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It was an erroneous assumption among the new recruits that Barnes would hate the labs. Because the labs were clearly his favorite place on the Compound. There was nowhere else in the rebuilt Compound that he was more likely to be.
He had an easy rapport with Banner, who enlisted Barnes’s help in pushing buttons and levers.
But it was Foster’s lab where he could always be found. The chaotic and freewheeling nature of that environment must have appealed to him. Along with Jane’s determination to treat him like everyone else and Darcy’s audaciousness, of course.
Christine had heard him laugh and shout and even break into song once. But only in the confines of Foster’s lab was that possible.
No, it was wrong to assume he would hate the labs. But he clearly feared Medical. He feared the nurses, even Temple, who was unbelievably kind. And more than anyone, he seemed to fear Christine. The first time she treated one of his injuries she’d gone home and cried for three days.
He sat on the cot with his feet stretched out in front of him. The back was up so he could have leaned back against the pillows, but he held himself ramrod straight.
His face was blank and expressionless, except for his eyes. His eyes betrayed him. They darted around and his pupils were dilated. He was terrified. He obviously wanted to be anywhere else.
The alarms kept going off on the monitors. Christine looked up from the stab wound she was treating to his vitals. His heart rate was in the high 80s. If his blood pressure was nose-diving it would be because of fluid loss. But it was high. This was fear. Just in case, she asked, “Claire, can you…?”
Christine’s voice sounded like a shout, no matter how quiet she had asked. The staff was all so quiet while treating Barnes, so as not to startle him. The room was almost an echo chamber, with no noise except the monitors.
Anticipating her request, Claire had already grabbed a thermometer and asked, “Bucky? Can I get a quick temp?”
He passively opened his mouth and allowed Claire to insert the thermometer under his tongue.
Christine looked up at his eyes, brimming with unshed tears, and she felt her own heart break.
“What are you thinking about, Christine?”
Stephen looked at her from across the booth at the little deli that was not terribly far from the Compound. She didn’t know it, but he had been watching her pick at her food for a good ten minutes.
“It’s nothing,” she muttered.
“Hmm,” He murmured in that way of his that really meant so much more.
“Did I make a mistake?”
“You’re going to have to be more specific, Christine. I’m not a mind reader.”
“Aren’t you?” She sassed.
“Not technically. But then again…I do know you. Quite well. Soooo I’m guessing that you are wondering if you made a mistake in coming up here to care for the Avengers instead of staying in the city.”
They sat in silence for a minute, while Christine stirred her milkshake absently.
“Barnes?” Stephen asked with a little knowing head tilt.
“You know, when you’ve gotten to the point where you can read my mind, it means we’ve been friends too long.”
“You need to…”
“Go easy on him,” they said together.
“I know,” she finished. “I’m trying. But every time I treat him, I feel like a monster. He’s so…”
She didn’t know how to finish the sentence. Afraid? Yes. He was palpably afraid. Stoic? That wasn’t the right way to describe it either. Heartbreaking. That was the word.
“I think I’m just going to go back to New York,” she told Stephen.
“You’re quitting? That’s not like you,” he mused.
“I’m a healer, Stephen. And I don’t feel like I’m healing people.” She stabbed her straw repeatedly into her milkshake.
“The Avengers aren’t people?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“If you consider the transitive property, you actually save more lives by being the Avengers’ doctor.”
“Really? The transitive property?”
“The Avengers save hundreds if not thousands of lives, and you save the Avengers. Therefore…”
She interrupted him again, “It’s just…I feel like I’m doing more harm than good.”
“Talk to Sam,” Stephen suggested. “If anyone has insight into the psyche of one James Barnes, then it’s Sam.”
“Sam, please,” Christine asked again.
“Under no circumstances,” he shot back.
Christine had chased down Wilson to get access to the files from the Winter Soldier program. As team leader he had authority over who was able to view those records. She could have probably found them on the Dark Web if she had known what that was or how to get there. But she didn’t, so that left begging Sam.
