People will, and are allowed, to find you or things you do or the way you act annoying or upsetting or unpleasant.

What people are not allowed to do is treat you badly because of those things. But you cannot control the way people feel. You cannot force them to not feel those things.

Its just a fact of life. Everyone has sounds, sensations or things that annoy them or are unpleasant to experience. I can't stand the sound of children crying or screaming. It grates on every single nerve I have.

I'm entitled to feel that way. I can't help feeling that way. I can't just magically not be annoyed by screaming children anymore.

Your tics will irritate some people. Your anger outbursts will be upsetting to some people. Your endless rambling and interrupting or loud voice will be off-putting to some people.

And its perfectly fine. For you and for them.

I say this as someone who writes too.

don't tell the authors what to do. if you think you could do better than sit down and write yourself if you've got a stick up your ass like that.

let authors tell the story THEY want to tell, we're all passenger on their ships and you better have RESPECT for their storytelling and their craft. don't tell them to tone something down, don't tell them how to write their characters, don't fuck with their narrative. they have a PLAN and many IF writers already have a whole story outlined.

authors don't owe you answers to all questions, especially if it concerns the future plot developments. create theories but don't push them on authors.

SUPPORT authors, SEND POSITIVE WORDS, COMMENTS, CREATE FAN CONTENT PRAISING THE WORK!!!

be nice, just be fucking nice. many creators of IFs work a DAY JOB!!! they don't write 24/7 and you should respect their time/their life.

send authors support, always. don't rush them, don't trash them, don't be dipshits.

by being dipshits, you will make authors not love their work. this is what happened with AMR 2 where the fan behavior was atrocious. don't be the reason an author feels pressured to write their work to fit your wants.

support the creation, support the process, support the person who is sharing their craft with you.

this behavior is something I see extensively in several IFs I read and I don't read a lot tbh. but this has to be said.

You may ask, "but what if the cat is fractious? Should I just let myself get bit?"

No, of course not. Even this particular campaign notes: "There may be exceptional circumstances in which there is a real and imminent risk of injury to a person where very brief heavy restraint, such as scruffing, may be necessary. However, these occasions should be rare and exceptional, never ever routine."

Our goal should be to reduce the likelihood that cats will feel need to bite/swat by implementing appropriate low stress handling techniques. There's a lot that goes into this, and honestly it is kind of a steep learning curve at first. But once you start to get the hang of it, you'll see a huge difference.

The thing about scruffing is that it is a LAST resort. Not a second resort, or a third resort. It is something you use if you need immediate and brief control of a cat. That may be for safety, or to implement life saving care. It is NOT meant for prolonged restraint, especially for something routine (i.e. wellness blood work, nail trims, vaccines, etc). Basically, if you have to scruff a cat for something routine, you should not continue that procedure. A cat should not be biting/swatting, screaming, or excessively struggling for something that is not essential to their immediate health. If they are, we need to stop and reassess, and potentially consider oral or injectable sedation. I think that's where some disconnect comes in, at least with my own experiences

Yes, we are no longer scruffing as a first resort at my work (or doing the "scruff and stretch" for blood draws), and I think this is true in many clinics. And that's great! But getting people to stop grabbing the scruff and continuing with a kitten's FIV/FeLV test because they started screeching and nipping? We're working on that. It's a good lesson for me too, because yes, I did say that you can scruff to protect yourself from getting bit. So I've gotten some push back because a cat was actively struggling or trying to bite/swat when I've called someone out for scruffing. The point is, they shouldn't be getting that worked up in the first place. And if they are, and we have to scruff to protect ourselves, we should not be continuing, because the animal is already way too stressed.

Dr. Sophia Yin said something in a lecture that I thought really put things in perspective. She asked, "is it appropriate to strap down uncooperative children at the dentist?" While of course we need to be careful with anthropomorphism, I think this is a case where the comparison is very apt. Because cats, like kids at the dentist, are reacting this way due to fear and stress. It's not out of malice or spite, it's fear. So we, as veterinary professionals, need to stop accepting that forceful, full body restraint (which has been shown to increase the amount the cat struggles and also increase their aversion to the area they were restrained) is acceptable in anything other than dire circumstances.

I encourage all veterinary professionals and cat owners to get familiar with the AAFP/ISFM 2022 Feline Handling Guidelines. Because this is gold standard medicine, and cats deserve better.

