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The Most Brutal Brawls on South Park

Isadora Teich
Updated March 22, 2019 19 items
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2.7K votes
501 voters
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Vote up the most hardcore fights or beatings on South Park.

South Park is a hilarious and controversial show that pulls no punches, and neither do any of the characters. These South Park fights run the gamut from brutal to surreal to bizarre, but all of them are awesome. Fights on South Park have invited criticism for their brutality, and rightfully so because South Park skirmishes are generally bonkers.   

There are a lot fights between two characters on South Park, or at least fights that center mostly around the damage two specific people do to each other. While some South Park beatings involve the entire town, country, world, and/or universe, it's no secret that it only takes two to tango, or have an all-out, balls-to-the-wall fight.  

With nearly 20 seasons of knock-out ridiculousness on all kinds of levels, the town of South Park has seen some outrageous nonsense goes down. Here are some of the most extreme tussles from the show over the years. 

  • 1

    Wendy Destroys Cartman

    Wendy Destroys Cartman

    Episode: "Breast Cancer Show Ever" (Season 12, Episode 9)

    The Brawl: Nothing's better than seeing Cartman get a beat down. After he laughs his way through Wendy's breast cancer awareness presentation, she challenges him to a fight. Cartman spends the whole episode trying to weasel his way out of the fight, only for her to destroy him in the playground at the end of the episode. 
    216 votes
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  • 2

    Timmy vs Jimmy

    Timmy vs Jimmy

    Episode: "Cripple Fight" (Season 5, Episode 2)

    The Brawl: With episode titles like "Cripple Fight," it's no wonder South Park eventually added a character named PC Principal. On this episode, Jimmy and Timmy throw down in the South Park grocery store parking lot, because Timmy is jealous of Jimmy's popularity at scout camp. At first, Timmy asserts dominance with his motorized wheelchair, though Jimmy gets some great shots in with his double crutches, and evens the playing field. In the end, no one wins, and both end up with a lot of bruises. 

    137 votes
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  • 3

    Randy vs Bat Dad

    Randy vs Bat Dad

    Episode: "The Losing Edge" (Season 9, Episode 5)

    The Brawl: In "The Losing Edge," the kids realize they need to get better at losing baseball games if they don't want their season to last all summer. Meanwhile, Stan's dad, Randy, takes being an obnoxious, drunk baseball dad to the next level. This lands him in a fight with another drunk, obnoxious baseball dad, who happens to be a tremendously fat guy dressed like Batman. At first, Bat Dad gains the upper hand, but in the end, Randy, bruised, bloody, and stripped to his underwear, knocks Bat Dad out. 
    127 votes
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  • 4

    Cartman vs Dr. David Nelson

    Cartman vs Dr. David Nelson

    Episode: "With Apologies To Jesse Jackson " (Season 11, Episode 1)

    The Brawl: Shockingly, when a little person, Dr. David Nelson, comes to South Park Elementary to give an anti-bullying lecture, Cartman makes fun of him relentlessly. Finally, Nelson demands Cartman fight him. The two face off in a mud puddle. It's probably one of the only fist fights Cartman has ever won.  
    122 votes
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  • 5

    Tweek vs Craig

    Tweek vs Craig

    Episode: "Tweek vs Craig" (Season 3, Episode 5)

    The Brawl: After arguing over whether Tweek or Craig, the two class troublemakers, would win in a fight, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman place bets on the issue. Their wager comes to the attention of Tweek and Craig, who decide to fight IRL. The fight interrupts their woodshop teacher (who is attempting to end his life), terminates Kenny, and lands both kids in the hospital.  

    90 votes
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  • 6

    Mickey Mouse vs the Jonas Brothers

    Mickey Mouse vs the Jonas Brothers

    Episode: "The Ring" (Season 13, Episode 1)

    The Brawl: In this episode, Kenny and his new girlfriend are convinced to wear purity rings by the Jonas Brothers. As it turns out, the Jonas Brothers themselves are forced to wear purity rings as a tactic to sell sex to young girls, as conceived by their maniacal boss, Mickey Mouse. Mickey beats and insults the brothers whenever they question him. 
    99 votes
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  • 7

    PC Principal Confronts Cartman

    PC Principal Confronts Cartman

    Episode: "Stunning And Brave" (Season 19, Episode 1)

    The Brawl: South Park Elementary's new man-in-charge, PC Principal, gives Cartman a brutal beating in the bathroom for using the word "spokesman" instead of "spokesperson." Just before the butt whooping erupts, Cartman threatens to frame PC Principal for engaging in relations with children.

    "You don't want to end up like the spokesman for Subway do you?" Cartman asks. PC Principal then slams him into every bathroom surface. 

    109 votes
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  • 8

    Mysterion vs Professor Chaos

    Mysterion vs Professor Chaos

    Episode: "The Coon" (Season 13, Episode 2)

    The Brawl: When Cartman's unpopular superhero alter ego "The Coon" is upstaged by Kenny's "Mysterion," Cartman manipulates Butters's supervillain alter ego, "Professor Chaos," into taking Kenny down. An all-out fight between Mysterion and Professor Chaos ensues. Mysterion comes out on top but is forced to reveal his true identity. However, because the animation style on South Park makes all the fourth graders look the same, no one recognizes Kenny without his signature hooded jacket. 

    80 votes
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  • 9

    Kenny vs Kyle's Dad

    Kenny vs Kyle's Dad

    Episode: "Major Boobage" (Season 12, Episode 3)

    The Brawl: This kind-of spoof on '80s cult comic and animation Heavy Metal gets really weird. After learning you can get high off cat pee (not true, before you try), Kenny has Cartman's cat urinate on his face and becomes addicted to the experience. Kyle's dad also gives it a try, and together, they hallucinate an epic gladiator battle in a boob-filled fantasy world, while in reality they're slapping one another in a sandbox in the park. 

