. He was standing in the same line as Radeel, but farthest back. Liu was similarly distanced, their figure wholly alone in the wide hall. Their glance shot to Treces, who was heading toward Trisse, his figure on one blackened step.

‘Your patience’, Trisse sighed, ‘is a shame, then.’

Lou held his breath.

‘As the boss is right here.’

A weapon poked out of Radeel’s sleeve, bearing signature to the one Deengar had described to him during their walk. Silver particles swayed around his wrist the further it ledged out of his sleeve. But the handle, supposedly hidden somewhere up Radeel’s arm, was never to reach his fingers.

It slipped from his grasp, fingers incapable of rushing after it, an atrociously slashing sound cutting through the air before the handle touched the stone-cold floor. The clatter of metal against wood screeched through the room, but their attention was drawn to Radeel’s quiet choke for air as he tilted forward.

The blade slowly disintegrated on the floor, only the silvern handle and knuckle guard still visible. Crystallin sparkles swirled around the rapier, fading with every breath Radeel took. A red puddle slowly largening underneath him.

Yppha pulled Lou away and out of his mindless stare. He didn’t notice the footsteps upstairs as he tried to keep his glance on Radeel.

‘No…,’ Radeel whispered. He laughed drily and clasped his hand to his stomach. The sound shattered as it met his voice. ‘You’re lying.’

Chapter Text

‘I’ve never been lying, Radeel.’

Radeel choked at the words. His figure tumbled to the floor. Pressing his hand to his side, he glanced at the footsteps approaching the platform. Invisible footprints stained the floor. Death bloomed from them.

Servants lined the balconies above their heads, carrying weapons in their hands and obedience on their faces. Their bows were drawn and aimed over the railing.

Lou gifted them but a glance. Unable to keep his glance off Radeel. Peeling over Yppha’s shoulder, he saw him losing his breath, the candles illuminating him like spotlights. His stare at the platform held no colour.

He tumbled as Yppha pushed against him again, his palm trembling on his stomach. He tried to reach for Liu, but they pulled out of his and Taeslir’s grip. Instead, Deengar covered what Yppha couldn’t.

‘Welcome home, boss.’ Light and easy as a feather, the words rolled off Trisse’s tongue.

She strolled around the chair, and Radeel raised his hand to his chest, blood on his fingers staining his shirt.

Playfully, she traced her fingers over Lax’ shoulder.

‘How glad I am everyone finally meets my brother, sitting where he’s supposed to.’

Yppha’s hand cramped around Lou’s shirt.

Radeel’s clenched around his oozing wound. Lips carried a quiet laugh. He choked and tightened his grip on his side.

‘What –’ he threw his gaze to the floor – ‘how, why?’

‘I think the ‘what’ should be clear.’

Lax’ glance fell on Radeel. The way it dropped remindful; it was clear who had taught Trisse the lecture.

He was eyeing him, refusing to continue: His face held no temperature. Earlier, he had fought against some satisfied twitches of his lips, now they resided at the bottom, expecting Radeel to counter his statement. As he didn’t, his mien darkened.

‘What do you fucking mean this is clear?’ Taeslir yelled from behind Lou. His hand brushed past his hip as he turned around, and pulled himself closer.  

‘Do you want me to say it?’ He leaned onto his thighs, his glance ever so lightly flickering to Radeel. ‘Want me to tell you I’m the boss you’re trying to overthrow?’

Taeslir’s touch faded, but Liu hastened to grab him by the wrist. They all had one part of the other in their grasp, each aiming to get the corresponding person rather than themselves to calm down. Almost too carefully, the touches slung around them.

‘Since when, Lax?’ Yppha rose his head. He possessed too little security to make his voice pick up the confidence. ‘Since when have you been planning this?’

‘What was I supposed to be planning?’ His eyes only slowly wandered to Yppha, and his head tipped to the side, his glare intensifying, but he averted his glance, attention back on Radeel. ‘The development of this troupe was initiated the moment I realised Radeel had some talent.’

Radeel’s head cocked up at the mention of his name, but he didn’t meet Lax’ gaze. Almost as if Lax didn’t allow their glances to touch, he had looked away when the first sign of movement touched Radeel’s muscles. It flickered behind Yppha now, but as this lead revealed no face, his expression darkened.

‘This outcome though,’ he continued, eyes drawn away, ‘rocketed into existence about a month ago. And now I’ll have to deal with this incapability of yours, even having to reveal myself to the common staff of the estate.’

Eyes darted to the lines in the upper storey. Any individuality that could’ve still mingled among them crumbled as he used Trisse’s method of embracing everyone and no one with his glance. Upstairs, glances scattered, but weapons were aimed more determinatively than before.

Lou, who was eyeing their proceedings, obtaining solely the soldier’s reactions, each of copying spirit to the other, possessed enough good sense to avoid what their bodily answer sprung from. Hidden behind Yppha, he pushed closer to Deengar’s back.

‘What are you even saying?’ Radeel asked, his voice tired. ‘Why lie to us for all – ‘

‘I’ve never been lying. Don’t you dare and accuse me of being a liar, Radeel.’

‘What were you doing then?!’ Deengar spat and leapt forward.

Lax rolled his eyes before he looked at him.

‘In the past, I wanted to establish a group.’ He spoke with dullness, his eyebrows tiredly raised, silently scolding them for not grasping something that appear so clear to him.

He paused as if he needed to collect himself and refrain from sighing. ‘A group which could handle situations on its own. As Radeel had been a truly promising concept, I had spared him.’

His eyes swayed over his shoulder, his sister’s attaching to his with a smile. His glance returning, he continued, ‘I sent Trisse to spread rumours of the boss – me, if you want.’

His hand performed a swing that reminded Lou of Radeel’s gestures.

With curling lips, he looked through everyone’s faces, staying just a tiny bit longer at Radeel’s to reveal his frightful preparation and intent. ‘The rumours back then told of my search for willing people; I only conveyed the message to Radeel. The concept had been running through the streets, as I told you back then.’

He leaned forward as if he was to throw another phrase at Radeel, carefully prepared in the darkest mischief of his planning. Radeel’s voice though, with a shallowness to it, had the walls absorbed it, they would’ve strengthened in thickness and caging, cut him off.

‘What do you mean you spared me?’

He didn’t press against his wound anymore, his hand strengthless and his chest tired of heaving. Red had stopped flowing, but it stained him. Penetrating the fibres of his clothes, soiling the floor underneath his knees, and surrounding his question in a stinging odour of blood.

A cry to someone he couldn’t call his own any longer.

‘Why did you think I was there that day, Radeel?’ Lax’ voice possessed a dryness like rasp sand. It trickled down the stairs. He smiled carelessly, revealing he saw his words as something he had detached himself from. ‘You’ve never questioned it. You only ever brought up your parents at a young age. Don’t blame me for never telling you what had been my objective that day.’

Lou felt his heart drop as he saw the colour in Radeel’s eyes. The emotion they’d held back in the storage room dripped from his irises. What once was, just breaths ago, had left.

Complete stillness allowed his stare to deaden, to spoil everything Lou had or had thought to have captured in his eyes this evening.

‘You’ve never asked yourself or me why your father did what he did,’ Lax continued after his glance had long strayed from Radeel. His elbow stemmed against the armrest of the chair for fingers to push against his temple, ‘not even when you told me about it. Blood requires payment, one way or another, if you don’t want to be spotted for an intake that’s exceeding our rules. You just came in handy for him.’

His stare was flying over the wall, but he looked at nothing, complete disinterest his glare.

‘Your father had been plotting something, your mother knew, so I had no other choice once I had found out about their illegal business with human blood.’

The lack of wickedness in his words was the greatest cruelty.

‘That your sister decided on attacking me that day had been an unfortunate loss I’d have liked to avoid.’

Silence. Its fangs tore through the hall, turning to its part-time occupancy of a predator that Lou was feeling so frequently. It made sure even Lou’s conventional hearing caught the aching shatter within Radeel’s chest.

His lips cried as he raised his voice, ‘When I asked you – whenever I had asked if…I’ll see them again at one of the – you said –’

A tearless sob sliced through his voice.

‘I always emphasised how we wouldn’t, at no chance, spot them at any gathering as your father had distanced himself from the regime’s ideas – which he has.’ Lax’ glance returned to Radeel’s, his eyes differing from Radeel’s now wettened edges. ‘I had no reason to tell you what had happened. You never even grasped why you had just been let go that day. Had you thought logically for a second, you’d have realised your father wouldn’t have let me take you.’

Lax let his fingers crawl into the wooden rest they were lying on and gritted his teeth. The muscles in his hands contracted with such hatefulness, their twitching appeared unfamiliar, although they had seen this behaviour before. But what they had mistaken for feelings of fright, now revealed its true colours. The desired reaction was, hence, this time achieved as Yppha’s fingers brushed Lou’s arm, everyone around him scuttling.

‘You could have realised as well how multiple of our later feral vampire raids were in relation to your father’s affairs.’

No more words were to leave Radeel as they got stuck somewhere between his lungs and throat.

‘Why?’ Yppha grasped his chance instead. ‘Why did you – ’

‘What? Not tell you?’ Lax straightened.

‘I was so close to telling Radeel the truth –’ his glance darted at him, but when he found no eyes to meet his, it returned to Yppha in circled motion – ‘but I think we both know what made me change my mind.’

Even darker, much darker than Lou thought his glance could still become with the already tainted reflection of his irises, Lax stared down to Yppha. He trembled into a shift, lungs unsteadily rising to Lou’s front.

Lax, upon notice, forgot to heed to a silent flicker swirling around his lips. Twitching once, twice, but at the third time it reached his notice, and he averted his glance.

‘And then I sent the human to you,’ he used Yppha’s silence to finally continue his original objective.

His words sparked with anticipation.

Yppha stepped closer to Lou, his hand trembling past his clothes.  

‘I neatly packaged it as a present so none of you grasped that it was a test – not even when I tried to point out the possibility of me testing you.’ Having noticed Radeel’s budding return to their conversation, Lax let his gaze wander. ‘I had hoped for you to notice, Radeel, as you were almost there that day.’

Radeel glanced at him, but kept his lips shut.

Lou noticed, just as Radeel’s glance dropped to the floor, how Taeslir pulled Deengar and Liu closer to himself behind his back, grabbing each of them by their wrists. Liu escaped his grip as it restrained them in mobility and sight, but on Deengar’s arm, he pressed a symbol to his skin.

Lou caught it, but renewed his view on Radeel as he couldn’t possibly decipher the message.

He had never seemed that small. Not even the memory of his panicked state when they had returned from the attack or the bits of insecurity Lou’s eavesdropping had revealed that other day, held such immensity. The second memory, one of intimacy Lou was never supposed to have seen, held him at chokehold. He watched how Radeel closed his eyes, countering a hiss, and raised his hand from his wound. It had healed to the point of no more gaping. Placed on his mouth, his hand drowned what resided in his lungs, wickedness abusing their function for its parasitic sorrow.

Lou had no permission let alone ability to imagine Radeel’s thoughts as his eyes opened. His glance rested on the set of steps, complete stillness clinging to his muscles. And still, he wanted to scream, tear, and push forward, just to tell Radeel; he could. He could manage without Lax’ influence..

‘At first, everything went too well. I couldn’t have been more delighted at how you treated him.’ His head snapped back to the others, and Lou jumped briefly as he had thought to catch his glance on him – it was directed toward someone else though. ‘Especially your proceeding, Yppha.’

His breath hitched at another direct strike. He shook his head, violently, unaccepting. Lips twitched with the painful intention of keeping them shut as his manner didn’t soothe his sobs. Eyes lowered to the ground. When he dared another glare at Lax, dreaded noises fled him, leaking through his lips despite their seal.

Instinctively, when Lax’ gaze averted, Lou grabbed Yppha’s trembling hand and squeezed it, reassured to find Yppha’s head cocking at him. He returned the gesture – softly, or weakly? – and looked straight on, sight catching Lax preparing himself to deal with Radeel once more.

Just before he relapsed into his monologue, Deengar’s touch brushed the back of Yppha’s hand. His glance jumped down to the indication, lips parted in a faint breath. He blinked, gaze jumping to the floor. He answered Deengar with a squeeze.

‘But then, right after I had thought you had, despite your despicable development of letting him communicate his wishes, returned to our actual resentment of his race – ’ he laughed curled his fingers around the armrest– ‘you came up to me after the theatre, after allowing him rest.’

Radeel allowed his glance to stray. It owned an air of daringness, but slipped into regret with a tiny twitch of his glance. His expression weakened the longer he glared at Lax, the longer his thoughts twitched around what the other had implied.

Lax recognised the manner, he cut the leash on Radeel’s glance. Plumping to the floor, eyes watered and an awful sound tore from his lips.

‘Exactly. Your ideas which have now developed into this disgusting chunk of a plan were so plain and fragile that day, but you made one thing clear.’ A slow fill of his lungs, one last scratch at the rest under his claws, and his voice deepened. ‘Over and over, you repeated how he didn’t deserve any of your doings – how humanity, as a whole, didn’t deserve to be treated like the livestock they are.’

The path he had carefully set up crumbled under his approach to his plan. Each word brought his voice into higher volumes before its tremble dared to have it slip and fall into territory where it could not be fetched from. Lax averted his eyes in a reason of countermeasure, staring at a painting on the wall. With a deep inhale, he closed them.

He shifted in his seat, and glanced over his shoulder. Trisse’s glance embraced his, a smile on her lips.

‘For this reason, I adjusted the route to our station for it to meet my expectations.’ His glance returned to Radeel. He met no more reluctance as he continued, ‘by doing that I could exchange some words with Trisse at the lodging we were staying at for that one day so that she could, at least you got that right, inform some vampires we knew were lurking near the station as well as some humans in the city.’

Satisfaction; in the twitching of his lips, in the spark returning to his eyes.

‘She was so much faster on her feet than our entire horsepower together, but you insisted on going over our calculations of some traitor informing everyone by carriage over and over. It was as if you didn’t – ‘

‘You did what?’ Liu breathed. Lou’s glance chased to his side as they gained Lax’ eyes on them. Their own weren’t prone to cling to Lax’ though. Unlike Radeel or Yppha, who could no longer control their chests’ rising, Liu had remained calm, and invited a different pair into their glance.

Treces was staring at them. He was still standing near the steps. As Liu’s glance turned heavier, he was the one to pull away first.

‘Why did each of you only devise reasons for the attack that favoured the humans?’ Lax leaned back, his leg resting above his knee as fingertips glided over the armrest. ‘The idea of it having been directed at you never struck any of you.’

He sighed, empathising his exhaustion with theatrical dramaturgy. Once more, his manner reminded Lou of something he did not want to associate him with. ‘That’s when I realised my plan for you wasn’t to work out any longer. So, I had to – ‘

‘How can you just talk about this…so – so carelessly?!’ Deengar yelled. ‘Liu and Taeslir almost died and you just – ‘

‘Well, they were both injured.’ Lax permitted the slightest of pauses to interrupted him, enough to make a difference in the rising of Deengar’s chest. ‘So, neither of them would’ve needed to grieve for the other. Had that rat’s curing methods not worked that is.’

Deengar’s gaze fell, his words visibly drying on his tongue.

‘I gave you one last chance to focus on the traitor of the attack, but you –’ he glanced at Radeel and pronounced his name, eyes meeting, tongue gaining viciousness – ‘you were determined on bringing up your plotting at the meeting.’

His glance returned, fingertips digging into the armrest. ‘And then every single one of you was intrigued.’

He grinned as he gained Deengar glance on him. ‘I had hoped for you, Deengar, to at least keep your hatred, but you were just as easily manipulated by his worthless words.’

Lou caught his glance, and Lax laughed at his expression. Welcomed into what he had dreaded, he could not move, although his glare had simplified. It reminded him of the plain sound of the ticking clock. He remembered to have felt the same when Trisse’s heels had clanked on the floor. – But as he continued to stare, he realised how neither those occurrences, nor his expression touched something like simplicity.

The emotions awakened by the clock, the ordering undertone screeching after Trisse’s clanking heels; the intimacy of those objects, touching one’s soul with the chilliness of nostalgia or dread, was what rendered them wicked and heinous. Lax’ eyes, with the simpleness in their stare, aimed for Lou’s most sensitive spot. 

‘You’re insane,’ Deengar’s remark rekindled the emotion in Lax’ face.

‘You’re one to talk,’ he snapped at him, and scratched at the armrests again. ‘Should I remind you what you did during every city raid?’ Lips rose to a level they hadn’t touched before. ‘All those churches where you – ‘

‘Shut the fuck up, Laxseau,’ Yppha said.

Not yelled; he merely told Lax to be quiet.

And he was.

His tone sufficed, even if he couldn’t have won another battle of glances, and he stepped closer to Lou.

Lax turned away, the salty reminder of having drifted off lingering in his defeat and the silence of the entire room. His glance aimlessly strayed from Radeel to some of the paintings, his expression telling of pondering.

Yppha used this distraction to squeeze Deengar’s hand, though Lou did not fully grasp whether he did so for comfort or information, and placed the back of his hand against his spine. His index finger pointing at Radeel.

Lou squeezed his hand in understanding.

‘We are straying from the point anyway, so let’s– ’

Lax stopped himself, his eyes drawn elsewhere. Securely trapped between Deengar’s index and middle finger, an arrow pointed at Yppha’s temple. Neither of them dared a breath, his lips sealed next to Lou’s ear.

Lou glanced up, his eye just fingertips away from the deadly tip, and Deengar’s gaze dropped. They met at the tip of the arrow hideously shining toward them. Deengar dropped it. It clattered on the floor.

Lax’ eyebrow twitched at the noise, his glance swaying upstairs. Yppha smiled in return, catching Radeel’s glance with a flicker of his own. He led him to his thigh, fingers readied to perform the symbol that had been wandering around them already.

His entire mien softened as if he had been reminded of what was here, in this room, needing his attention. Still, he turned away, his gaze darting upstairs upon some movement.

A guard crawled out from behind a pillar, quietly explaining his doings, saying he had suspicioned communication when Yppha had headed for Lou’s ear.

Lax did not care for the content of his statement as he threw his head into the crook of his neck. ‘Treces.’

He stretched his hand toward him and was handed a knife.

Lou only caught a thump from upstairs.

Slowness had blessed him with the gift of missing the exact moment the blade hit the guard’s skull.

A glance at Treces revealed he was still in position, his extended arm having frozen mid-air. His glance stained the floor to his front.

‘Should anyone else– ’ Lax’ eyes returned, fingertips scratching on the armrest– ‘have the idea to act on their thoughts, I must inform you that every single one of them knows better than communicate or use that secret sign language. Would be stupid to use my own idea against me, wouldn’t it?’

His palm pressed against the rest, touched by his marks on them, and he leapt forward, everyone else budging at his intrusion of the place. Not as cunning as a step, but the emptying of lungs, or another strengthened grasp.

‘I know their moves.’ Lips twitched at one edge, disappearing once Lax softly flung his head to the side, eyelids fluttering. ‘I’ve not only trained Radeel after all…or do I need to remind you? They know better than to work out a tactic right now.’

His glance flew over the guards’ heads again.

‘Whatever,’ he continued and rose from the chair, ’I wouldn’t have revealed myself if it hadn’t been necessary, but this gathering proves the most efficient way to present my offer to you.’

Lou’s heart skipped a beat as Radeel pushed to his feet. He tumbled and faced Lax’ nearing figure. His glance fell to the shiny, metallic object in his hand, muscles aching as he raised his hands to defend himself. As Lax flung it around, the tip pointing to his own body, Radeel raised his head in confusion, meeting a smile.

‘Should you– ’ he pushed the blade into Radeel’s hand– ‘kill your beloved treasure right here and now, I’ll tell my heralds to unsaddle the horses. No one shall catch a word of what happened today.’

Radeel blinked at Lax as he continued, ‘we’ll proceed as if nothing ever took place – except for some changes regarding your surveillance. You are, after all, still of need to me.’

His glance set the colour and tone of his continuation long before his voice did.

‘Don’t throw your dream away, Radeel. You’ve torn yourself apart for this.’

Radeel didn’t answer. He couldn’t move.

But they could.

Taeslir turned to face them, his hand still clinging to Deengar’s shirt. ‘You’re blind for thinking we’d agree to that!’

His words met the walls, earlier than they reached Lax, maybe they crumbled a little through his carelessness of thinking Radeel was alone in this.

‘Do you really think your ultimatum will make us behave like your dolls?’

‘I had thought you were scared,’ Liu supported him, and increased the invisible cracks on the walls. ‘Why were you lying, Lax? I had constantly thought about how I could help you – Lou had constantly been thinking about how he could help you, and then you treat him as if – ‘

‘I’m not a liar for the last fucking time!’ He distanced himself with a step to the side.

A look of pure horror struck his face at the realisation of what he’d missed out on. Eyes twitching, awfully familiar, he tried to calm himself. Yet, as the content curl of his lips returned, budding into a delighted huff of air, they, or maybe only Lou, realised how the tiny cracks of the walls did not threaten him.

‘But he is lying…and you’re still defending him? – When he knew?’

Lou’s eyes widened.

Lax tilted his head, the gesture wickedly reminiscent, the rise of his lips a useless addition.  

‘With the clues right in front of you? You can’t tell me you didn’t notice.’

He walked backward, each step falling heavier with the thump in Lou’s chest getting stronger. Every clank made the vessel throb, blood blooming for everyone in the room. Yet none of their knowledges about it mattered. None of their glances mattered. Only one did.

And Lou wished for nothing more than to escape his glare. Because it wasn’t Radeel who was looking at him, but the distant upbringing of whom placed himself back on the chair at the front.

‘I’ve never written a single story in my life, Lou.’

Lou chased after the call of his name.

‘You’ve read through them that eagerly and even held the last sheet with the huge letter in the correct ninety-degree angle. You must’ve noticed the messages I wrote from the bottom up.’

Lax had made sure that their eyes stayed glued to each other while he was speaking, but now, his lips curled as Lou’s gaze travelled over his shoulder. No conscious intention lay in his glance as it embraced Trisse’s cheerful smile behind Lax’ shoulder and Treces’ averted figure to his side.

His lungs chilled, words spilling into his mind. So vivid. As if they fell off Lax’ lips another time.

Instead, they echoed off his own tongue. ‘The little girl and the old man in the East.’

He wanted to grasp something, clutch on to something. His hands didn’t as much as tremble. He should cover himself, his mouth, his ears. His eyes. His hand remained in Yppha’s loose grip.

A squeeze broke the tremble in his mind. ‘No, no, I didn’t know! No, you need to believe me – Yppha, I–  ‘

He lost the grip on his words at Yppha’s forehead furrowing, his eyes dodging his worried glance. Rushing around the room for anything that could provide him with stability, he met Radeel’s glance. Eyes blinking at eyes, which didn’t even see anymore. Not Lax glancing back at him, neither Radeel. It was himself staring holes into him, burned disbelief.

His teeth ached in haste. ‘Radeel, I wasn’t – you need to trust me…I– ‘

Yppha didn’t let him finish. Pushing him behind himself, he put his hand on his shoulder.  Away from Radeel’s glance. Out of range for red streaks of blades. The last place he wanted to be.

Violently shaking his head, he tried to convince Yppha. Tried to convince himself. His eyes watery.

‘We all know who is at fault for destroying this perfectly functioning group, Radeel.’ He sounded so calm. Why did he sound so calm? ‘Had it not been for him, you wouldn’t have changed your mind.  Your thoughts are infected by his repulsive human needs and–  ‘

Lou laughed. Shattered lungs on his lips. ‘No…’

A cry of ice and fire, wanting him off his feet. Clanking against the walls, Lou heard cement crumbling.

‘Now you’re lying.’

Lou stepped out from behind Yppha. His confidence boasted as his memory wasn’t deceiving him like Lax’ lulling words of manipulation. No matter how strong though, his step didn’t carry him further than Yppha’s arm. Fingers twitched at his shoulder as his arm spun across his chest, holding him down next to him.

‘You’re a liar and you know that! You told me!’

The walls creaked and moaned, pulsing with Lou’s pushes against Yppha’s arm.

Lax was finally looking at him. He had merely sighed in feinted defeat as he had realised the word was taken from him another time, but now dread twitched around his face. Lou wasn’t sure whether he had ever seen him wear such a truthful display of emotion.

‘You told me right after the meeting when you forced me to read through your stupid story-letter-whatever thing. You said it wasn’t me.’

He didn’t hear the cracks anymore. He felt them. Shooting at the ceiling.

Lax’ eyes widened, his fingers twitching around the armrests. Lou smiled as his façade crumbled, as bricks crumbled right above his head, realisation flooding Lax’ face in all its twisted colours. Knowing he had forgot one parameter in his plan.

‘You meant your plan that had failed! You know it didn’t succeed because your own judgement was at fault when you had thought Radeel, or any of the others, were a heartless creature like you!’

A vigorous push into his chest made him lose his balance, his tumble sending him backward a good three steps before Yppha caught his hand behind his back in between his fingers. He pressed his palm against his back, and squeezed his fingers around his wrist.

In this turmoil of adrenaline, he mistook Yppha’s gesture, and determinatively tried to pull out from behind him. Only to be yanked back, a strength in Yppha’s grip which made him his heart thump. Gulping at the unease returning to his throat, like a sling, a reminder, he finally noticed the heaving of his chest. Claws on his fingers, readied at his hip.

One glance at Lax revealed the reason. No colour. Entirely hollow, lifeless, he was staring at them.

They only sparked as they connected with Radeel’s.

‘I’ll give you one minute.’

Radeel’s glance falling to the blade made Lax’ lips rise, his head turning with the motion a doll possesses if its carelessly turned to the side. Horrifying. As if it would fall off.

Yppha pushed him into the circle as Radeel raised his glance. Staring at Lou with nothing in his glance, unknown colour in those usually beautiful eyes.

‘Radeel! You don’t want to– ‘ Yppha tumbled, attempting to push away from Radeel’s determinative step.

Lou wanted to, he truly did want to avert his gaze and let the others handle the situation so that, by some miracle, he was to get out of this mess he had never asked to be in, in one piece. But he couldn’t; not getting out alive if he was to avert himself, why he stared. Bundling everything he had, searching for every little piece of goodheartedness he saw in him. He wanted it to flash before his eyes so he could remind himself why and just how much of the other he appreciated.

‘Will someone tell him that that’s the stupidest fucking thing he could be– ‘

‘Shut up, Deengar,’ Radeel silenced him.

Yppha’s hand shot to Deengar’s wrist, his chest stilling.

Radeel looked at the blade before his eyelids fluttered back up. Reflecting the light on its polished side, he first blinded Yppha, then Lou.

A symbol. The same traces as Yppha’s. Yppha exhaled shakily with his eyes on the blade, repeating the gesture to Deengar. But Lou, just as he thought to catch his lips in a smile, remembered Lax’ earlier statement of how useless their efforts were.

As he glanced at him, his eyes widened; a furrow lay on his forehead, fingertips hectically twitched at the rests. Grasping how he did not understand what they were planning, Lou smiled; the briefest one he had ever worn.

Yppha pulled him into a securing shield of his arms, everyone else dispersing around him.

Radeel jumped first. Backward, his feet carried him to Lax. The others scattered, leaving Deengar with Yppha and Lou in the middle of the room.

Yppha pulled on Lou’s arm, Deengar covering them. Arrows arrived and left his hands faster than Lou would’ve felt them impaling him had his method lacked the skill. Yppha carried him across the room, both crouching next to the wall. In this position, Yppha yelled for him to continue, but his feet were rooted to the floor.

As if a disease had let his bones disappear.

All because he had glanced at Radeel.

Lax had struck him. At an armlength of distance, his sword, wholly through, glistened in a shade of red. Radeel scarcely breathed, struggling to not let his chest widen too largely. He coughed. Blood splattered across the floor; the blade thrusted deeper into his body.

Yppha pulled on his arm; Lou knew why, but could not bring himself to move. Picking him up, an arm around his waist, he prepared to leap off, but both halted. Another cough. Lou jerked in Yppha’s grip, cocking his head at Radeel. His glance struck his figure, and he held his breath as Radeel exhaled– one final breath.

He pushed against Lax’ blade, his body pressing into the sharpness, blood spilling. Their distance shortened, Lax pulled away and out of him, readying himself to counter Radeel with a slice across his stomach. Twirling particles caught his glance before that. Appearing in Radeel’s hand, Lax aimed for the thin blade, but Radeel dropped it, the tip tilting over and sailing to the floor. It hardly scratched the flat surface when he caught it in a tight grip and threw his aim elsewhere.

He threw the handle upward, a cracking sound connecting the back of it with Lax’ chin. The impact made him tumble, and he just barely dodged an accurate blow of Radeel’s blade. The next blow collided with Lax’ sword, then with the thin fabric over his chest. The strike sent him off his feet, his lower back hitting the edge of the steps.

Yppha used their bustling to carry Lou to the side. Deengar was still jumping and dodging in the middle of the room, unable to leave under constant attacks. They halfway hid in a large doorway, but Yppha quickly jolted out of their hiding, averting the arrows that found their way over here.

Taeslir, noticing Deengar’s struggle, headed for the upper storey. Feet performing jump after jump, to one of the sofas, up a pole and into an opening of a balcony. He cleared half of the railings above before the doors to the balconies opened. They revealed too many people than he could stem, but as no bow appeared among them, he fled the scene by jumping down. Feet connected to the floor, his head rose, and he looked straight across the room, capturing Trisse. He brushed some loose strands out of his face, a smile lurking around his lips.

‘Deengar! Footstep!’

He jumped with his statement, dodging a fling of Lax’ knife. Radeel countered a second knife, drawing his attention back to him with a slice over his arm. He still called for Trisse, screaming to bring him down, as he recognised the placement of his feet.

Another twitch of Taeslir’s lips rendered her best effort useless. His gaze flickered to Deengar while he was already running, and as he jumped at him, he stood ready with an aiding hand. The archers’ arrows failed to hit him, and he jumped for the lustre. His feet clattered against the decorative stones, but he climbed further.

The clanking sound captured Yppha’s gaze and as he realised what he intended to do, he raced back to Lou’s side. He picked him up, and Lou watched as he jumped higher, evading the burning candles, aiming to throw his claws for a heavy blow. They were in the doorway when it crashed down to the floor, and Lou shielded his eyes with his arm. A quivering scream tore through the room. Glass splitters shot at everyone, the guards downstairs hiding behind the pillars.

Yppha used this to try and escape, but tumbled back when a small group headed right for him. He dropped Lou and readied himself, indicating him to scuttle off to the side.

He caught a glimpse of Trisse’s figure, foot trapped underneath the lustre, a smeary colour of destruction painting the floor around her. Yppha’s back hit his side, and urged him toward the other entrance, closer to the platform, almost in the corner. 

At that place, Liu fended off some larger floods of guards, their jacket as good as a teammate as it could get. They pulled at various substances; their fingers quick as they didn’t need to search for them. Never longer than the blink of an eye and their hands bore another set of attacks. As Yppha pushed into him once more, he realised they were clearing the way for them. He tumbled with Yppha’s pushes, but halted when they reached the next doorway, guards fully taken care of.

Liu swirled around – Lou hadn’t even noticed a figure approaching – and dodged a blow from another guard. After they brought him down, their gaze darkened, meeting a face to their front. Fingers dug into their jacket, and they lowered their glance.

Denying him a single one.

Instead, they looked at the blade in Treces’ hand, and the wobbly stance he had placed on his feet. They pulled a fragile bulb from their storage, and broke it in the palm of their hand. Before Treces as much as raised the weapon, they flung the powdery content over his eyes. He yelped and tumbled away from them, a hand palming his eyes. Liu left him, his voice carrying incomprehensible snippets of curses, the remains of glass in Liu’s hand likely more the reason why he stormed off to the wall and retreated.

Just as he disappeared, Yppha turned to Lou and pulled him away from the scene. They rushed down a hallway, feet racing for some way outside. Once the noises from the main room faded, he slowed down, scanning the area. They neared a corner, and Yppha pressed them to the wall. He looked at a window right at the end of the corridor, his stern face enlightened by some moonlight.

He peeked around the corner, one foot placed strongly on the piece of carpet to their front, but no second step fell. Arrows hit the wall to Lou’s front, and Yppha tumbled back to him. His head fell on his shoulder as his limbs gave out, Lou using all his strength to keep him upright. He noticed the wetness on his collarbone, but looked at the arrows sticking to the wall as he did not dare check the colour on Yppha’s head.

When he groaned, he looked down. An oozing wound covered his temple. He couldn’t inspect it as he slipped off, and Yppha only nodded his head when he inquired his well-being. Even though he tightened his grip, he dropped to the side a little and Lou hastened to pull him away from the corner.

‘What happened?’ Taeslir stood next to them before Lou could’ve as much as blinked. The air still swirled around his feet. Pulling Yppha off him, he steadied him and inspected the wound. Stretching over the side of his scalp, the arrow had traced its way across his temple to a bit above his ear.

‘Archers…around the corner – too many.’ He smiled weakly and tried to get a hold of Taeslir’s eyes, but only blinked compulsively.

‘Let’s head back and take the other one at the– ‘

‘Get out of the fucking way!’ Liu’s voice rang through the corridor. A large canvas, trimmed off at the edges and broken at some outlines, rested in their hand as they headed for their direction. They didn’t appear to be stopping once they had reached them and Taeslir pushed the three of them to the wall. They jumped against a narrow wall next to the window and threw the canvas down the corridor. Gaining groans from around the corner. Upon returning to the floor, they pushed back a couple of steps.  

Footsteps raced toward them, and Liu pressed them further against the wall. Yppha fell over and into Lou again.

Deengar hadn’t even nearly reached them when he readied for the throw of a motionless body, held up by the collar of a torn shirt. He managed to break the window before gesturing them to back away from the wall after.

Taeslir nodded and pulled them to the opposite wall, but lost Lou on the way, his figure stranded in the middle of the hallway. Deengar pulled him closer instead. His free hand, adorned with a stack of claws, sliced the tapestry off the earlier occupied wall. He grabbed a torn edge and jumped for the window, Lou trapped in his pull, his body shielding him from possible further arrows.

When he landed on the windowsill, he tumbled lightly, and grabbed the frame with his hand. He pressed right against a splitter of glass to connect the tapestry to the frame, obstructing the archers’ view. His hand bloody. He quickly slung it around Lou’s waist, pulling him onto himself, before he threw a glance over his shoulder.

Taeslir nodded and pulled on Yppha, who had been swept off his feet by the breeze entering the hallway. He motioned Deengar to leave and watched him jump out the windowless frame.

Just that outside, a slope, good five metres in length, and another act of preparation awaited them. Archers, leaning out of the upper storey windows, struck Deengar and his grip on the wall slipped. He tried to grasp the cracks in the old building’s façade, but an arrow brushed past his wrist, and they fell. Pushing Lou into his arms, and warning the others with a scream, he crashed to the ground. 

‘Are you hit?’ His voice sounded hoarse after they had plumped into a bush near the wall, Lou’s knee pressing into his stomach after he had spun them around as soon as they had touched the floor.

Lou shook his head and dropped his glance. His eyes widened at the wetness on his knee, flowing from Deengar’s upper body, his shoulder and stomach down to his hip. He grunted in understanding, heaved them up and ran off.

They had run to the back of the building and had to sprint up a tiny hill, gaining in steepness the higher they went. Trees similarly increased the higher they went. They covered them additionally, even after Deengar had outrun the archers’ range.

He halted when he spotted Radeel to his left, tumbling from one tree to another. As their eyes meet, he confidently pushed further ahead, his head jerking and indicating to run toward the woods. Deengar grabbed Lou’s thighs, adjusting his position on his back, and pushed forward.

Jumping. They climbed up the inaccessible parts. Behind them the crushing sounds of thinner, younger trees getting their roots torn.

Sprinting. Deengar paced up once he noticed the others fighting off a bunch of archers that had joined their escape route. They clashed with the peculiar sounds of Liu’s potions, and the trees Taeslir threw at them.

Halting. His knee abruptly gave out. Lou slipped off to the side, and quickly pulled himself to his knees. Deengar pushed his unharmed hand against the floor, pieces of wood cracking under his tensed fingers, and jerked away when Lou pushed against his shoulder.

‘Are you okay?’ Taeslir sprinted up to them, forcing himself to stay upright as fingers wanted to investigate for injury.

‘Fuck, Tae, using that safeword we had introduced to everyone at that stupid bullshitting time…that’s so smart – and that’s so fucking hot,’ Deengar laughed, but grunted at the breath-robbing sound. It sucked the air from his lungs as he flopped down another time.

‘Get me turned on after the fight, will you?’

‘What did it mean?’ Lou pushed himself to his feet as Taeslir inspected the area around them.

‘Do whatever the fuck you want.’ Taeslir smiled at him before he offered Deengar a hand.

‘Lax couldn’t have known about it,’ Lou whispered, his glance jumping from some bloody leaves to Deengar’s face after he had stood up with a heavy thump placed on his foot. He tumbled even with Taeslir’s arm around him.

‘And he couldn’t have known about any tactic,’ he huffed, tearing his arm from Taeslir when his confidence returned. Taeslir rushed after him, but did not grab his arm once more. ‘Not until the last second at least.’

He threw a smile at Taeslir, eyes hardly striking each other, and managed to make him step back, trusting the security Deengar had placed on his feet.

Deengar pushed toward Lou, who cupped his wrist after he had given off the impression of tumbling over another time. He placed himself with the intention to shield him, should the careful glances around them reveal a threat. Taeslir meanwhile mumbled how he hadn’t thought the estate’s guards would be this numerous.

‘Some seem to have retreated though.’

‘No.’ Deengar mumbled, tipping his head down the hill. ‘They’ve just moved to the sides because of your frontal attacks...but looks like our little rascal has everything under control over there.’

Liu had their hands buried inside their jacket as they jumped to a lower plain. They dodged several shrubs or simply ran them over in their sprint. Once they had approached the front of guards, they pulled their hands out, and clumsily jumped to the side. Fingers suddenly shook at their sides as if their idea hadn’t played out as planned, and Taeslir readied himself to jump forward in aid.

Yet, roaring up into the sky, merely held captive by the big crowns above them, flaming colours of red sprouted from behind Liu, and Taeslir froze. Deengar provided quickness in thinking and acting, motioning Lou to hold onto him again. He had already placed himself with the intent of leaving, a fix of Lou’s position drawing a huff from his lips, and informed Taeslir about their procedure.

But he received no reply.

The leaves rustled, as they burst from the floor in the flames’ roar. Some were crackling around the surface, before they disintegrated and seeped into the mud. Taeslir was watching them. His chest pumped. He moved no muscle. The perfect stillness of his eyes reflected the broadening ocean of flames at the bottom of the hill.

‘Tae.’ Deengar placed his hand on Taeslir’s, the most urgent tenderness clinging to his tightened fingers. ‘We are moving– ‘ Taeslir’s glance fell on the pressure holding him down, but he blinked up at Deengar, a glassiness in his irises– ‘away from the fire.’

Taeslir nodded – roughly, the loose strands of dirty hair jiggling at his temples. Deengar retreated his hand, and they jumped up, eyes scanning in between the trees to spot a possible, hidden figure. Their covering wasn’t of benefit to them, as neither friend nor foe could’ve been spotted had they been hiding behind their massiveness.

They reached a somewhat flat plain, and noticed a rock heavily thumping against another. Taeslir rushed up to Yppha’s side as he grasped his motive. Pushing together, they watched it roll into the depths of green below.

Some screams from below made them look around again. Radeel joined them from the side of the field, feet not halting as he spotted them. His and Deengar’s glances crossed once, but just as he set for the ensuing leap his feet gave out completely. Lou fell off to the side another time, his hip aching when he parted with the muddied branches. His hands rushed for Deengar’s shoulder when the arm next to his knee dared to succumb to its tremble.

‘They are still pushing through despite the fire.’ Liu popped up behind them.

He lacked the time to extend his aiding hand; Deengar’s call for Radeel shot through the woods, sure to whirl up some leaves. His tone rendering everyone immovable.

‘The sun, for fuck’s sake! Where are we heading?’ His yell was quieter now, but he had forced Radeel to halt mid-jump..

Radeel’s eyes parted with his, resorting to a darting between the trees, and he stemmed his hand against his forehead, grasping some strands of hair. Deengar flopped down another time. Muscles twitched painfully under Lou’s grasp. He hardly had a grip on him, his manner less clumsy than uneasy, not wanting to hurt Deengar.

He forced his head up at Radeel’s replying call for him, eyes widening at his answer.

‘The mountains.’

Chapter Text

Chapter 3: 

There  once  was  a boy with  a mission;

He   was   the   chosen    one    for    exploration.

Eager and brave, his time had come.

His only, true goal had been to look for a fruit

Being the same magical fruit as in the forgotten tale.

It has brought life to the dead, as its rightful role:

Leader, of the seventh abyss and ruler of its kingdom.

Harm had been brought upon its enemies.

But no worries plagued the boy, for his

Young and incomplete self would never count

An enemy; in thesis at least.

But he was prepared, would gladly die even,

His faith was destined as a small human, but:

Strong and brave as he was, he was accepted.

(The last sheet of paper merely had a huge V written on it)

Chapter 10:

Coming for his mission the boy got his  instructions:

Storm’s the  “I” mark on his map. If  he won, my, my

A  new  trial  will  – can appear which he’ll fight for.

Alive    and   happy,  he   definitely  could  not  wait:

Everyone’s glad, but sad?; surely tears will not leave.

(There was a Z written at the back of the page)

Chapter 17:

The boy had met many enemies; had slain them dead.

He’d done what his king would want him to complete.

 Rather what King I asked  of him to gain  more power.

He hadn’t  failed, he  was determinative,  brave,  there

has not been failure, as described, he truly succeeded.

Plan was to return to his family, them, and naturally to

the little farm they had all built at home.  He craved it.

It was a mansion; his last step to the holy treasure. His

last destination to the sought aim, to ease his longing.

He received an  envelope since to enter  seemed more

difficult than easy. What would those invitations send?

(There was a U written in the right bottom corner.)

Chapter Text

Radeel stormed off, a brisk sweep of the wind blowing his statement away. The break of dawn enwrapped them, threw its chilly claws into their bones, and Lou only reluctantly turned his head to look at the tremble beneath his hands.

Deengar tried to push himself up, but dropped to his knee, his voice barely a breath. ‘Is he serious?’

He hissed and flinched as Taeslir grabbed him by the shoulder, trying to distance himself. Taeslir grunted and buried his fingers in his bloodied blouse, unsuccessful against Deengar’s stubbornness; his glance remained far in the distance, and his words fell on deaf ears. Only when Deengar turned to Liu, repeating his question, did he achieve somewhat of a reaction.

‘We’ll have to follow him, no matter what he’s thinking,’ they answered, their glance dulled as they stuck their hands into their vest. They seemed to be shaking. ‘I’ll go and help Yppha.’

They jumped off without looking back and sent Deengar into another zest for action. Strength in his arm, he pushed his palm against the ground, but another muddied patch made him lose his foothold and fell to the side.

Taeslir immediately steadied him, his forehead in a furrow as he tried to tear from his grasp. ‘You’ll let me help you, too!’

Deengar grunted into a laugh, but the noise drew a hiss from his throat. ‘Like hell I will.’

He grabbed Lou by the arm, his fingers trembling, but with his weight misplaced and his knees buckling beneath him, Lou couldn’t hold him upright. He sank to his knees, a squint in his eyes, a bite down on his lip, some white pebbles reflecting the moonlight shining and laughing at him.

‘Deengar…’ Taeslir touched his arm again, his fingers and tone light as a feather, a weak pull in his grasp.

He got him to stop. Soaked in worrying chilliness, his tone sent Deengar into a semi-frozen state. The bright green flame dripping off Taeslir’s eyes, melting the little muscles around Deengar’s eyes, soothing the sorrow on his lips. A few matching breaths, a few glances at each other’s eyes.

Deengar sighed when he pulled away, but didn’t resist Taeslir’s help any longer. Didn’t protest as he steadied him, didn’t argue when he moved to pick Lou up.

They never parted far from each other as they climbed up the hill, the walls steepening the farther they went, their breaths thinning with every stone they had to jump up to. Taeslir’s arm always remained in reach of Deengar while his fingers also cramped around Lou’s legs, determinatively clinging to keeping him on his back. To keep their legs running, their breaths flowing.

As they slipped through a crack between two stones, Lou felt Taeslir’s shoulders untense, a sigh in his throat as they stood in front of a flat plain. Making use of a former trail, once created and used by adventurers, they found easier ground to handle their slipping strength.

As Taeslir placed Lou on his feet again, his glance flickered at Deengar, whose balance had suffered with the altitude continuously rising, and set off to stay in reach for him. Naturally, Deengar didn’t admit to his exhaustion, but he couldn’t hide his grunts and chokes for air whenever he slipped over another of his steps. He continuously slapped Taeslir’s worried hand away, but became less and less appalled to the gesture whenever a tumble, the next always stronger than the preceding, made his vision blur. While, at some point up the trail, he accepted the gesture of a hand slung around his upper arm, he denied Taeslir’s question of wanting to halt.

‘I told you I’m fine!’ he snapped at him, but harshly sucked in his breath and pressed his hand against his stomach as his own voice and force made the two of them tumble.

When he choked on the breath he’d involuntarily taken, a cough trembling in his throat, Taeslir’s shoved him on a heavy stone. Lou silently approached, noticing how Taeslir’s hand stretched toward him and Deengar equally, as to not let either of them leave him farther than an armlength.

Deengar tried to catch his breath, but as Taeslir’s hand neared him, he failed and spun around, turning his face to the mud behind the stone. His voice hollow and hoarse. ‘How much fucking longer does he want to continue this?’

When his breaths finally calmed, blood coloured his arm, and quickly turned away.

Lou clawed his fingers into his shirt as he tumbled a step. ‘How much loner do we have? Can you tell that?’

He gained Taeslir’s eyes, but Deengar’s glance barely budged, the muscles in his neck stiffening as he tried to cock his head at the inquiry. He coughed at wave of blood rising to his throat.

‘It’s more like a feeling,’ Taeslir answered, but barely looked at him. His worry dragged him back to Deengar’s crumbling strength. As meek as possible, he crept closer. ‘Like an urge to hide ourselves.’

Deengar rose to his feet with his voice rising to his throat, ‘and right now, it’s screaming to get out of this shit place.’

Once he caught his balance, he cleared his throat and walked on. Taeslir reached for him, but he shook him off with a flick of his hand. As they continued, Deengar needed to halt and bend behind a stone every now and then, his coughs turning harsher. Worse the longer they went. The closer the sun edged toward the horizon.

Just as they reached the top of the trail, the plain flattening so that they didn’t have to fight against their steps any longer, he spotted Yppha and Liu walking to their fronts. Abled to drag themselves along the path by their strong grip on Yppha’s hip, they more tumbled than walked up the path.

His mind had just wanted to wonder about how they’d all had the same thought of following the same path (and how endearing such an idea sounded to him), when Radeel popped up from a higher plain to their left. He had found a tiny slit in an already crumbling wall of stone, he said, pointing to an opening behind him. As they climbed up to him, he explained how the cave reached down, deep inside where they’d find shelter.

Each of them pushed through, creating a tiny increase in the opening’s width, until the loose stones had crumbled to such extent, they could’ve walked inside normally.

Here, while they benefitted of the entrance’s spaciousness, they caught their breath. Taeslir rushed to Deengar’s side when his feet gave out under him, and Yppha sat down on the floor in exhaustion. Between the shelter of Liu’s arms, he touched his wounded head, only reluctantly yielding for Liu’s aiding fingers. His head had tipped to the side of his neck, and Deengar averted his twisting mien when Taeslir pressed his fingers against his torso.

Taeslir and Liu had merely some scratches to complain about. Like the leaves swept away by the nightly breeze, their skin was only still grazed with dirty resemblances of cuts.

Lou glanced at Radeel, without a plan of what he could have done to ease his suffering had he found him in a state of severe injury. However, he’d have had enough willing heads and hands around him to come up with something.

He gulped as he met his glance.

His legs were shaking beneath him, his strength bundled by his hand on the wall. Claws dug into some cracks on the stone, his other hand pressed against his gaping wound. Tumbling, he approached him, claws slipping off the wall.

Lou unconsciously distanced himself, his steps carrying his back to the wall. He gasped as he bumped against unyielding stone, his eyes watering at unyielding red. No film covered them. No shield to decrease their colour.

Radeel stepped closer, his hand pressing into torn clothes. ‘What did you know?’

His voice was calm. Too calm for his breathing. The brightness in his eyes. The twitching of his lips.

‘Was it true what Laxseau said?’

