Archive of Our Own ^beta

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New Notification:

@suixusse: The highly anticipated ‘D&D: Six-Million-Subscriber-Special’ just dropped! Click the link below:

https://youtube.com/the-people-asked-for-more-and-hence-I-deliver

Check out my translation to English/transcript here: https://docs.co.uk/again-humour-is-not-my-strong-point-please-dont-beat-me-up

If using the translation for other purposes, please give me credit!

[The opening jingle plays, but this time a little embellished with extra instrumentation. The video begins with Pro heroes (G.E.M.) Dynamight and Deku sat in their respective seats. They’re both wearing green-orange party hats—though Dynamight’s hat looks like it’s about to fall off. He doesn’t make an attempt to adjust it, but is instead looking at Deku, who is adjusting his microphone with one hand. They’re both holding confetti cannons.]

Deku: Welcome back, you guys, to D&D! The podcast where we, Deku ‘n Dynamight get down into the dirty. The nitty. The deep. The controversial—the world of being a pro hero!

Dynamight: Or, alternatively, the podcast where Dynamight and Deku ‘put the play into the play into the role.’

[Deku pauses.]

Deku: …Hey, Kacchan… Do you think listeners get it? ‘Put the play into the role’? Because D&D is a roleplaying game? And we have our roles as pro heroes… Right?

Dynamight: [tapping his palm with the confetti cannon] They don’t—definitely not. I literally warned you; only weird nerds would the pun.

Deku: You were literally the one who pointed out the coincidence?

Dynamight: And that somehow makes your poor discernment my fault?

Deku: Well no, but…

[Deku pauses again, visibly in thought.]

Deku: I mean… Unless you’re calling yourself a “weird nerd”—

[Dynamight throws his confetti cannon at Deku’s head. Deku catches it, grinning.]

Deku: Your hat’s all lopsided. Did you know that, Kacchan?

Dynamight: You’re going to be “all lopsided” when I shove the damn thing down your throat.

Deku: You agreed to keep it on!

Dynamight: I didn't agree to shit!

Deku: Aww, what!? You promised—

Dynamight: Under duress.

Deku: —you promised me when I asked you, you said you’d do anything for—

Dynamight: Not in my right mind, asshole! Do you know what that’s called?

Deku: [smiling] Persuasion?

Dynamight: Coercion. Co-er-cion, fucking manipulator.

Deku: It was not coercion, I was just being tactical!

Dynamight: Yeah, tactically coercive. As far as we both know, I didn't sign shit and therefore I’m not bound to shit—including this hat. There.

[Dynamight makes a rude gesture. Deku sticks his tongue out at him, then tosses the confetti cannon back. It falls short, hitting the leg of Dynamight’s chair, who doesn’t try to pick it up.]

Deku: What a downer—ignore him, you guys. More importantly, today is a very special day for us, if you haven’t already noticed. Six days—

Dynamight: —five.

Deku: —sorry five days ago, we officially hit… six million followers! Woo!

[He twists his cannon, which goes off with a loud bang. Some of the confetti lands on the microphones, which creates a little feedback. Dynamight shakes his head to get the confetti out of his hair; his party hat falls along with it. There’s silence for a few moments.]

Deku: …This feels a bit unorganised.

[Dynamight snickers.]

Deku: But six million subscribers within a year! That’s so many people, I’m a little shocked the public wants to listen to something like this.

Dynamight: I’m not shocked. Pros are barely allowed to speak to the media without our PR santising every other word we speak.

Deku: You’re just glad you get to be messy unprovoked.

Dynamite: [shrugs] Who said I wasn’t?

Deku: You know, Tsubaki-chan was originally really sceptical about the idea.

AN: Tsubaki Chihiro is the head of Deku’s PR. Deku speaks about her often enough for her to have acquired her own little fanbase. It’s a bit unconventional, but she seems to really enjoy the online attention.

Dynamight: [smirking] Because she was scared you’d fuck up?

Deku: Because she was scared that you wouldn’t fuck up. [He snorts.] But she said it’s mostly because she didn't want—wait, hold on.

[Deku gets up and walks over to Dynamight, bending to whisper in his ear. Dynamight pushes his microphone away. After a moment, Deku goes to sit back down.]

Dynamight: [indignant] Who even gives a fuck? Basically everyone knows.

