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Part 1 of The Pressure of the Moment
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2010-08-16
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2011-02-28
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Pressure; Book I: Memories

Summary:

Every destiny begins somewhere. At one point, they were all children, all innocent. Some of them, however, lost their innocence a little earlier than others, and sometimes, even when it's all over, fate hasn't let go yet.

Notes:

Originally, this was my project for Megaflare 2010, but it rapidly grew far too large for that. Instead, I will be tackling a different plot line for that one, and I humbly present my interpretation of Irvine's character for your perusal. It is important to remember that this is speculative fiction (by definition, isn't most fanfiction?), and at times, I may have stretched the canon to fit over my story. Any inconsistencies are my own, and I do apologize for them.

That being said, these first few chapters do heavily explore a theme that I proposed when I wrote and posted "An Instant of Tension," but they delve into far greater detail and do not shy away from the uglier parts as much. Yes, I did use the same quote ("The pressure of the moment...An instant of tension... That's what...I have to face alone...") for the two stories, as really, they are one and the same.

The quote from the movie at the end of the chapter is actually from Firefly, episode 12 "The Message."

Finally, I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Chapter 1: Beginnings

Chapter Text

"One at a time, children." Edea was laughing as she passed out lunch boxes, making certain everyone had something to eat. "We have a long train ride ahead of us. Let's go ahead and eat so that everything has time to settle. … Seifer, don't poke at Squall's lunch." She arched an eyebrow at him and smiled when Quistis plopped down to sit between the two boys, ensuring that no fights broke out in the middle of the square just outside of hotel. Cid was on his way back, meeting them just in front of the hotel before they were to catch the train to Balamb.

Another lengthy boat ride, and then they'd be back at home, where the children could play a little more freely. She had to admit, she was ready to be back home. The crush of people on the mainland was almost unbearable, and constantly having to pretend that she was completely normal had worn heavily on her nerves.

"Selphie, drink your juice. Don't wave it around like that; you'll drop it." Sighing, Edea surveyed her little group, reaching up to push the heavy fall of her hair back over her shoulder as she did. Seifer was reaching around Quistis's back to poke Squall, despite the younger boy pointedly ignoring him. Ellone was on the other side of Squall, her box in her lap as she handed Squall what was probably all the best parts of it. Selphie sat nearby, happily chewing on her sandwich, juice box on the ground since she'd been scolded. That left only-

"Zell?" She twisted, looking around the open area, her eyes narrowing. Normally, he sat the closest to her, shielding himself from Seifer behind her skirt. She'd even given him his lunch box first so that she wouldn't have to worry about him as she sorted out the others. Now, she took a few steps from their group, scanning the edges of the alleys-

There he was, crouched down in the entrance to one of the smaller side streets, box open on the ground, his juice box sitting between himself and another boy. Edea stopped moving, looking at the other youth for several moments. He was painfully thin, his clothes ragged around the edges. He had dirt smudged over the side of his face; long brown hair fell, matted and uncombed, down his back. She felt a tightness in her chest; she had lost count of how many children she'd discovered looking like that.

Zell tore a large chunk out of his sandwich and held it out. For just a moment, she didn't think that his new friend would take it, then he finally did. Zell's grin widened, and he glanced over his shoulder back toward Edea. He was so proud of himself, that it made her smile, and she noticed the other boy looking up at her as well. She glanced around, ensuring that no one was paying her too much attention, and then she purposely let herself relax, let the magic in her blood rise to just under her skin.

In this state, with her eyes melting into a warm gold color, her gaze was hypnotic, encouraging. It was the single best gift she'd been given as a Sorceress, the ability to convince people to trust her, no matter what their instincts said. She approached the two boys carefully all the same, not wanting to startle them. "Zell, are you going to introduce me?" She sank down to her knees, tucking her long black skirt under herself without thinking about it.

