Archive of Our Own ^beta

Andrew woke up with the unexplainable feeling that something was wrong. He didn’t know what it was; everything was in the same place he left it, there were no noises that he wasn’t able to explain, and Garrett was curled up next to him like normal. 

But something was off.

He made his way to the coffee pot, trying to ignore the feeling of ants crawling on his body when he knew there wasn’t any. He thinks dropping his favorite cup was what started the whole thing. Something in his chest tightened as he watched the cup clatter and smash across the floor. However, it never loosened. Whatever had tightened decided that it wasn’t going to let go and Andrew found himself struggling to breathe in and then out and then at all.

Garrett came in a second later, having heard the commotion, to find his boyfriend curled up with his knees to his chest, crying and gasping for breath amongst a sea of broken glass. As much as it pained him, Garrett dealt with the glass first so he could reach Andrew without either of them hurting themselves. 

When the glass was completely off the floor, Garrett knelt down to his boyfriend.

“I got you. It’s gonna be okay,” Garrett wrapped him in his arms, “you’re gonna be okay.” He tried not to let his fear show through his words when he felt Andrew resisting. He grabbed Andrew’s hands to stop them from hurting each other. Crescent-shaped indents appeared on his wrist from where his nails dug into his skin. 

Garrett adjusted himself so Andrew sat between his legs, his back to Garrett’s chest. Andrew gave up the fight momentarily, letting his head fall back onto the taller’s shoulder. But then something popped up in his mind, doubt, fear, whatever, but he knew he had to get away.

“No! No, I gotta- Garrett, please!” Andrew tried to get Garrett to let go, let him get away. He didn’t want Garrett to see him like this. 

Garrett let go of his wrists and let him crawl away so he could lean up against the counter opposite him. He tucked his knees back into his chest and kept his hands away from each other by grabbing onto each other like he was giving himself a hug. Garrett situated himself so he sat criss-cross and watched helplessly. Sure, he knew how to deal with his boyfriend’s panic attacks; you get the air nice and cold and you squeeze both of his hands just a little too tightly, but this wasn’t like those. To be completely honest, Garrett had never seen Andrew have a panic attack this bad.

And he really didn’t know how to help.

“Andrew?” Garrett tried, “Can you hear me?”

Andrew’s breathing was harsh and ragged but he managed to muster out a ‘yeah.’

“Can you look at me?” At least he knew that he was cognizant. 

Andrew tried, he really did, and he even managed to meet Garrett’s eyes for a moment, but then something whispered in the back of his mind and he had to clench his eyes shut real tight and shook his head. 

“That’s alright-hey, it’s okay” Garrett watched as Andrew’s shoulders shook with the cries that tore through him, “You don’t have to.”

Garrett racked his brain for anything that would help him right now. The faint memory of a TikTok he saw a few days ago hit him out of the blue and he decided to try it.

“Andrew, I’m going to go get a rag, okay?” He wanted to make sure that Andrew knew of everything before and while it was happening, keep him grounded in the moment. When Andrew nodded, Garrett stood up and fetched a rag, wetting it with cool water before approaching Andrew again. His breathing was still rough but the tears stopped falling down his face. 

“I’m gonna put this on the back of your neck, are you alright with that?” He waited for his boyfriend’s nod before laying the rag gently on his neck, “Do you want to sit here or would you like to move to the couch?”

“Here,” Andrew muttered. Garrett hesitantly placed his hand on Andrew’s back, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Andrew relaxed into the touch slightly. He drew circles with firm pressure. 

“Do you want me to sit with you or do you want me to go?”

“Stay,” He licked his lips, his lungs finally giving him a break and letting him take a shaky breath, “please.”

“I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to.” Garrett sat down from his kneeling position and sat with his eyes closed as he leaned against the counter, giving Andrew the space he needed, but still keeping contact. 

“Thank you,” Andrew mustered out.