Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

the dream meme team +shiro

memelord: GUYS BEYONCE IS GONNA BE NALA IS THE NEW LION KING REBOOT 

fakespaceglasses: what

fakespaceglasses: oH

 
memelord: ALL HAIL THE QUEEN

memelord: BEYONCE RULES ALL

 
fakespaceglasses: o p i n i o n s

memelord: l i e s beyonce is probably secretly running the world

memelord: have you listened to who runs the world

memelord: she literally confirms my conspiracy

 
fakespaceglasses: you sound like instagram and tumblr had a baby and that baby just started wearing makeup

memelord: you're not wrong

memelord: i think reddit was the surrogate mother

fakespaceglasses: true

fakespaceglasses: yo i'm about to cry stranger things is gonna be the thing to unhinge me

memelord: lol have you still not gotten through the entire thing

fakespaceglasses: holy hell im aboutta die now

memelord: i know spoilers

fakespaceglasses: WHAT THE HELL

DoorMatt: i haven't even seen it

memelord: and a matthew emerges

DoorMatt: :")

DoorMatt sent sippingacandle.mp3

memelord: i hope you burnt your lip sipping that candle

fakespaceglasses: THIS IS LITERALLY GOING TO UNHINGE ME

DoorMatt: have me burning my nose hairs 

fakespaceglasses: saved

DoorMatt: :")

fakespaceglasses: guess whos dying rn

fakespaceglasses: mE

fakespaceglasses sent CHRISTMAS.mp3

memelord: rip headphones users

DoorMatt: lance

DoorMatt: N o

fakespaceglasses: lance

fakespaceglasses: y e s

memelord: YEET

DoorMatt: N O O 0

memelord: too late

memelord: its yote now

DoorMatt: did you just use the past tense of yeet

fakespaceglasses: IM SCREAMING

fakespaceglasses: DUSTIN PUT FARRAH FAWCETT SPRAY IN HIS HAIR IM D E C E A S E D

DoorMatt: Farrah fawcett???

fakespaceglasses: do you not know who farrah fawcett is

DoorMatt: i don't

memelord: get out from under your rock patrick

fakespaceglasses sent (2) farrahfawcettisagoddess.jpg

fakespaceglasses: shes a queen

DoorMatt: you can fite me lance

fakespaceglasses: she was the teen heartthrob of the 80s

fakespaceglasses: also

fakespaceglasses: no matt, no lance

fakespaceglasses: pls no

memelord: FINE LETS GO

fakespaceglasses: LANCE

fakespaceglasses: NO

fakespaceglasses: ALSO DUSTIN IS HEARTBROKEN

fakespaceglasses: HES CRYING

fakespaceglasses: M Y H E A R T

DoorMatt: LETS GO LANCE

DoorMatt: MEET ME AT THE KFC AT DAWM

DoorMatt: *DAWN

memelord: HA ILL WIN BY SPELLING ALONE

deaddad: what is this

DoorMatt: ID WIN BY GRAMMAR

fakespaceglasses: nope, i would win in both areas

DoorMatt: yrue

DoorMatt: true

fakespaceglasses: i think you should both stop talking now

memelord changed their name to sexuallyattractedtopans

sexuallyattractedtopans: panphobia

fakespaceglasses: the fear of unknown evil

sexuallyattractedtopans: pansexual homophobia

sexuallyattractedtopans: duh

DoorMatt: polyphobia

sexuallyattractedtopans: how do you know this and not know farrah fawcett

fakespaceglasses: "Panphobia, omniphobia, pantophobia, or panophobia is a vague and persistent dread of some unknown evil. Panphobia is not registered as a type of phobia in medical references."

sexuallyattractedtopans: well duck wikipedia

sexuallyattractedtopans: fuck

fakespaceglasses: "polyphobia pol-y-pho-bi-a n. An abnormal fear of many things; a condition marked by the presence of many phobias. 

deaddad: y e e t

deaddad: I scared myself with my own reflection

deaddad: again

sexuallyattractedtopans: i would make comments but i run into walls

DoorMatt: babe how does one do that

DoorMatt: wait no nevermind i just looked in a mirror

deaddad: eyy you mustve been scared of your own beauty

DoorMatt: SMOOTH

DoorMatt: also i just noticed lance changed his user

sexuallyattractedtopans: jeez i just wanted to change it

deaddad: Matt you should sleep

sexuallyattractedtopans: its only 7

deaddad: steal it back

deaddad: ok yesterday also scared myself with my shadow

fakespaceglasses: good lord

deaddad: t'was frightening

sexuallyattractedtopans: i just run into walls and other shit

fakespaceglasses: yO i'm being edgy

fakespaceglasses: im watching heathers

fakespaceglasses: "fuck me gently with a chainsaw" is my new anthem

fakespaceglasses: "fuck me gently with a chainsaw(but don't actually do it)"

fakespaceglasses: this is so my new favorite movie im so

deaddad: KISS KISS FALL IN

deadead: debt

fakespaceglasses: me

sexuallyattractedtopans: me after i see my bill for college tuition

fakespaceglasses: "dear diary, i want to kill and you have to believe me it's more than just a selfish reason. it's more than a spark in my menstrual cycle and you have to believe me."

DoorMatt: me

DoorMatt: but like

DoorMatt: dont kill anyone jail isnt worth it

fakespaceglasses: i swear to god lance if you say there's no netflix in jail i will actually go kill someone

fakespaceglasses: im so TIRED of hearing that 

sexuallyattractedtopans: fuck

sexuallyattractedtopans: well

sexuallyattractedtopans: THERE'S NO WIFI IN JAIL

sexuallyattractedtopans: oh god she's gonna kill me

fakespaceglasses: YOU DON'T NEED WIFI WHEN YOU'RE DEAD

deaddad: I just heard a scream

deaddad: I don't even feel bad, he incurred pidge's wrath

deaddad: why can't i just have some peace

Chapter Text

sexuallyattractedtopans added deaddad, DoorMatt, McSizzle, tiredmom, rockgodz, 04/29/2008, and fakespaceglasses to someone help me cheat on mr holt's homework

deaddad: Lance, no. we talked about using Matt and Pidge to cheat

sexuallyattractedtopans: but daaaaaad

fakespaceglasses: but daaaaad

DoorMatt: but daaaaaaady

tiredmom: MATTHEW

McSizzle changed deaddad's name to deaddaddy

04/29/2008: kinkshaming

McSizzle: Kinkshaming

rockgodz: kinkshaming

fakespaceglasses: kinkshaming

sexuallyattractedtopans: kinksaming

 04/29/2008 changed sexuallyattractedtopans name to kinky

tiredmom: AND I MISS TALKING ABOUT LIFE AND OTHER STUFF

fakespaceglasses: very specific 

kinky: SHUT UPPPP

04/29/2008: what 

fakespaceglasses: HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD DEAR EVAN HANSEN

04/29/2008: lance had mentioned it a couple times but i never payed attention to it

04/29/2008: he wasn't spazzing out about it so i didn't think it was that important

rockgodz: Keith what did you just do

DoorMatt: how do you not know what it is 

DoorMatt: its actually really good

fakespaceglasses: NOT IMPORTANT

fakespaceglasses: LANCE RICCARDO MCCLAIN

kinky: KEITH

kinky: WHY

fakespaceglasses: DEAR EVAN HANSEN IS THE BEST THING THAT WILL EVER TOUCH YOUR FILTHY LITTLE EARS

kinky: she's not wrong

fakespaceglasses: I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BROTHER

DoorMatt: what the fuck am I here for then

fakespaceglasses: experiments

fakespaceglasses: APOLOGIZE TO EVAN RIGHT NOW

McSizzle: Good god man, just answer.