Deku: She seems really passionate about it though, so who am I to deny her? And it’s kinda sweet how she’s so concerned.

Dynamight: You’re a grown ass man—you can make your own decisions.

Deku: [shrugging] If it was down to that I just wouldn’t have PR then, would I?

[He claps his hands together, grinning.]

Deku: Anyway, as my own personal thank you to Tsubaki-chan, I’ve decided to stress her out a little more. You know it—today, we’ll be doing our first ever Q&A episode!

[Deku gestures for the second confetti cannon on the floor. Without speaking, Dynamight bends to pick it up, then throws it to him again.]

Deku: Might as well do the second honours!

Dynamight: You know you're cleaning this shit up later, right?

Deku: And you’ll help me?

Dynamight: No, I mean you’re cleaning it up.

[Deku turns to the camera, pursing his lips and jutting his thumb at Dynamight. He mouths ‘he’s lying’ behind his hand.]

Deku: If you say so!

[Deku then twists the second confetti cannon; it goes off with another loud bang.]

Deku: Woo!

[Dynamight rolls his eyes, saying nothing.]

Dynamight: Since the announcement, we received around a couple hundred different submissions through the form. Out of those thousand, we ‘re answering five. Firstly, because Deku talks way too much—

Deku: Hey!

Dynamight: —we’d never be able to get through more without this episode going over by several hours. Secondly, a lot of the questions we’ve already answered in previous episodes. Lastly, because you people are fucking weird. Seriously guys—“what hair products do you guys use”? Seriously?

Deku: [scratching his head] That isn’t that bad, surely?

Dynamight: You’re only saying that because you were also one of those parasocial weirdos with All Might. You can tell if you’d like, but have fun not being able to buy your favourite shampoo for the next thirty years.

Deku: Oh right, that is bad. Nevermind.

[Dynamight rolls his eyes, shaking his head.]

Dynamight: Tsubaki chose the five of the— [He makes quotations with his fingers.] —“least intrusive” questions of them. That means we’re both going in blind.

[Deku sits up in his chair, leaning forward.]

Deku: You have the questions?

Dynamight: [holding his phone up] I’ll read them, you’ll get the first swing?

Deku: Yup!

Dynamight: Alright. We’ll get into it—how was dorm life at UA?

[Deku looks up, brow furrowed in thought.]

Dynamight: Ten years ago now. Feel old yet?

Deku: Practically ancient. [He snorts.] I remember it like it was yesterday though, easily! Hmm… I think the best bit was living in close quarters with everyone—you were never really left alone. If you needed a study-buddy or someone to watch a movie with, there was always a friend nearby.

Dynamight: You always loved that about the dorms.

Deku: [laughing] And you always hated it—at least outwardly. Such an antisocialite.

Dynamight: And you’re an extroverted ass loser.

Deku: I’m the loser?

Dynamight: I mean, yes?? Remember the karaoke nights?

Deku: Those were meant to not be serious! And you’re one-hundred times more loserish for refusing to participate. Because—

Dynamight: [visibly bristling] No the fuck I’m not!

Deku: —because you know, deep down in your heart, that you’re… A terrible. Singer.

[They eye each other for a moment. Dynamight is scowling.]

Deku: Go on then. Next class meet up—you’re going to sing.

Dynamight: Fucking deal.

Deku: And you’re going to go first. Dead sober.

Dynamight: Whatever.

Deku: And I get to choose—

Dynamight: —don’t push your damn luck.

[Deku giggles.]

Deku: That was another thing, actually! I guess ‘cus we were a lot closer, there was a lot more potential for petty arguments and stuff. Like, do you remember in second year when Ochako and Tsuyu—

Dynamight: Oh, that.

Deku: Yes that. Remember when Ochako and Tsuyu had that argument—god knows what about—and they didn’t speak for like two weeks?

Dynamight [scoffs] That was the absolute fucking worst. Somehow, for some reason, they managed to make it into not only their problem, but also everyone else in the dorms’.

[Dynamight massages his palm with his knuckles. Deku appears to be holding back a smile.]

Dynamight: Couldn’t speak to Mina for a week because she was so busy carrying messages between the two of them like some sort of fucking scribe. Jeez.

