We've had our fair share of cleaning mishaps, but this dad's horrifying story trumps them all. It involves a Roomba and a fresh pile of dog poop (so if you're eating something right now, you may want to pause for a bit), and the outcome is far worse than what you're imagining—trust us.
"So, last week, something pretty tragic happened in our household. It's taken me until now to wrap my head around it and find the words to describe the horror," wrote Jesse Newton, from Arkansas, in a 1,000-word tale of woe he posted to Facebook earlier this week.
He then sets the scene, explaining that his dog, Evie, ahem, relieved herself in the living room sometime between midnight and 1:30 a.m. Unfortunately, at the same time, the family's Roomba also happened to be cleaning (since he programs it to vacuum while the family sleeps). You can guess what happened next: A horror that Jesse now calls "The Pooptastrophe. The Poohpocalypse. The Pooppening."
The Roomba, designed to clean every nook and cranny, ran over the poop, and proceeded to track feces everywhere. Literally, everywhere. As a warning to other Roomba-using dog owners, Jesse wrote: "Poop will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids' toy boxes. If it's near the floor, it will have poop on it too." But the way Jesse realized what had happened is even more horrifying: He caught wind of the fecal catastrophe after his four-year-old crawled into his bed at 3 a.m. smelling like, you guessed it, poop.
After cleaning off his child and putting him back to bed, the real work began. "You get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug—the rug that started it all—the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she'll ask if you tried to clean it first."
But before getting to the rug, Jesse describes how he tried to clean the trouble-making Roomba first. It didn't end well though, because in a moment of panic, he put the whole device (battery included) in the bathtub to soak. "You're saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion. You hope your kid stayed in bed, because if he hears you talking like this, there's no way he's not ending up in prison," he wrote.
The de-pooping marathon then continues with every cleaning supply Jesse could rustle up to deal with this literal sh*t show. "Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three or four rolls wiping up poop," he wrote. "Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floor boards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-foot poop trails."
While it's worth reading Jesse's story in its entirety (you can read the rest below), it does end on a somewhat positive note. Jesse, now known as the victim of a Roomba gone rogue, ended up getting a brand-new Roomba for free from the company that originally sold him the one that ultimately suffered a smelly, water-logged demise.
[facebook ]https://www.facebook.com/jesse.newton.37/posts/776... data-width="800"[/facebook]
(h/t Scary Mommy)
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