kinky: um

kinky: sorry???

fakespaceglasses: you may continue

04/29/2008: what's it about anyway

tiredmom: LET ME TELL YOU A STORY YOUNG ONE

04/29/2008: youre like a year older than me

tiredmom: HUSH

deaddaddy: the next person that continues texting will get booted out of the gc

fakespaceglasses named the group shiro's kingdom

deaddaddy: as long as you guys will go to bed

deaddaddy: it's 1am and we all have school tomorrow

McSizzle: Ha, I don't go until 8:50.

tiredmom: she's one of those seniors

deaddaddy removed McSizzle and tiredmom from the group 

deaddaddy: go the fuck to sleep

kinky named the group it's 4am why can't i sleep

kinky added McSizzle and tiredmom to the group

kinky changed their name to buttoninabeanie

buttoninabeanie: there we go i fixed it all

buttoninabeanie: youre welcome

04/29/2008: lance why the fuck are you awake

buttoninabeanie: i could ask you the same thing

buttoninabeanie: i know i didn't wake you up

rockgodz: however you did wake me up

buttoninabeanie: ohmygodshayimsosorryilyandyouregreat

buttoninabeanie: i feel blessed

rockgodz: so keith what's the story behind the date for your username

buttoninabeanie: hold on i have to do something before he tells the story

buttoninabeanie changed 04/29/2008's name to emosquared

buttoninabeanie: and just to be safe

buttoninabeanie removed admin privileges from emosquared

emosquared: ASSHOLE

emosquared: it's this meme where pete wentz is walking down the street and bruno mars turns his head in amazment

emosquared: it was a great day for emokind

emosquared: lance why are you named button in a beanie

emosquared: youre 50 feet tall

buttoninabeanie: well keith

buttoninabeanie: im as cute as a button and I just got the most comforable beanie

buttoninabeanie sent beanie.jpg

buttoninabeanie: simple

emosquared: um

rockgodz changed buttoninabeanie's name to greenbeaninabeanie

greenbeaninabeanie:that.........actually works

greenbeaninabeanie: thank you shay :)

rockgodz: :)

deaddaddy: shay can stay but goodbye lance and keith

rockgodz: BYE SUCKAS HAHAHA

deaddaddy has removed emosquared and greenbeaninabeanie

emosquared>>>deaddaddy

emosquared: shiro

emosquared: help

deaddaddy: are you ok

emosquared: i can almost hear your panic from here jee

emosquared: im fine

emosquared: its just

emosquared: lance is adorable???????

emosquared: um

emosquared: but i don't have a crush on him

emosquared: im just gay and have eyes

deaddaddy: mhm. no crush, just an attractive Lance

deaddaddy>>>McSizzle

deaddaddy: Keith just completely confessed his crush for Lance

deaddaddy: but he claims it's not a crush

deaddaddy sent screenshot.jpg

deaddaddy: I'm sick of the pining

McSizzle: IM SCREAMING

McSizzle: MY OTP

deaddaddy: you know what to do

McSizzle: Oh, I've already started.

deaddaddy: didn't Ms Springer give extra homework tonight

McSizzle: FUCK

Chapter Text

tiredmom>>>greenbeaninabeanie

tiredmom: be still my heart???

tiredmom: Shay is adorable

tiredmom: we were talking and she started laughing and I just ??

tiredmom: Lance

tiredmom: shE SNORTS

greenbeaninabeanie: mY OTP

greenbeaninabeanie: just date already

tiredmom: I could say the same to you

greenbeaninabeanie: what

greenbeaninabeanie: anyway

greenbeaninabeanie: shes totally crushing on you

tiredmom: hold the phone

tiredmom: she is

greenbeaninabeanie: well duh youre a total babe

tiredmom: thanks babe

greenbeaninabeanie: welcome babe

greenbeaninabeanie: but have you seen her when you walk into the room

greenbeaninabeanie: her face completely lights up and shes a much bubblier person

tiredmom: sounds familiar

tiredmom: do you really think I should ask her out

tiredmom: what if she doesn't like me like that and gets creeped out tho

greenbeaninabeanie: do you want to suffer in pining hell forever

tiredmom: do you

greenbeaninabeanie: fucking hell man

greenbeaninabeanie: just go ask the poor girl out and leave me be

fuck you candycorn sucks

fakespaceglasses: all im saying is it tastes like ass

DoorMatt: and all im saying is youve never tasted ass so how would you know

fakespaceglasses: well i mean i can always ask shiro since hes always tasting yours

deaddaddy: god can we go five minutes without talking about someone's sex life

deaddaddy: mainly mine

deaddaddy: Pidge you're grounded

fakespaceglasses: YOU CANT MAKE ME DO ANYTHING

fakespaceglasses changed their name to asexlife

emosquared: why are you guys obsessing over candy corn anyway

emosquared: are they also some thanksgiving tradition or something

tiredmom: Keith has a point

tiredmom: this month we prepare for christmas

tiredmom: and listen to Christmas music

McSizzle: HUNK HOW COULD YOU 

McSizzle: CHRISTMAS MUSIC IS FOR DECEMBER ONLY

greenbeaninabeanie: lura i listen to it year round

greenbeaninabeanie: bicth

greenbeaninabeanie: why do we have this month anyway

greenbeaninabeanie: we dont use this month or september

McSizzle: Thanksgiving.

McSizzle: So that you white people can apologize for coming and fucking up the lives of the native americans.

asexlife: fair enough

greenbeaninabeanie: ok but like if caesar didnt completely fuck up and have to add two more months because hes a douche

greenbeaninabeanie: everything would be fine

greenbeaninabeanie: well maybe not but id feel better

greenbeaninabeanie >>>tiredmom

greenbeaninabeanie: so what were you talking about earlier 

tiredmom: whatever do you mean

greenbeaninabeanie: you essentially said i should date someone

greenbeaninabeanie: im more bubbly and happier when they walk into a room

greenbeaninabeanie: and that im currently suffering in pining hell???

tiredmom: the obvious fact that you have a crush on Keith

tiredmom: well obvious to everyone but you two

greenbeaninabeanie: i have no idea what youre talking about

greenbeaninabeanie: thats completely untrue

tiredmom: bitch please

greenbeaninabeanie: ok fine i might be in pining hell

greenbeaninabeanie: but its just because hes kinda cute

greenbeaninabeanie: and really sweet

greenbeaninabeanie: and he was really hot when my car broke down and he had to fix it

greenbeaninabeanie: and hes great with pets

greenbeaninabeanie: and he makes me feel all fluffy inside

greenbeaninabeanie: but i think hes straight

tiredmom: ask the poor boy out you fucking hypocrite

Chapter Text

emosquared>>>asexlife

emosquared: ugh

emosquared: ughhhh

emosquared: ughhhhhhhhh

asexlife: WHAT

emosquared: i forgot

asexlife: KEITH

emosquared: just kidding

emosquared: i was wondering if you knew what lance thought of me

asexlife: its 2 am

asexlife: and this is what worried you

emosquared: yes

asexlife: you have weird priorities

emosquared: answer the question gremlin

asexlife: i cant believe you havent noticed

asexlife: you walk into a room and he drools

asexlife: havent you noticed that he got less flirty with other people

emosquared: i just thought he ran out of people to flirt with

asexlife: you physically hurt me

why god why

greenbeaninabeanie: im liking the friends reference

greenbeaninabeanie: whats it for joey tribbiani

McSizzle: Ooh, I like that.