Deku: Not everyone resolves their problems by getting into physical fights like some sort of vagabond, you know.

Dynamight: Honestly they should’ve just duked it out. Do you know how jarring it was to have Tsuyu sat in my seat—

Deku: They weren’t assigned!

Dynamight: —don’t fuck with me, Deku; everyone knows I always sat next to Ears! Do you know how shitty it was to have to sit next to flipping Iida on the coach to USJ because she didn’t want to be sat behind Round Cheeks anymore?

[Deku is biting hard on his lip in an attempt not to laugh, but he’s nodding seriously as Dynamight speaks.]

Deku: But you and Tenya were friends by then, Kacchan?

Dynamight: It wasn’t about that, dipshit. It was about having to listen to him go on and on and on about how [He makes air quotations with his fingers.] “concerned he was for his friends’ wellbeings”. Like fuck!

[Dynamight runs a hand down his face, shaking his head. Deku snickers.]

Dynamight: There was only so many times I could say “damn, that’s crazy” and still not have him take a hint before I got fucking sick of it.

[Deku freezes, eyeing Dynamight.]

Deku: Wait… Is that why—?

Dynamight: —yes. Yes.

Deku: [incredulous] Seriously!? Just because of Iida, what. Confiding in you?

[Dynamight huffs, sitting back in his chair. He folds his arms across his chest, face slightly pink.]

Dynamight: Well. That and because I was sick to fucking death of those two in general.

Deku: [more incredulous] Sick enough to lock Ochako and Tsuyu in the supplies closet together for three hours!? Kacchan! You’re horrible!

Dynamight: It got them to talk!

Deku: They missed all our afternoon classes! We thought they'd been kidnapped or something!

Dynamight: Yeah, well they weren’t. And it got them to make up—

Deku: Ochako refused to sit next to you at lunch for a month!

Dynamight: You think I didn’t take that into account? Fucking moron—that’s the difference between you and me; I plan ahead for these things.

Deku: Didn’t plan far ahead to prepare for Aizawa doubling your chores as punishment though, did you?

Dynamight: Oi!

Deku: Even looking back, you definitely deserved it… Oh, that reminds me!

[Deku brightens, clapping his hands together.]

Deku: Chores were a lot more fun in the dorms too!

Dynamight: Of course they were. Loser.

Deku: Oh shush. Anyways—doing chores in the dorms was fun because we were on a… what did we call it again? A buddy system? [He nods to himself.] And we did everything on rotation too, so you were never stuck with something you didn't like for too long.

Dynamight: [pursing his lips] All fun and games until we had Tokoyami on laundry duty or something.

[Deku grimaces.]

Deku: Oh my god, right? I think Aizawa completely banned him from doing laundry after a couple months because everyone’s stuff kept on getting dyed pink or purple whenever he sorted the clothes.

Dynamight: No wonder the bastard only wore black—

Deku: —don’t call him a bastard, Kacchan—he had achromatopsia and nobody even knew!

[They laugh.]

AN: Achromatopsia is a form of complete colourblindness, where the individual is only able to see in black and white.

Deku: And he looked so guilty every time people complained about their clothes being ruined too, poor guy.

Dynamight: But you know what?

Deku: What, Kacchan?

Dynamight: I could handle the clothes thing. Even if it was really, really damn annoying. You know who—what was completely unacceptable?

Deku: [pressing his finger to his lip] Can I guess? Marco-polo style?

Dynamight: Go on.

Deku: Was it to do with cleaning duty?

Dynamight: Cold.

Deku: Dinner duty then?

Dynamight: [folding his arms] Getting warmer.

Deku: Boy or girl?

[Dynamight looks Deku up and down, very clearly unimpressed.]

Deku: Oh come on! Just one hint?

Dynamight: You literally only have twenty people to choose from??

Deku: …Please?

Dynamight: …No?

[Deku huffs dramatically.]

Deku: Oh fine! Um… between… Hm–I’m gonna say Shouto?

Dynamight: Right on the goddamn money. Aizawa should’ve banned him from stepping foot in the kitchen from the very first day. Every time it was his turn to cook, he made us—

Dynamight & Deku: [simultaneously] —zaru soba.

[Dynamight turns to look at the camera, face deadpan.]