Both of them looked up at her without speaking, and she nodded slowly before she turned her gaze to the other boy. She could hear Zell slurping juice happily, and she reached out a hand to the newcomer. "Hello there. I'm ..." She hesitated. She'd never told any of the children her first name, and yet, introducing herself as 'Matron' didn't seem quite right for the situation. "Edea," she finally said softly, and he smiled at her. His smaller hand slipped into hers, and he ducked his head. He didn't break eye contact though.

"I-Irvine," he whispered. He blinked at her very slowly, as though fighting the urge to.

"It's lovely to meet you. Where are your parents, Irvine?" She was very careful, not wanting to overload him. One question at a time, adding his name at the end of them to make certain that he realized what she wanted was the slower way, but it was safer for him. She had already created a bond with him. He would trust her now, even if she had to immediately drop the spell. She didn't think she'd need to though.

Irvine shook his head, his blue eyes widening a fraction. His pupils narrowed to pinpricks of black, and she nodded to herself. Dead then. Some sort of trauma had afflicted him. "And how old are you, Irvine?"

"Four."

She doubted that but didn't say it out loud. He looked a little older; five, maybe even six. "That was the last birthday you celebrated, Irvine?" She sighed quietly when he nodded, and she held out her arms. He stood, legs trembling slightly, and came to her, collapsing against her. She held him quietly, listening to the chatter of the other children, to Zell, still noisily trying to get the last drops out of his juice box.

He wordlessly nodded, and she stood then, moving to hold his hand. Zell fell into step behind her, taking Irvine's other hand without prompting. His lunch box was in his free hand, and Irvine's eyes widened as he approached the group. He tensed, but he didn't fight her. She let the magic fade from her eyes then as she knelt with the other children, coaxing Irvine to sit beside her.

"Everyone, this is Irvine. He's going to go home with us." She reached up and pushed his hair back out of his face, smiling warmly. Cid was walking up the path, papers in hand. He stopped when he saw her, smiled fondly, and turned right back around. They were going to need another ticket.


"MATWYN!"

Edea blew out a breath and turned to look at the doorway. Zell shouted again, and she wiped the flour off of her hands on the towel by the sink before walking out to see what was the matter. Her white apron was left on the hook by the kitchen, and when she saw the blood in the courtyard, she gasped. "Boys!"

Irvine and Seifer both guiltily looked up at her, their small fists first clenching, then relaxing. Blood had been smeared all over both sets of knuckles, but Zell was still clinging to one of Irvine's arms, clearly trying to break up the fight. Edea crossed the yard, staring down at all of them as she wrapped her arms around her middle. Her eyes darted over to Zell's hair, mussed up and everywhere. She frowned.

"Seifer, did you pull Zell's hair?"

Seifer froze, then clenched his hand into a fist and scowled through the blood still pouring from his nose. Finally, he nodded, and Edea sighed as she knelt and looked carefully at his face. There didn't seem to be any permanent damage; it didn't even look broken, thankfully. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe the blood up with. "Go wash up," she told him firmly. "We will talk about this after you're done."

Seifer nodded slowly, taking the small piece of cloth with him as he stalked off. She shook her head a little. Not even five yet, and he could already swagger with the best of them. She turned her attention then to Irvine. The boy hadn't moved a muscle, despite Zell still tugging on his arm. His brown hair was wild and a little curly, sticking to the blood rubbed under his nose. She inspected him as well, touching his chin and turning his head this way and that. When she was satisfied, she touched Zell's wrist.

"Why don't you go on in, dear?"

But as the words came out of her mouth, Irvine's hand wrapped around Zell's wrist, keeping the smaller boy exactly where he was. She smiled faintly. "Want him to stay, do you? Very well. … Irvine, you can't keep fighting with Seifer." She touched the blood lightly with her fingertips. It was already beginning to dry. Gingerly, she started sweeping his hair from the sticky mess.

"He's mean."

