Archive of Our Own ^beta

Keith’s hand initiated the sensor of the hand sanitizer, the light beep sounded throughout the empty halls and squirted some of the white, fluffy, substance onto his hand. The alcoholic smell of it rushed up into his nose as he rubbed his hands together. 

He made his way down the hall, his shoes echoing with every step. It was late in the afternoon. Recovering patients sleeping after getting their daily treatment, or new patients coming in with worried family. 

It was nothing new.

He waved at the receptionists who were clearly tired, bags heavy and purple underneath their eyes whose flames were dying down. They were all slouching down and some rubbing their temples from headaches. 

Keith knew that feeling all too well.

Keith entered an elevator, pressed a button, and waited as the lift rose upwards into the maxillofacial department where Shiro and Allura had just finished a two hour surgery where a patient’s disc in their jaw had become dislocated. Because of that, their jaw movements hindered and they would feel pain. 

He entered the lobby and was able to use his badge to enter the little break area that were for surgeons who had done surgery and were resting.

There, he saw Shiro and Allura lightly snoozing on hard chairs. Shiro was wearing his signature black scrubs and Allura her pink ones. Allura’s head was resting on Shiro’s shoulder in a way that was uncomfortable that would result in neck pain. 

Keith smiled down at them before lightly knocking on the door. The two woke up, Allura wiped drool from the side of her lip that wasn’t even there, and Shiro combed his fingers through his wild hair. 

“How’d it go?” Keith asked, his voice soft and tired. Allura rubbed her eyes and sighed before nodding. 

“Went well,” Shiro answered. “They can’t eat solids though, pure liquids. Face is swollen, stitches in tact, and staples clean.” 

“Shaved their side?” Keith questioned.

Allura laughed humorlessly at that, “Yes. I did it. Female patient. Shiro would know nothing about what women want.” 

Shiro nodded, “That’s true.”

Keith smiled at their playful banter. Keith took a deep inhale in and deep exhale out. 

“How’re you and Adam?” Keith found himself asking. Shiro’s face lit up at the mention of his boyfriend’s name.

”I picked out a ring.”

”No you did not!”

”I did!”

Keith’s mouth was agape and he quickly enveloped Shiro in a tight hug. “That’s great man.” 

Shiro squeezed back, “Thank you.” Allura congratulated him as well.

Once they broke free, he and Allura made it clear that they were off to check up on the patient and give the patient’s family details and information about care. 

Keith exited the department and headed over to pediatrics. After exiting the elevator, he made his way to Lance’s office. The stethoscope around his neck bouncing with every step and his pager silent against his thigh.

Keith gently knocked his knuckles against the wooden door of Lance’s office. 

“Come in!” Lance’s voice rang out. Keith opened the door then closed it once he was in. He took a seat in front of the desk where Lance was sitting at. 

“How was work today?” Keith asked, sincerity lacing his voice. 

It was no secret that he and Lance had a thing back in the past. They dated all throughout high school and half of college, before breaking up due to medical school and residency. Their relationship was as best a relationship can be, but sometimes, life gets in the way and changes things for better or for worse. In Keith’s case, for the worse. 

It was a crumbling relationship Keith was yelling code blue for, but to no avail, it flatlined. 

He found himself sometimes missing Lance. Missing the times when they’d cuddle in bed, Lance comforting him when Keith had failed a test, or when Keith’s family problems became too great. Missing the times when they’d secretly give each other kisses before class and after class, or the impromptu make out session behind the bleachers or in the restrooms. He missed when he and Lance would go to McDonald’s late at night when they were both bored out of their minds and starving that it felt like their stomachs were eating them from the inside.

Most of all, he missed his lips against his. 

Their past relationship could and would never be revived. 

Lance was now happy with a paramedic named Ryan Kinkade. He was tall, muscular, handsome, intelligent; something Keith knew he wasn’t. But, Keith has happy for them, happy for Lance. 

“Fine. Vaccinating kids are always the hardest,” Lance replied with a slight frown. “they’re always yelling and screaming. Crying especially.”

Keith smiled, “Did you have Hunk to help you?” Hunk was Lance’s best friend, a nurse. He was the best nurse anybody could ask for. Sometimes, he would bring cookies for his coworkers or for patients that needed some sort of comfort during a treatment, or a patient’s family who needed that kind of motherly hospitality. 

“Of course!” answered Lance. “What would I do without my big guy?” 

