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Chapter Text

Prologue

Viktor doesn’t remember the first time he met Yuuri Katsuki.

He’s tried, wracked his brains over and over again, poured over the absent memories long into the night until his head is pounding and the first light of morning has begun to creep over the horizon. But there’s nothing there. Just an absent, empty space where the memories should be, the incident gone and forgotten from his mind almost as soon as it happened.

Yuuri has told him of course. Every sordid detail, every word, every expression, every gesture. He knows the story now better than anyone but Yuuri himself, knows and regrets. But his own memories of the incident still remain elusive, as though they might never have existed at all. 

Viktor doesn’t remember the first time he met Yuuri Katsuki.

This however, is what Viktor does remember…

Viktor was fifteen and he had just made history.

It was his last Junior Grand Prix Final, his last season as a Junior and the pressure had been higher than ever. Despite his age he was already rapidly gaining fame and popularity, his skating skills making him stand out leagues ahead of all his competitors. Before the Grand Prix Series had even begun, the expectation was that he would finish the final with a gold.

 Viktor loved to surprise the audience and he never wanted to conform to expectations so he did one better. He broke a world record instead. 

It was the perfect way to start off his final season as a Junior and Viktor had felt a great swell of pride as his scores had been announced, proclaiming him the skater with the highest combined score in Junior Grand Prix history. It might have seemed effortless out on the ice but hundreds of hours of practice and pain and pushing himself to his limits and beyond had gone into the performances that had scored him such a high honour.

Both of the routines that had won him the medal had been tailor made for him. Two opposing themes and two opposing programs, one hard and cold like ice and the other full of love and warmth. Complimenting each other but different all the same. Viktor knew a lot about ice, it was what he had given his life to after all, but it was the second program that was his favourite, the free skate routine. A routine about love, love filled with warmth and light with the power to break through even the harshest of winters and the coldest of hearts. Viktor didn’t know much about love himself but he thought that one day, he might like to.

Yakov had given him almost free reign over the routine which was one of the reasons why Viktor loved it so much. He wasn’t allowed to choreograph himself yet - although Yakov had promised that next year he could and Viktor would do it anyway even without his new coach’s permission - but he had been given the freedom to make the routine his own. Out on the ice he had poured his heart and soul into the performance, tried to make the audience feel what he wanted them to feel. Skating was a language within itself, each routine told a story and Viktor was the best storyteller of them all.

The costume was one that Viktor had chosen for himself as well, tight and black with a flare at the side like a skirt. The almost feminine grace complimented his figure well, still slender and willowy and yet to fill out the way that Yakov had warned him that he one day would. Some had commented that it was an odd choice, especially with the long hair that had been Viktor’s trademark ever since he stepped out onto the ice, but he didn’t care. Beauty only came with creativity and the only way to sustain that was to surprise the audience, to defy their expectations.

And so Viktor skated the routine the way he wanted to, in the costume that he had chosen and put his soul into every step because it was what he did and what he loved and all he ever needed in his life. And in return he had been rewarded with a gold medal and a world record that made all his work and pain and devotion to skating above all else worth it.

Yakov’s ex-wife had once told him that he would have to sell his soul to the ice to win and Viktor had done it without hesitation and never once looked back. He was fifteen and on top of the world, living each day to the fullest and riding high on the feeling of slick ice beneath his skates and a gold medal around his neck.

After the competition was over he headed outside, making his way back to the hotel through the main entrance so that he could greet his fans as he left. A huge crowd was gathered in front of the doors and they all started to cheer and scream as soon as they saw him, each one begging for even a scrap of his attention.

Viktor loved meeting his fans, love the enthusiasm and support they gave him. Despite Yakov’s protests he tried to interact with them as much as possible, to give a little back to show his gratitude. Signing autographs and taking pictures after a competition was exhausting but it was something he loved to do all the same. Something he had done a thousand times before and would do a thousand times again.

Moments like that all seem to blur into each other in his memory, a hundred faces seen and forgotten in a handful of minutes as he worked his way down the line, signing posters and taking pictures and exchanging a few words and a smile with each fan as he went. Just as it had always been.

Except this time it was different. It was so very different because something had happened that day, something that it would take him years to understand and the rest of his life futilely trying to remember. A single moment like a pebble dropped into a pond, one tiny thing that created ripples reaching out further than the eye could see, ripples that became waves that became tsunamis.

But in that moment Viktor simply carried on as normal because he couldn’t see and didn’t understand and it would be many, many years before he did. In that moment, Viktor was fifteen and blissfully unaware of how drastically the path of his life had just changed forever.

Viktor was seventeen and he was hiding.

It was his second season in the senior division and Yakov had been yelling at him again, something about the last-minute changes to his short program, although Viktor hadn’t really been listening. Yakov was the best coach that he had ever had but sometimes he just didn’t understand Viktor’s impulsive need to do whatever his instincts told him to, both on and off the ice.

So instead of listening to the irate yet well-intentioned ranting, Viktor had wandered off into the stadium with a bad excuse and an airy smile, ducking out of sight as soon as he could and letting the complex maze of corridors lead him further and further away from the crowds. Despite loving performing and loving the attention that it brought him, sometimes it was nice to be alone for a while.

After a few minutes his path took him deep into the bowels of the stadium, far enough away that he was sure no-one would be able to find him. The corridors of the inner stadium were long and twisting, branching out at every turn and growing more and more deserted as he wandered further into their depths.

After another few minutes of aimless wandering Viktor decided to turn back. In his musings, he hadn’t been paying much attention to where he had been walking and Yakov would kill him if he got lost and missed the start of the short programs. There was no-one to ask directions from, he hadn’t spotted another soul for nearly a full minute and the halls were almost eerily silent, the part of the stadium he found himself in clearly an area that had fallen almost into disuse.

It was then that he heard it.

A muffled sob, sounding jarringly loud in the otherwise quiet of the deserted corridor. A sound of complete and abject misery that tugged on Viktor’s heartstrings and spiked his curiosity in the same instant. Concerned, he followed the noise, another sob quickly following the first until the sound of continuous crying filled the air, the sobs only broken by the occasional hitching breath or quiet sniff. The sounds seemed to be coming from one of the rooms branching off the corridor that he was standing in, the door slightly ajar and offering the barest sliver of a view into the room beyond.

Walking up to the door on light feet Viktor peered into the room, trying to make out the source of the crying. From what he could see the room was an old storage room, piles of dusty boxes and assorted junk scattered across the floor and stacked up around the walls. But the source of the noise was hidden just out of sight, coming from a corner out of Viktor’s view.

The door creaked softly as Viktor pushed it inwards and he winced a little at the sound, hoping it hadn’t been noticed. Thankfully the noise seemed to have gone unheard by the figure curled up in the corner of the room, head resting on his knees with his face buried into the fabric of his skating costume, full-body sobs rocking him as he cried.

The figure sounded young, voice high and unbroken. He looked young too, slight frame seemingly dwarfed by the size of the room. Soft, dark hair covered his head, slicked back but with the strands at the front starting to come apart from their rigid style and fall forward to frame the face beneath.

Suddenly the figure moved, swiping a hand under his eyes to clear away the tears that were still falling and his face was revealed for the first time.  Large-eyed and innocent looking, traces of puppy-fat still giving him a hint of childish roundness. The boy couldn’t have been older than thirteen or fourteen, Viktor would have guessed younger if it hadn’t been for the very obvious skating costume that he was wearing. Presumably he was one of the juniors. Their short programs had just finished and it wasn’t unusual for the pressure and expectation to get to some of the younger skaters. Viktor remembered vividly how utterly terrifying his own junior debut had been, even if he had never let it show on his face.

What made the situation unusual however was the fact that the boy was crying alone, so far away from the rest of the stadium and with no coach or parent there to comfort him. It made Viktor want to reach out, to put a comforting arm around him and let the boy cry into his shoulder until he felt better, the way that Makkachin let Viktor cry into his fur when he was at his worst.

Viktor almost reached out but stopped himself just in time, pulling back before he could make any move to step forward. He wasn’t good with people crying in front of him, he never had been and he had no idea how to offer comfort. The situation at hand was completely out of his depth and instead of walking closer he backed away, closing the door as silently as he could behind him so as not to alert the room’s sole occupant to the fact that he had been spotted.

It was probably better that way, he reasoned to himself. Yakov had told him many times before that he had a bad habit of putting his foot in his mouth and Viktor knew that he was most likely right. Entering the room would have inevitably made the situation much worse and with how sad and scared the boy inside had looked Viktor couldn’t imagine he would be grateful for the intrusion. 

Instead he walked away, heading back to the main stadium to find Yakov again before the senior section began and trying to put the mysterious crying boy out of his mind.

That resolve only lasted until the end of the short programs.

Viktor was set to skate last, his position at the top of the scoreboard deciding his placement as the final skater. During the qualifying competitions he had scored the highest of all the finalist, winning both his competitions, something he knew some of the older skaters resented.

When it was finally his turn to take to the ice he got the loudest cheer of them all, the crowd making it very clear who they were most excited to see. Waving in acknowledgement, he skated out into the centre of the rink to begin his routine, taking up his starting position and letting the familiar feeling of weightlessness flood through him as he began to block out everything but the memory of music and movement to prepare for his skate.

The routine was one he had choreographed himself. A dark waltz with music to match, powerful like a demand, like a challenge. A piece designed for two but skated to by one as Viktor crafted his story with every slide of his blades. The routine was a dance with an invisible partner, an invisible rival matching his every move as he told the story of a battle that was as loving as it was fierce. Each of his moves was half complete, made whole only by the phantom partner that existed solely in his mind.

The design and concept for the routine was unique and the crowd ate it up, roaring their approval as he skated and breaking into enthusiastic cheers and whistles as he finally brought the program to a close, feeling the burn in his muscles from a satisfying skate complete once again. After holding his final position for a few seconds he allowed himself to relax, soaking up the praise from the audience who were on their feet, still cheering their approval.

Raising a hand he waved to the crowd in front of him before turning around to acknowledge the ones behind, a smile bright on his face.

It was then that he saw him.

A boy. The same boy, the boy he had seen crying in a deserted room such a short time ago. Far across the rink, half concealed in the shadows of the stands and surrounded by other spectators. But for some reason he seemed to stand out even in the chaos of the crowd. Standing perfectly still and watching Viktor with an unreadable expression on his face, eye serious and so different to the misery that they had been filled with less than an hour previously.

Viktor could feel his hand falter slightly as his eyes widened at the sight. It was unexpected and surprise sparked through him, overlaid with a deep sense of curiosity.

Before he had time to process the sight the boy turned away and disappeared into the throng of the crowd but Viktor knew it had been more than a figment of his imagination. It had been the same boy, he was sure of it.

Without seeing the boy again Viktor knew he probably would have forgotten about the incident in the storage room over time. He had a reputation for being a little forgetful, a little scatter-brained, after all. But now that he had seen the boy twice, both in places that he had no reason to be in and with no context for his presence there, he was intrigued.

That night in the hotel Viktor searched for the boy online, determined to find out more. The costume he had been wearing almost guaranteed him to be one of the junior skaters and Viktor found a listing of those competing in the Junior Prix with relative ease, narrowing the results down until he finally came face to face with a picture of the boy that had caught his eye that day.

Yuuri Katsuki. A Japanese skater competing in the Junior Grand Prix for the first time, reasonably well known in his home country but a nobody on the international stage. The Prix was his first big competition and, according the information that accompanied the picture, he had ruined his short program that day, not unusual for a brand-new skater competing internationally for the first time. It would certainly explain the crying that Viktor had seen earlier. If the score that the article listed for the young Japanese skater were true he had failed his routine and failed it badly.

However, that still didn’t explain his presence in the rink so soon after, standing half-hiding and almost out of sight as he watched Viktor skate. Maybe he was a fan? Viktor knew a lot of younger skaters looked up to him and watched his routines to find inspiration for their own. Maybe that was what Yuuri Katsuki had been doing?

Regardless of his reasons for being there, Viktor was still interested. He felt drawn to the boy, an invisible pull urging him on. Something in the way that he had looked, the way that he had watched Viktor so intently, the way that he had cried alone only when there was no-one there to hear him. Despite now knowing a little more information, Viktor was still intrigued by the other boy and his interest, once gained, was a very hard thing to shake.

The next day the interest was still very present and his impulsive curiosity demanded to know more. Skipping out on last minute practicing before the free skate he stole away from where the rest of the seniors were warming up, sneaking out to the rink where the Junior free skates were about to take place. Yakov would inevitably yell at him for it later but Viktor couldn’t bring himself to care.

When he entered the rink, shoulders hunched and trying to make himself as unnoticeable as possible as he attempted to blend in with the crowd, he spotted him immediately. All of the juniors were out on the ice for their final warm up before the competition began and he was right in the midst of them all, gliding round the rink into a spread eagle with a look of the utmost concentration on his face.

He didn’t look nervous like Viktor had expected him to after discovering how the boy had failed his program the day before. Instead he looked determined, more focused than any of the other skaters out on the ice.

As Viktor mused over the new information the announcer spoke over the loudspeaker, calling for the other skaters to exit the rink and leaving the boy – Yuuri he now knew – alone on the ice. Quickly Yuuri skated over to the barrier, handing his jacket to an older Japanese man who Viktor assumed must be his coach, before hurrying back to the centre of the rink to prepare himself to skate.

After a few seconds of silence the melody rang out clear in the quiet of the stadium, the soft notes of a piano filling the air as Yuuri moved, his eyes closed as he glided backwards, every line of his body melting into the music.

Yuuri Katsuki might have messed up his short program the day before but watching him skate for the first time, Viktor never would have guessed it. Yuuri’s eyes were closed as he spun across the ice with a look of serene grace on his face and every inch of him looked like it was lost in the music. More than that, the music looked like it was coming from him, like he was creating the notes with the movements of his body, the perfect way he captured the melody in his dance.

It was fascinating, watching Yuuri skate. After seeing him cry the day before Viktor wasn’t sure what he had expected but it certainly wasn’t what he was seeing. Yuuri surprising him again with the grace and poise with which he moved, emotions seeming to pour out of him and onto the ice, his soul bare. It was like he was a completely different person to the one Viktor had first seen and Viktor found that he was unable to look away.

With the critical part of his mind, Viktor could see the tiny imperfections in the routine, the places where the other skater fell technically short. But it was his presentation that was so captivating, leaving everyone watch in awe and Viktor was no exception.

If Yuuri had interested Viktor the day before, he fascinated him now. There was something about his skating, something that drew Viktor in. As the routine came to a close, Yuuri held his final position for a few seconds before the last ringing notes of the music died away and he finally let himself relax. Bending over and gasping for breath with the exhaustion that he finally allowed himself to show before raising his face back up to smile at the crowds around him, all of whom were cheering their approval.

His smile was beautiful, lighting up his face with a level of joy that Viktor had almost forgotten it was capable to feel out on the ice.

Despite enjoying the performance, Viktor didn’t stick around to see the scores announced. He had his own free skate to prepare for and he couldn’t afford to be absent for any longer, but even without seeing them he already knew what they would be. After so many years of skating he was a good judge of quality and there was no doubt in his mind that Yuuri Katsuki must have scored highly. The skill of his footwork and the artistry of his performance more than made up for the technical weakness of his jumps and Viktor knew that it would reflect in his scores.

There was an innate beauty to the way that he skated, open and raw and honest. Viktor might only have seen a tiny fraction of his work but he already knew that Yuuri Katsuki was a very special skater, fascinating in a way that few things were.

When he returned to Russia after the Final was over, he searched for Yuuri Katsuki again, reading over the information carefully as he learned more about the other boy. Fourteen years old and from a small Japanese town called Hasetsu. The information was sparse and videos of Yuuri skating were few and far between which frustrated Viktor to no end. He wanted to see more, wanted to try and work out what made Yuuri’s skating so unique.

The other skater had poured his heart out onto the ice and everyone in the audience, including Viktor, had been touched by the depth of the emotion that he displayed.

Viktor couldn’t get it out of his mind, even as the season wore swiftly on. Another gold at the Europeans was added to his collection a few months later and yet another at Worlds shortly after that, Yakov smiling proudly from the side-lines as it was hung shining around his neck.

After the ceremony he collected his things and prepared to leave, meeting Yakov in the corridor. Despite the season officially being over there would be no rest and they both knew it. Viktor was on top of the skating world at only eighteen and he needed to work hard if he wanted to maintain it.

As he talked to his coach, Viktor’s eye was caught by a flash of movement in the corridor, blue eyes locking onto brown as he noticed the figure who had stopped in the hallway a few meters away from him and turned to look back at where Viktor and Yakov were standing.

It was Yuuri Katsuki.

Viktor hadn’t seen him since the Grand Prix Final, although he had watched the other boy’s performance at Junior Worlds on one of the televisions set up all around the backstage area as he prepared for his own skate. Just like at the Junior Grand Prix Final a few months previously, his skating had been enthralling, emotive and unique. The shaky technical elements of his routines had ensured the medal around his neck was bronze rather than gold but technical score could be improved over time.

Viktor opened his mouth, wanting to call out to the other skater. But before any words could get past his lips Yuuri had turned away, dragging a suitcase along behind him and disappearing into the crowds that were still flooding the corridor, hiding him from view.

Yakov shot him a questioning look when he turned back around but Viktor shrugged it off with a few light-hearted words. It was a busy place after all and it was likely that Yuuri hadn’t even seen him, that Viktor had imagined the brief few moments of eye contact. It didn’t matter much. From the way Viktor had seen Yuuri skate he was sure that he would be seeing the boy at plenty of competitions in the future and another opportunity would present itself eventually.

Viktor was eighteen and Yuuri Katsuki had caught his attention for the first time. And, while he might not know it yet, he would never look away again.

Viktor was nineteen and he was running.

There were parts of fame that he enjoyed but the constant presence of the paparazzi wasn’t one of them. As the years had gone by his fame had continued to grow and after such a streak of wins attached to his name, words like ‘legend’ were already beginning to be tossed around by his fans and the press alike. Viktor was proud of what he had achieved and he usually loved the attention, interacting with his fans, doing interviews, smiling for the camera. But sometimes it got a little overwhelming and the constant feeling of being pursued whenever he was at a competition wasn’t a pleasant one.

After the medal ceremony it took him a long time to extract himself from the hoard of press and reporters so when he had seen the group of paparazzi in the hallway, lurking around and waiting for an opportunity, he had ducked away as quickly as he could. Dodging and weaving throughout the crowd and trying to remain undetected. A difficult feat when his bright white and red skating jacket and distinctive silver hair was recognisable to anyone who had even the vaguest knowledge of figure skating. 

After a few seconds he spotted a small side corridor that looked reasonably empty and he hurried into it swiftly, spotting the door marked with the familiar international symbol for bathroom and ducking into it gratefully. Still distracted by his desire to avoid the press he didn’t notice the body in front of him before it was too late, the two of them colliding and the smaller one stumbling back from the force of the impact.

It was Yuuri Katsuki. Viktor had grown again since he had seen the boy last, gaining another few centimetres in height and his shoulders and chest broadening out in a way that threw off his balance when he was skating frustratingly for the first few months until he had forced himself to get used to it. Yuuri on the other hand hadn’t seemed to have had his first growth spurt yet, still small and delicate with the round face of a child. His wide brown eyes were at a level with Viktor’s chest and it was kind of adorable, the way that he had to look up to meet Viktor’s gaze, frantically adjusting his glasses from where they had been knocked crooked from the collision.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see…” Yuuri began but the words trailed off as his gaze landed on Viktor’s face, eyes widening as they took in who was standing before him. 

It had been a year since Viktor had seen Yuuri in person last, at the previous World Championships when their eyes had met so briefly in the corridor. Since then, Viktor had followed Yuuri’s career with interest, watching him perform at the following Junior Grand Prix Final and again at the Junior World Championships that had just ended.

In the Junior Grand Prix Final Yuuri had fallen trying to complete a quad toe loop and it had saddened Viktor to see, the technical failure still dragging down the score of a skater who performed with such artistry. Then at the Junior World Championships Yuuri had forgone quads altogether and finally won the gold that he so rightly deserved.

And now he was here, in a deserted bathroom and looking up at Viktor in frozen silence. Viktor had frozen for a minute too and he was sure the surprise at the unexpected encounter was showing on his face. Yuuri Katsuki had been elusive at all the competitions that he attended and Viktor hadn’t expected to run into him here of all place. But he was never one to waste a good opportunity when it presented itself.

“You’re the junior gold medallist aren’t you? Yuuri Katsuki?” he asked, hoping to break the silence that was rapidly becoming uncomfortable. He knew who Yuuri was already of course but it would seem a little strange to mention that, seeing as they had never officially spoken before.

A light flush of colour appeared across Yuuri’s cheeks and he blinked rapidly behind the thick frames of his glasses, looking a little startled but still not making any move to respond other than a slight nod. The silence dragged out again and Viktor could feel the discomfort growing.

After seeing Yuuri skate he had been intrigued, had wanted to talk to the other boy. But there had never been a good time, never the right opportunity to catch him. Now that Yuuri had won gold in the juniors, Viktor was sure he would soon make the leap into the senior division and he was excited. Watching Yuuri was fascinating, competing against him would be more so. Now that they were here together he wanted to talk to the boy properly for the first time rather than just watching him through a screen but Yuuri was making no move to speak first and Viktor wasn’t quite sure what to say.

Briefly he ran one hand through his hair in a habitual nervous gesture as he tried to think of something else to say. The feel of it still surprised him, the shortness of the strands unfamiliar even months after they had been cut. Part of him still missed his long hair but another part of him knew that it had been time for a change. Each year it was getting harder and harder to surprise the audiences and the hair had been his trademark for so long that it has caused quite a stir when he had appeared in public at the start of the season with it cut short. Reinventing his image was a good way to keep people on their toes, to keep them from getting bored and to save himself from the same dilemma.

Turning back to the boy in front of him he smiled, trying to appear as friendly as possible.

“I saw your free skate today. It was a good performance and your choice of theme was very bold.” Viktor tried again. Skating was a good topic to start with. Skating was safe, something familiar that linked the two of them together. “You won without quads as well which was impressive since most skaters in your age bracket can already perform them in competition.”

It had been something that had caught Viktor’s eye when he had watched Yuuri winning gold that day. A routine that relied entirely on the artistry of the performance rather than pushing for technical marks in the way that was so common nowadays was very unusual and a risky move to take. But one that had clearly paid off.

Yakov had always tried to drill into him the importance of presentation above anything else but Viktor had never really listened to him. There had never been any complaints about his presentation before and jumps were new and exciting and he could still surprise the audience every time he mastered a new one. But, especially when he had been a junior, Yakov had scoffed at his desire to go straight for quads as soon as he was able.

In his final junior season he had spontaneously added a quad flip to his routine, a move that had set off Yakov’s ire as he had expressly banned Viktor from doing any quads until he was a senior. ‘A good skater should be able to win without using fancy jumps to distract the audience from what really matters.’ he had once said but, as usual, Viktor hadn’t bothered to heed the advice. It had been his final season as a junior and he had wanted to make an impression, a feat that he had certainly accomplished.

But it was interesting, to see Yuuri Katsuki pull of something that Viktor had never before attempted. Something that Yakov had pushed him to do but that he had refused to comply with. Absently, Viktor thought that Yakov probably would have liked to have Yuuri Katsuki as a student.

His final program had impressed Viktor and his choice to compete without quads even more so. But Viktor also remembered the way that Yuuri had fallen when trying to jump a quad toe loop just a few months previously. His presentation might be flawless but he was still being let down by the technical aspects of his routines and he couldn’t dodge that forever. Performing and winning without quads might be impressive in the junior division but as soon as Yuuri became a senior, his lack of jumping ability would be a serious weakness.

Viktor had spent a year being fascinated by Yuuri Katsuki, by the way the other boy skated. He wanted to see Yuuri do more, wanted to see what the other boy was like when his full potential was unlocked and there was nothing holding him back. They would be competing in the same division soon and it was something Viktor definitely wanted to witness. He was a senior skater, renowned for his advanced jumping ability and it was something he would be able to help with.

“I saw your performance at the last Grand Prix.” he told Yuuri, who was still staring at him in silence, face unreadable and eyes slightly narrowed behind the thick frames of his glasses.

“Your balance was off on the landing to your quad toe loop, it’s why you fell. You need to work on finding your centre during jumps if you’re going to compete in the senior division.”

A Yuuri Katsuki who could jump with the same skill as he completed his step sequences would surely be a force to be reckoned with and it would certainly bring excitement into the skating world that had been fading little by little for so long.

But instead of replying or acknowledging the words at all Yuuri instead glared at Viktor, an expression that took him by surprise, and pushed past the older boy, storming out of the room and slamming the door shut behind him. For a few seconds Viktor just blinked in shock at the shut door, confusion drowning out everything else.

Quickly he ran back over what he had said, trying to work out what could have elicited the reaction. Briefly he considered that maybe Yuuri had misunderstood him. English was neither of their first languages after all and mistakes were easy to make. But from the interviews he had watched, the Japanese skater seemed very proficient in the language even if his accent was unmistakable as that of a non-native speaker. And after years of having the frustrating language drilled into his head by an endless stream of coaches and teachers in order to compete internationally, Viktor knew that he was proficient too.

Ruling out a language barrier, Viktor went back over the conversation in his mind again, trying to work out what could possibly have caused such a strong reaction. Nothing stood out to him, none of his intentions or words had been aimed to anger, not even close.

He had just wanted to speak to Yuuri, to talk to him about the passion they both shared and try and help prepare him for the jarring leap that he was about to make between the levels of junior and senior skating.

Maybe it was something to do with Viktor’s status as a rising legend in the skating world? A lot of the younger skaters got nervous when talking to him, although none of them had reacted like Yuuri before. It was possible for him to get on with skaters his junior, he knew. One Swiss boy he had met after the European Championships that year stood out in particular.  Christophe Giacometti, who had made his senior debut in the World Championships that had just concluded. After their brief meeting during the Europeans he had stuck close to Viktor during the Worlds and they had found that they got on surprisingly well.

When he had planned to talk to Yuuri Katsuki he had always assumed it would be similarly easy. What he hadn’t bet on was Yuuri refusing to speak to him, past a brief few words before he recognised who Viktor was, and then storming out of the room seemingly unprovoked.

Yuuri Katsuki only grew more mysterious with every meeting. Viktor still wanted to talk to him, to get to know him, but the conversation had thrown him. Even after thinking it over he still couldn’t work out what he could possibly have done wrong, and yet Yuuri had seemed to react to something all the same. Each time they met the other boy seemed to become more and more of a mystery.

Viktor was nineteen and for some reason Yuuri Katsuki seemed to hate him. And he had no idea why.

Viktor was twenty and he was losing the ability to surprise the audience anymore.

They still turned out in droves to watch him skate, still cheered and gasped and clapped furiously at all his routines as he pushed himself further and further, each new program completely different from the last and unique in every way. But the challenge of the sport that had driven him so much in his earlier years was fading as he pulled further and further ahead of everyone he competed against and the audience were beginning to notice it too.

During the Olympics he had proudly represented his country out on the ice but before he had even taken one step out onto the rink the whispers were already circulating that it would be a guaranteed win. Viktor loved winning, loved the thrill of victory but only when it was well earned. The gold medal that he had won at the most prestigious competition of any skater’s careers he was more proud of than he could say but winning it had almost felt like going through the motions.

He was a performer and he needed to be able to keep surprising the audience if he wanted to keep inspired, to keep performing. Inspiration hadn’t left him yet but he could feel it begin to drop, little by little, year by year and he was terrified of the moment when it would fade away completely. Not now, not for many years yet but if everything remained the same eventually it would. He had already sold his soul to the ice and the thought of a life without it didn’t bare thinking about. Losing inspiration was the most sure-fire way to fall into a slump that many skaters never recovered from and Viktor knew that he couldn’t let that happen.

It seemed that the other skater’s didn’t seem to share Viktor’s problem however. Chris had rapidly risen up the ranks in senior skating and Viktor was beginning to get used to having him around. It was nice, to have someone to talk to at the competitions without the pressures of either being resented as he was by the older skaters or idolised as he was by the younger ones. Or at least, by most of the younger ones. Chris was a notable exception. Yuuri Katsuki was another.

Ever since their meeting in the bathroom a year previously Viktor had purposefully kept his distance, trying to puzzle the other skater out. Something he had said or done had driven the other boy away and he couldn’t approach him again until he had figured out what it was so as not to make the same mistake twice. It frustrated Viktor, that he still had no idea what could possibly have happened to cause Yuuri to storm off without a word.

Despite what had passed between them, Viktor still followed Yuuri’s career closely, made far easier by the fact that they were finally competing in the same division. Just like Chris, Yuuri had risen through the ranks as well. Fifth place in his first ever Grand Prix Final was nothing to look down on and a Bronze in the subsequent World Championships finally placed them on the podium together for the first time.

Standing on the podium with Yuuri and Chris sent a little thrill of excitement sparking through Viktor, something he hadn’t felt even while skating that day. No-one was surprised when he had won the gold, they never seemed to be anymore much to Viktor’s chagrin. But they were pleasantly surprised by the sudden rise through the ranks of the previous Junior World Champion, a Japanese skater who had made a distinguished senior debut and who was starting to make a real name for himself in the skating world. Not as a distinguished a senior debut as Viktor’s own had been but impressive all the same.

It was a feeling that Viktor missed. The drive, the desperation to prove himself, to always be better. While nothing had come without work, winning for him had become easy in a way that it was never supposed to be and he admired Yuuri all the more for just how hard he struggled for the medals that he won. The challenge, the desperation, clawing his way up the ranks competition by competition and routine by routine. Never boring because he still had so much left to do and so much left to prove and people watched him because they wanted to see it when it happened. Viktor wanted to see it when it happened.

Looking down at Yuuri as they stood together on the podium at the World Championships, he wondered what the other boy was thinking. Despite keeping his distance he had spent a lot of time watching Yuuri but he still couldn’t seem to figure the other skater out, couldn’t seem to work out what was going on behind the brown eyes that were always glaring at him so intensely.

After watching Yuuri closely, Viktor knew that he seemed to be the only one that that particular expression was ever turned on. Around the press Yuuri seemed a little shy, a little withdrawn but earnest and honest in all his answers. Around his fans he seemed to take the same approach. After winning his title as Junior World Champion an established fanbase had begun to grow and Viktor had watched Yuuri interact with a few of them the day before, stuttering a little over his words and blushing slightly at some of the praise they tossed his way but taking the time to speak to each and every one of them all the same. It was endearing and Viktor respected him all the more for it.

And outside of the press and the fans, Viktor had caught a glimpse of the Yuuri that must exist in the privacy of his life away from the cameras. At the competition that had just concluded Yuuri’s coach had been present just as he always was and along with him was another dark-skinned boy, a few years younger than Yuuri and one who seemed to be stuck permanently to his side. Viktor had seen the other boy at competitions before, not as a competitor although he vaguely remembered overhearing somewhere that he was a skater too, only still in the junior division.

The Yuuri that existed around the other boy was very different to the Yuuri that Viktor had seen anywhere else. Tension that he hadn’t even realised the other skater was holding until it was gone always drained out of Yuuri’s frame whenever his friend was near and it was because of said boy that Viktor had heard Yuuri laugh for the first time, a joyful sound that seemed to brighten up the entire room. Those stolen glimpses that Viktor had caught were more than enough to show him that there was a very different Yuuri Katsuki hidden under the glares that always seemed to be levelled his way and it only served to fascinate him more.

Yuuri Katsuki was a talented skater with the potential to do great things and the fierce drive to turn it into a reality. He struggled to win but his victories were all the sweeter for it. He was shy in public but still endearingly polite and earnest. Around a boy that Viktor knew must be his friend, he was quietly, privately happy and his laugh would bring warmth to even the coldest of winters.

And yet when Viktor looked down on him from his position on the podium, Yuuri was glaring at him with narrowed eyes, the expression on his face unmistakable. An expression that seemed to be reserved solely for Viktor and an expression that was completely undeserved. There was nothing Viktor had ever done to earn the treatment, to be singled out in such a way by the skater that he became more and more fascinated with as each season passed.

There must be some reason, some cause, some logic behind it but the truth of it remained as elusive as ever. Locked away inside Yuuri’s head and not for the first time Viktor wished that he was able to know the other skater’s thoughts.

Viktor was twenty and Yuuri Katsuki was a frustrating, fascinating, intriguing mystery. A mystery that Viktor was determined one day to solve.

Viktor was twenty-one and he was finally inspired again.

As the years had worn on, he had begun to gradually feel inspiration start to trickle away, little by little and drop by drop with every uncontested victory. When he was younger he had been a whirlwind of moves and music and ideas, each one more outlandish and original than the last and it had won him more gold medals and more world records than any other skater who stood by his side. But gradually that had begun to wear away, like incessant waves beating against a sandstone shore, and there had been nothing he could do to stop it.

He was still winning medals, still creating routines to wow the world but each year he had known he was growing closer and closer to the day that there would be no more surprises left in him anymore. And once he lost that he would lose everything.

But then something had changed. Because Yuuri Katsuki had come into his life, not all at once but creeping in slowly with every successive medal that he won, drawing closer and closer until he was finally standing by Viktor’s side with a silver medal for the first time and a pride Viktor hadn’t felt about his own skating for years written clearly across his face.

Yuuri Katsuki skated with everything that Viktor had once loved and had slowly begun to lose. Passion, determination, a fierce desire to win that drowned out almost everything else. From what he had seen of Yuuri’s training from his friend’s social media - Phichit Chulanont, Viktor had discovered, a junior skater training with Yuuri in Detroit – Yuuri worked himself obsessively, brutally hard as he mastered moves and jumps and perfected programs that were filled with a life and soul that inspired awe in everyone who saw them.

In public he seemed reserved, quiet and mysterious, but out on the ice he bared his soul for the world to see and it was beautiful to watch. He skated from the heart and he seemed to feel so deeply and with an intensity that drew Viktor in, made him want to know more. He felt connected to the other skater, wanted to know him, to see the beauty of his soul off the ice as well as on it.

Watching the other boy’s skating had sparked within him a reminder of what he had once so loved about life on the ice and it had begun to show again in his own routines. No longer simply going through the motions but really, truly feeling the music and the movements and skating with a love and a passion that had almost been lost to him.

 People had begun to pick up on the gradual change but they attributed it to the wrong reason. A rivalry they had begun to say, a younger skater come to try and unseat the legend and the reigning champion stepping up his game to even greater heights to ward him off. It was a narrative borne from the wild speculation of the media and fans that always seemed to believe they knew Viktor in a way that no-one did or ever had before.

There was no rivalry on Viktor’s part, not in the way they claimed at least. He loved winning and loved it all the more now but that was because it felt like he was finally deserving of it again. Finally being pushed to be better to keep his titles. He didn’t resent Yuuri Katsuki for that at all, instead he loved him for it.

One the other skater’s side though, Viktor thought the media might have struck a lot closer to home. The constant glares directed at him by Yuuri were hard for anyone to miss and even if Viktor still couldn’t be sure why he seemed to be so disliked by the younger skater, the truth of the matter was clear all the same.

Yuuri Katsuki had made his main goal abundantly clear, in every interview and conversation that requested it of him. “What are your goals for next competition, for next season” reporters would ask him and every time he would give the same reply. “I aim to win gold.”

‘And I aim to beat Viktor Nikiforov to do it.’ His eyes would always say with their glares and looks of disdain. There was no doubt in the minds of anyone who saw him that his eyes were firmly fixed on the spot that Viktor had held for so long and he was willing to do whatever it took to claim it.

Once, a reporter had kept pushing and pushing, hoping for a story despite knowing how tightly guarded Yuuri always seemed to be whenever the topic of Viktor was brought up. Clearly he had wanted to insider information, shocking news to fuel the rumours of a rivalry rather that Yuuri’s standard answer.

“You plan to win gold?” The reporter had asked even as the conversation began to draw to a close. “You plan to unseat Viktor Nikiforov from his spot as reigning champion of the skating world?”

“Yes.” Yuuri had replied and there was a fire in his eyes and in his voice that was always present when the topic of victory arose.

“If you do it…” the reporter had continued but Yuuri cut him off before the sentence was even fully complete.

“Not if.” he had said. “When.”

Viktor was no stranger to being the one to beat, the final obstacle that prevented so many people from achieving what they had dreamed of and worked for their whole lives. Even Chris, now a close friend, often spoke about his desire to beat Viktor and finally win the gold. But when Chris said it, the words were good-natured, friendly. He wanted to win, to someday finally beat Viktor to the top of the podium but there was nothing malicious or resentful in his tone when he said it and they had discussed the topic on good terms many times.

With Yuuri Katsuki however, the words never seemed friendly. Not at all.

Viktor couldn’t understand it. It must be jealously that drove the anger from the other skater that was always directed his way. But from Chris he knew that it was possible to be friends with his competitors, to be close despite the rivalry that existed between them and he didn’t understand why he couldn’t have that with Yuuri as well. Why Yuuri seemed to hate him so much and for so long when all Viktor wanted to do was talk to him. To talk and be friendly and maybe one day be friends because Yuuri was fascinating and Viktor wanted to know everything about him. To unlock the secrets of the soul he bared only on the ice and kept so tightly locked away everywhere else.

But for the moment Viktor kept his distance and dodged the questions the reporters loved to throw at him because the last time he had tried to talk to Yuuri Katsuki something had gone wrong. Something had gone wrong without him even knowing what it was or how to fix it and he didn’t want to risk that happening again until he knew more. Yakov had once told him he spent more time with his foot in his mouth than in his skate and while Viktor usually ignored his advice, with the situation at hand he had finally decided to forego his immediate instinct to be rash and impulsive and hang back for once before making any kind of move.

Viktor was twenty-one and he wanted to know Yuuri Katsuki, however long it took and whatever the cost.

Viktor was twenty-two and he was jealous.

It had been almost a year since Yuuri had won his first silver against Viktor at the last World Championships and he had followed that with another silver at the next Grand Prix Final, the gap between them gradually inching shut. It was thrilling and Viktor had thrown himself back into skating, practicing late into the night and constantly scribbling new ideas for routines and music and jumps to prepare for the next competition when he would face off with Yuuri again.

Yakov had been pleased with the increase in Viktor’s drive and inspiration but he was not as happy about the reason why.

“He’s dangerous.” he had told Viktor one night after the rink was closed and Viktor was skating after hours once again. “You should never underestimate someone who does perfect compulsory figures at the start of every warm up like he does. In my day he would have been the undisputed champion and you would have been left in the dust. You’re used to being on top of the world Viktor but if you’re not careful he’s going to take that from you.”

Viktor hardly cared about the threat to his titles that Yuuri posed. It was that threat that made his heart race and each competition so exciting and he thought that he might not mind losing to Yuuri Katsuki once in a while. Surprising the audience had always been his main goal and suddenly their interest was at an all-time high because during each competition the same question was on everyone’s mind. Could Viktor Nikiforov hold onto his titles this year or was it finally Yuuri Katsuki’s chance to take home the gold. Every new competition and every new win was a surprise in the way it had failed to be for so long.

Viktor knew that Yakov was just concerned for him but he didn’t need to be. Yes, it was true that Yuuri was a threat to everything that Viktor had spent his life building but what was life without a little challenge? It was also true that the presence of Yuuri Katsuki in the skating world had begun to cause a divide that didn’t always work in Viktor’s favour but it wasn’t something he was particularly concerned about.

For a very long time he had been the favourite of the skating world and while that was still mostly true there were now a significant subset of fans who had begun to hate him in mimicry of the skater they idolised. Yakov resented that on his behalf and Viktor could admit that it wasn’t always pleasant at competitions, when there was now a desire to see him fail from a portion of the crowd that had never been present before. But he still had plenty of fans of his own and the words he heard didn’t bother him too much. Yakov had told him many times that he was far too blasé about the whole thing but Viktor could deal with dislike from a small group of fans if the payoff was Yuuri Katsuki skating against him.

The one thing he did care about however, was how far away from him the other skater still seemed to be and how little progress had been made in the years that Viktor had known him.

During the run up to the competition he had seen very little of the other skater which was normal. Yuuri Katsuki was notoriously elusive to reporters, fans and other skaters alike. With the notable exception of Phichit Chulanont, his friend and Viktor main source of information about Yuuri from his social media accounts.

It was also the Thai skater that was the source of Viktor’s jealously that day, watching the two of them laugh together as Yuuri stretched to prepare for his short program. He was jealous of their friendship.

Viktor had spent years watching Yuuri, wanting to get to know him but being unable to because of the anger and resentment that always seemed to radiate from the other skater whenever he was near. Yuuri was even more elusive with him that he was with any other skater and he always seemed to disappear whenever Viktor drew near. And when he was close by necessity, mainly when they were standing together on the podium, he practically radiated hostility.

But around his friend it was like he was a completely different person. Cheerful and happy and open, laughing and joking in a way that Viktor only ever saw when they were together. Yuuri’s laugh was beautiful and his smile lit up his whole face and Viktor wanted to be the one who made him look like that one day. But that seemed almost like an impossible dream with how Yuuri still seemed to act around him.

As the time had gone by, Viktor had grown even more confused as to the source of the other skater’s hostility. At first he had believed that maybe it was jealously and resentment over losing that caused the cascade of negative emotions from Yuuri whenever he was near but as the years wore on that seemed more and more unlikely.

Yuuri was polite and pleasant with every skater but Viktor, even the ones that occasionally beat him in qualifying competitions or once or twice at the Four Continents where Viktor never skated. Like all skaters, he didn’t seem to enjoy losing but it was never met with the same bitterness as it was when Viktor was the one above him on the podium. Yuuri Katsuki wasn’t by nature a spiteful or malicious person, Viktor could see that from the way he treated everyone but him. The nature of his dislike seemed personal, directed at Viktor and Viktor alone.

During many sleepless nights, Viktor had thought back on their one brief interaction and tried to work out what could possibly have happened to create such strong dislike in such a short space of time. But he could never figure it out. There must be more, something he was missing but the truth of it eluded him. And he was sure the Yuuri would never tell him even if he asked, considering the cold shoulder he always got from the other skater whenever they were together.

Yuuri skated beautifully, he challenged Viktor and pushed him to become better and he was warm and earnest and kind to everyone bar one. Viktor was still as fascinated by him as ever and his desire to get to know Yuuri had only grown. He wanted to make Yuuri smile and laugh and talk to him the way he talked to his friend. He wanted to know Yuuri because Yuuri had brought something back into his life that made everything seem suddenly brighter and Viktor wanted to thank him for it.

Viktor had spent a long time watching Yuuri closely both on and off the ice and he could happily conclude that Yuuri had a beautiful soul. Something that shone through in his skating and the way he laughed and the way he was so attentive to all his fans and everyone he talked to who wasn’t Viktor.

Across the room, Viktor continued to watch Yuuri and his friend talking and laughing together. Phichit made a comment that was drowned out in the noise of the room they were in and Yuuri laughed so hard Viktor thought there might be actual tears forming in his eyes, his nose scrunching up adorably as he did so and his voice bright and joyful. As he laughed he shifted slightly and suddenly all the joy dropped from his face as his eyes locked with Viktor’s.

Viktor could feel his heart drop a little at the sight because he had been doing nothing but watching and yet still even his mere presence seemed to suck the happiness out of Yuuri. It was one of the reasons why Viktor had always stayed away because he hated the fact that he seemed to be the cause even if he still didn’t know why. Focusing on the other skater, he searched his face for any sign or clue as to the reason for the sudden shift in emotion but he found nothing.

Before he had a chance to do much more, Yakov called out to him across the room and Viktor was forced to look away. In the competition he was skating first and it was time for him to go to the rink to perform.

As he made his way up to the arena where thousands of fans were already chanting him name he hoped that Yuuri would be watching. There were television screens placed all around the skater’s area that they had both been in minutes before, showing the rink where each skater would compete and Viktor hoped that Yuuri would watch him as closely as he always watched the other skater. The routine he was skating was inspired by Yuuri after all.

All the routines he performed Viktor choreographed himself, choosing the music and designing the routine to evoke emotion and tell a story to everyone who watched him. 

His short program for that season was special to him because it had been designed with Yuuri in mind, someone who refused to let Viktor know him but who Viktor wanted to know all the same. The rivalry image the media had pounced on was even more prevalent than ever but Viktor knew his feelings for Yuuri were a very long way from the hatred and resentment that everyone seemed to believe they were. Every year they grew stronger and his desire to know Yuuri as more than just a competitor increased.

The song he was skating to was a duet with lyrics that had captured his attention the moment he heard them and he skated with all his heart, pouring out everything he felt into the routine. He couldn’t speak to Yuuri properly, not when every time he was even close Yuuri shut himself off and turned hard and cold like the ice he skated on, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t speak at all. Skating was a language within itself and one they had both spent their whole lives learning. He wasn’t sure that Yuuri was watching but he hoped that he was.

Words might fail him around Yuuri and it might seem like he would never get the chance to know Yuuri in any way other than as a competitor but Viktor still had hope and they still had time. And he had never been one to give up easily.

After he finished the routine he left the ice to receive his score before making his way up into the stands to watch the rest of the skaters perform. There was one skater in particular that he was eager to see.

When Yuuri entered the rink for his own performance he looked focused, completely blocking out everything as he prepared to skate. The music he had chosen began, filling the stadium and the melody was mournful, almost unbearably sad and it made Viktor’s heart ache. All the more so because Yuuri skated with the same heart-wrenching sadness, the emotions in him running deep and spilling out into every move he performed.

Yuuri had a gift when he skated, an ability to touch the hearts of everyone who watched him, to make them feel what he was feeling as he performed. It was what had first caught Viktor’s eye and had only grown more and more powerful as he grew and learned and improve until he was truly a sight to behold. Stunning out on the ice with not a single person able to look away from him.

Yuuri’s skating wasn’t the only thing that had grown over the years either. The skater out on the ice was a very long way away from the innocent looking boy that Viktor had first seen crying alone and looking so very scared. Now his figure was full of poise and confidence and his face had matured considerably in the years that had passed.  

Cheekbones had sharpened and the last of the childish roundness had dropped from his features, leaving him with a face that had begun to turn many heads. His figure had changed too, growing taller and filling out as the years passed until he was lean and graceful, slim but with a power concealed in his body that had wowed the skating world many times over with a stamina that was unparalleled out on the ice.

The stamina was something that he pushed to its limit as he skated, jump after jump being added into the second half of his routine until Viktor could see the beads of perspiration trickling down his brow. But still he skated on. There was a fierce determination in everything that he did and it was one of the things that made him so intrinsically beautiful.

Yuuri finally brought the routine to a close and the audience went wild around him. Viktor clapped for him too because Yuuri’s skating never failed to surprise or awe him. When Yuuri stepped off the rink he was greeted by his friend who tackled him into a hug that almost knocked Yuuri off his feet with its enthusiasm. Viktor watched the two of them together and felt again the tiny stirrings of jealously at how easily Yuuri smiled at his friend when he had never looked at Viktor with anything but distain.

After being congratulated by his friend, Yuuri walked to the kiss and cry to receive his score and when it was announced there was a great rush of sound from the audience as they took in the new information. The way that Yuuri’s name had appeared at the top of the scoreboard, above even Viktor’s own.

“It seems like you might finally have met your match.” Chris joked to him later that night.

They had gone out drinking after the short programs ended, not one of their wild nights out that they were becoming renown for but a more sedate form of relaxation. They both still had to skate the next day and fun as drinking and spending time with Chris was, Viktor wasn’t irresponsible enough to get drunk the night before the short programs and neither was his friend. Chris had convinced him to come out to casually unwind from the events of the day and Viktor hadn’t really needed that much convincing.

He hummed in agreement at the words, a small smile on his face as he took a sip from the glass in front of him. It had been years since anyone had been able to get close and it was thrilling to know that he would have to work harder than ever the next day, surprise the audience in new and even more exciting ways in order to win. 

“I had always hoped it would be me to knock you down from that pedestal you’ve been standing on for so long.” Chris joked, knocking his shoulder against Viktor’s playfully. “But it seems like Katsuki might beat me to it. I’ll get you both one day though, you mark my words.”

The conversation was teasing and Viktor laughed with him. There might be rivalry between the two of them but they were friends first. He knew how it frustrated Chris that he was always in second place but it was something they had talked about before and he knew that the feeling didn’t drive any resentment of Viktor personally.

“He was amazing today.” Viktor agreed and Chris gave him considering look at the words.

“He was.” Chris confirmed but his voice was a little hesitant. “But you seem awfully pleased about it for something that he very publicly hates.” 

Viktor just shrugged, taking another sip from his glass and feeling the burn as the alcohol slid down his throat. Yuuri might not like him at the moment but one day he would figure out why and finally would be able to break the resentment that was keeping him so far away.

“There’s just something about him.” he told Chris instead of voicing his innermost thoughts. “I feel connected to him somehow.” Drawn to him was what he didn’t say. Fascinated by him.

“Well, that definitely seems to be a one-sided attraction.” Chris joked again but there was a hint of seriousness to his eyes. “I’ve spoken to him before and he seems like a genuinely nice person but there’s something about you that he really seems to hate.”

Viktor sighed because he knew that it was true, much as he disliked it and little as he understood it.

“I know.” he replied and Chris just raised an eyebrow, taking a drink out of his own glass.

Viktor knew that Chris didn’t understand his fascination with Yuuri Katsuki but at least he didn’t push it any further and didn’t comment on it during the free skate the next day. Viktor was skating before Yuuri which meant he would have time to collect his scores and then watch the other skater after his program was complete.

His free skate was different to anything he had tried before, something new to surprise the audiences because he had the passion and the drive to do it again and again and it was a thrilling feeling. Once it was over he retreated back into the stands with Chris to watch Yuuri perform.

The song Yuuri was skating to was a waltz, dark and dangerous and it sent a spark of something running through Viktor because he recognised the style instantly.

The routine wasn’t a copy, far from it. It was personal and unique and wonderful to watch but the core of it, the very heart was something unmistakably similar to something he himself had done years previously.

The very first time he had noticed Yuuri, soon after he had seen the boy crying alone, he had skated a routine to a waltz very similar to the one that Yuuri himself was performing. A dance with an invisible partner, a beautiful challenge. Every move half complete, matched only by a figure on the ice that existed as nothing but a phantom of the imagination.

And now Yuuri was doing the same, the routine perfectly unique and perfectly his own but the similarities couldn’t be denied. Viktor knew that Yuuri had seen his routine that day, he had spotted the other boy watching from the shadows at the side of the rink just before he had disappeared. It might be an unintentional match, a subconscious inspiration taken from one of Viktor’s own routines or it might be a strategic move but either way, the point remained the same.

Yuuri watched Viktor’s routines, just like Viktor watched Yuuri’s. Watched and enjoyed at least one of them enough that elements of it bled over into his own skating and it made Viktor heart leap in his chest. Because if Yuuri was skating something that had taken even a shred of inspiration from Viktor’s own work then maybe Yuuri didn’t completely loathe him as much as everyone seemed to think.

The thoughts were still consuming Viktor once Yuuri had finished his routine and left the ice to collect his scores and he almost missed the announcement over the loudspeaker. It was only when the noise of the crowd around him rose into a deafening roar that he shook himself out of his thoughts to see that Yuuri’s name was below his on the scoreboard again. Their scores glared out brightly from the screen and he could see how breathtakingly close they were, Yuuri’s lower by just a single point.

It was the closest that anyone had come to beating Viktor in such a long time that he was almost disappointed that Yuuri hadn’t finally succeeded. Viktor loved winning but Yuuri’s routines had been stunning and he would have been proud to be bested by something so special. He didn’t necessarily want to lose but if it happened, he would lose to Yuuri Katsuki with a smile.

Out in the kiss and cry Yuuri was looking devastated by the results and Viktor wanted to go over and comfort him, to offer his congratulations on two routines beautifully performed but he knew that he couldn’t. The last time he had tried to compliment Yuuri it had backfired and with the other skater looking so heartbreakingly unhappy he didn’t want to make things even worse.

Later that night and long into the next day Viktor thought back on the events of the competition, pondering it over and over again in his mind. Yuuri had reacted badly to the mere sight of him but just like before he had been kind and friendly to everyone else, the person Viktor was sure he truly was inside shining through. He had been stunning out on the ice as he skated, filled with emotion and allowing Viktor the tiniest of glimpses into his soul that he always craved. And more than that, one of the routines that he had skated to with such a passion had been so similar in its core to something he knew Yuuri had seen him perform when they had first spotted each other years ago.

Viktor was twenty-two and Yuuri Katsuki was a beautiful enigma. And Viktor never wanted to look away.

Viktor was twenty-two and he was in pain.

It had been a mistake, a stupid, stupid mistake and it had cost him dearly. Many people had warned him in the past about the dangers of the sport that he had given his life to. ‘All good skaters get injured at some point’ they had told him. ‘You just have to pray it won’t end your career when you do.’

But he hadn’t listened because he never did and nothing and no-one could ever stop him pushing himself to his limits and far beyond it out on the ice. The low grade pain was already starting to creep up into his joints from the strain that he placed his body under time and time again and every day after practice he found his feet bruised or bleeding from the grueling training he forced himself through. But it was always worth it in the end and he had never believed that he might one day be injured for real.

He was Viktor Nikiforov, he was top of the skating world and finally loving it again and he still had so much left to do. Part of him had always felt invincible and it only made it hurt even more when everything came crashing down around him.

The competition where it happened had been one of the qualifiers. Skate Canada, a competition that Viktor had competed in many times before. Nothing had been special about that morning, nothing out of the ordinary. The first sign that he had received that something was going to change was during the warm up just before the start of the short programs.

Viktor had been gliding across the ice, running through his routines and lost in thought when he had spotted him, far up in the stands but unmistakable to Viktor’s eyes. Yuuri Katsuki, dressed not in the skating clothes Viktor was so used to seeing him in but casually, sitting next to the man Viktor recognised as his coach and watching the skaters out on the rink. The sight threw Viktor so much that he almost stumbled but he recovered the mistake before it was even fully formed.

Quickly he glanced around, trying to work out what the hell Yuuri Katsuki was doing at Skate Canada. A few days previously Viktor had watched him win gold at Skate America but he hadn’t expected to see the other man in person until the Grand Prix Final. After a couple of seconds of frantic confusion another skater sped past Viktor, a bright smile on his face as he waved up into the stands and Viktor suddenly understood.

Phichit Chulanont was skating in the same competition as he was, a fact that he had overlooked until then. Of course Yuuri had come to support his friend. The two were known to be close and Viktor had seen Phichit attend a lot of Yuuri’s competitions before. It made sense that it also happened the other way around.

During the rest of the time before the short programs, Viktor couldn’t help but find his eyes drawn up to the spot where Yuuri was sitting high in the stands above him. When Phichit performed, Viktor watched the performance through the joy and pride on Yuuri’s face and when the Thai boy had finally finished Viktor watched as Yuuri pulled him into a crushing hug, praising his routine with happiness radiating from every pore.

Yuuri felt emotions so strongly, and showed them so vividly when he allowed himself to, that it was impossible not to feel the same and Viktor found himself smiling at the sight even as the now familiar twinges of jealously made themselves known. Because Yuuri had never looked at him that way before despite how much he wanted it.

When it was Viktor’s own turn to skate he couldn’t get the image and the accompanying feelings out of his mind. It had been a long time since he had first seen Yuuri Katsuki, had first watched him skate and felt something stir within himself that had only grown over the years until it had become almost all consuming. It had been almost as long since he had first tried to talk to the other boy, to make a connection because he somehow felt like he and Yuuri might be kindred spirits and he wanted to know him better.

But that conversation had ended badly and Viktor had never been able to find or make a good opportunity to try again. Patience wasn’t something he was well known for, it had been difficult to stay away, and he was finally starting to run out. Surely it was time to try and talk to Yuuri again? The other skater might still be as hostile as ever, something Viktor had hoped would fade over the years but that never had, but Viktor was sure he could get past that if only he knew the cause and could finally solve the mystery that was Yuuri Katsuki.

The thoughts of Yuuri consumed him even as he tried to focus fully on his routine. Yuuri had been like a light in the darkness, a breath of fresh air that brought life back to Viktor’s world that he hadn’t even realised how much he had been missing until he had it again.

In the beginning, he had been fascinated by Yuuri. By he way he skated and the person within and the fractions of his true self that Viktor saw out on the ice when he was at his most open and vulnerable. Over the years, the fascination had only grow, as had the complexity of the mystery that surrounded Yuuri and everything he did and felt.

But more than just fascination had grown over the years inside Viktor as he looked at Yuuri Katsuki. Yuuri had a kind heart and a beautiful smile and while he kept himself reserved in public, when he allowed his emotions to flow freely out on the ice it was clear that he felt everything deeply in a way that Viktor recognised because it was the way he himself had always felt throughout his entire life. Yuuri was hard-working with a devotion that few ever achieved and he was completely dedicated to the ice just like Viktor was. He was passionate and intriguing and Viktor wanted to know everything about him, everything that he kept hidden from the rest of the world.

He wanted to make Yuuri smile and laugh the way that he knew was possible even if he had never done it himself. He wanted to spend hours talking to Yuuri about every topic under the sun. He wanted to know him and be known in return.

It was then, distracted by thoughts of Yuuri and stupidly not paying attention to what he should have been focusing on, that it happened.

Viktor had jumped, something he had done countless times before and it should have been fine except this time it suddenly wasn’t. The jump was hard, a quadruple lutz that had taken him hundreds of hours of pain and practice to learn but he had mastered it long enough ago that he had assumed he would never make a mistake again.

But make a mistake he had. Too distracted to pay proper attention, too confident in his own abilities and as soon as his skate touched back on the ice he knew it was lost. His balance was completely off and the landing was bad. Pain shot through his leg as it connected back with the hard surface, the momentum of the jump pushing him forward as he hit the ice to slam painfully into the barrier that separated the rink from the stands.

Distantly he heard the sound of the music cut off but he could barely bring himself to acknowledge it because there was agony like fire running through his leg that even the cool surface of the ice that he was lying pressed against couldn’t dull.

Feeling the humiliation at failing so publicly over something so stupid he pushed himself up to his knees and tried to stand, determined to keep going but a sharp spike of pain jolting through his already aching body stopped him. So intense that he was unable to bite back the cry that clawed its way out of his throat in response.

The noise echoed across the whole room and Viktor flipped himself around so that his face was staring at the ceiling rather than the ice that had betrayed him, closing his eyes and willing the sharp sting in them away as tears of pain fought to break free.

Suddenly he felt the warm pressure of a hand on his shoulder and he opened his eyes again to see a medic crouching over him on the ice, trying to force him onto a stretcher. Jerkily, Viktor shook him off, unable to care if the gesture was rude because he was in too much pain and he couldn’t let himself show it. There were too many eyes trained on him and the pressures and expectations that went hand in hand with his reputation as a living legend didn’t allow for weakness.

Instead he took the offered arm of the second medic who had rushed over to help, leaning as much of his weight on them as he dared and grimacing again as he put pressure on his injured leg, biting back another pained cry.

As quickly as he dared, he struggled his way back to the side of the rink where Yakov was waiting for him, looking as concerned as Viktor had ever seen him. In the back of his mind, Viktor registered that the audience were cheering again, showing their support even as he had failed and he turned around to wave to them in acknowledgement before allowing Yakov and the medics to guide him away.

He couldn’t bring himself to look up at the stands to where he knew Yuuri Katsuki was sitting and watching but the thought of the other skater wouldn’t leave his mind even as he was whisked to hospital to have his leg treated and much later when he was finally back in Russia again. Makkachin warm by his side and giving his hands comforting licks as he tried to make Viktor feel better the only way he knew how.

Once he was back in Russia, Viktor had hoped that everything might be better but it actually made things so much worse. The damage the bad jump had done to his leg was serious enough that Yakov had banned him from even attempting to skate for the remainder of the season. When Viktor had asked when he would finally be able to get back on the ice again the doctors had frowned and muttered about chance and therapy and the balance of probability and Viktor knew exactly what they were trying to hide with their rambling words.

The injury was bad. Not catastrophic but bad enough to put him out for the minimum of a season and maybe longer. Bad enough that if he was very unlucky his leg might never be the same again. And if that happened he knew that his life would be over.

A long time ago he had sold his soul to the ice and he had never regretted it before but as soon as the ice was taken from him he realised how little he had left without it. There was his apartment and his beloved Makkachin and his rink-mates and few friend like Chris from the skating world. But for as long as he could remember everything in his life had been based around the sport he loved and without it the whole world seemed a much emptier and scarier place.

As the days wore on he tried to fill his time with things to distract him from the pain in his leg and the pain in his heart but nothing seemed to work. Sometimes he took Makkachin out for walks but even that was painful and only lasted for brief periods of time before he was forced to stop. A lot of the time he spent at the rink, not allowed on the ice but needing to be near it all the same. Eventually Yakov got sick of his moping and banned him from even doing that, telling him to go and live his life and get better without feeling so damn sorry for himself.

Viktor knew Yakov was just worried about him and he could see why. He knew it was pathetic, that he was twenty-two and had no idea what to do with himself outside of skating but it was the truth all the same. The idea that he might never be able to return dragged him down and weighed on him every minute of every day.

When Yakov and Georgi travelled to Moscow for the Rostelecom Cup, Viktor went with them. Yakov took pity on him and decided not to question his decision and Viktor was grateful for it. Watching the Roselecom Cup would at least give him an excuse to feel connected to the world of skating again even if he couldn’t compete. And there was also a part of him, that was bigger than he could ever admit out loud, that wanted to be there for the competition because Yuuri Katsuki was skating. Yuuri had inspired him once before when he was starting to feel like he was losing his purpose in his life and there was a childish part of Viktor that hoped the other man would be able to do it again, even if he had no idea what an impact he had made on Viktor’s life.

At the competition he stayed hidden, not wanting to be seen by either the fans or reporters that were always hounding his every move but he watched all the same. The competition was fairly intense, although nowhere near the level that he knew the Grand Prix Final would be. Above all however, the thing that stood out to him more than anything else was Yuuri Katuski’s performance.

He was good, he always was, but the emotion and passion that usually filled his skating was strangely absent. Viktor had watched him enough times to know his normal style well and there was something mechanical in the way that Yuuri moved, like he was simply going through the motions rather than pouring his heart and soul into his skating in the way that Viktor had grown so used to.

It was jarring to watch and Viktor wondered what it was that had thrown his performance off so much.

After the competition was over and the medals had been awarded Viktor left, slipping out unnoticed and returning back to his hotel. For a few hours he tried to distract himself but every effort was futile and eventually he gave up. Instead he ventured out in to the Moscow night, knowing what he needed even if he understood rationally how bizarre it really was.

Being around the ice calmed him down, helped him think because it was all he had ever known and it was comforting in a way that nothing else was. Even if he couldn’t skate his feelings away like he was so used to doing, just being a rink would be better than nothing.

There were a few local places around the hotel he was staying in but one he knew in particular. It was a rink Yakov had used when his skaters were competing at Rostelecom before and Viktor remembered it well enough to find his way there and sweet talk the woman at the desk into letting him in after hours.

“There’s someone already in there.” she had told him and Viktor blinked a little in surprise because it was unusual to find a commercial rink like the one he was in being used after hours.

“A foreign man. Nice but didn’t speak a word of Russian.” she added and Viktor wondered absently if it was one of the skaters from the Cup. They were probably the only foreigners who would chose to skate after hours in a quiet rink in Moscow so close to the stadium but it was still very unusual. After a long day of competing, most just wanted to eat or sleep and it was only very few like Viktor who had skating so deeply woven into their blood that it was better than any other kind of relaxation to soothe the mind.

Hoping the other skater wouldn’t mind sharing the rink space for a while, especially since Viktor wasn’t even able to skate, he made his way over to the double doors leading onto the rink, pushing them open quietly so as not to startle whoever was already inside.

As Viktor entered the room the first thing he registered was how dark it was. The main lights overhead had been turned off for the night and it was only the handful of dimly glowing lamps scattered around the walls of the rink that gave any light to the room at all, bathing it in a yellowish glow like an old photograph. The next thing he noticed was the almost complete silence, the hush only broken by the rhythmic scraping of skates against ice. Finally, he noticed the skater out on the rink.

In the long shadows cast by the room the man’s face was hidden but Viktor would have recognised his skating style anywhere. Yuuri Katsuki was alone on the rink, gliding with a grace and skill that set him apart from so many others and emotions filling every movement in a way that had been so conspicuously absent during the competition that day. As he skated, his face passed into a beam of light and Viktor saw that he had his eyes closed, too caught up in his routine to pay attention to anything that was going on around him.

Still with his eyes closed, Yuuri launched himself into another spin and it almost took Viktor’s breath away because he was so beautiful when he skated and watching him was beyond compare. When he had first seen Yuuri skate, Viktor had known that he perfectly embodied just what had made Viktor fall in love with skating and the ice in the first place and Yuuri had reawakened that love without even knowing it. And now he was skating again and Viktor could barely breathe because Yuuri Katsuki never failed to surprise and inspire him and this time was no exception.

It was only after a few moments that something else tugged at the corners of Viktor mind, something familiar that demanded to be noticed. As he skated, Yuuri made music with his body, a melody that was silent but heard all the same and a melody that seemed strangely familiar to Viktor. For a few more seconds he watched, entranced, and then Yuuri launched himself into a jump, a downgraded triple flip and Viktor suddenly realised just what was so familiar about what he was seeing.

It was his routine that Yuuri was skating. A routine from so long ago, when he was just a child and feeling on top of the world and like nothing could ever bring him down. A routine about love that he had performed and performed well because love was a beautiful idea and one that he one day hoped he might know for real.

But Yuuri wasn’t acting it the way that he had been back then. There was love woven into every part of the way he skated, every move, every turn. Love and care and dedication that was real and true and so much more than Viktor ever could have imagined or expected.

The routine was perfect, a copy that was even more impressive than the original and Viktor couldn’t look away. Yuuri had taken the routine and replicated it with a precision that could only have come with countless hours of practice and observation and then he had filled it with a love that was pure and true and more precious than any trophy or medal.

Viktor had no idea why Yuuri Katsuki was skating one of his old routines but he wanted to know more than anything. The other skater had only ever been hostile towards him but to have learned and replicated his final Junior Grand Prix free skate with such perfection there must be something hidden under the façade of hatred that Viktor had never seen before. The kind of love that was embodied in every move that Yuuri skated couldn’t be born from purely the negative emotions that he displayed so clearly whenever Viktor was near. There was something more. Viktor didn’t know quite what but he was determined to find out.

Yuuri clearly didn’t love him, his clear dislike making that much obvious at least. But he must feel something for Viktor, something that he had kept secret for who knew how many years. Something that had lead him to learn and perform one of the best and most emotive routines Viktor had ever skated, only when he was alone and no-one was there to see it. Something that had lead him to incorporate another of Viktor routines into one of his best competitive performances, knowingly or not.

Something that had lead him to be inspired by Viktor’s skating, just like Viktor had been inspired by Yuuri’s. Because Viktor might not have ever consciously noticed it before, it was very well concealed after all, but once he knew where to look he could see elements of himself in so many of the moves that Yuuri performed. It was in the tiny details, the way he prepared for jumps and the way he performed some of his spins. Viktor had seen it before in fans who copied his style but it was different with Yuuri because he had taken the elements and made them his own, blending seamlessly into the parts of himself that made his skating so special and unique.

Yuuri Katsuki was more of a mystery than ever but Viktor knew one thing for sure. There was something in him, some part that had always been hidden from the world and was only shown in moments like this when he thought that he was alone, that didn’t hate Viktor at all.

As the routine began to come to a close, Yuuri swept into a beautifully executed camel spin, eyes still closed and Viktor backed away, not wanting to be noticed. He wanted to talk to Yuuri, to unlock the secrets of his soul but he had unintentionally intruded on a private moment and even he knew that it wasn’t a good time. Not yet at least.

Later, once he was back in St Petersburg, he threw himself back into training in a way that surprised even Yakov. After a few weeks of moping around and feeling sorry for himself, Viktor knew that the change must be dramatic but he couldn’t explain why to anyone but himself. What he had witnessed was too private to speak about and so he simply shrugged when Yakov asked and said that he was bored and needed to start training again before it drove him mad.

Due to his leg he was still banned from the ice but physical therapy was a good first step. It was more painful and frustrating that Viktor ever would have expected but he knew he had to push through if he ever wanted to get back on the ice again.

Once again, Yuuri Katsuki had brought something special back into his life and it inspired Viktor to keep going, to be better and do more because if he didn’t he would never skate on the same ice as Yuuri Katsuki again and that wasn’t an option.

Watching Yuuri skate his routine with the beauty and pure depth of feeling that he had had reminded Viktor of just what he loved about skating and just how much he wanted to compete again. It had inspired him and he spent many sleepless nights with a pad of paper in front of him coming up with new routines for the next season. Because while there had been some concern that his injury might put him out for good he now refused to let that happen.

And most importantly of all it had shown him a side of Yuuri that he had never seen before and it was beautiful. He wanted to see more, to know more and he knew now more than ever that there was so much more to Yuuri Katsuki than anyone ever knew or expected. And he wanted to be the one to discover it all. To have the trust of the person who had had such a profound effect on his life and to be close to Yuuri because he could think of nothing in his life that he could ever want more.

During his early days of rehabilitation, Yakov refused to announce to the press that Viktor would be returning for the next season. There was still too much doubt as to the possibility or speed of his recovery and he wanted to play it safe, something that he and Viktor had often clashed about. Rumours were flying all across the skating world that Viktor was going to be absent for years, that he was going to be forced to retire for good. But there was one person who seemed to simply not accept that it was a possibility.

Viktor watched Yuuri Katsuki win the Grand Prix Final for the first time and marvelled at how stunning he was to watch in his victory and how much he deserved it. Watched as he went on to win the Four Continents and the World Championships in a marvellous display of talent that had everyone including Viktor on the edges of their seats. After the competitions were over, a reporter had cornered him and started asking questions, questions that had inevitably turned to Viktor as they always did.

“How do you feel about the rumours that your rival Viktor Nikiforov might be retiring?” the reporter had asked, ignoring how uncomfortable Yuuri looked as he crowded closer. “What are your thoughts about next season.”

“I’m looking forward to facing Nikforov on the ice again next season.” Yuuri had replied, completely ignoring the suggestion that Viktor might not come back.

Viktor forced Yakov to announce his return to skating the next day and pushed himself harder than ever. It would seem like he was letting Yuuri down if he didn’t return as soon as possible and after everything Yuuri had done for him he couldn’t let that happen.

From the very first moment Viktor Nikiforov had seen Yuuri Katsuki he had known that he was special. But finally, he was beginning to see just how much.

He had been fascinated with Yuuri for years and had admired almost everything about him. Gradually he had felt his feelings being to grow and change and it had happened slowly, with each new piece of Yuuri that he discovered. His determination and dedication. The way he skated so beautifully like he was making music with his body. The way he smiled and the way he laughed. The fierce passion burning within him that drove him to try over and over again even as he was knocked down, until he was finally closer to Viktor than anyone had ever been before. The way he pushed Viktor to become better just by being himself and the way that he had brought meaning back into Viktor’s life time and time again.

Viktor had known for a long time where the path he was walking would eventually lead but before, he had been falling slowly. And then he had seen Yuuri skating his routine and suddenly it had happened unexpectedly and all at once and there was nothing he could do to change it. Not that he would ever want to.

Viktor Nikiforov was twenty-three. And he was completely in love with Yuuri Katsuki.

Chapter Text

[Katsuki Yuuri - Gold Medal Winning Free Skate Routine]

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Comments · 2294

Top Comments ˅

Linneakou [13 days ago]

This routine is so beautiful, he totally deserved to win gold!

view all 69 replies˅

mmeishi [1 hour ago]

I agree with all of the above comments. The routine was good but he skated way better in Skate America. And If Nikiforov had been there I don’t think he would have won gold at all

totally-am-not-a-witch [10 minutes ago]

^^^ agreed

cmdrrockhard [4 days ago]

It’s amazing how much Katsuki has grown as a skater over the years! I love him so much

view all 34 replies˅

mywanderlustqueen [2 hours ago]

And it’s not just his skating that’s improved over the years either ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I could cut myself on those cheekbones

deadlychildartemis [1 hour ago]

Ikr! He was a cute kid when you watch his old videos but damn did he grow up looking fine

sageandginger [7 days ago]

Yeah yeah yeah, Katsuki is good and all but I can’t wait for the real king of skating to come back. Last season was so boring without Viktor in it!

view all 28 replies˅

i-love-her-anyway [6 hours ago]

Viktor’s coming back this season and I can’t wait to see him kick Katsuki’s ass!

randompasser [2 hours ago]

He’ll easily knock Katsuki down again this season, there’s no way he can ever win against Viktor. It’s just not possible!

view more comments

Over the course of the summer Viktor practiced harder than he had in years. The physical therapy had helped strengthen his leg to the point that he could get back on the ice again but it still took countless hours on the rink to bring his skating ability back up to what it had been before the failed jump that had taken him out of the competition for the whole season.

Many of his rink-mates had started to give him strange looks when they saw him in the rink before any other skater has even arrived in the building and remained there long after the last one had left but Viktor didn’t care. Nothing was more important than getting himself back into peak skating condition in time for the Grand Prix Series. That would be when he would be competing against Yuuri again and the thought filled him with a thrill that he hadn’t felt in years.

During his time off the ice he had been following Yuuri’s career religiously and that didn’t stop in the intervening months between the World Championships, where he had watched Yuuri win gold, to the rapidly approaching Grand Prix Series. Yuuri might not be skating in competitions during the summer months but there was still plenty of footage of him available.

Much to Viktor’s disappointment, Yuuri was a very inactive presence online and his social media accounts were almost completely empty. But it seemed that luck had smiled down on Viktor in the form of Yuuri’s friend Phichit, who was almost as much of a social media junkie as Viktor himself. The Thai boy was constantly active and many of his pictures and videos involved Yuuri.

Viktor had watched enraptured as Yuuri skated his old routine in the dark of an old Moscow ice rink, had marvelled at the emotions flowing from his body and the beauty in his skating and ever since then he had been desperate to see more. Even though he had already watched every one of Yuuri’s competition routines he rewatched them over again, peering through the bad quality of the older ones on the screen of his phone to gaze at the man who had managed to unknowingly snare his heart. When he ran out of routines to watch, he flicked though Phichit Chulanont’s various accounts for glimpses of the dark hair and dark eyes that he knew so well.

Yuuri always looked different off the ice, less intense and with a lightness to his smile and to his eyes that was always lost when he became focused completely on his routine from the minute his skates hit the rink. It was fascinating to see him in pictures with his friend, smiling and laughing in frozen moments with his hair loose and messy and glasses perched on his nose, so very different to the man who had drawn the attention of the world out on the ice but no less beautiful.

It wasn’t just pictures that existed on Yuuri’s friend’s various social media accounts though. There were numerous videos as well and although Viktor would never admit it out loud he had watched them all, especially focused on the ones of Yuuri training. He trained like Viktor, long hours and with a steely determination and devotion that wouldn’t let him step off the rink until he was perfect. Each little glimpse of them was enough to fuel the warmth of love that had blossomed inside Viktor’s chest and glowed in happiness every time he saw Yuuri.

But it wasn’t just love that Viktor was feeling anymore. During one of his times browsing through new videos of Yuuri training for the upcoming Grand Prix Series he had come across one short clip of Yuuri and his friend standing together at the side of a rink after what looked like a hard day of practice, sweaty and laughing. Yuuri’s eyes were bright and alight with mirth and his hair was sticking to his forehead, beads of sweat rolling down the length of his neck. As he laughed he reached up to push the damp hair out of his eyes and Viktor could feel his breath catch in his chest as a familiar feeling of heat rushed through him.

He was no stranger to attraction and he had recognised objectively before that Yuuri was a very attractive person. But for years Viktor had been focused far more on the beauty of Yuuri’s skating and the beauty of his soul, the way he smiled and laughed and was kind to everyone who wasn’t Viktor. It was only watching Yuuri in that moment that he was suddenly hit by the full realisation of the other kind of beauty that Yuuri possessed and he wanted.

He wanted to run his fingers through Yuuri’s hair and kiss his smiling lips until they were raw and red and Yuuri was panting for a very different reason. It wasn’t a surprising revelation but it still managed to catch Viktor off guard all the same. But it was natural, he knew. That desire to know Yuuri and be with Yuuri would eventually bring with it a different kind of desire. Viktor was twenty-three and experienced in the ways of the world and it was just something else to add to the unending list of things that drew him to Yuuri and sustained the flame that was burning in his chest and flared brighter every time he thought of the other man.

He had been gradually falling in love with Yuuri Katsuki for years and then had fallen suddenly and completely a few months previously during a night whose memory he treasured. And now the love was mixed with desire and both the emotions only grew with every passing day.

To Viktor’s own amusement, it seemed like he wasn’t the only one who was a little bit obsessed with watching Yuuri Katsuki’s routines however. Lots of the skaters at the rink in St Petersburg watched videos of him performing to try and find inspiration for their own routines, just as they did with Viktor’s.

There was one little skater that Viktor had seen a number of times frowning at his phone at the side of the rink, glaring at the screen as Yuuri glided across it, eyebrows furrowed. The boy was young, not a junior skater yet but approaching the age where he could soon become one. Yakov had mentioned him a couple of times before, something about a natural talent and potential but Viktor hadn’t really been listening.

It was seeing the boy watching Yuuri’s routines that had sparked Viktor’s interest and one day after the novice class had finished he glided over to where the blond boy was again standing by the rink, frowning down at his screen as he watched one of Yuuri’s step sequences over and over again. Viktor recognised it as Yuuri’s gold medal winning skate from the World Championships just past, the one that Yakov had been using as a demonstration for the novice skaters earlier that day about the importance of presentation and footwork.

As Viktor had been working on his own routines, at the far end of the rink, he had watched the blond boy go over simplified versions of the moves long after his peers had given up, scowling every time he made a mistake and starting over.

“He’s very good isn’t he.” he commented casually as he skidded to a stop next to the boy, causing him to startle and almost drop his phone onto the ice. The boy levelled Viktor with a glare for the sudden interruption and huffed dismissively.

“I guess.” he grumbled, not quite looking Viktor in the eye. “His jumps are terrible though. One day I’ll be much better.”

“I’m sure you will be.” Viktor laughed, smiling as he did so. The arrogant confidence of a child was endearing and the indignant look the boy shot him at his response was much less fierce than he was sure was the boy’s intention. The boy was young, only eleven or twelve Viktor would guess but it wasn’t unreasonable to think that one day he might end up in the seniors at the same time as Yuuri. Maybe even with Viktor too, if he kept skating competitively for longer than most.

“You do like watching his routines though.” Viktor teased lightly and watched the spread of colour of the boy’s cheeks that gave him away even as he scowled. “I’ve seen you doing it a few times already.”

“Yeah, well, not everyone looks up to you!” The boy snapped indignantly after a few seconds of enraged sputtering, before turning and skating away as fast as his could, shooting Viktor another glare over his shoulder.

Viktor grinned as he went. It was cute and even though Yakov would probably get on at him for it later he hadn’t been able to help himself when he had seen the boy watching and practicing Yuuri’s step sequences with such focus.

Absently he wondered if the young blond boy would ever make it far enough to compete against Yuuri for real. Maybe one day in the future but for now it was Viktor’s turn. And he was intending to make the absolute most of the time that he had.

When the Grand Prix Series finally started, Viktor was ready. During the year that he had been absent he had fully regained his old skating ability and the routines that he had created had been perfected with countless hours of practice. His short programs was soft and sweet, something he had begun to create the day after seeing Yuuri in Moscow but it was his free skate that drew most of the attention and Viktor knew why.

It was a routine he had created later than most, after his desire to know Yuuri had been joined by a very different kind of desire. He could freely admit that he was in love with Yuuri but now he wanted him mind, body and soul and with an intensity that Viktor had never felt before. He had watched Yuuri skate and everything had changed and Viktor knew that he had already damned himself in the process.

There might be a part of Yuuri, a hidden part that Viktor had only glimpsed that night after Rostelecom, that didn’t hate Viktor at all. But the face that he put on whenever Viktor was near was one of very clear dislike and one that had driven Viktor to keep his distance for years.

And yet Viktor had still fallen for him despite everything and now he could never look away, could never turn from Yuuri because Yuuri was beautiful in every way that it was possible to be beautiful and even if he hated Viktor with a passion to rival Viktor’s love nothing could ever change that. Nor could it change the way that Viktor felt.

Viktor was in love with a man who loathed him for a reason that Viktor didn’t even understand and yet he was drawn to Yuuri still.

After the Rostelecom Cup he found himself sitting with Chris after his scores were announced, landing him in first and the Swiss skater in a respectable third. They were both sitting on the benches by the side of the rink, half hidden away with their voices drowned out from the people surrounding them by the noise from the crowds. The screen above them was playing clips of all the skaters that had made it to the final and Viktor watched himself spin across the screen, eyes alight with passion as he easily surpassed all the other skaters and sent himself shooting to the top of the score board.

“You’re not subtle at all you know.” Chris commented, eyes following Viktor’s progress on the screen as well, as the sound of Viktor’s free skate music rang from the speakers, deep and melodic. “Quel est l'homme qui détournerait son regard d'elle. Sous peine d'être changé en statue de sel. Really Viktor?”

Viktor just shrugged absently, watching as the screen switched to a video of Chris’ own performance. The Swiss man could easily understand the language of the lyrics of the song that Viktor used in his free skate and after years of knowing Viktor he had figured out the meaning behind it instantly as well. The line was fitting, Viktor couldn’t look away from Yuuri. No-one could. There was just something about him, in the way he skated, the way he moved, the way he danced that drew and held every eye.

“It was cute when you just had a harmless crush on him.” Chris continued, looking away from the screen to turn towards Viktor. “But something’s changed and it’s gone way beyond that, hasn’t it?”

Viktor hadn’t told anyone about that night at the ice rink, where he had watched Yuuri skate his old routine and fallen so completely in love with the other skater that it had driven him to heights he never before had thought was possible. But Chris was perceptive and he was right, Viktor wasn’t subtle at all.

“Can you blame me Chris?” he said in lieu of a proper response. “You’ve met him too. He’s a very easy person to fall in love with.”

“Yes Viktor, he’s very pretty when he skates.” Chris sighed and he looked a little exasperated. “And he’s got a nice face and a cute ass and he seems like a good person. But he also loathes you. I think even you can probably see the slight problem here.”

Viktor could indeed see the problem and it had been one that he had been worrying over for years now. But he still waved Chris’ words off easily. After watching Yuuri skate his own routine he knew that there was far more to Yuuri’s hatred of him than just simple jealously or bitterness and as soon as he knew what the root of it was he could set about fixing it for good. All he needed was the chance to talk to Yuuri, to clear the air between them and then he hoped that they could move on to better things.

Viktor wasn’t arrogant enough to think that Yuuri would fall instantly in love with him but he was a romantic at heart and he knew that there was something about Yuuri that called to him, a part of the other man that Viktor recognised on an intrinsic level and that bound the two of them together. All he needed was to figure out how to remove the barrier of hatred and animosity keeping them apart and then he could hope that Yuuri would be able to see the same in him and that maybe they could begin to build something new.

“There’s got to be a reason.” he told Chris and Chris gave a wary nod of agreement, eyes calculating. “All I need to do it figure out what it is and fix it.”

The screen above them changed again, showing off the other skaters who had qualified for the final but hadn’t been skating at Rostelecom. Viktor could feel the breath catch in his chest as Yuuri glided across the screen, the lines of his body graceful and poised and his face all sharp lines and full of fiery determination. Beside him, Viktor heard Chris let out a low whistle.

“Belle.” he commented as he turned to Viktor, one eyebrow raised. “However complicated you might have just made this for yourself Viktor, I can’t deny that you have good taste.”

Yuuri was stunning on the screen, twenty years old and more beautiful than he had ever been before. Everything from the way he skated to the dark intensity of his eyes was captivating and Viktor could feel the familiar warmth build in his chest as he watched.

“Well, if you ever do manage to figure out how to get him to stop hating you for breathing and jump into your bed instead, just remember I would be very happy to join you both.” Chris said with a joking wink and Viktor laughed and hit his friend lightly on the shoulder. He knew that Chris likely wasn’t being serious, they didn’t have that kind of relationship, and even if he was, Chris knew that there was no way that Viktor was going to share if he did somehow manage to make it with Yuuri. And more than that, he didn’t just want Yuuri in his bed. He wanted him in his life too, wanted every part of him and it was something that, someday soon, he hoped to be able to turn into a reality.

“So now all you have to do is figure out why your greatest rival hates you so much, convince him to fall in love with you instead and live happily ever after.” Chris said, eyes still fixed on Viktor. His voice was light and teasing but there was a slight undercurrent of worry there.

“Really, how hard can it be?”

When Viktor finally made it to the Grand Prix Final, he was excited. It was his first time skating against Yuuri again in over a year and it was exhilarating in a way skating in the qualifiers never was. Yuuri had been adamant to reporters when Viktor was injured that he expected to see Viktor at the final again the next season and Viktor was proud of himself for making it. Especially after an injury that some had said would stop him from skating again forever.

It had all been thanks to Yuuri. The thought of the other man had driven Viktor to push through the pain and the exhaustion until he was back on top form again and Yuuri had brought the inspiration that had led to Viktor creating two of the most successful routines of his career.

Viktor spent most of the time during the competition trying to figure out how to approach Yuuri. For years he had been staying away because even his mere presence had been enough to drain all the happiness out of Yuuri and put a scowl on his face that marred his features and made Viktor’s heart lurch sickeningly in his chest.

Viktor had no idea what he was doing wrong but it must be something. Years ago, when he had talked to Yuuri in a bathroom at the World Championships, something he had said had sent Yuuri storming away even if Viktor had never intended to anger him at all. Through the years it always felt like he was walking on invisible eggshells around Yuuri, with no idea where to step but still aware that one wrong move could ruin everything.

He couldn’t risk that happening here, not now that he was fully in love with the other skater and wanting to make things right between them. He needed to be careful, needed to find the right time and the right opening to speak to Yuuri to make his honest intentions clear.

Yuuri was notoriously elusive at competitions but during the first day he had passed Viktor briefly in the corridor and given him one single quick nod of acknowledgement, eyes intent. The gesture had thrown Viktor for a second and he could feel his eyes widening in response as he turned his head to follow Yuuri’s retreating figure as the other man walked away, posture stiff. Yuuri had never acknowledged him beyond glares before and even though the gesture was hardly a friendly one it was far more than Viktor ever received before.

For the first time ever, Yuuri had initiated contact between them. A very brief form of it to be sure but non-hostile and it made Viktor’s heart leap in his chest. Maybe whatever had driven Yuuri to skate his old routine that night over a year ago had changed something in Yuuri and finally he was able to look at Viktor without what had now become the familiar dislike burning in his gaze. Viktor still didn’t know what had prompted that night or the change but he couldn’t help the flare of hope that reared up at the thought.

That hope sustained him all throughout the short programs and into the free skate the next day. Yuuri was skating first and Viktor made sure to get a good spot by the rink-side to watch him perform.

When Yuuri glided out onto the ice there was an intent to his every move and a concentration in his eyes that surpassed anything that Viktor had ever seen before. Yuuri was always graceful when he skated but this time every movement of his body was full of purpose and determination and it truly was a sight to behold. Throughout the routine as he skated, Yuuri’s presentation was flawless and he nailed every one of his jumps, pushing many of them back into the second half with the stamina that he was so well renowned for. Viktor could see the fatigue in his frame weighing him down as the extreme technical difficulty of the routine sapped Yuuri’s strength move by move but he still skated on, never missing a beat.

The crowd went wild for it, cheering and whistling every time Yuuri successfully landed another jump and Viktor watched with his heart in his throat. As the routine reached well into the second half Yuuri prepared for another jump and Viktor tensed, not quite able to believe what he was seeing. It almost looked like…

He barely had time to complete the thought before Yuuri launched himself into a quad flip, a move that was so familiar to Viktor it felt like he was born to do it. After first landing it in his last Junior Grand Prix Final he had begun to include it wherever he could, to the point that many now considered it his signature move. There were other quads that he could comfortably perform but the quad flip was special to him.

The quad flip was special to him and it was a move that Yuuri Katsuki had just jumped for the world to see. The exhaustion of the rest of the routine had clearly worn him down and he fell on the landing, hitting the ice and springing back up instantly but Viktor hardly cared about that. Yuuri might not have landed the jump but he had done it all the same.

Just like the nod in the corridor before, it was contact. Subtle and short lived but there all the same. There was a multitude of different moves that Yuuri could have chosen if he wanted to expand his repertoire of quads. The quad loop, the quad lutz. Many jumps that didn’t have such an intimate association with Viktor in the minds of every skater and skating fan in the world. But he hadn’t jumped any of them. He had jumped a quad flip and it was like a call to Viktor, a call to look and to watch.

Viktor had spent years staying away from Yuuri but finally he had the sign he needed that it was time to try again.

Yuuri finally  finished the routine, panting, with beads of sweat running down his forehead and holding his final position for only a second before he practically collapsed onto the ice. Watching worriedly, Viktor hoped that Yuuri hadn’t pushed himself too much. It was a common thing for skaters to go above and beyond their limits and the pain of going that little bit too far and suffering the consequences was one that Viktor knew far too well.

Thankfully Yuuri got up off the ice relatively quickly and left for the kiss and cry as Viktor made his way towards the ice to skate.

They passed each other as they went and Viktor couldn’t help but watch Yuuri closely as he approached. There was no time to stop and talk, Yuuri needed to collect his score and Viktor needed to be ready to perform, but that didn’t stop Viktor from drinking in the sight of Yuuri as he walked past.

The exertion from the routine was clear in Yuuri’s face. The dance had been full of beauty and grace and wild untameable passion and it had clearly taken everything that Yuuri had to give. There was a flush to his cheeks and a hitch in his breathing and the sweat that had gathered on his forehead as the routine progressed had stuck the strands of hair that had fallen out of their careful style to his brow. Viktor knew that it was just the natural result of skating such a technically demanding routine that made Yuuri look the way he did but when Yuuri fixed him with a piercing gaze as they passed he couldn’t help his mind jumping in a very different direction.

Yuuri glared at him for a few more seconds before breaking the gaze and continuing on to the kiss and cry. Viktor watched him go, feeling unexpectedly hot all of a sudden and for a second he almost forgot that he was supposed to be getting ready to skate. It was only the sound of his name being called over the loudspeaker that shook him out of his trance and prompted him to move again, stepping out onto the ice to the cheers from the crowds surrounding him.

But Viktor barely took any notice of them as he glided out to the centre of the rink. Seeing Yuuri after his skate had brought back all the desires that were so different to the innocent love and affection that Viktor felt and skated about in his short program. He was in love with Yuuri but he also wanted Yuuri, a carnal desire and with an intensity that he had never felt before.

The first notes of the music rang out and Viktor moved, keeping the image of Yuuri from a few minutes before in his mind as he began to skate. The song was about lust and desire and wanting. About being captivated by beauty and being damned by it.

Viktor had been entranced by Yuuri from the very first moment that he saw him but now he felt consumed by him and there was nothing he could do to change it. For years he had wanted to know Yuuri, to make him laugh and make him smile and be close to him and he still did. But now there was another part to his emotions that had grown and flourished when he looked at the other man and now he wanted to know Yuuri in other ways too. Wanted to touch him and take him apart until he was panting and flushed and screaming Viktor’s name and it almost scared him because, while he wasn’t a stranger to desire, nothing and no-one had ever made him feel that strongly before.

Yuuri was one of a kind and he was under Viktor’s skin and in his soul and Viktor wanted him in every way that it was possible to want. And yet Yuuri still hated him, was still completely untouchable, and it was the worst kind of hell.

Filling every move with the emotions that were burning in him, Viktor jumped and spun around the rink, keeping his eyes fixed on the audience and hoping to catch a glimpse of the man that never seemed leave his mind. The routine was fast-paced but Viktor thought he saw a flash of familiar dark hair in the stands as he searched.

Tearing his eyes away, Viktor threw himself into another series of spins, feeling the air whip past him as he did so and his heart beat wildly in his chest. Everything in his life had been turned on its axis the minute that Yuuri walked into it and the feeling bled into every one of his moves as he let his emotions run free.

When the routine finally drew to a close, Viktor could feel how much it had cost him. He felt drained, worn out but exhilarated all the same. Yuuri had brought the joy back into skating for him years ago but now he had brought something more. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to still be as he once was, bored and losing inspiration and so very empty. Yuuri had saved him from that, even if he never knew it.

In the kiss and cry, Yakov sat by him and Viktor could feel the eyes that were boring a hole into the side of his head. Long ago Yakov had given up trying to control Viktor’s routines but Viktor knew he had been surprised by Viktor’s choice for the year and that surprise had quickly changed to suspicion. Yakov might not know about Viktor’s feelings in regards to a certain Japanese skater but he was a very perceptive person and he must have been able to see that something had changed in his skating.

From somewhere overhead Viktor’s scores were announced and the crowds went wild, screaming their approval. A rush of pride swelling in Viktor’s chest when he saw the score and when he turned he saw the small smile on Yakov’s face as he read the scoreboard. The numbers were high, higher than they had ever been before. During the routine Viktor had been too consumed by the skating and the thoughts of the person that he was skating for to care much about anything else but when he saw the numbers glaring at him from the screen he couldn’t help the happiness that rose up within him.

The routine was perfect and the scores reflected that. Viktor had broken the free skate world record before but he had just done it again, surpassing his own record by a significant margin. Excited, he left the kiss and cry as soon as he was able, eyes searching the crowds for the familiar flash of dark hair. But no matter how hard he looked, he couldn’t see it anywhere. Eventually he noticed Yuuri’s coach, sitting in the stands with a polite but strained smile on his face as he clapped with the rest of the audience but there was no sign of his student anywhere.

There was nothing Viktor could do to stop the swell of disappointment from rising in his chest at the sight. It had been Yuuri that he had been thinking about when he skated his routine, when he broke a world record driven by nothing but the emotions that Yuuri brought him and the determination that Yuuri had inspired so long ago. He had skated the routine about Yuuri, for Yuuri.

He had broken a world record. But Yuuri wasn’t there to see it.

After the competition was over, Viktor couldn’t find Yuuri anywhere.

The nod and the quad flip had been enough to seal his resolve to finally try talking to Yuuri again. He had never been a patient person, far from it, and it was only Yuuri’s tangible unhappiness at his mere presence that had kept him at bay for so long. Now that he had solid evidence that Yuuri might be willing to speak to him again without the solid wall of animosity keeping them apart he was determined not to wait any longer.

At the medal ceremony Yuuri appeared briefly, standing under Viktor to accept his silver medal before vanishing almost as soon as it was over, before Viktor even had time to blink. Undeterred, Viktor followed him out as soon as he was able to extract himself from the mass of reporters and fans clamouring for his attention.

It was true that he hadn’t really thought about what he was going to say to Yuuri when he finally did get the chance but he was sure that he would think of something when the time came. Logically Viktor knew that there was no way he could mention just how deep his feelings for Yuuri ran in their first conversation but any words that weren’t filled with hatred would be enough to start bridging the chasm between them and he could work from there.

After searching for a while in the backstage areas, Viktor moved out into the chaos of the public corridors, hoping to catch sight of the other skater. The crowds surged all around him and the noise was deafening but after a few minutes he spotted the familiar head of dark hair several meters away from him and walking away, coach by his side and suitcase in hand.

His hair had fallen completely out of its slicked back skating style and he was wearing his glasses again but Viktor would recognise Yuuri anywhere.

“Yuuri.” he called out, his voice carrying over the general hubbub of the crowds as Yuuri moved even further away from him, disappearing into the distance. Yuuri stopped for a second and for a moment Viktor thought he was going to turn around, to spot Viktor standing far away from him and calling out across the masses. Looking slightly puzzled, Yuuri turned to his coach who was speaking on the phone and then shrugged a little, continuing to walk away from the place where Viktor was standing without even glancing around.

A rush of disappointment welled in Viktor’s chest at the sight. Due to the crowds packed tight all around him there was no way he would be able to reach Yuuri before the other skater left the stadium for good and Yuuri clearly hadn’t heard his call.

Turning away, Viktor retreated back into the private areas reserved for the skaters, trying not to feel too dejected. He might have failed to catch Yuuri this time but there would be plenty of other opportunities in the future. The Olympics were fast approaching and the World Championships were soon after that, both competitions that Yuuri was scheduled to attend. Even if they hadn’t had a chance to talk this time, Viktor knew that he would manage it soon.

There was no expectation in him that he would magically be able to solve whatever was broken between Yuuri and himself in one conversation but he was sure that, if given the chance, he could at least start the process. And hopefully, if fate was kind, he would eventually be able to be close to Yuuri as a friend and not just a rival. And if he was very lucky, Yuuri might one day start to love him back, the same way that Viktor had now been in love with him for so long.

sebuckwheat @ sebuckwheat · 34m

It was soooooo satisfying watching Katsuki fall on that quad flip. He’s such an amateur, I can’t believe that people actually like him!

evermoredeath @ evermoredeath · 31m

@sebuckwheat Why are gross Nikiforov fans always trying to attack Yuuri for no good reason??? He’s routine was really, really good and falling on a jump is something that lots of skaters do. But you never see fans attacking them for it, it’s just Nikiforov fans who love to make fun of Yuuri for no good reason

simplekitty @ simplekitty · 26m

@sebuckwheat Yuuri is incredible and Viktor is a gross loser who ruined his leg doing a simple jump so why don’t you just shut your mouth

dianastar @ dianastar · 23m

@simplekitty See this is why everyone hates Katsuki fans. You’re all rude and delusional and you can’t recognise a good skater when you see one.

 dianastar @ dianastar · 23m

@simplekitty Plus, Viktor was doing a quad Lutz when he got hurt which is way more than Katsuki will ever manage

books-are-way-better-than-movies  @books-are-way-better-than-movies · 17m

Katsuki is such a knock off Viktor and him trying to do a quad flip just proved that. What do people even like about him anyway?

maracate @maracate · 11m

@books-are-way-better-than-movies It’s literally only the rivalry thing that make people like him. No-one would care about him otherwise and there’s no other reason to like him

shiftyshar @shiftyshar · 9m

@maracate Don’t you love the way that Yuuri just [clenches fist] hates Viktor

pvtdoughnuthole  @ pvtdoughnuthole · 6m

@maracate Hey, there’s loads of other reasons to like Yuuri! He’s really kind to all of his fans, he does loads of charity work and he’s such a sweetheart in interviews

flyingsuits @ flyingsuits-blog-blog · 5m

@pvtdoughnuthole Yeah, but Viktor does all that too. Plus he can actually land the quad flip while Katsuki just tries to copy him

dyingseas  @ dyingseas · 2m

@flyingsuits-blog-blog What was the point of him even trying that anyway? It just made him look like even more of a cheap Viktor knock-off. I don’t understand why he would bother

goldenwinterlight @ goldenwinterlight · 1m

Let’s get some expert opinion. Hey @V-nikiforov you hate Katsuki right? Can you come an tell his idiot fans to shut up for once

queenflorence @ queenflorence · 1m

Haha like Viktor’s ever going to answer that! He wont even see it considering the hundreds of things people tweet at him every day. Plus he never talks about Katsuki even in interviews, he’s not going to answer you

In the run up to the Olympics, Viktor could feel his excitement building. The last time he had attended the games four years ago he had felt a similar sense of excitement but this time it was magnified tenfold.

Before, Viktor had been twenty years old and just beginning to feel like his ability to surprise the audience was starting to fade. Everyone had expected the gold medal he had won and that had been a turning point, the beginning of a decline that Yuuri had ultimately saved him from. He had still enjoyed the thrill of the games themselves but the skating itself had started to lose its charm.

This year however, the excitement was back, along with his passion for skating that he had one person alone to thank for. And more than that, he knew that Yuuri would be competing in the same events and he hoped that finally they would get the chance to speak properly for once.

However, most of his efforts to find the other skater proved fruitless. Yuuri was just as notoriously elusive during the run up to the competition as he had ever been, maybe even more so. Throughout the majority of the official events and unofficial parties that Viktor attended he didn’t catch even a glimpse of the other skater. Part of him wondered what Yuuri was doing if not socialising with the masses of other athletes who had all converged in Russia to compete in one of the most prestigious competitions of their lives.

Yuuri was well-known and well-liked despite his elusive nature and it was a mystery as to why he wasn’t out enjoying the attention and wild lifestyle of the Olympics like most young athletes did. Viktor could vividly remember his own last Olympic games and the way the thrill and prestige had caused him to enjoy himself maybe a little too much, despite the disappointment of the actual competition.

Everyone was allowed to be a little wild in their younger years and Viktor had definitely not missed the opportunity when it was presented to him. Vague memories of drinking far too much far too often, of dancing and celebrating, the hot press of bodies against each other and feeling the thrill of just being at the Olympics rush through him stood out in his mind when he thought back to four years ago.

This year though, he was much more reserved. Although he wasn’t exactly ancient at twenty-four he was still old enough that Yakov’s constant rants about being responsible were starting to sink in. And more than that, he had no desire to relieve the memories of his last experiences at the games. There was plenty of opportunity presented to him but he wasn’t interested in any of it, or anyone.  No-one but one.

Viktor had no desire to take anyone up on their less than subtle offers of nights of companionship because somehow, Yuuri had become all he could think about, the only one that he wanted. Although he did wonder if Yuuri was out enjoying the same opportunity for easy companionship that the games presented to him. Yuuri was twenty, the same age that Viktor had been when he last competed. He was young and beautiful and his elusiveness didn’t necessarily mean that he wasn’t enjoying the privacy with company. There were many people who Viktor knew would be more than happy to spend the night with him and Viktor could hardly begrudge Yuuri if he had taken up the opportunity considering Viktor had done exactly the same thing years before.

There was nothing tying Yuuri to him, no expectation when they hadn’t even held a full conversation in years. Yuuri wasn’t his and even though there was a slight surge of jealousy every time Viktor thought of someone else being allowed to touch Yuuri in the way he so desperately wanted to, he reigned it in quickly. First he had to talk to Yuuri, to get to know him, and hopefully build a relationship from there if Yuuri would allow it.

The first time he saw Yuuri properly was during the skating itself. From Phichit Chulanont’s social media accounts and Yuuri’s coach’s press releases, Viktor knew that Yuuri had changed his free skate routine completely from what it had been during the Grand Prix Final and there was a general air of excitement in the stadium when Yuuri skated out onto the rink for his final performance.

Viktor himself had skated his free skate just moments before and so he hung around the rink-side as soon as his scores were announced to watch as Yuuri took to the ice. The routine had scored him well, not quite as high as it had in the Grand Prix Final but high enough. Despite that, the desire he had for Yuuri hadn’t lessened at all since then, in fact it had only grown. Grown along with the wish to be close to Yuuri, for first friendship and then love and all the beautiful things he had heard stories about but had never experienced for himself.

There had been a few people in the past, a few relationships that he had enjoyed and people he had felt affection for. They had been fun and mutually enjoyable but all of them had eventually come to their natural end. Long ago, Viktor had been told he would have to sell his soul to the ice to win and he knew that his utter devotion to skating had always eventually lead to the inevitabe drifting apart. Either that or the affection they had for each other just wasn’t strong enough to last the test of time. Viktor was still on good terms with most of his previous relationships and there were several he still spoke to regularly but none had ever lasted that long and he had never been in love before. Not until he saw Yuuri. Not until Yuuri changed everything.

When Yuuri skated into the centre of the rink his attention was turned completely inwards. Not once did he so much as glance at the crowds cheering his name or the judges watching intently. Instead his mind was completely focused inside himself on some image that no-one but him could see. There was an electricity in the air that sent a shiver up Viktor’s spine and the roar of the crowds settled quickly into an excited hush.

For a few seconds Yuuri just stood there, immobile with his eyes closed and then suddenly the first trickles of sound began to echo around the stadium and he moved with them, gliding across the ice effortlessly and taking Viktor’s breath away.

Yuuri had always been stunning before when he skated but this time he was completely confident and perfectly in control, every moved filled with a beautiful myriad of emotions that lit up his whole body and made him seem to almost glow in the centre of the rink as he moved.

Viktor was so caught up in awe of the performance that he hardly noticed when the music began to reach its final crescendo and Yuuri entered his last series of spins, whipping around so fast that he  became a blur in the centre of the rink.

A surge of disappointment welled up in Viktor’s chest as the routine finally came to a close, Yuuri coming to a standstill as the crowd around him burst into frantic cheers and applause. An irrational part of Viktor had never wanted to routine to end, had wanted to keep watching Yuuri skate forever. Out on the rink Yuuri’s eyes started to glisten with tears as he took in the praise coming from all around him and his emotions began to spill over, raw and open and honest and so very beautiful.

Stumbling a little, Yuuri eventually made his way to the kiss and cry to await his scores and Viktor was so distracted watching Yuuri that he completely missed the announcement that sent the crowd into a wild frenzy. Glancing up at the board he took note of Yuuri’s name, sitting comfortably at the top of the score board, above even his own.

Yuuri had finally done it.

Yuuri had won.

“You look distinctly less disappointed than I thought you’d be.” Chris commented as they both made their way to the medal ceremony. Viktor gave a non-committal shrug in reply, still smiling a little at the memory of the look on Yuuri’s face when he had realised what he had achieved.

It was true that he was disappointed that he had lost the Olympic title of all things but seeing Yuuri finally skate at his peak was more important to him than any gold medal. The routine and the way Yuuri had skated it had been a privilege to witness and Yuuri deserved every ounce of praise that he was getting and the gold medal that would soon be draped around his neck. Viktor might have lost but to Yuuri, he could lose with grace.  

“Wow, you really do have it bad.” Chris told him, his expression a mixture of amusement and mild horror and Viktor couldn’t even deny it. Chris rolled his eyes but decided not to make any further comments as they made their way to the arena where the medals would be presented.

The ceremonies themselves were something that Viktor had been through many times before and would go through many times again and he mostly tuned them out, instead preferring to sneak glances at Yuuri out of the corner of his eye whenever he could. The other man hadn’t stopped smiling for a single minute of the proceedings and his eyes were alight with a fierce pride and joy. The gold of his medal glinted under the stadium lights and highlighted the little flecks of gold in his eyes.

After a while Viktor turned to look at Yuuri fully, wanting to properly see the way he shone under the praise and adoration that he had so rightly earned. The cameras were trained on them all but Chris was looking up at Yuuri as well and he was pretty sure the cameras that were flashing all around them or the thousands of people watching wouldn’t pick up anything suspicious.

“Enjoying the view?”

The sound of Yuuri’s voice startled him as the other skater stared back, one eyebrow raised and a smirk dancing across his lips as he looked down at Viktor from his place on the top of the podium. Viktor couldn’t help the way his eyes widened at the words or the light flush that appeared on his cheeks at getting caught staring so blatantly.

He had definitely been enjoying the view of Yuuri, enjoying it immensely and Yuuri had clearly noticed. The other skater didn’t look angry or annoyed that Viktor had been quite obviously checking him out, instead he just looked amused and was still staring at Viktor with a raised eyebrow as though he was waiting for a response.

From Yuuri’s other side Viktor could hear Chris laughing from the lower podium, obviously taking great amusement in the fact that Viktor had not only been caught looking but that Yuuri had so unexpectedly flirted back, sly and teasing.

And it definitely had been flirting. There was absolutely no other way to look at the comment and the thought only made Viktor blush harder. He had been obviously and publicly admiring the way that Yuuri had looked standing above him and Yuuri had called him out on it with a smirk and a look that demanded a response. It was completely unexpected but not unwelcome and Viktor swallowed a little, feeling suddenly tongue-tied.

Quickly he flicked his eyes to where the cameras were still focused on the three of them, trying to judge what the best response would be. Flirting back was his instinctive reaction but up until that point, Yuuri had done very little to dispel the idea that he still hated Viktor and Viktor wasn’t really sure what response he was expecting. And on top of that, every time Viktor had tried to speak to Yuuri before he had somehow messed up and made things worse and on the podium in front of thousands of people and hundreds of cameras he didn’t want to risk accidentally doing it again.

In a strike of either good luck or bad timing, Viktor wasn’t quite sure which, the main photographer called for the three of them to step down from the podium to take some group shots together. It was a run of the mill thing but that didn’t stop Viktor’s heart from picking up its pace when he was directed to stand close to Yuuri, one arm slung fake-casually around his shoulder. The posture was meant to be relaxed but inside Viktor was fully aware of every tiny detail, every miniscule movement of Yuuri’s body under his touch.

Yuuri’s frame was lithe, his shoulders muscular but slender and fitting perfectly under Viktor’s arm. His body burned hot beneath Viktor’s own and Viktor knew that he was standing a little closer than necessary, gripping a little harder than was needed but he couldn’t help himself. After years of forced distance, being close to Yuuri, being able to touch him, was something he didn’t ever want to let go of, especially after what had just happened.

The cameraman took a series of photos before eventually deeming them good enough and allowing the three medallists to relax. As soon as the session ended Yuuri pulled away sharply and Viktor felt the sudden emptiness at the loss. They were still standing in the middle of the stadium surrounded by people but the official ceremony was finally over and most of the attention had left them, the looming television cameras finally turning their gazes away.

Still looking at Yuuri, Viktor frowned a little, trying to puzzle him out. Yuuri Katsuki had always been a mystery to him but now even more so. Over a year ago he had skated Viktor’s old routine in a deserted rink and filled it with a love that was such a stark contrast to the hatred he usually displayed whenever Viktor was near. And then this season he had added a quad flip into one of his routines, a move that was famously associated with Viktor himself. Viktor had reached out to Yuuri through his skating before and there was a chance that the flip was Yuuri doing the same to him.

And just minutes before, Yuuri had looked down at Viktor admiring him on the podium and flirted back with a challenge in his eyes and a smirk on his lips and it all seemed to be adding up to a very different picture of Yuuri than the one he had been presenting to the public for years. But still, when the photographs had ended Yuuri had shaken him off like Viktor’s touch disgusted him and now he was back to glaring at Viktor again with the same clear dislike alight in his eyes. It was so very confusing and Viktor had no idea what to make of it, or what Yuuri wanted.

As Viktor watched, Yuuri looked very pointedly at him, then flicked his eyes down to the gold medal that was still strung about his neck and then back up to Viktor, one eyebrow raised and a smile that was far from kind twisting across his lips. The meaning of the look was very clear, made even more so when Yuuri’s eyes moved to the silver medal hanging around Viktor’s own neck.

Viktor almost wanted to feel insulted but the surprise at the unexpected gesture drowned out everything else. After Yuuri had so casually flirted with him on the podium Viktor hadn’t expected to be mocked for coming second by a man he didn’t even mind losing too. Before he could say anything however Chris stepped between them, blocking Viktor’s view as he congratulated Yuuri on his win.

The distraction gave Viktor enough space to think and once his eye contact with Yuuri was broken he could see Yakov standing at the side of the rink, motioning for Viktor to come over. One of Viktor’s long time sponsors was standing next to him looking very unhappy and Viktor could tell if he didn’t get over there within the next ten seconds Yakov would have his head on a spike before the day was done.

Glancing back at where Yuuri was still occupied with Chris, Viktor made his escape across the ice towards his coach. He still wanted to talk to Yuuri but Yuuri’s action had only served to confuse him further and he needed some space to think before he did anything else. Yuuri was well known for hating him and his mockery of Viktor just a few seconds ago had seemed almost malicious but none of that fit with the other facts that had begun to build up for over a year. Yuuri Katsuki was more confusing than ever and, regardless of his own feelings, Viktor could feel the frustration begin to grow inside him. All he wanted to do was understand Yuuri and then get to know him but even that seemed impossible every time the two of them interacted.

Yakov met him at the rink-side and Viktor shot the irate looking sponsor his most award winning smile. Losing to Yuuri might not be something that Viktor minded too much about but the people who provided his main source of income definitely cared when their golden boy was knocked from the top spot and he knew that he was going to have to do some serious damage control to keep them all happy and paying.

For the moment, he put Yuuri Katsuki out of his mind and vowed to deal with it later, when he had more time to think and figure out what the hell the other man actually wanted from him.

Several hours later, Viktor was exhausted. The meetings and phone calls with his various sponsors had gone on for far longer than he had expected and even though he had managed to charm and sweet talk them all into not caring too much about the loss of the Olympic gold it had been a taxing day and he wanted nothing more than to fall face first onto his bed and go to sleep. The official party for the skaters that day would be well over and he had no obligation to go to the unofficial one that he was sure would be carrying on in its place. Chris would presumably still be there, he never missed the opportunity to party, but Viktor really wasn’t feeling in the mood.

Slowly he made his way back to his room, yawning and tugging off the tie that he had been forced to wear to meet his sponsors off as he did so. He had almost made it to his door when the ringing chime from his phone alerted him to the fact that he had just received a text message.

Chris G

Come to the party Viktor!

Smiling a little Viktor typed back a quick ‘sorry, I’m tired xx’ and sent it back to his friend. Partying with Chris was always fun but it had been a long day and he really just wanted to sleep. A ping from his phone sounded only a second later and Viktor glanced down at it again, eyes flicking quickly over the words on the screen.

Chris G

Get your ass down here right now Nikiforov. Trust me, there’s something here that you’ll definitely want to see…

Frowning at his phone Viktor began to type out a reply then quickly deleted it and clicked the screen shut. Although Chris did tend to be a little overdramatic sometimes his intentions were always good and he was the king of all the figure skating gossip. If something was happening at the afterparty that he thought Viktor would want to see then he was almost certainly right.

Slipping quickly into his room, Viktor chucked the tie he had been holding onto the bed and shrugged off his suit jacket, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt to try and look slightly more casual and appropriate for the party he was about to enter. Despite planning on going he wasn’t intending on staying long, just enough time to see whatever Chris wanted him to see and then leave again.

With that thought in mind he descended the long flights of stairs, already hearing the thumping of a baseline coming from one of the large open rooms on the other side of the building. As he approached the music grew louder and louder and he could hear the sound of celebrating athletes over the din, whooping and cheering as they finally let loose after an intense few days of competition.

The noise hit its peak as he finally approached the large double doors leading into the room and he slipped in quietly, hoping is appearance wouldn’t be noticed. Glancing around quickly, he tried to find Chris amongst the crowd but instead of seeing his friend his eyes were instantly drawn to the centre of the room where…where…

Viktor could feel his mouth drop open and a flush of heat rush through him, was sure his cheeks at just gone bright flaming red and his face completely slack-jawed in disbelief. Suddenly his mouth felt very dry and he swallowed hastily, trying to regain some bit of composure before someone noticed the way he was looking at what seemed to be the main attraction in the centre of the large room.

