Approach Women 2 Day Game
Approach Women 2 Day Game
Approach Women 2 Day Game
com
Approach
Women 2:
Real Alpha
DayGame
COMPLETE
REFERENCE
MANUAL &
NOTES
© 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC.
Here's how to best use
your Approach Women 2:
Step 1: RAD Program:
Complete
the Fast- www.CarlosXuma.com
Start
Academy NO Have you
completed the 5
step Fast-start
Academy?
STEP 2: Watch
YES
Approach DVDs
STEP 3: Listen to Approach
DVD 3: Class CDs 1-7
DayGame
Seminar
CD 1 CD 2 CD 3 CD 4 CD 5 CD 6 CD 7
Notes: Listen to
Disc 9
- Listen all the way through You've Graduated - Every
the program the first time... Congratulations! Time You
- Have your journal ready and Go Out
on-hand as you listen to the
program so you can take
notes...
- Keep Disc 9 in your car or Step 5: Listen to Master
wherever you will listen to it Class CDs 10-16
before you go out to approach
- Review the entire program
at least 3 times over the next
CD 10 CD 11 CD 12 CD 13 CD 14 CD 15 CD 16
8-12 months for maximum
benefit.
www.CarlosXuma.com
DVD 1:
Victim Goal Setting
______________________
in your Anything you do will work - as long as you work hard at whatever
program for system you work. So work at this one.
the correct
You are the man. YOU make things happen... Don't wait!
order of the
discs. Start at your current challenge - your lowest common denominator.
"A bad technique that gets you to take action will always beat a
great technique you can't do."
Get as much knowledge as you can but just enough that you can still
manage it.
Own it!
Rehearse. Plan an approach from start to finish. Go through the
thinking steps of planning an approach in your own words. Script
yourself. Don't use other people's lines.
Be authentic. Be you.
Situational Rehearsal
Get out in a situation where you use what you've rehearsed.
Don't spend time learning - making it "bigger" than it really is.
Situational rehearsal is the most important step.
Without intelligent application it is useless.
Improve.
Positive internal results will cement the habit in you.
"Emotional aftertaste" is the feeling you're left with after you've done
something.
R.E.A.L.
Inner Game
______________________
The 7 Elements:
Self-Management
Linear Learning
Energy Management
Emotional Energy Management
Front-loading
Enthusiasm and Excitement
Never Lie/Never Own
The Gap
Self-Management
Learn how to manage yourself and your emotions. If you can't, you'll
have a difficult life.
Linear Learning
The myth of linear learning...
Learning the basics does kill enthusiasm.
Example: Guitar and Music Theory
Motivation=Fuel
How do you get past your resistance?
Get motivation.
Get in the environment.
Do the things you fear the most as fast as you can - smallest
incremental energy.
Energy Management
Front-Loading
Creating expectations.
If you can't be okay with the interactions not giving you anything -
you're need to get something out of it...You must be okay with it not
working.
Be the best you possible. You can keep her longer when...
Be okay with not having a woman in your life.
Beliefs are - not truths. If so, they would be facts. They are guiding
principles, theories - a way to help get you through life.
Beliefs don't always serve you. They become your identity, even
when they are false. Think about that...
Myelin Connection
The more you think about something, the more likely it is to become a
part of your identity/reality.
Dilemma of Desire
Your level
Your goal
Your next steps lie in between - shoot for your abilities.
Shyness - Why?
Shy is not an adjective. It's a behavior. It should be a verb...
It is an action, a behavior.
What your mind thinks and what your emotions believe.
Behavior not identity.
Overcome with progressive acclimation and persistence.
Build habit. Don't fight nature.
Gameplan
___________________
Environment
Create the highest possible success probability
High Probability Dating - find women that are interested
Disqualify first, not last! You can't just let any woman in. She has to
be good enough for you.
Caution not recklessness.
Attitude
___________________
Give before you get, give not get
It also illustrates why you must define your own success - leave her in
a better state than when you found her.
Pre-Approach Checklist
Prepare your mind
Relax your thinking - Try meditation
Prepare your body - Get your physical "jacked up"
Laugh, joke
Relax your body, let confidence show
Your comfort will help or hinder your approach with women. If you're
nervous and tense, so will she. Make her feel safe.
Kill the salesman - be genuine. You can be this way on the inside, not
the outside.
Remember the need to connect.
This model builds on what you learned from Approach Women - Now!
A.I.M. model.
Example: Atomic Model. Starts out simple, then gets more detailed.
Atoms then quarks, superstrings
Stay simple until you get success.
Identify
3 Response Modes
_____________________
"Closed"- Aloof, hard to get, bitchy
Persistence - have a bandolier of stuff to talk about. Make sure your
chatter is original, authentic.
Initially screen them out - better off not to approach them. You're
making it more
difficult for yourself. Don't make it harder than it already is.
E.D.G.E.
_____________________
E... Engage interest
D... Drive up desire - make her want you. No supplicating, no
weaseling.
G... Get connection - level of interest she'll want to build
E... Escalate and exit - A phone number or email. Another option, the
instant date.
Attraction Elements
_____________________
Target - Ignore if anxious
Approach/Open - Introduction
Attract - Qualification both ways
Bridging/Vibing - Forward-moving energy
Rapport/Connection/Trust
Escalation - Getting interest level up
Close - Next action
This process repeats every time with a woman - at least some steps
will be repeated.
Manage the shock - she is usually in shock so you must ante up 80%
of starting the conversation
This is the highest anxiety time for a man because you have to
manage the shock.
Opening - not the opener. When you see a change in her physiology -
that signals that she's open to the interaction. She feels safe in the
interaction.
Your talking gives her comfort and relaxes her. Feel free to ramble.
Social Friction
Boredom is a skill.
It doesn't matter how long but how into it you are... How interesting
do you make it?
Remove most social friction - you can't get rid of it all and you
wouldn't want to.
Openers
Example: Next 10 places you go or for the next 30 days, take in the
environment.
Don't ask for facts. Ask a question that will lead to other directions.
Examples: Mistake opener - mistaken identity.
Do you have the time? Where is X? This is going to sound gay but...
Make sure you're genuinely interested.
Example: Movies
Techniques
"Baiting" - Dropping information, and seeing what she does with it.
Does she run with it? Or avoids it?
Example: "Last year when I went to Greece..."
Is her reaction - that's interesting or that's weird
Self-Centered Attention
Watch for two women - ask to satisfy their insecurity
Example: "I like that about you..." " I bet your friends like that about
you..."
In order to minimize flaking, you must read her correctly. Give her fun
and value. Get her invested in the outcome (more than her fears).
Crystallization
Give her something to think about that will keep you on her mind.
Simplest way - text message, subtle note - keep it funny
Helps to escalate
Creates response potential because she's been thinking about you.
Taffying
Drawing it out a bit longer without being annoying.
Stretching the approach.
When she shows the need to exit, you're signaled that she's bored.
Bring it up a notch - fun and exciting.
Gets you past the fear of annoying others.
Is a skill for you to be comfortable with perception.
You always want to leave her wanting more.
"You're an adventurer!"
The Gap
You have the "pick-up" you that's attracted to the girl.
You have the real, everyday you.
(You run out of stuff.)
Why DayGame?
“Nightgame”
What kind of women do you meet in bars? The "Brittanies"
- Young
- Drunk
- Different social focus: all about having fun
Is DayGame harder?
The assumption is yes.
- Because you don't know if she's single
- Women are more likely to see through your game.
- Women may be in a hurry, not interested, or think you're a bother.
"Outside-In Living"
"Inside-Out Living" - communicating personality from the heart, your
true self and you don't care how others feel about it.
DayGame is easier.
- No alcohol.
- No loud, blasting music.
- Resistance is lowered.
- More lone wolves
- You appear more real - natural
Putting forth negative, anxious energy makes her feel the same and
she'll shut you out.
There is nothing worse than easy success. You learn nothing from it.
Conditioning
All approaches must be fun! This conditions the nervous system.
Each approach must reward you in some way.
Approach Anxiety
- Talk to everyone
- Be a social connector - "Hub"
- Plan your approaches - stuck up on standard situational openers
Goal: Extend your social circles.
Acclimation training: Spectrum - Progression
Warm-Up
1. Look at people and watch.
2. Talk to clerks - ask for info/shoot to breeze.
3. Say hi with no eye contact.
4. Make momentary eye contact/smile.
5. Say hi with eye contact.
6. Stop and ask questions - the time, directions
7. Stop and make a purposeful mistake - mistaken identity.
8. Stop. Say hello and a "giveaway" compliment.
Where you go from there is all you...
Situational Relevance
- Make the approach fit the situation.
- Be sincere. Show vulnerability.
Examples: " I was going to let you walk away, but then I said, no
way!"
"I don't have a clever pick-up line, I just came over to meet you."
Examples: "You're not one of those girls, are you?" " I know you get
hit on all day long..." "If I call you, are you going to let me go to
voicemail?" "You're going to remember me, right?"
Tips:
- Get into a martial arts class. Overcome fear of confrontation.
