Can you show us on the bear, Gary?

Here's someone doing some good work for charity:

It's Gordon Smart, who's been sponsored to break the record for "looking awkward in a photo stood next to the most people possible".

Alright, it's not - this is Gary Barlow's supergroup for Children In Need. Sun readers are being asked to come up with a name for the group - I'm thinking Hardly Band Aid, Who's The Suit? or Where Did He Touch You.

Of course, if Gary Barlow really wanted to help Children In Need, he could stop courting the showbiz editor of a newspaper whose company dedicates much of its corporate time to trying to crush the life out of the BBC which would render things like CIN impossible. Just an idea.

Gary, Gary... how about you take me back for charity? I could be a good cause, couldn't I, Gary? You could offset me against tax or something

Yes, Children In Need is doing its bit for abandoned, child-like men, seeing them reunited with the families they once walked out on, as Take That find something for Robbie Williams to do.

Gordon's excited, although he hasn't yet seemed to understand that a permanent reunion between That and It will result in a 50% drop in stories for his column.

Come with us as Gordon gives us a glimpse behind the scenes at the preparations:

I also clocked Gary Barlow when I was down there, dunking a digestive into a cup of tea like he'd spent the morning Artexing ceilings - not putting together a set list for a stellar line-up of talent.

He was eating a biscuit. An ordinary biscuit, too - not a showy biscuit like an iced party ring; not something French like a Bourbon. That's how down-to-earth he is. Eating biscuits like you and me.

Ah, the loss of innocence: faced with Kanye West's suggestions that he and Britney Spears only won MTV awards because they agreed to schlep over to the ceremonies, Gordon Smart suddenly has his 'it's a small man behind a curtain' moment:

Hollywood actor Jared’s dismal band 30SECONDS TO MARS picked up the Rock Out and Video Star awards in Liverpool.

He was conveniently also co-hosting the show with KATY PERRY.

And, yes, the I Kissed A Girl star walked away with a gong too — for best New Act.

Still, he's handling the loss of innocence well, and Rebekah Wade is thinking Smart might be old enough that she won't have to dress up as Santa to leave the News International Christmas Bonus at the end of his bed this year.

Gordon doesn't point out that it's a bit rich for Kanye to complain that they give him an award for turning up when a couple of years ago he moaned that he wouldn't turn up any more as he kept going to MTV prizegivings and leaving empty-handed.

Meanwhile, tomorrow night's Children In Need concert is going to see some sort of Sugababe-Morrison mash-up. Keisha Buchanan has fears over her duet:

"He approached me specifically as he said he really liked my voice. I was shocked. I know I can sing but its weird coming from someone like that. I'm worried I'll make him look bad."

Come on, Keisha, you'd have to really stink to make things James Morrison seem worse than he actually is.

The Spice Girls' comeback single is achieving the dubious distinction of shaming both them and Children In Need. Indeed, it's managed to pull of the feat of being the lowest-selling CIN single ever, which - considering its antecedents include Shane Richie doing I'm Your Man and Johnny Vaughan singing with Denise Van Outen - is quite a thing.

On the other hand, nobody really much wanted anything new from the Spices anyway, and the single sounds like an offcut from the disappointing third album.

Next year, get John Simm in to do something from the Spices back catalogue in character as the Master. Stop, perhaps.

The strongest argument for strengthening the welfare state is, surely, that if we remove all children from lives of want, we can stop asking Terry Wogan to struggle through seven hours of live television.

They're claiming that Boyzone are back together "just for Children In Need"; a one-off super special that might be more special if they'd not already released the tour dates for the ongoing comeback. And if it wasn't Boyzone.

Also back in room have been the Spice Girls, playing together for the first time in over eighteen hours. Their lucrative actual comeback for Victoria's Secrets means that time and money which could have been put to charitable uses (or perhaps retaining a couple of newsroom jobs) has gone on a satellite link-up.

The Spices were sat in the Dancing With The Stars studio behind the judges' desk - it looked a little like those sci-fi movies where aliens land and announce plans for crushing our puny race during a hastily-convened press conference. Except no alien invasion squad would have been quite as shambolic as the Spices: talking over each, getting lost in sexual innuendo with Terry Wogan (you wouldn't, would you?) and, at the middle, Victoria Beckham looking as confused as Peter Davison would on meeting David Tennent's doctor.

By the time they came to actually do a song - that ballad which they've given away to the charity - Mel C had changed her costume, the better to resemble a Victorian undertaker. Complete with a big black top hat. We're seeing it as a cry for help.

We're not totally sure, either, but we think they might have recast Scary Spice.

Other musical highlights so far has been the discovery that that woman off Holby City has a pretty good soul voice and that John Barrowman might have excellent delivery for show tunes, but can't actually sing properly. This is a bit of a problem when he's doing Your Song, although if it means that his "songs for your mother" Christmas album turns out to be a one-off, we'll feel a lot more comfortable watching the next series of Torchwood. Jason Donovan, surprisingly, is now a dead ringer for Tony Blair.

They also had a duo called Sam & Mark on in the first fifteen minutes - it's not exactly A Night Of A Thousand Stars stuff when you have to hit Google to remind yourself who they hell it is you're watching. Apparently, they lost on Pop Idol; they still sing like they're hoping there might be a telephone vote to save them.

Steve Harley is currently on, doing a regional opt-out for the East. He usually turns up doing Come Up And See Me whenever people are raising money anywhere in Anglia; he probably earns more for charity than he does for himself these days.

It's all in a good cause, of course: bbc.co.uk.pudsey to donate online.

Children In Need, eh? They've been raising money all these years, and still nobody's been able to sort out what's wrong with that bear.

They're having another go this year, and amongst the entertainmentish bits this year we're getting lumbered with a Boyzone reunion. Apparently to demonstrate that to do good, you must sometimes do a great evil.

There's a chilling sense that this is just a toe-in-the-water preparatory to a new album/full tour slog. We're thrilled, as you can imagine.

The only upside: does this mean Westlife can bugger off now?

From tonight's Newsnight mailout: