Chapter Text
Fire erupted.
It bloomed from the center of Wayne Manor in a roaring ball of angry, orange heat and debris before it slumped in upon itself, crumbling inward like faulty cake. It was the cave. The Manor was falling in on top of the Batcave.
Dick knew what he was seeing on the holo-display of his gauntlet. He understood it on a cerebral level but something about it just wouldn't register. It wouldn't sink in. It was like some part of him was trying to deny it, trying to force it out of his awareness and drag him down into blissful delusion.
He knew what the Knightfall Protocol was. He knew what it meant—at least in theory. He just never actually believed that Bruce would go through with it. He had always assumed Alfred would talk him out of it if it ever came to that.
Shit…Alfred…
"Crazy, fucking bastard." He whispered into the night.
His comms hissed.
"Dick," Barbara said into his ear, voice pitched high and almost frantic. "It's Bruce, he's—"
"I saw, O." Dick replied, voice rough and low. "I saw…"
"Do you think—do you think he really…" she trailed off, unable to finish the question.
He was afraid of that answer too.
"I dunno," He replied. "He never told me more. He never mentioned a bomb shelter or aliases…I just…I don't know…"
"Dick," Barbara's tone was edged with something that made his skin prickle, it forced his full attention on her. "The Arkham Knight—"
"He got the bastard, right? Because so help me—"
"No—I mean, he did—kind of…Dick, the Arkham Knight was Jason."
Images slashed intrusively through his mind:
Eyes the color of the clouds in storm; a chin jutting upward cocky and sure; a crooked, mischievous grin…
That was what finally undid him. That was what finally caused his legs to give out on him as he slumped to the floor of the rooftop. "Jason?" He whispered.
"Yeah…" Barbara replied, her voice soft and even. "He's alive. He helped save Bruce in the end. Bruce got through to him."
So much was happening, too much. "How?"
It was one word but Barbara knew what question he was asking. ”Joker lied. He kept him locked up in some secret part of Arkham Asylum. He tortured him, Dick. He turned him against us, turned him against Bruce." Barbara took a breath like she was trying to focus her thoughts. "But he's still in there. The Jason we know. He's still in there. He kept me safe. He wouldn't let Scarecrow dose me with the fear toxin. He didn't let his goons touch me. He even asked about Alfred."
Dick got to his feet and his back went straight like a rod had been jabbed in through the back of his neck. "Where is he?"
"I don't know. He was last seen at Arkham Mansion but I have no idea where he went from there. He could be anywhere. He could already be miles from Gotham."
"He isn't." Dick replied, leaping from the roof. He fired his grapple using the line to ease his descent as he dropped down to his motorcycle.
"How do you know?” Barbara demanded.
"He isn't," Dick repeated.
He felt an old, grief-laced madness boil up inside of him. It was a feeling that had driven him to the brink of his sanity and his physical limits. It had left him beaten and savage. It had frayed the bonds between himself, Bruce, Alfred, and Barbara. He hadn’t recognized himself.
He thought he had buried that part of himself along with the memory of an impulsive boy desperate to prove himself. That feeling scared him but he let resurface, he was going to need it.
Bruce was gone; he was either dead or in hiding. Dick didn't know which. In either case, he wasn't solving that mystery unless Bruce wanted him to. But he could find Jason. He could find him and bring him home. That was exactly what he was going to do, even if it killed him.
-0-0-0-
"Maybe we should get that light on the roof changed." Cash suggested as Cobblepot stumbled to the floor in front of him.
"Thanks for the offer, but this isn't permanent," Dick answered. Just doin Timmy and Barb a favor while they're off relaxing on some tropical beach. He didn't say out loud.
“Goddamn, twirling fairy,” Penguin grumbled bitter and caustic under his breath.airy
"Guess the 'Haven still needs you." Cash nodded. "We've got the Ghost of Batman, Robin, and this new guy calling himself the Red Hood to keep an eye on things."
Eager, frenetic fists; a wicked wit; hair that was like dark ink spilling over fresh paper.
Dick's heart nearly exploded out of his chest. "Red Hood?"
"Yeah, assumed he was a friend of yours." Cash frowned. "He's been down in China Town cleaning up Black Mask's weapons smuggling operation."
"Right,” Dick replied and immediately turned on his heel and left.
Once out of the elevator he swung over to another rooftop. "It's him, Lucius."
"Who?" Fox came through on the comms.
"Jason. The Red Hood. It's him."
“How do you know?"
"It's an identity the Joker used before he was the Joker." He chuckled bitterly. "It's fitting actually. Jay always did have a dark sense of humor."
-0-0-0-
Dick's mouth was dry as sunbaked asphalt. He licked his teeth and swallowed to try and remedy that. He watched the Red Hood move, watched him kick the man out the window.
It was Jason.
How had Bruce not seen it?
