Chapter Text
PRESENT
With all their past injuries from a lifetime of violence, it wasn’t all that often that any of them even stepped foot in a hospital. And if they ever did, it was only for as long as the anesthetic took to wear off and then they were gone again. Hospitals, or anything to do with doctors and their incessant need to document everything, were avoided like the plague between the three of them. There had always just been too much risk of getting put into some system. After all, people with no traceable identities arriving at hospitals usually rang all sorts of warning bells that almost always led to the authorities being summoned.
As idiodic as it sounded, to them it was less risky to sneak off and hope no infection set in than it was to sit around and wait for whatever shit storm was brewing back in the medical world. It was all pure instinct to run and hide when they were wounded, something they had never thought of changing until now.
James shifted his shoulder stiffly, wincing at the sharp tug of stitches that came about every time he so much as sneezed. Rhian had been morbidly excited that they would end up having scars in the same place. She compared it to getting matching tattoos, like a lot of military platoons were inclined to do. As much as James was put off by the enthusiasm, he did feel a slight twinge of comradery with her and the others at MI6 who worked through that mission with them.
Alec had gotten lucky. He had walked away with only a few stitches and bruises, and the surviving members of his team weren’t off that bad either. MI6’s medical facility would have released him within an hour of returning back to London if he hadn’t thrown a tantrum right there in the waiting room saying he wouldn’t be going anywhere without his partners.
The doctors had all argued with him until M had arrived and brandished her rank like a sword to beat back the doctors and allow Alec to stay with James in his room while they all waited to hear back on Q’s surgery. He'd thank her for that later.
James couldn’t remember ever being so scared before. He’d faced down guns and bombs without batting an eye in the past, but seeing Q’s pale and still body being rushed down from the roof all but did in his heart. 008 seemed to take pity on them, assuring them that Q was stable. He’d lost too much blood for his little body to handle, but an in flight transfusion had pulled him out of any critical condition.
“If it was really bad, they wouldn’t have bothered to fly him all the way back here for surgery,” she had assured them before limping off to get herself taken care of.
James made a mental note to thank her later too for all she had done. He wondered if she preferred wine or liquor.
It had been two days since they had successfully saved the world. It had been one and a half days since Q had been rolled into James’ room in his bed and still unconscious.
And now James found himself laying in his bed, with Alec snoring softly beside him, while staring over at Q’s eyelids as they started to flutter for the first time.
James’ lips cracked into a smile as he caught sight of two green eyes peering out into the bright white room. Without his glasses, he looked much younger and the fear in his eyes was magnified without the usual filter of glass in front of them.
“Everything’s alright, darling. We’re right here,” he said, his voice waking Alec up with a snort. He was stumbling out of the bed before James even got a chance to swing his own legs over the side. Q recognized his voice at least and the heart monitor attached to his finger settled back into a steady rhythm just as Alec scooped up his hand to kiss the hand that didn’t have an IV attached.
“You scared the shit out of us, kitten,” he said. Carefully he placed Q’s hand back on the bed so that he could reach for the glasses sitting on the tray beside them. Slipping them on Q’s face, they could all see how his body went limp with relief at seeing both Alec and James there.
“Might have scared the shit out of myself too,” he replied, his voice raspy from disuse, “Is everyone okay?”
James felt like he had the body of an eighty year old as he shuffled over to Q’s bed, but he felt himself grow younger with each step closer to them, “Rhian is fine and already looking forward to showing off her new scar to the other techs. Patrick, Iman and the other agents are doing well too.”
“And the mission? Did it work?” he asked eagerly. The sheets shifted as he tried to get his feet to help push him up, but one of Alec’s hands on his ankle stopped him.
“Stay still, love. You’ve still got a bit of recovering to do before you can start moving around,” Alec warned, “But the mission was a success. Launches were prevented and MI6, with a whole alphabet of other organizations, are moving in on the idiots who tried to start WWIII. You did it,” he finished with a proud smile.
