Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey there. Can I sit here? Or are you waiting for someone?”
Bucky looks up from his book and spots a girl, whose jet-black hair almost reaches her waist, standing behind the empty chair next him, “Uhm, yes of course. Please.”
“Thanks.” She klonks her heavy bag on the desk and starts to pull out all the things she needs for the lecture. Bucky notices only now that he spread out his stuff onto her space and scrambles to gather his pens and his coffee.
“No worries.” Her pink tongue peeks out between her lips when she grins at Bucky, “I’m Eden by the way. Eden Green.”
“Hi. I’m James Rogers.” Bucky tries to smile as non-threatening as possible; he doesn’t want to scare off his first possible friend on his first day.
Eden laughs, as if she can feel Bucky nervousness, “Hi James. This your first lecture ever?”
“Yes. Does it show?”
“A little bit. But it’s fine. It’s my first ever lecture too.” she grins and opens the script that the lecturer distributed by the door, even the first page is already filled with formulas, “So. Calc 1. Are you excited? Or are you here to get all the hateful stuff out of the way as soon as possible?”
Bucky shrugs, “I'll probably chose math as my major. So not hateful at all.”
“No way! Me too! This is brilliant.” she squeals so loud that the two students sitting in the row before them turn around to check out what’s happening. Eden just waves them away and turns back to Bucky to say something, but the lecturer gets on his small podium and calls the room to order.
The lecture is held in a big auditorium, just like Bucky always imagined university would be like, and it takes a few seconds until every student settles down and the lecturer can start talking. It’s only the introduction class; everything the lecturer covers is basically just repetition for Bucky. But that’s alright for him, it’s an easy start and it gives him a good feeling.

“This could have been worse.” Says Eden when they pack up their stuff after the lecturer left the room.
“Don’t think it will keep being that easy.” Shrugs Bucky and casually waits for Eden.
“What’s your next class? I have biology in an hour. You got time for coffee or something?” asks Eden, who obviously knows how to make new friends, unlike him.
Bucky nods, “I have Russian literature next, but I have time. Uhm, yes. Coffee would be good.”
“Coffee is always good.” Grins Eden, “Come on, my new weird friend.”

Soon they sit in one of the many hipster cafés scattered between the many nyu buildings, both with a big cup of coffee in front of them.
“I just arrived in New York last week. I’m a cali girl.” Says Eden and spoons an excessive amount of sugar into her cup, “But I didn’t spend much time there in the last year anyways. I took a gap year, was teaching english and math in Monterrey, Mexico. That’s where my mother’s from.”
“Wow. That must have been an experience. Do you have many relatives there? Or were you all alone?” asks Bucky, feeling genuinely impressed with that petite girl on front of him.
“Ish. I got relatives there, but I don’t know them that well. I lived in a flat share with other volunteers, we had a blast.” Explains Eden and then dramatically rolls her eyes, “I don’t really want to tell you about that though. I mean, yes of course I wanna tell you, but that wasn’t the reason I stared talking about my gap year.”
Bucky looks up surprised, not really knowing what to say to that. Maybe she is insane, “Uhm, okay…?”
“That was my way of discreetly asking what you did before college.” Explains Eden, “You know. How much older you are. Or if you’re like eighteen, but look extremely daddy.”
“What?” Daddy? How on earth does one look daddy?
Eden sighs, “How old are you?”
“Twenty-five?”
“Are you asking me if you are twenty-five? Or are you telling me?”
“Telling you.” Bucky sits up, “I’m twenty-five. I absolutely know how old I am.”
Eden grins, “Good for you. I also know how old I am, I’m twenty.”
“Great. We both know how old we are. That’s good. Very college-worthy.”
“You’re weird.” Giggles Eden and asks, “How come you’re older? I can ask that, right? That’s not a rude question?”
Bucky shrugs, “I was in the army, got back, decided that I maybe wanna do something else. Sooo, here I am.”
“Oh cool. And you’re a real New Yorker? Or did you just move here as well?”
“Brooklyn. Born and bred.” Grins Bucky and lets his native accent show a little bit.
“That is awesome. You can be my tour guide.”
“Better not. I only got back a year ago; it’s like a whole new city to me.” Says Bucky with a laugh. Eden joins in; having no idea, how much New York is a new city to Bucky.
“Wait, do you live in Othmer Hall too? How come I haven’t seen you? You’re like a brick wall, impossible not to notice you.”
“Uhm no. I live off-campus.” Eden’s fun and very nice, but Bucky doesn’t really know how to answer some of the things she says. Is he supposed to thank her for saying that he looks like a brick wall? Is that even a compliment?
“Lucky you. You probably got enough of living with a crowd after the army.”
“You can say that.” Answers Bucky, “Uhm, I should go to my next class, don’t want be late on my first day. So, do we see us on Wednesday, for calculus?”
“Yes.” Eden pulls out her phone and pushes it over the table to Bucky, “Want to get lunch before class? Give me your number?”

*********

“Stevie? What are you doing home?”
Steve turns around, “I’m working from home today.”
“That’s not working, sweetheart.” Grins Bucky and wraps his arms around Steve, who continues to paint on the canvas he put up in the living room, “Did you stay home to wait for me?”
“Noooo.” Says Steve, mimicking Bucky’s singsongy voice, “I just didn’t have any appointments where I had to be present at headquarter today. I can work from home. SHIELD is a very progressive employer.”
“Yeah, I see that.” Grins Bucky and leans his forehead on Steve’s neck.
“How was your first day? Start any revolutions?”
“Oh yes. We’re gonna take over SHIELD, there goes your progressive employer.”
Steve chuckles, puts down the brush and turns around to draw Bucky tight to his chest, “Don’t be cheeky.”
Bucky nozzles Steve’s neck, sighs and says, “I had fun today. I think I made a new friend. She says I look very daddy and that I’m a brick wall. These are things friends say, right?”
“My friends don’t say that. So maybe ask Aine.” Grins Steve, “Or maybe she is coming on to you.”
“I don’t think so.” Bucky shakes his head, “She doesn’t seem like the flirty type.”
“How about your classes? You know, the whole point of college.”
“I had calculus in the morning. Bit boring, but I looked through the semester manual it’s going to get fun soon. Then I had Russian literature, it’s an introductory course, so we mainly read the texts in an English translation. But some of the people in my class are fluent in Russian too, which is cool. And then in afternoon I only had American history. The professor seems a bit weird, disoriented.”
“That’s how I imagine all professors, to be honest.” Says Steve with a grin, “Did you meet any other people, except that daddy girl?”
“Her name’s Eden, I even had coffee with her after calc. In general, there was a lot of coffee. Apparently, that’s how gen y’s bond.” Tells Bucky and pulls Steve to the couch to curl up on top of him, “I went to lunch with quite a lot of people from Russian lit. Basically everyone who is fluent, but I couldn’t remember all of the names. And after history I had coffee with the two girls, who we’re sitting next me, Mia and Janine. Mia is from China and Janine is from Tennessee and they are both sophomores.”
“So many girls. I bet they are pretty. Do I need to be concerned?”
“Yes Steve. You absolutely have to be.” Says Bucky with grave voice.
Steve pokes into Bucky’s ribs and accepts Bucky’s head slap, “But other than that? Everything worked out?”
“Yeah. No problem with my arm or the skin sleeve. No one recognized me or questioned that I’m James Rogers.”
Pepper Potts, Stark Industries wonderful CEO, pulled some strings and made it possible that Bucky is officially enrolled as James Barnes, but that NYU lists him as James Rogers. That way he can study anonymously and still receive the diploma in his real name. However, staying anonymous really isn’t that hard for Bucky anyways, at least when he’s out and about without Steve. The pictures the general public has seen of him shows him as either a young soldier in WW2, the winter soldier in all his gear or when he was on trial, clean shaven and short cropped hair. Not at all how he looks like now.
“You can’t imagine how happy I am that this is working out for you.” Sighs Steve and pulls Bucky even closer to his chest. Bucky loves that he can burry himself in Steve’s chest now. When they are standing next to each other Bucky seems bigger; he still has the winter soldier build. Bucky is burly; with thick arms and legs, wild long hair and the three-day-stubble he just seems so big. But in reality, Steve actually is bigger and taller. And Bucky loves it. He loves that he can cuddle Steve without crushing him and he loves not being the strongest and most dangerous person around.
“Today was just the first day sugar. We’ll see what happens next.”

Chapter Text

The next day Bucky has a statistic class right before lunch, which was a bit more challenging than calculus. He doesn’t really connect with anyone there, the other students seemed very focused and not really open to talk. He wonders if that’s how he seems to other people and that the girls from yesterday just took pity on him. Is he supposed to be like Eden and take pity on these guys?
Bucky shakes his head a little bit. No. He doesn’t have to make new friends every day; that’ would be a bit excessive anyway. So, he just leaves the room right after class and buys a sandwich and eats it while he finishes his history reading. The paper was so interesting that he totally forgets the time and barely makes it in time to the huge auditorium for the psychology lecture. The room is so big that there must be around 300 students present; Bucky doesn’t even try to check if he recognizes anyone.

When all the classes are finished and done for the day Bucky feels very overachievery and heads to the Bobst library to join a tour. It might be good to know how the library works as soon as possible, since he already received a reading list for various classes.
There already is a bunch of students waiting in the entry hall, Bucky joins in and trails after the senior who shows them around and explains the check-out system and the research stations.
“Grad Student or PhD candidate?” one of the students who looks a bit older than the rest walks up to Bucky. The guy is almost as broad as him but dressed much smarter with a white button-up.
“What?”
“You seem to be around my age. So, you know…” The guy’s voice gets smaller and then he grins apologetic, “That was a bit rude, wasn’t it? Sorry. But hi, I’m Rudi. I just transferred here from Stanford to do my PhD.”
“I’m James. Uhm, neither, sorry. I’m an undergrad.”
“Oh fun. You can still look forward to this whole nightmare.” Rudi’s smile is even bigger now, his white teeth shine bright against his dark skin. It’s a handsome smile, Rudi is a handsome guy.
“You’re one to talk.” Says Bucky, “Voluntarily prolonging your studies.”
“What can I say. I’m a nerd.” Rudi spreads out his arms, “What classes are you taking?”
“Calculus, Russian literature, American history, statistics and psychology.”
“Wow. Those are two figure-based classes. Plus psychology and let’s be honest, that’s basically statistics. Tough choice James.”
Bucky shrugs, “It’s alright. I’m thinking of majoring in math.”
“Huh. I always struggled with math. Which is ironic since I’m doing political sciences, statistics is my side-chick by now.”
“I almost chose intro into politics this semester. But I wasn’t really sure if I’d like it.”
“You absolutely should in the spring semester.” Says Rudi enthusiastically, “Even if you don’t end up liking it, you can’t really escape politics.”
Bucky nods, “Yeah. You’re probably right. Why did you transfer to New York? The word is that Stanford is pretty good.”
“Is that the word, huh?” asks Rudi with a wink, “Like any other lovesick puppy on this planet I followed my boyfriend. He works for the governor of New York.”
“Wow. What do people do who work for a governor?” asks Bucky and only then his brain catches up on the ‘boyfriend’.
“Lots and lots of things. In the beginning mainly bringing coffee, but Ricky is on his speech writing staff.”
“Soo, Ricky is the boyfriend?”
“Yeah.” Rudi draws the word out, “Is that a problem? The boyfriend and the gay thing?”
“No. Of course not. Why would that be a problem?” asks Bucky quickly.
“Because you are sounding very weird.”
“No, really. No problems at all.” Says Bucky, “Uhm. I have a boyfriend too.”
“Ooooh.” Rudi smiles again, “Not out yet?”
Bucky shrugs, “We live together, and our family knows. But we don’t advertise it.”
“I get that.” Rudi looks up to the senior, who still explains how to search for books, “This is immensely boring. Coffee?” and there it is again. Generation Y bonding offer.
“Sure.”

They sneak away from the group, leave the library, and go to one of the lounges that are scattered around the building.
“Did you meet Ricky at Stanford?”
“Yeah. He was studying law, but he already came to New York a year ago when he got that job on the governor’s staff. I had to finish grad school first though.” Says Rudi, “Which sucked, of course. Glad to be here finally.”
“Of course. New York is the greatest city ever.” Grins Bucky.
“You’re not wrong. I really like it; we have an apartment in the east village which is quite a cool neighborhood.”
“I never lived there. We grew up in Brooklyn, but we lived in Manhattan for a while. Not really our thing, so we moved back to Brooklyn. Commute is longer now, but all our family is there and everything.”
“What does one have to sacrifice to afford living in Manhattan?” asks Rudi wide-eyed.
Bucky shrugs, “I was military, there’s a bit of money there. And my boyfriend is moving up the ranks in the army. Living in Manhattan was… convenient.”
“And now he moved to Brooklyn because you hated it.” Coos Rudi.
“Uhm, well. Yes.” Bucky smiles, “And we’re closer to our family now. Which is great.”
“Big family then?”
“Not really, but tight. Our aunt lives just two street over. And both of our cousins are quite close too.”
Rudi frowns slightly, “Don’t get me wrong dude. But how did you meet your boyfriend? Same aunt and stuff…”
Bucky looks at Rudi and then suddenly gets how weird he might have sounded, “Oh my god. No. We are not related, at all!”
Rudi laughs embarrassed, “Sorry. Had to ask though.”
“But we are childhood friends. Both our families are Irish, that’s how we met; our mothers were really close.”
“And then you fell in love with your best friend? Like straight out of a rom-com?”
"It was a tiny bit more complicated than that. And he wasn't really my best friend, but my sister's. Still a classing rom-com trope, though.”

Chapter Text

Bucky had a nightmare that night. He woke up twice screaming. He can’t even remember what he dreamed about, just that it was dark and that there was pain. So much pain. Steve tried to soothe him, but except of holding him tight there isn’t much he could have done.

“You should stay home love.” Says Steve the next morning when he makes him a cup of tea, “You will catch up quickly. And you said that the first lessons are quite boring anyways.”
Bucky shakes his head, “I’m meeting Eden for lunch, I’ll be fine.”
“But you don’t have to be.” Steve gives Bucky a soft kiss and runs his fingers through his long and tangled hair, “This is your first week. Dr. Rivaz already said that this might be hard and that that’s okay.”
Bucky nods. He knows what. But he wants to meet Eden. They have been texting a bit and he really thinks that she could be a good friend. And he has Russian literature after his math class, and he read the text he was supposed to and he enjoyed it and he so looks forward to the discussion about it. He is so fucking prepared.
“I’ll give Sister Ann a call. Maybe she has time to meet me.”
“I’m sure she will make the time.” Steve reaches for his phone, but his hand doesn’t leave Bucky’s shoulder, a steady and reassuring presence, “I’ll make the call, alright? You wanna take hot shower in the meantime?”
Bucky nods and tilts his head to press his cheek on Steve’s hand, “Thank you Stevie.”

When Steve finally, albeit worriedly, leaves for work Bucky bundles up in soft black leggins, a baggy black t-Shirt and a black cardigan. He packs all his school stuff and walks the few blocks over to the church. He is a bit early; Sister Ann doesn’t expect him for another 30 minutes but that’s alright. He likes sitting in the church. It’s empty and quiet, but somehow Bucky can still feel the echo of the organ music. Bucky walks up to the front and sits down. Soon he can feel himself calming down. The cool air, the faint smell of incense and the flickering light of the candles never fail to sooth him.
When he and Steve moved out of the tower into this neighborhood Bucky spent countless hours in this church. Sometimes with Sister Ann or Father Maxime, sometimes with Steve, sometimes hiding in the back pew during Laudes or Vesper and sometimes all alone. This is what saved him after SHIELD finally got him back and deactivated the programming in his head. This saved him from going crazy in his own head. Right after the last big head surgery he stopped speaking or even interacting for a while. That was when he started to remember his past for real and it was a bit too much for him to handle, so he just stopped.
Thankfully, that’s when Coulson and his therapist started to connect the dots and they brought in Sister Ann. The first time Bucky met her he wasn’t lucid, but she managed to shake him out of it for a bit. Her irish accent was so familiar to Bucky, he thought Steve’s mother or even his own came to him.
Then, one day he started talking again. Soon they allowed him to meet Father Maxime and then, finally, Steve. They allowed him to move into Steve’s apartment in the tower and at some point, they even allowed him to leave the tower. And after he got through the trial, he got back all the freedom he lost. They met Breena, his sister’s son’s wife and her two adult children. They left the tower. He took his SATs. This is the life, he never dared to dream about. It’s perfect. Never was his life this perfect; not even back then, before the war and all the violence.
A hand on his shoulder brings him out of his thoughts. Sister Ann sat down next to him; her dark habit alone reassures him. Sister Ann is one of the kindest people Bucky has ever met. She always knows what’s the right thing to say or when not to say anything at all; and she is convinced that cake and tea solves every problem, which actually is quite true.
“Are you alright my dear?” She asks smiling.
Bucky nods, “Getting there. I had a bad night. Something must have set me off yesterday.”
“Well, you had a very eventful week.” Answers Sister Ann, “How is that going? Are you enjoying going back to school?”
“Yes.” Bucky nods, a bit more vigor in his movements, “Very much. I met a few people that I like and I really enjoy my classes.”
“A particular class you like the most?”
Bucky thinks a moment, “Uhm, my history class is very interesting I like the reading material there. Statistics also is quite interesting. And I had psychology yesterday that I liked a lot. But it was a bit weird, when the lecturer talked about mental health problems. Since I have a mental health problem.”
“Do you think that’s what made you have a bad night?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Bucky hadn’t thought of that.
Sister Ann hums, “Keep that in mind. If that class makes you feel bad rather than teach you something, maybe think about dropping it.”
“Yes. I’ll have the next psychology class on Friday. I’ll see how that goes.”
“You’ll know what to do.” Smiles Sister Ann, “Let’s pray? And then I have muffins for you.”

*******

The morning with Sister Ann worked wonders. Bucky still feels a bit foggy when he heads to Washington Square Park but it’s much much better.
“Hola amigo” Says Eden with a huge grin and throws hear arms around Bucky when he enters the food court in the Kimmel Center, “I love those leggings by the way”.
“You hate hugs?” asks Eden when she notices Bucky tensing up and quickly removes her hands.
Bucky shrugs with a small smile, “Sorry. I’m not really a touching person.”
“That’s alright.” Eden grabs her wallet, “Let’s get food?”
Thankfully, the line isn’t that long, so they manage to get their food quite quickly.
“So, how was your morning? You didn’t have any classes, right?”
“It was alright. Caught up on some reading.” Lies Bucky.
“Lucky you. I had an 8am lecture. First and last semester I’m doing that.” Grins Eden.
“Well I wasn’t that stupid to do that in the first place.” Says Bucky, “Hey, what happened to that girl on your floor? The one you fought with?”
“I didn’t fight with her. She fought with me.” Eden stabs her sausage with the fork, “I still don’t know what her problem was. She just started screaming at me. Oh, and by the way, my roommate is still weird.”
“But the way you described her was so nice though.”
“Well yeah. But she is super weird, like she color-coordinates her socks and her underwear. Who does that?”
“Don’t asks me. I don’t get what most people do and say around me anyways.” Grins Bucky.
“Aww, not me though, right?”
“Weeeell…”
“What?” asks Eden, “What don’t you get about me?”
Bucky cringes a bit, “On Monday you said I look daddy. What is that?”
Eden makes wide eyes and puts her hand on top of Bucky’s, “Oh my god. You don’t know what a daddy is?”
“A father?”
“No! Definitely not a biological father. That would be just wrong.” Eden notices Bucky’s confused face and explains, “Okay. It used to be a gay culture thing, but it’s not anymore. A daddy is an older guy, or an older looking guy. You know, someone who is a bit more experienced, and handsome, a bit bad. Maybe even has a bit of money, you know a sugar daddy thing.”
“No, I really don’t know.” Bucky shakes his head, horrified, “And I think I don’t really want to.”
“Come on. It was meant to be a compliment. You’re older and handsome and stuff.”
“Well thank you, then. I’ll make sure to tell Steve that I’m handsome and stuff the next time he says I’ve a poop face.”
Eden gasps dramatically, “Who is Steve? And why on earth would anyone say that you have a poop face.”
“Uhm, my boyfriend. He is kind of a dumbass.”
“Yeah, sounds like it.” Says Eden, “And by the way, I totally called it. That you’re gay I mean. I’ve the best gaydar on the planet.”
“I have the worst.” Sighs Bucky, “Yesterday I met a guy and at first he thought that I have a problem with him being gay.”
“But you’re gay. How could you have a problem with that?”
Bucky shrugs, “I have a bit of a communication problem?”
Eden grins, “Yep. And you are majorly weird. We’ll work on that.”

Chapter Text

The rest of the week passes without any more problems. Bucky gets through the rest of his classes. He had lunch once more with the Russian lit people and even managed to get their names this time. Eden still texts him multiple times a day, even that one time she sat right next to him in the library. And he made plans with Rudi to have coffee the next week. It’s like he successfully infiltrated the gen y’s and made them believe that he’s one of them. He likes it.
To end that first week, he has an appointment at Dr. Rivaz office to talk through all these new experiences. And she really gave him a good feeling, even about that bad Tuesday night. Apparently, it’s normal. Even when he thinks he’s fine about everything, his mind still needs to process everything. That can be hard. And as it happens so often Dr. Rivaz agrees with Sister Ann that he maybe needs to think about dropping psychology. Even though Bucky enjoys the material, he left the second lecture with a bad feeling too. He didn’t have a panic attack; but he thinks that maybe, if he wouldn’t have had the right tools to deal with that feeling, he could have had one.