I spent some time in the disorder related subreddits (big mistake, I know) and stumbled upon the following comment:

"ASPD shouldn't be a personality disorder diagnosis, its just bad behavior and has nothing to do with personality"

Lets get into why that is absolute bullshit, shall we?

1. ASPD is more than just behavior. While no diagnostic mannual is able to describe the whole range of experiences that fall under a diagnostic label, even the DSM-5, with its very behavior heavy criteria, manages it to get that point across. You'll find mentions of a "lack of remorse", "irritability & aggressiveness" and "disregard for the safety of self or others" in the main criteria.

The "associated features supporting diagnosis" section, mentions the following additional traits, that could be seen as not strictly behavioral in nature: lack of empathy, inflated & arrogant self appraisal, glib/superficial charm, inability to tolerate boredom and depressed mood.

The proposed alternative ASPD criteria (that is not used for diagnosis, but is used to understand the condition) describes these traits: egocentrism, absence of prosocial inner standards, lack of remorse, lack of concern for others, incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, callousness, persistent/frequent angry feelings, boredom proneness, lack of concern for ones limitations, denial of the reality of personal danger and lack of respect for promises & aggreements.

All of those traits are not strictly behavioral, but have something to do with ones emotional state and thought patterns. Its the basis, that provokes and influences behavior sure, but claiming that ASPD is nothing beyond that behavior is ridiculous.

2. The definition of a personality seems to be along the lines of being "a characteristic way of thinking, feeling and behaving" or "any person's collection of interrelated behavioral, cognitive, and emotional patterns that comprise a person’s unique adjustment to life". Everyone will have their personal definition, but this does overlap with how the DSM-5 defines a personality and thus defines the areas in which a personality is seen as disordered (whether you are a fan of that concept or not).

As mentioned above, theres a lot of evidence in the criteria that ASPD is not just comprised of "disordered behavior", but also "disordered emotions" and "disordered thought patterns". Or, if you prefer to think of it this way, you could say that ASPD affects all three areas in a way that disables the individual.

Now, a very interesting part of the personality definition is the "unique adjustment to life" part and that brings me to my next point.

3. A personality disorder is caused by a mix of different factors, but most often includes a genetic and an environmental factor. This environmental factor usually has something to do with trauma and/or adjusting to a difficult life situation.

And oh damn would you look at that...its almost as if ASPD, as a personality disorder, is a unique way of adjusting to that difficult life situation, which totally overlaps with the definition of a personality. Shocker...

All sillyness aside, ASPD is a deeply ingrained pattern that forms as a way of surviving & being able to deal with what life throws at you. Its not superficial, its not just behavior. It influences everything. You can think of it as a liquid, that seeps into the smallest crevices of your brain and sticks to the walls and refuses to leave again.

The fact that ASPD is so often singled out, as being "just bad behavior" is no mistake of course. Its due to stigma and the way in which people view antisocial traits as bad & undesirable (tho the same could be said for all other PDs in one way or another). It proves yet again, how little some people know about the subject and how much more awareness is needed.

Some part of the blame, probably lies with the behavioral focus in the DSM-5 main criteria, which is often the only one people learn about! Many do not bother looking beyond and learning about the condition from the people who have it, or explore what it simply is in the end: an adjustment of personality that just made sense/was essential and cannot be entirely reversed again (and the argument could be made, that it shouldn't have to be reversed).

Let me quickly dive into some personal examples at the end, to make the whole thing a bit more graspable:

• ASPD is more than just behavior, because if I see someone cry because they hurt themselves, I cannot feel with them and I do not feel any desire to help them. I will think about them as weak and annoying, I will secretly hope that they just stop so I don't have to deal with it and I will have to work hard to keep the annoyance that I feel off my face. The behavioral part will be what I do about it. Do I get up, turn around and walk away? Or do I sit down and comfort them and try to help, even if it entirely goes against any emotion I feel & any thoughts I have?

• ASPD is more than just behavior, because if someone just so happens to bump into me in public, I will feel anger. I will be furious, curse words will run trough my head and my brain will play trough multiple scenarios of revenge and reactions that would be satisfying to me. I will think every negative thing under the sun, I will feel every bit of rage, disdain and annoyance. But the behavioral part is what I do about it. Do I let my aggression out and make that persons day as miserable as they just made mine? Or do I wave it off, smile and go on, even if everything inside me wants to claw its way trough their face?