Would you fall in love with me again?
• Synopsis: he knew football changed him. That's why he couldn't help but be scared. Would you still love him the same?
• Characters: Kunigami Rensuke (post Wild Card), Sae Itoshi, Michael Kaiser
• TW: Kaiser had an episode, the f word like one time
• A/N: EPIC consumed my mind.
That was the first thing you noticed when Kunigami Rensuke, your boyfriend, knocked at your door on a random wednesday after disappearing for 7 months to go to some "Blue Lock" project.
"Is it really you?" You asked, voice dripping with doubt and love at the same time. Your knuckles were white from how strong your hold on the door was "Or am I dreaming once again?"
"I am not the man you feel in love with" he said, his deep voice wavering, not even giving you a proper 'Hello, how are you?' after so long "I am not your calm and gentle boyfriend. I've changed. For good"
You stayed silent, though it was not by choice. You were just so, so overwhelmed by emotions that it seemed like you had forgotten how to speak. Your tongue felt heavy inside your mouth, and your eyes were wide, unmoving, despite the tears threatning to spill from them, almost as if if you blinked, Kunigami, your house and everything else around you would disappear, and this would be nothing more than one of the countless dreams you had with him.
"Kuni" you started, getting closer. Your hand perfectly cupped his cheeks, as if it was meant to be there, and he instantly leaned in, almost like it was second nature. You caressed the dark circles under his eyes, and you were sure you had similar ones from the nights spent locked in your room, crying and missing him "What kind of things did you do?"
"I gave up on my hero ideology" he lifted one of his hands and put it right above yours, still on his cheeks "As I destroyed friends and teammates like they were objects I could use" he closed his eyes, basking in your warmth. Gently, he kissed the inner part of your wrist and sighed in relief, almost as if he was still convincing himself that you were, indeed, very real "And I am not the love you once knew"
The tears that were in your eyes finally fell. You could feel his hands trembling - if you were feeling scared, he was terrified. Terrified that you would reject him. Terrified to be cast away from your life. Terrified of who he became.
"Well, if that's true" you swallowed hard, blinking as more tears kept coming "Could you do me a favour? Just a moment of labour, I swear. Could you please pick up that flower over there?" You pointed to a Baby's breath, neatly arranged at the floor, beside the door "I think it's whitering. Could you carry it over? Take it far away from here, please"
Rensuke eyes suddenly shot opened, his own tears starting to appear
"How could you say this?" His voice got patheticay loud, and he despised himself for crying in front of you, but it couldn't be helped. What you asked him was ridiculous "I helped you plant that baby's breath on our first date. It's a simbol of everlasting love - our everlasting love." His voice grew louder, more desperate, like he was talking to someone kilometers away from him "I can't do that, you know it. The only way to move it is to cut it from it's roots."
You couldn't help but smile. You grabbed his free hand with your own one, looking directly at his eyes. It was like the world around you both had stopped, and even the birds' singing and cars noises ceased. You could only hear Kunigami's frantic breath in contrast to your calm one.
"Well, only my boyfriend knew when that flower was planted" you smiled, getting closer to him. You rested your forehead in his, closing your eyes. He followed your actions, sighing "So I guess that makes him you"
You pointed to his chest, right where his heart should be
"Don't tell me you're not the same person. It's still you, right here. And you know I've been waiting for you"
He opened his eyes, staring right at yours as both of you cried, ugly sobs coming from your mouths.
He was still your boyfriend, after all. Your lovely, amazing boyfriend who you loved so much it hurt.
And when he finally kissed you after months, trying to convey a love so raw and genuine through his actions, everything seemed to fall back into place again.
That's how long you waited for Sae Itoshi to come back from Spain. To come back to Japan. To come back to you.
5 years of rejecting suitors. 5 years of dreaming of him every night. 5 years of suffering, yearning for your boyfriend who was all the way across the globe.
That's why, when he finally comes home looking even worse than you, you were not surprised.
"Are my eyes decieving me?" You smiled lightly, your nose already feeling stuffed - you knew you were about to cry
He muttered your name dreamily, staring at you intensely.
He's not sure how, but he managed to find the strength to smile your way. God, how long has it been since the last time he smiled? And yet, just by being next to you, he felt his lips stretching up.
Something was strange, though. You knew him. You knew Sae Itoshi, the boy who dreamed big and who you fell in love with. You knew him.
"Your eyes look tired" you frowned, getting closer and closer until your your knees were practically touching"Your smile's torn. You're different, Sae"
His smile fell, and you almost regretted what you had said. He grabbed your hands and caressed them with his thumbs, avoiding your gaze - something uncharacteristic of him
"Would you fall in love with me again?" He asked, sighing. His eyes finally met your gaze, and you could see the sadness in them - almost as if he was a young Atlas, carrying the weight of the whole world on his shoulders. You wish you could help somehow, ease his burden, but it was clear you couldn't "If you knew all I've done. The things I can not change."
His eyes sparkled, and Sae Itoshi never cried, but you swore you saw them getting a bit glossy. You didn't know what he was talking about, but he clearly had a fight with someone - probably a teammate or something.