At home, Steve already had dinner ready for him. As in, he bought Pizza on the way home. Steve isn’t the cook in their relationship; one time he tried to make Risotto and Bucky had to buy a new pan. Fortunately, they have the spare cash for things like that now.
“How was work?”
“Good. Coulson wants me to go to D.C. next month to give the annual report at the pentagon. Last year he sent Tony, because he knows the people, but that ended up as a disaster.”
“Imagine that.” Grins Bucky and loads up his plate.
“And I ran into Pepper today. She asked about you, she says you should text her. There’s a new restaurant she wants to take you to.”
“Oh great.” Pepper made it her mission to introduce Bucky to all the foods the 21st century has to offer and so far, it always has been great, “You should come with us at some point. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Steve shrugs, “Nah, that’s your thing. And I'm not sure I would even like that adventurous food she feeds you. Just be careful that she doesn’t go blab to Stark about it. Otherwise we have him and the rest on our doorstep in seconds.”
“Pepper’s great. And she keeps to all your rules.” Says Bucky with a grin. But he gets why Steve is so protective of him, and honestly, he is glad about it. In the beginning he had a very hard time seeing Steve carrying weapons or see other people carrying weapons, the few times when one of the Avengers came to the apartment it ended with really bad panic attacks. So, he’s more than glad to have that distance between his life and the whole Avengers business now.
“By the way, Aine called me. She is in town for a few days. She’ll join Breena and me for the service on Sunday morning, maybe Davin will come too. You want to come with us? Or just join us for brunch after? We haven't seen Aine since she moved to D.C.”
“I’m not sure yet.”
“Alright. Whatever you wanna.” Bucky picks up Steve’s hand and kisses it softly, “I gotta do some studying tomorrow, but do you want to take out the bike in the afternoon? Catch the last bit of the summer?”
“As long as I don’t get a call, sure. That sound great. You can’t imagine how ready I am for the weekend” Smiles Steve and rolls his necks until his joints pop.
Alarmed Bucky looks Steve up and down “Did you get injured?”
“Nah. Just had quite a hard workout today. Nat really doesn’t go easy on me.”
“You’re being careful, right doll?” in theory, Bucky knows that Steve is practically indestructible, but he gets twitchy when he focuses too much on the danger Steve places himself in. Especially if it involves the Black Widow. He doesn’t have a reason to, but he doesn’t trust her. At all. But he tries to keep that from Steve, after all, next to Sam she is the closest friend Steve has. Steve already doesn’t let her see Bucky, which he is deeply grateful for; but it’s not really a friendshipy thing to do. Not telling a friend that one is basically married for over 80 years isn’t good friendship etiquette.

************

Even though neither Bucky nor Steve are able to sleep in, unless there are injuries involved or intense sleep deprivation, they take it easy the next day. Steve spends all morning on the fire escape sketching and drinking coffee. And Bucky manages to get the rest of his assigned reading and the calc and statistic exercises done; superior super-soldier braincells really makes up a good students.
“Are you done, love?” asks Steve when Bucky packs away his stuff from the dining table, “You want to get lunch here? Or eat when we’re out of the city?”
“Let’s just have a snack, so that we don’t fall of the bike. And then look for something nice on the way.” Decides Bucky and puts his things on the shelve, he declared his college shelve. It’s a bit crowded; maybe they should start looking for a bigger apartment soon. They live in one of those hipstery Brooklyn apartments. Tiny but cozy bedroom, big and airy living room with an open kitchen. It’s big enough for city standards and perfect for Bucky to feel safe. But with all of Bucky’s bookshelves, Steve’s easel and other painting stuff and the rest of their knick-knacks they accumulated in the past year and a half it can get quite messy.

30 minutes later Bucky mounts the Harley behind Steve, both wearing leather gear, helmet and sunglasses. They don’t really need the protection, but it helps Steve to drive around without people recognizing him. Although living in New York City alone helps with that, New Yorkers are just to cool to notice for ‘celebrities’.
“Hold tight.” Steve presses Bucky’s hands on his abs, and let’s not gonna lie Bucky is totally down for that, and kick-starts the bike. It takes a while to make their way through the traffic but finally they leave the city and the concrete jungle. Bucky rests his head on Steve’s back and lets the surroundings pass before his eyes and get blurry. This is the good stuff.
At some point, they find a little diner on the coast and stop for food. It’s a typical American diner with good burgers and good milkshakes. They take their food to go and find a bench that overlooks the water to have lunch.
“I forgot to ask. How was your appointment with Dr. Rivaz yesterday?”
“Good. Really good. All is fine. And she asked if we want to have a joint session soon.”
“Again?” Steve scrunches up his nose, “We just did one.”
“Two months ago.” Says Bucky, “Nothing serious, just a top up.”
“I don’t like how she wants to question what I do and why I do it.”
Bucky smiles and rolls his eyes, “That’s not how therapy works. And we don’t have to. It’s different now, it’s not we really need it. Not like when I just moved in with you and joint therapy made total sense because we were both major head cases.”
“I was never a head case.” Says Steve with a somewhat playful glare.
“You totally were. I’ve never seen you that worried before.”
Steve shrugs, “Well. What were you expecting? They guy I married was barely functioning. Excuse me for being worried.”
“You were perfect sweetheart. Still are.” Bucky takes Steve’s fingers his and squeezes, “Here’s a thought. I know we’re not legally married. But it’s been about 70 years since we had the ceremony, is it time for rings?”
And there’s that cute smile on Steve’s face that Bucky loves so much.
“I love that thought. However, rings are maybe a bit unpractical when I’m fighting. Plus, the media will go into a frenzy when Captain America suddenly sports a wedding ring.”
“I still have my dog tags.” says Bucky suddenly, “We could go traditional. You wear mine and I wear yours?”
“Really? You put yours away as soon as you got it back.”
“That was around the same time I couldn’t look at you in uniform. And when I see you in uniform now, I still want to tear it off. But for different reasons.” Bucky wiggles his eyebrows, “But seriously. I still have difficulties with everything I’ve done. But I will never regret fighting in World War 2. And I would be proud to wear your dog tags.”
“Me too, love”

Chapter Text

“Soo. How is college? Tell me everything.” asks Aine, when they settle in Breena’s living room. They just came back from church and are now waiting for Steve to join them for brunch.
“It’s college.” Grins Bucky, “It’s not like you don’t know how that is. I’m sure you got more to tell. How is Hillary?”
Aine is one of the lucky ones who gets to intern on Hillary Clintons Campaigning Staff. For that gig she gladly postponed law school for another year.
“Good, good. We are already gal pals. Going to brunch, doing our nails.” Says Aine and shoves her elbow into Bucky’s ribs.
Bucky pushes her away and yells very loud and very dramatically, “Don’t hurt me, Ainee Bee. I tell your Ma.”
“She doesn’t care. She’s teaching Aiden how to make pancakes.” And by the sound of it they have lots of fun. Aiden is Aine’s three-year-old nephew and the cutest toddler Bucky’s has ever seen. But, he is also very biased.
The way they are all related to each other is a bit complicated; usually Bucky just introduces Aine and Davin as his cousins; their mother Breena as his aunt and Davin’s son Aiden as his nephew. The truth, though, a bit iffy. Breena married Bucky’s sister’s son Grant (yes Grant, Becky’s wonderful way to include Steve); the little Grant he only met a couple of times as a baby before he got drafted. And now, a couple of decades later, Grant is dead, and this is the closest thing to family he has.

