Directness in Good News and Neutral Situations
Directness in Good News and Neutral Situations
Directness in Good News and Neutral Situations
Closing
Routine InquiryBad Example
Dear Mr. Crifasi:
As you will recall, you recently returned merchandise to us. We at Hobsons
sincerely hope that this transaction was satisfactory. In fact, we are in the
process of making changes which will insure that such transactions are
favorably handled. Thus, we would like the answers for some questions about
your experiences returning merchandise to us.
We’d like to know whether you were served promptly and courteously and
whether the adjustment was satisfactory and in accordance with your wishes.
Also, we’d like to know whether the salesperson offered assistance to you in
selecting other merchandise.
You may just write your comments on this letter and return it in the enclosed
addressed and stamped envelope. Thanking you in advance for your
cooperation, I remain,
Sincerely,
Routine Inquiry--Good Example
Dear Mr. Crifasi:
Will you please help us to serve you better by answering the following
questions.
When you returned merchandise at our store recently:
1. Were you served promptly and courteously?
2. Was the adjustment satisfactory and in accordance with your wishes?
3. Did the salesperson offer to assist you in selecting other merchandise?
Please write your answers--and any other comments you may wish to make
about the service of this store and any other Hobson store--on this letter.
Then return it in the enclosed stamped and addressed envelope.
We shall be most grateful for your help.
Sincerely,
Another good example
Jessica Brown <Jessica_Brown@trevorhardware.com>
Mr. Andrews:
Yes, we’ll gladly help with your manufacturers’ directory, just as you have asked in your
April 12 message.
To get the names and classifications up to the “directory” exactness, Mr. Joseph
McLaughlin, of our own directory staff, has already started a by-name check of each listed
industry. He will label carefully the exact goods produced or processed; and he will mark
the sales agents as such. You can expect his report by the 20th, I’m sure.
Your completed online directory will certainly help Louisiana industry get a measure of itself
and will help to “sell” Louisiana as a ripe field for many types of new enterprises. It’s a fine
job you are taking on. We’ll be glad to see the finished product.
Lisa Miller
Preliminary Considerations in Writing an
Adjustment Grant
The news is good.
Something bad has happened, and you are
correcting it.
But even though the main message is good
news, you have the need to regain lost
confidence.
Directness for an
Adjustment Grant
The message plan:
Ms. McPhee:
Crediting your account for $321.40 is Consort’s way of assuring you that your satisfaction is
very important to us.
Because we sincerely want to please, we thoroughly examined the suit you returned to
us. Our investigation showed that the likely cause of the fading was accidental contact
with some form of chemical. We couldn’t determine precisely what the chemical was
or just how contact was made. But we suspect a liquid spill sometime after packaging,
either in our warehouse or during shipment. Such unexpected happenings will occur
in spite of our best precautions. Anyway, we were relieved to know that Consort’s
reputation for quality fabrics and craftsmanship remains good.
We want you to know that we sincerely desire to serve you. And we look forward to
serving you with high-quality Consort suits in the years ahead.
Albert T. Hamm, Manager
Consumer Relations
Preliminary Considerations in Writing an
Order Acknowledgment
You have received an order.
Now you must report the status of the order.
The situation is good news--routine in
business.
Thus, directness is justified.
Directness for an Order
Acknowledgment
The message plan:
Mr. Cotton:
By the time you receive this letter, you should have received the assorted pipe you ordered
July 15. As you requested we shipped it by Zephyr Freight, and we will bill you on the first.
As you may know, the J-4 Kotter Pipe Joint Clamps have been a very popular item
recently. We have marked these clamps for rush shipment to you just as soon as our
supplies are replenished. Our plant foreman tells me that his people are working overtime
to catch up. He promises that we will have the clamps on the way to you no later than
August 12.
Thank you for giving us another opportunity to serve you with quality Kotter products.
Krystal Benko
Office Manager
Preliminary Considerations in
Making a Claim
A product or service has given you a problem.
– You are in the right.
– Probably the offending company will want to
correct the matter.
– You want to make a strong claim.
These three facts of the case support
directness.
Directness in
Making a Claim
The message plan:
Opening Begin directly. Tell what is wrong.
Include all necessary facts in the text or in a
subject line.
Body Explain the facts—enough to permit a decision.
Seek corrective action, either by
– stating what you want, or
– letting the reader decide what to do.
Ms. Ott:
From your invoice of August 7, I see that you have sent my gifts C.O.D. I need your
friendly help in restoring face.
Please refer to my original order of July 31 (copy attached) to see that the Madam Butterfly
jewel box for Ms. Mary Ellen Bannister and the Piper smoking jacket for Mr. Collis Bannister
were clearly specified for prepaid shipment. You were to include the bill for these items in
the C.O.D. shipment of the Black Diamond desk sent to me.
Please correct this embarrassing error right away. I ask that you write each of the
recipients of my gifts, refunding their money and explaining what happened. Then send
copies of your letters and the total bill to me.
You have my grateful thanks for putting me back in the good graces of the Bannisters.
Helen Toohey
Operational Communications