Questions in the Human Relations category.
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October 8
Help me make a long distance fuss!
My best friend turns 50 in January. She likes a bit of fuss made for her birthday. How do I do this from faraway? [more inside]
How can I help my father to be safe from falling?
My father is in his late eighties. He's been falling for a while now, and hurt himself quite a few times, but neither he, nor my siblings seem to understand how dangerous this can be for his autonomy and quality of life. My question is:
what practical things can I do to make his environment safer? [more inside]
October 7
Calmness during conflict
A colleague has upset me at work. I have written to my boss about this. I might discuss the issue during a video call with one or two of my superiors. (We are remote from each other.) Do you have any mind tricks to help me be calm and even during such a discussion? [more inside]
October 6
Reconnecting to break up with a friend?
Reconnecting with an old friend, but I don’t think I want to be friends anymore. I’ve never done a friend breakup and usually do a mutual fade away, but I don’t think I can do that this time. I also want to give reconnecting a chance, but I have a hunch it’s not going to work out. [more inside]
October 4
Might move in with my boyfriend?
I'd love some help thinking through whether I should move in with my boyfriend of 2 years when my lease ends early next year. For context, my ideal would be to do Living Apart Together forever, but for him, moving in together is an important milestone in a serious relationship. My idea of home is somewhere I can be by myself, for him home doesn’t feel like home unless there’s loved ones to return to. His wanting this holds a lot of weight in my consideration because I really care about him and the relationship, so I’m thinking I might move in. [more inside]
How Do I Learn to Manage People, Over Email and From a Distance?
I am out of state and am trying to help my elderly relative - for whom I have power of attorney - with various aspects of their estate, but I'm finding that some folks just don't follow through with email replies - leaving me high and dry - and I'm realizing I don't know how to manage this (at work I just escalate to my boss). How do people with people management skills manage these types of situation/ what actions do you take when you're not getting a response or what you need, and how do I learn how to do this? [more inside]
October 3
Tips for Living with a Chaos Muppet
My mother is a chaos muppet. I am an order muppet. Thus far, I have not been very good at protecting my lovely simple order-muppet world from her chaos. Have you mastered this art in your own life? Do you have some advice for me? (Obviously the simple path is "disappear and never contact her again" but this is not a practical thing at the moment.) [more inside]
October 1
Addressing issues at long term care facility
I am concerned about issues I have witnessed at a long term care facility where a loved one resides. The issues are related to the physical condition of the facility and could pose safety issues for residents. The issues are already listed as violations in their latest state inspection which was posted several months ago.
My loved one has been well cared for in this facility, and I don't want to jeopardize their situation. They can not move. But I am uncomfortable with these unaddressed building safety matters. What can I do to help? [more inside]
September 29
to flirt or just to shoot my shot?
I’m a mid-twenties woman, I like a mid-twenties guy who is an acquaintance/friendly but not close friends and I’ve been overthinking what to do! [more inside]
September 28
not so much grief as a moral injury
How do you hold the moral injury/grief of a sibling not acknowledging what you went through was abuse? Dead father, big blowup, I-also-made-mistakes edition. [more inside]
Should I move in with my dad and break up with my boyfriend, or no?
I am 31F and at a cross roads. I am living alone check to check and dating a man for 2.5 years. I am 20k in debt and he is 54k in debt. We were going to move in together in November when my lease is up, but I’ve woken up a bit and think I maybe should move in with my dad instead. I’m not sure if our financial situations will work together or lifestyle. [more inside]
Understanding why psychologists say "Don't Share you own Story"
Stories have an amazing power to connect and empathise with people. However, psychologists often recommend NOT to sharing your own story when empathising with people. [more inside]
September 27
How do I become better at noticing what's going on around me?
I often miss things around me that I would otherwise have reacted to or let someone else know. This causes a great deal of frustration to my partner, who feels I should be more aware, and that that would make me more dependable, and life less stressful.
This can be leaving an illuminated iPad in the front seat of a parked car, not considering if the area was safe or risky, more trivial things like not noticing a door isn't locked, or just asking them about things I would have known if had I noticed.
Does anybody have good ideas or experiences of improving their ongoing awareness of their surroundings, and how to achieve that?
Name this attitude / worldview
“I suffered, so you should suffer too.” Does this attitude or sentiment have a name? [more inside]
September 26
tell me what you find when you read my mind
I feel a bit ridiculous but here goes. When I ask my romantic partners to do something that would make me feel cared for, the act of me asking for it negates any special feelings from them doing it. It then doesn't feel like they're doing it because they care, they're doing it because I asked them to. But they're obviously doing it because they care and want me to be happy. How do I solve this in my brain? (examples inside) [more inside]
September 25
Any states that require licensing of non-therapist social workers?
Are there any states in which all social workers are required to be licensed, not just therapist social workers? In California, most social workers do not have to be licensed because they are not trained as therapists, and they have no master's degrees. This creates tremendous potential for abuse of power by unlicensed social workers, with no oversight, unlike doctors, lawyers, nurses, and other persons who have power over poor, disabled and elderly persons. If something goes wrong in those and other licensed professions, the family has recourse to discipline by the state authority.
I'm looking for a state that has full licensing for social workers so that I can get help to advocate for such a system in California, where I have been shocked by the abuses of unlicensed social workers for the last 15 years. [more inside]
September 23
What is hypnotic suggestive power called?
I have a character I'm developing who has a lot of dark power psychically. But in what must at least partially be a supernatural way, she can invite you to read a book she gives you and you'll see your own life-story written on the pages. What term, occultic or otherwise, might this "power" be called?
September 21
Dealing with doomers
In the past few years, several people in my community have taken a pretty hard turn into leftist doomerism. Looking for advice on dealing with them (and with doomerism in general) [more inside]
September 20
Self-worth starting to get tied to job..
How do I untie it? [more inside]
September 18
Help me lead a harvest sing along!
I have the privilege of putting together a sing-along with some scout kiddos and the residents of a local nursing home. I need help compiling a song list! [more inside]