“Look who I found outside. Did anyone order a superhero?” Davin opened the front door with a shout and pushes Steve into the house, “Go in. Aiden drove me crazy during mass; he couldn’t possibly stop asking for you. That was just too hard a task for his precious little brain.”
“You’re welcome pall.” Grins Steve and chucks off his shoes in the hallway.
“Sure.” Davin rolls his eyes, “Tell Ma I’m still outside for a while. The fence is broken.”
“Nah, don’t work on that too long. I’ll help you fix it after brunch.” Promises Steve and makes a beeline for the couch, where he kisses Bucky on the lips and Aine on her forehead, “Hey guys. How was the service?”
“Great. Father Maxime gives you his best.” Answers Bucky, “Breena and Aiden are in the kitchen. Go say hello.”
“Yes sir.” Steve salutes and leaves for the kitchen where he can already hear little Aiden squealing.
“Unca Steve. Unca Steve.”, Aiden leaps from the kitchen table right into Steve’s harm.
“Don’t do that, buddy.” Scolds Steve, “You could have fallen.”
“Nononono.” Sings Aiden, “Superheroes catch.”
Steve smiles and rolls his eyes, “Hi Breena. Davin says he’s still outside checking the fence.”
“Oh good, finally. I’ve been telling him to that for weeks now. Come here Baby, give me a kiss.” Breena holds her cheek up for Steve to kiss and then turns to Aiden, “Will you help Aine and Bucky set the table? Steve can finish up in the kitchen with me.” Aiden scrambles down and quickly runs to the dining room to order Aine and Bucky around.
“Bree. You know I’m no good in the kitchen.”
“Nonsense.” Breena shoves some apples and other fruits over to Steve, “Dice. Even you can do that.”
Steve gets a sharp knife from the drawer and a cutting board and gets to it, “Sure thing. How was your week?”
“Good. These new first graders are all so precious. But some of them have parents, you wouldn’t believe it Steve. They have little six-year old’s and they want them to be the best at everything. Writing, reading, counting. It’s really sad to watch, just let these kids be kids.”
“I think they are scared that their kids will have a hard life if they don’t get the best education.”
“Well yes.” Agrees Breena, “And I get that. But just let these kids get a good foundation without all the pressure. That will come soon enough. But enough about that. How have you been? Any dangerous stunts?”
Steve shakes his head, “No missions this week. However, I would have preferred a bit of action. Too much paperwork and meetings when I’m in the city for too long.”
“I’m just worried about you plum. You do have the most dangerous job of all the kids in this house.”
“I am also the only supersoldier in this house.” Grins Steve, “I’m careful, Bree. You know that.”
“I know. I know.” Sighs Breena and then changes the topic, “Bucky seems happy.”
“He is. He really enjoys college.”
“You doubted that?”
“Not that he wouldn’t enjoy it. He always was the smart one of us. Bucky always wanted to continue to go to school instead of working straight after High School.” Steve smiles fondly, “I was worried. About all these new people; that someone would recognize him or that there are just too many people around for him to handle. But he takes to it like a fish to water.”
“It really warmed my heart when I heard him telling Father Maxime about school. He came such a long way.”
Steve hummed appreciative and continued cutting up the fruit.
“You could come to church again sometimes.” Says Breena casually, “Not every week of course. I know you have much to do. But you haven’t been to mass since Bucky is feeling better.”
“You know I can’t.” Sighs Steve.
“Do I?”
“I just can’t. I know that it’s important to Bucky and I’m sorry that I can’t share that with him. But I just can’t go to church and act like I’m okay with all of that.”
“With all of what?” asks Breena, “Church politics? Corruption in the Vatican? Less spoken Latin and Gaelic during mass? Priests who abuse their power over minors?”
“All of the above, except the Latin part; contrary to Buck I never got the hang of that. The disappointment of Sunday School, that’s me. Steve doesn’t look up, “But it’s more than just that. How can I even believe in a God that lets all these things happen?”
“God isn’t a puppeteer, Baby. In the end of the day, we all make our own decisions.”
“Then where’s the point in praying to Him?” asks Steve and waves away Breena’s sad smile, “I have to deal with that on my own, okay? I’m done with the fruit. Anything else you need help with?”
“No, I’m almost finished. Can you bring the bowl with the fruit and the bread into the dining room? Then send Aine in to help me bring the rest out.”
“Sure thing.” Steve grabs the bowl and the breadbox and then leaves the kitchen, “Food is almost done guys. Bee, your mother needs your help.”
“Ok.” Aine ruffles through Aiden’s hear and goes to see her mother.
“Look unca Steve.” Shouts Aiden and latches onto Steve’s leg, “We set the table.”
“Wow buddy. You did such a good job.” Praises Steve and smiles at Bucky. Who, of course, already saw that something tampered with Steve’s mood.
Bucky reaches out and grabs Steve’s shoulder, “What is it?”
“Nothing, really. Just Breena asking when I’ll come to church again.”
“Never if you don’t want to, sugar.” Says Bucky and then winks, “Except Christmas, Easter, thanksgiving and St. Patrick’s Day of course.”
“Of course.” Answers Steve with a smile and draws Bucky in for a soft kiss, “I love you. And thank you for not pressuring me.”
“I would never do that. You are perfect just the way you are.” Whispers Bucky and then pulls back to grab the whining Aiden.
“Kissing is gross.” Pouts the small boy.
“Oh, is it? Are you sure about that?” laughs Bucky and lifts Aiden up to smother him with kisses.
“Nooo! Eww.” Shrieks Aiden and pulls on Bucky hair, “Noo. Unca Buck, stop.”
Bucky’s laughter only grows louder and in addition to the kissing, he also stars tickling the boy. Soon Aiden is laughing so hard he starts hiccupping in between breaths.
“Do you still think kissing is gross?”
“Nonono.” Giggles Aiden and latches onto Bucky’s necks with both arms, “Please no tickle.”
“Now that you learned your lesson, I will of course stop.” Soothes Bucky and softly bounces Aiden in his arms.
“You two, someday you will destroy something in here.” Says Steve, “Come on. Settle down. We’ll start eat soon.”

Chapter Text

“It’s a weird feeling. Somehow, I’m still a student, I got classes and seminars and papers to write and shit. But I’m also a staff member, a co-worker.” Explains Rudi, “Super weird. They want to talk about adult shit with me now. Like taxes. And the housing market. But honestly. I just want to either talk about the Bachelor, like the show obvi not the degree, that fancy new study I just read or how I’m both, a lefty woke socialist and a firm believer in Realpolitik.”
Bucky and Rudi are sitting in a coffee shop, undergoing the gen y ritual of ‘coffee and bonding sesh’. “Now you have an identity crisis, or what? Poor you. And I also kinda have the obligations to say: What the fuck is happening in your head?” Bucky grins.
Rudi gradually is becoming a very good friend of Bucky; they get each other. It also helps, that they both have partners, who are major workaholics.
“Please show some respect you lowly undergrad you.” Winks Rudi and picks up his phone when the display lights up with a message, “Ricky is in D.C. for a few days. Again. I know, I can’t complain, I see him more than I did last year, but somehow I miss him just the same.”
“You always miss them.” Shrugs Bucky, “I know all about that.”
Rudi sighs, “I bet you do. Is he on tour? You never said, just that he’s gone a lot.”
“Not really.” Bucky hesitates and then decides to go with the version Steve and Agent Coulson agreed on; even though it’s too close to the truth for his taste, “He’s special forces. He goes where he’s needed.”
“Damn, that must be tough.” Asks Rudi horrified, “Is he away now?”
“He got a call in this morning. No clue where he is though.”
“That’s even shitier!” cries out Rudi, “You’re not even allowed to know where he is?”
“He would tell me, but I don’t want to know. So…” Bucky shrugs and then quickly changes topics, “I just dropped psychology and took one of the classes you lot offer.”
“My lot? What the fuck is my lot, James?” asks Rudi; he seems to want to resist Bucky’s sudden change of topics, but the decides to go with it, “And I have so many questions. Why did you drop psychology? If you couldn’t handle the stats there, you won’t handle the stats in poli-sci. What class did you choose?”
After Bucky’s third psychology lecture, he decided to look into his options of replacing it with in another course. He could have handled psychology for the rest of semester, but it always left a sour aftertaste in his mouth. And he doesn’t do that anymore. If something fucks with his mental health, he puts himself first. So, he called up his academic advisor, who luckily knows all about his PTSD history, and she agreed pretty quickly to put the change in, even though he just missed the window shopping period, where students can pick and drop classes.
The real reason is, he is a head case and can’t handle listening to people talking about mental disabilities. The official reason though, “Eh. I had so many workshops and classes on psychology while I was in the army, I really don’t need to hear all that anymore. I changed it to ‘The Politics in New York’.”
“Interesting dude. That’s public policy though.” Rudi grins, “Traitor.”
“How could I know that there are different kinds of politics?” Grumbles Bucky, “Teach me, oh teacher.”
“Ok. Let me enlighten you.” Rudi takes a sip from the sugary concoction he calls coffee and sits up, “Public policy is a sub-category of poli-sci. In general, poli-sci is broader and more theoretical; why do political events happen the way they do, how can that be influenced etc. And social policy is usually more specific, for example what happens after a decision is made in a specific health issue or something. Basically, you try to apply the broad theory from poli-sci to a specific scenario. The best example are policies. The policy cicle as a framework is poli-sci. But the case study of a policy in environmental law is public policy.” Rudi stops and thinks a bit and then shrugs, “But that definition differs from university to university, there’s no clean-cut line. Here at NYU there’s the department of politics and the Wagner Department, where they offer social and public policy. In the politics department for example there’s a module called ‘Urban Government and Politics’ while Wagner has a class called ‘Politics in New York’. A little bit the same but not really the same.”
“So, you are sitting in an ivory tower with all your models and theories, meanwhile the people who are doing social policy struggle with real problems?” Asks Bucky, grinning wide.
“I wouldn’t call it that.” Laughs Rudi, “It is a bit more complex than that.”

****************

Reality really does sucks. Especially when Steve doesn’t come home from a mission without informing him. Agent Coulson had to call him around 9pm to tell him that Steve is involved in a hostage situation and that he can’t possibly get on the phone himself. By then Bucky was already mildly panicking and stress-baked a shit-ton of muffins; he’s gonna make lots of new friends tomorrow. It takes him a few minutes to get calm again after his heartbeat rocketed up when Agent Coulson’s number appeared on his display, and then decides to eat at least half of the muffins he made. They are delicious and he deserves them.
With a big plate of muffins, his calc homework and the first season of ‘West Wing’ he makes himself comfortable and settles in for the night. He never sleeps well when Steve is away, but he does not need that much sleep anyway; and when he has something to occupy himself, he even likes those quite nights.
He watches one episode of ‘west wing’. And then the second one. Then he puts away his calc homework and watches the third one. And then the gets his laptop to google all the things he has questions about. In the end, Bucky gets so sucked into the black whole that’s called the internet that he only manages to get three hours of sleep before he has to get up again to make it to his history class on time. It turns out, he really likes politics.

**********************

“Stevie! You’re back!” Steve is lying on the couch, only dressed in black pajama bottoms, when Bucky gets home, “Are you alright, sweetheart? You should have called me; I could have gotten home sooner.”
“You had class love. I’m fine. Just a bit tired” answers Steve and pulls Bucky on the couch, “I got home a few hours ago and caught up on sleep. I’ve only been awake for 30 minutes or so.”
Bucky scans Steve’s face and can only spot faint dark circles under his eyes, Bucky presses closer and kisses both of Steve’s eyes and then moves to the rosy lips, “Everything went fine?”
“Yes. Everything is fine.” Says Steve calmly, “How have you been?”
“Oh my god. I had the best time.” Exclaims Bucky giddily and curls up on Steve’s lap, “Do you want to know all about it?”
“Do I want to know all about the best time you had, while I was away? In mortal danger?”
“Don’t be sassy.” Grins Bucky and bites Steve’s earlobe, “Rudi recommended ‘West Wing’, that’s a show about a fictional US president and his staff, but the issues they deal with are so not fictional. It’s so good, Stevie. Then I started looking up all the things I wanted to know more about. Today after class, I called Rudi up to get coffee and he explained me a lot more. Politics is so interesting; I had no idea.”
“That’s because you don’t have to operate on a budget, they set for you.” Says Steve with a grimace.
“Well. The US government spends way too much for the military anyways.” Grins Bucky, “Not for you though. Just all the other shit. They should put all that money in health care and education. And maybe cancel all the fucking student loans.”
“Dear God. I’m married to a socialist.” Groans Steve theatrically, “The worst nightmare of all Americans. Captain America is trapped in a marriage with a socialist. No, even communist.”
“You’re such a dumpster fire.” Laughs Bucky, “One, your own mother was a socialist. Two, I’m not; I’m just trying to be a decent human being. Three, going out on a limb here, but I think it’s worse that you’re married to a man in the first place. Captain America is a disgrace, you homo!”
“Your face is a disgrace.”
Bucky almost falls over from laughing, “Wow, sugar. Pulling out the big guns, huh?”
“I sure need them. I’m the one trapped in a loveless marriage.” Steve hides his grin behind a world-class pout.
“Loveless marriage, my ass.” Bucky rolls his eyes and nips at Steve’s earlobe again, “I bought stuff to make home-made Pizza. But since I’m such a horrible husband…”
Steve’s hands shoot up immediately and cradle Bucky’s face in-between them, “I’m sorry. You are the best husband I have. You’re even my favorite husband of all my husbands. Please cook for me.”
Bucky sighs and gets up, “I really do hate you so very much.”