Yuuri Katsuki was hanging from a pole in the middle of the dance floor, gripping it with nothing but his thighs as he bent the rest of his body backwards in a perfect arch, showing off every line of the lean muscles that his figure skating career had given him. For some reason he had discarded the majority of his clothes, leaving him in nothing but a pair of very tight black boxers with his shirt loose and open around his shoulders and a tie strung crookedly and half undone around his neck. The warm yellow lights of the room were making his whole body glow and Viktor could see the thin sheen of sweat that coated his exposed skin from the exertion of the dancing.

There were crowds of people filling the room, many dancing and drinking to the beat of the music that was still playing loud over it all but many more watching Yuuri, the air filled with wolf whistles as he grabbed the pole with one hand and hoisted himself upright effortlessly. The room was hot under the harsh lights and filled with such a press of bodies and Viktor was sure he could feel a bead of sweat begin to trickle down his forehead as he stood, still frozen by the door.

“I told you there was something here that you’d want to see.” Came a smug voice from beside him and Viktor jumped at the noise as it startled him out of his reverie. Chris had appeared beside him, decidedly less clothed than even Yuuri with just his underwear protecting his modestly. Not that Chris had much of that to begin with. There was a self-satisfied grin on his face as he took in Viktor’s flushed cheeks and the way his eyes kept darting back to where Yuuri was still putting on an impressive show in the centre of the room, encouraged by the cheering of the crowds.

Viktor wasn’t sure whether he should thank Chris on bended knees or curse him for calling Viktor down to the party. Seeing Yuuri, almost naked and bending himself into impossible positions on a pole was like a gift sent down from heaven but it was also the worst kind of torture because Viktor loved him and Viktor wanted him and he was still no closer than he had ever been to making either of those two dreams into a reality. Yuuri was like a forbidden fruit, perfect and tempting but still so very far out of his reach.

“Don’t say I’m not good to you Viktor.” Chris joked, slinging an arm around Viktor’s shoulder and laughing at the look of shocked awe that Viktor knew was still plastered across his face. “You might be an idiot for falling for the one person you’re never going to get but who am I to deny you such a spectacular sight. He’s certainly putting on quite the show isn’t he?”

There was no way on earth that Viktor was ever going to deny that statement of fact. The Yuuri he had fallen in love with from afar was kind and honest, a little shy and reserved. But the Yuuri in front of him now was nothing like that and Viktor would be lying through his teeth if he didn’t say that he wasn’t already completely enamoured with this new side of Yuuri he had just discovered too. Overflowing with confidence and sexuality and completely comfortable in his ability to draw the eye of every person in the room. Viktor could almost feel the desire from everyone who was watching Yuuri, the lust in the eyes that watching him with dark gazes. Every new part of Yuuri that he saw just made him fall even more in love with the other man and this particular aspect was also fuelling the other side of love that was far from innocent.

In the centre of the room Yuuri swung himself forward again, the pole clamped tight between his thighs with one hand gripping it loosely, the other extended forwards. The quick change in position caused him to face the doorway for the first time and Viktor could feel the second that their eyes locked from across the room, a spark of electricity dancing in the air and making every hair on his body stand on end.

Yuuri’s face contorted in an instant, eyes narrowing and mouth twisting into an almost snarl as he called something sharp and harsh in an unfamiliar language across the room, eyes still looking directly at Viktor. Despite not understanding a single one of the few words that Yuuri had just said, from the tone and his accusatory pointing finger Viktor was pretty sure that the words would translate into something very similar to a version of ‘you’ that was very far from polite. Instinctively he turned around, checking to see if there was anyone behind him that Yuuri might be referring to but all he was met with was the solid wood of the closed door behind him.

Beside him, Chris had started sniggering and Viktor turned back around hesitantly, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible. Every eye in the room had simultaneously turned to him and he swallowed again, praying that they would all turn away because this was not a conversation he wanted to have in public.

“Hi Yuuri.” he said meekly and Yuuri’s eyes flashed dangerously as he glared at Viktor, still balancing on the pole with his hair slicked back and his eyes dark, extended hand pointing damningly towards Viktor himself. Aside from a few words from the top of a podium they hadn’t actually held a single conversation in years and from the way that Yuuri was looking at him he could tell immediately that this one wasn’t off to a good start.

Ignoring his hesitant words of greeting Yuuri snapped out another tumbled string of syllables in the same foreign language as his first. Japanese, Viktor presumed. Through both hard work and natural talent Viktor had picked up several languages fluently in his time competing but Japanese had never been one of them. There were a few phrases he had learned, simple questions and answers and a handful of compliments but nowhere near enough yet to be able to understand the quick fire words that Yuuri was tossing his way.

If he had had the time he would have taken several moments to admire the way the words sounded as they flowed from the mouth of the other man but every eye in the room was still either fixed on him or on the man who was currently yelling at him while still suspended mostly naked from a pole and it wasn’t really the time.

At Viktor’s lack of response Yuuri yelled something else that sounded suspiciously like a series of insults and Viktor’s crisis over exactly how to respond was suddenly broken when Chris grabbed him by the back of his shirt and shoved him forward, sending him staggering into the centre of the room to where Yuuri was still balanced.

Looking around a little helplessly he sent Chris a pleading gaze but Chris was too busy laughing at him to be of any help. Regardless, Viktor was pretty sure that he didn’t speak Japanese and from the confused look of everyone else in the room, none of them seemed to either. After a quick glance around it seemed that none of Yuuri’s Japanese teammates were present at the party and there seemed to be no-one to act as a translator to help him figure out just what Yuuri was still yelling at him, words harsh and angry.

“Um…sorry?” he tried, still not sure what Yuuri was saying or what he was apologising for but hoping it would appease the irate man all the same. Instead the words seemed to have the opposite effect and Yuuri moved suddenly, half flipping and half sliding down off the pole to land unsteadily on the floor in front of Viktor. It was only as he did so that Viktor noticed the hazy look in Yuuri’s eyes and the way he wobbled as though the floor was moving under him.

Yuuri was drunk. Incredibly drunk to the point that it seemed like standing up was a challenge and Viktor only had a second to feel impressed at how skilfully Yuuri had been pulling off the pole dancing moves just minutes before with the level of blood alcohol content that he must have to put him in such a state before Yuuri lurched suddenly and stumbled forwards, right into Viktor’s arms.

Catching him on instinct, Viktor grunted a little at the unexpected weight that had just crashed into him, trying to hold Yuuri upright as the other man’s legs gave out and he rested his entire body weight in Viktor’s arms. From somewhere behind him Viktor heard the electronic click of a phone camera and he turned around to glare at Chris who just gave him a wink and a jaunty thumbs up as he angled his phone for another shot.

Deciding to ignore Chris for the moment, Viktor turned back to Yuuri who was still slumped in his arms, glaring up at Viktor, mumbling something in Japanese and poking Viktor sharply in the chest, the words still incomprehensible to Viktor’s ears.

The noise of the room had started to pick back up again, the party getting back into full swing but there were still a large number of eyes pointing at the two of them, just waiting for the drama that they were sure was about to happen. A very drunk Yuuri Katsuki yelling at his arch nemesis was a great story to watch even if none of the observers could understand the words spoken.

“Yuuri, I can’t understand what you’re saying.” Viktor told the man in his arms, trying to help Yuuri stand upright and only being semi-successful. After some manoeuvring he managed to get Yuuri back on his feet again but the other man ended up clinging to his shoulder, half draped over Viktor as he continued to drunkenly rant at the man he had plastered himself too, feet too unsteady to stand on his own.

“English?” Viktor asked again a little desperately, trying to focus on what Yuuri was saying rather than the feeling of his hot exposed skin pressed up against Viktor’s side. The heat seemed to burn though the thin fabric of Viktor’s shirt and he could feel the blush building up in his cheeks again and the faint tremor of his hands as he tried to figure out where to put them to keep Yuuri standing upright while also not crossing any lines that he definitely should not cross.

Yuuri mumbled something else that was definitely not in English and finally stopped ranting, resting his head on Viktor’s shoulder with a yawn and sounding considerably less angry than he had a few seconds before. Viktor cast his eyes skywards and cursed any deity that might be listening for the situation, holding the man he was in love with into his arms under pretty much the worst circumstances possible.

“Maybe you should take him back to his room.” Chris suggested, coming up to stand next to Viktor and staring appraisingly at the man slumped in his arms. Looking around the room, Viktor could still see the very unsubtle looks people were shooting the two of them, still hoping to see some kind of spectacular fight or argument and he agreed instantly. At some point during his ranting, Yuuri had finally reached the tipping point from being a wild drunk into a sleepy one and he yawned again, still slumped against Viktor’s shoulder and letting Viktor take the majority of his weight as he swayed. Every now and again he tossed another couple of words at Viktor but they sounded as though they had much less bite to them as before.

“Try not to have too much fun while you’re at it.” Chris commented dryly as Viktor passed him, half guiding and half carrying Yuuri as he did so. In response Viktor shot him a dirty look and vowed to make him pay for that comment later. There was no way that Chris didn’t know what it was doing to Viktor, having a mostly naked and sweaty Yuuri draped over him while under no circumstances being allowed to touch like he so desperately wanted. Yuuri was far too drunk for anything he said or did to count as any kind of consent, verbal or otherwise, and Viktor made sure that the arm he was using to support Yuuri was wrapped around the back of the other skater’s open shirt, keeping him upright and nothing more.

“Here, take these.” Chris added, holding out what looked to be a pair of glasses and a keycard for one of the hotel rooms. “He dropped these earlier in the night and I thought he’d probably want them to be kept safe for when he woke up in the morning.”

Nodding his thanks, Viktor took the offered items with the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Yuuri’s waist and gently guided the other man out of the room, stopping as Yuuri stumbled over his own feet, still letting Viktor take the majority of his weight. As they walked Yuuri became more and more pliant, allowing Viktor to take the lead with much less protest than he had been expecting.

After getting yelled at for several minutes straight, regardless of whether he could understand the words or not, Viktor was pretty sure that the worst of Yuuri’s animosity towards him probably hadn’t died down like he had begun to think. Regardless of what Yuuri said to him on the podium, his actions afterwards and at the party indicated that his dislike of Viktor was just as strong as ever and Viktor wanted to sigh in frustration at the thoughts.

Every time he thought there might be a chance to make progress with Yuuri the other man did something else confusing and contradictory and Viktor had no idea what to make of his actions. All he wanted to do was ask Yuuri about it, to finally understand why the man seemed to hate him so much when he kept sending such confusing signals. But Yuuri was drunk and not in any state to be answering questions so Viktor resigned himself to living in confusion for a little while longer.

Together they made their way down the corridors of the building and into the lift, Viktor checking the number on Yuuri’s hotel key card before pressing the button for the right floor. Beside him Yuuri sagged, seeming to have given up yelling at Viktor in favour of letting himself be hauled back to his room in silence.

When the lift stopped he stumbled out at Viktor’s prompting but barely made it a few steps down the hall before his legs gave out again, causing Viktor to have to hastily catch him to prevent Yuuri sliding to the floor completely. Yuuri was definitely incredibly drunk and Viktor eyed the length of the corridor warily, aware of just how far away Yuuri’s room still was and not sure if the other skater was going to make it even with Viktor supporting him.

“Yuuri, can you stand?” he asked, looking down at where Yuuri had gone mostly limp in his arms. Turning to look at Viktor, Yuuri blinked up at him and Viktor tried desperately not to notice how pretty his eyes looked, wide and sparkling under the light of the lamps in the corridor. For a second Yuuri tried to stand again and before wobbling and dropping down again, Viktor's arm the only thing stopping him from landing in a heap on the floor.

Sounding affronted, Yuuri made a huffed noise of displeasure, scrunching his nose up as he glared down at his legs as though they had personally betrayed him and Viktor couldn’t help the smile that broke out across his face at how adorable the expression looked. He was trying as hard as he could to keep this strictly professional, just one skater helping out another, but Yuuri was making it very difficult.

Realising that Yuuri wasn’t going to be standing again any time soon he carefully considered his options, few as they were. Yuuri hadn’t exactly seemed happy to see him when he had walked into the party and the situation was less than ideal but the other man seemed to have stopped protesting to Viktor’s presence at least and there really was only one thing that was going to work if he wanted to get Yuuri safely back to his room and not passed out in the corridor.

“Yuuri, I think I’m going to have to carry you.” he said into the silence of the hallway, hoping that Yuuri would either agree or find the balance to stand again on his own. When neither of those two things happened he looked into Yuuri’s eyes, searching for some kind of either agreement or protest. Instead he found none, Yuuri’s vision had slid out of focus again and his eyes were far away and not focused on Viktor at all.

Hesitantly, Viktor slid his free arm under Yuuri’s legs, waiting for a second to see if Yuuri would protest before lifting him up to rest securely against Viktor’s chest. The change position put a new strain on his arms, Yuuri might be smaller than him but he was still strong and well-built, but Viktor pushed it away easily, hoisting Yuuri a little higher to get a better grip and holding his close. The last thing he wanted to do was to drop Yuuri on top of everything else.

Despite his animosity towards Viktor earlier, Yuuri didn’t seem to mind the sudden change in position too much. Instead he simply wound his arms around Viktor’s neck and buried his face into his shoulder, muttering something else that Viktor couldn’t quite make out.

Viktor decided in that moment that the entire universe was clearly against him. There was probably someone up there laughing at him in that moment, finding great amusement at making his life infinitely harder than it already was.

After years of wanting to touch Yuuri, to be close to him, he finally had him in his arms. Yuuri’s skin was smooth against his and his body was a warm weight curled up against Viktor’s chest. On his shoulder, Viktor could feel the hot puffs of air as Yuuri breathed and his hair was soft as it ticked the skin of Viktor’s neck. It was like one of Viktor’s dreams come to life except it wasn’t a dream, it was a nightmare. Because Yuuri hated him and probably would still hate him come the morning and the tiny taste of what having Yuuri would be like would make the change back so much harder when the new day dawned.

Contemplating just how unfair this new twist of fate was on his already frantically beating heart Viktor carried Yuuri down the length of the corridor, counting off the room numbers until he was faced with the match to the keycard Chris had thrust into his hands a few minutes before. Shifting his grip on Yuuri a little to free up one of his hands he slipped the thin sheet of plastic into the lock and watched as the light went green. With the same hand he pushed the door of the room open, stepping through with Yuuri still cradled in his grip.

Viktor barely had time to take in the room however, almost identical to his own, before a sharp tug and a flash of pain interrupted his thoughts and caused him to jerk his head down to stare at Yuuri in disbelief, letting out an undignified yelp as he did so.

“Did you just…pull my hair?” he asked incredulously, gazing down at where Yuuri was indeed holding a strand of silver between his fingers, playing with it absentmindedly. From the look on his face it didn’t seem like Yuuri had done it to hurt deliberately but he was still clumsily toying with the lock of Viktor’s hair like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. 

“It’s nice.” Yuuri mumbled and Viktor nearly dropped him in shock. Partly because Yuuri had finally spoken in English for the first time that night and partly because the statement was so unexpected that Viktor could almost believe that he had imagined it. Yuuri pulled at the lock of hair again, more gently this time, admiring the way the moonlight spilling through the window made it shine slightly in the darkness.

“You…like my hair?” Viktor asked in disbelief, wanting to check that he had heard the statement correctly. Getting complimented by a very drunk Yuuri Katsuki had not been how he had expected his evening to end at all but he certainly wasn’t complaining.

Yuuri gave a soft hum of agreement but his face quickly morphed into a frown again when he ran a hand through the hair at the side of Viktor’s head, looking displeased when the strands dropped from his grasp after less than a second.

“It’s short.” he said, sounding put out and Viktor could do nothing but nod a little helplessly, still with absolutely no idea what was going on.

“I liked...” Yuuri frowned a little at the words, seeming to struggle with what he was trying to say. “You used to have…long hair. I liked…” he trailed off again, seeming to lose his train of thought and going back to playing with the lock of hair still caught between his fingers.

Viktor couldn’t help the little pleased thrill that ran through him at the words. It wasn’t exactly a compliment but it was probably the nicest thing that Yuuri had ever said to him and he couldn’t help but enjoy the strange sort of praise.

Noticing the strain beginning to build in his arms after carrying Yuuri’s weight for so long he made his way over to the bed in the centre of the room, trying not to react to the way that Yuuri’s fingers had changed from playing with his hair to running light trails over his neck. Even then, he couldn’t help but slightly take advantage of the unexpected opportunity presented to him.

“Is there anything else you like about me Yuuri?” he joked as he set Yuuri gently down on the bed, unwinding the other man’s arms from around his neck and trying to make sure that Yuuri wasn’t going to roll straight off the moment he let go. As soon as his arms were free Yuuri reached up again, not wrapping them around Viktor’s neck this time but cupping his cheeks, running his thumbs over the skin there and staring up at Viktor, gaze intense.

“Your eyes.” he said, the words slurred but clearly audible all the same. “You have…pretty eyes.” Viktor nearly tripped over the bed in surprise but Yuuri didn’t seem to notice. “I’ve always liked your eyes…”

Viktor swallowed heavily, trying not to let the emotions suddenly flooding through him show on his face. While depositing Yuuri on the bed he had ended up crouched over him, one knee resting on the mattress and the other foot balancing on the floor and it was only then that his brain decided to register just what a compromising position it was, with Yuuri lying beneath him, hands still warm on Viktor’s face.

He was just about to reach up and gently pry Yuuri’s hands off him when Yuuri’s fingers moved, one hand sliding down from Viktor’s cheek to touch softly at his lips, dragging the lower one down slightly as he did so. Yuuri’s eyes had followed his fingers and he was staring at Viktor’s mouth intently, gaze flickering for a fraction of a second to meet Viktor’s own before returning to his lips again. The look in his eyes was one that Viktor was very familiar with and he wanted nothing more than to reach down and touch Yuuri’s own lips in return, run his fingers along them and then claim them with his mouth, to feel the way that Yuuri would gasp and melt at the touch.

But he couldn’t. Instead he hastily pulled away, breaking the contact and allowing Yuuri’s hands to fall back onto the bed as he stood up and took a step away, breathing a little shaky. Yuuri was drunk, very, very drunk and in no state to be making any kind of rational decisions and Viktor would rather die than take advantage of that.

In front of him Yuuri made a displeased little noise at the loss of contact, frowning up at Viktor and the sudden distance between them. Viktor sighed, running a hand over his face to clear his head and taking a few deep breaths, wondering how his life had somehow ended up like this.

After a few seconds he looked back at Yuuri again, still lying on the bed and staring at him with eyes that seemed far too innocent for what he had just done. Moving towards the bed again Viktor set Yuuri’s glasses and keycard on the bedside table where they would be within easy reach before reaching for Yuuri again, pulling up the covers of the bed so that they were covering him completely. There was a slight chill in the air and he didn’t want Yuuri to get cold during the night. For a second he wondered if maybe he should help Yuuri out of his crooked tie and unbuttoned shirt as well but decided against it. From the way Yuuri was acting, he was pretty sure the other man was going to have little to no memory of the night come morning and waking up in nothing but his underwear with no memory might panic him.

Yuuri let out a pleased hum at the actions and snuggled down into the warmth of the bed, seeming to have lost the power of speech again. Viktor allowed himself a few seconds to gaze at the sight before he turned and slipped quickly into the adjacent bathroom, filling up one of the glasses sitting on the side with water and returning to the room to set it by Yuuri’s beside. There was probably nothing at this point that was going to stop Yuuri from getting a horrific hangover come the morning but the water would help at least.

Finally he turned to look at Yuuri one last time. His gaze was still fixed on Viktor but his eyelids had begun to droop as the combined effects of a strenuous day and excessive alcohol lulled him into sleep. If Viktor was going to place bets, he would guess that Yuuri was going to be fully unconscious within the next few minutes and he used the time to make his escape, shutting the door of the room softly behind him and taking a few deep, calming breaths before making his way back down the corridor beyond.

That had certainly not been how he had been expecting the evening to go.

After years of keeping his distance from Yuuri, unexpectedly being forced to carry the very drunk and so far unrequited object of his affections back to his room wasn’t exactly how he would have guessed their first real interaction since that one fateful day in the bathroom was going to go. The drunk and very cuddly object of his affections who had, admittedly after several minutes of yelling and general hostility beforehand, curled up into Viktor’s arms and played with his hair, complimented his eyes and looked very much like he was going to try and kiss Viktor before Viktor pulled away.

As he walked a little dazedly back to the room where the party was being held, Viktor turned the thoughts over in his head, trying to make sense of them. Firstly, Yuuri had, and presumably still did, strongly disliked Viktor for years for a reason that Viktor still didn’t understand. Disliked him to the point where even being near Viktor made him tense up in unhappiness. And yet when Viktor had been absent for a season he hadn’t been please at all. On the contrary, he had seemed almost angry that Viktor was gone from the competition and had staunchly refused to believe that Viktor might not be coming back.

And when he had retuned Yuuri had acknowledged him with a nod when they had passed each other and jumped a quad flip and Viktor had thought that maybe Yuuri was reaching out to him at last. And on the podium he had seen Viktor admiring him and responded to it. But then he had mocked Viktor the second the cameras were turned away, had yelled words that sounded far from pleasant at him the minute Viktor walked into the party that evening. And then, in a complete turn of events, not minutes later he had drunkenly complimented Viktor and seemed far from opposed to being in his arms and finally had run his fingers across Viktor’s lips with his eyes dark and looked like he had wanted to pull Viktor on top of him and kiss him hard until neither of them could breathe.

Yuuri Katsuki was a study in contradictions and Viktor couldn’t understand him, no matter how hard he tried.

Still lost in thought he hardly paid attention to where his feet were carrying him and it was almost a surprise when ended up back in the room where the party was still in full swing, athletes drunk on alcohol and high on emotions dancing and laughing and filling the crowded room with noise and movement.

Spotting Chris a few meters away Viktor walked over to him, trying to shake the memories out of his mind. A he approached Chris turned, a smile bright on his face that immediately morphed into an assessing look as he took in the expression on Viktor’s face.

“What happened?” he asked immediately, eyes narrowing a little and Viktor shrugged the words off, trying to muster up his usually carefree expression to dismiss his friend’s suspicion. What had just happened with Yuuri wasn’t something he was willing to share. While he trusted Chris above almost anyone else, Yuuri had been drunk and not thinking straight and it would be unfair to share something that he would likely be mortified about come the morning. Provided he even remembered it and there was a very high likelihood that he wouldn’t.

“It’s nothing.” he said instead, forcing the tension to drop from his face and looking pointedly at the phone still grasped in Chris’ hand, eyebrow raised. “You’d better delete that photo now Chris.”

Although it might not just be Chris he had to worry about. There had been plenty of people at the party and he was sure more than a few of them would probably have tried to sneak pictures. From what he had seen, Yuuri was an intensely private person and Viktor couldn’t imagine he would be pleased if any photos of his drunken escapades were leaked online or to the press. Probably even less so if pictures of him swaying in the arms of his long-time rival ended up out in the world too.

As if reading his mind, Chris waved off the concern causally.

“Don’t worry, I made sure all the evidence was deleted as soon as he left. People here know that I probably have far worse on them, nothing about your boy’s hidden talents will leave this room, I can promise you that.”

Chris was notorious in the skating world and in the wider world of sports for being a centre of gossip and having dirt on almost everyone, athlete or not. No-one would dare release any photos of Yuuri if he had threatened to do worse in return and Viktor was very grateful that Chris was on his side.

“I still have the pictures though.” Chris continued with a suggestive look, spinning his phone round in his hand and winking at Viktor. “If you want to take a look, feel free.”

The offer was a very tempting one but Viktor pushed his curiosity down and forced himself to shake his head in response. After what had just happened he needed time to clear his head and looking at pictures of Yuuri stripping on a pole was definitely not the way to do that.

The party going on around them was still in full swing, the morning light not yet creeping through the large windows of the room, but Viktor excused himself quickly and retreated back upstairs as soon as he was able, in no mood to enjoy the rest of the party. He needed to think.

He was in love with Yuuri. He also desired Yuuri, something that had been driven very sharply home by the events of that evening. Both of them were irrefutable facts and ones that he had accepted a long time ago. But Yuuri’s feeling for him had always been a mystery.

In public, he hated Viktor. They were rivals and his dislike was clear for everyone to see. But over a year ago Viktor had watched Yuuri skate his old routine in a deserted Russian ice rink, had seen the love flowing from every move, and had realised that there was a part of Yuuri, no matter how buried that part might be, that didn’t hate him at all. And now he knew something more, another little piece to add to the puzzle that was Yuuri Katsuki.

Yuuri wanted him. Yuuri desired him and it was as clear to Viktor now as Yuuri’s hatred was to the rest of the world. He might have hid it well in public but with his inhibitions lowered by copious amounts of alcohol his intentions had been clear and Viktor knew that, just as there was a part of Yuuri that didn’t hate him, there was a part of Yuuri that wanted him as well. Maybe almost as much as Viktor wanted him in return.

On Yuuri’s part at least, it definitely wasn’t love. Not yet. But it was something at least.

ariksay

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ariksay: Katsuki Yuuri on the Olympic podium #olympics #goldmedal

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pelkatoffel  Hell yes!!!

lovelytitania  I’m so so proud of him, I think I’m gonna cry!

loveprez I’m a Viktor fan but I’ve got to admit, Katsuki’s routine really was beautiful!

The knowledge that Viktor had so unexpectedly learned at the Olympics haunted him in the following weeks, preying on his mind every minute of the day and continued well into the World Championship when he finally had the chance to see Yuuri again.

Part of him had hoped that the other man would seek him out after the Olympics but after his rather spectacular debut into the wild lifestyles most of the athletes enjoyed at the game, Yuuri seemingly vanished again. Viktor wasn’t sure if he was being purposefully elusive because of embarrassment or something similar or if it was just in his nature to remain mysterious to everyone in the sporting world.

Regardless, Viktor hadn’t managed to catch Yuuri at all during the rest of the event but he had returned to St Petersburg filled with a new kind of hope. There might still be some very clear hostility towards him on Yuuri’s part but now he knew that there was a lot more to Yuuri’s feelings towards him than just that. After the Grand Prix Final that season Viktor had decided to finally break the stalemate that he and Yuuri had fallen into over the years and approach the other man and even though it hadn’t quite worked out the way he had been expecting or hoping for, he knew that at the World Championships he would finally get a chance.

During the course of the whole competition he watched Yuuri, trying to figure out when the best moment would be. It seemed that his gold medal at the Olympics had fundamentally changed something in Yuuri and he walked and skated with a confidence that Viktor had never seen in him before. A surety in himself and his own abilities that carried him effortlessly through the skating.

Viktor was hardly surprised when he won. His own routine was good, fantastic even but Yuuri’s was truly something else and Viktor was almost too distracted by Yuuri to really concentrate on his own skating. It was everything he had been looking forward to for so many years, finally seeing Yuuri skating at his peak in both technical and presentation ability with the confidence to pull them both off flawlessly. And on top of that, finally getting the series of signals that he needed, mixed though they were, that told him it was time to try and talk to Yuuri again.

While Viktor was distracted however, Yakov was not and he focused on Viktor’s skating with a harshly critical eye, pointing out every tiny flaw and berating Viktor for losing yet another gold to Yuuri. Viktor could understand his worry, well-hidden as it was beneath the anger. He was famous and very well-liked but losing the gold to the same person twice in a row wasn’t good for his image. The perceived rivalry between him and Yuuri might have driven both of their popularity and fame up tenfold but it also carried with it an expectation and his fans and sponsors alike were not happy that he seemed to be losing his edge.

Viktor hardly cared. There was a thrill to losing, to finally having a competitor who was able to truly challenge him, and he knew that it would push him to work harder, be better when the next season rolled around. Yakov had no need to worry, he wasn’t falling into a decline. Next season he would be even better with the challenge of Yuuri to motivate him. Yakov’s words were coming from a place of good intentions but Viktor shook them off easily, not wanted to think too hard about skating.

Instead he abandoned Yakov during the banquet after the competition was done, leaving him alone to make small-talk with the various sponsors and officials who were milling around the room while Viktor slipped away, eyes searching the room for the face he knew so well.

Eventually he spotted Yuuri over by the drinks table, back turned to the room and taking small sips out of a champagne glass. There was no-one around him and Viktor knew he was never going to get a better opportunity than the one just presented to him.

Suddenly feeling nervous he tried to think of how best to approach Yuuri, of what to say to start off a conversation that he had been wanting for so long. It still felt like a minefield trying to approach Yuuri, the tiniest things that Viktor couldn’t even see seeming to set him off and flipping him instantly into animosity.

There was classical music playing lightly in the background, a simple waltz that had prompted many couples in the room to start spilling out onto the dance floor. The music sounded vaguely familiar and suddenly Viktor was struck with an idea.

Years ago he had danced out on the ice to a waltz with an invisible partner, an invisible rival matching his every move. And years after that Yuuri had done the exact same thing, dancing to a similar dark waltz out on the ice with each of his moves mirrored by someone that only he could see, matching Viktor perfectly.

They were both dancers, could both see beauty in movement and grace and their styles complimented each other beautifully, not identical but in harmony all the same. Asking Yuuri to dance seemed like the best way to approach the other man, something easy that they could both do in neutral territory while Viktor could work out just what to say to convince Yuuri to finally let his walls down. Viktor knew he was known for being a little spontaneous but it seemed like as good a plan as any.

Licking his lips a little nervously, Viktor made his way across the crowded room to where Yuuri was standing, dodging around the people still milling around and coming to a halt behind Yuuri.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked, wincing as the words came out a little rushed and stumbling. Yuuri’s head whipped around and his eyes widened as he took in the sight of Viktor standing behind him.

“Um…excuse me?” Yuuri stuttered, sounding surprised and Viktor hoped it hadn’t been the wrong thing to ask. It had seemed like a good idea at the time but watching Yuuri’s bewildered expression he suddenly wasn’t sure.

But he wasn’t a living legend in figure skating for nothing and he wasn’t going to back down just because there was a slight hitch in his admittedly not that well thought out plan. Persistence was one of his most well-used traits, or pig-headedness if you asked Yakov which Viktor rarely did, and so he tried again, hoping he had made his offer clear enough.

“Would you like to dance?” he said again, and then rushed to clarify. “With me.” he added, clearing his throat a little had how stilted and unlike him the words sounded. “Would you like to dance with me?”

It wasn’t exactly his smoothest line but there was something about Yuuri that made the words catch in his throat, made him feel like a stuttering teenager all over again.

“Dance. With you?” Yuuri asked, sounding incredulous and Viktor felt his heart drop. He had hoped that Yuuri would take him up on the offer but the way Yuuri said the words make it sound like dancing with Viktor was the absolute last thing he wanted.

Disheartened but not deterred he offered Yuuri his hand and to his surprise Yuuri took it, his fingers warm in Viktor’s grip. Although he had been hoping for that exact outcome, from the way Yuuri had reacted he had been sure that Yuuri was going to refuse. But instead he went with Viktor willing, allowing himself to be lead out onto the dance floor amidst the other spinning couples.

Viktor took a second to admire the way that Yuuri looked, suit well cut and accentuating the lines of his body well, even if the hideous tie that he was wearing did ruin the look somewhere. Unlike when he skated, his hair was loose around his face and Viktor had the sudden urge to run his hands through it, to feel the soft strands beneath his fingers.

Instead he restrained himself as Yuuri placed his free hand on Viktor’s shoulder, shooting the other man a questioning look before putting his own around Yuuri’s waist. It was the traditional position for the dance they were about to do but that didn’t stop the little thrill of excitement from running through Viktor at the feeling of Yuuri’s body beneath his touch.

As the music hit a new beat Yuuri took a step forward and Viktor moved back instinctively at the same time, starting the dance in perfect step. Yuuri moved with the same confidence that he did out on the ice, although Viktor could see the way his eyes flicked to the couple surrounding him, the slight hesitancy in his step as though the dance was an unfamiliar one. Instinctively, Viktor took the lead, guiding Yuuri through the motions. Ballroom was one of the dance styles that had been drilled into him as a child as part of his training and he knew the moves well. 

Just like Viktor had predicted they danced well together, each step in perfect harmony. It made sense, Viktor had been skating for Yuuri for years now and some part of Yuuri’s skating had held a part of Viktor too. Translating that to the dancefloor was as easy as breathing and they spun around the room almost effortlessly, Viktor leading and Yuuri following, never missing a beat.

For years Viktor had dreamed of the moment when he and Yuuri would finally be together without any hostility between them and now it was finally a reality and the thought made him smile under the gleam of the lights as they danced. There was still a lot to sort out between them but dancing together was a good first step, much better than a cut-short conversation in a bathroom, a confusing few minutes after the Olympic skate or a drunken moment. He almost opened his mouth to compliment Yuuri on his dancing, hoping the flattery would give him an opening into other, more serious topics but Yuuri beat him to it.

“Your routine was very good today.” he told Viktor, looking up from under his eyelashes, a slight smirk playing on his face and Viktor was so caught up in trying to calm down his racing heart at the compliment that he almost missed the second half of the sentence.

“It was worthy of second place.”

The words were like ice water pour unceremoniously over his head and Viktor could feel himself stumble as his missed a beat in the music for the first time, the insult disguised as a compliment still ringing in his ears.

Yuuri had accepted his offer to dance, had looked up at him with eyes filled with a certain kind of intent and Viktor had thought they were at least beginning to head in the right direction before Yuuri flipped the whole encounter on its head again and drove all the words Viktor had been planning to say straight out of his head.

Swallowing down his disappointment he tried to keep his face neutral as he replied.

““Thank you. Your performance was excellent as well. You must enjoy winning the gold.”

They weren’t the words he wanted to say but they were the only ones he could think of that wouldn’t sound hurt to either of their ears.

He couldn’t understand Yuuri. Couldn’t understand him even though he wanted to. Viktor wanted a lot of things. He wanted Yuuri not to hate him, or at least to tell Viktor why he seemed to dislike him for an unknown reason so that Viktor could go about fixing it. He wanted to kiss Yuuri, to make him laugh. To make Yuuri smile at him the way he smiled at everyone who wasn’t Viktor.

Yuuri was beautiful and kind and all the other things that had made Viktor fall for him over the years but he also had a sharp tongue and a sharper smile that seemed to be reserved solely for Viktor and it made Viktor want to bang his head against the wall because he knew that he wasn’t always good at reading people but he was sure that Yuuri was giving him signals so mixed that no-one could possibly begin to figure them out.

“I do.” Yuuri replied, eyes narrowing and he stared at Viktor.

They were still dancing, still spinning gracefully around the room and on one of their turns they passed under a glittering chandelier, the refracted light dancing across Yuuri’s face and highlighting the blush that suddenly appeared across his cheeks. The light flush of colour complimented his face well and Viktor stared at it, the insult momentarily forgotten. He wasn’t sure what it was that had caused Yuuri to blush so unexpectedly but it certainly wasn’t unwelcome.

Under Viktor’s gaze, Yuuri’s eyes darkened, flickering to Viktor’s face and back down again with the pupils blown wide. Viktor knew that expression, had been on the receiving end of it many times before and despite the fact that Yuuri had just very deliberately insulted him he was pretty sure he could guess at the way the other skater’s thoughts had turned. It didn’t mean he understood the cause of the switched but the want that had filled Yuuri’s gaze was much more pleasant than the mockery of a few seconds before.

Sensing the hostility drop from Yuuri’s frame Viktor decided that he had to speak now or risk even more frustrating confusion.  

“Yuuri,” he began, determined to finally ask. He needed to know why Yuuri acted the way he did, why he was hot one minute and cold the next and what Viktor could do to make him happy and not hate him anymore. “Why...”

Just as he was about to speak another couple stumbled into them, knocking them both off balance from where they had come to a complete standstill in the centre of the room and causing Yuuri to drop Viktor’s hand abruptly. Instantly Yuuri’s eyes closed off and he wrenched himself away from Viktor, brushing aside the words before Viktor had even the slightest chance to try again.

“I need something to drink.” He muttered as he walked away, body hunched and eyes guarded, completely shut off and unapproachable again. Closing his eyes briefly in frustration, Viktor followed him knowing that, once again, something he had said had caused Yuuri to shut down completely. It seemed that no matter how much Viktor might want to talk about the mysterious root of the animosity that Yuuri had held against him for so long, Yuuri definitely didn’t.

Slipping through the crowds with ease, Yuuri made his way over to the drinks table again, Viktor following in his wake. When they reach it, Viktor grabbed a glass for himself although Yuuri waved away the other one he offered with his free hand. Instead he just grabbed a glass of water from the untouched line that was sitting next to the rows of alcohol before turning swiftly away and stalking towards the doors that lead out of the room and into the corridor beyond.

For a second Viktor thought that he was going to simply leave but instead he turned, looking back towards Viktor with a raised eyebrow and a challenge in his gaze, daring Viktor to follow. Yuuri’s eyes were full of suggestion and promise and he looked unfairly beautiful in the golden glow of the warm lights scattered across the room and Viktor had never been good at ignoring his impulses.

Hastily he gulped down the glass of champagne, setting it back down on the table and following Yuuri out of the room. Yuuri might have cut the conversation short but the look he had given Viktor implied that he was looking for something else entirely and Viktor was helpless but to obey.

He wanted to talk to Yuuri, wanted to sort things out between them. But he also wanted Yuuri, he had for a long time and it only grew worse with each passing day until the desire to run his hands across Yuuri’s skin, to capture Yuuri’s lips between his teeth and to press them both close together until they could never let go drowned out almost everything else. 

The two opposing desires warred within him as he followed Yuuri out of the room, the cool air of the corridor hitting him as soon as he stepped outside the doors and away from the hot oppressiveness of the banquet. Yuuri clearly didn’t want to talk but from the way he looked at Viktor, the way he led him out into the complete privacy of the deserted hallway, there was definitely something that he still wanted and Viktor wanted it too, wanted him too.

Out in the corridor, Yuuri was standing with his back against the wall, his head tilted back as he drained the liquid from his glass. The movement highlighted the long, smooth line of his throat and Viktor could feel the spark that was always burning within him whenever Yuuri was near flare hotter at the sight. Yuuri might still not like him, he had made that much clear just a few minutes ago, but there were layers and confusions and mysteries to his dislike and standing out above them all was the desire that had flashed in his eyes when he looked at Viktor, the lure that Viktor couldn’t help but follow.

Standing awkwardly by the door Viktor could feel the turmoil of his thoughts, the rational knowledge that he needed to talk things out with Yuuri properly at war with the need to simply touch Yuuri, to do whatever the other man wanted and finally give in to the desire that had been burning in him for what felt like forever.

Noticing Viktor standing by the door Yuuri half turned towards him, the familiar smirk dancing across his face as he lifted his glass in a mocking toast. It was a challenge and Viktor had never been one to back down from a challenge.

Yuuri didn’t want to talk. He was looking for something much simpler than that, daring Viktor with his eyes and actions to follow through and Viktor could feel the decision being made in his own mind in an instant, almost without thought.

They could talk later. For now Yuuri was looking at him with eyes alight with promise and it might be impulsive but Viktor hardly cared because he had been being impulsive for his whole life and it had always worked out fine in the end. Yuuri wanted something very simple from him and he might not be allowed to tell Yuuri how he felt but he could show him. Actions were easy, in a way that words never were.

The spark in his chest roared instantly into a flame and he took a few steps forward on instinct, reaching out to grab Yuuri by the shoulders and push him back against the wall before finally claiming Yuuri’s mouth for his own and losing himself in the feeling.

The action had been much rougher than he had intended, his frustration at still not being able to fully figure Yuuri out mixing with the desperate passion that he had been holding back for too long and culminating in a kiss that was hot and rough and desperate. Intense and needy and simultaneously nothing like Viktor had intended and everything that he wanted.

Distantly he noticed the glass that Yuuri had been holding rolling away across the floor beside them as it was knocked out of Yuuri’s hand but the thought was driven out of his mind instantly as Yuuri kissed back, matching Viktor’s desperation perfectly and fuelling the fire that was burning in Viktor chest even hotter until he felt like it was going to consume him from the inside out.

Revelling in the feeling of finally being able to touch Yuuri in the way he had so desperately wanted, Viktor slid one of his hands down the length of Yuuri’s body to clutch at his hip and he could feel Yuuri sigh into his mouth and relax into his touch, kissing back with a fierceness that he usually reserved for when he was out on the ice and making the whole world bend to his will.

Yuuri hadn’t been responding to Viktor’s attempts to talk, had been shutting him down at every turn for years but he was certainly responding to Viktor’s kiss and it was better than Viktor ever could have imagined. So much had been building up to that one moment and finally the damn had burst and everything that Viktor had been bottling up inside came pouring out in a wave, unstoppable and carrying everything but his desire away with it.

For a few seconds they stayed like that, kissing hard with Yuuri pinned up against the wall by Viktor’s hands. But suddenly Viktor felt Yuuri shift beneath him and before he could think he was being spun around and slammed up against the wall in turn, the impact softened by the way that Yuuri’s lips found their way back to his almost instantly. Making Viktor sigh in pleasure and relief that finally, after years of wanting, he finally had something in return. Not everything, not the closeness in every sense of the word that he had been dreaming of but the first small fraction, the rest hopefully eventually following in its wake.

Still slightly in awe of the feeling of Yuuri’s body pressed against his, of finally being allowed to touch freely after being denied for so long, Viktor let his hand slide up from where it had been resting on Yuuri’s hip to caress the bare skin under his shirt, each touch leaving little burning trails of heat as they went. Yuuri made a noise of pleasure at the action and pressed them both closer, kissing harder and Viktor wanted to stay like that forever, lost in Yuuri’s touch and his taste and the feeling of Yuuri being utterly and completely his.

But he wanted more and he knew that Yuuri did too and now there was absolutely nothing stopping them. Using the hand that was still caressing Yuuri’s bare skin his pushed Yuuri away slightly, breaking the kiss and resting his forehead against Yuuri’s own so that he was looking deep into Yuuri’s eyes and could see the tangled mix of lust and emotion that was glowing within them.

“My room. It’s just upstairs.” He breathed, knowing that the implication would be read loud and clear. If Yuuri declined he wouldn’t be disappointed, just kissing was perfect enough as it was and distantly Viktor was aware that they were moving far faster than was probably wise and with much less talking than was probably safe. But caught up in the moment he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He had wanted people before, had kissed people before, had slept with people before but none of it had ever even come close to what he was feeling as looked at Yuuri. No-one was like Yuuri. No-one could ever compare.

For a second it looked like Yuuri might decline and Viktor almost dismissed his earlier suggestion and pulled Yuuri back into a kiss, content to go along with whatever Yuuri wanted but before he could Yuuri gave a short sharp nod and pulled back, dragging Viktor with him away from the wall to stand  in the empty corridor. One of his hands was clamped tight around Viktor’s wrist and Viktor used the contact to tug Yuuri along after him as he moved, down the hallway and to the gleaming metal doors that stood at its end.

Hastily he hit the button and to his relief the doors slid open instantly, revealing the cool interior of the lift beyond. Feeling the impatience start to grow within him he tugged Yuuri inside and allowed the doors to slide closed behind them, pressing the button from his floor quickly before turning back to Yuuri again. There was barely time for him to breathe before Yuuri’s hands were clasping his face in a tight grip and his lips were on Viktor’s again, bruising but still blissfully perfect.

Yuuri kissed hard and fast, all lips and teeth and tongue, a little clumsy but Viktor was a very long way from caring. Just being able to touch Yuuri was enough, to run his hands over Yuuri’s skin and lick up into his mouth and the responsive little noises that Yuuri made at the actions made him shiver with pleasure. Viktor deepened the kiss, trying to draw out more of the sounds and Yuuri responded on instinct, gasping and panting and clutching at the back of Viktor’s shirt with his nails digging little grooves into the skin beneath.

It almost seemed like no time had passed when the doors finally slid open again, Viktor far too caught up in kissing Yuuri to notice almost anything else. Since Yuuri was the one with his back to the sliding doors he stepped out first, dragging Viktor out along with him and Viktor went willingly, his hands finding Yuuri’s hips again and pulling him into another deep kiss.

The hotel room that he was staying in was only a few meters away but he could barely keep his hands off Yuuri long enough to get there. Eventually they stumbled into the doorway, Viktor clumsily unlocking the door and swinging it open, backing Yuuri into the room and kicking the door shut behind them.

The feeling of Yuuri’s skin against his was far too intoxicating and he fumbled at the buttons of Yuuri’s shirt as Yuuri dropped his jacket behind him, determined to expose more skin for his eager touch. Yuuri kissed him hard as his did so and Viktor couldn’t help but make a pleased noise of his own as he revelled in the feeling.

Running one of his hands up Yuuri’s side Viktor continued to undo the buttons of his shirt with the other, successfully opening a few after much effort but not nearly enough for his tastes and his desperate, burning desire.

Nimble hands ran though Viktor’s hair as he worked, fingers tightening in the strands and tugging almost to the point of pain. Distantly he registered Yuuri kicking off his shoes and quickly he did the same, almost tripping when Yuuri grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and spun him around so that his back hit the wall behind him.

The movement sent another little thrill of pleasure sparking though Viktor. He was willing to go with whatever Yuuri desired and if he wanted to play it a little rough then Viktor was happy to comply.

Feeling the hands slid out of his hair, Viktor almost mourned at the loss before they went to work quickly unbuttoning his shirt instead, Yuuri’s fingers much faster and more skilled than his own at the task. In seconds he had undone Viktor’s shirt completely and he broke the kiss to run his hands over the exposed skin there, the action making Viktor shiver and gasp under the touch.

Everything had moved so fast in a whirlwind of heat and sensation and the raw feeling of bodies pressed against each other and Viktor was desperate to touch more, to feel more, to do more. The feeling of Yuuri’s hands sliding possessively over his skin had unlocked something in him and his hands found Yuuri’s hips again in an instant, pushing him backwards towards the bed in the centre of the room and using the momentum and his strength to throw him back onto the mattress before climbing on to join him.

Yuuri was lying sprawled out on the bed, hair a mess, shirt hanging half open and his lips red raw from all the kissing. He was beautiful, as beautiful as he ever was on the ice. Even more so because out there he had the attention of thousands but here the sight of him was no-one’s but Viktor’s.

Remembering the way that Yuuri had touched him that night after the Olympics, many weeks before, Viktor raised a hand and cupped the side of Yuuri’s face, running a finger over his kiss-bitten lips. Back then he hadn’t been able to kiss Yuuri but now Yuuri was here and clear-headed and he wanted it just as badly as Viktor did and that feeling was almost as intoxicating as the sight of Yuuri beneath him was.

Leaning down to kiss Yuuri again Viktor went back to trying to undo the buttons of Yuuri’s shirt, frustration bubbling within him when they remained firmly closed. He had never been good at waiting and he wanted Yuuri now. With a noise of annoyance directed at the offending item of clothing he gave up on trying to undo the buttons altogether, instead simply ripping the shirt open and sending the buttons that had caused such problems skittering away from them both. Part of him felt a little guilty at ruining what looked to be a perfectly acceptable, if slightly cheap, shirt but he would make it up to Yuuri in the morning. There were plenty of shirts in his wardrobe that he would happily allow Yuuri to take in return. He would give Yuuri the whole wardrobe if he asked for it.

Wanting to get rid of the clothing that was still hiding the majority of Yuuri’s skin from him, Viktor slid his hand to cup the back of Yuuri’s neck, gently drawing him upwards from his horizontal position on the bed so that Yuuri could slid the fabric off his shoulder and discard it carelessly. The ugly blue tie that Viktor had been eyeing with distaste earlier he tugged off Yuuri as quickly as he could, tossing it to one side and hoping that it would be lost come the morning.

Lying beneath him Yuuri looked stunning. Face flushed and chest heaving, eyes wide and staring up at Viktor with an unbroken gaze that Viktor never wanted to end. Sitting up slightly, Yuuri pushed Viktor back a little and he went willingly, allowing Yuuri to sit up so that their heights were almost level again. Viktor’s shirt was still hanging from his shoulders and Yuuri used the access the new position gave him to push the piece of clothing away. Viktor complied easily with the gesture, slipping his arms out of the fabric and tossing it to one side to join Yuuri’s own discarded shirt before reaching up to kiss Yuuri again.

There were a lot of things in the world that he enjoyed, experiences that he loved, but nothing would ever compare to the feeling of kissing Yuuri and the joy as Yuuri kissed back.

So caught up in the kiss, Viktor barely registered one of Yuuri’s legs sliding behind his own and it was only when the world spun around him and his back hit the bed that he realised that Yuuri had flipped them, sliding to straddle his legs and looking pleased at catching Viktor so off guard. Bending down, he kissed Viktor again and Viktor smiled into his mouth as he did so. The playful move had been unexpected but far from unpleasant and having Yuuri on top of him was just as arousing as having him beneath him.

Yuuri’s hands were sliding over his skin and as they kissed Viktor felt the touch moved lower. Fingers grasped at the fastenings of his trousers and through the haze of joy and desire that was surrounding him Viktor could feel the way that they were shaking slightly.

Sliding his fingers loosely around Yuuri’s wrist, Viktor pulled his hand away slightly, feeling the fine tremors shiver through the point where their hands were connected. Yuuri’s eyes were still blown wide with lust but the actions betrayed a nervousness that he wasn’t showing in his face.

 “Are you sure?” Viktor asked, wanting to be absolutely certain that this really was what Yuuri wanted. Things between them were still very complicated and far from resolved. Every part of him was screaming at him to keep kissing Yuuri, to hold him close in any way that Yuuri would allow it because he had loved him for so long and he wanted to keep touching Yuuri forever. But he knew that if there was any hesitance in Yuuri at all they needed to stop before it went any further.

Viktor didn’t want it to be a spur of the moment decision that Yuuri would regret come the morning, just another thing to hold against Viktor in the hidden list that only he seemed to know. He wanted Yuuri only if Yuuri was fully willing and had chosen this just as surely as Viktor had chosen him.

“Yes.” Yuuri replied and there was a confidence in his voice that was all the confirmation Viktor needed.

Up until that point everything had been hot and needy and a little rough and while Viktor had enjoyed it immensely he had also enjoyed the playful way that Yuuri had flipped them over, taking control of the encounter, and two could play at that game. Reaching up he kissed Yuuri again, slowly and deliberately, waiting until Yuuri was fully distracted before he rolled them both over again, laughing a little at Yuuri’s shocked expression as Viktor paid him back in kind for the trick that he had played earlier.

Despite looking surprised Yuuri made no protest to their sudden change in positions and his eyes moved back to Viktor lips, tongue darting out to wet his own subconsciously. Taking it as the encouragement that it was Viktor learned down again, first kissing Yuuri’s mouth and gradually moving to the skin of his jaw and down his neck, determined to taste every bit of Yuuri that he could reach.

As he did so Yuuri whined, panting and squirming under Viktor’s touch and it was such an enticing noise that Viktor broke away, wanting to see the need on Yuuri’s face as well as in his voice. The sight before him didn’t disappoint. Yuuri’s pupils had grown impossibly wider until the warm brown was almost completely obscured by the darkest of black. A blush extended across his cheeks and down his neck, the little red marks that Viktor had made with his mouth standing out alluringly against the skin of his throat.

Beneath him Yuuri shifted again, his hands clenching almost painfully against Viktor’s sides as he let out another little impatient whine. Squirming, with eyes that pleaded for Viktor to keep going, so much more open and honest that Viktor had ever seen them directed at himself before.

Letting out a little pleased laugh at sight of Yuuri Katsuki so beautifully needy under his touch he picked up Yuuri’s hands with his own, kissing the knuckle of one of them in a reverent gesture before pushing them both up over Yuuri’s head to pin him in place.

Reaching over with one hand and keeping the other wrapped tight against Yuuri’s skin, Viktor reached over to the draw by his bedside where he knew he would find the things they needed if they were intending to take the encounter any further. He very rarely used any of it during competitions but it was a force of habit to keep supplies there, the ‘better safe than sorry’ attitude that Yakov had drilled into his head as soon as he was old enough, after too many years of watching skaters make stupid decisions in the heat of the moment.

After a couple of seconds he found what he was looking for and sat back, tossing the little bottle to one side and out of the way and dropping the wrapped condom onto the bed beside him. Even the few brief seconds away from Yuuri had been enough to reignite his need and he leant back in to kiss Yuuri again, taking the opportunity to slide his hands along the smooth skin of Yuuri’s body that he was finally allowed to touch. While he did so Yuuri reached up to grasp his hair, pulling hard and taking control of the kiss, the action sending a sharp jolt of pain mixed with pleasure along Viktor’s spine and encouraging him on.

Up until then Viktor had been content with the bare skin of Yuuri’s chest and neck that he had been allowed to touch but it suddenly wasn’t enough and he reached down, taking the last of Yuuri’s clothes in his hands and tugging them down. Yuuri complied with him instantly, discarding the items and he allowed Yuuri to do the same to him until they were both fully naked and he could look down on Yuuri in his entirety.

He had fallen in love with Yuuri as a person, all the little details about him that made him shine even through the hatred that was directed Viktor’s way. But alongside that he had always been able to recognise Yuuri’s attractiveness and it had only been amplified as time went on until Viktor felt like he was burning up with desire and finally having Yuuri naked under him was like a dream. For a second him simply sat back, admiring the sight.

He would have been content to remain like that, caught up in the moment but Yuuri was clearly impatient and he only allowed Viktor a brief handful of seconds to look before he reached up, fisting a hand in the tie that was still wrapped around Viktor’s neck and yanking him down into another bruising kiss that Viktor responded to instantly, the move making him shiver a little in anticipation.

Yuuri taking control was thrilling and Viktor wanted more. They hadn’t exactly talked about where the rest of the night was going to lead and Viktor was about to roll over and pull Yuuri on top of him before Yuuri wrapped his legs firmly around Viktor’s waist, dragging him close to sit nestled in between Yuuri’s hips and making his desires for the rest of the evening very obvious. Rolling his hips, he drew a small gasp from Viktor at the hot feeling of skin on skin and every other thought was driven out of him mind. There would be plenty of time to explore each other’s bodies in different ways later but Yuuri was urging him on and it was clear that he knew exactly what he wanted.

Not wanting to waste another second, Viktor reached out, his fumbling fingers finding the little bottle he had tossed so carelessly aside before and flicking open the lid, shooting a questioning look at Yuuri to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood. Yuuri nodded in response, his fingernails digging little groves into Viktor’s back as he tightened his grip and Viktor tried to focus on the little flashes of pain it caused to keep from being too distracted over the thought of what was about to happen, something he had been dreaming about for so long.

Yuuri’s legs were still locked tightly around his waist, sharp heels digging into the small of his back and pleasant as the feeling was the position wasn’t ideal for what was about to happen next. Instead, Viktor took a hold of Yuuri’s thighs and parted them gently, unwinding them from his back and giving himself room to crawl up the bed to sit between them, eyes still fixed on Yuuri’s face. He refused to break the gaze even as he reached up between them, stroking Yuuri’s cock and watching the way that Yuuri’s own eyes widened in return and hearing as his bitten-off moans filled the room.

Wanting to make Yuuri as relaxed as possible he continued to move his hand and at the same time latching onto the skin of Yuuri’s neck with his mouth and kissing it again and feeling as Yuuri’s body went loose and pliable under him at the pleasure of the duel feelings. Trying not to break the kiss, Viktor fumbled with the bottle he had been holding for a couple of seconds before finally managing to tip some of the cool liquid out onto his fingers. Rubbing his fingers together to try and warm it up a little he reached between Yuuri’s legs, speeding up the motions of his hand on Yuuri’s cock and feeling as Yuuri shuddered in response and ground down onto his fingers.

At the encouragement, Viktor allowed his first finger to slid in, feeling the tight heat surrounding it that sent the pleasure centres of his brain into overdrive. On instinct he bit down onto the skin of Yuuri’s neck at the same time, wanting to mark him, to remind himself that this was real and this was happening and come the morning he would now have the memory of Yuuri like this, lying with him, forever.

The noises that Yuuri was making at the feeling were almost enough in themselves but even as he did so he shuddered a little and Viktor pulled away from both his neck and his cock to avoid overstimulating him and allowing Yuuri to adjust to the new stretch. When Yuuri whined again he began to move, trying to keep the movement slow and easy despite how much he wanted to just flip Yuuri over and take him, until they both came undone around each other.

The pace was agonisingly slow but Viktor was determined to make it as good for Yuuri as possible, painless and easy and waiting until Yuuri was begging for it before going any further. Gradually he added another finger and Yuuri let out another of his needy little whines, the sound so intoxicating to Viktor’s ears as he rolled his hips, forcing Viktor’s fingers further inside himself. Viktor couldn’t help but laugh a little at the action, still riding high on the thrill of how much Yuuri wanted it, how fierce the desire that was burning in his eyes was and how completely different it was to how Viktor had expected and yet perfect at the same time. Leaning down his kissed Yuuri again lightly, savouring the taste of his lips.

Just like before, Yuuri quickly took control, deepening the kiss and sinking his teeth into Viktor’s lip, making him jolt at the sudden unexpected pain, mixing with the pleasure he was feeling to form a sparking mess of sensation. Yuuri definitely liked it rough and Viktor returned the pleasure in kind, adding another finger that made Yuuri moan into his mouth and pulling away to gaze down at him, licking at the trickle of blood that was forming on his lip.

There was barely time to register anything but Yuuri’s dark eyes, glowing in the faint moonlight, before Yuuri reached between them and grabbed Viktor’s cock, stroking it a little shakily but still sending pleasure shooting through Viktor’s body, every muscle tensing as the sensations almost overwhelmed him.

Part of him still couldn’t believe that Yuuri was finally here with him, that this was real and not just another dream. The situation might not be perfect, Viktor might have jumped straight into it head first without looking as he did with so many things but he couldn’t regret it because it had brought them here and it was better than anything he ever could have imagined. The desire that was coursing through him mixed with the joy of finally being close to Yuuri, of finally being allowed to touch him without Yuuri recoiling or tensing whenever Viktor was near as he had done so many times before. Viktor wanted to bask in the feelings forever, Yuuri’s warmth better even than the warmth of the sun.

Digging one of his hands into the skin of Viktor’s back with the other keeping the same steady pace on his cock, slowly taking him apart, Yuuri looked at him, face flushed and staring at Viktor with an intensity that made it impossible to look away.

“I hate you.” Yuuri breathed and his eyes held none of the warmth or joy that Viktor had been feeling just seconds before. “Now fuck me.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut and Viktor felt his fingers still in shock, the words so unexpected and unexpectedly painful that every muscle in his body froze and locked in place.

He had known Yuuri had hated him, had known there was still a lot of animosity there even as they danced. But he had seen Yuuri’s desire for him and, before that, had glimpsed something that had made him truly believe that there must be at least a part of Yuuri that didn’t hate him at all. When Yuuri was at his most open and vulnerable and Viktor had glimpsed a part of him that he had never seen before and desperately wanted to see again.

Yuuri might only display open dislike in public but Viktor had known that his feelings were far more complicated than that on the inside. And here, with Yuuri lying beneath him and so intimately joined together, Viktor had believed that Yuuri had dropped the mask of complete hatred, that Viktor was finally seeing more of the complex mix of emotions that lay beneath.

But he was wrong.

He almost pulled away, almost sat back and stopped touching Yuuri to try and still the pounding of his heart and dull the ache in his chest but before he could so much as blink Yuuri was dragging him down into another kiss, hot and rough and desperate and he was lost.

Yuuri might hate him but Viktor had known that and he loved him anyway and if this was all Yuuri wanted from him in that moment then that was what he would give. They could work the rest out later when desire wasn’t clouding his mind and the slick slide of Yuuri’s skin on his wasn’t drowning out almost everything else, dulling even the pain in his chest. 

Pushing Yuuri’s thighs apart even further and bending them towards Yuuri’s body, Viktor barely remembered to grab the condom, tearing the wrapper and rolling it on as quickly, before lining himself up and pushing in as slowly as he could, feeling Yuuri clench around him and hearing the choked off moan that erased anything else that Yuuri might have wanted to say.

The sensation of finally being inside Yuuri, surrounded by him and consumed by him, almost made Viktor fall apart then and there. It took all of his willpower to force himself not to move yet, bending Yuuri’s legs back more to give them both better access and sliding in further as he did so. Then holding still, allowing Yuuri to adjust to the new feeling.

Despite Viktor’s efforts to go slow, Yuuri broke through his resolve again effortlessly, fucking himself back onto Viktor’s cock almost immediately and gasping and clenching around him at the new feelings that it brought. The action was all the encouragement that Viktor needed and he braced his arms on the bed on either side of Yuuri’s head, dragging back as slowly as he could before snapping his hips forward, steadily picking up the pace until Yuuri was writhing under him.

As he did so he reached between them and grabbed Yuuri’s cock again, hand moving at the same pace and watching in satisfaction as Yuuri’s eyes rolled up into the back of his head as he vocalised his pleasure.

It might not be exactly what Viktor had wanted or expected or hoped for but it was what he had. Yuuri was here at least, closer than he had ever been before and Yuuri might have just been looking for a quick fuck, a release of tension or some kind of strange reward for his win, but he was here all the same. Viktor knew that he was already too addicted to Yuuri to have chosen any differently and if this was all that Yuuri wanted right now then he would make sure Yuuri would never forget it, burn himself into Yuuri’s mind in the same way Yuuri was permanently seared into his.

Sharp fingernails dug into his back, raking down the skin there and leaving stinging trails in their wake that Viktor knew he was still going to be able to feel in the morning. A physical reminder that he didn’t need because it wasn’t like he could forget this night as long as he lived.

While Viktor was distracted Yuuri took the opportunity to unbalance him again, flipped them both over so that he was straddling Viktor before sinking back down onto his cock again, throwing his head back and exposing the graceful line of his throat, still peppered with the evidence of Viktor’s kisses from minutes previously.

Yuuri was stunning sitting above him, perfectly in control and so beautiful that for a moment Viktor couldn’t breathe. Yuuri moved, sliding up before sinking back down again, taking Viktor even deeper and Viktor couldn’t help the noise he made at the feeling, his pleasure only growing as Yuuri moved again, setting a pace that was even more brutal than before and driving Viktor’s pleasure higher with every slide of skin against skin. All that Viktor could do was hold on, fingers clasping Yuuri’s hips almost painfully, and fall apart and pray that he would be able to put himself back together again come the morning.

Yuuri dragged his own pleasure out of Viktor’s body, his eyelids fluttering as he moved and Viktor tried to hold back, tried to let Yuuri set his own pace but eventually instinct took over and he reached up to thread his fingers into Yuuri’s hair as he snapped his hips upwards, meeting Yuuri’s pace with his own and causing the other man to gasp before Viktor cut him off with a kiss. Deep and hot and messy, a final culmination of everything, trying to memorise the feeling of Yuuri’s lips against his.

Everything was too much, everything he had wished for but simultaneously nothing that he had wanted and eventually he broke the kiss, pressing his face into Yuuri’s shoulder to hide the expression that he knew was twisting his features.

“You’re so beautiful.” he mumbled, pressing the words into Yuuri’s skin and only distantly registering that the sentence had come out in Russian, the pleasure haze filling his brain temporarily robbing him of his ability to translate the words.

There was so much more he wanted to say but after what Yuuri had just made explicitly clear he knew that he couldn’t. Not here, not now. ‘I love you.’ he wanted to say. ‘I’m already yours and I want you to be mine but I know that you’re not and now I’m not sure if you’ll ever be.’

Instead of speaking again he chose to slid his hand over Yuuri’s cock once more, dragging out the other man’s pleasure and finally tipping him over the edge, feeling as Yuuri shuddered and came, clenching down around Viktor and causing him to gasp too. In his arms, Yuuri suddenly went limp, boneless and wrung-out as he came down from the high and Viktor knew that he wouldn’t last much longer either. All it took was a few more seconds before he too was trembling and coming, Yuuri somehow finding the strength to ride him through it and push Viktor over the edge.

It took Viktor a few seconds of hazy bliss to register that Yuuri had buried his face into the crook of Viktor’s neck just as he had done at the banquet not so long ago, the feeling more precious than any that had come before it. They were still locked together but as Viktor lowered them both to lie flat on the bed he felt himself slide out of Yuuri, tangling his legs with the other man to compensate, keeping Yuuri close. They were both breathless and relaxed, Yuuri with his face still pressed into Viktor’s shoulder, breathing heavy and body pliant under Viktor’s touch.

When they were fully lying down Viktor adjusted the position so that Yuuri was fully cradled in his arms, head resting on his chest and his breathing rising and falling with Viktor’s own as the tiredness began to overtake them both. Viktor wondered if Yuuri was going to speak again but instead he just lay there, caught up in the haze of post-coital bliss and content to simply lie peacefully with Viktor as their breathing gradually returned to normal.

Viktor couldn’t pinpoint the moment when Yuuri feel asleep, gradually sinking from sated bliss into dreams, but he remained still all the same, trying not to disturb the man resting on his chest, curled up into Viktor’s warmth. It was only when he was sure that Yuuri was deeply asleep that he moved, sliding quickly out of bed to dispose of the condom and clean himself up a little before returning. Briefly he wondered if he should wake Yuuri and offer the same but Yuuri looked far too peaceful lying there, soft and open and so unlike the man that had taunted Viktor as they danced and he couldn’t bring himself to, couldn’t bear to break the moment.

As quietly as he could he slid back into bed, arranging them so that Yuuri was lying cradled against his chest again. Yuuri huffed a little in his sleep, shifting slightly as he was moved and burrowing a little deeper into the heat of Viktor’s skin and Viktor couldn’t help the lurch in his chest as he did so.

Inside he could barely understand the emotions that were all tangled within him, so conflicted that it would take years to pick them apart. There was so much he still wanted to do, so much that still needed to be said but Yuuri was peaceful and content and he couldn’t bring himself to break that.

They could talk in the morning. They certainly had a lot to talk about. Viktor knew that things hadn’t gone exactly to plan but, holding Yuuri in his arms, he couldn’t bring himself to regret his choices no matter what they might have brought or what they might still bring.

They could deal with everything in the morning. For the night, he just wanted to hold Yuuri, to bask in the glow left behind and to pray that, somehow, it would all work out in the end.

When Viktor awoke the next morning it was to the pleasant feeling of Yuuri’s body still tangled with his own. During the night Yuuri had shifted, rolling slightly off his so that he was resting on the bed next to Viktor but their legs were still entwined and the length of Yuuri’s body was warm pressed up by his side.

For a few minutes Viktor simply lay there, enjoying the feeling and admiring the way that Yuuri’s sleeping face looked, highlighted by the beams of sunlight that were spilling through the cracks in his curtains. Yuuri’s face was still soft and open in sleep and on an impulse Viktor ran a finger lightly across his cheek, Yuuri letting out a pleased sigh at the gesture, still fast asleep.

Objectively, Viktor knew that what had happened last night could have gone far, far better. The sex had been fantastic and being close to Yuuri had been more so but there was still the issue of Yuuri’s feelings for him that was far from resolved. At the banquet he had tried briefly to ask but Yuuri hadn’t been interested in talking and Viktor had acted on a combination of impulse, instinct and desire and the conversation had never come to be.  

Jumping straight into bed with Yuuri without talking first had been a bad idea but not one that he could really bring himself to regret. They should have talked first, should have clarified things between them but in the heat of the moment everything but the need to run his hands across Yuuri’s skin and watch as he came apart under him had been erased.

From the way that Yuuri had been acting the night before, deliberately provocative and mocking, goading Viktor and encouraging him on, he had made his desire of Viktor very clear but also his dislike. The words ‘I hate you’ floated into Viktor’s mind and they still stung but less so in the morning light. He had known that already, had known before he had even asked Yuuri to dance. It had only surprised him so much because he hadn’t expected the words at that moment, not when he was at his most open and vulnerable and had assumed that Yuuri would be too. But unlike when Yuuri was skating, last night he had been just as shielded as ever, hiding behind the simple mask of hatred and not allowing Viktor a single glimpse of the complexities that he knew were lying just under the surface.

But now it was morning and the heat and passion of the night had faded and finally they would have a chance to talk. After what had happened the night before he couldn’t imagine Yuuri recoiling at his presence anymore, couldn’t imagine returning to the forced distance between them that Yuuri’s hatred had created. Yuuri might still not fully like him but they had made enough progress for a conversation at least. All Viktor needed to do was to finally get the chance to ask why Yuuri seemed outwardly to hate him so much. To discover the cause of the intense rivalry that he had had no part in creating and finally understand why Yuuri had been skating his old routine so full of love, why Yuuri wanted him so badly, and why even after all that, Yuuri still acted like Viktor was the only person in the world that he truly hated.

Once he knew that, once he understood, he could try and fix it. He and Yuuri were very compatible, their skating perfect compliments of each other, their bodies moving in perfect time, their souls singing the same. From the moment he had first seen Yuuri he had been drawn to him and he had fallen in love with all the different kinds of beauty that Yuuri possessed, mind body and soul.  There were parts of Yuuri that were sharp, unpleasantly jagged and painful but Viktor knew he had similar edges too and he was sure that if he was just given the chance they could begin to work around them. They could get on friendly terms at least and work their way from there if Yuuri wanted to. After being so intimate the night before, he couldn’t imagine not being able to at least talk amicably now that it was morning.

Sliding as quietly as he could from the bed, Viktor stood up, stretching and feeling his back crack as he did so from the awkward position he had been lying in. On the bed Yuuri shifted and made a sleepy noise of protest at the loss of Viktor’s warmth from beside him and Viktor couldn’t help but smile as he reached down and brushed a strand of Yuuri’s hair away from his face where it had fallen at the movement.

Part of him wanted to stay curled up in the warm bed forever but there were other things that he needed to do first and he knew that he had to leave. Yuuri was still deep asleep and looked like he would be for some time which gave Viktor the time he needed to set everything up.

Hurriedly he showered, pulling on fresh clothes and dragging a brush through his hair to try and tug it into some kind of order. From a minute he considered ordering room service, having Yuuri wake up to fresh warm food to start the morning, but discarded the idea as probably too much. He didn’t wanted to come on too strong in a way that he knew he had the tendency to do and push Yuuri away.

Inside he decided to stick to his original plan. There was a coffee shop a short walk from the hotel, expensive but with high quality drinks that he had been enjoying during his time at the competition. Bringing Yuuri coffee would be a good icebreaker, a gesture of peace to try and break the tension and something to keep them both occupied and together in the same room while they finally had the chance to talk. After that they could maybe order breakfast, maybe room service or maybe they could go out to eat together. Either way, Viktor would be content.

Viktor made his way quickly out of the hotel room, doubling back and catching the door quickly as it began to swing closed when he remembered that, in his haste, he had forgotten to even grab his wallet from where it was sitting on the desk in the room to take with him. Darting across the room he grabbed it and hurried back over to the door again, throwing a glance over his shoulder at the bed to make sure that Yuuri was still fast asleep before leaving the room again.

Once he was out of the room he walked out of the hotel quickly, dodging the traffic in the street and arriving in front of the coffee shop in a few short minutes. Quickly he slipped inside, the smell of the dark roasted beans hitting him instantly. There was hardly any queue and he was just about to order when he was hit with a wave of doubt.

Did Yuuri even like coffee? Viktor had never seen him drink it before and suddenly his plan didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. There was bound to be some level of awkwardness between them when he returned and he didn’t want to make it worse by bringing Yuuri something that he would hate. For a few seconds he panicked before glancing down the menu, his eyes settling on an option that seemed a lot safer than coffee.

He knew that Yuuri at least enjoyed green tea, he had seen the other man drink it at competitions several times and even though Viktor himself had never tried it himself he was sure it was definitely a better idea than his original plan.

After ordering the two drinks, he waited around for a few minutes while they were being made and then grabbed a takeout holder from one of the stacks next to him to carry them with. As soon as the drinks were ready he left the shop, darting back into the hotel and up to his room, reaching up to open the door while balancing the drinks in his other hand.

Before his hand even had a chance to touch the door it swung open from the inside and Viktor nearly crashed into Yuuri as he stepped out into the corridor, stumbling a little as the near collision threw him of balance. Yuuri made a surprised little noise as well and jumped back, face flushing a bright red.

“I was just…” he stammered out, the words mixing with Viktor’s instinctive explanation of, “I brought…”

At the confusing mix of words they both stopped, Yuuri’s cheeks still a bright flaming red and Viktor spoke again first, trying to explain himself while his brain was still processing what was going on.

“I brought you this.” he finished, holding out the cup of tea that he had bought a few minutes earlier as his brain finally caught up with the whole situation.

Yuuri was leaving. It was clear that he had been awake for a while, freshly showered with the damp strands of his hair sticking to the back of his neck. The bruises scattered across his neck were still very visible and damning evidence of the night before and he looked more embarrassed that Viktor had ever seen him, refusing to look Viktor in the eye as he took the offered cup and took a hesitant sip.

It was only then that Viktor realised that the shirt that Yuuri was wearing was his own, one of his more expensive ones with fabric silky-soft to the touch. It made sense since he had so thoroughly ruined Yuuri’s own the night before and he couldn’t stop the little animal purr of pleasure in the back of his brain at the sight of Yuuri in his clothes, but the overwhelming majority of his mind was still stuck on the fact that Yuuri was leaving. If Viktor hadn’t come back when he did he would have arrived to an empty room, Yuuri vanishing without even a word of goodbye.

“I was just leaving.” Yuuri told him, finishing off his own aborted sentence and finally looking Viktor in the eye. Instinctively, Viktor moved away from the door, allowing Yuuri to pass and trying to speak past the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. Yuuri didn’t bother to look at him again, instead turning and walking quickly away.

Viktor wanted to call after him, to try and stop him because they were supposed to talk, supposed to try and solve everything between them but Yuuri clearly had no interest in speaking with him or being near him for another moment longer now that Viktor had nothing more that he wanted.

After a few meters Yuuri turned back around, the flush absent from his face and a neutral, blank look in its place.

“I’ll see you next season Nikiforov.” he tossed back over his shoulder and the words stung even more than Yuuri’s words from the night before because they had just slept together, had kissed and spent the night holding each other close, and yet Yuuri still couldn’t be bothered to use anything but his last name, cold and impersonal.

Viktor barely managed to choke out a small ‘until next season’ before Yuuri turned and walked away again, leaving Viktor standing alone in the corridor.

After a few seconds he retreated into his room, setting the now cooling coffee down on the bedside table, his appetite completely gone. The sheets were still rumpled and there was a faint warmth still clinging to them where Yuuri had lain that Viktor could sense as he sat down, feeling drained all of a sudden.

For him, the previous night had been something special, something he had dreamed about and wanted for so long now. Bur for Yuuri it had clearly been nothing. He was obviously attracted to Viktor, had sought him out to have some fun but now it was clear that he wanted nothing else, not even Viktor’s company.

 Viktor couldn’t be angry with Yuuri for it. They had never clarified what their night together would mean for either of them and he couldn’t hold Yuuri to anything more than the most basics of what it had been. Couldn’t resent Yuuri for not desiring anything more than sex just because ‘more’ was what he himself so desperately wanted.

But that didn’t stop it hurting that Yuuri had left so suddenly, sneaking out like he was ashamed. Acting embarrassed when he was caught leaving rather than being able to slip away like he had been trying to do. Wanting to get away from Viktor as quickly as possible in the morning light.

For Yuuri, either the night before must have been a mistake or he had enjoyed it and didn’t regret it but didn’t want to deal with any of what came after. Didn’t want to deal with Viktor. Didn’t even want to stick around for an amicable chat before brushing him off. And his last words ‘I’ll see you next season’ still hung in the air around Viktor, a reminder that Yuuri didn’t even want to see him before then, hadn’t even given Viktor the chance to ask for his number.

In front of him, Viktor caught sight of a shirt discarded on the floor, just one item of many that were scattered across the room after the chaos of the night before. It took him a second to recognise it but eventually he realised it was Yuuri’s shirt, the one that he had torn in his haste to finally touch what he had been craving from afar for so long.

Reaching down he picked up the ruined fabric, noting the way half of the buttons were missing and the material itself had been torn. Suddenly feeling overwhelmed he buried his face in the fabric, elbows resting on his knees and taking a few deep breaths to steady himself, trying to comprehend just how badly everything had gone wrong in such a short space of time. It still smelled faintly of Yuuri and somehow that just made everything worse.

“Fuck.” he said, the words of his native language feeling strange on his tongue after so long speaking English. It was course and ugly but it was the only thing that he could think of to summarise the twisted mess of emotions that he was feeling, somehow painfully closer than even to what he wanted and simultaneously so very far away. ‘Be careful what you wish for’ indeed.

“Fuck.” 

Chapter Text

Yakov found out because Yakov had a talent for discovering Viktor’s bad mistakes before even Viktor himself knew that he’d made them. As it was, he cornered Viktor the morning after the banquet during their scheduled meeting when there was no escape, with a gruff scowl and eyes full of judgement.

“You left the banquet early last night.” he stated and Viktor hid his wince, plastering a nonchalant expression on his face and hoping that Yakov had somehow lost the ability to read him like a book, an ability that he had possessed since Viktor was a teenager.

“I was tired.” he shrugged and Yakov’s scowl deepened. There was no anger in his face but there was concern, masked by a look of deep irritation.

“Don’t play stupid with me Vitya because we both know that you’re not. And don’t think I didn’t notice when you left. Or who you were following.”

Viktor sighed, dropping all pretence at ignorance and resigning himself for the oncoming conversation. The other patrons at the party might not have notice he and Yuuri leaving together, the dancing was at full swing at that point and just enough alcohol had been consumed for them to have been able to slip away without the eyes of every coach, skater and official in the room on them. But he should have known that nothing would escape Yakov’s eagle-eyed gaze, especially not his top skater sneaking off with his very public rival and not reappearing for the rest of the night. It wouldn’t be too hard to guess what had happened.

“What does it matter.” he shot back, wanting to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible. His morning had already been pretty disastrous as it was and he really didn’t want to add a lecture from his coach onto what was shaping up to be a truly spectacularly awful day. “It won’t affect my skating, Yakov. And my personal life is my own.”

“I know.” Yakov’s features softened slightly but the concern was still there, buried though it was. “But Katsuki is dangerous, and not just to your skating. Your obsession has gone far enough. Let it end here. Beat him next season, remind the world why you are the one they call a living legend not him and forget about anything else. For your own sake.”

There was no way that Viktor would ever be able to forget about Yuuri. Not before and especially not now, after everything that had passed between them. Not now that he had had a single taste of what having Yuuri could be like and would never be able to resist coming back for more. But he knew that there was only one answer that Yakov would accept and it was easy to muster up a smile full of false cheer and indifference and wave the concern away.

“Of course I will Yakov.” he said, tasting the lie as it passed his lips.

Yakov frowned at him again, eyes searching but he didn’t respond. Thankfully, he didn’t press the matter any further and for that Viktor was grateful. But he didn’t look convinced either and Viktor was sure that he hadn’t heard the end of his coach’s disapproval of Yuuri Katsuki.

To make matters worse, Chris found him not long after Yakov, with a sly smirk already plastered across his face.

“Someone left the banquet early last night.” he grinned with a raised eyebrow, giving Viktor a suggestive look that implied he knew exactly what Viktor had been getting up to while he had been missing from the tail end of the official event. “Did you finally get laid again like I’ve been telling you to do for months now?”

Viktor tried to hide the expression on his face and the twist of his gut at the words but from the look on Chris’ face he knew he had failed miserably. He didn't want to talk about this now, not when it was still so fresh and the memory of Yuuri's retreating figure from a few hours ago was still playing on a constant loop in his mind.

“You did!” Chris exclaimed, looking delighted. “Mon chéri, I’m so proud of you.”

Sighing, Viktor glanced away, pulling a mask of careful blankness over his face and trying not to let his emotions shine through. Usually he would be happy to talk with Chris, teasing each other was part of their friendship after all. But this time he really wasn’t in the mood. All he wanted was to get back to St Petersburg as soon as possible and try to sort out the mess of feelings that twisted inside himself at the thought of Yuuri and the night they had shared together. Trying to explain it to Chris would just remind himself how hopelessly complicated this whole situation had now become.

“You don’t look particularly happy about it.” Chris said, still teasing but now looking at Viktor questioningly. “Was it not good?”

Viktor stayed silent but he could feel the blush begin to creep onto his face at the words even as he willed it back down, shifting awkwardly and refusing to look Chris in the eye. The quality of the sex definitely wasn’t what was in question, it was everything that had come after that brought an unpleasant tightness to his throat and made his heart ache in his chest.

"Something even worse?” Chris pressed, looking gleeful at Viktor’s embarrassment. “ Did he come too soon? Did you come too soon?” When Viktor still didn’t respond he pressed harder, still with the same teasing note in his voice. “He didn’t have any weird kinks did he? God, it wasn’t Katsuki was it?”

Viktor froze at the words and Chris froze with him, all the amusement dropping from his face in an instant as he took in Viktor’s reaction, expression morphing into one of abject horror.

“Oh no.” he said, staring at Viktor with the look of someone watching a condemned man being lead to his own execution. “Viktor, you didn’t?”

Viktor still didn’t respond but he didn’t bother to conceal his expression at the declaration either, knowing that it was already too late. He hadn’t been planning on telling Chris what had happened but there was no point trying to deny it when Chris had so quickly figured out the truth.

“Viktor…” Chris began but he cut himself off, sighing and taking a step closer so that his hand was resting on Viktor’s arm.

“I’m not going to lecture you.” he promised, concern filling his eyes and his voice. “You’re an adult, you can make your own bad decisions. But Viktor, you look miserable. Will you at least tell me what happened?”

“I…” Viktor started, hearing the crack in his voice even as he swallowed and strengthened his resolve. “It was fine. I’m fine Chris, honestly.”

“Was he not good to you?” Chris asked and his voice was suddenly dark and angry. “Did he not treat you well? Because I still have those photos from the Olympics if you want me to…”

“No!” Viktor almost shouted, then cut himself off. Chris’ concern was comforting but misplaced. Nothing had happened that night that he hadn’t wanted to happen or thoroughly enjoyed and he never should have expected anything more than what he had. It was his own fault for raising his expectations far too high.

“It was fine. More than fine, it was amazing actually. Yuuri was…” he trailed off, lost in a memory and unable to complete the sentence. Yuuri was Yuuri. A whirlwind of burning passion and raw emotion that had swept into his life and turned everything upside down and Viktor had allowed himself to be sucked in willingly, content to go wherever Yuuri would take him. His night with Yuuri hadn’t been perfect but it was still a memory that he would treasure.

“If it was so good then why did you look so unhappy?” Chris pressed, sounding unimpressed with his answer. “What did he do?”

“He left.” Viktor said, then rushed to clarify. “In the morning. He left. It wasn’t anything bad, I should have known it was coming. It was just sex, it was just a one-time thing. I shouldn’t have expected him to stay.”

“But you wanted him to.” Chris finished for him, looking at Viktor pityingly. “Well he stayed the night and didn’t leave until the morning, that’s something at least. But Viktor, what were you honestly expecting to come of this? He hates you. You sleeping with him was never going to change that.”

“I know.” Viktor sighed, resigned. He had thought that maybe there had been something more that night, or at least the potential for there to be something more. But Yuuri had left without a care and without giving Viktor the chance to talk and it was nothing he shouldn’t have expected but it hurt all the same. “I don’t regret it though.”

“Maybe you should.” Chris told him, raising an eyebrow and looking at Viktor with a hint of judgement on his face. “Nothing good is going to come of this, you must know that?”

Viktor frowned at him and didn’t respond because he knew his answer wasn’t the one Chris would want to hear. There was still a spark of hope in him, dimmed now but present all the same and he refused to give it up despite what had happened.

They had never clarified what their night was going to be before it began, which was the fault of them both. He couldn't blame Yuuri for leaving in the morning because there had never been the agreement for anything more. But his desire to be close to Yuuri, to know Yuuri, in more than just a carnal way, was still very present. Nothing had changed that, despite what had happened. And while sleeping together wasn't exactly the best of progress, it was a change at least. From nothing but glaring and cold silence they had moved on to heated kisses and gasps of pleasure and maybe it was a lot less that what Viktor hoped for but it was what Yuuri had wanted in that moment. And maybe eventually he would come to want more.

“Did you at least part on good terms then?” Chris asked, clearly trying to figure the situation out even with Viktor’s lack of responsiveness. Viktor couldn’t help the bitter snort that came at the words and Chris’ eyebrows shot even higher, looking exasperated as he took in Viktor’s face.

Viktor didn’t resent Yuuri for leaving, he should have expected that after all. But the way he had left still stung, with all its casual hurt and dismissal.

“I brought him tea. He told me ‘I’ll see you next season Nikiforov’, took it and walked away.” Viktor told Chris and it felt good to share it with someone else, despite the fact that he originally hadn’t been planning on telling Chris at all. “It wasn’t exactly how I was hoping it would end.”

“See you next season Nikiforov?” Chris asked, lips twisting down into a frown. “That’s cold. Do you think he treats everyone he sleeps with like that or are you just special?”

Viktor shrugged off the words, not wanting to think about their parting too much. It had happened, it hurt and now it was over.

And yet still, somehow, Viktor couldn’t bring himself to regret his time with Yuuri at all.

Chris looked at him appraisingly and there was clear worry etched into every line of his face. When he had first learned about Viktor’s feelings for Yuuri he had teased Viktor mercilessly like any friend would and had played along. But the more serious those feeling became the more concerned he had become. Now he knew just how far it had gone between them and he had known Viktor for long enough to know that he definitely wasn’t going to give up just yet, even after everything.

“Not to sound cliché but you are definitely playing with fire here Viktor,” Chris warned and Viktor couldn’t help but agree with him. Yuuri was bright and beautiful but he could also hurt and yet Viktor was drawn to him still. A moth to a flame. A single candle in the dark.

"And you will get burned," Chris finished, his words hanging heavy in the air between them. "If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that.”

Over the course of the rest of the year, Viktor practiced harder and more frequently than he ever had before. Watching Yuuri win last season had been a truly incredible experience. Seeing him at his peak, bright and beautiful and glowing with pride and achievement. His programs had been truly worthy of the gold medal they had earned him.

But Viktor was a champion and the competition was his life. Suddenly it was thrilling again because for the first time in so many years he wasn’t guaranteed a win anymore. Yuuri had snatched the gold from right under his nose not once now but twice last season and his competitive streak had finally reared its head once again. He couldn’t wait to skate against Yuuri in their next competition together, to finally pit himself against a worthy opponent with the very real and very thrilling danger of failure.

He had to practice hard, had to be perfect. Had to work for it in a way had hadn’t worked for it since he was a child, new to the world of skating and terrified of all the people who were so much older and so much better than he was. Having a goal again, something to focus on, allowed him to distract himself from everything else. More than once Yakov had thrown him out of the rink late at night, telling him that he had a home and maybe he should try living there instead of at the rink for once.
Thankfully, that was the only thing Yakov yelled at him for. He never brought up what happened at the banquet again, although he did roll his eyes at Viktor’s choice of free skate, the exasperation clear on his face.

Viktor had known what his coach’s reaction would be when he chose the music but he had never been one for caring what Yakov thought of his programs and he couldn’t help it when inspiration struck. His night with Yuuri might not have been everything he had dreamed it would be but nothing ever was and it had still been incredible none the less. He might not be any closer to Yuuri’s heart but at least they had moved somewhere. It was a start at least.

He couldn’t help but allow Yuuri to seep into his programs and his music like Yuuri had been doing now for years. After feeling so uninspired, Yuuri had come into his life like a saviour and made him love skating again, filled him so full of emotion and inspiration that he could make a thousand programs and it would never be enough to explain it all.

Yuuri hadn’t let him talk that day after the world championships but English wasn’t the only language they shared and there were more ways to speak than just words. Skater’s dealt in emotion, sacrificed part of their hearts to the ice and bared their souls for the audiences to see and if Yuuri wouldn’t let Viktor talk to him through words maybe he would listen another way instead.

Gradually his programs grew and flourished until they were perfect, carrying him through the qualifying competitions with ease until he was at the Grand Prix Final once again and waiting to skate against Yuuri for the first time since the other man’s victory in World’s months before.

During the competition Yuuri was being even more elusive than normal, which was truly saying something since he was already notorious in the skating world for being just that. In fact, Viktor didn’t really see him at all until the short programs began.

When Yuuri finally did step out into the spotlight, he looked nervous. Maybe not to the casual observer, he had grown very good at hiding his feelings after all, but Viktor had been skating against him for a long time now and he knew Yuuri’s tells. He could read the nerves in the line of tension across Yuuri’s shoulders, in the way his eyes kept flicking to the crowds every couple of seconds and the way his breathing slowed and deepened as if he was trying to keep himself grounded and focused.

They were tiny details but they were there.

After winning two consecutive gold medals, Yuuri had no need to be nervous. Such a successful previous season had proved him a truly incredible skater. But Yuuri had never won a Grand Prix title against Viktor, something the press had been quick to point out in their commentary of the upcoming season. The pressure was on for Yuuri to finally claim the last of the titles Viktor still held over him, just as it was on for Viktor to break Yuuri’s winning streak and ascend to the top of the podium again.

The competition was rife with tension and excitement and expectation and Viktor loved it.

They both performed well in the short programs, Viktor edging Yuuri out of the top spot by a couple of points. Unlike in years previously, Yuuri didn’t look as bothered by the results as he usually did when he sat in the kiss and cry, looking up at the scoreboard where his name was listed just under Viktor’s. Of course, there was still plenty of opportunity for him to bring it back in the free skate and knock Viktor off the top spot but it was nice, seeing Yuuri less frustrated by the results than normal. It gave Viktor hope that maybe they were finally moving from the bitter rivalry the press loved to gush about to a more friendly competitiveness.

For the free skate Viktor was due to skate last, with Yuuri occupying the spot before him. As per usual, Yuuri didn’t appear until it was almost time for him to perform. Walking out into the arena already in his skates with his costume covered by his traditional blue and black Japan skating jacket. Viktor was already at the rink side, doing a last few warm ups and preparing to watch the upcoming performance.

Too caught up in his own preparations, he hadn’t noticed when Yuuri first entered the arena but the noise of the crowd soon alerted him to the new presence and he turned around to see Yuuri looking at him from a few meters away, eyes locked onto Viktor with a startling intensity. When Yuuri noticed Viktor looking at him he turned away and Viktor called out before he could stop himself.

“Yuuri,” he called and Yuuri’s head whipped back around instantly. Swallowing slightly, Viktor paused, having not planned far enough ahead to have any idea what he was actually going to say next.

Calling to Yuuri had been instinctive but he hadn’t bet on how frozen he would feel at the sight of Yuuri looking straight at him for the first time in so many months. Hair slicked back like it had been that night, eyes dark with the intensity that he always showed just before competitions and now, Viktor knew, in other places too.

The last time Yuuri had looked at him like that he had been above Viktor, straddling him and pushing them both so close to the edge that Viktor was completely unable to think of anything else but Yuuri. The sight threw Viktor so violently that no words would come, his voice suddenly dying in his throat as he looked at Yuuri and remembered.

Yuuri’s eyebrows furrowed slightly and he continued to look at Viktor, waiting for an explanation for the call. Swallowing heavily, Viktor tried to banish the images and focus on the present. On Yuuri standing so close to him ready to skate, looking every bit like the winner he was.

“Good luck,” Viktor eventually settled on, the words casual enough that, to the fans and reporters around them, nothing would seem amiss but genuine enough for Yuuri to understand their meaning. Maybe the hatred from Yuuri was still there but Viktor knew that there was something else, buried deep but present and he was determined to find it. Being friendly was a good start and he truly did wish Yuuri luck. Not that Yuuri needed it when he could carry himself through the competition on talent alone.

And carry himself he did. Just like in Worlds earlier that year there was a confidence to Yuuri’s skating that hadn’t been there before he had won the gold over Viktor. Now he skated with surety in every step, in every flick of his skates. Even his jumps were confident, Yuuri throwing himself into each twist and landing with barely a hitch. Technical elements had always been his weakest point but now he was pushing himself further than ever before because he knew that he could. Every move he made was filled with a new surety and it only made his skating all the more beautiful to watch.

When Yuuri finally finished the routine it was to the thunderous applause of the audience, flowers and tokens of appreciation raining down from the fans that were crowding the arena. For a few minutes Yuuri took the time to acknowledge the crowd, waving to his fans and collecting a few of the gifts lying on the ice. Several of them were large stuff toys of various shapes and Yuuri hugged a few to his chest as he made his way to the kiss and cry, hair beginning to come loose from its slicked-back style to hang over his face, cheeks flushed. It made him look more open and happy, less like the unshakable persona he put on when he stepped out onto the ice.

Yuuri turned to give one last wave to the cheering crowds, hugging the toys to his chest and smiling, a warm genuine smile that had Viktor’s heart lurching in his chest.

Too caught up in watching Yuuri, he almost didn’t notice when it was his own turn to skate. It was only a sharp prod from Yakov that shook him out of his reverie and made him get out onto the ice. Caught up in the moment he had almost forgotten that he still had to perform but the roar of approval when he stepped out onto the rink brought it all back and he grinned out at the crowds, sliding his jacket off his shoulders and handing it to Yakov before gliding out into the centre of the rink.

The sharp lights of the stadium reflected off his costume, making the tiny moonstones scattered across it shimmer and glow and the crowd fell into a hush as he took up his starting position, the silence a collective holding of breath. Viktor readied himself, months of practice and patience, of aching muscles and bruised feet and sleepless nights spent running the choreography over and over again, all leading up to this final moment.

The melody started, soft and sweet. A single voice that became as duet as the music soared and Viktor skated, keeping his movements gentle to match. Letting emotion fill his body, he thought back to the moment, now a memory, that he had kept with him and now skated for everyone to see. The memory that had inspire him and he had designed his free skate around because he built his skating on emotion and that memory inspired the greatest emotion of them all.

The memory of having Yuuri in his arms, held close. With nothing between them but skin, quiet and peaceful in the darkness of the room. Not the heat and passion of what had come before but the delicate happiness of the time that had come after. When Yuuri had curled up on his chest, safe and content and had drifted into sleep with Viktor’s arms around him. That one moment that had been perfect beyond all the others.

They had slept together and his whole world had shifted and now he could never go back. Because now he knew what it was like to have Yuuri, even if it was only for a moment. How he tasted when they kissed, how he gasped when Viktor touched him, how he looked when he came. The feeling of Yuuri trusting him enough to fall asleep in his arms, of how Yuuri had cuddled close in his sleep and refused to let Viktor go, of the warm affection and casual intimacy that Viktor craved more than anything else.

As the song ended Viktor brought his routine to a close, one final spin before he came to rest on the ice in his final pose. One hand extended, reaching for something that was still so far out of his grasp.

‘I love you,’ his routine had said. ‘I’ve been reaching for you for so long. All I want is for you to reach back.’

At the kiss and cry, Viktor was focusing far more on the memories that he had brought back up during his free skate than his scores but that didn’t mean he missed the announcement that came over the loudspeaker, the numbers appearing on the big screen to the mixture of cheers and groans from the audience. Yakov turned from where he was sitting next to Viktor, a small smile on his face, unnoticeable to anyone who was watching but there all the same.

Viktor couldn’t help the swell of achievement that rose in him when the scores were announced or the smile that broke across his face as he saw his name at the top of the scoreboard. Winning now was thrilling and the fact that it was thrilling again was almost more exciting than the win itself. Yuuri had been stunning when he skated, a true rival and serious competition for the gold and that made the victory feel earned in a way nothing else did.

The only better feeling than the thrill of earning the gold again was standing on the podium with Yuuri. There was a slight twinge of sadness that Chris hadn’t made it up there with them, he had come fourth, still very respectable but not quite enough to make the podium, but he hadn’t seemed too upset at the loss.

Standing next to Yuuri, Viktor looked down, not quite sure what he was expecting to see. Many of the times before when he had stood above Yuuri and looked down on the other man, Yuuri was glaring back, looking angry and frustrated at his place on the lower podium. Viktor almost expected it to be that way again, even as he hoped that it wouldn’t be. But instead he got a pleasant surprise when he looked down to see Yuuri glancing up at him with no trace of hatred on his face.

Granted, Yuuri didn’t exactly look happy about the silver medal around his neck but he wasn’t glaring either. Instead he held Viktor's gaze for a few seconds longer before turning away with a slight nod of his head. It wasn’t much but it still made Viktor smile all the brighter as the cameras flashed all around him.

He had won, he was proud of what he had done and Yuuri was here with him and there was no hatred or burning anger directed up at him at all. Just the disappointment of a gold lost by a narrow margin and the acknowledgement from one competitor to another of a game well played.

It wasn’t perfect. But it was progress at least.

Amber @embersofamber · 20m
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS #GPF #viktornikiforov

Alikurai @alikurai · 19m
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK #GPF #katsukiyuuri

Kvn-dy @kvn-dy · 16m
Nikiforov is back in the game! Katsuki better watch out because he's never getting back on that podium again #GPF

Amereslare @ amereslare· 15m
I can't believe Yuuri lost after all those wins last year I'm actually crying right now #GPF

orange-candy @orangecandy · 11m
LOOK HOW HAPPY VIKTOR LOOKS ON THE PODIUM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.twitter.com/PaGfzbqar #GPF

Lily_W @omgkatsudonplease · 11m
Viktor winning gold again definitely has my seal of approval! #GPF

blackstarrr @blackstarr · 9m
I'm so upset that Yuuri lost! But at least there's still the world championships to come... #GPF

hearseire @nierA · 7m
@blackstarrr I would literally kill to see Yuuri back on the podium tbh #GPF

braveten @braveten · 4m
So many golds last season and yet Katsuki has lost to Viktor again! Oh how the mighty fall (from the top of the podium) #GPF

Wooden train @woodentrain · 1m
Well done @V-nikiforov! We were all rooting for you!

No.1 Viktor Fan @viktorsbitch · 1m
Enjoy your gold @V-nikiforov! You definitely earned it

A little while later, Viktor found himself in the reserved part of the stadium, surrounded by other skaters and coaches and waiting for Yakov to return so that they could go back to the hotel together. They were supposed to have left already but Yakov had been held up by one of Viktor’s sponsors, who was looking to involve Viktor in a new project now that he was the gold medallist once again.

Some of his sponsorships Viktor enjoyed and others not so much but he was a practical person and he knew they paid the bills much better than his prize money ever would. After such a successful career he hardly had to worry about money but his sponsorships had taken a hit when he had lost the gold for the first time to Yuuri and it was important to capitalise on his win while he could to get into everyone’s good books again. Now that he had Yuuri, Yuuri who had beaten him once and surely would do it at some point again, he had to be smarter about how he played his wins rather than just brushing them off like he used to.

Quickly he snapped a picture of the medal hanging around his neck and uploaded it to his official account along with a quick caption. As soon as he did so the likes started flooding in, along with a trickle of comments. There was barely the briefest chance to glimpse them however before the sound of a throat clearing from just behind him startled him out of his thoughts and made him turn quickly around, eyes widening when he saw just who had made the noise.

Yuuri was standing just behind him, looking a little unsure of himself as he shifted from foot to foot, looking at Viktor from under his eyelashes. His hair had fallen completely loose and soft around his face and he had his glasses on again, the thick blue frames magnifying the brown of his eyes.

Before Viktor had a chance to speak there was a sharp call of ‘Yuuri’ from across the room and they both looked round at the same time to see Yuuri’s coach standing in the doorway, sounding impatient as he waited for his student to join him. Yuuri turned back to Viktor, still looking unsure of himself, biting his lip and looking at Viktor nervously.

“Uh...congratulations.” Yuuri stuttered out, a light flush dusting across his cheeks as he said it and it was so unlike the bold, confident Yuuri that Viktor had seen before and yet so endearing at the same time that Viktor couldn’t even think of a reply to the unexpected words.

Awkwardly, Yuuri made a half gesture to where the medal was strung around Viktor’s neck and he looked down on instinct to where Yuuri was pointing, snapping his head back up only to see Yuuri already hurrying away after his coach. Viktor watched him go, mouth still hanging open a little and feeling a tiny flutter of warmth bloom in his chest at the words.

They might have parted on a less than friendly note last time but there was no mistaking this. This was Yuuri reaching out, offering – if not the hand of friendship – then the hand of good sportsmanship at the least. Congratulating Viktor on his win instead of resenting him for it, being polite and friendly in a way he had never been towards Viktor before. It had been stilted but it was there and suddenly it was all that Viktor could think about.

Yakov arrived not long after Yuuri left and together they made their way back to the hotel. Yakov spoke but Viktor could hardly bring himself to care about what his coach had to say. Instead, he was far too focused on Yuuri.

Maybe he had been wrong about their night together meaning nothing to Yuuri after all. Maybe something significant had changed between them, maybe this was part of the progress he had been so hoping for. Maybe this was the start, from hatred and bitter rivalry to mutual respect and acknowledgment.

Such a small gesture in the grand scheme of things and yet one that meant so much to him all the same.

At the foyer of the hotel he parted ways with Yakov, promising to meet back up in half an hour at the hotel bar. It was the normal routine for them, Yakov always had some flaw or criticism of Viktor’s routine that he wanted to talk over and work on before the next competition and Viktor had demanded as soon as he was old enough that he was at least allowed to drink during his coach’s informal lectures.

Half an hour was just enough time to get changed and ready before going down to meet with Yakov again and Viktor took full advantage of it, slipping out of his costume and into some more comfortable, semi-formal clothes. When he was finally ready he slid on his shoes and left the hotel room, half his mind on what Yakov’s criticism of the day might be and the other half still focused on Yuuri and the tiny spark of hope that was now burning even brighter in his chest.

It was the soft sound of approaching footsteps that alerted him to the fact that there was someone else in the corridor with him but he barely had time to turn before a hand grabbed him by the back of the head, fingers lacing into his hair and pulling him sharply down into a kiss of such intensity that he froze in surprise, unable to do anything but respond on instinct.

The kiss felt so achingly familiar and the thought came to him even before his eyes finally caught up with his brain and registered who exactly was kissing him.

“Yuuri.” he breathed, or tried to with his mouth still being claimed greedily by the other man, who was kissing Viktor like he never intended to let go.

Yuuri’s eyes were closed, long black eyelashes fanning over his skin and casting shadows under his eyes in the bright light of the corridor. Hands tightened in Viktor’s hair, pulling him even closer and keeping him locked in place as Yuuri kissed him, the feeling so inexplicably perfect, like they were made to match.

Viktor gasped at the feeling and Yuuri pulled him back in as soon as the sound left his mouth, trying to reinitiate the kiss. There was nothing Viktor wanted to do in the world more than let him but something stopped him, the little niggling voice in the back of his mind that he usually ignored that was screaming at him to think and wonder why exactly Yuuri Katsuki was kissing him in a corridor with no warning or explanation whatsoever.

Hesitantly he pulled back, unwilling to break the contact but needing to keep his lips away from Yuuri’s before he became lost in them again and all thoughts of talking and explanations and all the things he knew he should do but had forgotten in the heat of the moment, left him.

“Yuuri, what…” he tried, unable to figure out how to ask the myriad of question that had suddenly risen within him when Yuuri’s kisses weren’t driving every other thought out of his mind with such devastating efficiency.

‘What are you doing?’ he wanted to ask. ‘Why are you here? Why are you kissing me. Do you still hate me?’ And most importantly of all ‘why do you hate me?’ The one question he had tried to ask time and time again and been thwarted every time.

In front of him, Yuuri opened his eyes and his gaze was dark, pupils blown so wide that only the slimmest sliver of brown was visible encircling the rings of black. His lips were red and Viktor was so distracted by how tempting they looked flushed from the kissing that he almost missed the words that fell from them, jerking him unpleasantly back to reality.

“If you want me to stop, I’ll leave. But if you don’t then please… don’t talk.”

‘What?’ Viktor almost blurted out, the words fractions of a second away from being spoken before the look on Yuuri face stopped him, the other man instantly pulling away the minute Viktor opened his mouth. All the openness and raw emotion on his face shut down in an instant, locked behind walls of steel.

Jerking forward, Viktor brought his hands up to cup Yuuri’s face, fingers stroking over the soft skin of Yuuri’s cheek in an instinctive reaction at seeing Yuuri pull away, looking suddenly so cold and yet so lost at the same time, smaller than Viktor ever remembered seeing him before. It tugged at something deep in his heart and he opened his mouth again but cut himself off before he could speak when he felt Yuuri flinch back a little as he did so.

Yuuri had asked him not to speak. Viktor didn’t know why. Had no idea why Yuuri was even here with him. What had happened that had changed him so dramatically from the hesitant compliments of just over an hour before to grabbing Viktor and kissing him and looking like he was about to bolt as soon as Viktor made any move to speak.

There was so many things that Viktor wanted to say, needed to say, but he swallowed back the words, willing to do anything to rid Yuuri’s face of the expression that had marred it the second Viktor had opened his mouth.

Yuuri had asked him if he wanted to stop and there was nothing he wanted less. When they were apart he could remember how wrong everything had gone the last time this had happened, how much it had stung to see Yuuri leave in the morning without a care in the world, leaving Viktor behind with nothing but memories that refused to leave and an ache in his chest.
But with Yuuri in his arms again, suddenly that all seemed so abstract and far away and unimportant. Had he not been thinking just hours ago that maybe there was progress happening for them, that finally their relationship had taken a turn for the better and was moving in a positive direction at last? That maybe their night together had changed more for Yuuri than he had initially realised?

And now Yuuri was here and kissing him so desperately and he might had told Viktor not to talk but suddenly Viktor realised that he would rather never speak a word again than push Yuuri away now that he was here. The last time they had rushed into this without talking it had ended badly but if he spoke now it would end now and he needed to hold onto Yuuri for so much longer than that.

Hesitantly he nodded, unhappy at the loss of the words he so desperately needed to say but willing to give them up nevertheless. Yuuri breathed what almost seemed to be a sigh of relief at the agreement but he didn’t lean back in to kiss Viktor again, instead simply waiting.

Still not fully sure if any of this was actually real or just a waking dream, Viktor moved the hand that was cupping Yuuri’s face to stroke his finger gently down the skin of Yuuri’s cheek, feeling the warmth that radiated off him everywhere their skin touched. Definitely real. With the speed and complete unexpectedness of what had happened, for a second, Viktor honestly hadn’t been sure.

Moving his finger lower, Viktor brushed it lightly over Yuuri’s lips. Just like Yuuri had done to him less than a year ago, right before everything had changed forever.

Why are you doing this? The voice in the back of his mind screamed and this time Viktor found it much easier to push away. He was doing it because it was Yuuri. There was something about him, something that drew Viktor to him and made him never want to look away. Before it had been strong but now it was irresistible with Yuuri so close and looking at him the way he was, eyes dark and full of promise and need.

Viktor had tasted Yuuri once and now, when the temptation was in front of him again, he couldn’t bring himself to push it away. He’d taken one hit and now he was back for another because Yuuri was Yuuri and none of Viktor’s bad mistakes ever seemed like bad mistakes when he was near.

With his finger still resting on Yuuri’s lips, Viktor could feel Yuuri’s breath warm against his skin, slow and steady as they stood together in the corridor, the moment of silence stretching between them. Still looking him in the eye, Yuuri’s tongue darted out, catching Viktor’s finger into his mouth and sucking on it slightly, implication clear.

A dark flush appeared on Yuuri’s cheeks as he did so and Viktor was sure it was mirrored in his own face as his brain chose that exact moment to stop working for good.

Yuuri reached back up again and kissed him, slower and sweeter this time than he had ever done before, as if he were savouring the feeling of Viktor’s lips against his. One of his hands slid down from where it had been laced tightly into Viktor’s hair to rest lightly against his neck as Yuuri deepened the kiss and Viktor so desperately wanted to ask, to talk because this was nothing he had ever expected or anticipated or planned for. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to, couldn’t bring himself to break the pact he had made to Yuuri seconds before not to speak because if he did Yuuri would leave and somehow that seemed far worse than any of the other consequences his actions might now bring.

As they kissed, Yuuri’s touches became more demanding, more desperate as he kissed Viktor harder and pressed him backwards until Viktor’s shoulders hit the wooden surface of the door behind him. Viktor couldn’t help but respond in kind and Yuuri sighed into the touch, a pleased sound that sent all of the blood in Viktor’s body rushing from his head in an instant.

Pressing himself impossibly closer, Yuuri twined himself around Viktor, arms wrapping around his shoulders and leg sliding in between Viktor’s own. Viktor couldn’t help the soft noise he made at the contact, at the feeling of having Yuuri in his arms again. Almost without thinking, he slid his hands down Yuuri’s neck, across the planes of his shoulders and down the smooth curve of his back, pulling Yuuri in until every inch of their bodies were touching.

In response, Yuuri kissed him harder and Viktor allowed himself to be swept away, to lose himself in the feeling of Yuuri surrounding him, perfectly content to stay that way forever.

It seemed Yuuri didn’t share that sentiment though because no sooner had the thought crossed Viktor’s mind, Yuuri’s hand suddenly left its spot warm on the skin of his neck and instead grabbed at the door of Viktor’s room, swinging it open with ease and never once breaking the kiss.

Spinning around, Yuuri backed into the now open room, dragging Viktor along behind him as Viktor almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to follow. As Viktor passed through the doorway he kicked the door shut, hearing it slam behind them both. Yuuri’s hands were still twisted in the front of his shirt, dragging him along and Viktor was happy to follow Yuuri wherever he was lead.

Yuuri was still kissing him, nipping at his lips and breaking off only to spin Viktor around and push him backwards until the back of his legs hit the bed and he collapsed onto the mattress, still gazing up at Yuuri as his legs went weak beneath him. Without a moment of hesitation, Yuuri lowered himself gracefully down to straddle Viktor’s lap, his fingers sliding back into Viktor’s hair and tugging on it lightly in a way that made Viktor melt, allowing Viktor to wrap his own hands around Yuuri’s hips in return, holding him lightly in place.

As he balanced on Viktor’s legs, Yuuri shifted and Viktor couldn’t help his instinctive reaction at the movements, his body all too aware of how much he was enjoying having a dishevelled, very aroused Yuuri sitting in his lap. Yuuri was still kissing him and as he did so he rolled his hips, a slow deliberate movement that made Viktor groan beneath him, his eyes fluttering closed involuntarily at the feeling as he tried to get himself under control before Yuuri took him apart completely.

Yuuri was too much, all at once and Chris had warned him about the consequences of getting too close but Viktor would happily burn if it meant keeping Yuuri like this, with him, for just a few moments longer.

Wanting more and having no reason to restrain himself anymore, Viktor slid his hands from where they had been grasping Yuuri’s hips up under his shirt, fingers tightening into the muscles of Yuuri’s back and feeling how they tensed and flexed as Yuuri moved. Grinding back down on Viktor again and kissing him so deeply and passionately that Viktor was sure he would taste Yuuri on his lips for the rest of his life.

After a few more seconds, Yuuri’s fingers slid out of Viktor’s hair and Viktor almost whined at the loss before he realised what Yuuri was doing. Discarding his jacket onto the floor before dipping down to kiss Viktor again, a few brief seconds of heat before he broke the kiss to remove his shirt and toss it to join the jacket lying discarded carelessly on the floor.

Carefully, Viktor traced his eyes over every inch of Yuuri’s exposed skin, trying to commit each tiny detail to memory. Needing to burn the image into his mind forever, of Yuuri shirtless and perfect and entirely his, sitting in his lap like the worst kind of temptation. A forbidden fruit that Viktor knew he shouldn’t touch but one that he took anyway because he was human and he wanted so badly that it hurt.

Throughout so much of his life, Yuuri had been there. From the very first moment Viktor had seen him, Viktor had known. Known that on some level Yuuri was special, that on some level he was important in a way that Viktor might not understand himself yet but knew that it was true all the same. And then he had watched Yuuri skate and he had been fascinated, captivated.

Then over the years so much had grown and so much had changed and the rivalry grew between them in every mind but Viktor’s himself. And Yuuri had grown and changed with it and Viktor had been falling for so long until finally it happened for good and he was lost. And no matter what had happened since then, that fundamental truth still hadn’t shifted. Yuuri was everything and nothing like Viktor expected. Viktor had built his life on surprises and Yuuri was the single greatest surprise of them all.

There was a part of him, a large part, that knew what he was doing was irrational and stupid but he had made the same mistake once before and still learned nothing about resisting Yuuri. He wasn’t sure that he ever would.

From above him, Yuuri whined a little impatiently and tugged at Viktor’s shirt, fingers sliding tantalisingly over bare skin. Pulling the shirt off over his head as quickly as possible, Viktor tossed it to one side to land on top of Yuuri’s own.

One of Yuuri’s hands was still laced in his hair and Yuuri used it to pull Viktor’s head back, exposing the line of his throat and kissing his way down Viktor’s neck, leaving little sucking bitemarks in his wake. Sighing again in pleasure at the feeling, Viktor let Yuuri take full control, a shiver of eagerness working its way down his spine when Yuuri pushed him back to lie flat on the bed and crawled to hover directly above him, looking down at Viktor with desire clearly written across his face.

Once they were both lying fully on the mattress Yuuri reached down, unbuttoning Viktor's trousers with none of the hesitance that he had shown the last time. Yuuri's skin was hot against own and Viktor almost bit through his lip in an effort not to moan when Yuuri's hand grasped at his cock, rough touches just on the right side of pleasurable. Above him, he could see Yuuri's eyes glow with satisfaction at the reaction and the sight only made his pleasure grow.

Kicking off his shoes so that they fell from the end of the bed and landed with a soft thud on the floor, Viktor let Yuuri pull his trousers and boxers off until he was lying fully naked under Yuuri, who was still shirtless and beautiful above him.

Overwhelmed by the need to have Yuuri close, Viktor reached up to slide his hands through the soft strands of Yuuri's hair, pulling him down until their lips met again and he could lose himself in the feeling. Unlike the last time they had done this, this time Yuuri kissed with his eyes closed and Viktor wanted to beg his to open them, look at me just like I can't take my eyes off of you.

There was no time for him to speak the words however, not that he could even if he'd wanted to, with Yuuri's strange rule that was proving more and more frustrating by the minute still in place. He had followed Yuuri's wishes because there had been something in Yuuri in that moment, something fragile and delicate and something that it almost seemed like words might break if he went against what Yuuri had requested of him and spoken. But the desire to say something, anything, was mounting with every passing moment.

Yuuri pulled away as quickly as the thought had crossed Viktor's mind, sliding up the bed and pulling open the bedside drawer.