It was there in the way he fought, all brutality and wild abandon. It was there in the reckless swagger of his stride.
Dick dropped down silently onto the balls of his feet behind him, mesmerized beyond good sense.
"Say 'hi' to the Joker for me." Red Hood dismissed flippantly before he turned to stalk away.
He froze corpse-still when he came face to face with Dick.
"Wasn't him." Dick found himself saying, his mouth moving without his permission.
It wasn’t the right thing to say but he had no idea what to say. He had been imagining this moment the past two months but all his careful plannings had been wiped clean when faced with the reality of being in Jason Todd’s presence once again.
He noticed the faint tremor that went through the other man's body.
"What?" The Hood demanded, moving into a fighting stance, voice synthesized by the helmet.
"Wasn't really Black Mask. It was a double. Someone else in Sionis' mask." He shrugged. "Not the first time he's pulled that trick."
"Whatever," Red Hood growled and by now Dick was absolutely certain it was him. He could feel it right down through the corded nerves in his spine, an electric resonance that had the fine hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. "I'll find him and I'll end him eventually." His knees bobbed as he lowered in his stance.
Dick held up his empty hands in a placating gesture. "I'm not here to fight…Little Wing."
That name was like honey mixed with ash on his tongue.
A lean, muscular frame beneath his own; heavy, tepid breaths fanning across his face; the smell of sweat and worn polyethylene; a heartbeat stuttering against his chest like a butterfly imprisoned in a jar…
The Red Hood's fists tightened, his chest pumped up and down violently. "You here to bring me in, Dickie-bird?"
"No."
"You didn't keep me from killing him."
"Could I have?"
"No."
Dick took a cautious step forward. "Jay—“
"Don’t!" Jason pulled up a pistol and pointed it right at him.
Dick took a deep breath and took another step forward. "You're not gonna shoot me, Little Wing." Years of forging his instincts to react instantly to having a firearm pointed at him warred against his urge rush forward and envelop Jason in a bear hug.
"I'll kill you." Jason's voice cracked and hitched up an octave, which sounded odd when mechanized by the helmet.
"No. You won't." Dick kept his own tone soft and soothing. He took another slow step, telegraphing his every move. "I couldn't believe it. When Barb told me—I hadn't dared to—but I knew it was true the moment she told me. Knew it was you when I heard about the Red Hood." Another step. "I looked for you…I refused to believe it when Bruce showed me the video." He shook his head. “I kept looking after that…for almost another year." He stopped. "I'm so sorry, Jay…I should've…I should've looked harder…I should've never given up."
"Shut up!" Jason roared and swung the pistol in a wild arc at his face.
Reflex took over and saved Dick from the blow. He jerked his head back, narrowly avoiding the strike.
"I'm so sorry," Dick repeated.
Jason rushed him then, all ferocity and desperation. Dick focused all his energy on evading, relying almost completely on his aikido and taijiquan training. Sticking exclusively to two forms of fighting was dangerous, especially with an opponent as skilled as Jason but he was unwilling to hurt him. He was fortunate because Jason was clearly not fighting at his best and it allowed Dick to catch a strike. It allowed him to twist his hips with it and then snap them back around and flip Jason over. He never lost control of the throw and brought Jason down almost gently.
"Jay, stop." He pleaded as he straddled over him.
He didn't notice that Jason had pulled out a flashbang and freed the pin. Jason let the grenade roll a couple of feet away. Dick had heard flashbang hit the floor and just managed to close his eyes before it went off but both the sound of the blast and the shock of white behind his lids were enough to provide Jason with an opening. He brought his knee none too gently into Dick's groin and shoved him away.
Dick gritted his teeth through the pain and scrambled to his feet, not for the first time thankful for his well-made body armor. He ran after Jason half-blind and with his ears ringing. He shouldn't be chasing him but he didn't know what else to do. He was terrified that if he lost him Jason would go to ground or leave Gotham and Dick would lose him for good. He'd lost him once, he wasn't going to lose him again.
He blinked his eyes rapidly and followed Jason up the stairs and onto the roof. His ears had cleared and he could track the huffing of Jason's breath through his helmet and the thudding of his boots. On instinct, he threw an eskrima stick and he managed to connect it with the back of Jason's knee.
"Fuck!" Jason cursed and thudded to the ground.
Dick hurled himself on top of him pinning him. Jason thrashed like fish on the line beneath him.
"Jason, please." Dick gripped his wrists. "Just look at me." His legs pressed into Jason's. His head pushed hard into Jason's shoulder as he weathered his frantic bucking. "Please, Little Wing."
To his surprise Jason actually stopped, leaving only the heavy rise and fall of his labored breathing. Slowly, Dick lifted his head to look down at him.
"I'm not letting you go." He said, voice low and emotion bleeding through. "Not when I just got you back."