Chapter Text

It’s like cooking for a freaking army, but no, it’s only Steve and Sam. Everyone assumes that Steve needs a freakish amount of food. Because of the supersoldier thing. and they’re not wrong. But no one would think that Sam eats just as much as Steve does. Because it makes no sense at all. That guy is a regular human.
Being ‘The Falcon’ isn’t a full-time gig for Sam, so he doesn’t get as much training in as the others, so Steve takes him on weekly running dates. And weekly gym session. And weekly sparring fests. It’s actually no wonder Sam needs all that fuel to keep up.
Bucky just lets them do their thing and tries to have enough food ready when they get home. Just in case. But he doesn’t join then. He likes working out, he really does, but what those two do is just crazy.

“We’re back.” Shouts Steve and stumbles through the front door with Sam in tow. Both gross and sticky with sweat.
“Go wash up. Both of you.” Says Bucky, “Hi Sam. I would hug you, but you look disgusting.”
“Sure thing buddy.” Grins Sam and toes of his running shoes to leave them outside in the hall, “I’m beat. That guy chased me through the whole goddamn city.”
Steve left their apartment at the asscrack of dawn to collect Sam for a coffee and a run. They have been away so long that Bucky managed to go to mass and get brunch ready.
“Can I help with something?” asks Sam when he comes back a few minutes later, clean and dressed in a SHIELD issued tracksuit.
“No. I’m done.” says Bucky und pulls the French press closer, “Can I get you some coffee?”
“Please, yes.” Moans Sam and accepts the steaming cup with grabby hands, “You make the best coffee.”
“Only because you’re used to that travesty they serve at the VA.” Grins Bucky, “how have you been?”
“Great. Work is fine, avenging is fine too. You know, except Steve basically torturing us in training and him and Stark sniping at each other like two untrained dogs.”
“What?”
Sam looks away, caught, “Steve didn’t tell you?”
“Of course he didn’t.” Bucky shakes his head, “He never does.”
“It’s not bad or anything.” Explains Sam, “They’re just so different and they are both so stubborn. But they pull themselves together when it counts. It’s really not that big of an issue. Everyone is safe. And stuff.”
“You saying that because you don’t want me to get mad at Steve and him finding out that you tattled?” Bucky pulls up his eyebrows.
Sam shrugs, “A little bit… However, it’s really not that big of a deal. They fight, yes. But they have each other’s back. They’re as safe as it gets.”
“Uh huh.” Bucky isn’t convinced, “I’m meeting Pepper for lunch next week, I’ll ask her if she knows something.”
“That’s a great idea.” Exclaims Sam.
“Let her be the snitch, what?” asks Bucky with a small grin.
“Jup.”
“You’re such a good friend.”
“Yes. I am.” Sam looks proud of himself and loads his plate up. Like any other good friends, he doesn’t wait for Steve to start eating.

*************

Bucky loves college. He really, really loves everything about it. Russian literature is fun, and the class feels like a group of friends talking about the latest book they’ve read. American history is interesting, often tragic but it settles his memory right; which is huge. Calculus and Physics still are quite easy, but it’s like a comforting cloak; the rules never fail him. Statistics is statistics. He doesn’t love it, but he also doesn’t hate it; that probably counts as a win. And politics of New York is just great, it’s like getting to know his hometown again, but in such a different way. Again.
He likes walking into classes or the library or coffee shops and seeing people he knows; other students who like him enough to stop for a few minutes and catch up about homework. And he likes studying, he likes digging into stuff, reading, researching, and spending way too much time getting sucked into secondary sources.
He is part of the world again. The real world. Like a regular human, and it’s great. And like other regular humans he finds himself in a coffee shop on Wednesday night, listening to an open mic.
In his beanie, skinny jeans and red flannel while sipping on cucumber water Bucky has never felt more hipster in his life. And sitting next to Eden enhances that feeling tenfold; she looks like a real Brooklyn native wearing a tiny black dress, black Doc Marten boots and that old man’s hat she found in the subway.
“He is awful, right?” Eden leans over to Bucky and whispers in his ears, “I feel like my brain’s melting.”
“It’s not that bad.” Says Bucky. But it is. It really is that bad. Some grad student is on stage and reads a poem about flowers and angels and, somehow, vomit?
“This is disturbing. I need alcohol.” Decides Eden, who is a proud owner of a fake ID, and gets up, “Can I get you something?”
“Uhm, a Gin Tonic please.” It’s quite hard for Bucky to get drunk, his metabolism just works too fast, but he still likes the taste of beer and other drinks. And after a few drinks he sometimes does manage to get a bit of a buzz.
“Comin up right away good sir.” Says Eden and makes her way to the coffee bar, which turned into an actual bar for the night.
Bucky tries to focus on the poem again, but now the guy’s talking about dead fish (?), so that’s clearly not happening. He pulls out his phone to take a selfie and sends it to Steve.
Steve texts back immediately
~ I’m on a stakeout. Whatcha doin’?” ~
~ Open mic with Eden. Guy is reading a poem about dead fish and vomit. I might vomit too soon. ~
~ That sounds fun. I think. ~
~ It is. Immensely. Do you think I look cute? ~
~ I do. You’re a real looker. I should come and make sure no one chats you up. ~
~ Please do. Come and rescue me from all these flirty hipsters. ~
~ I wish I could. I hope I’m home tomorrow. ~
“You’re texting lover boy, James?” Eden is back and puts a tall glass filled with a clear liquid in front of him.
~ Eden’s back with my drink. Miss you. Love you. See you soon. ~
“He left for an assignment yesterday.” Answers Bucky and puts away his phone, “Hope he come’s home tomorrow.”
“I still haven’t met him. I need to meet that delicious hunk of a man.”
“You don’t even know how he looks like.” Laughs Bucky.
Eden shrugs, “He’s special forces. I bet he’s super muscly. Plus, I’ve seen you checking out other dudes. Your type is ‘hot and sexy’. So…”
“That’s what your conclusion is based on?” he grins, “I check out hot guys. So, Steve must be hot too?”
“Yup.”
“You’re a real scientist, Eden. Speaking of types. What’s your type?”
“No assholes.” Answers Eden and takes a big gulp of her martini, “And hot, I guess.”
Bucky shakes his head, “You’re setting your expectations quite high with the no assholes thing.”
“I know.” Eden sighs, “It’s not easy. Hey. Don’t you have a cousin? Is he like you, but straight? I’ll take him.”
“Davin is straight. But he is also 35 and divorced with a kid.”
“I don’t mind 35 and divorced.” Eden winks, “But I definitely mind the kid.”
“Kids are cute. And Aiden is the best.” Defends Bucky his nephew.
“Yeah. But not when you have to plan your dates around them.”
“Okay, fair enough. But there is no one back home, or something?”
Eden shakes her head, “No. I mean I had a few flings in Mexico, but nothing serious. And honestly, I don’t wanna start college with a guy on my tail.”
“I’m a guy on your tail.”
Eden loops her arms through Bucky’s, “But I’m not screwing you.”
“Lucky me.”

Chapter Text

Pepper chose a vegan Asian Restaurant, a very good vegan Restaurant it turns out. Bucky ordered food he only ever read about in blogs. Stuff like Quinoa and Tempe.
“I told you it’s good.” Pepper rolls her eyes, “I would never take you to a place, where they serve bad food. Seriously!”
Bucky grins, “Sorry Pep. I will never ever doubt you again.”
“You better not.” Pepper flicks her chopsticks playfully at him.
“So, I told you all about my thrilling and adventurous life. What’s going on with you?”
“The tower is a madhouse.” Sighs Pepper, “I’m leaving for the L.A. office tomorrow. I’m not getting any work done around here.”
“Why, what’s up?”
“Literally everyone is here. Including Thor, Clint and Vision.” Explains Pepper, “That’s just too much. And apparently Tony is trying to turn the tower into a SHIELD base, we’ve got several training rooms and weapon rooms and I don’t wanna know what else by now. Which is just dumb. SHIELD has a perfectly functioning, state of the art headquarter right in Manhattan.”
“Agent Coulson is alright with that?” asks Bucky, he doubts that Coulson is alright with that. He is an okay dude, but does he like to work by the book.
“Not really. However, the Avengers is the top squad. As long as they get their results and they’re operating by the law, it’s fine by him.” Says Pepper, “Although Steve doesn’t really agree with that.”
Bucky hums, “I heard that Steve and Stark are fighting lately.”
“I wouldn’t call it fighting.” Pepper shrugs, “It’s like dogs yapping at each other. You know an Alpha Male thing, that is actually very childish. And Natasha being equally Alpha Male doesn’t help either.”
“I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with them.” Says Bucky and pours more of that delicious sauce over his food, “I salute you, Pepper Potts.”
Pepper cuts a grimace, “Let’s not talk about that anymore. Did you watch the Bachelor this week?”
“Of course I did. It was tragic, wasn’t it?”

Pepper was the first friend Bucky made. Of course, there was Sam and he likes Sam, but he always was Steve’s friend rather than his. Pepper on the other hand, always cared about him first. A few days before his trial started Pepper showed up at their place with a collection of very fine suits and bullied Steve into allowing her to dress Bucky. And that was just the beginning of an awesome friendship, that almost exclusively revolves around bitching about the Avengers, clothing and food. Of course Steve, in his role as the century’s biggest worrywart, wasn’t okay with their friendship at first. But now he has seen that Pepper genuinely likes Bucky and never tells Tony a word about what Bucky’s doing and where they live. So he’s fine with her now, and sometimes scared of her.