Keith agreed with that. Hunk was amazing with people, Keith thought it was a talent. He would always have Hunk help him with communication or sympathy, since Keith wasn’t all that great with that. 

In a way, the hospital would crumble without Hunk.

”How’s Pidge doing? Haven’t seen her in a while.” Keith asked. 

“She’s doing an X-Ray currently, can’t go in there though. Radiation and stuff.” Lance replied, his blue eyes sparkling and his straight pearly whites showing from a smile. 

They continued to talk some more before they started to reminisce on old memories and old relationships. They stopped before they reached their unfortunate breakup. Keith didn’t feel all that chirpy or talkative anymore. 

“How are you? Work, life, anything.” Lance said, looking up at him from his hands. 

Keith met his gaze. A wave of nostalgia hit him. It felt good and familiar. 

“Work wise, fine, I guess. Man came in, diagnosed him with Parkinson’s and a woman with her mother came in, diagnosed her mother with dementia.” Keith replied, voice low. 

“Did you get the kid I referred to the department?” Lance asked, voice low as well. 

Keith nodded, “It was hard. But he’s strong.” Keith smiled. 

Lance smiled back, “Cerebral Palsy. The human body and brain can be such a bitch sometimes.” 

They both humorlessly chuckled at that. 

Lance started to play with the bottom of his blue scrub shirt. 

It was always hard for them to diagnose patients with conditions that affects their daily life. It was easier when it could be helped like RLS (restless leg syndrome), or a flu. It was never easy when the patient was a child. 

They were silent for a while before Keith and Lance’s pagers started to beep loudly and continuously. They both looked down at the devices.

”Code team.” Keith mumbled before they ran out of Lance’s office and down the stairs, wasting no time for the elevators. 

They reached the lobby with the beginning of side stitches and gasping mouths desperate for breath. 

There was a commotion, a lot was happening. The paramedics Rizavi, Leifsdottir, and Kinkade rushed in with the other paramedic Griffin, laying down on the hospital bed unconscious. 

The team were pulling the bed, rolling it to the emergency room. Keith took their side as Lance tended to other patients came in, distressed and hurt.

”What happened?” Keith asked as he examined the body on the bed. 

“We rushed to the car accident scene on the highway, five severely injured, truck and cars. As Griffin tended to the injured, another car came in spinning loose. And you know what happened.” Rizavi answered. 

There was a bruise forming on Griffin’s cheek, his lip busted and bleeding. The hit to the head must’ve caused the unconscious. 

“Leifsdottir, place pressure here.” Keith instructed, pointing to his chest that had been revealed once they stripped Griffin of his shirt, that had a wound. Leifsdottir placed a gauze over the wound and kept her hand firmly placed on top of him. 

Griffin’s breathing started to slow down, then soon dissipated to nothing. 

“We’re losing him!” Keith yelled then Kinkade quickly grabbed an oxygen mask and put it over Griffin’s nose and mouth, pumping oxygen. 

Keith lowered the bars that surrounded the bed and started to place his hands on Griffin’s chest, pressing down in a rhythm; CPR. 

There was absolutely no way Keith was losing a patient, a paramedic, a friend, now due to a stupid car accident and his overly brave and helpful soul. 

“C’mon Griffin, breathe for me.” Keith huffed as he continued the CPR. Kinkade continued to  pump oxygen. “C’mon Jamie.” 

Keith swore he saw angles descend from Heaven once Griffin woke up, back arching from the bed, and gulped air, his breaths labored, but oh so alive. 

Griffin groaned out in pain once he looked down at his chest that had red streaks around it as Leifsdottir still continued to apply pressure to the wound.

“Good job, Griffin! Thank you. Stay alive, please, you’re almost there.” Keith sighed out, eyes almost watering. 

The paramedics eventually arrived at the emergency room and the other doctors gladly took Griffin off their hands and into another bed as they hooked him up to a monitor, wrapped a bandage around his chest, a nasal cannula, and some medicine. 

He’ll be fine.

 Keith, Lance, Hunk, Shiro, Allura, and even Pidge, were sitting in the cafeteria, sipping their coffees wide eyed with shock from what happened just about half an hour ago. 

“I almost lost him,” Keith exhaled shakily. “If I took my eyes off of him for just a small moment, maybe three seconds, I would’ve lost him. His blood on my hands.” 

Keith felt like a mess and he probably looked like one too. He could have accidentally killed Griffin. 

Griffin. Sweet Griffin. 