"Why do you give a shit?" Jason demanded but his voice wasn’t harsh. It was almost a whimper.
"Always have,” Dick replied. "God, Jay, when you went missing…I—I almost lost it. I became a version of me I didn’t recognize. I was so angry. I—“ he bit his lower lip. "Can you please take that thing off so I can look at you?"
"This is me," Jason replied and Dick knew he meant it.
They all felt that to a degree. It had been trained into them by the man who had maybe actually killed himself to become the ghostly embodiment of justice, so yeah, he knew a little something about that. So he nodded.
"Yeah, it's one part of you." Dick conceded. "But it's not all of you."
Jason didn't protest but Dick could feel the tension running through him like a plucked length of wire. He jiggled his wrist and Dick took it as a signal to let it go. He loosened his grip and Jason pressed a section of the helmet and the visor slid up revealing a face he would've known anywhere. It was an older face, a wearier face, but it was a face he knew. It was a face that had haunted his nightmares the past four years. Even with the angry scar in the shape of a—
"Oh, Jay…" he whispered and instinctively reached out and stroked his thumb gently along the raised, puffy flesh.
Jason closed his eyes and grimaced as though it burned him.
Dick’s heart literally felt like it was breaking and his eyes began to sting.
It was a brand. It was a lasting mark of what the Joker had done; a mark for the whole world to see.
Jason’s eyelids squeezed tighter and he turned his face away.
"Look at me." Dick coaxed.
Jason didn't budge.
Dick reached up and pulled at his own mask, tugging it down around his neck. "Little Wing…”
Jason let out a long breath and turned and opened his eyes. Their eyes met and Dick smiled and knew his own eyes were probably swimming.
"Hey…" he whispered.
Jason cleared his throat and his eyes were also starting to tear. "Hey…"
Dick smiled, the muscles in his mouth wavering as he did. "Missed you."
Jason swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing. "Okay…"
Dick knew it would be expecting way too much to hope for Jason to say it back.
"Dickie-bird," Jason's lips tugged up lightly at one corner. "You're kinda crushing me."
Dick blurted out a laugh. "Promise not to pull a gun on me, hit me, or run away again."
Jason made a show of rolling his eyes. "Way to take all the fun out of it, Circus Guy."
Dick gave him a long look.
"Alright, alright," Jason grumbled. "Promise."
Dick hesitated for a moment before removing himself and sitting cross-legged. Jason sat up and drew his knees to his chest, resting his arms on top of them. They were silent for a long time and kept glancing at one another before looking away.
"So…" Dick finally broke the silence. "What you been up to?"
Jason cocked an eyebrow. They broke into laughter that was intense and sudden, almost manic and seasoned with the weight of everything that had happened to them. When their laughter finally started to sputter out Jason glanced at him from the corner of his eyes. "I…I mis—It's good to see you, Grayson."
And that made Dick feel like he was lighting up from the inside out.
"Where you staying?" Dick asked.
"Originally Killinger's but 'Dad' busted the place up." Jason gave a bitter smirk. "But…s’not like there's a shortage of abandoned buildings around these days…thanks to me…"
Dick couldn't stop himself. "You could always crash with me."
Jason’s whole body went stiff as Kevlar.
"I got warm water, two-day-old pizza, and a couch." He let his eyes roll up and down Jason's body. "You've grown a bit but you should fit into some of my clothes if you need'em."
Jason blinked at him. He opened and closed his mouth a few times and then ducked his head. "Thanks…but—“
"C'mon," Dick urged, trying to stave off the panic that was seeping into him. "Staying with me and dealing with my off brand—though charming—humor, can't be worse than some abandoned warehouse or office building."
Jason looked up at him.
"Please,” Dick pleaded with his voice and his eyes.
Jason gave an awkward laugh. “Okay, fine. Enough with the puppy eyes." He groused but the way he glanced at Dick from under his lashes dulled the barb of his tone and words. "Jesus, Dick, way to wear a guy down."
"Awesome," Dick didn't even try to hide his stupid, shit eating grin.
-0-0-0-
Had Dick known that morning he would be bringing home a battle-weary Jason Todd, he would have at least made an attempt to clean up his apartment; it looked like Killer Croc had been on a rampage in there. He had been so distracted with figuring out Bruce's estate with Tim during the day and fighting crime and searching for Jason at night that he'd allowed his home to decay into chaos (or more chaos than usual).
Upon entering through the balcony and flicking on the lights he immediately went into a frenzy and began picking up discarded clothes—great, that is definitely underwear—and used cereal bowls.
Jason sniggered. "Looks like some things haven't changed."
Dick scooped a bowl from his coffee table and then snatched a pair of discarded boxer briefs off the floor and tucked said boxer briefs into the back of his belt then promptly turned in a futile attempt to hide them from Jason.
"I've been, uh, distracted lately." Dick defended.