**********************

After lunch Bucky walks back to Campus and gets through his statistics class without any difficulties, he even discusses a couple of problems with some of the other students and then makes his way to the bible study group he found on a black board. Apparently it’s a quite open group, that’s doesn’t really care about denomination.
Bucky wanders a bit around, he still gets lost in the different buildings sometimes, and then finally finds the right room. It’s already filled with about seven people, age wise it seems like a quite an even mixture of undergrads and grad students.
A guy with bright blue hair notices him first and comes over immediately, “Hey there. I’m Sebastian. This your first time here? I haven’t seen you around yet.”
“Yeah. I’m James.” Bucky shakes Sebastian’s hand, “Just started my undergrad. Didn’t have the time to check out any clubs or groups yet.”
“Wow. You’re old for an undergrad. And welcome, we have cookies!” grins Sebastian and spreads out his arms, he doesn’t seem to have any sort of filter between his brain and his mouth.
“I get that a lot.” Answers Bucky, “I was in the army before, just starting college now.”
“Huh. That’s interesting. Thank you for your service and stuff.”
“You’re welcome and stuff.” Bucky smiles, even though there isn’t anything people should thank him for.
“Oy, Seb. Take your new friend and come here.” One of the other guys is throwing big pillows and the floor, “Let’s start. I need to leave in an hour. I have a fucking dissertation to write.”
A girl flops down next to him and swats at the guy’s head, “Stop swearing, Eliah.”
Sebastian rolls his eyes and gestures Bucky to follow him to the group, “Guys. This is James. He’s new at NYU. James, that’s Eliah, Sarah, Domenica, Jem, Francis and Leah. Most of them suck, I’m the only nice one around here.”
Bucky is standing awkwardly in the middle and lifts his hand to wave and the starring group of people.
“Hi James.” Smiles a girl, Leah, with the longest hair Bucky has ever seen on a human, “Nice to meet you. We love new people.”
“Yeah. We don’t get them too often.” Agrees Jem, or Francis, Bucky is already lost with the names. He does have an eidetic memory, serum thank you very much, but it fails him with names, every time, “Most students just join the group of their denomination.”
“Sit down James. You’re making me nervous.” Says Sarah, he thinks, “So. You’re new? New at NYU or new in New York? Tell us the short version of yourself.”
Bucky sits down next to Sebastian and clears his throat, “Well. I grew up in Brooklyn, still live there. I’m out of the army for about a year now. I didn’t really know what to do with myself, so I decided to start studying.”
“That’s super interesting. I’m looking forward to see if your contribution to the discussions differ from our views.” Says one of the guys, he has a mop of black dreads on his head, “You know. Because you have a bit more life experience than we do.”
“Don’t let him treat you as an experiment.” Says Leah, “We got a few nerds in here. Francis is studying religious studies and sociology. And Jem is studying Theology.”
“Stay away from the bible nerds, got it.” Grins Bucky.
Jem the theology students sticks out his tongue in Leah’s direction and then opens his bible, “Okay. I was thinking we read something from the Philippians today. Do you have your own bible with you, James?”
Bucky nods and pulls his tattered bible out of his bag; Sister Ann gave him that bible as soon as he was allowed to have personal things in his room.
“Great. Okay, Philippians chapter two verses one to nine. Let’t read it and put it into context.”

By the end of the hour Bucky has developed a huge brain crush on Jem and Francis. Bucky has known some very intelligent priests and nuns, both in his youth and now and he always liked listening to them and learning from them. But he never met people who are, at the same time, secure in their faith, well versed in the bible as well as its secondary literature and still very critical. After they read the text and started discussing it, both made sure to inform the group about the historical context and how that particular text was translated, what different translations are out there and how that can have an effect on how one could interpret these particular verses.
It’s actually a bit eye-opening for Bucky. Of course, he tried to consider the historical context while reading the bible, but other than that he always took the bible for what it is. God’s word. He never thought to also research how it was translated, who translated it, who wrote that particular text in the first place or under what circumstances the text was written.
And now Bucky can go home and annoy the heck out of Steve with all the stuff he just learned.

Chapter Text

Life goes on. Bucky goes to class, to church, to therapy and to bible study. He continues to enjoy throwing himself into his books, going to coffee shops with his friends and coming up with fancy Pinterest meals that keep their supersoldier bodies full for at least a few hours. He has the best time cuddling Steve in front of the tv and teasing Aine on the phone.
Then mid-terms start. Naturally, that throws quite a wrench into his newly-found social life. At least, both Eden and Rudi spend equally much time in the library as he does and that makes it infinitely better. Even though Bucky still regrets the day, he thought it’s a good idea to introduce them to each other. The world isn’t and, frankly, shouldn’t be ready for that combination.

Bucky is working on his essay about the Civil War when his phone display lights up. Bethany, Davin’s ex-wife is calling him. Bucky’s mind is immediately jumping to every worst-case scenario on this planet; he grabs his phone and quickly leaves the reading space to take Beth’s call.
“Oh thank god, you’re picking up.” Beth nearly shouts into the phone, “I have to go into work, there’s an emergency and I don’t have anyone to watch Aiden. Davin is out of town and Breena is working herself. I’m so sorry to bother you, but could you maybe spend the afternoon with Aiden?”
Bucky lets out a sigh, baby-sitting the world’s best three-year old really isn’t a worst-case scenario at all, “Sure. I’ve been studying for days now. I’m definitely ready for a break and an adventure with Aiden.”
“Oh, thank you. You’re so saving my life.” Says Beth, “Where are you now?”
“I’m at the library. Where should I meet you?”
“I’m on my way to the office soon. Let’s meets halfway? I’ll text to the subway station.”
The prospect of a fun afternoon ahead revives Bucky instantly and he goes to pack up his stuff and stores all the chunky books in a locker.
Soon he and Aiden are making their way to the Museum of Natural History.
“Are there dragons Unca Buck?” asks Aiden, who is sitting on Bucky’s hip and dangles his legs, kicking Bucky in the process.
“No. But they have dinosaur bones. And lots of other cool stuff.”
“I love dinosaurs.” Cheers the little boy, “And then ice cream.”
“Only if you promise to keep it a secret. We don’t want your mom to get angry at me, right?” asks Bucky with a wink.
“Nononono. Not mad.” Shouts Aiden.
“Ok. But no shouting anymore, you have to be a good boy now. We don’t want to disturb the other people in the museum, right?” says Bucky and opens the door to the museum.
“I be silent.” Whispers Aiden into Bucky’s ear and puts on his good boy behavior.
Aiden has a blast in the museum. He is so attentive and curious and interested that Bucky really has to search his memory to come up with many interesting tid-bits about natural history. After two hours of walking the museum, Bucky follows up on his promise and buys Aiden a cup of chocolate ice cream. Aiden is thrilled; he sits on Bucky’s lap, smears the ice cream all over his face and chatters about everything and anything he has seen today. Bucky smiles and nods in all the right places.
“Want to see big dinosaur gain, Unca Buck.” Aiden is trying to wriggle away from Bucky, who is attempting to clean Aiden’s face with a napkin.
“Not with that much chocolate on your face, Mister.” Grumbles Bucky, spits on the napkin and tries if that works. And then he feels a tickle.
He knows that feeling. He developed those instincts during the War. Those instincts were engineered into him when he was the Winter Soldier. He knows that tickle, the little hair in his neck standing up, the muscles in his back clenching. They are being watched. But he can’t figure out from where.
“This isn’t working. You look like a chocolate monster.” Bucky calmly puts Aiden’s water bottle in his little backpack, slings it over his shoulder and lifts Aiden up, “Let’s go to the bathroom, we need water and soap.”
“I’m a chocolate monster.” Sings Aiden and leans his head on Bucky’s shoulder, peacefully unaware of Bucky’s distress.
Bucky strategically cuts through several guided tour groups, crouched down one time because he dropped Aiden’s backpack and then chose a bathroom that’s closest to the fire escape doors, “Come on Baby. Let’s make a clean boy out of you again.”
Bucky let Aiden play around with the soap a little bit and waited until the bathroom cleared out, “Do you want to have an adventure with me?”
Aiden gasps and jumps up and down, “Yes. Unca Buck. Aiden wants adventure.”
“Good. We’re gonna do a scavenger hunt.” Explains Bucky, “We will look for clues and then we find a surprise.”
“I wants a surprise.” Yelps Aiden, “Please.”
“But you have to listen to me, okay? Because I’m the master of scavenger hunts; one day you’re gonna be the master of scavenger hunts, then I’m gonna listen to you. And you have to be quiet, we don’t want to let other people know that we’re close to finding the surprise. We don’t want them to win instead of us, right?”
“Yes!” Aiden nods, “We wants to win.”
“Very good.” Bucky puts the little backpack on Aiden, shoulders his own bag and lifts Aiden up again. He takes it deep breath. He can do this. He has to do this.
“The first clue is a door, with a red sign.” Whispers Bucky, “When we get out of the bathroom you have to look for the red sign, and then tell me, quietly.”
Bucky opens the door and turns Aiden’s head away from the surveillance camera and of course, the boy immediately spots the fire escape, “There, unca Buck. Found clue.”
“Very good.” Hums Bucky, he waits for a gaggle of old ladies passing through and then discreetly opens the door and steps out into the side alley, “Now we look for a small car. Can you see one?”
Aiden looks around and then points to a silver Audi, “That one?”
“Not that one.” Too flashy and it definitely has an alarm.
“That one.” Decides Aiden and points to a black Toyota.
“Perfect. You are so good.” Bucky kisses Aiden’s head and reluctantly puts him on the ground, “Now, can you look for a round stone? It has to be really round, like a circle, but your hand can never let go of my leg, can you do that?”
“Of course, Unca Buck. Ima big boy.” Aiden crouches down and starts to pick up various stones. While Aiden is distracted Bucky makes use of his prosthetic and breaks open the door with quite a bit of force, “Have you found the stone?”
“I think so. Lookit.” Aiden shoves a grey stone into Bucky’s hand.
“That’s the right one.” Praises Bucky, “Hold on to that. Now get into the car.”
Bucky gets into the driver seat, he lifts Aiden up and puts him on the passenger seat, “Now we both have a mission. I have to get the car to start without the real key, that stone you found is a magic stone. It will help power the car. And you have to hide under the clove compartment.”
“Why?”
“Because we don’t want people to see you. Otherwise they will know that we are close to the surprise.”
“We don’t want that.” Aiden nods, as if Bucky is the wisest man on the planet, and gets of the seat.
He gets the car to start within a few seconds and starts driving random roads, while telling Aiden to squint through the windows and look for other invented clues; like other cars, people with funny hats and street signs.
Soon Aiden is so worn out he falls asleep and Bucky feels safe enough to pull out his phone.
“Hi love. What’s up?” Steve, bless him, picks up his phone immediately.
“I was in the Museum of natural history with Aiden. We were being watched. I hijacked a car and we are on our way to one of the safe houses.”
“What?”
“Don’t freak out. I think I shook them. Aiden thinks we’re on a scavenger hunt.”
“Who was watching you?” asks Steve, his voice hard like steel, “Go home. You’ll be safe there.”
“And bring whoever was following me right to our bedroom? I think not! As soon as I made sure the safe house is secure, I’ll text you in which one we are.”
Steve takes a deep breath, “Just be safe, I can’t lose you. Go to the safe house. In the meantime, I’ll try to find out if there’s any Hydra activity. Should I call Beth?”
“Tell here I’m taking him to dinner too.”
“Good. I love you.”
“I love you too Sweetheart.”
Bucky focuses back on the street. He is pretty sure that no one is following him right now; but he still makes a few detours before parking in front of a non-descript building. Steve set up four safe-houses in the city, mainly to appease Bucky’s mind when they moved out of the tower. He gets their bags, picks up the sleeping Aiden, and enters the building. He hurries up the stairs to get to the apartment in the third floor.
The apartment looks safe; judging from the dust layer, nobody has been here for months. Bucky locks the door and quickly lays out the couch cushions in the bathtub. In that little nest he puts Aiden, who just continues sleeping without any worry in the world. Bucky kisses Aiden’s forehead and draws a cross on the same spot, reciting a short prayer. Just in case.
As soon as Aiden is comfortable, Bucky immediately regresses back into his old mind-set. A state he hoped he would never be in again, but here he is. He finds the safe Steve hid under the floor below the washing machine and stocks up on weapons. Armed to the teeth he checks the apartment a few times, then he checks the floor, then the whole building and then the surrounding buildings. An hour later, he is convinced enough that the site is safe and goes back to the apartment. Where Aiden is still sleeping of the excitement, safe and sound in the bathtub.
Bucky goes into the kitchen; Steve hid a secure laptop behind the stove. He uses it to hack into the surrounding surveillance cameras to make sure that there really isn’t something out there. And then, finally, he can get a message to Steve and tell him where they are hiding.