“But because of you, he’s still alive.” Shiro said, sliding his hand across the table to grab Keith’s cold, pale one. Keith’s hand stopped shaking under the warmth of Shiro’s palm. 

“How bad was he?” Pidge asked from the rim of her cup, her voice slightly muffled by the styrofoam.

Keith shrugged, “Took a hard blow. It was hard seeing him like that. He almost died.” 

Keith didn’t want to speak anymore, the events of today wearing him down and just seeing Griffin like that made him exhausted. 

Keith never knew how families felt when their loved ones were on death’s doorstep, but seeing Griffin like that gave him a whole new perspective. He took a little walk in their shoes, felt the pain. It was weird how he, a doctor, a neurologist, was now dependent on other doctors to care for the boy in the hospital bed. 

A part of him wanted to take care of Griffin himself, but he couldn’t. That wasn’t his place. He wished it was though.

Keith didn’t know where this sudden protectiveness and affection came from. He only considered Griffin a friend. Yes, a friend. Maybe a little less? No. He punched Griffin back in middle school, then made up years later, end of story.

Keith felt something wet prod against his stomach. He looked down at his shirt. 

And sure enough, there was a stain. A dark shimmering stain. There was Griffin’s blood on his dark maroon scrubs. Keith almost vomited upon sight. Blood didn’t disgust him one bit, but knowing that it was his friend’s that almost slipped through his careful fingers, made him nauseous.

The next day, the Altea Hospital was buzzing. Shiro and Allura’s schedules filled with surgeries and post OP checkups, Hunk with aid, Lance with screaming children, and Pidge with whatever she does. She’s always off doing god knows what. Her schedule is never consistent.

Keith didn’t have another patient until late afternoon. He could help with a headaches class, but decided that they were fine and would check up on Griffin.

Griffin’s friends couldn’t check up on him since they were busy attending emergencies outside the hospital in homes and in public places, but he wasn’t so sure about his parents.

Keith’s schedule was clear for the day so why not.

He knocked on Griffin’s door. With a raspy voice, he granted access.

Griffin’s lip was stitched up, the bruise on his cheek still prominent, and the nasal cannula still in place.

Keith smiled at him. 

“How are you doing?” Keith asked as he stood in front of his bed. 

Griffin managed a weak smile. “Not dying that’s for sure.” 

Keith nodded and looked at his vitals. Completely normal and for that, he was grateful. 

“Pain?” He asked.

Griffin shook his head, “Minor ache though. Medicine’s enough to keep me sane.” 

They were silent for a little while since Keith was too busy with his own paranoia. Keith’s eyes were all to focused on his vitals, scared that if he took his eyes off of the monitor, everything would go to shit.

”Heard about what you did. Thank you.” Griffin said, his voice so weak.

”Not a problem Griffin. Just as any other doctor would do.” 

“Call me James.” He said.

Keith finally ripped his intense gaze away from the screen to look at him. He raised a brow.

”What?”

”Call me James,” He repeated. “You saw me almost die. Pretty sure we’re on first name basis now.”

Keith smiled at him, “Then you can call me Keith. I hate being called Dr. Kogane.”

James nodded. 

“What happened out there?” Keith asked before he could even think.

There was some sort of flame of anger in him. He wasn’t even sure why he was angry. It wasn’t even James’ fault, but he did almost die. 

James was silent, the only noise from the room was coming from the heart monitor, beeping, the evidence that shows he’s alive. 

Keith looked at the monitor again. 

“A child was involved in the accident.” James mumbled, his voice almost in a hush whisper but heavily evident with hurt. 

Keith remained silent. 

“She looked so scared, Keith. She was so hurt. I went over to help her. Her mother and father were unconscious, my team were tending to them separately, before I heard cries. Her condition was terrible. And before I knew it, another car came, I protected her.” 

James’ heart was both a blessing and a curse.

Keith didn’t know how to respond, he was at loss for words. 

“Do you know how she is?” James asked, his tone a little hopeful, but also scared for a response.

Keith shook his head. He walked over to the phone that was on the wall and dialed Lance’s extension. He felt James’ eyes on him. He turned around to face him, phone still clutched in his hand and up to his ear.

It continued to ring, then finally, Lance picked up.

”Hello?” Lance answered. Keith felt all his worries melt away.

”Hey. Did you have the little girl that was hurt couple hours ago?” Keith twirled the beige cable. 

“Yeah, I do. Why?”