The door to their room creaked open just then. Both Alec and James tensed up at the unexpected intrusion, but relaxed as soon as they saw M and Moneypenny entering the room. Eve was even kind enough to lock the door behind her, a silent gesture to let them know no one else would be barging in. She winked at Q and took her spot next to M.
The head of MI6 looked as calm and collected as ever, not at all like she had just come off of one of the most stressful weeks of her whole career. If anything, she looked incredibly pleased with herself.
“Congratulations on a successful mission, gentlemen. Your country, and a few others, owe you a debt of gratitude for what you have done for us. I trust that you are all recovering well?” she asked politely, but all of them knew that she would have been receiving all updates on their conditions anyway.
Alec squinted at her, “You have suspiciously good timing, ma’am. Q here only just woke up a few seconds ago.
She raised a single brow at him, otherwise her blank expression didn’t shift at all, “How interesting. Perhaps you may believe me now when I say nothing goes on in this building without my knowledge.” It sounded like some sort of promise, or a threat. Even so, James at least took note not to try anything funny within the walls here unless got Q to erase all evidence.
Alec snorted and gave her an indulgent nod, “I’ll keep that in mind.”
She turned back to Q, and the edges of her eyes softened a bit, “Are you feeling well?”
Q at least indulged her, “Getting there, ma’am.”
“Excellent. You were quite impressive out there, young man. You’ve become a legend among the techs already,” she added.
Perhaps if Q wasn’t still recovering from extensive blood loss he would have blushed under the praise, but his face was still painted in embarrassment as he stared down at his hands. Moneypenny wore a smirk on her perfectly painted lips as both James and Alec puffed out their chests with pride for their lover’s work.
M turned to look at the two men finally, sighing wistfully, “And both of you showed what you are capable of too when provided with the proper resources. Our agents could stand to take a few pages out of your books...although if you end up remaining here, I ask that you take a few pages out of theirs as well. Preferably from the stealth and rules sections.”
“Thanks, I think?” Alec said. James chuckled beside him, elbowing his lover in the ribs playfully.
“My offer still stands for all three of you. MI6 would be pleased to welcome you all on board, but as agreed upon with Q here, that choice remains in your hands. I only ask that you give me an answer sooner, rather than later. I’ve got some very eager techs waiting to hear if they have a new Quartermaster, and a few missions begging for certain skill sets that my current agents are not in possession of. I’d rather not keep all of them waiting. Well, as you can imagine, I’ve got a lot of work to do, so if you will excuse me,” and she turned on her heel to leave before waiting for another reply. Moneypenny left with her, but not before placing a quick kiss to Q’s cheek and then dashing off.
Then it was just the three of them left. Like how they had always liked it.
Or, at least that was how it used to be.
Q was staring down at his lap again, his eyes glazed over like they always did when he was deep in thought. The heart monitor was still steady and slow, peacefully rhythmic and calming. A musical assurance that he was alive.
James began tucking the thin blankets around Q, just for something to do other than return to his own bed. He’d rested enough and was now itching to leave. Not that he would before Q was released, of course.
“Do you want to get some more rest? We can turn the light out,” James offered. Alec took one step towards the light switch but stopped when Q shook his head.
“No. Not yet, anyway,” he said softly. He still seemed half a world away, his thoughts spread between two places at once. James didn’t have to be a genius like Q to guess at where his thoughts had traveled to. Especially because he and Alec had been thinking of the same thing for the last two days.
Q getting hurt had scared them. After everything they’d all gone through, they almost lost him to this new world that Q seemed so eager to move into. They had spent almost a decade keeping Q in what amounted to a protective bubble, only for Q to pop the bubble himself and end up getting hurt. That should have been enough of an offense for the old Alec and James to have swept Q up over their shoulders and make a run back into the shadows.
But that was the old them. They’d all changed in the last few weeks. They’d stepped foot into the light and found a place that accepted them, welcomed them even. There was so much promise and opportunity laid out for them like a buffet in front of three men who had been starved their whole lives. Seeing Q happy and whole up there in Q-Branch was a joy they never thought they’d get to experience. Not after suffering so long.