"Uh, huh..." Jason intoned, eyes glancing around the space.
"You can sleep in the bed. I'll take the couch." Dick said as he continued his frantic cleanup, depositing dishes in the sink and dumping an arm full of clothes into his bathroom hamper.
He forgot about the underwear tucked into the back of his belt.
"I'm not kicking you out of your bed." Jason frowned.
"I'm giving it to you. And I won't take no for an answer. When was the last time you slept in an actual bed?"
Jason just looked away from him.
"Exactly," Dick concluded feeling his point had been made.
"The guest room is all gym and training stuff but we can make it into something livable."
Dick froze feeling the gravity of what he just said, the severity of what he just implied. He implied something long-term, something permanent. He could feel Jason's eyes on him and turned to face him. Jason’s eyes shot downward and Dick could see the muscles in his jaw working as it clenched and unclenched.
He walked to Jason and gripped his shoulder. "Let's just focus on tonight, okay. One foot in front of the other and all that."
Jason gave him a single nod in response and Dick kicked himself mentally for his carelessness. He was lucky Jason had agreed to come at all he had no business making plans for him. He was just so fucking thrilled to have him back, he couldn’t seem to get himself to slow down and think properly.
Dick turned to go back to his cleaning when Jason actually snorted into laughter. "It's kinda hard to take you seriously with underwear tucked into your suit."
Heat flooded to Dick's face and he snatched the offending garment out from his belt, balled it up, and rushed it to the hamper. All the while Jason's laughter trailed after him.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Dick grumbled but he was smiling. It was good to hear Jason laugh. "So, clothes for you."
"I'm fine in this, Dickie."
Dick frowned at him.
"I'm used to basically living in my suit." Jason shrugged.
That hit Dick like a garbage truck. Of course, Jason was used to that. The Joker had basically kept him in his Robin costume for who knows how long. He had been nothing but the mission as the Arkham Knight. Dick was going to change that. He was going to make him remember being a person.
"You're taking a hot shower and wearing soft, clean clothes," Dick informed not willing to argue.
Jason blinked at him for a moment before chuckling and rubbing at the back of his neck. ”Still so damn bossy…”
Dick went into his room and kicked yet more of his own dirty, discarded clothes under the bed or into the closet. Apparently, he literally just stripped as he walked through his home. How had he not known that about himself? He was a mess.
He reached into one of his drawers and retrieved a fresh pair sweatpants and a soft grey t-shirt. He even pulled out a pair of boxer briefs and walked them to the bathroom.
Jason followed him in a shocking and uncharacteristic display of obedience. "So, do you just not do laundry and buy new clothes as you need'em?"
It made Dick feel good to hear him tease a little. It made him feel like maybe he was helping.
"Kinda..." He smirked over his shoulder. "Sometimes Alfred drives down here and takes care of the laundry for me."
They both laughed at first but it drew up short when they both simultaneously remembered that Alfred was gone.
Dick cleared his throat and placed the clothes on the bathroom counter. "You shower." He grabbed a fresh towel from his linen closet. "I'll get us food. You still like Chinese takeout I hope."
Jason gave a small smile and nodded.
"Seems appropriate. That's all I could think about when we were in China Town." He slipped past Jason to give him privacy. "General Tao's chicken is still your fave, right?"
Again Jason went still and once again and Dick wondered if he's said something stupid.
"You remember..." Jason whispered.
"Of course,” Dick replied. "We used to always get take-out after patrol. You love kebab and shrimp tacos too. Your favorite pizza is Hawaiian. Your favorite ice cream is cosmopolitan." He took a breath, but the words continued to spill out of him in an unchecked deluge of memory and emotion. "I remember everything about you; your favorite color is red; you love to read; you're the best krav maga fighter I've ever seen; your favorite video game is Mario Kart; you're—"
"Stop," Jason choked out and Dick's teeth clicked as he forcibly shut his mouth.
"Sorry."
"No..."Jason turned his back to him. "It's just—I'm not that person anymore."
"Of course not." Dick agreed. "You've grown up. you've been through shit none of us can imagine." He wanted to go to him. He wanted to hug him. But he kept himself glued to where he was. "But it's still part of who you are." He smiled. "Besides, how could you stop loving General Tao's chicken?"
Jason's shoulder's moved as he laughed but it was a wet laugh and Dick suspected he might be crying.
"General Tao's sounds great." He finally said.
"Cool," Dick answered. "And extra egg rolls."
"And extra egg rolls."
Dick couldn't see him but knew he was at least trying to smile. He left him there to have his privacy and shut the door before leaning forward and resting his head against the painted wood.
He focused on his breathing. He tried to level out. He tried to stem the terror he was feeling. He was in uncharted waters here and he felt like he was screwing up at every turn. He wanted so badly to make things better for Jason but he didn’t know how.