It took Viktor a few seconds to realise what he was looking for but when he did, he was suddenly incredibly grateful of his ingrained habit of keeping supplies there just in case, drilled into him years ago by Yakov when he was younger and stupider and Yakov had seen enough young skaters make idiotic mistakes.

It seemed strange, that Yuuri had come here for Viktor but hadn't brought anything with him at all. Although, there was no proof that he had come here for Viktor at all and the thought made a shiver of unpleasant coldness run sharply down Viktor's spine. Viktor had been leaving his room when Yuuri jumped him, their meeting in the corridor could have been complete coincidence or chance. Yuuri might have been doing anything, looking for anyone. Viktor had no idea why Yuuri was here, why he had chosen to come.

'I'll see you next season Nikiforov,' Yuuri had said and maybe this had been what he meant. That he was intending to come back for more when the next season rolled around and they were conveniently in the same place again.

The thoughts were unpleasant and only served to confuse Viktor more about the situation. He felt like he was missing something, some vital piece of the puzzle that would slot smoothly into place and suddenly make all of Yuuri's seemingly irrational choices make perfect sense.

He had told Viktor that he hated him during the most intimate of moments but he had skated Viktor's routine with a care and love that only hundreds of hours of practice and devotion could buy. He had left Viktor with a casual dismissal the next day and yet just hours ago he had stood on the podium below Viktor without his usual air of hostility, had congratulated Viktor afterwards on his win like something important had finally changed between them. And here he was now, appearing out of no-where with no explanation and no warning, just heated touches and burning kisses that made Viktor forget why being with Yuuri again was such a bad idea.

Turning back from the drawer, Yuuri chucked something at Viktor and he caught it on instinct, years of athletic training honing his reflexes to respond instantly. Glancing down, Viktor saw the familiar wrapper and looked back up at Yuuri, startled by the abruptness of the action. Yuuri didn't seem to care, face still flushed from all the kissing and turning away from Viktor, sliding out of the last of his clothes without once looking back, obviously expecting Viktor to get on with it himself.

Feeling the first twinges of hesitance, Viktor tore the packet open and slid the condom on, feeling strange and awkward to be doing it so far away from the person he was doing it for. Across the bed from him, Yuuri had opened up the bottle of lube and was working himself open quickly, looking like he took no pleasure in the action at all.

Viktor wanted to touch Yuuri, wanted to make him feel good. To gasp his pleasure out loud for Viktor to hear him. Or at least to be allowed to watch as Yuuri brought himself pleasure, to kiss him senseless while Yuuri worked himself open until they were both panting and desperate and ready. It felt so wrong, so impersonal to be so far away, with Yuuri keeping his distance and angled away from Viktor as he prepared himself.

After what seemed like far too short an amount of time, Yuuri crawled back over to where Viktor was half-sitting, half lying on the mattress, leaning down to seal their mouths together again in another hungry kiss. Licking deep into Viktor's mouth and swinging one leg over Viktor's own to straddle him, bare skin meeting heated flesh.

Yuuri shifted, deliberately rolling his hips and making Viktor moan, half in pleasure and half in anticipation. The strangeness of the earlier moment was gone, lost in the haze of heat and feeling. Looking up, Viktor couldn't help but marvel at the sight of Yuuri above him, completely in control and stunning in his entirety.

Reaching between them, Yuuri grasped Viktor's cock with a lube slicked hand, running his fingers up and down the length, spreading the liquid generously before lining himself up and sinking down with a bitten off gasp of pleasure mixed with pain.
Viktor had barely had time to brace himself for what was about to happen and the sudden feeling of being inside Yuuri, of Yuuri surrounding him, joined together like they had never been parted, was too much. Even if he had been allowed to speak he wouldn't have been able to, too overwhelmed by sensation.

After a few seconds he came back to himself and it was only then that he noticed the expression on Yuuri's face, the way he squirmed and bucked a little. Even as the movements caused new waves of pleasure to roll through Viktor, they were quickly overtaken by concern for the man above him. Yuuri hadn't exactly gone slow when he had taken Viktor inside himself and his preparations had been far shorter than Viktor would have chosen if it had been him either preparing Yuuri himself or being on the receiving end. Yuuri didn't look to be in pain but he also didn't look entirely comfortable either, wincing a little as he shifted again.

Viktor wanted to reassure him, to tell him to stop if he needed to, to be allowed to do more than just sit there, trying desperately to resist the urge to move in favour of letting Yuuri adjust to the feeling. After a couple of seconds Yuuri moved, rolling his hips and running a hand up his own cock to bring it back to full hardness. Viktor still urgently wanted to try and reassure Yuuri, to wipe away the discomfort from earlier even if he couldn't use words to do it.

Instead he tried to speak to Yuuri through touch alone, running his hands up and down Yuuri's sides in a soothing gesture, gentle and slow. He wanted Yuuri to take his time, to go as slowly as he needed or not at all if that was what he wanted. Viktor could feel the way his throat was moving, his jaw clenching as he bit back words that he desperately wanted to say. More and more he was beginning to regret agreeing to the bizarre demand. But he could see the way Yuuri watched him, tensing ever so slightly every time it looked like Viktor was about to speak and so he stayed silent, waiting.

Yuuri leant down again and Viktor met him halfway, trying to keep the kiss as gentle as possible and still running his hands lightly up and down the hot skin of Yuuri's sides, grounding them both in the moment. Yuuri rolled his hips again, slower this time and Viktor could feel his breath hitch at the sensation, could see the way that Yuuri's body responded to it too.

Seemingly encouraged, Yuuri moved again. Gradually he quickened his pace, fucking himself onto Viktor's cock and pushing Viktor back forcefully by the shoulders to lie flat on the bed again, allowing Yuuri to sink even deeper.

Viktor could feel his fingers digging bruises into Yuuri's skin but it was all he could do to prevent himself from moving. After what had happened before he was terrified of hurting Yuuri again, wanted to let him set his own pace and not push him too far too soon.

Yuuri reached down to grab his own cock again and Viktor reached up to join him, wanting to feel connected even slightly, aside from just a single point of contact and Yuuri taking his pleasure from Viktor's own body. It felt good but he needed more, needed some other kind of tangible connection to make it feel more than just simply animal pleasure.

The feelings of their hands joined together, making Yuuri gasp with every touch, helped. Bringing his other hand up to slide again into Yuuri's hair, Viktor brought Yuuri's head down again into another kiss and somehow that felt even better than anything that had come before it. The feeling of Yuuri's lips pressed against his own, tasting his gasps and moans and feeling the heat of his breath as Yuuri came apart above him. The kiss was gentle, almost sweet, and Viktor revelled in the feeling.

Unexpectedly, Yuuri's eyes fluttered open. They had fallen closed during the kiss just as they had done every time they had kissed that night, as though Yuuri was trying to lose himself in some way. In the feelings, in a memory, in a fantasy, Viktor had no idea which, if any. But as Viktor kissed him, as tenderly as he could with the curls of pleasure in his gut that Yuuri's steady movements still brought him, Yuuri's eyes fluttered open and he seemed to freeze for a second, before all the gentleness was lost from the kiss in an instant.

Suddenly Yuuri kissed hard, almost biting and began to move at a new brutal pace. It was hot and rough and needy and so very far removed from the tenderness of just seconds before. Viktor had no idea what caused the sudden change but he couldn't help but meet Yuuri's pace, finally allowing himself to let go and driving up into Yuuri to match his every move. Yuuri gasped and shivered at the additional sensation and it only pushed him to go faster, to kiss harder until they were both panting and desperate and completely lost.

Yuuri was devastating above him and Viktor wanted nothing more than to touch him, to prove to himself once again that this was real. Reaching up with one hand he cupped the back of Yuuri's head, stroking his hair just to feel the way the strands, now soaked with sweat and plastered to the nape of Yuuri's neck, felt beneath his fingers. At the same time he ran his thumb across Yuuri's cheek, tracing the outline of his cheekbone and watching hundreds of different emotions flash across Yuuri's face in a fraction of a second, each one buried as soon as it surfaced.

Yuuri clenched and shuddered around him, finally coming with a bitten off sigh but turning his head away as he did so, refusing to look Viktor in the eye. As if he didn't want to look at Viktor's face as he came, as if he didn't want to be reminded who was currently lying under him, who's body he was using to bring himself pleasure.

It hurt. Such a simple movement but it stung Viktor more deeply than he could ever say out loud. The feeling of Yuuri's release was enough to push him over the edge, arching back into the bed and tightening his fingers into Yuuri's hair as he did so, but the hurt still lingered even as pleasure rocked through him.

In the heat of the moment, Viktor couldn't help the choked off gasp of Yuuri's name that fell from his lips as he came, so many conflicting emotions twisting inside him and all of them summed up by that single word. As soon as the words left his lips Yuuri froze and too late, Viktor realised that he had just broken Yuuri's request not to speak if he wanted Yuuri to stay.

Yuuri stayed frozen for a couple of seconds, looking down at Viktor who held his breath. Then Yuuri's eyes shuttered closed, all the emotion wiped from his face in a second and he swung himself off Viktor in one swift movement, sliding off the bed and leaving Viktor sitting there alone, mind still reeling.

Throwing a quick look over his shoulder, Yuuri grabbed his clothes from where they were lying on the floor, pulling them on quickly and refusing to look Viktor in the eye as he did so.

"Yuuri," Viktor tried because he had already spoken, had already driven Yuuri away and he needed at least an explanation to calm the sick feeling that was rising in his gut at the sight of Yuuri leaving.

"I'm..." Yuuri began and then trailed off, frown forming on his face as though he wasn't quite sure what to say.

"I...I'm leaving," he finally finished, as though that wasn't evident enough by the speed with which he had left the bed and pulled on his clothes. As though he couldn't bare to be in Viktor's presence for a second longer now that he had gotten what he came for.

Without even giving Viktor a chance to reply he turned and left the room, the door swinging shut with a harsh finality behind him.

For a few seconds Viktor simply sat in the silence, breathing loudly in the quiet of the room as he tried to calm his racing heart. The room suddenly felt very cold and he pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them to try and save some of the warm that Yuuri had taken with him when he had left.

In the heat of the moment he had been enjoying what had happened, had been able to look past Yuuri's insistence not to speak, the way he closed his eyes when he kissed Viktor and the way he had refused to look at Viktor's face as he came. But now each of those things was coming back with a vengeance, one on top of another until it formed a picture that Viktor didn't want to see but couldn't ignore any longer.

The way Yuuri had fucked him, he could have been anyone. Disposable. Interchangeable. Yuuri had told him not to speak because he didn't want to deal with Viktor's words, didn't want to bring Viktor the person into the bedroom when his only goal was to get off as fast as he could and leave straight after. Yuuri had refused to look at him, probably picturing some anonymous body or other beneath him, had closed his eyes when they kissed because he didn't want to see that it was Viktor he was kissing. Had rushed the preparation and almost hurt himself in his haste to get off and then leave as fast as possible. Had never once even said Viktor's name.

It hurt. It hurt so much that suddenly Viktor found that he could barely breathe as he curled in tighter on himself. He had thought...

He hadn't thought. That was the problem. He had been so caught up in his desire to be close to Yuuri again that he hadn't thought any of it through, hadn't questioned the way that Yuuri had been acting because at least he was here.

After the competition that day, Viktor had almost been able to believe that maybe they had made progress. That maybe the night they had spent together had changed something for Yuuri. That maybe the hatred had begun gradually to fade, that maybe something different had started to take its place.

But he was wrong, so wrong and he was stupid for ever believing otherwise. He didn't know why Yuuri had chosen to come to him not once now but twice but he knew now it was nothing to do with any interest Yuuri had in him, in him as Viktor and not whatever Yuuri wanted him to be. A rival to hate. And easy fuck. Whichever was more convenient for Yuuri at the time. He had asked Viktor not to speak, not to be anything other than a body to use and when Viktor had finally opened his mouth, Yuuri had left. Viktor never should have agreed to the request not to speak. Yuuri hadn't forced him to, Viktor had had a choice but he had chosen wrong.

Yuuri didn't want to talk. He never wanted to talk. He had been blocking Viktor off at every turn, cutting off every attempt Viktor made to speak about the one thing he so desperately wanted to know. And finally Yuuri had told him to shut up, had told him explicitly that he wasn't interested in hearing anything Viktor had to say.

'This is what I want from you.' he actions had said, clear as day and so very painful. 'Not you, not anything else you have to offer but this. This and nothing else.'

Viktor hadn't spoken and Yuuri had stayed. Then he had and Yuuri had left. Clearly trying to talk to Yuuri was a bad idea after all.

After a few minutes, Viktor finally moved from the bed. The smell of sweat and sex still clung to his skin and he wanted to be rid of it. The minute Yuuri had arrived he had forgotten nearly everything else but now that Yuuri was gone the real world had suddenly come creeping back in and he had to face the reality.

He was late for his meeting with Yakov. Very late. He had been late before, it was likely his coach was still waiting for him, but the longer he waited the higher the chances that Yakov would come looking for him and the last thing that Viktor wanted was for his coach to find him like this. Naked and alone surrounded by rumpled sheets and a lover long gone.

Motivated by that thought if nothing else, he finally dragged himself from the bed and into the shower, scrubbing the last traces of the encounter from his skin and letting the hot water burn through his body as he did so. When he was finally finished he redressed in fresh clothes and made his way down to the hotel bar, not able to bring himself to care that his hair was still damp and clinging unpleasantly to the back of his neck.

After a few seconds of searching he spotted Yakov, sitting alone and nursing a drink, looking irritated. The irritated look only deepened when he spotted Viktor from across the room and he motioned for Viktor to sit as soon as he was close enough, an air of finality about he sharp movement.

"What took you so long?" Yakov asked and he voice was sharp and angry. Usually Viktor would have laughed it off but this time he just lowered his head slightly, letting his hair fall to cover his eyes and hoping it hid the expression on his face from his coach.

"I lost track of time," he said, trying to keep his tone light. As soon as he glanced up to see the look in Yakov's eyes he knew that he had failed.

"You're lying." Yakov told him, eyes narrowed. "And your hair is still wet. Since there's been no rain today I assume that means you took a shower a few minutes ago, long after you were already supposed to meet me. And that means you were trying to hide something. If you choose to fool around during a competition like a teenager Vitya you could at least have the courtesy to not do it..."

Yakov trailed off, eyes narrowing into slits as he took in Viktor's posture and the expression in his face which Viktor was sure was looking far more guilty than would escape anyone's notice, especially Yakov's.

"It was Katsuki again wasn't it?" Yakov stated and the protest was already forming on his tongue before Viktor pushed it back. What would be the point in lying? Something in his face had clearly given it away and there was no reason now to hide the truth. Instead he just nodded, body tense, and Yakov's face darkened from a frown into a full on scowl.

"I told you to stay away from him," Yakov growled and Viktor's head snapped up, irritation flashing in his eyes. The last thing he needed right now was a lecture, on top of everything else.

"And since when have I ever listened to what you say," he shot back, feeling a sour sense of satisfaction when he saw how the words riled up his coach, just as he'd intended. Distantly he knew that he was lashing out but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Maybe this time you should have," Yakov retorted, eyes flashing dangerously. "Considering when we got back from the hotel and from the look of you, he clearly didn't stay very long. Just long enough to get exactly what he came for and leave you to deal with the rest."

"My personal life is none of your business." Viktor could feel anger begin to rise in his chest, all his emotions already rubbed raw and close to the surface. "What's it to you who I do and don't choose to sleep with. I'm an adult and you're my coach, not my father."

Yakov didn't respond to the words but Viktor could almost feel the temperature in the room drop several degrees as Yakov straightened up, face cold.

"You're right, your personal life is none of my business," he said and the tone of his voice sent a shiver down Viktor's spine. "But your skating, your career? That is."

For a second he paused, waiting for Viktor to respond and when he didn't Yakov continued in his place.

"Why do you think he's sleeping with you, Viktor?" Yakov asked but it wasn't a question. "It's not because he likes you. It's definitely not because he loves you." The words were almost spat out and Viktor couldn't help but flinch a little in response. He knew that Yuuri didn't love him, had know it for a long time now but that didn't stop him wanting. It only made the reality harder to deal with.

"He's a good skater and I used to respect him for that. But he hates you and he's turned people against you. He resents your success and he's willing to do everything in his power to tear you down.You're not stupid Viktor. You know exactly what he's doing. Exactly what he's after. There's only one thing in this world that he cares about and it's certainly not you."

The implication in the words were clear and the mere thought made Viktor sick. But it wasn't true, that much he knew. Yuuri had come to him for something casual, something anonymous and easy. Something he could have found with anyone. But he certainly wasn't sleeping with Viktor to win a gold medal. Yuuri was a lot of things but he was a talented skater and he always won over Viktor fair and square. He had done so before this whole thing started and if he did again it would be on his own merit, not because he had taken Viktor to bed.

Yuuri would never do that. He might still be a mystery in so many ways but he prided himself in his skating and worked harder than anyone else Viktor had ever met to achieve what he did. He would never resort to such a cheap and dirty trick.

"You're wrong," Viktor told Yakov, and this at least he could be sure about. "This has nothing to do with winning. It's between him and me and no-one else."

Yakov shook his head and suddenly his eyes were sad.

"He's manipulating you Vitya," he sighed. "And you just refuse to see it. But one day you will and it will hurt you all the more for it. I can't stop you from doing what you're doing but I told you to stay away from him once before and I'll do it again. Don't let him become a distraction. And if you do, the next time you stand under him on the podium, ask yourself if you lost because of his skating, or if you lost because of him."

The rest of his meeting with Yakov was fraught with tension and Viktor escaped as soon as he could back to his hotel room. The room was still exactly as he had left it earlier, sheets rumpled and dirty, incriminating evidence of what had happened mere hours before. There was no escape from the memories in the room, the awful dichotomy between the feelings of joy and pleasure he had felt in the beginning and the deep burning ache at what had come after, when Yuuri had left him so suddenly with barely a backward glance.

Yuuri wanted something casual, something convenient when they were at competitions together and Viktor was his easiest option. Viktor had done casual but this was different because it was Yuuri and that meant so much more to him than just single nights. And before, people's who's company he had shared in temporary arrangements he had always taken the time to get to know before and continue to be friendly with after. It had never been so impersonal before, so quick and with so little care. Yuuri hadn't even stayed the night like last time and now it seemed unlikely that he ever would again.

Sleeping with other people before had never made him feel so cheap, so used.

Part of it was his own fault. He had known what Yuuri had wanted last time this had happened and yet he had slept with him again. Thinking that maybe things were changing between them, maybe Yuuri might come to want more.

But he didn't and Viktor had to accept that. Yuuri came to him for sex and had made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing else. Viktor couldn't blame him for that part at least, they had never agreed to anything more.

But he could blame Yuuri for what came after because it hurt, how little Yuuri cared. Telling him not to speak, leaving straight after, treating Viktor like something to be used and discarded once he had what he came for. That hurt far more than just his leaving last time had done.

The whole encounter had made Viktor feel so much worse than before and when he finally drifted off to sleep he tried to ignore the smell of Yuuri still lingering on the sheets, the ache in his chest and the dampness of the pillow where the silent tears fell.

Viktor was standing on a podium and Yuuri was by his side.

That was the first hint that he had that this wasn't reality, that this was simply a dream because one of them was always standing below the other in the waking world. Always competing, a never-ending war for victory that always left one stranded on a lower step.

But here, they were together. The lower podiums were both empty which was strange because Viktor was sure that they were usually full. All around them was noise and light, the roiling crowds of a stadium but when Viktor looked he couldn't make out any distinct faces. Just a press of bodies and the flash of a thousand cameras that almost blinded him when he tried to focus on a single one.

The roar of voices was indistinct too and Viktor couldn't make out a single word of what was being said, or even what language it was being said in. It was every stadium he had ever been in and none of them at the same time.

Looking away from the crowds he turned back to Yuuri, standing next to him on the highest podium and waving out to the crowds with a smile. His dark hair was slicked back just like it always was when he was skating and his costume was a mess of colour, shifting and reforming with the dream. Bright reds and yellows and oranges, like a flickering flame, never staying still for more than a second. It was nothing Viktor had ever seen Yuuri wear in the waking world before and that just made the dream feel all the more surreal.

When Viktor tried to focus on the medal strung loose around Yuuri's neck he realised that was constantly flickering too, with each flash of light reflecting off its metal surface. Gold, silver, gold, silver. Always changing.

Before Viktor had a chance to make any sense of the strange dream he found himself in, Yuuri had turned towards him, the bright lights of the cameras reflected in his eyes and making them flash dangerously as he appraised Viktor. The look was intense and it almost made Viktor want to look away but he was held fast by the gaze, locked in place and unable to move.

Yuuri took a step towards him, their joint positions on the podium bringing him face to face with Viktor instantly, with barely an inch of space between them. Looking up at Viktor from under his dark eyelashes he tilted his head slightly, gaze almost curious. With one hand he reached out, fingers running lightly over the medal that Viktor hadn't even realised was strung around his own neck, the gold glinting brightly in the harsh light.

Suddenly, without warning, Viktor felt the strap around his neck tighten in an instant as Yuuri wrapped the fabric in his fist and used it to yank Viktor forwards, tugging Viktor down into a burning kiss that Viktor melted into instantly, kissing back and feeling like he could barely breathe at the feeling of Yuuri's lips on his.

The hand on Viktor's medal tightened and suddenly Viktor found that his lack of breath was not just from the intensity of the kiss anymore. Yuuri's hand was twisted in the strap, the material slowly tightening around Viktor's neck until it was digging painfully into his skin and his breath was coming out in sharp pants as his fought to get in enough air, his lungs beginning to burn as his airway was cut off.

Panicking, Viktor brought both his hands up to his neck, clawing at the material still wrapped tightly around his throat, trying desperately to loosen it and breathe again. A distant part of him still recognised this as a dream, knew rationally that he was in no danger, that none of this was real. But that didn't stop the fear rising within him or ease the pain in his chest as he continued to fight for breath.

Yuuri broke the kiss but instead of letting Viktor go he him pulled him closer, until Yuuri's lips were level with Viktor's ear. The words were hushed, whispered, breathed into the fractional space between them but Viktor heard them all the same.

Instinctively he flinched back, feeling his feet hit the back edge of the podium and he staggered, Yuuri's hand grasping the medal at his throat the only thing keeping him from falling.

Yuuri looked at him for a second, the moment seeming to drag into eternity. Then, he let go.

Before, Viktor could have sworn that there was an ice rink just below the podium. But as soon as Yuuri let him go he fell and there was nothing there to catch him. The rink had simply disappeared and in its place was a gaping pit of nothingness and he was falling, falling, he couldn't stop himself from falling.

And as he fell the only thing he could see was Yuuri's face high above him and the words that Yuuri had whispered echoed all around them as Viktor fell, closing his eyes and bracing for an impact that never came.

"Oh Viktor," Yuuri had whispered and his voice was full of pity. "Did you honestly believe that this could ever be love."

KATSUKI AND NIKIFOROV'S SCANDALOUS SECRET LOVE AFFAIR

Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki, notorious skating rivals and bitter enemies, are involved in a secret love affair that will shock the world. And insider source recently revealed the shocking truth behind these so called 'rivals'.

"It's all a lie," the source revealed. "They've actually known each other for years and they faking the rivalry for the fame and sponsorship money. It's all just ruse and it's time for the world to know the truth."

Nikiforov and Katsuki are figure skaters notorious for their mutual hatred of one another and the tension between the two is something that had kept skating fans on the edges of their seats for years. But after this new revelation, the tension that they show out on the ice might be a very different kind to the negative type we all previously believed.

There are multiple claims of the Katsuki/Nikiforov relationship going well beyond the professional or antagonistic, with one source close to the pair revealing the truth about their hidden house in Russia where the pair often visit to carry on their secret love affair in private. Nikiforov and Katsuki might act as cold as ice when they're near each other in public but now the secret is out that their relationship is much steamier behind closed doors.

When will the pair finally come clean and reveal this shocking truth to the world? Subscribe to keep up with all the latest gossip.

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Most of the skaters left as soon as the official events officially ended but a handful stayed for a few more days before packing up and flying home. Yuuri was long gone but Chris had stayed behind and Viktor took full advantage of his friend's presence. They spoke often but outside of competitions it was difficult for them to see each other. They both had busy schedules and trained relentlessly and visits were few and far between.

The night after most skaters left they had arranged to meet in a local bar as per tradition and the company mixed with alcohol did wonders for taking Viktor's mind off recent events, even if it was only for a little while.

For the first few hours he allowed Chris to talk, promoting him to continue when it looked like Chris was about to turn the topic of conversation to something other than himself. Thankfully if was relatively easy to keep him talking. Chris had a new crush, a man who's name Viktor hadn't quite caught but Chris had shown him a picture and the man was attractive, with brown hair and kind eyes. It was clear that Chris was head over heels already and Viktor hoped that it would work out for him. It was nice, to sit and listen to someone who was so obviously in love and so confident that there love would be returned.

After a couple of hours of Chris waxing poetic about his new man, the topic of conversation eventually swung around to Viktor. By that point there were enough empty glasses littering the table for his earlier reluctance to have faded away and for his tongue to be far looser than normal.

Sober, Viktor probably would have steered clear of the topic of Yuuri altogether but in their mutually tipsy state he found himself spilling the whole story to Chris. The way that Yuuri had spoken to him after the competition and how his traitorous heart had leapt at the thought that maybe finally they were moving into more friendly territory after the night they shared. How Yuuri had appeared outside his hotel room with no warning, how he had told Viktor not to speak and Viktor had agreed to because he was a fool and Yuuri's touch made him forget anything and everything else. How Yuuri had left straight after with barely a few words and a backwards glance and the last shred of hope that Viktor had that maybe things were changing, that maybe this time would be different, was extinguished.

"I don't even really know why he came in the first place, one minute he was there and the next..." Viktor finished off with a vague motion of his hand, a little haphazard from the alcohol in his system and Chris sighed, running a hand through he hair and looking away for a second as if he was still trying to take it all in.

"Viktor, he asked you not to talk during sex," Chris finally said, voice blunt although his face was full of concern. "He's clearly not interested in your charming personality. He came to you because you’ve got a pretty face and a big dick and you’re smitten enough and stupid enough to do whatever he asks without question. And who knows, maybe the whole 'ultimate rivals' thing gets him off."

The words were said lightly, like a joke, but they both knew there was nothing funny about the situation and neither of them laughed.

"You've got to stop sleeping with him Viktor." Chris continued and Viktor sighed because he knew that it was true. "He clearly wants casual and you want more and those two things never work well together. Trust me, I've tried it before and all you're going to end up with is a broken heart."

"I know," Viktor said softly, knocking back the rest of his drink and signalling the bartender for another. The competition was over and he could afford to let loose for once, even if it was still technically mid-season.

Chris was right. Viktor might still love Yuuri. Might still enjoy having him as a rival, as the person who had brought inspiration back into his skating and constantly pushed him to go bigger and further and better. Might still hope deep down that maybe one day Yuuri would get over his inexplicable resentment of Viktor and they could become friends. But he wouldn't sleep with him again. Everything that had first drawn him to Yuuri was still there. But every rose had its thorns and Yuuri's were sharp and they had cut Viktor every single time he had gotten too close.

And so Viktor was done. They had never put a label on what was happening between them, had never even discussed it but now Yuuri had made it very clear what he wanted and what he didn't. And it hurt because Viktor wanted more, he always had and both times Yuuri had left him now he had left Viktor feeling much worse than before. So he was done. Chris was right, it would only break his heart if he continued.

Yuuri was like a drug and Viktor had kept giving in, had kept coming back for more. But that was the last hit, the last time. Viktor promised himself that.

Over the next couple of weeks, Viktor tried resolutely to put Yuuri Katsuki out of his mind. Something that was proving slightly difficult considering his entire free skate was devoted to Yuuri but he was trying.

The routine that he had once skated to so perfectly, that had landed him a gold medal and a score just scraping below his previous world record, suddenly felt awkward and unsatisfying every time he stepped out onto the ice. Something had been lost and now when he skated the movements were robotic, muscle memory carrying him through the complex sequences with ease but with no emotion behind them.

The last time he had skated the routine in competition it was driven by the memory of Yuuri on their first night, the perfect moment when they had simply laid together, wrapped in each other's arms and in a comfortable silence as they drifted off into sleep. It had been a good memory when he skated to it, treasured regardless of everything else. But now the memory was soured by the knowledge that clearly Yuuri had felt nothing in that moment considering his eagerness to not recreate the memory again the next time they had been together. And the routine had lost everything that had once made it special.

Viktor could tell that Yakov was growing frustrated with him and finally his coach called him into his office after a thoroughly average practice, the other skaters watching with badly hidden curiosity as he went. Average might be good enough for some but it never would be for Viktor, nor Yakov who knew exactly what he could do and had often pushed him to breaking point to be able to do it.

"What do you call that kind of practice?" Yakov asked as soon as Viktor sat down in the chair opposite his desk.

"It was fine," Viktor replied, although he knew that it wasn't. Other skaters might be content with what he had done but he wasn't just any other skater. He had devoted his whole life to becoming the living legend and now he couldn't be anything else. He wasn't allowed to be. "I landed all my jumps didn't I?"

"Your jumps?" Yakov snorted, making a dismissive gesture with his hand as he did so. "Your jumps have never been the problem and you know it. You're leagues ahead of the rest of the competition in jumps and it will take them years to catch up. But Yuuri Katsuki beat you last season with two quads and a perfect presentation score. If you don't improve by Worlds he will do it again Vitya, mark my words."

"No, he won't." Viktor gritted his teeth as he said it, the words almost painful as he ground them out. He wouldn't let that happen, not now. He couldn't expect Yuuri to return he feelings, knew that it was unfair to expect it. But there was still a part of him that resented Yuuri for what had happened between them the last time they had met and he was determined to beat the other man to the podium at Worlds, no matter what. The golds this year were his, Yuuri would just have to make himself content with second place.

"He will." Yakov shot back, refusing to back down. "I warned you what he was doing when he was taking you to bed and you refused to listen. But look at you. You've been distracted for weeks and I can guarantee you that he is not feeling the same. His coach seems very confident that he'll take home the gold at Worlds and with the state you're in, I'm inclined to believe him."

There was a thump and a hushed gasp from the doorway and both of their heads snapped round in an instant, just in time to catch a flash of red hair as it disappeared from the crack where the door wasn't shut all the way.

"Mila," Yakov growled, striding over to the door and yanking it open to reveal a young red-haired girl trying to sneak back down the corridor without being seen.

"Inside, now!" he barked and she slunk into the office reluctantly, eyes fixed on Viktor.

"I swear, if you weren't such a good skater I'd have thrown you out long ago." Yakov growled but Viktor had known him for years and he could hear the hint of exasperated fondness in the tone, well hidden though it was beneath the anger. "You're far too nosey for your own good."

The teenager didn't respond, instead keeping her gaze fixed on Viktor, eyes bright with gleeful curiosity.

"Is it true you're actually sleeping with Yuuri Katsuki, Viktor?" she asked with the tone of someone who had found out they had just won the lottery. Knowing how much the younger skater loved to gossip, she probably felt like she had.

Knowing Mila, the news would be around the rink the minute she stepped out of Yakov's office, regardless of what their coach told her. Skater's secrets stayed within the rink, everyone knew far too much about everyone else for it to be otherwise, but the news would get out to his rink-mates and there was nothing Viktor could do now to stop it. His only consolation was that eventually the news would have spilled anyway. Nothing remained a secret forever in such a close knit group and especially not something as big as this.

"Viktor, you can leave. Mila, stay." Yakov's were were quiet and firm, with none of the frustration of a few minutes earlier. His eyes were fixed on Mila who gulped slightly at the sight but her eyes kept flicking over to Viktor and she shifted restlessly, as though there was still more that she wanted to ask him.

Standing up quickly, Viktor left the room. He didn't want to be questioned anymore today, or to think any more about the dark haired skater who was now ingrained so permanently into his life.

When the World Championships finally rolled around again, Viktor was determined to spend as much of it avoiding Yuuri as possible. All his emotions about the other skater were so impossibly tangled and he wanted to focus on skating, on winning, just like he always should have done.

It should have been easy. It was what he had done when he was younger, the only thing he had ever thought about until winning became the norm and his inspiration began to trickle away, growing more and more uninspired and lost until Yuuri...
Viktor shook his head, trying to clear it of the traitorous thoughts that somehow kept slipping back into his mind no matter how hard he tried to push them away.

Thankfully, Yuuri was being equally as elusive and Viktor hardly saw him aside from the official practices. And even then the two of them hardly glanced each other's way as they danced around each other on the ice, weaving in and out of the other skaters as they prepared for the competition ahead.

Yuuri placed ahead of him in the short program and that only drove Viktor's determination to win further. Skating had always been the one thing in his life that he knew above all else, the only thing he had when everything else was stripped away. His love of the sport had been dwindling when there was no real competition but now there was a challenge and it was one that he was determined to meet.

He wouldn't let Yakov be proven right, what had happened between him and Yuuri wouldn't affect him as a skater at all. He would win back his world title and then...well, he'd deal with the next part when got there.

During the early practice, Viktor noticed Yuuri flubbing a quad Salchow and he had to suppress his flinch as Yuuri hit the ice hard. The other skater sprang up again easily, looking frustrated with himself and Viktor let out a breath of relief that no serious damage had been done.

During the final warm up later that day, just before they were due to skate, he noticed Yuuri repeating the jump over and over again as he circled the rink, dodging and weaving around the other skaters as he did so, looking relaxed and confident.

The sight made Viktor think back to a conversation so long ago, when they had both been young and he had had no idea just what Yuuri Katsuki would grow up to be. Back then he had had an inkling, seen the potential, been captivated by the young boy's skating. But now, with Yuuri in his full glory, it was hard to imagine him as the same little blushing fifteen year old who still couldn't land a quad.

Yuuri had grown so much since then, in looks and in skating until now here he was, twenty one and a champions many times over, the envy of many other skaters and adored by thousands of fans. Just like Viktor. They were so similar in some ways and yet so different in others and for every one thing he knew about Yuuri it seemed like there were a thousand others that were still a complete mystery. He still desperately wanted to know Yuuri, but now it seemed like he never would. A mystery that would remain forever unsolved.

Viktor mulled the thoughts over as he ran through his routine, the familiar movements needing no thought behind them as he glided across the ice. Flashes of colour danced all around him as the other skaters zipped past, jumping and spinning across the ice.

Viktor turned around, preparing to enter the last few moves of his routine and a flash of blue and black was all the warning he got before something slammed into him, sending him reeling across the ice.

The sudden impact threw him off balance, the object hitting his him bodily on his right side and the force of the crash sending him staggering to his knees, only just able to break his fall before he hit the ice completely. Bracing his hands against the ice he hissed as he felt the skin there scrap away, palms rubbed raw from the effort to break his own fall.

The whole right side of his body ached, his knees were bruised and his hands were throbbing. The adrenaline was still coursing through him and his breath was coming out in harsh pants as he fought to get himself back under control. The roar of the crowd had dulled as instinct took over but now it came rushing back even louder than before, gasps and screams and cries echoing louder and louder around the stadium.

He must have crashed into another skater, Viktor realised. He had been distracted and they must have been too. It had never happened to him in competition before but he had seen it happen to others. All it took was bad timing and a single moment of lost attention and the damage was done. Running a quick mental check of his body, Viktor noted that he seemed to not have come off too worse for the wear. Bruised and sore yes but still upright at least.

It was then that he looked up, and his whole world came to a screeching, grinding halt as he saw what was in front of him.
There was a body lying on the ice. Twisted awkwardly and splayed out, unmoving where they lay. The other skater's head was twisted to one side, resting on the cool surface and facing away from Viktor but Viktor would have recognised the figure anywhere, even without the familiar blue and black skating jacket that he knew so well.

For a second, everything froze. And then Viktor was up and running, he skates slipping awkwardly against the ice as his legs swayed beneath him. Distantly he could see the medics at the side of the rink but he got there first, stumbling to his knees and sliding the last few feet to where Yuuri lay, still deathly still.

As soon as Viktor reached him the first thing he noticed was Yuuri's chest and he almost cried in relief when he saw the way it was moving, heaving and awkward as he tried to drag in breath but moving all the same.

Fumbling on the slippery surface of the ice, Viktor slid himself around Yuuri's prone figure until he could see his face, cheek resting against the ice and eyes open, distant and far away.

"Yuuri!" he called out and he could hear the panic in his voice, twisted into every word. Hazily, Yuuri blinked a few times, one of his hands twitching slightly, fingers curling, but he didn't respond. His eyes were still unfocused and as Viktor watched they rolled up into the back of his head and his eyelids fluttered closed. Yuuri's whole body went limp and his breathing evened out as he slid into unconsciousness.

In a panic, Viktor reached out to him but he stopped himself just in time. There was no way to tell just how badly Yuuri was hurt and to touch him now could make the situation so much worse. Instead, Viktor hovered around him, desperately wanting to reach out to Yuuri but knowing that he couldn't. After a few seconds the medics arrived onto the ice next to him and Viktor allowed himself to be pulled back, making room for the stretcher as it was carried onto the rink.

Standing back, he watched as Yuuri was carried away and then followed instantly, yanking his skates off the minute he left the ice and hurrying after as quickly as he could. Distantly he heard Yakov call his name but he ignored it.

Yuuri's coach joined him a second later and he shot a glance at Viktor, eyes narrowed. For a second Viktor thought that the other man was about to send him away, not that he would have gone anyway, but there must have been something in his face that reassured the coach because he said nothing. Just turned away and continued to follow the trail of officials to the medical rooms.

Yakov caught up to them both shortly afterwards and they all walked into the medical bay together. On the far side of the room a doctor was looking over Yuuri and Celestine went to her instantly. Yuuri shifted a little on the bed, eyes still closed and Viktor let out a sigh of relief at the movement.

He was just about to walk over to Yuuri when Yakov's hand on his shoulder stopped him, forcing him down to sit in a chair.
"Sit." he told Viktor and his tone was stern, eyes full of concern. "And stay. Don't you dare move from that chair until someone has looked you over or you will regret it."

Hesitantly, Viktor obeyed. Yakov left, presumably to go and deal with the mess that the crash had created and a young nurse took his place. On autopilot Viktor followed his instructions, removing his shirt and allowing the man to run through a series of checks, hissing again in discomfort as some of the movements pulled on the newly formed bruises scattered across his shoulder and chest and periodically throwing glances across the room to where Yuuri lay.

Yuuri's coach left the room after a quick talk with the doctor and a few seconds after he left Yuuri began to shift, groaning a little as he moved, eyes still closed. Quickly, Viktor shook off the nurse and practically sprinted the short distance across the room, arriving by Yuuri's bed just in time to see the other man's eyes flutter open.

It had only been a few minutes at most since Yuuri's eyes had first fallen shut but to Viktor, it felt like it had been a lifetime since he had last seen those familiar brown irises staring back at him.

Suddenly Yuuri sat up, swaying a little at the rapid movement and Viktor pulled back quickly to avoid knocking their heads together.

“Ah good, you’re awake,” the doctor said from the other side of Yuuri's bed and they both turned to look at her at the same time. Looking at Viktor she raised one perfectly arched eyebrow and he backed off slightly, shuffling away from the bed as Yuuri sat up fully, wincing as he did so and reaching up to tentatively feel the lump that was beginning to form where his head must have hit the ice.

The doctor turned back to Yuuri, smiling at him kindly as she spoke again.

“Mr Katsuki, I need you to look at me for a moment.” she said and Yuuri turned to her, shaking his head a little as he did so, blinking rapidly as if trying to get his eyes to focus. Suddenly, Viktor wondered if Yuuri could see. He had no idea if the other skater wore contacts or not when skating and he was about to offer to go and look for Yuuri's glasses, wanting to help in whatever way he could, but he was stopped by then doctor speaking again.

Mr Katsuki you just had quite a nasty crash. I just need to run a couple of things through with you to make sure you’re ok is that alright?”

Yuuri nodded in response and Viktor looked at him, trying to see if any lasting damage had been done. Yuuri was awake and aware, sitting up and responding and he didn't seem to be in too much pain. The lump on his head was red and ugly but apart from that Yuuri didn't look too severely hurt. Presumably the doctor had checked him over for other injuries as well. With that knowledge in mind, Viktor allowed himself to relax slightly.

“Just follow my finger with your eyes," the doctor said, holding up the finger of one hand and sliding it back and forth, Yuuri's eyes following it as it moved. "I need to make sure that hit to your head wasn’t any worse than we originally thought.”

The doctor took out a small pen light from her pocket and shone it into Yuuri's eyes and a Viktor could see the way his pupils shrank in response, expanding again as soon as the brightness was removed.

“That’s good," The doctor told Yuuri with a smile. “There’s no fracture or major injury to your skull, just a bad case of bruising. Your pupils seem to be responding normally and your eyes are tracking so we can rule out anything too serious. I just need to ask you a few questions to make sure your memory is fine and then I can leave you alone.”

Yuuri nodded in response and she continued.

“What’s your name?”

“Katsuki Yuuri.” Yuuri replied, the words rolling off his tongue like water. Yuuri's name sounded different coming from his own mouth, much prettier than the way anyone else said the words.

The doctor asked a few more questions but Viktor paid them no attention, instead choosing to focus on Yuuri himself. As the conversation had gone on he sat up straighter and his voice became more confident for which Viktor was eternally grateful. After a few seconds he moved his gaze to the doctor, trying to gauge her reaction. She was looking pleased with Yuuri's answers, making a few notes on the clipboard that she was holding.

“Right, it looks like there isn’t any serious or permanent injury but I just need to run through a couple of things you’ll need to do to avoid any nasty side effects.” The doctor told Yuuri and Viktor listened to her as she ran through the list, feeling the relief at her words flood through his body.

As soon as she was finished talking he turned to Yuuri, noticing that the other man was already looking at him.

“Thank god you’re alright,” he breathed, finally letting the worry that had been cinched tightly around his heart ever since the crash show in his voice. At his words, Yuuri's eyes widened a little in shock and Viktor felt another wave of guilt crash into him at the sight.

It had been an accident, but Yuuri didn't know that. From the way he was looking so shocked at Viktor's concern he must have thought that it was deliberate, that Viktor had done it on purpose and the mere thought of doing something so vile made Viktor sick to his stomach.

“I was so scared when I realised what had happened," he continued, praying that Yuuri would believe him. ”I’m so sorry Yuuri. I didn’t see you and I couldn’t stop in time and I didn’t mean…”

“It’s ok,” Yuuri interjected and his voice sounded completely sincere, something that made a Viktor's legs want to buckle in relief. “It was my fault. I wasn’t paying enough attention to where I was going.”

“It was my fault too," he replied because it was. Yuuri might have been the one to crash into him but Viktor had been distracted and paying far too little attention to the rink and the skaters on it. If he had been more aware he might have been able to move out of the way in time, or at least lessen the severity of the impact.

"I wasn’t watching what was happening around me well enough, I didn’t even register what was going to happen until it was too late. I honestly didn’t mean for you to get hurt.

"I know," Yuuri told him and he sounded genuinely surprised, as though the thought of the crash being premeditated hadn't even occurred to him. At the open honestly in his tone Viktor felt another surge of relief. He must have misread Yuuri before. It seemed that Yuuri hadn't even considered that foul play might be involved and Viktor could finally breath again.

Opening his mouth, Viktor was about to continue when the sharp call of his name echoed around the room. Yakov was standing in the doorway, looking at the two of them with narrowed eyes.

“Vitya,” Yakov called. “It’s time for you to skate. Get back on the rink.”

Viktor almost refused, wanting to stay with Yuuri, to make absolutely sure that he was going to be ok, but another call of 'Vitya' from Yakov stopped him. The tone of his coach's voice was clear and Viktor knew that, this time at least, it would be very unwise to disobey.

Walking over to the chair where he had left the upper part of his costume he pulled it on quickly and left, throwing one last glance at Yuuri over his shoulder as he did so. He just needed one finally reassurance, to check that Yuuri was alright one last time.

A little hesitantly, Yuuri smiled at him and Viktor felt his heart lurch in his chest at the sight. Despite everything that had happened, Yuuri smiled at him. Hadn't believed Viktor was at fault for the crash, hadn't placed any of the blame on him, had smiled at him for the first time in what felt like forever.

Viktor couldn't help the small smile that appeared his own face as he turned away and followed Yakov out of the room and back to the rink.

Back at the rink, Viktor finished the warmup with the other skaters. It had been delayed while the crash was resolved but now it had begun again and he just had time to catch the last few minutes of the last warmup before the ice cleared for the first skater to perform. Getting back on the rink was unpleasant. Although he had come off better in the crash there was still an ache to his bruised shoulder and chest that flared up every time he raised his arms above his head or stretched a little too far.

Once the warmup was finished he left, his own slot to skate not for a while yet. Both he and Yakov watched the other performances while they waited but Viktor paid very little attention to any of them. He was still caught up in his thoughts about Yuuri. He desperately hoped that the other skater was alright, that the doctor had been right when she said it wasn't too serious. The horrible guilt at what happened was still eating away at him, as was the horror of the memory of when he had looked up and seen Yuuri lying so cold and still out on the ice.

When it was finally his turn out on the rink, he forced himself to lose himself in the music and his routine but as soon as it was over he rushed off the ice, just wanting the competition to end so that he could go and find Yuuri. The guilt from what had happened had been building in him with each successive minute that passed and he needed to see the other man again.

When Yuuri stepped out into the arena, skates laced on and looking slightly unsteady on his feet, it was a shock.

The doctor had told Yuuri to rest and yet here he was, ready to skate and looking as determined as ever. Viktor wanted to shout down at him, to tell him to get off the ice because didn't he realise how stupid he was being to try and skate after what happened. But he couldn't.

Still being determined to skate even after a crash was was so very Yuuri. Stubbornly determined to the last and refusing to give up no matter what. Viktor couldn't even berate Yuuri for it, if he had been in Yuuri's shoes he would have done the exact same thing and consequences be damned.

When Yuuri stepped out onto the ice, Viktor already knew what was going to happen before it had even begun. The crash might not have left any permanent damage but Yuuri was far from alright. The hit to his head had thrown off his balance completely and ruined any chance he had of skating a clean program.

It was painful to watch. Yuuri, who was usually so graceful, who poured his heart and soul out onto the ice, staggering and falling, his jumps reduced and his spins off balance. But still Yuuri pushed through, refusing to give up until the routine had ended despite how terrible he must be feeling, both physically and emotionally.

When the routine ended he didn't linger out on the ice. The crowds were still cheering for him but Yuuri paid them no attention, walking to the kiss and cry with his head down and his shoulders slumped. Up in the stands Yuuri's fans were cheering the loudest, showing their unwavering support, but even people who Viktor had seen not minutes ago cheering for him were still applauding Yuuri as he left the ice. Everyone could see how much it had cost him to skate after what had happened and yet skate he had. No-one could not admire his determination, whichever side they were on and whatever they thought of Yuuri himself.

In the kiss and cry Yuuri sat hunched over, arms wrapped around himself as if he were trying to hold himself together. Next to him his coach wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulder, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down Yuuri's arm but Yuuri barely seemed to register the gesture.

When the scores came in Viktor almost flinched, the numbers so much lower than they had ever been before. Down in the kiss and cry Yuuri was clearly trying to stay impassive, jaw clenched hard enough to hurt but there were tears welling up in his eyes and he seemed unable to fight them back down. Wet trails fell silently down his cheeks and Viktor's heart broke for him. Yuuri cared so much about skating, held himself to such an impossible standard for everything and being knocked down so low on the score table must have been an awful blow.

The guilt that he had been feeling rose up again and Viktor almost choked on it. He had been determined to win, determined to take back the gold but not like this. Never like this. If he hadn't been there, if he had just been paying a little more attention then Yuuri wouldn't be as he was now, staring up at his awful score and crying, his face crumpled and his body hunched over and small.

This was Viktor's fault. He had wanted to win and now here he was, having skated fine despite the bruises on his shoulder when Yuuri had been taken out of the competition completely. It was the worst twist of fate and he would do anything to turn back the clock and fix it, to make it so that he was paying just a little more attention out on the ice and could stop any of this ever happening.

He barely registered the medal ceremony. The only thing that he could think about was the Yuuri should have been on the podium with him. Either above or below, it wouldn't really matter in then end. But he should have been there and he wasn't and that broke Viktor's heart all over again.

As the ceremony progressed he searched for Yuuri's face amongst the crowd but it was only right at the very end that he saw him. Face carefully blank and hands clenched tightly by his side. The minute that the ceremony was over Viktor scrambled down from the podium and practically ran off the ice, determined to speak to Yuuri before he left.

Yuuri had already vanished from the stadium so Viktor headed to the area reserved for the skaters and their coaches, tearing off his medal as he did so and stuffing it into his pocket haphazardly. It was unlikely that Yuuri would be in any mood to talk to him with that hanging around his neck. Quickly he spotted Yuuri on the other side of the room, a bag slung over his shoulders which were slumped in defeat.

"Yuuri," he called and Yuuri's head whipped round, startling a little as he took in Viktor's face. Then his eyes narrowed and his face closed off, eyes flicking to where the medal was half-hidden in the pocket of Viktor's jacket.

"What do you want," Yuuri said, voice curt and tense. His voice was sharp but his eyes betrayed a suspicious redness and more than anything else, Yuuri looked tired.

For a second Viktor faltered, licking his lips in a nervous gesture and trying to think of exactly what he was going to say. Following Yuuri had been born of a desperate desire to somehow make this right, to make up for the injury and the lost medal and because the guilt inside him was eating at him from the inside out and Yuuri's eyes on the rink had looked so unbearably sad. But Viktor had no idea how to fix it and the desire to alone was not enough.

“Ah…I’m…uh…I’m really sorry about what happened Yuuri.” he stuttered, trying desperately to think of what to do next.
"I know," Yuuri dragged a hand over his face, hiding his features but there was a hitch in his breathing and he curled in on himself a little further.

"Can I make it up to you somehow?" Viktor asked, hoping that Yuuri would give him the answer because he was still at a loss. 'How can I make up for the fact that I destroyed every chance of you getting the medals I know you care about more than anything else? How can I say sorry so that you won't hate me even more than you already do? How can I make you smile again?"

"How?" Yuuri asked and Viktor felt his stomach plummet. He didn't know how, he just wanted to stop Yuuri being so sad, and so he blurted out the very first thing that came into his mind.

"I could take you out to dinner?"

For a second they both froze.

"What?" Yuuri asked and Viktor could feel the blush rising in his cheeks and he cursed himself for not thinking anything through before he opened his mouth and let whatever crossed his mind come tumbling out. After the ceremony he had run after Yuuri with the intention to apologise and make amends. He hadn't come with the intention of asking Yuuri on a date.

And yet here they were and there was nothing he could do to take the words back now. And a part of him, a part that he had unsuccessfully tried to burry, didn't want to. Instead he plastered a fake smile on his face to try and cover up the panic he was feeling and press on.

"As an apology. For what happened. I could get you something to eat?"

The words sounded stilted and awkward to his own ears and he was sure they must to Yuuri too. But there was nothing he could do to prevent it, his insides were a churning mess of panic and guilt and a strange rush of anticipation.

"I already told you, it wasn't your fault," Yuuri replied, looking confused as he stared at Viktor.

"Is that a no?" he blurted out and the words were accompanied with a flood of disappointment that he definitely shouldn't be feeling.

In front of him, Yuuri frowned. As he did so his forehead crinkled like he was thinking very hard about something before replying, the lines marring the smooth skin giving Viktor the sudden urge to reach up to Yuuri's face and smooth them away. Finally, Yuuri seemed to come to a decision.

"Fine," he said and while his face wasn't exactly happy, he wasn't glaring at Viktor either. "What did you have in mind?"

He was going on a date with Yuuri Katsuki.

He was going on a date with Yuuri Katsuki.

'Not a date' his mind supplied and Viktor tried very hard to convince himself that it was true. This wasn't a date, it was a professional dinner between colleagues. And apology meal. Nothing more because Viktor had sworn off sleeping with Yuuri for good and Yuuri had no interest in him outside of the ice rink or the bedroom. All it would be was a little small talk and dinner together in a restaurant. Just the two of them. Alone. Exactly like a date.

This day was not exactly going as planned.

Viktor ran his hands through his hair, sitting on the bed of his hotel room and trying figure out just what the hell he thought he was doing. He was supposed to be keeping his distance and yet Yuuri had looked at him with those sad brown eyes and he hadn't even thought before he had spoken.

And the worst part was he didn't even regret it. Going on a date with Yuuri, an real date with talking and laughing where they could get to know each other as friends and maybe something more, had been something he had wanted for years, long before Yuuri had come into his bed. This might not be quite the same and the circumstances were practically the worst that they could possibly be, but it was the closest that he was ever going to get.

Trying desperately to push the thoughts away, Viktor stood up and walked over to his wardrobe where every item of clothing that he had brought with him to the competition was lying scattered across the floor. Nothing he had seemed right and he was at a loss as to what to wear. This wasn't a date so he shouldn't be too formal, shouldn't look like he cared too much. But at the same time he wanted to look good, wanted to make Yuuri look at him, even as he tried to banish that part of him for good. It was over, he had promised himself that it was over. But he still cared no matter how much he tried not to.

Finally he settled on a simple pair of dark trousers and a shirt that matched his eyes, relaxed enough to pass for casual but formal enough for the dinner they were about to share. As he dressed he tried to calm himself down, to ignore the voice in his head that was whispering that this was a very bad idea, that he should have just apologised and been done with it. Shouldn't have invited Yuuri out because Yuuri was now out of bounds and off limits, a danger area that he could never cross again for his own sake, and being close to him now would only make leaving so much harder when the time came.

Once he was ready he threw on a jacket and stepped out of his hotel room, making his way down to the foyer and out into the night. The restaurant he had suggested to Yuuri wasn't far from the hotel, a nice looking one that he had passed a couple of times to and from the arena and the first one that had come into his head when Yuuri had asked. Thankfully it was a nice enough place, a little downmarket but cosy all the same and when he stepped through the doors the atmosphere was warm and friendly.

Yuuri hadn't arrived yet and after talking for a few seconds with the waiter he was lead to the table that he had reserved a few hours earlier in a panic, fumbling with his phone in the skater's area as soon as Yuuri left and praying that actually had some space free and he wouldn't have to try and beg for Yuuri's room number from the hotel receptionist to tell him about a change of plans. He still didn't even have Yuuri's phone number, something that stung a little every time he thought about it.

When he was seated at the table for two, situated in a private corner of the restaurant away from the majority of the hustle and bustle of the dinner rush like he had requested, he tried to relax. After a few seconds he began bouncing his leg up and down impatiently, eyes constantly flickering to the door where Yuuri could walk in at any moment.

Maybe this dinner wouldn't be such a big deal at all, he reasoned to himself. It wasn't a date, he knew that. Yuuri knew that. It was only his traitorous brain that was trying to convince him otherwise. Skaters went out to dinner together all the time, this was no different. The only difference was that this dinner was meant as an apology for what had happened that day because the guilt that Viktor was feeling would have been unbearable if he had stood by and done nothing.

As the thought crossed his mind, Viktor felt a sick lurch in his stomach at the memory that came with it. After the crash he had been dazed, confused, focused only on himself. But then he had looked up and the bottom of his world had dropped out beneath him.

Yuuri had been so still lying there. As cold as the ice that surrounded him and completely limp, like a marionette whose stings had been cut. A crumpled figure lying far away from Viktor and the terror that had flooded through him in that moment had been unlike any other he had ever felt.

The way Yuuri was lying, awkwardly twisted and perfectly still. He could have had a back injury or a neck injury, something far more serious than what had actually happened. Something that would stop him from ever skating again. The thought of Yuuri, so strong and beautiful when he skated and so deeply in love with the ice, barred from the rink forever would have been unbearable. Yuuri's skating had been what first fascinated Viktor, what first drew him in along with countless other and it was a part of Yuuri as surely as any physical feature he possessed. Loosing that would destroy Yuuri and seeing that would destroy Viktor's heart with it.

And worse than that, the thought that had immediately rushed into his mind when he had looked up and seen Yuuri's broken form after the crash. Before he had seen the rise and fall of Yuuri's chest, before he had looked into his eyes and seen the spark still there, dimmed but present. Before all that. When fear and adrenaline was still rushing through him and everything was bright and painful and nothing made sense. When his hazy mind had first recognised the figure lying out on the ice. In that split second of terror he had thought...

The door to the restaurant swung open with a chime, still audible above the general chatter of the room. Viktor's eyes had been fixed on the entrance and he saw the minute Yuuri stepped through the doorframe and into the soft warmth of the building.

The evening outside hadn't been cold but Yuuri's nose and cheeks were still flushed a little pink at the change in temperature when he stepped in from the much cooler outdoors. Viktor could feel his heart leap a little in his chest when he took in Yuuri's appearance, hair falling softly around his face and think-framed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, and he forced his previous thoughts away as he looked at the man standing before him, alive and whole and well and so very beautiful.
Yuuri was stunning when he skated. Hair slicked back and eyes dark and clear. All hard lines and power, confident and untouchable, art made flesh.

But there was another side to Yuuri, a side that only showed off the ice in private moments that Viktor had witnessed from afar but never once had to himself. The times when he had seen Yuuri laughing and joking with his friend, so honest and open and completely happy. The Yuuri who greeted all of his fans after the competitions with a shy sincerity, signing every poster pushed his way and taking countless photos, stoping to talk to each one individually and never missing or dismissing a single one. The Yuuri he had seen that night in the ice rink, face soft and open as he skated from the heart with absolutely nothing to prove.

That part of Yuuri was the part that looked exactly like Yuuri looked now and Viktor couldn't stop his heart beating a little faster at the sight.

Glancing around the restaurant, Yuuri glanced his way and Viktor waved, face breaking out into a smile as he did so. Yuuri was fine. His thoughts from earlier were nothing but nightmares and he continued to push them away, not wanting to let them ruin the evening. Yuuri was here and he was alright, if a little worse for the wear. The only sign of the crash was a rather spectacular bruise blooming on his forehead that even his hair didn't quite hide and Viktor felt another wave of guilt rose within him when he saw it.

As Yuuri approached, Viktor gestured to the seat opposite him, one hand tapping lightly against the wood of the table as he tried to still his leg. He was nervous, he couldn't deny it. Nervous about a multitude of different things but he couldn't show it because he was Viktor Nikiforov and he wasn't supposed to be nervous about anything at all.

“I see you found the place ok then?” he said, trying to sound as casual as he could.

"Uh...yeah," Yuuri replied, his eyes fixed on a point somewhere over Viktor's left shoulder. He looked just as awkward as Viktor felt and Viktor felt his heart drop again. In front of him Yuuri sat down and buried his face behind a menu, the large book hiding all but his forehead. He didn't speak again and the only noise at their table was the faint tap of Viktor fingers on wood.

In his head, Viktor quickly ran through a hundred different topics of conversation but all of them came up short. He didn't know what to say to Yuuri, still stepping on eggshells around him, even more so now after the crash. There were so many things he wanted to say, wanted to ask but this meal was supposed to be an apology to Yuuri and if Yuuri didn't want to talk - something that seemed to be a reoccurring theme with him - then Viktor wouldn't force him into conversation.

When the waiter arrived he ordered quickly and Yuuri copied him, setting aside the menu he had been using as a barrier and finally turning to Viktor. To accompany his meal Viktor ordered wine, turning to Yuuri with a questioning gaze and wondering if he should make it a bottle. Yuuri shook his head however and Viktor found himself slightly surprised. After all, he did have first hand experience in just how much Yuuri could drink.

The memories of that night at the Olympics were ones he still held on to, even after everything. The way that Yuuri had danced, as beautiful and graceful as when he was out on the ice but in a way that had made desire curl hot throughout Viktor's body. The way he had looked, drunken and dishevelled and staring up at Viktor so sweetly when he played with his hair and admired his eyes.

The way he had lain back with Viktor hovering over him and run his fingers over Viktor's lips and Viktor had realised for the first time that Yuuri wanted him back. Maybe not in all the same ways that Viktor wanted Yuuri but something at least. Desire that could one day lead to something more.

Except that it couldn't. Desire was just desire, he knew that now.

Once upon a time he had watched Yuuri skating his routine so full of love and joy and he was sure that Yuuri must feel something for him, buried as it was under the hatred. But if that were still true, it was buried so deeply that Viktor would never find it. Both of their more intimate encounters had proven that very clearly.

And now here they were, sitting together at dinner and attempting to make awkward small talk between them. More than rivals but less than lovers. Not quite friends and not quite enemies either.

Yuuri didn't blame him for the crash at least. Despite everything else, that was something that Viktor could hold on to. Yuuri had made that very clear, he had even smiled at Viktor and it seemed like the thought had never even crossed his mind. If Yuuri had truly hated Viktor down to the bone he would have loathed Viktor for what had happened, would have raged at him for causing Yuuri to lose the medals and his place on the podium.

But he didn't and that gave Viktor hope.

After what seemed like only a handful of minutes the food arrived and the hesitant atmosphere and small talk was broken. As the plate was put down in front of him Yuuri lit up, inhaling deeply with his eyes fluttering closed at the smell of the freshly cooked food. From across the table Viktor could catch faint hints of the rich smell and he couldn't deny that it smelt delicious.
Yuuri looked down at the food reverently and the childish expression of delight on his face made Viktor smile. It was such a contrast to how hesitant he had been before and the most open and cheerful he had seen Yuuri in a long time.

Picking up his chopsticks, Yuuri tucked into the food. Viktor followed suit but he barely tasted his own dish. The majority of his attention was focused on Yuuri.

"Good food?" he asked as Yuuri let out a pleased hum as he took another bite. At his question Yuuri looked up, nodding enthusiastically, hair bouncing little as he did so, the lights of the restaurant catching the strands as the moved and making the dark colour shine.

“It reminds me of the food my mother used to make, back when I was living at home in Japan.” Yuuri replied, swallowing hastily, his voice a little mumbled and a fond smile on his face. “It’s not as good but it still reminds me a bit of her."

"What kind of food did she used to make?" Viktor asked, feeling a little thrill of excitement about the new information. Yuuri was notoriously private and there was so much about him that Viktor still didn't know. But he still wanted to learn.

“A lot of stuff. Traditional dishes mainly." Yuuri waved his chopsticks vaguely to emphasise his point. "My family runs a hot springs and most of the guests want authentic things, you know? But my favourite used to be katsudon. No-one could make it like she could.”

The unfamiliar word threw Viktor for a second and it must have shown in his face because Yuuri quickly elaborated with a shy smile.

“Katsudon.” he said again, the little crease forming between his eyebrows again as he seemed to consider for a second. “It’s a pork cutlet bowl, pork and rice and eggs and that sort of thing. I used to eat it a lot but not any more. I’ve tried a couple of places in Detroit but it never tastes the same.”

Yuuri was Japanese, he skated under the flag of Japan and his face was plastered across many Japanese products and places. It was so easy to forget that he didn't actually live there. Objectively Viktor knew that Yuuri trained in Detroit but it was a distant concept. It was only now that Yuuri had said it, had spoken about his family and his home that it finally hit him how distant and nostalgic it all must seem to Yuuri, living so far away.

Viktor couldn't imagine what it must be like. To leave the comforting familiarity of St Petersburg with the bustling streets and the cries of the gulls and move somewhere completely alien. Speaking English was easy for him by now but he still sometimes struggled with colloquial phrases or forgot words and he couldn't imagine living permanently somewhere where he wasn't surrounded by the voices of his mother tongue. There would have to be something very special, something important enough to draw him away, to make him leave. Something that would make all the change and the strangeness worth it, just like skating must have made leaving his home worth it for Yuuri.

Sometimes even just being at competitions had made him miss home. Not so much nowadays but when he was younger. When his accent was so thick it was sometimes incomprehensible and his English wasn't as good and every country he visited made him feel vaguely homesick no matter how amazing it was and how much he loved to explore new places.

"I know the feeling," he told Yuuri with a smile, happy to find another thing that it seemed that they shared. “When I first started competing internationally I used to try the borscht from foreign restaurants after competitions to remind myself of home. But it was never quite the same.”

“Have you ever tried cooking it yourself?” Yuuri asked, looking curious and Viktor laughed again. The memories of some of his first attempts at cooking came rushing back and he repressed a small shudder. Unlike skating, cooking wasn't something that came naturally to him. And since he was constantly travelling or training so hard that all he wanted to do when he came home was lie down and sleep, he had never bothered to learn. There had never been someone for him to cook for and since he didn't care much about it himself he had never tried to remedy his abysmal cooking skills.

“No.” he said with a grin at the memories. “I’m a terrible cook. I usually eat out when I’m not at home, or order room service if I’m too tired. I might poison myself before a competition otherwise. I just save it for when I’m back home in Russia, as a celebration of sorts for making it through another season.”

“Back when I still lived in Japan I used to do something similar with katsudon. I wouldn’t let myself eat it unless I had won a competition.”

Yuuri was smiling as he started the sentence, lost in a fond memory but gradually his face fell. It took Viktor a second to realise why but the talk of winning a competition finally registered with what had happened that day. During their conversation Yuuri had become so animated and happy that Viktor had completely forgotten why he had invited Yuuri out to eat in the first place.

But cheerful conversation wasn't going to erase the hurt Yuuri must be feeling at the loss of the medal and the skate that had left him stumbling and unsteady on the ice.

“About today Yuuri…” he tried, not quite sure what he was going to say but needing to say something at least.
"It’s over now." Yuuri cut him off before he could even finish his sentence. In contrast to the happiness of earlier his face was now completely closed off and his eyes were downcast. "There's no use talking about it. I humiliated myself in front of the whole world and I’d rather forget about it now if you don’t mind.”

“Yuuri...” Viktor spoke as gently as he could, trying to let his sincerity shine through in his voice. He had seen hundreds of skaters go through the same thing, beating themselves up over things that they couldn't control. He had done it himself when he was younger until Yakov had shouted some sense into him. Medals could be lost because of lack of dedication or mistakes made in competition but sometime it was no fault but fate's.

“I don’t think anyone considers it a humiliation." he continued because it was the truth. Even Viktor's most dedicated fans had applauded Yuuri coming off the ice because they could see how hard it had tried and just how much that effort had cost him. "Most people are saying you were brave for doing what you did after what happened. Stupid, but brave.”

After the competition Viktor had opened up his various social media sites, wanting to see the news of the crash and the skating world's reaction to it. Ignoring the hate sent his way for his part to play in Yuuri's injury he had read through hundreds of comments about the crash and Yuuri's decision to skate after it.

What he had told Yuuri was the complete truth. The general consensus of fans seemed to be that Yuuri skating after being injured was reckless and dangerous to himself but brave all the same. His determination and his tenacious nature was well known in the skating world and people had expected no less than to see him go down fighting.

Yuuri glanced up in his direction, looking surprised but while it wasn't quite the reaction Viktor had been hoping for, it was better than his defeated look the moment before all the same.

“Yeah, well…” Yuuri stammered and there was a flush on his face at Viktor's words, red creeping into his cheeks and up across his ears.

“It was embarrassing.” he finished, glancing back down and not meeting Viktor's eyes. “That was probably the worst any skater has ever skated. I was awful.”

Despite his downcast eyes, Yuuri was looking far less defeated than he had a minute previously and Viktor pressed on. Cheering Yuuri up might not be something he was experienced in but he was determined to do it all the same and sheer determination was a trait that had carried him far in life.

“Oh no, that was not the worst any skater has ever skated and I speak from personal experience." he said, smiling at Yuuri as he did so. Yuuri's words had reminded him of a moment from his dark past, one of his more embarrassing memories that he had never managed to live down. Most of the rink-mates who had been with him at the time were long gone but Georgi still remembered. Although he was sworn to secrecy on pain of the release of the photos of the first time he had tried to do his own make-up, the mere thought of the memory alone always brought him to tears of laughter. Viktor hoped that Yuuri might find the story entertaining too, that it might keep his mind off the failed skate and the lost competition.

"Trust me Yuuri, I’ve done much worse many times before.” he continued and Yuuri choked unexpectedly on his food, grabbing a glass of water and taking a few hasty gulps as he gasped in air. For a few seconds he spluttered and then he turned back to Viktor, eyes brows raised in disbelief.

"You?" he asked, as though the thought of Viktor ever skating badly was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. Viktor was almost flattered by the disbelief.

"Falling once in a competition doesn't count!" he added forcefully.

For a brief second Viktor wasn't sure what Yuuri was talking about but then it clicked. Yuuri must be referring to the time Viktor had fallen on his quad lutz, a fall that had taken him out of the competition for a whole season. Mortifying to be sure but not the incident he was talking about.

"I'm not talking about that," he replied. "I meant it when I said that I've skated much worse than you did today Yuuri."
In response Yuuri raised an eyebrow, still looking disbelieving. Viktor continued, the memory one that had gradually turned from horrifying to amusing as the years had worn on.

“When I was sixteen, just after I had won the World Championships for the first time, I got a little too caught up in my win and drank far too much at a party a few days after the competition. I had training the next day and Yakov literally dragged me out of bed in the morning to practice. He forced me to put on my skates and get onto the rink, regardless of how awful I was feeling. It was the first time I had ever been really drunk before and I could hardly stand up on the ice, let alone skate.”

Back then he had been younger and stupider and Yakov had decided to teach him a lesson. The memory of his rink-mates doubled over with laughter on the sidelines as he slipped and slid across the ice, unable to find his balance with his head aching and his stomach turning with each movement, had long ago lost its sting.

As Viktor spoke a smile broke out across Yuuri's face and his eyes sparkled with mirth. Seeing it, Viktor carried on.

“I was like a baby deer on ice. My legs kept slipping out from under me and all my rink mates were laughing from the side-lines. But Yakov wouldn’t let me leave, he forced me through the whole training session. And since I could barely stand up you can imagine how my attempts at jumps went.”

At that Yuuri let out an ungainly snort, letting out a choked off little giggle and grinning at Viktor as he finished.

“And is the moral of this story that you learned never to drink too much again?” he asked teasingly and Viktor grinned back, relishing in the light, amused tone of Yuuri's voice.

“No.” he replied because, just like Yakov had always told him, he never learned the lesson he was supposed to learn. He just found a new way to get around it instead. “I just taught myself to have a higher alcohol tolerance so that I could make it through practice the next day.

Yuuri laughed and Viktor's heart stopped. The sound was bright and full of joy, lighting up the restaurant like a ray of sunshine breaking through on a cold winter's day. As he laughed Yuuri almost doubled up, curling in on himself with the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. He was more beautiful then than Viktor had ever seen him before.

For so long, Viktor had wanted to make Yuuri laugh. Had seen Yuuri laughing with his friend and had watched jealously because he wanted to be the one to make Yuuri laugh like that, to be that free and unguarded and happy. And now Yuuri was here and he was laughing and it was better than Viktor ever could have imagined.

Suddenly Yuuri seemed to freeze and all the laughter was cut off from his face. Quickly he set his chopsticks down next to his empty plate and stood up, the scraping of his chair against the floor sounding unnaturally loud even in the noise of the busy restaurant. Viktor had no idea what had caused the sudden change. One minute Yuuri was laughing and the next minute his face was blank again, all traces of happiness wiped from his eyes.

"It's time for me to go," Yuuri said, words blunt and to the point. "I have an early flight tomorrow."

"Oh, of course," Viktor replied, even as the disappointment welled in his chest. It had happened again and he had no idea why. One minute he would be talking to Yuuri and then something would happen to shut Yuuri down again. And Viktor never seemed to have any idea what it was or what he did to cause it. Every bit of progress he made in being friendly with Yuuri always seemed to be ruined by something he still didn't understand and it frustrated him and saddened him in equal measure.

Yuuri left the table and Viktor followed him, stopping briefly to pay the bill before they stepped out of the door and into the rapidly cooling night air. Despite his sudden departure from the table, Yuuri still walked side by side with Viktor down the street and back to the hotel, keeping pace with every step. They stayed together as they walked into the lobby and stepped into the same lift together to return to their floors.

All throughout the walk home, Viktor desperately wanted to ask why. Why did Yuuri shut down so suddenly, when just a few seconds ago he had seemed so happy and relaxed? Why did Yuuri seem to enjoy his company one minute but dislike him the next? Why did Yuuri never want to talk when Viktor still had so many questions left unanswered?

They travelled in the lift in silence, with Viktor occasionally sneaking glances at Yuuri out of the corner of his eye. The bruise on his forehead was still very prominent, standing out even more sharply than it had in the restaurant under the harsh light from the fluorescent strip above them.

"Are you sure you're going to be alright Yuuri?" he asked, feeling some of the worry from earlier that day begin to creep back in. Presumably Yuuri had been checked over by more doctors after he skated before their dinner and he had seemed fine at the restaurant. But that still didn't quell Viktor's concern entirely.

"Yes," Yuuri replied, still facing forward and not looking at Viktor even as he spoke to him. "I'm sharing a room with my coach, Celestino. He's promised to wake me up every couple of hours to make sure everything's ok."

"Ok." Viktor replied, still looking at Yuuri who was resolutely facing the closed doors. "Well that's good then."

The conversation ended there and the last few of second of the journey were spent in silence until the doors finally dinged open at Yuuri's floor. Yuuri stepped out of the lift and took a few steps down the corridor before he hesitated and looked back for a final time. For a long moment he simply stood there, looking at Viktor with an unreadable expression on his face. Then finally he spoke.

"Goodnight Viktor," Yuuri said with a small smile, just as the doors slid shut and the lift moved upwards again, carrying Viktor away.

When the lift finally arrived at his own floor Viktor stepped out in a daze, barely registering the corridor or the doors lining each side. Instead he was far too caught up in his own head and the words he had just heard.

Yuuri had called him Viktor. Yuuri had never done that before. Only ever referred to him by his last name, even after he had spent the night with Viktor, when everything had changed for Viktor and nothing had for Yuuri. He had always kept things cool and professional no matter how intimately they had come to know each other.

But now, Yuuri had called him by his first name. The sound of the word was different in Yuuri's mouth, the 'V' slightly distorted by the remnants of his Japanese accent, his voice turning the name into something new and exciting. Viktor would give anything, would pay any price, to hear Yuuri say it again.

Fumbling with his room key, Viktor let himself into his room, unable to let go of the memory of Yuuri in those last few seconds before the doors slid closed and separated them again. Yuuri might have cut the evening off for some unknown reason but still, it seemed that something had finally changed.

Even after the crash, even after his defeat, even after everything that had happened, Yuuri hadn't blamed him and had still accepted his invitation. Had shared stories of his life just like Viktor had always dreamed he would, had laughed at Viktor's own stories with a sound more precious than Viktor had ever heard before. Had finally called Viktor by his first name.

As he got ready for bed, Viktor continued to turn the evening over in his mind, unable to push the thoughts away. For the first time, Yuuri had been relaxed and open and Viktor had seen the side of him that before he had only ever seen from a distance. And now he knew a little more about Yuuri and each snippet of information was all the more precious because it was freely given.

Yuuri's favourite food was katsudon. His mother was a good cook and his eyes lit up with warmth when he talked about his home and family. His laugh was bright and beautiful and he found embarrassing stories about Viktor's past mistakes funny. When he smiled he smiled with his eyes as well as his mouth and Viktor's name rolled off his tongue like it belonged there.

Little things but somehow still the most important facts of all.

Finally Viktor climbed into bed, the large sprawling mattress too big for one person alone. Makkachin wasn't here and there was no-one in bed with him but out of habit he still curled up on only one side, leaving the other empty for an invisible occupant. Half a bed standing cold and empty in the darkness of the room as he was left alone with his thoughts.

When Viktor went to sleep that night, he was thinking of Yuuri.

Chapter Text

Throughout the months that separated the World Championships and the next Grand Prix series, Yuuri was a constant presence in Viktor’s life. Not physically - Yuuri himself was far away in Detroit training hard for the next season - but he was there all the same. Always present, hovering in the back of Viktor’s mind. Out of sight and out of view but never quite gone.

Viktor had tried to put Yuuri out of his mind. He had. It was something he now had a lot of practice doing after the disastrous Grand Prix Final nearly a year ago, when he had sworn off Yuuri for good. But no matter how many times he pushed them away, thoughts of the other man kept creeping back in to his unguarded mind.

The crushing guilt from the accident the last time they had competed, the same guilt that had brought them together again even after Viktor had sworn to stay away. The dulled twinges of pain when he remembered the easy way in which Yuuri always seemed to be able to leave him. The very thing that had made him decided that the strange, undefined thing between them had to end to protect his own glass heart. The little bursts of warmth that flooded through him every time he thought of Yuuri’s smile, of his laugh, of the way he had looked at Viktor still woozy and in pain but with not one single ounce of blame in his eyes.

Those were the thoughts that snuck in late at night or during the early hours of the morning, when he was exhausted from practice and his mind was unguarded. During the day it was easier to push them away. Out on the ice he could lose himself into music and choreography and the ache of his muscles as he repeated the moves over and over again. But back in his empty apartment, where the silence reached into every corner and there was nothing and no-one to keep his mind from straying, the thoughts always found a way to creep back in.

But simply thinking of Yuuri wasn’t necessarily the problem. The other skater was his competitor, thinking of him was only natural. And even if Viktor had sworn off sleeping with Yuuri for good, they could still be something at least. Could still at least be civil with each other, be at least acquaintances if nothing else. Could still be friends. Viktor had wanted that for far longer than he had wanted Yuuri in any other way and he could, he would, make himself content with that again.

It was the type of thoughts that sometimes came to Viktor that were betraying the one promise he had made to himself to guard his heart against Yuuri. Little flashes of the way Yuuri had smiled at him, a smile in his eyes as well as just across his lips. Memories of the way that Yuuri skated and the thrill that both the beauty and the challenge always brought up within him. The traitorous beat of his heart every time he remembered the way that Yuuri laughed. The way that the room seemed to warm with the sound. The way that Viktor wanted to bottle it up and keep it with him forever.

Those were the thoughts that were the problem, that snuck into his mind when he least expected it and made him forget, just for a second, that he was supposed to be getting over his love for Yuuri for good. Following Chris and Yakov’s advice and never being close to Yuuri in the way he craved again. He had resolved to do it and he couldn’t break that resolve now because he knew that to do so would be to have his heart broken again and this time he would only have himself to blame.

That resolve lasted all the way up until the Grand Prix Final, he and Yuuri both competitors once again. They had never missed a final together yet, not since Yuuri had first made it up onto the podium.

Before Yuuri had been there Viktor had been teetering on the edge, the empty pit of lost inspiration and purposelessness looming below him. That was gone now and Yuuri was standing in its place. Yuuri was younger than him. Yuuri would keep skating and winning long after Viktor left. As long as Yuuri was still there to challenge him on the ice, he would never be in that place again.

During the Grand Prix Final, Yuuri seemed strangely less elusive than usual. Usually he was the mystery of the skating world, only appearing in public when absolutely necessary. But this year he was almost constantly in the public gaze. At the side of the rink, sitting in the skater’s area, lingering in the corridors. And whenever Viktor was in the same room, Yuuri’s eyes seemed to follow him.

His gaze wasn’t the narrowed-eyed glaring that Viktor had almost come to expect from him over the years. Nor was the it sparkling, wide-eyed look that he had seen in the restaurant, when Yuuri was so open and happy. Instead it simply was. Sharp brown eyes flickering to him every time they were in a room or on the rink together. Holding the gaze for as long as Viktor didn’t look Yuuri’s way. Whenever Viktor turned to look at Yuuri fully, Yuuri was always looking away again, a light flush dusting across the bridge of his nose and pointedly staring off into the distance. But when his eyes were averted, Yuuri’s were on him.

Viktor couldn’t work it out. Yuuri had never paid this much attention to him before. Usually it was Viktor with his eyes fixed on Yuuri, captivated by him and unable to look away. And yet the one year when he forced his eyes away, Yuuri’s were fixed on him and it made something warm flutter in his chest even as he tried to quash the emotion down.

Instead of lingering on the thoughts and speculation to just what might have caused the change, Viktor ignored it. In its place he tried to focus on the competition, into pouring his heart out onto the ice and skating in the way that had enraptured the audience for so long. But even as he skated, he knew that there was something lacking in his performance. Every year before it was as if he could feel the raw emotion burning through him, see each note of the music hanging in the air before him. This time he simply couldn’t bring himself to feel it.

His routines were good, excellent even. New programs, a new theme, something different and exciting. A far cry from anything that he had ever skated before. Something to wow the audience. But Viktor didn’t feel anything for them. There was just something missing and Viktor could feel it even as he skated.

Regardless however, in every other competition he would have won easily. No matter how little he could bring himself to feel the story he was trying to create, his technical score and perfect execution would have edged any other competitor out of the top spot. But he wasn’t up against just anyone.

While Viktor’s skating was lacking the intensity of emotion that had won him so many medals in the past, Yuuri’s was overflowing with it. His theme for the year was determination, something that suited him to the core, and every move he made was brimming with passion and strength and the hard light of victory in his eyes. He skated like it was a fight, a fight that he intended to win and as he did so the atmosphere became electric around him.

Before the scores had even been announced, Viktor already knew who had won.

At the banquet later that night, Viktor retreated off to one side of the room as soon as he was able. Over the years he had grown to hate the banquets, the same boring formal talk and false words of praise repeated year after year until it felt like they were suffocating him. Skaters and their coaches would praise him with their words but not even bother to hide the jealous glint that flickered in their eyes every time they looked at him and pictured the medal that he had just won. Sponsors would come up and shake his hand and smile and their eyes would flicker up and down and over his body, assessing how much he was worth to them now that he was a champion yet again.

When he had been younger he had basked in the attention, in the praise. Now all he wanted to do was endure it for as long as he was required and leave as soon as he could.  On occasion he glanced over at Yuuri, amused to see how the other skater was looking just as bored as he was. Yuuri was glued to his coach’s side, touring the room to make small talk with the endless line of people coming his way. When Viktor looked over at him, he was nodding along to a grey-haired ISU member but his eyes were glassy and far away and Viktor had to stifle a laugh at the sight. After his own experience talking to that particularly dull official, he knew exactly how Yuuri was feeling.

There were a fair number of well-wishers of Viktor’s own to deal with as the evening progressed. As the silver medallist, there were still many wanting to praise his performance. To gush over his skating in words that he had heard a hundred times before, all wanting to talk Viktor Nikiforov, the Living Legend.

It was only several hours into the banquet that he finally managed to escape the crowds entirely. Brushing off the last of the hangers-on with an easy smile and a quick excuse and retreating over to the drinks table to grab a fresh glass of champagne. The alcohol was cool and soothing against his throat as he drank and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling while it lasted.

The sound of footsteps behind him alerted him to another presence and he turned around, already fixing a smile in place to greet the newcomer before his brain caught up with his eyes and he saw exactly who was approaching.

Yuuri was standing behind him, shifting on his feet a little nervously, not quite looking Viktor in the eye as he stood there. For a few seconds he said nothing and Viktor filled in the silence, indicating to the table of drinks that was standing behind them both.

“Looking for a drink?” he asked and Yuuri nodded, the light flush appearing again over the bridge of his nose as he did so. The room was warm and Viktor knew there was a flush to his own cheeks but somehow, he didn’t quite think that was the cause of the change.

It was strange, for Yuuri to seem so strangely hesitant now. This time last year he had been surprising Viktor in a corridor, pulling him down into a heated kiss that led to so much more. Yuuri rough and hot and demanding and Viktor following wherever he decided to go. It was a sharp contrast to the Yuuri that was here now but not an unpleasant one.

Turning around, Viktor scooped up one of the glasses from the table behind him and handed it over to Yuuri. Their fingers brushed together as Yuuri accepted the glass with a small nod and a half-smile. Taking another sip of his own champagne, Viktor watched as Yuuri assessed the glass for a second before knocking the whole thing back in one go, swallowing the golden liquid in a few swift gulps before setting it down.

Viktor raised an eyebrow as he watched, stifling back a laugh of amusement at the unexpected action. He had seen Yuuri drunk before of course but watching him down a glass of champagne like it was water was still an interesting sight to behold.

“You look like you needed that,” he said lightly, watching as Yuuri relaxed a little at the feeling of the alcohol begining to work its way into his system.

Many times before, he and Chris had taken each other out to get drunk after competitions were over and they could finally unwind. Sometimes other skaters joined them, sometimes not. Yuuri never had but Viktor was sure he must need some kind of release too. A way to free himself from the pressure they were all under with the eyes of the world trained on them and the weight of their countries on their shoulders.

From watching Yuuri drink now, with the competition over and the medal finally won, Viktor was sure he knew exactly how Yuuri was feeling.

“It’s been a long day,” Yuuri replied with a sigh, before suddenly and unexpectedly flushing. Stuttering a little, fingers twisting together almost nervously as he looked at Viktor, seeming strangely embarrassed.

“I, uh, just mean…” he stumbled over the words, gesturing vaguely around the room, his eyes flickering away from Viktor again as he blushed.

Viktor wasn’t quite sure what had made Yuuri stumble, cool as composed as he usually seemed out on the ice and throughout many of their conversations, but he moved the conversation swiftly on, not wanting to leave the silence hanging on too long.

“It can be a little too much sometimes,” he agreed, hoping that Yuuri’s earlier statement was referring to the hot press of the crowd and the constant demands for attention and acknowledgement that they both suffered at events like these.

At his words, Yuuri’s eyes snapped back to his face and he looked startled for a second.

 “I always thought you loved the press circuit?” he blurted out, eyes widening when he realised what he had just said and rushing to explain himself, the blush on his cheeks now creeping up over his ears as he did so.

“It just…uh…you always seem to enjoy interviews and paparazzi and all that. And you’re always posting on social media and stuff. I thought you loved all the attention?”

The words came out hesitant and unsure and Viktor laughed, half at the implication that he would enjoy events like this and half at how mortified Yuuri looked at the words that were coming out of his own mouth. It was endearing and a long way from the untouchable persona he put on out on the ice. Much more like the Yuuri that Viktor had met at the restaurant, when guilt had drawn them together again and Viktor’s heart had betrayed him once more.

“I do. Most of the time anyway.” he agreed because it was true. He did enjoy fame, did enjoy the fact that when he stepped into the room every eye immediately turned to him. It wasn’t something he was ashamed of, he had built his career on being in the spotlight after all. But there were definitely parts about fame that he enjoyed far less, and other parts which over the years he had grown to resent.

“Paparazzi I could do without,” he added because that was the most obvious of them all. Chris had once called him a photo whore with the amount of selfies he posted on Instagram regularly but there was a definite difference between that and having photographers follow him on runs with Makkachin. All of them looking to get an especially bad photo of him when he was wearing his loosest pair of sweatpants with his hair flat and sticking damply to his face and his shirt clinging to his body unattractively with sweat.

Tactically, he didn’t mention the other parts because he never did. That was too personal and Viktor Nikiforov wasn’t supposed to sometimes hate the way that people looked at him in star-struck awe, blinded by the medals and unable to see anything else. The way that almost every piece of praise felt empty now because it was so expected, except for the praise from the scant few people from which he knew the words really mattered. The way he could smile and laugh and begin to fall for someone only to find out they were already in love with Viktor Nikiforov and had no time for just plain old Viktor.

Not that that had happened recently though. Because one day he had watched Yuuri skating his old routine and from that moment on he had been lost and nothing and no-one else ever seemed to compare.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts he pushed the more depressing of the images away and allowed himself to smile instead, a teasing tone creeping into his words as he spoke.

“But you’re right, I do enjoy interacting with my fans through social media. Which is not something we share I gather, since you never seem to post anything at all.”

It was a longstanding joke amongst Yuuri’s fans, the fact that Yuuri was essentially a ghost on the internet.  There were official accounts under his name to be sure, but they sat unused for years at a time. The only online Yuuri content that any of his fans seemed to have was from his friend Phichit’s account.

While Yuuri was unfailingly kind and polite to fans at competitions, his lack of presence online made him much less accessible than Viktor himself and also served to mask just how big Yuuri’s fanbase was. Viktor was sure if Yuuri was as active as he was, his follower count would rival Viktor himself.

“Yeah, I know,” Yuuri laughed a little self-deprecatingly, toying with the stem of his second champagne glass and smiling a little shyly. “My friend Phichit, the Thai skater, he set them all up for me but I never really use them. He keeps trying to make me but, well, it’s not really my thing.”

Viktor was absolutely not going to admit that he knew exactly who Phichit Chulanont was due to the fact that he has followed him religiously for years now for entirely Yuuri-related reasons. That was one secret that he was not going to be sharing any time soon.

Instead he made a soft noise of acknowledgement and took a quick sip from his own glass to hide his face for a second, hoping that nothing in his expression gave his momentary embarrassment away. Yuuri watched him, eyes intense, just as they had been all throughout the competition as he observed Viktor with an unreadable expression on his face.

When he had finished drinking, Viktor returned to the previous question, not wanting Yuuri to get the wrong impression.

“Like you said, I do enjoy the attention,” he said with a faint smile, thinking of the rush of excitement he always felt at the roar of a crowd screaming his name. “I’ve been doing this for so many years that I’m used to being in the spotlight by now. And pleasing the audience is what we do. I couldn’t be a skater if I didn’t enjoy people watching me.”

Skaters gave their souls to the ice and their hearts to the audience. It was the only way to grasp the attention of thousands and hold it, make them unable to turn away or think about anything but what they were witnessing. The only way to make the audience feel, because without that there was nothing. And Viktor was the master at that game, no matter if his performances this year had been slightly lacking. Dealing in emotion was what they did, he and Yuuri both, out there on the ice.

But the thrill of pleasing an audience was only one tiny fragment of what a life in the spotlight truly meant and Viktor knew that better than anyone.

“But I understand the need to get away from it all sometimes,” he added to Yuuri, their gazes locked onto each other, with neither glancing away. “Especially here. These events, they’re all the same every year. The same people, the same conversations, the same empty praise. For so long, nothing ever changed.”

‘Until you,’ he almost said, but stopped himself just in time. ‘Until you came and you changed everything.’

For years, the cycle had repeated over and over again. Win the medal, an easy win, accept the praise and the cheers and the congratulations. Smile no matter what. Return home and train and then do it all again next competition. Next season. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, over and over until finally winning didn’t bring him joy anymore.

But then Yuuri had come into his life like a lighthouse in the dark, a single beacon that lead him back to the shore. Filling him with inspiration and drive again, challenging him until finally he had to work for his medals, competed with the thrill of the real chance that he could lose on his shoulders again. Changing his world so thoroughly that now Viktor could never go back. He could never be content with how it was before again, not now that Yuuri was here and had altered his life for good.

But that train of thought was a dangerous one to follow and so instead Viktor pulled back on a casual smile and tried to dispel some of the atmosphere hanging heavy in the air around them.

“I don’t blame you for trying to hide for a while,”

For a second Yuuri looked like he was about to protest the idea that he was hiding but then he sighed a little and nodded, eyes flickering back out to the room and then back to Viktor again, a slight wry smile on his lips. When it seemed like he wasn’t going to say anything however, Viktor spoke again.

“And what about you Yuuri?” he asked. “You always seem to enjoy winning. Why are you not out there enjoying your praise?”

Viktor might have been in the game so long that the recycled praise from the same kind of people over and over again had become robotic but Yuuri hadn’t. Yuuri was still young and winning was still fresh for him and Viktor had seen athletes who had accomplished much less than him get drunk off the thrill of victory and bask in the attention for all that it was worth. And yet here Yuuri was, hiding away with Viktor instead of chatting to the other skaters or being praised by his potential sponsors.

For a little while, Yuuri remained silent. His brow furrowed a little and it looked like he was thinking very hard about something, deciding on the best answer to give. Then his face cleared a little and he looked up at Viktor, expression serious.

“I’ve never been…particularly good in situations like these,” Yuuri said and Viktor startled a little because that had not been what he had expected to hear at all. “Out on the ice you can be anything you want to be. Everything is easier to deal with. Here, it’s harder.”

The words were so open and genuine that Viktor felt his breath catch a little in his chest. He had expected a light-hearted answer or to be brushed off with a few words. He hadn’t expected for Yuuri to take his question entirely seriously and answer with a raw honesty that left Viktor feeling completely knocked off balance.

Yuuri always seemed so in control out on the ice. Sometimes his nerves shone through yes but that was only because Viktor had had years to learn his tells. To most he was entirely focused and impassive, flawless and unbreakable when he skated. But Viktor was very familiar with what it was to wear a mask and just how easily cracks could form beneath it. He had always known that Yuuri was so much more than the persona he showed out on the ice but hearing Yuuri talk about it made everything seem so much more real. 

It was another little piece of Yuuri that he now knew, information freely given and with the trust that was required of something so personal.

Once, what seemed like a long time ago now, Viktor had watched Yuuri and wanted to know him, know him in his entirety. Know the Yuuri that he had glimpsed off the ice as well as the one he saw on it and the one he knew existed behind the impenetrable wall of hatred that used to slam up around Yuuri any time that Viktor drew near.

And now Yuuri was here and he was being so unexpectedly open and honest and Viktor couldn’t help the way his heart was racing at the words, tripping over itself as it beat.

In front of him, Yuuri blushed again and glanced away, looking embarrassed. It seemed he had been blushing a lot ever since he had come Viktor’s way and that did nothing to still the racing of Viktor’s heartbeat.

Still with his eyes averted, Yuuri took another gulp of champagne. The liquid had barely passed his lips before he coughed, spluttering a little as he inhaled some of the liquid in his haste. The action was so unexpected and so unexpectedly funny that Viktor had to bite back a laugh, unable to keep the smile from twitching at the corners of his mouth at Yuuri’s mortified expression as he glanced back up at Viktor as soon as he could breathe again.

“Not a fan of champagne?” Viktor asked jokingly, hoping Yuuri would catch the light-hearted teasing tone in his voice and not take offence at the words.

“Not much of a fan of alcohol at all actually,” Yuuri replied and Viktor could feel his eyebrows shoot up at the statement. After seeing Yuuri drunk beyond belief and wrapped around a stripper pole, that statement was a little hard to believe.

“I try not to drink too much at competitions,” Yuuri added and Viktor almost laughed out loud. Thankfully he managed to restrain himself but he was sure that at least some of his amusement must be showing in his eyes and in the twitching of his lips.

“Alcohol and I don’t mix very well,” Yuuri continued. “I have a high tolerance but I have a bad habit of doing embarrassing stuff when I’m drunk. I don’t like it that much either so I usually try to avoid it.”

“Oh really?” Viktor asked, allowing an amused smirk to spread across his face and watch as Yuuri blushed red again. As he watched, Viktor decided that making Yuuri blush might be one of his new favourite things to do. The way the colour spread over Yuuri’s cheekbones and highlighted the soft roundness to his face that made him look much more open than when he was out on the ice was a truly wonderful sight.

“Yeah, it’s, uh, not pretty,” Yuuri added and Viktor caught the ‘but I thought that you were very pretty’ that was on the tip of his tongue just before it slipped out. Yuuri might be being unusually open and relaxed with him now but their relationship was still a long way away from that kind of teasing.

Yuuri smiled at him again, one hand fiddling a little with his glass as he glanced away slightly in embarrassment and then looked back up at Viktor again from under his eyelashes. In the light of the room his eyes appeared very wide, the warm yellow light bringing out the little flecks of gold in the brown.

Suddenly, Yuuri’s eyes flickered away from him again and Viktor followed the gaze to see one of the ISU members looking curiously at the two of them. Eyebrows furrowed as he took in the two medallists sequestered away in a corner together rather than out with the rest of the crowds.

In front of him Yuuri shifted, eyes flickering to Viktor and then back to the ISU member and then back to Viktor again in rapid succession. He looked a little panicked, as though he had been caught red handed at some awful crime rather than just abandoning a boring banquet to drink alcohol and talk with a fellow competitor instead.

 “You should get back to the party,” Viktor said quickly, feeling all the amusement and warmth dropping from his face but still trying to keep his voice light and casual. If Yuuri wanted an out then Viktor would give him one. “After all, you are the winner of the Grand Prix Final, for the second time. You have celebrations to enjoy I’m sure. People to talk to. Fond memories to relive.”

There was no reason to take up any more of Yuuri’s time than he already had and he could already feel himself teetering on the edge of another dangerously bad decision. The resolve he had made a year ago had been weakened during the meal they had shared after the accident had pushed them together again and now he could feel it crumbling. Better for Yuuri to leave now before Viktor could make yet another mistake.

After their last night together, he had thought it would be easy to resist Yuuri if the time ever came again. Yuuri who was all heat and fire and passion and then clawing emptiness from the second that he left the room and Viktor’s life again.

What Viktor hadn’t counted on however, was trying to resist this part of Yuuri instead. The part that blushed easily at Viktor’s words and smiled often and spilled his heart out to Viktor just like he did on the ice. Except this time, it was reserved for Viktor and Viktor alone. That Yuuri was a whole new kind of temptation and one that Viktor was becoming less and less sure that he would be able to resist.

Yuuri looked at him and suddenly his eyes were intense, holding Viktor’s gaze and refusing to allow Viktor look away. His earlier hesitance when he spotted the ISU member was gone, replaced with a look that made Viktor’s breath still in his chest.

“People won’t notice if I’m gone for a while longer.” Yuuri said, stretching out the words and the same heat that was present in his gaze was also in his voice, which was laced and layered with promise. “But you’re right. There are some memories I do want to relive.”

The implication behind the words was more than clear but still Viktor scanned Yuuri’s face, his body language, wanting to make absolutely sure. It was like a switch had suddenly been flipped, the shy and blushing Yuuri of earlier transforming seamlessly into the one that was now looking up at Viktor with dark eyes and a coy smile dancing on his lips.

And Viktor wanted.

He wanted it so badly, wanted it so much it almost hurt. He always had, no matter how many times he tried to push it away and their entire conversation had only made that desire so much worse. He had thought that it would be easy to resist but now Yuuri was here and Yuuri was asking and suddenly resisting seemed like the hardest thing in the world.

Closing his eyes he took in a deep breath, trying to calm his racing thoughts.

‘You know what he wants,’ he told himself. ‘You know exactly what he wants and you know how much you want more. How much it’ll hurt when what he wants is all you get. You know.’

But if he said no then Yuuri would walk away. If he said no then Yuuri might never come back. Might never smile at him again, never talk to him again, never be so open with him again. And if he said no then that would mean that Viktor was resisting his impulses, resisting the temptation and if there was one thing he had never been good at, it was that.

‘He wont give you what you want,’ another little voice in the back of his mind whispered, low and hissing. ‘But he’ll give you some of it at least. Isn’t that better than the nothing that you’ve been living for so long?’

Opening his eyes, he realised that the decision had already been made long before he had been aware of it.

“If that’s what you want,” Viktor said and the words tasted like ashes on his tongue, warning him away even as he said them. “Then I will happily do anything.”

And it was almost laughable, how painfully true that statement was.

Silently, Yuuri turned away, shooting a quick glance back over his shoulder as he did so as if to make sure that Viktor was following as he started to walk towards the door nearest to them. It was one of the side doors, smaller and more non-descript than the main entrance and much easier to sneak out of.

Walking lightly up to the door, Yuuri slipped out, sending a last glance over his shoulder at Viktor as he did so before turning away and hurrying out into the corridor beyond. Following in his wake, Viktor glanced around too. Yakov was occupied talking to sponsors and no-one seemed to be watching them or looking for them yet. Turning to follow Yuuri, he slipped out of the room, the noise of the party suddenly cut off as the door swung shut behind him.

Yuuri was already standing there, watching Viktor with the same intensity in his eyes that Viktor had noticed before. It would be easy to be lost in that gaze, Viktor imagined.

When he saw Viktor approach, Yuuri shot him a little half smile before motioning with a flick of his head for Viktor to follow. For a second Viktor assumed they were heading to the lifts stationed at the end of the hall but instead Yuuri turned to a small alcove just off the main corridor where a nondescript bathroom door sat. After one last, quick glance around, Yuuri entered the room, holding the door open for Viktor to slip through as well before letting it swing shut with a resounding click.

As soon as the door was shut Yuuri flipped the lock in place, cutting them both off from the outside world.

A bathroom was not exactly where Viktor had assumed they would end up when Yuuri had propositioned him a few minutes ago but it wasn’t something that he was going to mention. It was a nice bathroom to be sure, elegant and well-lit with warm yellow walls and sleek marble countertops.

Yuuri seemed to be taking in the room as well, eyes flickering around the walls and never quite meeting Viktor’s eye. Strangely, he looked nervous which was unexpected. This had been Yuuri’s idea, Yuuri’s request, after all. His head was tilted slightly downwards, letting the strands of dark hair fall into his eyes and obscuring them from Viktor’s view.

Partly in the hope that it would soothe Yuuri’s strange nervousness and partly borne from the desire to see Yuuri’s eyes again, Viktor reached up to cup Yuuri’s face in his hand, brushing the hair lightly from his eyes and tilting Yuuri’s head up a little so that their eyes were on each other again.

At the action Yuuri’s eyes softened, his mouth losing its hesitant frown and instead forming a small smile that seemed to light up his whole face. Hesitantly Yuuri reached up, stopping for a second to look deep into Viktor’s eyes, their faces held close together, before leaning in and kissing Viktor softly.

It was a far cry from the kind of kisses they had shared the last time Viktor had given in to the temptation of Yuuri again. Then Yuuri had been passionate, demanding. All biting kisses and rough, greedy touches, like an inferno that consumed them both and burnt out far too soon.

This time was completely different. Yuuri kissed softly, sweetly. A little hesitantly, like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with his mouth but was willing to try all the same. Kissed like he was savouring Viktor’s mouth, pressing them both close and kissing slowly like he was memorising the feeling of Viktor’s lips against his. Kissed like a lover.

Everything about Yuuri this evening had been different and Viktor couldn’t help but revel in the change. From nothing but glares filled with hatred to Yuuri speaking so honestly and openly with him with no guarding in his eyes. From the cold and impassive façade that Yuuri had used around Viktor for so long to easy blushes and small smiles and eyes that sparkled in the light of the banquet room. From demanding passion and burning fire and refusing to look at Viktor as he came to gazing into his eyes and sweet kisses that spread like warmth throughout Viktor’s whole body.

Viktor had once thought that Yuuri was a study in contradictions and that still held true even years later. There were so many different parts to him, so many different facets and Viktor loved Yuuri in so many different ways but this. This was the part that he decided that he loved the best.

Just when Viktor had decided to stay away for good, Yuuri had come to him in a way that broke past all his defences and left him helpless again. And just when he had accepted that they would never, could never, have more than what they already had, Yuuri talked to him that way, kissed him that way, and reminded Viktor why he would always want so much more.

Laughing a little at the irony, Viktor pulled away slightly and Yuuri leaned forward as he did so, still chasing the kiss. When their lips were finally apart his eyes fluttered open from where they had fallen closed, warm brown irises staring up at Viktor, highlighted by the bright lights of the room.

“Katsuki Yuuri,” Viktor said, and the words sounded different on his tongue than they had when they had come from Yuuri’s own mouth all those months ago. “You are nothing like I ever expected.”

“And you’re exactly like I always knew you were,” Yuuri said and there was a sudden hardness in his eyes, a sudden guarding that put both of them on edge. The atmosphere in the room shifted in an instant, tension hanging heavy in the air around them.

‘But what is that?’ Viktor wanted to groan in frustration. It had been a question he had been trying to ask for so long, to finally get to the root of the hatred that always seemed to underlie everything. ‘What do you think of me? What kind of person do you think I am, that makes you feel the way that you do and yet still come to me anyway?’

The one question he had been asking himself for years. The one question he had been trying to ask Yuuri for years and yet, every time he had Yuuri had cut him off, had refused to answer, had dodged the question and left Viktor feeling confused and lost because surely there must be a reason? Must be some logic behind Yuuri’s actions that he just didn’t understand yet but would suddenly become clear the minute Yuuri finally answered.

The last time they had slept together, Yuuri had told him not to talk. Had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want Viktor’s questions, didn’t want to deal with Viktor’s words. What they had between them was still so undefined and unclear and yet that was the one solid rule that Yuuri had set. And as soon as Viktor had broken it, Yuuri had left.

And yet Yuuri had spoken to him so openly minutes ago, had talked like friends and Viktor wasn’t going to let it go so easily. The mystery of Yuuri’s hatred had been one that had been plaguing him for years and he was determined to try one last time. Yuuri had cut him off every other time he had asked, had told him not to speak but he would never be content to forever remain in ignorance until he made one final attempt.

If Yuuri answered, then he would finally know. And if Yuuri didn’t, if he refused to reveal that one final secret just like he had always done, then he would have made his point abundantly clear.

“And what’s that?” Viktor asked, voice serious and eyes fixed on Yuuri.

‘What did you always know I was? What is it about me that causes so much hatred when you never show anything like that towards anyone else?’

Faltering a little, Yuuri looked a little startled at the question. As though he hadn’t been expecting Viktor to ask. For a few long seconds the words hung in the air between them, tension still filling the room as Viktor waited with bated breath for the answer.

But instead of answering, Yuuri’s eyes shuttered closed again and he reached up to pull Viktor down into another kiss, cutting off any other words that he could try and say.

And that was his answer then. When confronted outright with the question, Yuuri outright refused to respond. ‘Don’t talk’ he had said and it was clear that that was the single rule of their strange, half-relationship, the one law that Viktor had to live by if he wanted this to continue. Talking like they had at the banquet, like they had at the restaurant, that was allowed it seemed. But talking about the relationship, about feelings, about what this all meant and why Yuuri did what he did. Yuuri refused to accept that and this whole thing was, and always had been, played on his terms.

‘Those are the conditions he’s given you,’ the little voice in the back of Viktor’s mind told him. ‘Now you have to choose whether to accept or not.’

Viktor could hear the frustrated noise he made as Yuuri kissed him, cutting off all chance at further conversation but still he kissed back as Yuuri’s kisses became deeper and more demanding. Back at the banquet when he had agreed to follow Yuuri, he had known that this was all it was about for Yuuri and he had accepted that. Had decided to take what he was offered, little though it may be, because that was better than nothing. Finally knowing that the mystery of Yuuri’s hatred of him would now forever remain unsolved wasn’t going to make him turn back now. In a way, it was completely expected.

Viktor had failed to stay away because he was weak and there was something about Yuuri that drew him in and refused to let him go. And so he would take what he could get and stay silent on the rest and somehow, that would have to be enough for him in the end.

Sliding his hand from Yuuri’s face, he instead tangled it in Yuuri’s hair, feeling the silky softness of the strands slip through his fingers. In response, Yuuri slid his hands under the skin of Viktor’s shirt, his palms leaving hot trails across the skin he found there. Pushing him back slightly, Yuuri deepened the kiss again, pressing them both together and biting down lightly on Viktor’s lip and Viktor was lost.

It was easy, when he had Yuuri in his arms like this and desire running hot through his veins, to ignore everything else. To pretend when it was over that everything would be fine and Yuuri would remain in his arms and that the needy way that Yuuri kissed him would transfer over into Yuuri somehow needing him, not just what Viktor could give him.

Viktor could feel his hands tighten in Yuuri’s hair as he gasped into his mouth, allowing all his other thoughts to slide away and pure desire take their place. It had been so long since he had last touched Yuuri and sliding back into desperate kisses and needy passion was so easy when the want had been there for so long. Pushed down and locked away but present all the same.

Yuuri’s hands slid across the skin of Viktor’s waist before hooking his fingers into the beltloops of Viktor’s trousers and yanking him closer until their bodies were pressed flush together. Before Viktor could blink he had spun them around, pressing his own back to the marble countertop behind them with Viktor still held close.

One hand still twined in Yuuri hair, Viktor slid the other one across the skin of Yuuri’s neck and then down to rest against Yuuri’s waist, pulling him in even closer. As they kissed, Yuuri leaned back. The edge of the counter was pressing into the small of his back and the angle of their kisses forced him to arch his back, making Viktor lean down a little to kiss him properly. For a few minutes Viktor was content that way but soon the lack of access it gave him frustrated him and he grabbed the back of Yuuri’s thighs and lifted him up, sitting him on the countertop so that their heights were level again.

Yuuri’s body was lithe and strong and he wasn’t light by any means but Viktor had carried him before and he knew that despite the power that Yuuri’s body held, his slighter frame meant that picking him up was no real struggle at all.

Instead of protesting at the sudden change in position, Yuuri instead drew Viktor in. Wrapping his legs around Viktor back and pulling him closer, pressing their hips flush together. Pulling away from Yuuri’s mouth, Viktor kissed across the line of Yuuri’s jaw, mouthing his desire into the skin before pulling back to look Yuuri in the eye.

As he drew back, he caught a glimpse of movement behind Yuuri’s head and realised belatedly that Yuuri’s back was resting against a mirror. The clear glass showed the whole room in perfect clarity. The pale yellow walls, the pictures hanging innocently in their frames, the dark hair of Yuuri’s head as he leaned against it. And Viktor. Hair mussed and eyes blown wide, looking needy and desperate and already so lost.

The sight made Viktor want to look away in shame. It was a tangible reminder of how weak he was, that he had sworn to end this for good and yet Yuuri had called and he had come running again. And now here he was, dishevelled and wrecked and everything he wasn’t supposed to be and he didn’t even regret it and that was the worst part of it all.

As he pulled back, Yuuri whined a little, fingers grasping at Viktor even as he pulled away. His eyes were dark and full of desire and his cheeks were flushed, spots of red high on his cheekbones.

“Are you…do you want to leave?” Yuuri said and his voice cracked slightly on the words. He was looking unsure again but his fingers were still digging bruises into Viktor's skin and his breath was heaving in his chest. And he was looking directly at Viktor. Not like last time, when he had constantly been blocking Viktor from his view, when Viktor could have been anyone. This time his eyes were fixed on Viktor and Viktor alone. He was a beautiful mess and Viktor wouldn’t be able to leave even if he wanted to.

“No,” Viktor breathed, then spoke again because there was something important that he needed to say before they got lost in the kissing once again. “But the hotel was full so Yakov was forced to stay with me. We can’t go back to my room.”

They needed to move somewhere, needed to move this on because he was desperate and he knew that Yuuri was too and there was no point in waiting around any longer. By agreeing to this he had already damned himself and now he might as well continue to make the same mistakes again, since the damage had already been so thoroughly done. There was no coming back from this, from Yuuri. But then again, there never really had been.

“Oh. Uh, mine too. Is occupied I mean,” Yuuri stuttered and Viktor frowned a little, displeased at the sudden hindrance that put in his plans.

Before Viktor could say anything more, Yuuri ducked his head, looking ashamed suddenly. Hesitantly he made to jump down from the countertop where he had been sitting, keeping his eyes averted and Viktor reached out to grab his arm before he could stop himself. He didn’t want Yuuri to leave, or to stop looking at him again. And even if the night might not be able to go quite as planned, that didn’t mean it had to end as soon as this.

“There are…other things. If you want to?” he said, a little hesitant. Both times they had slept together before, Yuuri had demanded one thing and Viktor wasn’t sure if he would be content with anything else. His hesitance was proven misplaced however when Yuuri blurted out a ‘yes’, almost before Viktor had finished his sentence.

The eagerness of the words surprised Viktor for a second but he still hesitated a little when he leaned back in, wanting to make sure. Instantly, Yuuri reached back up and reinitiated the kiss, learning back and allowing Viktor to press him against the mirror again as he twined one of his hands into Viktor’s hair and pulled him close.

Slipping his hand lower, Viktor’s fingers came to rest on the fastenings of Yuuri’s trousers and he pulled back again, taking in the way that Yuuri clutched at him even as they drew apart.

“Is this alright.” he asked and Yuuri nodded, swallowing heavily and then gasping and shuddering a little when Viktor unfastened his trousers and reached down to take Yuuri in his hand. Wanting to taste Yuuri again, Viktor leant down and kissed him, hearing Yuuri moan a little at the touch. Yuuri was always so responsive like this and Viktor loved it. Loved taking him apart piece by piece and allowing Yuuri to do the same to him in return.

In return, Yuuri reached for Viktor’s own trousers, pulling them open and sliding his hand in to grasp Viktor’s cock. There was a slight tremble to his hand as he did so but soon his movements became more steady and sure, accompanied by little gasps and whines as Viktor’s touch sent shudders of pleasure rocking through his body. Involuntarily, Yuuri’s legs tightened around Viktor’s back, dragging him in even closer with the heels of his shoes pressing bruises into Viktor’s spine.

Moving his face away a little, Viktor looked at Yuuri again. Wanting to see the way that Yuuri’s eyes were fixed on him. Yuuri’s face was so open, raw emotion written across every line and his mouth was red with kissing, panting a little as he looked back at Viktor with wide eyes. Out on the ice he was cold and composed and perfectly untouchable. Here he was the exact opposite and it was a different kind of beauty but beauty all the same.

“You’re so beautiful.” Viktor whispered, the thoughts too much to contain to only his own mind. “Beautiful when you skate and beautiful like this. I…”

He trailed off, unable to find the words to express just what he was feeling. There were so many complex emotions rising inside him all at once when he looked at Yuuri, both good and bad, and nothing he could say would ever be enough to express them all.

The spots of colour on Yuuri’s cheeks darkened at the words and he pulled Viktor back into another kiss, twisting his wrist as he did so and causing another hot spike of pleasure to run through Viktor’s body, a moan slipping past his lips before he could stop it. Viktor returned the favour and it wasn’t long before they were both panting and gasping into each other’s mouths, foreheads pressed together and stealing kisses between breaths.

When Yuuri finally came it was with a gasp, his nails digging into Viktor’s skin and his body spasming as Viktor worked him through it. For a few seconds he remained motionless, breathing heavily with his eyes glassy as he came down from the high but then he finally moved his hand again and it wasn’t long before Viktor followed. Shuddering into Yuuri’s grip and bracing one hand on the mirror behind them for support as his legs went weak.

For a while they remained there, breath evening out as they stayed close together, coming down from the high. But eventually Yuuri shifted a little, unlocking his legs from behind Viktor’s back as he whispered into the silence.

“We need to go.” Yuuri told him and Viktor jerked his head back up as reality made a sudden and unwelcome appearance back into the little bubble of just the two of them that they had been encased in when they were together.

“We need to get back to the banquet,” Yuuri added, his voice a little rough. “We left too early. People really are going to start noticing we’re gone if we stay any longer.”

Despite his reluctance to go, Viktor had to acknowledge that Yuuri had a point. If Yakov hadn’t noticed his absence yet, he surely would if they stayed gone any longer.

Pulling away, he gave Yuuri room to slide back down to the floor, watching as Yuuri wobbled a little on his feet before turning away to wash the rapidly cooling come from his hand. Yuuri grabbed a few of the paper towels from the rack to clean himself up and Viktor followed suit, trying to make himself presentable enough to return back to the banquet room.