Hell, they hadn’t even realized they were all suffocating themselves until a week ago.
James had surprised himself by declaring to Alec, as the two of them hovered over Q post surgery, that he would be happy to stay if Q still wanted to. And then Alec had surprised him too by quickly agreeing, and not just because of the Aston Martins downstairs. Somewhere in all of this confusion and chaos, they had learned that it was okay for them to want something more for themselves, something better. James couldn’t believe that it had never occurred to them before this.
As children they had thought the only way to be free was to run away together. They didn’t realize that living off the grid wasn’t really freedom, not until now.
Q had shown them that.
Q, who was now staring morosely up at the white ceiling like it had just told him that he couldn’t have dessert before bed.
“Something wrong, darling?” James asked after a few more minutes had passed without him moving.
Q’s brow pinched a bit, like he was in pain, but he let his head turn towards the two of them, ignoring the morphine remote next to him.
“Nothings wrong, I just...when do we leave?” he asked finally, sounding as if he dreaded the answer.
Alec blinked in surprise, and perhaps a bit of confusion, “Um, probably have a few days left in here at most I think. Why?”
Q shrugged, the ugly patterned hospital gown slipping off of his slender shoulder at the movement. “Just curious, I suppose. Do you know where we’re going yet?”
Both James and Alec exchanged glances over the bed at each other, the two of them visibly confused.
“Ah, we haven’t started picking out flats without you if that’s what you mean. You know we’re rubbish at things like that,” Alec said slowly, still not sure what universe this conversation lived in.
That didn’t seem to be the answer Q was looking for, given the way the corners of his lips turned downwards.
James felt himself backpedaling, “We still have a few days to figure it out.”
“It’s fine. If you could just get my laptop from wherever Rhian stashed it and I can start looking for suitable residences. I just need to know what country and general region and I can take it from there,” he said, flapping his arm towards the door in hopes that one of them would obey.
“Country? Is MI6 sending us to one of their international stations? I thought we were going to be kept here at HQ?” Alec was rubbing at his head, wondering how many more relocations they’d have to go through now.
But Q’s eyes had snapped up then, full of some nameless hope as his head whipped back and forth between them, “MI6? Wait, you mean you wanted to stay? Even after I--” he glanced down at the IV in his hand meaningfully.
Finally James understood, “Q, you getting injured was terrifying for the both of us, but we’ve been assured many times that your role isn’t supposed to be in the field from here on out. You would be more protected here than anywhere else we could hope to burrow you away. And after seeing you here for the last week...Christ, it’s just been incredible to see how you’ve grown.”
“No longer the scared, pathetic and scrawny little nerd you picked up at the boys home?” Q smirked.
“Well, scrawny nerd still applies, but in a sense yeah. We like seeing you like this. Plus, we know Rhian and 008 will be there watching your back when we can’t,” as he spoke, Alec sat back down beside Q’s bed.
“And Moneypenny and M. You’ve wormed your way into many hearts it seems,” James said, poking Q in the arm.
Q looked too happy to even have the capability of being embarrassed on top of that, “So we’re staying?”
James smiled back at him, “We’re staying.”
“And we’ll be getting a better flat? One with windows?”
Alec laughed, “If you install bullet proof glass I’ll get you a place with the biggest windows we can find.”
“And I recall someone once mentioning getting a cat…” James said wistfully, trailing off with a smirk as Q all but bounced in his bed, somewhat subdued thanks to the wound in his side, but the energy was still there.
His eyes lit up suddenly, like a literal bulb had flicked on in his brain. He raised his hands and started making grabbing motions over at them and James remembered recently when that same motion was done to him as he stood over Q who was still sleeping on that couch alone. How far they’d come.
“What did you need?” he asked.
