Chapter 1: A Conversation
Summary:
In which Kasumi and Garrus find they might have a little common ground after all.
Chapter Text
It was a week into his arrival on the SR2 that Garrus found himself trudging down to the lounge. The designated lair, he knew, of the thief Shepard had picked up on the recommendation of the Illusive Man. They’d crossed paths only twice, near the armory and in the mess - he suspected because she’d wanted to. He had a feeling she had one hell of a tactical cloak, and he’d no doubt she could, and did, use it when it suited her. They’d exchanged pleasant, if somewhat stilted, introductions - she most likely as aware of his former profession as he was of her current one.
But whatever his reservations about Kasumi Goto, Master Thief were and vice versa, they weren't enough to distract him from the knowledge of what else the lounge held - a bar. And a bar? Meant alcohol. A drink had sounded pretty enticing, and if he were being honest, he may have been hoping to have a little help sleeping through the night. If a hangover was the price of a night free of watching his friends die as he stood helplessly by, well, it was one he was all too happy to pay.
Kasumi was camped out not on her usual spot on the couch, but the floor just next to it, cleaning her favored SMG. She'd taken it down to the delightful Mr. Taylor to have a lookover, but truth be told she was rather finicky about her weapons and when she wasn't making up excuses to stare at a spectacular butt, she preferred to do her own maintenance. She was peering down the detached barrel (clean, pristine, in fact, Jacob knew his stuff - but...maybe she'd better swab it out just in case), when the thud of approaching footsteps alerted her to potential company. A heavy tread, the pattern of the steps just slightly off from what she'd expect - she'd only just surmised that her visitor might be the taciturn turian when a knock on the door echoed through the room. A little bemused, she managed to suppress a smile before answering.
"Come in."
The door clicked and parted, revealing she'd been correct - one Garrus Vakarian stood in the doorway, in a stance that may have been awkward or just a standard turian at-rest pose, she wasn't quite sure. She'd never worked much with turians - they tended to mercenary work rather than thievery when they cut ties with decent society. She supposed it appealed to their personal honor, cultural upbringing being hard to shake and all - shooting someone in the face was certainly honest and up-front.
Right now, Garrus was shifting from foot to foot, so she was betting on awkward more than the other.
"Hey. I was, uh, hoping to get a drink, actually. That is, if you don't mind, I don't want to intrude."
"By all means, the bar is there to be used. I'll be up a while yet, anyway." She raised her oily rag in explanation.
Garrus gave a quick nod and headed over to the bar, pausing to eye the contents when he heard Kasumi's voice call over.
"Dextro-based is down on the lower right corner - the triple filtered levo is just above it, shouldn't give you trouble if you're not sensitive. Well, trouble in the form of stomach cramps or death, that is - the hangover's hell."
"Thanks." His eyes followed her directions and landed on a bottle of Quarian vodka - they weren't much for the lighter alcohols but the Quarians knew how to distill with the best of them. He grabbed it, a glass, and settled down on a stool. It felt a little strange, sitting here with the thief performing gun maintenance not 15 feet away in what was essentially her living room. The alternative of getting piss drunk directly next to the controls for a bunch of giant guns didn't seem like the wisest option, though.
"You're very polite for a vigilante, you know."
Garrus let out a soft laugh and unscrewed the cap from the bottle.
"You've met a lot of them?"
"Well, no, but I figured you wouldn't be so dissimilar from a merc - no offense."
Garrus stilled and his shoulders tensed, and a curious Kasumi made a mental note of the apparently sore territory she'd just entered. He relaxed a moment later, tossing back his first shot.
"None taken. It's...a common misperception, I guess."
Kasumi fiddled with the clip, waiting a beat, considering, before continuing.
"Well, yesterday Zaeed just barged on in here when I was reading a book before bed. Made me lose my place. I was a little put out, to be honest. And then he took a whole bottle and never brought it back. Though...on second thought, he probably doesn't use a glass, so maybe that's not such a bad thing."
"That's...actually pretty rude, yeah."
"Right? Oh well. Anyway, a knock or two is a nice change of pace."