As soon as Yuuri had finished, he turned to leave and Viktor felt his heart lurch a little in his chest at the sight. Yuuri leaving was far too familiar to him by now. He should be used to it, he had come here this time expecting it after all but that still didn’t stop the faint ache at the sight of Yuuri’s retreating figure.

Instinctively Viktor reached out, brushing his fingers across Yuuri’s shoulder before freezing as Yuuri turned around to look at him questioningly.

“Your…ah…” Viktor fumbled for words, trying to think of a good enough excuse for his action without admitting the truth.

“Your hair,” he finally settled on, motioning to where Yuuri’s hair was standing up in ruffled spikes all across the back of his head, a remnant of Viktor’s fingers running through it not so long ago. It wasn’t an excuse to touch Yuuri again. It really wasn’t.

Raising his hand slowly, Viktor reached out, pleased when Yuuri didn’t shy away. Instead he stayed perfectly still as Viktor ran his hand lightly through Yuuri’s hair, flattening it gently. A bright red blush appeared across Yuuri’s cheeks as he did so, spreading across the bridge of his nose and up over his ears as Viktor touched him, the flush of colour beginning to creep down his neck as well. He shifted a little into the touch, an involuntary movement of his head that pressed into Viktor’s palm and made Viktor’s hand still in surprise as he felt it.

““You…uh…” Yuuri stammered, the blush still bright across his face as he averted his eyes. “You should probably wait a few minutes before you follow me out. So that people don’t notice.”

The words were like an icy cold bucket of water dumped over Viktor’s head and he dropped his hand quickly, trying to pull on an impassive face before the emotions that suddenly hit him like a punch to the chest showed through.

“Yeah, of course,” he said, trying to keep his voice level. “Of course no-one can know.”

He should have expected it really. After all, he had known that to the public eye, Yuuri still hated him as much as he ever had and they were still rivals. The complicated thing that now existed between them didn’t change that, just like it didn’t change Yuuri’s hatred which he had made abundantly clear on their first night together. So this new condition wasn’t really a surprise at all.

Suddenly, Yuuri’s nervousness when he had seen the ISU member looking at them made sense. His guilt, his desire to leave the room as quickly as possible. He still wanted Viktor, that much was certain. But he was ashamed to be seen with him in public. No-one could know what happened between them, no-one could even know that they were on even marginally friendly terms. There were many reasons why two skaters might have stepped out of the banquet for a little while together but Yuuri was scared for people to know even the tiniest sliver of what existed between them.

To the public they were enemies and nothing more. And it seemed that Yuuri wanted to keep it that way.

The hope that they could maybe one day be friends, even if he could have nothing, more faded away as Viktor looked at Yuuri, who was shifting slightly from foot to foot and not looking him in the eye again. In public, Yuuri wanted them to be rivals. In private, he wanted them to be…whatever they were. A dirty little secret to be locked away where no-one would ever be able to find it.

Before Viktor could speak again, Yuuri turned away from him. Hurrying towards the door and Viktor couldn’t help but call out one last time.

“Yuuri,” he called before he could stop himself and Yuuri turned around, startled. Viktor stretched out a hand, speaking before he had the chance to second guess himself.

“Give me your phone,” he said and Yuuri dug into his pocket and unlocked it, handing it over before his eyebrows furrowed a little and a confused look passed across his face.

“Why?” he asked as Viktor tapped the screen quickly, adding in his number before clicking the phone closed and handing it back.

“I’ve saved my number in there” Viktor said, watching the surprised look on Yuuri’s face grow at the words. “Just in case you…well in case you ever need me.”

Just in case. Just in case Yuuri ever changed his mind, in case he ever wanted to take up the offer of friendship that had been on the table for so long. Just in case he ever decided he wanted more than just quick fucks in locked rooms. Just in case Yuuri ever needed him. Just in case.

For now, Viktor would play the game with the rules that Yuuri had set. Would accept that what they had between them was this and nothing more. Wouldn’t let himself crave anything else. But now Yuuri had his number, just like he had his heart, and if Yuuri ever changed his mind then Viktor would be there waiting.

“Thanks,” Yuuri replied quietly, before turning to leave the room. This time Viktor didn’t stop him, just watched as Yuuri unlocked the door and slipped out, letting it swing shut with a click behind him.

Closing his eyes, Viktor let out a sigh, feeling the air huff out of his chest in one long exhale and his shoulders slump as he did so. Turning around he ran one hand over his face, looking up to see his own reflection staring back at him.

His hair was still a little ruffled, his tie skewed and a faint flush to his cheeks. He was a far cry from the charming and composed Viktor Nikiforov that people wanted to see and so he tried to force a smile back onto his face to prepare for re-entering the banquet. But it wouldn’t quite come.

“You’re an idiot,” he told his reflection and his reflection didn’t protest. He was an idiot for agreeing to all this, an idiot for loving Yuuri in the first place. An idiot for coming back over and over again even though he knew it would only end badly. But he did it anyway.

And he would keep on doing it. He knew that now. Had proven to himself that he would keep going and there was no point even pretending that he wouldn’t anymore. He would keep coming when Yuuri asked, keep playing the game because he wanted so much and even a taste of that was enough to feed the addiction that kept him hooked. He would keep playing the game with the rules that Yuuri had set until…well.

Until Yuuri didn’t want to play anymore.

When Viktor finally left the bathroom he slipped back into the banquet room quietly, noting the way the party was still in full swing and hoping that he hadn’t been missed. Yakov would probably cover for him if he had but if Yakov had to cover for him then that would mean…

“I see experience has taught you nothing,” a gruff voice from behind him called and Viktor spun around to see his coach standing there, looking unimpressed.

Instinctively he tensed up, squaring his shoulders and preparing himself for a fight but Yakov just waved him down, looking tired.

“Don’t bother trying to explain yourself Vitya, I don’t need to hear it. And I wont repeat myself again because I have told you to stay away from him before and yet you always have taken great pleasure ignoring me.”

Yakov didn’t look angry but he looked far from happy either.

“If you want to give up your dignity to become the cheap plaything of Yuuri Katsuki then I can’t stop you. But just remember that he wants nothing more than to tear you down. And every time you go to him, you do nothing but give him more ammunition.”

Yakov sighed and his eyes softened a little as he waved Viktor forward.

“Come on, there are some people that you need to meet. I’ve managed to secure a new sponsorship deal for you while you were…occupied but they’ll want to talk to you first before they sign.”

Viktor followed, taking a deep breath and trying to muster up as much false cheer as he could. The avoided lecture was a blessing but he was in no mood to sweet talk more sponsors, not matter how much he had to. It was something he was good at, something that came easily to him. Being light and charming and everything that people expected him to be. But that wasn’t always how he wanted to be and this was definitely one of those times.

“Try to forget about him Vitya,” Yakov said, resting a hand lightly on his arm as they wound their way through the crowds. “The next competition isn’t far away and you have a gold medal to win.”

10 Best Moments In The Nikiforov/Katsuki Rivalry

Posted on April 9 at 11:51 a.m.

Brandon McKay

BuzzFeed Staff

1. When Katsuki finally beat Nikiforov

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Every fan of figure skating remembers this historic moment. When after years of trying and failing and trying again, Katsuki finally took gold over Nikiforov at the Winter Olympics in a moment that left fans either leaping for joy or screaming in frustration. But no matter which side you’re on, no-one can deny that this was the moment that catapulted the rivalry between the two skaters from entertaining to legendary

2. Nikiforov’s comeback free skate

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After losing to Katsuki for the first time in the Winter Olympics and the following World Championships, everyone expected Nikiforov to either slink off into retirement or make one hell of a comeback. And boy did he not disappoint! With a free skate routine that left some fans in tears, his scores scraped just a couple of points under his own world record and kicked Katsuki down to his more familiar lower podium. Proving once again that you don’t mess with the Living Legend.

3. The Olympic podium

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Everyone knows the moment. That couple of seconds on the Olympics podium that had fans all over the world lamenting both the noise of the Olympic crowd and the recording equipment of the TV cameras because no-one has ever been able to work out exactly what was said. But everyone knows the moment. When Katsuki turned to Nikiforov on the Olympic podium and made a comment that had Nikiforov looking wide eyed and shocked and their third competitor, Christophe Giacometti, laughing in the background. We might never know exactly what he said but since Katsuki’s hatred of Nikiforov is legendary, people made some very good – and entertaining – guesses (Spoiler Alert: It’s not pretty)

4. The glare

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The moment that started it all. When an adorable 16 year old Katsuki went from wide eyed and angelic to downright pissed when standing next to Nikiforov on the podium for the first time. Standing in 3^rd place with Nikiforov above him on the top spot, fans noticed Katsuki giving Nikiforov the glare of his life and Nikiforov returning the gaze. It might still be years before Katsuki achieved his ultimate goal and took the gold from Nikiforov, securing their rivalry’s place as one for the history books, but this was the moment most fans agree the rivalry truly started.

5 “Not if, when”

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Both Katsuki and Nikiforov are notoriously slippery about each other in interviews, dodging questions with ease and a smile (Nikiforov) or just outright refusing to answer (Katsuki). But one thing that Katsuki never kept hidden was his goal of finally beating Nikiforov to a gold medal. Just a year after the famed glare and the beginnings of the rivalry in the public eye, one brave reporter asked Katsuki if he planned to unseat Nikiforov from his spot as reigning champion of the figure skating world. When Katsuki confirmed that he did, the reporter began to ask “If you do it…”, only to be cut off by Katsuki’s determined, “Not if, when.” All we can say to that is damn Katsuki.

6. When Katsuki lost by one point

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The fateful World Championships nearly four years ago when Katsuki smashed through his PB but still came second to Viktor by a single point. From the look on his face, he was absolutely crushed and so were his loyal fans. But by the next season he was winning his first World Championship gold with Nikiforov out of the season on an injury and so it clearly didn’t convince him to give up like some believed it might.

7. Katsuki’s belief in Nikiforov returning

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Speaking of Nikiforov’s injury, during the season that he was out, speculation ran wild as to whether he would be returning at all. The most prominent rumour was that the injury was severe enough to keep the 23 year old skater off the ice for good. But the one person who never believed those rumours were true was the last person you might expect. When asked his thoughts on Nikiforov’s retirement, Katsuki shut the offending reporter down by telling him, “I’m looking forward to facing Nikforov on the ice again next season.” Katsuki might hate Nikiforov with all his heart but it’s clear there’s some level of mutual respect between them at least. Either that or Katsuki just refused to let Nikiforov retire until he had his chance to crush him in competition.

8. Nikiforov’s record breaking free skate

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Coming back from his season off, most people expected Nikiforov’s performance to be underwhelming after so long away from the ice. But Nikiforov not only made one of the most spectacular returns in history but also broke the world record that he himself had previously set, raising the bar impossibly high for anyone else who’d dare challenge his legacy.

What’s more interesting however was Katsuki’s reaction. Or lack of it to be more accurate. He never even stayed to finish watching Nikiforov’s performance, instead walking out of the area before it was done. They might not like each other but on Nikiforov’s part, that’s got to hurt. You work for a whole season to be fit enough to compete again, smash through your own world record to set a new standard in figure skating and your rival can’t even be bothered to watch? Ouch.

9. The crash

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Not exactly a highlight to be sure but we can’t not mention the infamous crash that left Nikiforov with a spectacular set of bruises and Katsuki with a head injury that would ruin his final performance and send his score plummeting down the ranks. Some fans screamed foul play on Nikiforov’s part but no official accusations were levelled. And from Nikiforov’s terrified reaction on the rink when he realised what had happened, it looked like foul play was the last thing on his mind.

10. The nod on the podium

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A small moment caught on camera during last season’s Grand Prix Final but a notable one all the same. It may seem too small to be on a list like this but it seemed important to mention all the same. While Katsuki might not have looked happy about coming in second place but on the podium, fans noticed him giving Nikiforov a congratulatory nod to acknowledge the other skater’s win, causing Nikiforov to smile back. After years of glaring and downright loathing, the moment was almost…sweet. They might be far from friends but it seems like the intense hatred might finally be dying out and something more like mutual respect growing in its place.

Tune in to tonight's NBC broadcast of the European Figure Skating Championships where Viktor Nikiforov will be competing in the Men’s Singles division.

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At the European Championships, Viktor took gold and Chris took silver. After the formal celebrations were over, they decided to go out and celebrate along with a handful of other skaters from various divisions. The bar they ended up in was noisy and crowded and as the night wore on and alcohol flowed more freely, skaters began to break away from the table until finally it was just Viktor and Chris left sitting together.

“I feel old,” Chris commented and Viktor snorted into his drink, watching as Chris eyed two of the other skaters flirting heavily with each other from across the other side of the bar while another sat in the corner with what seemed to be a bar regular, both looking very occupied.

“You’re twenty-four Chris, you’re not exactly ancient,” Viktor pointed out. “And would you really want to be involved in that?” He nodded over to where one of the skaters had moved to practically sitting in the other’s lap, the alcohol and the atmosphere giving them the false confidence to continue.

“I think your boyfriend might not be very happy if you were,” he added and Chris laughed.

“You’re right,” he conceded. “I love him far too much for that. And anyway, with what I get every time I come home, I hardly need to go looking for company somewhere else.”

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at the statement and Viktor rolled his eyes, taking another gulp of his drink to hide his smile. No matter how many jokes Chris made, Viktor knew exactly how enamoured the other man really was and he was happy for him. Chris might be a brazen flirt in public but when he gave over his heart he gave it fully and completely. And after meeting his boyfriend many months before, Viktor had had to concede that Chris had made a very good choice.

“You on the other hand…” Chris began and Viktor stiffened, not liking the implication in Chris’s tone. “You my friend, need to get laid.”

“No I don’t,” Viktor replied, trying to shrug off the words and hoping that Chris would move onto something else, and fast.

“Yes you do,” Chris insisted, leaning over the table and poking his finger lightly into Viktor’s chest. They had both been drinking for a while and the alcohol made Chris sway slightly but his eyes were sharp and fully alert. “When was the last time you had sex Viktor?”

“A month or so ago,” Viktor shrugged, trying to keep it as casual as possible. Chris snorted out a laugh and sat back down, eyeing Viktor sceptically.

“Let me rephrase that,” he said, raising an eyebrow as he looked pointedly at Viktor. “When was the last time you had sex with someone other than Yuuri Katsuki.”

“What does it matter?” Viktor shot back because there was no way he was going to tell Chris the truth. Nearly three years was a long time after all.

It wasn’t that he was against casual hook-ups because he wasn’t. He had had them himself after all, when he was younger and more relaxed and there was a mutual agreement between both parties to just have some fun together. Most of them he still kept in touch with and it was hardly something that he was ashamed of.

It was just that when Yuuri had come into his life, all the rest had seemed to fade away. Viktor had been fascinated by Yuuri for years but then one night he had watched Yuuri skate his old routine and fallen hard and fast and for good and after that, no-one else could seem to compare. He just didn’t have any interest anymore and hadn’t for years now.

“It matters,” Chris said, placing heavy emphasis on the word. “It matters because a hatefuck once a year isn’t good for the soul and you really need to get some more action with someone who doesn’t tell you they hate you right before you put your dick in. Honestly Viktor, much as it pains me to admit it, you are very far from unattractive as well as unfairly talented and there are at least ten people in this room, quite possible more, who I can see are ready to jump your bones at the first opportunity. Go have some fun and relax for a change.”

“I’m not in the mood Chris,” Viktor sighed, hoping that his friend would drop it but knowing that he probably wouldn’t. “Why do you care anyway?”

“Because you’re moping around hung up over one guy, who’s probably out right now having some good old-fashioned fun between the sheets I might add, and you really need to get over it.” Chris retorted, voice firm. “You know this isn’t a real relationship Viktor, so why are you treating it like one? You’re not committed to him and he’s not committed to you. He comes to you for some casual fun once a year and that’s it and you know it, no matter how much you keep desperately reaching for more. Maybe having some fun yourself for a change will help you feel better instead of all the pathetic pining that you’re doing right now.”

“Look, just drop it Chris ok?” Viktor told him and Chris put up his hands in mock surrender.

“Ok, ok, fine. You’re a romantic Viktor and I get that. But do you honestly think that he’s waiting for you too?”

“Of course I don’t,” Viktor sighed and the words hurt because they were true. Yuuri came to him once a year and left almost straight after. He was looking for something casual and easy and at competitions that’s exactly what he could find with Viktor.

But Yuuri lived an ocean away and over the course of the rest of the year, Viktor was no longer the easy option. Yuuri would find his partners in other people because Chris was right, they weren’t together and they never would be. Yuuri wasn’t his and there was no claim that he could stake that would bind Yuuri to him and him alone, no matter how much he wished there could be.

“I just…I don’t want…” he gestured vaguely at the bar around them, hoping his point got across well enough because he wasn’t sure if he could fully verbalise the feeling. The fact that he had no interest in anyone else like he used to because the thought of quick pleasure with an anonymous body was now so far from what he truly wanted.

“You don’t want casual sex.” Chris finished for him. “You want more. You want someone to love. And you want someone to love you.”

Viktor looked away, not wanting to look Chris in the eye because it was true but it was only true of one person. He didn’t just want anyone. He wanted Yuuri, he had for a long time now.

“Look, Viktor,” Chris said, running a hand over his face and turning away for a second before looking back, his face serious. “I know how it never worked out for you in the past. How people didn’t see you behind the medals, how they couldn’t deal with how much of yourself you give to the ice even if they did. But that doesn’t mean it never will.”

Viktor looked back up and Chris continued, voice soft and low but audible still even in the loudness of the bar.

“You’re lonely. That’s why you’re doing this, you realise that right? You’ve spent your whole life devoted to nothing but skating and now you want more. And it didn’t work out for you before and you saw something in Yuuri and now you’re accepting so much less than you deserve because you think that it’s all that you’ll ever be able to have.”

“I’m not lonely!” Viktor protested but Chris just raised an eyebrow, looking at him sceptically.

The part that was so infuriating was that parts of what Chris was saying was true. He had sold his soul to the ice when he was only a child and he had never once looked back. Skating was his life, the only thing he cared about. Relationships came and went and fell apart because of it but skating was the one thing in his life that he could always rely on. And it had always been enough until suddenly it wasn’t anymore.

 “I’m not lonely.” he said again, fixing Chris with a hard stare. “And I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Fine,” Chris said and Viktor saw as he conceded, the seriousness draining out of his eyes and his body language relaxing again. “But this isn’t over. And if you ever want to talk Viktor…”

He left the statement hanging in the air and Viktor smiled, trying to lighten the atmosphere again. They were supposed to be having fun after all.

“I appreciate it.” he told Chris, then motioned to their almost empty glasses. “Time for another round?”

“On me.”

Chris pulled his wallet out and stood up, eyeing the crowds around the bar as though plotting out the best way to navigate through before turning back to Viktor.

“You definitely need another drink and so do I.”

viktornikiforov.png

minatu

Viktor Nikiforov in his free skate costume. Please do not repost! :D

#Viktor Nikiforov #Figure Skating #he looks so good in this costume #my feelings about it can accurately be summed up by Kermit on fire #art

6,755 notes

Yuuri_Katsuki.gif

chessala

Yuuri Katsuki at the GPF medal ceremony

#Katsuki Yuuri #Figure Skating #The new living legend

4,210 notes

Who’s ready to see Katsuki kick Nikiforov’s ass in the upcoming World Championships?

#Katsuki Yuuri #Viktor Nikiforov #I’m so excited for this

Source: chainelements

1,142 notes

Viktor_Nikiforov.jpg

nicaforov

Viktor Nikiforov through the years

#Viktor Nikiforov #he was such a cute kid #and now he’s so hot it makes me want to die

3,893 notes

Who’s your favourite -Viktor Nikiforov or Yuuri Katsuki

There’s a lot of debate in the fandom on who’s better, Nikiforov or Katsuki and so I propose we finally put it to a vote and see who’s the real fandom favourite!

Do you vote for Katsuki? All dark and mysterious. Adorable off the ice and hot as hell on it in a mark-me-down-ask-scared-and-horny kind of way. Incredibly sweet to all his all his fans but still a social media recluse (I know, it’s a tragedy for us all). Loved by millions (me included) but still really humble despite it all.

Or do you instead vote for Nikiforov? Sex god of ice skating who’s been causing people of all genders to chuck their panties across the room whenever he gets near for years (literally. We all remember the Ice Show Incident). Social media junkie and dog lover who has all of our hearts melting on a regular basis. Beloved by everyone who talks to him (unless you’re, you know, Yuuri Katsuki). Commonly known as the Living Legend.

Honestly, it’s hard to choose. But come on, we all know that there can be only one winner in the Nikiforov/Katsuki rivalry and not just in their skating. Vote here and finally decided who’s the real winner of our hearts

#Viktor Nikiforov #Yuuri Katsuki #Figure Skating #Viktuuri

Source: woodentrain

2,305 notes

During the run up to the World Championships, Viktor practiced hard and for longer and longer hours, Yakov sometimes having to shoo him out of the rink when he found Viktor sleeping in the changing rooms with one skate still strapped to his foot on more than one occasion. His coach warned him about the dangers of over-practicing but Viktor mainly ignored the advice until one day he landed badly on his quad salchow, sending him sprawling across the ice and a sharp pain shooting through his ankle.

It wasn’t broken, or even sprained. He had just landed badly and his pride was hurt far more than his body. Yakov ordered him off the ice with a scowl and sent the rink medic to have a look at him. After she had proclaimed him fine he hung around at the side of the rink, giving Georgi pointers on his program while the icepack on his ankle gradually warmed to room temperature.

After running through his program a few times, Georgi skated over to the barrier, hanging over the side and looking to where Viktor was sitting on one of the low benches that ringed the room.

“Do you ever think about retiring Viktor?” he asked unexpectedly and Viktor jolted in surprise, the question entirely unexpected.

“No?” Viktor replied, wondering what had brought about that particular topic of conversation. Georgi nodded towards his ankle and Viktor understood.

“I do sometimes,” Georgi added, gazing off into the distance in the dramatic way he always favoured. “Younger skaters than us are already gone.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to go too,” Viktor shot back, feeling a little defensive all of a sudden. He was only twenty-six. Old for a skater sure but no-where near old enough or ready to leave the ice for good. He had never once considered what his life would be like after he retired and there was no point in doing it yet, when it was still so far away.

“Your body might disagree,” Georgi pointed out and Viktor glared at him before looking down at his ankle in irritation. The injury was minor, enough to keep him off the ice for a day at most. It might be true that his joints ached more and more every passing season, that sometimes it hurt to walk home after a day of practice because his feet were so worn from the constant abuse. That he seemed to injure more easily now than he ever had before. But that didn’t mean anything. He could still jump a quad flip as easy as breathing, could still win gold after gold even if his knees sometimes ached long after he left the ice.

“You’ll have to retire at some point,” Georgi continued, seemingly oblivious to Viktor’s irritation. “We both will. What are you going to do? Keep on skating until your body breaks on the ice?”

“No need to be so dramatic Georgi,” Another voice came from behind them and Viktor looked to see Mila skid to a stop next to the boards, a mischievous grin plastered across her face. She always had a talent for arriving just at the right moment to tease the other skaters and it was one she abused mercilessly.

“And of course Viktor isn’t going to retire yet. We all know he’s got someone special waiting for him at the competitions.”

Viktor gave her a warning look but she only laughed, waving it away light-heartedly. 

“Come on Viktor lighten up, it’s just a joke. It’s not like you actually ever slept with him again after all.”

Viktor caught the guilty look that flashed across his face, turning it into a look of cool aloofness but not quite in time. 

“You did!” Mila gasped, looking part excited and part horrified. “Yakov is going to kill you.”

“Yakov already knows,” Viktor pointed out and Georgi sighed, placing his hand on his heart and looking at Viktor forlornly.

“You shouldn’t give your heart to someone who’ll never love you back.” he proclaimed as Mila looked at him from the corner of her eye, obviously trying not to laugh. “You should be looking for true love instead. Anya and I for example…”

Mila made a retching noise and Georgi turned to look at her, looking affronted. She grinned cheekily back at him and then turned back to Viktor, eyes wide.

“I can’t believe you slept with him again,” she exclaimed and Viktor silently willed her to keep her voice down. In such a close knit rink, everyone knew everything about everyone else but that didn’t mean he wanted anyone else joining in on the conversation. At the look, Mila lowered her voice fractionally.

“Yakov told you he was sleeping with you to win and you did it again anyway,” she hissed, although her voice still sounded very loud in the echoing size of the skating rink. “And you lost last Grand Prix Final to him as well!”

Since he had slept with Yuuri after his loss and not before, her point was far from valid but Viktor wasn’t going to say that out loud. The less of his personal life his rink-mates knew the better considering how quickly gossip spread around the rink.

“What did Yakov say?” Georgi asked, cutting into the conversation and Viktor sighed, trying to end it as quickly as possible. His ankle had started to hurt again and he had no desire to talk about this right now, or ever.

“It’s none of his business what I do,” he said instead before looking pointedly at them both. “Just like its none of yours.”

The slight bitterness in his tone must have shone through because both of them looked slightly remorseful at the words.

“Wow, you’re actually really cut up about this aren’t you?” Mila asked him but her voice was far softer than it had been before. “The fact that he’s using you.”

She sighed and shook her head, looking at him pityingly.

"Who would ever have thought it? Viktor Nikiforov falling in love with a playboy.”

Viktor was about to protest that Yuuri wasn’t a playboy, nor was he being used, at least in the way they thought he was anyway, but they were interrupted again by a sharp call of ‘Hey!’ coming from across the rink.

Another skater skidded to a stop next to them, blond hair whipping around his face as he did so.

“Yakov’s mad at you, idiot,” he shot at Georgi, scowling as he did so. “And he made me play messenger to tell you to get your useless ass back to practicing and to tell you…”  he turned on Viktor and Viktor grinned back even as a glare was directed his way. “…to stop distracting the skaters who are competent enough to actually skate today.”

“Charming as ever Yuri,” Mila laughed, reaching out to ruffle his hair even as the junior skater swatted her away with a hiss.

“What are you all doing over here anyway?” Yuri asked as Georgi skated away, obviously not wanting to risk the wrath of his coach. “I heard you mention Viktor. What’s the idiot gone and done this time?”

Part of Viktor was glad that apparently tales of his sordid love life hadn’t made their way down to the junior skaters and part of him was growing wary of the gleam in Mila’s eyes at the words.

Although honestly, he was surprised that she hadn’t told Yuri already. Yuri might be a junior skater but he was a protégé, a rising star in the Junior division and one of Yakov’s top skaters. His position - one that Viktor had been in himself many years ago - bred resentment among the other junior skaters and so Yuri chose to hang around with the seniors more often than not, although he swore it was just because he was too far ahead of the other juniors to bother with them. It seemed that he barely tolerated any of the senior skaters either but Mila had taken him under her wing and had yet to let him go.

“I don’t know, I think Yuri is a bit too young to hear about this, don’t you?” Mila asked him, glancing playfully over to where Yuri scowled at her, barking out a short ‘I’m not too young, you hag’ and glaring at the both. The glare was probably supposed to be intimidating but the young teenager’s frame was slight and his voice was yet to crack and he looked far more like a puffed-up kitten whose fur had been stroked the wrong way than anything to make the other two cower in fear.

Mila laughed at his reaction, obviously exactly what she was going for and Viktor watched the two of them in amusement. It was one of her favourite games, seeing how many of Yuri’s buttons she could press and it never failed to provoke an entertaining reaction.

“Well,” she grinned, waggling her eyebrows theatrically as Yuri scowled. “If you must know, Viktor and Katsuki have been getting really friendly at competitions lately.”

“What?” Yuri asked, the scowl dropping off his face to be replaced by a look of confusion.

“Yuri, I though you said you weren’t too young for this?” Mila teased, laughing at Yuri’s outraged expression. “Really friendly. As in ‘special friends’. As in ‘when two adults love each other very much…’”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Yuri’s outraged expression morphed into one of horror as Mila burst out laughing beside him.

Then he rounded on Viktor, pointing at him accusingly.

“And what the hell?” he asked, his face looking like it was stuck between the horror from before and bafflement. “I thought he hated you?”

“He does.” Viktor said and that brought both of them up short, Mila’s laughter dying away to be replaced with a look of guilt and Yuri just staring.

“Then why…” he asked, the confusion clear in his voice. “Why are you…”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Viktor sighed. “And you’re too young for this. I’m not going to have this conversation with either of you.”

“Yakov thinks Katsuki is a cheat,” Mila interjected, looking at Yuri. “He thinks that Katsuki is doing it to try and make sure that he wins the gold.”

“I…” For a second Yuri looked strangely vulnerable but then his face closed off again and he was back to scowling. “I thought he was a good skater. I didn’t think he’d stoop that low.”

There was a bitter sort of viciousness in Yuri’s voice and Viktor wanted to cut that train of thought off before it even started.

“But it’s not true.” he added before Mila could get another word in. “Yakov is wrong. It’s a lot more complicated than that. But Yuuri would never do that to win, that’s not what it’s about.”

Viktor knew categorically that whatever Yuuri’s reasons for coming to him, it wasn’t to manipulate his way to victory. Whether to distract Viktor or bribe him, that wasn’t Yuuri’s style. And Viktor would never lose to him on purpose. He respected Yuuri far too much for that and it just wasn’t in his nature.

But Yuri still looked unconvinced and so Viktor continued.

“I know you look up to him Yuri,” he began, a little placatingly, but Yuri cut him off.

“I don’t look up to him.” he snapped, cheeks colouring as he did so. “I just think he sucks less than the rest of you, that’s all.”

Viktor was unconvinced. The first time he had met Yuri, he had been practicing one of Yuuri’s step sequences with a devotion he rarely showed to anything else. Over the years, Viktor had picked out little glimpses of Yuuri in the younger skater’s routine. Had seen the way he still pored over videos of Yuuri’s programs the way some people pored over Viktor’s. Yuri might never admit it but Viktor knew all the same.

And now that Yuri knew what had happened between him and Yuuri, he didn’t want Yuri’s image of Yuuri to be tainted by Yakov’s paranoia. Yuuri won on his own merit, not from some underhand tactic and dirty dealing and Viktor wanted to make sure that Yuri understood that. Broken pedestals were hard things to get over after all.

“Yakov is wrong,” he tried again, although none of the tension drained from Yuri’s shoulders at the words.

“Then why is he sleeping with you?” Yuri asked and his voice was much quieter than it was before but there was an undercurrent of anger there, just below the surface. “If he doesn’t love you then he’s sleeping with you to get something else and he’s a cheat, just like Yakov thinks.”

“He’s sleeping with me because he wants to.” Viktor told him, regretting everything that had led up to this conversation, not for the first time. Yuri was too young for this, he wouldn’t understand. The world was still in black and white for him and the complexities of his and Yuuri’s relationships was not something that a barely teenage boy would be able to comprehend.

“And I’m sleeping with him because I want to. And it’s nobody’s business but our own.”

With that he shot a pointed look at Mila and she had the grace to look ashamed. He wasn’t angry, not really. The ribbing and teasing and lack of privacy at the rink was all done out of love but he would rather keep his feelings about Yuuri to himself as much as possible.

A shout from across the rink caused all three of them to look up, Mila and Yuri turning around to see Yakov waving at them angrily, signalling for them both to get back on the ice. Mila shot him another apologetic look before she turned and skated away, Yuri following suit a few seconds after.

After a couple of meters he stopped, turning to look back at Viktor with a strange expression on his face. He opened his mouth as if to speak but said nothing. Finally he shook his head and turned away, sliding back out onto the rink and leaving Viktor sitting alone in the stands again.

sacheland · 10m ago

Please tell me that @V-nikiforov is going to retire soon. He’s old and boring and he definitely can’t match actually good skaters like Katsuki anymore

father-nikiforov · 9m ago

@sacheland  you can fight me on this one bitch

slytheringirlxxxx · 7m ago

@father-nikiforov  Hahaha no need to get so defensive about it loser. We all know Viktor fans are touchy because they know their idol is losing his edge

history-rover · 6m ago

@slytheringirlxxxx He just won silver at the GPF and he’s still the most decorated skater in history. I’d hardly call that ‘losing his edge’.

vegabonk · 5m ago

@history-rover Yeah, he won silver. He used to win gold all the time and now he’s slipping. First silver, then bronze, then bye bye Viktor Nikiforov

lemoncupcakes · 5m ago

@vegabonk He won’t be missed lmao

thisisjustmefangirling · 4m ago

I honestly didn’t hate Katsuki that much until I saw his fans and now I want him to go burn in hell with the rest of you. You’re all such disgusting people I s2g

ifshehadwings · 2m ago

@thisisjustmefangirling At least we’re not all obsessive over a has-been skater who had to cheat last season to win. We all know that crash wasn’t really an accident…

felicity-kitten · 2m ago

@ifshehadwings  1.   Yes it was   2.   Don’t be such a bitch   3. Viktor is the. most. decorated. skater. in. history. And he’s still winning medals at 26 even when loads of other skaters have retired because he’s just that good

ssugar9005 · 1m ago

@felicity-kitten Keep telling yourself that and one day you might actually believe it

During the World Championships, Viktor didn’t see much of Yuuri for the first few days. That in itself wasn’t too unusual but he found the more the competition progressed, the more his desire to seek out the other skater became. Now that he had accepted that he would keep coming back to Yuuri, even if he now expected nothing else, he wanted to see him again.

For a while he debated what to do before finally deciding to try and initiate a friendly sort of contact. It would be as good a step as any and even if Yuuri didn’t want to be friends, being good competitors at least wasn’t too far of a stretch.

‘Good luck tomorrow” he texted quickly, sending it before he could give himself a chance to second guess himself. After he had given Yuuri his number there had been no correspondence from the other man, aside from a text shortly after that simply read ‘this is Yuuri’. Viktor had saved the number into his phone and from then on there was nothing but silence between them.

There was a short buzz from his phone only a few short seconds after the text had sent and Viktor clicked it open quickly, seeing the message flash up onto his screen. ‘You too’ it read and Viktor smiled a little, clicking the phone closed again and tossing it back onto his bed.

Not matter how far they were from where he had once dreamed they could be, he couldn’t deny that they had come a long way from where they had begun. Once upon a time Yuuri had been nothing but stony silence and hate filled glares, brimming with resentment and anger from a source that Viktor had never properly understood.

But now here they were, texting each other wishes of luck the night before the short program. Friendly competitors might not be the extent of what Viktor longed for but he would take it. It was improvement from where they had begun at least.

During the short program, Viktor performed well. The extra hours of training he had put in paid off and placed him at the top of the scoreboard. The programs that he had been using during the season still might not feel quite right but he could pull them off flawlessly and he left the rink to the sound of the crowds screaming his name.

Yuuri on the other hand didn’t perform so well. His step sequences were excellent as always but the execution of a few of his jumps were a little shaky and he touched down on the landing of his quad toe loop as the audience sighed in disappointment around him. It wasn’t a fatal mistake but it was enough to lower his score and leave him sitting in third place when the day ended.

After the short programs were finished, Viktor lost sight of Yuuri for a while. Yakov wanted to talk to him and then there were reporters to placate and short interviews to do before he could finally escape back to the backstage area.

To his surprise, when he arrived it was to see Chris talking with Yuuri from across the room. Yuuri’s cheeks were scarlet and there was an amused expression on Chris’ face. Almost as soon as Viktor arrived, Chris took his leave. Giving a jaunty wave to Yuuri as he walked away, not seeming to notice Viktor standing across on the other side of the room.

As Chris left, Yuuri whipped his head around, eyes finally locking onto Viktor. As soon as he saw Viktor he tensed up, averting his eyes and looking pointedly away. It was a clear sign that he definitely did not want to talk and so instead of going to him, Viktor turned and walked out of the door, making his way through the corridors until he spotted Chris again.

“What were you and Yuuri talking about?” he asked as he approached and Chris laughed, eyes dancing in amusement.

“I was just filling him in on some of his finer moments,” Chris explained and when Viktor shot him a questioning look he elaborated.

“The Olympics,” he said. “I was right, he didn’t remember much.”

That wasn’t particularly unexpected. The general consensus of the people at that fateful Olympics party was that Yuuri had been so drunk he would be lucky to be able to walk in the morning, let alone remember. That and the fact that Yuuri’s thighs were god’s gift to mankind and a significant portion of the room would have been more than happy to join him in bed had Yuuri been sober and not completely wasted.

“How did that even come up?” Viktor asked, baffled at how a banquet of years past had somehow made it into Yuuri and Chris’ conversation. The two were on reasonably good terms but they weren’t exactly close.

“Oh, he was congratulating me on my short program, I was inviting him to join the rest of the skaters out for drinks,” Chris said airily, waving his hand in a vague motion. “But you know him. The mysterious Yuuri Katsuki, as elusive as ever. He turned the offer down.”

“Congratulating you on your short program?” Viktor asked, all but ignoring the second part of that statement. The words had caused a sharp spike of jealously to rush through him. Chris had only come second, Viktor was the one who was sitting in first place. And yet Yuuri hadn’t congratulated him.

“Yes,” Chris said slowly, eyeing him with something that looked an awful lot like pity. “He does that to everyone. Everyone but you.”

Viktor could feel his shoulders slump as he let out a sharp exhale at the words. It was true, Yuuri might be renowned for being elusive but he was a good competitor and Viktor had seen him congratulating his fellow skaters on a good performance on more than one occasion. But never Viktor.

Chris shook his head, looking exasperated and still with the hint of pity in his eyes.

“I don’t know what it is Viktor but there’s just something about you. To everyone else he seems like a genuinely nice person. But there’s something about you that he seems to really hate and it’s way beyond jealousy because he just congratulated me on a program that beat his own. What did you do, to make him resent you that much?”

“I don’t know,” Viktor groaned, feeling the age old confusion and frustration rush through him again. “Believe me Chris, if I knew I would tell you but I have no idea.”

“Well, whatever it is, I stand by my statement that you should get over him,” Chris advised, turning to walk away with Viktor following so that they were side by side as they passed down the corridor. “He might be nice to me but he’s not good for you and you need to let him go.”

If only it were that easy.

Viktor should have known that Chris wasn’t going to leave the issue alone and he was proven right the very next day. During the early morning practice they were all out on the rink, dodging and weaving around each other as they ran through their routines.

After hours of practice Chris was the first to leave, Viktor following close after. As Chris reached down to pull on his skate guards at the side of the rink, Viktor looked back to the ice where Yuuri was still skating. His brows were furrowed and he looked completely focused, working his way through a complex set of spins that showed off every line of his lithe body.

“Oh no,” Chris said, looking at Viktor and taking in the way his eyes were still fixed on Yuuri. “I know that expression and I’m telling you Viktor, don’t do it.”

Grabbing Viktor’s arm, Chris hauled him away, walking them both to the changing rooms to strip off their skates and change into more comfortable clothes.

“I thought you once told me I could make my own bad decisions,” Viktor pointed out and Chris looked at him, unamused.

“Be that as it may,” he told Viktor, stuffing his practice shirt into his bag and zipping it closed. “That doesn’t mean I’m not going to advise you against it every chance I get. And I saw the way that you were looking at him just now. I thought you were going to stay away?”

He hadn’t told Chris what had happened during the last Grand Prix Final, how he had given in again and realised that he was going to keep doing so. How he had decided to not expect anything more from Yuuri but to keep what they already had because he still wanted so badly and it was easier than trying to stay away for good.

“I changed my mind,” he shrugged. “You know me Chris. Always a surprise.

He followed Chris out into the hallway and as they walked they stayed away from the bustle corridors of the main stadium, busy even at the early hour. Instead they opted to navigate the twisting maze of back corridors as they wound their way towards the exit.

Soon there was no-one around them at all and unexpectedly Viktor felt a tug at his arm, Chris grabbing him by the elbow and tugging him into one of the rooms lining the corridor, pushing the door shut behind them.

The room was drab and empty, some kind of unused storage room covered with a fine layer of dust. Viktor was about to ask Chris what he was doing but Chris beat him to the punchline.

“You’re going to sleep with him again aren’t you?” Chris asked and Viktor nodded because it wasn’t like there was any point hiding it.

“Viktor, if this was mutual I’d say go ahead and have all the fun wild sex that you want,” Chris told him but there was very little humour in his tone. “But it’s not. He wants a quick fuck and an easy goodbye and you were already starting to pick out the wedding rings before this even began. That’s a dangerous game you’re playing, for you far more than it is for him. He’s made it clear to you that he just wants something casual and easy and yet from the way you looked at him I can see you still want more. And you keep going back even though he’s made it obvious he’ll never give it. That’s on you. You’re a masochist in the worst way. And not the fun sexy kind either.”

“I know.” Viktor replied because he did. He might have accepted never having anything but what already existed between them but that would never truly be able to stop him wanting.

“Viktor, you want something you know you’re never going to have.” Chris added and his voice was soft and placating. “You need to give it up now. You’re practically begging for scraps as it is and you’re still getting almost nothing in return.”

“I know.” Viktor said again and this time his voice was harsh and there was a crack on the words because he knew that they were true.

“I’m sorry Chris,” he added because he hadn’t meant to shout. It was just that the reminder that he still wanted more, even if now he had accepted that he would never have it, still stung.

“I just. I know what’s going on ok?” he told his friend, trying to keep his voice calm and even this time. He hadn’t told Chris about his decision to give up on pursuing a relationship with Yuuri, to accept what Yuuri offered and be content with that, but now was as good a time as any. “I understand how this works. But I can’t change what I want. If this is all I’m ever going to get, even if I can’t have anything else, then I’ll take it. That’s better than nothing after all.”

“Is it?” Chris said and his tone was serious. He paused for a second, taking Viktor in and then sighed and shook his head.

“You’re in far too deep Viktor and no-one can stop you. But even if you pretend to be content with this we both know you won’t ever be.  It’s only going to break your heart in the end and it won’t be Yuuri Katsuki picking up the pieces when it does.”

“Maybe it won’t break my heart,” Viktor pointed out, feeling defensive all of a sudden but Chris only laughed at him, although the sound was a little sad.

“Of course it will,” he told Viktor. “You’ve given him your heart and he’s never going to give it back in one piece. Even if this is just sex for you both now, you can’t make him stay forever and one day he’s going to leave and it will hurt you all over again. And more than that, you can’t just wait around forever to come running when he calls. You’re Viktor Nikiforov, you’re far better than that.”

“Well maybe he’ll come running when I call then,” Viktor shot back, annoyed by the implication in Chris’ words. He might have chosen to play the game by Yuuri’s rules but that didn’t mean he was simply at the other’s beck and call and able to ask for nothing for himself. 

“You think he’ll come if you ask?” Chris asked him, raising an eyebrow sceptically. “He never has before.”

“And I’ve never asked before.” Viktor pointed out because it was true. Every time before it had been Yuuri initiating their encounters, Yuuri calling the shots and Viktor following where he lead. But now Viktor knew that there would be nothing else between them, not love, not even friendship. Just this. And even if that was all the relationship that they would ever have, it would be an equal one. He might settle for a lot less than he wanted but he wouldn’t settle for any less than that.

“Then call,” Chris said and there was a challenge in his voice. “If you’re going to sleep with him anyway then don’t wait for him. Call and see if he’ll come. Because if he doesn’t then you really will just be accepting scraps and even you can’t be content with that.”

It was a challenge as plain as any and Viktor had never been one to turn down a challenge.

“Call him and if he comes, fuck him like it’s your last night on earth. So that he can’t think of anything but you. Maybe then he’ll stick around for a little while longer.”

“I thought you were supposed to be warning me to stay away,” Viktor joked but the words fell flat and Chris didn’t laugh.

“I am,” Chris told him, voice serious. “My best advice Viktor is end this now. But I know you aren’t going to listen and I can’t stop you. I can only say I told you so when this inevitably hurts you and falls apart. But if you insist on doing it then you might as well get something in return. And there are a lot of people in the world who would kill to have Yuuri Katsuki come to their bed when they call. If you have that, at least you have something.”

“Well, that and what I assume must be some truly spectacular sex if it’s making you this pathetic over him,” Chris added in a more light-hearted tone, turning away and walking back over to the door. Pulling it open, he led the way back into the corridor and Viktor followed. “Maybe he should put that on his résumé. Yuuri Katsuki. Japan’s Ace. Multiple gold medal winner. A good enough lay to bring Viktor Nikiforov to his knees.”

“You know it’s not like that.” Viktor pointed out as they walked and Chris looked at him, his expression was back to pitying.

“I know.” he replied. “I know it’s more than that for you, stupid as that may be. But I wish for your sake that it wasn’t.”

With Chris’ words still ringing in his mind, Viktor hardly took notice of the skating the next day. To the elation of some and the horror of others, Yuuri took home the gold again, narrowly scraping past Viktor by less than a point with a routine that had left him almost collapsed on the ice after putting everything he had into his skating.

Viktor watched as Yuuri was tackled into a hug after his skate by his friend, who had been waiting on the side-lines. After they broke apart, his coach gave him an encouraging pat on the back, smiling all the while. Yuuri was beaming as they did so and Viktor could understand why. After his dismal performance at the World Championships the last year due to his injury, his rankings had been severely affected. This World Championships, Yuuri had had a lot to prove and prove it he had.

After the medal ceremony was over Viktor retreated back to his room, still thinking over Chris’ words.

After his and Yuuri’s last time together, he had decided to continue no matter the consequences but to give up on expecting anything more. His heart was too far gone to stay away for good but lowering his expectations was the only way to protect himself from more heartbreak. He had made his bed and now he would have to lie in it. Preferably with Yuuri in there with him.

But Chris’ words kept haunting him and while he had been confident in the spur of the moment, now he wasn’t so sure. Every other time they had been together it had been Yuuri calling the shots, taking what he wanted and leaving when he was done. Would he really come at Viktor’s request instead?

And what’s more, Chris’ advice refused to leave him, the advice he had given mockingly but that was serious all the same.

‘If he comes, fuck him like it’s your last night on earth. So that he can’t think of anything but you. Maybe then he’ll stick around  for a little while longer.’

Chris had been right when he had said that Yuuri wouldn’t stay forever. If there was nothing but sex between them then Yuuri would eventually get bored and leave. Maybe now, maybe years and years down the line but it was the inevitable end. Something so fragile and so tentative could never last for good. But Viktor wanted to hold on to it for as long as he was able to all the same.

So he wanted to make Yuuri stay for as long as he could. And he wanted to make Yuuri think of him and him alone, to look at him and see Viktor and no-one else. To think about nothing else.

It wasn’t like he was particularly special to Yuuri. Yuuri had sought him out for a specific kind of fun and surely would look for the same in others when he and Viktor were apart again. There was no obligation and exclusivity binding them together and Yuuri had already proven that a good time with no strings attached was something that he enjoyed and sought out. Viktor couldn’t begrudge him for that. He had agreed to Yuuri’s terms and he didn’t regret it.

But the thought of Yuuri with anyone else, unfair though it may be, made Viktor gut twist and bitter jealousy rise like bile in the back of his throat. He wanted Yuuri to be his, and his alone. Didn’t want anyone else to kiss him the way that Viktor did, to touch him the way that Viktor did, to love him the way that Viktor did.

Yuuri certainly had others and one day would certainly leave. Those were truths that he had to accept and harden his heart to if he wanted to keep it from breaking. But that didn’t mean that he couldn’t try and change it, or at least delay it for as long as he could.

‘If he comes, fuck him like it’s your last night on earth. So that he can’t think of anything but you. Maybe then he’ll stick around for a little while longer.’

If he was going to be with Yuuri then he was going to be the best that Yuuri had ever had. No more of Yuuri turning away from him when he came, no more being an anonymous body. Viktor Nikiforov didn’t do second best after all. If sex was all that they were ever going to have then he would make sure that Yuuri never forgot it. Make sure that Yuuri would keep coming back for more. And make it so that even if Yuuri was with someone else, the only person he would be able to think of was Viktor.

Of course, that was on the assumption that Yuuri actually came when he called.

In his room Viktor paced up and down, thinking it over. Pulling out his phone he almost hit the call button before realising that he would have no idea what to say. And calling was far too formal anyway. This was casual between them now and there was no point in trying to pretend otherwise.

Instead he opened up a text and wrote the beginning of a message before deleting it quickly. He tried again and then again but ended up erasing both of them too. Everything he wrote sounded like begging or like a plea for more and that wasn’t what he wanted at all. But he needed to know that Yuuri would come. And their time together was already so short. He needed Yuuri now because Chris was right, this wouldn’t last forever and he had no idea how much time he had left.

In the end he settled for a simple text, just his floor and his room number. Yuuri would know exactly what he meant after all.

Unlike the text from before, this time there was no immediate response. After staring at his phone for a minute Viktor tossed it aside, watching as it landed with a thump onto the chair in the corner of the room. Either Yuuri would text back or he wouldn’t. And Viktor would have to deal the consequences of whichever happened when it happened but there was no point worrying about it now.

Waiting was the hardest part. Minutes passed and his phone stayed silent. Not a whisper of contact from Yuuri at all. For a while Viktor tried sitting on the bed, trying to distract himself with his thoughts but when that failed to divert his attention he gave up, pacing up and down the room instead.

Maybe he never should have sent the text at all. What was the likelihood that Yuuri would even show up? The day before he had deliberately looked away for Viktor and he hadn’t tried to get in contact with Viktor at all. Maybe Yuuri had already grown bored. Maybe he had found someone else to spend the night with instead. Maybe…

There was a sharp knock at the door and Viktor’s head snapped around. The sound seemed to echo around the room and he stared at the blank wood for a second before hurrying the last few steps between himself and the door and pulling it open.

Yuuri was standing outside. His hair was slicked back in the style he wore for skating and his glasses were gone but he looked much softer than he did out on the ice. The clothes he was wearing were loose and looked well-worn and he was looking at Viktor with eyes that were strangely vulnerable.

Automatically Viktor stepped aside, allowing Yuuri to enter. While he did so he tried to choke out words, anything to break the silence but suddenly he couldn’t think of what to say. For a while he had believed that Yuuri wouldn’t come and yet here he was. Barely minutes after Viktor had asked him to.

Sliding out of his jacket, Yuuri hung it on the chair by the window where Viktor had discarded his phone before turning back around to look at Viktor himself. He looked a little nervous and he was silent, as though waiting for Viktor to speak.

“You came,” Viktor said, although that much was obvious. Yuuri had come because he had asked. Yuuri had come for him.

“Yes,” Yuuri replied Viktor couldn’t help himself because it had been so long and the desire to touch Yuuri again was overwhelming. Especially because Yuuri was here at Viktor’s request. And because Yuuri would be expecting one thing from this whole encounter and Viktor was happy to provide because that was what would make Yuuri keep coming back. That was what would make Yuuri stay.

Crossing the space between them in a few quick strides he caught Yuuri in his arms, one hand on the back of his head and the other slipping around his waist, pulling him into a deep kiss. Catching Yuuri’s lower lip with his teeth, kissing him hard and deep the way he knew that Yuuri wanted it. Putting everything he had into that one action because it mattered now more than it ever had before.

Distantly he realised that he was holding Yuuri far too tightly. Gripping him with his hands digging deeply into Yuuri’s skin because he knew how short their time together would be and he wanted to keep Yuuri with him for as long as possible.

Yuuri melted into the kiss, letting Viktor take control and relaxing into his arms. Suddenly Viktor remembered how nervous he had looked before and he pulled away, wanting to make sure.

“Do you want this Yuuri?” he asked. Yuuri had come to him, surely he did but he still needed to hear the words from Yuuri’s own mouth. That he wanted Viktor. Not just when it was convenient for him but all the time. So that he would come when Viktor asked too. “Tell me you do.”

For a few seconds Yuuri merely blinked at him, eyes hazy but then he choked out a ‘yes’ and that was all that Viktor needed. Pulling Yuuri in, he kissed him again and Yuuri sighed into the kiss, reaching up to wrap his arms around Viktor’s shoulders and pull them closer together as he gave himself over completely.

It was incredible, just how much Viktor wanted Yuuri and how easy it was to get lost in that feeling. Kissing Yuuri was intoxicating and he was drunk off it already and already needed more.

Tugging at Yuuri’s shirt he tried to convey what he wanted. What he needed. Yuuri obeyed instantly, lifting his arms up over his head and allowing Viktor to pull his shirt off with ease. Running his fingers across Yuuri’s chest, Viktor felt the other man shiver a little at the touch before gripping the hem of Viktor’s own shirt.

Viktor allowed him to pull it off and then drew Yuuri back into kissing instantly. They always had so little time and now that he knew that they would never have anything more, that their time together would always be limited to encounters like this, every second was all the more precious.

Yuuri was responding to his every kiss, running his fingers across Viktor’s exposed skin and relaxing into the feeling, allowing Viktor to take control. It was exactly what Viktor wanted. His thoughts from before had riled him up and now he needed more, needed everything that Yuuri would give him. To take him and mark him and maybe he couldn’t keep Yuuri forever but he could keep Yuuri for now and make Yuuri remember him long after Yuuri left him again.

His fingers found their way into the waistband of Yuuri’s loose trousers and Yuuri shook the rest of his clothes off eagerly, stepping back for a brief few seconds to allow Viktor to do the same before kissing him again.

Wanting to make this go faster, to have all of Yuuri now because he didn’t want to wait any longer, Viktor backed Yuuri towards the bed. Not breaking the kiss except to guide Yuuri down onto the mattress and climb up over him. Hovering above him to look down at Yuuri and watch the way his eyes never once strayed from Viktor.

Leaning down again he caught Yuuri’s mouth in another hungry kiss, hands bracketing the sides of Yuuri’s head, caging him in. Yuuri responded, sliding his hands slowly up Viktor’s shoulders before gripping tightly and pulling him closer.

From what he could see, Yuuri was already hard and Viktor didn’t hesitate before ghosting his hand down the skin of Yuuri’s stomach to grasp at his cock, giving it a few short strokes. If he wanted Yuuri to come to him, to remember him even when they were apart, then he had to take Yuuri apart until he was a panting, shivering mess and he couldn’t think of anything but Viktor’s touch alone.

At the feeling of Viktor’s hand on his cock Yuuri moaned, digging his heels into the mattress and throwing his head back, exposing the smooth, unmarked skin of his throat. His fingers dug bruises into Viktor skin and Viktor kept moving, dragging more moans out of him until Yuuri’s breath was heaving in his chest and he was chasing Viktor’s kisses as he bucked into Viktor’s hand.

Yuuri looked overwhelmed and already beautifully wrecked, his eyes blown wide and dark. It took an immense effort to drag himself away but Viktor did, leaving Yuuri lying sprawled out and panting on the bed as he rolled off him to grab what he needed from the bedside drawer.

Yuuri might have been satisfied with something quick out of necessity last time but from experience, Viktor knew that he enjoyed and wanted much more than that. And he wanted to brand Yuuri, to make him feel it and remember it and be the one that Yuuri thought of above everyone else.

Yuuri made a needy sound as Viktor pulled off him and he returned as quickly as he could, kissing the noise away as he used his free hand to pin one of Yuuri’s own to the bed. With the other he fumbled for the bottle he had pulled from the bedside drawer and flipped it open, squeezing some of the liquid onto his fingers before bringing them up to trail lightly up the skin of Yuuri’s inner thigh.

“Yes?” he asked, because there was heat burning through every part of his body and a need that was a combination of lust and so much more and speaking was proving to be a challenge.

“Yes,” Yuuri gasped, his fingernails biting into Viktor’s back as he urged him on and Viktor didn’t waste another second. Pushing one finger in, Viktor brought his other hand back to Yuuri’s cock, working both hands together and watching as Yuuri’s eyelids fluttered as he was overwhelmed by the dual sensation.

When Viktor added another finger Yuuri’s hands dropped from his shoulders, instead reaching to clutch at the sheets beside him as he arched up off the bed. Leaning down Viktor pressed a light kiss to his collarbone before working his way up Yuuri’s neck. Mouthing at the skin there as Yuuri rocked into him, savouring the feeling of having him again.

Yuuri was being unusually submissive, giving complete control over to Viktor and Viktor wondered briefly what had brought about the change. Usually Yuuri was more demanding, more in control and Viktor loved that too but for now this was what he needed. And Yuuri was giving it to him willingly and without hesitation and that was erotic in itself, even if he didn’t have Yuuri’s moans and gasps of pleasure and the taste of Yuuri’s skin under his lips to fuel his desire.

Slowly, Viktor added more fingers until he was sure that Yuuri was ready and then pulled back, losing all contact with Yuuri’s skin and looking down at him with a hundred different emotions at once clawing in his chest. Yuuri stared back up at him, face flushed and mouth open and panting. Eyes wide and filled with an emotion that Viktor would have called a type of love, had he not known any better. Sweat beading on his skin and looking like the worst kind of temptation.

Laid out on the bed and falling apart before his very eyes, Yuuri like this was everything that Viktor wished for and nothing that he wanted. Beautiful and his but only for a moment. So close but never close enough. A sip that did nothing to quench his thirst, instead only making the burn in his throat all the more painful.

Looking into Yuuri’s eyes, it was harder than ever to remember why he needed to keep his heart guarded. Why he needed to focus on lust and desire and need and not on the softer emotions that were rising in his chest. This was all that he was ever going to have, he had chosen that over nothing and there was no going back now. But looking at Yuuri it was so easy to open his heart again and let Yuuri do with it what he would.

Instead of blurting out something incredibly stupid that would inevitably cause Yuuri to leave again, he grabbed Yuuri by the sides and flipped him over so that he was face down on the bed. It was easier like this, to pretend that Yuuri’s body was all that he wanted when he could no longer see Yuuri’s face.

“Ok?” he asked and Yuuri nodded a little dazedly, pushing himself up to his knees with his elbows braced on the mattress. Tearing open the condom wrapper, Viktor slid it on and then ran his hands across Yuuri’s shoulders, making sure that there was no tension in his frame. When he found none, Yuuri pliant and relaxed beneath him, he slid his hands down Yuuri’s sides to rest on his hips, pulling them both flush together.

Yuuri rocked back into the contact and Viktor didn’t wait any longer, pressing in slowly and feeling Yuuri’s body shudder and buckle beneath him. Pressing his forehead into the mattress, Yuuri gripped the sheets tightly and gasped in pleasure as Viktor lifted his hips a little, which allowed him to slid even deeper.

It felt so good but Viktor forced himself to hold back, feeling how Yuuri clenched around him as he adjusted to the sensation. Rocking slightly, he moved just enough to keep Yuuri hard and aching but not enough to overwhelm him, allowing him to adjust.

Digging his fingers into the mattress, Yuuri rolled his hips back, wordlessly encouraging Viktor to move. Not wanting to wait now that he knew that Yuuri was ready, Viktor pulled almost fully out before driving back into Yuuri again, hard and fast and making Yuuri’s body rock with the force as they both voiced their pleasure out loud.

Yuuri rolled his hips back again and Viktor picked up the pace, fucking into Yuuri deeply and watching as Yuuri’s body responded. Back arching and flexing with each thrust, muscles tensing and relaxing and hands grasping for purchase on the sheets as he tried to keep himself grounded. The change in position had been a good idea. It was much easier to focus on the physical, the sight and the sensation and the sound of Yuuri, rather than anything else.

Lightly, Viktor moved his hands up from Yuuri’s hips to run them up and down his sides in a soothing gesture before reaching round to take Yuuri’s cock in his hand. Jerking it in time with the movement of his hips and feeling Yuuri’s body react.

It was exactly what Viktor had wanted. Yuuri falling apart under him, completely focused on the pleasure that Viktor was bringing him and nothing else. It was good for him, Viktor could see that. More than good. Enough that he wouldn’t think to seek out anyone else at competitions when Viktor was on offer in their place. Enough that even when they were apart, if he looked for pleasure in anyone else, Viktor would be the one that he thought of.

Viktor might not be anything else to Yuuri. But he could be the best that Yuuri had ever had and that would count for something at least.

Yuuri’s body flexed again, his spine dipping in the middle as he rocked back into Viktor’s thrusts and Viktor was suddenly reminded of Yuuri out on the ice that day. How he had moved, how he had used his body to capture the attention of everyone in the room and his soul to hold it.

His performance had been beautiful and he had been more so. And not a single person in the room had been able to look away from him.

Leaning down, he kissed the skin of Yuuri’s neck, the gentle contact somehow feeling even better than the place where their bodies were joined.  When Yuuri gasped a little beneath him he followed it with a trail of kisses, worshiping the arch of Yuuri’s neck and the curve of his spine as he drove Yuuri closer and closer to the edge.

“Out on the ice today,” he breathed in between kisses, before he could stop himself. “You were stunning. The audience love you.”

“You give yourself so freely to them,” Viktor continued. “To everybody.”

Yuuri bared his soul out on the ice, just like Viktor did. He poured his heart into his skating, cut himself open and spilled his emotions out like blood. It was what made him such an incredible skater, what allowed him to take the gold from Viktor when no-one else could.

But that was something that he gave to everyone, free for the world to take. There was nothing that Viktor could claim from Yuuri as his own, no matter how much he might wish it were otherwise. Nothing but one thing.

“But you came,” Viktor continued, still kissing a trail down Yuuri’s spine. “When I asked, you came.” 

He placed one last kiss to the dip of Yuuri’s spine and pulled back, looking at Yuuri in his entirety again.

“I don’t have anything else.” he whispered and it sounded like a confession, whispered into the quiet of the room. “But I have this.”

He had Yuuri like this. He had Yuuri’s lust, his desire. He had Yuuri here and now, kneeling under him and for a single moment entirely Viktor’s. He had something and he would cling onto that something like his life depended on it until it was finally ripped away.

Yuuri didn’t say anything in response, just sighed in pleasure again as Viktor changed his angle and set another shudder running through his body. The wave of pleasure washed over Viktor too and he knew that he was close. It didn’t take much longer before he was coming, driving into Yuuri one last time and biting down on Yuuri’s shoulder as he did so, marking him.

‘You’re mine,’ he wanted to say, although he restrained himself. ‘Not forever, but for now. You’re mine.’

He couldn’t tie Yuuri to him for good. Couldn’t stop Yuuri from leaving, or choosing others when Viktor wanted to be the only one. But he could put his mark on Yuuri, a reminder to them both that this was real. That there was more between them than just the cold glares and hatred that the rest of the world still believed was the extent of their relationship. That Yuuri would come to Viktor when Viktor asked and would keep coming, at least for now.

It was only a few seconds after, when he was still coming down from the high, that he realised that Yuuri was still hard beneath him. Shame flooded through him suddenly and he reached up to grasp Yuuri’s cock again. Stroking it gently, coaxing him to the edge. Kissing his neck in silent apology for finding his own pleasure sooner than Yuuri found his and watching as Yuuri went boneless beneath him. Choking out a hitched off little gasp as he came, spilling into Viktor’s hand and shuddering his way through the aftershocks as Viktor worked him through it, only letting go when Yuuri was entirely spent.

When it was finally over, Yuuri slumped down into the bed, looking exhausted. Viktor pulled out of him and sat back onto his heels, wiping his hand on the sheets before pulling off the condom and tying it off, tossing it aside to where the bin was standing in the corner of the room.

Turning back to Yuuri, he saw how the other man was lying. Blissed out and content. Lying draped across the middle of the mattress as his breathing became deep and relaxed. Perfectly sated.

Viktor couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Lowering himself down, he stretched out on the bed next to Yuuri, feeling himself sink into the mattress and enjoying the feeling of the warm body lying next to him.

He had barely lain down however, before Yuuri tensed beside him. Jolting away, Yuuri began to sit up and Viktor reached out to catch his arm before he could stop himself. Before this had even begun he had known that Yuuri would want to leave as soon as they were finished but he didn’t want him to go. The moment before was so peaceful and he wanted to hold onto it a little while longer. Hold onto Yuuri a little while longer.

“Stay,” he said, sitting up too so that their faces were level, his hand still on Yuuri’s arm. “Please.”

His voice cracked on the words and even to his own ears, he heard how desperate they sounded. But he couldn’t help it. He had thought that he could harden his heart, to see it as just easy pleasure to protect himself but he still couldn’t bear the thought of Yuuri leaving. The memory of the night that Yuuri has spent in his arms still haunted him and he would give anything to have that feeling back again.

“Ok,” Yuuri said and he sounded almost…relieved? Certainly not the dismissal or the reluctance that Viktor had been expecting but breathed out in the silence like a prayer of thanks. “I’ll stay.”

Not daring to move in case it was all a dream, Viktor stayed completely still as Yuuri began to lay back down again, sliding across the bed a little to give Viktor more room. Then Viktor moved again, shuffling fractionally closer and lying back down with Yuuri, just a few centimetres of space between them.

He still hadn’t let go of Yuuri’s arm but Yuuri made no move to shake him off. Instead his eyes simply flickered down to the place where they touched and then back up to Viktor’s face again, his expression open and content.

Yuuri’s body relaxed and he curled up slightly, still facing Viktor with his head resting on one of the pillows and his legs drawn slightly towards his chest. Now that they were finished, the room began to feel slightly cool on his bare skin and Viktor reached down with his free hand to draw the bedcovers that had been tossed aside earlier over them both.

As he did so, Yuuri snuggled down into the warmth and he looked so peaceful that Viktor felt his heart catch in his throat. It was so ridiculous because every time before it had been Yuuri’s choice to leave and yet now, somehow, he looked so happy to stay.

They remained like that, facing opposite each other in the darkness of the room as Yuuri’s eyelids began to flutter closed. There was still a few centimetres of space between them but Viktor could feel Yuuri’s body heat all the same, radiating across the distance and warming the little cocoon he had made for them both underneath the sheets.

As he watched, Yuuri drifted further and further into sleep until finally his eyes closed for good. There was a crack in the curtains casting moonlight into the room and it fell in a stripe across the bed. Lighting up Yuuri’s face and making him look ethereal as he slept.

For a long time, Viktor watched him. Savouring the moment. But eventually, tiredness overtook him too and he drifted off into light sleep, still relishing on the warmth of Yuuri’s body lying next to his and the light touch of his hand on Yuuri’s arm that Yuuri had never once seemed to want to break.

A warm body pressed close to his own was what woke him again. From his own body clock he could tell that several hours had passed but it was still night-time, the room dark and quiet. Blinking slowly into awareness it took him several long seconds to register what had woke him but when he did he jolted awake. The sudden movement shifted them both and Yuuri grumbled in his sleep a little, dislodged from where he had been lying curled up next to Viktor, head resting pressed against his chest.

Shifting in his sleep, Yuuri rolled over, turning away from Viktor but still pressed close so that his back was touching the bare skin of Viktor’s torso. He must have moved in the night, Viktor realised. The few centimetres of space between them were gone and Yuuri was now lying as close as he could while still sleeping on.

Reaching out, Viktor ran one finger across the smooth skin of Yuuri’s shoulder and watched as he shivered a little at the light touch, still fast asleep.

There was no question that he ever would have been able to give this up. Having Yuuri with him, like this, was better than any other vice in the world. Curled up and sleeping peaceful next to him. Quiet and intimate and perfect in the moment.

The light touch moved from Yuuri’s shoulder, Viktor’s finger trailing down to run lightly across his back, enjoying the feeling of Yuuri’s body beneath his hand. The touches trailed across his skin aimlessly but eventually they began to form a pattern, almost subconsciously. As soon as he realised what it was, Viktor almost laughed.

Without even thinking about it, he had begun to trace a skating routine onto Yuuri’s back. Not just any routine but his own one, one that he had watched Yuuri skating in an empty ice rink, what seemed like so long ago. The swirling and twisting patterns danced across Yuuri’s skin as he slept and Viktor continued, lost in the memory.

Eventually the routine came to a close and he began it again, this time humming along lightly to the glide of his fingers and the invisible Yuuri dancing in his mind. Not the same song he had skated to for the routine he was tracing but a different one. Something old, a tune that Yakov used to hum when he was feeling particularly maudlin and usually after he had had a few drinks.

The tune had words and Viktor began to sing them softly as he continued his finger’s movements. The song was fitting, painfully so, the lyrics hitting far too close to home. Finally he understood why Yakov has always sounded so sad when he had hummed it before.

For a long time Viktor lay there, crooning softly in Russian to Yuuri as he traced patterns into his back. The song, the routine, everything always came back to Yuuri. Every road leading Viktor to the same destination and there was no point even pretending that he could resist it anymore.

Yuuri shifted a little and he huffed out a sigh of contentment, still fast asleep. Sliding backwards slightly so that he was pressed even closer. Finally, the song came to a close and Viktor let his hands drop away. Lying back down he rested his head back on the pillow, right behind the curve of Yuuri’s neck. Their upper bodies were still pressed together, Yuuri’s back a warm weight against his own chest as they lay there.

If there was anything that he was going to keep from their time together, Viktor thought, any memory that he was going to hold on to when Yuuri eventually left and everything else fell away, it would be this. This moment. That was what he would hold on to, even when everything else was gone.

When Viktor awoke again it was to the sounds of birds chirruping outside his window. He had always been an early riser and today was no exception. Although this time, he was incredibly reluctant to leave the bed.

Sometime during the night he must have fallen asleep again because when he awoke, one of his arms was slung around Yuuri’s waist, keeping him close. Yuuri was still fast asleep, breathing even and with a great deal of effort, Viktor pulled himself away. When they had first drifted into sleep there had been space between them. Waking up to Viktor holding him close might not be something Yuuri would appreciate and so Viktor let him go, sliding out of bed and stretching, feeling his back crack as he did so.

Briefly, he considered waking Yuuri but quickly decided against it. The competition was still technically ongoing and they both still had official duties as medallist to attend to today. Duties that would inevitably cause them to part, and soon. But it was still early and the matters weren’t urgent quite yet. Better to let Yuuri sleep a little while longer.

Slipping into the adjacent bathroom, Viktor showered and got ready as quietly as he could, tiptoeing out when he was finished to pull on some clothes. Glancing over to the mirror he arranged his hair and straightened out his shirt, trying to make himself look presentable for the day. Unlike before, Yuuri had left no marks on him this time and so there was nothing to hide.

Glancing back over to where the other man was still sleeping, he took in the imprint of the bitemark on Yuuri’s shoulder, still red and fresh even in the morning light. Feeling a little guilty, Viktor wondered if he should apologise. It had been something he had done in the heat of the moment and even though he didn’t regret it for a second, he hoped that Yuuri didn’t mind. Although from the sound he had made last night, he had seemed to enjoy it.

After he was finally ready, Viktor searched around for his phone before finally spotting it lying on the chair by the window. There were a few notifications on the screen, some from various social media pages and a couple of texts from Yakov and Chris. Nothing that he needed to deal with immediately.

He was about to turn away before he caught sight of what else was sitting on the chair. Yuuri’s skating jacket was draped over the arm, where the other skater had left it the night before. The material was rumpled, apart from the colour it was barely distinguishable from a normal jacket but Viktor couldn’t stop looking at it all the same. It was proof, tangible proof that Yuuri was here. That he had come. That the figure sleeping in Viktor’s bed was more than just a mirage.

The sunlight was streaming through the windows, illuminating the whole room with a soft, golden glow and Viktor had an idea. Quickly he arranged the jacket so that none of the identifiable parts were on show. Then he snapped a quick picture out of the window at the pretty morning view, making sure that the chair and the jacket were still visible in the corner of the picture.

After he had done it he checked the picture over quickly, making sure that there was nothing he had missed. No way that anyone could conclusively prove what the jacket was or who it belonged to. Then he opened up Instagram, typed up a hasty and misleading caption and hit ‘upload’.

Yuuri had demanded that they keep this a secret and Viktor had agreed to that. And he would. He would never break Yuuri’s trust by revealing the truth when Yuuri so clearly wanted to keep it hidden.

But it was killing him slowly, that he would never be able to tell the world just what Yuuri meant to him. That no-one would ever know that for a brief moment, Yuuri had been here. Yuuri had been his.

But he needed to remember. Needed proof to keep with him after Yuuri was gone so that he could hold onto the memory as a memory and not a fantasy his mind had dreamed up.

No-one would ever be able to prove what was in the photo. Some might speculate but they would be easily shot down because it was far too vague, with no real proof behind it at all. But Viktor would know. Viktor could look at the picture and know what it meant, remember today and everything that had come the night before.

‘Beautiful view’ had been part of his caption on the picture but he wasn’t talking about the view from the hotel room window. Glancing over to the bed again he looked at Yuuri, the sheets covering the lower half of his body and his face soft and relaxed, hair mussed a little from sleep. That wasn’t a picture he could capture, not with Yuuri fast asleep and unaware, but the jacket was the second best thing. A reminder and one that he had posted for the world to see because they might never know but he would.

As he watched, Yuuri rolled over, stretching a little and then blinking as his eyes slowly opened. Yawning, he rubbed one hand across his eyes as he sat up, the sheets pooling around his waist as he did so. His hair was even more of a mess now that he was upright and Viktor had the sudden urge to run his hands through it to smooth it down, just like he had once before.

With his eyes half shut, Yuuri still looked partly asleep but eventually he noticed where Viktor was standing, over by the window with his phone in his hand. Squinting a little, Yuuri peered at him and Viktor realised belatedly that Yuuri wasn’t wearing his glasses.

“Hi,” Viktor said in greeting, trying to sound as casual as possible and not reveal how fast his heart was racing at the sight.

Yuuri straightened back up, running his hand over his eyes one more time to clear them and then looking back at Viktor, the sunlight illuminating his skin and the shine of his hair. For a second he looked worried as he stared at Viktor but eventually, whatever he saw there made him relax again.

“Hi,” Yuuri replied, and smiled.  

Chapter Text

After their last night together, everything changed. And yet at the same time, nothing did at all. Viktor’s life was still as it always had been, skating and training and skating and coming home to Makkachin in the evening only to do it all over again the next day. But unlike the year previously, now he made no attempt to banish Yuuri from his mind, nor from his routines.

The time they had spent during the morning they had woken up together had been brief. Official duties had drawn both of them away, much to Viktor’s displeasure, but it had been so different to any other parting that they had shared before. Comfortable and easy and with the unspoken acknowledgement that they would surely see each other again. It made the warmth in Viktor’s chest burn a little brighter every time he thought about it.

Yuuri had stayed with him. Not reluctantly but willingly, happily even. Had cuddled close during the night and smiled at him in the morning and parted with a wave and a goodbye with his hair still mussed a little from sleep and his eyes full of nothing but warmth. Viktor might still be resigned to having so much less than what he truly wanted but what Yuuri gave him was so much more than he had ever expected and he treasured it.

The happiness he had been feeling since then bled over into his life and into his skating. After an underwhelming performance the season previously, he had a lot to make up for in the next competition and with the spark of inspiration returned to him he took full advantage of it. While his routines the last year might have been excellent and earned him two silvers, not a feat most skaters would turn their noses up at, he was expected to do better. He could do better. Could and would, with the memory of Yuuri that day to drive him on.

Over the summer he worked hard, designing and perfecting two new routines. Something new and different to surprise the audiences but with the core of his emotions still remaining the same, allowing him to connect with them in the way that he had failed to do the year previously.

When the Grand Prix series rolled around again he shot through the qualifying competitions with ease. His assignments took him away from Russia, with his final results landing him easily at the top of the score board with a guaranteed place in the final. As soon as that was secured, he returned home to St Petersburg to continue to practice. Skating in the qualifiers was easy and required hardly any effort at all. Skating in the final was the real challenge. Skating in the final was where he would meet Yuuri again. And he would have to be ready for that, both in his skating and in all other things.

Back in St Petersburg, Yakov was working hard to prepare all the skaters for the competitions to come. Little Yuri was already furiously demanding to make his senior debut the next year and was viciously determined to win every gold in the juniors before he did so. Mila was aiming for the podium again this year, playfully insisting that she had to at least beat her favourite Italian skater before she could be satisfied with her season. And Georgi was working harder than ever, determined to win as many medals as he could with the time that he had left.

Yakov seemed to be focusing particularly hard on Georgi’s routines that year and when Viktor questioned him curiously about it he sighed and shot Viktor a look that was part frown and part exasperation.

“Georgi is the same age as you Vitya,” he pointed out, as though Viktor might have forgotten. “And unlike you, he is actually thinking about how someday soon he might have to retire. He doesn’t have the kind of luxury you do. He’s lived in your shadow all his life. Winning as many medals as he can before he leaves is important for him.”

Despite his words however, Yakov had been focusing just as much attention on Viktor’s skating as Georgi’s. Viktor might not have taken his two silver medals the season before too hard but Yakov certainly had.  It seemed that he was almost more determined than Viktor to see him at the top of the podium again and he drilled Viktor mercilessly until every part of his routine was pristine and perfect, even after he qualified for the final.

Viktor hardly minded, he paid attention to Yakov when he wanted and went his own way when he didn’t just as he always had.

One thing he decided not to argue about however was Yakov’s insistence that Viktor join he and Georgi and a few of the other skaters in Moscow for the Rostelecom Cup. It wasn’t unheard of for Yakov to take other skaters who had already qualified along to competitions but it was unusual. When he questioned his coach, Yakov brushed the questions aside with a gruff answer and a tone that warranted no disagreements.

“Georgi needs my help but so do you. You allowed Katsuki to knock you off the podium twice in a row and I won’t have it happen a second time. So you’re coming to Moscow where I can keep an eye on you. If you don’t like it, feel free to find another coach.”

Deciding it was best not to argue, Viktor agreed. Half his life was spent in anonymous hotel rooms as it was and it hardly bothered him where he trained anymore. And he had an apartment in Moscow after all so it was no hardship to go. If Yakov wanted to keep him in sight to make sure his training never slipped and that there would be no way he could lose the gold this season, then he might as well play along with it.

The temporary rink in Moscow was nice, although not as nice or as grand in the one in St Petersburg, and Viktor knew it fairly well. The city was familiar too, he spent enough time there on official business to be familiar with many of its twists and turns, although his heart would always belong to St Petersburg. They arrived more than a week before the cup was due to take place and Yakov sent them all back to training immediately.

Just like in St Petersburg, Viktor’s daily routine hardly changed with the move between cities. Every free hour he had he spent at the rink, working and reworking his programs over and over again and training well into the evening, even after every other skater had gone home. Yakov worked late too, either on the rinkside or in his office and by the end of the day they were usually the only two left in the building.

There was nothing unusual about the night that it happened. The weather had worsened in the city and Yakov had sent most of the skaters home early but Viktor had stayed, insisting that since he lived so close there was no point in him leaving, since getting home would be no trouble. Yakov was working late again as well and it was dark by the time the light in his office finally switched off and he emerged, Viktor still out on the ice.

“Go home,” Yakov insisted, looking at Viktor disapprovingly as he ran through his step sequence for what felt like the thousandth time that day. “It’s late Vitya.”

Reluctantly, Viktor stepped off the ice, pulling off his skates and getting ready to leave. A few meters away, Yakov was packing up the last of his things, preparing to leave the rink for the night as well. With no-one else there the room was full of echoes, almost eerie, and Viktor heard immediately the sound of Yakov’s phone when it unexpectedly began ringing in his pocket.

With an irritated huff, Yakov pulled the device out and answered the call with a short greeting while Viktor idly wondered who was calling so late. But after just a few brief seconds he was stopped by the unexpected sounds of English filling the air as Yakov abruptly switched languages.

“Coach Cialdini,” Yakov greeted and Viktor’s ears pricked up at the name. Tilting his head slightly towards the direction of the conversation he tried to listen in as surreptitiously as he could, not wanting his coach to pick up on his sudden eavesdropping.

“Well, that’s unfortunate,” he heard Yakov say down the phone before listing off a series of words that Viktor recognised after a second as hotel names in the local area.

“Anything else may be too far out,” Yakov added, before finishing with a quick, “I wish him luck Coach Cialdini.”

With that, he ended the call after a quick goodbye before looking up to spot Viktor watching him curiously.

“That was Katsuki’s coach,” he explained, clearly assuming from Viktor’s expression that he had heard the whole conversation on Yakov’s end. “Apparently there’s been a problem with Katsuki’s hotel room and he’s searching for a new place to stay. Celestino needed advice as to which hotels might be able to accommodate him for the night.”

“Is he alright?” Viktor blurted out without thinking. Yakov frowned a little at him but chose not to comment on the outburst.

“I’m sure he will be. He’s a competent skater at least and he won’t miss his chance at qualifying for the final over a hotel room. He’ll find somewhere.”

Turning away, he picked up his briefcase and headed for the exit, Viktor following behind him. At the entrance to the building they went their separate ways, each getting into their respective cars with a nod and setting off on their respective journeys home.

Due to his habit of staying late, Viktor had driven to the training rink but in reality it was within walking distance and it was barely a few minutes before he parked his car again and made his way up to his apartment. Makkachin greeted him excitedly at the door and he bent down to pet him affectionally. They had seen each other during his lunch break, when he had come home to walk Makkachin, but his beloved dog was always excited to see him when he returned all the same. It was one of the things that made the empty silences and spaces of his apartment more bearable.   

As soon as he was fully inside, he took of his outer clothes and shoes before digging his phone out of his pocket and unlocking it quickly. Yakov might have been sure that Yuuri would be fine but if Yuuri’s coach was calling around then Viktor wouldn’t be satisfied until he heard it from Yuuri’s own mouth.

The phone rang several times, the tone buzzing loudly in the quiet of the apartment as he waited. Viktor almost believed that Yuuri wasn’t going to answer but the tone was finally cut off with a click and the call connected. From the other end of the line Viktor could hear heavy breathing, a little hitched and fast but no immediate response.

“Yuuri?” he asked, wondering if he had called the right number.

“Viktor?”

The reply came almost instantly but the voice was almost unfamiliar. Thick and muffled with a slight crack in it that made Viktor’s throat tighten as he heard it. From the tone of his voice, it sounded like Yuuri had been crying. The sound tugged painfully on Viktor’s heart and he realised that whatever had gone wrong with Yuuri’s travel arrangements, it must have been far worse than Yakov had believed or made it out to be.

Deciding not to mention Yuuri’s obviously emotional state down the phone, Viktor instead cut straight to the important question, hoping that Yuuri would trust him enough with an honest answer.

“Yuuri, Celestino just called Yakov asking about hotels in Moscow. Do you not have anywhere to stay?”

“I…” Yuuri’s voice cracked a little again and he swallowed before continuing, voice stronger now and sounding a little more like himself. “There was a problem with my hotel room. The weather, it…” he trailed off and Viktor hummed in acknowledgement, eyes flickering to the window where the snow was lying thick on the ground. There had been concern around the rink that the Cup would be delayed due to transportation problems if the weather didn’t clear up and he wouldn’t be surprised if the planes had already stopped flying.

“I can’t find anywhere else to stay,” Yuuri finished, ending with a sigh. He sounded exhausted over the phone, the long hours of travel clearly affecting him. It was late in Russian time already but Viktor was sure that Yuuri would be feeling far worse, with his body already out of sync from the jetlag.

“I thought so,” he replied, a thought already beginning to form in his mind as he said the words. “Half the city has ground to a halt because of the weather.”

There was silence for a second and Viktor considered his idea as it began to take root in his mind. He had called because he wanted to make sure that Yuuri was alright, which he clearly was not. From the sound of Yuuri’s voice, he was exhausted and upset and probably wanted nothing more than to rest rather than searching for maybe hours more for another place to stay. And if he was willing, Viktor could provide an easy solution to his problems.

“Um…Viktor? Why did you call me?” Yuuri asked, sounding hesitant. His voice was quiet and there was a slight waver to it, so unlike what Viktor was used to hearing.

“Oh,” he said, realising that he was yet to clarify the point of his call. “I’m staying in Moscow while Yakov coaches Georgi in the Rostelecom Cup so that he can ‘keep an eye on me’. I have an apartment in the city for when I need to be here for official business. If you need somewhere to sleep tonight, you can come and stay with me.”

It was the perfect solution. Viktor’s apartment was close enough to the stadium that Yuuri would have easy access and he could stop worrying about finding somewhere else to stay. And Viktor would get to see him again, so much sooner than he had expected. It was a win-win situation.

On the other end of the line, Yuuri was silent and Viktor worried suddenly that he had overstepped his bounds.

“Yuuri?” he asked cautiously. Then quickly added, “I live near the stadium so it would be easy for you to get there to train tomorrow morning. If you want to stay that is?”

“Um, yes?” came the reply, although it sounded more like a question than a response and Viktor breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “I mean, thank you. Yes. I, uh. That would be great?”

Yuuri’s words were a little disjointed and fumbling but they made Viktor’s heart leap in his chest all the same. Yuuri had agreed to accept Viktor’s help and he was coming to stay. Viktor wasn’t sure how long Yuuri would want to be there for - just a night while he found a new hotel or for longer - but any extra time with him was time that Viktor would treasure and Yuuri could stay for as long as he liked.

Quickly he told Yuuri his address and then repeated it again more slowly, sounding out the words as Yuuri struggled to write the unfamiliar language down. After he had read it back in bad but at least understandable Russian, Viktor continued.

“I live on the top floor,” he said, before quickly adding “Do you need any help getting here from the airport?”

The airport was far enough away that Yuuri would need transport to make his way to Viktor’s apartment and Viktor would be happy to come and pick him up if he needed it.

“No, it’s ok,” Yuuri said instead, sounding a little more confident now. “Thank you Viktor but I’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure…” Viktor asked and Yuuri hummed his agreement. On the other end of the line Viktor could hear the sound of movement, as though Yuuri had already begun to get ready to leave.

“Viktor…” Yuuri said again before trailing off and pausing for a second before continuing. “Thank you again. For helping me out I mean. I just…thank you.”

“Anytime,” Viktor replied and he meant it. It was absolutely no hardship for him to have Yuuri come and spend the night.

After that, they ended the call and Viktor walked through to his bedroom, Makkachin following closely on his heels. Setting his phone down on the nightstand he made his way into the bathroom, pulling off his clothes as he did so before stepping into the shower to wash the grime of practice from his skin. If Yuuri was coming he didn’t want to meet him reeking of sweat and ice. They hadn’t seen each other for months after all.

When he was finished he dried off and redressed, pulling on more comfortable clothes finally feeling himself begin to relax from the long day. The sky was already pitch black outside, highlighting the swirling snowflakes as they danced outside the window and making the lights from the city shine even brighter.

A sharp buzz filled the apartment and Viktor practically sprinted over to the door, hitting the button that opened the main entrance without even bothering to ask who was there. He already knew after all.

As he waited for his guest to climb the flights of stairs between the entrance and his apartment, Viktor tried to compose himself. Yuuri was coming to stay and after so long apart, even the thought made his heart beat faster in his chest. But that didn’t mean that anything had changed since the last time they had seen each other. They might have parted on good terms but Viktor knew now for sure what it had taken him so long to learn. About exactly what the boundary of this relationship was, what he could expect and what dreams he had to learn to let go of.

A soft head pressed against his leg and he glanced down to see Makkachin padding around his feet, tongue lolling out as he looked expectantly at the door.

“Come on Makka,” Viktor told him, smiling and signalling for his dog to follow him. After leading Makkachin into the bedroom he shut the door with a click. Makkachin was endlessly friendly and lovable but he was sometimes a little too excitable when meeting new people and Viktor didn’t want to overwhelm Yuuri the minute he walked in the door.

Suddenly a soft knock filled the apartment and Viktor hurried the last few steps across the main room again, taking one deep breath before pulling the door open and revealing Yuuri standing on the landing beyond.

The first thing that Viktor noticed was how tired Yuuri looked. There were dark circles under both his eyes and he was standing with his shoulders drooping, exhaustion in every line of his body. There was a suitcase standing behind him and Yuuri was gripping the handle with a hand that had turned red from the cold, matching the flush across his cheeks and nose as the warm air of the apartment hit him.

It wasn’t just his skin that looked like it had been feeling the effects of the weather. There were snowflakes lightly coating the shoulders of his jacket and melting in his hair, a few clinging to his dark eyelashes. As he stood in the doorway he shivered, the material of his coat clearly not enough to combat the harsh Moscow winter. The sight made Viktor want to wrap Yuuri in the nearest blanket until he was warm and smiling again.

“Yuuri!” he exclaimed. “Come in. You look freezing.”

Moving to one side, he made enough space in the door way for Yuuri to pass through, dragging his suitcase behind him. As he walked through the doorway Yuuri seemed to relax a little, the cosy temperature of the apartment a sharp contrast to the frigid air from outside.

When he was fully inside, Viktor closed the door again as Yuuri slipped off his shoes and his coat before walking further into the room, eyes curious. Viktor watched as he peered around the apartment, eyes quickly taking in the open plan living space and kitchen and flickering over to the door where the bedroom was hidden.

It was a little sparser than his home in St Petersburg but very similar all the same. Distantly, he wonder what Yuuri thought of it all, what conclusions he was drawing as he looked at the place where Viktor lived so intently.

After a few second of looking Yuuri turned back to him, looking a little hesitant.

“Thank you,” he told Viktor and though the words were stilted the emotion behind them was completely genuine. “For letting me stay here I mean.”

“It’s no problem,” Viktor replied, because it wasn’t. He would happily have Yuuri here as a guest whenever the other man asked. “I was staying in Moscow anyway and I live so close to the arena I just thought it would be easier for you to stay here rather than trying to find a hotel further out.”

“Yes…” Yuuri trailed off a little, shifting on his feet, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he paused. “But I thought you lived in St Petersburg?”

The question caught Viktor off guard and he startled slightly before replying. It was relatively common knowledge but not something that he had expected Yuuri to know or remember. Viktor knew that Yuuri trained in Detroit but that was thanks to the steady stream of picture and video reminders courtesy of Yuuri’s friend Phichit.

“I do.” he replied, trying to keep the surprise out of his tone. It was a valid question after all. “I live in St Petersburg most of the year to train with Yakov. But I have a lot of official business in Moscow and it seemed easier to keep a second apartment here rather than booking a hotel each time.”

“Oh.” Yuuri nodded slightly and the conversation trailed off again as he glanced away, eyes flickering around Viktor’s apartment again. Viktor opened his mouth to speak, wanting to keep talking but he was stopped by an excited bark and a crash as the bedroom door burst open.

Viktor lunged for the dog as he bounded into the room but he was too slow and Makkachin leapt at Yuuri in excitement, knocking him over and licking happily at his face as he greeted the new guest. The bedroom door didn’t lock from the outside and Makkachin must have leapt at the handle. Either that or Viktor hadn’t fully shut the door when he had confined his pet to the room. Not that the cause mattered much when the damage was already done.

“Makkachin!” he scolded as he looked down to where the two of them were lying on the floor together. Makkachin was usually relatively well-behaved but he highly doubted that Yuuri wouldn’t believe that after being immediately bowled over by the dog.

Thankfully, it seemed like Yuuri hardly minded. For the first time since he had arrived he was smiling, laughing as he half -heartedly tried to push Makkachin’s weight off himself while also running his hands through the dog’s fur. Despite Yuuri’s seeming lack of discomfort, Viktor still grabbed Makkachin and pulled him off, mentally telling himself to remind his beloved pet the proper decorum for greeting guests, especially someone like Yuuri.

“I’m sorry about Makkachin,” he told Yuuri but Yuuri just laughed, still lying dishevelled on the floor. “I put him in the bedroom to keep him out of the way but he likes meeting new people and it seems he couldn’t resist.”

“It’s ok,” Yuuri replied with a warm smile, hauling himself to his knees and reaching out for Makkachin again. Makkachin panted happily and licked Yuuri’s hand which made Yuuri laugh again, a bright and happy sound that seemed to fill the whole apartment. Lowering himself to the floor, Makkachin rolled over so that his legs were waggling in the air, shamelessly begging for belly rubs. Without a second of hesitation Yuuri complied with a grin and Makkachin thumped his tail on the floor in contentment as he was petted.

Makkachin seemed to have taken to Yuuri immediately and, watching them, it was clear that Yuuri had done the same. Sitting on the floor and petting Makkachin, Yuuri had transformed from the tired and dejected figure he had been moments before to full of cheer, with a smile that lit up his whole face.

Liking Makkachin was a requirement for anyone who wanted to be close to Viktor and he smiled himself at the sight, the two of them playing on the floor together filling his chest with warmth.

“Do you like dogs?” he asked and Yuuri looked up, cheeks pink and still smiling as Makkachin barked happily.

“Yes,” Yuuri replied and Viktor could feel his smile grow at the statement. Yuuri liked dogs and he seemed to love Makkachin instantly and Viktor couldn’t think of anything better.

“I have a dog back home, back in Japan,” Yuuri continued, eyes suddenly going distant and far away as his voice dropped. “He’s a poodle too but I haven’t been able to see him for years. He looks just like Makkachin, although a lot smaller.”

Yuuri owned a poodle too. It was too perfect and Viktor dropped to his knees beside Yuuri and Makkachin, reaching out to scratch Makkachin behind his ears in the spot that he loved as he smiled, hoping that Yuuri wouldn’t notice just how widely he was grinning at the statement.

“What’s his name?” he asked brightly and Yuuri ducked his head, reaching out to pet Makkachin again as he mumbled.

“Vicchan,” he said and then glanced up quickly at Viktor, who smiled back. Vicchan was a nice name, unusual and nothing that he had ever heard before but that made sense. Absently, he wondered if he would ever get the chance to meet Yuuri’s dog someday. Considering Yuuri had said he was still in Japan it was unlikely but it was a nice thought all the same.

As he watched Yuuri, the other man yawned unexpectedly, reaching up to rub his eyes with the back of his hand as he did so. Makkachin might have been a pleasant distraction but even the smile on Yuuri’s face didn’t hide the dark bags that were still present under his eyes and the exhaustion and jetlag that he must still be feeling.

Bringing his hand down from his eyes, Yuuri glanced at the open door to the bedroom and the bed that lay beyond. It was large and extremely comfortable, Viktor had spared no expense when buying it, and would fit them both easily. They had shared beds before and Yuuri definitely looked like he needed to sleep, and soon.

“I should probably get to bed,” Yuuri said, as if reading Viktor’s mind. He made a vague motion to the room and Viktor stood up, reaching out for Yuuri’s suitcase as he did so.

“Of course.” he said, picking it up and feeling how strangely light it felt compared to the cases he usually. “Is this your only bag?”

Yuuri nodded in response but his face fell as he did so and suddenly he was looking worried again.

“I have another one with all my costumes but the airline lost it temporarily.” he replied. “They’re looking for it though so hopefully it’ll get here before the competition starts.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Viktor reassured, suddenly understanding why Yuuri had sounded so upset over the phone. Losing a bag before a competition must be stressful after all. It had never happened to Viktor yet and hopefully it never would. He just hoped that there was nothing in the suitcases that Yuuri desperately needed to compete.

Turning away he pulled Yuuri’s suitcase behind him, making his way towards the bedroom, Yuuri following behind him. There was no point worrying about it tonight at least.

“There are new sheets on the bed since I’ve only been here a day and you can feel free to use the bathroom whenever you want,” he called back to Yuuri and then stopping in confusion when Yuuri came to an abrupt halt behind him.

“The bed?” Yuuri asked and his voice was suddenly filled with trepidation.

“I…” he trailed off and then tried again. “I was thinking maybe I should sleep on the couch instead?”

The statement came off more like a question but the words were still fully of wariness, as though Yuuri was choosing his words very carefully.

“What?” Viktor asked in confusion, turning back around to look at him. Yuuri was staring at him, still halted a few feet away and eyeing the bedroom worriedly. His teeth were worrying his lower lip again and he glanced at Viktor as if waiting to gauge his reaction.

For a few seconds, Viktor remained confused. Then understanding hit him like a pile of bricks and he recoiled at the mere thought, horrified.

After sharing a bed together twice before he had assumed that Yuuri would be comfortable doing the same again. He had shared a bed with Chris as well after all when the situation demanded it and he knew that Yuuri had shared at least rooms with his friend, if not beds. There was no other place in the house for Yuuri to sleep. His assumption that they would share had been a natural one.

But not once had he considered that Yuuri might take it a completely different way. Inviting Yuuri to share his bed had been for convenience sake. Not that he didn’t want to sleep with Yuuri again, he would by lying to himself if he said that he didn’t, but Yuuri had looked exhausted and Viktor had assumed that all either of them would be doing that night was sleeping.

But it seemed that Yuuri had drawn a different conclusion from his words. Had thought that Viktor expected something, had thought that he was requesting something in return for his hospitality. The idea that Yuuri would ever think that Viktor would pressure him into anything, would make him pay for something that was freely given, and in such a way, made something unpleasant twist in Viktor’s gut. That had never been his intention but that fact that Yuuri ever could believe it might be hurt in a way that was unexpected and painful.

“No!” he exclaimed, wanting to make that point very clear and watching as Yuuri’s eyes widened a little, as though he hadn’t expected that response. “I didn’t mean…not if you…I wasn’t expecting…I won’t…”

He trailed off and looked at Yuuri imploringly, hoping that Yuuri understood. Viktor treasured that time together, it was true. And he would happily sleep with Yuuri again if that’s what Yuuri wanted. But Yuuri having a place to stay was not conditional on him returning to Viktor’s bed in that way and never would be.

“It’s only that the couch is very uncomfortable.” he added, trying to justify his offer without convincing Yuuri further of the expectation of repayment. “Trust me, I’ve slept on it enough times after a night of drinking to know.”

It was true. The couch might be comfortable to sit on but Viktor had woken up many times with a stiff neck and an aching back and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially so close to a competition.

“If you sleep there it’ll be bad for your back and you’ve got the competition coming up soon. I can sleep there instead and you can have the bed.”

 “What, no!” Yuuri protested, his wary expression suddenly changing to horrified. As if the mere thought of taking Viktor’s bed while Viktor slept elsewhere was appalling to him. “I can sleep on the couch! I swear I don’t mind.”

“Trust me Yuuri, that’s a bad idea. You have the bed. Please.” Viktor shot back, not willing to concede on this one. For a few seconds Yuuri looked like he was going to protest again and then he stopped, looking considering. Finally he spoke again, the words coming slowly as though he was trying them out cautiously before fully committing to the question.

“We could…share?” he said, looking at Viktor hesitantly as though waiting for an answer. “If you want to that is. We could share the bed?”

Viktor could feel himself blink a little in surprise at Yuuri’s sudden change in opinion about the bed but he decided not to question it. Clearly he had made it clear enough that Yuuri was welcome without needing to give Viktor anything in return and it seemed that Yuuri wasn’t opposed to sharing the bed in the innocent way that Viktor had originally intended.

“If you’re comfortable with that, then of course.” he agreed and Yuuri relaxed, the tension draining from his frame and a small smile replacing it instead, directed at Viktor. He nodded and then followed Viktor into the bedroom, looking much happier than he had a few seconds previously.

When they were inside, Viktor dragged Yuuri’s suitcase over to the far wall and set it down, turning around to where Yuuri was hovering in the middle of the room, looking slightly unsure of himself.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Viktor told him, before slipping out of the room. After a long plane journey he usually just wanted to have a long hot shower and then sleep it off and he assumed that Yuuri would probably want to do the same. It seemed that he was right because a few minutes later the noise of the shower started up and remained running for a while as Yuuri got ready for bed. The sound of water running finally stopped but Viktor still waited a while before re-entering the room slowly.

The light was still on and he assumed that Yuuri would still be up, so it was a surprise when he opened the door to see Yuuri already curled up in bed, buried deep beneath the covers. His glasses and phone were resting on the nightstand and his eyes were closed, although they cracked open when Viktor entered as Yuuri peered at him blearily. 

“Do you want to sleep now?” Viktor asked quietly, taking in how peaceful Yuuri was already looking. It seemed that as soon as he had entered the bed he had already begun to fall asleep, the tiredness of travel finally hitting him full force now that he could relax. Yuuri nodded in reply and Viktor reached out to find the light switch on the wall beside him, flicking it off and watching as Yuuri’s face suddenly became shrouded by darkness.

It was late by Moscow time and even though Viktor wasn’t nearly as tired as Yuuri looked, he decided that he might as well join Yuuri in bed regardless. If he stayed up, the noise from the main room might keep Yuuri awake and there was also a selfish part of him that wanted to be close to Yuuri, even if touching was forbidden.

Walking across the room, he pulled off his shirt before hesitating and glancing to where Yuuri was lying with his eyes closed on one side of the bed. Usually he would sleep naked but that hardly seemed appropriate here, nor did just sleeping in his underwear like he would do when decorum demanded for clothes. After Yuuri had been so hesitant before, he didn’t want to give off the wrong impression.

Instead, he slipped out of his remaining clothes and dug around in a drawer for a moment before pulling out an old pair of loose trousers and a worn t-shirt that he kept for emergencies. Pulling them on, he walked over to the bed and sat down, looking over at Yuuri again before lying down fully. As he did so he noticed that Yuuri had reopened his eyes and was watching Viktor with an unreadable expression on his face. When Viktor lay down he shuffled even further away, so far that he back was almost hanging off the edge of the bed.

It was as clear a message as any. Yuuri might be fine with sharing the bed but he was still doing everything he could to warn Viktor away from touching him. It still hurt, that Yuuri would even consider the possibility that Viktor would demand something from him in return for his hospitality. It also seemed strange, that before Yuuri had wanted nothing but to sleep with him and now he was shying away.

But it was Yuuri’s choice to make and Viktor would respect it. If Yuuri didn’t want to be close to him then Viktor wouldn’t do anything that might imply he expected Yuuri to please him in return for letting Yuuri stay. Would do nothing to make Yuuri feel pressured, would keep his distance like Yuuri so clearly wanted him to. And if Yuuri came back to him willingly he would treasure that while he had it, if he had it, again. 

Lying there in the dark, Viktor stared at the ceiling and tried not to think too hard about the warm body lying in the bed next to him. He wanted nothing more than to take Yuuri in his arms, to holding him close and press gentle kisses against his skin until Yuuri fell asleep but he couldn’t. Instead he stayed still and silent, only moving to look over at Yuuri when Yuuri spoke again into the darkness, his voice quiet but content.

“Thank you Viktor,” he said and his voice was filled with gratitude and a much deeper emotion that laced through his every word. “For letting me stay.”

When Viktor turned to look at him, Yuuri’s eyes were open and bright even in the darkness of the room and he was staring at Viktor with a raw honesty in his eyes. There might be much more space between them than there ever had been in a bed before but Viktor was suddenly reminded of the last night they had shared together and the way that Yuuri had looked at him then. It brought another ache to his chest, less painful and more longing.

“Of course solnyshko.” he replied, still watching Yuuri in the darkness. If Yuuri was curious about the Russian word he didn’t ask. Instead he tensed slightly and then finally relaxed and closed his eyes, his breathing gradually evening out as he slipped down into sleep.

“Solnyshko," he had called Yuuri. Solnyshko, Viktor’s own personal sun. Bright and burning, beautiful and destructive. Bringing light into his life and melting the wax from his wings for daring to get so close to something that would never, could never, be his.

Across the bed from him, Yuuri sighed gently in his sleep, shifting slightly and snuggling down further into the softness of the bed. The action made Viktor smile, along with the way Yuuri’s brows creased a little as he sought further warmth. Even asleep he seemed a little restless and Viktor wondered absentmindedly what his sleeping mind was dreaming about.

They stayed like that for a few hours, lost in the peaceful darkness. As he lay there, Viktor found that he was struggling to fall asleep, despite the late - or early, he wasn’t quite sure anymore - hour. Not long after Yuuri had fallen asleep, Makkachin had padded into the room, jumping up onto the bed and curling up at Viktor’s feet when he saw that his usual spot was already occupied.

Every so often Yuuri shifted, a little crease still formed between his eyebrows as he moved. Before, he had been lying right at the very side of the bed, as far away from Viktor as he could possibly be without falling off completely but gradually he moved closer, closing the space between them with each turn as he unconsciously sought out the warmth from Viktor’s body. During one turn he flung out one arm, his fingers curling a little as they came to rest on Viktor’s skin.

As gently as he could, Viktor lifted Yuuri’s hand from his arm and placed it back by Yuuri’s side. Yuuri had stayed very pointedly far away from him when he was conscious, he wouldn’t be please to wake up suddenly so close like they had been so many times before.

At the loss of contact Yuuri sighed sleepily again, rolling over and wrapping the blankets tightly around himself as he did so. Makkachin huffed a little in surprise as he was unexpectedly moved and Viktor patted the bed next to him, signalling for Makkachin to come and lie between them. Having a dog as a shield between them would prevent him from reaching out for Yuuri in his sleep, just like Yuuri had done to him. Makkachin moved willingly and lay down again, shutting his eyes and beginning to doze once more.

As the time ticked on, Viktor finally found himself begin to grow tired, the first tendrils of sleep coming for him at last. Taking one last look at where Yuuri had wrapped himself in the blankets, just a dark tuft of hair visible in the huddle, he closed his eyes.

It might have been a strange evening and filled with a variety of emotions but above everything else, Yuuri was here. Staying in his house, laughing with Makkachin, filling the rooms with something other than silence. That thought alone made Viktor smile and he gradually drifted off into sleep with Yuuri by his side, Makkachin lying contentedly between them.

The feeling of the bed shifting was what woke Viktor the next morning, combined with the warmth of a bright beam of sunlight spilling onto his face. Groaning a little he brought up an arm to shield his eyes from the light, blinking sleepily and trying to clear his head a little.

“What time is it?” he mumbled to no-one in particular, then snapped his eyes open when Yuuri’s voice spoke beside him, relaying the time.

Lowing his arm and peering over, Viktor looked at Yuuri where he was haloed in the morning light. His hair was a rumpled mess again and his t-shirt had slid down one shoulder, exposing some of his bare skin that was highlighted by the sun’s glow. His glasses were sitting a little crookedly on his nose and he looked just as tired as Viktor felt.

Sitting up quickly, Viktor ran a hand through his own hair, feeling the way it stuck up in all directions and refused to lie flat. Every morning previously, he had woken up before Yuuri and made himself presentable but this time he was sure he looked tired and dishevelled. Not one of his better looks.

Yuuri on the other hand, hardly seemed to notice Viktor’s appearance, instead scrunching his nose up a little as he stretched. For a few seconds Viktor watched him, a little mesmerised and then what Yuuri had said suddenly hit him, the time he had relayed being much later than when Viktor would usually wake up.

“It’s late,” he exclaimed in surprise. “I didn’t realise that we had slept that long.”

Yuuri might have had the excuse of jetlag, and he failing to sleep until the early hours of the morning, but there was still training to be done. And Yakov would not be happy at Viktor turning up hours late for practice, especially when he was so adamant that Viktor take back his title of champion.

“Do you have somewhere to be?” Yuuri asked, glancing over at him.

“I’m supposed to be practicing,” Viktor admitted, a little guiltily. He rarely had to set alarms, usually his body would wake him early regardless of how little sleep he had had that night. But not today it seemed.

“Yakov has booked time in a local rink for all his skaters while we’re all here in Moscow and I’m supposed to be there to prepare for the Final.”

“Oh, you should take the shower first then,” Yuuri told him and shot Viktor a look when he opened his mouth to argue. Deciding that it wasn’t worth the fight over politeness Viktor did as he was told, padding into the bathroom to wash and shave quickly. When he was finished, he walked back into the room wrapped in a towel to find it deserted.

Hurriedly, he pulled on his practice clothes and stuck his head out of the bedroom door just in time to see Yuuri heading out of the apartment. He was dressed in his skating clothes as well, covered by his jacket with thick boots on his feet that were more suitable to the winter weather than what he had been wearing before. There was a rucksack slung over his shoulder which bulged with the weight of his practice gear.

“Are you going to the stadium to practice?” Viktor asked, although from what Yuuri was wearing the answer was already pretty clear.

“Yes,” Yuuri told him, hitching his bag higher onto his shoulder and glancing quickly out of the window to where the snow had finally stopped falling sometime during the night. The world was still coated in a blanket of white but it was much less hostile than the snowstorm of the night before.

“Do you need any help finding your way?” Viktor checked and Yuuri shook his head which made a slight spike of disappointment rise within him. The rink that he was practicing at was not the same as the stadium where Yuuri would be headed but he would have happily taken the time to walk Yuuri there before heading to his own training.

“You said you lived close by right?” Yuuri asked and Viktor replied with a quick ‘I do’. He had chosen this place to keep his second apartment specifically due to its closeness to various sporting locations and it should be a relatively easy walk to make.

“Ok,” Yuuri hesitated a little, shifting slightly as though he was not sure whether to continue the conversation or leave for practice. Viktor spoke for him, to break the silence.

“I’ll see you tonight?” he asked, both to give Yuuri an easy end to the conversation and as a question who’s answer he was very interested in. Since the snow had stopped, it was likely that whatever had stopped Yuuri from finding a hotel room was gone now. Yuuri was welcome to return here, there was no point in him finding somewhere else when it was so convenient to stay with Viktor himself, but he might choose to leave all the same. Viktor wanted to know if he would return to find Yuuri here or come back from practice to an empty apartment and all trace of Yuuri gone.

Thankfully Yuuri responded with a nod and a little half smile, ducking his head slightly in a silent goodbye before turning to leave the apartment. Viktor watched him go, then retreated into his bedroom to gather up his own practice gear with a slight smile on his face. Usually he would stay at the stadium until late into the evening, practicing until Yakov threw him out, but somehow he had the feeling that today he would stop his training much earlier than usual. There was someone for him to come home to after all.

polyroshan @ polyroshan · 50m

I am honestly so sick of Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki and I honestly need them and their fans to stay 100 feet away from me at all times

spacecritters @ spacecritters · 49m

@polyroshan Wow, someone’s bitter!

polyroshan @ polyroshan  · 47m

@spacecritters Yes I’m bitter! I’m bitter because I can’t have a single discussion about figure skating without someone trying to shove those two down my throat!

adelantis @ adelantis · 46m

@spacecritters Plus Nikiforov and Katsuki fans are so obnoxious, acting like they’re something special because of their precious rivalry and not letting anyone else watch in peace

icecreamcoffee @ icecreamcoffee · 43m

@adelantis Obnoxious??? Have you ever met a JJ girl???

adelantis @ adelantis · 39m

@icecreamcoffee yeah, and I like them a hell of a lot more than I like all Nikiforov and Katsuki fans combined

porksmutlet @ porksmutlet  · 36m

@adelantis  JJ is a pathetic wannabe and he’s never going to beat either of the two skating legends! Stop wasting your time complaining and get a life

LucyLeroy @ lucycamui · 35m

@porksmutlet YOU DARE???

LucyLeroy @ lucycamui · 35m

KATSUKI IS A GOLD STEALING HO AND NIKIFOROV’S A WASH OUT, JUST LIKE HIS BOTTLE BLOND BLEACH JOB

LucyLeroy @ lucycamui · 35m

JJ IS THE TRUE KING OF FIGURE SKATING

jaeger-babe @ jaeger-babe · 34m

@lucycamui I WOULD DIE FOR JJ

that-phony-person @ that-phony-person · 34m

@porksmutlet How dare you insult the king???

pvtdoughnuthole @ pvtdoughnuthole · 31m

Katsuki and Nikiforov fans do nothing but argue with each other, be obnoxious and put down other skaters

y3daner @ y3daner  · 30m

@pvtdoughnuthole Ok by JJ fans can be suuuuuper obnoxious too tho

akiistuffs @ akiistuffs · 30m

@lucycamui HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT MY FAVES

LucyLeroy @ lucycamui · 30m

@akiistuffs TRY ME BITCH, I WON'T HESITATE

victory-for-vikturi @ victory-for-vikturi · 29m

Alright everybody, let’s calm down and stop arguing with each other. We’re all fans of the same sport!

domokunrainbowkinz @ domokunrainbowkinz · 27m

Lets all just agree that there are bad parts of the fandom and good parts of the fandom. Sometimes things I see make me ashamed to be a Niki girl but I’ve seen the same from fans of all sides. None of us are any better than the others

paladinquen @ paladinquen · 25m

@domokunrainbowkinz Excuse me but Katsuki fans are definitely the best. He’s the reigning champion after all

simplekitty @ simplekitty · 22m

@paladinquen uh, no. Nikiforov is the Living Legend for a reason! Soon Katsuki is going to get kicked back to second best where he belongs

enter21 @ enter21 · 20m

Do you think Katsuki and Nikiforov fans are aware of how shitty they sound when they talk about second place like it’s a bad thing or are they just that stupid?

meissauniverse @ meissauniverse · 19m

Do you know how exhausting it is to be a fan of literally any other skater and see Katsuki and Nikiforov fans talking shit about getting second place!

vocaotome @ vocaotome · 16m

Second place is good people!!!! It’s a goddamn silver medal stop acting like anything under gold isn’t worth anyone’s time

Rhya @ rhya13 · 14m

@vocaotome yeah, you gotta wonder how it feels to be a skater who constantly sees bitter Katsuki and Nikiforov fans talking shit about lower places being failures

rogovich @ rogovich · 13m

@rhya13 And not just for other skaters! Imagine what it must feel like for Nikiforov and Katsuki themselves!

rogovich @ rogovich  · 10m

Winning a silver medal and then have people acting like you failed! No wonder they’re both so hell bent on getting gold!

yuurikatsuforov @ yuurikatsuforov · 8m

@rogovich Yeah, honestly it must suck for them as much as it does for any other skater. People really need to remember that these are real people we’re talking about. They have feelings too!

leafandluke @ leafandluke · 7m

Maybe if Katsuki and Nikiforov fans stopped being such dicks we wouldn’t have this problem!

linneakou @ linneakou · 6m

Maybe if JJ fans stopped acting like they’re the best thing in the world everyone could just enjoy skating in peace!

vanella96 @ vanella96 · 3m

Maybe if everyone just became a Giacometti fan we wouldn’t be having this problem #chrisforgold

theladyofravenclaw @ theladyofravenclaw · 1m

Maybe if everyone just shut up and watched the goddamn sport this fandom could stop being such a dumpster fire jfc

It was a strange feeling, to arrive back home so early. There were some strange looks around the rink when Viktor was the first to pack up and leave that day but he had ignored them all as he slung his bag onto his shoulders and made his way out of the building. And now he was back at home with the evening only just beginning to creep in.

Making his way up the stairs he reached the door of his apartment, pushing it open without bothering to look for his keys. That day he had texted the main door code to Yuuri but there were no spare keys that he could lend the other man and so he had left his front door open, to allow Yuuri to re-enter if he arrived back home before Viktor did.

“Yuuri?” he called softly when he stepped back into the apartment, kicking off his shoes and taking note of the empty living room and kitchen that made up the main body of the place.