Q scoffed, “I’ve got everything I need right here. But I want my laptop right now. I need to go flat hunting and start checking the shelter sites. It’s time we made ourselves a real home.”
They couldn’t agree more.
PAST
This was terrible.
This was truly awful.
A real disaster.
His palms were already sweaty and he felt his heart stutter in his chest.
He was out of his special tea.
It was his own fault for not checking the stock before James and Alec went out on their latest job. It may have also been his fault given that he had chosen to stay up for two nights in a row, fueled by caffeine and Alec’s snacks. Maybe it was the fault of whatever jackass had decided to place missile launch information in his bloody customer database. Well, Q could have just ignored it rather than dive into the details, but that was beside the point! He was out of tea and it would be days before they got back in time to get him more.
Perhaps he could order it for delivery?
No, that would take days too since they currently lived in the middle of nowhere.
Letting out a loud groan, Q fell back onto the couch with his limbs splayed out. There was no one here to witness him, so he was allowed to be a little dramatic. Staring up at the ceiling he noted that their ceiling was starting to peel more, much like the walls had started doing months ago. He wrinkled his nose at the flat around him. It wasn’t the worst place they ever stayed, but that hardly made him feel any better about the situation. If he weren’t so paranoid about visitors, maybe they could have the landlord come in to take a look...but Q shivered at the very thought.
There was a seed of anger in his belly that he’d been faithfully cultivating for years. All of its growth was directly resultant of himself. How could he not be angry at himself for keeping him locked up all this time? He was his own worst enemy. Too scared to walk down the bloody street to buy tea. How utterly ridiculous.
Why can’t I just go outside for once? he begged himself internally. But then he stopped, frozen in his woes as he asked himself again...Why couldn’t he go outside? There was nothing physically stopping him.
Because you’re scared of going out, because they could find you, they’ll take you away, was always the answer his brain so helpfully replied. This time though that little voice wasn’t quite as loud as usual. At least it wasn’t louder than his yearning for tea. He may need to consider cutting back on caffeine.
It got him thinking though. What were the actual chances of him being spotted if he went out?
He knew from the many times that James was sent out on similar missions that the shop that carried his favorite brand was about a fifteen minute walk away. In between there were residential houses, a barber, a florist, and a bar. Hardly criminal hot spots, Q had already checked when they first moved in anyway. The CCTV feeds were limited and easily avoidable if one knew where they were. James had already figured them out and never needed Q to wipe footage of his outings. As for their neighbors, Q had looked them all up in a fit of boredom and paranoia and found that they all held enviably boring lives. All that made for a spectacularly low chance of danger if he were to step outside for approximately thirty-five to forty minutes. It was entirely possible…
Q shot up from the couch like he’d been bitten and ran into their bedroom to start tearing through their closet. His brain was firing on all cylinders as his thoughts raced.
Okay, if I’m doing this I need to go now before I chicken out. What do normal people wear outside these days? Do I have anything that fits properly? Fuck, where are my shoes? I haven’t worn them since the last time we had to move…
The racing thoughts were actually an excellent distraction from the cold sweat that was breaking out over his body and the way his heart was beating like a jackhammer against his chest. Eventually he was able to unearth one pair of his more worn in jeans to toss on along with one of his shirts. Digging through their shared dresser he even managed to find a pair of Alec’s socks that didn’t have any holes in them. For good measure, and because he knew it brought him more comfort than anything else could, he pulled on the jumper that all three of them shared. Q could still smell them all on it’s sleeves and it made his heartbeat slow down a tick.
It would also be baggy enough to hide the taser that he had stuffed in his back pocket.
Is it raining? Fuck, I should check the weather. Do I even have rain boots? I think Alec has a waterproof coat, and James has that umbrella. I’ll need a bag too for carrying the tea back. I am going to put it on fucking subscription order when I get back so this never happens again. Fuck, I hope they don’t find out. They’ll be so worried.
The length of time he spent standing in front of his door, lost in indecision, was truly embarrassing.