Garrus poured himself another round, glanced back at Kasumi. "Ah, you're welcome. I think." He took a sip this time, instead of tossing it all back. "I suppose it goes with the territory, our bunks being in public rooms and all."
"It does seem an odd set-up, doesn't it? I was looking at the ship plans - you know there's no rooms for any of the specialists? Just those little sleep pods for the crew. Poor planning on Mr. Illusive's part, in my opinion."
Garrus twisted around in his seat, his brow plates furrowing. "I thought the plans for the SR1 and 2 were classified, how -" he trailed off when he noticed Kasumi's raised brows. "Right. Thief."
Kasumi laughed and went back to her cleaning. "And the prize goes to the mildly inebriated turian to our left."
Garrus wasn't sure whether to be annoyed or amused. He settled for taking another drink.
"How do you get into that anyway? Thievery."
"What, like as a career? Do you want to know if there's a thieves college? I thought a hardened officer of the law would know all about that sort of thing."
Garrus just leveled a look at her. "I was thinking more of a guild, actually," he drawled, his mandibles giving a quick flutter. "But seriously, I've wondered. At least at your level - you steal art, maybe some information, right?"
Kasumi merely cocked her head at him, enigmatic smile peering out from under her hood. He shook his head.
"Allegedly, right. Petty thievery I get - it's usually kids, you get a little older and it's almost always drug-related somehow - but we don't run into your type very often."
"The classy type, I'm sure you mean."
"Of course."
Kasumi put her rags down, folded her legs up and leaning on her knees. "Well, how did you get into C-Sec? It was just the expected path, right? And then, what, you decided to take things into your own hands and Archangel happened?"
"I...guess, yeah. Law enforcement was always the plan, anyway. In some capacity. Pretty standard for a Vakarian."
"Well, it's not so different. Petty thievery, doing what everyone expected of you, and then one day you decide - hey, I'm gonna do something better. Make something of myself, you know?"
Garrus squinted. "I think I follow. Maybe." He surveyed the paintings at the end of the room, the sculpture and no doubt priceless collection of paper books. "Seems to have worked out better for you than it did for me, at any rate."
Kasumi didn't let her eyes wander over to the single red rose lying on the desk. She forced a smile, shrugged. "Perhaps."
Garrus turned back to his drink. "I don't know, you just don't seem the type I guess."
That got an honest-to-God laugh out of her. "And you clearly don't read enough human spy novels."
He smiled to himself. "Never read a damn one, so I can't disagree with you there."
"I'll loan you a few. Anyway, types are overrated. People are complicated." She gestured at the room. "Who would have thought that the infamous Archangel, avenger of all wrongs, would be sitting here having a perfectly nice conversation with Kasumi Goto, best thief in the galaxy? It's all just shades of gray in the end."
Garrus drained his glass, peered at the empty bottom. "Maybe." He shook his head. "I've bothered you long enough, I'd better turn in."
Kasumi picked up her gun parts, watching as Garrus stood and pushed in his stool.
"It wasn't any bother. I like a nice chat. You should come back - I'll have those spy novels waiting for you."
Garrus let out a small smile. "Ah, thanks. Maybe I'll do that." He headed for the door. "Have a good night, Kasumi."
"You too, Garrus."
Chapter 2: Sneak
Chapter Text
"What are you looking at?"
Garrus just managed to stop himself from jumping at the voice that seemed to come out of nowhere, snapping his head around as Kasumi Goto shimmered into view beside him. He took a breath, swearing softly.
"Do you make a habit of that?" he asked.
She smiled up at him, looking vaguely nonplussed. "Making surprise entrances?"
"Sneaking up on people."
"I wouldn't call it sneaking, I'd call it, oh, practicing a well-honed sense of caution with a flair for the dramatic."
Garrus cocked his head. "So, yes, then."
She ignored him, peering down at the mods he was considering. They'd arrived on the Citadel the day prior, and Shepard was currently having a personal meeting with Captain Anderson, leaving Garrus and Kasumi adrift and free to wander at their leisure. He'd made his way down to the Wards to look at gun upgrades - and had thought he'd come alone. He briefly wondered just how long Kasumi had been with him. He hoped he hadn't idly scratched anything awkward - he couldn't recall. Damn.