    97 votes
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  • 10

    Mr. Hat vs Mr. Mackey

    Mr. Hat vs Mr. Mackey

    Episode: "World Wide Recorder Concert" (Season 3, Episode 17)

    The Brawl: This unarmed spat between Mr. Hat and Mr. Mackey on the floor of a school bus was a smackdown for the ages. While on the bus to Arkansas, for the kids to play recorder in "Four Million Child Blow 2000," Mr. Mackey suggests that Mr. Garrison uses Mr. Hat as a crutch. Mr. Hat literally whips the floor with Mr. Mackey. 

    66 votes
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  • 11

    Jesus vs Satan

    Jesus vs Satan

    Episode: "Damien" (Season 1, Episode 10)

    The Brawl: In this episode, Jesus and Satan have a boxing match, and everyone in town bets on Satan. Jesus, caught in a moral conflict, spends much of the fight absorbing a brutal beating from Satan, without throwing a single punch of his own (turn the other cheek, right?). Then the kids show up with Chef and encourage Jesus to fight back. Christ throws one feeble punch, and Satan goes down the count. Turns out the Chef bet big on Jesus to make a fortune from the bout.

    83 votes
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  • 12

    Kyley-B vs Snooki

    Kyley-B vs Snooki

    Episode: "It's A Jersey Thing" (Season 14, Episode 9)

    The Brawl: During a Jersey Shore guido invasion, Kyle discovers he's "half Jersey." When a bizarre, sex-crazed, rat-like creature named Snooki tries to mount Cartman, Kyle goes full out guido, turning into Kyley-B and slapping and insulting the creature until it hops away.   

    67 votes
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  • 13

    Mint Berry Crunch vs Cthulu

    Mint Berry Crunch vs Cthulu

    Episode: "Coon vs Coon & Friends" (Season 4, Episode 15)

    The Brawl: This three-part superhero spectacular comes to a surreal conclusion. Mint Berry Crunch, a breakfast cereal mascot who appears to be some guy named Bradley in a costume, turns out to be of alien origin, and uses his newly revealed superpowers to take down Cthulhu, the ancient god created by HP Lovecraft, who is working with Cartman. Bradley sends Cthulhu back to the dark realm from which he came, ostensibly saving the world from Cartman's wrath. It's a throwdown for the ages. 

    67 votes
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  • 14

    The Crossover to End All Crossovers

    The Crossover to End All Crossovers

    Episode: "Cartoon Wars Part Two" (Season 10, Episode 4)

    The Brawl: In this crossover episode, Kyle and Cartman ride their bikes to Fox Studios in Los Angeles - Cartman to protest Family Guy, Kyle to support it. While at Fox, Kyle runs into a kid who looks just like Bart Simpson and also hates Family Guy. He knocks Kyle out with his skateboard and helps Cartman sabotage Family Guy. However, Kyle returns and he and Cartman get in a massive slapping match, crashing through a glass door and fighting their way across the lot. 

    48 votes
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  • 15

    Russell Crowe vs Planet Earth

    Russell Crowe vs Planet Earth

    Episode: "The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer" (Season 6, Episode 5)

    The Brawl: While trying to see the new Terrance and Phillip movie trailer, the boys get conned into sitting through almost an entire episode of Russell Crowe's show Fightin' Around the World with Russell Crowe. Over the course of the show, Russell Crowe travels the world in a depressed tug boat, making up reasons to clock people. And thus, Crowe throws down with basically everyone he encounters.  

    70 votes
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  • 16

    Stephen Sondheim vs Randy Marsh

    Stephen Sondheim vs Randy Marsh

    Episode: "Broadway Bro Down" (Season 15, Episode 11)

    The Brawl: This fight between Broadway legend Stephen Sondheim and musical writing newbie Randy Marsh is 100% posturing. It ends with them both admitting they respect each other, and collaborating on the ultimate Broadway show. During this episode, Randy learns that Broadway shows contain a lot of subtext about fellatio, and so he and Sondheim elect to write a show packed with subconscious messages designed to persuade women to perform oral. 

    61 votes
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  • 17

    Robert Smith vs Mecha-Streisand

    Robert Smith vs Mecha-Streisand

    Episode: "Mecha-Streisand" (Season 1, Episode 12)

    The Brawl: The episode begins with the boys finding a powerful, ancient Native American object on an archaeological dig. Barbara Streisand sees the boys discuss their discovery on TV, arrives in South Park, steals the object from them, and uses it to become a giant mechanical dinosaur bent on world destruction. After several failed attempts to destroy her, the town calls in Robert Smith of The Cure. He turns into a giant moth, who defeats Mecha-Streisand by making her burst. 

    61 votes
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  • 18

    Kenny's Parents

    Kenny's Parents

    Episode: "Chickenlover" (Season 2, Episode 4)

    The Brawl: In this episode, Cartman performs his own version of the TV show Cops. As part of his duties, he goes to Kenny's house on a domestic disturbance call and finds Kenny's parents beating the heck out of one another. The fight ends when Cartman starts beating them with his night stick. 

    46 votes
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  • 19

    Kanye West vs Carlos Mencia

    Kanye West vs Carlos Mencia

    Episode: "Fishsticks" (Season  13, Episode 5)

    The Brawl: In this famous episode, Cartman appropriates Jimmy's fish sticks joke, and it goes viral. Kanye West, who won't admit that he doesn't understand the joke, goes on a ferocious spree trying to get to the heart of it. When comedian Carlos Mencia claims he came up with the joke, Kanye and his thugs kidnap Mencina and beat him (until he expires) with baseball bats. 

    45 votes
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