In the end, it was the slight pinch behind his eyes, as the caffeine withdrawal headache began to set in, that got him to actually turn the knob.
He snuck down the hall and down the stairs like a teen sneaking out of the house for a party. Q considered himself lucky though. If any of his neighbors had so much as opened their doors he was reasonably sure he would die instantly of a heart attack.
He didn’t quite know where he got the mental strength to push open the door to the outside, but there he was standing on the street. Outside.
There weren’t many people around, it was a smaller town after all. There were still a few out though. A mother pushing a pram. An older man out for a stroll with his dog. There was even a mailman delivering post. It was so strangely quaint that it immediately set Q’s nerves alight.
“Right, cause nothing's more suspicious than people not being suspicious,” he muttered to himself bitterly and forced himself to turn left. He got maybe half a block before he stopped dead in his tracks and he felt the blood drain from his face.
Fuck, should I have put on a disguise?!
“Are you alright, dear?”
Q yelped and his whole body jumped in shock as a small elderly lady suddenly appeared beside him. Well, maybe not suddenly. She was probably sitting on that bench all along and Q was just too nervous to notice her.
Her eyes widened at the reaction, blinking at him rapidly, “My goodness, aren’t you a jumpy one. Are you lost? You seem a bit anxious.”
If it weren’t for her diminutive size, paired with her obviously advanced age, Q would have probably already turned tail and run back to his flat. But she looked about as threatening as a tea cozy and Q forced himself to hold his ground.
“I’m, ah, I’m not lost. I’m headed to the shop,” he replied and then immediately cursed himself for giving away information so easily. He had to be more careful.
“First time on your own?” she asked kindly.
Q shrugged, “Um, maybe.”
She rocked her body forward onto her feet and grabbed for a cane balanced against the seat, “Well, if shopping scares you that much then I’m going to need to go with you.”
“Oh, that’s not necessary. I’m sure I can--”
“Lad, you look like you are walking to your death. Besides, I needed to get some more garlic. Indulge me in some company. My husband detests going shopping,” she muttered and held out her arm expectantly to Q.
Q did not consider himself well versed in etiquette, but he had enough knowledge in the matter to assume she was asking for him to help her walk there.
It would be the first time he touched anyone besides his lovers in almost ten years.
Cautiously, he tucked her arm over his.
“Are you new around here? I don’t think I’ve seen your face before, but then again, my memory is not what it was.”
James always said that the closer you keep to the truth, the more believable you are.
“Been here for a bit, just don’t get out much at all. I prefer to stay in. Usually one of my roommates does the shopping,” He hoped that sounded reasonable. She didn’t seem confused or alarmed at that as she nodded and she looked up at him curiously, her wrinkled face open and friendly.
“Don’t you miss going outside? I can’t stand staying in my house for more than a day at a time. Start to feel like I’m already holed up in a coffin,” her laugh was warm and deep. Q felt himself smile for a moment before he thought about her words and it fell from his lips.
“I suppose I do miss going outside sometimes,” he admitted, but he didn’t tell her that he felt safer inside. Even he knew that would raise some warning bells.
She nodded sagely and pointed her cane down the sidewalk to the right, “Turn here,” and Q led them right, “Living outside of our little homes is just as important as living within. Home is comforting, but outside is exciting.”
“Is it?”
“It can be. Just up ahead now, and we’re there.”
He’d truly never gone shopping like this before. His parents had never taken him, and he’d never gone with Alec or James. The closest he ever got was online purchases.
It was wonderful. It was...exciting.
The lady was patient and kind as she guided him through the store, showing him how to pick out the best fruits and vegetables. She didn’t even bat an eye at him as he gleefully explored the snacks section and he began to understand why James did all the shopping. If Alec was let anywhere near this section they would be eating biscuits and candy for every meal. He couldn’t help but grab a few boxes of things that would make James’ nose wrinkle.
His companion hardly seemed bothered, shrugging at his choices “You could use the carbs I suppose,” she had said and then showed him where the tea was kept. Thankfully, she didn’t say a word when he took every single canister in stock and shoved it in his basket.