He stayed there until he heard the shower start and then turned to order the food. That, at least, he could do.
-0-0-0-
"Jesus...I missed Four Joys..." Jason leaned back into the couch cushions and patted his stomach.
Dick placed the carton of Mongolian beef down on the coffee table. "Can't beat it. Best Chinese in the 'Haven."
Jason looked different out of his leather jacket and helmet. He looked smaller. Which was absurd. Jason had grown a full two inches taller than Dick and was probably even a little more built than him too. But out of his armor and weapons, Dick could see the teen he'd fought beside and helped train to be his successor. The Stubborn kid who argued with him and had one hell of a temper. He saw the kid who was in awe of Batman and of being a vigilante.
Dick wanted nothing more than to lean in and run his fingers through the dark strands of Jason's still damp hair.
Jason turned to look at him and Dick realized he'd been caught gawking but couldn't bring himself to look away. Jason's eyebrows went up slightly.
"Still can't believe you're here." Dick finally said.
"That makes two of us."
Dick kept staring. His eyes fell to the brand below Jason's eye and he hated the Joker. Not for the first time he was glad he was dead. He’s not sure he’d have ever killed madman himself but it didn't mean he hadn't wanted to kill him, hadn't wanted him dead. He was glad that maniac was gone for good.
He wanted to do something stupid like lean in and press his lips to that brand, let Jason know it didn't make him a monster, let him know he could see what Jason had gone through and still loved him.
That was also what was scaring Dick. It's what had his heart pounding in his throat as they continued to look at one another. He had always cared about Jason. They had always been close, even if they bickered a good deal.
Everything had hit a tipping point right before Jason had been taken by the Joker. They had been sparing down in the Batcave, Jason always eager to prove himself and Dick always enjoying the chance to show off to him. He had gotten a foot around Jason’s ankle and tripped him but Jason had surprised him and flung his limbs around Dick and pulled them both onto the mats.
They wrestled, both of them twisting and grunting as they tried to pin the other. Eventually, Dicks size, experience, and flexibility won out and he managed to pin Jason under him but by then they were both panting and sweating.
Dick had been grinning and opened his mouth to say something witty but then he had seen the heated look in Jason’s eyes, his pupils blown wide, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Dick had suddenly become highly aware of everywhere they were touching, their hips slotted together.
He could feel Jason’s heartbeat, his own breath became stilted. Jason’s eyes glanced down to his lips and then back up again. Dick’s mind had gone muzzy and he felt tugged downward. Everything felt tense and vivid. He had tilted his head, Jason had strained his head upward.
And that was obviously when Bruce had decided to come down into the cave.
“Enough!” He had bellowed, causing the bats to scatter out from amongst the stalagmites.
Dick had jumped to his feet, all dewy erotic desires shriveling in the face of the Batman’s disapproval.
Jason’s face had been beet red and a mix of angry and mortified.
“Jason, upstairs.” Bruce had ordered, his tone flat but his anger simmering below the surface.
“N—” Jason had started only to be stopped by a glare from Bruce.
“Now.” He had practically growled through his teeth.
Even Jason had known when not to cross Bruce and the teen had scrambled to his feet and ran up into the Manor leaving the two of them alone. Bruce had railed at Dick, demanding to know what Dick had been thinking and reminding him that Dick was nineteen while Jason was sixteen.
They had yelled at one another, all the tension from Dick quitting being Robin still running just below the surface between them. Dick had left, he had gone back to Bludhaven. He had stayed away, from Bruce as well as Jason. He was just beginning to grasp what he might have been feeling for the new Robin, his successor. He would have been lying if he had said he wasn’t scared and more than a little ashamed.
And then Jason was gone, taken by the Joker and supposedly killed. It had been unbearable and Dick had blamed himself, convinced that night had been what had set Jason down that doomed path.
He wanted to ask Jason if he remembered that night. He wanted to tell him he had been a coward. He wanted to tell him just how strong and deep his feelings for him went. He wanted to apologize for not telling him then because perhaps that could have changed everything.
It was all there, the things he wished to say, but he swallowed it. It was the last thing Jason needed right now.
He finally managed to wrench his eyes from Jason. "You should get some sleep."
"I'm not taking your bed, Dick."
"Yes, you are."
"No—“
Dick shook his head. "If you don't sleep in my bed I will sleep in here on the floor."
Jason huffed out a breath. "How'd I get classified as the stubborn one?"
-0-0-0-
Dick was yanked from the downy-softness of sleep by a pained scream.
"No! Please, No!"
Dick shot up on the couch, feet tangled in the sheets.
"He'll come for me. They all will!"
Dick kicked himself free and rushed to his bedroom.
"Batman!"
He skidded to a halt at the edge of the bed and had enough presence of mind not to reach out and touch Jason to try and force him from whatever horrible torture he was reliving.