"That might be so, but it is no excuse for you to punch him." To her pleasure, Irvine didn't try to deny that he was the one to swing first. Instead, he simply bowed his head to her, accepting that she simply knew. She leaned back a little and offered a faint smile. "It is good that you protect Zell, but why don't you start coming to me first, instead of fighting?"

"Yes, Matron," he murmured, looking down.

She patted him on the top of his head. "Go clean up." He immediately darted away, tugging Zell along behind him. Tears were still in the blond's eyes, but he seemed to cheer up a bit when he saw Selphie in the doorway, cheerfully waving despite all the blood on Irvine's face.

"Edea."

She looked up at the new voice, and her smile widened. "Isobel. I wasn't aware that you were coming for a visit today." She bowed slightly to her guest, a little surprised that she hadn't heard her approaching.

Isobel was lovely, her soft brown hair falling around her face in waves, held back by a narrow purple ribbon. Her dress was simple, particularly when one took into account that she was probably the wealthiest woman in Galbadia. "Yes, well. Father was searching, you know? For battle island." She wiggled her fingers, laughing at the thought. Her father had been searching for battle island for years.

"I see. … You must come in." Remembering her manners, Edea stepped to the side, holding out her hand. "I was just about to put bread in the oven."

"Oh, how lovely." Isobel nodded and followed Edea into the kitchen, where she set her bag down on the table. She fell into one of the chairs, and Edea pulled her apron back on and washed her hands again. "How is my little Irvine doing, Edea?" Isobel propped her head up on one hand, and Edea glanced over at her as she resumed work on the dough. A puff of flour went up in the air, and she couldn't help but notice that it stuck to Isobel's glossy lips, ruining the manicured front the woman wore. Edea hid a smile.

"He's doing well. Got into a fight just a few moments ago." She glanced down and started to separate the dough, working it into smaller sections. "Defending Zell from Seifer."

Isobel pursed her lips for a moment, then smiled. "Poor dear. He's always protecting that boy though. Well, or chasing the little girl. … Selphie?"

"Yes. He has developed quite the crush." Edea laughed as she began to roll the smaller pieces into long logs to braid. Braided loaves were Zell's favorite, and after the incident today, she was certain he could use them. "Have you given it anymore thought, Isobel?" Edea lifted her eyes in time to watch Isobel begin picking at the corner of the chair. Nerves.

"I have. I... I think I will, Edea. If you believe it's a good idea. Do you think he would like me?"

She couldn't stop the laugh from bubbling up, and she waved a little at Isobel's flush. "No, no! I don't mean anything by it. I'm just surprised that someone as confident as you is doubtful of her ability to secure a little boy's heart." Edea placed the rolls on a tray to rise and wiped her hands on the apron before peeling it off. "You have your soldier... Martine? You have him practically eating out of your hand."

"He's not a soldier." Isobel's smile returned, and she relaxed in her seat. "He's a tactician." But she didn't offer anymore information on the matter. Instead, she asked, "Where is Cid? Normally he helps you with the baking."

"He took a few of the children to their new homes." Edea hung the apron up on the hook and turned to face Isobel. "Are you planning on spending some time with the little ones today?"

"With Irvine? Yes, of course. Look, I even brought a movie." Isobel reached into her bag and pulled out a little box, which she handed over to Edea. "Tranquility. It's a cowboy movie. I thought they might like it."

Edea studied it for a few minutes, then nodded and handed it back. "Why don't you go set it up and I'll fetch them for you then?" She waited until Isobel had entered the next room, and then she went through the house, sending children as she found them to sit in the living area. The last one she found was Seifer. She sank to her knees in front of him, lightly brushing his hair back with a finger.

"Are you feeling up to a movie?" she asked softly, and when he nodded, she smiled. "Good. I will speak with you about your behavior after Miss Kinneas leaves." She watched him frown, but he nodded slowly to her all the same. "Now, let's go see this film, shall we?"