Dynamight: And I mean like—days on end. Do you people know how it feels to come back, exhausted and starving, from training. You want to eat something hot and filling. You sit down at the table. Only to be given soba for the fourth time that week?

Deku: [giggling] And then the one time the class begged him to make something else it was completely inedible, oh my god—

Dynamight: He even had the audacity to be annoyed!? What the fuck was it even meant to be?

Deku: If I tell you, will you get mad?

[Dynamight gives Deku a look.]

Deku: Okay, I thought not. But, at least, you have to not overreact, Kacchan—you have to promise.

Dynamight: [grouching] …Fine.

[Deku places his chin on his interwoven fingers, expression serious.]

Deku: Miso—

Dynamight: Miso soup!? Are you fucking kidding me?

Deku: Oh for god’s—

Dynamight: One of the easiest dishes to make—ever!?

Deku: —he tried!

Dynamight [stabbing his finger at Deku] Not hard enough! How the fuck do you manage to make Miso have a gravy-like consistency? Deku. Deku this is serious—do you know—

[Deku bursts out laughing, bumping his head on his microphone as he folds over.]

Dynamight: —how hard it is to make Miso soup sweet?

Deku: I do! But he tried his best! Oh my gosh—speaking of cooking, do you remember when Mina washed the dishes after dinner that one time?

[Dynamight blanches, scrunching up his face.]

Dynamight: The smell.

Deku: [shaking his head] Right? Her sweat had the forks and spoons tasting like acid for literal weeks too. How did she go so long without realising?

Dynamight: I think Denki asked her a couple weeks later. Something about not being able to taste her own acid or some shit.

Deku: I think that’s the reason why Aizawa got us to start using gloves and scrubbing brushes?

Dynamight: Either way, she wasn’t allowed back into the kitchen—not her nor Shouto. I made sure.

[Deku turns to face the screen.]

Deku: He literally stuck a sign up on the door and everything, guys. He’s so overkill, isn’t he?

Dynamight: And Aizawa didn’t say a thing. As he should’ve.

Deku: Maybe he just didn’t see the sign?

Dynamight: Oh he definitely did.

Deku: Oh… Ohhh…!

[There’s a pause where the two exchange a glance. Deku snickers a little—then they both burst out laughing.]

Deku: What’s the next question?

Dynamight: [looking at his phone] Another food related one. “Deku has said his favourite food is Katsudon.’ [He flushes.] ‘Are there any specific reasons as to why?”

Deku: Ah!

[Deku immediately brightens, shuffling a little to sit up in his chair.]

Deku: I think it’s a fan-theory—that the reason why my favourite food is Katsudon is because it sounds similar to Kacchan’s first name—Katsuki?

Dynamight: …That sounds weird coming out of your mouth.

Deku: I know right? Gosh. But I guess the rumours are sorta half-true?

[Deku pinches his lips between his pointer finger and thumb, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully.]

Deku: I mean—I can’t remember it clearly, but I probably did just say katsudon was my favourite dish as a kid ‘cause Kacchan was my favourite person and it sounded similar. Not because it was actually my favourite or anything.

[Dynamight flushes impossibly redder, but he’s scowling. He slides slowly down his seat. Deku looks at him and smiles, shaking his head.]

Deku: He knows what I’m going to say next.

Dynamight: [grumbling] I don’t.

Deku: You do. Dynamight: I don’t.

Deku: He does guys—he’s just embarrassed about it. [He cracks his knuckles.] Kacchan didn’t know I was half-lying until, like, a year ago.

Dynamight: You never told me!

Deku: Because you were really happy about it! [He turns to the screen, leaning on his palm.] Whenever I was really sad, or sick, or we had an argument—on birthdays or other special occasions too—he’d make me katsudon, because he thought it’d make me happy.

[Deku sighs, smile widening.]

Deku: So now it’s my favourite. My actual, proper totally-for-real favourite—I guess the sentimental value makes it taste better? [He turns to Dynamight.] Technically, that means I wasn’t lying, so you can’t actually be mad at me.

[Dynamight sighs dramatically, heaving himself up back up his chair and running a hand down his face. Deku chuffs a small, muffled laugh behind his hand.]

Deku: You know guys, he found out—a month ago I think? He still makes me Katsudon.

Dynamight: You’d throw a fit if I didn’t.

Deku: Probably! What’s the next question?