“I’m trying to help him, Sam.”
“You aren’t his therapist, Dr. Palmer.”
“Look, I know that you’re protective of him….”
“Under no circumstances,” he repeated.
They were walking by Foster’s lab and their conversation was interrupted by a small explosion, a shower of sparks, and three people laughing. Through the glass, they could see Darcy and Bucky laughing at whatever disaster Foster had created.
“See? He’s fine, Dr. Palmer.”
Sam stalked off, but Christine lingered. When Barnes looked up and saw her through the glass, the smile faded from his face. The sparkle faded from his eyes. He looked down at the floor like he’d been caught doing something wrong.
He did that nearly every time she saw him outside of Medical.
He’d meet her eyes briefly and then they’d drop to the floor. At first, he could hide behind a curtain of hair. But after a few months, he cut it. And nothing hid his frown from her. Nothing was there to hide the clenching of his jaw, or the way his Adam’s apple moved up and down when he swallowed hard. Nothing hid that little divot between his eyes that showed up when he frowned. Nothing hid his apparent disdain for her.
Darcy could reach up and muss his hair, making him smile. Jane could take his hand and drag him around like a child. Wanda Maximoff could curl up around him when they sat side by side.
Christine was starting to feel very envious of them all.
They moved efficiently.
Quiet and calm.
The gunshot wound was through and through. It pierced just above his right clavicle. With his healing, it would be better in a day or two. But it needed to be cleaned so it wouldn’t become infected.
Barnes was pale and clammy. If Christine didn’t know better, she’d swear he was in shock.
She almost wished it was. Shock was something she knew how to treat.
Quiet and calm, she reminded herself.
His left fist clenched the sheets on the cot. Otherwise, he was passive. Blank.
Christine blinked away tears as she worked. Suturing the wound twice, to keep it closed while allowing it to drain. The muscles in his back twitched as she worked. And that fist kept clenching and unclenching.
In the doorway, she saw Sam Wilson looking at them both.
“Okay, I think we’re…”
She barely finished the sentence before Barnes was off the cot and out the door.
“….good.”
Sam followed in his wake, but not before he gave Christine a small nod of acknowledgment.
The flash drive Sam gave her was plugged into her laptop.
Christine watched in horror. Hydra was relentless in their torture of Bucky. They never seemed to use any kind of pain control as they ripped and cut at him. They expected passive compliance from him. Absolute submission or they would beat him, electrocute him…
She found herself leaning over her toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach.
She’d been so wrong.
Quiet and calm? It was the absolute worst thing she could be.
When she and the nurses moved around Barnes, they moved just like the monsters that poked and prodded him on the video. They moved like he was just a thing. Or like a bomb that could explode at any moment.
“Oh, Barnes, I’m so sorry,” she said to the empty apartment.
The new nurse sighed in frustration, “I can’t get this IV in. Should I try the other arm?”
Bucky blinked a few times. Claire’s eyes were widened in horror. Christine shrugged and lightly advised, “Go for it. Let me know how it works out for you.”
Finally, she got an expression out of him. She winked at Bucky’s disbelieving face before returning to the sutures on his thigh.
“Oh shit,” the new nurse muttered. “I’m so sorry.”
Bucky shrugged ever so slightly and murmured, “S’okay.”
“I think Sergeant Barnes can get by with ORS, Emily. No harm, no foul,” Christine assured the new nurse, who had actually proven quite competent thus far.
His voice was very quiet, a low rumble that would have been difficult to make out if her ear hadn’t been mere inches from his lips.
“What’s ORS?”
“It’s fancy doctor-speak for Gatorade.”
Bucky scrunched his nose, “Stuff is awful.”
“I agree,” Christine snipped the suture and smiled at him. He looked slightly shocked by her expression. “You don’t have to drink it. But drink plenty of some kind of fluid and…”
She went to the supply cart and offered him a green lollipop.