‘I didn’t know, Radeel. He didn’t tell me – ‘

Lou didn’t catch how Radeel’s hand twitched at his side. He couldn’t have answered the sudden jolt – nobody could have. They were occupied with the volume of his voice. It was so silent, too silent for the hateful throw of his hand.

Pressing him against the wall, fingers tight around his throat, he asked Lou another time, ‘Which of what he said his true?’

Lou choked on a call of his name and raised his hands. Cold fingers scratched at Radeel’s wrist as he tried to console himself with some defensive kicking. As he caught Radeel’s glance, he failed. Sobbing, losing his breath, he felt how his rational string of thought thinned in his head.

‘Radeel!’

He didn’t see who it was, his hands fleeing to his throat as someone pushed between him and Radeel. Glancing at Radeel’s twitching eyes, from him to Taeslir, he pressed his hand against the wall. Pushing his weight on his feet, his voice into his throat.

‘I didn’t know,’ he repeated himself. ‘He showed me those stories and asked me what I thought of them. I didn’t know they were what he said they were.’

Radeel threw Taeslir off to the side, his hand reaching for Lou again. He glared at him. His fingers only resting on his throat. And somehow that was much more threatening.

‘But you knew he was sending them to someone! He told you and yet it didn’t strike your – ’

‘He said what I said! He was sending them to a little girl and an old man in the East.’

Radeel’s fingers tightened. Lou helplessly raised his own.

‘And how should an ordinary man and girl from the East have understood the stories in our language?’

His breath hitched. How was he supposed to have remembered –

He turned back to Radeel, meeting his eyes, and the grip on his throat tightened. As it stung, nails buried just below his jaw, he sobbed through sealed lips and tried to shift, bent, fight.

The colour in Radeel’s glance started to diminish again. ‘If you had told any of us…we’d have found out!’

His voice hollow, a sound Lou had thought to have deleted from his memory.

‘We’d have found out about no story ever coming out of Laxseau’s feather and surely nothing going to the East without care!’

Taeslir pulled on him again, but achieved nothing. His voice hollered distantly as Radeel’s glance swam before Lou’s eyes. He panicked, digging nails into skin, needing to get him away before claws could’ve scratched at his throat.

He cried out as he didn’t manage, and Taeslir acted, pulling Radeel away by his shoulder. He tumbled back, his palm hitting the opposite wall, but immediately readied for another step as claws jumped to his fingertips.

‘If you had only told us –’ his step fell heavily, and Lou could only weakly push against the wall – ‘we might not even be in this – ‘

‘Are you fucking dumb?!’ Deengar’s voice carried him in between them.

He caught Radeel by his wrist and forced him to lower his hand. Instantly, Lou curled his trembling fingers into Deengar’s shirt. He pressed closer to him when Radeel’s strength didn’t ease. ‘Lax would’ve just come up with another stupid excuse! Stop behaving like – ‘

‘What excuse are you talking about!?’ Radeel screamed, no more colour in his glance, a dead type of brown.

Everyone froze at his words.

Silently, Taeslir stepped closer again, his hands raised, although he appeared rather to surrender than defend himself as he purposely stayed away a good armlength to avoid another of Radeel’s grabs. ‘Do you think any of his words were the truth?’

Radeel’s stare didn’t budge, but his mien twisted, his forehead thrown into lines, his lips itching with responding, but his tongue unable to provide them with words.

‘He lied, Radeel,’ Liu tried to strengthen Taeslir’s remark while they remained at Yppha’s side. ‘Don’t tell me he made you– ‘

‘But Lou knew of it.’ His weak breath filled the room with what masses of floods were bubbling in his mind. ‘He just admitted that Laxseau had – ‘

‘He didn’t, what the fuck.’ Deengar pushed against him as he stepped forward, his fingers trembling. ‘What do you want to achieve with this? Scare him? Hurt him?’

Lou’s hand followed Deengar’s step forward, but his feet didn’t budge. He’d have abandoned the security of the wall, and he feared had it no longer stuck to his back like a caging companion, he’d have fainted.

‘Radeel.’ Yppha’s voice was softer, much softer than what Lou would’ve supposed to be needed for Radeel’s attention to be drawn away. Yet, upon the shallow sound, his eyes dropped to the level of Deengar’s shoulder. ‘I understand that you’re upset, but right now we can’t – ‘

Radeel raised his hand. Enough to make Yppha catch his breath in his throat.

It was as powerful as words longed and his muscles ached to be.

None of them dared to interrupted Radeel’s gesture. Only as his hand sank again to fumble with the chain on his belt, did they let go off their breaths. As he raised his head, he flicked his hand off into the air, and Deengar moved to the side. Lou tumbled after him, but froze when Radeel neared him.

‘We’ll need to head inside,’ Radeel whispered. As his fingers neared his face, Deengar worriedly stepped closer again. ‘We need some more width than this…and something less open.’

Lou could feel Radeel’s finger brush his throat, stinging against raw pieces of skin, but couldn’t move a muscle with Radeel’s glance missing as he leaned behind his ear.

He had never seen them as something to be worth owning. Never had their disappearance forced a frightened wail out of him, not when their reddened colour had still seemed like crimson, blood, and anger. But once they had turned into the compassionate shade of maturity, fondness, and warmth, no film able to blind their glistening delight, he had perceived them as a gift.

And to be deprived of his gift was harsher than those memories – almost as harsh as the snapping sound below his chin, Radeel’s fingers pulling his bowtie off his neck before his steps carried him away.

He jumped down a tiny slope, steep despite some stones acting as a stairway.

Chapter Text

Lou glanced after Radeel, his gaze drawn far away into the blackening distance. As someone touched his arm, a hurried suck of air touched his lips.

Liu jumped a little at his reaction, their hands retreating while they apologised, ‘I just wanted to make sure you were fine.’

They lowered their gaze, eyes placed on his throat. ‘Is something hurt?’

Lou shook his head and lowered his glance. He buried his fingers inside the fabric on his stomach as each of them slowly stood up or staggered past him, his lungs slowly disobeying.

Yet, he’d have managed just fine.

To dwell inside this discomfort a little, with too little room available, had he not been told to follow Radeel’s lead. To a place where he had no reason to come back up from as no one would’ve ever assumed his presence, let alone went after him, had he just disappeared.

The threat radiated from each of them. He’d already dreaded that the feeling was to return for the past few days. As if his unconscious mind had smelled some reawakening, he had been robbed of his sleep, deprived of an empty mind, and bound to hope for the worst. The best was never to embrace him, never without a price, and as Radeel’s footsteps echoed from below, he doubted whether the reward was to compensate the price this time. His lungs were running their own game now, the images in his mind flashing their own trickery.

He jumped as someone collided with his shoulder, but freed the breath he was holding when Yppha clumsily blinked up at him. Liu had rushed after him, but even while they were trying to pull him off, he tumbled over.

‘It’s alright,’ he said after he had tripped again, and his hand pressed against Lou’s shoulder. ‘Give him time to process. He didn’t mean it.’

His eyes flickered to his throat. ‘I’ll make sure he doesn’t do it again.’

Lou didn’t refuse a small smile, touching his lips just until Yppha glanced up at him. It formed the slightest opening in this developing storm, even if it came from someone who couldn’t live up to what he had promised. Another tumble sent him flying, and Lou rushed to his aid, reassuring either of them when he pulled him to his feet.

So, they moved. Downward.

Yppha’s breath lost more of its steadiness as they had to drag him along, squeezed into the middle of them. As they paused for him to catch his breath, he piped up, proposing less of an inquiry although his words were asking how Radeel could keep up this pace while he was injured himself. It rather resembled a quiet wonder he couldn’t supress – a desperate push of thoughts to distract himself.

Lou’s glance jerked to Liu briefly, and although they didn’t exchange any words, they simultaneously pulled on Yppha, and challenged their way into the cave, lulling Yppha into silence with meaningless guesses. They continued to talk about anything that sprung to their minds, even if it was as little as a remark alluding to an oddly looking stone. Anything; just anything to keep Yppha afloat the floods trying to empty him of his power.

When they arrived at a deeper spot, spaciousness welcomed them as the walls were carved into something that resembled a room. They put Yppha down, his back leaning against a stone, his head sunken into his neck. Liu quickly fetched some tiny bottles from their vest, pouring something into them that soon enlightened the entire room in a cold whiteness. It didn’t quite look like a flame, more like the light of the moon, without possessing nearly enough beauty and calmness.

With a weak tumble in his step, Lou distanced himself from Yppha, following Liu’s quiet request of not interfering.

(Request; they had shoved him out of the way when he had been staring at the cave’s carvings, and explained they’d be quicker in taking care of Yppha themselves.)

So, Lou parted from their side and turned around, sighting a weird puddle of fresh water. It filled the middle of the room as it flowed from somewhere on the ceiling, waterdrops slowly sliding down a stone pole. Just thick enough in diameter to count as a barrier, Lou caught Radeel’s figure behind it. He had kneeled and was scooping water on his wound, the gaping red colouring the water beneath his palm.

The picture made Lou’s glance flicker to his own hands, fingers trembling as the same dark liquid stuck to them. He bent down, a sniff claiming his nose although he wanted everything but to smell what was lying on his skin.

His fingertips already brushed the surface, when Taeslir’s hurried voice called for him, a chill running down his spine before his head cocked. As he requested his presence, he rushed to his side. He led his hand on Deengar’s, which was clutched around parts of his coat. He had bundled it up and pressed it against his stomach.  

‘I need you to keep pushing.’

Their eyes meet.

‘Please.’

His irises jerked from one of Lou’s eyes to the other.

Lou nodded and looked down to the fabric, ignoring Deengar’s growled complaint about being able to press down himself. When he tried to pull away, he stemmed his hand against him, earning a hiss. He didn’t look up at the noise, wanting to ensure he didn’t allow any more blood to ooze from the wound, but noticed how Taeslir halted in his tracks.

His hand had frozen, a claw at the tip of his finger, while cutting open Deengar’s blouse. He was glaring at Deengar while the claw hovered inside the halfway torn piece of clothing.

Deengar fell silent.

Taeslir cut off the remains of clothing, tearing them off in one go, triggering another hissed cry. Deengar attempted to conceal it, his breath hitting sealed lip. Lou noticed how his fingers tightened beneath his own and steadied the pressure on the wound, looking down on Deengar’s painful clutch.

Then, he noticed the blood.

On the stone under them. Behind his back. Still on his hands. Odour ascending into his nose. He realised as if he was hit by a flood, as if thoughts and images were painfully oozing from a wound of his own. And watching the blood run from Deengar’s shoulder, his former covering clothes fully removed, he could not even gulp anymore. Too afraid of the taste that the wound, spanning across his whole left side in a clean cut, might leave on his tongue, he silently choked on the lump in his throat. The smell was enough, overwhelmingly enough, and he glared at Taeslir, hoping to find a secured expression, telling him he knew what to do.

Instead, he stared. His expression closer to a twisted distortion of pain than Deengar’s.

‘Liu? Do you have something for stitches with you?’ His question was shallow despite the overwhelming excess of emotion plastered on his face. When he turned around, his fingers crawled into Deengar’s arm, twitching.

‘Why would you need –… isn’t it healed yet?’ They let their glance rise, muscles freezing once their head rose. Turning back to Yppha, a command on their lips and the needed wettened cloth pushed into position on his head, they sprung to their feet.

Yppha, as he was told, pressed the cloth against his head, his gaze unable to follow Liu’s movement.  

They stripped off their jacket, their usually swift manner lost in the trembling of their hands, and laid it out in front of them. Their hands were hovering over the varying potions, seemingly hesitating. As if their fingers had fallen under the spell of their wandering thoughts, they unnecessarily rummaged around them, pulling on one and the same ampule multiple times.

Right as Taeslir turned back to the blood flowing from Deengar’s body, they leapt toward them and pressed a bottle into Taeslir’s palm before rushing to Radeel’s side.

‘Drink this! I only have two, but Yppha will manage without,’ they blurted, fingertips dancing over the stubble when Radeel did no more than sceptically glance at it. ‘It’s for stopping the blood flow.’

Taeslir looked over his shoulder while his hands were still stemmed against Deengar. ‘Are you sure that it will– ‘

‘Yes, I tested it. It works just– ‘

‘What’s in it?’ Radeel’s voice was dry, as if the loss of blood had affected a bodily function hardly connected to one another.

‘What? It…It’s Vita and…–it’s mine and some other stuff. Just…just take it.’ They pushed the bottle into Radeel’s hands, fingers visibly trembling.

As he didn’t grab it, their breath lost its grip.

Radeel’s eyes darted at them, piercing with the little colour they had left. ‘Where’s it from?’

Liu’s words failed them, lungs incapable of refocusing on their breath.

Taeslir’s soft call of their name soothed the phenomenon. His tone much softer as they locked eyes. ‘Liu, where’s it from?’

He smiled in encouragement, but Liu choked on their breath, their expression drawn to the floor. Panic in their eyes.

‘What do you…? – I made it.’ Their voice cracked, tears welling beneath a colourless blue. They turned to Radeel. ‘What are you suggesting? I made it myself from a notebook…because – because I wrote it down in it and – ‘

‘That’s not the point. I want to know where – ‘

‘The point is that I’m dying. So, shut your shit-damned mouths,’ Deengar snapped at them and reached for the vial in Taeslir’s hand, grabbing it from the loose grip of shaking fingers.

Liu turned back to Radeel after they had watched Deengar gulp down their mixture, and, wiping their knuckles over each of their eyes once, tried to hold onto a trembling smile. Eyes moved in a circle before Radeel took it, loosened the stubble, and flicked it off. He brought the bottle to his lips.

Once the last bobbing motion met Radeel’s throat, they lowered their glance to their hands, their tears still a film layer on their skin. ‘You’ll need to drink some blood in the next forty-eight hours though…or it will have negative effects.’

Radeel looked up at them, a flame in his glance, and pushed the vial into their chest with a grunt. He averted himself by dipping his hand into the water again.

Lou’s glance drifted to Deengar, delighted that no more blood was flowing from his wound. Taeslir was already working on the wound, and Lou only now realised they had nothing at their disposal for fixing it up. He turned around, spotting some bandages to his back, and inquired how much they could use. Liu responded they had all they need.

He should ask Radeel how much was needed for his wound.

They never glanced at Lou. They never caught the look of horror sweeping over his face at that suggestion.

‘I don’t need any of them,’ Radeel crudely grunted, and the expression vanished.

Liu turned to look at the bundled supplies, their breath quietly sailing over their shoulder, a frown above their eyes. They hardly whispered, ‘Give him one of them. For the first layer’, but Lou heard them, panicked eyes watching how Liu’s attention returned to Yppha.

With a knot in his muscles, Lou took a chance at the thinnest roll Liu had gestured to. It felt itchy in his fingers, his thoughts all too easily invited by the peculiar feeling, dragging him away from what his attention should have been dedicated to. Like this, he remained seated, crawling to the side a bit, balancing his weight on his knees as he put the bandage on the floor a good two metres away from Radeel. Once it was placed, he rushed back to Taeslir’s side, clenching his fingers back around Deengar’s.

Deengar’s dissatisfied grunts perpetuated; he was repeatedly claiming them of that category; ‘dissatisfied’, lest the others caught notice of his pain. And whenever Taeslir worriedly halted, asking whether he was hurting him, he raised his voice, almost screaming at him to shut up and continue.

Lou only continued with what he had been doing; pressing once, pressing a bit harsher whenever Deengar decided to resist their necessary help. And while Taeslir was getting his hands on some water behind him, his glance strayed to Yppha. Because of Liu’s doing, quicker and more precise than Taeslir, who was still trembling when he returned with a wettened cloth, he could maintain a somewhat straightened stance again. And although his eyes were absently blinking at nothing across the room, his focus seemed to return with the finalising pulls of Liu’s fingers along his head.

Taeslir had used the remaining bandages to fix up Deengar’s wounds. He slung pieces of their clothing around them as the outer layer, each torn from something relatively clean, and just as Liu rushed to Taeslir’s side in a tender thought of aiding, Deengar finished the last knot above his abdomen.

Taeslir looked at the bloodied knot, a dried red sticking to Deengar’s waistband beneath the improvised bandage. Not registering Liu’s careful touch on his wrist, he whispered, ‘That was a slash right across your upper half and a hole from an arrow down on your stomach.’

Hands finally succumbed to their tremble. Liu squeezed his wrist.

‘Your fault for saying we should do what we thought was best in the situation.’ Deengar’s mumble was interrupted by a hiss as he pulled himself up, hands reaching for the wettened cloth. ‘Someone had to take the hits for you morons to remain unharmed.’

He chuckled lightly, but the noise died as he winced. He looked up while washing the blood off his hands as best as he could. The expression he met, plastered on Taeslir’s face with genuine pain, gave him a shiver, and he dropped the cloth. A tremble clung to him as sorrow did to Taeslir’s flameless eyes.

‘You didn’t shield all of us…just mentioning if you want to brag,’ Yppha quietly said, the whisper enough to arouse their attention. He chuckled weakly as they fell silent.

‘That’s what they’re making up for.’

Deengar’s response made Yppha smile, taking joy in seeing Deengar pick up the rope he had thrown at him.

‘Treating what we couldn’t shield off –‘ he hissed as he tried to stem his arm against the stones to his back– ‘and Liu’s life saving energy shit was powerful enough to not let us bleed out over here.’

His gaze swayed to Radeel, but he met no face as he was absently staring at the coloured water to his front. He let it wander to Taeslir instead, catching the rise of his lips.

As Liu’s grip on his arm turned harsher, Taeslir turned his head at them. He opened his mouth to inquire for a reason, but no more than a couple of words fled him before he was interrupted.

The call for Liu, a hoarse sound from Radeel’s lips, made all their heads turn.

‘Just how much power could you possess if you use your Vita right?’

‘That depends on what you’d want to use it for…but closing your wounds was the mightiest use I had –‘

‘Could you locate someone’s whereabouts?’

‘I…no. I can’t, why? But it should be possible with the right –‘

‘Could Treces do that?’

‘Well, yes….probably’ – Liu failed to focus on Radeel’s glare when their expression saddened at how ruthlessly he had interrupted them– ‘but he’d need a corresponding part of the Vita he wants to track and likely something to pull him right to the place where said Vita –’

They fell silent, their glance falling to the ground.

When they raised it again, they looked at Lou, a glassy sparkle shining in their irises. The fiery stare sent his fingers into his vest, curling right atop his heart. Its beating echoed in his ears, a vehemency he had never sensed before.

‘Can you get it out of him?’ Radeel asked, Liu’s eyes springing back to him in a seemingly painful twitch.

‘Yes, but I don’t have anything for the procedure on me…it’s dangerous like this and –‘

‘Get Laxseau’s energy out of him.’

‘–and it’s painful.’

‘Get it out.’

Lou blamed his silent gulp for attracting Liu’s gaze again. He hardly met their eyes, but they rose to their feet, a shake around hands and knees, around their voice, saying he should follow them; they needed some flat ground.

He wanted to ask them if they could pull something like this off. In the middle of a cave. Where deadness lingered like grass on a field. But beside their heartbeats, no sound touched the empty room.

At a pull on his arm, the joint in his wrist froze and he just couldn’t. He just couldn’t let them pull him to his feet. He stemmed against their strength, using all of his own.

At the picture, Taeslir jumped to his feet, fingertips buried in his palms.

‘What’s the deal with you!?’ His voice would’ve been shrilling even without the cave’s cramping walls creating an echo. ‘Liu said it was dangerous and their at their limit!’

‘Do you want us to walk out of here after nightfall and run right back into their hands?’ Radeel rose to his feet. He didn’t permit Taeslir’s glance to strike his, stance straightened as he stepped from the water source. ‘We need to choose risks and pain over getting caught!’

No one dared to speak out on the topic when Radeel lowered himself to the floor off at the side, visualising his distant mental state with the physical gap.

And just as their tongues were tied, their muscles were incapable of moving, as another option silently ventured into the empty space. Blooming from Taeslir’s defending words and Radeel’s denial. Pulsating within the confined space, almost like the muscle within Lou’s chest, it almost buzzed inside their ears.  

Bu it was weak, unconvincing. The only other option: to preserve Lou’s wellbeing over their all’s safety.

Chapter Text

No one dared to raise their voice again, Radeel’s words creeping into their heads, pinning them to the floor. Like smoke that was creeping over dead ground, slithering around their bodies, they couldn’t even raise their glance at Lou any longer, couldn’t have considered his ideas about this situation. Considering the other option Lou had thought to have seen.

Against their silence, no words wanted to touch Lou’s lips, no flinch his muscles as Liu touched his arm. He felt how his fingertips voluntarily followed their lead, his vision blurring when they pushed him down to some flat ground.

Only when their touch left him, their hands returning to their vest, searching, shaking, did he realise what their behaviour implied. Unquestioned obedience.

He couldn’t gulp at the knot in his throat, the little of what confidence he had thought to possess dying in the pits of his stomach, devoured by the sickening churn burning him from the inside. As Liu turned back to him with an ampule balanced between their fingers, the nausea rose to his throat, but he didn’t open his mouth. He didn’t resist their dead touch on his knee; he’d obey them.

If he didn’t act on any of his own thoughts, they couldn’t hold him accountable for anything that happened.

The idea stemmed from bygone behaviour, luring him with the feeling of safety he had once been so sure of. He wanted to follow the easiest way. The way that would lead his mind away from here. Out of the cave. Out of this cage.

The clinking of the ampule, fallen from the trembling hands to his front, finally made him flinch, his muscles tensing beneath his chin. Down his neck. He choked. His gasp for air teared him from the cushioned place he’d been walking to, and his coughs revealed to him what they were asking of him; whose body he was allowing them to tamper with.

Liu looked back at him at the devastating sound, their shaky fingers quickly back on his arm. ‘It’s okay, Lou, you’re doing great…you’re…’

His head spun as they mumbled on, their words tumbling over each other in their meaninglessness. When they touched his shoulder again, he couldn’t hold back the lump in his throat anymore and pulled away. But his voice suffered the sour taste running through his stomach and throat just.

‘Liu, wait,’ he whispered, though his lungs had wanted to scream.

He couldn’t convince them as they pulled closer. ‘I’ll manage, don’t worry. It’s– ‘

‘I told you to stop!’

He moved his hands, trying to distance, to shield himself, and stemmed his head against his palms, every thought crumbling into his hands. Unable to tell when his lips parted, he only felt his breaths leaving him, the sour taste transferred to his lips, the feeling in his throat turned to sobs.

With his head this awfully clear, he almost envied the shallow glimpse of himself inside his head.

He felt the tears wetting his wrists and cheeks as he realised Liu heeded his request, but couldn’t unstiffen his neck. As they called for him, their voice clear but lifeless, he choked on a sob.

‘Please stop, just–‘ he ran his fingers through his hair, damped with sweat– ‘I know we have to do it, okay?’

He tensed as Liu sucked in a breath, their nimble figure shifting to his front, their hands hovering over his body as they didn’t know what to touch or soothe or squeeze. A chuckle tore from his throat as he noticed their panic in the nudging of their knee against his, and he fell forward, his fingers colliding with Liu’s collarbone.

He sobbed as he realised he couldn’t act on what he wanted. For the feeling of want seemed so strange to him, he doubted he could still articulate it. Even if he knew he deserved every bit of it.

A breath hitched inside his throat. ‘I just can’t –…I can’t let you; I don’t want to.’

Why was he crying?

‘Please, don’t kill me.’

Liu sobbed at his words, their arms creeping around him, but didn’t dare to hold onto him too tightly. Too shaky were their hands under their guilty breaths, their heart skipping a beat when Lou pulled on their sleeve.

Yppha pushed up the wall as neither of them raised their voices again and, while flicking off Taeslir’s worried jump for him, tumbled closer. His hand readied next to his knee, his back in a slump, as if he expected a fall, he managed to sit down next to them. He pat Liu on the shoulder. Tears clung to their glance as they looked at him.

He sighed and turned away, his head spinning at the glance over his shoulder. Liu tried to steady him, but their touch was as good as useless.

‘Radeel,’ Yppha breathed, his glance needing another two seconds to unblur. ‘We can’t do this right now. No one’s in the state to handle –‘

‘So, what about getting caught first thing in the evening?’

As if entering the cave had given his mind an opportunity to escape, he had left colour, compassion, and himself outside. Where they were to rot in the bright sunlight under which no particle of a vampire survived.

‘We can only hope their trail of thought doesn’t catch up as fast. None of us would’ve –‘

The colour in his glance thickened. ‘Yppha.’

It was enough to make him drop his head, but Taeslir pushed to his feet behind him. ‘You can’t just act as if this was your decision alone! If it’s safer for everyone involved to do it later, we need to –‘

‘You know fighting the truth won’t do us good!’ Radeel leapt forward, but he quickly collapsed back into place and hissed in pain. His fingers crawled into his side to hide the sound. ‘Especially you should know how we look at –‘

‘Will you stop interrupting us!’ Feet carried Taeslir forward, his exclamation chilling the blood inside Lou's veins.

Deengar leaned to his side behind Taeslir, the distance between them having worsened his view on Radeel, and Lou noticed how his breathing heightened.

Taeslir took a deep breath, but his hands were still shaking at his hips. ‘With safer I mean calmer. If we can avoid irresponsible risks, we’ll do that. Even you must see that Liu is in no condition to perform anything, and neither is Lou.’

He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, the awkward tiptoeing revealing how his usual response to Radeel’s decisions looked different.

A covert plea rested in his voice as neither Lou nor Liu had calmed down behind his back. ‘Don’t push anyone by acting like you don’t care.’

Radeel’s eyes widened, and he pushed himself up against the wall, his palm slipping once before he caught himself with a grunt on his lips. Stabilised, he glared at Taeslir, whose hands succumbed to their tremble at the colour in Radeel’s eyes.

‘As if I didn’t care?’ His fingertips didn’t part from the wall, a tumble in his step as his balance eluded him. When he caught himself, his glance returned. He limped forward, stance straightening with the pull he placed on his chin. ‘What I care about is that we leave this hole alive.’

Yppha was eyeing him, Liu’s hand still enclosed around his arm.

‘Calmer…you’re talking about calmer. I don’t give a shit about calmness and security…this needs to be done! Now. And all of you know!’ His eyes struck Lou’s, for a breath, a blink of his eyes, before his expression changed. Muscles ran their own play just until Radeel let his teeth sink into the softness of his cheek. When his eyes rose once more they appeared wider, less like something one would want to own.

‘Risks…’ – his teeth gritted, pants flooding his pause – ‘why should we take risks for a life that does not matt-‘

'Shut up!' Yppha yanked himself out of Liu’s hold. His knees buckled, but his call for silence made Radeel tumble back against the wall.

‘Shut up, Radeel!’ he repeated himself, his voice pulling him forward. His eyes burned at him. ‘You will shut up. Right now.’

Radeel’s eyes widened at the volume in Yppha’s voice, the power in his throat.

‘I will not let you finish that disgusting idea!’ His lungs heaved and his words turned breathless, but his voice roared with something Lou hadn’t heard before. Taeslir tumbled a couple of steps at the sheer strength. ‘I’ll not allow you to build yourself a situation you do not mean, and which you will never be able to make up for.’

He tripped again, but caught himself swifter than before. ‘Do not take words into your mouth that are not yours.’

The buckling on his knees won, sending him for a haste to the wall, calves burning after his clumsy rescue of a fall. Radeel wanted to rush toward him, eyebrows bending in a way which appeared more human now. But Yppha jerked his head at him.

‘You will stand down.’ His fingers trembled toward his bandages, and his eyes sank with a whine. He still struck Radeel’s glance another time. ‘And you’ll shut up.’

The lower of Radeel’s back bumped against the wall, a step having sent him backward with just enough force to make him wince. As he saw how Taeslir already stood by Yppha’s side, his glance fell. A glassiness glistening in his eyes.

As his glance flickered, the tiny regret Lou had thought to have spotted disappeared behind a darkened mien.

He sniffed upon the realisation – convinced himself of having imagined it. Pushing away from Liu, he turned to Yppha, safely placed behind him by Taeslir’s doing. Although he swallowed, gaseous mud sticking to his windpipe, his voice wasn’t less of a quiver when he raised it.

‘He’s right though,’ he mumbled, and Taeslir halted in his tracks, his hands still on Yppha’s shoulder. ‘I don’t want to put you all at risk…or myself.’

A sad smile crossed his lips.

‘Lou, you don’t have to –’ Yppha’s voice sounded rasp, strained by his earlier scream.

‘I know. I just –’ His volume sank with his head, glance falling to Liu’s thigh. The greyish colour of the stone felt too cold. ‘I don’t…I don’t want to lose my –‘

He caught a sob in his throat.

Liu’s hands hastened to Lou’s, clasping them in their usual squeeze ‘I won’t. I know what I can do.’

They raised their eyebrows once their glances met, their expression sincere, though sprinkled with bits of panic. They glowed though, brightened by their vampiric exceptionality. It calmed.

‘I won’t kill you.’ They finished their promise with a shake of their head. The corners of their lips began to tremble, but they forced a smile to them. ‘It just hurts.’

Lou’s eyes darted to his fingers, wrapped in Liu’s, which shakily pulled away after they had noticed his stare on them. But Lou’s grasp tightened, holding onto the feeling of touch which felt too intimate, but also all too soothing. Raising his head to get the picture out of sight, he tried to refrain from clenching Liu's hands.

His nod invited Liu’s hand to his upper arm, and he tried to ignore the temperature of it. When their hand started to slide off him, his glance jerked at them again. ‘But I want to know what you will do.’

Liu nodded and told him about some symbol they’d need to draw on his skin, right above his heart, their hands readying what they needed.

‘Once I’ve done that, I’ll…I’ll...’ Their glance saddened, lips remaining parted, before a turn of their head pulled their face away. They scanned through the items placed to their side. ‘I don’t have any scalpels with me…so I’ll use my claw to retrace the symbol. It’ll soak into your skin.’

Their eyes darkened, suddenly dull and contemplating, as if a blanket was thrown over them. Lou indicated them to continue with a nod.

‘I’ll have to’ – they moved their hand into Lou’s field of sight, bending their index and middle finger – ‘pull it out of you.’

Lou’s eyes went wide, but Liu hastened on, 'to do that I’ll ram my claws right into the middle of the symbol. It won’t leave a scar, almost like the eye of a storm.’ They chuckled, but swallowed the noise sooner than it filled the room. ‘But the symbol will fill with red – your blood if you want – underneath your skin. And I only have time until it reaches the other edges. It’s completely safe as long as I stick to that rule…for your life at least.’

‘And for everything else?’ The pitch in his voice was too high as that he could've swallowed it.

‘Could you trust me if I said that it only adds to the risk if you know about any possible...negative result?'

Lou forced his tongue in between his back teeth for his mouth to open for him, pants fleeing through parted lips. He nodded. (What other option did he have?) While he buttoned up his shirt, he remembered their other ritual. He pronounced his question if hypnosis wasn’t to work.

Liu shook their head. ‘If something happens you won’t wake up anymore.’

They froze as they realised the bluntness of their words, eyes carrying an apologetic look when they turned around. Their hand held a tiny brown casket. Removing the lid revealed a dark purple powder.

Dunking their index finger inside, they locked eyes with Lou. ‘I got this.’

They seemed as serious as Lou had seen them in their room, sitting inside the circle on the floor. Lou focused on their fingertip, connected with his skin. The powder didn’t feel dry as he had expected, but smeary and warmer than the temperature of their skin.

They blinked at him one last time. ‘You got this.’

And he nodded.

Not seeing any reason in remembering, he didn’t pay attention to what Liu drew on him. But he noticed the tremble in their lines. Their deepening breaths didn’t help, and as they caught sight of Lou's fingers, cramped in his shirt, their technique failed. They placed the casket on the floor, fingers shaking too strongly to hold onto it.

They warned him, once done, about going on to the next step. Despite their assurance of not hurting him, Lou flinched as they retraced the symbol. As he closed his eyes though, he realised with what gentleness Liu’s claw cut over his skin. It almost felt wrong, too careful for such a deadly piece.

As Liu pulled away, a sour taste rose to his mouth. The thought of swallowing it made his head spin, panic clinging to his breaths when Liu’s glance rose, but it wasn’t him they were looking at.

Unusually quiet, they looked at Taeslir behind Lou’s back. ‘I’ll need you to hold him down.’

Lou allowed Liu to push him to the floor, their words explaining that the next step would be easier like this meaning nothing to him.  His blouse stuck to his back, a wetness creeping around his spine, and his fingers felt numb with how much warmth had fled from his muscles. Pressed against the floor like this, he suddenly felt like he’d start shivering, but as Liu climbed over him, legs on either side of his hips, he froze.

They held a piece of leather between their fingers. It reassembled part of a belt, but wasn’t entirely thick or long enough for one. At first he had thought it was supposed to be a restraint, aiding Taeslir in the request, but as Liu eyed him, and when his glance fell on it another time, he saw that it was only as large as his lips.

The crack in Liu’s voice almost hurt. ‘Safety.’

Lou took it, obliging to what he was supposed to do. His teeth sank into the leather, but he kept his tongue away from it, fearing the taste it might place on the sensitive muscle. Then, he moved his hands to Taeslir, the stretch above his head feeling as if he handed over a part of his body. And right, oh right when Lou had thought he had achieved some certainty, he spotted Liu closing their eyes.

Their breath hitched as they tried to inhale.

He knew their manner; his own eyes had closed right before his performance on Taeslir.

That's why the expression he met when Liu opened their eyes didn’t come with a surprise.

So, he faked it as well. Faked his certainty as best as he could, closed his eyes, in a way to block out what was about to happened, and let go of his breath.

Yppha carefully traced his hand over his shoulder, but as Liu pushed their claw into him, he needed to tighten his grip. He stemmed his remaining strength against Lou’s shoulder. His glance jerking at the muffled scream escaping from Lou’s lips.

Lou tried to jerk out of Taeslir’s restraint on his arms, but the only way was upward, Yppha’s little strength ceasing against his push. Just that, like that, he pressed right into the cause for the sting, the spark permeating through his limbs.

He sobbed as his muscles stiffened against the coldness.

He felt how Liu spread their fingers; just a tiny twitch, but his screams answered for him. His muscles ached against the restraint, but he couldn’t cry. The burn on his chest incinerated his tears. Killed them. Killed the voice inside his throat.

‘Liu!’

He thought it was Yppha’s voice, but he wasn’t sure.

He wanted to scream. To make use of that uncontrolled noise.

The warmth turned chilling. Deadening slices slithered over his skin, even if Liu’s fingers remained perfectly still, and he begged for them to halt. 

He longed to tear. Tear his arms from Taeslir, falsely convinced he would get Yppha off him by himself.

‘It’s almost at the edges!’ Lou couldn’t hear Taeslir’s yell. ‘Liu!’

‘I’m on it, I’m –‘

He craved to have it end. End it one way or another, in this state his will seemed small, his wrath but a flickering flame.

His ears drowned out the frantic begs of Liu’s name. Some fell from Taeslir's and Yppha’s lips. Most came from his own. He couldn’t blame anything, not even his own objectified idea of agreeing to this.

‘Liu!’

‘There, there…I –’

They yanked their hand away, fingertips covered in the smeary powder, smudged red at some places. They glanced at the twirling pieces around them until the motion died out.

The screams that had scratched at his vocal chords finally turned audible. To his own ears. Noticeable to his own senses. He shook his head as he started trashing on Taeslir’s hands. His fingers picking the belt from his mouth. Arms around his torso. Too many. Too little of his own.

He wanted to place his fingers against his lips. They produced noises of shameful quality. He couldn't bring them to an end.

Mid-air, Liu caught his hand. ‘Lou, you need to calm down. Your heartrate needs to be lower for you not to –‘

Their breath hitched as Lou blinked up at them.

Tears were falling without end in sight. A sob tore from his lips, and Liu’s face dropped. ‘I’m sorry, Lou, I’m – I didn’t mean to.’

Their limit. Taeslir had falsely named it earlier as it appeared in full glory.

They tried to pull him into their arms, fingers trembling around his cheeks, but their touch fell upon Taeslir's intervening. He pulled their hands away and hardly pulled on their jawline when they already turned and pressed into his side.

Lou watched them, the image blurry and causing a headache. He jerked when Yppha's hand brushed  his arm. He pressed him against his chest, his hand crawling into his hair as Lou shifted closer on his own strength. As Yppha placed his palm on his chest, he flinched and tried to grab his fingers and pull him off, but as he weakly pressed his hand into him, matching the rhythm to his own breathing, Lou realised what he was trying to do.

And so he let him, wanting to focus on something other than pain.

He turned his head when Yppha’s aid couldn’t fully satisfy him.  His hand shook as he wiped it over his eyes, wetness sticking to skin.  He turned up his nose, but raised his glance.

He knew how much his eyes would hurt him, how pained he'd be by the colour in Radeel's glance, but he still strained the muscles in his neck. He told himself he wouldn't get to see his glance on him, his eyes flickering in disappointment.

But he met them. And honesty. The most vulnerable shade of red clung to Radeel's eyes, furrowed companions lying above them. His lips were parted, but his lungs didn't initiate any flow of air.

He was shaking as he looked away, his knuckles pressed to his lips, and his eyes glistened with something other than anger.

Yppha quietly called for him as he realised he was breathing normally again, but as he looked back he didn’t lock eyes with him. Instead, he reached for Liu and squeezed their hand.

They were nestled against Taeslir, but raised their glance at the touch. Nodding at them, no words left Lou's lips, but Liu didn’t ask for them. A smile painted their face as they realised he was doing fine, and they crawled out of Taeslir’s hold and handed him another vial, a familiar oil flapping around in it.

He applied it to his skin himself as Liu mumbled how the reddened skin would still be visible for some time, but the oil made it less sensitive.

Lou nodded, without really paying attention. He forced himself to his feet, the vial halfway emptied on the floor, and carried himself to Deengar's side. Much to his disapproval, his weakened mind craved his presence. He wanted his strength on his side.

The spot next to him felt neutral; he felt his breaths slowing down as he pulled one leg to his chest. And with heaviness placed on his thoughts and heart, he sat next to him, as several pairs of flashing colours peeked at him every now and then.

Chapter Text

They had been travelling for another day, another cave offering shelter, when realisation had called for a change of plan. None of them had got much sleep the day before, but now, with the bygone events of the previous rest, eyelids were all only kept open by force. And unease.

Lou had sat down on a fallen tree, thickness showing of age, the moss on its side of long forgotten life. Night had fallen long ago, the temperatures sinking lower as dawn was near. Bent forward to his knees, elbows resting on his thighs, he tried to roll his stomach into another grumble, praying for it to sink into tensed muscles.

He hadn't eaten anything except for what little berries or fruits they had found on their way, animals seeming to avoid these haunted places. Lou shivered at the thought, not because another twist inside of him almost felt painful, but since those animals had been smarter than them last night. The cave they had entered, the reason for no sleep meeting anyone's minds, had revealed one major danger they had all forgotten about in the thrill of their escaping.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

He felt tired when they arrived, not paying attention to the cave, which was supposed to grant them security. The others were just loaded with adrenaline, the only reason everyone’s muscles were still moving, or were simply too engulfed in putting up with their pain to notice anything out of place. Only as Taeslir, crouching in front of him after he had bundled up at the floor, offered his coat to him, the triggering words were spoken.

Lou shook his head and explained he wasn’t cold. He did so while they were already resting their aches inside the cave, while the sun had already gone up outside.

It was rather warm inside the cave, he said. He caught a pair of eyes with his exclamation.

‘Just how warm is it?’ Radeel piped up, his glance flinging to Taeslir when Lou’s glance swayed at the question.

Taeslir looked up, eyes striking Radeel’s. He parted his lips, words edging off his tongue, but no word left him. He clenched his hands around the coat he was still holding out to Lou. His head sunk, fingers frozen in their cramped state, but his gaze, hearkening acuteness adorning his features, was anything but lost in thought. A glance to Deengar over his shoulder revealed similarities. Both gifted their attention to something out of Lou’s judging.

‘What’s wrong with the warmth?’ His question appeared a chuckle, but his eyes knew they were closer to watery drops than before. ‘What are you all –‘

Hearkening, his ears didn’t need to. It appeared as audible as his own shallow breath, almost like a scratch against the uneven surface, but softer, much smoother and slower. The noise wiggled across the ceiling. When it reached the spot right over Lou’s head, Deengar jumped, dragging Lou with him, and eyes darted to the upper part of the cave.

Taeslir acted on Deengar’s suggestion, Lou’s body soon finding itself shielded to his front as well. Indicating Liu to remain where they were, by themselves, he halted their leap for them. By this positioning, Yppha, Radeel and Liu remained single, fingertips of each readied to spark into action.

‘Need not scuttle.’ The voice originated from the top of the corner, after Deengar’s hurried pull had sent a grinding noise through the ceiling. Empathising the letter ‘s’ in its words, the hidden figure slid out from a crack in the stone, body hanging from the top before it moved to a small platform on the wall.

Just that its body didn’t get less. The lower half spun across the wall, coils rubbing against the stones, gnashing softly, while the human upper body halted midway on the platforms. Skin pitch black, except for tiny yellow outlines at its face, the coils became indistinct from the dark stones up there where no light of Liu’s lit bottles reached.

‘Hadn’t noticed you as well.’ As it moved into the light, a smile on its face, twisted and inhumane despite this part of it containing humanoid resemblance, everyone stepped away.

The picture of a slightly less coiled face, eyes possessing slits, tongue owning length; Lou had read about nagas. Once, twice, and while he understood their earlier concern about the cave’s heat, reptiles dependent on external sources, he also remembered why he had shunned illustrations of these beings.

‘Heard your so many voices. Not often another language comes here.’ The thin irises hardly adjusted to the change of lighting or position when the snake looked at Lou. ‘But only one human…bad.’

It spoke slowly while it neared a large hole on the ceiling, a closer look revealing another tunnel for it to squeeze through, sliding into it in a quicker pace once it found some grip.

‘Can’t do much with vampire flesh, tastes dead.’

His heart was racing as Deengar pushed against his chest, pressing him to the wall. He didn’t remember if his readings had stated anything of naga’s acute hearing, but just as he noticed the heavy thump in his chest, the snake, too, turned its head once more.  

‘We didn’t mean to enter your–‘ Yppha stopped on his own after the snake had coiled back, fangs targeting him from above.

‘You still did.’

Teeth disappeared behind closed lips.

‘You can pay…the stay’ – it slid upward –‘and you are hurt. Drastic. But will still not fight vampires. So, let us make a deal.’

‘We won’t give him to you.’ Deengar stepped forward, his hand still connected to Lou’s stomach. He fought the urge to grab his hand.  

‘Yes, know that. But a piece…you just need the blood; he will be alive.’

Lou felt something in his throat hindering him from breathing freely. Swallowing it was no solution though, and as the snake, adding it wouldn’t hurt them, slung its body around itself to stay at the top of the cave, Deengar stepped back.

Why no one dared to move a muscle as the creature grinned down on them, appeared sensible to Lou; Deengar and Taeslir remained still, senses meticulously readied for any move the creature might pursue. Yppha was doing his best by staying upright and appearing to be a fearful opponent, and while Liu didn’t possess a reason to not respond at first, Lou judged from their expression that they had no energy appropriate enough to counter the snake’s words.

At the last person though, his head swayed. Eyes weren’t resting on him; Radeel was looking at the snake, but upon Lou’s shift, his glance connected with his. The colour inside them still seemed to be but lifeless pigment. Just for that moment, Lou let go of his determination and clung to Deengar’s hand, dreading Radeel’s answer. While his throat put up all its might to restrain his whimper, Deengar pushed him back once more.

Radeel’s glance darted back to the creature. ‘You won’t get anything.’

Lou’s heart dropped. Unable to control himself at the differing outcome of what he had expected, he allowed a breath to leave his lips. At Deengar’s touch escaping him, his position adjusting to the snake spiralling closer to the bottom, Lou’s head cocked up.

So, he pressed against the wall himself. Distance between him and the snake. While it was stating its disappointment its words had swayed toward longer sentences, still weak in grammatical correctness, watching Lou attentively.

When he realised what it was doing, it was already too late. A yelp behind the stone wall to his back made him flinch. His body not jumping far with an arm wrapped around him. The visible snake shunned away from the centre of the room. He was looking at the weapon, stuck into the wall, making it crumble as it was pulled out. It faded into swirling crystallin pieces.

‘I said you’ll leave him alone.’ Radeel looked back to the snake and let his arm slide off Lou’s shoulder, his figure nowhere near leaving. Remaining readied to his side, he eyed the snake until it hissed and threw a frantic glance over its shoulder. Evident that its plan had failed, the scratching sound of its partner fleeing the scene coming from within the walls, slitted irises returned to Radeel, twitching deadly.

‘You be gone as soon night comes.’ It slithered away with its hiss, the empathised ‘s’ still sounding from the walls long after it had vanished.

Radeel didn’t looked at him before he went back to his spot, telling everyone they should remain apart as they couldn’t be attacked that easily. And while everyone did exactly that, the rest they had sought  disappeared into thin air.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Lou shuddered at the memory of feeling watched the entire time spent inside that hole. It benefited him now at least, reassured of no harm being nearby while they waited for Radeel and Liu to return from their scouting.

They had followed marked paths since the sun had set, placing hope in finding a small village at the foot of the mountains. Taverns providing accommodation often settled in these places, knowing that they didn’t need to attract customers as adventurers took whatever they could find while preparing for or recovering from their trips. Their little group seemed to be of latter appearance why they put trust in the idea of not getting checked anyhow. And especially Lou knew how seldomly any type of small business turned down customers.

His thoughts had drawn away his glance, vision occupied with the soundless rustling of the trees. The wind making them sweep to the side seemed to send them into a state of trembling, the leave's motion no more than an addition to the dread dripping from everything around here. In the liveliness of his imagination, Lou didn't notice the change of his expression. Neither so did he react to Taeslir’s approaching before he felt his touch on his forearm.

He cocked his head, his eyes watery and his fingers cold. Taeslir didn't comment on it. Or raise his voice at all. His glance dropped to a sentiment of compassion before he pushed away, fingers still brushing over his arm when he spoke up.

‘We should just drop him off at the next big city. If we are going south people should speak our language again.’

Yppha's glance swayed but a little at the statement, limbs and reactions rendered slow in his state of no recovery.

‘What? No!’ Lou stemmed his arm to the side to glance at Taeslir's face. ‘I don't want to.’

‘You're weakened, we can't take responsibility because we –‘

‘Yeah, of course I am. We’ve been wandering through lifeless territory the past few days. I'll be fine with just a bed and food.’

Taeslir replaced the weight on his feet. As his step fell to the grass, he looked at Lou.

‘You're being irrational. We can barely function as anything right now; you're adding risks with every step you take.’

Lou’s eyes widened as a hollowness swept over his face, taking the tears he had blinked away back into the corners of his eyes.

‘What are you trying to say?’ His voice cracked at his question, the turn of Taeslir’s head hiding his expression.

He brushed his hand through the loose strands on his forehead, a mix of exhaustion and distress making them stick to his temples. Lou could see how he turned up his nose after his glance had met something in the distance.

‘I just... You shouldn't –’

A thump to his back made him choke on his words, a quiet exclamation of surprise sailing over his lips as he turned around.

‘I'm fine, I'm…,’ Deengar blurted and heaved himself back onto the stone he had been sitting on. Patting around his hip to rid himself of the mud he had taken with him from the surface, he didn't notice Lou approaching him. He took a hold of his wrist when he sensed him to his side, repeating his statement. Upon realising the strength of his grasp, his anger vanished, and he let go off Lou.

Lou's head swayed to Taeslir. ‘How do you expect me to leave like this? You'll find no one in this region who'll willing give you some blood.’

He sighed and plumped down on the little space next to Deengar. ‘You’re not even accepting mine though.’

‘Because I'm fine, for shit's sake. Liu's damned potion still works until we arrive somewhere.’

Narrowed eyes blinked at Deengar, but he averted his gaze. While he was searching for acknowledging thoughts with Taeslir, Lou grumped lowly. His hand flew to Deengar's hip at an idea sparking up in his mind. Once he got hold of what he wanted, Deengar’s hand flew to the place as well, but as he didn’t dare raise his strength against him another time, Lou managed to pull out his dagger from the sheath. Pressing it to the piece of skin on his forearm, he gained everyone's eyes on him.

‘I'm just done with all of this. I'll force you to drink something if you don't –’

‘Fine! Fine…’ Deengar pulled Lou's fingers away from the knife. ‘Put that fucking thing away, what the fuck.’

He grabbed the knife from him, placing it back into its secured patch before his glance fell on Lou's arm already beneath his eyes. His brows furrowed, but he glanced to the droplet of blood sticking to Lou's skin. The wound he had created in haste wasn’t large enough the let the liquid flow down his arm, yet it didn't need to flow for Deengar's fingers to wrap around his wrist.

A flinch was inevitable, but Lou finally felt content once the sparking pierce shot through his arm.

Just as Deengar's suck was hungry, longing identifiable in his inability to control himself, Lou noticed another set of lust peeking at him. However, the glow in Taeslir’s eyes disappeared before he could've chased after them. Instead, his fingers tightened around his clothing, and his lower lip gained the pressure of shattering teeth.

Yppha had been too busy; not falling asleep, not breaking down on the little strength he still possessed, why Lou spotted no brightened dart at him. He was staring at him, but as eyelids gave in to their urge of closing, the dull colour of his eyes disappeared sooner than he asked Deengar to stop.

Lou intended to pull away, but at Deengar's word of gratitude, he froze. He halted with his hand still on the stone and allowed a smile to crawl over his lips. The twitch was sincere, despite tiredness and pain, so that Lou plumped back down on the fallen tree in contentment.

Taeslir had made sure his glance didn’t strike Lou’s while he was walking to Yppha’s side, and as Lou didn't feel the need to pick up their lost conversation, he decided to leave it to rot in these dampen area of wood, stone, and mud. He’d have forgotten about what Taeslir had implied, hadn't Yppha dropped into his side upon his arrival at the fallen tree.

‘Lou, can you...’ His voice wasn't mightier than the lifeless wind of the night. ‘Please, tell Taeslir to be quiet.’

He tried to blink up at him, but failed as his muscles didn’t want to tense for him. Placing his hand, trembling and paler than usual, on the wounded side of his head, he almost plumped over.

Lou caught him, trying to make him focus on him, but Yppha only tiredly dipped into his side.

None of them noticed Radeel and Liu quietly nearing them over some rocky piles to their side as Taeslir rushed over to Lou’s side, indifferent to their eyes’ meeting. Words willingly combined to one string of thought as they agreed on carrying Yppha.

They had found a village nearby and in the haste of their excitement, Taeslir had to forcibly hinder them from running straight inside once they arrived at the entrance. He rummaged through every of his pockets after he had put Yppha into Radeel's responsibility, hands only reluctantly letting go of him. His manner of searching for the money appeared unusually clumsy, but as he pushed some of it into Lou's hands, his voice sounded stronger again. ‘You'll get us whatever lodging we can get with this money.’

As Lou’s mien dropped, he laughed quietly, his teeth flashing through his lips. ‘We can't risk getting exposed.’

Lou nodded, fingers tightening around the few papers he had got. He led their way inside, their tumbling getting more obvious as they neared the tiny hut right next to the entrance. To appear weakened wasn't a wrong idea, but as Lou placed his hands with the money on the counter, his mind tried to tell him their act wouldn't be convincing enough.

A man, heaving himself off a creaky chair, cut off the connection he had to any such trivial thought. The money jolted out of his hands.

As he was eyeing it, Lou spoke up, ‘Just... one night.’

The man’s glance swayed from Lou's foreign lips to everyone standing behind him; slouched and exhausted.

He didn't do more. An indifferent drop of his glance to the money, then his hand crawled beneath the counter, and he pulled out a rusty key, a worn-out piece of leather attached to it. After he had put it down and taken the money, he pointed to a building over Lou's shoulder.

Words of gratitude left Lou's lips regardless of whether they'd be understood, but just as the key scratched against the wooden counter, he turned around another time. ‘A map... do you have –’

The man didn't look at what he pulled out from a drawer this time. His glance remained dull while he let the folded piece of paper fall on the counter. Only did his eyes lower after he had opened the paper so that he could draw a circle over a certain area. He tapped against it when Lou's glance didn't fall.

Lou hardly glanced on it when Taeslir's hand connected with his upper arm, his own eyes darting to the desk for a quick breath before he pulled Lou away. After he had turned away from the man, he whispered a command of getting back on track.

Lou didn’t question him as they pulled him along, the key swiftly leaving his fingers.

Inside the shabby hut, surprisingly fitting three rooms and a more or less sanitary bathroom into the packed space, they scattered in silence. Taeslir went straight for the bathroom, sweeping up some water to fill a couple of buckets he had found. In the far corner of the room, Yppha’s figure fell on a small sofa bed.

‘We managed to get to the south-east, definitely not ideal, but better than running farther off into the East.’ Taeslir hurried an explanation of the findings he had taken from the map.

When no one responded, Lou hummed out of courtesy, but at the noise, Radeel disappeared into a different room with one filled bucket of water, a cloth over its edge. He flinched at the door closing, the creaking hinges making him shiver.

‘Lou, the bed Yppha is sitting on should be extendable.’ Taeslir continued, drawing Lou’s attention away from the door. ‘There's no bed inside the room Radeel just went into, so I'll figure out how Liu, Deengar and I will manage in the other.’

‘How do you –’

‘Make sure to get cleaned so none of your wounds get –’

‘How do you know there's no bed in Radeel's room?’

‘What?’

‘How do you know?’

Taeslir froze for a moment, the water inside the bucket he was holding swapping around. A blink let him regain a clear string of thought, and he pushed the bucket into Lou’s hands.

‘He just checked every room; you wouldn't have noticed. And since he doesn't need to sleep he knows not to choose the one room we're desperately relying on.’

Lou nodded and waddled off to Yppha's side. He couldn’t say if he would have minded getting cleaned up in front of him, but as Yppha suggested he’d leave for the bathroom to give him some privacy, he hastened to say he didn’t mind.

A heavy pant clung to Yppha’s lips, and since Lou didn’t want to leave his side, afraid he’d tumble over, he merely sat down around the corner, the bucket placed so both could reach it. Although he was sure he preferred this separated state, he couldn't keep his glance from peeking around the corner whenever Yppha's low breaths died out or when the splashing sound of his cloth falling to the floor met his ears. They only multiplied by the end of it.

Lou only calmed after he had put away the items and securely watched Yppha lie down on the sofa he had extended. Slouching into it as well, the softness of breaths to his side already telling of no more answer coming from the other, Lou rolled over to his side. His eyes burned and muscles finally ached into a mattress, which wasn't anywhere near comfortable.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Once consciousness met him, his back ached against the mattress. Yppha's breaths still fell heavily as he stretched his arms, rolling to the side without causing too much of a stir. With his eyes blinking away the drowsiness, he caught his fingers reaching for Yppha's arm, his glance drawn to the hectic rolling of his eyes underneath closed lids.

Just as he realised why he could watch the sign of dreaming twitching over Yppha's face, his fingers jerked. For Taeslir had prepared the room so that no light was to reach them from outside, but the tiny ray of sunshine behind Lou's back enlightened the room just enough to trace out some lines of Yppha’s face.

He swirled his legs out of the bed as he spotted it, his back soon stretching toward the hole in the lodging's wooden façade. It ached, putting effort into reaching it, but despite his muscles screaming for more rest, Lou filled it with a handkerchief he had found on the small table next to them.

At the creaking of the panels, Lou almost blamed the quiet sigh which had escape him for waking Yppha, but the voice calling out to him was a different one.

‘I couldn’t secure every blemish in these walls.’ Taeslir sounded strained, a rasp in his voice letting his exhaustion drip off his tongue. ‘I hadn't slept until sunrise to make sure. I’ve already spotted that one earlier, but didn't wake you as it wasn’t shining anywhere dangerous.’

Lou peeked around the corner as footsteps neared, meeting Taeslir’s tired smile.

He soon dropped it. ‘I'm glad you fixed it though; I don’t trust this house half as much as I'd want to.’

He approached the bed and sat down, both their glances falling to Yppha. Taeslir’s head hung low, and his glance didn't rise when he spoke up. ‘Are you heading out?’

Lou placed his weight on one of his feet, fingers entangled with each other, nails scratching at the side of them. Taeslir rose from the bed as he explained he wanted to buy some food, fresh clothes, and look for some general items they could make use of.

Taeslir sighed quietly, but reached into his pocket and pressed some money into Lou’s hands. ‘We're relying on what little we have, so try to manage with what I just gave you.’

Lou looked down at the bundle he was given, and silently nodded, the sum something he was used to. When he raised his head, he followed Taeslir’s glance to Yppha, a thought popping up in his head. ‘I thought about giving him some blood once I've returned.’

Taeslir didn’t respond to his suggestion, only as he walked off to the door a colourless hum dropped off his lips. He watched Lou get packed up for his little adventure, noticing how his fingers tightened around his shirt.

Lou caught a treacherous smile sliding over Taeslir’s lips, but it faded as quickly as it had arrived. The colour painting Taeslir’s features remained in its lighter tone though, and the compassion which had twirled around his lips stuck to his glance.

Instead of the cold eyes Lou had encountered out in the wild, Taeslir's eyes now glistened at him. In sympathy right as in sorrow. The brightness, close to dying out again, induced Lou to halt after he had carefully pulled open the door.

Taeslir raised his voice as he saw Lou’s hesitance. ‘You'll come back, right?’

Lou’s bfrowned, but he approved his question with a smile.

‘That's good.’ He lowered his head. ‘I like it better that way.’

Lou closed the door, leaving just a tiny crack between the frame and the door. ‘Then, why didn't you tell me that?’

‘I was wrong.’ He leaned against the wall. ‘And people don't understand when I try to elaborate my reasonings.’

‘I'd have tried to.’

Taeslir huffed a smile in response but still didn't look up.

‘It isn't of matter because, as I said, I was in the wrong.’ His glance swayed up now, the spark in his eyes conveying the sincerest shade of green. ‘But now, I know why I was. And so do you. You've already figured it out much clearer than we have.’

Taeslir smiled. Lou nodded.

He pulled open the door again, his view already spanning over the brightened, yet run-down, area outside. One last time, he glanced back.

‘And I'll make sure everyone else understands as well.’

Chapter Text

Lou hardly opened the door when he returned, his fingertips exerting the weakest of pressures on the wooden plank. He had thought about knocking, guaranteed to gain the attention of whoever might stand in dangerous position inside, but quickly shook the thought out of his head. No suspicions meant no insensible behaviour.

After a few steps had carried him inside, the bags landed on the floor, Liu's figure jumping from around the corner.

‘You're back!’ They pulled their hands away before fingers could've clutched to something. They remained arisen though, cramping a little in front of their chest before their expression twisted. They tilted their head. ‘But the sun is still up? Just at the highest point.’

Lou sank to his knees, digging his hands into one bag, while he asked how they could tell. He didn't get an answer. Liu only plumped down on an old stool, their weight letting it clank to the side. When Lou's head rose at the noise, he met Liu's temple, their face drawn to the uneven legs, an aghast look forming in their eyes. Some hair strands stuck to their face and forehead. They appeared blacker than usual, as if something had been drained.

‘Why did you return?’ They pressed their palms against the sides of the stool, trying to balance the impossible. Lou pushed his hands to the bundle of clothes inside the bag, his glance staying with them. His breath heavily lay in his chest, impacting the weight he was supposed to pull out.

‘I didn't want to leave you alone for too long. In case something happens.’

Liu leaned forward, balance forgotten, a wooden foot bumping against the floor. They said he shouldn't strain himself – at least not when it wasn't necessary and once he had time to take care of himself.

‘But I did’ – he pulled out a smaller bag, explaining he had got food for the continuation of their escape. He had even eaten something while he was strolling through the stalls, he added and gained Liu’s response in a smile. He’d have done the same, hadn’t it appeared faked. For a second their eyes seemed saddened – ’and you need clothes, so there is no time to think solely of myself.’

Fingers caught the bundle of blouses, shirts, and pants from out the bag, placing it on the low counter to his side.

He rose to his feet and wiped his palms on his thighs. Eyes widened when his hands froze in realisation, now unsure where to focus on. As he let them join Liu’s again, their glance was missing. Their fingers brushed over the pieces of clothing.

‘You're right,’ they answered and stood up as well. A gentleness stretched over the counter when they pushed their palm into them, fingers embarking on a journey along the fabric. ‘Has been tough fleeing and sticking inside these clothes.’

They removed their hand without a noise, and still, the quickness left the impression of a sigh. Liu fell to the stool again, their move somehow not making a sound this time, and eyes lit up when they looked back at Lou, a smile silently resting on their face before a request let it fade.

‘You want me to tell you?’ Lou blurted.

Liu nodded. ‘Tell me how here's like. The humans had better been nice to you.’

Their fingers suddenly wrapped around him, time lacking to sense the jolt of their arms, the clank of the stool far too quiet to let Lou jump. Instead, he stared down at them. The pressure in their grip conveyed seriousness, successfully making their last words appear a threat.

‘Yes, yes of course,’ Lou quickly acted on their manner, Liu's hand falling as lips rose. ‘I wouldn't have expected them to, but most were.’

Liu pulled on his sleeve before falling back into their chair, dragging Lou along before he sat down on the floor. He crossed his legs, gripped his fingers. But once he started reciting his little adventure, Liu's encouraging smile allowed his fingers to loosen, hands forming gestures to underline his experience.

He started to tell of the first shops he had looked through. There had been several small stalls outside, hardly wider than three metres. Yet, their number had made up for it why he still took about an hour just finding what he had been looking for. To his favour though, their large amount had been the reason for simplifying the course of paying; Lou had hardly even mentioned the word ‘negotiating’ when the price had already lowered, fear of losing a valid customer reflecting in the eyes of the sellers.

Lou smiled sadly as he retold the scene to Liu, adding, how he had noticed similar occurrences back at his village. Many people had been out for even the least amount of money or pay for their work, while others couldn't have had more than enough of it. He hadn't wanted to rip the people in this village off their necessary income – he had, therefore, only accepted one lowering of their prices – and ignored their additional decrease once he had hesitated.

What hadn't been up for negotiation anyway had been the bandages he had needed. Reason being exactly that; demand. Apart from just a few selling them, they were considered most valuable goods. Considering the region and circumstances people usually arrived in, he hadn't been struck by surprise when their cost hadn't wavered the tiniest bit.

He paused, breath somewhere inside his throat, words swallowed at the thought popping up in his head. Liu didn't notice his hesitation as they leaned back, lips forming the question whether Lou was alright now. He responded with a nod and pushed himself to his knees, quickly getting up, and glanced at Liu another time. Their lips weren't raised, though something about their expression still conveyed encouragement – enough for Lou to resort to words another time.

‘I missed human contact.’ His glance fell. ‘I hadn't noticed and...though I made myself believe I do see human traits in all of you, I got reminded about how much I missed…actual humans.’ A creak of the old floor sent his head swaying up. ‘I think, no matter how much we want to adapt, there will always be differences between us.’

Lou's glance met Taeslir, who had caused the creak of wood.

‘Wouldn't that be what makes this beautiful though?’ He stepped behind Liu with his inquiry.

He wrapped their hair around his fingers, carefully ruffling, before resting his arms around their neck. They too wrapped their hand around Taeslir's arm, tilting their head to the side. A smile crossed both of their lips before Taeslir pulled away, his thumb briefly stroking over Liu's cheek.

‘You brought clothes for everyone?’ He caught Lou's smile with his words, its fall inevitable as he approved his question. He stepped around him, getting his hands on the laid-out pieces of fabric. He added, he'd get the needed pairs to Deengar and Radeel after he had let his hand run over them, almost caressing the softness with his touch.

‘We're all glad to finally rid ourselves of the dirty ones... Radeel especially, I believe.’ He sorted the bundle while he gave Lou his thanks, and picked them up to turn around.

‘Does he have a problem with dirtiness?’ Lou's question made Taeslir stop behind his back.

‘You could say he is very meticulous about cleaning up’ – Taeslir pressed the clothes closer to his chest, fingers crawling into them just a tiny bit – ‘to not have any stains.’

His glance rushed to Liu right after he had finished his words. Lou only nodded quietly.

‘It would be great if Yppha got his hands on some blood though.’ Taeslir smiled back at him.

Neither of the vampires waited for Lou to approve his request; Taeslir’s tired smile brightened, and Liu pulled away from the stool. They’d keep Lou safe, they answered Taeslir, who hadn’t posed a question or similar, yet upon his reaction Lou wasn’t sure if he had simply not heard it. (He wouldn’t have understood Liu’s immediate grasp on Taeslir’s intention, he admitted voicelessly. Although he’d have liked to, too much lay between achieving the same and his current position.)

So, as Taeslir disappeared into the room Deengar was still sleeping in, new clothes quickly found their novel owners before both approached the extended sofa.

Lou crouched to look at Yppha, who was lying on his uninjured side. The bandages shielded off his wound, but it was still present in his twitches and rolls – both jerky as if they formed out of a freeze. And although Lou didn't crouch for long before he decided to finally wake him, his eyes met the details of Yppha’s state; the stillness of limbs, resting on the mattress as if no force could lift them. The dropping of breaths, which seemed so loud although they made but a sound. And the rushing of his eyes, jumping from side to side underneath closed eyelids.

‘Yppha? Hey, wake up,’ Lou whispered, conscience screaming to let him sleep, good sense contradicting him with the obvious pain he was in. His hand acted on its own and managed to make his eyelids rise in a hectic pull after several careful shakes. Instantly, heavier breaths filled the room.

One breath contained Lou’s name and while it was fleeing Yppha inconsistently, eyelids pressed shut, shielding something only Yppha was bothered with in his delirium. He hissed, his forehead resorting to an even deeper frown, and he brought his hand up to cover his bandage.

Lou answered him, explaining they had clothes with them, and raised his hand. But Yppha jerked out of Lou's gentle touch on his shoulder, lips slowly regaining filling – in sighs, spiralling down to pants. They were bloodless.  

Liu didn't hesitate to place their fingers atop Lou's, which he had lifted in a manner of fright, words of letting them handle it squeezed into their careful grip. They would need him to keep him upright, they added as Lou made way. His hands clung to Yppha with the concrete task in mind, Liu's hands swift in pulling shirt over head, pants over knees.

Yppha still had his hand on his temple when they finished, a sigh making him dip into Lou’s side. He almost whined at this point.

‘I'll give you some blood, yeah?’ Lou finally explained the situation, his voice but a sailing breath.

Yppha snuggled into his collarbone, indicating a shake of his head, a denial his lips were incapable of pronouncing. Lou didn’t respond as Yppha’s breath on his neck made his muscles spark with something he didn’t want to think about.

Liu did the job for him. ‘You’ll take his stupid blood, Yppha!’

The mention of keeping Lou safe only quietly sailed into their words. Yppha's head tilted once Liu's statement had reached delayed senses, glance fallen on Lou's neck. He was still frowning. Blinking, he pushed away from Lou’s artery, his hands stemming against whatever they were in reach of to push away.

Lou couldn’t quite tell what happened between them. Liu pulled on him, too stern for the fragility just breaths away from their fingers. Somehow, their touch on Yppha’s head still calmed him.

He wanted his arm, conveyed a breathless whisper.

He was sorry, brought another.

Lou couldn’t even blink as fangs connected with his wrist. Fire sparking through his veins. His wrist open, for assault, more than nourishment, Lou cried out Yppha’s name.

Yppha immediately loosened his hold. A whine in his throat as he forced himself to slow down. He wiped his tears away after Lou asked him to stop. His lips still on his wrist. Like a kiss, like the thought of wasting a single droplet was the worst in the world.

Yppha's glance appeared stronger after he had pulled himself up, his blood showing immediate effects like it had done multiple times in the past. Eyes closed though, the back of his head falling to the wall behind him. He took a deep breath while he searched for Lou's fingers, his squeeze still weaker than usual. Wanting to repay the gesture, Lou tilted his fingers, but regret showed with a hiss leaving his lips.

‘I will...’ Liu's voice faded and attracted Lou’s glance. He caught a glimpse of their eyes staring down on his wound. Craving. They cleared their throat. ‘I'll get you fixed up, wait a second.’

 They blinked and jumped off, bed springs creaking, glances following them.

Lou noticed a familiar feeling scratching at his senses; he pulled out of Yppha's touch when he recognised it. As he rubbed his fingers together, heat curled into his chest. Even from his own touch. Before comment on it could've fallen, Liu was back, hands quick in doing what they had told him.

‘You managed.’ Taeslir joined them after a door had closed. He paused when he stepped around the corner, feet rooting with the floor. His string loosened too, eyes almost shimmering, bearing a shade of green like that of a cursed flame. A flame one would want to look at though, and embrace it. (One used for sacrificing, burning till longing – till resistance was no more.)

Lou swallowed when Taeslir rolled his eyes, forcing his head to yield for him, tongue struggling to form a continuation. Lou didn’t fancy their spark.

‘Radeel doesn't want you to give him blood, he told me just now,’ Taeslir explained his reason for seeking them out. ‘I had asked him to come outside as well...he refuses.’

‘He's already behind the two-days limit,’ Liu piped up, hands thrown into their lap with a sigh.

Taeslir shook his head.

‘He doesn't care.’ A sad smile swirled around his lips before he looked at Lou.

Lou noticed his fingers going cold.

‘You shouldn't seek him out right now,’ Taeslir said, eyes freeing him, but not that hunch of a feeling. ‘His temper is quite on edge.’

‘We didn't even hear him scream outside here.’ Liu turned around, placing their leg under their thigh, and tilted their head to the side just a little. ‘It can't be that bad, come on, we need to –’

‘He didn't need to scream.’

Lou had closed his eyes and parted his lips a tiny bit. It was Yppha's inquiry whether he was alright, which pushed him far enough to grasp the gravity of the situation. Yet, he remained kind when he reassured Yppha, and pulled on his arm.

‘You should lie back down though; you surely aren't fine.’ He added a chuckle to his words, but it only left him more breathless. The beat in his chest turned pulsing, transporting everything out from the little spot within him to where he did not want it.

And while Yppha agreed, words slowly falling from his lips in understanding, it burst. The fragile mask Lou had thought he could hold up crumbled at something so simple; the touch he had on Yppha’s arm. It was shielded by his shirt, but the fabric did little to subside it – the burning, desiring flame of disobeying his thoughts. He hadn't thought to encounter the feeling again after what he had offered Deengar. After Taeslir had almost killed him.

In that past time, the throbbing of his heart and what was viciously wrapped around it in a warm fire, had completely taken over his senses. But now, with lust shimmering in front of his eyes while his head was painfully clear, he felt tears rise to his eyes.

‘I want to – I need to leave,’ he tripped over his words like he did over his feet when he rushed for the door. He'd be outside, he stated, throwing his glance over his shoulder to ensure no one was standing were the light would fall. Liu rushed to his side though, unable to react with human senses. Their opened mouth didn't get to announce their worry; Lou lied about being okay.

‘I just need to get outside... away.’

He forced a smile to his lips. It disappeared as Liu's expression turned dark, eyebrows bending and eyes widening in a manner, he knew they understood the reason for his unease. They stepped back, a sadness in their eyes.

His back pressed to the wall as he tumbled, unable to identify whether it was the sudden brightness outside which made his head and vision blur or what was lying behind the shut door. He closed his eyes when it didn't lessen. Brought his hand to cover his lips. The air felt too chilly all of a sudden, too piercing, slithering up into his forehead with every breath he took. And despite the temperature not being solely imaginary, Lou sensed some warmth dropping to him from above, eyelids fluttering upward for inexplicable reason.

They caught a brief glimpse of the sun before the burn started to water them, a squint inviting him. He slid down the wall while his head sank. Lungs heaved another breath when he put his hand behind himself, gravel first burying itself into his palm, then sticking to it when he lifted it.

He pushed his fingers pushed into his jacket and rubbed over his chest a couple of times, as if monotonous pressing would get the erected beat to subside. Instead of fishing for the win in this battle, since the gesture only provided more heat to his senses, he pulled on something.

He hadn't told Liu about the self-made pad book he had received. Unable to tell if he had done so on purpose, he clasped it and pushed it into his lap. It was more as if he had picked up some past joy in staying secretive when he hadn't told them about it; for as much as he appreciated and gloried his achievement of their interest, he couldn't allow their developing open-mindedness to consume his shallow self. He had just always had his parts he didn't tell anyone, he figured.

The tiny gift which was enveloped in his clandestine thinking had been giving to him when he had already thought about returning. His glance had swayed ever so lightly to a table at the side of the wide path, no one sitting at the chair placed behind it.

At first he hadn't wanted to step closer as it seemed to be hiding in between a gap of two buildings. But he had intruded the mystery, had searched for what could've been the reason for said classification and had found the brown booklet now in his possession. It had lain in between scattered items, all of varying size and usage, yet with no differences in the undoubtedly little price they’d have fetched. They all counted toward what he had used at home when jotting down thoughts or ideas which had never made it further than the scraps of papers scattered around just like on the table. He wouldn't have dared to touch it, hadn't someone sprung out from a door from the left building, fingers rushing to have it shut after the person had seen him.

Neither of them moved, Lou's glance unwilling to sink back to the scribbled notes, the other's to return from bewilderment. Lou's statement, consisting of his apology for having invaded something he shouldn't have, was the first to fill the air. He watched as fingers slid into uncombed hair, lazily lying on one shoulder. He had figured it smarter to leave the situation as he had been reminded of a possible language barrier. The stalls and sellers had proved themselves difficult a couple of times after all.

Unlike them, who had quickly shun away, the girl standing behind the table leapt forward a step when Lou showed signs of fleeing the scene. She had spoken without linguistic error, her statement of not being allowed to sell as a vendor because of being underage rushing over her lips in a blurt. Her explanation, while she was brushing her fingers through her hair in a manner to seem more professional, included the village's laws.

‘There's actual laws in a place like this?’ Lou questioned with excitement, feet carrying him back.

‘Maybe laws is the wrong term, but... its frowned upon and you'll get into social trouble should you misbehave.’

Lou chuckled lightly at her explanation, trying to rid her face of an embarrassed expression, which crawled around her being just as fingers did inside strands of hair. They had exchanged some brief words of the condition of the table, the mischievous hiding spot, and everything else of no further importance. However, after Lou had mentioned the tiny booklet at the front of it, the girl's eyes lit up.

Brightness in her eyes and words; she aspired to become a writer, sharing her thoughts and ideas with someone who liked them. And although money wasn't unwanted, it wasn't her primary cause. She merely sought someone who might be interested, which appeared harder than she had imagined within this village and its norms.

Lou had smiled to himself while listening, a bell ringing in the back of his head, telling of familiar air to her. She reminded him of Liu, in excitement and devotion, but the spirit clinging to her words seemed warmer – untouched by the eeriness of Liu’s field of interest. And in no means like something putting a strain on his soul.

Why he listened. He let her untangle as much of the knot of a mind she was able to, didn't interrupt her when she recited the overall idea of her story and followed her warmth with a similar pleasant smile. It had been enough for her to frantically pick up the book and hold it out to Lou.

‘Are you interested? You can have it.’ Her smile spoke louder than her words, but as Lou's eyes fell on the pieces of bundled paper, her eyes dropped. She pulled back with an apology.

‘It's yours, I wouldn't want to –’

‘But if you are interested I want you to read it, that's exactly what I just told you.’

Lou smiled again. His hand had stretched over the table, bringing glint to her eyes.

She didn't open the doors to her mind once more, why Lou, suddenly deprived of the sensation he had felt, rushed out his necessity of returning. Her reply was calm; a simple nod, a delighted grin.

Lou opened his eyes.

His thoughts were too loud. Too violent of a plain to rest on.

So, he opened the book.

Chapter Text

The lines of the story had been too soft, even softer than what they weighed in his hands, for Lou’s agitated senses not to fade. A certain melancholy was conveyed through the aching speech of the protagonist, and even stronger through the depiction of nature and its surroundings. He remembered how he had come up with similar approaches. He had always tried to portray what he felt at the massiveness of mountains and the eeriness behind leaves rattling despite a windless night. Yet the way the girl's text formulated it had never crossed his mind.

He put down the book and leaned his head back against the wall. Eyelids were fluttering against the beaming sunrays that still seemed bright to their front. They had merely lessened a little, had reduced in the sense that his head wasn’t literally visualising waves of light puncturing his eyesight anymore. He enrichened his nose with a long-craved inhale, and noticed how his heart returned to a reasonable rhythm, induced by his own bodily needs instead of the vampires'.

The novella had been beautiful. Just as easy, but dense as he had needed it to be to let the earth pull him down. Muscles succumbed to gravity and appeared untensed, the resulting ease placed on his mind. His head was going cloudy, a fuzziness budded as adrenaline was leaving his system, and his neck unstiffened. He found the peace spreading and invited the sensation of an emptying spirit as it claimed his inmost being.

And there it turned dreadful and maligned his core as it usually only did at night.

The night had been described in the novella as well. Beautifying words had depicted a purely melancholic scene. Lou had thought it impossible, but they were arranged in just the right mixture of speech and showing that he noticed himself immerse with it.

The nights in the booklet were long – forevermore dreaded by the commons. His nights were not much different.

The nights in the booklet appeared gruesome and looming – never staying quiet. And what had ever really been quiet about his nights? His mind? – with doubt.

But the nights in the booklet were described as dark and painted in the stars’ ominous sparkle. Like peeking eyes. And Lou's were bright. If he was granted a glance at the sun, it forced a heated sensation on him, like teeth of predators that followed its disappearance. He still noticed it after every disappearance. Like a burning telescope. And such as telescopes observed the stars, Lou was being watched at night.

Something, so clearly residing in the hollowness of damp air, was staring at him. Not directly, but somewhere close. So close that he could feel the piercing glare in his core. His very intimate self, which stored his memories and wishes he’d never tell a living soul, was under its observant eyes. Open to haunting, he could feel the freeze in his chest once it had impaled it. He hadn’t told anyone and preferred to keep his silence when thinking about the something in the damp air. He did not want that vulnerability to reach notice; so, lips were sealed. For whose sake he could not tell.

If it was for his, he'd have noticed improvement by now. But he didn't.

And if it was for the others’, they could’ve run their thoughts over more important matters. But it wasn't.

He had merely kept his mouth shut, his tears stored up, for the sake of having it sealed; his mind. Wanting to bash it out from his brains, he had shut it out of his inmost ideal being. Just that success wasn’t on his side because he knew what he wanted, he knew what he had never known. Yet the something turned off the switch that would’ve let him notice his determination. It didn’t want him to experience such phenomenon. It hated the idea of it. To let Lou advance despite the unnerving, gut-wrenching belittling it had carefully sowed in various places. Perhaps the little scatters were to get him submissive and lead him down the sensible path.

The something – doubt, in its purest and most sinister form – was haunting him despite knowing what he wanted. And mostly so at night.

Lou pushed his fingers against his temples. Pressure squeezed them together before it urged his head into shaking. He kept his eyes shut through the violent motion and when he stopped and opened them the area seemed lighter. Some leaves flew across the wide path to his right, twirling near the exit of the village, but the wind did not chill. It didn't reach him. Another building to his left hindered it.

He stood up. Legs cried into the pain lying in his chest and he wanted them ridden of it, ridden of keeping him back. Was it him or them carrying him out into the field of open sun to trudge on the path? He didn’t know, but at least the shine from above was not blinding him anymore. It warmed. Lou clutched the booklet to his chest, fingers cramping around its edges. The one he wanted to reach was still sitting at her place, though the papers were missing, instead a chest shone from underneath the desk. A smile on her face, she jumped up, waving scarcely. When Lou reached her, the gesture fell. She didn't move, her eyes blinking as Lou caught his breath.

‘I read it,’ he said, lungs heaving, breaths audible in this niche of the buildings. She smiled, but still didn't move.

‘It's great,’ Lou breathed. He went on about the specifics, praising her style, clinging to the fascination he had felt. The girl hardly won a breath in between his, her gratitude one-worded. When he stopped, fingers were shaking around the back of her booklet.

‘I love it.’ His words still flew through the winds behind him.

‘Love?’ She smiled, dropping her glance. ‘That's weird...but I'm glad you enjoyed it.’

She should do something with it, Lou blurted out, his hands placing the book on the table. Fingers cramped into each other to hide their tremble when he returned.

‘I'm young,’ she smiled again, differently. ‘I can't do much here, and I can't leave for some time either.’

Lou placed his weight on his other feet, his remark feeling wrong. The idea was fetched from somewhere he was ashamed of having thought of. He hardly even knew her.

‘But I'll keep it in mind.’

He smiled.

‘I want you to keep this though.’ She picked up the booklet with her words. Lou looked down on it, but denied the offer with the same move.

‘It's just a copy, I really do not need it.’

‘Let me pay for it at least.’

She shook her head.

‘I won't let the first one who showed interest pay.’

Lou took the booklet back on him. He wanted to say something, but noticed a seal on his lips. He had no word for it, the sudden change. Trying to smile seemed hardest as lips pulled down with a tremble and as eyes became saddened.

‘Thank you,’ he breathed. ‘I missed this.’

‘Reading?’ She tried to get a hold of his eyes, but even after Lou looked up, his glance fell past her shoulder. A smile crept onto his face and sadness whispered an approval, lips crying for closure. His glance shot back before his feet could jump into heading back.

‘You'll stay here? I'll remember.’

Before he left, he asked for the reason she spoke a language atypical for these regions. Answer was met with some reluctance, but she eventually cleared the situation with saying she had grown up with either of the languages. Then, they parted, and lips were raised. They were genuinely heightened corners, lifted by a sincere promise.

He hastened back, steps flying with the wind, and for whatever reason, Lou realised the lessened intensity of the sunrays only now. Afternoon beams were likely hitting his skin, but he couldn’t tell and saw no real reason to specify the exact time. The only one he cared about was night fall; with the sun setting he'd need to sort another couple of troubles. Ones outside of himself, ones he could touch – get his hands on.

Once he was at the door, fingers misbehaved and instead turned to tensing around the book cover. It wasn't that what he feared had crawled back, heart beating perfectly fine, sensible thought much clearer in his head, but what did bother him lay deeper. Rooted within a place somewhere between mind and heart, he felt its resilience to face the person he'd become once he stepped back inside. A person his heart jumped a beat for while his head gained an ache. He couldn't shake it out of the latter, just as he couldn't deny the longing of his throbbing vessel. And somehow, eyes blinking at the door, the feeling that he'd have to stand up against this battle became clearer every time he had to take such a step.

He shut the thought away behind another ray of sunshine, penetrating his head while he was glancing back at the dot of light once more. He'd be faced with its absence upon the next few steps of his journey why he soaked it up, filled his senses and memories. Before he opened the door and stepped inside, the thrilling warmth was hence the last thing on his mind and skin.

He tried to be quiet, but the faintest of breaths would've given him away, hadn't the door already creaked in age. Yet he found no one to notice the hinges’ screams or the planks’ snarls when he stepped across them. A glance revealed Yppha's resting body, chest falling heavy but more rhythmed than before. He walked inside. Fingertips were tapping against each other, falling to his stomach when he peeked around the corner.

Liu glanced up at him, almost assured they'd find him behind them in that exact moment, their hand lifting off Taeslir's head. He was facing away from them while he was sleeping, breaths falling in sweet, softened puffs, though heavily. Merely staring, Lou clung to the tapping of his fingers until Liu moved their lips to inquire his well-being. The twitch around their lips was hardly a smile, much less reassurance. For a second, Lou thought it was a guilt.

Lou placed himself on the rest of the thin sofa as he answered. He had wondered how Taeslir had found enough room to rest on it. With a further glance he figured that he didn't. His legs were hanging off the end, arms were dangling off the side for fingers to almost scratch the floor and yet it didn’t matter – held no negative aspect to it whatsoever. The position was balanced out by Liu's gentle brushes along his hair. Tracing line after line, following strands, just to move them away from his face when their fingers had let them drop. Liu was more than enough to choose such a place.

Lou was facing away from them, both looking straight on, eyes subconsciously – or at least Lou's – falling on the door leading to Radeel. The reason why he had left appeared to him, almost as if it had resurrected from where he had urged it. Rejuvenated by the proximity to what had caused his leave, he couldn’t supress the thought. He wouldn't have brought it up though.

‘I must have forgotten about it,’ Liu exclaimed and searched for Lou’s eyes. He granted them a jerk of his head, surprised at their immediate grasp of what he was thinking – was it the door that let his heart beat higher? Did it give him away? Their apology followed and their glance returned to Taeslir as Lou lowered his to his lap. He nodded in this absent glance, stating he had too, and then, when a nail scratched across his fingers and became stuck at some dead, peeled off skin, he felt lungs blowing in a longing for emptiness. He sighed and placed his fingers in his palm, squeezing them gently.

‘Can you make it stop?’ His question was silent, a mere whisper with no breath on his lips, but Liu had heard him. They wanted to know whether he felt it right now and Lou shook his head. He didn't want it to appear again, was what he gave as an explanation, fingertips resorting to scratching when muscles gained stiffness.

They kept silent for a few breaths. The muscles in his fingers were stretched as time seemed to do, fingers pointed outward in an almost testing way of seeing how far he could extend them before he rubbed them over his knuckles. Slowly, the numbness in his fingertips faded. He grew impatient, although he knew Liu wasn't ignoring him as they usually did; he didn't need to look at them to verify that they were running their thoughts over possible solutions. They presented one eventually, and Lou jumped slightly as they went for their vest. The needed items supposed to be in their little stock.

‘I'll need a tiny bit of blood, but do that in the other room.’ They bent to the side a bit, not reaching far enough around the corner to observe Lou. ‘We don't want to trigger it again. A couple of drops are enough though.’

Lou dragged himself into the bathroom, unsure whether he wanted to sit or stay arisen. Which position would yield more hygienical advantage, he could not tell, but standing was eventually preferred. A cut appeared on his fingertip after he had pressed the knife down and he pulled a thin layer of bandage over it before leaving the room. He handed the bottle to Liu who was crouching and had their back facing toward him.

They caught it over their shoulder, fingers wrapped around the small glass, and as they flipped it, the tiny droplet of blood reluctantly followed their moves. They were awing the liquid, eyes told Lou, even if their expression differed from before. Focus lie beneath the shimmer of longing.

They pulled a tiny bottle from their vest, poured the liquid into a glass, and began to stir. Lou had seen the process too often to find it interesting. Muscles still ached when he stood up and walked to Yppha’s side, but their tension lessened as he sat down next to him. His glance just fell, his thoughts were merely drifting.

He didn’t notice Liu approaching and threw his head around rather vigorously when they tapped on his shoulder. Their thumb and index finger held the finish product to their front. Lou didn’t fancy the brownish colour of it, an idea of dirtied water popping up.

‘Like with your wound the other day. Just a scratched circle that won't even draw blood.”

They tried to interrupt his stare and smiled, solely out of getting Lou to react, but he was still observing the liquid. They sat down on their knees, their open palm asking for Lou's arm, some motion finally achieved. He obliged, but looked away, flinching at their touch on his elbow. Maybe, he overreacted, but their cold hand tranquilised his nerves and he didn’t notice the twist of their fingers. The liquid was flowing into their cut circle, too quickly for pain or wound to take root, so that no mark remained above the bandage he had slung over Yppha’s bite.

Liu disappeared without remark and hopped around the corner, back to Taeslir's head. They didn't force themselves underneath him as Lou stole a glance at them. His chin was drawn close to his shoulder, as if it would hide his peeking. He stopped as the muscles in his neck stretched uncomfortably, a few knots in the back of it fighting his lead. He let them relax into an ache, head fallen back against the wall. His hair was soundly curling up a little as he didn’t resist the slide down the wall, gaze rising to the ceiling. He thought about closing his eyes as he pulled one leg up. At the sound of a creak, he inhaled sharply, but his stillness arrived too late and Yppha shifted to his side.

His hand rushed toward his waist once his eyes fluttered, pushing down with the easiest of pressures. Yppha’s lips moved with the pronunciation of his name, but hardly a breath accompanied them. From Lou’s position at the foot of the bed, he was facing Yppha’s back whose glance soon dropped with an air of exhaustion. As his fingers trembled against the mattress, Lou grasped his vain attempt at trying to shift himself and slipped off the bed to rush to his front. While crouching, he went for his hand, pulling it into his, and successfully stopped Yppha’s attempt. At the touch on him, his energy returned. Physical touch rekindled the spark in his eyes, and he squeezed Lou’s hand tightly, inquiring his well-being. Lou nodded quietly and was stroking his thumb over the back of Yppha’s hand, trying to calm the pressure on his fingers.

His thumb was the only part of his hand not in his grasp. He had clutched his fingers around Lou’s knuckles and his palm was pressed flat against his, so the joints ached a little. Just with a call of his name, softly falling from Lou’s lips, his eyes flickered to his grip, and it relaxed. Lou initiated a softer entangling of their fingers and Yppha fell against the pillow, the brief apologising look in his eyes disappearing.

‘At the next stop... Lou,’ he started quietly and averted his eyes after he had said his name. His lips reduced to a line and Lou noticed their dryness. They were the same colour as his skin, not taking on the refreshed hydration he had seen budding in Taeslir after his offering. He had given him too little, he thought and squeezed Yppha’s hand when he didn’t continue. ‘At the next stop, will you stay?’

‘I'll stay, Yppha.’

‘Oh,’ he breathed, a crack in his voice, and hesitated. Gulping, he struggled at another breath, throat tensing and eyes opening wider as he faced away. Brows and the corners of his lips were hesitantly changing to a distorted expression, throwing an emotion over his face like someone would a veil at a ceremony. The light in his eyes faded at the covering. ‘That's smart. Be careful though…all alone.”

Lou frowned and tried to relight Yppha’s eyes – tried to regain the happy spark he had only enjoyed so briefly. When he finally turned toward him with a feigned smile that trembled at its edges, Lou realised what he had implied with his words and shook his head.

‘No, Yppha. I'll stay with you.’

‘Oh.” His lips were forced out of their sad position as they rounded with the sound. Lou’s hand was gripped energetically, though less than before, and he carefully pulled it under his chin. ‘Good.”

He closed his eyes. And though Lou couldn’t check whether he had managed to retrieve the spark he had accidentally blown out, the soft rise of Yppha’s lips eventually caught his glance. He pulled his hand away with a relieved exhale and crossed his legs before he stemmed his elbows on the bed. Yet, despite both smiling, a question crossed Yppha’s lips that he did not seem to get rid of.

‘Wouldn't the other option be safer?’ He looked down at Lou. The question pierced Lou’s annoyance, not thinking Yppha would be on his list of the ones he’d have to convince, and he placed his hands atop another on the mattress, as if he crossed his arms in front of his chest. When he glance at him to answer, he noticed the sincerity in his eyes, and bit his tongue. He smiled at the realisation, with a heart as light as blood could be, for Yppha's question didn’t root from resistance, but honest confusion.

‘I'll be right here, Yppha.’

He won a smile of the other man and they resorted to silence. Faint breaths were lingering with each other, Yppha's eyes resting somewhere between Lou's elbow and the floor. Lou would've wanted it earlier, the quietness and intimacy without sharing too much of either side. Hence, why he noticed a feeling of relish. He hadn’t thought to meet such sweetness when he had still stood outside the door, dreading, worrying. Yet, due to enjoying the situation, it didn’t cross his mind either that Yppha might not be the sole instance still awaiting him inside their lodging. Like a layer of utopian thinking, he had subconsciously urged himself into believing he was going to be alright.

A noise travelled to his ears, and he moved – the bubble suffering a scratch. A breath that derived from a feeling of dissatisfaction and concealment developed to a grunt and Lou leaned to the side to glance past the foot of the bed and around the corner. Taeslir was sitting in upright position, a hand was rubbing over the back of his neck and Liu was awkwardly bending into a position to look at him. He granted them his glance eventually and Lou caught a faint light of anger in his eyes. They flicked to Lou and immediately changed, emotion changing to surprise. Stretching some muscles, he turned away and gave another try at rubbing away what Lou had identified as soreness.

‘Don’t let me sleep in such a position again,’ he mumbled and glanced at Liu. His tone relied on a sterner tone than usual, mixed with the rasp sound of his tired voice, silently telling of consequences should they disagree. Lou would’ve obliged without hesitation, but as he knew Liu’s approach to problems he figured they’d have their own answer at hand.

‘But I liked how I could comfort you and you looked sweet,’ they said, a smile in their voice and an innocence to their words that seemed not quite right. Taeslir sighed – grunted, really – and pushed his finger against the spot between his eyes, his straightened back reducing to a slump. His elbows met his thighs briefly before he pressed his entire hand against one half of his face. He quickly stood up and began to stagger toward Lou.

‘Drop that. Not right now, Liu,’ he mumbled quietly as his steps gained coordination and a swifter manner, though both still dripping with a tired air. When he reached him, he leaned against the wall and looked at Lou who was still sitting on the floor. Like the others, he wanted to know how he felt, and Lou answered him. He glanced back at Liu upon his answer, and they nodded. Neither spoke a word, yet Lou knew he had got just the information he needed to feel confident in expressing his request. He’d need to do something, he said and glanced at Lou’s bandaged arm. His gaze was resting there for a few breaths and Lou wasn’t sure whether it was because of his implication of offering Radeel his blood or because of his longing for a past open wound. He blinked back to Lou as he realised he hadn’t finished what he had wanted to say.

‘Before sunset.’

‘I know.”

Lou looked away from his glance, gazing upon Yppha once more who was watching their interaction with silent lips. As he noticed Taeslir’s figure walking to the couch with a table, his glance followed him. He pulled out a tiny paper from under the table and fingertips soon clung to a pencil, hardly sharpened and rather short. It landed in his hand as he raised himself from the floor. He returned to Lou’s side, handing him the note.

Get him out of that room.

Lou had seen Taeslir's handwriting, had adored it, but this was different. He didn’t mean it to be beautiful, just to serve a purpose. While Lou was nodding repeatedly, he pended on the reason for telling him in secret. He knew Radeel would hear them if he had told him, but not why it mattered. When he looked up he caught Taeslir’s eyes, burning with a flame of urgency. The bright spark subsided when Lou approved with another silent nod of his head. He watched him walk past him to his other side, granting some support to Yppha.

Lou stood up, and lingered in front of the door. What remained was one last step toward it and a rise of his hand, but the last one had fallen so heavily, and his muscles seemed so stiff in his entire arm. Nothing wanted to follow his lead. A look back at Taeslir put his thoughts into the reassuring gesture of a nod – a silent promise of keeping him safe. However, a fear for his safety wasn't what was twisting his muscles into their uncomfortable tension.

His glance fell on the door. He couldn't label it, not yet at least. But somehow he had the notion he would, should he just step behind the door. With one breath, pushed from his lungs in trembling desperation, he left his worry behind and stepped into action.

Chapter Text

Lou opened the door, believing to send the hinges’ snarls to his ears, which he had encountered so often. He froze when it made not the slightest of sounds. No creak, like the rest of the house. No viscous laughter, like he usually obtained. It was noiseless and characterless. Completely emptied of any spirit, the door acted neither as barrier nor as obstacle.

The hollowness allowed Lou to slip through and close it behind him, breaths stacked somewhere in his lungs. After he had turned around, they erupted rather on their own, as a need of survival let them spurt from Lou’s tight hold.

He had wanted the door to scream at him, he realised. Had wanted it to provide a barrier to fear, face and fight. Yet the absence of any resistance altered the determination he had felt and made him come up with the idea of being left alone. Alone in a sense of the room and air meaning nothing. Himself and Taeslir’s request weren’t real inside such a construct and his determination and thoughts were the product of an imaginary scenario he had created while he was still standing outside. Why he held such views and allowed his mind to wander on this abstract path leading to nowhere, he could not tell. It only appeared irresponsible as the atmosphere shifted with a glance toward a cupboard to his right. He caught a glimpse of Radeel’s legs sticking out from behind it, angled at their knees. And at that sudden picture Lou felt full. Full of everything but himself.

He didn't dare to whisper his name or glance back at the door why he searched the room. His glance flew to one of three candles placed by another on a different cupboard, not larger than a nightstand. Like Taeslir had said, the room lacked a bed, but furnished with a tiny couch to his left, Radeel would've had something to rest tired muscles on. He would've, yes, had it not appeared untouched; the couch, and more so the room. Cleanness sprouted from the area as if no dirtying particle of physical nor mental sphere had every touched it.

All of it clustered in one place.

They malign spirit was tenaciously lingering in the air just behind the cupboard and chilled Lou’s muscles into the motionless state of a freeze. He could hardly shift his glance, change his position all the less. What pushed him into a step was the quiet sail of a breath. It formed from Radeel’s attempt of calming the rising of his chest and resulted in a couple of pants as he clenched his hand over his stomach. At Lou’s approaching he finally shifted; a reaction that reminded Lou of his task why he dared another step.

‘Leave.’ He forced his lips apart for the word, before they turned to a thin line. The order was powerless, a meek breath produced it. Yet when Lou refused, he noticed determination within the seeming powerlessness. Radeel hissed as he shifted, his grip tightened, and urged Lou into stepping back when his fingers appeared on the counter of the cupboard. They were shaking and clawless.

