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Puddle Apartments. A small pool of dirty water. Were the people dirty like a puddle too? Do they live like leeches? Living off the well being of others? Destroying others lives just to make it everyday? Or do they slowly destroy themselves to live? He never had to live like this. He had money. He probably made more money in a week than those people made in a few months. They struggled when he didn’t have a care in the world. Well, before his happiness was shattered by a boy who lived like this. Who lived worse than this. Battered, bruised, bloodied…..
Raymond walked down the sidewalk as rain poured down from above. His head was pounding while the rest of his body ached. Every once and a while he would trip over his own feet. His throat still burned from throwing up that morning. Maybe drinking all that alcohol last night wasn’t a good idea, but at least it got him to sleep. Raymond’s hands were shoved in his pant’s pockets. In his pockets were his phone in the left and in the right was his wallet and a single envelope. Raymond tucked his face into the jacket as an attempt to try and warm himself.
An old, broken sign sat next to cracked walls that were decorated with graffiti. Puddle Apartments. The wording was faded but it was still able to be read. Shady figures stood around in groups giving Raymond dirty glares and once overs. Raymond kept his head down and walked into the walls of the apartment complex. The apartment building itself was dull and dark. He walked closer to the building checking the number plates. 100,101,102,103,104…… Apartment 105. Raymond gently knocked on the door. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as some people gathered together under a small awning, whispering to each other and glancing over to Raymond every once and a while. Raymond knocked on the door again. He felt uncomfortable. He knew what people would do if they’re desperate enough. A guy wearing decent clothes that seemed out of it was the perfect target. After a bit of waiting, Raymond decided he would try and come back another time. He turned and started walking to the entrance. A lady carrying an umbrella and wearing a blue sleeveless dress appeared from behind the wall. She looked very familiar.
“Excuse me miss!”
The woman seemed like she was lost in thought and didn’t notice Raymond’s call. Raymond rushed up to the lady who had now looked up and saw a stranger rushing up towards her. The lady looked stressed and nervous.Her grip on the umbrella handle tightened.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you like that.”
“It’s fine. If this is about last month’s rent, I’ll---”
“No. I’m not here for rent or anything of that sort.”
The lady’s tension seemed to dissipate quickly as her grip on the handle loosened.
“Do you happen to be Chris’s mom?”
“Yes. Did he do something bad? I’m sorry. Whatever he did, I’ll make it up to you.”
“No, no. Chris didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted to talk to him about Russell.”
The lady looked curious and somewhat excited.
“Can we continue this conversation inside? You’re just getting more soaked than you need to be.”
“Yeah. That sounds good.”
Raymond followed behind Chris’s mom as she walked towards apartment 105. She unlocked the door and gestured Raymond inside.
“Please just remove your shoes and hang your jacket up.”
Raymond did what he was asked and followed Chris’s mom. The room was small and dull. There was an old tv in the corner facing towards the table in the center of the room. In the opposite corner was a tiny kitchen.
“Take a seat at the table and I’ll get you some water.”
Raymond nodded and sat down at the table. He watched as she grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it from the tap. Water slowly ran from the tap even the cold water was turned all the way on. Was the facet broken or is like that in other apartments too?
“I never did catch your name.”
“Gwen. And your’s?”
“Raymond.”
Gwen turned off the tap and walked over and placed an almost filled glass of water.”
“Sorry. It isn’t much but that’s all I can offer you.”
“This is more than enough. Thank you.”
Raymond took a slip from the glass as Gwen took a seat at the table. She gave a strange aura that Raymond couldn’t pinpoint what it was. She slouched in the chair a bit and she had a hard time focusing on him. Was she ashamed? Was she ashamed because she could offer him more than water. Because she couldn’t barely afford to pay rent?
“Chris might not be home till 4, so you’re welcome to stay till then.”
Raymond glanced at his phone to check the time. 3:00p.m.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”
“It’s fine. It’s nice to have someone to talk to that doesn’t seem egotistical.”