Her face was tilted downwards, and with the hood in the way he couldn't see her expression but he could hear the frown in her voice when she spoke.
"These prices are a rip. I could find these for much cheaper."
"I'm sure." Garrus turned back to the merchandise, picking up a clip upgrade and examining the craftsmanship. "A hundred percent discount, I'd imagine."
Her voice was sly and laced with humor. "Of course. I never accept anything less."
He raised a browplate, glancing sidelong at the thief before shaking his head. "Well, I'm good with paying the full price. Unofficial discounts aren't exactly my style."
"Lucky for you I wasn't offering then, isn't it?" Oh, her voiced had cooled a touch then. He felt a momentary twinge of guilt. She'd just been trying to make conversation. His social skills, never the greatest to begin with, were a bit rusty and apparently he was feeling the grind. He scratched his neck, hoping he didn't look quite as sheepish as he felt.
"Well, they are overpriced, I'll agree with that." She hadn't disappeared yet, so he took it as a sign to continue. "You don't use rifles, right?
She continued to look down at the mods for a moment before giving a slight shake of her head. "Never have. Too clunky for me. I suppose you could say they're not my style." She grinned up at him then, just a little sharp. He couldn't help it, his mandibles flared, just a touch, and he almost laughed.
"Right, well, this is second rate material for a sniper rifle. The heat distribution's less than optimal, for one, and it's not really heavy duty enough to - " he trailed off at Kasumi's increasingly bemused smile. "I mean, I just wouldn't buy this. Or...take the discount. Not worth it. It's, ah, a rip, like you said."
She arranged her face into an expression of mock seriousness, giving a quick nod. "Duly noted."
To his credit, Garrus chose not to acknowledge the hint of laughter in her voice. He turned back to the merchandise, holding up another mod and frowning at it.
"You know, there's a better place around the corner, expensive, but their product is top notch. And if Cerberus is footing the bill - ," he turned to look at Kasumi but stopped short when all he saw was an empty counter and thin air.
"Kasumi?"
...
"Damn. I really have to ask where she got that tactical cloak."
Chapter 3: Scum and Villainy
Chapter Text
"I do what I do for the love of it - these people do it because they don't know any better."
They had just docked on Illium, and were making their way through the trade district - the sort of place that Garrus would have normally termed as 'bustling'. But while it was certainly busy the warmth that the word might have implied was nowhere to be found. The sharp barks of cutthroat traders, the unctuous croons of merchants and dealers like oil on his hide - Omega was filthy, but Illium left him feeling just as in need of a shower. He'd said as much, and Kasumi had agreed - to his surprise. But now as Shepard stopped to look at some upgrades, he slowed and cocked his head, blinking at the thief.
"I'm not sure I see the difference. Don't take this the wrong way, but - you're both bilking people in the end, right?"
Kasumi peered up at the balconies overhead, sheltering her eyes from the afternoon sun. "I'm not bilking people, I'm relieving them of assets they didn't appreciate enough."
"Or lock up tight enough."
"Same thing."
"Right. But seriously, it's...what's the human term? Splitting bones. Isn't it?"
"Hairs." She waited as an asari and her young daughter passed by, humming pleasantly to herself. "And I don't know, I suppose. I don't claim that what I do is going to win me first prize for personal morality, but I think there's good reasons and bad reasons to do anything, my line of work included."
Garrus was quiet for a moment. They began walking again at Shep's signal, falling into easy step with one another. Kasumi heard him click his teeth, an almost imperceptible sound she had learned meant he was thinking about something. She waited, and finally he spoke.
"I suppose you do get points for integrity - you don't hide behind loopholes and technicalities."
Kasumi looked over at him, grinning from under her hood.
"Why, Mr. Vakarian, is that a begrudging compliment I hear?"
He rolled his eyes, but he let a small laugh slip.
"It's...an acknowledgment."
"Hey, let me bask in this sudden and unexpected seal of almost approval from the former detective Vakarian - at least before you yank it away from me on those awful technicalities."
Garrus shook his head, mandibles flaring. Kasumi stepped a bit closer, her walk growing a little bit jaunty. "So does this make me your favorite criminal? In your undoubtedly wide and varied experience with them?"
"Undoubtedly," he replied, dry as dust. "Of course there really isn't much competition. You're not killing people as cheap entertainment, for one. That pretty much puts you near the top all on its own."
She laughed and shrugged. "So the bar is pretty low. I'll take it."
Chapter 4: Crystal Clear
Notes:
The quotes at the beginning and end are from The Thin Man, by Dashiell Hammett.
Chapter Text
‘“She’s pretty.”
"If you like them like that."’
"Hey, Kasumi."
She flipped the page in her book. “Mmm?”
"Sorry, but can you take a look at this? I’m, ah, a little confused and I’ve tried searching the extranet but maybe I’m using the wrong terms…"
Kasumi put her book down and took the novel proffered by Garrus, currently sitting on the floor next to her perch on her couch. She flicked her eyes down to the passage he indicated. Her eyebrows, in contrast, were soon raising, and she laughed.
"It seems fairly self-explanatory to me."
"But is that even anatomically possible? Your legs are so straight, how can they bend like that without snapping?"
"Oh, we’re much bendier than you might think." She re-read a couple sentences. "Anyone that could do the splits could manage that, for sure."
Garrus’s brow furrowed. “Sorry, I think the translator glitched. Cuts? That doesn’t seem right, given the context.”
"No, we call them the splits. It’s when you sort of, you know, spread your legs out?"
Garrus’s mandibles twitched.
Kasumi sighed. “Oh, honestly…here.” She handed him back his book, positioning herself on her knees parallel to the back of the couch. She leaned forward, transferring her weight to her hands and gracefully stretched her legs out and to the side, executing a perfect straddle split any gymnastics coach would be proud of.
"See? Easy enough. So don’t worry, Lady Fiona will be just fine."
Garrus stared. “That’s…impressive.”
She grinned, holding the pose for a few moments more and enjoying the stretch before bouncing up and settling back into the couch, picking up her book.
She was attempting to find her place when she happened to notice the distinct lack of sound from turning pages coming from her reading buddy. She looked up to find Garrus quickly glancing away. She tried not to smile.
"Are you alright, Garrus? Do you need any more explanations?"
"Ah, no, I’m great. This is…great. Crystal clear." He coughed, quickly flipping pages and finding his spot.
And as she turned back to her own book and followed suit, she couldn’t help but notice his neck had picked up a touch of blue. She was rather proud of herself for not letting out the laugh that was threatening to escape. She smiled, small and secret, and then continued her reading.
'She grinned at me. “You got types?”
"Only you, darling - lanky brunettes with wicked jaws."’
Chapter 5: Scuttlebutt
Chapter Text
A to Z this time? But then of course that leaves some of them having to be organized phonetically - and that always feels so messy -
Kasumi’s thoughts were interrupted by the clank of Garrus’ feet coming through her door - the open and close of the thing barely even registered anymore, it was so frequent, but his heavy, oddly bouncy gait always got her attention. She looked up from her perch in front of her bookshelf, lips curling in a smile.
"There you are. Alphabetical or by color?"
He was settling himself on the corner of the desk, mindfully moving the rose out of squashing range. “Alphabetical - wait, what?”
"Re-organizing." She gestured at the books spread around her on the bed. "The current scheme was feeling a little stale."
"Huh." He’d learned that sometimes it was better not to ask. He leaned back, considering for a moment. "I’d go with color, then. It’s got a bit more panache."
"You think?"
"Definitely."
She shuffled through the volumes, looking one or two over, then cocked her head back up at Garrus and gave a decisive nod. “Color it is then.” She began her sorting, glancing up with glittering eyes from under her hood. “So what brings you down here? I notice the bar is looking awfully lonely.” She shot a grin at him. “Not that I’m implying my favorite ex-cop needs a reason, of course.”
He cocked his head right back at her. “Everyone needs a little alone time, even our friend the bar,” he replied, dry amusement coloring his voice. “Maybe it needs to reconsider its life, do a little soul-searching. All those hard-partying nights can’t be good for anyone.”
"Ha. Your concern is touching, truly."
He shrugged. “I try.”
