Chapter Text
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA] --
TT: So. Today’s the day you finally ruin everything.
CA: wwho the fuck are you
CA: vvery fuckin presumptuous color youre typin in there
TT: Oh, please, not the hemospectrum bullshit again. As I am getting very tired of telling you, it simply doesn’t apply.
CA: howw could it possibly not apply
CA: an wwhat the fuck are you talkin about wweve nevver spoken before
TT: Perhaps not yet, but we will. Endlessly. There is a limit to the number of times one can be called a ‘Ketchup-blooded WWitch’ before it ceases to be amusingly pathetic and becomes merely pathetic.
TT: Regardless, hemospectrum-based judgements simply do not apply to me, nor to my friends, because I am not a troll. I can’t imagine why this is so difficult for you to accept. I’d try to make you see reason, if I didn’t already know that you won’t.
CA: wwhat are you claimin to be some kind of alien from the future or somethin
TT: To the second question: No.
TT: Not from your ‘future’.
TT: Honestly, why is it that whenever the question of temporal mechanics is broached, your sparing troll intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable?
TT: To the first: I am not claiming to be an alien. I AM an ‘alien,’ from your perspective. I am a human.
CA: one a those magical imps wwho hang out wwith faeries an elvves an other shit that aint real an turn to stone in the light of the moons
CA: reel fuckin funny noww clam up im tired of your roleplay shit
TT: Oh, fantastic, I see you’re still making nautical puns in this time frame.
TT: Enough. I did not contact you to bicker uselessly about arguments I am destined to win later.
TT: I am here to introduce myself.
TT: My name is Rose Lalonde, and, you worthless waste of the air - and occasionally water - you breathe, I am the woman who will one day have the pleasure of ending your life.
TT: Eridan Ampora, your days are numbered, and you do not even know why. The irony is delicious.
CA: wwhoa there bitch comin on a little strong
TT: ...Oh gods.
CA: see orphaner dualscars wwon so many campaigns that they all blend together
TT: As usual, you leap to the most ridiculous of possible conclusions, one after another.
CA: so wwhatever night i wwiped the rest of your pathetic little party off the face of alternia or wwhatevver might havve been the most important night of your life
TT: I don’t know why I even bothered to imagine this conversation might progress otherwise.
CA: but for me it wwas tuesday
CA: so if you wwanna reel me in your gonna havve to givve me a better reason to hate you back
TT: You squirming pile of fetid manure, you’re actually that arrogant, aren’t you?
TT: I have never despised someone as much as I do now in my entire life!
CA: baby thats wwhat they all say
TT: I think I may vomit, now.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering caligulasAquarium [CA] --
She’ll be back. You just have to play a little hard to get, and she’ll be all over you. It can’t fail.
You’re glad she can’t see how flustered you are, though. Just when you were worried you might never find a kismesis, to have someone profess a hatred so black...feels fantastic.
Vris is dead to you, now. This’ll be better, you just know it. Even if her roleplaying persona is a bit weird.
You gotta tell Fef about this. Honestly, anything would be better to talk to her about than listening to her giggle and glub on and on about this stupid game she wants you to play.
> Thousands of miles away...
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering adiosToreador [AT] --
GG: hi again tavros!!! :)
AT: uM, HELLO,
AT: oH, IT’S YOU AGAIN,
AT: hI, uM, jADE, RIGHT, }:)
GG: yay, i’m so glad you remembered me!
GG: it’s been a while!
GG: i mean for me it was only a couple of minutes but for you it’s been almost two years since we talked!!!
AT: uH, I DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT ANY OF THAT MEANS, bUT OF COURSE i REMEMBER,
AT: tHAT TRICK YOU TAUGHT ME MADE FEEDING tINKERBULL SO MUCH EASIER, }:)
AT: wITHOUT IT, IRRADIATING GRAIN IS, UH, A LOT HARDER,
AT: sO,,,tHANKS A LOT,
GG: no problem, i’m happy to help! :D
GG: it’s just an old trick my grandpa taught me to keep me from getting sick like bec did :(
AT: uH, WHAT’S, A GRANDPA,
GG: um, nevermind about that
GG: i’ll explain later
GG: anyway it looks like the game is about to start!
AT: rIGHT, THE THING Aa TOLD ME ABOUT,
AT: aRE YOU PLAYING TOO,
GG: well, yes, actually, but not in the same group as you
AT: oH,
GG: i just wanted to say good luck! i mean, i know you’ll do okay, but i wanted to tell you not to worry! :)
GG: gamzee and vriska should be contacting you soon about getting into the game
AT: tHANKS,
AT: aND, UH, gOOD LUCK TO YOU TOO, BUT I’M SURE YOU’LL DO FINE,
GG: um
GG: yeah
GG: thanks! >.>
AT: wAIT, vRISKA, UH, sERKET,
AT: aRE WE PLAYING WITH tEAM sCOURGE, i THOUGHT Cg WAS MAD AT THEM FOR SOME REASON,
GG: well mister grumpyface is just gonna have to get over it! >:(
GG: it’s not like his problem with them is gonna matter much longer anyway
AT: uH, oK THEN,
AT: uH, gAMZEE’S PESTERING ME,
AT: sO, GOOD LUCK, AND HAVE FUN WITH YOUR GAME,
AT: jADE, aRE YOU STILL THERE,
GG: thanks tavros
GG: you
GG: you have fun too! :’)
GG: <3
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT] --
Oh my.
Did she just... She did! But you’ve only talked twice, she can’t know you well enough to... And if she did, it’s probably because she doesn’t know you as well as she thinks she does...
And...
Why would she be crying?
> Weeks ago, in another universe...
-- ??? began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
Evening, boy!
TG: oh man its hass
TG: whats happening on hellmurder island old man
Oh, it’s lively and pleasant as always, young chap.
Little Jade is missing you something fierce, by the by.
TG: i bet she is
TG: girl is all over me like im the last elmo in the store
TG: all the moms trying to claim me for there own as tribute to their shrieking harpy kids
TG: but no shes rushing through the melee like its the last play of the super bowl
I think this one is getting away from you, David.
TG: making that mad dash for the endzone so she can get this red monster all to herself
TG: to take home to her room full of squid and guns and shit and just
TG: tickle
I’ll thank you not to twist my granddaughter’s affections into something suggestive and lewd, young man!
TG: just messing with you harley
TG: so whats going on anyway
You should prepare yourself for another adventure!
TG: oh no
TG: man fucking no
TG: you always make these things sound so fucking badass but then bro has to bail me out from getting eaten by giant coolkid eating flowers or some shit and that is about as far from cool as it gets
TG: shit is fucking sweltering
I already know you’re going to agree, David!
You might as well cease complaining and jump right in!
TG: what
TG: damn it old man i call hax on that omniscience shit you got going on
TG: shit is so fucking cheap why would i ever want to do this shit again
TG: of course you knew exactly how to answer that question long before i even asked so cheap
Because, lad, sour though your armor may be, you remain a Knight at heart!
TG: the hell does that mean
You’ll agree for one simple reason: because you know that Jade, Rose, and John will be going, and that you can’t be certain they’ll be safe without you.
If it makes you feel better, I promise this will be the last time I ask for your aid in such a venture.
TG: welp
TG: fuck old man i guess you got me there just like always
TG: cant let that dumpass egbert get all the not terrible people killed derping along without me
TG: fine im in
TG: whats going on anyway
Well, my good chap, do you remember the code we recovered last time?