The two sat in silence as neither tried to make eye contact.
“Did something happen to Russell? He used to come by sometimes or Chris would drag him here. If he came around when I was making dinner, I always tried to make him too. I knew how he was treated at home. I knew he wasn’t getting fed. He is skinny and looked like it wouldn’t be hard to break a bone. Russell never wanted to accept anything. He never wants to feel like a burden. He is such a good kid and yet he hangs around my boy. Well, at least he did. Chris hasn’t seen him in a few weeks.”
Raymond was unsure if he should tell Gwen the whole truth about Russell or only a part of it. She knew how his family treated him. She knew he had nothing. He was an innocent rabbit.
“Russell committed suicide.”
“What? No….He didn’t, right?”
Gwen’s voice was shaky and her eyes were covered in sadness. Raymond shook his head.
“Oh God no…..He was so young….so innocent…..”
Raymond gently stroked Gwen as an attempt to comfort her. She gave no notice of Raymond’s hand as she tried to hide her face with the other.
“When’s his funeral going to be or his wake?”
There wasn’t going to be one. Why would there be? He was a warren of the state because his aunt refused to set one up No one was going to host a funeral or a wake. Raymond and the others had already offered to pay for one but it was declined. Reason being…..
Why should a murderer get a funeral?
Of course that was what he was viewed as. Not a broken, beaten kid. A heartless murderer. They are just going to toss his body in a casket and put him in a graveyard and call it a day. He couldn’t tell her that there wasn’t going to be one nor could he tell Chris once he saw him. But he couldn’t say there was one if there wasn’t going to be. They would show up to nothing.
“Hey mom! I’m home!”
Both adults turned towards the door and saw a boy staring at the both of them. Gwen stood up at the table and walked over to Chris who looked very confused and concerned.
“Mom, what’s wrong? Who is he? Did he do something to you?”
“Chris, honey.”
Gwen kneeled down in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders.
“Russell…..”
Chris’s eyes became fearful. Fearful of what she was going to say.
“Is he dead?”
“...........he killed himself.”
Chris’s hands clenched into fists as tears started to drip down his face.
“No…..Did he tell you?”
“Yes. Chris!”
Chris shook off his mother’s hands and rushed towards the door. .
“He's lying! He’s lying! Why would he know? Why would he get involved with people like us?”
And with those words, Chris sprinted out the door. Both Raymond and Gwen quickly rushed to the door.
“Stay here. I’ll go get him.”
With that, Raymond was out the door. Chris was fast. Not surprising. He was young and probably has been running for the jobs he has been doing. It's sad. Sad that he had gotten fast from running the streets. Sad that he knew the streets well enough to lose Raymond. He had lost him at an intersection. Raymond tried to catch his breath. He took this time to think. Where would Chris go? He didn’t know the kid, except for a few minor details that Russell had told him. None of which helped. Rain had gotten worse and was coming down in buckets. Raymond was tried and sick. His head was pounding and his body was screaming. But none of that mattered, did it? A little headache and body pain was nothing. So what if he had a bad headache? So what if he had body pain? This was only a rare occasion that he felt this way. It wasn’t everyday of his life. It wasn’t every second of every day. He grew up in a stable home. He knew that he wouldn’t wake up to find his home in shambles. That the water had been cut off or that he was being thrown out of his house. That kid lived everyday knowing he was going to be beaten. He knew one day everything was going to catch up to him and break him. Break him more than he already was.
Raymond didn’t want that happening to Chris. Raymond only knew some things about Chris which Russell had told him. He lives in an unstable house that at the same time is stable. Chris knows that one day he could be thrown out of his apartment. That’s why he picks up odd jobs no matter how dangerous. He tries to support his mother with any amount of money he can get. He hates what his mom does. Chris hates that she degrades herself so that he can live with a roof over his head. So, a little pain is nothing.