“Was your roommate not able to go shopping for you this week?” she asked after Q had begun to raid the cheeses.
“Oh, my roommates are both in Germany right now,” He didn’t know that there were so many varieties of brie!
A wistful look flashed over her features, “Oh, it’s absolutely stunning there this time of year. How lucky they are to get to see it. Maybe next time you can go too?”
Q pursed his lips and shrugged. He wasn’t quite sure how far his current bravado would take him, or if it would last past that day, but it was a nice thought. He’d look up pictures of Germany in the fall when he got back to the flat, out of curiosity of course.
He ended walking down every aisle in the store even after he’d filled his basket to the brim and really didn’t need anything else. The lady had played tour guide the entire time, holding her small bag of garlic as she indulged his rampant curiosity.
As their little adventure came to a close, he was too distracted by his bag of goodies to get properly worked up at having to interact with the girl at the register. And he was surprised with how sad he was when his companion gave her goodbyes at the door.
“I’m going to stop by a friend’s house before heading home, so we part ways here lad,” she said kindly.
“Oh,” he tried to hide the disappointment in his voice, “Well, thank you for helping me.”
“Not a problem dear. You were quite entertaining. I do hope to see you outside more,” she said before walking off, leaving him alone on the sidewalk again.
He shifted the bag in his hands, noting there was a small space left at the top just as his belly rumbled. There was still an itchy urgency in the back of his brain that was trying to get him to run back home with his bag and never think or speak of this outing again...but he ignored it.
Now, where is that bakery that Alec got those muffins from…
The bakery took him a little further from his flat, but it was worth every step and bead of anxiety induced sweat.
He had found the muffins and so much more.
He knew for a fact that the gruff pastry chef behind the counter, with his bulging biceps and thick Russian accent, was harmless no matter how intimidating he was. He had calmly waited as Q fretted over the multitude of choices laid out before him, and then waved it off when Q finally grabbed his bag of treats and noticed an extra danish tucked inside.
“You need to eat, boy,” was his reply before he turned back to the dough he’d been kneading. Q decided not to correct him and left with his extra goodies.
His arms were quite full now, so Q turned to head home. His heart was still rapidly beating, but this time he didn’t know if it was from fear or from excitement. He was still nervous enough that he felt his hands shaking, but he was still walking, not running! He could feel the sun on his skin, and breathe in the fresh air.
He only stopped one more time on his way back, and that was because of a small tabby cat that had called out as he passed her sitting on a bench.
After only five minutes of petting her, Q decided that he liked cats a lot. He’d have to research them further when he got back. He had a lot to research when he got back. He also may have a lot of thinking in general.
Today wasn’t supposed to have happened. He was supposed to have stayed home where it was safe, where no one would ever find him, but instead he had chosen to ignore all that. As much as he enjoyed his time out here, was it worth the risk? What would Alec and James say? He didn’t want to upset them. They were always so scared to lose him again.
In the last few streets he walked to get home, his mind was a whirlwind of possibilities and hope, ramifications and anxiety.
The world was nothing like Q’s tortured brain had made it up to be. There were so many kind and caring souls out there, living blissfully dull lives with no fear of what lay around the corner. There were sweet cats that sat on benches in the hope of a human stopping by to give them scratches. There were bakers whose lives were dedicated to bringing sweetness to others. And there were older folk, those who have seen so much in their lives both good and bad, but still found the kindness to help a frightened looking stranger on their street.
That had never been Q’s life.
He almost wished it had been.
These people got to go about their daily lives, not ever having tasted the bitter and dark criminal world that existed on the edges of society. Q envied them.
And then he thought of the very reason why he was out here. The reason he stayed up two nights in a row scraping through some random database looking for anything about missiles and launch pads. Something that could possibly end up ruining all of that.
I can’t let that happen.
I won’t let it happen.
Hello, World. I’m Q.
The End.