“This is for being such a good patient.”
He took the candy and his face softened even more. He still left in a hurry but offered a quiet, “Thanks Doc.”
The next time Sam and Bucky came home from a mission it was Sam that needed to spend time on the cot. Christine was surprised that Bucky came with him, leaning against the door frame and gently teasing his teammate.
Sam was facedown on the cot while Christine removed the projectiles from his gluteus maximus.
She had a privacy screen up, so she couldn’t see Bucky’s face as he commented, “I can’t believe you got hit with birdshot.”
“Shuddup, Barnes.”
“That’s ironic, actually,” Christine mused with a smile.
Barnes barked out a laugh and then winked at her when she peeked around the curtain and smiled his way.
As she returned to her work, Bucky asked, “You coming to dinner tonight, Doc?”
Christine stopped briefly, in surprise at the invitation, “I thought those were just for the team. I’m just support staff.”
“You’re part of the team,” he offered.
Sam agreed, “Yeah, Darcy, Foster, Claire… they all come.”
Christine smiled softly to herself and agreed, “I’ll be there.”
It was Sam who offered a simple, “Good.”
She pulled off her gloves with a snap and said, “Okay Sam. You’re all set. The lidocaine is gonna wear off soon, so start up some ibuprofen right away.”
With the privacy curtain down she could see Bucky’s grin. It was wide and real. He looked adorably mischievous. “So he can’t feel…?”
She smiled widely as she admitted, “His ass is completely numb.”
Barnes laughed again.
Sam hid his smile when he grumbled, “I hate you, Barnes.”
“Not my fault your ass was hanging out from behind your wings.”
Christine hated that they were leaving. She enjoyed their company. “Wait, your lollipop.”
She grabbed the candy from the storage cart and smiled as Bucky unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth.
“Thanks, Doc,” his voice was full of tenderness. Christine would be lying if she said it didn’t affect her.
Sam grumbled again, “Don’t I get a lollipop?”
“Why would you get a lollipop?” Bucky teased.
“Because I was the patient!”
With mock seriousness, she held out an array for Sam to choose from, “Red, orange or green?”
“Red. Thanks, Doctor Palmer.”
Bucky turned and offered her a quick smile when they walked down the hall away from the treatment room.
A few days later, he knocked gently on the doorframe of her open office door.
“Doc? I think I need your help.”
She shot up out of her seat. If he was actively seeking her out, he could be in serious peril, “Are you okay? What is it?”
He gave his head a small shake like it was nothing, whatever it was.
“I uh, think I got some of that birdshot in my shoulder too. Thought the arm caught most of it, but…”
Christine nodded as she approached. She rested her hand on his left bicep, the metal one. She didn’t miss the fact that his eyes darted down quickly to her hand and then back up to her face.
She gave the unyielding metal a reassuring squeeze anyway.
“You okay with getting an X-ray?”
“Yeah,” then almost too quiet to hear, he added, “I trust you.”
He looked at the cot like it was a pit of hellfire.
“You know what?” Christine offered, “why don’t you just sit on the chair? Unless you think you’ll pass out.”
“Nah, wouldn’t pass out.”
He took his shirt off and tossed it on the cot.
When he was frightened and borderline shocky it was a little easier to remain clinical. Now he was casually sitting backward on the chair with his arms folded over the backrest. She could see how defined every muscle in his back was.
Her clinical eye returned as she got a close look at the scarring around his prosthesis. Round grey pellets were working their way up into the epidermis.
“Looks like these are actually working their way out on their own.”
Bucky admitted softly, “They itch.”
“Healing tissue tends to do that. I’m going to put some numbing cream on these three spots. Might be cold.”
“You don’t have to numb anything. I heal fast.” He jerked a bit when the cold cream hit his skin and then let out a half-sigh.
Christine couldn’t help but scold him, “I will not poke and prod at you without giving you something for pain. Not ever. Okay?”