McSizzle changed their name to joeytribbiani

joeytribbiani: But if Mr.Sendak gives one more 10 page essay for the weekend, I may end up on the news.

joeytribbiani: I HAVE A LIFE

joeytribbiani: IT'S NOT HEALTHY 

asexlife: dont you have principal shitheads kid in there too

joeytribbiani: BASICALLY I FUCKING HATE THAT CLASS

greenbeaninabeanie: why the fuck is he an english teacher anyway

greenbeaninabeanie: at least ive got keith in that class

DoorMatt: *whispers* i ship ittttt

joeytribbiani changed their name to klancestan

greenbeaninabeanie: UH I MEAN TO THROW PAPER PLANES AT YOU LITTLE SHITS

asexlife: uh huh yep totally youre so convincing

asexlife: my dads class is pretty fun if you can get in

deaddaddy: he's electrocuted himself more than ben franklin with the key and the kite

asexlife: yeah, fun

tiredmom: Please Don't Electrocute Yourselves

tiredmom: also to the ones who can drive I made cookies

buttoninabeanie: keithyyyyyyyy

emosquared: im taking my bike

buttoninabeanie: YUS

buttoninabeanie: creepy group chat lurker

emosquared: i can always drive past your house

buttoninabeanie: i have no idea what youre talking about, i was complimenting your dumbass mullet

emosquared: thats what i thought

DoorMatt: ssssssshhhhhhhiiiiiippppp

asexlife added joeytribbiani, tiredmom, and DoorMatt to klance needs to fuck

DoorMatt: vulgar

DoorMatt: i like it

asexlife: someone needs them into getting together

joeytribbiani: Hunk and I are way ahead of you.

joeytribbiani: I'm already planning a movie day.

joeytribbiani: Where we say we can go the movies.

joeytribbiani: But then something "comes up".

joeytribbiani: And only they can go,

joeytribbiani: That will at least get them to spend more time together.

DoorMatt: but what movie

DoorMatt: theres the emoji movie

joeytribbiani: I want them to be happy, not horribly depressed.

asexlife: thor ragnarok is absolutely hilarious and they're the only two that haven't seen it yet

tiredmom: there's murder in the orient express 

tiredmom: with leslie odom jr

tiredmom: who lance loves

DoorMatt: lets vote in the gc and see

DoorMatt: SHIT we need to make shay and shiro busy so they cant come

asexlife: or you could tell them the plan you fucking moron

asexlife changed the group name to MOVIE VOTE TIME

asexlife: so who wants to see a movie saturday

asexlife: either murder on the orient express or thor ragnarok

rockgodz: i sadly cannot go

tiredmom: :'(

asexlife: murder

emosquared: yeah why not

tiredmom: yea

klancestan: Yes

asexlife: thor

DoorMatt: yea

deaddaddy: ye

buttoninabeanie: yeet

asexlife: well i vote thor

buttoninabeanie:YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Chapter Text

greenbeaninabeanie changed the group name to coming out

emosquared: you already did that lance

greenbeaninabeanie: r00d

asexlife: tumblr bitch

greenbeaninabeanie: conspiracy shit

greenbeaninabeanie: anyway

greenbeaninabeanie: i decided to come out to my family and the school

greenbeaninabeanie: well ill post it on social media to tell the school

klancestan: Lance I could not be more proud of you!

DoorMatt: congrats lance!

deaddaddy: good luck buddy

tiredmom: OMG LANCE BOO I'M SENDING YOU TELEPATHIC COURAGE

rockgodz: me and my dads are proud of you too!

asexlife: good luck

asexlife: .....i may be kinda proud of you

Emosquared>>>deaddaddy

Emosquared: do you think it would be upstaging lance if i came out in the gc right now

Deaddaddy: look at the gc 

Deaddaddy: that'll answer your question

Deaddaddy: also i'm over at Pidge's house and Lance is kind of reading over my shoulder

Emosquared: huh

Emosquared: oH

coming out

greenbeaninabeanie: so anyone else have any news

emosquared: lance you ass

greenbeaninabeanie: just COME OUT with it already

greenbeaninabeanie: get it?????

asexlife: can i kick lance out of the gc

deaddaddy: unfortunately no

greenbeaninabeanie: UNFORTUNATELY 

greenbeaninabeanie: SHIRO

deadddaddy: Keith weren't you saying something

emosquared: so im gay

greenbeaninabeanie: whoa i thought you were gonna say you were asexual or something

emosquared: nope, im just gay

klance needs to fuck

Asexlife: did lance just scream

Asexlife: i leave to get covfefe and lance ends up screaming

princess: Keith came out and Lance died?

Klancestan: He's doing victory laps and screaming, "Keith's not straight" over and over again.

Klancestan sent klanceisonestepclosertocanon.mp3

Asexlife: i should start enlisting you to get blackmail material while im not there

Asexlife: cause holy shit you can take great videos

DoorMatt: youre taking all the pictures and videos when shiro and i get married

Tiredmom: wait guys nobody's said anything to Keith yet

Asexlife: OH SHIT

coming out 

emosquared: um guys

klancestan: Well I obviously support you!

klancestan: But congratulations on having the courage to tell us!

tiredmom: that's great Keith! i'm glad you're embracing every part of yourself

deaddaddy: I already knew so once again congrats little bro

greenbeaninabeanie: yeah congrats dude

rockgodz: i'm so proud of you for having the courage to tell us!

DoorMatt: join the club buddy

DoorMatt: we meet wednesdays in thaces room

asexlife: so keith 

asexlife: does this make you a koGAYne?

deaddaddy: i'm moving to Alaska

asexlife: at least youll be near the sea

asexlife: so the ocean can WAVE GOODBYE

emosquared changed their name to koGAYne

koGAYne: so thats how you change that

Lanceylot just tweeted: "Just thought I'd let the world know I'm Pansexual! I like guys gals and all nonbinary pals!"

Lanceylot just posted a new photo to Instagram with the caption: Just me and my Pansexual flag!

Lanceylot just posted to Tumblr: "Hello Tumblr, I'm Pan!"

klance needs to fuck

DoorMatt: well with the way lance is acting we may not need to get them together by saturday

Chapter Text

greenbeaninabeanie changed the group's name to help i'm bored

koGAYne: i hate you

greenbeaninabeanie: wow well guess what

greenbeaninabeanie: i hate you too

asexlife: *narrator voice* they actually want to bone each other soooooooooo bad

koGAYne: can we block pidge

greenbeaninabeanie: seconded

deaddaddy: no

deaddaddy: we don't need her using all the blackmail she has on you two

Klancestan: That sounds terrifying.

Asexlife: ehehehehehehe

Tiredmom changed the group’s name to hide and seek

rockgodz: so me and Hunk are over at Lance's house with Keith

rockgodz: you will never believe what we just heard

Tiredmom: Lance was playing hide and seek with his siblings and Keith

rockgodz: and Lance was the only one left

Tiredmom: so Keith just sings out "you would not believe your eyes”

rockgodz: and Lance responds from behind a couch in the same room

Rockgodz: “IF TEN MILLION FIREFLIES”

Tiredmom: he scared the living shit out of Keith but he found Lance

koGAYne changed greenbeaninabeanie’s name to tenmillionfireflies

Tenmillionfireflies: i take no offense to this, fireflies was an amazing song

koGAYne: yeah an amazing song to loose to

Asexlife: OH SHIT THE AUTHOR IS THROWING SHADEEEEEEE

doorMatt: pidge what

Asexlife changed their name to ahyesthefourthwall

Ahyesthefourthwall: nothing you need to worry about mathimatics

Klancestan: Is Matt’s full name really Mathematics?