He reached for her hand, but he quickly looked at the floor when she turned to look at him. "Matron?"

"Yes, Seifer?" She frowned just a little.

"Can... Can I help you in the kitchen?"

She hesitated, and then reached up to brush his hair back from his face. "Dear," she started, and then she sighed. "Why don't you watch the movie with the other children? You may help me in the kitchen another night." She put her hand on his shoulder and walked with him back into the living area. The television was already on, but the movie hadn't started yet. Gently, Edea pushed Seifer into a chair. Quistis immediately seated herself beside him, giving him a pointed look.

Ellone sat on the floor, with Squall in her lap. He really was getting too big for that but watching Ellone gently smooth out his hair with her happy smile, Edea realized that she didn't have the heart to insist he sit on the floor beside her instead. Instead, she glanced over at Isobel, who smiled and clicked the remote, turning on the movie. Irvine sat on the floor in front of her, with Selphie and Zell on either side of him. Edea's smile widened as she realized that both of the children were leaning over on Irvine's shoulders.

She slipped back into the kitchen. She half-listened to the movie- typical cowboy film about good against evil, with the hero insisting that he was not a hero- as she prepared supper, and by the time she was ready to call everyone to it, the movie was close to over. She stood in the doorway, watching with the children as the hero confronted the villain, only to discover after firing the lethal shot that he wasn't a villain at all, simply misunderstood.

"When you can't run," the man whispered, "you crawl. And when you can't... when you can't crawl..."

"You find someone to carry you."

Edea couldn't help mouthing the words with the hero, and she wanted to laugh as she saw Zell do the same. Neither she nor the children had ever seen this particular film, but she knew the series. It was Isobel's favorite, and the heiress often brought movies from it for the children to watch. When it was all finally over, the villain buried and the hero riding off into the sunset, Edea clapped her hands.

Everyone jumped, and Isobel laughed. "Matron," she said with a little grin on her face, "you startled me! Whatever is it?"

"Dinner is ready."

There was practically a charge for the kitchen, and Edea stood by the doorway with Isobel. The children, even with their rush, were relatively orderly, Ellone dishing out bowls while Squall handed them to the others. Edea lifted her eyes to Isobel and tilted her head a little.

"Why don't you ask him tonight? See how he feels about it."

Isobel blushed a little, but she smiled anyway, reaching up to cover her mouth with her hand. "Do you think I should? He seems happy here, Edea-"

"Ask him. If he's agreeable, we'll talk more about it."

Isobel nodded then, and soon, they were all sitting down at the table, bowls in front of them. Discussion rose and fell, mostly about the movie, until finally, Irvine asked a question.

"Why did he wear a black hat?"

Isobel smiled to herself, stirring her soup idly as she murmured, "Because he was the cute one." It wasn't until Edea coughed that Isobel even seemed to realize that she'd spoken aloud. Her blush returned full force, and she quickly shoved a spoonful of soup into her mouth to buy herself a few moments.

Seifer frowned at Irvine. "Because he was the bad guy, dummy."

"If he was such a bad guy, why did the other guy get upset for having to shoot him, idiot?" Irvine scowled, dropping his spoon as he glared at Seifer.

"Boys." Isobel's voice was firmer now that she had taken a moment to compose herself, and Edea let her handle the conversation, wanting to see where she would take it. "Boys. In these sorts of movies, the good and bad guys wear certain kinds of clues to let you know who you should be rooting for. Scars over the face are generally a bad thing, as are black hats. People wearing black hats do things like killing other people for money. It makes them what we call a 'villain.'"

The children all nodded slowly, and Edea glanced over at Isobel, who looked intently at her dinner for the rest of the evening. In fact, she didn't say another word until Edea sent the children to play, and Irvine stayed just long enough to thank her for the movie. Isobel seized her chance then.

"Irvine," her voice was soft, warm. "Would you like to live with me, dear?"