[Dynamight stares down at his phone for a moment, then smirks, eyes flicking over to Deku for a split second.]

Dynamight: …Next question. “If there was one thing you could change about one another, what would it be?”—do we have to keep it to just one thing?

Deku: Hey!

Dynamight: Kidding, kidding. I don’t think there’s anything… Wait. Wait wait, that’s a lie. That is a huge lie.

Deku: [paling slightly] Huh? What?

Dynamight: Guess.

Deku: I don’t… Oh. [He reels back slightly, frowning.] I don’t snore!

Dynamight: He snores. Like a power-drill on concrete, in fact.

[Dynamight shifts to face the camera, arms folded.]

Dynamight: Take the worst snorer you know—

Deku: I swear, Kacchan is gaslighting me. How come nobody else has—

Dynamight: —double that. Triple that. He’s worse.

Deku: I don’t snore! And even if I do, that’s definitely exaggerated!

Dynamight: Yes you fucking do! Or are you telling me I’m hallucinating?

Deku: [blanches] Well—no, but…

Dynamight: No. No buts. You’re even lucky I haven’t fucking smothered you to death in your sleep yet.

[Deku squints at Dynamight, frowning.]

Dynamight: There—that’s what I would change about you. Nothing else.

Deku: That I stop snoring?

Dynamight: [rolls his eyes] That you choke in your sleep whenever you do.

Deku: [indignant] Well—what I would change about Kacchan is… Hmmm… Oh!

[Deku folds his arms, sitting back in his chair.]

Deku: He doesn’t let me take any pictures of him. At all.

Dynamight: [scowling] Why the hell do you need pictures of me?

Deku: [displeased] What are you, a vampire?

Dynamight: A private person, you mean.

Deku: Private with the general public not—not me! I swear, every time I put a camera on him, it’s always— [He sits up, deepening his voice slightly to imitate Dynamight.] “Delete it right now Deku, otherwise I’ll blow your ass up!”

[Dynamight sputters out a laugh suddenly, but slaps his hand over his mouth and clears his throat. Deku’s shoulders silently shake with laughter too.]

Dynamight: I do not fucking sound like that.

Deku: Don’t even try to deny it. Or change the subject—don’t think I didn’t notice. Take! Pictures! With! Me!

Dynamight: In your dreams, asshole.

Deku: A candid photo of you would probably go for like fifteen-thousand yen a piece. This is a business strategy! A business strategy!

Dynamight: I don’t give a fuck if one goes for two million yen! And didn’t you just say the photos would be personal, asshole?

Deku: [sighs] You see guys? He’s so stubborn.

[Deku pauses, then grins.]

Deku: Not that it’s stopped me.

[Dynamight’s head snaps over to Deku, eyes narrowed. Deku, in turn, faces completely away from both Dynamight and the camera, scratching the back of his head.]

Dynamight: Deku… Where’s your phone?

[Dynamight gets up, starting to walk over to Deku.]

Deku: Next question! Next question, haha…!

Dynamight: Deku. The phone.

[Deku’s eyes flicker between the camera and Dynamight as he approaches. He mouths ‘help’ once.]

Dynamight: That’s it—

Deku: The question! The next question, Kacchan! AÏE, the next question, the—!

[The clip immediately cuts to Dynamight being back in his seat, both his and Deku’s phones in his hands. He occasionally scrolls on Deku’s phone. The room is completely silent, save Deku, who’s tapping a finger against his cheek and frowning.]

Deku: I have those pictures backed up to my laptop, you know.

Dynamight: Congratulations then, dickhead—‘cause I’m getting your laptop later.

[Deku groans. Dynamight pockets the phone, grinning wildly.]

Dynamight: Next question! Social media related this time. “Could you guys give us hints about your burner accounts?”

Deku: …Well, I’m fine with the question. [He glances at Dynamight.]

Dynamight: There’s no way anyone will find mine. Yours on the other hand—

Deku: What’s there to lose if people find out, anyway?

Dynamight: Your dignity? Your ranking? Your scalp after Tsubaki rips it off and makes you eat it?

Deku: Well—it’s not exactly private! And that’s an exaggeration!

Dynamight: [sighing] Go on then.

[Deku weaves his fingers together in his lap, then looks up at the ceiling, smiling. Dynamight casts a very despairing look at the camera.]