Raymond started running again. He had an idea where the boy had gone. The rain had seemed to be getting worse by the second. His legs started to throb and the pounding in his head had gotten worse along with a feeling of nausea. Raymond came to an apartment complex that looked in worse condition than Puddle Apartments. There was chatter between the people about Apartment 201. The stairs creaked and shook with each step as Raymond climbed them. The landing was rusty and the railing was coming apart. Through the doors and walls, there was small chatter. It annoyed Raymond. There was yelling and screaming, wasn’t there? Russell said there was. Why didn’t anyone do anything? Didn’t they care? Probably not. No one cares about someone until it becomes their problem. These people couldn’t afford to mess around with something that wasn’t their problem. But even being one of the lowest denominations of wealth, Chris tried to make things better. Even if it wasn’t going to the police, he at least tried to make Russell’s life bearable.
The lock on the door to Apartment 201 was broken. Raymond gently pushed open the door and closed it behind. There was a muffling sound of sniffling. The room was larger than Chris’s and had a large sofa along with a table. Raymond doubted the sofa was the same as when Russell was here. Raymond tried his best to keep quiet as he walked into the next room. There was a single bed on the far side of the room. Behind it was a window with curtains which were closed at the time. The sniffling became louder and evolved into sobs. Raymond quietly walked towards the door that was at the left of the room. Behind the door was Chris curled in a ball crying in the corner. Chris didn’t seem to have noticed Raymond entering the room. Raymond went closer to Chris but left space enough as to not make the boy uncomfortable especially since the boy didn’t seem to trust him. He saw down on the floor with his legs crossed.
“How did you know?”
His words were shaky. Chris moved his head to rest on his knees staring at the chest in front of him. His eyes were glistening as tears quickly rolled down his face. Raymond tried to think of an answer that didn’t lead to more questioning but nothing came to mind. Instead, he went for a more truthful approach.
“I…..saw the aftermath.”
“How? You don’t seem like a cop. I doubt you are a funeral director, cause you wouldn’t know my address.”
Damn. Chris was a sharp boy even when his ability to think was probably hindered.
“I worked with him for about a week before he killed himself. He was a good kid and he talked about you sometimes.”
“What was the program?”
“A research program.”
“What was it called? And why was Russell involved?”
From Chris’s tone, he was getting frustrated with Raymond’s half-assed answers. Chris was eventually going to corner him where he had to tell him the full truth. Raymond sighed.
“Can I ask you a question first?”
“What?”
“Is there anything that would make you hate Russell? Anything at all.”
“No! Russell was my best friend! He could have never done anything to make me hate him.”
Chris was upset and concerned. What was this strange man going to tell him about his dead best friend?
“It’s called the Happy Dream program. Happy Dream was a drug designed to make people feel guilt. It’s a very dangerous drug that can only be used on people sentenced to death row.”
The words hurt his throat. Guilt. The thing that drove Russell over the edge. The thing that’s killed Raymond from the inside. Chris picked up his head and for the first time that conversation, Chris made eye contact with wide eyes.
“What do you mean death row? Death row for people who major crimes like murder……”
Dots slowly seemed to connect in Chris’s head. Maybe not all the murders Russell committed, but maybe the reason that Russell’s parents aren’t in the apartment. Chris leaned his back on his knees as he pulled his legs closer.
“They don’t give death to people, especially kids, who kill two people, do they?”
“No….”
“How many then?”
“Eight.”
Raymond hated it. He hated talking about the murders. He hated talking about what Russell did. That wasn’t Russell. He was a kind, shy boy that tried his best to keep to himself. He wasn’t a cold hearted killer. Russell was a pure, innocent boy that had seen too much for his age. Disgusting. No one cared what that kid went through. No one tried to know. All he was murder. And he helped drive him to suicide. Yeah….Raymond helped the kid become a success only to have him drive that syringe into his throat. Over and over and over…..and over…..Raymond gagged.
“Hey! You ok?”