Chapter Text

To keep the scavenger hunt story up, Steve brought Aiden a dinosaur plushtoy and then takes them to a small pizza place – the victory meal. Both of them try to keep a straight face and entertain Aiden as they normally would, ignoring the agents that Steve discretely placed around them.
Bucky manages to hold up the charade until they delivered Aiden back to his mother, where Steve placed more agents to keep them safe, just in case that Aiden was the target and not them.
“Do you want to debrief now, or tomorrow?” asks Steve when they are back in the SHIELD issued SVU, which Steve drives himself. He doesn’t trust anyone else with Bucky’s safety.
“Now.” Decides Bucky, shoving his hands under his thighs. He knows that no bullet could penetrate the glass of this car. And even if the bullets could get through, only a few and very specific kinds of bullets could actually harm them; but his hands still tremble.
“There was no detectable Hydra activity. All known Hydra personnel were accounted for. I didn’t find anything on the security feed of the museum either, but someone definitely deleted a few sequences.” Steve’s voice is professional, clipped. His Captain America voice, “There was something or someone watching you.”
“It wasn’t all in my head.” Bucky wasn’t sure if he should be glad or terrified about that. The tremble in his hands wander to his arms now.
“No. It wasn’t all in your head.” Says Steve, “You did good. You kept Aiden safe, you kept yourself safe. Let me take over now.”
Bucky nods and leans his head against the cool window, “Yes.”
Steve drives them home in record time, the agents in the car behind them had difficulties keeping up, “Agent Coulson had the security enforced in our apartment. You will be safe. I promise.”
Bucky reaches over to Steve with his trembling fingers, “I wanna go home.”
“In a minute love, the agents behind us will secure the perimeter and check the apartment. Then we can go home.”
The dark figures from the car behind them get out and disappear in the building. Thankfully, they are quick, and Steve gets the signal that it’s safe for them to enter.
Steve bundles Bucky up in his jacket and leads him inside, while the agents assume their posts outside. They both know that it’s going to be a bad night, probably even a bad next day. The tremble in Bucky’s fingers and arms spread out to his whole body, by the time Steve closes the door and secures the apartment from the inside Bucky is a shivering mess. Steve gently leads Bucky into their bedroom; he helps him change into comfortable and soft clothing and then helps him getting into bed, “Give me a few minutes, love. I’ll be right back with a big mug of hot chocolate and a water bottle.”
Bucky tries to nod, but he’s not sure if Steve sees the difference between nodding and trembling at this point.

When Bucky opens his eyes again, he is cuddled up in several blankets and Steve’s arms. There’s a water bottle and a thermos on the nightstand.
“How are you feeling?” whispers Steve when he notices that Bucky is moving.
“Don’t know.” Bucky’s tongue is moving sluggishly, and he has a dry throat.
“You blacked out for a while there.” Answers Steve, “Drink some water. And the hot chocolate should still be hot. You want to try some?”
Bucky nods and accepts the water bottle. The water helps his hurting throat, he gulps down almost half of the big bottle and then slips back down until his head is resting on Steve’s chest again.
“Try a bit of the hot chocolate for me, alright?” asks Steve and helps Bucky up again, “Just to get your blood sugar up.”
With Steve’s help he manages to swallow a few sips of the rich and thick hot chocolate. Just the way he likes it. Like Mama S used to do it.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Bucky turns and hides his face in Steve’s neck, “Just sleep.”
He can’t think right now.

***************************

Bucky doesn’t know what time it is; or what day it is for that matter. He knows that the familiar fog in his brain and the way his limbs ache well. The night passed in a haze. There were dreams, but he doesn’t remember them. He only remembers the anxiety. And Steve, always Steve. Every time he woke up, Steve was there. Steve who helped him drink a few sips or eat a few bites. Steve who kissed him and squeezed him tightly when he woke up screaming and gasping. Steve who held his hand and, for the first time in months, recited the prayers he learned as a kid. All he knows is Steve. And that Steve isn’t in the bedroom right now.
But he left another water bottle and a thermos on the nightstand. Bucky slowly sits up and reached for the water, only now noticing how thirsty he is and quickly empties the bottle. Curious about the content of the thermos, Bucky screws it opens and gets a whiff of chicken broth. Carefully he sips a bit of the still hot soup; the salt helps settle his stomach, it’s delicious. After a few minutes, he feels strong and ready enough to get out of the bed to change his sweaty and clammy clothes for a new pair of pajama pants and another one of his many favorite’s hoodies. Now he is ready to face the world, or rather, his own living room.

“Bucky, love. You should have called for me.” Steve immediately gets up from the couch when Bucky opens the bedroom door, “Do you need something?”
Bucky shakes his head and lets himself be buried in Steve’s strong arms; he sighs and inhales Steve familiar scent.
“Sam is here. Is that okay? He can leave if you’re not ready for company.” Whispers Steve into Bucky’s hair.
Bucky shakes his head again, “He can stay.” He mumbles into Steve’s chest.
“Okay.” Steve strengthens his hold on him and pulls him gently to the couch, where Sam is. Sam seems calm, sipping his tea and looking through one of Bucky’s schoolbooks.
“Hi Sam.”
“Hey buddy. Want some tea? The water in the kettle should still be hot.” Sam smiles and disappears without waiting for Bucky’s response and starts banging around in the kitchen.
“What day is it?” asks Bucky and scoots closer to Steve.
“Friday afternoon. It’s been three days, love. How are you feeling?”
“Like I ran a marathon.”
“I’m so so sorry that happened Buck.” hums Steve and pets Bucky’s hair with his fingers, “I’m gonna up the surveillance around here. I’m gonna make sure you’re safe.”
“Do you already know who it was?”
“We didn’t find anything.” Answers Sam and hands Bucky a mug full of tea, “No suspicious Hydra activity or any other hostile organization. But we did find a few surveillance tapes that have been tampered with.”
“From the museum?”
Steve shakes his head, “Not only. We also found a few tapes from the subway station.”
“Do they know where we live or where I study?”
“We checked the tapes from NYU. Everything came back clean.” Says Sam, “As well as the tapes around the church, the apartment and where your families live.”
“That’s a good thing love.” Says Steve, “It seems like someone just ran into you at the subway station, recognized you and started following. Unfortunately, it was someone with enough skills and resources to hack into the surveillances systems just like that. They weren’t actually looking for you, it must have been a lucky shot.”
“What do we do now?” asks Bucky, his mind already racing again, “I’m scared. But I can’t hide. I have midterms soon. And a million papers due.”
“Steve stationed a few agents around here. And they will stay until we can prove that there’s no situation.” Explains Sam, “Him and I will take turns getting you to class and back, at least until you feel safe enough. And we made an appointment with Dr. Rivaz tomorrow.”
“You can’t just walk me around town all day.”
“Of course I can.” Huffs Steve, “I told Coulson I’m staying home for a while. I will come in if there is an emergency, but other than that, Stark can handle things. He wants to be in charge anyways.”
“And he is okay with that? I don’t want to make any troubles.”
“Our boy didn’t tell them anything.” Exclaims Sam, “He told the other Avengers some crazy story about the army wanting him to do motivational speeches and stuff. Stark laughed his ass of and then gladly agreed to hold down the fort for a while.”
Bucky smiles and burrows himself into Steve’s chest again, feeling much safer.

Chapter Text

By Monday morning Bucky has had a two-hour session with Dr. Rivaz, a rosary devotion at the church, a very extensive West Wing binge and enough study time to not feel overly guilty. He’s ready to go to class again – he thinks. Steve does not agree, but the grown-ups they are, they compromise. In their household compromising looks like this: Bucky can go to class, but Steve is driving him in an armored car with two more cars filled with agents accompanying them.
“I’m just a phone-call away.” Steve pulls Bucky over the car console into a possessive kiss, “Please be careful. As soon as something feels off, call me immediately. I’ll stay close and I have five agents on call.”
“It’s going to be fine, sweetheart.” Bucky rolls his eyes, even though he is glad about Steve fussing over his safety, “See you in a few hours.”
Steve draws him in for another round of kisses and then finally lets him leave the car.

Bucky walks into the faculty of Arts and Sciences and it feels like he’s leaving the stress and the anxiety of the past few days behind. The chatter and buzzing of his fellow students distract him, it’s a reminder there is more than agents and weapons in this world, that there is more to him than agents and weapons.
“James! Fucking finally.” Eden jumps at Bucky as soon as he enters the calc classroom and for once, he allows her to throw her arms around him, “I was sooo bored without you. How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. Really. Just a really shitty flu.”
“That sucks so hard. It’s not like you got other things to worry about. Like midterms.” Sighs Eden and pushes Bucky into the chair next to hers, “Are you super behind? Or could you still work a bit?”
“I could finish two essays. As long as I stayed in bed or on the couch, I was fine.” Answers Bucky, “Couldn’t get up though. Got instantly dizzy.”
“Ugh, how does your body even dare to betray you?” Asks Eden dramatically, “But. I could talk to your man hunk for a bit, when he called me to tell me you’re not coming in for a few days. Gotta tell you, his voice sounds hot.”
Bucky rolls his eyes, “He could still be ugly. You don’t know that.”
“Nah.” She waves his words away, “Not possible.”