Deku: What to say, what to say… It’s sorta-popular on twitter?

[Dynamight raises his brows.]

Dynamight: Sorta popular?

Deku: Very popular then—it’s got a few thousand followers. I started it as an All Might fan account with Kacchan when we were kids, and just… never stopped using it, I guess. Mostly to post analysis!

Dynamight: And to argue with strangers about heroes online. [He shakes his head.] Japan’s no. 5 hero, by the way.

Deku: Tough talk from the guy who backseats me 90% of the time.

Dynamight: But see, I do it on my private account.

Deku: Because you’re too cowardly to direct people.

Dynamight: Because I’m not classless.

[Deku glances at the camera, spinning his finger in a circle next to his head.]

Deku: Whatever! Kacchan’s account is as old as mine, but he privated it when we were second-years. Only me and a few of our friends follow it now.

Dynamight: I don’t get why people want to see it so badly.

Deku: You’re right, guys, it’s horrible over here—

Dynamight: Oi!

Deku: —all he does is lurk and private quote saying the meanest things you’ve ever heard in. your. life. You guys think he got nicer since his debut?

Dynamight: Who the fuck thinks I got nicer?

Deku: He didn’t. It’s just all festering on his burner—I’m telling you, that thing is radioactive.

Dynamight: But I never hear you complain when I’m defending you, huh?

Deku: Nobody said I didn’t agree—I said it was vitriolic! I never claimed to be a good person.

[Dynamight rolls his eyes, then glances at his phone.]

Dynamight: Whatever you say, Mother Theresa. Next question: “Would you guys ever be interested in acting as yourselves in a biopic?” No. Not a chance in—

Deku: You can act as yourself in a biopic?

Dynamight: —hell. Wait. What?

[He glares at Deku. Deku leans away, palms up.]

Deku: Why are you looking at me as though that’s common sense?

Dynamight: Are you f—huh!? Why would you not be allowed to act as yourself in a biopic?

Deku: I don’t know! I thought it was, like, an unspoken rule!

Dynamight: Oh for fucks—you know what. Would you?

Deku: Would I what?

Dynamight: Act in a biopic.

Deku: Oh. Ah, no way! I can’t act to save my life. That’s way way way too embarrassing. Like, you know, Kacchan?

Dynamight: Mm?

Deku: You know when you’re watching a movie, and there’s a kissing scene—or a scene with a lot of CGI?

Dynamight: Mm.

Deku: I just—I don’t know. Don’t you ever watch those scenes and think about how the actors must feel?

Dynamight: Go on?

[Deku covers his face, rocking from side to side.]

Deku: All I can think of is how embarrassing and uncomfortable it is. Like—agh! I can’t take it! [He drags his hands down his face.] Trying to act seems literally impossible. How do they not get embarrassed?

Dynamight: [scratching his head] Isn’t that what they’re paid to do? Play pretend?

Deku: But like! Kissing someone you’re not in love with? Or pretending to interact with a CGI animal that doesn’t exist? No—no, I can’t. I can’t. It cringes me out too much.

Dynamight: In what universe would you have to kiss someone in your biopic?

Deku: Well—

[Deku flushes a little, clapping a hand over his mouth.]

Deku: It’s—it’s the principle! Acting is just too embarrassing… In general, I mean.

Dynamight: So you wouldn’t act, even if you were offered an obscene amount of money?

Deku: What is this, ‘would you rather’? No! What, you would?

Dynamight: I mean… yes?

Deku: …Really.

[They eye each other for a moment. Deku is biting on his bottom lip, holding back a smile.]

Dynamight: I lied fuck no—

[They burst out laughing, Dynamight slapping his hands over his head. He makes an odd snorting sound into the microphone.]

Dynamight: There is—no way on this green earth I’d ever—

Deku: Aww, come on! You’d be amazing I’m sure~

Dynamight: [smiling] You tryna set me up, asshole?

[Deku places a hand on his chest, reeling back as though he’s been struck.]

Deku: Of course not! I can’t believe you would ever assume that of me.

Dynamight: Oh yeah?

Deku: [chuckles] Yes, Kacchan. For the listeners though—wanna explain?

Dynamight: Hold on, they might be a little shocked—

Deku: —flabbergasted, I’m sure.