- Warm up: Talk to waitresses, clerks, anyone and everyone.
- Go to places where you're already excited.
- Start with casual energy. Be more cool and laid back.
Q and A
How do you keep your game "on" when life gets crazy... with exams,
deadlines, etc?
It's all how you do it. If you worry about, you have an inner game
issue you haven't resolved.
This is what women say when your opener is not calibrated to her
reality. In other words, she doesn’t see any relevance in your
question. This is a good signal that you are not present with her.
Some women will say this if they are just in a bad mood, but it
generally indicates poor calibration.
Your best response: Get REAL and admit it. “That did sound kind of
out-of-left-field, huh? I just wanted to find something to talk to you
about. You seemed cute, and I didn’t have anything else to say. Let’s
try this again...”
Go away!
Wow, big time miscalibration here, or you’ve just met the Queen Bitch
of the Universe. If you suspect it’s the latter, smile and run away from
her before she spreads her “bitch” attitude to you and crushes your
self-confidence and frame.
If you think you’ve just annoyed her, you need to dial down your
energy and cockiness on the approach.
Your best response: “Hey, I’m gone. But I just wanted to say hello...”
Your best response: “Well, I realize you’re not buying, and I’m not
selling, but I’m making some new friends today. And you looked
friendly. Aren’t you friendly?”
Your best response: “Hey, I’m sorry to keep you so long. I just blabber
when I’m around a beautiful woman. But I’d like to show you I’ve got
great conversation skills in me... Let’s try this again sometime. Let me
get your number...”
This is a classic way that women avoid giving their number out, and if
the guy goes for it, she immediately classifies him as a low-
confidence “nice guy.”
Your best response: “No way! Do guys still fall for that one? (jokingly)
Look, we both know that you’d never call, and it’s not your job
anyway. I’m the man. Just give me your number and I’ll call your
answering machine ten times, just like in the movie ‘Swingers...’”
I have a boyfriend.
She might. She might not. But you’ve gotten this far, and it’s unlikely
that she’s showing interest by saying this.
Your best response: “That’s cool. I’m not hitting on you, I’m just trying
to make some new friends. I thought you looked friendly... “
Classic bar line, and I included it here because chances are you’re
still going to bars.
Your best response: Don’t respond to the request. Keep talking about
other things as if you didn’t hear her.
Your best response: “Well, that’s interesting... You know how some
people live where they do because they want to be a part of a
neighborhood? I felt like that, too, and I decided to live in the ...
because...”
You basically paint a more complicated and emotional story with your
answer. The more you can get her involved, the more she’ll pay
attention to you. Review the Deep Rapport disc with Lance Mason
where we discuss this technique.
This is another one of those questions to ignore. You just keep talking
about something you are interested in, and note that this is a big red
flag.
(Unless you were just talking about HER car, and your conversation
turned this way. In that case, you do the same presentation of the
reasons why you chose the car that she can related to before you
actually reveal it to her.)
Another question that will only come up if she thinks you’re not being
sincere and you’re running a pickup game on her.
Your best response: “Did you read that book? What did you think
about it?”
Something that most women will not ask during day game. They will
probably put out some other disqualifier.
Your best response: (And this is one that I use because it’s true to
how I feel) “Age doesn’t concern me. I hang out with people in their
twenties all the way to their forties. Cool people don’t have a number
to hold them down. You know?”
Your best response: “That’s too bad, really. I don’t like to hold myself
down with a number. I have cool friends of all ages. In fact, I’m kind of
worried that you might be too old for me...”
Sometimes I’ll tease: “That’s age-ism! It’s like racism, only with
numbers! You should be ashamed of yourself...”
Either way, age is something you only get defensive about if it’s an
insecurity. If you act young and don’t let it phase you, you won’t hear
this.
1. "No I'm not. I'm just playful. I come off like a player sometimes, but
I'm actually pretty genuine."
2. "Thank you. I think you're pretty cool yourself. Wait... do you like to
travel?"
3. "Cool. So my friend Dave over there, he was telling me that
[continue into a new subject]..."
4. "Why would you say that?"
5. "Player? I'm not a player, I'm Super Casanova. I have 19 girlfriends
in this bar and another 23 at home."
6. "Yeah, so what do you like about player guys so much?"
This is when she feels a bit disconnected from you and your opener,
or she’s very guarded.
Your best response: “Have you seen those shows on TV? My friend
tells me they’re really cool...”
I'm married...
If there is no ring, I usually ask her why there isn’t. Then I make a
new friend.
Or: “I was actually going to ask you the same thing. You seemed kind
of lonely...”
Sometimes you get an evil chick who loves to do this to see if you’ll
get self-conscious. Pretty rare during the day.
Your best response: “I only say it to the woman I’m talking to right
now, if I’m genuinely interested in her. Yeah. If she’s cool.”
Your best response: “Oh, sweety, are your feelings hurt? Gosh, you’re
such a delicate flower...” I deliver this with a nice and joking tone.
Your best response: Step back and reassess your connection to her.
Then you can ask again: “So you do have a phone, don’t you? Are
you screening out those other dorky guys?”
Same as before. Every woman on the planet has a cell phone these
days. Even starving nine-year-olds in underdeveloped countries have
a mobile.
Your best response: same as before. Step back and get the trust and
connection that will make her WANT to give the number to you. If you
just blast through this and weasel it out of her, she’ll just flake later
on.
This is what she might say when she picks up the sexual interest
from you. It’s the same as a person going to a car dealer and saying
that they aren’t in the market to buy right now.
Your best response: “That’s great, because I’m just looking for friends
right now....” Step back and get connection.
Wow, if you get this on a daytime approach, you came on way too
strong sexually.
Usually this indicates a trashed approach, but you can still salvage
some learning experience out of it by asking her what gave her the
impression that you wanted to sleep with her.
Another question where you must give your answer emotional depth.
And you also have the opportunity to paint in your reasons and your
passions and your ambitions for her.
This is what you might get from a woman who isn’t really feeling a
good level of trust and rapport, and you ask her to do something
she’s not ready for, like go with you to a mini-date.
Step back and re-establish trust. Just say, “That’s cool,” and get back
to connecting and deep rapport.
This is a classic case of poor calibration. You were too “gamey” for
her. Maybe you’ve been doing too much bar and night game.
Whatever you said came across as insincere, and that is the biggest
problem.
Drop the routines and get REAL fast, or this is lost. I only ever got this
when I wasn’t really being present with her and tuning in to her vibe.
Your best response: Any genuine response that shows you’re okay
with your interest in her, and you’re also not going to push it.
You're funny!
She’s probably being truthful. You’re doing good. Don’t get all “aw,
shucks” with her compliment. Just keep it up without going overboard.
This is typically something a woman will only say if she is feeling that
you’re going too fast for her. It’s like she’s saying “I don’t know you
that well!”
You're so mean!
This is a good sign. It’s when she’s attracted and is being teased
enough to be responsive. If this is a first approach, you’re done. Just
get a date set, get her contact info, and boogie.
You're weird!
This is chick-speak for “You’re goofy, but I’m enjoying this.” As long as
it’s delivered with a smile and not too serious an expression.
Your best response: “I think you like weird. It’s fun and different.”
Your best response: “That’s what I like about being spontaneous, you
know? You just do what you want and enjoy life as it comes instead of
planning everything out...”
This is what you hear when you’ve made a request and haven’t come
close to establishing the trust to cash it.
This is a big calibration issue that you should watch out for. You might
look at how well you’ve been present with her and if you’ve been
ignoring her state while you were up in your head.
Your best response: Don’t argue the point or even a acknowledge it.
Most of the time this is what I hear from women who feel that the
man’s state is too playful and energetic for her. She’s intrigued, but
she’s not in rapport, either. He’s left her behind.
There’s some qualification she’s made about you that you’re not
passing. Some attractive women will say this to push guys away,
because it’s not something you hear from most women.
So?
Clear case of not having any rapport with her. She’s pushing you
away with a bitchy exterior.
Go right back to square one and get her emotionally involved in your
conversation. You lost her at “hello.”
This is a response you typically get when she isn’t able to read your
humor - or sarcasm. There are other ways she will look at you that
say the same thing.
She’s telling you right away that she’s into you. Women love it.
Instead of continuing down this track, make sure you now get to work
on solid rapport with her. Then close.
This is a blatant block. And an indicator that you haven’t achieved any
level of rapport with her.
Tsk tsk.
There are clever replies for this, but even if they work, they usually
don’t work to forge a solid connection. The number or date you get
will be shaky. REALLY shaky.
Your best response: (Think to yourself, not spoken): “Yes, you do, if
you’re into the guy. You absolutely DO give out your number. But I
haven’t done a good job of proving I’m that guy, so let’s step back a
bit...”
This is where she gives you a number that you sense is bogus.
By now you know that problems like this don’t happen if you take the
time to learn the correct steps to connect with her.
Time’s up...
See if you can get her to come back... or just close it right here. This
is your opportunity to just “taffy” the moment out a bit and see if you
can keep her attention for just a little bit longer...