He pulled himself up, his hand still trembling after he had lifted it. He swayed into upright position, his glance needing to rise as head and face hung low. Yet he forced another step from the cupboard, more limping than walking, and Lou didn’t notice the rise of his hands, appearing a meek shield to his front. Their glances met for what hardly was a flicker and Radeel’s expression changed. His lips parted lightly as if his nose didn’t meet his lungs needs, and he turned away. He was still slumped, and his palm rested on one of his thighs just before it lifted and reached toward the cupboard. Then, he straightened and attempted another step.

A thought pierced through Lou’s head when Radeel’s foot meet the floor in a dragging sound, his shoe scratching over the wood as if he had slipped; he was paler than usual. Lou thought he was imagining it. How should he have turned even colder? His skin only seemed different, Lou guessed. He couldn’t even compare it to whiteness any longer; it was far from the colour of snow – as the whitest colour Lou could think of. It appeared greyish and dead.

Tormented with illness, maybe something close to a fever, if Lou had to define it in human terms, his skin wasn’t the only feature suffering. The dark brown of his hair tiredly curled from his head to one of his eyes and appeared dead, almost as if it wasn't a colour anymore. At his eyes, where it lost the tiniest of waves that still provided vividness, a spark darted toward him. Low and different than what Lou had encountered before, he couldn't call it malevolent, even if it wanted to be. The eyes’ colour was full, but pale. Their shimmer was glistening, but blurry. Their saturation like blood. Neither positive nor the opposite, its picture conveyed a sense of vulnerability while it was powerful enough to run a freeze through Lou's veins.

The glare was numbing and reminded Lou of what Radeel had once said as regards their blood. If a human’s was stored for too long, its temperature would sink. Lou wondered if Radeel's blood was similar; he wondered if it was usually coldly running through his veins like a taken human's would or if it possessed some warmth which had now been drained. The answer didn’t matter. Lou was convinced the aspect of temperature was similar, no matter the original warmth or freeze of the liquid. Cold suggested deadness and the ink painting Radeel's irises had frozen at the illness infesting his wounds. As tired as their glance dropped through their colour, as penetrating as he had wanted it to be, they appeared lifeless, their colour a strange shade that Lou could only define at second glance.

They had the colour of dead blood.

‘I said, I did not want your blood’, Radeel ordered, clarified, reminded him, scolded him. His words were running through his pant like through a windy night why Lou couldn’t identify the exact intent. His voice sounded hoarse and exhausted. Lou denied him and Radeel reacted in another push of his body. He urged Lou backward, his back hitting the wall next to the door.

‘Get lost.’

Lou closed his eyes. Though thoughts raced to advise him their openness, he did not fear them – did not dread what was standing to his front. He knew. Just as much as Radeel knew. So, lips hastened, and eyes opened.

‘No.’

Radeel's hand jolted to the wall. The slam of his palm let the panels shake and their oldness creak. In pain, their scream reached Lou, but it seemed distant, as if it had shunned away upon realising defeat. Radeel closed the distance between them with a step, himself not giving up just yet.

‘Why?’ he breathed after he had realised Lou hadn't even flinched at his outburst. His expression altered with his step, but soon disappeared to Lou's side where his head wouldn't tilt. ‘Why are you not afraid?’

Pants turned his breaths into a cry. Fingers were cramping against the wall, nails desperately scratching over the wood. The noise stopped before Lou could identify whether they were still clawless.

‘I am scared, Radeel.’ Lou clung to a notion in his head as he spoke. It assumed what Radeel's tremble derived from. ‘I'm more than scared, but not of this...not of you.’

Lungs were emptied against his shoulder. The breath dropping from Radeel's lips was surprisingly warm. With a push from the wall, he breathed in, turning on his heel without glancing at Lou.

‘Radeel, this whole situation. I'm afraid of what might–’

‘I'll take your blood.’

He turned around. Voice and manner were out of place, as if he had wanted to hide it – his avoidance – but upon a different path than usual he had slipped. He could not escape into words; Lou recognised the shift in his behaviour. He could not, because there was nothing in his control. Yet, he sought it, desired power over something and went for Lou's arm, fingers clasping around his elbow.

‘I'd rather you wouldn't.’ Lou stepped forward and pulled his arm out of his weak grip. He pulled his sleeves up to give reason to his exclamation, but Radeel gifted the bandaged bite marks but a glance. He turned and tumbled to the couch, missing a step and necessitating the aid of his hand to fully seat himself.

‘Do it whatever way you want then.’

Lou still had his arms raised, fingers frozen around one sleeve. As he lowered them, he crept closer to the other. The heaviness of his steps didn’t purely fall because of his confusion. Yes, he lacked a plan on how to approach the situation; a void was placed in his head instead of a solution, but his slowness bloomed from something different. Essentially, it happened out of courtesy. He wanted to give Radeel the possibility of stopping him if he desired to. He found it unlikely, but doubted his conviction as Radeel’s lips were twitching and his eyes jerking. Yet, he decided to resolve the awkwardly stiff air between them by countering it with an even stronger amount of unease. To entangle the knot inside Radeel's chest – surely not fully, he didn't have the power to do so, but to ease it – he had to step over both their comforts.

He sat down in his lap, hands shaking toward Radeel's shoulder, and noticed how either of their muscles tensed. Radeel moved first, was quicker, and tangled his hand into Lou's hair, opening his neck to him. His touch was soft, but naturally his fangs pierced and froze the area around them. Lou's heart had been pumping eagerly while he had weighed possible approaches against each other and as Radeel pushed into him, his pulse quickened. At first he dreaded. Another wave of adrenaline poured over him as Radeel’s lean and his lacking balance almost sent him off the couch. He could feel a chill in his stomach, sickeningly rising to his throat, and a pressure around his eyes, when he thought to recognise the feeling running through his veins. Just when Radeel’s free hand pulled on his back, soothingly strong against his spine, his heart calmed, and he found Liu’s mixture working. His hands brushed over Radeel’s shoulder as he shifted closer, and Lou noticed something in his touch.

He let him move. Clinging to his neck with tender lips, Radeel was gulping slowly, despite the hunger he had seen in his eyes. His breath hitched when he realised, and Lou felt his confidence rise. He needed to continue.

‘Radeel, I'll.... I'll talk because I don't know if you'll give me another chance to and I–’

Fangs pressed into him. The softness vanished and Lou flinched, fingers cramping around Radeel’s shoulder blades. Lou didn't falter – he couldn’t.

‘I can't forgive you’, he said and felt his tongue freeze a little. Radeel tensed. When his muscles were released he was trembling. The sucking on his neck had halted.

‘I cannot, because there is nothing to forgive.’

He may not have faltered, but his voice did. It was bathed in highest caution of what it might produce. He only had this one chance; his thoughts only had this one voice. He didn’t want to hesitate, but the stickiness around his throat, as if honey had poured over his vocal chords, held him silent. Restraining himself from coughing, he gulped.

‘What has happened and been said, and what...almost happened, neither were your actions nor words. It wasn't you. I know. I must know.’

He wondered where their sticky reluctance came from. After all, he saw the pictures so clearly and truthfully in his mind. Why were the thoughts so easy, but their retelling this cruelling?

‘Back in the storage room, back during sleepless nights, I met you, I saw you. I cherished that person. I do now more than ever, and I know there is this version of you.’

Radeel swallowed carefully, his manner slower than ever as if the noise appeared an interruption.

‘Fear, it...alters it. It brings out the worst – changes it to something you do not even recognise yourself.’

Lou closed his eyes.

‘But that doesn't mean the best version of you has perished. It's just dimmed, faded...tired. I know because I was granted this version, one untouched by the influence of–’

Eyelids shot open and he bit down on his lip. Fingers were clutching around Radeel's clothing, their tips merely brushing past the fabric before they were labelled as invasive.

‘I do not know what you need to hear, Radeel’, he continued and breathed, deeper, more confidently. ‘I'm guessing. I assume that I know, but I don’t... not if you don't tell me, talk to me.’

As if struck by an outer force, fingers clutched around Radeel's blouse. It must've appeared desperate, but truly it was worry crawling through Lou's muscles and into Radeel's back.

‘Give me a chance to find the words, to know what I need to say. An idea of what to encourage, which is already there and never left because neither so did you. Please, Radeel, I–’

His neck was given free. Radeel's fingers were lurking around his waist, too softly to be perceived hadn't Lou known their presence. Words eluded them. Hidden away with them was any function they could’ve provided. Components of them, the sounds of breaths, strengthening upon every preceding, sailed over their lips, fled their lungs. Lou eventually couldn't stand the rhythm anymore. They were panting nothing into the gap between them, which was so small – physically. But to his mind so broad.

Lou let his arms drop. – He was mistaken.

Radeel pressed into him and shook into an embrace. His hold lacked strength and Lou misinterpreted the weak pull on him as uncertainty. When the air was split by a pleading cry, stuck inside Radeel’s throat where he had caught it with what little control remained, Lou’s view changed. He initiated a hold and shifted closer to Radeel’s chest, gently dropping into something he couldn’t put a word to.

‘Why are you still here?’, Radeel whispered, but his hoarse voice appeared so awfully clear. It sounded deep and raw, resonating within Lou’s mind. ‘Why are you still here for me?’

Although Lou took a moment to answer and pondered on the appropriateness of it, he called his response thoughtless.

‘I want to make it seem a bit fairer.’

Ill-mannered and daring – he recognised what Taeslir had thought of him back at the scene. He shouldn’t have brought it up, he thought after he had muttered the words, but Radeel’s words telling Lax, his suffering wasn’t fair, was the only memory he could find. It created an impulse to respond with the information gathered at that moment of intruded vulnerability. And didn’t that impulse spring from the hearty desire to reassure and comfort Radeel?

Radeel leaned back and held Lou in position. He wasn't looking at Lou. His glance was swaying somewhere around his collarbone. A mixture of pain and relief dwelled inside its colour why Lou shakily pulled away. Radeel hastened back, with enough tenderness to let Lou continue his escape.

‘You didn't deserve that.... you don't deserve this.’ Radeel shifted around his shoulder, pressing into him, so as if he was trying to hide something Lou wouldn't have seen anyway.

‘Yes, I didn't’, Lou said, fingers curling. ‘But neither do you.’

It fled Radeel. The sob screeched through the room, scratching the walls in all its emotion before it was caught in a choke.

Lou felt Radeel's hand lifting and pressing to his face, the hold of his other hand intensified even after he had wiped and lowered his hand. He could not tell how long they continued sitting like that. It must have been minutes, a continuous steady rhythm of shared breaths. Listening to Radeel's easing the longer he maintained the tight hold around his shoulders, telling of not letting go, Lou felt emotions shift. He had felt unease before, despite not fearing, not dreading anything. Feelings of memories, emotions of anger, revolt and tears had gripped him, but as he was silently sitting in Radeel's lap he felt content. Really, he didn’t care for anything that lay outside the embrace.

They pulled away when Radeel wanted release, his arms sinking powerlessly so that Lou slowly gave into the invitation of sitting down beside him. Their eyes didn't meet. Lou had searched for them, but upon his glance swaying, Radeel placed his elbow on the armrest, chin on hand, leg over leg, pursuing any motion rather than the glance to the side. His breaths were speeding up, but Lou waited – waited until they subsided alongside his other movements.

Radeel's glance fell on him eventually, cheek now touching his knuckles as his chin had pulled away, and Lou invited them. The want on Radeel's lips was tiny. The grateful words sailed over them quietly and with an emotionless voice, steeped in exhaustion, drunken on pain. Still, Lou smiled. His name had followed the simple expression and at the guilt trembling over Radeel’s tongue he felt the need to shake his head. His eyes closed in the safest of flutters. When he opened them, Radeel had turned away. He was glancing at the cupboard he had earlier called shielding.

‘I wish my’ thank you’ and your almost natural quickness of forgiving would change anything’, he whispered, and Lou caught a flicker of red toward him, so brief it could've been a streak of lightening.

‘What do you mean?’

‘It's not safe here.’ Radeel didn't look at him while he was preparing his reply. ‘Not anywhere. Not for you. You should go with them to another village.’ He halted, checking if silence altered anything about Lou's reaction. When it didn't, Lou was gifted a pair of red. ‘Pack your stuff and then place it somewhere. Somewhere you can survive, leave everything behind.’

Lou shook his head still before he answered, ‘No, Radeel, I won't because–’

‘It doesn't matter where as long as you aren't with the others anymore. You can just leave and live like you–’

‘Radeel, I will not do that.’ Lou had moved his hand toward him upon expressing his name. He jerked away and Lou halted, holding on to the red pair. While Lou retreated his hand, the stare altered. Radeel began eyeing him and returned to Lou’s eyes with a changed expression.

Somewhere between perplexed and stunned his glance fell without coherent thought. Perplexed at discussing something with someone, he had thought of to not raise any argument. Stunned at realising he had held such obedience and lack of character for certain. – Their mix, vaguely defined as confusion by what Lou could observe before Radeel blinked it away, appeared with a tint of sadness. Though, as such it was little and Radeel managed to overthrow it in a rise of despair; despair thrown at Lou in anger.

‘You can't stay here. You are better off if you leave and just–’

‘That is not up to you to decide!’

Lou rose from the couch and balled his hands. While Radeel was eyeing him, he stepped back.

‘Lou, all I'm trying to do his keep you–’

‘I am my own decision, Radeel!’, Lou yelled. His lungs cheered him on, supported him with eruptive blows of air, and let him gain the confidence to step closer. ‘You can't take that from me. I want this, I know that I want it!’

His voice cracked at the next syllable, and he halted. Radeel’s widened eyes were blinking up at him, emotions twinkling in them which Lou hadn’t aimed for. His lungs too gained reason and he relaxed his shoulders, his posture slumping a little.

‘Yes, it's dangerous and it’s hard. Sometimes, I can hardly breathe because of it; I want to cry, but I can't.’

He swallowed a breath before it could shake from his lips. At the expression of said thoughts, said desire and fear, he caught his glance wanting to drop, but he threw his determination after it, hauling it upward.

‘And yet I want it and it's not up to you to decide whether I go for it or not’, he was speaking calmly, but his resolution and the control over his voice made the statement appear sterner than its yelled precedent. ‘Not to any of you.’

He was looking at Radeel. The red eyes were glassy under his glare. Lou’s mouth fell shut as he realised the cause for Radeel’s tears and tried to subdue its impact, but was too slow. Radeel rushed upward and Lou’s glance tumbled after him as he turned toward the wall of the room. Lou’s glance twitched to the door and then to Radeel’s back. He scolded himself as his glance caught the distance he had created, as he realised he had run into the opposite direction of sense.

‘All I tried was my best at making sure you aren't hurt again’, Radeel said and raised his arm. Fingers were tracing over his lips. Careful in the step, Lou sneaked forward.

‘I didn’t say your reasoning was wrong, Radeel’, he said quietly, so quietly he couldn't have hidden his creaking footsteps. Radeel’s arm fell, and his hand rushed to his amulet, fingers clasping around it. ‘It's the better choice I know, but I–’

‘All I'm trying is my best.’

His breath was lost in the last word, changed to a tremble in his voice. Lou froze and his glance dropped to Radeel's hand. He was pressing the golden disc into his palm, the veins around his knuckles pushing up against his skin. Lou brought up his hands, but curled his fingers into his palms. He wanted to do something, knew he needed to help, but words were lost at his tongue just as the happiness that should've surrounded the amulet in Radeel's hand.

‘I shouldn't have screamed, Radeel. I'm sorry’, he still tried and walked toward Radeel's side, hoping to be granted a place in his field of sight. ‘I didn't–’ He stopped himself. A weight pulled on his feet and rooted them to the ground, his glance dropping. ‘What do you mean go with them – with the others?’

He called his name, but no muscles reacted, no lips twitched, no faint breath gave an idea of what Radeel was thinking.

‘Why would I only go with the others?’

At the repetition, Lou could watch as the amulet was twisted in Radeel's fingers. They slipped off the next instant and a tremble danced across the tips that were resting millimetres above it. They shot into a fist, pressure enforcing obedience, and Radeel turned around. Lou took a second to catch his glance, but when he did nothing could've prepared him.

It was sailing down on him, so effortlessly, so calmly. The notion of anger and frustration Lou had had at the tremble around the amulet, was sent into oblivion at the perfectly still picture. If it was sadness that had caused Radeel's flicker of emotion, it had been drowned. Drowned by something much deeper and persistent and malign and rotting. What Lou was glancing at, wasn't the glance of someone who had made peace with himself or held the brief unwanted eruption of his innermost sentiment at bay. Radeel didn't even try. The red in his eyes was dripping wet, not of tears, not of anger or betrayal. Lou recognised the feeling. He knew what Radeel was trying to hide – or rather trying not to try. He had seen it so often in the mirror when he couldn't sleep and felt like watching his reflection – for the entire night if thoughts had no mercy for him. He remembered seeing it not long ago, dirtied and a little twisted in the mirror of this lodging's bathroom; he had looked at himself before cutting his finger for Liu.

No, Radeel wasn't angry or sad. Those feelings were residing among a set of emotions inside of him, stirred with every gruesome thought, but they weren't what had caused the colour in his eyes to thrive so peculiarly. Lou grasped his red, hollow glare dangerously easily, the thought behind it so close to his own, he didn't manage to make a sound.

The stirring stick inside Radeel's potion of wishes, pains and hopes had been working so thoroughly. The flow of liquid inside had turned viscous, and he had found the desire to loosen his grip, as exhaustion from holding on to it had grown. That's why he had let it go. Lou remembered his determination when he had done so, too. He had cherished the sudden calmness feigned inside that vicious pot. Too comforting in that times of loneliness during nights he'd never talk about, he had dwelled in that comfort just a little too long. Then he had noticed. How the stir had begun again. He couldn't tell the reason at that time. He hadn't touched upon any thought, any pain of the deadening creation. Neither had he tried to search for a solution or clung to some type of hope. So why? Why had that damned stick started to jerk and twist and move when he had so clearly given up and shown it his nonchalance?

The reason was the same as the one making Radeel's glance on him so perplexed in all its seeming calmness. Nothing was calm about it. Radeel was trying to have it calmed – or, again, was rather not trying and just succumbed to the stir – but he failed exactly at that; trying.

And Radeel's numbness faded as he realised. His eyes averted themselves from his hollow state as he knew he could not ignore the stirs that he thought impossible without his interference. Red irises were diminishing in diameter as his pupils widened, Lou almost seeing himself in them. He couldn't have seen anything anymore; the distance and the contraction of his eyes' muscles didn't match the requirements for eyesight. Lou raised his voice. He wanted to get him out of this tortuous path now placed both on mind and senses.

‘We are leaving, Radeel. What are you–’

‘What do you call ‘we’?’, he snapped, his jaw clenching at the sound of his voice. His tone sounded so harsh, yet there was hardly any volume behind it, hardly a belief to it. ‘There is no ‘we’. There–‘ He choked on his own breath and looked away. Lou wanted to rush after him but found himself at loss of words. He knew exactly what Radeel was feeling, he was observing and seeing proof of it so, so obviously. Radeel didn't want this, Lou had not doubt, but he knew the other had.

His words didn’t reflect what he wanted to say. It had been so tiring to hold on to the stick and simultaneously extend his other hand toward the little spark of hope. So, he had let it do as it wanted, let memories, good and bad, toy with him as they wanted. Lou had also believed that method superior. To just stop. To give up his control over everything that pained and go after that beautiful gleam. But once he had let go of the stick, it had disappeared and Lou – just like Radeel – had noticed too late. Doubt then crept into their heads and it was much crueller than the one that could’ve told him his decision to let loose was wrong.

It let them doubt if there ever was something like a spark. – If there ever was good among those memories it now toyed with. And Radeel pronounced it so clearly.

‘There never was a ‘we’.’

Lou was at loss of words. He couldn't help him, no advise fell to his tongue, why he had to hurt him by being stubborn. Just a little longer, he thought, he prayed, really.

‘Radeel, everyone’s outside. We are worried and–’

‘Who's ‘we’?’ Lou couldn't believe his eyes as Radeel's face gained colour, a shade of red blooming on his skin. ‘The troupe? Is that your ‘we”? What is it really but a faked, staged bond created to feign the idea of order and idealistic trust, oh so carefully weaved by Laxseau–’

In an instant, the colour was drained. Eyes too were stolen of their supernatural beauty, the light in them fully drained so that their colour appeared an unclean brown. As its existence ceased with a blink of eyelids, Lou questioned his sanity of believing something that unrealistic. Yet, the paleness of Radeel remained as he turned away, face directed to the floor, his back slumped. As if the name had wiped him clean of what resolve he had felt spreading at the rise of his voice, no more desire to continue reflected in his eyes, which were slowly turning back to their usual colour.

Taeslir words re-entered Lou's thoughts, shooting into existence as if his life depended on them. – Or Radeel's. This room seemed too restricting to let any utterance, no matter how well-worded and convincing it may have been, turn to nothing but voiceless dust. Inducing all those feigned feelings of comfort and right and peace, the walls were closing in on them with every breath they took. Even faster they moved, when Radeel raised his voice again.

‘You'll leave. Stay with them if you want, you're right, I can't decide that for you.’ It was so silent, so breathless. Broken, like shattered glass, the sharp pieces were pressing into Radeel's throat and modified the eventual sound into something no screech or scream could've conveyed. ‘But I'll also leave because.... because–’

‘Radeel’, Lou breathed into a step forward, keeping his hands close to him, not to seem intrusive. ‘Please come outside with me.’

He objected with a shake of his head and let his gaze fall.

‘Radeel!’ He didn't scream, neither so he raised his voice. The exact same sound slithered from his lips as he placed his hand on Radeel's arm and squeezed. A red glance fell on it, with no intention behind it. ‘You'll come outside with me.’

‘No, Lou.’ The way his name dropped from his lips could've been enough for Lou to drop to his knees and give up. It sounded so wrong, so heartless. ‘I told Taeslir and I'm telling you. I'll stay here and…I don’t know, I'll leave and get going and–’

‘Please’, Lou begged and hesitated. Barely a breath he allowed himself to ponder on the word he had uttered. He didn't want to plead, he couldn't, not upon the soulless call of his name he had just encountered. Yet his voice was gliding from his lips. Not like honey, there was no disturbance of such a connotation or the like. It was just his voice; mellow and serene. It allowed him to repeat it. ‘Please, Radeel – I... I can't refuse your decision. Just as I don't want you to ignore mine, I can't invalidate yours.’

He swallowed, his strength slipping at Radeel's unchanged glance. As if an immovable spirit had claimed him, he glanced at him and listened solely because senses had the habit of doing so.

‘You're allowed yours and I and no one can force it from you. But you also can't take the others' decision from them.’

‘What decision?’

Lou shook his head.

‘I can't tell you, Radeel. I only ever saw it, I cannot put it into words, even though I've craved it so often.’ Again, he hesitated, but his glance told of his close not yet having arrived. Radeel kept silent as Lou weighed the wording of his next sentences. ‘If you can't answer that question, neither can I. Because it's not my answer.’

His voice was trembling and after his mouth had been shut, the sensation clung to his fingers. Lou had no doubt the words struck Radeel, but if this last act of convincing was to be in vain, he'd have lost. Lost so ultimately against the wicked game none of them wanted to be in.

Radeel turned away and hid his glance. He was panting again, the vain attempts of calming his breathing feeding into the twitches around his lips. When those muscles weren’t satisfied, he sniffed before his breaths blew through his nose. They were quieter like this, but stronger. His chest required more than the weak breaths could deliver and so, straining the air around him, noises started to quell in his throat. Starting out as hums, Lou didn’t pay them much of a thought. He had wanted to wait patiently for Radeel’s answer, but when they turned into supressed sobs, infesting Radeel’s throat with a dryness that must’ve ached, Lou realised he couldn’t. He couldn’t allow him to slip away.

‘Radeel?’ he whispered, trying to sweep as much colour into his voice as his hectic state permitted. Silent lips begged for Radeel's glance to shift. They raised into a smile when it did. ‘Do it for me?’

Radeel's expression shifted. A twitch of his muscles was thrown over him in pain. His lips trembled against their seal and his eyes lit up. The spark in them twinkled toward Lou and only after a second of inspection, regret took root at choosing his words with such manipulating intent. The thought of it being for the better didn’t reassure Lou any longer as he glanced at a sparkly light in Radeel’s eyes. He had thought it a flame of revival, of emotion returning, but found it a tear glistening under the dull light of the lamp to his back. He had taken Radeel the choice to refuse his request.

He wanted to escape it; the result of his words. He dared to blink once too much so that the thought of lowering his head appeared sensible. At last possible moment, he caught himself and kept his chin heightened to meet Radeel's gaze. He put his second hand on Radeel's arm, carefully tracing toward his hand. His fingers clumsily slithered in between Radeel’s, and they tightened. Lou gripped Radeel's hand so vehemently, he thought he'd bruise himself.

‘I'll be right here.’ His voice was but a whisper.

Radeel finally looked away and down on the hand clutching so desperately to him. He moved away, fingers drifting apart and turned to the side. Radeel raised his hand toward his chest, tenderly scratching a spot, his blouse rustling gently.

‘I'll – fine... I'll – yes.’

From the corner of his eye, he glanced at Lou and fully shifted back as he noticed fallen eyelids to his side. Lou had taken a breath deeper than every other of that day and only opened his eyes again as lungs and mind appeared satisfied. He nodded his head and initiated the start, feet placed after another in worryingly slow pace. Chosen on purpose, he could glance back to Radeel who only moved when Lou was already at the door, waiting patiently and without pressure.

He stopped again to Lou's side, a hand lifted toward the door. It was placed on his stomach after some time of hesitation and his glance fell to Lou. Again, Lou nodded and forced his lips to a smile, hoping to have it seem sincere.

‘I'll tell them what I think and consider best’, he said, unexpressed sadness leaping through his words. But Lou simply nodded his head. He'd support him, that was what he had promised. And he'd let him know.

‘And that I don't believe in a future of this.’

It pained, even him who was uninvolved. Yet, Lou nodded. Radeel glanced to the door, eyes dropped to the knob and his hand was placed on the shining metal.

‘All this... at best a staged farce. Lies and fantasies.’

Lou stiffened. He couldn't bring himself to agree, not at the most desperate of moments he'd have shown support for Radeel's conviction. – Though was it really one?

Radeel was glancing at the knob and Lou didn’t need to react to the statement, so he weighed the content against Radeel's stance and voice. He was slumped at the shoulders, head hanging off his neck a little. Never had Lou found him that small, that easy to push around and achieve a change. And his voice – Lou had heard it before. He wasn't supposed to know when Radeel resorted to such a use of his tongue. The emptiness and complete loss of self-esteem had only ever been whispered at Lax, at a moment when Radeel had thought to have lost one of the most important people in his life.

Lou realised. He couldn't say, why he did so late; he should've known at the tremble in his voice, at the distancing by standing up, at the tears watering his beautiful irises. He shouldn't now, when Radeel's hand had grasped will and turned the knob.

The door pushing open in a scream of pain.

Chapter Text

Lou was staring at Radeel. He was staring at him, the motion of the door, and the twitching of his lips. Slumped down, the muscles in his neck stiffened, his shoulder blades too exhausted to move. His expression twisted, telling how he didn't dare to push his shoulder blades against his spine. Looking at the floor, he took a step back, and the door pushed past his body. A sound tore from its hinges and screeched in their ears. Lou curled the corner of his mouth as it reached him, a frown resting atop his eyes. He didn’t understand why the door made its presence known now, but had happened to be quiet upon his intruding. He eyed Radeel, eyelids parted in a mix of unease and fright. A dance of woe was swirling around his lips, and as his hand trembled on the knob, he pressed them to a thin line. But pressure didn't ease the lively mood of it. Continuing to shake, his fingers slipped of the metal and rushed to his side. The floor and his gaze hesitated to part with one another, but when they did, a quiver tore his lips apart. Facial muscles trembled; his arisen head sat on a stiffened neck. His chest was heaving.

Lou flinched at his reaction, biting his lip, and stepped closer, his hand arisen. Radeel’s gaze was jerking. A vehement flicker in which he couldn't have caught much of what his irises were twitching between. Lou stepped closer and attempted an encouraging push into Radeel's back.

Rooted to the spot, he didn't move. His attention was fully drawn to the picture outside this room, his eyes reflecting how tormenting it must have been. Lou felt his own nerves sparking, his muscles hesitating, when he bent his figure to look outside. He stepped into the doorway, his hand never leaving Radeel, and pressed his waist against Radeel's hip. He didn't even notice how his teeth had buried themselves into his bottom lip until he felt them slide off, a brief sigh of relief brushing over his lips.

His glance had dropped to everyone's kneeling figures. Their heads lowered, a subordinate lean on an arisen knee.

Radeel tumbled back into the room, but only one clumsy step fell, and Lou turned back. It must've looked like a startle, but Lou smiled at him and hence annihilated any idea of such tension. He saw Radeel's eyes glistening, a glassiness swimming in his glance, and grabbed his wrist, the difference in temperature attracting both of their gazes. Lou's glance returned quicker, his senses returned quicker, and he pulled on Radeel. His step fell in a tumble, but it followed Lou's lead.

He closed the door, his figure smooth in slipping behind Radeel. At the lock clicking, he found his wrist clasped in Radeel’s fingers, a faint tremble running over his skin. He turned to look over his shoulder, gaze focusing on Radeel's grasp, then on the back of his head. He was observing the others, eyes flicking between bundles of hair. Lou smiled as he followed his gaze, a lightness in his blood, before he returned to Radeel's side. After he had found his expression one of surprise, he used that smile for finding the strength to pull away.

As he stepped away, Radeel's grip tightened, but his strength failed against Lou's careful twist of his arm. An aching, low gasp tore from his lips, his hand chasing after Lou's swift removal to the corner of the room. Lou's glance blazed up at the sound while Radeel's was covered by a veil, all earlier surprise sunken into the depths of this darkening film. An idea of betrayal danced around his expression; his cheeks struck with the colour of blood. Lou's hands cramped around his stomach, and his smile sank. The tremble circling Radeel's lips weighed on his conscience. The glistening helplessness in his eyes lured him to return.

‘Radeel’, Taeslir breathed, halting Lou's regret and Radeel's pleading motion. His body was still leaning toward Lou, but the call for him drew his gaze away, and Lou softly closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were eyeing each other, a vibrant green hitting a twitching red. To him, this silence seemed excruciating, but he knew he couldn't tear it. Against his conviction, cognizant that sorting this wasn't on him, he could merely smile weakly. No matter how much he craved to still Radeel’s pain, to provide what he had promised, (to pursue his earlier plead,) he couldn’t help. Radeel needed to do this on his own.

Taeslir called his name again, quieter, a whisper in his breath, ‘We...you aren’t. Our whole condition...this– ‘ His voice faded into an exhale, and he lowered his head. The frantic rise of his chest looked painful in this position, but it continued for a couple of shaky breaths. ‘Nothing of this’, he continued, his voice trembling as it carried his glance up, ‘not one piece is…we aren’t...at all-‘

‘Fuck this’, Deengar grunted and pushed out of his cowering stance. Taeslir hissed his name and turned to him, his head jerking in horrifyingly mechanical manner. Deengar glared at him as he leaned against the end of an old armchair, placed next to the sofa. ‘What? I fucking told him I was following him, not some boss.’ – His eyes darted to Lou. – ‘I fucking told him.’

Lou nodded quickly; glad he was solely being eyed by Deengar as he assured him of what he had done. He stopped after Deengar had closed his eyes, a hand pressing against his shoulder as he sighed against the non-existent cushions. Taeslir huffed, but turned to Radeel.

‘He’s right though’, Taeslir started and stretched his pause with a sigh. (He didn’t notice, but Deengar smiled at his smooth continuation.) ‘This applies to all of us. We all follow you. We all followed this.’ He raised his hand. Radeel’s glance chased after it, but no meaningful gesture touched his fingers. ‘This…these connected – this bond. Nothing of this could’ve been spun by Laxseau.

‘He contributed to it, created his own web, surely. I won’t deny that.’ His glance fell. ‘We can’t deny that. Though…what he thought he was controlling like a marionette, it circled around him, but this…us…he – Radeel.’

Another shaking breath tore from his lips.

Lou felt sorry for him; none of them should’ve had this weight on their shoulders. By failing to physically bring them down, it placed its rapacious strength on Taeslir’s words. His glance ached for support as he looked at Radeel again, green blinking through dark lashes. His eyes reflected the candles' light. Their spark was dancing across an afflicted shade of his irises, striving to find another way. Another option than starting this all by himself.

Lou, though, knew Taeslir had chosen this option. Despite his understandable wish for a different one, he had put the weight on his back and tongue because he didn't want the others to carry this dreadful start on their shoulders. And if he failed, the paining twitch around his lips revealed how he could (gladly) only blame himself.

‘He pulled on your decisions, Radeel’, he continued, his arm trembling on his thigh, ‘but that doesn’t change their initial owner. It was you who decided on us, not Laxseau.’ A tired breath escaped him. He covered it with a sad laugh. ‘Hell, if it had been Laxseau, some of us wouldn’t even be alive right now.

‘He’d have wanted you to do differently. Yet, you didn’t.’ His glance chased to Liu to his right. No reassuring smile touched their lips, but Taeslir still contently huffed at their saddened expression. Lou guessed the similarity in their glances was what made him continue, ‘Yet, we are here.’ His smile at Radeel was weak. ‘We are here because he did not have a say, a part, in creating what you did. He didn’t have control. Never of you, and never of us choosing to follow you. Not some regime.’

Voice fading, he breathed softly, though his chest was visibly heaving. Radeel’s glance had stopped twitching, now reduced to a hollow stare as he was frowning at Taeslir. The sadness in those lines, despite the success they told of, as they acted as a gateway to where Taeslir’s words were headed, made Taeslir scuttle. His mouth hung open, dry, and voiceless as he gazed at Radeel. His shoulders only carried as much. His tongue only stemmed these words.

Liu shifted to his side and his glance rushed to them. They sat down on their knees before glancing at Radeel, his eyes already dawning on them.

‘It’s not just about obedience or loyalty’, they breathed and tore their hand from their thigh, their glance falling to the gesture. They were eyeing it as if they hadn’t expected the tremble of their fingers. Their gaze saddened, and they reached for Taeslir’s arm, ‘I think.’ They squeezed his arm and looked back at Radeel. ‘I never really listen to anyone, I know that' –they smiled– ‘and I never listened to Lax. But with you…I’d have felt ashamed if I had ignored your warning. It’s‘ –they halted and glanced at Taeslir– ‘is it respect?’

Yppha groaned to their back, both their gazes attracted. His hand stemmed against the table to his left, fingers trembling as he pushed out of his kneel. At his weight, his strength failed him, and his elbow twisted upward, his face brushing just past the table. Lou’s body jerked forward, but he stopped as he noticed a hesitant step falling from Radeel’s foot. One of his hands had arisen, fingers worryingly stretching forward, but he retreated it and slung his arm around his waist when Yppha powerlessly pushed himself up. Lou averted himself and watched how Yppha's back plumped against the end of the sofa.

‘Radeel’, he started and fought against his head, his glance slowly rising. ‘What Taeslir said; I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t turned me. I realised that years ago, but only came to appreciate it an awful time too late. Lax, he…

'He wouldn’t have spared an innocent child. Those were your own words. Now, they’re mine. – I never understood why.’ His voice faded. Lou stepped back, his foot hitting a tiny cupboard. He hastened to sit down on it, a feeling nagging at him as he didn’t understand his words. He couldn’t have known about their reference, and as he didn’t, he told himself he wasn’t to intrude this scene. ‘Why? But Lax didn’t understand either. He just couldn’t understand why you did it–‘

‘What the poor wounded poets are trying to say’, Deengar cut him off with a roll of his eyes that ended at Radeel, ‘is that no, Radeel, you aren’t Lax. And you aren’t his upbringing.’ He fell silent for a second, his glance piercing with something that made Radeel’s glance scuttle. It wasn’t malicious, Lou figured, but his eyes were twitching around the floor as Deengar continued, ‘You aren’t. No matter how much Lax wanted you to.

‘And this whole story about a bond, and respect, and compassion. Just say what you want to say, good lord. Nothing of this is Lax’ work.’

‘Deengar!’ The same hiss as before. ‘Stop acting this apathetic!’ His voice a cry. ‘How are we supposed–‘

‘Apathetic?’ Disgust leapt through his voice, and his expression darkened. Taeslir fell back against the floor, the last to exit their submissive stances. ‘I’m just not up for this stupid idea of hiding your meaning behind words that are meant to be beautiful and nostalgic and whatever not. You said ‘convince him” and–‘

‘That’s what he had to say because you didn’t read through his prepared notes!’ Liu leapt past Taeslir, their figure stemmed against their arm.

‘Both of you’, Taeslir cried, and pressed his fingers against his forehead. ‘Will you just–‘

‘Why should I convince him if everything is in damn plain sight?’, Deengar yelled, and Taeslir’s glance jerked back to him. His fingers were shaking as the volume had driven them away from his face. Something in Deengar’s glance kept him from contradicting him, but his lips still trembled. His glance was still glassy as he directed it to the floor, hope praying in those irises. (And he didn’t notice, none of them did, because no one was looking at Radeel. Lou had been eyeing him and knew that Taeslir’s dread was unfounded. He had seen how Radeel’s lips flickered at their dispute. The brief smile had turned his glance livelier, the pain in his chest outward to where they all wanted it.)

‘When I joined you’, Deengar started, eyes settling on Radeel, ‘you know the story, I won’t repeat it, you had been the one to approach me. Lax hadn’t even done so after I had settled.

‘Yppha. He was the one who encouraged Liu to clean up and start over when that one experiment had failed. Taeslir calmed you after you had thought to have burned those important documents with the other pile of papers. Liu mixed that disgusting potion and cured half of our people’s sunburn after the west array had crushed in broad daylight. And I was the one responsible because I had introduced that tradition of our yearly tournament. It was – as you said – only destructive.

‘It was also you who was sitting at the edge of Yppha’s bed when he didn’t dare to close his eyes. You were the one to listen to Liu’s explanation about some ritual although you knew it would take several hours. You who dragged Taeslir off his desk before I had even as much as the chance to. And you who never doubted I could somehow work in a team that didn’t seem to ever function as one.’

Lou’s lips curled warmly, and he noticed how his earlier malicious thoughts faded. His eyes almost watered, and as he glanced at Radeel, a warmth spread from his chest. He touched his heart, although he was sure it weren't the strings that bloomed with heat inside of him. It was something he saw in Radeel’s glance, Yppha’s closed eyes, Liu’s squeezed grip, and Taeslir’s loving smile. How could it appear in such a darkened valley and diffuse such warming gold to everyone?

‘And yet’, Deengar whispered, his glance stern as it turned, but replaced by a smile as it met Taeslir, ‘we are here.’

Maybe, this was why.

Radeel sniffed strongly and pressed his knuckles against his lips, a tremble around either of them. Taeslir leaned back, his glance softening at a shift in positions. He attempted to raise his voice, but Liu’s call for Radeel brushed the air before he could.

‘You know, I thought about what Lou said’, they whispered as Radeel glanced at them. The red in his eyes was shining with something so natural, his glance possessed no sting, ‘about how you don’t need to apologise. I agree with you not being you and all, but your actions and words...they had something of pure truth to them. – I appreciated it. This fully honest display of hurt without wrenched lies, but now you’re hiding, and now they’re starting to hurt. I’d have wanted an apology.’

Radeel’s face twisted in pain, his throat scratched with the quiver of a sob.

‘But what Lax always said’, they breathed, the touch on Taeslir strengthening, ‘hurt so much more. He only ever expressed is disgust and disinterest to my rituals. He only saw me as a tool. Something he didn’t want to get close to. – But you had regret in your eyes, so you probably felt bad, and noticed that you didn’t mean what you said…that’s fine. (Somehow, this made Radeel sob.) It’s fine because you realised, but Lax…he claimed he never lied. And maybe he sprinkled his words with little hints of the truth to stand in a better light. Not to be truthful. You can’t say the truth by twisting your words to fit a story. You can’t just keep information and call the rest the truth. That’s not how it works.

‘And then I thought about what Lou said’, they continued and Taeslir chuckled to their side. A strand of his hair tiredly fell over his enlightened expression, adding just the loving caress his glance needed. ‘That stuff he said about Lax lying when he lost control. And then I thought about why he had lost control. His failure and how he couldn’t deal with being wrong and–‘

‘Liu’, Yppha called out, and Lou somehow knew only he could’ve halted them. ‘What they’re getting at,’ he breathed and pushed against the sofa. ‘Lax wanted someone to sort the shitty work for him while he could observe, supervise…judge. He’s been doing that for such a long period of time that I can’t tell you how much truth lay in his words. – That doesn’t change what he’s failed. When he found you, he saw an easy win. He saw you as...', he halted and pressed his fingers against his temple, 'what had Liu called it just now? Right.' A squeaked laugh. 'A tool.

'He thought you’d share his views without ever doubting anything. He was so aghast when you raised your doubt at that one meeting. I thought he had some experiences of himself that he hadn’t told us about – but he never told us anything anyway.’

Yppha paused for another quiet laugh, and Lou frowned. The others did too, figures hastening to look at him.

‘He thought your hatred of humans was as strong as his, and maybe it was for some time. Or you were more disgusted at your own kind for doing something like that. You chose us after all, and we were all human and Lax hated that thought. And still you – but still Lax, he…’

‘Yppha?’, Taeslir pressed all their worried glances into his voice. Radeel’s eyes had widened, especially at Yppha’s assumptions of his feelings. Not because they felt misplaced, but because Yppha would’ve never directly addressed them like this. ‘Yppha, let me–‘

‘No’, he yelped, his body jumping a bit as he pushed against the floor. ‘No, let me finish this.’ He looked at Radeel, forced his glance to stay rested. ‘Lax wanted someone like himself, but you...Lax wanted another boss, something like a disciplinary, but you, Radeel, you became a leader.

'Lax never invested energy in our wishes or interests. He ever really complained and disagreed and…he – fuck…’ He lowered his head to his palm, eyes closing, ‘he only–‘

‘He didn’t care about anyone’, Lou cut him off, everyone’s gazes chasing to him. He lightly tapped his fingers against each other and decided to meet Taeslir’s glance. ‘Liu said that…during that travel.’

‘Oh, yeah right!’, they took over and jumped on their knees. They were looking at Radeel as they explained what they had been talking about. ‘I don’t know why I said that. It just felt right at that time. He never really did, at least not for me. And if he didn’t care for any of this, then…then, it hurts, but…yeah, it just hurts.’

Taeslir attempted to speak once more, lips had already opened too, but was cut short by a quiet whine to their back. Yppha choked out Radeel’s name, his eyes blinking at the floor.

‘It doesn’t matter if he did’, he said, unable to raise his glance. ‘You did, and that made you walk beside us, not above or away from us. Like Lax did both. There never’, he chuckled, but the sound was sucked back in, his eyes squinting. ‘We all kneeled just now, but that was only to shut you up. We had needed to talk first. There never was a hierarchy anywhere. You never put yourself first. That’s why it was our decision, and you can’t force it from us. (His glance struck Lou’s as he poured all his strength into the little flicker.) Our decision to trust you.’

‘And follow you’, Deengar emphasised.

‘Work with you, not for you’, Taeslir added.

‘And annoy you.’

‘Will you finally stop this!’ Taeslir pulled on his arm, dragging Liu with him. He slapped at them, trying to scold their chuckling, but gave in with a laughing sigh. His glance turned as Radeel sobbed into one of his own.

‘Radeel’, he finally earned his right to speak. ‘We’re all so tired and hurt.’ He briefly closed his eyes, exhaling a lump in his throat. ‘And as for myself, I’m only pulling through because of the others, but I don’t know how much longer I can go on…because I can’t lose this.’

He needed no gesture this time.

‘And you got to help us…because we need you as much as you need us.’

A sob tore through the air. Slowly, pure of raw emotion, it sailed to everyone’s level on the floor. Radeel tumbled, palm pressed against the wall, and Lou exhaled. His other hand curled out from under his elbow and wrapped over his mouth, but he could not reduce the painful quiver. And though, as he sank to his knees, his hurt stung them, everyone followed Lou’s example of puffing a sigh of relief. He was palming his eyes as they readied to continue, but his hands failed in hiding his tears. The red stains around his eyes appeared clearer than the creak in his breaths.

‘You said this would help him!’, Liu yelled and jumped toward him. ‘Then, why is–‘

He pulled them into an embrace, wettened palms pushing their back into a hollow cross. Pressed against their neck, his face hidden, his eyes closed. Lou allowed his eyelids to possess a similar brief downward flicker, but as he caught something from the corner of his eye, he cocked his head. Taeslir answered his glance with a smile, and Lou, returning it, watched as it faded from his face.

They dwelled in Radeel's oddly comforting sniffs a little too long that they forgot about Yppha’s condition. As if tearing from his lips to be remindful, a squeal sliced through the air. They merely rushed after it with their glances, but Radeel jumped from his spot. Sooner than Yppha could’ve rubbed over his hip, collided with the floor, Radeel pulled him onto the sofa, arms slung under his shoulders. Once he was sitting of his own strength, knees slightly parted to balance his weight, he rushed for Radeel's arm.

He didn’t call out to him, but lips played with a faint smile. Radeel, who fled the light gesture, crossed his fingers with Yppha’s. He pulled on the intertwined bundle and stemmed his elbows against either side of Yppha’s thigh as Yppha allowed him to lead his hand to his forehead. He forced his smile to remain on his lips as he caught his glassy eyes and trembling lips. Taeslir rose without a sound, but Yppha still followed his light steps with his glance. As he dropped to the floor beside Radeel, his own glance strayed to Yppha.

‘Are you fine?’, he asked and placed his hand on Yppha’s leg. Radeel’s head turned lightly at his words, but he refrained from glancing at either of them. After Yppha’s unseen nod, he met Taeslir’s peeking attempt of a glance, and jerked further away than before. They remained like this, and held their breaths as Radeel’s voice faltered at his attempt of raising it.

‘I can't–' His head slowly rolled into his neck. His eyes were blinking at their tearful dryness and Yppha’s warm embrace from above. He still looked away; their hands pulled to his temple. ‘I can’t lose this either.’

‘Why would you need to?’, Yppha breathed, but smiled when Radeel looked back at him. A paining, but welcomed, air was running over his muscles, and he sniffed. They didn’t comment on the squealed noise, only silently eyed each other as Radeel's fingers cramped around Yppha's. Several breaths – Radeel’s, mostly – shook the air, held them at chokehold, but as Taeslir exhaled slowly, they found some grip.

‘Radeel, talk to us.’ He reached for his forearm as eyes found no face and put a frown to his words. ‘We aren't any less pained. Or bruised, or tired.’

He smiled when Radeel’s head turned, but the delight fell from his face. It was drained as sharply as a pained inhale trembled over Radeel’s lips. They quivered when he released it.

‘I wish’, he whispered, voice slipping on dry air and falling into a cough, ‘I could tell you. Just something...grasp something of – only if I understood why, then maybe–‘ He sucked in another noise. ‘I thought I – your trust…my beliefs – how could I ever have trusted any-‘ The tremble in his voice succeeded, and the glassiness in his eyes strengthened at the sound he produced. But he continued, if so choked by his own words, ‘and why? Why do we now?’

He tore his left hand from Yppha’s, but clung to their bundled strength with his other as he led it to his shoulder. Taeslir glanced at his fingers, curling around his shirt, the shushing gesture only breaths away from his own dry throat. He grasped it, fought the lump and cramp of Radeel’s emotion, and snug his fingers toward Radeel’s palm. As he pulled the hand away from his shoulder and held it mid-air, red chased after it.

‘I can’t tell you how we trust, Radeel’, he said quietly. He laughed drily, needing to clear his throat before continuing, ‘and I really don’t want to hear you ask why we still trust you. Don’t do this to yourself.’

Radeel slipped his tongue over his upper lip, a repressed choke hitting his sealed throat. It spoke of the stream running down his face, and as the wetness’ sound tore from his throat completely, breaths flooded his lips, rather than words. He gripped Taeslir’s hand more tightly, hugging it to his shoulder, leaning his weight against it. His muscles loosened – and lost. Lost against what they, all of them, had wanted to achieve.

‘I just don’t know how I could–‘, Radeel started again, his hand twitching, longing to chase after another wet roll down his cheek. ‘I don’t know if I took your trust for granted or…non-existent – I just – you didn’t, and I shouldn’t have–‘ He gulped. ‘Can I still apologise even if you don't want me to?’ His breath scratched the rasp dryness of his throat, and he looked away after Taeslir only smiled at him.