He sighed again, this time in what she hoped was relief, “Okay. Thanks, Doc.”
“But… since you do metabolize medication faster than the average man, I am going to have to work quickly.”
“Okay.”
“If you feel pain, you tell me to stop and we will do more cream. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Sergeant Barnes, promise me.”
“I promise.” And then quietly, he offered, “It’s Bucky.”
“Hmm?”
“You don’t have to call me Sergeant Barnes. You can call me Bucky.”
She smiled behind his back, “Christine.”
“I know. I kind of like calling you Doc.”
Christine felt the smile spreading wider across her cheeks and she conceded, “Then call me Doc.”
She got the six small pellets out while they talked. Bucky didn’t flinch once. She wasn’t sure if the cream worked or if he was just being stoic. She hoped it was the former.
“All done,” she told him as she placed the final bandage on his back.
He turned back toward her while he put his shirt back on and she was conflicted about whether that was good or bad. He was stunning to look at.. take your breath away stunning…with clearly defined muscles rippling under tan skin. Her eyes tracked the line of hair that disappeared into the waistband of his jeans. She hoped to God he hadn’t noticed that little flick of her eyes. She was a professional, damn it.
“So…?”
“So?” She replied. Did he expect her to give him a verbal assessment of his physique?
“Do I get a lollipop?”
Christine let out an embarrassing snort which made him bite his lower lip in amusement.
“Top drawer.”
She had just splurged on some new candies, and everyone had begun insisting on a lollipop after she patched them up.
“Tootsie pops?” Bucky pulled out a raspberry one. “I loved these as a kid.”
“They had them back then?”
“Watch out Doc, I might start to think you are implying that I’m old.”
He swirled the candy around in his mouth and grinned at her.
Now, how the hell was she supposed to remain professional if he was going to start flirting with her?
She wasn’t on call, but that didn’t stop Christine from sleeping lightly. The other trauma surgeons on standby were more than qualified, but whenever any of the Avengers were out on a mission, Christine couldn’t rest.
More than once she cursed the fact that the jet was too quiet for her to hear it land. So she laid awake, occasionally asking Friday for updates.
After Friday had told her they landed and that none of the team had suffered any major trauma, she settled her head in the pillow and had just begun to drift off.
The phone jarred her awake. The caller ID set off alarms of panic. “Darcy? What’s wrong?”
“Sam and Bucky came in…” Darcy’s voice told the story. Something was wrong.
Christine was already climbing out of bed. She caught her foot on the sheet as she climbed out of bed. “Damn it,” she muttered, half at the sheet and half at the staff that had neglected to call her.
“Listen… Bucky got blinded by something. Dr. Cho is handling it but… I just imagine he’s pretty scared and they won’t let Jane or me in and I thought maybe…”
“I’m on my way.”
Christine hurried along the compound grounds, still in her pajamas.
He was lying flat on the cot in Dr. Cho’s treatment room. A large pair of goggles covered his eyes, but Christine didn’t need to see his eyes to imagine the fear on them.
Cho’s assistants moved around the room almost wordlessly.
Just outside, Darcy, Rhodey, Wanda, Jane, and Sam waited. All of them brimming with indignation that they couldn’t be at his side.
Cho wasn’t the problem. She would have let them all in to watch, but her head nurse was a tough cookie who wasn’t about to break the rules for anyone, not even Avengers.
But the MD behind her name afforded Christine access.
She quietly announced her presence.
“Bucky? It’s Christine.”
“Doc,” he let out a sigh of relief before protesting, “you didn’t have to come.”
Cho gently scolded, “Try not to move, Sergeant Barnes.”
“What happened?” Christine asked as she moved a stool to his side and she wrapped up her hand in his.
“Blast. Blinded me.”
Cho explained, “I’m replacing the corneal epithelium all the way down to the Bowman’s layer. The serum would probably allow it to regenerate naturally. But it would take time. And as you know, eye injuries can be quite painful.”
Christine rubbed her thumb up and down Bucky’s hand, “How is your pain?”
“Hurts. But meds don’t work very well.”
“I know. Any other injuries?”
Helen answered for him, “None. Local ER assessed him and transported him here. They called me in right away.”
Christine had to lean over him to grab the button that hung on his left side. She grabbed it so she could place it in his left hand, “Use the PCA if you have pain. Just push this button.” He flinched when she touched his metal arm. “You can’t overdose. There is a lockout.”
“I did compensate dosage and lockout for his unique metabolism.”
“Thanks, Helen.”
The hum of the equipment changed intensity, prompting Bucky to tighten his grip on her hand.
“Doc, what’s happening?”
“She’s just using the tissue regenerator. It’s pretty, actually. Blue.”
“Same color as your eyes?”
She almost teased him for flirting with her, but she realized almost immediately that he wasn’t. He needed to know. He needed her to paint a picture of what was happening around him or he would succumb to the fear. “More like the color of a robin’s egg.”
Christine stayed by his side throughout the procedure, holding his hand and telling him every single thing that was happening. Whenever he heard a change in the noises of his room, his hand would tighten around hers and as she explained what was happening, she would rub her thumb back and forth over the back of his hand as she had before until his breath evened back out.
Christine tried to suppress the little thrill that she felt as she escorted Bucky back to his rooms.
Dr. Cho said his vision would slowly return over about 8 hours, but in the meantime, he was completely blind. Sam had offered to be his escort, but Bucky already had his right arm wrapped around Christine’s body. With his left, he held her right hand against his stomach, forcing her to walk a little sideways. She was supporting his front with her right hand and his back with her left.
Halfway to his rooms, he asked, “Doc? Are you wearing your nightclothes?”
“Guilty. Darcy got me out of bed.”
“Shit, sorry Doc.”
“I wasn’t sleeping. I can’t sleep when you guys are gone. I worry.”
“I should feel bad about that. But I kind of like that you worry.”
“You’re a little bit of a flirt, Sergeant Barnes.”
“Bucky,” he reminded her huskily.
“Bucky,” she agreed.
Christine didn’t know it, but Stephen watched her smile into her coffee cup for a good five minutes before he asked, “Still thinking of going back to New York?”
“No. I think I’m gonna stay.”
He let out a knowing chuckle, “Barnes?”
“No! I mean…yes, but…”
“You’re falling for him,” he observed with a smile.
“No… He’s my patient. It’s inappropriate. I’m a terrible person. I’m going to hell.” She pointed her spoon at him, “Shut up Stephen.”
“Christine, it’s okay.”
“No, it's not,” she sighed.
“The Avengers Initiative isn’t quite the same as the world out there, Christine.”
“I don’t know….”
“Besides, I heard a rumor Barnes was considering retirement. He never wanted to fight anyway.”
“Hey Doc,” He was leaning casually against the doorframe to her office like he didn’t have a care in the world.
“Bucky, is everything all right?”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Because you are in the medical wing voluntarily? You hate it here.”
He shrugged. With a grin, he explained, “Never gonna be a fan of medical equipment, but some of my favorite people in the compound are in Medical. Starting to grow on me. Plus…I had a craving for a Tootsie Pop.”
Christine let out a little laugh and fished one out of her cabinet. “Raspberry?”
“Whatever you’re willing to give me, Doc.”
Christine felt her heart beat a little faster and her cheeks begin to flush. “That all you came here for, Sergeant? A Tootsie Pop?”
“Actually, I think I’ve finally worked up the nerve to ask you out to dinner. And it’s Bucky.”
“I’d like dinner, Bucky.”
“And I want your opinion on a little piece of property I have my eye on. I’m thinking of raising goats.”
“Goats?”
He shrugged again, “They grow on you. Pick you up at seven?”
“It’s a date.”
Christine didn’t go home again for three days. And when she finally did, her cheeks hurt from laughing.