"And I know you've been waiting for me" Sae continued, not giving you a chance to answer "But I am not the love you knew before. I am not the man you adored. I'm no longer him" he let go of your hands, staring right at you like he could read your soul - even though you knew if he could, he wouldn't understand a single thing. You weren't understanding your own thoughts. How could he?
"So tell me, Amor" he said, his spanish pronunciation way better than you remembered it to be "Would you fall in love with me again?"
A gentle silence settled between you, which was strange. You've dreamed for so long about what you'd say to him once you saw him again, and yet when you saw him you were completely at a loss of words.
Sae took your silence as an answer. He began to walk away, head hung low and hands on his pockets.
He knew this would happen. He knew it. He was not that Sae Itoshi. He was not even human. He was a machine, made for playing soccer. He knew you wouldn't accept him.
He knew it. Yet it didn't hurt any less when he grabbed his travel bag and started distancing himself from you
"I..." he heard you saying, and even though he tried not to, he stopped. He needed to hear your answer. His brain and heart needed closure.
He could practically hear the gears on your head turning, trying to find the right words to convey your feelings
"I will fall in love with you over and over again" you answered, voice steady "Doesn't matter how long it's been, Sae, I will always love you. I've waited for you. And I will always wait for you. You're mine, Sae. And I'm yours. That's something no amount of time or distance is ever going to change"
A gentle silence settled between you both once again, as you stared at eachother's eyes. The 10 meters that separated you both suddenly felt like 10 kilometers.
The snow felt like quicksand while Sae made his way to you, first taking hesitant steps, and then almost running to get to you.
And when he hugged you and you fit perfectly into the crook of his shoulder, you knew you'd be alright.
You were not going to give up on each other. No matter how hard things were.
You both then kissed each other, sealing that silent promise.
Kaiser has always been a hard person to deal with, but he's been way worse after the Neo Egoist League.
He was screaming at the smallest inconveniences, spent days without even sparing you a glance, trained till he passed out from exhaustion and was making even more snarky remarks, if it was even possible. He was not fine, and you knew that. You knew him.
Your suspicions were confirmed during one of his episodes.
Kaiser usually had some episodes while remembering his childhood trauma, and he always confided in you to help him overcome them.
You were proud of this arrangement, actually: trust has always been what held your relationship together.
That's why you couldn't make sense as to why he was hiding from you during one of the worsts - if not the worst - episodes you've ever seen him had.
"Micha?" You asked, finding him curled up in the corner of your shared closet "Are you okay?"
"Don't come near me" He whispered. His eyes were red from crying, and you could swear you saw a purple bruise on his neck. Why didn't he call you?
"Okay" your voice was gentle, as if you were soothing a kid "Okay. I won't come closer. But I'm right here. Just focus on my breath, my love. Can you follow it for me, please?" You began breathing louder, hoping he'd follow your lead
Sadly, he began shaking his head, breathing growing even more frantic
"I-I can't" he muttered, shaking like a leaf
"Of course you can" you whispered "C'mon, breath in" you breathed in and held for a while "breath out" you repeated. Finally, he followed your commands
Luckily, after a while, his breath began to come back to normal, and you pondered just what was going through his head to make him act like that.
"Can I come closer now?" You asked, voice still gentle. When he nodded, you wasted no time in sitting right next to him, still not touching his body
Silence was loud between you too, and you wondered if he was even going to speak something about it
"W..." he began, voice breaking. He then took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he was about to say "Would you fall in love with me again... if I lost all I had?" He asked. He gave you no time to think begore he continued "Would you have fallen in love with me if I was just a little kid with a fucked up, drunk dad? If I had no money, name or fame?" He looked at you, staring at your eyes like he would forget them the moment he looked elsewhere "Would you?"
Once again, silence enveloped the room.
"Forget it" he muttered, starting to get up "It was a stupid question"
He was almost standing when you put your hands on his knee, earning a confused "huh?" from him.
Just like he did earlier, you took a deep breath
"Michael, I don't care how, where, or when. You're mine. I love you for you. I don't care for your name, your value or your football abilities. I don't want to see Michael Kaiser, the emperor. I want to see Michael Kaiser, my boyfriend." You also got up, slowly reaching for his hands, like you were asking for permission. "I love you, Kaiser"
He tried really hard not to cry again. You could see it. The way he contorted his face before letting the tears fall freely.
One after the other, he began crying hard. Sobbing and hiccuping and all. He would never cry in front of anyone. Others would never see this version of him. But you would.
In a swift moment, you hugged him, feeling his arms hold you stronger as his cries got louder, uglier.
Strangely, he wasn't embarrassed. He was relieved.
Relieved he could be vulnerable in front of you. Relieved he could be himself.
He couldn't hide anything from you, could he? Well, he hoped he could at least hide that ring in his socks drawer.
But not for much longer, though. After what happened, he'll wife you up was soon as possible.
But for now, only the feeling of your arms grounding him was enough.