‘You can do whatever the fuck you want’, Deengar said and hissed when he tried to pull upright. Stemming his hand against the armrest of the chair, his other clutching at his stomach, he hid his pain behind a twist of his face. ‘Do whatever you want, but don’t think we’d leave you here. I don’t care about your whole decision talk.’

Radeel smiled briefly and turned to him. As a tear rolled down his cheek, he turned up his nose a little. He turned his head further when Liu’s rising revealed the oldness of the panels, their steps creaking. They walked to Radeel’s free side, and waited for him to look up at them. As their eyes meet, their fingers slid into Radeel’s hair. They gently grabbed a bundle, pushed it out of his face, and traced past the swollen redness under his eyes.

‘An apology aren’t just words’, they whispered and cupped Radeel’s cheek. As they sat down on the armrest of the sofa, Radeel followed their lead, and they smiled before they explained, ‘and we received everything we wanted. You’re not responsible for any of this, Radeel. And you aren’t alone.’ Their smile turned brighter, and they threw their hand on Radeel’s shoulder. Grabbing Taeslir’s hand from that place, their arm that close to Radeel’s face, they must’ve felt his breath on their skin, they pulled Taeslir’s fingers onto Yppha’s and Radeel’s. They fixed the assuring gesture with a squeeze of their own hand. ‘We’re all in this together.’

Their gaze flickered up, and their hand soon joined, extending over Radeel’s head and stretching into nowhere. Radeel was as quick in wiping his hand over his face and eyes, as Liu called for Deengar. ‘You’re part of this too, so come here.’ They tilted their head to the side, pointing at their connected hands.

‘I will not’, he laughed and tried to straighten himself, which ended in one another grunt. ‘Last time I checked, only children do this. How old are you? I won’t take–‘

‘I don't know. Eighty? Ninety?’ Their voice trailed off as their eyes rose. Flickering around the ceiling, their glance seemed as if they were looking for an answer. When their head returned from the throw into their neck, they wore a twisted smile. ‘Old enough to know Taeslir will let you bear the consequences if you refuse me.’

They didn’t ask for Taeslir's approval, but he smiled in response and laughed, ' Get your ass over here.' He turned his head with a roll of his eyes.

Deengar responded with a huff, but pushed to his feet with a hiss and tumbled to their side. Seated next to Yppha, he put his hand atop of theirs, his face and glance turned away.

Lou was watching his, obviously acted, stubbornness. He studied their entire warm interaction and caught a smile twitching at his lips. Its edges rose higher when they seemed to have settled in what seemed so close, yet so unattainable. Just that, as Radeel's glance flickered toward him, one of those ideas crumbled. Only their eyes moved, each pair soon waiting in similarly expectant place.

His heart was racing as he grabbed his wrist, soothing what he could with a gentle push down on his veins. His pulse pumped so audibly; the warmth he had earlier felt intensified.

He shook his head at the red invitation, ‘I’m – I possibly couldn’t–‘

‘This isn’t a commitment, Lou’, Radeel whispered, his tone light. His voice as inviting as a warm mansion in the iciness of a winter’s storm. His glance; the glowing light of a lamp. – Just that it didn’t lure him into the house, into agreement. The other option, a safe hut, perhaps, small, alone, but enough, shined toward him right next to the pompous proposition. And he took a step toward it by starting to shake his head.

‘At the very least’, Taeslir piped up, and Lou halted, ‘it’s an apology.’ His gaze rose, as he gulped at an uneasy twitch around his lips. It was far from a smile.

Deengar peeked up and to Lou, his head turning the slightest bit. A flicker of his glance, like a spark that induced Lou to take a breath, sailed toward him. But he lowered it to Taeslir’s back.

‘At the very best’, Radeel used Lou’s surprised hesitance, holding him in his grip easier than he’d have liked, ‘it’s a promise. – Ours, never yours.’

Lou had held his breath, but exhaled now, his lungs pumping with the interrupted steady flow. He looked away and averted his glance. His lips jerked into the tiniest of upward pulls, though no idea of a smile stuck to the gesture. Even if he liked – wanted – knew that he wanted – to follow Radeel’s implication, his throat tightened in a notion of suffocation. A dreadful feeling that appeared to only be overcome with one specific denying word. Yet, as his tongue prepared his denial, his eyes caught the glimpse of a smile to his side. One he wouldn’t have expected, as pain overshadowed it even now.

‘Don’t act like you didn’t do anything.’ Yppha clung to the rise of his lips, although the kindness behind the gesture seemed lessened, the vampirical emotions toned down. And maybe, this was what made his observation, the value of his words, seem this sincere – this human. ‘You deserve to know that you’re significant and are appreciated for who you are. An approval stays a decision, just as an agreement stays a chance.’

Traced by the warmth of Yppha’s smile, his mind caressed by the tenderness of his words, Lou caught his tongue tied. Slowly, his figure rose, his lips long ahead in such a raised position. He hurried not in nearing them, but his thoughts were racing. The mansion in the cold winter night, and the tiny hut. How high were the chances they stood for one and the same appearance? Or, perhaps, weren’t opposing forces, but just ones that didn’t fully relate, but enrichen each other? – As he placed his hand on top of theirs, their coldness struck the warmth of his naturally perfused skin. The mix made him realise that, no, he couldn’t answer if he was staying true to himself when agreeing to this, but he knew that him being part of this wasn’t excluding him being his own person. The hut didn’t disrupt the beauty of the mansion’s scenery, just as the edifice didn’t destroy the idyllic, little spirit of the hut. Not while both appreciated each other for what they possessed, for how they had altered over time, and for what they would achieve by combining their atmospheres.

He puffed a content little stream of air as he squeezed their fingers briefly, his shoulder close to Radeel’s as he sat down beside him.

‘Okay, fine, you got your little, fun child-shit’, Deengar grunted and pulled out of their grasps, his back falling against the sofa as he pushed his hand on his stomach. ‘We need to get out of here, and get our lips on some blood, probably can’t do that in a place this close to the mountains.’

Radeel hummed in response, but raised his voice when Deengar’s glance flickered down on him, providing him the accuracy of words. Deengar closed his eyes and leaned back.

‘Fine’, he huffed, ‘I’ve hardly slept because of this shit though, so you’ll sort this out yourself.’ He gestured to his shoulder as his hand cramped around his stomach. His voice wasn’t harsh. He presented his pain almost too casually as he visibly strained himself when leaning forward. ‘And you’ll come with me.’ He looked at Yppha. A brief thought of denying danced across his face, lips opening in a want to help them, but he merely nodded as Deengar glared at him, and as he noticed the squeeze of Radeel’s hand around his.

Deengar rose to his feet and, more stating than asking, said that he would manage on his own. Watching Yppha straighten with the help of the others, he moved to his side, slinging as much support under his shoulder as his own strength allowed. For some reason, none of the others interfered although he grunted once or twice, and sighed in fatigue as he reached the door to the attaching room.

‘Hey’, he still said and turned around, his glance dropping to Taeslir on the sofa. ‘You didn’t do an all too bad job, don’t let us die in this creaky cab now.’ He disappeared with Yppha, who had a hand on his bandage, and softly closed the door, missing Taeslir’s smile.

‘You should sleep some bit as well’, Radeel mentioned after he had turned to Taeslir who, even to Lou, looked more exhausted than before, his shoulders slumped as if worn out by the weight he had carried.

‘I’ll be fine. We still need to–‘

‘You’ll go to sleep, he said’, Liu jumped from the armrest, grabbing Taeslir with both their hands, and pulled him toward them. They pushed him forward, hands stemmed against his back, but he slipped out of their hold with a quick step to the side.

‘You’ll be fine?’, he asked, glance drawn to Liu’s fingers clasped around his arm. As he noticed Radeel’s nodding agreement, his head rose, a smile touching his lips. (‘And Lou’s here’, Radeel added, his head turning to where he was sitting.) Liu pulled on him, but at one final call for Taeslir, they halted, glancing back at Radeel who expectantly waited for both their gazes.

‘Thank you.’

‘For sacrificing my limited hours of functional consciousness?’, Taeslir chuckled, grabbing Liu’s determinative grasp with his hand. ‘Just give me some of yours.’ He smiled, a weak laugh running through the air, and Radeel joined him. He did so with a tint of sadness though, and Taeslir took a step back at him, which Liu very much disagreed of. ‘Radeel’, he said more sternly, but still chuckled heartily, ‘don’t mention it.’

They disappeared behind the corner, and Radeel sank to his knees beside the tiny table. He was searching its thin filing for something Lou wasn’t given the reason, his back bent, eyes hidden in their seeking position. After some time, he pulled out some of the papers Lou had earlier seen Taeslir use. As plain as they were, he hadn’t paid them particular thought, but when Radeel threw some torn flyers on the table, he shifted closer. As expected, he couldn’t decipher their content, but Radeel ran his eyes over them. Many of them met and left his hand, his gaze soaking them up in a vastly too fast manner to possibly capture everything that was standing on their stained surface. When one stayed between his fingers longer than the others had, Lou pulled to the side, wanting to peek at them in hope of finding something like a drawing, but Radeel smacked the piece on to the table before he could eye it.

‘Here, we can use this’, he mumbled, more so to himself, and tipped the paper with the end of his finger before he got up. As he walked to Taeslir’s coat, placed on the cupboard behind them, Lou investigated the paper. Radeel’s tapping gesture seemed to have glued it to the table, but he didn’t dare raise his hand and check his idea. He was merely eyeing the unknown swirls and strangely drawn shapes, both looking neither fully drawn, nor written.

‘Use what?’

‘Transport.’

‘You can read this?’

‘Just slightly’, Radeel answered as he returned with a purse in his hand that Lou had only ever seen in Taeslir’s. ‘Nothing close to sentences or phrases, but certain letters and patterns stay in mind if you’ve done a lot in the East because of missions and the like–’

He froze, his fingers buried inside the wallet. Lou was looking at the picture of skin on money, but raised his head when he noticed Radeel’s state of bodily and mental stillness.

'That's a fancy little, non-descript trait', Lou whispered and turned to gather the scattered papers. As he put them back under the table, he didn't notice Radeel's glance on him, just as Radeel didn't notice the timid smile playing around his lips. Radeel licked over his own lips once before taking what he had wanted and stored the purse away. His returning steps halted quicker than earlier, and Lou turned around to find him standing in the middle of the room. His glance fell behind the corner.

‘They’re sleeping’, he whispered smilingly, his glance falling to Lou.

‘Liu too?’

He nodded. As he returned to his side, he explained how he’d get everything sorted and a plan somewhat fleshed out. If he wanted to, Lou could help him, but he’d also be acceptive if he decided to rest and clear his thoughts. Lou shook his head, and hastened to grab another paper from under the table, a pen picked up and turned around in his fingers in content anticipation.

Radeel was smiling as he approached, his words carrying the suggestion of stocking up on supplies before leaving. He turned on his heel as Lou jotted down his words. When he didn’t moved from the spot behind his back, Lou peeked over his shoulder. He fully turned around when he didn’t appear to be leaving.

‘You know’, he said, face flushed with something that reminded Lou of roses. ‘You’re much better than they tell you.’

‘Than who tells me?’

Radeel smiled, but dodged him by stepping to his side.

‘They’, he repeated, and brushed his index finger past Lou’s temple, the indicating gesture running off into his hair. His steps were flying over the panels as they carried him into the bathroom.

Lou covered the skin he had touched with his fingertips. His lips were trembling, mind unknown of what to pursue. Pondering, tender surprise caressed his thoughts, and he stared into the empty room. Why did the light in that stormy winter night suddenly only shine from one place?

Chapter Text

Another whisked blow of the night‘s menace chilled Lou’s bones, the dry, windy air slithering through the opening at his collar. His hand automatically pressed over his larynx, fingertips pinched the fabric over his throat, and he turned toward the others’ buzzing voices. They had gone into one another store before leaving, and had proved Deengar’s comment about how they’d already have closed at this hour wrong. His stubborn insisting had been the first interaction Lou had heard after he had woken up, his intended to-do list lying in the palm of his hand, his head resting on a tiny pillow on the even tinier sofa.

He hadn’t noticed how he had stopped writing. He even recalled to have heard some scribbling and the tip of the pen as it tapped against the table. Yet even though the day had turned into this malicious night, even though he had instantly felt the stiffness in his neck when waking up, he didn’t blame his carelessness. He had been nudged awake, a hand on his upper arm, and taken away from his productive dream by Radeel’s whispering words. And the colour red had never looked that beautiful.

After Radeel returned from the shop’s inside, a couple of bags and bottled water now in their stock, Lou rose to his feet. He silently swayed after them and readjusted his coat every now and then. Grogginess hadn’t left his senses yet while he was wondering whether Taeslir or Yppha had handed him their coat. Just then, he blinked at his falling eyelids and hastened to catch up with the others. When he arrived, and when they slipped through a wooden fence, his lungs ached a little, scratched by the night’s gruesomeness, but he quickly recovered and pressed through an opening.

He hadn’t questioned what their plan had been. Neither so had anyone else questioned Radeel’s command to follow him to the village’s outer line. His glance rushed up as an image flashed before his eyes – Radeel’s figure confidently standing in the middle of the room while he was navigating each of their moves – but to his front he solely caught Radeel’s back just before he disappeared behind a corner. A smile struck his face, and though lips had unpleasantly dried against the arid air, he felt content. And he knew he wasn’t to possess that feeling without a price.

As if he had smelled the inevitable with the previous lung for air, his body pulled into a jerk upon a devastating noise from around the corner. His mind screamed to run, but his feet carried him around forward in a sprint. Just when his glance reached around the barrier, he rooted to the ground and his hands fled into usual places.

Radeel was silently combing his fingers through the mane of a horse and exchanged broken sentences with a woman leaning against a wooden hut. As it neighed in response to one of his touches, Lou jumped for the fence that separated them from the wide, open plain. He pressed his crossed arms into himself and looked at the forest stretching across the landscape in the distance.

‘Lou?’ Yppha’s voice made him jump. He still pulled a smile to his lips, responding with a hum. Yppha’s head tipped to the side as a furrowed smile was creeping onto his face, and Lou hastened a response, ‘It’s a little cold, no?’

Yppha lowered his eyelids as he turned, coming to face the plain with a pair of tired yellow. The smile around his lips started swirling less worryingly, and Lou exhaled when Yppha agreed with him, ‘Seems the weather isn’t on our side with this.’ Lou followed his glance to some blackening clouds in the distance. ‘But we should arrive before those omens over there crash down.’ His glance returned. ‘Have you ever done such travelling before?’

Yppha’s head tipped toward where the horses were standing. Lou forced himself to swallow and shook his head.

‘It’s become quite common over the past few decades to establish a transport system between trading cities,’ Yppha explained and pushed away from his lean on the fence. His face pulled into a pained twist as he straightened, but he continued, ‘They’re often called sister cities. The horses are trained to only follow one path that leads to the connected alliance. I thought you must’ve heard about it somewhere.’ He gifted Lou his glance one last time before he stepped past him. His vanishing figure drew his gaze along and Lou found his eyes drawn back to the animals, three of them being readied. He felt how his expression twisted, but he couldn’t get himself under control another time.

When someone grabbed him by his upper arms from behind his back, he yelped. As he bent his neck to look behind himself, Deengar’s gaze flickered at him. He pushed on his shoulders, forcing Lou into a step.

‘Only I know,’ he said after Lou followed his lead. They stopped a few metres away from the horses, heads now shielded from the sky by a wooden roof.

‘Know what?,’ Liu asked, and Lou’s eyes chased at them. He had claimed Deengar’s voice vastly too loud; even the human woman must’ve heard his remark.

‘About his excitement because he’s never ridden a horse before,’ Deengar lied through a smile and raised his hand in an attempt to pat Lou’s back. When he caught Lou’s pained look from beside him, he stopped himself mid-air. His fingers curled toward his palm and his smile sank, but he still faced Liu unfazed as he felt their burning eyes on him.

After Lou had faced them too, he added his approval, ‘I guess I’m just a bit overwhelmed. So, it’s fine if I ride with Deengar.’ He forced himself to smile, but his lips only jumped into a brief twitch. Upon realising the defeat against his muscles, he looked back at Deengar, verifying if he had read his aiding lie correctly. He met an unusual smile.

‘Shouldn’t you ride with someone else then?’ Radeel’s question drew both their heads toward him. ‘I mean, it’d be easier with someone who’s uninjured just in case you–‘

‘Are you saying I won’t manage?’

‘No, Deengar, that’s not what I…’ –he closed his eyes and inhaled sharply– ‘No, you know, if Lou requests it, it’s fine.’

Deengar grabbed Lou by the elbow, ready to pull him away with a victorious smile on his face, but a clasp around his lower arm held him back.

‘Why with Deengar, Lou?’ Unconvinced blue blinked up at him, and he gulped. Adding dryness to a dried throat, his eyes flickered to Liu’s hand before he choked out how he and Deengar had talked about this subject before; he had made a decision based on that memory. As Liu’s grip tightened, he silently pled his partial truth would ease their chilly glance. He didn’t dare pray this time.

They let go of him and he exhaled a lump of panic, quickly following Deengar’s lead to the horse farthest away. He was fumbling with his fingers while Deengar went to pick up a two-seated saddle. After he had placed it on the horse’s back, he bent down to fix the lashes under its belly.

‘Not…’ Lou whispered, his face lowered to his hands. He didn’t catch Deengar’s glance on him. ‘Not one of them?’

He raised his head when he felt himself frown, a tension to close to dangerously glassy eyes. Deengar looked at him from behind the horse, the greyness of his eyes so atypical that Lou had to swallow a quiver.

‘Not one of them,’ he confirmed, and walked around the horse to Lou’s side. He quickly fixed the remaining straps and clasps. ‘I don’t need to ride with any of the others. Not one of them. It’s fine with you if you want to.’ He glanced back at him, his gaze softened, the unusual colour in his eyes almost tender . It was scary, frightening, even if Lou knew how much he had changed. ‘I thought you’d like it.’

Lou nodded quietly as he felt a twitch blooming at his lips. His gaze chased to the horse’s belly when Deengar’s eyes left his, a brief flicker carrying them to Taeslir behind his back who had been eyeing them. Before he could’ve met his gaze, Deengar turned back to him and helped him mount the horse. Once seated, fingers cramped around thin air, lingering atop his stomach. Frozen like this, he could feel his lungs blowing inside of him, their evaporation freezing in front of his lips. Just as Deengar shifted into the seat behind him, Lou noticed how the numbness in his fingers faded. A tremble grasped them, and he hastened to stem them against the saddle, nails scratching against flaking leather.

When Deengar pulled on the reigns and led them outside the stall, he felt his breath hitch. The coldness scratched his throat like a razor blade, and he coughed before he pressed his fist against his larynx. Deengar’s hand slid over his waist, and he jolted. As his arm slung around him, he curled in on himself, raising his shoulders to his jaw. His stomach knotted. It almost churned when the horse stepped into a faster gear, skill visible in Deengar’s one-handed guide. He hushed it and led his hand to Lou’s chest, fingers tracing over his sternum. He tapped all too lightly at the bone, and Lou yielded. Straightened, he let his gaze sway forward, glancing on their path at a much higher level than he’d have appreciated.

Like this, they easily set into the fastest pace, the horses galloping as if they hadn’t been allowed to perform their trained journey for ages. The plain soon turned into small hills, and as they began to mount the first one, a forest surrounded them, the tree’s width speaking of novelty. Artificially placed to impose the landscape with civilisation, the tree’s spirit was human; a friendly welcome rushing past them. The leaves rustled with it, the dull galloping on a dried path drummed for its tune. Lou tried to focus on those noises. They calmed him as he was clasping his hands around the saddle and Deengar’s arm.

The trees and noises thinned as they reached the top and while they travelled across a relatively plain area, the forest roads began to twist. Their arrangement shielded them, but once the trees vanished, wind wiped at their faces, and Lou winced lightly when he saw Radeel slowing down. He halted right atop the hill, just before it fell in a low slope, the road like a serpent finding its way out of the forest. He raised his hand and pointed toward the road ahead of them. At the bottom of the hill, a good three-hundred metres away from the spot of dismount, a large tree blocked the path. Much thicker than the ones they had been passing, it disturbed the picture of the completely treeless plain.

Radeel reigned his horse into another step, but immediately halted again. Yppha groaned lightly to his back and straightened himself as he pushed his arms around Radeel.

‘So, what should we do?’ Deengar asked as he turned the horse toward Taeslir and Liu. They had halted between them and Radeel’s spot. Liu was combing their fingers through the mane of their horse.

‘Well, I guess they should still follow the track, given that the road is visible and all,’ Taeslir replied after a turn of his head. His gaze flickered at Lou, who jerked away as he noticed Taeslir’s scanning glance over his trembling hands. Taeslir also averted himself and turned toward Radeel. ‘Something’s off though, right?’

Radeel denied him an answer. He was staring off into the distance, his attention drawn elsewhere. Lou silently raised his head as no one reacted to Taeslir’s question and placed his glance on Yppha. His cheek was pressed against Radeel’s back, a slump in his own as his hands dared to slip off ever so slightly toward Radeel’s thighs.

Lou jumped when Liu called for him.

‘Are you okay?’ They posed their question through a stinging freeze of blue.

‘Just cold.’ He forced himself to smile and gripped down harder at the saddle and Deengar’s arm. He supressed a sigh as he realised two words alone wouldn’t satisfy them, so he added, ‘We’re not really lucky with the weather, right?’ As they chuckled quietly in agreement and turned away, Lou’s lips dropped, and he felt his fingers untighten.

‘Say,’ Radeel interrupted and turned his head. ‘Do you also see that hut over there?’ He raised his hand again, but pointed far off into the distance this time. ‘Right opposite of that tavern. It looks weirdly familiar…’

Liu led their horses closer to Radeel’s, and Taeslir slung an arm around them, a quiet yelp on his lips. When they halted, they placed their hand flat against their forehead in a childish manner and replied, ‘I can’t see any houses. What are you talking about?’ They lowered their hand and looked at Radeel. Taeslir peeked over their shoulder, eyes drawn far away.

‘There’s no stupid house,’ Deengar answered and led his horse forward, him and Lou now farthest away from the group. ‘It looks like some old, mossy ruin from here. Perhaps, some tiny battlefield.’ He looked back at Radeel. ‘I swear I can see some weapons.’

‘No, it looks like…’ Yppha lost is breath in an attempt of straightening his back. As he clung to Radeel’s shoulders his gaze stiffened. His mouth hung open a little as he wordlessly stared ahead. A spark twizzled across his eyes. ‘Like my...’ His eyes turned glassy.

‘I can see a hut,’ Lou answered and forced himself to turn around, his fingers tightening. ‘There even seems to be some light coming from within.’

‘There’s no hut, what the – ,‘ Liu snapped at him and sent the horse to the side with a couple of tumbling trots, ‘and there’s no ruin either.’

‘Radeel?’ Taeslir asked and pulled on Liu’s stomach, preventing them from jerking in their seat another time. Radeel glanced back at the soft call for him, his eyes covered by persistent blinking.

‘We should continue,’ he said, turning the horse so that he wasn’t facing the direction anymore. ‘We’ll continue onward. Like you said, the trunk isn’t covering the entire path. The horses will manage.’ He led his horse toward Deengar, but his gaze snapped at Lou. ‘You’ll keep your eyes closed,’ he ordered, the sternness in his voice twinkling in his eyes. Lou approved his request. He threw his glance over his shoulder when they others did the same.

‘And the horses?’ Deengar questioned, gaining Radeel’s glance on him.

‘They’ll find their way.’

He led the way, but halted another time. Red stung at them.

‘Don’t open them once.’

They obliged. The horses obliged. Though Deengar had to steer theirs around a little before it reluctantly stepped past the fallen tree. Lou had thought he’d fall off just before Radeel had successfully grasped his arm and lured the horse around the barricade. They remained next to each other, slowness surrounding the horses’ feet. After a few slings of the road the rustling of leaves reached their ears and Radeel allowed them to open their eyes again. They gave their horses a quick break by remaining in this slowed gait, and Lou watched the path pass by them as he clutched his hand over his stomach.

‘What was that, Radeel?’ Liu piped up and carelessly leaned forward, disregarding the reins, and sending the horse to the side. With a gasp on their lips, a sigh on Taeslir’s, they straightened their direction.

‘Don’t get your heads worked up over it.’

‘No, you’ll tell us!’ Liu jumped forward. Taeslir grabbed them by the elbows and stirred them away from Radeel, their horse neighing in confusion. As Liu continued to push for an answer, Taeslir tapped at their jawline. Their gaze jerked back to the road ahead, but their lips still filled with a sigh.

‘It seemed like one of those landscape-shaping creature-induced illusions,’ Taeslir quickly added as Liu tried to shake out of his hold. He looked at Radeel after they had calmed down. ‘I’ve read about it. I believe it compares to an artificial mirage.’

Radeel audibly inhaled, but gave in as he approved that a creature had induced an illusion. His head turned with his glance searching for Taeslir before he added, ‘but you’re thinking too much in human terms. It’s supernatural trickery, no fata morgana.’

‘But it does work with temperature differences?’

‘Yes, but it doesn’t reflect anything that’s in the real world.’ Radeel gulped and looked away. Before he returned, he pulled on the reins, the horse trotting forward a little. ‘It reflects some desire. Individual desires of whomever looks at it.’ He turned around, gaze flickering at Taeslir. ‘Doesn’t matter what it’s working with’ –now at Liu– ’you don’t want to run into it. It’s a wicked, occult trick. You can’t define what it is and what it’s not. Or what really exists and what doesn’t.’

He added how they’d need to fasten their pace. His idea of arriving at night, the moonlight inviting them from above, swallowed by the horse setting into its gait. The horses were galloping faster, anticipation hitting the forest floor, some leaves breaking underneath their feet. They didn’t notice how they neared their destination as the trees scarcely thinned. Only once the horse’s shoes clanked upon a change of ground, they espied a flickering front of lights through the trees. With this change, cobblestones led toward a huge wall, and the horses slowed down.

They still noisily trotted over the plastered path, the sound clinking through the windless area as Radeel took the lead toward a massive, wooden door. Torches lit the thick stone wall on either side, one a good three carriage widths apart from the other.

Radeel halted, the horse only reluctantly agreeing as feet scraped over the floor, wanting to reach their destination as desperately as everyone else. As Lou watched him dismount, Deengar silently slid off, an aiding hand quickly interrupting Lou's stare. He hid a jerk of his muscles, fingers cramping around Deengar's before he turned to the side. He sucked in his breath as Deengar loosened their grip, his hands slipping under his arms. When his feet touched the ground, he fled the scene. He halted at the level Radeel was standing at. He was aimlessly stroking his fingers through the horse’s mane, his eyes running over the stone wall to their front.

Lou decided to give the piece of defence his own inspection, his glance falling over his shoulder. Barrels and wooden boxes were lining the walls, some secured to each other by some rope as they stretched to where Lou lost sight of them. A few stood stacked atop one another, but neither this arrangement nor the rope could've posed a threat to the defence of the stone barricade. Lou's head fell into his neck as he tried to follow the shadow of a figure he had spotted on top of the wall, but he quickly gave up as he couldn't have spotted anything from down here. Instead, he turned at Yppha's call for Taeslir.

'Didn't you say we were heading South?' He stepped away from the horse, caution in his walk across the stones. Lou knew what he implied; they shouldn't have run across such a massive defence line if they were travelling away from the East.

'We did', Taeslir replied drily and stepped out from behind the third horse. As he threw his glance across the stock of barrels and boxes, his eyes widened, his voice filling with emotion. 'Seems their wealth is expanding.'

'Yeah, okay,' Yppha winced, 'but why didn't we know?' The rise of his head carried yellow across each of their faces, but no one answered his glance. 'We should've been informed about something like this. If not even ordered to take it out.'

Liu rushed to his side as his eyes squinted shut, cold fingers ready to wrap around his elbow. Instinctively, they answered, 'Maybe Lax didn't know about it', and jerked when Yppha pushed away their worried touch on his temple. Radeel's expression twisted at their casual mention of Lax' newly known position.

'No, I don't think so', Lou answered. As Radeel looked at him, his pain changed to pondering. 'He said something about the East developing. To me, it didn't seem like he was uninformed.'

'Radeel?' It was Taeslir's voice. 'Doesn't matter, no?'

Radeel chuckled, but his answer was a meek breath, 'No, we need to get inside.' He stepped around to face them all. 'And think later.'

As swiftly as he had decided to drop the topic, all six of them entered the city walls. And right as the door closed behind them, its thickness sure to have kept them outside hadn't they been invited inside by an armed guard, Lou realised why said guard had welcomed them into their 'city'. With lungs briefly forgetting how to fill themselves, and eyelids far asunder in fear of missing something, he was staring down the street. He had never called any of his home paths by the sophisticated term of a street, but as the light of oil-lit lamps shone on skilfully placed, rectangular cobblestone, he didn't dare call it anything else. Even Radeel, after he had handed the last of their horses to a young stable boy, dropped the suspicious look running over his face and awed at the buildings to their front. His muscles had held onto some tension when they had easily, without any trial, passed the walls. As he run his eyes over the metallic facade of some buildings, a spark of red struck his irises before they climbed over a tall scaffold.

Before Lou could've commented on the city's condition, or Radeel's thoughts on why nobody'd checked on them, Radeel pulled each of them into a different street diagonally leading away from the entrance. He didn't need to waste his breath with an explanation or command as he disappeared from their side. Only when he returned, a chilliness to his stride, he called out to Taeslir, a number on his lips, their wallet in Taeslir's hands.

Lou turned to Yppha when Radeel left again. He was pressing the back of his hand against his forehead as if  he was fighting a fever. A keychain clattered along Radeel’s returning steps, and Lou stepped closer, hearing how Radeel asked who'd be back the fastest. As he flicked his hand swiftly, the two keys clanking against each other, he made clear how that someone wouldn't be him.

'I could!' Liu jumped a little at their suggestion, the creak in the panels catching Lou's attention. He frowned. Radeel tried to suppress it, but his muscles visibly twitched in a similar way. 'Oh, come on, I'll quickly get something to drink and then I'll buy some stuff for my mag-' They looked around, their sudden slumped pose more suspicious than their slip of tongue. 'My medicine. They sold what I need right over at the entrance.'

Lou's frown only deepened, but Radeel agreed with a heavy exhale. The keys changed hands, and Radeel's glance wandered. Purely out of habit, Lou stepped forward when their eyes struck, but neither got to utter their intended words.

'I'd like to go with Lou if that's fine', Yppha said, a hand stemming against the bench. He approached them with a smile on his lips. 'You just go and do whatever you want. Quickly.'

Radeel's glance rested on Lou again, waiting. He nodded briefly; his expression dry. He only noticed he could've put a smile to his response after Radeel had turned away. A touch on his elbow snapped him out of his stare after him, Deengar and Taeslir long gone into the opposite direction. With a turn of his head, Yppha smiled up at him, his fingers curling into his angled arm.

They walked out onto the street, the wind mostly shielded even though the opening was wide and stretched far out to their fronts. Yppha's hand left after some time, his head directed to the floor to watch his step. When he straightened, he caught sight of a board, the name of a tavern enlightened by a lamp, and he pulled on Lou's sleeve, his step already following his lead toward his discovery.

'Could we get you something to eat first?'

Lou halted, his fingers clasping around Yppha's hand on his coat. 'No, we need to get you–'

'Can we talk about something other than my head? Just for a bit.' He removed his hand. 'Please.' He smiled. 'I'll be fine. I promise.'

Yppha's eyes rose to Lou's frown, and his lips instantly pulled down as he caught a breath in his throat. He dropped his head at the lump, his fingers curling into his sides. Lou huffed briefly.

'Fine', Lou tried to supress his sigh, but the frozen cloud of air coming from his lips betrayed him. Yppha's head shot back up. 'But you'll tell me if–' Lou stopped as Yppha nodded, his lips rising with a relieved exhale.

They entered the building the board had pointed toward, either of them once more at awe once inside. Yppha let himself be sent off to some free seats, a table inside a small niche, benches on either side, and lost sight of Lou on his way through the crowd. He slipped into the seat and raised his head to look through the masses of people. Their voices rose to his head, more than they did to Lou's when he wiggled his way back to him, but the buzzing sound somehow calmed him. He closed his eyes briefly.

A clank of pottery snapped him out of the myriad of noises, and eyes darted toward the plate in Lou's hands. He had lifted it off a small wooden tray, which soon found itself empty to their side after he had placed two glasses of water on the table. Yppha eyed the one on his side of the table, an eyebrow rising at a small water droplet running down its side.

'I thought for cover–', Lou started, but visibly bit his tongue. He lowered his glance, grabbed a fork from the holder to his right, and continued only with a murmur, 'and it's free.'

'Free?'

Lou looked up. A smile crossed his lips before they parted for a bite of his meal. It looked like something sweet, but Yppha couldn't put a name to it.

'Wealthy town, huh?' Lou smiled again. The gesture dropped as Yppha nodded silently. He returned to the flowing droplet. It had fallen to the bottom. A different one chased after it. He touched it, a chilling temperature left on his finger, a smudged trace on the glass. His lips twitched briefly, and his eyes twinkled, before he grabbed the glass, brought it to his lips, and gulped at the cool water.

'Wait! You don't actually–' Lou stemmed the fork against the plate, and his fingers clenched around it. 'Wait, can you actually drink that?'

' 'course I can.' Yppha's voice gurgled through the water in his mouth, and he choked briefly. Once he regained his breath, he noticed the twisted expression on Lou's face and chuckled. 'We all can. It just doesn't have any use, so we never really bother.'

'Food too?'

'Yeah.' Yppha smiled. 'I've never seen Deengar touch anything though. And I don't know if Radeel and Lax could–' His smile dropped. It weakened as he placed his finger on the glass and traced the thin line the droplet had left. 'Don't know if they can.'

Lou also lowered his glance when Yppha's didn't return, dwelling in their silence a little. As he noticed, the pastry on his plate halfway gone, how Yppha's glance travelled far across the room, some distant glimmer of yellow in his eyes, he decided to raise his voice again. Yppha looked back at him.

'I guess the others are going after some humans right now', Yppha answered, but blinked hastily, pulling the glass in between his palms. 'I mean...probably not 'going after', they're trying to seduce them. Or have already.' He looked at the glass.' Makes it easier...and harmless.'

Lou smiled forcibly when their glances struck, but quickly picked at his food again.

'I'd usually go about it the same way', Yppha continued and leaned back in his seat, 'but there'll be no chance it'll happen like that today.'

Lou choked. Briefly. At least he thought so. He coughed repeatedly.

'Usually... the same?' He hastened for the glass of water. Yppha chuckled as he downed half of it in one go. He leaned forward while Lou shakingly placed it at the side of his plate again.

'Now, don't think I'm preaching abstinence just because I told you I'm a little religious', he replied, a smile crawling over his face that widened when he saw Lou’s perplexed stare.

'I didn't mean it like–' Lou stopped himself. Yppha's smile peculiarly warmed the iciness of his eyes, a weird light greenish-brown blinking at him. He hadn't seen his features as something this soft in the past. A sharpness was constantly surrounding his clenched jaw, a thought, born from conflict and the want to fix it, was always running over his forehead. Like this, his glance sparkled with a lure, the tension over his forehead so eased against his muscles, the thoughts behind them so soft. He watched as Yppha leaned forward and placed his chin on his palm. 'I've got some experience, Lou. I've been here for quite some time after all.' His glance was different, the feeling he (playfully or seriously, Lou didn't know. He didn't know which one he wanted it to be) offered to him was different than when the others had looked at him like this. Purity mixed with his glance. Sincerity, when it disappeared behind fallen eyelids and a chuckle.

Lou found his voice back inside his throat, 'I just didn't take you for someone this...' He held his breath as Yppha's eyes returned. Their twinkle had faded. 'Whenever we talked at night you just seemed more silent about this topic.'

'I'm just careful', Yppha breathed, his voice suddenly rasp. 'Trying to correctly evaluate what's considerate and appropriate...considering what you've been–' His glance dimmed completely, and his lips fell with his head. 'I shouldn't have done that just now, I'm sorry.'

'You said you've been here for some time’ –Lou raised his hand, gesturing some quotation marks– 'Liu also said something about eighty – no, ninety years? I didn't think you were that old.'

Yppha snorted, his head rising. His lips still twisted into a last mien of regret, Lou's nonchalant change of topic leaving a sour taste in his mouth.

'Liu miscalculated some... decades I believe', he answered, leaning back, and stemmed his arm against his elbow. He gently rubbed his fingers over his temple. 'I'm eighty-three, probably the only one who kept track of that on top, and the youngest of them. I joined them last, and I know that Liu and Taeslir had been part of the troupe for a couple of decades before that happened. I wasn't even supposed to enter I believe.'

Lou frowned, his teeth clenching around a piece of his meal. Yppha's glance flickered at him, his lips swiftly carrying an explanation, 'At least that's what Taeslir told me once. Lax had found their number fitting and had told Radeel into ending their search. It makes a lot more sense now...'

'Was that why he acted that sour back at the estate?' Yppha raised his eyebrows at Lou. 'Back at the Eastern estate', Lou clarified, 'he seemed the harshest to you. Was it because he didn't want you in the group in the first place?'

'No', Yppha chuckled briefly, 'that was because of other things, but he always acted different toward me. Maybe because I was still human when we first met.'

Lou tightened the grip on his fork, the little confidence he had in asking Yppha personal questions leaving with the tone of that last statement. It saddened Lou, it ached in Yppha's chest. And it travelled as far as Yppha's head since, right as Lou thought to have grasped the will to pose another question, Yppha gasped, and his hand jolted toward his ear.

'Yppha! Is everything–'

'Just a squealing wheel outside the restaurant', he hastened his words and swung his hand into the air. 'Look, they got a fresh delivery or something.'

Lou followed the direction of his gesture and spotted a few people carrying boxes through the front door. They disappeared behind a door next to the counter.

'How did you–'

'You know' –Yppha lowered his hand, his lips twitching into a weak smile– 'I don't know much about the others exact ages, but as I said: it was a couple of decades, so Liu must be older than they said.' He picked up the glass and pressed it against his head. 'I know though that Radeel is about a hundred-and-twenty, and Deengar's constantly joking about how he's into old, worn men because Taeslir is the oldest with thirty-two as of his physical age.'

'Thirty-two isn't old though', Lou said, accepting Yppha's preferred change of topic. He gained a chuckle.

'Deengar knows, but it drives Taeslir nuts. Especially when Liu joins in too.'

'How old is Deengar then?'

'Twenty-seven I think... at least that's what he said once. He could be lying though.' He pressed his lips into another smile. Lou remained silent, but his knuckles whitened against his grip on the fork, carefully balanced on an empty plate.

'I know it's silly', Yppha laughed and placed the glass back on the table. 'But they've been at it for years now and it grew on all of us.'

Lou smiled and placed the fork on the plate.

'Lou?'

He raised his head.

'We should get some blood now.'

He nodded slowly, but entirely hastened out of their seats, and pulled Yppha out the back door. They sprinted though the back alley before Yppha forced them to stop at the corner, pressing his body against the wall of a house.

'I think I might just have a plan', Lou said as Yppha pulled on his sleeve, keeping him from peeking around and raising suspicion. Yppha tried to raise his eyebrow in a way of getting Lou to continue, but his muscles refused to follow his lead if it meant pressing against his wound.

'If we can't convince anyone to give you money by your words or charm or whatever', Lou continued on his own and turned around. He grabbed Yppha's hands in between his, 'then we'll just pay for it.'

'The others will steal some money anyway...'

'Yes. That means we can use it', Lou concluded, but his words sounded more like a question. Yppha nodded jerkily, a shake forcing him to wrap his arms around himself. He started, 'And where–', but Lou already pulled him away from the house and across the street. Hastened movements opened a door for them, they descended a small staircase, and smoke surrounded them as they opened the door at its bottom. Yppha's sight fell victim to a haze, but Lou manoeuvred him through winding, narrow hallways before he placed him on a bed in an unoccupied room.

'Wait here for a second, okay?'

'Sure', Yppha wanted to stumble, but only a breath crossed his lips.

Lou left the room, sprinting for the front counter they had earlier hastened past. He wasted no words in ordering what he wanted, the request flowing almost too casually for its content. Because of Yppha's need, he told himself, he could do this. They weren't going to do what his words and the disappearance of the store owner behind a curtain suggested. They'd get the blood. That's it.

He only realised his thoughts had been racing when the woman returned with another woman by her side, neither even remotely dressed appropriate enough for the weather outside. Lou forced a smile to his lips and led the way. Heels clanked behind him, and a glance over his shoulder revealed a shiver running over the woman's upper body. He wanted to tell her something before opening the door, but once his hand connected with the handle, he yanked it open. The woman stepped past him, and he swiftly slipped in, but inside she halted and crossed her arms.

'Two's gonna cost extra.'

Lou blinked at her and halted, raising his hands to his chest. 'Yeah, yeah, could you just listen to me for a second?'

'And your friend looks awful. I don't wanna be responsible for any deaths so–'

'We don't want you to do anything, we just–'

'Then give me the money and leave.'

Lou sighed and closed his eyes. They shot back up as he realised what she had said, a soft thought of relief washing over him when she was still standing to his front.

'Okay, just' – Lou raised his hands again, the gesture more for himself and his own innocence– 'let me explain real quick.'

He summed it up. Or, tried to sum it up as best as possible. The woman looked at him once he was done, a look in her eyes that said she’d hit him. Even without money.

'Look, that's a nice story, but you're wasting my time.' She stepped toward the door, but Lou instinctively chased after her, his back pressing against the door. ‘I've got other customers. Some people who I can actually help with their kinks – Is that even a kink?' She looked back at Yppha. As Lou pressed farther between her and the door, she took a step into the room, raised her finger, and pointed it at Yppha. He had faced them during Lou' s explanation, attentively waiting for her reaction. Now, he seemed tired. 'And you should go and see a doctor. Before you infect yourself with someone's blood. How would you have even wanted to drink it? Because I sure as hell won't let you cut–'

As if her question was Yppha's trigger, he opened his mouth, his fangs peeking out of parted lips. The sparkle in his irises, colouring his eyes in their usual bright tone, sent the woman backward, her hip hitting the counter of a cupboard. Instantly, her chest started heaving, her fingers clawing at the wood beneath them. She was chewing on her lip, her eyes watering as if she wanted to press something out but couldn't. Lou walked toward her.

'Don't you fucking touch me!', she yelled although his hands were nowhere near her. He had halted at her side, his fingers intertwined at his stomach. He smiled. A pitiful look that made her gaze darken. 'You're human?'

Lou nodded.

'Then give him your blood. I don't care, but I'll leave.'

'Wait, please! He's not–'

'Lou.' His head turned at Yppha's call of his name. He stumbled out of the bed, his fingers tracing over the mattress as he neared them. He walked over to Lou's side, staying behind him to diminish the shake around the woman's muscles.

'If she doesn't want to it's okay, I wouldn't either.' He smiled and grabbed Lou's arm. 'It was a solid plan, but you could've said some things nicer in your... explanation.' He leaned against him, but immediately jerked away as his nose bummed against his shoulder. A place too close to his neck.

Lou looked back at him and raised his hand toward his arm. Yppha compulsively blinked at it, his lips twitching under the restraint he had placed on them. Lou blamed himself as Yppha almost slipped out of his grasp.

'If I said', the woman suddenly started again, her fingers still trembling around the edges, 'I'd do it for double the money, how could you assure that he won't kill me.'

Lou's eyes lit up as he turned toward her, his excitement causing her to turn up her nose. Lips opened as he tried to search for an answer, but, instead, Yppha stepped past him and toward the cupboard, a limp in his walk before he caught himself. He picked up some scissors from a box at the corner, and held it toward the woman, the sharp tip pointing toward him.

'You'll stab me. Right here' –he pointed to his throat– 'if I don't stop when you tell me to.'

'Oh no, I know the stories about how fast you are.' Her voice was trembling, but she wasn't tiptoeing on the spot anymore.

'Believe me, I'm not.' The sound coming from his lips sounded like a cough. 'I'm absolutely not.' He almost fell over again with the repetition, and Lou hastened to place him on the floor, fixing him to sit with his back against the wall.

Surprisingly, to Lou's back, after an audible gulp, she agreed. She placed the scissors exactly where Yppha had shown her after she had knelt down, and pressed her knee on Yppha's thigh. Lou would've yelped, he frowned at the mere sight of the strength and skill in her trap, but Yppha remained silent, and she seemed calmer.

The entire proceeding was calm, though a little long. Yppha savoured that small piece of her arm with a considerate, painless gentleness. He stopped when she told him to, the tip of the scissors only leaving a tiny scratch on his skin. She leapt to her feet, her steps tumbling a little as she walked backward, distancing herself. Lou kneeled down, smiling at the returning colour in Yppha's face. He turned around at the call of his name, her tone more that of a question.

'If I get my roommate and we do this again, can we get another sum of that money?' She stepped closer, a begging shimmer in her eyes. 'The normal one of course.'

And so, they did, and Yppha found himself stronger, but in a state of dizziness. Bloodlust crept around his senses, he said as he asked Lou to bring them into a quiet back alley. They sat down on some boxes, a small roof on top of them shielding them from the rain that had started to fall. He wanted to calm down, he added when Lou pushed against his side, keeping him from scanning for any more people – or victims, judging by the look in his eyes.

'Were two too many?' Lou tried to joke, but Yppha looked dead serious when he said that they were. With a deep inhale, he leaned his head against the house wall, and threw his hands into his lap. They  brushed the box beneath him as he had parted his legs. They were lazily hanging toward the floor. Lou gave him some space as he saw his eyes flickering underneath closed eyelids.

He was watching how the rain flowed from the rooftop, falling droplets joining the puddle on the floor. Collected at a small pothole, the surface danced lightly with the wind blowing through the street. As Yppha sighed, Lou turned his head.

'Better?'

Irises peeked through halfway raised eyelids. 'Yeah, but we'll need to sit out the rain anyway.'

Lou hummed and looked back to the puddle. 'Yppha? Can I ask you something?'

'Whatever you want.' A groan still infested his words, but Lou ignored it and look down on his hands.

'Back at the Eastern estate, Lax said how he was happy with the way you had acted toward me.'

Yppha shifted and straightened his back against the metal panel.

'You don't have to answer!' Lou's voice rose in volume as did his hands while he twirled around. He met Yppha’s eyes. He continued more quietly, 'of course not, you know that. I just... I didn’t understand his words because…unlike the others, you didn't do anything.'

'But that's the point, isn't it?'

Lou blinked at him. He was slumped over, his fingers fumbling with each other in his lap. Yppha sniffed when Lou didn't lower his glance, and his eyes flickered away briefly. He returned his glance as he visibly couldn't force himself to remain averted.

'I didn't do anything', he repeated the words, his eyes jerking between Lou's. 'I never did anything. Not when I was human and not after Radeel had turned me.' His head jerked away. 'And Laxseau knew how he could use both those failures against me.'

'Yppha–' Lou called out, his voice a nervous twirl in the wind. He wanted to tell him how he wouldn't need to tell him although he knew that Yppha knew that. Hence, the painful smile on Yppha's lips didn't come with a surprise. Begging Lou to lend him his ear, eyes blinked through their glassiness. It was a look Lou had often used when Yppha had thought to have crossed the line. It had always been enough to assure him how Lou was fine with continuing, how he desperately wanted to talk about it because otherwise it would haunt him until the endless hours of the day. So, he remained silent and nodded.

'I was raised in a strictly disciplined household. When I was fifteen they sent me off, to earn some money. So, I joined the orphanage of our village.'

'So, you weren't the child that Radeel spared?'

Yppha's mien twisted, and he dug his teeth into his bottom lip.

'No', he whispered, the colour of his voice swept away by the rain. 'I wasn't.'

'Sorry, I thought so. It made sense like–'

'I know.' He smiled at him, but quickly closed his eyes again and fell back against the wall. 'It was a child from the orphanage, but that's not what I wanted to tell you. I–' He choked on his words.

Lou placed his hand on his wrist. 'You don't have to.' Yppha looked back at him. 'A different time?'

Yppha swiftly matched the smile on Lou's face and repeated his words, strength returning to his voice.

'I didn’t agree with many of the orphanage’s rules and punishments and all of that. Lax knew how I never did anything. I had told him. But I had told myself that they had had their rules and that they had been kept busy with multiple tasks; so how could they have possibly been unhappy? I had never been unhappy with my life.

'Then, after Radeel had turned me, I hated the vampire laws. Their conventions. No questions. No individuality. But I had ever only talked about it with Radeel, in the dead of the night when we thought that Laxseau wasn't listening. But he did. And that incident had incited the biggest fight all of us had ever had. Radeel and I stopped chatting about it afterward.'