"Jason," he said, forcing himself to keep from yelling while being loud and steady enough to rouse him. "Jason, wake up."
"Nightwing! Please!" Jason thrashed, head whipping from side to side and tears leaking from his closed lids.
Dick momentarily lost the ability to breathe. Jason had called for him while he was being tortured at the hands of the Joker and Dick had never come to his rescue. He bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn't fall apart. He had no right. Jason needed him. Jason was the one who had faced unspeakable things at the hands of their most feared and crazed enemy. Dick would be strong.
He reached out and touched Jason's shoulder and the other young man sucked in a clipped breath and bolted up into a seated position against the headboard.
"Jay," Dick began but was cut off by a blow from Jason's forearm that Dick only barely managed to catch.
Jason blinked and snatched his arm back. "Oh, shit, Dick I'm sorry." He pushed his hands to his face as if to hide.
"Hey, it was my fault," Dick assured. "I shouldn't have touched you. I knew better."
Jason didn't lower his hands.
"It's okay."
Jason took in a few long, deep breaths. The kind that filled your belly as you breathed in and deflated it when you breathed out. It was the breathing they'd been taught to do at the start of their training.
"I get'em sometimes," Jason muttered.
"Nightmares?"
"Yeah,"
"I get'em too," Dick assured. "And I haven't been through half the shit you have."
That oddly seemed to make Jason's shoulders relax some.
"I could make you some tea." Dick offered for lack of anything else to say.
Jason shook his head, lowering his hands but his eyes still downcast.
"We could watch some T.V. maybe something funny?"
God, stop doting, Grayson. Jeez!
Jason looked over at him sheepishly. "Could you…could you talk more? About before?" He rubbed his eyes with his fingers before leaning his head back against the headboard and looking up at the ceiling. "It's just…sometimes it doesn't seem real, everything before this." He touched the “J” on his face. "I almost feel like I wasn't real." He looked up at Dick. "Hearing you talk about it. That makes it feel real."
Dick wanted to cry again, but for wholly different reasons.
"Yeah," he sniffed back his emotions and rose to sit next to Jason on the bed. "Yeah, no prob."
-0-0-0-
Dick woke with his arms around someone, someone who was warm and all muscle. His nose was pressed into the back of a neck filling his nostrils with the scent of sleep-pressed hair and his own oatmeal soap and mint shampoo. One of his arms was draped over the figure, fingers twined with the other person's hand. His other arm was prickling with pins and needles from being under his bedmate's pillow.
It was a man. That much was easy to determine. And then it came back to him.
Jason!
Jason's back was pressed to his chest. Jason was breathing deep and slow; the sleep of the truly restful.
Dick couldn't remember falling asleep. The last thing he remembered was trading stories with Jason well into the night after his nightmare. He didn't remember laying down or pulling Jason close. He hadn’t really meant to sleep in here.
But it felt good. It was so reassuring to have Jason's solid warmth there against him. It felt good knowing he was alive, fed, clean, and resting. It was perfect.
Despite his better judgment, he wiggled closer to Jason, flexing the fingers in the hand clasped by Jason's. His heart felt full to the point of bursting. Which was obviously when Jason woke with a start and rolled over in a panic, wild-eyed and clearly uncertain of where he was or with whom.
"Hey," Dick said smiling as reassuringly as he was able and holding up a hand. "It's just me. Should've warned you I tend to take my cuddles by force." He tried to joke.
"Are you real?" Jason's voice was broken and scared and it was like razors in Dick’s gut.
"Yeah," his smile softened. "Yeah, I'm real, Little Wing."
Jason let out a long breath. "Sorry."
"You never have to be sorry," Dick assured.
Jason closed his eyes and released a breath that sounded like it came from a long way down. "Yes, I do. I have so fucking much to be sorry for."
It hurt so much to see him this way. Dick hated not being able to fix something for the people he cared about. Those feelings made him reckless; they made him stupid. He reached out and raked his fingers through Jason's hair. At first, Jason's eyes shot open and he tensed all over but he almost immediately closed his eyes again, his whole body seeming to melt and he turned and pressed his face to the pillow.
Dick continued to comb his fingers through Jason’s hair letting his nails drag softly along his scalp. He went on that way until Jason turned his face from the pillow and looked at him with those obsidian eyes.
That was when Dick did something really stupid. He shifted closer, the bedding swishing as he moved. Jason watched him, eyes trailing up and down his face. Dick held his breath and leaned in slowly, making sure Jason had all the time in the world to pull away. He paused a hairsbreadth away from Jason’s skin before finally pressing his lips right onto the brand on his cheek in a soft, lingering kiss.
He felt Jason's sharp indrawn breath. He steeled himself and pulled back to look at him, hoping he'd understand the message, hoping he hadn't just made a monumental mistake.
Jason just blinked at him, his expression unreadable. Dick waited and tried not to project into that silent stare. He tried to give Jason time.