“Makka?” he tried when there was no reply. Usually Makkachin would have come bounding to greet him at the door but this time the place was eerily silent and empty. A little worried, Viktor took a few steps forward, then turned around to hang his coat on the rack beside the door. As he did so he noticed that Makkachin’s leash and collar were missing from their usual place on the rack and he suddenly understood.

If Makkachin’s lead and collar were gone then presumably Yuuri had taken him out for a walk. The two of them had bonded so well the day before and Makkachin always begged for walks whenever he could. Usually Viktor would come home at lunchtime to take him out as well as in the mornings before he left but today he had overslept and been held up at the rink over lunch because of it. Makkachin would have been desperate to go out and had likely pleaded with Yuuri to go when he returned home. Viktor was glad that Yuuri had taken him. He hated the thought of Makkachin being unhappy and the idea of he and Yuuri bonding made a swell of warmth grow in his chest.

Walking back through to the bedroom, he put away his skating gear and took a shower, redressing in more comfortable clothes before making his way back into the main room. There wasn’t much for him to do, usually he got back late enough that all he cared about was eating and going to sleep, so he flopped down onto the couch and opened up his phone.

After flicking through Instagram for a little while, he uploaded a few photos from that day and then switched to twitter, responding to a few fan tweets and reading a few more. Eventually he gave up and went back to Instagram, opening up Phichit Chulanont’s account almost automatically.

The picture at the top was a picture of Yuuri and his friend at an airport, presumably before one or both of them left for the upcoming competitions. Their arms were slung around each other and their faces were pressed close together in order to fit them both in the photograph. Phichit was grinning brightly at the camera and Yuuri’s eyes were scrunched up as he laughed. He looked so very happy, unlike the slightly skittish nervousness that he seemed to display now that he was under Viktor’s roof. It made Viktor’s heart ache a little, that he could never, and probably would never, be able to make Yuuri that happy and carefree. He had laughed with Viktor before, had smiled at him before, but he was still surrounded by some many impenetrable walls and layers and layers of confusion and mystery that Viktor had been forced to resign himself to never solving. 

He loved having Yuuri here, staying with him, but the taste was bittersweet. A hint of what having Yuuri in his life forever might be like but nothing more. And nothing he could let himself crave because he had already accepted that it would never be.

A soft creek alerted him to the front door opening and he looked up to see Yuuri enter, Makkachin bounding along beside him. Yuuri’s eyes were downcast and he stayed close to the door, teeth worrying the bottom corner of his lip as he slipped inside the room.

“Oh, you’re back,” Viktor said brightly, pushing his previous thoughts away in favour of greeting his unexpected houseguest. “Did you have a good walk?”

Makkachin barked happily, looking worn out and content and he loped over to the couch and jumped up to sit next to Viktor. Laughing at the expression on Makkachin’s face, Viktor rubbed him softly behind the ears in greeting.

“I’m so sorry,” Yuuri blurted out, and Viktor looked up at him in surprise. Yuuri was still standing by the door, now with his coat and shoes removed and looking a lot smaller in the thin fabric of his practice clothes rather than his bulky outer wear. One of his arms was wrapped around the other and his fingers were digging tightly into his own skin.

“I know I should have waited for you to come back but Makkachin really wanted to go for a walk andIpromiseIwon’tdoitagain.”

The last part was blurted out in a rush and Yuuri averted his eyes again, looking upset. Viktor was baffled. Yuuri had done him a favour by taking Makkachin out for a walk and he was happy to see that the two of them were getting along. Much as he loved having Yuuri in his house, if Makkachin hadn’t like him then it would have spelled disaster. Yuuri loving Makkachin and Makkachin loving Yuuri right back was everything that he could have wanted.

“Don’t worry about it Yuuri,” he reassured, wanting to make sure the other skater knew that he wasn’t angry in the slightest. Yuuri’s eyes flickered back up to look at him and his gaze was almost hopeful. “I’m glad you took him for a walk. I got held up at the rink today and Makkachin hates being cooped up inside for too long. When I came in I saw that the lead and collar were gone and I assumed that’s what you were doing. As long as you kept him on the lead it’s fine. Makkachin sometimes likes to run out in front of traffic if he’s not on the lead on the streets.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah,” Yuuri said hesitantly, still standing far away across the room, back almost pressed to the door. As if sensing Yuuri’s hesitance, Makkachin jumped up from the couch and bounded back over to where Yuuri was standing. Lightly, he butted his head playfully against Yuuri’s thigh as he circled his legs, gradually coaxing Yuuri forward into the room.

“He really likes you,” Viktor commented with a smile and finally Yuuri smiled back, some of the tension in his shoulders melting away as he did so. Reaching down, he rubbed the top of Makkachin’s head affectionately and Makkachin huffed happily in response.

Makkachin had taken to Yuuri faster than he had to anyone else before and Viktor couldn’t help it as his smile widened as he watched the two of them together. Yuuri responded easily to Makkachin and he always seemed so much happier when the dog was around. Suddenly, Viktor remembered what Yuuri had said about his own dog, all the way back in Japan. He must miss him an awful lot when he was training out in Detroit. Viktor didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t have Makkachin by his side.

Shifting a little in his seat, Viktor suddenly felt a spike of hunger and, with a quick glance out of the window, he realised how late it actually was. Presumably Yuuri hadn’t eaten either and it was definitely time to remedy that.

Stretching a little to work the stiffness from his back that came with sitting for too long, Viktor turned back to Yuuri to ask.

“What do you want to eat?” he queried. At his words Yuuri looked a little surprised, like he wasn’t expecting the question.

“There’s not much here to eat. I don’t really cook myself.” Viktor clarified. “But we can order something in if you’re hungry.”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Yuuri stammered, still looking a little thrown by the question. Sensing that that was probably all the response that he would get, Viktor picked up his phone and hit the familiar number.

A few seconds later the voice of a bored employee answered, ready to take his order. The place was local and somewhere he had used many times before. When the woman at the other end of the phone asked for his order however he froze, his normal response already halfway past his lips. That wasn’t going to work today. Yuuri was here and he needed to order for two, needed to buy something that Yuuri would like. But he had no idea what that was, apart from Katsudon which he knew for a fact the restaurant didn’t sell.

Trying to mask his panic, Viktor rattled off a list of everything that he could think of that Yuuri might enjoy from the menu, putting it all on his usual bill. It was about four times the amount of food that he would usually order but better that than finding out that there was nothing he had bought that Yuuri could eat.

When the order was placed he rang off, turning around to look at Yuuri again and noting the way the other man was watching him intently, although it took Viktor a few seconds to work out why. He had been speaking his native language, a matter of habit at home by now. Yuuri wouldn’t have been able to understand a word of what he said.

“There’s a local place just a few streets from here that does good food.” he clarified, watching as Yuuri’s expression became one of understanding. He was still standing close to the door but as Viktor watched, his eyes flickered to the place where Viktor was lying stretched out on the couch.

Flushing slightly in embarrassment, Viktor lowered his legs to make room. He was so used to being able to stretch out to his heart’s desire that he had forgotten to make sure that Yuuri had a place to sit too.

Ideally he would like Yuuri by his side, cuddled close. Or even in his lap, even if all Yuuri wanted to do from there was to take things further like they always did rather than just simply staying close together like Viktor wanted most of all. But instead, Yuuri sat down on the very far end of the couch, perching hesitantly with as much distance between Viktor and himself as he could.

It seemed that Yuuri was still keeping his distance, still wanted nothing from Viktor. The last time they had been together, Yuuri had seemed so content to be close to him and Viktor had thought that now they had a routine established. That, now he had accepted that sleeping with him was all that Yuuri wanted, that that routine would continue for at least a while yet. Not the true kind of closeness that he craved but one that he would take all the same if it was all that he could have.

But now Yuuri seemed to be purposefully keeping his distance and Viktor refused to press. Instead he moved further to the other end of the couch, giving Yuuri room. If space was what Yuuri wanted then space was what Viktor would give him, even as he longer for closeness. After the disastrous conversation on the first night he wouldn’t risk doing anything that would make Yuuri feel like he was obligated to follow along with Viktor’s desires for the sake of the roof over his head and the imaginary debt he owed for staying, even when Viktor offered it so freely.

“I’ve ordered a couple of things so hopefully there’ll be something that you like.” Viktor said, hoping to brush past the awkward moment between them.

“Thank you.” Yuuri replied, still sitting far away at his own end of the couch and still sounding a little hesitant as he spoke. Quickly, he glanced up at Viktor and offered him a small smile before averting his eyes again, shifting a little as he did so.

It didn’t take long before their food arrived and Viktor went to greet the delivery boy at the door, taking the pile of boxes from him with a nod and a few words of thanks. When he turned back around it was to see that Yuuri has already made his way over to the kitchen area and was setting out plates and cutlery for them both, matching sets facing opposite each other.

Yuuri sat down at one of the places and Viktor copied him, setting out some of the food and digging in. Yuuri followed soon after him and Viktor watched him anxiously as Yuuri took his first bite. But it seemed like Russian food was to Yuuri’s taste because he hummed in pleasure and then tucked in, eating quickly as he replenished the energy he must have lost from practice that day.

“Do you like it?” Viktor asked and Yuuri nodded, mouth still full of food and looking content. Hastily he swallowed his mouthful and shot Viktor a quick smile before ducking his head and returning to his food again.

After that they ate mostly in silence but Viktor noticed Yuuri stealing quick glances at him as the meal progressed. A few times his gaze lingered and he almost looked as though he were about to speak before he dropped his gaze again.

Finally, when Viktor was least expecting it, he spoke.

 “How was your training today?” Yuuri asked and Viktor relaxed, glad that there was conversation again.

“It was good,” he replied, finishing his mouthful and smiling ruefully across at Yuuri. “Yakov yelled at me for a while for showing up late but I make a habit of not listening to him anyway and he’s practically given up by now.”

Yakov had been furious by Viktor ambling into the stadium hours after the rest of the group had already begun practice but Viktor had brushed off his anger with ease. He had done far worse than show up late before and Yakov had long ago stopped expecting Viktor to be the perfect pupil.

“He’s the best coach I’ve ever had but I’ve never really been one for following the rules.” Viktor added thoughtfully.  Yakov was the first coach to really let Viktor express himself, to go his own way and become the skater that he was today, unconfined by expectations. They might disagree often but at least Yakov knew how to pick his battles.

“I’ve always wanted to skate but I have to skate the way that I want. Listening to Yakov doesn’t always fit in with that.” He finished and Yuuri nodded absentmindedly, although he looked a little unconvinced.

“And what about you Yuuri?” Viktor prompted when silence fell between them again, wanting to keep the conversation going. “I’ve been training with Yakov for years, just like you’ve been training with Celestino. But what about before that? What made you want to skate?”

He knew so little about Yuuri’s life and this seemed like the perfect time to finally ask. When they both were here in neutral ground with their walls down. Yuuri might still be acting a little skittish around him but there was no harm in trying.

For a second, Viktor thought that Yuuri might not answer. At Viktor’s words his expression turned contemplative and he twirled his fork absentmindedly between his fingers as he thought. Then finally, he spoke.

“When I was younger I used to do ballet,” he said and Viktor straightened up, listening intently. “I enjoyed it and my ballet teacher was a figure skating fan. She recommended that I try skating out and well…” Yuuri gave a little half-shrug and gestured to himself. “Here I am.”

“Why not just stick with ballet?” Viktor asked, hoping that Yuuri would continue talking. He wanted to know Yuuri, wanted for Yuuri to keep telling him about his life because Viktor could listen to that forever. “Why move on to ice skating.”

Distantly, he wondered how much would have been different, had Yuuri never been convinced to persue skating as a career. In a different life, where he had stayed with ballet maybe, or found something else to capture his heart. When Viktor would have skated and skated until even skating felt empty and had no-one and nothing to bring light back into his life again.

He quickly pushed away the thought. Something had convinced Yuuri to keep skating, to compete and that something had changed Viktor’s life with it. Whatever it was, it had brought Yuuri to him.

“I guess I just enjoyed skating more,” Yuuri shrugged, his eyes flickering away briefly before returning to Viktor. “I made friends with one of the girls there and she encouraged me to keep going. I found myself spending more and more time at the rink and I don’t know. I guess I just fell in love with the ice.”

“I know the feeling,” Viktor replied and he could feel the soft smile on his face. Before he had begun to lose inspiration, before winning had become a chore rather than a goal and long long before Yuuri had come into his life and changed everything, he had fallen in love with the ice too. A child who had stepped onto the cold surface and felt like he was flying. Who could be free on the ice in a way that he had never felt before, who had sold it his soul and never once looked back.

Yuuri and he were kindred spirits in that way. So few people knew what it meant to live a life devoted to the ice, the thrill of the cheering crowds and the joy of the feeling of blades cutting across the smooth surface as he danced. It was indescribable and it was theirs.

Viktor’s eyes had drifted away as he thought but he brought them back to Yuuri and Yuuri glanced away, face flushing a little. They didn’t speak again but somehow this time, Viktor found he didn’t mind the silence so much. It was comfortable rather than oppressive, something he had never felt before.

When they had both finally finished as much as they were able to eat they cleared the table, Viktor leaving to fill up Makkachin’s bowl while Yuuri loaded dishes into the dishwasher and set it to run. As Viktor straightened up, Yuuri was shoving the empty boxes into the bin, completing the task before Viktor was able to. It was nice, to have someone to eat with, to share the workload with. Yuuri might be a hesitant houseguest but he was also a very helpful one and where once evening hours had dragged, with silence filling every corner, now Viktor had barely noticed the passing of time.

After their tasks were done, Yuuri yawned, rubbing at his eyes where dark circles still sat beneath them. It had only been a day since he had arrived and it seemed like the jetlag was still weighing on him. Soon he retreated into the bedroom, shutting the door with a soft click behind him.

It was too early for Viktor to go to bed and so he hung around in the main room for a few hours longer, flicking through a book before tiredness began to creep into his own mind. With a yawn he got up from where he had been sitting and made his way over to the bedroom door. When he got there he knocked lightly on the wood but there was no reply. It seemed that Yuuri was already asleep.

As quietly as he could, Viktor slipped into the room. Yuuri was already lying in bed, his glasses resting on the nightstand again and his hand curled up against the pillow by his face as he slept. His expression was peaceful, highlighted in gold from the light spilling into the room behind Viktor.

Silently, Viktor shut the door and crossed to the other side of the room, getting changed quickly into his rarely used sleep clothes and making his way over to the bed. When he got there he sat down lightly, trying not to disturb the sleeping man next to him. With a slight huff, Yuuri rolled over, unconsciously angling himself towards the heat of Viktor’s body.

When Viktor made no move to come closer Yuuri moved again, burrowing himself in the blankets and wrapping them tightly around himself. The sight almost made Viktor want to laugh, the way that Yuuri rolled himself into the warmth when there was nothing to hold on to.

Tugging at the covers slightly, Viktor freed enough of them to cover himself and lay down fully, turned on his side to face Yuuri’s sleeping form. On impulse he reached out and, before he could stop himself, reached out one hand to touch the warmth of Yuuri’s skin. Stroking the back of his hand lightly down Yuuri’s face and watching a small smile appear on the other man’s sleeping face as he did so. Yuuri pressed up a little into the touch and Viktor let his hand linger there for a moment before finally pulling it away.

It was an indulgence and not one that he should be participating in, or even thinking about. Yuuri was his guest and for now, that was all he was. Maybe at some point Yuuri would want to sleep with Viktor again and if he did then Viktor would give him it instantly. But soft, affectionate touches in the dark of the night were something that he couldn’t afford. To protect his own heart, he had begun to build his walls, to stop hoping for more from Yuuri because it had been made clear that he could never have it. Touching Yuuri like this would only make it harder when he remembered the reality that he had now come to accept.

Next to him, the smile slipped off Yuuri’s face as Viktor hand left his skin and he burrowed deeper into the blankets, still fast asleep. For a few more minutes Viktor simply watched him before finally closing his eyes and allowing himself to follow Yuuri into sleep.

whalefairyfandom12

Viktuuri is the best ship, reblog if you agree

#Katsuki Yuuri #Viktor Nikiforov #Figure Skating #Viktuuri

9,483 notes

embersofamber

You know how everyone has that one crack ship that they love even though it makes no sense?? That’s exactly how I feel about Katsuki/Giacometti

#Katsuki Yuuri #Christophe Giacometti #Figure Skating #what even is this ship name #katcometti??? #chuuri??? #I don’t care I love it anyway

247 notes

worldofcopperwings

CHRIS/VIKTOR IS LOVE, CHRIS/VIKTOR IS LIFE

#Viktor Nikiforov #Christophe Giacometti #Nikimetti

1,389 notes

getawaymachine

Viktuuri is clearly the best ship. They’ve got the best chemistry, best story, what’s not to love about them???

#Katsuki Yuuri #Viktor Nikiforov #Figure Skating #Viktuuri #I don’t care if you all say they hate each other they’re still the best ok

7,924 notes

cryingoverspilledvodka

You're all idiots. Obviously the person Yuuri is most close to is Phichit. They have a connection Nikiforov could never get close to. Phichit understands Yuuri way more as a person and skater. #phichuuriendgame

#Katsuki Yuuri #Phichit Chulanont #Phichuuri #phichuuri is clearly the better and more realistic option here #who would want Yuuri to end up with anyone else???

1,032 notes

victuri-4-ever

Who’s excited for the GPF so we can all see our fave ship together again!!!

#Katsuki Yuuri #Viktor Nikiforov #Figure Skating #GPF #Viktuuuri

1,782 notes

maracate

Can we all please chill with the shipping drama rn, we don’t want a repeat of last year’s shipping wars

#Figure Skating #Phichuuri #Viktuuri #Nikimetti

907 notes

Yuuri_Chulanont.gif

fey-knight

Best of Phichuuri from Phichit’s insta videos <3

#Phichit Chulanont #Katsuki Yuuri #Phichuuri

2,592 notes

Viktuuri2.jpg

5tarfruit

Manip I made of figure skating’s favourite hate couple!

#Katsuki Yuuri #Viktor Nikiforov #Viktuuri

3,928 notes

Why Nikimetti Is Real

I know that a lot of the fandom has now been taken over by ‘Viktuuri’ shippers but let’s not forget all the evidence we have (and there’s a lot of it) that Viktor/Chris is actually a real thing…

Read more

#Viktor Nikiforov #Christophe Giacometti #Nikimetti

457 notes

When Viktor awoke the next morning, he was alone. Quickly he reached for his phone and clicked it open, taking a look at the time on display there. It was late, not nearly as late as the day before but late all the same, for him at least. Usually he would be up and awake hours ago but his sleep had been restless, confined to one side of the bed and determined to stay on his half, and he must have overslept again.

Glancing over to the other side of the room, Viktor saw that Yuuri’s suitcase was still there even if the man himself was gone and the spot he had occupied on the other side of the bed was already growing cold. Pulling himself out of bed, Viktor stuck his head out of the bedroom door but there was no sign of Yuuri, only Makkachin lounging happily on the couch. Yuuri must have already left for practice then.

Since it was still early enough that he wasn’t immediately needed at the rink, Viktor pulled on his running gear and clipped on Makkachin’s lead, following their usual routes until they were both panting for breath. Afterwards he returned home for a quick shower and grabbed his skating gear again, ready for another day at the rink. It would be his last in Moscow for this season. The next day was the last day before the final and Yakov had given all his skaters the day off to be able to focus solely on Georgi. 

The snow had finally begun to properly melt, the ice thawing and the roads clearing and it made the journey to and from the rink much easier. Just like the day before he left early when training was done, bidding his rinkmates goodbye and making his way back home as quickly as he could.

When he arrived at the apartment he pushed the door open quietly, not quite sure what to expect. Yuuri might have taken Makkachin out on another walk, or he might not have returned from practicing himself yet. Or he might have left. Viktor was fully aware how fragile the situation was. Yuuri had shown no interest in sleeping with him and seemed constantly hesitant around him now that he was living in Viktor’s home. Viktor enjoyed Yuuri’s presence, enjoyed it immensely, but even he could see how they had been dancing around each other, neither quite sure how to act in such a domestic setting. At any point, Yuuri might decide to find another place to stay and leave.

As soon as the door swung open however, Viktor realised that Yuuri hadn’t left, at least not yet. The sound of quiet conversation filled the apartment, Yuuri’s voice mingling with the tiny echo coming from the speaker of a phone.

The words were incomprehensible to Viktor’s ears. His Japanese might have improved slightly since the last time he had heard Yuuri speak it but it was nowhere near good enough to pick up the fast-paced conversation between Yuuri and whoever was on the other end of the phone, still limited to a few basic phrases.

The words flowed from Yuuri’s mouth like water, harsh sounding and yet soft at the same time. His years living in America had given him almost flawless English, far better than Viktor’s own, but he sounded far more relaxed talking in his native tongue, the syllables twisting through the air without pause or hesitation. Even if he couldn’t understand the words, Viktor could still admire them, along with the way that Yuuri sounded when he spoke. It was different to hearing him speak English, different and exciting.

Suddenly, Viktor realised that he was still hovering half inside the door, letting the heat from the apartment seep out as he listened. From the other side of the room he heard Yuuri offer a word of thanks, one of the few things he could recognise, followed by what sounded like a name. Stepping fully through the doorway, Viktor closed it with a sharp click and watched the way that Yuuri’s eyes shot up to meet his at the sound.

Makkachin, whose head had been resting comfortably in Yuuri’s lap, looked  up at the sound too. With a loud bark of excitement he bolted across the room and Viktor caught him with a smile, scratching behind his ears fondly before slipping off his jacket and he shoes and tucking them away. As he did so, he heard Yuuri utter a few last words before ending the call, slipping his phone back into he pocket after he was done.

“Who were you talking to?” Viktor asked, curious.

“My sister,” Yuuri replied, the edges of a smile curling at the corner of his lips as he said the words.

Walking further into the room, Viktor was about to ask more before a sudden scent hit his nose. Wafting gently from the kitchen, a familiar aroma and yet completely unexpected here and now of all places. Looking around quickly for the source of the smell he noticed a simmering pot on his little-used stove, bubbling away quietly and filling the room with the scent of cooking food.

“I made some food,” Yuuri said, hastening to stand up, his hands digging tightly into the surface of the table as he did so. “Since you paid for dinner last night and you’re letting me stay here and I thought I might as well make you something in return to say thank you and…”

He trailed off, words fading as colour crept into his cheeks which were already flushed from the warmth of the apartment. Viktor just stared, a lump already beginning to form in his throat.

Just a few minutes previously, he had been thinking about how hesitant Yuuri had seemed, how there was still distance between them as they tried to adjust to this new domestic setting where neither of the knew quite how to act, quite how to fit together like this. And now he had come home to find that Yuuri had cooked him food.

Not just ordered food in like Viktor had but honest to god cooked it. Viktor could see the empty tubs of ingredients lined up neatly on the side ready to be disposed of, the freshly washed cooking utensils on the draining board. It had been a long, long time since Viktor had eaten anything home cooked, anything other than food from restaurants or, when he was desperate, pre-made.

It was unnecessary and it was perfect. Yuuri was the guest in the house and there had been no obligation for him to do it but he had done it anyway. Just for Viktor.

“You don’t have to eat it,” Yuuri said quickly, noticing Viktor silence. His hands had left the table and were now twisting together as he spoke, nails digging into flesh.

“What, no!” Viktor exclaimed, shaking himself out of his reverie. There was nothing on earth that was going to stop him from eating a meal that Yuuri had cooked for them both to enjoy, even if it turned out to be the worst food he had ever tasted. Yuuri had tried and had done it to be kind and that was all that mattered to him. “It smells wonderful Yuuri. Thank you.”

He put emphasis on the final words, wanting to convince Yuuri of his sincerity. It seemed to work because Yuuri relaxed a little, a small smile creeping back onto his face as Viktor moved closer, inhaling deeply.

“What did you make?” he asked, trying to put his finger on the scent. It was familiar, so familiar, and yet a little different all the same. “It smells very familiar.”

“Borscht.” Yuuri replied, coming to stand near to him, close but not quite touching. “You told me once that you used to eat it when you got back to Russia after competing because it reminded you of home but that you couldn’t cook it yourself. I didn’t know what other food you liked to eat and I thought since you had qualified for the final and all you might like some.”

The words made Viktor still in shock again, something that he seemed to have been doing a lot that evening.

It had been a conversation of years past, a passing mention when they were still testing the waters around each other. When Yuuri was still pained from injury and Viktor was still full of guilt and feeling his resolve to stay away from Yuuri slowly crumbling. It wasn’t his favourite meal but it was the one that reminded him most of home, a comfort food when being away from Russia used to make him feel so desperately homesick.

And Yuuri had remembered. Had remembered and had tried to make it for Viktor, the only food that he knew that Viktor liked. Maybe as a thank you for letting him stay, maybe just as a simple gesture of kindness but he had done it with no other intention than to do something for Viktor. To make him happy.

“You remember that?” Viktor said, his voice coming out a little choked. He remembered the conversation, of course he did. He remembered all the time that he had spent with Yuuri. But he had never realised that Yuuri remembered them all too, even times like that where he didn’t gain anything and they didn’t end up in bed together. Remembered all the way down to the little details that Viktor had told him about his life.

“Yes?” Yuuri said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Then he hastened to add more. “It probably won’t taste right since I’ve never made it before and I don’t speak Russian so I wasn’t sure if I was buying the right ingredients so you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to.”

All of it was said in one quick breath and he was back to looking unsure again, as if there was even the slightest possibility that Viktor would refuse. The thought was almost laughable.

“I’m sure it will taste fine,” Viktor told him, smiling reassuringly and watching as Yuuri finally fully relaxed. His hair was a little messy from what must have been the heat of the stove and his cheeks were slightly flushed with warmth. Viktor wanted to take out his phone and capture a picture of the moment forever.

His stomach chose that exact moment to clench in hunger, the smell of the food reminding him how hungry he really was after a hard day of training.

“When will it be ready do you think?” he asked and Yuuri pulled out his phone again, glancing down at the screen.

“About now probably.” he answered. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving.” Viktor grinned. After the way that Yuuri had eaten last night, he was sure that Yuuri was too. After burning so much energy on the ice, eating was always a top priority when he came home, even if he did still have to be careful of the type of calories he consumed. “I always am after a day of training.”

Yuuri laughed at that, the sound bright and almost musical as he nodded in agreement. Turning back into the kitchen area he pulled open a drawer and began to collect two sets of cutlery from within. Following his lead, Viktor dug out two bowls and a mat, allowing Yuuri to bring the large pot over to rest in the centre of the table. Trying to remember where he kept all his little-used cooking utensils, Viktor finally dug a ladle out of one of the many cupboards and used it to scoop a healthy portion of the soup into each of their bowls.

Grabbing his spoon he scooped up a mouthful, aware of Yuuri’s eyes watching him closely as he did so. The familiar taste hit his tongue immediately, so similar to what he was used to and yet subtly different all the same. Something unique, something essentially Yuuri mixed in with the traditional dish, turning it into something comforting and yet exciting at the same time.

“Delicious!” he exclaimed, his excitement making him temporarily forget to speak in English around Yuuri. Quickly he rectified the mistake, switching back to their shared language.  “Yuuri, this is delicious.”

Yuuri had said that he had never made the dish before and yet he had done a wonderful job of recreating it, with just enough hesitance at the unfamiliar recipe to deviate slightly from the recipe and add his own twist to the food. At Viktor’s praise he smiled widely, flushing a little under the compliment and taking his own mouthful.

“Do you like it?” Viktor asked eagerly. Yuuri swallowed, looking contemplative for a few seconds before answering.

“It’s…different,” he said, tongue darting out to lick the last trace of the liquid off his lips as he evaluated the flavour. “But I like it.”

The last part was said with a smile and he took another mouthful, swallowing quicker this time before tucking in in earnest. Viktor watched him, spoon half-way to his mouth but left unmoving in the air.

“It’ll never compare to Kastudon though,” Yuuri added with a laugh, tone teasing and Viktor laughed with him, the last of the awkwardness between them finally melting away.

“Maybe I should be the judge of that,” he joked, finally bringing he spoon up to his mouth to take another sip. “To make it a fair competition.”

“You should try it sometime,” Yuuri agreed with a smile and Viktor nodded, trying to calm the sudden leap his heart had made at the words. It was nothing and it meant nothing. Just some light teasing and idle chat. He needed to remember that.

“How was your training,” Yuuri asked after a few more seconds of eating, looking interested.

“Good,” Viktor replied vaguely, casting his mind back over the day which had blurred into one long stream of endless skating. “Yakov mostly left me to do what I wanted today so that he could focus on Georgi. He’ll be competing in the Cup too.”

“I know,” Yuuri nodded. “Most of the skaters competing have already arrived. I saw a few of them at the rink today. The one from America, Leo I think? He’s just moved up from the Juniors. And there’s a Czech skater I’ve never competed against before but I heard that his quads are good. It’ll be a tough competition this year.”

Viktor nodded, although he didn’t know which skaters Yuuri was talking about. Over the years he had become more and more distant from the younger skaters until nearly all of them were completely unfamiliar to him.

“It’s nothing you can’t handle,” Viktor replied, thinking over the rest of the line-up that he knew. “Georgi is determined to medal this year but his programs could be stronger. And while Cao’s been in the game nearly as long as me, he’s started to slow down a little over the years.  Although it’s Müller’s last season so he’ll be determined.”

Surprisingly, Yuuri’s face seemed to fall a little at the words and he went back to eating his food in silence for a few minutes before Viktor broke it again.

“There’s been a lot of excitement over your new routines this year,” he prompted and Yuuri looked up again, expression a little startled. “It’s an interesting theme for you and there was a lot of talk around your costumes.”

Yuuri spluttered at that, choking on his mouthful of food and hiding his face briefly before mumbling, “It was Celestino’s idea.”

Viktor had seen the promotional photos of Yuuri for the upcoming season and had nearly dropped his phone. Whatever Celestino had been thinking when he had chosen Yuuri’s theme, a lot of people were thanking him.

“I don’t even have my costumes yet anyway,” Yuuri sighed, looking downtrodden and Viktor sat up, confused. “They were in my lost suitcase.” Yuuri added and Viktor gave a soft hum of sympathy.

“There’s still time for them to arrive,” he said comfortingly and Yuuri nodded, eyes still downcast. “And whatever you wear, it can’t be worse than Georgi’s costume this year.”

At that Yuuri laughed, brightening up again as he glanced up at Viktor in amusement.

“It can’t be that bad!” he exclaimed and Viktor shook his head, insisting.

“I swear it can,” he joked, thinking back over to the outfits that his rink-mate had chosen for this theme of ‘Eternal Love’ this year. Yakov had long since given up trying to reel Georgi in when it came to costume choice and no-one had been able to steer him away from some of the more outlandish options.

“There is…a lot of glitter.”

Yuuri laughed again, covering his mouth to try and hide his amusement but failing miserably.

“I hate glitter,” he confessed, a smile still pulling at the corner of his lips. “Phichit once covered me in it for Halloween and I was picking it out of my hair for weeks!”

“It sounds like there’s a story behind that one,” Viktor joked and Yuuri went bright red.

“I lost a bet and he got to choose my costume for that year,” he mumbled but refused to elaborate. Viktor made a mental note that if he ever found the opportunity, he would ask Phichit Chulanont for the full story. Anything that made Yuuri blush that red was surely an entertaining tale to hear.

“I once lost a bet to an older rink-mate when I was still in the Juniors about who could jump the most quads in one program,” he admitted, wanting to hear Yuuri laugh again. “He got to choose my music for one exhibition performance in reward.”

Yuuri gasped, his eyes widening as he snorted out a laugh. “Is that the year that you skated to Britney Spears during the Russian Nationals?” he asked through his laugher.

Viktor startled for a second but then brushed the surprise away. It had been a very long time ago, probably before Yuuri had even started competing. For a second Viktor had been surprised that Yuuri knew about it but the surprise was misplaced. The incident was notorious, as were a lot of his more…inventive exhibition skates, and most skating fans and skaters had seen, or at least heard about it.

“Yes,” he confirmed and watched as Yuuri snorted again before looking mortified and trying to hide his laughter. When he tried to apologise for laughing, Viktor waved it away with a smile.

“I told everyone that year that I was trying something new, doing it for the shock value from the audience,” he added, smiling fondly at the memory. “But I lied. And now you know the truth.”

He finished his last statement with a wink and Yuuri’s blush turned a little darker even as he forced his laughter down.

“I’ll never tell a soul,” he swore with mock severity, voice now light and teasing. It was such a contrast to the Yuuri of before, hesitant and shy and keeping such a careful distance between them. This Yuuri was easy to laugh and not afraid to tease and Viktor loved him all the more for it.

“I got my revenge on him eventually though,” he added, just to see Yuuri smile and smile Yuuri did.

“I did the same with Phichit,” he confessed, eyes bright with amusement. “We used to have prank wars all the time until Celestino finally banned it. One time, after he was teasing me about falling on a jump, I convinced him that I had hit my head so hard that I had forgotten how to speak English. He spent the whole day frantically trying to translate what I was saying and mime out everything until I finally broke and told him.”

There was a wicked glint of humour in Yuuri’s eyes, very at odds with the persona he portrayed on the ice. There he was cool and composed and perfectly untouchable. And off it he was earnest and a little shy, but kind all the same. But here, he was opening up to Viktor and Viktor could see a new side of Yuuri that he must only show around his friend, with a mischievous streak and a wicked sense of humour to match. Willing to play pranks on Phichit Chulanont and tease Viktor over his past mistakes and it was a beautiful sight to behold.

“I’m sure your coach loved that one,” he joked and Yuuri nodded, smile turning a little self-deprecating.

“He threatened to ban us from practicing together for a week if we didn’t stop distracting each other,” he admitted, but his tone was fond. “But I don’t think he was being serious. He once told me he was glad Phichit was around to force me to have fun when I work too hard.”

Viktor knew all too well about coaches worrying about working too hard. Yakov might insist he train brutally hard during the day but he was often the one who sent Viktor home at night, insisting the he didn’t spend his whole life at the rink and forcing him to take rest days even when Viktor insisted that he didn’t need them. It was irritating sometimes but he knew that Yakov’s heart was in the right place when he banned Viktor from the rink, frustrating as it was.

“He does joke that he regrets introducing the two of us sometimes,” Yuuri added, still smiling fondly and Viktor laughed.

“Yakov once said the same about Georgi and I,” he replied, thinking back through the years to when they had both been very young and a lot more stupid. “I used to encourage his more…interesting fashion choices.” he laughed at the memory. “But then again, he said the same about me meeting Chris. I think he thinks I’m a bad influence on people.”

“Are you?” Yuuri asked, raising an eyebrow and Viktor shook his head with a grin.

“Chris might have been cute and innocent when I first met him but he became like that all on his own.” He declared and Yuuri laughed again, one eyebrow raised in mock disbelief.

After that, the conversation flowed easily. As they ate they swapped more stories about friends and rink-mates, both of them laughing and joking freely at some of the more outrageous ones. As they did so Yuuri refilled both of their bowls, Viktor tucking into a second helping of the delicious food with glee.

It was so easy, so natural. It seemed like they had finally clicked, had finally gotten passed the initial awkwardness and Yuuri’s careful hesitance and distance. Something about the meal and the atmosphere had finally broken down that barrier. Now Yuuri was being so casually open, telling Viktor stories about his life with ease and listening intently as Viktor replied in kind. It was so different to what Viktor was used to. Coming home late, eating alone. Instead Yuuri was here, filling Viktor apartment up with laughter and the smell of home-cooked food, talking and smiling with him so casually, as though the hatred and rivalry that Viktor knew still existed in his heart had finally faded away.

Yuuri laughed at another one of Viktor’s stories, an unattractive snort as he tried to stifle his amusement while Viktor hid his smile in another mouthful of food when it suddenly hit him. Fast and painful and completely inescapable.

He wanted Yuuri to stay.

To stay here, with him, in this apartment. To be there when Viktor came home from training, or for Viktor to be there waiting for Yuuri to come home instead. To cook more meals like the one he had just made and to teach Viktor how to do the same. He would learn for Yuuri. Now that he would finally have a reason for doing so, someone at home to try and please and spoil, he would learn it and use it just to make Yuuri smile. And Makkachin loved Yuuri, Yuuri could join them on their morning runs and afternoon walks. He just wanted Yuuri to be around, with his ability to turn the emptiness of Viktor apartment into somewhere filled with happiness like he was doing now. Simply by existing here, Yuuri had already managed to change everything and Viktor desperately wanted for it to continue.

It was almost cruel, that the world had given him this when he already knew that it could never last.

It was a tiny taste of what he had once desperately craved and had now forced himself to give up on. What being with Yuuri, really being with him, would be like. Light teasing and fast humour combined with shy blushes and bright smiles. Home-cooked food and company that felt so easy and natural. Training during the day, both of them living their days for the ice and coming home at night to each other.

But it could never be. Yuuri had made it explicitly clear exactly what he wanted from Viktor and that he wanted nothing else. And Viktor had hoped and hoped until his glass heart shattered and he had finally realised that he couldn’t have what he most wanted. Couldn’t make Yuuri fall in love with him, couldn’t fix whatever was broken between them when Yuuri refused to tell him what it was. He had been placing far too many expectations on Yuuri, had wanted more than he could ever have, more than Yuuri was ever willing to offer, and then been hurt when he realised it would never be. And so finally he had accepted what they little had and forced himself to be content with that. Yuuri didn’t want more and that was a fact he had to learn to live with.

This time together, it was only making it harder. And it would only leave him feeling all the more empty when Yuuri left again, so soon now. Only a few more days.

But even with that realisation, he couldn’t help himself from clinging to it. From revelling in Yuuri’s every smile and laugh, from cherishing every second they spent together, all the more precious because the time was so limited. He would take what he could now and keep the memories with him when it was gone.

Instead of voicing any of his thoughts out loud he simply continued to smile, watching as Yuuri’s face lit up as he told another story, confidence growing with every word. When they were finally finished eating they continued chatting casually as they cleared up, Viktor scrubbing the pot out in the sink while Yuuri cleared the side and loaded the dishwasher again. It was very easy, working around each other naturally until they were finally finished and the kitchen was spotless again.

After the cleaning was done, Viktor walked over to the single couch and flopped down, making sure to keep his feet off this time to give Yuuri room to sit. But instead of walking over, Yuuri was still hovering in the kitchen, glancing at Viktor awkwardly but not moving any closer.

“Do you have anything you want to do this evening?” Viktor prompted, wondering if Yuuri was waiting for something.

“Don’t let me interrupt your routine.” Yuuri replied quickly, shifting slightly where he could, one of his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he did so. “What do you normally do?”

 “Nothing much.” He replied. “Training during the day. Then I usually just come back here and relax. Read, watch TV. Sometimes I go out drinking.”

He often stayed late enough at the rink during the skating season that there wasn’t much time to do anything else. On his off days it was mostly the same, quiet days in with Makkachin and then sometimes out at night to bars for a drink. Nothing particularly special and interesting on a normal day with no events to go to.

Still a little hesitant, Yuuri made his way over to the couch and perched lightly on the other end, hands folded into his lap and sitting up straight. Sensing that Yuuri was back to keeping his distance again Viktor made room, shuffling closer to the other end to give Yuuri space to stretch out.

“Please just do whatever you normally would then,” Yuuri told him, glancing over with an earnest look in his eyes. For a second Viktor looked at him but Yuuri seemed completely genuine in his insistence and so Viktor grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, hoping it would prove relaxing enough for them both to help unwind after a tiring day.

The channel it had opened on was one of his favourites, filled with the trashy soap operas Chris always teased him about enjoying. It was just mindless entertainment, something to enjoy that required little thought. But the actors were all speaking in fast-paced Russian and Viktor turned to Yuuri, not wanting him to feel left out.

“Do you want to watch something in English?” he asked Yuuri but Yuuri just shook his head. He seemed to relax a bit, sinking back down into the couch and pulling out his phone, flicking through it casually and gradually shifting from sitting pressed up in one corner of the couch to moving towards the middle.

It was nice, having Yuuri’s warm presence beside him while they both relaxed after a day of training. As he settled back into the couch, Viktor stretched out his legs with a sigh, taking note of the painful redness of his feet and the ache in his knees and back. When he had been younger, he had been able to bounce back easily from practice but now his body was beginning to protest more and more to the strain.

While he was watching the TV, a though suddenly struck him and he pulled out his phone quickly. Something Yuuri had said over the meal had made him think and he dealt with it quickly before clicking off his phone again and looking over at where Yuuri was still fixated on his. Hopefully his precautions wouldn’t be necessary but it was worth it just to be safe. Yuuri would need a costume to skate in after all.

As the evening wore on, Yuuri gradually began to look at his phone less, glancing up at the television screen more and more until he finally gave up completely, staring at the screen with a frown of concentration on his face. As he had relaxed more and more he had stretched out as well, bruised feet matching Viktor’s as they sat together and the heat of his body radiating across the increasingly small distance between them.

As Yuuri watched, his eyebrows furrowed and he frowned at the screen. It seemed that he was trying to follow along with the story but while the actors body language was clear, they were still speaking in rapid-fire Russian that Viktor knew Yuuri would be unable to understand.

Quietly, he began to translate, speaking the words in English a few seconds behind the actors on the screen. The dialogue was a little ridiculous and some of the phrases translated badly but he was able to give Yuuri the general gist of what was going on. Yuuri looked over at him worriedly as he began speaking but after a few seconds he smiled again, a thankful expression spreading across his face.

They sat together for a while longer, Viktor translating for Yuuri and Yuuri alternating between watching the screen and watching Viktor’s lips as they moved. Eventually, Yuuri’s eyes left the screen altogether and focused solely on Viktor as he spoke, he expression one full of concentration.

Finally as the night drew in, Yuuri began to yawn and Viktor turned off the TV, feeling the beginnings of tiredness start to creep up on him too.

“Ready for bed?” he asked, stifling a yawn of his own and Yuuri nodded, getting up from the couch and padding quietly towards the bedroom. Viktor followed, watching as Yuuri grabbed his sleep clothes and washbag from his suitcase and slipped silently into the bathroom. After the door was closed, Viktor pulled off his own clothes and walked around the bed to find his sleepwear.

He was almost fully dressed, with his shirt over his head as he pulled it down, when he heard a quick click and slam of the bathroom door opening and closing very quickly. Pulling his shirt down to free his eyes and cover the rest of his torso he looked over to the door curiously but it remained resolutely shut for almost a minute more before Yuuri finally walked out again, now dressed in his loose-fitting sleep clothing with his washbag tucked under his arm and a light flush on the very tips of his ears. 

It seemed almost normal by now, to climb into bed with Yuuri by his side. Yuuri still stuck rigidly to his own side of the bed while he was awake and Viktor mirrored him on the other, but despite the space between them he could still sense Yuuri there, could still see and feel him and the warm weight of another body by his side was comforting.

“Goodnight Viktor,” Yuuri mumbled, ears still a little red and with his face half buried in the blankets.

“Goodnight Yuuri,” Viktor responded and Yuuri looked up at him, one of his now familiar small smiles on his face. They were quiet and private and something that Viktor had wanted for so long and now finally had, regardless of anything else.

Despite Yuuri looking more tired than he did, Viktor was the first to fall asleep. Finally succumbing to the tiredness with Yuuri’s eyes on his face, their bodies far apart but their eyes fixed on each other.

When Viktor woke again that night, it was because he was freezing cold. Sometime after he had fallen asleep, Yuuri had managed to roll himself into all of the bedcovers, creating what looked to be a very warm little cocoon had Viktor not been stuck outside of it.

“Yuuri,” Viktor mumbled, still half asleep, half-heartedly tugging on one edge of the blankets and trying coax Yuuri into surrendering them. Yuuri Katsuki was beautiful and amazing and a thousand other wonderful things but he was also a terrible blanket thief.

 It had never seemed to be a problem before but then again, that was before they had started to sleep far apart. Before Yuuri had come to stay, he had always ended up in Viktor’s arms during the night, holding onto him in his sleep, unconsciously seeking out the warmth of his skin. But then he had come here and shied away from Viktor, made it clear that he wanted Viktor to keep his distance. And it seemed when he had no-one to hold onto, Yuuri sought out the next best thing and wrapped himself in every blanket his sleeping body could find.

He looked adorable, bundled up with only his head poking out of the top of the bundle of blankets he had created around himself but Viktor was also cold and he needed the covers back.

“Yuuuuuri,” he half whispered, half whined, tugging a little more forcefully at one corner of the blankets. Gradually he was able to pry some of it away from the sleeping body next to him. Yuuri mumbled a little as Viktor did so but he didn’t wake up, just shifted as Viktor finally pulled away enough of the duvet to cover himself again. Wrapping it securely around his body and pinning it beneath him to avoid another night-time theft, Viktor turned back around to lie facing Yuuri again.

Even though he was still asleep, Yuuri seemed to be pouting a little at the sudden loss of warmth and things to hold on to. The expression, combined with his sleep ruffled hair and slightly oversized sleeping shirt that had slipped down over one shoulder again, made a quiet laugh bubble out of Viktor’s chest and his insides fill with warmth at the sight.

Who would have thought it all those years ago. Yuuri Katsuki, mysterious and elusive heartthrob of the skating world. Notorious for his burning hatred of Viktor and someone who would never give Viktor more than a passing glare, if that. That same Yuuri Katsuki, cooking food for him, playing with his dog and watching cheesy Russian soap operas together. Stealing all his blankets because it seemed that he couldn’t sleep at night without cuddling something.

Somehow, for some inexplicable reason, he might have lost Yuuri’s desire. Yuuri still seemed a little hesitant around him, still kept his distance. But he hoped that someday he might regain it again. And in the meantime, he had this.

It wouldn’t last but nothing ever did. What mattered was now, was this moment. And in this moment, Viktor was happy.

Yuuri huffed out a little snore, nose scrunching up slightly as he slept on and Viktor closed his eyes, letting his breathing fall back into a gentle rhythm to match Yuuri’s own. Together they breathed in sync, quietly into the night.

Finally Viktor fell asleep again, lulled by the sound of Yuuri’s breathing and the heat of Yuuri's body by his side. Still lying apart but closer than they had been since Yuuri had arrived, with their fingers almost touching.

Chapter Text

When Viktor awoke the next day Yuuri was still fast asleep, breathing softly in the cold light of the early morning. Makkachin was lying on the bed as well and he perked up as soon as he heard Viktor move. Reaching out, Viktor gave him a quick rub behind the ears before sitting up fully, stretching and feeling his back crack as he did so.

Sliding quietly from the bed so as not to disturb Yuuri he wandered through into the main room, not wanting to shower yet in case the noise of the water woke his sleeping companion. There wasn’t much point anyway, there was no training today and he was in no rush.

Makkachin followed him into the room and Viktor dug through one of the cupboards, pulling out the bag of dog food and filling Makkachin’s bowl before turning to the fridge himself. It was only then that he realised that there was absolutely nothing for him to eat. He usually grabbed breakfast on the way to the rink and ordered dinner in, he hadn’t stocked up on any real food since he had arrived in Moscow.

Sighing, he pulled open the door of the fridge a little mournfully, hoping there was at least something edible to be found and not just the bottles of vodka he remembered keeping there previously.

But instead of being greeted by the empty shelves that he was expecting, the fridge was instead full of food. Fresh vegetables and basic ingredients, breakfast food and enough to make lunches and dinner as well for at least the next two days. And sitting in the centre was a large bowl filled with leftover borscht. Viktor must have missed Yuuri storing it away last night but it was sitting in pride of place, a little note lying beside it reading ‘for Viktor’.

Viktor whipped his head around, staring at the closed door where Yuuri was still sleeping and then back to the fridge again. Yuuri must have gone grocery shopping while he had been buying the ingredients for the borscht last night and paid for it out of his own pocket.

As if sensing Viktor’s thoughts, there was a light creak from the bedroom door as it swung open to reveal Yuuri, awake but sleep-ruffled and tired. He was still dressed in his sleep clothes, the oversized t-shirt once again slipping down to reveal an expanse of skin on his bare shoulder. His hair was messy and as he exited the bedroom he stifled a yawn with the back of his hand, looking up and startling a little when he saw Viktor staring at him.

“You bought food,” Viktor said stupidly and Yuuri blinked at him a little as his sleepy mind tried to register what Viktor had just said.

“Yes?” he said hesitantly, sounding confused at Viktor’s statement. “Your fridge was empty yesterday so I bought you some more things since I was buying ingredients anyway. You’re letting me stay here, it’s the least that I could do.”

“You didn’t have to,” Viktor began but Yuuri just cut him off with a shrug and a small smile.

“I wanted to,” he told Viktor.

“At least let me pay you back,” Viktor offered and Yuuri shook his head, looking a little offended.

“I’m staying here for free, I don’t have to pay for a hotel and you bought all the food on the first night,” he argued, face set in an expression of stubborn determination. “Let me do this at least.”

Deciding there was no point arguing and with his heart still making little leaps of joy at Yuuri’s gesture, he just nodded in agreement.

“Thank you Yuuri,” he told the other man and Yuuri smiled back, a slight quirk of his lips but there all the same. Walking over, he came to stand next to Viktor by the fridge, pulling out some of the food there and then stepping back to allow Viktor to do the same. They both organised their meals in comfortable silence before sitting down at the table opposite each other to eat.

“You’re not at training today are you?” Yuuri asked and Viktor shook his head, swallowing his mouthful as he did so.

“No, Yakov’s just focusing on Georgi today,” he told Yuuri and Yuuri nodded in understanding.

Yuuri almost looked as though he was going to speak again before his phone chimed with a distinctive ping from the pocket of his loose sleep trousers. Fumbling around for a second, Yuuri pulled it out and then glanced down at the screen, face going pale at whatever he saw there.

“What is it?” Viktor asked worriedly and Yuuri took a deep breath, swallowing heavily before putting the phone away again.

“It’s nothing,” he said but his words were unconvincing and Viktor could tell that he was lying. Whatever the message had been, it hadn’t been good. But Yuuri’s face was closing off again and Viktor decided not to push for an answer, much as he wanted to with his curiosity and his worry piqued.

They ate the rest of the meal in silence, Yuuri’s eyes downcast and his shoulders tense. Worry was rolling off him in waves and he looked distracted even as they cleared up the dishes and retreated to get ready for the day. Just before Yuuri stepped into the bathroom Viktor caught his arm, clearing his throat before speaking.

“Yuuri,” he started, not sure how the other man would react but hoping that Yuuri wouldn’t take it in the wrong way. “Why don’t you take the day off for today?”

Yuuri startled at that, looking at Viktor in surprise but Viktor pressed on. Whatever had upset Yuuri that morning had thrown him completely off and it wasn’t something a skater could afford the day before a competition. Better for Yuuri to take time to clear his head rather than letting whatever it was affect his skating.

“You’ve practiced hard, you can afford a day off the ice to prepare.” Viktor added and, to his utter surprise, Yuuri nodded without a word of protest. He still looked distracted, his eyes lost in thought, but he agreed all the same.

All throughout the morning Yuuri remained distracted, looking more worried as the time ticked on. Viktor didn’t know what to do to help, but there was at least one thing that always helped him calm his own mind when he wasn’t skating.

“Why don’t you take Makkachin for a walk?” he suggested and Yuuri nodded, flashing him a grateful look.

“I’d like that,” he replied after a second and Viktor grinned, glad that they finally had a goal in mind. Off days were always hard, figuring out what to do with his life when skating was no longer an option.

“We can tour around the city,” he suggested, walking over to the door to pick up Makkachin’s lead and collar from where they had been hanging. “You haven’t seen much of Moscow before have you?”

“We?” Yuuri asked and Viktor stopped, turning around to look at him curiously. Yuuri didn’t elaborate any further on the question though, just hastily moved on.

“I’ve only ever been here a few times before,” he told Viktor. “And always for skating. I’ve never really been around the city.”

“Well it’s about time you went then,” Viktor exclaimed. They could spend all day walking around Moscow and still only see a fraction of the city. It would be a good excuse to spend the day out with Yuuri and Makkachin and also a good way to try and take Yuuri’s mind off whatever seemed to be troubling him.

Leaning down he fixed the lead and collar onto Makkachin, the dog bouncing excitedly at the prospect of a walk. Beside him, Yuuri walked over to the door and pulled on his boots, shrugging his jacket over his shoulders once he was done. When Makkachin was ready Viktor did the same, making sure to pull on his hat and warm black leather gloves as well. The snow might finally be beginning to thaw but the air all around the city was still briskly cold.

“Ready to go?” he asked Yuuri and Yuuri nodded, pushing the door open and leading the way down the flights of stairs and out into the street. Once they were outside, Viktor handed Makkachin’s lead over to Yuuri and Yuuri bent down, giving Makkachin a few good scratches behind his ears before they set off.

Makkachin knew Moscow well, not as well as St Petersburg but still well enough to start walking the familiar routes they usually took for their morning runs automatically. Yuuri followed, letting the dog take the lead and Viktor walked after them both, content to go wherever Yuuri wanted.

As they walked he started pointing out certain features of the city. Places he had been to, famous buildings, statues with a deeper, historical meaning. All mixed in with a few anecdotes about some of his own personal memories of the city.

Yuuri laughed the hardest when they passed one of the clubs that he and Chris had been banned from in their youth, Viktor telling the story with a smile. It was long, convoluted and still slightly blurry from time and the alcohol they had consumed when the memories were being made but Yuuri still listened intently as Viktor recounted some of the finer moments.

For a few hours they wandered aimlessly, Viktor commenting on things they saw as Yuuri either focused on his words or on Makkachin still padding in front of them. Eventually, Viktor began to steer Yuuri towards some of the less residential areas, into the heart of the city where they were suddenly surrounded by the hustle and bustle of tourists and locals alike.

While it was unlikely they would be recognised in the crowd, Viktor still pulled his hat lower over his ears, obscuring all of his distinctive silver hair from view. Very few people knew he was in Moscow so it was unlikely there would be fans on the hunt for him. Yuuri was more at risk of that here than he was. Although Yuuri too was probably safe for now, with a beanie jammed firmly over his head and his thick, blue framed glasses changing the shape of his face, making him look so different to how he presented himself on the ice. And surrounded by tourist it was much easier for the two of them to blend in, just two more people in a crowd of diverse faces, all chattering in a mess of different languages as they walked.

Usually, Viktor wouldn’t be intimidated at all by the thought of being spotted by fans. It happened regularly enough and he often enjoyed the attention. But for now, he desperately hoped that they would stay away. Tomorrow was the competition which would mean that Yuuri would leave soon after. He wanted to savour the last of the time with him that he could before he left again.

Eventually, the two of them passed a series of street stalls, the aroma of freshly cooked food wafting in the air around them, and Yuuri’s stomach gave a very audible rumble.

“What are those?” he asked curiously, pointing at one of the stalls were a couple were standing and happily munching on their newly purchased food. The crescent moon shaped turnovers sat neatly in rows and Yuuri’s stomach rumbled again. At the sound he flushed red but Viktor just laughed and guided him over to the stall.

“Chebureki,” he said, pointing to the ones on display. “Do you want one?”

“Yes,” Yuuri said, looking happy. Then his eyes widened as Viktor pulled out his wallet.

“No, Viktor!” he exclaimed, looking embarrassed again. “I can pay for my own food. You don’t have to.”

“Like you said this morning, I want to,” he replied with a wink, brushing off Yuuri’s protests and ordering two of the turnovers from the teenager manning the stall. They exchanged money and the food and he turned back to hand one to Yuuri, who took it with a word of thanks, still looking a little embarrassed.

His expression changed however when he bit into the food, turning into one of contentment as he chewed happily. Viktor watched him with a smile, almost forgetting about the chebureki in his own hand.

After they finished eating they began walking again, Viktor pointing out some of the better areas to go and Yuuri occasionally stopping to look at a particular building or statue that caught his interest.

While Yuuri was looking at the city, Viktor was looking at him. Some of his earlier worry and tension seemed to have faded away and he was wandering along happily, eyes flicking this way and that as he studied the city around him. Moscow was beautiful, Viktor had always thought so. A little different from St Petersburg and he would never associate it with home the same way but it was beautiful nonetheless.

And it was all the more beautiful through Yuuri’s eyes. Watching Yuuri look at the city gave him a new and fresh perspective on it all and it filled him with wonder all over again. And having Yuuri here, walking Makkachin, being guided around a Russian city by Viktor as he admired its sights, that wasn’t something that Viktor ever wanted to forget.

Yuuri stopped again, an intrigued look crossing his face as he looked up at a particularly impressive monument. Makkachin stayed close by his leg, occasionally butting his head up into Yuuri’s hand, looking for some more petting which Yuuri gave instantly. They were surrounded by tourists, all taking photographs of the monument and each other and it gave Viktor an idea.

Quickly he brought out his phone, flicking it to the camera setting and snapping a photo. The electronic click of the camera sounded, audible even amongst the crowds, and Yuuri jumped a little, turning around to look at where Viktor still had the camera out, pointing towards him.

“I thought you might like some tourist photos,” Viktor said as casually as he could. If Yuuri wanted him to delete the picture then he would but he would much prefer to keep it.

 “You were admiring the city but you hadn’t taken any pictures.”

Yuuri looked surprised for a second and then a little ‘oh’ of understanding formed on his lips and his surprise melted into a soft, pleased expression.

“Anyway,” Viktor added. “It’s important to take photos of things you want to remember.”

Yuuri and he, their relationship, everything they were to each other, there was no proof. No solid evidence that it was real, that it had happened. To the public they were enemies, rivals and nothing more. They had no photographs of themselves together like this, no videos, nothing. Nothing but memories in dark rooms and words whispered into the night.

If Yuuri left, when Yuuri left, he would leave Viktor with nothing to remember him by. Just official pictures of them on the podium together, a few news clips and a handful of old routines. Apart from that, Viktor would be left with nothing but memories. And he wanted more than that.

He wanted to remember the way that Yuuri looked when he was happy, the way that his eyes lit up and seemed to sparkle in the evening light. He wanted to remember the way that he petted Makkachin so naturally and the look of adoration Makkachin gave him in return. He wanted to remember Yuuri here, in Russia, with him. The short space of time when they had existed away from the rivalry, away from the public, away from everything that wasn’t just the two of them.

Just a photograph, that was all he wanted. A pair with the one he had taken nearly a year ago, of Yuuri’s jacket simply to remind himself that, for one night at least, Yuuri had come and Yuuri had stayed. And now he had one other, a picture of Yuuri that was for no-one but him, that he could look back on and remember. Physical proof to back up the memories, to remind him that they were true. Yuuri was here. Yuuri was happy. And for a brief moment in time, everything was perfect.

Eventually all good things had to end and as Makkachin began to tire, Yuuri finally suggested that they make their way back to the apartment. Viktor agreed and they began the walk back, chatting aimlessly as they did so until they reached Viktor’s building again.

One of Viktor’s neighbours was heading out of the door as they approached and as they passed him he gave Yuuri and appreciative look, eyes flickering down and back up again to rest on his face. Yuuri, still absorbed in Makkachin, seemed not to notice as they walked through the doors, past the man and up the stairs to the top floor.

When they arrived, they were both stopped short by a towering pile of boxes outside Viktor’s door. Viktor recognises them immediately and reached out to check one of the labels, feeling a surge of relief when he saw that it was exactly what he had expected. Turning back to Yuuri he noted the confused expression on the other man’s face and rushed to explain.

“When you told me your costumes had been lost I wasn’t sure if they would be returned to you in time.” he explained hastily, hoping that he hadn’t overstepped his boundaries. It might have been a little…excessive but the idea had come to him the night before and he had acted with the best of intentions. “I had some of my old things shipped over from St Petersburg in case they didn’t so you still had something to wear at the competition tomorrow.”

By ‘some of his old things’ he actually meant ‘every figure skating costume I own’ but he decided not to mention that part.

Yuuri gazed at Viktor, looking dumbfounded. He swallowed once, twice and then opened his mouth as if to speak, closing it quickly before trying again.

“Thank you,” he said and the words came out a little choked, cracking in the middle and filled with emotion. Yuuri’s eyes were wide and Viktor could see the gratitude shining in them, the way he seemed a little overwhelmed but still so genuine. “Viktor. Thank you so much.”

“Your suitcase hasn’t arrived then yet?” Viktor asked and Yuuri shook his head, letting out a breath of relief that seemed to drain every bit of tension from his frame, leaving his shoulders sagging.

“Then you’d better help me get these inside so that you can choose something to wear.” he added.

“Viktor, really I…I can’t thank you enough,” Yuuri told him as they each grabbed one of the boxes, Viktor unlocking the door and pushing it open to give them both room to enter. Makkachin bounded in first, lead still trailing behind him and Viktor set the box down in the bedroom before chasing after him, catching him and unclipping the lead before it became tangled in any of the furniture. Yuuri set his box down next to Viktor’s and continued.

“That’s what the text was about. This morning,” he clarified. “The airport texted me to tell me that my suitcases wouldn’t arrive for another two days and I was so worried…”

That made a lot of sense. It would explain why Yuuri had been so agitated that morning, so distracted. Missing a costume the morning before a competition was a nightmare of the worst kind. If Yuuri had just told Viktor he could have soothed his fears, told him that he had ordered all of his own costumes fast-shipped from St Petersburg. But it didn’t matter now.

For a few minutes they ducked in and out of the apartment, moving all of the boxes inside until there was a neat stack dominating the bedroom and the hallway was clear. Viktor shut the door and went to grab some scissors from the kitchen, slicing open the bindings holding one of the boxes together and allowing Yuuri to pull the lid open.

When Yuuri reached into the box, the first thing he pulled out was a swathe of black and red. A full body suit with sequins cutting diagonally across the front and scattered across the scarlet upper half. It was a familiar costume, one Viktor had worn only a few years ago. The same one he had worn the year he had broken the world record, the same one he had worn during the World Championships where his and Yuuri’s lives had finally become inescapably tangled together.

There were a lot of memories stored in the boxes, years upon years of them. He reached into the box himself and drew out a familiar tangle of blue and sliver mesh, a costume from his earlier senior days and the costume he had been wearing when he had met Chris for the first time, still wide-eyed and innocent. He could spend hours looking through all of them, reliving memories, but now was not the time.

“I’ll leave you to choose,” he told Yuuri, standing up and forcing himself to resist the urge to delve deeper into the boxes. “They might be a little big but it’s better than nothing.’

That and Yuuri would look fantastic in anything anyway. He could show up to skate his routine in his sweaty practice clothes and the audience would still fall at his feet. And more than that, Viktor felt a thrill at the excitement at the thought of Yuuri in his clothes, at the thought of Yuuri skating and winning in something that Viktor had worn. Like a mark, like a claim.

He stopped that thought before it could go any further and turned towards the door, making his way out of the room.

“I’ll sort out dinner,” he tossed quickly over his shoulder before closing the door with a soft click and leaving Yuuri along with his decisions.

Once he was alone, Viktor wandered over to the fridge and the cupboards, inspecting them for something that he could make relatively easily without his non-existent cooking skills potentially burning the house down. Thankfully, Yuuri seemed to have taken Viktor’s warnings about his lack of culinary talent seriously and there were a variety of easy to cook options, unlike the complicated soup that Yuuri had created the night before.

Deciding that he couldn’t go wrong with pasta, Viktor set about making it, listening all the while for the sound of Yuuri emerging from the bedroom as he did so. After the food was cooked he set it on the table and filled Makkachin’s bowl. Only a couple of minutes later Yuuri finally left the room, walking to sit down with Viktor at the table to begin the meal.

“Did you find something you could use?” Viktor asked as Yuuri took a mouthful. Yuuri nodded in response, swallowing as quickly as he could before elaborating.

“Your junior costumes were the only ones that would fit me,” he explained and Viktor eyed his slimmer frame and narrower shoulders in understanding. “I hung the one I chose up in the wardrobe, I hope that’s alright.”

“Of course,” Viktor took another bite of his own food. It was nothing compared to what Yuuri could do and had required the minimal amount of skill possible but it was edible at least. He almost asked which costume Yuuri had chosen but dismissed the idea. He would see it the next day after all and it would be a nice surprise.

“How are you feeling about the competition tomorrow?” Viktor asked and Yuuri just shrugged, casting his eyes downwards and continuing to eat. When Viktor realised that was likely the only response he was going to get he added. “I’ll be coming to watch. All of my rink-mates will be there to support Georgi.”

‘And I’ll be there to support you’ was what he didn’t say. Yuuri still demanded they be rivals, still wanted that to be the extent of the public knowledge of their situation. No-one could know that Viktor would be watching the competition between his nemesis and his rink-mate and proudly cheering inside when it was Yuuri who would make it to the top of the podium. This was Yuuri’s first competition of the series, he needed to do well to qualify for the final. And Viktor wouldn’t accept a final without Yuuri in it.

After that they both finished the meal quickly, agreeing that an early night was the best idea. Yuuri would have to get up early the next day to skate and he needed to be on top form during the competition. As soon as they finished clearing up they headed into the bedroom, Yuuri taking the bathroom first and then Viktor as they got ready for bed.

Finally they both slipped beneath the sheets, Yuuri curling up on one side so that he was turned to face Viktor.

“Goodnight,” he murmured, eyes still fixed on Viktor’s face and Viktor replied in kind.

They lay silently for a while, breathing gradually slowing down and evening out as they relaxed. And as they did so, Viktor thought.

Thought about Yuuri. Thought about love.

He had been in love with Yuuri for years, he had always known it. Had fallen in love with the man out on the ice and the glimpses of Yuuri that he had seen from afar. But that was just it. He had fallen in love from afar, with the man he had seen Yuuri to be and never experienced for himself. And then they had gotten closer and he had been infatuated, hooked onto Yuuri and everything he brought with him like a drug.

It was love but it wasn’t, not as he was feeling now. Not the great swell of emotion that was building in his chest and threatening to overflow, to spill from him in words and actions because there was too much for his body to contain it all. What had started a year ago at the banquet when Yuuri had first begun to open up to him, what had grown when Yuuri had come and stayed the night and what had now been magnified tenfold in the precious days that Yuuri had spent here, by his side.

It felt like falling all over again but softer now and sweeter. Not the sudden stabs of heated emotion that used to flood through him in the few treasured moments when Yuuri had been his but gentler. Little flutters of his heart every time he saw Yuuri smile, or play with Makkachin, or help Viktor do the dishes, or any of the other hundreds of little tiny things that Yuuri had done this week to make him perfectly, contentedly happy.

Looking at Yuuri lying across from him, Viktor could feel the warmth spreading through his chest and with it, the desire to reach out and touch Yuuri, to kiss him softly and proclaim ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’ until his voice disappeared and he could do nothing but speak it with his body instead. This Yuuri lying across from him, this was the Yuuri he had fallen for the hardest and in a way that meant now he could never go back.

And they worked. That was what made it even harder to remind himself that he had to keep his distance, to let his desires go even when Yuuri was so close. On a fundamental level they worked, navigating around each other so easily, falling into such a comfortable routine together during Yuuri’s extended stay. Fitting so effortlessly together like two puzzle pieces made to match.

He had seen now what they would be like, should he have everything he had been wishing for for so long. Not single wild nights of passion, full of danger and fire and emotions so strong it threatened to destroy them both. Nor heated glances and snippets of conversations that became lost to kisses. 

Instead, waking up to Yuuri beside him every morning, sleepy yawns with his hair ruffled and Viktor looking just as dishevelled. Quiet meals together and easy conversation. Laughing and teasing back and forth as though they had been doing it for years. Taking Makkachin out for walks and watching as he and Yuuri bonded. Quiet evenings in when just being in each other’s company was enough. Going to sleep together every night and trying to thwart Yuuri’s blanket stealing attempts, or holding him close to avoid them altogether.

It was simple. It was perfect. It was what he wanted, what he had now and what he would never have again. Somehow, over the course of the week he had fallen in love with Yuuri all over again. With all his hesitance and shyness and faults that made him perfect with their imperfections because he was real. And even though he knew now that Yuuri would never be his, he still couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

As Viktor thought, he gradually felt his eyes begin to grow heavy with sleep. Despite them retreating to bed early for Yuuri’s sake, it was Viktor who fell asleep first. The day had been long and tiring, yet wonderful all the same. With the memory of Yuuri on his mind he allowed himself to be lulled quietly to sleep, vaguely aware of the way that - as he did so - Yuuri’s eyes never once left his face.

They parted ways the next morning, Yuuri to go to the stadium and begin to warm up for the competition that day and Viktor to meet with Yakov and the rest of his team. When he arrived, Yakov eyed him warily but didn’t voice whatever it was that he was thinking. Instead he barked orders at the group until they were all aware of their tasks for the day and then sent them all moving.

It was a few more hours until the short programs but the time flew by and soon Viktor found himself by the side of the rink, waiting for the performances to begin. Georgi was skating first, his costume a little eye-watering as he moved out onto the ice to thunderous cheers from his home crowd. Although his program could have been stronger, he skated well and exited the kiss and cry with a reasonable score.

Viktor barely paid it any attention however. Officially he was here for Georgi but he had eyes for only one man. Yuuri was scheduled to skate fourth and Viktor was waiting with bated breath for him to begin. The other skaters programs passed in a blur and he barely registered what their performances were like, let alone their scores.

As usual Yuuri stayed away from the crowd before it was his turn to perform and only entered the rink when the skater before him was leaving the kiss and cry. As soon as he entered a new atmosphere descended on the stadium, heavy as a blanket, almost smothering.

Excitement, tension, anticipation. Yuuri was the reigning Grand Prix champion skating in his first event of the series, there was huge expectation resting on his shoulders and rolling off the crowd in waves. And this was Viktor’s home territory, the vast majority of fans here were supporting him to succeed this series. They were waiting with baited breath, hoping to see Yuuri fail even as Viktor willed him to succeed.

But Viktor barely registered any of that. Because as soon as Yuuri walked out of the doors he could feel his mouth go dry, feel the little hitch in his breathing that the sight drew from him.

The costume Yuuri had chosen was old but precious to Viktor all the same. It fitted Yuuri perfectly, the material clinging to every sharp line of his figure. The black fabric covered almost every inch of his body but it still revealed tantalising glimpses of skin, the dark mesh running up one side giving the illusion of modesty while covering little. The crystals sewn to the sides glittered in the light of the stadium and the half skirt moved as Yuuri walked, revealing flashes of red as it flared up around him.

Yuuri looked like temptation personified, beautiful and seductive and yet still just out of Viktor’s desperate reach.

As Yuuri skated out onto the ice, Viktor noticed his eyes flickering around the stadium quickly, darting between faces. Finally he came to a stop in the centre of the rink, letting his body slide loosely into his starting pose, looking effortlessly casual and yet seductive at the same time. As part of his pose he cast his eyes down to the floor but just before he did so their gazes met and Yuuri held it for a full second, eyes full of promise. Then he looked away and the moment was broken.

Viktor took a deep breath, trying not to let any of his emotion show on his face and to calm the racing of his heart. Yuuri’s theme for this year was ‘Desire’ he was supposed to look dangerously seductive. It was all part of the show.

But oh how he wanted. After spending so much time with Yuuri, his desire was almost at breaking point, a fire that threatened to consume him whole. So close and yet so far at the same time, beautiful domestic peace and yet having to live with Yuuri just out of his reach. His smooth skin the promised land that Viktor had been barred from entering. His lips the forbidden fruit that Viktor could never taste. Yuuri had made it very clear that he wanted Viktor to stay away and Viktor had been honouring that wish all the time that Yuuri has stayed with him, burying his own desires down deep.

But looking at Yuuri now they all came roaring back to life, multiplied tenfold as the music started, the sound of strings ringing out across the stadium. As they did so Yuuri ran his hands smoothly over his body, eyes still downcast but with a sly smirk playing across his face. Then the music paused and his eyes flickered up, looking directly at Viktor again.

Even across the rink, Viktor could see the way that Yuuri’s eyes were darkened with desire and he felt pinned down by the gaze, unable to look away. As Yuuri watched him his tongue flickered out, licking his lips in a gesture that had Viktor going weak at the knees before the music began again and he finally turned away, beginning his dance.

He was looking at Viktor, it was unmistakable. Yuuri’s gaze had been deliberate and his actions had been more so and they did nothing but confuse Viktor and fuel the desire building inside him with Yuuri’s every step. Yuuri hadn’t want to sleep with him, had been shying away from Viktor throughout the entire week they had been staying together. And yet now he was fixing Viktor with a heated gaze as he skated past, his intentions impossible to miss.

“Want me,” his actions screamed. “Have me.”

Every step that Yuuri made was provocative, twisting and bending his body to the music as he flew around the rink. It was impossible to look away from him, every eye fixated and Viktor’s most of all. It was the story of a seducer and Viktor was enraptured, heat pooling in the pit of his stomach as he watched.

When Yuuri finally finished his eyes were fixed on Viktor again. Still dark with desire and his cheeks pink from exertion, a few strands of hair falling messily from their slicked back style to lie across his forehead. It was Yuuri as Viktor had seen him before but not on an ice rink. This was the Yuuri of their nights together, decadent and beautiful and completely irresistible.

The crowd screamed out their approval as the music drew to a close but Viktor couldn’t even bring himself to clap, could do nothing but stare.

Skating was their shared language, their lives. He could read the story in a routine as easy as breathing, just as Yuuri could. And Yuuri’s routine had been unmistakable directed at him, filled with want and desire and passion. But it was such a contrast to the way Yuuri had been acting so recently and Viktor could feel the hesitation in his chest. And more than that there was something else there, something sharp and painful and he pushed it away because he still didn’t know, not yet at least.

Yuuri had skated like he wanted Viktor, like he was daring Viktor to come and take him. And Viktor wanted. It wouldn’t be long before he found out if he was right or not about what it all meant.

During the performance, Viktor had been so caught up in the routine that he had completely forgotten that there were people standing around him and so it was almost a surprise to turn around and find the rest of his team-mates staring between Yuuri and him in shock.

Georgi’s eyes were wide and Mila’s mouth was hanging open, eyes darting between Yuuri and Viktor and back again. It was clear that neither of them had missed the message that Yuuri had directed at Viktor with his seduction.

Thankfully, neither of them said anything. When Viktor turn around they both stared at him for a few more seconds before turning away, Georgi pointedly looking in the other direction and Mila closing her mouth and coughing discreetly as she averted her eyes.

After the last time Yuuri had come up in their conversation and they had discovered the depths of which Viktor’s feelings ran, they had both refrained from bringing it up again. Viktor appreciated the gesture and the way neither had talked about Yuuri since then but he could see the way their minds were racing even as they looked away. Could see them putting two and two together and filling in the blank spaces with the most obvious answer.

Yuuri exited the rink, waving to the audience as he went, his cheeks still flushed pink as he did so. As he stepped off the ice his gaze flickered over to Viktor again, peering up from under his eyelashes with a small smile dancing across his lips.

There was a very pointed cough from behind Viktor and he froze, turning around slowly and mentally bracing himself for what he was going to find.

Yakov was standing behind him and the expression on his face was far from amused. Mila and Georgi along with the other members of the Russian team had strategically disappeared, leaving the two of them alone. The noise from the rink was loud enough to mask the sound of their conversation from the crowds but Yakov still spoke in a low voice, unnaturally steady and composed.

“I seem to remember that costume from somewhere before Vitya,” he stated coldly, eyes looking pointedly over to where Yuuri was sitting in the kiss and cry and then back over to Viktor again. “Care to enlighten me.”

“Yuuri’s costumes were lost and so I let him borrow one of mine,” Viktor said, forcing a smile of fake nonchalance onto his face and waving Yakov’s concern away. “It’s good sportsmanship Yakov, surely you can’t argue with that.”

“I seem to remember that you keep all of your costumes in St Petersburg,” Yakov pointed out, still looking extremely unimpressed.

“Well, maybe I just had one lying around,” Viktor shot back, still keeping his tone light and airy. He had done nothing wrong, had just been helping out a friend in need and Yakov couldn’t berate him for that.

“Well you better make sure he gives it back to you,” Yakov growled, tone filled with warning. “This is going to create enough rumours as it is. If he keeps it for the whole season it will inevitably be worse.”

“Don’t worry Yakov, he’ll give it back to me tonight,” Viktor said, brushing the concern away and then suddenly freezing at the expression that had crossed his coach’s face.

“Tonight?” Yakov asked, his tone ice cold. “And why Vitya, will you be seeing Yuuri Katsuki tonight?”

For a second, Viktor wondered if he should lie but there was no point. The reason was actually far more innocent that Yakov seemed to currently be thinking and he had done nothing wrong regardless.

“He’s staying at my apartment,” Viktor told Yakov. “I offered to give him a place to stay when he couldn’t find a hotel.”

Yakov took a deep breath and closed his eyes, exhaling in one long, drawn-out puff before focusing his eyes back on Viktor again.

“Your apartment,” he said, face completely devoid of emotion. When Viktor nodded he took another deep breath before he spoke.

“You invited the man who very publicly loathes you, who has turned half the skating world to his side against you, who has taken medal after medal from your grasp, to stay in your apartment at the beginning of this week. And he’s still there.”

“Well there was no point in him leaving once he arrived,” Viktor pointed out and for a second was very concerned at the angry shade of red that Yakov’s face turned at the statement. Then Yakov shook his head, looking despairing.

“You’re a fool Vitya,” Yakov told him, and his expression was almost sad. “And he has you wrapped around his little finger.”

Yakov turned away, motioning for Viktor to follow and he went, just as the next skater took to the ice and Yuuri left the kiss and cry, glancing Viktor’s way again.

“One day, he’ll ruin you.” Yakov said, eyes following Viktor’s gaze to where he was staring at Yuuri. “And you’ll let him.”  

Rating:  Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov

Additional tags: The Eros Costume, Hate Sex

Summary:

“Nothing in this world comes without a price. What are you willing to do, in exchange for my help?”

“Anything”

Rating:  Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov

Additional tags: The Eros Costume, Smut, Shameless Smut, Sexual Content, Top Viktor Nikiforov, Bottom Yuuri Katsuki, Porn with a little bit of plot, Seduction, Riding, Oral Sex, Barebacking, Hair-pulling, Finger-fucking, Dirty talk, Orgasm Denial, the real story of how Katsuki convinced Nikiforov to give him the Eros costume

Summary:

“Why?” Nikiforov said and his eyes were as dark as his words were cold. “Why would I ever want to help you?”

Katsuki licked his lips, looking up at the other skater with a heated gaze and smirking a little as he ran his fingers up Nikiforov’s arm to rest tantalisingly on his shoulder.

“I think I can make it worth your while.”

Rating:  Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov

Additional tags: The Eros Costume, PWP, Clothed Sex

Summary:

Nikiforov enjoyed watching Katsuki skating in his costume a little too much

After the short programs were over, Viktor left the stadium early. After Yuuri’s performance he had so many questions, so many things he needed to know because the answer would change everything.

But even though he arrived home early, it was still hours before Yuuri returned. Viktor spent those hours pacing, trying to dismiss his thoughts because until he knew, until Yuuri arrived and he had solid proof of Yuuri’s intentions, he could know nothing for sure and all his wants and worries could be entirely unfounded.

When the door finally did open Viktor turned to face it but Makkachin got there first, bounding up to Yuuri and leaping up to congratulate him with affectionate licks. Yuuri caught the enthusiastic dog and laughed happily, crouching down to ruffle Makkachin’s ears fondly.

“You came in first today,” Viktor said and Yuuri’s head shot up immediately, eyes locking with Viktor’s. There was something in his gaze, something that Viktor couldn’t quite put his finger on. There was so much that he had to say but when he tried the words caught in his throat, frozen solid. He had waited all this time but now he wasn’t quite sure if he was ready to know.

“Yes?” Yuuri replied, more a question than an answer. As though he wasn’t quite sure what Viktor was trying to say.

“Your skating was…” Viktor tried again but trailed off, unsure how to put the maelstrom of emotions that he was feeling into words. He had thought that he had lost Yuuri’s desire, might never be close to him, and then Yuuri had skated and seduced him with every step. Had called Viktor to him, had made his desire quite clear in every move he made out on the ice. And if it had been a call to Viktor, a demand, then that meant something else as well but that wasn’t something he could think about now. Not until he knew for sure.

Yuuri had skated like he wanted him. Had seduced everyone in the room but Viktor most of all, had directed his program unmistakably at Viktor. And Viktor wanted him too, had wanted him for all the time that Yuuri had been staying here. Had decided almost a year ago that he would take what he could get and accept that sex was all that there ever would be between them. And then Yuuri had arrived and had shied away and Viktor had worried that this was it, this week and then no more, Yuuri never wanting him again. But now he was here and had made his desires known again but he would have to make the first move because there was still doubt in Viktor’s mind and he needed Yuuri to make it explicitly, unmistakably clear.

Yuuri stood up slowly, eyes fixed on Viktor. Without breaking the gaze he took a few steps forward until they were so close they were almost touching, Viktor automatically stepping out to meet him in the middle. With great care, Yuuri brought his hand up to cup the side of Viktor’s face, gently drawing them closer together.

“Yuuri,” Viktor breathed but before he could say anything else Yuuri had closed the final fraction of space between them and pressed his lips to Viktor’s. The contact was short, just a soft press of skin on skin but finally Viktor knew. The routine had definitely been directed at him. Yuuri had been telling Viktor something so clearly through nothing but his skating and now there could be no mistaking the message.

Yuuri pulled back, eyes wide and sparkling in the light of the room, watching Viktor intently. Waiting for him to make the next move. To either deny or accept the proposition that Yuuri had put forward. And after so long of wanting, Viktor accepted. Yuuri had been so close, been a temptation for so long that if this was what Yuuri wanted he was powerless to refuse. Everything else the revelation had brought could wait. For now he wanted to have this moment, savour it and cherish it because he finally had Yuuri again.

He let out a single sigh, eyes fluttering closed as he pushed everything away except his desire and his joy that Yuuri wanted him, that it wasn’t over. And then he let his desperation, his need, everything he had been holding back for Yuuri’s sake flood through him like a tidal wave as he reached out to pull Yuuri to him and capture his mouth in a burning kiss.

And just like that, he was lost. The feeling of Yuuri’s lips on his, of their bodies pressed together, his fingers tangled tightly into Yuuri’s hair to keep him close. It was the most perfect sort of mindless bliss. After being denied it before the taste was all the sweeter and he licked up into Yuuri’s mouth, deepening the kiss until they were both panting and breathless.

Yuuri kissed back, hard and needy with his fingers digging bruises into Viktor’s shoulders as he clung on. Viktor pressed them even closer together, wanting to feel every inch of Yuuri’s body pressed against his like he had been denied for so long. As they kissed he felt Yuuri’s back hit the wall behind them. Viktor pressed Yuuri back harder, running his hands across Yuuri’s neck, his shoulders, down to the small of his back to pull him even closer.

The angle of their kissing wasn’t quite perfect and as he did so, Yuuri was forced to stretch up to meet Viktor’s kisses, balancing on his toes. He laced his fingers through the strands of hair at the back of Viktor’s head and pulled him down, trying to even out their heights. There was only a slight difference between the two of them but here it was more noticeable than ever.

Instead of awkwardly stooping down Viktor grabbed the back of Yuuri’s thighs, lifting him up with ease. He had carried Yuuri once before and knew that he could hold the weight with little trouble. Yuuri complied instantly, jumping up to wrap his legs tightly around Viktor’s waist. In the new position their faces were level, Viktor supporting the majority of Yuuri’s weight on his arms as he pressed him back into the wall and Yuuri keeping his legs locked around Viktor, holding them together.

Viktor kissed Yuuri hard again, trying to memorise the shape of his lips as he did so. If he had learned one thing from Yuuri’s unexpected distance this week, it was that this thing between them was far more fragile than he had first thought. Even after their last night together, he had lost Yuuri’s interest with ease and that meant he needed to treasure every moment that Yuuri wanted him while it lasted. Each time could be the last time after all.

Yuuri’s legs were still wrapped tight around his waist, his hips pressed close to Viktor’s stomach as he clung on, rocking slightly as he sought friction. As he kissed, Yuuri made tiny little gasping noises into Viktor’s mouth, chasing his lips every time Viktor pulled slightly away and digging his fingers even tighter into Viktor’s hair. Eventually he spoke, the words gasped out into the quiet of the room.

“Viktor, bedroom,” he managed to say, the words disjointed and his tone beautifully needy. Giving Yuuri enough room to breathe, Viktor pulled back and lowered him down to his feet. Yuuri dropped lightly to the floor with an easy grace before twining his hand with Viktor’s own, their fingers laced together. With an eager smile he lead Viktor over towards the open door of the bedroom, tugging his hand lightly as he guided Viktor along.

When they were inside Viktor paused, being forced to drop Yuuri’s hand as he turned to flip the lock on the bedroom.

“Makkachin,” he explained at Yuuri’s confused expression. Makkachin was used to sleeping on his bed and while that usually wasn’t a problem, there were some occasions where he definitely didn’t want to be interrupted by his dog and this was one of them.

Dissatisfied by the lack touching that the action had brought him he lifted his hands to Yuuri’s face again, cupping Yuuri’s cheeks in his palms with his fingers laced into Yuuri’s hair. Gently he drew Yuuri back in, kissing him but softer this time. Savouring the sensation and feeling as Yuuri melted into the kiss.

As he did so he walked Yuuri towards the bed, refusing to break the kiss even as he did so. Sitting down on the mattress he drew Yuuri down with him so that they were level again, pulling on Yuuri’s lower lip slightly with his teeth before returning to kissing him deeply again.

After a few more seconds Yuuri kicked his shoes off, having not had time to take them off at the door. After they were tossed to the side he clambered fully onto the bed, one hand moving to grab at the front of Viktor’s shirt and draw him up too. Viktor followed eagerly, coming to sit on the mattress with Yuuri pressed close, his legs bracketing Viktor’s thighs.

Their new position put Yuuri at a slightly greater height than Viktor and he leaned down to reinitiate the kiss again. Yuuri was everywhere, surrounding him, consuming him and Viktor wouldn’t have it any other way.

Gripping Yuuri’s arms lightly Viktor lay down, pulling the other man with him until he was lying sprawled out on the bed and Yuuri was hovering over him, eyes dark with desire as they continued to kiss. But Viktor wanted more, needed more. To have Yuuri on him, in him, anything to draw the two of them closer together.

Lying back, Viktor let Yuuri take full control and Yuuri took it willingly, sliding his hands down Viktor’s chest, unbuttoning his shirt as he did so. The little buttons came undone easily under his skilled fingers and Yuuri pulled the shirt apart when he was done, exposing the skin of Viktor’s chest to the heated air of the bedroom.

Glancing up at Viktor from under his eyelashes he smiled, a beautiful temptation that Viktor couldn’t have resisted even if he wanted to. Then Yuuri lowered his head, kissing the skin of Viktor’s chest and Viktor could feel the burn of desire within him grow with every little point of contact. Without hesitating Yuuri mouthed lower and lower, licking and kissing a trail down Viktor’s skin until his face was finally level with Viktor’s hips and he paused.

For a second he remained still, not looking up at Viktor but then he reached out and slid his fingers into the fastenings of Viktor’s trousers, pulling them open. Licking his lips he glanced up at Viktor again, gaze questioning but still full of desire.

“Yuuri,” Viktor said, his voice cracking with the effort of forming words. He was already so lost and the sight of Yuuri on his knees, looking up at Viktor with eyes dark and heated, was the best kind of torment.

“You don’t have to,” he choked out, wanting to make the point very clear before he lost his self-restraint. He needed to be sure, needed to know that this wasn’t just payment for Yuuri, like he had thought on the first night.

“I want to,” Yuuri replied, words sounding perfectly sincere, voice filled with lust as he did so. “Can I?”

“Yes,” Viktor said immediately because there was nothing in the world that could make him refuse. Yuuri kneeling before him, innocently asking if he could bring Viktor pleasure for no sake other than to make Viktor feel good. Not taking what he wanted from Viktor’s body like Viktor could be anyone but giving freely and with no benefit to himself.

“Anything.”

Yuuri smiled at him again, warm and happy and the sight made Viktor’s throat tighten even as he let his desire cloud over everything else. Yuuri was too beautiful, too perfect, and seeing him smile was a sight that Viktor could never get enough of.

Ducking his head back down, Yuuri quickly finished with Viktor’s trousers and pulled them off with his boxers, discarding them on the floor and moving back to hover between Viktor’s legs. Viktor almost bit through his lip, trying to remain still while Yuuri teased him, breath ghosting over Viktor’s cock.

Finally Yuuri bent his head down, pressing a light kiss to the tip that had Viktor gasping in response. The heat of Yuuri’s mouth, brief as it had been, and the sight of Yuuri before him was almost enough to send him over the edge with barely a touch. In response Yuuri moved again, this time licking Viktor’s cock from the base to the tip and then lowering his head down to take Viktor in his mouth.

At the feeling of his cock being enveloped by the heat of Yuuri’s mouth Viktor swore, desperately trying to hold it together as Yuuri bobbed his head up and down, licking and sucking all the while. His lips were stretched out around Viktor’s cock, still kiss-bitten red from their earlier activities and he attended his task with a single-minded focus that had Viktor’s arms giving out from under him, sending him sprawling flat out on the bed again.

Dazedly Viktor stared up at the ceiling, trying to fight back the heat that was building in the pit of his stomach as Yuuri pushed him closer and closer to the edge. Every second felt like he was about to finish early, like a teenager during his first time. Yuuri was too erotic, too beautiful, too much. Every second in his presence made Viktor feel like he was burning up and it was the best kind of pain.

As Yuuri worked his head dipped lower and lower, taking more of Viktor into his mouth until Viktor finally felt his cock hit the back of Yuuri’s throat. Yuuri’s throat constricted around it and Viktor heard the choking sound he made, sitting back up in concern to see Yuuri pull off, wiping the saliva from his mouth before dipping his head back down to try again.

This time he didn’t push himself so far, instead wrapping his hand around the base of Viktor’s cock, jerking it in time with the movements of his mouth. The dual sensation sent Viktor’s head spinning and he whined in response, flopping back onto the bed as he let the pleasure overwhelm him. It took everything in him not to buck up into Yuuri’s mouth, desperately holding himself still as Yuuri kissed and sucked his way down the length of Viktor’s cock and back up again.

Every movement of his mouth was pure bliss and Viktor let himself be swept away in the tide of pleasure, gasping and moaning as Yuuri worked. The heat was still building in the pit of his stomach and Viktor had to dig his fingers into the sheets of the bed, trying to ground himself in the feeling to stop himself from being lost completely.

Finally Yuuri pulled away, breathing heavily and taking a few seconds to compose himself before he began to lower his head again.

“Yuuri,” Viktor choked out, simultaneously needing Yuuri to stop and never wanting the feeling to end. His breaths were heaving in his chest and he struggled to get the words out, still lost in the haze of pleasure.

“Yuuri. If you want this…to last…you’ll have to…stop,” he panted. “You’re…I can’t…”

If Yuuri continued then this would all be over far too soon, with Viktor giving Yuuri nothing in return for the pleasure that Yuuri had given him. Viktor couldn’t let that happen, not when he had been craving this ever since Yuuri arrived and only now finally had him again.

Yuuri seemed to understand his meaning because instead of continuing he crawled back up the bed until he was kneeling over Viktor, their faces close together. Instead of speaking again Viktor reached up, threading his hand loosely through Yuuri’s hair and pulling him down into another gentle kiss.

It was tender and sweet, so far removed from the way they used to be. Viktor might not have Yuuri, not really. And he knew he never would. But when Yuuri touched him like that, kissed him like that, it was so easy to pretend.

“God Yuuri,” he whispered, pulling away to cup Yuuri’s face in his hand and look deep into his eyes. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

Yakov had warned him that one day Yuuri would ruin him and it was true, but not quite in the way that he had meant.

‘You’re going to destroy me,” Viktor thought as Yuuri kissed him again, fingers caressing his skin in a lover’s touch. ‘But it’ll be the sweetest of deaths.’

Viktor let his hands roam across Yuuri’s skin, pushing up into his mouth and sitting upright so that they were on a level with each other again. Quickly he shrugged his shirt off his shoulders and tugged it aside, wanting to give Yuuri full access to his skin. Then he reached out to tug at Yuuri’s own shirt and Yuuri complied eagerly, raising his arms so that Viktor could slip the fabric over his head and discard it as well.

They were so close, Viktor sitting half upright with his legs stretched out across the bed and Yuuri straddling him, almost sitting in his lap. There was a bright flush across Yuuri’s cheeks and he squirmed a little, seeming impatient.

“What do you want Yuuri?” Viktor asked, just as desperate to move this forward now as Yuuri seemed to be. He didn’t care how, he would do whatever Yuuri desired.

“I want you,” Yuuri said without a moment’s hesitation and Viktor’s heart lurched in his chest. “I want you inside me,” he added and Viktor could feel the choked off little sound he made at the statement, the way his eyes darkened with desire.

‘And I want you,’ Viktor’s traitorous brain whispered before he could stop himself. ‘Forever.’

For a long moment he held Yuuri’s gaze, mind still spinning but Yuuri finally broke their eye contact, looking away with a slight blush as he spoke.

“Do you have…” he trailed off and Viktor understood immediately.

“Yes,” he blurted out, still lost in a haze of thoughts and emotions. Shaking his head to clear it he moved, sliding out from under Yuuri to roll awkwardly across the bed to the bedside drawer, fumbling inside for a few seconds before finally bringing out the items he was looking for. The condom he tossed to the side, deciding to deal with it later but the lube he brought back over to Yuuri, who was waiting for him.

“Do you want to?” Viktor asked, motioning to the bottle and praying that the answer was no. He wanted to be the one to touch Yuuri, to open him up and make him fall apart beneath Viktor’s finger. “Or do you want me?”

“You,” Yuuri told him without hesitation and Viktor couldn’t help but pull Yuuri back into a kiss, hasty and full of passion as he reached down to unbutton Yuuri’s trousers. With a bit of help from Yuuri he successfully removed them along with Yuuri’s underwear and then pulled Yuuri close, almost chest to chest. Stretching his legs out between the bracket of Yuuri’s own, Viktor used one hand to softly stroke the skin of Yuuri’s cheek and uncapped the bottle with the other. He poured a generous amount of the lube onto his fingers and then reached around behind Yuuri, teasing his entrance for a few seconds with his finger before finally pushing it in.

Yuuri let out a hushed little gasp at the feeling and Viktor kissed it from his lips eagerly, feeling as Yuuri’s body shuddered a little and then relaxed, allowing him entrance. With his free hand he used his thumb to rub soothingly at Yuuri’s cheek, not moving yet.

“If you need me to stop, let me know,” he said but Yuuri just smiled back, rolling his hips and fucking himself back onto Viktor’s finger, forcing him to move. Wanting to make it last as long as he could Viktor worked slowly, working Yuuri open with agonising care until Yuuri was gasping and panting and rocking back into the touch. Gradually Viktor added more fingers, kissing Yuuri deeply as he did so and savouring the needy sounds that Yuuri made into his mouth as he did.

Finally Yuuri pulled back, his eyes burning with desire and want and he reached out to grab the condom that Viktor had discarded, ripping the packet open with his teeth. Viktor could feel another flush of heat go through him at the sight, fingers stilling in their movements as he stared. Yuuri yanked the condom out of the torn packet and glanced at Viktor, waiting for his nod of consent before rolling it swiftly onto Viktor’s cock.

Even the sensation of Yuuri’s hands brushing against his skin had Viktor shivering in anticipation and the feeling was magnified tenfold when Yuuri pushed him back, just enough force to make Viktor to fall to lie flat against the bed. As he did so his fingers slid out of Yuuri and Yuuri seemed to frown a little at the loss. Then he climbed fully over Viktor, hips swaying and hands bracketing Viktor’s head as he did so.

Without thought, Viktor hands slid to Yuuri’s hips, clasping tightly as he felt himself go lax beneath him. Yuuri was beautiful like this, perfectly in control and Viktor was willing to give him everything that he asked for in a heartbeat.

“Can I?” Yuuri asked, his voice low and seductive and Viktor barely managed to choke out a ‘yes’, feeling his fingers tighten and dig into Yuuri’s skin at the words.

Yuuri gazed down at him, the picture of seduction just as he had been out on the ice that day. Reaching up he pushed his hair out of his eyes, slicking it back before reaching out to take Viktor’s cock in his hand.

Viktor barely had time to breathe before Yuuri had lined himself up and was sinking down, one hand braced on Viktor’s chest to keep him down as he let out a little sigh of pleasure, eyes fluttering shut as he was filled completely. For a few moments he paused, balanced on Viktor’s thighs as he allowed himself to adjust to the stretch. Then he opened his eyes and looked down at Viktor, eyes filled with a raw honesty and openness and something that almost looked like joy.

It was so different to the last time that they had been in this exact position, with Yuuri on top of him. Then, he had been told not to speak and Yuuri had used him for his own pleasure before leaving Viktor feeling cold and alone and so, so empty. Now Yuuri had brought Viktor almost to the edge before even touching himself, had kissed him so sweetly and focused on Viktor’s pleasure first, had taken control and was now moving in earnest, sinking himself down onto Viktor’s cock, his eyes never once leaving Viktor’s face. Every touch was intimate, every kiss was deep and true.

Yuuri raised himself back up, holding the position for a second before sinking back down again, changing his angle slightly so that he took Viktor even deeper. Viktor couldn’t help the choked off little moan that he let out at the feeling of Yuuri’s tight heat surrounding him and he felt his toes curl, desperately trying to hold on.

Unexpectedly Yuuri reached down, running his hands gently through Viktor’s hair, pushing it carefully away from his face. He stilled in his movements completely, seated with Viktor’s cock deeply inside himself as he gazed down at Viktor with a soft expression on his face. The combination of the gentle touch and the feeling of Yuuri surrounding him was too much for Viktor and he could hear just how desperate his words sounded when he spoke.

“Yuuri. Please.” he begged and Yuuri complied, bracing his hands on Viktor’s shoulders as he moved. Keeping Viktor pinned down and watching in awe as Yuuri set his pace, rocking his hips with graceful, smooth movements as he brought them both wave upon wave of pleasure. Viktor loved the feeling of Yuuri in control, loved watching as Yuuri rode him in earnest, fucking himself onto Viktor’s cock in a way that had them both gasping and moaning.

Wanting to give Yuuri something in return, Viktor reached up to grasp Yuuri’s cock, stroking it in time with the rocking of his hips. With his other hand he pulled Yuuri down into a rough kiss, hard and fast and needy as they moved together.

Finally Yuuri gasped, breaking the kiss to bury his face into the crook of Viktor’s neck as he came apart. Viktor could feel the way that Yuuri’s body shuddered and clenched around him as he came, holding Viktor close and he felt pleasure wash through him too. Pushing upwards so that he was sitting fully upright again he pulled Yuuri into his arms, cradled in his lap as Yuuri rested his head on Viktor’s shoulder, boneless and spent.

Viktor was still hard inside Yuuri and he was so close, so he slid his hands gently around Yuuri’s face, lifting his head up so that Viktor could look into his eyes. Yuuri’s eyes were hazy with pleasure and he looked beautifully wrecked as Viktor pressed their foreheads together, so close that he could feel the heat of Yuuri’s breath.

As he did so he kept moving, rocking up into Yuuri to draw out his pleasure as Yuuri gasped above him until Viktor was coming too. Reaching up to capture Yuuri’s lips in a final burning kiss as he did so, finally letting the pleasure consume him. Yuuri rocked down onto him as Viktor came, kissing back just as deeply and finally they stilled, pulling apart to rest their foreheads together again as they both came down from the high.

For a few minutes they remained that way, holding each other close and breathing together, perfectly content. Then Yuuri finally shifted, swinging himself off Viktor but still holding onto him, keeping Viktor close. In response Viktor pressed a final kiss to Yuuri’s shoulder before moving away, climbing reluctantly out of the bed to dispose of the condom in the bin in the corner of the room.

When he turned back around Yuuri was still lying sprawled out on the bed, one arm under his head as he gazed at Viktor with dark eyes and a small smile playing across his lips. He was still fully naked as he lay there and he looked like something out of a classical painting. A god, or one of the mortals beautiful enough to ensnare one. Almost unnaturally beautiful in the darkness of the room, the thin band of moonlight from the window casting his features into ethereal patterns of shadows and light.

But instead of staying as he was, Yuuri moved under Viktor’s gaze, sliding under the bedcovers that had been tossed aside in their haste. Covering up every inch of skin to his neck as he blushed. Walking back over to the bed Viktor lay down again, pulling the sheets over himself too as he moved in close to Yuuri.

He had been staying away because Yuuri had wanted him to. But now he knew that Yuuri wanted him again and he longed to stay close, to not be pushed away again. Deciding it was worth the risk he moved in as near as he dared, lightly resting his hand on Yuuri’s arm and tugging it gently as he pulled Yuuri towards him. Yuuri went willingly, snuggling close until he was resting half on top of Viktor, his head pressed into Viktor’s shoulder and their legs lying tangled together.

Yuuri sighed contentedly and closed his eyes, the soft strands of his hair brushing against the bare skin of Viktor’s chest and the heat from his body warming Viktor’s own. The suddenly, Yuuri’s eyes shot open again and he sat up, looking worried.

“What’s wrong?” Viktor asked as Yuuri glanced quickly around the room, eyes searching. Finally they landed on the pile of clothes that had been tossed haphazardly away earlier that night.

“My phone,” Yuuri explained. “I need to set an alarm for tomorrow morning. It’s the free skate.”

“Do you have to,” Viktor said, his voice coming out less a question and more a whine. He had only just managed to get Yuuri back into his arms again, he didn’t want to lose him merely hours later when Yuuri would have to get up at some ridiculously early time for the competition.

“Yes,” Yuuri said, flashing him an amused smile as he climbed out of bed to grab his phone from the pocket of his trousers, flicking it open and setting the alarm quickly. After he was finished he set the phone down on the nightstand and slid back into bed, crawling back to his original position again and snuggling down into the warmth of Viktor’s skin.

“If I miss the free skate I’ll be disqualified and I’m not going to let that happen. I’m still going to get to the final and beat you,” he mumbled, head pressed into Viktor’s chest and with a teasing note alight in his voice. When Viktor looked down Yuuri’s expression was playful, so far removed from what it had once been before.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“Ah Yuuri,” Viktor said, his voice soft in the quiet of the room. Before Yuuri had come into his world he had been lost, adrift. Losing focus, losing inspiration, losing even his love of the ice. And Yuuri had brought all that back to him and more. No matter what else happen between them, Viktor would always be thankful to him for that.

“I would never want to.”

It didn’t take long for Yuuri to fall asleep, pressed close to Viktor with their bodies tangled together. Apparently putting Yuuri into a state of post-coital bliss and holding him close was the most effective way to stop him from stealing all of the blankets. Viktor filed that piece of information away for later.

As he slept Yuuri shifted a little, nuzzling his face to Viktor’s chest and smiling as he dreamed, his hands resting lightly on Viktor’s skin. Viktor watched him, trying to tame the little bursts of joy each action brought to his heart as he remembered just why it was so important for him not to allow himself to be lost to joy. The thing he had been ignoring ever since he had watched Yuuri skate, the thing that he had desperately needed confirmed and the thought that he had pushed away when Yuuri had kissed him because now he knew but he still didn’t want to think about it. Not then at least.

Yuuri knew that Viktor loved him. And he didn’t return the feelings.

It was nothing new really, just a confirmation of what he had already known and suspected. He had never tried to hide his love, had spoken it through every kiss and touch and word of praise even if he was still following Yuuri’s rule of never saying the words out loud. And he had dedicated so many of his routines to Yuuri, this year especially, screaming his love out into the world.

And he had known for a long time that Yuuri didn’t love him back, had always known exactly what Yuuri wanted from their relationship and nothing more. But that didn’t stop the sadness from welling up in his chest as he looked down at Yuuri sleeping peacefully, knowing now for sure that Yuuri would never feel the same way.

Viktor had been speaking to Yuuri for years in their shared language of skating. When words were forbidden he had spoken his love on the ice instead. For two years he had screamed it to the world, for one he had tried to resist and now he was doing it again. Skating two routines so obviously romantic and so clearly directed at Yuuri that Yakov had almost tried to ban him from skating them. Routines that he knew that Yuuri had seen from the qualifiers. But he had never quite been sure that Yuuri was listening, had never known if Yuuri had gotten the message.

But now he did. Because Yuuri had finally replied, had skated a program directed at Viktor in return. Had called Viktor to him, had seduced him back into their previous relationship easily, had demanded that they share their nights again and Viktor was powerless to refuse that call.

But Yuuri had expected him to understand it with no words spoken and understand it Viktor had. Yuuri had proven that he could speak the language of skating just as well as Viktor, that he could give a message and could receive one too. Had finally replied to Viktor’s unspoken declarations in kind but while Viktor had been skating his love, Yuuri had been skating his desire. His lust. His want to have Viktor in his bed like he had been seeking for years and nothing more than that.

Viktor wanted to believe that maybe he was wrong but he couldn’t. He had always been so obviously enamoured with Yuuri and Yuuri had asked him not to speak, to keep his words and his questions and everything about their relationship to himself. And so he had turned to skating and had skated his feelings instead and now Yuuri was telling him something that way too, telling Viktor that he knew how Viktor felt but that he would never, could never, feel the same. This was about desire for him. It always had been.

And the final nail in the coffin, the final confirmation that Viktor had to acknowledge because it was impossible to ignore it, was the costume. His costume, the costume that Yuuri had chosen to wear when his clothes were lost. There were hundreds of costumes of Viktor’s in the boxes he had given to Yuuri, in every size as he had grown over the years. Yuuri could have picked any of them, there were plenty that could fit him easily, so much choice.

But Yuuri had picked carefully and his choice told his silent message just as clearly as his routine had. The costume that Vitkor had worn during his final season as a Junior. The year that his theme had been about ‘Love’, precious and pure and something that he wanted more than anything in the world. The first time and the last time he had skated to that exact theme, everything he felt for Yuuri condensed down into a single word, not that he had known it at the time. Then he had been skating about the concept of love but now he knew the reality.

That was the costume that Yuuri had chosen, the costume of Viktor’s that signified love. And he had chosen it and worn it and skated to his own theme of ‘Desire’. Love vs lust, the life that Viktor craved with Yuuri vs the nights that Yuuri sought with him, wanting nothing more. It was as clear a message as any. Yuuri had specifically chosen a costume that had been about Viktor’s love and used it to send a message, just as his skating had.

‘For you this is love,’ his actions had screamed. ‘But for me this is desire.’

And then he had come home and made it explicitly clear that the routine had been aimed at Viktor, that he wanted to sleep with him again. Had given Viktor the choice to either accept their relationship as it was, with full knowledge of how they both felt and how they would never feel the same, or to end it. And Viktor had gone with it, had savoured every touch and kiss because he had known he could never have Yuuri, he had known it for years now. Had known that all that could exist between them was sex and he was determined to have that while he could because when Yuuri stopped desiring him, he would be left with nothing.

But now Yuuri was asleep and the world was quiet and Viktor couldn’t help the sadness that welled up in his chest as he looked down at where Yuuri lay. This whole week had been a beautiful torture, a glimpse at what he wanted and a reminder that he could never have it.

Running his fingers lightly through Yuuri’s hair he tried to push the thoughts away. It was nothing new, he had accepted the extent of their relationship long ago. And he had this. He still had this.

That was something at least.

endless-path @ endless-path  · 31m

I am still in shock from Katsuki skating his SP in Nikiforov’s old costume! #ErosCostume

cynthiagrae @ cynthiagrae  · 28m

Ok but how do you think Katsuki convinced Nikiforov to give him the Eros costume though ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) #ErosCostume

alipiee @ alipiee  · 27m

@cynthiagrae  Is it really so hard to believe that Nikiforov lent Katsuki the costume just because he’s a good person #ErosCostume

spriteofice @ spriteofice  · 24m

@alipiee  Yes. They hate each other, he must have got something in return for it at least

briashrich @ briashrich  · 22m

@spriteofice  They might hate each other but that doesn’t mean Nikiforov’s not going to help out a fellow skater in need if he can! That’s just common courtesy  #ErosCostume

siveambrai @ siveambrai · 21m

@briashrich Maybe they don’t hate each other at all. I’ve been saying for years that they’re just doing it for the publicity

marythemunchkin @ marythemunchkin  · 20m

@siveambrai Whether they do or don’t hate each other is really none of your business. Although I definitely think you’re wrong

shysweetthing @ shysweetthing · 18m

I honestly think that the rivalry between Katsuki and Nikforov has started to die down finally. If you compare how they used to be with how they are now there is a BIG difference 1/2

shysweetthing @ shysweetthing · 18m

Maybe they’ve grown to like each other, maybe they haven’t, but they’ve been competing together for 7 years now. They can probably at least tolerate each other by now if nothing else 2/2

minttytea @ minttytea  · 17m

@shysweetthing Yeah, Katsuki used to HATE Nikiforov but now his attitude seems pretty different

tortoiseinashell @ tortoiseinashell  · 14m

I don’t think Katsuki or Nikiforov will ever get along. But it’s nice to see that Nikiforov is a decent person at least #ErosCostume

thetinypuppy @ thetinypuppy  · 9m

Tfw your fave is a complete saint and helps out the complete asshole who hates him even though he doesn’t need to #ErosCostume

HMCouture @ HMCouture  · 6m

That eros costume... wow!!! But who wore it better - Nikiforov or Katsuki??? #ErosCostume

Justine @ slightlied · 6m

@HMCouture Light of my life KATSUKI YUURI!!

artykings @ artykings · 6m

@HMCouture VIKTOR!!! IT’S OBVIOUSLY VIKTOR

syrenian @ syrenian · 5m

@HMCouture YUURI

sarabelez @ sarabelez · 5m

@HMCouture My heart says Yuuri all the way

lauravian @ lauravian · 3m

@HMCouture Definitely Viktor, you can’t beat the original!

nikikatsudon @ nikikatsudon · 2m

@HMCouture http://www.reactiongifs.com/good-2/

applepie @ applepie0917 · 2m

@HMCouture It’s not a fair comparison! We need to see Viktor wearing the costume now

umikoelement @ umikoelement · 1m

@applepie0917 Nikiforov and Katsuki both wearing the costume? No, that would be too much Eros for the world to handle!

The next day he went to the stadium again to watch the free skates, feeling a thrill of happiness run through him when he saw Yuuri ascend the podium, a gold medal clutched tightly in his grip. Yuuri’s Eros program the day before had shattered his personal best and his free skate was beautiful as well, easily securing him the top spot.

As Yuuri stood on the podium his eyes were searching the crowd and they finally came to rest on Viktor, gazes locking. Once his eyes had found Viktor, Yuuri’s face broke out into a smile, the expression lighting up his features and Viktor smiled back, feeling the familiar rush of warmth in his chest that the sight brought him.

Yuuri looked so happy there, standing at the top of the podium celebrating his win. Beaming at Viktor like there was no rivalry between them, like they were what Viktor had always wished they could be. Having Yuuri here with him this time had been so different, not competitors for a tiny fraction of time but something entirely new. Soon Yuuri would leave Russia and their normal routine would resume, a few secret meetings in hotels and nothing more. But for now, Viktor allowed himself to enjoy the sight of Yuuri smiling at him and to treasure the memories of their time together. Of Yuuri and Makkachin and him, all together in his apartment. Of the life they had lived this past week and the days that Viktor would never forget.

Georgi was on the podium too, holding his bronze medal up for the crowds and the rest of Viktor’s rink-mates were beside him. Mila was cheering loudly and Yakov was looking quietly proud at the sight of the skater standing on the podium. But Yuri’s eyes were narrowed, focused in not on Georgi but on Yuuri instead.

Quickly his gaze flickered over to Viktor and back to Yuuri, eyes examining the way that Yuuri was smiling and the smile that Viktor was giving him in return. When Viktor turned to glance at him he looked away with a scowl but as soon as Viktor turned back he saw Yuri’s gaze return from the corner of his eye. His expression was assessing but Viktor couldn’t read the intention behind it.

Brushing the thought off he focused back on Yuuri, not taking his eyes off the other man until Yuuri had descended the podium again. After that Yuuri disappeared, official medallist business pulling him away and Viktor’s own responsibilities keeping him distracted until the end of the day.

When they finally both arrived home late there was little either of them wanted to do more than to sleep and so they both retreated to bed early. The distance that had been separating them had dissolved after their night together and Yuuri lay close, not quite touching but with only an inch of space between them.

They fell asleep like that and when Viktor awoke the next day the distance between them had disappeared completely. During the night Yuuri had shifted close, pressing himself against Viktor and Viktor’s arms had automatically wrapped around him in return. He was jolted awake in the morning as Yuuri hurriedly pulled away, blushing red with embarrassment but Viktor only smiled back.

And suddenly, all too soon, it was time for Yuuri to leave.

The last of his medallist duties were completed and his flight back to Detroit was waiting for him. Their time together was over and Viktor felt his chest constrict at the realisation that Yuuri would never come here again. Would likely never meet Makkachin again. Would never live together with Viktor in easy domesticity because Viktor couldn’t have what he wanted and there was no way for him to convince Yuuri to stay. Their lives were too far apart, their desires too different.

Finally Yuuri was packed and ready to go but it was only when he was risking becoming dangerously late for his flight that he finally left. Saying goodbye to Makkachin first, petting him and crooning to him as Makkachin panted happily. Then finally he stood up and turned to Viktor.

“Um, goodbye,” he mumbled, averting his eyes slightly and adjusting his grip on his suitcase. “And…thank you.”

“Anytime,” Viktor replied, trying to keep his voice causal and not let the crack that was threatening to creep into it be audible at the sight of Yuuri leaving.

“No, thank you Viktor,” Yuuri said and his voice was stronger now. He looked back at Viktor and held the gaze. “Thank you for letting me stay.”

“It was my pleasure,” Viktor responded, voice tight, and he meant it. Yuuri being in his life this past week might have been bittersweet but he wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Having Yuuri like he had was so much more than he had ever expected or dreamed of. And now he would always have his memories of Moscow and their time together, no matter what lay ahead.

Yuuri swallowed and turned around, taking a few steps towards the door and pulling his suitcase behind him. But then he paused, looking at Viktor one last time.

“Goodbye Viktor,” he said, voice quiet and eyes looking – strangely - almost sad.

“Goodbye Yuuri,” Viktor replied and watched as Yuuri left, shutting the door with a quiet click and leaving Viktor standing alone in the apartment. For a second he remained where he was but then he broke and hurried over to the window.

Standing on the pavement was Yuuri, wrapped up tightly in his thick coat and boots and remaining motionless, staring at the front door as his breath misted in the air before him. Then finally he shook his head and turned away, dragging his suitcase behind him as he walked towards the waiting taxi and climbed inside, disappearing from sight.