He turned away and pressed his knuckles against his quivering lips. His head cocked at Lou's second hand on his arm.

'And then when you were given to us, I just– You had your rules and your books, and I thought I could get you to telling yourself you'd be happy like that. Like I had told myself.

'I can't stop wondering what I could've stopped if I had only acted sooner. If I didn't say those disgusting words at the theatre about not defending you. I should've stood up, but I... just – I couldn't. I was too scared to defend myself to even think about defending you. And I only realised how I had fucked that up when I had already lost the chance.

'When you offered to sleep with me, I regretted never saying anything. Never should I have made you feel the way to say 'no one ever cared about what I wanted'.'

Lou traced his fingers over Yppha's arm, squeezing gently at his shoulder. Yppha shot his glance at him, eyes full of tears, irises full of shame.

'I said that once', his voice quivered as he spoke, his eyes unable to leave Lou's glance, 'I said that to Radeel when I tried to kill myself after joining the troupe. And I couldn't, at no cost, have you thinking that way. I was so wrong back then...I was so wrong for not doing anything.'

'Yppha?' It was a request. And Yppha's bloodshot eyes allowed it. 'You're not responsible for the way I feel or think.'

'Of course not.' He gasped for air. 'But I should've done something. I should've–'

'You should have, yes.'

Yppha's eyes widened.

'And you did.' Lou lowered his hand and clasped his fingers around his own wrist. 'If you ask me, all these 'what if I had' and 'if only I had'…they're useless. Believe me, I know.' He laughed, the noise swallowed by the rain. 'I was asking myself 'what if I had simply died? If I had simply said 'no, Radeel'. But I stopped. I stopped when I realised that my words had changed something, that Radeel had changed, if so only a little at first. Because why should I?' He smiled at Yppha. 'Why should I allow false shame to consume me?'

Yppha had stopped crying, palms wiping at his eyes as Lou only stared at him. He gulped. 'False shame?'

'Yeah. I did something to stay alive, and damned be me, I regretted it. But I wasn’t ashamed of my decision. I couldn’t have been when it was the right thing to do in that moment.’ He chuckled again. ‘Not saying, standing up for me isn’t the right thing, but protecting yourself and setting a boundary for yourself is. If the boundary is wrong, if the decision turns out to be wrong, you can only do better. And I did.' He retreated his hands completely. 'And you did.'

Yppha sniffed again. Lou continued, 'The way I see it, the size of a step, the strength of a flame, doesn't matter. No matter how small – it can even be a spark, can't it? Even a spark can set a house of cards on fire if it's placed the right way.

'No matter the size, the gesture helped me. When you told me how I had other things to offer, when you accepted to protect me from Deengar, yes, even at the theatre, when you squeezed my hand. It was enough Yppha.'

He waited until he caught Yppha's gaze, and his eyes lit up when he met them.

'You are enough to me, Yppha.'

Yppha turned away, his glance straying far away, out on the street. His hand shot to his lips, his palm pressing against them. His vision blurred as he couldn't hold his tears. He moved hand and wiped over his eyes.

He needed several breaths to calm himself, and when the tears remained visible only by the red strings in his eyes, he turned to Lou, wiping his hand into his shirt. His lips pulled into a smile. 'Can we talk about my head again instead?'

Lou laughed and buried his hands around Yppha's upper arm. He leaned forward carefully, placing his temple on a Yppha's shoulder.

'I like this', he whispered, his voice raw with no more raining falling. 'I like helping people.'

'You do', Yppha's breath trembled, but he clutched Lou to his side. 'You help so, so much.' He wiped his sleeve under his nose.

Lou distanced himself after some time, and leaned against the wall.

'That's a gift', Yppha breathed, facing away from Lou, 'actually listening to people.'

Lou smiled, and Yppha closed his eyes.

'Come on' –he stood up and held out his hand. Lou took it– 'let's go back.'

Lou nodded behind Yppha's back and followed his lead.

Chapter Text

They entered their rented apartment to the sound of scribbling and crackling swooshes. Liu’s signature noises of collecting, mixing, and documenting. Lou slipped out of his coat and placed it on one bed adjacent to the door before he turned around to check on Yppha, but as he turned, he only caught his figure rushing around the corner from where they had heard Liu’s lively potion-making. As he set into a step to follow him, he tripped over Yppha’s stripped-off shoes and frowned. While he bent down and picked at his own laces, he tried to remember when they had last taken them off for something other than sleeping at the mountain cabin. It felt weird when he set them aside and walked after Yppha.

Behind the corner, right past the door to the bathroom, Yppha was sitting on a double bed, his back resting against the head rest. His head rose when Lou entered, and he inquired whether Liu was fine with them staying. They only hummed and leaned forward, their chin resting on a knee they had pulled toward themselves. With a glint in their eyes, they poured a liquid into an ampule that was filled with ash – at least it looked like ash when Lou stepped toward them and eyed the shreds of paper on the desk. After they had placed the vial back into a holder, they looked at Lou, the ampule in between their fingers, their wrist twisting rapidly.

‘What are you making?’ Lou asked as he watched the inside of the bottle turning to a light shade of purple. Liu turned to look at the potion in their hand, frowned a little as if they hadn’t thought of a desirable result yet, and placed it on the desk.

‘It’s for you this time,’ they answered and picked up their pencil. ‘I don’t really have anything that could help you if we run into something.’ They placed their hands on the armrests and heaved themselves off the chair. When they plumped down again, they had twisted around their own axis to face Lou. ‘But don’t go and not defend yourself now. I’m not a necromancer.’ They grinned at his widened eyes.

Yppha chuckled quietly, and their head turned.

‘It would fit much better than a healer though,’ he laughed, but pressed his hand against his lips when Liu’s glare darkened. Lou hastened to Yppha’s side, pulling one leg onto the bed.

‘It would also be appreciated,’ Liu said, a squint continuing to stare at Yppha. ‘Imagine what I could do.’ Their gaze softened, a twinkle suddenly glistening over twitching lips.

‘I really don’t want to imagine that.’

Lou turned away when he felt his lips rising at Yppha putting his exact thoughts into words and didn’t notice Liu pouting at them. They had tried to throw their anger had Yppha, but had failed at his soft smile. After returning it, they headed back to their healing potions, a regular furrow rushing over their face.

On their way here, Lou and Yppha hadn’t talked much, and Lou hadn’t minded. But as they sat next to each other, Yppha’s shoulder brushing past his shoulder blade when he shifted to lean against the frame himself, an uneasiness started to creep through his muscles. He run his thoughts over Liu’s words; an odd gloominess had surrounded Yppha’s response and their chuckles. Maybe, it was the idea of death that read itself in between the lines, which nagged at him when he still had the pictures of Yppha’s tumbling figure in mind. He didn’t understand the joke in Liu’s statement. Not at a time like this. But to them it was probably a different time, Lou thought. One they felt used to.

He jumped into tensing muscles when the front door opened, sloshing steps carrying two voices inside. Lou didn’t need to stand from the bed to check who had returned from their dinner.

‘See, I told you we shouldn’t have walked through the fields.’

‘If I remember correctly, you wanted to chase after that fucking farmer boy.’

‘Excuse me!’

Maybe, more than dinner.

‘Ugh, whatever’, Deengar grunted before Lou clearly heard how he jumped a step over a stain of mud. ‘Give me those shoes. They have some bins on the balcony here, no? Your tasty farmer had one that he spilled when you – ow, good lord, Tae.‘

Yppha snorted to Lou’s side, and Liu stood from the desk to walk around the corner. They returned with Taeslir’s arm around their elbow, their fingers cramped around his hand as if he hadn’t hold onto them voluntarily. His lips twitched briefly when he spotted Lou and Yppha, but his eyes flickered at Liu as they shoved him into the chair. He looked at them, an eyebrow raised, with a question sparkling in his eyes, but Liu only picked up their sheets of paper and jumped on the bed. As they rolled onto their stomach, Taeslir pressed his jaw against his fist with a sigh.

Deengar stepped around the corner, volume purposely falling off his step, and something suddenly glistened in Taeslir’s eyes.

‘You know, I could also blame you. Weren’t you eyeing the farmer’s wife in her nightdress?’ He placed special aspiration on his ‘t’ and swung his head at Deengar with a grin.

‘Adultery? Seriously?’ Liu raised their eyebrows in disgust.

Yppha couldn’t keep his grin contained anymore as he clawed at Lou’s arm.

‘Oh, come on,’ Deengar grunted. His eyes rolled into the back of his head.

‘Maybe I should wear a dress once,’ Taeslir said, his tone dead-serious, his eyes flaming when he caught everyone’s eyes back.

‘If I wanted to fuck someone in a dress, I’d get a woman. No, Taeslir, you don’t–‘

‘Dresses aren’t just for women!’ Taeslir threw one leg over the other and stemmed his elbow against the desk. He flung his hand into the air. ‘Liu’s worn dresses.’

‘I’ve worn skirts,’ –they sat up on their knees– ‘because dresses are basic and one layered.’ Their head yanked into Lou’s direction, and they jumped for Yppha’s knee, fingers squeezing. ‘But Yppha has once, you remember?’

Their glance sparkled at him, but Yppha pulled out of their grip and rushed to cover his rosy cheeks with his hand. As his lips trembled, he pulled it over his mouth, his answer a murmur, ‘That was one time…’

‘But you looked stunning.’ Their smile grew to their ears as fangs laughed at Yppha the way Deengar’s lips did from his position on the floor.

‘I, uh–‘ Lou rubbed over his thumb in his lap. ‘I’ve also worn one in the past.’

He raised his head, a flutter in his eyelids as he caught everyone’s eyes on him, and a hesitant chuckle run over his lips. As he noticed Yppha’s changed expression, a loose, uncontainable mien of surprise thrown over his face, he straightened himself and raised his glance. He added he had been very drunk when he met Taeslir’s amused grin from across the room. Right after the words left him, Taeslir’s glance snapped at Deengar.

‘So, everyone except me has...seems like you're missing out on something.’’ The words rolled over his tongue like petals fell to a pond of clear water.

Deengar rolled his eyes again, but his gesture fell on a mute mouth as he only placed his arms over his angled knees, an air of timidness coming from his bite down on his lip.

‘Shh,’ –Liu raised their hand and placed it vertically on their cheek, their glance fallen to Taeslir– ‘he’s just too proud to admit that he wants to see you in one.’

Taeslir’s chuckle scratched against his throat as he forced his lips shut, and Deengar’s inhale turned audible for a second, but before either could’ve commented, the door opened again, and Liu jumped to their feet. Lou could hear them jumping on the spot as the floor quietly howled just before they posed Radeel the dress-question. He denied it, and the keys clattered against each other at being pushed inside the hole. After they dully thumped onto a tiny cupboard, Liu led the way back into the room.

Red flickered over each of them once before Radeel leaned against the wall opposite the bed. He crossed his arms and, as if he had known, met Taeslir’s glance that fell over his shoulder.

‘Why are we talking about dresses?’

‘Just because.’ He smiled, a shy and unsure exemplary. Only when Radeel returned the gesture, it strengthened and Taeslir turned around to face him. ‘What colour do you think would suit me?’

Radeel frowned briefly. As he blinked, the tension was gone. ‘Some dark red. Bordeaux, I don’t know.’

Deengar threw his head into his folded arms, a sound tearing from his lips that sent Taeslir into a roar of laughter.

‘At least you’re doing better,’ Radeel mumbled under his breath and pushed away from the wall. He looked as if he still wanted to say something, but Liu cut him off by the breath to push another joke about the dress into the room.

Radeel’s lips twitched briefly when they picked up Yppha’s dress-up story again, and Lou watched how his glance fell to the floor, both only listening with one ear. Just after another few rounds of chuckles and another grim look in Deengar’s eyes, the room fell silent. Lou looked around them, his head stopping at Yppha whose expression was slowly turning into something twisted.

‘Taeslir’, he whispered and raised his head. ‘You didn’t say what you saw at the illusion at the hill. I’ve tried to make sense of each of ours. But you didn’t say anything.’

Taeslir smiled weakly. A soft caress across his face.

‘That’s because I didn’t see anything.’ His voice was low, but he attracted everyone’s gazes. ‘At first, I didn’t understand what you were saying, but since everyone saw something different, I figured it must’ve been the thing I’ve read about.’

‘What do you mean you saw nothing?’ Deengar stretched his hands out in front of him, his pose less curled in. Taeslir shrugged.

‘I guess it’s fine for me,’ he mumbled to himself, but quickly raised his head, ‘everything I want is here apparently.’

‘That’s impossible, come on,’ Liu snapped at him, but their harshness vanished when Taeslir looked at them, ‘even I saw our old flat.’

‘Do you really want to go back there?’ Taeslir raised an eyebrow.

‘No,’ –they shook their head and placed their fingers in between another– ‘but sometimes I miss the memories. The air inside that room.’

Taeslir huffed softly, but turned away. Radeel flicked his hand into the air.

‘It’s really not that complex,’ he said and pushed his hand into the pocket on his pants. ‘Like I said, don’t get your heads worked up over it.’

‘But maybe, we could get some insights,’ Liu replied, their eyes suddenly widening, their mouth falling open. Their eyes glistened. ‘Maybe we could obtain some psychic reading of our pasts and future!’

‘It’s really not that–‘

‘Not that shit again,’ Deengar grunted and raised their arm, the end of his finger pointing at Liu. ‘If you start with this shit again, Liu, I swear I’ll make you shut up. I’m not listening to this again. One time trying to ‘read my fortune’ was enough.’

Liu protested and retold the entire idea and result of what Deengar had mentioned before Yppha commented on something within their story. Lou followed their voices with his head for a while, but quickly caught the motionlessness in Radeel’s figure across the room. A cold look adorned his pale features as he was eyeing the floor, his fingers drumming against the golden disc at his hip. Lou inhaled slowly, and Radeel raised his glance. A smile twirled around his lips, a sad one, before he excused himself and disappeared behind the corner. He’d kept watch outside on the balcony.

Lou stared at the place from which he had disappeared for a long time. Only a careful nudge to his side, Yppha’s elbow against his upper arm, a whisper of his name on his lips, teared him away – brought his thoughts onto a different train.

‘I’ll go and check on him,’ he whispered to Yppha and rose from the bed. As he walked across the room, their voices sounded long distant as they too casually filled the room with another story and a different joked idea.

He grabbed his coat before putting on his shoes and opened the door to the balcony. The air stung with humidity now, and though the smell around the streets was fresh and partially warm from the bakery on the other side of the road, Lou buttoned up his coat to his throat. Swiftly, he looked to the left and found an empty chair standing in front of a couple of barrels. He stepped closer with a hand clasped over his throat and spotted a dirty mark on one of the barrels. He threw his head into his neck, his feet carrying him toward the reeling. His lower back connected with the iron bars, tiny water droplets still glistening on them.

There, where his glance was rising to, he spotted him. Without much reason to his steps, he followed the muddy footprints and climbed onto the roof. A tumble carried him to Radeel’s side who snapped out of his cowered stance when he saw his figure next to him and immediately wrapped his hands around him.

Lou climbed toward a small piece of flat bricks before Radeel could’ve said something and sat down with his back against the chimney of the house. Radeel shakily retreated his hands and sat down opposite of him on the bevel.

‘I really don’t want you to catch a cold.’

‘I’ll be fine.’ Lou smiled, but wrapped his arms around his angled knees. ‘The chimney’s warmed up a little.’

Radeel’s lips pulled into a smile before he looked off into the distance. The gesture dropped when he continued, ‘They’re talking a bit too casually inside.’

Lou nodded silently, but as Radeel didn’t see his approval he came to glance at him with a look of panic in his eyes.

‘I don’t mean that they aren’t prepared, or careful, or–‘ He stopped as he saw Lou’s understanding smile.

‘It’s just hard to…not focus,’ Lou answered, his eyes saddening. ‘Right?’

Radeel’s eyes closed with his nod. His glance instantly turned distant when he opened them, the pupils amidst his irises small and motionless as if he was staring at something far away. Lou watched him with the faint idea of a smile, one appreciative of silence, one he’d recently learned to wear. As Radeel’s glance returned with a tired flutter of his eyes, he placed his hand on his hip, fingers curling around the chain on his belt. Their tips brushed his brother’s amulet and his gaze jumped at Lou.

‘Did you see your flat at the mirage?’ He blinked when Lou looked up at him, fighting his glance which wanted to flutter away again. His voice sounded dry when he added, ‘The one you told me about.’

‘No –‘ Lou highlighted his denial with a shake of his head and looked down on his knees – ‘it was the house of my parents. I haven’t been there for…I think a decade.’ He glanced at Radeel. ‘My childhood village had a custom of sending their children – I was around thirteen – to more prosperous ones. Hoping that they’d return with some knowledge about architecture, medicine, and whatever not.’

Radeel watched him, an intensity to his gaze that made Lou swallow the chuckle he had wanted to add. He whispered Radeel’s name when a glisten came to join the flaming red. With a quiet cough, Radeel snapped his head away.

‘I’ve heard of those’, he replied, a tone like friction paper, ‘but aren’t those Western customs?’

‘It was on the border somewhere, yes.’

Radeel hummed and looked back at Lou. He saw the question on Lou’s face, and saw his eyes kindling with a flame that said he wasn’t ever to pose that counter-question. Out of sincerity, not long-buried fear.

‘I saw the place Laxseau and I were living in when I was still a child’, Radeel answered the silent request, but stopped and picked at the clasp on his belt that attached the golden chain to the leather. He laughed as he loosened it and turned the disc around in his fingers. ‘I didn’t remember at first. Foggy memories and all, as I told you.’

Lou remained silent, but nodded at Radeel’s glance twitching across his figure and the roof. Red swum in the sparkle of a tear, and a deepness clung to his breaths that audibly shook the cold air.

‘I don’t like pitying looks’, he continued, eyes flickering over some black-stained bricks to his left. He carefully flipped the disc in his fingers, over and over. ‘That pained furrow and a glance filled with worry. No one ever pitied me; I can’t stand it.’ His eyes rose, a pale film thrown over his face as the moon slowly started to peek out from behind the clouds. ‘I can’t tell them what I saw or how it made me feel. Each one would look at me like that. But you –‘ his glance jumped to Lou– ‘you’re different. You look at people with curiosity. With something that’s…just there, waiting, listening.’

Lou smiled and lowered his head, a content huff scratching his throat.

‘You helped Yppha sort some things, right?’ Radeel smiled when Lou blinked up at him in surprise. ‘He seemed less tensed when he was sitting next to you just now. Less light-headed, in quite a literal sense.’ His smile rose at Lou’s low chuckle.

The noise died out when Radeel closed his eyes and lay his arms over his knee. As he placed his chin on them, he opened his eyes again and looked out over the roofs. His features seemed worn and tired. With closed eyes he had teetered on the vague idea of fatigue, fatigue that seemed human, but which could never be stilled by human means. Now, with his glance straying from the silent scene on the rooftop, his expression was gradually turning looser so that the tension in his muscles ceased to a point where he looked like he could’ve just tumbled over.

Lou blamed his head, too full of something he couldn’t share, not without a little aid, and gulped quietly before he raised his voice.

‘Radeel?’ He hesitated when he gained Radeel’s glance on him, a twitch in the fingers on his knees. ‘Do you have a plan? On what to do next?’

‘Honestly – ‘ he stemmed his arms against the roof at each side of his hip, his chin rising and carrying his glance toward the vanishing cloud barrier– ‘I didn’t think I’d come this far.’ His glance flickered at Lou, the smile around his lips colourless. 

‘Well,’ Lou murmured, ‘I don’t have much – actually, no experience at all, but I’d see a few months reasonable. For preparation or something.’ Radeel looked at him and a smile sparked across Lou’s face before he chuckled, ‘if I’m not thinking too much in human terms that is.’

Radeel turned away with a smile and closed eyes. He opened them with a sadness in his look. ‘No, a few months sounds reasonable – ‘ he looked at his amulet – ‘but somehow I feel like we won’t even have one. Not even a week at worst.’

Lou’s muscles tensed; a frown thrown over his forehead. Radeel blinked at him when he didn’t react, his mien as cold as the moon now shining down on them from a lifelessly twinkling night sky.

‘Something’s just off,’ he continued, his whisper almost carried away by the buzzing noises on the street, now turning livelier as the rain and clouds had ceased. ‘Something’s…lingering. Clouding us. Trailing us.’

Radeel’s eyes blazed up in a glowing red. An unsettling spark, lit in a state of alertness.

‘Shouldn’t we tell the others about that?’ Lou asked, a jumpiness suddenly in his knees. It vanished as he realised something. ‘Wait, wouldn’t they hear us anyway?’

‘They aren’t listening.’ Radeel flipped his hand into the air. ‘We never do if anyone of us wants to have some privacy ever since a specific incident.’

‘The one with Yppha, Lax, and you?’

Radeel’s head jerked at him, a startle in his muscles. He frowned above two twitching eyes and wet his lips before stutteringly approving his assumption. As Lou explained how Yppha had mentioned it, he only nodded uncoordinatedly and pulled a knee to his chest.

‘Anyway,’ he cleared his throat before continuing, ‘it’s just a hunch. Some weird feeling of being watched. Maybe, I’m just paranoid.’ He laughed, but his mien dropped. ‘Or scared.’ He turned away and crossed his arms. ‘We should…we can tell them later, okay?’

Lou nodded, and readjusted himself against the chimney, crossing his legs as best as the small platform allowed. They silently sat by each other for a few minutes, glances flickering every so lightly at each other when a noise from down the street reached them or a light across the street went out.

‘Radeel?’

He answered him.

‘Yppha told me how Lax didn’t like him because he was human and all when they met.’ He raised his head to see if Radeel would contradict him. When he remained silent, he continued, ‘I was just wondering when you changed to…someone who’d consider turning a human into a vampire instead of just…killing them.’ Radeel looked away. Lou did the same. ‘I mean, I thought you are changed now. You just didn’t seem like that when I first came here and–‘

‘Funny enough, I asked myself the same question.’ His glance returned and Lou swallowed the nervous stutter waiting at the tip of his tongue. Radeel looked at his hands again. ‘And the story about turning Yppha is much more complex than just…turning him. And I’m also not very proud of it…I’d been watching him for some time before I decided to have him join us. Everything went a bit outside of the plan though.’ He looked back at Lou, an apologetic smile on his lips. ‘But I shouldn’t be telling you that story.’

‘I think he said he would tell me some time.’

Radeel hummed and looked straight ahead, his glance setting somewhere around the roof across the street.

‘What I wanted to say…,’ he started and bent at the waist, clasping the amulet back to his belt, ‘I was wondering when Laxseau first thought I wasn’t fitted for his plan anymore.’ He rolled his eyes additionally to his emphasising, and Lou turned away to hide his smile. ‘I mean, it must’ve been around the same time as I started showing sympathy for humans. Though I wouldn’t have called it that…

‘He wasn’t much thrilled when I chose Liu and Taeslir, another two turned vampires after Deengar, but he seemed happy with them after they had proved to be useful. When I tried to convince him of Yppha’s strength though, someone who would ground us in times of…well, chaos, he didn’t want to listen to me. Thinking back now, he had already seemed a bit wary before I told him about Yppha. So, he must’ve been lying when he implied that his view changed with Yppha.’

Lou’s head cocked up at his last remark, and Radeel too looked at him, having noticed his surprise from the corner of his eye. Lou quickly rid himself of the expression on his face, not wanting to upset Radeel. He calmed down once Radeel replied with a mere smile, one that answered the unspoken discovery between them. One that made Lou feel much prouder than if he had actually uttered those praising words on the tip of his tongue.

‘It’s just’, Radeel started, but interrupted himself with a sigh, ‘I can’t pinpoint it.’

‘If before that unknown moment, ( –‘ Radeel smiled at Lou’s phrasing and glanced at him –) you hadn’t seen a human as someone even worth considering, then what made you change your view?’

Radeel lowered his glance, a light adorning his eyes. As if it had sprung from nostalgic memory, it twinkled along the hectic movement of his irises. ‘I can’t really say. I just –‘ it sparked up, Radeel’s words lost in the breath brushing past parted lips. He looked a Lou – ‘You said Laxseau blamed himself for this outcome, right?’

Lou nodded silently. Radeel’s eyes sparkled at the curiosity in his glance. (A look that felt much nicer when it asked about something he was proud to be sharing.)

‘Then, it was Beltyir who made me change my view.’ Radeel leaned closer to Lou, fingers clenching around the bricks. ‘The boss – so, Laxseau – was the one to send us on the mission. It was before Yppha joined us and–‘

He suddenly fell silent, but the smile remained on his lips.

‘Lou, do you want to hear a story?’ (Lou would’ve agreed to anything had it meant the smile of that moment remained on Radeel’s lips.) ‘A better one this time, I promise.’

He laughed, and Lou nodded.

Chapter Text

He met him in the northern lands; one of the few regions which had preserved their past of royalty. It was rumoured that such a grand dynasty only still existed in the farthest outlands of the East. Yet even though Radeel had done many missions along the eastern mountain passes, he wasn’t as well informed about the situation as he was about the north.

What he knew of were wealthy northern towns, standing behind massive walls of defence, and the castle in the north-west, its kingdom so vast that anyone could easily spot it on any map. However, although those towns had been prospering for many centuries, they hadn’t advanced in the way eastern cities had done. Their wealth stemmed from western goods as they had a history of expansion and exploitation of the adjacent western regions, their own lands too plain to offer any mountains. Only some streams on the eastern borders provided the landscape diversity. Apart from those historical and natural foundations, their traditional mindset refused technological advances and hindered them from keeping pace with other regions. As such, their defences were frequently outdated, and attracted feral vampires more easily.

In the past, Radeel had done many other missions which included scouting out towns with too many human victims because of feral nests. In the north, they even formed clans sometimes, especially when humans of royal decent joined their groups. By dealing with them, they had often secured alliances between the East and vampire estates; this particular mission later turned out to be one of many that enabled the much-needed alliance between the regime and the northern vampire dynasty.

(Radeel laughed quietly and apologised. ‘I didn’t want to give you a history lesson.’ His glance swayed at Lou. As he noticed the glint in his eyes, and how he hung at every word that fell from his lips, he chuckled, his apology as good as forgotten. ‘I don’t even know if they’d count as a dynasty if the same ruler remains on the throne due to immortality. We’ve never much cared about terms though.)

He was administered for this mission alone as a different one had demanded the troupe’s help. Since the disappearance of humans wasn’t of extraordinary quantity either, they’d only received a small lodging spot on top of a plateau and a handful of soldiers. Such small plateaus were the most mountain-like landscape encountered in the north, and Radeel had grown used to lodging at areas like this. Though he had never quite warmed up to the tents they hid in once the sun rose.

Officially, he commanded over the soldiers, but as Beltyir was pretty much acquainted with everyone, and knew how to properly tighten and sling the strings, Radeel leaned back and just kept watch over everything. He hadn’t even met him, only ever heard his name, and whispers about his personality, until two days into the mission.

Radeel was sitting at the highest point of the plateau, watching the luminous windows in the distance. Beltyir’s throat carried a voice like that of a drunkard as he suddenly stood right behind him.

‘Don’t ever let yourself be sneaked up on, young one.’

Startled, Radeel threw his glance over his shoulder, claws already at the tips of his fingers. He looked up at Beltyir, and meet a smile. The gesture fell as Beltyir plumped to the floor at his side, a sway to his fall before he stretched his leg forward.

He was staring far away, as his voice dropped to a normal tone with every further word. ‘Always know what might just be lurking in your back.’

(Radeel smiled to himself. ‘He had only got rid of that awful habit about thirty years ago. Funny enough, he’s completely serious when actually drunk.’

‘Drunk because of drinking or when drinking a drunk human’s blood?’

Radeel laughed. ‘Both, if you ask me.)

Radeel too averted his glance. ‘You’re Beltyir.’

A darkness glistened in his glance, which he shouldn’t have directed at a temporary ally. Yet the mission hadn’t welcomed him warmly, and he hadn’t exchanged words with anyone yet. As he had expected to just spend most of the time by himself and leave once the job was done, he really wasn’t looking forward to any interaction.

‘And you are?’ Beltyir asked what Radeel had dreaded.

He didn’t respond. Only looked back at him with a grim look in his eyes.

Beltyir looked away again. ‘No pleasantries. Fine by me.’ His eyes were jumping from one light down in the valley to the next. ‘You’re not among my people anyway, so I know who you are. And you scouted out the western cliffs of the plateau with no success, right?’

The tone in his voice had changed, his earlier cheerfulness now as distant as his gaze. Radeel regretted his snide reaction, pulled his legs closer to himself, and quietly approved his assumption. With his knees closer to his torso, he appeared smaller, less like an arrogant brick.

(Lou smiled at Radeel’s wording.)

Beltyir must’ve noticed as he continued, a lighter tone in his throat, ‘I haven’t had the pleasure yet, but some of my people described you as quite the stubborn individual.’

‘Who said that?’ Radeel squinted at him.

Beltyir was eyeing Radeel’s amulet and only shrugged. ‘The usual.’

He lifted his glance, a softness in his mien that made Radeel untense. ‘But I’ve never thought much of rumours, so I wanted to check for myself. He couldn’t be as bad as his taste in clothes, I told myself.’

Radeel snorted at Beltyir’s bluntness and eyed the shabby, patterned pants around his legs. The style of his blouse was long outdated, and the lace around his collar didn’t match the squares on his pants.

(‘He never misses a chance to criticise something about the way I dress,’ Radeel chuckled. ‘Either too elegant, too old-fashioned, not adventurous enough…you get it. But I had appreciated his completely inappropriate remark back then. No one ever really did that.’)

Radeel picked at some leaf on his thigh. ‘I don’t like when we’re sent to be accommodated out in the wild, so I choose my clothes according to that. I’ll burn them afterward.’

(Lou stared at him with widened eyes, his mouth wide open. Radeel laughed. ‘He looked at me quite similarly back then, but I really used to do that.’)

Beltyir raised his eyebrows. ‘Definitely eccentric…rumours usually aren’t wrong about that.’

Radeel smiled at Beltyir’s straightforward reply; a trait he hadn’t encountered in over a quarter of a century. The reputation they had to maintain when appearing anywhere formally often nagged at his nerves. And though they had fairly warmed up to each other within the group, he wouldn’t have seen their relationship as something based on directness and intimacy.

Now that Beltyir’s remark had broken the ice, and the dreaded monotony of this mission, he dropped the annoyed face.

‘I’m Radeel.’ He looked over his shoulder, as Beltyir had leaned against his arms, his eyes directed at the sky.

Beltyir tipped his head to the side and smiled, his temple brushing the fur on his shoulder. ‘My pleasure.’ He straightened and shifted to face Radeel. ‘So, you’ve heard of me as well. Tell me what they say.’

‘You’re hard to catch, they said. Not really up for any of the missions we frequently assign.’

Radeel’s eyes widened a little when Beltyir casually approved, though he did not offer an explanation for his refusal of the regime’s orders just yet.

‘And you’re said to always be on the go. Hardly ever available to anyone who’s in need or just looking for a night out.’

‘Now that’s where they’re wrong,’ Beltyir laughed, but the tone in his voice was serious. ‘I mean, I am constantly travelling and have no place to come back to at sunrise, but if someone needs my presence I’ll be there. If I see it fit of course.’ He smiled, a darkness to the gesture. ‘And I’ll never decline a night out if it’s to the correct places.’

‘Which would be?’

‘Oh–’ Beltyir’s face lit up as if he hadn’t expected the counter question– ‘for example, have you ever been in the southwest? Where they have grand celebrations right on top of the ocean? Only the sea of blue and enlightened water lilies surrounding you. I’ve spent entire nights just dancing with ladies of old and young.’

Radeel raised an eyebrow. ‘A vampire celebration?’

‘No, no,’ Beltyir responded with a glint in his eyes, testing. ‘I’m usually the only vampire at such parties. That’s what makes them so special.’

Radeel’s mien dropped. ‘Then I haven’t heard of them.’

The glint in Beltyir’s glance disappeared, and his smile faded. Still, the lines on his forehead told of some pondering that Radeel hadn’t understood at that time. They drew a notion of hope around his eyes.

‘You should go to one some time,’ he continued and turned back to the stars when Radeel came to face him. ‘It’s a very welcoming aura among those people if you know how to talk your way through to them.’

‘I’ve heard of your sympathy for humans as well,’ Radeel drily continued and caught Beltyir’s glance back on him. ‘Some called it a weakness.’

‘Now, now, dear partner –‘ Beltyir rose to his feet, wiping his palms on his thighs before he straightened – ‘what happened to dissecting the rumours and finding out for yourself? Or did I get the wrong impression just now?’

Radeel huffed. ‘No, I don’t fancy them, but neither so your conviction.’

‘Which would be?’ Beltyir pressed a mocking tone into his question.  

‘Why don’t you tell me if we’re both so opposed to rumours?’

Beltyir’s expression darkened for a second, but he caught his mien slipping and stepped past Radeel with a smile. He was standing to his front as his glance swayed toward their tents. ‘How about I show you?’

He didn’t wait for Radeel’s reply.

Radeel rolled his eyes as he unexcitedly climbed after him. While they followed the narrow, winding path down to the plain area, he saw buzzing figures and a broad, metal carriage in the centre of their tents. Their soldiers were leading several blind-folded humans out of the carriage’s back before they brought one into each tent, and Radeel’s gaze darkened as he saw the cordiality in their moves.

Beltyir’s shoulders dropped into a compassionate sigh, and Radeel’s head snapped at him. Once the noise died, he turned to him. ‘There’s something I’d like to ask of you.’ He paused, and his mien turned serious. ‘I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t kill the human given to you. Everyone here approves because they’re already familiar with my wish.’

Radeel frowned, and Beltyir swiftly closed his eyes. After he took a sharp breath, he opened them again and smiled. ‘See it as an open hand for a good start of our acquaintance.’ He dropped his smile. ‘I wouldn’t want to abandon it so soon.’

(Radeel’s smile faded a little, the stars in his eyes vanishing as he lowered his head and left the night sky where it belonged. He looked over the roofs. ‘I had only reluctantly agreed, and he hadn’t trusted my quiet approval. As we went to the tents, he followed me into mine, a cold expression on his face as he crossed his arms and stood at the entrance.’)

The human was sitting with his back against the tent, its fabric tightened so strongly that it could’ve been called a wall. A black ribbon bound his hands over his head, secured to the cupboard next to his head, and though a blindfold was covering his eyes, he cocked his head when he heard them entering.

Radeel turned to Beltyir as the man whimpered quietly. Like earlier, Beltyir’s head tipped to the side a little, and he put a smile to the shrug falling off his shoulders. Rolling his eyes, Radeel stepped toward the man, his pace that of a human, though lacking the spirit of one. The man’s cries turned louder.

Only when some muffled words reached his ears, Radeel noticed the tight cloth in the man’s mouth. He had hardly even looked at him; his attention was usually only ever directed at someone’s neck.

As he felt Beltyir’s stare in his back, his request like a knot in his stiff neck, he lifted his finger and cut the cloth from the man’s cheek. Instantly, he spat some trembling threats at him, quick to die at the clasp of Radeel’s fingers around his throat. His arms stretched too far behind his back as Radeel pulled him to his feet, and he cried out, only silenced as Radeel cut the restraints off the cupboard. He yelped when Radeel threw him on the little sofa in the middle of the room, his foot scratching over the carpet underneath it. Radeel smiled to himself as his ears caught the frenzy, scratching noise and his pleading words. Swiftly, he pressed his hand to the man’s head.

‘How about you try and talk to him?’ Honest worry swept through Beltyir’s words. Radeel turned around and eyed the pained expression twitching over his face.

‘What for?’ He pressed his hand against the man’s wrists when he tried to jerk out of his grip, stretching his hands over his head against the armrest. At the strength of the bound, he stopped kicking at his side, and Radeel smiled. ‘See, he’s quiet.’

Beltyir inhaled sharply, and lowered his arms. Radeel’s eyes widened as he smiled at him before he turned around.

‘Be stubborn if you want,’ he quietly said, the curtain already in between his fingers as he stepped outside. ‘I’d only like you to heed my request.’ With a flick of his hand, his figure disappeared, and the curtain immediately fell to the floor. Radeel followed the dying motion, the curtain too heavy to flutter from being raised, and eyed the wooden panels on the floor.

As he turned around, he removed his hand from the wrists of the man. He watched him hurrying to lift his elbows, shielding his face with his forearms. A tired puff of air blew through Radeel’s nose, and he lifted his fingers from the sofa, reaching for the blindfold. His other hand pushed away the useless shield from the man’s face.

When he pulled the cloth off, he thought back to Beltyir’s expression. His smile flashed before his eyes as the blindfold slipped off the sofa.

The man stared at Radeel, the blackness of his eyes jerking from Radeel’s hand on his chest, right atop his bound hands, to Radeel’s red glance. A choke sounded from within his throat, and Radeel frowned, but turned to look at him – truly look at him. He eyed the scar over the man’s left eye, something remotely x-shaped that stretched to the middle of his temple. His irises were almost the same colour as his pupil, and the blackness of his hair scratched over the sofa as he subconsciously stretched the muscles in his neck to retreat as secretively as possible.

At last, Radeel raised his voice, and the man’s eyes widened. ‘His request was to not kill you, and I agreed to that.’ He tightened his grip on the man’s hands and pulled them over his head again. ‘So, will you shut up?’

It wasn’t a question, but the man gulped and unnecessarily answered him with a nod. When his lips parted, Radeel didn’t wait for whatever he wanted to say, and leapt to his neck.

Hardly a gulp passed when the man tried to move out and away from Radeel’s grip. ‘You’re hurting me! Stop!’

Radeel bit deeper, experience at thanks for knowing how to avoid his artery.

‘You said you wouldn’t–‘ he tried to jerk away, but Radeel held him down – ‘urgh, fuck you.’

Radeel hardly slowed down when the man’s insults turned quieter, but his fangs soon disappeared from his skin. As he licked over his lips, he eyed the mark he had left before he turned and looked at the entrance. The man shot away and into trembling muscles. Radeel barely looked at him, but he immediately noticed his blurred glance and the strength ceasing in his arms. He jerked once more as Radeel took a cloth from his pocket and held it out to him, fingers only reluctantly accepting the offer.

Wincing at every touch, the man wiped at his neck and fingers and Radeel idly let his glance sway. When he saw how the repetitive motion halted, he looked back at him.

‘You,’ Radeel called for him, his voice hitting the man like a pierce. He jumped into a glance to the side. ‘Where did you get that scar?’

The man eyed him, fingers fumbling with the cloth in his hands. He had raised it to his chest, unaware that it left some stains on his shirt. He didn’t respond right away as he studied Radeel’s glance, which was filled with no tint of curiosity.

‘My brother injured me when we were little,’ he answered coldly and turned away, wiping the cloth over already cleaned fingers. ‘It’s a burn mark.’

‘So, he burned you for what? A lesson? A reminder?’

‘What? No–‘ his voice was a meek breath, just slightly above a whisper, but his eyes dimmed in confusion – ‘it was an accident. We were playing catch and – ‘ He stopped himself as Radeel didn’t even look at him anymore.

From the corner of his eye, Radeel could see how the cloth disappeared in his balled fist. As he turned away from him, he spotted something at the cupboard next to the entrance. He peeked back at Radeel, then looked back at the object he had spotted. He rose to his feet, a careful, slow step falling after the other, until he reached his destination and picked up the hand mirror on the low cupboard. He kneeled down, eyeing and pressing his fingers against the wound on his neck.

When his lips partly lightly, a quivering sigh of relief rushed over them, and as his eyes sparkled; Radeel felt his face drop, his muscles loosening.

(‘I can’t remember his face all too clearly,’ Radeel sighed quietly, ‘but that relieved expression washed over him as if heaven had descended. I hadn’t ever seen it on anyone before.’ He lowered his glance, turning away from Lou. ‘Neither had I known why I asked him those questions. His scar hadn’t interested me the slightest. And the way I posed them was similar to that of an insolent child.’

Lou laughed quietly and attracted Radeel’s glance. As their eyes locked, he pulled his hands off the platform and clasped them over his lips. Radeel frowned at him, but the gesture only added to Lou’s delighted expression.

‘Don’t be that mean to yourself. What good will ever come of anything if you only look down on yourself?’ He removed his hands and revealed a warm smile.

‘Maybe I should laugh at some of your own self-conscious comments next time,’ Radeel answered, but his mien chilled when he realised how he had phrased the idea in his head.

When Lou chuckled heartily, his brows easily relaxed again.

‘I’d appreciate that, I think.’ He pulled his knees to his chest and placed his hands and chin on top of them. ‘But you can’t tell me that little interaction and his look made you doubt some decade old belief just like that.’ He looked at Radeel, his temple on his knee.

Radeel laughed. ‘No, of course, not. To be honest, I’ve found them pathetic.’ His glance saddened. ‘But I’m starting to wonder now…what made me ask those questions.’ He forced his head to return, and Lou smiled at him. His own lips only twitched briefly. ‘What stirred me into thinking back then was what he said next.’)

‘You’re Radeel, right?’

He didn’t react as the man turned around and faced him, slowly standing up. His irises flared up a little, and the man grabbed onto the corner of the cupboard.

‘The people who brought us here talked about you,’ he continued and turned around, a tremble putting the hand mirror back to its place, ‘and said they’d never worked with someone this obnoxious and shut-in on himself before.’

He grabbed the curtain and pushed it to the side. ‘I know you don’t care about me, but it does seem like I’ve met quite the cocksure jerk if you even managed to piss off that man earlier. But you probably didn’t hear the drop in his voice.’ With a last squint of his eyes, he disappeared, the thump of the curtain noticeably louder this time.

(‘Wait, first Beltyir’s comment, now this…’ Lou interrupted Radeel and straightened himself. ‘I thought you were liked by everyone. Everyone loved you back at the estate.’

Radeel sighed and pushed against the roof to shift his weight. ‘During the first twenty years of establishing our troupe, I had hardly talked to any vampires outside of my estate. If we had met someone during a mission or talked to the higher ranked vampires of different estates, we’d have exchanged surface pleasantries, and confidence always spoke for yourself if you could convey it the correct way. The same accounted to the lower ranked vampires under my command.

‘So, whenever times required to meet under peaceful and colloquial circumstances, I didn’t change my demeanour. I had managed to build everything the five of us had back then by those means why I had never doubted any of what I did, said, or believed. But when that man told me, with a completely different air of confidence, what the other vampires truly thought of me, I couldn’t even think about rushing after him…or disagreeing.’

A shaky laugh tore from his lips, and he sought Lou’s gaze. His smile was still warming his face, and Radeel continued, ‘I didn’t remember how much I loved reading books as a child, until I saw you devouring one after the other.’ He looked away. ‘I didn’t remember how my brother and I had called one of our stealth trainings by the name of ‘catch’ until that man told me of his scar.’

At last, the colour in his face faded, and the volume of his voice ceased. Now, it was only a whisper. ‘I don’t know how I couldn’t have remembered, how I could’ve forgot…but I did forget so much that lay outside of the troupe and the troupe’s plans and tactics.’ The last bits were hardly above a breath. ‘As if I was compelled to forget…is it inevitable to hold on to the people we were?’

‘You were trained –‘ Lou pressed his hands to his thighs–‘like livestock…just there to serve a purpose.’ His voice trailed off with his gaze, and he didn’t notice Radeel’s glance on him. The picture of blackened bricks saddened the colour in his voice. ‘A stock that Lax could’ve come back to when the times demanded it.’ He sounded as if he was only figuring the words out seconds before they left his lips. As he realised this, his gaze jerked at Radeel. He forced himself to an apologetic smile. The chuckle that quivered from his lips sounded as if he was crying. ‘I guess that training was harder than Lax had anticipated.’

Radeel smiled, the gesture sincere in both sadness and comfort. He raised his head after he had shaken it from his face. ‘What I had wanted to tell you next is also related to training.’

Lou smiled again and leaned back against the chimney.)

About three days later, when their search still hadn’t born any fruits, but after two nights of Radeel joining the gathering of the other vampires whenever the sun was just about to rise, Beltyir approached him another time. They had exchanged glances over the campfire meetings, but Beltyir’s voice had only been directed at everyone else in the circle. Everyone loved hearing his stories, which seemed too outrageous and awe-inspiring for that anyone could’ve taken them for the truth. Yet the more they listened, the less they doubted themselves as they were swayed by Beltyir’s storytelling.

When he approached him, their awaited campfire stories were still a few hours away, and nothing noteworthy had been spotted in the valley that he should’ve been informed about. Still, the words on Beltyir’s lips were a request. Radeel raised his eyebrow as they stood in the middle of the tents, where they’d later meet for Beltyir’s stories. Now, it was empty, also in sound when Radeel didn’t move a muscle nor his tongue.

Beltyir laughed. ‘Come on, don’t be shy. I saw how your eyes sparkled yesterday when I told everyone about the time I fought over twenty creatures in the western cliff caves. Go on and show me your sword.’

Radeel scrapped his foot over the pebbles, looking down on the gesture, but he swiftly flicked his wrist and a sabre formed in his hand, black as the night sky.

(‘Not the rapier?’ Lou scuttled on the spot and placed his feet on the roof, his side now facing the chimney. Radeel chuckled and raised his hand, the weapon materializing in his hand. Thin and long, with a modest handle slinging over Radeel’s knuckles, it atypically only arched lightly at its tip.

‘I had started out with a sabre,’ he explained and flipped the blade under his admiring gaze. It cast a blackening shadow through the night, and the moonlight didn’t as much as let it shine. ‘I still like using it now, it’s just not as pretty.’ He smiled at Lou, a rosy touch on his cheeks.)

Beltyir laughed and turned around, his hands on his back as he walked away from him. ‘I sadly don’t have such a fancy trick up my sleeve.’

Too swift for Radeel’s eye, Beltyir’s left hand tore from his back. He only caught sight of his coat fluttering at his side, as if a breeze had swayed it into the night. His knuckles already rested on the hilt of his sword. As he pulled it out, the blade flashed before Radeel’s eyes, moonlight favouring Beltyir’s shift into a fighting stance, and Radeel tumbled a step. He immediately halted when Beltyir’s glance fell over his shoulder.

He turned around with a smile on his lips and leisurely placed his weight on his right foot, tilting his sword. It was a mundane one-handed weapon, but as its tip pointed at Radeel he couldn’t refrain from gulping.

‘Go on,’ Beltyir breathed, but the noise quickly turned into a laugh, ‘come at me.’

Radeel’s gaze rose at the command, and his eyes blazed up in a flame of obedience and a twinkle of excitement. The cold sweat he had felt on his palm disappeared as he gripped the handle of his sword and lunged at Beltyir. He aimed at Beltyir’s right side, opposite of where he was armed, but just as he saw the reacting twitch in Beltyir’s muscles, he changed directions and loosened his grip. His sabre easily slipped past Beltyir’s front, and Radeel rushed for an upward slash across Beltyir’s left shoulder. He put his whole strength into the swing and, in his rush, didn’t notice Beltyir’s retreating side-way step until his blade was deflected. Beltyir only lightly tapped against it with his sword and Radeel’s sabre swung to the floor. He caught himself and hurled his gaze into the air, turning his head to his left where Beltyir was standing, a smile on his lips.

‘Again.’

Radeel immediately swung his blade at Beltyir, but he dodged backward. Again, Radeel lunged for him, a flicker down to his feet revealing where his weight was put, and landed a strike that Beltyir parried. Radeel pressed against him, and his eyes widened when he saw Beltyir’s glance falling on his body. Somewhere between hip and knee. When his dark irises shot back at him, they flared, and he pushed Radeel away. This time he jumped into an attack, which Radeel countered, but right as he did so, Beltyir’s lips swirled into a smile. He dodged another of Radeel’s attacks and followed up with a similar one, which Radeel countered the same. He side stepped and tried to land a blow on Radeel’s shoulder. Radeel manoeuvred out of it, but as his step fell into a retreat he’d figured safe, Beltyir’s hand shot outward to the scratch of his foot against the pebble.

He felt his breath hitch as he felt the tip of Beltyir’s blade on his neck.

Beltyir lowered it with a smile. ‘Your fighting is much too predictable.’ He placed the sword in the sheath, and Radeel frowned. ‘Even if you had the effect of surprise in your favour, a skilled opponent could still precisely smell your next move.’

‘I practiced this footwork for decades! It can’t be off!’ Radeel defended himself, his body leaping into a step toward Beltyir.

‘Oh, no, your footwork is fine. Your weight is balanced flawlessly, and it’s not what’s giving you away,’ Beltyir answered and crossed his arms. He stared at Radeel for a while. When his eyes lit up with a thought behind them, he loosened his arms and held them out to either side of his body. ‘Strike one.’