Dick had never been so good with silence.
He opened his mouth to speak but was stopped by the chapped lips of Jason Todd. It wasn't much more than a hard press of mouths. Dick closed his eyes and breathed in and gave himself over the kiss.
When they parted they stayed close, sharing air.
"Now I know I'm dreaming." Jason murmured.
So Dick kissed him again this time opening his mouth over Jason’s, tilting his chin up and down rhythmically. Jason mirrored him, and Dick brought a hand to cup his cheek.
"Then it's a really good dream and I'm having it too." Dick whispered back.
Jason huffed out a laugh and shook his head. “I’ve wanted to do that since I was fifteen."
Dick returned the laugh. "No way."
Jason rolled his eyes. "You've actually looked in a mirror, right? I’m just eternally grateful I didn’t have to suffer going through puberty with you around.”
Dick felt heat rush up from his chest and pool into his cheeks. "Jay…"
"Seriously, you were like the popular, senior quarterback and I was the scrawny, freshman, dork."
"You weren't that scrawny." Dick returned.
Jason's smile was soft and sad. "Noticed that towards the end there, did ya?"
Dick slid the hand that cupped Jason’s face to the back of his neck. "Yeah…yeah, I noticed."
"Figured you wanted Barb. You guys were such good friends and had been doing the superhero thing together from the start.“ Jason shrugged. "That's how the movies go, right? Handsome jock gets the gorgeous red-head and the angsty, queer kid is just there for comic relief."
Dick couldn't take Jason’s self-deprecation anymore. He squirmed even closer and pulled Jason into a fierce kiss, licking into the warmth of his mouth, totally unphased by the morning breath. Jason made a quiet, rueful sound in his throat and twisted his fingers into the hair at the back of Dick's head.
When Dick stopped to catch his breath he stayed so close, their noses bumping together. He kept his eyes shut. "Sometimes the dork gets the idiot jock."
Jason’s fingers coiled tight in Dick’s hair and his face contorted into a grimace. “Don't do this because of what happened to me." He pleaded in a tender, broken tone, breaking the banter. "Don't do this out of pity."
"Never," Dick swore, giving Jason a brief shake and pressing their foreheads together. "I want you. I want this." He pressed a brief kiss to Jason's lips. "I went crazy when I lost you. I didn’t get it until it was too late. I won't make that mistake again.”
"I wish I could believe that," Jason whispered.
"I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove it. I'm willing to wait for you to believe it."
"Shit..." Jason cursed, voice low and ragged. "I don’t deserve you." He drew in a shuddery breath. "I'm so messed up, Dick. I've been gutted out and stuffed with so much hate and madness...how could you ever—“
"Because I do.” Dick insisted, punctuating the declaration with a kiss to Jason's eyes, his cheeks, and his forehead. "I want you no matter what. And I don’t think I deserve you...because I failed you...I should've found you...I should've never stopped looking." Dick realized he was starting to get worked up. He knew he needed to stop, knew he needed to be strong for Jason but the gates were open and he was not in control. "I should've realized how I felt before. I should've told you. I didn't get it. I hadn't accepted it."
Jason breathed out a laugh. “You’re an idiot, Dick Grayson. You’ve got no sense of self-preservation or what’s good for you.”
Jason reclaimed his lips and they were kissing again, Jason rolling on top of him. T-shirts were lost at some point and Dick’s face tingled from the scrape of their mutual stubble but Dick couldn’t stop.
Jason finally brought a halt to it but it was only to pant out: “You wanna?”
Dick stared up at him in obvious disbelief but couldn’t deny the hopeful jitter in his heart. “Are you serious?”
Jason frowned. “Are you kidding me?”
“I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for. You’ve been through so much.”
“Listen, I’ve wanted this since forever. This—” he gave Dick a single hard kiss. “Is the first time I’ve felt good in a really long time. I need this.”
Well, that felt like verbal consent if Dick had ever heard it. He leaned out and away from Jason to the drawer at his bedside and retrieved a condom and lube. Suddenly it was Jason’s turn to look concerned.
“Listen, we don’t have to do that. There’s a lot of other stuff we could do.”
Dick only smiled and kissed his cheek. He wanted this. He wanted to give himself to Jason in the most intimate and vulnerable way he could think of.
“I’m sure.” Was all he said in response.
Jason swallowed slowly but nodded. They began kissing again and Jason was hard against him and thrusting them together sending simmering shockwaves throughout every one of Dick’s nerve endings. Dick realized that Jason was right, they really could carry on just like this but he wanted more.
Just after they had both shimmied out of their underwear Jason broke into what could only be described as a breathy giggle. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
Dick could hear the smile in his voice.
They took it slow and easy. Jason was more tender than anyone would have ever expected from the former Arkham Knight.