Bucky meets up with Eden again after his Russian lit class and they cram in a study session. He manages to actually get on top of his workload while Eden catches him up on the people in her dorm. Eden’s chatter about her weird roommate and the dirty dishes in their shared kitchen restores the normalcy in Bucky’s world as nothing else could.
“We should plan something fun for after the midterms.” Decides Eden when they pack up their stuff, “Like going to Coney Island or something.”
“We’re gonna freeze our balls of.” Says Bucky, “I refuse to risk that. Think of something else, please!”
“Okay! I don’t want to jeopardize your precious balls.” Grins Eden.
They needle through the people and make their way out of the Kimmel center.
“Sweet baby Jesus. Who is that?” gasps Eden when they step into the evening sun. Leaning on a parking car is Steve. Steve in all his muscly and tall glory, his face hidden behind a cap and sunglasses, “I just got pregnant. Just by looking at him.”
“Don’t look too closely. That’s mine.” Bucky pecks a gaping Eden on the cheek and skips away to get into the car.
Steve makes sure that the door is closed safely and then slides into the driver seat, “Hello love.”
“You made quite an impression on Eden.” Grins Bucky and holds up his phone to show him his screen. Eden is sending a countless number of emoji’s; only the classy ones though, primarily the peach and the eggplant emoji, and the drooling puppy.
“I don’t even want to know what those mean.” Says Steve and kisses Bucky before he starts the car.
“That’s the thing with Eden. One usually doesn’t want to know what she means. It’s safer not to know.” Agrees Bucky and leans back into the car seat.
“How was your day?”
“Good, really good. I’m on track again with all my shit.” Smiles Bucky, “And I’m feeling really good, normal.”
“I’m glad. I was so worried.” Steve stoically looks straight ahead, but Bucky recognizes the tense shoulders.
“Were you worried about an attack?”
“No. I kept the whole area on lockdown, we would have noticed before something happened. I was worried that you were not ready yet.”
Bucky smiles and reaches out to lace his fingers through Steve’s on the steering wheel, “I was fine. This was a good thing for me. Going to school grounds me."

Sam is already waiting for them in their apartment; and he brought his Mama’s mac and cheese and sweet potato pie.
“I love your mother.” Says Bucky and puts another spoonful of food onto his plate, “This is so good. Seriously. Tell her thank you.”
“Sure. We both know she loves you more than me.” Grins Sam.
“As it should be.” Bucky tucks in and winces when Sam kicks him under the table.
Bucky and Sam chatter a bit about their day, the food, and the plans the VA has for veteran’s day. By the time they put away the mac and cheese leftovers, Steve still hasn’t said a word.
Bucky puts a piece of pie in front of Steve and sighs, “What is it, sweetheart?”
“I know who followed you.”
“What?” gasps Bucky, “Who? Did you make an arrest?”
“It wasn’t hostile. Apparently.” Steve lowers his eyes and fidgets, “Natasha followed you. She tried to find you for a while now.”
“Nat?” shouts Sam, “Why the fuck would she do that?”
“She doesn’t trust that Bucky isn’t dangerous. And she doesn’t like not knowing things.”
“So, she had me followed? She couldn’t just ask?” Bucky gets up, feeling agitated.
“She doesn’t do asking. Plus, your man isn’t very forthcoming with information.” Sam rolls his eyes, “What is happening now?”
Steve rubs his face, the exhaustion finally catching up with him, “I can’t deal with her right now. I asked Coulson and Maria to take over. I’m sure there is some mission far far away for her.”
Bucky drops his arms and walks over to Steve and gets into his lap, “You still need to talk to her though.”
“I know. And I will. Just not right now, I need her out of my sight for a while.” Steve drops his head on Bucky’s shoulder.
Bucky just hums und strokes through his hair. Sam, sitting on the other side of the table, shrugs when Bucky looks over to him.

Chapter Text

Steve has a hard time dealing with Natasha going behind his back. He refused to talk to her and didn’t give her a chance to explain herself. And then SHIELD sent her overseas for a few weeks on a solitary OP; Steve shuffled her to a different division for that one. Even with Natasha gone, Steve has a hard time and makes everyone else suffer with him. According to Sam Steve is a hardass during training and missions. Bucky of course knows nothing from Steve himself, all he knows he hears from Sam. Steve, just like he always used to back in the day, keeps a tight lid on any information and his own emotions.
Right until he explodes; unsurprisingly. The serum didn’t give Captain America the ability to master his own feelings and Steve Rogers is even worse at it. Bucky basically waits for the explosion. He knows Steve better than he knows himself. So Bucky really isn’t surprised at all when Steve finally blows up, and he also isn’t surprised that Steve is considerate enough to wait until midterms are over.

********************

Eden’s last exam finished an hour before Bucky’s, so she went ahead with some of her friends to look for a bar. A bar that doesn’t care to serve a group of students who are potentially under the drinking age and shamelessly wave around their fake IDs.
“Jaaames. My baby James is here.” Shouts Eden as soon as she spots James by the door of the shady bar she found, “That’s James, guys. That’s my best friend. And he’s so pretty under all that beard and hair.”
“Wow. Someone is already drunk.” Grins Bucky and tucks Eden under his arm, somehow in the last few weeks Eden became one of the few people he can touch without any issues.
“I’m not drunk. Just suuuuper happy.”
“I see.” Bucky turns his head and waves the people over that he brought with him from his last exam, “These guys are in Russian lit with me. Adrian, Emma and Daniil. This is Eden.”
“Nice to meet you guys.” One of Eden’s friends waves, “I’m Britany. Come on, settle in. My boyfriend Leon is getting us more drinks.”
Heady with after-exam euphoria and dubious alcohol the whole group gets on like a house on fire. After an hour the bar filled up with students, most of them uncontrolled freshmen, and Bucky runs into more and more people he knows from other classes. Even Rudi made it and brought a few of his friends with him. Some of them so handsome, that Eden instantly latches on to them after she needed a couple minutes to just stare.
Bucky on the other hands is busy arguing with Daniil about a Russian poem when some girl, whose name Bucky doesn’t remember, takes his hand and pulls him away, “James, dude. Your phone is blowing up with messages and calls. You might want to check that.”
“I bet it’s my boyfriend.” Bucky rolls his eyes, “He’s such a worrywart.”
It turns out it’s not Steve.
It’s Sam telling him that they had a shit mission and that Steve got into a huge shouting match with Stark.
It’s Pepper telling him that Steve just tore through Stark Tower and basically yelled at everyone who dared to get in his way.
It’s Sister Ann telling him that Steve just arrived at church and that he isn’t okay.
After reading all that, Bucky sobers up very quickly and steals away to catch a cab that takes him straight to Brooklyn. Still, the drive takes way too long. He knew this was inevitable, but it’s still not how he expected to spend his evening. He is the messed up one in their relationship, he knows how to deal with difficult feelings. Steve doesn’t.

“Thank God you’re here.” Sister Ann is already waiting for him on the steps of the church. She looks worried, but still calm enough that Bucky’s heard unclenches a bit.
Bucky runs up to her, “Is he in there alone?”
“No. The father is with him, but go in. I’m sure Steve need to see you.”
Bucky pecks a kiss on Sister Ann’s cheek, overly conscious of his breath smelling like alcohol, and hurries into the church. It’s dark and calming in there, cool and familiar. He immediately spots Steve and Father Maxime in the alcove where the statue of Mother Mary is, they are both kneeling on little cushioned stools. Trying not to disturb them, he walks up to them and steps next to Steve, who immediately senses him and just sinks against him. Bucky cradles Steve’s head in his hands and pulls him closer to his stomach, “How are you feeling?”
Steve only shrugs and breathes hard, puffs of air dampening Bucky’s shirt. Bucky looks to Father Maxime, “Father?”
Father Maxime shakes his head with sad eyes, “Steve had an immensely hard day, and he had to see things I wouldn’t wish on anybody.”
Bucky pulls Steve up from his kneeling position and wraps his arms around him, “I’m so sorry sweetheart.”
“Sister Ann put on the kettle in the sacristy. Why don’t you have a cup before you go home, Steve?” Father Maxime puts his hand on Steve’s arm and guides him away from Bucky’s embrace. Steve nods, he doesn’t really seem to be aware of his surroundings.
“What happened?” asks Bucky when Steve closed the door behind him and leaves them alone in the big church, “I just got messages about a bad mission and a huge fight he had.”
“And then came here to shout at God.” Says Father Maxime with a small smile, “Children died, he couldn’t safe them. And Steve blames God. It sounds like Steve blames God for absolutely everything.”
Bucky feels his heart beating heavily, “I knew that he is struggling right now. That he has issues with the people he works with, that he doubts his faith. But this seems so much more than I thought.”
“Is he talking to someone? A counselor or a therapist?”
“He was for a while when I got back; but they focused mainly on me and how Steve feels about me. He stopped when I got better. We have joint sessions sometimes, but, again, that’s more because of my issues.”
“You might need to talk about Steve going again.” Suggests Father Maxime softly, “He has no idea how to deal with his own hurt and anger.”
“He always had to do everything on his own.” Whispers Bucky, “I’m gonna make some calls tomorrow morning. Thank you for helping and for being there.”
“Of course, son.” He reaches out and squeezes Bucky’s hand, “There is so much anger in Steve, so much frustration. I don’t want to ask, but I have to. Are you safe?”
Bucky blinks confused; it takes him a few seconds to get Father Maxime’s question. He wants to know if Steve gets angry with him, if Steve hurts him, “I’m safe. I’m always safe with Steve. He is a difficult man and he has a temper. But he never hurt me and he never will.”

********************

The night passed like a Deja-vu. They spent hours under thick blankets, the room smelling like rich hot chocolate and with nightmares. Only it’s Bucky who holds down the fort this time.
It’s already 4am when Steve finally falls into a calm sleep in Bucky’s arms. It’s not the first time Bucky had to help Steve getting through the night, but it’s the first time it’s this bad. It breaks his heart. He is perfect and strong and Steve. So perfect and so strong, that he doesn’t know how to be otherwise.

Bucky stays in bed with Steve, guarding his sleep, until it dawns and the sun starts flooding the bedroom. He carefully extracts himself, pulls the heavy curtains shut and sneaks out of their bedroom. In the living room he texts Sam and Pepper, who both sent so many texts and called so many times it’s a miracle that his phone still has power, and then dials Agent Coulson.
“Barnes. Something happened?”
“Good morning Agent Coulson. I’m sorry for calling you this early.”
“I’m already in the office. What is it?”
“Did you hear about yesterday?”
“Rogers tearing Stark a new one? Yes, I heard about that. And I don’t care. Rogers can handle his team as he sees fit.”
“Steve isn’t okay. Can you give him a few days? I’m not sure he’s ready to go into work this soon. And, if Steve is okay with that, I’ll ask Dr. Rivaz to schedule a therapy session.”
“Do I need to be concerned, Barnes?”
“I don’t know Agent Coulson. I really don’t.”
“Alright. I try to give you as much time as he needs. I need an update on the situation tomorrow. If Rogers is unable to talk to me on his own, I expect you or Rivaz to update me.”
“Of course. Thank you.”
“Take care, both of you.”
Bucky puts down his phone and gets busy in the kitchen. That’s how he deals with things. He cooks and he feeds people. So he makes a big pot of chicken noodle soup. And sugar cookies. And apple pie.