"Well, when you feel the bar has had enough time to consider it’s life choices, there’s a surprise waiting for you underneath the counter." She let out a pleased hum when he raised his brows at her. "But tell me your news first. And I know you have some, you only sit on the desk like that when you have something exciting to tell me."
"I don’t - well…yeah, I do, don’t I? Huh. Well, anyway, I was coming to tell you that our date with Sidonis has been postponed. Turns out, Tali’s -"
”- been called to trial for treason? I know, it’s terrible isn’t it? Poor thing, she’s so sweet. It’s tough to see her so worried.”
"…wha - how did you - it just happened an hour ago. She just came by to tell me 10 minutes ago. Do you have taps all over this spirits damned ship?” He paused, narrowing his eyes. “Do you have them in the battery, too?”
He could have sworn, though he could only just barely see the whites of her eyes under the shadow of her hood, that the thief was wiggling her eyebrows at him. She was definitely biting her lip to keep from laughing. It was…oddly appealing, considering he’d never thought much of lips before. This is how you never find out how she knows things, Vakarian. Distraction by lip biting. Spirits help me. He sighed.
"Right. Thief. Tactical cloak. One day, I’m going to get those tweaks from you."
"If it makes you feel better, you can certainly keep trying."
"Hmph. Anyway, Shepard came by, and we’re heading out to the Flotilla now - though," and he looked a little perturbed, Kasumi was amused to note, "you probably already know that."
Kasumi shrugged, pushing a book into place on the shelf. “Maybe.” She turned to grin at him. “But maybe there issomething you know that I don’t.”
"Does it involve formulas for achieving the perfect headshot at a 45 degree angle in 40 kilometer per hour winds? Because outside of that, I think you’ve got me beat, Goto." He sounded almost mournful. Kasumi just leaned forward, books forgotten.
"No, much more delicate. I’ve been wondering - did Shep and Tali ever have a…well, you know. A romance of some sort?” She brought a finger to her lips, considering. Garrus gawped - she hardly noticed. “Oh, maybe it was an affair when Shep was with Lieutenant Tightass -” Garrus sputtered at that ” - oh I don’t mean that as an insult, believe me. God, the drama, can you imagine? I wish I had been there.”
She gazed at Garrus expectantly. He just stared back, mandibles limp, mouth agape. Kasumi frowned.
"Well?"
Garrus managed to recover his voice. “I - well, what?”
"Well, what happened? Was there some sort of horrible fight? Did he find out? Did Tali know about them?” Kasumi looked shocked at some sudden realization. She leaned forward on her hands, looking somewhere between scandalized and delighted. “Was Shep two-timing them both?”
Garrus just gaped at her for a few long moments before he finally managed to speak.
"What are you - Tali? And Shepard? And Tali? No, no, no. Didn’t happen. Tali never even came out of the drivecore except for food. Seemed pretty damned lonely, to be honest.”
"Oh." Kasumi’s shoulders drooped and her smile sank. Garrus almost wished he’d been able to confirm her sordid suspicions. She looked so damn disappointed.
"There wasn’t even any sexual tension? A young, naive girl swept off into adventure and mayhem by an experienced, beautiful older woman? It writes itself, Garrus."
He had to laugh, but he shook his head. “Sorry, I wish it were more exciting. As far as I recall, they didn’t even seem to like each other much. I always got the impression she thought Tali was a bit of a…what’s the term? Princess? And not in the literal way. The admiral father and all that. They were polite enough, of course, but that was really about it.” He shrugged. “What, where’d you get the idea they, ah…”he trailed off.
Kasumi chewed absently on her lower lip, considering, before she answered. “Oh, well, when Tali was telling Shep about the fleet calling her back, Shep got - well, she got a little pissed off. She was ranting about the fleet, and how could they mistrust Tali, and on and on. It was kind of sweet, in that weird, overly aggressive Shep kind of way, you know?”
Garrus frowned. “That doesn’t sound that strange, though - this is Shepard we’re talking about. She yelled at her coffee cup yesterday. Great commander, great friend - but not the most even-keeled of people.” He held up his hands at Kasumi’s arched brow. “I know, I’m one to talk. I’m only saying - it doesn’t sound surprising.”