Radeel frowned at him and lowered his sword. His eyes briefly twitched between Beltyir’s fists, but as he locked eyes with him, his stance turned nowhere near an attack.

‘Don’t think,’ Beltyir whispered, but his smirk was as loud as the flare in his eyes, ‘just strike.’

Radeel eyed him. For long. When he brought the tip of his blade back up, his grip on the hilt had changed from before. It only casually lay in his palm, his fingers hardly tightened. Beltyir didn’t throw a single glance at it. He was only observing Radeel, kept his eyes locked to his face, and curled his fingers every now and then. After some time of this share silence, Beltyir closed his eyes. Radeel only noticed when he had already prepped and thrown the sword into the air.

Beltyir couldn’t have reacted to the swoosh of air that trailed aside the sword, or to any sound of his step as Radeel remained perfectly still. And still, he dropped his left arm still before Radeel could’ve landed a hit.

His eyes opened with a smile.

Radeel’s closed with a sigh.

He straightened and sought out Beltyir’s glance, a glint in his eyes like that of an expectant disciple.

‘You’re hesitant,’ Beltyir said and lowered his other arm, ‘just before you strike. I can see your thoughts racing, materialising before your eyes.’

Radeel raised an eyebrow. Beltyir chuckled at the honest confusion in the gesture.

‘It’s stiff, you’re only relying, not visualising.’

Radeel’s brows furrowed completely, and Beltyir snorted. He extended his hand, palm upward, and his glance flashed at Radeel’s sword. With haste in his muscles, Radeel handed it over, his fingers curling toward his palm once the metal left him.

‘Why do you fight, Radeel?’

The frown tensed even tighter on Radeel’s forehead, but Beltyir’s glance fell on the blade as he traced his fingers over the smooth blackness.

‘Why did you learn it?’ he tried again, and tilted the sword around its own axis. ‘What were the wishes of a small child’s mind when it first glanced at shining metal and extravagant handles?’

Radeel’s gaze darkened at the precise detail in Beltyir’s question. Yet as Beltyir glanced up to face him, and as he could only spot a sincere want to help in his eyes, he realised he couldn’t have known of his past. He softened his look.

‘Dancing –‘ he straightened, an awkward shift of his shoulders; the red in his eyes remained low – ‘I had first seen a real fight during a security job in the northeast. It was supposed to be my brother’s first-term trial…or at least that’s what my father had said. But he took me along to know what I should prepare for.

‘My brother didn’t even fight. He was supposed to stay alert in a mass of spectacles and demonstrations of high-classed swordsmanship.’

‘The Northeastern Erudition Trials?’

‘Yes, I think,’ Radeel chuckled, ‘I was only seven. Some scholars were chosen by the regime to examine and perfect fighting performances under the influence of demonic magic.’

‘Ah yes, but then it was cancelled about a decade ago.’

The remark aroused Radeel’s suspicion. ‘Why are you this informed about it?’

‘Oh, just some friends that were among the jury and participants.’ Beltyir flipped his hand into the air. He crossed his arms, the gesture one of impatience, but his gaze remained warm. ‘So, what did you mean with ‘dancing’?’

Radeel smiled into a huff and lowered his glance. ‘I remember their steps as a waltz, their dodges as pirouettes. Everything about the way they moved was…ethereal.’

(Radeel smiled silently to himself as he retold his own words.)

He looked up with a scared glint in his eyes. The words, already dried on the lips they had left, sounded too forbidden as something this intimate in the vast deadness of the night.

He hadn’t even told Lax about them.

But Beltyir’s smile rose as he dropped his arms, grabbing the sword from in between his embrace. He handed it back to Radeel.

‘Then, show me again.’ He smiled at the shake in Radeel’s fingers grabbing the hilt. His eyes flared up at Radeel a second later. ‘No teachings this time. I want to see your steps.’

They fought until the moon was already close to set. Radeel didn’t manage to land a fatal hit on Beltyir, but he still received a pat on his shoulder once Beltyir declared that they should take a break for a while. Just as Radeel blinked at him, his back in a slump, his chest in a heave, someone shouted to them from behind Beltyir’s back.

Radeel’s gaze shot to a soldier frantically waving her hand at them, and he straightened before she approached.

‘The southern scout-team just reported an uproar in the southeastern part of the village,’ she pressed the words off her tongue as if they were poison, inevitably losing her breath. ‘They’re following a suspicious carriage into a gap of withering slate in the plateau.’

Beltyir was already rushing toward the edge of the plateau, his glance following the end of the soldier’s finger to a place not far away. ‘Why didn’t anyone report that gap?’

‘It seemed they had piled the slate atop each other and hidden the entrance.’ She lowered her finger and hastily grabbed the hilt of her sword.

‘It won’t be long until the sun rises,’ Radeel piped up and stepped to Beltyir’s side.

‘They think we won’t go after them if it means risking our forces.’ Beltyir turned to face Radeel, a look on his face that didn’t need a verbal command. Immediately, they rushed off, the female soldier leading the way.

(‘Do you mind if I skip to the part after we had returned? I just–‘ Radeel stopped himself as he caught Lou shaking his head from the corner of his eye. He smiled briefly and added how he had been packing his things once they had returned the following night.)

He heard the curtain brushing past the floor, the pebbles gnashing softly under someone's foot as they had already removed the wooden panels. He didn't need to look over his shoulder to check who'd entered his tent.

'You're leaving?' Beltyir called out, the footsteps halting near the entrance. He softly pronounced Radeel's name when he didn't respond.

Radeel turned around. A dark twinkle in his eye that didn't want to leave him ever since Beltyir had decided to gift the furnishing to the poor village folks. They had just finished packing them up why only empty space divided them from another.

'I am,' he responded calmly, his voice hardly scratched by the anger he felt at his twitching fingers. 'I wouldn't want to spend another day stuck somewhere.'

That was the other reason; they'd saved the kidnapped girl, annihilated the dissenting vampires, but Radeel and Beltyir had needed to remain inside the cave as the sun had already gone up outside.

('I don't clearly remember what happened. I think I... blocked it somehow,' Radeel's telling turned to a whisper. He slowly looked up at Lou. 'I only still know that she was injured and that Beltyir had stayed with her, making sure she's alright. He had sent everyone away before sunrise but me. Somehow it incredibly angered me.')

'Stuck somewhere...?' Beltyir walked up to him, his words a whispered question to himself. He wore his glance low, but as he halted where the sofa had previously stood, he sharply looked up at Radeel. 'So, you aren't coming with us? Everyone wants to celebrate.'

'Celebrate what?'

'A successful mission, I believe.' He buried his hands in his pockets. 'It wasn't my idea, but I'm never saying no to a good night ou-'

'Where do you want to celebrate in a place like this?'

Beltyir's eyebrows crept up his face, almost like they were doing it on their own. 'We got a village right down in the valley.'

Radeel felt himself squint. He turned around before the glance slipped to something he'd regret and picked at the last remaining cupboard, putting his remaining possessions into a bag on the floor.

'Like I said, I'm not coming,' he replied to Beltyir's silence eventually.

'You're not much a people-person?'

Something about the term enraged Radeel and he twirled around, his claws tearing a slit into the sack in his hands.

'Will you leave me alone now?' He lost control over his voice, but he didn't care.

His anger only heightened when Beltyir remained completely numb to his emotional burst. He had dropped his glance, eyeing his foot as he pressed and turned it over some bundle of grass, shot up from within the tiny stones.

'And you don't know much about worldly etiquette either, it seems.'

'What the fuck are you trying to say?'

Beltyir looked up when Radeel leapt forward.

'What do you think I'm trying to say?'

He felt his fists tighten. From the corner of his eye, he already saw it flying toward Beltyir. Only the thought of keeping his face made him inhale sharply and calm his temper.

'I don't care what you're trying to say.' He turned around and picked up a different bag, re-stuffing his clothes. 'I'm leaving.'

'No, I got an idea.' Beltyir hurried to his side and Radeel eyed him with a look of surprise. He didn't remember when someone had last outrightly refused him with a simple 'no'. 'I'll write down what I wanted to say, and you'll tell me.'

'Beltyir, I'm serious. I don't want to put up with your–' Radeel tried to intervene as Beltyir had already grasped a slip of paper from the cupboard and fetched a pencil from his coat, but his voice cracked. He couldn't regain it before Beltyir took the word back.

'We'll do that now, dear friend. I won't let you leave otherwise.'

('Right, he had started calling me friend when we were in the cave. It had put me off even more.')

Yet even though his eyes sparked with a hateful flame at the term, he couldn't refuse. Despite them not knowing each other long enough for Radeel to have ever used the term friend, he had figured enough about the other to know he wouldn't let him off without finishing his little game. His voice snapped even harsher when he realised this, trying to regain some control over the powerlessness he had in the situation.

'You think you're perfect for acting all kindly and accepting, right?' He continued throwing his clothes into the bag while talking. Just to relief some of the anger in his voice. He didn't manage. 'I said I don't care what you were trying to say because I meant it. Go on and believe what I'm doing is wrong, but I won't mingle with your 'worldly affairs'–' the bag dropped to the floor as Radeel gestured quotation marks – 'you think I need some humane behaving? Guess what, we aren't humans, and I'm glad we aren't. No matter how much you tell yourself you like their customs, their beauty, and I don't know what else you're out for…'

He took a deep breath, but only so that he could lower his fist. 'I do not care about you, or your beliefs, and definitely not about the lovey-dovey human talk you had with the girl yesterday. It's disgusting. Her race is disgusting.'

He caught control of himself with widened pupils and popped veins on his forehead. Beltyir was only a step away from him, his stance unyielding as he clasped the paper with the note to his chest. The pencil had already been placed on the cupboard before Radeel had started talking.

'Done?' Beltyir smiled at him, his head tipping lightly.

Radeel only took several heavy breaths, his eyes flickering to the paper only fingertips away from him. He watched as Beltyir slowly turned it around, his handwriting straight and mundane, the words on the sheet little.

You're a child.

Radeel's eyes widened, unable to remove themselves from Beltyir's answer. Not even when Beltyir placed the sheet at the side did his glance rise. He only continued to stare. To think of those three words.

'I was asking you to come along, Radeel. As someone part of a vampire troupe,' Beltyir picked up the word, his fingers trembling slightly under Radeel's gaze. He blinked at the weird gesture, his senses finally returning, but when he looked at Beltyir, the movement was gone.

'You're awfully shut in on yourself, but so young as well. I've informed myself properly before meeting you, just because I like to do that; and when I realised that none of the others had any solid clue about who you are, I knew you'd sit by yourself, saying this mission was gloomy and boring.

'I just wanted to lend a hand. To help someone who seemed a little lonely, someone who amazed me with his swordsmanship and achievements, but perplexed me when I tried to warm up with him.

'If you do not want my offer, don't take it.'

He quieted suddenly, as if his tongue had knotted over his next words. Radeel only continued to eye him, unable to disagree with his words though they felt deeply disrespectful. Yet he couldn't have brought his tongue to utter words for him. He couldn't have dissented.

'I didn't have any ulterior motives,' Beltyir continued, his voice quieter event though he laughed briefly. 'Quite hard to believe in our society, eh?'

Radeel shook his head, and Beltyir's delighted sound died. He sighed before he continued, 'I'm long past three centuries, Radeel, and I remember my early days very, very vividly... I don't think I'm perfect, like you said. Sometimes I think that there is no being perfect, just as there is no path being completely right.' He smiled softly. 'Sometimes there are more paths, all of them having benefits. Sometimes there aren't any at all.

'I just like to see them all for myself and gain my own view of the world; as it is, not what I think that it is. And I've been changing paths a lot.'

He shrugged, but still smiled. 'I'm already happy when people recognise that there's a second path.'

Radeel jumped a little as Beltyir touched him on the shoulder. His grip tightened when he pushed past him.

'Offer still stands, my friend,' he said and pulled up the curtain.

Radeel knew that Beltyir’s glance fell over his shoulder and rested on his back. Waiting. He halfway turned around, his voice still a rasp sound of anger. Mixed with a tint of hurt. 'You won't change my conviction.'

His eyes widened as Beltyir laughed. Joyfully, with full lungs and a warm heart.

'Of course, I won't,' he could only briefly interrupt his laugh to push his words out. He hardly calmed down, but pulled the curtain over his shoulder, his head fallen to the side with a smile. 'You can do all that hard work by yourself.'

He disappeared with a thump of the curtain. The noise quieting all else once it died, and Radeel followed him.

With a bag not packed.

Chapter Text

Radeel fell silent, his glance scattering, his irises perfectly still atop a warm smile. The expression dropped when he faced Lou, and his lips only twitched lightly before he raised his voice again.

'You seem tired.'

Lou's eyes flickered at the soft sound. It thinned his thoughts, and he felt his figure slipping to the side, unsure whether Radeel had truly sounded this easing or if his dropping eyelids were at fault for his sudden change.

'Just a little,' he answered and raised his hand, holding his fingers minimally apart from another. Slowly, he placed his head against the chimney, his palm rushing to hide a yawn. 'Weren't you finished yet? You seemed like you were finished.'

'Well, yes. I believe,' Radeel hesitated. 'At least I think that's when I first started seeing different paths. Like Beltyir put it.'

'And you had become mission partners', Lou added what he had learned from Taeslir. 'Because he convinced you?'

Radeel laughed, but the sound was hollow.

'It's shameful –' he turned away– 'but the reason was that he had piqued my interest.' He looked down on his hands, his index fingers tipping against each other. 'He had perplexed me. I had only wanted to see where he could possibly lead me.'

The motion at his fingers suddenly stopped.

'Actually, contrary to what I said at our first…' He took a sharp breath and couldn’t get himself to face Lou. 'I lied to you when I said I hadn't kept you alive because I found you interesting.'

Lou's eyes flared a little at the words. His muscles twitched uncomfortably as he recalled the memory.

Radeel’s gaze changed as their eyes locked, but this time it didn't touch any ashamed touches. He wore a face of pondering as he eyed Lou, silently, a sorrowful lock placed on his lips.

He opened it by clearing his throat. 'I've just always had that habit, I guess; keeping something I think is lesser than me for my entertainment.'

'Take out the 'lesser than me' and it's just curiosity.'

Radeel smiled at him, but his eyes remained regretful. Yet he caught Lou's helping rope and braced himself, his shoulders confidently pushing toward his back.

'Is figuring something out about yourself always this hard?' Radeel tried to joke, but his voice held too much of a quiver.

Lou only shrugged at him, his lips rising to a smile. 'I know that talking about stuff helps a lot. Though I rarely ever do it either.'

Radeel's eyes widened a little, and Lou paused for a second. He pulled his legs to his chest and placed his chin on his knees before he continued, 'But I like when I understand people. That's its own share of figuring something out, right?'

Radeel smiled, but raised his eyebrows. 'Do you think you understand me?'

Lou raised his hand and mimicked his earlier gesture of putting his fingers together. He grinned widely from behind the little gap between them.

Radeel snorted, and immediately dropped the bantering look in his eyes. He watched how Lou stretched his arms over his head, one of his legs slipping on the bricks and stretching forward a little. He tried to hide another yawn, but failed.

'One last thing before I leave, Radeel,' he took Radeel's suggestion right out of his mouth, and sprawled himself over his knee once more before he turned to him. 'What’s the deal with this city?'

'You mean why we weren't informed about such a peculiar development not far from our own estate?'

'Wait, not far?'

'Well, it’s still quite a carriage ride, but we're definitely closer to the mansion than we were two days ago.'

'Oh –‘ Lou’s widened eyes relaxed again – ‘well, I mean, I think the answer to your question is actually my question.'

Radeel laughed at Lou's eyelids dropping at his dubious conclusion. 'Please elaborate.'

'I mean, the city’s weird in its development, defences, and architecture, of course. But what I meant is that we didn't get tested anyhow.' He straightened a little. 'And when Yppha and I returned we saw various... obscure items which are normally only used by certain creatures. Including vampires.'

'Yeah, I also saw some of those.' Radeel let his gaze sway again. 'I was also a little confused when the people I met hardly put up any resistance when I revealed my intention.'

'Yes –' the sound was a mere product of Lou's tiredness, but Radeel's head still turned at it – 'so, your question of why this city was kept from you is simple; Lax didn't want you to meet humans who were open to vampires and different creatures. Especially since he already had his doubts.'

Radeel hummed casually, but his face revealed how surprised he was at Lou's quick grasp of the situation.

'Now,' Lou started again, 'my question is: why is it this different?'

Radeel lowered his glance and quieted, his thoughts visibly crumbling in on themselves. It took some time before he raised his head again, but as he did, a shrug fell off his shoulders, and Lou dropped his eyelids in a flutter.

‘Maybe it’s just some different morality,’ Lou guessed and tried to push to his feet, but as Radeel hummed quietly, he stopped himself.

'I don't know,’ he verbalised the obvious look on his face, ’but it might just come in handy once we want to establish alliances in the future.'

Lou's eyes widened. 'We're thinking in such terms again? After everything that happened?'

'I guess a little optimism can't hurt, can it?'

‘No, sure can’t.’ Lou smiled. ‘They might even appreciate it.’ He finally rose to his feet before he explained, ‘I didn’t see any meat or many different foods on the menu, maybe their prospering isn’t as all-embracing as we thought.’

Radeel only hummed as he climbed after Lou who had already begun to dismount the barrels. When Lou asked, he briefly answered that the sun was about to rise any minute from now, and together they entered the room to two occupied beds and some very quiet snoring.

Taeslir glanced up at them when their footsteps neared, the tiny lamp on the cupboard over his head throwing light over Deengar’s face resting near the crook of his neck. Radeel answered him with a smile, but followed Lou into the room around the corner, halting just behind the wall that separated them. He watched how Lou approached the bed, but just as his palm touched the sheets next to Yppha, he jumped back up as if startled and hastened for the bathroom.

Radeel’s glance followed him, his expression torn by worry. Yet as he heard the flow of water hitting the smooth surface of the sink, he relaxed into similarly exhausted muscles and waited until Lou returned. He gave him a ‘good night’ as he slipped past his shoulder.

Once Lou was settled, the spot next to the wall was empty.

----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Lou barely closed an eye that night. (Or day, rather) Whenever he thought to have fallen asleep another dream lunged at him and pulled him right from where he'd have found rest. He couldn't tell how much time had passed, or if he had slept at all, and had long given up on counting the times he jolted awake.

He entirely tossed aside the idea of sleeping when his mind seemed to focus more on the dull voices next room than his command of laying itself to rest. With a groggy head he left the bed, his arms and some parts of his legs marked by the bedsheets. He hadn't noticed that he had rolled around that much.

Once he entered the other room, he caught a voice in his ears and nodded. Only when he raised his head he realised that it was Radeel who had called for him.

He frowned a little at Lou's figure. ' The sun's still up. Are you sure you don't want to sleep some more?'

Lou immediately dropped his nod and raised his hand. Fingers aimed at the keys, but he stopped himself when Radeel stood from his place next to Deengar and stepped closer.

'I'll get something to drink downstairs. Something warm, I don't know,' Lou hastened a response, but slowed as his eyes fell with his hand. He picked up the keys and forced them to stay opened. 'Maybe they'll have some snacks too.'

He smiled as he fished their wallet from Taeslir's coat. Radeel remained unconvinced, but didn't go after him as Lou opened the door and disappeared from his sight.

He didn't take long to return and indeed carried a half-eaten sandwich, barely filled, and a paper cup of something steaming. Without another word to either of them he stumbled back into the room Yppha was sleeping in and sat down at the desk.

Once finished, he wanted to lie down again, but hardly five minutes passed before he felt a slight unease in his tummy. He made his way to the toilet, but returned the next minute, plumping on the bed.

When he finally felt tired enough to fall asleep again, the feeling around his stomach had turned into a burning pinch. This time he noticed how he rolled around in the bedsheets, his arms wrapped around himself.

Falling asleep at some point, and waking at another, he didn't remember when his eyes had closed or how Liu had given him something. He only knew that his stomach still burned and that his legs refused him when he wanted to walk farther than the bathroom.

Bedbound and low on food like this, it wasn't until somewhen after sunset that he heard Radeel's voice from the other room.

'We'd wanted to leave tomorrow night, but his ache only got worse.'

Lou rolled over to listen more closely, but immediately regretted the decision when his stomach turned with him. He gripped harder around himself.

Taeslir sighed quietly before he added, 'He'll get better eventually, staying one more day won't give us a setback.'

'Do you really think that he will?' Yppha questioned with a tone as heavy as Lou's body against the mattress. 'He's been whimpering with every move.'

'Of course, it will,' Taeslir responded, and Lou smiled as he could visualise his hand flicking into the air. 'He's just caught up in the stress of all this. It's finally crashing down now that we've gained some space to breathe.' He crossed his arms. 'And the swollen gland proves that this is only an infection.’

Right, he had shown him that. Lou stirred a little at the thought and placed his fingers on the spot under his jaw, feeling the slight bump on his throat.

'We'll be on the move again by tomorrow night then,' Radeel concluded their little meeting.

Lou soon fell asleep again to Yppha re-entering and sitting next to him, a tender brush over his scalp sending him off.

As Radeel had implied, the next night didn’t grant him any betterment. They consoled each other.

They'd need to rest as well. Planning their next move more carefully was for the better after all.

And although their words helped for that one night, when Lou still reported them to feel a light nipping in his side and a weakness in his legs on the third night, they grew a little uneasy.

His condition was fine overall, and he had eaten properly, but he had also slept more than usual (had had more bad dreams than usual) and had been fighting a violent cramp after every meal he had taken. Only during this last night his symptoms subsided, and yet he had still not the strength in his muscles to follow through with their plan.

'We should sit out this one more night,' Radeel said from across the room, his elbows on his thighs, chin on his hands. He was eyeing Lou. 'Better this than rejuvenating this out on the road.'

Everyone agreed, but their heads were inclined to a shake just as their voices were prone to tremble. Lou added his agreement, but felt his throat tighten at the guilt he saw swimming in his glance as it strayed across their figures. Yet he couldn't pronounce his apology as Deengar swiftly caught the expression on his face.

'Now, don't look that sad', he said and threw his leg over the other on the bed, 'we've all drunk some more blood because of your shitty sickness.'

Lou didn't know whether Deengar’s words were supposed to relieve his guilt, but as his lips twitched into an unsure smile everyone immediately grasped it as such and assured him he didn't need to feel guilty.

But he wasn't so sure of that anymore once he was in bed again, Radeel telling Taeslir about that hunch he had felt. Even though he hadn't noticed it again ever since, he wasn't thrilled about their delayed departure.

To everyone's relief though, as soon as the sun rose, Lou was feeling fine again. His words were plenty and livelier as he entered. He carried a good portion of sleep on his legs, and immediately questioned them on what he had missed.

Radeel and Taeslir only chuckled, but Liu quickly started to ramble about their strolls around the city, and a little dispute with Deengar, and another successful potion. Lou tried to follow their words, but gave up half-way through and excused himself with a stretch, his hands far above his head.

'I think I'll get us packed on some stuff while the sun's still up,' he said and rose to his feet.

Radeel rose at the same time, a fleeting step carrying him to the door with Lou. A request swirled around his lips, but Lou didn't need to hear it as he saw Radeel’s trembling hand on the door.

He searched for his eyes before he answered his unspoken words. 'I'll be careful.'

Somehow the promise made Radeel's expression even more uneasy, and Lou took a step away from the door. He frowned at him, the tension around his eyes one of worry. 'Do you want me to stay? Then, we'll just do it later at night.'

Radeel blinked suddenly, the red in his eyes sparking for a second. His expression and hand fell as he seemed to realise what his refusal would mean. He raised his head before he answered him, 'No... no, we shouldn't waste any time once we're able to leave. Just go quickly.' His eyes sparked again at the second sentence, and his voice turned deeper as if he was making a command.

Lou nodded. 'I'll be right back.'

He left, and Radeel's hand formed to a fist beside his body. After some time, he hastened for the window, a small covering outside allowing him to peek outside during this hour of the day without any sunbeams hitting the glass. He watched how Lou disappeared into the bakery they had spotted three nights ago on the rooftop. When he saw him leave the shop again a few minutes later, he couldn't suppress his sigh. When he lost sight of him, he stepped away from the window, and sat down on the bed.

It wasn't until Taeslir casually placed the brochure he had been reading on the nightstand that Radeel jumped into tensed muscles.

He had sat down when Taeslir had only started reading.

Instantly, he started rushing up and down the room. His mind jolted from the place it had rested in. Like clouds, puffy and delusional, that had now vanished.

The others urged him to collect himself, but he laughed at their suggestion. Their own hands were shaking uncontrollably. Their own breaths were fleeing them. Pictures formed into scenarios in their heads.

Lou didn't return. Nightfall settled in and he didn’t return.

They had prepared to immediately storm outside once the sun had set. They had packed everything and gone downstairs, waiting next to an empty receptionist's desk.

But what opened wasn't the front door. The hand on the handle wasn't Radeel's, or any of theirs, or Lou's.

But Radeel didn't see. He couldn't see.

He only saw the knife at Lou's throat.

Chapter Text

Lou opened his eyes, but he couldn't see. He was surrounded by complete darkness. Something pounded against his head. He blinked and pulled at his thoughts, but he couldn't think. Something tasted bad in his mouth. He inhaled, but he couldn't breathe. Something died right at his lips, a squeal he had wanted to utter. Something of a prayer he had wanted to send.

Shifting on wobbly arms, he stemmed himself off the floor. The spot on his shoulder almost forced him back down, but he shook his head and gritted his teeth. He hissed as he pulled himself up and plumped to his side, an ache shattering at his hipbone. The strain pulled a whine from his lips, and he froze as the sound hollered around him, his own breathing suddenly too loud for his ears.

He touched his temple, but immediately jerked away. With a tremble coating his fingertips he tried again. His skin felt sore, swollen, and he couldn't see, but he knew what colour it had, what unnatural tone dyed the area around his eye.

His hand fell, but as he sighed it immediately rushed up to his lips. The sound that had brushed his ears had been a scream. Wet drops touched his fingers. His shoulder still hurt.

He blinked at his tears and Radeel's face flashed before his eyes. He almost yelped at another whimper tearing from his lips.

Where did he see him? Why had Radeel started tearing up in front of him? He couldn't grasp the reason for his glance. He only saw the picture of him staring, staring, and staring. Why wasn't the colour beautiful? He had called it weaker forms of the word, but it had never been like this.

His breath hitched as he couldn't find the word for description. He couldn't find his thoughts. They raced. Rushed away from him, chased something less... painful?

He looked up, meet nothing but darkness, and took another breath.

Was Radeel's gaze, blinking at him from within his mind, painful? It pained to think of it, he had no doubt, but was it also the emotion behind the flaring red?

He looked pained, awful; his eyes looked small.

Lou was staring into the darkness. He didn't hear himself cry.

They carried defeat. He couldn't compare them to anything. He couldn't. He couldn't stop crying either.

Finally, he forced himself to wipe at his eyes, and whimpered as he pressed against his temple. He pressed down on the bruise harsher, and his thoughts slowed at the pain. His head rose at a picture.

He had left their rented apartment. It was bright and warm, inside the bakery. And outside the bakery. The sun had been setting, just barely. It was still so bright.

His head burned as if something whipped against it. As if someone slapped at it with a materialised version of the glimpse he saw. Like crystals. That stuck to his scalp once he saw the picture clearly.

He had seen a bookstore. Just down the street, four stores from the bakery.

He had never had one in his home village. It had tempted him.

'Of course we'd find him near a bookstore, didn't I tell you?'

Lou jumped up the wall as he heard the voice like he was right in the scene for a second time. His knees buckled as he leaned against the wall. An ache bloomed in his chest. Just when he assured himself that Lax wasn't in the room with him, he allowed his mind to wander back.

‘I told you my potion would work.’

Who had he been talking to? He didn't remember.

Had it been a woman? He didn’t have her voice in his ears anymore.

‘You could’ve just captured him.’

‘Oh, my, my, you’re turning funnier every time.’

She had looked like a woman.

Lou shook his head into another cry as his thoughts thinned again, as the available words turned scarcer. Something wanted his thoughts small, his sentences short, something that he was injected with.

His eyes flared; Treces had been with Lax. He had drugged him after he had captured the others.

Captured.

His throat dried. Every noise turned dead.

He had led them to the others. He had sold them out like a coward. He had thrown himself right into the enemy’s arms.

Radeel's face struck his mind again, but his tears wouldn't fall anymore. Only the wet stains remained on his face.

The look in Radeel's eyes was one of guilt.

He tried to gulp at the nothingness in his throat, but only coughed. The pain around his shoulder heightened as the noise turned rawer. He slid down the wall again and pulled his knees to his chest. Staring into the darkness.

He wondered how many days had passed. Supposing that they'd returned to the mansion in the East, they'd driven one or two nights, Lou guessed. He tried to recall what had happened as he placed his chin on his knees. The muscles in his back ached into the stretch.

They had been together, once Lax had captured him, all three of them. No, the woman had left. Maybe she wasn’t even there at all. Treces was there. He was sure of it. Outside. Outside of the city gates, they had led them outside, a knife to his back. Treces restrained them. Why didn’t they fight back? He saw them climbing into a carriage, two carriages, but he didn’t follow.

He hugged his knees tighter as his memories turned black. The same scenes were replaying over and over, formed themselves in the hollowness of whatever room he was in. Lax watching him from within the room he had pulled him into, the carriage, Treces doing something to his arm. Radeel’s eyes.

His eyes started watering. He knew he’d see those eyes again, knew how Lax hadn’t disposed of anyone yet. He wouldn’t be alive anymore if they’d been long gone. Lax’ last plan was interrupted after all, and whatever wicked offer he had prepared this time, it’d be much crueller, much darker than the lightless void Lou was staring into. Another tear dropped because he knew they wouldn’t accept his offer, wouldn’t play his game.

And he didn’t know if he could bear what that meant.

He jumped as a door opened, a shriek against the old floor of the castle, but no light fell into the room. His hands brushed over the wall as he straightened, his head spinning when he tried to ascertain where the noise had come from. When the light fell in, he blinked, his eyes squeezing shut as he was almost blinded from nothing but an oil lamp. The shine from the enlightened hallway outside only adorned the floor, too thin to reach him, too meek to ease his mind.

As someone touched him, his eyes shot open, and he jerked from their touch. He thought he was yelling something at them, but they didn’t yield, and he didn’t hear himself properly. He kept quiet about it. Just as he was dragged to the crack in the door, a hand on either of his upper arms, and presented to Trisse holding the lamp, he found the voice to tell her off.

She only smiled at him and brought the lamp closer to his face as he shun away from it.

She looked up at the two holding him, a scary shadow on her face from the low angle of the lamp.

‘Let go of him.’

Immediately, the hands to his side dropped, and Lou hugged his arms to his body. She hesitated before she looked back at him and continued, ‘He’ll follow us on his own.’

She turned on her heel and Lou flinched at the clink against the floor. His breath slithered through his teeth at another ache in his shoulder, but he rushed after her, her clinking heels somehow turning louder the farther she went. As he followed, his head already low, he dared a glance at them. His hands curled in on his shirt when he saw that she was wearing boots. And still her left step always carried a shrill clink. Her right a dragging sound. Lou spotted a strange drawing on her leg and some bandages that stuck out of her boot. Her injury, he figured.

He buried his hands deeper into his sides and looked down on himself. He was still wearing his clothes. They looked according to the situation; they’d surely been travelling for two nights. And he didn’t know how long he’d been inside that room. He wasn’t hungry, a little thirsty, but fine overall. The adrenaline, he told himself, and rushed to glance over his shoulder. The two vampires were following behind him, a hungry sparkle in their gaze although it was thrown straight ahead. Yes, definitely the adrenaline.

He lost his breath when they climbed some stairs. He couldn’t say how many of them, or how many turns they had taken until here. They were steep. He noticed that.

Trisse opened a heavy door at the end of them, one that opened to the inside. Lou’s organs turned in on themselves as he thought to fall backward down the stairs, a tingle rushing from his toes to his fingertips.

This time Trisse grabbed him by the arm and yanked him forward. He tumbled through the door, caught his figure with a slump in his back and carefully looked up.

They were standing outside. It was night, a dark night. He didn’t see a single star through the demolished roof. To his front, a wall blocked his way. He straightened with the fresh air, his lungs filled a little lighter, but jerked right back into a tensed neck when Trisse clinked past him. She pulled on his arm and forced him to follow, her lead toward the end of the small room where the wall to his right parted slightly. Instead of stepping through the parting herself, she pushed him toward it, and he fell to his knees behind the threshold to the other room.

As his glance rose, he noticed it wasn’t a room. Just a floor and some damaged pieces of the façade and a long-forgotten roof truss.

The damaged rooftop he had seen.

He turned at a call for him. Radeel stared at him from his similar position on the floor.

Lou straightened as he glanced at the others, kneeling in a row to Radeel’s side. A chain bound them all together, resting in their laps where some of their gazes lingered.

Someone picked him up, a touch on either of his elbows, but he shook them off with what little strength he still found in his muscles.

‘Don’t touch me! Let me–‘ he yelled and teared away from the soldiers’ grasps, but his head still spun, and he tumbled backward.

As his palm pushed against his temple and his fingers pressed against the bruise on his eye, he tumbled against something. He twirled around, his hand already raised to slap at the next person to hold onto him, but he was caught by his wrist, a bandaged hand a breath away from crushing his bones.

He looked up at Lax. His head still foggy, but the image awfully clear.

Lax only stared at him, watched how Lou’s eyes flickered to his bandaged arm, up to his shoulder, and didn’t say a word. Right, he had pulled him out from underneath the sun, Lou remembered and gulped. He looked up at him.

Something glistened in his eyes, but it disappeared as Lou stemmed his free hand against him and screamed at him, ‘I said don’t fucking touch me!’

He stumbled back after Lax let go of him, but yelped as he struck him across the face. His step faltered and he tipped to the side, barely catching himself with his hands on his cheek. Burning under his touch, he didn’t dare rub over it as he glanced over his shoulder.

But Lax’ gaze lingered elsewhere.

‘Where were we?’ He clasped his hands together at his front as his eyes sparkled with a faked smile. An instant later, both gestures dropped. ‘Right: ‘please let us talk about it’ this, and ‘you don’t have to do this’ that. Anything else?’

Yppha jumped from his spot, but his strength ceased mid-air and he fell. He winced as he crushed to the creaky panels to his feet. Radeel and Liu were pulled forward by his stunt and their worried glances rushed to Yppha’s trembling muscles.

He gritted his teeth before he looked up, his fingers scratching over his knees. Clawless. ‘We told you to stop playing these stupid games. We’ve been at this for three fucking days. Just have your way and get it over with. You already have us defeated anyway.’

His voice cracked at the last part, and his feigned confidence ceased. Radeel lifted his hand to his side, but stopped himself before he went to comfort him. His eyes shone with nothing but tiredness.

He looked up and met Lou’s eyes, but a second sufficed and he fled his gaze, a quiver running over his lips as his eyes flared with tears. He yelled at Lax instead, ‘There must be another way! What do you want? We’re begging, Laxseau, damned reduced to something you can toy with…what will make you stop?’

Lax remained perfectly silent as he listened, his mien unfazed. It suddenly sparked up like fireworks, and he turned to face Lou.

‘Don’t you think someone’s a little confused here?’ His question was empty of any joy, making his grin all the more frightening. ‘We wouldn’t want to leave our precious treasure out of this now, would we?’

Liu leapt what distance the chain on them allowed, their words a shrill echo. ‘Call him that one more time and I’ll–‘

‘Didn’t you fucking listen?’ Deengar cut them off, only his fists tightening as he remained on his knees. ‘We’re done with your shit games, get to the damn, fucking point and–‘

Lax yanked Lou to his side, his burned hand holding him by his arm, and pressed his claws against his throat. His grin grew wider as he pressed Lou closer to himself, his fingers slithering to his jaw.

‘Care to continue?’ His voice turned into a grin when Lou started trembling, his hand clasped around Lax waist, pulling and trashing at his shirt.

Lax didn’t care about the gesture and only dug his claws deeper so that he drew blood. When no one tried to continue, his fangs flashed to the flame in his eyes, and he threw Lou off him. He gestured a swift command, and someone grabbed Lou by the shoulders once more. The touch was lighter, but he still jerked and threw his glance over his shoulder. He froze as he saw Treces, who firmly locked his eyes to the grip on him.

‘So, where to start?’ Lax feigned some hesitance and looked over his shoulder. ‘Trisse?’

Her head cocked at the call like that of an obedient watchdog, but her gaze was dark like the lifeless night. ‘Why don’t you start by telling them how I couldn’t aid you because of this fucking painful, broken leg?’

She turned to Taeslir and lunged forward, two clinks running through the night.

‘Oh, right,’ Lax picked up her suggestion, or parts of it, and she halted. ‘So, first things first; how did I find you?’

He looked through rigid faces, his tone that of one who wouldn’t continue without an answer. Yppha and Taeslir averted their glances. Lou didn’t know if it was because they were contemplating over an actual answer or just couldn’t keep silent like the rest while facing Lax.

As the air eventually turned heavier, he fought against Treces restrains. He shook from head to toe when the grasp turned tighter at his trashing.

Still, he raised his head and answered, ‘Because of the Vita inside of me.’

‘Oh–‘ Lax turned to him, his chin high in the air – ‘it’s smart after all.’

Radeel and Yppha jumped again at the side, but Lax wasn’t interested. He was looking at Lou who turned up his nose in disgust and frowned. The gesture made Lax’ gaze darken.

‘Well, like he said,’ Lax answered Lou’s guess and turned to the others, ‘it was his heart that gave you away. Just not my energy after you had so carefully removed it.’

His glance flickered at Trisse, and she smiled briefly.

‘After my sister was rendered unable, Treces had to return to our estate and fetch some of Liu’s storage.’

Liu’s eyes widened before they visibly crumbled in on themselves. Lax eyes flared again at their changed stance.

‘Right, you always meticulously collected something from everyone,’ he continued, his tone higher than usual. Honest emotion swept through his mocking mien. ‘For some experiment or whatever shit you were doing.’

He smiled and paused, but quickly snatched the word back.

‘It was Treces’ idea because he just so happens to know your liking for your so-called Vita.’ He started tapping his foot against the floor. ‘As lucky as we were it was truly something from everyone. He went and returned in just about three days – you really always choose the longest routes for your travels – and once we had spotted you, Treces even crafted the shackles now bounding you to such futile, mortal powers.’

‘I suggested that metal infusion to diminish someone’s power!’ Liu yelled and leapt forward, their hands thrown into fists, their voice and eyes darting at Treces. A tremble and tears shook in them.

‘Even more of a disgrace,’ Lax commented and turned away before Liu could return his glance. He crossed his arms and raised one hand to his lips. ‘Was that all…? Actually, since you all want to keep this as short as possible, we’ll skip the details. You get the gist of it.’

‘And the potion?’ Lou asked and tumbled forward, Treces not allowing more than a step.

‘What potion?’ Lax’ answer shot at him, his tone completely darkened and deep all of a sudden. His gaze had returned to the derogative flame as if he was looking at an insect rather than a person.

He turned away and left Lou’s frown unanswered, his eyes swiftly sparking despicably.

‘Now,’ he almost yelled, ‘who’ll you put at blame? Who’s the one most guilty?’

His eyes flared like that of a child, but he swiftly dropped the act when no one responded.

‘Seriously, who’s guilty?’ he tried again and walked closer to the others, his stride just so ending before Liu. ‘Was it you because you provided us with what we needed to find you and render you powerless? Or who was it whoever decided to stay this long at one place so that we could eventually catch up to you?’

He turned around, raising his arms into the air at his sides. Glaring at Lou, he lowered them into his pockets.

‘Or was it that bitch after all for being this predictable that he ran right into my arms?’

His fangs flashed at him, and Lou shun away, Treces’ touch yielding just a little.

‘Lax.’

Lax’ expression dropped. The joy in his mien crushed to the floor like a shattering vase, and his eyes dimmed with a turn of his head. He stared over his shoulder, the red he met not twitching the slightest.

‘You’re at fault.’

He turned around to face Radeel, his eyes blinking, his hands sliding out of his pockets. They stared at each other, taking breaths at the same time but not sharing them, until Lax averted himself with a cough. He brought his fist to his lips, and twirled ninety degrees on the spot, slowly approaching his earlier spot. A weakness clung to his gaze, but Lou didn’t dare raise his voice again.

Lax did instead, ‘Since you all crave for this to end, I’ll make it quick: You got your chance–‘ he threw his glance over each of them. Then he turned to Lou, his gaze empty – ‘now, he’ll get his.’

His arm rose, his index finger pointing to a broken piece of wall. Lou involuntarily followed the gesture with his glance and spotted some chains dangling from it. Lax’ smile grew brighter as he saw Lou’s eyes widening.

‘East is – as we know – over there,’ he said and pointed into the direction the wall was facing. Slowly, his finger crept toward Lou. ‘You’ll choose.’ He pointed at the others. ‘Or this will become more numerous and painful than any of you wants this to be.’

Lou caught a breath in his throat and choked. Uselessly fighting against Treces’ grip again, he coughed and lunged for air, his back bending into a slump at the pain on his shoulder and chest. As he braced himself, he was trembling against his restraint.

‘You’re nuts,’ Lou snapped at him, but his voice barely heightened over a whisper. He continued to pull and jerk in Treces’ grip.

Lax’ eyes flamed. ‘Once this is done we can talk about such things.’

A quiet, supressed sob tore through the tensed air and Lax’ head cocked at the noise. He turned up his noise at Taeslir stemming his hands against the space between his knees. With a tear in his eye, he looked up.

‘Laxseau, please! There must be another way! You don’t have to–‘

‘Uh-uh’, Lax interrupted him and pushed his hands behind his back, ‘I said ‘once this is done’. You’ll wait for your turn.’

Taeslir’s mien and voice dropped, and Lax dropped his hands. He turned away and walked toward Lou in the same breath. Some faked encouraging words travelled over his lips, but Lou only shook his head.

His voice was a tremble now that Lax approached him, ’I won’t. I won’t play your game. Get yourself some other pawn to–‘

He swallowed his last words as Lax clasped his hand over his throat, his breath sucked out of him. As his eyes flared with panic, Lax’ fangs flashed through parted lips, but he loosened the grip. Lou lunged for air and jerked against Treces’ hands again.

‘Like I said–,’ Lax’ tone was stern as he pulled on Lou’s jaw– ‘this’ll get more painful the longer you refuse.’

Lou whimpered at the nails on his jawline, but was still fighting and pushing his elbows against whatever part of Treces he could reach. Once his movements stopped from a cause of fatigue, something flared in his eyes, and he pushed against Lax.

‘You just want someone to feel guilty! Deal with your shame yourself!’

Lax tightened his grip, leaving a scratch on Lou’s jawline, but no choke around his throat. ‘Now, don’t be nasty. I just want to see someone in pai-‘

Lou spat at him. Wetting the spot just beneath his eye. The entire rooftop chilled.

Lax removed his hand and wiped at the spot, his expression one no one had ever seen him wear.

Yet the moment of surprise was short, and Lou yelped as Treces pulled on his hair. A knife flashed at him from the corner of his eye, and he rushed to scratch and tear at Treces’ wrist. To no avail, he trashed against the restraint, and desperately clung to Treces’ hand that had slung around his hairs.

‘The boss said I could use you for my study if you misbehaved,’ Treces whispered into his ear, and sent everyone into another jolt forward.

Lou squinted his eyes at the burn on his scalp and begged Treces to stop, but he only earned another pull on his hair, and a hiss from behind his head, ‘I could also make use of just some parts though. Look –’ he yanked Lou’s head onto his shoulder and raised the knife in his hand over his head. Lou immediately snapped his eyes open – ‘maybe an eye…’

Something blue flashed on the blade and Lou’s eyes widened. Only then he saw the tip of it pointing to his eye.

‘Or rather an ear…?’ Treces lulled into his ear before he lowered the knife to Lou’s jaw.

He leaned forward and placed the tip right beneath Lou’s ear. Their eyes struck as Treces’ gaze flickered. They shared a breath, a second of something sparking in either of their glances, before Lou’s lips started trembling. He sobbed not long after, and Treces tightened his grip again.

‘Treces,’ Lax called for him, wiping his fingers on his sleeve. He pushed Trisse away from his side when she tried to comfort him. ‘Drop it. I’m done here.’

He eyed the mark on his sleeve in disgust before he reached down to roll up his sleeve up. Treces immediately released Lou and distanced himself, his gait noiseless.

Lax didn’t look up at either of them when he continued, ‘You can keep him. I’ll go with the other plan. I don’t like that it’s going to be messier, but so–‘

He halted as he heard Lou mumbling something under his breath.

Everyone stared at him in Lax’ silence.

‘Deengar,’ he said, and cried into a sob, ‘I choose Deengar.’

Chapter Text

Lou hadn't even uttered the last syllable of Deengar's name when he felt Lax grinning down on him. From a place, he was too ashamed to raise his glance to. He flicked it at Deengar, curling his lips to keep himself from crying.

He was staring at him.

He looked small.

Lou caught a sob in his throat when Deengar looked away, lowering his glance to his hands that he powerlessly balled to fists in his lap. Tumbling forward, Lou found his tongue tied by everyone's glances. No one looked near as collected as Deengar when he raised his head again, a faked flame burning in his eyes.

Lou didn't make the second step as Treces caught him by his arms.

And Deengar's eyes didn't find Taeslir's. To get to Deengar, the guards had already pulled him to his feet and off the chain.

Lou turned his head at Treces, trying to catch his glance, but reached no one. He only pulled him farther away and tightened the grip on his upper arms.

Taeslir was watching them, and at the sight of Lou struggling, he found his own muscles shaking in a need to do something. He jerked against the two guards holding him, but the shackles on his wrists devoured his strength.

He snapped at Lax when they didn't butch the slightest bit, 'Laxseau! I'm begging you, please!' He jolted into a tremble and aimlessly threw his hands into his direction. His fingers remained clawless, no matter how much he tried. He sobbed. 'Please, don't do this! Don't!'

'Hey, Tae,' Deengar mumbled, his voice barely audible against Taeslir's yell, as two different guards pulled him up by his shoulders, 'don't beg for that piece of shit.'

He threw his glance at Taeslir over his shoulder. The chain dangled from his shackles, hitting his knee once before Taeslir leapt forward into a sob. The guards to Deengar’s back flinched, but Taeslir didn't jump far. The guards immediately pulled him back, and he violently shook his head, his pleas joined by the others' desperate voices.

They all faltered as the guards pulled Deengar away from them, and Lou pulled on Treces' grip. He eyed the mien on Deengar's face. Chilling. Frozen like ice. His stoic act crumbled the louder the others yelled.

The longer they begged for his sake.

Lou sobbed as Taeslir piped up again, his pleas louder than the others’, the memory in his head the loudest as he recalled the desperate tone in his voice. Just that it was the other way around this time.

('Don't kill him. Don' t kill him…you killed… you killed him. You killed him. You – ')

Taeslir was silenced by a fist in his stomach. He coughed in the guards’ arms and sank to his knees. They pulled him back up before he had recovered.

Frozen in place, Deengar threw his glance at the guard who had hit him. The chain slid from his shackles, clattering to the breathless pleas lingering somewhere on the dead, cold floor. His breath hitched when the chain rustled to his feet. He held it, his eyes still on the guard.

Purple flamed at her.

Lou saw a claw at the tip of his index and middle finger, and his eyes widened. They pressed against the heel of his hand, twitching closer to his palm. Trying to hide.

His breathing aggravated; his chest forgot how to rise. The touch on his arms loosened a little, and he turned to Treces. His lips agape, a tear in his eye.

Treces shakily pushed his hair away from his other eye, and his glance darted to Deengar's hands. It flared for a second. Grey turned to snow-white for a second. His lips parted for a second.

As he saw Lou staring at him, his glance twitched. The grey in his eye thickened like fog, and he placed his hand on Lou's arm. Before his hair fell over his eye, he looked down at Lou’s lips.

He shut them, and Treces pulled him farther away.

Deengar fought against them, strengthless, as the guards intended to pull him to the lone wall. Just as he passed by Taeslir, he fled their grip and made a jump for his hands. He grabbed them, but the guards caught him by his shoulder. As they pulled at him, his hands slid off, his step tumbling back into line, but Lax huffed and flung his hand into the air.

The dismissive gesture made the guards halt, and Deengar hastened forward. Their shackles crashed against each other with a clank.

Trisse leapt forward at the noise, but Lax caught her with his arm across her chest and grinned down on her. He'd amuse himself a little – his smile silently talked for him.

'Hey, Tae... Taeslir,' Deengar whispered, and squeezed his hands. The guards shifted closer when he raised his hand to tap against Taeslir's chin. He smiled as their eyes locked. 'Don't cry, okay – hey, hey, no look at me. Don't you remember our rule?'