Ahyesthefourthwall: i think you’ll be better off not knowing

Klancestan: Also, can we talk about ⅔ of my favorite ships today being adorable?

Klancestan: Hunay somehow told a perfect story over a text thread.

Klancestan: And Klance played hide and seek together.

Klancestan: Today was a good day.

Ahyesthefourthwall: GAYS

Ahyesthefourthwall: GUYS*

Tenmillionfireflies: same fuckin diff in this gc

Tenmillionfireflies: sans the beautiful shay of course

Rockgodz: ally 4 lyfe

Ahyesthefourthwall: anyhoo

Ahyesthefourthwall: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME

doorMatt: would you tap plz

Ahyesthefourthwall: nice use of our telepathic connection mathematics

ahyesthefourthwall: whos here and willing to play

doorMatt: i love this game

klancestan: YESYESYES

ahyesthefourthwall: im obviously playing

tenmillionfireflies: me too

rockgodz: i’ll just witness the hot mess that is about to go down

koGAYne: ill play too

tenmillionfireflies: heloooo keithyboy ehehe

ahyesthefourthwall: lets play a round and most points left wins

Ahyesthefourthwall: just so everyone knows the rules and doesnt use ignorance to cheat (lance)

Tenmillionfireflies: HEY

Ahyesthefourthwall: 5 points, when it’s your turn you say the name of someone and if you’d tap you loose a point

doorMatt: ill go first

doorMatt: Cate Blanchett

Tenmillionfireflies: YOU LITTLE SHIT

Tenmillionfireflies: 4

Ahyesthefourthwall: 4

Klancestan: 4

koGAYne: 4 even id tap that and im gay

Klancestan: My turn!

Klancestan: Ryan Bergara.

doorMatt: 5 hes too much of a bro to me

Ahyesthefourthwall: 4 other than cate blanchett and beyonce i am a powerhouse in this game

Tenmillionfireflies: this is the worst game for me to play 3

koGAYne: he has the cutest smile 3

Ahyesthefourthwall: my turn ehehe

Ahyesthefourthwall: Eugene from the try guys

koGAYne: FUCK 2

Tenmillionfireflies: THIS ISNT FAIR 2

doorMatt: this really isnt 4

Klancestan: He’s pretty but I’m still a lesbian. 4.

Tenmillionfireflies: MY TURN AND IM NOT GONNA LOSE

Tenmillionfireflies: Hayley Kiyoko

Klancestan: Oh really, the last one wasn’t fair. 3.

Ahyesthefourthwall: TARGETING 3

doorMatt: it got more than one person so technically no 4

koGAYne: 2

Ahyesthefourthwall: FUCK MATT IS WINNING

koGAYne: not for long

koGAYne: shiro

doorMatt: TARGETING

koGAYne: pidge specifically stated the rules so no one could feign innocence

koGAYne: targeting wasnt in the rules

doorMatt: FUCK 3

Klancestan: 3

Ahyesthefourthwall: 3

Tenmillionfireflies: 2 YAS KEITH

Ahyesthefourthwall: ok so keith and lance lost

Ahyesthefourthwall: tiebreaker

Tenmillionfireflies: ME AND KEITH GET TO PICK THE PEOPLE

Ahyesthefourthwall: fine

Tenmillionfireflies: karen gillan

Klancestan: 2

doorMatt: 3

Ahyesthefourthwall: 3

Tenmillionfireflies: keith if you would do the honors

koGAYne: bex taylor klause

Klancestan: Oh shit. 1.

doorMatt: SCREW YOU 2

Ahyesthefourthwall: 3. Shes too much like me

Ahyesthefourthwall: she really sounds like me too

Ahyesthefourthwall: itd be weird

I'm so sorry

Chapter Text

hi guys

Tiredmom: i have food

Ahyesthefourthwall: I LOVE THE COOKING CLUB

Tiredmom: we'll be in the cafeteria at lunch

Tenmillionfireflies: hunk you are the light of my life

Klancestan: I was just thinking I wasn't in the mood to eat fake food.

KoGAYne: wait what did you make

Tiredmom: garlic bacon brussel sprouts

Rockgodz: hunk

Rockgodz: why

DoorMatt: i just read the chat and i have never been more excited then disapponted in my life

Tiredmom: they taste better then they look

Tiredmom: or sound

Ahyesthefourthwall: fine then

Ahyesthefourthwall: lets place bets

Ahyesthefourthwall: whos in

Tenmillionfireflies: 10 for hunk

Tenmillionfireflies: i trust the cooking club

Tenmillionfireflies: remember the cilantro parm broccoli

Klancestan: It sounded completely unorthodox, and yet it worked so well 

Klancestan: Lance has a point

Klancestan: I put 20 on Hunk

DoorMatt: they'r brussel spouts allura

DoorMatt: 20 on cafeteria food

KoGAYne: 10 on cafeteria food

Tenmillionfireflies: KEITH

KoGAYne: hunk doesn't have that much magic

Rockgodz: I trust hunk

Rockgodz: 10 on hunk

Ahyesthefourthwall: i love you hunk but

Ahyesthefourthwall: 10 on cafeteria food

Tiredmom: GSAP

Tenmillionfireflies: just you wait

Tenmillionfireflies: you all will see that youre wrong

ahyesthefourthwall: wait hunk you have to bring some to me

ahyesthefourthwall: stupid 8th grade

Tenmillionfireflies renamed the group HA BITCHES

DoorMatt: hunk im so sorry i ever doubted you

Rockgodz: see, team hunk wins

Tenmillionfireflies: HUNK YOU ARE THE KING OF COOKING

KoGAYne changed tiredmom's name to kingofcooking.jpeg

KoGAYne: im offended that vegetables could taste so good

Ahyesthefourthwall: PAY UP HOES

Klancestan: Pidge, didn't you bet against Hunk?

Ahyesthefourthwall: FUCK

deaddaddy: Lance what did you do

tenmillionfireflies: shiro wtf

tenmillionfireflies: well, since you asked so politely, i woke up, ate breakfast, forced my little sister to eat her breakfast rather than use it as shampoo, bathed said little sister, and was working on keeping up on my blogs on tumblr til i got this text

deaddaddy: wait so this isn't your fault

rockgodz: Shiro being vague will help no one

deaddaddy: alright

deaddaddy: Keith just dropped his phone off the balcony in our apartment

kingofcooking.jpeg: Keith, buddy, what the fuck

doorMatt: im over at their house 

doorMatt: can confirm

doorMatt: wait hes saying something about wanting to take a photo of the sunrise

rockgodz: but the sun rose hours ago

deaddaddy: yep

deaddaddy: he's been staring at his dropped phone for that long

tenmillionfireflies: hunk come pick me up

kingofcooking.jpeg: why

tenmillionfireflies: we're picking up keith a popsocket for when he gets a new phone

Chapter Text

doorMatt changed the group's name to goddamnit pidge you can't keep locking the fridge

ahyesthefourthwall: hush now mathimatics

doorMatt changed their name to mynameisnotmathimatics

ahyesthefourthwall: jeez matt the long username is gonna give the writer of this fic hand cramps

mynameisnotmathimatics: what

ahyesthefourthwall: nothing you should worry about mathematics

klancestan: What in tinsel's name are you all doing up at 3am? Don't we all still have school tomorrow?

