The Top 12 Traits That Make a Person Unlikeable

Co-authored by Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: October 19, 2024 References

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Let’s face it: nobody wants to be disliked. So, how can you make sure you get off on the right foot with all the people in your life? You've come to the right place–we’ll be walking you through some of the most unlikeable traits out there, so you know what to avoid in your future interactions. By knowing what not to do, you’ll be one step closer to making a good impression in your next conversation.

Common Unlikeable Traits

Some traits that are considered unlikeable include being overly negative or critical, talking only about yourself, and having low emotional intelligence. It can also be unlikeable to humblebrag, overshare, or name-drop to make yourself look better.

1

Humblebragging

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Humble-bragging comes across as insincere and arrogant. Like the name suggests, humble-bragging involves hiding an achievement behind a complaint or a casual comment. At best, humblebrags come off as inauthentic and cringey; at worst, they appear rude and insensitive. You’re better off just sharing your achievement instead of beating around the bush.^{[1]
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- What Not to Say: “I went to the car dealership yesterday, but I had such a hard time picking between an Audi and a Porsche.”
- What to Say: “I’m so excited–I put a downpayment on my new car yesterday!”

2

Overly serious attitude

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It’s hard to get along with someone who can’t find humor in anything. Just to be clear, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being on task and taking your work seriously, but try not to let that focus bleed into your day-to-day conversations. Don’t be afraid to crack a smile, say something funny, or laugh at someone else’s joke. The better you play with others, the more likable you’ll be!^{[2]
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- What Not to Say: “Did you not like my other outfits?”
- What to Say: “Thanks so much! The ol’ jeans and cardigan were getting a little boring, so I wanted to change things up.”

3

Lack of engagement

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Nobody likes feeling ignored or brushed aside during a conversation. Instead, always practice active listening during your chats, whether you’re talking with a friend, co-worker, acquaintance, or perfect stranger. Always ask thoughtful follow-up questions when the person is done talking, and take a moment to rehash exactly what they said.^{[3]
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Greater Good in Action
An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life

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Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Use empathetic language, like “I can tell that this is really weighing on you” or “That situation sounds really exasperating.”
- Make clear eye contact throughout the conversation while keeping your posture nice and relaxed.
- Let the person finish their statement instead of interrupting.^{[5]
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  Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Leave your phone in your pocket, even if you’ve just gotten a notification.^{[6]
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  Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}

4

Low emotional intelligence

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Emotionally unintelligent people are almost impossible to get along with. No one wants to spend time around a glorified child who’s always yelling at others, passing the buck, calling people names, and making impulsive decisions. Acting like an adult is a great way to be treated like an adult; plus, it’ll win you more points in the likeability category. Here are some other emotionally unintelligent behaviors to be on the lookout for:^{[7]
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- Keeping conversations self-centered
- Bullying people
- Lying to avoid the consequences

5

Name-dropping

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Name-dropping comes across as a bit needy and desperate. It won’t bring you any street cred with your peers–it just looks like you’re banking on someone else’s status to give yourself more credibility.^{[8]
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- What Not to Say: “I went to the same college as Tom Brady.”
- What to Say: “I went to the University of Michigan–it was pretty cold, but the football games were great. Go Wolverines!”

6

Spreading rumors

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Rumors are a cheap, ineffective way to connect with others. Rude, hurtful gossip might boost your popularity in the short term, but it doesn’t get you any long-term credibility. Over time, people will view you as insecure, mean, immature, and definitely not likable.^{[9]
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Research source} Instead of spreading negative rumors, spread positivity among your friends, co-workers, and acquaintances. You might say:
- “I heard that Sharon volunteers at the animal shelter every weekend. Isn’t that awesome?”
- “I bumped into Matt at a blood drive, and he said it was his fourth time donating this year. What a great guy!”
- “Katie worked an extra 2 hours to get everything ready for tomorrow. I wish I had her work ethic!”