Remember that these responses allow you to play with your own
anxiety and just have fun improvising. THAT is the true value of the
simulator - to give you the space to try out crap and see how it feels.
Tools to the end all, be all - all the tools necessary are in this
program.
We will cover:
Mindset before...
The approach...
Overcoming approach anxiety
Inner game, how to prepare for the approaching, how to execute the
approach, and what to do after.
The program includes the 3-Step Anxiety Destroyer. (See your Bonus
content on the DVD-ROM portion of the DVDs. Put the DVDs in a
computerʼs DVD ROM drive and look for the folders on the disc.
Passion/Vision/Purpose
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Important component to your conversations with women - Passion.
Every person has the ability to "tap" into this fuel source - passion.
Vision: The thing that you're looking for that's going to bring passion.
Where you see yourself being - a spiritual moment, something in your
mind's eye that trigers a spark... a "wouldn't that be cool" moment.
Purpose: The immediate reason for doing something. (You can have
purpose without vision and passion.)
Example: Guitar playing
If you try to bulldog through certain life experiences, you will not be
successful.
Dan wakes up and hits the old alarm button and, he lays there for a
second in bed.
What should I get done today that I didn't get done yesterday?"
He really takes his time to settle his brain, not to just jump into routine
right off the bat, but to focus on what it is he wants to accomplish -
where he's going to go with the day. What is he going to do today
that's really going to for him.
Then gets on to his morning meditation. He gets out of bed, sits down
in front of his table, where he's got a book on meditation, and a little
statuette of some kind.*
Dan sits in front of his table, closes his eyes, and practices breathing,
very deep - low into his stomach...
Then, he goes through his rituals - goes to the kitchen and grabs
himself a vitamin, a shot of a special fruit drink, and a protein shake.
He goes out and gets a little bit of exercise, not too heavy duty just
something to get the heart pumping and the blood going - for about
20 to 30 minutes. Gets him moving - push ups, sit ups
Goes online - for just a few minutes as he's getting himself ready to
go to work.
Scans his activities calendar - what's going on today, for the next few
days. So he knows where he sits in the week and what things he
ought to be planning for so he doesn't miss any appointments or a
date.
Scans the news headlines to see what's going on in the world and to
find some good thing s to comment about to create good
conversation - provides good openers for conversations with women.
Finally, email. It's last. It's the one thing that seems urgent but never
is.
His focus - to use three different ways to meet women and at least
one date per week. His goal three months ago - to say hi to as any
people as possible.
Goes out the door, sees his neighbor and says something to her in
the hallway.
She's a good ally, and, on the nights he can't make it home, she
helps to tend to his dog. He's got a good strong social network in his
own neighborhood.
He stops in at his local coffee shop before he gets into the office and
gets his morning coffee. Looks for opportunity - women he hasn't
seen there before.
Gets to work.
Mid-morning break and uses this time to get out and visit other parts
of the building of where he works. There are other offices in the
building - he knows that he can meet new people.
Lunchtime rolls around, Dan knows the best thing to do is not stick
around the building but to go out and expose himself to some
opportunities.
Heads to the bookstore during his lunch, or one his other many
haunts - opportunities to meet people and be social.
If he goes to the same places and/ or with the same people, he gets
stuck in the same routines.
After work, he heads over to the bar to see what's going on there.
On the way, he grabs a local events paper to see what else is
happening for events in the area.
After work, Dan gets home, takes his dog for a walk and watches for
some of the local foot traffic in his neighborhood. He actually stops
one woman who happens to have a dog - the dogs have gotten
tangled up in each other's leashes. Socializes - talks about the breed
of her dog. She's nice but not his type - still gets her email for
the sake of increasing his network and staying in practice.
He goes back inside and calls some of the latest phone numbers that
he's gotten and he sets up a date for Saturday night. Now he knows
to push poker night to Friday night. He's got a good full weekend
ahead.
After setting he's plans for the weekend, he uses that positive energy
- uses the motivation to send out more Match.com intro emails out,
calls another woman, sets another date. He uses this energy and
rolls with it - an important success habit.
And, before it gets to late, he goes into the martial arts studio and
trains a little bit.
He's done with his workout, gets home and has something to eat.
Watches a movie he got from Netflix. And, as he's watching it, he's
noticing areas where men are portrayed as the losers.
As he's watching, a survey chick comes to his door and asks for a
donation for a group that's trying to prevent global warming. Dan
already has his favorite charities that he gives to so he politely says
no but he keeps a good conversation going with her and he tries out
his rapport building techniques. After all, this is a gimme - she
approached him.
Sends out a few "ping" texts to bridge a few of the women he knows
to keep him in their consciousness and awareness - a playful tease to
each one of them. One of them responds but he doesn't make it a
point to respond to her. He knows that if he leaves her hanging she'll
be thinking about him for a while.
And then, he goes back and attends to his social list - he notices
there's been one woman that he's been holding back on for a while.
Calls back Mary Ann and let's her know that while he really does
enjoy her company and the date they had last week, he only really
thinks of her as a friend and they probably won't want to do any more
dates. But, if she wants to do something social, that's always great
with him.
He's not forcing this all in his day - it's a matter of habits and rituals
he's put in.
There's a few things he's doing consistently (and you should, too.)
- People watching - how they interact. and, this is how you develop a
finer social acuity. It's something you should be doing all the time.
Core Concepts
_____________________
Once your confidence is in place, you can use every single strategy
and be successful with it.
Example: You can open with... "Who lies more men or women?"
And, she can say, "Who cares?" What do you say to that?
If you're like most guys out there, you won't really have a good
response to that.
When a woman does that to you, now you're shut down and that's
where inner game takes over. Is your reality strong enough to handle
calling you on that?
You need to come from a very strong reality to handle her and her
response.
Inner game - you don't trust enough in your own reality, your own
experiences.
You want this woman so bad, you think you need her to be added into
your collection of life experiences - when really, it's the other way
around.
The best success comes from not memorizing but to get to that point
you need to memorize. Training wheels - a certain amount of
memorization thrown into the game.
Have you ever seen a person flub a line? Actors in a movie...? Acting
and women can sense the actor in you. You can tell when you see a
bad actor.
Other peoples' lines and stories are there to help you - the structure
is the most important part because it gives you the comfort to pull off
the improvisational elements/ ad-libbing.
Only memorize the things you need until you realize why you don't
need to memorize stuff and then stop using it.
The opener is fine to memorize BUT you must be able to deliver the
opener with absolute confidence and congruity.
Okay to have some memorized material but don't rely on it too much
or you'll fall into actor territory.
Emotional Overestimation
____________________
The habit all human beings have, which is to tend to add a little more
meaning which have more emotional attachment to us.
Ever see someone make a big deal out of something where you
wonder what the big deal is? Example: Someone parking too close to
a man's car.
The same is true for the things in our lives - attaching too much
emotional meaning to things that don't really have that much
meaning, and, we attach a lot of emotional meaning to things that are
ours, like things going on in our lives.
It seems like the end of the world if a woman is not into the approach
- rejection. It would kill some guys to have that happen - cause pain.
Until you resolve some of the inner game dilemma, it's going to be
difficult to get past that fear.
She is only one in a hundred women who could do this to you - the
possibility that she could say “NO” ruins the other 99 women for you.
Old saying: "You show me the most beautiful woman on the planet,
and I'll show you a guy who's tired of sleeping with her."
Men spend the least amount of time screening and qualifying for this.
Men spend too much time overestimating women for the value of
their beauty.
The ability to see something without the distorting filters of your own
thinking.
When a guy gets harder to get for a woman and she's already
interested - this works for him.
The want is so great that he let's the woman in his life no matter what
- access to his finances, car, family...
Create and make sure you have other interests in your life that you
can apply the energy to.
Compare for a frame of reference - her vs. the rest of his passions.
Get trust from other sources - borrow from the environment, your
friends, etc.
Don't sit there and try to build it up from scratch with every single
woman you meet.
Example:Do you know the staff at the bar - the bouncers, the
bartenders, the DJ?
If not, spend a couple of visits there getting the knowledge and the
associations.
Bars are different but social proof is still applicable for DayGame.
Be familiar with your environment - your regular places and you know
the people there like places you shop at.
If it is someone who is just going to drag you down - are not in the
same mindset as you, leave them behind.
Being a lone wolf is acceptable and is probably the best way to go out
and approach.
Let's see...
Option A - when you don't have a girlfriend and you''re looking for one
Option B - when you are in a relationship
Option C - when you feel like it
Men disqualify what they're thinking - that it's the worst thing.
Men feel the need to be clever.
Make it relevant to the situation or her.
Where do I approach?
Everywhere.
But, don't pressure yourself to think that you must do it everywhere.
Start see the opportunities and seizing them.
Start with the easiest.
Better question - where shouldn't you go? Your living room. So, go
get out there.
By using the things taught in this program as soon as you learn it.
You'll learn the easiest step for you as you go along and will be
different for everybody.
How do I...?
Hang on. There's a lot of stuff to cover and will discussed in the
program...
You're mind will slip in with the "loser boy" voice. The voice will say
that it's probably not a good idea to go up and start approaching
women. It will say, "Let's wait ʻtil later. Let's go back home, play a few
games, and have some fun relaxing. You don't want to be stressed
out approaching women. It's easier this way."
"Loser Boy" has a way of sneaking into your thoughts and sabotaging
your best intentions.
Let your mind play its tricks, but be aware of them. Know them and
recognize them when they come up.
Smile at them when they arise and just keep doing. Or... you can go
along with it.
Don't do it.
Mind Games
_____________________
We start to think things that are not true to make ourselves feel
comfortable and just make it through the day. Our psychology is set
up this way - until we can grasp how much you're telling yourself lies
and deceiving yourself, denying yourself of beliefs and realities -
you're never going break free of them and to get the success you
truly can achieve. You'll have little successes and your beliefs will
crumble a little.
Myths:
- Guys have to be rich.
They do get attention, from the "gold diggers".
And women who aren't, know that money will not satisfy them in the
long run.
When you approach her, you have to come from the other strategy.
2. The lover. The man who provides good quality genes but excites
and sexually arouses in a way that ensures she's going to have
genetic success.
- Guys have to be good looking. It's not important - it's just a bit of eye
candy.
It's a quick ticket into interest but not arousal or full engagement.
Women are not getting the kind of attraction with men that they used
to on a very primal, masculine level.
Guys think looks are necessary because guys are attracted to looks.
Guys are the ones who make the faulty perception and project it onto
women.
Mind games are pervasive. Understand it's your job to make your
mind games work for you.
Play mind games that will make you a winner and get you the results
you want.
Value
____________________
The one thing that makes you attractive is your value to other people.
We've done this all our lives - try to be of value to someone out there
like when you're trying to get a job.
Mentor - most guys have this whim, the turn a dollar into a million
dollars whim.
You'll be a millionaire.
Don't realize that they're really that they're not giving value.
Reality of value - in order to get what it is you want in life, you have to
give enough to the other people in your world what it is they want.
"Instead of asking for one dollar for free (giving no value), why not
give them a $100 of value and ask them for $10 in return?"
They will be more likely to agree and give you that $10.
Give them more value than you are taking from the interaction.
The reality is guys have sold a bogus product - buying her flowers,
taking her to dinner... Doesn't work and here's why. When you start
with the "let me buy you something" frame at the start, you've created
the worst starting point for a relationship. You communicate that
you're not good enough for you, so I'm going to resort to bribery to
sneak past your radar and get you to think that I've got real
value to offer.
Example: The kid who tried to buy his way into being your friend
Worse for a woman to sense this in a guy.
Why do men still do this? It is the option that takes the least amount
of thinking and effort on the guy's part. The lazy man's method.
They see this "buy her..." approach all the time - it's the needy guy. It
always runs out of gas, when she's wondering if you've got it - if
you're going to be a man and show her a good time. That's what she
really wants.
Women see this needy guy and will use the "let's just be friends" to
end.
Because she wants to know if you can make her feel good.
Alpha Men don't get lucky and they don't play the game to get lucky.
It's not about probability. It's about action and result.
Communicate fun - something that will leave her so thrilled she'll tell
all her friends about this incredible guy she just met.
Reverse engineer her excitement.
Think about what you want to achieve and work backwards figuring
out how to do it.
Show this not through gifts, money, feeding her but showing her you
can be the person that provides safety.
A bond that only the two of you share. Uniqueness is also valued.
Cherishing a woman comes into play. She feels you are emotionally
connected to her and you believe she has value.
The only factor(s) you need to show when first approaching is/are
fun, sexual energy - spark of chemistry, and connection.
When approaching during the day, think about how you view
connection - can go deep in rapport but don't need to be bonded for
life that first time. Give only enough that has her thinking about
reconnecting with you at a later date - give her unique connection.
Your mind can't grasp the concept - tell yourself to not think about a
pink elephant and what does your mind do? It thinks about the pink
elephant.
6 Step Reframe
1. Identify behavior to change.
2. Set up signals - to know that the behavior is occurring
Too general - there are many specific things going on beneath it.
Why? What's stopping you from approaching?
It's different things for different guys - shame, rejection, poor social
skills.
With approach anxiety, it's telling you that you have a reluctance built
up.
Reframe is a well and good but still can't go over and talk to women.
If not taken care of - inner game, all the techniques and the lines you
have will still not be enough to get you to approach. Guys memorize
all kinds of material and still can't use it because it was never their
material.
Material covers up, like makeup, the fact that you're not comfortable
with yourself.
You need the self confidence to go along with the tools you have.
The way somebody feels - not tangible. When it's not tangible, it's not
the same reality that everyone else deals in.
People's perception is their reality but only to the degree that you
allow them to.
Impossible are thing s that could happen but are very unlikely.
Un-possibilty is something that we conceive in our heads that doesn't
even exist but believe can actually happen to us. Rejection is one of
those things.
No one can really reject you. It's their decision for themselves. It says
nothing of the real value of you.
Don't give the ability to reject over to people who don't even know
you.
Where your boundaries have been destroyed and you've merged with
her because her opinion is an actual impact on your life and how you
feel.
Fear of rejection is a rational fear that other's will not accept you for
who you are,what you believe, and how you act.
State of mind
State of being
Driving force behind people that keep them from being real human
beings.
Didn't take the chances and opportunities that can change your life...
Only you have the power to reject things that go on with you and your
life.
Practice:
Identify person or persons from whom you fear rejection - beautiful
woman.
Example: Compliments
Examples: Airplanes
All of our fears boil down to the fear of dying a lonely death.
Guys lack the skill of qualifying - who's a good match for them.
Don't want to repeat the pain and suffering - better the devil you know
vs. the devil you don't know.
One way the other - she may dump you or you have to break it off
with her anyways. have the possibility in your head at all times.
Don't let the fear of being alone steer you into decisions you don't
want to make.
Even, if you're with someone - you should still be you, have your own
thoughts.
Learn to manage the state in between that a mature Alpha man finds
out his own mental makeup, gets his own inner game together and
becomes mature.
Brain-Lock Syndrome
____________________
What do you do when your mind locks up? What do you say when
you don't know what to say?
You feel like you're in over your head and you don't know what to do -
likened to fear of speaking in public. the more you thin about it, the
worse it gets.
The more you fight against your thinking, the more your mind locks
up.
Guys try to think their way through certain situations that really don't
have a solution because they are thinking too much.
What works ... Honesty. Tell her that she's her in front of you and you
can't find the words to say...
It only gets harder the more you try to think through the interaction.
Don't fight the problem. Don't put more force against force - it only
hurts you more.
Get past the initial hurdle - speed bump, the connection between your
brain and your mouth
Simplest way to get past it is to admit it and watch the reaction in her.
See how warm and accepting a woman can actually be when she
realizes what's going on with you. Remember, women are just as
nervous as you are. Their brains get just as locked up as yours.
Men have to take on the role of keeping the conversation moving -
make it comfortable for the woman to feel like she can talk and
express herself.
Giving value means making her feel better about herself in the
process of opening the conversation.
Guys get stuck in the desire mode - they see a woman and want her
and need to have her. They desire her and her attractiveness and
want to possess her in some way.
Taints your approach and makes you come across with a different
kind of edge.
Yes, Compliment her, but not in the ordinary way that most guys
throw them out there, which is to gain acceptance and kiss ass.
Go out, talk to the next three women, and give them a compliment out
of appreciation - something very small. Then, let it go - let her go.
Women appreciate that you notice the things that they chose to stand
out - the thought it took to get themselves looking the way they do.
If you see a tattoo, you know there was a reason why she got it.
If she's wearing a nice dress, appreciate her for that.
If she's wearing her hair in a nice way, that reminds you of a particular
actress, appreciate her for that. You can eve let her know that it even
looks better on her than the actress.
Compliment her on the choices and her overall appearance - that she
chose well and has good taste.
Giving her value so that she gets a sense of "He's a giving person."
This is how to start a positive interaction with a woman.
Most guys believe approach anxiety is something you have for life -
something you can never get rid of. Becomes a self-perpetuating,
self-limiting belief system that they keep and that will never go away...
Becomes part of their identity.
Not only do the things you believe help get you through the day but
they also keep you from becoming more than what you are now and
all that you can be.
3-Step Process
This is a process of acclimation.
You never have to live with phobias for your entire life.
Make the decision in your head that you CAN overcome the anxiety.
You may have "twinges" of nervousness but you will not have anxiety.
Step 1
"Day 1/Day 2" Set
Remember, you are not going to actually approach her. Just what
would you say if you were going to... You could say something like,
"Have you bought that brand before?"
It may be bland and boring but it's something - created off the top of
his head and it has to do something with the environment you're
already in.
She's probably wrapped up in her own little world - the first thing you
say is to just wake her up to the fact that somebody is talking to her.
She is in her head as she's going about her day, trying to get things
done.
It's not just that but how you bridge it into a conversation.
Example: "Hey, do you have the time?" After she gives it, he says, "
Look, you don't have to give me the time... I already know what time it
is. I just came over to flirt with you."
The opener gets her attention, gets her thinking, and gets her back
into a social awareness - then turns it around on her. Makes it
obvious, his reason for coming over to talk to her.
But, it's important that you do because you're breaking down social
boundaries.
By hiding the fact that you are coming over to talk, you create a
situation in your head where you have ulterior motives - hidden
agenda.
You create a situation where you don't trust yourself because your
intentions are hidden. You create an unhealthy, psychological place to
start a conversation from.
If you are up front about your intentions and are having fun with it,
you actually kill two birds with one stone - You make her laugh. You
admit something - vulnerable, breaking down a social boundary. And,
Make sure it has energy - fun and exciting. Something to talk about
that you can both get into.
Do this for two days and build it to the point that you're seeing
opportunity everywhere you go - but you don't and cannot act on it.
It's like someone's holding you back from jumping into a fight. So at
the end of the two days, you'll be excited to use the openers you've
been able to create. You've created positive mental momentum -
creating a situation where you want something. You are pulled into
the approach, not pushed - by the sheer tension of the social
potential you have.
Have your bookends - the start and finish to your conversation, for
greater success.
Step 2
Starting with day 3 - for the next two days say “Hi.”
Walk down the street and to whoever you happen to see, pass by
them, and say hello. Then, keep walking. You don't even have to look
at them.
You don't even have to register a response. You put it out there with
no expectations - you're just forcing yourself to open up and starting
the process.
Once you get the hang of the first few, you quickly lose the anxiety
especially if you don't expect a reaction. Some people still need a
kind of interaction to feel they were justified in doing what they were
doing. This is not good social conditioning.
Step 3
Starting with day 5 - Unleash your approach
Start using your approaches on women. You can use them on men,
too.
Take all the opportunities you saw before and take a few chances.
In the morning of day 5, build positive mental momentum by
observing, seeing where the opportunity to open is, and practicing
openers in your head like you did on Day 1. Say hi to a few people to
warm up. Then, use your approach.
And, if you can reveal your intentions early, you'll kill off the weird
vibe.
If you feel the energy start to dwindle, get back to feeling safe about
talking to strangers. Easy way to do this is to talk to the clerks and
other people who work at stores. Remember it's their job to talk to
people - and, they are friendly.
This 3-step strategy will kill approach anxiety - if you use it!
If you haven't done anything, you must get out and do something.
Take this strategy, get out there, get active and you should be
approaching women in no time flat. No expectations, just get out
there and overcome your initial hurdle and do the thing that you fear.
If for some reason you find this doesn't work for you, please do a
reality check.
The principles this is based on are absolutely sound, and Iʼve been
practicing this for years.
And, you want to be realistic about how you're using this. Until you've
actually tried it, you cannot say it doesn't work.
Approach anxiety get worse the longer you have it. And, it's harder to
overcome.
The worst thing about it is that you avoid the very same situations
that would actually disprove your fears.
Don't fight it - the advice given in this program, the approach, the
situation - because the more you tell yourself, " Don't be nervous." or
"Don't be scared." - the worse it's going to get, the avoidance of the
situations that would actually serve to stop these fears from growing.
The more you approach, the less you feel the anxiety.
Your beliefs, your fears, your approach anxiety are actually making
you feel sick on a physical level. The feeling you have is now deeply
ingrained in your behaviors and you want to avoid this. You actually
become afraid of being afraid.
It's not the approach creating it, it's your imagination and situations
outside your control. You've linked the two together.
Example: A woman and her fear of dogs.
- The 1st time you go up to a woman say something like this, "You
know, I'm really excited to be doing this. I'm so excited to be talking
to you but I'm also scared stiff because I want to look good and
impress you. So, if my voice shakes little or I stutter and hesitate,
you'll know why."
Instantly, you will get her support. Once you've admitted your
feelings, you don't have to worry about them.
You've said more impossible things to women than what I just said
and what I said is actually true. Write it down and practice it. Use it on
the approaches that give you the most anxiety. And then introduce
yourself.
Your mind changes how your body feels on a very primitive level
because we are instinctually guided towards our fight or flight
instincts. Your nerves are your bodies protests against overwhelming
Go into every approach with only one goal - to use one new opener
or one transition phrase or one new anything and that's it! Everything
else is just an improvisation of previously rehearsed stuff.
Neurotic equation
Real symptoms = Real threats
Means the reality that you feel, regarding the symptoms of approach
anxiety automatically translates in your head that the threat has to be
real. The feelings you have - the reality you have for that perceived
threats.
Attributing fear and anxiety to the approach it's not the approach
that's doing it.
Break the mental equation inside your head that tells you that what
your feeling is because of the woman or the approach.
Calibration
Calibrate for the environment
Calibration - setting your energy for the surrounding
Example: Your energy level in a bar vs. your energy in church
Make sure your energy level is slightly higher than hers but at he
same time not to far beyond hers - or you'll come off wrong.
Calibrate to her
Calibrate to the environment
Ramp Up - Energy
___________________
Examples:
Call someone - a relative, an old friend
Be around people
Talk to people, particularly strangers
Concept
___________________
Self Actualization - Understand human motivation
It is your job to help her meet her needs. Found out where she is in
the hierarchy and help her get to the next level.
Focus of approach is to get her to laugh and have fun. It is your soul
objective.
You're getting her to enjoy herself and you - she'll immediately feel a
connection.
Tease to Please
_____________________
Talk to women for the sheer fun of it.
He's not putting her on a pedestal. He's showing her he can deal with
her in a way that says, "You're not Diametric opposite...” approaching
with compliments, the intention of wanting something from her.
Teasing = Fun
"Hey, you know what? I bet you have so much stuff in that purse, that
if someone were to call you on your cell phone, it would take you 10
minutes to find it and get it out ."
"Did you know it's a rule in Hollywood films that every bag of
groceries has a baguette in it, especially if it's a romantic comedy?"
Women will take any tease and laugh at it because to not laugh
creates social tension. Doesn't look or feel good to not give someone
a polite chuckle.
The only kind of woman that will resist this is the bitch - the woman
you don't want to be talking to.
Recognize that when you come into a situation and a woman is non
responsive it's just an indicator that she's no the one you need to be
talking to right now.
Use teasing to start off an interaction with the intention of getting her
to smile.
Architecture of an Approach
_____________________
Method, structure, framework
Need a clear picture of what your success should look like - It's like
building a house with no plans.
★Engage interest.
★Drive up desire, interest.
★Getting connection
★Escalate and exit
Initially, you have to know.... What is this woman thinking? The one
thing she is thinking and asking herself is this - Why is he talking to
me?
The opener is the first opportunity for rejection and because of this
has a lot of anxiety attached to it - so much importance is placed on
this one line. But, the opening line is inconsequential. What's more
important than what you say is how look and how you handle it when
you walk up to her.
Recognize and get past your fear of what to say - it's unimportant.
It's only important when you make a bad first impression.
Map example.
Opinion Openers
Calibration is needed - for the environment you find yourselves in
A simple question to get her opinion.
Example: "So, do you think it's okay when somebody breaks up with
their boyfriend by using their answering machine or text message?"
This is an awkward opinion opener - calibrate.
If done correctly, 95% of the time they won't mind - welcome another
person's perspective. Listen for commonalities that you can grasp
and jump into the conversation with - preface it with, "Excuse me
ladies. But, I couldn't help but overhear..."
Direct Openers
Don't make any direct expression of emotion for her - you're just
expressing curiosity.
Never go in with a compliment based on her looks. They get this all
the time.
Example: "You know, I realize you're probably a little shy but I thought
I'd come over and say hi to you." or "Hi. i just want to let you know
that I think you have a really great smile... you have a really great
energy about you..."
Great direct opener - teasing. Energy gets raised right away with the
tease.
Directly Indirect
Confrontation game
Example: "My friend told me that women like it when guys approach
them and just start conversations, even if it doesn't go anywhere. Are
you like that?"
Examples
See how she responds to the question - Does she open up?
After the "How are you doing?" and she responds openly, follow with,
"I'm making it a point to meet three new people today.
Congratulations. You're one of them."
Make a list of the place you go during the day - and think of one
simple opener that would work in any of those places.
Observational openers
Questions are a great way to keep her talking until you can think of
something to add to the conversation.
If you grab at things that are too abstract, you're going to appear as if
youʼre trying too hard.
Compliance
_____________________
Another important point, she has to follow along with your escalation.
You need her to get to do something with you - get her number, email
to set up another opportunity to interact with you.
Observation: "You look like the kind of person who would enjoy
helping other people out." (This would be obvious if she was wearing
a nurse's uniform.)
Everything you say should have a keen social insight or at least, that
you're trying to look beyond the surface and see the qualities
underneath it.
Make practice observations - start with your friends and family, the
people you know well. Use it to make "baseline" observations about
people and how they behave, then apply them to other people.
Bridges are non escalating - just to keep her aware of you, that you're
around.
A ramp - a phone call or face to face meet up where you see her for
just a minute to drive the energy back up again.
Qualification
_____________________
The difference between the "natural" and unsuccessful guy is that the
"natural" has reasons why he would walk away from a woman. He
gives off the aura of "there are things you are going to have to do to
impress me..."
If you don't qualify a woman, you are going to send the wrong
message to her, making it more likely she's going to flake and less
likely that you'll ever get to meet her again.
Why qualify? It gives her the opportunity to start working for your
attention and approval. Shows you have standards and criteria. Locks
Example: You seem like a cool chick. Why don't you give me you
number so we can meet up another time?" " You look like you might
be fun. We might have a really good time together..."
You can skip some of the rapport, if you can qualify her enough.
You're making a statement that implies your selectivity - how choosy
you are.
Cautionary note: Don't be arrogant. You don't want to go over the top,
be subtle.
Practice: Sit down with a piece of paper and clearly list out all the
reasons why you would eliminate or reject a woman from your life.
Reasons why she would not be a part of your life. You have them,
don't you?
Carlos' reasons: She needs to flexible. She must be sane. She needs
to be in touch with her femininity. These are just a few...
Create your list based on that. Write down everything that you can
think of that has killed past relationships. Then think further down the
road - what do you want in your life and how would she help you or
hinder you.
Qualification based phrases: "Is there more to you than meets the
eye?" "You know, I saw you across the room and I wanted to come
over and see what you're like."
Rapport Building
____________________
The place where trust is made - where you gain a connection with a
woman.
Connection that was created with the trust, which was created by the
rapport from your interaction - a daisy chain sequence. The equation
of rapport.
Some women may have trust issues and to get past them is to have
some kind of connection. Sometimes rapport is attraction and needs
to be focused on especially in Daygame.
Your lives have a lot of emotional context with which to work with -
childhood, family and friends, your work...
Example: "I believe a guy should speak his mind, even if his voice
shakes. So, if I sound nervous, you'll understand why. I felt like I had
to come over and say hi to you. My name is Carlos."
Example: " You know, I don't like to have opportunity slip by and that's
why I had to come over and say hi to you."
You are the spin doctor of your own life. Create and fabricate the
connection.
Example: " I get a sense that a lot of men get the wrong idea when
they first meet you. They think you're a little stand-offish and a little
cold. But, you're actually a lot more sensitive and funny than people
realize. Is that true?"
Cold read examples: "You know, it seems like you have this strong
need for other people to like and admire you but you also have this
tendency to be critical of yourself." "You've got a hidden talent and
passion most people don't really know about and, you want to do
more with it but something seems to be holding you back.", etc.
They don't have to always be phrased as statements, they can be
asked as questions.
Cold reads give her something that she doesn't usually get -
somebody who is actually interested in her right from the very start.
The key to bonding with women is to get connection and have her
share things about herself. then you tell her how much you can relate
to that to establish more rapport. Use this to open real rapport.
Example: " I bet it takes a while for you to trust people. You've been
hurt before and by somebody really close to you. But, the people that
do earn your trust, I bet you'd do anything for them."
Commonality
_____________________
Creating and fabricating commonality
Google example
Find out what she really likes, it'll be something you can relate to.
You don't need to lie - just find the ones you have in common and
make the commonality stand out.
Once you start talking to this woman, you will find that you do have a
lot in common.
And, if you find out that you don't, it'll be your choice to disqualify her.
You decide if you want to continue trying to build a connection.
Body Language
______________________
If you pay too much attention on body language, you're spending too
much time up in your head - trying too hard to make it happen.
As long as you have good posture and you don't move around too
much, you're body language is generally good. If you're posture is
bad and you fidget, you're displaying bad body language.
You must take up space with your body. The more you feel confined
the less you seem confident. Relax and spread yourself out into the
environment you're in. Taking up space displays territoriality and
communicates confidence.
Try video taping yourself so you can observe your own body
language.
You're not going to tell if a woman is interested with you based strictly
on her body language - you need to base it on the over all feel of the
interaction.
Exercise: Watch a movie with the sound off. Try to figure out the
emotion of the scene by simply paying attention to the body language
of the characters.
Just trying to initiate contact that will get her attention and let her
know that there's another person there. Touch can change the entire
dynamic of the relationship between you and another person. Touch
bonds us in a way that nothing else does.
Focus on a way to initiate contact - not with words but with a touch,
then follow- up with words. The first touch is gentle and brief - you
pull away.
Escalation
___________________
Interactions from this point are essentially dates.
Escalate to the next step - getting contact information, setting a date
Don't just go for the phone number or email, push for the next
meeting with her.
If you fail to get really good rapport, you'll get a phone number much
easier than getting a date but you'll also find out that the number
won't pan out for a getting the date.
Your goal is to get that level of connection such that she'll feel
comfortable enough to set another meeting with you, almost
immediately.
Example: Finish the conversation with, "I got to get back to work but
have fun with your shopping. I hope you find the shoes your looking
for... " and while you're walking away, you turn to say, "Hey. You know
what? It would be cool for us to connect again. I think we should get
together again. You'd be fun to hang out with. What night this wee
works for you?" That easy.
Laying the groundwork for when she's expecting to see you again -
Getting her to look forward to seeing you again.
Phone numbers are meaningless. You come away thinking that you
have something tangible. Socially programmed to believe that phone
numbers are a guys goal with women.
The real result you want is the actual commitment from a woman - for
the date.
What have the phone numbers really led to? Most led to absolutely
nowhere.
Getting the phone number is a quick and easy cop out - women know
this.
If you are, you're going to find yourself hinging your feelings on the
outcome - making you needy and insecure about your approaches.
Courtesy Threshold
________________________
Get a woman past her courtesy threshold. Most women will give you
a polite shake.
You need to find out if she's being sincere - if they're investing in the
interaction.
Push them past the courtesy limit - if she's not really engaged,
meaning what she's saying call her out.
Make it fun, exciting and involving. That helps to make her invested in
you.
To busy thinking of all the other things that may come with the
success.
Figure out which guy you are, or if not both - drill down to the reasons
why.
Example: "Do you want to go out sometime?" "Can I have your phone
number?"
Self justifying questions - you know how they will respond to them.
Approach technique: Ask a question that you would want to answer.
Don't ask for her number - create an interaction where she's dying to
give you her phone number because she can't imagine the thought of
not being able to get in contact with you again.
Leeching is using (or, rather, abusing) your social network to get with
women. Use it for how it was meant to be - making friends then
creating connections that allow you to meet new women.
You want to have as many people as these in your life as you can.
Make sure you have exhausted all your "cold sources" before hitting
the warm market.
You do already have some value - by virtue of the people you both
know.
You don't have to do it all at once. If you are in the same social
network, you will be like to see each other again. Reconnecting is not
an issue.
Level your social network, will give you a large dividend of return.
LJBF
_____________________
Go out and make her see you with other women - have her see you
interacting, showing that you are a real, confident Alpha man.
Real-time Situation
System to be able to pull yourself into state to call on all that stuff you
memorized.
Situational rehearsal - You must rehearse the stuff you want to use.
Technique for being prepared and to not lose your composure in front
of a woman.
It's not what you open with that's important, but what you say next.
Recall and recite these words - in the shower, the kitchen, watching
TV, call home and recite it as a message on your answering machine,
while driving in your call.
Get yourself out there - into many types of situations where you have
to recall the same information you're trying to memorize. The more
situations you rehearse in, the better you're going to be when it
actually counts.
It's not your looks your hair, or how good looking you are.
Don'ts...
_____________________
- Don't dress too cool.
- Don't use alcohol or drugs to overcome your approach anxiety.
- Don't reach back into a conversation
- Don't use "cocky/funny" or "neg-ging" without an understanding of
social calibration
- Don't use other people's stories unless you were there or intimately
and emotionally involved in the contents of the story.
- Don't insult or AMOG other guys.
- Don't go out in a bad mood, depressed, or sick.
- Don't show off wealth in any way.
- Don't get addicted to the little victories.
Miscellaneous Tips
______________________
Accept the nature of women - to always surprise you.
Trust the information given in the program. Verify it - try it, see if it
works.
You can approach every women but you can't have every woman.
Don't be error focused -become result focused.
Superfast Routine for Going Out: When you've decided to go out, get
in front of the mirror fix your hair, brush your teeth, freshen up your
deodorant, moisturize, put on a light cologne, and put on one bit of
jewelry. Then, untuck your shirt.
Get active.
With DayGame, time is short. You can compress but don't skip to
many steps.
Kino - keep very brief, very incidental, and minimal. You may not even
have to do it at all.
Tips
_____________________
Texting - part of the process of connecting
Texting - default mode for when you don't want to have full-on
conversation.
Will remind her of your first meeting and how fun it was keep up this
emotional state.
Maybe from your approach you found out she was a dancer, you can
say "Hey, dancer girl. Learn a few swing steps and I'll see if you've
really got the right stuff."
Always make it humorous and fun. Don't make your first text a
pleading attempt to get her out on a date. It's all about staying on her
radar.
Humor
_______________________
Have a light hearted edge - do not take it too seriously.
You can only learn humor from observation and practice. You can
only do it.
Free association - take any thing a woman says and "riff" on it.
Observe something and use your imagination to see how far you can
stretch it - making it fun and silly.
Examples: "I really don't put out on a first date." "I'm not ready to be
in an relationship right now. My heart... it feels fragile." "I swear, all
you girls think about is just one thing." "God, you're such perverts." "I
bet you just want me for my body."
"Oh my god! Did you just touch my butt, feel me up?", etc.
Taken her female role and reversed it so that you're the one saying
the thing s women normally say.
Be playful - you'll find more success with the approach and you'll
build rapport quickly.
Accomplishments Card
- 3x5 card, cut in half
- Write down all your major accomplishments
- Don’t disqualify your accomplishments
- Any accomplishment - just doing something well is enough.
- Positive present tense
- Keep the card on you and review to boost your value as well
as create conversation topics.
Disqualifiers
- List ten reasons you would reject or refuse a woman.
- How much mistreatment will you accept in your life?
- Examples: Education level, drama queen, attitudes,
behaviors, religion, affiliations, job, sexual skill
- Most people don’t lift you up
- The income example
- Similar attitudes
- Is this judging people?
- When it’s good and bad to judge
Rehearsing Relaxation
- Observe others and how they are affected by their
environment
- Wear on the chair
- Raise your heart rate
- Recognize the feelings first
- Talk yourself down to a release
- Example
- Go Blue exercise: Imagine RED when you go into anxiety
- Seek the Blue state - associated with relaxation
- Condition with the colors
Zero Take
- Nothing free in this day
- Reduce your expectations about entitlement
- Learn appreciation for value you’re given
- We don’t appreciate what is free
- The most valuable things were given to you
- ALL GIVE DAY
- Give to other people
- Give money, time, advice, compliments
- My charity event example
- GRATITUDE DAY
- No limitations on behavior
- Contemplate the gifts you have
- Learn how to want what you already have
Warmups
- The “Cold” Environment
- Letting go of our thinking
- You are brainwashing yourself every day
- The Forest example of thinking
- A day of approaching with obligatory responders:
- “What time is it?”
- “Can you tell me where...”
- Asking for directions?
- Building response potential
- Approach clerks, anybody
- Get it to the point where you desperately WANT to do more
Opener Practice
- Start initiating contact with other people
- Stretching the interaction out to be more interactive.
- Obligatory openers
- 70-80% of anxiety dissipates when you just interact regularly
with people
Ramble Talk
- We self-censor our thinking and it affects your speech
- We are trying to get rid of the critic in our thoughts
- Remove ummms and uhs...
- Leave spaces if they’re thoughtful
Environmental Ownership
- Become familiar with the staff and the environment
- Get physically acquainted with the location
- Be present in the room with people
- Relax into the environment
- Thought Experiment
- Habit to implement
Confrontation Avoidance
- List all the areas where you’re afraid or avoiding interaction
because of the possible outcome
- List all the situations where you avoid challenging a woman
because you fear rejection
- Where do you avoid confrontation?
- Why are you avoiding that situation?
- Letting things go means that you have to make an excuse up
for your mind to accept it
- Personal and professional life list
- These areas weigh on your self-esteem because they don’t
get resolved
- It’s important in approaching because you want to manage
situations when they happen rather than later when you lose
the moment
- Journal them and strategize to solve them
Quirky Faces
- Mirror work
- Loose gestures with your expression
- Model kids
- Facial expressions trigger emotions - 2-way basis
- Practice different emotions
- Micro expressions
Triggers
- Emotional Slippery Slope
If you don't have regular social contact during the day, you have an
added challenge to get approaching.
Every person you meet can be a social contact for you - friends,
lovers, business partners...
Every person has the same physical body - the only difference is in
the thinking
Every so often the Loserboy voice will creep in - Never let him in -
bitch slap him down!
5. Visualization exercise
Set the stage, create an environment like the place you're going in
detail.
Overcome obstacles
Filter out MOST of the women you meet as not for you
There has to be certain criteria that a woman has to meet for you
7. Situational rehearsal
Stories - What are your stories, and how would you connect to them
in conversation?
REMOVE UNCERTAINTY
Lead her to give you her contact information or bridge to another date
Flake prevention
You only care if this woman can give you the best she has
Without your passions and purpose you will lead a weak and
impotent existence
Don't ever let a woman become the center point of your life, or your
compass will spin wildly out of control
Model - 4 Energies
Rapportive/Excitement
Platonic/Romantic
Exciting/Platonic - Openers
Examples:
- "Have you ever heard of a gay puppy?"
- " Quick, what's a fifth ocean?"
- " Get this. I'm going to ask you five questions and, I want you to
answer them all wrong."
Rapportive/Platonic - Openers
Examples:
- "Hey, do you know what time the next train is coming?"
Situational openers - casual, situational not random, clearly elements
close to the environment.
They are good to open with but, you don't want to stay in this state
too long.
Exciting/Romantic - Openers
Rapportive/Romantic - Openers
Example: "Hey, can you evaluate this poem for me?"
A more suave approach.
4 Levels of a Conversation
Excitement Spectrum
Games, Tricks, Jokes
References to Toastmasters.com
Closers
- Possible "instant date": propose a casual, light invitation. Low
pressure.
- "Seeding", setting a possible date: mention a cool event without
inviting her... yet.
Models:
She's the employer. I'm he employee. I'm trying to get a job at her
place.
I'm the employer. She's the employee. I'm going to see if she has
anything of value to bring to my company.
Easy Opener:
Do you have the time? What time is it?
Bridge: As she checks her watch, you say... "Well, actually, I already
know what time it is. I just came over to flirt with you."
Anything that works at night works in the day - true to an extent. It's
only half successful.
If you're in a situation and you feel like you can't do it, don't.
Only do it when you feel comfortable to do so.
"Small Talk"
You want women to say... "I met this guy. He was awesome!"
You want them in a state where they can't even articulate the
connection.
Connection Story
- To show that yo feel what she's feeling
You can take a situation and make it more intense.
Important that connection stories come from your own life - a real
story and not someone else's. they don't have to be dramatic, just
something you connect with emotionally.
Genuine/Sincere
Be open to feel.
Pay attention to what makes people unique.
Romance Novels
- Stoic "Alpha" male figure breaks and becomes vulnerable at some
unique quality he sees in her.
Approach anxiety will pop up, but you can feel that fear and go ahead
anyway
The Rollercoaster Example - the rise to the top, the scare, then the
dip and the rush...
It's all about habits - what do you do when you feel the fear? How do
you react?
The fear response exercise - ask any question and just walk away.
One every day for 30 days.
Every woman will have the time of their life with me.
Most guys will not give her positive emotions. This is where any guy
can out-perform 90% of the “players” out there.
Confidence when you're out is about how you feel and your current
mood.
Get yourself talkative so you have a smaller gap to cross when you're
faced with opportunity.
Walk up, tell her that you're interested, you want to get to know her
Be picky about who you hang with
KEY TEST:
She may flake as a way to see how you respond to her flaking.
Any guy who's said he's never had approach anxiety is probably
lying...
It's natural for men to see a woman he's attracted to and have
nervous energy.
- Likens it to pro athletes who know they have to have something big
happen in an important game.
- Not only from excitement of potentially meeting women but also
from the act of letting our brains get away from us.
- Imagination, idealization of women has gotten men to the point that
they can't even talk to them anymore.
Don't give women the satisfaction of knowing that you like her.
Don't want to get beat by a woman - giving her the upper hand.
Stop viewing every single interaction you have with a woman as a
competition.
She's human. I'm a fun, outgoing guy and I'm just going to make
conversation.
I'm gonna see what can do to brighten someone else's life and make
my own life interesting in the process.
No agenda.
Be intentional.
Take a stand and be a man.
Just do it.
If you're willing to get to know them, put aside your need for potential
sexual connection. Relate to them.
If you've had a bad day, you don't feel good - Don't force yourself to
do it.
If you get one email or telephone number that day, go out and get 10
more...
How does a guy get out of his head and into the present
moment?
Outer Game
Bars/Clubs vs. DayGame
DayGame is better.
Get help.
Be prepared to meet women and look the part.
Be unique. Find a style that works for you. Stand out.
Direct game.
Women respond to leadership.
Sweep her off her feet - boldly and confidently.
No hesitation - liken it to a fist fight. Hit hard, hit fast.
Online
Other than that - EVERYWHERE! Shopping, airplane flights, single
moms...
If you have trouble with finding the words to say next, you need to
work on your authenticity.
Attraction:
- Masculinity, Boldness = Leadership
- Not controlling, but be in control
Rapport:
- Potential for connection, friendship
- Show vulnerability, not false approval
Qualify:
- Are they sweet?
- Do they have a warm glow in their eyes?
- Do they have an inherent distrust of men?
Get her to talk about something she's passionate about. It will show
you she can be passionate about you once she gets to know you.
You can qualify the women by their answers and even by how they
interact with each other.
Let women talk. They like it when you show you care. Take a real
interest in what she has going on.
When you know what people responded positively to, you know it
works.
Focus on her
Respond with something interesting that still ties into what she was
talking about.
Her playing with her hair or pouting her lips - women know about all
this.
If they aren't attracted to you, they will avoid giving any signals.
However, there are some women who are just friendly - being
coquettish and talk to any guy that's there. It's more an exception
than the norm...
Be in control.
You're a guy who likes to talk on the phone - not do a hit and run with
texting.
Direct game
Looking for a woman with strong character. One way to know this if a
woman does what she says she's going to do.
Be masculine.
Be confident.
What are you wiling to do to get a woman interested? What won't you
do?
Be authentic.
Take the attitude: I'm here to do something nice for someone else.
Give her the experience she wants, then she'll reciprocate. that is, if
she's a quality woman. If she's just take, take, take in the interaction,
she's not for you.
If you have a hidden agenda, that you want something from her -
trying to butter her up, sweet talk her - to get what you want (SEX),
she's not going to respond.
If you're genuinely caring about her and what she's like (beyond her
looks), then its going to be easier to approach.
It's all in how you lead the interaction - If you're nervous, she's going
to feel ill at ease because that's where you're leading her.
Being bold and confident, will make her empowered to take to you.
You're making her larger than life. You then psyche yourself out.
She does everything you do, even the gross stuff. Every person is
exactly the same.
The way David broke through was to simply just say hello to women
to build a foundational belief.
The first few will be tense, but you will loosen up. You'll get bored of
just saying hello.
The role play example. The face is the mask over the person that's on
the inside. Ignore the mask.
Practice the basics over and over and you'll become a PRO
Life is about repetition.
Go to stores and try on as many clothes as you can to find your sizes
and good fits.
The street opener is the rarest case - and it's a rush situation.
Ask for directions.
Make a list of the top 5 places you go. These locations will give you
more conversation because they're real to you and you have things to
talk about.
Structure:
Get into a mode of observation for 2 weeks to get your inner game
set.
Women are about being in the moment, so this lends to you feeling
like you are as well.
Reinforcing that they're great, and that they're great as they are.
The key about observing is that you're able to pay attention to details
and getting out of your head.
She will push her friends on you to test how you behave, and she'll
learn about you.
The more interactions you have with the friends, the more she will be
attracted to you.
Body Language:
Forget about a woman's body language - pay attention to your own.
Film yourself and start talking. This will give you feedback on posture
and appearance.
Do yoga.
Approach Anxiety:
It gets easier when you approach and get a little better at it.
Perceived loss of social value.
No one really cares.
What are you thinking about the guy who actually does approach the
girl?
The more you do it, the more you realize that you create this identity.
Your brain is hardwired for comfort.
When it's in your self-concept, you will be able to do it. You must see
yourself being able to do it.
There is some hesitation, but it gets easier, like jumping into a cold
pool.
When you think of the first few reasons why you shouldn't approach,
make those reasons the reasons TO approach.
This will reverse the mental excuses into enablers.
The more you think, the less likely you are to act.
Create the image of the man you want to be, then act in congruency
with that image.
Visualize about that person who is actually who you want to be.
Imagine being that person. The more you visualize this, the more you
are likely to actually do this.
Women love sex as much as men do, but are on a different timetable.
Women like being approached, because they know they are not
going to do the approaching.
The guys that are the most successful have been rejected the most.
Your body wants you to learn and calibrate from the experience of
failure - not to give up!
When you have the woman of your dreams in your life, all the things
you did to get her will be worth it.
You can push your personality in any way you want if you're willing to
work on it.
5. You can get into Comfort much more quickly in Day Game
than night game.
The fact that you have approached her in the daytime already
demonstrates a lot of value; if you went Direct (good on ya!), then this
is even more pronounced. Attraction building should happen in a
matter of minutes. As soon as she’s laughing and enjoying the
interaction, stop thinking about attraction and start thinking about
8. You often have less time to demonstrate value to the girl than
in night game.
Some girls you open will be in a rush to get somewhere, just about to
meet friends, or may not have the time or inclination to talk to a
random (albeit fun and interesting) stranger in the middle of the day.
Because you are not in a bar, chances are she is not going to see
you talking to other people (i.e. no opportunity for social proof). In the
daytime therefore, you typically have a very small window of
opportunity to make a good first impression: You must present
yourself as well as humanly possible.
Leave the house ready to meet women. Wear nice clothes, style your
hair, and wear good shoes (don’t wear your tatty trainers, homeboy).
All of these things will encourage her to response positively to her
when you stop her in the middle of the street.
Mindset:
1st: Why am I even talking to this woman? Is this a waste of time?
Is this a woman I even like? Is this woman even sociable?
Factors
- Where on the street is she?
- Walking at a brisk pace? Do you have to stop her?
- Is he going into a store?
Get all the ideas of it going to be a bad experience out of your head.
- Every woman will accept you with open arms, glad you came over
- Every woman will appreciate that he came over o talk to her
- Going to be a good time, have fun. Most guys go out like it's a job.
Even if you didn't get numbers or talk to a lot of women, you should
still have fun.
3 Second Rule
You go first, walking from one end to the other, your friend walking 12
feet behind you, taking notes of all the women that check you out.
When done, compare notes. You will get a good idea of which women
to approach.
How does a guy get out of his head and into the present moment
of approach?
The more interactions you have, the more they will be comfortable
with you.
Game in bars and clubs goes a lot faster - less time to make
decisions.
There is more competition - all the guys are trying to talk to the same
"hot" chicks.
DayGame - is more relaxed. you can take your time and feel out a
situation.
Get in shape.
Will has only had one instance when a woman said no.
You can even tell them, "Hey, I'm not here to pick-up on you but I
thought you were cute and I wanted to talk to you while I wait for my
friends to come out."
Structure to Approach
- What kind of relationship does she have with her parents, her
family?
What does she do? What did she want to do before?
Who was the disciplinarian in her family? Father or mother?
Who was she close to?
Genuinely ask the question and sincerely want to know the answer
and they'll talk.
You do the qualifying. Determine if this is the person for you and your
lifestyle.
Compatibility
Chemistry
See what she's about. Are you going in the same direction?
What's her fitness lifestyle like? How is she living?
Does she have kids? Does she smoke?
"Hi." "Are you single?" What's your name?" "Hey. What'd I miss?"
It's not so much what you say but how you say it.
Routine: " I had it all planned out ... What I was going to say to you,
but for the life of me, I can't remember any of it. The best I can say is
hi."
Get them to open up by asking them questions about them. This also
qualifies her.
just build the foundation so that she'll think about you, remember you.
Set a time later to get together.
Approaching groups?
Again, it's not what you say but how you say it.
It's like you're already in the conversation. The best way to put
yourself in a group is to put yourself in the group and the
conversation. Act like you belong, like you're supposed to be there.
Mess with them. Teasing, joking. Have fun with it.
Make sure you ask what the relationships are within the group.
Body Language
Eye contact
Posture - Men have a rejected look to them before the even go up to
approach.
If you get a text message asking "Who's this?" She has erased your
number.
If she calls back right away to find out who called, she didn't save
your number.
This will save you a lot of time and headache dealing with her.
Do not take it personally, her not calling.
Women love a guy who has his life together - work, finance, fitness.
Whatever is important to you, you got to get control of that.
DAVID WYGANT
WILL HICKS
www.CARLOSXUMA.com CD AUDIO
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R = Relaxed & Resourceful
E = Effective & Energized
A = Authentic & Alpha
L = Lifestyle & Lasting
Most approaches and seductions fail because the guy isn’t confident
and congruent with his true identity. He feels like he needs to rely on a
line or “fake” opener to get her interested. While having a few stories and
techniques is important, it’s the attitude that shines through.
“Carlos Xuma is like that older, wiser
brother you always wished you had... You Carlos Xuma gives you both the inner game and the outer game.
know that he cares about you... He doesn't When you have both, your skill becomes natural - and more effective.
brag, he just tells you what he knows - Attraction is predictable and repeatable.
and you know he knows what he's talking It all starts with your natural Alpha Man abilities - the foundation of who
about...” - Jack Kammer, Author you are right now. No more faking it!
WWW.CARLOSXUMA.COM K !
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How to attract women with the real YOU & get more dates
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The successful traits of the Alpha Man - and how you develop them
Proven methods you can use to destroy “Approach Anxiety”
How you leverage the Universal Motivators for change
How you use the power of seductive language and imagery
Using Power Questions to break past social conditioning
How to control your fear, dispel your doubts, & build confidence
Specific techniques and exercises for a Powerful Frame ALL the time
Opening lines that calibrate to your style - and WORK
How to build razor-sharp conversation skills
The Stepping Stones from Approach to Intimacy - Start to Finish
Exercises to raise your level of Power, Control, and Confidence
How to overcome resistance - motivate yourself and others
How to be successful in all areas of your life - not just women...