She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t just that. There was something…I’m not quite able to put my finger on it. The way Tali’s hands twisted, like she was worried, of course, but then they stopped - and the way she sort of leaned in toward Shep? And Shep was - soft? Softer, at least. Angry but…I don’t know. She doesn’t use the tone she used with Tali very much, let’s put it that way.” She paused. “You said they didn’t like each other on the old Normandy?”
"Well, maybe it’s a little harsh, but yeah. Like tarcut and lati. Ah, wait, let me…ah, oil and water.”
“Lati…pretty. Hmm. But that does mean there was tension.” She waggled a finger at Garrus. “And tension, even the negative sort, can lead to very interesting places, Mr. Vakarian.”
Garrus shuddered. “Spirits, don’t call me that. I’ve got a good thirty years before I’m ready to turn into my father, thanks.” Kasumi just laughed, and he continued, “I don’t know, the two of them? On a turian ship, I could see that sort of thing leading…” he paused to cough, suddenly awkward. “Ah…well, leading somewhere else. But with a human and quarian? I admit I don’t know much about alien mating rituals, but I was always led to believe that dislike didn’t generally lead to that sort of, um, tension relief.”
"Ha. I told you before, you clearly don’t read enough human fiction."
"Hey, you know I’ve been remedying that. Lady Fiona and her barbarian husband are just getting to - oh. Huh, I guess they didn’t like each other much either, did they? And that’s, uh, working out well for them. So - hmm."
"See?" She smiled triumphantly. "There’s definitely something there. Or there’s going to be. And I’m going to have a front row view."
Garrus shifted on the desk, amused. “Well, you can give me all the details, if you’re so sure. Ah, not all of them, though.” He paused, looking down at her. “Wait, just how much do you watch -“
"Why, I’m offended you think I’m, what, some sort of peeping Tom?"
Garrus just gave her a look. “I don’t know what a Peeping Tom is, but I can guess, and if the shoe fits…”
Kasumi sniffed. “I never stay around for anything that goes beyond a Teen Audiences and below rating, thank you very much. I have some scruples.” She frowned at Garrus’ snort. “Hey, I said some. And it’s perfectly true.”
He watched her as she turned to put her last book in place and sat back to admire her handiwork. He had to admit, it looked very nice indeed. Organization by color had been a good call - he was rather impressed with himself. His self-congratulations were interrupted by Kasumi’s sly voice floating upwards.
"So. Tell me, how do these sorts of things work out on turian ships?”
Garrus’ eyes jerked from the books and his mandibles gave a little flutter. “Ah - pardon?”
He saw a flash of white teeth as she grinned. “You said something, before - about how you could see tension being worked out on a turian crew in a more…hands on manner, let’s say.” She indicated the bar with a nod of her head. “Go grab your surprise and give me the dirty details.”
He looked skeptical, if not slightly apprehensive. Kasumi rolled her eyes.
"It’s a 40 year old, disturbingly orange and terribly expensive surprise. I’m pretty sure you’ll like it."
He pulled his head back, mandibles fluttering. “No.”
Kasumi hoped she didn’t look too unbearably smug. “Very much yes.”
Garrus shot up from the desk and strode over to the bar, quickly finding and pulling the bottle of Palaven’s finest from the lower shelf. He eyeballed the label, giving a low whistle. ”Where the hell’d you find Aterus single malt outside of Palaven?” He glanced up. “You know this is the Primarch’s favorite? He doesn’t drink anything else. Spirits. They don’t even ship it off the damn planet.”
She lifted one delicate shoulder. “I have my ways.” Her Cheshire smile peeked out at him. “And I think such a spectacular gift deserves a story or two in return, don’t you?” She patted the spot next to her. Garrus blinked, glancing down at the label and shook his head - she was something else, he had to give her that. One of a kind, definitely.
He grabbed the strange, sweet liquor he knew she liked and a couple of tumblers, ambling over to the bed to grab a seat. He started to uncork the whiskey as she grabbed her own drink and glass, and paused.
"You really want to hear this?"
"Oh, definitely."
"You have a whole soap opera written out in your head already, don’t you?"
"…maybe."
Garrus could only sigh. “Fine. Well, there was this recon scout…”