When Dick was finally ready he started to roll over only to be stopped by Jason’s hands on his waist.
“No,” he whispered. “Wanna see you…wanna kiss you…”
Dick could not argue with that. He canted his hips upward and wrapped his legs around Jason’s hips. Jason was true to his word and kissed him as he slid into him, even as Dick gasped. They both froze for a moment as they tried to keep from being overwhelmed by it all. Then Jason started to move and everything narrowed down to where their bodies connected and touched. They both moaned and rocked. Dick cradled Jason’s face in his hands as he kissed him. Neither of them lasted long both of them trembling as they melted into each other.
After a long while, Jason rolled off of him and they both laid on their sides to look at each other.
“That was…” Jason whispered but didn’t finish.
“Yeah…” Dick replied.
“Maybe next time…you could be the one…you know…”
That was such an intimate gesture that Dick could only manage to nuzzle his nose against Jason’s and hum as a response.
“So, where do we go from here?” Jason asked, the fear evident in his voice.
“We get cleaned up, get some breakfast—”
“You know what I mean.” Jason countered.
Dick sighed. “We go out on dates; we fight crime…”
Uncertainty gathered in the center of Jason’s brows. “You really think this can work.”
“I don’t know,” Dick answered honestly because Jason deserved honesty. “But I want it to…I really want it to.”
Jason held his breath for a moment. “Okay,”
“Okay,”
-0-0-0-
“Are you sure about this?” Jason asked as they took in the belltower.
It was the new headquarters Tim and Barbara had been building together with the help of Lucious Fox. They had dubbed it the Belfry and this was the first night it would be fully operational. It was also the first time they would be meeting Jason.
Dick had told Barbara that he had found Jason and that he was living with him now but Jason hadn’t been ready to deal with anyone else.
Things hadn’t been easy the past few months. Jason had spent the first couple of weeks refusing to leave Dick’s apartment. He had tried to break things off with Dick on several occasions. He lapsed into long periods of silence where all Dick could do was hold his hand or hug him. He would get lost in flashbacks. He had even disappeared on Dick for two whole nights but in the end, Jason had come home. They’d been going on patrol together for an entire week and Jason hadn’t killed anyone and Dick was starting to dare to hope that they could make it through all of this.
He wasn’t naive enough to believe that Jason’s willingness to kill and the trauma were all resolved but he did think he was starting to see something like a light at the end of a very long tunnel.
“I’m sure,” Dick replied easily before firing his grapple gun and swinging over to the tower and cueing the access vent that allowed him to slid down into the Belfry.
He heard the pop and hiss of Jason’s grapple and then felt him sliding down behind him. They dropped into the center of the circular room.
Barbara was seated at one of the massive computers, similar to the ones they had used in both the Batcave and the Clocktower. She turned her wheelchair around and pushed her glasses back up her nose. She smiled. At both of them.
“Hey, Barb,” Dick greeted. “I brought a friend.”
Jason strode past him and took off his helmet. He dropped into a crouch and gripped Barbra in a fierce hug. Barbra looked a little surprised at first but returned the hug immediately.
“I’m so sorry,” Jason said in the broken, almost childish tone he’d get sometimes.
Barbra’s hand stroked down the back of his head. “It’s all right, Jason.” She soothed. “I’m just glad we’ve got you back.”
They stayed that way for a long time until someone cleared their throat loudly. Jason stood up straight and faced Tim Drake. The two of them stared at each other until Tim finally spoke.
“You’re not gonna shoot me are you?”
“That was Scarecrow.” Jason corrected flatly.
“You seemed real choked up about it.” Tim retorted dryly.
Dick realized his shoulders were bunched up with anxiety and tried his best to relax them.
Jason looked down and scuffed his boot against the shiny tiles of the floor. “I’m glad you didn’t die.” He muttered grudgingly.
Tim snorted out a laugh. “Why do I get the feeling that that’s high praise coming from you.”
Jason looked up and it wasn’t quite a smile but it was something close. “Any replacement of mine needs to be able to take a bullet.”
Dick released a breath that he hadn’t been aware he was holding. He and Barbara shared a look before she shook her head.
“Boys,” she chuckled.
“So,” Dick broke in. “This is the Belfry.”
“Yeah,” Tim beamed. “The best mix of the Batcave and the Clocktower. It’s got cutting-edge computer software and it connects to the old subway tunnels beneath the city where our vehicles can be stored.”
“It’s the perfect base of operations,” Barbara added.
“For who exactly?” Jason asked as he moved back over to be near Dick.
“Us,” Tim gestured to the four of them. “The Gotham Knights.”
Jason arched an eyebrow. “The Gotham Knights?”
“I like it,” Dick said, nudging Jason with his elbow.
Jason looked at him and this time did manage a smile. “Yeah, I guess it does have a good ring to it.”
Dick thought it sounded a little bit like redemption.