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Gangneung Ice Arena, February 25th 2018. Olympic Winter Games 2018, Figure skating Gala exhibition.
This is the end, and there is a bit of longing in his bones as he basks in the cheers of the audience, thanking the crowd and waving his arms at those countless smiling faces he can’t discern in the gala lighting but he can still feel, as if he could be in their minds and their hearts, be one with them.
It is the end and there is a bit of fear, too, deep down behind his grin. He’s come to terms with it. Things are going to change, but some changes are scarier than others. He doesn’t know if his ankle will be all right, if he will ever again be able to jump lutz and loop without feeling that sickening stab in his foot, if he will ever be able to land his jumps without having to drown the pain with painkillers. He only knows there are more goals he wants to conquer, and he won’t let pain defeat him.
But his ankle isn’t the only thing he worries about, when doubts creep in and damp the shine of these Games.
This is the end, and the start of something new. He wants to brave this new world, he wants to cherish everything it will bring.
Some things are just meant to change.
Like he and Javi.
This might be their last Gala together. Not their last time on the ice, but their last time as rink mates, as competitors who grew together to reach the pinnacle of their sport.
He doesn’t like the thought.
But like it or not, this is how it’s going to be.
A few days ago, after he talked with Javi, after Javi explained why he was leaving their shared home, Toronto – when Javi said: I’m leaving Canada, but I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving you –, he’s promised himself this one thing: enjoy this last time till its very end.
The gala is everything he has ever dreamed of and more.
In the finale all is laughter and brimming joy, but even then, he and Javi find a little moment for themselves.
They’re lapping around the rink with the other skaters, and he knows Javi is right there behind him. So close.
How easily they always find each other.
He doesn’t need to turn around. He just reaches back, and Javi understands, reaches out, joins their hands. They give a little squeeze, before letting go. It's brief.
It's enough.
He doesn’t know how long they will last. There is a bit of a thrill, knowing their time might end soon, or maybe it will blossom into something even more beautiful.
Maybe it will change, just like he and Javi are changing too, like they’ve been changing all this time. Maybe they can still be themselves without Toronto, without sharing the ice, without being rivals. Maybe…
And yet… today is today, and these are the Olympic Games, and he is here, and he won. And he is loved.
And Javi is here, and he won too, and he is loved.
He doesn’t know how his future will be, how their future will be, if they will have one together at all.
But this is the present, and it tastes like happiness, and he won’t forget it.