”James wants to know if she’s okay. How’s her condition?”

”She’s fine actually! Thanks to him, she made it out just fine. Some minor cuts along her cheeks and a broken leg.” 

Keith exhaled in relief, “Thank you.” He hung up the phone. 

James stared at him, waiting for a response.

”She’s fine. Minor cuts and a broken leg. All because of you. If she would’ve taken the impact of the other car, who knows what would’ve happened.” 

“It makes me realize how fast life can change. You could die any moment.” James said as he looked up at the ceiling. Keith agreed with that. 

“Yeah. Watching you almost die on me was terrifying.” Keith replied. The image and sound of James almost dying was behind his eyes every time he closed his eyes or when his ears found solitude, free from cacophonous noises that was a hospital. 

“What’s something you never told anyone before? I mean you share if you want, you don’t have to.” James said after a cough. 

Keith smiled, the somber mood plagued the room. He wanted to at least try to bring it up a little.

”Other than I know all the lyrics to Fergalicious?” Keith asked, raising a brow. James looked at him, an amused expression painting his face as well as a mixture of surprise and confusion. 

“Do you actually?” 

Keith nodded.

James had a smile on his face that meant trouble.

”Hit it Fergie.” He joked. 

Keith actually did the whole part. James was softly laughing as he did so even if his wound hurt and his head started to ache. 

It brought Keith immense joy when James laughed, it was like as if it lit up the whole room, and he was pretty damn sure it could cure any sickness and bring anyone’s spirits up. 

“World tour soon?” James chuckled, Keith smiled.

”Maybe. Just for you though.” Keith said before his face started to heat up and started to splutter incoherent sentences. 

James huffed a laugh, “I’d like that.”

Keith just nodded, unable to form a sentence to respond.

It was nice talking to James like this, he though. Talking to him like they’re friends and not coworkers. It made Keith feel warm inside, and he wasn’t sure why or how to feel about it. 

Keith wasn’t so sure if he liked James. Liked him in a way where he wanted to hold his hand and kiss his lips. 

James was, well....incredibly attractive. Inside and out. Keith thought he was an asshole his entire life, but once they made up and started to talk more, it turns out that James was not ill-mannered, but instead, he was caring, gentle, and a big softie for cats. 

Keith wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship yet. Sure it has been a little while since his breakup with Lance, and if Lance could move on, Keith definitely could too, but somewhere deep inside him, he wanted to preserve that solitude in his ridiculously expensive apartment with his ridiculously needy dog. 

But deeper inside of him, past that happiness with loneliness, he wanted to love again. He wanted to hold someones hand, cuddle with someone, touch someone, kiss someone. His body ached with desperation from being deprived of human touch for so long, that it sometimes hurt. 

And that someone he wanted to experience love again with another person, and that person was James.

 Keith had been visiting James for a while now. About 4 days and counting. He had been informed by James that his family would not be able to visit since they are in Spain and are busy with work. 

Of course, James was distraught. His mood had been down ever since the phone call he received from his parents, saying that they wouldn’t be able to visit. Their absence along with his friends’ was decreasing James’ mood little by little. Keith wished he could do something about it. What he could do is to visit him as often as he could. 

Keith’s visitations led to them growing closer, and Keith’s feelings only started to bloom profusely like flowers in spring, ultimately creating a flower field in his heart and spreading throughout his body like weeds, beautiful weeds.

The feeling began to consume him, smothering him inside out with wonderful feelings that made him feel suffocated in the best possible way. 

He only ever felt this way when he was with Lance. 

And that ended with hurt.

”When will you be discharged?” asked Keith, after swallowing a forkful of pasta. 

Keith had managed to sneak in food for James, since James greatly despised hospital food. Keith snuck in two Tupperwares with pasta he made that morning. Keith woke up extra early that morning.

”Hopefully, by tomorrow, if everything goes well.” He answered, his eyes concentrated on the food on his lap. 

Keith looked at his vitals again. James took note of this.

”Why do you keep watch on my vitals?” James questioned curiously. A part of him felt safe. 

Keith looked at him and shrugged. “I’m scared that something will go wrong.” A pause. “When I performed CPR on you, it was terrifying. If I looked away for a second you could’ve died. I’m not taking that chance.” 

James remained silent.

”With how scared I was, and how hard I performed CPR on you, I’m surprised I didn’t break any bones.” Keith managed to give him a smile. James chuckled at that. 

There was something wrong. 