Raymond rushed over to the empty trash near the washing machine. Chris hurried over to Raymond and started stroking his back. The burning sensation that had slowly been fading had quickly returned. It was worse that morning. Maybe because this time it was purely acidic bile. Sweat poured down Raymond's face. He started to become light-headed. Raymond stubbled backwards as he tried to stand back up.
“Woah! Watch it. Just relax.”
Chris grabbed Raymond’s hand and tried his best to guide him to lean against the wall and onto the floor. Chris sat against the wall but kept a decent amount of space between him and Raymond. He watched as the man panted and sweated. Raymond pulled his legs up to his chest and stared down at the floor. It was quiet for a bit as both never tried to start up the conversation again.
Rain pounded against the roof. Violent, yet calming. It was a pretty sound. Chris had spent days listening to it with Russell. The rainy days were one of the few that Russell fell asleep. Russell had a habit of sleep on Chris’s shoulder. One of the rare occasions that Russell looked at peace. He looked happy.
“Did he look happy?”
“Yeah. Happiest I ever seen him. Cruel irony.”
“I’m happy. I’m happy Russell’s dead.”
Raymond watched as Chris jumped up from the floor and stood proudly in front of him. Chris had a big grin on his face with his hands on his hips. The energy and aura slowly started to break down. Words that were strong and loud became small whispers. His arms moved upward to wrap around himself. His knees fell to the floors as tears started to flow.
“I’m happy Russell’s dead. I’m..happy...Russell’s..dead….I’m….happy…..Russell’s…….”
Crying and bawling. Raymond moved to kneel next to Chris. He gently pulled Chris closer to his chest. Chris wanted to lie to himself. He knew Russell was in a better place and wanted to convince himself that he truly was happy. Happy that Russell was in a better place. A place where no one would beat him. Where he could be a happy kid. Chris’s crying was getting louder and louder. He grabbed Raymond’s jacket and buried his face into the jacket. Raymond gingerly stroked Chris’s hair. Tears gradually ran down Raymond’s face.
____________________________________________________________
The sun was shining with not a single cloud in the sky. There was a calm breeze that ruffled the grass blades. A bouquet of gladioli, pink carnations, red chrysanthemums, purple hyacinths, primroses, and yellow zinnias laid in front of the gravestone. Chris was kneeling in front of the grave adjusting the flowers to make sure they were perfectly placed. Raymond was polishing off the gravestone. Both the boys stood up and walked over next to Gwen. Smiles were adorned on their faces.
"I have something to give to you two. I meant to give to you guys the first time we met, but things kinda side tracked."
Chris and Gwen looked over at Raymond with curious eyes. Raymond pulled out an envelope from his pocket and handed it to Gwen.
"You can open now if you want, just be careful with it."
Gwen nodded and carefully opened the envelope. Chris slipped in-between his mother's arms to watch closely. She pulled out something wrapped in a sheet of paper. The sheet of paper had Raymond’s and few other people’s contact info that Chris and Gwen didn’t know. Wrapped in the paper were many hundred dollar bills.
“We can’t accept this.”
Gwen put the money back into the envelope and held it out for Raymond to take.
“It’s for you and Chris. I don’t want it. It makes me feel horrible.”
Gwen was confused by what he meant.
“Well, if it makes you better, we’ll gladly take it.”
Gwen stared in disbelief as Chris pushed the envelope back towards his mother.
“If you are sure, we’ll accept. Thank you so much. I’ll pay you back.”
“Just take care of Chris and yourself. That’s all the repayment I need.”
Raymond smiled.
“I will. Thank you so much….”
Gwen started to tear up a little.
“Hey! No need to get emotional. It’s ok.”
He gently rubbed and patted her shoulders as an attempt to calm down. Raymond looked over at the grave and saw Chris kneeling directly in front of the grave plate. Chris was talking in a whisper and Raymond couldn’t make out what he was saying. He stood up and turned around holding something. It was a small, white rabbit. Chris was smiling and hugged the rabbit close to him. Raymond and Gwen leaned down a bit to pet the rabbit with bright smiles.
“You really are an adorable rabbit, Russ.”