7

Close-mindedness

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It’s tough to get along with a person who only sees the world in black and white. Closed-mindedness can manifest in many different ways, from blatant intolerance to an unwillingness to see things from a different point of view. In any case, being close-minded definitely doesn’t endear you to other people.^{[10]
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Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.} Try using these ideas to approach your day-to-day conversations and situations with a more open mind:
- Asking questions^{[12]
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  Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
- Spending time with open-minded people
- Staying calm during a difficult conversation or debate^{[13]
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8

Oversharing

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Oversharing builds awkwardness and discomfort, not friendship. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being vulnerable around friends and family–the real key is building a strong relationship first. Some people assume that sharing personal details about themselves can build this strong relationship, but this isn’t actually the case. Instead, oversharing makes your conversational partner confused, uncomfortable, and definitely not a huge fan of yours.^{[14]
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- What Not to Say: “Visited my doctor yesterday and got my sleeping pill prescription refilled. I’m definitely sleeping well tonight!”
- What to Say: “Do you have any tips on how to relax and unwind after a long day of work?”

9

Lack of empathy

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Empathy is an essential way to connect and relate to others. When you approach your conversations and relationships without empathy, you’re setting yourself for plenty of missed connections and friendships. Plus, no one wants to chat with someone who doesn’t make an effort to understand what the other person going through. Try sprinkling some extra empathy into your conversations with these tips:^{[15]
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- Making good eye contact
- Mirroring the other person’s facial expressions
- Labeling another person’s feelings and experiences

10

Complaining

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No one wants to hang around someone who’s always killing the mood. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with the occasional “I hate Mondays” or “The traffic was awful” kind of complaint. Still, you don’t want to be a glorified fountain of negativity, either. People don’t like spending time around Debbie Downers!^{[16]
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Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices

Go to source} Check out these ideas that will help you embrace positivity rather than negativity:
- Practicing gratitude
- Offering compliments
- Practicing mindful breathing
- Trying compassion meditation

11

One-upping

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Acting like a show-off won’t score you any points with your peers. In fact, one-upping is actually a huge turn-off that keeps the people around you at arm’s length.^{[17]
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Research source} Instead of inserting yourself into the conversation, take some time to compliment and appreciate the other person’s accomplishments.
- What Not to Say: “That’s great that you got 1450 on your SAT. I just checked my results, and I actually got 1550!”
- What to Say: “Congrats on your SAT score! All of that hard work and studying must have paid off.”

12

Unreliability

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People won’t flock to your side if they can’t rely on you. Forgetting the occasional appointment or meeting isn’t the end of the world, but missing multiple obligations definitely won’t get you in a person’s good graces.^{[18]
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Expert Source

Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.} Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to stay organized and at the top of your game, like:^{[19]
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- Organizing commitments by priority level
- Saying no when you have too much on your plate
- Getting your daily checklist done consistently

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can I be likable and not annoying?

Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian is a Clinical Psychologist based in West Los Angeles and Glendale, California. With over nine years of professional and research experience, Dr. Mesrobian specializes in individual, family, and couples treatment for young adults and adults. Dr. Mesrobian provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, motivational interviewing, trauma-focused treatments, and other services. She earned a Master's in Psychology and a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University.

Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

It's important to be open and accepting of others! Acting closed-off can make you seem judgmental, which prevents people from wanting to spend any time with you.

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Question

I've always done things on my own. Am I unlikable? From elementary to college I've never been included in any circles. In elementary during sports period I was always on my own.

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Community Answer

You may be confusing “independence” with being “stand-offish” or even just shy and only “appear” to be stand-offish; and all three of these traits can be VERY different! If you are just shy, try to find different ways to get out of your comfort zone. If you feel that you might be perceived as stand-offish, try several ways to “open” your body language towards others; it can demonstrate that you’re just “actively listening” within a small group!

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Is saying stuff like "I got an A on my test" bragging?

Aria Quinn

Community Answer

It's not bragging if the other person asks what you got. Don't bring it up randomly though. If you want to tell the other person what you got but they haven't asked, ask them what they got, and they might ask you back

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