Maybe Keith was overthinking. 

James’ heart monitor began to beep rapidly as his heart rate sped up. Keith stood up immediately, ready to spring into action until James interrupted.

”Calm down,” James laughed. “You’re such a worrywart.”

Keith looked down at him. James was fine. 

Then why did his heart rate increase? Keith did not know.

James had fallen asleep some time after their little lunch together and after the scare Keith experienced. Keith watched him sleep. James’ chest rose upwards then downwards as he inhaled and exhaled. The room was quiet, stale. There was the occasional footstep outside the door passing, the clicking of heeled shoes, or the screeching of wheelchairs. 

James’ hand was hanging out the side, an IV piercing his skin. His hand looked so weak and pale, Keith noted. He reached out and touched. His hand was cold. Keith frowned and enveloped his hand in his, hopeful that he could warm it up. 

Keith gently rubbed his bruised knuckles with his thumb, feeling the tender skin there. Would he able to hold his hand like this if James was awake? Probably not. Keith took the chance now to touch all he’d like. 

It was getting late. Keith was reluctant to leave, afraid that everything would go wrong. He also didn’t want to leave James’ side. He figured that he liked James’ presence, once sickening before, but became familiar, friendly, and warm. 

With a kiss to each finger tip, Keith got up and left. 

Keith was in the waiting room, anxiously and eagerly waiting for James to come out of those double doors dressed in the clothes Keith had brought for him the day before (his own clothes, not James’).

His leg was bouncing up and down with no sign of stopping. He was chewing on his fingernail, though not fully ripping it off his finger, but small nibbles, not hard enough to break it. 

The clock was ticking. Only a matter of time until James was released.

The doors opened, someone walked out, it wasn’t James.

This happened for about five times, until James actually came out. Keith thought he looked cute in his clothes.

And Keith was elated. Keith hugged him tightly and James gladly hugged him back. 

“You’re okay.” Keith whispered. He felt James nod against his shoulder. 

“Yeah.” James replied, hugging him tighter. 

They broke apart from their embrace then headed out the emergency room. They headed towards the lobby where James and Keith’s friends were patiently waiting for his arrival. 

They all got a chance to hug him once James walked into the room. 

Keith was watching from afar. Lance walked up next to him. 

“You should ask him out.” Lance started.

Keith’s eyes widened, he turned to him. “What makes you think I like him?” 

Lance let out a snort, “Everyone knows you like him dude.”

Keith spluttered, “What?!”

Lance laughed loudly, “Dude seriously. Ask him out.” 

Keith shook his head quickly, “No, no. He doesn’t even like me back!” 

Keith would never ask someone out if the person didn’t like him back. Absolutely no way. Keith couldn’t deal with the rejection and the humiliation along with it. 

“Yes he does. He’s literally looking at you.” Lance said before winking at him knowingly and walking off to join Kinkade’s side. 

After the jubilant commotion died down, Keith finally mustered up enough courage to walk up to the man he’d been visiting for days. 

He looked over to Lance, who was just behind James’s shoulder; Lance gave him an encouraging thumbs up. 

“James...” Keith mumbled, he felt his cheeks heat from embarrassment and anxiousness. 

James turned to him and hummed in acknowledgment. 

“Do you,” Keith muttered. This was too difficult for him. Was he even ready? “Fuck. Do you, uh, want to go out..with me?” 

Everyone was watching them, Keith was afraid he’d crumble. 

The lobby was silent. 

He heard James sigh out in relief, then he softly laughed. 

“Of course.”

”What? Really?” Keith couldn’t believe it. 

“You’re an idiot and a worrywart. I was right.” James bit his lip, trying to contain the biggest smile. 

Keith’s heart fluttered like a butterfly that had just came out of a cocoon. In the back of Keith’s throat, he tasted phantom honey, the sickeningly sweet situation of it all must’ve also made a cloud melt. 

Then, he felt lips against his.

Oh had he missed the feeling. 

Keith felt his arms reach up and wrap themselves around James’ neck and his hands grip at the back of James’ head, twisting his hair with his fingers. 

James kissed like he cared for others. It was tender, soft, loving, sweet, anything that could describe overwhelming affection. Keith felt like he was floating. 

They finally broke away. Keith was left panting against his mouth, James’ breaths hot and heavy against his own lips. 

“You don’t know how long I wanted to do that, Dios mio.” 

Keith kissed him once more, now addicted to the feeling again.