‘You’ll see him again,’ Viktor thought as he watched the vehicle pull away and that was the small comfort that he could hold onto in his now empty apartment. As long as he kept skating, he and Yuuri would keep meeting. Not here, not like this, but they would still have chances to be together. He could satisfy Yuuri’s desire for as long as Yuuri wanted him and be close to him in return for as long as he kept competing. And after that…

After that he didn’t know. And he didn’t want to think about it, not now. Not when the memories of Yuuri were still so sweet in his mind and he had somehow managed to fall in love all over again and even harder and more deeply than before. He could enjoy the now and not think about the end until it came.

That night he ate dinner alone, Makkachin picking at his food beside him. When the delivery man had arrived the dog’s ears had pricked up, barking happily at the door but they had drooped again when it was only a stranger on the other side. After he finished eating he circled the apartment, sniffing into every corner and jumping up onto the bed before padding back through to where Viktor was sitting at the table.

Resting his head on the chair opposite Viktor he whined softly, looking up at Viktor with wide, sad eyes. Sighing, Viktor finished off his food and cleared up before walking over to sit on the couch with his legs sprawled out before him. Makkachin jumped up too and flopped down onto Viktor’s stomach, sighing dejectedly. Viktor ran his hands through Makkachin’s soft fur, scratching behind his ears as he looked out of the window onto the Moscow night, lost in thought.

“I know,” he told Makkachin, who looked up at him mournfully at the words. “I miss him too.”

Chapter Text

TheKatsukiClub

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TheKatsukiClub: Guess who just spotted #KatsukiYuuri getting off the plane in Sochi!

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The weeks between the Rostelecom Cup and the Grand Prix Final seemed to fly by. Viktor had already qualified and all there was left to do was train, train and wait for the time when skating would bring he and Yuuri together again.

It was strange at first, adjusting to a life without Yuuri in it. Staying late at the rink and skating well into the evening and night because there was no-one waiting for him when he came home. Sitting in an apartment full of silence, sleeping in a bed that suddenly seemed so empty again. But he had known right from the beginning that it was only temporary, that all too soon Yuuri would have to leave. And they would see each other soon. That was what he held on to.

Finally the final arrived and he landed in Sochi with a sense of great anticipation hanging in the air around him. Soon Yuuri would be here too and they could be together again. They had fallen into such a comfortable routine in Moscow, had grown so easily close and he wanted to return to even a fraction of that again now.

He arrived early in the morning, meeting up with Chris and a few of the other skaters who had already arrived. There wasn’t much time to talk but they arranged to meet for dinner and drinks that evening, one last chance to relax before they fought it out for a place on the podium again.

Yuuri hadn’t arrived then but later that evening, as Viktor was lazily browsing through social media, he caught a glimpse of a photograph of what looked like Yuuri at an airport. Scrolling back up to look at it properly he took in the caption, then examined the photo carefully. It was slightly blurred, taken through a phone camera and from a distance away. And Yuuri was dressed to blend in, hat pulled down low over his ears and white mask covering the lower half of his face. But it was definitely him.

His plane must have just landed. Viktor checked the posting time and saw that the picture had been uploaded less than an hour ago. Probably enough time for Yuuri to make it to the hotel but not much more. Quickly he pulled out his phone, writing out a quick text before hitting send.

To : Yuuri

I heard your plane had landed. Are you at the hotel yet?

Only a few seconds later there was the ding of a reply.

From: Yuuri

Yes

For a second, Viktor contemplated his next text. Yuuri was notorious for being elusive, never joining the other skaters socially outside of banquets and other official events. The only exception was his friend, Phichit Chulanont. It was likely that Yuuri would turn down the offer to join Viktor and the other skaters for dinner.

But on the other hand, it was worth it to try. He missed sitting with Yuuri during meals, the easy conversation they had shared. And they had grown so much closer too during their time in Moscow, it wasn’t unreasonable to hope that Yuuri might agree just this once.

To : Yuuri

A few of the skaters are meeting up for dinner and drinks tonight before the short tomorrow. Will you come?

There was no immediate reply this time and Viktor sighed, tossing his phone aside. It was to be expected really but he did wish that Yuuri would come. It would be nice to spend time together aside from in their hotel rooms and it might be good for Yuuri to spend time around the other skaters. Many thought him cold and intimidating but Viktor knew he was actually nothing like that. He wanted other people to see that side of Yuuri too, away from the mask he wore during competitions and out on the ice.

Unexpectedly his phone pinged from beside him again and he glanced down, face lighting up when he saw the message flash across the screen.

From: Yuuri

I’ll see you there

With the knowledge that Yuuri was coming to join them, Viktor couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he got ready for dinner. He had arranged to meet Chris in the lobby of the hotel where all the skaters were staying so that they could walk down together and he saw his friend’s eyes narrow the minute Viktor stepped out of the lift.

“You’re looking very happy about something,” he said suspiciously and Viktor just smiled back.

“Yuuri is joining us for the meal,” he replied happily and Chris’ eyes widened in surprise.

“That’s unusual,” he frowned, eyebrows drawing together, his surprised look turning contemplative. “He never comes out. God knows enough people have tried asking him. How did you manage to convince him to come?”

“I just asked,” Viktor shrugged, still smiling to himself. Yuuri had agreed when Viktor had asked when he never did with any other invitation. The thought made Viktor’s heart warm.

Together they made their way out of the hotel and down the street to the restaurant. The night was cold and Viktor dug his hands deep into his coat pockets as they walked, trying to stave off the chill. The warm air of the restaurant was a pleasant contrast and they stepped through the door gratefully, Chris letting out a sigh of relief as the door swung shut behind them and cut them off from the cold.

The other skaters were already seated, Cao and Michele talking quietly together at a table in the corner of the room. Counting Yuuri, there were only five skaters invited to join them out of the six that would compete but Viktor couldn’t remember who must have been left out.

Making their way over to the table they both sat down, Chris taking the seat next to Cao and Viktor sitting next to him. There was a single chair between him and Michele that Viktor left purposefully empty. Yuuri would soon be joining them after all.

After a few minutes Chris pulled out his phone and glanced at the time, Viktor looking over his shoulder to note that Yuuri was already a few minutes late. Viktor hadn’t given him much warning after all.

“We should order,” Chris suggested as a waiter walked past their table, balancing several trays of delicious smelling food in his arms as he did so. The other two were starting to look hungry too, watching the food as it passed.

“You choose the food Viktor,” Cao added, looking doubtfully down at the menu. The place was out of the way enough that it was written entirely in Cyrillic, unreadable to everyone at the table but Viktor.

Viktor hesitated, wanting to wait for Yuuri to arrive before they ordered but the problem was quickly solved by the gust of icy air that swept through the room as the door opened again, announcing a new arrival.

Standing shivering in the doorway was Yuuri, coat wrapped tightly around his body and cheeks flushed pink from the chill as he stepped into the room. His eyes flickered over to Viktor and the other skaters and Viktor waved him over enthusiastically.

“Yuuri!” he called, motioning for Yuuri to come and join them and watching as the other skater’s heads turned in unison. Viktor could read the surprise on their faces, the slight widening of their eyes as they took in Yuuri standing there. Apart from Chris, the others had had no warning that Yuuri was going to come. It must be a shock to see him finally joining in a social event that wasn’t compulsory, a first for everyone there. Only Chris didn’t look surprised at Yuuri’s arrival, his gaze had simply turned assessing instead.

Hesitantly, Yuuri made his way over towards them, the flush on his cheeks growing slightly darker under the gazes and his eyes cast down. His hair was slicked back into the style he usually wore for skating and his glasses were absent but the focused and impenetrable persona he put on out on the ice was gone. Instead he looked nervous, pinned under so many gazes.

As he approached, Viktor pulled out the chair beside him and Yuuri sat down, flashing him a grateful look. Then he looked back at the rest of the table, the other skaters schooling their features into ones of friendly greeting rather than their initial surprise at Yuuri’s unexpected appearance.

Viktor opened his mouth to speak but it was Chris who got there first, dropping his assessing gaze and instead pulling on his trademark smirk.

“Yuuri, welcome.” he greeted, voice light-hearted and his eyebrow raised. “We were just about to order. Are you familiar with eating Russian?”

Viktor kicked him as hard as he could under the table. Chris hid the pain well, only flinching a little but Viktor could see it all the same. He refused to feel any sympathy.

Thankfully, Yuuri seemed to miss the obvious innuendo in Chris’ words and instead just shook his head, seemingly completely oblivious. Chris shifted his legs out of Viktor’s reach and continued, a wicked gleam in his eyes all the while.

“Ah well, I guess Viktor can just order for you.” he added with a mock casual shrug. “I’m sure he’ll give you something that you like.”

Viktor shot Chris a very pointed glare at the second innuendo but broke the gaze as soon as he saw Yuuri looking. Fixing a smile onto his face he waved down a waiter and ordered a mixture of food, enough to satisfy everyone at the table.

Chris watched him, looking amused, and Viktor pointedly ignored him. He knew that the teasing was done in good humour but Yuuri was still determined to keep what was between them a secret. Much as he knew how much Chris disapproved of it, he couldn’t let his friend tip off the rest of the skaters at the table, nor let Yuuri know that Chris knew things between him and Viktor were very far from just rivalry.

Instead he turned to Yuuri, smiling at him and feeling his heart flutter as Yuuri looked back, eyes soft.

“How was your flight?” he asked and Yuuri shrugged, making a vague noise and wrinkling his nose up a little in distaste. Viktor could understand the sentiment. Long distance travel was unpleasant no matter how exciting the destination was and Yuuri had only recently arrived, had probably had little to no time to recover before coming to join them.

Before he had the chance to reply however Chris spoke again, this time in French. They were the only two at the table who shared it as a common language and Viktor recognised it for the privacy barrier that it was.

“He looks different tonight,” Chris told him, eyes flickering over to Yuuri and back to Viktor again. Viktor had told Chris everything that had happened in Moscow and Chris had taken it all in with a raised eyebrow and a contemplative frown. Now he was looking at Yuuri again, gaze assessing.

“He does,” Viktor agreed, glancing back at Yuuri. Yuuri had turned to talk to Michele, still looking a little nervous but smiling tentatively all the same. As he did so he subconsciously shifted back a little towards Viktor, angling his body slightly to Viktor’s own. Physically Yuuri looked much the same but there was something in his body language, in his gaze and in the tone of his voice that was so far from what it used to be.

“What are you thinking Chris?” he asked. Chris’ eyes had been on Yuuri ever since he stepped through the door, watching him intently. He might have been teasing him with innuendos only moments ago but there was something much more serious there, something that Viktor was yet to work out. Chris was usually very open with his thoughts and emotions but when he decided to hide he was completely unreadable.

“I’ll tell you when I know,” Chris replied, still watching Yuuri.

Chris had been outspoken from the beginning about his worry about Viktor’s choices regarding Yuuri and Viktor fully expected at some point that he would receive another lecture about how much better it would be for him to stay away. But there was plenty of time for that later. For now he just wanted to enjoy Yuuri’s company for as long as it would last.

He turned back to Yuuri as Michele looked away, smiling at him and watching as Yuuri’s lips quirked up in return.

“I saw your performance at the NHK Trophy,” he told Yuuri, noting the way Chris’ head turned to listen to the conversation too. Yuuri’s performance at the NHK had been breath-taking, not quite as stunning as his one at the Rostelecom Cup had been but sometimes the home pressure was known to throw skaters off. “The crowd there was quite something.”

“Um, yes,” Yuuri stuttered, face going red as he did so. Viktor had a reasonable idea as to why.

Yuuri’s fans where devotedly loyal and endlessly enthusiastic about their favourite skater and they weren’t afraid to show it. There were often numerous banners and posters displayed around the rink when Yuuri skated, showing messages of support and encouragement. Pictures of Yuuri too, captured as he skated, full of power and grace.

This year many seemed to have taken inspiration from Yuuri’s Eros skate and they had been wilder than ever. The screaming when he had taken to the ice had been deafening and, even though Viktor could understand none of the Japanese that was being yelled from the stands, he had a fair idea of what some of them might be saying. There were new banners too, some, to Viktor’s surprise, picturing Yuuri in Viktor’s old costume rather than the one he was wearing on the rink.

Viktor had the feeling those might be the reason why Yuuri had blushed at the mention of the competition. Many of the fan made posters had been rather…suggestive in nature in regard to the poses Yuuri was drawn in and Viktor had seen how red Yuuri had turned after he had finished skating when one fan had pressed one into his hand to be signed.

“It was nice being back home for a while.” Yuuri added, swiftly moving the conversation on. There was a fond look on his face when he said the word ‘home’.

“Do you ever miss it?” Viktor asked curiously. “Japan, I mean.”

He had thought before, how strange it must be for Yuuri to live so far away from the place he still called home. Away from his family, his friends. Away from his dog, who Viktor knew Yuuri must love with all his heart.

 Yuuri had initiated an unexpected contact between them during their weeks apart when he had sent Viktor a photograph of his pet poodle, a tiny little thing who looked like a miniature Makkachin and was gazing up at the person behind the camera adoringly. Viktor’s heart had melted at the sight and he had replied to express his love instantly, following it up with a photo of Makkachin in return. Makkachin, who had been mournfully slumped on the couch when he realised Viktor’s delighted cry of ‘It’s Yuuri!’ as the text had arrived did not mean that Yuuri had returned, had made the perfect subject for a picture. Viktor had sent it to Yuuri in return captioned, ‘Makkachin misses you.’ ‘I miss you too,’ was what he didn’t say.

Seeing Yuuri’s dog had warmed his heart but it had also made Viktor realise how hard it must truly be for Yuuri to stay away. He had a life back in Japan, a family, a dog just like Makkachin. And yet he had left it all behind to chase his skating dream and Viktor couldn’t help but be selfishly grateful for that. Without it, he and Yuuri might never have met. And a world without Yuuri in it was a world that didn’t bare thinking about.

“Yes, sometimes,” Yuuri replied after a long pause, shrugging a little as Viktor was jolted out of his thoughts. “I’ll go back someday. But for now it’s better to stay in Detroit, while I’m still skating at least.”

Viktor hummed in understanding. Yuuri’s home might be in Japan but his skating life had been built up far across the ocean and presumably he’d remain there until his skating days were over. But Yuuri was still young and still at the top of the game, his retirement wouldn’t come for years yet.

After that, the conversation flowed smoothly. Viktor’s attention was focused mostly on Yuuri and Yuuri’s was focused on him in return. They talked easily, as if they had never parted from each other all those weeks ago. Sometimes the conversation drifted to include the other skaters, all of them talking and laughing together as they tucked into the food when it arrived.

It was the most open Viktor had ever seen Yuuri around a larger group of people before. He was used to seeing Yuuri like this when they were alone but in public he tended to be far more reserved. Now however, Viktor could see him trying, striking up conversations with the other skaters, smiling more as the evening drew on.

Occasionally he stuttered to a halt, the conversation growing stilted or awkward and at those times Viktor stepped in, picking up the threads and diverting the attention away from Yuuri to give him time to compose himself and be ready to speak again. It had never occurred to Viktor before, not after seeing who Yuuri became out on the ice, confident and completely in control, but maybe he wasn’t quite as indifferent to the rest of the skating world as he often appeared. Maybe he was just shy.

The only one who didn’t seem to be fully enjoying the evening as it wore on was Chris. He still laughed and joked with the rest of the skaters but Viktor could feel the weight on his gaze on the pair of them all throughout the meal. Viktor recognised the look. It wasn’t one of judgement but instead one of deep thought. He wasn’t sure exactly what Chris was thinking about but he trusted that his friend would tell him in time.

When the evening finally drew to a close, Yuuri was looking cheerful and relaxed but tired all the same. Viktor was sure the jetlag must be finally catching up to him, the heavy weight of exhaustion was creeping up on him as well as the hours passed. The other skaters had begun to look ready to leave too, needing a good night’s sleep before the challenge the next day would bring, and they all finally decided to call it a night.

They headed back to the hotel as a group, splitting once they reached the lobby into separate lifts. Cao and Michele took one and he, Chris and Yuuri took the other. Chris hit the button for his floor and Viktor copied him, noting how Yuuri didn’t press another button. He must be staying on the same floor as one of them. Chris seemed to notice too because he glanced at Viktor, eyebrow raised, looking pointedly to Yuuri, then the buttons, then back to Yuuri again. It seemed that he thought there was a very different reason for Yuuri joining one of them on their floor.

Thankfully Chris didn’t comment and they spent the short journey in silence. Finally the doors dinged open onto Chris’ floor and he stepped out, glancing over his shoulder as he did so at the two still left in the lift.

“Sleep well,” he tossed back jokingly, his tone making it clear that he was sure that sleep would be the last thing on either of their minds.

Viktor considered it briefly for a moment but quickly dismissed the idea of offering. Yuuri looked far too tired tonight, finally letting out a yawn now that Chris was gone and rubbing his eyes, trying to clear them of sleep. He looked softer somehow, more vulnerable now that he and Viktor were alone.

As if sensing Viktor’s gaze Yuuri glanced up, his face still a little scrunched up from where he had been rubbing, nose crinkled and eyes bleary.

“You look like you could use a good night’s sleep,” Viktor commented, noting the way Yuuri’s shoulders had begun to droop with exhaustion. He must have been far more tired that even than he had let on but he had hidden it well. Yuuri just nodded, yawning again behind his hand and shaking his head a little as if to clear it.

“If you were tired you could have left early,” Viktor added. “No-one would have minded if you needed to sleep.”

Yuuri joining them had been a wonderful surprise but he could have ducked out at any time with jetlag as the excuse. Before Yuuri had the chance to answer however the doors slid open a second time, opening onto their floor. They walked out of the lift together as Yuuri answered, turning to Viktor as he spoke.

“No, I’m glad I stayed.” Yuuri told him as they walked. “It was…fun.”

At the final word he sounded almost surprised, as if he hadn’t been expecting dinner and socialisation to be enjoyable. It was a completely foreign concept for Viktor, he thrived on being surrounded by people and having attention fixed on him.

As Yuuri spoke he stopped at one of the doors lining the long corridor, digging into his pocket to pull out his keycard before looking up at Viktor again.

 “Good luck in the short program tomorrow,” he said with a smile and Viktor grinned back, feeling suddenly lighter at the words. For so long Yuuri had driven the rivalry between the two of them, had fought desperately to win and been crushed when he lost. It was almost a relief to hear him bid Viktor luck now, the potential for a friendlier sort of competition growing stronger with each time they met.

 “You too Yuuri,” he replied, feeling his smile widen but strangely, Yuuri’s seemed to drop. His eyes shifted from Viktor to glance down and away and he shifted on his feet, body language suddenly closing off again.

“Are you alright?” Viktor asked quickly, hearing the worry in his own voice. He had no idea what had caused the sudden change. Like so many times before, something he had said seemed to alter something in Yuuri’s demeanour without Viktor ever intending for it to do so.

“I’m fine,” Yuuri said, far too quickly. “I’m just thinking about skating tomorrow, that’s all.”

Viktor made a sudden noise of understanding, comprehension dawning. He had seen Yuuri like this before, the night before the Rostelecom Cup, although then he hadn’t quite recognised it for what it was. It was far from unusual for skaters to get nervous before big competitions and he could see it in Yuuri now, the nerves that he rarely allowed to show out on the ice.

But Yuuri had no need to be nervous. He was a phenomenal skater with a serious shot at taking home the gold. Skating was practically second nature to him by now and as long as he skated with the same determination and devotion that he usually did, nothing could go wrong.

“Just skate the way that you can honestly say you liked the best.” he advised, watching as Yuuri’s gaze finally flicked back up to look him in the eye. “And nothing will ever be able to hold you down.”

Viktor was sill intending to win the gold but if he lost to Yuuri it wouldn’t be unexpected. And if Yuuri took second place he would still have many reasons to celebrate, it was a feat some skaters never achieved in their entire careers. It was the competition that mattered, the joy in skating itself and the thrill of performing for the crowd.

It seemed that, for once, Viktor had managed to say something right and Yuuri relaxed, a small smile creeping back onto his face as he held Viktor’s gaze.

“Goodnight Yuuri,” Viktor told him, turning to finally walk away. If he stayed any longer he might blurt out something stupid like asking Yuuri to join him in bed. Not for anything but sleep, the way they had done for so many nights in Moscow. Then it had been a necessity, now it would be nothing but an indulgence. Irrational and pointless considering they both had their own rooms and their own beds, the desire born from nothing but the way Viktor missed waking up to find Yuuri beside him.

Not something that he could ask for here and now. Instead he continued to walk down the corridor, stopping only when he heard Yuuri speak from behind him.

“Goodnight Viktor,” Yuuri called down the corridor and Viktor turned back towards him, smiling at Yuuri one last time as Yuuri unlocked the door to his own room and slipped inside, disappearing from sight.

The smile didn’t leave him as he entered his own room, nor as he got ready for bed. It only faded when he finally lay down on the mattress, the bed far too big for one person alone. If the pattern continued the way it always had Yuuri would be there again soon, he could reassure himself of that. But never again in times like this, quiet moments to just lie together with nothing but each other to draw them together. That had gone as soon as Yuuri left Moscow and the convenient excuse of only one bed had left with him.

It had been a wonderful break from reality but now reality had returned and Viktor was forced to remind himself what they were, what they would always be. He would cherish the moments he had with Yuuri now and push away the wishes for more that even now were still creeping uninvited into his mind. He had to, for his own sake.

The competition the next day flew by in a blur of colour and sound. Chris was skating before him, wowing the audience with his latest routine, and then Yuuri. Since Rostelecom, Yuuri had altered his program components slightly, adding in an extra quad to raise the difficulty and pushing all of his jumps into the second half. It was a technique he had used in competition before, his impressive stamina on the ice allowing him to succeed where so many other skaters failed.

It was strange to see Yuuri skate the routine in his original costume but beautiful to watch all the same. His routine flowed seamlessly, Yuuri seeming perfectly relaxed and in control on the ice. Exuding eros from every pore as he skated, almost as seductive as he had been during the Rostelecom Cup and far more than at the NHK. His eyes had locked onto Viktor briefly during his performance and Viktor had been entranced by the heat there, the way Yuuri’s gaze was so full of promise.

When Yuuri was done, Viktor was the last to skate and he threw himself into his performance, relieved to see Yuuri watching from the side-lines. Yuuri might have sent Viktor a clear message through his last performance but Viktor could still skate the message to Yuuri in his without hesitation. It still applied, every word and every emotion. Just because he didn’t have Yuuri’s love didn’t lessen any of his own. And he had the beginnings of Yuuri’s friendship, his affection. He could make himself content with that.

His short program was inspired by Yuuri, directed at Yuuri. The song he had chosen was upbeat, fast paced, mimicking the way his heart raced when Yuuri was near, the way his life seemed suddenly brighter when Yuuri was in it. It was partially in Yuuri’s native language too, far from the first time he had used a song with lyrics in languages he couldn’t speak but special and pointed all the same.

As he skated he let his emotions spill into every move. The way that Yuuri had come into his life and changed everything, the way he had brought joy back into Viktor’s skating again. The way Yuuri seemed to shine out on the ice, entrancing everyone who watched. The way he lit up Viktor’s world, the way he seemed to glow when he smiled, quietly and privately happy in moments that Viktor felt privileged to witness.

Yuuri was special in so many more ways than one and he poured it all out into his routine, letting all his feelings for Yuuri rise to the surface the way he never could anywhere but the ice. It was about love but it was about so much more at the same time. Yuuri had brought much more to his life than just love and Viktor wanted to celebrate that too, to scream it to the world.

When he finished the routine he was breathing heavily, the exertion making him feel drained and yet exhilarated all the same. In the kiss and cry his scores came in, sending him straight to the top of the score table, above Yuuri himself. The score made a thrill of pride run through Viktor but he felt his heart drop again when he looked out into the crowd and saw Yuuri sitting with his coach’s arm wrapped comfortingly around him.

It was the cruel nature of their lives, that Yuuri inspiring him lead to Yuuri’s own demotion to second place. They could never be equals here, there was only one gold and only one of them could take it. And Viktor could skate his love and life to honour Yuuri but he could never deliberately hand him the gold. It wasn’t in his nature to lose and he would never disrespect Yuuri by ensuring him a win. And the challenge that came with winning because of the other man was what made it exciting, for Viktor at least.

But that didn’t detract from the creeping feeling of sadness at seeing Yuuri being comforted after Viktor finished skating. Yuuri had never taken losing well and there was no reason to believe that now was any different. Viktor just hoped that Yuuri would still want his company now that Viktor was sitting at the top of the leaderboard, and if he did that it wouldn’t be like the last time Yuuri had come to him after Viktor won, what seemed like so long ago now.

All he wanted to do was to speak to Yuuri, to congratulate him on his own beautiful program and to make sure that the easy company and friendliness that they had fallen into after Moscow hadn’t disappeared now that Viktor was ahead of Yuuri again. But there was no time. After the skating there were reporters to speak to, autographs to sign, interviews to do. An endless stream of people demanding his attention. When he finally extracted himself from them Yakov accosted him, insisting they eat together to discuss Viktor’s routine and his plan for the next day of competition. It was only much later that he finally arrived back at the hotel room, stumbling into the shower to wash the grime of the day from his skin and feeling exhausted and worn down. Skating was exhilarating but everything that came after could be draining when all he wanted to do was escape.

After pulling on some loose, comfortable clothes he flopped down onto his bed, picking up his phone and contemplating what he was going to say. He wanted to see Yuuri again but after beating the other man he wasn’t sure if Yuuri wanted to see him. Part of him desperately wanted to think that the connection that had grown between them was strong enough to withstand something like this but another part of him reminded him what had happened the last time Yuuri had lost. How he had reacted and how it had almost pushed them apart for good.

Suddenly he was jolted out of his thoughts by the sharp ping of his phone and he glanced down in surprise, expecting to see a text from Yakov or Chris. But instead it was Yuuri’s name that appeared on screen, making a sudden thrill of excitement run through Viktor as he read the message below.  

From: Yuuri

My room?

It was short and to the point but it made Viktor breathe a sigh of relief all the same. Yuuri still wanted to see him, he still had that if nothing else. How Yuuri would react to his presence was another matter entirely but he wouldn’t know until he saw Yuuri again. Yuuri had asked him to come and that was the important thing to focus on now. The rest could be dealt with later.

To: Yuuri

I’m on my way

Quickly Viktor scrambled to find his keycard, shoving it into his trouser pockets before looking down at the clothes he was wearing. They were comfortable, old and a little unflattering but Yuuri had seen him in far worse and rumpled from sleep in Moscow and he would hardly care by this point.

Instead Viktor simply glanced around the room one more time, making sure he wasn’t forgetting anything before stepping out into the hallway and making his way down the corridor to the door he had seen Yuuri enter the night before. Before he knocked he ran his hand through his hair one more time, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet and then reaching out to rap the wood sharply, the sound echoing through the silence of the corridor.

Barely a few seconds later the door opened to reveal Yuuri. Not dressed up like he had been the night before but relaxed, his hair falling softly over his forehead and his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. He expression was the same one of soft openness that had become so familiar and he smiled when he saw Viktor standing before him.

“Hey,” he greeted, stepping aside in an invitation for Viktor to enter.

“Hey,” Viktor replied, keeping his tone casual as he walked into the room and turned to look at Yuuri again. Quickly he assessed Yuuri’s face, looking for any hint of sadness or resentment there for the results that day.

“Congratulations on your short program,” Yuuri said instead, voice completely sincere and expression free from any kind of negative emotion.  Viktor felt a weight drop from his shoulders and he finally allowed himself to relax fully, smiling back at Yuuri and feeling suddenly lighter. It seemed that the results that day hadn’t affected Yuuri after all and he had called Viktor here for Viktor’s sake alone. Nothing had changed between them since Moscow, not even now that they were competitors again.

“And you too,” he replied, watching as Yuuri’s expression turned pleased and a little embarrassed under the praise. “You gave a wonderful performance. No-one could look away.”

Yuuri’s expression grew even happier with the compliment, still with an embarrassed flush to his cheeks but happy all the same, and Viktor stepped forward. Cupping his hand under Yuuri’s chin, running his thumb gently across the soft skin of Yuuri’s cheek. Revelling in the casually intimate touch and the way Yuuri allowed it so easily.

Yuuri tilted his head slightly into the touch, his eyes fluttering closed at the feeling. Then he reached up slowly, pressing his lips to Viktor’s in a gentle kiss.

The kiss was slow and unhurried, both of them savouring the feel and taste of each other’s mouths with no need to rush further ahead.  Viktor let the hand not caressing Yuuri’s face slide around his waist, putting light pressure on the small of Yuuri’s back to draw him in closer. As he did so, Yuuri’s shirt rode up a little and he pressed his fingers against the small strip of bare skin, allowing himself to enjoy the feeling of their skin pressed together.

In response Yuuri reached up to wind his arms around Viktor’s shoulders, pulling him in. Twining them together and still kissing Viktor softly, both of them relishing the simple feeling of each other.

They stayed kissing like that for a long time, desire gradually beginning to build between them but slowly and unrushed. Eventually Yuuri nipped at Viktor’s lip, a teasing gesture encouraging him on and Viktor laughed a little into Yuuri’s mouth before obliging and deepening the kiss. Tightening his grip on Yuuri’s back to press him closer and sliding his hand from Yuuri’s jaw to tangle in his hair instead. The position gave him better access and he licked deeper into Yuuri’s mouth, the pace of the kissing changing from slow and easy to something filled with far more passion.

Yuuri matched the change in the kissing instantly, digging his fingers deeply into Viktor’s skin and relaxing against him, his body moving in perfect tandem with Viktor’s own. Slowly his hands began to slide from Viktor’s shoulders, tracing the lines of his back until they reached the hem of his shirt. Eventually Yuuri’s fingers met with Viktor’s bare skin and he began his exploration anew, running his hands up under Viktor’s shirt and leaving hot trails wherever he went.

At the feeling of Yuuri’s wandering hands, Viktor allowed himself to explore too. Dragging his fingers across the bare strip of skin on Yuuri’s back, then dipping them lower. Reaching down to the curve of his ass, enjoying the feeling of it in his hands.

But as he did so Yuuri suddenly tensed, pulling back a little and Viktor jerked his hands away, worried he had overstepped. Yuuri’s face was flushed red and Viktor stepped back immediately, giving him space. As soon as he did so however Yuuri reached for him, hand locking in a tight grip around Viktor’s arm and keeping him from moving any further away.

“No, don’t go,” he blurted out, sounding surprisingly worried as Viktor pulled away and Viktor halted instantly. He knew that his confusion was written across his face and he could see the way Yuuri picked up on it, rushing to explain.

“It’s just…can we maybe um, not do that tonight? Not before the free skate.” Yuuri stuttered, the red flush creeping up over his ears and down his neck and Viktor let out a little laugh in relieved surprise.

“Of course.” he replied, moving closer again.  "After all, there’s plenty of other things that we can do.”

When Yuuri nodded Viktor drew him back into the kiss, gradually allowing it to grow more heated as the minutes wore on until Yuuri was panting into his mouth, shifting with impatience. Sensing his need, Viktor tugged on the hem of Yuuri’s shirt and Yuuri leant back, allowing Viktor to pull it over his head and toss it to one side. When he was free Yuuri returned the favour, discarding Viktor’s own shirt and then running his fingers hungrily over the skin of Viktor’s chest as they continued to kiss.

While Yuuri’s attention was distracted elsewhere, Viktor began guiding him backwards towards the bed, only breaking the kiss when Yuuri’s legs collided with the mattress and he was suddenly forced to sit. Viktor following him down, settling himself between the bracket of Yuuri’s legs as he lowered himself to the floor.

There was so much they hadn’t tried yet and so much he wanted to do. He wanted to get down on his knees for Yuuri, to make him feel good and come apart under Viktor’s touch. There hadn’t been time in Moscow but now was the perfect opportunity.

Running his hands up Yuuri’s legs he settled them on the thickness of his thighs, leaning up to capture Yuuri’s mouth in another kiss. Their positions put Yuuri above him for a change and Viktor bent his neck back, baring his throat as Yuuri returned the kiss. After a few more seconds of kissing he pulled away, looking up at Yuuri from under his eyelashes and watching Yuuri’s face as his eyes darkened in desire.

 “I never got the chance to reciprocate for last time,” he told Yuuri, watching as Yuuri’s eyes widened and a dark flush appeared on his cheeks. “I think it’s time I fixed that, don’t you?”

Yuuri nodded, swallowing heavily and Viktor traced the bob of his adam’s apple with his eyes before moving to pull down the zip of Yuuri’s trousers. He was glad that Yuuri had agreed. There was nowhere he wanted to be more than where he was now, on his knees in front of Yuuri and feeling the heat of Yuuri’s gaze on him as he watched.

Yuuri shivered a little as the cold air of the room hit his bare skin, Viktor sliding his trousers and underwear off in one swift movement, coaxing Yuuri to lift his hips so that Viktor could pull them free and discard them in a heap on the floor.

His hands were still grasping Yuuri’s legs and Viktor dipped his head down to allow his mouth to join them. Pressing light kisses to Yuuri’s inner thigh, gradually moving higher and higher. Relishing the way Yuuri shivered and gasped as Viktor mouthed over the sensitive skin. As he worked he trailed one of his hands up to the base of Yuuri’s cock, wrapping his fingers lightly around it and feeling as Yuuri jolted in his grip.

Although Yuuri remained silent, his body betrayed his desire and Viktor could sense his need. Gradually he moved, stroking Yuuri’s cock with firm, sure strokes and feeling as Yuuri shuddered with the sensation above him. As he did so he stopped pressing light kisses to Yuuri’s thigh, instead moving to suck and tease at the skin there, marking Yuuri in a place that only he could see. Inching higher and higher until his nose finally brushed the base of Yuuri’s cock and Yuuri let out a tiny whimper, breaking his silence.

Wanting to draw more noises out of Yuuri Viktor kissed him there too, pressing his lips to the heated skin before working his way up the shaft. In response he could see Yuuri’s fingers tighten on the bed in a vice-like grip, fingernails nearly tearing the sheets they were digging in so hard. Finally Viktor reached the tip of Yuuri’s cock, kissing there too before flicking his tongue out to taste the liquid that was beading on the tip.

Yuuri let out a choked gasp of pleasure at the feeling which encouraged Viktor on, dipping his head down to lick a stripe up Yuuri’s cock from the base to the tip and listening as Yuuri’s gasp quickly became a moan. All the while he kept his eyes fixed on Yuuri’s face, watching the way his eyelids fluttered in pleasure as he lost himself to the sensation.

When he sucked the tip of Yuuri’s cock into his mouth fully Yuuri finally let go, slumping back to lie flat on the bed as another shudder of pleasure wracked his body. Viktor continued to tease the head of Yuuri’s cock and he saw the way Yuuri brought up a hand to cover his mouth, stifling the needy sounds that he was making.

Viktor wanted to hear him, wanted to know what Yuuri sounded like when he lost control entirely and so he kept working, licking and sucking at the head of Yuuri’s cock until he could feel Yuuri’s thighs begin to tremble in his hands. It was only when Yuuri was shaking apart under his touch that he dipped his head down further, taking more and more of Yuuri into his mouth until Yuuri’s entire cock was encircled by the heat of his mouth and throat.

For a few seconds he allowed himself to adjust to the feeling, forcing his throat to relax around the intrusion and as he did so Yuuri let out a hitched cry, hips jerking involuntarily at the feeling of Viktor surrounding him. Wanting to hear more Viktor moved, pulling back almost completely to tease the tip of Yuuri’s cock again before sinking back down. Muffled whimpers were being pulled from Yuuri as Viktor moved but Viktor could tell he was still trying to stifle them. When he looked up he could see how Yuuri had bitten into the skin of his own arm, trying to keep the noises trapped inside.

Displeased at the obstruction of Yuuri’s noises of pleasure he pulled off completely, reaching out to tug gently at Yuuri’s arm and guiding it away from his face. There was a raised red bitemark in the warm skin there, a reminder of just how hard it had been for Yuuri to suppress his desire.

“Don’t hold back,” he murmured and Yuuri lifted his head to look down at him dazedly, eyes unfocused and breath heaving in his chest. “Let me hear you.”

Bending down he pressed another kiss to the head of Yuuri’s cock and this time Yuuri didn’t hold back the moan and Viktor could feel the sound reverberating through his body. Humming with pleasure at the unrestrained noise Viktor braced his hands on Yuuri’s thighs and took the rest of Yuuri in his mouth again, moving torturously slowly as Yuuri writhed above him.

The noises Yuuri made in response affected Viktor on an instinctual level, making heat pool in his gut as Yuuri panted and gasped above him. Voicing his pleasure out loud, completely unrestrained at last. He was so much louder than he had ever been before and Viktor loved it.

Finally Yuuri began to tense and Viktor moved faster, pushing Yuuri towards the edge. Yuuri’s toes curled and his grip on the sheets tightened.

“Viktor,” he gasped, arching up on the bed and digging his heels into the floor. “Viktor…I’m…”

For so long, Viktor had wanted to hear Yuuri say his name when they were like this together. Completely wrecked and full of desire. And while this wasn’t quite there, more a warning than a cry of pleasure, it was close and he hummed around Yuuri’s cock in approval before curling his tongue around the head and sucking one last time, Yuuri finally gasping and coming into his mouth.

Viktor swallowed his release greedily as he felt Yuuri go lax above him, sinking down into the bed with a contented sigh. After a few seconds he lifted his head, the movement slow and clumsy, watching as Viktor finished swallowing and wiped a hand over his lips, catching the last few traces that were left. Viktor looked back, savouring the way Yuuri looked completely boneless and wrecked, lying splayed out on the bed.

Loosely, Yuuri grabbed for Viktor, hand missing a few times in his blissed out haze before it finally found Viktor’s own. When it did Yuuri pulled Viktor up onto the bed to join him, Viktor crawling onto the mattress as Yuuri rolled gracelessly to one side to give him room. He was still panting and loose-limbed, face flushed and gazing at Viktor with a warm light in his eyes.

“Was it good for you?” Viktor asked and Yuuri huffed out a disbelieving laugh at the question, making Viktor preen a little in smug satisfaction. He could see exactly how much Yuuri had enjoyed it.

After a few more seconds of catching his breath Yuuri reached out for him, sliding across the bed until they were lying side by side and pulling Viktor into another kiss. Their kissing returned to the same lazy, unhurried pace it had been before and Viktor traced the line of Yuuri’s lips with his tongue, gasping a little when Yuuri reached down to palm him through his trousers.

“Can I?” Yuuri asked and Viktor nodded, drawing Yuuri back into the kiss and helping as Yuuri unzipped his trousers and allowed Viktor to kick them away. Sliding even closer so that they were pressed chest to chest he reached for Viktor’s cock, jerking it to the same slow, unhurried pace as their kissing as Viktor reached back to slide his hands over Yuuri’s bare skin.

Gradually Viktor felt the heat begin to build and his breathing sped up, Yuuri’s steady hand guiding him towards the end. Wanting to taste more of Yuuri he moved from kissing his mouth to pressing kisses along the line of his jaw, mouthing down his neck and to the hollow of his throat where he could feel the pulse of Yuuri’s heart. Placing a final kiss there he buried his face into the crook of Yuuri’s neck, breathing in his scent and allowing the waves of pleasure to roll through him.

It all felt to perfect and peaceful, the two of them pressed together like there was nothing in the world that existed between them.

“I love you,” he murmured, the words of his native tongue sounding quietly intimate in the air around them. “I love you so much.”

He might not be able to say it properly but he could say it like this, in words that Yuuri couldn’t understand when the love inside him grew too big for him to be able to hold it on his own.

As he spoke Yuuri twisted his wrist in a move that had Viktor shuddering and finally coming, spilling over Yuuri’s hand and his own chest as he pressed himself into Yuuri’s skin and clung on.

“Viktor?” Yuuri whispered, a question in his tone at the foreign words but Viktor didn’t reply. Instead they just lay together, basking in each other’s warmth until Yuuri finally pulled away. Slipping into the bathroom to clean his hand and returning with a damp cloth for Viktor. Viktor cleaned up the mess on his own chest before Yuuri returned it to the bathroom, padding back into the bedroom and slipping into bed again. This time he crawled under the covers, holding the duvet up in invitation.

For a second, Viktor froze. Yuuri was asking him to stay the night in his room, something that they had never done before. Usually they were in Viktor’s, or Yuuri had left without staying. Somehow being asked to remain in Yuuri’s personal space felt…intimate, in a way that he hadn’t realised he wanted until he had it.

Yuuri must have picked up on his hesitance because his face fell and he dropped the covers quickly, wrapping his arms around himself as he spoke.

 “Sorry. I know you must have to go,” he said quickly and Viktor hastened to respond.

“No,” Viktor blurted out, not wanting Yuuri to misunderstand his meaning. Leaving was the absolute last thing on his mind. “It’s not that. It’s just.” He bit his lip. “We’ve never stayed in your room before.”

“Oh. I guess we haven’t,” Yuuri replied, sounding confused at the statement and Viktor decided not to elaborate. Instead he just climbed into the bed next to Yuuri and snuggled down into the warmth of the blankets and Yuuri’s body heat beside him.

As they lay together, Viktor thought. He always enjoyed their times together but he had especially loved now. Feeling close and special and intimate and being able to bring Yuuri pleasure until he was speechless with it. It wasn’t that he hadn’t enjoyed the times that came before but for so long Yuuri had seemingly sought after one thing and one thing alone from him. It was only recently that that had begun to change.

It was nice, to know that Yuuri was seeking new things with him. And the more he wanted to experiment, the more that Viktor could bring him, the less likely it was that Yuuri would leave. Viktor could keep him interested and he would stay, maybe even after retirement had finally crept up on them both. Yuuri seemed so much more comfortable with him now, happy and friendly and willing to spend time in Viktor’s presence outside of the rink and the bedroom. Staying in contact was definitely not out of the question and if he could keep Yuuri interested in him, he could keep Yuuri coming back. As friends, lovers, however Yuuri wanted them to be.

And if Yuuri had decided to branch out with him, maybe Viktor could ask for what he had been angling for for a long time now. He wanted Yuuri in him too, had expected that that would be how their first night would go before Yuuri made it very clear otherwise and had continued to make clear many times after. Yuuri had never asked before but they were walking into new territory together now and maybe they could finally switch things up every now and then and he could have Yuuri the way Yuuri always had him.

As if sensing his thoughts, Yuuri threw him a questioning glance. Viktor propped himself up on his elbow, angling himself towards Yuuri as they lay together and tried to think of how to voice his thoughts out loud.

He wanted to know if he was right in assuming that Yuuri was willing to try different things with him but he wasn’t quite sure how to ask. He had always assumed that if Yuuri wanted something he would say, he usually made his desires very clear after all. But after their slight hiccup at the beginning of the night he now wasn’t so sure.

“Yuuri,” he started, trying out the words hesitantly and watching for Yuuri’s reaction. “If there’s anything else you want to try with me, you’ll tell me won’t you?”

Yuuri looked a little taken aback by the question, blinking at him in surprise.

“What?” he asked, sounding confused, propping himself up too so that they were level.

“When we sleep together.” Viktor clarified, watching as Yuuri’s eyebrows furrowed a little as he took in the words. “If there’s anything else that you want, you can always ask. You know that don’t you?”

 “What else would I want?” Yuuri replied, still frowning at Viktor like he was trying to see inside his head and pick out the lines of thought that were present there.

“There’s a lot of things we’ve never done before,” Viktor explained, eyes flicking very briefly away as he tried hard not to blush. There was so much he still wanted to try with Yuuri. And it would make him feel closer to the other man somehow, like their times together weren’t just a string of one night stands, where every encounter was more or less the same, but something more. Exploring each other and their desires more fully than either of them had before, whatever those desires may be. Sharing their fantasies and working together to fulfil them. Feeling comfortable enough with each other to ask and try new things that they hadn’t done together before. Just like they had that night.

“There must be more that you want.” he continued. “Things you’ve done with your other lovers. All you have to do is ask.”

Yuuri had hardly been a blushing virgin when they had first shared the night and he was lusted after by thousands, skaters and fans alike. He had been coming to Viktor for no strings attached fun for years now but they only ever saw each other twice a year at most. Viktor was sure that Yuuri must have tried different things with the other people he shared his time with in the long months when they were parted. And he wanted to be able to fulfil Yuuri’s wants and desires, found so much of his own pleasure in making Yuuri feel good. To do that, he needed to know what else Yuuri might like to try, and to know if Yuuri desired the same things he did.

Surprisingly, Yuuri only looked more confused at his words and Viktor rushed to continue.

“What else do you like?” he added. He wanted to know what Yuuri would be willing to try with him, what pleasures he would trust Viktor to share and how Viktor could keep making him feel as good as he had done just minutes previously.

The room was dark but to his surprise, Viktor could see the way Yuuri’s cheeks had flushed a dark red at his words, the way he expression became one of embarrassment as he fumbled with his next words.

“I’ve never…well…you know,” Yuuri motioned between the two of them with a jerky, hesitant gesture as his blush deepened. “With anyone else.”

Everything in Viktor’s brain ground to a halt.

“What?” he blurted out, shooting up in surprise and staring down at Yuuri in shock. Bizarrely, Yuuri looked just as surprised as he did, jerking back at the reaction and staring up at Viktor in complete confusion.

Blushing harder, Yuuri averted his eyes and cleared his throat, looking incredibly awkward as he fumbled for words. Part of Viktor wanted to feel bad for making Yuuri feel so embarrassed but he couldn’t focus on anything right now other than what Yuuri had just told him.

“I’ve never slept with anyone else before,” Yuuri told him, voice sounding stronger and more confident now as he looked back at Viktor. “Just you.”

“Just…me?” Viktor parroted faintly.

He had always thought that he was one of many, that their encounters meant little to Yuuri. From the way Yuuri had acted in the beginning it certainly seemed that way. And even as they had grown more tender and Yuuri had begun to stay the night, there was no reason for Viktor to believe that Yuuri had been waiting for him. He might have been unable to touch anyone else now that Yuuri was in his life but they had no committed relationship between them and no promise to stay true. Yuuri was under no obligation to be with no-one else when they were apart.

But apparently, despite that, there had been no-one else for Yuuri. No-one he desired other than Viktor, no-one he sought out in the long months that they were parted. He might still not want their relationship to extend beyond the casual but Viktor was his one, the only one he had chosen. That had to mean something.

But before Viktor could open his mouth to voice any of his thoughts out loud he was suddenly hit with another realisation, knocking the air out of his lungs. Yuuri had said he had never been with anyone the way he had been with Viktor before. That meant that Viktor wasn’t just the only person he was currently sleeping with but the only person he had ever slept with. No-one else, not once.

Suddenly feeling panicked, Viktor caught Yuuri’s hand in his, looking into his eyes and trying to read the truth there.

 “So that time, at the banquet, that was your first time?” he asked and Yuuri replied with a hesitant ‘yes’, somehow looking even more confused than he had before.

“God Yuuri, I’m so sorry,” Viktor began, feeling the panic rise in him for real now. The revelation that he was the only one instead of one of many was a pleasant one, very pleasant in fact, but that was overshadowed by his steadily mounting regret.

He had enjoyed their first night together and he knew that Yuuri definitely had too. And Yuuri had initiated it, acting so confident that Viktor never would have dreamed that it was his first time. But it had been. And Viktor hadn’t known, hadn’t treated him with the extreme gentleness that he would have done if he had. He had followed Yuuri’s lead, rough and fast and heavy because that was what Yuuri made it clear he wanted and Viktor had loved it too. But if he had known…

If he had known he would have taken it so much slower, been so much more gentle. Yuuri had trusted him with his first time, something that Viktor was still trying to comprehend. He himself had lost his virginity to a fellow skater after a competition, a long time ago now but it hadn’t been particularly notable, a lot of awkward fumbling and embarrassment for them both. But years later and Yuuri had been far from his first and he could have done so much better for Yuuri. Made it far more special and worthy of a first time than he did.

If he’d known he wouldn’t have moved so fast. Instead he would have kissed Yuuri gently and teased him for hours, drawing pleasure out of his body with his mouth and fingers until Yuuri was coming apart at the seams.

“Why?” Yuuri asked at his apology, still looking so, so confused at Viktor’s reaction.

“I didn’t know,” Viktor mumbled, running his hand through his hair in agitation and trying to calm the racing of his heart. “I didn’t know. If I’d known I wouldn’t have…”

He trailed off, not quite sure how to voice what he was trying to say. Yuuri wasn’t fragile or breakable, he knew that. Yuuri had been the one to demand they go fast and rough until they were both lost to pleasure. But Viktor still couldn’t help the instinctive worry that was running through him with this sudden new knowledge. He had never been anyone’s first before and he didn’t know how to do it right. He could have been so much more careful, would have treated Yuuri more like glass if he had known. 

“If I’d known…Yuuri I’m so sorry.” he told Yuuri, hearing the desperate honesty in his own voice. Yuuri clearly had enjoyed himself as much as Viktor had, had kept coming back for more, but Viktor couldn’t help the regret all the same. “I would have been so much more careful. I would have gone slower. I wouldn’t have…not the way I did.”

Finally Yuuri’s face cleared of confusion and instead morphed into an expression of understanding. Their hands were still clasped together and he rubbed his thumb over Viktor’s fingers soothingly, almost as if Viktor were a frightened animal he was trying to calm.

“Don’t worry,” Yuuri said and Viktor could read the sincerity in his voice. There was absolutely no regret or placation there, only genuine honesty. “It was what I wanted.”

Viktor could feel the relief flood through him at the words and the open honesty in Yuuri’s voice. The worry must still have been showing on his face though because Yuuri pulled him to lie back down, shifting closer and speaking again.

“It’s fine Viktor,” Yuuri told him with a smile, looking perfectly content. “It’s more than fine.”

Viktor tried to smile back, not sure how the expression looked with the shock of the two massive revelations still written across his face. At Yuuri’s assurance he allowed the worry to fade, letting relief replace it.

 It might not have been how he would have approached taking Yuuri’s virginity if it had been his choice but he wasn’t the one who mattered. Yuuri was. And he had given Yuuri everything he asked for, had followed Yuuri’s lead and here Yuuri was now telling him that it was exactly what he had wanted. It was the only kind of assurance that Viktor could accept, that he had done exactly as Yuuri desired for his first time and that Yuuri had no regrets.

With that worry dispelled by Yuuri’s assurance he lay back, finally able to focus on the first revelation again. Yuuri relaxed beside him but there was still tension strung throughout Viktor’s body as he mulled over what he now knew.

He had been so wrong and he felt blind to have not seen it before now. And it felt like his whole world had been tilted on its axis because Yuuri had been with no-one but him and suddenly everything was different now. Truths he believed to be entirely set in stone now crumbling away like sand before his eyes.

“No-one else?” he asked, just to make sure one more time. To prove to himself that this wasn’t some kind of bizarre dream, that the conversation really had happened.

“No,” Yuuri replied, then added, “It’s late Viktor. We should probably both get to sleep if we want to be awake in time for the free skate tomorrow.”

Yuuri had a point, it was relatively late and they both needed to be on their best form for tomorrow. But Viktor couldn’t seem to calm his racing mind. Yuuri lay back, closing his eyes but Viktor’s remained open, staring at the ceiling.

He just couldn’t work out what it all meant. And he couldn’t ask, there was no reason to pry into Yuuri’s private life as to why he had chosen no other since they had been together. Yuuri had shut him down every time he tried to ask loaded questions like that before and there was no reason for now to be any different. But Viktor desperately wanted to know.

Had Yuuri been with no-one else simply because he had no interest in anyone else? And why Viktor? Why was he the one chosen? Yuuri had hated him their first time, had said it out loud and had continued to hate him for years afterwards. And even now that it seemed that his hatred was truly fading away for good, he still didn’t love Viktor, he had made that much very clear. Had refused to answer the questions Viktor desperately wanted to ask, had warned him away from speaking about anything serious to do with them, had replied to the messages Viktor sent in his skating with a blatant one of his own. But Viktor was still his first. His only. And surely that meant something at least?

None of it made any sense, pieces of a puzzle that just didn’t match up. But that was Yuuri through and through, a bundle of contradictions wrapped in a mystery that Viktor had long accepted he would never fully solve.

And he loved Yuuri. On top of all else he loved him, had loved him when he thought that he was just one of the people Yuuri chose to share his bed with and loved him now as the only one. That was the only truth that he could really understand, that was so rock solid that nothing would ever be able to break it.

“Viktor?” Came a voice from beside him and Viktor jumped, startled out of his thoughts and turning to see Yuuri looking at him, gaze questioning. “What is it?”

Yuuri must have noticed his contemplation as Viktor was lost to thought. Thinking on his love for Yuuri, how blatantly he had showed it in so many different ways and how there was still a dull ache in his heart when he remembered that Yuuri didn’t feel the same. That what they had was all Yuuri wanted and how Viktor had agreed to continue anyway and now had to make himself content with that.

“Nothing,” he said finally, forcing a smile onto his face. Then he added, “It’s nothing you don’t already know at least.”

Yuuri just looked at him, face closing off at the implication in Viktor’s words and then nodded, confirming his understanding before he lay back down and closed his eyes, turning away from Viktor again. He knew, they both knew that he knew, but they didn’t speak of it. They never did. Yuuri never wanted to and Viktor never dared, least he drive Yuuri away for good.

Viktor lay down too, staying close to Yuuri and listening to the rise and fall of his breathing in the dark. Their conversation had given him a lot to think about but eventually he began to drift off, the tiredness of the day finally catching up to him.

He was the first to fall asleep, drifting off into the darkness. That night he dreamed of the sound of Yuuri gasping his name, the feel of Yuuri’s heated skin under his fingers and the knowledge that he was the one Yuuri had chosen to be privileged enough to be allowed touch him.

Viktuuri.png

lovelytitania

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#Viktuuri  #NEVER GET OVER THIS #my drawings

2,497 notes

under-the-red-beenie

I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THE FREE SKATE TOMORROW

#figure skating #Katsuki Yuuri #Viktor Nikiforov #Christophe Giacometti #JJ Leroy #Cao Bin #Michele Crispino

236 notes

thisissoeffingbeautiful

All I ask in this world is that Viktor wins gold this year! He deserves it and he might not have much time left

#figure skating #Viktor Nikiforov

1,267 notes

vanella96

Prayer circle for Yuuri to keep up his winning streak this year!

#figure skating #Katsuki Yuuri

1,042 notes

Viktor Nikiforov and Retirement – Figure Skating’s Big Question

Everyone knows that Nikiforov is going to have to retire soon. I know he’s never mentioned it before but he’s 27, he’ll either go by choice or he’ll go by injury but either way it’ll happen in the next few years for sure.

The big question now is just when is he planning on retiring? This season? The next one? Until he physically cannot skate anymore. Some people say he’s planning on retiring after this season is over but just hasn’t announced it yet and it sent the fandom into a panic. So I decided to put together a list of all the pros and cons that support and disprove this theory to see how based in truth it might actually be

Read More

#Viktor Nikiforov #Figure Skating

Source: theladyofravenclaw

969 notes

The next day seemed to pass very quickly, the competition rushing by as the free skates were performed and the scores were awarded. Yuuri scored exceptionally highly, just scraping below his personal best, as did Viktor. When Yuuri walked out of the kiss and cry he was beaming and to Viktor’s surprise, that smile hardly dropped even when Viktor’s own scores were announced. Yuuri looked a little resigned, a little disappointed but he still smiled brightly at Viktor in congratulations and it made Viktor’s heart soar.

No matter where else they were in their relationship, it seemed like the bitter rivalry on Yuuri’s end was finally behind them. Now they were just competitors, pushing each other to do better and congratulating each other on a program well performed no matter who placed higher. Accepting their losses when they came and still able to slip into easy comfort and familiarity in private. Rivals still but friendly ones, just like Viktor had always wanted.

Yuuri had been in his life for so long now that Viktor couldn’t imagine a life without him. And he was so happy that they had finally ended up here. From Yuuri glaring to Yuuri smiling up at where Viktor stood above him on the podium and waving proudly to the crowd with a silver medal slung around his neck.

One his other side stood Chris and Viktor felt a swell of pride for his friend. He knew that Chris still desperately wanted to win gold, that bronze wasn’t what he had been hoping for, but Viktor was proud of him all the same. Chris had achieved more in his career than so many other skaters in their lifetimes and it always made Viktor feel especially content when he was on the podium too. Viktor’s two favourite skaters standing beside him as they celebrated their victories.

Chris didn’t seem to be basking in the praise and attention though. He didn’t seem upset either but he wasn’t looking at the cameras. Instead he had his head turned to the side, gazing past Viktor to where Yuuri stood across from him. Yuuri glanced away from where he had been gazing up at Viktor to look at Chris and then turned forward again, facing the cameras. Viktor was forced to glance away too, needing to focus on the press for the moment but he couldn’t shake the strange look in Chris’ eyes from his mind.

When they all finally escaped the crush of the press he caught up to Chris to head back to the hotel together, both of them needing to prepare for the banquet that night. For a few minutes they talked aimlessly about the skating that day, sharing praise but finally Viktor turned the conversation to the question he had been dying to ask.

“Why were you looking at Yuuri on the podium today?” he asked, noting as all the cheer dropped from Chris’ face to be replaced by a carefully guarded expression. “And at the restaurant as well. What are you thinking Chris?”

Chris paused for a while, seeming to search out the right words and then finally he spoke.

“Yuuri seems…different.” he finally settled on, looking contemplative. “Different when he’s around you. It got me thinking…”

Chris trailed off again, gaze flickering off into the distance before returning to Viktor with full intensity.

“Viktor,” Chris asked. “Are you sure that Yuuri knows how you feel about him? I know you’re about the least subtle person in the world, you practically fall at his feet whenever he’s around and you’ve been shouting about it in your programs for years. But are you sure?”

Viktor just nodded, trying not to think too hard about it. If Yuuri’s message at Rostelecom hadn’t been enough then his confirmation the night just passed had sealed the deal.

Chris shook his head, looking bemused. “I know I’ve been warning you to end it for years.” he added. “And I stand by that, if you’re sure all Yuuri wants is casual. You deserve more if that’s what you’re looking for. But I’ve never seen him act around anyone else the way he does around you.”

“I’m not going to end it Chris, you know that,” Viktor replied, feeling a pleased thrill run through him at Chris’ words. It was true that after Moscow Yuuri had been so different around him and it gave him hope for friendship and closeness in the future, even if his love was never returned.

“I know,” Chris nodded but before he could turn away Viktor caught his arm, sensing the opportunity to unload some of the confusion and hope twisting in him to someone that might be able to help him decide what to do about it.

“Chris…” he began slowly and Chris nodded, looking suddenly serious. “You know how you told me that it was stupid to stay exclusive since there’s no real relationship or commitment and Yuuri wouldn’t be.”

“Yes?” Chris asked cautiously, looking apprehensive as to where the conversation was heading.

“He is,” Viktor blurted out, needing to tell someone at least. “Exclusive I mean. With me.”

There was no-one but Chris he would trust with that information, he knew that Chris would take it to his grave if Viktor asked. “Ever since we’ve been together, he hasn’t been with anyone but me.”

He chose his words carefully, deliberately concealing the other truth that Yuuri had revealed to him that night. Their mutual exclusivity had changed his entire perspective on their relationship and he needed a friend’s advice on what it could mean. But the fact that he had been Yuuri’s first wasn’t his story to tell. That was private to Yuuri and he wouldn’t betray Yuuri’s trust by revealing it to anyone.

“What?” Chris asked, mouth dropping open at he stared at Viktor in shock. “You mean to tell me that for three years, he’s been sleeping with nobody but you.”

Viktor just nodded, feeling almost irrationally pleased at the surprise on Chris’ face. Yuuri had chosen him and only him during all that time, even though he didn’t have to, and it made warmth and happiness creep into his chest at the thought.

“Well,” Chris said a little dazedly, blinking a little and clearly trying to pull his thoughts back into some semblance of an order. “Aside from the fact that you definitely both should have been visiting each other during the off season for sex holidays because twice a year is a criminally small amount if both want it and you’re exclusive, this is…”

He trailed off, trying to think of the right word.

“…unexpected.” he finally finished and Viktor nodded.

“I was surprised too,” he agreed. “But Chris, what does this mean? Does it mean anything?”

“I don’t know,” Chris sighed, running a hand down his face and looking weary all of a sudden. “I really don’t know. He used to loathe you when you first got together, I know that for sure. And unless he’s lying to you, which I doubt because he doesn’t seem like the type, I have no idea why he chose you and only you when he still hated you and neither of you even agreed to stay exclusive in the first place. And now he’s acting differently around you but from what you’ve told me he’s made it pretty clear that he doesn’t feel the same as you do. So I just…don’t know. Not for sure at least.”

“I don’t know either,” Viktor agreed. He had hoped that Chris would be able to offer some new insight but it was unsurprising that he couldn’t. This was between him and Yuuri after all.

Eventually their conversation moved on, Chris advising him that he was either going to have to ask Yuuri the questions himself or live in ignorance. Neither option sounded particularly appealing. They talked all the way back to the hotel, parting finally to go to their respective rooms and prepare for the banquet.

The banquets were usually tedious affairs, forcing himself to smile and flatter and play nice with everyone from sponsors to ISU officials to other skaters. Gracefully accepting their praise, all empty words that he had heard a thousand times before.

Chris was there too at least, stealing a few moments with him when he could after fighting through their respective hoards of well-wishers, as was Yuuri. Yuuri had his own crowd surrounding him and Viktor only managed to catch his eye to smile at him before the hoards drew them apart again. It wasn’t until late in the evening, when the event was finally beginning to wind down, that they were able to speak.

“Congratulations on your win,” was the first thing that Yuuri said to him and Viktor returned the compliment with a smile. Most of the crowds had drifted away, many deciding to finally retire for the night and there was a semblance of privacy between them. Yuuri moved closer to him, eyes suddenly looking open and inviting as he pressed close. Subtly seductive, invisible to the people around him but very noticeable to Viktor all the same.

“The banquet is over now,” he said, voice suddenly low and laced with invitation. Viktor swallowed heavily. Usually he and Yuuri only shared one night together at a competition and he hadn’t dared hope for more. But he couldn’t miss the implication in Yuuri’s tone, nor the one in his body language.

“I think there’s still time for us to…celebrate some more,” he added when Viktor didn’t speak and Viktor could feel himself flushing slightly under the intensity of Yuuri’s gaze.

“Alone?” he clarified, the words sounding stupid and ungainly coming from his mouth as he stumbled over it.

“Alone,” Yuuri confirmed, slipping his hand into Viktor’s and tugging gently. Leading him away from the banquet and out into the corridor, stepping into one of the lifts together silently. There was no need for words, there was already an unspoken understanding between them.

 “My room?” Viktor suggested as they walked along the corridor and Yuuri nodded. When they reached the door, Viktor fumbled in his pocket for a minute for his keycard and then finally drew it out, unlocking the door and allowing Yuuri to lead the way inside. Viktor followed him, reaching out as Yuuri turned around again to cup Yuuri’s cheek in his hand like he had done the night before.

Something in him expected it to be like their last time, slow and unhurried and lazy. Instead he felt a flash of surprise as Yuuri grabbed him by the lapels of his suit and yanked him down into a kiss, already deep and needy from the minute that their lips met. Using the hidden strength his figure concealed he pressed Viktor back into the closed door, Viktor’s back meeting it with a thump as Yuuri continued to kiss him fiercely.

Viktor had no idea what had caused the change but it seemed like something had flipped Yuuri’s switch because he was kissing like he wanted to consume, pressing closer to Viktor and slotting one leg between Viktor’s own, increasing the friction between them. After a few seconds he pulled back, mouth open and panting as he stared at Viktor, waiting. Viktor responded instantly, pulling Yuuri back into the kiss and locking his fingers tightly into Yuuri’s hair as he did so.

Yuuri’s own hands traced the lines of his body, running over his clothed chest and hips, each touch exploratory and greedily seeking out every part of Viktor that they could find. So much more desperate than he had been just the day before.

Maybe it was something to do with the fact that it was their last night together, Viktor reasoned. After this they wouldn’t meet again until Worlds which was months from now. Maybe that was what caused Yuuri to kiss him so desperately, to move this forward so fast when before there had been no rush.

Not that Viktor was complaining. Not in the slightest. Instead he allowed Yuuri to manoeuvre him into a better position, kissing back just as passionately as he let Yuuri set the pace. The prospects of months apart was unpleasant and he wanted to savour the taste of Yuuri while he still could. If Yuuri wanted hot and needy and desperate then he was more than happy to comply.

Within a few minutes Yuuri’s fingers had slid to the buttons on his shirt, popping them open quickly and running his hands up under the fabric to push it and the suit jacket off Viktor’s shoulders. Eagar to help Viktor shrugged the clothes off, pulling back from Yuuri to tug the tie quickly from his neck as well and toss it aside.

When that task was complete he reached up to Yuuri’s own shirt, fumbling his way through opening the buttons as Yuuri pulled off his suit jacket and tie impatiently, discarding his shirt soon after. As soon as his hands were free he brought them up to rest on Viktor’s face, guiding him down into a kiss again as Viktor ran his hands over the firm muscles of Yuuri’s newly exposed chest and back.

The heat and passion that had rapidly build between them was making desire curl hot in Viktor’s chest. Finally Yuuri pulled back, lips red raw from kissing and breathing heavily.

“Bed?” he asked and Viktor nodded in agreement, following as Yuuri hurried over to the mattress. Instead of getting onto it however, Yuuri instead walked to one of the bedside drawers, pulling it open and withdrawing the items from within.

As soon as he had them he kicked off his shoes and crawled onto the bed, crossing the mattress quickly and pulling Viktor down to join him as Viktor followed suit. Lying flat on the mattress he guided Viktor to kneel above him, Viktor dipping his head down to meet Yuuri in another heated kiss.

It was fast and rough and desperate and yet perfect at the same time. Briefly Viktor wondered about asking Yuuri what had brought on such a sudden and abrupt change but he pushed away the thought. There would be time for that later. Instead he returned Yuuri’s greedy touches with his own, running his hands over every inch of skin that he could reach as Yuuri did the same in return.

Eventually Viktor pulled back, sitting back on his heels to admire the sight Yuuri made. Already looking completely wrecked and perfect at the same time, temptation in human form. As he moved back Yuuri frowned a little at the loss, reaching up to pull Viktor back into the embrace and Viktor went with him, leaning down to undo the fastening’s of Yuuri’s trousers as he did so. Yuuri quickly returned the favour and they soon rid themselves of the last of their clothes, returning to kissing the minute they were free.

The feeling of Yuuri’s hands on his skin and the hot press of his lips on Viktor’s own was causing the heat in Viktor to build, fuelled by the noises Yuuri was making into his mouth as he kissed. He wanted to keep Yuuri sounding like that, would do whatever Yuuri wanted because Yuuri was acting far more needy that Viktor had ever seen him before and Viktor was happy to provide whatever he desired.

With one hand, Yuuri fumbled across the bed to where he had tossed the lube and condom, fingers grasping the little bottle and pressing it into Viktor’s grip. Pulling back from the kiss but still holding Viktor close, nails biting into his skin as Yuuri clung on, as though Viktor was going to disappear at any moment.

“Do you want me to…” Viktor began, wondering if this was finally the time to ask about change but before he could finish the sentence Yuuri had flipped himself over, bracing himself on his hands and knees and pushing back into Viktor’s touch, making his desires clear.

“Please,” Yuuri said and his voice cracked on the word, full of emotion.

The sight was almost enough to make Viktor finish then and there. He had wondered if maybe this would be the night they finally changed things around but Yuuri was rocking back into him, turning his head over his shoulder to pull Viktor into another opened-mouthed kiss as he did so and Viktor decided that that conversation could definitely wait for another time.

He had never seen Yuuri like this before, so needy, seeking Viktor touch like it was the last time he would ever feel it. And now that he knew Yuuri was open for trying different things with him, now that he knew that he was the only one and the chances of Yuuri returning to him year after year had increased immensely, there was no rush. If this was what Yuuri wanted in this moment he could provide happily and there would be plenty of opportunities in the future for Viktor to ask about some of his other desires.

With one hand Yuuri urged Viktor closer to him, head still turned to kiss him as he pulled Viktor to kneel draped over his back. With the other he took Viktor’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers together and guiding it over the skin of his hips and back, over the curve of his ass to finally dip down lower.

 “Please,” he said again and Viktor was powerless to refuse.

With his free hand he uncapped the bottle of lube, untangling his grip from Yuuri’s to pour some onto his fingers. Yuuri’s hand locked lightly around his wrist again and he guided Viktor’s hand back to his own body, hissing a little at the coldness of the liquid against his heated skin. Viktor pulled back immediately but the hand on his wrist stopped him, Yuuri’s gaze still fixed on him where his head was turned over his shoulder and eyes burning in the darkness of the room.

“No, keep going,” he urged, reaching back for Viktor to pull him into another kiss and Viktor complied. Rubbing his fingers together to warm them before pushing the first gently into Yuuri’s body, feeling Yuuri gasp into his mouth as he did so.

Despite how quickly they had moved from the minute they had entered the room, he took his time opening Yuuri up. Making sure he was slick and ready before adding another finger, teasing him for a long time as they kissed before finally adding a third and a fourth. Savouring the noises he was able to pull out of Yuuri, the little gasps and whines and pants as Yuuri rocked back onto his fingers, drawing them deeper inside himself and shuddering into Viktor’s touch when they hit the exact right spot.

Beneath them both, Yuuri was growing hard and Viktor reached around to stroke his cock as he worked Yuuri open, Yuuri finally breaking the kiss to press his face into the mattress and raise his hips up as the pleasure rolled through him. Pushing his body back into Viktor’s touch as Viktor moved from kissing his lips to pressing kisses to the skin of his back, hot and open mouthed and greedy, wanting to taste every part of him.

Viktor was sure that he could get off through this alone, bringing Yuuri pleasure and listening to him voice it out loud and unrestrained. He would be happy to simply finish Yuuri with his fingers alone but it seemed that Yuuri had a different desire in mind. Gradually his muscles began to tense as Viktor teased him closer and closer to the edge and he lifted his head from the mattress again, leaning back over his shoulder to draw Viktor into another kiss while with his other hand he gently tugged on Viktor’s wrist, his fingers slipping free from Yuuri’s body at last.

Breaking the kiss Yuuri twisted, a single, graceful movement that brought them face to face again as he rolled them over and pushed Viktor down into the mattress. Viktor let his body to go lax, giving Yuuri full control as he straddled Viktor’s legs, looking down at him with need and desire and a much deeper emotion that Viktor couldn’t quite name burning in his eyes.

Yuuri slotted himself perfectly against Viktor’s body, rocking slightly onto the hardness beneath him and drawing a moan out of Viktor as he did so. Yuuri looked pleased with himself at the noise and he rolled his body back again, watching as Viktor’s eyelashes fluttered and his hands flew to Yuuri’s hips, gripping them tightly to anchor himself.

Leaning down, Yuuri captured Viktor’s mouth in another kiss, hot and wet as he ran his fingers through Viktor’s hair and caressed the side of his face, the soft touch a wonderful contrast to the needy kisses. Viktor kissed back, still gripping Yuuri’s hips and surrendering himself fully, allowing Yuuri to pull desperate noises of him in turn with his mouth and hands and the rocking of his body.

Finally, when Viktor felt like he might burst if Yuuri kept teasing him in that way, Yuuri reached down to grasp at Viktor’s cock, raising himself up and giving it a few, sure strokes as Viktor shuddered in pleasure under him.

“Are you ready?” he asked, reaching out a hand to run across Viktor’s face, pushing his hair from his eyes and trailing down his cheek as they gazed at each other. As he did so he reached out to grab the condom packet that had been discarded on the bed beside them, tearing it open and waiting for Viktor’s reply.

“Always,” Viktor breathed, fingers digging even tighter into Yuuri’s skin as Yuuri finally rolled the condom onto him before lining himself up and sinking down onto Viktor’s cock. The sensation combined with the sight of Yuuri above him was almost too much and Viktor threw his head back, his body arching up in pleasure as Yuuri took him in completely. As he did so Yuuri leaned down again, latching onto the skin of his throat and kissing there as he rocked his hips. Sucking bruises into the line of Viktor’s neck as he began to set the pace, leaving his marks scattered across the blank canvas of Viktor’s skin. 

All Viktor could do was hold on, grip Yuuri’s hips tightly and ride out the sensations as Yuuri rode him into the mattress, pushing the pace faster and faster until they were both gasping and panting, their skin slick with exertion and pleasure. As he moved, Yuuri’s fingers and mouth never left Viktor’s skin, mapping out every inch of his body with his touch and his tongue until Viktor was coming apart beneath him. It was like he was trying to memorise every line, burn the feeling of Viktor into his mind as every movement of his body heightened Viktor’s pleasure.

Viktor tried to hold back for as long as he could but eventually he couldn’t stop himself from coming, back arching up off the bed as Yuuri rode him through it. When he finally slumped back, feeling entirely sated and spent, he reached for Yuuri’s cock again to coax him over the edge as well, feeling as Yuuri’s body was rocked with his own orgasm where Viktor was still seated inside him. Yuuri’s nails bit into his skin as he came and he caught Viktor’s mouth in one last needy kiss, a messy press of lips as his body tensed and then finally relaxed.

They remained there for a few more seconds, breathing heavily in the quiet of the room before Yuuri finally pulled off him. Swinging himself off Viktor and slumping down to lie next to him, both of them side by side on the mattress as they recovered. Viktor turned his head to look at Yuuri, almost wanting to laugh at what he saw. Yuuri looked just as worn out as he did, hair a mess and expression satisfied as they both tried to calm their rapid breathing.

Viktor had loved the slow, easy intimacy of their time the night before but he loved this too, full of passion and burning desire and leaving them both pleasantly exhausted in its wake. Yuuri was always an endless string of surprises and joy and Viktor wanted to lie here with him forever.

Much as he wanted to however, eventually they were both forced to move. Yuuri’s come was cooling stickily on his hand and Viktor moved to the bathroom to wash it off, disposing of the condom on his way. A few seconds later Yuuri came to join him, cleaning the evidence of his release off his stomach before they both retreated back to the bed.

Yuuri lay down first and Viktor came to join him, draping himself across Yuuri’s stomach in lazy contentment. Yuuri had claimed him that night with his mouth his touch and he wanted to bask in the feeling, pressed close to Yuuri as Yuuri ran a hand softly through his hair.

They stayed that way for a while, Yuuri carding his fingers gently through Viktor’s hair as they lay together, legs tangled with Viktor still curled up on Yuuri’s chest. Eventually he propped himself up on his arms, crossing them and resting his chin on the crook he had made for himself, just under Yuuri’s collarbone. Idly he let his fingers skim across Yuuri’s skin, tracing patterns there the way he had once before. Enjoying the moment of the two of them simply lying there together.

Viktor could feel Yuuri’s heartbeat in his chest, gradually slowing the longer they remained that way. Viktor heart was beating the same rhythm, filling in the spaces that Yuuri’s left in perfect harmony. As they lay, Viktor found his mind beginning to drift.

They were so different now to how they had once been. Comfortable and familiar, still just as passionate as the first time but so much better because it was filled with so much affection now instead of what had come before.

He could never have known, when they had first met, where they would end up. From the moment he had first seen Yuuri he had known that he was special, had been drawn to him in some inexplicable way. Had known instinctively that Yuuri was important, that somehow their lives would be tangled together from that point forwards. But he never could have understood just how much Yuuri was going to shape his life, or just how much Viktor would come to love him. 

Years ago he had watched Yuuri skate and it had changed his life forever. He would never stop being thankful for that.

“What are you thinking about?” Yuuri asked softly and Viktor looked up, seeing how Yuuri was staring down at him in curiosity, fingers still playing lightly with the strands of Viktor’s hair. Yuuri’s hand dropped as Viktor tipped his head up, mulling over the best way to answer.

“The first time I saw you skate,” he replied and felt Yuuri jolt a little in surprise. That wasn’t unexpected. Yuuri hadn’t known Viktor had been watching then, had no idea of the moment when Viktor had first been captivated by him. When their fates had first been sealed together for good.

“Why?” Yuuri asked, sounding surprised and Viktor bit back a laugh.

“Because you were captivating.” He said, smiling softly as he looked up at the man before him. “You looked like you were making music with your body.”

He remembered being so curious about the crying boy he had seen, the one that he had glimpsed in the shadows watching him after his own skate. His intrigue had driven him to sneak away the next day to watch Yuuri skate and from that moment on, he hadn’t been able to look away.

“I remember seeing you cry,” he added, still lost in the memory. A single boy in a deserted room, scared and alone and Viktor had had no idea how to help him. “You were so scared. And then you went out and skated and it was like you were a different person. No-one could look away from you. That’s when everyone realised how special you were.”

“Viktor…” Yuuri began, voice sounding strangely cautious as he spoke. “When did you first see me skate?”

Viktor hummed a little as he thought, counting back through so many years.

“Your junior debut it must have been.” he said, still smiling up at Yuuri. “You were so small. I heard that you messed up your short program but I saw you when you skated your free and I never would have thought it. Your technical components could have used a little work but there was something about the way you moved. You were fascinating.”

At that, Yuuri’s face filled with surprise, completely obscuring the confusion that had been present before. And not just surprise but an unexpected wariness too, something that Viktor couldn’t understand. He couldn’t think of anything that he had just said to make Yuuri react in that way.

“You said you saw me cry,” Yuuri said hesitantly but his voice growing stronger with every word. “But you couldn’t have seen me cry. I was alone!”

He jerked up, knocking Viktor off his chest and Viktor understood. Back then he had invaded a private moment, completely unintentionally and he had back out soon after but he had done it all the same.

“I know.” he replied, sitting up so that his legs bracketed Yuuri’s and his tone apologetic. “I was hiding from Yakov, trying to find an empty room. And I heard crying. I didn’t know what to do.”

The wariness in Yuuri’s eyes didn’t fade but he didn’t move to push Viktor off either and so Viktor continued, trying to explain himself.

“I looked in and you were there,” he continued. “You were crying, you were so upset and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to help but I’m not good with people crying in front of me. I would only have made it worse. So I left before you could see me.”

He had never been good with people crying, not now and definitely not back then. As a teenager he had been even blunter and even rasher and walking in to try and offer comfort would have inevitably made things much worse. Instead he had backed out quietly once he had realised what he was seeing and tried to put Yuuri out of his mind.

“I would have forgotten all about it but then I thought I saw you again after I finished my short program so I snuck off to watch the juniors out of curiosity the next day.” he added. “And I saw you.”

And that was the moment when everything had changed.

They were both sitting up in the bed now, Viktor almost in Yuuri’s lap as he spoke. Yuuri’s eyes were still wide but there was an understanding there now, displayed clearly across his face along with his surprise. He should have expected it, Viktor reasoned. They had never spoken before about the first time they had met and Yuuri had had no idea of the events that had transpired back then. The first time he had spoken to Viktor had been a year later in a bathroom, a conversation that had gone very far from plan.

It’s strange,” Viktor added, a little wistfully. “That I met you before you remember meeting me.”

A moment that had changed his life so utterly and Yuuri hadn’t even known that Viktor was there. Standing in the crowds watching him. Being captivated by the way he skated, the first step on a path that would eventually lead them both here.

For some reason Yuurri’s face twisted, a strange combination of part amusement and part horror and he choked out an almost hysterical laugh, eyes suddenly wild and body tensing. Viktor was about to ask, concerned, but Yuuri beat him to it.

“That wasn’t the first time we met,” Yuuri said, voice tight with emotion and eyes looking very wide as he stared up at Viktor in the darkness. There was nothing in them but raw, painful honesty.

Viktor sat up a little straighter, feeling confused. He had no idea what Yuuri meant, what he could possibly be talking about. Viktor had never seen him before that day, not in person at least. Yuuri was one of a kind, the first time Viktor had laid eyes on him was burned into his memory forever.

Yuuri slid out from under him, moving so that they were kneeling before each other, the cool air of the room dancing over their bare skin. Sitting eye to eye as Yuuri ran his hand over his face, took a deep breath and continued.

“Viktor.” Yuuri said and Viktor stared at him intently, determined to figure out what Yuuri had meant. “We met before. Years before.”

“What…?” he started and then trailed off. That made absolutely no sense. It was just wrong, it didn’t fit with the story as he knew it. A new prologue that threw everything off balance and out of sync. He was so sure of his own truths that he would have believed Yuuri lying, had he not seen the raw honestly still shining brightly in Yuuri’s eyes.

“When I was twelve, I went to see you.” Yuuri said, taking another deep breath before continuing. “You were skating in the Junior Grand Prix Final. It was your last season. I…” he hesitated, swallowing heavily before pushing on. “I admired you.”

What?

It felt like the whole world had just ground to a halt, like the spin of the earth had ceased and Viktor was left stranded and adrift with no idea how to find stability again. Yuuri had admired him? Yuuri, who had hated Viktor from the first moment they had stood on a podium together, had admired him? So many years ago and so young, long before Viktor had first laid eyes on him.

“I was already skating and I wanted to skate like you someday,” Yuuri continued, ignoring Viktor’s shocked expression. “I wanted to skate with you, on the same ice as you.”

Viktor almost laughed out loud at that, the statement almost funny had the situation not been so serious. Yuuri had certainly achieved that goal, skating not only on the same ice as Viktor but standing above him on the podium too. But it still seemed so impossible to imagine. Yuuri, young and innocent, admiring him. Not a shred of hatred for Viktor in his heart.

“My parents knew how much it meant to me so they bought me tickets for my birthday and took me to watch you skate.” Yuuri added. “I watched you win. And afterwards I waited outside to get a poster signed. And I met you.”

“Yuuri, what are you saying?” Viktor asked, feeling the worry begin to creep up on him, an insidious dread in his heart at Yuuri’s words. It felt like he was still missing something, a single puzzle piece that would suddenly slot into place and make this whole bizarre story finally make sense.

He reached out to take Yuuri’s hands in his, needing the contact to ground them both but Yuuri shook him off. That only made Viktor’s worry build and he could feel his face fall, concern written into every feature.

“You…” Yuuri took a deep breath, the air shuddering out of him as he tried to compose himself enough to speak again. “You broke my heart. When I met you. You broke my heart.”

A new emotion twisted itself into Viktor’s gut this time, not worry but sickening, awful horror. Yuuri’s eyes had grown bright with unshed tears, face turned away from Viktor and refusing to look at him and that only made the feelings worse. And on top of that, Viktor felt lost. So utterly lost because this was so far from what he had been expecting and what he knew.

“What?” he mumbled, trying to understand but still failing because he had no idea how this could be true. “But Yuuri, I would never…”

“But you did,” Yuuri snapped and there was real anger in his voice now, age old hurt layering every word as he spoke.

“You insulted me and you belittled me. You didn’t believe in me. I worshiped you and you broke my heart.”

Yuuri finally turned back towards him, wiping at his eyes furiously to catch the tears that fell. His voice was choked and he looked awful, like each word was being ripped from his throat.

Viktor just felt numb. He didn’t understand, he couldn’t understand. He had no memory of what Yuuri was talking about, no frame of reference to try and understand how he could have caused so much hurt without even meaning to. Hurt that, it seemed, had haunted them both the rest of their lives.

“But…I don’t remember it,” he stammered. That was the part he couldn’t get over. He didn’t remember. Nothing made sense because in his mind it didn’t exist. The memory simply wasn’t there, as though his and Yuuri’s worlds were two parallel universes with alternate paths leading up to the same event. He couldn’t understand how something that changed his life so utterly could be something that he had never known before now.

“I don’t remember it.”

Yuuri’s shoulders suddenly dropped and all the fight drained from him in an instant, leaving him looking heartbreakingly tired and sad.

“Of course you don’t,” he sighed and his tone of voice cut Viktor far deeper than anything that had come before. “I was just one fan. One person. And you have so many. Why would you ever remember me?”

“But it’s you,” Viktor stammered. He had seen Yuuri and he had known. That was the story he had been telling himself for years, a truth in his world that was suddenly crumbling down around him. He had watched Yuuri skate and been captivated by him instantly. Something in Yuuri had called to him. He had known from the moment he had first seen Yuuri that he was special. Except apparently, he hadn’t.

“How can I not remember you? I would remember you.”

“But you didn’t,” Yuuri said simply and the quiet sadness in his voice said it all. He lay back down, turning his back to Viktor and curling in on himself. The hurt seemed to radiate off him, the memory of years gone by clearly still painful for him even now.

It hurt Viktor too, to see it. He would never have hurt intentionally, he knew it. He might have been careless as a teenager but never cruel. Not on purpose at least.

“I didn’t mean…I never meant...” he started, trying to explain it to Yuuri. That he hadn’t meant to hurt him, he never would have. Whatever he had done - and he still didn’t know exactly what - it hadn’t been intended to hurt at all. But as he spoke Yuuri’s shoulder stiffened, tension radiating from him at the excuse. And Viktor understood why. No matter what he said, no matter his reasons, Yuuri had been hurt. And it was his fault. No amount of excuses would make up for that.

“Wait, Yuuri. I’m sorry. Yuuri I’m so sorry,” he said quickly, praying that the sincerity and remorse he was feeling came across in his tone. He needed Yuuri to know that he regretted hurting him, that he would do anything to try and heal a wound that clearly still stung.

His first instinct was to offer physical comfort and he stretched out to touch Yuuri but yanked his arm back, only the briefest touch of skin on skin. The memory of how Yuuri had pulled away from him before flashed in his mind and he fought down the instinct to touch Yuuri again, trying to give him space.

Yuuri rolled back over towards him and the anger was gone from his eyes now, leaving nothing but a look of sorrow and regret.

“I’m sorry Yuuri,” Viktor said again, begging for Yuuri to understand. To accept the apology because if he didn’t it would break Viktor’s heart all over again. Just like he had apparently broken Yuuri’s.

“It’s ok,” Yuuri said, forcing a smile onto his face. But the expression was brittle, looking like it could fracture at any moment. “It was years ago.”

And suddenly the last piece clicked into place and Viktor understood. Could finally step back and see the whole tapestry’s design when before he had been looking at nothing but a single thread.

It had been years ago. Years and years, long before he had ever thought he and Yuuri had met. Something had happened, he must have done something in his teenage carelessness and a child’s heart had been broken. A child who admired him. Who, according to Yuuri, had once worshiped him.

And all that love, all that hero-worship, it had all changed. Had been tainted, had festered until it turned to resentment and hatred. And when he had finally laid eyes on Yuuri for what he had believed was the first time, their paths were already set.

It was the answer to the question he had long since given up asking but had always desperately wanted to know regardless. The question Yuuri had refused to answer for so long. The source of his hatred that had followed them throughout the years, the hatred that went far beyond simple jealousy and that Viktor had never fully understood. It all made sense now.

“All these years,” he said, speaking out loud but far more to himself than to Yuuri. “That’s the reason. That’s the reason why. For all these years.”

When he had first fallen he had thought that Yuuri’s hatred was clear-cut and simple. Had seen Yuuri skating Viktor’s routine full of love and assumed that there must be a part of Yuuri that didn’t hate him at all. Had thought that it could be an easy fix, that with enough effort they could move past it and into the territories of friendship and then love.

But he had been a fool, blinded by the fairy-tale he had been telling himself and dismissing a hurt he had never understood. This was so much more complicated than that and it never could have been an easy fix. If Yuuri was still hurting now, after so many years, he must have hurt even more then. Far too much to forgive Viktor as he had been, blundering into Yuuri’s life with fantasies of love and no idea of the damage he had already caused.

But there was nothing he could have done back then to fix it because he hadn’t known. Yuuri had never told him.

“I always wanted to ask,” he murmured as Yuuri watched him. “I always wanted to ask why but every time I tried you closed off and I stopped trying but I always wanted to know, for so long. And now…”

Eventually he had given up, had decided that Yuuri was never going to relent and finally spill his secrets. But now Yuuri had and Viktor could finally say now what he should have said all those years ago, had he known.

“Yuuri. I am so sorry.”

Yuuri’s eyes softened and he reached out, linking his fingers with Viktor’s and guiding him down so that they were lying side by side, gazing into each other’s eyes.

“It was a long time ago.” he said quietly, sounding far more genuine now. The hurt was still there but fainter now and there was something much more positive there too, something just for Viktor.

Lifting their joined hands, Yuuri kissed the knuckle of one of Viktor’s fingers gently. The gesture was intimate, affectionate, and it made Viktor’s heart leap and ache in equal measure. Yuuri pulled him close and Viktor went, wrapping himself into Yuuri’s embrace and trying to mimic the apology of his words in his touch.

They lay together in silence after that. Yuuri had finished speaking, clearly not wanting to talk about it anymore but he still held Viktor close. Sighing contentedly into the embrace and finally allowing himself to relax. Viktor wanted to ask more, had so much more he desperately needed to know but he restrained himself. It must have cost Yuuri a huge amount to bare his soul like that, to give Viktor a piece of his past that he had been guarding for so long. This was not the time to push for more.

Despite Yuuri beginning to relax again, Viktor found that he was unable to do the same. There was far too much to think about, far too much to consider. He knew he would be thinking about it for weeks to come, that there were things he hadn’t even thought about yet that might now make sense with this revelation. But it was too much to take in all at once and his mind kept getting stuck on the basics, looping them over and over again.

The fact that he had once broken Yuuri’s heart. The fact that Yuuri had once loved him enough to have his heart broken. The fact that he had been the cause of Yuuri’s hatred all along, that he had been the one to first set them on this path. The fact that the story he had been telling himself for years was a lie.

He hadn’t known Yuuri at first sight. There hadn’t been an instant connection between them like he had once believed. It seemed the world didn’t work that way. It had a far crueler sense of humour.  

And yet, they had still ended up here. Despite everything, they were here together. Lying in each others arms with all the secrets finally out in the open. With Yuuri so much more open now than he had ever been before, so full of affection. He seemed so happy around Viktor and Viktor was always filled with joy around Yuuri. They fit together so easily and they kept coming back to each other, despite everything that could have torn them apart.

Yuuri might not love Viktor, Viktor knew that. But he was happy with Viktor, had chosen Viktor and no-one else. Had trusted him enough to finally tell him about the past, a milestone that Viktor had thought they would never cross. Had given Viktor his affection and his time and his body and his past, everything that Viktor cherished and would continue to cherish for as long as Yuuri allowed it.

In his arms, Yuuri had finally drifted off into sleep. Viktor could see the way his eyelids fluttered as he dreamed, the slight parting of his mouth as he breathed steadily. Reaching forward he pressed a soft kiss to Yuuri’s forehead, watching as Yuuri shifted a little in response, a slight smile appearing on his sleeping face at the touch.

The evening had been a rollercoaster of emotions and revelations but Viktor found that, with Yuuri lying in his arms, there was suddenly a great sense of peace. It wasn’t perfect, not by any means. And it wasn’t a fairytale, he knew that now. But it was real. And he was happy.

Chapter Text

Throughout the months after the revelation that had shaken him to his very core, Viktor thought a lot about what his life could have been. Had he not made such a terrible mistake so early, had he never accidentally broken Yuuri’s adoration of him but encouraged it instead. Had Yuuri grown up still admiring him and had they met on the ice under such different circumstances. How different his life would have been, if one tiny thing hadn’t changed it forever.

Often, he wanted to go back and scream at his fifteen year old self. To take himself by the shoulders and shake some sense into him and warn him before he ruined everything without ever understanding how or why. But what was done was done and what was past was past and there was nothing he could do now to change it now. The only thing he could change was the future.

It was something he thought about a lot while he and Yuuri were apart. After the Grand Prix Final their lives forced them to separate, Yuuri returning to Detroit to prepare for the Japanese Nationals and the Four Continents and Viktor to St Petersburg to train for the Russian Nationals and the European Championships.

The Nationals and Europeans were always less of a challenge for him than the Grand Prix series or World Championships, with Yuuri absent, but he enjoyed the competitions all the same. Most of his mind was fixed on the World Championships however, a much more prestigious and challenging medal to win and the competition when he and Yuuri would be reunited once again.

The competitions passed easily and Viktor found himself once again at the top of the score boards, surpassing the rest of the skaters by a significant margin. Yakov’s skaters always dominated the podium during the Nationals and they took a significant chunk of the Europeans too, much to Yakov’s gruff pride. Some of the younger skaters came along to the competition as well, Yakov’s teaching technique of learning partially through observation unchanging throughout the years.

One of the Juniors there was Yuri Plisetsky, already champing at the bit to be allowed into the senior division. He had already snatched the gold in the Junior Grand Prix and was determined to take the Junior World Championships too before making his senior debut the next year.

Viktor understood the drive, he had had the same thing when he was younger after all. The need to be free of the Junior division and compete against the older and more experienced skaters, to prove his worth against the best of the best. To finally have his chance in the main spotlight and to show the world just what he could be.

Most of the rest of his rinkmates had come to congratulate him on his win after the reporters had drifted away but Yuri, sullen as ever, had just shrugged with a look of boredom on his face.

“You were ok I guess,” he said reluctantly after the rest of the praise had died down and eyes turned to him. “But I’ll be the one winning gold next year.”

Viktor laughed, enjoying the threat of a challenge and the unwavering confidence in the younger skater’s voice. At fifteen, Yuri had a tendency to talk big but he still had a lot left to prove before he would be taken as a serious threat in the senior division. The frustration and need to prove himself often manifested into a brand of arrogance that Viktor recognised well from his own junior years.

“You’ll have to beat me,” he pointed out, lightly teasing. “Are you sure that you can do it?”

“Of course I can,” Yuri snapped back, looking irritated. The other Russian skaters around them were grinning indulgently too and he clearly didn’t take well to the patronising looks. His desire to win and his frustration at still being under Viktor’s shadow was common knowledge around the rink and he didn’t take kindly to people underestimating him. “I’ll beat all of you, just you wait.”

“Even my Yuuri?” Viktor asked, still smiling. Yuri might refuse point blank to ever admit it out loud but Viktor knew there was still a part of him that reluctantly looked up to the Japanese skater, despite the rink gossip and no matter what Yuri himself said. Bringing it up around Yuri was always a near death sentence however. “You’ve always admired him, no? Are you sure that you can compare?”

“With losers like you two competing it’ll be easy. There’s only room for one Yuri on the podium and that’s me,” Yuri shot back, scowling at the patronising tone in Viktor’s voice. Of all the skaters in the St Petersburg rink, Yuri had always been the one to take teasing the worst.

“And what do you mean your Yuuri,” he added, still scowling in annoyance. “You don’t have a Yuuri. You don’t have anybody.”

Viktor could feel his smile freeze on his face and saw the way Yuri’s eyes widened fractionally after the words were out of his mouth. Yuri was notorious for his tendency to lash out and while Viktor had expected some insults after his teasing comments, he hadn’t expected them to hit quite so close to home. It was true, Yuuri wasn’t his. And there was no-one in his life to fill the place he had once wished that Yuuri would permanently occupy. But it wasn’t something he needed pointed out.

Yuri could clearly see the effect that his angry words had had and he snapped his mouth shut, looking away. Too proud to apologise but not intending to push anymore. Viktor wasn’t a stranger to speaking without thinking, no matter how much he had improved over the years, and so he decided to let the matter go. Instead he turned to accept the congratulations of another of his rink-mates and allowed the younger skater to stalk away, shoulder hunched and still scowling.

Brushing the incident aside, Viktor moved on, drifting between groups of skaters still hanging around the rink-side and making easy small talk as they all congratulated each other and talked about the competition. It was expected of him to mingle and so he did, laughing and joking with the other skaters and discussing the events of the day. Some tossed the occasional flirtatious comment his way but he ignored them easily, as he had been doing for years. Eventually the crowds began to disperse to head back to their hotels and he met back up with Yakov, who was trying unsuccessfully to round up his wayward gang of skaters.

For several minutes it seemed they had lost a few members but eventually they all drifted back together. Yuri showed up last, late enough to earn Yakov’s ire and a lecture about not wandering off during competitions, which he ignored. His mind looked to be focused elsewhere and when he saw Viktor again he gave him a brief sharp nod, hands stuck deep into the pockets of his jacket. It was the closest he would ever get to an apology and Viktor accepted it without question. It was hardly an uncommon occurrence to face the sharp side of Yuri’s tongue after all and Yuri had only spoken the truth, harsh as it was.

When Yakov asked where Yuri had disappeared to he just shrugged and their coach eventually gave up, herding the group back to the hotel with a look of tired resignation on his face. At the hotel Viktor took a few minutes to relax, opening up his phone to browse through the coverage of the events of the competition and that was when he saw it.

A picture, blurry and hard to make out but he recognised the subject all the same. Yuuri had a hat pulled low over his ears and a medical mask covering half his face, obscuring most of his features. He was surrounded by people, blending in perfectly with the crowd and Viktor almost wouldn’t have recognised him if he hadn’t known him so well.

Yuuri was turning to walk away from something, slipping through the crowds surreptitiously. The background of the picture looked incredibly familiar but it was only when Viktor saw the flash of blue and red in the corner, the tell-tale look of a junior Team Russia jacket even if the wearer was almost completely obscured from view, that he realised. It was a photograph taken at a skating competition. A recent one.  But Yuuri wasn’t dressed as a skater.

A quick glance at the caption confirmed his suspicions. The photograph had been taken that day, during the European Championships. A competition that Yuuri had no need or reason to attend. And he had been trying to hide, blending in with the crowd and drawing no attention to himself. Something he had been doing a very good job at it seemed, until one observant fan had recognised him last minute, just as he was leaving.

It was a complete mystery, why Yuuri was there. Viktor couldn’t figure it out, even as he stared at the picture, Yuuri frozen as he slipped quietly away. He couldn’t have been there on official business or he would have been announced, wouldn’t have been hiding. And he couldn’t have come for Viktor because he had said nothing, hadn’t contacted Viktor in any way. For some reason he had been present in the stadium and been determined to be overlooked, not making contact with anyone and staying almost completely unrecognised.

Viktor couldn’t figure it out. But the question still plagued him throughout the rest of the night and into the next day. It seemed even after he had revealed some of his secrets, Yuuri Katsuki still remained a mystery.

angeldrkfire @angeldrkfire · 34m

WHO’S READY FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS HELL YES #FSWC

ranvlf @ranvlf · 31m

@angeldrkfire  My body is ready

 Becauseitamusedme @becauseitamusedme · 26m

Who even cares about the world championships, I still want to know more about the Europeans if you know what I mean #theytotallybanged

 red-pages@red-pages · 23m

@becauseitamusedme  Agreed, Viktuuri sex rendezvous at the Euros is way more interesting than Worlds

tatltaelfairies @tatltaelfairies · 23m

Can people please chill about the whole ‘katsuki was at the euros’ thing. There’s a bunch of reasons why he could be there, it’s not as obvious as y’all try to make it sound

Tianiara @tianiara · 17m

@tatltaelfairies oh please, he was 100% there to get it on with Nikiforov and everyone knows it

Tianiara @tianiara · 11m

hey @V-nikiforov u and Katsuki totally banged at the Europeans right?

jennyofoldstones @jennyofoldstones · 9m

@tianiara  Jesus christ don’t tweet things like that to the actual people???? Show some respect please

 captainjazzband @captainjazzband · 6m

@tianiara Don’t. Tweet. Shipping. Stuff. To. The. Actual. People. How hard can that possibly be to understand?

always-smiling-bitch @always-smiling-bitch · 5m

@captainjazzband  But they are totally together, everyone can see it by now! Have you seen the way they look at each other recently?!

 lattien @lattien · 2m

@always-smiling-bitch  It doesn’t matter if they are or aren’t, let them have their private lives for gods sake! Keep this kind of stuff away from the real people unless you know they’re comfortable with it

icyfool @icyfool · 1m

@tianiara  people like you are probably the reason they wouldn’t tell people even if they did get together lmao. If they don’t make stuff public it’s probably because they don’t want it public

lovemenace @lovemenace · 1m

 @icyfool I agree. I love how happy Katsuki looks around Nikiforov now but let’s all give them a bit of privacy yeah? Don’t tweet shippy stuff directly at them and don’t ask invasive questions

dreamingeternally @dreamingeternally · 1m

I don’t know about Nikiforov but Katsuki is super private. If he wants to tell people why he was there he will but he was in disguise so let him be okay?

Yuuxuri @Yuuxurinikiforrov · 1m

@dreamingeternally hahaha no, it’s way more fun this way! Plus it’s not like Katsuki even cares about all the stuff people say about him

The World Championships that year were in Japan and Viktor could sense the excitement the minute he stepped into the stadium. The whole place was packed with Yuuri’s fans, all eager to see him take the world title for the second year running. One of the best skaters in the world was competing in his home country and the anticipation in the air was palpable. 

The competition was unusually busy, Viktor flying into Tokyo late and being caught up in official business well into the next day. Yakov never gave him a second’s break all throughout the day of the short program, insisting that when he wasn’t practicing he was rehearsing or stretching or hundreds of other things to prepare him for the competition. Viktor knew that it was all done with the best of intentions. Even if he had taken gold at the Grand Prix Final earlier that season, World’s was the most important gold to aim for. After losing his title to Yuuri the year before, it was important to win it back while he still could.

The hustle and bustle of the day kept him from seeing Yuuri almost until the short programs themselves. It was only when Yuuri was just about to step out onto the ice that Viktor finally caught a glimpse of him from where he was standing at the rink-side with Yakov, preparing for his own performance.

Yuuri was looking over at him, staring at Viktor intently and Viktor could feel his face break out into a smile in response. It had been months since he had last seen Yuuri in person and the sight made his heart swell.

“頑張って Yuuri!” he called, the words sounding a little clumsy on his tongue but right all the same. Over the years he had been picking up bits and pieces of Japanese and he had made sure to learn that phrase specially. Wishing Yuuri good luck in his native language felt right and he was encouraged to see the surprised yet pleased expression that crossed Yuuri’s face when he heard the words.

“Udachi Viktor,” Yuuri called back and Viktor startled to hear his own native language coming from Yuuri’s lips. The words sounded so different coming out of his mouth, heavily accented and yet enticing all the same. Viktor could feel colour creeping into his cheeks at the sound but before he could reply, Yakov called for him, pulling him away to prepare for his own skate again as Yuuri took to the ice.

Yuuri’s performance was captivating as always. There were a few slight imperfections in his routine, an over-rotation on his quad salchow and a couple of other tiny technical mistakes that set his score a little under what it had been at Rostelecom. But it was still so full of emotion and passion and boosted him straight to the top of the score table. Viktor could see Yuuri’s look of contentment when he sat in the kiss and cry, proud of his achievement as he should be. The cheers from the crowd were deafening as they vocalised their support for their favourite skater and it was several minutes before they quietened down again.

When it was Viktor’s turn to take the ice however, the atmosphere was very different. It was completely expected, he was in Yuuri’s home territory after all. The overwhelming majority here wanted to see Yuuri win and Viktor was the biggest obstacle standing in his way. And while the rivalry on Yuuri’s side might have faded from their relationship over the years, in the minds of the fans it was still very much alive and far beyond either of their control, perpetuated by the media and the fans themselves constantly, even now. Yuuri’s reception in Russia was often tense and Viktor’s here was no different.

There were still cheers for him of course, plenty of his fans had turned up to show their support. But there was tension strung throughout the stadium as he took to the ice and beneath the cheers there was an undercurrent of maliciousness, some fans vocalising their dislike in a way he could hear even out on the ice.

Viktor brushed the noises aside and focused on the cheering, waving to the crowds and smiling as he made his way to the centre of the rink. He had expected that competing in Tokyo would mean a rapid drop in his own support and a desire to see Yuuri win on home ground but it didn’t faze him. He was here to give the best performance that he could and go head to head with Yuuri for the gold once again, always pushing each other to be better with every time they competed. Whichever one of them ended up on the top of the podium, he would be satisfied as long as he did that.

Instead he focused on Yuuri as he threw himself into his performance, nailing every jump and spin as he glided across the ice. Filling his routine with emotion and joy and ending with a smile of his face as the ecstatic cheers from his fans echoed around the room.

When he sat in the kiss and cry he felt a rush of pride as his scores came in, setting him right at the top of the score table. The disappointment from the majority of the stadium as his name appeared over Yuuri’s was almost tangible even above the applause but Viktor barely registered it.

Yakov however, was another matter. He was scowling out at the crowds, looking displeased at the obvious displeasure many of them held for Viktor’s spot in first place. It was something that had happened many times before, Yakov had never taken kindly to seeing fans who were actively not on Viktor’s side. Before Yuuri, Viktor had been terrifyingly bored and rapidly losing inspiration but he had also been top of the skating world. Almost everyone had adored him, fans, sponsors and press alike. And then along had come Yuuri and everything had changed.

For Viktor, the benefits of having a true challenger for the medals and finding inspiration in his skating again far outweighed the minor drawbacks but Yakov had never seen it that way. He had resented the way Yuuri’s clear dislike of Viktor had created the rivalry in the media and fans that had polarized the skating world, drawing lines and creating sides where Viktor suddenly wasn’t universally beloved anymore. And even if Yuuri hadn’t shown a shred of that dislike for years now, the consequences were far out of either of their control.

Yakov blamed Yuuri for it, Viktor knew. It was another of Yuuri’s list of sins in Yakov’s mind, turning people actively against Viktor for his own gain and support. Filed away along with emotional manipulation and underhand tactics for winning and all the other things Viktor had tried to protest were untrue but failed at convincing his coach to believe. Yakov had long ago given up trying to convince Viktor to end it with Yuuri but Viktor knew he still believed Viktor would be better off without Yuuri all the same.

Eventually he and Yakov parted after the kiss and cry, Viktor going to give interviews and make statements while Yakov moved away to continue his official duties as a coach. All the while Viktor kept an eye out for Yuuri, hoping to catch a glimpse of him but it seemed that Yuuri was already gone.

When he finally managed to escape for a few short minutes he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text.

To : Yuuri

Would you like to get dinner with me tonight? We could get room service if you don’t want to leave the hotel?

It had been too long since they had last seen each other and he wanted to spend time with Yuuri, to get the chance to catch up on everything he had missed while they had been parted and just spend time in Yuuri’s presence. Yuuri had accepted his offer before, had shown his willingness to spend time in Viktor’s company, and there was no reason to believe that that had changed now.

From : Yuuri

I’d like that!

From : Yuuri

I’d prefer room service, if that’s ok?

A quiet room service dinner and the chance to see Yuuri again in private sounded perfect. Viktor smiled down at his phone, grinning like an idiot for several seconds before remembering he actually had to respond. It would be a while until he could make it back to the hotel, the hordes of reporters and fans were still waiting for him after all, but he was determined to extract himself as soon as he could.

To : Yuuri

I’m still at the rink with the reporters but I left the door of my room unlocked. I’ll meet you there as soon as I can

To : Yuuri

Room 101

It took almost an hour more before he was able to finally make it back to the hotel, escaping the crowds at last and retreating to his room. It was getting late and he hoped that Yuuri hadn’t minded waiting.

He was just about to pull out his phone, intending to let Yuuri know he was finally free, but the sight when he walked into his room stopped him dead.

Yuuri was curled up in the centre of his bed, still fully clothed but with his eyes closed, breathing deep and slow. His expression was soft and his hair was sleep mussed, lying ruffled against his face. The sight made Viktor’s heart lurch in his chest and his breath catch in his throat as he stood dumbly in the doorway to the room.

It was such a domestic scene, relaxed and peaceful. Yuuri must have come to his room to wait for him and had felt comfortable enough in Viktor’s space to doze off on his bed, curled up happily on top of the sheets. The skating from that day must have tired him out, as it had Viktor, and Viktor was determined not to disturb him.

That plan was almost instantly ruined however when the door finished swinging shut with an unreasonably loud click, making Viktor startle and breaking the silence of the moment. Yuuri jolted a little too, sitting up in surprise at the noise and blinking at Viktor sleepily, rubbing his eyes to clear them and yawning as he did so.

“Sorry!” Viktor blurted out, feeling guilty. He hadn’t wanted to disturb Yuuri when he was looking so peaceful but he had forgotten to catch the door as it closed. “I was trying not to wake you.”

Yuuri smiled at him at that, a small, private smile between them that lit up his face and made his eyes sparkle in the soft yellow light of the room.

“It’s ok,” Yuuri told him, still smiling. “I’m sorry for almost falling asleep. I didn’t mean to but it’s been a long day and I was more tired than I realised.”

As he spoke he reached up to run his fingers through his hair, trying to tame the rumpled mess it had become during his nap. His efforts were mostly in vain and Viktor had to resist the urge to laugh fondly at the sight.

“I know the feeling,” he replied, moving to sit on the bed beside Yuuri. “If you just want to go back to sleep don’t let me stop you. We can easily skip dinner.”

Dinner and conversation would be nice but he’d just as happily curl up next to Yuuri and drift off in each other’s arms. Being close to Yuuri was what mattered, however that came to be. Whatever Yuuri wanted, he would be content.

Yuuri opened his mouth to speak but it seemed that his stomach had other ideas, letting out a loud grumble of hunger. Yuuri looked mortified at the sound but Viktor just laughed. It sounded like skipping dinner was a bad idea after all then.

“Or maybe not,” he added lightly, reaching over to grab the room service menu from where it had been sitting by his bed.

Together they flipped through the options, Yuuri making a few recommendations until they had chosen a selection of food. When they were ready to order, Viktor insisted that Yuuri be the one to make the call. He had heard Yuuri speak in his native language before and he loved the way the sounds rolled off Yuuri’s tongue, easy and effortless and sounding almost musical to Viktor’s ears. It was something that he wanted to hear again and he felt no guilt at persuading Yuuri to order.

Yuuri put up a few token protests that the employees at the hotel would definitely speak English too but eventually he relented. Viktor listened to him speak quickly on the phone with interest, uncaring that he had very little understanding of what was being said, and the food arrived not long after.

Once it was there they settled down comfortably to eat, the conversation flowing naturally between them. They spoke about the competition, about their lives during the time they were apart, menial details and anecdotes and everything that they could think of. Talking to Yuuri always felt so easy and right and even in the moments when they fell silent, the silence felt nothing but comfortable.

The only detail that Yuuri never mentioned was his unexpected visit to the European Championships a couple of months before. There had been no word as to why he was there and the story had never made it onto sporting news, just fan gossip and speculation. But Viktor knew Yuuri probably guessed he had seen it and yet Yuuri never once brought it up in conversation. It was clearly something he didn’t want to or feel the need to talk about and Viktor decided not to ask tonight. They had only just reunited after all. And while the incident had raised his suspicions, he needed more time and observation before he was willing to broach that topic of conversation himself.

All throughout the evening, Viktor could do nothing at marvel at how different being with Yuuri felt now. Yuuri was open, happy and he showed it in every word and expression. His body language was similar too, leaning towards Viktor, brushing fingers lightly across his hand and arm, being so much more physically demonstrative than he had ever been before. They had come so incredibly far from where they started and it seemed they kept moving forward, kept growing closer with every time they were together.  

Once they were finished eating they stacked the dishes out of the way, shoulders bumping as they did so and eventually fell into a comfortable silence. Yuuri was standing very close to him, pressed up against Viktor’s side and Viktor could feel the warmth passing between their two bodies as they stood together.

Casually, Yuuri tilted his head up towards Viktor, gazing at him through his eyelashes with an expression of contentment on his face. At the same time Viktor moved too, the magnetic pull of the two of them together making him mimic Yuuri without even having to think about it. Ducking his head to cover the slight difference between them and pressing a soft kiss to Yuuri’s lips.

Viktor pulled back slightly, watching as Yuuri’s eyelids fluttered where they had fallen closed but he moved only fractionally before Yuuri was chasing his lips again, pulling Viktor down into a much deeper kiss. Viktor responded instantly, pulling Yuuri closer and feeling his heart begin to race. They might only have been apart for months but it felt like decades and he wanted to savour every second now that they were reunited.

Yuuri slid his hands into Viktor’s hair, tilting his head slightly to get a better angle and in response Viktor’s hands found their way to Yuuri’s hips, pressing their bodies together. He rubbed his thumbs over the exposed skin where Yuuri’s shirt had ridden up and Yuuri shivered lightly in response, kissing Viktor harder. It was full of need and want and desire and the heat between them built quickly. As they kissed Yuuri walked backwards, pulling Viktor with him until his back hit the wall. After that, it only took a few minutes before Viktor spoke, breath catching in his chest as he did so.

“What do you want Yuuri?” he asked, feeling how rough and wrecked his voice already sounded after so little time. Yuuri was the only one that could do that to him and the only one he would ever want to. “Tell me what you want.”

There were so many things they hadn’t tried yet and Viktor wanted to do them all. He wanted to have everything with Yuuri, to share experiences and fulfil desires and know that Yuuri trusted him enough to be the one to do it with. Anything Yuuri wanted, Viktor wanted to give him.

Instead of replying, Yuuri reached into his back pocket, searching for a few seconds before pulling out a condom and a packet of lube. Gazing up at Viktor with expectation in his eyes, he pressed them into Viktor’s hand and Viktor could feel his own eyes widen as he did so.

 It was the night before the free skate and he had imagined they would both stick to much less strenuous activities like they had done the last time before a competition. There were many things he had been imagining trying that would be much less taxing on Yuuri’s body than what Yuuri was asking for but he had always been powerless to refuse any of Yuuri’s requests.

“Are you sure Yuuri?” he asked, needing to make sure he had interpreted the gesture right. “You’re skating tomorrow.”

“Yes, I am,” Yuuri said bluntly, drawing back a little more and staring deep into Viktor’s eyes. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were red and his gaze was dark with desire. “So make me remember you when I do.” 

The words made a rush of heat burn through Viktor’s body and he could hear the choked off noise he made at the statement, could feel the way his fingers flexed and dug deeper into the skin of Yuuri’s hips. Yuuri could take him apart so easily with just his words and his eyes and Viktor wanted nothing more than to let him.

Bending down, he captured Yuuri’s mouth in another searing kiss. Pressing Yuuri harder into the wall, kissing him deeply and feeling as Yuuri returned the gestures with equal passion. It wasn’t long before Yuuri was pulling his shirt up over his head, tossing it aside, watching as Viktor followed suit seconds later.

They divested themselves of their remaining clothes quickly, stealing kisses and letting their hands roam over each other’s bodies as they did so. Yuuri’s hands were like brands on his skin wherever they touched and Viktor wanted to wear Yuuri’s mark on him forever.

Eventually the heat between them reached breaking point and he pulled back, keeping them pressed close but parting enough to be able to speak.

He knew what Yuuri wanted but there was no reason for that to be the only thing they did that night. In all the years before he had assumed that if Yuuri never asked for something he simply didn’t want it. But after the revelations of their last competition and Yuuri’s openness for trying new things, he had realised Yuuri might simply not yet know all the different things that he liked. And Viktor wanted nothing more than to show Yuuri new pleasures, to make Yuuri feel good and to share that experience together.

“Yuuri, I want to try something. Something new for you,” he said, feeling how his breathing was ragged and panting from their earlier activities and far too gone to be embarrassed about it. “I’ll make you feel good, I promise. Will you let me try?”

“Yes,” Yuuri replied without hesitation before leaning in and stealing another kiss. Gentle this time and trusting. Viktor smiled back, feeling his heart ache from the overabundance of love that was filling it, threatening to spill over.

“Turn around.” he murmured, pressing another kiss to Yuuri’s lips before using his hands to twist Yuuri’s body gently to face the wall. Yuuri went willingly and Viktor stayed close, feeling every line of his body pressing up against Yuuri’s own. Yuuri shivered a little and rocked back even closer into Viktor heat, looking displeased to find that Viktor’s mouth was now out of his reach.

Instead of kissing his mouth however, Viktor pressed a kiss to the shell of Yuuri’s ear, dragging his teeth along it to draw another pleased reaction out of Yuuri. Then he began to work his way down Yuuri’s neck, mouthing and kissing the skin there and feeling as Yuuri’s body responded.

Gradually he moved from Yuuri’s neck down his spine, kissing each part before dragging his teeth lightly over the small of Yuuri’s back as Yuuri rocked into the touch. Yuuri had braced his hands on the wall to support himself and his posture was urging Viktor on as Viktor finally sank to his knees behind him.

Viktor face was level with Yuuri’s ass and he ran his hands across it, grasping it and enjoying the needy noise that Yuuri made in response. What he was intending to do was something he enjoyed, both giving and receiving and he hoped that Yuuri would find just as much pleasure in it as he did.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” he told Yuuri, who hummed in response, bracing his hands harder on the wall and pushing back closer. Viktor tore open the packet of lube that Yuuri had given him, warming it in his hand before parting Yuuri’s cheeks with the other and easing his finger gently inside. Yuuri let out a soft gasp of pleasure as he did so, rolling his hips back to draw Viktor in deeper as Viktor worked him open.

Viktor wanted Yuuri desperate and needy and filled with desire and so he worked slowly, teasing Yuuri and dragging noises out of his responsive body, working him open carefully until Yuuri was squirming for more. Then finally he moved, leaning in to allow his tongue to join his finger and feeling as Yuuri gasped in response at the new sensation.

Viktor teased Yuuri, licking and sucking at the sensitive skin and enjoying the hitched sounds of pleasure that Yuuri was making as he did so. When Viktor pressed his tongue inside to join his finger, the slick slide working Yuuri’s open even more, a shudder rolled through Yuuri’s body and he moaned, pressed backwards and silently pleading with Viktor for more.

Viktor continued to move, fucking Yuuri on his fingers and his tongue and feeling his own desire burn brighter with every noise the Yuuri made. Eventually Yuuri spoke, gasping out words into the quiet of the room.

“Viktor…please…” he implored and Viktor obliged instantly, adding another finger and curling them in a way that had Yuuri shuddering and moaning again.

“Does it feel good?” Viktor asked, pulling back just enough to speak, hot breath ghosting over Yuuri’s skin.

“Yes,” Yuuri replied, word distorted by his rapid breaths and Viktor could feel the curl of satisfaction that settled in the pit of his stomach in response. It had been what he had been hoping for for so long and what he now finally had, being with Yuuri like this. Not for what felt like a string of one night stands where everything stayed the same but being together, trying new things together, exploring their desires together. With Yuuri trusting him enough to allow it.

“Good,” he murmured in satisfaction, adding another finger and watching as Yuuri arched back in response. There was nothing he loved more than making Yuuri feel good and he would happily do it every day for the rest of his life.

As he watched Yuuri he felt joy bloom in his chest, along with a possessiveness that he knew he didn’t deserve to feel. Yuuri wasn’t his but he still couldn’t help the feeling as it rose within him. After so long of thinking he was just one of many for Yuuri, the knowledge that he was the only one that Yuuri had chosen when he could have had so many others at the same time made Viktor feel wanted in a way he hadn’t for years.

“I’m the only one who’s ever seen you like this.” he whispered, the words reverent in the air between them. “The only one who’s ever touched you like this. Made you feel like this.”

Yuuri had trusted him with his first time and he was still trusting Viktor with new experiences now, something that Viktor cherished. He had put his pleasure in Viktor’s hands and Viktor was determined not to let him down. And while he enjoyed the knowledge that Yuuri had trusted him enough to be his first, even if Yuuri had slept with hundreds of people before him, Viktor knew he still wouldn’t have cared. Because Yuuri had chosen him now, him and only him. It was the cause of the possessiveness he was feeling, the knowledge that of all the people in the world, Yuuri had committed himself to Viktor. From the minute Viktor had touched him, Yuuri had been with no-one else, even if he had no obligation to stay true. Just like Viktor had been with no-one but Yuuri from the day he had fallen, all those years ago. They had each other in a way no-one else did now and Viktor wanted it to stay that way forever.

After that there were no more words spoken, Viktor returning to his task with a single-minded determination. He focused on Yuuri’s pleasure, using his mouth to draw out more choked off sounds from the man above him. Licking and sucking, dipping his tongue in and out of Yuuri alongside his fingers until Yuuri was wet and open and ready. Even then he didn’t stop, teasing Yuuri until Yuuri’s legs shook under the onslaught of sensation and he was demanding more.

Finally he withdrew, standing up behind Yuuri and ignoring the ache in his knees from kneeling for so long as he did so. Yuuri was still facing away from him and Viktor moulded his body along the line of Yuuri’s back, tearing open the condom to slide it on as Yuuri turned towards him again.

Yuuri’s expression was beautifully wrecked and he reached for Viktor, drawing him in. As they moved he hooked one of his legs around Viktor’s waist, pinning him in place and urging him on. Viktor let one of his hands fall to Yuuri’s thigh, hitching his leg higher and gripping the skin tightly, every touch making the fire burning in his chest flare even hotter.

“Are you ready?” he asked and Yuuri nodded, pulling Viktor to him and arching his back when Viktor finally pushed inside. Yuuri’s head hit the back of the wall with a thud as he sighed in satisfaction, hands tightening on Viktor as he sank further down. Most of Yuuri’s weight was resting on the wall behind him and their position was precarious, with one of Yuuri’s legs still secured firmly around Viktor’s waist.

Not wanting to break their contact to change position, Viktor slid his hand under Yuuri’s other thigh, lifting him so that all of Yuuri’s weight was resting on either Viktor or the wall behind him. Yuuri wrapped the leg around Viktor’s waist instinctively, keeping the two of them locked together. The position put a slight strain on Viktor’s arms but he ignored it, focusing on the way Yuuri was drawing him in, heels digging impatiently into the small of Viktor’s back.

Gradually Viktor began to set a slow, rocking pace, dragging more noises of pleasure out of Yuuri as he moved. Eventually he began to move faster and Yuuri traced his fingers across the skin of Viktor’s shoulder and neck to lock them into his hair, pulling almost to the point of pain as their bodies moved in time. His head was flung back, exposing the line of his throat and Viktor latched on with his mouth again, this time sucking bruises into the skin there. Marking Yuuri and feeling claimed and possessed in return as Yuuri moved his hands from Viktor’s hair to drag down his spine, fingernails leaving a pleasurable burn as they dug into his skin and marked him in return.

Viktor wanted to stay the way they were indefinitely but eventually he began to truly feel the strain of holding Yuuri up for such an extended period of time. Viktor might be strong but Yuuri was an athlete too and despite his smaller size, he was far from dainty.

Moving to get a better grip on Yuuri he pulled them both away from the wall, feeling Yuuri’s legs and arms tighten in response to keep him upright. When Yuuri’s full weight was resting on Viktor alone he began to walk towards the bed, supporting Yuuri all the while. As he did so he finally broke away from Yuuri’s neck with one final, soft kiss and looked up to see Yuuri staring down at him.

Their positions put Yuuri’s face higher than his own and this time Yuuri was the one to lean down, pressing their foreheads together. Gazing into Viktor’s eyes and smiling, still wrapped around Viktor and holding him close. There was a deep emotion clear in Yuuri’s eyes as he looked down at Viktor, one that Viktor was sure he had seen there before. It looked like happiness. It looked like love.

Viktor was so distracted by the gaze that he paid no attention to where he was going. Which proved to be a problem when his foot caught unexpectedly on the suitcase he had forgotten was at the foot of the bed, sending him staggering off balance. The added weight from Yuuri and the fact that his arms were full of the other man had them both toppling over, their foreheads colliding painfully as Viktor let out a startled yelp at the slip.

Thankfully they were close enough to the bed that Viktor managed to drop Yuuri onto the mattress, feeling himself slide out of the other man as he did so and catching his own weight on his arms as he fell before he accidentally crushed Yuuri as well as dropping him. He could feel his cheeks turning scarlet with embarrassment as he looked down at where Yuuri was lying sprawled out unceremoniously beneath him, feeling mortified. He had been trying to make everything perfect for Yuuri and yet he had messed that one up pretty spectacularly. Part of him wanted to flee the room while another part just wanted to curl up in shame and never look at Yuuri again.

But instead of looking dismayed or irritated or disappointed or any of the other things Viktor had been fearing, Yuuri just laughed. Real, genuine laugher that had him doubling over and grinning up at Viktor, looking completely unfazed by the sudden mistake. For a second Viktor stared in shock but then he laughed too, reaching up to rub the painful mark on his forehead where their heads had collided and finally starting to see the funny side of the whole thing.

For so many years he had had to be perfect, mistakes just weren’t an option. But it seemed Yuuri didn’t care when he messed up, when things went wrong. They could just laugh it off together and it made Viktor love him all the more, just when he thought that couldn’t be possible.

“Well, that wasn’t exactly how I was expecting that to go,” he admitted ruefully, still embarrassed that his attempts to be smooth had backfired so spectacularly.

“There would have been a deduction for the landing,” Yuuri joked and Viktor let out an undignified snort at the skating reference, watching as Yuuri grinned back at him in amusement. The whole thing was messy and it was silly and suddenly Viktor couldn’t think of anything more perfect.

As he spoke Yuuri slid up the bed so that he was lying on it fully, pulling Viktor up to join him until they were both stretched out on the mattress.

“But it was still a pretty good move,” Yuuri added, stretching out on the bed with a more seductive and yet still teasing smile playing on his lips. Then he reached up to rest his hands lightly on the sides of Viktor’s neck, cupping the skin there as he wrapped his legs back around Viktor’s waist. He angled his hips upwards in a clear invitation and Viktor complied, sliding back into Yuuri easily and bracing his hands on the bed either side of Yuuri’s head as he began to move.

Yuuri dug his heels into Viktor’s back again, urging him to go faster and Viktor did so, reaching down at the same time to gasp Yuuri’s cock in his hand. Yuuri shuddered and moaned in response, hands dropping away to grasp at the sheets by his head as Viktor continued to move.

One of his hands was fisted in the sheets right next to where Viktor’s own was braced on the bed and Yuuri moved unexpectedly again. Letting go of the sheets and entwining his hand with Viktor’s instead. Threading their fingers together and holding on as they moved in time and it made emotion swell in Viktor’s chest, like a dam threatening to burst. The simple, intimate touch was the part he treasured the most, far above and beyond the rest, and he gripped Yuuri’s hand tightly, refusing to let go.

Yuuri was still gazing up at him and his eyes were still full of the same emotion from before and Viktor couldn’t remember a time when he had ever felt so happy. It wasn’t much longer until he couldn’t hold himself back anymore, finally coming with his hand tightening on Yuuri’s own as he did so.

Yuuri’s stamina on the ice was renown and over the years it had increased in the bedroom too, Yuuri still hard now even as Viktor came. At some point, Viktor was sure, Yuuri would be able to outlast him much longer and he very much looked forward to all the creative ways he could use to satisfy his lover when that did eventually come to pass.

With the hand still on Yuuri’s cock he coaxed Yuuri over the edge too, feeling as Yuuri tensed, his toes curling and his fingers tightening on Viktor’s own as he rode out the sensations. Finally he came, arching up off the bed and into Viktor’s touch.

“Viktor,” he gasped as he did so and Viktor froze at the sound, even as Yuuri slumped back into the bed, sated and spent. For years, one of his desires had been to hear Yuuri call for him like that, to speak Viktor’s name in a moment of passion, full of need and desire and want. And finally Yuuri had and it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

Gradually they both relaxed, Viktor taking the weight off his arms to finally lie slumped across Yuuri’s chest, both of them basking in the afterglow. Yuuri seemed content to lie there too, holding Viktor close but eventually they were forced to move, leaving the bed to clean up. As Viktor returned he flipped off the lights, plunging the room into warm darkness.

When they slid back into bed together they snuggled close, positions shifting so that this time Yuuri was the one resting with his head against Viktor’s shoulder. Curling up together and enjoying the simple feeling of each other in a quiet, private moment that Viktor knew he would never forget.

After a few seconds Yuuri lifted his head again, eyes half-lidded from pleasant exhaustion after their earlier activities. Viktor’s arm was wrapped around him, holding him close, and he felt as Yuuri shifted, leaning up to press another kiss to Viktor’s mouth, soft and sweet and full of tenderness.

Viktor could feel himself jolt in surprise the second Yuuri’s lips touched his own but he shook the shock off quickly, reaching out to thread his fingers through Yuuri’s hair and draw him closer. Kissing back and feeling his heart soar at the sensation of Yuuri’s lips on his.

It had been so totally unexpected because it was something they had never done before. Kissing had always been reserved for sex or for foreplay, never for quiet moments when there was nothing to be gained but tenderness. And yet Yuuri had initiated it so casually, as though he didn’t even have to think about it. As though kissing Viktor like this was as natural to him as breathing.

It was warm and soft and familiar and yet new at the same time. A lovers kiss. Lying together in the afterglow and kissing softly, enjoying simply being together.

Yuuri moved his hand up to Viktor’s cheek, cupping it gently as they kissed and Viktor rested his hand on top of Yuuri’s own, linking their fingers together again. Rubbing his thumb over the skin of Yuuri’s hand, allowing his fingers to twist with Yuuri’s as they continued to kiss. Without even thinking about it his hand moved to Yuuri’s ring finger, caressing it gently, playing circles around it in the mockery of a wedding band.

He wanted Yuuri forever, he knew that. Wanted to be with him for as long as they both should live, if only Yuuri wanted the same thing too. They fit together so well and despite everything that had happened they were still together now, even after everything. They had so many elements of a relationship in place already, only a few crucial things keeping them in the limbo where they were trapped, close but not quite close enough.

Viktor wanted more. He always had but he had suppressed it for years only to have it come creeping back in with every soft word and touch and kiss. With every moment spent with Yuuri that reminded him that Yuuri was the person that he had fallen in love with. The first person he had ever loved in that way and very likely the last. The only one he wanted, for the rest of his life.

Eventually they broke apart again and Yuuri settled his head back on Viktor’s chest, yawning sleepily and causing Viktor to do the same. They were both tired after such a long day and they both needed to be well rested to compete at their best tomorrow.

Viktor just hoped that their activities that night wouldn’t have any effect on Yuuri’s performance. He had done his best to make sure that they wouldn’t but he knew from experience that some things were never a particularly good idea the night before a competition, no matter how much Yuuri had wanted it.

Thinking of their time together also reminded him of the beginning, of how Yuuri had gasped and panted and so clearly enjoyed what Viktor had done. How Viktor kept wanting to try different things with Yuuri, to explore both of their desires fully now that they were so close and it was clearly something that Yuuri was willing to do. For so long he had never asked because he had assumed that Yuuri had never said anything and therefore never wanted to try. But now he knew differently. And sometimes asking was the only way to be sure.

“It doesn’t always have to be you, you know,” he told Yuuri quietly and Yuuri looked up at him in surprise, a question clear in his eyes.

“When we sleep together.” he clarified. “It can be the other way around too, if that’s something that you want to try. You only have to ask.”

If Yuuri didn’t want to, Viktor could accept that. He enjoyed the way they were now and always had. But he wanted to have Yuuri the way Yuuri had him sometimes too and he hoped that Yuuri felt the same. It was just another in the long list of things he wanted to try together with Yuuri but the one that he desired most of all.

Yuuri’s expression had quickly morphed from surprise to understanding to interest and he nodded quickly at Viktor’s words.

“Do you want that?” he asked, sounding serious. “You would be happy with that?”

“More than,” Viktor smiled.

He shifted closer, stroking his thumb across the skin of Yuuri’s cheek as he spoke, his hand still resting against Yuuri’s face. Yuuri smiled at him, the flecks of gold in his dark eyes dancing in the faint light from outside the room and Viktor smiled back, feeling at peace. 

“Although maybe not tonight,” he added with a laugh, thinking of the free skate the next day and Yuuri laughed back, nodding in agreement.

“Another time?” Yuuri asked, still smiling and Viktor nodded, lying back down so that they were resting together again, lulled by the quiet of the room and the warmth of each other’s bodies pressed close.

“Another time,” he agreed. There would be plenty of time the next day, once the competition and the official duties were over and Viktor intended to take full advantage of it.

Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

[Discussion] World Championship Winner Theories

submitted by pajeba

{coffeetyphoon} · 52 minutes ago

Well duh, obviously it’s going to be Nikiforov

{thisrosewillneverdie} · 50 minutes ago

Um no? That’s not obvious at all

{luciela} · 47 minutes ago

Come one, he won gold at the GPF, he still holds all the world records, Katsuki might have beat him a handful of times but Nikiforov is still the best of the best

{snowfallbarricade} · 46 minutes ago

Dream all you want but Nikiforov is old. His last Grand Prix gold was lucky but he’ll probably break his hip before he gets another one

{maixion} · 43 minutes ago

There’s still a gap between Katsuki and Nikiforov at this point, much as Katsuki fans hate to admit it. Can Katsuki do a quad flip? No, not even now. He might have taken gold over Viktor before but he still only has two quads and Viktor has basically them all. Presentation score might be important but so are the technical aspects and there Nikiforov has him beat every time

{sheenafox5} · 40 minutes ago

Are you kidding me? The gap between them has closed so fast. Katsuki absolutely wiped the floor with Nikiforov the last season. Nikiforov might have taken the GPF gold back this season but there’s no way he’s getting the world championship title back too. Katsuki’ll never let him

{ellayuki} · 39 minutes ago

Yup, Nikiforov might as well just retire now. It’s time for him to go

{klyamoor} · 37 minutes ago

Can you imagine being so bitter you want a skater to retire just because you don’t like them?

{journa} · 35 minutes ago

Lol and can u imagine being so pathetic that the only way you’re sure your fave will win is if there’s no competition anymore

{singing-swan} · 31 minutes ago

No competition??? Katsuki and Nikiforov might be the ones with the big famous rivalry but there are plenty of amazing skaters in the competition that could still potentially win. Giacometti for one, he’s been nipping at their heels for years and he has a serious shot at gold

{starrynighted} · 29 minutes ago

DON’T FORGET ABOUT JJ <3<3<3

{ohmygodcarlie} · 27 minutes ago

There are shit tons of younger skaters too. Altin is seriously good and he’s slated for the podium this year. Don’t pretend those two are the only two with a shot

{thestarsreminiscing} · 26 minutes ago

YES OTABEK IS THE BEST I WANT HIM TO WIN SO BADLY

{anonymoose-au} · 24 minutes ago

I would sell my soul for Chris to win finally ngl

{cherrypie411} · 20 minutes ago

I appreciate all the other skaters but honestly, if Katsuki doesn’t win this year I’ll cry. I bought my tickets specially for him!!

{elrunon} · 18 minutes ago

And it’s in Tokyo too this year! Winning on home ground would be so amazing for all his fans to see. He has to do it

{aquaxixi} · 16 minutes ago

The whole country is expecting him to do it, he’s gotta live up to that for the sake of national pride. He can’t give the world title over to a Russian on Japanese soil!

{bellatabla} · 13 minutes ago

Plus he lost the GPF to Viktor. If he loses again people will start thinking he’s losing his edge

{supernaturalkinji} · 11 minutes ago

Woah, that’s not fair to put that kind of pressure on him!

{skyequeeng} · 10 minutes ago

Uh, he’s an athlete? Pressure is kind of in his job description

{kat-su-don} · 7 minutes ago

Dude but not like that

{rrsm} · 4 minutes ago

Chill, people are allowed to want to watch him win, spoilsport. They aren’t all buying tickets to watch him lose, that’s for sure

{cherrynotonfire} · 3 minutes ago

Yeah, if Katsuki can’t win in his own country for his fans then what’s the point of skating at all?

When the two of them parted the next day, Viktor had a lot to think about.

After their time together the night before, there were so many things that he needed to consider, combined with so many things from their past that needed to be factored into the equation.

They were so different now, to how they had once been. They might be operating under the guise of casual but suddenly it seemed like anything but. They spent their time together whenever they were near each other and not just in the bedroom but outside of it too. They shared time, shared stories, shared their lives. They shared their beds with nobody but each other. They kissed purely for the sake of kissing and held each other close whenever they could. They talked and laughed and enjoyed each other’s company regardless of the situation and it was all adding up to a dream that Viktor had tried to let go of for years but was finally allowing back into his heart again.

The thoughts had begun to creep in after the Grand Prix Final and all the revelations and changes that it had brought but they hadn’t fully formed until he had seen Yuuri again. Until Yuuri had accepted his invitation to dinner, had fallen asleep on his bed, had talked and laughed animatedly with him all throughout the meal. Had looked so happy and pressed so close and kissed Viktor so sweetly.

It was something that Viktor thought about all the way into the early morning warm up, gliding around on the ice and trying to clear his head.

Viktor had thought he had been obvious with his feelings, so blatantly obvious that no-one could ever miss it. But the way Yuuri had acted the night before, seemingly so full of love, was so opposed to the message that Viktor was sure Yuuri had previously sent. The confirmation that he didn’t love Viktor back, the thing that had caused Viktor to continue to keep his feelings locked away. But Chris’ words kept coming back to haunt him, now more than ever.

Was he sure that Yuuri knew? He thought he was, he was almost certain. But there was a tiny seed of doubt that had been sown with the love in Yuuri’s eyes and had grown and grown with everything he did until Viktor wasn’t quite so sure anymore. A tiny seed of hope and if there was anything worth putting his heart back on the line for, it was that.

The free skate he was practicing as he thought was about Yuuri. It was a confession, just as all the others had been but this one was the most heartfelt one he had crafted so far. Raw and honest and encompassing everything that Yuuri meant to him. It was the best confession he had and Viktor knew he had to make absolutely sure Yuuri heard it and understood, to erase any last sliver of doubt between them.

He would go to Yuuri, ask him to watch. To watch closely and understand because Viktor was skating for him. He always had been.

And after that he would know. For better or for worse. Then he could accept whatever answer Yuuri gave.

The warmup was just beginning to wind down and he looked around for Yuuri, knowing if he was going to speak to the other man before he skated it had to be now. The likelihood would be that they wouldn’t get another chance to speak again until after the competition.  

When he spotted Yuuri however, the other man was already leaving the rink, pulling his skate’s off and slipping away out of the arena. He was looking nervous as he did so, which wasn’t unexpected.

All that morning Yuuri had been jittery and nervous and Viktor had seen him flubbing a triple axel - his favourite jump - during the practice. There was immense pressure on Yuuri this year, skating in his home country with the crushing weight of so many expectations on his shoulders. Especially now, with Viktor ahead of him in the score table and Yuuri with only one more chance to pull it back and win. Viktor didn’t think Yuuri had to worry about underperforming but it seemed that Yuuri was definitely feeling the pressure that day.

Viktor followed him, pulling off his skates too and packing them away before making his way along the same path he had seen Yuuri leave by. When he entered the area reserved just for the skaters he looked around but Yuuri was nowhere in sight.

A few questions to the surrounding skaters and coaches pointed him in the direction to where they had seen Yuuri leave. Yuuri’s belongings were still where they had been that morning so he couldn’t have left the stadium yet. And the direction that Viktor had been pointed in didn’t lead out of the building, instead going deeper into the stadium until all the noise of the crowd had faded away.

Curiosity gradually began to fade to concern as he searched in the direction he had been sent, moving further and further away from the crowds. There was no-one in sight and the part of the stadium he was in looked rarely used, dusty and unkept and so very far out of the way. None of the corridors let to the exit, only deeper into the heart of the stadium and away from the main skating area. He couldn’t think of any reason why Yuuri might have come so far out of the way and for a minute he considered that the other skaters might have been mistaken.

After opening a few of the doors lining the corridor he almost gave up. They all seemed to be old storage rooms and there was no-one around, giving the whole place and almost abandoned and eerie feel. But just as he was about to turn away he caught site of a door standing ajar down at the end of the corridor, a sharp contrast to all the firmly closed ones he had seen before.

Viktor still had no idea what Yuuri could possibly be doing hiding so far from view but if he was going to be anywhere, it was going to be there. If not, Viktor would have to go back and begin his search somewhere else.

Walking up to the door he pulled it fully open, finally catching a glimpse of the familiar dark-haired figure standing before him.

“Yuuri,” he called in relief, stepping into the darkness of the room. “I tried to find you after practice but you disappeared and someone said they saw you come this way and…”

He trailed off, taking in the sight before him. And everything in his world froze at once.

Yuuri had spun around, startled at the sound of Viktor’s voice. His eyes were wide and he stepped backwards, guilty backing away, posture tense. His hand was halfway to his mouth and there were two tiny white pills resting in his palm, glaringly starkly in the dimness surrounding them.

Viktor didn’t think. He didn’t have time to think because all he knew was that within the next second Yuuri was about to swallow those pills and he could not let that happen. 

Crossing the distance between them at a sprint he grabbed Yuuri’s hand, yanking it away from his mouth and sending the pills tumbling to the floor. Yuuri cried out at the sudden touch, tensing instinctively and staring at Viktor with horror in his eyes.

“What are you doing?” Viktor asked. He begged. He needed to know, prayed with everything in him that he had been mistaken.

“Viktor, let go of me.” Yuuri cried out instead and Viktor dropped his wrist immediately, watching as Yuuri backed away and waiting, pleading with his eyes for Yuuri to answer his question and tell him that he had been wrong.

He desperately wanted to be wrong. He had reacted on instinct as soon as he had seen the pills because he had seen it before. Coaches slipping bottles into hands, athletes under the immense pressure to be perfect making a stupid decision in their desperation to live up to the impossible expectations. The way it all came crashing down, ruining careers. Ruining lives. His first instinct had been to pull the pills away because he couldn’t let that happen. Not to Yuuri.

Looking into Yuuri’s eyes he waited for the answer, still praying that Yuuri would tell Viktor that he had been wrong. That there could possibly be another reason why Yuuri was secluded away, so far off the beaten path that no-one could possibly find him unless they were looking. Why he was actively hiding to take pills that Viktor prayed weren’t what he first assumed. He needed Yuuri to tell him that he had been wrong, that he had jumped to conclusions even despite the horrifically suspicious circumstances and that his fear that he had almost watched Yuuri ruin his own life was completely unfounded.

But Yuuri didn’t speak. Instead he continued to back away, body language defensive and eyes darting around the room, as if looking for a way out. His breathing was rapidly speeding up and there was fear written clearly across his face.

And he said nothing. The seconds dragged out and Yuuri said nothing, not a word to defend his own innocence and Viktor felt his heart drop like a lead weight at the implication. Yuuri wasn’t defending himself. Instead he was reacting guiltily, backing away, looking for an escape, fearful at being caught. And it broke Viktor’s heart because he had hoped beyond hope that his first instinct had been wrong but every second that passed proved it right.

“Yuuri, what are you doing?” he begged again, trying to understand. Yuuri was a phenomenal skater who adored the sport just as Viktor did. He wasn’t a cheat at heart, Viktor knew it. There must be some reason, something that had pushed Yuuri to this and something that Viktor could fix before Yuuri ruined himself by making such a colossal mistake. 

Maybe it was Yuuri’s coach. It had happened before, coaches convincing their skaters a little something extra couldn’t hurt, that everyone did it. Or maybe it was Yuuri himself, finally broken under the immense pressure the world put them both under.

They were in Yuuri’s home country in the most important competition of the year. Yuuri had lost his Grand Prix title to Viktor only months before and Viktor knew how much winning gold meant to the other man. The pressure on Yuuri now was greater than ever before, he couldn’t allow himself to lose this time, not now. And while Yuuri’s presentation score was perfect, his technical score still always fell short of Viktor’s own. With less quads in his repertoire the only way he could make up for them was pushing every jump back into the second half of his program, something that could leave a skater broken on the ice from exhaustion. Maybe it was desperation, Yuuri making a single stupid mistake as others had done before him, to try and give himself the edge when the weight of his fans and his country and every unfair expectation that had ever been placed on him finally crushed him for good.

“You don’t have to do that.” Viktor pleaded, hoping that Yuuri would understand. “God Yuuri, why would you do that? You don’t need it to win, I swear. Yuuri…”

Yuuri could win on talent alone, Viktor knew he could. Yuuri had done it before and his skating was nothing that could ever be taken from a bottle. The emotion, the presentation, the way Yuuri gave everything of himself to the ice, that was what won him the gold. He didn’t need anything else. Viktor just had to convince him of that.

There was still time to fix this. Yuuri might not be protesting his innocence, condemning himself with his silence but there was still time. If only Viktor could convince him that he was making a terrible mistake, they could work out what to do together and he could protect Yuuri from the world and from Yuuri himself.

There were tears welling in Yuuri’s eyes and his breath was coming in short, sharp pants now, still gazing at Viktor in horror. Viktor wanted nothing more than to take Yuuri in his arms, to promise that they would find a way. To wipe the tears from Yuuri’s eyes and beg him to understand that this was wrong but there was still time to make it right.

“Vitya?”

Viktor felt his heart freeze and he whipped his head around, staring at where Yakov was standing in the doorway, eyes wide. He must have caught sight of Viktor in the public areas, must have followed him here. For what reason didn’t matter because Yakov’s eyes were narrowing as he took in the scene before him.

They two of them, hidden far away from prying eyes in a place they had no business being in. The look of horror written across Viktor’s face and the terror on Yuuri’s. The way Yuuri had backed himself up against the wall, eyes wild and scared and looking so very guilty. The pills on the floor between them, with nothing to suggest that they were anything but what he knew Yakov would assume they were.

Yakov’s eyes narrowed in anger and he rounded on Yuuri, looking furious. If there was one thing Yakov hated, Viktor knew, it was a cheat. Yakov had had his suspicions about Yuuri’s motivations around Viktor for years now but this evidence of foul play was far worse and far more damning.

“I’ve always know there was something wrong about you. After everything that you’ve done. And now I have proof.” Yakov growled out and Viktor watched as the colour drained from Yuuri’s face, his eyes going wide and glassy as the tears spilled down his cheeks. “You won’t get away with this. They’ll ban you for life once I tell them.”

Suddenly, Viktor was angry. He couldn’t let that happen, he wouldn’t let that happen. Yuuri might have been about to make a mistake, maybe had already made one, but he didn’t deserve to have everything he had worked for ruined because of it. There had to be another way, there must.

“Yakov stop it,” he snarled, rounding on his coach and planting himself between Yakov and Yuuri like a barrier. He wouldn’t let his coach anywhere near Yuuri until Yuuri had finally explained himself because there was still a tiny part of Viktor that prayed that even after everything that pointed to the opposite, he had been wrong and Yuuri was innocent. And if the worst came to pass they could still speak with Yuuri, could speak with Yuuri’s coach, do anything and everything to try and fix this that wouldn’t involve Yuuri’s career and reputation being ruined for good.

But it seemed that Yuuri had other ideas. Viktor felt Yuuri’s shoulder slam into him as he pushed past, running for the door, past a startled Yakov and out into the corridor before either of them could do anything more than blink.

“Yuuri, wait,” he yelled, jolting forward in a vain attempt to catch the other man before he fled but Yuuri was already far out of his reach.

“Yuuri!” he called again, running forward but Yakov’s hand on his shoulder stopped him before he could even make it out of the door.

“You would go after him now?” Yakov snapped at him in Russian, looking disbelieving. “Even after he has run and proved his own guilt?”

Viktor shook Yakov’s hand off his shoulder, hurling a string of furious curses at his coach before taking off down the corridor after Yuuri. Finding the other man was imperative before everything spiralled far out of either of their control.

But Yuuri was already gone. No matter where Viktor searched, the panic rising in him with every step, Yuuri was nowhere to be found. Finally he sprinted back to the cursed storage room where the whole mess had begun but Yakov was gone too and the pills were gone with him. Viktor swore again, trying to keep his own emotions at bay but feeling them threatening to spill over, fear and panic and worry and heartbreak too much for him to be able to contain.

When he finally found Yakov again, the other man was looking solemn.

“It’s done,” he told Viktor and Viktor felt his insides turn to ice as he looked into his coach’s eyes. Yakov had reported Yuuri. There was nothing he could do to stop it now.

“You had no right,” he snapped at his coach, furious, but Yakov cut him off, looking angry,

“I had every right,” he growled back. “I saw a potential breach of the rules and I reported it, just like you should have done the minute you saw him hiding with those pills. If he’s innocent, he will be fine. But that wasn’t the reaction of an innocent man. I’ve been telling you for years he will ruin you and I won’t let you throw away everything you’ve worked for because of this. Not for someone like him, who would toss you away in a heartbeat. Someone who has already done you so much damage.”

Viktor wanted to scream at Yakov that he was wrong, that that wasn’t the point anyway and that Yuuri didn’t deserve this. But he couldn’t. Yakov had followed the rules, it was true. Viktor had been willing to risk everything for Yuuri, to give Yuuri a chance to fix this without official involvement to protect him because he knew that this wasn’t who Yuuri was. Yuuri was better than that. One desperate mistake didn’t have to be the end for him, as it now might be. But that choice was now far out of his hands.

Instead, he called Yuuri. He needed to speak with him. To say what, he didn’t know. But he needed to speak with him all the same. Everything had come crashing down so fast it made him feel sick and dizzy and so very scared and all he needed was to hear Yuuri say something, anything, to help explain this whole mess.

There was still hope at least. Yakov might think that Yuuri had been cheating since the beginning but Viktor refused to believe that. He knew Yuuri, knew how hard he worked and how much he adored the sport. Yuuri hadn’t been cheating for years, of that Viktor was certain. This had to be one stupid mistake and there was still a chance that disaster had already been averted. He had stopped Yuuri taking the pills after all, now he just had to pray that it hadn’t been going on any longer than that single day and the ISU would be lenient with their judgement. A slim hope but one he clung to all the same.

Every time he called Yuuri, the phone went straight to voice mail but that didn’t deter him. He kept trying, over and over again, praying that Yuuri would pick up. Eventually he called and the call refused to go through and Viktor realised what had happened. Yuuri had blocked his number.

That only made Viktor’s sick feelings of worry worse. He couldn’t understand how they could have been so happy the night before only for this to completely blindside him and ruin everything. Not just what they had but the future he had only just let himself dream about again too. All gone in a single moment.

With Yuuri’s number gone he tried to contact Yuuri’s coach, his friend, anyone who might be able to put Viktor through but to no success. The battery on his phone dropped and dropped as he tried again and again, going back to calling Yuuri in the futile hope that he might still pick up.

Finally, Yakov came to him again, face even more serious than it had been before. The frown lines around his mouth and eyes were deepened and Viktor tensed as he approached, not sure if he was ready to hear what Yakov was going to say. It had been hours since the accusations had been made, enough time for the investigations that he knew would be carried out to be done.

“Katsuki is innocent,” Yakov told him bluntly and Viktor felt himself let out a gasping breath, doubling over in relief at the words. He wanted to laugh and he wanted to cry and he didn’t know what he wanted except to simply see Yuuri because Yuuri was innocent and it was all going to be ok. He still didn’t understand what Yuuri had been doing acting so suspiciously, why Yuuri had never once tried to defend himself, why Yuuri had run. But the ISU had the pills and they had Yuuri and if they had proclaimed him innocent then innocent was what Yuuri was.

“What…” he asked, still feeling dizzy with relief and Yakov answered before he even had the chance to finish.

“The pills were anxiety medication. ISU cleared,” he told Viktor and for the first time in his life, Viktor was sure that Yakov looked guilty. Viktor wanted to process the words, to understand the full meaning behind them but he was still so caught up on the fact that Yuuri was innocent. There was no room left to think about anything else, although he knew that soon there would be and Yakov’s words would finally hit him full force and would certainly give him a lot to think about.

The first thing he had to do now was apologise to Yuuri. The guilt was rising in him too, awful and twisting because he might have had his reasons for thinking what he did but he was wrong. He could still remember the expression on Yuuri’s face at the accusations, the memory was branded onto the back of his eyelids and it hurt. All the more because he had been the one to cause it. Mere months after Yuuri had told him how Viktor had hurt him as a child and Viktor had somehow unintentionally managed to do it once again.

He couldn’t expect Yuuri to forgive him straight away, he knew that. No matter how good his reasons had been, he knew this wasn’t going to be an easy fix. But he would get down on bended knee if he had to, beg Yuuri for his forgiveness, tell Yuuri over and over again how sorry he was until Yuuri finally believed him. He would do everything in his power to fix this.

“Vitya,” Yakov said and this time his voice was guarded. “There’s more.”

Viktor turned to Yakov again, relief and guilt and the desperate need to apologise warring within him. But all of that was banished when he took in Yakov’s expression. He had never seen his coach truly worried before. Not until now.

“There was an information leak within the ISU,” Yakov told him and Viktor felt his breath halt in his chest, every muscle in his body suddenly strung tight and braced for what was to come. “The story has already broken.”

“What?” he whispered, all the relief suddenly draining away to be replaced by terror.

“Someone leaked the accusation and then the results to the press,” Yakov replied and Viktor could begin to feel the ground sway under him. An internal investigation coming up false was bad but private and fixable. This however…

“I need to get to Yuuri,” he blurted out, standing up abruptly, knocking his chair over as he did so. The minute something like this went public there would be no stopping it and soon the whole world would know. That he had accused Yuuri, even if indirectly. Of what Yuuri had been accused of. Of the results which, even if it was something he had no experience in, Viktor knew should never be revealed without permission. It was an unforgivable breach of privacy and a scandal in the making and he had been the one to start it. He needed to get to Yuuri. Now.

“Vitya no,” Yakov caught his arm and Viktor shook him off, rounding on his coach angrily. He didn’t have time to deal with Yakov or how this would affect his own career at the moment. All he cared about was Yuuri.

“I’ve called a press conference,” Yakov continued and Viktor opened his mouth to speak but Yakov cut him off before he was able. “Vitya, listen to me. You have to do this and you have to do this now. This is my fault I know and I’m sorry but the spotlight is on you now. The faster you publicly withdraw the accusations and apologise, the easier the damage control will be.”

Viktor squared his shoulders, prepared to fight Yakov on this one. Minimising the impact to his own reputation was the last thing on his mind right now. But Yakov cut him off again, looking serious.

“If not for yourself, do this for him. His reputation is on the line too. The longer you wait to proclaim him innocent, the more people will believe his guilt, no matter what the ISU says. Do this now. For him.”

Viktor felt his shoulders slump, knowing that Yakov was right. The most important thing now was Yuuri and the best thing he could do for Yuuri now was make it explicitly clear exactly where all the blame lay. Yakov may have been the one to make the accusation to the ISU but no media or fan would care about that. His was the name that was being pitted opposite Yuuri’s now in the court of public opinion. He needed to make it clear that Yuuri was innocent, that he believed the ISU right and that the accusations coming from his side were completely false. It was never something that should have been made public but now that it had been, all he could do was try and take as much of the blame onto himself as he could to protect Yuuri in the way he had failed to do before.

The press conference seemed to pass by in a blur, none of it really registering beyond his fear and terrible, terrible guilt. He made his statements, not bothering to even try and excuse himself like he knew Yakov wanted him to do. Saying there had been suspicious circumstances, trying to claim that there had been good justification for the accusations might make people more sympathetic to his side but it would be at the cost of a higher doubt of Yuuri’s innocence. He wouldn’t do that, not after the damage that had already been caused.

Instead he explained that the accusations were false, that Yuuri had done nothing wrong. That the blame fell solely to his side and that there was no question of the fact that Yuuri didn’t and had never cheated. It was all a mistake and Yuuri was not to blame. And he was so very sorry.

After the statements came questions from the reporters, many of them making Viktor bristle with indignation, on both his and Yuuri’s behalf. They were clearly looking for gossip, looking for a story and this was a scoop none of them were willing to miss. They wanted the dirty details and they were shameless in asking. And all Viktor could do was answer with gritted teeth and false calm, dismissing the rumours, shutting down questions about the information of Yuuri’s that never should have been released and apologising over and over again, hoping that somewhere, Yuuri would be able to hear him.

Part of him hoped that Yuuri would be present in the room but he never showed up. And much as Viktor searched for him as the time wore on, he still couldn’t find him.

All Viktor needed was to see Yuuri, to talk to him. To apologise. To beg his forgiveness. To pray that this wasn’t the end because if it was it would break him. Not now. Not like this.

He barely registered when Yakov forced his skates into his hand, too lost in his own head to do anything but put them on. It was only when Yakov pulled him in the direction of the arena that he realised the competition must have already started. Only when he finally remembered that there was actually a competition still going on even after everything that had happened that he could bring himself to hurry after Yakov, knowing that wherever Yuuri had been hiding, he would have to be at the rink now. He was scheduled to skate before Viktor and no matter what had happened, no matter how badly Yuuri had been hurt, he wouldn’t give up now.

With that knowledge, Viktor almost stumbled his way to the main arena, looking around frantically at the faces of the other skaters to catch a glimpse of the only one he now cared about. Overhead the announcer called Viktor’s name, startling him. It seemed Yakov had only brought him out just in time for his own performance. But that meant that Yuuri had already skated which meant that Yuuri already might be gone.

He had spent every second after the press conference trying to find Yuuri, to lost to even remember about the skating or the fact they were both expected to compete. He certainly didn’t care about it now, not even when Yakov tried to guide him out onto the ice. Instead he searched around the arena, hoping to catch a glimpse of Yuuri somewhere. Just enough to show him where to run to, to try and begin to make amends for what Viktor had so inadvertently started.

“Vitya, get on the ice,” Yakov told him as murmuring began to fill the stadium, the crowds restless and confused as Viktor stayed exactly where he was, at the mouth of the rink but refusing to step out to perform.

Viktor stood his ground, refusing to move as he continued to search for Yuuri and Yakov growled in frustration, looking concerned.

“Viktor, get on the ice,” he said again, louder this time although the words were still almost drowned out by the crowds and their native language gave them some sense of privacy. Viktor just laughed, the sound feeling bitter in his throat.

“Do you really think I care about skating now?” he shot back, making the words as biting as he could. Yakov might have dragged him here expecting Viktor to skate but it was the last thing on his mind. His coach might still care about saving his career but as far as Viktor was concerned it could go to hell as long as he was able to find Yuuri, and fast. The announcer called for him again and Yakov’s eyes flickered to the judges, looking angrier and more concerned by the second.

“If you don’t skate, you will be disqualified,” he snapped, forcing Viktor to take a step back so that his skates were on the ice. But still Viktor refused to skate out and perform. Every second he wasted here was another second that he wasn’t looking for Yuuri. He had already wasted enough time by accidentally missing Yuuri’s free skate performance, he couldn’t afford to waste more.

“Then let me be disqualified,” he replied, gestures and expression angry as he continued to search the arena, hoping to catch a glimpse of Yuuri. Yakov scowled at him and the announcer called his name a third time, a note of warning in their voice. It would already count as a late start, if Viktor wasted anymore time, as he fully intended to do, he wouldn’t be allowed on the ice at all.

Yakov’s eyes narrowed at the announcer’s voice and Viktor’s stubbornness and he lowered his voice. His tone was quiet and dangerous but Viktor could hear the worry there, hidden though it was.

“Your reputation is damaged enough as it is. If you refuse to skate you will lose sponsors, lose support. You’ve been pushing the end of your career now for years and this could end it for good, do you understand?”

Viktor wanted to protest, to argue that he didn’t care about that, not now. Not at all. No matter what Yakov was doing, no matter how he was trying to help Viktor in his own way, he was a barrier between Viktor and what he desperately needed to do and Viktor intended to pay him no heed.

“If you end your career here,” Yakov told him, eyes showing his regret but voice still hard and cold. “You may never see him again. That’s what you’ll be risking, if you don’t get onto that ice.”

Viktor could feel his shoulders slump at the words, all the fight and righteous fury suddenly draining out of him and being replaced by a cold feeling of dread. No matter how desperate he was to get to Yuuri now, he knew the likelihood of Yuuri forgiving him so soon for something that had become so terrible, as unintentional as it had been, was low. And if Yuuri sent him away, if Yuuri refused to speak to him just as he had blocked Viktor’s calls, competitions would be the only things left to bring them together. The only chances Viktor would have to make amends if Yuuri rejected everything else. He couldn’t risk losing that.

With a sinking heart he finally skated out onto the rink, still desperately looking around and hoping to catch sight of Yuuri somewhere in the crowds. He just wanted this to be over, just wanted to find Yuuri and do everything he could to try and heal the hurt that had been so unintentionally dealt.

Viktor barely registered when the music started, rushing through the moves as quickly as he could, knowing how ungainly and hurried he looked and not being able to bring himself to care. This routine was supposed to be a confession, encompassing all the love he felt for Yuuri. Now if just felt like chains, weighing him down and biting into his skin with every movement, leaving raw fresh wounds wherever they touched.

The weight was so heavy that every jump felt like the hardest thing he had ever done and finally he stumbled, missing the landing on his quad flip and hitting the ice with his knees. The crowd gasped around him in shock but Viktor barely noticed. Part of him just wanted to remain there, to not get up and never move again.

How could he have been so happy merely hours ago, thinking that this routine would be filled with joy and that after he might finally see if he and Yuuri had a chance. Now everything was ashes around him, destroyed by the spark he had created and taking both he and Yuuri along with it.

But he had to get up. He had to go on because he still needed to find Yuuri. And so he hauled himself to his feet and skated on, clumsy and imprecise until finally the music ended and he could breathe again.

He only held his final position for a second before he dropped it, hurrying back over to the exit of the rink where Yakov was waiting, looking sad. As he did so he went back to scanning the crowd, desperately hoping that Yuuri hadn’t left the room and that he was still somewhere in sight.

And then he saw him.

Yuuri was standing far away, framed in the doorway to one of the exits of the rink. His position suggested that he had been leaving but the figure was frozen in place, staring back at Viktor and Viktor’s heart leaped.

Slipping on the ice he changed from hurrying to flat out sprinting the last few meters off the rink, reaching down frantically to tug off his skates as fast as he could. Yuuri was leaving, Yuuri was leaving, and Viktor had to catch him before he went. There was so much he still needed to say, couldn’t let it end the way it had and the fear was rising in his chest as he pulled off his skates, discarding them on the floor without a second thought.

Yakov moved towards him, reaching out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder but Viktor shook him off. Yuuri had turned away again, moving to walk out the door but he stopped and looked back at Viktor one last time and Viktor ran. Sprinting around the rink, deaf to the shocked noises of the crowd whose eyes were fixed on the two of them, blind to anything but Yuuri.

“Yuuri,” he called, desperate. His heart was hammering in his chest and everything in him was begging Yuuri to wait, to give him a chance to explain and apologise and fix everything because they had been through so much and he couldn’t bear to lose Yuuri like this.

Yuuri looked at him for a long second, face growing clearer with every step that Viktor took closer to him. Expression devastated, heartbroken. A perfect mirror to Viktor’s own. And then he turned and walked away.

For a split second Viktor froze, feeling pain cut through him as the shards of his heart tore into him at the sight of Yuuri leaving. Then he was running again. It felt like an eternity before he finally reached the door but eventually he did, bursting through and looking around frantically for any sign of where Yuuri went.

The hallway was empty. Doors and passages twisted off it from every angle, so many directions Yuuri could have gone and there was no way for him to search them all. And, Viktor realised finally, there was no point. Yuuri had left, Yuuri had seen him and had still walked away. Yuuri was already gone. 

Stumbling forward, Viktor could feel his legs give out from under him, sending him to his knees as the realisation hit him in full force. Pain ripping through his chest, gasping for breath and failing to breathe because Yuuri was gone and it was his fault and it burned, it burned, it burned.

There was noise all around him, a high-pitched, keening whine like a wounded animal and it took Viktor several seconds to realise that it was coming from himself. Curling in on himself he tried to stifle the noise but there was nothing he could do to prevent the sounds, each one cutting through his throat like shards of glass. It hurt, it hurt so much he couldn’t bear it and the only thing he could focus on was that Yuuri had gone. After so many years of trying to hold them together and in the end, Viktor had been the one to destroy it all.

“Vitya,”

The voice was soft, hesitant and wary all at once but the hand on his shoulder was gentle, a warm weight trying to ground him and bring him back to the present. Viktor didn’t need to look up to see who it was.

“I lost him,” he sobbed feeling his voice crack and his heart break on the words. “I lost him.”

The hand on his shoulder slipped beneath his arm, pulling him upright as Viktor swayed, far too caught up in his own misery to even be able to think about supporting himself.

“There are people coming,” Yakov told him, voice full of concern as he held Viktor upright. He must have run out after Viktor to make it there before them, Viktor realised distantly. “Come with me, before they see.”

It was Yakov’s form of comfort, he knew. Trying to be kind, to protect Viktor from the hoards of press and fans who would surely be gleeful to see what had happened the minute he had left the rink. And Viktor didn’t want them to see, didn’t want them to know. It hurt enough as it was and his pain was private. The world had already done enough damage to he and Yuuri both, he wasn’t going to give them fuel to cause anymore.

Limply he allowed Yakov to lead him away, stumbling as he did so, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. He had thought he had known heartbreak before but it was nothing compared to this. After watching Yuuri leave, Viktor wasn’t sure if there was anything of his heart left to be broken anymore.

Viktor Nikiforov Falsely Accuses Yuuri Katsuki of Doping – Figure Skating’s Latest Scandal

Fans of the popular sport were shocked and outraged earlier today to hear that accusations of using performance enhancing drugs were levied at popular skater Yuuri Katsuki by the coach of his long-time rival Viktor Nikiforov. Accusations that were swiftly proven false by the ISU, rapidly leading too…

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Comments:

 natariii · 9m ago

Once again Nikiforov proves himself to be literally the worst person in the world, to the surprise of absolutely no-one. First he sabotages Katsuki by crashing into him and now this. Is there nothing he won’t do?

jesusmaryandjosephgordon-levitt  · 8m ago

How can you possibly say that? Did you not see how heartbroken he looked after his free skate (which he total bombed btw). Did you not see his apology press conference literally only a couple of hours after? Don’t say things like this to people who don’t deserve it

iron-slut  · 6m ago

He totally deserved it. He could have ruined Katsuki’s career with accusations like that if the ISU hadn’t proven it false so quickly.

hibonite  · 5m ago

Are we so sure it’s false though? I’ve always thought Katsuki is suuuuuper suspicious and the ISU might have been wrong. Viktor had to have had a good reason for the accusation and Katsuki was taking pills after all. That sounds like cheating to me.

raylis  · 4m ago

Yeah but his pills were for anxiety. Shut the hell up

rociel · 4m ago

And Nikiforov himself said in his press conference he was completely wrong and the accusations were entirely false. I don’t think he’d be happy to hear his fans trying to contradict him even to so called ‘defend’ him

chocolahtay · 3m ago

I still think Katsuki is a cheat. Pills are pills, doesn’t matter what they’re for

allaboutthedrama · 2m ago

First of all, fuck off. And second of all, I hope Nikiforov never shows his face again. He destroyed Katsuki’s chances of winning in his home country and if he never comes back to skating I’ll be glad of it. And boohoo, I don’t give a shit if he cried about it after. Like he’s the one we should be feeling sorry for

chessala · 2m ago

You do know it’s possible to feel sorry for them both right? What happened was clearly terrible for both of them and none of us know the whole story so back off before you come in here and judge either of them for what was clearly a terrible misunderstanding. It’s not either of their faults it got leaked and turned into the horrendous shitshow that it is

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The banquet didn’t feel like a celebration. It felt more like a funeral.

Viktor hadn’t wanted to go, hadn’t wanted to do anything but curl up in his bed and refuse to leave. But the banquet was the last event where all the skaters would be together before the season ended, his very last chance to see Yuuri before he was gone. Staying away hadn’t been an option.

The atmosphere was heavy, the weight of what had happened hanging in the air around everyone. The conversation was kept light, congratulations for the medallists and the same normal, official talk  but Viktor could see people shooting him glances out of the corners of their eyes throughout the whole evening. Pity, condemnation, it didn’t matter to him. There was only one person he wanted to see and he was still conspicuously absent. 

“Viktor.”

Chris’ voice came from beside him, tone concerned as he reached out a hand to place it comfortingly on Viktor’s shoulder.

“Viktor, I don’t think he’s coming.”

For the whole evening Viktor had been standing at one side of the room, grip so tight on his glass that he thought his might break it and staring resolutely at the doors. Waiting for Yuuri to enter. Yuuri was a skater too, he had to come. There had to be one last chance for Viktor to make amends. But so far, there had been nothing.

“He might be late,” Viktor replied, voice hoarse and Chris sighed, giving him a look that was full of pity.

“Please don’t stay here for me Chris,” Viktor added, trying to force a smile back onto his face. “You won. You’re the gold medallist. You should be out there enjoying yourself. Please don’t ruin your victory for me.”

‘Because I’ve already ruined everything else,’ he didn’t say.

Chris just snorted, the noise sounding bitterly amused as he turned to look at Viktor in disbelief.

“Do you really think I can enjoy this?” he exclaimed, gesturing to the room at large and then to Viktor, who was still standing watching with his shoulders slumped. “Do you really think this is victory for me?”

When Viktor didn’t reply he continued, face lined with concern and sadness.

“I wanted to beat you and Yuuri,” he confessed and Viktor nodded because that had been the case for years. “I wanted to win gold finally, I wanted to show the world that I could do it. Just once, before I retired. I didn’t want this.”

“I’m sorry,” Viktor croaked out because that was his fault too. This was supposed to be Chris’ crowning moment, not a win by default as Viktor fell apart at the seams next to him. What had started as him trying to protect Yuuri had spiralled so far out of control and the events he had set in motion had destroyed everything. And not just for him but for the people he cared about too. He was like Midas, with all the gold in the world and ruining every person that he touched.

“It’s not your fault,” Chris told him, the backtracked at the look on Viktor’s face. “Ok, some of it is your fault. But you can’t take the whole blame here Viktor. You were just doing what you thought was right. You were just trying to protect him. You might be partially to blame but this whole thing isn’t just on you.”

“But how do I fix it?” Viktor asked, not caring that he was pleading. Of all the people he had known over the years, Chris was the one that he trusted the most. He had always been there with advice and support and if anyone could tell him how to fix what seemed unfixable, it would be Chris. “Please tell me how to fix this.”

But Chris just looked at him sorrow and pity clear on his face as he started at his friend.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, sounding helpless. “I’m sorry Viktor. But I don’t know.”

[Nikiforov runs for Katsuki – Figure Skating World Championships]

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Comments · 2261

Top Comments ˅

kiaronna [1 day ago]

I still can’t believe any of this actually happened

view all 13 replies˅

gluelessly [8 hour ago]

I don’t want to believe any of it actually happened

mereth [2 hours ago]

I’m still in shock

impossibleleaf [10 hours ago]

When I head Nikiforov had falsely accused Katsuki of doping I was furious. I thought he was trying to sabotage Katsuki or something. But after this happened…

view all 6 replies˅

howlery [7 hours ago]

His press conference apology was really heartbreaking as well. Idk what actually happened with the whole accusations but he looked so upset about it

 melody0136 [4 hours ago]

I know some people are saying he tried to sabotage Katsuki with the whole scandal thing but anyone who watched this can see otherwise.

dizzyhothead  [1 day ago]

If you pause on his face at 1.23 when Katsuki turns away you can actually pinpoint the second that his heart ripped in half

view all 10 replies˅

lorekai [4 hours ago]

I’ve got to admit, I laughed

mollywobble [2 hours ago]

not cool dude

charmandhex [6 hours ago]

I know everyone is focused on Nikiforov here but honestly, Katsuki’s face is one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen

view all 4 replies˅

galliaandco [4 hours ago]

Anyone who thinks he still hates Nikiforov is an idiot. He looked like his heart was breaking when he watched Nikiforov skate and when he walked away I’m pretty sure he was crying

matuta [1 hour ago]

I’m pretty sure Nikiforov was about to start crying too

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The end of the competition was a blur. Viktor hadn’t medalled, nor had he expected too. Neither had Yuuri, ruining his skate just as Viktor had ruined his own and disappearing from the public eye for good. No-one knew where he had gone, although Viktor had a pretty good idea. But Yuuri had walked away from him. Yuuri didn’t want to see him. And Viktor had already done far too much damage.

Yakov whisked him out of Japan as soon as they could, sneaking away to avoid the crowds and the media and the spotlight that was still firmly fixed on Viktor. The scandal that had ensued was huge, outrage at the false accusations levied against Yuuri in his home country, causing him to lose the biggest competition of his career. Viktor could only be grateful that the vast majority of the anger was directed at him, that the truth had been spread so quickly that Yuuri had been spared the worst and the scandal was mainly over the fact that Yuuri had been falsely accused, not the accusations themselves.

Neither of them got away completely unscathed though, vicious opinions and accusations flung by every arrogant person who thought they were allowed a say into his or Yuuri’s lives. People discussing personal information about Yuuri like it was their right, not like the horrific breach of his privacy that it was. People speaking about them, for them, with every word making everything so much worse no matter which side they were on. Eventually Viktor turned off his phone, unable to deal with any of it anymore.

Yuuri had vanished and Viktor wanted to vanish too. When he finally arrived back home in Russia he went straight to his apartment, fumbling with the lock and stumbling through the front door. Dropping his bag in the hallway and finally sinking down on the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest, curling in on himself.

Makkachin came bounding out to greet him, sensing that something was wrong immediately. He whined, putting his head on Viktor’s knees and licking at his face, trying to offer some comfort. Viktor just pulled him closer, burying his fingers in Makkachin’s fur and finally letting the emotions he had been holding back overwhelm him again, feeling the tears well up in his eyes.

He was finally alone, locked away in the safety of his apartment where no-one would be watching. Yuuri was gone, fled from the world and fled from him, maybe never to return. Viktor’s heart had broken and he had broken Yuuri’s too, all over again.

Viktor held Makkachin close, let his head fall to his knees and cried and cried and cried.

Chapter Text

Every day that passed felt like an eternity.

 Logically, Viktor knew that less than a week had gone by since everything had come crumbling down around him. But even with that knowledge every hour seemed to drag by, the hands of the clock inching closer and closer to another day done with agonising slowness.

The worst part was that there was nothing to do but think. Skating wasn’t an option, the ice that he used to use to distract himself and fill the empty gaps in his life would give him no comfort now. Everything to do with the sport he had given his life to was haunted by memories and he wasn’t ready yet to face those ghosts again just yet.

Even simply leaving the safety of his apartment felt impossible some days. So many eyes were fixed on him, so many people talking and gossiping about things they had no right to. He had muted all of his social media channels and refused to look at them ever since it had happened. Whenever he was forced to go outside, mainly to take Makkachin on walks, he kept his hair covered and his head down and stuck to quiet areas where he was unlikely to be recognised.

The only time he had been recognised, at least that he knew of, had been a couple of days previously, merely a few days after the scandal that had torn his world apart. It had been a reporter who had seen him, a greasy middle-aged man who was clearly desperate for a story. What had happened at the World Championships was all that anyone in the skating world seemed to be able to talk about, the hottest gossip in years. No-one seemed to want to leave it or either he nor Yuuri alone, even if Viktor desperately wished that they would.

The reporter had been one of those people, approaching him unexpectedly with a fake smile of sympathy, digging for a story. Wanting to hear Viktor’s side away from the pressures of the official press conference, wanting to give him a chance to express the way he was really feeling, at least according to the man who wanted to sell those feelings on for profit.

Viktor had seen through the façade easily, he had enough years of experience dealing with reporters to be able to tell the genuine from the gossip mongers. But his persistent refusal to answer the increasingly invasive questions didn’t seem to deter the man in the slightest. Instead the reporter sounded like he was trying to be sympathetic, to be on Viktor’s side in the way the most vile of Viktor’s fans were ‘on his side’, seeing the entire world in black and white and right and wrong and not able to speak for Viktor without first trying to tear Yuuri down.

The persistence had frustrated Viktor but the implied insults against Yuuri had made him see red. The implication that Yuuri was a cheat, that Viktor was blameless and the ISU unfair or wrong. He couldn’t even remember what he had said, so lost to the cold fury that had made his posture tense and his voice low and dangerous. Picking the man and his lies apart with cutting words and sharp anger that had had the reporter fleeing with his tail between his legs within minutes, face white. Viktor knew that he had made a scene when he turned to see people on the street with gaping mouths, some with cameras out and pointing at him but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

The anger refused to leave him even when he hurried home, slumping against the door as he tried to calm the furious beating of his heart. He was angry at the reporter, angry at the world and everyone who spoke lies about the person he loved, someone who had never deserved the spotlight he was now trapped under. But most of all he was angry at himself. For inadvertently starting something that had caused so much pain, for hurting Yuuri and for the way some people seemed determined to try and absolve him of blame. He knew where the blame lay and he would rather live with that guilt for the rest of his life than casually cast it away. He would only be able to lay it down with the forgiveness of one person alone, if that ever did come to pass.

He hoped it would, hoped with a desperate longing that he would be given a chance to fix what he had done. But he didn’t expect it, couldn’t expect it after everything that had happened. All he wanted was the chance to apologise, to let Yuuri know how sorry he was and to try and make amends even if he couldn’t earn forgiveness. But there had been no word from Yuuri since he had vanished. No sightings, not even in the skate club in Detroit where Yuuri lived. Despite that however, Viktor already had a pretty good idea of where Yuuri would have fled to. He would have gone home.

In the first few desperate days, frantic and muddled and full of grief and the desperate need to make amends, Viktor had considered flying out to the little town that Yuuri has spoken about so fondly, the place where he was sure that Yuuri would have taken refuge. But in the end, he had forced himself to stay put, knowing to do so would only be to cause more damage. He had done enough to hurt Yuuri already and he refused to do any more. When Yuuri had seen Viktor’s desperate attempts to reach him he had turned and walked away. Yuuri had disappeared from the world to a place he felt safe and he clearly didn’t want Viktor to follow. To do so would only be destroying the one place left that Yuuri could heal, away from the memories of what had happened.

Instead he had tried to contact Yuuri, hoping that they could at least talk even if Yuuri didn’t want to see him. But his calls refused to go through to the man himself, his number still blocked on Yuuri’s phone. Yuuri’s friend Phichit was his next best option but he too had blocked Viktor the day the scandal had happened, after Viktor’s frantic attempts to contact Yuuri through him then. Viktor’s last resort was Yuuri’s coach, Celestino, and even then, it took Viktor several days of trying for the man to answer his calls.

When he finally had, Celestino had been angry. Furious even. Making Viktor very aware of the hurt he had caused with every word, not that Viktor needed any reminding, and telling him to leave his student alone. That Viktor had already done enough damage.

But Viktor had pleaded with him, begged to at least be allowed to pass on a message if nothing else. Had explained just how desperately sorry he was, how much he cared for Yuuri and had never wanted to hurt him, how he had never meant for any of this to happen. How he wasn’t expecting forgiveness, nor was he asking for it. How all he wanted was the chance to talk to Yuuri, to apologise. That he wouldn’t push, wouldn’t force Yuuri into anything but that he would wait however long it took for Yuuri to be ready to hear it. Even if he had to wait forever.”

Yuuri’s coach had gone quiet after that, considering his words. Then he had agreed to pass on the message when the time was right but nothing more. If Yuuri chose not to want to hear Viktor’s apology, if he decided he never wanted to hear from Viktor again, then that was his choice to make and Viktor could do nothing but agree, even as he desperately hoped that it wouldn’t be true.

After that, the emptiness took over. The offer of communication was on the table for Yuuri, whether he chose to take it or keep Viktor away for good was his choice. Without his desperate attempts for contact that had at least been keeping his mind occupied for the first few days if nothing else, Viktor just felt hollow. There were empty spaces carved into his heart and the more the days dragged past with no answer the wider they became.

Even skating, the refuge he had always used from the world before, was useless to help him now. Losing himself to the ice and the music had always used to be the best way to calm the racing of his mind but that distraction only worked with inspiration. In the days before Yuuri, he had been losing that, losing his joy for the ice and everything that made skating special for him. Then Yuuri had come into his life, bringing the thrill of a challenge and the spark of inspiration back and all that had changed.

But now Yuuri was gone and he had taken the joy of skating with him. Viktor couldn’t bring himself to step back on the ice, not while the wounds created the last time he was there were still bleeding so freshly in his heart. And even if he could, he couldn’t bring himself to see the point. Yuuri had vanished from the skating world and there had been no word as to whether he would return since. Without Yuuri, skating would be empty and cold again, lacking in inspiration and life. A routine of winning and plastering on a smile for the cameras while the emptiness clawing in his chest grew and grew with each competition that passed. He couldn’t go back, not to that.

Without skating and training to distract him, the days dragged, on and on and Viktor couldn’t bring himself to do anything to change it. He eventually answered the concerned calls and texts from his friends, Chris’ being the most worried of all, but he didn’t have the energy to do anything but assure them that he was fine and just taking a short break to decide what direction he wanted to take his career and life in next. Not really a lie, not technically anyway. Yakov had contacted him a few times as well but Viktor had pushed him away, still angry at the older man even if most of his anger was directed inwards.

Most of his time he spent thinking. About his life, about his mistakes and about Yuuri.

He had made so many mistakes, the magnitude of which he was only just beginning to realise now. So many little moments in their relationship when he should have spoken up or done something differently or a hundred other little things that could have altered their paths from the cliff they had unknowingly stepped over in the end.

One mistake, a fatal one, had been only seeing Yuuri through the lens of his own eye.  Interpreting Yuuri’s actions through his own worldview and his own mindset. Predicting what Yuuri was thinking and why Yuuri did what he did based on what he would have been thinking and what he would have done, had he been in Yuuri’s shoes. Yuuri had remained a mystery to him for so long and even if part of it was due to Yuuri’s own confusing actions, another part rested entirely on his own shoulders. He had looked at Yuuri as he would look at himself, assumed Yuuri would react and think the same way he would. And they hadn’t talked it out, didn’t understand all the intricate differences between them and each other’s thoughts the way they should have, and it was the fault of them both and both of their downfall in the end.

He wanted to talk again, properly talk this time and discuss everything they had both kept silent for years. Even if Yuuri wanted to end things for good after what had happened, they both deserved that at least. He wanted to truly see Yuuri’s side, in a way he had never been able to do before. To understand their relationship and their thoughts and just how things had become so hopelessly tangled between them.

Without being able to contact Yuuri however - for now at least - all he could do was work with the information that he had. There were still things he didn’t understand, things he couldn’t understand until he spoke to Yuuri himself, but certain other parts were finally slotting into place.

Why Yuuri had run when confronted during the scandal for one, why he had been acting so guilty and failed to defend himself, the way his breathing had sped up and he had frozen and then fled. Viktor knew he never would have recognised a panic attack back then, not with no experience with them and not even a sliver of a clue that someone who always seemed as calm and composed in public as Yuuri might experience them behind closed doors. But that didn’t stop the guilt and the realisation, with every piece of information that he read as he scoured the internet in his quest to understand, that his actions must have made it infinitely worse. The heartbroken look on Yuuri’s face and the way his eyes had filled with tears still haunted Viktor throughout the day and every night into his dreams. 

The new knowledge gained from his endless hours of research into anxiety in his quest to better understand, and to learn how to do better in the future if that future ever came, had thrown up some other potential explanations for things he had never really considered before. Why Yuuri might have sometimes appeared nervous before skating, even when Viktor was convinced there was nothing for him to worry about. Maybe why Yuuri often avoided socialisation with other skaters and was considered aloof, even though in private Viktor knew he was nothing like that at all. Hundreds of tiny little things Viktor had simply accepted but had never really understood the reasoning behind.

But he didn’t want to carelessly attribute everything to that, to make assumptions about Yuuri and his reasoning because making assumptions about each other was what had got them into the whole mess in the first place. More than anything he just wanted to talk it out with Yuuri himself because only then could either of them actually understand.

But until then he thought. And he waited. And he remembered.

After a couple of days more of Viktor’s self-imposed isolation, he was rudely interrupted by the unexpected appearance of none other than Yuri Plisetsky. Everyone else who had tried to check on him had accepted Viktor’s excuse of needing some time alone, so the sudden arrival of the teenager was a surprise to say the least. Viktor hadn’t seen the boy since he had left for the World Championships and he had no idea why Yuri had decided to drop by for an impromptu and unwelcome visit now.

He had first been alerted to his broken solitude by the furious banging on his door one afternoon and for a second, he had considered simply not answering. But after a few moments of deliberation he had caved, knowing he would probably be able to make the offending person go away faster if he faced them rather than simply waiting until the increasingly loud knocks finally ceased.

When he opened the door, it was to the sight of an angry blond teenager glaring up at him, hands shoved deep in his pockets and a scowl clear across his face. Yuri kicked the scuffed toe of his trainer against the door in irritation as Viktor pulled it open and when he glared up at Viktor it was with a look of deep annoyance.

“You look like shit.” Were the first words out of his mouth and Viktor sighed heavily and considered shutting the door again. Before he could do so however, Yuri had barged his way past Viktor and into the hall, turning to glare at the older man once he was inside.

Despite the rather rude and unnecessary introduction, Viktor knew that Yuri had a point. There were dark bags under his eyes from too many nights with too little sleep and when he had looked in the mirror that morning, his skin had started to look waxy and pale, with no colour left to his cheeks. His hair was a mess and there was stubble on his face. Combined with the ratty old clothes he was wearing, not able to be bothered to put any effort into his appearance at the moment which had to be a first, he was sure it was quite the sight to behold. It would have worried him, had he actually cared.

“Why are you here?” he asked instead of responding to the statement, not caring if the words sounded blunt or abrupt. Yuri Plisetsky wouldn’t have come to his apartment for a social call and he definitely wouldn’t have come to offer sympathy, neither of which Viktor would have wanted anyway. He was here because he wanted something.

“I’m here to make you come back to the rink,” Yuri said just as bluntly, the scowl never leaving his face. “It’s been nearly two weeks now and you need to stop moping around and start skating again.”

Viktor blinked a little in surprise, taken aback. He hadn’t been expecting the answer but then again, he hadn’t really been sure what he had been expecting. Yuri continued to stare at him, waiting for a reply and Viktor bit back a bitter laugh. If Yuri thought there was anything he could do to get Viktor back on the ice again, he was sorely mistaken.

“I’m not coming back,” he told the teenager and watched the way Yuri’s eyes narrowed at the statement. “Not now, maybe not ever. Sorry for your wasted journey.”

With that he opened the door again, gesturing to the way out. Whatever reason Yuri had for wanting him back on the ice, Viktor didn’t care. The wounds on his heart were still too raw and too fresh to even consider skating again and even if they weren’t, he currently had no motivation to return to the sport. Or do much of anything really. He just wanted to be left alone.

 “What do you mean not coming back?” Yuri spat out, looking disbelieving. “You fucked everything up and now you’re just giving up? What kind of pathetic excuse is that. You’re supposed to be choreographing my senior debut asshole, you can’t just quite skating now.”

“I’m…what?” Viktor asked, irritation morphing quickly into confusion at the words.

“My senior debut,” Yuri said again in the tone of voice of someone who thought Viktor was being incredibly dense. “You promised me you’d choreograph it years ago and you don’t get to back out of that now just because you’re an idiot who screwed everything up.”

Viktor wanted to be offended by the insults but it wasn’t like it was anything he hadn’t already been telling himself before. He had messed up, he had hurt Yuuri and he already blamed himself far more than anyone else ever would. But Yuri’s comments weren’t exactly endearing his cause to the other man.  

“Sorry Yuri but you’ll just have to ask Yakov to find you a different choreographer,” he said with a sigh, just wanting the whole thing to be over with. He was in no shape to be choreographing, he couldn’t even force himself back to the rink for the sake of his own career. There was no inspiration in him, no spark, nothing that he could use to create a new routine. Yuri would just have to do without. Anything that he created now would be depressingly unusable anyway.

Yuri opened his mouth, clearly about to let out another furious remark but he was stopped before he could begin by a sharp call of ‘Yura’ from the open front door. When Viktor turned to look, Yakov was standing there, looking at Yuri grimly.

“I told you to leave him alone,” Yakov said sharply and Yuri’s scowl deepened as he glared at the two of them.

“He’s supposed to be choreographing my senior debut, he promised.” Yuri protested, anger and frustration clear in his voice. “It’s not my fault he ruined his own life.”

The words stung unexpectedly and Viktor tensed, noticing how Yakov’s eyes flickered to him and then back to Yuri again.

“Yura. Out,” Yakov snapped and Yuri almost looked like he was about to protest before taking note of the look on Yakov’s face. Instead he hunched his shoulders and stormed out, giving Viktor a reproachful glare as he did so. Viktor and Yakov watched him go and after his retreating figure had disappeared from sight, Yakov turned back to Viktor, suddenly looking a whole lot older than he had a few seconds before.

“I’ll find him a different choreographer, make sure he doesn’t come back here again,” Yakov promised, still looking weary. “I think Lilia might be able to drill some poise and sense into him if she’s willing to take on the challenge.”

He paused, looking at Viktor with assessing eyes. It made Viktor feel like a child again and he looked away, folding his arms defensively over his chest as he did so.

“I think he was right about you needing to come back to the ice however,” Yakov told him after a long moment. When Viktor didn’t speak, he continued.

“Vitya, I’m deeply sorry about what happened. I was blinded by my own mistaken impressions and I didn’t see the truth until it was too late. The blame lies with me and I’m sorry for all the sorrow it has caused both you and him.” Yakov sounded sincere and more concerned than Viktor had ever heard him before, aside from that one fateful day. The concern only increased when he spoke again. “But if you don’t come back to skating and instead take this season off, I fear you’ll never be able to return.”

“And what if I don’t want to come back,” Viktor replied, hearing the weariness in his own voice. He wanted to be angry but instead all he could muster was exhaustion. If Yuuri never returned, there would be no point in him doing so either.

“Then do something at least,” Yakov’s voice was steady but Viktor could hear the frustration in his words and the worry behind it. “You’re wasting away locked up here and you’re refusing to let anyone help you. Please Vitya, don’t let this destroy you.”

Viktor looked at him for a long moment, then turned to the door, gesturing pointedly at the way out.

“Goodbye Yakov,” he told his coach and watched as the frown on Yakov’s face deepened. Instead of arguing however, his coach simply made his way out of the door, turning back only when he was across the threshold to look at Viktor again.

“If you need me, you know how to get in touch,” he said, none of the frustration left in his tone. Instead it was replaced by simply sadness. For a long moment he looked at Viktor, waiting, but finally he turned away, shoulders hunched and head bowed. Viktor watched him leave then shut the door, cutting off the outside chill.

At some point he knew, he would be ready to face Yakov again. To face the world again. To do anything other than mourn for what had happened and what had been lost. But for now, he couldn’t bring himself to move on. He didn’t know what to do, where he could possibly go from where he was. Everything was too much, too soon and still so raw.

How he wished he could go back and change the past.

It took Viktor almost a month to bring himself to watch Yuuri’s performance at the World Championships.

He knew what the result had been, had seen Yuuri’s name listed so far down in the score table, even though it was above his own, and every time he thought about it, the sickening sense of guilt rose up and consumed him again. But he hadn’t actually been able to bring himself to watch the disastrous performance, to see first-hand what his own mistakes and the cruelty of circumstance had wrought.

Eventually though, he forced himself to do it. He needed to know, needed to see. It felt like another kind of punishment piled on top of the rest but one that he felt that he deserved.

It was worse than he had imagined.

Impossible as it seemed, somehow seeing the reality even though he knew what was coming hurt far more than he had ever expected. Watching Yuuri, Yuuri whose skating was always so full of life and passion and emotion, stumbling his way through a routine, robotic and lifeless. Everything that had made his skating special, everything that made it so beautiful to watch, all gone. Objectively, Viktor knew by their scores his must have looked even worse but he deserved the loss. Yuuri didn’t.

The image of Yuuri exiting the ice with his shoulders slumped and defeated burned itself into Viktor’s mind. It was no wonder Yuuri had walked away, no wonder he hadn’t shown himself since. After everything that had happened to him, that final skate would have been the last nail in the coffin, pushing him to run from the world and back into a place he felt safe. There was no word yet as to whether he was intending to return to skating and as the days crept on, Viktor began to fear more and more that there never would be.

If Yuuri didn’t return to skating, he knew he couldn’t either. Not after what had happened. There was no inspiration in him to choreograph, to create, to love skating the way he once had before. The cracks in his mask were too wide now, he wouldn’t be able to hide behind a false smile as the cameras flashed and the crowd cheered or booed. Any medal would feel like a noose choking the life from him and every routine would turn him into nothing but a puppet, dancing on a string to someone else’s tune when he was unable to come up with his own. Lifeless and hollow.

Without Yuuri there, skating would feel as meaningless as it had once begun to before. And that would kill him slowly, with every day that passed until he was nothing but an empty shell. If Yuuri really, truly decided to never come back, Viktor knew he would finally have to retire.

Retirement had been coming for years now and for years, he had been ignoring it. Pretending the ache in his joints didn’t grow with every passing day and every jump he landed, pretending he didn’t obsessively check in the mirror every morning to see if his hair had thinned any more overnight. Pretending to the world that he was Viktor Nikiforov, the Living Legend and that he could keep skating forever. He had never spoken about his looming retirement publicly, even as he had known at some point it would have to come to pass.

But in his own mind, even when he had thought about retired life, he had always imagined a life somehow still with Yuuri in it. They had been so happy, so close, and he had been sure they would continue to be able to see each other in some form or another. He had never really considered a retired life without Yuuri in it until it suddenly became a terrifying possibility. If Yuuri chose not to come back to skating and continued to refuse contact with him, they might never see each other again and that would hurt more than he could imagine. He would always feel incomplete, like an intrinsic part of himself was suddenly gone forever, with the space left behind aching like a phantom limb that would never go away.

Part of him sometimes wondered, would have been better if he and Yuuri had never met at all?

They had both suffered so much hurt over the years, had pulled and pushed and stepped back in all the wrong moments and said all the wrong things until it had finally fallen apart. Yuuri had still brought joy and inspiration back into his skating and everything Viktor had been telling himself for years but the absence of Yuuri now surely hurt far more than the empty ache that would have come with never having him in the first place.

But even as those thoughts crossed his mind, Viktor could still never bring himself to truly regret what he and Yuuri had shared. He could regret his mistakes, regret everything that had gone wrong between them and the fault on both sides and especially regret how it had finally come to an end. But he could never regret that it had happened.

They had been so happy. Maybe not in the beginning when everything was still so confusing between them and maybe not all the time but there were still memories that Viktor treasured in his heart of how completely and truly happy he had been. And he could see in Yuuri’s eyes how happy Yuuri had been too. There had been bad but there had also been good, good that couldn’t be erased even in Viktor’s darkest thoughts and moments. They had fit so well together, had talked and laughed and lived and kept coming back to each other over and over again and Viktor could regret how it ended, could regret how it started, but he couldn’t ever wish that it had never happened at all. 

The memory of how defeated Yuuri had looked at the end was still painfully bright in his mind’s eye so instead Viktor pulled out his phone, opening up his camera roll and flicking quickly to a picture he had treasured in the months since it had been taken. He had sent a copy to the subject of the photograph but he still kept the original on his phone, the only souvenir of a time together whose memories he still treasured.

The image of Yuuri glowed bright on the screen, looking away into the distance as he admired Moscow with Makkachin panting happily by his feet. Yuuri’s cheeks were pink from the cold and there was a slight smile dancing across his lips as he gazed out, looking perfectly at peace. Happy, in the place where Viktor had truly fallen in love with him all over again.

They had brought so much to each other’s lives, had made so many memories together. If he could, Viktor would do anything to go back and change the mistakes he had made. Would give anything to be allowed to alter the way that it had all ended. But there was one thing he was sure of.

He wouldn’t go back and change being with Yuuri for the world.

It was Makkachin who brought Viktor back to the ice again.

For the first couple of months after the disaster of the World Championships, he avoided his old training rink like the plague. There were ghosts out on the ice and not ones he felt ready to face. Instead he had existed, not really living but drifting through his life, purposeless and lost. Endless weeks and weeks filled with nothingness, taking care of Makkachin better than he took care of himself. Without skating he had nothing to distract himself with, nothing to focus on.

It was a very normal day when it happened. Early in the morning, he forced himself to get up and clip on Makkachin’s leash and collar for his morning walk as he had every day for months. After disguising himself as best he could he ventured out of his apartment, intending to stick to the quiet streets and backroads. Makkachin however, had a different plan in mind.

Instead of following Viktor’s lead, he tugged them both in a different direction, pulling them through the more populated streets. Not able to argue with his beloved pet, Viktor followed, keeping his head down as he did so to make sure he wasn’t recognised. There was nothing he wanted less than to deal with press or fans that day.

As they walked, he didn’t pay much attention to the route they were taking. Makkachin knew the streets of St Petersburg as well as he did after so many years of walking them and he was content to follow wherever Makkachin wanted to go. It was only when they arrived outside a familiar building, a walking route he had taken a thousand times before but avoided for months now, that he stopped.

They were outside of his home rink, the familiar imposing building looming above him. For a few seconds, Viktor simply stopped and stared, the sight feeling strangely unfamiliar after so much time away. Even though in the grand scheme of things he knew it wasn’t that long at all, it was by far the longest he had ever spent away from the rink since the day he had first arrived.

The rink and the ice were home to him, in a way no apartment ever could be. No matter how many ghosts were hiding in the walls or gliding out on the ice, that could never change. He had been avoiding it for so long but now that he was there, he could do nothing but stare.

So much had changed since he first stepped through those grand front doors, a slender teenager with lofty ambitions and the desperate desire to make his dreams a reality. He had devoted himself to the ice and nothing else, had lived and breathed skating for so many years until there was nothing but the sound of the blades in his ears and the feeling of wind whipping through his hair as he jumped. He had sold his soul to the ice back then and it had shaped every part of his life from that moment on.

So much had changed since then and now, it had been so long since he had last been on a rink. A form of punishment that he felt like he deserved and a way of avoiding what he hadn’t been sure he could face. But for months he had been living emptiness and there was only so much of nothingness that he could take, the constant drag of the hours slowly but surely driving him mad. 

Ever since he had been a child he had needed a focus, needed a goal. He had never done well with inactivity, not from the moment he had been born.

Even when he gently pulled Makkachin away, not wanting to face the awful sympathy and staring that he knew would be waiting if he entered the building full of people he knew, it was all that he could think about. He knew that if Yuuri retired it would spell the end for him too, unable to keep skating when all inspiration and love of the sport was gone, but he hadn’t thought what he would do in its place. What he would use to fill his time and his life when the thing he had been neglecting life and love for for so many years was finally behind him for good.

Skating had been everything to him once and he knew deep in his heart that he needed to step back onto the ice again. For closure, for a new beginning, he didn’t know. But he had been avoiding the rink for a long time and it was time to face the ice and everything that came with it head on. Maybe then he’d be able to figure out just what the hell he was supposed to do.

Instead of going straight away he waited for the evening, when he knew there would be no-one in the building but himself. Technically he was still one of Yakov’s skaters and had use of all the facilities, even if he hadn’t been active for months. Yakov had made it clear that he could come back at any time and he used that to his advantage, gaining access to the building that was like a second home to him, well after hours when there was no-one around to see or judge, to whisper or to stare.

Putting on his skates felt like slipping back into a familiar skin, easier than breathing. Even walking out into the deserted ice rink felt like coming home, the sharp scent of the ice and the coolness of the air hitting him instantly as he forced himself to relax. It was only when he moved to step out onto the ice that the memories hit, layers upon layers of them built up over so many years.

Thousands of screaming crowds, each superimposed over each other, each one fading into the next as he passed through so many years. The memories of each time he had stepped onto a rink, full of anticipation or excitement or determination or finally, devastation. All blurring into one, a lifetime of memories flickering by in a single second the moment his skates touched the ice.

The sound of his blades seemed very loud in the silence as he skated out onto the rink. It echoed into the empty spaces of the room, bouncing back magnified, a repeated noise that made it seem almost like there was someone there with him.

Viktor could see it out of the corner of his eye too, his shadow dancing over the walls, the flicker of the ghost of a skater who wasn’t real but was present all the same. If he imagined hard enough, he could almost see the flick of dark hair, the flash of brown eyes caught in the half-light, the familiar face who had haunted him all his life.

Yuuri, who’s life had been tied to his own ever since they were children, before Viktor even knew who he was. The ghost of a mistake Viktor couldn’t remember but would never be able to forget. Yuuri, always in his shadow until he suddenly wasn’t anymore. A rival and a competitor, an inspiration and then a lover and after that so much more. As real as Viktor himself but now vanished from the world, haunting Viktor in only memories while the man himself was an ocean away, barred from Viktor by Viktor’s own mistakes.

What had happened between them was not easily forgotten, nor forgiven. Maybe it never would be. Viktor had tried again and again but his number was still blocked in Yuuri’s phone. Yuuri was still refusing contact, as was his right after the hurt Viktor had caused. Viktor didn’t know if it was temporary or if it was forever but he knew that he finally had to face the ghosts of the past, to choose a future because he had spent months gradually fading away and it was time to do something again.  To find a way to live even after he had destroyed the life he had dreamed of for so long.

There was still hope in him, that Yuuri would return. To the ice. To him. Viktor would do everything in his power to seek forgiveness, to make up for what had happened, as unintentional as the hurt he had caused had been. Before everything that had happened had ripped them apart, they had been so good together, so happy.

The memories of that final night together still remained, untarnished by the pain that had come so soon after. How brightly Yuuri had laughed, how happily he had smiled, the way he kissed Viktor and loved him like he never wanted to let go. They had managed to build something good between them despite everything, something still with flaws to be sure but something that had the potential to become something great. That might still become something great, if that was what Yuuri wanted. If he chose to allow Viktor another chance.

But if he didn’t, if he decided the hurt was too great and the fault lines were too deep to ever be fixed, Viktor knew he finally needed to find a way to move on. He would wait however long it took to apologise to Yuuri, would do anything in his power to fix the hurt that he had caused. But after months of drifting through nothingness, of feeling nothing but emptiness and heartache, he also knew it was time to start to try and mend himself the way he wanted to mend the damage he had done.

It was easier to think out on the ice, with the ghost of Yuuri by his side. Every move was familiar to him, his body responding without even the need to think about it, sliding effortlessly into the movements that now came more naturally than walking. Being trapped in his apartment, trapped in his own head, might have been his own choice but being back on the ice felt comforting in a way he hadn’t realised it would be until he was there again.

His thoughts flowed with his movements and he found his body moving on automatically, running through snippets of his old routines, flashes of songs dancing through the air as he glided and spun. A lifetime of skating all condensed into one night on an empty rink with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company.

Skating was his life, he couldn’t deny that. It was in his blood, in his soul, a part of him right down to the marrow of his bones. It always had been. But he had made the right choice before, when he had decided that if Yuuri chose not to return to skating then there would be nothing for him to go back for. He wouldn’t be able to leave the ice, not for good, but his years of competitive skating were close to being done, regardless of what Yuuri chose to do. If Yuuri came back he might be able to push for another season, two if he was lucky but some day it had to end. Better now, if there was nothing left to skate for and no drive left other than competing again on an empty heart, than letting it suck the last of the life out of him.

There were plenty of things he could do instead, although none of them held the appeal that competing once had. It was why he had been putting off thoughts of his retirement for so long, because nothing else seemed like it could possibly satisfy him the way skating did. Commentating, choreographing, coaching, they were all options spread out on the table before him. He wasn’t the living legend for nothing and he’d never be short of opportunities. But none of them called to him, thrilled him the way he wished they would.

Regardless however, he knew he would have to choose one if his retirement did come to pass. He needed a direction, needed a goal in his life. He couldn’t waste his years away pining and mourning, calling a blocked number and waiting for a reply that he had now accepted might never come. It wouldn’t be the same, it could never be the same but it would be something at least.

As he thought, he skated, allowing his subconscious to guide his movements and falling back into familiar patterns without even being consciously aware that he was doing so. It was only as he threw himself into a quad flip, blades hitting the ice with a sharp snick as he landed, that he realised just what routine he had begun to skate. The realisation almost made him laugh because of course. Of course while thinking about Yuuri, he would somehow end up here.

It was his own routine, his junior routine that had broken a world record and secured him a place in skating history. The routine he had once watched Yuuri skate in a deserted rink, so full of love that Viktor could barely breath, pushing him to take the first step towards Yuuri and begin a series of events that would fall like dominos and eventually lead him here. A routine based on the theme of love. Created when he had been young and naïve and wishing one day to know what love felt like and recreated now when he knew and finally understood just how complicated it could be and yet still so beautiful and precious all the same.

It was watching Yuuri back then that had caused him to think he had fallen in love, even if he knew now that real love of Yuuri as he truly was wouldn’t come until much later. And it was watching Yuuri back then that had made him so sure that there was a part of Yuuri that must feel something other than hate for him too, buried deep as it might be.

Now he understood what he hadn’t back then. What he never could have known at the time because he didn’t have the full story and what it had taken him a long time to realise even after he did. Yuuri had been able to skate the routine so full of love because he had once adored Viktor. Had once, in his own words, worshiped him. It had been special to Yuuri in a way Viktor never understood and without the context he had taken a meaning from it without ever really understanding the true significance. So much of their relationship had been built on half understood facts and missed meanings and it was one of the reasons he desperately hoped that Yuuri would eventually want to talk with him, to clear up all the mistakes and misunderstandings that had plagued them for so long.

There was another part to his revelation that had come with the forced time and reflection he was now presented with, a part that he could only mourn because the opportunity to act on it was already long gone. He had assumed Yuuri didn’t love him, that Yuuri knew about his feelings and was sending a message through his skating the way Viktor had done for so many years. That he was answering because if he could speak the language of skating he could surely understand it and what other possible reason could he have for using the same language Viktor had been calling out to him in for years, if not to speak back.

But now he knew just how wrong his assumptions about Yuuri could be. He still wasn’t sure, didn’t know how Yuuri could possibly try to speak to him through nothing but skating and yet miss Viktor doing the same thing. But he had been able to see the love in Yuuri’s eyes during their last night before he had ruined it all. Everything needed for a relationship had somehow naturally fallen into place between them and the only thing missing had been the confirmation that his feelings were returned, at least to some degree.

The beginnings of doubt had already begun to trickle in even before it had all come crashing down around him, that maybe he had been wrong about Yuuri’s message before and maybe mutual love could exist between them, not just comfort and affection. Now that doubt had grown in the months of thinking and reflection until he was almost sure of it. A realisation that had come far too late.

They might have had the potential for a future once. Viktor had been ready to put his heart on the line before and he still was, hoping that Yuuri would be willing to accept it. But even if Yuuri had loved him back then, there was no guarantee he did now after what had happened. That the future Viktor had once dreamed of hadn’t been destroyed forever by his own hand.

So many mistakes, over so many years.

It was late at night when Viktor finally finished skating, too lost in his head to notice the passing of time. He had been avoiding the rink for so long but he was glad he had returned. There had been a lot to think about and clearing his head on the ice had allowed him to do so in a way his misery had prevented him from doing before.

It had been months since the scandal that had ruined everything and the memories and the thoughts of it still hurt. He still wanted to apologise, to fix things, with a desperate ache. But he also knew that Yuuri would contact him when he was ready to hear Viktor’s apology, if he ever was. All of Viktor’s cards were on the table and it was Yuuri’s move now. Until he made it and regardless of what his choice might be, Viktor couldn’t keep living with nothing but emptiness forever.

 ***

***

The next morning, he finally contacted Yakov again. His coach was ecstatic to hear from him finally but his voice became more sombre as Viktor explained his decision. Even so, Yakov agreed to help him organise and Viktor was grateful for that.

He wouldn’t give up on the idea of skating another season just yet, not until he was absolutely sure that Yuuri wasn’t coming back. If he was, Viktor would have to skate again, couldn’t lose the opportunity to see Yuuri one last time. For closure, even if Yuuri chose to cut Viktor out of his life for good. But he needed to be prepared in case Yuuri chose to stay hidden as he had for months now, and Viktor’s retirement really did come to pass.

Yakov helped put him in touch with the right people, making calls and talking business to explore his options for the future outside of competing. He didn’t want to commit to anything just yet but he began to search out his options, focusing on piecing his life back together step by step to keep his mind away from the pit he had fallen into and only just begun able to pull himself out of.   

At the same time he forced himself to get back into a proper routine, something to give him focus while his future was still so unsure. For so long, skating had been his life so he fell back on the familiar lifestyle for the time being. Getting up early to run with Makkachin, keeping fit and training as often as he could. Even skating at the rink, although now he only went during the hours he knew it would be deserted, still not ready to face the pitying stares of his old rink-mates. It gave him a sense of direction, something he sorely needed even if he knew if wasn’t sustainable forever.

That routine continued as summer began to draw to a close, the new season looming closer and closer with each passing day. Soon, Viktor knew, he would either have to commit to skating in the next season and begin to choreograph new routines or he would have to announce that he wouldn’t be returning. But he put the decision off, waiting and wondering and hoping as the heat began to fade and summer faded with it.

It was an ordinary day when it happened. He had just come back from a run, pushing sweaty hair away from his face and quickly checking his phone before he planned to soothe the tension out of his muscles in the shower. But one glance at the screen and he froze, the notification from the news app glowing brightly and suddenly all he could see as the rest of the room faded away around him.

An official announcement from Yuuri’s coach, stating that his student would be returning to Detroit for training and was intending to compete in the upcoming Grand Prix Series. Yuuri had finally left Japan. Yuuri was returning to skating again.

It felt strange, to begin to prepare for a new season again. For months, Viktor had been becoming more and more convinced that he never would, that Yuuri would retire and he would follow. That he would begin to build his life anew, away from competing and try to convince himself that it would be enough.

With the knowledge that Yuuri was returning however, Viktor knew that he had to skate again, even if it was for the last time. He couldn’t barge into Yuuri’s home, couldn’t track him down and force his company on Yuuri no matter how much he wanted to seek him out and apologise. His number was still blocked in Yuuri’s phone and his offer of contact still hadn’t been returned. But competitions were neutral ground, a place where they could both be without him pushing himself onto Yuuri if Yuuri wanted to stay away. There he could see Yuuri again, to reach out to him in person with Yuuri having the option to either accept or reject that offer of talking and then Viktor could finally have some form of closure, one way or another.

It was a closure he desperately needed.

The months he had been waiting had been spent in misery because he still didn’t know. There had been no word from Yuuri and Viktor had no idea whether they might still have a chance or if he had ruined things for good and no amount of apologies would ever fix it. It meant he couldn’t fully heal, trapped in a limbo, waiting and wondering.

There was a part of him that still hoped. Hope was woven so deeply into his bones, never truly extinguished despite everything. He hoped that apologies could be said, amends could be made and that they could try again and do better this time, avoiding repeating the mistakes of the past.

He hoped and that hope wove itself into his skating, his theme, the routine he was creating to call out to Yuuri. There might have been no word from Yuuri and with each passing day with no contact he began to fear there might never be. But he would never forgive himself if he didn’t try one last time.

He would skate his love, his longing, his wish for Yuuri to return, show Yuuri that Viktor’s heart was still open and on the table if he wanted to try again. With months of silence and no indication that Yuuri was willing to listen to Viktor speak, it was the only way of calling out to Yuuri that Viktor had left.

Afterwards, he would reach out to Yuuri again, ask to talk even though he knew that might be rejected. He would skate first to show his love because Yuuri might refuse to hear his words as he had been doing for months now but if he did, at least Viktor would know that he had tried. That would give him at least some kind of closure, in a way the months of silence never could.

The tiny flame of hope burning within him allowed him to believe that they might still have a chance. But the more rational part of him realised that the longer Yuuri refused his offer of contact, the more likely it was that he would never accept.

If he didn’t, or if he did and chose to end things between them, Viktor knew what he had to do.

For so long he had been clinging to Yuuri, clinging to their relationship, to every little scrap that he had been able to scavenge and hoard away. He had been willing to accept so much less than what he wanted, to be whatever Yuuri wanted him to be because what they had was surely better than nothing? Having Yuuri for nights and moments had to be better than not having Yuuri at all, even if he wanted him forever.

But now, after months of finally examining his own heart and everything that they had once been, he knew that he had been wrong. It had been killing him slowly, every moment with Yuuri when he tried to force himself to pretend he could go on the way they had been, close but still so far apart. He had been ready to put his heart back on the line before, to ask Yuuri if they had the chance for more, for a real relationship the way they were so close to already, but he had also been willing to continue as they were, if that was all Yuuri wanted.

Now, he couldn’t do that anymore. He couldn’t spend his whole life endlessly loving someone if he was sure that love was never going to be returned.

The hurt and the distance had finally forced him to take a step back, to look at things in perspective and he knew that if Yuuri heard his offer to try again and chose not to accept, then Viktor would have to move on. He didn’t know how, couldn’t imagine a life without Yuuri in it, but somehow he would have to.

Not only that but he knew, even if Yuuri accepted his apologies but wanted to return to the way they had once been, casual and easy when Viktor’s heart cried out for more, he would have to finally do what he had been failing to do for years and refuse. He would still do everything in his power to make amends for the hurt that he had caused but he couldn’t return to their relationship as it had once been, so much less than he truly wanted. Couldn’t keep hurting himself over and over again by trying to pretend he was content with that while in his heart he would always desire so much more.

He would reach out to Yuuri one more time in the hope that they still had the chance for a future. But if the end came, finally he would make himself ready to accept it.

If any of his rink mates noticed a difference in his mindset or a difference in his skating, they didn’t mention it. There had been enough whispers when he had finally returned to the rink, looks of pity and looks of sympathy that he tried his best to ignore. The gossip was kept hushed, kept away from him, but it still reached his ears anyway, no matter how much anyone tried to hide it. About what a shame it was, what had happened. About how sorry they felt, for Viktor and Yuuri both. About how devastated Yuuri Katsuki had been to watch Viktor fail, about the tears in his eyes and the loss on his face and how maybe it was possible that he had actually been in love after all.

Viktor ignored it all, focusing on nothing but his skating. This was his last attempt, the last hand outstretched after reaching for Yuuri for so long and hoping that someday he would reach back. It had to be perfect, the best he had ever created. The prelude to the main act, when he would pour his soul out onto the ice for Yuuri to see before he asked to speak with him and offered Yuuri his heart one last time.

He took solace in the few of his rink mates that didn’t feel the need to look at him like an object to be pitied. Georgi, who was far too caught up in his own heartbreak to give Viktor suffocating sympathy over his. Mila, so much older and more mature now than she had once been before and swiftly and surreptitiously kicking anyone who tried to mention what had happened around him.

Even Yuri in a strange way, the person who was the angriest at Viktor of them all. There was no pity there whatsoever. By the time he had returned, Yuri’s routines were already being choreographed by Lilia and while he had offered input and advice, Yuri had swiftly told him to fuck off, in those exact words. Viktor knew the teenager was still angry at him, both for going back on a promise despite the circumstances in which Viktor had done it and, deeper down, for ruining the performance of a skater Yuri still refused to admit he admired but did all the same.

Yuri had been hostile towards him ever since he had returned and it was oddly refreshing amidst the endless sympathy. The only time he ever really spoke to Viktor was to criticise his skating, something he was doing more and more as the season drew near.

“You’re still skating like shit,’ he pointed out one day after Viktor had finished running through his routine, frustrated at the result. There was still something intrinsically missing from it, it was a call for Yuuri and without the other man there, the love and longing it should have been filled with was absent, leaving the whole thing feeling robotic and lifeless.

“You’d better get better before the Grand Prix,” Yuri added, looking irritated from where he was watching from the side-lines, recovering from a run through of his own routine. “I want to crush you when you’re at your best. If you skate as pathetically as you’re doing right now it won’t even be a challenge.”

“Then you’ll just have deal with an easy win,” Viktor shrugged, ignoring the jabs. Yuri didn’t seem content with that answer and he scowled, kicking his skate against the ice and sending up a shower of ice chips where it hit.

“I don’t want an easy win, I want to show the world I’m better than you. Better than you both,” he snapped. “But I can’t do that when you’re skating like crap. Just go and fix things with him instead of moping around here skating about ‘hope’ or some bullshit.”

The sudden introduction of Yuuri into the topic had Viktor tensing but he held himself back, taking a deep breath before answering. Yuri was brash and arrogant and young, someone who still believed he could never make a mistake. He wouldn’t be able to understand, not really.

“Yuuri doesn’t want to see me right now,” he explained, almost as much to himself as to Yuri. As the days passed with no reply, the desire to simply track Yuuri down only grew but he knew that he had to hold himself back. Showing up uninvited to Yuuri’s home after Yuuri had walked away from him and refused his calls would do far more damage than good. “I can’t hunt him down and make him listen to me apologise. After everything I’ve done to hurt him, I’m not going to do that too.”

“So what, you’re just going to keep dramatically declaring your love for him on the ice like you’ve been doing for years,” Yuri said scathingly, looking unimpressed. “And wait around forever like a moron and hope someday that he forgives you.”

“No.”

Viktor’s voice was quieter this time, more contemplative and much more sad. It was the culmination of everything he had been thinking about and deciding in the months since he had finally started to pick himself back up again.

“This is the last time. I’m going to try one more time and if he says no…”

Viktor trailed off, trying to finally put into words the decision that had been so hard to make. He still loved Yuuri. He didn’t think that he would ever really stop loving Yuuri. And he still missed Yuuri, in the empty spaces in his apartment and the empty spaces in his heart and everything that he was. He would show his feelings and reach out to Yuuri one last time, through skating and then through words. But if Yuuri turned him down, he couldn’t waste his whole life chasing and pining after someone who would never love him back. That was what he knew now, in a way he had never been able to accept before.

“I’ll let him go,” he said and watched as Yuri’s eyebrows furrowed, a look of confusion replacing the frustration on his face. “I’ll have to learn how to let him go.”

The run up to the Grand Prix series that year felt strange in a way it had never felt before.

Yuuri was still almost completely absent from the world, even though he was back in Detroit training to skate again. There had been nothing online from him, not even a glimpse from Phichit Chulanont’s various social media accounts, a stark contrast to all the photographs and videos that had been posted in seasons before. Yuuri was clearly avoiding the spotlight and Viktor couldn’t blame him. What had happened to him had been a massive blow to take and giving himself a chance to recover away from the public eye was only to be expected.

Viktor’s own decision to skate again had been met with plenty of reactions from the skating world, both positive and negative alike. Mainly he ignored them, focusing solely on skating. The life and love might still be absent from his routine but technically he was almost perfect, enough that if he kept it up he could work his way through to the final.

Getting through to the final was crucial. As medallists of the last year’s Grand Prix, he and Yuuri shared none of the qualifying competitions together. The only time he would see the other man would be at the final, provided they both made it through. With Yuuri still not contacting him, it would be his only chance to see him again.

As the months ticked on and the season finally began, Viktor watched the other competitions closely. His own flew by in a blur of colour and sound but he was barely able to register them or care much about the results, provided his own scores were high enough to put him into the final. He could tell Yakov was worried about him, could see the frown lines growing on his face every time their eyes met but he ignored it. There was nothing he could do about it after all.

Standing on the podium and looking out at the crowds felt eerily similar to a time long past, when every one of his smiles had been faked and nothing felt exciting anymore. Everything seemed hollow and Viktor could hardly stand it.

While his own competitions passed by almost unnoticed, he remembered every detail of Yuuri’s. First Yuuri had been in the Cup of China where he had taken silver under his friend Phichit. Then he had moved on to the Rostelecom Cup, falling much lower on the scoreboard there. His skating was still beautiful but there was something missing, some intrinsic element that had made it so special before that it now lacked. Even the commentators commented on it but Yuuri himself was never available to speak about how he was feeling about the progress of the series. Everywhere he went, he dodged reporters with a practiced ease, refusing to answer most questions on the few occasions that he was cornered.

Viktor watched him and his heart ached at what they had both become. Once, they had been top of the world, pushing each other to do better and riding the thrill of winning. Now they both just looked tired, going through the motions but with no real fire left behind either of their eyes.

There was still no contact from Yuuri, no sign he was interested in hearing from Viktor again or listening to his apology. Viktor trusted Yuuri’s coach’s word, trusted that Yuuri had gotten his message by now. Even if he hadn’t, the amount of times Viktor had tried to get through to him and his number had remained blocked spoke for themselves. Yuuri would know by now Viktor wanted to speak to him, wanted to apologise but Yuuri clearly didn’t want to hear it. Not yet, maybe never.

The last flame of hope burning in his chest refused to die until he had at least tried one more time and heard Yuuri say the words that it was over. But the closer the final came with nothing to hold on to and no word from the other man, the dimmer it became. So many months of silence spoke for themselves and mentally Viktor prepared himself, knowing he had to be ready to accept it if or when it came.

Maybe they had once had the chance for a future. And maybe he still wanted that future now, was willing to work for it and hope for it and put his heart back on the line for it. But the longer the silence stretched, the more it became clear to him that he had to prepare for the fact that it was now unlikely that Yuuri still wanted the same.

At the final, he kept his distance, knowing that Yuuri was there but not willing to approach him just yet. The last time they had had an emotional confrontation before Yuuri skated, Viktor had ruined Yuuri’s performance and lost him the medal. He wasn’t willing to risk anything like that again. If Yuuri didn’t reach out to him he wouldn’t force himself on Yuuri, wouldn’t try speaking with him until he was sure his confession and need for closure wouldn’t negatively affect Yuuri’s performance the way Viktor had once caused before.

Instead he would wait until the final performance. Would skate all his love and sorrow and hope in his routine to confess one last time because he wasn’t sure if Yuuri would allow him to speak it but he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t at least try. Then, after the competition was over and Yuuri’s skating was done, he would ask to Yuuri to speak to him. Maybe Yuuri would allow him to talk, maybe the months of no contact meant that Yuuri wouldn’t but either way, it would finally be done.

As well as staying away from Yuuri on the first day, he also stayed away from the public, avoiding fans and the press unless it was entirely necessary. He avoided the other skaters too but after the short programs were done, Chris finally barged into his hotel room with a bottle of wine, demanding that Viktor finally talk to him rather than shutting himself away like a recluse.

When he looked at his friend and Chris’ honest concern for him, Viktor felt guilt rising within him. He had told Chris parts of what had been happening during the nine months they had been apart but he had turned down Chris’ offer to come to Switzerland over the summer, not wanting to become a burden to someone with the problems he needed to work out on his own. It was true that he had been shutting himself away though, even from his friend.

Chris waved his apology away, pouring a glass for them both and sitting down, waiting for Viktor to finally speak. Eventually, Viktor did. After months of keeping things to himself it was hard to finally say them out loud but at the same time each word spoken made him feel a little lighter.

Chris listened to it all, everything he had been feeling in the months apart and all his plans for the future. He nodded and hummed in all the right places, putting the bottle away half-finished midway through to make sure the indulgence wouldn’t affect their skating the next day.

“So you still want to be with him, if he wants to be in a real relationship this time?” Chris clarified after Viktor was finally done and Viktor nodded.

“More than anything.” he agreed. Yuuri and he might have messed everything up but they had also been so good together once, had once been happy together and there were so many good memories even with the bad. Even now Viktor longed for that again, to use the potential they had once had to build a relationship that would be stronger this time and not riddled with the mistakes of the past. He still loved Yuuri and if Yuuri loved him and was willing to try again, being with Yuuri for good was all he wanted in the world.

“I hope you get the happy ending that you deserve,” Chris told him, and his voice was strangely sad.  “But I am glad that you’ve decided to try and let go if that doesn’t happen.”

For years, Chris had been telling him to move on and so Viktor wasn’t surprised by the words. What he was surprised about however, was Chris’ easy acceptance of his plan to try one more time. Chris just laughed lightly when Viktor told him so.

“I’ve been watching you two for years,” Chris told him and there was nothing but honesty in his voice. “I might not have thought it in the beginning but now I really do think you two have the potential to be good together. You were so happy around him and I could see you made him happy too. I think for the sake of that, it’s worth asking to try one more time. Even if he turns you down, you at least get closure.”

Viktor nodded, deeply grateful that he had someone like Chris in his life. Chris had been his friend for so long and seen him through so much. Viktor could never thank him enough for that.

“We should get to bed,” Chris added, glancing down at his phone and the time displayed on the screen there. “It’s late and no matter how much I love you Viktor, I’m still going to try and beat you tomorrow.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Viktor replied, feeling himself smile. Some things never changed and some things he would never want to and that was one of them. “Good luck.”

“You too,” Chris replied, his tone carrying much more meaning than his words implied and Viktor knew that he was talking about far more than just the competition.

The next day, it was finally time.

Viktor hadn’t gone to the rink in the morning, had only showed his face when it was his turn to skate. Waiting until the announcer called his name before finally stepping out into the arena and under the eyes of the world. Somewhere, he knew, Yuuri would be watching. He was due to skate after Viktor and Viktor knew he would be near the rink somewhere, making preparations for his own final performance.

After nine months of complete silence, he couldn’t bring himself to search for Yuuri in the crowds watching him. Couldn’t bear to see the look on Yuuri’s face because he had no idea what to expect and he was about to confess his feelings in the way he knew best. If he looked up and saw Yuuri looking at him with disgust or anger or, worst of all, complete indifference, he wasn’t sure he would have the strength to do what he needed to do. Instead he kept his head down, gliding out into the centre of the ice and taking a deep breath before taking up his starting position.

There was so much he wanted to say to Yuuri, so many emotions tangled inside him at the thought of the other man. Far more than he would ever be able to properly express. But skating had always been the words he knew best and emotions were easy to display out in the ice more than anywhere else. Pouring his heart into the music and the movements, showing his love as he felt it in his heart.

There were a few long seconds of silence as he stood in the centre of the rink, waiting. Then finally the music began, ringing out across the stadium as a hushed silence fell over the crowd. The song soared, a male voice crying out into the emptiness, filled with longing and sadness. A plea for his love to stay close to him. An aria echoing through the room and carrying with it everything Viktor had been feeling and everything he was trying to stay.

He had commissioned the music specially, entwined it with his routine to create the confession and the plea that was unique to him and Yuuri. With every step he poured his love into his skating, his longing for Yuuri to return, his regret over what had happened and the sorrow that had haunted him ever since. Every movement of his body was a call to the person that still held his heart even after everything, begging him not to leave. Begging Yuuri to give them another chance, to stay close and not let the last hurt be the one that tore them apart for good.

It was a desperate call, born from months and months of silence and filled with the knowledge that he might be calling into nothingness. Not knowing if Yuuri wanted to hear it, not knowing if he would respond and what that response might be. Fearful that it might be the last time he could ever express his love for Yuuri before he was forced to learn how to put it aside forever. Only sustained by the small hope still burning within him that there was still a chance, the flame in Viktor’s heart that nothing had ever quite been able to fully extinguish.  

The music soared and he jumped and span across the ice, the routine finally feeling complete. Filled with everything that he felt at last, driven on by the knowledge that Yuuri was out there somewhere and even if he wouldn’t let Viktor speak with words, Viktor could still call out to him like this one final time.

Eventually he brought the routine to a close, heart still full of love and sorrow in equal measure. Everything he had he had poured into his skating, hoping that Yuuri would see and understand the depth of his emotion. He still needed to talk to Yuuri, to finally say it in words the way he had already said it through everything else but if he never got that chance, if Yuuri denied him their chance to talk the way he had been avoiding contact for months, at least Viktor would know that he had tried. All his emotions were out in the open now, laid bare on the ice for all to see.

Finally, he dropped his ending position, hands coming to rest by his sides before skating back to the side of the rink. As he stepped off the ice, he allowed himself a quick glance around, taking in the briefest flash of familiar dark hair and wide brown eyes from the corner of his eye.

Yuuri was standing staring at him, unmoving and unreadable and Viktor forced himself to look away. Yuuri was still due to skate, Viktor might have poured his love out onto the ice but words would have to wait.

Instead of looking again he forced himself to look away, to keep his eyes averted as he made his way over to the kiss and cry to await his scores. When the numbers were called out he felt a brief flash of surprise but it quickly died down. They were high, almost unbelievably high, so much higher than anything else he had achieved that season. But that made sense, the routine had finally been used for its intended purpose and he had poured everything he had into it. The world might see it and enjoy, the judges might see it and approve but the whole thing had been for Yuuri alone. The score almost felt irrelevant.

When he looked away from the scoreboard again, Yuuri was talking to his coach, looking strangely agitated. His coach said something in return, too far away for Viktor to hear the words, but Viktor could see as Yuuri forced the tension out of his body, taking a deep breath and stepping out onto the ice to take his place in the centre of the rink that Viktor had just vacated.

The audience were cheering for him but gradually they died down, a hush falling over the stadium again as they waited. Viktor waiting with them, feeling his heart tighten in his chest at the sight of Yuuri out on the rink again. For a while he had thought what his actions had caused had driven Yuuri away from skating for good. Yuuri had never deserved that and Viktor would never be able to put into words just how glad he was that Yuuri had chosen to return.

For a few seconds Yuuri stood perfectly still in the centre of the rink and Viktor held his breath, waiting. Then the music began, a beautiful piano melody that soared throughout the stadium and Yuuri began to move. He lifted his arms, bringing them close to his face before arching them over his head, back bending, body moving gracefully and making the sequins on his costume shine in the lights all around him.

As the melody grew, Yuuri began to skate, every line of his body perfect as he glided around the rink, expression focused and completely at peace. Unlike in competitions during the series before, this time there was nothing lacking from his skating, no intrinsic element that was impossible to name yet missing all the same. This time he looked perfect.

Viktor couldn’t help but watch in awe at the sight. Every step Yuuri took was graceful and laced through with feeling that made Viktor’s own chest fill with warmth just to watch. The entire audience seemed to feel the same, every body motionless and every breath held as they watched.