ahyesthefourthwall: "what in tinsel's name"

ahyesthefourthwall: allura are you ok

ahyesthefourthwall: but for your information 

Ahyesthefourthwall: matt wants to drink all the sunny d in the fridge

Ahyesthefourthwall: and that Shall Not Happen

keith: wait is matt's full name mathematics

Mynameisnotmathimatics added AhYesTheFourthWall, tenmillionfireflies to a group

mynameisnotmathimatics named the group awkwardmemesTM

mynameisnotmathimatics: so being a cashier is awkward

AhYesTheFourthWall: you brought this upon yourself when you said you wanted a car

mynameisnotmathimatics: that was last week

Mynameisnotmathimatics: this is this week

Mynameisnotmathimatics: idc that its summer i can walk everywhere

Tenmillionfireflies: what happened

mynameisnotmathimatics: so this guy came in

mynameisnotmathimatics: gives me all his stuff to scan yada yada

Tenmillionfireflies: as you do

Mynameisnotmathimatics: hush

Mynameisnotmathimatics: so anyway

Mynameisnotmathimatics: he comments on the christmas music in the the store

Mynameisnotmathimatics: i meant to say tis the season

Mynameisnotmathimatics: and i said tits the season

Tenmillionfireflies : YES BOOBS

Mynameisnotmathimatics: and this guy

mynameisnotmathimatics: rather than yelling at me or laughing

Mynameisnotmathimatics: he says HELLLLLL YEAHHHHHHHH really low and loud

AhYesTheFourthWall: im disowning you

Mynameisnotmathimatics: lance be my new sibling

Tenmillionfireflies: IM DYING OF LAUGHTER AND I STILL WONT ADOPT YOU HAHAHA

Tenmillionfireflies: TITS THE SEASON

Tenmillionfireflies: MY NEW MOTTO

AhYesTheFourthWall: lance n o

Tenmillionfireflies: LANCE Y E S

Tenmillionfireflies named the group TITS THE SEASON

AhYesTheFourthWall: LANCE

Tenmillionfireflies: HHAHAHAA YOU TOLD THE LANCE SIDE OF ME NO BUT THE MEME SIDE OF ME HAS FREE REIGN

AhYesTheFourthWall: StOp

Tenmillionfireflies: tOo McFuCkIn LaTe

Deaddaddy: pidge what did you do

AhYesTheFourthWall: OH NO I’M NOT TAKING THE BLAME

AhYesTheFourthWall: IT’S MATHEMATICS FAULT

Mynameisnotmathimatics: i was just talking about my day

Deaddaddy: keith said ffs matt

Rockgodz: this is why we can’t have nice things

Deaddaddy: keith said someone finally understands

Klancestan: At least he understands something.

Klancestan: UNLIKE ME IN MR. SENDAK’S CLASS

Klancestan: WHAT DOES HE MEAN SIMPLE ESSAY ON AN OBSCURE WAR

Klancestan: WHAT TEACHER ASSIGNS AN ASSIGNMENT ON A FUCKING OBSCURE WAR

Tenmillionfireflies: anyway

Tenmillionfireflies: when is keith getting his phone fixed or a new one

Tenmillionfireflies: hunk wants to know

kingofcooking.jpeg: i would like to emerge from lurking to clarify

kingofcooking.jpeg: i am not wondering

kingofcooking.jpeg: no offence keith

Tenmillionfireflies: shhhhhh hunk go back to baking those cookies

Deaddaddy: keith says none taken

Deaddaddy: lance he is getting a new one when he can pay for it

Tenmillionfireflies: BUT HE DOESNT HAVE A JOB

Klancestan: mY OTP

Mynameisnotmathimatics: choose an otp thanks

TITS THE SEASON

klancestan: FUCKING SENDAK

Mynameisnotmathimatics: my suffering is just because of calculus 

Mynameisnotmathimatics: at this point that class gives me depressive episodes

tenmillionfireflies: y'all are lucky 

tenmillionfireflies: yall are almost done with school

deaddaddy: y'all

klancestan: y'all

AhYesTheFourthWall: Y'all

Mynameisnotmathimatics: yall

rockgodz: yall

kingofcooking.jpeg: yall

klancestan: WAIT

klancestan: LANCE AND KEITH ARE COWBOY BOYFRIENDS 

rockgodz: cowboyfriends

klancestan: JDSKJDKFJKDJFK

tenmillionfireflies: SHAY

tenmillionfireflies: WHAT BETRAYAL

deaddaddy: keith says he doesn't know allura or shay anymore

deaddaddy: he disowned them with a flip of his mullet

deaddaddy: I DIDNOTHTJHAJHDJFHJD

AhYesTheFourthWall: hello keith

deaddaddy: so anyway

deaddaddy: it's keith

deaddaddy: i'm currently trapped in the bathroom 

deaddaddy: shiro would like to know what happened to the bathroom keys

Mynameisnotmathimatics: we never use them so they ended up in the middle drawer of the cabinet thing in the bathroom

tenmillionfireflies: shiro you can't kill him

tenmillionfireflies: we're gonna watch a movie next week

deaddaddy: shiro says i can watch a movie without hands

tenmillionfireflies: what about popcorn

deaddaddy: he said screw the popcorn

AhYesTheFourthWall: that sounds painful

Mynameisnotmathimatics: i just got to the brogane house and heard keith scream

Mynameisnotmathimatics: what

rockgodz: i think shiro found keith's lock pick

kingofcooking.jpeg: rip keith i'll make chocolate cake for your funeral

Chapter Text

844-334-5367>>>loverboy

844-334-5367: hey lance

844-334-5367: it’s keith

844-334-5367: i got a hold of shiro’s old phone, but it unfortunately has his old number

Loverboy: KIEHT

Loverboy: YOURE BACK

Loverboy: the gc has been miserable without you

844-334-5367 changed their name to keith

Loverboy: pshhhh no you just came back you need a better name than just yours

Loverboy changed keith ’s name to toogaytofunction

Loverboy: perfect

Toogaytofunction: thanks?

Loverboy: (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Mynameisnotmathimatics named the chat KATIE HOLT TAKE THE PADLOCK OFF THE FRIDGE

AhYesTheForthwall: YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME MATHEMATICS

Klancestan: will someone tell me if matt’s real name is mathematics

Rockgodz: tbh I don’t think anyone knows or wants to know

Rockgodz: true true

Mynameisnotmathimatics: I HUNGER FOR LEFTOVER RAVIOLI

AhYesTheForthWall: FUCK YOU BITCH I ATE THEM ALL

Mynameisnotmathimatics: THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL

Mynameisnotmathimatics: MY OWN SISTER

Deaddaddy: pidge why did you put a padlock on the fridge

AhYesTheForthWall: i just bought a shitload of those bottled starbucks frappichinos and matt will steal them all if i don’t do something about it

Deaddaddy: fair enough. Procede.

Toogaytofunction: i leave this gc for a day and this is what happens

Kingofcooking.jpeg: you and i are in the same boat my friend

Kingofcooking.jpeg: wait

Kingofcooking.jpeg: keith?

Toogaytofunction: guess who’s back

Loverboy: BACK AGAIN

AhYesTheForthWall: GUESS WHO’S BACK

Mynameismathimatics: tell a friend

Deaddaddy: sweet jesus

AhYesTheForthWall: HEY

Loverboy: I HAVE NOT BEEN SHY I AM JUST A GUY IN THE PUBLIC EYE TRYING TO DO THE BEST FOR OUR REPUBLIC I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT BUT I WON’T APOLOGIZE FOR DOING WHAT’S RIGHT

Rockgodz: (0) days since last hamilaria breakdown

Klancestan: hamilaria?

Loverboy: ALLURA YOU HAVENT SEEN THE VIDEO OHMYBURR

Klancestan changed their name to gayandconfused

Toogaytofunction: i was about to say i agree with lance til he said oh my burr

AhYesTheForthWall: KEITH SAID HE AGREES WITH LANCE

AhYesTheForthWall: ew get a room

Toogaytofunction: stfu you say oh my chuck

AhYesTheForthWall: YOU LEAVE SUPERNATURAL OUT OF THIS

Mynameisnotmathimatics: WE CAN ALWAYS BRING THE REFRIGERATOR INTO THIS

AhYesTheForthWall: Proceed.

Loverboy: https://youtube.com/watch?v=4mrN_Bx9H2Q

gayandconfused: this explains so much

gayandconfused: like why the asl club always gives our group dirty looks

Toogaytofunction>>>loverboy

Toogaytofunction: are we still going to ragnarok tonight?

Loverboy: uh DUH

Loverboy: i’ll pay for tickets

Toogaytofunction: fine then i get to pay for popcorn

Toogaytofunction: do you want me to come pick you up in twenty minutes

Loverboy: um keith bud the movie doesn’t start for an hour and a half

Toogaytofunction: yeah but i thought we could hang out before the movie and just have fun

Loverboy: ok cool

Loverboy: see you in twenty minutes

toogaytofunction>>>AhYesTheForthWall

Toogaytofunction: i feel like my username is an accurate representation of me when i talk to lance

loverboy>>>kingofcooking.jpeg

Loverboy: i feel like keith’s username is an accurate representation of me when i talk to keith

Chapter Text

loverboy>>>toogaytofunction

Loverboy: THAT WAS AWESOME

Toogaytofuntion: HELL YEAH IT WAS

Loverboy: we should go see movies more often

Toogaytofunction: yeah that sounds like a lot of fun

Loverboy: ive always thought of movies as great dates

Loverboy: especially if you already know the person really well

Loverboy: like you and me

Toogaytofunction: heh yeah it’s probably why the gc teases us

Loverboy: and there’s this great movie called love simon about this adorable gay couple

Toogaytofunction: sounds cool

Toogaytofunction: you’re totally right, we should see it, maybe take pidge along

Loverboy: no i was thinking more just the two of us

Loverboy: like a date?

Toogaytofunction: lance are you asking me out

Loverboy: fuck it

Loverboy: yes

toogaytofunction>>>ahyestheforthwall

Toogaytofunction: LANCE IS FLIRTING WITH ME AHHHHH 

Toogaytofunction: WHAT DO I DO

Ahyestheforthwall: sounds like you’re

Ahyestheforthwall: TOO GAY TO FUNCTION

Toogaytofunction: FCUK ILL GO ASK SHRIO

ahyestheforthwall: the author of this is probably having a field day

toogaytofunction>>>deaddaddy

Toogaytofunction: LANCE IS FLIRTING WITH ME 

Toogaytofunction: WHAT DO I DO SHIRO HELP

Deaddaddy: you like him right

Toogaytofunction: yes

Deaddaddy: ask him out or something

Toogaytofunction: ahhhhhhhhhhh

toogaytofunction>>>loverboy

Toogaytofunction: yes

Toogaytofunction: ill go on a date with you

Loverboy: wait REALLY

Toogaytofunction: yes you dolt

Loverboy: YESSSS

Klance needs to fuck

Gayandconfused: i just got

Gayandconfused: the BEST SCREENSHOTS THANKS TO SHIRO

Gayandconfused sent AHHHHHH.jpg

Kingofcooking.jpeg: is that what i think it is

Ahyestheforthwall: lance and keith are supposedly flirting so yes this is a dream come true

ahyesthefourthwall: one step closer

Mynameisnotmathimatics: YES FINALLY

Chapter Text

Loverboy named the chat VICTUURI

Loverboy: Im five minutes into the second episode and What The Fuck

Loverboy: i started this episode and Victor was butt fucking naked

Loverboy: Yuuri is so flustered

Mynameisnotmathimatics: this sounds so wrong

Loverboy: “Yuuri, can we sleep together?”

Loverboy: this is a ice skating drug and i love it

Gayandconfused: WAIT DID YOU JUST START WATCHING YUURI ON ICE

Loverboy: um yeah i procrastinate like the queen bitch i am

Gayandconfused: Touche.

Gayandconfused: Continue.

Loverboy: Victor’s eyes are SO BLUE WTF

Loverboy: HOW

Kingofcooking.jpeg: they take the color of the sky and mix it with the color of the bluest water

AhYesTheFourthWall: obviously lance

Mynameisnotmathimatics: your commentary is A++

Loverboy: “You need to take advantage of Victor!”

Loverboy: can i marry the writers

kingofcooking.jpeg: no you have me

Loverboy: ugh fine hunkers

Loverboy: i love how when victor suggests yuuri is heterosexual he freaks

Loverboy: same

AhYesTheFourthWall: wait is anyone in this chat actually straight

Rockgodz: I am

Deaddaddy: the ultimate ally

Loverboy: yuuri is ready to sweetly and gently fuck victor

Deaddaddy: yuuri on ice?

Gayandconfused: Yuuri On Ice.

Loverboy: victor talking about his first girlfriend and yuuri freaking is a mood

Kingofcooking.jpeg: yuuri is just a mood in general

Kingofcooking.jpeg: anxious, gay, overeats, need i go on?

Loverboy: wait

Loverboy: why the fuck is the russian yuuri guy here

Gayandconfused: Yuurio.

AhYesTheFourthWall: my angsty son

Loverboy: wtf im watching a romance i stg

Mynameisnotmathimatics: i mean

Loverboy : “I want to eat pork cutlet bowl with you Victor”

Deaddaddy: there was a reason the manga was dubbed yaoi

Loverboy: YUURIO’S INSTAGRAM IS JUST HIM AND VICTOR’S IS ALL HIM AND YUURI

Loverboy: IM SO HERE FOR THIS

Loverboy: “I wonder which one of you will be able to satisfy me?”

Loverboy: VICTOR WTFFFFFFFFFF

AhYesTheFourthWall: oh just you wait

Loverboy: THIS IS WHY YUURI IS ALWAYS FLUSTERED

Loverboy: i want to make it clear i am currently loving this show

Toogaytofunction: i am over at his house

Toogaytofunction: i can confirm

Toogaytofunction: he cant stop blushing whenever victor does something embarrassing

Gayandconfused: Aww, did you two decide to watch Yuuri On Ice for a date?

Toogaytofunction: yeah

Gayandconfused: Sorry, that went a bit too far.

Gayandconfused: WAIT WHAT

Loverboy: youre shitting me.