Taeslir tensed with a sob, and couldn't get himself to shake his head.

Deengar chuckled softly. 'Don't let yourself be chained up by anyone but me.'

Lax rolled his eyes and turned away. Facing Trisse, he tipped his head toward them, but Taeslir's glance had already lit up.

He saw Deengar’s wink through blurry eyes, and held his breath.

Their shackles snapped in half.

And they jumped.

Deengar struck at the guard who had hit Taeslir, his elbows crushing the ribs of the other two to his back. She howled in pain, grabbing at her scratched face.

Taeslir slapped at the other guard, but drew Deengar’s attention to him when a cry tore from his lips.

Trisse had jumped at him, her claws at his neck and stomach as she pushed him toward the other side of the rooftop. He pushed her off within the same breath, claws springing to his own fingertips, but couldn’t returned to Deengar’s side under her vicious attacks.

Deengar snapped at Lax, panic in his eyes when one sibling had already made their move.

His muscles chilled when he came to face him.

He didn't even look at him. He was staring at Trisse's attack, and lazily flung his hand behind his back, sending the remaining guard into the building. Once the gesture fell, his head flew into his neck, and he looked at Lou and Treces. His eyes darkened, his glance lingering over Lou's shoulder. When Treces pulled them away again, his lips curled into a smile, and his sword appeared next to him. He raised his hand and picked it from out the air. His wrist twisted, and the sword’s tip pointed to the floor.

Without wasting his time with a glance to his side, he stepped toward them. However, Yppha and Liu sprinted in between.

Lax lazily let his glance sway to Radeel as his breathless voice slit through the air. Deengar had just snapped his shackles in half when Radeel’s hands jumped to his collar. ‘Why has it always got to be something sexual with you two?!’

His eyes darted to Lax, but the latter only turned to his previous aim, smiling as he already heard the footsteps from his side. Radeel’s glance quickened into some flickers. Guards were flooding from the adjacent room and the demolished remains of a second storey above Lax’ head.

Yppha’s and Liu’s glances similarly dispersed as they were shoved out of the way. They tumbled over their own steps and tried to strike and dodge as best as they could. Lax smiled after them, and glanced at Radeel one last time. As they were overrun by soldiers all the same, his order for Deengar to help Taeslir, while he’d aid Yppha and Liu, died at the tip of his tongue.

Lax strut closer, his blade glistening, and Treces' grip tightened. He pushed Lou off to his side and reached for the knife at his hip. Just as he pulled it from the sheath, his head cocked at Deengar tearing from some guard’s arms. He leapt at Lax who saw his plunge from the corner of his eye.

He didn't bother turning to him. He merely flung his free hand into the air, and Deengar fell to the floor.

He gripped at his shoulder and hissed. Blood was flowing over his cramped fingers.

Lou's eyes widened, and he tumbled as Treces’ arm wrapped over his chest.

He was trembling, a look of horror in his own eye.

Deengar threw his hand to the side, his claws painted red, and jumped again without thinking. He slumped to the floor at another of Lax' gestures, his thigh suffering a gaping wound. With a tremble, Deengar stemmed his hand against the floor, unable to push himself up.

Liu jumped past him after they saw him on the floor.

He tried to scream after them, but they had already plumped to their knees in front of Lax.

Lou's heart missed a thump. He slapped away Treces’ arm and grabbed his blouse instead. 'What's he doing? Hey! Hey, how is he doing that?!'

Deengar was swept away by another group of guards, and Treces looked at Liu crawling to their feet. His gaze only teared away when Lou shoved his entire weight against him. He repeated his question, the sound a yell, and felt his own fingers trembling. Treces shakily grabbed his hand.

'I... – I don't know!'

He removed Lou's hand and looked back at Lax landing a hit on Liu's upper arm.

Lou immediately threw his fingers at Treces’ collar. 'I asked what's happening! Think for hell's sake! Or do something!'

'I don't know, I don’t – okay, okay!' he yelled and wrapped his hands around Lou's wrists, pulling him off him. He blinked, and his eyes twitched between Lou's tightened fists in front of his chest. 'He asked me to extract some additional energy from him this morning! I didn't ask why, I just – I don't know what he's doing! It looks like an ancient spell, and I don't know any of those!'

He lost his breath and inhaled sharply as Liu screamed at Lax. It was some insult, but it turned into a pained hiss when another scratch appeared on their shoulder out of thin air.

Treces' grip suddenly tightened. 'It... it looks like that…'

He hauled Lou and himself behind a low wooden box. 'They're blades made from his energy! They're invisible, but they couldn't possibly harm them this much if it’s just...'

He fell silent and clawed at the wood under his fingers. Lou eyed him for a second before he let his glance sway. Radeel and Yppha were fighting back-to-back, several unconscious soldiers littering the floor to their feet. Deengar took care of the last guards who had attacked him earlier, standing under some remains of the second storey. Taeslir was still fighting with Trisse.

He turned when Treces grabbed his arm, the gesture almost one of excitement as he seemed to have grasped something. 'They should sense his energy! Liu can dodge like that! And considering that he’s only wounding them, he shouldn't be all to skilled in –'

Lax’ hand flung into the air, and the floor over Deengar's head collapsed.

The grip on Lou's arm faded.

Liu was staring at the collapsed roof, panic rushing over their lips in hastened breaths. They jumped at Lax again when they spotted some groaned stirring from beneath the remnants. He flung his hand at them, but only struck them with faint scratches. Liu had seemingly heard Treces’ exclamation.

Lax’ head turned when Trisse cried out in pain. His blades continued to rain down on Liu as he looked at her sitting on the floor, grabbing her leg. Taeslir had only kicked at it, but she writhed in pain and try to calm her breath.

Just then, his eyes twitched with Taeslir’s figure. He was jumping across the roof, dodging, and slapping at some soldiers who blocked his way. His steps were obviously leading up to him and Liu.

He turned up his nose, and swung his sword at Liu, forcing them back a good distance. He jumped to the wall and picked up a small barrel. As he turned around, he balanced it on his palm.

Looking at his aim once more, he threw it.

Taeslir dodged with widened eyes, but just as it touched to the floor, Lax snapped his fingers, and it exploded into a bright flame. A foul stench spread over the roof as its content spurted through the air.

Taeslir jumped at the flames. The guards, Yppha and Radeel similarly so. As his eyes widened against them rising to the sky, he backed away. His breath faltered. His hands trembled at his hips.

Lou only saw how Trisse jumped at him in his distracted state. She pushed him to the edge of the roof. He just so caught himself, but he was still trembling, and Trisse shoved him back toward the fire.

Liu jumped at Lax, a yell tearing from their lips, but Lax clicked his tongue in disgust and struck the back of his hand across their head. They cried out as his slap sent them to the floor, their figure motionless once they landed just before the flames.

Their head rested on their arm, and their hand scratched at the floor. They tried to push up, but the arm on their waist only twitched lightly as if they were scratching at their stomach.

Lax huffed and looked at the flames. The longer he stared at them, the more viciously they crackled.

Lou's patience crumbled, and he yanked Treces closer by his collar. 'Not skilled?! You call this not skilled?!' He yelled only louder at Treces' hollow stare coming to face him. 'Go on and do something before he burns them!'

From the edge of the roof, Taeslir cried out Liu’s name, but Trisse hindered him from moving closer.

As if heeding his call, Liu laughed quietly, the flames roaring and creeping closer. They rolled to their back, clutched their hand over their stomach, and stemmed their strength against their weight. With a colourless yell on their lips, they rose to their feet. 'Why aren't you attacking me head on, you bastard?'

They swayed once on their feet, but looked at Lax. A darkness dulling their eyes. 'Too afraid to touch me, huh? Oh, look at me, I'm so powerful! Look how scared I can make them be!'

They limped forward, blood dripping from their head from where Lax had hit them. They flinched as another of his blades struck them in the waist, but continued, 'I don't want to dirty my hands because I'm such a noble, little bitch!'

They tripped as Lax struck their knee, but laughed and threw their hands at him instead. With a laugh they jumped at him, 'Go on and kill me with your own hands, you fucking lying traitor!'

They froze as soon as they touched him. Claws stuck into their stomach, their own only ghostly tracing over Lax' collarbone.

A derogatory colour glinted in his eyes, but Liu’s face lit with a smile.

'Got ‘cha.'

They pushed their claws into Lax’ shoulders as a tremble spread over their entire body. He pushed them off, his face enlightened in a horrified spark, and they fell to their knees. They scratched over their tummy until their shirt was completely torn. On their stomach, a carved symbol glistened under the moonlight.

Treces' eyes widened to Lou's side, his voice in awe. 'Their combat spell!'

They jumped with Treces’ last word. Their eyes were completely black, and their veins brightened under their skin. Lax threw blades at them without mercy, split the entire plain above their heads in half, but not a single attack hit them.

Lou clutched Treces’ shirt again when he couldn’t follow their moves anymore. Too fast they jumped. He yelled as he pulled on him, ‘What spell? Treces! The one that’ll harm them if they can’t cancel it in time? How much time, Treces?!’

He managed to draw Treces’ eyes away from Liu’s attacks. His visible one had widened and jumped between Lou’s pupils. He eyed Lou’s grasp on him before he raised his hands and pulled him off him.

‘Don’t – don’t touch me! I’m – ‘

His fingers froze, cramping around thin air, when Lou pulled away himself. Lax had struck Liu across the face with the back of his hand. Their tumble granted him a hit at their left knee.

Lou watched them falling off to the side, a clawed hand stretching to the floor. Just before their weight dragged them down completely, they jumped into another attack and leapt forward. But they didn’t strike anywhere near Lax.

No thought adorned Lou’s hastened step forward. He only wanted to get someone to move. To get someone to help them.

He yelped when Treces grabbed his wrist from behind him, pulling him back behind the box. ‘Let go of me! Let me help!’

The second he plumped to the floor, he teared at the hand, slapping at whatever part of him he could reach. Treces’ strength didn’t yield against his touch, but as he reached for the bundled locks at his hidden eye, he froze, and Lou threw him against the wall. Glistening grey blinked through the messy blond strands, and he let go of Lou’s hand.

As Lou jumped into hasty muscles, he immediately jolted back up and forced him against the wall. ‘You’ll end up dead! What do you think you’re doing?!’

Lou jerked in his grip, but Treces pressed him against the wall. ‘If the boss doesn’t kill you, Liu will get you! They’ll slice through anything that passes their way in this state!’

‘That won’t matter anymore if he kills them!’

Lou whined against Treces fingers curling around his collarbone. Their ends were clawless, but Treces scratched at his skin in desperation. He hauled his fist into his shoulder, and clawed at his throat. ‘Will you let go of me?! I know I can’t do anything, but you can go and help them!’

‘I can’t.’

Lou’s gaze darkened. He kicked at Treces’ knee and made him fall over. In that startled second of dipping into his chest, he yanked them to their feet.

‘I don’t fucking care what you can and cannot do!’ He almost tore Treces’ shirt in half with the sheer strength he felt pulsing in his fingers. ‘First, you show me Deengar’s name on that damned knife and set all of this going, and now you don’t want to fucking help?! Get your ass out there!’

He pushed them out from their hiding spot, his hands on Treces’ shoulder blades, but they both froze as their glances fell.

Liu had flopped to the floor in front of Lax’ feet. Their arms were shaking as they stemmed them against the floor, but they couldn’t carry their own weight any longer. They could only raise their glance to Lax’ feet, behind which another stream of soldiers flooded in.

The guards aimed for Deengar and Radeel, keeping them from lending them their strength. The only reason why they didn’t attack Treces and Lou was that Lax issued to leave them alone with continuous orders and waves of his hand. And he couldn’t understand how Treces didn’t see the chance in that carelessness.

When Liu jumped at Lax again, their punch didn’t even reach him anymore. He effortlessly dodged and clasped his hands around their throat. Holding them down against the floor, veins appeared on his arm, and Liu struggled against his strength. A flame glistened in his eyes as he raised his hand.

It was a delicately slow gesture. His lips curled the longer he held it in place next to his head, savouring the blackness fading from Liu’s eyes.

Lou’s blood boiled when Treces pushed a step back, involuntarily following his lead before he realised what he was doing. He snapped at him with a push against his shoulders, ‘You’re kidding! Go and help them!’

He cried out his name when he pushed against his shoulder. ‘You wretched attempt of a double-edged traitor! They’re your friend! How can you not help – ‘

‘That’s not it!’ Treces teared from his grip and whirled around, his fist buried around Lou’s collar. ‘Do you think they wouldn’t have a plan when facing the boss without anyone being able to rescue them?!’

‘You can rescue them!’

‘I told you I can’t!’ His eyes brightened at his exclamation, his grey one completely whitening.

Lou tumbled at the change, a look of horror flashing over his face.

Lax hadn’t listened to them. He remained calm and collected, smiling as the glances on him turned more numerous at Treces’ exclamation. From the corner of his eye, he saw how Treces pushed Lou to the side again. He loosened the grip on Liu’s throat, wanting to see their eyes sparking with a last shred of hope before he’d pierce their skull.

Taeslir screamed for them from the other side of the roof, but quieted as Trisse kicked him toward the edge. Radeel yelled for Treces, but as soon as their glances struck, he needed to yield to a triplet of soldiers to his front.

Lax smiled more brightly the longer he held Liu in his grasp. At a final pained cry from Taeslir, he balled his hand.

Lou’s breath hitched as Liu went limp.

Treces threw him against the wall, but he slapped at the hand on his collar. ‘Why didn’t you –  why did they have to –‘

‘They’re fine!’

Lou froze.

Treces easily pulled him off the wall, allowing him to glance over the wooden box.

Lax’ gaze had dulled, and he was staring at his hand. He curled and stretched his fingers, his grasp on Liu’s throat slipping away.

A tremble coated their entire body, but they laughed as they dropped to the floor.

‘Don’t spoil my fun for me, Treces. I’ll come for your throat in just a bit.’ They hauled their glance at Lax, but flinched at their own rashness. ‘Did I suck you dry? My bad. Please forgive me.’

Lax’ glance finally glistened with emotion for the first time that night. He brushed the useless gesture at his hand off into his hair, grabbing some strands with cramped fingers. The tip of his sword clinked to the ground, and he hauled his gaze at Treces.

Lou spotted Treces’ lips trembling into a smile, his gaze remaining on Lax as he mumbled, ‘We discovered that we could use their spell’s negative effect for our advantage. They’d steadily drain their own energy the longer they tried to strengthen their body, but if we used that, they could also drain the energy of whomever touched them. Hadn’t the boss strengthened himself with the energy I extracted, he’d be down on his knees.’

Lax’ breathing lost its grip, and Treces tumbled a step. Forward. The knife glistened in his hand. He looked down to Liu, their strength barely keeping them on their knees.

Lou braced himself for seeing him jump at Lax, but Treces froze to his front. He cocked his head.

Lax’ sword had disappeared from his hand, and he holstered Liu up by the front of their shirt. Treces’ eyes widened, and the knife clattered to the floor.

His arms stretching into the air came too late.

Lax effortlessly hauled them toward them, and Lou flinched as their back crashed into the wall at the far end to his right. They cried out and plumped to the floor. Pulling their legs toward their chest, they coughed violently, their shaking hands gripping at their head.

Lou rushed from his spot and fell to his knees at their side. They were trying to curl in on themselves, but he pulled on their arm. A mix of black and red coloured their veins, their skin scraped wherever their blood flowed. They whimpered and trembled as Lou called for them.

Treces jumped to his side, but his fingers only ghosted over Liu, the knife back in his hand. He pushed it down on their stomach after he had rolled them over by their shoulder, and placed a cut over the symbol. It was blueish-black carving that Liu had inflicted on themselves.

Once the symbol broke, Liu gasped for breath.

Treces was trembling as he placed the knife in Lou’s hand, the ends of his fingers adorned with claws. Just as Lou heard the clink of a sword behind his back, Treces twirled around, throwing his arm over Lou’s head in an attempt of a shield. But the strike wasn’t meant for Lou.

Lax pinned him to the wall with his sword, the tip scratching the old, yielding wall.

Treces coughed, blood colouring his lips, and his clawed hand aimlessly scratched over Lax’ arm.

He was grinning at him before his glance dropped to Lou. Barely an armlength away, he tensed, his fingers aimlessly cramping around the knife.

He raised his eyebrow at Lou. ‘What did you say he was earlier? A double-edged traitor?’

He twisted his sword, and Treces cried. ‘I might just like that term.’

When he pulled it out, he immediately dropped to the floor and pressed his hand down on his wound.

Lax’ head turned in that disgusting puppet-like way, and Lou tightened his trembling grip on the knife. His laugh slithered over the roof before he raised his voice again. ‘Be patient for a second, yes? I’ll deal with you in the blink of an eye.’

He stepped back and twirled his sword in his hand.

Lou looked at him over his shoulder, and his eyes darkened. His hands unconsciously dug into the torn shirt on Liu’s waist. He felt his blood chill with too much heat flowing through his veins.

He had enough of Lax’ attitude of all this going according to plan. He wanted to see his desperate expression again. The one that had painted his face when he had realised what Liu’s reckless attacks had truly aimed for. He wouldn’t let him have his way with him again.

He wouldn’t let anyone ever have their way with him again.

He leapt to his feet, and pushed Lax away. His mien tightened with disgust at the easiness of it. A despicably jaunty smile rushed over Lax’ lips.

He grabbed the knife with both of his hands and pointed it at him.

Lax straightened, but Lou’ expression remained cold as the night. Even as Lax grinned at him with an idea of superiority, he forced his muscles to remain still; he didn’t need to fight him and win.

He only needed to buy time.

Chapter Text

Lou was trembling.

He heard Liu mumbling something incomprehensible. He listened to Treces swallowing his tears behind his back. He hearkened for Lax' silence.

He was eyeing him. With that disgusting look in his eyes.

Lou curled his fingers around the handle; they ached with the pressure.

Lax only chuckled lightly. 'What do you think you're doing?'

'What I’m doing?' Lou tried to copy his sound, but failed as his voice slipped. 'I thought you wanted me to put up a fight?'

'I want you to curl up and die.'

His eyes flared, and his sword tilted lightly as he changed his grip on it.

Lou felt his fingers slipping off the handle, his palms sweating. His teeth chattered.

The noise brightened Lax' mien.

Lou tried to brace himself as he saw the sword rising from the corner of his eye. 'So, you won't even grant me any last words?' He gulped. 'A last question?’

Lax squinted at him, flicking his wrist. He pointed the tip of his sword to his chest, but his eyes flamed with something like permission.

Lou trembled and fought against his glance wanting to drop. 'Has anyone ever asked you how you were feeling?'

Lax huffed quietly, his lips twitching to a smile. He lowered the blade and turned to the side. As he raised his glance to the stars, his eyes dulled.

'You're foolish,' he mumbled, 'all of you. Humanity. Vampires. Everyone. It's disgusting how everyone always feels the need to swarm around someone.'

He glanced back at Lou, and as he turned, his gaze darkened.

'You know – ' Lou’s hands trembled – 'maybe, you're right.'

A breath quivered in his throat as he smiled. 'Maybe, we are foolish. But someone like you could never grasp the beauty in something like that.’

He smiled and gripped harder at the handle.

'At least, I can experience something you can't, Laxseau.'

Lax squinted at Lou's use of his full name, but Lou smiled and remained silent

'Trust.'

He dropped the knife.

Lax' glance flickered after it, a dullness to his mien as it clattered on the floor. Before he could look back up, he was already pushed to the side.

Radeel had blood streaming down his arm; it oozed from a wound he had accepted by tearing away from a guard and coloured the rapier in his hand. As he raised it, Lax jumped, but he grabbed him by his shoulder and pushed him away from Lou. 'You won’t lay a single finger on him.'

He panted, but his eyes flared as he lunged at him. He managed to push him toward the other side of the roof, their blades clashing against each other.

'Lou!' Yppha yelled and appeared next to him. He grabbed him by his shoulders. 'Lou, are you alright?'

He nodded absentmindedly, staring at Deengar, who was leading most of the soldiers away from them.

Yppha pushed him against the wall right as he spotted one over his shoulder, but before he could’ve warned him, Yppha already hauled himself around. With his fist flowing toward their temple, Yppha knocked them out. As he assured himself that the rest had run to Deengar, he dragged them off to the boxes.

As he returned, he crouched down in front of Liu.

Their eyes were fluttering, but the wounds on their body had closed. He sighed and pushed his hair away from his face. It was bloodied at its roots.

'Lou, come here,' he asked and carefully raised Liu's head off the floor. He placed it on Lou's knees once he had sat down, but grabbed him by the collar, his eyes stinging. 'Don't ever do that again. No sacrificing. Understood?'

Lou didn't respond, he only lowered his head.

Yppha teared on his shirt once, but lowered his head with a sigh. He stood up and reached for Treces, helping him rise to his feet.

They tumbled to the wooden box they’d earlier used as a shield, and he pushed Treces down on it. When he grabbed him by the shoulders, he flinched and clenched his fingers over his wound. ‘What can we do for Liu?'

Treces eyed them for a second, but hissed as Yppha shook him carefully.  His cheek and nose twitched lightly as he choked out a response. 'They...they should be fine like this. We improved the formula; they'll heal once the spell is broken.'

Yppha eyed him, a glare in his irises.

'I'm absolutely certain,' Treces said and nodded.

He fell to the side when Yppha let go of him. However, just as he wanted to sprint back, he stopped him.

'You could give them some of your blood.' He gritted his teeth as he straightened. 'Vampiric blood, not his – ' his eyes flicked to Lou – '…not a single drop of his.'

Yppha rushed back to their side without answering him. He placed a small cut on his arm, and pulled Liu off Lou's lap. As they held them, he pressed it to their lips, but they barely gulped at the liquid, and Yppha pulled away again after a few seconds. Yet their skin tone seemed to strengthen a little again.

Yppha turned to Lou again. 'Don't leave their side. I should probably go and help Deengar again, he'll – '

'No, don't go, Yppha...,' Liu mumbled and clawed at his arm. Their fingers were trembling on his skin. 'Don't leave me alone as I leave this place.'

They coughed up some blood, but that seemed to help them.

'You won't go anywhere, stupid,' Yppha scolded them, but tenderly brushed their hair from their forehead. 'You'll stay right here.'

'But I want to follow the light.' They raised their trembling arm and pointed through a hole in the ceiling.

'That's the polestar, you idiot.'

Liu laughed at Yppha's response, but immediately coughed and flinched into another shiver. They flung their hand above their head. 'Okay, okay, go help him... – wait where did Treces go? I still wanted to skin him bit by bit...'

Lou's eyes widened at their words, and Yppha shook his head at them, but as they both looked to the wooden box, they found an empty spot, and a bloody trail on the wall. Yppha patted them on the head once more before he jumped and aided Deengar, and Lou quickly placed his hand on their head, his lips quivering with worry.

'I'll be fine,' Liu responded to the tremble on their forehead. 'Something's...probably broken, but it'll be fine.... it'll be fine...'

They turned their head, and their eyes flickered for a second as they followed Radeel’s and Lax' moves. As they hissed and pressed their hand to their temple, they closed them.

'Hey, Lou,' they whispered and wrapped their fingers around his hand. They pulled it to their chest. 'Are the guards getting less?'

Lou's glance rose at their question. Yppha and Deengar were dealing with most of them. Everyone shunned away from Radeel and Lax, and Trisse was enough to keep Taeslir busy. Some were still lying on the floor, unconscious, but even those had reduced. Even the guard Yppha had dragged to the side earlier had disappeared, as someone had pulled them inside.

He glanced back down to Liu. 'Yes. Yes, I think they reduced.'

Liu smiled as he combed through their hair again. 'Yeah, sun's coming up too after all.'

They closed their eyes and hummed briefly.

Lou quickly glanced over his shoulder, looking east. His glance was fortunately blocked by the wall, but everyone else wasn't in such a lucky spot. He just hoped they'd finish this before anyone suffered a burn.

As if he had smelled it, Trisse suddenly yelled Taeslir's name. 'I'll make sure to torture you once you're down if you try and kick my leg another fucking time!'

She leaped at him, and he doged, but she caught him by the throat and threw him off his feet. He yelped as she fell over him, her nails scratching at his face and throat. His hands helplessly stemmed against it.

Just as he kicked at her again, she had to move to the side and hide her leg, and he threw her off. She rolled over several times, but rose to her feet with her claws scratching marks at the floor.

Taeslir was panting heavily as he dodged another time, his own strikes too slow. She almost dodged as quickly as Liu, jumping from one spot to the next, appearing behind him when he had just thought to grasp her to his front.

As she landed increasingly less hits on him as well, she grew tired of their endless back and forth and retreated a few steps. Taeslir lunged after her, but she moved to the side and grabbed him by the collar. As she threw him off his feet, she aimed for the edge of the rooftop.

He stopped just in front of it, but instead of swirling around, he rushed for a guard who was lying next to him. Trisse jumped at him before he could've grabbed the knife shining from his hip.

He hissed as she threw her claws into his leg, but scratched at her hand and got her to yield. Performing his own throw, she slid off to the corner of the roof.

As she pulled herself up, Taeslir tore off the rope that was slung around the guard’s upper body. He had uselessly picked it up earlier as he had wanted to capture them again.

Trisse tumbled a little once she was one her feet. 'So, that's the game we want to play now? See who'll throw the other off the roof first?'

Taeslir's glance snapped at her, but he flinched as he tried to jump to his feet. Blood streamed down his leg.

'My, my, doesn't look like the stars are on your side tonight.' She clicked her tongue and strolled away from the edge.

She eyed him as he crawled to his feet, her hands behind her back, her glance one of boredom. She didn't seem to care about the rope in his hand. Instead, she leaned forward and bowed, her sword appearing in her hand.

She looked up at him without changing her stance. 'I'll put an end to this now, yeah?'

She pushed her leg farther behind her, her sword stretching along the length of her arm, and prepared to leap out.

Taeslir's lips twitched, but she didn't see him. She only heard the smile in his voice as he called for Deengar, but she had already sprinted off.

Once Deengar cocked his head at him, Taeslir threw the knife in his hand toward him. The rope he had attacked to his sliced through the air, and Deengar instinctively caught it.

Some guard sliced at his arm, but Yppha quickly shielded him.

Just then, Taeslir tipped his head to the side, a smile on his lips, and let himself fall off the building. Just before Trisse cut through him, he disappeared beneath the ledge.

Panic flared in Deengar's eyes as the rope tightened, and he stemmed his entire weight against it.

Trisse eyed it sceptically as it spun across the floor right next to her ankle. However, before she could've thought about cutting it, Taeslir's hand shot up from under her feet, and claws sliced open the mark on her injured leg.

She yelped in pain and fell to her knees, her leg turning a dark shade of purple.

Taeslir jumped up the wall, and she raised his head at him. The rope slung around his arm, but fell loosely to the floor now. His smile dropped as he kicked against her side, sending her tumbling over the edge.

She yelled something as she fell, but only briefly attracted Lax' gaze; he froze for a second before he countered another of Radeel's strikes.

Taeslir immediately fell to the floor when her yell had silenced. The rope slipped from his arm, and he stemmed his hands against the floor. His eyes lit when Deengar pulled on his shoulders, holding him upright, and his voice was a thrill in the dead night, 'Did you see that?! I can't believe that even – '

'Are you out of your fucking mind?!'

He froze as Deengar squeezed his arms.

'You could've died! What the fuck is wrong with you?!'

Tears glistened in his irises before he pulled Taeslir into a hug. 'Fuck, you're so stupid! So fucking stupid!'

His breath hitched against Taeslir's neck, but he quickly moved away and wiped his sleeve over his eyes. (Before he did so, he pulled to his feet and turned away. Taeslir silently smiled to himself.)

Just as he wanted to return to Yppha's side, horror flashed through the eyes of the remaining soldiers. They had kept going as Trisse had fallen, but as she didn't magically return, they lowered their weapons. Yppha was standing in the middle of a group who eyed the spot they had last seen her at.

When they realised, they fled the scene.

Yppha was still standing at his spot, his hands still in front of him with claws on their tips. He watched as they disappeared, each and everyone pulling the ones they’d knocked down with them. He silently smiled to himself as he straightened.

Lou cocked his head as Taeslir plumped to his side. Deengar’s fingers clung to his arm as he slid to his knees, their touches only reluctantly parting.

He touched Liu on the shoulder, and they stirred in Lou’s lap, but he couldn’t hold them down. With a shiver, they leaned back against the wall beside Lou, their head hitting it with a bang that made all of them flinch. They smiled and raised their hand, holding out to Taeslir as if he was supposed to kiss it. However, he only wrapped his hands around their arm, slinging around them like a snake.

Their strength immediately ceased against his touch.

‘You’re hanging around with me too much,’ they breathed, their fingers twitching aimlessly. ‘Don’t do such stupid shit.’

They smiled tiredly, and Taeslir shook his head.

‘Laxseau!’

Everyone turned at Radeel’s voice. They both had halted to each other’s fronts. Their panting competed against each other.

The sword in Radeel’s hand disappeared, and he threw his hand into the air. No definite gestured touched it, but it sparked with the thrill of his voice. ‘Put an end to this! Where do you think this’ll still lead?!’

No one dared to breathe as Lax remained silent, his hand on his thigh, his sword wobbly in his hand. A laughed strained his bloody lips, but hardly a breath stuck to the noise. He straightened and gripped tighter around the handle.

‘Where’s this supposed to lead?’ he chuckled, and his eyes flared before he lunged at Radeel. As he dodged, his sword struck the floor, and he glanced over his shoulder to where Radeel had jumped.

He was still smiling.

‘This will go into whichever direction I desire, Radeel.’

He swung his blade at him again, and Radeel hissed as it grazed his upper arm. When he jumped back, the scratch had already healed.

Despite Lax plunging at him several more times, Radeel didn’t bring out his weapon anymore. He dodged and lost his breath as he tried to talk sense into him. ‘Stop it! Everyone left! Even if you cut me down, you’d have to fight all of them – ‘ his hand shot toward where they were standing, but he jumped and retreated it as Lax aimed to strike it down – ‘Laxseau, stop! Maybe, we can work something – ‘

‘Shut up!’

He was trembling as his sword flung through empty space another time. However, his smile was glued to his face as he straightened. As if he couldn’t have let go of it. At no cost.

‘I don’t want your words.’

Radeel’s lips quivered as he looked at him. His voice wasn’t above a whisper anymore. ‘You can still save this…– you can still save Trisse! A fall from here shouldn’t have killed her! If we get to her before the sun –‘

He fell silent as he ducked and caught Lax’ fist next to his face. His fingers were trembling around his wrist, but they slid off as Lax tried to stab him, and he jumped back, distancing himself.

‘Laxseau, I’m sure she’s still –‘

‘She’d better not be.’

He forced Radeel into a step by taking one of his own. His sword flashed as he twisted his wrist. ‘I’d make her regret it. Can’t even fight an injured, mixed-blooded vampire.’

Radeel’s mien stilled, and he tumbled back another step.

Everyone else frowned.

They’d never used that term. It had disappeared from any records about a hundred years ago, back when the vampire regime had been striving toward its peak. Ever since then, the only differentiation between vampires were ones of support and ones who dissented.

Lax smiled to himself. He hadn’t used the term in over a century either. The gesture somehow made his stance straighten; his eyes flaming up again.

However, Radeel’s gaze darkened. He didn’t retreat as Lax jumped at him again. Instead, he deflected his strike, bore his claws into his shoulder, and threw them to the floor. The sword clattered to the floor as he pinned down Lax’ dominant hand.

His eyes flared.

‘How can you say that?!’

Yppha flinched to Lou’s front, but Radeel didn’t move as Lax slipped from one of his grips and scratched at his shoulder. He only yelled louder. ‘I’d give everything to see my sister again! And you…– you just let her die?!’

Lax smiled and dropped his hand.

He clicked his tongue. ‘You should’ve trained more if you had loved her this much. Maybe, your dad would’ve sent her to the basement. Do you think she’d also be fighting me right now?’

His eyes glistened, and Radeel punched him. His hand trembled, an ache in his knuckles, but, Lax didn’t even flinch. He only secretively slithered his hand toward Radeel’s stomach.

Radeel’s eyes widened as he realised what he was trying to do. He jumped off him and evaded his claws. Lax huffed, but pushed to his feet.

Radeel sniffed. It was like a continuous twitch over his nose, his eyes averting themselves in a flutter. He couldn’t look at him as he straightened once more.

Just as Yppha and Deengar jumped into a step to his back, he flashed out of it and raised his hand. It trembled before he pointed it to the floor behind his back, his voice in a frenzy. ‘You’ll stay right there…. Please…don’t – please don’t interfere.’

Deengar needed to grab Yppha’s arm, holding him back from chasing toward the creak in Radeel’s voice. They watched how his hand balled to a fist next to his head.

When the grip loosened, his sabre appeared in his hand. It was hardly visible under the low shine of the lanterns, and it fully absorbed the sad moonlight.

Lax eyed it for a second, but his glance darted to Radeel as he felt his lips twitching. ‘Come on, then. Show me what I taught you.’

Radeel’s breath hitched at his words, but he lunged for him. Their swords clashing.

Deengar and Yppha hastened back to Lou and the other two, the radius of Radeel’s and Lax’ dodges widening. They fled the sharp edges of the swords and stared at the sheer anger in their plunges.

Lou could barely follow them with his eyes. He only ever caught a step to the side, to the back, or a plunge forward, backward.

A cry, a duck, a swing.

Radeel’s attacks were less coordinated like this. His chest heaved with a knot he couldn’t disentangle. His swings held a desperation, a fierce reminder of Lax’ words; he didn’t strike him even once. As if they screamed at him that Lax would know where his step would go still before Radeel had even understood his current one.

Lou’s breathed faltered as he realised, his lips wounded with bite marks. He teared on Deengar’s arm, but didn’t get him to avert his glance. ‘You’ve got to help him! Even if he said you shouldn’t, we can’t just watch!’

Deengar’s head suddenly started snapping mechanically. To the right, then to the left. As if his muscles were malfunctioning like the string of a defective doll. He didn’t respond.

‘Lou,’ Taeslir whispered his name and choked the words in Lou’s throat right at the tip of his tongue. ‘Do you see where they’re jumping?’

‘No, of course not! Why are you even asking me such – ‘

‘We don’t either.’

He froze, his lips agape, and sunk back to his knees.

He gulped before he raised his glance again. Not only didn’t he catch their figures moving, but whenever he thought to spot a silhouette at one edge of the roof, they flashed into view at the other. They didn’t halt once to catch their breath, seemingly never running out of them unlike everyone else.

He saw Taeslir losing it as he clawed at the wall next to his head. He had risen to one knee, and his glance constantly fell over his shoulder toward the eastern horizon.

He felt Liu’s faltering as they squeezed his knee, their own not wanting to bend.

Yppha couldn’t hold it inside of him anymore as he clung to Deengar’s arm.

Deengar didn’t respond to the touch as his head jerked between the uncatchable silhouettes. His own throat filled with a choke whenever his eyes wanted to fall in defeat.

Lou jumped as Radeel suddenly collapsed to Lax’ side. He barely managed to roll out from under Lax’ strike to the floor. Lax’ head cocked as he saw him straightening from the corner of his eye. Pulling the sword from the floor, he retreated a step. They’d finally noticed the heaves on their chests.

‘Why, why…why, Laxseau,’ Radeel choked out, brushing his hair from his face. It immediately fell over his forehead again. ‘We all cared about you –…no one ever doubted anything you created…we just wanted improvement. We all saw you as a – ‘

He wasn’t trying to convince Lax anymore. Neither so himself. His words were a thoughtless mumble to himself. A cry from within his soul.

But Lax snapped at him. ‘Oh, please! Can’t you stop shoving your emotions down everyone’s throat?’

He choked on his own pants and lowered his voice. Something glistened in his eyes. Something shook in his throat. ‘Can’t you just shut up when I tell you to?’

He lunged at him again, and Radeel grasped his sword anew.

Liu whimpered quietly to Lou’s side. When he glanced at them, they scratched over their throat as if the noise had hurt them. ‘Why…why won’t he listen?’

‘Hey, hey, easy.’ Taeslir rushed to their side and touched their shoulder. ‘Don’t think about it. Hey, Liu… – he’s too narrow-minded, too arrogant, don’t think about it. Focus on here.’

He cupped their cheek as their eyes fluttered shut.

Lou felt his breath burning in his throat. It fled him all on its own. ‘No, he’s scared…–  

‘But he isn’t anywhere near defeat.‘

‘…of admitting he’s flawed.’

Taeslir fell silent. Lou just so caught his mien saddening before he lowered his head to Liu’s scarred stomach.

‘What’s Radeel doing?’ It was Deengar’s breathless voice.

His head didn’t jerk that quickly anymore; they had slowed down.

Radeel forced Lax to slow down.

His steps flew over the floor as his figure twirled out of the way, his sword gliding after him like a flattering piece of garment. His mien lightened with the faintest idea of amusement.

Deengar turned to Yppha and repeated himself, ‘What’s he doing? Where’s he even placing his weight, his feet, just everything?’

Yppha looked just as clueless as his lacking fighting experience left to except, but even Taeslir’s eyes had widened as he glanced at Radeel’s steps.

Falling rhythmically. A layer of grace on his soles.

Lou’s eyes sparkled, and his voice hollered proudly in his chest. ‘He’s trying to…dance. He wants to achieve what he had always longed to feel in a fight.’

Never had anyone’s eyes on him mattered as little as right now. Right now, as he was staring at Radeel’s twirls and turns. His chin pulled after him ever so effortlessly. He bent like someone leading their partner, his eyes shining with the idea of a waltz. The softness of his slashes were like partner-switches on a ball.

Lou’s stare dropped to the floor as Taeslir pulled on him. Deengar did the same on Yppha’s arm.

They rushed away from the golden film that was stretching itself across the floor like a lurking predator, and Taeslir’s voice rang out to Radeel.

He flinched as Radeel turned to him.

Lax used his distraction and threw him right toward the enlightened area. He only caught himself because his glance dropped over his shoulder.

He missed a step as he tumbled back, evading Lax’ jump for him. His breathing had rejuvenated within his chest; it seemed and felt like a welcomed rush of his blood. Like the one after leaving the trance of an imaginative dance.

Lax couldn’t keep his lips from quivering anymore. His back had slumped, and his chest hurt if he tried to straighten. He barely managed to dodge Radeel’s attempt at pushing him toward the light.

Just as he side-stepped, he caught Radeel by the chest, his hand trembling around the handle of his blade. It slipped from his grasp ever so slightly. ‘What did you say earlier? Please put an end to this?’

He stepped back at Radeel’s claws creeping to his chest, and his back just so brushed the thin line between safety and sunshine.

He smiled, his hands slithering into the pocket on his pants. A tear glistened in his eyes. ‘Please, Radeel. Do it properly.’

Radeel sobbed, his blade trembling under whitened knuckles.

He jumped as Lax raised his hand and pushed one hand toward his wrist.

His sword through his heart.

The four tiny blades slipped from between Lax’ fingers. They clattered to the floor as he coughed red against Radeel’s shoulder.

His hand twitched in Radeel’s grasp.

He breathed against his throat, tumbling into him. The sound joined Radeel’s tearful sob but he chuckled as his eyes fluttered.

‘At least, I was right about one thing.’

Radeel tensed as he pushed his palm against his chest. His grip slipped from his blade, and Lax tumbled.

He looked east as he stepped over the thin line on the floor, and his face turned into an ashen-grey. Just as he gritted his teeth, his lips twitched one last time.

His arm jolted forward. His claws grasped Radeel’s arm.

He pulled him into the sun, but Radeel pulled away against the little strength still in his arms. As the touch on him faded, he fell over. His back hit the floor, and his body pulverised like he’d only ever been ash and dust. Radeel’s sabre lifelessly clattered against the floor.

Just then, they heard Radeel’s scream.

He gripped at his arm.

Everyone jumped at him; even Liu found some strength in their legs again at the devastating noise. However, he had already fallen to the floor when they reached him.

They pulled him away from the sun as Lou jumped to his own feet. His arm was twitching on the floor. Like it was a being of itself, it jerked as some grey film travelled up his skin. As if it rooted, leave-like marks spread under his skin.

Radeel bit down on his lip as he forcibly shut his eyes. His cries turned duller.

Yppha yelled and pulled on Liu’s shoulder, ‘Do something, do something! What can we do?! Radeel, what can we do?!’

His glance snapped at Radeel, but he only choked on his own breath, his face twitching. The roots already touched his biceps.

He jerked back to Liu, but their hands only trembled over Radeel’s arm. ‘I don’t know what that is! Lax touched him, and then he – ‘

They touched Radeel’s arm, but immediately pulled back as their soft brush peeled off his skin. It flaked off like a worn tapestry. ‘It’s…it’s decaying.’

Radeel clasped his hand around his shoulder. His claws digging into him.

‘Guys…’

Everyone jumped at his voice.

He whizzed and clawed at his shoulder. ‘Look…look after each other –…and Lou, okay?’

‘Shut up, shut up!’ Yppha screamed and pounded his fists down on his chest. ‘We’ll do something! We’ll…we…’

His words turned into a sob.

Lou’s hands were trembling, even as he clenched them around every piece of clothing he had on him. Something yelled in his head, and he answered with a jump back to the wall. He picked up Treces’ knife and ran back to Radeel’s side.

Pushing Liu and Yppha aside, he cut his own arm and pressed it against Radeel’s lips. Startled, they immediately grabbed him by the shoulders and arms, but everyone flinched into frozen muscles as Radeel jolted up.

He grabbed Lou’s arm with his uninjured hand, bending by his abdomen.

Lou whimpered and clenched his fist, and Taeslir and Yppha screamed for him, trying to pull him away.

However, he slapped at them and shook his head.

‘Let go! Let go,’ his voice was a cry, but he managed to scratch Yppha’s arm bloody as he teared at their hands. ‘I said don’t fucking touch me!’

He hauled closer to Radeel, stemming his other hand against his hip, climbing over him. His arm was shaking and felt freezing cold, but he pressed closer. He pushed his arm against his lips until his other gave out.

He collapsed on Radeel’s shoulder, his body going limb, and as the strength left his arm, Radeel’s fangs slipped out of him.

He coughed and turned to the side, Lou slipping off him and into Yppha’s arms. He stemmed his hands against the floor and coughed up some greenish, viscous liquid. His eyes widened in a lack of air as he eyed it.

Deengar pulled him up, and only as their eyes locked, his pupils seemed to shrink again. He was still trembling, but his chest was rising normally.

The marks on him had stopped spreading.

‘Radeel…’

He turned at Yppha’s cry. He had Lou in his lap, his hands on his skull and neck. ‘He’s got no pulse.’

The tremble in Radeel’s muscles stopped. Like it had never existed.

He couldn’t move as Liu jumped to Yppha’s side, stroking over Lou’s forehead. They cupped his cheek with their hand and shook him by the shoulder with their other.

He felt his breathing quicken.

Failing.

Dying.

He snapped out of it with a blink of his eyes. His irises were twitching as he pushed Liu off to the side.

He held his arm toward them. ‘Give me your energy.’

Liu’s eyes widened, but they tremblingly scratched a symbol on Radeel’s wrist and cupped their hand over it. As they started mumbling something under their breath, the symbol apepared on the back of their hand.

He teared open Lou’s shirt and placed two of his claws right on top of his heart. ‘You’ll tell no one I ever did this.’

He started chanting something under his breath, his voice suddenly turning deeper. It vibrated in his throat, and his claws started glowing in a dark red, the veins in his arm turning darker.

Pushing those fingertips into Lou, Radeel flinched as if a twizzle shot through his entire body. He gritted his teeth, but continued his chant under hisses and shakes of his head.

He was crying. Salty droplets staining Lou’s skin.

The noise died as Lou coughed. A shiver ran over his body, and he whined as he tried to turn to the side. Yppha held him in place.

Radeel yelled at him, ‘Lou! Lou, hey, listen…– listen…’

His own shaky laugh interrupted him as he couldn’t stop his lips from quivering. He hissed and jerked in Liu’s grip.

Taeslir immediately rushed to Liu’s free arm, and they connected their hands with another symbol.

‘Radeel…you,’ Lou whispered and failed to run his tongue over his lips. His expression painfully twisted into what he probably intended to be a smile, ‘it worked…’

‘Lou, listen! Please, I can’t do this for long! We – ‘

Lou ignored him as his head slipped off Yppha’s thigh. He looked past Radeel. ‘Sorry, Liu…I didn’t mean to look through your books.’

Liu’s eyes widened in confusion, but they shook their head as Lou’s glance didn’t leave them. His glance only flickered when Radeel called for him again.

‘Please! Please, Lou, let me turn you!’ His whole arm was shaking, and Lou hissed as he stirred inside of his chest. ‘I can’t – I can’t…– you can’t die! Please, you need to agree! I need your consent for turning you!’

Lou’s lips quivered with something that resembled a chuckle, but his face dropped to the side again.

Radeel couldn’t stop saying his name. If he’d leave them another time, he couldn’t save him.

His eyes widened as Lou laughed.

‘So…so, all I’d have to – ’ he chuckled, but choked on the noise. As he failed to turn his head, Yppha helped him. ‘All I’d have to say is ‘yes, Radeel’?’

Radeel whimpered into a weak laugh. He tried to nod. ‘Yes, yes, Lou. Please…please just agree.’

Lou sighed, or simply exhaled, and his head dipped to the side. He raised his hand, a smile on his lips.

However, just as his fingertips brushed over Radeel’s arm, his strength ceased.

His hand fell to the floor, his fingers stiff, and his vision blurred.

Chapter Text

2 months later

Since their troupe had been classified as traitors, the vampire regime had been thrown into chaos still before they returned to the mansion. However, as the message of the boss’ death accompanied their appearance, the situation had only turned more drastic. Nobody had believed their eyes and ears at first; only when Treces had followed in their wake had they taken Radeel's words for the truth.

Once they'd managed to dissect the rumours of what had truly been happening for all these years, they had set their original plan going. If it had helped with overcoming the memories of that dead, terrifying night, Radeel could not tell.

The others had noticed how he was repressing glimpses of a dead body – of losing someone – but none of them had really talked through to him yet. He'd been too busy (had made himself too busy) with his work.

Despite that, they'd made some progress, Radeel mused. He just came back from a discussion of another construction project. The voices downstairs had been a turmoil of architectural opinions, views, and ideas, which he didn’t understand; he couldn’t help but sigh quietly as he closed the door to his room.

His hand was shaking on the handle.

As he turned around, his lips twitched in response to an extinguished candle. On a tiny table. He had convinced Yppha to give him one of his finest cloths to cover the table. It was a beautiful, yellow fabric.

In that night, his thoughts had been elsewhere, and he hadn't grabbed anything that he could've memorated; he had only placed a tiny book on it.

He took a box of matches from the drawer at his desk, knelt before the little shrine, and lit a new candle. Watching the flicker of the flame for a moment, he found his tongue tied at its base, a detestable knot he had felt ever since that day. The flame looked so desolate, swaying with nothing but his faint breath.

His lips curled a little as he heard the faint knock on his door, but he didn't answer. The lock clicked open all by itself, and he turned around at the calm voice. 'Sorry, Radeel, but Yppha's requested your... what are you... – oh my god, will you finally stop acting like I died?! Why are you even still doing this?'

Radeel’s expression softened. He couldn't keep himself from smiling as Lou's knuckles whitened around the papers he was holding. Standing up with a soft puff in his throat, he leaned against the counter of his desk. He smiled at him as he crossed his arms.' But some part of you did die that day. We just don’t know which one yet.'

His lips quivered as Lou's eyes widened even farther. Silencing his chuckle by raising his hand to his lips, he reached for the papers, but Lou yanked them away from him. They crumpled a little at his hip.

'What if someone saw this? That'd be embarrassing!'

'For me or for you?'

The new colour of Lou's irises flared, but he teared away his glance with a huff. In a quick step, he dropped the papers to the desk and stormed out of the room so that Radeel only heard him complaining about his behaviour to someone in the hallway.

As the sound of Lou’s footsteps quieted, he curled his fingers around his elbows, and his expression dimmed. He inhaled softly, and his lips only still bent with something prone to ache in his chest. His glance fell back on the candle; a small sea of wax had already formed around the wick. It shimmered softly and enlightened the book.

Everyone had laughed at him saying he'd build a shrine for Lou’s humanness. No one knew that the book had been one of Lax' favourites.

He exhaled into a softer smile and lowered his glance to the carpet under his feet. Picking up the papers, he exited his room, his feet carrying him out of their flat and downstairs. He had enough people to take care of, enough people to light up his expression, not his memories.