Sometime had changed in Yuuri’s skating and Viktor wanted to believe but didn’t dare hope. It was the last performance of the competition, it made sense that Yuuri gave it his all in the way he never had before. There had been no word from him for months, not for Viktor. Hope was rapidly fading and his routine had been one last desperate call, needed to speak his love one last time before an end he had almost completely accepted was about to come. His couldn’t dare hope that maybe seeing his performance might had changed something in Yuuri’s own.

As Yuuri’s routine moved into the second half, Viktor could see the beads of sweat begin to form on his face but still he skated on, every move perfect. It was the best that Yuuri had ever performed, without question. His theme for the season was ‘Love’ and Viktor could feel the emotion emanating from him, more powerful than he had ever seen it before.

The music began to draw to its conclusion and Yuuri prepared to jump for a final time. As he did so, Viktor watched his movements, confused. Yuuri wasn’t preparing for a quad toe loop like Viktor had expected. He was preparing for something very different instead.

Feeling his heart leap in his chest he glanced away from the rink and up at the screen to look at Yuuri’s face, the camera zoomed in far closer than his own eyes could see. Yuuri was frowning in concentration as he prepared but a second before he jumped his expression changed, frown replaced by a smile that suddenly danced across his lips as he closed his eyes and jumped.  

Viktor could feel the breath catch in his throat as he watched Yuuri spin in the air, four clean rotations before his skate hit the ice again in a perfect landing. A quadruple flip. Viktor’s signature move. The very last jump Yuuri had performed in his routine about love.

Viktor could feel his heartbeat in his chest, thumping at his rib cage as though desperate to break free. He wanted to believe, could feel the hope flare up inside him, burning at his insides but he still didn’t know, he still wasn’t sure. After everything that had happened, he couldn’t allow himself to believe based on something that could still be a coincidence.

Yuuri swept into a final spin, eyes closed and face perfectly at peace. The last few notes of the music began to ring out across the stadium and he entered the final few moves, bringing the routine to a close. When Yuuri finally came to rest there was an audible gasp in the air and Viktor felt his heart stop in his chest.

All throughout the Grand Prix Series, Yuuri had ended the routine with his head bowed, arms wrapped close to his body and eyes downcast. But this time it was different. Instead of looking down, his head was held proudly upright, eyes fixed across the ice to where Viktor was standing by the rink-side, frozen in shock. One of Yuuri’s arms was held into his chest, pressed across his heart and the other was outstretched, reaching out to point directly at Viktor.

Yuuri’s eyes were fixed on him and his breath was heaving in his chest as he continued to hold the position, arm stretched out towards Viktor and never wavering. Waiting. Suddenly there was a tightness in Viktor’s throat and he pressed his face into his hands, desperately trying to remember how to breath because suddenly it felt like all the air had left the room and there was nothing he could do but gasp for breath.

For so long he had been reaching out to Yuuri. And finally Yuuri was reaching back.

When he looked up again Yuuri’s outline was blurry from the tears that were welling in his eyes but he didn’t care. The stadium was a riot of noise as the crowd gasped and cheered but he paid it no heed. All he could focus on was Yuuri standing in the centre of the rink, pointing to Viktor after skating a routine about love, showing his love to the world.

Almost without thinking, Viktor took a few shaky steps towards the rink entrance, trying to find his feet as his head spun and his heart threatened to burst from the rush of emotions that were suddenly welling inside. For so long he had thought he would never have Yuuri’s love and then when finally he had begun to considered that he might have been wrong, he had ruined things in a way that had made him fear that love or no love, Yuuri could never want him again. After nine months of complete silence, that fear had grown into an almost definite reality.

But now Yuuri was showing his love to Viktor, showing his love to the world. A message he had made so explicit it couldn’t be mistaken, unmissable and obvious to everyone, and suddenly everything else in the world disappeared but the two of them.

Stumbling over his own feet, Viktor started to run, heading for the entrance to the rink with no thoughts in his mind except to get to Yuuri. When he looked to the ice Yuuri was moving too, slipping and stumbling as he sprinted over to the same place that Viktor was focused on. Coming to a staggering halt at the entrance, Viktor looked up to where Yuuri was running towards him, opening his arms and feeling his face break out into a beaming smile as he did so.

There were the beginnings of tears in Yuuri’s eyes but he was smiling too and as he ran he called out, Viktor’s name on his lips and Viktor thought that it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

Yuuri was only a few steps away but Viktor couldn’t wait any longer, needing to have Yuuri in his arms again. There were so many mistakes between them, so many things they still needed to resolve but he loved Yuuri with his whole heart and Yuuri had just declared his love too. Viktor wanted to hold onto Yuuri and never let him go and finally, he didn’t have to anymore.

Yuuri reached out for him but Viktor got there first, sprinting the last few steps onto the surface of the ice and catching Yuuri in his arms, pulling him into a desperate kiss. The ice was cold and hard as his body connected with its surface where they fell but Yuuri’s lips were warm and soft and Viktor barely noticed the impact. He cradled his hand around the back of Yuuri’s head, protecting him from the shock of the landing and at the same time never breaking the kiss, revelling in the feeling of Yuuri again.

Yuuri kissed back desperately, all-consuming, and Viktor felt like he was burning up but it didn’t matter because Yuuri was here with him and it felt like coming home.

When they finally broke apart, Yuuri was still smiling, eyes wet with tears and cheeks wet from the droplets that had fallen from Viktor’s own eyes. Not able to bear breaking apart entirely, Viktor kept their foreheads pressed together, trying to calm the racing of his heart as he stared into Yuuri’s eyes and felt the happiness and love swell inside him in a wave of emotion that he could never hope or want to contain.

“I’m sorry Yuuri.” Were the first words out of his mouth because he needed to say them before anything else. There was so much that needed to be said, so many things that he had held back over the years that finally needed to be spoken out loud but that was the one he needed to make sure Yuuri knew first. He had been waiting nine months to say it after all.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I love you and I’m sorry. I’ll say it again. I’ll say it a thousand times. I’ll say it every day from now until forever and I’ll never stop saying it.”

He would do everything in his power to make amends for what had happened and he would never waste the second chance he had started to become so sure he would never get. Yuuri just continued to smile up at him, running his hands through Viktor’s hair and bringing them down to cup his face, fingers wiping away the tears that were sliding steadily down Viktor’s cheeks. Viktor couldn’t help but turn his face into the palm of Yuuri’s hand, closing his eyes and revelling in the feeling.

“It’s ok. Viktor, it’s ok,” Yuuri reassured him, voice choked with emotion and still looking happier than Viktor had ever seen him before. “I love you. I forgive you. And I’m so sorry too.”

It was almost too much at once and the three sentences made Viktor’s head spin even as the joy rose within him. Yuuri loved him and he was finally saying it out loud so it could never be refuted or mistaken again. Yuuri forgave him, the thing that Viktor had been craving for so long. And Yuuri was sorry too.

“For what?” Viktor croaked because he had been the one to hurt Yuuri first and the one to hurt Yuuri last and he needed to make amends for that pain.

“For all these years,” Yuuri replied and suddenly there was a sadness in his eyes and his expression became imploring, as though he was the one who was desperately seeking forgiveness.

“No, not you,” Viktor insisted because he had had a lot of time to think about just where everything had gone wrong and he knew how his own actions had caused so many of the mistakes and misunderstandings over the years they had been together. He had spent so many months blaming himself it felt strange to hear Yuuri sound exactly the same as he did.  “There were things I should have done. Things I should have changed.”

“No Viktor, no,” Yuuri insisted and this time his voice had taken on a hard edge, sounding stubborn and determined. “It was me. All this time. All these years. It was always me.”

Viktor looked into Yuuri’s eyes and he could see the honesty there, the sorrow and the desire for forgiveness that was a perfect reflection of himself. Before he could say anything else Yuuri pulled him down into a hug, clutching at Viktor and refusing to let him go. Viktor hugged him back, pulling Yuuri close and knowing that if there was just one memory he wanted to hold onto forever, it would be this one.

Eventually they broke apart, Viktor pulling away to look down into Yuuri’s eyes again. The lights from the stadium were sparking in them, making his whole face glow and the expression on Yuuri’s face was brighter than any sun. It was beautiful, he was beautiful because he was Yuuri and Viktor had never loved anything as much as he loved him.

“We need to talk about this,” he said as soon as their faces were far enough apart for him to speak. “We really need to talk about this.”

They had spent so many years with so many things left unsaid and there were so many things he still didn’t understand now. Nothing could change until they had talked, they’d never be able to move on until both of them understood. They couldn’t risk repeating the mistakes of the past and to do that they needed to finally understand exactly how they had come to be. Much as he loved having Yuuri in his arms, he knew that the conversation, difficult as it might prove to be, had to happen before either of them could truly have each other again.

“We do,” Yuuri agreed, nodding as he sat up so that their faces were level as they sat on the ice together. “We need to talk properly. About everything. I think that it’s been overdue for years.”

Viktor couldn’t help but laugh at that, the sound coming out a little watery and a little hysterical but relived all the same. That was an understatement if ever he heard one. Their story spanned across almost half his life and more than half of Yuuri’s and yet still neither of them knew the full story, only one half of what could finally come together and make a whole. Overdue for years was putting it mildly.

“I think you’re right.” he said, still gazing into Yuuri’s eyes as he did so. “And I still have a lot to apologise for.”

“So do I,” Yuuri agreed.

There was so much Viktor wanted to say, so much he still wanted to ask Yuuri and understand but here wasn’t the right place. The noise of the crowd was finally hitting him again, the roaring of thousands of voices as everyone looked on in shock at the two of them and the glare of cameras from every angle pointing at them both. Viktor might have lived most of his life in the spotlight and might be overjoyed that Yuuri had chosen him in front of the whole world but what had to happen next was just for the two of them and no-one else.

“We’ll talk,” he confirmed, getting shakily to his feet and reaching down to pull Yuuri up with him. “As soon as this is over we’ll find somewhere private and we’ll finally talk this out. We certainly have a lot to talk about. But first you need to go to the kiss and cry.”

Unexpectedly, Yuuri smiled, as though biting back a laugh. Viktor didn’t know why Yuuri had found that statement so funny but he basked in the expression all the same. When Yuuri made no attempt to move however, he spoke again.

 “Your skating was beyond anything I’ve ever seen.” he added, thinking back to the way Yuuri had taken everyone’s breath away with a performance that was so full of beauty and love it could barely be described. “Beautiful.  Record-breaking.”

Yuuri smiled at him again, eyes so full of warmth it made Viktor’s heart ache in the best of ways. Still not making any attempt to leave the ice, Yuuri reached down and laced their fingers together, holding Viktor’s hand tightly and refusing to let go. Gently, Viktor tugged him from where he was still standing, guiding him off the ice to stand at the rink-side together.

He couldn’t understand why Yuuri seemed so unbothered about the score, why he made no attempt to go to the kiss and cry even though he had just given the performance of a life-time. Yuuri had been chasing gold for as long as Viktor had known him. He had used to care about winning above and beyond almost everything else. If his routine was as record-breaking as Viktor expected it would be, it would be everything Yuuri had been wanting his entire life.

“Don’t you want to know who won?” Viktor asked and Yuuri laughed, the sound bright and full of warmth, echoing through the stadium as Yuuri tightened his hold and pulled Viktor closer.

“I don’t care,” Yuuri said and his smile was like the sun breaking through the clouds on a dark day, lighting up the world with warmth and happiness and love. “I don’t care who won.”

Their fingers were still laced together and Viktor pulled Yuuri close, wrapping his free arm around him so that they were pressed chest to chest, basking in each other’s warmth. Yuuri’s head was slightly below his own and he tucked his face into Yuuri’s hair, smiling into the soft strands as he spoke again. Viktor felt lighter than he had ever felt before and more than that, he finally felt free.

“Neither do I.”

pinetree @pinetree · 11m

hoLY SHIT

smutinator  @smutinator · 9m

WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK

allsecretsaresweet @allsecretsaresweet · 7m

SOMEONE SLAP ME IN THE FACE I THINK IM DREAMING

I-could-search-the-whole-world @I-could-search-the-whole-world · 4m

Nikiforov’s crying, Katsuki’s crying, I’m crying, everyone is crying

niktorvikiforov @niktorvikiforov · 3m

If you want to cry some more just remember that Katsuki’s theme for this season and that routine was ‘love’

linnorm @linnorm · 1m

I know we’re all freaking out over Katsuki and Nikiforov kissing but can I just give a shout out to that one camera guy who focused on Chulanont and Giacometti’s faces after they did it because it was fucking priceless

jollyglitterdear @jollyglitterdeer · 1m

YUURI BROKE THE FS WORLD RECORD IM SO PROUD OF HIM

sliplock @sliplock · 1m

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Everything that happened after that went by in a blur. Viktor stuck to Yuuri’s side throughout it all, refusing to be parted. He even followed Yuuri to the kiss and cry, sweeping him into another hug when Yuuri’s scores were announced, breaking Viktor’s own world record and awarding Yuuri the highest free skate score in history. After Viktor had finished hugging him, Yuuri’s coach took over and after that Yuuri’s friend, Phichit tackling Yuuri into a hug while Viktor watched on, unable to keep the smile off his face.

After that there wasn’t a second they could find alone. There were so many things to attend to, duties as medallists they had to fulfil. Even then they refused to part, Viktor keeping Yuuri pressed warm to his side and Yuuri never once letting go of his hand. They had spent too much of their lives apart, nothing was going to separate them now.

There were interviews to be done, reporters clamouring for news and being sorely disappointed when they both gave brief and vague answers or chose not to comment. Neither of them wanted to make any official statements until they had first talked properly to each other but there was no time for that, both still trapped at the rink under the scrutiny of everyone there.

Later there was the medal ceremony, both of them beaming at each other rather than the crowds while Yuri stood on the podium with them. Everyone in the stands was still abuzz, screaming and cheering for the three medallists but Viktor could still sense the shock and excitement in the atmosphere over what had happened during Yuuri’s free skate. He knew at some point they were going to have to deal with the fallout, make public statements and clear up any misconceptions that existed but for now all he could do was stare at Yuuri and smile and feel his heart leap every time Yuuri smiled back.

The only time they parted was to briefly talk to their coaches, both needing time to discuss what had happened and make a few arrangements before reuniting again. When Viktor made his way over to talk to Yakov, he was surprised to see the older man smiling, a rare enough occurrence that it was almost an urban legend at the St Petersburg rink. The surprise continued when Yakov made not a word of protest at Viktor’s decision to stay in Barcelona after the competition was finished, not willing to part with Yuuri so soon after they had finally reunited again, regardless of how close the Russian Nationals they were.

When the conversation with Yakov was finished he turned to find Yuuri again but was instead stopped by a familiar dark-haired figure before him. Phichit Chulanont was standing there with his arms folded, looking at Viktor with an unreadable expression on his face.

Viktor tensed, coming to a sudden halt and looking at Phichit warily.

“Are you here to tell me you’ll hurt me if I break his heart?” he asked, taking a guess at what the other skater might want. Yuuri and he had just announced their feelings for each other after all and he knew the cliché well enough. That particular type of relationship talk wasn’t something he had ever experienced before but he was familiar with the concept and the look Phichit was giving him wasn’t exactly a friendly one.

“No,” Phichit told him, a small smile unexpectedly appearing on his face at the words, his expression becoming a little less intimidating as he did so. “This is Yuuri’s choice, he doesn’t need me to do that for him.”

Viktor relaxed a little but the words didn’t dispel all of his wariness. He knew how close Yuuri and Phichit were but he didn’t know much about the younger skater himself and had no idea what Phichit thought of him. If he wanted to be with Yuuri, for real this time, he wanted to be able to get along with Yuuri’s friends as well. But he had no idea if the other skater liked him or loathed him, or exactly what he was doing here now or what he wanted.

“I care about Yuuri a lot,” Phichit said after a moment of silence between them. “I’ve known him for years and I’ve loved him for just as long. I’ve been his friend for longer than you’ve ever known him and I know him better than anyone. I’ve seen just how much his heart has been broken over you before and I know just how much he loves you now.”

Viktor could feel a little flutter of warmth in his chest at the words, the confirmation that Yuuri loved him. But at the same time his heart broke a little with the reminder of just how badly he had hurt Yuuri before, the cause of so much pain and time spent apart.

“I’m not here to make threats or tell you what to do or anything like that,” Phichit continued, face serious. “This is between you and Yuuri. But because I care about him, I need you to promise me one thing.

“What’s that?” Viktor asked, curious. Most of the time he had seen Phichit before, the other man had been smiling or cheerful and Viktor had never seen him as serious as he appeared now.

“Yuuri loves you and I know you love him too. After what you both did I think the whole world knows.” Phichit told him and Viktor could hear the honesty in his tone. “But this is it for Yuuri. He’s chosen you and he’s serious about that choice. He wants this to be for good and I need to know you feel the same. I’ve watched you break his heart before, I’ve seen how much that hurt him, and if you don’t want to commit the way he has to you that will happen all over again. I’m not expecting you to promise that it will last forever, I know no-one is able to do that, but I need you to promise that you’re at least intending to try.”

“I am,” Viktor replied, hearing the surety in his own words. He understood Phichit’s concern even if he couldn’t fathom a world where he didn’t love Yuuri with his whole heart and want to be with him for the rest of his life. He was never intending for this to be causal or an experiment or something to be taken lightly. After everything that had happened, the thought was almost laughable. He wanted a real, true relationship with Yuuri and everything that came with it, the good and the difficult. He wanted it to last and he was intending to try and make it so.

“Good,” Phichit smiled again, wider this time and the tension dropped from his frame as he did so. “I’ve seen his heart break over you before and I don’t want to have to watch it happen again. But I’ve also seen how happy you make him and just how much he wants to be with you. As long as you feel the same, you have my support. He was willing to fight for you and try and make this work for good. As long as you are too, I’ll be happy.”

“Yuuri is lucky to have a friend like you,” Viktor replied, smiling in return. Knowing they had the support of Yuuri’s closest friend was like a weight off his shoulders and he was glad to know Yuuri had people like Phichit willing to ensure his happiness and support his choices.

“Oh I know,” Phichit laughed, a mischievous grin appearing on his face. “You would not believe some of the things I’ve had to put up with over the years. But he’s a good friend. My best friend. I’d do anything for him and it’s all worth it to see him happy.”

“We have that in common then,” Viktor added and Phichit nodded, suddenly looking thoughtful.

“You know, I’ve heard a lot about you over the years,” he told Viktor, a contemplative look on his face even if the laugher was still dancing in his eyes. “Some good. Some bad. But I don’t know you, not really. If you and Yuuri are going to do this I figure we’ll be spending a lot more time together. I am his best friend after all, we’re sort of a package deal.”

Viktor laughed at that, the teasing tone in Phichit’s voice lightening the atmosphere considerably. He knew Phichit meant a lot to Yuuri and he hoped to get to know the other skater better in time. People who were important to Yuuri were important to him after all. Phichit was bright and cheerful and his wit was quick and one day, Viktor hoped they might be friends.

“I look forward to getting to know you, Viktor Nikiforov,” Phichit said, extending a hand for Viktor to shake. Viktor took it, feeling an unspoken understanding pass between them.

“I feel the same,” he agreed as they held the grip, Phichit nodding his head in a small gesture of understanding. Then he smiled again, looking over Viktor’s shoulder to something just behind him. When Viktor turned he saw Yuuri walking towards him, a curious look on his face at the sight of the two of them together.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Phichit added, dropping Viktor’s hand and walking past him to Yuuri, saying a few quiet words to him and clasping his shoulder before glancing back at Viktor with a wink. The curious expression on Yuuri’s face morphed to one of understanding and he rolled his eyes good-naturedly at his friend before Phichit clapped him on the back and walked away.

“Sorry I took so long,” Yuuri told Viktor as he came to a halt in front of him. “I got held up talking to Chris and then my family called.”

“Chris?” Viktor asked, a little surprised at the mention of his friend. “What did Chris want to talk to you about?”

“He was just telling me some things that I needed to hear,” Yuuri told him, gazing flickering into the distance for a second before returning to Viktor’s face again. “And some things I definitely didn’t,” he added with a small grimace, rolling his eyes but looking faintly amused all the same. Knowing Chris, Viktor had an idea of what those things might be and he fought down the urge to blush in embarrassment.

“And your family,” he asked instead of replying, deciding to speak to Chris later and make sure he didn’t tell Yuuri anything else that he didn’t need to know for the sake of teasing them both.  “Did they see what happened? Are they…”

He trailed off, feeling an unexpected nervousness begin to creep up his spine. He was willing to fight for Yuuri and he didn’t care what other people thought of them. But family was different and if Yuuri’s family didn’t approve of their son’s choice of partner it would make things infinitely more difficult for both of them. With so much sour history between he and Yuuri, Viktor had no idea if Yuuri’s family would ever come to accept him, much as he hoped they would.

“They want to meet you,” Yuuri smiled and Viktor felt relief wash through, although it was rapidly replaced by fear. He wanted to make a good impression on the people who were important in Yuuri’s life and the thought of meeting Yuuri’s family was a terrifying one. He couldn’t afford to mess up, not after everything that had already happened.

Yuuri seemed to notice the panic on his face because he reached out a hand, resting it lightly on Viktor’s arm.

“They’ll like you,” he reassured, voice soft and perfectly sincere. “They already do. They just want to finally meet you now that we’re…”

With that, Yuuri trailed off, a small frown appearing between his eyes as he spoke. He shifted slightly, biting his lip and Viktor waited, not sure what Yuuri was intending to say next.

“Together?” Yuuri finished but it sounded far more like a question than Viktor liked.

“Are we?” Yuuri asked, looking up at Viktor and Viktor could see the doubt and worry playing in his eyes, well concealed as it was. “Is that what this means now. Are we together? For real this time?”

“There’s nothing I want more in the world,” Viktor replied, reaching out to place his hand over Yuuri’s own. He was sure his love had been clear and he knew Yuuri’s had been too but they still hadn’t had the chance to actually talk about what had happened and where they stood with each other now and it was a conversation that was a well overdue.

“Me too,” Yuuri told him and his smile was back, small and private and something just for the two of them.

After a few seconds of looking at Yuuri and feeling the warmth rise in his chest at the sight, Viktor glanced away, taking a look at the rapidly emptying stadium. It had been hours since Yuuri’s free skate had ended, hours taken up with official duties they couldn’t escape from but finally there was a lull that he intended to use to his full advantage.

“I think it’s time we talked now,” he told Yuuri and Yuuri nodded his agreement. It had been far too long after all and they were still dancing around each other in a way, not quite sure where they stood after so many years of mistakes and misunderstandings and assumptions between them.

“I agree.” Yuuri replied. “My hotel room is free, we won’t be interrupted there and I think this might take a while.”

“Lead the way,” Viktor told him, extending his hand and allowing Yuuri to twine their fingers together again. The conversation still to come would hurt, he knew that. There were a lot of old wounds that needed to be reopened, bones that needed to be broken again before they could be set right to properly heal. But it would be worth it in the end.

For nine months he had waited, gradually losing hope but never quite letting it die. Now finally, Yuuri was here with him again and no matter what trials they still had to face in the future, Viktor knew that he had never been happier.

When they finally reached Yuuri’s hotel room there was silence for a few seconds, both of them sitting down on the bed side by side, observing each other, neither quite sure what to say. Finally, Yuuri broke the silence.

“I don’t know where to begin,” he said, voice sounding a little hoarse and fingers tapping a nervous beat as he looked at Viktor. Viktor could understand the sentiment. There were so many years between them that needed to be discussed it almost seemed like an impossible task. But he was determined and as long as Yuuri was willing, this time they were going to do it right.

“Why don’t we begin at the beginning,” he suggested and Yuuri snorted a little, the sound halfway between amused and hysterical.

“Your beginning?” he asked. “Or mine?”

“Yours.”

Viktor reached out to take Yuuri’s hand again, rubbing his fingers across Yuuri’s knuckles in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. He knew a little of the beginning of their story, something Yuuri had revealed to him one night that had turned his whole world upside down. But he didn’t know everything. Only a vague outline of an incident that had gone on to shape his whole life and one he knew had shaped Yuuri’s too. If there was anywhere to start, it was there.

“You tell me your story, from the beginning, and I’ll tell you mine.”

Yuuri looked at him for a second and then nodded, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes before he spoke again.

“It was your junior debut,” he said, voice soft in the quiet of the room. “That’s where it all began for me.”

Viktor felt a little jolt of surprise run through him but he held it back, content to simply listen for the moment instead. He had expected Yuuri to begin with the moment they had met but it seemed Yuuri considered the beginning of their story to extend further into the past than that.

“It was a tradition for my friend and I, to watch the Junior Grand Prix together on the tv and imagine what it would feel like when we were the ones out on the rink and with medals around our necks. Everything seemed normal, just another competition. And then I saw you.”

Yuuri’s eyes had taken on a far-away look, lost in a memory. Viktor held his breath, waiting.

“You were the most amazing thing I had ever seen,” Yuuri said and Viktor could feel his heart lurch in his chest. “From the moment I first saw you, I knew that I wanted to skate like you someday. To skate with you someday, on the same ice as you.”

Yuuri took another deep breath, closing his eyes for a second as he exhaled before continuing.

“Everyone knew how much you meant to me,” he continued, voice growing stronger as he spoke. “I had posters of you all over my walls, I learned all of your routines and read all of your interviews. I practiced harder than ever because I knew I had to if I wanted to make it to skate in the same league as you did.”

Viktor couldn’t help the feeling of sadness that crept up on him at Yuuri’s words, the mourning at what had been lost. It was one thing to hear Yuuri say he had once adored Viktor, it was another to hear it in such detail. Viktor could almost picture it, the childish devotion to an idol that Yuuri had worshiped above everyone else, until Viktor had unknowingly ruined it all.

“You know the next part,” Yuuri told him, eyes focusing on Viktor again. “My parents bought me tickets to go and see you. I watched you skate in the Junior Grand Prix, I watched you break the world record and afterwards, I waited outside to get a poster signed by you. And when I met you, you said…”

His voice trailed off, cracking a little and Viktor reached forwards, pulling Yuuri closer and Yuuri went with him willingly, resting his head on Viktor’s shoulder as they sat together side by side. Viktor could see how much the words cost him, how much he disliked relieving the memory all over again and much as he wanted to know, he also couldn’t bear to see Yuuri in pain.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he offered but Yuuri shook his head, looking determined.

“Yes I do,” he replied. “You deserve to know.”

Their fingers were still laced together and Viktor squeezed Yuuri’s hand gently, waiting for him to continue.

“I told you I was going to skate like you someday,” Yuuri confessed. “That one day I wanted to skate against you too. It was my biggest dream, to be good enough to be one the same ice as you. And you told me I’d need to drop some weight before I could think of becoming a skater. You called me свинка. You broke my heart and then you walked away.”

Viktor sucked in a sharp breath, the words hitting him like a punch to the gut even though he had been bracing himself for them. To finally know what he had done to hurt Yuuri was a relief in a way but that didn’t stop the pain from welling up inside him at the thought.

It was worse because it was entirely believable. He had always said exactly what he had thought and he had never been a tactful child. He still didn’t remember the incident, he wasn’t sure that he ever would, but he could picture it in his mind’s eye. Giving what he thought was some helpful advice to an aspiring skater, using a diminutive in his native tongue that he would never have thought to have the effect that it did. Speaking before he thought and turning away before seeing the damage that he had caused. It wouldn’t have been intended to be malicious, he knew that. He had never been intentionally cruel, not even as a child. But he had been careless and tactless and Yakov had always used to warn him that one day it would be his downfall. It seemed he had been right.

“You didn’t even believe I was a skater,” Yuuri said, still speaking even as Viktor’s thoughts raced, pulling away to sit up again. “You belittled me, you dismissed me. You saw me and thought I was nothing. Just another stupid fan with a stupid dream that would never happen because he wasn’t good enough. And I hated you for it. For years I had looked up to you, worshiped you, done everything to work to be just as good as you. Then I met you and all of that meant nothing.”

“Yuuri…” Viktor reached out for him, hesitantly this time. The last time they had had a conversation like this, Yuuri had shied away from his touch but this time he leaned into it, closing his eyes and sighing as Viktor’s palm cupped his cheek.

“I know I can’t go back and fix it,” Viktor told him, wishing there was some way to take back what had once been said. One careless comment that had changed everything. “But I would never have meant to hurt you. I was stupid, back then. Stupid and careless and I know it means nothing now but I wasn’t trying to hurt you or dismiss you. I would have thought I was being helpful. Even if actually, I was being anything but. I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” Yuuri told him, eyes fluttering open again and Viktor could see the honesty there. “I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago really and I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you that. But you don’t need to apologise anymore. It was years ago and it’s over now. I’m over it.”

“But that’s why you hated me back then,” Viktor clarified, wanting to make sure he understood fully this time. “Because I broke your heart.”

“Yes,” Yuuri agreed. “You looked at me and didn’t believe I was a skater. I told you I wanted to compete with you one day and you looked at me and valued me as nothing. I wanted to prove that you were wrong, that you should never have underestimated me. That I could be worth something someday in the way you didn’t see when we first met. I thought that if I beat you, I could finally prove myself to you. That you would see I was worth something after all and you’d regret dismissing me back then.”

“You already proved yourself to me long before you beat me,” Viktor told him, hoping that Yuuri could read the sincerity in his tone. He might not remember the first time that they met but he had seen the value in Yuuri’s skating the first time he watched, the way Yuuri had seemingly made music with his body. “And you were always worth something. I’m sorry I ever made you believe otherwise.”

“And I’m sorry I held on to it for so long,” Yuuri replied, tightening his grip on Viktor and looking him in the eye. “I just wanted to prove myself to you, even when I resented you. I tried to tell myself I hated you, that I didn’t care about you but even then I knew that I still did, deep down. I wanted you to see me as an equal. Worthy. The next time we met you criticised my skating, pointed out my flaws and I figured I had been right about you, that you’d never see me as worth anything when I was still so much less than you. I had to be better.”

“The second time…?” Viktor asked, lowering his hand from Yuuri’s face and leaving the question hanging in the air. “The bathroom?”

Yuuri nodded a confirmation, eyebrows furrowing again as he remembered.

“You told me I’d never make it in the senior division unless I learned how to do quads. I couldn’t land them yet, even though you could when you were the same age. I knew you’d never see me as serious competition until I was able to beat you.”

Viktor shook his head, his own memory of the incident so far removed from what Yuuri was saying.

“No,” he told Yuuri, who looked startled at the statement. “That wasn’t the reason. I was fascinated by you, I knew your skating was special and I wanted to see more. I wanted to see you improve because I knew one day you could be truly amazing. I admired the way you won without quads but I knew you would struggle in the senior division if you still couldn’t do them. I just wanted to give you some advice. I just wanted to help.”

Yuuri was quiet for a second, thinking the words over before he finally spoke again.

“I must have taken the words in the worst way,” he mused, almost to himself. “Because of what happened before I got used to expecting the worst from you. I had this image of you in my mind, the person who broke my heart, and everything you did and everything you said got twisted around because of it. I guess that just must have been another example.”

“I probably didn’t phrase it very well either,” Viktor conceded because if he had been tactless with Yuuri before it was likely he had accidentally done so again, still young and naïve and with a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth.

It was still so hard to believe, however, that Yuuri had been seeking Viktor’s approval, desperately wanting to prove his worth to someone who had dismissed him before, when in reality he already had Viktor’s attention for years. It was just another one of their crossed wires, mistakes and miscommunications that were only just coming fully to light.

“You didn’t need to win for me to see you as serious competition,” he told Yuuri, wanting to make that point very clear. “I told you before, from the first time I saw you skate, you were captivating. I wanted to see you improve, I couldn’t wait to see what you would become. I was looking forward to skating against you someday. You didn’t have to win to prove your worth, just being you was enough.”

“I never knew,” Yuuri shook his head at the words, looking a little lost as he did so. “I never knew you felt that way. That you even really saw me at all back then. I was nothing, you had done so much more than me and I could never compare. Then I moved into the senior division and no matter how hard I tried or how much I worked, I still couldn’t beat you. I resented you, I wanted to show you I was better than I thought you ever believed I would be and I kept failing. I was so focused on beating you and everyone saw it. The whole world kept saying that we were rivals, everyone kept talking about how you must feel about me, an upstart, an annoyance, someone to be knocked back down into his place by the reigning champion. I guess I must have seen what they thought you felt about me and forgotten to look at who you actually were. I’m sorry for that.

“I forgive you,” Viktor told him, even though there was little to forgive. The wounds he had caused Yuuri as a child would still have been fresh and at that point he had done nothing to heal them. He couldn’t blame Yuuri for still resenting him back then. “I’m sorry I never did anything to correct you. After what happened in the bathroom, I stayed away. I knew I had upset you by what I had said but I didn’t know how or why. I didn’t want to make the same mistake again. So I hung back and waited when maybe I should have tried to speak to you again instead.”

“It’s not your fault,” Yuuri insisted. “I was still so angry back then and I think it wouldn’t have mattered what you did. I was blinded by what had happened and I was blind for a very long time. That’s on me, not on you.”

It made sense, even if the thought of Yuuri thinking so badly of him still stung a little. But there was another part that Viktor didn’t quite understand and needed to.

“But if you thought that of me,” Viktor asked, trying to keep his voice steady. “Then why did you kiss me?”

It was a question he still didn’t know the answer to, no matter how much he poured over it in his mind. Originally, he had thought it might be due to a part of Yuuri that didn’t hate him after all, a part that he had thought he’d seen when watching Yuuri skate his routine. Then, after what had happened, he had assumed it was just attraction and nothing more, Yuuri wanting something quick and easy and casual and finding it in Viktor. Then he had discovered he was Yuuri’s one and only and he didn’t quite know what to think anymore.

“I…”

 Yuuri paused for a minute and Viktor could almost feel him thinking, turning over the words and examining the memories in his own mind before he answered.

“For a long time,” Yuuri said eventually. “I wanted you to see me as worthy. Equal. I wanted you to see me, the way you never had before. I thought when I won gold I would have that and then I finally did it and it felt amazing. But then you looked at me and danced with me and I wanted so much more. You were finally looking at me and I wanted to keep your eyes on me. Then you kissed me and...”

He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders and looking away, a flush creeping up his face as he spoke.

“You couldn’t take your eyes off me. You were focused on me and only me, even if it was only for a little while. And I loved it. It made me feel special. Valued. Like I was finally worth something to you after all. I finally beat you, I was finally your equal after so many years and I was the one you wanted, even if I was sure it was never going to last. After so many years of thinking I was insignificant to you, I couldn’t get enough of that feeling.”

Viktor could still remember that night in perfect detail. How they had danced together, how nervous he had been and how much he wanted to finally get to know Yuuri and fix what was broken between them, before he knew just how complicated the situation actually was or how deep the hurt ran. He had tried to start a conversation but been cut off and then Yuuri had lead him away from the banquet, an invitation in his voice and his eyes and Viktor had been reckless and had wanted him so badly so he had followed.

Yuuri had never meant nothing to him, he had never needed to do anything to keep Viktor’s eyes fixed on him except simply be himself but it seemed that Yuuri himself had never known that.

“I came back because of how it made me feel,” Yuuri admitted, still not looking Viktor in the eye. “And how much I loved that feeling. But then I began to get to know you and you were so different to how I expected. I started to want to just spend time with you, to be with you. I stopped coming back because of how you made me feel and started coming back because of you. Even before I realised it, I started to fall in love with you. But you were you. And I was me. I was nothing special and you could have anyone and anything you wanted. I thought there was only two ways to keep your eyes on me. Winning and…well. You already know.”

It almost made Viktor want to laugh at the irony. He had thought that Yuuri was only interested in him for one thing, had guarded his heart because it had been broken by Yuuri before and he was sure he would never be able to have what he truly wanted. And now here Yuuri was, telling him that in a strange way, he had thought the same thing about Viktor too.

“You call yourself nothing special,” he said, shaking his head and trying not to laugh, knowing the sound would come out strangled and a little bitter at the same time. “But you are. Back then you already had my attention. You already had my heart.”

“What?” Yuuri asked, sitting up a little straighter, eyes widening in surprise. “What do you mean, back then?”

His attention was entirely fixed on Viktor, eyes wide and sharp as he waited, expression more vulnerable than Viktor had ever seen it before. This time it was Viktor’s turn to take a deep breath before he spoke, delving back into the memories of years long past.

“The first time I saw you, the first time I thought I saw you at least,” he corrected himself quickly. “I watched you skate and I was fascinated by you. There was something special, something that caught my attention. I followed your career, I was interested to see what you would do. I was naïve, I thought there was some kind of connection between us, that I had seen you and immediately known that you were special. I know that I was wrong now. But still, I watched.”

Yuuri opened his mouth as if to speak but then closed it again, looking a little lost for words as Viktor continued.

“At the same time, I was losing my love for skating. I sold my soul to the ice and I gave it everything. For years it seemed like enough and I was on top of the world. But then I kept winning. Over and over again. There was no challenge anymore, I couldn’t surprise people because they already knew the results before they were even announced. I was losing inspiration, losing my love of skating and it terrified me. Then you came along and you changed everything.”

“Me?” Yuuri asked, a little faintly and Viktor nodded. 

“You were so determined to win. You worked so hard and you came so close and it pushed me to be better. Finally I had a real challenge again and I loved it. You brought inspiration back into my skating and I can never thank you enough for that. I knew I had messed up with you before when I had tried to talk to you, so I hung back but I wanted to get to know you. I started to call out to you through skating because I couldn’t with words. You always looked so unhappy whenever I was near and I didn’t want to push and make it worse. I was waiting for the right time to approach you again and I thought that someday, I could figure out why you hated me so much and fix it.”

He paused, eyes flickering away as he mentally prepared himself for the next part. It was a good memory and yet a painful memory at the same time and he had no idea how Yuuri was going to react.

“I knew you hated me,” he said. “But I hoped that one day, I might be able to change that. Then I got injured and I felt so empty. I didn’t have skating and it seemed like there was nothing left. I used to go to rinks just to look at the ice because I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore.”

“I remember,” Yuuri told him, voice sad. “Even if I still resented you back then, nothing was the same without you there. I won that season but it didn’t matter because it wasn’t against you.”

“It was you that kept me going,” Viktor admitted. “Everyone else was talking about how I might retire but you never believed it. You insisted I was coming back and I worked to make sure I did because I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Viktor, I…” Yuuri looked more than shocked at that, reaching out a hand and Viktor caught it in the air and wound their fingers together again. He didn’t want to stop just yet, not until he had said what needed to be said.

“There’s more,” he admitted, bringing Yuuri’s hand up to his mouth and pressing a light kiss to the knuckles. He still remembered how it had felt back then, the aching sense of loss and loneliness and how the thought of Yuuri had kept him going through it all.

“There was one night. I was in Moscow with my rink-mates for the Rostelecom Cup. You were there too. After the competition was over, I went to a local rink because Yakov had banned me from our own. I needed a place to think, I didn’t think anyone else would be there so late. But you were.”

“What?” Yuuri asked again but this time it was more a hushed expression of shock then a question. Viktor had been expecting the reaction. That moment had been private for Yuuri, a time he had thought he had been alone. Viktor had never made his presence known and much as he had thought about the incident over the years, he had never actually told Yuuri that he had been there.

“You were skating my routine,” Viktor told him, the memory still so clear in his mind even after all the time that had passed. “The routine I skated on the day I broke your heart, although I didn’t know that back then. In public you hated me, although I didn’t understand why, but I saw you that night you had memorised a routine of mine from years ago and were skating it so full of love that it took my breath away. That’s when I first fell in love with you.”

“But…that was so many years ago,” Yuuri stammered, a look of shock taking over his face as he stared at Viktor. “That was five years ago.”

Viktor just nodded. It had been a long time and he had come so far since then but that was when it first started for him, on that dark Moscow night when he had first given Yuuri his heart.

“I didn’t really know you,” he admitted because it needed to be said. “I loved you but I didn’t really know you. Not like I thought I did. I fell in love with you from afar, you brought so much back into my life and I loved you for that and I couldn’t seem to let go, not even when you hated me. I kept coming back because of it, just like you did. But little by little I came to know you, the real you. Not the parts of you that I thought I knew. Not what I saw without you knowing. But you. Then you came to stay with me in Moscow and I realised I had fallen in love with you all over again. With you as you are, not as I thought you were.”

“But five years ago, that’s when it first started,” Yuuri asked, still sounding a little shell-shocked. Viktor nodded, not sure quite what Yuuri’s reaction was going to be. He had always assumed his love had been obvious and even if he had come to realise Yuuri might not know the way he had once thought, having the evidence presented to him in the form of Yuuri’s shocked expression was a lot to take in.

“I never thought…I never even considered…” Yuuri started, then stopped, obviously trying to get his thoughts back in order. His hand had tightened in Viktor’s, almost to the point of pain.

“When I went home, after whappened, my dance teacher told me that sometimes I was unintentionally selfish.” Yuuri admitted. The statement seemed to come from no-where and Viktor waited, curious to see where Yuuri was going with it. “That I get so caught up in my own head sometimes I forget to look outside of it. I didn’t realise what she meant for a long time, not until I saw you skate and realised you loved me. That maybe you had loved me for longer than I ever understood. But five years.”

“I thought you knew,” Viktor admitted and Yuuri’s head whipped around, starting at him with wide eyes. “There were times when I thought you knew how I felt about you.”

“I never did,” Yuuri replied and his voice sounded a little choked, looking at Viktor imploringly. “I promise you, I never did. There’s so much I would have done differently if I had known. But Viktor, how could I? You never told me. And you’re Viktor Nikiforov. You could have anything and anyone you wanted in the world. How was I supposed to believe that someone like you would fall in love with someone like me?”

“What?” This time it was Viktor’s turn to sound shocked.  “But Yuuri, you’re amazing. How could you ever think that?”

Yuuri laughed a little at that and it sounded slightly bitter but mostly just sad. The hand that wasn’t entwined with Viktor’s tangled in the sheets on the bed, balling them up as Yuuri’s fingers tensed and flexed as he spoke.

“You don’t remember how we first met,” Yuuri said, eyes flickering away for a second and then back to Viktor again. “It changed my whole life but you don’t remember it. You have so many fans, so many people clamouring for your attention and I was just one of thousands, so easily forgotten when I could never forget you. I worked my way up the ranks, I was so determined to have you see me and keep your eyes fixed on me. I could do that by winning. I could do that when we were together. But I always assumed it was only temporary, only for the moment. For a long time, I didn’t think I could be enough to keep you for good. You were too bright for someone like me to ever be able to hold onto you forever.”

Viktor opened his mouth to speak but found that no words would come. He had loved Yuuri so much and for so long that he had never really considered that Yuuri might not see himself the same way. That Yuuri might not see how incredible he really was, how lucky Viktor was to have him and have his love and how he would cherish it to the end. 

“I could search the whole world,” he said because it was all he could think of to say. “And no-one could compare to you. I love you. I want to be with you, for as long as you’ll let me. I always have. You were the one who was always leaving. You were the one I thought I’d never be able to have forever.”

“How did we manage to make such a mess of this?” Yuuri asked, sounding a little helpless at Viktor’s words and Viktor had to agree. He loved Yuuri. Yuuri loved him. And neither of them had realised for so long.

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri added and his voice cracked a little on the words. “For thinking badly of you for so long even though you didn’t deserve it. For not realising you loved me for all those years. How much time did we lose because I didn’t see?”

“The same amount that we lost because I didn’t say,” Viktor cut in, not willing to let Yuuri take all the blame onto himself. He had thought he had been obvious, had so many reasons why he hadn’t spoken his love out loud but when confronted with Yuuri’s devastated face none of them seemed even nearly good enough excuses anymore.

“There are still things I don’t understand,” Yuuri admitted and Viktor nodded in agreement. “So I somehow made you fall in love with me without even realising. But what happened after that? What then?”

“After I saw you skate, I trained harder than ever, I made myself get better to come back to skating the next season,” Viktor explained. “Because you were expecting me to. You gave me inspiration, you gave me a reason to skate again, you were amazing in every way, even if you did hate me. I loved you and I had also started to want you to.”

As he said it he could feel the blush rising in his own cheeks and saw it echoed in Yuuri’s. He could still remember how it had begun, the desire that had rushed through him along with the realisation that he suddenly wanted to get to know Yuuri in far more ways than one.

“That year, in the Grand Prix, you tried to jump a quad flip,” he continued, allowing the memories to flow through him and pushing down his embarrassment when he thought of his own routine. “I thought it was a sign. I had been reaching out to you through skating and I thought maybe that was the cue for me to try again to reach out in other ways. I tried to speak to you after the competition but you’d already disappeared. Then at the Olympics I was looking for the right moment to try and talk to you but you were never around.”

“I don’t usually like the crowds,” Yuuri admitted, ducking his head a little as he spoke. “I wanted to focus on skating so I mainly stayed away from it all. After you came back and broke the world record in the Grand Prix, I almost gave up. It had been years and I’d never managed to win. I thought maybe it was time to accept that I never would. But then my coach convinced me to stop moping and do something about it and I decided I wanted to focus and beat you at the Olympics because that’s where it mattered most.”

He looked embarrassed as he said it, keeping his eyes averted but Viktor understood. If Yuuri had thought he could only prove himself by winning, then winning the Olympics in Viktor’s home country was certainly a statement to make. It wasn’t a goal he could resent Yuuri for aiming for.

“I didn’t like losing that medal,” he admitted because this was no time to lie. He had been disappointed at the loss at the Olympics, it was true. “But I cared more that I finally got to see you skating your best. You deserved to win and after so many years of no-one being able to beat me, it was an interesting experience, to finally lose.”

“You didn’t lose, you came in second,” Yuuri pointed out, a small smile suddenly dancing on his lips as though he was laughing at an inside joke. “There’s a difference. It took me a long time to figure it out but I got there eventually.”

Viktor tipped his head in acknowledgement at the statement.

“Regardless, standing under you on the podium and knowing I had finally seen you reach your full potential was a pleasure to witness.” he said, remembering how he had felt that day, a little disappointed but happy all the same. Admiring the way Yuuri looked above him and the way the gold of the medal brought out his eyes. “Then you caught me starting at you and sort of flirted with me and I…”

“I what?” Yuuri spluttered, choking on the air and looking at Viktor in disbelief. “Flirted with you? I insulted you! I asked you how you liked the view now that you were standing below me for once. I thought you deserved it but I should never have said what I said. It was petty and cruel, I can see that now. But I wasn’t flirting with you.”

Viktor opened his mouth and then closed it again, not sure if he should laugh or bury his face in his hands in embarrassment. Of all the misunderstandings they had come across in their conversation, this one suddenly seemed like the most ridiculous.

“I thought you meant enjoying the view of you,” he mumbled, feeling the flush of embarrassment starting to creep back into his cheeks. He had assumed Yuuri had seen the way Viktor was staring appreciatively at him, had recognised Viktor’s regard and had responded to it.

“I had no idea,” Yuuri admitted, shaking his head and looking mortified too. “I was still so angry back then, I still resented you so much. I’m sorry for how I acted, I swear I am. But I had no idea that’s what you thought I meant.”

“Anyway,” Viktor coughed, deciding it might be better to just move on from that particular point. “I knew you still hated me but I thought you understood the way that I was looking at you. That I wanted you. Then that night at the banquet, I realised you wanted me too.”

At that statement, Yuuri turned an even darker shade of red and hid his face in his hands.

“Chris told me about the banquet,” he mumbled and Viktor could see the tips of his ears were a bright scarlet too even if his face was concealed. “He said I stripped half my clothes off and started to pole dance and I was so drunk you had to take me back to my room.”

“Ah, yes,” Viktor admitted, trying to push the memories of a very scantily clad Yuuri wrapped around a pole away. It really wasn’t the time after all. “By the time I arrived, you were so drunk you could barely walk and I thought it would be best just to help you get to bed. You were clinging on to me and you didn’t seem too happy with me when I arrived but then you stopped yelling when I carried you to your room…”

At that Yuuri let out a mortified little groan and buried his face even deeper into his hands.

“You carried me to my room?” he asked through his fingers and Viktor nodded.

“You stopped being able to walk halfway there so I had to pick you up instead. Then you started to compliment my hair and tell me you liked my eyes and you looked like you were going to try and kiss me. That’s when I knew you were at least attracted to me too.”

“I’m so sorry,” Yuuri groaned, face still partially hidden in his palms. “I was so drunk that night. I don’t even remember doing it.”

Viktor just waved the apology away.

“Don’t worry about it,” he told Yuuri, who finally lifted his face from his hands. “I just put water by your bed and left you to sleep it off. But I had seen you skating a routine of mine from years ago which I thought meant there must be something more and after what happened then I knew you at least desired me and I let myself get carried away imagining. I thought you must feel at least something for me other than hatred and that it was finally the time to ask.”

“Is that why you asked me to dance?” Yuuri said, a look of realisation crossing his face as he spoke. “During the next World Championships. Is that why you first asked me to dance?”

“Yes.” This time it was Viktor’s turn to fidget now, remembering how nervous he had been that night. Trying to think of a way to approach Yuuri and settling on dancing, hoping they could strike up a conversation and he could finally make headway in talking to the man he had been admiring from afar for years. “I didn’t know how to approach you and I didn’t want to mess up like the last time I tried. I thought dancing might be a good way to start, that it might warm you up to me. But you weren’t as…receptive as I’d hoped you would be.”

Yuuri had accepted his offer to dance but his eyes had been cold and sharp and his words had cut. Dancing certainly hadn’t warmed him up or encouraged him to drop any of his carefully constructed walls the way Viktor hoped it would. He had been cut off at every turn and the words he wanted to say had never had the chance to come.  

“Viktor, I’m so sorry,” Yuuri said again, this time looking ashamed. “What I said that night, I was rude and you didn’t deserve that. I was still thinking the worst of you, I thought you were asking me to dance like a challenge. Trying to size me up now that I had beaten you twice and was finally real competition. I wouldn’t have said what I said if I knew you just wanted to talk. And I wouldn’t have done what I did afterwards if I’d known you had feelings for me.”

Yuuri turned fully towards him so that they were entirely face to face on the bed, shuffling closer so that they were almost touching. Viktor could see the regret in his eyes, the sorrow on his face and it hurt to see it there.

“Everything was so complicated for me that night,” Yuuri admitted. “I don’t think even I really knew what I wanted or what I was feeling. All I knew was that I had finally beaten you and you were finally seeing me and I still wanted more. I wanted you, so badly. But I thought you hated me, I thought you resented me, I thought it was all mutual. If I had known how you really felt, I wouldn’t have…”

He trailed off, as though unable to put into words what had happened that night. Viktor understood the sentiment. So much had been building between them for so many years and that night had been the culmination of it all. Yuuri had danced with him, insulted him and looked at him with desire in his eyes. He had lead Viktor out of the room, had made it very clear through his actions what he wanted and Viktor had given in to his desire at last.

“I was the one that kissed you first,” he pointed out, wanting to wipe the sorrow from Yuuri’s face and never allow it back there again. “I should have tried harder to talk but instead I was reckless and impulsive. You couldn’t have known what I was feeling because I never said and nothing happened that night that I didn’t want.”

“But I told you I hated you,” Yuuri said and this time there was horror creeping into his voice as he remembered. “I thought you felt the same, I had no idea. I slept with you and I told you I hated you and all that time, you were in love with me.”

“Yuuri…” Viktor started but Yuuri cut him off, all the horror in his face directed inwards at himself.

“I hurt you,” he said and his voice was choked and full of remorse. “Didn’t I?”

“Yes,” Viktor admitted, watching as Yuuri flinched a little and wishing there was a way to fix it. But it needed to be said. There was no place for hiding the truth anymore. What had happened had hurt him and the memory still stung. “What you said hurt, especially when you chose to say it. Your timing definitely could have been a little better.”

He tried to inject some lightness into his tone but the joke fell flat and he could still practically feel Yuuri’ self-loathing rolling off him in waves.

“Listen Yuuri,” he tried again, reaching out to rest a hand on Yuuri’s arm. “It hurt me yes, but it was my fault too. I knew you hated me, before I even kissed you. You always made that very clear, you had never pretended to feel anything else. I knew you hated me and I did what I did anyway. You didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. And even after what you said, I still didn’t regret it. I could have stopped then but I didn’t. It might not have been the right choice but it was my choice and I made it.”

Unexpectedly, instead of speaking Yuuri reached out, pulling Viktor to him and into a crushing hug. For a second Viktor froze but then he relaxed into the feeling, allowing himself to enjoy the sensation of being held in Yuuri’s arms as Yuuri gripped him tight.

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri mumbled again into his shoulder. “I didn’t realise I was hurting you but I did and I’m so sorry for that.”

“I forgive you,” Viktor told him, pulling away so that he could look at Yuuri’s face again. “I hurt you too and you forgave me for it. We’ve both made mistakes. We’ve both said things we regret. But like you said, it was years ago and I’m over it now too.”

“We should have talked back then,” Yuuri said, frustration beginning to creep into his tone as he spoke. “I had so much wrong, everything was so different to what I thought it was. I don’t know what I’d have done if you’d told me then, I was still so caught up in the past. But I’d never have done the things I did if I’d just realised you didn’t actually hate me the way I thought you did.”

“We should have,” Viktor agreed. “I wanted to talk the next morning. I thought that after what happened there was no way you’d go back to recoiling in my presence like you used to do before. You might hate me but we’d made enough progress for a conversation at least. But then when I came back, you were already leaving.”

“Of course I was,” Yuuri’s interjected, voice sounded almost disbelieving. When Viktor looked at him, confused, he continued, speaking as though his words were already obvious.

“Viktor, I woke up alone,” he pointed out and there was a vulnerability in his voice that hadn’t been there before. “We had just slept together and I woke up completely alone. There was nothing, not even a note. I thought it was pretty clear from that, that you wanted me gone before you came back.”

Viktor started at him for a few seconds in shock and then a hysterical laugh bubbled its way out of his throat, the sound cracking even as he tried to suppress it. Covering his mouth with his hand he tried to stifle the sound but he couldn’t stop it, nor the anger and frustration rising inside him that was directed entirely at himself.

“Why are you laughing?” Yuuri asked, sounding a mixture of affronted and confused at Viktor’s unexpected and slightly hysterical outburst.

“Because I’m such an idiot,” Viktor replied, wanting nothing more than to go back in time and kick his past self for being so stupid. “I was so eager to finally talk for once. I wanted to set everything up to be perfect, to make a peace offering and make sure you were in a good mood so that we could talk properly for the first time. I went out to get us coffee because I thought it would be a good icebreaker and an excuse for you to stay. I was so excited about it I almost left my wallet in the room, let alone thought about anything else. I can’t believe I made you think I wanted you to leave because I was an idiot who didn’t think to leave a note.”

It was such a stupid mistake but now that he was finally seeing it from Yuuri’s side it made total sense. If Yuuri had assumed Viktor disliked him and everything that had happened had been a culmination of that, waking up alone the morning after sent a very clear message. No wonder he had been trying to leave.

“Oh,” Yuuri said simply, looking a little lost for words.

“When I came back with a drink for you, didn’t you realise I might not want you gone after all though?” Viktor asked because he was still a little confused over that. Yuuri might have initially thought Viktor wanted him gone but surely when Viktor had arrived with a drink he had ordered just for Yuuri, Yuuri would have realised that Viktor wanted him to stay.

“I was embarrassed,” Yuuri said, glancing away as he retreated into the memory. “Everything had changed for me but I thought it was just a casual thing for you. I assumed you wanted me out of the way and even when you came back, I thought it was just polite, something you did for everyone you slept with. I was still so caught up in the idea it meant nothing to you and I was convinced it would be rude to outstay my welcome. So I left.”

“You could never be just a casual thing for me,” Viktor told him because he couldn’t even imagine it. He had already been so far gone on Yuuri, even back then, that the idea that their first night together could be easily brushed off was almost laughable to him.

“But I didn’t know that,” Yuuri pointed out and there was a hint of sadness in his voice as he said it. “You kissed me first. You invited me back to your room. Then you left in the morning. So I assumed that was all you wanted from me.”

“Then it was my mistake for ever letting you believe that that night didn’t change everything for me too,” Viktor said and reached out to take Yuuri’s hand again, needing the point of contact to ground him. Yuuri had said before that he had assumed he was nothing special for Viktor but it was still a shock to hear it now, that Yuuri had believed he was a casual thing to be easily cast away when he had already been so integral to Viktor’s world. 

“I spent so long believing I was just convenient for you,” Yuuri said quietly, almost to himself. “Just something casual. Back then, I thought it meant nothing to you.”

“I thought the same of you once,” Viktor admitted. “Especially after the second time.”

He paused, needing a second before he was ready to continue. Of all the memories he had of their times together, that was the one that still hurt the most. Now, with the knowledge he had gained over the years, he knew there must have been much more going on under the surface than he had back then but that didn’t lessen much of the sting.

“At first, after that first night, I thought things might have started to change between us. You didn’t seem to resent me as much anymore, you came second again at the next Grand Prix Final but you weren’t hostile like you used to be. You congratulated me on winning and I thought that maybe we were making progress. We could be friendly towards each other even if we weren’t friends yet.”

“Things had started to change,” Yuuri replied and Viktor could read the honesty in his voice. “I never regretted the first night. I loved it. After that I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were so different to how I imagined and I think even then, even if I still didn’t see you for who you really were, things were starting to change for me. Then during the Grand Prix Final I lost but I didn’t feel as frustrated by it as I used to because I knew I could win and so did everyone else. I had proved myself to the world, I had proved myself to you. Suddenly silver didn’t seem as much a failure as it used to before.”

Then his face darkened and he took a deep breath, hands clenching into fists at whatever memory he was relieving.

“It wasn’t enough though,” he continued and this time there was bitterness in his voice. “I was proud of myself, I thought that beating you twice was enough. But it wasn’t. People called my wins a fluke, just one good season and nothing more. Said I was never good enough and they were so glad you had beaten me again. I hadn’t proved myself to anyone because the minute I wasn’t at the top of the podium, everything I worked so hard for was dismissed. I knew I would never been seen as good enough unless I kept winning over and over again.”

“Who said that?” Viktor asked, feeling the anger rise up within him at Yuuri’s words. Yuuri had proved himself a long time ago and having his achievements dismissed like that made Viktor’s blood boil.

“Fans,” Yuuri told him simply. “I was reading comments online and they were all there crowing about how pathetic I was and how happy they were that you had won again. About how I could never hope to rival you. I couldn’t stop thinking about it because just when I thought I had achieved what I had set out to do, there they all were telling me I’d never be able to be an equal to someone like you.”

The revelation shocked Viktor because he had never seen it that way before. There had been plenty of awful things said about him in the media over the years, rumours and lies and slander, insults flung at him from every side and he had brushed them all off with ease. The more years that passed the easier it became to ignore until even the vicious hatred of Yuuri’s most vocal fans was just faint background noise. He had never imagined the opinion of strangers might affect Yuuri so deeply and so differently to him. 

“Yuuri, you know that’s not what the whole world thought, don’t you?” he asked, feeling the concern overtaking the anger in him. Yuuri had so many people who adored him, he must know that too. “Just because there were a few people telling lies doesn’t mean you didn’t have thousands who loved you.”

Yuuri nodded, a little hesitantly, still looking caught up in the memory.

“I see that now, better than I did then at least I think. But back then it was all I could focus on. Their voices were so loud and I couldn’t think of anything but how little they thought of me. How little you must have thought of me too. How you must have laughed at the idea that someone like me could ever have believed I was good enough to rival someone like you.”

Viktor opened his mouth to protest but Yuuri cut him off, squeezing Viktor’s fingers gently where their hands were still joined and looking at Viktor with a small smile.

“I know you don’t think that now. I know you never did,” he said softly. “But back then I didn’t know what I know now. I saw what your fans were saying about me and I thought you must be thinking the same things too. After working so long to prove myself to you, it hurt to think that even after everything, I still hadn’t. I just wanted things to go back to the way they had been before, when I had won and you were looking at me like I was worth something after all.”

“And that’s why you kissed me,” Viktor said, the realisation suddenly creeping over him as Yuuri spoke. The change had been so jarring and he had never understood it. One minute Yuuri was congratulating him and the not even an hour later he was dragging Viktor into a biting kiss in a deserted corridor, telling him not to speak and leaving him as soon as they were done. Now he knew the trigger for the change and suddenly things were starting to make a little more sense.

Yuuri nodded, looking ashamed.

“I shouldn’t have done it and I’m sorry. I wasn’t even intending to but then I was walking past the corridor and I saw you there and I didn’t even think about it. I wanted you to make me feel the way you had before, like I mattered to you, even if it was just for a short time.”

“I thought I meant nothing to you then,” Viktor admitted and Yuuri’s head whipped up to stare at him again, horror back in his eyes. “You told me not to talk. Half the time you wouldn’t even look at me. It made me feel like I could have been anyone to you. Then you left and it hurt so much because I cared so much about you and you acted like I was just…disposable.”

“Viktor, I…” Yuuri started, swallowing heavily and looking more remorseful than Viktor had ever seen him before, the emotion mixed in with the horror on his face. “I never meant for it to be like that. I asked you not to talk because I couldn’t bear to hear you say the same things that I had heard from the people who supported you. I closed my eyes because I kept trying to imagine us back in that first night, I was trying to relieve it in a twisted way because it meant so much to me and I wanted to feel like that again. You could never have been just anyone, it could only ever have been you.”

When Viktor had discovered he had been Yuuri’s one and only, years and years later, he had come to realise there must have been something more going on that night. Yuuri clearly didn’t come to him for disposable easy pleasure if Viktor was the only person he had ever chosen like Viktor had once thought. But back then he hadn’t known that and it had solidified the idea he was just one of many for Yuuri, quickly used and easily forgotten.

“I know it’s not an excuse,” Yuuri continued. “That’s why I did it but it doesn’t excuse what I did. I was so caught up in myself I didn’t even think it might have hurt you. I thought I didn’t mean anything to you. If I’d known, I’d never have done it. I never meant to hurt you. But I did. Viktor, I’m so sorry for that.”

“You’re not the only one to blame,” Viktor conceded because much as he had needed to hear Yuuri’s apology for what happened that night, it wasn’t all Yuuri’s fault. He had had just as much control over what happened as Yuuri did and he had made his choices too. “I shouldn’t have gone along with it when you asked me not to speak. I already knew not talking was a bad idea but I did it anyway. You didn’t force me, you asked me and I chose to agree. I could have stopped at any time but I didn’t because I wanted you so badly. That part is on me.”

“Still,” Yuuri shook his head, looking disgusted with himself. “I hurt you. How many times have I hurt you over the years and never realised?”

When he looked back at Viktor his expression was imploring, pleading with Viktor to tell him the truth. Their whole conversation so far had been a painful one, realising just how much they had each messed up and just what they had done to cause each other pain. But it felt good as well, finally saying what needed to be said, apologising and hearing apologies and finally being able to start to let things go.

“That was the worst time,” he reassured Yuuri, not just to erase the pain on his face but because it was true. That had hurt him the most but after that he had begun to guard his heart and Yuuri had begun to change and nothing else had even come close. It seemed unfair, they had already reached his most painful point when Yuuri’s was still a long way to come. “After that, I decided to stay away because I might love you but you had hurt me and I didn’t want it to happen again. But eventually, I still made the choice to come back.”

“Why?” Yuuri asked, voice sounding small and very vulnerable. “I almost ruined us. Why didn’t you stay away.”

“It was the crash,” Viktor admitted, wincing at the memory of the next competition that had followed. It was still one of the worst moments of his life, seeing Yuuri sprawled out, unmoving on the ice and the sudden rush of terror that accompanied it. “I crashed into you and I was so scared when I saw you lying there. I was terrified you were hurt, or worse.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Yuuri replied quickly, reaching forward to place his hand on Viktor’s cheek and tilt his face up to look at Yuuri again where it had been downcast. “I promise it wasn’t your fault. I wasn’t paying enough attention, it was my own fault we crashed. I never blamed you for it, not even then.”

“I know you didn’t,” Viktor said, allowing a little rush of relief to flow through him at Yuuri’s words. “But I felt so guilty. I was fine, just a few bruises and stiffness, but you could barely skate. I ruined your performance and the guilt was eating me up. You were so upset and I just wanted to make you smile again.”

“So you invited me out to dinner?” Yuuri asked, now looking a little sceptical.

“I might have panicked a little,” Viktor admitted and Yuuri laughed, the sound a little hoarse and choked off but there all the same. “It was the first thing I could think of.”

“I’m glad you did,” Yuuri reassured, beginning to smile as well. “I didn’t blame you for the crash but I had lost and I still resented you in a way. But then you took me to dinner and told me embarrassing stories about yourself and you laughed and smiled and it made you seem so human. For so long, you were this idea that I had built up in my head and suddenly you were sitting there telling me stories and making me laugh and you were nothing like what I had been imagining for all those years.”

“I felt the same,” Viktor replied, even the thought of the memory making him feel warm. “You told me about your parents, your favourite food. You called me by my name. You smiled with me and you laughed and I think I that was when I started to fall for you again.”

“I could never have admitted it to myself back then,” Yuuri said, looking thoughtful and remorseful at the same time. “But I think even then my feelings for you were changing. I think it was inevitable. I hated you for years when I never really knew you. But as soon as we started to spend time together, I started to see the real you, little by little, and even if I didn’t see it in my own heart, I think I was already starting to fall.”

Viktor could feel his throat tighten at the words and he pushed it down, not wanting to get distracted when they still had so much left to talk about. But hearing Yuuri say that made him so happy and yet melancholy at the same time. They had both begun to fall again there, very gradually but it had started. But it had taken so many more years for them to be where they were now, together at last.

“We talked again at the banquet of the next Grand Prix Final, do you remember?” he said instead, hoping the faster they continued with the story, the faster they would be able to reach the happy ending. “You were so open with me then, more than you had ever been before. You weren’t cold like you used to be, you were so warm instead and that’s when I realised I didn’t want to stay away from you anymore.”

“I remember,” Yuuri nodded. “You always seemed so untouchable to me before but then you were talking to me and telling me things about yourself and suddenly you weren’t so out of reach anymore and I wanted to stay by your side a little longer.”

“You propositioned me,” Viktor recalled, thinking back on the memory. “I still wanted you so badly, even though I knew I shouldn’t. I thought I knew exactly what you wanted me for and that I shouldn’t expect more because you’d made it very clear that wasn’t what you were after. I knew I should stay away but I decided that even if you didn’t want me the same way I wanted you, I’d take what I could get because that was better than nothing.”

Yuuri shook his head, looking disbelieving and Viktor wasn’t sure if it was directed at Yuuri or himself.

“I thought you wanted me to leave,” he told Viktor with another shake of his head. “When we were talking you told me I should get back to the party and I thought you were getting bored with me. I didn’t want to go though, I wanted to spend more time with you. I knew that no matter how insignificant I was to you, there were two ways I had to keep your attention. Winning and…”

He trailed off, gaze flickering away for a minute as he blushed.

“I wanted to keep your eyes on me,” he admitted. “I wanted you and I thought that was the only way I could keep you with me a little while longer. That’s why I asked.”

“How many years do you think we spent thinking the same thing about each other and never realising?” Viktor asked, not sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. It was so ridiculous, that they both thought the other had just wanted them in bed when they both really just wanted each other.

“Too many,” Yuuri replied, looking at Viktor with eyes that were full of sadness. “Far too many.”

“You were different that time,” Viktor remembered, thinking back to the way that Yuuri had kissed him, soft and sweet and gentle. A far cry from the biting kisses and greedy touches of their times before. Breaking past all of Viktor’s defences and reminding him just why he could never seem to stay away and why he would always want so much more. “I guess now I know why.”

“I used to try and tell myself I still felt the same about you as I always had,” Yuuri told him and Viktor could hear the way Yuuri almost seemed to laugh bitterly at himself through the memory. “But I wasn’t even able to convince myself anymore. During that time, you asked me what I thought you were and I didn’t have an answer because everything had already changed.”

Viktor remembered that moment well, cupping Yuuri’s face in his hand and telling the other man he was nothing like Viktor had ever expected. Always full of surprises. Then Yuuri had replied that Viktor was exactly like Yuuri had always known he was and Viktor had decided to try asking one last time. He had been cut off before, told not to talk before and he still didn’t know just what Yuuri thought of him or why Yuuri seemed to hate him so much.

He had asked again because he needed to know. And Yuuri had point blank refused to answer. That had been the final nail in the coffin, the final confirmation that no matter how much he wanted to know, Yuuri was never going to give him a reply. That if he wanted what they had to continue then he had to play by Yuuri’s rule and not talking was the clearest of them all.

“I wanted to know why you hated me,” he told Yuuri and watched as Yuuri’s eyes widened in surprise. “I’d tried to ask so many times before and I knew I had to try again. But you refused to tell me and eventually I resigned myself to never knowing.”

“I didn’t answer you because I didn’t have an answer,” Yuuri replied, voice full of apology and regret. “I wasn’t ready to talk about the past, not then. Even if I’d know exactly what you were asking me, I wouldn’t have told you about how we first met. But you asked me what I thought you were and I couldn’t answer because I didn’t know. For so long I thought I knew exactly who you were, the kind of person you were, and it was easy to hate you because I didn’t know you and that’s who you became in my head. But then I started to get to know you and you were so different to how I’d always seen you before and suddenly I didn’t know who I thought you were anymore.”  

“But you wouldn’t have told me why you hated me, even if I had asked,” Viktor clarified.

“No,” Yuuri replied. “I should have, but I wouldn’t have. I still wasn’t ready to open up about the past, not then at least. But that was the start and it wasn’t long after before I stopped guarding my heart against you”

“It’s a shame,” Viktor sighed, not even able to feel frustration at the revelation and all the opportunities they had missed because all he could feel was a deep kind of sadness. “Because that was when I started guarding mine.”

After that day, he had decided he would take what he could get and stop wishing for more. He had been hurt before by expecting too much and wanting what he had then thought he could never have and to protect himself, he had decided to guard his heart. To accept what they had and let go of the dream of one day having more. 

“You wanted to keep us a secret.” he reminded Yuuri, thinking back on the way Yuuri had told him to wait before leaving the room after they were finished to make sure no-one would see them together. “I thought we were just your dirty little secret and I thought I knew we would never be able to have more. I decided to accept that, take what I could get and make myself content with it.”

 “I’m sorry,” Yuuri replied, voice sincere and looking at Viktor with a complicated mix of emotions on his face, sorrow and remorse standing out the clearest. “I always thought my time with you was limited to moments. I always thought there was no way someone like me would ever be able to have you for good. I thought you were the one who was going to leave me in the end. It took me so long to realise I was the one who was always walking away.

“But you came back,” Viktor reminded him with a smile because even after everything, that was what was important. They might have both messed up a lot over the years but they were still here and now they had a chance to fix it. “You came when I asked. You weren’t only walking away.”

“I came because I didn’t want to stay away,” Yuuri explained, rubbing his finger over Viktor’s knuckles where their hands were still joined as though reminding himself that Viktor was there. The first time Viktor had initiated had been their next competition together, when he had asked Yuuri to his room to see if Yuuri would come. If Viktor was able to at least call some shots in their relationship too or if they were working entirely on Yuuri’s own terms. And Yuuri had come. Yuuri had stayed.

 “The next time, you called for me and I just wanted to be with you. It wasn’t about how you made me feel anymore, it was just about you. I already knew I didn’t ever want to stop so I decided I would keep going for as long as you wanted me in whatever way you asked.”

“I was so relieved when you came, I wasn’t sure you would” Viktor replied, thinking back on the memory. “When you did I thought, if nothing else, at least I had this. That was better than nothing. Then I asked you to stay the night and you agreed and it made me so happy.”

As he said it, he pulled Yuuri closer, wrapping on arm around him so that they were pressed side to side. Everything in him had been such a mess that night, desperately hoping Yuuri would come when he called and doing everything he could to be good enough so that Yuuri would keep coming back. Holding Yuuri in his arms again that night had been more than he could ever had dreamed of and he cherished the memory even now.

“I never want to leave in the first place,” Yuuri told him, pressing them closer together and resting his head on Viktor’s shoulder as he spoke. Viktor could hear the vibrations of his voice through both their bodies as Yuuri let the words come tumbling out. “I always thought you would want me to go when we were finished but I never wanted to leave. All you had to do was ask for me to stay.”

“It seems like there’s a lot of things I could have had if I’d just asked,” Viktor replied, although the comment was more directed at himself than at Yuuri. There had been so many reasons he had kept quiet on so many things and so many of his attempts to ask for things before had been cut off or denied that he had eventually stopped trying. But now, listening to Yuuri’s side of the story, there were things that he thought were clear that weren’t, things Yuuri assumed that were wrong and maybe asking wouldn’t have solved everything but it certainly would have helped.

“I spent a long time just trying to be whatever I thought you wanted me to be to you. I thought that’s how I could make you stay, keep you coming back.” Viktor admitted. He had thought they had been playing the game by Yuuri’s rules and he hadn’t wanted to push too far in case Yuuri decided it was easier to just end it. He was so used to becoming the person people wanted him to be, to the press, to the public, to everyone who wanted Viktor Nikiforov and not just plain old Viktor, so that’s what he had tried to do again.

Yuuri sat up, startled and he forced Viktor to look at him, something bright burning in his eyes as he spoke.

“I don’t want that,” he said firmly. “I never did. I just want you to be Viktor. You never have to be anyone but who you are.”

Viktor swallowed, feeling his love for Yuuri burn brightly in his chest even as he tried to fight back the emotions that were welling in his eyes. For years, people had wanted Viktor Nikiforov but no-one had been interested in just Viktor. Now here Yuuri was, telling Viktor he never had to be anything but what he was. No more pretending or needing to be perfect.

“I love you,” he blurted out and Yuuri only looked startled for a second before he smiled, leaning in to cup Viktor’s cheek in his hand again and press their foreheads together, their breaths mingling in the air between them.

“I love you too,” he said softly, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them and fixing his gaze on Viktor. “I’m just sorry it took so long for me to realise it.”

“When did you realise?” Viktor asked, wanting to bask in the moment but too curious not to ask the question, even with emotions choking his throat.

“Much later than I should have,” Yuuri answered cryptically. “I fell in love slowly, bit by bit the more I came to know you. Especially during the time in Moscow. But I didn’t realise it until later. I was too blinded by myself even though I didn’t hate you anymore. That night, when you asked me to stay, I hadn’t hated you for a long time, even if I hadn’t realised it myself back then.”

Viktor smiled at the mention of Moscow, the memories of the week he and Yuuri spent together still among some of his happiest. It had been bittersweet for him, it was true. Having Yuuri so close and thinking he would never be able to have him for real. But bittersweet or not, there were good memories there all the same. There was one part he was still confused about however.

“If you were falling in love with me in Moscow, why were you staying so far away?” he asked. At Yuuri’s look of confusion he elaborated. “You were so hesitant around me when you were staying with me, in the beginning at least. You kept your distance, you barely touched me. Why?”

“Because I was being an imposition.” Yuuri stated like it was obvious, looking at Viktor in confusion. “You were being nice, offering me a place to stay for the night and I didn’t want to get in your way. After the first night I should have left but I didn’t because I wanted to spend more time with you so badly. I stayed but I didn’t want to do anything that might have made you ask me to leave because I was already being an imposition. You weren’t showing any interest in me, you didn’t touch me either and I wasn’t willing to risk it.”

“Yuuri, you could never be an imposition,” Viktor insisted, baffled at how Yuuri ever could have thought that. “I wanted you to stay for as long as you wanted. I would have been happy if you had stayed forever.”

At that, Yuuri blushed, red creeping into his cheeks and down his neck at Viktor’s words.

“I didn’t touch you because I didn’t want to pressure you,” Viktor added, remembering the first night and the assumption that Yuuri had made. “I didn’t want you to feel like you owed it to me just because I was letting you stay. If I’d known you wanted me too, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands off you.”

“I wanted you,” Yuuri replied. “I think during that week was when I really fell in love with you. You were so kind, you made me laugh and we fit so well together. It didn’t matter what we were doing, I was happy. I loved spending time with you, getting to know you and Makkachin, living together. That’s I realised that the image I had of you in my head was so wrong. That’s when I knew I wanted to cherish all the time we had together because I wanted it so badly to last, even though I thought it never could.”

“It could,” Viktor told him, smiling at Yuuri softly. They might have wasted a lot of time but now they had a second change and he was intending to take full advantage of it. “It still can. I loved having you stay with me, I loved being around you. I got to know you so much better, not just the person I thought you were but who you actually are. That’s when I really fell in love with you all over again.”

“Even though I kept my distance?” Yuuri asked and Viktor nodded.

“Even though you kept your distance in the beginning. And even though you were terrible and stole all my blankets when we were in bed together,” he added, just to watch the way Yuuri’s blush darkened in embarrassment at the statement while he grinned. “I got to know you, the real you. You were kind, generous, intelligent. I never felt as comfortable talking to anyone as I did to you. You made my life brighter just by being in it. Plus Makkachin loved you and he’s a very good judge of character.”

As he was praising Yuuri, Yuuri ducked his head away, embarrassed, but Viktor could still see his smile.

“Anyway, it’s not like you kept your distance forever,” he added, allowing a slightly teasing tone to slip into his voice. “You seduced me again before you left and how could I possibly resist?”

“I just wanted to be with you again,” Yuuri replied, looking back at Viktor with a completely open expression on his face. “I wanted to keep your eyes on me and make you feel good and have you remember me even after I was gone. I knew you understood skating, I knew you would understand what I was trying to say.”

Suddenly his face changed again, becoming unexpectedly serious.

“I’m sorry I never did the same for you,” Yuuri continued, looking ashamed. “I spoke to you through skating and yet you were doing the same to me for years and I missed it.”

“I was,” Viktor confirmed and watched as Yuuri’s gaze dropped, still looking ashamed. “I was never sure if you got the message, not until then. But then you spoke back to me with Eros and I assumed that meant you’d seen and understood what I’d been trying to tell you for years. I thought it meant you knew that I loved you and you didn’t feel the same.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Yuuri replied quickly, sounding distressed but Viktor cut him off before he could go any further.

“I know,” he told Yuuri, trying to put as much reassurance into his voice as he could. “I never should have assumed you did. But you stopped me talking with words before so I never said and then you replied back to me in the only language I had left and I thought the meaning was clear even if it wasn’t.”

“You thought I knew,” Yuuri said, repeating the words with an air of shocked horror as though that was the part he was unable to get over. “All that time, you thought I knew.”

When he turned back to Viktor his face was a mix of emotions, sadness, regret and determination all rolled into one.

“I never did.” he insisted. “Not until today, not in all those years. I didn’t see because I never thought that you might be in love with me.”

“I was,” Viktor replied. “I am. I’ll tell you that every day if you need me to, every morning when we wake up and every night before we go to bed if that’s what it takes. But I love you. You don’t have to doubt that.”

Yuuri nodded, fingers tightening in Viktor’s hand again and leaning in closer, seeking Viktor’s warmth.

“I just wish I’d seen it before,” Yuuri said, sounding remorseful and wistful at the same time. “I missed so much. I was so scared when I was planning to confess to you because I had no idea how you felt or if you were going to reject me and all that time, you’d love me all along.”

“I didn’t exactly try to hide it,” Viktor admitted because he had thought he had been so obvious with every touch and gesture and word. “But I should have made it clearer, I see that now.”

Back then, he had never understood just how deep Yuuri’s self-doubt ran, couldn’t possibly fathom a world where Yuuri had once thought he was the one who wasn’t worthy. But now he knew, he wouldn’t make the same mistakes of the past again. Next time, he’d do better and he’d make it his mission to convince Yuuri of just how amazing he was, of how Viktor was the lucky one to be allowed to have him.

Then another part of what Yuuri said registered in his mind and he sat up straighter as it hit him in full.

“You were planning to confess?” he asked, shock mixing with joy in his heart. Not only had Yuuri loved him, Yuuri had been planning on telling him. That meant more to him than he could ever say.

Yuuri nodded, looking thoughtful as he opened his mouth to speak again.

“It took me a long time to realise I loved you,” he told Viktor. “I was in love with you already, I see that now. But I didn’t know it myself for the longest time. Even before I knew though, I missed you so much when we were apart. During the next competition after Moscow I wanted to spend all of my time with you, I was so happy when we were together. Then I overheard people talking about you retiring and suddenly I was so scared because I realised how little time we might have left.”

Viktor was about to interject and point out that he hadn’t been planning on retiring then but he cut himself off before he could, wanting to let Yuuri speak his fill.

“I didn’t want what we had to end. I wanted to keep seeing you. I wanted more than that. I had for a long time but I was finally starting to realise it. After the Grand Prix I didn’t know what I was feeling so I flew out to the European Championships to see you, just for one night. I didn’t intend for you to ever know I’d been there. I just wanted to see you and try and work out what I was feeling because I missed you so much.”

Viktor remembered that incident, remembered seeing the picture of Yuuri that had appeared on social media and having no idea what Yuuri had been doing there. It wasn’t a competition he was participating in and he had no official reason to be there at all. He hadn’t made Viktor aware of his presence either so Viktor had assumed it hadn’t been to do with him. Apparently, he was wrong.

“I saw you there, you were talking to some other skaters,” Yuuri continued, a little hesitantly this time. “One of them was flirting with you and suddenly I realised I was so jealous, even if I didn’t have any right to be. You weren’t mine but I wanted you to be. I wanted you to only be with me.”

“Yuuri, Viktor said softly, reaching out to take Yuuri’s other hand in his own. “You had no need to be jealous. I told you before, no-one compares to you. They never have. I haven’t been with anyone else since the first day I fell in love with you.”

“You…” Yuuri’s voice cracked on the word and he swallowed, eyes wide. “No-one? For five years?” he asked, voice full of disbelief.

“No-one,” Viktor confirmed. “I never had any interest in anyone else, not after you. No-one else could ever compare.”

Yuuri stared at him for a minute, mouth hanging open slightly. Then he swallowed, swiping at his eyes quickly and taking a deep breath before smiling, a little shaky but beautiful all the same.

“I feel the same about you,” he said and Viktor felt his heart soar at the words. It was one thing to know that he was Yuuri’s one and only, it was another to hear the reason and know just how mutual the feeling was. They had both been faithful to each other for years, even when they had no real relationship or commitment to each other and no requirement to be.

“Was that when you realised you loved me?” Viktor asked and Yuuri shook his head, clearing his throat and pulling himself back into the story.

“It was soon after,” he explained. “It was your rink-mate who made me realise actually. Yuri Plisetsky. He cornered me in a corridor, told me to stop messing you around and that he hoped I loved you but if I didn’t I better leave you alone.”

The ‘or else’ hung in the air between them and Viktor couldn’t help but smile a little at that. It sounded very Yuri.

“Yuri Plisetsky huh,” he mused, making a mental note to thank the other skater later. He could imagine what had prompted it. During that competition, Yuri had lashed out at him, pointed out his lack of a relationship with Yuuri and then seemed remorseful over it once the words were already said. He was too proud to apologise outright but it seemed he must have found a different way to apologise after all.

It made sense too, from what Viktor knew of him. Yuri had admired Yuuri for years, much as he refused to ever admit it. He had never wanted to believe the rumours about his idol, the slander that branded Yuuri a manipulator and a cheat, using underhand tactics to get what he wanted. If Yuuri loved Viktor, like Viktor knew he did, those rumours would definitively be proven false.

Simple logic but Viktor had a feeling that he was right about the other skater’s motives. Yuri would never admit it, not in a million years but he wanted to believe the best of Yuuri and to prove that belief was true. He might be blunt and crass and his tongue might be sharper than most but ultimately deep down, his heart was in the right place.

“I think I would have realised it on my own soon enough,” Yuuri mused, startling Viktor out of his thoughts suddenly. “It had been coming for a long time. But that was the moment when I finally figured it out. That I was in love with you.”

“And then…” Viktor started but trailed off, throat growing tight all of a sudden. They had finally reached the part he wished beyond all others that he could erase.

“I was planning on telling you.” Yuuri told him, looking nervous all of a sudden. He was clearly not looking forward to this part either. “I knew I had to confess, now that I knew. I didn’t realise you felt the same but I hoped we might have a chance. In my head, I could see you clearly didn’t hate me anymore and you felt affection towards me at least. I hoped you might be willing to try for something more.”

“I was planning on confessing to you too,” Viktor admitted, watching as Yuuri jolted in surprise at his words. “By then I thought you knew how I felt, I thought you didn’t love me but I had to be sure. We were so happy together, we were practically in a relationship as it was. I was going to ask you to watch me skate my routine and watch closely because it was for you. That was my confession. I wanted to try asking one last time. Then I ruined everything.”

There was silence for a moment, the two of them simply breathing together and remembering, Viktor full of remorse and regret. Then Yuuri spoke again.

“What you did hurt me, I wont try and deny it,” he said but his voice was soft and there was no anger in his tone. “It took me a long time to get over it. There was a time I thought I never would and a time I thought I was never going to come back to skating again. I couldn’t bear to see you or talk to you for the longest time because I loved you but it still hurt and I wasn’t ready. But eventually, I came back.”

“Yuuri, I’ll never be able to express just how sorry I am,” Viktor replied, feeling his voice catch on the words and putting every ounce of honesty he had into them. “I made a mistake, it was my fault and I accept that and all the blame that comes with it. But I was trying to protect you, I promise. I never meant for what happened to happen. I saw you with those pills and I panicked.”

He swallowed heavily, forcing himself to remember no matter how much it hurt and continued.

“I wanted so badly to be wrong but you didn’t correct me when I asked and I assumed the worst. I’ve seen it happen to people before, good people who ruin everything over a desperate mistake. I didn’t know why you were taking them but I knew you were better than that, you didn’t need them, and I wanted to stop you before you ruined your own life with one stupid mistake. I couldn’t watch you do that to yourself. I thought if I stopped you, there was still time for us to fix it.”

The words felt raw coming out of his throat but he pressed on, needing to say them. No matter how good his intentions had been, he had been so wrong and it had almost cost them both everything.

“I was wrong,” he continued. “I never should have made that assumption. I never should have done what I did. I’ll do anything I need to to apologise and fix it, I swear to you I will. But I promise, I thought I was doing the right thing to protect you. I never meant to hurt you. Hurting you hurt me more than you’ll ever know.”

“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me,” Yuuri told him and his voice was quiet and a little sad but strong all the same. “It wasn’t your fault that the information got out. You didn’t even report me to the ISU did you?”

Viktor shook his head quickly, feeling his heart clench a little in his chest. It had still been his fault, he had been the one to start the whole thing and it had been his coach who had done the reporting but that had never been what he wanted or his own intention.

“The fact you thought that of me hurt me,” Yuuri continued and Viktor flinched a little but forced himself not to speak. He deserved that and more. “I know you had your reasons but it still hurt. But I can see that you thought you were doing the right thing, for me.”

“Please believe me when I say, it wasn’t a lack of faith in you that made me think what I did,” Viktor hurried to say. He hadn’t jumped to the conclusion because he assumed Yuuri was a cheat at heart or had been cheating for years, he had always known that wasn’t true. “I know I can never excuse it and I won’t try to. The fault is still mine. But at first, I panicked based on just what I saw. Then, after you didn’t correct me, I thought what I had first believed must have been true but that something must have pushed you into it, forced you or made you desperate. I understand why you said nothing and didn’t defend yourself now but back then I didn’t. I thought, if it were true, it must just be one mistake and I could make you see sense and fix things before it was too late because you’d never need something like that to win. You’d already proved yourself to me and the rest of the world a thousand times over.”

For a second Yuuri was silent and then he finally nodded.

“I believe you,” he replied and Viktor let out a shuddering sigh of relief at the words.

“I’m not trying to excuse what I did,” he added. He wanted Yuuri to understand his reasons but he still knew where the full blame for that entire incident lay and it was directly across his shoulders. “The blame is on me. I’m so sorry. I’ll do whatever you need me to do to make amends.”

“You don’t need to do anything else,” Yuuri told him and Viktor jerked in surprise, looking at him with confusion on his face and waiting for Yuuri to explain.

“I’ve already forgiven you,” Yuuri added and when Viktor opened his mouth to speak again Yuuri cut him off, reaching up a hand to cup Viktor’s face again as he did so. “Viktor please, let me finish.”

Viktor couldn’t help but lean into the touch, revelling in the feeling of Yuuri’s hand on his cheeks and he nodded, waiting.

“It took me a long time,” Yuuri went on. “But I had nine months to think things over and recover. I needed space and I needed time but during that time I came to realise a lot of important things. I still loved you, even after what happened. The worst of it wasn’t your fault, even if you blame yourself. You might have started it but everything else was out of your control. You tried to apologise to me the minute it happened and I was the one who walked away. I don’t regret doing that, I needed to, but I know that you tried.”

Viktor could remember the feeling of running, desperately trying to reach Yuuri before he was gone for good. The devastation when he missed his chance. All the calls he had left on Yuuri’s phone before the number had been blocked and all the times that he had tried since then. The messages he left with Yuuri’s friend and his coach, every way that he had tried to get through before accepting that he couldn’t force an apology onto Yuuri when Yuuri so clearly didn’t want to hear it or see him.

“I was hurting a lot in the beginning,” Yuuri continued. “I didn’t want to see you. I didn’t want to speak with you. I knew you were sorry but I didn’t want to hear your apologies. I needed time and space to heal and I got them. And gradually, the longer I spent away the more I realised that I didn’t want to live a life without you in it.”

Viktor felt his heart lurch in his chest but he kept his silence. This was Yuuri’s time to speak and he wouldn’t interrupt until Yuuri was done.

“I forgave you,” Yuuri said and Viktor could hear the truth of the words. “And I chose you. I chose to come back, I chose you because even though we both made a mess of everything, I knew we could have something good together and I wanted to try again. You were worth it. What we had was worth taking that chance. I wanted to be with you if you were still willing because you might have made mistakes but I did too. You’ve forgiven me for mine. Let me forgive you for yours.”

“But I hurt you so badly,” Viktor insisted because he didn’t want Yuuri to let him off the hook just because he felt obligated to. He was willing to do whatever it took to fix things, he didn’t want to get away so easily unless Yuuri was sure that was what he wanted.

“I hurt you too,” Yuuri pointed out. “For years. You hurt me with what you did, yes, and I needed a lot of time to get over it but you apologised for it over and over again and you never meant to hurt me. I know you didn’t. It took me nine months to be ready to hear you say it but now I am and I’ve forgiven you.”

There was a pause as Yuuri’s eyes dropped, his demeanour changing before he spoke again.

“I wasn’t even sure if you’d let me come back when I was finally ready to try again,” he admitted, voice quieter now. “I would never have blamed you if you had decided to move on instead. I was planning to ask you if we could try again, although you got there first, but if you’d decided to tell me no and not to come back I’d have understood. I took so long and I left you waiting all that time without a word. I wasn’t doing it to hurt you, I promise you that, but I did it all the same. I’m sorry I left you waiting for so long.”

“I don’t blame you for that time, not in the slightest,” Viktor insisted. Those nine months without a word had hurt but he had deserved that hurt. He could count it as his penitence for what he had done. Yuuri had needed time to heal, wasn’t ready to see him again and Viktor would never begrudge him that. “And if you’d chosen not to come back, I’d never have blamed you for that either. But I’m so glad that you did.”

“I’m so happy that we gave each other another chance,” Yuuri murmured, a look of happiness clear on his face even amidst the myriad of other emotions still lurking there

 “So am I,” Viktor replied and he meant it. There were so many times the world could have pulled them apart and yet they kept coming back together and choosing each other over and over again. He had made so many mistakes but Yuuri was giving him the chance to fix them and he’d never stop being grateful for that. “When you pointed at me today and I realised what you meant, that was the happiest moment of my life.”

“When you kissed me, that was mine,” Yuuri confessed, a smile creeping back onto his face even if his eyes were a little bright. “For so long, I thought I loved you more than you could possibly love me. I was finally willing to try again anyway, to put my heart back on the line because what we had was worth it and I was willing to fight for it. But even then, I still didn’t know how you felt about me. Then I saw you skating your routine and I realised I had been wrong all along. I was the one always walking away. I was the one who hadn’t been listening. You loved me and I’d never known.”

“You know now,” Viktor reminded him, knowing the happiness in his heart was clear on his face. “That’s what matters.”

“I could have saved us so many years if I’d realised earlier though,” Yuuri replied and the remorse was back in his tone, mourning for all the time they had lost. “I hurt you and I kept hurting you, over and over again because I didn’t see, even when I should have. I made you treat what we had like something to hide and that was wrong. When I realised how you felt, I knew I never wanted it to be like that again. I wanted the whole world to know just how much I loved you.”

“I think we were both pretty successful in doing that,” Viktor pointed out with a smile and Yuuri laughed, the sound a little watery but there all the same. When he had seen Yuuri declare his feelings in front of the whole world he had been so happy he thought his heart might burst from it.

“Sometimes I look at you and still can’t believe that this is really happening,” Yuuri admitted after a few seconds of silence as the two of them simply basked in the feeling of each other and there was a kind of awe in his voice as he spoke. “It still feels almost like a dream.”

“I know how you feel,” Viktor agreed. Everything still felt a little surreal, everything he had wanted coming true at once and so suddenly and unexpectedly after he had already accepted they likely never would and was bracing himself to accept that. He felt like the luckiest man in the world, privileged to be by Yuuri’s side. “But it’s real.”

For a second they just gazed at each other, enjoying the feeling of just being together but after a little while Yuuri’s eyes dropped slightly and he bit his lip, swallowing quickly before he spoke again.

“I’m so happy that this is real,” he said, voice quieter now but suddenly more serious. “But I don’t want us to end up making the same mistakes all over again. I got so caught up in my own head that there was so much I didn’t see. I let my own doubt hurt us both. I know that now and I’ll do everything I can to try and make sure it doesn’t happen again. But…sometimes you need to tell me things or remind me of them, even if you think that it’s already obvious. I know you thought it was clear that you loved me but I never knew. Sometimes you just need to say, don’t assume.”

 “I wont, not again,” Viktor replied and Yuuri looked back at him, a small smile back on his face, more hesitant this time but still there. Viktor could read the nerves in Yuuri’s voice but he agreed completely with what Yuuri said. He knew his own assumptions about Yuuri, not just about if Yuuri knew about his love but earlier assumptions about Yuuri himself, had undermined so much between them and he wasn’t going to make that same mistake twice. “No more assumptions. I promise you that but will you promise me something in return?”

“Anything,” Yuuri told him, sounding completely genuine.

“Promise me that you’ll do the same,” Viktor asked and watched as Yuuri nodded without hesitation. “Don’t just assume how I feel, or what I want. Please just ask me instead. Will you promise me that?”

“I promise,” Yuuri replied, voice strong. Then it dropped a little and his gaze dropped with it, looking unsure of himself again. “I promise I’ll try at least. But I might mess up, I can’t promise that I’ll never make another a mistake again.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” Viktor clarified because that hadn’t been what he meant when he asked. They were going to try again but he was under no delusion that it would be easy. They had years of mistakes behind them and there would surely be more mistakes to come. But they would face them together, they would work through them together and they would do better this time. “I can’t promise you that either, I’m a long way from perfect and I’ll surely make mistakes too. But we can both try.”

“I can definitely promise that,” Yuuri said and his smile was back again. “I want to make this work between us. More than anything.”

As he spoke they shifted closer together again, until Viktor could feel the heat of Yuuri’s body pressed against his side.

“So do I,” Viktor agree, then continued. If they were going to try again and not make the same mistakes in assuming things about each other and their relationship they might as well start as they wanted to continue. “For the sake of not making assumptions about each other again then, what is this to you? What do you want us to be?”

As he spoke he motioned between them. He knew what he wanted and he was pretty sure he knew what Yuuri did too but if they were going to try being together they needed to be clear on exactly what that meant before they began.

“I want us to be together,” Yuuri replied without hesitation. “Properly this time. A real relationship. Committed, not casual. I want us to be a proper couple, if that’s what you want too.”

“I do,” Viktor agree, feeling happiness flood through him at the words. It was what he had wanted for years and finally they could be what he had always dreamt of. It wouldn’t be easy, he knew that. There were still things that needed solving between them and they would both surely make mistakes and mess up at some point or another. He wasn’t under any delusion that suddenly things would work out perfectly between them. But he was determined to make it work and he knew that Yuuri was too, whatever obstacles might lie in their future. They would face those challenges together.

“I think I should start by finally asking you on an official date then,” Viktor offered with a grin, holding out his hand and watching as Yuuri took it. They might have done everything backwards but this was a chance to start again and do it right.

“I’d like that,” Yuuri agreed, then added with a teasing smile. “But I’m going to get there first. Viktor, will you be my date to the banquet?”

“Of course,” Viktor agreed, beaming back. The banquet was surely going to be a messy affair, filled with questions and curious looks and so many eyes on them. But with Yuuri there with him, none of that would matter. “I was already hoping you would save at least one dance for me.”

“You can have them all,” Yuuri told him, eyes full of warmth. Then he looked considering for a moment before speaking again.

“I’m sorry again Viktor,” he added, a now familiar look of remorse flickering in his eyes. “For that first time we danced and the things I said. For what happened after. For every time I hurt you over the years and never realised. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you.”

“You don’t need to,” Viktor insisted. “Just like you said I didn’t need to. We both made our mistakes. You apologised and I’ve forgiven you, that’s enough. I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life feeling like you owe me.”

Yuuri looked hesitant for a second but then he nodded.

“Ok,” he agreed. “As long as you do the same. I don’t want to just forget what happened, it’s important that we remember. But I don’t want you to feel like you owe me for anything that happened before either. We’ve already spent too long being held back by the past.”

“We don’t need to forget,” Viktor agreed. It was important they never did because there was so much to be learned from the mistakes they had already made. But they could move on. “But we can think of this as a clean slate. A second chance. An opportunity to do it right this time.”

“I like the sound of that,” Yuuri nodded. Viktor looked at him but suddenly his eye was caught by the clock on the nightstand behind Yuuri and the numbers that were flashing on the screen.

“It’s getting late, we should start to get ready,” he pointed out, motioning to the clock and watching as Yuuri turned to look before nodding in agreement. “Is there anything else we need to talk about now before we do?”

He was under no delusion that they had managed to solve everything in a single conversation. There was still plenty more to discuss and it would take a long time to talk about it all. But they had covered the most essential parts, cleared up the worst of the misunderstandings in their relationship and laid the groundwork for them to start again afresh. They rest would take time but at least now they had somewhere to begin.

“Just one more thing,” Yuuri asked, a curious note in his voice. “Something I’ve been wondering about for a while now. When we were in Moscow, you called me something in Russian, just before I went to sleep. What was it? What did it mean?”

“Solnyshko,” Viktor replied, startled at the unexpected question. He was surprised that Yuuri remembered it, the other man had been tired then after all and he hadn’t questioned the word at the time but it seemed fitting that he would ask about it now. The word had always suited Yuuri after all. He had always been like the sun to Viktor, bring light and life and love into his world. Burning hot and painful even if that still didn’t stop Viktor from reaching out to touch. He was still like the sun now, as bright as a star and beautiful in every way, filling Viktor with warmth and making him want to keep watching forever.

“Solnyshko, that’s what I called you. It’s an affectionate word for sun.” he explained and watched as Yuuri’s eyes widened. “You’re the light of my life. The love of my life.”

For a second, Yuuri did nothing but stare at him. Then, before Viktor even had time to think, Yuuri was grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling him forwards into an all-consuming kiss, hot lips pressing against Viktor’s own and stealing his breath away. It took a second for Viktor to be able to think well enough to respond but when he did he pulled Yuuri closer to him, winding his hands into the other man’s hair and kissing back with everything in him.

After a while they broke apart, both breathing heavily. Yuuri’s fingers were still wrapped tightly in his shirt and he kept Viktor close, expression open and happier than Viktor had ever seen him before. Yuuri’s eyes were sparkling in the light of the room and he smiled at Viktor again as he spoke, words soft and full of joy.

“And you’re mine.”

Dancing with Yuuri at the banquet was better than Viktor had ever dreamed it would be. It was nothing like their first time dancing together, with Yuuri eyeing him up like a rival and Viktor so nervous at finally being so close. Instead it was easy, comfortable, everything he had ever dreamed of.

With Yuuri there, he could barely remember a time when banquets used to be boring. Yuuri was a beacon of light and laugher, spinning him across the room as Viktor beamed back.

“Everyone is staring at us,” Yuuri whispered to him when the music slowed down for a moment, pulling Viktor in close.

“Let them stare,” Viktor replied, glancing around at the people surrounding them and the other couples on the dance floor. It was true, most eyes were turned their way, some people trying to glance surreptitiously out of the corner of their eyes and other’s just blatantly staring. On one side of the hall, Chris was giving him a suggestive wink, handing another glass of champagne over to Phichit Chulanont who was flashing Yuuri an enthusiastic thumbs up and grinning. “I want them all to see.”

“So do I,” Yuuri agreed.

The music picked up a little again and he spun Yuuri around, catching the other man in his arms when the turn was complete. Together they made their way across the dance floor, weaving in and out of other couples as they moved to the music, both perfectly in time with each other.

“Yuuri, I have an important question to ask,” Viktor asked after another few minutes of dancing and Yuuri nodded, motioning for him to go on.”

“What’s your favourite colour?” he asked, trying to not laugh at the sudden confused expression that spread across Yuuri’s face at the seemingly random question.

“What has that got to do with anything?” Yuuri replied, staring at Viktor suspiciously as they moved together to the music.

“Well, this is our first official date,” Viktor explained, smiling at the look of fond exasperation Yuuri shot him. “Isn’t that what couples do on their first date. Get to know each other?”

“We already know each other,” Yuuri pointed out but there was a smile creeping onto his face as he said it.

“We do,” Viktor conceded. “But I want to learn everything about you.”

“Even my favourite colour?” Yuuri asked, raising his eyebrow as they weaved around another couple on the dance floor.

“Every little helps,” Viktor joked, watching the amusement on Yuuri’s face at his light-hearted tone and loving the expression.

“It’s blue,” Yuuri finally replied, switching their positions effortlessly so that his hand was the one on top of Viktor’s and he was the one leading the dance again. “Yours?”

“Gold of course,” Viktor replied with a wink and watched as Yuuri barked out a laugh, rolling his eyes as he did so.

“Of course,” he repeated with a grin. “What about your favourite animal then, if we’re going to start playing questions?”

“Dogs,” Viktor replied instantly, watching as Yuuri nodded in approval. “Really Yuuri, did you even have to ask me that one?”

“Maybe I just wanted to make sure,” Yuuri said with a teasing note dancing in his voice as he guided Viktor around the room as they moved together. “If you’d said anything else I might have started to have second thoughts.”

“Lucky for you then, that I had the right answer then,” Viktor shot back and Yuuri laughed, the sound low and quiet but happy all the same.

“My turn,” Viktor added, pretending to think for a minute before catching Yuuri in a dip, sweeping him down and almost of his feet unexpectedly as Yuuri made a noise of surprise and clung onto his arm for support. “Favourite sex position?”

Yuuri spluttered and turned bright red at that, nearly slipping and falling over but still being held securely in Viktor’s arms. Viktor just grinned at him, enjoying the way Yuuri’s blush spread over his cheekbones, up over his ears and down his neck.

“Viktor,” he hissed, glancing around the room at where the other couples were still dancing. Viktor had spoken quietly enough that he was sure no-one else had heard them in the chatter of the room but Yuuri’s blush didn’t lessen in the slightest.

“What?” Viktor exclaimed, keeping his voice quiet but teasing all the same. “I just want to know how best to please you the way that you deserve.”

“Well, it’s not like I have a particularly wide range of experiences to choose from,” Yuuri shot, wrapping his arm lightly around Viktor’s neck and pulling himself out of the dip so that their faces were level again, raising his eyebrow in a light-hearted challenge.

“Well then, I’ll just have to make it my mission for us to try as many different things as possible so that you can form a fully educated opinion,” Viktor replied, allowing his voice to become as low and seductive as possible while still keeping the teasing tone alight within it.

Yuuri’s eyes darkened at the words, pupils expanding and before Viktor had the chance to react he flipped their positions, sweeping Viktor off his feet and down into a dip in his place. Viktor felt his stomach swoop at the sensation and heat pool in his gut at the sight of Yuuri leaning over him, smirking slightly.

“Is that a promise?” Yuuri asked, something more than just teasing glinting in his eyes.

“Definitely,” Viktor agreed wholeheartedly, allowing Yuuri to pull him upright again and back into their dance. They didn’t need to rush, they both knew that. But it was a promise for the future that he was definitely intending to fulfil.

Eventually the song changed again to something much slower and he pulled Yuuri close, allowing them to simply sway to the beat of the music as they were pressed together instead of the more energetic moves they had been performing before.

“We should go dancing again sometime,” he mused, enjoying the feeling of holding Yuuri and being held in return. It still seemed a little unreal to him, that after everything that had happened and after so long, finally they were here. It was better than any kind of dream.

“We will,” Yuuri replied, arms tightening around Viktor and pulling him impossibly closer. “We have the rest of our lives after all.”

That night they lay curled up in bed together, wrapped in each other’s embrace. Viktor had his head pressed into the curve of Yuuri’s shoulder, curling himself up tightly and allowing himself to be held in Yuuri’s arms. After so long apart, it felt safe and comforting and he buried himself deeper into the feeling, pulling Yuuri closer and holding on.

As he did so he slipped one of his hands around Yuuri’s waist, under his t-shirt to caress the smooth skin he found beneath it, tracing lazy circles on Yuuri’s hip as they lay together. Yuuri’s own fingers were carding through his hair and dancing lightly across the bare skin of his back where Viktor had decided to forego a shirt for the night. 

It was lazy and intimate and perfect. Neither of them were in any rush to go further, that could wait for another night. First, he wanted to take the time to get to know Yuuri like this, to simply hold him close and know that Yuuri wanted nothing more than to be close to him too.

Reaching up, he pressed a light kiss to Yuuri’s lips, hearing the soft noise of surprise Yuuri made at the unexpected movement before he leaned down to kiss back.

Yuuri smiled against his lips and was still smiling when they pulled away, Viktor settling his head back onto Yuuri’s shoulder, the only sound in the room the quiet of their breathing. He basked in the warmth of Yuuri’s body, enjoying the feeling of finally having him close again.

At some point, Yuuri would have to leave, he knew that. Both of them had insisted to their coaches that they were going to take as much time in Barcelona as they could together, spending time getting to know one another all over again. Viktor had so much he wanted to do. He wanted to take Yuuri sightseeing in the morning and out on dates at night and everything that they could do now that they were a real couple. He wanted to kiss Yuuri and hold him every minute of every day and never let him go. But the respective Nationals for both of them were looming and eventually they would have to part, him back to Russia and Yuuri back to Detroit.

They would make it work though, in the time that they were separated. Long distance relationships weren’t ideal but after everything that had happened, moving too fast and moving in together straight away would be a mistake and they both knew it. Better to take their time and do it right.

First, he would court Yuuri properly, in the way he wished he had a long time ago. They would visit whenever they could, they had promised each other that, and talk every day. It might not be easy but they had overcome much worse obstacles in the past than simple distance. Hopefully they would move in together when their relationship was more established and their lives and careers allowed it. And one day, if Yuuri was willing and when the time was right, Viktor would ask him the question he had been dreaming about for years. He still wanted to spend the rest of his life with Yuuri after all.

As he was thinking, he felt Yuuri yawn above him and unconsciously he did the same, feeling the exhaustion from the day beginning to weigh him down. Both of them were tired, it had been a long day after all and draining, both physically and emotionally. Viktor was almost ready to drift off into sleep in Yuuri’s arms when Yuuri spoke again, voice soft in the quiet of the room.

“Do you think we’d still have ended up here,” he asked unexpectedly, looking down at Viktor with his hands still tracing lines onto Viktor’s back. “If we’d never met like we did. If it hadn’t happened like that. If you’d never broken my heart?”

Viktor paused, thinking for a moment. It was true that that was the incident that had first set them on a path that had changed the course of their entire lives. He didn’t know what might have happened if it had never come to pass. If without that, they would have still kept finding each other, still had the same chances to fall in love in completely different and unknown circumstances. But he liked to think that they would have.

“Yes,” he replied after a moment of silence, looking up at Yuuri and seeing the smile on his face and the love in his eyes. “I think we would have.

“I think so too,” Yuuri agreed, voice still soft but laced with happiness. “I like to think that no matter how we began, we’d still somehow have found our way to each other in the end.”

Viktor hummed his agreement, pressing a soft kiss to Yuuri’s shoulder and settling his head back in place, closing his eyes and feeling as Yuuri relaxed beside him.

“I think we’d always have ended up here,” he murmured, feeling perfectly safe in Yuuri’s arms and so happy his heart was overflowing with it, too full of love for one person to contain it all. “We just would have had a very different story.”

There have been plenty of famous rivalries in the history of sports, from single players to whole teams, bitter hatred to friendly competition. But of all the rivalries in the world of sports over the years, perhaps none has become so legendary as that of Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov and his rival, Japanese Yuuri Katsuki.

Perhaps it is because their story is so mysterious, intriguing to the public and had such an unexpected ending that has given it such fame. For years, the two of them were unparalleled in the world of competitive men’s figure skating, their skill and intense rivalry with each other turning them into household names. Their desire to beat each other seemed to be unmatched and the pair were also previously notorious for a perceived hatred of each other, something often claimed by media and their fans alike.

Because of this, it came as a shock to the world when their true feelings for each other were revealed. The announcement that they were not just rivals but also a couple sparked endless debate and intense curiosity and the hype has barely died down in the year since the reveal was first made.

When meeting the two of them for the first time, I didn’t know what to expect. When they walked into the room where I was waiting they were smiling at each other and holding hands, the picture of a perfect couple. They greeted me as they sat down, each shaking my hand and settling themselves onto the sofa together, waiting for me to begin.

At first, I will admit, I was a little tongue-tied. Together they make up probably the most decorated athletic couple in history and both are famous in their own right, outside of their relationship with the other. But during the course of the interview, both proved themselves very down-to-earth and easy to talk to, Viktor cheerful and outgoing while Yuuri was quieter but confident at the same time, keeping me hanging on his every word.

‘I suppose you’ll want to know about these,’ Viktor asked with a laugh after the cursory questions about their wellbeing and journey were over, flashing his right hand where a gold ring was gleaming. The pair to it sat on Yuuri’s right ring finger and I noticed the way he smiled as Viktor spoke, touching the ring surreptitiously on his own hand.

Although the statement was rather to the point, Viktor was correct in thinking that it was one of the most pressing questions burning in my mind ever since the interview had been arranged. In the wake of his announcement over Instagram of their engagement, the subject been all anyone has been able to talk about but very few actual details about the situation are known. When asked who proposed he laughed again, looking affectionately at his fiancé. ‘Yuuri did’ he told me. ‘He beat me to it.’

While news of their engagement broke only a few weeks ago, rumours had been flying for a long time. In the wake of Yuuri’s move to St Petersburg from his home rink of Detroit before the start of the most recent figure skating season, the announcement was not unexpected. When asked about the decision for the move to Russia after a year of living apart, Yuuri simply replied that ‘it was time’.

‘Viktor and I had officially been a couple for nearly a year and we’ve been talking about moving in together for a long time now,’ he elaborated when I questioned him further. ‘My rink-mate Phichit Chulanont had been wanting to move back to his home in Thailand for a while now and my former coach Celestino and I mutually agreed that he should go with Phichit and I would move in with Viktor.’

That is another point that has sparked great debate in the skating community, Yuuri’s new choice of coach after finally breaking ties with Celestino Cialdini after a successful eight year long professional relationship. Finally moving in with his partner, now fiancé, was not an unexpected move by Yuuri but taking Viktor on as his coach as well certainly was. Being romantically involved yet also competitors already caused some speculation but to add coach and student to that mix certainly raised a few eyebrows in the more vocal parts of the skating community.

It clearly hasn’t impacted on either of their performances however, both of them taking spots on the podium during the latest Grand Prix Final to the delight of many. When asked about how he is dealing with the new responsibility, Viktor just waved the question away. ‘It’s an honour to coach Yuuri’ he insisted. ‘We keep our home lives and our professional lives as separate as we can so it doesn’t impact our personal relationship much. He’s an incredible skater, one I would be honoured to coach even if we weren’t together.’

Viktor is certainly a man of many talents, both a skater, coach and choreographer at the same time. But at twenty-nine, rumours of his retirement from competitive skating have been circulating for years and there is rampant speculation as to when he will eventually leave the ice for good and what his plans might be for the future. ‘This will probably be my last season’ he admitted to me, looking a little rueful when I asked. ‘After I retire I’ll continue to coach Yuuri, we’ve both agreed on that. He still owes me some more gold medals after all.’

At this, Yuuri rolled his eyes good-naturedly and I felt there may be more to the statement than met the eye. I decided not to ask however and instead turned to Yuuri. Throughout the years of their supposed rivalry, he was the one who had to work his way up the ranks to knock an already established Viktor off the top spot of the podium, something he has now achieved many times over. When asked about how it feels to still be competitors now that they are also a couple he just shrugged. ‘We make each other better’ he explained. ‘As long as we both skate the way we love the best, we’re happy. It doesn’t matter who wins.’

‘Plus, it’s not like we really need to compete for gold anymore,’ Viktor chipped in with a smile, flashing me the gold ring on his hand again. Since their engagement announcement a few weeks ago, the rings have appeared in almost every photograph on social media he has posted and it’s clear he is proud to show them off at every opportunity. None can blame him, it seems like they have both found the perfect fairy-tale ending to a very complicated love story.

In preparation for the interview, I watched as many old videos of the two of them as I could get my hands on, trying to understand more about the context of their lives together over the years. It seemed strange to look at them sitting happily together now and remember the infamous old clips of Yuuri glaring at Viktor when they were together on the podium or the kiss that shocked the world. For all intents and purposes, they now seemed like a completely average couple in love but their story is far from normal. While more of their history together has been revealed over the past year since the first announcement of their relationship, much of how they grew from rivals into lovers is still shrouded in mystery.

The question of how they originally got together seemed to amuse them both and Yuuri smiled while Viktor laughed. They were still holding hands where they were sitting together and Yuuri rubbed his finger absentmindedly over Viktor’s ring as he did so, expression becoming thoughtful at the question. However, Viktor was the one who answered, as cryptic as ever.

‘Well,’ he smiled, talking to me but still looking at Yuuri. ‘It’s kind of a long story.’

End of Part 2