Am I In Love?

When you fall in love, you can start to feel all sorts of odd experiences in your brain. Unique regions light up in strange and new ways, and these phenomena can change the way you think, feel, and behave.

You probably already know how these experiences—lust, attraction, and attachment—feel, but below, we’ll walk you through the science behind those whirlwind emotions. Love can include a combination of all three experiences, but lust, attraction, and attachment can each occur on their own, too.

Lust: Have you ever started to feel so hot and bothered around someone that you have trouble focusing on anything else? Lust is driven by a desire for sexual pleasure and gratification. When someone turns you on, your body is actually producing more sex hormones, testosterone or estrogen.

Attraction: Have you looked at someone and felt magnetically drawn to them? When we feel attraction, our brains release dopamine and norepinephrine as a sort of reward. These ‘happy chemicals’ are your brain’s way of saying, “Wow, we like this person. Spend more time around them!” These chemicals can even reduce appetite and cause insomnia, so if you feel too attracted to eat or sleep, then that makes sense!

Attachment & Companionship: Have you ever become so close to someone that they become a super important part of your life? That’s attachment. Of course, this experience doesn’t just occur in romantic relationships—but rather, in any relationship where two people share a close bond. In long-term romantic relationships, attachment becomes a key factor (and our individual attachment styles do, too!).^[1] And when we experience attachment, our brains release two key chemicals: oxytocin and vasopressin.^[2]

If this all sounds more scientific than romantic, remember that love has inspired masterpieces in art, literature, and music for centuries.^{[3] [4]} Experiencing romantic love (in all of its forms!) has been a driving force for humankind, and even though it can be described by changes in brain chemistry, it’s also one of the most beautiful, intense, and indescribable feelings in the world. Shakespeare said it best:

“Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs; Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes; Being vexed, a sea nourished with loving tears. What is it else? A madness most discreet, A choking gall, and a preserving sweet.”