Loverboy: that’s what helps him perform eros

Loverboy: A PORK CUTLET BOWL

Loverboy: COME ON

Gayandconfused: SORRY ARE WE GONNA IGNORE WHAT KEITH JUST SAID

Kingofcooking.jpeg: IM WITH ALLURA ON THIS ONE WTF GuYS

Rockgodz: I know what’s going on :))))))

Kingofcooking changed shay ’s name to evilsunshine

Loverboy: i dont know how you know but ok

AhYesTheFourthWall: WHY’D YOU EVEN SAY ANTHING NOW THEYLL PESTER YOU UNTIL YOU TELL THEM

Evilsunshine: ;)

loverboy>>>toogaytofunction

Loverboy: so

Toogaytofunction: so

Loverboy: want to tease them with whether we’re dating or not

Loverboy: i mean we are but they dont know that yet

Toogaytofunction: obviously

Chapter Text

Victuuri

Mynameisnotmathimatics: guys i just submitted applications to colleges even though i was procrastinating

Kingofcooking.jpeg: i’m pretty sure no one else is awake, since the only time they sleep is after school before dinner

Kingofcooking.jpeg: but that’s great

Kingofcooking.jpeg: that sounds sarcastic but it’s not i swear

Evilsunshine: just say bro after

Evilsunshine: it makes everything sound better

Kingofcooking.jpeg: that’s great bro

Kingofcooking.jpeg: HOLY CANNOLI

Kingofcooking.jpeg changed the group’s name to bro

Gayandconfused: Can we all just appreciate the fact that Hunk just said holy cannoli?

Gayandconfused changed kingofcooking.jpeg’s name to holycannoli

Mynameisnotmathimatics created DREAM MEME TEAM CHAT

Mynameisnotmathimatics added loverboy, AhYesTheFourthWall

Mynameisnotmathimatics: I’m UPSETTI SPAGHETTI

AhYesTheFourthWall: mother russia shall bless you tonight with soup for your soul

AhYesTheFourthWall: unlike lance

Loverboy: WhaT

AhYesTheFourthWall: the bears of mother russia shall be eating at her feet tonight

Loverboy: WhY

Mynameisnotmathimatics: pidge youre high on cold medicine

AhYesTheFourthWall: communist is a no no

Loverboy: WHY DID SENDIK HAVE TO MAKE ME A COMMUNISTTTTT

AhYesTheFourthWall: it is SENDAK you IDIOT

Mynameisnotmathimatics changed AhYesTheFourthWall’s name to motherrussia

Mynameisnotmathimatics: ehehehehehe

Motherrussia changed mynameisnotmathimatic’s name to motherrussiasBEARS

Loverboy: I DONT GIVE A

Motherrussia: the squirrels of mother russia shall poke at your eyes

Loverboy: child abuse

Loverboy: so are we gonna start a video call or what

Motherrussia: you shall use plastic spoon to uncover bed that has been covered in snow of mother russia tonight

motherrussiasBEARS: no i cant

motherrussiasBEARS: i have homework

motherrussiasBEARS: i hate having to homework

motherrussiasBEARS: its evil

Motherrussia: good brother. More soup for soul. From mother russia.

motherrussiasBEARS: what the fork

Motherrussia:soup for soul is like goat foot for brain

Motherrussia: vkusniv!

loverboy: pidge stay away from viktor

Motherrussia: viktor is my baby boy

motherrussiasBEARS: viktor krum????

Loverboy: HAHAHAHHAHAHHAH

Motherrussia: he is the best boi

Loverboy: nO

Motherrussia: no no sweet brother

Motherrussia: different viktor

Loverboy: i want a shot of this cough medicine cause oh boy is it strong

Loverboy: BUT NO VIKTOR FROM YUURI ON ICE

motherrussiasBEARS: oh

Loverboy: BWHWHAHAHHHAH

motherrussiasBEARS: sad

Loverboy: GSAP

Loverboy: SHAME

Motherrussia: best boy

Motherrussia: he gets pork cutlet bowl for soul

Loverboy: with THE BLUEST EYES

Loverboy: THEYRE SO BLUE

Motherrussia: they truely are

Loverboy: im listening to frozen

Loverboy: the sequel to yuuri on ice

Motherrussia: no

Motherrussia: the rats of mother russia shall gnaw on your intestines tonight

Loverboy: kinky

Motherrussia: my child

Motherrussia: I cannot believe you are into such odd behavior

Motherrussia: mother russia is very disappointed

Loverboy: ew no i was calling you out

Loverboy: you have no right to be disappointed in this situation

Motherrussia: i’m flattered that young child believes that i am mother russia

Motherrussia: mother russia laughs with enjoyment

motherrussiasBEARS changed motherrussia’s name to notmotherrussia

loverboy:whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Notmotherrussia: you are far too clueless my child

Notmotherrussia: mother russia holds many secrets you have yet to understand

Loverboy: i hate this family

HOLYCANNOLI>>>Loverboy

(A/N this is happening at like 11ish at night)

HOLYCANNOLI: I MADE TEA

loverboy: NOICE

HOLYCANNOLI: CHAMOMILE WITH LAVENDER

HOLYCANNOLI: i just made some good ass tea

loverboy: FUCK

loverboy: there's a moth in my room

loverboy: i tried to kill it twice and i still dont know if it's dead

loverboy: if i find it again i'm just screaming bloody murder and sleeping downstairs for a week

HOLYCANNOLI: good job i thought you were shiro saying fuck for a split second and my heart dropped

loverboy: haha no it's the swear train

loverboy: toot toot motherfucker

HOLYCANNOLI: THIS CHAMOMILE TEA WITH LAVENDER is amazing ten out of ten suggest

HOLYCANNOLI: however its more of a tea meant for gulping instead of sipping

loverboy: i just might even though i have one of my dogs sleeping in my room

loverboy: since i'm not gonna sleep for a while

loverboy: you know what 

HOLYCANNOLI: hm?

loverboy: fuck the dog imma go downstairs and make tea

HOLYCANNOLI: fuck yeah you go bitch

HOLYCANNOLI: i fuckin love you motherfucker

HOLYCANNOLI: i'm sorry that was empowering

HOLYCANNOLI: we love LGBT who empower other LGBT

loverboy: yas queen

loverboy: UPDATE ON TEA:i got caught and my mom tried to make me leave my laptop in my room

loverboy: like BITCH 

loverboy: no

HOLYCANNOLI: good job

Bro

toogaytofunction: OH MY GOD

toogaytofunction: lance somehow convinced his mom to buy call me by your name and we're gonna watch it tomorrow

toogaytofunction: we're both sleeping over at pidge's

loverboy: here's how i see it babe

loverboy: love simon is a gay movie written for gay people while cmbyn is a gay movie written for straight people

gayandconfused: I HEARD KLANCE AND I GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD

Notmotherrussia: i heard one guy fucks a peach in it

loverboy: PIDGE

Notmotherrussia: that's what i heard

Chapter Text

Loverboy changed the group’s name to FUCKING SIBILINGS

Loverboy: guess what my dumbass sister just did

Holycannoli : which one

Loverboy : bailey

Holycannoli : ew

Holycannoli : continue

Loverboy : she broke her car :,)

notmotherrussia : what a surprise

Loverboy : cant wait for another round of bailey stole the car again

Loverboy : lol the engine doesnt work anymore

Mynameisnotmathimatics : lance your moms car just went whizzing down our street

Loverboy : ill tell mama

Mynameisnotmathimatics changed the group’s name to sorry guys

Mynameismathimatics : im sending a cursed image

Mynameismathimatics : beware

Evilsunshine : NO

Evilsunshine : ME AND HUNK ARE OVER AT THE HOLT HOUSE

Evilsunshine : WE ALL SCREAMED WHEN WE SAW IT

Evilsunshine : DONT LOOK

Mynameisnotmathimatics : yea

Mynameisnotmathimatics : yes

Mynameisnotmathimatics : i had to see it so you do too

Holycannoli : COVER YOUR EYES

Holycannoli : DONT LOOK

Holycannoli : ITS SO BAD

Deaddaddy : is it the momo statue

Mynameismathimatics sent mineta_doing_unspeakable_things.jpeg

Loverboy : MY EYES

Gayandconfused : OH

Gayandconfused : FUCK

Mynameisnotmathimatics : yea

Gayandconfused : BURN IT

Loverboy : ITS SO BAD

Loverboy : STOOOOOOP

Mynameisnotmathimatics : i had to see it and i couldnt be the only one to witness the horribleness

Gayandconfused : I hate that photo

Mynameisnotmathimatics : same

Deaddaddy : i have to burn my eyes now

Evilsunshine : i can never look at him again

Notmotherrussia sent shigaraki_and_nomu_ew.png

Gayandconfused : PIDGE

Notmotherrussia : IT WAS MATT

Mynameisnotmathimatics : you mustnt have heard me. I had to see it so you have to see it too

Loverboy : MATT STOP WHY

Mynameismathimatics : cant you read

Loverboy : NO CAUSE MY VISION IS PERMANENTLY DAMAGED BY THOSE PICTURES

Loverboy : tbh the mineta one is worse since its mineta

Sorry guys

Toogaytofunction : hey guys why’s the chat named this

Toogaytofunction : its five in the morning why are you guys up and freaking out

Toogaytofunction : OH MY MOTHERFUCING GOS

Loverboy : oh babe

Loverboy : morning!

Toogaytofunction : shiro wheres the bleach

Deaddaddy : keith no

Toogaytofunction : SHIRO WHE RES T HE BLEA CH

Evilsunshine : Lance just called Keith babe but i’m assuming We’re Not Gonna Talk About That

Loverboy : ;)

Toogaytofunction : ;))

deaddaddy changed their name to imtootired

imtootired>>>mynameisnotmathimatics

imtootired : i think

imtootired : i’m not as into you as i originally thought

imtootired : i’m just not comfortable i guess

imtootired : please don’t take it the wrong way

imtootired : but

imtootired : i like someone else i guess

Mynameisnotmathimatics : yeah its totally fine

Mynameisnotmathimatics : i think i feel the same way

Mynameisnotmathimatics : without the liking someone else part

Chapter Text

Toogaytofunction changed the group’s name too oops :’)

Toogaytofunction: i think i just almost burned the house down

Imtootired: KEITH

Holycannoli: Keith...why

Toogaytofunction: i havent actually seen you guys enough this summer

Toogaytofunction: so impulse control is in the negatives

Toogaytofunction: so…..fire

Holycannoli: jesus christ

Toogaytofunction: i had a scrap of toilet paper, a lighter, and a candle

Toogaytofunction: what else was i supposed to do

Imtootired: literally anything else

Toogaytofunction: i told you, we havent talked enough this summer

Imtootired: WE LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE

Toogaytofunction: your point

Oops :’)

Gayandconfused: This is kind of TMI but my bra just unhooked itself and I almost had a panic attack

Mynameisnotmathimatics: rood

mynameisnotmathimatics: scandal

Loverboy: PARTYBOOB

Toogaytofunction: LANCE

Loverboy: WHOOOOOO

Toogaytofunction: NO

Toogaytofunction: WHY

Toogaytofunction: YOU

Toogaytofunction: DO

Toogaytofunction: THIS

Toogaytofunction: YOU

Toogaytofunction: FUCK

Toogaytofunction: BYTT

Toogaytofunction: UGH

Toogaytofunction: I

Toogaytofunction: HATE

Toogaytofunction: THIS

Toogaytofunction: STUPID

Toogaytofunction: EVERYTHONG

imtootired: thong

Notmotherrussia: ehehehehehehhehehe

Loverboy: BWHAHAHAHA THONG

Holycannoli: ;)

Toogaytofunction: i hate you all

notmotherrussia: whos scandalous now

Toogaytofunction: they were flip flops you uncultured swine

loverboy: THOSE ARE MY CHANCLAS

Notmotherrussia: they’re called sandals you smushed rasin cookie

Loverboy: HEY I LIKE RASIN COOKIES

Notmotherrussia: THEYRE SAD WHEN THEYRE SMUSHED

Loverboy: THATS TRUE NVM

Toogaytofunction: YOU ARE A WET PAPER

Notmotherrussia: cranberry fuck nut

Toogaytofunction: THAT WOULD BE MINE

Notmotherrussia: a stolen insult but a good one

Notmotherrussia: you jake pauler

Loverboy: OHHHHHHHHHHH

Oops :’)

Holycannoli: science side of the group chat

Holycannoli: why do my lungs sound the way they do

Loverboy: you have shitty ass lungs

Imtootired: you have mucus in your lungs

Holycannoli: i love dying :’)

Evilsunshine: No

Mynameisnotmathimatics: Unpopular Opinion

Mynameisnotmathimatics: Obama Is Attractive

Notmotherrussia: FULLY POPULAR OBAMA IS BAE

Mynameisnotmathimatics: yes

Mynameisnotmathimatics: 0 to 100

Evilsunshine: he is really attractive

Notmotherrussia: 500

Evilsunshine: i’d give him 92/100

Evilsunshine: -8 just because he’s a lot older than me so it’s hard for me to be completely attracted to him

Notmotherrussia: thats valid

Loverboy: id let him be my sugar daddy

Notmotherrussia: I WANT OBAMA AS MY SUGAR DADDY

Mynameisnotmathimatics: fair

Chapter Text

Oops ;)

Loverboy: i know you don’t like that shirt youre wearing keith

Loverboy: but I could definitely pull it off

toogaytofunction: oh my god please do

Loverboy: what

toogaytofunction: W H A T

Ahyesthefourthwall: right in front of my salad

Toogaytofunction named the chat ANESTHESIA

Toogaytofunction: so pidge is getting their wisdom teeth removed

Gayandconfused: I HEARD KLANCE AND I CAME RUNNING

Loverboy: too late bitch

Gayandconfused: FUCK

Gayandconfused: Keith, please tell me you plan to videotape all of this.

Toogaytofunction: who do you take me to be

Toogaytofunction: of course ill videotape it all

Ahyesthefourthwall: would you expect anything less princess

Loverboy: psst

Loverboy: keith

Toogaytofunction: what

Loverboy: i love my dog

Toogaytofunction: i thought you were going to say something sweet like i love you or something

Toogaytofunction: uh

Toogaytofunction: goodnight guys

Loverboy: not what i was expecting at 3 am

Gayandconfused: THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR SLEEPING

Gayandconfused: AHHHHHHH

loverboy: mood

Gayandconfused>>>loverboy

Gayandconfused: What

Gayandconfused: What is happening with you and Keith cause I want to be excited for you but I want details.

Loverboy: :)

Gayandconfused: Lance that is not an answer

Loverboy: :)

Gayandconfused: Oh my god

Gayandconfused>>>imtootired

Gayandconfused: Shiro, for the love of god, ask Keith what's happening with him and Lance

Gayandconfused: Lance refused to answer me and only gave me a :)

Gayandconfused: So I know some shit is up.

imtootired: fuck fine

imtootired>>>toogaytofunction

imtootired: I was told to ask you what's up with you and Lance since he's being a snarky little s@#$

imtootired: the person that asked me about this won’t leave me alone until someone gives them info

Toogaytofunction: so allura

imtootired: yes Allura

Toogaytofunction: lance told me not to say anything

Toogaytofunction: sorry shiro