Dynamight: But… I don’t like acting.

Deku: [pressing his hands to his mouth] Oh my god! I—I can’t believe it!

Dynamight: Shush. It’s not about how embarrassing it is, like this loser. [He jabs his thumb at Deku.] I could act. I just don’t want to.

Deku: Which is why Kacchan’s such a nightmare for his PR! No matter how much poor Kobayashi-kun begs him, he just refuses to apologise for anything.

AN: Kobayashi Ryouichi is the head of Dynamight’s PR. He tends to generally avoid attention, unlike Tsubaki.

Dynamight: Because I don’t want to.

Deku: Because you’re a big baby. Thank goodness you’re handsome—nobody would like you otherwise.

Dynamight: Because I stand on what I say. People know the difference.

[He folds his arms, slouching on his chair. Deku stares at him for a moment, then slowly turns to the camera, bemused.]

Dynamight: So I won’t act because I don’t want to. I keep it one-hundred-percent real, one-hundred-percent of the time.

Deku: [eyebrows raised] …If you say so! Next question?

Dynamight: Last one—“outside of pro heroes, who’s the most famous person you have in your contacts?” [Dynamight grimaces, pocketing his phone.] You have famous people in your contacts?

Deku: You don’t?

Dynamight: What kind of—no? I don’t have free time to mingle with celebrities.

Deku: What, not even at galas and stuff?

Dynamight: Who do I speak to aside from you and Class A?

Deku: Not even with all the designer collaborations you do—

Dynamight: —PR handles that.

Deku: [snorts] You’re so antisocial! That means… probably All Might? But that—

Dynamight: —doesn’t count, nah.

Deku: ‘Cause he’s retired, right… You must at least have someone, Kacchan.

Dynamight: I dunno, some bands I listen to?

Deku: [sitting up] Oh! Like who?

Dynamight: [snorts] Like I’d say here. I’ve been able to go to concerts peacefully so far, I’m not about to ruin it now.

[Deku deflates a little, huffing.]

Deku: I guess it makes sense. [He smirks.] For the free tickets?

Dynamight: Oh absolutely. [Deku bursts out laughing.] No shame in saying that.

Deku: So that’s why we always—ohh.

Dynamight: Exactly, so be grateful.

Deku: Well for me—who else, who else… Oh! The president of the United States maybe? Dynamight: Hm… Wuh?

[Dynamight freezes, then slowly turns his torso to face Deku.]

Dynamight: Say that again. Slowly.

Deku: [haltingly] The… The president of… the United States?

[Dynamight pinches his brow, taking a deep breath in.]

Dynamight: Deku.

Deku: Kacchan?

Dynamight: Deku—and I say this with all the love in my heart—Why the fuck do you have the president of the United States’ phone number?

[Dynamight takes Deku’s phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and scrolling a few times. Deku is beginning to wave his arms back and forth, laughing.]

Deku: It was after graduation! I went with All Might to America for some reason—she gave me a medal? Still don’t know what it’s for… But she gave me her phone number too and told me to hold onto it in case of—I think she said ‘national emergency’? My English wasn’t the best.

[He shrugs feebly.]

Dynamight: What in the—world…?

Deku: I don’t—I don’t really think I can disclose more on air without becoming, like, an enemy of the state or something.

Dynamight: …Have you messaged her?

Deku: On my phone? No! Why would I ever message her?

Dynamight: Why the fuck would the president give you her number if she didn’t want you to message her?

Deku: Who—what would I even message her about?

Dynamight: Free visa? Free American citizenship? A tour of the white house?

Deku: Is this your whole thing? Scrounging off your phone contacts—

Dynamight: [glaring] Scrounging? This is the president of the global hegemon—do you really think she’d be losing anything?

Deku: You know what, let’s just—let’s just end the episode here. We can talk later. Thanks for watching guys! Make sure—

Dynamight: Hey! Don’t ignore me—

Deku: —to like and comment prompts for our next episodes! We’ll be hosting another—

Dynamight: You know what? [He gets up, swiping an empty confetti cannon from the floor.] Fuck this.

Deku: —Q&A when we hit another milestone! Thanks for watching and—

[Dynamight flings the empty cannon at Deku’s head. At the moment it makes the connection with his head, the outro plays.]